Bark at the Moon

by Crowley

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Princess Luna, Original Character, Second Person, Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 18456

You are a Diamond Dog living in Canterlot after a cave-related incident. Princess Luna is... Princess Luna. Will the two of you have more in common than you think?

You are a Diamond Dog, living in the richest part of Canterlot after suffering an incident at your old home, the Diamond Dog caverns. You don’t go out much (not that you can, given your situation) so you whittle away the days reading books from the Canterlot Library, learning Equestrian history and customs. One night, an unusual guest drops by, sparking the strangest offer - and with it, friendship - to grace Equestrian royalty.

Published 2015-06-29 05:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2017-11-16 18:02:18 UTC

Part 1: Diggin Me Down

The echo of claws upon stone rattles through the complex of caverns. Most of the sounds are coming from the many other members of your group, sniffing out gems of all shapes, sizes and colours before driving their sharpened claws into the rocky walls and retrieving said gems in a matter of seconds. Lesser races - like, say, ponies - would probably spend many minutes, even hours, mining them. The air smells dank with dirt, just like every other part of these caves, not that you care much. To Diamond Dogs like yourself, the scent of dirt is synonymous of your underground homes. The smell of caves are as natural to you as the smell of salt to a sea-dwelling fish.

Wait, can fish smell salt? You don't know, you've never asked one.

Now, the smell of diamonds and gemstones. That's a different story. They smell like nothing you'd be able to describe to those not gifted in the way of a Diamond Dog's nose. Again, ponies seem to spring to mind. They wouldn't know what gems smell like; in fact, they seem to prefer the sight of them. You've never seen a pony sniff a gem, at least.

You suppose you could describe the smell of gems as more of a feeling than a scent. They smell kind of like a completed one-thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle. Or a finished work of art. Or maybe a really good book that you've only just finished reading. The scent varies from one gem to another.

To those who still wouldn't know exactly what a gem smells like... too bad. It's their loss for not having the nose of a Diamond Dog. But enough of that; you continue with your task alongside your fellow canine cave-dwellers, searching for yet more gems, maybe the occasional geode just to keep as a memento. While all Diamond Dogs get paid a decent wage while mining, the bosses like to give out bonuses to the mining team with the most impressive haul.

That's when you sense it - the slightest glimmer from the corner of your eye. You turn your head upwards and catch its scent; a large gemstone with most of its body embedded inside the cavern's dirty ceiling just a foot or two above you. Carefully extending a single clawed finger, you dig away more and more of the surrounding dirt until you've uncovered more of the gem's body. You're a little bit amazed to learn that this thing's trice the size of your head! How could any of your Diamond Dog friends missed this, you wonder?

Then again, how many Diamond Dogs do you know that think to look straight upwards? It's easily missed. You glance over your canine shoulder to said workmates; they seem to be preoccupied, digging their own way through the walls and sniffing intently at nearby corners. Imagine the look on their faces when you show them this hulking beauty of a gem.

The aforementioned glistening lump starts to loosen from the above dirt. Instead of picking away more of the cavern's ceiling, you shift both of your front paws onto the dirt itself, seeking to yank the whole gem out in one swift action. It takes nearly all of the strength in your huge canine arms to pull, but it eventually pops loose from the ceiling's dirty grip. You briefly lose your balance as it falls away; landing flat on your backside as the huge glistening gem mightily thuds the cavern's ground beside you.

You stare at the gem's clear white-blue surface; a full-blown diamond. A massive one. And you're the one who dug it up. As much as you'd like to lay claim upon it, you know you'd never be able to sneak it in the pocket of your tatty vest. But you can taste the bonus you'll be getting from your boss, that's for sure...

Rumble...

Your heart stops for a moment upon hearing that sound. Further up the cave, your workmates all lift their heads, perking up their ears; it seems that rumble wasn't your imagination.

When a rock crashes down mere inches away from you, your fears are confirmed.

"Everyone out, it's not safe here!" the foreman of your group barks, "Single file, help other dogs out if needed!"

Without needing to be told twice, the others grab whatever gems they dug up, and make their way to the exit. Likewise, you hoist the huge diamond under one arm and follow suit.

A mighty, ear-splitting crash sounds off behind you. Glancing back for a moment, you notice the place where you were stood not five seconds ago is nothing but rocks. Three thoughts occur. Thought number one; thank goodness there weren't any more dogs behind you. Thought number two; perhaps you were a little too careless digging up that diamond. Thought number three; Holy crap, hurry up and get out of there or you're going to die.

You're keen to listen to that third thought more than the other two. Using your free hand, you bound across the cavern floor like a wild animal running from a predator. In this case, said predator would be another falling chunk of the cavern's ceiling that just missed you by inches. Your eyes focus on the mouth of the cave, giving you something to work toward, distracting your from the sudden onset of exhaustion that threatens to slow you down... this gem is far heavier than you could've imagined, but that inherent foolishness that comes with the Diamond Dog's very nature refuses to let go of it.

Everyone else has made it into the daylight - rare as it is for your species to do such a thing - and you're the only one still in the cave. You can hear them yelling words of encouragement as the very world seems to tumble from above. Two swift clouts of pain ring from the back of your skull - one falling rock struck you, then another - but you're far too tough to let that stop you as you press on through the earthy debris.

Then tragedy; you hadn't noticed a single rock jutting out from the floor. So close to freedom, you trip and fall to the ground, landing flat on your face (not that your kin care about facial features or anything). Lifting your head up, your workers are reaching their paws out, trying to spur you back onto your feet, though none of them are brave enough to get back into the cave itself to help. You'd blame them... if you wouldn't do the same.

Before you can even think, a sickening CRUNCH cuts through the rumblings of the cave. Agony suddenly grips your left hind leg, and shoots though you like thunder; its rare to hear a Diamond Dog howl in pain quite so loudly. Amidst your struggle to recuperate, you look at the source of your pain; your left leg. A huge rock, almost the size of the cave's mouth itself, had crushed it during those few seconds you were sprawled on the ground. You can't even see the leg itself any more; just canine blood and... OH GODS, IS THAT BONE STICKING OUT!?!?

You stifle a cry of dismay at the damage before turning to your comrades just outside the entrance. None of them are spurring you on anymore; they all know a hopeless situation when they see it.

You know how to make the most from a losing situation too; in one last ditch effort to compensate for your slowness, you do the most Diamond Dog-like thing ever; you harness all of your remaining strength to fling the diamond you'd been carrying out of harm's way. By Tartarus, if you can't save yourself, may as well make the most from a lose-lose situation. Died like a true Diamond Dog.

The last thing you see before you're buried under rock is the diamond landing safely on the brown dirt at your bosses' feet.

*******

And once again, you wake up in a cold sweat.

Your shaking paw reaches out to the bedside lamp. Click. It takes a moment or two for your canine eyes to adjust to the light. You let your eyes wander as you lie in your soft bed, taking in the details of your room. Whatever takes your mind off... well, that.

Everything in this room is so... clean. There's not a rock nor a patch of dirt in sight. The room has windows - windows! - behind fancy light-blocking curtains. An ornate carpet covers the floor. A light, calming hue of paint covers the walls. A bookshelf, its books in no real order, covers one wall in particular. There's a wardrobe and some drawers, mostly empty save for a few vests; you Diamond Dogs seldom wear much else. Part of you wonders why ponies insist on having wardrobes; they aren't much better with the whole "clothing" thing.

Unless "fashion" is involved, then they don't shut their damned traps. But since you live in their territory now, you guess you'll have to put up with the locals.

Yes, moving to Canterlot sure was an odd move for a Diamond Dog such as yourself. Ever since that fateful incident, the other workmates managed to dig you out of the rubble with some... difficulties. Because of the condition you were in when they dragged you out of there, they could no longer accept you as a worker. Your boss however, as a sign of good faith, allowed you to keep the massive diamond you so foolishly rescued.

Luckily, said gem was worth way more than you thought; it managed to buy this luxury apartment in the rich sector of Canterlot, with all the bells and whistles one could ever ask for. That's the funny thing about ponies; they attach gems and rubies and whatnot to their fancy "fashion" dresses and saddles and whatever all the time, but if you show a particular gem, of a particular size, with a particular colouration, to a particular pony of particular wealth... they freak out and give you six-star accommodation for life in exchange for it. And a whole bunch of shiny gold things they call "bits". Ponies are weird, man.

Your train of thought then raises a valid point; you think the ponies are weird? Imagine what they must think of you. You've been living here for almost two months now, and most of them still stop and stare whenever you pass by. Heck, that's one reason why you've become completely nocturnal; a lot less ponies go out at night. That and the whole "sunlight" thing is rather irritating to a creature that's spent most of its life underground.

Speaking of night, you can sense the daylight fading from behind those drawn curtains. Sunset approaches, so you might as well get up now. You need new books from the Canterlot library anyway.

You pull back the silky-soft bedsheets, revealing the rest of your body. Same old Diamond Dog fur, though admittedly cleaner than it used to be. Same hulking great forearms and knuckles; a trait that any dog would be proud of. Same paws. Same tail. Same body.

The same old stump where your left leg used to be. Maybe that's what the ponies stare at.

Part 2: Shot in the Dark

Your long Diamond Dog arms pull out a metallic limb from under your bed. Sitting back, you snap it lazily onto your stump. You call it your "tin leg", although it's probably not made of tin. Much more likely it's some other smart-ass, lightweight, pony-made alloy. Who cares.

That prosthetic chunk doesn't really help you much in the way of mobility; in fact, you can move pretty easily without it, using your huge Diamond Dog forearms as a natural crutch. This metal thing slows you down, if anything, but at least it can provide something to lean on. as opposed to putting weight on your arms all the time. And if you're going to that old house - the "library" as you call it in front of the few ponies willing to lend an ear - it's best to have something to rest on after clambering up all those steps. Seriously, ponies are obsessed with showy staircases and towers and big, fancy buildings here.

At least there's no chance of a cave-in here. That's always good.

*******

Shortly after filling your stomach (hot buttery toast, with a focus on the butter), you pour some of your many bits into an empty backpack and pull open the door of your apartment. There's only a few flights of stairs which, since you're going down, is easy enough for you to navigate without too much hassle, not that many ponies would offer help to a hulking canine twice their size. There is, however, this one fellow that you met a few weeks ago...

"Oh, hey, nice to see you again, friend," a familiar face greets you at the ground floor; a slightly tired young donkey, heading back from his daily job. You think he runs a clothing or accessory shop? In Canterlot, it's rarely anything else. "Off to that library again?"

You smile and hum, practising your Let's-Not-Scare-Away-Ponies face, just in case you'll need it later. "No such thing as too much reading," you reply, "and it's that time when there's nobody on the streets but the, er, library is still open."

This is pretty much the best time of day for you - most inhabitants are well on their way home if not already there, so there's less eyes to pry at hobbling fur-bags with fangs and claws. Plus, the young ponies (er, colts? Fillies? Foals? Whatever they're called) are almost never outside at this time, so less tiny hooves pointing at you from a distance or, occasionally, running off screaming. Ugh.

