That's How the Accursed Cookies Crumble
This work of fan fiction contains characters, ideas, situations, and places found in the Hasbro Studios series "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic". No infringement of copyright is implied by this work of satire and parody, and this work is meant as a celebration of the people involved in the creation, development, and production of the series.
Original Release Date: March 31st, 2011
That's How the Accursed Cookies Crumble
Written by The Descendant
Chapter 1
"Dear Princess Celestia,
As requested when you gave me permission to use the Frames of Vision enchantments, I have enclosed a narrative of how they were used.
My dear friend Pinkie Pie is a lovely soul, and her buoyant spirit has seen us through much. Yet, as the day of pranks drew near her close confidants, one in particular, and I grew a conspiracy…"
The glorious sun that Celestia broke across the sky that morning was almost as vivid as the devilish smile that Pinkie Pie wore as she awoke in the cascading rays.
"Oh," she began, singing along with a spontaneous tune in her head, "A day of pranks, a day of jokes…a day for tricking lots of folks…"
She sang this tune as she danced a little hornpipe around Gummy, the alligator watching her as she spun in circles around him. As he looked on she made ready for the day in her little bathroom.
She sang the song as she did her chores, bouncing from one end of Sugarcube Corner to the other, the Cake family looking on in happy acceptance of her infectious cheer.
She sang it, almost with manic glee, as she waited on customers, imagining the immense trebuchet that she and Dash were soon to build. A great vast smile crossed her face as she imagined the whole of Ponyville under a deluge of 2,467 day-old custard doughnuts.
"Is there anything else I can do for you, Mister and Misses Cake?" she asked, bouncing in place.
"No dear, you go ahead…I don't know what you're up to, but please make sure that there's not too much property damage," said Mrs. Cake with a smile, her husband leaning across the countertop, nodding his head.
With that there came a knock on the door, one that grew into a series of worried poundings.
"Oh, Dashie and I are off to prank! Sending doughnuts through the air with one big yank," she sang as she bounded to answer the door, expecting Rainbow Dash to be there, awaiting her.
Instead, as she opened it, her wide grin was instead met with a half-ton safe that thudded to the floor in front of her. Soon it was followed by the strained and terrified faces of Big Mac, Blues, and Caramel…each straining to push it through the shop to the stairs beyond.
"Huh, imagine that," answered Pinkie Pie, watching them progress across the store, her eyebrows arching.
"Don't just stand 'round gawkin'!" cried a familiar voice. Pinkie looked up to see Applejack, her face a picture of concern. "C'mon, help us push it up to yer' room!"
"Oh, okay!" she said, throwing her weight into the effort, baffled expressions falling over the faces of the Cake family as the visitors heaved it along. Soon they had reached her small sitting room, and as the boys huffed and puffed Applejack wiped sweat from her brow.
As they made their way back downstairs and out into the street beyond Pinkie, her usual bubbly self, spoke, "Wow, that sure was hard work! We did our best though, and now the safe is in my room where…it's…safe…"
At once her expression fell, and with a whiny a look of confusion fell over her. "Ummm…why did we do that?"
" 'Cause yer' the only one I 'kin trust with the cursed cookies."
"Oh, of course! That makes sense," said Pinkie, her face turning back to her brightly lit demeanor, but just as quickly fading again into shock, "Wait…what?"
"Near as we can figure, somepony put a curse on a box of cookies, and it got delivered to us at Sweet Apple Acres!"
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" began Pinkie, drawing a deep breath, an expression across her face like she was about to launch into song. That all faded at once, and she spoke in a small voice, "No."
"Pardon?" said Applejack, a concerned look crossing her face.
"C'mon A.J.!" said Pinkie, smiling, "You know that I know what today is, and that today being what it is that what you are doing is probably related to this day, and that I'm really into this day, so I can see pretty clearly what your doing is about today…"
Pinkie leaned in close, winking at Applejack, expecting an admission.
"Errr," said A.J., looking back to Big Mac, Caramel, and Blues, the stallions shrugging their shoulders in unison, "What ya' drivin' at?"
"Oh!" began Pinkie, launching into the song that had been repeating in her head for hours, "A day of pranks, a day of jokes…a day for tricking lots of folks…"
Pinkie was just about to the part of the song where, in her head, a shower of rubber chickens was descending around her. It was, however, abruptly ended when she was thrust from her theatrics by the force of Applejack tackling her to the ground.
"Now lookie here!" said Applejack, her face a tortured canvas, "I know that ya' know what today is, and that I know that I couldn't put one over on ya' by mah lonesome! I couldn't even do it with all the colts here at mah side! You know that…"
Pinkie's startled expression fell down into one of deep concern as she looked up to where Applejack stood over her. As she watched Applejack's face became filled with concern, perhaps even fear. Applejack looked down to her, and as though she just realized that she had the other earth pony pinned she self-consciously backed away, letting Pinkie sit up.
"Errr, sorry," she said, turning away. "Pinkie, I ain't up ta' snuff on pranks and jokes and the like, not to mention bein' at yer' level or Dash's. I wouldn't even dare try somethin' like that on my own. Pinkie, I promise ya'…that safe is full of cookies…and there's magic in 'em…I swear ta' ya'…I need a magic user tah' figure 'em out…and Twilight's off with Rarity, Spike, and Fluttershy…I need yer' help, Pinkie, please…please…"
Pinkie looked to Applejack, saw her head hang low. "A.J., I…" she began, lifting herself.
"If ya' don't believe me, take a gander at Golden Delicious on over there!" implored Applejack, turning back to her.
Pinkie fixed a stallion in her gaze, her eyes mellowing. "Omigosh! You look terrible! You're a disaster! You look awful!"
"Ummm…Pinkie," interjected Applejack, wrinkling her nose, "That's Blues."
Pinkie looked back at the horribly depressed figure of Blues, his ears flopping down, his expression falling. "Oh, sorry," said Pinkie with an apologetic giggle, and then turning to the nearby figure of another stallion. This one was in a full body cast, and seemed to be riding a wheelchair.
"Omigosh! You look terrible! You're a disaster! You look awful! What happened?" she implored.
"Mmmummphr, mummf, um mum mumpherumph!" he said through the thick cast, Pinkie perking up one of her ears, placing it close to where his mouth should be to in order to listen.
"That's terrible! Oh, A.J., I'm so sorry! What do you need me to do?"
"Just don't touch the safe, don't do anything! Just leave 'em there!" said Applejack, motioning back towards the bakery, "Promise me ya' won't!"
"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!" she exclaimed without a moment's hesitation, going through the movements by memory.
She opened her eyes to see the assemblage smiling at her, and as Applejack leaned in for a quick hug the happy expressions returned to their faces.
At that moment there was a flash of wings, and in a burst of wind Rainbow Dash was in their presence.
"Hey!" she stated, looking up and down the scene with a puzzled look, "Pinkie, what's going on?"
