Thunderlane awoke slowly, unwilling to surrender his dreams easily but powerless in the face of Celestia’s morning glory filtering into his room through a crack in his curtains. Shifting to sit up, the dark grey stallion twisted to crack his spine and stretched his forelegs above his head. When he had finally reached an upright position he flapped his wings a few time to dislodge errant feathers and loosen his muscles.
Unabashedly scratching himself, Thunderlane wandered into his bathroom to begin his morning ablutions. After a quick shower and thorough preening and brushing, Thunderlane slicked his pale blue and white streaked mane into his traditional mohawk, reflecting on his time in the Buffalo tribes as part of a cultural exchange program. His tail, short as it was, merely was shaken out and left to hang as it pleased.
Finally almost ready to start his day, Thunderlane began rummaging around his room for his weather gear. First on were his fog-proof goggles, essential to seeing while flying in the rain and wind. Next came the aerodynamic suit, though that was quickly discarded in favour of showcasing his lustrous fur to any mare that happened to be watching as he flew. He wasn’t needing to go all that fast today, anyway. Penultimately were three horseshoes, treated to reflect lightning and coax rain from the clouds. Lastly was his lucky shoe, which had seen him to Zebrica and back, and what Thunderlane liked to attribute his -
Thunderlane paused, still groggy from his morning stupor. He knew that at this point in the day he’d already have found his lucky horseshoe and latched it on. He swiveled his head to look at his left hind leg, where the shoe normally went. Bare hoof stared back at him. He looked back to his bedroom, messy as it was, and thought that he must have missed it.
Thirty minutes later and Thunderlane had torn his room apart, unable to find his lucky horseshoe. The dresser drawers were tossed about, empty, the bed was on its side, and the mirror was laying on the floor. Thunderlane stood in the midst of the wreckage, panting as though he had just flown for hurricane season on the coast all in one sitting.
Soon the rest of the house followed the bedroom’s example. Furniture was upturned, drawers were flung about, cabinets were haphazardly emptied, and some planks in in the floor were torn up in desperation. Thunderlane was minutes away from uprooting his house entirely when there was a knock on the door. He flung the door open violently and stared at the grey mare with a straw coloured mane on the other side.
“Mail call!” Derpy chirped, seemingly oblivious to Thunderlane’s haggard appearance. She had a letter gripped in two of her primaries, which she was offering to the stallion of the house.
“Oh. Uh, thanks, Ms. Hooves.”
“No problem, it’s my job, after all. Good luck with the shoe thing!”
“Uh, right.” Thunderlane took the letter and closed the door before something clicked in his mind. “Wait, Derpy!” He flung the door open to see the mailmare hovering inches away from his porch.
“Yeah?”
“How’d you know I was missing my lucky horseshoe?”
Derpy giggled. “Well, you’ve been screaming about it for the last hour. I’m surprised nopony’s come to check on you yet.”
“Oh. Right.”
“Really, I could hear you from the other side of town! You’ve got some real lungs on you, you know, you should join the Opera or something.”
“I’ll, uh, take that into consideration. Thanks again and, uh, watch out for… birds?”
“Sure thing! Bye Mister Thunderlane!”
Thunderlane mutely waved as Derpy flew off, nearly colliding with a flock of ducks as they flew overhead before he shook his head and closed his front door to read his letter.
Mister Thunderlane,
The note read.
It has come to our attention that you have become friends with one Miss Fluttershy. As such, we determined that you are in a unique position that can be used for our goals. To ensure that you comply, we have taken you lucky horseshoe hostage. Bring Fluttershy to Big Lung Hall, or you will never wear your luck on your hoof again.
Incensed at the theft of his horseshoe, Thunderlane’s cries gathered angry thunderclouds above him. He quickly busted through his front door and raced to Fluttershy’s cottage on the outskirts of Ponyville. He was about to barge through her door when he recalled that Fluttershy was a timid and waifish creature, and so settled for rapidly knocking on her door.
