Red vs Blue: The Ponyville Chronicles

by overlord-flinx

Rating: mature
Tags: Adventure, Big Macintosh, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Sad, Main 6, Other, Spike, Comedy
Length: 9173

It's red vs red, and blue vs blue, it's I against I, and Pony against fool. Why not?

Post the conquest of the Changeling Empire multiple bases have been placed all across the world for the safety of all pony life. Somehow, a civil war has broken out between pony life, and thus the Red and Blue team were made. Each fighting for what they want, each trying--
Alright, the punchline is that this is stupid. Based on the popular Machinima "Red Vs Blue", join our own pony friends as they go through a twisted universe of epic tales, battles, and foul language. A universe where no pony knows each other... Or do they?!
I guarantee, everpony who's anypony will be in this story... But that MIGHT not be a good thing.

Pre: Red Vs Blue: Out of Mare

(I'll write up a complete list if anyone wants. For now, I'm thinking surprises.)

Red Team-
Grif: Big Mac
Simmons: Spike
Sarge: Applejack
Lopez: Zecora
Donut: Fluttershy

Blue Team-
Church: Twilight Sparkle
Tucker: Rainbow Dash
Caboose: Breaburn
Sheila: Fleur-de-lis

Published 2012-04-24 21:34:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-08 16:13:47 UTC

Part 1: Why are we here?

Everfree Forest, Pony Gulch One. Not much can be said about this dismal, poor excuse for a territory; only that for as long as the two oppositions stationed in the clearing of where Ponyville once stood, they have always fought. A battle as old as time itself; South against the north, waves against the stone, fire against water, Red versus blue. History has always provided such ample clashes of opposites. The only difference this was that this time, this conflict was completely, utterly, and absolutely pointless in every conceivable way.

In the large clearing between the circle of dank, dark woods was only the rolling hills of what once was inhabited Ponyville, which had been wiped clean of any structures except for two stone bases that looked almost identical in everyway. But, they were very different. Only an idiot could not see the difference between these structures. You see, one had red flags hanging from it while the other had blue. Each was stationed as far as they could be in this gulch; red taking the west, and blue capitalizing the east.

For the longest time, this war zone was a stallion only zone; a manly place for only the manly. But, that was quickly dashed when fillies and mares began to outranked and prove far more competent than any of the stallions… if only by a small margin. Since then, Pony Gulch One had quickly become a female dominated area… and no one was complaining.

This day, nothing was any different then any other day. The sun was high, the wind was dead, and as always, no one was doing a single thing. At Red Base, they awaited the return of their commander with what news came from command. But until then, Private First Class Spike and Private Big Macintosh –Mac for short- stood atop their base with Spike leaning his back against one of the stone walls. Moments passed with relative silence except for the chirps of the birds that hid inside the Everfree forest; no one ever looked for those birds since it was the only thing that kept them from absolute silence. It was in this constant silence that Spike looked to Big Mac with his bored green eyes and his arms crossed in front if his maroon breast plate. “Hey…”

Big Mac, as if waking from a deep slumber, snapped his eyes to attention to his dragon partner, “Yeah?”

“Do you ever –I don’t know- wonder why we’re here?”

For a short silence, Big Mac looked up to the sky with a serious look, as if delving into his thoughts, “That’s one ah’ life’s great mysteries, huh?” He turned his face back to Spike at this, “Why are we here?” now, he turned his whole self to his much smaller dragon friend, “"I mean, are we a product of... don't know, some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God, watchin’ everythin’? One with plans fer’ us and all that.” Again, his eyes drifted off to look at the vast land before him, “don’t know, Spike, but keeps me up a’ night…”

The words sunk into the two of them for some time before Spike gave a chuckle. “What?”

“Huh?” Big Mac replied.

“I meant, why are we out here, in the middle of a forest?” Big Mac gulped and looked away from Spike with a fluster, “What’s all this about God?”

“They were nothin’…” quickly dismissed Big Mac.

Spike gave a shrug and looked off into the distance for a second before looking back with a raised brow, “you wanna talk about it?”

“Nnnope…”

“…You sure?”

“Eeeeyup, I’m sure.”

Sure enough that Big Mac wasn’t in the mood to speak so much right now, Spike decided to work off his own conversation. “But really. Why are we here? The way I look at it, we’re in the middle of a forest, in an empty clearing, with nothing good about it.”

Big Mac grunted a little to show that he was listening.

“When you think about it, we only have a Red Base here is because there’s a Blue Base over there,” pointing one of his claws over to the distance, he continued, “And they only have a Blue Base is because we have a Red Base right here.”

Big Mac must’ve gathered his nerves again, because he looked at Spike. “We’re fightin’ them, right?”

“Well, yeah. But what if we all just left and the blues stayed? They’d steal our base and then they would have two bases here… in the middle of nowhere,” twirling a single claw, Spike frowned, “Yippy…”

“Yeah,” Big Mac agreed, “I signed myself up so I could fight some changelin’s. But before ah’ can even get shipped off ‘fer a fight, Queen Chrysalis goes and get’s herself destroyed and gets me stuck here in the middle of nowhere…”

Clearly, this recognizance wasn’t going anywhere so Private Twilight Sparkle of Blue Team laid her sniper riffle next to her laying body while she was sitting inside the cover of one of the outlining trees. She could’ve taken a shot at the Reds while their defenses were lowered, but even she knew the likeliness of her hitting anything what any sort of gun was as likely as the moon rolling Equestria over. If anything, the sniper was only good for a telescope in her hooves.

Behind her, fluttering softly in the air was Private First Class Rainbow Dash, clearly bored as no other, “What’re they doing?”

Begrudgingly, Twilight looked up with a sigh, “…What?”

“I asked what’re they doing,” Rainbow Dash said again, this time reaching for Twilight’s sniper only to have Twilight jerk it away with a snarl.

“God damn you Dash!” Twilight cursed, flinching at her own word for a second, “I’m tired of answering that question!” Twilight hissed while snapping her eyes away, sure that if she didn’t, she would only get even more angry.

