A Rickdiculous Predicament
Equestria. A place of wonder and beauty, a place where almost all creatures and ponies were able to safely live in harmony... but that peace would not last for much longer. In the sleepy town of Ponyville, Princess Twilight, along with one of Equestria's greatest scientists and his assistant, were busy adding the final touches to a rather revolutionary device.
"So, are you sure that this... device will work once it's completed? Twilight asked and the Earth pony scientist nodded. "Okay, and you are absolutely positive that your... anti-curse field is in effect?"
"For the l- l- last time Princess Twilight yes!" the scientist exclaimed. "Watch. Holy c***. S- s- see? It's working on me and the rest of the world like it should, can we move this along now?"
The scientist had a pale gray coat and he wore a white lab coat over top. His mane was a spiky light blue, which was a style not often seen in Equestria. His eye colour was hard to distinguish since it looked to be a very pale silver, almost white even. He and his assistant had travelled all the way from the Foal Mountains for one thing and one thing only. To use Princess Twilight's magic to complete the invention.
"Of course, I was just making sure uh... Rick right?" Twilight replied. "You have a reputation when it comes to, er... cursing, which is why Celestia forced you to create the device in the first place, and that if you were to turn it off to curse, she would shock you personally later."
"Yeah, I know. I remember clearly when I h- h- had to make that dumb thing. Do you know how hard it is to make things with hooves your highness? Your f***ing hooves!? Why do you think I was forced to come here today?"
"Because... of my magic?" Twilight asked and Rick rolled his eyes.
"N- n- no, because of your wings, yes your magic!" he exclaimed and sighed. He held a hoof to his forehead and closed his eyes. "Let's just get this over with... we would have been done by now if Morty could just hurry and move his a**!"
"S- s- sorry Rick!" an Earth pony exclaimed as he galloped into the room. "I couldn't find the sun crystals we brought!"
Morty was Rick's assistant, but most importantly, he was also his grandson. He had a brown mane and a pale yellow coat. His eye's were exactly like Rick's, which was rather strange. Morty went on all types of adventures together with Rick, ranging from far off lands such as the Griffon Empire to the caves beneath their very home. For a while now, Morty had been busy helping Rick find materials for his new device, which according to Rick was supposed to change the face of Equestria as they know it, and also allow them to travel to places that were even farther away.
"Ugh, did you check the bag we brought like I told you to Morty?" Rick asked and Morty nodded.
"Ye- yeah Rick, I couldn't find them anywhere!"
"Oh for... ugh... I guess we'll have to j- j- just improvise then." Rick brought out a large flask from inside his lab coat and quickly took a swig from it. He swished the contents inside his mouth before he swallowed and belched, much to Twilight's hidden disgust.
"So Rick... what did you have in mind?" Twilight asked. "How are you going to replace your, ah, sun crystals?"
"It doesn't take a genius to figure it out your highness, g- g- guess what this place is made of," Rick said and Twilight's eyes widened.
"Wait! You... you want to use the crystals my palace is made of!? That's absurd!"
"Unless you have a stash of sun crystals we don't know about, you're s*** out of luck your highness. If you could kindly remove some crystals from your home, we can finish this thing."
"You can't address me like... ugh! Fine! You can have a few of the crystals Mr. Sanchez, but I can't guarantee they'll be as effective," Twilight said. Her horn began to glow a purplish-pink colour and she sliced a few of the crystals off of the wall. She carefully placed them on the table next to the device afterwards.
"Aha! Now if you could just place them in this hatch, we'll be able to test this baby!" Rick exclaimed and flipped open a hatch on the device. "Quickly, put the crystals in before they become even more contaminated!" Twilight sighed and lifted the crystals and placed them inside the hatch.
"Is there anything else that is required of me?" Twilight asked. She hoped Rick would say no but he nodded his head. "What else do you need then?"
"Y- y- you have to give the crystals s bit of a jump start your highness since they don't have the same energy as s- s- sun crystals."