After a minute of agitatedly waiting and just before Thunderlane was about to knock again, the door to Fluttershy’s home inched open, and one teal eye poked out before the door opened the rest of the way, revealing Fluttershy’s long pink mane and butter yellow fur.
“Oh, um, hello Thunderlane. I didn’t forget an appointment did I? Oh, I’m sorry if I did, but Pinkie came over for tea, and I must have lost track of time and-”
“It’s alright, Fluttershy, you didn’t miss anything, but I need your help. Someone took my lucky shoe, you see-”
“What?!” Came a cry from inside the house. Pinkie Pie shoved Fluttershy out of the doorway and took Thunderlane into a crushing hug. “Oh you poor thing! What kind of meany pants would steal someones most favouritest horseshoe?”
“Pmph. Nnd t’ brf.”
“Pf, no you don’t silly, you’re as real as I am!” Pinkie giggled before letting Thunderlane go.
“I- What?”
“Nothing, silly. Now, who took your shoe? Go on, you can tell your Aunty Pinkie.”
“Well, I don’t know, but I got a note from Big Lung Hall saying-”
“Big Lung Hall! Those dastardly dastards! Fluttershy!” Pinkie turned to Fluttershy, who had stood patiently behind her. “I need the coffee.”
“O-Oh. Are you sure? You remember what happened when-”
“Yes, I remember, but this is important! If we don’t hurry, Thunderlane will be luckless forever and he’ll wind up like poor Downtrodden and Black Cat! Could you live with yourself knowing that your coffee was the only thing saving your good friend-” At this, Pinkie gave Fluttershy a nudge and a wink. “From that depressing fate? Huh? Could you? Could you could yo-”
“Okay, Pinkie. You can have some of my coffee. I just… Be careful, okay?”
“Of course!” Pinkie exclaimed as Fluttershy trotted into her kitchen to fetch the coffee grounds. “Careful is my middle name! Well, actually, Diane is my middle name, but I think Diane might mean Careful in some other language. Or it might mean Fertile, like soil. Father really liked obscure dirty names.”
“Well, I’m afraid that it needs to brew for a bit.” Fluttershy said, walking back to the door. “I-If you’d like to come in, Thu-”
“No time to wait for it to brew!” Pinkie crowed, dashing into the kitchen, where Thunderlane saw her shoveling the raw beans into her mouth and chewing.
“Oh, no Pinkie, don’t do that-”
“TOO LATE! GottagofasttoBigLungHallandgettheshoe! BYE!”
Thunderlane barely saw Pinkie move before she was already gone and merely a speck on the horizon.
“How… What?” Thunderlane murmured.
“Oh, Pinkie becomes a bit like Rainbow Dash when she drinks coffee. I just hope she gets back before-”
“Hi guys!”
“Bwah!” Thunderlane bwahed as Pinkie appeared beside him.
“You’ll never believe what I found out! I was at Big Lung Hall when Long Thrum, the head of the Hum family started monologuing to his dogs that he had hidden Thunderlane’s lucky horseshoe in a locked box in his basement, and how nopony could get it back, and how he would make Fluttershy his bride after Thunderlane delivered her to him so that his family could feed on her love for animals and how I should get off his property because breaking and entering is a crime!”
Fluttershy devolved into a pink, quivering mess on the floor at the mention of marriage, while Thunderlane was quivering in indignant rage.
“Oh, by the way Fluttershy, I gotta use the bathroom. Those Saddle Arabian coffees really got a kick to them, but they go right through me!” Pinkie giggle-snorted as she waltzed to what Thunderlane presumed was the bathroom.
“That… That utter troll! Using my lucky horseshoe to blackmail me into convincing you to marry him!” Thunderlane raged. At Fluttershy’s mortified squeal, Thunderlane settled down next to her and ran a comforting wing across her back. “Don’t worry, we won’t let him really marry you, but what can we do? My job and my life is at stake here!”
