A Stellar Affair

by ProtheanBrony

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, Dark, Human, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 3687

What happens when an ancient artifact is activated by the most powerful earthquake of the century?

I am accepting anyone who wants an OC or plotline integrated into the story. That does not mean that it will be added, but I will consider it. Please post submissions on my blog, do not PM me it.

When a group of friends are trapped in a Museum and unknowingly activate an ancient artifact, they are sent to Equestria, and at the same time Equestria is on the brink of war. Can our "Heroes" integrate into Equestrian Society? How do ponies conduct warfare? And most importantly of all, how much of this story can I stand? I mean, seriously. I'm really freaking busy right now. Oh, and the title picture now has a part in the story! Yipee.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-08 05:14:52 UTC

Chapter 1: Insertion

Yes, I am rewriting this.

Natural Museum of History, Los Angeles, California

"Please make your way to the nearest emergency exit by following the red lights."  Blared the speakers in the Planetarium, in a calm and monotonous manner unfitting of the prerecorded message's volume.  My two best friends, Ewan and James, were volunteering with me, Matthew, as tour guides for a elementary school field trip.  We had been corralling the children into the Planetarium, when he built up friction and tension in the San Andreas Fault had finally been released, causing what would be classified as the largest US earthquake of all time, measuring 9.8 on the Richter Scale.  The intricate dome imploded on itself, tearing down walls, planets, and the majority of the unstable arches which acted as exits.

"Holy shit!  God, I don't wanna die!  Holy shit!"  I screamed.

"We have to get out of here!  Come on!  Stop crying like a little bitch!"  Shouted James, always the voice of reason.

"Fuck you!  We're trapped!"  I hysterically exclaimed.

"Agh, calm the fuck down!  We can get out!  Somehow!"  James said as he shook me out of my hysterics.

"Okay, okay, now what then!?  I don't see anyway out of-"  I was blown backwards as a concussive shockwave smashed me into a support column.

"Oh god!  Why the hell is the museum exploding!  Is this a terrorist plot or something?  Shit, I don't want to be statistic!"  Ewan said as he darted up the stairs on the side of the room.

"Yes!  We can escape through that maintenance hallway!"  I rejoiced.

"No, we can't!  It's locked!"  Ewan proclaimed, as the door swung open in accordance with the emergency protocols.

"Come on!  This way is still clear!"  The mysterious employee who opened it said.

"Thanks!  And who are you!"  James shouted as he rushed up the stairs.

"I'm Keon!  And come on!  Let's go!"  Keon said.

"Wait!" I cried. "The kids!  We can't leave them!"

"Yes we can!  Now come on!"  Ewan shouted.

"No, Ewan!  KIDS!  COME ON! THIS WAY!"  I cried at the top of my lungs, to no avail.  The rampaging youths were either bawling their eyes out, or dead.

"Matt!  Listen to Ewan!  It's them, or all of us!"  James reasoned.

"Fuck!  If you want to have this stuck on your conscience, fine!  But I have to help!" I resisted, and dashed into the crowd, trying to make my way to the control booth to get to the speaker system.  I shoved and pushed, trying to drag myself through the crowd.  I was nearly there, when the booth collapsed into the crowd.

I coughed, and attempted to lift myself off the floor.  I felt an immense pain in my back, and painstakingly moved my arm to it.  The majority of the flesh on my back had been shredded, bare bone and vertebrae mixed with shards of plexiglass replacing it.  Oh...  Shit...  I thought and pulled myself into the booth, which had crushed the crowd around me when it fell, me "Lucky" enough to have the viewing window hit me instead. I think that I was pulled out of the booth after that... by somebody with tribal tattoos, and a torn museum uniform?  Who was he?  Ken? Leon?  Ah, I don't know.  I'm pretty sure that I blacked out almost immediately after that.

Get up.  The voices were pounding, ricocheting through my fractured skull.  Get Up.  They repeated, pounding, enforcing its message.  GET.  UP!  They boomed, one final time.  I climbed off of the ground, and noticed my torso was wrapped in bandages. I seemed to be physically intact. But not mentally...  I thought, and was thrust forward.  I faceplanted into the granite floor of a seemingly untouched room, a simple stone archway erect in the center of the room.  I approached it, feeling compelled to do so.  There were some strange symbols on it, some kind of glyph.  It looked like:

DRATKCUF ,SSAP TON LLAHS UOY

I was pondering its meaning when a trio of robed creatures approached me from behind.

"What the hell is going on?"  I asked them.

"We are the Judges.  And we have been watching you, Matthew." They replied in harmony.