"Oh, nothing, just helping A.J. with some cursed cookies…ready to build the…thing?" replied Pinkie moving from nonchalant to enthusiastic in a heartbeat.
"What?" stated Dash, crossing over to where Applejack stood, "Are you trying to pull a fast one on Pinkie? She's knows what today is and…"
"I know that she knows what today is!" retorted Applejack, "But there really is a box of cursed cookies!"
"Where!" demanded Dash.
"I ain't sayin'!" replied Applejack.
As the stallions watched the two volleyed back and forth as though they were watching a tennis match, and as they argued Pinkie's eyes furrowed.
"Dashie!" she said, popping up between them, "There is a curse! Just look at that horribly disfigured pony over there!"
Applejack and Dash turned towards where Pinkie indicated, but after a moment, Applejack sighed. "Pinkie, that's Blues…again," she said, watching the stallion slump even further into despondency and then canter away, "You mean him."
As Applejack motioned towards where Golden Delicious sat Dash looked at the cast-covered pony and hummed. "Alright, but I've got my eye on you, Applejack! This day is meant for top-notch pranksters like Pinkie and me…mostly me, but a lot of Pinkie, too, so no amateur hour!"
With that Pinkie and Dash went off down a side road, Applejack watching them go.
When they had disappeared from view Applejack giggled. Nodding to the colts she waited for them leave, then headed back into the bakery with a wide smile.
"Thanks, folks!" she said to the Cake's as they opened Pinkie's door for her. With that she sauntered up to the safe, opened it, and let the cookies spill out onto the floor. They hummed with magic, just as she had promised.
Using a pole to open the skylight she waited, watching the blue sky above drift by, feeling the early spring air drift past. At once though the faces of Twilight, Fluttershy, and the three foals replaced that vista.
"C'mon down, the coast is clear!" she called up as two rope ladders clattered down. Fluttershy drifted within, something clenched to her chest, and Twilight's magic flashed her into the room.
"Move quickly now, everyone!" called Twilight, checking on the cookies, her magic spell brightly sparkling. "Okay, crush up the little one there…good job!" she said, watching Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle take turns smashing it to pieces, its magic sputtering as they did do.
There was a small yelp from the bathroom, and Twilight and Applejack startled. They looked to one another, and Applejack called out in alarm, "Shy, you okay?"
"Oh, yes…I'm…fine. I was just a little...little surprised. They are…different than most of my animals…but they're…neat," said the pegasus pony as she exited the bathroom, not one but two alligators held close to her body, rubbing their bellies.
"I kin' hardly tell Gummy from the other!" laughed Applejack, the foals looking on.
"The one we brought from the zoo is darker green…just a touch, and of course," said Twilight, motioning to him. As she did so the new alligator snapped his jaws, showing off rows of teeth. Gummy looked on jealously.
"Okay, we're out of here!" called Twilight, lifting the foals back onto the ladders, Fluttershy gathering up Gummy. "You know what to do, right?" she said, looking to the greener 'gator. He snapped at her with a big smile, and as she giggled she disappeared in a flash of magic, leaving Applejack and the alligator standing before the opened safe, the cookies spread around Pinkie's sitting room.
As the ladders were rolled up and the skylight closed Applejack nodded to the 'gator then went down the stairs, locking the door behind her. Upon reaching the street she nodded at Ditzy Doo as the wall-eyed pony took to the air.
As she did so Applejack laughed again, knowing that there would soon be a discovery…
Rainbow Dash nodded approvingly at their large construct, one that was beginning to take on the appearance, in a certain light, of a trebuchet.
As she did so some movement caught her vigilant eye. As the form of Ditzy Doo coasted overhead Dash baked in the sun, and she looked back to where Pinkie tried with stout resolution to operate a screwdriver.
"Hey," said Dash, wiping away the sweat of the day, "We forgot to bring drinks with us, didn't we?"
"Yup," said Pinkie Pie, desperately trying to balance the screwdriver in her hooves.
"Would you know where to find something to drink?" she asked, seeking shade.
"Oh, sure," answered Pinkie, trying to hold up a screw.
Dash looked at her for a while, her expression dropping. After long moments a dog barked in the distance, and Dash sighed.
"Could you possibly, you know, get some for us?"
"Okay!" said Pinkie as both the screwdriver and screw rolled away, and with bounding strides she turned and made her way towards the bakery, leaving Dash to ponder the use of the mysterious tool.
As Pinkie bounced her way back down the hill the straining figure of Applejack came into view. As Applejack huffed and grunted, Pinkie circled her for a bit, then stopped. "Hey, A.J., you need some help?" she asked, looking down on her struggling friend. 'Thank ya' kindly!" said Applejack, her disposition improving.
At once the saddlebags had fallen over her, and the two made their way back to the bakery. "What's in these bags, A.J.?" she asked, her legs trembling.
"Chains! C'mon!" said Applejack, angling towards the bakery. Soon the two were at the top of the interior stairs, entering Pinkie's room. "I wanna thank ya' for lettin' me keep the cookies here…no idea just how dangerous they could be…" said Applejack, lifting the heavy saddlebags, Pinkie sighing happily as they were removed, "Yup…can't be to careful wit'…the cookies!"
A.J. dropped the saddlebags back onto Pinkie, her fellow earth pony dropping with a surprised yelp. "Pinkie!" accused Applejack, pointing to the safe, the scattered cookies, and the crumbs, "Did you open the safe? Ya' promised me!"
"What? No!" answered Pinkie, struggling to get out from beneath the chains.
"No, I haven't been back here since we left!" Pinkie looked over the scene, shock across her face, then up into Applejack's accusing face. At once she repeated her promise, "Cross my heart," she stated, then "hope to fly," bouncing about, and finally, "stick a cupcake in my eye!"
As she did she produced a cupcake from her private stash, and smeared it across her face, bits sticking in her eyebrows.
Applejack bit her lip, partly in sympathy, but in no small part trying to stifle a giggle. Quickly recovering she implored, "Well how in tarnation did it come open? Who ate the cookie?"
"It looked to be a small one, a sugar cookie," she said, sifting through the crumbled remains that still sparked with magic.
"I don't get it!" said Pinkie, pointing to what she thought was her pet alligator as it appeared in the bathroom door, "It's not like anyone was in here except for Gummy."
As she pointed to him she looked back to Applejack, then at once back to "Gummy". In a dash she had gathered the reptile up. "Gummy!" she giggled, "You're greener! And an adept safecracker, apparently…but mostly greener!"
"Careful!" called Applejack, "He may be cursed!"
"Oh," began Pinkie Pie, singing another song which had welled up within, "The cookie made my Gummy greener, the cookies made him shimmer-sheemer…"
At this line this other alligator had clamped down on her tail, a position she was accustomed to. Yet, as her next line died down, something was different.
