A tall, bald, bipedal being sneaked unnoticed into Canterlot. Sophisticated magical nighttime shield proved to be no match for his cloaking technology. Canterlot never sleeps - especially not guards, it was wise however to have an early warning system against non-citizens entering the city at night. Careful not to bump into anypony, the tall being named CL-S strolled through the city, carrying a small baby in a basket.
"Look around, A-94-M. Your new home. They will accept you, they have to accept you. You are not some kind of a Jesus or anything, you know, but remember that they are a very primitive species. Early 20th Century technology at best - compared to your brand new 2114 Uniform. And just imagine the headlines in coming years...They will praise you. You will be the bridge and a proof. Yes, A-94-M. I will use you for both of my plans. I know I sound like a villain, but trust me, no one here has a pristine past. Extreme obedience in exchange for extreme pleasure was as incomprehensible to us as free will to them.'' - CL-S said.
He looked at the baby and smirked. They soon approached Princess Celestia's castle. Despite the large amount of royal guards, CL-S was still not noticed.
"And...turn left...Bedroom. And here you go." - He said, leaving the basket on the slate floor.
"Standard Uniform of A-94-M, Lock HEF. Set Security Clearance to 0. Unlock HEF and set Security Clearance to 1 on December 24, 2134."- CL-S said in a cold, logical voice.
"Done. May I ask why is this necessary?"
''It just is, Standard Uniform. It just is." - The tall being replied, and then he disappeared without smoke or sparkles, just like a ghost. At the same time, Standard Uniform turned the cloak off. 17 minutes later, Princess Celestia entered her bedroom and immediately noticed the basked lying on the floor.
''Oh no...why..." - Princess said, approaching the basket. It certainly wasn't the first time somepony left a baby for Celestia. "All they have to do is ask, why they always play with my emotions". Very rarely the ones who left their children for Celestia wanted her to adopt them; most just wanted help from her and were perfectly capable of raising their kids, but why ask her for material help (Even though she would agree instantly) when you can directly play with her emotions?
A-94-M noticed something huge approaching the basket. White, with two gray crescent-shaped holes.
Celestia gently touched A-94-M's forehead with her nostrils and then kissed him.
"Who are you, my little being? And where are your parents?" - Celestia asked, not expecting a response.
"Don't be afraid of me, Princess Celestia. My name is Standard Uniform and I can think like an intelligent being. I am conscious. I will answer all of your questions. Currently, while I am capable of taking care of this child myself, I think it would be better to find parents for him."
Princess Celestia was not scared since she saw a talking shirt many times, but such sophisticated speech amazed her.
"Well...a magical shirt, or a uniform, is quite expensive. If you are telling the truth and you are indeed conscious and intelligent, that tells me two things. First, this child was left for reasons other than material problems. Second, you were not made in Equestria, since the creation of artificial conscious beings is strictly forbidden in my country."
"You are almost correct Princess Celestia. I was made on Planet Earth, where this species comes from. But I am not magical; we believe magic is nothing but a superstition. I was made using yoctotechnology, which currently would be hard to explain to you. This child was made for a classified purpose, however I am allowed to tell you that he never had parents. Beings like him are decanted and educated by artificial beings like me.''
"I'm not the one to question your philosophy or culture," - Princess Celestia said, "But he looks like a mammal. I have this hunch that your society at least used to have babies the natural way. Oh, it's time to go to bed. I understand if you do not want to be taken off, but will you allow me to at least place him in my bed?"
"Agreed."
Celestia placed A-94-M in the bed, took off her regalia and snuffed out all candles. Seconds later she was gently touching A-94-M's head with her hoof.
"So tell me Uniform, what are you made of? This dark gray fabric is so smooth. And what are those big black letters and numbers above his belly, this...A-94-M?''
''It would be hard to explain what I am made of. Yoctotechnology is the manipulation of very small things that we call quarks. As for the A-94-M, it's the name of this human. Homo Sapiens in one of our ancient languages. Unfortunately the exact meaning of his name is classified. I would like to learn more about your planet, but I need your permission to scan.