“Hey! Don’t get snippy with me!” Rainbow Dash snapped back, resting her back against the trunk of the tree they hid in, “You’re the one with the feathering riffle, I can’t see squat! Don’t go bitching at me because I don’t feel like flying behind you and bucking myself all day!”

Twilight only snarled in displeasure, but rolled her eyes as she looked back at the aqua blue armored foal. “Look, they’re just… standing there. That’s it. They always just stand there. They never do anything, they never have done anything, and quite frankly I’d put money on that they never will do anything! All they ever do is just-just… talk! That’s it…”

For sometime after Twilight’s rage, the two feel into a quiet moment. But, perhaps out of curiosity or just to spite her partner, Rainbow Dash spoke up. “What’re they talking about?”

“…I bucking hate you…” Twilight cursed as she slammed her face into the tree branch below her head.

Part 2: Package a Pony.

Moments went by with both the red and blue teams remaining quiet; or rather as quiet as the reds and blues could ever be. However, for Spike and Big Mac their small talk continued on with Twilight Sparkle returning to watching them through her scope. “I’m not tryin’ to say it’s a waste…” Big Mac said, “but we could be usin’ all these tools and such for more useful things… like findin’ other species that we can beat.”

“That’s what I’m saying. This is why the two of us should be in charge. We’re not getting anywhere with—“ But Spike quickly bit his tongue before he could finish that thought.

It was a bad idea to ever speak about the sergeant, Big Mac knew that better then anyone as well as Spike. Just then, a sound of hooves clapping against the grassy knolls that surrounded the base drew both of the soldiers’ attentions to the ground bellow. “Speakin’ of the sergeant…” Big Mac mumbled as the unmistakable blond hair and red armor of their commanding officer came to his sight.

Tipping the cowpony hat dawned upon her head, Sergeant Applejack looked up to her subordinates with a cheerful smile, “What’re you ladies doin’ up there? Get yer’ flanks down here and welcome me!” she called to them.

The two sighed and started their way down the stone ramp that had been built from the roof to the battle field bellow. “Comin’ sis…” Big Mac assured his little sister.

“Now Big Mac, what did I say about callin’ me sis on the field?” Applejack taunted, still looking relatively cheery.

“Sorry, Sarge…” Spike chuckled a little at Big Mac’s slight awkwardness of the response.

“Now that’s better,” Applejack nodded, seeing that her two comrades where standing before her. “Well… bet’cha wonderin’ why I called the two of y’all down, right?”

Spike and Big Mac exchanged confused looks at each other before Spike perked a brow up at Applejack. “I thought you called us down to welcome you?” Spike assumed with Big Mac nodding.

“Naa, that’d be just plain stupid… Any of ya’ wanna guess what news I got for ya’?” Applejack played with them teasingly.

“Uh…” her big brother sighed with a shrug of his hefty orange armored shoulders, “Is it that the war is over and we can all go home?” he asked in a somewhat hopeful tone.

For the first time, Applejack’s expression fell flat into a disapproving frown. “Yeah, Mac. That’s it. War’s over, we won, and yer’ the hero…”

“Hey, I thought you said you never lied?” Spike pointed out.

“Ain’t no lie. Just saying a future statement in the present,” Applejack replied back as her smile returned and returned a look to her brother, “Now I know we’ve been here awhile… ‘bout four years next month. But fer’ once, I got some good news from Command.”

Both Spike and Big Mac looked less then enthusiastic about that. Like Applejack said, they have been here together for around four years with little to no action ever happening except the days when an Ursa would wander across the battlefield. But even then those were so slim they could count them on Spike’s claws. “So, I want you two to fix up the base an’ make up a new bed, ‘cause we’re getting a new couple of hooves around here,” Applejack informed them.

It was Big Mac that was first to react to this news. “A new recruit? Well that ain’t too bad.”

“Is it a boy or a girl?” Spike pressed hopefully; preying to whatever god there was that would finally give him a female dragon here.

“Ya’ know?” Applejack tapped her chin with some thought, “they di’n’t say… set up for either. I’m personally hopin’ for a pegasus or a unicorn. Those dirty blues over there already own the sky and the fire power, we need ta’ even out,” Applejack frowned for a moment after shooting a dirty look over to the blue base, “Anywho…” looking back, she smiled again, “speakin’ uh’ fire power… Zecora! Bring it in!”

Rolling over one of the hills before red base came a fairly bulky truck with a striped pony working the mechanism in the front to pull it along. Zecora parked it beside Applejack before stripping the straps on her back and dislodging her hooves from the pumps, taking her spot beside her leader. “Ladies, say hello to our new best friend… well, Mac’s since Spike can’t work the controls.”

“Aw man…” Spike grumbled.

“Don’t fret. This thing is outfitted with a mounted machine gun tailor made for a fella’ with fingers. Lucky you Spike,” Spike brightened up before Applejack went back into explaining the vehicle. “This filly comes with all the bells and whistles too. Four inches of armor plating, some kinda’ suspension, and suited fer’ one driver, one gunner, and one passenger. Say hello to the M12-LRV… I call it the Draconequus.”

Everypony eyed the vehicle up and down, marveling at the first real wonder they’ve had in the longest time; leaving Spike off to the side with a ponder about him. “…Why Draconequus?”

Applejack looked back to Spike and sighed, “’Cause M12-LRV is a mouthful and Draconequus is a bit easier to say… Plus it sounds fierce.”

“Yeah… but it seems a bit too small to be fierce, Si—Sarge,” Big Mac added while prodding at one of the control peddles.

Applejack became a little irritated by these comments, evident by her growing scowl. “Fine. What should we call it?”

“I don’t know… how about Bucker?” Big Mac suggested.

“…Mac, yer’ supposed to give it an animal name… not an action,” Applejack pointed out sternly.

“Yeah. I mean. Why not just go all the way and call it the Runner?” Spike added.

Big Mac shook his head, “No. Ya’ see, Bucker works ‘cause of the powerful gun and its strong body.”

“Then wouldn’t a tank be more fitting for that name?”

Applejack agreed with Spike as she gave her brother a smirk, “How about we go even further? Let’s call it the Hammer?”

Both Applejack and Spike began to laugh while Big Mac frowned and Zecora remained blank with silence.

