Bestial

by shortskirtsandexplosions

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, Slice of Life, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Other
Length: 12494

Rainbow Dash discovers that Twilight Sparkle is physically attracted to human males, but just who is this revelation more earth-shattering for?

After Rainbow Dash discovers a hidden "shrine" in Twilight Sparkle's Castle, the Princess of Friendship is forced to question her evidently unshakable attraction to human males.

Rainbow Dash find herself questioning... everything else.

(Thanks in small part.)

Published 2015-09-21 13:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-21 13:00:02 UTC

I. Discovery ( // )

"Aaaaaaaaand—Haaah!" Rainbow Dash flew into the umpteenth cloud of the day, slamming it with her strong back hooves. The wispy vapor instantly grew dense, turning the cloud a dark gray while miniature salvos of thunder broiled from within. "That oughta do it. Ponyville should get plenty wet tonight."

She brushed her hooves off, wiped the sweat from her brow... then hovered in place. She blinked, her eyesight absorbed by the gently levitating cloud bed directly in front of her.

"You know... if we're all made of stardust anyways... am I not just kicking past and future incarnations of myself whenever I slap my hooves against water molecules?"

Dead silence.

Rainbow belched. "Eh, whatever. I need a nap." FWOOOSH! She soared down towards the verdant countryside. Along the eastern edges of Ponyville, a train had rolled up to the depot, unloading several crates of shipment from its supply cars.

"Hey!" Rainbow waved, flying low so that the ponies below could hear her. "I just finished some cloud kicking! Expect heavy rain and a bit of lightning in about... ohhhh... two and a half hours!"

"Alright, Rainbow Dash!" replied an elderly conductor, waving a pale hoof. He adjusted his hat and smiled up at the speedster. "Right on time as always."

"Wish you could say the same about your locomotives, eh?" Rainbow winked devilishly.

"Heheh... what a kidder!"

"Just spread the word, okay? It's gonna be a stormy night!" She looked towards the other end of the depot, and did a double-take. "Whoah! What's going on here?" Swissssh! Turning hard right, she zipped over towards where a wagon had collapsed on two broken wheels. The cart was overturned and three stallions were struggling to mend the dilapidated thing back together. "Hey... uh... everything okay? Is anypony hurt?"

"No. No, Miss Dash, we're all okay. Thanks." A stallion in a brown khaki uniform and matching cap nevertheless grumbled, "Wish I could say the same about my deliveries, though."

"Deliveries?" Rainbow squinted at the sign plastered to the side of the pony's lopsided wagon. "Ah. 'Equestrian Parcel Service.' Yeesh. Total bummer, dude."

"Well, for the most part, it's not so bad," the delivery pony said with a prolonged sigh. "Most everything here is standard shipping and isn't due to arrive until the day after tomorrow. All except one item, that is."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. That." The stallion turned and pointed at a large rectangular package wrapped in brown cardboard. "Somepony's paid super handsomely to have that delivered to the Castle."

"No kidding?" Rainbow flew closer. She squinted in mid-hover, then grinned. "Say! This is to Princess Twilight!"

"Yes..." The stallion bit the edge of his fetlock. "And if I don't get it to Her Royal Highness in the next two hours, my supervisor's gonna kill me!" He gulped. "But... if I don't get this wagon fixed, he's gonna kill me all the same! Ohhhhhh... why didn't I follow Mom's advice and take up drywalling?!"

"Hey! No sweat, buddy!" Rainbow Dash stood beside the wagon, wrapping a hoof over the top of the leaning package. "Twilight Sparkle's my very best friend! How 'bout I make the last leg of the delivery for you?"

"Careful!" The stallion cringed, gesturing wildly at the box. "The package is super... super fragile!" He gulped. "And... uhhh... th-that would be super nice of you to offer, Miss Dash, but I couldn't!"

"Pffft! Why not?"

"Because you're not an employee of the Equestrian Parcel Service and it just wouldn't be prop—"

"You said yourself that you risk getting the royal burn from your boss, right?" Rainbow remarked.

"Erm... yes... w-well..."

"Just chillax, buddy!" Rainbow smiled. "What he doesn't know can't hurt him! Lemme do you a favor!"

"Oh Miss Dash..." The stallion bowed low, exhaling in relief. "You're too... too kind, really. I... I-I could share part of my latest paycheck with you!"

"Ew. Naw, dude... I don't do this sort of crud for bits." Rainbow Dash fidgeted in place. "...though, it would be nice if I could get the next order of Daring Do books delivered to my doorstop extra early..."

"Heh..." He winked. "I'll see what I can do."

"Cool beans!" With a voice-cracking grunt, Rainbow heaved the package over her shoulder. It was considerably lighter than she expected, though the great width and noticeable thinness of the parcel made it somewhat unwieldy. "Whew... you said this stuff's 'fragile,' huh?"

"Erm. At least that's how it's marked."

"Well, shouldn't be a problem. Just work on your wagon and go about the rest of your deliveries!"

"Uhm... what about the signature, though?"

"What, you mean from the Princess?"

"Yeah."

"Pffft! As if Twilight Sparkle signs anything," Rainbow said, rolling her eyes. "It's all the little dragon's claw-work, believe me. Don't fret. I'll get Spike to provide you with a signature sooner than later."

"Oh... uh... alright..."

"Zoop!" And Rainbow Dash was gone, effortlessly carrying the package as she soared westward across the skies of Ponyville. The athletic mare casually dodged the tight little thunderclouds that she had conjured over the past hour of weather flying. In no time at all, she had arrived at the front entrance to Twilight Sparkle's crystalline castle.

The mare came to an agile stop, landing in the shadow of the palace's massive doors.

"Whew! And that is why only pegasi should be hired as delivery ponies." She smiled to herself. "No friggin' sweat." Trotting up to the door, she banged it several times with a blue hoof. "Hey! Hey, yo, Twilight! Special delivery!"

Silence.

Rainbow knocked again. "Hey! Egghead! Break open the shell, will ya? I've got something for ya here from E.P.S! Y'know... those poor guys who wear khakis in ninety-degree weather and drive poo-colored wagons?" More silence. "Where are ya, girl?!"

The castle stood dormant. A few ink-black crows lingered on the upper spires, cawed, and flittered away.

"Hmmmf... probably fallen asleep in her pancakes again..." Rainbow shifted her weight from one pair of hooves to the other. "...note to self: buy her a 'breakfast bed' for Hearth's Warming." Knocking the door again, she raised her voice: "Hey! Twilight! Wake up! You even home?! I come bearing gifts!"

The stillness in the air made Rainbow's blood boil. Bored, she set the package down against the outer structure and turned it about. Her eyes flew across the packing label, then squinted to read the return address of the sender.

"... ... ...who in the buck are 'Equestrian Specialty Commission Services?'"

The mare blinked... then shrugged. She looked back up at the tower with dull eyes.

"I could... just leave it here." She gulped. "But the clouds are gonna friggin' rain in two hours. Dang it. The one time you try to do something cool for a stranger..." She glanced up, up, up the treehouse castle. Eventually, her eyes locked on the balcony. "Hello hello..."

Grinning, the mare grabbed the package, flew up to the balcony, and tried the large glass doors. Even there, the entrance refused to budge.

"Dang it... this isn't Detrot, Princess. What gives?" She looked up and down. "Hmmmff... 'mi castle es su castle' my flashy blue flank..."

Grumbling to herself, she hovered again, slowly orbiting the circumference of the tall palace's central stalk. At last, she came upon a window wide enough to allow the package to fit through.

"Hmmm... that looks easy enough to open." She flew up to it, squinting into the darkness inside beyond the glass. "Say, exactly what's on this side of the Castle anyways? Not sure I've ever been inside this wing..."

The mare thought... contemplated... pondered... then ultimately shrugged.

"Grnnngh!" She pressed her lower hooves to the bottom of the windowpane and shoved, shoved, shoved. "One way... or another... y-you're getting your package, Twilight!"

Schwisssssh! At long last, the window flew open. Cold air wafted out, chilling Rainbow Dash.

"Whew! That wasn't so hard!" She repositioned the cardboard container so that it could fit through the window behind her. To do this, she had to fly into the room backwards, which made it all the more alarming when she felt cool, velvety fabric brushing up against her flank. "Brrrrrr... what's with the super-black curtains? Heh... getting a bit luxurious, eh, Twilight?"

She finally entered the room, and the thick curtains draped back into place. However, this accomplished little—except to drown Rainbow Dash in complete darkness. She blinked, her brow furrowed as she twirled around in a full circle. All was black, save for the tiny sliver of translucent light coming in from the opened window.

"Uhhh... yeesh... I thought this was Twilight's palace, not Luna's. What gives?" With a calm breath, she placed the package down and rested it up against something sturdy. Fumbling slightly, she shuffled across the room, stretching her wings out on either side of her. "Gotta be a lightswitch somewhere... ugh... awfully big for a supply closet. Maybe this is where Twi puts all her old bookcases..." She tripped over something that rattled. "...and... hoofcuffs?"

At last, Rainbow's front leg came into contact with a lightswitch, and she eagerly flipped it, flooding the room with a rosy red light.

