The battle for the key. Gizoogle-ized

by TheBritishBrony

Rating: everyone
Tags:
Length: 4333

Had to do it

hey guys sorry I havent posted in so long but i just had to do this

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-22 08:33:34 UTC

chapter 1

Da klaxons rang up piercin all up in mah laid back chill. I cracked mah eyes open ta peep tha red flashes piercin all up in tha darknizz illuminatin tha ocean grey walls. I pulled mah handz up ta mah chest n' pushed off of tha dirty carpet causin a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass sharp pain all up in mah right shoulder n' shit. I held a hand ta tha achin shoulder n' lent against a funky-ass bulk head holdin a cold-ass lil cracked computa screen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I removed mah hand ta peep tha wound n' I saw what tha fuck was causin It fo' realz. A shard of metal had pierced mah shoulder n' gone up all up in tha other side. My fuckin head was now poundin wit tha noise of tha klaxons, gettin annoyed I shouted."WILL SOMEBODY SHUT THAT BLOODY THING UP!" Da klaxons became silent n' tha hallway I was up in became illuminated wit aiiight light. I looked round ta find whoz ass had turned of tha noise. "Er... Thanks." I holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Turnin round I saw dat tha computa I had lent against was still flashing. Lookin all up in tha tha corner of tha screen it had a name on dat shit.

"H.M.S.Ark royal, biatch? CV-404 Ark Royal class battle cruiser?" I holla'd confusedly. I looked round again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "Well dat explains where I am." I looked all up in tha map on tha screen n' fuckin started ta make mah way ta tha control centa of tha ship.

I had been struttin fo' bout 10 minuets before it struck me just how tha fuck big-ass dis shizzle was, n' just how tha fuck lost I was.

"Wuz crackalackin' be anybody there?" I shouted desperate ta peep another livin soul, I was however answered wit static.

"Well, I might as well try ta find mah way back." As I turned round a cold-ass lil computa screen lit up wit a funky-ass big-ass flashin arrow pointin ta a cold-ass lil corridor ta mah left. I raised mah eyebrow up in mad drama but decided ta follow tha arrows. I followed dem up at least 33 decks before It pointed outta tha stairwell. I exited all up in tha steely grey door n' was greeted wit a wall covered wit windows. I stared up tha fuck into tha vastnizz of space, I could peep stars everywhere, I could peep a funky-ass dope shimmerin blue nebula n' most blinginly I could peep another shizzle n' dat shiznit was approaching. I turned n' ran down tha corridor ta  where tha arrows where pointin n' fell tha fuck tha fuck into a massive room full of control panels. I jumped tha fuck into tha chair situated near tha centa of tha room.

"Hello?" I shouted desperate fo' help now, nahmeean, biatch? "Please can anybody hear me son?"

suddenly tha room was flooded wit light as tha control systems reactivated.

"Wuz crackalackin' captain." Said a gangbangin' finger-lickin' distinctively biatch voice. My fuckin head flicked Around tha room tryin ta find tha source of tha voice.

"Hello, biatch? Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck is yo slick ass?" I axed still tryin ta find tha biatch whoz ass had spoken.

"I be tha Automated Computa Control System But you can call me ACCS. What do you require sir?"

"I need away ta escape from tha approachin ship. Now."

"What do you need ta know?" Biatch axed when her big-ass booty was rappin again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I was silent as I thought.

"I noticed dat there was some major damage ta a shitload of tha decks," I holla'd." Yo ass betta break me off a thugged-out damage report fo' all movement n' tactile systems?"

"Yes yes y'all, sir." ACCS holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Give me all dem moments." ACCS went silent fo' all dem secondz as thought thankin bout something.

"Damage report: Life support at 56%. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shieldz is offline. Main engines is offline. FTL drive core is fused, up in need of repair. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Directionizzle thrustas is online at 19%. Weapons systems, torpedo tubes 1 ta 13 is offline; Tube 14 is primed fo' fire. Main particle weapon banks is offline. Turrets 2 ta 8 is off line. Turrets 1 n' 9 ta 10 is locked n loaded fo' firing. Nanite repair crew online. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feelin dis shiznit!

Hull integritizzle at 27% efficiency."

I contemplated what tha fuck I had just heard.

"What is tha nanite repair crew for?" I axed ACCS.

"They is a emergency crew of microscopic robots dat was designed ta repair ships when they needed a quick fix up." Da computa responded.

"And how tha fuck long until dat shizzle gets here?" I axed again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I heard some bleeps as tha computa scanned tha approachin ship.

"At its present speed It is ghon be up in firin range up in 13 minuets." I lent back up in mah chair thankin bout what tha fuck ta do.

