Relationship Help

by Thefanficsdelight

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Comedy, Romance
Length: 1765

Twilight and Discord decide to get some relationship help, from the Princess of love. What will happen? Written for the Twicord group contest. I got it done in an hour.

Twilight and Discord decide to get some relationship help, from the Princess of love. What will happen? :pinkiecrazy: Written for the Twicord group contest, I did it an hour.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-10 02:00:10 UTC

The ONLY CHAPTER!

         Twilight hugged Discord, and a minute later they found themselves in bed. The next morning, they were going to see Cadence and take her up on her offer for relationship advice. Twilight realized they just had sex.

         "Discord, do you even know what happened?"

          "Yeah, we just had sex, Twilight.." He snapped his fingers and then a sonogram appears out of nowhere. "We're going to have to check if you're pregnant later. That'd be surprising the Princesses. I could just see it in the papers 'Extra Extra read all about it! Chaos Spawn has baby with Princess of Friendship.' The looks on ponies faces. Priceless!"

        Twilight knew they were going to have to see Cadence, she was already pregnant and Twilight wanted to know. Twilight's eyes were huge, in an adorable way, that Discord fell in love with over and over again. It was the timeless trick, and Discord fell for it every time.  (KAWAII-DESU!)

        "Well Discord, maybe you should stop worrying about Twilight being pregnant, and clean this mess up!" A voice came out of nowhere. Oh snap, it was Cadence.

           "Cadence, how long were you in here?"

         "Every second." Twilight realized Cadence was holding a camera. "I got all the blackmail I need. Anyway, let's start our relationship session after we clean this up."

     A shocked Discord nodded his head. He snapped his fingers, and he was wearing a maid outfit "Yes 'Princess' Mi Amore Cadenza."

   "And don't talk back! I can blackmail you in a second." Cadence replied sternly.

         "Sheesh. So anyway, what was sex with my brother like?"

       "Oh it was magical, there was a lot of roses, and candles, and making out." Cadence was drooling. "Did you know he has an awesome flank?"

               "Who knew?" Twilight shrugged.

        "Chrysalis definitely knew." Discord said. "That's the way she feeds her subjects."

                     "Discord..  no snide remarks. Let's just clean the rest of this mess up and then we can have some nice calming tea."

                     "But---"

                    "No 'buts' Discord." She said it sternly, but then kinder at the end. She kissed his cheek.

                   "All done!" Cadence said matter-of-factly.

                     "Thank Celestia. This cleaning was soo---"

                          "Discord..."

                     "Oh fine, Twili. We'll make out sooner or later."

                        "Later. I promise."

                           "Sure.."

                  "You're glad Twilight stopped you before I could blackmail you." Cadence replied.

      "Fine.. Why do you even want to give relationship advice to us anyway? We could be doing more important stuff at this moment."

        "That's because.. Well let's say I don't even know how you two work as a couple. You're virtual opposites, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, Twilight, you're organized, an ELEMENT OF HARMONY, kind, honest, generous, loyal, and extremely outgoing.  Meanwhile, Discord's messy, the GOD OF CHAOS, a trickster, manipulative, dishonest, and will betray anypony in a heartbeat."

                "Hey!"

        "I meant it in the nicest possible way!"

        "Umm Cadence, BSBFFEFS, or Big Sister Best Friend Forever Ex-Foalsitter. Umm, we work well together, because we're so different. We're the other half of each other, and we like it Cadence, but you really don't need to judge our relationship, just like I don't judge yours with Shining. So can we all just have peace again?"

          "No.. We're going to do whatever I want. I am the older sister, and one of my abilities as an older sister is to torture the younger."

          "But--"

       "No.. or I'm going to send this in to Equestria Daily and this'll be up on the front page. NOTHING WILL STOP ME! MUHAHAHAHA!"

        Twilight smacked Cadence. "Fine.."

            "So.. Twilight, how do you and Discord set aside your differences?"

        "I guess it has to do with the magic of friendship and what I've learned and how everypony has helped me become the Princess I am today. I met Discord a while back, and when he was  truly reformed, he realized the lessons we learned in friendship will help him in daily life."

               "Twili.. That's adorable." He kissed her cheek.

       "No PDA in couples counseling."

           "Fine.."

           "So.. How did you two manage to get to this point?"

      "We had a couple of fights over the years. Sometimes over something stupid, sometimes over the fate of Equestria and my kingdom, and sometimes some sex fights."

         A long silence was in the room.

      "Umm.. ok.. So Discord, do you like Twilight because of her looks, status in Equestria, or her personality and all of the above."

         "The last option. Twilight's a gem, and you know it, Cadence. She's always been something special, so can we go home already? It's awfully late and I'm-- ACHOO!"

      "Bless you Dissie, and next question Cadence."

    "This one's for both of you. Twilight do you think you're immortal?"

        "Umm yeah.. Unlike you Cadence, you forget how I was born."

           "How could I forget?"

       "Let me tell it Cadence, I'm an expert." Twilight remarked.

