Chapters Start of the joke....
Comedy is a difficult thing, far harder to pull off than drama or tragedy. You have to make up a funny joke, get the timing right, and deliver the punchline just so for maximum effect. It was a lesson Surprise had learned long ago, as in the early days of her comedic career she had bungled that one quite a few times, and one she kept in mind with every joke she played. But if there was one pony in all of Dream Valley that had been born into being the queen of the practical joke, it was this nigh-insane Pegasus.
"Okay, Tickle! Everything's ready!" Surprise called out, pulling the anvil up on the block and tackle she had tied it to. "Is Paradise down there yet?"
"Here she comes now, boss!" The pink Pegasus with a feather cutie mark told her teacher. "Let her have it!"
It wasn't very long, until the white mare with the Palm trees cutie mark walked underneath the balcony the two other ponies were standing on. Surprise let go of the rope, and let the heavy anvil fall...
"Hmm, I thought I heard some talking in here." Paradise thought aloud, looking around in confusion. "I wonder what-"
CLANNNNGGGG!
The heavy piece of metal came crashing down on poor Paradise's head, the the Pegasus librarian hit the floor with a loud THUD! Cracks then formed all along Paradise's body, and the mare broke apart into tiny parts.
"Ha Ha! Looks like Paradise went all to pieces!" Surprise laughed hysterically, almost falling off the balcony.
The anvil didn't really hurt Paradise, of course. Like all of Surprise's gags, it had been enchanted to cause only a mild headache, and create a comedic and cartoony illusion when it struck some pony's head. Paradise quickly pulled herself together, and looked up at the other mare in anger.
"Ohhhhh, damn you Surprise!" The angry mare called up, shaking her hoof. "Can't you even be serious for one minute!?"
It was true, Dream Valley's number one comedian did have a hard time taking anything seriously. Ever since she had moved here from Hoofkaido, the little lunatic had made a name for herself by playing all sorts of pranks and jokes. Queen Majesty had found her putting a whoopee cushion on Gusty's chair in the banquet hall hilarious, and Surprise earned herself a position as the royal court jester. She had played an even better prank on that annoying mare Truly, by stealing her boyfriend Tex right out from under her.
Yes, life in the castle had been good. Surprise had even earned herself a student; Tickle, an eager young mare from fort Rainbow Dash. She was learning everything she could from the mistress of comedy, in hopes of one day becoming a jester herself in one of the royal courts of Ponyland.
"Yipe! She's coming after us!" Tickle yelled in a panic, zipping away as Paradise flew up to the balcony. "Run for it, boss!"
Surprise zoomed away through the castle hallways, the other Pegasus in hot pursuit. The other ponies in Dream Castle watched the two speeding white blurrs zip by, shaking their heads and wondering what the little blonde nutball had done this time.
"What's wrong, Paradise?" The first Pegasus giggled, looking back over her shoulder and sticking her tongue out. "Gettin' slow in yer old age?"
"Ohhh, Surprise! I'm gonna get you for this!" Paradise howled, bearing down on the jester with a murderous look in her eye. "I swear I'm gonna rearrange that freaky face of yours!"
"Oh yeah? That's what you think!" The first mare giggled, zipping up to the door of her apartment, and quickly jumping inside. Surprise quickly shut the door, causing Paradise to slam into it with a loud SPLAT!
"Ohhhh, I think my headache, just got worse..." Paradise grumbled, pulling herself up to her hooves, and stumbling away. Behind the door, Surprise was laughing uncontrollably, almost going into hysterics over the epic prank she had just pulled. From over by the window, the husky form of a stallion watched the pretty mare from the shadows.
"Ohhhh boy, let that be a lesson to ya, Paradise!" The white mare giggled, not noticing the shadowy form sneaking up behind her. "No mare in Dream Castle get's the better of Surprise!"
"Maybe no mare can, pardner...." The shadowy form hissed, trotting over towards her. "But y'all think there's a stallion who can get the drop on ya?!"
"Aieeeee!" Surprise cried out, as the earth pony with the cactus cutie mark jumped her, tackling her to the bad. The mysterious stallion then unleashed his deadly tickling attack on the mare, and she began to giggle even more hysterically. "No, Tex, please stop... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!"
"Sorry, little filly, but naow it's time fer me ta play mah little prank on y'all!" Tex grinned, pressing his warm lips against his wife's mouth.
"Mmmmm, this is a neat trick..." She replied playfully, rolling over on top of her husband, wrapping her hooves around his neck. Tex pressed the lower half of his body into hers, even as Surprise wrapped them both in a fluffy cocoon of her white feathery wings....