"ACCS. If our phat asses deployed tha nanites now how tha fuck nuff of tha major systems can we git hustlin before dat shizzle gets tha fuck into range?" I felt proud as a muthafucka of mah dirty ass fo' thankin like that, until I heard ACCS reply.

"Yo ass must enta authorization code ta activate repair crew." I could feel mah pride shatta round mah dirty ass.

"How tha fuck is I supposed ta know tha code?" I asked.

"Yo ass is tha freshly smoked up captain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. you must decizzle on a cold-ass lil code." I racked mah dome searchin fo' anythang dat was blingin ta mah dirty ass.

"Em...new authorization code." I stated wit as much authoritizzle as i could musta up in mah voice. "Code: 3475 alpha."

"Code accepted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. Deployin nanite crew." I sat back, as I heard a cold-ass lil clangin echoin all up in tha ship, preparin mah dirty ass fo' what tha fuck was bout ta happen.

"ACCS put a cold-ass lil countdown on tha screen wit a cold-ass lil continuously uppimpin list on repaired systems." I spoke.

" Aye captain." she responded.

------------Equestria------------

Twilight Sparkle n' her playaz had gathered atop tha grassy hill once again n' again n' again ta observe tha annual meteor shower like they had since Twilight had arrived up in ponyville 3 muthafuckin years before. everypony except Pinkie Pie n' Twilight was observin tha shower wit there eyes. Pinkie had abandoned her playaz up in favor of tha the fairy cakes Mista Muthafuckin n' Mrs. cake had provided dem wit fo' tha evenin n' sat there on tha blanket munchin away, Whilst Twilight had set up her telescope ta observe tha shower a lil' bit closer.

"Hmm." Twilight grumbled ta her muthafuckin ass. "This telescope won't zoom up in far enough." Her horn glowed as she used her magic ta shift tha particlez up in tha lens ta try n' zoom up in further n' shit.

"That should be phat enough." But before dat thugged-out biiiatch could release her magical grip on tha atoms dat biiiiatch was startled by Pinkie Pie tappin her back, causin her ta juice tha lens much betta than any of Equestriaz dopest observatory n' ta flick it up tha fuck into a random direction.

"Yes yes y'all, Pinkie?" Twilight asked, obviously tryin ta hide her annoyizzle dat Pinkie had potentially just destroyed her 500 bit telescope, dat was a present from tha bizzatches theyselves afta tha whole Nightmare Moon ordeal.

"Oh not a god damn thang much," Said tha pink pony. "Us thugs was just bout ta start tha pick nick." Biatch holla'd pointin ta wardz tha blanket where Twilight could peep tha element bearers, tha Cutie-mark crusadaz n' Spike chillin down n' gettin up tha basket while flickin glances all up in tha ongoin meteor shower.

"Ok Pinkie, i'll join you when I've sorted up mah telescope" Said Twilight turnin back ta tha viewin device.

Pinkie shrugged. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Ok yo, but you might wanna hurry, Spikez found tha crushed ruby cupcakes." Biatch holla'd as dat freaky freaky biatch headed over ta tha blanket. Twilight just sighed n' shrugged ta her muthafuckin ass, Pinkie Pie was Pinkie Pie afta all.

Twilight put her eye up ta tha telescope ta try n' locate tha shower again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch scrolled slowly all up in tha night sky, Lest she miss it fo' realz. As her big-ass booty scrolled her big-ass booty saw suttin' cross over tha telescopes point of view. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch shifted tha telescope up a lil' bit n' gasped. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch could peep a grey kind of shizzle floatin surrounded by debris wit a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shiftin pattern over dat shit. Movin a lil' bit further over ta tha left dat thugged-out biiiatch could peep a straight-up sinista lookin shizzle covered up in spikes n' glowin red movin menacingly towardz tha straight-up original gangsta ship. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch took her eye off of tha scope n' called Spike.

"Spike biaaatch! Yo ass betta come hear a second?" As she looked at his ass dat thugged-out biiiatch could hear his ass groan up in annoyance.

"Yes yes y'all, Twi, what tha fuck is it?" Dude axed wit annoyizzle n' tirednizz up in his voice.

"Yo ass betta look all up in tha telescope please." Biatch asked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Spike sighed n' placed one eye against tha viewin part of tha telescope.

"All I can peep be a gangbangin' floatin object surrounded by debris." Dude holla'd as tha pimpin' muthafucka took his wild lil' fuckin eye off of tha telescope, suddenly his wild lil' fuckin eyes widened n' he put his wild lil' fuckin eye against tha scope again.

