Chapters "I'm sorry, but even I find your story a little bit far fetched." Princess Celestia sat on her large golden throne in the throne room of canterlot Castle. Daring Do had just explained what happened in the Deathlands, including the sudden death of Ahuizotl and his feline minions.
Meanwhile in the Deathlands alot more creatures emerged from the doorway. All of them appeared to be the same species, but differed in skin color, hair color and gender. Wearing clothes that fit their personal sense of fashion, some even wearing masks ranging from hockey masks with different drawings to animal based masks, like pigs and apes.
Threir mouths moved, but no one other than them could hear what they were saying. For your conveniance, we shall shift from the ponies perspective to one of the creatures.
"Well I'll be fucked." I said to no one in particular. "We are actually free from that hellhole of a city."
My name is primeoetgrunn, or at least that what my bankaccount says. I am a citizen of the city of Los Santos... or I used to be.
So there I stood amongst my fellow murderers, dealers, thieves and crime bosses. This building looking ancient and filled with way more than the sixteen people that I shared my prison with, all of them asking eachother on what to do next. I already got the urge to call my Duneloader and leave these mindless killers for a better life. I didn't know where I would find this better life, but it shure as fuck ain't gonna be amongst these assholes.
So I called my mechanic, asked for my personal vehicle of choice: the Bravado Duneloader, and I waited for the truck to spawn.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"Dunno, just lookin' for a peaceful life, I guess." I answered while leaning in the opening in my door.
"Can I come with? I'm kinda sick of killing and being killed." she told me while spinning a basic pistol around her slender finger.
"Promise not to kill me?" shit, if I was gonna take someone with me, better make sure I keep alive.
"Killing isn't exactly what I like to do." the woman now leaned on the edge of my front bumper, admiring the chrome paintjob on the fenders.
"Hop in. Let's leave these fuckers." I motioned to the seat beside me.
While she got inside my truck, I decided a little bit of music was in order an turned on my radio. To my suprise, however, there were no available signals. Not even Rebel Radio, and they had by far the biggest radio tower in the state.
But I digress. The point is that she is pretty, in my car and that we are moving away from all other people who came through the gate.
"Where are we going again?" the girl asked me again.
"No clue. I just want to leave my past behind and start a bright future, away from theft and murder." I smiled while trying to keep the truck on track.
"Name's primeoetgrunn, by the way." i tried to start a little bit of conversation to make up for the lack of music.
"I am melanie247, nice to meet ya." she extended her hand, I gave her a firm handshake and focused on a line of mountains far away, but in front of us.
"Ya see those mountains?" I asked my passenger. "I was thinking of going up there and go look for civilisation."
"We got noting better to do, so... " She looked me right in the eyes and threw her hands up. "Why the fuck not?"
Author's Note
You people may have noticed, intelligence of the main two protagonists is kinda low. This is for the sole reason that they have never left San Andreas before. They know nothing of proper social interaction, this is why some conversations are kinda awkward.
Celestia has told her younger sister Luna what Daring Do had found shortly after Daring had left the castle.
"So, what do you think we should do? Ask Twilight to help us, or solve this ourselves?" The Solar goddess asked the younger Lunar goddess.
"We think that nopony may know what has transpired in the Deathlands, and recalling what thine former student has a tendency to, We believe she shoud be left in the dark aswell." Luna decided. "After all, having a powerful alicorn panic could only worsen the situation."
"Indeed, we should stay calm and collected." Celestia agreed "We do not know if those creatures can understand us, or how they will react in any situation. It'd be best to strike fast, thorough and with force. To make sure our little ponies will not be in harms way. Who knows how many of those beings have already left the portal."
"Then we should leave, post haste!" Luna preparing to take off. Meanwhile, Celestia had already left to the sky.
"Race ya there?" The princess of the sun yelled over her shoulder.
"Prepare for defeat, sister dearest!" Luna, now also in the air, just passed her sister saying that.
When the two princesses finally remembered they were royalty, they were already nearing the temple Daring Do told Celestia about.
The moment the alicorn sisters touched the sand on the ground, Luna noticed something. "Sister, behold."
"Listen, Tia. I hear something." Luna heard a low rumbling noise coming from the temple. "It is emanating from inside. Let me scout forward."
Luna was nearing the entrance to the temple and at the same time a large green and purple drove out tires screeching and its horn playing a happy tune while moving towards Celestia without slowing down or diverting from its course. The white alicorn only just dodged it and shot a beam of her magic at it, blowing up the odd vehicle.
"Why art thou here?!" Luna lifted the masked being with her magic and making it look her straight in her eyes.
"Luna, that is enough. Maybe it would be more willing to talk if it didn't feel threatened?" Celestia gave a warm smile towards the odd pig- man. "Are you lost, little one?"
"Well..." Celestia looked at the dead body. "What do we do now?"
Let us venture off again to the P.O.V. of our Duneloader driving hero!
