“You’ve been scarce, lately.”

I looked up from the mess of code on my laptop screen, wholly thankful for the distraction. Altering a simple program to control a few basic functions was probably easy for someone who knew what they were doing. I, however, wasn’t all that adept in this particular area of computing. I only really needed it to adjust engine thrust and a couple of other basic functions for when Felicity finally got the Rolls running again. It had been three weeks, and I still hadn’t made much progress.

With a sigh of defeat, I minimised the window. “Maybe if you didn’t hang around with Elric Von Keep-Your-Pimp-Hoof-Strong so much, you’d see a bit more of me. Where is that promiscuous little fucker, anyway?”

Jessica crossed her arms, giving me a scathing look from the cliff edge, though its effect was muted somewhat by her hair whipping around in the wind. “Warmfront is getting ready for the Wonderbolts routine. Y’know—the one that’s been planned for a month now? Speaking of which: shouldn’t you be doing the same?”

“Nope. Atom Thighs and I are extremely busy,” I said, jumping down from my perch atop the mid-level hangar scaffolding and landing softly on the cloud floor. Go Jack. Bonus points for not falling on your ass this time.

“I thought I told you I’d deactivate your cloud walk spell if you called me that again,” said a mildly annoyed, yet still silky smooth voice from the other side of the hangar.

The tall, snowy mare emerged from around the side of the jet engine, her graceful pink curls tied back into a ponytail so they wouldn’t get in the way whilst she was working. Being a unicorn, she did indeed use magic for most tasks. But I’d noticed she was a very hands-on, or hooves-on kind of pony, as well. Splotches of engine oil currently blemished her coat and muzzle, and I couldn’t help but compare her to a very effeminate looking, overly-adorable dalmatian wearing a wig.

She greeted Jessica with a smile, which promptly fell off her face when she turned to me.

“Well, aren't you a box of antidepressants? Heh, get it? Because Lithium Butt,” I chuckled. Yep, I had indeed counted the electrons. Three of them, and the same number of protons and neutrons. It had been bugging me for days, so I finally sneaked a closer look when she was busy removing the busted stub pipe from the engine. She’d given me a good telling off for “staring at her ass.” As if, but it was totally worth it.

I grabbed my laptop as her eyes rolled. A common occurrence, if truth be told. “I must have told you a hundred times already that I’m taking part in that display,” she said, idly rubbing the large blue gemstone on her dominatrix collar with a forehoof. Well, that’s what the thing looked like, anyway.

She rambled on about a magically induced something or other, but I was too busy searching iTunes for a particular Nirvana track that would emphasise my periodic pun. The music began to play, prompting Felix to make a cute little exasperated horse noise. She then cantered over and began jabbing me in the stomach with her damned horn.

“Oww! Cut it out!” I yelled, grabbing onto her magical appendage with my free hand. The unicorn ignored me, rearring up on her hind legs slightly and snapping my laptop closed with a nudge from her muzzle. She could have just used magic, but sometimes refrained from doing so to really drive home the point that I was being an asshat.

The music died, and I let go of her horn to idly rub my stomach. That thing was almost as sharp as her mind. Jessica stared at the two of us in confusion, her mouth half open and a frown adorning her features.

“What?” I asked, just as Felicity did exactly the same. I had half a mind to yell “jinx,” but I was pretty sure it would just go over the unicorn’s head.

“... But, aren’t unicorn horns… like… uh… nevermind,” she concluded, rather pointlessly.

Felicity’s eyes momentarily widened, her cheeks reddening somewhat. She snapped her gaze to Jessica. “You’re right. We should really get going.” With that her horn flared with magic, and so did the rest of her.

Three seconds later, and she was back to looking like a Playcolt centrefold. Her coat was the colour of freshly fallen snow, the long, gracious curls of her silky cotton-candy coloured mane falling down the side of her pretty face. The sapphire embedded in her collar glinted from the light of the sun streaming into the hangar, highlighting her beautiful azure ey- …

I blinked, the unexpected reverie evaporating like dry ice. The fuck are you doing, Jack?

* * *

I wasn’t sure what to do with my hands.

Jessica had rather conveniently disappeared off somewhere to find Blue Sex Pest, leaving me and Felix to endure a very awkward stroll to the arena, where the aerial displays took place. Neither of us had spoken a word to each other since Jessica had shattered glass all over us on the whole “unicorn horns” thing. I was ambling along like a confused ape, debating on whether or not to just stuff my hands in my pockets.

I vaguely remembered—back before I made avoiding his feathery ass a top priority—that Warmfront had indeed mentioned that touching a unicorn’s horn was a big no-no. He’d elaborated, but I hadn’t been paying much attention at the time—mainly because I hadn’t expected to actually meet any unicorns. Well, that, and Warmfront was annoying at the best of times.

I sneaked a glance at Felix as we passed over the mountainside and onto the much larger cloud section of the base. She was looking dead-ahead, still not saying a word. Probably for the best. I couldn’t help thinking back over the last few weeks. I had touched her horn. A lot. The weird thing, though, is that it was usually her that had initiated the contact. Mainly by stabbing me with it.

I guess I could be pretty annoying sometimes.

Still, that didn’t change the fact that she’d been assaulting me with the unicorn equivalent of her clitoris, right? …Okay, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but I was still happy to pin the blame on her. I just hadn’t known any better.

