Chapters Papa Granpappy's Halloween Spooktacular The First
Super Secret Special Swimmingly Sect
Two small fillies sat in the shadows of their super secret base. They stood on their hind legs... Hooves... Whatever. They stood surrounding a chalk outline on the floor, chanting in an unknown language. Speaking words that would scorch the minds of lesser beings.
"SWIMMINGLY FTAGN, SWIMMINGLY FTAGN."
"Eh, are yoo' girls ok in ther'?" Said granny smit as she opened the door to the treehouse, "I thoughts I herd' me sum' unholy chants?"
"N-nah Granny Smith." Muttered Applebloom whilst kicking the disembodied members of non believers under the table."
"Okie dokie, y'all have a nice night, and no blatant faggitry' ya' hear?"
"Yes Granny Smith..." Muttered the two crusaders with poorly hidden dissapointment.
As Granny Smith closed the door they sighed with relief and went back to their ritual. Just as they placed a plethora of putrid penis piles, Scootaloo burst through the door with a pumpkin mask and a knife.
"Woah who the bucking shit are you you cunt?" Queried Sweetie Bell.
"C'mon guys, we've been over this like fifty times," said the dumbfounded orange Pegasus, "it's me! Scootaloo?
"Back away you cold blooded pumpkin demon!"
Scootaloo sighed and took her place in the circle, the other two cutie mark crusaders reluctantly continued the ritual. They took turns throwing a series of slimy objects into the chalk circle. A dragon's toe, Mitt Romneys left testicle, the butt cheek of god and a semen stained scotch bottle. They spoke in tongues and locked tongues until the chalk of the circle glowed with unnatural light. Most formed around the treehouse and slowly took the form of a purple pony.
"You quiver to the touch, touch the butt," chanted the Sweetie Bell, as raining blood by slayer began to play.
"Ye'ar the one behind the wall, you are the one who ends it all." Said Apple Bloom as I Believe in a Thing Called Love began to play overtop Raining Blood because slayer is shit and for nerds.
"FONDLE MY BALL, HEAR THE CALL!" Yelled Scootaloo, as cemetery gates by Pantera began to play, but was then silenced by the overwhelming might of the sonic the hedgehog soundtrack.
"Fukken fuck." yelled the dark lord and suddenly swimmingly appears. The crusaders look giddily at each other, as the maiden of darkness was belched forth from the nether realm and then exploded. The cutie mark crusaders were gobsmacked, they looked around at each other with disbelief.
"What the buck happened girls, did y'all fuck somethin' up?" Chided Apple Bloom.
"Well, it appears that we forgot an ingredient," said sweetie bell whilst looking through Granny Smith's cookbook, "Granpappy's Bane needs a mortal vessel to enter the material realm, the more similar they look the better!"
"Holy poor character design girls," Yelled Applebloom with disgust, "Twilight looks exactly like our great n' powerful lord!"
"We've got to find Twilight before the nights up!" Chided Sweetie Bell, "how else are we gonna get our 'Tampering with Forces Outside of the Comprehension of our Feeble Minds' cutie mark!"
Scootaloo hid her cutie mark with her wing, she secretly got her running around with a pumpkin mask and a knife cutie mark, and didn't want to be excommunicated from the Crusaders. She knew what she had to do, she donned her pumpkin mask and knife.
Author's Note
Sorry, it's not a swimmingly story he just asked for a cameo at gunpoint.
Papa Granpappy's Halloween Spooktacular The First
Twilight was snapped to her senses by the shattering of a window. She whipped around, pulling a neck muscle in the process. As she writhed on the floor, the abdominal spasm she was suffering caused her to shut on the floor, which caused spike to come out of Twilights belly because TWILIGHT WAS SPIKE THE WHOLE TIME!!!1!
Ahem, the pounding of footsteps on the floor stopped Twilights spasm, she craned her neck upwards to see the figure of a small pony with a pumpkin head.
"Oh shit bugger, bum, piss pubic hair and twat." Said Twilight.
Scootaloo with a pumpkin mask and a knife lunged forward and plunged the knife into the floorboards thirty centimetres from Twilights head, due to the limited field of vision from her pumpkin mask. The purple unicorn took the opportunity and sprung to action. She jumped up and bucked the small child across the room, causing her to slam into Twilights Rainbow/Fluttershy lesbian porn collection. However, the seismic shock of the buck failed to stop Scootaloo with a pumpkin mask and a knife, and she just staggered back to her feet and continued the chase.
