Diary of the Fallen Star

by Piccolo Sky

Rating: everyone
Tags: Sunset Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Princess Celestia
Length: 38092

The personal diary of Sunset Shimmer, from her days when she was hoof-picked by Princess Celestia, to her corruption, to her domination of Canterlot High School, to her redemption...

The personal diary of Sunset Shimmer: from the days prior to being chosen by Princess Celestia as her new prize student, to her ascension through the School for Gifted Unicorns, to her corruption and lust for power, to her escape to and conquest of Canterlot High School, to her attempts at atonement, and finally her redemption.

After seeing "Rainbow Rocks", I wanted to do a Sunset Shimmer piece, but I couldn't think of a good stand-alone that wouldn't come off as another "Equestria Girls" clone. I think I could come up with a "good" story if I thought of it long enough, but I'm backlogged on fanfiction dot net and I wanted a quickie. This isn't my "best work" by far but hopefully it will interest people more in my more "dramatic" work...or, heck, even my "Two Background Ponies" series.

The image I'm using is public domain.

Published 2014-10-24 16:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-05 00:50:39 UTC

Book of Beginnings

Year of Celestia 994, Midsummer, 14

My birthday is tomorrow, but I got a present in advance: a blank book. Mom calls it a ‘diary’, though. She says I’m supposed to write in it. It ‘gets my feelings out’, or something. It doesn’t matter. I know what it really is…another way to keep me busy while she and Dad are out working all the time. I don’t know why they always have to work… We have more than enough money. We’re one of the richest families in Canterlot, after all. They just have a bigger excuse not to talk to me anymore…

At least I have a bigger excuse to stay inside. I hate the neighbor kids. All they ever do is make fun of how quiet I am or when I’m too nervous or scared to kick a ball or join right into a game. They always pick me last for anything and then it’s only if they need another player, and even then they don’t want to because the other team makes fun of them because of me…

I try to tell Mom and Dad but they never listen…just tell me I need to try harder to ‘make friends’. How do you make friends? The neighbor kids make it look so easy, but if I try acting like them I just goof it up… I’d be happy if I could just stay inside all day. It’s not like I’m a good athlete or strong or anything… My family is rich but so are the neighbor kids’ families. I don’t have anything that stands out…

Year of Celestia 994, Midsummer, 18

I guess I was wrong. The one thing I hate more than having to play in the neighborhood is going to school. It’s even worse there. Now I’m not only not strong or athletic, I’m not smart either. And it sticks out for everyone to see. They make fun of me too when I’m too shy to answer a question, and the teacher gets mad when I answer quietly. The other kids always hit me with paper airplanes or spitballs, but the teacher never sees any of it…

Mom and Dad never notice a thing. And they always say the same thing: make some friends. Even when they see me crying in my room they just tell me to go out and make friends before they leave too…

Year of Celestia 994, Late Summer, 1

I wish I could crawl into a hole and stay there forever! The most horrible thing happened in class today! One of the fillies in my class put some hot sauce in my milk and I got the hiccups from it, and when I hiccupped once…my horn lit up and sent out a ball of fire that caught the board where my class put all of their drawings on fire! I burned them all up!

I thought getting my magic was supposed to make me feel good… Instead, whoever doesn’t hate me makes fun of me now, calling me ‘Dumb-set Shimmer’ or ‘Singe-set Shimmer’… The teacher made it worse by making me wear a cone over my horn that stops my magic… By the end of the day they were calling me ‘cone-head’ too! I hate school!

Year of Celestia 994, Late Summer, 25

I’m faking being sick today again too. I don’t want to go back to school ever again…or at least back to those other fillies. One of them had a birthday the other day and brought a chocolate cake to school. They served it to all their friends, then asked me if I wanted a piece. I said sure and they cut me the biggest slice and started bringing it over…then they tripped on purpose and dumped it on my mane! It took me hours to wash out when I got home, but I had to go the rest of the day like that! They kept laughing and laughing at me…and when I got upset they started saying I was going to burn down the school…

Mom and Dad want me to make friends with those fillies? Even if I knew how I’d never try! Who wants to be friends with them?

Year of Celestia 994, Early Fall, 18

I’m not going back to school and Mom and Dad can’t make me! And if they try I’ll just sneak away!

One of the fillies came up to me last week and said they were sorry about the cake incident. I didn’t believe them but they promised they were. The teacher had gotten mad at them and punished them by making them stay after class for a week, and so they said they wanted to make it up to me by inviting me over to their house to stay the night in a week. I didn’t really believe them…but Mom and Dad said I had to go to make some friends. So I finally said yes. I packed my favorite toys, my nightclothes, my sleeping bag, and then I went over after school at the end of the week. She had this great house over one of Canterlot’s lakes, right on the side of it. It looked really nice and I saw they swam in it, but it was too late in the year so I couldn’t bring my swimming suit.

I started walking up to the back of the house, meaning to knock to get in, when she and her friends came out from the bushes and knocked me into the lake! It was so cold…and I ruined my Sarsaparilla Susie! They said they were just playing and ran into me…but when I tried to get my things out of the water…someone hit me in the back of the mane with a wad of burnt-up paper. I left my sleeping bag behind and just ran home with what I had…

And can you believe it? Mom and Dad were mad at me! They told me to go back and get my things, and they wouldn’t even go with me!

If this is what I have to do to make friends, forget it! I’d rather be alone! I'll be happier without anypony!

But…if that’s true…how come the only time I cry is when I’m by myself?

Year of Celestia 994, Midfall, 10

I’m really nervous right now. It looks like my teacher finally managed to get a letter to Mom and Dad about how all the kids in school have been treating me and how I don’t seem to ‘fit in’… I thought they’d expel me for sure, and I wouldn’t care. I’d rather never go back if I could…

But it turns out my teacher’s been seeing my magic and instead told Mom and Dad to try to enroll me in a different school: Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. It makes me more nervous than ever that I’m not only going to be at another school, but this one run by Princess Celestia herself! I can’t even get in unless I pass a special test tomorrow…and it’s always different for each unicorn!

I want to get in, though… Anything beats going back to normal school…

Year of Celestia 994, Midfall, 11

I can’t believe it! I haven’t been this happy in weeks!

Ok, starting at the top… I showed up for the exam at the School, and I had no idea what was going to happen. As it turned out, they gave me a bar made of a metal called “lead”. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do with it…but as soon as they gave it to me they started to time me and take notes, so I quickly tried to do something… I pointed my horn at it and concentrated, trying to think of the first thing that came to mind. I focused as hard as I could and thought of all the spells I had heard of and saw in the beginner’s books, and finally my horn lit up and zapped it… When I opened my eyes, I had made a bar of gold!

The examiners were all shocked! They said that they expected me to turn the lead into iron or aluminum at the most. No one had ever turned it into gold before! That’s something only alicorns can do! I was so excited! They told me to wait outside while they considered my placement, so Mom, Dad, and I went and got something to eat and then came back.

A couple hours later, do you know who walked in? Princess Celestia! I couldn’t speak! She said she was going to make me her personal student! I can’t believe it! This is the greatest day of my life! Finally, I’ll have something better than all of those students who made fun of me!

I’ll show them!

Year of Celestia 994, Early Winter, 5

Only two months into school, and this is terrific! Things just keep getting better and better! Everyone in the School loves it when you’re great at magic, and I am great! Now that Princess Celestia is teaching me personally, I’m learning spells and magic faster than ever! I never had any idea what I was capable of! How much was available to me! Mom and Dad always told me that magic was something that each unicorn could only really specialize in one category with…whatever their special talent was…but she’s saying I’m great at everything! I’m already better than the first year students and I’m up to the second!

All my life I wanted to be great at something, and now I am! This is fantastic! I love it here! I love magic! At this rate I’ll be the greatest unicorn in Equestria in no time!

Year of Celestia 995, Early Spring, 17

I got my Cutie Mark today! It was right after I mastered the Teleportation spell! They say most unicorns who do it the first time get dizzy or sick, and usually end up crashing into things or stuck in walls, but not me! I did it no problem and did it two more times before I even got tired! But what else do you expect from Princess Celestia’s greatest student, hoof-picked by her? Anyway, it was a setting sun! A ‘shimmering’ sun!

I’m the talk of the school now! Even the advanced students are talking about me! It feels great! I spent years being made fun of and teased by my old classmates, but here I’m practically the best in school! It feels wonderful! Princess Celestia said how proud she was of me, too! I love this!

Year of Celestia 995, Late Summer, 29

Heh…don’t tell anyone about this, diary, but I was a bit ‘naughty’ today. You see, we got the day off at the School for a holiday since the Princess was at a Royal Summit, but my old school was still in session. So…I decided to pay it a bit of a ‘visit’…

Oh, I made sure to stay hidden of course. Not a problem thanks to my ‘Shimmer’ spell. Oh…that’s my word for a teleportation spell. I think ‘shimmer’ goes better with my name. Anytime anyone came close I just teleported into a tree or behind a bush. Easy-peasy for Princess Celestia’s star pupil. I just waited until that one student who gave me the ‘chocolate cake’ treatment came by. Well, a little levitation spell and her milk gave her own mane a good soaking. Then I waited for that other filly who pushed me into the lake. Well, heh, she sure went running for a lake when I gave her a hot foot! That’s for calling me ‘Singe-set Shimmer’ all those months!

I saw the other unicorns practicing their own spells at that school, and I can’t believe it! I mastered all of that ‘baby magic’ in the first week at the School! I really am the best spellcaster!

Year of Celestia 995, Late Fall, 16

End of my first full year, so I qualified for the year's best student. And guess who won? Yours truly, of course. As if there was any doubt. Yup, just another broken record for the greatest spellcaster in Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. I’m whipping all of the advanced students now. You should see the looks on their faces when I ace exams that they crammed for! Pft, I don’t even need to study more than a single night!

Better yet, turns out my special talent is ‘Magic’ itself! You know what that means? I can do any spell, not just ones that are special to my talent! I can even copy any spell a unicorn can do! I can usually do it better! And my magic is still improving! And soon, I’ll do any spell better than any unicorn!

I figured Princess Celestia would be happy about this…but lately she hasn’t been smiling at me as much as she used to. Instead she tells me to pay more attention to extracurricular activities and talk to more ponies… I don’t have time for that! I’m going to be the best spellcaster in Equestria!

Year of Celestia 995, Midwinter, 21

Not much to say today other than I’m still the best and brightest at Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. There’s this purple-maned kid they say is doing really well too, but please. I was chosen by Princess Celestia herself.

You know though…it’s kind of weird. I’m sitting at home, done with all my studies, practicing some advanced magic for fun…and I feel odd. Kind of like how I felt back when I was still being bullied… Not like I’m being pushed around... No way…no one can push me around anymore, as much magic as I know. Just…I don’t know…

I guess the best way to describe it is…lonely.

You know, Princess Celestia keeps telling me to ‘ease up’ on studies a bit and do more things with the other students… Every once in a while…I think it might be nice…

But then I just look back to my old journal entries. Nice…yeah. Getting chocolate cake crushed into my mane is ‘nice’. Getting knocked into that freezing pond is ‘nice’. Getting called ‘Dumb-set Shimmer’ is ‘nice’.

Friendship is the most overrated thing in the world. Princess Celestia just doesn’t know it because everyone likes her. Well of course they like her. She brings the sun and the moon! Everyone likes the sun and the moon! They like Princess Celestia for her power, not because she’s a ‘good friend’…

That’s the only real thing that matters.

Year of Celestia 996, Midspring, 8

Ugh, where does the school staff find these ponies?

Seriously, are these the best of the best unicorns in Equestria? They’re pathetic! You should have seen this kid in glasses trying to make a feather levitate! A feather! News flash! Levitation spells work on anything regardless of size! It’s all in your head! He tried and tried for over an hour and didn’t even make it shift! Finally, I stepped in and in a second I had it writing my name in cursive in the air. I told him: “That’s how you do a levitation spell. Don’t you even study? Or do you need thicker glasses?”

The teacher gave me a look at that, but sheesh… I’m an advanced student and I need to be in the same class as these babies? Why aren’t they back at my old school if they’re so bad at magic?

Year of Celestia 997, Late Spring, 20

Summer break. Thank goodness. I just started realizing how sad the student body is…

Like today I walked up to all of these unicorns practicing freezing charms to turn one of the lakes into ice thick enough to stand on. They saw me walk by and asked if I could show them how to do it really well. Heh…I plunged them all into a 20 below zero winter and dropped a foot of snow on them. I told them: “That’s how you do a freezing charm. I think what you were doing was something you use to blow out candles.”

Some annoying filly came up to me afterward, asking why I was always ‘rubbing my talents in everypony else’s face’. The nerve of that magicless mare… I saw how she performed on her last exam. So I told her straight, “Maybe if you all had a smidgeon of ‘talent’ between the lot of you, you’d all have something to show off for a change, let alone rub in somepony else’s face. Oh, that’s right. You don’t.” And then she looked as if I had just stomped on her hoof for all that. What a lightweight…

I got some summer reading in Advanced Magic tomorrow, but it’s all stuff I’ve done before. I’ll ask Princess Celestia if she can give me some heavy material. I think I’m more than ready for it.

Year of Celestia 997, Late Spring, 21

Ugh! I never thought I’d say this, but Princess Celestia makes me furious!

I walked into her office yesterday morning and I barely began to ask for the books when she gave me this ‘look’ that made me freeze in my tracks. Then she told me I had to go and apologize to that mare I spoke to yesterday! Apologize? Apologize for what?! For her being a talentless unicorn who should spend her time washing windows? I wanted to say that…but the Princess gave me that look and so I muttered that I would. I went and did it as quickly as possible then came back and asked for the books.

Can you believe what she gave me? A book on humility! What? Is this some kind of joke? Is she trying to get me to be that same pushover pony I was before I became her student? Is this the sort of thing her star pupil needs to waste time on?

Year of Celestia 997, Early Fall, 3

I don’t believe this… Celestia actually expected me to read that stupid book over the summer, and she actually tested me on it! I didn’t pass for the first time ever, so she has me doing after-school cleanup for a month! A month! It’s no problem for a unicorn like me, but…ugh…it burns me up. And when I asked her if she had any more advanced spells for me, all she said is: “I’ll teach you when you’re ready.” She also said I had to read the book in that month.

I was so upset… I went to blow off some steam. So I headed back to my old grade school. I didn’t hide this time. I let them see me face-to-face, especially when I told them all that I was now Princess Celestia’s star pupil and the best magic caster in the School…probably in Canterlot now. After that…heh…well, I just let them all know who their ‘betters’ really were. Not much more than that.

I’m still chuckling over one of their pathetic counter-hexes that tried to stop me…

Year of Celestia 997, Late Winter, 9

BOR-ING.

That’s all these new lessons that Celestia is giving me are. All crud I can do in my sleep. All spells I long since mastered. I told her I’m ready for new magic. I’m tired of being shoved in the same classes as these near-Earth-Pony dolts who might as well use their horns to scrape paint off of sheds for all the good they do them. I’m her star pupil. I want to learn real magic. I’m talking Starswirl the Bearded. I’m talking Moondancer the Graceful. Heck, I’m even talking King Sombre. I know she knows those 'dark' spells. And it would be great to learn some dark magic for a change. Beats this namby-pamby stuff like growing mustaches and summoning pies…

But no…all Celestia seems to do nowadays in our personal lessons is give me the ‘look’ followed by one of her ever-duller-and-repetitive lectures. Today it was because I saw some first year students getting all excited because they mastered a spell to remove mud puddles. All I did was give them a little ‘test’ and shoved one into them. And when she got all muddy, I simply told her she hadn’t mastered it yet, and if she couldn’t even handle something so simple maybe she ought to go home now or take up farming. Of course, Celestia talked my ears off about that again. Give me a break. I mastered that spell in a month. I just rolled my eyes and said she should find more students like me and less like that purple-maned kid I always see coming out of her office...ones who have more ambition and aren’t content just to do 'kiddie charms'.

Well, that was a huge mistake because she gave me more stupid ‘humility’ assignments and said I had to learn something about friendship that week and report back to her. Whatever. I’ve got more important things to do. After all, if she’s not going to teach me anything about real magic, I’ll just have to study on my own time…

Year of Celestia 998, Early Spring, 23

Celestia finally showed me something good today.

Now I wonder what else she’s been keeping from me…

She said since she was getting tired of me asking for more advanced magic, she decided to at least give me a “glimpse” of the things she wished to teach me. She led me into a room that only she could open. It must have been an alicorn level spell. I can’t do that…not yet at least…but I’ll have to make sure to practice.

Anyway, she showed me everything inside, but the best thing of all was this one thing she called the ‘Crystal Mirror’. I thought it was just a regular mirror at first glance, but I could sense there was something good in it…something great in it. Power even bigger than me…maybe even bigger than Celestia. I looked at it, wanting to know what it held…

And when I looked…I swear I saw the most amazing thing. Me…an alicorn! Not just any alicorn…one bearing Celestia’s own crown! I saw nothing else but that, but…but I know what it meant! I know what it represented! I’m not just Celestia’s star pupil… I have the power to be her successor! Her superior! To rule all of Equestria!

I wanted to see more, but Celestia led me away. She saw me looking in that mirror…and she had a strange look on her face… I asked her about it, but she only said the same thing she always says…I’ll learn more about it when I’m ready. I was nearly infuriated. I almost shouted: “When will I be ready?” She simply answered once I’ve learned more humility.

Oh, forget ‘humility’ along with ‘friendship’! Who needs those worthless things? All of those weak little magic users in her school are as humble as bugs and they’re pathetic! I have drive! Ambition! And I don’t have any whining little friends needing my help all the time dragging me down! I’m better than all of them! Better than any unicorn in Canterlot! I’ll be better than any unicorn in Equestria in no time! Why not show me how to be what I was meant to be? An alicorn!

P.S.

Actually, now that I think on it, I thought…for just a moment…I saw something else in that mirror… I can’t really remember what, but…I could have swore I caught a glimpse of some horrible, fiery demon…

Scary as it was...it almost looked familiar.

Year of Celestia 998, Midsummer, 12

To think…I actually used to admire Celestia… What a laugh.

That mirror has a secret. I was tired of waiting for Celestia to show me. All she ever gives me is more stupid assignments on friendship and humility. I was fine with bluffing my way through them at first…now I’m getting annoyed with them. I don’t want to waste any more time with that. I want power. That’s all that matters. Power to keep yourself safe from everyone. Power to control and guide Equestria the way you see fit. Who cares about friends when dark powers can destroy you and them in one fell swoop? Who cares about humility when it does nothing but make you hide your power for no reason?

So I’ve started to break into some of the advanced sections in the library. Turns out that I’m good enough to replicate low-level alicorn magic now…enough to break some of the weaker locks. I’m still working on the stronger ones, but for now I can read some of the special books she kept from me. I have to be careful, though. She’ll be furious if she finds out…and that stupid purple-maned twit is in the library at all hours. Study all you want, you miserable little bookworm. Like it will do you any good... Just stay out of my way.

Anyway, I’m learning about all sorts of things now. Enchanted books that pull you into them...literally… Forbidden spells like ‘Inspiration Manifestation’… Chaotic magic the likes of which Discord used… Some of the dark spells Nightmare Moon wielded…an alicorn who was greater than Celestia, I might add… And about these things called the Elements of Harmony…items with magical power greater than any alicorn… Well, only five elements might be known, but I already know what the sixth has to be: Magic. There’s no greater power than it. If only I had that element… I’m sure I’m its rightful bearer, after all.

Nothing about that mirror, though. But I’ll keep working on breaking those locks…and I will find it…

Year of Celestia 999, Late Spring, 30

I hate Celestia! She lied to me!

It all happened this afternoon… I got caught using a tickle-torture curse on my class all at once, seeing if any of them could counter it. They couldn’t, of course. Know-nothing idiots… The teacher tried to intervene, but I decided to try my hand against him for a change and I gave him a slick-shoes charm. Ha! Some teacher! He couldn’t even keep his footing for a moment!

Well, guess who showed up… Celestia broke in and was more furious than normal. Sighing, I went off to her office expecting another lecture. Well, this time she gave me a month’s suspension. I scoffed at that. “A month away from these fillies will do me good! I’m tired of having to be in the same class with them! In fact, I’m tired of having to share Canterlot with them!” I told her. “You’ve been holding me back for months! I want to know the real magic, and I want to know it now!”