Also, he doesn't need to know where you really get your books from.

"Well, have fun then," the donkey chimes before having a brief thought. "Say, perhaps you'd be interested in coming around to my apartment tomorrow night? We're having a cider-bash, and I'm sure there'll be plenty of locals who'd be willing to give you a chance. Heck, you might even catch the eye of some fine mares!"

You blink.

"Oh. Right." The donkey coughs in embarrassment, "I wasn't sure if you liked Equestrians or not, I was just throwing it out there..."

"Hey, don't worry about it," you wave away his blabbering with a paw, "I appreciate the invite. While I don't exactly chase mares, I can see the beauty in one. Thing is, I never make a move to hit on them because they never sniff my butt first."

Aaand that's what the face of a confused donkey looks like.

"That was a joke," you explain. "We don't sniff butts."

"Oh thank goodness, that was getting awkward..."

*******

The sky burns low with a dark, yet vivid shade of amber. The sun is taking a final bow before its daily departure beyond Canterlot mountains. Two brilliant figures stand side-by-side on the royal balcony overlooking the distant plains for Equestria. Both majestic, both beautiful, both different, yet the same. The elder - a godly white mare, tall and noble - bows her head towards the ending daylight, her horn softly glowing as she gives the sun one last push downwards

The younger of the two - respectably similar in stature, but with a dark blue coat that seemed to absorb any light to touch her - is already casting her own personal spell. Soon enough, the familiar alabaster orb rises from a distant horizon, slowly banishing the darkness the sun's absence left. One by one, specks of light flare up, coming to greet the moon, until the black canvas above is painted with constellations.

Night has arrived.

The tall white one breathes a sigh of relief, her duties of the day now finally at an end. Her counterpart's wings give a content flick; the hours of her own dominion have only just begun. Simultaneously, the two siblings turn away from the balcony, and return to their respective royal chambers.

"The usual schedule tonight, dear Luna?" the taller one asks. "The dreams of our subjects are usually calmest this time of year, so I'd say you have another easy night ahead of you."

Luna does little to hide the spring in her step; a night with few nightmares means a night free to herself. "Indeed I do, but worry not; I shall have plenty to occupy myself with, sister. Your protege's former home being my first stop, for example."

Celestia pauses for a moment, hoofsteps and all - did Luna just say..?

"Twilight's old home, before she moved away? Why in Equestria would you want to go there? It's been abandoned for years."

Luna chuckles. "Don't fret, sister. I simply want to see what Twilight's life was like before destiny called her to Ponyville. She spent most of her life behind those doors, after all."

Celestia quietly hums to herself in thought; of all the wondrous things about the modern age she had introduced to her sister, the idea of showing Luna the life and times of her savior - or rather, the unifier of the six elements that saved her - had never really occurred to her.

"And I assume you, sister," Luna continues, "will be with that new friend of yours tonight? That... suitor, as you call him?"

The elder goddess rolls her eyes. "Please, it's been over a hundred years since my last suitor. You speak as if I'd gotten over him yesterday. Besides, when are you planning to get one yourself? Surely it's been over a thousand years since your last... well, experience?"

The princess of the night simply shrugs. "That it has. I've never given it much thought, to be honest. I suppose my first new experience should be something that counts."

"Suit yourself, Luna. I'll be in my royal quarters. Don't come knocking."

*******

At this moment in time, you relish the fantasy of slapping the equine architect who thought it would be a good idea to put a home atop a huge, spiraling staircase. Since you come to this abandoned please at least three, maybe four times a week, this fantasy is a rather common one.

On the bright side, you're most likely healthy in terms of physical cardio because of this. It's fortunate that your beefy Diamond Dog forearms compensate for your missing rear leg, but the exhaustion when you reach the top? You thought you'd have been used to this by now.

You decide to take a break, as you so often do, near the top of the winding, pearly staircase. Sitting on the uppermost step, you rest your tin-leg at a comfortable angle and soak in the view of Canterlot's streets and buildings, the glimmering stars and moon above, the warm glow of the street-lamps below. A bustling city by day that, while some establishments are still open at this hour, still feels so quiet by night. Of course, quiet is just how you like it.

As much as you miss the camaraderie of other Diamond Dogs, and the familiar darkness of the caves, you admit this city is starting to grow on you, even if the inhabitants... well, aren't. And the sky, too - you used to feel uneasy with a sky being as high up as it is; the illusion of falling upwards forever is so stupid, but it still gave you chills. Now, you almost look forward to the cosmic dance of sky, especially at night. The stars that puncture the black sheet above like so many needles... the moon's assertive glow that lights up the surrounding clouds... the strange black shape swooping in your direction at an alarming rate oh gods WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?

You scramble down a couple of marble steps just in time for the strange figure to glide over you. It's a big flying pony - a pegasus? - as far as you can tell. Likely female, given the slender frame. While your canine eyes are usually great at picking out details in the dark, discerning this creature's fur against the night sky is a challenge in itself. The equine doesn't even seem to acknowledge your existence as it pushes the house's door open all mysterious-like. What, does she think she's better than you just because you're not from around here!? She'll come to regret that.

You take a deep breath and try to stand up, your mind and mouth ready to blast her ears with a selection of good, old-fashioned Diamond Dog slurs and insults. But as you try to find your feet, your tin-leg misses an alabaster step, causing you to stumble. That stumble becomes a fall, and that fall results in your face becoming painfully acquainted with smooth marble. Your grunt of pain is ignored entirely by the offending tall pony; she's already through the open door and out of sight.

That's when your grunt turns into a snarl.

Part 3: Trashed

The door to the former home clicks shut without so much as a creak - Twilight Sparkle, the former resident, had clearly taught the dragon how to care for the place. The dark blue mare's eyes scan the abode for a moment before nonchalantly browsing the many dusty books that were left behind.

So many books, each a well of knowledge for every flavor of spellcraft, every creature (magical or otherwise) and every historical document. Also... there's something else. On the table near the bookshelf, there seems to be a small pile of coins. Well-minted coins without a speck of dust on them. Now, a Royal Princess has no need for money, but that's certainly something out of the blue. Surely Twilight didn't leave all those Bits behind, did she...?

Luna's attention is then caught by a particularly obvious book - Predictions and Prophecies - lying open on a nearby book-stand, untouched for years, it seems. The book is open at the worst possible chapter she could ever hope to read. The Mare in the Moon.

Of all the pages... of all the chapters... of all the books in Equestria...

*******

Whatever that dark pony... thing was that flew over you a second ago, it now seems to be distracted by something. Even with only three legs, you effortlessly slide the door shut without a sound, and hastily crawl out of sight. Leaving your bag of Bits by the door, you take care not to knock your tin leg, held firmly in your fanged mouth, against anything that might give away your location.

This creature, most likely a pegasus of some kind, will probably run for the hills as soon as she sees you - most ponies do. You already have a plan formulating in your head - bop her lightly with your detachable limb, scaring her. Jump out from behind something all scary-like. Make her run away. Then you get to have your own little library in peace without trespassers like her!

Your diamond dog hunter's instinct has you slip by unseen, unheard, unnoticed. Hiding behind the various pieces of furniture, you spy your prey from the shadows. yes, that's a pony all right. Large. Winged. Female, perhaps? One of the most efficient ways you can tell pony genders apart is by looking at their eyes... however, this creature's back is turned to you. You can only tell her gender from behind.

Not that you'd complain about that sorta thing.

Okay, okay! Less starin' at her ass, more kickin' it, please. You retrieve the tin leg from your mouth, and carefully tune up your throwing-arm. Silently, you gauge a few practice-throws to yourself, then count to three in your head.

One... two... three!

Your metal limb is flung through the air with gusto, and collides with the pony's rump with expert accuracy. When you said you were gonna kick her ass, you meant it.

The mare - definitely a mare due to her suddenly confused yelp - stumbles around in a state of alarm, before tripping over the freshly-fallen tin leg itself! Perfect!

Sensing the perfect time to strike, you leap from the corner of the room over your panicked prey... and halt, suspended in mid air by some incandescent force. The mare turns to face you, teeth bared, wings flared... and horn glowing. Wait, ponies can have both!?

It's at this point in time you realize... you may have messed up.

She deftly flicks her horn down slightly. Your entire body collides with the ground. She flicks her horn back up, and you feel yourself sailing across the room at a "well-this-is-going-to-hurt" sort of rate. Your body comically splats against the wall, where it remains pinned by the magical forces that envelope you.

"Just who do you think you are!?" The mare strides towards you with all the confidence of a godlike entity, "To get the drop on ME, of all ponies!? What perverse jest did you think you were trying to commit!?"

She stops just short of you, her ferocious features betraying that of a beast almost as ferocious as you. "A childish - and might I say stupid - attack on me would surely result in me melting you with a thought! I can do that, you know-"

SMACK!

One of your free paws, uncontested by the magic pinning your torso up, leaves a deft pawprint against your rival's pretty face.

"Keep your voice down," you growl. "This is a library."

It takes a moment or three for her brain to process what just happened. She takes a few trots back, her face the absolute picture of disbelief. No hint of pain nor fear is present behind those eyes. Rather bewilderment and confusion. Her forehoof strokes the cheek you struck, as if she needed more proof of what just happened. Then she straightens her expression, an almost stoic transformation compared to her previous behavior. But her eyes? Trace amounts of what you'd call rage.

"Here's how this is going to work," she says, her voice unmoving in its pitch, "I could turn you into soup with a quick blast of magic, sure. But I don't want to do that. I'm simply not that sort of pony. Instead, I'll just tame you through a show of brute force. That is, of course, the only language you unthinking beasts understand. No magic, no tricks, just you and me. Then I will have you thrown in a dungeon, or perhaps just banished. Agreed?"

You consider... whatever the hell's going on right now. After a moment, you nod towards your metallic limb on the floor.

"Can I have my leg back first?" you ask. She looks between you, the synthetic limb, then you again.

"Are you some form of golem?" she raises an eyebrow.

"Are you some form of stupid?"

The mare blinks. Her expression changes from "rage" to "give him the damned thing back so I can sock him one fairly". She floats the limb up to you before finally unpinning you from the wall. Her magic dissipates.

You grasp the tin leg in a front paw, keeping yourself low to the ground with your natural limbs.

"Hurry up and reattach it before we begin," she snarls, "I'd rather defeat you while fighting on equal ground, as a representative of Equ-"

Too late. You are already bounding across the room towards your enemy, brandishing your tin leg as a club. You swing at her face with all your strength, but she swiftly dodges the blow with all the dexterity of a deer.

Your missed swing leaves you wide open - a dark blue hoof strikes you sharply in the side of your rib-cage. With a roar, you let out a backswing towards her, the tin leg glancing off the back of her head. She exclaims in shock, before charging forward with all her strength and throwing you to the floor.

