Extraordinary League of Equestrian Gentlemen and Assorted Nettling Travesties

Chapters

Extraordinary Normality
Badlands
Of Physicians and Draconeqii
One-hundred-and-eighty pounds of odd
Nope
Fitting in ain't easy
First steps
The Odyssey begins

Extraordinary Normality

Act I
Chapter I

Extraordinary Normality

Chaos seemed to be the only way to describe the motions that the two
helium atoms undertook as they flew around this space that seemed so empty and yet was so awash with others of their kind as well as a few relatives such as iron and oxygen.

The fact that the result of their collision and subsequent fusion would only be seen by the outside world in around 170.000 Years did not seem to upset their little dance at all as they finally smashed into each other and gravity finished the process of their bonding.

They seemed perfectly happy as the gamma rays that resulted from the process of their bonding were absorbed by the plasma of the sun and were reemitted again in random directions on their way to the outside to fulfill their evil master plan.

170.000 years Later...

Photons travelling at the speed of Light smashed into Earth's atmosphere
only to be scattered around on their way down but it did not matter at all
if a few of their brethren missed their mark as the process started so long ago was about to reach its culmination as they hit the exosphere, thermosphere, mesosphere, stratosphere and finally the troposphere.

It did not stop there however as they continued down towards a nondescript continent with a relatively mild climate and finally into some country or another and finally, oh yes finally, they slammed into glass, past some half closed blinds and then against some poor creature's eyelids
which started grumbling and moaning something about it being too early to wake up.

Johnathan Anders slowly opened his eyelids only to immediately slam them shut again and mentally curse himself for forgetting to close his blinds last night. If atoms and photons were sentient beings they would congratulate themselves on a job well done.

John moaned and turned to press his face into his pillow, unhappy about the unwanted intrusion of sunlight into his room and more importantly, on his face.

After a few minutes he turned onto his side and decided to carefully open his eyes again to inform himself of the current time: 7 o'clock on the dot it read on his bulky alarm clock / radio.

Grumbling and once more cursing the burning sphere of helium and hydrogen for daring to intrude on his peaceful sleep, he twisted and turned and finally sat up to arch his back.

After a few satisfying cracks, his vertebraes popped back into the right place.

He sat there a few minutes contemplating his predicament but decided not to take vengeful action against the sun.

Yawning, he got up and walked into his bathroom to take a shower.

John climbed into the bathtub and opened the hot tap to full while turning the cold tap to a half open position.

Satisfied that this was the correct setting he placed himself under the stream of water only to go wide eyed with shock and immediately retreat again.

„Mother-F...“, he almost screamed after receiving an icy surprise courtesy of his house's plumbing.

Quickly, John realized his fatal mistake, he forgot to turn on his hot water heater before climbing into the tub again.

Mentally cursing himself once more he turned to the other side of the wall against which his tub sat and cranked up the dial on the heater to full.

Testing the water for a few more minutes, he finally seemed content and placed himself back under the torrent of water to wash himself.

Ten minutes later he finished his cleansing ritual and stepped out of the tub in order to walk towards his bathroom mirror above the sink.

Grabbing a towel from the rack next to the sink he started drying himself off and inspected his reflection in the mirror.

A creature, 6 foot 5 tall creature with a mighty 5 o'clock shadow stared back at him with dull brown eyes.

John was only 25 years young, but already had a handful of creases and bruises on his sleep deprived face.
The creases were a result of long work days and the bruises were courtesy of his younger years, years in which he was much more reckless and stupid, doing moronic things to pass the time and overcome frustrations.

He sighed, opened his bathroom mirror / closet and retrieved his shaving kit.

Starting his routine by applying shaving cream and cutting down his stubble to nothingness, he tried to think of what he would do today.

Wake up. Check.
Shower. Check.
Breakfast.
Bacon and eggs sounded like a good start.

After that he would have to go to work in order to arrive there at 7:30...

„Hmm“ he contemplated. Something about that time struck him as odd or important.

He decided he would remember why later and finished his routine.

Walking out of his bathroom he immediately remembered why that time seemed so important.
It was already 7:10.

„Shit Shit Shit SHIT!“ John yelled out loud.

'Oh my boss is going to have my ass for this', He thought.

Launching from the bathroom door towards his closet, he quickly opened it and retrieved, by miracle he presumed, a set of decent clothes, which consisted of a black polo shirt and some ordinary blue denim jeans.

Putting on his clothes, John collected all of his personal belongings, such as his wallet and car keys, and made his way to the door.

It was a cool september morning and the still frigid air stung John into his face, causing more blood to flow there and in the process reddening his face. Ignoring the slight pain in his numbing face he unlocked his car, got in, started the engine and reversed down his driveway.

'If I'm lucky I might get there in time', John thought to himself as he turned onto the small towns main road and drove on.

However, somewhere in this cold frigid place we call the universe, a guy called Murphy was about to have some fun with poor John.

The road before him was completely clogged up, John sighed and got out his phone to inform his employer in the hopes that he might spare him a punishment if he could explain the situation to him.

Getting the busy signal John sighed again and pressed redial, he looked at the huge traffic jam around him while waiting for his boss to pick up the phone, and finally noticed the very unamused looks of the two police officers in the patrol car waiting next to him.

If Murphy did indeed exist he was probably patting himself on the back now.

„Perfect, fracking perfect.“ he exhaled.

Murphy's law as true as it might be was not nearly as annoying
as the example of Parkinson's law that the two officers were currently presenting.

„License and registration please.“, the taller and older one of the two gruffly demanded.

John immediately handed over the documents while profusely apologizing to the both of them.

The younger one mumbled something to his partner who now looked at John with an unreadable expression on his face.

„Please step out of the car sir.“, he said.

„What? Why?“, John wanted to know but that only resulted
in Grumpy Face shooting daggers at him with his eyes and reiterating
his earlier demand.

'This day is going just perfect right now', he thought to himself
as he opened the door and exited his car.

Murphy and Parkinson must habe been the best of friends
because when John finally arrived at his place of work in the main workshop for the track construction machines of the German Railway Company, it was already 8:30.

He walked past a gravel planer towards the office of the workshop manager who just walked out of the office.

Seeing the expression on his boss's face John felt the hairs on his back
stand to attention and he stood stock still.

He didn't move an inch.

„Mr Anders, i've been expecting you.“, he said in the calmest voice
John has ever heard.

What scared John was, that his boss, a spitting image of Hugo Weaving,
was smiling.

He didnt look one bit angry, not that John ever saw him angry. No, his boss always had this uncaring completely deadpan expression on his face, but now he was actually smiling.

That made John feel a chill move down his spine and back up again.

„Would you follow me into my office please, Mr. Anders?“, his boss asked in an almost normal tone.

It wasn't a request.

After following his boss into the room he was motioned to take a seat and did so. He was considering what to tell his boss when he spoke up.

„Im sure you have some very logical and understandable explanation
for your late arrival this morning but let me save you from trying to make something up“.

His boss adjusted his suit and looked down on a piece of paper.

„Mr. Anders, normally I would have had to conjure up some formal way of saying that due to the economic situation we would regrettably have to let you go but since you are giving me the perfect opportunity here and now let me be quite frank with you.

I don't like you, I never have and to be perfectly honest the only reason I hired you five years ago was because we had to meet some ridiculous employment quota.

However seeing as you never quite managed to meet my expectations of yourself and my superiors, I am quite happy, after todays display of your tardiness to tell you my opinion.

You seem to lack the drive to accomplish anything meaningful around here, be it a lack of purpose or laziness, I cant say I care, but what I do care about is the efficiency of this workshop.

So with due regret and respect, I'm afraid I will have to terminate your employment with us, Mr. Anders. Now if you would please sign here to indicate that you have understood my little speech I would be most glad.“

John was quite shocked that his boss had not even given him the opportunity to speak up during the whole process,
and now he found himself even more unable to bring out any meaningful
series of words, so he took a pen from the table and signed the termination
of his employment contract.

On the way out he finally managed to mumble something to the likes
of „Jackass.“, before moving to pass through the doorway and close the door.

„I heard that“, was the last thing he caught before closing the door.

Murphy would be rolling on the floor roaring with laughter right about now.

John contemplated what would happen now but no clear result came from his thoughts. The only certainty was that this would start a long downward spiral from hereon out.

Five years Later

John was pushing his shopping cart down an alleyway thinking
about times long gone.

The shock after he was suddenly unemployed.

The search for jobs that would last a few weeks at most before he either left or got fired.

The bank reposessing his house and most of his belongings after he failed to pay his mortgage and his hydro bills.

Him looking to the social services for help.

Well, they did help for a while, but after a year or so their leniency came to an end, and since he wouldn't or couldn't take any of the jobs that they tried to force on him he was eventually dropped out of the reintegration program.

Too proud or more likely too damn stupid to go and look for help elsewhere he turned to the streets as a beggar.
A hobo is what he had become, a social outcast unfit for society.

Normal people would have looked to friends and family in his situation,
but he never had any of those, he never did.

So John did the only thing he could do and swaggered on, unsure if he
could even survive like this, but he did.

It was relatively easy to be honest, he would spend most of his morning
on the sidewalks begging for some spare change from the commuters that were on foot, which usually resulted in enough money for a small breakfast.
Later on he would scavenge the back streets and alleyways for valuables to fit into his makeshift quarters on the outskirts of town while at the same time looking for food, even scraps, that he could eat
for dinner.

He thought it quite odd how fast people were to shun someone
based on their social status. If you were rich or even moderately
wealthy people would come and flock around you hoping to maybe
catch some of your excess money.

If you were poor however, people were quick to turn their backs
on you and generally treat you like a stray dog, insulting you,
shooing you away and sometimes even physically hurting you.

What a wondrous thing society was, John mused.

John was picking up some cans, scanning their contents, when he
heard a rustling coming from behind him. He turned around and looked,
but nothing was there.

Probably some stray animal.

Satisfied that he was alone he continued scavenging and after a few more
hours of looking around alleys and back streets he carried on towards his
'home', somewhere just outside town near some dumpsters, that were left
there ages ago for some kind of construction work that never got finished.

Eventually arriving, John emptied his shopping cart and placed his newfound belongings inside a construction of cardboard and corrugated metal that he called his home, and started collecting some paper and other
wooden materials to start a small fire in order to warm himself.

He took off his old and ragged duster that he acquired some time before
his current predicament and laid it down on the ground as a sort of mat.

Watching the sun set on the horizon he started heating the cans and other bits and bobs that contained edible materials on the fire and dug in.

His stomach content, he propped his back up against one of the pieces of corrugated metal he used as a wall and tilted his head towards the night sky.

„Beautiful is it not?“ He asked himself aloud.
John counted the major constellations on the night sky such as Ursa Major, Ursa Minor, Pegasus and Andromeda.

After a while however he stopped counting and just stared at
the ocean of stars, the night being exceptionally clear and the light pollution at a minimum out here, John could actually see the differing shades of black in the night sky, nebulae and galaxies.
The moon, the stars, and what ever lay beyond.

Smiling, he thought to himself: 'How immense the universe is, and how immense our egos must be to reduce it all down to near nothingness.'

Eventually, after a while of pondering the triviality of our current society
he closed his eyes and went to sleep.

He didnt dream this night, nor did he on any other occasion, it seemed
that his brain didnt deem any of his actions or experiences as important enough to recount them at the end of the day.

As the sun rose and photons once again charged towards their victim
John actually welcomed the intrusion of light on his face and slowly opened his eyelids.

Johns smile quickly turned into the best Angela Merkel impression this side of Berlin as he once again for the umpteenth time remembered who, where, and what he was.

Rising from his lying position he went through his morning routine, picking up all his things, putting them in the shopping cart and heading into town to beg for money while at the same time providing people with the satisfaction of the knowledge that there was someone worse off than them.

A few hours later, finishing his breakfast, John was scavenging through the alleyways again when he heard a rustling sound coming from somewhere behind him.

'Odd' He thought.

'Didnt the same thing happen yesterday?', John pondered for a moment.

As he turned around to check if there was somebody there, he saw him.
A young male, around five foot eleven was staring back at him.
He was wearing unneccesarily baggy pants with chains around his waist and a white shirt with a rugged leather jacket draped over it.

John was stumped for a moment but carried on walking, almost forgetting about the encounter before, a few minutes later he saw the same person standing behind him again, staring.

However two more people had joined him, John now a bit scared noticed that they were all clean shaven.

'Skinheads' he thought. Maybe theyd leave him alone.

He continued walking and deliberately took a few unexpected turns to try and loose them and to his surprise it seemed to work.