She actually shouted back at me at that…gave me all this rubbish about how ‘with power comes responsibility’ and how ‘I’ve seen how you abuse what spells you already know’ and ‘if you can’t learn respect for other ponies you don’t deserve to wield greater power’. Made me want to puke. I walked out before she was done. After all, if she wanted to stop me, maybe she should have used a spell? Assuming she even could manage one that could stop me… However, that gave me an idea. Why not test a spell against Celestia? See how good I’ve really gotten? So, after stewing a bit, I decided to go back and try a little one without her knowing it was me…

Then I overheard her through the crack in the door. She was talking to a bunch of the other teachers, and I couldn’t believe what she said. Something about ‘two of them born under similar circumstances…only the destiny of one of them perhaps…I know now it was never meant to be her…’.

It sounds like there was supposed to be two fillies destined for greatness in Equestria…me…and that pathetic purple-maned bookworm. And believe it or not…after all my power…all my skill…she thought SHE was the one! And she was getting ready to do something about me! Me! The greatest unicorn in the history of Equestria!

Well, you’re too late, Celestia. That mirror you tried to keep me from…I know what it is now. I finally got a hint when I cracked one of your higher locks yesterday. It’s a gateway to another world. A world where I’ll find the power I want to become what I was always meant to be!

I’ll finish my research tonight and steal whatever book I need to finish up if I don’t. Then I’ll head into that other world that holds the key to my becoming an alicorn and princess of Equestria. You can suspend me all you want after that. You won’t be able to stop me anymore.

Nothing will.

Author's Note

The single hardest part of this fic was keeping the dates "ordered". It's actually rather hard. It's not so obvious this first installment, but the worst part was trying to get the "timing" down. It didn't help that I'm trying to incorporate the IDW back story along with the show, which is difficult.

The Crystal Mirror opens once every 30 moons. I'm assuming a standard 12 month year, so that means the mirror opens once every two and a half years. In "Equestria Girls", the pictures in the principal's office indicated Sunset Shimmer had won three years in a row, and the mirror opened right before the fourth Fall Formal. So...Sunset Shimmer had to have at least had one opportunity prior to go back to Equestria and didn't take it. And assuming that each season was a "year", it doesn't make sense that Twilight's time would have only "come" two and a half years earlier. Still, the comic made her look considerably older. I'm going with the fact that she's probably around Fluttershy's age (older than the rest of the girls).

Also, rather than try to make up twelve new months for Equestria...I went with "Early", "Mid", and "Late" four seasons. Each one corresponds to a month.

Hope I didn't mess up...

Book of Corruption

Year of Celestia 998, Late Fall, 1

So much has happened I honestly don’t know where to start…

I mean, I expected Celestia and I were not far from ‘having it out’…but I never expected what happened last night. I don’t want to go through all the details. After all, they hardly matter now. I finally gave her the business, though. Told her how I either deserved to sit in a throne at her side or in a throne higher than hers, and told her to be done with the studies and make me an alicorn princess. Yet her only answer was it was something that I needed to ‘earn’…as if I already hadn’t earned the right a thousand times over…and then she did worse than suspend me. She expelled me. No doubt, she was trying to keep me from my destiny. But like a group of guards could really stop me. And while they may have blocked the exit, I wasn’t interested in leaving the palace. On the contrary…I knew exactly where I wanted to go. And unlike Celestia, I wasn’t afraid to enter the Crystal Mirror and another world…

But nothing could have prepared me for what was on the other side.

I was transformed into a bizarre creature that could only walk on two of its legs and the other legs had been made into odd appendages. My hooves were gone and instead I have little fleshy digits that are two weak for claws but seem great for grasping. I wore clothes now. I was never much for them before, but they seemed to appear on me. My face was crushed smaller…but worst of all, my horn was gone. I couldn’t do magic! And I still can’t! I’m having to write this entry in my diary (which I was lucky enough to bring) with my teeth!

This world is so strange… So bizarre… Everything is artificial. There’s nothing in here like Equestria. No unicorns…no pegasi…no earth ponies…just creatures like what I am…each one looking at me strangely…oddly…

Like those kids back in elementary school…

At first, I thought this world was ‘interesting’…but now that I realize what’s happened…that I have no magic here…I’m scared. Magic was all I had going for me back in Equestria…and here I don’t have any. I seemed to come through the base of this statue with a horse on top of it. I almost went right back through it. I mean…without magic here, how long can I survive? But I remembered what’s back in Equestria waiting for me…so I decided against it. Maybe I’m just ‘adjusting’ to this world…

I have to find someplace safe…

Year of Celestia 999, Midwinter, 2

Well…it looks like I’ll be able to live in this world after all.

I found out in a rather “odd” way…namely by checking out the statue the next day. To my surprise, the portal had closed. It was nothing but solid stone now. I haven’t read enough in the books yet to figure out how…but I soon got a horrible shock when I heard someone say: “Good morning, Principal Celestia!” I looked…and there she was! You see, by now I had seen a reflection of myself, and I realized I still looked at least somewhat like how I did as a unicorn. And one look at that rainbow hair, that crown-shaped tuft on top of her head, and that skin…it was her. I was terrified. She had come after me! And if she knew how to do magic and I didn’t… I hid.

Yet I soon found out that it wasn’t her. Rather, it was this world’s “counterpart” of her. She’s in charge of something called a “high school”…Canterlot High School to be exact. Looking around it and the city a bit I started finding odd creatures that looked like versions of those back in Equestria. Many of them even acted the same way.

Then it all made sense to me. Of course…this is a mirror version of Equestria! Instead of ponies, however, it has these odd creatures walking around on two legs. Unfortunately…it also looks like it doesn’t have magic…

Anyway, I tried to look up “myself” when I found this out. I had a bit of good luck. “My” parents in this world are just as absent as my ones back in Canterlot. They’re off in some whole other country across the ocean half the time. And as for me…”I” ran away months ago and no one’s seen me since. That meant I could just walk right up to the front door, ring the doorbell, and have an odd version of our old servant let me right in.

So…now I have a place to stay and plenty of money and food…so I won’t starve to death or die in the street…

But what now?

Year of Celestia 999, Late Summer, 21

Been a while since I’ve written in this. I’ve learned a lot about this world and my new body. Turns out these two appendages at my sides are pretty useful for doing just about everything. I may not have magic, but they can move anything around. I learned all about how this world works and its social system too. Unfortunately…that’s not all I learned. There’s no magic at all in this world. Which means I might as well be an earth pony.

To be honest…it’s scaring me. I realize I’ve turned back to a lot like my days when I was a filly. Even the servants in the house scare me, and I spend most of the time locked up in my room. Without magic…what am I? I’ve got nothing more than anyone else in this world… Back in Equestria I was nearly an alicorn princess. Here…I’m a nobody. I’m just where I was when I started…

I honestly don’t know what to do. I can’t go back to Equestria…but I’m definitely not going to become an alicorn here. I looked at the book more and I finally found out the mirror won’t open again for another 30 moons. That’s two and a half years! Even if I do go back, nothing’s waiting for me there but Celestia and a bunch of guards…

I’m sure she’d laugh if she could see me now…watch me cry myself to sleep some nights…or hold a pillow close and just rock back and forth sniffling… That stupid mirror tricked me. I can’t live here… I’ll lose my mind…

Worst of all…even my Mom and Dad aren’t here anymore. It’s…lonely.

Very…very…lonely.

Year of Celestia 1000, Late Summer, 29

Oh no…

Early last spring I began to think my only course of action left was to wait until the mirror opened again and go back, but I don’t get that option anymore. Those servants kept pestering me to talk to “Mom and Dad” over some long-distance, non-magical device called a “phone”, and though I tried to keep them in the dark for months, they found out I haven’t been leaving the house and that I missed school last semester. Apparently, all young “humans” (that’s what I am now) have to attend in this world. However, this Fall I have to go to the very “high school” that I arrived at.

I’m scared to death. I keep telling myself the Celestia in this world knows nothing about me…and even if she did she has no magic…but that’s not the half of it. Crammed in a building with plenty of other students…students like my old classmates…calling me names…tormenting me…

I feel so helpless…so vulnerable… I don’t want to go. I curse ever going through this mirror just to be tortured for two and a half years… But there are laws here that force me to go, so I have no choice…

I’m so scared…

Year of Celestia 1000, Early Fall, 14

It’s as bad as I thought.

I’m a nobody here. Worse than a nobody. Everyone flocks to whoever is popular at sports or acting or playing music or any sorts of other things. But there’s no one here for magic…no one except some nerd kids who play with these cards that are about as magical as a pile of dirt. I hate being here and I hate having to hang out with them. I don’t know what to say to them, and in all of the classes I once again know nothing. I’ve actually started a calendar at home to start marking off the days until I get to go back to Equestria…but do I really want to go back?

I don’t know…but lately I find myself looking at the books I brought with me through the portal…

Along with the books on the Crystal Mirror and my diary…I brought my “special” diary. Whenever I wrote in it, Celestia would see what I put in it. I used to use it a lot when I was younger. As I got older and Celestia drove me more and more batty, I stopped writing in it. I had nothing to say to her, after all, and nothing I wanted her to see. But…I never threw it away. Or even kept it off of me. I have no idea why…

Maybe…I should write in it again… As bad as it is and as much as it would invite her to spit in my face…it’d feel good to talk to someone for once…to not be scared of everyone for once…

Year of Celestia 1000, Early Fall, 30

Today was a bit interesting. It seems my classmates have noticed me always sitting by myself and looking down for a bit. Two outcasts like me in particular…this fat one and this thin one. They call themselves “Snips” and “Snails”. They told me one of the teachers told them to visit me because I was a new student and I looked so ‘down’ all the time. I wasn’t interested in what they had to say at first. Their voices were pretty annoying and they rambled about stupid human things…

But then they mentioned that something that would cheer me up and help me make a lot of friends would be to sign up to be Princess of the Fall Formal. Princess…hah. What a laugh. Wearing some cheap crown in the front of a stage for a bunch of students… Some princess. It was almost cruel irony. And what would I need with friends? More people to push me around and point out everything wrong with me? What good was friendship going to do me here? Anyway, they did it without me, and in spite of the fact I can’t stand being near this world’s Celestia I thought I’d revoke the application…

Then I noticed something. There’s this one pony named Sapphire Shores who was the Princess of the Fall Formal last year…and she’s one of the most admired girls in school. Everyone always smiles at her, offers to buy her milk or things from this box called a ‘vending machine’... They always give her the best seat everywhere, and she’s always a hit wherever she goes. Popularity counts for a lot in Equestria…but it counts for much more in this human world. These students in this school seem to care about nothing else. And unlike in my world, Principal Celestia seems to care little about it stopping students from pursuing it. Even having her wayward sister, Vice Principal Luna, at her side doesn’t stop it. And apparently, becoming Princess of the Fall Formal is a quick way to get lots of popularity…

Maybe I’ll ‘go along’ with this. Some popularity would make enduring this world a bit more bearable…

Year of Celestia 1000, Midfall, 6

Winning this competition is going to be a lot harder than I thought. It seems other than “sympathy vote” for being a new student, I’m not looking at many other humans voting for me. Sapphire Shores is already practically a certainty for the next Princess. It seems some of them have been seeing how sad I’ve been looking and have offered to give me more votes out of pity, but it’s not nearly enough…

Well, on a better note, I did discover something these phones could do that I didn't know before. They can connect to something called the “Internet”. The best way to describe it is an all-purpose book. It tells you everything you want to know with a request, and it constantly keeps you updated on everyone…at least with any knowledge that’s public. Nothing like this exists in Equestria even with all the magic we possess. Turns out most of this Internet is on computers. I want to look into it more…

Year of Celestia 1000, Midfall, 13

Joining with the Internet club at school was a cinch. Those nerds are always looking for new members, and I guess they don’t see many attractive girls (I guess by human standards I’m pretty attractive…). They offered to both teach me how to use the Internet while I learn some of the “tricks” of doing things like “html” and “posting videos”. What’s a video? Oh, it’s something that actually captures a snapshot of your life. Again, without magic. Pretty impressive for this world…

Year of Celestia 1000, Midfall, 20

What a breakthrough! Those nerds gave me a stack of handwritten paper to type in for the school online newspaper. Apparently one of the stories was from their last “Green Thumb Day”, and one of the lines I had to enter was “Vice Principal Luna said as she picked a rose.” Just out of curiosity, I wanted to see what would happen if I put in an intentional ‘typo’ and wrote that she “picked a nose”.

Amazing! The next day, everyone was laughing about it up and down the hall! Luna couldn’t go anywhere without a younger student giggling at her! She came right into the newspaper office, red in the face (pretty hard with that blue face…), and said she wanted a retraction printed immediately. The staff quickly went about it and they asked the editor what was the matter with him…but who cares about all that. The point being is that one little typo was enough to make Luna the rear end of a joke throughout the entire school!

This is fantastic… Anyone believes things that get put on the Internet! Even if they don’t, it’s like gossip to the nth degree! A rumor will go around for days…weeks…months…maybe even years!

What a powerful tool.

Not to mention a useful one…

Year of Celestia 1000, Late Fall, 1

Say hello to the newest Princess of the Fall Formal.

I’d like to say it was a challenge, but…

Heh…

There were other students trying out, but apparently that pity vote made me the only real contender. I was still far behind Sapphire Shores. And I didn’t really know enough about this world and “campaign” techniques to get my vote out. Oh, what I gleaned from the computer club was enough to get out a few ads, but nothing really spectacular. Luckily I found out something even better…

Seems Sapphire Shores is the captain of the school’s cheerleading squad. Well, turns out a certain someone with a certain camera phone just happened to film her talking about how she thinks her teammates aren’t always pulling their own weight and how she thinks the football team can be ‘loud, sweaty, and obnoxious’ from time to time while she thought she was alone with a friend in the girl’s locker room. And that video just happened to make its way over the most popular social networking site at the school.

Well, the next day she was facing assaults from both her fellow cheerleaders as well as the football team, and before long both groups were rallying their friends to vote against her in the upcoming Fall Formal election. Not enough to sway everyone mind you…but enough to give yours truly a sizable majority.

I must say…it felt great on that stage in my beautiful gown getting crowned last night. Everyone giving me applause and congratulating me… I wonder if this is what it would have felt like to be an Equestrian princess… I don’t know, but for a few moments…I started to feel like my old self again. The one who was the top at the School and the best in Canterlot.

Although…it did feel a bit odd coming home after all of it was done. I had a bit of a hard time getting to sleep. I kept thinking of that look on Sapphire Shores’ face when she lost…

Pft. Who cares. Should have been as clever as me. Besides, she’ll graduate soon. It’ll be up to me to defend my title from now on.

Year of Celestia 1000, Late Fall, 13

I’ve enjoyed a nice little boost to my reputation since that walk out on stage, but now I need to defend it again. There’s a big history exam coming up. I’ve done rather poorly in it so far… Well, small wonder. I don’t know anything about the history of this world. And there’s no way I can study enough to have the edge on the other students in time. It’ll do me no good to have my new status if I fail out of school…and I can’t have that. Since being crowned princess, everyone knows me. Everyone smiles at me when I pass by. I’m a somebody in this school. I’ve got to keep that up.

There’s one possibility. This one student named Poindexter is pretty brainy. He’s been tutoring a lot of the other students struggling in history. I don’t really need a tutor, though. I could do without having to hang out with him and whatever other kids he’s giving a hand to. I need someone who can ace this test and give me the answers, then make another set of answers just as good that won’t let anyone know I copied off of them. Well…unfortunately it’s not going that well. He told me I can show up after class to get tutored like everyone else. And when I suggested he slip me some answers, he got all in my face about ‘rules’. Ugh…reminds me of Celestia.

But I’ve got to think of a way out of this. I’m actually feeling better again…not those same feelings I always had of feeling like a sore thumb and that I don’t belong in this school… I actually feel like a somebody. I can’t let one stupid test…or letting the students know I have to get tutored like a common dimwit…ruin me. There’s got to be a way…

Year of Celestia 1000, Late Fall, 14

It’s a good thing I keep my eyes open. Turns out Snips and Snails made themselves useful again.

It looks like Poindexter had them over to his house a couple times. They all like the same…what are they called…“video games”. While staying the night one night, they woke up the next morning and found him clutching a stuffed bear! When he woke up he immediately told them never to tell anyone or his life at school would be ruined, but those two rocks-for-brains got a picture of him with their camera phones to get a chuckle before he woke up! And guess what…I got it away from them!

Heh…I think I’m going to 'renegotiate' the terms of our deal now.

Year of Celestia 1000, Late Fall, 15

Looks like I’ve got 100 on my latest history exam. And for that matter, I’m going to be getting an A in history without really trying.

This “Internet” and “social networking” is too much! Now that I have some nitty gritty on Poindexter, he’ll be doing my history homework, reports, and tests for as long as I want, or I’ll make him a school laughingstock by posting this picture of him online. This is nothing like in Equestria. Rumors and slander pass so much more quickly, and I know all the tricks to make sure no one can ever trace them to me.

Snips and Snails… A couple of dim-witted buffoons that everyone, including me, takes for harmless oafs. I bet it won’t be any trouble to pass them around school to all the brainy students and get all the dirt I need to ensure I’ll be the top of the class…

Year of Celestia 1000, Late Winter, 3

Well, with those two idiots botching everything up continuously, it was hard work…but my success at Canterlot High School is assured. No more homework or tests for me. I’ve got the best and brightest doing all my assignments for me. I’m free to just hang out where and when I want in the school. Not like there’s anyone walking the halls like back in Canterlot. I could stay all night in the library if I wanted.

Only problem is it took them forever. They kept bringing me dirt on just about everyone but the students I needed. What in the world am I supposed to do with all of these other photos?

I can ignore that for now, though. I’ve got bigger fish to fry. The Fall Formal is almost forgotten and with it I’m losing my reputation again. I got to find a way to not only keep my standing in the school pecking order but see if I can’t get higher… I don’t want to run the threat of anyone being “above” me.

Year of Celestia 1000, Late Winter, 27

Can’t write long today. I’ve got big trouble. Cherries Jubilee found out about my ‘racket’. That goodie-two-shoes will never keep her mouth shut. I’ve got to think of something and fast…

Wait…I’ve got it. I’ll write more later.

Year of Celestia 1000, Late Winter, 29

Oh, Sunset! How could you be so dense to not think of this before? It’s too easy!

Those idiots gave me everything I need! Why should I confine myself to blackmailing the nerds and geeks of this little school? I’ve got everything I need on everyone else! Snips and Snails got me a photo of Cherries Jubilee sneaking away a whole bucket of her family’s prize cherries that they sell for the most to give away to her boyfriend. And before that, I’ve got a picture of her with her hands still dirty from working all day going through the bins they sell, munching away on the good ones, and getting all sorts of grime and refuse all over the others. Can we say ‘health code violation’? (That’s apparently a thing in this world.)

So…when she tried confronting me yesterday about my little system I have going, I just smiled back and told her: “Have you made sure to wash up well after trying to fling dirt on me, Cherries? It would be such a shame if you touched any type of food with those hands…or your product, for that matter.”

She turned white as a sheet. This morning I had a little meeting with her face-to-face and gave her a offer she couldn't refuse. Either she forgets about seeing anything on my little system I worked so hard to set up, or everyone in town finds out about how those prize cherries they’ve been grumbling about paying for the last month are apparently “free gifts” to certain folks. See how many people are willing to pay those kind of prices then.

That got her put in her place.

I wonder how many others could stand to be put in one as well…

Year of Celestia 1001, Midspring, 7

Seems I’m just plain a genius. I guess it is possible to improve on perfection.

By now I’ve had to get several students “taken care of” to make sure they don’t ruin anything. I figured this would be a good technique to lock in the next Fall Formal…just make sure I remove the competition. However, I should have known I could only threaten so many students to their faces before they started realizing they had a common cause. In particular, Cadance, the star student in the senior class, seemed to find out about how I’d been not only getting other students to do my work but how I also have been blackmailing others to keep quiet. And unfortunately for me, she’s a ‘saint’. Not one bit of mud I could find to throw on her. But she threatened that if I tried, she had her little ‘friends’ to back up refuting any lie I made or story I found.

She had me cornered…but only for a couple days. A new thought came to mind.

There’s another wonderful item in this world called “Photoshop”. And while Snips and Snails may not have given me anything good on her lately, they did manage to get some suggestive photos of her little boyfriend during our school’s junior ROTC…as well as some of her best friend kissing her boyfriend while other friends of Cadance were around. A little manipulation here and there…a few clever edits…an anonymous email with a picture “from a friend”…

Ha! She’s got bigger things to worry about than me now! She and her boyfriend are at each other’s throats and all of their arguing has split her friends right down the middle! She’s so upset over being ‘betrayed’ by them she doesn’t even give me a thought anymore!

And that’s when it hit me…the way to really ‘rule the school’. I should have known it all along. The primary rule of warfare: divide and conquer. All this time I’ve been making enemies blackmailing people, when so long as I just turn them against one another…they’ll be too busy tearing each other apart to care about me!

