Deadpool in Equestriaby MrAquinoChaptersMy Anaconda. Pony #2: Fluttershy You was right. Pony #3: Twilight SparkleAppuls. Pony #5: ApplejackNewton cries a lot. Pony #6: Pinkamena Diane Pie (or Pinkie Pie)Expositions. Pony #7: RarityDJ Hero Pony # 8: Vinyle Scratch/ DJ Pon-3Wonderful Day, eh? Pony #9: Princess Luna.Where are the other 2 at? Pony # 10, and 11: Doctor Whooves and Derpy HoovesNot so annoying here. Dragon #1: SpikeSatan appears. Only Draconequus: Discord.Ptthpptthpptthpptthp. Pony #12: Fluffle Puff.The Reason this story now has 'Gore' in it. Only Centaur: Tirek.Must... not... mention... BANANAS!!! Pony # 13: Princess CelestiaBella Notte. Pony # 14 and 15: Princess Cadence and Shining Armor.Surprisingly, not really racist. Pony #16: King SombraGoat + Shark +Pony= Pony(???) #17: TydalThe classiest of duels. Pony #18: Octavia Melody Only Necromorph (Hopefully): Marksaline Better than the horrible reimagining. Pony # 26-28 Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle.What's Next? A 'Five Nights at Freddy's' parody? Pony #29: SlenderMane/Pony/ColtLuna Fanbase. Pony # 30 and 31: Nightmare Moon and Woona. Home sweet... home? Ponies #32- 38: The Power Ponies: The Masked Matter-Horn, Fili-Second, Zapp, Radiance, Mistress Mare-velous, Saddle Rager, and Hum Drum.*Insert an original evil team name here* Pony # 39-45: Pharaoh Phetlock, Long-Face, Smudge, High Heel, Shadowmane, and Mane-iac!!! NOTICE ME EQUESTRIA DAILY!!! Pony #46 and 47: The Great & Powerful Trixie and Sethisto It's clobberin' time!!! Pony #48: Maud Pie. The Ship has Sailed!!! Pony #49: Screwball.WTF!?!?!? Wtf creature#1: Kul'asBronies have now joined. Pony #50: ILoveKimPossibleALotNO SCHOOL!!! Pony #51: Sunset ShimmerThe Taco Squad. The Dazzlings: Sonata Dusk, Adagio Dazzle, and Aria Blaze GET REKT!!! Pony # 52 & 53: Button Mash and his mom, ElianaTough Love. Pony # 54 & 55: Mandopony and Sibsy/WildfireLucky Brony B***ard!!! Pony # 56 & 57: BlackGryph0n & Michele CreberAin't I a stinker?. Pony #58: SolracFangrils be like... Pony #59: Nowacking. "My Name is-". Pony #60: Jeff (the killer [Ponified])Better than the human Comedian. Pony #61: Golden Harvest/Carrot TopTecnhologic. Pony # 62 & 63: The Living Tombstone and Wooden Toaster/ Glaze...I'M SO FABULOUS!!! Pony #64 and 65: Pewdiepie and Marzia... and his pugs. More straightforward than the Terminator movies. Pony #66: LittlepipThe Wonderbolts!!! Pony # 67 & 68: Spitfire and Soarin.Hello everybody, my name is *Jeff!* Pony # 69: Markiplier. SHUT UP!!! Pony # 70 & 71: Ian & Anthony (From Smosh).I'm great with kids!!! Pony 72 - 75: The Cakes(Mr. & Mrs. Cake, Pound Cake and Pumpkin cake)The 50th Chapter!Battle of Ages: Robot #2: Sweetie Bot.Not Dead!!!TREZUH!!! Pony #84: Daring Do/ A.K. Yearling Pimp ma Crib! Pony # 85: Filthy Rich.Read my blogs! Pony # 86: Starlight Glimmer.Our first Cyborg. Pony # 88: Blackjack3rd Wheel. Pony # 89, 90, and 91: Cheese Sandwich, Weird Al Yankovik, and AnimatedJamesI guess humans are now available. Human #2: Gilgamesh (From "The Mighty Warrior of Epicness")YO MAMA!!! Pony #92: Brody (From Yo Mama!)I'm in love with the- Pony #93 & 94: Coco Pomell and Suri PolomareMade by him. Pony # 99: My Brother (Quinton)Bring out the Napkins. Diamond Dog (???) (Possible) #1: Dr. WolfI'm in charge of this chapter now! Pony #100: MrAquino/Kane Aquino/ Strongheart the Alicorn!Attack on Deadpool Seabreeze and the Breezies. Brreezy #1-IDGAFA break from craziness: Pony #101 & 102: Lotus and Aloe Blossom Discord's What!? Pony #103: Muse of DiscordAfter the Fact: Only Hippogriff, SilverquillNot-so-epic rapping: (Probably only Zebra) Zecora. Let's rock this joint! Welcome to Jack@$$!!! Donkeys 1&2: Cranky and Matilda Little b***h!TWENAI JUAN!!! Pony #107 & 108: Ms. Cheerilee and Big MacintoshThis is how you rap! Pony #109 & 110: Snips and SnailI hate Doctors. Ponies #111- 116: Redheart, sweetheart, Dr. Stable, that kid & that other nurse, and Screwy.AN OFFICIAL CROSSOVER!!!Call of Doodyfield 21: Propaganda day I'M WALKIN' HERE!!! Pony #117: Babs SeedWhite gurls be like: Pony #118- 121: Moon Dancer, Minuette, Twinkle Shine, and Lemon Hearts Bouncy! Pony #122: Trouble shoesA nightmare on Pone Street. 4000 VIEWS!!!Birthday!!!Beware the Fox.When your squad is on point.Pitch Perfect: Ponies # 123, 124, and 125: Toe Tapper, Torch Song, and ZipporwhillHow long has it been?Fanciness. Ponies # 126- 130 Photo Finish, Sapphire Shores, Hoity Toity, Fashion Plate, and Sassy SaddlesHalloween Special Part 1Halloween Special Part 2Halloween Special Part 3The Real B***h! Pony #132Let's rock. Ponies 133-136: Limestone, Marble, Igneous Rock, and Cloudy Quarts PieAnother 1st person ChapterHoliday Special #1: How Deadpool stole Hearts WarmingHoliday special #2: A Deadpool tale.Holiday Special #3: The true face of evilHello, Pulp Fiction: Pony #137 & 138: Svengallop and Coloratura/RaraStarting the year right: Dragons #2-???: Garble and the other dragons. Where's the second season!? Pony #139: Lilly Longsocks/ PowerhouseParenting done right. Pony #140: Princess Flurry Heart. (Are you sure that's her name?)APPALOOSA!!! All the buffalo and Ponies # 141 & 142: Granny Smith and BraeburnFernando, Tom, Boulder, Bloomberg and Boneless... what am I even doing?Unicorns are horny. Ponies # 143 & 144: Fancy Pants and Fleur De LisWerstling's fake!!! Prob. Only Minotaur: Iron WillAnyone seen Zootopia yet?Some G1-ness. Ponies #145-150: Surprise, Firefly, Posey, Sparkler, Twilight Velvet, and... Applejack?BWAAM!!! Pony #151: SunburstBrothers from Another Mother: Rumble and ThunderlingGod of War. The ChimeraMARTHA!!!Through the fire and flames: Dragon 3 and 4 (Who counted those other ones?) Torch and Ember Forgot about her: Pony #154: Sweetie Drops/Bon BonSnootieness: Ponies 155 & 156: Jet Set and Upper CrustDAMN!!! Ponies # 157. That BIG mare!DRAMA!!! Ponies #158-160: Daisy, Lily, and RoseWasted with Pony #161: Berry Punch.Dancing with Pony # 162: Tender TapsSisters? Ponies 163 & 164: Flitter and CloudchaserI need help, ASAP. Ponies # 165 & 166: Mr. and Plaid StripesDa huuuuuudge... Smooze.Risk Taker. Ponies # 167, 168, and 169: Fluttershy's parents and Zephyr Breeze BovinophobiaJoin my team.FINALLY!!! Ponies 173 and 174: Dinky Doo and Amethyst Star NNNEEERRRDDD!!! Pony # 175: Quibble PantsMy Baby!!! Changeling #2: ThoraxKindness. Griffons #2 & 3: Gabby and Grandpa GruffLaughter: DND SpecialTales of the Macabre Season Finale SpoilersThe Shipping is Real. 176 and 177: Vapor Trail and Sky StingerA winter specialMinecraft YouTubers. Pony 178: Petunia Paleo and the Diamond DogsSuper Buck Ball Bowl!!!... Part 1Round 2. A Valentines Day special.A true Pony #179: TwistHigh School drama. The EQG worldA major Hangover: Ponies # 180-184: Gladmane, Trapeze Star, That director, and Seigfreid & RoySometime in Ponyville.Modern Art. Pony #185: Arrowhead.A certain specialLate Mothers Day. Pony # 186 & 187: Windy Whistles and Bo-Hot Hoof.Sisterly rivals. Pony #188: Day BreakerAnother Waifu thief. Pony # 189-195: Feather Bangs, his mates, and those 3 mares.(づ ◉ ͜ʖ ◉ )づ Pony # 196, 197, 198, and 199: Lily Lace, Star Streak, Inky Rose, and Strawberry Sunrise 💯👌😂🔫 Pony #200: YOU!!!Mah Cuzin. Ponies 201 & 202: Ma Hooffiield and Big Daddy McColtA break from the madness. Pony #203-206: Grand Pear, Burnt Oak, Bright Macintosh, And Pear Butter/Buttercup.Another conspiracy. Ponies 207-210: Dr. Fauna, Wrangler, Hard Hat, Dandy Grandeur ... and that giraffeWhen Emojis attack.For the Critics. Ponies 211 and 212: Toola Roola and Coconut cream.Mandela effect. Ponies 213-217 :Rock Hoof, Mistmane, Sable Spirit, Flash Magnus, Iron Head.Brotha from anotha mutha: Another Changeling: PharynxMore history altering. Pony #218: Sonabula, and the SphinxA new Camp Councilor 219, 220, and 221: Thunderlane, Rumble, and Kettle Corn.Another Halloween/Nightmare Night Special.The Pillars of Harmony: 222-225. Cattail, Mage Meadowbrook, Stygian, and STARSWIRL THE BEARDED!!!Movie Spoilers. Ponies 226 & 227, (Hippogriffs/Seaponies) (2 & 3/ 1&2), (Possible) Griffin #4 , and a Kitty! Tempest Shadow, Songbird Serenade, Queen Novo, Princess Skystar, Captain Celaeno, And Capper... whatever Gruber and the Storm King areA late Christmas special: Pony 228: Star TrackerTF2 Analysis Anarchy replacement. Dragon #5, Ponies #228-236, and... a Frieza?. Teric Dragon, Mad Munchkin, Thespio, Eliyora, AnY, Lightning Bliss, Sweetie Bloom, Keyframe, Voice of Reason, Goldenfox, Mary Sue and... Sub-Zero.How to get remembered. Another EQG character: That one girlThe New X-Force. Dragon #6, Hippogriff/Seapony #4/3, Griffin #5, Changeling # 4, Another Yak, and Ponies #229 and 230: Smolder, Silversteam,Gallus, Ocellus, Yona, Sandbar, and Neigh Say.Catching up.Headcannons galore! Pony #232-236: Jackpot, Big Bucks, Apple Rose, Applesauce, and Goldie Delicious.Don't you forget about me. Hippogriff/Seapony # 5, 6, 7/ 4, 5, 6: Terramarr, Ocean Flow, and Sky BeakAttractive parents. #237 and 238: Stellar Flare and FirelightA changing special.Spooky Scary Skeletons. Ponies 240 & 241, Dragon #6, and The kirin: Rolling Thunder, Short Fuse, Sludge, Autumn Blaze, and RainshineFather-Son Bonding. Pony #242-244 and Reindeer #1-3: Butternut, Oaknut, Pistachio, Aurora, Bori, Alice➡ ➡➡OMG!!! Fortnite is in this!?!?!?⬅⬅⬅Oh god, they're furries! Only real Tree: The Tree of HarmonyLove ya, Patton Oswalt! Ponies: 247 and 248: Clear Sky and Wind SprintCRIKEY!!! Ponies #249-252: Aunt Holiday & Lofty, Mane Allgood, and Snap ShutterYou made joke jokes about him in Smash Bros, and now it's true. Pony #262: SansThis is how you cheer. Ponies 263 & 264: Lighthoof and Shimmy ShakeAnime jokes. Ponies 265 & 266: Spur & Biscuit20 years later. Pony #267: Luster Dawn.The Deadpool is deadThe EndArrival. Pony #1: Lyra Heartstrings. YOU KILLED HIM!!! Pony #4: Rainbow DashESCAPE!!! Changelings #1- 1/0 (in other words, F**K IT!!!): Queen Chrysaliss and her ugly babiesANOTHER HUMAN!?!?!? Dan (from Dan Vs.) D********s Ponies # 19- 25 and Griffon #1: Nyx, Prince Blue Blood, Silver Spoon, Diamond Tiara, The Flim Flam Brothers, Gilda the Griffon, and He who must not be named.A celebrtiy we all hate. Pony # 87: Justin Beiber.The Deadpool Empire!?!?!? Ponies # 95-98: Double Diamond, Party Favor, Sugar Belle, and Night Glider.300 LIKES!?!?!? Robots # 3-8 and Pony #104 & 105: The FNAF Robots and Pipsqueak with HoofbeardSmoke weed Everyday. Pony #106: Tree Hugger6000 views!!!Not as Gay as Twilight: Steven MagnetTunak Tunak Tun Pony # 170-172: Zesty Gourmand, Coriander Cumin, and Saffron MasalaA Thanksgiving Special🅱oneless. EQG: Juniper Montage.Big Bang PTSD memories. Pony #231: MudbriarNew X-Force Members and students. Ponies #245 and 246: Dusty Pages and First FolioSo Happy Together. Ponies #253-261: Petunia Petals, Sunny Skies, Torque Wrench, Pickle & Barley Barrel, Kerfuffle, Mr & Mrs. Hoofington, and Moody Root.My Anaconda. Pony #2: Fluttershy Author's Note Can Fluttershy tame Deadpool's Anaconda? Who will Deadpool meet next? Is Nicki Minaj just a failed attempt to cross over Mrs. Potato Head, Barbie, and a Blow up Doll? Stay tuned!!! My Anaconda. Pony #2: Fluttershy "Now to send this over to my friends." Deadpool said, saying what he was texting "Am... now... in... Equestria... so... all... of... you... can... kiss... my... a$$... SEND!!!" A ding came from his cell phone and he looked at it "Oh, why am I not surprised?" "What?" Lyra asked, trying to look at his strange device that could take pictures AND send to his friends "Spider-Man doesn't believe it! He says 'whoa Deadpool! Nice Photoshop effects! I'm still going to chase you even after you disappeared on me'." "You were chased before I summoned you!?" "Let the audience at home figure that one out. I'm not going to say s**t on what I was doing before you summoned me here." "...WHAT!?!?!? "Is Ponyville around here?" "...um... yes." "AWESOME!!! We've got to get over there!!! I plan to take a Selfie with Everypony here and all across Equestria!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!" "...okay. But I think you're going to need a disguise; I don't think any pony will take comfort of a human running around." "Oh B***h please!!! I already have a disguise." "REALLY!?!?!?" "I just need one more thing." "What is it!?!?!?" Deadpool leaned over to Lyra, staring into her eyes. Without any warning, Deadpool's hands grabbed Lyra's mane and tore it out with a large 'RIP'!!! "AAAUUUGGGHHH!!! MY MANE!!!" Deadpool put the ripped mane over his eyes and he ran away!!! "NAILED IT!!!" "GET BACK HERE!!!" She got up and tried to chase after him, but he teleported away instantly! Lyra stopped dead in her tracks awkwardly staring with her left eye twitching. "humans... can teleport... as well?" Deadpool kept running blindly, not giving a single f**k if anyone saw him in his 'effective' disguise. "YES!!!" Deadpool yelled like a madman. "IT IS THE RETURN OF YOUR KING!!! I AM YOUR GOD NOW, BRING ME YOUR VIRGINS!!!" Unbeknownst to him, he was actually in the backyard of a particular shy pony's home. A yellow pegasus with long & pink mane looked our of her window, only to see a weird, red creature running around in circles on two legs with mint colored tufts of fur over its eyes. "Oh dear!" She said to herself "What is that creature? Maybe Twilight can help?" I don't think that'll be a good idea. She may find it very dangerous. "Oh nonsense, I think it's friendly." She looked outside the window again. Deadpool sprinted towards the window, still blinded by the tufts of Lyra's mane over his eyes. The pegasus ran away, jumping behind a wall into a hallway!!! Deadpool jumped through the window, did three rolls on the floor, jumped right onto his feet, lost balance, and fell onto his back, landing on the broken glass. "WHOO!!!" He yelled "Breaking and Entering!!! 10000 points!!! GTA 6 MOTHA F***AS!!!" The pegasus looked over the corner to see Deadpool on his back, bleeding a bit. She quietly walked over to him, frightened at what he did, but still curious to see what it truly was. "Um... hello?" She asked "WHO'S THERE!?!?!? The Po-Po!?!?!? Please!!! I can't do another nickel!!! My sexiness mustn't be shown to criminals who wait for the soap to be dropped!!!" "...Po-Po? Um... are you alright?" "Of course I'm alright! What choo saying' Willis?" "Willis? Oh no, I'm Fluttershy." "...Fluttershy?" "Yes. Can I help you?" He took off the tufts of Lyra's mane off his 'eyes' and saw that it was, for real, Fluttershy!!! He sat up a bit, but crawled backwards into the wall. "DON'T HURT ME!!! I WASN'T IN YOUR SHED!!!" "My... shed?" "Where you Murder your victims!!!" "Murder? What's murder? And what victims?" "... Dammit Wade! This must be the CANON Stuff with some fan stuff involved." "Canon stuff? Fan stuff?" Deadpool looked back at Fluttershy: her innocent eyes stared right into his soul, and his heart melted like a bean burrito in a microwave. He gut up on his feet and wiped off the broken glass. "Hey, can you, uh, take the glass out of my back?" "I thought you said you were fine?" "I am! I... just need you to take the pieces out." Fluttershy opened her wings and flapped behind the mercenary's back. A couple of large pieces stood out like sore thumbs. "Are you sure about this? I can take you to the hospital and they can-" "F**K OBAMA CARE!!! RIP 'EM OUT!!!" "Okay!!! Okay, calm down! I didn't get your name yet." She started to take out the glass pieces "My *ow* name is *ouch!* a sec- *YEOUCH!*ret. But you *Oh god!* Can call *Holy S**T!!!* me *MOTHA F***A!!!* Dead-*HNNG* POOL!!!" Flutters spat out the last of the glass pieces. She stared at his back as it quickly healed in less than a few seconds. "How did that happen?" "What? How I saved 15% or more by switching to GEICO?" "No! How did you heal so quickly!?" "Oh! That! Well... long story short, I'm experimented on by a Canadian Hokey team to become the ultimate American Weapon... made in China." "I've never seen something like you before." "Yeah, I know! I just got here by Overhyped Fan girl #6969696969696969 who really wanted to meet me for my huge, black, juicy... personality." "...you remind me a lot about one of my friends." "They all say that." "Really?" "Yeah. B****es love Deadpool. After all, ♫My Anaconda don't! My Anaconda don't! My Anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun!!!♫" "You have a pet Anaconda!?!?!? WHERE!?!?!?" "... C'mon Deadpool, Remember: these are ponies; they have more self respect than those girls who twerk for attention on Vine. "Vine?" "Say! Want to take a picture to remember this!?!?" "That... would be lovely. I'll get the camera." "No need to! I have one!" "Really!? Where?" Deadpool took out his cell phone with his right arm, lifted it in the air, and put his left around Flutterhy's head. "Smile!!! Hashtag Selfie!!!" Fluttershy did a cute smile as the picture was taken. Deadpool got up and sent it to his 'friends' online. He looked up and noticed his mess. "Say... do you want me to clean this mess up? I can help pay the damage." "The clean up would be nice. I'll pay for a new window. It was barely working anyways." You was right. Pony #3: Twilight SparkleAuthor's Note It's a nerd vs a genius!!! Who is Deadpool's 'best Pony'? And who will he meet next? Stay Tuned!!! You was right. Pony #3: Twilight Sparkle Deadpool ran into Fluttershy's closet, finding a broom and dust pan to collect all the broken glass. Whoah!!! Hold it there, What the hell are you doing? "Who's there!?!?!?" Deadpool asked "Are you a ghost!?" You really have forgotten us, have you? "Hold up. Are you both-" We Are!!! We Are!!! "Whoah! Where the f**k have you both been?" I tried to come and help you, but SOMEONE had to use the toilet. What!? You have to admit, those Tacos were AWESOME!!! "You had Tacos!?" "Yeah! "YOU B*****D!!!" "Is there something wrong?" Fluttershy asked "Uh... no. Just...finding the broom." "Oh. Well, it's in the closet right behind some other supplies. It shouldn't bee too hard." "Thanks." Ooh! Who was that? Tell me; Does she has huge knockers!?!?!? "NO!!! It's Fluttershy." Fluttershy? As in One of the Mane 6 From My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic? "That's her!" ...WHAT THE F**K HAPPENED!?!?!? ...WHAT THE F**K HAPPENED!?!?!? "Easy guys, remember Lyra Heartstrings from the show?" I think I remember. Her voice always changed, right? That's Bon Bon you idiot. Lyra is the unicorn that the Brony Fanbase made jokes of that she wanted to be a human really bad, or at least, have hands. Oh! Her!!! What about her? "I was summoned by her. Next thing I noticed, I took a selfie with her, ran away before I became her sex slave, hid here where I met Fluttershy, and took a selfie with her. Now, I'm helping clean her house." Yeah right, we may be voices you made in your dome to help you cooperate with the fact that you're losing sanity and need someone to talk to, but even I can tell that your tale, for the most part, is B.S.!!! "Damit." Deadpool heard a knocking at the door. The clopping sounds of FLuttershy's hooves hit the floor as she walked to answer it. He grabbed the broom and dust pan, but also a bucket, a sombrero, and a black maker. He quickly doodled an awful looking face of a pony with a huge bandit mustache on the bucket, put the bucket on his head, followed by the sombrero. He ran out of the closet, falling over from the lack of sight, causing him to land on a bit of the glass, but he got up & began to sweep the place. What are you doing? "I'm disguising myself as a house cleaner. I'm sure that they have Mexicans that'll work below minimum wage." ... now that... is just racist. Like Michael Bay!!! "Shush! Act natural." Fluttershy opened the door to her house; a very familiar purple alicorn stood on her door step. "Oh! Hello Twilight." Fluttershy greeted in a pleasant surprised tone "Hey Fluttershy," Twilight responded "listen, I was studying some old novels in my castle, when one of the locals, a unicorn named 'Lyra Heartstrings', came to me and begged me to help her find one of her fantasy creatures called 'humans'." "Oh! But, didn't you turned into a human to retrieve your crown and to help the alternate dimension of us?" "I did, but humans in Equestria!? Preposterous!!! Say, who's that in there?" Fluttershy looked behind her and saw Deadpool wearing a bucket that had an upside down drawing of a pony's face that had a bandito mustache and wearing a sombrero on the said bucket. "Oh, him? That's dead-" "No it's not," Deadpool interrupted, impersonating a Mexican "my name is Juan Gonzales." "...What a strange pony." Twilight commented, walking inside Fluttershy's home. "And look at the mess here!!!" "Si, I'm cleaning up the mess I accidentally made." "And how did you make this mess? It looks like something crashed through here." "Um... Twilight," Fluttershy meekly asked "what did this human look like?" "Lyra made a list of things to look out for," Twilight responded. "First off, it's a male, as Juan here, stands on two legs, like Juan, wears red, like Juan, has hands, like Juan, and has an ugly belt buckle with his ugly face-" "WHAT CHOO SAY!