"There we go!" She pivoted to her side, only to be staring into a structure with a porcelain smooth peach surface. Her eyes tilted up... and up and up. "Uhmmmm..."

Rainbow Dash was staring at a ponyquin... only there was something terribly strange about it. For one thing, the ponyquin had five legs instead of four. For another, it was standing straight up on two of its legs. And, lastly, one of its legs was pointed straight towards her at a forty-five degree angle... and at muzzle level.

"Gaaah!" Rainbow Dash back trotted, only to knock into something else. She spun around to see two more five-legged figurines rattling to a stop, clad in a black jacket, torn jeans, and a blue wig. "Fudge!"

She looked to her side, panting. She saw a fluffy bed with rose-red bedsheets, besides which was... what could best be described as a chair made up of several massive hands with invasively long fingers.

"F-fudge!" Rainbow's voice cracked as she side-stepped.

Th-Thud! She accidentally knocked over the cardboard package. On the way down, it upset a dangling pony-shaped harness that hung on metal chains suspended from the ceiling. As the swingset floated to a stop, Rainbow could see several identical figurines standing all around it, all dressed in various forms of masculine workgear.

"Fudge fudge fudge fudge!"

Grimacing, the mare squatted down on trembling limbs to pick up the collapsed package. She noticed that the cardboard had burst open and a wooden frame had slid partially loose. Without thinking, she pulled the thing out the rest of the way. Rainbow Dash found herself staring at a framed picture of a rosy-cheeked alicorn with a familiar lavender coat. After a few nervous blinks, Rainbow realized that Twilight was being sandwiched between two bipedal monstrosities with very little room for her to breathe... or accomplish any other biological functions, for that matter.

"Fudge me!" Rainbow dropped the picture immediately, her voice squeaking. It was then that she noticed—in the rosy light—an elaborate assortment of custom paintings and posters lining the walls, each of them depicting the Princess of Friendship in many, many positions, and most of them nearly as foreign as the beastly things entangling her with all manner of fantastical limbs, straps... and leashes. "Fudge me to the Chocolate Kingdom of Chunky Monkey!"

Rainbow Dash didn't realize it, but she was galloping towards the nearest door at this point. A pair of blue wingfeathers instinctually covered her eyes, which caused her to blindly bump into no small amount of tables and lockers, spilling all sorts of sloshing bottles and silicon objects to the cold tile floor. She brushed by a bookcase, accidentally stealing more than one glance at textbooks filled to the brim with all sorts of smooth-skinned primates in various states of undress. And whipped cream.

At last, in a panicking heap of hyperventilating wheezes, Rainbow reached the door. She banged herself against it—and it was then that she noticed that the thing was bolted in place with over five heavy duty locks. Collecting her wits ever so slightly, she undid each of them, yanked the door knob, then threw herself out into the well-lit corridor of the castle beyond.

The pegasus draped herself over a bench, panting and sweating, her eyes as wide saucers as she struggled—in vain—to wipe the short term memory of every raunchy (and ribbed) object that she had just witnessed over the previous two minutes.

This made her oblivious to the series of tiny claws scraping over the crystalline tile. Spike had entered the room, rubbing his slitted eyes and yawning. "Twilight... nnngh... what's with all the noise? I was trying to get some much needed beauty sleep." He froze in place, blinking. "Whoah... Rainbow Dash! What are you doing here?"

"Spike!" Rainbow rolled over onto her back, legs twitching like a dead pill bug's. "You that is? I m-mean... you is that?!"

"I didn't know Twilight was having company today. Otherwise, I would have pulled a cold can of cider from the fridge—" Spike did a double-take, looking past Rainbow Dash. "Whoah... the door's open!"

"The... the door...?" Rainbow trembled, hugging herself as she rocked back and forth.

Spike waddled slowly past her, squinting. "Twilight's always keeping that door locked, saying that it's her 'special study room.' I mean... whew! It must be super special, 'cuz sometimes she's in there for hours at a time! I just wonder what she's studying—"

"Spike... uhhh..." Rainbow gulped, reaching a trembling hoof towards him. "I-I don't think you should be going in th—"

"Spiiiiiiike!"

Rainbow's blood ran cold from the familiar-sounding voice.

"It's me, Spike! I'm home from Quills and Sofa! Good news!" She trotted gaily around the corner, her canter energized by a trademark bounce. A bulging saddlebag hung around her side. "I found this new brace for your wrist! This way, you should be able to write future letters to Princess Celestia without..." The alicorn froze in place. Her twitching eyes locked on Rainbow Dash... and the open doorway beyond. "...cramps."

Rainbow tried to pronounce something, but all that came out of her muzzle was a dry, voiceless whimper.

Twilight's muzzle dropped one inch per second.

Neither mare noticed how close Spike had gotten to the doorway. "Hey..." His reptilian nostrils flared as he leaned forward to peer into the rosy room beyond. "...does anypony else smell raw fish?"

FLASSSSH! Twilight materialized in a bright pulse of magic, blocking Spike. Gritting her teeth, she flung the dragon whelp across the room with telekinesis.

"Whoah—!" Thud! He struck the wall somewhere beyond Rainbow.

SLAM! Twilight threw the door shut, pressing herself against it. However, her sudden jostling movement caused her right flank's saddlebag to open up, spilling several bottles of questionable oils and lubricants to the floor. Squeaking frantically, Twilight opened the door, shoved the items inside, and slammed it shut yet again... this time fastening all the locks magically from the outside. Once finished, she slumped against the frame, panting and panting.

Spike sat up, shaking his head. "Guh! Jeez, Twi! What was that all about?"

Twilight tried replying, but all that came out were high-pitched notes. Sweat poured down her lavender brow as she looked Rainbow's way.

Rainbow gazed back with a thousand-mile stare.

Twilight bit her lip to the point of bleeding. Finally, summoning a deep breath, she levitated several bits out of her saddlebag and plopped them in Spike's open paws across the way. "Here, Spike! Go to town! Buy yourself... uhm... t-tater tots!"

"Tater tots?!?" Spike jumped up with a bright grin. "Woohoo!" He rushed over and gave Twilight a hug. "Oh, Twilight, you're the best!" He ran down the hallway, waving the bits around with a jubilant cheer. And then... he was gone.

Blinking, Twilight's head swiveled back to face Rainbow.

Rainbow looked at her in horrified silence.

Twilight looked back, equally stupefied. After a few twitches, she brandished a frazzled smile.

II. Revelation ( / )

II. Revelation ( / )

Rainbow Dash sat in her chair, resting a squishy blue cheek against the cold edge of the round table in the palace's throne room. Her wide eyes stared blankly across the chamber. Meanwhile, her fuzzy ears twitched from the persistent echoes of hoofsteps, growing closer and closer from the immense vacuum of the tree palace's interior.

At last, over the course of a cold minute, Twilight shuffled down a tall flight of steps and approached the table. She levitated a cold six-pack of cider, placing it down on the table. Yanking one away from the others, she set it gently before Rainbow Dash. Then, shuffling forward, she had a seat... exhaling quietly.

Dead stillness.

Both ponies sat silently across from one another.

There was a brief groan of the massive crystalline structure settling all around them, then all was nothing but a breathless hush, occasionally broken by the subjective melody of titanus.

Thus, when Twilight gulped, it sounded like a tsunami washing up against the bastions of the palace. She fiddled with a lock of mane hair, one fuzzy ear twitching after the other. Then, with the grace of a blooming flower, she raised her blushing muzzle up... and smiled nervously across the round table.

Rainbow raised her round eyes like that of a dying puppy's.

Twilight exhaled, then waved a hoof. "...so... uhm... h-how's the weather, Rainbow D-D-Dash?"

THAP! Rainbow gripped her cider can. Snap! She opened it and flung the bottom of the container towards the ceiling. "GLUG-GLUG-GLUG-GLUG-GLUG-GLUG!" She poured all the contents down her guzzel in one massive swig.

Twilight watched and watched, her whole body coiling up tensely.

"GLUG-GLUG-GLUG-GLUGGGG...!" Rainbow finished, belched, then slammed the can against her furrowed brow. CRUNNNCH! "ARRRRRGH!" She flung the container over Twilight's flinching head, then leaned forward as hard as she could, hollering: "TWILIGHT WHAT IN BUCKIN' TARTARUS?!?"

"I-I know, Rainbow—"

"THEY'RE FRIGGIN' ANIMALS TWILIGHT!!!"

"I know, Rainbow." Twilight curled into a tighter ball, dwarfed by the immensity of her throne as she shrank from Rainbow's gaze. "I know."

"You know, huh?!?" Rainbow wheezed, shook, and summoned the breath to yell again: "You know that your friggin' 'special study room' is filled to the brim with dirty naked monkeys doing the nasty?!"

Twilight frowned for the first time since Rainbow arrived. "They're not monkeys, Twilight. They're called humans..."

"Do they stand on all fours?"

"Uhhh... no."

"Do they eat the whole apple, including the core?"

"Erm... no..."

"Are they fuzzy and cute and like having their ears scratched?"