…Damn. That amount of times I’d grabbed that thing during the silly little play fights we often had was too damn high. Not once had she told me to let go of it, either…

“Oh, for buck’s sake,” Felix suddenly whispered under her breath.

I glanced up from my internal musings. Felix appeared to be cringing a little, her eyes fixed on a large cloud tower, complete with it’s own rainbowfall. The colours cascaded down several stories, passing straight through the cloud floor at the foot of the tower, where another white unicorn awaited.

This one had a mullet.

“Initiate Operation Stalker Mullet Avoidance?” I quickly whisper-shouted, getting ready to use my awesome ninja-skills to go hide behind one of the many cloud-hedges dotted around the base.

Felix gave me a look, shaking her head. I caught the barest hint of a smile before she turned away, though. Predictably, Reginald spotted us. It wouldn’t have surprised me if the creepy pony had been following us for the last ten minutes, but I didn’t ask. Felix would only get pissed at me.

“Felicity, darling!” he greeted, ignoring me completely.

I barely held back a snort as the sprightly stallion cantered over, his mullet bobbing up and down like an animated mushroom. He fell into a steady trot beside us. His horn looked extra shiny today, almost as if he’d been vigorously polishing it… oh god. Now I was stuck with that mental image. Yeah, that one. Heh, if my earlier assumptions were true, Reginald was a literal dickhead.

“Make it quick, Reg. If I don’t catch at least one of the routine rehearsals, Fleetfoot will be riding my ass for the next month.”

That mental image was a lot nicer. Wait…

“Ah, yes. Well, I was wondering if I could have a word with you. Alone.” He threw the briefest of glances in my general direction, a look of utter contempt upon his snobbish features.

Felix scowled. “Jack is my work colleague, and more importantly, my friend. Don’t look at him like he’s garbage,” she scolded. I shot the slimy bastard a smug grin for emphasis. “And we’ve no time for solitude—whatever you have to say, spit it out already.”

“Yes, well. Hmm. As it’s approaching a… uh, specific time of the month, I was wondering if you would be requiring my services again.”

I stopped as if I’d suddenly walked into a wall of concrete.

Felix immediately rounded on Reginald. “Your services?” she vociferated, also stopping dead in her tracks. “You gave me a backrub, to which I only agreed because you wouldn’t shut up offering.”

“W-Well, that’s exactly what I meant! A backrub is one of my services, is it not?” the stallion faltered, coming to a halt himself.

Felix snorted. “Oh, please. Don’t pretend like you don’t want the other stallions to think you might have rutted me. Tartarus, I wouldn’t even be surprised if you were after that bit pool,” she yelled.

Reginald looked as though she’d just hoof-slapped his mullet-clad mug, whereas I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. Why the fuck did I care, though!? It should make absolutely no fucking difference to me whatsoever whether or not this stupid sexy wrench-wielding genius of a unicorn had had a good dicking from Stalker Mullet.

The image formed in my mind, and my hand betrayed my resolve, curling to form a fist.

You are not a horsefucker, Jack. You don’t get attracted to horses. And you certainly don’t get fucking jealous. Ugh.

Reginald stood with a dumb look on his face, his mouth slowly opening and closing like some sort of ugly, furry assed goldfish.

Felicity sighed, most of her ire having scarpered at his pitiful appearance. “I’m sorry. That was mean, and presumptuous.” She sighed again, throwing me a brief glance before quickly looking away. “Look, I have to go. I’ll catch up with you later, Reg.” She trotted off.

I wasn’t entirely sure I should follow her, but I sure as shit wasn’t going to stick around to chat with a slightly emotionally-rekt Reginald. Quickly springing my way over the cloud surface, I caught up. We rounded a corner, passing under a large archway made of sculpted cloud depicting several armour-clad pegasi. We appeared to be strolling through an upper-class housing estate, probably reserved for high ranking officers. Several huge cloud mansions were dotted about the place, some even sporting their own miniaturised rainbowfalls.

I was about to finally ask how the rainbowfalls worked, but Felix spoke first.

“I never did anything with him.” Her voice was soft, yet I had no doubt of her intention to make her point absolutely clear.

I blinked, a little taken aback. “Um… Okay?”

She focused her pretty eyes on me. “You better not twist this in any way. I don’t want to hear any more on the subject. I know what you’re like,” she said, narrowing her eyes, but grinning all the same.

I returned a grin of my own, until I remembered a certain detail in her conversation with Reginald. “I seem to recall you mentioning something in passing… Hmm. What was it? A ‘bit pool’?”

Her smile vanished, and she looked away for a second. “Oh. You picked up on that?”

I nodded, frowning somewhat. “Is that what I think it is?”

She turned back to me. “Well, that depends. Are you thinking that a certain comfort stallion started a pool of bits between himself and his band of colt sluts, the winner of said pool being the first to rut—and I quote—‘that hot piece of ass from engineering’?”

"Wow. Now, I have another reason to not be a ‘comfort stallion’,” I chuckled, with absolutely zero thought.

The unicorn raised her eyebrows. “Thanks.”

“What? No, wait! I didn’t mean it like that… I meant to say they sound like a real bunch of assholes to put a price on your… uh…”

“My ass?” she finished for me.

“Well, yeah,” I said, somewhat pathetically. Felix just kept trotting, the long, flowing curls of her mane and tail dancing in the light breeze. “So, who started it? Do you know?”

The pony scowled. “Windrunner.”

