Lyra Hates Hands

by Syeekoh

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Bon-Bon
Length: 897

Lyra tells Twilight that she hates minotaurs and their gross hands.

After teleportation practice, Lyra lets Twilight in on a little secret that has Twilight questioning a whole host of other things about her new friend.

Published 2014-10-24 23:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-24 23:20:02 UTC

Ew No

"Alright, Lyra. You can do it. Just focus."

Lyra looked at Twilight and nodded. "Okay, here goes nothing."

Lyra closed her eyes as a golden glow encased her horn, shining brightly as beads of sweat dripped down her face. She then popped a small distance away.

Twilight grinned as she clapped her hooves excitedly. "That's great, Lyra! That looks to be about twice as far as you teleported last week!"

Lyra opened her eyes, looked around in wonder, and smiled. "Awesome! I did it!"

"Yeah, you're really improving, Lyra. Let me get my measuring tape to see exactly how far you traveled," said Twilight as she scampered around her laboratory, searching for the object of her desire.

Lyra watched Twilight scurry around, a smile plastered across her face. She really felt like the two of them had connected over the past couple of weeks, and thought that it would be safe to tell Twilight her secret.

"Hey... Twilight?"

Twilight was lost in a pile of... stuff. "What is it, Lyra?"

"I have something I want to tell you. A secret."

Twilight lifted her head up. "Yes?"

Lyra took a deep breath. "Twilight... I really hate minotaurs."

Twilight pursed her lips together and extracted herself from the odds and ends of her lab. "Okay, what makes you feel this way?"

"Well, it's just everything about them. Their big, burly chests... the creepy way they walk... and those things on the ends of their arms."

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "You mean hands?"

Lyra shuddered. "Yes, those!"

"Well, those are just surface issues. I'm sure if you met a minotaur, you'd find them perfectly—"

"—but that's just it! I could never see myself even talking to one if I had to stare at those the entire time!" Lyra said as she gagged.

Twilight nodded slowly. "Well, not all species are blessed with Equestrian magic like we are, so they've developed other evolutionary traits to—"

"—they're like worms, or dicks!" Lyra said. Her eyes widened. "That's it! They look like tiny dicks coming out of where their hooves should be. It's gross!"

Twilight looked down, then looked at Lyra. "Is this really about hands?"

Lyra looked up and arched an eyebrow. "Why wouldn't it be about hands?"

"Well, aside from their bipedal motion, you've described two features of stallions. Are you sure this isn't about your personal sexual preferences?"

Lyra gagged. "Twilight, that's gross! What would make you think I'm attracted to those monsters?"

Twilight sighed and shook her head. "I'm not implying that you're secretly attracted to minotaurs. That would just be silly." Twilight looked at Lyra. "I mean your homosexuality."

Lyra stared cock-eyed at Twilight. "Homosawhatsit?"

"I mean the fact that you're... gay."

Lyra shot a glare at Twilight. "I am not gay!" Lyra roared, her barrel heaving at the baseless accusation.

"They why do you make out with Sweetie Drops?"

Lyra shifted her eyes. "Um, Sweetie Drops told me that that's what best friends do." Lyra groaned and headed towards the door. "Whatever. I guess we weren't as close as I thought."

Twilight frowned as she watched Lyra trot away. "So, see you next week?"

"Yeah, whatever," Lyra said as she slammed the door.

"Huh," Twilight said, "that was weird." She dove back into the detritus to search for her measuring tape. She really needed to get her lab organized.

Sweetie Drops was sitting in her easy chair reading the paper when she heard the door open.

"Hey, Lyra," she said as she flipped the page, "Dinner’s in the oven. It’s a surprise, just how you like it.” Sweetie Drops blinked. “How was teleportation practice with Twilight?"

She heard a grunt from behind her. "It was whatever."

Sweetie Drops examined the newspaper. "That good, huh?"

She heard hoofsteps coming around to in front of her when a golden glow pushed her paper down, revealing Lyra's face. He eyes were slitted and she was breathing heavily.

"She accused us of being gay because I told her I hate hands."

Sweetie Drops buried her face into her hoof, then faced Lyra. "Lyra, we are gay."

Lyra let go of the newspaper as her eyes widened. "We... we are?"

"Yes, Lyra. It's just that every time I tell you you freak out—"

Sweetie Drops' voice was drowned out by Lyra wailing rather vociferously and slamming her knees on the ground, causing Sweetie Drops to wince and press her ears to her head.

"Damnit, Lyra," she said under her breath. She waited as Lyra kept screaming. Finally, Lyra inhaled sharply—

"I was just kidding," Sweetie Drops said.

Lyra looked up. "Really? So we're not gay?"

"Nope," Sweetie Drops said as she repositioned her newspaper, "just two female friends who happen to have sex."

Lyra grinned, leapt from her hooves and hugged Sweetie Drops tightly, planting a kiss on her cheek. "Thank you! You have no idea how much this means to me!"

Sweetie Drops grunted as she flipped to another page of her newspaper. "Anything to get you to shut up. Now get off me and go eat your dinner."

Lyra let go of Sweetie Drops and blushed. “And then we’ll have best friends sex?”

“Yes, then we’ll have best friends sex.”

“Great! See you after dinner!” Lyra said as she dashed to the kitchen.

Sweetie Drops flipped another page. “Fine.” Wow, she really is a dumbass sometimes.