"And then the device will be ready?"
"Yep, it should be, although I can't guarantee everypony's safety," Rick said. "Quickly now, come on! Power it up!" Twilight's horn glowed once again and she channelled a beam at the device, charging the crystals inside rather quickly. When she severed the connection she suddenly felt very drowsy, having used a lot more energy than she had expected.
"Oh gee Rick, th- th- the princess isn't looking too good," Morty said. "Should we do something for her?"
"Nah she'll be fine M- M- Morty, now without any further interruptions, let's test this device!" Rick exclaimed and picked up the device by carefully wrapping his right foreleg around it. "Testing on three Morty." Rick aimed the device at the wall across from them, making sure that everything was just right. He could feel the hum of his newest invention as the energy within warmed his foreleg. "One... two... th- th- three!"
Morty watched as Rick pressed a button on his device, causing the end to glow a bright neon green. Suddenly, a small orb was shot from the device and landed on the wall where it quickly grew in size. Before long there was a green circle in front of them, silently swirling away.
"W- w- what is it Rick? Did it work?" Morty asked and Rick rapidly nodded his head.
"You bet your a** it did Morty!" Rick excitedly exclaimed. "Just look at it... isn't she beautiful?" He placed the device back on the table and put a leg around Morty and pulled him close. "After so long Morty, we did it, well, I mostly did it."
"What exactly is the purpose of your i- i- invention Rick?"
"Don't you see Morty? I've successfully created a gateway to a new dimension thanks to sparkle butt's energy. Wealth, power and adventure await us Morty!" Saliva began to run out of his mouth as he kept talking. "We'll become legends! We'll-" The portal suddenly flickered once and vanished, much to Rick and Morty' surprise. "What!? No! D*** it! What the h*** is going on!? Where did it go?"
Rick pushed Morty away and rushed over to the table. He saw that Princess Twilight had fallen asleep, but right now that wasn't important to him. He picked up the device and rushed back and pressed the button, but the device simply sputtered.
"Uh, R- R- Rick? You might not want to do that," Morty said.
"No! I won't give up! I'm not letting this escape my grasp, not when I'm so close!" Rick yelled when the device suddenly slipped from his grip and propelled itself towards the wall, shattering on impact. Rick and Morty stood there in silence, simply staring at the shattered remains of the device they worked for so long on.
"Rick? A- a- are you okay?" Morty asked. "Rick?"
"Morty, cover your ears, you don't want to hear this," Rick calmly replied. As soon as Morty covered his ears, he brought out a remote and pressed a button, temporarily deactivating the anti-curse field. "Sorry Celestia... do what you want with me later, but now is the right time to say this." He took a deep breath, intent on saying one word and one word only. "FUUUUUUU-"
In a quiet little neighbourhood somewhere in the United States of America in dimension C-137, one of the greatest scientists that the world had never seen was making the last few adjustments to his newest invention. Rick just needed a few more materials and he would at last be finished... if his grandson, Morty, could just hurry up and stop being a lazy ass.
"Damn it Morty! I asked for you to bring me the ugoslavranium, n- n- not the yugoslavranium!" Rick shouted and slapped the yuogoslavranium out of Morty's hands. "I am this close to completing my invention Morty, this close!" He held up his thumb and index finger close together to show Morty just how close he was. "W- w- we don't have time for your stupid ass mistakes!"
Rick Sanchez was a rather thin man in his late sixties with spiky light blue hair, a rather odd hairstyle choice. For a while now he had been living with his daughter, Beth, and her family and he absolutely hated it except for one thing, which was Morty. He was a genius with a love for alcohol, and although he might be harsh on Morty at times, somewhere within him he cared for the boy and valued their relationship.
