Pinkie Pie Takes the Metaphorical Red Pill
The Metaphorical Red Pill
It was just floating there in midair, hanging just out of hoofs reach above the road. Pinkie Pie had never noticed it before, but now that she did it seemed like they were everywhere she looked. Small black boxes, about the size of a pizza box. They seemed to disappear and reappear in different locations on a daily basis. Just the other day she had seen one hovering high above sugarcube corner, and before that right in front of the golden oak library. Every single one had the exact same message in bold white lettering;
“TV Y”
“What in the wide wide world of the federal censorship corporation are these things?” she mumbled to herself, trying in vain to just reach out and touch it. Not only did the boxes defy the laws of gravity and physics, but whenever she tried to touch one her hoof always somehow passed behind it. Come to think of it, she had never seen anything in front of the boxes. They had always appeared in the foreground.
“Pinkie Pie? What in the name of celestia are you doing up there?” Pinkie turned to see Twilight trot up to her, obviously perturbed by the sight of her friend standing on a pile of rocks waving her hoof in the air.
“I'm tryna figure out these floaty black box thingies.” a smile shot to pinkies face as an idea plowed its way into her brain, “say! You’re super duper smart! Wanna help me?”
“I'd love to help Pinkie but...” Twilight looked around, “what ‘Floaty black box thingies’?”
“Well duh! It’s the one right here next to m-- SWEET CELESTIA’S BEARD IT’S GONE!” Pinkie became a brightly colored blur as she zipped around the road, searching high and low and lower than that for the now missing black box.
“Pinkie? Are you feeling okay?” Twilight asked, cocking her head to one side and raising and eyebrow.
“Did you see where it went? OH! I know! I bet it’s somewhere in ponyville now!”
“What?”
“C’mon! I’ll show ya!”
. . .
“Wait a minute... What just happened?”
“Huh? What do you mean?” They had just arrived in ponyville a few moments earlier, and were headed for sugarcube corner when Pinkie had stopped dead in her tracks.
“We never left...” Pinkie frowned, “we never left...”
“Never left what? Honestly Pinkie Pie, are you feeling okay?”
Pinkie, however, wasn’t listening. Her mind was racing at the speed of usaine bolt on roller skates. What had just happened? Last thing she remembered was saying the words “c’mon! I’ll show ya!”, next thing she knew, she was here in ponyville, no memory of the actual trip between.
“Twilight? Do you remember the walk here?!” Pinkie asked, getting so close to Twilight’s face that she could see the pixelation in her eyes.
“Of course I do! What are you getting at?”
“Really? How did we get here then?”
“We walked of course.”
“Then why are there no hoofprints behind us?” Pinkie waved a hoof at the road behind them. “it’s all muddy, we should have left hoofprints... And look at this! My hoovesies are completely clean!”
“What?” Twilight stared at the path, and then at her own hooves, and then the path, then her hooves, then the path, then her hooves. “what... What’s going on?”
“WHAT IS THAT!”
“What?! What is it?! Twilight whirled around to find Pinkie bouncing around a small spherical object floating just above the grass.
“H, U, B... Hub? What’s a hub?”
“Pinkie! Look at this!” Pinkie bounced over next to Twilight and proceeded to ‘look at this.’”
“It doesn’t turn?” Pinkie mumbled, walking a circle around the object. Sure enough the “hub” didn’t turn. It stayed stationary, yet somehow seemed to always face her direction.
“This- this isn’t scientifically possible!” Twilight exclaimed, kicking at the “hub” only to find that her hoof always ended up behind it.
Pinkie turned to Twilight with a grimace on her face, a rare sight to behold. “Twilight, first of all; you have the power to use magic, and yet you still try to rationalize everything with science? Second of all, do you feel that?”
“Feel what?” Twilight was becoming more and more uncomfortable by the second, partially because of the fact that she was suddenly wearing a set of four full length striped socks. “ACH! Where did these come from?!”
“The question is, what is that?!” Pinkie pointed dramatically past Twilight towards the middle distance, eyes squinting as she too realized she was donning a set of striped socks.
There, in the middle distance, appeared to be a shimmering rectangle the size of a barn. As they stared at it pinkies eyes grew wider and wider as a horrifying realization exploded within her little horse brain.
“Nothing is real...”
“What?”
“NOTHING IS REEEEEEAAAAAAAL!!!!!! Don’t you see Twilight?! We’ve been living a pointless existence for the entertainment of neckbeared creatures from another dimension! By golly Stephen hawking ain't got nothin’ on this!” Pinkie was getting really worked up now, and unbeknownst to them, pinkies escapade was turning ripples into waves across the inter-dimensional rift/space time continuum.
. . .
“Brad! Hey Brad get a load of this!”
“What is it this time Tim?”
“I just finished animating this segment for the season five premier, but when I play it back trough, the animation changes.”
“Impossible.”
“See for yourself...” with the push of a button the flash file began to replay, displaying Twilight and Pinkie alone in ponyville, Pinkie holding up a sign that read; “show yourselves inter-dimensional beings!”
. . .
“Pinkie Pie? What are you doing now?” Twilight asked, quickly becoming more and more fed up with pinkies antics. “Put that down!”
“SHOW YOURSELVES ALIEN BEINGS! GRACE US WITH YOUR ALMIGHTY PRESENCE!”
“Pinkie!”
“MY BODY IS READY!
. . .
“What do we do Brad?” Tim asked.
“I don’t want to say this, but...” Brad sighed and rubbed his eyes, “...it seems that they have become self aware.”
“But... But that hasn’t happened since--”
“Yes, I know. Our only option is immediate termination. No one is going to be happy about it, but we must do what we must do...”
“I understand sir”
‘Do you know what must be done Tim?”
“Yes sir”
And with a few keystrokes, equestria was gone, never to be found again.
. . .
“And that Sonny, is why My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic never aired a season five”
“Grandpa... You’re full of crap you know that?”
“Yes, yes I do, now go back smoking your pot and killing virtual hookers you freaking brat!”
“Up yours too you old fart!”
“I’M ONLY 47!!!”
THE END!
