The Elements of Awesomery

by PresentPerfect

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, Comedy, Profanity, Random, Violence, Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance
Length: 29760

Join Wondercloud Lightningbolt and her friends on their quest for the Elements of Awesomery!

When aliens and monsters attack their town, it's up to Wondercloud Lightningbolt and her friends to find the Elements of Awesomery and stop the invasion! Can they brave the dangers of the Everlame Forest and make it back before everypony's house explodes?

A parody of bad fanfiction, originally published on Equestria Daily July 21st, 2011. Series is incomplete, but each update is a complete story. Read the side stories here! (Chronologically between EoA and The Adventures Of.) Dramatic readings by MrKenyon (part 2), Voz de Suenos (not complete), and Pinkie Punch (part 2). Discussed by the Brony Book Club!

The Adventures of Wondercloud and Sugar Rush: After the events of The Elements of Awesomery, Wondercloud and her friends work to rebuild their homes. But when the Awesomebolts make a guest appearance in town, will Wondercloud slack off to show off for them? You're darn right the answer is yes.

The Further Adventures of Wondercloud and Sugar Rush: When a spaceship crash lands in the Everlame Forest, the Elements of Awesomery must go on a world-spanning quest to help a wayward people rebuild their homes. Will Wondercloud be eaten by a dragon? Will Fashionface and Johnniepear start and/or stop making out? What's bothering Sugar Rush? Will there be chocolate? Will the rating be kicked up to Teen? The answer to that last question, at least, is yes.

Midnight Twinkle Gets a Clue: Why is Midnight Twinkle such a butt? She's literally the smartest pony in Ponylandia, but she just doesn't get it. So can she and her bodyguard save Pony City from a rampaging Ursa when it shows up and she makes things worse? The answer is yes, but they won't be able to do it alone...

Whisperlite's Wonderful Day: All Whisperlite wants to do is have a lovely picnic with a dear friend. Will her less-than-dear (and deer) friends let her get away with that? The answer is probably 'no'.

Published 2012-04-24 18:34:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-21 00:01:08 UTC

The Elements of Awesomery

The Elements of Awesomery
by PartyPartyParty99

It was a fine spring day in the magical land of Ponylandia. There were no clouds in the very blue sky and the birds were singing and everything was wonderful and everypony was happy. Well, except for one pony. A pegasus pony with rainbow mane and a cutie mark that was an awesome rainbow lightning bolt coming out of a thundercloud who was named Wondercloud Lightningbolt was talking to her friends. She was kind of sad, because even though she had a lot of friends, and they were pretty cool, she thought that she was really lame. This wasn't true, of course; Wondercloud was a totally awesome pony, but for some reason, she didn't think so, and she wouldn't listen to her friends when they tried to convince her otherwise.

"You should cheer up, Wondercloud," said Fashionface. She was a pretty unicorn with purple mane, and she tended to whine about things a lot. Her cutie mark was FASHION. "You're really a very cool pony. I wish I was half as cool as you are!"

"Fashionface is plum right," drawled Johnniepear in her funny accent. She was a really strong orange filly and not a colt like you might think from her name. Her cutie mark was a pear that had a big mouth with lots of teeth. "I don't know anypony else who's as cool as you, 'ceptin' fer me o' course, I reckon."

"Wondercloud, I'll bake you the biggest, most bestest cake ever if it makes you stop being so sad," added Sugar Rush, who was the pinkest pony ever and Wondercloud's closest and very best friend. On her butt was a big pink firework, exploding with sugary candy-coated goodness and sprinkles. "You're so cool, you deserve a hundred cakes! Also, I think you're really hot." She spoke the last part really quietly so no one would hear.

Wondercloud's fourth friend, a yellow pegasus named Whisperlite, didn't say anything, but that was okay, because when she talked you could never hear what she said anyway, and she was really cute so it didn't matter. Her flank-a-dank was a butterfly with a flashlight for a body.

"Gee, girls," sighed Wondercloud, "it's really nice of you to say all those things to me. It's just that I haven't done anything really cool lately and I'm pretty sure that means I'm lame." She sighed again. All her friends thought it was a really cool sigh, but it didn't matter. She just went off to mope on a cloud.

Later that day, a new pony showed up in town, and Wondercloud was the first one to meet her. She was a weird purple unicorn with a cutie thing that looked like a brain reading a book, who wore black clothing and said her name was Midnight Twinkle.

"Wondercloud Lightningbolt, I demand you take me to whoever runs this town immediately, because I know a lot of important things that have to be told to that pony right now and no one else!" Midnight Twinkle was kind of bossy and didn't like telling other ponies what she knew.

Wondercloud shrugged and showed Midnight Twinkle to the city hall, where Mayor Sexynickers lived. Once Midnight Twinkle was talking to the Mayor, Wondercloud gathered up her friends and told them about the weird new pony.

"She doesn't sound very nice!" whined Fashionface. "And her fashion sense is awful!"

"I woulda kicked her hindquarters right back to where she came from, consarnit!" Johnniepear frowned. She flexed her hooves and somewhere a bird exploded.

"Well, I think we should throw her a party!" squealed Sugar Rush, bouncing around in a circle. "Parties are the best way to make weird new ponies love everyone!"

If Whisperlite said anything, nopony heard it.

"Maybe we should find out what it is this new pony knows," Wondercloud thought loudly. "I mean, she seemed kind of agitated. Maybe it's something important."

Just then, Midnight Twinkle burst out of city hall! "Just you wait, Mayor Sexynickers!" she yelled behind her. "I'll show you that I'm right and we're all in terrible danger!" Behind her, the mayor, who was really sexy looking in a totally mature way, slapped her flank with a hoof and closed the doors.

"Terrible danger?" asked Johnniepear. "Why, I reckon that sounds downright mighty dangerous!"

Midnight Twinkle stuck out her tongue. "Well, duh! I was reading some moldy old books, when I found out that aliens from the planet Badhorsia are coming to this town, tonight, to destroy the whole world!"

Everypony gasped.

"Oh noooo!" wailed Fashionface. "Whatever shall we doooo?"

"They can't destroy the world!" cried Sugar Rush. "That's where I keep my stuff!"

Whisperlite whimpered and hid underneath Wondercloud because she was scared.

"We have to stop them!" declared Wondercloud firmly. "We can't let the world be destroyed!"

"That there's the spirit, Wondercloud!" Johnniepear whooped, slapping Wondercloud on the back so hard her teeth rattled. "We'll kick them there aliens in their cotton-pickin' teeth! Tarnation!"

Midnight Twinkle rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Ugh. What a bunch of dummies you guys are. Obviously, you can't just go around kicking aliens or whatever. We have to go to the Everlame Forest and find the Elements of Awesomery first. They're the only things that can save us!"

Everypony gasped again.

"The Everlame Forest? But it's the worst place in all of Ponylandia!"

"Yeah, nothing fun ever happens there! It's totally lame!"

"Lame is right, Sugar Rush. I'd never want to go there!"

"Fine," Midnight Twinkle said, rolling her eyes, "whatever. You all can just stay here and let the world get destroyed. I'm going, and don't let me say I told you so when flying saucers burn your house down with exploding laser beams!" She turned in a huff and sauntered off toward the dark, spooky mouth of the Everlame Forest.

"We'd better follow her, girls. There ain't no tellin' what'll happen if'n she moseys on into the Everlame Forest by herself, gol durnit!" Johnniepear charged ahead. The rest of the friends looked at each other and shrugged, and then they all followed.

The Everlame Forest was really dark and really creepy, but mostly it was just lame. The plants were dark and had all kinds of spikes and stuff on them, but up close they were all veiny and covered in warts and junk and looked really dumb. Sometimes an animal would jump out at you, but then you'd realize its teeth were dull and it was way smaller than you first thought. Still, most ponies stayed away from the forest anyway, because it was totally nerve-wracking to be there, what with all the not-dangerous animals jumping out at you all the time.

The six ponies stayed together as they wandered down the path, and the dark, lame trees pushed in closer and closer from every side. Suddenly, an enormous fire-breathing dragon jumped out! It gnashed its huge, pointy teeth and roared and snorted flames at them! All the ponies screamed, except Johnniepear, who strode forward and snorted back at the dragon. Then, they all realized that it wasn't breathing fire at them so much as it was lobbing fiery, explosive boogers. That was kind of lame, since they were expecting actual fire breathing, but it was still dangerous.

Johnniepear didn't care, though. She knew she had to protect her friends. A flaming booger got snotted right at her, and she did a jumping spin-kick over top of it and kicked the dragon right in its lame face! She looked way cool while doing it too, and landed on all fours like a boss. The dragon roared and backed up, trying to hit Johnnie with its wing, but she ducked at just the last minute, making all her friends gasp in fear. But Johnnie wasn't worried; she flip-kicked into the air and smacked the dragon right under its stupid head! She kicked it so hard it went flying up and spun around end over end! And before it hit the ground, Johnnie did a cool-ass spinning dragon punch uppercut and knocked it out! Then she put a cigarette out in its eye, because she didn't give a fuck.

"That was so scary!" cried Fashionface. "I thought I was going to diiiie!"

"Wow, Johnnie, that was so cool!" gasped Wondercloud excitedly. "I wish I could do cool stuff like that."

"You can, Wondercloud, I believe in you," said Sugar Rush quietly.

Johnnie nodded sagely and put on some sweet shades. "It's easy. Y'all jist gotta believe in yerself an' stop givin' two shits." Johnniepear spit on the ground. "Hayseed." And then she walked on and they all followed her.

Soon they came to a bunch of big stone pillars that blocked the path and made them have to go in single file. There was a gate at the end of the path. All of a sudden, a big mean demon dropped down in front of the gate and said, "Halt! You shall not pass!"

The ponies all gasped. They looked at each other. Johnnie tried kicking the demon, but it blocked her kick with its enormous hand. Sugar Rush tried tickling it, but it wasn't ticklish. Fashionface moaned, "Ohh, come on, just get out of the way, we're really in a hurry here!" But the demon ignored her.

Finally, Whisperlite stepped forward. "Um, excuse me, Mr. Demon, sir," she murmured. It was really hard to hear. "We'd like to move past you, if you wouldn't mind. We have something very important to do on the other side of this gate." Then her eyes got really big and watery and she looked at the demon.

The demon looked at Whisperlite. Suddenly, its eyes got all watery too. "Oh my!" it exclaimed. "You're so adorable! I just want to pick you up and cuddle you forever!" It did so, much to Whisperlite's surprise. But it didn't really cuddle her forever, only for a little bit. "Since you're so cute, I'll let you all go on ahead," it continued saying, and put her back down. It opened the gate for them and bowed gracefully. "Bye-bye, you adorable pony! I hope you come back this way soon!" And it balled up its hands and made a happy face and did a little dance, thinking about how cute Whisperlite was.

"Wow, Whisperlite," said Wondercloud in awe. "That was some trick!" Whisperlite didn't say anything.

Sugar Rush murmured to herself, "I think Wondercloud's cuter," but nopony heard her, except that Wondercloud blushed a little, and she didn't even know why.

Then they came to a wide, wide river, and it didn't look like there was any way they could cross it. Suddenly, Wondercloud shouted, "Look!" and pointed to the middle of the river. There were three big Diamond Dogs in a big boat paddling their way.

"Maybe they'll take us across," mused Midnight Twinkle.

"Yes, we will!" the first dog said, rubbing its paws together. "Please, climb into the boat!"

They all climbed in, and the Diamond Dogs began rowing back across the river. But halfway to the shore, the leader dog started laughing.

"Hahaha, you foolish ponies! You have fallen into our trap! Now we will sink the boat and you will all drown and then we will eat you! Hahahahaha!" He started rocking the boat back and forth and all the ponies were scared that they were going to drown.

"Oh nooo!" cried Fashionface. "Whatever shall we doooo?"

"Stop that!" cried the leader, putting his fingers in his ears. "Don't do that!"

"What do you mean?" she whined. "What don't you want me doing? You're loud and mean and smelly, and I just want to get across this yucky river and out of this awful, dirty boat and onto the other shore so we can find the Elements of Awesomery!"

"All right, that's it!" yelled the dog. "We kill you first!"

"Like hay you will, ya dirty varmint!" shouted Johnniepear, and then she kicked the dog in the face and he fell out of the boat. Wondercloud and Midnight Twinkle kicked the other two dogs and they fell out as well and they all drowned in the river. No one ever said that Diamond Dogs were smart. I mean, what do they even do, really?

"Fashionface, you almost got us all killed!" Wondercloud yelled. "You suck!"

"Well, it isn't myyyyyyy fault!" Fashionface cried. "Those stupid dogs tried to drown us all!"

"Just can it," huffed Midnight Twinkle. "We're almost there."

"Hey Midnight," asked Wondercloud, "what are these Elements of Awesomery supposed to be, anyway?"

"Yeah," added Sugar Rush questioningly, "and what do they do?"

Midnight Twinkle blushed. "Actually, uh, I dunno."

"What???" everypony shouted questioningly.

"I just know that we can find them here, in this forest, and they'll help us stop the aliens. I swear I didn't make it up or anything!"

"So you mean we're risking our lives for something that might not even work or exist?" Wondercloud clucked her tongue. "Sheesh, you suck too, Midnight Twinkle."

Midnight Twinkle got a really indignant look on her face, and then she hmphed and turned her back on them and kept walking without saying anything.

"Don't look now," whispered Sugar Rush to Wondercloud, "but I think you just got 20% cooler."

Wondercloud blushed a little more.

They all decided that they would keep going, because they'd gotten this far. If Midnight Twinkle was wrong (even though she didn't think she would be) then they'd all go home and laugh at her. Eventually, they came to a really really deep, really really dark part of the forest. There was no light except for some glowing mushrooms, but they were lame because the light was plain old white and not blue or pink or something neat like that.

Suddenly, there was an enormous, ferocious beast in front of them! It had the body of a lion, the head of an eagle, the ears of a rabbit, and the butt of a monkey! It was big and mean and ugly, and even though it was really totally lame, it was also really dangerous, unlike the rest of the monsters in the Everlame Forest!

"Oh no!" cried Midnight Twinkle. "It's a nifforg! The most powerful creature in the Everlame Forest! We're doomed!"

It roared loudly and all the ponies shrank back, scared, except for Sugar Rush, who stepped forward (even though she was scared too) and said in a brave voice, "Hey you big, mean meanie-pants! Why don't you go away and leave us alone? We've come way too far to stop here because of some dumb ugly monster!"

The beast sneered at her. "Huh, as if. What's some stupid pink pony gonna do, huh?"

Sugar Rush smiled back. "I'm gonna play a game with you!"

"A game? You think I'm playin' here or somethin'?"

"Yup! It's called, 'Where's Sugar?'!" And then she zipped behind a tree.

The nifforg roared and sliced the tree in half with one giant swipe! All the ponies gasped in fright because they thought Sugar Rush was dead for sure, but she had disappeared!

"Yoo-hoo!" cried the pink pony, sticking out from another tree and waggling her hooves. "I'm over here, you big dumb, ugly, dumb thing you!"

The nifforg turned around and swiped at that tree, but once again, Sugar Rush was gone! She appeared inside another tree, and then she came out from under a rock, saying, "This one time, I saw a thing that was ugly and slimy and totally stupid, and I thought it was the dumbest thing I ever saw, until I saw your gross butt just now, and now I know that's the ugliest thing ever!" And then kicked the thing in its big, ugly butt!

She appeared out of the foliage and stuck a pillowcase over the beast's eyes, and then she showed up in its mane and gave it a huge noogie!

"Argh!" cried the nifforg. "I'm outta here, you weirdos! I thought this place was lame, but you're dorking it up!" And it spread its huge, ugly, stinky, dumb wings and took off over the trees.

"Hooray!" cried the ponies, and they all gave Sugar Rush a hug.

"Wow," Wondercloud said, "that was really random, Sugar Rush! But it was really funny to watch!"

"Thanks, Boltie," Sugar Rush said shyly. "I'm glad you liked it." And then when nopony else was looking, she mustered up her courage and gave Wondercloud a tiny peck on the cheek. Wondercloud blushed really deeply this time, and her wings stood up straight, and she couldn't get them to go back down for five minutes, and she didn't really understand why.

They crossed a big chasm on a rickety, swaying rope bridge. It was scary and high, but they did their best not to look down, and somehow they all made it across.

That is, they almost did! Just as they reached the other side, another pony showed up out of the mist. He was an earth pony, who was all grey, and he was way bigger than any of them. He was even twice as big as Johnniepear! He scowled at them and grumbled, "My name is Hokey Smokes, and I'm here to stop you all from getting to the Elements of Awesomery!"

"Oh yeah?" cried Johnnie. "You wanna fight or somethin'?"

"Pfft, please. You look kinda girly and shrimpy. I'd probably kick your flank from here to Badhorsia."

"Hey!" cried Wondercloud. "You can't talk to my friends that way! If you wanna fight one of us, you gotta fight all of us!"

Then something weird happened. Hokey Smokes' jaw dropped and he stared at Wondercloud.

"Whoa," he breathed breathlessly, "where'd you get that awesome rainbow color in your mane?"

Wondercloud almost didn't know what to say. "Uhh, it's natural, I guess. I mean, I've always had it."

Hokey Smokes started freaking out and jumping around. "Wow, dude, that's so awesome! Oh, I wish I was as cool as you! I mean, I'm just grey all over, what kind of color is that? Bo-ring! I totally can't stand up to a pony as cool as you! I mean, I'll have to let you through to face my friends, and they'll probably tear you apart because they're cooler than I am, but gee! You just look awesome! Remember me, okay? I'll totally be your biggest fan when you get famous!"

And he stepped aside and let them pass. Wondercloud looked kind of bewildered, but Sugar Rush gave her a hug.

"That was awesome, Wondercloud! You did great!"

"But... I didn't do anything!"

"I guess you didn't have to," smirked Midnight Twinkle with a smile. "You do look pretty cool, after all."

"Gee, thanks," Wondercloud blushed.

In front of them was a big huge castle, made out of moldy old blocks of stone and covered in portcullises. I mean portcullises everywhere, it was just crawling with 'em! Anyway, they were trying to figure out a way in when suddenly a big black pegasus with a monocle swooped down and landed in front of the gate!

"Who goes there?" he cried, his voice all snobbish. "I am Black Snooty, and I am here to see that none may enter the castle!"

The ponies all looked at him. "We could fight ya," declared Johnniepear.

"Oh please," Black Snooty huffed. "While I absolutely detest fisticuffs of any sort, I believe that my superior skill in the martial arts would render your actions most ineffective."

"Well, how can we get past you then?" asked Midnight Twinkle.

"If you can impress me somehow, then perhaps I'll consider allowing you to pass."

So Johnniepear kicked over a tree, but Black Snooty yawned, "How crass!"

Whisperlite tried making big, cute eyes at him, but he snorted, "Oh please, you're so common!"

Fashionface whined, "Oh please please please, let us in! We're so close to our goal, and we've come all this way, and my hooves are sore and my legs are tired, and my eyes have those yucky crusty things in them, and I'm hungry and I'm cold, and I just want to find these Elements and go hoooooome!"

Black Snooty made a disgusted face. "My dear lady, your manners are simply atrocious!"

Sugar Rush made funny faces at him from every angle she could think of, including a few that don't really exist, but he ignored her. Midnight Twinkle even tried to cast some magic at him, but at the last second a bug flew up her nose and all that came out was a puff of smoke and a noise that sounded like a fart.

