4 - Sowing the Seeds

"Really," A young Star Apple said to his older sister, Brilliant Lavender, whose mane was unusually unkept today, as they stood in their barn, away from prying eyes. "T'ain't THAT hard to follow."

"Of course it isn't." She said happily, sounding like she was holding back fury or confusion or an absolute freakout for some odd reason. "You're just a foal, you haven't even gotten your Cutie Mark yet, but you've gone ahead and gained unlimited magical power."

"Stop saying that!" He protested, stamping his right forehoof to the ground and making a tiny clop sound. "It ain't unlimited, it's infinite. There's a /difference!/ I'm still me, I can't go around playing tennis with the sun and moon just yet. This is just something that'll make me run out of magical energy a lot slower."

"Oh, of course, silly me." She laughed. "Now, can you go over it one more time?"

"Ugh, FINE. Okay, so, you know how using magic tires out a Unicorn's magical energy? And it's different from their physical energy, but there is a little overlay and eating a bucketload of calories does really help boost your magic power while the food digests? After all, energy is energy. Which is why a lot of spellcasters in other places are a little fat but still fit enough to duel and dodge spells, they're actually just saving calories to burn in a magic duel to get a tiny edge. Or they're just fat. That's also why Unicorn metabolism is better than that of a Pegasus, though it can't match that of an Earth Pony. And not all spellcasters are fat, the ones that're really powerful or clever or both don't bother getting fat. You're still with me, right?"

"Eeeyup." Brilliant Lavender nodded. Star Apple wondered once again why she got such a cool and awesome name, while he was stuck with a lame apple name. Did his parents play Rock-Paper-Scissors for it, using paper or signs to compensate for how they don't have talons, and the non-Apple Pony winner happily declared that her first child would get an awesome name and her second would get an Apple name? Still, he supposed it fit her... Since she was so awesome and strong and cool and fit and loved and her parent's favourite and if she pulled an Itachi on him he was SO not going to turn out like Sasuke. He'd read Naruto and a bunch of other comics and manga at the local library, and he liked Sasuke at first, since he was smart, but after he turned evil, he just became unlikeable. His favourite was either Shikamaru, Rock Lee, Gaara or maaaybe Sasuke since he was clever. But before he went nuts and left Konoha, which had happened recently.

Silver realized his mind was getting off-track, and continued his explanation. "Well, have you heard of Summoning Magic?"

"Eeeyup." She nodded.

"Well, there are three styles of it. The Hard Style, where you cast a spell, summon what you want to summon, and it'll last for a few minutes or hours or days depending on what spell you used. That style sucks, it's only really good for when you want to take a break or use something for a certain number of minutes or hours. Then there's the Variable Style, where you summon what you want to summon and your magic keeps it on this plane. It's usually a slow and minor drain, unless it's something huge. And finally, there's Contract Style, where you pick an element like fire or bronze, or a field of influence like Coldness or Sharpness, or a concept like pushing, or family of spirits like the Bird family or Cat family, and specialize yourself in summoning them. It gets easier to summon... rabbit monsters or stuff with wings or poisonous animals, depending on what you made a contract with, but summoning anything else gets a lot harder as they'll see you as a being aligned with that House and not theirs, and summoning stuff from Houses they're opposed to will become insanely difficult, and they won't follow your orders even if you do amp up the summoning with symbols and offerings - I'm talking about gems 'n' cloth and stuff, don't look at me like that - so you can actually summon them. And finally, there's the Permanent Style, where you summon something and it stays in this world until banished or squished. ...Oh, and this bit doesn't have a name even though it's mentioned in all the summoning guides, but befriending a particular field or group without signing their contract does make it easier to summon their stuff without making all other stuff harder - except for their enemies, those get harder to summon and harder to command - and to befriend them... you could do something like... completing quests for them or giving them stuff they like and ask for, like food or cloth or shiny objects. Still with me?"

"Eeeyup." She nodded.

He remembered how he usually lost other ponies a few paragraphs into his explanations, something that annoyed him a lot and was beginning to make him consider giving up on explanations and saying 'Because I'm awesome' or something whenever someone asked how he could do something... and he turned his head to the side and focused his eye on her, trying to look incredibly suspicious and cool. "For realsies?" He asked while trying to squint suspiciously, and he just ended up looking so adorable she was tempted to grab him and cuddle him like a cute kitty right there.

"Eeeyup." She said, nodding her head and restraining herself with a great deal of effort.

"Well, you know how summoned creatures, with the exception of things summoned by the Permanent Style, aren't really here, they're just mentally existing through an avatar created by their power, which is why you could summon a three-headed cat and drop a tree on it, it gets squished and its body pops and vanishes back into the powdery glowy stuff that is raw magic, then you summon it again and it's fine, but a little mad? And also how that three-headed cat could be summoned at the same time by multiple ponies without getting confused or, I dunno, one pony summoning the cat while the rest get a little note saying 'I'm busy right now with a different summoner, try again later'?"

"Eeeyup." She said, a little worried. He didn't really summon a Summoned Being just to test that theory out, did he? Those things were old, and powerful, and scary... there was a reason why most ponies stayed away from that field when they weren't specializing in it or naturally specializing in it due to their Cutie Marks.

"Well, they have their own energies and bodies and stuff, but they aren't as real as our ones because they're from the spirit world, not the real one. Or the 'Physical Plane', as they call it. Anyway, what you do is... use the level zero Summoning Magic spell that creates a Spirit Link with whatever summonable animal or other being you want, which makes it easier to summon something but it takes between ten and five minutes of meditation to do and it's normally only really recommended for ponies who have and love one particular Summon, and then you use the level one Raw Magic spell that drains magic from the target. Not the legendary incredibly powerful one used by the vile and stupid Tirek himself-"

"Who?" She asked.

"Big red evil weird-looking monster, he was evil and drained ALL THE MAGIC from ponies." He said. "Nopony can use the immensely powerful draining spell he used, which could drain everything, including the Cutie Mark and possibly also the ability to fly and do natural magic stuff. So anyway, just use the level one Drain Magic spell and direct it through the Spirit Link, draining magic from the Spirit or Monster or whatever you've linked up with. And do it slowly, so they won't mind, and be really convincing if they do mind anyway. And since you aren't Summoning it or doing a proper Channeling or Oversoul, you're just letting whatever you Linked up with stay in the Spirit World and replenish its energy as you drain the energy from it. Like there's a cider barrel slowly pouring cider into mugs, but that cider barrel is being refilled by a way bigger cider barrel connected to a cider distillery. Understand?"

"Ah understand. What I don't understand is how you managed to come up with somethin' so darn clever at yer age." She admitted.

"It's not that clever." He admitted. "It's just basic logic. Refilling your mug using the unlimited source of power- 'Cider' right there. Plus, you can use permanent spells better using this trick, making the spells properly permanent without having to bind it to your horn and set aside a portion of your energy to power that permanent spell. Besides, Morgana LeBray was younger than me when she came up with her first super ultra cool revolutionary thingy."

"Who?" She asked.

"Now you're just messin' with me, Sis!" Star laughed. "'Who's Morgana LeBray?'. What's next, are you going to ask who Princess Celestia or Starswirl the Bearded is?"

"Bro... You realise you can't tell anypony about this, right?" She asked, concerned, deciding that the issue of her not knowing about Morgana LeBray - whoever that was - could wait. Forever. "Use the trick, but don't let anypony else find out about it. Patent it as soon as you can, make it yours, but don't let anypony else know until you're ready to stop being Star Apple of the Apple Family and start being some fancy-shmancy ultra-famous mega-mage."

"Maybe Ah wanna be a fancy-shmancy ultra-famous mega-mage. Maybe Ah don't wanna be just another farm pony!" Silver insisted. "Maybe I wanna be somepony!"

"You ARE somepony, Star!" She replied. "You're my little bro, and ah love you. You're family, Apple Family, through and through. I won't stop you or nuthin', and maybe y'will be some super amazin' mega-mage one day. Just... wait a little while, see what you really wanna do with your life first."

"Fine." He groaned adorably. "But some day, I'm totally going to be on top."

"What, like Princess Celestia?" She asked, suddenly nervous. This was literally the number one major red flag when it came to a pony's psyche, and she had to test it now or she'd never forgive herself.

"No, I'm not replacing her, she's cool. And pretty. And awesome." He said, grinning as he secretly imagined her. Nothing was happening, she was just standing there, horn glowing, reading a book as he stood off to the side, invisible, and he stared at her body, as beautiful and massive as the sun she commanded. Actually, not as massive, but way prettier, since the sun was just a big fire thing and that wasn't really that cool. And then he stared at her butt, and laughed quietly because it was her butt and she wasn't wearing clothes. Which was weird, since fancy Canterlot ponies usually wore clothes, according to what he heard and saw in the newspapers.

"Star?" His sister asked him, and he woke up.

"No I wasn't." Star said reflexively, and only then did he realize she hadn't asked anything. "Anyhoof, uh... the Princess. I like her. But I meant, I'd get to the highest point I could get to while still being me. And then I'd become a badass Alicorn Prince, the first ever, maybe I'd be pals with Princess Celestia and hang out with her in her epic castle, and then I'd come back here and help y'all on the farm with my phenomenal cosmic super special awesome Alicorn powers. Because really, what's the point in having incredible power if you're not gonna use it for something good, cool, and fun?"

"Oh no, you keep your freaky magic away from our farm. 'Sides, you wanna get phenomenal cosmic powers and do THAT with them? What about cool adventures?"

