Twilight Sparkle felt stuck, as she really liked her spine. She paced in a circle as she thought. A few weeks ago her life had been simple. Get up, study, have a lesson with Princess Celestia, read, go to bed. Then there was the thousandth Summer Sun Celebration and her whole life changed! Now, she was a librarian in Ponyville studying the magic of friendship with her five new friends. Everything had changed in her life, but for the better, she was certain.
At least she had been. Last night had been Luna’s first time raising the moon in a thousand years. Obviously she was nervous so Princess Celestia requested Twilight to find a spot in Ponyville where the three of them would be left in peace. Twilight hadn’t been sure why Princess Luna had wanted her there along with Princess Celestia, but the idea of turning down an invitation from one princess was unheard of, never mind two of them! So, Twilight had gone.
Princess Luna had a way with the night that Twilight had never witnessed before. While Celestia had been able to place everything in their rightful spot, that was the extent of her ability. Princess Luna... she painted the sky so it was just, beautiful. Twilight slowly breathed out as she watched.
Nothing could have possibly ruined how she was feeling, until something did. She felt soft warm lips on the side of her muzzle. Her eyes widened. By process of elimination she quickly determined that these soft lips belonged to Princess Luna. Twilight should have been delighted, but, there was a small problem.
Twilight wasn’t gay.
Not that Twilight had a problem with same sex couples! She didn’t! In fact, she was fairly certain that some of her new friends swung that way. coughRainbow Dashcough She just only had eyes for colts. Especially Soarin… Mmm.
So Twilight had turned to Princess Luna and tried to explain that while she would love to be friends, she just didn’t like any mare in that way. Immediately, Luna began to slump forward, her ears fell against her head. And then, Twilight heard it. A very soft, yet deadly voice in her ear.
“If you break her heart, I’ll break your spine.”
Needless to say Twilight now had her first date with Princess Luna planned to occur exactly one week from today.
Twilight really liked her spine!
So now, Twilight Sparkle had exactly one week to either A: find a way to tell Princess Luna that she wasn’t interested without breaking her heart, or B: Find a way to turn herself gay. And from what she had read in those romance novels Rarity had given her, she’d have better luck in doing the impossible. That is option B.
Twilight liked her spine after all. It helped her walk, let her move, her spine was very beloved to her.
Decided on what to do, Twilight stepped out of the groove she had worn into the floor due to her pacing, and repaired it with a quick burst of magic. She licked her lips and took up a bit of parchment and a quill. Normally she would have simply dictated this all to Spike, but, well, she really had no desire to tell anypony, or any dragon as it may be, what exactly she was planning. After a few moments of frantic writing she looked down at her newest checklist.
How to change my sexual preference, and keep my spine.
With a firm nod, Twilight rolled up her very sensitive checklist. She had a quick stop to make before she got started.
“Oh for the love of Celestia! Doesn’t anypony in this town know that the moon means sleep!”
Twilight smiled a touch at the sound of her very annoyed dear friend. She didn’t need to wait long as the lock clicked and the door opened to reveal a white, unicorn mare dressed in a robe with fuzzy bunny slippers on her hooves. A sleep mask rested on her forehead as she blinked at her guest.
“Twilight? Darling, you know I care for you a great deal but unless this is dreadfully important, I’d like to inform you of something. My special talent is finding gems, and they’d never find the body.”
Twilight blinked once, then twice, I hadn’t realized exactly how late it was in fact… She glanced up at the night sky. According to the position of the moon, it is only about nine thirty. Rarity must go to bed very early. I guess I had better make this quick.
“I’m sorry for waking you Rarity, but I was hoping that you might be willing to assist me? I’m working on a project and I have need for your largest available needle.”
Rarity blinked a few times before her horn lit up and a large needle floated over. “Here you are darling. I’m afraid it’s not very sharp. Will that be a hindrance?”
Twilight took the needle within her own magic before sliding it into her saddle bag. “Actually, the fact that it is dulled will work to my advantage in this case. Goodnight Rarity, sleep well.”
“Good night to you as well Darling. Oh, and Twilight?”
Twilight paused as she had started to turn away. “Yes Rarity?”
“Let’s not make this a common occurrence.” Her lined lips made Twilight shiver and she found herself nodding quickly.
Rarity smiled. “Wonderful! Until tomorrow!” She closed the door on Twilight’s muzzle in the most lady like way as possible.
