Therefore, Put On the Full Armor

by TundraStanza

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other
Length: 1776

A few months after Princess Luna returned from her banishment, a new recruitment of guards went through the training necessary to commit their lives to her service. This is the story of one of those recruits.

Peace Shoe wasn't completely satisfied with his everyday life. Like many ponies in their early stages of life, he wanted to be something more. His chance arrived in the form of desperate Royal Guard recruitment. Protecting a princess, wearing snazzy armor, and holding a higher position of authority sounded great.

But how could he be so sure that the military life wouldn't walk all over him?
---
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is property of Hasbro and the Discovery Family channel.
Rated "Teen" for some brutal treatment.
One-shot.

Published 2015-07-07 06:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-07 06:00:02 UTC

Is the pay good?

The sun seemed to be shining more gently than it did a few months ago. The gray workhorse was thankful for this. Perhaps he could get a little more done and have a bit more time for leisure on this day. He barely got any time off during the harvest season.

"Peace, quit daydreaming!"

He sighed. So much for that free time.

Peace Shoe knew that demanding tone quite well. Whenever his mother used it, she made sure that he was out to work for at least an hour after the sun went down regardless of how many hours he spent gathering and picking the crop during the day. He didn't understand why he had to put up with this.

"I bet she'd be in less of a mood if she just got a prescription to use this stuff," he said to himself with a chuckle.

He had said this before, during the watering rounds last week. But he supposed she couldn't be blamed. How many ponies that lived on a farm actually kept their crops for personal use unless it was meant for consumption? He partially envied florists. They could eat their merchandise at any time if their sales didn't do so well. Peace, on the other hoof, was stuck with this leaf-based plant that reminded him of a hedgehog's quills. He didn't know why. He had never even seen a hedgehog before.

Anyway, that was enough thinking about hypotheticals and what-ifs. After all, there was a delivery pony galloping in between the plant rows. He looked all worn out and sweaty.

"Where's the fire?" asked Peace sarcastically.

"Hardy har, Shoe," said the delivery pony between panting and holding up a sealed envelope. "Priority messages straight from Princess Luna herself are going out to several ponies."

Peace received the envelope and balanced it atop his hoof. "Wait, that new princess that came out of nowhere? What's she doing now?"

"No time!" hollered the delivery pony who was already galloping away. "I've still got five more addresses across the map to get to before tonight!"

Peace stood there and blinked. "Five? So... six in total? That's too oddly specific to be a coincidence." He ripped one edge open with his teeth, dumped the contents to his other hoof, and skimmed the small, dark blue page with his eyes. When he was done, he gasped.

His mother trotted up, looking furious. "Peace, what the hay do you think you're- Hey, what's that?"

Peace smirked as he looked at her. "Mom, I'm going to be taking a few weeks off."

Peace Shoe didn't have much that he could really pack. So the saddlebags he had were acting more for show than for function. Still, they sat right over his leather strip cutie mark. He wondered how fixing up anklets had become his calling when he worked on a medicinal crop field all day. Then again, it wasn't that much weirder than stories he had heard about grapes and cherries being the calling for members of the Apple Family.

A thinly-white canopied wagon was pulled to the very front of Shoe's home. Though, it was several kilometers away from the actual house considering how long the dirt path was to the mailbox. He took a deep breath and trotted forth. Leather anklets dressed his back hooves. He was kind of attached to them... no pun intended.

"And as tempting as it might be," warned his mother, "don't spend your hours in front of their Y-Crate-One-Eighty while drinking moonshine. Those are meant to be shared by everypony in the military."

"I know," affirmed Peace.

"And don't daydream like you usually do," she continued. "They'll probably use that as an excuse to give you Tartarus."

"Okay." He rolled his eyes.

"And don't ask for seconds on their grub. Generals and captains hate to see gluttony in their new colts even if they indulge themselves."

"Goodbye, Mom!" Peace hollered as he quickened his pace for the rest of the way.

"I love you too, my little Peace," she whispered as she closed her eyes and wept.

Upon entering the covered wagon, Peace Shoe noticed the large emptiness of the vehicle. Aside from the stallion pulling up front, there were only two other passengers that Peace could immediately see. One was a white earth pony with a short and blue mane. The other was a blonde-maned, light gray unicorn. Both turned their heads to look at the newest passenger. But the unicorn merely scoffed and returned his gaze to the empty space in front of himself. The other pony smiled politely and nodded. The choice of where Peace wanted to sit closest to was obvious.

"Hey there, fellow rookie," greeted the white one.

"Hey yourself," Peace replied with a small smile.

"Name's Tranquil," the white one said.

"Peace Shoe," returned the farmer. He looked over at the yet unnamed pony. "And how about you, Sunshine?"

The blonde turned his head, giving Peace a deadpanned stare before turning back to his empty space. He muttered, "True Belt."