As the sun was setting he was finally walking towards his sleeping spot
again, satisfied that they had lost interest in him.

However once again, somewhere in this vast expanse of space that we call the universe, a non corporeal being naming himself Murphy was rubbing his hands in anticipation of the upcoming bucketload of 'fun'.

John never did see the three younglings that stabbed him in the shoulder and proceeded to beat him to a pulp.

Hate crimes were always such a surprise.

Author's Note

First Story ever.

You can be gentle or not, that is up to you.
However I would appreciate it if you were to keep the criticism constructive or at least explain exactly why you don't like it. ##

Badlands

Chapter II

Badlands

Before his eyes, John saw incredible things, he saw the universe not as
any creature would, but as only an observer could. Events normally spanning
millions of years took place in mere seconds.

He was dreaming of course, Odd. He hadn't dreamt in nearly fifteen years now. Well, at least not that he can remember.

What he saw was astounding. First, a massive burst of energy, jolting the universe into life and spreading energy, and then matter into every direction.

Then came the forming of stars and galaxies, the stars eventually dying, turning into giants and then dwarfs. Some of them, no, a lot of them so big that instead of going out quietly they instead shrunk in on themselves before erupting in humongous explosions, sending their remains out into the universe.

This process repeated itself like a series of punches, and each time it happened, the universe got ever nearer towards total entropy, but not before the atoms that were blown outwards from their respective stars bonded together to form dust, then rocks, until finally John saw the birth of a beautiful blue planet.

It had just started to settle and turn solid when out from the reaches of this planet's solar system, another, smaller planet slammed into it and evaporated, leaving behind the original, now slightly larger planet and a large cloud of dust and debris.

The debris eventually clumped together to form a natural satellite to the now almost peaceful blue orb, both of them flying around in this nothingness in perfect harmony.

However, eventually even this would turn towards the ever progressing entropy, until there was nothing left but darkness.
Cold, harsh, darkness.

'What a nice circumscription for life and death', John thought in his dream.

John snapped his eyes open, the sunlight rushing in to blind his vision for a moment, until he regained focus.

He looked around, and was confused by his surroundings: 'Since when is there a desert in Germany?'

His brain finally kicking into gear, synapses firing, nerves responding,
John felt the tremendous pain emanating from all around his body.

He tried to move but found that caused an even more excruciating pain
and stopped his futile attempts at locomotion.

John craned his neck to study his surroundings: an arid wasteland full of nothing but rocks as far as the eye could see, it looked to be dry and his immediate surroundings seemed to be devoid of any fauna.

He tried to remember how he got here, but all he could conjure up was
the faint recollection of him being assaulted by three teenagers full of hate in their eyes.
Hate at what? John didn't know.

Maybe it was the societal norm turned to the extreme, or maybe they just really hated beggars.
But why drag him off to here? Wherever here was.

Couldn't they have just left him to die at the edge of town, or in a nearby forest?
It wasn't like the police would even care about someone like him.

John swivelled his arms around so they were at his side, and tried planting some of his weight on them to get up.

Big mistake.

Pain once again shot up towards his brain, now coming from his left shoulder.

He glanced towards said shoulder, only to find that his duster had been torn there, and the clothing underneath had been stained a dark red, and when he tried to move his arm, he felt a slight twinge.

'Those punks must have stabbed me', he thought to himself, slightly annoyed by the fact that he was stabbed, and beaten without any semblance of reason or logic behind the attack.

Stemming all his weight onto his relatively unhurt right shoulder, he propped himself up on his side and then onto his knees.

He unclothed himself from the hip upwards, and inspected the wound.

It was a small wound, not very deep or large, but his attackers seemed to have hit a muscle, as he wasnt able to move his arm or shoulder much without it hurting.

The wound was still bleeding a bit so he took his shirt in his mouth, and used his right arm to rip it into small pieces.

John used the pieces of his shirt to wrap around the wound, and tied them up using a strong knot.

After that was done, he inspected the rest of his body.
No cuts, only a few bruises, and dark blue spots around his abdomen and his sides.

That was good, he wasnt in immetdiate danger of passing out or dying. However that still didnt explain the strange place he found himself in now.

Deciding to get out of the heat, he scanned the horizon for any semblance of shelter.
Not finding much else but rocks, he started walking towards a rock formation that seemed large enough to shield him from the sun.

Not seeing any sort of civilization, or any sort of clue as to where he should be headed he, propped himself up against the rocks and watched the sky.

The sun was already setting so he figured out the cardinal points quite easily, and then contemplated which way he should move.

It was quite hot out, and John was starting to get thirsty, having no idea as to what to do, he decided to start heading north, even if only for the stupid hope of it being cooler there.

Light was starting to fade, as the sun had just set over the horizon, leaving the night sky a light blue that was slowly fading into blackness.

John looked up, and was surprised to find that he recognized all the major constellations in the sky.

What was even more confusing, was that the sky above him looked eerily similar to the sky one would see over the atlantic, or on the edges of the north american continent.

Deciding that he could use this to his advantage, he looked up to Cassiopeia, and then further up, he found the north star. He was off North by quite a bit, but not too much.

He looked around while walking, but there wasn't much to see. Dried out trees clinging on to dear life, or already past hope towards his north. Absoloutely nothing towards the east, and a giant mesa towards his immediate west.

'Well', he thought, 'Even dead trees are progress'.

South of him there was... nothing again.

John walked on for hours, feeling a tad depressed at the desolate landscape around him.

When he couldn't bring himself to take another step, dehydrated and tired as he was, he sat down, resting his back against the trunk of a dead tree.

„Just a few minutes“, he said to himself, but it sounded more like wheezing and rasping coming from his dried out mouth.

John swallowed, forcing whatever saliva was left into his maw, but only felt a sharp pain at the back of his throat. The few drops of fluid not nearly enough to lubricate his mouth, or even ease the soreness therein.

Minutes turned into an hour, and John, not seeing any immediate dangers around him, decided that he could risk falling asleep here, and that he could search for water tomorrow.

The human body could survive for up to five days without water after all, not that John was well versed in biology, or the arts of medicine, but he was simply too worn out to continue. So after settling his mind, he quickly fell asleep, still sitting with his back against the tree.

The next morning came, and John awoke with a dry and sticky mouth, and an extremely soar back.

He sighed, stretched a bit while sitting down, and sat there for a few minutes, trying to figure out if yesterday had actually happened. But a quick look around confirmed his fear, that he was, in fact, still stuck in this desert.

Finally getting up, John felt light headed, and propped himself up against the tree with his right arm for a bit until his head finally cleared, and he started marching onwards, still roughly remembering the direction of north.

To take his mind off the situation, and to stay level-headed, John started to count the distinctive features in the wasteland before him. A few boulders the size of cars there, a legion of dead trees over yonder, an enormous black shape... John shook his head, stopped, and looked again. Nothing there.

He stood there for a minute or two before moving on, counting what he saw off as a mirage, or a side effect of dehydration, hoping for the former, but fearing the latter.

He continued this routine well into the evening, until he couldn't make out any distinctive shapes in the dark anymore. Soon after, he found a comfortable looking boulder, simply collapsed next to it, and fell asleep.

The third day was uneventful, apart from the fact that John couldn't concentrate on anything, and he was completely out of breath after only a few steps at a normal pace.

The need for water was at the forefront of his thoughts, but John saw no way to get the badly needed fluid anywhere around him.

Feeling overwhelmed, John stopped his shambling, and tired and thirsty, he slumped to his knees.

He wished now that those punks had finished their job properly for this, this was a much worse way to go.
Stuck somewhere in the middle of nowhere, nowhere to go, nothing around him but sand, dirt, and rocks.

John felt the urge, no, the need to cry, to shout at the heavens for forsaking him like this, and he even tried to do so, but nothing ever came out of his now dried up tear ducts.

There was no point to anything now, he forced himself to fall onto his side, and ignored the pain that shot up from his still open wound on his left shoulder.

His head buzzed, and throbbed, but he didn't care anymore.

John tuned out the world around him, and it helped, the buzzing even stopped, although the throbbing was still relentless.

He thought back to his childhood.
Would his parents have some meaningful words for him at a time like this?

Probably not. His father had been a raging alcoholic, that left him when he was around two years old, and his mother had not been the same ever since that, distant, treating him more like an object, than a human being.

Perhaps his former boss at the railway workshop had been right. He never had the drive to do anything great, hell, he couldnt even die in a spectacular fashion that would be remembered by everybody.

No, his lot in that matter was to die alone, forgotten, god knows where.
'Funny that', he thought. 'I'm not even religious'.

And so it was that John, the non-religious hobo, lay there in some desert or other, looking up at the sky and waiting for his existence to finally come to an end.

As he lay there, the buzzing having returned together in an alliance with the incessant throbbing in his forehead, he mused with himself, even talking out loud, and answering his own questions that were often rhetorical in nature.

He did this for a while, but the act of thinking became ever harder, as the buzzing in his head just wouldnt cease, but instead became louder.

Finally, in his dehydrated and confused state he, snapped and shouted as loud as he could, „Can somebody please turn down that annoying buzzing sound?!“, before falling into a coughing fit.

When he finally stopped coughing, and took a few deep breaths to steady his breathing. He found, to his surprise, that it was quiet now.
He was confused to say the least.

Had it all just been some auditory delusion in his head? Or was it just part of his headache, and had he supressed it for a short while somehow?

John was deep in thought, staring up at the sky when a bright white flash blinded him.

He closed his eyes a few milliseconds too late, and needed to rub furiously at his eyelids, trying to make the pain go away.
When he opened them again, his vision was still a bit blurred, but it was slowly coming back into focus.

Trying to ascertain as to what caused the bright flash, he craned his neck a bit, but saw nothing.

He was about to pin the blame on his deluded and dehydrated mind again, when he heard a voice ask him. „There, is that better?“.

When he turned to face the voice, there was again nothing, and then suddenly, two enormous yellow orbs with red dots in their center, stared at him.
The orbs were attached to a truely gruesome face, akin to that of a horse, with two floppy ears at the top, next to an antler, and a disheveled looking blue horn.

Further down the beast's elongated face was its maw, smiling, a single tooth sticking out it's right side and a long beard flowing out from underneath its lower jaw.

John blinked once, twice, then muttered: „I'm finally going nuts.“.

He then proceeded to faint in the most ladylike manner.

Discord stood there for a moment, eyeing the unconscious creature before him, when his ears perked up a bit, and he heard a faint sound in the distance, just on the edge of audibility.

At first it sounded like nothing more than a distant rumble, intertwined with short specks of other sounds, but as the sound seemed to get closer, it became clearer.

There was definitely a rumble, but now he could make out shouting in the mix of sounds.
It wasn't just shouting, no. It was the shouting to end all shouting.

„DISCORD!“

Discord felt a shiver run down his spine, as he turned to see what was causing the commotion.

An enormous dust cloud rose before him, and he could see a large writhing mass of black just in front of the cloud, and just behind a small midnight blue speck, that was undoubtetly moving towards him.

He looked at his at his hands, the left one a large talon, not unlike that of an eagle, while the right one, was the paw of a lion, or another large cat.

Discord frowned a bit, as he asked them: „Now which one of you did that?“

His interrogation was interrupted, by the sound of explosions coming from the direction of the massive cloud of dust.

The writhing black mass has been joined now, by the addition of vibrant green flashes of light travelling at incredible speeds, towards the now slightly more distinct speck of blue.

Discord, the spirit of chaos, now relegated as part time protector and investigator of all things chaotic in equestria, sighed, it seemed that the fulfillment of the creature's wish had, quite accidentally, caused the scene that lay before him.

It wasn't like he did it on purpose. He only moved the scouting group of changelings a teeny tiny bit away, to accomodate the apparently sensitive hearing of the hairless ape.
It also wasn't his fault that his subconcious seemed to think the best place to move them to was to the nearby princess of the night.

Now that they were closer, he could make out the different shapes of the changelings behind Luna, who was now close enough that Discord could see the expression of seething rage on her face as she dodged bursts of pure, concentrated magic, while at the same time retaliating against the attacks with her own quick volleys of magic.

Discord was slightly amused by the sight before him, what with the princess absoloutely furious, and trying to outrun the clueless and yet dangerous group of changelings.
It was an absoloutely magnificent lightshow of shining green and dark blue, the only thing missing now was some music, and he might even have started dancing, he thought.

That however, was quickly discouraged by the look that Luna gave the amused draconequus.
If looks could kill. then Discord would quite certainly be dead by now, so after letting the group of combatants get a bit closer, he simply snapped his talons and hoped, best he could, that his subconcious didn't decide to deposit the group somewhere even less suitable.