Struggling in the tree they had hidden in to see what the red team was up to, Rainbow Dash tried to snatch the sniper away from Twilight. “Let me see, let me see!” Rainbow Dash whined while Twilight kept her at leg’s distance from her, still looking through the scope.

“Look, I’ll explain it to you. Just be quiet before they notice us!” Twilight snapped in a relative hush. Rainbow Dash agreed and sat back against the tree, waiting for a description. “Alright… let’s see… Uh-huh… Yeah, it looks like they’ve got some kind of truck… Looks serious,” Twilight gently put her sniper down and started to get up, “we better head back and report this.”

“Woah, woah, woah!” Rainbow Dash quickly pushed Twilight back into her position and have her the sniper back. “Car? They have a car? Come on!”

Twilight rolled her eyes and put the sniper back down, giving Rainbow Dash a disappointed side glance. “What are you complaining about? Command is sending us a tank.”

Scoffing, Rainbow Dash put her arms into a fold in front of her aqua armor. “Psh, can’t pick up colts in a car…”

“Oh- What? You know, you just have this amazing ability to just bitch and moan about everything, don’t you?” Twilight snapped, “We’re about to get a tank, a vehicle mechanically superior to any kind of car, and all you can think about is getting colts? What kind of colt are you planning on getting around here?” Rainbow Dash gestured to the red base, particularly Big Mac, only to get a sharp slap on the hoof by Twilight, “That doesn’t count! Besides… I think he’s with that red armor pony. And you know what? What kind of colts are you planning to pick up with a truck like that?”

“…What kind of car is it?” Rainbow asked after some time.

Her patiants getting far too tested, Twilight looked through her scope again. “I have no idea. I’m no vehicle expert…” she grumbled to herself while fixing on the truck, “I can’t put my hoof on it… but if I had to guess, it looks something that packs a strong kick to it.”

“…Like a Bucker?”

“Yeah, that’s it.” Twilight nodded and put her rifle down once more, getting very tired of pressing her cobalt armor to the branch of the tree.

“’Right, ‘right,” Applejack wiped a single tear from her eye and pushed her back up against their new truck back at Red Base, “Unless anypony—Sorry, anyone…” remembering Spike’s species, Applejack corrected herself, “has any objections, we’re stickin’ with the name draconequus. That alright with you, Macintosh?”

“Eeeyup…” her brother answered in defeat.

“Yer’ sure? We could still call it the Tackler.”

“It’s fine…”

“Killer?”

“Really, it’s alright.”

“Crawler?”

“What about Dancer?” Spike joined in.

“Don’t help Spike…” Big Mac warned.

“Slasher!” Applejack shouted out suddenly.

“Come on y’all…” Big Mac moaned painfully, trying his best not to put his hoof to his face.

“Spike, what’s that action that lions do on their meat?”

“Pouncing?”

“Yeah. How ‘bout that, Mac? Pouncer? Kinda has a n ice ring to it.”

Part 3: Recruit to Boot

This was her big chance. A new area, some new sights –even though she was told Pony Gulch One wasn’t much for looks- to take in, and a whole new Red Team which meant a whole new batch of team mates. The Command drop ship had dropped her off to the side of her new Red Base since she refused to fly a small distance over a “dangerous battle field”. Never the less, she was here, and she was more then ready to make a great first impression.

The pegasus heard some chatter on the top of the Red Base, so she moved her way up the ramp and saw two others standing off to the side. The two failed to notice her presence, completely consumed in their riveting conversation. “I’m just saying it seems a little weird to me,” Spike said to Big Mac, leaning on his usual spot.

“I don’t know Spike. Why would we even have dragons in an army in the firs’ place?” Big Mac asked back.

“My point exactly. I’m the only dragon here. And that’s pretty suspicious if you ask me. I mean, if they’re going to keep a dragon around, they could at least keep one female dragon around for—“

“E-Excuse me?” the new pegasus softly called for attention.

Given how meek and soft she called, it was a wonder how Spike and Big Mac noticed she was behind them. Spike immediately went red in the face, cursing his would-be-words when he saw not only a new face but a female one at that. Big Mac on the other hand moved closer and bowed his head to her graciously. “Welcome, little lady. Ya’ need somethin’?”

“Oh, yes. I was told to report here at Red Base in Pony Gulch One and speak to your leader… if that’s alright with you?” she said even meeker then before.

“Well then sorry little filly,” Big Mac chuckled a little bit, “The sergeant is out at Command gettin’ orders. Ain’t no pony is charge right now.”

“Yeah,” Spike smiled and walked over to the others, “No pony is in charge. But Applejack said I could handle anything that happens at the base while she’s gone.”

“Wait, what?” Big Mac stammered, “My sis left you in charge? But-but—“

“Sorry, she said you could be in charge next time we get a new recruit,” Spike added, both knowing full well that they wouldn’t be getting a new recruit anytime soon. “So, let’s get down to it. Tell us about yourself rookie.”

The new recruit scrambled to a salute, nearly leaving a bruise on her forehead with the force she used. “Private Fluttershy reporting for duty sirs,” putting on her best war-face which wasn’t too far from a kitten staring down it’s own reflection, she added, “I’m ready to do my duty.”

Big Mac seemed very pleased with the introduction while Spike was trying to halt a laugh from the use of the word ‘duty’. “Ignore ‘im. Mind if I ask you a few things?” Big Mac questioned, receiving a simple shake of Fluttershy’s head as a response, “First, yer’ lookin’ a bit… small… to be on the battle field. And ya’ might need a change in armor.”

Fluttershy looked over herself, taking note of the red armor coating her torso and upper limbs. “W-what’s wrong with it? Isn’t this the slandered issue?”

“Sure is… for recruits and officers,” the large stallion informed her, “and seein’ how yer’ not wearing a cowpony hat, yer’ not an officer,” joking, Spike and Big Mac both chuckled a little.

“Oh… well, then why is he wearing red?” Fluttershy said while pointing a hoof at Spike.

“This? No, this is maroon armor… huge difference,” Spike pointed out with a flick of one of his claws to the plating.