“NO!” Fluttershy wailed. “People will think I’m a- I’m a whorse if I go try to marry Thrum and back out! I can’t do it, I just can’t!”
“I know!” Pinkie screamed, right next to Thunderlane’s ear. He surged forward and sprawled across Fluttershy in his fright. “Don’t worry guys, I’ve got a totally brilliant plan! What if we get the Elements of Harmony together and use the Orbital Friendship Cannon on Thrum to get him to give up his dastardly ways!”
Thunderlane scrambled up, cheeks pink and legs tucked together as he coughed into one hoof. Fluttershy stayed curled into the fetal position on the floor, her whole body shaded pink and her wings shot out to the sides.
“Pinkie…” Thunderlane started. “Don’t you think the Elements are a bit… I don’t know… overkill?”
“Too late! I already sent out invitations this morning when my Pinkie Sense was telling me that the girls would be needed at Fluttershy’s to combat dastardly plans this afternoon!”
“Ah…”
“Is that why we’re here?”
Thunderlane turned around to see Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie walking up to Fluttershy’s door. Looking back, Pinkie was indeed not at Fluttershy’s side any longer.
“What is it this time, Pinkie dear?” Rarity huffed. “Does Fluttershy need help with another unruly animal? Is there some eldritch horror emerging here today? Come now, I have projects that need attending, and I’d like to resolve this as quickly as possible.”
“Well, nothing that bad…” Thunderlane chuckled. “I, uh, my lucky horseshoe was stolen this morning-”
“That was you shouting?” Applejack chuckled. “Shoot, we could hear ya panicking from way back on the farm, sugarcube.”
“Yes, well.. Yeah. Anyway, I got this note that said that I had to bring Fluttershy to Big Lung Hall to get my shoe back.”
“And I learned when I ran over there that Long Thrum wants to marry Fluttershy, and is using Thunderlane’s horseshoe to blackmail him into helping the marriage go off, and could also possibly be a Changeling!”
“What?” Rainbow screeched. “That creep! Why, I oughta go over there and beat the stuffing outta him, that- that-”
“Dastard. Dastard is the word you’re looking for here, Dashie.” Pinkie chimed.
“Yeah! That dastard!”
“There’s… I don’t think I’ve ever read about anything like this happening before… hold on, let me see if I can remember anything.” Twilight sat down and took out a quill and scrap of parchment to write her thoughts down on.
As Twilight was thinking, Rarity got a gleam in her eye. “Idea! I know how to fix this, right quick.”
“Oh, please tell us.” Fluttershy whimpered. “I just want this to be over with.”
“I propose that we send Thunderlane dressed up as Fluttershy-” Rarity began, ignoring the stallion in question’s flat what. “And let him get the horseshoe back himself. Then he can just fly away! I know the Hum family, they’re all Earth Ponies, though I've never heard of Big Lung Hall. They won’t be able to keep up, unless they really are Changelings, which would explain where this new hall came from, and why it's so tacky and blue.”
“I like this plan.” Rainbow cackled, drifting around the room.
“Well, I don’t.” Thunderlane grunted. “Dress me up like Fluttershy, all the stallions will be calling me a filly for the rest of my life. That’s the kind of thing that follows a pony, even if he moves away! I don’t need that kind of- It’s happening anyway, isn’t it.”
All of the girls save Twilight and Fluttershy merely grinned at Thunderlane.
“Well, look on the bright side, Laney! I’ll be right there with you! We can say that I’m Fluttershy’s maid!” Pinkie consoled, settling a leg across Thunderlane’s withers.
“Fluttershy has a maid?” Applejack raised an eyebrow.
“Well, no, but does Thrum know that? I mean, how else does she keep this animal shelter clean?”
And so over the course of the day, Thunderlane was dyed yellow and had the gel washed out of his mohawk which was then promptly dyed pink, along with his tail. Rarity made a few quick adjustments to one of Fluttershy’s dresses to make it fit Thunderlane and to hide his tail. She also used some translucent fabric to make a cheap wedding veil to hide Thunderlane’s eyes and masculine snout.