Snips and Snails were good enough to give me dirt on themselves by accident if I need it, but those two dimwits would follow me into Tartarus and back if I wanted. I’ve got an even better idea where next year I’m going to run the Student Welcoming Committee. I’ll interview each new student as they come in, get all their details I need, and then there won’t be a miserable little human in Canterlot High who I won’t dominate. I’ll be on top with no one else!

Year of Celestia 1001, Late Spring, 1

The mirror opened briefly over the past week. I used the opportunity to duck back into Equestria. Ugh…it felt so good to be able to use magic again, even if only for a little while…and in a sealed, locked, dark room. As if Celestia could really keep me trapped inside…but I figured she was waiting for me to pop out so I held on. To be honest…I thought she might come after me. But it seems without her magic she doesn’t have any power to use against me.

Unlike me, that is.

These silly humans have had all of this power for so long and none of them ever thought to use it. No one crosses me anymore. Anyone who does finds that their former friends end up turning on them, or mysterious incriminating photos and videos surface. It’s the perfect blend… I can’t be traced to anything, but deep down everyone knows I’m behind everything. That keeps me out of trouble while allowing me to have my way or the highway.

Anyway, as soon as I made sure no one was around, I used my old ‘shimmering’ (yup, still got it) to teleport out and start seeing what had changed.

Well, surprise, surprise. I’m sure Celestia replaced me the same day with that purple-maned nerd. Seems her name is Twilight Sparkle. I’d be unhappy enough if that little bookworm was replacing me…but guess what? She got the Elements of Harmony! Including the Magic Element! The element I should have gotten! My talent is magic, after all! Who else deserves it besides me?

It was actually being stored in Canterlot. I tried to get it…but no use. Celestia put her highest power lock on the door to them. I tried to force it, but it seems I’ve got more problems. Nightmare Moon has reverted back into Princess Luna, and now she watches the castle like a hawk at night. It was that little Ms. Smarty-Pants who did it with the Elements. She sensed my magic and I barely teleported away in time…

I was right all along with Celestia being too weak to keep this up if a little unicorn like her can wield the elements and she can’t… But I was thwarted. I tried and tried to think up a way to get the Magic Element but I came up with nothing. And by the time I finally worked out a system for sneaking in and out of Canterlot without being noticed, the week was up! I’m not ready to go back for good yet… Even if I could get my Element it wouldn’t do me any good with two alicorns waiting for me in Canterlot…

I need a plan…and it seems I have two and half years to think one up.

Year of Celestia 1001, Late Fall, 1

Princess of the Fall Formal again. Who knew? Oh…I’m sure the fact that my competitors felt the sudden need to drop out the week before had something to do with it… One only needed to have their main pep rally that offered free pizza end up being a ‘no show’…like she had never planned on throwing one in the first place...and left half the student body hungry and sore. The other was a bit more work, but after a touch of ‘proof’ of the candidate looking off of a friend’s exam, courtesy of a touch of forgery, Luna disqualified them.

Not too many looks of applause and cheers this time. Pft…as if I really care. I’m more than just the princess of a silly little beauty pageant and they all know it. I’m princess of this school. I’ve got everything all worked out. Everything set up to frustrate any group that tries to gang up on me. And they know that so well that I can walk about the school doing what I want, when I want. Everyone takes whatever I give them and no one dares tell me no. The best part is my grade and the freshman grade already know who’s boss around here and gives me either looks of respect or fear when I come around. The juniors and seniors know when to leave well enough alone…but soon they’ll be gone and then I’ll really run the show.

In the meantime, I found this great black leather jacket. To think, it’s made from cows in this world. I suppose I should be a little freaked out…but it suits me well. I feel ‘bigger’ wearing it…like it’s a symbol of authority.

Year of Celestia 1001, Early Winter, 13

Added another nice little “notch” in my belt today. Guess who’s going out with the star sophomore at Canterlot High School? I never was much of the ‘dating’ type. To be honest, I think he smells entirely too much after each practice no matter how much he bathes. But who cares? He’s the biggest athlete in school right now that everyone is counting on to bring home a whole deal of trophies to the Wondercolts over the next two years, and one of the most popular girls in school dated him before I did.

Well, heh, “former” most popular girl. I guess I’ll have to be taking that spot now. To think, I only had to get her classes talking about how oversized her nose was for a couple weeks and soon she was obsessing so much over it that she broke off things with Flash Sentry. And now I’ve got a nice little trophy of my own to let the other girls know who’s hot and who’s not…

Year of Celestia 1002, Early Spring, 16

I don’t even have to wait until next year. I found out there was little point to just waiting around for more enemies to try and gang up on me. I decided so long as I run this little microcosm, it aught to do what I say when I say it. So I launched some “pre-emptive” strikes. After all, I’m more than clever enough to know who’s a potential threat and who shouldn’t be paired with whom. So I started using all those phone records I’ve been collecting from new students and that are in the school database to start setting everyone against each other. If their little worthless thoughts about ‘friendship’ were really so powerful, it wouldn’t be so easy to make everyone start distrusting everyone else. It's not hard at all. Tell that ‘friend’ that someone’s tryouts were cancelled… Tell that ‘friend’ that they want them to pay for the upcoming play date… Tell that ‘friend’ that they’re skipping out on decorating for an amusement park…

And now, all my little puppets are dancing wonderfully for me. The only one who still has any power in this school is me. I own Canterlot High School. I’ve nothing to fear from anyone. Even without magic, I’m the biggest and the best in this little world!

Yet I must have overlooked something somewhere… I had to have. Because I still get that stupid feeling some nights in bed… I shouldn’t be afraid that I’m alone. Who can threaten me now, after all? I’ve taken care of everything!

But…I still don’t feel right…

Year of Celestia 1002, Late Fall, 1

Princess of the Fall Formal again. No one cheered, but that didn’t stop me from enjoying it. It might as well have been a real crown now that I’m the biggest person in school. It wouldn’t be anything to become the biggest shot in this world for that matter.

But that feeling…it won’t go away!

And I think I know why at last…

Of course I’m not safe yet or a big shot yet. Who cares if you rule over a bunch of meaningless, magicless humans? Who cares if I’m the greatest of all of them? It doesn’t matter so long as there’s a whole world on the other side of that statue of magic-wielding unicorns! That’s what I need…magic. I have to find a way to get my magic back! Think of it! If I could get my power back, I wouldn’t need to rely on these phones and computers… I’d rule this world in a heartbeat! I could make anyone in this world do anything I wanted, not just scurry out of my way and to say ‘thank you, ma’am, may I please have another’ when I kick them in the pants!

Even have them help me get the crown I really deserve in the world I really am meant to rule…

Year of Celestia 1002, Late Winter, 14

Ugh, I’m furious! Am I slipping?

Flash broke up with me! And not only did he break up with me, he did so in front of the entire football squad! They spread the news everywhere! Now everyone knows about it! I’m supposed to be the head of this school! The biggest and the best! And he humiliated me with his little rant about how I’m so selfish and mean-spirited! I got out of there as fast as I could… I couldn’t risk him doing any more damage…

Oh, I’ll make him pay. Every last member of his teammates is going to look to knife him in the back before I’m done. No one insults Sunset Shimmer! NO ONE!

This is my fault for taking him as a trophy in the first place, though. I should have known all along… By having him as my boyfriend he was spared my wrath and power. It let him get too confident and full of himself… Won’t make that mistake again…

Remember, Sunset…all this ‘friendship’ stuff is for the weak.

Year of Celestia 1003, Late Spring, 18

Thank goodness school is out for the year. I can’t stand those miserable little nothings anymore. I can’t stand running that worthless human school anymore. All of this work and stress to constantly make sure I stay on top… It’s driving me mad!

All day every day I’m putting people in their place, keeping them from getting too uppity, and, most of all, looking for anyone who’s trying to “pair up” and making sure I drive some wedges between them. I don’t even know if I’m being paranoid now. I have no real threats to my dominion of this social system. And yet…I feel scared…even, I swear, hurt some times whenever I see a few of the freshmen talking with each other. It actually infuriates me…fills me with rage. Why? Do I really have anything to fear from a bunch of know-nothing simpletons? I’m the cleverest, the smartest, the prettiest, and just all around the best student in Canterlot High School! I’m finally the princess I deserved to be!

So why do I keep feeling this way?

It’s my magic. It has to be my magic. There’s nothing else I lack! I’m tired of just being able to push talentless idiots around! I’m tired of being confined to this stupid body! I want my magic…my power! I’ve got to find a way…

Year of Celestia 1003, Midsummer, 22

I have to have it… I have to have what’s mine…

The feelings are only growing worse. I can’t believe it! Even now that I’m out of school and no longer have to deal with those stupid smiling faces and moronic giggling anymore…I feel worse than ever! I feel so hollow…so empty! It’s making me…ugh! I don’t know! It’s making me feel weak! But why in the world am I feeling worse when no one is around? I should feel better than ever when I don’t have to keep those dummies in line!

I’ve got to have my magic back… I’ve got to! It’s not just a matter of putting me in my rightful place! It’s not just a matter of taking back what was always mine to begin with! I need it! I feel like I can’t go on without it! Like I’m missing something otherwise!

Think, Sunset! The portal is about to open again… If I could get that Magic Element of Harmony, I’d have all the power I needed and more! I’d finally become what that mirror showed me! A princess! The greatest princess! The ruler of this miserable world as well as my own!

But how? HOW?!

Year of Celestia, 1003, Midfall, 24

How dare she!

What is this…some kind of divine comedy? That little bookworm became an alicorn princess?! For what?! Pulling all nighters?!

No…because she ‘made friends’! You’ve got to be joking! This is the real reason I couldn’t become one? Because of some worthless, meaningless, pathetic, childish emotion that makes you feel ‘warm and fuzzy inside’?!

None of you stupid fools know anything! What makes you a ruler…the only thing that makes you a ruler…is power! Friendship means nothing in the face of raw might and magic! Friendship? Ha! Look what ‘friendship’ has gotten the people of this world over the past few years? Something that’s so easy to break apart and grind into dust, and you’re trying to tell me such a worthless thing makes you a princess?

Well, enjoy your short-lived reign while you can, ‘Princess’ Twilight Sparkle. I learned enough from my latest visit to know exactly what I need to do in order to make myself a real princess…

One strong enough to rid Equestria of all others besides me.

Year of Celestia, 1003, Midfall, 27

Everything’s ready. My clothes vanish when I go into Equestria, but I managed to scare up a black cloak to help keep me hidden that seems to stay intact while going between worlds. There’s a “time difference”…so the only shot I’ll have is during the morning hours at Canterlot High School. It’ll be the middle of the night in Equestria then.

This will be perfect. Celestia had the Crystal Mirror moved toward the newly reinstated Crystal Empire. How? Who knows, who cares. It’s enough to know that our ‘widdle pwincess’ is going to be there for her first royal summit. But most importantly, she had the Magic Element of Harmony fashioned into her crown. Heh…smart move. After all, as the true bearer of the Magic Element of Harmony, and the true alicorn princess, I’d like both symbols combined in one.

As luck would have it, the crown bears a striking resemblance to the crown of the Princess of the Fall Formal. Good. Saves me the trouble of getting a dummy. Principal Celestia’s office is always unlocked. I’ll pop in early this morning, grab the crown, take it with me through the portal, swap it while our precious princess is getting her beauty sleep, and then head back to this world with no one the wiser. Finally…I’ll have my magic back!

Only one minor hitch to all of this. The portal will still be open for a few days… If I’m found out, anyone from Equestria can follow me through the mirror. But no worries. With the Magic Element of Harmony in my possession, I’ll be the only one in this world who can use magic. No one will stand a chance against me. But just to be safe…it’ll take them a while to realize there’s a dummy crown there. I’ll be long gone and they’ll be searching Equestria looking for it and turning up nada.

This morning…everything is going to change…

Year of Celestia, 1003, Midfall 28

That stupid, reclusive, animal-loving twit! I'll smack her over the head with her own stupid rabbit! She ruined everything!

Well…her and that baby dragon… Who in the world keeps a dragon as a pet? Apparently, our widdle pwincess does. I nearly made a clean getaway with the Magic Element of Harmony when the little beast tripped me with his tail. He woke up and caused me to stumble, and before I knew it, it was the night I went into the Crystal Mirror all over again. I didn’t have time to waste and I ran for the mirror as fast as I could before Celestia and Luna could intervene. Of course, the little bookworm tried to stop me… I’ll admit she’s not bad, but I’m the real alicorn-to-be here, and I’m better. Little twit couldn’t even use her new wings right.

Still…she managed to get the Magic Element of Harmony knocked into the mirror before me. I was right on its heels…but as soon as I was back in I saw it was gone! After only ten minutes of looking, I found that stupid nature-lover had picked it up and turned it into Principal Celestia! Dang it…she thought it was the crown for the Fall Formal!

I nearly flushed her simpering, pink-haired head down the nearest toilet for that…but I got enough just making her start crying in public. She makes this a little too easy, after all. I’ll make sure she pays for this a bit more as soon as first period ends.

After all, I’ve got to do something to calm down after the hang-up this morning. Besides, I only have to endure three more days. So Principal Celestia thinks it’s the crown, eh? Well then…that means it’s going to be mine by default anyway when the Fall Formal gets here.

Addition

Oh, this is too rich!

I go back to start making the nature child suffer for sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong, and I hear a sound I haven’t heard in quite a while…someone stupid enough to tell me to stop. And guess who it might be? Our widdle pwincess! Ha! So…this is who Celestia sends to stop me? Please…it wouldn’t matter who came in here now. It took me months to master this world, whereas ‘Princess’ Twilight doesn’t even know when to act like a pony and when to act like a human! What a joke! I can only hope she stays here until the portal’s closed. It’ll bring a smile to my face seeing her struggling not to walk on all fours from now on…

But get this… She actually thinks she is going to beat me at my own game! What a laugh! I guess all of this ‘friendship’ has rotted her brain or she might risk getting the crown back after school hours. She might actually have a chance then. But oh no…not her. She's going to try and be Princess of the Fall Formal! Her! Ms. Still-Writes-Messages-With-Her-Teeth! Yeah, heh…have fun getting used to that, ‘your highness’…

She’ll be the easiest mark I’ve done in months. By this time tomorrow the only time her name is going to be mentioned at Canterlot High School is in asking if she's the one who needs to ride the ‘special’ bus home from school.

Oh that’s right…she doesn’t really have a home to go to in this world, does she? Try the back alley, ‘your highness’. Maybe there’s a rat you can use for a pillow back there…

Year of Celestia, 1003, Midfall, 29

Aw, what’s wrong, ‘widdle pwincess’? Having trouble getting some support? And here I thought the ‘power of friendship’ was supposed to conquer anything?

Looks like I’m a shoe-in for Princess of the Fall Formal again. Oh, Twilight’s the talk of Canterlot High School, alright… I don’t think anyone’s seen anything so hilarious as her pathetic attempts to act human in years! It took me months to finally get it down! And she thinks she’s going to beat me in three days?

Sorry…two days.

Oh, I hope you do ‘stay on’ after the mirror closes, Twilight…because I’m not finished with you. Not by a mile. Especially since it looks like you did manage to win a single small victory over me… For some reason Flash is hanging all over you… Well, so much the better. I can make both of you crash together and then grind you into the dirt after this…

Or maybe I’ll just leave you in this world. Tomorrow’s my last day at this wretched school, after all…

Year of Celestia, 1003, Midfall, 30

That wretched brat! I can’t believe this! It’s impossible!

No…stay calm, Sunset. This is just a vain, worthless attempt, after all… The last act of a desperate nothing…

I had those five pegged ever since their freshmen year as girls I needed to keep away from each other. Ever since they had that sickening little photo taken. And I’ve taken great pride in how I managed to keep a wedge in between them for this long. Not sure why…only that I had a feeling that it’d be trouble if I didn’t… Turns out I was more that right. ‘Her highness’ managed to actually get them back together…and in just two days!

Together they put on some stupid little song and dance using old Wondercolt pep rally materials to actually try to get some votes together for her… Oh, the irony…looking so much like back in Equestria… I thought I’d watch just to see how much of a laugh I could get from the whole thing…and, truth be told, it was one of the dumber stunts I’d ever seen…

But some of the students seemed to like it. In fact, more than some. A lot. And I don’t know if she somehow managed to bring some Equestrian magic into this world with her…but in spite of all of my years of planning and work, a number of students I had pegged on making sure they never even looked at each other again were actually talking and laughing together…

In fact…most of them were…

How in the world is she doing that? These people have been enemies for years! I made sure of that! And anytime they got close I made sure to take care of it before they could bond together! Weeks…months of planning went into this! Yet she’s getting them to ‘break down’ after two days and a little song and dance? That can’t be! She had to use magic…but I couldn’t see any coming from her! How?

It wasn’t honestly that ‘friendship’ she’s supposed to embody, was it? No one can tell me such a stupid thing was actually responsible! That’s the only more impossible thing about this drivel!

...Right? I mean…how else could she have undone everything I’ve…

This is stupid! Now she’s starting to make me think her stupid little namby-pamby feelings are worth something!

Well Twilight, it’s too little, too late. I had a plan B in mind all along just in case you tried something like this. Now you get to see what it means to be my enemy…

Addition

I won’t let this happen! I WON’T! I’ve worked too hard for five years to let this imposter of a princess take it from me! I swear I’ll make you pay for this, Flash!

I had everything ready! I used the photos of Twilight Sparkle from yesterday properly doctored and had Snips and Snails trash the dance hall. With a little editing work, it looked just like the widdle pwincess had vandalized the whole thing. I turned in the photos to Vice Principal Luna along with a ‘big, sad eyes routine’, and that was supposed to be the end of that...

But thanks to a gang of morons, everything went to heck! They didn’t get rid of the photo originals like I told them too! And guess who found them…Flash Sentry! He turned them in and cleared Twilight’s name so she’s still in the running! Not only that, whatever she did in the cafeteria is turning infectious… It’s spreading through the school! People are actually starting to give me dirty looks without fear! Starting to avoid me in the halls… Meanwhile they’re talking more and more about her! If they really all vote for her…then I’ve no chance of winning! I can’t intimidate all of them in one shot!

I’m losing it… I’m losing my control here! And all because of that stupid unicorn! I’ve worked for years to control this world! She is not going to stop me when I’m so close to victory! I can’t now! I have to have that Element! And I will if it kills me!

I do owe Twilight one thing. She’s so eager to get back before midnight tonight that she and those new friends of hers put the dance hall back together in a flash. Snips and Snails trashed it too badly… They nearly got the dance cancelled! If that happens, I lose too!

Well…no worries. Even if she manages to win Princess of the Fall Formal, that’s not going to change a thing. You would think after meeting me she would realize that I don’t ‘play by the rules’. I do whatever it takes to win. I don’t bother with competitions or votes…I see what I want and I take it. I’ll have that crown tonight one way or another no matter who gets crowned on stage. And when I do, I’ll be the one and only true princess of this world and Equestria.

Then I’ll take what I really want… These students may be useless here, but with the power of the Magic Element of Harmony, I can make them my slaves and lead them into Equestria. Some will be useless earth ponies, but I’m sure some will become pegasi and unicorns. I’ll have my own army ready to take Canterlot and Equestria by force. And then I’ll finally, finally fulfill the prophecy of the Crystal Mirror and get what I ALWAYS deserved…

Year of Celestia 1003, Late Fall, 1

I’m…honestly…still very shaken up after everything that happened last night… I don’t know who or what I am anymore…and when I try to think of something…I’m scared…

I’ll try to explain… It…all started…when I had Snips and Snails take Spike. Spike’s Twilight Sparkle’s dragon…turned into a dog in this world…and I tried to

I’m sorry…I still don’t like remembering it…even if it’s all over… It feels a lot like it’s just begun… Let’s just say I ended up getting the Magic Element of Harmony…the thing I thought I wanted…the thing I thought I needed…and…

I don’t know what to be scared of more. What happened when I put it on…or the fact that…that…oh Celestia…I remember how much I enjoyed it… It’s making me cry thinking about it…

I really, really don’t want to write down what I did next…or think about what I would have done if I wasn’t stopped… It feels like I was living a nightmare now. It didn’t at the time. It just…just felt…horribly ‘good’ before… I would have killed Twilight Sparkle and the girls with her…I would have conquered Equestria… I would have become the ‘greatest princess’ like I thought I wanted to be…

I don’t know how…and after what she told me, I don’t think I’ll ever know how…but let’s just say I saw the power of the Elements of Harmony and the magic of friendship that Princess Celestia tried so hard to show me for so long ‘firsthand’…

What was it like to get struck by the Elements of Harmony? It’s…honestly impossible to describe. Did it hurt? I can’t answer that… Does it hurt when a caterpillar breaks open the chrysalis that used to be its skin to become a butterfly? Or does it hurt when a seed breaks itself open to start something growing on the other side? I don’t know if it does or it doesn’t…but it felt like that…

But what it felt like most of all…was that for years I had been lost in an endless nightmare, and suddenly I had a bucket of ice water thrown in my face.

