Transient Soul

"Ow, my entire body. That really fucking hurt." You state, holding your head. Well, you would've, if your hand hadn't gone right through your head. You don't remember being able to do that, well except for that one time you totally dropped acid and tripped balls. You look down and see Applejack covered in blood, crying over a pile of something that looked like raw ground meat. Huh, that's weird, you were standing next to her just a moment ago. You notice something that makes your stomach fall right out of your feet, you notice your stomach underneath a scrap of hotdog costume in the pile of mush. Oh man, Big Jim is going to KILL you, that costume cost you your entire first month paycheck....wait, WAIT!

HE CAN'T KILL YOU! YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Okay okay okay okay okay okay, what do you do? You see Applejack crying over your body, you see a doll next to her, a dog licking up your entrails and bodily mush. Maybe you can posses one of these, You see an incredibly ugly, yet wealthy Jewish man walking down the sidewalk, happily juggling a bag of shekels between his unwashed hands in his magical fairy princess tutu. Enh, could be worse.

You zerg rush toward the incredibly ugly Jewish man, and slip into him like it was a meaty sort of suit. You could feel your arms coming to life, your eyes through his eyes, My god. There's feminist slogans, and shekels everywhere! This is truly the worst kind of hell you could ever imagine. Suddenly, you feel a booming voice echoing in your head.

"GOOD LUCK FAGGOT, I'M BEHIND 7 SOUL PROXIES, GET BANNED!" You suddenly feel a mighty hammer trying to expel you from the host. You fight back with the power of a giga nigga, smashing the proverbial ban hammer back with a mighty force as you screamed. "ROW ROW FIGHT DA POWA!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO THIS IS LIKE ANUDDA SHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Then the voice became incredibly silent, you curl your fingers and pat yourself down. You did it! You have a host to manipulate the world around you! You quickly run to Applejack and pat her on the shoulder. She turns around and screams.
"AHHHH AN UGLY HEBREW!"

She quickly pulls out pepperspray and directs toward your eyes.
"OY VEY! MY EYES! APPLEJACK STOP ITS ME ANON!"

"NO YOU AIN'T YA PERVVY TUTU PRINCESS, ANON IS THAT INCREDIBLY HANDSOME PILE OF BLOOD AND GUTS ON THE ROAD!" She began wailing on you with her incredibly powerful legs.

"But Applejack it IS me! I'm possessing this incredibly unattractive Jewish man just to talk to you!"

"Oh yeah?" You feel a heel on each of your wrists, you try to wriggle away and look at Applejack....oh wow.

She is standing over you, hands on her hips staring daggers right into your eyes.

"If you WERE Anon, you'd know our super secret saying that only me and him know."

She crouches down, and holds the feather duster handle against your throat.

"But if AREN'T Anon, I think that police officer over there could use a little bit of company tonight." She points to a squad car idling across the street. She stands back up, which doesn't really help your situation, since you can see the ripe netted fruit of an apple field above you.

You try your best to look at Applejack's face, and not her Applemaid nylon crotch, and you slowly begin speaking.

"Dr, Anonymous. I'm CIA."

You feel the weight of her heel lighten up from your wrist. Applejack looks back at you, and follows up.

"I didn't come alone" she says.

"You don't get to bring friends." You return almost perfectly. You feel the other wrist free itself as Applejack quickly began following through her next statement.

"They aren't my friends. They work for the masked mercenary."

You arch your back and try to stand up, unfortunatly this gets you closer to that nyloned maid crotch.

"Bane?"

Applejack begins shuddering, either from anticipation or excitement.

You quickly go for her hand. "If I take that mask off, will you die?"

She begins tearing up, slowly losing her balance. "It would be extremely painful."

You get to your feet, narrowing bypassing a face to crotch collision. "You're a big guy."

She wraps her arms around you, and begins crying. "F--fer you...."

She begins crying into your chest, as your rub her back. Looks like you convinced her, and you got a face full of apple crotch. A double win in your book.

"I can't believe it Anon, yer...alive? Dead? Just what in the heck is happening? Why are you an ugly jew?"

"I think... I'm dead, and I possessed this guy."

Applejack looked up at you, and heaved slightly. "God, yer ugly. Is there anyway to bring ya back?"

"I don't know Applejack. I don't know."

She pauses for a moment, before hugging you tightly again. "Well, at least ya ain't dead dead."

"I don't want to be a magical fairy jewish princess Applejack, Twilight already has a monopoly on that."

A random car drove down the road and the driver shouted out the window "HA!"

"Get...yer body back? How in the hay are we supposed to do that?" Applejack states, trying to keep a distance from your ugliness.

"Well, hanging around it probably won't help...maybe we should ask around."

"Whaddya mean Anon...oh..." She understands as she lifts her heel from what used to be your spleen. "Yeah, being here probably doesn't help."

And so, Applejack and you walk off downtown to see if there was anyone who knew of arcane resurrection arts, or at least an accountant who was versed in the dark arts.

MEANWHILE

"It is a good night for the son of a sheperd to enjoy merriment in his shop of random artifacts." Said a strange european man who was rocking back and forth on a rocking chair, smoking a pipe of tabacco. Unbeknowst to him, a shadow quickly rustled near the bushes near his shop. His senses picked up quickly, these were the senses of a sheperd, always alert of a wolf trying to prowl in the night.

"Allo? Who is there? Shop is closed for the night!" He states out into the darkness, continuing to rock on his chair. Suddenly, the front door bell jingles slightly, as it slams wide open.

"BSHEEEEEEEAR!" The shopkeeper states, falling off of his rocker, staring at the now open door.

"You have disgraced the son of a shepard, I'll have your eyeballs for a stew!"

He quickly ran into his shop, which was dimly light by the moonlight through his window.

"COME OUT AND FACE ME, MAN OR BEAST OF UNKNOWINGNESS!"

Suddenly, the shopkeeper felt something drag him to the wooden floor. "ERRRRRRRRRRG! NO NO NO NO NO!" His screams quickly became muffled, and soon enough, silenced. A warm glow eminated from the shop, as a sihloette of a man could be seen.

"Much better nah, much MUCH better. I thought I was stuck like that fer awhile nah." The figure sighed as he strecthed and looked down at its body, "Hmm... don't really like the look though." He quickly began wiping his hand against his arms and legs, changing them into a suit and tie, with ebony skin. "Much better, but a good lookin man, needs something...what is it?"

He looked around the shop, looking for his answer. "AHA! There we are!" He stated as he walked over, and picked up a top hat with a shrunken head adorning its center.

"A perfect chapeau, for a resurrected man!"

He quickly covers his head, and chuckles malevolently.

"Oh one more thing I guess," he slowly walks over to the door, and flips the closed sign...to OPEN.

"Now to wait for some suckers to harvest! In fact, I think I see some potential customers!"

He looks across the street, seeing an incredibly sexy maid, and an ugly fairy tutu princess with a bag of shekels in his hands. He smirks and crosses his fingers.

"Perfect."