Twilight stood in the middle of her lab and took a deep breath in. In front of her eyes was a poster of Soarin, who was without attire. Twilight licked her lips and shivered her horn glowing. “Dictation spell is activated, now to test. This is Twilight Sparkle, test one, test two. Read back.”
“This is Twilight Sparkle, test one, test two.”
Satisfied that her dictation spell was active and functioning, she returned her attention to the large poster now on her wall, Soarin was sprawled on his side, his right wing just covering… Twilight felt her face warm as she realized exactly what it was that wing was covering. She coughed “The subject Twilight Sparkle now referred to as Subject, has gotten herself situated in front of a very subjective poster of her crush and at this time is.” Twilight gulped “Experiencing the beginning stages of arousal. Including dilated eyes, and a quickened pulse. The purpose of this procedure is to cause Subject to have her gender preference changed from colts to fillies. Also, to keep Subject’s spine unbroken, though this is a secondary reason. At this time we shall begin the first part of the procedure, aversion therapy.”
Twilight took a deep breath and sat on her haunches in front of the poster. “To do this we have enchanted this needle to prick Subject’s right fore hoof any time her heart beat increases. It is our hope that this will cause Subject’s brain to associate pain with the arousal that thinking about colts is causing her.”
Twilight yelped as the dull needle jabbed itself into the top of her hoof. “We may.” She whimpered pulling the needle out with her teeth. “Need to readjust the spell controlling the needle.” Twilight carefully licked the puncture hole until it stopped bleeding. “We shall also be switching hooves.”
Twilight carefully climbed the stairs covered in tiny needle punctures caused by five hours of experimentation. She winced after every step. “Ah, ow, eh, oof. We, ow, can conclude with certainty, Oh Celestia, that using aversion therapy, mmmm mommy this hurts, is not at all useful, Ow,ow,ow! in changing Subject’s.” She whimpered collapsing at the top of the stairs. After laying there a few moments she wiped away her tears. “Gender preference. With that, day oh mommy, it hurts! one of the procedure has come to a end. End dictation.”
Twilight curled up with a moan as the parchment that had been floating above her curled up and landed next to her. As if summoned by her moaning, Spike walked in and blinked.
“Do I really want to know?”
Twilight considered, It could be useful to have him monitor the procedures, but then he might go to her friends and… “No Spike, you really truly don’t.” She jolted in pain. Which, needless to say, was not in the least helpful. “You really don’t.”
Spike rolled his eyes at his so called ‘boss’ and headed upstairs where he kept several different Twilight first aid kits. “Let’s see, magical spells, burns, dismemberment, ah here we go! Mild cuts.” He grabbed the purple case and carried it downstairs.
“Alright Twilight, uncurl a bit and let me help.”
Twilight forced herself to uncurl so that she more resembled a pony rather than a purple ball of fur.
Spike poured some gel into his claws and rubbed them together, which actually cooled the gel. Spike had asked Twilight a few times how it worked, but after his eyes had glazed over five times during one explanation, he decided to just go with it’s magic. He gently rubbed the gel into Twilight’s injuries and smiled as she let out soft whimpers, her eyes slowly sliding closed. Spike nodded in relief. That gel would keep Twilight asleep until her injuries healed. He slipped a pillow under her head and stroked her muzzle. Twilight smiled in her sleep.
“Sleep well Twi.”
Twilight groaned as the bright sunlight tried to work it’s way in between her eyelids. It seemed almost as if Princess Celestia herself was controlling that particular beam to be the most annoying. Twilight twitched and finally opened her eyes and stretched out Ugh, I’m so stiff… She smacked her lips a few times. “Spike! Spike!?”
Spike walked up to Twilight holding a cup of coffee in his claws. “Oh good, you’re awake Twi. You really did it to yourself this time!”
Twilight levitated the cup into her still slightly painful hooves taking a long sip. “Ah, that was exactly what I needed Spike thank you.”
Spike shook his head. “Yeah, no problem Twi, but can you tell me exactly why I found you curled up covered in needle pricks?”
After taking another sip she laughed nervously. “Oh, no real reason Spike. Just trying a new spell, but it didn’t work as well as I had hoped it would. Ah, would you be willing to do me a big favor?” Twilight watched as Spike cocked his head to the side. She concentrated her horn glowing bright before the large needle appeared in front of her muzzle. “Would you be willing to take this back to Rarity? You can even stay and help her out if she needs you.”