Pinkie Pie, on the other hand, had somehow bleached her fur white, and dyed her mane an electric yellow. Nopony was sure when or where she got the prosthetic wings, and when asked, she evaded the question. Of the ponies present, only Twilight refused to make idle conversation or ask questions, lost as she was in thought.
“I can’t fly like this.” Thunderlane griped. “The dress is too tight and the dye is messing with my flight feathers. How in the name of Celestia are we going to get to Big Lung Hall like this, when neither Pinkie nor I can fly?”
“Oh, well…” Fluttershy perked up. “Iron Will sent his goats on vacation here, and they came with the chariot that he usually keeps his equipment in. I can probably convince them to take you there.”
And so it was that Thunderlane, dressed as Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie, disguised as a mare named Surprise, rode to Big Lung Hall, home of Long Thrum and the Hum family, in a wild chariot pulled by two goats who wanted to get back to their vacation as soon as possible. They were met out front as the sun set by Long Thrum himself and shown inside.
“Ah, Fluttershy my sweet, it is so good to finally have you in my grasp. Where is that simpering foal Thunderlane, anyway? He was supposed to deliver you himself. Not this… whoever this is.” Thrum asked. He was an ice blue stallion with greasy black hair and a face only a mother could love.
“Grr. I- Er, ahem.” Thunderlane shifted into a falsetto to try to imitate Fluttershy’s voice. “I was, uh-” When he came up blank for an excuse, Thunderlane looked to Pinkie.
“Well, Fluttershy was just so happy that someone had finally proposed to her that she just had to rush over as quickly as possible. Thunderlane just couldn’t keep up!”
“Yes, that. This is my, um, maid. Surprise?”
“Indeed well, my. I must say, Fluttershy, you sound under the weather, are you all right? Your voice is all raspy.”
Thunderlane looked to Pinkie, who rolled her eyes. “Fluttershy here was just so excited that she began screaming and hollering. She must have broken her voice box.”
“Ah, yes. Quite understandable. Well, you’re in luck, my sweet, for you’ve arrived right as we were sitting down to supper and we're all... starving. Would you care to join us?”
“Oh yes that sounds… Lovely.” Thunderlane grit his teeth, his stomach reminding him that he had missed both breakfast and lunch.
“Splendid. And after supper I can show you to the gardens, where we are to be married among all the... adorable little critters that, uh, inhabit such things. I'm sure you'd simply love it there.”
At the table, every eye was on Thunderlane. And not simply because he was the most beautiful one at the table, though he certainly was that. Every pony in the family was an Earth Pony, and had some horrible disfigurement that always seemed to catch the eye, like chitinous sheen on fur, or little patches of mange along the legs.
“I-Is this… normal?” Thrum asked Pinkie Pie, leaning over to whisper in her ear.
Nor indeed, was every eye on Thunderlane for the wonderful conversation that he brought to the table, for he had spoken nary a word the entire night.
“Uh… Aheh. I guess so?” Pinkie replied.
No, every eye was trained on the mess that used to be Thunderlane’s plate. He had, on his own, eaten an entire wedding cake and nine pineapples, drowning the lot in three kegs of apple cider.
“Her appetite is… simply ravenous. I do hope that she is alright. I wouldn't want her to get sick, she wouldn't be able to feed- I mean see the lovely garden animals, then.”
“Oh, of course she is!” Pinkie giggled nervously. “She was just so nervouscited today that she forgot to eat all day! And then there was the flight over and she’s just famished.”
“Mm. Fair enough. Though, I could have sworn I saw you riding in on a chariot. Hunger must be playing with my eyes.” Thrum raised an eyebrow.