"Come ooooon!" I yelled at the truck as I pushed the gas pedal as deep as I could. "Move, you piece of rusty shit!"
"Maybe we could use the already made path over there?" the chick next to me pointed her thumb over her shoulder to a dirt road going though the mountain.
"God-fucking-dammit!" I said to her. "When did you notice the path?"
"Right before you started climbing." she said with a sweet smile.
Author's Note
Here is a picture of primeoetgrunn and his Duneloader:
Oh, and this is to l MrYOLO69 (who actually has this name?
"Finally, we are at the top!" I was leaning against the grille of the Duneloader, halfway through a can of Sprunk. The chick was tanning in the truck bed. How you could tan with your clothes on, I have no idea.
"Lets discuss a next course of action." I threw my empty can on the ground and flattened it with my shiny black Oxford shoe. "I was thinking of finding a place to call home."
"We gonna need some green first, hun." miss hotness pointed out, still lying in the back of the truck. "And I'm all out since buying a pink paintjob for my Issy."
"How about some new names? Our current ones are kinda difficult to pronounce." I suggested while opening an Egochaser candy bar. Shit, I wasn't gonna tell her all my cash is in the Maze Bank.
"Fuck, I don' even remember yours." I could hear her smile while she said that.
"My pointh hath been proven." I let out a small giggle, my mouth filled with whatever they made these bars out of.
"You look like a Chris to me." she lasily stated.
"Close with the C. But I like Clyde a bit more, m'lady. It has some much needed class to it." I rolled up the wrapper of my candy bar and threw it over the edge of the platform we were on. "You look to me like a Bernadette."
"Nah, let's go with Bonnie. Sounds sexy and dangerous." 'Bonnie' almost purred.
"Huh, Bonnie and Clyde. I know it from somewhere. It has a ring to it, though." I pulled out my Antique Cavalry Dagger and examined it because I had nothing better to do.
"Lets find some civilisation." I stood up. "We need cash and I only have candy, smokes, beer and cans of soda."
"Fuck, I kinda forgot we actually need to eat today." Bonnie climbed from de truck bed and removed my Aviator shades from her head. "What, with all the driving and talking."
"I have seen some buildings on a mountain side. They are that way." I pointed with my thumb. "Even if it is abandoned, we could still loot the place."
"Lead the way 'Clyde'. Bonnie wants some new shoes." She smiled as she hopped in the passenger seat and closed the rusty door of the Duneloader.
"Just because we are travel buddies, don't mean we're together." I got in the truck myself. "You can get your own shoes."
I made a burnout leaving red tiresmoke behind as I steered into the direction of the buildings, falling off of the plateau we were standing on and into the forest beneath us.
After landing on all four wheels without a scratch, I sounded the horn of the truck (wich was the factory fitted one) and speeded on avoiding trees and rocks.
"Remind me to also get a map." Bonnie said while searching the dashboard for anything usefull. "Don't wanna get lost, again."
"I made a picture of a map of San Andreas in my secondary apartment. It should be on my phone." I said as I evaded the umpteenth boulder.
"I'm not even sure we are in San Andreas anymore." she turned on the radio. Of course, we only got static. Bonnie turned the dials to get at least a hint of a signal, and to our great suprise, we got a female voice comin' out of the speakers.
"...and this concludes our polka hour, here at Equestria Music Radio. As it is time for the news, take it away Stormcloud!" "Thank you Vinyl." a posh male voice stated. "Last night there was a magical distortion all over the lands. Princesses Celestia, Luna and Cadence are keeping quiet about it."
"At least we know there is civilisation near us now." Bonnie stated. "And at least advanced enough for radio."
"No shit." I said absentmindedly, thinking of how anything could survive a whole hour of polka. These people must be Rockstar in the flesh.
"Didn't you see that beast you just ran over? The thing had bat wings and a scorpion tail!"
I kept on driving, paying my hot copilot no heed. I knew women could be annoying, but she takes the platinum medal. I don't care if we just killed a fucking beast, it's not like it will haunt me for the rest of my life. I have enough Mercenary, redneck, police and military blood on my hands to fill the gas tanks of a customised Sandking XL. I have long since stopped caring about the lives I take, just about the cash Madrazo, Trevor or Lester gave me for taking them. The only crime I haven't commited is picking up hookers, and I ain't planning to pick them up anytime soon. A waste of money, women. I spend my cash on cars, guns and suits. Much more reliable than a woman.
...I felt Bonnies hand on my lower arm.
"You alright, Clyde? You look upset." she looked at me with concern in her eyes. Those beautiful brown eyes of hers...
"I was just thinking of the life I left behind. No more looking for Zentorno's to blow up, no more evading the wrath of owners of said Zentorno's... No more killing for money." my eyes started to let go a tear at the last sentence. "A bright future for the two of us, Bonnie, a bright future."
Nope, nope, nope. Soooo much nope!
On our way to the building on the mountain, we encountered the ruins of another building in the forest.