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled, removing the bucket & sombrero off his head and throwing it on the ground. "Ah HA!!! I found you!!!" Well you blew that one. "Deadpool," Fluttershy said "why did you try to hide? Are you shy like me?" "Hell no!!!" Deadpool replied back in his normal voice "I just didn't want to be found by that mint unicorn!!!" "You mean Lyra?" Twilight asked "♫B***H, you guessed it!!! Hwah, you was right.♫" "... He sure reminds me of Pinkie." "That's the first thing I said." Fluttershy added "Alright, Mr... Deadpool? Look, I'm not going to take you back to Lyra." "Really?" Deadpool asked "She told me she was going to keep you as a pet. Look, I see you're no different than anypony... okay, A LOT different than anypony, but you have a mind and are really special. Just come with me to my castle. I'll make sure your safe." We're gonna be in Twilight's house now? Castle. Castle? Remember the Season 4 Finale? Her house and Ponyville's library was destroyed by- "Tirek!!!" Deadpool yelled out of nowhere "TIREK!?!?!?" Twilight yelled, jumping in the air a bit "WHERE!?!?!?" Nothing happened after a few seconds. She turned around to Deadpool & marched towards him. She grabbed him by some loose clothing at his chest area. "Listen buster-" she began to monologue WE'RE DEAD!!! We can't die, remember? THEN WE'RE IN A WOLRD OF PAIN!!! We laugh at pain as a defense mechanism from all the s**t life throws at us. Well I'm Totally afraid of her!!! I'm not. WHAT!?!?!? If you weren't paying attention to your music, then you'd know that Twilight is actually my favorite character. So adorable, shares my passion of knowledge & self control, and is- NERDS!!! We prefer the term 'Egg heads'. And I think she's down talking to us. "Do I make myself clear?" Twilight finished her monologue. Deadpool raised his right hand and pushed Twilight's muzzle back. "Boop!" Deadpool simply replied. "I'll take that as a yes." "RAG DOLL PHYSICS ACTIVATE!!!" Deadpool went limp, not moving at all. "Are you... alright?" "Yes." "AUGH!!!" "Don't worry, just drag me to your castle. I'm not heavy." "...okay... this is weird. Care to help, Fluttershy?" Fluttershy walked next to the limp deadpool and, with her mouth, carried one of his hands while Twilight, also using her mouth, carried one of his feet. They were both surprised at how light he was. "Oh my," Fluttershy's muffled voice said "We're not hurting you, are we?" "Don't worry about it," Deadpool said "Rapid healing, remember?" "He has Rapid healing!?!?!?" Twilight's muffled voice asked "I'll explain later." Twilight and Fluttershy dragged the limp human, walking through town. Some of the locals stared at the two, but Deadpool surprisingly stayed silent, giving the illusion that he was merely a prop for something. It took them a while, but they made it to Twilight's castle. "NORMAL MODE ACTIVATE!!!" Deadpool yelled. In a poof, he was standing upright, but his hand & foot being ripped in the process. Some blood started to come out of the ripped areas "Oh... should've asked you to let go of me." You think? The mares screamed a bit, spitting out the popped off hand & foot out of their mouths. "Just give me a sec." Deadpool said. He lazily put on his cut off foot as if it were a shoe and he put on his hand. The flesh connected together, a fully healed. "Ah! Just like Megablocks." It's Legos!!! LEGOS!!! "How did you-" Twilight stuttered "Rapid healing AND connecting all chopped pieces together as if I'm an action Figure. I'm pretty sure your slave Spike may know. Where is he?" "He's not my slave!!! And he's helping me get new books for this Castle's library." "Ah!!! Need to fulfill your book fetish like Rainbow Dash." "Alright, tell me, how do you know us!?!?!?" "Easy: I'm gonna need two tacos for that information" Deadpool pulled out a chair & sat on it "Tacos!?!?!?" "They're delicious!!!" Twilight grunted to herself & left. Fluttershy sat on her haunches, humming a tune to herself Hell Ya!!! Now we're talking!!! She'll want us to talk anyways. Listen, be honest: tell them they're just a cartoon in our world and- LOOK OUT!!! CUTENESS!!! Fluttershy stood up and Walked to Deadpool's legs, rubbing her head on it like a cat. Deadpool stiffened. His eyes watched her, as she kept rubbing herself and seemed to be purring like a cat. The unthinkable happened: Fluttershy climbed on his lap and curled up in a ball. His hand reached out to one of her ears sticking up. Don't do it man!!! Don't!!! For your pride!!! Yeah right. Don't lie, you LOVE Fluttershy!!! No... I... Don't!!! Sure... Deadpool's hand touched the Pegasus' ear. He then proceeded to scratch it. Fluttershy's pupils went large, then shrunk back into place. Her eyes began to shut, as she began to purr. Twilight came in and saw what he was doing, brining a tray with two tacos on it. "Uh... Deadpool?" Twilight asked, chuckling to herself. Deadpool Screamed like a woman. Fluttershy yelled and Screamed with him!!! He jumped in the air, causing Fluttershy to hit the floor on her back! "What do you mean!?!?!?" Deadpool muttered out "I wasn't scratching behind my favorite pony's ear!!! Especially knowing that this land is a cartoon world in my world!!!" The two stared at him blankly. "...okay. I guess that's an answer on where you came from." She took it rather pretty well. Perhaps all those Cross over Fan-Fics really did happen!!! Highly unlikeable. "So what you're saying is that you are from a different world where my friends & ALL of Equestria are part of a cartoon program?" Twilight asked "♫...B***h, you guessed it!!! You was motherf*****g right!!!♫" Deadpool replied "Can you stop with that weird language!?!?!? It's really uncomfortable." I agree: you need to cut all the swearing. You swear too!!! Not as much as mother f***ers. "...Alright then," Deadpool said "I'll try to cut down all the swearing. Pinkie Promise. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye" Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. "Well," Twilight began "I see you already know the Pinkie Promise." "I believe he may know more about us than we think." Fluttershy added. "ALMOST FORGOT!!!" Deadpool yelled. He ran and slid across the floor, landing next to Twilight's left side. He put his right arm across from her & pulled out his cellphone with the other. "What are you doing!?!?!?" Twilight demanded, trying to Push Deadpool away. "Don't worry Twilight," Fluttershy said "It something his species call 'Selfies'." "It is!!!" Deadpool yelled "Say Cheese!!!" "uh... cheese?" Twilight awkwardly asked, making a nervous smile. A simple flash came from the phone. Deadpool got up and walked around the castle, sending his new picture to his friends on Facebook. "Now, who will I take a selfie with next?" Appuls. Pony #5: ApplejackAuthor's Note 2 figures of business finally meet: an earth Pony who's a farmer & who's mind is on Apples 24/7 and a human who's a contract killer & mind is on... who knows what. Who'll be next? Stay Tuned!!! Appuls. Pony #5: Applejack "Well," Twilight said "we need to find a different hiding spot for you now. I believe the ponies here will ask me questions on what's happening. You all head to Sweet Apple Acres and introduce Deadpool to Applejack." APPLEJACK!!! She's the redneck of the group, right? She's a western. And to go more deeper: she's more like a cowboy. So she rides horses? THEY ARE HORSES!!! Wait, so does that mean... OH!!! She DOES NOT do that!!! You're a kill joy. "Thank Celestia for that." Deadpool said "What did you say?" Fluttershy asked "Oh... nothing. Let's head to Sweet Apple Acres!!!" He jumped and landed on Rainbow Dash's back. "RIDE MY TRUSTY STEED!!!" "EXCUSE ME!?!?!?" Rainbow Dash asked "YEE HAW!!!" Deadpool slapped Dash's flank area and she began to run!!! "WHAT THE-? How did you-" "FLY!!! JUST FLY!!!" Dash grunted to herself & flapped her wings. She was also surprised at how light Deadpool was, despite that he was taller than them. Deadpool grabbed onto the pegasus' mane, as he looked down & saw the town. It sure is beautiful, isn't it? I hate to admit it, but yeah, it is. Is it alright if we do it? Do what? You know. The famous song for Titanic? No. Please? No! Pretty Please? ... Alright. But only this one time. let me clear my voice. SWEET!!! Together now!!! ♫And IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII will always love you!!!♫ ♫And IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII will always love you!!!♫ "We're above Sweet Apple acres." Fluttershy said "Dash, could you kindly land for him?" "I'm on it." Dash replied a bit annoyed that she's being used as transportation. "Are you ready?" "F**k this." Deadpool said to himself. He let go of Dashie's mane, put his arms to the side, leaned to the left a bit, and then let gravity do the work as he fell down to the apple farm below. You know we can't die, right? "I likt to imagine we can, especially after hearing you two sing that." I told you it was a terrible idea!!! You begged for me to join you!!! "We're here!!!" Out in the distance, surrounded be trees, a familiar orange pony with a yellow ponytailed mane & tail wearing a stylish cowboy hat bucked some apples. She stopped as she heard what sounded like a male screaming. She looked up and, sure enough, something was falling from the sky & landing near a hill to her front. Deadpool landed on the hill roughly, breaking some bones, and rolled down the hill. The mare stood silently, as Deadpool rolled down the hill and... sang? "♫They see me rollin, They hatin', Patrolling they tryin to catch me ridin' dirty! Tryin to catch me ridin' dirty! Tryin to catch me ridin' dirty! Tryin to catch me ridin' dirty! Tryin to catch me ridin' dirty!♫" Deadpool gently tapped the mare's hooves, looking up at the pony's green eyes. "...Can ah help you?" The mare asked "Do you require some fancy medical attention? 'Cause ah don't have any of that fancy stuff. "Don't worry about that. I'm actually looking for Applejack." "Yer looking at 'er." Deadpool stared at the mare; It definitely was Applejack. "huh... Figures." Deadpool kicked himself right back up "Name's Deadpool: Businessman of getting rid of different characters & things!" He extended his hand to her like the gentleman he is. Applejack extend her front hoof and 'grabbed' Deadpool's hand, then shook him rather violently, shaking it like the Gentle-Mare SHE was. "Howdy! Name's Applejack!!! A'hm a buisnessmare maself as ah sell apples, zap apple jam, and mah family's special made cider across this fair town!!! Of course, if A'hm not selling anything, A'hm busy runnin' the farm with ma big brother, lill' sis, and Granny!!!" A loud 'Rip' was Heard. Deadpool and Applejack, with wide eyes, looked down: Applejack, from her violent shaking of Deadpool's hand, ripped his arm right off!!! Both stood there, looking at each other, then the arm, then back, then the arm, still with wide eyes. Deadpool began to chuckle. "What's so Funny!?!?!? Ah- Ah- Ah tore yer' arm off!!!" "I know! Can you... Lend me a hand!!!" *Ba Dum, Crash!!!* Ugh... Worst... joke... EVER!!! "There he is!!!" Rainbow Dash's voice yelled. Applejack and Deadpool looked up: The Two pegasi were above them and landed onto the floor. "Mr. Deadpool!" Fluttershy yelled a bit with both disappointment and worry "What were you thinking!?!?!? You could've been hurt!!!" "I laugh at pain!!!" Deadpool replied, trying to point at himself with his nub of an arm, bleeding. "He's kinda right," Dash replied "And I see you've meet Applejack. Applejack, how's Deadpool doing? Has he done anything to you?" "No," Applejack replied "but... ah tore his arm off." "GIMME DAT!!!" Deadpool yelled, snatching his arm away from Applejack's hoof. The arm retaliated and slapped Deadpool across the face, causing him to drop his own body piece. It hit to the floor, got up, gave Deadpool the middle finger, then it's hand & fingers acted as the arm's 'feet' and seemed to crawl away. "Does... that happen a lot?" "Not like that." Fluttershy replied, a bit freaked out at what the arm did. "He just flipped the bird!!!" Deadpool said in complete surprise. "That poor baby bird!!!" "We need to stop that little piece of s**t!!!" "Wait," Applejack said in confusion " what's a little piece of-" "What he's saying AJ," Dash interrupted, putting her hoof in the farmer's mouth, muffling her "is that we need to get that arm back!!!" "Does this happen with you back home?" Fluttershy asked Deadpool "Sometimes." Deadpool responded "The only time when they do listen & obey is on Taco Tuesday." "Oh... should we get it?" "Nah, let me see if I can catch it." Deadpool teleported away to the branches of the tree above. Without his other arm, holding on the tree & balancing was really difficult for him. He continued his teleporting to the trees, looking for his rogue arm. A.J. swiped Rainbow Dash's hoof out of her mouth. "C'mon ya'll!!!" A.J. yelled "We gotta help Deadpool find his missing arm." "But how?" Dash asked "...get ma rope." Deadpool teleported into another tree. He spotted his arm catching it's 'breath'. There's that little Son of a b***h!!! Wait: doesn't that make US a son of a b***h? "Enough talking who's a b***h to who," Deadpool said to himself "we're going to make him our b***h." You mean ourselves, right? "... SHUT THE F**K UP!!!" The arm jumped at Deadpool's yell. "Great! See what happens when I think!!! GET OVER HERE!!!" Deadpool jumped off his tree and chased after his arm. The arm 'looked' behind itself every now & then, but ended up hitting a tree. Deadpool cornered the arm on the said tree, readying himself to pounce. "Alright arm; you're going back in my socket and we're not going to have trouble after this, got it?" The arm returned with another middle finger. "THAT'S IT!!!" Deadpool leapt towards the arm. The arm also 'leapt' into the air and slapping him across the face, causing him to be knocked off course and slamming into the floor!!! The arm began to 'run' away, but a lasso came out of nowhere, catching it by the hand area and socket area. the lasso shut itself tight on it, and the arm began to struggle it's way to get free. Deadpool looked up and saw that Applejack, while using her tail, had hogtied his arm down!!! "YEE HAW!!!" She yelled "That was easier than taking down that stampede!!!" "Way to go AJ!!!" Rainbow Dash yelled "You rock!" Fluttershy cheered "woo-hoo!" Applejack steadily walked towards the struggling arm as it was tied up. In just a few inches, she stomped on the hand of the arm, making sure it wouldn't move again. "You better gat 'yer arm back in, otherwise it'll run off again." "uh... thanks." Deadpool said a bit surprised at how she did it. He fell down to his armless side, slamming the loose arm down into the ground. In a few moments, he got right back up: his arm was back in place!!! "ALRIGHT!!! Thank you so much!!!" "It was nothin'. Next time, I'll charge ya, but fer now, it's free." "Say! Want to remember this moment?" "uh... sure, I guess." Deadpool leaned over to A.J., took out his cell phone and, using his other hand hung it above them!!! "Say 'Business'!!!" "Uh... Business?" Deadpool took the picture with an awkward smiling applejack. "Hold on... WHO JUST PHOTOBOMBED MY SELFIE!?!?!?" A pair of blue eyes were only seen. Newton cries a lot. Pony #6: Pinkamena Diane Pie (or Pinkie Pie)Author's Note Help me... More should be coming soon. Newton cries a lot. Pony #6: Pinkamena Diane Pie (or Pinkie Pie) Everyone stiffened up and froze in place. They all slowly turned around, sweating hard on who photobombed Deadpool's picture. Deadpool looked down and was now face to face with the photobomber; blue eyes and a pink body. He knew who it was. Ok... Don't make... any... sudden... movements. Just back up slowly. Deadpool took two steps back slowly. The pink mare with a small smile followed him a bit. NO way!!! We have to do the opposite!!! Right foot let's stomp!!! Deadpool stamped on his right foot. Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash all gasped a bit. The other mare made a questionable look on Deadpool's action. Left Foot let's stomp!!! Deadpool stamped his other foot to the floor "Freeze!!!" The mare yelled. Deadpool and the others froze in place. "Everypony claps your hooves!!!" Surprisingly, the ponies stood on their hind legs and clapped their front hooves together, following Deadpool as he clapped his hands that felt similar to a song back home. "Come on ya'll!!! Check it out ya'll!!! How low can you go? Can you go down low? All the way to the floor? How low can you go?" "Yeah," Rainbow Dash said, getting out of the weird dance phase "thanks, but no thanks." "Aw... you don't like DJ Casper's Cha Cha Slide?" "You know DJ Casper!?!?!?" Deadpool asked in pure surprise "Yeah!!! We all know that song, but no one bothers to look up the song AND the artist!!!" "I know, right!!!" "Especially how the radio plays the same song over & over!!!" "It's so annoying!!! I'm tired of hearing them over & over, again & again, everyday!!!" The two stared at each other a bit. The three other ponies blinked once and somehow, both the human and the mare had top hats with monocles. "The name's Pinkie Pie." "Deadpool, it's quite elegant to meet you madame." The three ponies rubbed their eyes and somehow, both sat on chairs at a fancy looking table, complete with a vase filled with flowers, napkins, and a tea set. The two were dressed in tuxedos while sipping tea. "I've never meet such a fine creature like you." Deadpool said "You are the one & only Pinkie Pie, am I right?" "Oui," Pinkie replied "That is correct, my strange but good sir." "y'know," Applejack whispered to the pegasi "for both being so random, this is quite tame for them." "TAME!?!?!?" Both Pinkie and Deadpool yelled "You wish for Craziness!?!?!?" Pinkie asked "WE'LL GIVE YOU CRAZINESS!!!" Deadpool finished. They both flipped the table together. Pinkie pulled out her party canon and fired at her friends, covering them in confetti!!! Deadpool jumped onto her back and the two ran away!!! Everyone stood with wide open eyes with small pupils. "You had to say something." Dash commented to Applejack. Twilight stood in front of her castle as a swarm of ponies stood around it, each asking what happened with Rainbow Dash's Sonic Rainboom. "Everypony," Twilight ordered "Calm down! Look, we should all know that Rainbow Dash trains a lot. She may have done a Sonic Rainboom as part of her training routine or as a way to make up a new trick." "If that's it," a lone unicorn said "Then why was there a red blur in front of her?" "Well... she may... uh... have had... a couple of... APPLES!!! Yep! She had apples in front of her!" "Why?" A small foal asked "For... a snack!" "Oh yeah," A familiar unicorn said, walking up to Twilight "or it's perhaps you meet MY HUMAN!!!" "LYRA!?!?!?" "Yeah! You meet him alright!!! You meet Deadpool!!! You took him from me!!!" "LYRA!!!" a beige coated, pigment blue mane with a rose pink streak, cerulean eyes, and a cutie mark of three wrapped up candies yelled from the crowd "Stop embarrassing yourself!!! There's no such things as humans!!!" "THEY DO EXIST!!! He wore red!!! Had a mask with white eyes in black spots!!! He even wore a belt buckle with his own face on it!!! Why I summoned him and-" Lyra monologued on how she meet Deadpool early that day. Twilight turned her eyes and saw a familiar pink pony with a familiar human: Pinkie Pie and Deadpool ran into Sugar Cube Corner, both laughing very maniacally!!! Twilight began to sweat hard, turning back to Lyra. "And he teleported out of my face!!! He is here somewhere!" "Hold on," a stallion said "I saw something that looked like what you described! Princess Twilight and her friend Fluttershy were carrying that!" "Yeah," Another stallion said. Twilight was now sweating like a water fall. "Lyra... you're crazy!!! Mistaking something like that for a real human. Princess, that's an awesome prop! Are you doing anything with it?" "Me?" Twilight asked "well... that was a gift for... Celestia!!! Yeah! She needed something to hold onto her accessories, so that was going to be her personal holding stuff." "See Lyra: you're always making stuff up just to become popular!" "But I-" Lyra stuttered a bit "C'mon guys," a pegasus mare said "let's get out of here." The whole town left to do their own thing. Lyra stood with her mouth wide open, she turned and gave Twilight a death stare. "Where is he?" Lyra asked "Him?" Twilight responded with a grin "He's in a place where you'll NEVER find him." Pinkie and Deadpool shut the door to Pinkie's room. Gummy was the only thing in there, but it stood there stupidly, not even acknowledging that a human was there. Deadpool tried to poke one of it's eyes. The alligator simply bit his finger before he could do anything. Deadpool lifted his hand back, with the alligator still biting it, and he tried to shake off the toothless alligator, but was surprised to see that it wouldn't let go. "Silly Gummy," Pinkie said, walking to the two "Don't you know Deadpool is our guest." She reached and, using her mouth, took the alligator off Deadpool's finger by it's tail, taking it away. "So," Deadpool said very seductively "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Pinkie dropped the Alligator on a nearby drawer. She turned to him, eyes halfway closed "Why yes," she returned, also seductive like "when should we begin?" "I say... right now." "Right now? But... what about-" "Shush." He placed his finger in her lips, stopping her sentence "I don't know how it'll work either... but... it'll work somehow." "Ooh... I like that." "I know... bed or floor?" "Defiantly the bed." I feel funny. I'll get the music ready. Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy ran to Twilight, right after Lyra left in a fit. "Twilight!!!" Dash yelled "We got ourselves a situation!!!" "I know!" Twilight responded "I saw the two!" "Where are they?" Fluttershy asked. "In Sugar Cube corner!!!" "Oh Celestia." Applejack said with widened eyes & shrunken pupils. "What!?!?" Everyone asked "uh... I just hope they're not doing it." "What do you mean?" Twilight asked "Trust me!!! Ye don't want to know!!!" "Whatever it is," Dash said "We'll stop them!!!" "Hopefully they haven't started." The 4 ran into Sugar Cube Corner and ran up the stairs!!! They slowly tiptoed to Pinkie's room, but stopping as they heard 2 things: the sound of bed springs going up & down and the moans of both Deadpool & Pinkie. Applejack covered her mouth with one of her front hooves as her cheeks puffed up!!! "Oh... sweet... celestia." Twilight said. "Are they... oh... Dash?" "On it." Rainbow Replied with a disgusted tone. She reached over to the for door knob slowly, not wanting to see what it's inside. She touched it and slowly turned it. All four peered inside. "AUGH!!!" Deadpool yelled "GET OUT!!!" "STOP YOU TWO!!!" Fluttershy yelled, closing her eyes "THAT'S NOT HOW CENTAURS ARE MADE!!!" "Then how are they made?" Pinkie asked. "Yeah," Deadpool added "we're not even having it." Fluttershy opened her eyes: Deadpool and Pinkie were jumping on Pinkie's bed, both performing many tricks and having a great time. Everyone entered and saw what the two were doing. "Oh Sweet Celestia!!!" Applejack yelled "Thank Goodness you two weren't doing it!!!" "What do you think I am?" Deadpool asked while doing a backflip "She's at least 15 years younger than me." "And I don't think cross species will work." Pinkie added "We were discussing on what we should do." "The only thing we came up with is revealing myself to these ponies." "And how will that work?" Dash asked "BY A PARTY!!!" The duo yelled together with confetti appearing right behind them. "That... may actually work." Twilight said. The two stopped i midair and looked down at them. "What do you mean?" Pinkie asked "A party can calm everypony down, Deadpool can be seen as a friend rather than a threat, and Lyra will see that he's in good hooves with us." Deadpool giggled. "What's so funny?" "You said 'us'." Deadpool replied. The duo's gravity defy stunt ended, causing the two to land on the bed again and landing on their feet in the process. "I think I know the pony that can help us out." Pinkie said "Oh great!!! Say, we should take a-" "A SELFIE!?!?!?" "...How'd you know-" "I read the past 5 chapters." "Oh... well... SELFIE!!!" Deadpool pulled his camera out and took a pic with Pinkie, both making a widely funny happy face as their faces hit the screen!!! Deadpool sent his pic to Facebook. "So... who is she?" Expositions. Pony #7: RarityAuthor's Note If you don't know his backstory... then why are you reading this? Read it and play the Dead Island theme while you're at it. (Dramatic piano one) Who will Deadpool meet next? Find out next time!!! Expositions. Pony #7: Rarity "If we're going over there," Rainbow said "We need a disguise for Deadpool." "I agree." Twilight added "I told every pony that Deadpool, while Fluttershy and I were dragging him, was a gift for Celestia to hold her accessories." "Really?" Deadpool asked in an angry tone. "I'm just an accessory holder to her?" "It could be worse." Fluttershy added "You could've been a statue for her garden." "... I guess you're right. Wouldn't want the birds to be taking s**ts on me all day." "I've got the perfect disguise!!!" Pinkie yelled, digging something out of her chest." "What is it?" Applejack asked!!! "TA-DA!!!" Pinkie held something out to them. "You've got to be kidding me." Dash simply said. Deadpool walked outside with the others, wearing a larger Pinkie Pie costume with Pinkie Duck taped to the front of Deadpool's face. Everyone else walked around him, feeling very stupid about this. "Alright Pooley," Pinkie said "Just follow my direction and we should be there without everyone knowing." "This is not going to end well." Dashie murmured to herself. "Why did we even agree on this?" Twilight asked "I have no idea about all ya'll," Applejack said surprisingly optimistic like "but Pinkie's plan sure is workin'." Sure enough, not a lot of ponies focused the mysterious 2 legged Pinkie with a Pinkie duck taped to it's face area. Only a couple of ponies looked at it, but shrugged away: most likely a new friend Pinkie made, a minotaur most likely. "Alright," Pinkie said "to the left... right... back up a bit... Curl it... pull it... bop it!!!" "HIGH SCORE!!!" Deadpool yelled, carrying Twilight by her tail in a ponytail. "STOP THAT!!!" Twilight yelled "We're here!!!" Pinkie shrieked a bit. Fluttershy walked to the door and opened it, letting everyone inside. Instead of walking inside, he fell to his front, to where Pinkie flipped him over, causing him to rip out of the costume, land on his feet, and with Pinkie still duck taped to his face. "Pinkie." Dash said "You're still on his face." "We know." The two said together. Pinkie kicked herself off the human, ripping the tape off his face clean, but still on her. Pinkie noticed the tape on her chest area, closed her eyes with a grunt, and a new batch of fur came out, dropping the tape down. Everyone but Deadpool stood there with a questioned look, Deadpool was actually applauding. "I have got to learn that trick sometime." Deadpool said. "Who's there?" an elegant voice asked from the second floor. "Is that you, friends?" "It is!" Pinkie answered with a gleeful cheer "And we brought a new comer!!!" "A new customer!?!?!? Hold on, just give me a minute!!!" "I hope Rarity can help someone yer size and shape." Applejack said. Deadpool looked at the farmer. "You sayin' I'm FAT!?!?!?" Deadpool snapped "NO!!! Ah- Ah just meant- well, we never had somepony that was shaped like... you." "OH!!! I SEE!!! RACIST!!!" "Racist!?!?!?" "Or, in my case, SPECIES-IST!!!" "Species-ist!?!?!?" "Why are you being so rude?" Pinkie asked "But... I didn't-" "♫Why do you gotta be so rude?♫" Deadpool sang "♫Don't you know I'm only human too?♫" "Who's singing down there?" The same voice asked. Some clopping sounds came down, as a super light grey unicorn with a stylish moderate indigo mane & tail entered their area. Deadpool teleported out of nowhere. "Rairty!!!" Twilight yelled "We're so glad you're here!!!" "Look," Rainbow Dash said "This is going to sound weird, but we need you to NOT make a dress, but a suit." "Ooh!!!" Rarity said "A stallion!!! Tell me: is he anything BUT Blue Blood AND Trendor Hoof?" "You... can say that." Applejack replied "*Gasp* Where is he!?!?!? What's his name?" "His name is Deadpool." Fluttershy replied "And he's behind you!!!" Pinkie added. Rarity turned, only to see a weird red creature tossing itself to her front hooves! "Notice me Senpai!!!" Deadpool yelled, grabbing onto her hooves "Please... We can work this out together!" Rarity stared down at the human, going from a smile to near blankness fear, with her pupils becoming small. "Senpai?" "AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!" Rarity screamed, knocking deadpool down to his back! She ran to her kitchen, grabbed a nearby frying pan with her magic, and began to beat Deadpool's head with it very rapidly!!! "RARITY!!!" Everyone yelled. Rarity stopped a bit, seeing Deadpool's skull had finally been dented and he is on the floor, presumably dead. "That takes care of that." Rarity said with a sigh of relief. "Can any of you help me take this out to the trash?" "Rarity!!!" Twilight yelled "that WAS Deadpool!!!" "...This is the new customer?" "YES!!!" They all yelled "Oh... what do we do then?" "Just give me a minute." Deadpool's voice replied. Rarity jumped, turning around and arming herself with the same frying pan. She stopped as the dent in Deadpool's skull was join away, back to it's original shape. Deadpool stood right back up, fully healed. "Do you do this with every new customer?" Horrible service if you wanted to be stylish. Or being so FABULOUS!!! Rarity backed up from Deadpool, shivering a bit and dropping the frying pan. "Is he... dangerous?" Rarity asked "Nah," Dash said "I already beat him up already." "Only because I allowed you." Deadpool replied "YOU THREW A BRICK AT ME!!!" "YOU WERE SPYING!!!" The two locked eyes together, intensely staring at each other. Deadpool's arm reached up and his hand touched her muzzle "BOOP!!!" She made a scrunch face from it. Deadpool ran away a bit, giggling like a madman! "Truth be told," Twilight said "He acts more like Pinkie Pie rather than a threat." "So... he can be both?" Rarity asked "Maybe. We should probably avoid what makes him snap like what we did with Pinkie on accident." "That inspired the story Cupcakes!!!" Deadpool appeared right between them, carrying them up to his face level. "...cupakes!?!?!?" Rarity asked "Don't read unless you're a fan of the Saw films... or torture p**n films." "...Torture p-" "With the dresses, please!!!" "Oh... alright... why do you need something?" "Tonight," Pinkie said "I'm going to throw a HUGE party for him!!!" "And I'm going to reveal myself to the public!!!" Deadpool added "Why didn't you do that?" Rarity asked "We're not sure how Ponies would react," Applejack answered "fer all we know, they'd burn him on the stake for bein' a witch." "Nice imagery." Deadpool said. "Very well then," Rarity said "I'm going to see what I can do. Deadpool, stand still while I measure you thoroughly." Deadpool dropped Rarity onto the floor gently. Rarity pulled out her measuring tape and began to measure ever part of him: legs, arms, chest, butt & yoo-hoo area, and head. "Deadpool?" "Yes?" "Is it alright if you can... take your mask off?" "WHAT!?!?! NO!!!" "Please?" "NO!!! N. O!!!" "... Do it or else you'll look like a woman." "And miss my chance on being fabulous!?!?!?" "That's it." Dash said "Get him!!!" All the ponies, including Pinkie, tackled Deadpool hiding him onto the floor. "YOU B***HES!!! WHY DO YOU WANT TO SEE MY FACE!?!?!?" "I can't trust someone who won't show their face!!!" Rarity replied, walking towards his face. "Now, let;s see your Beautiful face!!!" Deadpool struggled ad Rarity used her magic to remove Deadpool's mask. It slowly but steadily came right off. He stopped struggling as everyone got off him and saw his face: it was burnt up really bad, showing more muscle than skin, with some teeth showing. "Whoah!" Dash said "What happened to you?" "Were you burnt up?" Applejack asked "Who did this to you?" Fluttershy asked "And why?" Twilight added "Are you a zombie?" Pinkie asked. Rarity looked down at the... hideous beast, but felt empathy for it. "I-I-I'm so sorry," Rarity said "That was... insensitive of me. I-I-I didn't think that you'd be so-" "Ugly?" Deadpool asked. They all gasped a bit, seeing the weird, ugly zombie figure talk, but still sounding normal. "Can't blame you. Many always ask what I look like behind the mask. I always tell them 'A Zombie' or 'Michael Jackson', but curiosity gets to them, then, they see... this." "Well... I, deeply apologize. Who did this?" "*Sigh* You all really want to know?" They all shook their heads up & down. "Fine. Well, it all started when-" *One Exposition scene later* "And that's how I came to Equestria." Deadpool finished. The mane 6 all sat on their haunches with tears coming down their eyes. "You... poor thing." Fluttershy started "Your past," Twilight said "So... Tragic!!!" "How could that happen!!!" Applejack yelled "How could they do that!?!?!?" "WHY!?!?!?" Rainbow Dash yelled "I just thought you were born this way!!!" Pinkie yelled "NOW I FEEL AWFUL!!!" Rarity yelled "Ladies," Deadpool said "Calm down. Yes, it's tragic, and messed up, but you sometime have to do these things to survive. I should thank them in a strange way, come to think of it." the 6 ran up to him, each giving a hug around his legs. KICK THEM!!! See how far they'll go!!! SHUT THE F**K UP!!! We're having an emotional moment thing here "I'll get that suit ready!!!" Rarity yelled "It'll be the best thing you'll wear!!!" "Thanks." "And here's your mask." Rarity levitated the mast to Deadpool. Without a word, Deadpool put his mask on, covering his near zombie looking face. "TA-DA!!! Rarity?" "Yes?" "Would you like to take a selfie?" "What is that?" "We've all done it." Fluttershy said, wiping a tear away. "It's a rather pleasant thing to do." "Oh.. alright then!" "SELFIE!!!" Deadpool slid over to Rarity with his phone, taking the picture of the 2. "That's it? Rather simple, if I must say." "Ah! But you're beauty is forever held in this!" "Oh! You're such a gentleman!!! Your suit will be ready soon." DJ Hero Pony # 8: Vinyle Scratch/ DJ Pon-3A couple of hours passed as Rarity worked on Deadpool's new suit. The only thing Rarity had to do was to keep her sister, Sweetie Belle, from going down stairs and giving her a good night. Deadpool & Pinkie had played at least 8008 games of tic-tac-toe (all ending with a tie), Twilight & Rainbow Dash read at least 4 books of Daring Do, Fluttershy left to babysit some new bunnies, and Applejack returned to her home, mostly to keep her family from worrying where she was at. Rarity entered their room. "It is finished." She simply said. Everyone got up and went to see Deadpool's new suit: It looked like a tuxedo, but red replaced the white with the exception of the two front pockets, which were shaped to look like Deadpool's eyes, and his belt buckle was shown on both shoulders & back. "Holy s**t!!!" Deadpool said "That... is... EPIC!!!" "You like it?" "No... I LOVE IT!!!" "How Flattering!!!" "Now we can get this party started!!!" Pinkie yelled "But how?" Twilight asked "Let me handle that. Deadpool?" "Yes?" the human asked, lowering his head to the mare. "Get your suit on & wait in Suger Cube's Corner cellar. You'll know my signal." "Easy enough." "Just... don't get caught, okay?" "Got it." Deadpool quickly put on the new suit, seeing how stylish and fitting it was on him. He began to 'sneak' his way around Pontville, though there was barely anyone around with the exception of a few bats, owls, and the moon. "♫Tip-toeing in my Jordans, I done came down Tip-toeing in my Jordans-♫" "What are you going to do?" Rainbow Dash asked Pinkie "You'll see," Pinkie replied "I've got an old friend that'll DEFIANTLY help us out." Some time passed. A unicorn with the same color coat as Rarity's, but spiked up moderate cobalt blue with brilliant cyan stripes with round purple tinted glasses appeared to them with black case that had a red button on it. "I remember her!!!" Dash yelled "You're from the Canterlot wedding!!!" "That's right," the unicorn replied with a deeper but still female sounding voice with tomboy in it "Vinyl Scratch, better known as DJ Pon-3. Pinkie invited me to make some music for a friend of hers. Who is this certain somepony, Pinkie?" "Oh," Pinkie replied "You'll meet him. I'll announce his name, he'll appear onstage with you, and we'll get this party started!!!" "Sounds great!" "Need help making a stage?" Twilight asked. "Nah. Stand back folks." the 4 walked back a few feet. Vinyl pushed the red button with her muzzle; the black case opened, then out popped out a whole stage, complete with 8 feet high loudspeakers, her own stage, two disco balls, a set of records, and three smoke machines. "How'd you do that?" Rarity asked "Thanks to your show, I've gained new fans around Equestria! I'm officially the queen of music around here!!!" "But what about your best friend?" Pinkie asked. Vinyl turned around and lowered her glasses, revealing her purple eyes. "She's not hip like me." Vinyl put back her glasses and walked onstage. She turned some machinery on, activating her booth. Some music began to play, but at a rather low volume. She turned a nozzle and the music started to get louder as it turned. Some ponies opened up their windows & door and began to look outside to see what was making that noise, but were surprised to see a DJ booth up with music playing. Pinkie walked up to the stage and picked up a microphone on Vinyl's booth. "Come on Everypony!!!" Pinkie exclaimed "It's a party for a new friend and resident of Ponyville!!!" Deadpool hanged out in the bottom of the basement. He was hearing what they she was saying. I love this song!!! Do you even know what it's called? ... is it from DJ Hero? No. It's 'generic techno' #9001 "IT'S OVER 9000!!!" Deadpool yelled. "Did you hear something?" A female voice asked "I do," a male replied "I believe it's coming from that DJ booth outside." "Oh Sweetie, don't you think we should help the children sleep?" "I think so too dearie, but... I don't think there'll be a problem for the twins to stay up a few extra hours." "I hope you're right." Close call there. "Attention everypony!!!" Pinkie's amplified voice announced through the loudspeakers. OH!!! It's almost Showtime!!! "Thank you all for coming to this near last minute party! I apologize for ruining your sleep time, but I thank Vinyl, my close friends, and our newest friend AND New resident here in ponyville!!! Fillies and Gentlecolts, please, clap your hooves for someone out of this world: DEADPOOL!!! "It's showtime." Deadpool simply said. In a puff of red smoke, he disappeared from the basement and landed onstage, standing next to Pinkie and in front of Vinyl!!! The whole crowd gasped at the sight of Deadpool. Vinly stopped the music and took her glasses off, also surprised at the sight of Deadpool. A whole minute of silence stood, as Deadpool stood there. Pinkie walked next to him, still carrying the microphone. "Mr. Deadpool, care to say anything?" Deadpool swiped the Microphone from Pinkie. "Hola a todos! Mi nombre es Deadpool, y he venido aquí para salvar a poco la trama de todos los presentes de los rostros del mal en esta hermosa tierra !!!" All the ponies scratched their heads, not even sure what he said. "That was español for 'Hello, I'm Deadpool and I'm awesome, sexy, & the newest hero since Mare-Do-Well'." More silence came from the crowd. Pinkie began to stomp her hooves to the ground, flowed by Twilight, Rairty, & Rainbow Dash. Applejack and Fluttershy began to stomp theirs in the crowd, then everypony followed. "Okay then," Vinyl simply said, putting her glasses back on. "LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!" Deadpool teleported next to her, causing her to jump from her spot. "Deadpool style!!!" Deadpool added, taking her spot. He grabbed a record, put it on the track player, and began the music. Vinyl watched as Deadpool was acting very much like a DJ: He applied the right amount of pressure onto the disks to perform a scratch in the music, faded the music enough to when it went to another song, and had the enthusiasm a DJ needed with the crowd ACTUALLY Cheering and dancing to the music!!! Vinyl growled a bit and pushed him away! The crowd stopped, saw what was happening, and gasped. "What's your problem? I'm the only DJ here!!!" Deadpool got right back up "What's my problem!?!?!? I'm the guest of honor here, and I was helping the crowd get amped up while showing MY skills as a Dj." "HEY!!! I'm the Queen of Dj here!!! I'm the best in Equestria!!!" "Oh yeah! I'm the best from where I come from!!!" the two stared down at each other. "Are you challenging me to a DJ battle?" "Yes." "You think you can defeat me?" "No... I'm going to DETHRONE YOU!!!" "Oh it.. is... ON!!!" The stage activated, opening another DJ booth to Vinyl's on it's right side. The two walked to their booths: Vinyl on the left and Deadpool on the right. The two stared down at each other more. "Looks like it's a DJ BATTLE!!!" Pinkie announced on the microphone "New Comer, Deadpool, will be battling against the queen of DJs herself: DJ Pon-3!!! Who'll win? You Decide who did their job better!!!" The crowd cheered. Both Vinyl and Deadpool picked out their tracks and began their battle!!! *One vigorous DJ battle later* Both Deadpool and Vinyl panted very hard, sweating like waterfalls. The crowd cheered for their music and battle!!! The two walked to each other. "You know," Deadpool said, taking a deep breath "you weren't so bad, even without having fingers." "Thanks." Vinyl replied "I hate to admit, but you really have a great sense of beats, even for me." "Thanks. Truce?" Deadpool lifted one of his hands over to Vinyl. Vinly picked up one of her hooves and began to shake Deadpool's hand. "Truce." "The polls are in." Pinkie said, opening up a card. "And the winner is... IT'S A TIE!!!" "A TIE!?!?!?" the two yelled "Yeah! Everypony loved your music SO MUCH, that neither of you won nor lost!!! Vinyl: you can stay as the DJ queen of Equestria. Deadpool: you have now grown to be up to her level on the dot. What do you say?" The two looked at each other, lowered their eyelids and smiled. "What do you say?" Vinyl asked "Wanna go another round?" "Kinda." Deadpool replied "but not as a battle, but a duo." "My thoughts exactly." Deadpool's booth went away. they both walked to Vinyl's booth and stood next to each other. The crowd cheered for the two, as Deadpool picked up a track and Vinyl placed it inside. "Before we start, is it alight if we take a selfie together?" "Fine by me!" "SWEET!!!" Deadpool picked up his phone and took a picture of the two together with the huge background right behind them!!! "I just now wonder how everyone back home is doing?" "Think about that tomorrow. For now, we got a crowd to please." "On it!" "Let's DO THIS!!!" They both yelled, blasting another song that made the ponies cheer even louder. Author's Note Imagine the battle like this, but ending with a tie. and the duo went like this: Who will Deadpool meet next? Find out next time!!! Wonderful Day, eh? Pony #9: Princess Luna."WAKE UP WADE!!!" A demanding male voice yelled. Deadpool woke up and looked around him: he was no longer in Ponyville, let alone the stage that he and Vinyl were on, but he was in a small cubicle with a computer on one of the walls on a desk, some pens & pencils in a holder, a coffee mug that says 'stay focused', a picture of him with the EQG Pinkie Pie in what seems to be a wedding, and pills. Deadpool looked up: it was his old buddy Cable, but he didn't have the metal parts on him nor having his huge @$$ gun anywhere, only him in a suit with glasses. "Cable?" Deadpool asked "I told you for the last time: Get those papers signed or YOU'RE FRIED!!!" Cable threw some papers right at Deadpool's face and left. Deadpool sat for a minute. He got up and ran somewhere else! Everywhere he saw, cubicles at every turn, all his friends, enemies, and acquaintances were in the cubicles, sitting on their chairs, looking on their computers, answering phones, and not wearing their spandex costumes, but instead either business suits or dresses!!! He looked ahead and saw a water cooler: perhaps some water could help clear things out a bit? Deadpool took one of the paper cups and had himself a drink. In the corner of his eyes, he saw a familiar face. "LOGAN!