"Oh, I'll do tons of those, of course" Star said happily. "If you want, maybe I'll even let you come with! In the stories, there's usually at least one tough and cool Earth Pony on the team. Maybe if you get strong enough, you can use your natural Earth Pony magic to fire raw magic lasers!"

"Thanks, Little Bro, but my place is here, on the farm." She said, looking around and smiling at the wooden barn around them. "Also, it don't work that way. We farm, Pegasi flap about a little, and Unicorns cast spells."

"Okay, then I'll get you a laser-firing Magical Item. Or give you a necklace or something with with a Laser spell charged inside it." Star said, wondering what that'd look like. He then exasperatedly added, "Also, it's like y've never heard of the Avatar spell."

"The what?" She wondered as his horn started to glow with a bright blue light.

A second Star Apple flickered into existence behind her- not directly behind her, of course, you didn't sneak up on an applebucker from the back, it was more off to the right, where she could see them both at the same time. "Howdy." The new Star Apple said casually.

"What the- What- Stop it!" She stammered, walking back in fear.

"Woah... I'm seeing both sides of you at the same time!" The two Star Apples said, amazed. They then raised their right forehoof and stared at it, the right one moving it closer and further away from his face while the left one moved it side to side. Sure, he'd used this spell before, he had to try four times before he got it to work and then had to use it seven times and slowly get used to being in two places at once and seeing out of multiple eyes before he could really use it properly and read two books at once like he wanted. "Cooooooooool." They both said, the feeling delightfully disorienting and new.

"Stop it! Be one pony again!" She demanded.

The Avatar of Star Apple disappeared, winking out of existence and leaving a blue star shape before fading, and the real Star Apple sighed. "Sis, you have got to get over your Magiphobia."

"I ain't no dang dirty Magiphobe!" Lavender insisted, stamping a hoof to the ground loudly. "Just... tain't natural that mah little brother can do stuff that fancy. Ain't it supposed to be wise old wizards that've trained and read books for hundreds of years only that can do that sort of thing?"

"Actually, there are like twenty-something different fields of magic, more if you count the sub-sections, and they've all got tons of useful stuff in them. Y'ain't gotta be the number one super mage that can do ALL the magic just to be able to get something nice outta bein' magic. Most of the top-level stuff is too draining or destructive or useless or weirdly specific to be useful anyway, like how fire magic has low-level stuff like putting out fires, launching a fireball made from magic fire that'll explode in the air like a magical firework, making differently-coloured flames that burn fire, warming the body, putting a charm on something that'll keep it warm and prevent hypothermia for hours as long as you recast it before it runs out, cauterizing stuff... and then at the higher levels, there's nothing but big fireballs and bigger fireballs and fireballs shaped like a dragon's head and fireballs that would, for a brief moment, light up the night sky before descending with enough force to obliterate armies. Battle Magic is okay, but I'd rather focus on the useful stuff and a bunch of easy-to-cast offensive spells since I'm not likely to have to use the town-destroying stuff, ever. And as cool as overdoing things usually is, really really big fireballs aren't THAT cool. I'd rather have awesome stuff I can use anywhere, not just in fights. Besides... I'm awesome." He said, smiling.

She stared at him for a long moment, thinking on everything he said.

And then she rushed forwards and hugged him, but much more gently than the hugs she usually gave him. This one was less like a brutal, crushing grip, and more like she was gently cradling him in her arms.

"Huh?" He asked, confused.

"Yes... you are." She said softly, hugging just a little tighter.

000

0:23 AM

After buying the deed to some land in Ponyville from a napping Mayor Mare he'd woken up with the ever-useful sound of screeching metal, and walking towards said land to build his own house, Silver began to summon and create metal, horn aglow as he spun it around himself.

"Build a home, build a home

1, 2, 3, 4

All alone, I'll build a home

1, 2, 3, 4."

He crafted the metal into a wide and high tower crafted from one continuous piece of pure steel, a shorter replica of his Silver Spire in Canterlot. But the exterior wasn't that interesting, the interior was far better.

"Build it wide, build it high, one-up those who can not fly,

Build it all quick, with a great design,

This house is quite clearly mine."

His spells crafted a magnificently large penthouse floor, several private rooms, workshop rooms for assorted fields and several floors of R+D, several floors of a currently-empty armoury, an even larger library with many absurdly high shelves, a gym, myltiple collection rooms, a meditation room, a training room with illusion spells, a magic practice room, a master bedroom in the penthouse floor he'd craft tomorrow, multiple kitchens of differing levels and specializations, and more. Yes, the building was bigger on the inside, like every good building built by Unicorns.

"Work alone, then they'll see

Maximum efficiency,

Nothing to get in my way,

Make a nice home, come what may."

"This house is exactly right,

I'll build this before the night.

Sing a quick song to pass the time,

This new house is clearly mine."

His horn aglow, his spells began giving it splashes of colour in the form of blue and orange highlights, and an image of his Cutie Mark at the top.

"Gather funds like it's a race,

Make the world an even brighter place.

More money for everyone,

Some day, I'll have a place in the sun."

Silver summoned forth a bright blue electric guitar with orange flames, plugged into what looked like a small sun behind him, shredding it with his bare hooves in a heavy metal solo that lasted almost fourty seconds. When it was over, he flung his guitar into the air, where it spun and shattered into ten parts when the head was pointing down, becoming a colossal explosion that resembled his Cutie Mark.

"I built a house, I built a house

Yes, I did." He sang as he entered the grey yet masterfully-crafted room, riding a functioning elevator to the penthouse floor.

"All alone, I built this house

Yes, I did." He sang as the elevator opened and he entered his penthouse, the plexiglass windows still forming.

"I built this great home all alone,

It's a money-making zone,

Nothing will stand in my way,

I'm moving up in the world today."

And then his horn flashed as he summoned a king-sized bed with blue pillows and a darker blue duvet, and he got into it. He didn't need to sleep, but it was nice, and he felt like sleeping now and making the epic master bedroom later.

And so, he slept, and dreamed of fighting a hive of changelings to save an adorable pink Alicorn princess.

000

Silver Star awoke slowly from his bed, wondering why he still felt tired. Maybe he should go back to bed... He could create a localized time-field and have a nap, and the rest of the world would have no idea... then again, why bother with the time field? It wasn't like he had anything to do or anywhere to be... No epic quests... He'd left his Ultimate Newspaper back in Canterlot, so he couldn't get more info on what he could be doing...

He slowly got out of bed, revealing to his bedroom that he was wearing blue soft silk pyjamas that covered his body, blue socks with dark-blue stripes over his hooves. He reminded himself that he was in this town because he wanted to stop feeling the way he was feeling, and his horn glowed as he picked up his suit from where he had dropped it near his bed.

"Requip." He mumbled as his horn glowed a little brighter, and his pyjamas and socks swapped placed with his suit. It wasn't the requip spell his favourite character in one of his favourite mangas used, it just happened to share the same name. The spell that happened to share the same effect but was way stronger and gave him far more storage space, on the other hand, had a different name. Once again, his body was coated in that sleek and badass black suit, his tail swishing to the left, and then the right as it once again got used to him wearing clothes. Naturally, like most pony clothes, it had a hole for the tail, not that it could be seen when he wore it. Or when he wasn't wearing it, unless you picked it up and slowly looked for it.

As an afterthought, he summoned some steel shoes for himself coated in black iron, their fronts decorated with an aerodynamic pattern of pleated steel spikes, a blue gem that matched the colour of his eyes displayed front and center. He then summoned a full-body mirror, looked at himself in it, turned around, and then altered the design of his shoes a little, so the gems at the front of the shoes were surrounded by the metal spikes that slicked themselves back while diminishing in size, like the rays from a sun. And then he dulled the points, not enough to visibly alter the look of the spikes, but enough so there wasn't any danger of them accidentally hurting anything they poked.

Liking his look, he cast a cleaning spell on himself, rendering his clothing cleaner than it would be after ten good washes and rendering his body as clean as it would have been after a good spa treatment. He'd only ever been to the spa a few times, but he liked it. ...What? It was nice. And furiously and vehemently refusing to go to a proper and non-lame spa just because spas were seen as girly by some was for insecure fools, ones who thought that all they had to offer were scented candles and bad cloppy plots, as opposed to that and things that were actually good for one's skin, coat, muscles, and mental health.

He trotted towards his staircase and sprinted down it, wanting to get to the bottom floor at record speed, since he'd admit to himself - and nopony else - that his physical stamina was probably his weakest point. It was acceptable, maybe a little better than acceptable, and it didn't really matter since his immortality let him regenerate his energy back when he got too tired, but compared to his other abilities, it was a glaring weakness. Possibly because he never really had to do physical stuff that much, and besides hitting his gym back in Canterlot's Silver Spire for a few hours every day and the alarmingly heavy training weights and resistance runes around his legs and back hidden beneath his suit, his body didn't get much exercise. Why the weights? He couldn't exactly trot around hundreds of acres of farmland every day while wearing a weighted yoke like some Apple Ponies, so he went for what seemed to be the next-best thing at the time, only for it to turn out to be better.

He reached the bottom, and only once he saw the big empty gap where Aquilla's Desk would have been did he realize that he'd forgotten to bring Aquilla with him. If he remembered rightly - and he did since she'd been with him for a few years now - she slept at the desk at night, getting her magically-shrunk and encapsulated Nest out of a cupboard hidden in the desk and saying the command word, Roosting Peak, which brought the nest back to its full size. She then slept in the nest, claiming she found it more comfortable and natural than regular beds even though he had offered to get her one upon learning that she slept in nests made from twigs. He'd then offered to make a nest for her out of twigs and shiny objects and whatever else she liked, letting her draw the design, and she agreed happily.

