I Never Said That I Want This
Eternal
As she stepped through the main doorway of her apartment building, Sunset Shimmer turned and waved goodbye to the group of teenage girls standing on the pavement, before letting the door slip shut behind her. Even as it closed, she could still her Pinkie’s high-pitched call that they would see her on Sunday.
Smiling to herself, Sunset ran her thumb over the brightly-colored invitation to Apple Bloom’s birthday party, her name tentatively scrawled on it. It had been nearly two months since the defeat of the Dazzlings and her subsequent new status among the school heroes, but it had still been several weeks of long, hard work to finally get the majority of the school to look her in the eye without sneering in disgust, or, even worse, cowering in fear.
It was worth it.
Sunset slipped the invitation into her pocket in exchange for her keys, which she tossed up and down in her hand as she walked down the hall to her apartment. The girls had only asked once about her living accommodations, to which she had quite firmly stated that: No, she did not live with any parents of any type, never mind the fact that she was a legal adult in Equestria, and that she had provided for herself just fine over the years, given that the small stash of gold bits she’d had in her saddle bags when she had passed through the mirror was worth a substantially larger amount here, thank you very much.
As Sunset turned the corner, an almighty crash resonated from the apartment next to hers, which, as far as she knew, was supposed to be vacant. A quiet groan of pain echoed from the open doorway, and instinctively she stuck her head in to see a girl in a hoodie lying on the floor, half buried in boxes.
“Wow…” Sunset leaned down and shifted a couple boxes before helping the girl to her feet. “You alright?”
The girl sighed and rubbed her arm, “Fine, just… tripped over my own feet, as always, y’know?” She pushed the fallen boxes into a neater pile with her feet while pulling down her hood to smooth her frazzled ponytail, and Sunset blinked in surprise at the suddenly familiar mess of blue hair.
“Wait… Sonata?!”
Sonata’s eyes went wide and she looked Sunset over properly for the first time. “Oh, it’s you! That explains why the magic signature around here felt so high! Huh… that did seem weird at the time.”
All Sunset could do was stare until Sonata waved her hand in front of her face to regain her attention. “Hang on a second, you can’t seriously be moving into the apartment next to mine?!”
The siren shrugged. “Got to move somewhere, don’t I? No more channel for my powers of influence means no more randomly wandering into some hotel and getting a room for free. Not that I mind really, that was always more Adagio’s style. No same place for more than a few days, no same city for more than a week, no same state for more than a few months, no same country for more than a year or two. Always gotta keep moving, keep looking.” She reached down and grabbed the handles of the top box and pulled it up, staggering slowly under the weight into the next room. “Help me with these boxes, will you?”
Against her better judgement, something she knew she ought to listen to more, Sunset grabbed another two boxes and followed after the other girl. “Looking for what?”
Sonata placed her box in a corner and nodded to Sunset to place hers’ on top. “Another portal back home. We couldn’t go through the one we were banished with, that would have broken our channels. Though I suppose that point is moot now.” She fingered the black leather necklace around her neck that was now missing its signatory red pendant.
“Still, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was another spell in place to keep us here… Or maybe not. Without our channels, making the jump to Equestria would probably as good as kill us, can’t afford to run down our internal magic stores with the kind of energy needed to access the portal.” She trailed off, glancing down as she got lost somewhere in her own thoughts.
Sunset hesitated slightly before speaking. “But what does the portal have to do with your necklace? I mean, I knew there must have been something keeping you on this world, but I just figured…”
Sonata shrugged. “It’s… hard to explain. You got any tea?”
“...What?”
“Well, if I’m going to recount the exact nature of the spells keeping me here, I could at least use some tea. I haven’t had a cup in ages.” This said with an accompanying eye-roll.
Sunset blinked slowly. “Right… Okay. Fair enough. I’ve got some in my apartment. I…” She trailed off. The other girl was harmless now, right? “Come on, then.”
Ten minutes later found the two not-quite-humans sitting across from each other at Sunset’s kitchen bench, each cradling a cup of tea in her hands. While Sonata seemed perfectly content to sit in silence and flit her gaze around Sunset’s possessions, the other girl was having trouble keeping her curiosity quiet.
“So, what exactly did those pendants… channels, do?” She blushed slightly at her own outburst. “Sorry.”
Sonata waved away the apology and took another sip of her tea. “They were our cores, obviously. A way to store our internal magic and give us the ability to release it in a… controlled way. Similar to how a unicorn’s horn works, or a conductor for an electric current.”
“Right.” Sunset nodded. “A unicorn’s horn is necessary to properly channel magic and give it a point of release, without it, everything internalizes, and…” She shuddered slightly. “Well… I’ve heard stories.”
“So, our pendants were our channels for our brand of magic. Of course, in Equestria, they were much more… internal.”
A memory of three ghostly creatures with gemstones somehow embedded in their chests flashed in Sunset mind. “So they weren’t always necklaces?”