"The cookie made…my…Gummy….huh…" she said, her dancing slowing to a standstill. With a confused look she fixed A.J. with a questioning glare.
"Hey, Applejack," she said, "I'm thinking of a word…it's kinda smallish, not really a word…like something you say when…oh…"
"Wow?" guessed Applejack, watching the alligator gnaw on Pinkie's tail.
"No, not as happy…kinda like…when something feels…"
"Ow?" said Applejack, empathizing.
"Yeah!" smiled Pinkie, "Ow!"
"Ow…ow. Ow," she repeated, her expression falling each time. Soon her understanding of the word was revealed as complete. "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" she cried, racing around in a circle, Applejack at once trying to help and stifle laughter.
With an audible yank Pinkie pulled the alligator off her tail, and looked into his jaws.
"Gummy!" she said happily. "Your teeth grew back! That's wonderful!"
As she continued her praise she clutched "Gummy" to her and swung him back and forth, his jaws snapping at random intervals, "Now you can eat solid food again! You can go fishing in the pond! You can rend pony flesh from bone!"
"No, wait," she said, her expression falling once more, looking at Applejack with concern, "That last one was bad, right?"
"Real bad!" stated Applejack, putting the cookies back in the box, and closing them within the safe. Soon she was pulling out the chains and wrapping it, snapping thick locks, binding the chains tight. She dropped all the keys into Pinkie's vase, and they rattled around tellingly.
"He's been cursed, Pinkie! No tellin' how bad! We can't act like this is nuttin'! We can't have him getting' into the safe again…I'm…I'm willing to believe that I left it open…sorry to have blamed ya'…"
"No problem…and it all worked out…" said Pinkie, swinging "Gummy" back and forth in her arms, oblivious to how often she was narrowly missing the snapping jaws.
There was a burst of air, and the door flew open. "What worked out?" called an upset looking Rainbow Dash.
"Gummy cracked the safe and ate one of the cursed cookies," she said holding "Gummy" up to Dash, "He was cursed…with greenerness…and dentistry!"
With that "Gummy" hissed at Dash, and the pegasus pony recoiled with a look of shocked horror as the reptile showed off rows of fine white teeth. Quickly recovering she shot an accusing look at Applejack, and then pushed Pinkie out of the room. "Whatever!" called Dash, "I've been out in the sun for an hour working alone waiting for you to come with the drinks!"
"Hey A.J.!" called Pinkie as she went down the stairs, "Put Gummy back in the tub and close the door, he can't get out, and don't worry so much! The 'curse' of those cookies doesn't seem to pack much of punch! I don't see any tentacles or extra eyes or nothin'! Oh, punch! Dash, let's get something to drink…I'm thirsty for some reason…"
As Dash screamed in frustration Applejack chuckled to herself, then turned to a nearby picture frame and spoke, "She don't know half o' what this here 'curse' kin' do, right partners?"
Unknown to Pinkie the cookies alone were not the only accursed object in that room. As Applejack spoke her image and words flew through the pictures in Pinkies room to a distant place. The Frames of Vision curse, a powerful and potentially dangerous one, transmitted these words and images to a suite in the nearby Hotel Sea Biscuit. There vast canvases were arranged, and the oils, paints, and watercolors of their construction danced around, showing off the interior of Pinkie's rooms to an assemblage of more than a dozen ponies, reptiles, and friends, all of whom smiled at Applejack's comment.
As Applejack returned to the suite she looked above the door to the big hoof-painted banner. "Operation: Have Some, Pie!" it read, and she giggled at the name.
"Hey, brother, ya' bring that extra collar with ya'?" she said looking to where Big Mac posed.
"By the door, Sis'," he motioned, but at once he received a reprimand. "Mister Mac!" came a demand, "We simply can't have you moving about! Please stay still and maintain the pose!"
"Sorry Miss Rarity, just assistin' mah sister," he said, returning to his previous posture with a grin. Nearby Golden Delicious was being freed of the cast, sighing with relief as he was. "What did you tell Pinkie?" asked Snips as Snails finished chipping away at the enclosure. "Couldn't think of nothin' so I just went 'Mmmummphr, mummf, um mum mumpherumph!', and she applied her own meanin'!" laughed the large earth pony.
Applejack retrieved her brother's spare horse collar and brought it over to where a herd of ponies worked around another alligator, this one much larger...an adult.
"You're doing…so, so…well!" said Fluttershy, calming the big reptile as paint flew around. Applejack giggled as she watched Gummy, the real Gummy, swing from the pegasus pony's tail.
Applejack looked up as some magic flashed across the room, and from where Rarity had been working emerged a massive wig that crossed towards the group. Making room Applejack pranced over to where Twilight and the C.M.C. lay before the canvases. As they gazed over the contents Applejack nuzzled her little sister and her friends and then slid beside Twilight.
"So far so good!" said Applejack, winking at the unicorn. "You've done excellent," said Twilight, looking up from one big painting, one in which the "Gummy" could be seen. Each time he blinked or swayed the paints swirled, capturing the scene, the foals making excited sounds each time.
Soon the patter of clawed feet could be heard, and the five looked up to Spike. "Twi," he said with a martial look, "We're ready. We're good to go."
"Okay everyone!" called Twilight, standing, looking to the group. As she did so she caught sight of the bigger 'gator, and laughed a bit, but soon recovered. "'Operation: Have Some, Pie!' Second Phase! Move!"
There was a flurry of movement, the suite emptying in moments, startled guests of the Hotel Sea Biscuit getting some small glimpse into the working of the prank as the conspirators raced down the stairs. More than a few guessed that it had something to do with the date and holiday it involved.
Returning to the canvas Twilight shimmied back to her sentinel post and watched as the hurried crew burst into Pinkie's apartment, aided by the Cake's, and put the next iteration of the scene in order.
Applejack though stood at one of the many windows of the suite, taking deep breaths. "Oh, Applejack!" called Rarity, giggling at what the canvas revealed, "They're on their way back!"
As Applejack turned to go out the door whistles and huzzahs reached her from all within, and with a wink she headed down the grand staircase, through the lobby and out into Ponyville's streets. In a nearby alley she found the wagon, and began to pull. Reaching the main street she nodded to Gramps as he made his way by, his old rickety cart weaving along behind.
Awhile later he passed by where Dash and Pinkie continued their labors, bringing their trebuchet to completeness.
"Alright," spoke Dash, momentarily distracted by the squeaking of the cart, "We need to rig up the counterweight…where's the counterweight?"
"I dunno…all I had was that big basket you gave me," said Pinkie, staring aghast at a hammer.
"Pinkie," said Dash with an audible sigh, noting that Pinkie still had cupcake frosting in her eyelashes, "The basket is the counterweight."
"Well then why didn't you just say 'the basket'?" asked Pinkie, turning to Dash, watching the pegasus place her face in her hoof.
"Please go get the basket," said Dash without lifting her head.