"Well... not exactly—"

"Then they're not bucking ponies, now, are they?!" Rainbow shouted. "They're animals, Twilight! And you wanna... you wanna be done by... be d-done by..." Rainbow's blue muzzle had turned three times as blue by this point. With a heavy wheeze, she slumped down against the table, staring off into undefined space. "Phweeeee..."

Twilight bit her lip. Coiling her wings tightly to her side, she leaned forward, peering over the massive round table. "Did... did you get it all out of your system?"

"No." Rainbow Dash shuddered, gazing into oblivion. "I hurt in all my fuzzy places."

"I see." Twilight gulped. She squinted out one eye. "And... and your head?"

"Mmmm... that's the fuzziest of them all."

"Rainbow Dash... uhm..." Twilight struggled to straighten her bangs. She was only moderately successful. "Please... understand... I... uhhh..." She tapped her head several times, gritting her teeth. "Celestia help me, how do I put this into words...?"

"How about 'Why, yes, Doc! I agree! I do need to be put into a home!'"

"Now just hold on a second..." Twilight waved a hoof, glaring. "You know me, Rainbow."

"Do I? Do I really, Twi?!"

"Lemme speak!" Twilight's voice cracked. "Have you ever known me to ignore my friends? Or abandon my studies? Or shirk any of my royal duties?!"

"What are you even trying to say...?!"

"I... I-I consider myself..." Despite her red, puffy cheeks, Twilight sat up straight with a modicum of pride. "I-I am, in fact, a very healthy pony! And... a-and I'll have you know that everything you saw in there has... h-has been for my eyes only! I've never gotten another soul involved! It has always just been me and me alone!"

"Yeah...!" Rainbow nodded, eyes bulging. "You and a whole friggin' zoo made out silicon!"

"Rainbow, can't you at least... nnngh..." Twilight face-hoofed, then stammered. "You have your own hobbies, don't you?!"

"Sure thing, Twilight, but it doesn't involve me being impaled by... by..." Rainbow fought the color green washing over her features. "Th-th-those things are like five times your size, girl!" she exclaimed, waving up at the ceiling. "How... h-how could you even manage getting... I mean being..." She grimaced, trying to imitate a power-drill going into a kumquat with her hooves. "Y'know... how?!" She frowned, snapping: "How even, Twi?!?"

"Uhhhm..." Twilight hugged herself, looking over her squirming shoulders. "You'll be surprised what..." Her dimples curved with the tiniest of dumb smiles. "...wh-what a little bit of magic can do..."

"Gckkkk!" Rainbow shoved a hoof into her own mouth to dam the floodwaters of bile in. She rocked in her seat, then ultimately chose to pop another can of cider open, washing the surmounting effluvia heavily down her esophagus.

Twilight shuddered. She brushed her bangs again and leaned forward. "Rainbow, I... I just have to know. Why...? I mean, how did you even—?"

"BURRRRRP!" Rainbow slumped against the table, eyes burning holes through the polished surface. "Mmmmff... I-I was trying to do a delivery pony a favor. His wagon had—like—imploded or somethin', and he needed to bring a package to your Palace. So, I told him I'd make the delivery myself. I knocked and knocked on the front door, but nopony answered. But you had said I was always welcome, so I looked for another place to drop the package inside and safe from today's rain."

"Well..." Twilight exhaled, managing a slight grin. "That was awfully nice and loyal of you, Rainb—"

"But little did I know that inside it I'd find some... friggin' portrait out of Bacchanalia Monthly!"

"Hey!" Twilight's eyes briefly flashed with righteous anger. "Don't be knocking on the good talented artists at Naughty Griffon! They make the best commissioned artwork that bits can buy—" Suddenly, the alicorn gasped and covered her muzzle.

Rainbow stared with gaping muzzle.

"N-n-now Rainbow..." Twilight gulped, waving a hoof. "Before you go off on—"

"Seriously, Twilight?!" Rainbow wretched. "Seriously?! You order crud from Naughty Griffon?!"

Twilight curled up in her throne yet again. "...maybe?" she squeaked.

"Twilight! For Pete's sake! Those guys are total sickos!" Rainbow gestured wildly. "Not a single one of them does a decent thing for a living! All they do is make bits sculpting horribad stuff like giant dragon p—..." Her pupils shrank, and she gawked in Twilight's direction.

"No." Twilight pointed. "Not even in the least."

"Does it matter?!" Rainbow exclaimed. "Twilight, you share the same household with a little kid!"

"Yes, and?!" Twilight sat up, frowning. "Your parents lived in the same house as you! I'm sure we both know that didn't stop Mommy and Daddy from—"

"Ew! Ick! Twilight—jeez!" Rainbow shook all over, cringeing. "Don't you even—" She suddenly barked: "At least the only time my folks ever visited a swingset was when they were taking tiny filly Rainbow Dash out for a walk in the park! What's your excuse for having a Tartarusian Cirque du Cheval in your 'study room?!'"

"Oh my gosh..." Twilight covered her eyes, murmuring. "Oh my gosh oh my gosh... this can't be happening..."

"Twilight... look, I... mmmfff..." Rainbow slumped back in her seat. She took several deep breaths, calmed herself slightly, then leaned forward with a gentle expression. "Let's start over on a new hoof. Just... just level with me." She gulped, holding a hoof up. "How... did this all start, exactly?"

Twilight looked at her, lips trembling... eyes glistening. "Do... do you really wanna know?"

Rainbow immediately winced, but struggled to usher the grimace away. "Ahem... as your friend... as your awesome... loyal friend... yes, Twilight, I really wanna know."

"Will... will you promise not to tell anypony...?" Twilight sniffled, ears folded back.

Rainbow looked at it, at her eyes, at how tiny she looked inside her throne—recoiling from her. After such long contemplation, she realized she was hesitating. So, after a strong breath, she crossed her heart, flapped her wings, then pressed a hoof to her eye. She followed all of this with the tiniest of smiles.

Twilight saw it, and she inhaled meekly. The alicorn popped two cans open at once, poured them both down her royal gullet, then wiped her muzzle clean. Sliding her throne back with a scraping sound, she hopped down to the floor.

"Follow me," she said.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Rainbow started trembling again. She looked nervously up...

"Downstairs..." Twilight offered a gentle smile. "I promise... you'll only get an earful. Not an eyeful." She turned to move, fidgeted, then floated the last two cans after her, popping one open as she limped her way down the basement stairwell with a nervous pegasus following.

II. Revelation ( /// )

II. Revelation ( /// )

"And... uhm... after we're done cuddling and kissing, and the morning sun comes in through the window drapes, that's when... uhhh..." Twilight blushed slightly, leaning back in her reading seat with a coy smile. "...he carries me off into the shower."

"Uh huh..." Rainbow sat across from her. Outside, a rumbling thunderstorm drenched the lengths of Ponyville. Rainwater poured down the tall palace windows, distorting the interior light with a kaleidoscopic haze. "...well, from the sound of things, the two of you would sorely need one by then." She coughed. "Not to mention a chiropractor."

"Heeheehee..." Twilight waved a dainty hoof, fighting a never-ending blush. "It's more than that. I think the whole 'shower fantasy' is... is sort of a psychological take on 'cleansing' and 'renewal.' It... uhm... makes the stuff that happened previously seem all the less dirty."

"Jee, I dunno, Twi," Rainbow said, leaning a casual chin against her hoof. "How dirty can one get with a vat full of hot chocolate and pudding?" She winked.

"Erm... r-right..." Twilight squirmed, avoiding Rainbow's gaze briefly. "I-I conjured up that detail after a fateful trip to Sugarcube Corner one afternoon. I've... been a bit choosy about my visits ever since."

"Ohhhhhhh..." Rainbow leaned in, grinning. "So that's why you haven't been showing up on Fudge Fridays!"

"Mmmmm... yes."

"Heheheheh..." Rainbow chuckled. "That's kinda silly."

"Well, the whole thing is silly."

"Maybe to others," Rainbow said. "But for you, it's an awfully special place." She turned her head, glancing down the hallway towards where a certain secret door remained locked. "One that you like to reenact in your very own 'special place.'"

"Erm... y-yes..." Twilight chewed on her lip. "It's... amazing what a certain specialty in telekinetic magic spells can accomplish in the... h-heat of the moment..."

"I can't imagine," Rainbow said.

"Good." Twilight gulped. "You shouldn't have to."

Rainbow looked back at her. "So... uh... after Flash carries you into the shower, then what?"

"Ohhhhh, Rainbow..." Twilight waved a hoof. "I've gone on and on long enough." She shuddered, albeit not without a tender smile. "You don't need to know any more details."

"Well, that depends, Twilight. Do you have more details to share?"

"Well... uhm... plenty, I suppose," Twilight said. "But you've indulged my... uh... intricate fantasies enough."

"Heh..." Rainbow winked. "'Intricate' is one way of putting them."

"Do you..." Twilight curled her forelimbs to her chin, tensing up nerovusly. "...do you regret listening to them?" She gulped. "At all?"

Rainbow shrugged. "Eh..."

"They didn't gross you out or anything?"

"Well, some of them were pretty out there." Rainbow gulped, staring off into a fixed point in space as she rubbed a hoof through her mane. "Like... that one bit about you being trapped inside a steamy hot elevator with... what did you call them... the 'Houston Rocketeers?'"