Yes, Surprise had a good life here in Dream Valley, one that she wouldn't trade for anything in all the world. But something beyond the kingdom's borders would soon challenge this mare's title as the prankiest prankster in all of Ponyland, and drawing her unsuspecting friends into the craziness, would set themall on the wildest and weirdest ride of their pony lives...
The Challenge!
As the first rays of the early morning sun crept into the windows of Surprise's apartment, a spherical ball of white feathers moved on the bed on the other side of the room. It didn't take long for a knock to come at the apartment's door, and a stallion buried under that swirling orb of white feathers finally opened his eyes.
"Surprise? Darlin'? Someone's at the door." Tex said lazily, yawning as he stretched his body slightly. "Y'all should get up and answer it!"
"Mmmmm, don't wanna go..." The white mare pouted, nuzzling up against her mate even tighter, and burying her face into his fuzzy chest. "Tell them to come back later!"
"Surrrrpriiiiise..." He replied in an annoyed tone, rolling his eyes and looking down at her. "It could be important."
"Ugh...fiiiinnne!" She whimpered, pushing out her bottom lip as she retracted her wing cocoon, and climbed off of Tex. Trotting over to the door, she opened it to find a familiar blue unicorn standing in the doorway, looking around excitedly as if she were about to burst.
"Oh hey, Surprise! I didn't know if ya had heard me knock or not!" The twinkle-eyed mare said excitedly, in a hyperactive mode that Surprise would normally be in, as well. "Wow, your mane is a really tangled mess! Guess I kinda got you up kinda early, huh?"
"Hello, Fizzy," The drowsy white Pegasus grumbled, blowing a stand of her blonde mane out of her face. "What can I do for ya?"
"I got exciting news! I mean really really really exciting news!" The hyperactive twinkle-eyed pony exclaimed. "Can you guess how exciting this news is, by how excited I am?"
"No, Fizzy..." Surprise grumbled, rubbing her left eye with her left hoof. "Please, tell me."
"Well, when Lofty brought the mail in today, she brought a letter for you- well, I saw she had a letter, then I took it and told her I give it to you." The blue unicorn droned on and on, holding up the letter. "Anyway, my curiosity got the better of me, and I decided to open in on my way up here, and guess what?!? I read that you've been selected to compete at this year's grand Pinkie Pie Goof-off in Bright Valley! Isn't that awesome?"
"WHAT?!? You're kidding me! Lemme see that!" The white mare's eyes suddenly shot open, as she snatched the letter out of Fizzy's hoof and read it. "Holy Horsemaster, they accepted my application this year! I'm going to the great goof off! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!"
There were now two overly hyper mares hopping around in the hallway, bouncing around and screaming like two fan girls at a Nightshade concert. But all the commotion they were causing, only served to bother the grumbling stallion who was trying to sleep in the bed.
"Would y'all keep it daown over there?" The cowboy pony grumbled, covering his head with his pillow. "Some people are still tryin' ta sleep in heyah!"
"Hey Tex, you're sooooo not going to believe this! I've been selected to perform at the Bright Valley Goof Off!" Surprise replied excitedly, waving the letter over her head. "Can you believe it? I so totally can't believe it! This is so unbelievable that I just can't believe-"
BANG! A loud shot rang out, as a bullet whizzed from the gun-toting stallion in the bed, and shot a big hole straight through the letter Surprise was holding.
"Ummm, on second thought... what don't we just let him sleep?" Fizzy said sheepishly, as the two mares quietly slunk away from the door.
....
"So you're on your way on the Pinkie Pie goof off, huh?" Gusty asked, watching the jester Pegasus pack. "That seems like a really big thrill for a comedian like you."
"Oh, it's more than just a thrill, it's the most AWESOMEST THING EVAR!" Surprise squealed, throwing every rubber chicken, whoopee cushion, pair of chattering teeth, and goggly-eyed spring glasses into a a suitcase, then hopping up and down on it to cram it shut. "The great goof off is a celebration of the laughter than my great-grandma Pinkie Pie brought to ponydom. Every year, the greatest comedians, jesters, pranksters and jokers get together to decide who is the very super-duper best! And every year before this I haven't been invited 'cause the judges think I'm too-"
"-insane?" Gusty added, rolling her eyes. "Good thing you and Tickle are taking Tex and Wind Whistler with ya, otherwise you two'd probably burn Bright Valley to the ground!"