“I see… so how do I get a different color?”

“Lot’s of ways,” Spike put a claw on Fluttershy’s side and smiled, “you could—“
…

Over on the other side of the clearing, completely ignoring their new recruit in favor of the massive tank that was stationed before them, the Blue Team admired their new toy.

“So I say to the fella’ ’this thing is mighty large, how ya’ gonna get it down to the surface?’ Then he said, ‘just drop it from the drop ship, these tanks are built to last.’ Well that just surprised me right there, so I said ‘t’aint gonna be fair when we use this filly to mow us down some enemies’!” the new recruit, Private Breaburn, laughed away in his cheerful mood.

“New guy,” Twilight called out without looking away from her tank.

“Yes ma’am?”

“You’re ruining my moment here.”

“Sorry, I’ll zip it up now.”

A sharp grin grew across Twilight’s face as she ran a hoof against the metal exterior of the tank. “You want to know something? I could blow the whole bucking world with this beautiful thing…”

This new girl seemed really nice, but comparing her to the silent Zecora and headstrong Applejack the bar had already been set pretty low. But, tradition was tradition, and it was time for Spike to start it up. “Fluttershy, could you do us a huge favor?”

A smile crossed Big Mac’s face, knowing well enough it was time for the traditional initiation gag. “Eeyup, we need you to do us a favor.”

“Of course. I’d be happy to help out,” Fluttershy eagerly accepted.

“Great, we need you to the store and pick up some Elbow Grease. About two holds should do it,” Spike explained, trying his best not to laugh.

“While yer’ at it, pick up some Headlight Fluid for the Bucker, too.” Big Mac quickly added.

The recruit pegasus looked confused at that one, “The Bucker?”

“He means the Draconequus; our truck,” Spike corrected.

“You know the way to the store, right rookie?” Big Mac pressed.

“Oh, of course. I saw it on my way in,” Fluttershy bluffed, both knowing that there wasn’t a store within miles of this clearing.

“Then don’t let us hold you up. Go on,” at Spike’s words Fluttershy took off down one of the ramps and started running off in one direction.

“Other way!” Big Mac got one last jab of fun it with a shout to their scrambling recruit.

Fluttershy almost tripped over her own legs when she turned around and started off into another direction. “I-I knew that. I just wanted to go the long way around, that’s all.” She called back, trying to cover her embarrassingly red face while disappearing over the rolling hills.

“…Why didn’t she fly?” Spike asked once he was sure she was far enough away to talk.

“No clue. Maybe she’s one of them ‘Earth pegasus’. Has wings but doesn’t use ‘em.” Big Mac tried to assume.

“Oh well, doesn’t matter. She has wings and the rest of us don’t, that gives us more of an edge now…” for a few moments, the two boys fell into a silence. “…How long do you think it’ll take her to make it back?”

“Give her an hour… three tops.”

Halfway through the clearing, Fluttershy came to a stop and sat herself down for a breather. With a soft smile she leaned back into the grassy field. “Elbow Grease? It’s so silly it must be some sort of rite of passage for new ponies…” with a wipe of sweat from her brow, she sat up, “fake or not, I still better hurry so I can get that Headlight Fluid…”

Finally getting her own chance to marvel at the tank, Rainbow Dash gave a nod. “You know? Buck what I said. Colts love tanks! We already scored one in under ten seconds. We could probably score two or three at a time with this baby.”

“Rainbow, what could we do with two colts at a time… much less three,” Twilight asked with a groan.

“Oh please. Stallions are like Harmony: you can never get too much of it inside you.”

“Dash! That’s disgusting!” Twilight gagged while Rainbow Dash continued to stroke and admire her new colt magnet.

“You think that was a little mean?” Spike thought out loud back at Red Base.

“Nnnnope… It’s tradition. She’ll make it back before supper. I mean, honestly. What could go wrong ‘round here?”

Huffing a little bit from her trek, Fluttershy made it up the final mound and looked off over at the stone structure. “I made it… now to get that headlight fluid… Oh! They sell tanks here? This store has everything!”

Blue Base had started to calm down and Twilight opted to introduce Breaburn to Rainbow Dash, who was more then happy to accept a male into their numbers. They had gathered around their tank and decided to just take in a moment of peace for once. “Team… I’ll let you all in on a little secret,” Twilight stretched and put her front legs behind her head in relaxation, “I’ve got somepony back home… a special somepony.” She said in an almost dreamy fashion.

“Really?” Rainbow Dash scoffed, a wicked smile crossing her face, “boyfriend or husband?”

“Uh…” Twilight hesitated on her answer, “let’s not get into specifications… bottom line; we got engaged, I get shipped out to Blue Base here, we haven’t seen each other since.”

“Seems a bit off,” Breaburn shrugged casually, “back home, the fillies stay home and cook up the grub while the colts go out and provide.”

“…Are you saying I should be a stay-at-home-mare?” Twilight cocked a brow, irritation heavy in her voice.

“No, I think he’s calling you too wimpy to be a soldier,” Rainbow Dash interjected with a mischievous smirk.

“You know what? Doesn’t matter. See, I could relax here and let you bad mouth me all day, but it turns out I have some jobs for you to do.”

Breaburn saluted excitedly at this. “What’s it, boss?”

“First, don’t call me boss… Second, we have this big time general that comes by time to time. So I’m going to have you wait inside the base for the general at the flag. Make sure to stand at attention so it doesn’t look like your slacking off. That makes us all look bad. Do you want us to look bad?”

“No, ma’am!”

“Then get to it,” Twilight dismissed.

“Wait… When’ll this general be around?”

“We never know,” Twilight said in a fake mystic voice, “could be today, could be tomorrow, it could even be next month.”

“Hold it. Ya’ want me to stand at attention by a flag for a month without end?” Breaburn said with surprise.

“Woah, you don’t sound too happy about this. This is a pivotal job for the entire base. You’ll be in charge of our image and our flag. Who could ask for more?”

Scratching the back of his hat wearing head, Breaburn nervously frowned. “What’s so great ‘bout a flag?”

“Jeez, don’t they teach you recruits anything these days?” Rainbow Dash joined in, starting to get tired of this guy herself.