“I’m guessing that’s why you didn’t like him?” I asked, feeling the guilt of the stallion’s death slip away somewhat. I know it was no justification, but finding out he was a bit of a prick made me feel a little better, at least.

“Oh, no. I could handle him starting that stupid bet. It’s what he did to Cloudy that pissed me off.”

A crowd of pegasi were beginning to gather outside of the arena, mostly mares, but with a few stallions dotted about. Nearly all of the latter stopped to steal a glance at Felix as she trotted through the mass of ponies. I was around a head taller than the tallest of them, so I had no trouble keeping up. “What did he do to her?” I asked.

“He used her. Kept leading her on, pretending he cared about her more than his other clients. Then, he would go and brag to his friends about all the crazy stuff he got her to do when she was in heat,” the unicorn spat, a few pegasi hastily jumping into the air when they spotted how pissed she was. “I’m glad the Rolls fucked him up. He was a piece of shit.”

Damn… I followed her through a set of double doors into an elaborate red and gold themed lobby, unsure how to respond. Felix wasn’t usually this blunt—at least, not that I’d observed—so for her to have such a strong opinion on the matter got me thinking that maybe “bit of a prick” was a gross understatement.

“Didn’t anyone point out what was happening?”

“We tried, but she wouldn’t hear a bad word about him,” the unicorn replied with a sigh.

A burly looking pegasi mare wearing full military fatigues stood in front of another set of double doors, only these ones were currently roped off. They sat between two large glass-fronted trophy cabinets, chock full of enough golden trinkets to fill an ancient tomb from an Indiana Jones movie.

Upon spotting Felix, the mare unhooked the thick red rope from one of the shiny golden poles suspending it, quickly standing aside to let her through. I made to follow, but the pegasus held a wing to my chest. “Display team members only at this time,” she said, subtly stroking my chest with the feathery appendage and flashing me a sultry wink.

I scowled, batting her wing away and stepping back. “Fine. I’ll catch up with you later, Atom Flank.”

Felix rolled her eyes, but flicked her tail in acknowledgement. “Good, you can walk me to the dance tonight. Reg has been trying to ask me out to it for weeks.”

“Is that all I am to you? A stallion cock-block?” I asked, holding a hand to my heart in mock indignation.

The mare grinned. “Don’t be ashamed of your talents, Sweetie.” With that, the doors illuminated in her pink aura, and she deftly stepped through them as they swung open.

* * *

By the time I’d made my way back outside, the crowd of pegasi had managed to organise themselves into a line that I supposed could be considered passable. I headed toward the back, taking the time to get a look at the arena in a little more detail. I hadn’t even noticed the red carpet leading up to the door, having been much too curious about Cloudchaser. Several large white pillars that could easily have been inspired by ancient Greek designs rose up from the base of the building. They appeared at first glance to be constructed of solid marble, but I knew they were probably just cleverly arranged clouds. Each one of them sported a flagpole, complete with an indigo flag bearing the Wonderbolts insignia.

This whole section of the base seemed to be made of cloud, now that I thought about it. Huge expanses of mountain-like cumulus structures flanked the arena, making it appear smaller than it actually was. There was even a rainbow river running between the various small residences interspersed among the cloud “hills”.

I made to go and take a closer look to see what the flowing mass of colour was actually composed of, but two distinctly non-pony shaped figures at the back of the line caught my attention. One appeared to be clutching the other in support, causing the latter to stumble as a consequence.

“Godammit, Leanne! If you were gonna fall through the damn cloud, it would have happened ages ago!”

“I don’t like it. It’s not natural!”

“Neither are a lot of things in Equestria. Get used to it.”

“Now now, Jess. Let’s not be too mean, eh?” I chuckled, strolling up to stand in line with the two women. “I can’t imagine being torn away from a life of Essex clubs, fake tan, cheap booze and Jersey Shore wannabes is very easy to deal with.” Unfortunately, I failed to recognise the blonde-maned bane of my existence already standing with them.

“Oh, hey, Jack.” Warmfront beamed at me with a genuine smile. I swear to God, if he was born a human, he’d have been Canadian.

“Oh. Hi,” I muttered, a little disappointed that I didn’t have my wrench-wielding, horn-headed sidekick to scare him off. Leanne finally figured out I’d been making fun of her, and did a rather angry duck face at me.

Warmfront, however, maintained his toothy grin. “Lovely weather we’re having, eh?” he said, with the level of awkward usually only reserved for cab ride small talk.

Considering we were currently standing on the weather, such conversation was even more unnecessary than usual. I didn’t bother to tell him that, though, instead choosing to grunt a half-assed “Yeah, I guess.”

Leanne chose that moment to fully compose herself. “You been hanging about with that unicorn again?” she asked, failing to mask her nervousness.

After meeting Felix—and more importantly—her magical abilities, Leanne hadn’t come out of the safe room for three days straight. It was only when Warmfront had gone in for an hour long chat with her that she felt stable enough to return. Felix had made a point to stay out of the air hostess’ way ever since.

“She’s harmless, Leanne. Besides, you wouldn’t be standing on the clouds right now if it wasn’t for her kind,” Jessica interjected, fishing around in her aircrew jacket pocket and pulling out a handful of glowing blue vials. Two of them were empty. “These things are amazing.”

“What are they?” I asked, motioning to the vials.

Jessica frowned, handing me one of them. “How are you cloudwalking if you don’t already know? These are enchantment vials—basically potions, really. They can contain various small-scale spells. These are the cloud walking variant that Spitfire gave me, and they last around six hours. Apparently, there’s a storeroom full of them.”