"Yeah, that's why I'm leaving baby Surprise with you and Score." Surprise added, snapping the locks on her suitcase with her wings. "You sure the two of you can handle her antics?"
"Eh, we'll probably have Fizzy around to help, so yeah." Gusty nodded with a laugh. "Besides, we can't be any worse than the time you tried ta dry Baby Surprise after a bath, off by warming her up in the-"
"We... agreed not to talk about that ever again." Surprise replied nervously. "Anyway, just be sure not to give her anything with sugar in it after hive 'o clock... otherwise you'll have a flying fireball on your hooves!"
"Would you just relax!?" Gusty snorted angrily, indignant that her friend thought she couldn't handle a Pegasus filly. "We handle Baby Gusty all the time, I think we can deal with your little basket case!"
"Okay, okay...sorry." Surprise replied with a sigh, picking up her suitcase with her wings. "Well, Steamer's taking us on the next train to Bright valley this evening, so I'd better finish up getting ready to go."
"All right, Surprise! Good luck at the goof off!" Gusty added, trotting towards the door. "But I gotta ask, do you really think you have a chance of winning?"
"Oh, I don't think so..." Surprise snorted, narrowing her eyes as she slipped on a pair of funny mustache glasses. "I know so!"
But even as the friends were saying there goodbyes in the living room, something foul was afoul in the kitchen. Baby Surprise, with no one to watch her at the moment, had flown up to one of the cupboards, and managed to get the door open with her hooves. Looking around the shelves, the little filly managed to spot a giant gallon container that read powdered sugar , that ethier Surprise or Tex had accidentally left open.
"Ohhhhh... yummy!"
Knocking the container over with one of her wings, a stream of white powder began to pour out of the nearly full gallon container. Zipping underneath the flowing sugar, Baby Surprise opened her mouth, and began to guzzle all the flowing sugar into her little, hyperactive body.
"Glug....glug....glug... glug..."
Meanwhile, back in Dream Castle, part one
Meanwhile, back at the castle- Part one
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
A blazing white comet was seen blasting through the halls of Dream Castle, leaving a smoky trail tailing after it. Other ponies rushed and jumped to get out of the way of the fiery equine rocket, which shot down corridors, and up open stairwells. Ponies that were eating thier suppers and going about thier evening chores recieved a rude interruption as the intruder flew in and out of thier apartments faster than lightning. At first, many thought some enemy of ponykind had unleashed a weapon of some sort inside the castle walls. But it was soon discovered that this was a far more terrifying menace of a VERY, very different kind...
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! YEEEEHHHHAAHH! AIN'T NOBODY IS GONNA STOP ME!"
"Fizzy! Hey Fizzy! Where are ya?" Gusty went galloping towards the other mares apartment, a sense of panic hanging around the panicked pony. "Baby Surprise is missing, and I need your help finding' her!"
She banged her hoof frantically on Fizzy's front door, almost knocking it down with the force of her blows. The other unicorn opened it rather quickly, an upset look on her face.
"Oh, ponyfeathers! I knew it was a bad idea to leave that little filly with you!" Fizzy said in a panic, stepping out into the hallway, and looking around with her gemstone eyes.
"Hey, I have my own daughter, ya know!" Gusty protested, stamping her hoof angrily. "Baby Gusty turned out alright!"
"Yeah, after Ribbion and I took care of her most of the time. You tried to dry her off in the dryer after she had a bath, remember?" Fizzy groaned, shaking her head. "Anyway, do you have any idea where Baby Surprise's gone? Where the heck did you see her last?"
"I dunno, it all happened so fast!" Gusty shook her head. "One minute, she was sitting in her high chair, and the next I heard an explosion in the kitchen, and their was this big hole in the wall!"
"Well that obviously couldn't have been the baby!" Fizzy said with a nervous laugh. "I mean who ever herd of a Pegasus smashing through-"
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! LOOK OUT MISS FIZZY!" The voice called out, as the speeding white projectile shot past. "I'M A-COMING THROUGH!"
"B-baby Surprise?!" Fizzy asked, her glass eyes nearly bulging out of her head. "I-I don't believe it, i-is that really you?!"
The white and blonde streak shot past the two unicorns into Fizzy's apartment, smashing into the lamp and knocking over a small table. The little filly then started to bounce off the walls, shooting around the room like a pinball in a machine. Her twinkle eyes going wide with a sense of utter horror, Fizzy finally came to realize excatly what had happened.