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled. His old 'pal' Logan was carrying some papers, as he too had the same attire as the rest of the others, but his hair style was now more trimmed rather than looking like his mask. "Oh! Why hello Wade!" Logan replied in a Canadian accent "Wonderful day we're having, eh?" "What's with the accent?" "Born with this, eh. Want to go to the hockey game after this, eh?" "What? NO!!! Where am I?" "You work in the offices of Weapon X, eh. We make $8.53 an hour, eh. You took this job to support your wife and child, eh." "I HAVE A WIFE AND CHILD!?!?!?" "WADE!!!" A familiar voice yelled. He turned and saw Pinkie from the Equestria girls universe in trashy looking clothing with a baby wrapped in a blanket. "I thought you'd said you'd take me out to dinner, not mess around with the coworkers." "Soory for that, eh." Logan apologized. "Is that... a baby?" Deadpool asked "It is!" Pinkie replied "YOU'RE SON!!!" She opened the blanket and Deadpool looked inside: the baby had the face of Justin Beiber!!! "NO! THIS CAN'T BE!!! WIFE & GAY SHE-MALE CHILD!?!?!? CRAPPY OFFICE JOB WITH LOW PAY!?!?!? RESPONSIBILITIES!?!?!?!? I'M IN HELL!!!" "And taxes, eh." Logan added "NNNNNOOOOOO!!!" "BE GONE FOUL IMAGES!!!" an even more authoritative female voice yelled. A Blue blast came and faded the whole office away. Deadpool looked up and saw what was another pony coming from a flash of white; it was female, whole body was dark blue with a mane that looked like the night shy & seemed to move on it's own, had a weird blotch on it's flank with a white crescent moon in it, and had both the wings of a pegasus & horn of a unicorn. "Oh thank f***ing lord!!! Princess Luna, right?" "Yes. We are Princess Luna; the princess of the night. Deadpool, we have came to you to-" "How'd I fall to sleep?" "... what?" "HOW... DID... I... FALL... TO... SLEEP?" "Oh... Thouest stage dived off the platform and all ponies made a hold, causing you to fall onto the floor and became unconscious." "...Really? What a load of Bulls***!!!" "Anyways, Deadpool; We have heard about your arrival and what you've done lately. Thouest quest isn't admirable, nor villainous, but we need thee to take what thouest call 'selfies' with Everypony imaginable!!!" "Wait!?!?!? I have to take a selfie with EVERYPONY!?!?!?" "Yes! And Anything that isn't necessarily a pony." "God Da**it!!!" "But, thouest can take a 'selfie' with a group to make thy joinery shorter." "...At least that's good news." "And thy took a selfie with thee unconscious body." "YOU B***H!!!" "Relax. We didn't take thou's mask off." "... alright then... I'll give you that. Say, where are my two buddies?" "Does thouest mean the different colored self with different colored words?" "YEAH!!! Those 2!!!" "Right over there." She pointed to the right with one of her front hooves. Deadpool looked over: both his sides were playing poker together. His logical self was blue in color and wore very nerdy looking glasses, while his fun self was yellow-orange in color with weird Al inspired hair sticking out of the back of his head. "GUYS!!! Where were you both at!?!?!?" Playing Poker Playing poker "Thy selves are... interesting." Luna commented "That's just them, Princess Moon cheeks." "...Moon cheeks? What does that even-" Before she could finish, the yellow Deadpool teleported right behind her and slapped her flank! Luna looked up & froze; her eyes widened while her pupils shrunk and she blushed a bit. DRUM SOLO!!! Together now!!! The yellow played the famous drum solo on Luna's flank from a certain Phil Collins song... "♫And I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord!!!♫" Deadpool sang ♫Well, I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord!!!♫ ♫I can feel it in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord!!!♫ Luna's whole face became red. She lifted her backlegs and and bucked the yellow deadpool in the face. "SHUT UP!!!" Luna yelled. All three Deadpool's huddled together out of fear. "THOUEST WILL NOT SLAP THY PLOT ANYMORE!!! THY HAS TAKEN THEE TO AN ARE TO BEGIN THY'S QUEST WHEN THEY WAKES UP!!! "And when is that?" Deadpool asked with fear "NOW!!!" The whole place began to light up!!! Author's Note For the rest of these chapters... YOU DECIDE WHO DEADPOOL WILL MEET NEXT!!! Where are the other 2 at? Pony # 10, and 11: Doctor Whooves and Derpy HoovesAuthor's Note Deadpool is encountered by the couple themselves: Doctor and Derpy Hooves!!! Perhaps the 2 really are like how the fandom thinks of them... or not? Who will Deadpool meet next? You decide!!! Where are the other 2 at? Pony # 10, and 11: Doctor Whooves and Derpy Hooves "PRINCESS MOON CHEEKS!?!?!?" Deadpool snorted. He looked at his surroundings: he was inside what was most likely another pony's home, but not any of the Mane 6's home. He found himself on a pretty small bed, with his knees sticking out of the bed and 2 blankets trying to cover him whole. the sun hit him in the eyes, it was most likely the morning. He got up and looked through the windows: ponies walked around everywhere with a few pegasi flying by his window. Yep. He was still in Equestria. He looked at a picture next to him and picked it up: it was a family photo with a brown stallion with an even darker brown mane, a pink unicorn mare with a more purple mane holding a smaller unicorn that had a grey coat with yellow mane, and a grey pegasus with the small unicorn's features, but having more crossed eyes. HA HA!!! That one's stupid!!! HEY!!! We don't know what she's really like! She's a mother! For all we know, she's really determined to do the right thing help her children to both become model citizens and make a name for themselves!!! Oh come on, we've seen her MANY times in the show: she's really the reason why we love it! Oh!?!?! Really? We can say she's really clumsy AND, I will admit, may be the brightest of the bunch, but she's AT LEAST not a d****bag like you!!! WHY YOU LITTLE- A small creak was made. Deapool looked up and saw the same, grey coat, yellow mane, cross eyed pegasus staring at him at the doorway. "Good morning Mr. Deadpool." the pegasus announced herself in a voice that would sound similar to a dumb blonde girl back home. "My husband and I saw you sleeping on the floor, and we dragged you back to our home. When you're ready, please, come downstairs, breakfast is downstairs." She trotted away, humming herself a tune. Well... we don't want to be rude about it, do we? Breakfast actually does sound nice. We haven't anything ALL DAY YESTERDAY!!! "I'm sure we can go another day." Deadpool said to his self with confidence. A rumbling came from his stomach. "...Alright... we'll get a quick bite with this family." YAY!!! YAY!!! Deadpool exited the room. He noticed that the house he was in was a 2 story house, complete wit stairs. For what it looked like, he was probably in a guest room, while there was a room for the couple and a room for the two others in the picture, with some restrooms, of course. He quickly went down the stairs and saw the hello tail of the pegasus went into another room. Peering over the corner, Deadpool saw the Pegasus was inside a dining room area, holding a brown paper bag in her mouth and placing it on the table. Deadpool felt tapping right behind him. "Ahem." A voice said similar to David Tennant. Deadpool turned around and saw the same stallion in the photo. "May I ask why you're trying to sneak around here?" "Hubby!!!" The pegasus yelled "Did you meet Deadpool? He was the guest of honor last night AND the same character we dragged into our guest room." "Oh yes. I remember his annoying snoring." "Don't play like that. Remember YOU'RE annoying snoring?" "Honey: not in front of guests." "Still trying to defend your ego. You're so silly. Come, I made us breakfast." Deadpool and the stallion walked over to their chair and sat next to each other. Deadpool noticed that, from what it looks like, the other two ponies weren't here. "So..." he began "where are the other two at?" "What?" the stallion asked "I saw your family portrait and those two aren't here right now. Where are they?" "You mean my children?" The mare asked "Well, Dinky, the small one, is in school right now, and Amethyst star, the other one, is currently working at the jewelry shop around here." "Ah! And what are your names?" "Oh dear! We forgot to introduce ourselves, honey. My Name is Derpy hooves, and this is my husband, Time Turner." "Charmed." Time Turner replied "Strange," Deadpool commented "I thought your name would be 'Doctor Whooves'." "...why?" "Back where I come from, you look, and by the sound of it, like David Tennant from the show 'Doctor Who'. You wouldn't know anything about time travel, would you?" "..What!?!?!? No! I fix clocks and keep a tight schedule for everything." "Like?" "Breakfast is up pose to be at least 3 minutes and 12 seconds. You've GREATLY expanded that with your constant questioning." "Honey!" Derpy yelled "Please, stop with your time reminding to guests!" "Oh! I'm sorry, I'm just waiting to see if he'll comment your eyes!!!" Derpy gasped at his comment. Deadpool looked at the two. "Whoah," he said "Look, I do see that your wife's eyes are a bit crooked, but, other than that, there seems to be nothing wrong with her." "Really!?" the couple asked "Yeah. Truth be told, it actually makes her cute." "You... think I'm cute with these eyes?" Derpy asked "Yeah! And you work as a mailman, right?" "Mailmare. And how did you know-" "That takes a LOT of hard work! You have two kids and You're trying your best to support them!!!" "What abut me?" Time turner asked "You: you're the man of the house!!! Fixing clocks? F**k if I know how they work, but YOU do it!!! You both fit together!!!" "...wow... are you a psychologist?" "Nah, I just watch a lot of movies. Stay away from Happy Madison movies though, Adam Sandler runs it and he destroy's comedians comedy." "...ok." "How can we repay you?" Derpy asked "For what?" "For giving us moral support." "Only 3 things: 1) a couple of your so called 'bits'." "Done." "2) a bag of muffins to go. I don't want any of you to see my ugly jaw and feel like I'm a liar. "Understandable." Time replied "and 3) a selfie with you 2." "...What's a selfie?" Both asked "It's a picture with you two from this magical device called... 'a cellphone'." he pulled out his cellphone and showed it to the couple. "That sounds lovely." Deroy replied "Let's just make it quick." Time turner said with a bit of a paranoid voice. Deadpool teleported in between the two on his knees. "SELFIE!!!" A picture was taken with Derpy doing her cute smile while Time Turner was doing the exact opposite. "Sweet!" "Here's your bits and muffins." Derpy said in a muffled voice, holding another brown bag in her mouth, but in one of her front hooves, was a small pile of bits. "Thanks!" Deadpool walked to the front door. He stopped and gave a weird symbol with his hands. "Live long and prosper." "Tell my children you meet us!" "Will do... eventually!!!" Deadpool quickly opened the door, exited, and closed the door. Time turner stood there a bit. "Derpy." Time Turner said. "Yes dear?" Derpy asked "Get the T.A.R.D.I.S. ready." Not so annoying here. Dragon #1: SpikeUnaware of the couple, Deadpool was still at their door with his ear on their door, listening to what they're saying. OH S**T!!! IT'S DOCTOR WHO!!! Do you know anything of that? Yeah I do!!! It's a british Bill & Ted knockoff. Ugh! Dumb***, it existed before Bill & Ted; it was made in 1963. Wait, really? Yes. Then... that means... MY GOD!!! THE ILLUMINATI IS BEHIND THIS!!! N***A!!! "Hello?" a voice asked. Deadpool screamed like a woman, causing him to trip and fall into the bushes next to the house. He looked up and saw Twilight had snuck up on him. "Oh! I'm so sorry Deadpool. How were the Hooves family?" "Splendid." He replied, trying not to be so surprised "Why were you sneaking around their house then? You know what they're like, right?" Tell her about the Illuminati!!! SHUT THE F**K UP WITH THE ILLUMINATI BULLS**T!!! "Are we done yet?" a young boyish sounding voice asked "Almost. Spike, meet Deadpool. Deadpool, Spike." Deadpool turned his head down more forward and saw the purple with green scaled baby dragon. "Hello Mr. Deadpool, I'm Spike, the-" "DRAGON!!!" Deadpool yelled. He teleported in a puff of smoke and football kicked the dragon, sending him past a napping Rainbow Dash on a cloud, and half way across Ponyville. "DEADPOOL!!!" Twilight yelled angrily "SPIKE ISN'T DANGEROUS!!!" "I know," Deadpool replied "he was annoying." "...WHAT!?!?!?" "LET'S GET HIM!!! (I need to see how far he went though)" Deadpool teleported away, following the airborne Spike. He stopped and landed on one of the roofs, seeing a black dot in the sky that was Spike. "Where will he land?" Well, by the looks of your kick and force, you kicked him up in the air at a near perfect 75 degrees with perhaps- "English, dude!" Alright. He'll land in the market area. I suggest you keep listening to- Nah!!! Let's just catch him like the football he is!!! "Great idea myself!!!" He teleported into the market, ironically, next to a football stand. The screams of Spike falling became louder and louder by the second. "Can I borrow this stuff for a sec? I gotta save a Dragon's life." "Sure." a tan colored stallion replied. Deadpool put on the torso and helmet on. Deadpool prepared himself, as Spike was falling right to him!!! He felt the force of the small dragon hitting his chest, causing him to roll in circles across the floor a bit, but landed on his feet, with an unconscious Spike in his arms. "WOO!!! YEAH!!! TOUCHDOWN!!! IGN: 10 OUT OF 10!!! SUCK IT LOGAN!!!" He stopped and saw the crowd stare at him awkwardly. "uh... hoofball." All the stallions cheered with him at the mention of Equestria's form of American Football. Spike began to groan a bit. "What happened?" the dragon asked "Spike!" Deadpool yelled, acting like a father "How many times did Twilight tell you that you can't fly!!! I know it sucks, but you gotta deal with it." "Why are you in Hoofball gear?" "I saved your life!" "Oh... Really!?!?!?" "I did indeed!!! No need to thank me!!!" "WOW!!! You're like... A Superhero!!! "That's what I am." "REALLY!?!?!? Can we... hang out?" "Aren't we doing that already?" "OH! You're right! Hey, I now a place where we can hang out at. Follow me!" "Alright, just let me return this Hoofball equipment I borrowed to save your life." "Alright, let's make it quick, come on!!!" After a quick drop off of the Hoofball equipment, the duo went to Ponyville's park. Many mares and stallions were there, some having a picnic, others on dates, and a couple just hanging out together as friends. There's no doubt that some of the ponies stared at Deadpool with Spike, who sat down at a random bench. Deadpool pulled out the bag Derpy gave him and pulled out some muffins for the two to share. Spike enjoyed his muffin (a delicious chocolate chip) but watched Deadpool lift the bottom of his mask to eat his. Spike stared at the very messed up looking jaw. Deadpool looked back and saw the dragon staring at him. "Eat your Veggies and you won't get this." Deadpool simply stated before taking his first bite (banana nut flavor). Spike didn't respond, but was mentally scarred for life; Eat his veggies or be ugly like Deadpool, now that was a bit disturbing. "So... beautiful day we're having." Spike simply said, not trying to acknowledge Deadpool's scarred bottom lips. "It is." "How long have you been here?" "This is my second day." "Oh... You meet Twilight and her friends?" "Yep." "How were they?" "Fluttershy made me 'Dawwed' a bit, Twilight was a complete nerd, Rainbow Dash kicked me a**, Applejack helped me get my finger flipping arm back, Pinkie Pie & I had a great time, and Rarity made me a bad*** suit." "Oh... meet any pony else." "Well, Lyra summoned me, which is why I'm here. There was that DJ, Vinyl Scratch, from Last night. She's pretty cool to hang out with, I guess. then I meet Princess Mooncheeks." "Mooncheeks?" "Sorry, I mean Princess Luna." "PRINCESS LUNA!?!?!?!? You meet Princess Luna in your dream!?!?!?" "Yeah. As I was saying, she-" "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! She usually appears to foals in dreams, but with you, THAT'S AN HONOR AMONG HONORS!!!" "...really?" "Yeah!!! What did she tell you? What is your mission?" "Well... she told me to-" "SPIKE!!!" Twilight's voice yelled. Deadpool jumped a bit and put his mask back on. Twilight ran and grabbed Spike, snuggling him like how Fluttershy did to Deadpool's head. She turned his attention and gave Deadpool a death stare. "Twilight!" Spike yelled "You won't believe it!" "I would. Deadpool kicking you to the town market? That's just messed up." "What? No, Luna came into his dream." "Wait... Princess Luna!?!?!?" "Yeah!" "Princess Luna, the princess of the night AND dream master, went into Deadpool's dream." "That's what he said." "It's true." Deadpool acknowledged. "Oh," Twilight said, not believing him "And what did Princess Luna told you?" "That I have to take a selfie with everypony." "...a selfie... with... everypony?" "That's what she said." "Right... I'll send in a letter to Luna and see if what you're telling is the truth." "Go ahead." "You're... serious?" "Go right ahead." The two stared at each other a bit. "Fine! I guess you're telling the truth." "SWEET!!!" "Quick question." Spike began. "yes?" "Did you really kick me?" "yes." "wow... how high did I go?" "R. Kelly would've been proud." "I... don't get it." "Doesn't matter. Let's capture this GOOD memory together, what do you say?" "Uh... sure." Deadpool picked up the dragon in one of his arms. "SELFIE!!!" a Picture was snapped. Deadpool looked up at his phone: 13% was left "AW C***!!! Where can I go to recharge my phone!?!?!? Author's Note DAMN YOU APPLE!!! Where should Deadpool