Head in a Cloud

by Arbarano

Rating: everyone
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Random, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rarity
Length: 2553

A short, worthless parody of what is already someone else's self-parody. Involving Pinkie Pie.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

If you read “Pinkie Watches Paint Dry” by AbsoluteAnonymous and thought, “I wonder what this would be like if it was written by a talent-less hack whose only original idea is dying on its arse, weighed down by a fraction of the maturity and a modicum of the emotional depth”, then this is the story for you!

Click now, and you will also gain exclusive insight on how not to write!

Published 2012-04-25 15:04:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-25 15:04:02 UTC

Head in a Cloud

Backwards.

Forwards.

Backwards.

Forwards.

Only three more pies to go! Then maybe she’d get to go for lunch! She’d already been here for twenty minutes, and that plate of cupcakes to her side was looking a little too shiny and not full enough for her liking.

Pinkie continued to move the roller back and forth, spreading the ball of dough into just the right thickness to top the pastries. There was a squeak somewhere behind her, but she didn’t worry about it. It was probably Mrs Cake, just checking up on her after the “incident” last week, when Dashie had helped her give the kitchen a new coat of whitewash. Okay, so they’d used flour instead of the proper stuff, and they were supposed to be using the flour to bake cakes rather than coat the walls, but at least it got rid of the applesauce stains left by a Pound-Pumpkin-double-team-temper-tantrum!

Wait.

…

There he was again.

Her silent companion.

She smiled. Not her usual huge, shiny grin that she used to welcome ponies that she hadn’t seen before had had oodles of questions for, but a nice one. One that showed him that she was happy to see him. Not that she knew that he was a “he”, or that she could see him, but she knew he was there. He liked to make an entrance. How else would he get into the room?

They were a lot like each other, when she thought about it. Both could creep up on ponies when they least suspected it. She could move in the space between spaces, which for some reason nopony else could manage and left everypony confused when she did it. He could simply drift between ponies, not seen and not noticed, at least until he wanted everypony to!

She stopped the roller in a little groove on the pastry, sighing and shaking her head. Then again, they weren’t totally alike when ponies did notice them. She could always be counted on to fill a room with happy faces and fun. How else would she earn the title of Ponyville’s Premier Party Pony?! But he…

Everypony who ever spoke of him always wanted to move away as soon as possible.

She couldn’t understand it. Sure, he wasn’t that most talkative of friends a pony could make, and, yes, he did often clear the room when she was holding her parties, but he wasn’t that bad. He was funny! In his own way, yes, but comedy was comedy! That was what she always saw it as!

Somepony getting pranked with ink on the lens? Comedy.

Somepony getting one of the references that she didn’t know until they poofed into her head and she‘d blurted them out? Comedy.

Somepony watching an anvil fall onto another pony? … A little mean, definitely, but still comedy!

Until someone ended up in Ponyville General. And saw the bill for a new anvil, anyway.

Actually…

Now that she thought about it, their comedy was similar too. They both liked to go for big, strong punch-lines. They would vary their routes towards them, though. Sometimes they would merrily weave their way towards them, like the river that flowed through Ponyville, or the icing around the edge of a cake. Sometimes they would quietly dance around the punch-line, like Fluttershy did with the crowd at her parties, just hoping for the perfect moment to latch on and get a big laugh. Sometimes they would just slam their way through and draw out a laugh that way.

There was that one time when they’d even worked together!

She sighed, smiling across at him. Or where she thought he was.

He really was one of her close friends, thinking about it. Probably not as close as AJ, or Rarity, or Twilight, or Fluttershy, and especially not Dashie. No. Definitely not as close. He didn’t show up at her parties until they were well underway. He wouldn’t join her in the mornings for a nice chat that would perk her up far more than the sugary cupcakes they talked over, like Rarity or Twilight, or even Dashie if she was actually awake in the mornings, would. He wouldn’t while away a long night playing board games and drinking sarsaparilla with her, like all her true friends would.

And, probably biggest of all, he hadn’t been close enough to her to join her as a Bearer of an Element of Harmony.

Pinkie had to stop for a moment. You didn’t judge friends based on a shiny necklace; you judged them on how good a friend they were, everypony knew that!

She shook her head and giggled. Silly Pinkie!