The next thing you know, you're on the ground, the mare towering over your body. She kicks the metal from your paws, before laying into you with a hoof-punch to your chin. Then another.

As she winds up for a third punch, you anticipate her. Grabbing her wayward hoof mid-strike, you bury your teeth into her foreleg. She yelps in pain, which you quickly cut off via a good, clean uppercut. Just as she loses her balance, you pull her to the ground with you, positioning yourself on top of her. Your front paws, clenched as fists, play merry havoc with the side of her head, rapidly bouncing blow after blow off her skull. Suddenly you feel a jolt of pain in your stomach as her rear legs drive into your belly. That moment of hesitance is all she needs; another hoof-punch collides with your nose, causing you to recoil from the pain to explode across your face.

She scrambles free from under you, then shifts her weight to her front legs. You guess her attempt at her bucking you with her rear hooves. Just as she tries to kick you, a paw grabs one of the wayward legs. In a sheer fit of adrenaline, you swing her by her own leg and fling her at full speed towards a nearby bookcase. Her body thuds against the wooden shelves, causing every last book to tumble off. A moment later, she's buried under the avalanche of dusty literature.

As your opponent disappears from view, your senses begin to catch up. Suddenly, all the knocks and bruises from the fight start to throb quite painfully, to the point when you have to lie down...

You take a moment sprawled out on the floor to catch your breath. Then another. Then another. At first, you ponder if your last attack may have been a bit much - you only wanted her to leave, after all - but finally signs of movement show within the pile of books. A blue hoof bursts out from the mess of paper, before the rest of her crawls out from underneath.

Oh no, she's still around... time to get back up... But you can't. Instead, you can only drag yourself up to all-fours. Well, threes.

The pony numbly crawls towards you. She loses her balance twice on her way over, before she finally kneels no more than two feet away from you, wobbling slightly. You look into her eyes. She looks into yours.

"Still want to... go without magic, toots?" you taunt weakly. Talking makes your jaw hurt.

"You're stubborn, I'll give you that," the mare's voice didn't even seem pained, despite her inability to stand up straight. "But no, I think I have won this round. Thieves never prosper."

"Wait, what?" You could've sworn you heard something wrong among the dull throbbing in your head, "I'm not a thief! You are!"

The mare's face flinched, as if she'd just been punched. I mean again. "Pardon? No, that can't be right... you're trying to steal from my acquaintance's abode!" she jabs an accusatory hoof in your direction "You're breaking into her house to take her money!"

"What money?"

"That money!" You follow her point towards the gleaming coins sitting undisturbed on the table across the room.

"That's MY money, idiot!" you scoff, "I put Bits there whenever I borrow books from this place!"

Your words linger in the air for a while. You can see by the mare's expression that it's only just dawned on her...

She begins slowly: "So... that's your money..."

"...Yeah, I thought you were trying to steal it..."

"...and I thought YOU were trespassing, and that YOU were trying to steal it!"

"...so we both thought the other was a thief!"

The awkward ringing of silence fills the air between you both. Finally, both you and your opponent's faces contort into a smile. Then she chuckles, first quietly, then it grows to a fever-like laughter. You join in, unable to hold your own mirth anymore. What madness that just unfolded there was probably the funniest thing to happen to you in years! You laugh and laugh with her, your roaring guffaws and her melodic giggling being the only sounds in the abandoned library.

You belly-laugh until it hurts - though truthfully, that was probably because she kicked you in the stomach earlier - and finally, the two of you calm down.

"I - I still can't believe that," she smiles diligently. The way she's acting now, you wonder if you ever truly hurt her in the fight. "You thought a princess would possibly have need to be a thief!"

"Eh, I guess it is kinda... wait, you're a princess?"

"Was it not obvious?" the mare gestures towards her horn, and unfurls a wing as if that was supposed to mean something to you. "I mean, I was even threatening to throw you in the dungeons earlier..."

"Hey, I thought you were just being kinky or somethin'."

"What's a Kin-Key?"

"Never mind."

Part 5: So Tired

You and Luna just lie there on the library floor, talking about... well, everything. You talk about life in the old caverns, about your first big gem-find, your old acquaintances and the simple life you'd been given. Luna responds occasionally with her version of events; her days before banishment, the stifling etiquette of royal life, and the bizarre, foreign world of Canterlot compared to a millennia ago.

"The past is another country, I guess," you muse, turning towards the large window in the library. It's almost the size of the room itself, and through it, you can see every blinking street light below, and every twinkling star above, "I thought getting used to having a sky was bad. You had to cope with a new everything."

"You never saw the sky?" she asks.

"No. Well, yes. Sometimes," you mutter. "See, we spent so much time underground, whenever we spent too long above it, we'd get dizzy. We Diamond Dogs have this weird fear of falling into the sky forever. It's so big, and endless..."

"That's not weird," Luna shrugs. "A lot of ponies get that nightmare all the time. Trust me, I'd know."

"Oh." You suppose that's reassuring. "Well, in either case, I got over that big-open-space fear when I moved to Canterlot. Now, I'm kinda the opposite; can't stand being in that cave system anymore."

"Wow," the princess raises an eyebrow, "A complete jump from Agoraphobia to Claustrophobia just like that?"

"A gory phobe-whatnow?"

"A fear of open spaces. You know, like the sky."

"Right, right," you continue. "Well, since I lost my leg, I'm perfectly fine under the sky, thanks very much. I'd take the moon and stars over a cave ceiling any day."

"Thanks."

And for a short while, you say absolutely nothing. You watch the moon drift across the sky by itself, and the stars shift little by little. For all the time you spend cramped in your room, away from other ponies, the outside world still fascinates you now more than ever.

Luna's unnaturally quiet too. Unbeknownst to you, she simply appreciates someone, anyone, truly marveling at her night.

Eventually, she broke the silence; "You mentioned your leg before."

You turn away from the window, back to the large mare. "Yeah?"

"What happened to it?"

You can't say you're completely shocked by the question; you have very few friends, but all of them end up asking about it one way or the other. You guess you'll just tell her what you told them.

"It was a cave-in," you explain. "Everyone else made it out except me. I was close to the exit though, so when the collapse happened, they were able to dig me out from the rubble. Well, most of me," you wave the stump of your left leg. "Didn't like the idea of living in the caverns after that, so I left."

For most of the ponies you'd explain your leg to, this is where you'd end your story. But something about Luna, maybe her eyes, are attentiveness, or maybe just her, compels you to add a little more.

"I, uh, thought about it a lot afterwards. Sometimes I'd even have dreams about it. Nightmares, I guess."

Luna's ears twitched at that word. Nightmares. She props herself up, and joins you by the window.

"How often do you have these nightmares?"

"Once a week, maybe twice," you say. Honestly, it was much more than that, but the princess seems to be much more concerned about it than you are. Best not to make her worry.

Luna spends a moment in thought. "You know, I've never been inside a Diamond Dog's mind before."

"Hey, I'm happy someone's actually willing to listen," you utterly misconstrue what she meant.

"I'm not even certain I can enter non-pony minds."

"Eeh?"

Luna ignores your grunt - her mind is already formulating something. "Come back here tomorrow night," she says. "I'll help you with that nightmare problem; just a thanks for spending the night with this old mare."

"Oh? Sure!" you smile. You have nothing better to do tomorrow, anyway. Spending another night with a princess is a jackpot in your book. "I'd be happy to. I guess you need to read up on Diamond Dog brains before trying it today, huh?"

"Today?" Luna asks. Then she turns to the window, just as the dawn breaks behind the distant mountains. Her jaw drops. Her wings flare in a panic.

"Oh my goodness! The sun! It's rising and the moon's still up there! I should've taken it down by now!"

She bolts herself upright, and undoes the wide window with her hooves. "I'm sorry I have to leave like this! You've been wonderful company, but I simply must attend to my duties as princess!"

"W-wait!" you call out to her. "I gotta ask you something!" For the whole night, you've had this one question burning in your mind. If you don't ask her now, you may never have the chance to ask her again.

She hesitates on the precipice of the window ledge, and turns her head back. "Speak quickly."

You take a deep breath, and ask her; "How old are you, exactly?"

A long moment of silence from her. Luna's either in shock or thought, it's hard to tell with her.

"The nightmare first," she finally says. "I'll fix your nightmare, and then I'll fix your manners."

And against all probability, you could've sworn she just winked at you. Too late to be sure though; a moment later, she steps out of the window, falling for a moment, before her wings spread out, and she soars towards the highest tower in the city. Just like that, Princess Luna is gone.

You'd better be going too - soon the locals will be going about their daily routines, and you could do without their gawping.

Before you leave, you close the window behind her. Canterlot's up a mountain, after all. It's chilly sometimes, damn it.

It's a good job Luna's hot then, am I right?

...Whoa, where did that thought come from? I mean, yeah, she has one heck of a pony's form, but- yeah, butt too.

That's it. You're digging out the old magazines again later. Ya horny dog.

*******

-The echo of claws upon stone rattles through the complex of caverns - the air smells dank with dirt - you continue with your task alongside your fellow canine cave-dwellers - the slightest glimmer from the corner of your eye - this hulking beauty of a gem - yank the whole gem out - the gem's clear white-blue surface, a full-blown diamond - you can taste the bonus you'll be getting from your boss-

-Rumble - Your heart stops - wasn't your imagination - a rock crashes down - your fears are confirmed - "Everyone out, it's not safe here!" - "Single file, help other dogs out if needed!" - you hoist the huge diamond under one arm and follow - a mighty, ear-splitting crash - get out of there or you're going to die-

-You bound across the cavern floor - the mouth of the cave - this gem is far heavier than you could've imagined - everyone else has made it - the very world seems to tumble from above - Two swift clouts of pain ring from the back of your skull - you trip and fall to the ground - a sickening CRUNCH - agony suddenly grips your left hind leg - shoots though you like thunder - fling the diamond - died like a true Diamond Dog - buried under rock - the diamond landing safely on the brown dirt-

*******

And once again, you wake up in a cold sweat. The light's already on this time; you remember being so tired after spending the whole night socializing more that you've done since you got here, that you couldn't even bother turning the light off. Heck, you didn't even bother eating your supper before collapsing. There it is, with only the odd bite taken out of it!

Welp, you suppose it's breakfast now.

Peeking through the curtains, you realize it's late afternoon, which is earlier than usual for your nocturnal self. You pass the time with one of the many books you've borrowed from the library. And maybe the odd magazine too.

What? You read Playpony for the articles, you swear.

Hey, this issue looks promising. You don't even remember buying this one; a slender cover-mare pulls a sultry pose on the front cover, two turquoise, come-hither eyes complimenting her cheeky smile. Her face is more defined than most ponies you've seen, her snout more pronounced than the average mare. Her mane is blue, almost ethereal, like a night sky, and her dark blue body is shaped like that of a goddess.

Wait, a minute, that's... Luna!? What's she doing on the cover of Playpony!?