Sonata shook her head. “Our channels became pendants independent and separate from our bodies when we came here. The spell to externalize the channels also allowed the ability to set curses on them. Any exposure to pure Equestrian magic would shatter them, cut us off from our only safe way to conduct our power, so no jumping into the portal back home.”
Sunset reared back, and stared at her, aghast. “You mean we cut off your only way to channel your magic?! You’re not going to implode or something, right?”
The other girl rolled her eyes. “Of course not. Magic here works differently from the way it does in Equestria, being cut off from it doesn’t pose a dangerous build-up like it does there. Think about it, you haven’t been accessing your unicorn magic here for years, and you’re fine.”
“Did have a massive headache and an itch in my horn when I last jumped the portal, though.” Sunset winced and rubbed her head. “Still, I suppose that should have been obvious to me after living here for… What? Eight, nearly nine years now. Geez, I really was just a little kid when I came here, don’t know how I did it. So wait, where are the other two of you?“
Sonata studied her face with an almost sad expression. “I always found it strange how you ponies could suddenly go from children to adults in just a few years... “ Her eyes flickered down before returning to meet Sunset’s. “Adagio and Aria are gone. As soon as they realized the channels were destroyed for good, they went looking for new ones. Probably in Beijing right about now.”
“They just left you?” Sunset asked, appalled.
Sonata shrugged. “Of course. I was always the weak link. We stuck together here because we could maximize our limited power working with each other, a group of voices is more powerful than one. Now that we’re cut off from our magic, there’s no point to keeping me with them. I’ll only slow them down.” She grinned slightly. “It’s funny. We’re all the same age, yet I was always the little sister who got left behind when the older ones went on adventures…" She frowned at Sunset. "What?”
Sunset tried to shake the shocked expression off of her face. “You’re sisters.”
“Yes.”
“Actual, real, flesh and blood sisters.”
Sonata blinked. “All that, yea. Well… I’d at least assume being the only ones of our species, being created at the exact same moment, and being raised together by one pony we all identified as our parent as falling under those guidelines, yes?”
Sunset nodded slowly. “Um… yes, that definitely qualifies.”
Across from her, Sonata offered a small smile that held little of the energy she had seemed to possess when Sunset had met the girl. “It was different, when we properly called each other sisters. We were… softer, back then. Without being consumed by our own greed, our own hatred. It was there… always there… you can’t cut out what you are born with, but when we were little we were just Daddy’s little girls.” At Sunset’s bemused expression, she continued. “Our creator. He raised us, so we thought of him as our father.”
Sunset fiddled with her cup, eyes downcast. “You keep saying that… created, creator… I… What are you?”
The siren leaned back in her seat and sighed. “I was supposed to be a weapon against changeling attacks. Adagio, Aria, and I were meant to be a solution in a time of chaos, guardians against one of ponykind’s most dangerous enemies. We were… born into a time of chaos. Equestria was barely formed, most of the tribes still at odds with one another, and Discord emerging from nowhere to roam free. The changelings encroaching on pony territory from the badlands was more than they could handle. The Equestrian Council deemed it necessary to find a solution, and tasked our father with finding a solution. So, he found a way to create life from certain magical properties and three special gemstones. We were to be eternal beings, three protectors of love and harmony from changeling feeding. Part of the spell he used, however, meant to make our nature reverse that of the changelings, but our power similar. It… went wrong. Instead of getting three perfect angels that spread happiness and could produce the kind of defensive love magic that could repel the creatures, they created more parasites.” She took a steadying breath. “Changelings feed off of love, so we feed off of malice and discontent. Changelings use hypnotic visual imitations to prompt somepony to do their will, we use the sounds of our voices to convince others to do as we say. I am indeed an anti-changeling, but not the way the council intended me to be.”
Sunset frowned, furrowing her eyebrows. “Equestrian Council… But, that hasn’t existed since before… Sonata, how old are you?!”
“Literally or physically?”
“What?”
“Literally or physically? Physically, I’m only sixteen, have been since forever. I was immortal, I was never meant to surpass a certain age. The magic that created me worked with the intent that I would be young forever, I would grow up quickly, and once I did, I would just… stop.”
“I… But… What…” Sunset couldn’t find words.
“Sunset Shimmer, I wasn’t kidding when I said it was strange how quickly you ponies grew up. I’ve been around since an age your kind barely remembers. I spent sixteen years on our home world, and when my father banished me here, I ceased to age in any form. Perhaps part of the spell that created me and set my growth rates did not carry over between worlds, perhaps this is the age I would have remained at in Equestria. Who knows?”
The other girl ran over what Sonata had just said in her head. “But… Twilight said StarSwirl the Bearded was the one who banished… Oh.”