Besides, they’d been close for so long now, right back to the time when he’d first gotten a couple of quiet chuckles from a teeny-tiny version of herself back at the rock farm, back when her mane hung like a curtain over her eyes. Even now, sometimes, when she was feeling all alone in the middle of the night, he’d come. He’d quietly secrete himself into her room, or he’d make a big, loud fuss of it and almost wake the twins, but he’d come. He’d come and rest somewhere near her, ready to bring out a giggle and a smile from wherever they had been hiding.

Sometimes… it even felt like he was a part of her, and she was a part of him…

Her eyes bugged out of her head, far enough to read the warning label on the oven for a second.

Some ponies didn’t like his type of comedy. Some ponies thought it was tired. Some ponies thought he was crude. Some ponies thought he was only funny to foolish little ponies who were stupid, and who he would fit right in with.

And, even though he would get at least one laugh from somepony each time he visited, he never hung around for long. Even if there wasn’t a pony who didn’t like his type of comedy in the room, his presence wasn’t a long one.

But… if they were so alike, and their comedy was so alike… did that mean…

Something very wrong and very hot bubbled behind her eyes, and she felt a frown fighting its way against her natural smile.

Did that mean that she was only funny to silly little ponies? After all, she loved to make little kids happy, and they would always make her heart soar, held their by every giggle and laugh as she made funny faces for them, or went in with her rubber chicken and clown suit, or tried her hoof at telling jokes. But she wasn’t quite as good at making every pony her own age laugh. Some of those old folks didn’t even laugh at her dribble glass!

She felt her lip wobble.

Did that mean that she was funny only for a few seconds? Now that she thought about it, nopony ever came up after her party to tell her they liked her jokes anymore. They always said that they remembered that they’d had fun that night before, but couldn’t ever remember what she’d said that had made the night so much fun. Was it that her jokes were just fizzling out, now?

She got a sudden image of Hearth’s Warming Day a few years ago, when Mr and Mrs Cake had made the special cake with cider after reading up on an old earth pony tradition. Mrs Cake poured a tiny little glass that looked hardly big enough for a mouthful over the spongy goodness, while Mr Cake stood next to her with a lit match. He put the teeny flame on the cake, and the whole thing went up in a flash that lit the kitchen blue for a moment. But it went away just as quickly, and everypony carried on as normal…

Was she like that? Was she just a flash in the pan, burning brightly for the teeniest of tiny moments, before going away forever, never to be remembered? Was she… was she…

The bubbles behind her eyes came so close to bursting they hurt.

Before they could spill over, though… something ruffled her fur. Something made the nasty bubbles run away, and soothed the tightness on her forehead that she hadn’t even noticed before. Something wrapped her up all snug and warm, like she was lying on those clouds again when Twilight had put that spell on her.

It was him.

She took a deep breath, and felt his very presence all around her. She still couldn’t see him, but she just knew he was still there, ready to rescue her again if she would ever need it.

Just like she did whenever his jokes didn’t go down too well.

Now that she thought about it, she really had been worrying over nothing. After all, he’d been making ponies laugh for far longer than she had. Even if he’d gone through rough patches in his routine, and even if he didn’t always get a laugh from everypony, he still got them! Sure, some ponies didn’t always like him, but he was still using an accepted type of tried and tested humour, and the only reason she could describe them that way was because it worked.

So what if she sometimes had to use her old stuff. It only wasn’t funny if she wasn’t getting ponies to laugh along with her. And she was coming up with new stuff all the time, like that whole routine with the sales-ponies a few weeks ago. Duh! That was her talent!

What did she have to worry about?

She shook her head, a sheepish little smile spreading. First forgetting about how to tell a good friend from a bad one, and now this? She sure was being a silly little Pinkie toda-

“UGH!”

Pinkie spun around.

Rarity stood just a little way into the kitchen, her head bowing over to the side and a hoof clamped over her nose. But unlike that time when Fluttershy had gotten all mean and nasty thanks to those “assertiveness” lessons that just sapped away everything nice and happy and turned her into New Fluttershy, Rarity looked like she had just seen a tray of baked bads!

What was wrong?

“Shucks, sugar-cube!” came a thick drawl from behind that purple tail that looked like it would make a fun slide. Applejack hobbled into the room a moment later. Like Rarity, one of her hooves pushed against her nose, but, on the other hoof, she managed to keep her eyes open. And burning straight at Pinkie. If fire could be green. “I thought we told you to lay off them cupcakes!”

