Me

by Symphony

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Changelings
Length: 1023

I never wanted to cause pain.

I never wanted this. I never wanted to cause pain. I never wanted to be a bane. I wanted to live.

Published 2012-04-24 20:44:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-24 20:44:02 UTC

Me

They say that I’m bad.

They say that I have no soul.

They say that I have no heart and can’t feel anything.

They are wrong.

My entire life has been spent avoiding accusing stares and being chased away whenever I thought I could fit in. Young fillies and colts shy away when they see me and run to their parents. Their parents come for me and try to hurt me. Nopony likes me, nopony will ever accept me in their society. Now here I lay, feeling the last of my strength leave me as I starve.

I’m a changeling.

They say that I’m dangerous.

They say that I will trick them and hurt them.

They say that I’m going to break down everything around them.

They are wrong.

Growing up wasn’t easy, it never is for a changeling. We must keep moving as much as we can or we will be noticed and attacked. We move whenever Queen Chrysalis commands us. New clutches often starve to death, so the changeling race is slowly dying. I’m not like the rest of them. I don’t blindly follow the queen, I think for myself. And as I lay dying, I’m desperate for the queen to save me.

They will not care about my death.

They will be relieved that another bug died.

They will spit on my corpse.

They are right.

The Changeling tribe will not care about another fallen drone. It will only be one less mouth to feed. They will be relieved and the Queen will breathe a sigh of relief. My strength is almost gone completely now. I was sent away after the failed attack against Canterlot in the wrong direction. I hurt my wings and wasn’t able to fly. I broke my legs on impact and my horn is cracked. They are useless now. I am useless now.

They will frown as they see my corpse.

They will ignore me and leave me there.

They will leave me to decompose.

As I lay useless and tossed away in a dark forest surrounding me, I cannot help but to cry. I cry for my mistakes, I cry for my brothers and sisters starving, I cry for being born the wrong species. I cry for the pain, I cry for all the hate I have recieved in my life. My crying is subsided by the loss of energy in my tattered body. I just want to sleep.

They are right to ignore me.

They are right to hate me.

They are right to hurt me.

No one will miss me. No one will notice that I’m gone. No one will care. I close my eyes for the last time in my life. There is no pain anymore. There is no point in trying to find my way back to them. Like my whole life, I will only be trouble to those I meet. I can feel my breathing slow down automatically. The bitter end is slowly coming for me. The salvation is close now. I can feel it.

They will laugh without me.

They will cherish life without me.

They will be happier without me.

I try taking a deep breath but as I open my mouth and takes a breath, the pain returns worse than before. It’s almost paralyzing. My mouth is hanging open. I try closing it but I’m almost to weak to do it. I leave it slightly open and open my eyes. The sun is blinding me. I get used to it quickly and can see the treeline. I’m lying in the middle of a grove, skidmarks are on the ground next to me. I must have landed there and skidded to where I am now.

I never wanted this.

I never wanted to cause pain.

I never wanted to be a bane.

I wanted to live.

I try flapping my wings. It hurts. I clench my eyes shut and grind my teeth together. I’m stuck here, waiting for my inevitable and slow fate. The hunger is worse than the pain on my body. I start crying again. Why didn’t I leave them on the way to Canterlot? Why didn’t I just stay with the clutches? My mind is being filled with questions and accusations of what I should have done and shouldn’t have done. I silently blame and curse the queen.

I want to go home.

I want to get back.

I want to live.

My salvation is really close now, I can feel it. I smile. I can finally be free from the curse of being a changeling. I will hopefully be reincarnated as a pony or something nice. My body is starting to get numb. There’s a tingling sensation on my back hooves that is climbing up my leg. As it leaves my leg, I can’t feel it anymore. I smile even wider as the tingling goes over my flank and onto my stomach.

I will finally be free.

I will finally be something better.

I will finally rest.

It hurts a little as the tingling passes my gut but it leaves it completely numb. Another tingling sensation starts over my forelegs and climbs up to my chest. I can finally breathe calmly again and not stressed and hitched. I take a breath through my nostrils. It feels relieving to do so. The tingling sensations meet by my heart. I can feel it slowing down.

I want to say my goodbyes.

I want to sleep.

My eyes are softly closed and I can’t help but to smile as my heartrate keeps dropping. Freedom is finally so close and within my grasp. I will not hesitate to make my final breath long, outdrawn and relaxing. All my life I was hated and despised, they wanted me gone. They wanted me to just go away and die and here I am, making their wishes true. I will pass with a smile on my lips. I can’t move my body anymore as I take one last long breath.

I was just what I was born to be.

I just wanted to be normal.

I was just me.