"Laughable," coughed Black Snooty, polishing his hoof on his cravat. "If only it weren't so pathetic. So, does anypony else have any tricks up their sleeve, or shall we call it a night?"

"I do!" declared Wondercloud. She reared back and launched herself into the sky, and started doing all kinds of somersaults and making the clouds spin. She zoomed over the treetops and shook all the leaves down. She even wrote her name in the sky with a rainbow contrail. The ponies all began cheering, and Black Snooty's monocle popped right out of his eye!

"My word! Such aerial skill! In all my days, I have never seen anything so breathtaking! Please, I must insist that you all go inside. There is one more pony waiting for you, of course, and you will no doubt be unable to impress her so easily, but I am defeated! Enter!"

And he raised the portcullis in front of the gate and bowed deeply as they went inside. Then the gate shut behind them with a huge BOOM and they were in the castle. It was cold and dank and dark, so Midnight Twinkle made a light on her horn.

"That was really cool, Wondercloud," she gasped. "I didn't know you had it in you!"

"Yeah, me neither!" said Wondercloud, feeling a little embarrassed.

"You were really cool, Wondercloud!" exclaimed Sugar Rush excitedly. She wanted to give Wondercloud a big kiss on the lips, but before she could do anything, a giant trap door opened underneath them and they all slid screaming down into the basement!

"Welcome to my dungeon!" called a hideous voice. They all saw a dark purple unicorn, dressed in leather and holding a whip, standing atop a platform in front of a throne. She laughed evilly and declared, "I am Queen Meanie, and your quest for the Elements of Awesomery ends here!"

She cast a spell, and they all found themselves being wrapped up by vines and chains and tentacles! Wondercloud was able to avoid the spell by flying up super fast, but the rest of her friends got caught. Fashionface was tied to a rack, while Midnight Twinkle was chained spread-eagled to a rotating wheel. Sugar Rush had a blindfold over her eyes and was tied facedown to a table, and Johnniepear and Whisperlite both were trussed up and hung from the ceiling with big red balls shoved in their mouths! It was awful!

"What do you think you can do to save them, little pegasus?" crowed Queen Meanie. "I defeated all of your friends easily. One pony is no match for me!"

"That's what you think!" cried Wondercloud. But inside, she was afraid. What could she do against this powerful, evil sorceress? Suddenly, she had the answer. She thought about all the things that her friends had done to help get them through the trials of the Forest. They had all done something really awesome (well, maybe except for Fashionface, who just whined a lot about everything) but it was her, Wondercloud, who had been able to defeat two ponies in a row, just by being cool!

"It all makes sense now!" she smiled. "All this time, my friends have been telling me how cool I am, but I ignored them because I thought they were only trying to be nice to me! But it's true! I really am cool! In fact, I think I might be the coolest pony in all of Ponylandia!"

Suddenly, there was a bright light that shone from inside of Wondercloud. When it faded, she had gotten her cutie mark a second time! Only this time, instead of a rainbow lightning bolt on her flank, she had rainbow lightning bolts everywhere! She looked 120% cooler than she used to, and she could fly faster too, because rainbow lightning bolts make you fly really fast.

Queen Meanie screamed and tried to hit Wondercloud with another spell, but she was faster than magic now! She swooped down and knocked Queen Meanie off her throne and into an iron maiden, which closed on her up to the neck. Screaming, but also making oohing sounds, she screeched, "How can this be? How did you defeat me?"

"It's simple," said Midnight Twinkle. "She harnessed the power of the Elements of Awesomery!"

"What? I did?"

Midnight nodded. "I figured it out just now. The Elements aren't some kind of treasure to be found; they were in all of us the entire time! We just needed to realize it for ourselves!

"Johnniepear, who gave not a single fuck when fighting that awful dragon, represents the Element of... Badassery!"

There was a glow, and Johnnie was freed from the chains that had held her to the ceiling. When the light faded, she was wearing awesome shades and a huge fucking gold necklace with a ginormous bit sign on the end.

"Shee-it," she said, chomping on a fat cigar.

"Whisperlite, whose unending adorableness charmed the pants off a demon, represents the Element... Moe as Fuck!"

Another light, and Whisperlite was freed from the black, gooey tendrils that had held her captive. She was now wearing a bunny costume, and it was too adorable, you really have no fucking idea omg.

"Fashionface, who couldn't fucking shut up for two fucking seconds the entire fucking time, represents the Element of... Whining!"

Fashionface was suddenly free, and wearing a baggy jogging suit. It looked like she might have suddenly put on a few pounds, too, and her hair was all up in curlers. She screamed and fainted.

"Wait," said Wondercloud haltingly, "whining isn't exactly awesome."

"Shut up, okay?" rumbled Midnight Twinkle irritably. "I didn't just make this shit up or anything, this is old magic, dammit. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, Sugar Rush, who confounded that nifforg by breaking every damned law of physics, represents the Element of... Randomness!"

Sugar Rush was freed, then, and she appeared wearing a pair of funny glasses, a fake arrow through her head, and a big red nose. She tweetled on a party tickler and flopped around, wearing big blue swim fins.

"And because I figured all this crap out, I get the Element of Smartypantsitude!" Midnight Twinkle smirked and rose up from the wheel, landing gently on her hooves. She was wearing a big, grey wig, a bushy grey moustache, and really thick, horn-rimmed glasses.

"That's not even a real word!" Wondercloud grumbled.

"Shut up already, I said!"

"Well, then what about me? What's my Element?"

Midnight Twinkle looked at the rest of the ponies. They smiled at her. "Isn't it obvious?" she said.

"Y'all done wowed that Hokey Smokes feller. He's yer biggest fan now, hooves down!"

"You impressed the heck out of that snobbish Black Snooty," mumbled Fashionface, who had woken back up and was trying to get the curlers out of her mane.

"You beat Queen Meanie without so much as batting an eye," Whisperlite added.

"And you look totally freaking sweet!" Sugar Rush yelled, jumping up and down and making floppy noises with her flippers.

Midnight Twinkle nodded. "So your Element is..." All together, they yelled, "120% COOLER!"

Suddenly, Wondercloud was wearing an awesome rainbow helmet that swept to a point in the back, and a cool red lightning-bolt cape and gold wing shoes. Fashionface stuck her tongue out.

"Eew, that's so tacky!"

"Shut up, Miss Tracksuit," yelled Wondercloud, and pulled on some sweet shades out of nowhere. "Deal with it. Let's go kill some aliens!"

"Hah!" barked Queen Meanie, who everpony had forgotten about. "You'll never stop the Badhorsia invasion fleet! My people will swarm down from the skies and rain fire upon your homes! You will never--"

"Can it, lady!" shouted Wondercloud, and she bucked the iron maiden that Queen Meanie was in. It toppled backward and landed in a pool of acid that was also on fire, and then Wondercloud used her Element powers to throw lightning at the burning acid. Queen Meanie exploded. Twice.

They all cheered, and then Wondercloud busted a hole all the way through the roof of the castle and they all took off after her (because the Elements could make them fly). And when they got back to the city, the alien invasion fleet was coming down out of the clouds! Ponies were running and screaming through the streets, and lasers were making explosions that burned their houses down! But then Wondercloud and her friends swooped in, and through the powers of sheer Awesomery, they created a sweet, sweet rainbow beam that destroyed all the flying saucers and sent the aliens packing!

And when it was all over, there was a big parade for them, with Wondercloud at the head. The parade went all through town and ended right at city hall, where Mayor Sexynickers gave a speech.

"Citizens of Ponylandia, I present to you your saviors! Also I need to apologize to Wondercloud and Midnight Twinkle for not believing them about the Elements of Awesomery!"

"But I was the only one who told you about them," objected Midnight Twinkle.

Wondercloud elbowed her in the ribs. "Shut up, already. Rude, much?"

"In honor of our heroes, I must ask -- nay, demand -- that Wondercloud choose one of her friends to kiss, right now, in front of everypony!"

Wondercloud turned bright red. "R-really? But who?"

"It should be me!" whined Fashionface. "After all, I am the prettiest pony in Ponylandia!"

"Yeah," grumbled Wondercloud, "but you're also really whiny and kind of a bitch. No offense."

Fashionface gasped. "Well, if not me, then who?"

Wondercloud considered. Midnight Twinkle was really irritating. Johnnie was too... manly. And she'd never really heard Whisperlite say anything before today.

But wait, she didn't have to think so hard after all! There was only one answer. It should have been obvious from the start.

"It would have to be my bestest friend ever in the whole wide world," Wondercloud cried, her eyes filling with tears. "The pony who was there with me every step of the way, to cheer me on and encourage me and believe in me, even when I didn't. Sugar Rush, would you do me the honor of this kiss?"

Sugar Rush's face turned from pink to bright red. "Oh yes, Wondercloud! I love you so much!" She wrapped her hooves around Wondercloud and they kissed, tenderly. The crowd cheered. And then Sugar Rush tackled Wondercloud and they started making out.

It was hot.

THE END

"It... was... hot. There!"

Pinkie Pie hit 'save', smiling in self-satisfaction. As she savored that last scene, the glow from the computer monitor illuminated bright red spots on her cheeks. It was a masterpiece. If Rainbow Dash saw this, she would certainly be cheered up, no matter how bad she was feeling. Not that Pinkie would ever show her, of course...

She closed her eyes, thoughts turning to her friend. Rainbow Dash had been so... un-Dash-like lately, moping around and complaining that she was no good at anything, for no reason at all. It tore at Pinkie's heart to see her so sad. Rainbow meant so much more to her than just a friend. She'd tried throwing Rainbow Dash a party, but when that hadn't helped, she'd been at a total loss. Writing was the only way to work through those feelings. There was just no way that she was ever going to show it to...

"Hi, Pinkie Pie."

"AAAAAGH! RAINBOW DASH!" Pinkie, in a single motion, hit the power button on her monitor and spun her chair around until she was nose-to-upside-down-nose with her friend.

"Don't scare me like that, Rainbow Dash!"

The rainbow-maned pegasus laughed softly. "Sorry, Pinkie. What were ya doin'? Not writing creepy slash fiction about your friends again, I hope?"

"No, Dashie, of course not!" She giggled and put on her best 'I wasn't doing anything' grin. "I learned my lesson last time, remember?"

Rainbow Dash stuck out her tongue. "Ugh, I'd rather not think about it. Anyway, well..." She grew quiet, rubbing her hooves together nervously. "There was no one downstairs, so I let myself in, I hope that's okay. I just... Well, I made you something."

Pinkie Pie's smile relaxed. She took a deep breath. "You did?"

"Yeah, some, uh... cupcakes."

Pinkie's face split into a huge grin. "Rainbow Dash, you made me cupcakes?"

"Well, Applejack helped," she said quickly. "The muffins didn't go so well, you see, and..."

Pinkie threw her hooves around her friend. "That's so sweet, Rainbow Dash! Nopony ever makes me things like that!"

Rainbow blushed deeply. "And I thought, maybe, we could talk for a while too."

Now Pinkie was just a little worried. Baked goods, from Rainbow Dash, and a 'talk'? She swallowed the sudden rise of fear, replacing it with something from deeper inside herself.

"Okie-dokie. And afterwards, maybe I can show you something too, okay?"

Rainbow Dash nodded. "Well, hey," she said with a slightly nervous laugh, "those cupcakes aren't gonna eat themselves! Let's go!"

Pinkie smiled. "Okay, Rainbow Dash, lead on!" She smiled as she watched her friend trot back downstairs, and wiped at her eyes.

"Thank you."

Author's Note

This began as a loveletter to the brony fandom, parodying the show, satirizing fanfic, and all around just having fun at the expense of my readers. But like all fics, it has become so much more than that.

I'd like to thank all the writers who have crafted the random and comedic fics that this piece draws from. You know who you are and you should be ashamed of yourselves. If you think you recognize a line in this from something else, it's no doubt because it was meant as homage.

I'll also thank my dear Primary Source for assisting me with tightening up a lot of the humor in this. You always have good ideas.

If you'd like to see Rainbow Dash trying to make cupcakes for Pinkie, check out Honestly. It will be required reading for the sequel!

The Further Adventures of Wondercloud and Sugar Rush

The Further Adventures of Wondercloud and Sugar Rush
by PartyPartyParty99

It was a bright and sunny day in Pony City, like it usually was. The clouds were singing, the birds were shining, and the flowers were doing whatever the fuck it is flowers do (that is, plotting; always plotting).

Sugar Rush was happily puttering about her home, hanging up streamers, playing a bunch of records, and baking an entire buttload and a half of cupcakes. It was a very important day for her. She looked up at the banner she had just stretched over the kitchen door and smiled.

"Happy birthday, Wondercloud!" she said, reading the banner, and then she sighed dreamily because the night was almost upon them. The night when Sugar Rush would give her closest friend, her most dearest soulmate, the greatest gift one pony could ever give another.

"Ohh, Cloudie," she whispered to herself, closing the eyes and stroking the banner's edge. Her tongue stuck out as she imagined what their night would be like. Slowly, one of her hooves stroked down her side, and she pretended it was Wondercloud, ready to take those first steps down the final path toward the last milestone left in their relationship.

"Oh, Sugar~" breathed pretend-Wondercloud, her image surrounded by colored lights and shoujou sparkles.

Suddenly, the air was split by the sound of a spaceship crashing into the Everlame Forest, and Sugar Rush popped out of her trance like a cork from a champagne bottle. She knew what a spaceship crash sounded like because spaceship crashes have a certain timbre that differentiates them from your standard wagon, airship, or blue horse bird crash. Also, the Everlame Forest hadn't yet grown back from being massively chopped into during the last story, though it was really tryin', so there wasn't a whole lot to cushion the blow.

Opening her front door, Sugar Rush saw ponies screaming and running everywhere, as they tended to when things crashed in the forest, monsters appeared in town, or the grocery store ran out of milk. Already, she saw two of her fellow Elements of Awesomery dashing off toward the Everlame Forest.

"C'mon, Sugar!" said Wondercloud, who was suddenly hovering nearby. She was clad in full regalia, looking resplendent in her rainbow-striped cape and awesome wing booties. "Get your Element on, we gotta go investigate!"

Sugar Rush serioused the fuck up. "Right, Cloudie! I'll be there in three shakes of a jiffy!"

"Wut d'y'all done think it is gone bellywallopin' out in this here forest now?" Johnniepear asked gaspfully as they charged into the dark and stupid forest. "D'ya done think it's that thar Badhorsia agin?"

Fashionface, in her gold chains and grill and afro and hair pick, snorted. "They's dumber than they look, comin' back for smackdown round two!"

"You said it, Fashionface," Wondercloud grinned, saying. Fashionface was definitely awesomer ever since she had become the Element of Bitchiness (see "The Adventures of Wondercloud and Sugar Rush", true believers!), which meant that Wondercloud ended up agreeing with her a lot more than she used to.

"There's no proof that there even are aliens from other planets besides Badhorsia," Midnight Twinkle groused, but no one paid her any attention because they were too busy noticing that Wisperlite was saying nothing at the moment.

They quickly stumbled upon the crash site (literally! Sugar Rush knocked Fashionface over after she tripped and crashed into her), which looked like a big brown scar! All the plants and trees had been ripped up and scattered everywhere, but that was okay, because seriously, fuck this place. The good news was, it made it easy for them to find the ship. Wondercloud took the lead and leadeded them leadfully down the yellow-brick road to happiness that was more like a brown-dirt path toward possible extermination of, by or for aliens.

The spaceship in question stuck out of the ground at an angle. It was roundy-round and had a triangular fin sticking up in the back, which was how they could tell that part was the back. There were some really cool sci-fi-looking engines underneath the tailfin and a bunch of letters in a strange language etched all over the shiny dark black surface that was covered in mud. Except the surface wasn't completely black; it actually had stripes and they were gunmetal grey, which is the awesomest color ever invented.

The six pony friends crept carefully around the ship's perimeter, watching for hostile occupants. They were totally surprised when they came to the cockpit I MEAN THE WINDSHIELD and it was open! And there was nopony inside!! And then behind them somepony spoke!!!

"Klatu barrada nikto!" said the strange voice in its strange accent.

They whirled around, getting dizzy because they were moving at Elemental speeds now, and saw a tall figure in a black and grey striped spacesuit looking at them. It wore a dark black helmet that looked like a fishbowl filled with ink.

They got another surprise as part of the helmet lifted (it was a visor, but you couldn't really see it because it was all futuristic and roboty like Draft Punk) and a smiling face appeared! It was a grey face with black stripes, the exact opposite of how the suit and the spaceship looked. Its mouth opened and did not reveal lots of sharp pointy teeth, just a funny voice that spoke a weird language.

"Klatu barrada nikto!" the alien repeated, now sounding clearer because her helmet was off. Oh yeah, she obviously had a girl voice.

"And we to you," Midnight Twinkle said, nodding. She was then shoved aside by Wondercloud.

"Hey, I'm the leader here, I'll talk to the alien." Wondercloud stepped forward and swung her hoof around in a circle slowly. "We come in peace," she said, loudly. "We mean you no harm! Take us to your leader!"

The alien laughed and said, "Needle-nydle-noo; ticky-tacky too."

"Oh," said Wondercloud. She dropped her hoof and looked slightly embarrassed. "Yeah, that is what you're supposed to say. Well, welcome to Ponylandia, Zerrific. It's great to meet you!"

Wondercloud's friends chorused a round of agreement. Except Sugar Rush. She kept looking back and forth between Wondercloud, the rest of her friends, and this Zerrific character.

"Waitasec," she said, scratching her head with a tuna, "you can understand all that gobbledy-jiggery coming out of her mouth?"

"Suga', please," said Fashionface with a snap-snap, "don't go gettin' all up in her grill! 'S rude!"

"Yes, Sugar," Whisperlite added in her most quietest voice that was actually audible to pony ears, "you have to be careful or you might start an intergalactic war."

Sugar Rush fell back onto her flipper-bedecked haunches, mouth open and staring as Wondercloud continued what was, to her, a one-sided conversation.

"You say your planet's under attack by Badhorsia?" She lifted into the air, pumping her hoof mightily. "So you came here to get some help from the ponies who gave Badhorsia a good whooping once already, is that it?"

"Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey!"

"No? What do you mean, 'powerful ancient object'?"

Zerrific make a sweeping motion with her hoof. "Zimba-zoomba, timon-poomba!"

"Whoa, slow down!" Wondercloud held up both of her hooves, zipping backward a little. "Hey Twinkle, you got a notepad or something to get this all down?"

"Of course," Midnight said, rolling her eyes and producing a magic scroll with auto-quill. "What do you take me for, seriously?"

Wondercloud ignored her as Zerrific began telling her story.

"Tingle-tingle, kooloo-limpah!"

The alien waved her hooves and made expressions ranging from deadly serious to heartbreakingly pitiful. But through it all, Sugar Rush just crossed her hooves and frowned. She didn't understand any of it. And when her friends acted like they did, it just made her feel bad. Her frown grew worse as they all nodded, following along with the story.

"Uh-huh," said Midnight Twinkle, "so your planet was attacked by Badhorsia?"

"And I bet you need a group of seasoned Badhorsia flank-kickers to help you, huh?" Wondercloud swooped in close to Zerrific, who shook her head and explained.

"Pango-pango, mingo-mango!"