"Gusty… you didn't give her anything with a whole bunch of sugar in it, did you?" Fizzy asked, watching the little fireball blast it's way back out into the hallway. "It's really not a good idea to make a Pegasus filly hyper, 'Cause that's how Whizzer acted as a filly when our aunt gave her too many lollypops!"
"Wellll…." The white mare with the autumn leaf cutie mark rolled her eyes in embarassment. "Ya see, there was kinda this open box of sugar that was empty when I first brought her over from Surprise's apartment…"
"SHE'S HAD A WHOLE BOX OF SUGAR?! ARE YOU FLANKING INSANE!?" Fizzy grabbed the other mare and shook her. "Come on, we gotta hurry and catch that filly before she destroys the whole castle!"
The two mares when galloping after the little fireball all over the castle, even as Dream Castle's inheritly bizarre magic got in the way of thier attempts to capture her. Gusty would open a closet, and the little filly would fly in and was thought to be trapped... only to have her fly out of a drawer on the other side of the room. Fizzy jumped into a full bathtub after the hyperactive filly, only to have Baby Surprise pull out the stopper, and causing Fizzy to go down the drain.
"Gusty, help me!" The twinkle-eyed unicorn shrieked. "This little terror's got me- gulb glub glub glub!"
after getting shot around through the castle's daringe and sewer system, Fizzy finally came up through the toilet in Gusty's bathroom.
"Okayyyy... well, that was certainly not a pleasant experience." The now funny-smelling mare grumbled, squirting the foul-tasting water out of her mouth. "That does it, that little ball of hyper is going down!"
The two unicorns waited for her inside the grand gallery, each hiding on ethier side of the enterance as the blazing comet zipped towards them. As Baby Surpise tore past, the mares quickly leapt into action.
"Now Fizzy, grab her!" The two ponies jumped her, only to get dragged along as the hyper comet went tearing on through the castle.
"Oh no! Gusty, I think we're in trouble now!" Fizzy wailed, as they barely hung on with thier hooves. "I don't know how long I can hang on!"
"Hold on, Fizzy! Don't let her get away from us!" The other mare wailed, as the two were pulled every which way by the blazing ball of powdered sugar. "Hold oooooooooonnnnnnnnnn!"
The super-fast rocket then circled around the inside of the castle three times, before flying up towards the central syklight in the throne room. the two breifly hoped that she would stop at the giant overhead window. But they underestimated the power of this ditzy little goofball, as she sddenly shot upward, and smashed though the stain glass above.
"AHHHHHHH!"
"AIEEEEEEEE!
CRASH!
The little filly continued her skyward trajectory, dragging the terrified unicorns along with her, as she streaked off into the great unkown!
"Hey Gusty! Isn't this great! We're gonna be Dream Valley's first ever Astro ponynauts!"
"OHHHH, SHUT UP, FIZZY!"
Hello, Bright Valley!
"Wheeeeee! This is soo much fun!" Surprise called out, her head sticking out the window of the train car, with her tongue hanging out of her mouth. "You should really try this, Wind Whistler!"
"Despite how enticing that may sound, Surprise, I must respectfully decline your offer." Wind Whistler replied sarcastically. "And I really wish you would stop doing that yourself. You look like a canine in an automobile with an open window, and frankly it's rather embarrassing."
Surprise and her friends were riding on the Ponyland Express , chugging it's way hurriedly along the tracks from Dream Valley to Bright Valley. The white Pegasus was, as usual, enjoying things as if she were a little filly again. As the big black iron beast rocketed along the tracks, the other ponies talked amongst themselves about the coming visit.
"Wow, can you actually believe we're going to the grand goof-off?" Tickle asked, looking out the window at the passing countryside in excitement. "Only the most comedic of comedians can participate in this event!"
"Indeed, I still find it difficult to believe that our very own royal jester as been asked to participate." Wind Whistler. "For we all know what happened the last time she was in Bright Valley."
"Awww, thait whole mess with the explodin' snack truck twern't really her fault!" Tex chortled, shaking his mane. "Besaides, them city workers shore loved cleaning them pretzels and caider outta the streets for the followin' coupla weeks!"
"I think they just wanted to give her a fair shake- it's such a big event, after all." Tickle added. "Because whoever is able to impress the judges and make them laugh the hardest, will be crowned the queen of comedy for all of Ponyland!"
"That seems like a most trivial designation to acquire for a pony, but then again causing laughter is not my vocational calling in life." Wind Whistler added, as the train began slowing to a stop. "Hm, it appears we have arrived at our destination."