Twilight had already left the room and was looking in the kitchen for a weapon, she tried to grab a knife, but it slipped through her hooves because she's an idiot. Scootaloo with a Pumkin Mask and a Knife had already bounced into the room, she flexed her faggot tier wings and encroached on her prey.Twilight had one chance, she charged at magic beam and took aim at her assailant.
A bolt of lightning surged from her horn and cut Scootaloo with a Pumpkin Mask and a Knife in half, her entrails splattering all over Twilight, leaving a twilight silhouette on the wall behind her. It was over she was safe. Twilight staggered towards the kitchen bench, however, the floor was wet and there was NO WET FLOOR SIGN BOOOOooooOOO. This caused the unicorn to slip and impale herself on Scootaloo wit a Pumpkin Mask and a Knife's, knife. She died.
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Papa Granpappy's Halloween Spooktacular The First
Epilogue, (ooh that's a fancy word, am I Knighty yet)
The sun rose as Pinkie Pie bounced towards Twilights library. Ever since the war, the party pony tried to avoid Unicorns as a general rule. But Pinkie was not only desperate for a hit of the green, but all of her friends were busy, and she needed someone to hang out with.
Pinkie pushed open the door with a loud creak.
"Twiiiliggght?" Sang Pinkie begrudgingly, "Where are you? I want someone to come and laugh at fat kids outside of Rarity's sweatshop with me!"
She bounced throughout the library with no sign of her aquaintance, when she turned into the kitche. And saw twilight dead on the ground, impaled by a knife. Next to her was half of an unknown figure holding a knife with a pumpkin mask. However, there was a third figure. It slowly stood up, and turned around to reveal A SKELETON (ooooooOOOOOooooooh).
"So it was you all along!" Chided Pinkie Pie.
"What can I say," said the skeleton whilst lighting a cigarette, "I had a bone to pick with Twilight."
"But why?"
"Well, I weighed a SkeleTON, and asked twilight to fix me, she gave me a pill and told me that I didn't have the stomach for it and that beauty was only skin deep."
"You killed my dealer because she made puns at you?
"No!" Said the skeleton defensively, "...Yes"
Author's Note
I'm very sorry for the puns.
Papa Granpappy's Halloween Spooktacular The First
And then there was a ghost!
Twilight Spankle sat at home, staring out the window as rain slammed into the window one cold Nightmare Night. This weather had plagued Ponyville for six days and the Pegasi weren't doing anything about it, as protest for The Princesses allowing Jews into the workforce.
Twilight trotted around her library desperate for something to do, she gazed out at the Nightmare Night Parade and half considered going, but then she remembered she was a loser (and her friends only tolerated her presence due to her worrying access to Magic Kush) and scrapped that idea. Twilight sat down on her chair, finally accepting yet another night of loneliness. She begun to read when all of a sudden, a brick flew through her front window and knocked out all her teeth. She coughed up blood, and stood back up.
"What the buck was that, you baboon!?" She chided at her unknown assailant, "oh hey, there's a note on it."
She picked up the brick and started to untie the string which bound the note to the block. This proved harder than she would have thought, as she has hooves and as a result is unable to tie or untie knots. After five minutes of struggle, she pried the note from the brick and looked inside, shock crept across her face. The not was written in blood! Not just any blood though, Hyper-Realistic blood! And pentagrams! And lude fan fictions involving twilight and her parents! The note read, 'i am gon cut u bich, luv Scootaloo with a Pumpkin Mask and a Knife'.
"I wonder who it could be?" Queried Twilight whilst scratching her beard. She also sprouted a blood nose.
Twilight pondered the information she had been given. Who was this dastardly fiend? Why did she want Twilight? And why did these pants make her butt look big? She was so confused, perhaps it was the Princesses pulling another prank? She called out for spike to get off his fat ass and send a message to the princesses, but no answer came. It was then that Twilight begun to panic, she just realised that spike was late for his Nightmare a night fap session, and THAT was one thing he was always punctual for. She ran around her library looking for signs of the purple dragons evening antics, but found nothing. Whoever this 'Scootaloo with a Pumpkin Mask and a Knife' was, and whatever he or she had planned, needed Twilight to be completely alone on this Nightmare Night.