"Ohh, ya already done kicked their keesters?" Johnniepear asked, scratching her head. "Whaddaya need with us'ns'all then?"

"Herpa derp derp!"

Whisperlite mumbled for a full minute, explaining precisely nothing to Sugar Rush.

"Bingo boingo, buppo bloppo!"

"And that's why you need us to help you find it!" Wondercloud slapped one hoof against the other. "Well, that sounds like a pretty done dealio to me. What do you think, girls? Should we help her out?"

Four pony heads nodded in agreement, but one far pinker pony head nodded in disagreement, which means Sugar Rush was shaking her head.

"Great!" Wondercloud grinned and turned to the alien. "That settles it, Zerrific. We'll help you find your thingy and save your planet!" She held out her hoof, but Zerrific only looked at it in confusion.

"It's called a 'brohoof'," Wondercloud explained as her eyes rolled. They were always doing things on their own like that; she really had no control over them. "You just tap my hoof with yours, it's easy!"

Zerrific kept looking at her incredulousousously, but shrugged and did as she'd been told. Off in the distance, there was a loud BANG and a cloud of feathers.

"Sweet."

"So how do we get to where we need to go?" Midnight Twinkle asked, totally spoiling the awesome moment with her nerdery.

"Hullabaloo! Zaboomafoo!" said Zerrific, diving into her spaceship. She emerged a few moments later with a small green cube. It was covered in holograms and coordinates and stuff. Zerrific poked a bit of it and there were a bunch of sci-fi lines and lights and swirls that lit up, and pretty soon, there was one big red dot in the middle of that was blinking.

"Okay, that settles it then!" Wondercloud declared in her most declarative voice. "We're going to That-There Island! Now that we're done with all of this boring setup, let's get to the good part! The island is completely unreachable, which means we need...

"A DRAGON!"

And so while Zerrific worked on repairing her ship, they set off to find a dragon so they could make the journey to That-There Island. (Don't ask how they were doing this, I really haven't figured it out.) A dragon wouldn't be enough to carry all of them, of course, but luckily Wondercloud knew about one who lived on Flying Things Mountain, so that was where they went.

The trip from Pony City to Flying Things Mountain was actually pretty boring, although Wondercloud kept noticing that Sugar Rush was being all mopey and stuff (she noticed because she's the best fillyfriend ever and also the most sensitive pony in Ponylandia), but every time she asked what was up, Sugar said "Nothing" so she just kind of had to deal with Little Miss Mopeypants all day. Eventually, they got to the mountain place.

"All right!" said Wondercloud, looking at the mountain path. "I think we're about to start this adventure off with... adventure!"

"Whoo-ee!" cried Johnniepear. "It's like adventure-ception!"

"Ugh!" Midnight Twinkle ughed. "That's not what 'inception' means!"

"It looks scary," Whisperlite said quietly.

"Yo dawg," Fashionface yodawged, "you ain't gotta be afraid, we's gonna clizzle the hizzle."

"Oh great," Sugar Rush moaned to nopony in particular, "now I can't understand Fashionface either!"

Suddenly there was a sudden crash of thunder and a big cloud of smoke popped up and out stepped a big mountain troll!

"Halt!" it yelled in a voice that shook the mountain. "You trespass upon my mountainside! I'll eat you if you don't run and hide!"

Wondercloud flew up to look the troll in his big ugly eyes. "Hey, lumpo, get outta our way! We need to climb this mountain and find the dragon at the top!"

"The dragon you seek is here indeed," the troll said, and leaned on his club, which was big enough to smash fifty ponies into pulp at once. "But first you must answer my riddles three'd."

Wondercloud looked at Johnniepear. Johnnie looked back at Wondercloud.

"Nope!" they said together and punched the troll in his jaw. Despite being huge and made of muscles made out of muscles, it fell with a thud that sounded and then sounded again across the plains and fields and yadda yadda.

Johnnie and Wondercloud did a cool hoof-bump and then they continued up the mountain. As the ponies passed by the troll, Fashionface stopped and shouted, "You just got KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT!" and then she farted on it.

The pathway twisted up and up and around and around the mountain. It was full of rocks and also more rocks because not much else grows on mountains. They had to fight a harpy, which is a big bird thing that plays a stringed instrument, and then they found the mouth of a cave.

"I-is this the d-dragon's c-c-cave?" Whisperlite stuttered, hiding behind Johnniepear.

"Hmm," Wondercloud thought, only with more speaking aloud, while stroking her imaginary beard. (It was blue.) "Nahh."

The walls of the cave lurked in darkness, but there was light on the other side of the cave, so it was more like a tunnel, but obviously it was the way they all had to go. Also it was full of random crap.

"Whoa doggy nelly in the hootenanny," Johnniepear hootenannied, "this cave sure is full o' wacky thingamabobs and doodlyplunketts!"

"Wow yeah, this is neat!" Sugar Rush held up a nifty old lamp. It was all banged up and tarnished and junk. The moment she did, out popped an evil genie! You could tell he was evil because he had fangs and horns.

"Who dares disturb the Genie of the Cave of Wonders?" it bellowed.

"Sheeit," Fashionface said, "you think this mess is wonders? Homey, step off."

The genie surged out toward Fashionface, who stood her ground. It said, "You dare insult my cavern and the wonders contained therein?"

"Uhh, look around you, genius," Wondercloud said with her hooves on her hips (although her mouth did the talking). "This place is full of banged-up garbage, not wonders! Even your lamp is a piece of junk!"

The genie looked to the left. Then he looked to the right. Then he started looking a good bit less evil and ticked off.

"Well bugger," he said, and crossed his arms, "that's another fine mess they've gotten me into." He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose between his finger and thumb, whatever those are. "You'd think it wouldn't be hard to tell the Cave of Wonders from the Cave of Beat-Up Trash, but nooooo!"

"So you're not gonna like, destroy us mercilessly or anything, then, are you?" Sugar Rush asked, because she was nervous about still holding the lamp.

"Nah," the genie said and shook his head. "But I'm not granting you any wishes either. I'm just a little put out right at the moment. It's not a good mental state for wish granting."

"Seriously?" Fashin'fash clucked her tongue. "C'mon, you can't hardly call yourself a mofuggin' genie if you ain't even grant one wish."

"Don't wanna."

Fashionface glared at the genie. "Bitch, I will cut you."

The genie threw his hands up. "Ugh, fine, if you'll leave me alone, then whatever. But just one!"

"We're looking for ways to get to That-There Island," Wondercloud explained. "Sugar and I are gonna go grab the dragon at the top of this mountain, but my friends need some flight stuff too."

The genie burped a gout of flame. "Okay, whatever. HOOJAMABOO!"

He clapped his hands together and there was a flash of light. After it cleared, there were suddenly a pair of filmy, transparent wings on Fashionface's back!

"There you go," said the genie. "They're made of moth spit and fairy farts, so be careful with them, okay?"

"What about the rest of us?" Johnniepear asked.

The genie rolled his eyes. "Pssh, whatevs. I'm gettin' outta here. You can find some actual working crap under all this junk that'll get you where you need to go, but good luck digging!"

And with an evil cackle, he turned himself inside out and was gone, vanished back to the Cave of Wonders or maybe whatever travel service had stuck him in the wrong cave to begin with.

Wondercloud looked at her friends and shrugged. "I guess we'll head up and try to tame the dragon. If you get done first, come meet us, okay?" And then she left with Sugar Rush.

"Aww yeah," Fashionface crowed, looking at her wings and floating around and stuff, "dis be tha shizz!"

"Shut up and dig," Midnight Twinkle grumbled.

Outside the cave, the wind howled and groaned and generally played death metal as they climbed the side of the mountain. Wondercloud had noticed that Sugar Rush seemed more like her bouncy self, and had been thinking about asking her what was up earlier, but decided it would be a better idea not to bring it up and maybe ruin her good mood. So they kept climbing and climbing and it got colder and colder. They had to fend off marauding snowflakes, not to mention a giant ice sloth, but finally they were at the final level. I mean cave.

It was a big cave, way higher than the one they'd left their friends in. It was all jaggedy and stuff and looked like a big scary toothy mouth from the outside. The inside was totally dark and stuff. But most of all, it reeked. There was a perceptible (that means you could see it) cloud of horrid stank funk surrounding the cave, and they were both ready to turn back.

"What should we do?" Sugar Rush asked, holding her nose shut so it sounded more like "Wub shub ee boo?"

Somewhere out in the ocean, a green head cleared the waves and cocked to the side, sticking an ear up.

"Wub shubby boo?" it said. "That's not how it goes."

And then, with the flick of a fluked tail, it vanished beneath the surface once again, leaving behind only ripples.

"Waig hib ubb," Wondercloud replied to Sugar Rush back in the actual scene, holding her nose. She took a deep breath and her eyes watered because she could taste the awful reeking vapors, but then she let it all out and turned about with a huge shout:

"HEY DRAGON! WAKE THE FUCK UP AND GET OUT HERE!"

For a moment, everything was silent save for the echoing of her shout across the mountain reaches and hills and dales, etc. etc.. Then there was a loud roar from inside the cave. The ground shook and the two ponies clung to each other.

"Hey wait," Wondercloud said, brushing Sugar off. "I almost forgot, too awesome to be scared." Sugar Rush got tiny little hearts in her eyes.

Then the dragon appeared.

It was big and red, and big and mean, and big and scaly, and big and having very sizeable teeth. It glared down at them with eyes like daggers that were on fire. It snorted smoke from its nostrils and would also have shot lasers out of them if it had bought that feat. It clenched one of its mighty clawed fists and growled at them.

"Who dares disturb my slumber?"

"We do!" Wondercloud shouted.

Sugar Rush, trying to be brave, added, "You have bad breath!"

The dragon roared and coated them in a new layer of awful dragon-funk. It seriously made their manes wilt and stuff.

"I should eat you both up!"

"Nuh-uh!" Wondercloud said.

"Yeah-huh!"

"Nuh-uh! Because we're totally gonna ride you to That-There Island!"

The dragon began laughing and roaring all at the same time. "Ride me, really? What are you going to do? Pinch me if I don't cooperate?" The enormous red dragon fell on his back, laughing a whole lot. "You are but two tiny ponies. I could gobble you both up in a single mouthful!"

"I'd like to see you try!" Wondercloud shouted, putting up her pony dukes.

"Cloudie, don't antagonize him," Sugar Rush panted, squeaking a little out of fear.

"Your friend is smarter than she looks," the dragon chuckled. Then, with one swift motion, he plucked Wondercloud out of the air and held her up to his mouth. She struggled and shouted but she couldn't get loose!

Sugar Rush began to panic. Her bestest fillyfriend in the whole wide world was two seconds away from getting chomped to death! What could she do? There weren't any rocks around to throw, not that that would do enough damage to a dragon that big anyway. She squeezed her eyes shut.

Think, Sugar Rush, think!

"Do not taunt dragons," the dragon said, licking his lips, "for you are crunchy and taste good with--"

"Fush yu mang."

Sugar's words were so quiet that at first, neither of the other two were certain she had spoken. Even she wasn't certain she'd said them. They had just come in a burst of inspiration.

"What was that?" growled the dragon, and he trembled slightly.

Sugar Rush shrank back, then she scrunched her face up cutely in anger and took a step forward. "I said, fush yu mang!"

The dragon gasped. He dropped Wondercloud, who recovered with panache and a little mint jelly. The smoke coming out of his nose ceased its movement and retreated back into his scaly nostrils.

"Those are the Ancient Words of the Dragon King!" The dragon's eyes went wide and his ears pinned back along his head as he took a step back from Sugar Rush. "The Sacred Rites of Simon, whom all dragons must obey! But how could a mere pony--"

"FUSH YU MANG!"

Waves of pink power surged out from Sugar's mouth and the mountaintop became flush with rainbows that were just different shades of pink. There was lots of lightning and explosions, too. The dragon howled in fury, but he was pushed back into his cave, the scales on his face searing from the mystic power emanating from the pony's shout. Wondercloud sat up, rubbing her head, and cheered when she saw Sugar Rush standing here, chest thrust forward proudly as she stared the dragon down.

"Now," she said, her voice loud with volume, "are you gonna take us to That-There Island, or do I hafta say it again?"

The dragon gulped.

"Hey, you actually made it!"

The five friends had all met up in the air overhead Flying Things Mountain. Fashionface and Midnight Twinkle were sitting atop a large square of carpeting that was hovering with no apparent mode of support. Whisperlite was flying in a helicopter, and Wondercloud and Sugar Rush rode on the back of the dragon.

"His name's Skytaint!" Sugar Rush declared exclamationally.

"What happened to Fashionface's wings?" Wondercloud asked, giving her a look like a mom who just knew the vase was going to get broken while she was over at Uncle Steve's, even though she said not to break it, but it was Timmy's fault not mine, I swear and anywhere where was I going with this. Oh yeah.

"They broke and died," Midnight Twinkle said with a snicker. Fashionface punched her and she went, "Ow!"

"And where's Johnniepear?" Wondercloud shouted, because Whisperlite had turned up the throttle and now it was hard to hear.

"She said she'd meet us there!" Midnight Twinkle shouted back. "C'mon, quit stalling, let's get going!"

Their recs thusly connoitered, the five ponies all turned towards the setting sun and sped on for That-There Island. Something was nagging at the back of Wondercloud's mind, though, and she turned to her marefriend, who was busy enjoying the view of being high up above the ground.

"Hey Sugar?"

"Yeah, Cloudie?"

"You gotta tell me: how in the crap did you learn the ancient rites of the dragon king or whatever that junk was?"

Sugar Rush shrugged. "It was on the back of a box of King Simon-O's I had for breakfast one day! The fucker totally sold out centuries ago."

The flight to the island was pretty uneventful, minus a flock of wastrels that got gummed up in the blades of Whisperlite's helicopter. It didn't take them long to clean, thanks to Skytaint's fire breath, and soon they were on their way again.

It was nightfall when they made landfall, or should I say islandfall, nearby a waterfall.

"Just call should you need me again, Master," Skytaint said, bowing to Sugar Rush. Then he flew off to do whatever it is dragons do when no one's watching.

Sugar Rush waved at him and then gasped in excitement. "Oh holy wow! I've never seen the ocean before! I mean, we just flew over it and stuff, but it was more plot-expedient to lump our reactions to it in this scene."

"I like it," Whisperlite said cutely.

"Wow," said Fashionface, "this ocean be illin', y'all."

"Plebs," Midnight Twinkle groused.

"Sho' golly nelly in the fritter it is, I reckon," said a familiar voice coming from behind a tree.

"Johnnie!" Wondercloud slapped her flank and called herself a horny toad. "How in the butts did you get here?"

Johnniepear snorted and spat on the sand. It was really nice white sand. "Ah done diddly dang got tired o' waitin', so's I jumped."

Wondercloud clapped her on the shoulder. "You really are badass."

Suddenly, there was a loud, loud voice booming from o'er the cliffs!

"WHO DARES ENTER MY ISLAND WITHOUT MINE PERMISSION? SPEAK NOW OR BE CURS-ED FOR EVERMORE!" He totally said "curs-ed" like that, with two syllables.

The ponies formed up into a rank, and filed the challenger down.

"I am Wondercloud Lightningbolt," said Lightningbolt, Wondercloud J. "I'm the Element of 120% Cooler and together we are--"

The six ponies slapped their front hooves together, stood and turned on one hoof so they were facing away from the voice. This showed off their cool matching hoodies, each of which had their element embroidered on the back. (Fashionface made them after the last story.)

"THE ELEMENTS OF AWESOMERY!" The ponies said that all together, and then Wondercloud said, "We're here to help our friend Zerrific save her homeworld from Badhorsia!"

"Hmm, hm, hm," said the same voice, though it was way quieter now. Coming down out of the hills was a pony who looked to be more hair than pony. He was just sort of a wizened face sticking out of an enormous puff of white fuzz. "One thousand years have I lived, and never did I think I would see the Elements of Awesomery again. Yet your sweet choreography has convinced me you are who you claim to be."

Wondercloud smirked at Midnight Twinkle, who rolled her eyes in disgust and said nothing.

"Heed me, Elements!" All the ponies turned to look at the old-type pony, who regarded them with bedrheumy eyes. "I am Beardy Beard the Beardful!"

"Coulda fooled me!" Sugar Rush said.

"I am the oldest pony what you have ever met! I am so old, I'm older than dirt's grandfather. So what I have to say, you know that it's true!"

"Tell us, o great and beardful beard-type pony!" Wondercloud said.

Beardy Beard rolled his eyes. "I would if you'd just shut up!" He cleared his throat. "I know of your friend Zerrific and the plight of her homeworld. I know what she requires to save it!"

"Ooh, ooh, pick me!" Sugar Rush cried, holding her hoof in the air and waving it around.

Beardy Beard frowned. "Yes, what is it?"

"How do you know that?"

"The waters of the world bring all information to me," he replied with a sigh.

Whisperlite raised her hoof next.

"You too? Fine, what do you want to know?"

"Um, sir, excuse me for asking this, but, like... If you know how to save her world, why haven't you done it?"

Beardy Beard facehoofed. "What part of 'older than dirt's grandfather' didn't you nimrods understand? I swear, they don't make Elements of Awesomery like they used to. I'm too rickety and decrepit to go adventuring, you yellow ninny!"

Whisperlite's eyes got really huge and watery, and Wondercloud stepped in front of her. "Hey, lay off, it was just a question."

"Fine, fine, I'm sorry and stuff. Can I please finish explaining what you need to do now?"

Whisperlite sucked the tears back up into her eyeballs with a slurping noise, and nodded.

"Good. Thank you." Beardy Beard cleared his throat. "Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the Magical MacGuffin. That's what you'll need to find in order to save Zerrific. And to find the MacGuffin, you'll have to brave challenges the likes and dislikes of which you've never faced! You must journey to the Coral Cave, which is on an island that has no name and appears on no map!"

Beardy Beard then produced a map from his beard. "Except this one, of course."

He held it out and Wondercloud took it, unrolling it and looking at it while her friends looked over her shoulder. Beardy Beard got really close to them and whispered, "The trick is, the map's not real, you see.

"Anyway, go there, face the challenges, and you'll have your reward. But be warned! Many have attempted to brave the Coral Cave, and few have ever returned!"

"We can do it!" Wondercloud said with determination in her eyes and also voice.

"You can bet yer coyotes on it!" Johnniepear agreed.

"Good!" Beardy Beard grinned. "You can all crash at my place overnight and rest up after your journey here. Your adventure begins on the morrow!"

That night, Wondercloud and Sugar Rush shared a bed (naughty!). Sugar had seemed so cheerful ever since they tamed Skytaint, but after talking with Beardy Beard, Wondercloud noticed that she'd gotten mopey again.

"Hey, poopy-pants," she said quietly as she slid into bed next to Sugar, "what's the matter?"

"Mmnothing," Sugar Rush said, and turned over so she wasn't facing Wondercloud anymore.

"C'mon, it's not nothing. You've been mumping and grumping all dang day."

"It's not important." Sugar Rush squeezed her eyes shut. "I'd rather focus on helping Zerrific first."

Wondercloud wrapped her legs around Sugar Rush and hugged her gently. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

Sugar Rush responded in a really tiny voice, "I know."

"Okay. I won't pry anymore, but don't put off telling me for too long, okay? I don't want my best marefriend in the world being all sad and stuff."