The three ponies stepped off the train, and were amazed at how the city was all decorated up for the occasion. Banners, bows, and balloons were stuck up everywhere. And ponies were milling about the station, wearing goofy outfits and silly clown noses, and giving the whole thing the atmosphere of a giant party.
"Whooo wheeee! This place looks like a giant gatherin' o' rodeo clowns!" Tex exclaimed, looking at all the ridiculous ponies around them. "I really think y'all are gonna have a whole lotta competition fer thait taitle!"
"Awww, lighten up, cowboy!" Tickle giggled, flexing her wings as two mares in goofy glasses trotted by. "You know Surprise is the queen of comedy, there's no way any other mare is gonna-"
"-she's totally gonna lose to me, is what she's gonna do!" A blue mare with a blonde mane and two mice cutie mark declared, popping up out of nowhere. "There's no one out there who can out wow Woosie, queen of the mice!"
The mare suddenly stood up on her two back hooves, and a six mouse mariachi band suddenly popped out of her mane. They began to play music, and Woosie began to bounce around and dance to the rhythm they were playing.
"Fascinating, a performer whose special talent is controlling a band of pet mice." Wind Whistler commented. "While there are some comedic possibilities that could come out of that, it doesn't feel like to difficult of competition to overcome."
"No, but Tall Tale might be!" A yellow Pegasus with a two giraffe cutie mark zipped in, grinning like a wolf at the four new arrivals. "Say, have you heard about the one about the earth pony who had too much caffeine? She was so quick, she was even fast asleep!"
"Hahahahahahaaaaa!" Tickle giggled, falling over from giggling. "Ohhh, Surprise! You really got a challenge from this comedian!"
"Gee, thanks for the confidence!" Surprise replied, rolling her eyes. "Oh well, at least I still have whoopee cushions in my arsenal!"
"Did someone say WHOOPEE CUSHIONS!?" Another voice called out, as the four ponies stepped forward, a loud TOOOOT coming from under their hooves as they each stepped on small orange bags. "Sorry, doll face, but that's my department!"
"Hey, I know the identity of that stallion; it's Squeezer, the male comedian from Misty Mountain!" Wind Whistler squeaked in shock. "I saw him perform his whoopee cushion act when I was visiting there!"
"But thait ain't right! No males are allowed ta compete in the goof off!" Tex said in disbelief. "So wut the hay is he doin' here?!"
"Oh, just here to cheer on my favorite mare performers!" The stallion replied snarkily. "And also ta show ya the other reason I'm called 'Squeezer'!"
Suddenly, the sly stallion slipped behind the two mares.
PINCH!
"OW!"
PINCH!
"HEY!"
Both Surprise and Wind Whistler felt a sharp pain, as a hoof squeezed their behind. Squeezer then fell over, beating his hoof on the ground, and laughing hysterically.
"Yep, I definitely think those melons are ripe!" The stallion laughed, before getting up and galloping away.
"Splendid, not only do we have to deal with other mentally-deranged comedians here," Wind Whistler grumbled, rubbing her sore flank "but we also have a pervert!"
"Why, thait ornery little-!" Tex snorted angrily. "I'll go after him, an' rearrange thait hombre's ugly face!"
"Nah, Tex... let him go." Surprise told her husband. "After all, he's just another pain in the butt!"
The three ponies continued onward, trotting out into the town itself. The decorations and balloons were even more festive out here, especially around the statue of Pinkie Pie on the town square.
"Surprise, observe the situation on Pinkie Pie square!" Wind Whistler noted. "They have decorated the statue of your ancestor all up in a very festive manner!"
"Yeah, boss! Your family must be proud!" Tickle giggled, gazing up at the statue all decked out in a clown's outfit. "Your entire family must be really proud!"
"Oh yeah, you know it!" The white Pegasus grinned, strutting her stuff in front of the monument. "We have a loooong history of making ponies laugh, and I'm gonna do that tradition proud, right here!"
"Well you'd better do it proud on punctuality, or we're going for check in with the comedy committee!" Wind Whistler noted, looking at her hoof watch. "You and Tickle better head over to the Popcorn theater, and Tex and I'll go get us checked in at the hotel."
"Okay Windy, see ya back here in an hour!" Surprise and Tickle zipped off, leaving the others behind. "And you two better not do anything funny while I'm away!"
The other two ponies rolled their eyes at their wacky friend, and started on their way towards the hotel. But even as the group spread apart, a pair of eyes from the crowd was watching them in anger.
"So ya think y'all gonna make everybody heyah laugh, huh?" A slight snarl came into her low voice. "Well, when ahm done with y'all, the only thang you'll wanna do is cry! "