"Is dat a spaceship." Dude axed on tha fuckin' down-lowly as so not ta alert tha others. at Twilightz nod he reached tha fuck into his bag n' pulled up a ink vile,a quill n' some parchment.

"Ready." Dude holla'd lookin at Twilight expectantly. Twilight fuckin started ta speak.

"Dear Supa-Hoe Celestia,"

-----------Ark Royal-------

Da klaxons fuckin started blarin startlin me up tha nap dat had taken mah dirty ass.

"ACCS. Whatz happening." I shouted over tha noise.

"WARNING! Bish battle shizzle closin in! Battle stations, I repeat battle stations" I looked panicked all up in tha screen fo' any systems dat could help mah dirty ass fo' realz. All tha weapon systems was back online,78% shields, 3 quartas impulse engines n' directionizzle thrusters. "ACCS," I fuckin started before I was interrupted.

"WARNING! 3 Bish pistols on course." Biatch shouted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time.

"ACCS, give me full neural control." I shouted rememberin tha emergency control system ACCS had holla'd at mah crazy ass about.

"Aye,sir." Biatch holla'd as I felt a prick up in mah spine. I fuckin started ta lose consciousnizz n' regained it able ta feel all tha ships systems.

I could feel tha pistols closin up in on tha bridge so I rolled tha shizzle allowin tha pistols ta make contact wit tha bottom of tha ship, shieldz absorbin a majoritizzle of tha impact but still rippin all up in tha bottom deck. I flipped tha shizzle towardz tha hood n' pushed on as fast as tha Ark Royal would allow. I could feel ACCS up in mah mind as her big-ass booty spoke.

"Sir yo ass is on a cold-ass lil collision course wit a pre-FTL society." I could feel her worry.

"No I be not" I holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "I be headin fo' tha moon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. If yo' scans was right they can not stop as soon as reverse thrustas is out, erect?" I asked.

"That is erect." I could almost feel her smirk as she realized what tha fuck I was planning.

I could feel tha Bish shizzle closin up in on me n' smiled. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Turnin mah aft turrets n' primin all aft torpedo launchers n' particle weapon banks I waited until there was less than 1000 metas between our asses n' I fired. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I could feel they ships pain as itz shieldin was torn away n' all itz reverse thrustas was taken out.

Puttin a gangbangin' full reverse on tha Ark Royal I could feel as tha Bish shizzle skimmed tha upper launch decks n' plowed tha fuck into tha moon at over 20'000 kilometas a hour. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. I felt tha neurological link fade n' awoke just up in time ta peep tha Bish shizzle detonate wit tha force of 3000 nuclear weapons.

"ACCS, put our asses tha fuck into a high orbit round dis moons hood." I felt tha engines shudder as they heaved tha Ship ta a orbit round tha hood.

"Aye captain." ACCS replied as I fell tha fuck tha fuck into a chill.

--------End Chapta one-------

chapter 2

-----------Ark Royal----------

"Attention captain." I awoke ta ACCS callin me outta slumber n' shit. I groaned n' rolled over,tryin ta block up tha computas voice. When dat freaky freaky biatch hadn't called mah crazy ass fo' five minuets I smiled thankin dat I had won, when tha klaxons fuckin started blarin at full volume causin me ta jump n' fall outta tha chair I had fallen asleep in.

"OK i'm up." I shouted as I pulled mah dirty ass up off of tha floor."What tha fuck iz it?" I axed as I dusted mah dirty ass off, Not dat I needed too I just done did it fo' show.

"Da Ark Royal is now up in a high orbit, just like you requested." I sighed as I shook mah head.

"Thanks fo' informin me ACCS but did you straight-up need ta wake me up fo' that?" I axed as I stood up in front of tha view screen, starin up all up in tha chronic n' blue hood brangin back flashez of familiarity.

"No sir." ACCS replied pullin me back outta mah thoughts, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. "But tha captain of tha nanite repair crew wishes ta drop a rhyme ta yo thugged-out ass." Yo ass looked round puzzled before dissin her muthafuckin ass.

"I thought dat tha nanites was microscopic?"

"They is sir" Biatch holla'd as a thugged-out door near tha back of tha room opened n' a swarm of liquid like robots fell tha fuck in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I hopped up onto ta tha chair ta avoid gettin any of dem on mah dirty ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Suddenly they fuckin started ta gather n' take a gangbangin' form. I peeped on up in fascination as they took on a human form. When tha nanites had stopped they was up in tha form of what tha fuck rocked up ta  be a biatch up in her early twenties, dat freaky freaky biatch had shoulder length brown afro n' magenta eyes. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was bustin a orange jumpsuit wit phat brown boots n' white gloves.