"Wait, why are you wearing sneakers then?  Shouldn't you have winged sandals, or... nothing?  I mean, you have ancient robes and some Nikes on.  Isn't that a bit... anachronistic?"  I asked.

"Shit.  Keon, I told you it wouldn't work."  I heard, as one of the figures removed its hood to reveal Ewan.

"Hey, it would've been awesome." Keon said, as he removed his hood.

"Shouldn't we be leaving now?  Just because the storage rooms are reinforced doesn't mean they are immune to damage."  James announced, and removed his hood.

"What the hell, guys?  We're trapped in a museum in the biggest quake of the century and you take the time to play a fucking PRANK!?"  I raged.

"Don't worry, this vault is impenetrable, and has four meters of reinforced steel cocooning it.  We aren't getting crushed."  Keon explained.

"Then why is there just... that?"  James asked, referring to the arch.

"Actually, I have no idea.  I just headed down here to hide in the vault, I never knew what could be in it."  Keon said.

"Well, great.  I'm trapped in a underground vault in the middle of a disaster with a group of clueless teenagers."  I complained.

"Oh, Shit!  We don't have any supplies!"  James cried.

"Damn, you're right.  I'll go look for some.  I think the aftershocks are done."  Keon said, and jogged to the door.  "It-Won't-Open!"  Keon grunted as he tried to open the cold steel door.

"It's push, not pull, idiot."  Ewan said.

"Oh.  Well, let me try again."  Keon said, embarrassed, and pushed against the door.  "Egh!  Shit!  We're stuck in here, with no supplies."  Keon realized.

"Then it's time to go see what the hell that arch is."  I said, and we headed to it.  Once we reached it, we each broke apart, and examined separate parts of it.  I couldn't find anything other then the glyph from earlier on the outside, so I walked under it to examine the underside of the arch.  "Huh.  What does this say here...  it looks like..." I said.

"A coffee stain."  Keon said.  "But why is there a coffee stain on this?  And how is this stained?"

"Maybe it isn't a coffee stain?"  Ewan said.  "Here, maybe if we look a bit-"  And Ewan disappeared in a violent burst of light, slightly purple in color.

"HOLY SHIT!  WHAT WAS THAT!  WHAT DID IT DO TO EWAN!"  I shouted, and ran into it, looking for any signs of what might ha-

I opened my eyes.  My body was burning.  My vision was blurred.  I couldn't think, my mind was just... off.  I was nauseous, sweating, I think I was lying in my crap.  Assuming I had crapped myself when I exploded.  Which was probably unlikely since most people wouldn't be able to do anything once exploding.  My vison cleared, and I turned my head.  I lay on a soft, brownish rug, or animal skin.  I began to think again, experiencing sensory overload.  Everything was so bright, so... colorful.  I smelled the air.  It was like a mix of a floral bouquet, and pungent old-lady perfumes.

__

5 Minutes Earlier

__

Royal Castle, Canterlot, Equestria

It was difficult ruling Equestria, even with someone to share the burden with now.  Every day was arguments, negotiations.  There was almost never any time for myself.  And even though I have been putting my hoof down on the issue of weaponry in light of the recent...  Changeling Incident, nearly all of my underlings, ambassadors, and advisors warned me that any of the neighboring kingdoms could attack, as the news of the Incident was widespread, and the weakness of the Equestrian Sun Goddess revealed.  There would never be a time when the Elements, love, or friendship couldn't solve something.  It was paranoia at its finest, I told myself.  Of course we were weakened, but there had been almost no major conflict since the Rise and Defeat of Nightmare Moon, and that was internal.

Weapons were such a petty idea, we had never had a need for them in over a century, and the only reason that they could ever be of use is if, say, a group of trans-dimensional beings were to appear he-

The stone walls shook, loosing debris and rubble into the air.  I coughed, and used my magic to clear  the space around me.  A bright purple sphere began to form in front of her, growing steadily in size.

"Sister! We wish to know what is happening!"  Luna demanded, as she galloped around the corner.

"I wish I knew sister.  Ready the Guard!"  I ordered, and Luna nodded, galloping off down the hall.  If the need arose, I still had my combat magic, though I was a bit rusty.  Nopony, and I mean nopony, will ever be able to hurt my ponies without going through me first.  The sphere grew larger, beginning to gouge a hole in the cobble floor.  Then, it burst.  A flood of light avalanched down the hall, revealing a group of... ponies?

Chapter 2: Escalation

This chapter involves a bunch of griffins, and I have no idea what to address them by gender by, so for now I will use she-griffin, She-Council-Griffin, He-Council-Griffin, and he-griffin.  And yes, I know I am naming griffins in a manner different than the show, but I am breaking from canon for that.