Luna didn't realize what he had done, until she ran well past him. Quickly looking back to continue repelling the attackers, she finally noticed, that she was no longer being followed. Stopped, turned around, and galloped towards a now very nervous looking Discord.

„THOU INSUFFERABLE, INFANTILE, HOMICIDAL CREATURE!“, she bellowed as she came to a halt.

Discord quickly jumped into an apology before she regained her breath.

„Now now princess, Insufferable? Yes quite. Infantile? Absoloutely, but I am definitely not homicidal!“, he assured, indignantly, „It was only an accident, my dearest Luna, please, oh please forgive me.“

He quickly got to his knees and gave her his best, albeit magically enhanced, puppy dog eyes.

While awaiting her answer, he silently roamed her midnight blue form with his eyes, looking for any signs of a reaction. It was quite sleek, and her appearance, even while so enraged, was quite regal.

Her tail and mane, both ethereal masses of royal blue and violet, sprangled with distinct yet ostensibly insubstantial stars, flowed quietly in the non present wind.

Lunas coat was a flowing mix between navy and midnight blue, the same color adorning the feathers on her wings, which were twitching with held back rage. It might have been quite a beautiful sight to behold, had it not been for the scowl on her normally so gentle face.

She eyed him angrily as he presented himself apologetically, he was sitting on his knees, one that of a lizard. and the other that of a horse, or another hoofed creature.
His serpentine form almost curled up, and his dragon's tail wormed itself around him protectively, the simple white feathers on the end of it swaying slightly back and forth.

Almost a whole minute passed, and Discord could only hope she would believe him. Just as she turned her head slightly away, and he believed himself to be safe, a crystal adorned hoof shot up from the ground before him, and landed in his face with an audible smack.

„Thy apology is accepted, although thou should refrain from using such pathetic means of persuasion as thine eyes Discord, it only enrages us further when thou dost that.“, she stated as she acquired a more regal posture and looked away from him.

„Now pray tell, why hast thou abandoned thine post at our side?“, Luna asked as she turned her head back towards him, and eyed him suspiciously.

Discord rubbed at his quickly swelling eye, and responded. “Why thank you dear princess, I am very grateful for your acceptance and understanding“, he said sarcastically as he stood back up.

Luna shot him a sour look from the side, „Cease thy prattling Discord, and answer us.“, she demanded.

„Fine, fine.“, he said and rolled his eyes in a dramatic fashion.

„I simply felt as if something were a bit... out of place, and as i am ever so curious I simply had to investigate the matter.“, he declared.

Discord looked at her to see if she had caught on, and indeed, she seemed more curious now than angry.

He continued,“When I attempted to find the source of the disturbance, I stumbled upon this fellow here“, he said, and pointed his claw at the still unconcious John.

Luna gasped in surprise, when she saw the creature lying on the ground behind Discord.

A tall, hairless being clothed in rags. Her eyes widened, when she saw marks of combat on his face, and upper body, as well as signs of severe dehydration and exposure.

„Discord, this creature is injured and weak, we must bring him to the settlement at once!“, she ordered, and proceeded to lift John into the air, and onto her back with her magic.

Not waiting for an answer, she quickly disappeared in an azure flash of light, leaving Discord standing alone in the desert.

He sighed, still rubbing at his now irritated eye, and snapped his talons once more, before he also disappeared in a bright flash of light.
Well, he also briefly thought of how exciting this situation was for him.

An hour earlier

Luna was sitting on her haunches on the edge of an immense mesa, while looking through a spyglass. Discord was lying on the ground next to her making himself as small as possible, while playing around with the loose dirt and gravel beneath him. He was quite clearly bored out of his mind, and it wasn't long before he gave voice to his thoughts.

„Tell me, dear princess, what are we doing here again?“, he asked.

Luna frowned at that and gave him a sideways glance before answering.

„Discord, thou knoweth perfectly well the reason for our presence here.
Alas, in the event that thou hast forgotten, let us remind you that we are
here to observe the remnants of the Changelings, who had the audacity to disturb our niece's wedding, and attempted to take over the city of Canterlot, and judge wether or not they have the makings of a future threat to us“.

Discord stopped drawing obscene scenes into the dirt, and looked up at Luna.

„That is not what I mean Luna. I asked why I am here with you, of all ponies. To be honest, I had been expecting to be thrown into a dungeon, and the keys to be thrown away after what I did.“, he said, reminiscing for a moment on his betrayal of his friends. It was something he had not even forgiven himself for yet.

Luna mulled this over for a moment before responding.

„It is indeed true that many ponies, even we, would have thrown thou unto Tartarus without so much as a second glance...“, she paused for a moment and looked at the Draconequus, who turned his gaze to the dirt once more at those words, before continuing.

„But our sister, in her infinite wisdom, hath decided together with princess Twilight Sparkle, that thou would be better suited, to once more take thy role as a protector of Equestria.“, she said, and quickly added „Albeit under our expert supervision“.

Discord snorted with amusement at that last statement, before he quickly silenced himself when the princess gave him an unamused look.

There was only silence between them for a long time, Luna looking through the spyglass and observing the structures in the distance, which she assumed were the current dwellings of the Changelings' hive, and Discord continuing to draw his admittedly detailed rendition of Luna as a slave-driver whipping a very handsome looking Draconequus into pulling a wheelless Charriot.

Suddenly, his ears perked up, and he could sense something, no, he could almost smell the imbalance of magic near him.
In mere seconds, he had identified the rough direction towards the disturbance, and was gone in a flash, leaving Luna staring intently at the hive, none the wiser of his disappearance.

She continued staring for a few minutes before she spoke again, this time to thin air, as if their conversation had never stopped.

„Although, we do suppose that our dear sister attempted to dispatch two birds with a singular stone. We have been quite the recluse as of late“.

There was another flash of light, this time she noticed it.

When she turned back to see, her eyes widened in shock, and she only sat there for a moment, looking at the large group of black, chitinous creatures with immense blue orbs, and glistening fangs that looked back at her with surprise etched on their faces. That however, didnt last long, and soon she found herself being bombarded with expulsions of glowing green energy while running for her life.

The only thoughts going through hear head at this point were ones of self defense against multiple enemies, and how Discord was going to pay very dearly for his actions.

Back in the present

The residents of Dodge Junction were disturbed from the unchanging routine of their daily lives by a blur of brown, blue, and human, that arrived in their small town in a bright flash of light and immediately proceeded to invade said town's small clinic slash quill shop.
Some were surprised, some were confused, and some were startled, none more so than the owner and resident practitioner of the clinic slash quill shop, Saw Bones, M.D.

The blue-gray unicorn was enjoying dreams of cotton candy and apples, when his front door was almost blown off it's hinges by what could only be described as a veritable blue bulldozer, utilizing all the force of a freak wave of magic to make it's entrance.

The sound startled him enough, to cause him to fall out of his office chair, which in reality, was a bench with a side mounted support to hold up a resting pony.
Flustered by the disturbance, he made to get up while not quite shouting.

„By Luna's lascivious moon! Don't you ponies know you're supposed to knock before entering?!“

He froze however, when he saw who had entered the clinic's office.

Luna stood there, seemingly about to say something, but she halted after the doctor's outburst and just continued to stand, one of her hooves half raised, mouth agape, with a single eyebrow raised.

Of Physicians and Draconeqii

Chapter III

Of Physicians and Draconeqii

Saw Bones could now understand what it felt like to be truly mortified.

Not more than half a minute earlier he had let slip a comment on the lustfulness of the lunar princess' derrière, inadvertently managing to do so in front of the actual princess of the night.

He still stood there completely frozen, a bead of sweat trailing down the fur on his face, and his jaw moving on its own, trying to vocalize an explanation or an apology, without any success.

Luna saw this and, despite her own surprise at the doctor's outburst, decided to help the situation by speaking first.

„Some time ago, such a liberal statement would have been highly frowned upon by ourself and mine sister, and might have even earned thineself a reprimand...“, She began but saw that it wasn't actually making the pony before her any more comfortable, so she quickly moved on.

„However, as there are more pressing concerns to be dealt with at this moment, we are willing to overlook this 'incident' and simply revert this conversation to it's start with a simple greeting.“

Luna closed her eyes for a second and spoke in a less formal and, according to her sister, more friendly voice.

„Greetings, physician. We have come to seek thine help in a matter of grave importance.“

The doctor, more confused than frightened, managed to force out a greeting of his own while bowing low.

„G-Greetings princess. O-of course. H-h-how may I be of assistance to you?“

The princess responded by lighting up her spiraled horn in a blue-ish aura and proceeded to lift the limp body of the human off her back, and dangled it in front of Saw Bones.

Obviously, Saw had not seen John lying across Luna's back yet, as he visibly flinched when he noticed the creature floating in front of his face.
He did however, have the common sense to not cry out „By Celestia's beard!“, in front of Celestia's sister.

Instead he asked, with no shortage of curiosity at the sight before him: „P-princess, what sort of creature is this? I don't think i've ever seen anything like it before.“

Before Luna could inform the doctor of her own lack of knowledge on this creature, Discord decided this would be the best moment to reveal his hiding position, as being around Saw Bones neck, cleverly disguised as a stethoscope, now morphing back into the form of a draconequus.

This time Saw forgot to remind himself of present company and loudly shouted „By Celestia's beard!“, in horrified surprise.

Luna facehoofed, quite audibly in fact, and Discord started laughing uncontrollably, while the doctor, much too late, stuffed both his hooves into his mouth, forgetting to account for the center of balance of his body, causing said body to fall over onto its face.

This made Luna rub her temple, and made Discord laugh even harder.
The Princess shot Discord an annoyed glare, finally getting him to stop laughing at the doctor.

When Saw Bones was standing once more, Discord spoke up.

„I'm truly sorry for that, Mister Doctor Sir. However to come back to the matter at hoof, While I myself do not exactly know what he is, and yes it's a he, no female has a voice that gruff and low.“

Luna looked at Discord, confused, and a little bit annoyed.

He decided to clarify.

„Oh yes dear princess, he did in fact talk, right before he collapsed!“

Now the doctor spoke up.

„Collapsed? Why?“

Discord waved a talon at him in dismissal and continued

„Please Mister Doctor Sir, let me finish and all will be explained... I think.“

„Now where was I? Ah yes, collapsed! Anywho, as I said, he spoke before he collapsed out in the Badlands. It seemed extremely important to him to inform me of his impending transformation into a nut. He did not expand on what type of nut he was turning into, but maybe that is just my rusty Germane.“

Another confused look came from Luna, and Discord slapped himself lightly across the face with his paw.

„Ah yes I forgot. He didn't speak Equestrian, he spoke Germane! He also seemed to require some quiet for this procedure, as he asked for, and I quote: 'this annoying buzzing' to be turned off.“

Luna once more eyed Discord, then turned to the doctor and said:

„Physician. We believe that the creature is severely dehydrated, judging from the lack of elasticity in its skin.“

She pinched Johns face, and watched his skin slowly fall back into place to prove her point.

„And if what Discord hath said is indeed true, then that only further adds to this conclusion. It might also have suffered from exposure out in the Badlands, but we have no means of judging how long it might have been out there.“

Hearing this, Saw Bones pushed ahead, grabbed his glasses in his magical grip, secured them on his muzzle, and looked at the still floating creature.

„Hm. Yes, I can see what you mean, he does look worse for wear. He should recieve a saline infusion immediately before we do anything else.“

He looked around the room for one of the examination beds and an IV stand. Finding the former he looked back over to Luna and asked.

„Princess, would you be as kind as to lay him down on his back on that bed over there? Yes exactly, that one there. Thank you.“

After his new patient was lying securely on the bed, he exited the room and came back a minute later, with an IV stand and a few bags of saline solution, which he proceeded to hang onto the stand, and wheeled said stand over to the bed.

„Now im not entirely sure...“, he began describing his actions out loud, more for his own comfort than that of the princess, or Discord.

„But it should be easy enough to find a vein, if I treat these appendages as some sort of forehooves. I read that from a medical journal on the treatment of minotaurs and other bipedal patients.“

He quickly followed that statement by procuring a catheter after sterilizing his preferred area of invasion, and entering it into the patient's skin, and finally into his vein.

He finished up by securing the catheter to the patient's arm and attaching the drip bag to the catheter.

„Alright, that's all she wrote.“

Luna tilted hear head sideways and asked

„Who hath finished writing what, exactly?“

Saw Bones chuckled a bit at that

„That's just an expression princess. It means im finished with the procedure. Im just going to examine the patient a bit closer now, if you dont mind.“, he said and went to work on John, removing his clothing with magic and looking him over, watching out for anything that seemed out of the ordinary. Like those bruises on his skin and that pretty deep wound on his shoulder.