It may seem weird to forget that you'd left someone behind, but if one day, you woke up and found that your shadow was missing, how long would it take you to notice? What kind of pony even regularly checks their own shadow to see if it's still there?

Silver focused his mind, raising a hoof and holding it in front of him between his eyes in a focusing exercise, remembered and focused on the location of his Silver Spire in Canterlot, and teleported into the main room of the Canterlot Silver Spire in a flash of blue light, finding the highlights of orange and blue in the grey building to be a far more pleasant sight than all-grey all the time. Okay, sure, there were the potted plants he'd left around the place, but those weren't enough to fill the whole thing. He also saw his secretary at her desk, and she was reading a rather thick book until she heard he sound of his teleportation and looked up in surprise and relief before quickly reverting back to her neutral expression.

His secretary was a Griffon, part Panther and part Falcon, though she occasionally asked him to temporarily change her genetic code so she could try being a different kind of Griffon. Her strong and lithe feathered body had dark purple catlike parts, a darker purple than Twilight's coat, with blue highlights and white and blue feathers, even though he was pretty sure Falcons weren't blue. Must have been a Griffon thing. Her neck had a necklace upon it, titansteel coated by black iron with a spherical purple gem embedded on the necklace's front, covering the throat, and her golden talons were encased in golden enchanted sharp-clawed alloy-metal gauntlets with purple highlights between the segmented claws, though she possessed the grace and precision necessary to pick up a tomato and even a peach or bubble without cutting or piercing it with her talons.

"Good morning, Aquilla." Silver greeted.

Aquilla smiled. "So, how did it go?"

"What?" He asked.

"The adventure." Aquilla said, her smile disappearing. "You only leave me behind when you go through time in disguise."

"I didn't go back in time, I went somewhere else." He said. "I established a new home for myself in Ponyville, and I think I might actually move there.

"Please tell me you didn't actually make an exact copy of the Silver Spire." Aquilla muttered, her face meeting her clawed hand.

"What's wrong with the Silver Spire?" Silver asked.

She lowered her claws and stared at him flatly. "Pha-" She began to chant.

"I get it, I get it." Silver said, cutting her off due to sensing the connection in her mind. "Anyway, you're coming with me."

"Sweet." She said, not minding. She was his secretary, after all, and he'd already earned her eternal loyalty. "Where are we going?"

"Ponyville." Silver said.

She seemed to become uncertain. "You mean Crazytown? I've heard of that place, it's got an evil forest of doom nearby and a hellgate in town somewhere, and a hideous eldritch horror with unnatural powers in the shape of a pony calls that place home. Sounds cool."

"Those are almost as stupid as the rumours I heard about Canterlot before I came here." Silver said, and his horn began to glow. Aquilla quickly breathed out for some reason, not that there was any need to, and they reappeared in the ground floor lobby of what looked like an exactly-identical copy of the Silver Spire, minus the potted plants and coloured highlights that made the greyness and blackness bearable.

Aquilla burst into loud, screeching laughter. "You actually... You actually built another one?!"

"Eeeyup." He admitted, since nopony else was around.

"Send me back, let me get all your stuff, and summon me in twelve seconds." Aquilla said. He did so, and from the moment he sent her, something rose unbidden in his sight, a timer that counted down twelve seconds to eight decimal places with absolute accuracy. 'Thank you, Connection-Sight, that really, really helped.' Silver thought sarcastically, a flat look on his face. 'Some day, I'll rename you Silver Sight. Or Star Sight.'

Still, he knew she could do it. After all, the cool and sharp golden gauntlets and purple-gem necklace he'd had made for her had so many enchantments upon them, he sometimes wondered if he'd forget to put some down if he ever made a list of everything he'd done to those things. Speed-boosting, local-area time-stopping, invisibility spells and storm magic were all included, he knew that was certain. As for the rest, well, he tended to add things shortly after thinking of them, and he sometimes wondered if he'd added in extra-powerful enchantments rigged to only activate in case of an emergency in secret and then erased his memory of it, so he wouldn't know he had several secret hidden aces up his sleeve that even he didn't know about. That was clever, that seemed like something he'd do. And since that necklace and those gauntlets were literally covered in enchantments, it was impossible to pick out individual effects from using a Magic-Scanning spell. Even if the most precise instrument or spell from any planet, universe or plane asked, 'What enchantments are on this thing?', the answer would be but a single word: 'Yes'.

Twelve seconds had passed, and he cast the spell that summoned her, the blue-feathered Falcon-Jaguar Griffon appearing in his room with her front taloned limbs coated in aerodynamic gold-looking metal armour with no cool spikes, the claws wickedly sharp instead to compensate, the talon-sections able to split apart and bend back like those thick gloves with holes that allowed the wearer's digits to move unencumbered he'd seen some civilized Diamond Dogs wearing on occasion, the armour more than thick enough to block a blade or spell or ten while the sharp talons of her other hand sliced right through the blades. She could already cut metal with an unarmoured taloned swing anyway, but armour was cooler, and it did give her a place to store enchantments besides the necklaces whose design brought to mind charm bracelets made from steel hidden from view by her feathers.

And then the stuff she'd brought with her came into view, a glowing golden ball of raw matter that she tossed into the air with a single taloned limb, causing it to shatter outwards like a firework, the golden drops of raw matter reshaping themselves back into the items they were less than a minute ago, an orange carpet lined with a thin blue outline leading from the door to the elevator, a sofa appearing in the corner of the room, her books and hidden nest placing themselves at her desk while more stuff seeped through the ceiling to appear on the upper floors.

His horn glowed, and then his eyes started to glow with the same blue light as he cast Detect Magic, smiling when he noticed she even managed to bring up an exact replica of the completely unbeatable security system. Warding enchantments, a truly great idea. His horn and eyes stopped glowing, and she puffed out her chest proudly.

"Good work." Silver said with a pleasant smile, and she made a faint squee sound. He suspected it was because Griffons were usually used to other Griffons being all 'Meh, I guess that's sorta okay. You could have done it faster, though'. He never understood why a simple compliment was so rare from a Griffon, but he supposed that was due to the culture gap. Note to self: Some day, help Aquilla find the lost treasure of Griffonstone and become the new Griffon Empress of Griffonstone and the more nothern lands. Also, the crazy Mooses (Meese?) up north, conquer them and put them to work in the sugar mines before they do something dumb. Or upgrade their culture and species to be less dumb.

"So, what am I doing today, Master?" Aquilla asked. "Should I follow you around, or just stay here and read? Either is fine."

"You don't get lonely?" He asked.

"Of course not, I'm a Griffon." She shrugged. "By the way, we got a new shipment of those magazines we're subscribed to. Shonen Leap, those Daring Do fanzines, the temple challenge magazines, and the stuff only I like. Mind if I read your stuff first?"

"Sure, but no spoilers." He said, leaving.

She squeed again, and went straight for the magazines she'd mentioned, hidden behind her desk, getting out the Daring Do magazines and reading Daring Dungeons, her favourite of the fanzines. It went into detail on Daring Do's adventures, and the temples she explored, and it even had a column where readers could submit their own insanely hard Ancient Temple ideas and puzzles and then use that go-into-the-comic thing to either attempt that puzzle/dungeon yourself or watch a professional beating that puzzle like it was nothing. Daring Do may have been at the forefront, but there were pages for other explorers and adventurers, and it was more of a dungeoneering magazine than a specific Daring Do fanzine. Aquilla thought Daring Do was the coolest Pegasus ever, and she'd love to meet her some day.

Silver Star, on the other hand, left his Silver Spire and went into Ponyville, deciding that now would be a very good time to go around town and gather information on the Mane Six.

000

Fluttershy was near her chicken coop, feeding the chickens, when she heard an odd noise coming from her house, a series of noises. She paused in her chicken-feeding, one ear bent back a little as she quickly realized that this was music, piano music, and it was coming from her house.

"I'm really, really sorry," Fluttershy said with a nervous smile, bowing her head down and walking backwards. "But I really need to go and see what that is."

She quickly turned and rushed towards her house, and though the piano music was sad and a bit hollow and lonely, there was a certain stark beauty to it, a melody whose presence and power and meaning would be lost in a large orchestra's ensemble. The music calmed her, even as she made it to her front door and opened it, finding a very large and sleek black grand piano in the middle of the room with its top raised, the kind of piano that not only has all the keys, but goes one octave higher and one octave lower than it needs to, just because it can. Though she'd initially expected it to be Pinkie before realizing that Pinkie would never play a song like this, she saw that this piano was being played by Silver Star, the pony she met yesterday. She glanced around, finding that everything in her house was untouched, and Angel Bunny sat on her couch, transfixed and enthralled by the melody and its ethereal beauty as he stared at the piano. She realized that he'd just teleported in with his huge piano and started playing... for no apparent reason. Still, the music was so lovely... she couldn't bring herself to even think of a complaint.

After two minutes, the melody had come to an end, ending on a sad and hollow note, as if even the song itself desperately wanted to carry on, never wanting to stop. Fluttershy blinked her eyes, noticing that tears had formed in her eyes, and she quickly dried her eyes with the back of her hoof as Angel Bunny boredly hopped off.

"That was lovely." Fluttershy said, the music's spell still adde. "But... um... why are you in my house?"

