Teh Bestest Baconfic Evar

by b1206914

Rating: mature
Tags: Random
Length: 977

Something something bacon

Wrote this with a friend. We took turns adding one word each.

Our sincerest apologies to worldofdimensions for defacing their art. That's supposed to be hair.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-24 23:09:00 UTC

Chapter 1

It is a big mistake to do things you can't explain to people. Whatever you think might stink really really really really big and like whatever. I totally learned nothing like totally however your fat hairy ass looks like totally hairy and fat bitch. Yo yo dawg I hurd u liek fat and hairy asses. So I put a hairball in your fat and hairy ass. R u mad bro? This is Sonata Fucking Time. Your banana is yellow and hairy. Don't mess with my banana shed. Bitch please. I'm like totally writing on your dick. Also your dick is hairy. Maybe you should shave your fat ass bitch. While you're at it also apply the decontamination stick on your snow. Be sure to abuse several paperclips with your fat orange haired calipers. U little piece of banana peels should be more racist. Bacon smells like bananas in winter. If and only if your banana is made of bacon you will succeed in the seemingly impossible task of making hairy bananas that smell like Sunset Shimmer! Why am I even. Seriously this shit is hairy and fat you fat and hairy bitch. I like bacon hair on a bacon ass banana. This totally is the ultimate mega ultra super uber special fetish fanfic maaan of all the most ultimate mega ultra super uber special fetish fanfics of the whole year maaan. You should totally throw it on the ground. I'm so maaan? Also you suck ballz at your own fat hairy mom's basement. You are so fat and not bald in your face. Did I mention that you totally are a huge and hairy ape? Sunset Shimmer would be totally hot on the sun. You need more hair on your head and less on your ass and some sprinkles on top of your nose. One should always think before eating banana flavoured apples or you might be combusted by Sunset Shimmer. Never ever forget to clean Sunset Shimmer's pants after using bacon on them. Otherwise you will end up being dead or even covered in bacon flavoured pear shaped beans. That would not be particularly sexy. But maybe you are not into sex with people who like bacon anyway. Your whole purpose in life is to go to school. If you don't go to school you suck at life. Unless you also have bacon in your pants. Then you are set. Remember Sunset Shimmer likes bananas and hairy bacon. This is an outrage. I'm not amused. This really has my attention deficit. What are you even doing with my fat and hairy bacon flavoured pair of socks in your fat and hairy mouth. That's disgusting and sexy. Please don't stop. Oh my. That's my favourite place to put my fat and hairy socks. Try not to break anything expensive while you eat Sunset Shimmer's boots. That's what I'm telling everyone. I am BATMAN! So what's in my pants? Hint: It's hairy and totally not fat. If you are a good pony you may touch my new bacon flavoured iPod. Just because I'm flat-chested I'm not without benefits if you know what I mean. Sonata is totally a fat and hairy taco. Her filling tastes like your bacon flavoured orange dyed multivitamin juice made of babies. Just so you know, I'm flat-chested and kinda not busty. Please don't feed the big ugly not at all sexy Aria statue. This makes no sense at all you stupid fat and hairy shit covered ball of shit and hair. Don't ever try to fuck your banana without peeling your orange first. Also make sure to stretch Sunset Shimmer's bacon colored jumpsuit because if you don't you will rip your underwear. I propose to build a giant phallic object. This object will look phallic. The phallicness shall be maximised for maximum phallicness factor. This will ensure that the optimum phallicness can be maintained at any given time. We also need some bacon on the phallic object. Ideally it should be placed on the tip - just for you. The tip should consist of mostly smaller organic curved things. Also the jumpsuit plays a significant role in our construction. It will be an obvious and fashionable addition to the phallic object. However, beware of the dangers of stretching tight jumpsuits like Sunset Shimmer. Many accidents happen because of Sunset Shimmer looking tight. So be careful when ogling tacos. Always eat lots of bacon if in distress! Should you run out of bananas break off the phallic object's bacon tip and put it in your hairy pants. Where Sunset Shimmer's toes cannot reach the bacon beach it does not rain. To prove this turn up the math to eleven. Q.e.d. From my experience it is better to rub your bacon on a green surface than jump over the new phallic object. Afterwards clean your bacon of doom with a dirt-stained taco. Take more drugs from Sunset Shimmer's dealer and sell him bananas with tacos for breakfast. Make sure he hates you and your bananas with all their taconess. If you mess with my bacon covered Sunset Shimmer I will destroy the whole moon and also the new kid on the block. I really hate apples and I really need more phallic things in my fat and hairy pants. Please kill all apples with fire. Sunset Shimmer will do your entire laundry in her laundry full shed. Shave all pants before you apply the bacon sauce. Well, the way they make shows is, they make one show. That show's called a pilot. Then they show that show to the people who make shows, and on the strength of that one show they decide if they're going to make more shows. Some pilots get picked and become television programs. Some don't, become nothing. She starred in one of the ones that became nothing.