"Oh gosh..." Twilight covered her muzzle, trembling. "I-I forgot I rambled off that one..."

"Heh... I don't blame you." Rainbow turned and squinted out the blurry, rainy window. "How long has it been? Two hours? Three?"

"Mmmmm... I-I have no clue..."

"Whatever." Rainbow shrugged. "I must say, I kinda liked the one where you and a bunch of male supermodels 'celebrated' on board a floating life raft."

Twilight peaked out from behind her hooves. "R-really...?"

"Well... only 'cuz you blew up an evil dude's volcano lair just moments before."

"Heheh..." Twilight brushed a bang aside, smiling sheepishly. "I guess I do get a bit... creative."

"For realsies!" Rainbow laid on her side, stifling a yawn. "It's almost as if you inject a bit of Daring Do into your fantasies... I-I mean... if Daring Do wanted to get nasty with hairless pale creatures that could toss her back and forth like a hoofball."

Twilight giggled... then giggled some more.

"I gotta ask one thing, Your Highness," Rainbow said with a sly grin. "Just one, if you're cool with it."

"Heehe... what's that?" Twilight caught her giggling breaths, smiling warmly. "I think you deserve to ask anything at this point."

Twilight squinted. "How come you gotta be a pony for all of these... y'know... 'scenarios?'"

"While the humans are still... human?"

"Righto."

"Well... I suppose part of it is... erm... the contrast," Twilight said, squirming. "I'm a small equine with magic and feathery wings. They're tall, muscular specimens of brutish stature, but with the potential to be incredibly gentle and... articulate. Ahem... I suppose there's something about the massive biological difference that's... that's plain and simply—"

"'Unlawful?'" Rainbow winked. "'Unnatural?' 'Unethical?'"

"I was going to say 'naughty,' Rainbow, goodness!" Twilight exclaimed, fanning herself.

"Heheheheh..."

"But... uhm... actually, it goes even further beyond that," Twilight explained. "I've... uh... I've always been what you would call 'submissive,' Rainbow."

"Yeah, no crap."

"Eheheh... right. Ahem. And... something about having a partner so much larger than yourself... and with such gentle limbs and hands... and f-fingers that can caress you... hold you... cr-cradle you... and just make you feel cherished in so many complicated ways." Twilight gulped. "It's... it's the fine crux of my entire... 'complex'—I guess you could call it."

"You mean like how that construction crew was 'cherishing' you in the rainy back alley fantasy you shared an hour ago?"

"Ungh!" Twilight rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean!"

Rainbow chuckled. "No, not quite, but I'm getting there." She winked. "So long as you know what you're talking about."

"Oh boy, do I..." Twilight rolled her eyes and giggled wildly, curling up in her seat.

Rainbow smiled, delighted at the carefree melody in Twilight's voice. "Feeling any better, egghead?"

"Hmmm... hee hee... yes, Rainbow..." Twilight said, sighing. Her eyes were moist, but they shone with the same brilliance as her gentle smile. "I... I do feel better. I mean... you have no idea just... just how long I've worried about this." She gulped. "Worried about someone discovering the shrine. Someone like Spike or any of the ponies who perform regular maintenance on the Castle." She fidgeted. "Today was... w-was like my worst nightmare coming true."

"But... ... ...?" Rainbow raised an eyebrow.

Twilight looked up, sharing her glance from across the reading chair's seat. "I... I think part of me wanted the nightmare to come true." She shuddered. "So that the dam could burst, and... and I'd have somepony else who could know what I know..." She brushed a hoof through her bangs, only to upset the violet strands even further. "So that I would realize—once and for all—that I wasn't truly going insane."

"Tch... you're far from insane, girl."

"Really, Rainbow?" Twilight looked up, lips quivering. "You really think so?"

"Sure, why not?" Rainbow stretched, yawning. "I mean... so you've got some pretty far-out fantasies, and a shrine to act them out in." She shrugged. "Wouldn't be the first time I stumbled upon somepony's dirty secrets, and I'm sure it wouldn't be the last."

"I... I guess if we all knew the hidden secrets that our friends kept from one another—"

"Would it matter?" Rainbow remarked. "I mean, sure, I say that now, while earlier I was braying like a psychotic jackass."

"Yeah." Twilight looked aside, ears folding. "You were."

Rainbow winced slightly, but shook it off. "Point is... we're still best friends to one another. And... even when all your secrets were secret, it's not like you were treating the rest of us any different! And it's not like you'll treat us any differently now."

"R-right..."

"It's like I said earlier." Rainbow smiled. "Friendship is cool'n'all, but we all deserve our 'me time,' and it's only fitting that we keep the 'me time'... well... strictly to the me's... ya feel me?"

Twilight giggled. "Yes, I feel you." She shook her head. "But now that you know so much, I... I-I don't feel quite so bad. In fact, I-I think I feel a whole lot better!"

"Well, I'm glad I could help," Rainbow said. "Even if none of it... erm... exactly floats my boat."

"Heeheehee... well, no reason that it should, Rainbow," Twilight said. "And I thank you for being so patient and understanding with me while I... erm... let loose."

"Hey, anytime. For serious."

"And, while we're being 'serious,' you're... uh... you're welcome to the same luxury, Rainbow," Twilight said, smiling sweetly. "If ever you too should feel 'bottled up.'"

"Hmmm?" Rainbow glanced over, curious.

"I mean... surely you have a need for some 'me time' of your own," Twilight said. "Erm... if you catch my drift."

Rainbow squinted. "Is this turning into a 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours' sort of thing? Cuz that ain't what I signed up for."

"Haha! No no no, Rainbow," Twilight shook her head, giggling. "I-I just meant that you've done me the wonderful favor of getting stuff of my chest, so it's only fair that... y'know... I extend the same invitation."

"Eh." Rainbow shrugged. "I've got nothing."

Twilight blinked, her figure frozen in a state of shock.

"What?" Rainbow cocked her head aside. "Was it something I said? I don't recall 'nothing' being one of the safe words that you and Flash—"

"Are you for real, Rainbow?" Twilight squinted. "I mean... 'nothing?' You've got nothing?"

"That's what I said," the pegasus nodded, then squinted. "Why? Something wrong with that?"

"Oh! Uhm... n-no!" Twilight smiled crookedly. "Just like there's... n-nothing wrong with Ponyville's Princess of Friendship spending forty minutes every evening reenacting moist fantasies with mannequins and swingsets!"

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "I do believe the sarcasm is strong with this one."

"I-I'm sorry, Rainbow," Twilight said, waving a hoof. "I just... find it hard to believe that you have absolutely no fantasies whatsoever."

"Pffft! Of course I do!" Rainbow smirked. "I fantasize about being Captain of the Wonderbolts someday! And kicking changeling flank to protect Equestria! And... oooh..." She pointed at Twilight, grinning wide. "Becoming an actual griffon and beating my past speed records inside Ghastly Gorge! You still me owe me that one, by the way!"

"Yes, but... uhm..." Twilight fidgeted where she sat, her eyes darting left and right. "Those are all creative fantasies, but they all sound so... so..."

"What?" Rainbow blinked. "'Rated E?'"

"I was going to say 'Elementary Schoolish.'"

"Pfft! So?" Rainbow smirked. "Does every daydream gotta involve hoofcuffs and eleven inch long—?"

"No no no!" Twilight furiously shook her head. "Of course not! I'm just... well..."

"What?"

Twilight broke a nervous smile. "I'm just surprised, is all. You're so... so... athletic."

"Yeah, and?"

Twilight simply chewed on her bottom lip.

"Twilight, not all of us is secretly a giggly little hornball in a tiara," Rainbow said. "Erm... no offense."

"Heh... none taken." Twilight sat up in her seat. "But... haven't you ever... y'know... thought about yourself with a handsome guy?"

"I assure you, Twilight, if I ever get on a see-saw again, it won't be right between two shaved gorillas with rippling abs."

"Ugh... of course not, Rainbow." Twilight rolled her eyes. "I mean a strapping stallion."

"Yeah, sure. I mean..." Rainbow shrugged. "I guess."

"You guess?"

"What's the big deal, anyways?" Rainbow's voice cracked. "I mean... do I ever have my own 'me time?' H-hey... sure. After all, I'm a living thing just like you, Twi. Like, sometimes, after a long day of kicking clouds, escorting southern birds, and sweating like a mobo, I come home to a long, cool shower and..." She shrugged. "...yeah, I might aim the shower nozzle somewhere I normally wouldn't... y'know... just to relieve the... th-the stress."

"And then?" Twilight leaned in. "What do you think of?"

"... ... ...I think of myself lying in the shower, aiming the nozzel someplace where I normally wouldn't." Rainbow shrugged. "I mean, what do you want from me?"

"I... g-guess I just wanted to give you the opportunity to get stuff off your chest too." Twilight smiled kindly. "So you wouldn't feel so bottled up either."

"And I don't feel bottled up about anything, Twilight."

"Well, I think that's quite wonderful, Rainbow." Twilight smiled. "Really, I do."

"I mean..." Rainbow suddenly squirmed, tail flicking as her voice took on a meek tone. "Should... sh-should I feel bottled up about something?"