Thrum then appeared to psych himself up for a bold move, and slowly, so as to not startle Fluttershy, that is to say, Thunderlane, to move in for a kiss. Thunderlane was too busy picking a pineapple rind from his teeth when his veil was suddenly flipped up. Thrum immediately backed away, tumbling off of his seat.
“You’re not Fluttershy!”
“What? Pf, of course he- I mean she is!”
The entire room was in an uproar. “No!” Thrum shouted. “Fluttershy has deep teal eyes of pure kindness! Your eyes are as gold as the manticore’s fur!”
“Well, it’s just ‘cause she’s so enamored-”
“Also, Fluttershy is a filly, and this is clearly a stallion.”
“...Ponyfeathers.”
The whole room shook with panicking and outraged voices. “I’ll have you arrested! Trespassing is a crime! Somepony call the guards!”
Right on cue, a company of royal guards burst into the dining hall. “Well, that was fast.” Thrum had time to smirk before a large stallion tackled him to the floor and began to shackle him. In his surprise, Thrum was consumed in fire, revealing that he was, in fact, a changeling, though having a bluer colour scheme than Chrysalis's hive's standard.
“You are under arrest, Mister Long Thrum, if that is your name, for theft of private property, blackmail, arranged marriage and being a Changeling in an unlicensed disguise on Equestrian soil! You have the right to remain silent, should you, however refuse this right, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney, If you can not afford an attorney, One will be provided to you by the court. Do you understand what I have just said to you?” The stallion in golden armour recited as he placed the hoofcuffs on Thrum’s legs.
Similar speeches were given across the hall as various members of House Hum were arrested in compliance with Thrum. The cries of innocence and “You can’t do this” also echoed around the room, along with the telltale "fwoosh" of a Changeling unmasking.
“Well.” Pinkie grunted. “I did not see that coming. Certainly got us out of a sticky situation, right, Thu-”
Pinkie was interrupted as Thunderlane himself was tackled.
“You are under arrest, Sir, for impersonation of a national hero and trespassing on private property as witnessed by one Long Thrum. You have the right to remain silent…”
“Oh. Huh.” Pinkie pursed her lips before pulling a disappearing act, right before another guard tackled through the space she had just occupied.
“Miss, come back and submit to arrest or stand and be held in the impediment of justice!” The golden mare roared into thin air, receiving no reply.
Later, in the Ponyville jailhouse, Thunderlane entertained a visitor to his cell.
“Well, it was really quite simple.” Twilight Sparkle said, looking through the bars at Thunderlane. “There weren’t any past cases for all of this together, but plenty of examples of the different aspects of the crime. So I simply called the police and gave them the note that you left at Fluttershy’s. It was plenty enough for them to get a warrant for arrest, and the suspicion of unlicensed disguises really riled up the guard ponies. Chrysalis's invasion was still fresh in their minds, I suppose.”
“But what about me?” Thunderlane whined.
“Well, after hearing your testimony, the charge of trespassing will be lifted, as you technically were invited to the property, but the impersonation of a national hero is going to stick. You’ll probably get a few days in here and some community service.”
Thunderlane groaned, leaning his head against the bars of his cell door. “I can’t believe this. I can’t go to jail! People change there! I’m gonna get out a changed stallion and then everypony's gonna hate me.”
Twilight tsked. “Now, now, it’s not so bad. Besides, everypony thinks that you were very brave. And who knows, maybe some strings will get pulled and your community service will be to help a certain national hero that you impersonated around her business, or extra hours on the weather team.”
“Would you really do that for me?” Thunderlane asked, hopes soaring as he looked back to Twilight.
“Of course. Any friend of Fluttershy’s is a friend of mine.” Twilight giggled.
After a beat of silence, Thunderlane piped up. “So, when are they going to let me wash this dye out?”
“Um, well, bad news, there.” Twilight coughed. “I looked at the dye that Rarity used. You’ll just have to grow it out, because it’s permanent dye.”
Thunderlane spent the rest of the night beating his forehead against the cell wall.