“Nothin’ ‘bout no flag. What’s so great about it?”

“Well… you know…” Twilight began to fumble on her own words as she tried to think, “It’s…the flag… Rainbow, explain it to him.”

Rainbow looked to Twilight surprised, but quickly took hold of what to do, “It’s complicated, alright?” She said flatly, “the flag is blue, we’re blue.”

“It’s important, got it? Just trust me on this. The general will come by, and the first thing he’ll want to do is make sure the flag is up to code or something… so get to it.” Twilight tried to dismiss Breaburn again.

Breaburn sighed but knew that if the mission was important, he should get it done. So, he turned towards the base but stopped with a look back to his team. “So I know… how will I know it’s the commander?”

“The Commander will be the one not wearing armor like us… who else would be dressed like that?” Rainbow Dash informed.

“Now get going. And don’t dare come out until it’s done!” Twilight shouted, sending Breaburn into a quick bolt into the base without a sound. “I swear, this guy is more annoying then you, Dash.”

“No, what you mean is more annoying then you.” Rainbow quipped back.

“Bravo. That was the greatest comeback ever…”

Breaburn, poking his head out from the base, put on a sheepish smile. “Uh, Twilight, ma’am?”

“Oh… my… god…” Twilight started to seethe with red hot rage, “WHAT?!”

“I didn’t mean ta’ call ya’ wimpy—“

“For the sake of God! Shut up, Rookie! JUST SHUT UP AND GET BACK IN THE BASE! YOU’RE DRIVING ME UP A BUCKING WALL!” Twilight screamed, straining every fiber of her throat. Rainbow Dash snickered for a second before getting the brunt of Twilight’s sharp eyes. “Dash, are you laughing at me?”

“No, no, I’m not laughing at you. Honest,” Rainbow Dash promised.

With a sigh, Twilight started to defuse. “I swear… if that rookie comes back one more time… I can’t be held responsible of what I may or may not do to him!”

Her winged partner gave her a light pat on the shoulder. “No biggie. Just chill out and relax. Here, I think this tank has some sort of radio or something. Let’s crank up some tunes and forget all this,” Rainbow Dash attempted to reason, slipping one leg into the cockpit and flipping the radio on to blaring loud music.

As the two began to sink into their music and relaxing by their tank, Fluttershy came up from one of the hills and looked her surrounds over. “”Hmmmm… oh!” she looked over at the two blue soldiers and gave a soft look, “they seem busy… I’ll just go inside and let them be…”

With a quick scurry as quiet as she could, Fluttershy slipped into the base and was faced with Breaburn standing with his arm pressed to his forehead. “Yer’ here a lot sooner then I thought… and a lot more feminine,” Breaburn admitted.

“Oh, I’m sorry…” whimpered Fluttershy.

“N-No, it’s fine! Ya’ need somethin’?”

“Yes, thank you. Could I have some headlight fluid?”

“Sorry,” Breaburn looked around and gave a disappointed look, “Don’t think we got any of that…”

“Oh darn it… I’m going to look so silly coming back with nothing to show for the trip…” Fluttershy pouted.

Breaburn bit his lip, starting to feel like he did something wrong; until he looked at his team flag. “Here. Take this with ya’,” taking the shaft of the flag into his mouth he slid the bottom of it into a slot on Fluttershy’s armor, “that should cover fer’ any trouble.”

“Thank you very much,” Fluttershy brightened up and quickly skipped out of the base and into the rolling field.

Back outside, Twilight strokes the head of her new tank’s cannon while Rainbow Dash turned the radio off. “I think we’ve had enough time to ogle this baby… let’s start her up, Rainbow.”

“Huh? Me? I can’t drive a tank!”

“Wait, you’re not Armor Certified?”

“I don’t even know how to use a bucking sniper! Don’t you know how to use the tank?”

“Not even close!” Twilight snapped, rubbing her hooves to her temple, “Honestly, who’s running this army?”

“The same crackpots that think Blue is a good army name…”

Just then Breaburn came bounding out from the base with a broad smile. “Twiligh’ ma’am. The general just stopped by and picked up our flag! Just thought I’d let y’all know.”

Mumbling her returning loathing, Twilight took a sharp look back. “Thanks! Whatever. Again, why would they give us a tank we have no hope of—wait… what did he just say?”

Part 4: The Package in the Open.

Things had only gone from bad to worse atop Blue Base with Rainbow Dash pacing around anxiously and Twilight Sparkle checking out over the vacant field with her sniper propped against one of the stone walls. “So…” Twilight shot a deathly glare back at Breaburn who was fiddling with his hooves in worry, forcing him to take a gulp at the harsh look, “you just up and gave that red our flag. Do I have that right?”

“Well… define gave?” Breaburn tried to joke.

“What? Bad? Noooo…” Twilight said with heavy sarcasm, “It’s not bad at all. In fact, how about next time she comes over, you just give her all our grenades to shove up our tank’s gun!? And while you’re at it, how about you help her blow our base to Cloudsdale!?”

“Stop whining you two, I see her,” Rainbow Dash informed them, pointing a single hoof at a distant yellow shape with red lining.

“Sighted,” Twilight confirmed as she locked her sniper on the running pegasus before she ducked out behind a small build of rocks, “she’s using the rocks as cover, I can’t get a lock on her.”

Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes at this and thought aloud, “A pegasus that won’t fly and is still able to avoid us? We’re dealing with one bad mother bucker here…”

“Okay, okay…” Fluttershy used the faces of the rocks to level out her flag as she tried to gain her bearings. “I remember seeing this on the way out from the base; I’m sure of it…”

Getting a lock on her target once more, Twilight put her sniper down in anger. “That armor… It’s sergeant red. Take a look Dash.”

Sure enough, the rainbow pegasus looked but didn’t look to convinced. “Well yeah. But doesn’t their sergeant wear a cowpony hat and have a blond mane?”

“You saw they just got a new vehicle. Commands are known to never send high grade supplies without a new recruit with them. Case and point, Buck-Face back there came with our tank,” Twilight said with a careless gesture to Breaburn, “they could’ve received a unicorn that specializes with disguises or the power to alter another ponies appearance… Either way, that would explain how she manager to get passed us.”