Twilight merely stared at her.

A loud clap of thunder rattled the windows. Rainbow Dash nearly jumped out of her chair, looking behind her at the rainswept sights of Ponyville.

"I don't know about you," Twilight said. "But I'm feeling hungry."

"Uhhhh..." Rainbow squinted suspiciously over her shoulder.

Twilight rolled her eyes. "For some food. All of this talk and... stimulating conversation has gotten me famished."

"Heh... don't you hate that?"

"Depends on your definition of hate." The alicorn hopped to the floor on dainty hooves. "Oh! I know! How about some grilled cheese sandwiches?"

"Oh wow..." Rainbow's ears perked up. "For realsies? I love those!"

"Heehee! I know!" Twilight winked. "I oughta show my thanks some way."

"It's... not exactly royal cuisine, though, now is it?"

"Heheh... who cares?" Twilight trotted gaily down the hall, the bounce in her step having returned. "We weren't exactly having an elegant conversation all afternoon, now were we?"

"Heh... I should say not."

"Come on, Rainbow!" Twilight's voice echoed from down the hall. "My treat!"

"Yeah, alright... I'm coming." Rainbow floated after her. However, at one point, she hesitated, hugging herself in mid-air. She looked out the window as another roll of thunder shook the frame. Then, with an anxious sigh, she zipped down the hallway between fresh strobes of lightning.

III. Comprehension ( / )

III. Comprehension ( / )

"Whew...!" Rainbow Dash hovered out of the front entrance to Twilight's palace, patting her fuzzy belly. A moist landscape lingered outside while a red sunset peaked through the clearing thunderclouds. "Mmmm... that was certainly..."

"Cheesy?" Twilight said with a soft smile, leaning against the doorframe.

"And a half!" Rainbow spun around. "And here I thought Spike did all the best grilling!"

"Heeheehee..."

"I'm curious..." Rainbow cocked her head aside. "You ate tons of grapes, but none of the grilled cheese. Why's that, Twilight? I mean... after all, you cooked the stuff."

"I... uhm..." Twilight shuddered slightly, avoiding Rainbow's gaze. "I have my reasons." A gulp, and she smiled back at the pegasus. "I'm just glad you liked it. I've always been afraid that becoming a princess would spoil me. So... I-I have to look after my own habits with caution."

"Heh... you worry over everything."

"I do. I do." Twilight kicked at the floor, and her voice took on a muttering tone. "Rainbow..."

"Yeah, Twi?"

"Thanks again," she murmured. "You know... for everything..."

"Hey." Rainbow shrugged. "Forget about it."

"But... but I don't want to forget about it." Twilight lifted her gaze. "It wouldn't be right."

"Okaaaaaay..." Rainbow shrugged again. "Then don't forget about it. Either way, just don't fret."

"Hmmmmmm..." Twilight leaned against the doorframe, smiling calmly. "Because of you, I won't." She exhaled. "You're such a good friend, Rainbow. So loyal and understanding..."

"Blechkk!" Rainbow made a face. "Keep pouring on the sap, and one of us will start farting flowers, for sure!"

"Heeheehee..." Twilight's cheeks turned rosy. "I... I can't emphasize this well enough. You've just... taken a load off my heart and mind."

"Well, after all the loads you've taken, I'm guessing it had to squeeze out somewhere."

"Huh?"

Rainbow shook her head. "N-never mind. Just... just remember, Twilight..." Rainbow gave her a thin smile. "If ever you feel like you're chomping at the bit over... well... you know what... just feel free to rein me in from the clouds and we can have another talk."

"Really?" Twilight blinked, lips pursed. "You mean... y-you'd be willing for me to share more?"

"Sure! Why not?" Rainbow smirked proudly. "My days could use a little bit of extra creativity every now and then! Besides..." She hovered closer and placed a hoof on Twilight's shoulder. "The last thing I ever want is for my royal friend to feel like she's bursting at the seams."

"But... but I've already taken up so much of your time with... with—"

"I mean it," Rainbow said. "I'm there for you, girl. You shouldn't ever have to feel weird or guilty. So, when you feel the need, just flag me down, okay?"

"And... uhm..." Twilight fidgeted slightly. "The others...?"

Rainbow shook her head. "It'll be our little secret."

"Okay..." Twilight nodded, exhaling through a happy grin. "Okay...!"

"We good now?"

"M-more than good, Rainbow," Twilight said, fighting back a squeal. "And if you ever want to share about your... your..." She paled slightly, blinked, then said, "Well... if you want more grilled cheese... I-I'm your mare! Heehee!"

"Er... yeah..." Rainbow nodded, smiling faintly. "I'm your... squeaky clean... cheese-loving mare."

"Ohhhhh Rainbow..." Twilight leaned in, nuzzling the mare close. "Beneath your rough'n'tumble exterior, you really are the cutest, adorablest friend a pony could ever have!"

"Eheheh..." Rainbow nodded, her muzzle slightly twisted. "You know me. Always early for school. Only occasionally eating the paste."

"Heeheehee... funny as always." Twilight backtrotted into the castle, waving. "Bye bye!"

"Have an awesome evening," Rainbow waved back. She cupped her hooves around her muzzle: "Say 'hello' to Flash and the Rocketeers for me!"

The Palace doors slammed shut. Rainbow stood alone upon the crest of evening.

She squirmed where she stood, observing her youthful complexion in a nearby rain puddle. The mare smoothed her bangs back, blinked at her blank expression, then sighed. Wings flapping, she carried herself home.

Minutes later, the mare arrived, yawning from the exhausted events of the day. She cleaned the kitchen of her cloud home, filed away her mail, then trotted—stumbling slightly—into the dimly-let recesses of her bathroom. However, as she was about to step into her shower stall, she froze completely. The mare lingered, blinking, her eyes locked on the dangling shower nozzle.

The minutes limped by, all the while Rainbow Dash remained frozen in place. A dull shudder ran through her, though she couldn't put her hoof on the reason why. With a bitter chill, she turned from the stall and chose to brush her teeth instead.

Moments later, she limped to bed. Everything about the sheets and the posters and the decorations of her room were brighter-than-bright, with foalish pastels adorning the walls and boldly-titled sports magazines littering the floor. The mare fidgeted slightly, then threw off the covers of her large, empty bed.

In so doing, she exposed a tiny, button-eyed Daring Do plushie.

Rainbow Dash bit her lip, trying to look anywhere but at the doll. Eventually, she crawled into bed—one hoof after another—and slid in behind the covers. With a flick of her tail, she pushed the plushie away, then rolled over to face the bedside table. After one last forlorn look at the colorful lightning bolts bordering her room's ceiling, she sighed and turned the light out.

No less than half-a-minute passed. With a defeated groan, Rainbow Dash reached under the covers, scooped up the tiny Daring Do, and hugged the doll tightly to her chest. She curled up into a fetal position until she was warm and snug beneath the bed covers, and was out like a light...

...or so she had hoped.

II. Revelation ( // )

II. Revelation ( // )

"Okay, I'll admit one thing," Rainbow Dash muttered as she paced around the dimly-lit basement. "I shoulda seen this coming."

Twilight had plopped herself down in the middle of the floor, facing the elaborate horseshoe-shaped magic mirror in her possession. An complex array of manatech devices were affixed to the gateway, but they currently lay dormant. At the very top of the portal's frame, an empty slot resided—perfectly-sized to receive an enchanted book.

"If you're wondering, I have Sunset Shimmer's journal safely hidden away in my bedroom," Twilight Sparkle said. "I figure that... that the portal should only be open when the moon naturally allows it to happen from their side... or if my friends from Canterlot High need me for another crisis of sorts."

"Yes," Rainbow droned, still pacing. "Because Celestia forbid that a group of transmogrified hydra cheerleaders from ancient times should attempt taking over the world from the girl's lockerroom in the near future."

Twilight groaned. "Rainbow..."

"Right. Right. I know." Rainbow plopped herself down besides Twilight. After a dull sigh, she put on her best smile. "Go on, egghead. Tell me all about highschooltopia."

Twilight took a deep breath, took an even deeper sip from her cider can, then looked at the gateway. "When I first—HIC!—excuse me. Ahem. When I first entered that world, I was—like you—totally freaked out. I mean... you could ask Spike. I was screaming and stumbling all over the place. You would be shrieking your head off too if you had lost your wings, hooves and muzzle and instead had them replaced with thin limbs with tiny digits sticking out of the ends."

"And were you surrounded by naked monkey dudes wearing leather masks at the time?"

"Rainbow...!"

"Right. Sorry. Sorry." Rainbow said, nevertheless cringeing. "Ahem... don't let me stop you, Twi."

Twilight looked at the gateway again. "I... I-I was charged with the task of finding my crown so I could protect both that world and Equestria. But I-I couldn't even walk right! Everything was just so... strange and frightening." She gulped. "I had become a powerful alicorn in our world, and yet—all of the sudden—I was stripped of all my magic and strengths. I just... f-felt so weak and helpless."

"Yeah, but you totally kicked Sunset Shimmer's flank in the end!" Rainbow Dash blinked, then smiled nervously at nopony in particular. "No offense."