"Okay!" said Pinkie, and with that she bounded off toward town.
"Oh, today's a day of pranks, a day of jokes…a day for pranking lots of folks…" she began once more, lost in her own little prank-fueled world, her eyes closed and singing happily in tune with the song in her head.
Yet, once again, her song was interrupted mid-stanza…this time by the rude interjection of a vast slab of steel into her personal space.
"Heya, Pinkie!" said Applejack, looking down to where Pinkie Pie lay in a semi-conscious state, "Glad yer' here! Ya' can help me pull this here shieldin'…cart's getting' a mite heavy."
It may have been her immense natural energy feeding her excitement on this day of days, or perhaps the massive head trauma, but before Pinkie knew what had happened she found herself once again standing in her own sitting room.
Having helped carry the metal case up the stairs she fought for breath. With heaving gasps she struggled to ask, "Why…why did, why did…we carry this thing up…the stairs?"
"Why ta' help keep the cookies all locked…away," began Applejack, smiling and pointing to the safe. Yet, with a double take she looked back and saw it wide open and its contents strewn about. "The cookies!"
Pinkie, who had been lying on top of the metal case and recovering from her exertions, yelped with surprised and rolled off at Applejack's alarm. Running beside her friend she looked on aghast, "But…the cookies," she began pointing to the survivors and the mountain of crumbs, "were in the safe," she said gesticulating wildly at its wide open door, "and it was wrapped in the chains!" she said, dancing about the heap of metal links.
"Pinkie," said Applejack, a hurt expression crossing her face, "You didn't open the safe...did you?"
"Aw!" gasped Pinkie, stopping mid step, seemingly hanging in the air, "Never! Cross my heart," she said, placing a mark across her chest, "hope to fly," she repeated, bouncing on her sofa towards the skylight, "stick a cupcake in my eye!" she finished, smearing cupcakes from her now depleting reserve in both her eyes.
As she opened them she saw Applejack biting her lip, then as frosting dripped to the floor the other earth pony spoke, "So…it must'a been Gummy! Again!"
"But how?" asked Pinkie, blinking cupcake crumbs out of her vision.
"Probably these here bolt cutters," said A.J., holding up a suspiciously obvious pair of the implements, "Looks like he ate the chocolate chunk cookies…those are Big Mac's favorites…"
"But, but…where would he get bolt cutters?" said Pinkie, looking over the scene.
"Don't be muddlin' the issue! You get over there and call him out on this, it ain't no laughin' matter!" said Applejack in a serious tone. Inside her own mind, though, she was laughing hysterically and rolling on the floor.
She wasn't the only one given over to fits of laughter, and in the distant suite in the hotel a great mass of ponies and reptiles looked on through the numerous paintings as Pinkie went to the bathroom door and, in a very confused tone, spoke, "Gummy…I'm disappointed…in you? I think. I'm coming in."
As she opened the door she looked to the tub. After a second of bewilderment her eyes went wide, and she whinnied in surprise.
In the hotel, where they knew what she had just seen, the masses broke down into hysterics. Applejack, knowing as well, pretended to be putting the cookies back. She hid her face in the safe as her stifled laughter made her convulse.
"Hey, A.J.," said Pinkie in a weak tone, "You said that those were Big Mac's favorites right?"
"Errr, yes," replied Applejack.
"That…that makes sense. In context," said Pinkie, staring at her tub. Silence reigned for all of about five seconds, and then, with a fantastic leap into the air and a massive scream Pinkie ran back to Applejack, grabbed her up, and pulled her into the bathroom.
"Applemac...err, Jackummy, the big Jack has the Gummy of my Mac! No, the gummigator is…Maclejack! Look…my mactile is an allipony! It's…it's, it's…a Macigator!" gesticulated Pinkie wildly, pointing over and over to the tub.
There, in the dry tub, sat a massive adult alligator. Mostly. It was rather crimson, and had, apparently and unusually for a reptile, an orange mane. Its horse collar and green eyes were very, very, very reminiscent of Applejack's big brother. It's claws were even the same color of Big Mac's hooves.
As Pinkie Pie ran around her bathroom in a small circle screaming, waving her forelegs wildly, Applejack fought a determined battle to keep from bursting out laughing. In the hotel they had no such qualms, and the light fixtures shook in resonance with the laughter of the multitude as they stared at the flowing paintings.
Soon though Spike was running among the group, quieting them, clutching something small in his clawed hand. "Alright," said Twilight, wiping a tear from her eye, "You have to lean in close, you'll know when…"
With that Big Mac, smiling at his reptilian doppelganger, readied himself.
Back in Pinkie's rooms above the bakery she had quieted and calmed some. She now merely cantered around in a circle and babbled incoherently, slowing at intervals to stare at "Gummy Mac", then picking up her pace and mumbling some more.
Applejack went back out and prepared the safe once more, wanting some place to hide her face if she burst out laughing. "I told ya'," she pretended to scold, "they ain't ta' be messed with!"
"I gotta think, I gotta think, I gotta think…" said Pinkie, standing in the bathroom doorway, bouncing in place, one eye blinking reflexively.
"Ain't no thinkin' ta' be done," said Applejack, "We gotta leave 'em alone until Twi gets back from wherever she is…"
"No, wait, we…we…okay, so…he turned into Big Mac when he ate one of Mac's favorites, so…if I gave him one that might be his favorite…" she said, hopping around in a tight circle.
"No!" yelled Applejack, "No! No more touchin' the cookies!"
"But…that makes sense, right?" said Pinkie, imploring Applejack, receiving a stern look in reply. Pinkie turned back to the bathroom, looking over "Gummy Mac" once more. "That makes sense though…right? Right?" she asked no one in particular.
"E'yup," answered the alligator.
Applejack, having looked up at exactly the right moment, caught Pinkie's reaction in the mirror. Her expression had the appearance, she imagined, like somepony whom whilst at the heights of sensual rapture found themselves being hit by a runaway hay cart.
At that moment the middle balloon on Pinkie's cutie mark popped and sailed around her flanks with an indecent sound, finally settling between her cupcake encrusted eyes.
Applejack dived back into the safe in hopes of avoiding the detection of her massive spasms of encapsulated laughter. At the hotel the suite rocked with laughter as Twilight called, "I can fix that, I can fix that!" Big Mac, nodding to all around him with a smile, received their praise for his vocal acting.
Applejack had just regained control of her faculties and placed the metal shielding around the safe when Rainbow Dash appeared at the top of the stairs.
"Now what?" she asked in an angry tone, listening to the distant din. "See fer' yerself," motioned Applejack.
"Pinkie! Pinkie!" said Dash, approaching the bathroom, watching as Pinkie circled. "Pinkie…what…are…you…going…on…about?" said Dash, speaking one word each time Pinkie ran past.