"Looks like a fairytale castle..." Bonnie concluded. "... if a bit needing of a little tlc."
"It would be a chore to find a place to sleep in there." I looked a her. "You sure you want to leave the car for a clearly ancient and ruined castle that could fall apart at any moment?"
"Yes." she said with confidence.
"What level were you again?" I asked, doubting her a bit.
"Pretty high, actually." Again with the confidence. "Level 24."
"Level 135." I stuck out my hand. "Nice to meet ya."
The look on her face was priceless after I said what my level was. I mean, seriously. You would be in stitches and on the ground just looking at that face.
"You have a Zentorno?" she asked, still dumbstruck.
"No, I don't have a Zentorno." I answered. "I do own all four Tornado variants, that has to count for something."
"Everyone I know has a Zentorno, why don't you?"
"Zentorno's have built up a rep of being owned by douchebags and triggerhappy nutjobs. I don't want to be classified as one of those, that is why I drive a JB 700 instead of a Sultan." I tried to clarify.
I was met with a soft "Oh, ok."
With nothing left to talk about, we entered the ruins of a once huge castle.
"How much would those banners cost?" I whispered in Bonnies ear.
"You plannin' to loot the place?" she asked back.
"We need cash and by the looks of it, this place ain't been looked after in quite some time." I explained. "It looks fancy enough to conjure up a bit of bread."
"Nah, you're right." she admitted "But we need to find a place to sleep first. Let's move."
Moving through the old castle, we encountered many old artifacts, most of it rendered useless by rust and corrosion. And then we hit the jackpot.
"Dibs on the left side." Bonnie immediatly jumped on the bed, resulting in it blowing up a huge amount of dust making the both of us cough.
"Ai'ght. Sure *cough* it's yours. *cough*" I cleared my throat and waved some of the dust away with my hand. "Just, don't talk while I try to sleep."
"Honey, there ain't no thinkin' of sleeping in my head." she said in a sultry tone and moved to all fours on the purple bed sheets. I just stood there, staring at her while trying to process what she just said. When I finally did get what my companion tried to tell me, a look of horror appeared on her face.
"D-d-d-dude..." Bonnie pointed a slender finger towards me "Behind you!"
Without thinking, I pulled out my golfclub and turned around within a milisecond, trying to hit whatever spooked my travel buddy so much. This kind of reaction speed is required in a city like Los Santos, where everyone with a personality tries to kill you.
"Motherfucker..." I switched my golfclub for a Special Carbine and emptied four magazines into the ghostly creature, ony to hit the wall behind it. Damn, what a waste of ammo!
"Foals, you cannot kill the night!" it blurted out in a clearly feminine and presence demanding voice.
"Fuck you..." I flipped it off.
"Oh, so much spirit and anger inside the both of you." it walked towards us "I simply cannot choose."
I got the feeling we were in something we weren't supposed to, balls deep and no way to kill the problem like usual.
"Clyde, what is goin' on?" Bonnie looked at me with pleading eyes "I am scared."
"You think I am not shitting my jeans right now? We need to leave this joint!" I bailed for the exit of the library, running to whatever the way back to my car was, hoping Bonnie would be smart enough to do the same.
"I once heard some guy say: 'You forget a thousand things ev'ry day, better make sure this is one of them.' Want to join me in that?" I said when we were a bit further away from the castle.
"Fuck yes." Bonnie nodded her head.
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prologue: FRRRRRRREEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!
Sand... sand as far as the eye could see. A gold colored pegasus with a grey mane and tail had her last drop of water a few hours ago. The Deadlands were not her first choice to find an ancient temple that would predate ponykind. In her saddlebags rested a metal tablet she found a few weeks ago underneath the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters in the Everfree forest. The odd thing about this tablet was the engraving on it: a capital letter R with a five pointed star at its bottom. On the back were coordinates to somewhere, apperantly in the Deadlands.
When she finally saw something other than sand in front of her, she got excited. This should be the correct location for the temple.
The moment the pegasus had entered the large gate to the inside of the temple, she noticed two extraordinary things different from any other ancient building she had come across: one, the almost impossibly smooth floor, and two, the atrificial lake on the other side.
Not thinking straight from dehydration, she took off towards the lake, diving right in. The moment she got up though, she noticed four suprised wild cats and her worst enemy.
Ahuizotl threw the saddlebags on the floor while grabbing Daring Do by her waist with his tail, taking the metal tablet in his hands.
The gigantic stone door opened and revealed a bipedal creature with a dark skin, wearing a white tank top, saggy blue jeans, a cap with the stylized words of Los Santos on the front, white sneakers and a neutral expression on its face. It stared at Ahuizotl in while walking towards him.
"I am Ahuizotl, your new master!" Ahuizotl practically screamed at the creature. The creature responded by pulling a strange two barreled, pink object out of nowhere and aimed it at its 'master'.If this is only one of the creatures that are supposed to be an entire army... I shudder at the thought what they could do to the entire world. '
