Spike and Fancy Pants Fight Over Rarity
Spike had never been so happy before in his life. He was finally going to score with Rarity ever since he learned one of her deepest secrets. Spike never loved diamonds so much with the knowledge of how they were made. Rarity's shit was diamonds and it was beautiful.
He could barely focus on his work.
"Spike", growled Twilight.
"Yes, Twilight", said Spike nervously.
"Do you expect me to do shit around the house myself? Get cleaning."
"Rarity kissed me.. it is the best day of my life."
"You told me like a thousand times and I don't care. This house isn't going to clean itself, go clean. That's why I brought you here to Ponyville, remember."
Sigh. Twilight was right. That was Spike's primary reason for joining Twilight. He was meant to be Twilight's bitch and that was it.. perhaps, the wonderful Rarity would save him from his misery.
Spike quietly cleaned and tried to keep the excitement from getting to him. Owlicious flew around saying, "Hoo hoo." Spike got the message that taking the "Hoo" literally was never funny, so he shut up and kept on cleaning.
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Fancy Pants was in love with Rarity. Ever since Rarity visited Canterlot and was a total bitch to her friends, Fancy Pants couldn't stop thinking about her. Fleur de Lis wasn't happy with this... she asked Fancy Pants, "Why are you in love with a Ponyville hick? She's a Ponyville hick for crying out loud."
"My dear Fleur, you do not understand how men think."
"I get it. She has big titties and a nice ass.. ugh.. you men are all the same."
"Remember why you're still here."
"Yes.. Fancy Pants. I'll clean the house for you."
Sigh Fancy Pants was right. That was Fleur de Lis' primary reason for hanging out with Fancy Pants. She was meant to be Fancy's bitch and that was it.. perhaps, the wonderful Discord would save her from her misery.
"I shall go to Ponyville, my dear!"
"I bet Rarity already has a boyfriend."
"Don't be petty, Fleur. Just keep on cleaning and you'll be useful."
Fleur sighed. She felt like what Twilight's dragon slave probably felt like.
Little did Fleur or Fancy know that Twilight's dragon slave would prove to be tough competition for Fancy Pants.
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All the human cloppers were clopping to Rarity and Lyra invited them to Equestria, since they are human after all... all the cloppers ran around and began flirting with all the ponies. Most of the ponies were freaked out, including Rarity. However, Lyra was willing to give her body up to the human cloppers. They were all pleased. Bon-Bon wasn't though and she took out a gun and killed a couple human cloppers and the rest ran away. Ever since then, no human dared to enter Equestria.
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Rainbow Dash watched as Bon-Bon killed some human cloppers. She was a little disappointed since she knew that the cloppers loved her and her five friends the best. Rainbow Dash was looking forward to picking up some human shit for her collection. She was sure that the fat guy wearing the far-too-small Rainbow Dash t-shirt would have given his shit to her.
However, many of the ponies were so nervous that they took shits on the ground. Rainbow may have not obtained human shit, but she did obtain other pony shit.. she smiled as she scooped it all up in her bag. It was the second best day ever.. except when Spike got Rarity's shit for her. Rainbow wondered if Sparity would ever become a thing.
Pinkie Pie bounced up and down and said something about how the author of the story likes Sparity.
Rainbow was confused and asked, "What are you talking about?"
Pinkie Pie responded, "The author, Duke of Canterlot, wants Spike and Rarity to live happily ever after.. so it will happen."
"You say the weirdest things some times."
"Oh come on, Dashie. You should visit the fourth wall sometime."
"I would rather not."
"Ooh, are you scooping up dog poop?"
"Yea.. dog poop.. heh heh..."
Rainbow figured that she should do something nice for Spike, but what?
Probably go beat the shit out of Twilight for being such a cranky bitch to him...
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Twilight was busy ordering Spike around.
"Spike! I need you to clean the toilet now!"
Spike was tempted to say that he wished Twilight's shit was as pleasant as Rarity's shit.. but that would give away the secret.
"Ugh.. but it smells like shit, Twilight."
"Yes, and that's why you have to do it."
"Can't you use your magic to clean the toilet? I'm sure you have a spell somewhere."
"I do, but I can't waste my magic on such things when there's a tiny dragon with a tiny dick who will do it for me."
Spike growled at the insult to his manhood.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.
"Come in", shouted Spike.
It was Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash said, "Hey, Twi. It's not cool to push Spike around like you do."