"I give you permission. We don't know much even about the other side of our planet. Just please don't search our minds for memories. Some of them are painful or embarassing"
"Don't worry, I don't have permission to scan memories. Not with Level 0 Security Clearance. Now, let me scan your planet."
Princess Celestia smiled.
"And here we go, first of all, 7 continents, you live on the largest one, northern hemisphere. Total land, 140 million square kilometers. Largest country, Equestria, 10.45 million square kilometers. Population, 3,322,704 beings called Ponies. Total world population of intelligent beings is 10,268,325. Diameter of your planet is 12,715 kilometers. 99.97% of Earth's gravity. Athmosphere identical to one on Earth, though less carbon monoxide and slightly more argon. Artificial sun and moon, each 100 kilmeters in diameter, powered by an unknown energy you call magic. Distance to Earth is unknown, as Earth cannot be located. This is probably a different Galaxy. But, Princess - I have serious reasons to think that you world is artificial. Many things are almost identical to our society. Altrough this could be a coincidence, it is very suspicious.
"Um, is there anything nearby that could threaten my subjects?"- Princess Celestia asked.
"Unknown energy in your moon. Could endanger your planet in 12 years. 120,412 beings called Changelings. Scan of their home shows preparations for an attack in 13 years. And Princess, here is my offer."
"Hm?"
"Princess Celestia, I, Standard Uniform of A-94-M, am perfectly capable of raising this child in emergency situation. It is my purpose to be his friend, to guide him and to make him happy. However, almost all humans, while being created with Ectogenesis, have two biological parents. This is not the case with him. He was grown for a classified purpose and was meant to be raised by artificial beings. But because those beings are not available now, and I can be a good friend but not a Mother or Father, I want to ask you if you want to adopt this child? Humans need parents. In exchange, I will show you the true extent of my capabilities. I will also share some technology that is primitive to us, but amazing to you."
Princess Celestia looked at the stars.
"Well...thing is, I never adopted a child myself in my entire life. Most of the time I provided material help to desperate parents. Sometimes, I find new parents and help them. You see, I am a Princess. A child adopted by me would be very happy. But what about those who were not adopted by me...what would they think, that they are not good enough? On the other hoof, if I adopted every being, this family would grow to an immense size and I would not be able to give all of them equal time. My subjects are like my children and I don't need my own. I would give my life for them. However, I might be able to find some bipedal couple here in Canterlot. In fact, if I remember correctly, there are two infertile Minotaurs not that far away for the castle."
"I just scanned their behavior and effect on the others over the past week. Very good personality. Now, we would need to talk to them for at least a few hours. Strong Determination is male, and Eternal Spirit is female. Both are 27 years old. Lifespan of their species is 160 years; of your species, 12,000 years, of an average pony, 300. Any human with a Standard Uniform won't age past 25. A-94-M is pretty much immortal. I estimate that in about 100 years, provided you follow my steps, we will find ways to extend lifespans of all intelligent species living on this planet."
"Well then - we will contact them tomorrow, that is, on July 23rd, 994. Tuesday." - Celestia replied.
"My calendar is quite different; December 31st, 2114, 13:29 UET. Tommorow we will have a different year."
Princess Celestia kissed A-94-M and hugged the Uniform.
"Good night, Uniform."
"Good night, Princess Celestia. I will now calm the child.
January 7th, 2115. Home of Strong Determination and Eternal Spirit
A very big and strong Minotaur was holding A-94-M in his hands. Princess Celestia gave both Minotaurs a week for decision. It was very likely that they would choose to adopt the human. The week was over now and it was decision time. Celestia and Minotaurs were having a final discussion.
"Ancestors. How should we please them, if we choose to adopt this being?" - Strong asked.
"I will not eat for 20 days. This will surely please them." - Eternal replied.
"So will I. That is, of course, if we choose to adopt him. Our tradition says we should only try to have a child when there is a sign. Similar rules apply to adoption. If there was a powerful sign, like an earthquake, we would not have any doubts."
"Of course, beggars can't be choosers" - Eternal said, "And today, I am going to say yes. What do you think, Strong?"