„Oh dear“, Saw said after seeing the nasty gash on John's left shoulder.

„What is it, phyisician? Hast thou found something of importance?“, Luna asked.

„Well, yes actually. It seems the patient was attacked, very recently at that. Whats worse is, the wound seems to be infected.“

The doctor then showed Luna what he meant, by showing her the reddened skin around the wound, and some faintly yellow pus leaking out of it.

Her face fell into a deep frown, and after a second or so, she turned around to Discord.

„What? I didn't do it. I swear!“ He exclaimed.

Luna looked at him for a few seconds, seemingly deep in thought. Not even noticing what he said.

When she was done thinking, she turned back to Saw Bones and asked him to take care of the creature as best he could, to which he responded by a simple nod while continuing to look John over.

After that, Luna walked over to Discord and spoke.

„Discord, we must take leave back to Canterlot and Inform my sister of this, We hope that we are not misplacing our trust in thee if we leavest thou here in our stead to watch over these proceedings.“

Discord, surprised replied after slight hesitation.

„Of course Princess! I am quite honored that you trust me enough to leave me unsupervised.“

Luna immediately shot him down.

„Discord, trust me when we say this. We only trust thee so far as we can throw thee. However, we see no reason not to let you help us by staying here so that thou might inform us should anything of concern or interest come to rise.“

„Oh... I see. Well. You can still count on moi, dear Princess.“

Luna quirked an eyebrow

„Verily. Very well then, we will be off . Fare thee well Discord.“, she said, and disappeared in an azure flash a moment later.

„It would seem that it is just you and me then, until your patient wakes, Doctor.“

Discord singsonged that last word in an eery manner, which caused Saw's eyes to widen.

Discord grinned.

„Would it be too much trouble to ask for a glass of... water?“

Author's Note

Not exactly a lot, but it's nice to get this out of the way so I can think a bit more clearly.

One-hundred-and-eighty pounds of odd

Chapter IV

One-hundred-and-eighty pounds of odd

John awoke, groggy.

His vision was blurred and his head was pounding, but, amazingly, he felt better than before.
Sure there was pain coming from all over his body and his head was still abuzz, but he found himself able to actually form coherent thoughts without too much effort.

The first of those thoughts was directed at the odd sense of comfort beneath his body, the second at the strangely pleasant climate he found himself in.
Not particularly cool, but still worlds away from the punishing heat of the desert.

Enlightenment came when his vision cleared. He was staring at wooden planks above him.
Further investigation was required before John would accept the dawning realization that was before him.

So, craning his neck, he studied his current residence.

Woody was an understatement, every single piece of furniture, aside from a few cushions, and the bed he was currently residing in obviously, was wooden in the relatively small, oblong, rectangular room.
The walls were wooden, the ceiling was wooden, and so was the carpetless floor beneath him.

John was pretty sure that, if wood could be sufficiently translucent, the windows would have been wooden as well.

Aside from the undeniably wooden theme of the room, it was sparsely decorated.

A small, simple desk near one of the doors of the room. A few cupboards scattered along the walls filled with dusty books and a few odd trinkets here, and a low table with four cushions on the ground there.

That last one was definitely an asian influence, John thought.

It seemed pretty standard, the only odd things being the bed John was lying on, the drip bag he was hooked up to, and the very odd choice of pets that his benefactor seemed to have.

Standing at the edge of the room, looking out of the only window in the room, was a small horse, looking more like a shetland pony than anything else.

The final two oddities struck John when the pony turned around. It had humongous eyes, positively captivating in their size and form, but could probably be explained away
by genetics or some other reasonable explanation.

The other however, was the short horn that was sticking out of the fur on it's forehead. It seemed that his benefactor either had in his posession, an honest to god unicorn.
Or, in a more likely scenario, fixed a dummy horn to the poor creature's head.

"Who would do that to a pony?", John wondered aloud.

This caused the pony in question to turn its gaze towards John, with what seemed to be a surprised expression on its face. If that was even possible for a pony.

It started to move close towards John, causing him to flinch in the bed, and nudge himself closer to the headrest.

"Whoa there, easy!", John said. eliciting no reaction at all from the eager pony.

John was starting to panic now, the pony getting faster, almost trotting towards him now. So he started calling out for help.

"Hello? I need some help here! Your... your pet is... I dont know what it's doing but it's scaring the crap out of me!", He called out, hoping that his benefactor, and owner of the pony was within earshot.

He was, apparently.

A somewhat familiar flash of light blinded both John and the pony, causing it to stop in its movements and look towards the source of the light.

"Doctor. what's going on? I heard shouting.", A voice, also familiar, asked the pony.

John, befuddled, and his eyes burning exclaimed a few colourful curses and tried blinking the pain away.
Except he kind of wished he was blind when he saw the new addition to the occupants of the room.

Standing next to the pony, and staring dumbly at John, was the creature from John's fever dreams out in the desert.

Oh great, so this is all probably just some hallucination. John thought

"Ooh how exciting! He's awake!", The other creature exclaimed, looking very giddy and clapping its claw and paw together.

John assessed his situation. He was stuck in a room with some crazy, english speaking snake-like creature and a manic pretend-unicorn. Nothing unmanagable then, he thought.

Even if it was all just some hallucination or dream, John was somehow liking the idea of conversing with someone, even if it was with himself.

"Yes, I suppose I am.", John said in lightly accented english. Learning the language was finally proving useful.

"Or maybe I'm not, who knows. What's important is, who are you, why have you dressed your pet horse up as a unicorn, and where am I?", He asked slowly.

Both the mismatched creature and the pony looked at each other, frowning.

The pretend-unicorn spoke, causing John's jaw to fall.

"Well Mr... uh"

"Anders..., John Anders", John offered, slack jawed.

"Well Mr. Anders. I am Doctor Saw Bones, you can just call me Saw, or Bones though. This bundle of fun's name is Discord. He is certainly not my owner, and I am definitely a
real unicorn." He picked up and floated over John's chart with magic to prove his point.

"And you are currently in the lovely town of Dodge Junction, more precisely in my clinic... and quill shop..", Saw finished in a cheery sort of voice. Totally oblivious to John's bewilderment.

John's brain was in the process of rebooting. Talking ponies proved a tad too much to handle at the moment so he went for the obvious.

"Uhm. Quill shop?", he asked.

"Why yes! The clinic alone doesn't bring in enough money to pay for the rent and leave enough for daily living, so with some help of a friend of mine in ponyville, I chose the business model of a dual purpose establishment and set up shop here.", Saw explained enthusiastically.

Now fully operational, John's brain came to the only logical conclusion.

"That's just great. A talking pony who owns a clinic / quill shop. Plus whatever you're supposed to be", He said, pointing vaguely towards Discord.

"I'm going nuts! Whack-o! All the while, I'm probably still lying out there in the desert somewhere, dying!", John cried out, not particularly liking the fact that his brain was apparently taking him straight to crazy town, population: John.

"Oh! So that's what you meant when you said you're going nuts!", The creature named Discord said, slapping himself on the forehead.

John twisted both his eyebrows into a frown.

"What?", He asked flatly.

"Well, when I found you out there in the badlands, you said the same thing, oh silly me! I thought you meant that literally!", Discord said, laughing.

When he finally stopped laughing, he continued.

"Well, I can assure you, you are definitely not going bonkers as you fear. And you can trust me on that. I am an expert on those sort of things. Let me prove it to you."

He moved closer, and before John realized what he was doing, Discord extruded his beard, pushing it all the way into John's nose, through his sinuses and eventually out of his mouth.

There was a brief period of complete nothingness for John. He was sure something had happened but he couldn't recall any of it after it was done.

John's heart was racing, he was terrified. Had that just really happened? Had he really just had this thing's beard slithering around god knows where?

Apparently so, because he could not rationalize what just happened any other way. And for the moment, he found himself in belief of his situation.

Discord was ecstatic. "Oh-ho-ho, I havent done that in such a long time! Do you see what I mean now, John?", he asked him.

"I-I... I do...", John replied, trying to calm himself. "But how? What did you do?"

"Oh, nothing really. I just linked yourself to me, giving you a new experience. Calming your rational side, and opening you up for the moment."

John was confused by this, so Discord decided to elaborate a bit.

"You should remember eventually, but for now just rest assured that it will help you accept your new surroundings.", He explained.

"New surroundings?", John asked.

"Well, yes. I saw a brief glimpse of where you are from, and I can safely say that you are not there anymore.", Discord stated and added. "This is so very exciting!"

John wanted to ask again but Discord raised a claw to stop him.

"I will just go from the top, and give you a brief 'history lesson', if you will. Trust me, it will make it easier."

"Fine", Was all John said after a few seconds of consideration. It did make sense to try and get a run down of things first.

Discord explained things to John for hours, only pausing when he would ask a question or the doctor interjected, not entirely satisfied with Discord's storytelling.

"So I'm in the magical land of equestria, which is filled with ponies, and ruled by a diarchy of pony princesses. And you are the spirit of chaos, Discord, in service of said diarchy. Is that about right?", John summed up.

"It sounds a bit boring when you put it that way, but yes. In essence that is the situation, if we forget about the rest of Equus that is.", The spirit of chaos answered.

"Equus?", John asked.

"That's the name of our world.", Discord replied.

And so they carried on, John asking questions about things he didnt quite understand yet, and Discord doing his best to answer them.
This went on until John asked the question that's been bugging him for the past few hours now.
"So... what now?"

"What do you mean?", Discord wanted to know.

"Well, not that im ungrateful or anything but, what am I supposed to do now? Where do I go. What do I do?", John voiced his worry.

Discord mulled this over. "Truthfully, I dont know. I suppose at the very least that princess Luna would want to ask you a few questions, after that though... I dont know. I guess it's up to you."

This didnt help John much, nonetheless he said. "Well, I suppose I shouldn't keep her waiting, you guys did save me after all."

The doctor however, thought otherwise. "You aren't going anywhere Mister Anders, at least not until tomorrow. I want to check on that infection of your's overnight."

Oh right, he did get stabbed, John remembered.

John didn't want to wait however so he rebuked. "I'm sure they have doctors wherever im going, right Discord?"

"Indeed, and they have better facilities in Canterlot as well.", Discord agreed.

Saw Bones wanted to say something, a reason for them to stay but he eventually resigned and grumbled a "Fine."

Not a second later, the bed was gone, and John was sitting in a patients gown on Discord's scooter.

"Ta Ta", Discord waved in good-bye, and he and John were gone in a flash.

Nope

Chapter V

Nope

The sun above canterlot was slowly drawing closer to the horizon, stretching out the shadows it's light cast and preparing the world below for the coming night.
All was quiet in the castle's courtyards, the guards were as stoic and unmoving as always, the birds were chirping their songs in the royal gardens, and the leaves were dancing their way towards the ground in the gentle autumn breeze.

All was indeed quiet, except for an exasperated draconequus and a flustered human arguing back and forth, bouncing back and forth between going towards or moving away from the castle's throne room.

Discord was pulling his face down with his talons in a show of annoyance. "You are overreacting John. They are not going to lock you up, nor are they going to dissect you.", He sighed.

John snorted and looked at Discord as if that was the single most stupid thing he had ever heard. "Oh right, you would say that wouldn't you. You're probably in on it too!", He cried out.
"Yes that's it isn't it! You... You did that thing to me so... so I would come here and... a... and those princessess could study me and then do whatever they want with me!", John yelled and his left eye twitched a little bit.

Discord snorted in indignation and answered. "I only did what I had to so you would calm down John. It's not my fault that you are so unreceptive to the truth."

John was incredulous and flung his hands up in the air. "THE TRUTH?! THE TRUTH?! There are pastel coloured talking horses here Discord! Talking Horses with pastel colours! How is this the truth! And what about Magic?! The sun and the moon?! Have you ever heard about the laws of physics?!"

The Draconequus rolled his eyes. "Physics shmysics. Besides, if you are so unbelieving of this whole situation why aren't you running away from me? Why are you even talking to me?"

That stumped John. His mouth jaw opened and closes uselessly before he finally managed to speak some jumbled words in response.
"Uh... Bec... Stop changing the subject Discord! Physics! The laws of physics! And Magic! It doesn't exist!"

"Oh really?" Discord asked rhetorically. "And what was it then that I did to you?"

Again, John was flabbergasted. "That's different! You used some KGB grade mind altering substances while I was asleep or something! That's the only reasonable explanation!"