Shoe blinked. "Wow, cold shoulder much?"

"Ah, don't take it personally," Tranquil said dismissively. "He doesn't trust anyone."

Peace turned to his new buddy. "Why not?"

At this time, the wagon started moving again.

"He's been hit below the belt one too many times," answered Tranquil.

For about five seconds, the only sound came from the trotting of the driver.

"That was in terrible taste," Peace finally said.

"All right, Maggots! Listen up and listen good!"

These were the words that Peace Shoe heard on day one out in the field. He was standing in the line along with five peers. Every pony was wearing a lavender jumpsuit with various intricacies in the patterns. What stood out to Peace the most was the stallion in charge. Not only was he loud, but he was clad in so much red armor that Peace wasn't sure if another color even existed in that direction. At least, that was the case until he turned his golden irises toward his proclaimed 'maggots'.

"The only thing I can't stand more than having to repeat myself is the sorry state all of you buck-tards are in!" explained the loudmouth. "So, you'd better pay thorough attention the first time! I am Corporal Exile Blade and you are nothing but garbage dug up from the waste bucket! You are to do what I tell you, when I tell you, exactly the way that I tell you! When I say, 'Hit the dirt', your first thought should be, 'How deep?' Do I make myself clear?!"

"Sir, yes, sir!" shouted all six of the maggots.

Exile Blade trotted along and swiftly pointed a hoof at the blonde unicorn. "Private Belt, why the hay are you here?!"

True Belt looked as directly at the corporal as possible. "I plan on devoting my service to protecting the princess."

Exile's face looked somewhat surprised. "Oh... I see you've got a fine head on your shoulders."

True smiled. "Well, thank you sir-"

"Headbutt!"

"What's that now?" The unicorn's smile disappeared as he fell on his rump. His front hooves held his head in pain as he groaned.

"In a split-second, you don't have time to think!" shouted Exile. "So when you hear, 'Headbutt', you'd better duck or learn to sprout wings and fly out of the way! In case that's too complicated for you, here's the short version: Get your head out of your flank!" He resumed his pacing. "None of you get to see the princess until after I find a way to make you all soldiers! At this rate, we should be done in about two millennia!"

True continued his groaning.

Tranquil whispered, "At least it wasn't below the belt this time."

"Private Tennis Shoe!" shouted Exile, after turning on a dime to look at the white earth pony.

"That's... Tranquil... Shoe... sir..." corrected Tranquil timidly.

I didn't know his last name was Shoe, thought Peace as he looked at his peer in slight surprise.

"Quit your yapping, maggot!" ordered Exile. "That was not permission to speak! Since you have plenty of time to make wisecracks, how about you use that time to run your legs?! Now gallop seventy-five laps around the field!"

"Seriously, Sir?" whimpered Tranquil.

"Did I stutter?!" retorted Exile. "I said now, you chop-muncher! That means ten minutes ago!"

With that, Tranquil sighed and started his trek around the giant field.

Exile turned on his hind legs. "The rest of you melon-heads hit the dirt!"

"Uh... how deep?" asked Peace, taking a chance.

"Shut your smart-Alec pie hole and do it already, Private Shoe! That goes double for the rest of you!"

"Sir, yes, sir!" shouted four simultaneous recruits before pounding the dirt with their hooves in a timely manner.

Exile turned his head sharply. "Private Belt, quit holding your head in a defense against non-existent falling rubble! You look positively ridiculous!"

True Belt simply whimpered a lame attempt at an understanding. The rest of the day carried on with loud orders like that.

"Yaaaaaah!"

As quickly as he had charged forward, Peace immediately found himself looking up at blue sky. His back felt the hard ground, and he could swear that his ears were ringing.

"Well, that was pitiful," commented his practice partner.

Peace spat his cardboard knife to the side. "Yeah, yeah, give me a break, Spirit what's-his-face."

"It's Sword," corrected the pegasus as he helped lift Peace back onto all fours. "My last name is Sword."

"Okay, geez." Peace sighed as he looked to the left at the other pairs. "What's the point of this exercise anyway? There can't be that many times that we're going to have to stab traitors in our midst."

"I think it has something to do with overcoming enemies that are closest to you." Spirit shrugged. "I heard there was going to be a lot of weird stuff on duty that we have to deal with on a regular basis."

Peace looked at him with an eyebrow raised. "So... what? Is this just a way to stretch our ability to view things in surreality?"

"Who knows?" Spirit shook his head while trotting over. He picked up the 'knife'. "Either way, it's your turn to take the defensive position."

"Heh." Peace braced himself and looked at the pegasus smugly. "How hard can that be?"

About a couple seconds later, Peace found himself on his back again. Except this time, the fake knife was tapping against his neck.

"Okay, this isn't as easy as I thought," he admitted.

Author's Note

Today, I offer a distraction from my usual stuff.