Pinkie stopped mid-scream, balancing on one hoof, and pointed to the tub. Silence once more reigned, for about five seconds, and then Dash joined Pinkie in the circling cacophony, both ponies running around the bathroom in frantic ovals.
Dash at once stopped dead, and she looked back to see Applejack with her tail in her mouth. "If ya' ain't gonna offer helpful solutions to the conditions which prevail I, respectfully, suggest ya' make yerself scarce!" she volunteered.
"Fine!" replied Dash, winging her way out of the bathroom in a flurry of wind, but returning almost instantly with the vast basket that made up the counterweight of their trebuchet.
"We have work to do anyway!" she retorted, scooping up Pinkie. Pinkie scarcely noticed, and instead emitted a dainty little scream, a tiny and constant "Aaaaaaaahhhh…" which was perhaps more Fluttershinian in nature.
Dash placed her in the basket, and with a struggle, lifted her through the skylight, Pinkie's tiny scream fading into the distance.
"Hot dang!" said Applejack, watching them go, "This is just startin' to get good."
She then made her way down the steps and back to the hotel, awaiting happily the next act in the saga of this day of pranks.
That's How the Accursed Cookies Crumble
"That's How the Accursed Cookies Crumble"
Written by The Descendant
Chapter 2
In the reserved suite in the Hotel Sea Biscuit the masses moved towards implementing the next act of the gag. It was a massive operation, and in a fluid motion the dozens of ponies, reptiles, animals, and sole (if adept) dragon moved about in secretly practiced proficiency.
"Spike, dear," said Rarity, "I've just finished up with the next principal actor, so if you have a minute you and I should soon begin…"
"Oh, of course," he said, his expression calming from the militant one of his role in the gag into his usual love struck persona. In his clawed hand he held a small token, one that would add an air of authenticity to his role.
Watching from before the canvas Twilight rolled her eyes. If Rarity asked if she could pour jellyfish venom into his eyes Spike would probably agree, as long as she batted her lashes at him.
Twilight watched her crew clear Pinkie's room, gingerly removing the large adult alligator under Fluttershy's guidance. Her crack insertion unit, the C.M.C. placed the "evidence", and her "cleaners" looked for anything that could have betrayed their presence. The Cake family, willing and happy accomplices, waited to lock the door…and all of this played out in the swirling paints of the paintings before her.
At once she felt a shadow, and she looked up at a smiling face. "Your turn, big guy!" she winked.
Applejack had run up to the farm to do a quick chore or two, all play and no work made her a dull spur, but now she made her way back down the path, a happy look on her face. Fluttershy waved at her from the porch of the hotel, and Applejack nodded back and laughed along with the pegasus.
At once a large figure crossed behind the hotel, being secreted along, and Applejack picked up her pace, knowing that the next phase had begun.
Rainbow Dash baked in the mid-morning sun, the early spring day being uncommonly warm and sunny, even for a place where her kind controlled the weather. Watching Applejack canter by she scowled, then turned to Pinkie.
Pinkie however was not so concerned by the coming and going of ponies. She was also, it seemed (to Dash's great annoyance), not overly concerned with the construction of the trebuchet.
Dash looked on unimpressed and disturbed as Pinkie passed her popped balloon mark back and forth between her cupcake-covered eyes like a game of table-tennis, making "Doup, de doup, doup, de doup…" sounds as she did so in narration.
"Pinkie," asked Dash, one part horrified and another part entertained by the display, "Why are we building this trebuchet?"
"Oh," began Pinkie, the song starting once more, "Today is a day, a day of pranks, a day of jokes…a day for tricking lots of folks…"
"And…" interrupted Dash, the rubber chickens once again falling through Pinkie's visions uselessly, "What are we doing with the trebuchet?"
"Making 2,467 old filled doughnuts fly through the air, covering all with their custardy goodness!" said Pinkie, theatrically balancing at the mention of the day-old delights.
"Okay…now, if we're almost done, shouldn't we have them here? And, perhaps, shouldn't somepony who has been saving custard doughnuts go retrieve them?" asked Dash, motioning to Pinkie.
"Doup, de doup, doup, de doup, doup…" came her reply.
"Pinkie!" shouted Dash, laying her head on Pinkie's, the thought of touching the shrunken bit of cutie mark causing her flesh to crawl.
"Yes?" Pinkie answered with a grin.
"Go get the doughnuts!" called Dash.
"Okay!" replied the pink earth pony, bouncing off once more in her unique style. As Dash watched her go she brushed cupcake crumbs and frosting from her own forelock. As she watched Pinkie head off she wondered at her friend. Looking up to the trebuchet she wondered how this would all end.
Entering Sugarcube Corner Pinkie began looking for her stash of custard doughnuts. She was however interrupted by Applejack's return. "Heya' Pinkie, ya' need any help…I feel bad about droppin' all of this cookie madness on ya'…"
"Heh, well," stated Pinkie, "I can't really ask for help, 'cause, well…wink, wink…but if you'd like to help me to move some boxes to an undisclosed location I'd appreciate it!"
"Oh, ummm, sure…" said Applejack, following Pinkie up the stairs.
Upon entering the apartment Pinkie stopped dead, her mouth dropping open in surprise. Applejack moved alongside her, and with a look of shock she stared at the safe. The presence of an acetylene torch…not to mention the huge hole cut through the metal shields, the chains, and the safe's wall…was a rather large clue that something was amiss.
Applejack turned to Pinkie, a look of horror across her face. "Pinkie, Pinkie tell me…did you…?"
"No, no, no!" she cried, "Cross my heart, hope to fly…" and with that she delicately opened a nearby window, removed any impeding objects, and jumped out.
Applejack, looking on in shock, was joined in her sudden horror by those in the hotel where sat a mass of wide-eyed denizens.
The familiar sound of hooves came flying up the stairs, and a disheveled Pinkie Pie ran to her private stash and dug out the last of her designer cupcakes. She ran them across her face vigorously, calling out, "Rub a cupcake in my eye! My! Eye!"
"Okay…well, that leaves the usual suspect!" said a concerned Applejack.
At once Pinkie was off to the bathroom, leaving a trail of cupcake to join the cookie crumbs. "Careful!" called Applejack after her, "We don't know what kinda cookie he ate! He could be anything!"
Pinkie didn't care; she just wanted to find Gummy, to see that he was alright. She was so intent on finding out what had become of him that she accidentally passed first through her bedroom. She zipped directly past the mule lying in her bed, covered with rose petals and basking in the candlelight, before arriving in the bathroom.
"Hey A.J.! I don't see him! Were there tiny cookies in the box? Could he be really, really, really tiny? How about invisible cookies? Did you see any invisible…no, wait, that was silly…how about…"
"It was a gingerbread mule," said Applejack, arriving at the other door, "The gingerbread mule that was in the box is gone. Had all these candy hearts on it, couldn't hardly miss it. Who knows what that means…"
"Well, okay I guess…no, wait. Hold on. I'm missing something important here," she said, looking into the tub. "Oh, ummm…well, retrace yer' steps," suggested Applejack.