"So you tha knew captain?" Biatch axed mah crazy ass whilst glarin directly tha fuck into mah eyes, makin me feel straight-up hella uncomfortable."Yo kid I axed you a question." Biatch holla'd forcefully. I could only nod as she rolled her eyes. "Yo ACCS Is he a mute or something?" Then ACCS replied up in a tone I had never heard from her before.

"No he aint Nancy yo, but it would probably help if you gots outta his wild lil' grill n' let his ass speak." ACCS holla'd wit a almost growl like tone up in her voice.

"Ok ACCS def ya' self." Biatch then turned ta glare all up in mah grill again n' again n' again although not as straight fuckin as before. "So captain, as you probably just heard mah names Nancy, well it is when our asses lot is up in dis form fo' realz. Any way i'm yo' chizzle engineer now cuz of dat oldschool wind ounce ta tha bounce of a human bein incinerated." Biatch stopped bustin lyrics ta reach tha fuck into her pocket n' pulled up a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shizzle of paper n' handed it ta mah dirty ass.

"Whilst ACCS was haulin our asses over ta dis hood me n' mah crew took tha liberty ta fix tha Ark Royal up ta 100% efficiency." Biatch holla'd whilst holdin a smug look on her face. I stared all up in tha shizzle up in mah hand ta peep a thugged-out damage report.

I looked it over ta peep dat biiiiatch was right bout tha fixed up ship.

"Well done Nancy." I holla'd handin her back tha paper n' shit.

"No problem cap'." her big-ass booty holla'd as da hoe fuckin started ta dissolve back tha fuck into tha swarm. "See ya." Biatch holla'd as tha swarm melted tha fuck into tha deck n' dispersed.

"Is there anythang else ACCS?" I asked.

"No captain, you can go back ta chill." Biatch holla'd n' tha lights lowered leavin tha room bathed up in tha light bein reflected from tha hoodz surface. I yawned n' lent back up in tha chair again.

" 'Night ACCS." I holla'd as I fell tha fuck asleep once again.

---------Canterlot--------

Supa-Hoe Celestia was chillin on her throne wit a smile on her grill as she listened ta tha light red earth pony stallion whoz ass stood up in front of her n' shiznit yo. Dude was askin if it would be possible ta git tha muthafuckin rights ta push his wild lil' freakadelic loot up in Canterlot as dat shiznit was da most thugged-out likely place ta want fresh ingredients cuz of tha noblez ficklenizz wit tha freshnizz n' qualitizzle of they chicken n' you know I be eatin up dat shizzle all muthafuckin day, biatch.

Da stallion had just finished his thugged-out lil' petizzle when a letta from her hustla rocked up in a gangbangin' flash of smoke next ta her head.

"I be sorry as a muthafucka everypony but I be goin ta gotta cut dis session short." As Celestia turned ta strutt up tha room dat freaky freaky biatch heard tha sadnizz filled voice of tha stallion.

"I KNOW bizzatch fuck you fo' yo' time." Dude turned ta strutt outta tha room until Celestia called his ass back.

"Red Autumn." her big-ass booty holla'd causin tha rusty stallion ta turn around.

"Yes yes y'all, bizzatch?" Dude axed wit hope up in his fuckin lil' dark brown eyes. Da Supa-Hoe smiled.

"Yo ass have mah permission ta push yo' crewz loot on tha main street of Canterlot." tha stallionz grill hung open before da perved-out muthafucka stammered up his fuckin lyrics of props.

"Nuff props so much yo' highness." Dude holla'd bowin so low his fuckin lil' dusty brown mane brushed tha floor.

"Dat shiznit was nothing." Said Celestia wit a smile. "Now if yo big-ass booty is ghon excuse me I be goin ta retire ta mah private chambers."

Red Autumn nodded again n' again n' again still thankin tha bizzatch fo' her generosity.

Da bizzatch entered her room greetin tha guardz wit tha formalitizzle dat was expected of her up in dis biatch.

As soon as her doors was closed she removed her regalia n' put it on her bedside table before floppin onto tha bed n' rollin onto her side. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch sighed n' closed her eyes, Dat shiznit was a rare occasion dat dat thugged-out biiiatch called off tha dizzle court early but when her dope ass did she always savored tha lil bit of free time dat freaky freaky biatch had. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch was bout ta doze off when she remembered tha letta from her hustla. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch looked all up in tha letta again n' again n' again n' saw dat it had a purple seal on dat shit. Celestia sat up when she remembered dat Twilight only used dat color when dat shiznit was a emrgancy dat thugged-out biiiatch cracked open tha seal ta read what tha fuck could be all kindsa blingin.