"S- sorry Rick! I'm tired and I have school tomorrow. We've been doing this for two months now!" Morty exclaimed and yawned. "A- and to be honest, I'm tired with having to deal with your late night crap, from now on I-"
"Shut up Morty and school is stupid, how many times do I have to tell you that? Hand me the ugoslavranium," Rick said, having returned his attention to his invention and cutting Morty off. "The right one this time please. It begins with the letter U, duh."
"Well, you could have just said that before Rick, you didn't have to be a total jerk about it!"
"Quiet Morty or you'll wake up your mother and dumb bum upstairs, besides, maybe if you had just asked me w- w- which one to take, I w- w- would have told you."
"R- really Rick? You would have?" Morty asked.
"No, I like making fun of you, can you hurry up with that ugoslavranium please? Not really in the mood to die standing up because of how long you're taking," Rick said. Morty grumbled to himself as he picked up a small piece of ugoslavranium and returned to Rick.
At the young age of fourteen, Morty Smith was a good-natured boy, although sometimes he could be easily manipulated by others. He had brown hair and fair skin, unlike Rick's skin which could probably be mistaken for a very pale grey. He wasn't the smartest of the bunch, nor was he the bravest at times, but there were times when he had shown bravery and quick-wittedness when it was absolutely necessary. He was the perfect sidekick for Rick, and he wasn't afraid to stand up to him if he had to.
"Is this the ugolavranium you are looking for Rick?" Morty asked and he held out the small piece. Rick held out his left hand in return and Morty dropped the piece onto Rick's palm.
"Oh yeah baby, that's the stuff right there," Rick said after looking at the piece and he pulled Morty next to him. "Y- y- you see this Morty? This small piece of ugoslavranium is w- w- worth more than Earth itself, not like it's worth much anyway."
"Wow Rick, how did you come across that?"
"L- l- let's just say that I had to do some things I'm not proud of Morty. Ah I'm just kidding, I blew up a planet for it. Haven't regretted it since."
"You what!?" Morty shouted in horror and he pulled himself away from Rick. "Y- you blew up a planet? How could you Rick? That planet probably had life, and happiness, and-"
"Quiet Morty! It's not like the planet was doing any good anyway," Rick replied, cutting Morty off again. "It was full of bureaucrats Morty, bureaucrats! Now let's finish this thing." Rick flipped open a hatch on his invention and casually tossed in the ugoslavranium before closing it again.
"Stand back Morty, there's enough juice in this thing to obliterate the entire state, here's to hoping we don't die." He brought out a flask from inside his lab coat and took a swig from it. "Here Morty, want some?" Rick asked and held out the small metal flask towards him.
"Oh gee Rick, I don't know... but okay!" Morty exclaimed. He reached for the flask when Rick suddenly pulled it away from him.
"Hah! Psych! I can't believe you honestly believed I would give you my l- l- liquor Morty. Sucks to be you man." Rick took another swig before closing the flask and putting it back inside his lab coat. "Good news Morty, we didn't die. Let's test this baby."
"Can't we just wait until tomorrow Rick? I'm not really feeling up to another adventure right now," Morty replied and scratched his head.
"We don't have time to wait Morty!" Rick shouted and pulled Morty close to him again. "If this works as intended w- w- which it should, we can go to even more realities and dimensions th- th- than ever before!" Saliva began to run down the side of his mouth as he shook Morty because of how excited he was. "Just do this one last favor, for me Morty!"
"Oh... alright, but this is the last time Rick, you hear me?" Morty walked over to the device and picked it up, only to trip over his own feet shortly after, causing the invention to fall and smash into pieces on the garage floor. A moment later, a green portal suddenly appeared out of thin air, much to Rick and Morty's confusion.
"Smooth Morty, real smooth. It looks like y- y- your actions for smashing my invention just created an inter-dimensional black hole that leads to god knows where," Rick said. He reached inside his lab coat and took out the flask once more, except this time he finished the whole thing in one go. "I think the destruction of the ugoslavranium did that."
"I- I- I swear Rick, I didn't mean to!" Morty cried.