Discord had enough of the conversation. "How about I just do it again so we can finally move on from your stubbornness and get on with it?"

John blanched. That was a prospect that he didn't particularly like much, on the off chance that what he remembered about the procedure was, in fact, correct.
"You wouldnt dare!", He exclaimed.

"Wouldn't I?" Discord inquired rather suggestively. The corners of his mouth twitching upwards ever so slightly.

At that, John took flight, screaming bloody murder all over the castle grounds while Discord chased him relentlessly.

It wasn't like Discord actually had to chase him, no, he could just snap his talons and John would be completely immobilized.
However, for some reason he didn't. Instead opting to push John closer towards the throne room in his frantic attempts at escape. Get a little closer here, fall behind a bit there, and in less than five minutes they had come close enough to the throne room that the motionless guards were looking at each other in confusion at the sight.
Five minutes later and they had a flock of pegasi guards hot on their tails in a scene worthy of the Benny Hills Theme.

This all stopped however, when a tidal wave of air passed over them in an exclamation of agitated confusion.

"Discord!"

The entire procession stopped, including John. Had a pin fallen to the floor now, everyone present would have heard it.

Discord looked at a guard to his left and fearfully asked. "She's behind me, isn't she?"

The guard didnt respond, instead electing to stand still, executing a perfect impression of a stone statue.

Discord gulped, taking a deep breath and bringing inner calmness about him before whirling around and greeting the newest member of the procession in his trademark pose.

"Celestia! How good to see you! How are you?", He voiced in a cheerful greeting. Too cheerful.

The white alicorn, normally effervescent in her gait and expression, stood a few feet in front of discord now, with none of her normal cheerful calm present on her face.
The only mark of normalcy on her was her ever flowing, almost rainbow coloured mane and tail.

"Discord", She repeated. "What is going on here? why are my guards chasing you?"

Discord was busy looking for an appropiate answer when Celestia's gaze fell on the unmoving form of John.

She gasped, almost inaudibly. "Is that who I think it is?" she asked Discord.

Discord was confused for a short moment, between him chasing John, and being caught by Celestia, he had almost forgot about the former.
"Oh? Oh! Yes that's him. He was a bit unruly and didn't think too fondly of the idea of meeting you. So I've been trying to make him see reason."

Celestia's gaze hardened and she looked upon Discord again. "Why is that? You haven't been telling him those silly stories of your's, have you?"

Discord blinked. "No. no no no no. Of course not Celly!", He exclaimed. "He just think's that you're going to lock him up and vivisect him or something like that."

It was Celestia's turn to blink. Her expression remained unchanged for a few seconds before a few giggles could be heard escaping her muzzle.
Not soon after that she was laughing full on. Tears stained her face when she finally got herself under control.

"Oh. Oh my.", Was all she managed to get out, hear breathing labored from laughing so much.
She moved towards John and laid a wing upon him. He cringed a bit at the touch but didnt move away from the sudden contact.

"What is your name my little pony?", She asked, her presence once again radiating everlasting calm and her muzzle locked in her trademark maternal smile.

John didnt look at her, directing his gaze towards the ground instead. "J-John. a-and I'm a human, not a pony."

Celestia brought her wingtips up to his chin and nudged his head to look at her. "It's a pleasure to meet you, John. And I'm sorry my little human. It's not often
I get to meet new species. I am Princess Celestia, but you may call me Celestia."

"H-h-hello Celestia.", John mumbled in response.

"Now John, rest assured that I am not going to lock you up, that fate is reserved only for criminals and you are no criminal, are you?", She chimed in a motherly tone.

"N-no", John answered.

"And I must commend you for your active imagination. It's been a long time since someone thought the Royal Family might torture them for some reason or another.
Such a fate shall never befall you as long as you are under my care John, unless of course you happen to be filled with cake on the inside.", She chuckled a bit at the end, mirth evident in her eyes, but quickly noticed John's face paling.

"I am joking John, rest at ease please my little human.", She said reassurringly.

Celestia continued shortly after John seemed to calm again. "Now John. My sister has told me of your 'arrival' and that she left you in good care before returning to canterlot. However, I would like to hear the story from your perspective over a cup of tea. Does that sound good to you?"

John was calmer now, but still more or less unable to form more than one word verbal responses.

"Okay."

"Wonderful", Celestia said, simply.

She closed her eyes, took a breath and instructed hear guards.

"Guards, thank you for your service, I must commend you on your quick response. The situation is resolved and you may return to your posts now.", She finished and looked to Discord.

"Discord, will you join John and myself for tea?"

It sounded like a question, and there was no evidence of anything else in her voice, but anyone who has served under Celestia, or had known her for longer than a year knew that this was not a request.

It was completely lost on Discord however, since the prospect of learning more about John and what brought him here was more than enticing enough to guarantee a positive response from him.

"Of course Celestia. Thank you for the invitation."

With that, the guards slowly went back to stand at their posts, The trio walked inside the castle halls towards Celestia's study, and the courtyard slowly came back to its former stillness. As if nothing had happened at all.

Author's Note

Short chapter, I know.

And I am truly sorry about it, but I am still moving at the moment, so I hope you can forgive me and maybe
be happy instead that I'm putting out some more words at all.

I can only promise you much longer chapters in the future and much better character development and descriptive writing.
I'm just not feeling the excitement at the moment but I swear I'll do better in the future.

Farewell and best regards

B 'n' T

Fitting in ain't easy

Chapter VI

Fitting in ain't easy

The room holding the alicorn, draconequus and human looked positively ancient, from the floorboards to the bare stone walls, everything exuded an air of authority and seemed to have borne witness to an incalculable amount of time judging from their well worn, yet immaculate appearance.

It scared John.

It was the kind of room where decisions of national, nay, international importance were made. It was a room where everything and anything that was said, was said for a reason and should not be taken lightly.
Something told John that the impression he got from the study was in no small part caused by the Pony this room was regularly used by.

That pony now regarded John as he was drinking in the details of the room. In fact John was so focused on looking at the room itself that when Celestia asked if he would like to sit down in the single chair adjacent to the room's fireplace, the most intelligent answer he was able to produce was a confused "Bwuh?".

"I asked if you would like to sit down over there John. Unless you would like to enjoy your tea standing up, of course.", Celestia said, clearly amused.

"Oh." John said. "Yes, of course, thank you.", he added and made for the chair before stopping and regarding it as if it was the strangest thing he had ever seen.

Celestia noticed this. "What is it, John?", she asked.

"Well, I'm sorry if it is rude of me to ask but, why do you even have a chair in here?" John looked at her, frowning, expectant of her answer.

She quirked an eyebrow, like a parent would when their child asked a particularly silly question. "You are not the only bipedal creature on this world John, and while sitting down with one's back upright like that is not particularly healthy to most bipedal creature's physiques, most of them prefer it that way.", she answered.

"Oh.", John repeated his earlier statement. Clearly he had not yet considered that possibility.

Satisfied with her answer, he lowered himself onto the chair but remained bolt upright. He wasn't quite sure if he did that because he was trying not to offend his host, or if he was reluctant to relax around his perceived captor.

Celestia's horn lit, and from one of the room's corners a large sitting cushion began levitating towards the fireplace, enveloped by a golden aura. She set it down next to the chair and sat on it with her haunches. Discord joined them a moment later, opting to curl up in a snake like fashion a few feet away from Celestia.

The seconds ticked by and none of them said a word. John was starting to get nervous and was about to speak when a soft knock sounded on the door. Celestia smiled and prompted the pony on the other side. "Enter please."

The door creaked open and a white coated, auburn haired pegasus mare trotted into the room, carrying a large silver tray holding a simple white tea set on her back, balancing it without anything to secure it to her.
As if the balancing act wasn't enough, when she reached the fireplace she extended one of her wings and shifted ever so slightly, causing the tea seat to slide down towards her wingtips.
At the same time she reached out with one of her back hooves and moved a small round table in between Celestia and John, placing the tea set down upon it.

Celestia tilted her head to face the pegasus. “Thank you Merry Weather, you may leave.”, she said, smiling her beatific smile.

Merry Weather nodded, retracted her extended wing to it’s resting place at her side, and left the room.

The alicorn's horn relit, and without any visible effort, she poured three cups of freshly steeped mint tea. Closing her eyes, she floated the cup to her mouth and took a dainty sip. Visibly satisfied with the taste of the tea, Celestia reset the cup onto the table.

"The tea is rather good today. You should try it, John.", she commented, eyeing the human.

At this, John leaned forward and slowly picked up his cup. He looked at it as if it would lunge at him at any second, but still took a cautionary sip. It was good. In fact he had never tasted anything quite as good as this tea, and he made sure to show his appreciation with a contented 'Mmmm'.

John relaxed slightly, the hot liquid having not only an exquisite taste, but also a wonderful calming effect. He assessed the situation, whether or not he was in a coma just dreaming this up, or whether Celestia had intentions good or bad for him, the only logical way to proceed was to move forward.

He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, then spoke. "You said you wanted to talk earlier. I suppose the time to do so has come."

The solar princess nodded thoughtfully. "You are right, we should begin. I suppose Discord has given you the short version of where you are and who we are, but I believe Introductions are still in order.", she paused for a moment, exhaling slowly through her nose.

"I am princess Celestia. Co-ruler of the land of Equestria, a conglomeration of towns, cities and states united under our diarchy. I am responsible for the wellbeing of all our subjects, no matter the race, creed or heritage. For the longest time now, me and my sister have also been responsible for the raising and setting of the sun and moon."
She finished, giving John a chance to introduce himself.

John blinked. "W-well, I suppose it's nice to meet you. I am John, a homeless former mechatronic responsible for repairing and maintaining big yellow railbound... Gravel planers." He chuckled dryly. "I'm sorry if I am a bit underwhelming as a person."

Now it was Celestia's turn to blink. She shook her head. "I believe you are underselling yourself John. Consider your calm at the present situation. I think we both know that you are not of this world, and yet you have maintained your composure and even your wit. I think that speaks of great personal strength."

"Actually, I have repeatedly tried to prevent myself from coming to this meeting after whatever he-", he pointed at Discord " Did to me wore off. I believe we met while I was in the process of running away." He finished lamely.

Discord rolled his eyes at that and Celestia surprised John by, well, chuckling.

"Despite what you may think, I don't think that he did anything to you at all." she said.

John frowned, confused.

"He stuck his beard into my nose. I think that counts as 'anything'.", he threw back at her.

This time Discord spoke up. "That's actually a trick Celly taught me, John.", he said looking at Celestia. "Would you care to explain dear?"

The alicorn's smile grew and there was mirth evident in her eyes. "Of course.", she cleared her throat. "You might come to find that he did no such thing, John. You think you experienced it because your mind was made to experience it by Discord's magic. He simply gave you an experience that your mind could not refute by rational means, thus making you more accepting of your circumstances.
It is an old practice amongst unicorns to help those afflicted by traumatic experiences to come to terms with whatever ails them, at least for a short while.", she explained.

“So Discord is a psychotherapist then?”, John asked rhetorically.

“No, not quite.”, Celestia replied. “But he is very adept at psychology. A talent he often used in the past to further his schemes.”

“Alas, John. It is of no consequence how he got you to calm down. I can assure you that he did nothing that would be harmful to you. The important thing is that we can get to the bottom of things. Namely, how you got here, and why. Then maybe we can also work out how to get you back to your own world.”, Celestia said, returning the conversation to the subject at hand.

“What? So that I can go back to living on the street?”, John asked. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “Actually, nevermind that.”, he sighed. “I am more than willing to help you, your highness, but I think you should know that I have no idea on how I got here. So I don’t think I will be of much help.”

Celestia smiled reassuringly. “You might think that, John, but don’t worry. Just tell me what you can remember. That is all I ask of you. You never know, maybe there is something in your memories that is of no consequence to you, but that same thing might help me to figure out how all of this happened. Would that be alright?”

John slumped back against the chair and regarded Celestia for a moment. “Yes, your highness. I suppose it would be. How far would you like me to go back then?”

“As far as you’re willing to take me, John”, Celestia said simply.

****

The wind howled through the cracks in the small apartment room, shaking the misaligned windows into a loud rattle and chilling the three inhabitants to their bones.

“You can’t do this to me! I swear to god I will get every last penny out of you if you do this!”, the female screamed.

All in all, It was a rather normal christmas eve. Apart from the snow that is, that was unusual for december in Germany.

“Get bent you crazy bitch!”, the male retorted, rather skillful, in his drunken stupor. “I’ve had it up to here with your hysterics and that stupid kid of yours!”, he rambled while picking his possessions from the room at random.