Strange. You've never seen this issue before, yet it's so tempting just to take a peek.

Remaining in your bed, you flick open the magazine, expecting an article or at least something to explain this... instead you're met with the most beautiful image of the night's princess you've ever seen. Every part of her is perfect, from her horn to her hooves. No words or other images are even hinted at on this page. You flip onto another page and, yes, that's her again. It's all Luna, the entire issue. For every page you turn, she ends up looking more wondrous, more stunning, more curvaceous... more tempting.

See, there's her on a hot summer's beach, the sun-lotion causing her hips to glisten. And there she is pole-dancing, the very dexterity of those poses giving you so many ideas. Another page turn, and now she's lying on satin sheets, lightly-colored lingerie somehow making her sexier than she was without clothes at all! And look, more pages..!

You're not even partway through this mysterious magazine, and yet each image of her, wearing so much risque apparel, makes you feel hotter and hotter. Swimsuits. Latex. Lingerie. You name it and she's posed for it. Eventually, the recurring model stops wearing such foreplay-related clothing, instead just bearing herself in all her sensual glory, her every inch taunting you with her wiles.

A small moan escapes your lips. Your left paw turns yet another page, yet another glorious shot of Luna's form.

Your right paw, at this point, is very much preoccupied.

Soon, the lust becomes too much to keep inside. You want her. You want to do everything to her. And want to make her squeal with pleasure, until you're ready to burst...

"I had no idea you thought of me that way," said Luna, standing over your bed.

You yelp in surprise, jolting from her sudden appearance. The magazine is flung from of your paw and falls open on the ground, giving the real Luna a great view of her printed self spread-legged on a fancy mattress.

"It's not what it looks like," you lie lyingly. Also, please remove your right paw from, er, yourself now, that's no longer appropriate. There we go.

"You missed our meeting!" Luna scowls. "It's night, you said you'd meet me back at the library! When you didn't show up, I was so worried, but now I see you're, well, fantasizing about me!?"

"N- no!" you stutter, "I haven't missed anything! It's still daylight! Why are you even here-!?"

Your words fall away when you pull back the curtains to show her the sky outside. To show her Canterlot in daytime. Instead, outside your windows is nothing but a dirty cavern wall.

Your chest tightens. You turn back to your bed. It's not there anymore. Just more caves. No apartment walls. No bookcases. Just dirt and stone. The Diamond Dog caverns.

"Don't you understand?" Luna exclaims. "It's a dream! You're still asleep!"

Part 6: No More Tears

Panic swells in your chest as your Canterlot room melts away, revealing the reviled cave that you've dreamed of too many times before. The carpet beneath your feet completes it's transformation into dirt... wait, feet? You have both legs here. Luna wasn''t lying - it's definitely a dream.

You frantically look left and right for the exit, before the rest of the dream has a chance to play out. Which way did you even come from!? Nowhere; you were just... here.

"Luna!" you try to shout, but the words shrivel in fear, "This is it! This is the part when I find that diamond and..."

"You seem anxious," the princess says nonchalantly, "Very much different to what you were like a few minutes ago. Would you like a filthy magazine to calm your nerves?"

"Lu- argh, Princess Luna, please!" you beg, "I can't go through this again! No matter what I try, I can't stop myself from re-living it! Every night I just... just wake me up before-"

A glimmer in the corner of your eye cuts you off. You know what it is without even needing to look up. That beautiful diamond. That terrible diamond.

Despite every fiber in your body screaming to run away, to resist, you cannot help but reach out for it. Your paws firmly grasp the accursed rock, ready to bring the whole cave down once again.

A dark-blue hoof reaches out. "What are you doing!?" she exclaims, "You're going to set off your own nightmare again!"

Your head slowly turns toward her. You look Luna square in the eyes.

"Help me."

And then you pull.

"Wait! WAIT-!" Luna yells. But it doesn't do much; as soon as the diamond comes loose, she phases from existence on the spot. It's too late. You've set the chain of events in motion, just as you do every night.

That familiar rumble. A rock crashes down beside you. It starts all over again. Get out of there or you're going to die. Not that it makes a difference.

You bound across the cavern floor, enjoying the fact you have two rear legs while you still can. The mouth of the cave is in view, but you know you're not going to make it. You never do.

Two swift clouts of pain ring from the back of your skull, making you trip and fall to the ground. You were expecting it. A sickening CRUNCH; that would be the boulder that crushes your leg. You fling the diamond to safety for the thousandth time, just to get the dream over with.

And finally, the rest of the cave comes tumbling down. Nothing has changed.

*******

Your eyes flick open. After a moment of adjustment, two things come into view - the dull ceiling of your Canterlot apartment and the concerned face of an almighty mare.

"Thanks goodness for that," Luna sighs as you throw back the bed-cover, revealing the stump where your leg used to be. Yes, this is real. It's no longer a dream. You never dream of the stump.

"I've seen ponies have recurring nightmares many times before, but you're a special case," the princess of the night continues. "You were even shivering and weeping in the waking world!"

"I... wasn't weeping!" you growl, hauling yourself out of bed. "Diamond Dogs don't weep."

"But your eyes-"

"That's, uh, sleep dust," you wipe away any traces of the contrary, and change the subject, "Anyway, I thought you were supposed to stop me getting crushed!"

"It was your dream, though," she replies. "I could only do so much there. Gracious, at one point you even forced me out of your own dream just so you could complete the recurring nightmare!"

"That... that was me?" you raise an eyebrow inquisitively, to show that you're intrigued rather than genuinely shocked, "But you're the princess of dreams! How could I boot you out of your home turf?"

"Dreams are, indeed, my forte," she nods. "However, I'm not accustomed to a Diamond Dog's dreamscape. I admit, my power there is quite..."

"Limited?"

"Stifled. How to put this..? If being in a pony's dream is like swimming through water, a Diamond Dog's dream is like swimming through thick cream. It's so difficult to get used to, faltering was unavoidable."

"So... when my apartment turned into the nightmare, that was all me?"

"I'm afraid so. And you can't seem to control the act of pulling the diamond out whenever you see it. Sadly, I do not know enough about Diamond Dog dreams to remedy this. Sorry." This is the first time you've seen Luna look genuinely apologetic. It's kind of sad to see someone as great as herself get stumped with an issue that she should be doing so well with. As magnificent and royal and powerful as she is, you actually want to give her a hug. Of course, her stunning beauty factors into that...

Wait. You've just had a horrible thought.

"A-and the sexy magazine thing?" you cough.

"Also all you."

"Damn," you curse, before remembering the whole talking-to-royalty thing. "I'm really sorry about that, I had no idea, and I'm not sure how much control I had over that in the first place... and I would very much not like to get banished to Tartarus for that, if it's cool with you."

Honestly, a normal individual would expect someone like Luna to be very displeased with bringing up that subject again. But against all possibilities, she just smiles. No, it's more of a cheeky smirk hidden behind that royal formality.

"That's quite alright," she reconciles, "I truly didn't expect you to think of me so... fondly. You'd be surprised how often I wander into a pony's dream to see them living out a similar fantasy. It's perfectly natural."

"Seriously? How many ponies have you caught... er," you choose the next few words carefully, "doing that sorta thing to you? A dream version of you, I mean."

She has a silent intake of breath, ready to answer, but then she freezes on the spot. Her expression takes a turn for the confused and serious, as if she's just been slapped with something invisible.

"I've... seen other ponies fantasize about other ponies all the time," she mutters slowly. "But I've... never seen anypony do it with me before. I think you're actually the first one I've ever witnessed..."

Suddenly, she goes eerily quiet. An unfortunate epiphany; the only individual in Equestria that truly finds her attractive is the only one that never knew her prior to her Nightmare Moon years. No matter how much they say they forgive her, they still have that tinge of fear that freezes their hearts in her presence. Maybe she's still a monster to them.

Luna, her face is as expressionless as an untouched stone, finally talks; "We'll work on your nightmare issue again. I'm free tomorrow evening." Without stopping to say goodbye, she makes her way to your window-pane before effortlessly climbing out of it. "I'm free every bloody evening."

And with that, she's gone. Now you have to spend the rest of your night with your thoughts. You sit back on your bed; standing around isn't so fun when you're missing a leg.

Honestly, it had never occurred to you that no other ponies find her hot. I mean come on, she might have a chilly demeanor, and might seem old-fashioned... and might threaten to melt you with a spell if you ever get in a fight with her... but she's got the smarts, wisdom, powers - not to mention curves - of a goddess! Surely there's somepony out there who'd be a perfect match, right?

Right!?

Three gentle taps echo on your apartment door. That's rare. Out of courtesy, you clip on your nearby tin leg before hobbling to answer it.

"Oh hey, there you are!" a cheerful donkey's face greets you. "I was just wondering if you're still up for that cider bash I mentioned earlier."

In all fairness, you had completely forgotten about his invitation. But at this point, cider sounds good.

"Sure, why not?" you grin, baring your canine canines.

Not five minutes later, and you're being ushered through your friend's apartment door. You take a deep breath, steeling yourself for the inevitable awkward stares from the ponies within... but as soon as you step into the main room you have to do a double-take.

Jaunty music is playing via a classic record player in the background - not overly loud, but enough to make you notice the soundproofed walls from the outside. Ponies make up only a third of the inhabitants; donkeys, griffons, zebras, buffalo, a minotaur... your canine senses even spot three breezies having way too much fun with a single shot-glass of cider. A pony in the background strikes a pose, then transforms into a completely different pony in a flash of light; a few nearby watchers laugh with the changeling. Someone nearby even mentions a "dragon making homemade popcorn" in the kitchen.

"What a bunch of misfits and freaks we got here," you say aloud. "I love it."

"I figured you'd like it," your donkey friend smiles. "Just remember, you're never really alone out there in Canterlot. Oh, and I'm heading into the dining room to play some poker. Wanna join?"

You turn down the offer. A dog like yourself playing poker? Dogs don't do that sort of thing. That's just crazy talk. Besides, you still want to mingle with these new faces.

*******

A changeling sits to the left of you, sipping just the barest amount of cider from his glass like nectar from a plant. To your right, a full-sized buffalo drains yet another mug and confidently flirts with the nearby ponies. You're honestly surprised with how well he's succeeding at it. Meanwhile, you give a fistful of Bits to the minotaur, who had just offered to do another cider run; a donation to keep the party going.

"I'm glad these sort of parties exist," the changeling hisses, in an accent that could only be described as a-snake-chewing-tinfoil-getting-kicked-down-the-stairs. "There's a lot of acceptance here, which is laced with enough love to keep the hunger away."

"I can't believe it's taken me so long to find a place like this," you reply for the sake of conversation. "It sucks to think that there are still beings out there that who feel alone. Or feared."

Feared. That word alone conjures a hundred ponies' faces in your mind. Ninety nine of then have fear behind their eyes as you pass by on the street. Some are pointing, others are staring, and some simply cross the street from you. One face, however, does none of those.

