Barren

by The Abyss

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Princess Luna
Length: 2976

When Cadence told Celestia she was having twins, the princess of the sun wanted to be happy. The truth is that this revelation is nothing more then a soul crushing reminder to her, for she is unable to bear foals of her own.

When Cadence told Celestia she was having twins, the princess of the sun wanted to be happy for her. She tried very hard to be happy for her, but she couldn’t. Celestia knew that it was inevitable, but hearing that Cadence was having foals drove a dagger of jealousy through her heart, for she is able to have something that Celestia can never have: foals.

Edited by Rated Ponystar
Proofread by Neko Majin C
Pre-read by RainbowBob

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Published 2014-10-26 21:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-26 21:20:03 UTC

The Things we have in Common

The Canterlot Gardens are beautiful this time of year… Celestia thought as she walked along the stone path with her sister, letting her thoughts roam about. Silence stood between them as they walked past flowers of all colors, lending them their comforts from the stresses of the courts. It was already late in the afternoon. Leaves of varying fall colors fell down around them, covering the path.

Ponies from all walks of life would come to them so that she could solve their quarrels, an act that quickly grew tedious as the day dragged on. Her court would run for most of the day for four days a week, and more often than not, the line of ponies waiting for her judgement would stretch out of the throne room and around the corner. She hated days like those, and today had been one of those days. The line had been at least thirty ponies long, and she knew she would have gone insane if she had to listen to another farmer drawl on about how his neighbor was encroaching on their land. Now that she was done, it was Luna’s turn next week, giving her the time she needed to do her own things. There was more to life than just ruling after all.

There were two things that had gotten her through the day. One was the fact that it was a Thursday, which meant that she wouldn’t have to deal with other ponies’ problems for a couple of weeks—a fact that she was immensely grateful for. The other was that she was supposed to meet Cadence and Shining Armor in the center of the garden as soon as she was free. Why they had wanted to meet in such a secluded place was lost on her, but she figured it must be something important.

“There they are, sis!” Luna said, nudging Celestia’s side with her a wing to break her from her thoughts.

Celestia looked up. Luna was right, for Cadence and Shining Armor sat on the edge of the fountain that marked the center of the gardens.

“Auntie!” Cadence exclaimed as she ran over to Celestia. “Oh, it’s been too long!” She pulled her into a ferocious hug and nuzzled her, wrapping her wings around her neck.

“It sure has, Cadence.” Celestia smiled as they broke apart. She looked at Shining Armor expecting a hug from him, but all she got was a simple nod. She inclined her head and looked back at Cadence, who was bouncing up and down on her hooves in excitement, much like a certain pink earth pony. “So tell me, what has got you so excited?” she asked slowly, wondering what could have happened to have gotten her niece in such a state.

“I’m pregnant with twins!” Cadence squeed, her wide smile threatening to break her face apart.

Celestia just stared at Cadence in silence. When her niece’s smile started to falter, she shook her head and stepped forward to pull her into another hug, throwing a fake smile on her face. Her eye twitched as she lied, “Oh Cadence, your words bring much joy to my old heart!” She felt a lone tear slip from her eye as old long-lost feelings of hurt and depression came to the surface.

“Is… is everything all right, Auntie?” Cadence asked as she took a hesitant step back, a worried look upon her face.

“Yes, I’m fine… I just need some time alone to process this…” And with that, Celestia teleported away with a small pop, leaving three bewildered ponies behind.

“Um… is she going to be okay?” Shining Armor asked, his voice holding no small amount of trepidation.

“I don’t know…” Luna whispered as she looked up the mountainside, knowing exactly where her sister had gone. “I don’t know…”

It’s nearing that time of year again…

Celestia took a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh, smiling wistfully to herself as the cool autumn breeze caressed her mane, making it stir ever so gently. The wind danced upon her back, lending her a gentle comfort one would be hard-pressed to attain elsewhere.

To the best of her knowledge, she was the only one who had discovered this place, her sanctuary. She had kept it a secret from all others, wanting to keep this as a place that she could retreat to so that she could be completely undisturbed.

Now, she was resting in the large depression just beneath the peaks of the mountains above Canterlot. Over time, life had taken over the barren and rocky land, turning it into something beautiful, something that Celestia hoped would never change. The grass was as green as ever; somehow it would always stay at a perfect height. Several cherry blossom trees dotted the land around her, and countless pine trees taller than a four-story building dotted the peaks that surrounded her, concealing her from prying eyes. A large lake had formed over time, covering most of the area.

She was laying under her favorite cherry blossom tree, the one that she had found so many years ago. She would always come to this place at the end of the summer, right when the blossoms fell to the ground. Celestia found solace in this place, for it removed from her the worries and stresses of leading an entire nation.