Spike, quick as a shot, took the needle in his claw, a large grin covering his lips as he raced for the door, throwing a “Bye Twi!” over his shoulder as the door slammed shut behind him.
Twilight knew she should have felt a bit guilty using Spike’s crush like that. I do owe Rarity after disturbing her last night. She grinned, downing her coffee in one final gulp. She looked around and breathed out in relief. There, untouched next to her, was her very sensitive checklist and report so far. She snatched up a quill and unrolled it. “Aversion therapy failed.” She crossed it out and glanced at the next idea. And frowned. “Self hypnotism has a fairly high failure rate… It would really be better if I had someone who could help me…” She tapped at her chin for a few moments before the idea hit her.
“Dictation spell expand to include Fluttershy. Hello Fluttershy. Go ahead and say something.” Twilight smiled at her slowly blinking, pegasus friend.
“Oh, um hello Twilight’s dictation spell?” Fluttershy finally stated after a moment’s hesitance. Twilight glanced down at the scroll and smiled.
“Great! Alright then Fluttershy, I need some assistance from you, if you wouldn’t mind.” Twilight took a sip of the tea Fluttershy had prepared for the both of them.
“Oh yes, I’d do anything to help you Twilight. Um, well, if i’m able to anyway.” Fluttershy cocked her head, curious about what her friend wanted from her, though she was desperately hoping it didn’t have to do with anything super scary.
Twilight nodded. “Oh yes, I’m almost certain you will be able to. After that whole thing with the cockatrice, there isn’t anypony else I’d trust with this!”
Fluttershy blushed remembering very well that night. “Oh, well, I couldn’t let you just stay a statue like that, could I?”
Twilight shook her head. “No, no of course not! And that’s why I knew I had to come to you! Fluttershy, this is super important and you can’t tell anypony!”
“I won’t tell anypony ever Twilight! I-I, um, I mean you can trust me.” Fluttershy smiled though she was a touch worried at that look in Twilight’s eye.
“Fluttershy, I need you to hypnotize me to like fillies instead of colts.” Twilight said before taking another sip of her tea, not noticing how Fluttershy blinked a few times at her while her mouth was slightly open.
“I-I’m sorry?” Fluttershy finally squeaked out.
“I want you to make me like fillies rather than colts in a, ah, romantic manner?” Twilight attempted to clarify. As she saw Fluttershy open her mouth, she grabbed one of her hooves in both of her own. “Please Fluttershy, I can’t trust anypony else to do this, and I don’t think I could even try to do it myself!”
Fluttershy hesitated as she looked down at her hoof, captured by Twilight’s, and squirming a bit before looking up at Twilight and slumping at the look of pure desperation on her face. “This is… really important to you isn’t it? Alright. I can't promise anything, but I’ll try.”
Twilight took a deep breath before slowly letting it out. “Thank you Fluttershy!” She sat back on the couch as Fluttershy closed her eyes before opening them.
“Twilight Sparkle, you are going to listen to me, do you understand?” Fluttershy asked in a very firm tone, her eyes making Twilight feel a bit scared. She definitely wanted to obey Fluttershy!
“Yes ma’am.” Twilight squeaked out as Fluttershy continued to stare at her.
“You aren’t going to like colts anymore! They are icky and not as nice as fillies! So from now on that's what you are going to do. You are going to like fillies!” Fluttershy narrowed her eyes just a bit and Twilight felt herself begin to sweat a bead of it rolling down her cheek.
“Yes ma’am! I’ll like fillies, I will!” Twilight would like fillies from here until the end of forever if it would stop the stare. Then, as quickly as it started, it was over and Fluttershy was wiping the sweat from Twilight.
“Oh no! Are you alright Twilight? I’ve never used the stare like that before.I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
Twilight took a few moments to settle her heart rate and the slight tremble she had developed and shook her head. “No Fluttershy, I’m fine, but I see how you were able to convince that dragon and the cockatrice to be nice! That was intense!”
Fluttershy smiled “Oh good! So it worked? Do you now like fillies instead of colts?”
Twilight hesitated for a moment, and then cursed quietly. “No, it didn’t work.” She shook her head before giving Fluttershy a hug. “Thanks for trying though.”
“Oh, yes, not a problem, Twilight. I’m sorry I couldn’t help. Will you be alright?” Fluttershy wrapped her forelegs around her friend and squeezed lightly.