"He is supposed to be my slav... I mean assistant."
"I'm gonna beat the shit out of you."
Rainbow flew into the air and swooped down at Twilight. Twilight used her all powerful alicorn magic to create a force field which Rainbow wasn't able to penetrate. However, the pegasus managed to land on her hooves without any trouble.
Twilight took a shit and gave it to Rainbow and said, "Don't fight me. Don't defend Spike. I have some lovely shit here for you to masturbate to.."
"Wait, what? How do you know about.."
"Your poop fetish", said Twilight, "oh please, everypony knows that poop turns you on, Rainbow."
Rainbow turned red. Twilight laughed. Spike felt embarrassed, but was amazed at what he saw next.
While Twilight was laughing, Rainbow flew up and sonic rainboomed all over Twilight. Twilight was killed instantly, despite being an alicorn since Rainbow's sonic rainboom can kill alicorns now... and also Twilight shat before she died. Rainbow picked up more of the poop and said to Spike, "You're free now."
"Who's gonna pay for the rent..", asked Spike, but then he realized that this was his chance to live with Rarity.
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Spike ran over to Carousel Boutique and saw a rich, fancy unicorn who had a monocle.
"Hello there, boy", said the unicorn, "why do you run so fast?"
"Meeting an old friend", said Spike.
"Oh ho", cheered the unicorn, "that is most splendid. Me too."
Spike continued his run to Carousel Boutique and grew anxious when he noticed that the rich unicorn was following him.
"Heh heh", chuckled Spike nervously, "are you stalking me?"
"Stalking you? Heavens no! I am stalking somepony, but not you. I am meeting the most beautiful mare in all of Equestria. She shines like diamonds."
"Shines? Diamonds? Most beautiful mare? Me too."
"Lady Rarity?"
"Yes, her."
"What do you think, little dragon? Do I have a shot with her?"
"Nope."
"Oh dear.. why is that?"
"I'm her boyfriend."
The rich unicorn laughed and said, "Really.. ho ho, my dick must be at least six times longer than yours."
Spike did not like his manhood being insulted. Sure his dick wasn't large now, but a grown-up dragon's dick is much larger than that of a stallion. Spike would someday outdick this snobby asshole.
Spike growled at the rich unicorn and began to breathe fire.
"Ho ho, how adorable.. look at what I can do. I am Fancy Pants and you're about to see what this fancy pants can do."
Fancy Pants took off his pants and took a shit on the ground. The shit was something very familiar... diamonds.
This made Spike feel sad.. wait.. this pony could shit diamonds too. Did that mean Fancy Pants and Rarity were meant for each other?
"Can you beat that, little dick dragon?"
"Nope", responded Spike with a sigh, "I can't."
"Very well. Does this mean I win?"
"Fuck no. Rarity probably thinks you're a loser creep anyway."
"But I have tons of money, c'mon little dick. You should know that."
"Wait, you're talking to your own penis, that's weird."
"Ugh.. walked right into that one, didn't I?"
Spike and Fancy Pants rushed to Carousel Boutique, growling at each other the whole time. Neither man wanted to give up Rarity.
They both knocked on the door.
________________________________________
Enter Rarity.
Spike and Fancy Pants both got instant erections from the sight of Rarity.
"Spikey-Wikey and Fancy Pantie, it's so great to see you both!"
"I am here to profess my love to you", said Fancy Pants with a devious smile, "you shouldn't be surprised."
"I'm not", said Rarity, "I embarrassed you with my hick friends and you still defended me.. only one kind of pony would do that."
"I would have done that too", said Spike.
"It's so cute", giggled Rarity, "you two have so much in common."
Spike and Fancy looked at each other and growled at one another.
They began to fight each other by scratching one another with their arms. Spike has claws, so he scratched up Fancy badly.
"Oh dear", moaned Fancy, "I guess you win, little dragon dick."
"Stop saying that about me", groaned Spike quietly.
"Oh, you don't want the lady to hear about your baby dick."
"Shut up."
"Stop fighting", pleaded Rarity, "please, I love you both. Can't I have both of you?"
Spike was conflicted on how to respond. He didn't want to share Rarity with Fancy Pants. However, Spike would still be Rarity's lover..it would just be that there would be a second lover. Rarity and Fancy Pants both shat diamonds, so maybe their destinies were meant to collide somehow. Also, Rarity did desire Spike. Perhaps, Fancy Pants should be allowed to share Rarity.