“No offence,” Breaburn spoke up, “but weren’t the two of ya’ playin’ loud music and not lookin’ ta’ the entrance that she used?”

“We’re not pointing at anypony here, alright?” Rainbow Dash snapped since she knew he was right. “Let’s just shoot her dead and get our flag back.”

“Fair enough…” Twilight tucked her rifle under one of her legs and began to aim the scope at her target as close as she could. Her left hoof clicked into the pump trigger and readied to kick it foreword as she fixed onto the back of the yellow mare’s head. “Sayonara, sergeant…” with a click and a quick cocking push Twilight unloaded four shots at her target; each of which made not even a graze to any inch of the target. From this, even Rainbow Dash had become silent along with Breaburn as they looked at their would-be-leader.

“…The sun was in my eyes…” Twilight muttered as if to convince herself, but gave a sharp look back as she felt her team looking at her, “What?”

“You suck at this,” Rainbow Dash scoffed with a laugh.

“At least I have a rifle!”

Thankfully for Fluttershy she didn’t need to strain herself too much to dodge the bullets from behind her. “Oh my…” Fluttershy shivered and looked back at the ‘store’ she was just at, judging the direction of the bullets as coming from there, “E-Excuse me?” she yelled to them, using the blue flag as a means to draw attention to her with light wavers, “Could you not shoot at me? I’m the one who bought this flag? Well… not so much bought… more of bartered for it. Well… it wasn’t really bartering either… I guess in some way—“

The Blue team couldn’t understand a word she was saying, but they could tell she was taunting them with their own flag. “You see that? She’s t-bagging us now!” Rainbow Dash growled, forgetting the initial meaning of ‘t-bagging’ but being too embarrassed to care.

“Enough dancing around the confirmation,” Twilight grew stern as she put her sniper down once more and getting up to all four and meeting her team’s eyes, “Dash and I will take the teleporter and cut her off at the pass. Breaburn, you stay here and hold the fort… Try not hocking out stuff off to anyone this time.”

“You got it, ma’am,” Breaburn struck a salute.

“Good… are you all ready, Dash?” Twilight asked while strapping her rifle into and against her armor’s back.

“I can fly… I’ll just fly my way over there,” Rainbow Dash offered.

“That will only give away our position. Come on. These teleporters are absolutely safe. Why else would they give us them if they didn’t work?” Twilight tried to reassure her partner.

“The same dick-mules that give a tank to ponies that don’t know how to drive it?”

“We’ve already run preliminaries on it…”

“Preliminaries?” Rainbow Dash grew distressed and pointed a front leg at a distant boulder resting out by the side of their base, “We threw Tom through it!”

“That’s right. And Tom came out perfectly fine, didn’t he? That in itself means it works,” Twilight noted, ignoring Breaburn’s confused expression at the mention of a ‘Tom’.

“Tom was steaming and covered and black gunk when he came out… took me hours to get him back here and clean him off.”

“Oh. I see now… the pieces have all come together,” Twilight shook her head in disappointment, “You can’t stand the color black.”

“…Yes. That’s it. You’ve got me. I hate the color black,” dryly replied Rainbow Dash.

With a sigh, Twilight’s horn started to shimmer. “I almost hate to do this to you, Dash…”

A soft light began to encase Rainbow Dash, prompting the pegasus to give a dark look to her horned team mate. “You wouldn’t dare…”

“This happening one of two ways at this point,” Twilight tipped her head to the teleporter, moving Rainbow Dash towards it with the aid of her magic, “Either A: we both walk through this portal and get our flag back. Or B: I toss you through and leave you to be the gun fodder while I come in after you. A win-win in my opinion.”

Slow as it took, Rainbow Dash gave a groan into her defeat and nodded, prompting Twilight to put her back down. “Just so we’re clear… Tom isn’t a pony… he’s a rock. Rocks aren’t ponies.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Now go.” Twilight threatened Rainbow Dash with her horn again.

“Son of a—Whatever…” without another word, Rainbow Dash charged through the portal and fizzled away.

The two remaining ponies remained silent while watching the field before them. “…She didn’t come out yet…” Breaburn noted.

“An interesting development to be sure… but one I won’t be exploring myself,” Twilight admitted quickly as she darted down the stone ramp of the base and onto the open battlefield. “Like I said before. Stay here. Don’t lose our stuff. And for the love of god, don’t do anything stupid!”

Breaburn watched as his one remaining team mate charge across the field and after their flag. However so, his mind could only drift to one thing. “…What’s a Tom?”

Back at Red Base, Big Mac was ducking behind one of the stone guards on top of their base and Spike had decided to do the same, but with unsure reasoning. “Maybe it’s just your pony ears, because I didn’t hear any gun shots.”

“Ah’ know what ah’ heard,” Big Mac sighed, taking his sniper out from the clutch on his back and stationing it to scope out the area, “four shots. Bam, bam, bam…”

“…Bam.” Big Mac gave Spike a confused look at that, “you missed one.”

“Wait…” Big Mac noticed something moving in his scope, so decided to zoom in, “eeeyup. We’ve got a blue on the move…”

“Really? Is it moving towards us?” Spike asked anxiously.

“Hold it…” Big Mac muttered while changing his sights on a new target, “Ah’ see Fluttershy too. Looks like she’s got—“ quickly, Big Mac dropped his sniper and turned a serious look to Spike, “Spike. Get the Draconequus…”

After a short snicker, Spike looked to Big Mac, “You mean the Bucker?”

“Uh-huh, just keep makin’ jokes. That’ll save our partner…”

Part 5: 1.21 Giga-whats?

Fluttershy was still in a suspended panic when she turned around and was faced with a purple unicorn wearing cobalt armor, pointing her sparking horn in her direction. “Stop right where you are, Red!” Twilight warned her, letting loose a single strand of lightning at the pegasus’ hooves.

Fluttershy quivered and quickly ducked back, as if going into a safe place for herself. “P-Please. You could’ve hit me with that. And…” noticing the sniper strapped to the unicorn’s back, she quickly drew a conclusion, “were you the one shooting at me? That could’ve hurt me…” Fluttershy started to tear up a little, even though no bullet was within a single range of hitting her even if she had just stood still.