“Huh.” I tilted my head, twisting the vial round in my fingers. “Felix usually just casts the spell directly on me, and it lasts around eighteen hours.”

“Oh, hey! They’re selling cotton candy,” Warmfront suddenly said, pointing a wingtip at a modest little pink and white themed stall. A sky blue mare with a pink and white mane and tail grinned back at us.

“Oooh, can we go get some? Jack, will you save our place in the line?” chirped Leanne, looking more like her normal self in weeks.

“Sure,” I said, just as Jessica pulled a handful of shiny golden bits out of her other pocket. They were a little larger than a two pound coin, and each was engraved with a horseshoe design, along with the year it was cast.

The two women linked arms, springing their way over the cloud surface to the stand. I pulled a bit from my own pocket, flipping it between my fingers as I recalled my earlier conversation with Felicity.

“Hey, Warmfront. Is it true that there’s some sort of bet on Felix?” I asked, turning to the stallion.

It took him a little while to respond. “What?” he choked, his face paling a little. “How’d you know about that?”

“So, it’s true?”

“Who told you?” he barked, ignoring the question.

“She did.”

“She knows?” he gasped, sliding to his haunches and bringing both hooves up to cover his face. “I’m surprised she hasn’t turned us all into latrine brushes.”

“With those feathers and that mane, I doubt she’d even need to,” I snorted, lightly punching him in the shoulder.

Warmfront scowled, whacking my thigh with a wing. “It was Windrunner’s idea, and I only contributed because the others wouldn’t stop bugging me. I want no part in this bet.”

“You still wanna bang Felix, though.”

The stallion huffed, muttering something under his breath.

“What was that now?”

A very un-Canadian grin spread on his face. “I said, I could say the same of you.”

I held up a hand, frown automatically deepening. “Hold up, are you actually suggesting that I have carnal intentions on a unicorn?”

Warmfront leapt into the air with unexpected agility, stopping dead at my side in a perfect hover. “Oh, Jack. Everyone on this base wants to bed Felicity on some level. Be it a stallion, a mare, or even a human.”

I lowered my eyelids, determined to disregard his words. Sure, Felix did indeed garner a lot of attention from the locals. But to think that I would actually go there was pretty damn ridiculous. “Wrong!” I blurted out. “Human females only for me,” I stated with no small degree of finality.

“Well, the only two human females on this planet are standing over there,” he said, pointing to the cotton candy stall with a sly grin. “Why don’t you show your game, eh?”

I snorted. “Pffft. One is a dead end, and the other I wouldn’t even touch with yours. You don’t stick your dick in crazy.”

Warmfront landed softly on the cloud, folding his wings. “You’d stick your dick in Felix, though, and she’s probably the craziest pony I know.”

I was about to unleash an angry retort, but the line started moving along rapidly. Luckily, Jessica and Leanne returned just in time to tag along. We were led through the trophy room lobby and into the arena proper. Four elevated cloud tiers of seating—or just slightly fluffier clouds, in this case—lined the walls. To my immediate unease, I noticed there was no cloud in the center of the arena. Sunlight streamed through the equally open ceiling, and down onto the ground, thousands of feet below. It really hammered home how high up we were.

Leanne was once again clinging to Jessica, and even Jessica herself didn’t look overly pleased at the huge expanse of open sky. We cautiously made our way along to the lowest tier, mainly because it was the only one we were capable of reaching. Warmfront flopped down onto the cloud, curling up like a tomcat. Jessica and Leanne followed suit, the latter still eyeing the void in apprehension, and I sat to their left. Not many other ponies decided to sit at the bottom, leaving our tier sparsely populated.

A magically amplified voice boomed out over the stadium, welcoming the audience and stating that the routine would be starting in around five minutes.

“Hey, how come you’re not on the display team, Warmy?” Jessica asked, gently running a hand over his back.

“Me? Ha! I’m nowhere near decent enough to get on the team.”

“Aww, why not?” Leanne chimed in, also joining in on the stroking of his back. He flinched a little, but hid any further reaction in a split second. Poor bastard.

“Well, only the most athletic of stallions ever make it on the team. We aren’t as slim as mares so we can't usually change direction as fast,” he chuckled, idly scratching his chin with a hoof. “Soarin trains every day to keep up to standard. He could fly rings around me.”

“So, who’s actually on the team?” I asked, grabbing a clump of mushy cloud and rolling it around in my palm. It kinda reminded me of a non-newtonian fluid, only denser, and more stable. My guess was that it would feel a hell of a lot different if I wasn’t currently enchanted to walk on it.

“Spitfire, Fleetfoot, Raindrops, Flitter, Cloudchaser and Soarin. Oh, and Felicity.”

“Felix? But, she doesn’t have wings,” I dumbly stated, turning to the grinning stallion.

“She doesn’t need them.”

* * *

“How do I look?”

“Like a vulture that hasn’t preened in a week. Also, your bow is crooked.”

Flitter scowled, batting the tall human with her wing. “You keep saying things like that, and one day, I’ll actually believe them!” she scolded, straightening her bow, which actually was a little crooked. Ponyfeathers.

“Oh, honey. You always bite. Jack is in for a real treat,” Jason commented, simultaneously running a comb through her mane and blasting her with generous amounts of Madame Regalia's Manespray for Mares. He grinned at her in the vanity mirror, whilst Raindrops and Fleetfoot changed into their flight suits on the other side of the dressing room.