go and who will he meet next? Satan appears. Only Draconequus: Discord."Deadpool!" A more kindly voice yelled for him. Deadpool turned around and saw Fluttershy running towards him. Fluttershy stopped near his feet. "I was looking for you! "What's wrong?" Deadpool asked "Nothing's wrong. I was looking for you to introduce one of my other friends." "Let me take a guess here: Angel?" Fluttershy nodded her head in a 'no' way "Harry?" another nod "The Cutie Mark Crusaders?" "You're actually close." "... hold up... I think I got it... BABS!!!" "OH FOR GOODNESS SAKES!!!" A voice boomed. The clouds darkened the sky, lightning stuck near Deadpool's feet, and a figure rose from his shadow. It looked like Deadpool's shadow stood up in front of him, but an antler, a horn, a muzzle with a large tooth sticking out, with a tail, and growing to be about 8 feet high!!! "Oh! Discord!!!" How is he a Cutie Mark Crusader? I think the comics are canon in this world as well. oh... think other famous O.C.s like Fluffle Puff can be here? And make our quest longer? I hope not. JINXED!!! "Discord," fluttershy squeaked "was the introduction necessary?" "A lot of things with me are necessary!" Discord replied while slithering around Deadpool, nearly constricting him like a snake "First impressions count as they say." "Indeed." Deadpool replied, teleporting out of the constrictor and sitting on the bench in a relaxed position "Name's Deadpool, 'Merc with a Mouth' back where I come from, 'the guys that made the infamous Cupcakes' on the internet, and 'El Pollo Loco' in Mexico." Discord teleported next to him, also in a relaxed sitting position. "Well then, I take it my introductions aren't needed at all, am I right?" "Why yes, my fair good sir." "Oh my! You are a gentleman to a gentle man!" "Did you really have to bring Discord along?" Twilight asked "Well," Fluttershy replied "He was curious about last night. He said that he was in one of the trees, watching Deadpool and Vinyl battling each other." "wait, how come nopony saw him?" "No, he was IN the tree." "Oh!!! That makes sense." They heard Discord snap and a loud CRUNCH. Turning their heads, they saw a massive piles of tacos!!! Deadpool popped out of the pile, followed by Discord, but both were busy stuffing their faces with the tacos around them. "OH MAN!!!" Deadpool said with a mouthful in his mouth and tears coming out of his eyes "THIS IS THE MOST MAGICAL MOMENT IN MY LIFE!!!" "I know what'll be better!" Discord yelled "What!?!?!?" "GIANT TACO MONSTERS!!!" "*Gasp*!!! WITH US HAVING WEAPONS!?!?!?" "AND FLUTTERSHY & HER FRIENDS FORMING A GIANT ROBOT TOGETHER!?!?!!?" "DIRECTED BY MICHEAL BAY!?!?!?" "AND WE'RE NOW WOMEN!!!" The two yelled together. "I'm scared now." Spike commented. Discord snapper his finger: the Human and Draconequus, in a puff of smoke, were now women, as Discord, being a female Draconequus, had much lighter colors, a more delicate shaped muzzle, & long, white hair while Deadpool had a long ponytail coming out of the back of his/her mask, wasn't as muscular, but had, to make up for it, size F-G... boobs. Fluttershy, Twilight, and Spike stared at the two gender swapped people. Oh...my... God... LOOK AT OUR KNOCKERS!!! I hate to admit it, but this a dream FINALLY FULFILLED!!! "Just look at how fab we are!" Deadpool said in a much sexier voice, female voice. "I agree." the female Discord replied. "I think we've just out-fabulized Rarity!!!" "I hate to see her face with us!!!" The sky began to darken, and, while looking up, they saw UFO's in the sky with what appears to be the Taco Bell Logo on each ship. "Alright ladies," another human male enter, with a sort of leather looking face, medium sized curly hair, and in a suit. "Here's the deal: these are Alien Taco creatures I was going to use in the Ninja Turtles film earlier, but I then placed it in here: Dora the Explorer!!!" "DORA THE EXPLORER!!!" Fem-Pool yelled "B***H!!! YOU ALREADY DESTROYED TRANSFORMERS AND TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!!! IS YOUR TYRANNY NEVER GONNA END!?!?!?" "Hey, the other chick brought me here to make this film. Put these on." Michael Bay there them skin tight jumpsuits with what appears to be military looking, sponsoring Pepsi, and complete with Boobie shaped machine guns with the American Flag painted on it. "You know I joked about bringing him in, right?" "I actually didn't." Fem-Cord replied "And," the evil director said "to make this all better, I've place land mines everywhere, the taco monsters are filled with TNT while operated by some Japanese babies in Tokyo that they made about a week ago, and we'll edit this to be my favorite afternoon shot." "You're a monster!" Fem-Pool yelled "Oh, and here's what you'll battle with when not using my specially made machine guns." He handed them what looked like spears, but repainted to look like, what else, the American flag, but with a brand by Busweiser on it. "Now... ACTION!!!" The two fem fatals charged at the alien taco monsters coming down from the sponsored by Taco Bell UFO's in slow motion. Due to how terribly stupid this is, we will skip this whole segment, as it contains nothing but mindless action, racist and stupid dialogue, ECT. But, all the ponies in Equestira could see was this: A super masculine male and a super hot but dumb woman wearing military looking outfits on top of a new car, waving around their own American Flag around with, upon closer inspection, has every single mega corporation brand in it, followed by some airplanes flying right behind them, leaving behind explosions that form the pattern of Uncle Sam impaling every single country's leader with an American flag as he rides on a soaring Eagle that, in it's talons, has both an elephant and a Donkey, all happening while in an almost never ending sunset. At least... that's the best interpretation anypony could say. Deadpool and Discord, both tired out and beaten while on top of a mountain of Taco monster corpses that are slowly dissolving to Mountain Dew, take their breaths. Satan (Michael Bay if you don't know) came up to them and slowly applauded. "That was the best thing I've seen." He said "And for that, here's your check." He handed out a check for the two. Fem-Pool and Fem-Cord got up and took their check, looking at it. "WHAT!?!?!?" The two yelled "20 DOLLARS!?!?!?" "Oh come on, that's at least, I don't know, a couple hundred here. Perhaps I could make a movie off this Franchise... yeah... My Little Pony: Friendship is Manly." "THAT'S ALREADY A VIDEO!!!" Fem-Pool yelled "Shall I get rid of him?" Fem-Cord asked "Yeah... but first." Fem-Pool pulled out a stylized purse with the Canadian flag on it. "OOH! Let me join!!!" Fem-Cord pulled out her purse with what looked like it was made from Cotton Candy. The two knocked Michael Bay down to the ground and began to hit him with it, surprised to see how he cowered so easily, begging not to be hurt while the song "Whoop that Trick" played. After nearly a full two minutes, Michael was now unconscious from the purse beating. "Shall I?" Fem-Cord asked "Do it." Fem-Pool replied. Fem cord snapped her fingers, sending the evil dictator back to his homeland, but in a new area... A Palestinian Territory!!! "Oh no!" "'Oh no'? Oh no what?" "My spell won't last long. We'll soon be men again!" "Oh... it was... fun... at least." "The taco army?" "NO! Beating up the single most Evil man in all worlds!!! Look, how about... we do something that'll be much better?" "Like what?" "Oh, just wait and see!" A few minutes later: Fem-Cord made a stage for everypony to see. Fem-Cord and Fem-Pool hid behind the curtain. Fem-Pool had a red dress on with a long, yellow wig on her head while Fem-Cord had a green dress on with a, though shorter than Fem-pool's, long brown wig on her head. "You know," Fem-Cord began "after this song, we're going straight back, right?" "Yeah," Fem-Pool replied, pulling out her phone. "say... want to take a selfie while we're so fabulous!" "Oh yes!" "Yeah... this may be my last selfie... forever." "Why?" "Only have... 2% left." "Well let me do this!" Fem-Cord snapped her eagle claw. The phone glowed a bit and, in a puff of smoke, a weird device was on it's back. "Ta-Da!!! Now it's both Solar AND Lunar powered!!!" "This... is AMAZING!!!" "No need to thank me. Let's take that Selfie!!!" "Alright!!!" Both got into their picture, making a... duckface (Though Fem-Cord made their lips actually duckbills for this, before going back instantaneously.). the curtains opened, and everyone saw the two fabulous women inside. "Is that Discord and Deadpool?" Rarity asked "Sadly," Twilight replied "they are." "They're... so... FABULOUS!!!" Music began to play. "♫ You can dance!♫" the two sang "you can jive!!! Having the time of your life!!! Ohhh, See that girl! Watch that scene! Diggin' the Dancing Queen!♫" Author's Note If any of you don't know, I am born in America and, I won't lie, I am a bit prideful of where I live, but I REALLY DO find Michael Bay to be frustrating at times. Need proof? Nostalgia Critic, fill 'em in. And the song is Dancing Queen. Inspired from this: But, enough of that. Who should Deadpool meet next? Ptthpptthpptthpptthp. Pony #12: Fluffle Puff.Author's Note Fluffle Puff... if you're reading this... You're Awesome!!! If you don't know Fluffle Puff, here you go: http://askflufflepuff.tumblr.com Who should Deadpool meet next? Ptthpptthpptthpptthp. Pony #12: Fluffle Puff. The Mane 6 stood at a nearly frozen in place Deadpool. He was now his male self, but he seemed to be frozen in place, still holding his microphone with one of his hand's fingers pointing out to the crowd while singing Abba's 'Dancing Queen'. "How long has he been standing like that?" Rainbow Dash asked "Almost an entire week." Twilight replied "Is he dead!?!?!?" Fluttershy asked with fear "Highly doubt that." Rarity commented. "How in the hay is he doing that?" Applejack asked "I'm not impressed." Pinkie said. Everyone turned and gave Pinkie an awkward stare. Suddenly, they heard a single sound that, if not mistaken, was a fart. Deadpool finally broke out of his frozen state and fell to the floor, laughing hard. "OH MAN!!!" He yelled while laughing, having a tear fall down his face "I haven't heard a fart joke like THAT in a long time!!! Who Farted!?!?!?" They all looked at each other to see who let out some gas. "HEY!!!" Twilight yelled "Who's grabbing my tail!?!?!?" They all turned and saw something... poofy. It was light pink all over, had blue eyes, was round like a cotton ball, but was, as mentioned, so poofy that no one could see if it had legs or not. "Who is that?" Rarity asked. Deadpool teleported in front of the living cotton ball. "YOU!!!" He yelled. The fluffily pony just sticked her tongue out with a little 'Pfft'. "You know her?" Applejack asked "Know her? She's been taking the internet by storm!!! She's just as popular as me!!! She is... FLUFFLE PUFF!!!" Fluffle Puff's mouth opened with a smile, followed by a gasp. HA!!! LIKE I SAID: JINXED!!! Shut up!!! "You have a history with her?" Dashie asked "...No. I've always wanted to meet her though." "Can you tell us about her?" Fluttershy asked "She seems so... interesting." "There's many things about her: for one, she doesn't talk... AT ALL!!! She does raspberries all the time, with the occasional gasp, laugh, and scream. She lives with a human named Dan, worships 'The Marker' from the Dead Space games, is light enough to be carried by butterflies yet is heavier than anvils, is best friends with Queen Chrysaliss... and loves tacos." "Pfftpfftpfftpfftpftpffttpfftp." Fluffle puff 'spoke' "Oh yeah. I almost forgot about that: Her fur is so deep, different dimensions are in there." "Hold on," Pinkie said "You can translate what she said?" "...Yeah." "SWEET!!! I thought I was the only one that can translate spotty language. "Pfftpfftpfftpfftpftpft." Said the fluff "Is that why you're here?" Deadpool asked. Fluffle Puff nodded her head. "Care to explain more?" "Pfftpfftpfftpffftpfftpffffftpffftpffffftpfft." "Really? I have to do that?" "Pfftpfftpftpffftpffftpftpfffftpft." "This whole thing is a fanfic story!?!?!?" "pfftpftpffftpfffftpffftpfffffftpfftpft." "People Comment who I should meet next?" "pfftpfftpfffftpftpffft." "Really? I have to advertise for this guy that's a cart pusher at Walmart in Buckeye?" "Pft." "Ugh... fine." Deadpool got up. "To all the ladies and gentlemen reading this story. Please, check out Fluffle Puff's stuff on her blog in Tumblr and help her out financially, so you can get more stuff. For Mr. Aquino, please, check out 'The O.C. story', the only story that is finished that stars him and his friends. For some other ridiculousness, check out his other, still working on story, 'The Mares in Black', which has Lyra, Bon Bon, Luna, and Derpy. Thank you all and Happy holidays." The mane 6 stared at him awkwardly. "Who is he talking to?" Dashie asked "The people at home!" Pinkie replied "pfftpfftpffftpfftpfftpftpffftpfffftpft."Fluffle puff 'spoke'. "WHAT!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled "Everyone back home doesn't care that I'm gone!?!?!?" "pfftpftpfffftpftpffffftpftpffftpft." "I have to meet that character now!?!?!?" "Pft." "Ugh... fine. Hold on, are there more O.C.s like you?" "Pft." "Hmm... interesting. I hope that with that done, care to take a selfie?" Fluffle released a gasp with a smile. Deadpool picked up fluffle and the two took a selfie together!!! "Oh s**t." He simply said. Fluffle became heavy to him. He landed on his back with fluffle landing on his chest. She felt like a bunch of anvils on him, but due to her softness, he didn't really care that much. "Do you need help?" Twilight asked "Nah. I'm good." The Reason this story now has 'Gore' in it. Only Centaur: Tirek."So..." Twilight asked "What did... Fluffle Puff, say, exactly?" "That?" Deadpool responded "Most of it, you don't need to know. She told me, however, is that Tirek is on a rampage in Canterlot." "...Lord Tirek?" Rainbow Dash asked "DEADPOOL!!!" Twilight yelled "THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!!" "I'm not joking this time!!!" Deadpool replied "Tirek is back!!! She told me so!" "How in the hay is he back!?!?!?" Applejack asked "Ah thought we sent him back to that Tartarus place?" "Pfftpfftpftpffftpftpffffftpfftpft." Fluffle Puff answered "YOU WHAT!?!?!?" Pinkie yelled in complete shock "AND HE USED HIS MAGIC TO HELP YOU OUT!!!" Deadpool yelled, teleporting out from under the pink fluff, standing next to Pinkie, also in shock. "Discord!?!?!?" Fluttershy asked in shock "Oh no, not him. It was someone else." "Who!?!?!?" The five out of the mane 6 asked "We'll find out later when this progresses." Pinkie replied. "pfftpftpffftpftpftpffftpfftpfffftpft." Fluffle Puff said "Wait... Really?" Deadpool asked in an intrigued voice "You have it with you?" "Pft." "SWEET MOTHER OF CELESTIA!!!" Deadpool jumped inside Fluffle Puff's fur & disappeared. Everyone outside could only hear his muffled voice, shouting with joy!!! A puff os red smoke came, and Deadpool came out, equipped with a lot of weapons that aren't from Equestria!!! "THANK YOU DAN FROM DAN VS.!!!" "WHAT ARE THOSE!?!?!?" Rarity asked at all of the weapons on him. "These? Why my lovely Rarity, these are my babies!" "Wait, who's the mommy?" Pinkie asked in pure confusion. Deadpool looked at her with a 'seriously?' look. "Not literal babies. These, are my favorite things in life: Twin blade Katanas, Twin 9 millimeter pistols with twin uzis, automatic shotgun, tactical ordinance grenades, bear traps, along with other stuff like rubber chickens, lions and tigers and bears, OH MY!!! All of this is going to be used to take down Tirek!!!" "All... by your own?" Twilight asked "Well no s**t, Sherlock." "HEY!!! I battled Tirek with Celestia's, Luna's, and Cadence's magic COMBINED!!! He's dangerous!!! How will you beat him!?!?!?" "Easy: I'm Dead- Mother F***in'- Pool!!!" He disappeared in a puff of red smoke. Everyone stood around, wondering if he really left or not. A door opened. Everoyne turned and saw Deadpool leaving a costume shop, whistling a tune. He stopped and turned to them: they all gave him a death stare. "Uh... I'll be going." Another puff of red smoke. *** In the middle of the busy stress of Canterlot, a large, tall, and muscular red & black centaur was destroying all of the city, devouring all of the citizen's magic, growing about as tall as the buildings that surrounded him!!! "Yes!!!" He yelled "I should thank that one strange pony for letting me free and that puff ball for making me strong!!! Princess Celestia!!! Today is your end!!! The age of Tirek has begun... AGAIN!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" "Yes," a voice from below said "'muahaha' indeed. What is it with you villains and world domination? Can you do anything like, oh I don't know, just cause chaos?" "Who's there!?!?!? SHOW YOURSELF!!!" Out from a corner of a destroyed building, a trance, bipedal creature came out. Tirek could see that is had red boots & gloves with some black on it, but covering the rest of him was in an outfit that residents in Appleoosa would wear, also having a weird, brown cape/scarf mix around his neck with a brimmed hat covering it's face. "You came to the wrong part of Equestria, Partner. Give up now and you will live... maybe... how much would they pay me if I killed you?" "Who are you?" The figure lifted it's head up, revealing his face: it had on a red mask with black blotches surrounding it's white eyes. "I'm the man with no name. Wade Wilson's the name, Deadpool to everyone else, and to you, it'll be 'NO!!! NOT THE SWORDS!!!'." "HA!!! A small creature like you, defeating something as grand as me!?!?!? HA!!! How Laughable!!!" "Those were the same exact words I said to cancer... and then I died... but I didn't... because I'm here... and... oh, F**K THIS SPEECH!!! FIGHT!!!" Deadpool took out two swords from his back and began to charge at Tirek. Tirek stood there and smirked a bit, finding it funny that someone so small to him is trying to fight back. His horn casted it's glowing orb in between, which was casted around Deadpool "OH S**T!!! I FORGOT ABOUT THIS MOVE!!!" Tirek simply threw Deadpool into an untouched building, in which he went through like a bullet through multiple buildings. "Pathetic creature." He turned around and began to walk to the castle. "HEY!!!" Tirek stopped in place and turned. Deadpool stood back where he was originally at, but having a lot of blood coming down from his body and his cowboy suit was ripped apart. "A**HOLE!!! DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH I PAID FOR THIS!?!?!? 75 BITS!!! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT 75 BITS IS TO AMERICAN CASH, BUT I'M GUESSING, IT'S A F**K LOAD OF CASH!!!" "You're... still alive!?!?!? AND HERE!?!?!?" "Uh... yeah!" A puff of red smoke, and Deadpool was on one of Tirek's horns. "I can do multiple things that YOU can't do. Such as, surviving this encounter. FLASH GRENADE!!!" Deadpool jumped off the giant centaur's head and threw a grenade at Tirek's eyes, blinding the centaur. He landed on the floor and pulled out his uzis!!! "Alright guys, aid me in defeating this n***a!!!" Well, the first thing would be is to avoid using the 'N' word. But all we gotta do is keep shooting him until he's down... in the ground!!! "I LOVE YOUR STYLE!!!" Deadpool yelled to himself. He pulled the triggers to both guns and began to fire waves of bullets at Tirek!!! Tirek felt a bunch of sharp, metal objects piercing his skin, and lifted his hand in front of his face to protect it. His sight came back and saw Deadpool walking towards him while firing his guns. The guns stopped firing and Deadpool looked at his guns. Tirek rose his right arm and began to punch at Deadpool!!! Wade jumped put of the way and Tirek's fist got stuck in the floor!!! Wade quickly put away uzis, pulled out one of swords and the automatic shotgun. He jumped onto the trapped arm, stabbing Tirek with the sword. He ran up the arm, leaving a large cut in the arm, and he used the automatic shotgun to shoot Tirek at his face!!! Tirek, again, covered his face to protect it, but felt the massive pain as Deadpool ran up his trapped arm and the bullets piercing the palm of his hand. Deadpool put away the shotgun and pulled out the other sword, quickly jumping in the air, pulling the other sword, and began to twirl in a circle swinging the swords along with it. He landed on Tirek's back, and stabbed his back, running to the tail area. Tirek turned around and tried to use his magic to grab onto Deadpool again, but felt a large migraine!!! He looked up and saw one of his horns came right clean off!!! Deadpool jumped off Tirek from his... butt... and, using his swords, chopped off Tirek's tail!!! "Missing Something?" Deadpool mocked, holding both Tirek's chopped off horn and tail!!! "I'LL KILL YOU!!!" Tirek yelled, pulling out the arm trapped in the floor!!! He quickly turned around and, using both fists, slammed Deadpool into the floor!!! He did this for about a few minutes, before seeing Deadpool as a red splatter on the floor!!! He took deep breaths, satisfied in his victory. He turned around, a bit weak, but still having enough strength to take over the castle. "SLAP THAT A** MOTHA F***A!!!" Tirek stopped as he felt a slap on his plot area, followed by a piercing. He fell to the floor, as a loud 'BANG!!!' was heard, followed by piercing pain in the bottom of his black legs!!! He dragged himself with his two front legs, looking around to see if Deadpool was still around. He saw Deadpool walking in front of him, whistling out a tune. For the first time, next to going back to Tartarus, was complete fear!!! "How!?!?!? HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE!?!?!?" "It's elementary, my dear stupid mother f***er: Quick healing Factor. I win, no matter what." "WHAT... ARE YOU!?!?!?" "A Mutate where I'm from, a god in the internet, and now, your unaliver." He pulled out his swords. "NO!!! NOT THE SWORDS!!!" Deadpool jumped at Tirek's face and sliced!!! Silence came between the two. Tirek's head slowly looked down, then came off!!! A large beam of light came from the neck of the decapitated body of Tirek, as all the ponies' that had their magic removed, regained their cutie marks!!! Deadpool picked up the head of Tirek. "Told you. If you watched the episode of Death Battle, starring me, then you'd make the right decision to give up and wouldn't be in my hands! Selfie!!!" He pulled out his phone and held the head next to his. "Say 'DECAPITATION!!!'