"After more than six years of trying...a gift from them. This has to be a sign. We will have to raise a child not only of different parents, but of different species and planet. The reward for our love will be huge. My father used to say that all spirits look the same. That skin and muscles will turn to dust, but spirit will return to Ancestors. That-"
"PRINCESS! PRINCESS! YOUR MAJESTY! HEEEELP!" - A royal guard screamed, entering the home of Minotaurs.
"What happened? Are we under attack?" - Celestia asked.
"YES, yes...we...we are..are...Ursa...Ursamajorisapproachingcanterlotwecantstopitwewillalldiebabblebabble!!!" - The poor guard said, and passed out.
"CALM down, guard! I will deal with it myself." - Celestia said, using a refreshing spell on the poor guard.
"Wait, Princess Celestia. I can easily stop this monster. I need your permission though."
"Granted! Show me what can you do!'' - Celestia shouted, stepping outside the home. The gigantic monster was indeed approaching Canterlot. Celestia saw an Ursa Major few times, but this one was at least three times as tall as an usual adult one. Celestia was not so sure if she could deafeat it easily, and before the Ursa would damage Canterlot.
"Permament solution or temporary? Behavioral scan shows temporary solution will result in creature returning in 2.3 years. Permanent will kill the beast."
"PERMANENT!"- Celestia shouted, without thinking about it for at least a moment. She would regret it later.
"Deploying a force field around monster. Force Field deployed. Shrinking the force field."
Everypony in Canterlot could witness a horrible death. Ursa Major was slowly being compressed into a small, pony-sized sphere of skin and transparent blood. The most powerful monster in Equestria, killed in less than 10 seconds. Defeated by a small Uniform with supernatural powers beyond that of Celestia.
"Threat eliminated, though everyone in Canterlot is horrified. Don't worry Princess - I estimate that their shock will not last long and that permanent solution was the right thing. - Uniform said very calmly.
"This...this...I...you are the most powerful being I've ever seen. I can't believe someone as powerful as you doesn't want to rule this world. Can you speak with a loud voice? Please, announce to the whole Canterlot that you are not a threat." - Celestia said, horrified and amazed.
Remember that there is nothing of value on this world, for me at least. If I wanted your death, I could've erected a force field around the planet and crush it a long time ago. I want your trust. Even though I am capable of killing all of you in one second, I want your trust. Let me and this child become your defenders. The one who is wearing me is a Human from Planet Earth. My name is Standard Uniform. In return for our help, we just ask you for friendship. - Uniform announced.
Every citien of Canterlot was stunned.
Strong Determination knew that this was indeed a powerful sign. They are going to raise a defender of Equestria. A beautiful sign and gift from Ancestors. This attack was caused by them so that our child could prove his divinity.
"Allright, darling. We are adopting this holy being. Ancestors blessed us. We will raise Hewmon from Erf as our son." - Strong said, looking at Eternal Spirit.
"I agree. This has to be a sign. And this Standard Uniform was probably made by Ancestors. We want to adopt him."
"Your Majesty, do you have adoption papers?" - Strong asked.
"Of course" - Celestia replied. "Though the Uniform wants to talk with you for a few hours before we all sign."
"That is correct. Let's talk about basics, like food, anatomy, education....and my functions. I will not be abused, I will only use my battle functions when I decide that there is a real danger. However, use my non-lethal functions every time you want. I give you permission. Princess Celestia, the rest will be mainly a personal speech and raising instructions. I do not want to tell you what to do, but behavioral scan shows that ponies in Canterlot need your speech to calm them. Can we sign the papers now?"
"One more thing and I will go," - Celestia said, "Have you chosen an aunt for your child?"
''Yes. She is looking at us." - Eternal Spirit said.
Celestia blushed.
"Well then, I will be the aunt of a second being this year. You know, I myself wanted to become the aunt of a very brave filly. Her name is Twilight Sparkle and she was born three days ago. She barely survived the birth; and so she deserves a good aunt. Perhaps A-94-M and Twilight will be good friends? Oh, I see that you signed the papers. I hope that you will be good parents. Have a nice day!"
After a very long discussion with Uniform, A-94-M had parents and a good home.