"Okay."

Sugar Rush went to sleep with a big smile on her face.

The Coral Cave stood before them the next day as they stood on the island, standing on mud that was making Fashionface complain about grossness. It was big and pink and triangular and had a little round stone that jutted out of the top, and there were a bunch of trees and bushes all around and on top of it. Unfortunately, it was also blocked by some bigass doors.

"Well, poopy-shoot," Wondercloud said. "Anypony know how to get through bigass magical doors?"

Sugar Rush snickered. "You said 'poop chute'!"

"As a matter of fact," Midnight Twinkle said smartly, "I just read a book about bigass magical doors recently, and I recognize this kind."

"Do ya know how to open 'em with that there big brain o' yournens?" Johnniepear asked with grumpy arms.

"I sure do!" Midnight's smile got wider. "They'll only open with copious the application of a special magical component!"

"Which iiiiis?" Fashionface asked, and they all leaned in.

Midnight Twinkle was enjoying this. She drew herself up in markers to a larger height, closed her eyes, and primly declared, "Wonderflonium!"

"What in the double-dipped horn-tootin' hay is wonderflonium?" Johnniepear asked scratching-her-headly.

"It's a powerful but rare substance," Midnight said, eager to show off her big smart brain. "It's so rare that most ponies consider it a myth. But it's the only thing that will open this door, and we don't have any!"

"Where in Ponylandia are we supposed to get copious amounts of it, then?" questioned Fashionface.

Sugar Rush at this point noticed that Wondercloud seemed very uncomfortable.

"What's wrong, Cloudie?" she asked, drawing everypony's attention to their friend's growing embarrassment, thus making the entire situation even more embarrassing for her.

"Oh geez." Wondercloud rubbed the back of her neck. "I dunno how to say this, but... Tell me again why you need my poop."

Eyes dropped. Jaws boggled. Everypony was totally floored by what Wondercloud had just said, except Whisperlite, who had sort of fallen asleep standing up. She was chill that way.

"You're gonna hafta gainsay that thar sayin' again, I reckon," Johnniepear suggested.

Now it was Wondercloud's turn to be confused, and she scratched her mane in that very same confusion.

"Wait, are you guys saying you don't shit wonderflonium and fart coolium? Because I've been doing that since I became the Element of 120% Cooler. It's why I keep having to replace my toilet; damn things can't handle being nuked twice a day. And don't even get me started on the half-life of my puke."

Wondercloud's toilet, as it turned out, was constructed primarily of porcirruslain, which was floaty and thus perfect for houses made out of clouds. A proper cloud toilet relies on atmospheric principles like the Coriolanus Effect to banish excrement to Who Knows Where (which is totally a place; it stinks), and keeps itself clean with the accumulated rainwater in the house's structure. These principals are balanced just right so that even the most pooptastic of pegasi needn't worry about dehydrating their walls. It's very delicate, sciency business.

Unfortunately, porcirruslain, as everypony knows, is extremely brittle. Fat birdponies are known for needing new potties once or twice a year, so it was no wonder that an element as volatile and heavy as wonderflonium would cause Wondercloud to need to replace her port-a-pot regularly. She was, in fact, heavily in debt to the local plumbing supply store in Pony City, and had become quite knowledgeable in all things plumbing-related as a consequence.

She'd even been working with Mr. Pipes to develop something a little more sturdy, that would be able to stand up to the puke-lear aftermath of late-night pony partying, but still be light enough to sit comfortably in her house. It took up a lot of Wondercloud's time when she wasn't hanging out with her friends or attending Sugar Rush's parties or kicking marauding Dirt Dingoes in the teeth, which happened more often than you might imagine. She had been really close to a breakthrough, too, when this whole Zerrific business had cropped up.

(And now you know way more about pony toilets than you probably ever wanted to. This aside brought to you by Diminutive Cloudie Mine®, the most popularest pony story on the ponynets!)

Wondercloud shrugged. "But I just figured it was a side-effect of the whole Elements of Awesomery thing. Don't tell me nothing like that has happened to any of you!"

She held her hooves out pleadingly, but the blank stares on her friends' faces told her all she needed to know. She sighed. "So you need a bunch of my crap. Great. And me without my pooper scooper."

Sugar Rush's face lit up. "I have one!" she cried, then reached into her mane, felt around a little, and pulled out a scoop that would fulfill just that purpose. "Here you go!"

Wondercloud knew better than to question anything Sugar did. Dejectedly, she turned and flapped into the foliage.

"We never speak of this again," Wondercloud said as they entered the Coral Cave. After applying her chocolate-frosted wonderflonium bombs to the doorway, it had turned into a kind of curtain, and they had been able to push their way in.

It was dark inside the cave, so Midnight Twinkle and Fashionface had to provide hornpony light with their horns. The walls were deep pink and wet and slippery. In fact, it was hard for the ponies to keep their footing sometimes, and they were continually sliding into each other, which only Sugar Rush really enjoyed.

The cave got narrower and narrower as they pressed ahead. Eventually, they saw a signpost stuck in the ground that said "Love Tunnel". The tunnel so named was just wide enough for two ponies to squeeze in side by side.

"All right," Wondercloud said, "pair off! Sugar's with me, of course."

"Yay!"

They went in two by two, and as soon as they were in, the lights went out. There was a light way, way down at the other end, but it was still dark like a butt.

"H-hey!" Sugar cried. "What gives, you two? Make with the lighty-doodles again already!"

There wasn't any response. Sugar Rush and Wondercloud kept bumping into each other inside the tunnel. All they could hear was hoofsteps in the squishy ground and the sound of two ponies making out furiously.

"W-we'll be okay," Midnight Twinkle said from the dark, her voice uncharacteristically nervous.

"Um," said Whisperlite, "that is, if Johnnie and Fashionface would move their big, uh, severely appealing butts."

Johnniepear and Fashionface said nothing, although the makeout noises intensified. They came from in between the other two pairs.

"Ugh," Wondercloud grunted, "I can't turn around to see what's happening. I can't even spread my wings in here! Let's get out while we still can! Just push them, okay?"

With much pushing, grunting, sloppy kissing, and getting grossed out by the other noises nearby, they finally splooched out the end of the tunnel. Wondercloud spread her wings immediately upon exiting and took to the air, thankful for the extra space. Sugar Rush pulled a comb out of her mane and tried to get all the goop out of it. Midnight Twinkle and Whisperlite were holding hooves and blushing.

"W-we did it," Whisperlite said, pulling her hoof away.

"Y-yeah," Midnight Twinkle said, feeling tsundere as fuck and looking away from Whisperlite. "Together."

Johnniepear and Fashionface had come out in a tangle of hooves and smooching. In fact, if not for their sudden departure from the tunnel at that moment, they probably would have been bucking like funnies, if you get my drift. (And if you do, please mail it back to me; I'm just a single pony and drifting is hard!) The moment daylight hit them though, they blinked, stopped what they were doing, and then tried really, really hard to pretend like nothing had happened. There was a lot of kicking at the dirt and whistling tunelessly.

"What's wrong with you guys?" Wondercloud demanded. "Ugh, I swear, no more love tunnels. Ever."

The cave they were in was big and round, and lit from somewhere within so they didn't have to worry about seeing. The ceiling was really high and covered with something dark and hard to see. Wondercloud flew up to investigate, but Sugar Rush waved her hooves frantically.

"Look out!!!" she exclaimed pointedly. "They're chocoponies!"

Suddenly, the ceiling came to life as hundreds of grey and black ponies detached from it and flapped their leathery bat wings. They made a screeching noise that was absolutely unbearable, and since none of our heroes were bears, they all had to cover their ears with their hooves. Wondercloud flew away from the chocoponies, who started spitting steaming brown projectiles at her.

"This is too much poop for one day!" she shouted.

"It's not poop," Sugar explained, dodging the not-poop coming her way, "it's chocolocation!"

"I've never heard anything sillier," huffed Midnight Twinkle huffily.

"Well, ain't nothin' a-tall t' worry about," Johnniepear declared with a stare, "we just gotta-- Yeeowch! Mammoth cuspidate amphibians, that smarts!" Johnnie had just discovered that chocolocation only works when the chocolate is at the boiling point. She hopped around, holding one rear hoof in both of the front ones, shouting, "Mah biscuit's a-burnin', fire in the hatch!"

This broke the resolve of the remaining ponies. They turned from the confectionary-based ponies and scattered.

"Run away!" cried Wondercloud in one of her less proud moments.

Unfortunately, as the cave was a hemisphere and lined with large mounds on the sides, it wasn't exactly teeming with exits besides the Love Tunnel, and going in there again was sort of not a good idea. They charged around the perimeter a few times before Wondercloud noticed something.

"There's two more exits, girls! Let's take this one!"

Hot chocolate splattered against the walls as the ponies scrambled up one of the slippery hills and made their way to the tiny exit. This one was even narrower than the Love Tunnel, but thankfully, despite being cramped, it wasn't covered in goop. Instead, it was twisty-turny as all get-out, and every now and then they'd come across a large, round white rock stuck in the wall. Thankfully, the entrance was too small for too many chocoponies to come into at once, so they just sealed it over with chocolate.

"Great," said Fashionface, "we done got our asses locked in here!"

"Cool it," Wondercloud suggested, "we'll just get through this tunnel and see what's up ahead! I'm sure it'll be the MacGuffin."

Unfortunately, it was not.

Instead, the tunnel opened into a smaller, slightly oval-shaped room whose walls glowed dimly. In the center was a large coffin, standing upright. As soon as they all entered the chamber, the candlesticks to either side flared to life (by which I mean the candles on them caught fire somehow), and the coffin door creaked open. Whisperlite got scared and jumped into Midnight Twinkle's arms, but she blushed and dropped the yellow pony.

"Blah!" cried a voice from inside the coffin that sounded really evil and dumb.

The Count was a tall brown pony, dressed in a black tuxedo and a red velvet-lined cape. He had a top hat on because I think vampires wear top hats? Anyway, he had fangs because he was some kind of vampire. He spread his hooves and stuck his tongue out at them menacingly.

"Blah, I say again! I am Count Krastula, the Chocolate Maker! You have escaped my children of breakfast, but you shall not escape me! This chamber of darkness vill be your doom!"

Wondercloud lifted an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

Count Krastula scowled. "Of course I am serious! Do you think this is a game or something?"

Wondercloud shook her head and crossed her hooves over her chest. "Sorry, but you don't exist."

Never before had a look given to a pony been founded upon so much dumb. All Krastula could think to say was "Vhat?"

Wondercloud sighed and pulled out the map that had led them to the cave. "First of all, your name's on the back of this map, which isn't real. Second of all, I saw it in the script. You. Don't. Exist."

A single tear slid down Krastula's face. It tasted like hot cocoa, but without the whipped cream.

"What delicious cereal they make..." he said sadly, and then ceased to be.

"Well, now that that's over," Wondercloud said with a smirk, tucking the map away, "who's up for some tasty pony-chocolate?"

It quickly turned out that the Magical MacGuffin was not, in fact, in the nameless chamber that had never been occupied by anypony. So after bendy-wending their way back through the bendy-wendy tunnel, they did in fact try eating the cooled-off pony-chocolate that covered the entrance, but found out it was not tasty. At all. So they kicked it down and very quietly made their way to the other exit Wondercloud had noticed before. The chocoponies thankfully had gone back to roost on the ceiling and didn't bother them this time.

"I knew we shoulda made that right turn at Albuquerque," Sugar Rush whispered.

The right tunnel (right as in not left and also as in hopefully the correct one) was a lot like the one they had just come from. And, just like the other one, it ended in an oval room with white walls. This time, however, there was a large cat in the center of the room.

It was at least three times any of the ponies' size. It was a bright coppery color and had slitted yellow eyes and long fangs that dripped green ichor. It hissed and stalked around the far corner of the room, glaring at them.

"Foolish ponies," it said malevolently, "you have come here only to meet your doom!"

"We heard that one before, sucka," Fashionface quipped.

The cat sneered. "I am your worst nightmare! I am the dread Catalept! I will rend you--"

The Catalept froze in place. The ponies all held their breaths, waiting for it to do something, but it didn't even blink. In fact, they couldn't be sure it was breathing.

Wondercloud facehoofed. "What the serious fuck? Okay, I'm sick of this place. This is the dumbest cave, and that is the dumbest monster ever."

"It's like the stupid frosting on a cake made out of retarded!" Sugar Rush said, hopping up and down.

"You said it, Sugar." Wondercloud snorted. "JP, you wanna do the honors?"

"With gumption 'n pleasure, WC!"

Johnniepear quickly hooked up some dynamite and a detonator to the Catalept, they all went back into the tunnel, and in five shakes of a jiffy's tail, the giant cat was exploded.

"Sweet ass," Wondercloud declared.

They went back in the room, which was full of smoke and cat chunks, and discovered...

"A treasure chest?"

There, in the center of the chamber where the Catalept had stood was a large chest made of precious wood and diamonds and junk. Wondercloud glared at the giant lock hanging off the front until it got the idea and opened. Then the big lid swung open, and...

Pinkie Pie nibbled at the edges of her hooves.

"This suspense is killing me!" she shouted. "What happens next? I can't take it anymore!"

She zipped under her desk to hide from the impending revelation. Slowly, it dawned on her that nopony was answering her because there was nopony else in the room with her. Also, the page was blank after "was..."

"Oh, that's right!" She crawled back up onto her desk chair and adjusted it. "Silly me, I have to keep writing to find out what's next! Let's see, where was I..."

Wondercloud Lightningbolt lifted the lid of the humongous chest, and inside she found...

Dun-dunna-daaaah!

"Congratulations!"

From within the chest arose not one, but two Beardy Beard the Beardfuls!

"What in the everloving buck?"

"You've passed the challenges so far," said the first one.

"But one test yet remains," said the other.

"Answer our riddles!"

"Guess which of us is the true Beardy Beard!"

"And you shall have the reward you seek!"

"Fuck that," said Wondercloud, and she punched Beardy Beard right in his beard.

Two things happened simultaneously. All the ponies, the other Beardy Beard included, gasped in shock. The one who got punched glowed yellow and then turned black. His form became much less beardy, looking like a black pony with holes all over its body.

"I told momma I wanted to be a poet!" the black thing declared, and then dashed out of the cave, crying all the way.

Wondercloud watched it go, then turned back to the Beardy Beard who remained.

"All right, old pony, I'm just about done with this. I've passed all your tests, so can I please have the the MacGuffin?"

Beardy Beard swallowed, then grinned.

"But of course, Dame Lightningbolt! You've certainly earned it!" He reached into his beard and, after some rummaging, he produced a small box. "Here you are!"

Wondercloud gaped. There was a chorus of groans and "I can't believe it!"s and "Are you effing kidding me?"s from the other ponies.

"Wait," Wondercloud said, a deadly edge to her voice like a knife made of death. "You're telling me... that you had the MacGuffin in your beard... This entire freaking time?!"

"Why didn't you just give it to us in the first place?" Midnight Twinkle yelled.

"Ah got half o' two minds to wallop you one or three!" Johnniepear warned.

"This is crap," Fashionface groused.

"I agree with Fashionface," Whisperlite said. "That was total bullshit." You know you done fucked up when Whisperlite starts swearing.

"We went through all that crap for absolutely nothing!" Sugar Rush complained.

"Not for nothing!" Beardy Beard said as Wondercloud swiped the box out of his grasp. "You all came closer together as friends because of the trials you faced! And, as everypony knows, the most important thing in life is friendsh--"

He didn't get to finish his sentence because Wondercloud knocked him the fuck out.

"All right, who's for getting out of here?" she grumbled.

"That was a real shame," Fashionface said. "I wanted to hit him too."

"Yeah, me four," said Johnniepear, and then the other five went over to the chest and dragged Beardy Beard out and started beating him a little. Whisperlite even bit him on the nose. He had fucked up, onii-chan.

They tied him up and dumped him back in the treasure chest. But when Sugar Rush went to close the lid on him once and for all, she noticed something. There, inside the lid, was the image of a cupcake. Sugar froze for a moment, looking at it. She willed it not to be, wanted to believe that she was just looking at it from the wrong angle, but there was no denying it.

It was the Inverted Cupcake.

"Uhh, maybe you should do the honors, Cloudie," she said, noping backward until she was almost out of the room. Wondercloud shrugged and slammed the lid shut. The lock reasserted itself. Johnniepear gave the chest a kick for good measure, and it actually fell over backward, revealing...

"A way out!" Sugar Rush shouted. She leapt forward and dove into the hole that had been uncovered, laughing and shouting as she zipped through a twisty, curvy tunnel and out of the room that held the awful chest. Her friends followed behind her, thankful that they wouldn't have to go back through the chocoponies or the Love Tunnel, and soon they were back out on the beach outside the Coral Cave.

Sugar Rush gave the signal, and within a minute, Skytaint was swooping overhead, carrying the magic carpet and helicopter.

"Great adventure, everypony!" Wondercloud exclaimed. She noticed that Sugar Rush's ears were drooping a little.

"Ah'll get along on and meet y'all back at the mountain," Johnniepear said, and then she crouched down and leapt up high and in an instant, she was gone.

Wondercloud shaded her eyes with a hoof and watched as she soared back to the mainland. "Nice hangtime!" Then she turned to the other ponies and said, "Let's go home."

Something caught Wondercloud's eye as they soared back over the sea. It was hard to tell, being so dark and all, but she was pretty sure it was the front half of a pony, waving at her.

"Hey, I think somepony's out there and needs help!"

Sugar Rush turned to where Wondercloud was pointing, but there was nothing there.

"I don't see anything, Cloudie," she said. "Do you, Skytaint?"

"No, Master, I did not."

"I swear, it looked like a pony!" Wondercloud held up her hooves. "Like, a green unicorn! And then it waved at me and dove underwater and..." Her eye twitched. "It had a fish tail. That doesn't sound right..."

"Were it indeed a fishpony," Skytaint said helpfully, "it would not have needed help."

"Aw, crap," Wondercloud said and sank her head into her hooves. "Now you're both gonna think I'm nuts."

"I don't, Cloudie," Sugar Rush said supportively. "After all, I've got a bunch of fishponies living in the negative space inside my tummy!"

Wondercloud stared at her marefriend with a mix of confusion and horror, but Sugar Rush saved her the trouble of having to think up what to say next.

"Okay," she said, "I said I'd tell you what was wrong after we got the MacGuffin."

Wondercloud smiled softly and leaned back on Skytaint to listen, forgetting her fish-based troubles, because that is exactly the kind of amazing, caring, considerate marefriend she was.

Sugar Rush took a deep breath in and said, "It's your birthday, Cloudie."

"Well, I kinda knew that."

"No, no, I mean..." Sugar let out a long breath. "I was gonna throw you a party for your birthday, but then Zerrific showed up and I felt really left out because you were all talking to her but everything she says sounds like garbledy-gook to me, and then we went on a quest for a thing and I couldn't throw you a party!"

Sugar sniffed sullenly. "It was gonna be great. I had a big adventure planned out, and at the end, I was gonna give you your birthday present."

"But..." Wondercloud stared at Sugar Rush. "We really are on an adventure, Sugar!"

"I know!" Sugar wailed. "And it was way cooler than my adventure! I was gonna have Midnight and Fashionface dress up as pirates and ponynap me, and then Johnniepear and Whisperlite were gonna lead you through the Everlame Forest until you found me and rescued me! And then present! But now it's all..." She waved her hooves helplessly. "Ruined."