“Yeah. I’m not entirely out of options yet! Don’t worry Fluttershy, I’ll be just fine. I better get home though, and thanks for the tea.” Twilight pulled back from the hug and grabbed her scrolls, canceling the dictation spell. She lifted a hoof and waved before walking back home to the library, fiercely crossing out hypnosis and glancing down at the next option, pondering the safest way to manage it.
Rainbow Dash lifted an eyebrow as she stared down at Twilight. “Lemme get this straight. You want me to follow you around all day long while you walk around Ponyville.”
“That’s right.” Twilight nodded checking her bag of bits and placing them in her saddle bags.
“And while i’m following you around, you want me to give you a small shock with a lightning bolt if I catch you looking at a stallion?” Rainbow Dash continued seeing one of her best friends nod eagerly.
“Oh yes. If I’ve been looking at the same stallion for over five seconds and haven’t said anything.” Twilight pulled her saddle bags on and smiled up at Rainbow Dash.
“...Twilight are you a pony who enjoys pain? Because we have spots for that around here and it’d be a lot more enjoyable I think.” Rainbow Dash finally asked landing on the ground next to Twilight with a grin.
Twilight sighed. “No, Rainbow, this is something else entirely. Would you do this for me please?”
Rainbow stretched herself out and grinned. “Alright Sparkle. They don’t call me Loyalty for nothing. Prepare yourself for a very shocking day!”
Spike looked up as the door opened and shut. “Hey Twi… Twilight, are you okay?” He rushed over to where Twilight was barely standing, trembling a bit on her hooves while every hair in her mane and tail sticking out. She groaned, a bit of smoke escaping her mouth.
“Spike… take that scroll from my saddle bags out and cross out electroshock therapy and write no, never ever again!” Twilight slowly walked towards the stairs. “Also gather the kit for minor electrocution burns and meet me upstairs.”
Spike glanced at the scroll and frowned as he read the title. How to change my sexual preference, and keep my spine.. “...Twilight, what on Equestria?” He shook his head as he saw that after electroshock therapy there were just a bunch of question marks. “Looks like she’s out of ideas. Wait, what was it that I heard Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle discussing the other day?” He tapped his chin as he tried to remember it hit him at once and he grabbed the series of four teen filly novels along with the electric burn kit and raced upstairs.
If this doesn’t do it nothing will!
It hadn’t worked, Twilight had tried everything she could think of to change her gender preference from colts to fillies, but nothing had worked. Not even that book series. She shivered as she recalled reading all four of them, twice. No, there was nothing to do for it except tell Luna the truth and hope Princess Celestia at least numbed her before snapping her spine. She sighed as she sat on the blanket waiting for Luna.
“Greetings to thee Twilight Sparkle.” A soft voice stated as she settled down beside Twilight a nervous smile on her muzzle.
Twilight nodded her head “Good evening, listen Princess we need to ta—” Twilight blinked as she felt Luna’s hoof on her lips.
“We know what you are about to say… but may we request just this night to pretend? We do not need to speak of how you feel. What if we are to talk of shared interests? Our sister says you share our love of mathematics and sciences.” Luna smiled sadly as she removed her golden-clad shoe as Twilight smiled, nodded, and opened the picnic basket.
“Well, alright. What are your thoughts on Starswirl’s third theorem?”
Twilight wasn’t sure what had happened but over the date she found herself relaxing. Luna was sweet, she was intelligent, and she made her laugh. If either of them had been a colt, they would have been perfect together. Twilight glanced over at Luna. They were both laying on their backs, watching the stars. Luna’s fore legs were curled in such a cute manner. Twilight felt a bit of heat in her cheeks while her stomach felt like it was doing flip flops. She blinked. Di-did it work after all? Am I attracted to fillies now? She attempted to envision one of the models from Shining’s magazines and felt a bit ill and frowned. No, but then…
She sat up and looked down at Luna, marveling at how her eyes reflected the light of the moon. She trembled, licking her now dry lips as she smiled. I understand now… She leaned down and pressed her lips to Luna’s cheek, surprising the princess who looked at her with tears in her eyes. Twilight simply smiled and lay closer to Luna, her new filly friend.
Twilight Sparkle no longer felt stuck. It was true, she really did like her spine. And yes, she was still mostly attracted to colts. But love doesn’t care for gender, and Twilight knew one thing. She was falling in love with Luna. That was all that mattered.
Author's Note
No, Twilight did not change her gender preferences with anything she tried. Do not comment that she did. She did not. She only found out that when you love someone gender isn't such a huge idea after all.