Luna. She knows what it was like. The Nightmare Moon debacle. You were the only one that didn't know about her past before meeting her.

You entertain the possibility of inviting her to the next cider bash. Nah, she wouldn't even fit in with these folk either, the mixed bag that they are - while these beings are all species and races that cause a second glance on the street, they're not a legend of their own. Not like her. Even among them, she'd still be an outcast.

You could live among these small, but living, breathing cultures of Canterlot easily. But if it meant you'd have to leave Luna by herself?

No one deserves that. All the princess formalities and trinkets in the world cannot stifle loneliness. You learned that much from that accursed diamond.

Your mind's made up. Tipping the rest of your cider down the hatch, you bid no one in particular a good night, and amble for the door. You should get some rest; tomorrow is going to be a little different.

Also, just ignore the fact that you accidentally knocked the record player on the way past it - the whole room noticed the obvious skipping sound.

Part 7: Don't Start Too Late

Digging... diamond... pull it out... cave collapsing... running... you see the exit... rocks falling... crushing... fling the diamond...

*******

For the first time in a very long time, you wake up in the morning.

Okay, it's 11.45am, but still, that's good for a nocturnal guy like yourself. You lazily rub your stump, formerly your leg; yes, that same nightmare happened for the thousandth time. And if Luna's coming back tonight, you intend to make it your last.

Despite the visits from Luna, the almost surreal cider bash, and the fact that your mind was whirring all night as you lay in bed, you feel strangely invigorated. This time, instead of loafing around until you feel safe to leave your abode, you intend to put a plan into action. Stretching yourself out of bed, you hastily clip on your tin leg and get ready to leave the apartment. In daylight. With ponies walking the streets. This'll be a fun freak-show for them.

Or... maybe not. Somehow, you doubt you'd mind the stares as much; you know you're not the only non-pony in Canterlot. Anyway, with what you have in mind, you have to go shopping while everywhere is open, so you'd have to brave it either way. No time like the present; you know just where to start.

*******

Ding-a-ling!

The fancy shop door swings open, gently tapping the bell hanging over the door. A very familiar donkey sits behind the counter, giving the usual service-with-a-smile look that everyone in the business is expected to make, despite some rather obvious bags under his eyes.

"Hello, and welcome to The Smart Ass, how can I help y-" he stirs himself when he finally realizes who you are. "You!"

"Yep. Me." you grin toothily. You reckon he knows you well enough not to be scared of your fangs - he invites changelings and dragons to booze-ups, for Dog's sake.

"This is an unexpected surprise," he smiles - this time genuinely - at your arrival. "How did you like the Cider Bash last night?"

"It was good. Enlightening." You shrug, noting just how tired he looks. "I guess you were partying longer than I was, though."

"You could say that..." he smirks in a self-congratulatory way. "I was with this stunning mare at the bash. We played some card games, danced a while. Best poker face you've ever seen, and she was a hottie to boot! Totally into yours truly as well. A real traditional mare from... well, I'm rambling, aren't I?"

"Yeah. You are."

"Oh." He takes a moment to recover from your bluntness. "What, er, brings you to my humble clothes shop?"

"Clothes." The stupid-answer-to-a-stupid-question situation unveils itself like an extremely self-aware butterfly. You decide to follow up with; "Fancy clothes. Ones that you'd go to a really nice restaurant in, but not the snooty kind of restaurant."

"Say no more, pal." he chirps, beckoning you to a section of the shop. "Follow me, I know a great selection. But uh, this will mostly be tuxedo tops, as it is quite difficult to fit you with tuxedo pants."

"Why? Because I'm missing a leg?"

"No, because almost none of the ponies here actually wear fancy pants. Not even Fancy Pants."

*******

The last orange light of the evening starts to fade from the sky. After a few moments, the moon will show itself from beyond the horizon. And then the princess of the night will be free to join you again. This old library has the best views from its window.

You nervously fidget with one of your many gold coins, before stuffing it back into your snazzy tuxedo pocket, perfectly stitched on the inside of the jacket. Try to calm yourself down. Breathe in, breathe out. Stop tapping your paws on the nearest surface out of anxiety. This was a plan that you made for Luna. She needs this.

Finally, you hear the semi-open window creak, and swing wide. The beautiful, dark alicorn herself swoops in, and latches the window back in place. She's just as stunning as the last time you saw her.

"I apologize for the rather curt remarks when I left last time," she says, "but the sooner we fix this issue with your nightmares, the sooner we can both... return... to..." her word trail off when she sees your attire, a smooth-looking tux (minus the pants), well-washed fur and hair, and your prosthetic limb - the tin-leg - polished to a mirror shine. "...normalcy."

She blinks once, twice.

"My friend, what in Equestria are you wearing?"

"Oh, this?" you try the most charming, nonchalant voice a Diamond Dog can muster, "Well, I got to thinkin' last night, that neither of us go out much, because of who we are. But then I realized it's so much easier to go out when you have someone to go out with, right? So, uh, just this once, I thought we should... y'know, hit the town together. Go to see the nightlife without caring about what others think of us."

Luna's eyes look you up and down again, her bewilderment replaced by bemusement. "Are you... asking me for a date?"

Luckily, you have an answer prepared for this very question; "I dunno."

"Pardon?"

"I said I dunno whether I'm asking for a date. That's totally up to you. Wanna roam from one bar to another, getting drunk? That's fine. Fancy restaurant and caviar? That's good too. All that matters is you get to have the night to yourself for once, instead of trying to fix ponies' dreams all the time."

The princess raises an eyebrow. "And what if this is some ruse? I haven't forgotten the magazine debacle, I know exactly how much you like me, in that sense. What if you're just trying to get closer to me?"

"Maybe I am," you reply. "But it doesn't matter one bit in the end. You're the powerful princess, and I'm just... well, a beast. We both know you could whoop me with a single spell. And like I said before, I don't know if I'm asking you for a date, or just a night out. That's up to you. And I'm fine with either."

For a few seconds, Luna's mind ticks a thousand thoughts behind her eyes. Yet Luna remains as stoic as ever. Another moment passes. She opens her mouth to reply, or retort.. heck, perhaps even insult. But then nothing; she purses her lips again and thinks.

Finally, she takes a deep breath, and speaks slowly; "Normally, I would only use a teleportation spell for an emergency. However, I believe one could use it in this situation too."

"Huh?"

"Grant me fifteen minutes." And with that, she vanishes in a flash of white and icy blue magic, leaving you to wonder what just happened.

Fifteen minutes? Sure, but why? Is that a yes or a no to it being a date? Is it a yes or no to even a harmless night out? She didn't give you a straight answer.

And so the longest fifteen minutes ever starts. Perhaps she's getting ready for the night out herself? Maybe, but what would she need to get ready with? She's already perfect. Perhaps she just needed the bathroom first? Eh, that's possible too. Wait, what if she's just using that as an excuse to get away from you? What if she doesn't come back!? What if she's actually getting her bat-pony guards so they could arrest you for attempting to court the almighty princess of the night!? Nah, that's not right. If she really sought to do harm, she'd just magic-beam you in the face and be done with it.

Exactly fourteen minutes and thirty-seven seconds later, another bright flash lights the dim library. Standing there, in the centre of the room, is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen - moreso than the most flawless diamond.

Luna stands elegantly, yet firmly next to you. Her ears are adorned with silver, inlaid with turquoise gemstones that match her enchanting eyes, which in turn seem to pierce your exterior and cause your heart to skip. A black dress drapes itself around her body, as if she had tamed the blackest smoke into silk. Her lips, shimmering from just the right about of lipstick, are gently curved into a smile.

Her half-lidded eyes flutter in your direction: "I must be honest with you. I have not been asked for a date in over a thousand years. And while I would consider it an honour, I really should warn you; there are some rather sensationalist ponies living in Canterlot. We might just attract the wrong kind of attention unless we dine with an alibi."

You pick your jaw up from the floor. "Uh, I think I understand. I don't really want to face paparazzi, nor have my mug plastered on a gossip magazine. But if we used a cover..."

"Precisely," Luna nods. "And so, as Princess of both Equestria and the night, I hereby grant you the temporary title of Diamond Dog Ambassador. For this night, at least for the duration of our... Pony-and-Diamond Dog Social Relations Meeting."

And then, against your expectations, the stunning mare leans closer to you and whispers in your ear: "Of course, between you and I, we are definitely calling this a date. I just want to make that very, very clear."

Her warm breath against your ear causes a tingle to run up your spine, in the good way.

Part 8: Flying High Again

The night air whips around you as Luna dives through the star-specked sky, her wings outstretched to catch the breeze at just the right time. You hold onto her tightly, clenching your disconnected tin-leg securely in your powerful canine jaws. The many tiny street-lights of Canterlot flicker in the darkness below you both; a surreal sight for a Diamond Dog, but oddly natural for any winged citizen of the city. Perhaps that's why you trust Luna with her flight; she's used to it.

Eventually, Luna's hooves touch down at the cobblestone streets of outer Canterlot, away from the hubbub of the city's main plateau. The relaxed clatter of a tavern-turned-restaurant churns from around the corner, accompanied by the melody of a unicorn magically plucking the strings of an acoustic guitar. You carefully release your grip on Luna, lowering yourself to the ground and snapping on your prosthetic limb. As soon as you're upright, you offer a kind foreleg to the princess. She takes it with such ladylike dignity, that it would be considered a reflex to her.

"A nice place," you muse, walking with her into the nearby establishment. There were plenty of empty tables, but still plenty of patrons to warrant interest. "Not too snooty, but not too shabby either."

"I thought you'd like it," Luna grins, "I've always wanted to come here myself, but I've never had anypony else to go with, and a princess would look so very out-of-place here alone."

"Let's hope it meets your expectations then, your... " (quick, think of a cool word for a night princess!) "...starry-ness."

Hey, she knows you're new to this. You make no attempt to ignore her reaction; a stifled snort that would've easily become a giggle a moment later.

Luna selects a nice outside table for two, under her stars and moonlight. The centre of said table was adorned with a thin, red candle that had only recently been lit. A few ponies from nearby tables had already noticed the two of you, and while there were hushed whispers and the feeling of eyes watching you; as soon as you turned to face them, they would suddenly find their food or their menu a much more interesting thing to look at.

No sooner had your two rumps touched the seats, did a unicorn waiter come over to hoof over two menus.

"Greetings, welcome to the Starglow! Can I offer you anything to drink before we take your orders?"

"Yeah," you reply, "have you got any dark beers?"

"Of course!" he chirps, his nearby levitating pencil scrabbling the sheets of a notepad, "And anything for the lovely lady- AAAH!"

As soon as the waiter's eyes catch the dark horn and wings of the princess of the night, he recoils - much like one would do watching a jumpscare in a horror movie - before swiftly composing himself and picking his pencils and notepad off the floor.

"Did I say 'aaah!'? I meant 'Ah!' Princess Luna, what a lovely surprise to see you in our humble establishment!"