“Ugh. Don’t remind me about that.”

“Why? You having second thoughts about volunteering?” Jason asked, now running the comb through her tail.

“No, it’s not that. It’s just that Warmfront doesn’t seem to be getting through to him.” She lowered her voice, gesturing for Jason to lean in close. “And between you and me, Fleetie doesn’t seem too keen on the idea, either.”

Jason glanced at the General, who was busy chatting animatedly with Captain Spitfire.

“She can be a nightmare when she’s riled up. I certainly wouldn’t wanna get on her bad side,” Flitter continued.

“An angry Spitfire would be worse,” Jason countered, standing back up straight and giving the mare a few more blasts of manespray.

“True,” Flitter coughed, waving the aerosol away. “I just hope I can give Jack an experience that won't put him off ponies forever. Luna knows we need more comfort stallions. Half the mares here would go crazy without them.”

“Relax. He’ll come around. Just shake your tail at him when you fly by. He may not take a liking to you right away, but it’ll get his mind wandering.”

“He’s watching the show?” Flitter asked, an uncharacteristic shiver of nervousness running the length of her spine. “Are you sure? He can’t exactly walk on clouds.”

“Neither can I, honey, but I’m here now,” Jason chuckled, pulling a couple of pink vials out of his pocket. “Courtesy of our engineer.” He motioned over his shoulder to a beautiful snow white unicorn, with long silky spiralling pink curls flowing from her head and rump.

“Oh. I forgot he hangs around with Felicity all the time. Crap. How the hay am I supposed to compete with that?”

Jason rolled his eyes. “What are you talking about? You silly mare, you’re just as pretty as her,” he said, re-tieing her bow for the third time.

Flitter made to retort, but was cut off by a mildly annoyed looking Spitfire. “Get your damn suit on, filly! We’re on in five,” she barked, before slowly turning to Jason. “How the hay’d you get past Gloria?”.

* * *

Five minutes my ass. We ended up waiting fifteen before anything of any interest happened. The idle chatter from the audience suddenly quietened down, and everyone waited in silence.

For nothing.

Fifteen seconds passed—during which I was contemplating just laying down and taking a nap—before six specs of blue shot up through the gaping void. Each left a bright silver contrail that appeared to actually emit its own light—light that didn’t look even remotely natural. It appeared to flicker like the static from an old television set, and got momentarily brighter before it eventually began to fade.

I barely had any time to figure out how any of that was possible before a ridiculously loud explosion spontaneously erupted out of thin air in the middle of the abyss. The shock wave blasted through the stadium, shaking the very foundations of the cloud structure. I actually felt the whole thing shift by a few inches, and threw myself backwards in reflex.

Both Leanne and Jessica screamed, the latter wildly throwing her arms around a very surprised Warmfront. A bright light brought my attention back to the show, where something was hovering amidst a rapidly flashing sphere of what appeared to be… lightning. The light was so intensely bright I had to shut my eyes, and it was only when I studied the after-image burned into my retinas that I figured out the thing emitting the light was shaped like a unicorn.

Holy shit. That was Felix in there! I squinted through the relentless barrage of photons, her form eventually dimming. Seconds later, the light surrounding her dulled, the colour changing to her usual pink aura. Her eyes, however, still glowed white hot, and I noticed the sapphire embedded in her collar was glowing just as bright. A beacon of azure amidst the pink.

She began to trot, held up by nothing but her magical acuity. Her hoofsteps were planted, predictable. Almost as if she were walking on an invisible platform. Her mane and tail thrashed around her as the rest of the display team descended from the sky above. Six ponies spiralled down, before settling into a steady flat-plane orbit around her.

“This is crazy. How the fuck?” I stammered, still squinting slightly as I shifted to get more comfortable.

Warmfront grinned emphatically. “Oh, Felix is totally OP.”

“You’re not wrong.”

The pegasi circled faster, decreasing the radius of their orbit as their contrails intensified. It looked like they were closing in on the unicorn, almost as if they were trying to attack. My idle grin morphed into a frown, but I needn’t have worried—with another blinding flash, Felix reappeared.

Right in front of our little group.

The unicorn shot an eyes-half-lidded smile at me. She cantered a few paces on nothing but thin air a few feet into the void, before pirouetting on her hind hooves and simultaneously charging her horn. A beam of pearlescent pink fired squarely at the five pegasi that had been charging at her in a V formation. They scattered at the blast of energy, which ended up being harmlessly absorbed by the cloud wall at the other end of the arena.

The crowd erupted, cheering and jeering as the pegasi re-grouped for another go. This time, they flew in single file, with a ridiculous amount of coordinated agility. They cornered at right angles, at speeds that should have ground their internal organs into paste. Felix responded to their game of snake with a series of impossibly fast teleports, creating a strobe effect all over the arena whilst firing blasts of shimmering pink from all directions.

If I’d been drinking coffee, it would have been all over my shirt from the multiple spit-takes. Not one of the beams touched a living soul, all of them seeming to end up soaring off into the blue or right into the cloud.

Jessica and Leanne clamped their hands over their ears as Felix’s teleports got steadily more… violent. Each subsequent flash generated an almighty boom that blended together to sound like automatic canonfire. The deafening crescendo eventually relented with Felix simply hovering limply in the center of the arena, her hooves floating just as much as the rest of her and her mane and tail whipping about. A dead silence permeated the air. Something looked a little off about the unicorn.