Her cheeks bulged for a moment, making Pinkie’s eyebrow rise. All she let go of was air, though, and she let her tongue hang out for a moment.

“Darling!” cried Rarity, as Applejack winced and pulled her tongue back in. “Give me your hat at once!”

Applejack tilted her head towards her, her own brow getting a little friendlier with the ceiling. “Why?”

Rarity finally tore her eyes open, and let them stare at Applejack. “Because I need to get rid of this…” a shudder shook right through her, “… disgrace.”

Applejack’s eyes nearly popped out of her head. This time, it was her chin that nearly greeted the floor. “Nuh-uh, Rarity.” She shook her head, her lips pursing. “There ain’t no way Ah’m lettin’ mah Pappy’s hat anywhere near that thing!”

“Near what?” Pinkie chirped, flicking her eyes between, giving them both her usual smile. She hadn’t let the cakes burn, had she?

“Oh for goodness…” Rarity growled. Actually, Rarity wouldn’t growl. It was more that she whispered through gritted teeth, sounding a lot like Winona did when she got hold of something and didn’t want to let go. She still glared at Applejack, though, and Pinkie thought for a moment that a blue beam was going to shoot through the orange fur.

But, instead, it melted into a pair of blue glows, which wrapped themselves around the windows and eased them open. Rarity and Applejack kept their hooves fixed to their noses for a couple more seconds, while they both stared at the spring morning outside.

Pinkie still couldn’t work out what was wrong. Had she added too much vanilla essence? But that wasn’t disgusting! Vanilla was sweet, both as a spice and as the pony who she threw a birthday party for last week.

Eventually, Applejack put all four hooves back onto the ground, and took a deep breath. A big smile spread across her muzzle, and Pinkie couldn’t help but feel all of her worries lift. It also made Rarity put her hoof down too, but her glare refused to budge.

“And I thought you were supposed to be the strong one, Applejack. Miss ten-time-Rodeo-Champion-of-Ponyville-who-wouldn’t-even-brave… that.” Rarity cringed again.

“Hey!” Applejack planted a hoof, snorting. “Ah don’t remember you goin’ into that yerself, Rarity. Yeh just used yer magic!”

Rarity smirked, her eyes twinkling. “Yes,” she ran a hoof through her mane, letting it shimmer and dance for a moment as her smile grew further. “And it worked beautifully, did it not?”

All Applejack did in reply was grunt, before looking back at Pinkie, who gave both of her friends her big, friendly smile. Who else would she use it for?

Applejack’s, though, was similar to the kind that Pinkie liked to use when she was visiting Cranky, only it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Pinkie,” she said, taking a step closer, “s’there somethin’ wrong, sugar-cube?”

Pinkie’s smile shrank into a pinched little circle. Well, there was the fact that she needed to find a certain colour confetti for that foal’s birthday party. Or she could just go through her normal confetti and pick out the right colours from there! So that wasn’t a problem. Those cupcakes she’d eaten earlier did taste a little bit funny, but they were still sweet, so not that either. There was Gummy’s second tooth, and it’s especially loud arrival two days ago, but he seemed to be calming down again now. She could tell.

“Nope!” she chirped, grin coming back wider than ever. “I’m just baking those pies like Mr and Mrs Cake wanted!”

Applejack looked away for a moment. “It’s just that Ah-”

“Talking of that, darling,” Rarity butted in, glancing at Applejack before looking back at Pinkie. “The Cakes wanted to know how long before you’ll be finished.”

So that was all that this drama was about?

“Oh, I’ve only got three left to do, so I should be done in no time!” Pinkie grinned at them both, and they countered with a pair of smiles.

“Good to know, Pinkie,” said Rarity, turning to trot away. “Ta-tah!”

“Bye, Pinkie,” added Applejack over her shoulder. “And stay away from them cupcakes!”

Pinkie tittered for a second as they disappeared back out of the door. Silly Applejack! She saw there weren’t any cupcakes left, so how could Pinkie go anywhere near them?

Shaking her head but still smiling, Pinkie turned back to the counter and put her hooves back on the roller.

Forwards.

Backwards.

For— wait!

She stopped, tilting her head and pushing out her bottom lip. Wasn’t she just thinking about someone?

…

Oh well.

—wards.

Backwards.