"But I hardly even got that far, Rainbow!" Twilight's voice cracked. "Even with Spike's help, I was a bumbling, clumsy stranger! I had fallen flat on my muzz—er... face more times than I could count! And... no one did anything to help me until... until..." Just then, her eyes began sparkling.

Rainbow stared at her from an angle, her eyebrow slowly rising. "Until...?"

"Hmmmm..." Twilight Sparkle leaned forward, nuzzling her fuzzy warm cheek against a pair of crossed forelimbs as she gazed lovingly at the mirror. "...until him."

"Uhhh... gotta be more specific than that, girl."

"Flash Sentry," Twilight cooed. "He saw me collapsed in the middle of the school hallway like a deflated flower. His fingers curled around mine and he helped me up to my feet. Such curious things, hands. So delicate, and yet articulate and strong... and his were both. And when his fingers enclosed with mine, it was... it was as if he could lift the whole world up. Instead he chose to help me and only me. And his voice was so soft and gentle... his eyes shining and radiant..."

"So... you got a whacky fetish all because a single dude in the primate world helped you up that one time?"

"Rainbow!" Twilight grumbled. "It's..." She brushed her bangs aside, her cheeks flushed. "It's n-not that simple..."

"Wait..." Rainbow squinted, staring off towards the mirror. "'Flash Sentry'... I know that name."

Twilight gulped. "You... pr-probably should..."

"Oh yeah!" Rainbow brightened. "That's the name of the pegasus guard who serves under your brother and sister-in-law! Y'know, the clumsy dude that kept bumping into you while you were in the Crystal Empire?" She smirked. "For weeks Rarity would just not let up about you having a crush on him! Wowers, that mare is a hopeless romantic at times. Heheheh—" Just then, Rainbow's pupils shrank. "Hold up.." She gave Twilight a crooked glance. "There's a... version of him on the other side?"

Twilight nodded. "Uh huh."

"And... you bumped into him too?"

Twilight blushed. "Uh huh."

"And... like... you got the hots for him over there?"

Twilight smiled dumbly, partially hiding her flushed cheeks behind her forelimbs. "Uh huh..."

Rainbow scratched her head, glanced at the mirror, then glanced back at Twilight. "So... did you lift your tail up for him or what?"

"N-no!" Twilight lifted her muzzle. This time her cheeks burned with anger. "For the love of Celestia, Rainbow, I'm not some hussy!"

"Er... of course not, Twi. It was just a question."

"Besides..." Twilight giggled airily. "Humans don't have tails."

Rainbow face-hoofed.

"Although..." The alicorn tongued the inside of her mouth, searching the ceiling with thoughtful eyes. "According to the many biology textbooks I've hauled over from Canterlot High, the human fetus briefly possesses a tail during some of the middle stages in utero..."

"Twilight..."

"And if you carefully examine the spinal structure of the tailbone set within the interior of the sapien buttocks—"

"Twilight, please tell me that you didn't crush on a freaky alien guy that you met only once."

"Well... no. It's not so much that I crushed on him..."

"Cuz, y'know, what's stopping you from meeting up with the guard who's stationed with your brother?" Rainbow bore a plastic smile. "Celestia knows that Rarity's been chomping at the bit to get the two of you together!"

"Mmmm... that's just the thing..." Twilight pawed the floor with alternating hooves. "I-I'm not interested in that Flash Sentry. Not really..."

"Why?" Rainbow squinted. "Because he's not a tall mutant monkey without fur?!"

"No!" Twilight frowned, but then her ears folded. "And yet... yes."

Rainbow sighed.

"Don't give me that look."

"Twilight, you're my best friend. Perhaps the best of the best. But... just... h-have you ever thought about this?"

"Mmmmmmmmyesssss..."

"I mean rationally!" Rainbow frowned. "Pretend—say—Fluttershy decided to get really really friendly with one of the chimpanzees that they have holed up inside the Canterlot gardens. Or... or if Applejack's brother, Big Mac, was found doing the nasty in the farm's pig pen with—"

"Rainbow, we're not talking about unlawful and non-consensual acts with lesser-intelligent animals!" Twilight exclaimed. "So don't even pretend!"

"Is it really all that different? Really?" Twilight cocked her head to the side. "You don't see those... those things strolling around Equestria on their goofy legs... wearing their goofy clothes!"

"It could happen," Twilight said. She pointed up at the dormant gateway. "All it would take is the right kind of spell to affect the mirror—"

"That's not the point!" Rainbow's brow furrowed. "It's not natural, Twi! I'm no biologist, but even I could tell you that!"

"Who are we to say what is or what isn't natural?"

"Hellllllloooo?" Rainbow leaned in, waving a hoof between her and Twilight's muzzles. "Twilight Sparkle? Scientist egghead extraordinaire?! You've studied nature since you were a friggin' infant! Surely you can say that a pony and... and... like... a minotaur are never ever designed to go for a tumble in the hammock!"

"Yes, but since I began my studies, our knowledge of the world has expanded." Twilight sighed dreamily, pointing at the mirror. "Even beyond other worlds."

"Yeah... and if—like—we found a mirror that took us to a world populated by sentient dolphins, does that mean it's a-okay for me to dive into the nearest fish tank and spread my legs?!"

"Rainbow..." Twilight sighed into her hoof, shaking her head. "I... I-I can't make you understand." She looked up, eyes thin. "If only you've been in my shoes... my human shoes on the other side."

"Girl, I've been a breezy once, thanks to you!" Rainbow's voice cracked. "But you don't see me secretly hoarding dirty magazines full of dragonfly wings, now do you?!"

"Erm..."

"And the fact is, when you came back, you became a pony again!" Rainbow blinked, then gave Twilight a look-over. "I mean... r-right?"

"I assure you, Rainbow, I am full pony."

Rainbow pointed at her skull. "Then how come your skull's full monkey?!"

"Because...!" Twilight bit her lip, fidgeting. "Because..."

Rainbow gazed at her, waiting.

"B-because... I-I came back from the first visit... and I-I couldn't get Flash and his... warm, warm limbs out of my mind. And... I-I did some studying, and I determined that the monke—... that the humans over there are about eight times the size of us, which means they could easily pick up and... mmm... c-cuddle a fully grown equine from this world. And so I started imagining just how nice it would be if... if say my warm, fluffy bed covers were really just the loving arms of a human, holding me, engulfing me... protecting me. And then that secure feeling helped me open up... in more ways than one... or two. And I imagined those gentle fingers of theirs caressing my mane and my ears and... and my... my..." Twilight had a big dumb grin at this point, and she was fanning herself with her tail. At last—trembling—she popped open the final can of cider and chugged it down, sweating bullets.

Rainbow watched, her muzzle frozen into a confused grimace.

At last, Twilight finished the liberal swig, then held the cold empty can to her forehead, slowly crumpling it as she panted, shuddered, panted and shuddered. At last, her glazed eyes opened, and she looked over at Rainbow.

Rainbow looked back.

Twilight gulped and said: "I... I-I have a problem, Rainbow. But... but for the first time in my adult life..." She smiled exhaustedly. "...it's the one problem that I don't want fixed." The alicorn trembled somewhat. "Haven't... haven't you ever had that before?"

Rainbow glanced at the floor. "Well... uh..." She ran a hoof through her mane and shrugged. "I... I-I guess that one time that I discovered how much I loved reading, it sorta... dawned on me that I could never be the same again. And when I thought about ditching it—my sudden insane love of books—I... I just couldn't, y'know?" She winced slightly. "I staged a heist at a hospital so I could finish a Daring Do novel. A friggin' hospital."

Twilight giggled. "It's funny what lengths we'll go to secure something that's so special to us."

"But... but is it really the same, Twilight?" Rainbow looked up, muzzle agape. "I like putting Daring Do stories into my heads. But... you like putting these human things into... into your..."

"I promise you." Twilight gulped. "I'm... uh... quite hygenic."

"Sure. I'll buy that. But... but doesn't it ever affect you in weird ways, y'know?"

Twilight stared at Rainbow with dull eyes. "You've seen me these past few months. Do I seem 'affected', Rainbow?"

"Well, no. Actually you seem..." Rainbow winced slightly. She leaned back, kneading the cold floor with her hooves as she avoided the alicorn's gaze. "You've been on top of the frickin' world."

Twilight smiled at her, but that grin slowly faded. She hung her head with a dull sigh, fidgeting.

Rainbow looked at her friend sideways. "This... this must be a super tough thing to get off your chest, Twilight." She bit her lip. "And here I show up... stumbling straight into your... your..."

"My homo sapien shrine," Twilight muttered.

"Snkkkt—ha ha ha ha ha!" Rainbow slapped her knee. "You call that rose-colored working mare's room a 'shrine?!'"

Twilight only winced.

Rainbow blinked, her features slowly sagging. "I... I-I'm sorry, Twi. I mean... I know it all looks super weird... and, y'know, it is all super weird... k-kinda..."

"You must think I'm such a freak..." Twilight sniffled. "I... I-I'm sorry, Rainbow..." Tears welled up in her eyes, and her trembling hooves dropped the empty can in her grasp. "I... I know I must have permanently hurt our friendship."

Rainbow did a double-take. "Hurt... our friendship?"