Council Hall, Confederation of Griffin Territories

"And I say we attack now!  They are weakened already, and we have seen how powerful Celestia really is!  She is merely an ant against a boot to our Confederation's Armies!"  Argued Legate Sharp-Talons, a large, gruff he-griffin, and leader of the Confederation's armies.

"We have maintained a mutually beneficial alliance for over a millenium!  Should we attack, she shall simply burn and raze our lands with the might of the sun!  We should be assisting them, not attacking!"  Snapped She-Council-Griffin Light-Feathers.

"Both of you are wrong!"  Burst He-Council-Griffin Stiff-Wings.  "Should we fight, we will be annihilated!  Should we assist, our fragile alliance with the Zebra Republic will shatter!  It is based entirely on our shared mistrust of the Equestrians!  We shall stay neutral!"

"No! We fight!"  Sharp-Talons said.

"That is ridiculous!  We shall help them!"  Cried Light-Feathers.

"Just! Argh!  We obviously can't decide, so let us do NOTHING!"  Stiff-Wings ordered as the heavy oak doors flew open, revealing the figure of a massive, imposing griffin.  It grunted with the force of a storm, silencing the room.  Following it was a smaller, almost childish figure.

"We will attack, but after weakening them.  We shall gain their trust, but allow them to ask for our help, do not go to them.  Until then, Sharp-Talons, train your soldiers.  Light-Feathers, gather resources.  And Stiff-Wings, you shall replace Ambassador Twisted-Beak as our correspondant to the Equestrian Empire.  I hereby dismiss the council."  Boomed the larger figure.

"Yes, o-of c-c-course Grand King, your highness!"  The trio answered in harmony.

"I think we should attack now.  They are pathetic."  The smaller figure answered from the shadows.

"No, my dear.  We shall bide our time, and you will see the results of our cunning and power in action."  The Grand King said.

"Alright,"  Gilda said as she stepped from the shadows.  "Dad."

__

Library Treehouse, Ponyville, Equestria

"Twilight!  Twilight!  I have a -burp- urgent message from Canterlot!"  Spike said as he raced towards Twilight Sparkle's room.

"Not now Spike, I'm bu-  Did you say Canterlot!?  It must be Shiny and Cadance!"  Twilight exclaimed excitedly, jumping in the air and freezing in place in a joyful pose using her magic.

"Okay, uhh, let me get this open!  Okay, here we go!" Spike said.

Dear My Faithful Student Twilight Sparkle,

"Aww, it's from Celestia.  I was looking forward to a message from my BBBFF and my BSBFF."  Twilight complained.

"Quiet Twilight, it's urgent!"  Spike said.

There has been an... incident in Canterlot recently.  It would assist me greatly if you could gather your friends and meet me at the Castle.  Shining Armor will arrive at your home with a carriage tomorrow.

"EEEE!  Shiny is coming!  YAY!"  Twilight said.

"Twilight!  Come on!"  Spike complained.

This is very important, please be ready to leave tomorrow.

Your Mentor,  Princess Celestia

"SHINY IS COMING!  EEEEE!"  Twilight screamed, and burst into song.

Yeah, I am just going to switch location so I don't have to create a song.  Assume it was pretty good.

__

Royal Castle, Canterlot, Equestria

The tall white creature shot us with a strange, multicolored beam.  I instantly felt better, and pulled myself off of the ground.  I seemed to be... a pony?  Yes!  I was in Equestria!  Just like all of those fanfics I had read!  I got up, rubbed my eyes, and looked around.  The white creature was Celestia!  Ewan, Keon, and James were still pulling themselves off of the ground.  That arch must have been some sort of dimensional teleporter!

"Hi, uh, um, Princess, your Highness, uh, are we in, um, Equestria?"  I said, trying to sound submissed and beggarly.

"Wha- Why are you asking if you are in Equestria?  You just appeared here in a flash of light.  I know nothing more about you than you do."  She replied, gracefully.

"Ergh, where are we..."  Ewan groaned as he climbed up. I trotted over and helped him up.  Huh, this seems natural.  Like I was always supposed to walk on four legs.

"You are in Equestria.  I am Celestia, who are you?"  Celestia inquired.

"Wait, I'm in Equestria?!"  Ewan said.

"Yeah, apparently." I replied.

"YES!  I ALWAYS WANTED TO COME HERE!"  Ewan shouted, and bro-hoofed me.

"Calm down, both of you.  I know not your intentions, and we are in a weakened state.  What is your business?"

