“I love her...”
Dash tossed in her bed, the words hanging true. Images in her head of orange and blue.
And how the two could combine... if only she knew.
If only Applejack knew what the truth was to her.
That the pegasus loved the earth, because it held the soul of her.
She laughed with fakeness... trying not to show.
Her desire to want to hold
That earth pony so close.
Among the group of friends.
All she had to do was pretend.
“I wish I could just pretend...”
“Rainbow, stop messin'” the orange mare yelled.
“Applejack, r-really?” she laughed with a sigh.
She had to lie. Had to lie about the feelings that lay.
Deep in her core for that pony that day.
That she was in love with her... was she really so brave?
To admit it to Applejack... the pony that would call her bluff?
Was she really so brave to display her love?
She closed her eyes hiding tears, a smile on her face.
She would hate for her to see her this way.
Feelings should be kept in... Applejack wasn't that way.
She knew it... she just knew... there was no point to display.
Her love... pointless.
Just get famous.
Just fly as fast as you can, learn the tricks, join the clan.
Get away from someone who won't return your love.
Get away from someone, lock up your heart.
She told herself these words and hung with her less.
Avoiding AJ in public, getting rid of this crush.
She did not want to lose it... she did not want to risk.
Being crushed by that pony... it would've just been too much.
“You're part of the team!”
“Horay!”
“Sera!”
“Yes.” she said as she dated Spitfire.
She looked at Applejack, the pony smiling at her proud.
She had avoided being hurt by her pride.
She had gotten the trophy, the pony she wouldn't get hurt by
By not giving her whole being, by not giving her precious heart.
As she partied on that night she felt Applejack nudge her.
She smiled back at her, her feelings subdued.
She had nothing left to lose.
“Rainbow, I'm so proud.” Applejack said with a smile. “You reached for your goal and made it. Sera!”
“Yeah I did.” the pegasus returned back. “No distractions, no breaks... I got my dream.
By playing it safe”
“Playing it safe... what do you mean?”
“Oh nothing...” the pegasus laughed. She looked into AJ's eyes and admitted at last. “Applejack, I liked... no loved-”
The orange pony blinked slowly listening in response.
“I loved you once, but would it really have worked? Being with someone where you'd have no control.”
“What do you mean?”
The country mare asked.
“I didn't want to be hurt... but it's passed and gone. Stick to what's safe, where you can win every time.”
The orange mare blinked and just gave a chuckle. “You really were afraid to risk bursting your perfect bubble.”
“Huh?”
“C'mon Dash, it's obvious.” Applejack simply said. “You were afraid to be in something real... it's all fantasies to you first.”
“What do you mean?” the pegasus said.
“To be hurt, to lose control... to be in something you feared.
But the only thing you feared was feeling a way... unsafe. Your heart said yes but your brain said no. You couldn't go where there was no victory... just a draw.”
“As if you would've loved back.” The pegasus just whispered, hurt by these words and her old heart blistered.
“And now you'll never know... because you just never listen. Not even to yourself, not even when your heart is beating. You just didn't try... because of fear. I guess be happy with your life. And with her in it.”
“Don't mock me, AJ.”
“Not in matters of this.”
The orange pony smiled softly and gave her a weak kiss.
The pegasus felt the peck on the cheek and felt her insides quake. It seemed she somehow was suddenly awake. She watched as Applejack stepped away from her life... in the last few years that passed she thought that was alright.
She lay in her bed that night. Laying there as a yellow pegasus held her tight.
She thought of those words... and how they stung to say.
“Am I happy or just comfortable... am I willing to see?”
She closed her eyes and tried to sleep... to ignore the feeling that her heart was awaken back to reality.
And how she would never know... and how it left her questioning.
That she could've had something great and now had nothing.
Cos she couldn't take that risk... and get a pain from it... she couldn't, she wouldn't...
Yet somehow she had lost all the same.
She looked at Spitfire quietly... and how her heart felt numb... comfortable and stable and absolutely no fun.
Had she been wrong...
And had she now... lost the one?
Her eyes weakly blinked and she removed the hoof from her chest. Turning around and looking through the window.
Clouds out the window is all she saw... clouds that told her to soar to her.
But the thing about decisions is that once they are made. You can't erase them and pretend like it's all just play.
She knew her decision was loyalty to the end. She knew she had to be lover before a friend.
And maybe she could just keep on pretend.
She just had to fall asleep and make this pain end.
Of a decision made... it was just too late.
You can't change the past... even if it's where your heart laid.
In dreams she felt the green eyes look at her smiling, giving a chuckle and a mare walking by.
Becoming just a shadow and leaving her with her choice.
Because she was too coward to even raise her voice.
And say those words... but in the end to the wrong face.
“I love you Spitfire... you make me feel safe.”
“You make me feel safe.”
Because you're not... AJ