It was only then that I noticed her pink aura was gone, and her eyes… The entirety of her eyes were now glowing blue. The very same blue, in fact, as the gem shining on her collar. The three points of light pierced the sky with impeccable clarity, despite the sunlight streaming from above.

Illuminati confirmed.

The crowd waited on bated breath, the silence eventually being broken by several gasps as five streaks of blue and silver charged from all directions, only to be knocked out of the air by the biggest shockwave yet. Felicity’s sapphire ignited, spewing forth a large, pearly white, scaly creature that could only be described as a giant-ass sea horse on steroids. It had partially webbed forehooves, fins coming off its jawline and a large ridge on its back. The thing expanded to the size of a dragon before it opened its mouth and let out an ungodly roar. The two girls beside me were practically catatonic as the huge beast shot off after the fleeing pegasi, snapping at their tails and leaving a symphony of snarls in its wake.

As if coming out of a trance, I slapped Warmfront on the shoulder a few times. “Uhh, dude… Is this normal? Should we be worried?” I blurted out, watching as the creature chased Fleetfoot through a series of loop de loops. It wasn’t even having all that much trouble keeping up, either, despite it being several times her size.

Warmfront grinned a little sheepishly. “Well… stranger things have happened?”

“You don't sound very sure about that,” I snapped, my frown darkening. “What the hell is th-Jeesus fuck!” I cursed. The creature had chosen that moment to violently tail-slam Cloudchaser right out of the sky. She spiralled a good seventy feet before managing to right herself and zig-zag her way out of the thick of the action.

The stallion gave a nervous chuckle, his ears pressed flat against his perfectly set mane. “Look, like I said before—Felix is nuts. And the rest of the display team have more bravado between them than an entire legion of griffins. No doubt they agreed to her summoning a monster for entertainment purposes…”

I looked to the mare in question, still hovering statically in the air as the great white beast chased her teammates around the arena. “And she called me stupid for flying a plane drunk. What if that thing attacks the crowd?”

As if on cue, the great white flying seahorse suddenly lost interest in trying to eat a fleeing Soarin and turned its glowing eyes to a small group of stallions on the second tier. They appeared completely oblivious to any danger, and just kept cheering along with everypony else. Leanne gave a muffled shriek as the creature lunged for them, only to receive a dive bomb kick to the face from the mare with the bow that Jason always hung around with. What was her name again?

The beast flopped about in the air, quickly losing its bearings, along with a large chunk of altitude. Fleetfoot swooped in to give it another hoof-slam to the top of the head, but the snarling beast dodged, shooting off after-

“Oh, hey! Flitter’s coming this way,” Warmfront chuckled gleefully.

“Yeah, and so is that big fucking monster!” I growled.

Jessica and Leanne screamed, ducking down beside Warmfront. The grin on his face gradually faded as the creature flew closer. The mare with the bow on her head—Flitter—looked like she was mouthing the word “run” as she dived under the arena cloud floor at the last second.

I took her advice, quickly leaping to my feet and bolting sideways along the lower tier, barely managing to keep my footing on the slippery cloud surface. Judging by the muffled snarl and grunt that echoed behind me, the beast had plowed into the side wall. I swung round to see Warmfront, his wingspan fully extended in front of Jessica and Leanne, both of whom were cowering behind him in terror.

The beast ignored the stallion and the two women, and instead bolted after me with renewed vigor. I let out a scream of… well, let’s call it questionable manliness, and promptly misplaced one of my feet.

Then, I began to fall.

The large gaping hole in the cloud starting to get smaller and smaller as I flailed around in terror, yelling all manner of colourful language at the stupid seahorse beast, and at Felix for conjuring it in the first place. Now, I was going to fucking die in approximately sixty seconds, and it was all because of her irresponsible showmareship.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, the wretched creature was still chasing me! “Give me a fucking break already!” I yelled over the deafening sound of the wind, that is, until it… stopped.

A shimmering haze of pink filled my vision, and I slowed to a hover a few hundred feet below the arena. The pursuing creature sailed right past me, looping back up in a lazy arc until it was hovering just a few feet away. Its snarls were replaced with the happy purrs of a contented cat, almost as if it had just been pretending to chase me for the benefit of the audience.

Which, in hindsight, was probably exactly what had been happening. I slapped a palm to my forehead, just as the creature let out a snort.

“You’re an idiot,” it chuckled, in Felicity’s voice.

I glared at it. “Fuck you.”

SLAM.

Something blue suddenly collided with the white beast so hard it exploded rather spectacularly into a cloud of dusty giblets. I threw an arm up in front of my eyes as the fallout flew in all directions, only to recoil as I spotted another something blue. This one slammed into me, sending me spinning end over end, until its hooves captured my chest and thighs and its wings propelled us upwards at blinding speed.

“Damn it, Fleetfoot! I told you not to pull this shit ever again!”

Another string of barely coherent curses and besmirchments flew angrily from my mouth as the pegasus alighted on an extended part of the top tier platform, flopping down on top of me and splaying her wings out over the cloud surface.

“-ly smokes, filly. That was amazing! If that doesn’t earn you some brownie points then I just don’t know what will-”

“Jason!” the mare still sprawled on top of me snapped, nervously adjusting her wings. She sounded nothing at all like Fleetfoot. Jason was standing just a few feet away, and sported a pretty smug looking grin.