I could feel it…feel what those six managed to build in just three days. Felt every bit of joy they had with each other…every moment of happiness…everything they had built just by sharing themselves with each other. Is that what friendship feels like? I don’t know, but…it felt so warm…so ‘full’… It was scary…even ached…but it filled me from top to bottom, and when it was done…it was like I had been in a car wreck…

I felt what friendship was really like for the first time. It was only for a few seconds…but…it felt so strong…so light… As long as I could remember I thought it meant nothing. That it was just a word. But…it was overwhelming… It was like I spent my whole life in a dark cave and I was offered a glimpse of the sky and sun…and even though I went back nothing was the same anymore…

All of my hate…all of my greed…all of my anger…it seemed so small now…so petty… It melted away like ice in the sun…and I saw what was beneath it…what’s always been beneath it since the day Princess Celestia brought me into school…

A scared, shy, timid little filly.

I thought I was meant to rule. I thought I was meant to have power and be a princess…an alicorn…a ruler of Equestria. But I was wrong. I wanted all those things because I never believed in anyone. Not anyone else…not myself. All I ever was in this world was scared. Scared of everyone and everything. Scared that anyone I ran into would hurt me. That they’d make me feel small and helpless. And when I found out ways that made me feel stronger than them…that I couldn’t be hurt by them…I had to have more. That’s why I wanted magic so badly. I thought if I was the best, no one could make me feel scared and afraid.

And it became an addiction. I had to have more power, more control… I had to be able to keep everyone below me. Because if someone was bigger than me, then I’d never be ‘safe’. I saw each and every pony and person as an enemy. Someone to fear. So I made them hurt and suffer so that they couldn’t hurt me.

I’m horrible… Sitting in that hole, covered with dirt, without any power or authority left…I saw the truth. Twilight was right… Oh Celestia…she was right. When I turned into that ‘thing’…it wasn’t the Magic Element of Harmony that made me that. It was me. It was what was inside me all along…who I really was…

A horrible, wretched, greedy, twisted monster…

I’m all alone again… I’m helpless again… And now…now I know I deserve to be this way. I’m just a terrible little troll…

I remember what she told me… I could either seek out friendship or I could be alone forever… I know now that’s what scares me to death more than anything…that I’ll be alone forever. And now…now I’ve all but ensured it.

I don’t know anything about friendship…and I haven’t learned after all this time. What if I can’t learn anything about friendship? What if I do spend forever alone?

I’m so scared…so scared…

Author's Note

Yes, Sunset Shimmer keeps using Equestrian dates. I figured she'd use those instead of whatever dates are in the human world, especially in her diary to keep things "straight".

(EDIT 10/4/2015): I removed a single name in order to make this story flush with the recent "Friendship Games" entry, as well as to work with my upcoming entry.

Book of Redemption

Year of Celestia 1003, Late Fall, 7

I don’t know how much longer I can live like this… When I was younger, it was bearable…but now I just wish I had never been born.

I’ve got nothing now. Everyone knows who…what I am. And I’m scared to death that somewhere beneath this miserable girl covered with mortar and dirt from trying to patch up the hole she made in the school that I’m still that horrible demon… The only thing I ever say to anyone now is “I’m sorry”, usually while I’m crying…

I never had any friends to begin with, but if I wasn’t the outcast before, I definitely am now. People trip me…throw things at me…spit on my shoes or in my face… They don’t even laugh or smile about it. They just look at me with this hateful stare… Even Snips and Snails won’t look me in the eye anymore or say a word to me.

I know I deserve all of it, but…it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

I wish this load of bricks would just fall on me and bury me. Or at least that I could stop crying for more than an hour. Or stop waking up with dreams where I’m that horrible demon again.

Year of Celestia 1003, Late Fall, 8

I can’t go back into the school until I finish fixing the front. It’ll be winter long before then, but I’m a fool if I think I’ll get sympathy. I don’t even really know what I’m doing…but the carpentry club won’t answer my questions. No one talks to me except to call me ‘she-devil’ or ‘witch’…

Well…except one person.

I jammed my finger under one of the bricks again today, and I couldn’t help it…I broke down crying again. I fell to my knees and just cried and cried. I felt something after a while. I thought it was someone who pelted me with something warm again, but I thought someone was near. So I turned and looked, and I saw Fluttershy.

I actually recoiled from her and put my hands up. I thought she’d yell at me. I know what Twilight said to her back at the Fall Formal before she left, but…I didn’t believe it. Like I said…I know nothing about friendship. I thought she was going to get revenge for everything I did…

She gave me a handkerchief with an embroidered rabbit on it to wipe my eyes.

“I’m still a little upset about everything you did, but…it doesn’t make me feel any better seeing you crying all the time either.”

I think I stared for five minutes before I took it, thinking she’d throw it in the dirt or slap me in the face with it at any moment. I managed a noise. I couldn’t say “thank you” clearly. My throat was too cracked. But Fluttershy gave me a smile anyway and then went in.

For about an hour…I felt a little better.

Year of Celestia 1003, Late Fall, 10

The “wood shop” finally got back to me with some suggestions. I started to use them for about 45 minutes. Then Applejack walked up. I tried to make myself “shrink” and not be seen, but she said she wasn’t there to give me any trouble. She just pointed out she has family members who know a thing or two about masonry and she can tell the shop students gave me bad advice on purpose. She also said I need to ask the principal if we have anything I can use for a scaffold if I want the bricks done right.

I told her “I’m too scared to ask”. Well…I mumbled it. It took me three times before she heard me. Once she did, she said she’d ask for me and also say that Sunset Shimmer really doesn’t know what she’s doing and someone with experience has to at least supervise her. I managed another weak thank you, and she smiled at me kind of like Fluttershy did. I managed to stop crying for the rest of the afternoon after that.

Year of Celestia 1003, Late Fall, 12

My favorite leather jacket was ruined. All of the work I’d been doing, not to mention being “blasted”, got it all stained and torn. I figured I’d have to throw it out after this. I was getting the upper tiers of the bricks done when Rarity walked up to me yesterday. She kind of held her nose up, but she also said for me to give her my jacket. At first I thought she was just “taking it” so I took it off and let her have it.

This morning she brought it back to me…looking like new. I didn’t understand. I asked why she was doing something nice for me after everything I did. I guess I was really asking for the girls too. She lowered her head long enough to smile at me and said: “That’s what friends are supposed to do, dear.”

Are…they really trying to be my friends?

Year of Celestia 1003, Late Fall, 20

All done. The doors came in a couple days ago, got put in, and everything’s set. I’m finally ok to go back to class…well, relatively speaking. Now instead of just having every student walk by and shove me or throw things at me or give me dirty looks, I have to be surrounded by them too.

Teachers don’t answer my questions when I raise my hands. Granny Smith pretends not to see me in the lunch line. People not only clear out of the tables I sit at; they clear out of the surrounding tables too. And everyone’s always staring at me… Some of them just look uncomfortable to have me around. Some of them just glare hatefully. I can’t say I blame them, but…to be honest, it still hurts. And every time they do, I keep thinking back to what Twilight said…

How everyone has seen what I really am…and not a unicorn…

That’s what that mirror was really trying to show me now. I wasn’t seeing some monster…well, I was, actually…but it was myself. Maybe at some point I could have become what Twilight is, but I rejected it all because I was too full of myself… I have no compassion…no understanding…nothing. Maybe that’s why she didn’t insist I come back to Equestria with her…because this is where I “belong”…a world where I have no magic and can’t hurt anyone…

Year of Celestia 1003, Late Fall, 23

I was in the hall today walking down when someone tripped me. I went on my face and my books flew everywhere. People stared, but I just picked them up and began to get up again…and someone came by and just knocked them out of my hands onto the floor again. No accident…they just did it and then looked at me as if to say “do something about it”. I bent over and started to pick them up again. While I did, another student’s foot came out and kicked my rear end, sending me back to the ground again. I still said nothing and tried not to cry…

Then I heard someone.

“Alright, everyone. You had your fun but this has gone on long enough. Leave her alone.”

I didn’t look up, just kept picking up my books. Then a blue hand came down offering to help me stand up. I shrank back again because I recognized it: Rainbow Dash. She’s always talking about how she’d thrash anyone she didn’t like. Yet when I recoiled, she just sighed and rolled her eyes and told me she wasn’t going to hurt me. After about a minute I took her hand and let her help me up. She put my books back in my arms and said she wasn’t going to force anyone to be my friend, but if anyone harassed me again like they did just now, tell her.

I was surprised. I asked if she was really willing to “look out for me”. She rolled her eyes again and said: “Well, duh.”, as if this was the most natural thing in the world.

Is that what friends do? I guess it is… I mean…part of the reason I made people hate each other was because they’d stick up for each other if they didn’t…

I…just never heard of anyone sticking up for me…

Year of Celestia 1003, Late Fall, 30

Things have…really changed.

I still get the stink eye from some people, but mostly it’s just down to uneasy stares and people wanting to avoid me. I don’t get picked on anymore. After I ran into Rainbow Dash, I started noticing things. When someone was getting ready to throw a paper airplane at me in math class, Rarity reached out and gave them a light “smack” on the head with her notebook. When someone in the hall was walking up to try and push me into the lockers, Fluttershy suddenly stepped in front of them and started showing them some picture of “adorable baby puppies”… When one of the football players “accidentally” threw a football at my head while I was walking outside, Rainbow Dash jumped out and snatched it out of the air before it could hit me. When I got cornered by some students and they started giving me a hard time, Applejack and her big brother walked up and asked if there was a problem and chased them off. And when some of the girls were gossiping about me where I could hear them, Pinkie Pie suddenly poked her head out of the garbage can and gave them a weird look that made them slowly walk away. (Don’t ask what she was doing in the garbage…it’s “Pinkie”. Everyone’s kind of used to it by now…)

Finally, today Pinkie said her “unbirthday” party for her pet alligator was coming up and asked if I’d like to come. I thought it was a joke or a prank. But…I’m starting to realize it isn’t. After everything I did to these girls…after trying to kill them…they’re really doing this all for me. I don’t understand why or how…but…

You know that “hollow” feeling I kept getting? It…actually felt a little less hollow… I felt kind of good…

I still remember what happened to me when I was a filly…but I said yes. For some reason, I’m not as scared or nervous now as I was then. I don’t think these girls are lying…

Year of Celestia 1003, Early Winter, 11

I guess I’m officially “learning about friendship” now.

The girls do everything together now. I can tell they’re friends. But they always invite me along anyway. I guess…that kind of makes me their friend too. I say I don’t really “feel” like I’ve earned their friendship, but they tell me there’s only so much you can do to “earn” friendship. At some point it takes an “investment” from someone else to really start something.

They’re showing me how I can start by trying to emulate them. Offer to help students. Smile and be nice. Ask people how their day was. Give someone a helping hand when they’re having a hard time. Make someone who’s sad smile. A lot of it is about being concerned with other people. I’m nervous about that, because I wonder who’s going to look out for me if I’m always worried about others. But…I think the girls already showed me the answer to that. If I’m looking out for them and they’re looking out for me, then we’ve got each other’s backs.

Year of Celestia 1003, Early Winter, 26

I think I’m starting to get the hang of this. I already knew a lot about everyone else before this started…but now I’m actually trying to get to know them. It’s not exactly “easy”… The girls are the only ones willing to talk about themselves around me… But I think I’m getting better.

I try to do what I can around them now. I offered to help Fluttershy build some animal nest boxes now that it’s getting late in the year, and to help Rarity carry materials for her fabric shopping near the holidays. I also gave Applejack a hand with her cider sales. I’m talking to the girls more and trying to help encourage them instead of the other way around. Rainbow Dash was mad because she twisted her ankle the other day playing hockey, and if she tried to play on it she might make it too bad to try out for soccer next year, meaning she’ll have to sit the season out. I told her it’ll be alright. Everyone knows she’s the best and now she has extra time to practice for the next soccer season. And I meant it too. She actually seemed to feel a little better after that… I also told Pinkie Pie that I really liked her pink lemonade cupcakes, but…I really can’t tell if I made her any happier for that because she’s always happy…

It’s weird… I was trying to make the girls happy…but…I’m the one who felt like smiling afterward…

Year of Celestia 1003, Midwinter, 9

Rainbow Dash says she’s “climbing up the walls” since she was forced to get benched for hockey season, and the last few home games got snowed out anyway, so she said she’d like it if we formed a band to pass the rest of winter away. She already gave it the name the “Rainbooms”. Actually, while I was still spending most of my nights at home alone, I used to practice a bunch on guitar… But I didn’t say that. Rainbow is so proud of her own guitar playing that I don’t want to look like I’m trying to supplant her… So when they asked, I just said I couldn’t really play or sing anything.

Pinkie Pie said that was ok; I could be the band’s “roadie”. I asked what I was supposed to do.

She said: “Mostly you just step out before the band starts to play and say: ‘Check one, two, three…’ into the microphone, and if it falls during a performance you have to run out and pick it up and give it back to who’s singing as fast as you can.”

Seems easy enough…

Year of Celestia 1003, Midwinter, 20

The band is still practicing, but there was a school bake sale for the holidays. I made some cupcakes for it and I offered them at half price before it was done. I sold a grand total of seven…three to the same person. You can guess who she and the other four were.

I’m getting better at “not crying”. Just because I always feel terrible doesn’t mean I should show it. I’m not alone anymore, after all. Still…it was really hard when I offered one to one of the younger freshmen…Diamond Tiara, I think…and she made a big scene saying I probably put poison in it loud enough for a dozen people to hear. I had to excuse myself for a bit there…

The girls said not to let it get to me.

I’m trying. I really am.

Year of Celestia 1003, Late Winter, 11

New Year’s Craft Fair came up. I showed up because Rarity is revealing her new line of spring wear even though winter still has a ways to go. Plus, Pinkie Pie was running a hot chocolate stand and she said I should come along to help her sell some and to make sure she doesn’t drink it all herself.

Rarity's dresses were a hit… That is…they were a hit as soon as I found somewhere else to stand. At first she called me over, saying I’d create an “aura of popular opinion” or something by having people look interested in them. So I did. About an hour later…she “suggested” I go help Pinkie Pie when it turned out people were staying away from the area around me like it was plague infected.

I don’t blame Rarity. I’m not mad at her at all. I know I deserve it and it's true… Still…I’m trying my hardest to get along with my friends. It’d be nice if I wasn’t “bringing them down”. As soon as I stood with Pinkie Pie, no one even came near my side of the stand, and they didn’t buy a single cup. She was selling them like hotcakes before. Just like last week when I went to the last hockey game of the season to cheer Rainbow Dash since she was well enough to play in that one, not only did no one want to be around me or join in when I cheered, they soon blamed me for lack of “oomph” because the other team, naturally, cheered louder…

Didn’t help when one of the students from the other school bumped into me when I was leaving and said: “Hey, aren’t you that freak girl who turned into a demon a couple months ago? How come they haven’t buried you in an unmarked tomb already?”

Year of Celestia 1003, Late Winter, 14

On break…and one last big snow is hitting us this year. This stinks. I’m stuck in my house…alone.

I know I shouldn’t be sad. Moreover…I know I don’t have the right to be sad. But…it really hasn’t been that long. A lot has changed, but I still remember. Like I said…it feels like a bad dream…a nightmare…but it’s a really, really vivid nightmare. No matter what the girls say to me or what I do, I can still remember everything I was feeling and thinking back at the Fall Formal. How little all of the students I now want to accept me meant to me… How I could only grin as I thought of Canterlot burning… How I planned to look at Celestia’s broken body and demand that she kneel before me after all this time…

Most of all…I know I planned on destroying the people I call my friends now. Nothing can change that.

It keeps ringing through my head like the sentence of a judge. Everyone knows who I really am. And deep down that hurts more than any insult. If I knew it was just people “getting even” or not trusting me I could stand it, but… Was that horrible monster what I really am deep down inside? Is the only reason I didn’t become an alicorn human like Twilight did…because I’m really just a greedy little demon?

What if that is what I really am? What if I’m lying to myself trying to be something different? What if that’s the reason I can’t fit in?

Stay calm, Sunset… It’s only been a couple months. You can’t expect results overnight…

Or overweek…

Or overmonth…

Or…overyear.

Year of Celestia 1004, Early Spring, 2

The girls and I got back together to try out our first song after they’ve had weeks to practice. I didn’t really “play” of course…just watched. But I saw something amazing.

For a moment, the girls started to turn into their Equestrian forms! (Oh, that’s what they became the night I…nevermind.) I don’t know how it happened. The best I can figure is that when Princess Twilight Sparkle united with them, she either transferred some of her alicorn magic into them or she somehow “transmuted” the friendship they had in this world into the same kind of Equestrian magic. Don’t ask me why it only comes out when they sing in the band, though… It’s really amazing any way you look at it.

And…I couldn’t help but feel bad on seeing it.

I don’t think its jealousy… It can’t be. Ever since the Fall Formal, yet another thing hanging over my head is what Twilight told me before we started… About how I had ruined this world so much without being able to do a basic cantrip, and how bad I’d be if I had my power to do magic as well… No…it’s not that. At least not directly…

None of these girls were ever Equestrians, let alone unicorns. But they can do magic because of the power of their friendship. It’s what unites them together and makes what they have special.

And…here I am. I go to their events, I help them with assignments, I hang out at slumber parties and their get togethers…but while they’re using Equestria magic I’m sitting quietly at the side…

It shows the truth as plain as the nose on my face: I’m not “one of them”. I’m an outsider looking in. Deep down at the heart of it all…I don’t belong with them any more than I belong anywhere else. I’m as much of a fake at being a friend as I am at being someone who “rules the school”…

Year of Celestia 1004, Early Spring, 27

Winter break helped “mellow things out”. Principal Celestia is back to talking to me like I’m a normal student again, at least. And no one teases me anymore…just looks at me like I’m going to bite them and turn them into a zombie if they let me get within five feet of them… I guess school is “manageable” now.

There was actually a bit of an argument with the girls today. I confessed to them that I was worried about who I “am”…if what I used to do already defined me. They tried to reassure me by pointing out flaws in each other…like Rainbow Dash and Applejack are a bit too obsessed with winning and being “number one” from time to time and Rarity won’t stop thinking about fashion… Well, it kind of escalated from there…

It broke up eventually, but I had to cover up my mouth in a hurry and duck out while they were still doing it. Otherwise they would have seen me smiling at the whole thing.

Get this straight…it’s not because I thought it was funny or enjoyed watching them fight. It isn’t. It’s because I liked finding out that sometimes even the best of friends are “flawed” and don’t always get along.

I don’t think I’ll ever be anything like them…but it gave me a bit of hope I just might fit in at school one day…

Year of Celestia 1004, Midspring, 16

The girls agree that I’ve “improved” enough with them to try and go to others now…to try and make friends with more people. So the past week that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve been offering to help out with studying or hard problems, giving a hand with projects, helping carry things when a student is loaded down and has a cafeteria tray…I’ve even tried to help the little kids use the water fountain.

It’s no use. Some of them say a curt “no thank you”. Some of them look like I’m pointing a weapon at them. Some of them give me the cold shoulder. Some of the little kids…including the new students at school who found out about me…scream and run like I’m a witch from a fairy tale.

I can’t blame them. Who am I kidding? I’m never going to live the Fall Formal down. Not if I stay imprisoned in this world for another 50 years. I can’t erase the fact that I broke down the front of the school and enslaved them all. I can’t erase how I used them…how I could have twisted them into demon servants….

I can’t stop seeing that horrible face every time I try to sleep…

Year of Celestia 1004, Midspring, 30

I had to beg Principal Celestia for two weeks…and my friends had to back me up more than once…but she finally agreed to let me again handle the welcoming committee for school. I’m getting more than one dirty look already and I can hear them whispering behind my back, saying how I’m “going back to her old ways”. But nothing could be further from the truth.

I guess I know “what it’s like now”, after all. Any time a new student came in I used to poison them against everyone else… Now it’s come around on me. Any time a new student comes in, the whole school does the same thing to me. The only chance I’ve got at ever making any new friends besides the girls and being treated like I’m not a black sheep is by welcoming new students into the school. Boy, is this ironic… I used to do everything I could to new students to terrorize them and get them under my shoes…

P.S.