"Well, we all came here when..."

Yep, another long part-skip scene cut.  Don't judge me bro!

__

Natural Museum of History, Los Angeles, California

The chatter of the radios, the cries of the injured, the grief of those who were fortunate enough to survive.  Why had it have to be then?  Over 200 people were still missing, at least 50 confirmed to be children.  Rubble, collapsed pillars, all splattered with the entrails of the lost.  50 bodies had been found, only four of them children.  There were almost no survivors, just those fortunate enough to be outside or near the entrance when it began.  And then the aftershocks began again.  Ladders toppled, rubble shifted, gas lines ruptured, and a chain smoker lit a cigarette to calm down.  He got out his lighter, and flicked the wheel.  It sparked, and the gas ignited, the flame spread, roaring upwards, outwards, inwards, and consuming everything.

__

Sweet Apple Acres, Ponyville, Equestria

Twilight galloped into the barn, where Big Macintosh was stacking bales of hay.

"Big Mac!  Thank Celestia!  I need to find Applejack, do you know where he is!?"  Twilight said.

"Eeyup."  Big Mac said, and nodded his head toward the field.

"She's in the fields?  Thanks!"  Twilight said, and darted from the barn.  Twilight bounded over bushes, rushed over rocks, and assassinated the rest of my alliteration on the way.  She flew through the fields, and eventually ran into Applejack.  Literally.  As Applejack was bucking a tree.

"OW!"  Twilight cried, as she was bucked in the face.

"Oh, sorry, I didna see ya there, Twilaght."  Applejack replied in her southern drawl.

"Listen, Applejack, this is really important!  The Princess has requested our presence, and soon!  Can you postpone the harvest a few days?"  Twilight pleaded.

"Sorry honey, but I cahn't.  We 'ave to get these harvested real soon, but I'll be done real quick now, ya hear?"  Applejack said.

"Alright, but hurry!  She needs us tomorrow!"  Twilight exclaimed, and teleported away.

Chapter 3: Integration

Well, not much to say in my obligatory chapter introduction except congratulations to MyLittleBurger on his OCs getting accepted, they fill a pretty good plot hole, and I have something interesting for them...

Natural Museum of History, Los Angeles, California

30 Minutes before the Earthquake of the Century...

"Bill, please take care of Cynthia while she is with you, alright dear?"  Mrs. Wullardson, Bill's mom, asked.  Why am I still taking orders from my mom? He thought.

"Mom, don't worry.  I'd never let anything happen to my little sis' now, would I?"  He said as he kneeled down, allowing Cynthia to hop on his back.

"Let's go to the planet room, Billy!"  Cynthia said, strangely enthusiastic for a nine year old in a museum.

"Alright, let's go!"  Bill said, as he began walking down the hall at a moderate pace.  He strolled down the hall, occasionally slowing to look at exhibits he was interested in, but ultimately ended up in the Planetarium.

"Wow, those are so cool!"  murmured Cynthia in awe.

"Heh, I know sis, if only you could've seen them in person like dad."  Bill replied.

"Yeah, like -sniff- dad."  Cynthia said, as she did her finest to hold back a barrage of tears, the same flood that came every time she thought about her late father.

"Hey, Sis, don't worry.  I mean, you're having a good time, right?"  Bill asked.

"Yeah, Billy.  I am.  I just wish dad could be here too.  He loved this room.  Sometimes I can still imagine him here, with us."  Cynthia said.

"Well Sis, just relax and have a good time.  We aren't gonna be here much longer before we have to head back to DC."  Bill said soothingly.  He noticed a group of kids in the corner of his eye.  It seemed to be some sort of field trip, as they were corralled into a group by a few adults.  Hopefully they were enjoying their time here as much as Cyn-  Oh shit!  Cynthia was gone! he thought.  Where could she be? He pondered, and left to head towards the most grandiose exhibit, a 1:3 scale model of the same shuttle that their father had died on.  She had to be there.  As he arrived, the floor began to shake, and a deep rumbling began to ricochet through the walls.

The quake had begun.  The door to the womans' restroom burst open, Cynthia came flying out towards Bill; he picked her up and clutched her to his chest in a protective manner.  He ran for cover, something sturdy, and large.  The shuttle.  He darted back to the exhibit and told Cynthia to crawl under it, with him following.  The large, sturdy support beams for the model were barely creaking, as the rest of the room began to crumble like a Muppet at an Iron Will seminar on Methamphetamines.  He was helpless, so was she, the siblings relying on a representation of the very thing that had driven a spike into their lives with the death of their father; only now it was saving them from certain death.  Immobile, they watched the happenings around them.  A group of teenagers were heading towards the employee exit, until one of them bolted back down, and shouted something.