“Save the act, bumpkin,” Twilight snapped, “I know a magical transmutation spell anywhere, Sarge. You can’t pull the wool over these eyes. We’ve been watching you for three weeks.”

“Three weeks? That can’t be. I just got here about two hours ago,” Fluttershy reluctantly moved closer to her attacker and showed that on her red suit, there were no ranking emblems, “I’m just a recruit.”

After a quick processing and turning in her head, Twilight put her head up and gave a searching expression. “Recruit…? Yeah… I can see it. You’re far too fragile to be that Sergeant of yours.”

“Thank you, thank you,” Fluttershy nearly collapsed at the great relief she felt at that moment.

“But that doesn’t explain how you managed to steal out flag…”

“Steal? I didn’t steal this flag,” Fluttershy looked to the draping blue cloth attached to the pole stuck into her armor, “That sweet gnetlecolt gave—“

In a short blinding flash, Rainbow Dash came bursting out of nothing with her armor and body charred to a clingy black. The monochrome mare coughed and wheezed as she looked around her new surroundings, leaving the two other mare’s dumbfounded. “Did it work!?” Rainbow Dash shouted like her eardrums were blown out in the transfer process.

“The hell?” Twilight muttered, half expecting to never see her rainbow friend again. “Rainbow? What happened to you?”

“Twilight?” Rainbow Dash turned to see her partner, still shouting, “See? I told you this kinda thing would—Wait, how did you get here before—Oh you bitch! You ran here didn’t you?” Twilight only smiled sheepishly in response to Rainbow’s harsh tone.

“Um… excuse me?” Fluttershy called for attention in her confusion.

Being the new arrival, Rainbow Dash quickly looked to the flag holder and stumbled to pull her pistol with a flick of her left wing; pointing the said gun at her new target’s head in a shaky manner. It had been awhile since she tried to use a gun that wasn’t stationary or pump operated. “Oh-ho! Got’cha now, Sarge!”

Again, Fluttershy stumbled back into her safe zone. “Why does everypony keep pulling weapons on me? I’m just a private!”

Slowly, Rainbow Dash’s gun went down and she slowly began to go pale from under her thick layer of black gunk. “Wait… the Sergeant is still a Private?” It was too farfetched, but there was no other explanation for this. Rainbow Dash’s jaw dropped along with here gun as she drew to her final conclusion. “Christ… that stupid teleporter sent me back in time!”

Red Base had gone into a panic with Spike riding Big Mac as he trotted across their base towards their zebra mechanic tending to their vehicle. “Zecora, we’re gonna need to be takin’ this,” Big Mac hurriedly excused the two of them as he quickly fixed himself into the controls of the jeep; completely unsure of how to even run this thing but hoping it was like a truck back home.

With a buck of his strong hind legs, Big Mac started the jeep. Along with the roar of the engines, the melodic tone of some musical came to the lots ears. Spike decided to ignore it as he hopped up top and took the machine gun turret in hand. “No time like the present. Right Zecora?” Zecora only nodded and moved off into the base as the jeep took off over the rolling hills. “We’ll be back soon with Fluttershy!” Spike called back.

“Ah’ know it’s probably me… but some of that singin’ sounds familiar…” Big Mac thought aloud while trudging the jeep onward with his front legs digging into the steel of the pedals.

In the field, Rainbow Dash was doing her best to make sense of this to her time lost partner. “Alright. This may sound crazy, but you have to hear me out. Some time in your future, I get put here in this hell hole with you… we hate each other but we make it work. Then that mare right there gets promoted to sergeant of Red Army; but we spy on them so we’re always ahead.”

“Rainbow…”

“And they get a sweet ass car thing. And I’m all like ‘stallions don’t like mares with tanks!’”

“Dash, listen…”

“Yeah, I know. It’s crazy! But you gotta believe me. She gets promoted and we get a tank… then she jacks our flag!”

“Dash!” Twilight growled at the top of her voice, “You aren’t thinking straight. Point A: look at her. Does she look like that farm pony?” Twilight gestured to Fluttershy cowering against the rock with tears welled in her eyes from fear. “Point B—“

“~~two peas in a pod, we did~~“

“—if this is the past, how does she have the flag? Point C—“

“~~taught me how to fly a~~”

“—Time travel is relatively impossible for non-unicorns. Finally, we—“

“~~never had a single~~”

“What the hell is that sound!?” Twilight snapped her attention to the drawing noise along with the two pegasi with her.

“Kinda sounds like—“ but before Rainbow could finish her thought, the Draconequus piloted by Big Mac broke over one of the hills.

“Wooo boy!” Big Mac hooted as the wheel of their car sprang against the ground as they made their landing.

Both of the blues looked tarified at the sight of the mounted gun starting to be turned to face them. “Son of a bitch! Trot like little fillies!” they both screamed while scrambling to get away before the other.

“That damn car followed me through the time travelling portal!” Rainbow Dash started to scream, darting through the air with her frantic wings.

“Eat lead! Yeah! Your mileage may vary! Vary on how many bullets I can get in you, HAH HAH!” Spike continued to lash out battle remarks as he fired endless rounds against the rock that Twilight and Rainbow Dash had choose for their cover.

Hurrying to his partner’s side, Big Mac put a protective leg around Fluttershy’s quivering body. “Ya’ll right?”

“I have no idea,” the pegasus whimpered honestly.

“Don’t fret. We’ll get ya’ back ta’ base. But how did ya’ get their flag?”

“I-I asked for it?” Fluttershy wiped away a few of her tears while Big Mac led her to the jeep.

“Huh? It worked?”

“Is it not supposed to? Did I do something wrong?”

“Not at all. Ah’ guess we, uh, never thought of—Never mind. Just get yer’self back ta’ base. We’ll cover you.”

“Be safe. And don’t hurt them,” Fluttershy instructed with all the care inside her before giving a strong gallop towards the blue base.

“Other way!” Big Mac yelled over the fire; seeing the yellow mare turn back the other way and started heading towards their red base.