"Okay," said Pinkie, returning through her bedroom, saying "Excuse me," to the mule, it blowing kisses at her as she went by.
"Well, we saw the safe, and I went crazy and jumped out the window, and rubbed cupcakes all over my muzzle…" she said, turning around and heading back out of her sitting room.
"Then I passed through my bedroom here where there was a mule all covered…with…rose…petals…"
At that she stopped dead, looking upon the spectacle of the mule. As she watched it poured oil over itself and began flexing, and she began to blush. By the time Applejack dared look out from the bathroom Pinkie had turned such a brilliant crimson, blushing so intensely, that her hue challenged the dozens of candles that were scattered around the room in power of luminosity.
"Pinkie, my love!" called "Mully" leaping from the bed athletically, "I have acquired, by means of the magic of the cookies, an equestrian form! Now, yes now, I can reveal to you my secret longings!"
As Applejack looked on the mule, or Gummy to Pinkie, declared his love in grandiose and provocative terms.
"C'est l'amour!! C'est toujours!" he finished, "And now, my little cupcake, for your amusement…the gun show!" With that he hopped back upon the bed, poured a significant quantity of oil over himself, and therefore the bed, and flexed indecently.
Pinkie Pie had, by this point, begun blushing so hard that the she was leaving visible scorch marks on the floorboards and adjoining wall.
Applejack, fighting with all of her strength to keep from laughing out loud, hid beneath the tub, using its bulk to keep from breathing too hard and letting loose with laughter.
At the hotel, the entirety of the cast of "Operation: Have Some, Pie!" rocked back and forth with laughter, the entire room pulsing with their mirth. The availability of the air supply in the suite was jeopardized as the assembly laughed until their sides hurt.
There was a knock upon the door and Fluttershy, struggling for breath, answered. Before her stood a manager, and as she tried to stifle her laughter he asked, "On behalf of the hotel and due to complaints I must ask if you could keep the raucous laughter down to a reasonable…"
"No, no…I'm, I'm sorry…I, I don't think we can!" said the pegasus, giggling, slowly closing the door.
"Oh," said the surprised manager, trying to peak within the suite as it closed.
Back in Pinkie's apartment the declarations of the mule had now reached the point where he had gathered up her hoof and was kissing it while saying words like "moon" and "June" and other rambling and rhyming romantic utterances.
It was at this point where Pinkie's blushing reached a critical mass and she, with a single flash of fire, burnt a hole through the floor of her rooms into the shop below.
"Don't reject my love!" he called into the smoking edifice, and then slid to the floor in false tears.
In a moment Applejack, having regained control of her body, approached him and he looked up to her. "How'd I do?" asked the mule, putting his hooves behind his head. Applejack smiled and raised her hoof, and he gave her a hoof-pump in reply.
Prancing down the stairs Applejack put on a serious face, ready to continue the farce, but was surprised to see Rainbow Dash in the store. She made a trio of onlookers that, along with the Cake family, looked down upon a bedraggled, harried, and cupcake slathered Pinkie Pie.
"And there was oil everywhere!" she yelled, looking up to a blushing Dash from where she lay on her back, before whispering "Everywhere."
Pinkie lifted up her head in alarm, yet her body remained immobile. "Ohmigosh! I'm gonna need new bed sheets!"
She laid down her head, a blank expression barely hiding her confusion, then quickly lifted it back up, "I'm gonna need to burn my bed!"
"What…is…this…nonsense!" demanded Rainbow Dash, winging her way past Applejack, streaking up the stairs.
By the time Applejack had made her way to where Pinkie lay a blushing Rainbow Dash, not nearly as red and bothered as Pinkie yet still remarkably vibrant, had fallen through the same hole. Recovering a bit the pegasus shook an angry hoof to the distant hole in the ceiling and cried, "Whatta ya' mean 'consolation prize'?"
As Dash sat in a huff the Cake's continued their role in the gag.
"Pinkie," asked Mr. Cake, sitting next to her, "What's going on?"
"There's a love-struck mule in my room!"
"Young lady," continued Mrs. Cake, "You know our rules about having colts over!"
"But he's not really a mule, he's Big Mac!" said Pinkie, flubbing what she meant to say.
"Best to avoid love triangles, Pinkie, they don't work out," suggested Mr. Cake with a knowing sigh.
"But he's not Big Mac either! He's an alligator…but he ate…The Accursed Cookies!" replied Pinkie, slowly waving her forelegs through the air, her head bobbling back and forth on the floor.
Dash, showing great impatience, tapped her hoof on the floor over and over, waiting for Pinkie to show signs of mobility. Having made the arrangements for having all 2,467 of the doughnuts transported to where the trebuchet awaited use her patience to be complete with the project was now being tested…and Dash did not suffer waiting well.
"The Accurrrrsss...edddd CoooOOOooookkkkiiieeeessss!" stated Pinkie in a long and drawn out tone.
"Pinkie, we…" began Dash.
"The Accurrrrsss...edddd CoooOOOooookkkkiiieeeessss!"
"Oh for Celestia's sake!" called Rainbow Dash, taking Pinkie's tail in her mouth, spinning her around, and leading her out of Sugarcube Corner. At once she began to strain, and looking back she saw Pinkie's hooves grasping at the floorboards, long spirals of wood reeling around from where she was digging in.
"A.J., please, ya' gotta give Gummy another cookie," pleaded Pinkie.
"But, we don't know…we gotta wait…" stammered Applejack.
"We can't wait for Twilight! I have to be able to go into my room…and I'm not ready for a long-term relationship!" said Pinkie as the spiraling wood splinters grew larger.
"Pinkie, we don't know…he could become anything…what if he becomes some kind of oatmeal monster?"
"Preferable!" called Pinkie, grasping the doorframe, "Please A.J.!"
Applejack looked at her and, with a sigh, nodded her head.
"Thank you!" called Pinkie as she disappeared outside, a call of, "Accurrrrsss...edddd CoooOOOooookkkkiiieeeessss!" being her adieu.
When Pinkie and Dash had disappeared from view Applejack, smiling broadly, turned back to the Cake family and with a small blush of her own issued an apology.
"Sorry 'bout the floors, folks…we'll have the boys over here in a bit to put in new floorboards," she said with a nod, borrowing a piece of paper and a pencil to leave Pinkie a note.
"Oh well," said Mr. Cake, his wife laying her head into his chest as she giggled at the oddness of the day, "That's how the accursed cookies crumble."
At the Hotel Sea Biscuit the operatives of "Operation: Have Some, Pie!" were preparing for the final iteration of the plan.
As Applejack returned to the suite she was greeted with cheers, the foals draping an impromptu laurel wreath around her neck. As friends, family, and colleagues hugged and embraced her she took a series of bows. Her part of the Saga of the Gag had come to an end, and she had played it marvelously.