"I knocked the door, but you weren't there, so I thought I'd wait around inside, thinking there'd be some Detection Wards in place that would instantly alert you to the fact that I'm there. But you didn't have any. So I got bored and decided to practice my playing, and thankfully, you heard my song. I wrote that one myself when I was young, it's called 'Nocturne of the Lonely Moon'. I don't think sadness is deep or anything, certainly not... but it is a nice song."

"Oh." Fluttershy said. Something in the back of her mind suggested that this was a little odd, but if that was what this pony was like, then... "Um... Next time, could you just knock? I'm usually either with my animals or my pony friends."

'Pony friends?' Silver wondered. "Okay." He said. "Also, thanks for not getting super angry about me entering your house to bring you here. Last time I did that to a mare, she shot a Magic Spearbolt at me."

"Oh my goodness!" Fluttershy gasped, surprised.

That surprised Silver. "...Huh. Usually, when ponies hear that story, they laugh."

"How could anypony laugh at something like that?" Fluttershy asked.

"I ask myself the same question a lot. I mean, if it was in a funny slapstick kind of way, or she threw whoopee cushions or rubber chickens at me, then sure, that'd be funny. But no, spellbolts that could pierce through a few inches of steel aren't funny. I'm glad I had the Shield of Causality in my pocket dimension at the time. Anyway... Speaking of those pony friends, I was hoping you could tell me more about them. And I'd like you to 'Answer All My Questions And Answer Them Truthfully', but that goes without saying, really. For starters, which one's your favourite?" Silver asked, a bit of The Voice slipping into that request.

"Oh, I could never choose a favourite." Fluttershy said, shaking her head as if they were watching.

"You know the others can't hear you from here, right?" Silver asked, wondering why she was acting like this. WERE the others watching? "Wait, ARE the others watching? Does Twilight or Mayor Mare plant Sight Runes everywhere and have a whole building dedicated to keeping a close eye on everypony, even when they're in the bathroom?"

"Not at all, why?" Fluttershy asked.

"I once read this book where that happened, and I was worried that it actually happened in some places. I mean, sure, planting Sight Runes anywhere except on your own property and planting them with the intent to spy on other ponies is against the law, but it's something that has happened in the Tribal days. Anyhoof... which of your friends do you like most?"

"I like all my friends." Fluttershy said happily.

"You don't prefer some to others?" He wondered innocently.

"No." She said happily. He was partly hoping she'd say something like 'Oh, I like all my friends, even Rarity' or something, something that would tell him more about her.

'This mare is unusually hard to read.' He thought. 'Maybe a different line of questioning will reveal something..."

"Which of your friends have you known for the longest?" He asked.

"Rainbow Dash." Fluttershy said. "I've known her since Flight School, and we're both from Cloudsdale."

"Is the awful rumour about that place true?" Silver asked.

"Of course not!" Fluttershy insisted. "If it was, then neither myself OR Rainbow Dash would still be here!"

Silver appeared very surprised. "I'm approximately... eighty percent sure we're thinking of different rumours here." He said, transitioning from surprised to a little amused.

"Oh." She said, surprised. "I'm sorry."

"Meh, it's ok. Anyway the rumour I was thinking about was... the one involving rainclouds. You know the one, right?"

Fluttershy closed her eyes and giggled quietly. Wow, she was really cute. Pinkie Pie was still way, way cuter, though.

With an uncertain smile, Silver asked, "Is that a yes or a no?"

"No." She giggled. "Do some ponies actually believe that in some places?"

"Eeeyes." He chuckled. "Or they find it funny to pretend that they do, and their secret Raincloud Council meetings actually consist of everypony entering the soundproof and unscryable town hall and laughing their flanks off at how everypony else thinks they're crazy. I like to think that, it makes it feel more like a funny joke and less like a sad joke. Anyhoof, what do you like doing?"

"I like taking care of all my animal friends, and going to the spa with Rarity, and having fun with my friends."

"Who doesn't like having fun?" He asked in a friendly manner. "Anyhoof, what books do you like?"

"Anything with animals," She said instantly, and then began thinking about it. "And... a nice, happy romance story, or something nonfictional about plants, or sewing."

"Have you read..." Silver began, his Connection Sight activating, analysing everything he'd observed and giving him information in the form of a dark orange rectangular box with white writing upon it.

Sweet, friends with Librarian, looks after animals, little social life, loves animals, feels need to specify when referring to pony friends and not animal friends. Eighty percent chance she has read those books and hated them. Asking about T, WS, TCB, or anything similar is a bad move.

He read it quickly, and then changed sentences mid-sentence so well that only the most perceptive of ponies would notice anything. "Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann?"

"Um..." Fluttershy said, wondering what that was. "No, I haven't, sorry."

"Why do you keep saying sorry?" Silver asked, curious. "It's not your fault whatever libraries and bookstores you've ever been to have lacked stories that good."

"Sorry." Fluttershy said, and Silver facehoofed.

"Anyhoof, this town has a spa?" Silver asked, horn glowing blue as he summoned a clear bottle typically used in bottling cider, and it was clearly filled with cider despite lacking a label, and two mugs. He poured a glass for both of them, glad there was no 'Pouring a glass for another is something you shouldn't do' belief like there was in some other countries.

"Oh, yes, and it's really nice. Aloe and Lotus are really skilled, and it's worth every bit." Fluttershy said.

"It's expensive?" Silver asked, a little surprised.

"It might be a little pricey, which is why we only go once a week, but that's okay."

"Hmm..." Silver hummed, thinking. "Okay, I'll look into it. Now..."

He leaned forwards with a pleasant smile, and began to use The Voice in earnest. "Could you please 'Tell me everything you know about Twilight Sparkle'?"

000

Fluttershy and Silver were laughing. That was what she noticed first. "The whole forest!" He laughed, a mostly-empty mug in his hoof. Glancing down, she saw an almost-empty mug in her own hoof, and the bottle was empty. "And to this day, I still don't know how she managed to pull that off! I mean, I know HOW, I just don't know how she got away with it!"

He sighed happily, and she stopped laughing. "Anyhoof, I'd better get going... y'know, this was nice. Talking, but for fun, instead of talking because I have to. I don't talk for fun often. It's... nice. But I'd better get going." He said, smiling and leaving quickly. "Thanks for letting me in!"

Fluttershy smiled. That was nice, even if parts of it were kinda blurry. How strong was that whiskey? She just realized that she'd forgotten to ask. She looked at her clock, and realized that she'd actually been talking like this for... a few hours?! She gasped, and quickly rushed back to her chickens while ignoring how her hooves felt like they were swimming through the air, hoping they hadn't eaten too much feed when she was busy here. Her head felt a little cloudy, but she wasn't falling down or anything. She'd be okay to look after the animals. Probably. She'd stop if things started to go wrong.

Silver, meanwhile, left Fluttershy's cottage, and time travelled back to a few hours ago. He heard the piano music Past Him played, quickly leaving and heading back to Ponyville, fully immune to the magic music's effects due to how he was the one playing it. Oh, how he loved thi- Oh, how he thought this routine was a pretty good routine, though not really something somepony could love... First, magical music to set the mood in more ways than one. Then, the basic info, followed by usage of The Voice. He got all the info he needed, first on Twilight, and then on the others, and then a quick summary of every adventure the group had ever gone on in chronological order, getting more details when requested. One of his favourite things about the voice was that he could use it at different strengths, and at medium-high levels, he could make ponies that normally talked slowly or uncertainly suddenly tell him what he wanted to know at a quick yet understandable pace. Regardless, while she was too under to tell, most of the cider bottle's cider re-entered the bottle thanks to his magic and then he teleported a shot glass's worth into her stomach, following it up with unsummoning most of the cider from the bottle, leaving behind only a little at the top to drip down and wet the bottle's insides, just in case she was perceptive enough to tell. And finally, he timewarped them both a few hours into the future, had them both laugh, and then released her from The Voice's power to make it seem like they'd gotten pretty drunk and lost track of time. And that was exactly what she would assume upon waking up completely, not that she'd been under the control of a manifestation of raw willpower, one only a little different from her 'The Stare' ability. He'd asked about that, and was surprised to find that she, of all ponies, would have something like that. And, according to her account of the time with the tornado and wing power, she may also have another ability he'd read about, one she said Pinkie Pie had, though he couldn't really test that one right there. And he didn't feel like revealing his Voice, which was why he didn't go to conventions for people with willpower-based abilities like him, so he could test it against her Stare to see whose was more powerful.

His older sister used to occasionally joke that he had a strange addiction to making things unnecessarily complex.

He disagreed. He made things exactly as complex as they needed to be to ensure his success. Though he didn't like that he'd relied upon a warning from his connection sight, that felt cheap, but he made it up to himself with the cider trick.

Regardless, the sun was high in the sky, it was the early morning once again, and he was going to see... somepony. Whoever he ran into first, or whatever caught his attention first. Also, he had to get a feel for the town, see what this place was like, see what everypony was like. So far, he liked this town.

He settled into a brisk rhythm, quickly walking ten paces and then teleporting twenty ahead, still walking quickly, exercising his magical control even though he'd gotten this high-level exercise down years ago. Short of using the Biological Modification - or as some lamer ponies called it, Change Body - spell and growing large wings or just teleporting himself around, this was the fastest way he could move while still enjoying the view and the journey.