...Decapitation!!!" He took the picture. The ponies around slowly approached to him, having a mix feeling of both fear and thankfulness. I believe they're now frightened of us. We can rule them as Gods... Angry Gods!!! Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next? Must... not... mention... BANANAS!!! Pony # 13: Princess Celestia"WHO DID THEIR HEINOUS ACT!?!?!?" a female voice with authority in it's tone yelled OH S**T!!! HIDE!!! Deadpool looked everywhere, finding a place to hide in. He saw only a bush and jumped into it! He looked outside the leaves and saw a bunch of ponies in golden armor, walking towards the corpse of Tirek. One of the ponies stood out, as she stood much taller than every other pony, was whiter than snow, mane was moving on it's own with green, blue, & pink stripes, and had both a long horn of a unicorn & the wings of a pegasus. He heard galloping from other ponies, but then skidding as they stopped. Deadpool knew that this was the Mane 6 and Fluffle Puff. "OH SWEET CELESTIA!!!" Twilight yelled "WHAT DID DEADPOOL DO!?!?!?" "It's so... BARBARIC!!!" Rarity commented "Pftpffftpftpfffftpftpffftpftpfft." Fluffle Puff spoke "You said it Fluffle," Pinkie said "I also didn't think Deadpool could beat him, let alone, UNALIVE HIM!!!" "Unalive?" Rainbow Dash asked "What the hay?" Applejack asked "I think you mean... UGH... I don't even want to say it." "Where is this 'Deadpool' you spoke of, Twilight?" The tall pony asked "Please Princess," Twilight responded "We... have no idea where he went. He's... hard to catch sometimes." I think we need to find our way out of here. "Got it." Deadpool whispered to himself. "Let's take this bush with us, though." Deadpool reached for the roots of the bush and yanked the whole plant out!!! He stopped as everyone turned around, hearing something being ripped from the ground. They went back to their usual conversations, talking about how this was something they never saw Deadpool doing. Deadpool began to walk around the crowd slowly, trying not to look like a bush was walking around among them. ---2 Hours Later--- Deadpool was now a couple of yards from his battle area and saw no one was around him. "FINALLY!!!" He yelled, taking off the bush "Now to find a way out of here!!!" "I don't think so." a familiar voice said. Deadpool stopped and froze in fear. He turned around and looked up, seeing the tall, white pegasus-unicorn mix. She looked down at him with a face of great anger!!! Many marching was heard behind her, as hundreds of other ponies in matching golden armor surrounded them, pointing their spears at him!!! Deadpool looked everywhere, finding a way to see if he could get out of here!!! "CELESTIA!!!" Twilight's voice yelled from behind the guards. "Hold on! Let him explain his actions!!!" "Please!!!" Futtershy begged "He's our friend!!!" "Friend?" Celestia asked "You call this murderer a friend!?" "Same way as how Discord is their friend." Deadpool simply commented. Celestia's eyes opened wide, her pupils shrunk, and one of her eyes twitched. "Was it something I said?" "Shall we, princess?" A lone guard asked "Eh, go ahead, I'll just laugh." "We only take orders from the Princess!!!" another guard yelled. Deadpool stared at that guard. He took his hand out and swiped his spear away! All the guards pointed their spears at Deadpool, slowly walking to Deadpool. "Hey! Watch this!!!" Deadpool took the point of the spear and stabbed himself in the eye!!! "AHH!!! MY EYE!!! MY EYE!!!" All the guards backed off, all with disgusted and shocked faces. Deadpool took the spear out, laughing manically, as his eyeball sticked onto the spear!!! He grabbed the eyeball and placed it back into it's socket! In a matter of seconds, not only did the bleeding stop, but his eye was filly healed and he was back to normal. Some of the guards dropped their spears, puffed up their cheeks, and ran away, most likely going to hurl, while the rest backed off with complete shocked expressions. "TA DA!!!" "That was... horrifying." Rarity commented "You remind me a lot about two specific characters." Celestia commented "Pinkie Pie and Discord?" Deadpool asked, teleporting next to Princess Celestia. The guards walked forward, holding their spears next to him. "Stand down, guards." The guards listened, lowering their spears and stood in an upright position. "Deadpool, is it alright if you explain yourself and why you did that... heinous act?" "Explaining myself would take a long time. My action, however, I'm going to need help with that." He teleported away and reappeared in front of Celestia, holding Twilight in his arms as if she were a baby. "The reason I did it was as easy as one thing: Avenging Twilight's lost!!!" "My... lost?" Twilight asked "I saw your battle with Tirek: I originally hated that d****ebag named 'Flash Sentry' (You know I love you), but he never destroyed your home! Your home... the books... everything... DESTROYED!!! I knew that, one day, when I was somehow summoned here, the first person I wanted to kill was him: Lord Tirek!!!" "...I'm not sure whether to be flattered or creeped out." "Don't worry, I haven't done in this in about... a week ago." "A week ago!?!?!?" She was immediately dropped from Deadpool, as some music came right behind him and he began to dance a weird dance. "♫About a week ago!!! F**k with us and we tweaking h*e!!! Run up on that n***a and we squeezing h*e!!!♫" Celestia watched this and actually giggled "You ARE a lot like Discord and Pinkie." She said, trying to hold back her giggles. "Oh... stop it! Care to take a selfie?" "Is that dangerous?" "It actually isn't," Twilight responded "We've all done it." "Oh..in that case, Let's do it!!!" Deadpool teleported next to Celestia, having one of his hands around the princess and the other holding the cell phone. "SAY... CAKE!!!" Deadpool yelled "Cake!!!" The pic was taken. "That was... simple. I will pardon your act, but in return, you must not do kill anything with the exception of... some other...characters." "Oh... you're no fun." "Rules are rules." "Yeah yeah... Princess?" "Yes, Deadpool?" "One Question: How come Luna didn't tell you about me?" Celestia's smile went away and one of her eyes twitched "LUNA!!!" Author's Note No Sunbutt joke? Stange! Isn't it!!! Who should Deadpool meet next? Bella Notte. Pony # 14 and 15: Princess Cadence and Shining Armor."But what are we gonna do to get outta here?" Applejack asked "Hold on," Princess Celestia said "I feel a familiar magic not too far from here." "I feel it as well." Princess Luna added "So can I!" Twilight said as well "I feel magic everywhere." Deadpool added. The princesses all stared at the human. "Of course, that's back home. I have no idea what the f**k you're all talking about." "Well then," Celestia said "Everypony, hold on to each other, I know where we're going." "You and Twilight's friends will do that." Luna said "I will return to the castle to make sure nothing is ruined." "You think you can handle that?" Rarity asked "Yes. I need to make sure all the citizens are safe. Plus, if I hear Deadpool's remark on calling me 'Mooncheeks' one more time, I will lose it." Deadpool teleported next to Luna. "Mooncheeks." He whispered. Luna growled at him before her horn glowed. She teleported away in a flash of blue light. "Alright then," Celestia said "Everyone, together now." Celestia's horn began to The mane 6 got into a single row, but Deadpool teleported onto their backs in a relaxed position. In a yellow flash, they found themselves out of the forest and into a city block. Everything around them was made out of crystals, including a group of small foals that ran by them. OH!!! The Crystal Empire!!! What do you think she meant by 'powerful magic'? ...Tijuana WHAT THE-? WHERE DID YOU GET THAT FROM? "Princess Celestia!!!" A recognizable voice yelled with plenty of glee. "Twilight!!!" "Cadence!!!" Twilight yelled. She ran away, causing Deadpool's legs to droop. The rest of her friends got the same idea and shook Deadpool off, making him land on the floor. Deadpool looked and saw Twilight running up towards a pink alicorn with long, swirled up mane that had stripes of yellow, a darker shade of pink, and purple in it. She wore a crown, medal, and boots made of gold. The two mares approached to each other and did their stupid dance. "♫ Sunshine, Sunshine, Ladybugs awake!!! Clap your hooves and-♫" "♫ DO THE HARLEM SHAKE!!!♫" Deadpool interrupted, pulling out a boombox out of nowhere and pressing the play button. Some music began and he fell to the floor, doing some weird dance that made him look like he was having a seizure. Pinkie joined with him, doing the erratic dance moves with him. Fluttershy walked to the boombox and, with her muzzle, pressed the 'stop' button. The two stopped and looked up. "I think we should save that for another time." Fluttershy said. "...Fine." Deadpool said. He teleported back to his feet. "Twilight?" Cadence asked "Who is this and what is he?" "Oh yeah," Twilight said "Cadence, meet Deadpool." "Deadpool? You mean as in THE Deadpool that was able to single hoofingly KILL Lord Tirek!?!?!?" "That's me!!!" Deadpool replied, taking pride from it. Cadnece stared at him and shivered with fear: if Deadpool could kill Tirek so easily, how would he be like while dealing with her? "Do not worry," Celestia said, reassuring the other princess "He means us no harm. He states that he did that to Tirek because he was avenging Twilight's destroyed home. A bit admirable, might I say." "Really?" Cadence asked "Well then." She walked up to Deadpool, a bit shaken on what he did, but still confident enough to know he wouldn't hurt her. "Greetings Deadpool, my name is-" "Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, or Cadence, as you prefer." Deadpool interrupted. She stopped and one her eyes began to twitch. "I've heard about how you and your husband, not only saved Canterlot from Queen Chrysaliss & her Changelings, but how you both saved Spike from doom with the crystal heart and saved the Crystal Empire from King Sombra." "How... did you-?" "He does that a lot." Fluttershy said "But of course," Deadpool continued "you used to be Twilight's foal sitter, and your future husband was part of a rock band before he joined the military.It's quite strange, might I say." "Really?" Cadence asked "What about you? What's your backstory?" "With me? Well... it's... uh-" "He doesn't really like talking about it." Rarity said "And believe me, he told us everything!" "I never thought I'd cried that hard." Rainbow Dash said, drooping her head while holding back a tear. "I never thought she cried at all!" Pinkie exclaimed, holding Dashie into her front legs. Cadence looked back at Deadpool "Well," she continued "I welcome you, fare Deadpool, to the Crystal Empire. Hopefully, my husband is done coaching the Crystal Empire team so we can-" "On it." Deadpool interrupted. He teleported away, leaving a red mist that went away shortly. "Wait: He can TELEPORT!?!?!?" "He sure can." Twilight said "I thought only unicorns and Alicorns can do that!?!?!?" "I also thought of that." Deadpool teleported to a stage, circling around a field where a bunch of crystal ponies were training hard. A white unicorn with a blue & light blue stripped, more natural horse mane, blew into his whistle. "C'mon Guys!!!" The unicorn yelled in a commanding voice "The summer Equestrian games may be in the next four years, but we can still get ready for the winter Equestrian two years from now!!!" Deadpool teleported next to the unicorn in a workout suit "That's right!" Deadpool said in a feminine voice "We're going to prove to the other nation that we are superior in a number of games while be FABULOUS!!!" The unicorn jumped! He used his magic and lifted a spear to Deadpool's face "Who are you!?!?!? What are you doing here?" "Name's Deadpool!" The mere mention of his name caused everypony to stop what they were doing and stared at him. The unicorn gave a signal for all of them to leave, hoping they wouldn't get hurt at all. "Don't worry, I bring you... this!!!" Deadpool pulled out a regular corn dog. OHH!!! Like Friendship is Witchcraft!!!! I doubt they actually do enjoy eating Corn dogs. And where did we get that? The unicorn looked carefully at the Corndog, not sure what it was. "What is it?" He asked "Are you trying to kill me like Tirek?" "WHAT!?!?!? NO!!! It's a Corndog!" Deadpool responded "What do you-" "You eat it!!!" "...Eat it?" Deadpool lifted the corn dog to the unicorn's face. He took some quick sniffs at it. Nothing seemed out of place, it smelt really good and he hadn't eaten anything today. He levitated the corn dog out of Deadpool's hand and inspected more. His stomach growled, and he began to drool at the sight & smell of it, not even sure what it would taste like. He took a bite out of the top and began to chew. His eyes widened. "Sweet Celestia. This... has to be... the most... EPIC THING EVER!!!" he began to scarf down the deep fried delight, laughing almost like a maniac! "I'm sorry for not introducing myself, my name is-" "Prince Shining Armor!" Deadpool interrupted "I already spoke with your wife, Cadence, and I must say, this is quite the-" "DEADPOOL!!!" The various voices of his group yelled. Twilight & her friends ran to Deadpool, Cadence ran to her husband, and Celestia just stood there, having a smirk across her face. "Shining," Cadence spoke "did he do anything to you?" "No dear," Shining armor replied "All he did was gave me a delicious treat called a 'Corndog'! You've got to try it!!!" "SHINING!!! He might've poisoned you!!!" "After how you both saved the crystal Empire AFTER shining threw you like a javelin!?!?!?" Deadpool asked "Yeah, sure I want to poison him after a stunt like THAT!" "...how does he know this?" Shining armor asked his wife "I have no idea." she replied "Besides," Deadpool continued "You're Twilight's B.B.B.F.F., there's no way I want to kill someone that's genetically related to the biggest bookworm around." "Thank you!" Twilight said. She stopped and realized what he said "HEY!!!" "I think you two need... a break of some sort." "A break?" the couple asked "Yeah. Don't you have an anniversary on the day you two were married?" "...We never thought of that." Cadence said "And it's already a few weeks after our wedding day," Shining Armor said "you really think we should have one?" "But what will we do?" "Leave that to me." Deadpool said, putting on a chef's hat. 7:00 P.M. The inside of the Crystal Empire's castle was decorated to look like a fancy restaurant. Shining Armor was in the same outfit he wore during the wedding, while Cadence was in the same dress she wore for Twilight's coronation, though her mane was kept the same. Deadpool had on the same suit he wore when introducing himself to Ponyville, but added a top hat, monocle, and a gentleman's mustache over his mask. He handed the couple their own menu "What will you two be having today?" Deadpool asked in a gentleman's tone. they opened their menus, but were quite thrown off, as the menus fell apart easily... and all the pictures with choices were written in crayon, filled with many grammar and spelling errors. "...This isn't a good sign." Cadence said "Uh... can you make it a surprise for the two of us?" Shining asked "Ooh!" Deadpol responded "Gotcha!" He teleported away. The two awkwardly stared at each other, with silence all around them. "So," Shining broke the silence "How's our anniversary?" "It... doesn't have a good start to it," Cadence replied "But I think it might get better." "Oh, good. What do you think of our waiter?" "Deadpool?" "Yeah." "He's... I'm not gonna lie, he frightens me a bit." "Really?" "After hearing what he did to Tirek, I'm actually more afraid of HIM more than when he was around, stealing magic from everypony!" "...I see... but he's not done anything bad, now has he?" "Not from what I've heard. He's a lot like Pinkie Pie, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing." "Why do you say that?" "Well... have you been around Pinkie?" "I have been." "He's as random as her, maybe even more, and considering he has, what they say, instant healing, he's nearly invincible!" "Nearly?" "There may be something that can be used to beat him. Maybe the elements of Harmony." "Now Dear, let's not jump to conclusions. He seems to be a pretty good guy. Not the best, but a decent person, at least, and he made this for us, for the two of us on his own. How special is that? He obviously respects us!" "Yeah, after how you threw me to save Spike." "Alright, alright, that wasn't the brightest thing I did, but it worked, right?" "...I guess it did." "Where is he anyways?" At theta moment, Deadpool teleported in front of their table, holding two plates of spaghetti. He placed the plates in front of them. "Your horderves." Deadpool said with a bow. He teleported away. Cadence investigated the spaghetti, not even sure if what he did was 'good' or he really planed to kill the two. Deadpool returned to them, with Discord, who had an accordion and was also in a suit, and Deadpool had a ukulele. The chaotic duo began to play some music, making the area more romantic feeling. The two stared at each other: Cadence dropped her worries about being poisoned and Shining felt young again, back when the two first meet. The couple began to eat their meal and... well... watch the scene from 'Lady and the Tramp' and you'll see why. "Lazy narrator." Discord said. Ahem? "Oh, right. Deadpool?" Deadpool shook his head and cleared his throat. "♫Oh this is the night,♫" the two sang in surprisingly good Italian accents "♫it's a beautiful night, and we call it bella notte. Look at the skies, they have stars in their eyes on this lovely bella notte. Side by side with your loved one, you'll find enchantment here. The night will weave its magic spell, When the one you love is near! Oh this is the night, and the heavens are right! On this lovely bella notte!♫" "That was... beautiful." Cadence said with a tear "I'm... sorry for doubting you, Deadpool. Is there anything I can do to repay this?" "There actually is." Deadpool said, pulling out his cell phone "I would like you and your husband to take a selfie with me." "A selfie?" Shining asked "what's that?" "Simple picture taking!" Discord replied "I had one with Deadpool a few days ago, remember?" "I sure do." Deadpool replied, remembering the duo singing Abba's "Dancing Queen". He held the phone in the air, having the frame have the couple inside "Say ♫Bella Notte♫!!!" "♫Bella Notte♫!!!" the couple responded. The pic was taken. "Ah... this will go in the memories for sure." "Tell me," Shining said "How did you sing like that?" "I control chaos." Discord answered plainly "no question here." "Years of practice, my friend." Deadpool responded "Practice, and one day, you'll be just as good as me." Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next? Surprisingly, not really racist. Pony #16: King SombraAfter Deadpool and Discord's wonderful meal the two made together, Cadence was able to give Deadpool a room to stay for the night along with Twilight & her friends in their own room. Princess Celestia told everyone that she was going back to Canterlot, hopefully, to see if Luna needed her help and to do her responsible job of raising the sun. His room wasn't special: a simple wireframe bed, a shelf with a single lantern on it, some quills, pens, papers next to it, and a window showing the moon. He laid down on his bed and began to sleep, wondering who else he would take a Selfie with: Maud Pie, Coco pommel, Sonata, Weird Al pony, Sea- "WE GET IT!!! MOVE ON!!!" Oh... Excuse me for telling people your WAIFUS!!! "SHUT UP AND LET ME SLEEP FOR ONCE!!!" Fine... baby. Deadpool finally went to sleep, hopefully, he and Luna will get some quality time together. "You mean Mooncheeks?" Shut up, I'm telling this story. Though Deadpool went to sleep, a creaking noise was heard, and it woke him up! His room had been... altered a bit... and his vision was now a bit blurry. He got up and, taking the candle, investigated the creaking. With the open of the door, he saw that the rooms were slowly drifting apart, and the hallway was nearly pitch black. "This way..." a faint whisper said to his left side. Curious, Deadpool followed the whisper, seeing the doors to the room now disappeared, and were replaced with picture frames, holding violent images of his past. His life as a child, life of a mercenary, the Weapon X program, surviving the 'Deadpool' wages, escape from Weapon X, various shenanigans with heroes & villains, Ryan Reynolds, his 7/10 video game, and the events he did in Equestria. All were there as he walked down with a dying candle. "Quick Question." Um... sure. "Is this a parody to Batman: Arkham Asylum, where everyone's throat's are shoved with the tragic past cliche, or is this a parody to Amnesia?" ...A bit of both. Can we get to the story? "Oh, right. To the people at home: I had to get an app that allowed me to break the 4th wall before I went to sleep. YOU CAN ENJOY ME MORE NOW!!!" "These are images to the past," The same voice whispered to Deadpool "You've caused so much pain & agony, you don't deserve to live, but you can be of use to me." "How so?" Deadpool asked, seeing the pictures disappear into darkness "Easy: you must go and- HEY!!! STOP THAT!!! DON'T PRESS THAT!!!" A door with a taco on it appeared in a puff of smoke filled with confetti. Deadpool opened it and saw his two sides along with a grey unicorn that wore something of royalty, but had a red horn with green eyes & red pupils and his black mane was moving in a way similar to fire. The entire room they were in looked like Chipotle, minus the windows. "HA!!! KING SOMBRA!!! REALY!?!?!?" I know!!! HE FINALLY HAS A PERSONALITY!!! Oh come now, he's alway had a personality. "Really?" Sombra asked Yes. You just stand, laugh menacingly and become a fart cloud HA!!! YOU SAID 'CLOUD'!!! "Ugh!" Sombra groaned "Why me?" "Alright Sombra," Deadpool said, leaning on the wall, trying not to laugh "What's your offer?" "I was going to give you a chance to use dark powers, but considering how I just found out YOU killed Tirek on your won, Never mind!!!" "You wanted me to kill Tirek with Dark powers?" "...Yes. Is there a problem?" "Many: I'm too awesome for that, you're not threatening enough, Gak will get more screen time, Spikey Wikey will destroy you, there's no chimichangas involved, Discord is my best friend, Mane 6, Celestia & Luna, no weapons involved. Need I say more?" "...No." His head fell onto the counter with a loud 'Thump!' "Ugh... These dark powers are useless, now that I see it." The two sides of Deadpool walked next to the depressed, evil king that had little to no character development. Really? Can you give us a chance to tell us who you are? Maybe you won't be so lame AFTER you tell us who you are. "There's not much to say. I was a young stallion, wanted power, found a book that had spells of it, fought & lost my shadow, became corrupt, ruled empire for a good... 12 days, and was banished under the ice for 1000 years." "That's it?" Deadpool asked "Alright, it was technically 984 years and 2 months, but 1000 sounds more dramatic. And yeah, I had the dumbest way of trying to Retake my empire... kinda wish I was more focused on the plan rather than how I'm trying to terrify the crowd. Most embarrassing way to be defeated, you know?" Yep. We were beaten by a chicken in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. While fending off a whole angry big top circus for killing THE RING LEADER!!! "How are you so popular? Why do ponies love and fear you?" "Easy as this:" Deadpool gave the instructions of being popular "Overact! LOOK!!! Random Music." the classic 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes' played out of nowhere "and be relatable!" "...just like that?" "Just like that!" "Huh... never thought of that." "A lot of villains are like that. Taco?" "How come ponies everywhere assume that I enjoy Mexican food!?!?!? I HATE IT!!! I enjoy burgers!!!" "Oh... aren't you of mexican heritage?" "NO!!! I just chose Sombra from a dictionary because it sounded cool!" "Oh. That make's sense. But listen, why not join us?" "...Join you?" "Yeah! I'm not in the mood for killing anything tonight, you seem... alright, and I think the princesses would enjoy another reformed villain. Talk to Discord, he'll help you out." "Really? Why... thank you! I have no idea how to repay you!" "2 ways: 1) A selfie." "Oh! I've seen you done that! Of course!!!" Can we get involved? You just dropped us in thin air. "F**K OFF!!!" Deadpool yelled. "Say Caballeros!!!" "Caballeros?" Sombra asked with a confused smile. The pic was taken. "Now my second." "And what's that?" "Boys?" Yes? Yeah? "Hit it!" Deadpool pulled Sombra in between the three Pools. He snapped his fingers and all of them had sombreros and ponchos. "Really?" Sombra asked Just go with it. It's really fun!!! "Let's do this!!!" Deadpool yelled. Music began to play, and Sombra seemed to join them in their dance easily, though whatever happened, he seemed to have a lot of bad luck. The other Deadpool's joined him every now & then, but this is mostly him singing. "♫We're four caballeros, four gay caballeros! They say we are birds of a feather!!! We're happy amigos No matter where he goes, The one, two, three 'n' four goes, We're always together!!! We're four happy chappies, With snappy serapes, You'll find us beneath our sombreros!!! We're brave and we'll stay so, We're bright as a peso!♫" "Who says so?" Sombra asked "♫We say so! The four caballeros! ohhhh! We have the stars to guide us, Guitars here beside us, To play as we go!!! We sing and we samba We shout 'ay, caramba!♫" "What means ay, caramba?" "Oh yes, I don't know. ♫Through fair and stormy weather, We stand close together, Like books on a shelf!!!♫" Luna entered their dream, but stood in complete confusion. The 4 turned around and panted like dogs. "♫As pals though we may be, When some Latin baby Says yes, no, or maybe... it's Each man is for himself!♫" They all began to tackle each other! Luna, without any hesitation, teleported away! The 4 saw her disappear and quickly went back to their thing. "♫Ohhhh! Jalisco no the rajes!!!! Me sale del alma!!!! Gritar con color!!! Abrir todo le pecho Pa echar este grit Qué lindo es Jalisco Palabra de honooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooor!!!♫" Their song ended. "Wow." Sombra commented "That was beautiful and, might I say, fun!!!" We're like this EVERYWHERE we go!!! "Really? What was that final verse?" It's Spanish. It translates to "Jalisco do not back !!!! I get the soul !!!! Shouting with color !!! Pa chest will open all take this grit How cute is Jalisco word of honor !!!" "...What does that mean?" "I have no clue!" Deadpool responded. "Anyways, it was nice meeting you lil' Sombrero, hopefully, you'll be a side character in Season 5 or 6." "Uh... thanks? A quick thing I wanted to say before you wake up." "Yeah?" "I... well... I took your body away and buried it somewhere" "WHAT!?!?!?" "And you may not want to move so fast when you wake up." "YOU SON OF A B-" The dream ended like that. Author's Note NEW YEAR!!! NEW CHAPTER!!! I'm not so huge with Sombra, so this may be the most boring chapter. (way to go for 2015) Who should Deadpool meet next? Goat + Shark +Pony= Pony(???) #17: TydalEarlier In the protection of the night, a changeling and a mysterious hooded figure stood near the castle's wall. They were approximately near the window to Deadpool's room in the castle. "So," the Changeling said "you really think you can kill something that can't be killed?" "Of course I can." The figure replied "Rapid healing will just be a challenge. Everything has a weakness and I will find my target's weakness." At that moment, they heard some loud snoring and looked up: surrounded by a black aura, Deadpool was being lifted away as he snored loudly. "Well... that's Deadpool." "Really? That red thing is the creature you all fear!?!?!?" "Just... get rid of him and you'll be free, okay?" "... anything just to meet my sisters again." He ran away following Deadpool, who seemed to floated away faster. Present: "-ITCH!!!" Deadpool yelled as he got up, but hit something wooden. He felt the pain on his head and looked around. "F**K!!! That hurt." Where are we in? By the looks of it, I believe we're in a coffin. "Man, this is some bulls**t!" We gotta Get out of here!!! QUICK!!! BEFORE WE DIE!!! How many times do I have to remind you two? WE CAN'T DIE!!! "I already know one way, and it's Quentin Tarantino approved!!!" Oh!!! You'll bring in Samuel L. Jackson to help us out and be a bada**!?!?!? That isn't it. Deadpool, with his right hand began to punch the wood in front of him, not even sure if he's punching the same spot, nor caring about the pain on his fists. He heard the wood crack with each punch. Soon, he'll be free to eat his lovely taquitos!!! Above: The hooded figure ran to an open field. He was tiring all night, especially when chasing after the red figure named 'Deadpool' that's being lifted away be dark magic. He stopped and took a small breather. "Dammit!" He yelled to himself "I've failed you sister, truly, I have." He looked forward and saw the ground below breaking. He stood there, a bit curious on what was happening: being locked away by Chrysaliss for many years has made him forgot how most things work in the land of Equestria. A red hand pierced the ground, grabbed the food and began to pull itself out! A head appeared, followed by the rest of it's body! He looked closely and saw that it was Deadpool, his target!!! "Brains!!!" Deadpool yelled as he emerged "BRAINS!!!" Is he... a zombie? The figure thought. Deadpool wiped the dirt off his spandex and looked around his new area. He turned and saw a pony in a hood. "Hello there!!!" Deadpool yelled "Listen, I may be famous for killing the centaur Tirek, but I'm not gonna hurt you, I just need directions to Canterlot or the Crystal Empire or... anywhere really." "Wait! You killed Lord Tirek?" "...Uh... Yeah! You didn't hear?" "Hmm... you're even much more of a challenge than I thought. Surrender now and I'll make your death swift & painless!" "What!?!?!? WHO THE F**K DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!?!?!?" The figure took off his hood! It was a grey stallion with what appeared to be goat horns, a green mane & goatee, black goat like hooves, but his flank side was all green and looked as if it were a dorsal fin with tail of shark. He also had a bag next to him, probably holding valuable inside. "The name's Lord Tydal: Lord of the Capricorns, God of the Sea, God of War, Equestria's All Time Cursing Champion, and Celestia & Luna's older brother!!!" Deadpool stared at the figure. He began to chuckle then fell to the floor, laughing out loud!!! "WHAT'S SO FUNNY!?!?!?" "I'm Sorry!!!" Deadpool had a hard time trying to be serious, but kept laughing. "Did you're father F**k a goat while using shark as protection? OH LORD THIS IS FUNNY!!! And you're the older brother of Celestia & Luna? ... BUAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh God!!! This is... This is too Hysterical!!! I take it you're Sony's biggest fan of the God of War Series? God of War!?!?!? HAHAHAHA!!! Oh man!!! This is just priceless!!!" Tydal gave him a stern look as he smiled. He looked through his bag and pulled out one of Deadpool's Shotguns. "Hey!!! Is that my Shotgun!?!?!?" Tydal fired at Deadpool with some magic. The figure rolled and slammed into a tree. "Annoying b*****d." He turned around and released a sigh of relief. Finally, after a long time, he was free! Free to go home to his sisters! Free to take back and rule his empire! Free to- "Can we get past that monologue, MrAquino?" Tydal froze in place and turned around. Deadpool was sitting right on his back, holding all his guns in a ball. "I miss you guys so much! Did he hurt you? I hope not." "GET OFF!!!" Tydal used his magic and threw Deadpool into the ground!!! The merc got up and went into a fighting pose. "So... if it's a fight you want, it's a fight you'll get!!!" "HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE!?!?!?" "Super Rapid healing, bro! What do you think would happen?" "There's... no magic that will kill you?" "F**k no!!! As long as the internet loves me, I'll live forever!!!" "In that case then... I'll drag you to Tartarus myself!!!" "Ooh!!! Hopefully, Cerberus doesn't like the smell of fried fish." "ENOUGH!!!" Tydal used his magic and pulled out one of Deadpool's Katanas. "Ooh! One moment!" He teleported next to Tydal, took out one of his Katanas, and teleported back to where he was. "There we go! Now this should be interesting. FIGHT!!!" THAT'S MY LINE!!! Nevermind, keep it. Deadpool and Tydal charged at each other and swung their katanas at each other! Their swords clashed and they swung again, another clash! They began to release a fury of swings, causing a lot of sparks in their swords and clangs! A loud 'Snap!!!' came and the two looked at their swords: both of their force was so strong, their katanas' blade came right off, leaving only the handle. "Wow," Deadpool commented, holding his handle of a sword "you're paying for that, you know, right?" Tydal tackled Deadpool onto the ground, using one of his hooves to hold Deadpool's suit's neck up and used the other to release of punches to the face!!! "YOU," He said with each punch "WILL...DIE...AND...YOU...WILL...NOT...HURT...MY...SISTERS!!!" A final punch was made, leaving a large, fully disfigured (or more than ever) Deadpool. Tydal got up and began to pant a bit. "Dude," Deadpool said. Tydal froze again and began to steam through his head!!! He got up and was about to charge at Deadpool "I bet that you haven't heard, but I'm friends with your sister." Before he jumped, he stopped and skidded onto the floor, just stopping a couple of inches near Deadpool's feet. "Come again?" "I'm friends with your sisters!" "PROOF!!!" "Hold on." He pulled out his cellphone. "Look, here's my pic with Luna." He showed the awkward selfie with his sleeping self and Luna, trying to get away from Deadpool's grip. Tydal stared at the picture. Tears began to fall from his face. "Sister..." Deadpool looked back at his phone and looked for the other "And this is one with Celestia." Again, Tydal stared and saw her sister smiling with what was the threat. "Are they... alright?" "Of course they are! I helped them escaped from the changeling when we were captured." "WHAT!?!?!? That music was you!!!" "Yep! They're alive!!! Luna's in Canterlot for now and I believe Celestia may have returned with her, or is in the Crystal Empire. "Those... Those LIARS!!!" "Liars?" "THE CHANGELINGS PROMISED ME THAT IF I KILLED YOU, THEY WOULDN'T HURT CELESTIA AND LUNA!!! THEY USED ME AS THEIR PAWN!!!" "Pawn in what?" "Enough!!!" A voice yelled, followed by some hissing. A couple hundred changelings appeared out of sky, surrounding the two. "Tydal! Eliminate him now and you'll live!!!" Tydal looked at Deadpool's back. Right behind Deadpool, in his hands, he held two uzis. "...I wish I could," Tydal replied with a smirk across his face "But I'd rather got out with a bang." "...Kill them." All the changelings began to close in on the two. Deadpool pulled out his two uzis. "Bang." Deadpool simply said. He pulled the triggers and released a barrage of bullets at the changelings, killing many around him and Tydal easily. Tydal, with his magic, carried the two pistols Deadpool had in his sack and began firing at the changelings in front of him!!! The two were now back to back, firing and killing any changeling around them!!! Deadpool kept yelling 'BANG!!!' over and over, as if he were a child with a toy gun, while Tydal kept yelling with pleasure in his tone, finally getting a slice of revenge after what they've done to him for many years and how they tried using him in their scheme!!! "Retreat!!!" A changeling yelled "RETREAT!!!" Any changeling that was lucky to not get shot flew away, while those shot limped their way back into the forest!!! Deadpool and Tydal, surrounded by piles of dead changelings, bleeding green blood, stared at each other while taking in deep breaths. They both began to chuckle at what they did, then fell to the floor laughing uncontrollably!!! "That was the most fun I've had in years!!!" Tydal exclaimed. "I know!!!" Deadpool replied as he looked up to the sky, flipping the bird "F**K YOU CHRYSALISS AND GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY!!!" "Yeah!!! F**K YOU!!!" "We have got to remember this moment!!!" "...How?" "With this!" He pulled out his phone. "Oh!!! Forgot about that during our slaughter." "It's no problem. Smile!!!" The two smiled as their picture was taken. "Alright, if I'm not mistaking, you'll want to meet your sisters, right?" "YEAH!!!" "I can half grant that... most likely. We'll find our way back to the Crystal Empire, or Canterlot,and work our way there, capsice?" "Uh... capisce?" "Alrighty then, let's go." They both got up and walked into the forest, as Deadpool picked up the sack with his weapons inside and rode Tydal's back. Though Tydal was a bit annoyed, and a bit embarrassed he was a steed to something, he went along with his new friend, probably best friend for that manner. Author's Note DP: You really told people your computer had a virus and you wouldn't be able to make new chapters for a while? Me: I didn't know it'd be that short. I read some things about Tydal, so don't be angry that I gave him magic to lift things. Don't worry, I love Guardians of the Galaxy: it's such an awesome film!!! Who should Deadpool Meet next? The classiest of duels. Pony #18: Octavia Melody The classiest of duels. Pony #18: Octavia Melody Tydal and Deadpool travelled through the forest for a couple of hours. Deadpool, while riding the weird O.C., cleaned their weapons while singing some random songs that were used in various movies that had a LOT of traveling. Tydal was able to keep patience with Deadpool's singing and 'Dane Cook' rating humor. They both climbed on top of a mountain and looked out to the distance: the castle of the royal sisters laid in the distance. "I'm Home!" Tydal said "Easy man," Deadpool said "I'm not sure long how you've been away, but I don't think they will-" "I'M COMING SISTERS!!!" Tydal ran to the castle with Deadpool holding onto his neck!!! Deadpool grabbed onto Tydal's mane and 'steered' the king, as the two were about to hit a wall!!! Tydal tripped after a hard yank from Deadpool, causing the two to roll down a steep hill and not slowing down! On the bottom of the hill, a unicorn guard was having a hard time with a certain gray pegasus, as there was a giant trampoline set up. "For the last time," the guard said with an annoyed tone "We DID NOT order a giant trampoline!!!" "You know, good sir," the pegasus responded, also with an annoyed tone in her voice "you could've told me that BEFORE I set it up!!!" "GANG WAY!!!" Deadpool yelled. The two turned and saw the weird duo rolling downhill!!! The guard immediately teleported away and the pegasus flew put of the way. Deadpool and Tydal missed the trampoline, but went up a curved hill that pointed to the inside of Canterlot's walls!!! They were in the air, and Deadpool saw that they were in the market area. "♫ I believe I can fly!!!" Deadpool sang "♫I believe I can touch the sky!!! I think about it every-♫- OH S**T!!!" Deadpool covered his eyes, as the two crashed into what was an outside concert going on for a fancy wedding. A loud 'CRASH' was heard, wood was broken, and some moaning from ponies were heard. Deadpool woke up to see nothing but darkness. Alright, don't panic, I have some ideas where we're at. I'm most likely going to assume we're underneath the rubble of, what I believe was a wooden stage. I don't know. Try squeezing it!!! Deadpool lifted his hand, a bit surprised to see it was free, and, in a squeeze, felt what was like two balls of fur... in between a tail. "OOH!!!" A woman's voice yelled "YOU PIG!!!" He saw the darkness lifted and, with his eyes adjusting to the brightness, saw the silhouette was a pony's plot. "Oh crap." Deadpool simply said as a both hind legs were lifted and was heading towards his face. Immediate pain was felt, then the figure turned around, lifted Deadpool by the loose clothing around his neck area, and was slapped silly for a good solid minute "I WILL NOT BE TREATED AS ANOTHER, LOW LIFE PEASANT!!! I HAVE WORKED HARD AND GAVE MYSELF SELF RESPECT AND I WILL NOT BE USED AS A SLAVE!!