Nice save, idiot.

Luna, without batting an eyelid, pretends the whole thing never happened; "You mentioned drinks, if I'm correct? Do you still make honey wine these days? It's been an age since I've enjoyed some."

The hapless unicorn blinks once, twice, and then; "Oh! Mead! Yes, of course we have that! I'll be right back, feel free to browse the menu in the meantime!"

And away he goes. Fastest nonchalant trot you've ever seen.

Luna half-heartedly flips through the starters section of her menu. "You see what happened just now? That's why I agreed to date you tonight."

You ask her to elaborate in your most prudent fashion; "Huh?"

"Most ponies still see me as Nightmare Moon, even if the darkness within me has long since passed," she leans back in her chair. "But you? You're one of the very few who can see me for who I am. You saw me, spoke to me, even fought me before knowing my past, and thus your interpretation of me remains... untarnished..."

"Hey. Luna."

Her bright, green-blue eyes meet yours. You freeze for a moment, not out of fear, but in appreciation for such beauty. This is it. You have the attention of the single more beautiful goddess that walks this magical land, and she needs your help with this problem. She's been helping you with your nightmare issue for a while, so you'll be damned if you don't give her your help right now. You breathe in, and give her the best advice a Diamond Dog could ever possibly comprehend!

"Screw those jerkbags."

Said bright, green-blue eyes raise an eyebrow.

"If they can't see the stunning mare right in front of their noses because of something their grandparents' grandparents'... grandparents' - eh, you get the point - weren't even alive to witness, then they aren't worth your time. Screw 'em."

Luna lets those words hang in the air for a while as she mulls them over; "You know, my sister would always tell me not too judge the foolish so harshly. No one is born with prejudice, after all."

(Wait, is she calling you foolish?)

"And yet, here I am in a restaurant I was too hesitant to go into. Because I was afraid of having to react to their fears alone, surrounded by a city of the brightest, most educated ponies this side of Equestria. And a Diamond Dog from the caverns is smarter than all of them."

(Oh good, she's calling THEM foolish. That's okay.)

You open your mouth to compliment her, but the unicorn waiter returns with haste, professionally levitating a foaming mug of dark beer, a bottle of mead and an empty glass to the table.

Luna inquisitively opens her bottle as you take a swig of your own dark, hoppy drink. As much as you like your own Diamond Dog beer, Equestrian beer is so much better. Less mud and rocks in it, for starters.

"So, they call it 'mead' these days." Luna hums, "let's see if it's still as delectable as I remember."

And with that, she tips the bottle and pours.

*******

The meals had arrived halfway through Luna's mead bottle, and just as you'd ordered a third pint. Luna chose a fresh, hoof-made hayburger - something that would never be considered in the Royal Palace. You'd ordered the fish - a choice usually reserved for griffons - just to see how Luna would react to you eating meat. She hardly gave it a second thought, chalking it up to you just being a Diamond Dog. An open mind; she's a keeper.

Once the food was out of the way, and yet more mead and beer had been brought in, you and Luna remain at your table and, well, talk. You're reminded of the first time you met Luna - after the initial miscommunication and fight, of course - where you just lay down on the abandoned library floor together, rambling and reminiscing. You hadn't done this with her for a while now; most of your time with her was spend trying to overcome your own nightmares. You miss not having to worry about that.

You're not worrying about that right now, of course. This date, this dinner, this time spent with her... it's far more effective at forgetting your woes more than anything else. It's not Luna's control over dreams that can help you - it's Luna.

Time, and the lit candle, starts to wind down. Luna's beautiful face is illuminated by the candle's whispering flame, as if the goddess herself is glowing like her moon. You could just sit and listen to her firm, yet gentle voice forever. Her smile, her laughter, her half-lidded gaze looking right into your soul. Could this night be any more perfect?

As you're draining another mug, something catches your canine ear. The acoustic guitarist is finishing off his nightly playlist with a passionate flamenco piece. A few ponies start clacking their hooves on the ground to the rhythm, while others are even getting up to dance. A quick glance suggests that the dancers are all romantic couples. This is it. That is what you were waiting for.

You raise a charming eyebrow towards your date; "Do they teach princesses how to dance in Canterlot?"

"No, but We doubt anypony would dare utter a complaint," Luna grins, her face blushing in the candlelight.

"We?"

Luna hesitates, one eye blinking slightly slower than the other. She glances at the third mead bottle she's had so far.

"Honey wine is stronger than We remember," she says, doing surprisingly well to keep herself composed, despite the drink. "But that only makes One more confident in her dancing abilities! Thou care to join Us?"

Luna's already out of her seat when you agree. You eagerly stand yourself up and step towards a clearing away from any obstructive tables- THUD!

You collapse in a heap on the cobblestone floor. Strange; you're not even that drunk. You just feel kinda numb down your left leg.

"My goodness!" Luna gasps, "Art thou injured?"

"Nah, my leg's just asleep."

You look down at the offending limb... to find that it simply isn't. Of course. It's your tin-leg. You were having so much fun with Luna that you'd forgotten entirely about it; she's that perfect. You stubbornly pick yourself up. If any other ponies were watching, you'd insist that it would never have happened, not that there are many who would contest you on it.

"So," you declare, "the dance!"

Luna blissfully places one fore-hoof on your shoulder, letting you hold her by the other. One of your paws gently rest on her opposite shoulder, while the other tenderly wraps around her back, just above her hips. And you dance.

Despite the energetic strumming that flows from the flamenco guitarist, each pace and step of the dance is slow to compensate for your lack of dexterity. Luna doesn't seem to care, and at this point, neither do you. The plucks of the guitar washes over your ears. Luna's beautiful smile, complimented by the calm moonlight. The cool night breeze gently sways her ethereal hair, as if her mane didn't already look stunningly windswept.

Even with your - and Luna's - inebriation, each step of the dance felt regally precise, meaningful and rhythmic. The perfect accompaniment to the rest of the night. Slowly but surely, you find yourself becoming closer to Luna, and not in the figurative sense; every moment that passes by sees Luna's facing inching closer and closer to your own. Eventually, her head rests peacefully on your free shoulder, feeling your heartbeat that races through your veins.

The song ends to cheering and applause from the rest of the dancers, as they return to their respective tables. You and Luna just stand there for a short while longer, letting the rest of the world fade into obscurity.

Finally, her head rises from being nestled in your shoulder. "Thank you for taking me out on this date tonight," she whispers in your ear. "I needed it."

Your canine fingers caress Luna's angelic face, "Thank you for giving me this chance in the first place." It takes a moment to prepare for the next few words: "And for helping me in more ways I could've ever asked for."

Luna's eyes lock onto your own. The whole world seems to fall still, as if there's nothing besides you and Luna there at all. You can feel her cool breath on your face. Her fore-hoof, still holding your shoulder, pulls you just that little bit closer to her. Your free paw gently takes her head, and slowly inches it towards your own. Her eyelids flicker shut. Her lips part.

And in that tense moment, your mouth meets hers. You feel her muscles relax, swooning with the pure joy of your connected lips. Her tongue and yours meet mutually, in a gentle, wet stroke against one another. Her impressive wings unfold out of sheer instinct, before wrapping around you and pulling you ever closer. You wrestle your tongue with hers for just a little longer, playfully stroking one another's in turn. Such a wonderful feeling...

Somewhere in the distance, you hear what seems like thunder. It takes a moment to recognise the sound - hooves upon hooves, all clacking against the solid ground.

Your senses fade back to reality. The heavenly exchange breaks, leaving both you and Luna to your devices, and the uproarious cheer that comes from the whole restaurant applauding the both of you. You scan the whole venue; every pair of hooves were thumping either the ground or their respective tables in congratulations, a few of them even punctuating their point with the occasional wolf-whistle.

Luna exchanges an embarrassed glance with you. "Perhaps we should continue this elsewhere."

"I'll grab the mead."

Snatching the bottle from the table, you take a firm hold of Luna as she prepares to fly away... but not before leaving a satchel of Bits next to your plate (more then enough to pay, plus tips), and flashing a cheeky grin to the applauding audience.

You're an ugly, crippled Diamond Dog, hailing from a forgotten dirty hole in your home caverns, made Canterlot-rich from some random gem you came across. And you just made out with the one and only Princess of the Night, and one half of the Diarchy of all Equestria. You lucky Dog!

Part 9: Let Me Hear You Scream (Mature)

Princess Luna, having spent a long time ruling the land and defeating many of its potential foes throughout history, is the sort of pony who thinks three or four steps ahead. In this particular case, she knew she would be less-than-sober upon returning to her quarters, and as such, she left her bedroom window open wide enough for her to brazenly glide in without an issue. Her hooves clack against the ornate floor upon landing remarkably well, despite her recent imbibing of mead.

Everything about this room seems centred around the theme of night, from the moon-shaped bed to the walls as dark as the night sky. Stars are also specked across the room from time to time. Your nostrils identify the scent of soothing lavender.

"Huzzah, We have returned safely!" she declares to no-one else in the room - so, probably to you. She ambles toward her bed, swaying her hips side-to-side either in flirtation or inebriation. Since you're still clinging to her from the flight, the swaying doesn't do much to help with your balance. You try to gently slide off her back, but instead, you fail to find a solid footing and trip over your own tin-leg, still attached to you.

Instinctively, your large canine arms reach out and grab the nearest thing in order to keep yourself upright. Unsurprisingly, that nearest thing would be the Princess of the Night herself. Or more specifically, her rear flank, still covered by her sleek, black dress.

"Ah!" she gasps, whipping around to face you. One would expect her to be offended at your unintended grabbing... but the expression on her face says something very different indeed. "You certainly are an eager one, aren't you?" she flirts, her voice like silk.

You notice you still haven't let go of her backside yet. Nor do you intend to; "I'm up for it if you are," you smirk, giving her a cheeky squeeze with your paw.

You can almost feel Luna's hot blush. For a creature so strong, smart and beautiful, your charms seem to affect her more than you would've thought. She breathes for a second, a hot panting as a shiver runs quite visibly from her spine to her tail.

"Before we go any further," she says, ignoring just how much her tail is twitching, "you should know that I haven't done this in a very long time. Say. over a thousand years."

"Really?" you ask, trying to lay your attention, and compliments, on thick. "A stunning princess like yourself and not a single suitor?"

"Oh, I had suitors," Luna smiles. You notice she's dragging you closer and closer to her bed in the centre of the room. You carefully place the half-full mead bottle onto the floor. "Hundreds of them. They were all rich, snobby stallions, trying to wed for political or financial gain. Half of them were even scared of my power: One could practically smell the fear behind their expensive cologne. I rejected them all."

As Luna continues her story, pulling you onto her bed proper, you quickly undo the latch on your tin-leg, letting it unfasten and fall to the floor. You won't be needing it in the sheets. "And so I held off on romance. If they couldn't handle me, they didn't deserve me. I promised myself that I would only fall for somepony who actually makes an effort to understand me."