As the excitement died down she looked to where Rarity worked behind a screen. Cantering over she looked down to where she put finishing touches on her latest masterpiece.
"Boy howdy, Rarity! He looks perfect," said Applejack, looking Spike over, joining Gummy, the real one, and Greener Gummy in gauging the effect of the dragon's transformation.
"Well thank you, Applejack! It is most appreciated," she said, placing something in her hooves. "Spike, darling, one last bit of costuming…look at the ceiling, dear."
As Spike blinked Rarity placed the contact lenses over his eyes. In a moment he had adjusted, and looking into the mirror he saw the entirely different specie of animal that stared back at him, and he grinned a malicious grin.
In his reflection he saw Rarity and Applejack looking back with smiles, and either side of him stood the two smaller alligators, their mouths wide with surprise.
"Bro-claw," he demanded, holding up his small hands to each, still staring into the mirror, one still gripping tightly to his little surprise. The two alligators responded, and with that he walked over to where Twilight waited.
"Twi," he said quietly, knowing that she was charging up, seeing the concentration on her face. The unicorn looked up to him, and at once her expression brightened. "Spike!" she said with a smile, "You look great!"
"Heh, thanks," he said, blushing through the paint, but quickly turning back to her, some small worry in his voice, "Are…are you gonna be alright?"
"It will take a lot of concentration, and Rarity will lend me some of her strength, Sweetie Belle and the other unicorns too," she said, comforting him. Quickly she changed the subject, "Do you have it ready?"
Spike opened his hand, "Haven't let go of it since this morning," he said with a giggle.
Fluttershy approached, and as she did Twilight saw her crews stealthily evacuating the distant apartment one last time, their exit portrayed in the shifting paintings. "Okay…okay, you…are you ready, Spike?" asked Fluttershy, motioning to the dragon. "Yup!" and with a quick hug from Twilight he jumped onto the back of the pegasus. In a moment Twilight saw them both enter the rooms in her paintings, and then saw Fluttershy exit, leaving Spike alone.
Back at the trebuchet site Rainbow Dash looked on in disappointed bemusement as her friend, the distracted Pinkie Pie, attempted to help her complete the trebuchet.
In the distance something moved, and Dash thought she saw the familiar form of Fluttershy dart between buildings…apparently carrying something. She thought for a second to look to Pinkie, wondering if she had seen it as well.
Pinkie though was utterly diverted, she kept sighing, kept stopping mid-project, kept staring back down the slope towards Sugarcube Corner.
"Ummm, Pinkie, are you okay?" asked Dash, wrinkling her face at the scene that played out before her.
"Yeah, I'm okay…why?" replied Pinkie with a forced smile, her one eye twitching. At first Dash worried that it indicated that she was about to predict some impending tragedy. She calmed a bit when she realized it only foretold an impending mental breakdown.
"Well," said Dash, leaning towards where Pinkie worked, "You know, I asked you to saw the last of the runway planks in half, and put the doughnuts in the sling…"
"Yeah?" replied Pinkie, continuing to operate her saw.
"Well," sighed Dash, closing her eyes, "You put the planks in the sling, and you've spent the last ten minutes sawing the doughnuts in half…"
Pinkie startled, looked up to Dash, then back down to her workspace. There a goodly percentage of the 2,467 custard-filled treats sat, now divided vertically, their disgorged filling dripping down the sides of the trebuchet.
Pinkie looked the gristly scene over, then looked back to Dash with a self-conscious smile.
As Dash began filling the sling with the doughnuts she looked back up to Pinkie. Her friend stood and stared off towards her home, and Dash knew there was nothing else to be done. With a falling expression she went through the motions of finishing the loading of the sling, and cantered up to Pinkie.
"Go," she said.
"What?" answered Pinkie, aghast.
"Go, go check on Gummy," said Dash looking away, an unidentifiable expression driving down her face.
"Dash, I'm sorry. The trebuchet isn't…I'm…" stammered Pinkie.
"It doesn't matter. I know…he's family, go," said Dash, looking at the ground. At once though she was caught up in a massive hug.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you Dashie! I'll be back as soon as I can, I promise! Cross my heart, hope to…" began Pinkie, bouncing around.
"Just…just go," mumbled Dash, lying on the ground, her legs drawn in beside her.
Pinkie looked at her friend (as best she could through the mass of drying cupcake components), saw her staring at the ground, her plan for this day, the day of gags and jokes…this day flitting away. Yet, at once her concern flashed over her and she was off towards Sugarcube Corner.
Dash lay on the ground for long moments, the heat of the new spring radiating from above, and the cold of the earth seeping up from below. In time she raised herself and looked at the trebuchet, essentially ready for service as it was, and she sneered.
With that she cantered away, leaving it alone in the mid-day sun…her purpose and need for it essentially ceased.
Pinkie Pie had raced through the streets of Ponyville, but having reached the door she inexplicably stopped. As a few customers came and went she couldn't force herself to enter, and suddenly she wished that Applejack would return and be with her as she went within. As the town clock chimed noon she swallowed hard and pushed through the door.
Rather than immediately head upstairs she instead helped the Cake's put the lobby of Sugarcube Corners in order. She helped Mr. Cake fix the hole, though she made a point not to look up through, and then assisted as Mrs. Cake laid a carpet over the scratch marks.
She found them amazingly understanding, and though she promised her salary to the needed repairs they refused. With tears in her eyes she hugged them both, these wonderful ponies that had become as close to her as family.
With those tears adding moisture to the cupcake remains that covered her face she slowly made her way up the stairs to her apartment.
"Gummy?" she said, opening the door. "Are you here…and not a shambling monstrosity…but mostly here?"
Creeping through her own apartment she peeked around the corner into the sitting room. There stood the safe, denuded of shield and chains. It stood open, the light shining through the hole on the opposite side where it had been cut through…as she looked at it she discovered a note.
"Pinkie," it read, and she recognized Applejack's hoofwriting, "I took the cookies someplace else, as it weren't doin' no good here. I'll be 'round for the safe later. As per yer' request I left one cookie fer' Gummy…a little plain one. Had some sprinkles on it, though. Good luck with it, and remember that you can disable most attackers with a swift…"
Pinkie didn't bother to finish. Instead she crept through her sitting room on silent hooves. Darting from flowerpot to vase she spied within her bedroom. It was startlingly clean and comfortingly free of mules.
Feeling a little more confident she made her way to the bathroom, her eyes closed. Opening them she saw a figure in her bathtub. Approaching it she sized it up, then spoke, "Gummy?"
What she assumed to be the alligator, as she blinked through the cupcake remains, looked at her with large purple eyes…and didn't say "E'yup" or launch into a diatribe of amore.
She gathered him up and swung him around happily, "It's my Gummy, it's my Gummy…he's back and it feels good in my tummy!"