Wondercloud pulled Sugar Rush into her hooves and held her close. "Sugar, it's not ruined at all. Sure, you didn't get to do your adventure, but what we did isn't the point." She gazed deep into Sugar's eyes, which were glistening with tears. The sun shone down on them. Birds were singing. Fish were flying or something. It was romantic as fuck.

"The point is I love you, and what we did, we did together. That's way more important than any party, or any present."

And then Wondercloud dipped Sugar Rush and kissed her hard on the lips. The clouds exploded and the wind whipped their manes into long strands that flapped as they flew on the dragon's back. Said dragon was currently feeling a warm, tingly feeling in his guttywuts.

"D'aww," he rumbled loudly.

Sugar Rush opened one eye and said out of the corner of the kiss, "Shut it."

Skytaint blushed lightly and averted his eyes, knowing well which side his bread was buttered on.

It was another good minute before the hot kiss (with lots of tongue), ended with a pop and a mutual gasp from the two mares. And a string of saliva. There was like, a whole quilt made out of saliva threads, that's how sexy the kiss was.

"Though I have to wonder," Wondercloud continued, "what it was you were gonna give me for my birthday. Even if you can't give it to me now."

Sugar Rush's pink faced turned even pinker than before. "Actually, Cloudie, I can give it to you still. It's... umm..." She swallowed and smiled bashfully. "My virginity."

Wondercloud's wings stood straight out from her back and started to pulsate. "Y-y-you're a virgin?"

Sugar Rush nodded shyly and flipped her mane over her face a little. Trees caught fire below.

"Sugar, I..."

"Let's do it, Cloudie. Right here, on the back of this dragon." She stroked the side of Wondercloud's face gently. "And keep your cape on."

Wondercloud looked at Skytaint. "He's not gonna... watch, is he?"

"Nope!" the dragon replied.

Sugar Rush laid back on the hard scales. It wasn't the most comfortable place to have her first time, but it would do. There was certainly no more awesome place to do it with the most awesome pony in Ponylandia, that was for sure.

Wondercloud lowered herself over Sugar, who gasped softly. Their lips brushed.

"W-Wondercloud," Sugar breathed.

"Yeah?"

"W-wait, we..." She gasped again. "We have to wait for the ellipsis."

"The what?"

Sugar Rush's eyes closed and she moaned. "Oh, there it is..."

When they caught up with Johnniepear back in Pony City, Wondercloud and Sugar Rush were feeling kind of... spent. Skytaint waved goodbye to them, the magic carpet dumped Midnight Twinkle and Fashionface off and flew away, and the helicopter exploded so Whisperlite could parachute out awesomely. They regrouped back at Zerrific's ship and she thanked them profusely for finding the MacGuffin. With it in hoof, she said (and Sugar Rush could finally understand her, because she wasn't a virgin anymore), surely her home world would be safe from Badhorsia.

"You're welcome of course," said Wondercloud to Zerrific after she said stuff.

"You're gonna give us something?" Sugar Rush clarified. She was so glad she could do the clarifying now. Zerrific's words sounded like this to her:

"Why yes, brave ponies,
You've saved my homeworld, and I
Shall grant you one wish."

The six friends turned to look at each other. Immediately, they started naming off things they could wish for: cooler outfits, new band gear, Dirt Dingo slaves, a year's supply of cupcakes, peace on Ponylandia. But one pony's wish stood out among the others, mostly because she didn't wait for them to decide before jumping up and shouting,

"I wish I had enough time to throw Wondercloud a real birthday party!"

"As your wish was made," Zerrific said,
"So shall it be granted. Now" -- her eyes glowed and the world got all wibbly-wobbly --
"You have time enough!"

"Hooray!" Sugar Rush cheered, and blew a party buzzer while her friends grumbled.

"I must ask one more
Thing from you, oh ponies six:
My ship needs more fuel."

"What kinda gasoline's yer ship there run off'n?" Johnniepear asked.

"A substance common,
I thought, though I have found none:
Wonderflonium."

The ponies groaned.

"I shoulda seen that comin'," said Fashionface.

"I'll be right back." Wondercloud grabbed some TP and flew off to the woods.

Pinkie Pie basked in the evanescent glow of a new story finished at long last. She slumped in her desk chair and wiggled her hooves, letting the tingling from a long night of typing wash out of them, to be replaced by blissful numbness. The only thing that would feel better would be when the praise started pouring in from the ponynet. First, of course, she would have to send this one to Twilight for editing, but in the meantime, she could close her eyes and drink in the warm, rich sensation of "done".

Her eyes popped open. There was that pinchy feeling at the base of her tail again. And yup, there came the itchy nose. She'd been having that combo the whole evening as she wrote. At last, she could finally do something about it.

She quickly opened her e-mail and sent a copy of the story to Twilight with a topic of "HEY TWILIGHT YOU CAN EDIT THIS RIGHT PLZKTHX<3", then powered her computer down. It was time to find Rainbow Dash.

"Oh Daaashiiiiieeee," she cried as she pronked away from her desk and up the stairs to her room, "it's somepony's birthday sooooon!"

Author's Note

Whew! Glad that's done. Who would have thought writing a ten thousand word story based on "Wondercloud and Sugar Rush have sex on the back of a dragon" would be so hard? :V Credits are, always, where credit is due:

-The opening paragraph was stolen from Cereal Velocity.

-"Blue horse bird" is from kits.

-Fairy farts were suggested by Aquaman.

-"Sho golly nelly in the fritter, I reckon!" comes from this.

-Blowing up a cat to find treasure was suggested by Blueshift.

-Solving problems by punching people is an homage to The 63rd Rune.

-Interrupting a story to talk about ~~Rainbow Dash~~Wondercloud's toilet was unwittingly suggested by ROBCakeran53 at Canterlot Gardens. I have always wanted to do that.

Last but not least, thanks to kits and Arcainum for feedback. :D I can't do these things alone. And of course, there's tons more references to things in here than just what I listed. Find them all!

Midnight Twinkle Gets a Clue

Midnight Twinkle Gets a Clue
by PartyPartyParty99 and rArEgEmLoVeR

It was a dark and stormy night in Pony City. (What, did you think I was gonna say something else? Hah, I got you!) Well, actually, it wasn't stormy, just dark, because if it had been stormy, everypony would be inside and this story wouldn't be able to start.

Anyway, Princess Moon Unit's moon was still hanging out in the sky, because that's what it did, and it looked like a cookie that had a bite taken out of it. (And now I'm hungry, brb. Okay, I'm back. Oops, I guess I didn't have to type that out.) Everything was quiet and still, unless you were a goth living in the Pony City graveyard, like Midnight Twinkle. This was because she was busy playing her pipe organ, which was her favorite thing to do in the dead of night.

Dead of night. How she loved that phrase. It meant the time of night when she didn't have to worry about being bothered by dumb ponies and their dumb problems. Especially not her dumb friends. They were literally the worst.

There was Johnniepear, who was as dumb as a brick made out of sticks. Then there was Fashionface, who literally should not have existed after they "changed" her element. Midnight was sure, she'd checked the books. She made sure to keep far away from that one afterward. There was also Sugar Rush, who was literally the dumbest pony ever, with all her random "hijinks" and talking about stupid things like cupcakes and parties and how much she loved Wondercloud Lightningbolt.

Wondercloud.

She was literally the dumbest pony of the bunch. It didn't help that she was usually right most of the time and that meant Midnight was wrong about stuff. But Midnight was the smartest pony in Ponylandia, for corn's sake! She should be right about stuff at least half the time.

That just left Whisperlite, who was cute but useless, and therefore dumb. She was extra dumb for being so cute. Stupid, sexy Whisperlite.

The worst part was that Midnight was stuck with them on account of the Elements of Awesomery, the one thing she had been right about all along. She couldn't get rid of them even if she tried.

It made her so angry. The anger led to hate, and the hate led to suffering, and the suffering led to sadness. Her world was a black ocean made of sadness and all the fish in the ocean were really sad and it was like WaterWorld, except instead of water, it was sadness.

The organ ground on beneath her hooves.

So that was why Midnight Twinkle lived out in the graveyard, where no living pony could ever bother her, and she could be alone except for her bodyguard that I forgot to mention before.

His name was Sir Thrustlance the Turgid and he was a Knight Valiant of the Order of the Throwing Sun, who had been assigned by Princess Sunnycheeks to watch over Midnight from the day she became important. He was tall and muscular, with fists that could crush stones and catlike reflexes and really cool armor. His purple scales gleamed in the moonlight and his green headspikes were coiffed perfectly to capture the attention of any female who might spare a glance at him. Alas, his was a solitary life, and for his loyalty to Midnight Twinkle and his Princess, he sacrificed all personal want.

Currently, he was sitting on a tombstone some distance away, polishing the lance that had given him his name. He didn't mind the organ playing so much, even if Midnight Twinkle wasn't that good at it. It wasn't exactly the life he'd envisioned for himself, but he'd come to accept it, and took pride in carrying out his duties without complaint.

He looked up as the music came to a sudden stop. He averted his eyes as he noticed the wetness in hers. Clearing his throat loudly after a few moments, he said, "Lady Midnight, shouldn't you be getting to bed?"

There was a loud sniff, and she turned to him, smiling. "Of course, Sir Thrustlance. You're right as always. What would I do without you watching over me?"

He stood and bowed to her. "What indeed?" he murmured to himself, but she didn't hear.

And so, her body brimming with secret gothic croutons, Midnight Twinkle closed up her pipe organ and descended into the mausoleum where she slept.

The next day, Midnight's friends were throwing a "Midnight Twinkle Is Kind of a Butt" party -- to which she had actually been invited -- and so she didn't have much to do and was literally kicking around Pony City with Sir Thrustlance when a loud roar cut the air. They looked up as screams cut the morning air in a different direction to see a blue bear that was as big as a building cutting through crowds of ponies. And so soon after the downtown area had been rebuilt, too! Despite monster attacks being a pretty frequent occurrence in Pony City (it was an insurer's paradise), the ponies still knew to scream and run from monsters like a pack of ninnies, because that's just what you gotta do sometimes.

Midnight Twinkle's bodyguard looked down at her. To his surprise, she was grinning.

"Perfect," she said, rubbing her hooves together. "That's an Ursa Awesome, I'd recognize one anywhere. While those bubbleheads are busy partying like the dummies they are, I'll save Pony City all by myself and then everypony will say I'm a hero!"

Sir Thrustlance shrugged. He was used to the occasional crazy scheme. "Do you need any help?"

"I'll let you know," she said, and stepped forward. "Maybe help out the civilians?"

"On it."

The Ursa Awesome roared and knocked over a building. Ponies ran and screamed, but Sir Thrustlance charged in and tossed them to safety. Using his lance, he pole-vaulted around the city from one cluster of screaming ponies to another, and thanks to his armor and hard scales, the falling rubble literally couldn't touch him.

Meanwhile, Midnight Twinkle's cutie mark (which, in case you forgot, is a brain reading a book) started flashing as she closed her eyes and began to access the orbital platform that stored all of her extra information. After all, the pony brain is only so large, even for the smartest pony in Ponylandia, so all that knowledge has to get stored somewhere.

Anyway, she searched the databanks for spells related to defeating Ursas. There were literally a billion spells in that junk, so it took a little while. At last, she found the right one, and with a cackle of triumph, she downloaded it into her mind. Somewhere in there, a stray thought suggested that if she had installed weapons on the satellite, she wouldn't have to go through this. But whatever, magic is literally 120% cooler than lasers. Unless you're talking about magic lasers.

Anyway, with her spell safely in horn, Midnight let out a battle cry. The Ursa Awesome was right there in front of her, all rampagey and killy and stuff. A circle made out of stars appeared around her as she cast the spell. The sky darkened. Rain began falling up. There were lights and lightning bolts literally zipping all over the place, and then she said the magic words.

"Eep opp ork ah-ah!'

A sweet laser beam made out of lightning bolts shot out of her horn and into the Ursa Awesome. Sir Thrustlance vaulted awesomely over it. The bear reared back and shrieked in pain as the spell took hold.

"Yes!" Midnight Twinkle cried. "Yes! Fucking die, you bitch!"

Then there was an explosion and a huge fireball and an enormous cloud of smoke. The ponies of Pony City stopped their running and screaming to look up at it. Then they started cheering. Midnight Twinkle stood up tall and puffed her chest out.

"That's right," she crowed, "no need to thank me! Just doing my duty as a--"

Then the smoke cleared and the cheering stopped. The Ursa Awesome had changed.

It was still a giant blue bear, sure. Except that it was now as big as two buildings. Worse, its claws and teeth had gotten bigger. In fact, it was literally covered in claws. And all those claws were covered in swords. Swords everywhere!

Midnight Twinkle's jaw dropped open.

"Shit."

Sir Thrustlance appeared at her side. She turned to him, face literally filled with fear.

"What is that?"

"It's an Ursa Extreme," Sir Thrustlance said coolly. "I've only seen one once before."

Midnight grabbed the hem of his armor and would have started shaking him if her weak pony legs had been able to move his muscular bulk. "WHAT DO WE DO?"

Sir Thrustlance reached down and scooped her up. "There is but one thing to do, my lady. First, I must get you clear of the blast zone."

The Ursa Extreme looked at Sir Thrustlance, and he jumped. The ground where he had been standing literally exploded into knives as he sailed up with Midnight Twinkle clutched against his manly, wide chest. She screamed in fear because that was some pretty scary crap right there, no lie.

They landed on a hill overlooking the city. Sir Thrustlance set his charge down and she pranced in place.

"What're we gonna do, what're we gonna do?"

He arched an eyebrow at her. "We are going to do nothing. You should stay here out of harm's way while I take care of this beast."

There were no credules in the look she gave him. The look was devoid of credule, much in the way a fish was not. It was, in a word, noncredulful.

"All by yourself?"

A tiny grin tugged at the corner of his square jaw. "Of course not."

He withdrew a large horn made from the tooth of a manticornucopia and set it to his lips. Inhaling deeply, he let forth a mighty blast of breath into the trumpet. Its call sounded like a big, manly guy shouting "YES, I'VE PUNCHED THE MOON TODAY!" He blew it twice more and then put it away.

"Stay put," he warned Midnight, and then leapt back into the city.

Midnight Twinkle pouted. She'd wanted to be the hero, yes, but not only was she kind of bummed about making things worse, she literally didn't want to get anywhere near that monster. So as much as she hated taking orders from her bodyguard, she sat her plot down on the hill, grumbled to herself, and decided to watch the fight.

That lasted for all of three seconds before the sky was split by a throaty warcry. Midnight's head turned and she saw a large blue form hurtling towards her from the west. She recoiled in renewed rehorror as a giant pony slammed into the ground in front of her. Only it wasn't a pony.

This creature had enormous hands and fists, and stood on two legs like Sir Thrustlance. It was built like him, muscular, chisel-jawed and broad-shouldered, and a whole head taller. Atop its head was silver mane and a purple peaked cap covered in stars. The rest of its body was clad in a matching skintight leotard and a tiny cape.

Keen eyes that had seen the deaths of literally a million comrades turned to Midnight. In a voice that was surprisingly feminine, the creature said, "I'd have been here sooner but I was busy wrestling a double gorgon. Where is Thrustlance?"

Midnight pointed a shaky hoof at the city, where she could see Sir Thrustlance just barely avoiding the Ursa Extreme's blade breath.

The creature grunted and turned to leap into the fray. But Midnight grabbed the tiny cape with her magic, making her stop.

"Wait," she said, "who are you?"

The creature grunted and once again turned eyes -- deep, soulful, gritty, hateful eyes -- to Midnight.

"There are those who call me The Virile and Muscular Joxie. Now let me go."

That name. It resounded in Midnight Twinkle's dark and gothy soul like a ping pong ball in a fishtank. As she stared into those fathomless, profound, recondite, grimdark eyes, she felt her heart fluttering. She couldn't take her eyes from the bulging biceps, the broad pecs, the rippling thighs ready to leap into action at a moment's notice. It was unmistakably, literally love at first sight.

"Wait!" Midnight tugged again and Joxie sighed. "Let me come with you! I can help!"

"You'd better stay here or you'll muss up your dress, princess," Joxie said disparagingly. She was literally bursting at the seams to get into that battle.

"Look, I turned the Ursa Awesome into the Ursa Extreme. The least I can do is help fix it!"

One of Joxie's rugged eyebrows rose. "You created this creature?"

Midnight stepped back, suddenly afraid of retribution, but she nodded anyway. "Uh, kind of? It was a mistake though, I promise!"

"Hm." Joxie reached down and picked her up. "I appreciate a pony brave enough to make up for her errors. Hold on."

And then Joxie leapt.

Midnight Twinkle's whole body literally compacted from the force in Joxie's jump. But there, in the strong blue muscles of Joxie's arm, she felt something she'd not felt in a long, long time.

She felt safe.

They landed with a crunch that felled trees and telephone poles in literally a fifty foot radius. Joxie set Midnight down and Sir Thrustlance joined them. He clasped hands with Joxie and they grinned at each other, sharing the gaze of two longtime comrades who had shared each others' blood. Because, like, they both got wounded and bled all over each other. (Don't try this at home, kids, you can catch all kinds of diseases.)

"It's good to see you again," Joxie said.

"Likewise. But why did you bring her?"

Midnight Twinkle tried to hide behind thin air, grinning bashfully.

"She said this is her mistake," Joxie said, her voice literally booming off what skyscrapers remained. "And you know how I feel about fixing mistakes."

Sir Thrustlance drew in a breath through his teeth. "Right. Very well. Lady Midnight, do your best to keep out of the Ursa's range. To defeat the beast, we must drive all of its claw-swords back into it. Joxie and I will try and punch it to death. If you can think of a way to help, I won't stop you, but please do your best to keep out of harm's way."

And then he turned and leapt back over to where the Ursa was busy flaying the concrete off a building with knives that were literally made of knives.

Joxie hesitated just a moment before joining him. She looked down at Midnight out of the corner of her eye. Midnight froze, but then Joxie smiled at her.

"Pleased to meet you, Lady Midnight," she said, and then leapt away. She soared through the air as Midnight watched her go, and impacted with the side of the Ursa's head.

"How many have you punched in?" Joxie shouted to Sir Thrustlance.

"Three!"

Joxie laughed. "The bodyguard trade is making you soft!"

"The day is still young!" Thrustlance countered, and drove his lance through the Ursa's ear. It roared with screams and fired laser swords at him that tore through his cape as he just barely leapt out of the way.

"See what I mean?" Joxie laughed and slammed her fist into the Ursa's side. Its blue skin punctured and literally a ton of swords spewed forth. She dove out of the way and caught one in her teeth. Sir Thrustlance caught another and they grinned at each other.

"Just like old times!" they shouted, and high-fived with enough power to drive two more claws back into the Ursa. The Ursa thundered on the ground and Midnight Twinkle was almost knocked off her hooves.

While Joxie and Sir Thrustlance used their swords to drive back the hordes of zombie laser bear swords before them, Midnight was puzzling and puzzing till her puzzler was sore. This was literally the most thinking she'd ever had to do!

"Think, Midnight, think!" she shouted at herself and dodged a wayward sword flung in her direction. But she couldn't think. Her big, goopy brain had literally locked up, caught between its own tendency to overanalyze things and a single, horrible truth. For there was one thing she could think about, only she didn't want to think about it.