Actually, I feel like noting something else today. I noticed this a month ago. I guess it’s the sort of thing only I would notice… Whenever I’m not hanging with the girls the only thing I can really do is sit around and watch people walk by or the grass grow… These three girls in hoodies keep walking by the school. They’re not students though. They always just look around a bit like they’re searching for someone… Weird.

Year of Celestia 1004, Late Spring, 4

Busy day tomorrow. Who would believe it? First time I’ve had one in a long while.

A lot of tomorrow will be devoted to finishing up the banners for the upcoming school Musical Review this Friday. But after that’s done, and after I go to practice for the Rainbooms, I’ve got to hurry and get to the front of school. Vice Principal Luna is having me escort a trio of new students around. I got to make sure I make that on time. Not only do I need to give the vice principal a good impression, I need to make sure I get to them before any other student does and they “warn them” about me…

I could skip practice, I guess. I mean…I don’t exactly need much practice being a roadie. I’m still waiting for Rainbow Dash to drop her mic for the first time… And it’s not like they need six people working on the banner… Not like anyone else is going to need my help.

Year of Celestia 1004, Late Spring, 5

Oh no…are we in deep trouble… This is the worst thing that’s happened since…well…me, I guess…

Those three students can’t be human. To tell the truth, I kind of got a bad vibe from the first time I ran into them. They looked “different” to begin with…and they kind of reminded me about how I used to act… But I didn’t say or do anything then because I wanted to give them a chance just like the girls gave me a chance. All along though I knew something was wrong. That condescending attitude…the way they kept trying to tell the “loud” one in the group to shut up and how she kept saying odd things…and how they looked at all of us with that same look I used to give “fresh meat”… Only, in their case…they actually did look “hungry”…

I didn’t want to start off talking bad about new students so I kept it to myself most of the morning. It wasn’t until lunch I admitted I didn’t feel too good about them to my friends.

But what happened next was much worse than I thought. They walked in and just “broke out into song”. To be honest, the last time something like that happened was back when Twilight was running against me at the Fall Formal, but this wasn’t nearly as good. I could see it in the eyes of everyone around. They looked like they didn’t care about anything else in the world but those girls singing… It wasn’t anything to me or my friends, but…they were singing about things I used to care about…being “on top”…“number one”… And to my shock, everyone suddenly started arguing…almost fighting again…again, almost like back in the day when I ran things…

But worst of all, this green mist seemed to leak out all over the place, but only the girls and I could see it. And it went right to their necklaces… I still remember how I gestured toward one before and their “ringleader”…Adiago…something. She looked like she practically wanted to bite my hand off when I was going to touch it…

They got everyone demanding that we don’t do a musical review but some “Battle of the Bands” instead. A competition; although from the way everyone’s talking they make it sound more like a war… We went to Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna and I told them all about it, and…and…

Well, the long and short of it is those things got to them first and sang to them, so they’re wanting a Battle of the Bands too.

Ok…that wasn’t all. When I tried to tell them about what was going on...

They accused me of trying to cause trouble.

Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie assured me that whatever spell those things put on everyone, those two were under it too… But I wonder. What if this was just some “hidden feeling” that came out? What if that’s how they really thought the whole time and they’ve just been humoring me…?

Anyway, forget that. The fact is this is bad. I vaguely remember one of my lessons back in the day about dark magical creatures. Things called “sirens”. These three act a lot like what Princess Celestia taught me… Of course, these aren’t “merponies”, but that doesn’t mean a thing. They’re using Equestrian magic, even if it’s dark, which means they came from Equestria. If they’re real sirens, they’re near immortal, which means it could have happened anywhere from a couple decades to a thousand years ago. I haven’t told the others…because I’m not sure they’re interested in hearing it from me… They’re talking mostly about while Twilight Sparkle would say…so I’ll just keep it to myself for now. But the fact is they want to have a Battle of the Bands which means somehow they’re going to feed more from something like that…

Although it seems kind of weird. If all they wanted was a bunch of people to fight to give them something to feed, and they’ve been here for years, they could have done this long ago. Why now?

Seems I might be a help after all this time, though. The girls need Equestrian magic to stop them and break the spell, which means Princess Twilight Sparkle needs to come back. But that mirror isn’t going to open for almost another two years and we can’t wait that long.

But I still have my diary from when I was Princess Celestia’s student. You know…it’s kind of funny. I don’t know how many times I’d dig through my old things and find that and tell myself to throw it away or burn it. And yet I never did. Something kept telling me I’d feel more “alone” and unhappy if I did…that I’d lose a chance I’d never get back…

I wonder…did a part of me really just want to stop being who I was and go home all along?

I don’t know, but right now I just hope Princess Celestia still has her copy and that she’s willing to hear a “letter from a student”… I told her all the details. Everything that would help her conclude they’re sirens if they really are. Now I just have to wait and pray along with everyone else…

P.S.

One more thing confuses me, though… The girls are the ones who have the Equestrian magic in them, and by now we’ve reached the conclusion that this is keeping them from falling under the spell of those girls. Must be due to their friendship.

So…how come I’m not affected either?

Year of Celestia 1004, Late Spring, 6

Well…Princess Twilight Sparkle is back. She looked as if my hand was going to claw her when I offered to help her up after she fell out of the portal in the statue for a few moments…but she ended up taking it. I think she agrees with the others that I’m “different” now. Wish I could say the same… Everyone’s happy and enthused now. They’re sure we’ve got things in the bag, and I guess I should agree…

So why do I get the feeling that things are going to get worse before they get better?

I guess I have good reason to. There was supposed to be a pre-Battle of the Bands party in the gym today; another suggestion of our new students, I’ll bet. (Twilight confirmed what I thought all along, by the way… They are sirens, which means the school is in big trouble…although I’m still wondering why here and now…) It drives me nuts to see Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna agreeing with them and praising them for every little thing as if they’re trained monkeys… Even at my worst I could never make them do what I wanted. Anyway, getting sidetracked… The girls tried to unite and take them out right then and there…but nothing happened. If that wasn’t enough, those three (call themselves the “Dazzlings”) milked the opportunity to make everyone madder, especially at the Rainbooms.

It would have been great to break their spell there when all the students were around…but we have an alternate plan. Twilight’s an alicorn and she can write spells of her own. So…all she has to do is write a spell in the form of a song. Since the girls can transform while they’re playing, all they have to do is perform that song at the finals when everyone is together and everything will be fine. So now it comes down to Twilight making that song…

She was going to sleep in the library like she did last time, but luckily Pinkie had a better idea. We were all headed to a slumber party at her house anyway, and seems like there’s room for one more.

P.S.

Something else I noticed. The Dazzlings used the failure as a chance to get more people mad, but I also saw them looking at the girls not in their normal “maliciously grinning” selves and say something to each other... It’s been so long and I was blowing off class at that point…but I thought I remembered hearing something about how sirens love to devour magic more than anything else… And I was wondering why they’re showing up here and now of all times…

They couldn’t…

Addition

Just real quick because I need to get to bed. I don’t really know what to say…just…

I was hungry so I headed into the kitchen around midnight when everyone else was going to bed and I saw Princess Twilight Sparkle there looking frustrated. We got to talking a bit, and…and I was a little surprised at what I heard. I went ahead and told her that I was tired of how everyone expected me to become a monster again at the drop of a hat, that no matter what I do they always see me for who I used to be…

Turns out she’s actually got kind of the same problem. She says everyone always expects her to “take care of everything”, “have all the answers”, and “make everything better”. That they just need to rely on her and she can always be good and perfect and flawless.

You know, when she put it that way, I guess being an alicorn princess isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Even back when that’s all I wanted…all I ever thought about was the power and dominion I’d have. I didn’t think of the fact that if I’m looking out for everyone, it’s a lot of work and a lot of responsibility. And I never really thought about how I and everypony (heh, been a long time since I said that word) would always just think: “Everything’s going to be alright. Celestia will fix everything.” And that’s what I would have had if I had gone through the whole way… You know, it’s not really any better to get stereotyped for “being good” than “being evil”. It’s still a stereotype any way you look at it.

I guess…we’re more like each other than just having our special talent be magic.

Who would have thought I actually have something in common with the princess?

Year of Celestia 1004, Late Spring, 7

Ok, correction from yesterday. I am definitely afraid now in spite of the Princess of Friendship being here. Frankly, we could use a little more from her…

I don’t know if that charm is having a “latent” effect on everyone or if it’s just our little nuances coming out, but things are beginning to seem a little…testy. It didn’t help out this morning. We practiced Twilight’s first draft of her spell, and…er…aside from driving off pigeons and breaking glass, I don’t think that “spell” is going to have much of an effect. But we’ve got worse than that. Rainbow Dash is getting a little overbearing… I know she’s Twilight’s friend but I could see the look on her face yesterday when we decided she should be lead singer for the spell. She wants to show off her band during this event even though we should focus more on just stopping the Dazzlings…and it’s starting to bleed over. She always seems to get Applejack’s goat, but I can tell the only reason she’s not arguing with Fluttershy for not using any of her songs is because she’s so timid. Pinkie’s getting sick of all the work we’re doing any not having any fun while we’re at it, and all Rarity seems to think about is how our costumes…I mean, their costumes should look.

We practically missed sign-ups for the Battle of the Bands this morning, and when we did get there, it seemed like we were everyone’s personal “band to beat”. Even to the point where they tried to sabotage the Rainbooms’ performance! Did they hate us that much after that failed spell yesterday? Or…does this have to do with the way they were looking at us? I don’t think they were that mad yesterday…

The only thing making everything worse is that the girls are trying to “sing balanced”: enough to be good enough to get to the finals, but not good enough to where they show off their Equestrian forms early. But the Dazzlings have to already know about it. Everyone in school does…

I tried to tell them that once or twice, but…I thought I’d just make some of the arguing worse…

Year of Celestia 1004, Late Spring, 8

This isn’t right…this can’t be right…

We’re advancing through the competition, but…but honestly Twilight doesn’t look any closer to finishing the spell. The girls are getting worse. Whatever magic is protecting them isn’t impenetrable. I’ve kept my eyes open. (What else am I supposed to do as a roadie?) The Dazzlings are talking to everyone they can behind their backs. I don’t see the green smoke when they do…which means they have to be trying to get them against us. And I think it’s working. I thought Flash Sentry was all about Twilight…but even he’s turned against her now. Everyone just sees everyone else as an enemy now, but we’re the “worst of the worst”.

I should say something… I should…but…

But what does it matter? My little attempt to confront the Dazzlings today went horribly… I think they ended up forcing me in the same corner I forced Twilight less than a year ago…and they put out in the open what I’ve known all along: I’m no good to those girls. They don’t need me for anything. They can do the Equestrian magic without me…they can play the band without me…they don’t mess up enough to need me for anything… The only thing they’ve been doing for six months if pitying me and going out of their way to make me feel included… Giving and giving and giving…

And what have I given back? What can I give back? The only thing I’ve ever given anyone is trouble. The only thing I’ve ever done for anyone is make them feel bad. I was a nobody before I had power over magic…and all these years later I’m still a nothing. With Princess Twilight around and the portal apparently open for good, I’m nothing but a “seventh wheel” to begin with…

When this is all over everyone will love Twilight and the girls again…and I’ll be right back to being hated by everyone again.

At least things can’t get any worse for me…

Year of Celestia 1004, Late Spring, 9

Me and my big mouth. This is what I get for trying to help my “friends” for a change… Even when I was “evil” I don’t think I was this hated…

Semifinals were today. The Dazzlings beat the pants off of Flash Sentry’s band. That might be good(now he can be angry at them instead of Twilight…). It was up to us against Trixie’s group. (Sometimes I think that girl’s trying to take my old position…) But right before we went on, I saw it. Something got into Rainbow Dash. I don’t think they charmed her yet…but they did somehow bruise her ego and that’s just as bad. Before I knew it she was playing as hard as she could on stage trying to grandstand…enough to where she was starting to transform…

I don’t know if the Dazzlings know about it yet, but if by some chance they didn’t, I couldn’t let everything be ruined… So…I panicked. I ran in and tackled her. A little too hard…I ended up ruining some instruments…not to mention almost everyone saw it. Soon everyone was staring at me as if they wanted to burn holes into me with their eyes. Flash…shouted something…that I don’t feel like writing down again… I keep telling myself he has every right when I used him…and that right now he’s just under their charm…but…

Even the girls were mad at me. They said I should have done something else if I wanted to stop the performance. And they got at each other’s throats again…again over all that dumb stuff…

It feels like I’m the only one who’s still 100% committed to stopping the Dazzlings…and if that’s the case we’re doomed.

We’re playing into their “trap”. I know it… But…what can I do?

When I tried doing something I just failed…

Year of Celestia 1004, Late Spring, 10

I got it. It all makes sense now…

I guess I should start by saying where I’m writing this from…underneath the band stage. As for how we got here, it’s a long story but I’ll try to sum up. By all rights we should have lost yesterday to Trixie’s group after I messed the performance up, yet I saw the Dazzlings entice the Principal and Vice Principal again and when they did they declared us the winners. Naturally, this got everyone furious…especially Trixie. She vowed to get even right then and there. But I didn’t see why they hypnotized them anyway. What good would this do the sirens? Did they want more to feed on? How would it let them feed on us?

The next day we set up to debut during the finals of the Battle of the Bands when Trixie got her revenge. She used the old trap door to get us stuck under the stage, where we are right now. The only door in must be barred from outside. And with everyone under their spell, no one’s going to break us out of here. Spike got free, but…he’s going to need more than paws to get us out…

I had no idea what they were going for with this, but as the hours have passed and Trixie has set up above us and played in our place, I noticed tensions were getting high all around. Everyone was starting to drag up the same stupid stuff and got angrier and angrier.

Then, finally, I've started to put it all together just a little while ago. We’re right here…under the stage…where the Dazzlings are going to perform. They’re sirens and they want Equestrian magic to “eat”. They want us here while they perform their “big finale” overhead…at the end of the Battle of the Bands…which has to be their “harvest time”. And here we are…hot…cramped…getting on each other’s nerves… They want us angry at each other… They want us to start fighting just like everyone else and

No! I can see that same green mist coming from them! Leaking up through the floorboards…

I might be the only one who can see it now... I’m the only one not arguing…

I don’t care what they think…I’ve got to snap them out of this!

Year of Celestia 1004, Late Spring, 11

It’s past midnight, but…I’ve got to add this. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it…

I guess…to start with…I just want to say I feel…good. A lot better than I've felt in a very long time. Maybe ever.

~~The girls~~…~~the girls~~…no, I finally got them to stop fighting. I finally spoke up and said everything I’d been seeing. And when I confessed…to my surprise, Twilight admitted she was wrong about this, that she should have seen the goal was to feed on our friendship all along. There was a time I would have rubbed that in her face…but I didn’t want to. I really, honestly, truly didn’t want to. I just told her what I really felt: that she doesn’t have to have all the answers and that’s what we’re here for. At any rate, we all made up, got that green smoke to go away…(I said a prayer that the Dazzlings hadn’t gotten too big of a helping already…) and then Spike and the school DJ bailed us out. (Headphones… Why didn’t I think of that?)

Again, I couldn’t do much as she set up some equipment for them, the girls “suited up”, and then got ready to sing. It was almost too late. The Dazzlings actually managed to turn into “half-sirens”…kind of like how the girls turned into half-ponies…and before I knew it this turned into a real “battle of the bands” as the girls transformed and began to fight it out with…well…I don’t know how else to say it besides "magic singing". They put their power together, and I thought I was going to see it as a “bystander” this time… But they did something bigger and better. They became even stronger forms and started using…I don’t know…something I can only call “rainbow power”… Even when the Dazzlings began to make little “magic sirens” of their own I thought they had this…

And…then they lost.

I didn’t know what to do or think. I could only stare. I thought Princess Twilight and the girls could do anything…that they were stronger and more powerful than anything or anybody… I didn’t want to think it was “over”, but I didn’t see anything else that could happen…

Until I saw that mic land at my feet.

I think somewhere in my head I thought of Pinkie saying the job of a roadie was to pick up the mic and get it back as soon as possible… Funny… First time I got to be a roadie, and I was only standing there staring, unable to do anything…

Then the princess looked right at me. She said five words that I never thought I’d hear from anyone for the rest of my life…

“Sunset Shimmer…we need you!”

Someone needed me.

I didn’t know what to do. I was more scared than any other time in my life combined. There I stood…a nobody…a monster…a demon…a failure in every sense of the word…someone getting by just on pity…someone who lived on the generosity of others and couldn’t do anything in return…

But those words kept echoing through my head. Princess Twilight…who could do anything and beat anything…who got her power from her friends…was asking me for help. The only people she needed in her life were her friends…and she was saying she needed me. She needed her friend.

My friend needed me.

Then, suddenly…it was gone. I couldn’t see the demon in my mind anymore. I couldn’t feel heavy or small or cruel anymore…because I realize I didn’t care what happened to me. I didn’t care what I felt. I didn’t care what I was scared of. The only thing I could think of right then and there was that the school needed me. My friends needed me. Princess Twilight Sparkle needed me. And I wanted to stand and help them. And I knew that I wanted to stand and help them. Not because I wanted power…not because I was scared of myself…but because that’s what a friend does.

I don’t even know where it came from. Was it magic? Was it a spell I tried to make myself at one point? Was it just my heart “making it up”? All I know is I took off my jacket, took up the mic, and I joined in. It wasn’t hard… Not at all…it felt like more than natural. It felt like it was the only thing in the world I could do at that point… And it fit in. Not too loud…not too soft…it just became “one” with the girls… There I was…singing right alongside them…giving my all…with them…

And I realized something that almost made me want to break down again.

I was one of them.

It…felt wonderful. I thought it would be odd, but it wasn’t. It felt like I was becoming my “true self” when my hair started growing longer and I sprouted the same ears that they had. More than a unicorn…more than a human…more than anything I had ever been before or what I thought I had been… For the first time in my life, I was who I “should be”. They say there’s only six Elements of Harmony…but Princess Celestia said “it could have been either of us”. Maybe we “shared” the Magic Element for a moment…but I was one of them…and I could feel it. All of the love I had for them…all of the love they had for me…and for a moment we were all one. I felt it only a moment at the Fall Formal when it was strange and painful… Now it felt like we were “resonating” with each other and making each other stronger while we became stronger.

I saw it…something totally new… A giant alicorn in the sky made of magic derived from friendship… My magic… Our magic.

Princess Celestia…I think I finally understand why you always told me I’d never be anything if I didn’t learn friendship first and foremost…

Well, needless to say…after that the spell was broken, the Dazzlings pendants were destroyed, and they were run out of town by the school. For a moment…I almost felt sorry for them. I mean, by all rights I should have been run out of town myself… But then I realized better. If there had been any “good” in them, then that spell would have brought it out like it did with me. Instead, the very first thing they tried to do was enslave the students again and feed off of them as soon as they had their power destroyed. That’s why Starswirl the Bearded banished them from Equestria in the first place. He knew that while most people in the world have the potential and even inclination to become good…there are a couple like them who’ll just keep hurting others. They may learn someday…but they can learn somewhere else.

The rest of the night was a lot better. I mean…a lot better. I still can’t believe it. I’m trying not to tear up while I’m writing this…or just pass out from exhaustion. I thought there was such a difference between me and the girls that I couldn’t ever be anything like them no matter how hard I tried. That I’d always be an example of everything Princess Twilight Sparkle wasn’t.

But…I guess that’s why I was protected from the Dazzlings all along too. I must have gotten the magic of friendship in me at some point.

I still won’t say I’m anywhere close to the others and definitely miles from Princess Twilight…but…I think I took a ‘giant step’ tonight after months of ‘inching forward’.

Year of Celestia 1004, Late Spring, 12

The princess is headed home again. Who would have thought…I’m as sad as the others to see her go and as happy as the others to know she can come and go whenever she needs to. I realize that also means I could “go home”…but I’ve learned something else by now. This is my home. I may have been the best at magic in Equestria but I’d trade that any day for the friendship I’ve found in this world. Besides…the princess doesn’t need another unicorn whose power is magic in that world. :)

Things are looking up. Already, people aren’t giving me dark looks anymore…and I finally got a chance to show off my guitar playing. Heh…even Rainbow Dash had a hard time keeping her eyes in her head after my demo. Looks like I’m filling Twilight’s void in the Rainbooms. Seems I’m also going “back to school”. Not Canterlot High School…although I’m still in for now. I mean I’ve got another princess making me her personal “star pupil”. She tells me I must learn about friendship and report my findings back to her via that diary I have.

She tells me the last student Princess Celestia gave that assignment to learned a ton from it, and I’ve got no reason to doubt her.