“He’s your son too, you drunk asshole!”, the female replied, tears streaking her face.

“Yeah, well. I never signed up for this shit.”, he finished picking up his stuff and made for the door.
“Don’t call me, you’ll hear from my lawyer.”, was the last thing he said before he opened the door, stepped through it, and slammed it shut.

The apartment was quiet now, even the wind had stopped shaking the windows. The only thing that could be heard now was the faint crying of the infant in his cot.

The woman was sitting on the ragged couch, alone now, arms wrapped around her legs, curling herself up into a ball. She was visibly shaking from the quiet sobs that racked her body.

The child went unnoticed for a long time after that.

****

“Perhaps not that far, John.”, Celestia said, quietly. Evidently she did not take well
to stories of parents abandoning their children.

“Of course, sorry.”, John replied.

He continued. “Well, after that my Mother became disinterested in me, treated me like an object.
I think she blamed me for what happened, although she never admitted it.”, he explained.

“I wasn’t very popular with other children either, and once I reached the age of sixteen, I moved into a youth home. That didn’t go too well.”, John finished.

****

“I’m sorry children, but because we don’t have the required number of participants, I’m afraid our field trip will have to be cancelled. I am sorry, we’ll have to reschedule.”, the housemaster explained to the children assembled in front of them.

There was a collective sigh of disappointment from the children as they each realized what the housemaster had said.

“Please don’t be too hard on those who didn’t want to go. We will be able to go on our field trip eventually.” He looked at each of the children, and once he was satisfied that they handled the news well, he moved on to a different topic.

“Now that that’s out of the way, Study time has been extended from four until six, and from six thirty until eight. Please don’t leave your rooms until all your homework has been completed.”

The children nodded assent, but their minds were already on a different topic.

“Is he in here?”, a voice asked another.

“Yeah, he’s reading as usual.”, the other voice answered.

John tried to ignore the background noise, opting to concentrate on his new book. Contrary to most children’s opinions, he found literature quite delightful, and so he immersed himself as best he could to get the most out of the experience. After all, It wasn’t often that he could afford himself a new book with his allowance.

There were footsteps quickly entering his room, and still he ignored them.

“Hey John.”, the first voice said.

John’s eyes widened, he knew that voice anywhere. Michael was notorious for tormenting anyone he didn’t like in the youth home.

John turned around, that was a huge mistake. As soon as he did, a shadowy figure quickly moved behind him and gagged him with a sock, restraining him to the chair in the process.

“Do you realize how long we’ve been waiting to go on that trip?”, Michael asked him.

“Mhmmpf”, was all John could say, the sock in his mouth now allowing him to communicate.

“And you just had to ruin it by choosing to stay here, what’s wrong with you? Fucking dork!”, Michael exclaimed and produced a bar of soap out of his pocket, which he proceeded to stuff into a sock. The others that had entered the room did so as well.

“Well, we’ll teach you to mess with our free time.”

There was no warning at all before Michael started pounding on him with his makeshift weapon, not long after, the others joined him in beating the living crap out of John.
When the deed was done, John was left bruised and bloodied, slumped in his chair.
He had lost consciousness when the pain became too great to bear, but Michael had left him with a warning before that.

“If you know what’s good for you, you won’t rat on us. And maybe you’ll think twice before screwing up like that again.”

****

“Still too far back?”, John asked.

Celestia’s mouth hung open and even Discord wore a mildly disgusted expression on his face.
She quickly regained her composure.

“No, that’s fine. I’m just a bit shocked. Why would anyone do that?”,she wondered.

John snorted. “Oh that is easy, They blamed me for their trip being cancelled and let their frustrations out on me.”

“But why would they do so?”, she asked again.

“Well, I’m no expert, but I think I was a target of convenience, and since Michael didn’t like me to begin with, It must’ve seemed logical for them to pick me. He was their ‘leader’ so to speak.”, John elaborated.

Celestia harrumphed, clearly displeased by Michael’s actions against John.

“I think I can see now why you were so reluctant to meet me, John, apart from the entire ‘Other world’ thing.”, she said.

John chuckled. “Well, that and the fact that I thought you were going to experiment on me.”

Celestia frowned. “You should know, John, that I would never do anything to you against your will. I promise you that.”

He smiled at that. “Thank you, your highness. That is good to know.”

“You’re welcome John, but tell me, what were the immediate events leading up to you being here?”, Celestia prompted.

John took a deep breath. “Well, I think I’ll continue my story shortly before I was fired from my job.”

And he did just that. He told her how he eventually lost his ambition in school, finished his training to become a mechatronic, got fired, and spent the last few years living on the streets.

When he got to the attempt on his life, his composure slipped and his voice became shaky.

He chuckled weakly. “You know, It’s funny. You hear about crimes like that all the time, and yet I was still surprised, sad even.”

John took another deep breath. “But, I only have myself to blame for that.”

“What?”, Celestia asked, perplexed. “How could you ever think that?”

“What do you mean, how could I think that? My actions led to that point. It was my fault that I became that way.”, he responded.

“John, look at me.”, the solar alicorn demanded.

He did so, moisture welling up in his eyes.

“Don’t mistake other’s cruelty for being your fault.”, she exclaimed.

“But it is.”, John started, his voice even shakier now, his lower lip beginning to tremble slightly.

“It’s all my fault. I-if I had only been different… Then… Then…”
He never got to finish the sentence, as Celestia quickly stood up, scooped him up with her powerful wings and embraced him in a vice like hug.

“Shh”, she cooed. “It’s okay, none of it is your fault John.”

There was no reply from John, only strangled sobbing, muted by Celestia’s fur.

She eyed Discord. He caught her gaze and nodded, stood up and left the room silently.

Celestia continued standing over John, keeping him in her hug, gently stroking his back with her wings.

Eventually he calmed down again and opened his eyes. John met Celestia’s caring eyes and mumbled an apology. “Sorry, your highness.”

She smiled down at him. “Dont be, John. We all need a good cry once in a while.”

John laughed even though his throat was still a bit sore.
“Then thank you, princess. I guess I really needed it.”

“No problem, John.”, she reassured him. “I think that I more or less know the rest of your story. How are you feeling? Are you tired?”, Celestia inquired.

“Yes, quite so actually. But it’s no problem, princess. I won’t fall over from exhaustion or anything, I’ve done that already so there’s no need for a repeat performance.”, John replied.

The solar diarch chuckled. “Yes, it would be unfortunate if that happened. But it’s alright, John. You’ve told your tale in great detail and that’s more than I could’ve wanted. If you would like, I could show you to my guest quarters and you can join my sister and me for dinner. Does that sound acceptable?”

John was stumped. “There is no end to your hospitality, is there?” He smiled. “Of course that is acceptable princess, I am very grateful for your kindness.”

Celestia’s face brightened. “In that case, please follow me and I will take you to your room.”

John and Celestia left the confines of the study and a short while later arrived at Princess Celestia’s personal guest rooms in the Solar Wing of the castle.

The room itself was a few doors down the hallway from the Sun Princess’ own room.

When she opened the doors to his room, John’s jaw almost met his feet on the floor, the interior was fit for the likes of an emperor, at least in John’s opinion. The walls were a bright white lined with golden accents and a small ribbon filled with murals lined the entirety of the room.

The furniture seemed incredibly old and regal, John mused that Celestia herself might have decorated it. There was even a chair next to an inviting looking fireplace and the bed sitting between two enormous windows looking over a gigantic balcony was itself, humongous.
It was lined with white silken bedsheets and an array of fluffy white pillows were placed at the head of it.

The adjoining bathroom was probably something on the scale of a small wellness center but John couldn’t care less. He made a beeline for the bed and, after bidding Celestia goodbye, unclothed himself and jumped in.

Indescribable, was the only word that could be used to describe the feeling of lying in this bed, and it was mere seconds before John found himself in the land of the peacefully resting.

Author's Note

Holy Frick, this took way too long to write.

Hope you enjoy it, leave your opinions in the comments.

First steps

Chapter VII

First steps

John was roused by knocking, it was soft and demure, and yet it broke the stillness of the massive room so completely that there simply was no alternative to waking up.

Despite being woken up, John was feeling refreshed, perhaps it was because of the fact that this was the first bed that he had slept in in over five years, or perhaps there was another reason.
Maybe being shown some kindness improved one’s rest, who knows.
John raised his upper body and arched his back, popping some of his vertebrae back into place in the process.

Another series of knocks sounded on the door.

More or less alert now, John wiped the sleep from his eyes and called out to the door. “Yes?”

The voice that answered was muffled, but still understandable. “Good evening, sir, I am here to wake you up. Princess Celestia has asked me to inform you that dinner will be served in half an hour, so you still have some time to freshen up.”, she informed him.

John was confused for a short moment, then raised one of his arms and took a whiff of his body odour, which almost caused him to retch.

“Uh, Thank you very much.”, he yelled back across the room.

“No problem, sir. A royal guard will be here to escort you in about twenty minutes. Have a good day.”, she said and left, judging by the sound of hooves clip-clopping and becoming less audible by the second.

‘Time to check out the bathroom’, John thought, and rolled out of bed.

He quickly made the bed, even though he was certain that a maid would come by at some point while was gone, and do it for him. Once he was finished, he moved to the bathroom door, opened it, and stood in awe at the sight before him.

A massive rectangular tub that was set into the floor took up most of the room. Much like the rest of the guest room, it was completely white, presumably porcelain, with golden detailing etched into its surface. The bathroom itself was decorated with tiles, white of course, and the rest of the equipment in the room ranged from a toilet fit for a biped, to a sink so big, one could comfortably submerge a small child in it.

Since he was already wearing his birthday suit, John simply turned on the faucets, and went about the rest of his morning business while the tub filled.
When the water reached a satisfactory level, he added the contents of a bottle standing on the edge of the tub, marked “Bubble Bath”.

The sensation of stepping into the hot water and submersing his body was glorious to say the least, but since he had a dinner scheduled in a few minutes, instead of lying down and enjoying the bath, he scrubbed himself furiously to rinse himself of the accumulated dirt, grease, and filth of more than five years without a proper wash.

Eventually he reached a satisfactory level of cleanliness and drained the tub, stepped out and dried himself with a towel.

Leaving the bath, he started wondering if he should wear his dirty old rags to a dinner with royalty, but he needn’t have worried, for there was a small wrapped parcel lying on the bed.

He skipped wondering about how someone could’ve snuck into the room without noticing. Instead he opened the package and found, to his surprise, a set of garments inside. A neutral beige shirt and beige pants, simple things woven out of cotton, but impressive, given how the clothes must’ve been made only a short time ago.

He donned the clothes given to him and was just finishing tying his old shoes, when a knock sounded on the door, this one was not soft and dainty, but instead masculine and authoritative.

John quickly stood up and opened the door to his room. A white pegasus fitted in golden armor that was polished to perfection stood outside, his expression carefully neutral.

“Good evening, sir. My name is Whispering Winds. I am your personal escort for the day.”, he introduced himself. “The princesses are expecting you, are you ready to depart?”

“Yes.”, John replied. “Lead the way please.”

The pegasus nodded, turned around and began walking down the hallway. John closed the door and followed him closely.

He led him through the same hallways that would eventually lead to Celestia’s study, but before they reached the inner courtyard, Whisper turned into a larger corridor. This one was grander, not only in size but also in appearance, busts, paintings and other knick-knacks lining the walls and ceiling.
John assumed that the princesses didn’t much care for extravagant decorations in their private quarters, but left the main walkways of the castle decorated to keep up outside appearances.

Eventually they reached a set of massive double doors leading to, John assumed, the dining hall.
However they never went through those doors, instead the guard turned towards a smaller door set into the side of the corridor and knocked.

“Enter”, came a voice from the inside.

Whispering Winds turned back towards John and nodded. “If you would please enter, sir. They are expecting you inside.”

John returned the nod and entered the room without a word.

It was a small, rather rustic looking affair, dark oak floorboards and lower wall sideboards, with a neutral white tapestry on the walls. Inside there was a large wooden table with seating cushions and a chair set around it.

At the head of the table sat Celestia, with another alicorn, which John presumed to be her sister, Luna, sitting to her left. The chair was set opposite to Luna and directly next to Celestia.

Celestia greeted him with a warm smile, while Luna looked at him curiously.

“Good evening, John. Please, have a seat and join us for dinner.”, Celestia bid him.

He did as he was asked and sat down on the chair. “Good evening to you as well, your highnesses.”, he nodded his head in a way of formal greeting.

Celestia looked back and forth between John and Luna, before speaking. “John, this is my sister, Luna. Luna, this is John, although you have met him before, in a manner of speaking.”