"Well don't just stand there Morty blubbering like an idiot! Grab onto something!"
"Wh- what? Oh right!" Morty replied and held onto one of the nearby shelves. "Someone! Someone help!"
"No one can hear us Morty, by what I'm seeing here we're pretty much screwed." The green portal suddenly became much stronger and Rick and Morty moved closer to it by the second. "Oh that's not good..."
"What now!? It's not like this thing was good to begin with Rick!" Morty shouted, his voice having turned panicky a while ago.
"Well Morty, we have about twenty seconds before this thing collapses, just look at how unstable it is. Our only option is to go through," Rick replied and watched as his mini safe was sucked into the portal. "Come on Morty! Come with me if you want to live!" Rick reached out and grabbed onto Morty's arm.
"I... I... fine, but if we die I'm blaming you Rick!" Morty shouted.
"I don't care. We'll let go on three. One... two..." Rick suddenly let go of what he was holding onto which caused Morty to lose his grip on the shelf as well.
"Wh- what happened to three!?"
"I grew bored. J- j- just hang on Morty, hang on!" Rick shouted as he and Morty tumbled towards the portal and went through.
The green portal suddenly materialized again in Twilight's palace, much to the Equestrian Rick and Morty's surprise. Something suddenly shot out of it and it bashed Morty on the nose.
"Get behind the table Morty! Take cover!" Rick shouted. He wrapped a leg around Morty and brought him behind the table. He quickly flipped it over and they sat down behind it
A whole bunch of materials flew out of the portal like a fountain, soon followed by Rick and Morty of dimension C-137. They were in the air for a second before they slammed onto the ground and they rolled until they both came to a complete stop. Morty lifted his head and watched as the green portal slowly disappeared.
"Come on Morty, get up, we don't have time to lie down," Rick said and he pulled Morty up and onto his feet. "Ugh, already we've been here for less than a minute and it smells like a horse's a**. What the h***? Holy c***."
"Uh Rick? Are you feeling okay?" Morty asked. "When you go to swear, you only say the first letter of the word and the rest is silence."
"I swear Morty, I'm not doing that on purpose," Rick replied. "You try, say a**."
"Say a...?"
Rick smacked his face and he turned around and pointed to his ass. "A** Morty, a**!"
"Ohhh, you want me to say that," Morty replied and cleared his throat. "A**, holy c*** you're right Rick! I can't say a**! O- o- or c***!"
"I have a feeling that it applies to every single curse known to man Morty, which frankly is re****ed," Rick said and suddenly gasped. "What? Are you kidding me? I can't say re****ed now? Ugh, this place blows Morty. Y- y- you know what? Let's screw this place up as best we can because of how stupid it already is, since it looks like we're stuck here and I don't have the Portal Gun to make a way back. What is this dimension called anyway?"
"Hey Rick! Over here! It looks like some of your materials from back home made it through the portal as well," Morty said and Rick quickly walked over to him. "Maybe we can use these materials to find a way home?"
"Well, w- w- would you look at that Morty, stuff I can actually use!" Rick exclaimed. He began to rummage through his materials while Morty walked off to look around. They looked to be in some sort of place made out of crystals. Suddenly he was knocked over and pinned to the ground from behind.
"Don't move, or else it'll be the l- l- last thing you ever do," a strangely familiar voice said. "Call for your friend. Now."
"R- R- Rick? Is that you?" Morty asked. "When did you suddenly gain so much weight?"
"Oh trying to be funny huh? Call for your friend. Now."
"Uh... Rick? You might want to turn around," Morty called out, having realized that the thing on him was't the Rick he knew, yet sounded so much like him.
"Not now Morty I'm busy being p***ed, ugh, mad, I'm busy being mad while looking at my stuff," Rick replied and he tossed a broken invention to the side.
"Rick? Please? He uh... doesn't look very welcoming."
"Who's he? Your imaginary horse friend?" Rick asked.
"J- j- just do it Rick!"