Breaburn became frantic as he looked over the mess through a spare sniper’s scope. “Sweet apples, this ain’t good…” the scope gave a quick lock onto the Draconequus, which made the stallion only more worried. “That’s a mighty big shooter they got…” after a moment, the sniper fell to the stone floor and his eyes darted to the massive machine stationed beside their base. “…But we got an even bigger one…”

Part 6: Check The Flank on That Tank

Bullets after bullets chipped and nicked against the small cover the Blues used. The shots came in an endless rain along with the incessant insults flung by the dragon at the head of it all. “…There is no way that thing has that many bullets,” Twilight concluded, ignoring the fact that it was indeed firing that many bullets with no end, “it’s not realistically or even magically possible without some sort of delay for reloads.”

“Wow. Really?” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes with a sarcastic tone, “we better tell them they’re breaking the rules then,” seeing Twilight give her a sharp glare she decided to change the subject a little. “Whatever. Seriously though. We really should’ve brought our heavy guns too.”

“Yes Rainbow, because bringing a weapon that no pony knows how to use isn’t a technical suicide by any stretch of the meaning…”

“Right. And sitting behind a rock while bullets shoot at us is a way better plan, huh?” Rainbow Dash said.

Twilight prepared to retort that, but saw there was no way to do so. “Well… this round goes to you I see.”

Sure Breaburn wasn’t a well-rounded soldier since he just got out into the field, but even he could figure out how to open a cockpit. The canopy swung open after the cowpony flipped a switch to the left of the hood. Easing in, his legs and hooves met with the pump mechanics specified for Earth Pony controls. It looked as if the interior could be worked more efficiently for unicorns, but that might have been favoritism of the maker. As his hooves clicked into place with the mechanics, the lights inside the cockpit sparkled to life and the hood closed firmly over Breaburn’s head. Suddenly, his ears were assaulted by a cooing voice coming from the tank. “Hello, and thank you very much for activating the M909P Main Battle Tank. But please, call Me Fleur.”

Breaburn took a nervous gulp as he felt the tank almost heat up around him. “Uh, hey there… Fleur.”

“You seem so tense…” the tank cooed again, “perhaps you would like me to run a tutorial for you?”

“A tutorial? Hot dog! Well, let’s run it and get this rodeo on the road!” Breaburn was eager to take an advantage over his two partners. This could be his chance to prove his use to the team.

“Very well. Tutorial program initiated. This program is intended to train non-certified ponies and alike in the use of this Manticore class tank. Now, let’s start with some simple driving.”

“Alrighty then,” pushing down into the pumps, the tank began to move slowly over one of the hills.

“Please don’t rush though. It’s been awhile since I’ve had somepony inside me…”

Salvo after round of bullets continued against the rock face with Spike keeping an energiezed face. However, Big Mac had taken himself out from the controls and stood leaning against the Draconequus, watching Spike unload more of his shots. “Spike… SPIKE!” He shouted over the blasting shots. Slowly, the shots came to a halt and Spike gave Big Mac a confused look. “That thing sure is a loud one.”

“Huh!?” Spike shouted.

“Nothin’. Let’s jus’ sneak around and get those Blues by surprise.”

“SNEAK AROUND?! SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN, MAC!”

“Yer’ ears alright, Spike?”

“I HAVEN’T GONE GARDENING IN MONTHS, SO MY SHEARS ARE PROBABLY A LITTLE—“

“Never mind. Let’s get movin’ before yer’ shoutin’ blows our cover…”

“RIGHT BEHIND YOU!”

The tank driving for Breaburn was going as well as his partners would’ve expected seeing as how he had managed to get the tank wedged up on top of a large rock. “Seeing how you’re now a master of taking me for a ride, let’s move onto safety features. Fun is fun, but protection is always important.”

“Mrs. Fleur, yer’ sorta makin’ me feel uncomfortable,” Breaburn admitted with a dark blush. “’Sides, could ya’ tell me why there are six pedals when I only got four legs?”

Twilight glanced out over the side of her cover, seeing how the firing had stopped and more curiously how the Red’s car was abandoned. “Dash. They’ve stopped their attack on us,” she whispered over to her comrade.

“…Why the buck are you wispearing?”

“…Once more you walk away with a victory,” Twilight admitted in a whisper.

Both Spike and Big Mac trekked the back pass of the rock face, looking for an easier way to take out the still hiding Blues. “Nnnnope… This won’t be the best way to get at ‘em.” Big Mac concluded.

“I still don’t see why we left the car…” Spike added in a normal tone with his hearing starting to return.

As the two discussed their plans, they failed to notice as Breaburn rolled up behind them with his massive tank. “Shootin’ at a rock wasn’t getting’ anywhere. Gotta’ take the initiative, you know?”

“Initiative? Give me a few more hours with that gun and I would’ve made a hole through that rock,” Spike laughed a little.

In the cockpit of the tank behind them, Breaburn strained his eyes, trying to get a good look at the reds. Soon, he lightened up and gave a bright smile. “Hey!” He shouted to Mac and Spike. The two turned around and while Spike turned pale with worry at the sight of such a massive weapon, Big Mac looked dumbfounded. “Cousin Macintosh? Is that you!?” Breaburn laughed joyfully.

“…Breaburn? What’re you doin’ in a Blue tank and Blue suit?!”

“Well, it’s a funny story. Here, let me get out and tell ya’,” Breaburn clicked a single button thinking it was the hatch button, instead having the tank’s cannon lowering in the Reds’ direction. “Uh-oh… Wrong one.”

Now it was Rainbow Dash that was peeking out the side of the rock, taking the liberty to move out more into the open while Twilight pressed to the cover closer. “Don’t be ridiculous. This is just a ploy to draw us out.” Twilight said flatly.

“You saw they’re away from that gun. We’re home free!” Rainbow Dash grew more excited; she just might make it back to base and tell Tom about this ordeal yet.

“Don’t worry cous’. I’ll get the right button,” once more, Breaburn hit a button and initiated a click from the cannon while it fixed onto Big Mac’s head.

“Breaburn… stop pressin’ buttons…”