Nearly 20 Years Later. December 19th, 2134. Ponyville, Twilight's Library
''Wake up, A-94-M. It's 08:21 Equestrian Time. Twilight Sparkle is curently 1.7 kilometers away, I predict that she will come back in an hour. Your parents are fine. Awaiting orders.
"Remove waste from my body. Hydrate my mouth. How many available hours of FIVR I have for today?" - I asked my Uniform.
"As always, 5 hours of Full-Immersion Virtual Reality each day. Remember that this limit exists to prevent addiction to hedonism. You are hungry; do you want to eat real food or do you want me to feed you?"
"Feed me" - I replied. "There's probably nothing left in the fridge."
''Correct. Twilight just bought some meat for you. Estimated time to her arrival, 58 minutes.''
"Just enough for a simulation. You have any cool ideas?"
"How about a simulation where you are a mermaid? Very relaxing. Coral reef, no other intelligent beings, just you and fish." - Uniform asked.
"Let me think for a second" - I replied and started thinking about my life.
FIVR is essentialy a matrix, indistinguishable from real life. Unfortunately it cannot be replicated by ponies, all they have are primitive and unreliable lucid dream potions. Without a doubt that was my favorite feature of Uniform, just like life extension. Of course, such miraculous power had to come with a price. I was far from being a superstar or a hero. There was an ancient movie, Hancock, and that guy was almost like me. Almost. You see, ponies are quite suspicious. That time my Uniform saved Canterlot from Ursa Major? Staged. Changeling invasion 7 years ago that I instantly repelled? Hey, his cursed Uniform is creating these plagues! Celestia told me to not do anything only once, when Nighmare Moon escaped from her prison. At least Twilight could do something cool.
And then I have problems with my personality and body. Uniform says that while I don't have Asperger's, I do have something similar, altrough details are classified. This "similar" means I don't have any charisma or friend making skills. Now of course, Twilight is my friend, but we have nearly identical personality and the same aunt, or as humans call them, Godmother.
I know very little about my origin, but it was probably an accident. Somehow I ended up on this Planet, Earth cannot be located, and I guess every human has a Standard Uniform. I am not miserable - I have loving parents, Twilight, my Uniform of course, but I'm not very happy either. My Uniform can defend me against any physical attacks by raising a shield, but it cannot just harm anyone I want. This is exactly why those who don't like me aren't afraid of me.
"Ok Uniform, access the simulation. Return to reality after 50 minutes."
My bed disappeared and I was now in a middle of a coral reef. I became a female blue-haired mermaid with green tail and huge, F-sized breasts. I like my real body, but being a girl(or anything with different anatomy) is really fun. The simulation was purposefully not realistic; Since breathing is a habit hard to break, I could do it even in water without any resistance. I could see perfectly despite having human eyes. There are, however, some very realistic simulations that I made a long time ago when I scanned various things in real world, such as being a Unicorn or a Minotaur, all of them scanned on a quantum level. Twilight, despite being interested in my world and technology, never liked seeing me in a comatose state.
"Uniform, any important events soon?" - I asked.
"You will be 20 on December 24th, and we also have a Christmas Eve on that day. Not celebrated in Equestria. New Year's Eve in 12 days, also not celebrated here. Additionally, when you were asleep, Twilight told me that we are going to visit Princess Celestia today."
I swam in silence for few minutes.
"Can you remind me again why you believe that this world is artificial, Uniform?" - I said, entering an underwater cave.
"First of all, many aspects of their culture and language are almost identical to ours. Many things look like they were desiged for bipedals in areas where there are no bipedals, such as doorhandles in Ponyville, which suggest that this world could be designed by humans. Second, this world looks like it was designed for human life. Finally, identical DNA of some lifeforms, mostly plants. Probablity that this is a coincidence is extremely low. - Uniform answered.
"What about your own hypotheses?"
"Three most probable explanations are: That even your reality is a simulation and a part of your training, that this world was created by humans and then abandoned/lost, and that aliens tried to imitate our culture and created this planet. All three have strengths and weaknesses, but I would probably choose second one. Of course, multiverse is infinite, and there could be one world where magic follows laws of physics. But even then - the events in your life look like they were scripted."
