*funny chapter name*
It was a normal day at Cantalot High. The sky was blue, the sun was yellow, the clouds were white, the grass was green and just generally everything was the colour it was meant to be. Ok, technically the sun was orange. Oh, and speaking of orange, Sunset Shimmer had just left the room after being told what a horrible person she used to be and Brad having come in and said she was tight. Now she was off to meet the new bad guys.
“We’ve still got a few minutes before lunch starts.” Rainbow Dash said as she turned her back to Sunset who was clearly upset and needed her friends… but whatever. “What do you say we do ‘Awsum As I Wanna Be’?” she emphasized by doing a fist pump.
“Um, Rainbow Dash.” Fluttershy managed to say over the sound of Dash’s ego as she held up her handy dandy note book. “I was wondering if we could maybe play the song I wrote.” but luckily Rainbow Dash interrupted that horrible idea.
“Uh, we’ll get to it.” she dismissed, remembering that horrible furfic her friend had written back when they’d all attached those tails to their butts. Dash then picked up her guitar and began to strum away, slowly leading to an all ear assault as the heavy metal began! RD was chosen as the vocalist because her voice was the most male of the bunch and they needed a loud raspy voice to scream the lyrics.
♪You should kill yourself. You should kill yourself! You should kill yourself! You should kill yourself!!! You should kill yourself! You should kill yourself!... You should kill yourself… KILL YOURSELF!!!♪
♪Razor blades (Grunge).Razor blades (Grunge).Razor blades (Grunge).Razor blades (Grunge).Razor blades (Grunge).Razor blades (Grunge).Razor blades (Grunge).Razor blades (Grunge).Razor blades (Grunge).Razor blades (Grunge).Razor blades (Grunge).Razor blades (Grunge).Razor blades (Grunge).Razor blades (Grunge).Razor blades (Grunge).♪
Rainbow Dash was really getting into this shit at this point, head banging harder than she was banging Applejack last night when she was rudely interrupted by “Okay guys, we gotta stop for a second here.” Fluttershy’s annoying voice spoke. “I mean really let’s talk about this…”
“WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!” Rainbow Dash proclaimed.
“You’re singing about killing yourself with razor blades!” she said back with legitimate concern.
“Well what do you expect me to do?” Dash countered. “Sing about Trees? And rainbows!?” she shouted.
Fluttershy however just stood her ground. Oddly enough two trees and a rainbow had appeared behind her now, along with a few woodland critters such as a panda, a skunk and a fairy-goblin. “Look man, you said when I joined the band that we could do some of my songs. And we never do any of my songs. I don’t see why it’s a big deal.”
As Fluttershy was blabbering on about some hippy shit a small tree had started to grow next to Rainbow Dash. She promptly stepped on it, killing the new life before it even had a chance. It made a squeaking sound. “That’s because they suck!”
More critters began to gather around Fluttershy. This time it was a small squirrel and a bird flying around her. “Well, that’s not a very nice way of putting it. I, I-I’ve been writing songs for a long time now.” Fluttershy replied. The bird that was circling around her in that time sadly made the mistake of getting to close to Dash who swung at it with her guitar.It landed back behind Fluttershy but more trees and animals had already taken it’s place. “I don't see why everything has to be so freaking violent.”
Rainbow Dash just stood there, staring at her friend with a ‘u wot m8?’ look on her face before finally saying “Well if you’re going to be a little bitch about it… fine. Let’s see one of your songs.”
“Well it’s about freaking time.” Fluttershy said, now joined by practically a forest of trees growing around her almost angelically as more birds and larger animals such as goats and miniature horses [not poniez] also there may have been a T-rex there at some point too. “I mean seriously guys, if you wanna add a little like flavour to it, that’s totally cool. But let’s try it out.”
“Whatever...” Dash sighed. “let-let’s just do it.”
And with that, they all switched over to Fluttershy’s music. It began slowly, with smooth, unbelievably smooth, slow sexy jazz before Fluttershy began to sign in a low sultry tone… Dash approved.
♪I… love… my cat mittens. (Meow) Yes I do.♪
And that’s enough. “Screw this!” and Dash slammed into her guitar harder than Soarin’ had slammed into her last night!
♪Kill them! (Grunge) Kill them! (Grunge)♪ “Stop it.” ♪Kill them! (Grunge)♪ “No stop it!” ♪Kill them! (Grunge)♪ “This is not the way I wanted it.” ♪Kill them! (Grunge) Kill them! (Grunge)♪ “Stop it!” ♪Kill them! (Grunge) Kill them! (Grunge)♪ “no stop it.” ♪Kill them! (Grunge)♪ “I hate you all.” ♪Kill them! (Grunge) Kill them! (Grunge)♪ “STOP IT!!!”
“You said. You wanted! Flavour!” Dash screamed as she threw down her guitar. “Well. I gave it! FLAVOUR!!!” she yelled at the nearly crying Fluttershy.
Despite her state, Fluttershy pulled it together enough to reply “Look, this whole thing… is over!” Fluttershy said, flailing her arms around. “I want you out of my studio. Right now!”
Dash was in a rage. “Argh!” she yelled. Before breathing in heavily to yell again “ARGH!!!” then another deep breath for “ARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!” and the next thing you knew she was standing outside of the room as the door shut in her face. She stood there for a moment. She could hear them still doing… stuff inside. Eventually though she turned and began to walk away. Either to prove they were still indeed doing stuff, or to mock her, she heard piano music start to play. It was that generic cliché sad walking away music.
Early the next morning...
Ok. She knew how to make this up her Fluttershy. Fluttershy had a hardon for helping animals so she would do the same. And as such, Rainbow Dash was volunteering at the local animal shelter. Unfortunately, it turned out to be a petting zoo called ‘Ambiguously Happy Earl’s Animal Funpark’. Close enough. Also unfortunetely, Rainbow dash had no funking idea how to deal with animals. When did she last feed Tank? Anyway, after finishing her first job the owner came up to her.
“Now what the hell did you do that for? You dun pissed it off!” the southern redneck stereotype, that looked oddly like Applejack’s runaway pappi, yelled at her. “This is a petting zoo. You put the trash in the basket, not the raccoon!” he exclaimed.
“What the fuck?!” Dash replied. Normally she would’ve been fired for that alone but she was pretty sure this was just a front for a meth lab and the run offs were obviously getting to her because what kind of petting zoo has giant pink elephants? Also she could’ve sworn she’d seen a T-rex again at some point.
Later on as she was tasked with feeding the cows, she stood next to some kind of mechanical hoopamaju as the owner yelled at her once more “You bring the feed to the cows! You can’t bring the cows to the feed!”
“Just shut up!” she told Heisenberg. “I know what I’m doing!” then pressed a button moving the jiant claw machine thing that this petting zoo/meth lab had for some inexplicable reason that was now holding about twelve cows in its round pincer grips. She pressed a button and with a very loud ‘Vvvvvvrrrrrr….’ sound it slowly began to raise the cows up into the air. Oddly enough none of them fell out even as it turned them a full ninety degrees. She pressed another button and positioned the suspende cows next to the pile of hay. “Now move it cows!” she said as she adjusted the crane. “Eat your feed!” then smacked the control panel. “Eat it!” pressing buttons all willy nilly now, the crane was swinging the cows left and right… well actually only up and down but that was meant to be a metaphor. “EAT IT!!!”
The crane then exploded. Cows went flying everywhere. “What the fuck!?” Rainbow Dash yelled. Suddenly there was an extremely loud roar as a large set of jaws came down on Rainbow Dash as she was eaten by a T-rex.
The end.
Fuck!
Author's Note
Based on a true story.