Luna falls backwards, sprawling herself on her bed, displaying her slim, yet firm figure behind her tight, sexy dress. She seductively sighs, as you watch her chest rise and fall with a strange sense of arousal. Naturally, you fall forwards over her, your face inches from hers. Luna's fore-hoof clasps around your shoulders, pulling you closer still.

Slowly, your paws work her dress, carefully undressing her until it drifts weightlessly to the ground by the bed. And there she is; Luna, with no dress or royal regalia to speak of, lying on her bed, inviting you to join her.

"Only that somepony turned out to be a someone." Her breath is hot, very hot, on your face. Your heart is beating so fast that your blood is warming every inch of you.

You want to thank her, so much, for choosing you over so many others. But in truth, the choice was never hers to make, nor was it yours: it was simply... there. And it felt right.

Your lips feel right against hers as well. Her wings stretch out like a yawn, and snugly wrap around you like a welcoming, downy cocoon. Her mouth still bears the hint of mead. You tease your tongue against her lips, just a little, testing to see if she's willing to go beyond. She is; her lips part with soundless gasp, and the tip of her tongue playfully flicks against your own. It doesn't take long for that to become a hot, wet massage of tongues.

The more you kiss, the deeper Luna sighs, her warm wings twitching in anticipation. Her tail beckons you to her hips, subconsciously shifting with latent lust. Your loins are already starting to stir from the action, but you reckon it's too soon to just dive in and start thrusting; Instead, you decide to tease her.

Your paws smoothly slide from her shoulders to her ribcage, heaving with the ever-growing intensity of your kissing. From there, you slide them down to her softly-moving hips. You take a moment to impishly trace the white crescent moon on her flank with a digit, before taking a paw-ful of her rear, and squeezing. She feels so smooth, toned and firm, yet there's still plenty to caress. Without breaking the kiss, you feel the faint vibrations of a chuckle, or a moan, emanating from her.

Your paw drifts further back still, until you delicately drag it around the outskirts of the most intimate part of her, wordlessly asking her if you can go ahead. She doesn't object.

The pad of your paw teases her marehood, expecting her to be wet with pleasure. You're more right than you imagined; she's completely dripping with arousal. Almost as soon as you started playfully rubbing her, another wave of sexual thrill runs through her, drenching your paw. The kiss breaks momentarily as she sharply inhales.

"I... I think we're ready," she moans, making no attempt to mask her titillation. She slaps your paw away from between her hind legs, and she spreads them further out, inviting you inside her. Needless to say, you're ready too. Rearranging yourself, you wrap your arms around Luna's waist, and position your hardened cock at her twitching entrance. Even at its most welcoming, it still feels tight and strong as you slide yourself in.

"A-ahh!" More wet secretion flows from her as she cries out. Judging by how close she is to climaxing already, you realise that, yes, it really has been over a thousand years since she last felt such pleasure. You're keen to make her satisfied; you start thrusting. Slowly at first, but no sooner had you started, did she start demanding you go faster. And harder. And deeper. You're not one to disappoint.

It doesn't take long for your thrusting to reach a hot, fevered rhythm. Luna starts to grip you tighter, in tandem with the heightening pitch of her moans. Her cries are so loud, she tries to muffle herself by burying her muzzle in your shoulders, her warm breath creeping up your neck. Trying not to focus on the building pressure in your shaft, you treat her to thrusting just a little faster and deeper.

That may have been a mistake; her entire body - hips, wings and all - starts to convulse with stimulation. Her attempts to muffle herself fails as she approaches her breaking point. Without thinking, she drives her teeth into the space between your shoulder and your neck, and bites down hard as she screams in ecstasy, akin to how someone would bite and scream into a pillow.

You manage to endure the shock of it; as a pony, her teeth aren't particularly sharp. In fact, you find the sensation of her tight, biting mouth, and hot tongue pressing against you, to be far hotter than it is painful. You pant out a groan as you start to reach your climax, but you're not sure whether it's in pain or pleasure. You absent-mindedly grip Luna's waist just a little too tight, inadvertently scratching her back with a careless claw.

"Mnf..." Luna's voice cracks between her stifled wails. You think she... liked that? Either way, she's just about to break, and so are you. Throwing caution to the wind, you thrust your way to bliss, dragging your claws across her back in a long, slow scratch. She yelps, despite the mouthful of your shoulder and neck, and she bites down harder in response.

The rush of pain that throbs from your neck only helps intensify the throbbing of arousal from your cock. Every passing heartbeat threatens to shatter what little endurance you have left. Amidst Luna's convulsions, you feel your shaft soaked in her hot, wet release. And it's from there, your mettle is finally broken, and you burst.

One powerful spurt of satisfaction after another rages from your loins. You can barely hold back a roar of delight. Luna's teeth finally relent from your shoulder as she sighs in contentment. At last, you feel Luna's muscles relax under your body, her wings unfurling from around you, spreading out over her bed.

You pull yourself out, and lie down alongside her, basking in the shared afterglow. Just you and Luna, curled up on top of the covers. Hearts still racing, breath still panting. Her hoof calmly traces the space between your shoulder and your neck, complete with a deep, obvious bite mark.

"I... uh, I apologise for the biting earlier," the princess blushes. "I have no idea what came over me. It's just been so long since I've had such intimacy, and it felt like the natural thing to do, but..."

"It's fine. Doesn't hurt or anything," you reassure her. Truthfully, there's still a dull hum of pain, but it's nothing like the bite itself. "How are the scratches?"

"I'm not sure," she roll onto her side, displaying her slim form to you, back first. "Is it bad?"

"Uh..." you hesitate. Six long, thin lines are etched onto her back, mostly drawn across the area above her shapely hips. "You might wanna wear a dress for a few days."

"And you, a scarf!" she quips. Honestly, you'd expect a princess of all things to worry about her appearance more. Especially with marks in such a, well, compromising place. Seriously, if you were to see a pony with scratches like that, how else could they possibly have gotten them?

Either way, between you both one thing is certain; those acts of passion were so very, very worth it.

Part 10: Dreamer

You pay no heed to the time that passes as you rest alongside Luna. Even after the sexual heat has worn off, endless bliss can be found just sharing the bed with her. From her raising of the moon, to her late-night passion, to the slice of heaven that is simply resting alongside her, she is truly the princess of the night.

Luna is the first one to break the silence; "I... have a confession to make. About that dream you had."

You place a paw on her side, and roll her over so she's face-to-face with you again. "The nightmare with the cave collapsing?"

"No, the, um, the one with the magazine."

"Oh." You feel a little bit of heat rise in your face upon remembering that moment. How embarrassing.

"That wasn't part of your dream," she shyly rubs the back of her head. "That was mine. You recall how most ponies don't fantasize about me? Not like you do, at least? Sometimes I dream about just that; being loved, accepted, and in some cases, fawned over. When I first entered your Diamond Dog dream, I was having difficulty adjusting to your dreamscape. A part of my own psyche sort of... slipped out into yours."

"Wait a second," you raise a paw. "That was you? Why didn't you say so?"

Luna's eyes break contact with you. Her foreleg instinctively covers her reddening muzzle. "Sorry. I didn't want to seem, well, inadequate in the realm of dreams. Even if I'm not used to the your version of the dreamscape."

"Hey," you grin to show her it's okay. Luna's the only pony in Equestria who doesn't mind the fangs. "It was only between the two of us anyway. No harm done, right?"

"Even so..." Luna picks herself up slightly, shifting closer to you. "I still feel like I owe you something in return. I'm sure you'd like to sleep alongside me tonight, correct? It would be easier for me to enter your dream if we slept side-by-side. I want to help amend that nightmare problem of yours."

"Sleeping next to you, Luna? Sounds perfect."

The princess' velvet wings unfurl once more, enveloping you like a silken cover from heaven. Your Diamond Dog limbs hold her in kind, for what that's worth. Calmly and sweetly, you both drift off into the night's embrace.

*******

The echo of claws upon stone rattles through the complex of caverns. You smell the scent of dirt, sweat and gemstones. In your dreams, the sounds and smells are as familiar to you as your own heartbeat.

You're back in those accursed caverns.

You look down. Both legs are present. No tin-leg or stump where your left leg currently resides. You're definitely dreaming. But where's Luna? She said it'd be easier to enter your dreams if you slept alongside her.

Looking around, you see the same unfocused, blurry faces of forgotten workmates, clawing their respecting parts of the cave. You hear the occasional self-content grunt of someone who managed to pull up a decent gemstone, followed by more clawing. You catch the faint glimmer of a huge diamond half-buried in the cavern's top.

Oh no. You remember this part.

You take a few tentative steps towards it, just so you'll follow along with your own mind's twisted "script". As always, the next steps will involve you pulling the diamond out, destabilising the cavern's integrity, causing it to collapse, and you getting crushed half to death under the rubble and re-emerging minus one leg. This nightmare's all too common now.

Uncontrollably, your paws reach out towards that damned diamond, getting ready to yank the thing from its earthy prison and set the whole horrible chain of events into motion.

Out of seemingly nowhere, a dark hoof whips across your chest, stopping your from getting any closer.

"Luna!"

A spark of hope flickers within your heart. She made it. Perhaps you stand a chance after all.

"Listen to me," she commands. "I know it's difficult to take control of your own dreams, but you must resist! If you pull that diamond out from there, you're giving in to this nightmare, and letting it break your spirits once again."

"But I can't stop myself, Luna!" you protest. "I've tried everything, but..."

Your eyes are drawn from Luna's beautiful face towards that tempting gem. Surely a sin if you've ever done one.

"I see. I've come across this sort of case before. We may have to think outside the box," Luna replies. "But my usual powers over the dream realm still feel stifled here. This might sound strange, but could you help me... twist the cave?"

"Uh, what?"

"Don't forget my friend; this is your dream," her hoof no longer stops you. Instead, she places it reassuringly on your shoulder. "Twist this cave. Rotate it. Turn it upside-down. Trust me."

How in Equestria are you supposed to do that!? You're not a unicorn, you can't just flick a magical horn and make the world topsy-turvy on a whim. But you are a Diamond Dog. And a strong, capable one at that! If you can't use magic, perhaps the old-fashioned way could work.

"I'll give it a shot," you finally say. "For you."

"No my friend. We're doing this for you." she rebuts. You pay it no mind; instead, your large arms reach out and grab a nearby stalactite and a stalagmite respectively. You dig the claws from your feet into the ground for a steady grip. Luna's horn lights up, surrounding various other parts of the cave. And on the count of three, you twist like a seafarer hurling a ship's wheel.

Strangely, no dust seems to fall, and no distant rumbles of turbulence can he heard as the world contorts around you. Sure enough, you stop once the floor becomes the ceiling and vice-versa. Luna's arcane grip on the cavern relents as well. She gasps as if she's just placed down a heavy box that she was carrying.

"Are you okay?" Without thinking, you rush to help the princess.

"It's just the dreamscape," she rubs her head. "I'll be fine."