It was so important, this true thing, and thinking about not thinking about it meant that she was thinking about it, and the truthiness of it just sort of rushed out of the brain-fog like it was a big mountain made of ice that was going to sink the ship that she was on, drawing a muscular blue unicorn like one of those French girls and proclaiming herself Queen Of The World, only now she was old and thinking about how the ship had sunk and everyone had died and there was an awful pop song about it and boy, it was just sad as all get out.

What would her friends do?

Johnniepear and Wondercloud would be out there fighting the Ursa. Whisperlite would probably have calmed it down already with her creepy powers of cuteness. Fashionface would just be complaining about everything. Then there was Sugar Rush. Sugar Rush would be distracting it or maybe turning it into a black hole with some of her random hijinks. And by golly, that would be just the ticket, wouldn't it?

Midnight Twinkle knew what to do. She summoned up all of her smartness and connected with her satellite. There was a long beep followed by a series of alternating tones and then something like a bee imitating a police siren, and then a high tone and then a low tone and then a robot going, "Wee-err, wee-err". Then her eyes glowed. The magic was literally happening in her horn.

There was a moment when time stood still. Joxie had been hit by a wayward claw-sword and Sir Thrustlance was hustling her out of the way of literally a hundred more behind it. A small spray of blood droplets emerged from her shoulder. The Ursa was roaring, preparing to stomp on another building because that's just how it rolled. Somewhere, a hi-fi was playing a tune. And then Midnight unleashed her spell.

Time sped back up. Joxie and Sir Thrustlance crashed into the earth and she grunted in pain. The Ursa also crashed to earth, but it was shrieking in pain because both of its front legs were missing. There wasn't any gore, I totally promise, they were literally just gone, son.

"Now!" Midnight shouted. "Attack its weak point for massive damage!" She had no idea why she phrased it that way, but it worked.

A look passed between Sir Thrustlance and Joxie. They nodded at each other, he helped her up, and they proceeded to literally punch the everloving snot out of the Ursa Extreme. Sword after sword, claw after claw, was punched right back into its stupid body, until finally it gave one last window-shattering bellow of rage, frustration and pain, and exploded.

Sir Thrustlance and Joxie high-fived as they rode the shockwave away from where the bear had been, their forms silhouetted against the bright light. It was literally the coolest thing ever.

They landed and tucked into a roll, grinning at each other as they regained their feet.

"Just like old times," Sir Thrustlance said. Joxie grunted and nodded.

Midnight Twinkle came running up. "That was amazing! Sir Thrustlance... Joxie... You were both so awesome..."

Joxie smiled at her. "Not as awesome as the spell you used to subdue that Ursa. We might've taken way longer to beat it if not for your help. Thank you."

Midnight Twinkle blushed hotly. You literally could have cooked an egg on her face if you threw one at her right then.

Speaking of ponies who wanted to throw eggs at her, all of Midnight Twinkle's friends came dashing up just then because the house they'd been partying in had gotten slightly exploded. They gathered around the three heroes and were surprised.

"Wow, Midnight Twinkle actually did something right for once?" said Wondercloud. "I'm impressed!"

"I-it was nothing," Midnight said tsunderily. "Joxie and Sir Thrustlance did most of the work."

"And Ah sure am mightily dightily impressed with'n y'all'n's wrangling thar," Johnniepear said to Joxie.

"Did you really have to explode my house, though?" Fashionface complained. "Shit, I just rebuilt that mess, yaknow!"

"Believe me," Joxie said darkly, "far more than one house would have exploded had Midnight Twinkle not acted when she did."

Whisperlite was going to say something but didn't, for fear of breaking character. Instead, Sir Thrustlance said, "You all owe her your thanks, I think."

Wondercloud saluted. "Pony City thanks you, and I thank you!"

Midnight looked away and didn't know what to say.

"But how did you beat it?" Sugar Rush asked, bouncing around. "I saw the spell you cast, what was it?"

"Oh," said Midnight, "uh, well... It's kind of embarrassing to admit, but I thought about what all of you would do in the same situation. And I realized that it called for a little random thinking, Sugar Rush." She smiled. "So I cast a spell that revoked the Second Amendment."

Sugar Rush gasped in surprise and she hugged Midnight really, really tightly, literally until she couldn't breathe. "I'm so proud of you! We should change your Element, too!"

"Yeah!" Fashionface pointedly exclaimed. "Then you could be way cooler, just like me!"

Midnight teleported out of the embrace and caught her breath. "Yeah, no, I don't think that's gonna happen. I think this proves I'm plenty cool the way I am."

"I guess you're right," Wondercloud said, and scratched the back of her neck. "So, uh, sorry about having that party. I mean, we could have done something ourselves if we hadn't been so busy making fun of you. I guess it's a good thing you didn't come."

"Let that be a lesson to you all," said Joxie, using her imposing size to quiet them. "Stand by your friends, if your friends they truly are. For at the end of the day, comradeship is what will carry you through your darkest hours." She grinned at Sir Thrustlance, and he nodded at her. "And comradeship is truly enchantment."

She exchanged a light fistbump with Sir Thrustlance and literally only one bird exploded. Then she turned to the road out of Pony City. As she began to walk away, Midnight grabbed her cape with magic and tugged on it.

"Wait, please! Where are you going?"

Joxie smirked. "I was just walking away so you would stop me."

Midnight's eyes began to water. "Joxie, I know I just met you, and this is crazy, but..."

"Shh." Joxie's powerful finger alighted carefully on Midnight's lips. "No tears now, only dreams. Your heart speaks through a power greater than words."

She scooped Midnight Twinkle up into her massive arms and they started making out noisily. Whisperlite looked away, embarrassed. Johnniepear stuck her tongue out. Wondercloud just laughed, and Sugar Rush cheered.

Fashionface moved over to Sir Thrustlance and looked up at him.

"Oh, Sir Thrustlance," she said, her voice full of whimsy, "Midnight may have saved the day, but you were wonderful, too. I just thought that maybe, if you weren't doing anything later, we could--"

"I'm sorry, Lady Fashionface," Sir Thrustlance said quickly. He turned from her. "I know you have always desired my muscular arms, my gleaming scales, and my chiseled jaw, but the fact is I am a knight, and knights are duty-bound to their charges." His gaze moved over to where Midnight and Joxie were still exploring each other's esophagi with their tongues. There were saliva strands everywhere.

"And that means I stay with her."

That evening, Midnight Twinkle played her pipe organ in the graveyard once again. But it wasn't a song of sadness and dark gothitude. It was the tune of a pony who finally had friends. It was the piping of a mare in love, pining for her intended who was off across the ocean, punching krakens in the eye. It was the melody of someone who at long last had a reason to be happy. Tears flowed freely from her eyes as she played. She was literally, truly happy, for once in her long, gothy life.

When she was done, she searched around the graveyard, but found she was alone. It was a strange feeling. Usually Sir Thrustlance was always there by her side.

But on that day, he was standing on a nearby cliffside, gazing out at Princess Sunnycheek's sun as it sank below the horizon. The wind blew his cape out behind him as if it were a flowing mane of glistening, radiant hair. That same wind carried the scent of lilacs and malt whiskey. Fashionface's scent.

He turned his head, and a single tear glistened in the last rays of light.

THE END

(A/N: so like i TOTALLY wanna thank my new co-author, rArEgEmLoVeR for giving me the idea for this story and coming up with Sir Thrustlance as a character. He really helped me make this story awesome! This is kind of a new turn for me as a writer i think but i hope everypony enjoys this one! and like I always say, keep on partying (and reading too!) <3333)

Pinkie Pie sniffled, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue.

"That last line always gets me, y'know?" she said, her voice squeaking with emotion. "It's just such a tragic love story. I mean, they can never be together!"

Twilight frowned, glancing from the screen in front of her to her friend. "Yes, Pinkie, it's very... 'tragic'. For a definition of the word." She cleared her throat. "So tell me again why you shipped my character with a musclebound version of Trixie."

Pinkie sprang up, all trace of tears suddenly gone. "Oh, you two are cute together, so it just makes sense! Plus the fans like it."

"The fans." Twilight looked at Pinkie, who stared at her with an unwavering smile. "Uh-huh. I'd still like to know why you made me into a goth."

"Oh Twilight, Twilight, Twilight." Pinkie clucked her tongue and shook her head. "You've been editing my fanfics for how long and you haven't learned to stop asking questions like that?"

Placing a hoof to her forehead, Twilight turned back to the screen with a sigh. "You may have a point. But I do have one more question."

"Oh, anything! Ask awayski!"

"Pinkie, do you know what 'literally' means?"

"Really!"

"How about 'turgid'?"

There was a lengthy pause. The bell above the door of Sugarcube Corner dingled. From the stairs came the muffled voice of Mrs. Cake, calling, "Pinkie! Rainbow Dash is here!"

"It's like dishwater, right? All murky and opaque and stuff!" Pinkie grinned. "That's why he hangs around with Midnight Twinkle, after all, because he likes dark things too!"

"That's what I thought." Twilight began to massage the spot below her horn. "Pinkie?"

"Yeah, Twilight?"

"Don't stop being you." She sighed heavily. "I'm going to have to have a looong talk with a certain dragon when I get home."

Author's Note

And welcome to the first of six stories focusing on each of the awesomane cast! Midnight Twinkle takes top billing this time around, and we get a little bigger view of Ponylandia, not to mention lots of fist-pounding action! This story takes significant inspiration from Punching Is Magic, as well as these references and outright thefts:

-"Yes I've punched the moon today" comes from The Ballad of Sir Spike de Draco by Zay-el, which actually came out after I came up with the idea from this story, but I nevertheless drew a good deal of inspiration from it as well.

-Misusing 'literally' a lot was the idea of randomguy.

-The line about her sadness being like WaterWorld comes almost verbatim from Daffodil's roommate.

-'Secret gothic croutons' was stolen wholesale from Cracked.com.

-Whisperlite not saying something for fear of breaking character was suggested by kits.

Lastly, thanks to kits for editing help and suggesting a certain musical joke. :3 And of course that's not everything, so you have stuff to find on your own! :D I don't know which story I'll be doing next, but suffice to say I have lots of ideas and this series isn't going anywhere yet!

Whisperlite's Wonderful Day

Whisperlite's Wonderful Day
by PartyPartyParty99

It was a bright, sunny, beautiful, calm, and -- most importantly -- peaceful day in Pony City. Those didn't happen all that often. I mean, that place gets attacked or blown up by stuff figuratively every other day! (Literally, every other week.) Whisperlite was taking full advantage of the tranquility to play with bunnies and stuff in Pony City Park.

The yellowy pegasus was wearing a white sun bonnet and a pale dress that her friend Fashionface had made for her. The lacy hem flounced and rippled in the sunlight as she cavorted with bunnies, squirrels, and a couple of deer. Her laughter, figuratively like pearls of purest white against a golden chime, sounded across the glades, welcoming all the animals to join her. She smiled and skipped and twirled in the sunlight, in absolute, unshakable, literal bliss.

That's when the demon showed up.

Whisperlite didn't notice him at first, for some particularly persnickety ladybugs had gained her full attention, so he cleared his throat.

Instantly, all the creatures of the woodland went stiff as figurative boards. As one, they turned to look at the demon, then scattered into the trees. The light golden pegasus took a few moments to notice this had happened because ladybugs, dammit. When she finally looked up, she beheld the big, scary, literally-just-arrived-from-the-underworld demon, and gave him figuratively the biggest smile ever.

"Wonderful to see you again, Miss Whisperlite," the demon said in a haughty accent. His name was Beelzegard, by the way. His homies called him B-Money.

The pink-maned pegasus gave him a little curtsey and giggled. She literally wasn't the teensy-tiniest bit afraid of him, even though he was big and muscly and smelled like brimstone, which smells like mega doo-doo in case you didn't know. (Bet you didn't expect that, did ya, sucka?)

Anyway, Whisperlite said something back to him, and he could hear it with his demon hearing, which was as sharp as a figurative roomful of tacks. He could literally hear a fly land on the wall. It kept him up nights. He clapped his hands together and produced a basket out of nowhere, with a flash of fire.

"Shall we begin?"

The amber pegasus nodded, smiling with the figurative light of ten suns. It was enough to make B-Money's evil heart literally pitter-patter.

"Hnng!" he hnnged, and fell over clutching his chest. But he was a smooth operator, and just landed on his side with his head propped up in one hand. The basket, which he'd been holding, flipped up and opened, spilling its contents over the grass in a perfect picnic spread. The pegasus with a coat like the sun squealed and clapped her fuzz scrubbers, smiling like a piece of amber that looked like a happy face.

"Lunch is served!" said the demon.

On the pink and white checkered picnic blanket was a black candelabra, already lit, dripping blood-red wax all over. It gave the proceedings a homey air. The spread was literally one of the best Whisperlite had ever seen. Cucumber sandwiches with real cucumbers! Finger sandwiches with real fingers! Tea cakes, tea cookies, tea scones and actual tea! Cream buns and donuts and fruitcake with no nuts! Also salad. She sat down on her flufferbuttle and dug in.

Meanwhile -- in the background -- Wondercloud Lightningbolt, Johnniepear, Midnight Twinkle, Sugar Rush and Fashionface ran past, yelling war cries and shooting lasers at a Cerbutterflerberus, which is a giant butterfly monster with three heads that shoot fire. They zoomed past the idyllic picnic scene and disappeared into the forest.

Beezlegard cupped a hand to his ear.

"Dear me, did you hear something just now?"

The flaxen pegasus flipped her floppity loppities and shook her head. No sir, she had indeed not heard a thing just then.

The demon shrugged and sipped at his tea, pinky finger readily extended past the teacup's edge. "How do you like the food?" he asked his saffron companion. "My mother helped me prepare it."

Whisperlite looked up from the bowl of berries and cream she'd shoved her booplesnoot into. She scraped it clean with her lickitytickler and gave him the figuratively biggest smile ever, as if to say, It's really good, my compliments to the chef.

"I'm so glad you like it!" he squealed, patting the blanket instead of clapping, so as not to upset his tea. "Shall I tell you about the latest gossip from the underworld, dear? The situation with Xmyltrgz and Ms. Deathfang Thousandeyes, Scourge of the Planes is heating up, if you get my drift."

He tittered and made that winky thing with his eyebrows that means two ponies are doing it. Whisperlite didn't really notice because she was too busy vacuuming up them berries, aw yeah.

The demon chuckled. "Well, Rogntharg the Defiler told me that Zzzzzrrp Pitchforkson told him..."

Meanwhile -- in the background again -- Wondercloud Lightningbolt, Johnniepear, Midnight Twinkle, Sugar Rush and Fashionface ran past, screaming and peeing a little as the Cerbutterflerberus chased them back the other way. They vanished once more into the other side of the forest.

Beelzegard frowned. "Whisperlite, dear, I am certain I heard something just now."

The citrine pegasus sighed and nodded, mumbling something about friends.

"But don't worry," she said, actually audible to the narrative for once, "I'm sure they won't bother us again."

Something told Beelzegard she was probably wrong, but he was a good guy, for a demon, and willing to trust the word of a friend.

They remained on edge for literally five minutes, but when nothing else untoward happened, they relaxed and got back into the picnic spirit of things. The topaz flypony stuffed her gob with delectable delights of the underworld. Beelzegard regaled her with tales of his latest manicure. Whisperlite got distracted by some chipmunks because her special talent is frolickiiiiing~. Yes, everything was quite toward indeed.

Then -- all of the suddens! -- their idealicious idyll was interrupted by a horde of rampaging ponies and one ornery butterfly. The pegasus who was goldenrod and carnation (the pink kind, not the red) was so startled, she fell right on her poof loof. The demon was scared into casting a hex, and with a shout of "Pfthgangqrt!", he made the Cerbutterflerberus vanish in a puff of fire and brimsmoke.

"Oh, man!" cried Wondercloud. "Whisperlite, your dumb demon friend ganked our kill!"

"A-and I'd do it again, too!" Beelzegard said, wiping his brow with a plaid handkerchief. (It was an eeeevil handkerchief.) "The nerve of you ponies, interrupting a peaceful afternoon luncheon with your... your moth monster!"

"Butterfly!" cried Midnight Twinkle snootily.

"Y'all best hush yer mouth'n's," sed Johnniepear, "afore we hushens it fer ya'n. Ah reckon."

"Yeah," added Fashionface, "you best habeeb we can get phat lewts and XP off yo' black ass!" She totally said 'phat' with a 'ph'.

Beelzegard looked like he'd taken a back. "Well, I never!"

The tension between the ponies and the demon was broken with the figuratively knife-sharp cut of a taxicab-minus-checkers pony shouting, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

All heads turned to Whisperlite. Her sides heaved as she panted through gritted teeth. Her eyes were red-rimmed, and her wings stuck straight up. The ponies cowered as she turned eyes filled with figurative fire (jalapeno-spicy, no less!) on them. Even Beelzegard cringed a little.

"All I wanted was to have a nice picnic with my friend, but you bastards can't even give me one fucking day to myself!" Whisperlite howled. "You have to come along with your DUMB FUCKING MONSTER and ruin EVERYTHING?" She started to shake.

"WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKERS LEAVE ME ALONE FOR ONCE?"

Loosing an unearthly howl, her form twisted and bubbled. Her cutie mark grew an eye, and then a whole bunch more. The ponies backed up a step or three, but it didn't matter. Whisperlite's xanthic hide split in two, ruining her lovely sundress, and an ethereal mass of black eldritch tentacles sprang forth. The ponies' eyes glowed with ancient starlight as they beheld their ends. Beelzegard stood slack-jawed, staring at the unreal sight before him.

"Mommy?"

Whisperlite unmade the world in her fury.

It of course came back, because otherwise how could they have finished their picnic, silly? They polished off the cucumber sandwiches (the finger sandwiches went sadly untouched; B-Money would later realize he should have known better), and sang a friendship song. The pegasus, who was the same color as a certain condiment that is not ketchup, thanked her demon friend for a lovely time, and he just nodded and gave her the literally gentlest of hugs, unwilling to say anything lest it draw her ire once more. He would not sleep for a week. Whisperlite went on to frolic with some fawns and groundhogs and a badger or two. It was adorable.

Oh, and it took a story, but the ponies got better. The end!

A/N: In case you forgot, that's the same demon from the fiiirst storyyyy! I like him, he's silly! :D

Pinkie Pie stood in the library's door, watching a pink tail and yellow wings recede into the distance. With a small shrug and a 'hm', she gently closed the door and turned back to Twilight, who regarded her with a look of mixed amusement and pity.

"I don't get it," Pinkie said, expression hovering between disappointment and confusion, "was it something I wrote?"

Twilight sighed. "You did sort of paint Fluttershy's alter ego as having severe emotional issues. Not to mention you went from cute slice of life to surreal horror in under two thousand words."

Pinkie grinned at her. "I'm trying something different! And Fluttershy really does have an anger problem. I mean, do you remember the gala? Sheesh!"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "How could I forget? Anyway, Pinkie, I don't think that making light of her problem will help solve it."

Pinkie turned back toward the door, as though she could see through it. Her tail swished a few times. "Yeah. You're probably right. I just won't show her my fics anymore."

"That's probably for the best." Twilight chewed on her lower lip a second, eyes scanning the ground. "Oh, and Pinkie?"