I did a double take, finally noticing the pink bow between the mare’s ears, and the large, heart-attack inducing violet eyes mere inches from my face. She gave a sheepish grin. “Uh… Hi,” she squeaked, averting her eyes at my confused look.

Now that I was seeing her up close, I couldn’t help but notice she looked shockingly similar to Cloudchaser. Same flight-suit-clad grayish-blue coat, similar ice blue mane and tail. All that was missing was the murderous gaze and the unspoken promises of castration. In a word, this mare was adorable. I wasn’t going to tell her that, though.

A quick succession of dull thuds pulled my attention from Flitter, and I turned to see Raindrops trotting over to us. “Jack! Are you okay? I would have caught you but I didn’t even know you’d fallen!”

“I’m fine,” I grunted, finally raising an eyebrow at Flitter. Who still hadn’t moved. “Thanks for saving my ass and all, but I can’t feel my legs.”

The mare turned an adorable shade of magenta, quickly scrambling to her hooves. “Sorry,” she squeaked, her ears lying flat as she slowly slinked off to Jason’s side and avoided my gaze. Great. Now I felt bad for essentially calling her fat. She was far from it, but the gravity of this planet made her seem quite heavy… Okay, maybe I hadn’t really minded all that much. It was actually quite comfortable having her there, but I had a “definitely not a horsefucker” image to maintain.

Two more mares landed in the form of Spitfire and Fleetfoot. The former shot me a firm glare, the latter displaying her usual smirk. The Captain trotted over, casually pushing Raindrops aside with a wing and getting up in my grill. “What the hay was that?”

I blinked, startled by the sudden aggression. Suffice to say, my surprise didn’t last. “Oh, you’re asking me!?” I snapped, pulling myself up to a sitting position and levelling Spitfire with an enraged glare. “What the everloving fuck was that!?” I snarled, motioning an arm to the spot where the sea horse had exploded. “I came here expecting to watch an aerial display, not get my ass handed to me by an overgrown sea monster!”

“Oh, come on! You hang around with Felicity every day. Surely you know she has a twisted sense of humour by now.” Fleetfoot snickered, but Spitfire continued regardless. “Next time, try to not jump to your potential death. Absolutely nothing at all—bar a griffin invasion, which is so unlikely it’s almost laughable—will harm you while you’re on this base. Do I make myself clear?”

I scoffed, rolling my eyes. As if I’d play along with all this military bullshit. Spitfire raised her eyebrows, before slowly backing away a few paces. “Well, General Fleetfoot, it appears that I’ve met my match.” She turned to the mare she was addressing. “Perhaps… you would have better luck getting through to him?”

Fleetfoot grinned, slowly pulling the zipper of her flight suit down and peeling it off of her glistening body. It appeared she had worked up quite a sweat from all that flying. “I’d be glad to give it a shot, Captain.” She set her eyes on me. “Wanna go for a ride, Jacky?” she whispered, making quite a show of flexing her powerful wings.

I cleared my throat. “Crystal.” I had no idea whether she meant flying, or sex. I certainly had no intentions of finding out.

“Didn’t quite catch that,” Spitfire commented, pointedly flicking an ear. Bitch.

“I said, yes. It’s clear,” I mumbled through gritted teeth, trying to ignore the hole in my pride. Still, it was better than being Fleetfoot’s practice ragdoll… Or worse.

A sudden bang and a flash of light signalled the arrival of Felix, and I immediately scowled at her. Stupid unicorn with her stupid magic flying seahorse thingy. She took one look at me and burst out laughing. “I can't believe you fell for that,” she chuckled, just as Soarin touched down next to her. “Then, you literally fell for it!”

“Felicity!” Spitfire snapped, sobering the unicorn a little. “If you’re going to play pranks on him, do it in a place he can't accidentally kill himself! Imagine how pissed Princess Cadence would be if we let a member of an endangered species kick the bucket.”

Felix lost her grin. “Sorry, Captain. Didn’t think that one through.”

Spitfire gave a satisfied nod before once again taking to the air, Fleetfoot following along in her wake. Soarin waited until they were a few hundred feet away to give me a somewhat sympathetic look. “She’s just looking out for you, you know. At least you know she gives a crap,” he said, before taking flight himself.

* * *

“Oh my god! Is Jack okay!?” Jessica half screamed, her vice grip on Warmfront’s wing still unrelenting. Felicity was cool and all, but that little stunt with the flying monster had been going a bit too far. Jack would have fallen to his death if one of the pegasi hadn’t caught him.

“Nah, he’s fine. Felix hooked him with her telekinesis long before Flitter scooped him up. Looks like she was just playing with him… Lucky bastard,” Warmfront replied, muttering the last sentence under his breath.

Leanne frowned, studying the stallion for a few seconds. “You make it sound like…” she began, before giving a little shudder. “Never mind.” After fishing around in her pocket for a moment, she pulled out a box of cigarettes and a lighter.

Warmfront wrinkled his muzzle as Leanne sparked up a cigarette. “What is that?” he asked, eyeing the health hazard with a look of disdain. Leanne launched into a crude explanation, accompanied by her usual excuses for continuing to smoke, but Jessica tuned her out.

She hadn’t even noticed that one of her hands had been idly rubbing the flight muscles on Warmfront’s back, not to mention that she was currently sat cross-legged with one of his wings in her lap. She was pretty sure wings—or at least certain parts of them—were somewhat of an intimate area for a pegasus. Yet, Warmfront still hadn’t given any indication that he minded the friendly physical contact. Besides, that’s all this was…

Right?