Dear Supa-Hoe Celestia

At round 01:30 dis mornin me n' mah playaz was watchin tha meteor shower dat you sista had put on when I decided ta set up mah telescope. Unfortunately I could not git a phat view so I used mah magic ta expand tha lens ta git a funky-ass betta view when Pinkie mad mah crazy ass jump accidentally puttin ta much juice tha fuck into tha lens.

Afta dat I looked all up in it when I saw suttin' strange. Well shiiiit, it rocked up ta be a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shizzle of some sort bein pursued by another, I followed dem fo' bout 20 minuets n' lost sight of dem afta they went behind tha moon, however I did peep a gangbangin' flash of light afterwards.

I continued ta search dis mornin ta peep if I could catch a sight of either of dem but could only find tha original gangsta one. I peeped it approach tha hood but stop at a high orbit just over tha area between Canterlot n' Ponyville.

If you or Luna know anythang bout dis vessel could you please let me know.

Thank yo thugged-out ass.

Yo crazy-ass Supa-Hoe up in arms.

Twilight Sparkle.

Celestia rolled up tha scroll n' stared outta her window, which over looked Ponyville, n' stared up ta tha sky.

one of tha nuff perkz of bein a alicorn dat Celestia was horny bout was bein able ta peep much further than anypony else.

Afta half a minute of searchin Biatch spotted a grey speck up in tha sky. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch concentrated on it tryin ta peep it even clearer.

When dat freaky freaky biatch had  bigged up  dis dat thugged-out biiiatch could peep a grey-ish shizzle like vessel hangin upside down up in tha sky.

Bitch stopped smilin n' fuckin started frowning.Bitch turned n' galloped outta tha room desperate ta find her sista n' shiznit fo' realz. Afta 10 minuetz of hustlin across tha massive castle she ran straight tha fuck into tha navy blue alicorn.

"Luna!" Exclaimed Celestia. "I be soopa-doopa sorry I didn't expect you ta be awake."

"It aint nuthin but fine 'Tia." Said Luna bobbin her head n' pullin her muthafuckin ass off of tha ground, hissin up in pain while her dope ass did so.

"It can't be if yo' up in pain afta dat fall." Luna chuckled n' shook her head.

"It aint nuthin but not cuz of tha fall." Said Luna as her dope ass pimped up her sisterz eyes ta her bandaged torso. Celestia Looked at her sista up in worry.

"How tha fuck did dat happen Luna?" axed tha olda alicorn, worry lacin her voice.

"Well you peep when a asterizzle hits tha moon it gets damaged, therefore mah natural affinitizzle wit tha moon means it scalez down tha damage ta mah size yo. However suttin' big-ass hit it earlier on causin a massive scrape on mah side dat has yet ta heal." Biatch holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Suddenly Celestiaz eyes widened as she realized something.

'Wait, two shizzle go behind tha moon only one comes back round n' dis mornin mah sister, whoz ass gets hurt every last muthafuckin time tha moon gets damaged is hurt. Thatz where tha other shizzle is!"

Celestia grabbed Luna up in her magical grasp n' picked her up before dartin back towardz her room.

"Tia, where is you takin me son?" Shouted tha younger alicorn whoz ass was strugglin up in her sisterz grasp.

"Too mah room." Celestia shouted back. "Yo ass gotta peep something."

Celestia burst tha fuck into her room, blastin past he guardz whoz ass didn't even bat a eyelid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch shoved her sista onto tha balcony n' pimped up her gaze ta tha still present starship.

"Yo ass betta peep that?" she axed he younger sista n' shit. Luna shook her head up in disbelief.

"What tha fuck iz it?" she axed when she looked all up in tha alabasta mare again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Celestia picked up Twilightz letta n' offered it ta her sister.

"Read all dis bullshit." Biatch stated simply. Celestia gauged Lunaz erection as she read tha letter n' shit. when she finished she looked at her sister.

"A starship?" she axed n' Celestia replied wit a nod.

"what is we goin ta do?" Luna axed afta nuff muthafuckin long momentz of silence.

"Perhaps we should call tha UNE together." Luna was silent as dat thugged-out biiiatch considered her sistas opinion.

"That is probably a phat idea." holla'd Luna wit a Nod. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

"I be bout ta bust a letta ta tha members." Said Celestia pullin up a quill n' parchment.

"Git tha fuck outta ma bidnizz then sister, i'm off ta bed." Said Luna as dat biiiiatch strutted outta tha door.

"Ok." Celestia replied, already too busy preparin a letta fo' tha thugz of tha United Nationz of Equis.