John remembered what Discord had told him about his being found, and his face lit up with a warm smile. “It is a pleasure to finally meet you, your highness. I can’t stress enough how grateful I am for you saving my sorry self.”
he said, genuinely happy about finally being able to thank her in person.

“Thou art welcome, John. We art pleased as well to meet thou. We were afraid that it might be bad form to simply pick thine self up and bring thee into town without informing thee of said action.”, Luna replied, quirking the edge of her mouth into a slight grin.

John was perplexed for a moment, it was not often that one heard middle english in use. In fact, He had never heard it being used at all, only seen it written down in texts and dictionaries.
Nonetheless, he got the hint and replied.

“Ah, don’t worry about it, your highness. I’m certain it was worse of me to simply faint in the middle of the desert, and to not be awake for your rescue.”, he quipped.

Luna let out a chuckle. “Indeed, Thank harmony that our resolve was steadfast despite such rudeness. Alas, we feel we shall also have to thank Discord. If it were not for his foolery, we fear we would never have been alerted to thine presence.”

“I’ll make sure to thank him, this time without calling your world a product of my insane mind.”, John replied with a smile.

Luna quirked an eyebrow. “Why wouldst thou think such a thing?”

“Ah.”, John began. “You see, while I was wandering through the desert, I began to think that after the attack on me, my mind simply began to leave the coils of mortality behind and chose to imagine itself in an endless desert. As you can imagine, I did not take well to Discord when I first saw him.”, he explained.

Luna laughed at that, but quickly got herself under control. “No, We imagine thou were not quite pleased by his presence in thy situation.”

“Heh, It got worse for me when I saw Doctor Bones. I hadn’t quite accepted Discord yet, and when a talking pony levitating things came into the picture, I think something snapped.”
He sighed. “Eventually when I had calmed down a bit, Discord explained to me where I was, and when he got to the part about you two raising the sun and the moon, that was the proverbial nail in the coffin.

“When I was about to meet your sister, although delayed, I reacted quite adversely to the entire situation. However, I suppose I did eventually get through the initial shock.”, John finished and looked to Celestia, who nodded.

“Yes you did, and I’m glad I could help you come to accept what had happened to you.”, Celestia added.

“But enough of that, you must be starving.”, Celestia stated, matter of factly. However, she mentally chided herself for missing an important fact.

“I almost forgot, John. I don’t know what you usually like to eat.”, she admitted.

“Ah, well. If you were to talk about humans as a whole, we are omnivores.”, he said. Luna raised both eyebrows this time.
“But if you were to talk about me, well, I have lived on the streets for a few years now, so I take what I can get, whether it be stale bread or expired canned goods. So I think I’ll just take whatever it is you are having. If that’s okay with you.”

“Absolutely”, the solar princess affirmed, and rang the small dinner bell sitting atop the table.

Almost immediately afterwards, a side door to the adjoining kitchen opened, and a trio of waiters came out to serve the food.
They placed the trays onto the table, served each of them a plate filled with a mixed salad in dressing, and placed a steaming loaf of bread between the three of them.
The waiters finished by setting down pitchers of water, juice, and for Luna a small carafe filled with wine.

John ate slowly, deliberately, choosing to savour each bite of the food. He thoroughly enjoyed the meal even though it wasn’t much more than salad and bread. It was a delight for him to be able to eat freshly prepared food, especially food of this quality.

When the meal came to an end, Celestia rang the bell again, and within a few seconds the table was cleared of every trace of food there was.

“That was wonderful, thank you.” John said to both of the princesses.

“You are quite welcome, John.”, Celestia chimed, happy that the food had been to her guest’s liking.

The three of them were alone again and silence permeated the room, a content silence, but silence nonetheless. At a loss for a better subject, John decided to broach a topic that had been eating away at the back of his mind for the better part of the meal.

“I don’t know if it’s rude to ask, princess Luna, but I am a bit curious about something.”, he began.

Luna nodded her head slightly, allowing him to continue.

John dipped his head slightly to return her gesture and then went on to ask his question.
“Well, I hope you can excuse my curiosity, but I was a bit surprised to hear you speak in Middle English - err Equestrian, not that that is a bad thing or anything, it’s just that I’ve never personally heard it used before. I have only seen it in written form, so I wonder how that came to be. Is it in common use in Equestria or somewhere else?”

If Luna was perturbed by the question, she did not show it. Celestia on the other hand nearly choked on the juice she had been sipping, and quickly looked off to the side, pretending to examine the room’s walls.

The princess of the night looked at her sister for a short moment before returning her gaze to John.
“We presume that Discord hath given thee a short version of the history of this land?”, she asked. John nodded.
“Hath he also mentioned our banishment?”

John tilted his head to the side, his expression one of puzzlement. “Banishment? No I don’t believe so.”

Luna closed her eyes for a moment and began filling John in on the events leading up to, and following her banishment.

“A little over a thousand years ago, We decided to rebel against our sister, t’was an act of jealousy. We felt that ponies did not appreciate our night as they did mine sister’s day. With each passing day, we grew more solemn in our belief that the night should last forever, a foalish thought as we can now see, but at the time it seemed to be the only logical solution to getting ponies to appreciate our work.”
She stopped to sigh and look at her sister again, whose face wore a neutral expression, but as John could easily assume, she probably regretted what had happened as well. After a few seconds, Luna continued.
“In time, our mind had become clouded enough by jealousy and ill-directed hatred, that an outside influence found it more than easy to persuade and corrupt me into attacking mine own sister. This was the Nightmare. At this point, my sister had come to realize that any attempts to reason with us were futile, and when we struck out and blocked out the sun with our moon-”, Luna blinked away a single tear. “She had no choice but to use a series of ancient artifacts called the Elements of Harmony to banish us to the moon.”

“But to make a long story short, a few years ago, mine sister with the help of the new Element Bearers, succeeded in freeing us from the Nightmare’s influence.” A small smile adorned her snout as she glanced over to her sister, who was still wearing a neutral expression, although it seemed a bit lighter now.

“To answer thine question, John. Even though we have had a few years to adjust to changed times now, It has not been quite enough to break old habits. Perhaps in time we will be more comfortable with the changed language, but that time is not now.” She took a sip of her wine and looked at John.

His eyes were wide and he mentally slapped himself for asking such a personal question. He had not quite expected such a response.

“I-I’m sorry, princess, I shouldn’t have asked. I’m very sorry if I made you uncomfortable. It’s not my place to ask such personal questions of you.”, he apologized.

“Nonsense John, t’is quite fine. Thou hast been very forthcoming with thine own personal history and we would be remiss if we kept our’s from thee”, she chirped.

“Besides, It has lead to our betterment, we were reunited with our sister, and have been given a chance to make up for our misdeeds.”, she explained her point of view on the matter.

John, to put it mildly, was dumbstruck. To be able to live through such events and come out the other side with that kind of attitude towards it spoke not only of great wisdom, but also a strength of character that was, quite frankly, extremely admirable.

Celestia regarded her sister with a loving expression, the kind that only family and friends were capable of. It was obvious that she was not untouched by the burden of having been forced to banish her own sister, but it was also plain to see that she was happy to have regained her long lost sister, and that she would do anything to keep it that way.

The next few hours were spent conversing amicably, John learning more of the history of Equestria in the process, and the princesses getting a glimpse of human history in return.
To say that Luna was excited when John told her about the almost fervent interest in the cosmos that humanity possessed, and John’s own dabbling in the subject, would have been a massive understatement.

“So thou art saying that thy people have held a great interest in the stars throughout the ages?”, she inquired with not a small amount of held back glee evident in her voice.

“Well, yes. It has always been one of humanity’s greatest dreams to reach out and touch the stars since time immemorial.”, John answered, and for a moment he was sure that he had heard the princess squee. “And in the last few decades we have even managed to send unmanned craft out to other planets using rockets. We reached Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, we even landed a few probes on Venus, although they didn’t survive too long in the immensely dense atmosphere.”, he counted off the achievements of the human race in the space faring age.

“But I’d say our biggest achievement was landing the first man on the moon.”

Luna’s eyes widened visibly at the mention of the earth’s constant companion.

“Surely thou jest?”, she wondered. It was not easy for her to believe that a race so completely without magic, had managed a feat that was almost impossible for even the most advanced magic users in Equestria, namely alicorns.

“No, I’m completely serious.”, John reassured her. “It’s actually an interesting story. It began some time before the second world war.”, he started, and as Celestia made to inquire about the last three words, he quickly added. “I’ll get to that later, I promise.”

“Anyways.”, he continued. “A young man by the name of Wernher von Braun was studying in a boarding school in Weimar around 1925. He was a relatively normal student, not very gifted in the fields of Physics and Mathematics, but at some point it is said that he read a book and soon after started applying himself more and more into those very fields. Like many people, he had become fascinated with the cosmos, more specifically with interstellar space.”

John gauged Luna’s reaction to his words before moving on. She was still listening with rapt attention.

“He would later come to work for the National Socialists in germany, building weapons of mass destruction in a futile effort of our then leaders to enact a vendetta against our former enemies.”

This caught Celestia’s attention again, but John figured she would wait for him to finish the story before asking about it.

“There’s still a debate about whether or not he shared the same views as those people, but it is clear that he wouldn’t shy away from using more extreme methods to achieve his goals.”, John made sure to be as honest as possible about this. There was no use in trying to paint what had happened in a better light.

“He used their weapons program to further his own research into rocket flight, achieving space flight with weapons of terror and destruction. At some point though, the war was lost, but von Braun was picked up by the allied forces, one of our former enemies, and was enlisted into their own space program.”, John did not particularly like his home country’s history but he went on nonetheless.

“A few years after the war, two of the formerly allied nations, namely the United States and the Soviet Union became wrapped up in a cold war, ready to strike each other at a moments notice, but at the same time prevented from doing so by mutually assured destruction by means of nuclear weapons, which are essentially bombs with the destructive capability of several million tons of conventional explosives. While all that was happening, those countries were battling to bring the first people into space and beyond. The Soviets managed to claim the first victories, bringing the first man into space, sending probes to the lunar surface, landing on venus with a probe etcetera.”

He told them the events of the 1950’s to the 1960’s in a few short words, but their effect were more or less the same as a full history lecture.

“But when the time came to bring the first human beings to the moon, von Braun outdid himself with a rocket one hundred and ten meters long, ten meters wide, and weighing around three thousand tons. It was a masterpiece of engineering to be sure.”, John cheered up a bit himself as he moved into a lighter subject matter.

“Using that rocket, we sent three men into space, to the moon and onto its surface. A lot was learned during those days, it essentially turned our world view onto it’s head, assumptions made about the moon were proven wrong, others were proven right, and so on.
And of course, as all great stories go, we were also blessed with some great words of wisdom from one of the men on that mission.
It’s a phrase that is commonly known all around the planet. Out of seven billion people, I’m almost sure that around eighty to ninety percent know about it.”, he said.

“When Neil Armstrong stood on the ladder of the Lunar Lander, about to step onto the dusty surface, he uttered a phrase that was heard by every person near a radio or television set that day.”, John smiled, putting on a slight American accent. “This is one small step for a man… One giant leap for mankind… And then, he jumped off the ladder and explored the surface with Buzz Aldrin, his partner on the excursion, while the third man, Michael Collins, stayed behind in orbit around the moon in the command module.”

“It made mankind’s imagination go wild, before it eventually stagnated again in an inescapable monotony that is very common to our world nowadays.”

John sighed. “Nowadays, everything revolves around the accumulation of wealth and material possessions. The government’s aren’t properly funding their space programs anymore. Everything that’s left over from those times are communication satellites, forgotten space probes just now returning to a position near earth and the occasional, although very rare, new launch to explore Jupiter’s and Saturn’s moons in greater detail. There seems to be a chance that Europa, one of Jupiter’s moons could possibly be harboring microbial life. Although getting there and finding out is just too expensive. Anyways, I digress. I’m sure I can tell you more later.”

Luna took a few seconds to realize that John had stopped sharing his limited knowledge of the space age, but her expression didn’t fall, in fact, she seemed content.

“Agreed, It would be sad if thou were to tell us everything tonight, there would be no more left for other occasions. But still, thank thee, John. It is most delightful to hear about thy people’s endeavours amongst the heavens.”, Luna assured him.

“You’re welcome, your highness.”, John turned to Celestia, “I think I’m safe in assuming you have some questions about what I said earlier?”, John asked.

Celestia nodded.

“Indeed. You have spoken briefly of some tragedies and two world wars, and while I promise that I won’t judge you for your people’s history, I would still like to hear more about these events.”