             "So it goes like this, I was born at exactly Twilight. In the evening, there was a meteor shower and a shooting star at the same time. Let's say my mom's still on a blood bag from that. Lucky that magical explosion didn't destroy her, and that's how my parents knew I was no ordinary foal, or filly, or mare." Twilight smiled, and blushed.

          "Discord, how was your first date like?"

     "Well.. Twilight and I were walking around in the park of Ponyville. Twilight was reading some poetry, and I just wanted a nice, quiet, spot to read. We happened to meet there and then Twilight was like 'Oh you like Mareya Angelou, too? She has the best poems don't you agree?' Well I agreed and we read for a bit. Then there was this love poem, and then it got kind of awkward. Then I went straight in for the lips, and was surprised Twilight didn't stop me. Twilight and I also packed food, so we kind of had a romantic picnic."

         "That was a lot boring than I thought it would be.."

         "Not really, it got exciting after this."

      "So we were eating and making out at the same time. Then a raincloud emerged and then a twister appeared. We never saw anything like it. Twilight's eyes started glowing yellow, knowing that she was controlling the weather. She stopped them, and then just made it rain romantically so I would have to put my umbrella over us both. We both ended up catching pneumonia but it was worth it. Especially since Twilight got to meet Taymare Swift."

    "I wouldn't stop fangirling. I'm like her biggest fan!"

      "Lucky! I love her songs, but I can't get into any of her concerts without being noticed. At least we get her to perform at the Empire sometimes. Shake it Off is her best song, don't you agree?" Cadence replied.

       "I loved the music video, but my favorite song is Welcome to Neigh York."

           "What about Style?" Cadence replied to Twilight's comment.

         "I hate Hairy Styles, he's so cheesy and unoriginal, but his hair is to die for. Not that I don't enjoy your zebra mane, Discord."

          "None taken, I actually have a celebrity crush on Beyoncé."

            "Who knew Dissie liked R&B?"

           "Nopony except you and Cadence. Now don't be telling everypony that I'm a softie for Beyoncé."

                "We won't." Twilight and Discord were cuddling.

                "OH CRAP! I GOTTA GO!"

           "Wow Cadence, couldn't you stay For a bit longer? We actually enjoyed this."

                   " Fine. I'll even allow PDA."

                             "Yay!"

               "Just don't have sex while I'm in here. I don't wanna see any of that crap."

                 "Fine."

                       "Ok.. so... are you thinking about having kids?"

           "Maybe. We'll have to check, and all, but it would be nice to have a little colt or filly running around." Twilight responded.

          "Yeah, Screwball would have a younger brother or sister." Discord added.

                "Anyway I meant to ask, how is my niece doing?"

                   "Fine, she's doing well in school, but she's getting bullied by Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon." Twilight replied.

                      "Not those two! Rarity already filed a report. Celestia's thinking about expelling them!" Cadence exclaimed.

                          "With good reason, I'd have to agree." Discord replied.

                              "Anyway, since it's noon, let me order some lunch?" Cadence said.

              "That'd be nice. It'd help us not think about any bad things. Plus I get to see Discord's table manners.." Cadence giggled.

                     That's no way to insult my fiancé, Cadence. He's adorable just the way he is."

                               "Wait you're engaged?!"

                   "Don't congratulate us.. We've been engaged for 2 years." Discord replied.

                    "Plus you were there Cadence."

                  "Oh wait, yeah I was. It was the second most romantic proposal I had ever seen!"

                  "That proposal at the Castle Courtyard was so romantic, Dissie!"

                 "Only the best for my Princess.."

                 "Awww.. Seriously you're making me with Shining was here.."

                  A knock came at the door.

                 "Cady, you ready for couple's counseling? Oh you already started. I'm joining in. I want to keep an eye on you two."

                           "Aww Shining, did you know Discord and Twilight are engaged?"

                  "WHAT?!" Shining took a sip of tea and spit-taked all over Twilight and Discord.

              Discord snapped his fingers and 8 towels appeared, for him and Twilight. "I really have to teach you chaos magic sometime, Twilight."

              "I'd like that Discord, you know how much I love to learn!"

                      " You forget the  Princess of Love has a say in the relationship. "

                        " Yeah, you kind of did influence us to get together. "

          This was true, Cadence set them up on dates, and even helped  hold a brick wall in their relationship.

                 Both of  them smiled, which  caused Cadence to smile.  Shining even smirked.

                      There was someone they forgot about, Spike.

                    " What the crap?! "

                       " Spike, control your language. " Twilight remarked.

                          " Fine. "

                           Spike walked away and rushed towards the bathroom. He was about to puke.

                         " Poor Spike, wait till he tells Sunset. "

                    " He can't Discord,  for I have the book right here."

                 " Anyway, Cadence,  you might  have a few gifts waiting for you. "

                          Shining Armor puzzled Cadence.

                    " Now that that's cleared up,  let's check out the photo album. " Discord replied.

               They opened the album, admiring the pictures and memories they made. Cadence started to cry and Shining had liquid pride coming out of nowhere.  Twilight and Discord started making out.

       ''Let's leave them alone." Cadence replied.

            " Yeah let's go ."