"Fine I'll turn around, jeez." He turned around only to see something he did not expect at all. A pony wearing a lab coat had Morty pinned to the ground and he watched as another one crawled from behind the table over to him
"What are you doing here? Why is this thing's name Morty? Why do you have the same name as me? T- t- tell me or your friend here gets it!" the larger one said, but Rick wasn't amused.
"You've got to be f***ing kidding me... I've seen strange but this... this is just... dumb!" Rick yelled and crossed his arms. "Besides, what if I don't want to?"
"Rick... I think what you should do what he says," Morty said, who was now beginning to breathe with difficulty.
"Well, I would just kill him, does your friend not mean much to you or w- w- what? You don't have a choice in this really," the pony in the lab coat replied.
"Yeah w- w- well, I do have a choice actually," Rick said and reached inside his lab coat. "Please, accept this gift as a token of my friendship." He pulled out his freeze ray and in two quick blasts, the two equines were frozen. "Hah! You weren't expecting that were ya? Get riggity riggity wrecked!"
"Jeez Rick, you didn't have to kill them!" Morty exclaimed in horror but Rick just shook his head.
"I didn't kill them Morty, but they are horses so the freeze effect won't last long because the gun is tuned for humans. Get your a** up, we don't want to be here when they do unfreeze." Morty rolled over away from the frozen horses and Rick quickly helped him up.
"Where should we go Rick? We have no idea where the h*** we are!" Rick quickly scanned their surroundings and noticed a door that was just down the hall.
"Grab whatever you can Morty, it looks like there is only one way out of here," Rick said when he noticed that the ice around the pony in the lab coat was beginning to crack. "Pick up what you can now and run like h***! Run Morty! Run!" The two picked up what they could and they began to run towards the pair of doors.
"W- what are we going to do Rick? We haven't even been here for a minute and already something has tried to kill me!" Morty shouted.
"I can't help you with the whole death thing, but we're g- g- going to find a way back home Morty, I have a feeling that the longer we stay here, the bigger the chance we'll be sc***ed, I mean in trouble." Rick replied. "Don't worry though, I'm pretty sure those h- h- horses will be no match for us if they decide to get in our way. After all, we have science on our sides, and thumbs." He held out his right thumb and looked back at the thawing horses. "Did you hear that? In your faces you four-legged talking freaks!"
The two slammed the front doors open, only to see a group of technicolor ponies before them. The two groups stared at each other for about a minute.
"Uh... we come in peace?" Morty said, not so sure of himself. The ponies looked at each other in confusion and then back at the two creatures in front of them.
"We don't have time for this Morty! Sure they can talk, but that doesn't mean they are very smart!" Rick yelled and he and Morty pushed their way through the group and continued to run.
"Gee Rick, it looks like this place is f- f- filled with ponies!" Morty exclaimed.
"That probably explains why it smells like a horse's a**!" Rick replied and he spotted a forest in the distance. "That's where we want to go Morty! To the forest! W- w- we'll set up shop there!" The two continued to sprint as fast as their legs could carry them, wondering how they'll ever be able to get home, and wondering just where the heck they were.
Back inside the castle, the ice encasing Rick shattered and he shook himself dry. "Ugh... the hidden freeze ray trick, he's good, I'll g- g- give him that, but next time, he won't win so easily," Rick said. "Fortunately my lab coat generates thermal heat, right Morty? Morty?" He looked over to see that his grandson had also been frozen and he sighed. "Always getting in the way of things M- M- Morty... d*** it. Hey sparkle butt, wake up!" Twilight Sparkle slowly opened her eyes and raised her head.
"Wh- what did I miss?" Twilight asked and she yawned before standing up. "Did the device work?"
"Yeah, it worked your highness, and it brought back an a**. Plus he froze Morty before he ran off with some other creature like him, so I n- n- need you to do me a favor and unfreeze Morty. Then after that, you're going to help me track them down."