"Alright, you can have us both", said Spike.
Fancy Pants laughed and said, "Of course, I didn't know that was an option!"
"Let's have a threesome", said Rarity with glee.
"Okay", responded Fancy Pants, "how do we make this work?"
"Hmmm", thought Rarity, "indeed..."
"I like to fuck ponies in the butt", blurted Fancy Pants.
"Perfect, I'll go lie down", said Rarity.
Spike got on one side and Fancy Pants got on the other side.
Spike got to fuck Rarity's pussy and Fancy got to fuck Rarity's butt.
Spike enjoyed the symbolism of all of this. He would be the one who would someday provide Rarity with dragon/pony hybrid children.. dragonicorns? dragonies? poragons? uniragons? It didn't matter what they would be called.. they would be the luckiest children in all of Equestria. Fancy Pants was simply Rarity's butt buddy.
Rarity moaned loudly as Spike fucked her. Spike may of had a small penis, but it knew all the right places to pleasure his goddess. The three of them all moaned with joy due to the utter and unbelievable sexual ecstasy.
Unfortunately, there was a knock at the door.
"Spike, I'm not dead. Go clean the toilet now."
Twilight Sparkle? Shit...
"Fuck off", growled Spike, "I'm living with Rarity now."
"No, Spike. You're mine. You're supposed to be my sla... assistant. The toilet is filled with shit and I don't want Rainbow Dash cleaning it since well.. you know.."
"You know Rainbow Dash would love to clean the toilet for you", said Rarity.
"The trainer of the Wonderbolts", asked Fancy Pants.
"Oh that..", said Rarity nervously, "ummm.. you see, that day I lied because I wanted to be popular."
"Oh, that's alright, you could have said that you shat diamonds and I would still be in love with you", said Fancy.
Wow, Spike thought, he and Fancy Pants did have much in common.
"We should let that lovely lady in, you know a foursome", said Fancy Pants.
"No", said Spike nervously, "Twilight is going to make me do her chores."
"Oh, poor Spikey Wikey", cooed Rarity, "you're safe with me."
"Spike, I think I know how you can get out of this predicament", said Fancy Pants with a grin.
Spike didn't know what Fancy had planned, but he figured he would give the guy a chance.
"Oh, Ms. Twilight Sparkle? You may come in", said Fancy Pants.
The door opened. Twilight walked in and said, "Spike, you're going to do all my chores for me now!!"
"I think I have a better idea", said Fancy Pants calmly.
"What? Are you going to clean the library and cater to my every whim?"
"No, Ms. Twilight Sparkle. I don't think so. However, I know some pony in Canterlot that would be happy to help."
Fancy Pants took out his cell phone and called Fleur.
"Hello, Ms. Fleur de Lis?"
"Well, Princess Twilight Sparkle needs a new assistant...."
"Oh ho. The little dragon got fed up with doing all the dirty work."
"Good. I knew you were shallow enough to surrender your life to a princess. Okay, meet Twilight at her library and she'll put you to work."
"Cheerio."
Fancy Pants smiled and said, "Problem solved, now, Ms. Twilight, if you don't mind, would you please leave? Spike, Rarity, and I have a lot of fun planned."
"Okay, but your bitch better be here soon."
"Don't worry she will. You're a princess after all. She's gaga over that stuff."
"I'm sure she'll be a better assistant than that tiny dick dragon.."
"Spikey does not have a tiny dick", snarled Rarity, "I would appreciate it if you didn't say that about him."
Spike was grateful for Rarity standing up for him.
"I'm leaving now. I hope you enjoy your freedom, not-tiny dick dragon."
Spike, Rarity, and Fancy Pants all laughed hysterically at what just occurred.
This was the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
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Twilight returned home and saw that her toilet was already clean. Hmmm, thought Twilight, I wonder what pony took care of that... Fleur hadn't even arrived yet. Twilight shuddered when she realized the pony who cleaned the toilet...
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Rainbow Dash giggled with glee. There was a giant pile of stewing poop to add to her collection. It turned out when Twilight wanted Spike to clean the toilet that she took an enormous dump. Rainbow now had more of Twilight's poop than even that of Applejack. This was certainly a good day indeed. Rainbow hoped that Spike was able to stand up for himself against the not-so-dead Twilight. Rainbow would have to ask about that tomorrow.. oh well, there's all of this shit which would fill Rainbow's dreams with happiness tonight.
Author's Note
I hope you all liked this shitty story.