Pinkie whirled around, all smiles. "Yes, Twilight?"

"It's clear to me that you understand the difference between 'literal' and 'figurative' now." She blew an exasperated raspberry. "So you can knock it off."

Author's Note

"I waited a whole year to read this?"

Yeah, I'm sorry. :/ I dunno why this took a year to write. I guess I wasn't too invested in this one. I hope you got some chuckles out of it, at least. That said, I'm really looking forward to the next, uh, four installments? I really want to get this series wrapped up, since we're moving into three seasons past where I wanted it to be relevant to. :B Happy reading!

Pinkie correctly using 'literally' and 'figuratively' comes courtesy of kits. "Flufferbuttle" etc. come from this. Thanks to MaskedFerret and CouchCrusader for feedback! Thanks to the Bronycon writers' chat for suggestions on the monster.

The Adventures of Wondercloud and Sugar Rush

The Adventures of Wondercloud and Sugar Rush
by PartyPartyParty99

It was a bright and sunnytimes day in Pony City, and life was slowly returning to normal after the big evil attack from the evil aliens from the evil planet of Badhorsia, which happened in the last story, which you should read if you haven't already, because you need to know what happened and recaps are dumb and annoying.

Everypony was busy putting their homes back together. A huge frickin' crane in the downtown area was pulling skyscrapers up off the street because there were totally skyscrapers in downtown Pony City even though I forgot to mention them last time. It is a city, after all!

Meanwhile, in the neighborhood where Wondercloud Lightningbolt and all her friends lived (except Midnight Twinkle; she lived in the cemetery because she's a goth), they were putting their homes back together the old fashioned way, with wood from the Everlame Forest. The pony carpenters and lumberjacks had been busy busy busy all week cutting down lots and lots of trees from the forest, because A) having less lame stuff in the world is good, and B) seriously, fuck that place.

So to actually get to the story now, we pick up with Johnniepear and her older brother Bawsc being badasses. Johnnie was seated next to a huge pile of logs, which she picked up two at a time, one in each hoof, and tossed at her brother. Bawsc, who was reeeeeeally big and strong and dark red and had a cutie pahootie that was a picture of himself wearing sweet shades and holding up a pear in one hoof, would flip up and roundhouse kick the big boards. Then, one of two things would happen. Either the board would be kicked right to where it needed to be, upsetting the bucket of nails which then flew up in the air and nailed themselves right into the board, securing it in place, or else the board would break into the right sized pieces and then all that other stuff would happen. They could kick a house together in about ten minutes.

"Oh thank you, thank you!" cried a cream-colored earth pony with gothy black mane with blue and purple streaks, who was wearing black mourning garb and had a cutie thinger that looked like two interlocked wedding rings with plus signs hanging off the bottom. Her name was Mai Waifu. "Pear Family, you're the best!"

Johnnie and Bawsc leapt into the air at each other, meeting over the top of the house, where they did an epic brohoof into a pile of rocks that exploded and stacked itself up neatly into a chimney. Then they posed on the roof. It was really badass.

"Y'all're rightly welcome, Ah reckon!"

"Like a BAWSC!" (That was Bawsc's catch phrase and pretty much all he ever said.) (Also, she wouldn't admit it if you asked her, but Johnnie secretly looked up to her big brother a lot and believed she got all her cool badassery from him.)

Unfortunately, there was a flock of birds flying overhead at that moment, and they got caught in the Badassery Wave that emanated from the epic bro-chimneying. They all exploded, raining guts, feathers and tons and tons of bird poop down on Johnnie and Bawsc. Johnniepear shook her hoofsie at the sky.

"You horseshit goddamn birds!" she yelled loudly. One last bird, who had been all the way in front of the flock and thus just barely missed by the Badassery Wave, finally succumbed to the unstoppable badass that was Johnniepear, exploding and landing a tiny plop of poo right on her hat. She grumbled and got down off the roof.

"But oh, oh, oh!" sobbed Mai Waifu into her hoofkerchief, ignorant of all the badassing and poopery happening above her head, "if only you knew where my poor husband was! His name is Strum McAwesomeposture! I haven't seen him since before the aliens attacked our town! I'm ever so lonely and bereft without him!"

Johnnie and Bawsc looked at each other and shrugged.

"Ah reckon we'll keep a peeper open for 'im," Johnnie said with her funnytalk, "but I ain't rightly seen 'im none, now, gol durn dangit."

Meanwhile, across the street, Wondercloud and Sugar Rush were busy putting up the same house they'd been working on all day. It was Sugar Rush's house, and she was being kind of random in how she decided it should look.

"We need more frosting over here!" She zipped around from place to place inside the house frame while Wondercloud lugged a single, small board of wood overhead. "Ooh, and this part should look like a haunted factory! And this is where the koi pond will be!"

Wondercloud kind of wasn't paying attention to her fillyfriend, though. She was distracted by watching Johnnie and Bawsc be awesome.

"Man," she grumped to herself, "I may be awesomer than Johnniepear, but not by much. And it doesn't help that she's so strong. This sucks!" She plopped the board she was carrying down onto a bucket of nails. She was at least awesome enough that that auto-nailing trick worked, but it didn't do anything to cheer her out of her funk.

"Hey, Cloudie, don't be such a saddypants!" exclaimed Sugar Rush exclamatorily. "Why don't we take a break and get something to eat? I bet I left a sandwich around here somewhere!"

She turned as there was a huge BOOM! and the sound of a house exploding.

"Oh no," she cried, "it's Badhorsia! They've come back!" She lifted up a piece of flooring and scooted underneath it, turning into a pony-sized lump in the floor.

Wondercloud rolled her eyeballs. "No, Sugar, it's just Captain Carrotbeard acting up again."

Sugar Rush peeped out as Wondercloud pointed to a house on the other end of the area. It was shaped like a pirate ship, complete with a big cannon that was still smoking because it had just fired a large cannonball. Seriously, what did you think that BOOM! was? That very same cannonball had arced gracefully through the air to come to a stop on a house that had once been covered in flowers and pagodas and throwing stars, but was now just a pile of rubble with three very angry ninjas in it because the cannonball had really more gone through the house instead of resting gently upon it.

One of the Ninjas wore a green ninja suit and carried nunchucks. Her name was Foxglove. The second had a rose-colored ninja suit and used sais; she was Thorn. Last was a ninja in a yellow suit, named Pistil, and she dual-wielded wicked sicknasty Colt .45s that were modded to hell and back so they were really long and had big magazines and were covered in insignias and kill counts and stuff. They all used throwing stars and kunais and ninja-y stuff like that, but come on, a ninja with massive revolvers, how cool is that? Also, the only reason anypony could see them is because the ninjas allowed them to.

Anyway, they were all glaring across the street at Captain Carrotbeard, while she slapped her flank with her hook and waggled her carrot-shaped beard at them. "Yarr-harr-harr!" she laughed, and disappeared into the hold of her houseship.

This was a fairly regular occurrence in Pony City.

The Flower Ninjas (that's what they were called) looked at each other, sending mystic ninja-vibes between themselves instead of talking, and nodded before vanishing and reappearing over by Johnniepear and Bawsc.

"Oh Johnniepear-san-chan-kun-sama-hime," said Foxglove with a ninja accent, which is like a regular accent except you can't hear it because it's ninjas, "our house was just destroyed by cannon fire from our arch-nemesis, Captain Carrotbeard."

"Shoot an' shucks in the willikers, I reckon," Johnnie said, scratching under her hat.

"This happens all the time!" cried Pistil. "Could you maybe get her to knock it off, at least while we rebuild from the alien attack?"

"And could you maybe give us a hoof?" Thorn added askily.

Johnnie looked at Bawsc, who nodded at her.

"Sho' nuff we can, or mah name ain't Johnquilinda 'The Walkabout' LePear!" Johnnie said. "Ah'll go give Carrotbeard a right-up talkin'-down to, and Bawsc'll give you gals a leg or three fixin' your shack-dig."

The ninjas prostrated themselves before Johnnie (and that means they bowed really low, and not anything having to do with what's up a colt's hiney, I had to look that up) and exclaimed, "Thank you, Johnnie-bo-Bohnnie! We will be eternally in your debt!"

As the group broke up to go do their respective what-they-said-they'd-do's, Wondercloud harrumphed and pouted and crossed her hooves over her chest very grumpily.

"That sucks!" she moaned with a huff-po. "I'm the one who saved Ponylandia from aliens, but they go to Johnnie for help! What's the deal with that?"

"Maybe you don't have any name recognition," said Midnight Twinkle, who was totally there and gothy as usual.

"Name recognition?" Wondercloud tilted her head, looking at her friend who kind of wasn't really her friend but hung around anyway.

"It's like with fashion brands!" whined Fashionface, who was also there and now talking about the only thing she knew anything about. "The one with the highest advertising budget is most well known and so everypony goes to that one first!" She could talk about fashion without whining. It was a gift.

Their buttery-yellow pegasus friend Whisperlite was also there, but she didn't say anything because ladybugs.

"Well," wondered Wondercloud wonderfully, "how do I get some name recognition, then? I mean, ponies ought to know about us, and me especially, since we saved their butts and everything, right?"

All the ponies assembled nodded. "Cloudie, I have an idea," Sugar Rush began, but she was interrupted as two streaks of flying pegasudes (this is the proper plural of pegasus, by the way, not pegasi; it's all Latiny and Greeky and stuff and hard to explain) as they came in for a landing. Wondercloud's eyes got really wide as she recognized them.

The first one was a light blue stallion in a slightly darker blue flight suit with lightning bolts all over it, and even slightly-more-darker-than-that mane that was kind of crazy and mussed up like he'd just woken up or something. He looked like he had coffee in his veins instead of blood, because when he twitched he sort of moved too fast for the eye to see. He'd jitter a little bit and then suddenly be over at the edge of your vision, and he did this a lot, just popping back and forth randomly, while muttering things like, "Pies, cakes, pies, pies," under his breath. His name was Pie in the Sky and he was drooling slightly.

The second was a bright yellow mare clad in tight, tight, tight black leather assless chaps and a black leather flight jacket with a logo on the back: a letter A made out of skulls and lightning bolts and fire. She was wearing flight goggles and smoking a cigarette coolly. There on her butt was a picture of a pair of lips that were getting ready to make a kiss but they were on fire. Her name was Hotflank and she was the leader of the Awesomebolts. Pie in the Sky was also an Awesomebolt, in case you didn't realize it, and actually he was the only other one.

Wondercloud made a little squealing noise and did a small loop in midair.

"Oh my giddy aunt, you're Hotflank and Pie in the Sky! You're the Awesomebolts, the coolest ponies in all of Ponylandia!"

Sugar Rush thought that was weird for her to say. After all, wasn't Wondercloud the coolest pony in all of Ponylandia?

Hotflank nodded and bit her cigarette, which put it out. She spit it into the street. "Yup. The Princesses told us about the devastation here, so we came to help out. Where's the fire at, sexy britches, or is it just me?" She laughed, and all the ponies just kind of looked at each other and shrugged because they didn't get the joke.

"Wow, this is so awesome!" Wondercloud flew over to Pie in the Sky, who was busy watching a butterfly from every conceivable angle as it meandered through the air. "Is there any chance I could join you guys while you're here? It'd be a dream come true!"

Pie in the Sky ate the butterfly.

Hotflank went, "Pffft!" and looked at Wondercloud. "And just who d'you think you are, kid?"

Wondercloud opened her mouth, but Sugar Rush interrupted her.

"She's Wondercloud Lightningbolt, and she's the coolest pony in Ponylandia!" she said crossly. Her eyebrows got all big and bushy and frowny. "She saved everypony from aliens, you should know who she is!"

Hotflank, who was now chewing on a toothpick, gave Wondercloud a once-over. "Never heard of ya," she said out of the corner of her mouth, and spit her toothpick at Sugar Rush, who ducked it. It stuck into a board in the side of her house, standing straight out.

"Anyway," Hotflank continued continuously, "we're gonna go find the Mayor. If you want an autograph or something later, maybe we'll do that." And the Awesomebolts walked away from them, Hotflank's flanks swaying and drawing all their attention and some of their drool, while Pie in the Sky just kind of blipped from place to place behind her.

When they were gone, Wondercloud gave a dejected sigh. "Great. Not even the Awesomebolts know who I am."

"Pish-posh and pshaw!" declared Sugar Rush. "You don't have to be a Mopey McMoperson! Err, McMopony! All you have to do is do something to impress them and they'll let you join for sure!"

"And if you joined the Awesomebolts, you'd get that name recognition you need!" added Fashionface.

"This actually sounds like a viable plan, assuming you can actually impress them," Midnight Twinkle grumble.

Whisperlite didn't say anything, but then she'd also gone sort of transparent since her last scene, and if they'd looked for her, they would have had a hard time seeing her.

"Of course I can impress them!" Wondercloud said, thumping her chest with a hoof. There was a hollow rumble like distant thunder and she farted a tiny lightning bolt. "Just you wait, I'll show them! I'll show them all! I'll be the coolest pony in Ponylandia and a member of the Awesomebolts!"

"There's one thing I don't get: how can the Awesomebolts be the coolest ponies in Ponylandia if Wondercloud is the coolest pony already?" questioned Sugar Rush with questions.

"It's a matter of terminology," stated Midnight Twinkle plainly. They were sitting on a hill overlooking Pony City while Wondercloud warmed up, twirling and making awesome spirals and patterns in the air with her sweet rainbow contrail that sometimes had lightning bolts in it.

Midnight continued, "Wondercloud is the coolest pony, singular, while the Awesomebolts are the coolest ponies, plural. Though if you ask me, it's all fairly ridicu-"

"Ohhhhhhh!" Sugar ohhed. "That actually makes sense now! So even if each of them is just a little less cool than Cloudie, when combined as a team they outclass her!"

"Exactly!" smirked Midnight, feeling ever so slightly proud for having explained it so well. "Just how we, as the Elements of Awesomery, as a team, are way more powerful and awesome than we are by ourselves. We could easily outdo the Awesomebolts, for example, if we cared to."

Wondercloud came in for a landing at that moment and snorted. "Speak for yourself, Twinkle-toes," she said, pointing behind her. In the air behind her was a slowly-fading rainbow that was twisted into a soft pretzel, complete with electric sparks for salt. "I know why Sugar's here, but why are you here, anyway?"

The purple unicorn snorted back. "Because I want to see this with my own eyes. Besides, I just got here and don't own a house to have had burnt down, since I live in the cemetery and all."

Wondercloud shrugged. "Anyway, I'm all set. Now to find those Awesomebolts!"

They wandered back into town, past various ponies still putting their houses back together. It didn't take long to track down the Awesomebolts. Their twin fiery contrails streaked through downtown Pony City, as they helped shore up skyscrapers and clean up debris, as well as ferrying ponies back and forth between work sites and occasionally posing for ponyrazzi photos. They looked really awesome while doing it, at any rate.

Wondercloud cracked her knuckles somehow and rolled her neck, loosening up.

"All right, ladies," she said forcefully, "stand back and watch a master at work. I'll throw up a few Raincork Screwbows, maybe an Inverted Spiral Thunderstorm, and they'll be putty in my hooves!"

Sugar Rush held up a blob of squishy yellow stuff. "I have some non-Newtonian fluids lying around, would that work?"

Wondercloud made a :| face, shook her head, and flew off.

Midnight Twinkle gave Sugar Rush a sidelong glance.

"Dare I ask why...?"

"Sometimes," replied Sugar, a faraway look in her eye, "I'll suddenly realize that there were fluids around me that weren't there before..."

Meanwhile, Wondercloud was flying for the center of town, gauging exactly where to make her best entrance. She didn't want to get too close to the buildings, of course, and she had to make sure that her tricks would be visible from the angle they were flying.

Finding the perfect spot, she revved up and immediately launched into a series of loops and twirls, doing barrel roll after barrel roll like she was a rabbit in a biplane. The rainbow contrails twisted around each other, and soon she was tying them in knots and double knots and Gordian knots and Freudian knots, which don't even exist, but she was fucking doing it because holy shit this is some amazing aerial acrobatics we're talking about here.

Unfortunately, Wondercloud had miscalculated slightly. The Awesomebolts had already moved on to the Town Hall to hobnob with Mayor Sexynickers by the time she was done, her twists and knots and pretzels and thunderstorms just littering the sky like so much litter on the ground. Only awesomer. And in the sky. As she was ascertaining this circumstance, she plowed headfirst into a building. She made squeaky noises as she slowly slid down the side of it.

In the next scene, she decided she'd have to step up her game.

"It's time for a Sonic Awesomeboom!" she said to nopony in particular, although a pony who was washing windows up high overheard her monologuing and really had no idea what she was talking about.

Wondercloud flew up really high, at least as high as a cloud, whereupon was seated a very surprised duck or something, then she started nosediving towards the planet, which seems like a really bad idea if you don't know that this is step one of achieving a Sonic Awesomeboom. Her plan was simple: she'd fly down Main Street and hit booming velocity right in the center of town. It was sure to attract the Awesomebolts' attention.

And thankfully, her plan went off without a hitch. To an onlooker -- yes, I mean you, Taxi Driver Magillicuddy, I see you rubbernecking over there! They may put up with that kind of slacking in the taxi fleets, but you're on construction pony time, mister! Back to work! -- it appeared as though there was a big huge rainbow ribbon stretching down out of the sky along Main Street, straight for the center of town. It almost touched ground right where Main Street crossed Pony Boulevard, at which point there was a huge boom and the word AWESOME exploded outward in rainbow colors. Then the ribbon did a 90-degree (Fahrenheit) turn and took off up into the cerulean stratosphere again.

But hang on just a minute, what in the heck was a duck doing on a cloud anyway? I mean, they can fly and all, but they're waterfowl! They're not known for hanging around high in the sky. I need to do more research next time! Anyway, back to the story.

Unfortunately, setting off a sonic boom of any sort in the middle of town means that there are going to be no windows in about a two-mile radius when you're done. Ponies scattered left and right, fleeing from the falling glass shards, as Wondercloud looked back with some chagrin to see what she'd done.

"Oops," was all she could think to say before she impacted the underside of a passing zeppelin.

"This is not my day at all," she groaned, and with a light popping sound, detached from the dirigible to float gently to earth.

Tragically, the Awesomebolts hadn't even been outside to see the Awesomeboom at the time. Pie in the Sky was busy raiding some poor bakery of all their delicious baked goods, just after they'd gotten back up and running finally, while Hotflank was having an "extended meeting" with Mayor Sexynickers, which is a nice way of saying "they were totally doing it", because they were.

Wondercloud decided to give it one more try, because that's how these things go. Unfortunately, she was out of ideas, so she just waited for the Awesomebolts to wander by and started busting some sick dance moves in their direction. She had a boombox with her, so it was totally awesome.

Unfortunately, they kind of didn't notice her popping and locking and hopping and docking because they were too busy staring at the destruction wrought by her Sonic Awesomeboom. Or at least Hotflank was, Pie in the Sky was too busy flitting around and asking random passersby, "Pie? Pie?" Not if they had any, just more or less if pie existed. Most of them did not make eye contact.

"What the crap happened out here?" Hotflank demanded, wiping her lips with a hoof. Wondercloud did a 720 on her forehoof, finishing impressively on her wingtips.

"I've been trying to get your guys' attention like all freaking day!" she exclaimed. "Did you see my awesome breakdancing?"