It was inaudible over the current raucous, yet he still raced into the crowd, trying to save some of the children who were clustered together under the... Oh god.   The horribly unstable looking Director's Booth.  Bill covered Cynthia's eyes and looked away.  He heard a massive crash, creaking, and screaming.  Then, a horrible, moist squishing sound.  The guy who ran back was apparently crushed by the booth.  The group he was with ran through the door with a tribal looking guy in an employee uniform.  Bill was a aspiring Seismologist, and he knew what happened after a quake, especially one that big.  The aftershocks.  One by one, they passed, annihilating the area again and again.  He saw the tribal employee return and climb into the toppled booth, pulling out a profusely bleeding figure.  He bandaged him, and took him back into the door.

Bill eventually decided to escape.  He grabbed Cynthia, and followed the path of the man from earlier.  It lead to a massive flight of miraculously undamaged stairs, which went further and further down, almost sadistically long.  Eventually, it ended at a large steel door, lying on the floor, its frame misshapen to the point of it breaking.  Bill entered with Cynthia, and they saw nothing in the room except a few bloodstains, a trio of brown robes, and a strange arch with some glyphs on it.  Seeing as they were trapped, they decided to investigate the area.

As they approached, they saw the glyph... change?  Bill was sure he was just hallucinating from lack of rest.  It seemed to look like:

SELOHSSA ,EM HGUORHT OG ,ENIF

Bill approached it, slowly.  There seemed to be some kind of burn on the granite floor, along with a... dried up blood stain on the arch?  He approached it, cautiously, and peered into the center.  That was when a large shockwave accompanied by a loud rumble knocked him over, and into the arch.  A light flashed around him, and he was engulfed in a slight burning sensation, and disappeared.

"Billy!"  Cynthia cried, and ran over to where Bill had just been, running under the arch, and experiencing the same sensation as Bill.

__

Royal Castle, Canterlot, Equestria

"That is.. an impressive story, Matthew."  Princess Celestia said.

"Yeah, I kinda can't believe it myself!"  I said.

"Your ru- I mean I find that story hard to believe, despite its ingenuity."  Said Luna, investigatively.

"Yeah, I don't even want to be here.  I would rather be in the world of EVE Online or something, myself.  But I think I can stand this place for the REST OF MY FUCKING LIFE!"  Shouted James, still confused, and stunned with disbelief that he had been sent to Equestria.  He had never been a brony, but tolerated their existence, considering one of his closest friends was one.  Still, being sent to a world he was completely unfamiliar with just as he was getting to understand normal life was shocking.

"Yeah, James does have a point.  Why are we here, anyways?"  Keon said, noticeably more calm than James.  He wasn't a brony either, but he seemed to accept it.  "It is destiny."  He said when we asked about his demeanor.

"None of us know, and apparently they don't either.  But seeing as how we are stuck here, we might as well try to fit in.  Maybe we could try to find a job, or somewhere to live or something.  I mean, we can't stay in the royal throne room being interrogated forever."  I said.

"Who said this was an interrogation?"  Said Celestia.

"Well, it might have been the legion of guards hiding behing the doors.  HEY!  YOU GUYS!  I CAN SEE YOU, YOU KNOW!"  Ewan shouted towards the door, where a response was garnered.

"Huh? Who?  We're jus- I mean I'm just a simple royal courier..."  The silhouette replied.

"No, you are not.  I know you are a royal guard."  I said.

"Alright, maybe we are a bit... nervous about your arrival.  It is admitably suspicious, with no proof."  Celestia said.

"Well, we can provide proof, I mean, we could maybe...tell about our lives before we got sent here?  I mean, we couldn't make this crazy stuff up on the spot."  I replied.

"Well, We- I can hear you out I guess."  Luna said, just as another bright purple sphere began to form.

"What the hell is that?"  I inquired.

"It seems that more ponies are coming through this "Arch" of yours!"  Celestia said as she formed a magical barrier.  "Everyone behind me!"  She said.

The sphere grew, and exploded, swinging the doors open violently.

"OW! THAT BUCKING HURTS!" A royal guard behing the door exclaimed.

"I TOLD YOU SO!"  I shouted over the ricocheting blast.

Bill was feeling like he had jumped in a pool full of boiling water.  Made of needles.  Coated in cyanide.  And molten.  It hurt.  A lot.  He felt like his spine had been twisted into an L.  He opened his eyes, and rubbed them.  There was a group of... horses?  But wait... something was wrong... where was Cynthia!?