♞ - Equinos Lie Kinda Close To The Equator
“The Equinos are grateful that our equine cousins have come to visit us. We extend our sincerest apologies that the Equiarch is not currently available to see you at this juncture. Perhaps you would care for some light refreshment?”
Celestia nodded appreciatively at the cerulean mare Equinos as she directed her to the outdoor adjunct. As per usual of a simple diplomatic mission, a single guardspony followed the Princess as she wove her way through the intricate corridors of the great Equinos palace. The Equinos were by far one of the most accommodating species neighbouring Equestria. They boasted of tall, grand and majestic waiting rooms that left no want for space, even if the guest were an aged dragoness or a massively sculpted minotaur.
“Thank you, Star Storm, was it?”
The diminutive Equinos bowed deeply and smiled at the snow-white alicorn. “It was no trouble at all, Princess Celestia. Do not worry, the Equiarch will not take too long. Please let me know if you require anything in the meantime.” Star Storm shifted her hooves in the classic Equinotic farewell shuffle and left.
Celestia breathed in the wonderful aroma of rosewood and soft-scented pine that permeated the large chamber. There was seating of all different shapes and sizes littering the room. The Equinos were a mostly friendly race—they kept diplomatic ties with almost every other race in the world. They were also a proud race and sometimes inclined to making rash decisions when faced with a perceived slight or dishonourable conduct.
Celestia sighed and forced herself to relax. Equestria did not have much to fear; the Equinos were a little biased in their diplomatic relations. Though the Equinos were the strictest equines Celestia had ever had contact with, they treated other equines like family and regarded the larger ponies of Equestria as cousins. They warmly regarded the breezies as brothers and sisters too. This made dealing with the Equinos quite bearable, though the same could not be said if one were representing, say, the dragons, griffons or minotaurs.
A light knock on the door brought Celestia out of her musings.
The small servant’s door opened quietly and a small, delicate mare of fiery gold and crimson, tugged ineffectually at a massive tray filled to the brim with cookies, cakes and other delicacies. Celestia hurried forward to help the poor servant with her duty.
“Here, let me help you!” Celestia cried. Celestia was shocked when the Equinos slapped her hoof away.
“How dare you!” she hissed baring sharp teeth. Celestia backed away a couple of steps as the furious little equine leapt onto a nearby table and advanced menacingly. “I am the Equiarch of the Equinos of the Other Side of the Sand Dunes! How dare you show disrespect by offering to help me! I am fully capable of serving my own guests!”
Princess Celestia waved a hoof in an attempt to calm down the irate Equiarch. “My apologies, Equiarch, I am not completely familiar with the customs of the Equiarchs, I have much to learn.” Princess Celestia tilted her head in humility. “Please accept my apology.”
The Equiarch stared at Celestia with intense amber eyes. The scaled-down equine seemed to relax slightly as she searched for deception or sarcasm and found none in Celestia’s deep and aged gaze.
There was a chance that the incident might have been resolved then, but alas, at that precise moment, the guard shifted his hooves uneasily and the Equiarch just happened to spot it. For those that do not know much about the Equinos, the Equinos have a fairly complex system of communication, called hoof-step, that relied solely on the positioning of the hooves. It is generally polite to only use one mode of communication during discussion so the Equinos stay absolutely still when talking and stay absolutely silent when hoof-stepping. The guard, of course being silent, would be telling nearby Equinos that he would be speaking in hoof-step.
She spun around and pointed to the hapless guardpony. “Lies,” she hissed scathingly. “Your Princess lies, and you mock me!”
“Now, let’s all be calm and reasonable about this…” Celestia started but was cut off as the guard took it upon himself to take responsibility for his actions. He followed Celestia’s example and bowed low.
“My sincerest apologies, Equiarch, I didn’t mean to offend you, your Highness.”
“Highness!”
“Not helping,” Celestia mumbled through the corner of her mouth as the stallion made a helpless gesture.
“Sorry, it’s so easy when the smallest of movements—“
“Smallest?!”
“So you’re going to blow everything out of proportion now?!”
“Captain Steel, I must suggest that—”
“PROPORTIONS?!” the Equiarch screamed shrilly.
The guard put his hooves over his ears in pain. “Oww! For such a small—”
“SMALL!” the Equiarch roared. She was now redder than her coat.
Princess Celestia backed away another couple of steps. “Captain, that is enough now, I think we should take our leave.”
“WE ARE NOT SMALL! WE ARE NOT TINY! WE ARE NOT CUTE LITTLE THINGS! ALL OF YOU OTHER SPECIES ARE THE SAME! JUST SMALL, SMALL, SMALL! BY THE ENDLESS SANDS, I AM SICK OF THAT!”
The room echoed with the last of the Equiarch’s rant and both ponies were frozen in shock. While Celestia put on a mask of sympathy, the Captain was less subtle and could barely contain his mirth.
Celestia decided to try for one last ditch effort at diplomacy. “Okay. I think we need a little—” she winced “—break…”
The Equiarch was beyond words now. She was merely spluttering and frothing at the mouth.
The current Captain of the guard saluted his royal charge.
“It’s been an honour serving with you, Princess,” he choked, tears in his eyes. They were tears of laughter.
Princess Celestia merely rolled her eyes and grabbed the surprised guard with a hoof. “Oh don’t be over-dramatic,” she muttered and with a flash, they teleported out of the Equinos palace. Once outside in the dunes, the Captain clutched his sides and rolled about in the sands with shaking fits of giggling. Celestia batted him with a hoof.
“Captain, you were way out of line in there!” she chided as the guardspony struggled to contain himself. “Captain! I am serious! This has damaged relations between Equestria and the Equinos possibly for decades, even generations.”
Captain Steel sighed, sobering up at the thought. “Oh, but it couldn't be that bad.”
“There could be repercussions,” Celestia warned.
The Captain snorted. “What are they going to do? Bat us with their cute little hooves?”
A deafening roar echoed throughout the plains. A slightly transparent, star studded menace rose from the shifting sands around them and regarded each of them with ferocious yellow and red eyes. Astride the beast was the Equiarch, her eyes almost as wild as the Ursa Major’s.
Celestia turned to the Captain and raised an eyebrow.
“Oh,” was all the Captain could say as they both teleport-hopped all the way back to Canterlot with all due haste.
Author's Note
Equinos is pronounced similarly to 'neutrinos', 'eck-queen-noe'.
Also 'small' jokes are punishable by death in Equinos society. Getting stepped on by an Ursa Major is the usual method of execution. The irony is strong with this one.
I realised that this probably qualified as a standalone story and it had over 1000 words so, what the heck, submit.
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