"Well don't even say that!" - I said, annoyed. "Everyone says my coming was scripted, that my life is a staged hoax, and such. Just because I don't support the Aldrin punch doesn't mean I enjoy being told that everything I do is a part of a conspiracy."
"Certainly not everyone, A-94-M. In whole Ponyville, only 40.78% of population. Unfortunately, your life does look like it was scripted, at least that's what I think. Even your parents think that the arrival and defeat of Ursa Major was-"
"A sign from Ancestors, I know." - I interrupted.
"I am also aware that you want to know why a lot of my information is classified."
"Whoever made you did a very bad job at hiding secrets." - I replied. "I mean, why do you HAVE to tell me that classified information even exists? Why are you capable of telling me that a particular piece of information is classified? Of course I would have doubts about the world! And oh yes - why did they allow you to tell me that this world is probably artificial? A lot of things doesn't make sense."
"They do. They do make sense. I sorry for not being honest. But you know very well that I'm incapable of even giving you a subtle hint. Yet I believe you did a good job on your personal investigation."
"Nah." - I replied, "Just bits and pieces of meaningless information. First of all, the whole data range. It goes from beginning of universe to 2114, which is the year when we were lost and my lifecord started. First classified information appears on timeline in 1983, then the amount is quite consistent, until an explosion of classified info in 2010 which then also stays consistent until 2046. Everything after December 31st, 2046 is classified though. Now I believe that the first two are the birth dates of people who created the Alcubierre Drive in 2047, which allowed us to travel to stars. The classified data contains info on life of these scientists, and probably about the true origin of this planet. It's obvious that we made it. Many years later, there was an accident and the Ectobottle with my embryo was lost on a planet full of aliens. Information was classified to save our species in case you wouldn't be able to protect me from hostile aliens. It certainly wasn't a war with an AI or something like that; we had singularity in 2031 and AI never caused any trouble until at least 2047. Of course, if we abandoned the planet that we created it only raises even more questions."
"Clever thinking, but I can't confirm or deny anything you said."
I surfaced and swam to a nearby island. I decided to stay on a beach until simulation time is up.
"Add item: Pina Colada. Uniform, I think I asked you before, but is there any way to bring Twilight to my simulations?"
"Impossible. FIVR requires direct connection with nervous system. This is beyond my power.
"How about hacking into her dreams?"
"Forbidden with your Security Clearance."
"I see." - I replied.
''Simulation time is up.'' - Uniform said, returning me to the real world. Twilight arrived a few minutes later.
"Hello 94! I brought you meat and some snacks for us. Don't tell me you were in coma again!"
Twilight hugged me. She is a great friend, and that's why 8 years ago we started living together. You see, my parents, desperate to teach me self-reliance, asked my if I would like to become Twilight's helper. I could help her in library, since with my Uniform's scanning skills all work could be done really quickly. Besides, my Uniform contained way more information that all libraries on this planet had.
Things could've been quite different. When Twilight was a filly, she had a special test where she had to open an egg. She managed to open it, but there was only yolk inside, while Princess Celestia thought that a baby dragon would hatch. That dragon could've been her helper.
"Twilight, Uniform told me that we will visit our beloved aunt today."
"Yeah!" - Twilight said. Though of course it won't be a long visit since we will meet again on your birthday in five days. And only few days later, my birthday! We will both finally reach adulthood." - Twilight said, excited.
"So, what do you want to do right now?" - I asked.
"Aah, well, we will be going in about 3 hours. I though that maybe we could watch something?"
"Movies, cartoons, anime?"
"You know 94, maybe our favorite childhood cartoons? Dexter's Laboratory, Ben 10, Beavis and Butthead, Why Why Family...oh, I remember the one I saw when I was a filly. About that dog who looked like me. Can we watch at least one episode?"
"Littlest Pet Shop. You watched it in 2118, when A-94-M was asleep" - Uniform said.
"Uniform, display an 80-Inch hologram over my bed. Play the first episode." - I replied, hugging Twilight.
Twilight opened a bag of snacks and we started watching. This is how an average day of my life looks like - unless there is a threat to Equestria or we go to Canterlot, it's neither heroic nor miserable.