Something was different though, and as she set him back in the tub she looked him over as best she could. "You're, you're a bit bigger…are, are you still changing?" she asked with obvious concern.
With that he lifted his hand, and opened it. There in the clawed palm was a single tooth, shining and tiny.
"You're losing your teeth!" said Pinkie happily, "That's great! That's wonderful! Well…it's actually not good, kinda sad actually, but…well, it means you're getting back to normal…well, normal for us…"
Spike, doing his best to stay in character, tried not to laugh at the truth behind the words.
In the suite at the hotel Applejack spoke to Twilight as the dozens of participants in the mission looked into the paintings. "How'd you manage that?" she asked in a whisper.
"It fell out by itself last night…baby tooth. Could hardly of asked for better timing," she replied as Fluttershy and the foals cooed.
"Dragon's growing up," remarked Applejack as Twilight smiled. There was another knock on the door. Applejack prepared an apology, but as she opened the door it was not a hotel staff member who stood there. Instead of an apology she offered up her hooves, and a familiar form fell into them, and the two laughed and wheeled around the room.
"Fillies and gentlecolts!" announced Applejack, "I present to ya' all the over-arching mastermind of 'Operation: Have Some, Pie!', the Chief Jokeitect, the Prankmaster General, the Gagmeister Rex, none other than…"
A drum roll sounded as the assembly pounded the floor, causing plaster to fall into soup bowls in the restaurant below.
"…Miss Rainbow Dash!"
As the crowd cheered, whistled, and clapped Rainbow held her forelegs wide, basking in the adoration.
"Thank you, thank you!" she said, waving off the applause, "I can't thank you all enough…you all were fantastic! But, I really must thank my Field Commander, Twilight, and my Chief Operative, Applejack! Without their awesomeness, this would not have been possible."
As the unicorn and the earth pony accepted the congratulations Dash approached and looked deep into the paintings. Pinkie sat on her couch in her sitting room, petting "Gummy", Spike trying to avoid blushing. "I do fear for my good friend," laughed Dash, "Let's end this as soon as possible…"
Almost by magic at that moment Pinkie said, "Ya' know, Gummy, I'm glad you're getting back to normal…but I wonder if the sprinkles on the cookie meant anything…"
Twilight quickly looked to Dash and asked, "Is the word given, General?"
"The word is given!" replied Dash with a devious smile. At once all of the unicorns ignited their horns, the others feeding Twilight their magic, and the entire assembly laying their hooves on them…their love and friendship of Pinkie becoming fuel for the grand finale of the prank.
In her apartment Pinkie's eyes went wide once more, this time in no small surprise, as "Gummy" began to levitate. He reached out his clawed hands to her, and before she realized what she had done she had taken them in her hooves.
As they lifted through the skylight Spike spoke to her in a gravely voice, approximating what Gummy would sound like if he were blessed with speech.
"Pinkie Pie, my dearest friend," he said, remembering his practiced lines, watching Pinkie's face contort in shuddering alarm, "Soon I shall indeed return to normal, but before that moment, I will share with you my last bit of magic!"
As they cleared the skylight Pinkie's eyes went wide, and she smiled broadly. Around her whirled candy, balloons, cakes, and all sorts of wonderful things. It was as though one of the songs that whirled about in her head had come to life. Beautiful voices reached her, and her eyes sparkled.
"Open yourself to the goodness! Take that which is rightfully yours!" called Spike, trying to remain in the character of Gummy as he started to chuckle. As they landed on the roof amid the swirling mirage Pinkie closed her eyes, awaiting the arrival of the cornucopia of her fantasies.
If her eyes had been opened she would have seen Spike diving for cover, and Rainbow Dash loop through the sky. Blues, though, had his eyes wide open, and he saw the signal. With a yank of a lanyard he had his quiet smirking revenge for the earlier accidental comments, and the trebuchet whirled to life.
At once 2,467 custard doughnuts, some divided vertically, flew through the air, and found their target atop the distant roof of Sugarcube Corner.
As the multitude of the operatives of "Operation: Have Some, Pie!" gathered below Rainbow Dash landed on the roof, a broad smile crossing her face. She found the largest lump of doughnuts, and looking over the catastrophe she pulled Pinkie from the amalgamation.
"What, what…how," began the custard-covered lump. At that though Dash wiped the custard and crumbs from Pinkie's eyes. Leaning in Dash allowed herself to gather her own share of the custard as she embraced Pinkie in a big hug.
With a flap of her wings she lifted Pinkie from the mess, hovering above the roof of the bakery. "I got you Pinkie," she whispered, tickling Pinkie's ear with her breath, the celebratory words spoken crisply, quietly, and in a hint of a chuckle.
"I got you, I got you, I got you…" she continued, laughing a bit, rubbing her forelock to Pinkie's. In a shot of insight Pinkie suddenly saw the growing multitude below, including an adult alligator, paint now flaking off of it, and a mule that looked to her with a big smirk. All of her friends, some holding aloft a familiar pair of bolt cutters and an acetylene torch, waved and whistled from below.
"Huh! You, you!" she said, looking into Dash's eyes. At once though she smiled, smiled a vast broad smile, and falling back into the hug admitted, "You got me, you got me, Dashie. Well done!"
And so Pinkie Pie began to cry, not tears of upset, or tears of shame, but big wet happy tears that washed the cupcake and custard away, her sparkling eyes opening to once more look over the crowd below.
As Dash lowered her back to the roof Fluttershy joined them, offering something small and reptilian into Pinkie's waiting forelegs. She cuddled Gummy, her Gummy, the real Gummy, to her body. The alligator, perhaps sensing the importance of the moment, decided to forego snapping at her and biting her all over, as was their custom, and simply let the custardy goodness of her embrace drip all over himself.
As she looked over the crowd they began to sing her song, the verses jumping to life. "A day of laughs, a day of jokes…a day for pranking lots of folks…"
As she listened rubber chickens materialized all around in puffs of magic, and soon the operatives were tossing about the faux fowl as the song entered verses she had not yet had the time to write. As she laughed along Pinkie Pie, standing on the roof, displayed the greatest attribute of a champion of any calling…she applauded their efforts. She had received as well as she could give, and Pinkie was very, very, very good at gracing others with her pranks.
There would be a rebuttal, and when it occurred it would be epic in scale. Yet, in that moment Pinkie Pie stood on the roof, alligator in forelegs, and basked in the affection of her friends, displayed as it was in this unique way.
So it was that the magic of the accursed cookies caused a small pink earth pony to see how wonderfully loved she was, something she witnessed through sparkling cupcake and custard smeared eyes. As Procer Celestia Invictus and Procer Luna Revenio sat on their dias in Canterlot reading Twilight's narrative of the events, laughing hysterically, they understood that this is the type of thing that was possible when friendship is magic, and as long as they guided the sun and moon through Equestria's sky.
End.