But…that brings up one more thing.

It’s been over five years now…but I’d like it if I had some closure. I left a door open in my life a long time ago…and I think it’s time I shut it now that I’m making a change. I already wrote it in my diary and asked if Princess Twilight could forward it to Princess Celestia. I’m sure she’ll get it…but I reprinted it here just so I could remember it all. Here it is:

Dear Princess Celestia,

I’m not really sure how to begin this. Trying to write to you as if this was like ‘old times’ is too much of a stretch. I know the last time we saw each other face-to-face, we didn’t exactly part on ‘friendly terms’…and it’s likely we’ll never see each other again… I don’t know if you’ll ever find it in your heart to forgive me, but even if I think you will I have no right to ‘presume’ it on writing you. But…here it goes…

I wanted to say I’m sorry. I was wrong about everything…and you were right about everything. I had no right to be an alicorn princess. I didn’t even have a right to my own magic. You were trying to teach me what really mattered all along and I just threw it behind me. For years I thought the only way to respect and love was to be powerful. But all I was doing was being a coward…thinking the way to feeling good about myself and “safe” was in grinding other ponies into the dirt, both verbally and emotionally as well as physically. I only saw the reflection of an alicorn princess in that mirror…not seeing what was really behind it: a miserable, ugly demon. You saw all along what I was becoming, but…I was too afraid and too selfish to see it. You were right: Twilight and me may have “started out similar”, but it was always Twilight Sparkle who deserved to be the Princess of Friendship.

I want to thank you for being more patient with me than I deserved. And I want to promise you I won’t cause any more trouble in this world. I won’t come back to Equestria. I have ‘real magic’ in this world…the only type of magic I never mastered on my own: friendship.

I’m through boasting about my talents now, princess…but I’ll boast one more thing. I may never become a shadow of a pony like Princess Twilight, but I will “ace” the last exam you gave me. I’ll “master” friendship…and one of these days I hope you won’t think of me as a failed student but as one who had to “go overseas” to learn her last lesson. Someday I hope I’ll be someone you’re proud of.

Your once-and-future faithful student,
Sunset Shimmer

It felt good to get that out. I don’t know if I’ll ever get a response, but…I feel I’m moving on a bit more because of it. I feel I’ve really shut the door to my old life, and to the mare I used to be. I guess a part of me really does want to go back to Equestria and a part always will, but like I said, I actually feel like this is “home” now. I guess wherever your friends are is where you can call home. Heh…I guess that can be what I learned about friendship for the next upcoming les

There’s a response being written in the diary. I’ll transcribe…

Dear Sunset Shimmer,

Don’t think because I gave the diary to Princess Twilight Sparkle that I “gave up” on ever getting a response from you. After hearing what happened the first time she went through the Crystal Mirror, I thought she would need it more than me, which is why I gave it to her following her becoming the Princess of Friendship. You’re not the only one who is “still learning” after all these years. I’ve come to believe in Twilight the same way you have…that there is nothing she and her friends cannot do. That where even I cannot succeed, she will. I knew that as soon as she came back and told me how you had changed. And after returning to me a second time, I’m all the more convinced that giving her the diary was the best thing to be done.

You could not have asked for a better “teacher” or a better friend. I am confident that she will succeed where I failed. And yes, Sunset…I did fail with you. Part of what you became is my fault. I thought that things like humility, compassion, and friendship were concepts to be “taught” like any other spell. But I was wrong. Twilight had to learn them for herself. I was able to give her a “nudge in the right direction” from time to time, but some things in this world cannot be learned from a classroom or a book. My biggest regret is that I had to fail you in order to master how to go about teaching Twilight correctly.

That is where I fell short…and the reason I couldn’t stand to go into the mirror after you myself like I should have. If I confronted you…I would have had to face how I “messed up” with you as a “trial run” and then “refined my technique” with Twilight Sparkle. That was my greatest disappointment and my greatest crime.

I hope you will forgive me for that one day.

As to the rest of your letter…

You saw a demon in that mirror, yes. You saw what was in your heart…what had the potential to come out of it. But never forget what you saw first. There was the possibility there that you would become a demon…and perhaps it’s still there to a much smaller degree…but do not ignore the fact that there was also the possibility that you would become an alicorn princess. And I assure you if you were to look in the mirror now you’d see an alicorn looking back at you. My guess is you’d see one who looks a lot less like a prideful, cruel despot and more of one who is kind, warm, compassionate, and devoted to others.

After everything that has happened and everything I’ve heard from Twilight, I must also tell you that you’re incorrect telling me that I was right about everything. I once said that of the two of you, the only one destined to become a princess was Twilight Sparkle. You remember me saying that all too well, I’m sure.

I was wrong. There was always the possibility that it could have been you…or both for that matter. And that possibility is more strong today than it ever was.

I’ll close this letter with my final lesson to you that I hope you always remember –

No one is a failure who has friends.

Eternally yours,
Princess Celestia

I...guess I’ll have to ask Twilight to pass on a thank you next…but…maybe the princess already knows… She always did seem to have a way of “knowing things”.

It’s getting late, so I’m going to call it a night and wrap this up.

For the first time in a really long while, I’m actually looking forward to waking up tomorrow.

Author's Note

Celestia's letter was actually closed with a quote from one of my favorite movies: "It's a Wonderful Life"...the lesson George Bailey learned at the end of everything. A lesson Sunset Shimmer learned too.

Hope you enjoyed!

Book of Ascension

Year of Celestia 1004, Early Fall, 3

Heh, been a while since I’ve dusted this off and written in it. Most of my journal writing nowadays is in my “other” diary. I guess that’s another good thing about having friends…you find people who are more meaningful to talk to than books. But I still think it’s a good idea to reflect on what’s going on from time to time, and I figured now that school is back in session this is a good time to go over it.

That’s right…I’m still in school. I was a senior last year, but, to be honest, I’m only getting the full experience now. This is where my friends are and although I’ve mastered most of this world I still have some deficiencies to catch up if I’m going to be living here the rest of my life… So I had a bit of a talk with Principal Celestia and mentioned how I had cheated on pretty much every last test I had ever taken at Canterlot High School until a year ago before school resumed. As a result, she had it put on my record that I’m still deficient in grades and I need to repeat at least one more year. I think I might very well be the only student in history happy to be held back.

Things have gone well at school. I'm not the "black sheep" anymore. I guess joining in to help the others defeat the Dazzlings kind of was enough to finally overcome my reputation. Other students aren't ashamed to be talking with me or hanging out with me anymore. Never thought I'd be so happy to be...a "normal" student. Time in school was good my last few days of the previous term, and they’re good so far this year.

I’m still feeling a bit awkward for right now… You see, Rarity got the idea that if I really wanted to make a completely fresh start, I needed a new look. She suggested I dress in blue, of all colors. Dash obviously loved the idea but I was more than standoffish. I asked her wouldn’t it clash with my “fire” style?

“Oh no, dear.” She told me. “Think of it as the sun rising on a new day with this sky blue color.”

A new day. That sold me.

To help drive it home she did some highlights to my ~~mane~~ hair. First time I changed the style in years, but it gives a lighter color now. She also insisted on giving me a new jacket. That was…more of a problem on my end, but she said the studs were too “biker”. I protested that I actually liked bikes. Back when I still “ruled the school” I blackmailed the driver’s ed instructors into letting me take them for a spin once in a while. We eventually settled on a compromise…I lose the studs but gain a racing stripe.

One other thing… I went to Vice Principal Luna about it and there was some argument, but in the end she agreed that if I really wanted to make a “fresh start” that it was for the best and allowed it.

She granted me permission to go in the trophy case and remove my former pictures of me winning the Fall Formal.

It was a tad painful to look over them. I barely recognize the girl in those pictures anymore. Even the one from freshman year who looks so happy and cheerful. I know exactly what she did to other people to get that fake feeling of pride and admiration. Seeing her pumping her little fists in the air as if she’s so admired and loved when she had to poison other people against one another to get that for herself… And, of course, it only got worse from there. The girl got meaner and crueler. This victory, just like her position in the school…it started off as a stimulant like a drug, something to chase away pain or depression. Then it grew into a full-blown addiction. At long last, it became a necessity.

Fluttershy later asked me when she saw the picture frames in the garbage can if I didn’t want to at least take the first one home…if I didn’t feel just a small bit of pride in it. I answered her that I didn’t. The Sunset Shimmer who won that competition only cared about herself and making herself feel powerful and safe. The only achievement it showed was how far she was willing to hurt other people to get ahead in life.

It isn’t something I ever want to think about again.

Aside from that moment, I guess the only other thing I should report on is talking to Princess Twilight Sparkle. Funny…we barely ever saw each other as we “really are”. I have a hard time not picturing her hunched over a table with a pen in her teeth and her hands forgotten and unused hanging in the air. I’m not sure I can even write with a pen using my magic anymore… But it feels great to talk to her, even when I’m just writing a letter about what I learned about friendship this week.

I guess I still like the “validation”…how I’ve spent almost as much time with her as an enemy as well as an ally, and yet she still calls me her friend. How she can learn something about friendship even from someone like me.

Phew…this is a lot for the first new entry in a while. I’ll try to keep it more frequent so I don’t have to do this too often from now on…

Year of Celestia 1004, Early Fall, 4

Oh Celestia…I am psyched. But what does this mean?

Ugh…forgot this isn’t my diary to Twilight…I’ll have to start over…

I ended up staying late yesterday and trying to get more of an edge on the literal piles of books I still need to catch up on for this year and headed to the roof for some fresh air. There’s a window in the geodesic dome in the library that’s never locked so getting out was a cinch. While I was up there, seeing as it was big and open and the other students had already gone home for the day, I figured I’d try out that song I had been working on for the Rainbooms.

I ended up getting pretty “into it” and moving around, and while I was trying to finish it I suddenly felt energized and lighter. Almost like back in Canterlot when I was using my magic, or back at the Battle of the Bands…or, and this was the wild part, almost a little like back when I put on the Magic Element. So I looked down and, to my shock, I was flying. Not only that, but I had grown flaming wings and a pony tail!

I was scared when I realized what had happened. I thought something was making me turn into that demon again… It wore off soon enough and I was back on the ground, though, and after thinking about it I realized the fires weren’t the same kind as they were when I was corrupted. Those ones had felt hot and smelled like brimstone… These ones were…I don’t know…“warmer”. Like sunlight…or a hot fire on a freezing day. It seemed almost like when I ponied-up that one time (oh…that’s the name Dash gave our new transformations…it’s kind of odd to me considering I still consider myself human in that form, but I guess they feel like ponies in theirs… Heh…almost makes me wish I could take them into Equestria so they could really know what it really feels like to be ponies…).

But that doesn’t make any sense. I was singing, not playing my guitar. And the rest of the girls weren’t with me. It’s definitely odd. But I’m just concerned about it for now. Since it’s not “the demon”, then I don’t have to worry about it doing anything bad. I’d like to know why it happened though…

P.S.

One other thing before I forget… When I was headed down from the roof, I thought I noticed something. The city bus pulled up outside Canterlot High. I think someone got off just to take a picture of the school or two. They got right on the next and went on. Weird. Then again, I wasn’t really paying attention. I might have imagined the whole thing.

Year of Celestia 1004, Early Fall, 16

The first couple weeks back in school have been interesting. Now that I’m hitting the books harder, I’m…actually doing great. More than great. I’ve aced all my quizzes so far and I don’t see any reason the first round of tests shouldn’t be the same. I’m a little stunned I’m taking to the material so easily. Principal Celestia said if I keep this up she might end up looking foolish for holding me back a grade.

To be honest, everyone in Canterlot High School has been doing better since Twilight first showed up in this world. While…well, let’s admit it…what I did here for four years didn’t exactly help the situation that much, the truth is this school was never quite as “cohesive” as it could have been. Definitely nothing like Equestria. But following her run for the Fall Formal, everyone has gotten together. The “Magic of Friendship” apparently hasn’t been confined to me and my friends, but it’s spread.

Smarter students are helping struggling ones pass classes. Athletic students are helping non-athletic ones train. It took a little while to see the results, but apparently our school is moving up in regional rankings. In our opening soccer game for the year we beat the Griffonstone Griffons. We haven’t beaten them in twenty years. Another senior just won a scholarship. No one’s done that since that one student who was the head of the senior class my freshman year…Cadance (had to look it up in my journal…oh boy, I think I'll steer clear from here during the class reunion).

While I’m still a little surprised I’m doing so well, I also kind of see why. For most of my life I spent my time fearful of others or trying to find ways to backstab people and twist them against each other. What I used to think was me being so clever and brilliant was really me fighting day and night to maintain my control on the school. I didn’t have time for studies any more than friendship. But now that I’m actually trying to learn, I’m a bit fascinated.

I’ve shared some of the things I’ve learned already with Princess Twilight. Heh, to be honest, I think one day when I was sitting in front of the statue writing about chemistry, the portal rippled. I think she nearly gave into the temptation to burst in and find out about it. Seriously, though…science is pretty remarkable. Humans used to believe in a lot of magic in this world too, but eventually they used science to explain it and now harness it in their machines. Actually, I think the only “real” magic in the world is what’s here at Canterlot High School.

Oh, speaking of which, the student body seems to have “accepted” not only the fact that there’s students who can use Equestrian magic but that Twilight could pop in from another world from time to time. Well…I’d say that’s weird, but considering the fact the humans think the world where I come from doesn’t even have a sun and moon that rises and sets on its own, and I think I can understand them getting used to several things.

There was actually an assembly at the beginning of the year that was “off the books” in which the principal and vice principal told the student body to keep it a bit of a secret. I can understand that. I realize now what very well may have drawn the Dazzlings to this school in the first place was what happened the night of the Fall Formal. Goodness knows how many other things from Equestria have found their way into this world over the millennia…

Year of Celestia 1004, Early Fall, 23

Here’s something I definitely never thought I’d do.

I’ve been talking on with Twilight about the magic that seems to be permanently present in Canterlot High without the Magic Element of Harmony or her being here, and I started getting into science theories I heard of such as the Law of Conservation and Thermodynamics. All of these theories ended up leading her to suggest I try researching the magic myself.

Well…I never really thought of myself as much of a “nerd” like Princess Twilight (hope she never reads this…), but I’ll admit I’m going great in school. I breezed through the first round of tests no problem and I’m at the top of the science classes. And the school has all sorts of facilities for this sort of thing. So maybe it’s worth a shot.

Year of Celestia 1004, Early Fall, 25

So much for science.

The girls were more than happy to help out with all of my research but, aside from finding new ways to blow myself up and risk death from electrocution (not to mention about five thousand dollars worth of property damage to the school), I found next to nothing.

When I told Twilight about it, she laughed at the whole thing. She said it was just like the time she tried to research “Pinkie Sense”. (I don’t think even I’m nuts enough to try making any discoveries about Pinkie Pie…) She said not to worry about it.

Well…that might be easy for her to say in Equestria, but I’m realizing that both times magic came out a lot more people than those at school had to have seen it. I’ve been worried that other people might start suspecting something is up with the school and start poking around it. After all, I experienced firsthand what happens when someone tries to use magic that “doesn’t belong to them”… The fact that the girls have proven humans can use Equestrian magic themselves means that other humans might try to get their hands on it.

But I think what gets me the most is I can’t shake the feeling that, in spite of what she said, if Twilight was here she would have discovered the secrets already. Why not? She may not have all the answers but she always seems to get us going in the “right direction”. The best I am at the moment is an “apprentice in friendship”.

On that note, walking home yesterday, I passed by the bus stop a couple blocks down. This one person in a hoodie shoved by me with a backpack overstuffed with what looked like sensors; like a multimeter, a plumbing sniffer…even a Geiger counter. They were trying to catch the bus before it left so I didn’t get a good look at them, but they looked like they were coming from the direction of the school.

I think I’ve seen that hoodie before.

Year of Celestia 1004, Early Fall, 4

I started keeping an eye out for any more individuals with a hoodie. Turns out it was good timing. I had just shown up after school, thinking there was some sort of new emergency going on when Dash called me up. Turns out all she needed as a guitar string so that we could show off our “pony” forms to other students. Well, that turned out to be rather bad timing, because Vice Principal Luna caught us and let us (mostly Dash) have it. She said the whole purpose of the assembly had been warning the students against carelessly leaking the secret that we have magic at this school, and we just flaunted it “on a whim”.

Both she and the principal seem to be worried about keeping our school in a good “reputation” nowadays…

I actually wasn’t there at the time. I was outside writing to Twilight, seeing how she was doing and telling her about how things at school had been going. The truth is I probably said the same thing I did in our last journal entry, but…I kind of noticed I’ve been writing to her more and more. Now that I have a way to talk to her permanently, I’m looking for advice from her all the time. Always asking what she thinks of this, that, or the other thing…

To be honest, I feel kind of uneasy about it sometimes. I know when it comes to doing things “on my own” I have a history of flubbing it…but even as the “old” Sunset Shimmer I took a bit more initiative. Now I’m usually scared I’ll mess something up before I even try. Let’s be honest: I think maybe by the end of the year I’ll need to take off my shoes and use my toes to count the number of times I’ve been able to take the lead on something involving friendship.

Twilight, on the other hand, is the “Princess of Friendship”. She would know better than me, right? Maybe she doesn’t have all the answers, no…but I figure she’d know more in a lot of cases than I would.

At the same time…I kind of wonder if she’s becoming a “crutch” to me. Like I need to take the lead myself more often. Of course, I’ve only really been her “student” for a couple months.

Ugh, forgot what I was writing about in the first place. After the girls took off, “hoodie” popped in again. I couldn’t make anything out about them. The clothing was “gender neutral” and the hood was up. The eyes and face were covered up by these really big, really-thick-rimmed “nerd” glasses. Didn’t say a word, just came right up to the monument with some sort of machine in their hand. I’ve never seen anything like it, and searching on the Internet only turned up something on a sci-fi movie… Point being, they were headed right for the monument like a bloodhound.

I tried to call out to them this time. The second I did, they broke for it. I chased a bit. I can’t confirm it, but the body shape looked female when I got a bit closer, but I wasn’t able to catch them. The city bus pulled by again and my guess is whoever it is managed to duck on it.

There was only one other detail I managed to pick out.

The skin coloration. It was purple…just like Twilight’s.

Year of Celestia 1004, Midfall, 5

I have a sinking suspicion of who the person in the hoodie was. To be honest, if I’m right…I don’t know whether to be shocked, amazed, or even a bit nervous.

But first what led up to it…

I talked to the girls the next day about what happened. They didn’t seem to mind too much so long as it was no one like the Dazzlings. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t; just someone snooping. I told them I suspected they had been tipped off by all the “magical goings-on”, but I have to admit if that’s true it’s curious that only one individual is looking into it. I thought they’d have notified higher authorities or something…

Naturally, I also wrote to Princess Twilight about it. Nothing back from her yet…

The girls brought up the idea that it might have been a Crystal Prep Academy student spying on the school. (I can guess why…both Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie recently had detention for being caught spying on them last Friday…) I've never mentioned Crystal Prep in this diary before, so I guess I should explain. They were a bit “before my time”. Part of the reason Canterlot High did so pitiful in sporting events and academic success is because all the “smart” kids and “talented” kids go to Crystal Prep…at least the ones who can afford it. It’s a school in the city proper. Private boarding school. Real highbrow.

Apparently whoever founded it had a hand in helping get Canterlot High built too and they're under the same school board, so they have a tetrannual tradition where the two schools square off in an academic/athletic marathon known as the “Friendship Games”. Heh…real misleading title, if you ask me. More like an excuse for Crystal Prep to show off how slow and stupid we all are. Applejack tells me that while the principal and staff get all excited about it, we always lose and lose by a huge margin. That’s because while the principal wants to make this all in the spirit of “fun and friendship” and lets whoever wants to volunteer compete to participate, they always pick their best students.

Best students at an expensive preparatory boarding school versus a bunch of “average joes” from a public school? I can imagine how one-sided that is. Applejack’s right…how are you supposed to be friendly with a school who shows off how much “better” they are than you every four years?

Like I said, I knew of them for a while but didn’t pay them much mind. I was still hiding out in this world’s version-of-me’s manor during the last Friendship Games, but when I started school the better students were still bitter about the whole thing. In general I tried to avoid it. I had enough trouble trying to control Canterlot High without worrying about a school with that kind of discipline and regimen, not to mention smarter students that might sniff me out. Worst of all, I assumed if this world’s version of me ever showed up again, they’d probably be rich enough to go to Crystal Prep, and the last thing I needed was to run into the “real” me and ruin my plans.

Nowadays, I have to admit I don’t care too much for the games myself. Winning some school competition is kind of mild in comparison to some of the stuff we went through.