“-kay, fine!” Leanne huffed, stubbing her cigarette into the cloud. The water vapour caused it to give a slight “hiss” as it went out. “I know I’ll have to quit soon enough. Spitfire let me keep the sky bar’s stock from Slipstream, but it won't last forever. Once they’re all gone, I’ll have no choice, innit?”

“Well, good. This ‘smoking’ sounds like an awful thing to put your body through. It would be like a pegasus repeatedly flying over a forest fire!” Warmfront exclaimed, going pale at the very thought. The disgust eventually faded from his features, leaving a small frown behind. “What’s Slipstream?” he suddenly asked.

“That’s our nickname for the three-eighty,” Jessica replied.

The jet had been grounded for over a month now, and Jessica was beginning to miss flying almost as much as she missed her family and friends. So much had changed in such a short space of time, and the outlook of ever making it back home was looking bleaker by the day. She had tried to seek comfort from her crewmates, but Jack was rarely seen outside of hangar three, much too busy working with Felicity to be good company. Jason had apparently become a permanent accessory to Flitter, and Leanne… Well, Leanne was pretty annoying at the best of times, and downright unbearable for any extended period of time.

No. It was Warmfront that raised her spirits whenever she was feeling particularly homesick. Jessica had no idea how she would have coped without him.

* * *

Prod.

...

Prod.

...

Prod. Prod, PROD!

FLICK!

“Okay—oww,” Felix said, rubbing her ear with a hoof and scowling at me. “Also, are you trying to flirt with me, or something?”

I bit back the urge to yell “What?” in her face, much too intent on not talking to her to explain I’d forgotten all about ponies and their stupid rule about ears being ridiculous, inconveniently placed extra clitorises or whatever. She could poke me with her horn all she damn liked. I wasn’t in any mood to talk to her, and that was that.

She sighed, probably giving me the most overpowered, soul-destroying puppy-dog eyes ever witnessed by anyone in the history of everything. I wasn’t going to look. I had already learned she possessed powers far greater than her magical abilities. Powers that had once had me stumbling mindlessly over the hangar floor, fully intent on giving a half-hour long hug, all because she’d stubbed her hoof on the corner of a toolbox.

“Jaaaaaaaaaaaccckkkkk! Talk to me!” she whined, nuzzling my arm like an overgrown housecat.

She knew I was mad at her. The fact I’d asked Flitter for a “lift” back to the base made it absolutely clear. Still, that hadn’t stopped her from following me. We were currently sitting in the cafeteria. Jason and Flitter had been sitting with us, but they’d left a little while ago to get ready for the dance. The lunchtime rush had long since died down, but there were still a few ponies dotted around the other tables. They paid us no mind.

“Look, I’m sorry—okay? It was just a stupid prank.”

…

“Jack… Can you… forgive me?” she asked, just as music started creeping in from… somewhere?

Felix didn’t bat an eyelid at the sudden tune, but I was frantically searching for the source of the sound. Did somepony have a radio? Were radios even a thing in Equestria? Just as I was finally about to break the silent treatment and ask where the hell the music was coming from, Felicity began to sing…

Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?

For throwing my pet monster at that wall

I only let her out to play

But, babe, you took it the wrong way

I’m feeling really quite ashamed

I let you fall

And just like that, I gave absolutely zero fucks about the unexplained music. I only had eyes for the beautiful unicorn sitting beside me. She sounded like pure awesome blended perfectly with everything I never even knew I wanted. But now I did. Oh, did I fucking want her. In nothing but a few fleeting seconds, my iron-cast denial of any… feelings I may or may not have been harbouring for her over the past few weeks fell away like wet tracing paper.

Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?

For throwing my pet monster at that wall

Sometimes it’s really tirin’

To hide my inner-

“Enough!” I shouted, suddenly torn between punching myself in the side of the head, or throwing my arms around the irresistible unicorn and attempting to kiss her. I settled for burying my face in my palms. What was wrong with me?

The music faded away to an unintelligible background din, and I immediately started to question whether I’d actually heard it at all.

“Jack, I…” Felix began, her ears lying flat against her pink locks and a forlorn expression on her muzzle.

“What was that? That… That wasn’t normal. No one can sing that well! It’s like you make angels sound like x-factor rejects or something. Fuck!”

Felix gave a sheepish grin. “Singing is… uh, kinda my thing.”

“I thought being really smart was your thing.”

“Well, yeah. That too.”

“What? No. You only get one thing,” I stated, holding up my index finger. “You can’t have two things… In fact, no! You’re totally OP already with the stupid fast teleports and the ridiculous magical abilities. Even I know you’re way stronger than the average unicorn.” She raised an eyebrow, giving me a confused little grin. “So, that’s three things!” Plus, you’re smokin’ hot. Four things. Fuck.

Once again, I slapped my palms to my forehead. “Can you just… not do that creepy voodoo mindrape singing again, please?”

Her ears drooped again. “You didn’t like it?”

“No, I did,” and that was the problem. “It just weirded me out a little.”

“But, I’m supposed to sing at the dance tonight,” she pouted. Clearly on purpose.

I scowled. “Fine, but I’m having a drink.”

A lot of drinks.

Author's Note

Only two months since the last update? Waaaaa?

I don't know how it happened, either.