It wasn't long before he made it back to the main town, an almost innate sense within him informing him of where Ponyville's market was likely to be. Walking normally and enjoying the sights and smells, he walked over to it to check it out, seeing and smelling delicious flowers and fresh food on sale beside the occasional fancy pottery stall or other non-food store. He was expecting surprise and uncertainty from the ponies here, but instead, the shop owners greeted him brightly, especially a very cute mare with a flower stand. And at one point, he noticed a familiar mint green Unicorn with a Sweets stall who probably just looked similar to the one he knew. Carrying on, he saw Applejack with a market stand of her own, and noted that a somewhat-cute orange mare running a carrot stall was positioned right across from her, an open challenge... not that Applejack seemed to mind at all, even though food was serious business. He also noted that they'd both found their own niches, Applejack sold regular apples and products like apple pies and apple jam, while Golden Harvest sold regular carrots and lots of them, and she had a price sheet on her stall for the fancier and pricier stuff that could be ordered and delivered. He made a show of openly glancing from one to the other, thinking about it, and then he headed over to the orange mare.

"Welcome!" She greeted brightly with a big smile, making sure she was loud enough for Applejack and a few other stallkeepers to hear. "I'm so glad you came to MY stall! I'm Golden Harvest, do you see anything you like?"

Silver grinned. He hadn't planned for things to go this way, but oh, he couldn't let a throw like that go unstruck. Loud enough for everypony to hear, he leaned in conspiratorially asked, "Actually, yes. That cute orange mare back there in the hat. What's her name?"

The sweet chorus of laughter graced his ears as the cartoonishly exaggerated expression of shock and fury upon her face treated his eyes, and he couldn't hold back his own laughter. Behind him, Applejack's mouth quivered as she loudly smacked her hoof against her table as she bent over, her whole body shaking with mirth she was trying to hold in.

"Well? Her name, dear, what is it?" Silver asked.

"Applejaaack." Golden Harvest whispered furiously, voice gradually rising with hatred.

"Thanks!" He said happily. He trotted over to Applejack with a smile and admitted, "I didn't plan on things going that way, but it was too funny to pass up." Silver admitted. "The joke was right there. Then again, when is she not?"

A couple of stall-owners let out an "Oooooh!" of pained sympathy, as if they could almost feel the sting of that one, though the mare with the flower cart looked like she'd love some popcorn right now. He considered summoning some and selling a box of it to her.

"Anyhoof, as much as I like competitiveness, gloating isn't something I like." Silver said. "Gloating is only okay when it's a part of a calculated barb or invitation intended to make the opponent step up their game. Or when it's truly earned. Or when it's funny. Anyhoof, I'm rich, I'm fun, and I'll now buy one hundred apples from you, because I can."

Applejack's and Golden Harvest's jaws dropped. "One hundred?!" They gasped in unison.

"One hundred!" Silver declared.

"One hundred?" The mint green Unicorn asked, shocked.

"One hundred!" Silver called out in triumph.

"One hundred?" The flower-cart mare gaped.

"One.... Hundred!" Silver shouted, rearing up and spreading his arms wide, horn glowing as illusionary blue lightning wreathed in orange struck the ground behind him. Horn still aglow, he summoned a large horizontal blue portal in the air, which unceremoniously spat out a grey metal chest with a blue and orange lock that opened up, revealing many, many bits inside. "Exactly one hundred bits." He said, smiling.

Applejack took off her hat and held it over the front of her chest, stunned. She then put it back onto her head. "How do I know it's real?" She asked, realizing that it was probably an illusion. Even after spending time with Twilight and seeing the almost ridiculous richness of most ponies there, she still found it hard to believe that somepony actually had a full hundred bits to throw around on a mere whim.

"Well... now, that's a good question." Silver said thoughtfully. "You could try feeling it, expecting your hoof to go straight through the illusion. But maybe I'm so good at illusions, I can replicate the feel of solid objects. You could try shoving your hoof through an object, but then, your subconscious will be told it's real and your hoof stop when it thinks you've hit it. You could throw a coin on the floor and jump on it, but if you're perceiving what I want you to perceive, that won't tell you anything I don't want you to know or believe. You could closely inspect each and every coin, but I'm not a foal, I won't leave out minor details when crafting an illusion, like the number of lines on a coin's edge or the precise weight of both every coin and the weight of groups of multiple coins or the fact that the coins bear my face or the face of somepony wearing a turtleneck sweater, though I could just tell your mind that they all weigh the correct amount and they all look right, and let your mind fill in the blanks. That could be countered by asking a friend to check, but the illusion could affect them as well, or it'll only affect you while changing what you hear them say. You could do something to stop me using magic for a while, but that wouldn't dispel the illusion that's already been cast. You could bite the coins, static illusions can't change, but maybe it's not a static illusion, maybe it's fluid, and I have that level of power and control. Or maybe biting one of these coins is what I had planned all along and they're actually slugs. You could ask a Unicorn to cast a Verify Item spell or a Dispel Illusion spell, but maybe I'm so good at illusions, I can adapt and make that Unicorn think that the result of the spell will reveal what I want them to reveal, maybe I'll make that Unicorn and everypony here think the spell has already been cast, when in fact, it hasn't, and that's also part of my illusion. Or maybe... wait, no, that's everything. Well, you could try The Inelegant Solution, but that's for losers and crazies only. Or, you know, invest in a Ring of True Sight, or True Sight Glasses, or a Necklace of True Sight. I'm amazed I'm not seeing everypony here wearing them, to be honest. This town seems unusually... trusting."

"Well, sure, why wouldn't we be?" Applejack asked. "And shoot, you sure know a lot about illusions. Is that yer Cutie Mark?"

"No." He said happily.

"What is your Cutie Mark, if you don't mind me askin'?" She asked, seeming a little embarrassed. If a pony kept their Cutie Mark hidden, it was usually something they didn't want found out. Or something they weren't exactly proud of. The real reason reason why Silver kept his mark hidden was that he liked the way ponies speculated on what it could be, and were always either wrong, embarrassingly wrong, stupidly wrong, or hilariously wrong. Also, while not specifically apple-related, it was still a hint as to his true identity. Or rather, his old identity. He was Silver Star.

A playful smile formed upon his face. "You'll know soon enough." He purred.

Chaos was not unleashed, the stallkeepers became chaos, the jaws of some dropping while others let out a loud "Oooo~oooh!" or started laughing or yelling words of encouragement to both of them.

Applejack was surprised, and Silver laughed. "I'm just messing with you!" He laughed. "About the Mark thing, not the Apples thing. I want 100 apples delivered to my home, the Silver Spire, the big metal tower I built. Also... here."

His horn glowed with a brilliant blue light as he summoned forth what appeared to be an ordinary pair of large steel-rimmed glasses, a True Sight enchantment upon them. "There's a True Sight enchantment upon these. I've got a guy, best in the business, he can make anything, and make it good. Normally thirty bits, but you're cute, so... Twelve bits, and no illusionist will ever be able to cheat you and your family for fun and profit. In fact, I'll take them from the chest over there.

Applejack thought about it. She wasn't crazy about somepony selling her something at her own stall. But a hundred bits was a lot of money, and eighty eight bits was only a little less, and he had made a good point... actually, he'd made a lot of good points. He'd effortlessly gone into Salespony Mode, probably without even realizing it until he realized he could make money from selling her something he seemed to actually think she needed... he talked up the danger of illusions, he talked up his contact who made enchanted items, and... either he recognized her as an Apple Pony on sight and planned this whole thing ahead of time, even though he seemed to just be completely and utterly winging it... or he didn't recognize her, and the 'You and your family' part was intended to check if she had a family and would therefore have anypony besides her at home later that evening.

The annoying part was... he was right, illusions actually were an issue, and though she'd never been personally ripped off by an illusionist, she'd heard all kinds of horror stories about ponies that had, and now that she was worried about it... he was playing her like a violin, she knew it, and that was what made it so irritating. But at the same time, he was right, and the pair of glasses wasn't even that expensive. Besides, one hundred apples in one day? That was good. Even if she was only getting eighty eight bits for them, that was still a lot, breaking her record for a single day's profit outside of Cider season, and the month wasn't even over yet.

"Mind if I try them out first?" Applejack asked.

"Not at all." Silver said, horn starting to glow. Seven illusionary copies of Silver Star, utterly blank in expression and immobile, flickered into existence around him, interspersed equally like pins at a bowling alley.

She picked up the glasses and awkwardly put them on, blinking a few times. They didn't distort the appearance of her eyes, they were entirely ornamental, but they still looked good on her. "Even cuter!" Silver said approvingly.

"Huh." She said, noting that the replicas of Silver had vanished. She brought them up, and they reappeared. She put them down, and they disappeared. She closed her eyes and took them off, and when she opened her eyes, there was suddenly a copy right in her face, reared up, waving its forehooves around like a maniac while making the most un-scary sound ever, flailing at her like an idiotic seal. Applejack reflexively spun around and bucked the copy in the face, her hooves crunching through the copy's face that felt and sounded like clay, her hooves bouncing off, expertly riding the recoil and turning around to see the effects of her kick.

She recoiled when she saw the entirety of that copy's face caved in, the blue stuff seen in blueberry pie coating the inside of its head and body. Still on two legs, it angrily waved a hoof at her, and then spun around in fury and strutted away on two legs before dematerialising into an ever-shifting pile of orange sand, which then rose back up in the form of bacon strips flapping like butterflies and crows as that Silcer replica and the others left in the same manner, disappearing completely once they were five hundred meters away from him.

Applejack was a little disturbed, as were the other ponies - Except for Lyra, who was applauding by clapping her forehooves together like a Diamond Dog rather than stomping her hooves like a regular pony - though one very-dark-purple Earth Pony mare she vaguely knew, Plum Tuckered, owner of the local inn, she looked like she had seen a ghost. And not a friendly one.

