Rainbow Dash's Road Trip

by DerpyOnkustaken

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Human
Length: 1183

Rainbow takes her friends on a road trip to nowhere.

It's just a road trip, and a weird one at that. Or is it?
Rated teen for maybe.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-23 23:56:14 UTC

The Invitation

Oh, my aardvark! I just had the best idea ever! My dad's going on a business trip, meaning that for the whole weekend I can use his car! Yeah! Now what's a road trip without friends? A steam-clearing drive to nowhere in particular. So, let's roll!

I wandered the halls. looking for one of my friends. I found Sunset Shimmer in the band room, polishing the inside of swabbing (whatever) a clarinet. "What?" she asked as I approached her. "I'm going on a road trip this weekend! Wanna come?" She just gave me a dirty look as if I was going to prank her again. I shrugged, then replied, "No loss. Have fun without me." I wanted to find Pinkie or Applejack or someone, though I found Derpy, the airhead with the vision problem.

"Want a muffin?" she asked, pulling a half-eaten, smashed muffin out of her backpack. Gurk. I forced down my disgust. I mean, what kind of idiot picks a trod-over muffin off the floor and eats it? Worse yet, they offer people it! (HINT, HINT.) Blaah! I ran down the hall and bumped into Skunkhead. Then I skid past him, into to the room that Rarity was using for her home ec project.

"Yes, darling?" she inquired.

"Uh, I was thinking about taking you and everyone on the road-" She stabbed her finger with the needle in shock.

"WHAT!? Oh, no, no, no! That's too uncivilized for the likes of me." Then Rarity yelped and started to suck on her finger. So much for them.

Fluttershy had received her fourth insult online today when I located her, explaining why she was so easy to track. I tried to console her with an offer to take her onto the road over the weekend. She sniffed. "Okay. Only because the new volunteer, Onyx Fissure, is filling in. I give all the new recruits the benefit of the doubt." Her soppy eyes lit up as she spoke. Yes! I pumped my fist in the air- HISSSSS! "Yay! Rainbow's happy!" Pinkie Pie burst onto the scene, complete with confetti cannon.

"Oh, I heard every word!" she exclaimed. "I guess that I'm going, since there are no birthdays, anniversaries, or similar functions this weekend!" I just needed to ask one more person: AJ.

She's so unpredictable, like once I found her in the bathroom washing her hands, and once by the radiator, and twice in the library for a general tutorial period. This time she was up a tree untying her rope from some higher branches. She glanced in my direction and slipped a bit. "Whoa!" she shouted. And ouch. She just had to be twenty feet over me, exactly.

Ha, ha. In a very strained, strangled voice, I mustered, "Could you get off of me?"

"I'm sorry I smashed you back at that tree. Yes, I can come to your thing. Give me the details. I'll be there." That made three, plus my little pal Scoots. I was really looking forward to my plan! And I can- and will- make it work. So I got me a road trip, and I'm glad Rarity never came, because I would have to work around her trash. Thanks, Rarity!

The Preparation

Everyone who said they'd come came. I hollered, "Okay, scoot in, everyone! I still have to cram your bags in the back seat and stuff." AJ raised her hand. "Yes?" "Um, can I sit in front? I get m-" A pink blur shot to the front. "Sorry, pal. Pinkie's riding shotgun today!" She hopped in and started the car while Fluttershy was still helping me pack. The engine went whoovf, the Fluttershy went squeak. Pinkie almost took off with me in the back! I was supposed to be driving! I still had to pick Scootaloo up, so off I went.

When Scoots got in, I admitted that I had no plan whatsoever. Pinkie asked me, "Then where the heck are we going?" To her I yelled, "Nowhere in particular! I'm going with the flow!" "The flow of what? Roads aren't magnetic!" Stupid Pinkie; roads don't need to be magnetic! How is that relevant to anything I said? What I did say was that I had my awake-face on, and I was going to keep it on as long as possible! Wait- did I say that?

The Ride Out

Applejack looked a little under the weather, so Scootaloo started telling knock-knock jokes. I decided to tell my favorite one: "Knock knock." "Who's there?" Fluttershy asked, customarily. "Me. I kill you." She seemed offended, so I explained the whole thing to her, especially the fact that it was just a joke. Then Pinkie suggested we sing stupid songs. "Bah. I never came to sing namby-pamby songs," I remarked. "He was a great editor," Scootaloo protested. Then for half an hour, there was silence, minus the occasional groan from the back. I saw a flock of geese overhead. Bang! I turned my gaze to the road. Fluttershy, who had been taking a nap, jolted awake. "What was that?"

I stopped the car and brought out a wrench, in case something broke. Poor AJ ran out the door and leaned on the nearby guardrail, holding her head, and Pinkie ran around looking for a road sign or something telling us where we were. Then she started to freak because there were no such indicators. (Not like she could read in the first place.) Scootaloo followed suit, running around aimlessly. Flttershy lost all control of herself and fell to the ground, then screeched because it scraped her. Wuss. I needed gas, and from someone that could stand without trouble. That meant I had to get it. Wonderful.

Three miles later, we were back on the road. Someone in the back coughed, which broke the general quiet of the moment. Then I asked if anyone wanted to play a game. Pinkie immediately shouted, "ME ME ME ME! Oh, and can I drive?" "NO!" Scootaloo wanted to play I Spy, so we did. "I spy a bird!" "Where?" I demanded. Fluttershy could give me a quick response, stating that "it's an Alicornian condor, a male by the colors of it cryptic plumage, ten-foot wingspan...." BANG! I just realized that I crashed into something. "Oops," I said sheepishly. We continued on, until I saw a plane. "It's a plane! First plane was flown in 1901, at Kitty Hawk-" "Meow meow meow! Caw, caw!" Pinkie responded. BANG! I crashed into something else. Sorry, just my ADHD (what was that again?) kicking in. "Applejack? You've been awfully quiet today. Have you seen anything?" She slumped noticeably. "I don't feel so good." Pinkie retorted, "How are you supposed to see that?" Then she made a sarcastic, huffy face. "Wait- I see an egg salad sandwich joint!" Scootaloo perked up promptly. "Let's stop there! I'm hungry!" I had to parallel-park, and I've never been very good at that. So I tried. Screeeeeeeeeech! The van went back and forth, back and forth. I As soon as I opened the door, someone retched.