But…

Fluttershy did point out to me that not everything has to be life-or-death. And this is obviously really important to them. I have to remember that even if I’m a unicorn from a world where chimeras will devour you if you go down the wrong path and you have to hide during the dragon migration, the girls here are human students. And this is pretty important to them and the school. I can’t really call myself “one of them” if I don’t try to share their enthusiasm for it.

And now that I’m thinking about Crystal Prep, I’m starting to realize Dash might have had a good point. There’s a good chance “hoodie” is from there; maybe not spying (at least not in the sense she thinks) but who had enough know-how and technical background to pick up what’s been going on in school and is following up.

As for my “suspicion”…a brainy student with purple-tinted skin…and the fact that, like me, Twilight Sparkle’s own “version of her” in this world is unaccounted for…

Maybe it’s nothing. Just my imagination.

Year of Celestia 1004, Midfall, 7

Well…Friendship Games tryouts are here. And since I’ve decided to get in the “spirit” of everything and I know the girls would prefer it if I helped out, I tried out myself. Seriously though, I think I’m a shoe-in, and for once not because I rigged the contest. I’m near the top of my class in science and math and part of the events are academic in nature. We may call for volunteers in this school, but that still doesn’t mean they don’t try to pick the best-of-the-best. Seeing as I also play guitar and I’m decent in PE, and it looks like I have a good chance of getting the spot.

See, one of the things about the Friendship Games is no one knows exactly what the events are going to be until they get here. They’ve already blocked off the athletic field with covered fences to start working on it, since it’ll be held at our school. (I’d like to say it’s an act of goodwill, but I think Crystal Prep actually gets outraged when they have to spend money to modify their own athletic field for this…) And what game you get to compete in is also random. It actually helps keep things a bit more “fair” as it mitigates one student blowing away the competition, but it also means everyone who participates has to be a “jack-of-all-trades”.

I ended up showing off some of my guitar and that one bit of polyethelene I made in science class. Organic chemistry is supposed to be a bit “above” the high school level, so maybe it’ll work out.

The girls seemed to think it was good enough. I’m not sure if they’ll get in either…although I kind of think after Rarity brought out no less than 25 different outfits for our school to wear, the principal and vice-principal would probably feel a bit bad if they said she couldn’t compete.

But aside from that, things are tensing up around here. I think Lyra and Bon Bon had to spend the afternoon in the infirmary after they took their competing for the roster a bit too far… (Celestia only knows what they’ll do to Crystal Prep…) And I’m still seeing spots before my eyes after Photo Finish went on what I can only describe as a “photo blitzkrieg”, and I wasn’t even the intended target (I explained to her after one “brief” session a couple months ago in which she got about 20 pictures of me that I wasn’t giving her permission to use my face in school-related media). Everyone’s getting psyched about all this…

I wish I could say the same, but to be honest the problem of magic at school has been nagging at me along with “hoodie”. I told the girls about how frustrated I was, and Pinkie…well, I don’t think I can remember her exact wording to reprint here, but it was one of her long “blasts” of explanation that made some sort of random sense. Until now I’ve been thinking of the magic that’s in this world being brought over from when I brought the Magic Element here. But there’s a chance that I didn’t simply bring something here but set off a “catalyst” of a sort. Getting back into chemistry terms, assuming we can think of magic as a form of energy, it didn’t so much “change state” as it may have triggered an atomic reaction; with successive reactions taking place as a result of the first.

I kind of hope that’s not the case. The Dazzlings, wherever they are, may be harmless now as they couldn’t feed on Equestian magic even if it was spread out in front of them like a feast, but I’m not sure I relish the idea of magic being able to pop out at random. This isn’t Equestria. I think human society might collapse if magic became even a fraction as commonplace…

Anyway, no sense worrying about that right now. I’m checking in on the lineup, but even if I didn't make it Rainbow Dash volunteered to head up the “pep rally” for our school going into the Friendship Games tomorrow, and the girls and I need to set some things up for it.

Year of Celestia 1004, Midfall, 8

Terrific. It’s been a while since I’ve felt “pressure” on an assignment. The one plus side to everyone hating me after the Fall Formal was no one expected anything good out of me or for me to be responsible for anything.

Now, though…

The rally had been going pretty well. Dash managed to get the crowd pretty pumped about what was coming up. It seemed the school body got excited when they remembered that the student body has overcome actual magical monsters…even if I was one of them.

That’s when something happened.

Part of the reason I’ve only been mildly concerned about that time I transformed on the roof was because it seemed kind of natural. I mean, I may be in a human body now, but I’m actually a unicorn. So it kind of makes sense that I’d be able to tap into magic at least a bit better than real humans.

Well, while Dash was getting excited about getting everyone in school psyched about being Wondercolts and singing, without playing her guitar, she suddenly “ponied up”. She was able to fly and everything. As crazy as this sounds, the school body wasn’t startled. By now, whenever something like this happens, everyone just gets more excited.

But it confirmed what I found out earlier. We neither need Princess Twilight here to use these forms, nor do we all need to be gathered in one spot singing at the same time. The Equestrian magic in this world seems to slowly be growing more “innate” to us, just like it is to actual Equestrian ponies.

I’m not sure what that could lead to.

Whatever the reason, the real part I’m worried about is what came after. The girls didn’t seem to mind the transformation that much, but Vice-Principal Luna did. She ended up charging me with finding out how it happened and, more importantly, how to keep it from happening. She’s afraid…and I guess rightly so…that using magic in the games could get us disqualified. I figured someone saying “they used magic!” in this world is kind of silly, but…all Crystal Prep needs to do is see something unusual and then they can blame it on technology or performance enhancement or whatever.

I immediately wrote to Twilight for help and I headed to the library to start working on it. This is a big moment for me, after all. The school staff is actually asking me to do a favor for them, and I would be the expert compared to anyone from this world. But these books are no help. The only mention of “magic” they make is to laugh at older humans for thinking it was real before launching into a scientific explanation. And Twilight hasn’t gotten back to me yet…

I almost figure she might know the answer immediately; her being so great at science and magic in our world… But it’s making me nervous that it’s getting late and I still haven’t heard anything.

Well, there’s still some time left.

Year of Celestia 1004, Midfall, 10

Ugh…hoped to be farther along by now or, more importantly, to have gotten a message back from Princess Twilight by now…but it’s too late. I’m having to pack up and leave school as I’m jotting this down.

The Friendship Games are officially getting started tomorrow. As Crystal Prep is a fairly big drive from the city and they want the events to start normally, the CPA students will actually be staying close to the school. Opening events are tomorrow and both teams need to get assessed by each other's staff (security issues and all that), so they’re heading in tomorrow afternoon to sign in and we don’t waste time.

This is starting to get frustrating. I’m not finding anything on this, and I only have one more day…

I suppose…there is another way to get in touch with Princess Twilight rather than wait for the journal to get a response…

It makes me even more nervous than this assignment, but I may not have a choice.

Year of Celestia 1004, Midfall, 11

It’s been a while since I’ve gotten a couple shocks in one day… Today could honestly be going a lot better. At least it confirmed one thing to me…

The Crystal Prep Academy competitors have arrived. As yet another worry on top of my current concerns, I’m trying to focus enough on the competition to be excited about helping out the school. I kind of need to be now considering the fact the girls and I all made the roster. Heck, we’re taking up half the positions on it. That’s practically begging for a situation where our Equestrian magic is going to come out.

Doesn’t help that one of our alumni is now an instructor at CPA.

Dean Cadance is now wandering about the school greeting the staff again. Terrific… All I need is her to spot me and start dragging up things I did my freshman year. It’s a good thing I’ve got these new highlights and clothes because it’s going to be a bit hard for her not to see me when she’s judging me in the competition.

The situation is getting worse. When we all tried to get one last practice in at the band room, Rarity suddenly showed off that she had taken enough time out to make us all Canterlot High School official outfits for pretty much every conceivable event possible. All in our own sizes too. (Don’t ask me how she got mine…I don’t need to dwell on figuring out even more things…) She got so excited about being able to make us all these clothes…then it suddenly happened. Just like Rainbow Dash the other day, she spontaneously “ponied-up”. She was starting to hover and grew her ears and tail-like hair again.

But then something a bit more upsetting happened. Suddenly she dropped out of it. That energy aura around her faded and so did her ears and tail. It wasn’t just “wearing off” either. She nearly collapsed, looking like she had just gotten done with a marathon. She recovered quickly enough, but…this scares me. This is the first time using Equestrian magic has actually caused one of us to suffer in some physical manner after using it. I would have immediately started to grill her about what happened, except something happened soon after that which kind of made everyone forget about the whole thing.

Twilight Sparkle walked through the door.

No, not the Twilight Sparkle, although, just like the others, I thought it was her for a moment.

She was a bit different, of course. This one kept her hair tied back tightly rather than let it hang. She had these giant black rimmed “nerd glasses” and she was dressed in a Crystal Prep uniform with this weird glowing device around her neck. She even had a dog named Spike that looked identical to the Spike we know. But she bore a stunning resemblance in all other ways, including her voice.

It wasn’t her though. I should have realized it before Pinkie Pie, but it made sense. There’s another version of everything from Equestria in this world. Obviously there’s another Twilight Sparkle. Heck, I even theorized that not too long ago.

And now that I look on her, I’m kind of having a hard time seeing her as Princess Twilight at all. Princess Twilight had uncertainty and doubts in herself that she wore on her sleeve, but this Twilight looked as if she was scared the whole world would “bite her” if she wasn’t careful. Princess Twilight was awkward and clumsy but she tackled things with energy. This one is fearful and uncomfortable; like she’s too timid to put out energy in anything. Princess Twilight had these “big eyes” full of wonder, as if she was always fascinated by new things. The eyes of this one are different…more probing…more searching…as if she likes to learn new things too but is fiercely searching for them.

In that sense…she almost looks more “aggressive” than the Twilight I know…

Most of all, I know this Twilight isn’t like her because I took one look at her, and my “old self” realized I could have ground her under my thumb in no time. That was made clear when we found out she’s a Crystal Prep student and her own principal, this stuffed shirt named Abacus Cinch, came in and led her away…and she pretty much just cowed under her like a whipped puppy even though there was nothing wrong with her being in the music room to begin with.

At any rate, the other girls were worried about her. If she’s anything like Princess Twilight Sparkle, that means she’s probably a genius, which is trouble for the academic competition. Also, none of them have ever seen Princess Twilight in her real body, so this is a psychological problem for them…the idea that their friend is going to be competing against them even though this really isn’t the same individual.

I wish I could sympathize more, but…I’m too obsessed with my own problems now. Especially since I remember those glasses… She was the one snooping around the school those times before.

So now not only do I have to figure out how to keep our magic from coming out, we might have someone actively looking for it to come out. And it’s Twilight, of all people.

And still no answer from Twilight...our Twilight (this is getting confusing). I told the girls just how upset I’m getting about her not answering, but they just gave me a schpiel about how she can’t be expected to just drop everything and come running when we call. I guess that’s true…she does have her own world to take care of…and I guess it would be nice if I felt I was in a position where I could

Nevermind. That’s not important, or realistic for that matter. The bottom line is while it may not be important to Equestria it’s important to me. I see this world as my home now even if I “started out” as a unicorn.

I guess there’s nothing for it…

ADDITION

What in the world did that other Twilight do?!

I finally got up enough courage to try to test out the portal myself…hoping that Princess Twilight had “left it open”. I thought I could get an answer directly. But when I reached out and touched it…I felt something burning. My hands had hardly gone in a centimeter when it felt like the entire statue was on fire…and like there was something making my hand stick into it…

I managed to rip it free and fell to the ground, and I heard something. It sounded like electronics as well as the sounds we make from those "magic auras" we get in this world. I got up and looked to the sound as it went quiet, and I saw ~~Twilight~~ (ugh…this is getting confusing… I’ll just call her “Sci-Twi” to keep her distinct) Sci-Twi getting up and running off too.

And when I felt out for the portal again…nothing! It was solid stone just like before Twilight opened the portal!

Now there’s no way for Twilight to get here at all! In fact, there’s no way for me to get a message to her! I tried writing in the book and nothing! The words just stuck to the page this time!

She did it…but how?

And why? What is she up to?

Year of Celestia 1004, Midfall, 12

“Sci-Twi” is rubbing me the wrong way more all the time. I haven’t been feeling this irritable around someone since…well, Twilight.

Opening ceremonies were today. I showed up irritable, of course, in spite of being “back in red” thanks to Rarity. Maybe not as upset as I was yesterday… We’re not cut off from Equestria forever, after all. If nothing else, I can wait another couple years and the mirror will open again… But we’re definitely cut off for the moment and I know Sci-Twi was behind it.

So I used to the opportunity of the gathering we had of both schools in the gymnasium to confront her. After all, it wasn’t like there wasn’t plenty of hostility already. Everyone was giving each other dirty looks the second I walked in. I think one student actually smashed us in “cup effigy”…which I wasn’t sure even existed until now.

Yeah, some “spirit of friendship” that this competition is eliciting…

At any rate, we got so mixed up in arguing with the rival school that I didn’t get a chance to grill Sci-Twi…although she looked about as guilty as a cat surrounded by bird feathers.

Then again, there were a couple minutes in which things went better. Heh, should have realized at this point that Pinkie Pie couldn’t tolerate a party where no one was having fun. She ended up whipping out a ton of new favors and a pair of party cannons (yeah, as I’ve said before, I don’t bother questioning it… “it’s Pinkie” is the only explanation). For a while, we were actually getting together. Like I’ve said, I’ve barely been focusing on the games, but what little I have I’m normally taking up the spirit of the rest of the school that we’re going to get creamed by a bunch of prep school snobs. It actually seemed…nicer for a while.

But then we got a double-whammy. It turns out while she was in the middle of the party-throwing, Pinkie “ponied-up”, a lot like Rainbow Dash and Rarity did. But just like with Rarity, she nearly collapsed. She told us later that she was feeling fine one moment then “drained” the next.

That’s the exact wording she used…drained. Rarity mentioned she felt the same way. That doesn’t make much sense to me. If anything, whenever we pony-up, we feel more energized. So why are we suddenly losing energy?

Anyway, the second part was when Principal Cinch gave her own “opening remarks”.

I’ll sum up the gist of it: your school, its students, and its philosophy as a whole sucks and we’re about to give you yet another humiliating defeat.

By the time she was done doing it, we were taking opposite sides of the gym all over again.

You know…thinking on that moment, I don’t really get it. I really don’t need to be wasting time thinking about stuff like this right now, but I couldn’t help but notice that both sides got agitated. Obviously our team did because she was flaunting all of our past losses at once. But why did the Crystal Prep students feel the same way? They beat us all the time, don’t they? If anything, they should think this whole “Friendship Games” thing is going to be a breeze. Like it’s not even a challenge worth taking. And yet they’re more hostile to us than we are to them.

That seems a bit odd to me. I know I used to get mad at other students when I was younger for being “demeaned” enough to have to be in the same class as them, but I don’t think this was the same thing. It’s like they want to cream us in the competition for some reason.

I never really thought about this before, but…I guess it comes with appreciating the people in this world more. Celestia and Luna may not be “perfect” school administrators, but at least they’re taking this whole thing as an experience to foster greater school unity. At least they’re treating both CHS and CPA as equals. Cinch, on the other hand, looks like she’s getting some sort of almost sadistic satisfaction lording over how much better her school is.

You know, maybe tomorrow when I show up for the start of the games…I’ll tell the principal and vice-principal how much I appreciate what they do around here.

P.S.

Pinkie Pie later told me she actually managed to rope Sci-Twi into helping her bring out the party cannons right before she ponied-up, but ran off around that time. That made me nervous. That means she was right there next to Pinkie when she used Equestrian magic. I’m afraid she may have spotted her. That’d be wonderful…being disqualified for cheating before the games even start…

Wait a minute.

Didn’t Rarity feel drained right before Sci-Twi showed up yesterday?

And wasn’t Sci-Twi at the portal too?

Year of Celestia 1004, Midfall, 13

To try and take my mind off of things, I’m focusing on the Friendship Games. Good timing for it and all, seeing as we’re actually beginning them this morning…

The competition is going to be split into three events over three days. Today’s event is the Academic Decathalon. We’ll be randomly put into various school activities in a subject matter. However, only the highest-scoring students in either event get to move on, which is almost always who wins the respective event. Tomorrow, the six highest students from either school move on to the Tri-Cross Relay, which is going to be a total mystery until later today when we get to go up and survey the playing field at last. Finally, one student gets picked out of the those six to do the last event, which is always a mystery until the day it starts.

On the plus side, I don’t think we have to worry about “ponying-up” at the start. Not like Equestrian magic is going to help us in math or chemistry, after all.

I’ll add how we did later. I’m hoping I managed to learn enough of that “pre-Calculus” stuff they have in this world to measure up as our own team already decided I’d be best for the math portion…

ADDITION (I)

I suppose now should be where I say “to absolutely the surprise of nobody”, but…I don’t really feel like it in this case.

Bottom line: we lost. I should have focused a bit more on Trig than Pre-Calculus, it seems…

We gave them a run for their money, though. We were pretty even in Chemistry (even with one of our students nearly blowing herself up…), Pinkie Pie dominated in Home Econ, but we slipped in both Wood Shop and English. We were actually even until we got to the final event, where I got picked to go up against Sci-Twi.

I’ve kind of got a chip on my shoulder about her at this point, so this was a bit personal for me. And…I did a lot better than I thought I would, to be honest. Even determined to win, I figured if Sci-Twi was anything like Twilight Sparkle she’d literally “take me to school”. But I was only off because my mind slipped and I added five numbers wrong, so my answer was off by ten degrees. Otherwise we would have tied…

What was really shocking, though, was that no one at Canterlot High School was that unhappy. We may not have won, but we were within one point of tying, which is closer than we’ve ever been. And everyone at school was happy about that. What more…and I know this sounds smug or being a sore loser…but, in all honesty, we handled losing gracefully.

When we won an event, everyone at the school was just happy about it and encouraging each other, which Crystal Prep just looked as if it was the end of the world. When we lost an event, Crystal Prep immediately gloated about it and mocked us, but we just still kept supporting each other so no one lost their temper at anyone else or was even bummed out.

By the time the events were over, you’d almost think we had won. I almost wondered if I had heard Cinch declare me “incorrect” accurately when the girls ran up and cheered me on. We were all just glad to have gone that far.

By comparison…CPA looked as if they had been the ones who lost. No applause. No cheering. Just cold indifference.

I was stunned, honestly. I wondered...were they that upset that they didn’t totally dominate that part of the competition? I actually tried to listen in a bit after that happened, and, to my surprise, they actually were badmouthing Sci-Twi a bit. It sounded as if they were actually bitter that she had won even though it helped their school succeed.

That’s when it hit me.

The reason we’re doing better now, both here and as a school in standing, is because everyone’s victory or defeat is now everyone else’s…except when we lose, everyone is there to keep the individual “part” from feeling too bad. It's not about any one person. It's about everyone having a good time and succeeding together.

But Crystal Prep... These are prep school students. Private school residents. The best of the best. Yet we came so close to actually beating them in academics. Maybe even a statistical tie. And it makes sense to me…everything about their school is about one individual. It’s all about who in particular wins and loses. If you win or lose, it’s all just a mark against you personally. All victory is only yours and all defeat is only yours. All they care about is which one of them can succeed and fail.

No. No, that’s not quite it.

It’s worse than that.

I noticed whenever there was a loss for Crystal Prep that principal of theirs came around and gave them a look like a judge at a murder trial. Like during the Home Econ game. Those two students from their school made this fantastic multi-layered chocolate cake. In any other setting it would have been wonderful; it just wasn’t as good as what Pinkie Pie could make. And Cinch came by and looked at them as if they had just burned down her house...because it cost her an event in the games. Because it made it harder for her to win.

So…them losing does impact something else: the Crystal Prep reputation.

Those CPA students…they’re in a “no-win” situation. If one of them wins, the only one who cares is the student. But if one of them loses, everyone hates them because it ruins the school’s reputation. In both cases, they only end up being hated by everyone else…because that place is totally void of friendship.

…

You know…I never really thought about this before, but…

I never realized just how much power Princess Celestia had over me and the rest of the students. I used to think she was so stupid and old-fashioned, but she had it in her power to make us feel good or terrible. She had the power to build us up…build me up…or make us feel worse than any of my old bullies ever could have. She could have made the smallest spell we barely managed to succeed at feel like we were on par with Starswirl the Bearded, or make the most amazing achievement seem like a basic cantrip.

She wasn’t just trying to help us succeed in school. She was setting us up for who we would become.