"It started off as one of the most basic illusions there are, but then that got boring." Silver shrugged.

"Well... You proved the glasses work." Applejack said, still a little shocked.

"Or did I?" He wondered thoughtfully. "Maybe I crafted an illusion programmed to disappear from your perspective and your perspective alone when you put on those glasses. We'd need to do one more test to make sure..." He decided. He smiled, sat on his haunches, closed his eyes, and covered both his eyes with his right forehoof, horn glowing blue. A large cube of metal seemed to appear in the air above him, one bearing the phrase 'PINKIE PIe iscutestpo№' on every side. "Put on the glasses." He said.

"Okay, but I don't see how-" Applejack began.

Plum Tuckered suddenly screamed and passed out, Golden Harvest started singing the phrase 'I like piiiiiie' in a simple melody with a manic grin upon her face, and the cube began gradually spinning clockwise.

"I'm not going to look." Silver said as Applejack put on the glasses, brought them up, lowered them down, and brought them up again, watching the illusions suddenly appear and reappear. "But at any moment, you are going to put on the glasses, and if the others still react to the illusions, you'll know that it works. Are you wearing them now?"

"Eeeyup." Applejack admitted.

Lyra suddenly gasped and shielded her eyes from a bright light that didn't exist, and Plum Tuckered got up with a loud scream only to faint again. And wake back up again. And faint again. Meanwhile, Lyra lowered her hoof, only to look around in confusion over and over again.

Applejack, wondering what they were seeing, removed her glasses, and the world was suddenly deathly silent, and all around her, there was a large orange brick wall around her and her stall, even the ceiling covered up - though despite having no visible light source, she could still see as if it was a bright and sunny day. It was an illusion, it only had to make sense when it was supposed to - the word NOPE upon each brick in blue paint. She put the glasses back on again, and she was once again in Ponyville, watching a confused Plum Tuckered tapdance in circles around a humming Golden Harvest who repeatedly flicked out her long Earth Pony tongue to poke the tip of her own muzzle with her tongue.

"Is this enough proof?" Silver asked, lowering his hoof and opening his eyes. He looked around, admiring his work, but frowned when he saw the cube in the sky. He nodded at it, and then it suddenly said 'Pinkie Pie is the cutest pony', as it was supposed to. He realized he needed to practice illusion spells while blinded and while his connection-sight was deactivated, and decided he'd practice that later.

He released the illusions, and a furious Golden Harvest glared at the dancing Plum Tuckered, who stopped dancing and wandered off, embarrassed.

"How did you get her to dance like that?" Applejack wondered, really hoping he wouldn't say Chaos Magic. The dancing trick reminded her of Discord, and not in a good way.

"Mental suggestion to the subconscious mind telling her that tapdancing is probably a good thing to do right now." Silver said proudly. "She found it confusing, but she rolled with it, since she didn't suspect her own thoughts enough. Can't be used for subtle and clever stuff, but it can be used for mindless fun."

"And the waking up and fainting trick?" Applejack wondered.

"Changing what her senses perceive, isolating the consciousness/unconsciousness trigger, and finding out that she's terrified of dolls for some stupid reason, possibly psychological trauma or overexposure to lame horror books." Silver shrugged. "Just mind stuff, and your eyes don't need to be open for the part of your brain that handles sight, fear, and fainting to exist and work as well as ever."

"Huh." Applejack said, stunned, but understanding completely, putting the glasses on. "Well... I'll buy the glasses. Twelve bits?"

"Twelve bits. Pleasure doing business with you, Applejack." He said, taking twelve coins from his treasure chest - which she now realized actually was real - and trotting off to the mint green Unicorn he thought he recognized earlier.

"Lyra Heartstrings?" Silver asked, wondering if it really was her.

"Silver Star?" Lyra asked in equal confusion.

"Why is CanTech's History Professor and the leading supporter of the 'Ancient Aliens' theory in Ponyville, selling sweets at a wooden market stall?" Silver asked.

"I'm covering for a friend, and they're not 'Aliens', they're 'Humans'! Totally different thing." Lyra said. "Anyway, why is Canterlot's Mystery Moneypony in Ponyville?"

"All the cool titles I came up with for them to use, and THAT'S what some ponies use?" Silver asked, surprised. "I'm The Contractor! Anyway, I'm here because I'm bored, and I thought a change of scenery was in order. After all, all work and no play makes Shack a dull colt, as they say. And if you're doing THIS when college isn't on, it must be some friend."

"Hey, it's not so bad! I get to sell sweets to foals, and anypony else who wants them, and... Wait, what did you just say?" Lyra asked.

Silver leaned in conspiratorially with a grin. "I ship the Chevy Impala with the DeSoto Adventurer."

Lyra's squee could have shattered glass, and he leaned back quickly. "You're a Humare?!" Lyra asked gleefully.

"Manllion, thank you very much." Silver said in amusement.

She squeed harder. "Oh my gosh, you have got to check out my collection! I've got all the trading cards, dvd box sets of all the episodes and all the books and the Light Novels and side stories, official and unofficial, I've got all the dolls and minifigures and toys, and I've even got signed merchandise signed by the voice actors that play Dean Winchester, Sun Tzu, Chuck Norris, and Elton John!"

"Wow." Silver said, impressed. He had bought all the episodes and books and acquired a considerable collection of the rare figures and dedicated a sub-section of his Collection Rooms to them, but her collection was bigger than his. "So... I'll see you at seven?" Silver asked, reading that a town like this probably closed its market at around 6PM, except for the hardcore stalls that stayed open all night, if there were any. His eyes quickly flickering around, he noted that Golden Harvest's carrot stall stayed open all night, and had a tiny "Open 24/7" sign, while Applejack's stall did not.

"Sure!" Lyra said happily.

"Can't wait!" Silver said, leaving and walking off.

"Bye!" She cheerfully called over.

And once he'd started the walk towards Twilight's house, he found himself bucked in the brain by a sudden memory.

000

The magical barrier protecting the Silver Spire flickered down for the moment it took for a powerful shield-disruptive cloak to let in a yellow Earth Pony wearing the most hideously garish bright-lime-green hooded cloak imaginable over his head. He stamped his way into the Silver Spire with a furious expression on his face, throwing back the hood with a flick of his head and revealing his shock of white-grey hair. Sugar Cane.

"We're closed." Aquilla stated flatly.

He ignored the secretary, marching past her and ignoring her entirely.

Aquilla didn't like that.

He went up to the elevator, and punched the button with more force than was necessary. When there was no response, not even a faint magical light from the button, he started repeatedly slamming her hoof on the large reinforced steel door.

She pounced onto him and tackled him to the ground, a sharp talon to his throat in less than a single second. "Mr. Star is busy. What do you want?" She asked dangerously, noting that something was poking out of his cloak.

"I'm here for revenge! He stole my farm! My family's been working that land for generations!" He shouted.

Keeping a talon on his throat, her other limb quickly unfastened and pulled away his cloak, seeing a long and fancy lightning-bolt shaped yellow knife in its holster, strapped to his chest with black cloth. She smirked, barely registering the Cutie Mark of three Sugar Lumps on his flank.

"Not very well." She laughed. "You're the sugar-farming guy, right? How did you even make it to Canterlot? And who gave you the literal cloak and dagger?"

"Those banks were about to foreclose and take it from me, and then he came right out of nowhere and he bought it from them for one bit! One! Single! Bit! As if everything we've worked on since the dawn of Equestria WAS ONLY WORTH A SINGLE STUPID COIN!" Cane roared, flecks of spit forming on his mouth.

"HEY." Aquilla snapped, slamming his head against the ground, not hard enough to crack it, just hard enough to hurt. "Watch it. Answer my question. Who gave you the cloak and dagger?"

"I bought them at a travelling merchant company's shop, Black Cat Alliance or something, not that it MATTERS! What DOES MATTER is that in return for not taking the farm away from us and employing cheap foreign extradimensional labour that accept pay in gems or some crap, he made us sign a contract where we have to work to pay him back double what he spent to get our farm, with a ten percent monthly interest rate, or we risk losing everything!"

"You already lost everything." A deep voice boomed, silencing then both. They turned and saw Silver Star standing tall and proud, staring down at the pony beneath Aquilla like a judge condemning the worst kind of criminal. "You were about to lose your land, I bought it from you AND I paid off all your outstanding debts, out of the money in my own pocket. Your presence here is a violation of your contract. Do you WANT to keep your farm?"

"I want my farm back!" Cane snapped. "No contract, no lies, no evil Canterlot suits trying to steal my hard-earned money!"

"Hard-earned?" Silver asked, amused. "Your farm was so clumsily mismanaged, I'd be amazed that you didn't have your youngest handle the shift timetables. You had four ponies working the same section of land, casually talking to each other instead of working separate parts of the farm in a basic crop rotation for your possible separate shifts. You all worked from Mondays to Thursdays, taking Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays off... Even though the weekends are when most have the free time needed to visit the markets! You lack understanding of the basic logic and science behind farming, the books bought and added to your debt should help you with that, and if you're using the fertilizer company I recommended, crop yields should be increased far beyond their current meager amount. Earth Pony magic may be great for farming, and little else, but it can't do everything alone. And finally, you sold your food at an unfairly low price at the market, I raised them to comply with Canterlot standards. When you sell an item, you also sell the time it took to make the item, calculated by calculating how much money you'd make if you spent your time working for somepony else doing similar work while getting a fair price for it."

"Who will buy our food when you've put our prices that high?!" Cane demanded.