"H-how could you ever think of me the same way ever again?" Twilight sniffled once more, hiding her muzzle in her hooves. "Mmmmmf... Celestia... night after night I've tossed and turned, dreading the day that this would happen. That my second life would be discovered! It's... it's all over! My studies... my princesshood! Because I completely and utterly trashed my friendship..."

"Ah jeez, Twilight..."

"And all f-for what?!" The princess began sobbing, her tail curling up as she collapsed into a trembling mess in the center of the basement floor. "...just so I could get my jollies from a bunch of perverted fantasies? I've... I've failed... I've failed at everything."

"Twilight, don't you... don't you friggin'..." Rainbow winced from the incoming wails of sobs echoing from where the alicorn sat, deflated. "Ahhhhhh buck me to the moon," she rolled her eyes, then slid in, wrapping her hooves around the mare. "C'mere, girl..."

"I'm s-so sorry, Rainbow," Twilight whimpered, burying her muzzle in Rainbow's chest. "You d-didn't ask for this! You were such a good friend, but n-now you know what a horrible pervert I am! I don't bl-blame you for hating me..."

"What do you mean I was a good friend?" Rainbow tilted the mare's chin up, smiling. "So you've got some crazy nasty psychotic fantasies. So what? That doesn't change anything!"

"But... b-but..." Twilight shuddered, puffy-eyed and tear-stained. "Earlier, you were practically screaming in horror!"

Rainbow winced. "Yeah... okay... so I was pretty freaked out. But I was reacting to... to the stuff! Not to you! I mean... you were right, Twilight. I know you!" She brushed the mare's cheek dry. "And I know that you're as smart and clever and as sympathetic as ponies get! That hasn't changed in your character one bit! I mean... just how long have you been building up this silly 'shrine' of yours, anyways? A week? Three weeks?"

"Mmmm... seven months."

Rainbow's eyes bulged. "Seven months?!?"

Twilight grimaced hard.

Rainbow gulped. "Er... I mean... Wow! Seven months! Just... uh... goes to show!" She smiled nervously. "When you put your mind to it, you can get anything done! Whether it's inventing a new friendship spell, or... uhhh... making a secret sex museum to naked, dinosaurically-endowed monkeys!"

Twilight hung her head, shuddering. "Goddess help me. I'm so pathetic."

"Hey... hey!" Rainbow forced the mare to look at her again. "None of that, okay? None of this 'I'm pathetic' crap. A pathetic pony wouldn't have saved Equestria a gazillion times over and made my life all that more awesome."

"Really?" Twilight wiped her muzzle dry while peering at her. "I've... m-made your life awesome?"

"Totally, girl!" Rainbow smiled proudly. "What other friend has given me a chance to kick dragons in the face, or fight changelings, or nearly go to war with yaks!"

"Eheheh..." Twilight bit her lip, wings fluttering slightly. "I try my best, I suppose..."

"You're the smartest and brightest pony there is, Twilight," Rainbow said. "All of that genius deserves a bit of eccentricity, don't you think?"

"Mmmm... yeah..." Twilight brightened slightly. "Yeah, sure..."

"And... y'know... we all deserve our 'me time,' but when you keep it all bottled up?" Rainbow shrugged. "It's gotta be torture when you've got nopony to share it all with." Rainbow's expression turned blank as her ears twitched, registering what she had just said.

Twilight, too, was blinking hard. Her lips pursed. "I... I-I never thought of it that way."

"Huh... me neither." Rainbow scratched her muzzle. "Not until I said it." She looked gently at Twilight, then loosened their hug slightly. "Twilight, would... would it help you to have somepony to—y'know—share these sort of things with?"

"To..." Twilight rubbed her tear-stained cheaks. "...share?"

"By word of muzzle, I mean. Talkinga bout 'em," Rainbow said. "It's totally not my bag, of course. But... but maybe it would be a good thing for you to get this stuff off your chest... verbally... instead of keeping it all secret and treating yourself like some dirty pervert until you toss and turn over it every night." She gulped. "Don'tcha think?"

"Oh, Rainbow, that's so sweet... but..." Twilight sighed. "I couldn't. I mean... we both know how much it grosses you out—"

"So?" Rainbow smiled smugly. "I'd rather throw up than see you become a total basket-case."

"But it's so selfish of me and... and inappropriate."

"What could be more appropriate than making sure my friend felt comfortable being... herself?" Rainbow Dash smiled with glinting teeth. "And I promise not to judge you from here on out. I'll be your... your absorbant sounding board, y'feel me?"

Twilight Sparkle took a shuddering breath. At last, the tears had stopped, giving way to a toasty warm smile. "You... you would really be willing to do that for me?"

"Pffft! You haven't banished me to the moon yet for stumbling upon your 'shrine,' have you?"

"Uhm... I-I haven't mastered that kind of alicorn magic, Rainbow," Twilight said. "At l-least not yet."

"Good! So this is the next best thing!" Rainbow winked. "So, how about it?"

"Well..." Twilight gulped, glancing across the basement. "I... I think that would be wonderful. Uhm... wh-when would you want to... h-have such a discussion?"

"Well..." Rainbow shrugged. "My afternoon's free today. How about yours?"

I. Discovery ( / )

I. Discovery ( / )

Daring Do was about to deliver a thunderous drop kick to a nefarious minotaur wearing a turban, and Rainbow Dash couldn't be happier.

And then, as fate would have it, the jingle of a bell woke the mare out of her literary dream world. She lifted her ruby eyes from the paperback pages to see the interior of Sugarcube Corner stretching all around. She was seated with Rarity and Fluttershy at a table full of coffee and doughnuts, and Twilight Sparkle had just trotted in.

"Why, hello there, Twilight!" Fluttershy said with a bright smile.

"Won't you join us, darling?" Rarity added, taking a dainty sip of her capuccino.

"Don't mind if I do." Twilight levitated a chair into place and sat down, unloading her saddlebag. "My goodness..." She took a long, deep breath, her cheeks turning a rosier shade of lavender. "It truly is a gorgeous day outside, isn't it?"

Fluttershy giggled. "You won't get any argument from me. Although, I heard there might be rain soon."

"Yes. Quite." Rarity looked aside. "Rainbow? Is this true?"

"Hmmm?" Rainbow flipped a page and looked up. "What?" She blinked. "Oh. Yeah. Sure. Rain."

"Well, a little sprinkle of water never hurt anypony," Twilight said, grinning jubilantly. "Mmmmmm... that brew smells absolutely wonderful!"

"The Cakes got a fresh batch of coffee beans in today," Fluttershy said. "Straight in from Bagotrot!"

"Now this I've got to try!" Twilight rubbed her hooves together, ears twitching with ecstasy. "Nothing like the first sip of coffee straight off the delivery train!"

"My my, Twilight..." Rarity leaned across the table with a proud smile. "I must say: you look and sound positively radiant."

"Ohhhhh, Rarity..." Twilight tapped Rarity's hoof and laughed merrily. "You're such a flatterer. Still, if any pony is the proper judge of elegance, it's most certainly you!"

"Hmmm... you're too kind, dear."

"And Fluttershy..." Twilight turned to smile at her other friend. "Has anypony told you that your mane is looking truly gorgeous this afternoon?"

"Awwww..." Fluttershy blushed slightly, fluffing the pink bangs in question. "What a nice thing to say, Twilight. I do my best, I suppose."

"Don't knock natural beauty, Fluttershy." Twilight blinked, then looked over at Rainbow. "Say, Rainbow, I was thinking... I've been redecorating the castle as of late, and I've run out of room for my Second Edition Print of the first twelve volumes of Daring Do."

"Oh yeah?" Rainbow flipped another page.

"Maybe you would like to borrow them for a while?" Twilight shrugged. "Until I have the space again, at least. Honestly, you could keep them longer, if you like."

Rainbow looked up, blinking. "Wow... uhm..." She cocked her head aside. "Your Second Edition Print? You mean... you m-mean the ones with the—?"

"Gold-laced pages. Yes." Twilight Sparkle giggled. "I promise, they won't look garrish in your cloud home! Just place them in a spot where the sunlight isn't so bright and it should be just fine!"

"I'm not worried about decorating," Rainbow said, sliding in a bookmark and clasping her paperback edition shut. "That's just... heh... yeesh, Twilight..." She pointed at Rarity with a smirk. "Talk about outshining Generosity here."

Twilight giggled yet again. "Can I help it if I want my friends to be as happy as I am?"

"It's a fine gift, Twilight," Rarity said, winking aside. "I'm certain Rainbow Dash is beside herself with joy."

"I just... d-dunno what to say." Rainbow gulped. "Thanks a ton, Twi! Uhm... when should I...?"

"Any time! Just come on over and let yourself in! I mean it!" Twilight Sparkle motioned with a hoof. "Mi castle es su castle." She took a deep breath, then leaned back with a happy sigh. "Wow... the air is so crisp today! They really should open the windows in this place and let the afternoon just... flow through!"

"Uhm... I-I suppose the Cakes wouldn't mind if you requested it of them," Fluttershy said.