You look around the newly-rotated dream. The idea of stalactites and stalagmites seem utterly moot at this point. In true "it's-only-a-dream" fashion, the other workers don't seem to have noticed as they go about their workload like nothing has happened. You scan the floor by your feet; the glimmering diamond is right there, taunting you.

"You can take it now," Luna says gently.

"I don't understand. Won't that cause-"

"-a cave-in? Of course not." the princess of the night smirks. "Whoever heard of a cave-in due to picking something up from the floor?"

Of course! The fact that it was jammed in the ceiling is what caused the collapse in the first place! But since the cave's upside-down now...

With a few lighting-fast swipes of your claw, you clear the dirt from around the gem, and harmlessly pry it loose. Your arms weigh it for a moment or two; it's still just as heavy as your dream-self remembers it. And it's right here, in your paws. No rumbling. No cave-in. Nothing.

"How does it feel, my friend?" Luna asks. "To know that you've finally conquered your nightmare?"

You say nothing. To think the solution to all those restless nights would be so ridiculous, yet so simple.

"Come on," she cheerfully wraps a wing around you. "Let's leave this cavern behind forever. And you can finally take the diamond with you."

"No."

That word didn't mean to sound vicious. But it dripped from your mouth like venom.

"Is everything alright?" Luna's voice carries the tone of concern. Because of course it does. She loves you.

With more than enough spite, you shove the shiny waste of effort back into the hole from whence it came. Your foot - your left foot, for the sheer poetry of it - presses it deeper and deeper into the dirt, until it can no longer be seen. This isn't how the dream was meant to go. And you savour that.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm not carrying that diamond out of this cave," you tell her. As you stare into Luna's perfect eyes, your paw gently caresses her face. "I've already found something far more precious to take with me." Just as a blush starts to form on her face, you sweep Luna off her hooves, with one arm around her back and the other around the bend of her hind legs.

Her face is beaming with a deep red as you confidently stride past the other Diamond Dog workers to the exit, who at this point are cheering and whooping for you, complete with the occasional wolf-whistle. And as a cherry on the cake, Luna's warm lips press up against yours in a congratulatory kiss as you leave your nightmare behind once and for all.

*******

Leaving the cave, you find yourself in the open streets of Canterlot, of all places. Specifically, you find yourself at the Starglow - the romantic restaurant you and Luna ate at in the waking world. Everything's as you remember it, from the tables, to the scent of food, to the music.

"Is this part of your dream," you ask Luna, still cradled in your buff arms. "Or mine?"

"I feel a lot less stifled," she muses. "But we haven't left your dreamscape. I think we're in a shared dream now."

"Perfect," you smile, gently setting your princess down, just as the familiar sound of a guitar stumming passionate flamenco music fills your ears. "And I still have my real leg here. Care to dance with me again? With both working legs this time?"

You offer your paw out to her. She happily takes it.

And, with the moon glowing brighter than ever in the dream-world's sky, you and Luna dance.

Author's Note

Spoiler: You now have a fetish for waiting three bloody years for a fic to finish.

Part 4: Who Are You?

You carefully shove another book onto its shelf.

You're relieved that the bookshelf didn't break when you threw the self-proclaimed princess into it. The books themselves were mostly scuffed at worst, with only the one book-fatality; a book torn to shreds as it collided with the mare's sharpened horn during the melee. Hopefully placing it back on the shelf with the others will render it unnoticeable to all zero permanent inhabitants.

Several other books levitate into their own spaces, courtesy of the dark blue pony. "That should be all of them," she muses, "but I'm quite certain they aren't back in the original order."

"Eh, who's ever gonna know?" you shrug, picking up a nearby dishevelled book. You flip through it nonchalantly, leaning on a nearby table to compensate for your missing leg. Ugh, it seems to be in some foreign language. You pretend to read it regardless, in an attempt to feign savviness. "I, uh, never got your name, by the way."

The blue mare raises an eyebrow. "Well, there are only two princesses currently residing in Canterlot," she says. "It shouldn't be so hard to guess."

"Aah, of course!" you nod in false acknowledgement, trying with all your might to remember the names of the ponies' diarchy. Come on, one of them even made the front page of the local newspapers not too long ago! Yes! You think it's -

"Princess Cadance!" you cheerily exclaim, "I remember, the newspapers wouldn't shut up about your freakin' wedding! How's your husband, Shining Normon?"

You cut yourself off once you notice her expression.

"Truly amazing," she snarks. "I gave you a fifty-fifty chance between Celestia and Luna, and you missed both. That is some special kind of intelligence there."

Your paws grip the foreign book a little tighter. "Hey, just because I'm not up to date with who's who in Canterlot, Luna, doesn't make me an idiot. Do I look like the kind of dog who pays attention to that sort of thing? Heck, most ponies don't pay attention to me, so why should I bother returning the favor?"

Her head tilts a little, "You guessed my name right that time."

"Well, yeah. I know Luna means Moon, and you've got a picture of the moon on your bu- your cutie mark - so it wasn't hard after you gave me the hint. Like I said, I'm not that stupid."

"Hmm. No, I wager you aren't," she puts a hoof to her chin in thought. "Especially since it seems you can read Zebrican."

You look down at the unintelligible pages you're holding. A Zebrican book? Really?

"Er... yeah, a little." you improvise. "Of course, this is just a small bedtime storybook for young zebras, it's got a few of my favourite stories from over there, like... uh... The Zebra... and the..." you say the first word that pops into your head; "...Book."

"No doubt," Luna mutters. "The Zebra and the Book?"

"Yeah."

"And you enjoy reading those foreign stories?" she asks.

"Obviously," you nod.

"Is it easier to read when you're holding it upside down, or harder?"

"Huh?" You turn the book over in your paws and Gods damnit, it's just a plain Equestrian cook book! 101 Ways to Stew Hay! What in the Asscrack of Tartarus were you thinking?! Augh!!

As soon as you notice, you drop the book like it's made of termites.

*******

Five minutes later, and Luna's still chuckling to herself about the book mishap.

"You know, you weren't being this happy when you were having the snot beaten out of you earlier," you pout.

The princess scoffs with indignation, "Perhaps you need reminding who beat whom, canine. I didn't use magic. One could have easily melted you with a thought and a flick of my horn."

"Why didn't you?"

Those words hang in the air for a moment longer than you'd want them to.

"Why didn't I melt you?" Luna asks.

"Yeah. Not that I'd care," you elaborate, "it's just that with power like that, why bother fighting any other way?"

"B-because that would be a downright abuse of my power!" You notice this is the first and only time you've heard this mighty princess stutter. "Can you even imagine the horror if someone would use such power with no remorse?"

You sense you might have inadvertently touched a nerve. "Hey, I didn't mean it like that. I'm not asking you to do that sorta thing. Just..." you mentally grasp for the right way to say it, "if you had turned me into dog-soup in an instant, I probably wouldn't have put it past you."

"Oh, don't be so melodramatic," Luna waves away the notion with a hoof, "I may not be too aware of your circumstances, but I can tell you're rich by the Bits you've been leaving here every other night. Plus the fact that you can afford to live in Canterlot! Your life can't be so dreadful that you'd simply... well, shrug in the face of death."

"Ah yes, all this money!" you sarcastically grunt. Though because of your growling canine accent, she may have mistaken it for threatening. "With this, I can just buy my crushed leg back! And then buy myself happiness! I can just magically buy my way out of those weird looks I get from the other ponies out in the street! Heck, throw enough Bits into the sky and suddenly all the child-ponies... foals or whatever... will stop pointing and screaming at me like I'm some kinda monster!"

You stop ranting to catch your breath. At first, you were expecting Luna to have some kind of regal retort as she has done most of the night. This time, however, she is silent. Her mouth partially open, but no words coming forth.

"I mean, I don't think I'm a monster, it's just that other ponies-"

Luna's hoof, placed gently on your shoulder, cuts you off. She nods loosely in the direction of a nearby book-stand. One that you've seen quite a few times in your visits, though never really had an interest in.

"See that book over there?" she says, her voice unnaturally gentle for the princess you've known so far. "One of the chapters is called Mare in the Moon. Read it. I can wait."

Geez, what's gotten into her? You can't help but think she's trying to shove some kinda of pony-flavored lesson down your throat. What is Mare in the Moon anyway? Sounds like some sort of fable, like the Ugly Duckling or some trash.

Nevertheless, you hobble over to the book and skim over the pages. Once upon a time - wow, an enthralling start already - in the magical land of Equestria... two regal sisters who ruled together... Eldest used her unicorn powers to raise the sun... Younger brought out the moon... the Younger sister became resentful... shunned her and slept through her beautiful night...

"Oh no," you say assertively. "You're not seriously telling me that you're the Younger one here. I've heard of the whole Royal Longevity thing, but even that's kind of... heck. I get what you're saying," You tap the last sentence you read. "You were shunned too, once. All that money, all that royal prestige, and for what?"

Luna gently shakes her head, avoiding eye contact. "Keep reading."

And so you do. Right until the end.

Perhaps someone had left a window open - your spine felt a shiver just now.

You finally speak; "Nightmare Moon?"

"Once upon a time, indeed," Luna says. Her voice is as unmoving as it has always been. Stoic and factual.

"I, uh," your manners almost drift away in the river of questions flowing through your mind. "I'm sorry. I didn't know that you were this... Nightmare Moon thing."

"Oh, don't apologise for that," she smiles. "It's best thing you could have told me, truly!"

"Ehh?"

"Don't you see?" Luna asks. You detect an underlying cheer in her otherwise regal speech. "You're the first individual I've met - since my return, of course - who didn't know my past! Your first impression of me was genuinely unmarred by Nightmare Moon!"

"Yeah," you smirk, "and the first thing we did was get in a fight!"

Luna grins in response, seeing the funny side of such a first meeting. Then something clicks in her mind; her grin turns into a chuckle, before becoming a full-blown laugh. You have absolutely no idea how to deal with a millennia-old, almighty princesses having a laughing fit, but you must admit, her laughter is contagious. It's not long before you're sniggering along with her, regardless of what she could be laughing at. Eventually, even her regal legs cannot hold her - she falls over, kicking her legs in the air as if she was told a joke to transcend the cosmos. You decide that you're tired of leaning on your tin leg, and join her on the floor.

"We... we are so different, you and I," she manages as soon as she caught her breath. "Myself, one of the highest princesses in Equestria, one with the power to bring about night. And you, a canine from a whole other land underground. But look at us. We both go into that street, and children still turn on their hooves and flee. We're both monsters."

"Shucks, at least the adult ponies know to bow when they see you coming," you respond. "They usually cross the street when they see me."

Luna hums, maybe in agreement, maybe in deep thought. Her eyes flick between the library's ceiling and the books on each shelf.

"I don't believe I know your story," she says plainly. You turn to her, wondering if she meant what you thought she meant. "Tell me about yourself," she confirms.

Hell, where to begin...