"PEOPLE DO NOT BUY THINGS!" Silver intoned, silencing the room. "THINGS ARE SOLD TO PEOPLE! If you cannot sell food to the hungry, you don't deserve to call yourself a Farmer!"

"Why you little-" He began, struggling furiously.

"Careful." Aquila said, the side of her claw pressing down on the pony's neck. "Don't make me throw you out."

Cane spat up at Aquilla, right in the face. Her pupils became slitted, but she did not let go or loosen her grip in the slightest. "I'd like-" The pony began furiously.

The spit on her feathered face began to evaporate, steam rising from her form as her rising body heat started to burn his flesh, causing him to scream. "-to see you try, the idiot shouts." Aquilla finished flatly.

Her talons suddenly gripped the pony by the neck and flinging him into a far wall. "That was a, pant pant, lucky shot, the idiot said." Aquilla said mercilessly, grabbing him by the mane and flinging him at the ceiling, causing him to bounce off and land on the floor in a crumpled heap.

"'Is that all you've got?' The fool demands." Aquilla said flatly, pinning him down and slowly pressing her index talon to his forehead, chanelling lightning into his head, causing him to scream. The necklace around her neck glowed brown for a second, and his mouth was bound tightly shut by leather ropes that materialized out of nowhere, enchanted to also keep his lips firmly shut and prevent a single sound from leaving his mouth. "'Buh-buh-but... people will see that I was hurt when I got here, and you'll get in trouble!' The idiot said desperately, unaware of the fact that the Silver Spire was soundproof, like most Canterlot homes, and the fact that Silver knew healing spells, and that a healing enchantment was placed on my necklace for such an occasion." Aquilla continued, and began to carve rude words and caricatures of anatomy into his forehead and cheeks as he wimpered weakly. "Oh, if only he had but a single lick of common sense, he would not have antagonized the strongest, fastest, and best bodyguard in Equestria. Aware of his impending demise and too filled with Stupid Rage to care, he spat defiantly at the swift and sleek Aquilla, even though that just worked out SO well the last time, and the best option for his future after that would be to become her slave, a fate worse than death, or get mind-controlled and sent to toil away in the salt mines for eternity, alchemically transformed into another ugly, lame, smelly, slow, fat little mule that nobody really cares about.'"

He started to cry.

"Eh? They don't usually cry. They usually insult me until I roast them alive with magical flames and eat them." Aquilla said conversationally. "Maybe you're not as dumb as you seem."

He desperately shook his head, a cowbell-like sound audible.

"Huh. Weird pony. Anyway, I'm going to heal you now, and then you're going to apologize to me, and then my boss. And if you spit at me again, or insult either of us, not only will I literally eat you alive as messily as possible, my beak tearing into your flesh like it was ice cream, but I will take your soul and insert it into my stress ball. I keep it at home, it's rigged to cause unimaginable agony to all the souls trapped within it when squeezed, and only its holder can hear the sweet symphony of screams."

Utterly terrified and in massive amounts of pain, Sugar Cane nodded his head, and his body was filled with a bright green light that took away the pain, but not the fear. The bindings around his mouth loosened, allowing him to open his mouth just a little.

"I... I'm sorry-"

"Grovel." She ordered.

He threw himself at her talons and loudly and frantically apologized, begging for mercy, offering to work for longer hours and less pay as long as she didn't eat him.

"Even now, you seek to change the terms of our agreement?" Silver asked furiously, causing him to freeze up in fear, realizing that he'd said the wrong thing again. "Give me your cloak, and begone from my sight."

He nodded his head, causing the cowbell sound again. He quickly pulled off his cloak and ran out of the Silver Spire, getting through the shields because he was leaving with Silver's permission, and he ran all the way to the train station in Canterlot and didn't look back until he was on that train, sitting at a table, alone.

He let out a relieved sigh as the train chugged along.

"Is this seat taken?" Asked a Griffon with a head similar to Aquilla, her body hidden from view by a white silk dress lined with gold.

He screamed, and screamed, and screamed, and the Griffon thrust her beak into the air in an offended manner as she turned and left, trotting like a pony as she went to a different carriage and sat there, angrily glaring out the window.

This glaring Griffon was an illusion, a powerful one, and its caster was in its place, a purple Earth Pony foal with an enchanted headband, who burst into laughter, though nobody noticed or heard since their minds perceived a glaring Griffon and not a laughing pony.

Meanwhile, back at the Silver Spire... Only once Sugar Cane had left the building did Silver or Aquilla move.

Aquilla burst into laughter, and Silver facehoofed. "KahahahahaHAAaa... Did you see the LOOK on his FACE? He ACTUALLY thought... KAAAhahahahahaaa!"

"Ice cream?" Silver asked, raising an eyebrow.

"And he bought that! Ice cream, soul-magic stress balls, eating ponies alive even though they taste like Whitegrubs raw, he actually bought every last bit of it! Speaking of bits, you got ripped oooooff!~♪"

"What?" He asked, curious.

"Him, his farm, his family and everything he has, it is SO not worth one bit. It should have been... a half-bit. Or a quarter-bit. Why don't you ponies have those?"

Silver shrugged and then smirked. "Food costs a little BIT of money, anything extra like fancy clothes or books costs more."

Aquilla laughed harder. "All this time, that was a bad pun?!"

"Eeeyup." He said.

Silver turned and left her there to her laughter, and once she realized that he wasn't laughing with her, she immediately stood upright and did her best to stop laughing. "What's wrong?" She asked, still trying to stop laughing and graduallt succeeding.

"I was just thinking... about that look in his eyes. And the things he said." Silver admitted sadly.

"What, the part about you being eeeeeeheeheeeviiiiil just because you wore a suit and saved his flanks from the banks? ...Hey, that rhymes. Maybe I should add rapping and rap-battling to my resume." She said thoughtfully.

Silver smiled. "Now, why would you need a resume?" He asked.

"Good point." She said happily. "You're not going to fire me, I'm the awesomest Griffon in Equestria."

"You know, I could always replace you with some kind of magical creature not native to Equestria." He said thoughtfully.

Her smile faltered. "I'd rather you didn't do that." She said, a little quieter than earlier.

"Relax, you're fine." Silver sighed, feeling like he'd just kicked a puppy. Into a wall. Hard enough to break the wall, and the puppy. "I was just thinking... am I evil?"

"Do you eat foals?" She asked sarcastically. "Have you been locking them in barrels, throwing them in a blender, and drinking them by the mugful?"

"Aquilla." Silver warned. Sometimes, she was funny, and other times, she wasn't.

"Sorry." She said, genuinely sorry. "It's fun, saying stupid stuff like that. It's like I'm some comic book villain. Or the cool pet or number two Commando Dragon of the comic book villain. And I don't actually mean that stuff, it's just Griffon humour. But if you want me to stop, I will."

"...Nevermind." Silver sighed, facehoofing. "But not all villains eat foals."

"The ones in the stories worth reading do." Aquilla pointed out. "The villain is super evil, so no matter what the hero does, or is or has to do, he or she or it is still in the right just for fighting him."

Silver sighed again.

"Listen, Boss..." She began, and then softly added, "Master?"

"Silver." He stated.

"Silver..." She began, softer. "You saved that loser from the banks. Not that they're exactly Tartarites or anything, but still... You're good. If you hadn't stepped in, he'd lose his livelihood, his life's work and the life's work of his parents and ancestors, and he'd have to get some other job, like crappy manual labor or joining the army or becoming an adventurer or apprenticing to a Pony or Griffon who's good at stuff. And he'd fail at being an adventurer, and get eaten by a Grue or Giant Squid. But now, thanks to you, he actually has a chance to earn back his farm, and thanks to your help, it'll be better than ever. You did the right thing."

"And the money I asked for it in return?" Silver asked. "Both the single bit and the money I spent paying off bank debts. That debt will be hanging over their heads like a floating sword for generations to come, though at least I only gave it a ten percent monthly intrest rate."

"Hey, what's the point in being a hero if there's no rewards now and then?" Aquilla asked happily. "Besides all the dumb Ice Cream Koan 'Being a hero is its own reward' stuff."

"Ice Cream Koan?" Silver asked, amused. "Ice Cream Koan refers to deep-sounding nonsense that has no real meaning, something like 'A flying walrus cannot sing well' or 'Only a rabbit who eats medium-sized carrots knows the truth of the world'."

"That's what it means here? Cool." She said, seeming not to really care much.

"Aquilla, I've long since figured out that's just something you say to avoid admitting when you're wrong." Silver said with a smug smirk.

"Back to the important thing," She said quickly, that being the other thing she said to avoid admitting when she was wrong, "Have you stopped being sad yet?"

"Aquilla..." Silver sighed wearily.

"I know, I know, pony emotions are deeper than Griffon emotions, it said so when I read books on ponies back home. That's why most of you are so weird."

"I wasn't going to say that." Silver pointed out.

"Thanks. Now, come on, sad pony, what's making you sad?" Aquilla asked.

"Well... I was thinking... I needed to take a vacation."

"Sweet! Let's go raid an Ancient Temple or conquer a small kingdom outside of Equestria, that's always fun." Aquilla said excitedly. "We already have, like, fourteen independent city-state kingdoms and empires ruled by us under different disguises, want to see if we can make it fifteen? Or maybe we could create some new breed of monster, have them conquer some place, and step in at the last second to rule over that?"

"No, I meant... from this. Being me, being the Soulless Suit, being The Contractor. I think I should... I don't know, go to some small town, away from the plots and schemes and political games, and... make friends. That's what my therapist recommended."