Someone like Cinch…she only cares about the school’s reputation. To her, her own students are nothing more than means to an end. The real reason she picked the “best of the best” wasn’t because she admired her selections or wanted pride in her school…she just wanted to make it easier to win.

You know what the “funny” part is? There was a time I would have given anything to be a Crystal Prep Academy student. Where all I ever had to worry about was how much power and glory I could have given myself. Now…

Now I can’t honestly dislike those students anymore. I pity them. They’ll be the best at what they do one day, and all they’ll have is their talent and nothing else.

I almost wish Twilight would have visited that school instead of mine.

Well, no sense getting too “sympathetic” to them yet. We’ve still got two more games to win and if we don’t win tomorrow it won’t matter about the third. And even though I lost that math competition, all of my "work" was correct so, combined with my other scores in the other events, I'm moving on along with the girls.

That athletic field is open for viewing, so we better check it out…

ADDITION (II)

Did I say I didn’t dislike those students?

I meant to say most of those students.

Sci-Twi, on the other hand…

Fluttershy saw her looking depressed after the Academic Decathalon. Can’t say I blame her considering the lack of response and how her own classmates are still treating her like a black sheep…but she ended up trying to cheer her up. She carries Angel and no less than three other pets in her own backpack every day, after all. She says she let her hold onto him for a bit, and then, just like before, she started to “pony-up”…

But then she finally noticed an important detail that neither Rarity nor Pinkie Pie had told me. Remember that weird thing around her neck I mentioned? She says it glowed and opened up when she took that form and then it somehow drew the aura she was generating around herself into it; accompanied by, you guessed it, her feeling drained and falling out of the form.

On hearing that, Pinkie mentioned she had seen the same thing back in the gym. And Rarity, having an “eye for detail”, noticed she was fiddling with it when she walked into the band room. Finally, I remember I heard an electronic sound back at the portal. I’ll just bet I was hearing that device…

That means Sci-Twi has a machine that can actually collect Equestrian magic. I suggested to the girls that she’s actually stealing it, but they disagreed. Pinkie Pie even mentioned she called it a “big word” and said it was to be used to detect and analyze “other big words”, but the bottom line is she didn’t seem to be the “stealing type”.

I suppose they have a point… Really, the only thing I noticed that seemed kind of “negative” about Sci-Twi is that look she gets gazing about campus sometimes. The way her eyes narrow and her lips turn, like she’s analyzing everything and almost angry at herself for not being able to figure it out… The rest of the time she’s always meek and unsociable, usually running from anyone or looking like she wants to crawl into a hole and hide. It’s like science and knowledge are the only things she wants…

Well, even if she isn’t stealing it, her device is still collecting it. And I want to know why…or what she plans to do with it. And like I told the girls, the only one who can help is totally unreachable.

I’m on my own here…but what exactly can I do? I’ve had a couple weeks now to research this and I can’t come up with anything, while a human I never met looks like she knows more about it than me…

Year of Celestia 1004, Midfall, 14

We won the second event.

If this is how “being a winner” is supposed to feel, I’ll take “being a loser” any day.

Things got bad going into the match pretty quick. The Relay itself was insane. It was a combination archery against moving targets, roller derby, and finally a motocross challenge (now I know why we all had to be licensed to compete…). I thought this was a bit extreme for Equestria, let alone the human world, but that hardly matters. The point being is at one point we were having a commanding lead because Sci-Twi wasn’t doing well, and the rest of her team couldn't continue until she hit her part of the events. Applejack stepped in to give her a few pointers simply because she couldn’t stand it anymore and, well…she was “honest”, so she ponied-up. As a result, that device Sci-Twi has opened again and absorbed it…

But it was a lot worse this time.

That thing she built can’t contain the magic it stole. It started spitting it out in the form of “rifts”…rifts to Equestria, specifically…and to be more specific, the Everfree Forest. It spawned about four different portals full of man-eating giant plants. It nearly killed one of her teammates in a crash during the relay, and I would have gotten eaten myself if Rainbow Dash hadn’t popped in and saved me…

Well…a lot went on after that. Naturally everyone saw that, so “magic” is being thrown around school left and right now by the CPA students. It’s definitely not a secret to them anymore.

The one thing Principal Celestia wanted me to do…and I blew it. I never learned about it or how to control it, and so now they’re struggling to fend off Cinch from accusing them of cheating. Because of that, even if we win, Crystal Prep might say they didn’t really lose and the victory was invalid…

Yes, I know that doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it means a lot to the students here. And this was my chance where I could do something for the students here after three years of tearing everyone apart. Something only I could do. Winning may mean nothing to Crystal Prep but it means a lot to my friends, and that makes it mean a lot to me.

But while I was stewing over all this, Sci-Twi walked up to us and confessed everything. She had been the one I’ve seen every other time, and she had specifically been trying to research magic at this school. No doubt she caught a glimpse or reading of what I did as a demon or the Dazzlings did and she’s been studying ever since. But then, right in the middle of everything, her device not only opened up and drained Rainbow Dash, but it broke open another one of those rifts right in front of me.

And…and I blew up at her.

There’s no way of putting it mildly. I haven’t been so angry at someone since…you-know-who.

I’m not even sure it was ~~Sci-Twi~~ Twilight I was mad at. I remember how I thought nothing more of magic than a means to an end. I understood nothing about how it worked or the power of friendship behind it…I just wanted it to make me feel powerful and get the feeling of being “safe” and “above everyone”. And I brought it into this world so carelessly. When I yelled at how irresponsible she was, how she didn’t know anything about magic, let alone how to stop it from opening rifts or give it back to my friends...

Somewhere deep down inside, I could see a flaming-haired demon in front of me.

Somehow…I felt by yelling at how stupid and foolish she was…I was somehow going back in time and telling the “old me” things I wished I had said to her long ago.

After it was done, Twilight had run off sobbing, and I had calmed down, Applejack came up to me. She said during that archery competition, when she was struggling to hit the target, Sour Sweet did nothing but go on and on about how she was ruining their chances. How she was messing everything up. Twilight actually burst into tears. She had to have felt only two inches tall… I know because, from unicorn to human, I’ve felt the same way and I’ve made dozens of others feel that way. Applejack said she helped her not for good sportsmanship but because it “wasn’t right”. This is supposed to be about fun and friendship; not about publicly humiliating your classmates.

And that really got me thinking. This whole time, maybe the real reason I grew to hate Twilight was because I saw so much of myself in her. Like she’s a reflection of aspects of who I used to be. The fact that she’s “in the image” of the individual who I’m always comparing myself to now as so much “better” only made it worse.

But…Twilight must have a miserable life. In that school…under that horrible woman…without a friend in the world... Maybe she wants to understand everything else about the world so much because she’s too scared to focus on herself or her own life. No one else ever gives her a single word of kindness or support. No one at that school cares whether she lives or dies. She’s the smartest student and all it earns is jealousy from everyone else.

Maybe I can’t figure out why magic is going haywire or how to give it back to my friends or get the portal open. Maybe Princess Twilight could and she’d solve everything in a few minutes. But one thing I know I could have done…that I should have done…is what all the other girls have been doing all along.

I could have been a friend to Twilight. I could have told her I know what it’s like to be alone and cling to the only thing I have going for me so hard that I hope it will eliminate any other need. That the world isn’t just like Crystal Prep Academy; there’s places in it where you’ll find people like the girls who will love and accept you for who you are. Who will believe in you whether or not you can do anything for them.

Right now, I don’t really care about the rifts or the magic or the Friendship Games or even the fact that the portal might never open again.

Right now…the only thing I want to do is tell Twilight I’m sorry.

Celestia, I can’t wait until these games are over tomorrow…

Year of Celestia 1004, Midfall, 15

Truthfully, you would think after everything that’s happened to me, I should learn to be on the lookout of what all can happen in just one day. Or that I should believe more things are possible…

Diary, you’re probably getting tired of me saying things like this, but…let’s see if I can recap it all.

We were all sick to death of the games by the time the final event got here. Between the portals, the magic, how the competition was getting on everyone’s nerves, and, most of all, how this was putting off getting a chance to talk to Twilight again, we all wanted this to be over. I almost didn’t care if we lost at this point; just so long as it ended. It seemed easy enough. “Capture the Flag”. No chance of ponying-up at that point for me, right? (Especially since I was the only one left who could still pull it off…)

Then I spotted it.

As the teams were getting ready, Cinch went over to Twilight. She and the rest of the students surrounded her like they were doing a hazing ritual. And when she came out, I saw her starting to go for that device she made…and it clicked.

Cinch knew we were using magic. She wanted her school to win at any cost. At the field yesterday there had to have been a time she spotted Twilight using her device. And that look in her eye when she took the field…that same look I noticed before…that she wanted to learn more and understand more no matter what…

I saw her move to open the device. I tried to tell her to stop, but…even if she heard me, I don’t think it would have mattered…

What happened next was…unsettlingly familiar.

Now I got to see what it was like from the “other side”.

Twilight was filled with all of the magic she gained, but she lacked any “friendship” behind it. Anything to put it in its “pure” form. It corrupted her and turned her into what I can only describe as a dark alicorn goddess…a “Midnight Sparkle”, in a sense… Everything good and virtuous about Princess Twilight warped and twisted into a sickening parody of itself.

But she was worse. That look in her eye I had only glimpsed before…now it filled her vision. It was pure insanity. She started literally ripping this world into pieces. Her face was filled with nothing but desire. Her voice was warped…no longer meek or frightened but now reveling, but also insatiably greedy. Hungering for more knowledge. Hungering for more understanding. Willing to rip apart anything that got in between her and what she wanted…

Like I said…unsettlingly familiar.

I was scared of her, to be honest. Not just because she had the power to shatter space and time like a dish. Not just because it was as if I was looking at Princess Twilight corrupted into something ghastly and evil. It was because I was looking into a mirror again. It was because I knew what it felt like…

But I think it was because of that reason that I didn’t run in fear.

Somewhere beneath that madness, beneath that laughter, beneath that power radiating off of her…I knew she was still the same frightened, timid, shy student I had seen that first day. At that moment, she was so “drunk” or “high” on the power of magic that she was using it to drive off any negative feeling or doubt she had, but I knew if it was gone…she’d still be the same lonely, sad girl I had seen before. When I looked at her like that…I was able to feel it again. The same feeling I had last night when I thought about her again. In spite of how monstrous and evil she looked, I knew that wasn’t “her”.

I knew who really needed someone to save her at that moment was Twilight herself.

I tried calling out to her; telling her I knew what she was doing. That I knew exactly what she felt like right now. Most of all…that this wasn’t going to make her happy. I know now that even if I had conquered Equestria that night, I’d be as miserable as before. My journal made that obvious. No matter how much power or dominion I had, I still felt helpless, vulnerable, weak, and alone. For a moment, she almost looked like she was thinking about what I was telling her…but whether it was because she still thought I was angry at her or she was too intoxicated with magic, she didn’t back down.

So I got an idea. I saw all of this unleashed magic had restored the girls. So if Twilight’s device had gathered their power and given it to her…then what was to say it couldn’t do the same to someone else?

I was afraid for a moment. Afraid that I’d bring out the same demon as before. Maybe there’d be two monsters trying to destroy this world instead of just one…

So as I used it, I kept holding onto the same feeling I had in my heart…

The only thing I want to do right now is make Twilight understand she has a friend.

It wasn’t anything like the previous transformation. Before I felt like I had lost all control. That now I was just a mad creature that acted without thinking; that obeyed passions and ignored all else. This time, I felt fully in control. My head was clearer, because all the little nagging voices inside me that were trying to tempt me into hating Twilight or wanting to see her beaten down or even just to run away in fear of her were silenced.

I felt…pure.

I had more power coursing through me than ever before. The sort of power I used to imagine Princess Celestia possessed. And yet, at that moment, when I finally was the most powerful…I didn’t care. The only thing I cared about was trying to help that wretched, miserable creature in front of me…

Even when I spiked her rage by sealing her rifts…even when she attacked me with her full hate at how I was cutting off her passion…even when she began to cackle in delight because she was beating me…I didn’t hate her. I only wanted to help her. And that’s why I knew I had to win. Not because I wanted the glory of “smacking her down”, but because it was something I had to do…both for this world as well as for Twilight.

I probably still would have lost, though…if not for some unexpected help: Spike.

Her only friend.

He ran out to her while she was reveling in her power and moments from victory. He called her, and when she looked down at him…that “ravenous glare” vanished. For just a few instants, she went back to being the same wide-eyed student I met a few days earlier.

Spike undoubtedly saved my life today…probably all of this world and possibly Equestria with it.

I used the chance…not because I wanted to hit her when her guard was down, but because I knew this was the only moment I would get to stop her…to save her. I overwhelmed her. I heard her cry out. I knew if I pushed harder I could slam all of the magic back out of her again…

I didn’t want it to end like that, though.

I meant to save her. I wanted to start that now…show her I wasn’t doing this because I wanted her hurt and whimpering. I was doing this because I wanted to show her a better way to live.

For a moment, she looked like she once did. In spite of her flowing hair, twisted horn, and black wings…she shrank and cowered away from me as if I was going to slap her as soon as I got close enough. I offered her my hand. I told her I’d show her a “better way” if she took it.

She hesitated still, but…I like to think, in that moment, she remembered everything the others had done for her that I neglected to do. Realized that there was such thing as individuals who would care about her and be there for her. That she didn’t need this power or to understand everything to survive. And she took it.

Well, just as I was, Twilight is back to her old self again. She apologized to everyone, but I know for a fact she’s worried for nothing.

They forgave me after all.

And unlike me, she had people coercing her on every side all along. I think even the principal and vice-principal realized it hadn’t been her idea to release the magic in her device in the first place… And wouldn’t you know it…her classmates owned up to it. While they definitely placed most of the blame on Cinch, and probably rightly so, they admitted they had only cared about winning themselves and joined in on it. They also pointed out that Cinch had been blackmailing Twilight all along to even compete in the games. By the end of everything, even Dean Cadance had turned on her.

Principal Celestia suggested that both teams be declared the winners. That in and of itself was enough to enrage Cinch. After all, just like the school philosophy, it’s only good if the achievement is her school’s reputation and that alone. But there was no way she was going to be able to complain to the school board about students using “magic” in the first place and be taken seriously (this is a magic-less world, after all)…and after running and hiding, abandoning her own students, and then her blackmail exposed, there wasn’t another student or staff member at Crystal Prep who would back her up. She ended up having to settle for walking away without a word, and Dean Cadance accepted the medals on her behalf.

But you know what? In spite of the fact I got a few seconds to “feel like an alicorn”, in spite of the fact we’re on good terms and finally “won” the Friendship Games, what really made me happy at the end of all of this was just seeing Twilight smiling. To know that she knew she wasn’t alone anymore and that she had people who cared about her.

As corny as this sounds…no, as corny as I used to think it sounded…I guess the real “magic of friendship” only comes out when you share it with someone else.

Heh…boy do I envy that princess of mine.

Year of Celestia 1004, Midfall, 16

I guess this silly gold-painted pewter medal does kind of grow on you after carrying it around a bit.

Hey, it definitely feels better than a tiara with a Magic Element attached to it.

Anyway, everything’s winding down. There’s always a “post-games” celebration that our school usually skipped out on. Why hang around to just let Crystal Prep rub our faces in it after all, you know? But…this one was better, obviously. No one was unhappy or glaring daggers at each other anymore. Everyone was in a much better mood. I suppose big magical threats nearly destroying the school have that going for it at least. :)

Twilight’s with us now. She announced she had fast-tracked her transfer to CHS. I’m actually rather happy about that. Now that I’m no longer blinded by my own problems, I see she’s a pretty nice girl. Unlike her classmates, who were just as obsessed over their own personal betterment, she never became cold or callous to other people. I think she may have had the “seeds of friendship” in her all along but, unlike Princess Twilight, she never had anyone "help them grow".

If nothing else, I’m glad she’s here instead of Crystal Prep. Someone like her may not be Princess Twilight Sparkle, but she’s a smart and kind person who deserves to be surrounded by people who will build her up…not live her life alone and fearful. And it looks like we’re back up to seven again.

Well, eight including Spike…who it looks like that magic “knocked something loose” in regards to being able to talk…

On that note, I never did get a response from Princess Twilight, but

Hold on. Someone’s coming.

…

I got interrupted. I’ll finish now.

I never did get a response from Princess Twilight, but I don’t think I need to anymore. I’ve realized by now what’s behind the magic. It might not be something scientific, but it makes sense. The true power of magic lies in friendship. The reason it came out before was because we were all working together as a band doing something we loved and used it to share each other’s friendship through. But that just acted as the “catalyst”, a way in which the magic was able to get into the rest of us. Now it happens whenever we demonstrate it in our own way.

Whether it’s because they parallel Equestria or by their own virtue, the girls embody the Elements of Harmony. So naturally when they show that element “off”, it causes the magic to appear.

It really wasn’t that hard to learn, but…I think I was short-circuiting myself all along. I don’t think I was really trying to see it to begin with because I expected Princess Twilight to come do it instead. I didn’t really see that there was any way to deal with an “Equestrian threat” on my own until now…or, rather, I didn’t try to see it. I may not be the monster I once was but I’m still having trouble seeing myself as the “hero”. I saw myself as part of the group…someone who Princess Celestia might be proud of one day…but I don’t think I really believed I could ever be the same as Twilight or Celestia.

At first, what I saw in the mirror was a “promise” to me; something I’d eventually get like an inheritance and that I demanded as my due. Then it became an ideal that I could never reach but only aspire to; something that shows what my nature could have been and I’ll have to settle for “good enough” now.

For the first time, I’m starting to see that alicorn in the mirror as something I can choose to become.

Maybe even something I will become.

Oh, by the way…

The reason I got interrupted before was because of Dean Cadance coming up to me. I think I got a touch of “Sci-Twi” myself there as I kind of wanted to squirm away, but it was too late. I tried to act friendly and nonchalant at first.

So you can imagine how I felt when the first thing she said to me was: “Sunset Shimmer. You started that rumor that caused me to break up with my boyfriend my senior year, didn’t you?”

After about two seconds of “writhing” I started to stumble over an apology, but she actually just laughed and said not to worry about it. As mad as she was at the time, she thought about it after the fact and she realized the two of them never would have worked out. He was far too obsessed with winning at their own sporting events and he ended up being too rough and arrogant. Her attention ended up shifting to a person she met at her own “round” of the Friendship Games: Shining Armor for Crystal Prep Academy. She noted he actually had pride in the school itself during those games; cheering on his classmates and the school itself rather than just milking his own glory for all it was worth.

After they both graduated, they met again while job hunting, and after finding out her interest in education he said it would be nice if they had an instructor like her at Crystal Prep Academy…someone actually interested in building up the students as people and not just helping them succeed academically. He mentioned his own little sister was doing well in studies but was socially awkward, and she would be starting there soon and love it if someone like her was there.

Long story short, she ended up being an instructor and was currently engaged to him, and as for his little sister…apparently she had just recently joined our group of friends. :)

She further said she had known it was me for a while because she had hardly arrived at Canterlot High School when Vice-Principal Luna accidentally began to leak the school’s recent history to her, and eventually got the whole story. She encouraged me; saying that just because things don’t always happen the way we would have wanted them doesn’t mean we can’t end up with an outcome better than we imagined. She mentioned if Cinch hadn’t blackmailed Twilight she never would have met me or the girls. If Twilight hadn’t opened that device which warped her, she might have spent the rest of her life a timid, shy introvert who would have sacrificed her future happiness on an individual educational program. She also assumed (and assumed right) that if I hadn’t tried to “rule the school” myself all those years ago, I’d never be the individual I am now.

“I don’t think anyone ‘gets it perfect’ the first time around, Sunset. The important thing is to just keep moving forward. After all, if people couldn’t grow from their mistakes, they’d never grow at all.”

She left soon after, but she said in passing that she wanted to thank me. Until now she encouraged students as best as she could, but she says after seeing me out there it might work better to get the students to start encouraging each other. I’m actually glad she’s headed back to Crystal Prep Academy if that’s true. Goodness knows that if Cinch is still running the show there, the students need someone to encourage them to be more than competitors.

I guess nothing to do now except settle in and wait for Princess Twilight to finally get the message. The portal’s open again, but…I think I’ll hold off on that for now.

Who knows? Maybe one of these days, Princess Twilight will ask me to come in and help her out.

But until then…I think I need to start planning how we’re going to introduce her to, well, her. It should make for a noteworthy diary entry to say the least...

Author's Note

By popular demand from... (looks at comments) ...three of you, I've gone ahead and added another installment to this story reflecting the "Friendship Games" arc.

Hope it measures up to the others... :applecry:

Enjoy!