She had first found this place after discovering something that had torn apart her heart and soul. Nopony knew this, but once she had made it to her bedroom for some well-deserved privacy, she had instantly teleported away, uncaring as to where she would go. She had discovered this place by chance, reappearing near the lake’s edge in the very same spot in which she lay right now.

Feeling the breeze upon her cheek, Celestia glanced up and saw that the tree held only a few blossoms, each one special in its own way. As she watched, the wind slowly but surely plucked them away, one by one, until the tree was left utterly bare. The blossoms fell away to land on the lake’s perfect, undisturbed surface, creating tiny ripples that marred its mirror-like surface. The difference was that the trees would get their blossoms back, to restore themselves once more to a beautiful display for everypony’s enjoyment, but not Celestia. Time had taken its toll on her body, taking the one thing that could never be recovered, the one thing that mattered most to her: her ability to have foals.

She hated to admit it, but after much testing, she was completely and utterly barren.

The doctors had told her that she had lost the ability to have foals hundreds of years ago. Unable and unwilling to believe their disheartening words, she had made a few rash decisions and had tried to mate with a few of her guards, hoping that she would be able to conceive a foal. She had done everything by the book and had consulted with many doctors and nurses that specialized in pregnancies, but it was all for naught. Unable to conceive a foal of her own, and without her beloved sister to confide in, she had bottled her feelings of loss and depression inside for so many years. She had made those aware of her indiscretions swear to her that they would never speak of what she did again under punishment of life in prison, and thus had let that bit of history fade away into dust.

As she turned her attention to the lake, she thought back to all of the plans she had made for when she had her foals. She would have let somepony temporarily rule in her place while she raised them, giving all of her attention to the one she would cherish most. Now she knew for a fact that that would never happen. A sole tear slipped from her eye as old feelings of bitterness and loneliness crept up inside of her, threatening to break her resolve.

Who would want an old, dried up mare like me? Her shoulders slumped as that question popped into her mind. Closing her eyes, she let her head droop as she thought, Nopony wants me because of who I am… They just want me because of my position… She knew that all too well, for her last suitor, the captain of her Royal Guard at the time, had only wanted to be with her to further his position. As soon as she had discovered his true intentions, she had broken up with him and demoted him. She had hated herself for it in the months that followed, for she had thought that he was truly the one for her, but she had slowly but surely reconciled herself to the fact that he wasn’t worth her time. It was because of that experience that she had decided to never put herself out there like that again.

Letting her gaze flick back and forth across the lake, her eyes fell upon the sole creature that she’d been able to find during her time here: a beautiful white, regal swan. Each time she came here to think, her only company was the swan. Whenever she visited the lake, it always swam near her, but never close enough for them to touch. Celestia smiled as she noticed the swan change its path as it swam around a thick grove of trees, heading in her general direction. In the time that she’d first laid eyes on the swan, Celestia had never seen her with little ones of her own, leading her to assume that she was as barren as she was. She had found solace in that fact they were in the same boat; alone in this world.

To her immense surprise, the sound of high-pitched chirps broke her from her thoughts. Confused, she looked around and quickly located the source of the noise. Just like when she had been talking to Cadence earlier, Celestia let a small smile slip on her face as she spotted three little cygnets swim around the bend that their mother had just come from, struggling to catch up to her. Their cute little chirps sent little shivers of joy through her, making her feel happy for the swan. Yet as she watched the cygnets catch up to their mother, she suddenly felt a pit of jealousy form within her; the most predominant thing she felt was betrayal. Her gaze shot back to look at the swan, and to her surprise, it stopped and turned to look directly at her.

In the few moments that they held each other’s gaze, a calming sensation swept through Celestia’s body, washing away her fears and insecurities. For just a few moments, they were equals, the two of them nothing but creatures silently acknowledging the other’s presence in the tranquility that they shared. Finally, Celestia closed her eyes and bowed her head, trying her hardest to let her petty feelings go. She looked back up with a fake smile, staying silent as she watched the regal creatures swim away, their movements making tiny ripples in the water as they left her to her thoughts.

As soon as they were out of sight, though, she broke down, letting her tears cascade down her face. She laid her head on forelegs and wrapped a wing over her head, hiding herself from the cruel world. She had never felt so alone, and after seeing the one creature she thought she could relate to betray her in such a personal way only made her heart hurt that much more.

Celestia cried until the tears stopped flowing from her eyes. All was quiet, save for the soft breeze and the cicadas that chirped all around her. After no small amount of time, Celestia finally let her wing slip from her face. She folded it back against her side and looked back over the empty lake. A few moments later, she heard a soft pop, a sound revealing that somepony had just teleported nearby. She sent tendrils of magic outwards until one of them connected with somepony familiar, somepony she knew quite well. A couple of seconds passed before she heard soft hoofsteps approach from behind her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath to try and calm her nerves.