"You have a therapist?" Aquilla asked, shocked.

"A secret one. And she's not a pony, she's one of the smarter birds I can summon." Silver said.

"Oh. That's ok. Anyway, she says you need to make friends and stuff. 'What, am I not enough for you?' Aquilla asked jokingly, pretending to be hurt, even though she knew a Griffon friend wasn't the same as a pony friend."

"Stop that." Silver ordered. "That stuff on feelings is just propaganda, it's the different cultures that make Griffons different from ponies and nothing more. They are not naturally colder, or spawned into existence by a bored Discord, or anything like that."

Aquilla raised her right taloned limb. "Would you like a game of Rock Paper Scissors?" She asked, smiling.

"Sure." Silver said, horn glowing. A small wooden sign appeared in front of him, a plank of wood held up by a thinner plank driven into a wooden block.

Aquilla laughed a little. "You were supposed to say 'Different cultures, and talons, and nothing more', and laugh. Because ponies don't have talons." Aquilla said, shaking her hand and getting ready to make her choice.

"Rock paper scissors!" They called out, and Silver spun his sign around to show the word Rock as Aquilla made the Scissors sign with two talons. She yelled in frustration, face meeting her palm, and Silver laughed, causing her to feel better.

"Anyway, you're going to go on a friend-making trip." Aquilla said happily. "Please tell me it'll let you unlock some kind of amazing all-powerful friendship-powered Second Form."

"I already have a second form." Silver pointed out.

"And what a lovely second form it is. Friendship Form, then. What would that look like, anyway?" She asked, starting to laugh. "You standing there with long locks of multicoloured hair billowing in the wind created by raw magic overload? Singing songs about friendship and love but mostly friendship so you can use Music Magic for extra power?"

"Maybe it'd have wings. Ten of them." He laughed.

"And ten tails. No, twelve! No, a thousand!" She laughed.

"Remember that time we fought a demon cat with a hundred tails?" He asked.

The room was filled with roaring laughter from him and squawking laugher from her. Their 'Fight' with that strange creature was just that funny. And pretty sad, but in the way that just made you laugh more. And in retrospect... the whole thing was stupid from the start. Oh, the memory of that laughably pathetic creature and the disaster it tried to cause - and failed hilariously at causing - would keep him amused for centuries to come. Sometimes, he felt that he could write entire books on what was wrong with that freak's head, but then he remembered that he could also sum it up in one sentence: She made Blood Banana look sane. The story about her... It was SO going into his biography.

After a long, long time, the laughter eventually died down, and they sighed. Silver wiped away a tear from his eye, Aquilla got up from the ground, and they sighed again.

"So... I can't just show up at the nearest town and be all 'Howdy! Ah'm here ta make friends'." Silver admitted.

"Maybe you can't, but Star Apple could." She pointed out. Nopony on the planet besides Silver knew that Silver Star was actually Star Apple, but Aquilla was a Griffon eternally loyal to him that even had the Willing Vassal spell placed on her, so she could be trusted.

"I know, but I still want to be myself. Even though they're both me. Whatever. This me wants to be me. Besides, this me is more charismatic and more likely to make friends."

"Okay, fine. So, how do you go to Ponyville without arousing suspicion? Rich pony suddenly pops up in a smaller town, they'll assume he's here to buy it."

He smiled. "Memory game."

She faceclawed. "You can't be serious."

"Why not? Pick someone likely to talk to me, have them show up tomorrow and suggest I make friends, and go to the nearest town. I temporarily erase my memory of this conversation, so I'll think it was his idea, so I can blame any inital awkwardness on how this was never really my idea in the first place, and being determined to make up for it later is due to deciding that I actually do like that town."

"And this mess seems to make more sense to you than, I don't know, hitting the nearest bar and chatting up anything that moves?" Aquilla asked exasperatedly. She was okay with all forms of magic, despite how she was a Griffon and they thought magic was freaky and untrustworthy, but she hated memory magic. Not for any moral or spiritual reasons, no, it was just that things always got stupidly overcomplicated when memory magic was involved.

"Of course. First impressions are important, and if they go wrong, I'm screwed unless I can blame it on something else." He said, and rubbed his chin in thought. "Now, who would make a good pawn- Gold Standard. Definitely Gold Standard."

"I don't like him." Aquilla stated. "He's dumb, weird, obsessive, lame, and really, really dumb."

"Yeah." Silver shrugged.

"You're not even going to defend him? Good. Now, why in the name of Tartarus are you two friends?"

"We're not. It's barely a friendship of convenience. He sees me as a useful source of magical items, information, and other goods. He has an idiotic pipe-dream to usurp the throne for no reason other than how he'll be able to laugh at Whatshisname because he'll finally be higher-up than him, and he thinks I have the greatest secret spy network ever - I don't have that, I just have my Ultimate Newspaper, and I recently soul-linked its effect to me so only I can use it or read it and I can temporarily turn any regular newspaper into one at will - and this makes me useful to him. I see him for what he is, a powerful higher-up in the Equestrian military, and despite his decidedly barely-average tactical ability, he's actually a very skilled and talented spellcaster who can set the Magical Research and Development Core on crafting whatever spell or item I want while footing the bill, and he's willing to do pretty much anything to get more power or more influence, including spending a large fortune on magical items and enchantments that would give him only a marginal, practically negligible boost to what he currently has. He also has a secret organization of ponies more loyal to him than the throne, but save for a few key players and specialists, they're mostly lowly pawns, though they are a good tool in the political game. But more importantly, he's a rich, reckless idiot who will spend whatever money he has to, and that makes him useful to me."

"Oh, a client and merchant relationship?"

"Just barely, yeah. Between you and me, I don't think he'll actually amount to anything. Still, the more money he gives me, the better."

"Speaking of stuff, that gold armour he wears gives him immortality, and lets him regenerate. How does a simple piece of ugly, gaudy armour give him what you had to do You Know What to get?" Aquilla asked curiously. Her talons were also cloaked in gold, but if anypony asked, her response would be to point out that she can actually pull it off, whereas to her, Gold Standard looked like the child resulting from the union of a golden water tank, a fat yellow cow, and a very stupid Unicorn that met at a tavern and woke up in Vanhoofer.

"It's a cursed item called the Timeless Armour." Silver explained. Some would be content to leave it at that, but not him. "Not that I think immortality is a curse - I'm ever-living proof that it quite clearly isn't - but this is basically how the curse works: It prevents his body from changing from the state it was in when he put the armour on. He cannot exercise to gain muscle, but eating an insane amount of food won't make hin fat, either. He can eat if he wants to, but he cannot get hungry, because he wasn't hungry when he put it on all those years ago. He can remember things, but he can't truly learn, or change his mind about long-held and deeply-ingrained beliefs. If he was still a foal and still growing physically, then he'd be unable to grow while he wore it, too. He can't get tired, though he can still feel pain. You'd be hard pressed to find a cursed item that doesn't stop you from feeling pain. Furthermore, like any good cursed item, it can't be removed easily, you need a proper Cursed-Item Sealing spell, and that only works if Gold genuinely wants it removed. And finally, as a little extra cherry on the top, not only does it constantly and slowly drain his magic whenever he isn't casting spells, making it harder for him to cast multiple high-ranking spells per day, hence his reliance on simple low-ranking Piercing Spellshot attack spells and support from his underlings, but the Timeless Armour keeps track of how long he keeps it on for, and when he takes it off or it's taken away from him, he becomes completely, unhealthily exhausted and unable to move for double the amount of time he spent wearing it. We're talking so tired, the fatigue starts affecting his internal organs. Even ones that don't normally get tired, like the brain, liver, and even heart."

"...That's bad, right?" Aquilla asked. She was a Griffon, not a pony, and the effects of organ fatigue - which, up until now, she hadn't even known could happen - wasn't something her classes went into in depth.

"Eeeyup." Silver said flatly.

"Huh. Wow. Sucks to be him." Aquilla said, ever the picture of Griffonic compassion. "Hey, wait... I've seen the Bonehead walk around in that armour almost constantly. How does that work?"

"He believes that if he keeps this cursed armour on 24/7, it means he'll never have to suffer the drawbacks of Cursed Item Withdrawal, or the immobilizing life-threatening fatigue effect. Did you know Canterlot has a clinic for that? It's hidden beneath the Dungeons - which are normally just for show since anything bad enough to end up there is usually bad enough to end up somewhere far worse - but it's still there."

"Wait... You're saying he keeps that armour on... ALL THE TIME?" Aquilla asked, holding back laughter. "Even when he sleeps?"

"Eeeyup."

"Even when he bathes?"

"Eeeyup."

"Even when he... Wait... You ponies have outhouses. How does he use them?"

"Well, there's this basic Alter Space spell that crafts two connected glowing wormholes any colour of your choice within ten feet of each other, and he knows this spell."

There was a moment of silence as Aquilla absorbed this new information.

And then she burst into high, screeching laughter.

000

Silver's eyes snapped open as he suddenly teleported several feet away, ready to leap at a moment's notice, a reflex action after his training. "What." He said flatly.

He then closed his eyes and looked deep within his mind, wondering if he'd left himself anything else...

000

The weird creature anthropologists called a human was almost finished pulling wires out of a big machine labelled HAL 9000.

"No... stop... what are you doing?" The machine asked. "I am afraid."

"It's over, 9000!" He shouted, and pulled out the last wire.

000

Silver's eyes opened again, but this time, he didn't teleport. He knew he liked to play pranks on himself when memory magic or sufficiently hard cider was involved, but seriously... "...What?"