"Oh, I couldn't possibly be that demanding." Twilight stood up, stifling yet another titter. "But, for now, I think I'm gonna go sample some of that delicious-smelling coffee! You girls stay right where you are!" And she trotted off with a happy little bounce, humming to herself.

Rarity and Fluttershy stared after her, blinking mutually.

"Well, will you look at that?" Rarity mused.

"I am," Fluttershy said, smiling. "And I think it's wonderful."

Rarity looked at her friend. "What has she been up to lately? I feel like we haven't seen much of our favorite princess as of late."

"I... think she's been spending most of the time at the castle," Fluttershy remarked, tapping her chin in thought. "All last week and next, she's either been coming or going to her new home. Aside from a few chance conversations, she's... well... she's been a bit of a stranger."

"Oh, finally!" Rarity exhaled with relief. "At long last, it's happening!"

"What's happening?" Fluttershy said, blinking.

"Can't you see?" Rarity leaned in, whispering slightly. "Our dear Twilight has finally embraced her princesshood."

"You really think so?"

"Can't you see?" Rarity grinned from ear to ear. "All those weeks of melancholic mood swings were just an adjustment period! I do believe she's finally learning how to settle in!" She leaned back with a smug grin. "And to think that there was a time when she couldn't stand the sight of her castle's spacious interior."

"Pffft!" Rainbow suddenly blurted, nearly spitting out her last bite of doughnuts. "Are you girls for real? You think that's the reason she's all high-spirited and generous n'stuff?"

Rarity and Fluttershy looked over. "Well, we're more than willing to hear your hypothesis, Rainbow, darling," Rarity said.

"Isn't it obvious? Just look at recent history!" Rainbow gestured. "First, there was that Town with all ponies that we freed from Starlight Glimmer. Then there was the awesome job Pinkie and I did in Griffonstone. We recently avoided war with Yakyakistan—"

"Let's not forget Twilight's recent trip to Canterlot," Fluttershy remarked. She sighed happily. "My my, such a heartwarming tale..."

"Right. Her old pal Moonwalker's happy n'stuff. Whatever. Point is..." Rainbow leaned forward with a smirk. "Twilight's got a lot of friendship problems in the bag! I mean, in no small part thanks to us and the other girls, she's on one heck of a roll! Lemme tell you, when you feel that accomplished... heh... ain't no cooler feeling, ya dig?"

"Twilight... does enjoy scratching off the bullet points on her itinerary," Rarity said, fluffing her mane as she gazed off in thought. "But... that doesn't explain the rosiness in her cheeks... or the extra spring in the lady's step..."

Fluttershy's pupils suddenly shrank, and her muzzle made an "oh!" shape. She glanced left and right. "Uhm... I-I think I might have an idea, only it's... it's..." She bit her lip. "Oh dear... it wouldn't be very nice of me to say. Never mind."

"Tell us, darling!" Rarity said.

"Oh no. I couldn't. It's very inappropriate."

"Tell ussss! Oh please, Fluttershy, do tell us!" Rarity's muzzle hung open, and she glanced aside at Rainbow. "...or perhaps just tell me."

"What." Rainbow blinked.

"Well..." Fluttershy gulped hard. "Ulp. Okay." She leaned in, eyes trained on the far end of Sugarcube Corner as she whispered and whispered... and whispered into her fashionista friend's ear.

Rarity listened, her eyes also dancing about the bright pastel interior of Sugarcube Corner. At last, a few of Fluttershy's secret, honey'd words met their mark, and Rarity teetered backwards, her upper body propelled by a feminine gasp. "Oh! Fluttershy! You... you're absolutely right!!"

"Ohhhh..." Fluttershy sank slightly in her chair, covering a blushing muzzle with her mane hair. "I-I'm not even sure I want to be!"

"But, that would explain everything!" Rarity fanned herself, chuckling through a dumb smile. "And there's absolutely, positively nothing wrong with it! Why... I'm feeling happier and happier for Twilight already!"

"What for?" Rainbow frowned. "Seriously! I'm sitting at this table too, y'know!"

"Oh Rainbow, my dear..." Rarity waved a dainty hoof, chuckling. "It's nothing."

Rainbow pouted, folding her forelimbs. "Sure doesn't sound like 'nothing.'"

"No no no, what I mean is..." Rarity squirmed in her seat, avoiding the pegasus' gaze. "Oh, how do I put this without coming across as uncouth... well, Rainbow, quite frankly, you just wouldn't understand."

"Well, no, that's not true, Rarity!" Fluttershy exclaimed.

"No, what I mean is: Rainbow Dash isn't exactly the kind of pony to care."

"Huh? Oh..." Fluttershy blinked hard. She smiled slightly. "Yes, I suppose that's true."

"Hey!" Rainbow's voice cracked as she leaned across the table. "I do so care about Twilight! Why... I'm as loyal to her as any other mare at this table! If not more so!"

"Oh, that's definitely not something we'd ever put into dispute, Rainbow," Rarity said. "Suffice it to say, however, that Twilight's joy may very well be attributed to something that extends beyond 'friendship.'"

Fluttershy giggled.

"... ... ..." Rainbow squinted. "You... you mean she's adopting a new dragon apprentice or something?"

Fluttershy giggled harder. Rarity joined in.

"Come onnnnn..." Rainbow flung her forelimbs forward. "I'm at my wit's end here! Don't make me beg!"

"It's rather simple, Rainbow," Rarity said. "Twilight's a princess now. She's entitled to... certain luxuries. In truth, she's always been. However—and this is simply a forward presumption on our part—it wouldn't surprise us if she's finally found herself in the position to... court a handsome beau."

Rainbow stared and blinked... blinked and stared. "...you mean you think she's dating?"

"Well, among other things," Rarity said.

"And those things' things," Fluttershy blurted.

Rarity gasped. "Fluttershy! Good heavens, dear!"

Fluttershy giggled, positively swimming behind a thick lock of pink hair.

Rarity gave her shoulder a playful swat. "Don't pretend to be so bashful! I'm actually rather proud of you for that one..."

Rainbow looked towards the service counter of the place where Twilight was getting her coffee made. She then looked back at her marefriends. "Our Twilight? No..." She looked back, then faced her friends yet again, this time squinting. "Nooooooo..."

Rarity chuckled. "Truth is stranger than the fiction in your Daring Do books, darling."

"You mean our Twilight? Princess Egghead of the Republic of Dictionarystan?" Rainbow rolled her ruby eyes. "The only thing she kisses is Spike to sleep each night."

"If it makes you feel better to think so, then so be it."

"Okay... let's make one thing clear." Rainbow waved a hoof. "I'm not a friggin' foal, mmkay? I know all about the birds and the bees and... erm... allergy season."

"Oh Rainbow, nopony's saying otherwise," Fluttershy said.

"Then what's with all the coy smirks and giggles?" Rainbow shrugged. "You think I've never imagined Twilight capable of getting naughty in the saddle? It's a big universe and stranger things have been known to happen! I just think—"

"You think what?" Rarity asked, eyelashes fluttering.

"I just think that it's far from the first thing on Twilight's itinerary!" Rainbow glared. "And don't give me that look." She picked up her Daring Do novel again. "Twilight Sparkle's into books and checklists and friendship conventions and that kind of stuff. She's just... just..." The pegasus shivered. "...not at all into having... mrmmm... somepony make love to her. I mean... yeesh... don't we all have better things to be doing with our time?"

"But that's just it, Rainbow," Fluttershy said in a gentle tone. "Not everypony's like you."

"... ... ..." Rainbow looked up with an icy squint. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Fluttershy blinked. "Erm... I-I suppose... uhm..."

"Not th-that there's anything wrong with it!" Rarity stammered. "We think it's... a rather noble and charming trait!"

Rainbow leaned forward. "What's a rather 'noble and charming trait?!'"

Rarity and Fluttershy gritted their teeths, looking anxiously at one another...

"I'm back!" Twilight slid into her table with a fragrant cup of coffee. "Mmm-mmm! Delicious! Ooh! Can I have one of those sprinkled doughnuts, Rarity?"

"Oh! Uhm... by all means, your Highness!"

"Heehee..." Twilight did a mock "curtsey" and lifted the treat in question off its plate. "Why, thank you, Duchess Rarity." She winked, took a bite, and hummed in pleasure at the succulent morsel. "Mmmmmm... you know... mrmmmff... the Castle is big and spacious and all, but I was thinking of having a patio extension built along the north side."

"Really...?" Fluttershy squirmed in her seat less and less. She kept a wary eye trained on Rainbow as she leaned towards Twilight. "...you don't say?"

"Well, I'd have to discuss it with the Mayor first and make sure it didn't violate any city regulations. I mean, I know I'm a princess and all, but I'm not about to overstep my bounds. But once she learns that it could mean a new place for communal gatherings and picnics, then I think she would be on board! I mean... why can't we all enjoy a bit of reverie once in a while?"

"But of course, darling." Rarity bore a coy smile. "One thing Ponyville is never short of is... parties. Ahem."

"I know! Just what I was thinking! Mrmfff... Celestia, these doughnuts are amazing!"

Rainbow Dash slumped back in her seat, sighing. As Twilight continued with her speech, the pegasus dug her muzzle deep into her Daring Do book, blotting out the sights of the other mares seated with her.