Hotflank just stared at her. "Wait, you did this? All these windows were just fixed and washed and now they're all gone! Not to mention, crap, I just realized we've been walking in glass this whole time. What in the name of moist dragon dildos were you thinking?"

"Uhh..." Wondercloud said elocutionally, not looking directly at Hotflank.

"Look, it's nice you want to impress us and all, but we're not here for watching flashy tricks!"

"We're here for pie!" mumbled Pie in the Sky, in a brief moment of lucidity. "Both kinds."

Hotflank rolled her eyes. "No, we're here to rebuild. This isn't the time for acrobatics, it's the time for putting houses back together and shit! Princess almighty, if you want to impress us, go build a house or something!"

"Oh, I, uh," Wondercloud stammered, and then she drooped with emotional weight. "You're right. I shouldn't be showing off when there's important work to be done. I'm sorry, you guys." Then she snapped her head up, and cut a butterfly in two with the whiplash. "Well you know what? I'll impress you that way, then! I can totally build a house in..."

She looked back towards the area where she'd been working that morning and sagged again as the emotional baggage just piled on. "Half a day."

"Yeah, kid, whatever. Get back to work." Hotflank smacked Pie in the Sky with her tail and sauntered off, hips wagging seductively.

When Wondercloud was able to tear her eyes away from those enticingly leather-clad cream buns, she slowly winged her way back to where Sugar Rush was watching with sadness and Midnight Twinkle was watching with laughter.

"I knew you couldn't do it!" Midnight Twinkle said triumphantly.

"Oh, shut up," said Sugar Rush. "Cloudie, what're you gonna do now?"

Wondercloud sniffed, more in resolution than sadness. "Gonna make a house, all by myself. That's the only way I'll impress them, so that's exactly what I'm gonna do."

"Don't hurt yourself trying," Midnight snarked. Sugar Rush punched her in the shoulder and she tumbled down the hill, yelling curses and grass all the way.

Sadly, building a house by herself was way harder than Wondercloud anticipated. She tried kicking the boards into place like Johnniepear had, but she missed the mark most of the time, and one even rebounded off a wall and came back to smack her in the rump. Then she tried the orbital bombardment method, carrying up a bunch of boards into the air and dropping them into place, but that didn't work with the nail bucket thing, and they kind of just clattered off of each other. She wasn't getting anything done, and it was getting on into the afternoon. She was running out of time.

She tried pleading with the boards, but that didn't work.

She tried gnawing on them, which only gave her mouth splinters, eww.

She tried kicking the boards that were already in place, but that just broke them and then she was making negative progress, which wasn't good at all. It was, in fact, less than good.

Finally, she stomped her hooves in the air (because you can do that if you're a pegasus and really frustrated) and grumbled to herself.

"It's hopeless! There's no way I can put a house together as well as Johnnie! I should just give up on this whole stupid thing and forget about the Awesomebolts." She crossed her hooves and pouted, which was cute.

"Now hold on, apple-de-ap," said Johnniepear, suddenly appearing in the scene, "that there ain't no way no how to get goin' on buildin' a house none, Ah reckon-alutely."

"Johnnie, what're you talking about?" As a matter of fact, Wondercloud really had no idea what her friend had just said, and for the most part, never did.

"You been wastin' time all day tryin' tuh compete with me 'n mah brother, ain'tcha?"

Wondercloud looked like she'd just snuck a cookie from the cookie jar and given it to the dog. "Yeah..."

"Well, shoot and a half, Wondercloud, why don't we just work together!" Johnnie slapped her own flank and whooped. "Buildin'll take half as long if we stop competin'!"

It was like something electric clicked in Wondercloud's head, except if it had, she'd have shot sparks out her nose, which she wasn't doing, so it was kind of a dumb simile. She zoomed up into the air and spun around.

"You're right, Johnnie! Why didn't I think of it before? We're both awesome, you and me, and if we combine our powers, we can awesome some houses together in... in less than half a dozen winks!"

Johnnie waited for Wondercloud to come back down to earth and smacked her on the back. "Now yer thinkin'!"

"Hmm," hmmed Wondercloud, putting a hoof to her chin in thought. "I'll have to work on that catchphrase, though. Lickety-split?"

Johnniepear shrugged, then she said, "Hey, here come all our friends!"

Sugar Rush, Midnight Twinkle and Fashionface came over, and so did Bawsc because he'd been there the whole time. Where's Whisperlite, you ask? I have no idea. Maybe she was off being cute with kittens or something, it doesn't matter. Even if she's slacking off, whatever she's doing is completely fucking adorable because KITTENS OH MY GOD.

Wondercloud looked at each one of them in turn and smiled. "Guys, I'm sorry, I should have asked you for help way sooner. I may be the coolest pony in Ponylandia, but I'm not half as cool as all of us put together! Let's awesome up some houses!"

The ponies cheered and then set about doing just that. Working together, with their powers of awesomery, they could build a house in two minutes! That was way faster than anypony else! They built a house for Wondercloud, full of clouds and lightning bolts and also some columns; they built one for Whisperlite, with trees and birdhouses and stuff; and they built one for Fashionface with fashion and fashion and also some fashion in it. Soon, they were throwing up a huge dust cloud with all of their awesome building skizzles (that means skills, lol), which attracted the attention of not just the Awesomebolts, but every pony in Pony City!

When Wondercloud and her friends took a break after their tenth really awesome and totally customized house, they saw that they were surrounded by a crowd of smiling faces, as well as the ponies to whom those faces belonged, all cheering and stomping applause for the awesome work they had all just done.

"Congratulations!" cried Mayor Sexynickers, finally having recovered from her "extended meetings" with Hotflank. "Not only did you all save Pony City and all of Ponylandia from aliens, you're also hot tits at rebuilding homes! Three cheers for the Elements of Awesomery!"

There were, in fact, four and a half cheers for them, but who's counting?

"Aw shucks," said Johnniepear, stepping forward, "we all couldn't-a done it if it 'tweren't for Wondercloud here now then none goldurnit shucky dang-a-dong doo!"

"She's right," said a voice from somepony they couldn't see. The crowd parted and up stepped Hotflank and Pie in the Sky. "You're all really awesome when you work together."

Hotflank came up to Wondercloud -- very very close to Wondercloud -- and Sugar Rush got a little jealous and overprotective, because she does that when mares be frontin' on her womans. But she didn't say or do anything other than write Hotflank's name on her mental list, because it would have ruined the moment.

"I was wrong about you, Wondercloud," said Hotflank in a very sultry manner. "You're really awesome. In fact, I think you yourself might be even more awesome than the two of us combined."

"Really, you mean it?" Wondercloud was getting excited. No, not like that, she was hoping that Hotflank would ask her to join the Awesomebolts, is what I'm saying.

"I bet you still wanna join the Awesomebolts, don't you?" Hotflank breathed, her face mere inches away from Wondercloud's.

"Y-yeah," gulped Wondercloud, trying not to look at all the parts of Hotflank's face that were really, really attractive. "I do still wanna join, if you'll let me."

"Well too bad!" shouted Hotflank, and whip-cracked her tail, turning away from Wondercloud. The crowd gasped and Wondercloud's heart sank.

Hotflank looked back over her shoulder and grinned. "Because we're joining you."

"What?!"

The crowd cheered and Sugar Rush jumped forward to hug Wondercloud and keep her away from the leather temptress. Hotflank laughed and nodded.

"It's obvious you're cooler than us, so we'll join you! We'll even name ourselves after you! Let's see, what was your full name again?"

"Wondercloud Lightningbolt," said Wondercloud Lightningbolt, wiping away a single manly tear of joy. Where it landed on the ground, a flower sprouted, blooming with a rainbow bloom that released butterflies when it opened.

Hotflank conferred with Pie in the Sky for a hushed moment, then nodded and looked at Wondercloud.

"All right, we've decided. We'll be called..."

"Hey, Dashie!"

Pinkie craned her head around, trying to see across her room to where Rainbow Dash was seated in front of her computer. Even with headphones on, the sounds of clashing firearms could be heard thundering against Rainbow's head. There was absolutely no way to get her attention from afar.

Setting her laptop aside, Pinkie crawled out of her bed, regretting it once her hooves hit the cool wood floor.

"Soon, Mister Blanket, we will be together and warm once again," she said, casting a lingering glance at the bedspread as she moved towards Rainbow Dash.

Her first instinct was just to tap the pegasus on the shoulder, but she realized that would no doubt startle her, as Dash got very intense when she was campaigning. She opted instead to wave her hoof between the screen and Rainbow's eyes. In hindsight, it didn't seem possible not to have startled Rainbow Dash, no matter what she did.

"Agh, Pinkie, cut it out!" Rainbow's head darted back and forth, trying to see around Pinkie's hoof. "My kay-dee ratio is like fifteen to one and I've been hunting this noob for... Oh no you didn't! You flank-sucking son of a buffalo, you did not just camp my ass!"

Pinkie, who was plastered up against the nearest wall at this point, peeled herself away from it and put on a cheerful expression. "Uhh... Now that you're dead, Dashie, d'you wanna read my newest fic? It's almost done!" She hopped in place, trying to add emphasis via movement.

"Sure thing, Pink," Rainbow Dash said, not looking at her. "We've got like five minutes left in this match. I'll come read it when I'm done."

"Okie dokie lokie!" Pinkie gave Rainbow a peck on the cheek and hopped back into bed, thankful for the lingering warmth that remained between the sheets. She scooped up her laptop, settling it comfortably in her lap, and put a hoof to her chin.

"Hmm, now let's see, where was I? Oh yeah, that's right!"

Hotflank paused for dramatic effect. "We'll be called the Lightningbolts!"

There was a pause, and then the crowd applauded.

"Not a bad name, if you ask me!" said Wondercloud, nodding appreciatively.

"Ah think it makes a lotta darn sense, Ah reckon," added Johnniepear.

"Too bad it has nothing to do with anything at all," grumbled Midnight Twinkle.

"Oh, stop being such a whiner," said Fashionface, burning Midnight but good. "It's fitting!"

Sugar Rush gave Wondercloud a huge smooch-ola on the lips. They all celebrated and then the crowd went back to working because somepony who was a total buzzkill -- I'm looking at you, Corporal Couch and Pen! -- mentioned that they were all slacking off and daylight was burning. But it was okay, because Wondercloud and her friends had a big group hug, even Midnight Twinkle.

"Wow, so I guess all this time, all I needed was my friends! Thanks to you guys, I'm the coolest pony in Ponylandia again, and I totally have awesome minions!"

"Uhh, we aren't exactly minions," said Hotflank crossly.

"No, you totally are, watch this." She straightened herself up and put a hoof to her chest, closing her eyes, and then pointing with that same hoof. "Minion! Go fetch me a lemonade!"

Hotflank just stared at her, and her stare turned into a look of pure surprise when Pie in the Sky brought over a tray with an ice-cold lemonade on it. Wondercloud tousled his mane and drank it in one gulp.

"Ahh, refreshing! See? Minion. And one minion is better than none!"

"Just don't let it go t'yer head, now, y'hear?" chuckled Johnniepear.

"Aww, how could I?" Wondercloud flashed her winningest smile, which did in fact win her something somewhere. "You guys are the best friends ever. But now that I'm number one in awesomeness again, there's something that's been bugging me."

Wondercloud cast a pointed glance at Fashionface, who yelped when the points poked her.

"Ow, not so pointy!"

"Fashionface," said Wondercloud seriously, "you are by far the least awesome of the Elements of Awesomery. And if I'm gonna be number one in awesomeness because of my friends, I need to cut out some of the dead weight, if you know what I mean."

Fashionface shrank back, her curly purple mane bobbing, as all eyes turned to her. For a moment, it looked to her like all the ponies around her were dark shadows, with shining red eyes and hungry teeth. She fought back a scream.

"That's why," continued Wondercloud, "I vote we change Fashionface's Element of Whining to something else!"

Everypony gave her a weird look for a while, like she'd just spewed water ponies out of her mouth or something crazy like that.

"You can't just change the Elements!" cried Midnight Twinkle sourly.

"Ah don' see why not," shrugged Johnniepear. "After all, votin' can solve all yer disputes! It's the American way!"

"I think it's a great idea!" added Sugar Rush.

"But what would you change it to?" whined Fashionface. Wondercloud winced.

"Ooh, I know!" cried Sugar Rush, hopping up and down sideways. "You could be the Element of Bitchiness! You know..." She stood up on her hind legs and waggled her head back and forth. "Oh no you di'int, fillyfriend, snap snap!"

The ponies all wondered exactly how Sugar was able to snap her hooves like that, but then they remember that she's the Element of Randomness, so it was okay.

"That sounds pretty good, actually," said Fashionface without so much whining this time. "I could totally do that!"

"Sweet!" cried Wondercloud. "Great idea, Sugar. All in favor?"

Five hooves went up in the air. Whisperlite would never miss a chance to exercise her right to vote, after all.

"All opposed?"

"But you can't just change the Elements by voting!" Midnight cried, holding her hooves out pleadingly. "This is old magic we're talking about!"

"Midnight abstains," Wondercloud said. "The motion carries!"

They rushed in and hugged Fashionface, while Midnight pouted.

"Nothing happened, I'm telling you..."

"That's what you think, girl," said Fashionface snarkily. She snapped her hoof right in front of Midnight's face and the lavender unicorn syndrome fell right over!

Everypony laughed. It was a good day.

"C'mon, Sugar," said Wondercloud with a little yawn. "I'll walk ya home."

Sugar gave a little yay and cuddled up against Wondercloud, who put a wing around her and started back towards Sugar's house.

"But like oh no and stuff," Sugar sadly said, "we never finished building my house!" She frowned a big frown and looked down at the ground, which rhymed but didn't make her feel any better.

"Don't be so sure," Wondercloud said, nudging her. "Look over there!"

She pointed with a hoof and there, much to Sugar's delight, was her new house! Even though she couldn't remember them having worked on it all day, not only had it been completed, it was everything she'd ever wanted! Every last detail -- chocolate lagoons, tropical fruit trees, even the demolition derby arena -- was there, including a few things that she hadn't even known she'd wanted!

She squealed in delight and hugged Wondercloud and pranced over to the door, which looked like a clock made out of sprinkles and licorice. She was about to open the mushroom-shaped doorknob when she noticed something. There, between the door and the right-side window, was the toothpick that Hotflank had been chewing on earlier that day, that had stuck into the wall. Hanging from it was a small sign and on that sign was an inverted cupcake.

Sugar's eyes went wide. Her teeth chattered. Her mane got all standy-up and spiky and her whole body freaked out. Without so much as knocking on the door (why would you knock on your own door though?), she turned tail and zipped back over to Wondercloud, who had been watching here, bewilderedly, all this time. Sugar hid herself under Wondercloud's wing, peeking out and shivering.

"UmmmonsecondthoughtcanIstaywithyoutonight?"

"Sugar Rush, whoa, what the crap, settle down, damn!"

"It's there, Cloudie! On my house!"

"What is?"

Sugar Rush pointed a quaking hoof at the house. "It's right...!" But as she looked again, the toothpick and sign had both vanished. Had she imagined it the whole time? Sugar got a very urpy feeling in her tummy and made a poopie face.

"I don't see anything," Wondercloud said, starting to get worried. "Are you sure you're feeling all right?"

"That's a good question." Sugar sighed. "I'm sorry, Cloudie, I guess I freaked out over nothing. But can I spend the night with you anyway?"

The pegasus covered in cutie marks laughed. "Of course you can! It'll be fun." She gave her fillyfriend a big kiss. "You're just so random sometimes." Then she chuckled and gave Sugar a hug and they both went to Wondercloud's house for the night because she's a good fillyfriend.

THE END

The best part of Pinkie Pie's morning was checking her fanfiction sites on the Canternet for new comments on her stories. Comments always gave her a happy feeling inside, like she'd just eaten a bowl of good cream of hay soup, and it was doubly so after she'd released a new story.

So it was with high hopes that she turned on her laptop and dialed up ponyfanfiction.pon, the first site on her list.

Sitting there, waiting for her, was an entire paragraph of comment. Her eyes lit up with expectation as she read it.

TinieWings replied:

wow, I shared this with my friends and they LOVED IT! omc, your writing is so hilarious, you should really get published or somethin! we really liked Hotflank and Pie in the sky too, Hotflank is such a sexy beeyetch (*bg*) and Pie was a lovable idiot. Like, his antics were hilarious and he just didn't seem to know what was going on lol!! he totally reminds me of a friend of mine ;D anyway I really liked this and my friends too we can't wait to see what you write next! keep on partying, PartyPartyParty99!! <3

Pinkie had spent the entire time biting down on her hoof so she wouldn't scream. The comment fully read, then reread, she let out a gleeful shriek and began bouncing up and down in her bed. Gummy, disgruntled by the sudden oceanic movement of his preferred sleeping spot, slithered off the mattress onto the floor and curled up beneath the bed.

"This is so exciting!" she exclaimed. "I got a whole new fan! I love each and every one of my fans so much! I'll write them a reply, just to say thank you! I wonder who they could possibly be..."

As luck would have it, on the other side of Equestria, the mare secretly known as TinieWings was checking the Canternet at just the right time to see the reply to her message. Fleetfoot's laughter echoed through the Wonderbolts' rec room, attracting the attention of at least one of her teammates.

"What the hay are you laughing at, Fleet?" Soarin asked, leaning over to peek at her monitor.

She snarled and pushed him away. "Hey, back off! I just got a comment from that author who wrote that story..."

"Ohhh no..." Soarin's eyes widened, his pupils dilating to pinpricks.

"You know, the one with-"

"Don't say it!"

Fleetfoot's face lit up in a manic grin. "Pie in the Sky!"

Soarin groaned and hid his face while Fleetfoot continued laughing.

"Fleet, seriously, I don't wanna hear about it."

"Which is exactly why you will," said a third voice from the doorway. Spitfire smirked at her comrades before entering the room. "What was my name again, Hotfire?"

"Hotflank," Fleetfoot said, giving her team leader a grin. "And such a hot flank it is, too."

Spitfire hissed through her teeth. "Ooh, I know, I can't help it! It's all those assless chaps I just can't resist wearing!"

Soarin was now covering his head with both hooves. "Guys, c'mon..."

"What's the matter, pie boy?" Spitfire smirked at her wing leader. "Can'tcha take a joke?"

Soarin rolled his eyes. "It has to be funny first."

Fleetfoot pouted. "Aww, poor Soarin. We'll have to get him some pie to cheer him up."

Soarin's cheeks began to burn and he looked away from them.

"Yeah," said Spitfire, barely able to contain laughter, "both kinds!"

Both mares collapsed onto one another, laughing until their eyes watered, while Soarin, red-faced, made a hasty retreat from the rec room.

Author's Note

Well, here we go, the first of the next true Elements of Awesomery stories! I haven't got much in particular to say about it, save that unlike a certain side story, this was effortless to write, and I hope the rest will be so.

Also, I actually have some credits for jokes I stole! Well, just one anyway; the bit about fluids (originally liquids) was paraphrased from the roommate of Nines Tempest. It was the best line ever. Also "Canternet" was not my creation, but I'm not sure who coined the term. Just sayin'.

Anyway, I thank you for your continued support and readership. I hope you enjoyed this and that you'll continue to enjoy the series as it progresses. There's a lot more Awesomery to be had!

-Present Perfect