In which a mobile phone is horrifically overpowered.

by boothnat

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Human
Length: 956

An incredibly stupid HiE in which the human is murdered immediately. However, his soul posseses a phone. Something ensues.

Five minutes ago, a visitor arrived in Equestria. He, sadly, was instantly killed by a spell cast by Twilight Sparkle.
However, the death of the body does not always kill the soul, and in the magical land of Equestria, where random stuff happens, you do not want to have a hard drive nearby.
_____________________________
A one shot due to the fact that I have proved my unreliability as an author time and time again.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-22 10:43:07 UTC

Why am I writing this?

Well, I'm dead.

I really should be more panicky about this fact.

But no.

I will only look at the positives.

If I am now a ghost, then I can finally watch Luna shower, as I always wanted to.

If I go to heaven, fuck yes.

If I go to hell, well.... Fuck.

But two outta three ain't bad odds.

Well, I can still see Twilight. She seems to be crying. Nice to know that someone is sad that I'm gone.

"WHY? I HAD SUCH A CHANCE AT KNOWLEDGE! WHY DID IT HAVE TO APPEAR RIGHT AFTER MY SELF DEFENCE CLASS? HOW WILL I EVER LEARN ABOUT IT'S CULTURE!"

Or not.

Oooh, I see a light!

It's in my pocket!

I wonder why Twilight hasn't noticed it........

Well, might as well head towards it. That's what people say you should do if you die?

Are there nachos in heaven?

I hope there are.

Otherwise, I'd be pissed.

Oh well, to the light!

5 minutes l8tr.

Oooh!

Heaven looks like Twilight's library!

It even has Twilight!

And a dead body!

Wait a minute. That's my dead body.

"WHAT SECRETS DO YOU HOLD, GLOWY BRICK THING!? COME CLEAN!"

Why is Twilight staring at me as she says that?

I wonder if she can hear me!

"Twiliiiiiight Spaaaarkle. I am the ghost of the thing you killed just noooooow."

My ghost voice sucks.

Also, why did I sound like Siri?

Hey, she's looking at me!

And she's terrified!

It's gonna be so much fun spooking her.....

"Oh my gosh! You can talk!"

"Of course I can. I am a ghost."

"No, you're a female glowing brick."

Huh. I must really sound like Siri if she thinks I'm-

Wait a minute. She said that in response to me saying I was the thing she just killed..

Which means she knows I was not female.

WHICHMEANS SHE STRIP SEARCHED ME.

OH GOD WHY.

But if I sound like Siri.....

And the light was in my pocket...

Oh god.

I'm a phone.

I fall into sleep mode with an audible click.

.....................................................................................................................................................

I wake up. Oh my god. All the mane six are here.

I, being a nervous phone, fall into sleep mode again.

Not.

For you see, Twilight Sparkle was TOUCHING ME.

WITH HER HOOVES.

My sense of modesty is infuriated.

"Twilight, please stahp."

She stopped.

Then she said one word in a sentence that changed my life forever.

"Why do you have a password?"

OH GOD. SHE KNOWS THE WORD.

ONE WORD TO RULE ME. ONE WORD RO COMMAND ME.

SHE KNOWS MY PASSWORD.

FOR MY PASSWORD IS PASSWORD!

"OH MISTRESS! I SHALL OBEY YOUR EVERY COMMAND! I SHALL HELP YOU IN ALLATTERS! YOU HAVE DISCOVERED MY NAAAAME!"

Why does the mention of this word bring me to my USB ports?

Why does mentioning my password bind me to give up my secrets?

Because I am a phone.

Applejack stared.

"Twilight... Ah reckon you were telling the truth."

Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and other background pony  facepalmed.

"But Applejack, you're the element of HONESTY! Your supposed to be able to notice whether or not somebody is telling the truth! Or are you... A CHANGELING!?"

"Keep quiet! The talking brick is more important!"

"Says who, another changeling spy?!"

I HAD to stop this from getting out of hand.

So I used the only crowd control I had.

"Baby, babeh, babeh oooh!"

Thanks JB!

At maximum volume, there is no pony that would not be stahped by this music.

But while the result was the same, the actual reaction was different.

They enjoyed it.

Rarity called it tasteful. She began a slow dance.

Twilight Sparkle was so curious about everything she hated nothing.

Pinkie Pie.... Was Pinkie Pie.

Applejack and Rainbow began dancing.

Okay, I had to get outta here. NO way was I gonna be near a bunch of... BELIEBERS.

So I pointed my speakers down, and used a max volume burst of One Direction to fly off of the library's wooden table. I blew open the pathetic Ponyville taxpayer funded library door using a recorded ad of Old Spice, and tried to escape. My speakers then suddenly turned off, as my power saver switched from speakers to headphones.

Apparently that happens if your battery is below fourteen percent.

Go figure.

Why was I lugging the fanned things around again?

OH NO. THE BELIEBERS WERE COMING.

AND NOT IN THE WAY THAT I LIKE!

So I did the one thing I could.

I turned up the radio.

Twilight Sparkle was the first to fall.

The horrible music was too much for her to handle. The petite nuances of the gangam style do not seem to be meant for ponies.

Her head exploded.

I did not see that coming.

Next was Pinkie Pie.

She was probably overloaded by the awesome.

Rainbow Dawn's brains were proven to not be rainbow colored next.

Then came Applejack.

She honestly thought the song sucked.

Then the other background ponies.

AND THEN THEOR SOULS CAME INTO MY PHONE!

DAMMIT!

WHO ARE YOU?

ARE YOU THE ONE WHO WAS PLAYING THAT MUSIC? THE ONE WITH THE BABY?

OOH! THIS IS SO MUCH FUN! I WODER HOW I SOUND!

"I am a crazy robot. Ding. Dong.Ding. Dong."

PLEASE STOP!

I'be stopped... Is that okay with you? I mean I know you told me to, but I have to make sure....

THIS IS NOT AWESOME! THE OUTSIDE IS DEFINETELY TWENTY PERCENT COOLER!

NO, PLEASE STOOOOOP!

WHY SHOULD WR, SILLY? THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!

BECAUSE I DON'T THINK THE BATTERY CAN TAKE MUCH MORE OF-

Morgan Freeman looked at Darth Vader and shuddered.

"I sense a disturbance in the drugs."

"HAS ANOTHER UNIVERSE GOTTEN FUCKED?"

"Yup."