John rubbed his temples in anticipation of the daunting task of explaining humanity’s rather bloody history to someone who is completely blind to some of the atrocities that his species has committed in its long history.

“Well, I suppose we always were a pretty violent race…”, He started, and did his best to recollect some of the major points in the history of mankind’s uprising, development of culture, and of course war.

It was a lengthy tale, but neither of the princesses seemed bored for even a moment, instead they actually confronted John about things that seemed odd, other things that needed explaining because of cultural factors such as religion, and others that just screamed of stupidity on the part of the humans in question.
It took John nearly three hours to satisfy the curiosity of Luna, and two more hours after that to sate Celestia’s hunger for information and explanation.

“And that’s that.”, John said, feeling tired after racking his brain for every iota of knowledge about the human race.

“I hope that I could help you, although I have to admit I don’t know a lot about human history, just the basics. And now you know as much as I do.”, John exclaimed, hoping that the subject was closed and they could move on to other topics.

“Indeed we do John, thank you.” princess Celestia said. “And I had hoped to have something to present to you as well, but alas, as much as I tried, I couldn’t find a reasonable explanation as to what brought you here.” the princess informed him.

“That’s alright, your highness. To be honest I don’t really need to know why. Although my world has its wonderful moments, I still don’t care much for it.”

And it was true, even though none of the events leading up to his arrival in Equestria made much sense, they still led to him arriving here. That was more than enough for John, and there was the old saying that you shouldn’t look the gift horse in the mouth. Or maybe it was gift pony, John didn’t want to look either of those gift animals in the mouth. Only now did he come to realize that, although he hasn’t seen a lot of Equestria, he already liked it and its inhabitants several orders of magnitude more than Earth and its dwellers.

But Celestia wasn’t one to be shot down quickly as she quickly picked the topic up again.

“Actually, John. There was one thing I have not tried yet, and I was hoping you would give me permission to bring in some help.”, Celestia said, a small pleading glimmer present in her big magenta eyes as she looked at John.

He couldn’t hold her stare for long and soon gave in to her demand.

“Uhh, sure. Why not. Who or what did you have in mind, your highness?”, he asked.

If only he knew…

****

A burp worthy of legend resounded through the enormous crystalline halls of the Castle of Friendship. Shortly after, the tip-tapping of claws could be heard echoing through the corridors as a young voice called out loudly.

“Twilight! Twiiiilight! Letter from the princess!”.

****

The Odyssey begins

Chapter VIII

The Odyssey begins

John groaned in frustration. “I’ve told you, I don’t remember anything else!”, he yelled, agitated at the lavender alicorn’s insistence that there must be something they were missing about the entire situation.

Twilight Sparkle had arrived only two hours ago, and after getting over the fact that a member of an entirely foreign species was standing right in front of her, introducing herself, and listening to John’s retelling of his story, had bombarded him with a barrage of questions to make sure that they didn’t miss a single detail that could later on help them solve this mystery.

John found Twilight to be entirely sympathetic, but her repeated questioning regarding every single part of his story, save one or two, was not only starting affect him emotionally, but also ground on his nerves.

She didn’t seem to have heard him, as she kept pacing around the room they were in, mumbling to herself. “Think, Twilight, think. There must be some way to explain all of this.”

Celestia and Luna had left them some time after Twilight’s arrival. Celestia to go to bed in preparation for the next day, and Luna to belatedly open Night Court and to keep watch over her night. This left John alone with Twilight, who was now treading a hole into the stone tiled floor of the common study. They had relocated there after the other princesses had bid them farewell.

John pinched the bridge of his nose with his right thumb and index finger. “Well if there is, then you’re not going to find it by asking me the same questions over and over again.”, he said, clearly annoyed.

He wanted to help, really, but this was pointless. If there was anything else to remember, anything at all, he surely would have done so by now.

“Come on, John, are you sure there’s nothing else? something that might seem entirely inconsequential, unusual or the like? A weird itch maybe?”, Twilight asked again, trying to elicit a useful response from John. She was at the end of her rope and was basically grasping at straws now.

John sighed, and prepared to give the same speech he gave her half an hour ago. “I’ll say this one more time. I’ve told you everything that I remember, there is absolutely nothing else that I-”, John cut himself off. There was one thing, something that he had completely forgotten about.

“Actually...” He began, feeling a bit embarrassed for forgetting, and bad for lashing out at Twilight earlier, after all she was only trying to help him.

“Yes?”, Twilight basically snapped to attention, a dim hope of yet being able to find the solution having been lit inside of her mind.

“Well, I think I had a dream after the… the incident that happened before I arrived here.”, he told her.

Not even a full second after he had finished the sentence, Twilight was already sprinting out of the room, eager to find a certain alicorn of the night. Maybe Luna could shed some light on the matter.

John mentally shrugged and waited for Twilight to return, which she did five seconds later.

“What are you waiting for?!”, she almost shouted the question. John was flabbergasted.

“What?”, he asked, now thoroughly confused.

“We have to find Luna! Come on!”, she declared, not offering any further explanation.

This time, John physically shrugged and went after the royal lavender blur that was now dashing through the castle’s halls at relativistic speeds.
Well, maybe not that fast.

****

Night Court had closed early after being in session for an hour. Not many ponies had come to present their cases and requests, and those few who did either made ridiculous demands that would have never even been heard in Day Court, or simply wished to use the night princess as a means to further their schemes. Luna didn’t feel the need to subject herself or her guards to the boredom of remaining in the throne room for the remainder of that night’s session, so she had released them from their duties for the night. Afterwards, she found herself wandering aimlessly through the inner halls of Canterlot Castle, eventually deciding to head towards the Royal Gardens.

She walked past the great hall and had almost reached the inner courtyard that lead to the gardens, when she turned a corner and was suddenly faced with an excellent practical demonstration of Neighton’s Third Law of Motion; As Twilight Sparkle experienced sudden deceleration upon contact with the Princess of the Night, Luna, in turn, received a boost of momentum in the exact opposite direction that Twilight arrived from.
“Oof”, Luna astutely observed as air was forcibly expelled from her lungs due to the force of Twilight’s impact. Both mares were knocked off their hooves and slid across the floor before coming to a sudden stop as Luna’s back met the wall.

Luna blinked a few times to clear her vision and attempted to stand up, only to be greeted by a blurry lavender apparition in her immediate field of view. She nictated a few more times, and when the splash of lavender finally took on a more recognizable shape, namely that of Twilight Sparkle, she failed to resist the urge to let loose a witty comment pertaining to the current situation.

“Ah, well met Twilight Sparkle, We take it thou were looking for a particular blue maned pony?
We can see how thou might have mistaken us for someone else. Perhaps a particular stallion of the royal guard?”

Twilight was confused for a moment, but eventually understood what Luna had meant, and decided to ignore the remark. After all, It wasn’t her fault that the halls in her new castle were so reflective. Collisions due to temporarily impeded eyesight were somewhat unavoidable after all.

“Ah, Uhm…”, Twilight skillfully replied instead. She had obviously not forgotten what she had originally wanted to ask of Luna, and was merely preparing herself mentally.

Before the silence could drag on for too long, John arrived from around the corner, and due to his inexperience with equine collisions, displayed a remarkable example of utter confusion and complete inaction as a reaction to the sight before him.

Just in that moment, Twilight finished her mental preparations. After righting herself and helping up Luna, she presented her request to the night princess.

Luna considered it for a moment, then asked Twilight: “Thou would want us to look into a past dream of his?” Twilight nodded. “That might not be as easy as thou might think. Especially seeing as how he is from an entirely different species, it might not work at all.”, Luna explained and looked over to John. “Art thou sure that thou wants to do this?”

“What other choice do I have?”, John replied, pulled out of his stupor by Luna’s question. “I want to know what happened just as much as you do, and if this is how to get the answers we need, I couldn’t very well say no, now could I?”

The lunar diarch nodded, seemingly satisfied with John’s answer. She thought for a moment on how to approach the problem. Entering a pony’s mind in their sleep to watch over their dreams was simple enough. Forcing a recollection of a past dream, however, was not so simple. It required absolute relaxation and openness on the dreamer’s part, and immense concentration and willpower on Luna’s. The only previous example of such a recollection working, however briefly, had been long ago, before Luna’s banishment. She had been experimenting with her abilities some time after Celestia and her were coronated.
Luna, wishing to do well by her subjects, decided to stand guard over her ponies’ dreams, so that they might enjoy a restful slumber, undisturbed by the worries of the real world.

Her sister aided her in this endeavour by posing as a test subject of sorts, so that Luna might hone her skills further.
It was during one of those sessions that Luna decided to try and see if she could enter a past dream of a pony. Not all dreams and nightmares were recurring, and should a pony want help understanding a dream, or have trouble processing a past nightmare, being able to actually see the dream in question could come in very handy.

Needles to say, forcing a particular dream on a sleeping mind was hard enough, doing so without the explicit consent and aid of the dreamer, was nigh on impossible.
In the end, after countless failed attempts, and a single, minutes long success, Luna abandoned the idea, instead focusing on helping as many ponies as she could during their short periods of sleep.

Forcing her conscious back into the here and now, Luna finally noticed Twilight waving a hoof back and forth in front of her eyes. She briefly wondered how long she had zoned out before clearing her throat and speaking.

“Forgive me, ‘twould seem our mind wandered a bit.”, a small lopsided grin played its way across her face for a moment, before it was gone. She faced John, looked into his eyes and continued. “Art thou ready, John?”

John didn’t hesitate and nodded at the question. “As ready as I can be.”, he said, closed his eyes and let out a long, drawn out breath.
“Splendid”, said Luna. “Let us begin then.”

She turned around and beckoned John and Twilight to follow her with a nod of her head.

The walk went by quietly for the most part, the only intrusion to the stillness being a question asked by John after a thought had occurred to him.

“Where are we going?”, he asked Luna. Apprehension had grown within him since he had agreed to have the princess of the night poke around in his head. The possibility of an explanation, or even a solution, to his predicament was an obvious, if theoretical, beneficial outcome of Twilights proposal, and far be it from him to deny them and himself that opportunity, but still, he was worried.

He wasn’t worried about potential dangers, real, imagined, or otherwise. But rather, he was worried about the very real possibility of failure, failure to come up with some kind of answer or reason to his being here. To him, being stuck in this inexplicable here and now, not knowing why or how, was chilling. The alternative of this all being an abstract conjuration of a comatose mind still stuck in a dying body lying in a desert or somewhere else seemed more preferable, if only a little.

“Usually…”, Luna began and snapped John out of his reverie, the quiet once more having been broken.

The night princess cleared her throat and continued.

“Usually we retreat to the confines of our own quarters when we watch over the dreams of our subjects.”, Luna turned her head a touch to look at John properly. “And in thine case it is even more important to achieve complete ataraxis. So that is where we art heading to.”, she explained.

Twilight nodded slightly at this, having followed the conversation, while John had a slightly confused look on his face. “Ataraxis?”, he inquired.

Before Luna could even so much as think of replying, Twilight had already analyzed the question, prepared a response, and fired said response off in the space of a few milliseconds.

“Serenity, peace of mind, heartsease.” John raised a brow at that, and Twilight took that as a sign of further explanation being required. “She needs you to relax, John.”, she said happily.

His eyebrow continued to elevate itself along John’s facial features. “I got that, thanks Google.”, John quipped in response.

Now it was Twilight’s turn to look more than slightly confused. “My name isn’t Google, it’s Twilight.”

As her confusion slowly started to transform into a ,quite frankly, very adorable but also potentially lethal pout, John tried to quickly diffuse the situation. “I know, don’t worry, it was a compliment.”, he said. Seeing as the transformation had halted, but refused to revert back to it’s normal state, John quickly followed his statement up with a promise. “And yes, I will explain what that word means later.”

The promise of knowledge pacified Twilight and all seemed right with the world for a moment.

At least, until they reached the doors to Luna’s chambers and John reminded himself once more that this just might not work at all, which
brought his fears back, and they were stronger than ever.

“Well then, I’m ready”, John lied. “Lets do this.”

Author's Note

I'm sorry that it took me this long to put out another chapter.
I feel even more awful that it's only a short 2000 word one, but alas, I've been very busy recently,
and when the opportunity arose to write some more for this story, I just couldn't bring myself to do so.

Obviously that's not something you readers like to hear, so I can only promise to try harder to get you
more content, since apparently there are actually people reading my dreadful stuff.

And yes, yes the story will begin eventually. I have diabolical things planned, DIABOLICAL I TELL YOU.
So until next time, adieu my dear readers!