Deep in Sonata’s eyes, she could see the pain that was a glaring contrast to the innocence they normally held. “Council leader Clover thought him most fit for the job.” She sighed. “However, once we grew out of fillyhood, we began to realize just what our power was capable of. We were always hungry, always needing to tempt a little anger, a little pain, to feed on it. Once Adagio convinced us to… Well, not being starved wasn’t the only benefit. Our abilities grew, and we slowly became insatiable, both for more food, and for more power. Why shouldn’t we have ruled? They made us this way, gave us this empty, hollow pang. We convinced ourselves we had the right. Adagio always told us we deserved to take it all. After all… We were born monsters, it wasn’t our fault.” She laughed bitterly. “Sometimes I like to think if I hadn’t been so hungry, so desperate, I wouldn’t have listened to her. I wanted it too, though, just as much as they did. The power, the prestige. We’d spent our entire lives curbing our instincts as our father told us to. We weren’t meant to be good. Hunting is our nature, ponies are our prey.” She shrugged. “It’s just the way it is."
“We were spared, y’know. In the end. He could have killed us, or destroyed our channels from the inside out… leave us to starve to death. Instead he sent us here, on the condition that we couldn’t return. He made our channels external, so he could place a curse on them. One step back through the portal, they shatter. Game over.” A sigh echoed through the siren’s body.
“And then, after years and years of searching, Equestrian magic waltzes right back into our laps. We still couldn’t return, but to feed off of that stuff… We’d have at least a part of ourselves back, and another chance to take power, to be untouchable. And why not? We didn’t have anything to lose. I never thought…” Her hand closed over the leather band around her neck.
Sunset studied the girl in front of her. “But… Sonata, if you can’t feed without your pendant, then…”
Sonata smiled. “I’ll die. Not immediately, maybe not even for a few years, but it’ll happen. Eventually.”
The other girl gaped at her. “Sonata, that’s terrible.”
Instead, Sonata merely shrugged. “It’s not really. I’ve… I’m different now, aren’t I? I can see it in the way you look at me.”
“You’re less…”
“Silly?” The siren prompted.
“I was going to say innocent.”
Sonata snorted. “I’m many things, but innocent was never one of them. You’re right though, I’m not sure if it’s the breaking of some spell Daddy placed on the pendants to keep our minds young so we could live more age-appropriate lives, or just hundreds of years catching up on me, but… I feel awake for the first time in forever. My head always felt like it was underwater. Unless I was feeding, I was all over the place. Now… I finally feel my age. My real age.”
“But Sonata, you’re dying! I’m… god, I’m sorry.” Sunset sniffed slightly.
“Don’t be. I’m tired, Sunset. I’m so tired. Even before, I could always feel that ache in my bones. Now you’ve given me a few years of clarity and then rest… Finally.” Sonata bowed her head, a sad smile playing on her lips. “And when I’m gone, assuming my sisters go with me, then that’s three more monsters no one has to worry about again.”
Sunset stared at the being across from her, who looked and seemed so young, yet was suddenly so old. All this time she’d been congratulating herself on her redemption, on finding her way back to the light. Yet… How different were she and Sonata, really? She sighed.
“When I was a filly, the only conversations I ever had with my parents was about being the best.” Sonata glanced up sharply. “When I became Celestia’s personal student, I was so happy. She was like a mother to me, someone who really cared. As I got older, however, all I did was get frustrated with how many restrictions she kept on me, all the new and exciting things she wouldn’t let me try. I longed for power, for respect. I grew haughty and cold, distant towards everypony, even her. All I wanted was to stand above all. Then, one day, Celestia told me she’d taken on a second personal student, a filly she’d seen perform magic like no other. I was so angry, I swore revenge and jumped through the mirror portal I’d been studying. Years later, I come back, steal Twilight’s crown and try to use it in some big plan to prove myself that ends up nearly becoming an invasion of Equestria.
“You were created with abilities you tried to keep in check and couldn’t. I was a regular pony given extraordinary opportunities to better myself, and I still royally screwed everything up in my own selfishness. If anypony here is a monster, it’s me.”
Sonata’s eyes flickered over her. “I tried to take over Equestria.”
“So did I.”
“I fed off of others' hatred and used my powers of manipulation to create it.”
“I created hatred just for the hell of it while trying to find a way to put myself in charge of everypony else.”
“I’m a creature that was born a monster and never tried to be anything else.”
“I became a monster of my own free will.”
They both stared at each other, before Sunset smirked, and Sonata grinned back, dropping her head to trace the rim of her cup with her finger. “What now, huh?”
“Well I don’t know about you, but my favorite show is starting in half an hour, and I’ve got way too many chips for one person.”
The siren blinked. “Chips, you say?”
Sunset smiled. “Yes, I believe it’s a custom of this world for friends to share chips while watching television.”
“Friends?” Sonata frowned, worry clouding her eyes. “I don’t know much about that.”
At that, Sunset Shimmer grinned, and stood up to place her and Sonata’s empty mugs in the sink. “Don’t worry, I don’t really either, but nothing says we can’t learn.”
“I’d… like that.”
And both of the not-quite-humans smiled.
Author's Note
Because I saw Rainbow Rocks last week and just had to write this.
Yes, the chapter title is totally from that song.