“Ho–how did you find me, Luna?” Celestia asked, unable to steady her wavering voice. Without bothering to wipe the tears from her face, she turned to look at her sister.

“It’s… it’s not hard to find the most powerful being in Equestria, Celly…” Luna said softly, stepping closer. She laid down against her right side and wrapped a warm and reassuring wing over her back, holding onto her tightly. Luna stayed silent for a few moments, then nuzzled her sister on the cheek, wiping away some of her tears with her muzzle. “I know something’s bothering you; I’ve noticed it since my return…” She rested her head against Celestia’s strong neck, then softly murmured, “Since when have we ever kept secrets from each other, sister?”

Luna’s words tore into her like a freshly-sharpened blade would through wet parchment. As the tears started anew, Celestia regretted having kept this from her sister; she should have known better than to bottle everything up inside. Part of her wanted to keep everything hidden, but the other part of her screamed at her to open up and spill everything out to her sister. She knew without a doubt that she could trust her, so why was she holding back?

“I’m infertile,” Celestia finally whispered, letting her ears fall flat against her head. She heard her sister gasp so softly she almost thought it was the wind. “I was so torn up about losing you, my beloved sister, to Nightmare Moon that I didn’t–couldn’t–date anypony for the few hundred years that followed your banishment. When I finally started looking for somepony to love, the doctors told me that I had ‘waited too long’. I made some terrible decisions, ones I regret to this day, but my efforts were all for naught…”

Celestia cleared her throat as she felt Luna rub her back. “This is the only place where I can truly relax and find solace, Luna. I had thought that there was nobody in the same situation, but I came across a sole swan. For the past ten years, I had not seen her mate. I felt a strong connection grow between us from our shared inability to reproduce, but that bond was shattered minutes ago when I saw that…” She paused for a moment as she started sniffling. Feelings of regret and betrayal forced themselves back to the surface. “that she had had offspring…” Celestia trailed off as she finally let her emotions get the best of her. She buried her head into Luna’s shoulder as sobs wracked her body, leaving her weak and defenseless.

“And when Cadence told you that she was having twins… oh, dearest sister…” Luna said softly. As her sister’s cries of anguish became louder and louder, she wrapped a foreleg around her neck and let her cry into her shoulder. “There, there… everything’s alright…” When Celestia didn’t respond, she remained silent and strong for her, and after a few minutes, Celestia started to quiet down.

“If it’s any consolation, Cell–Celestia…” Luna chose to drop using the playful nickname. She wiped the tears from her sister’s face and held her head under her own, just like a mother would do with her foal. “You aren’t alone…”

“Whu–what do you mean?” Celestia whispered in a hoarse voice.

“When I first came back to the castle with you on that one night, you made me go straight to the doctors for a full medical exam… You remember that?” She felt Celestia’s head nod beneath her. “Yeah, well… they told me I was fine both mentally and physically, except for the fact that you and I now have something in common…” Celestia tensed up underneath her.

“Wait…” Celestia cleared her throat. “Are you saying you cannot have foals?” She pulled her head out from under her sister’s and looked her dead in the eye.

Luna wilted under her sister’s penetrating gaze. “…Yes, Celestia. I’m infertile as well. I–” She was cut off, suddenly finding herself in her sister’s embrace. Luna opened her mouth to say that she had already gotten over it, but she chose to just keep silent. Letting a small smile slip onto her face, she bowed her head and laid it over her sister’s.

After a minute, Celestia pulled back. The setting sun was nearing the horizon; the time to set the sun had passed several minutes ago. So without getting up, she lit her horn and did her duty, Luna following suit several seconds later. As the light slowly but surely disappeared from the sky, Luna lit her horn once more for a few brief seconds.

“Look up, dearest sister,” Luna whispered, pointing to a point in the sky across the lake.

Celestia looked where her sister had pointed. Squinting her eyes, she just barely made out the shape of a heart made up of several bright stars. “Oh, Luna…” she breathed, leaning her head against her sister’s. “It’s so lovely…”

“Just like my best sister in the world…” Luna said, briefly tightening her grip with her foreleg. “Just remember that that you’re never alone, Celestia…”

No small amount of gratitude swelled up inside of Celestia, and as she wrapped a wing over her sister's back, she felt a lone tear slip from her eye. Luna’s confession had strengthened her resolve, giving her the necessary strength to compose herself for the coming days. “I love you so much, Luna…” she said, pulling her sister closer with her wing.

“I love you too…”