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU A- wait a minute!?!?!?" Deadpool slowly regained his vision. Though blurry, he could see that the mare that was beating the s**t out of him had a light grey coat, with a darker, long, very tamed grey mane and wore a white collar with a pink bow-tie, almost matching the same color as her eyes. "Octavia Melody?" Deadpool asked. The whole crowd around them gasped. "DEADPOOL!?!?!?" He was dropped immediately and could hear her hooves back away from him rapidly. Deadpool got up onto his feet, wiped off the dirt on his suit, and saw Octavia in a cowering position, trying to get into the crowd of ponies but being pushed out immediately. She turned and froze with fear. "PLEASE!!! Don't kill me!!! I'm sorry for what I've done!!! Use me in anyway you see fit, BUT PLEASE, DON'T KILL ME!!!" Hmm... I'm liking this. THE F**K MAN!?!?!? THAT'S JUST AWFUL!!! Deadpool slowly walked to the frightened pony, but saw her scampering her way away from him as the crowd kept a circle formation, watching the two. Deadpool teleported right next to Octavia. The crowd gasped even louder, with some mares in the crowd fainting. Octavia whimpered a bit as she fell to the floor and shivered in complete fear. Deadpool reached his hand out and Octavia shut her eyes tight, tearing a bit. Silence fell among the crowd, and octavia felt something rather relaxing scratching right behind one of her ears. She turned and jumped a bit, seeing Deadpool was scratching right behind one of her ears. "There, There," Deadpool stated "don't worry, I'm not here to kill you, nor do I plan to, nor did anyone hired me to, I just... crashed the party right after a certain SOMEPONY COULDN'T KEEP HIS COOL!!!" The crowd parted, seeing Tydal on the floor completely unconscious. Deadpool teleported next to Tydal and pointed at him as if he were a dog. "BAD O.C.!!! BAD!!! NO SHIP FICS FOR YOU!!!" He telported again, this time, Octavia was in his arms. "Plus, I've meet your rival and best friend already!!!" "Rival AND Best friend!?!?!?" Octavia asked, completely surprised "You mean-" "oh yes! I do!!!" "...How is she!?" "Pardon?" "How is she!?!?!?" "She's doing fine... when I meet her at least." Deadpool stopped and looked at the crowd, staring at them. "Hold on tight." Deadpool and Octavia teleported away!!! They teleported next to Tydal, as Octavia found herself on Deadpool's back and holding onto his neck, while Deadpool quickly grabbed Tydal. Another puff of smoke, and all three found themselves at Celestia's throne room! Deadpool released Tydal, grabbing Octavia into his arms, and teleported away. Tydal woke up, a bit curious on how he woke up in a familiar throne room. The doors opened and Celestia & Luna walked in. "I'm telling you!" Luna yelled "Deadpool betrayed us!!! He and Sombra will attack soon!!!" "Oh sister," Celestia replied "you're speaking nonsense! if our family were here, they'd- WHO ARE YOU!?!?!?" "WHAT IS THAT!?!?!?" "SISTERS!!!" Tydal yelled, running towards them, followed by a large group hug!!! His eyes filled with tears "It's been so long!!! I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!" "Sisters?" Luna asked "How are you here? How did the guards not see you!?!?!?" "And how do you claim to be our brother?" Celestia added "It's a long story," Tydal replied "but, if he's right, you both know him very well." The sisters looked at each other then back to their 'brother'. "Explain." they said together with a stern look A recognizable white unicorn with spiked up, striped blue & light blue mane & tail sat in a table, looking at a menu with her purple glasses resting on her horn. A waiter appeared next to her, brining in a glass of water. "Madam," the waiter greeted himself in a british accent "what would you like to order?" "Oh, you know," she replied very laid back "just the salad, light on the ranch sauce though, need to lose some extra pounds, y'know?" "Excellent choice, madam, would you like anything else?" At that moment, a puff of red smoke came, as Deadpool and Octavia appeared, both sitting on chairs. "Yeah," Deadpool added "this lady right here would like your most finest tea, and for me, get me some of your most delicious tacos." The waiter and unicorn stood there awkwardly, both with surprised looks on their faces, but the unicorn went back to her usual smug. "Don't worry," she said "they're with me." "Of course, madam." the waiter replied, still a bit shaken seeing Deadpool and octavia appear out of nowhere as he left. "'Sup Deadpool? Haven't seen you in a while! Heard what you did to Tirek." "Oh yeah!" Deadpool replied, putting his feet on the table "That A**hole deserved it after destroying Twilight's home and Ponyville's Library!" "Hold on," Octavia said, trying to get all the info "you two REALLY DID meet each other!?!?!?" "Oh Tavi," Vinyl simply remarked "We did not just MEET each other, but we BATTLED EACH OTHER!!!" Octavia gasped "Not that type of battle," Deadpool added "It was a DJ battle." "Oh thank goodness!!!" Octavia said, awkwardly chuckling at the idea of Vinyl beating up Deadpool with CDs. "It was nothing," Vinyl remarked "he is actually good with music. FYI, Deadpool, next time, don't jump into the crowd; We're DJ's, not rockstars." "Gotcha!" Deadpool replied, pulling out a note with pencil and wrote it down. "HEY!!! I just got an idea!!!" The human and earth pony stared at Vinyl, wondering what her idea was "Since I battle Deadpool in a DJ battle, Tavi: you should battle him in a Cello battle!!!" "Oh please!" Octavia said with some pride in her tone "Mr. Deadpool could NOT take me on in that! He only knows Techno, like you, and we both know how horrible YOU are with any instrument that requires strings. No offense." Deadpool's eyes lowered with impatience. Octavia awkwardly smiled with some chuckling. Deadpool teleported away and came back with a violin. "Please," Deadpool responded "I learned this bit from Double Fine's 'Stacking'." Deadpool did a small sample with the violin, which surprised Octavia on how clean, short, and poetic it sounded. She shook her head in disbelief. "Beginner's luck. Plus, that's a violin, not a Cello!!!" "Oh please," Vinyl commented "A cello is nothing but an oversized violin, right?" "NO!!! The violin is smaller than the cello, tuned differently, and produces notes that are over an octave above those played on the cello. Violins enjoy greater popularity than cellos and are used more often in ensemble settings. While the violin is held between the user's left hand and chin, the cello is placed on an endpin and played vertically as it is considerably larger. Both the violin and cello are heavily used in classical music and in various genres of modern music. A violin is a substantially smaller instrument than the cello. On average, the total length of a violin is around 23.5 inches or 60 cm. The sounding length, which is the distance from the nut to the bridge, is around 12.75 inches or 32 cm. Not only does this compact form help the instrument produce high-pitched sounds, it also makes the violin one of the most portable string instruments. This gives violinists the advantage of being able to fit into any space, which is a major distinction between the violin and cello!!!" Deadpool and Vinyl stared at Octavia with a confused look. "Killjoy." Deadpool commented "Plus, I'm not going to battle YOU, even it's a cello battle, it would be very uncouth." "What are you... Chicken?" Octavia's left eye twitched, then made an angry look. "Nopony... calls... me... CHICKEN!!!" "Oh boy." Vinyl said "You're in for it now... this could be interesting." Deadpool grabbed onto both Octavia's and Vinyl's mane and teleported away! The waiter arrived with the stuff they ordered, but saw that they were gone. "I need a better job." He commented to himself The three teleported into the middle of Canterlot's park, right on an outside stage. The crowd gasped at Deadpool appearing, but were curious on why he and famous local Octavia Melody were staring down at each other. Deadpool teleported away for a moment, then returned with 2 cellos with bows, two chairs, and some papers that had a composition written on it. "Do you really thank that your 'skills' as a DJ hold up to my brilliance as a Cello artist?" Octavia mocked "Oh we'll see," Deadpool commented "Michael Jackson will be aiding me in this battle." OOH!!! What song did we get!?!?!? Michael Jackson's "Smooth Criminal". We saw that video with the two guys battling each other with their cellos to recreate this song. But... wasn't it ruined by Glee? Oh Yes. It definitely was... F**K YOU GLEE!!! A whole crowd gathered around the three ponies. Vinyl left the two alone and stood in the crowd, getting a front row look at the two going to battle!!! Everything was silent with only a few whispers, some pegasi wings flapping, and a couple of chirps from the birds around them. The two stared at each other a bit, took a deep breath, looked over their notes & memorized it, and began to play! *One epic Cello battle later* The duo took a deep breath, still staring at each other, but smiled, seeing as how both performed really well and the music they made was, well, breath taking!!! The ponies around them cheered loudly, loving the music they made as the battled each other!!! Deadpool grabbed onto one of Octavia's front hooves, and the two took a bow to the crowd. Vinyl ran up to the two and gave them group hug!!! Some time later "That was amazing!!!" Vinyl commented "I'm not going to lie, I'm not a huge fan of all that 'classy music', but that music was so-so..." "Awesome?" Deapool and Octavia asked at the same time "YEAH!!! Awesome!!!" "I do have to say," Octavia spoke, turning to Deadpool "that composition was... different, but enjoyable! I'm... sorry I doubted you in knowing anything about music. It's very hard just to find another pony who has a passion for the classics, like me." "Oh, don't worry about it." Deadpool replied with a slight blush "You'll just have to do one thing for me." "And that is?" "A SELFIE!!!" "A... selfie?" "Don't worry, Octi," Vinyl said "it's just a simple picture with you two smiling to his camera." "Oh... simple. Alright then, let's take it!!!" "Say 'Mozart'!!!" Deadpool yelled as he slid next to the classic pony. "Mozart!!!" The pic was taken "Just one question, before you leave." "Yes?" "Who was that pony? ... Tydal, I believe." "Him? He claims to be a king and Celestia & Luna's older brother." "He's the royal sisters' Older brother!?!?!?" "Very unlikely, I just hope they turn him into fish sticks... or large died fish... or-" his stomach growled. "GET BACK HERE!!!" a familiar voice yelled in the crowd. Deadpool looked up and Saw Lyra making her way back to him "Uh... gotta go fast!!!" Deadpool ran away as fast as he could. Lyra ran past the two musicians, yelling random stuff. "That was... interesting." Vinyl commented "Very." Octavia added "Say, want to get a sandwich? I'll pay for it." "Fine by me." The two left, heading to a nearby sandwich shop. Author's Note Ah, Glee... ruining all sorts of music and making musicians roll in their graves. Luckily, these two guys made the cut before them AND they don't Suck!!! Who should Deadpool meet next? Only Necromorph (Hopefully): Marksaline Only Necromorph (Hopefully): Marksaline Deadpool ran away from Lyra, who was slowly & steadily catching up to him!!! "Why are you chasing me!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled "I made myself public!!! Everypony knows who I am!!!" "YOU BELONG TO ME!!!" Lyra replied.He looked right behind him and saw Lyra nearly closet to his butt cheeks. He should be glad that he doesn't have a tail, but it would be more preferable to have a tail bit rather than having a pony bite one of his cheeks to get a hold of him. Lyra stopped immediately, skidding across the floor, then turned around and ran away, screaming!!! Deadpool stopped, skidding across the floor and stopped as well. "YEAH!!! That's how we do it!!! So long Lyra!!! Alright, MrAquino, who is Marksaline?" "That would be us." a demonic sounding woman with other voices in it replied. Deadpool froze a bit and turned around: a nearly, all red alicorn mare stood right behind him with a smile, filled with teeth that looked like white razors. Her mane & tail were loose & not tamed, her wings looked like they could stab someone, and her horn looked as if it were in a spiral way with two tips. "...oh... you." Right behind her, Fluffle puff appeared, gasping a bit and running up to everyone's favorite mercenary. "Well, you're a pleasant sight. How's it between Chrysaliss & you?" "Pfftpftpftpttpftpft" Fluffle Puff 'responded'. "Really? Is she still angry at me?" "pftpftppftttpftpftpppfttttpft" "Figures. And you do know that Marksaline is an O.C. pony inspired from the video game series 'Dead Space', right? Those games have been going from horror to mindless action... kinda like Resident Evil." "Pfftpftfptfptfffptttttfptfptffptptptfftpfppfttpfptptft." "The small one has been of great use to us." Marksaline added "We are glad, the one known as 'Tirek', was able to join us to quench our hunger. "...WHAT!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled. At that moment, a building crashed in the distance, showing a headless corpse of Tirek with tentacles coming out of the neck area, and it's arms being molded to more tentacles. Discord teleported right next to Deadpool, having a bucket of Popcorn in his hand and sipping a soda. "This should be interesting!" He commented. "DISCORD!!! I'm so glad you're here!!! Please, help me defeat the altered zombie Tirek!!!" "Hmm... I don't really know, what's in it for me?" "You can have a small slice of revenge!" Discord's eyes widened at what he said "You just won me over, again!!! Alright, this should help." He snapped his fingers and a piñata appeared, as it looked very similar Celestia. A giant corn Dog appeared in Deadpool's arm. Discord had on a suit of armor that looked as if it were made of various snacks and had a three boom boxes stacked on top of each other. "I will now perform my people's native dance!!!" Discord did a dance to the song to "Do the Hustle". Marksaline had a book and levitated it, reading what Discord was doing. "It says here," she read "that this part of 'the hustle' implores the gods to grant a favor, usually a transom." Discord stopped. "Is that all?" Deadpool asked "No," he responded. "This is!!!" He pressed a button and the boom boxes started to play Guiles theme!!! "AW YEAH!!! This goes with EVERYTHING!!!" "CHARGE!!!" The celestia Piñata began to hover and fly towards the Necromorph Tirek!!! Deadpool prepared his giant corn dog, Discord summoned a giant ketchup packet, squirting it on the corn dog!!! The two charged at the monster, preparing themselves, and, just moments in, THEY INTERMISHUN Hello everyone, sorry for interrupting the story, but I have news for all of you. Don't worry, I'm not quitting the ridiculousness of Deadpool in Equestria, but I'm going to let it sit for a while, as I work on two other stories. One of these, you may know already, is "Mares in Black", a parody and somewhat different story to the original "Men in Black". The other story, is actually something I've dreamt of doing since... yesterday. It's based off a famous Dreamworks movie, which will have a sequel in 2017. If any of you can figure that out, please, don't tell the others, but keep it to yourself. Both of these have a story, and, unlike the other times, this time, I mean it, as I will work on both. And now, back to the story. BACK TO STORY Deapool, the princesses, Discord, and Tydal stood around the corpse of Tirek... AGAIN!!! Marksaline walked next to the corpse, then stared at Deadpool. "You all have impressed us." She stated "If it pleases you, I will take what you call... a 'selfie'. "Oh no!!!" Luna yelled "Thouest will pay for thy crimes!!! Who does thou think they are, being able to-" *CLICK!!!* Luna looked and saw Deadpool had taken a selfie with Marksaline. Luna became furious, as a lightning storm came right behind her!!! Celestia reached her hoof over her sister's shoulder, giving her comfort. "Please," Celestia stated "I believe Deadpool may know what he's doing." "Do you now believe I'm your brother?" Tydal asked "... A little, but one story and helping us defeat Tirek again isn't enough." "Please, you must listen, sisters!!!" "Another time," Luna said. "We must get Deadpool and- Where'd he go?" Deadpool was now gone. "He'll come back," Discord said "He's unpredictable that way... and I love him for it!!!" Author's Note Who Should Deadpool meet next? Better than the horrible reimagining. Pony # 26-28 Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle."Ya'll think it could work?" A small western voice asked "I'm not exactly sure," another voice responded "is your magic any good?" "I'm pretty sure I can do it." A small squeaky voice responded. Deadpool groaned a bit, slowly opening his eyes. "DO IT NOW!!!" A force was felt around the axe and, after a couple of seconds, it was yanked right out!!! Deadpool immediately got up and screamed loudly, followed by a him head hitting a wooden ceiling, causing him to kneel down and cover the back of his head. "Holy S**t," Deadpool yelled in pain "que m*****o duele!!!" "Are ya'll hurt?" Deadpool looked up and saw that he was in a small clubhouse with a map of Ponyville, but in front of him were three fillies: a yellow earth pony with a red mane & wearing a pink ribbon, an orange pegasus with a Rainbow Dash looking purple mane, and a white unicorn with a curly mane with two stripes of light pink & light purple. HOLY S**T!!! THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!!! They're so... cute... and young.[/color] I wanna pet their little manes, scratch behind their tiny ears, and kick that s**t out of those two brats!!! We both do. All three of us do. "Can he speak?" the pegasus asked. Deadpool shook his head and went from kneeling to sitting down with his legs crossed. "Yes." He spoke "I can speak and yes, I'm alright." "Great!!!" The earth pony spoke "Mah name's Applebloom, the pegasus is Scootaloo and the unicorn is Sweetie Belle." "Please to meet you." Scootaloo greeted herself "Hi." Sweetie shyly introduced herself. "We heard what ya'll have been doing around here lately, and we hoped we could get our Cutie Marks with your help!" "My help?" Deadpool responded "Yeah!" Scootaloo replied "All the things you've done have been AWESOME!!!" "Really?" "Though they were a bit violent and, might I add, Pinkie Pie-ish." Sweetie Belle squeaked "None taken. Look, I'm not reayy sure that I should-" "But you must!" Applebloom yelled. She ran towards the masked man, knocking him down to the floor, getting onto his chest and staring down into his eyes "Please! You can help us get our Cutie Marks!" "Think of how awesome we can be with your help!" Scootaloo added, going to Deapool's right side "We won't complain," Sweetie Belle added "We just need the basics!" "Please!!!" All three begged together. Their underlips went over their top lips, and their pupils widened with some whimpering heard. Deadpool sat there, staring at them. Can't... handle! Too... cute!!! Do it! Or else... Diabeetus!!! "...f**k." Deadpool simply said to himself "Alright, you win, I'll train you on how to use weapons like the ninja I am." "YAY!!!" The Blank Flanks cheered "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS NINJA TRAINING!!!" The three ran out of the clubhouse, gleefully cheering and talking amongst themselves on what their new Ninja cute marks will look like. Deadpool, though in a crouching position, left the clubhouse to see the three running around, acting like they were ninjas. He exited and stood tall. "TEN-HUT!!!" The three noticed Deadpool and got in a straight line. Deadpool walked down as if he were a general in the army, and drums started to play right behind them. "Are ya'll hearing drums?" Applebloom asked "You hear those as well?" Scootaloo replied "Glad I'm not the only one." "Is this another song, Mr. Deadpool?" Sweeite Belle asked. "No Questions!" Deadpool simply replied "♫Let's get down to business, to kick major buns. Did they send me daughters when I asked for sons? You're the cutest bunch I ever met, but you can bet before we're through: Ladies, I'll make a mare out of you!!!♫" The Four were in a forest, practicing with sticks as Bamboo shoots, doing twirls around. The three had to fight off Deadpool, who showed no sign of exhaustion. "♫Tranquil as a forest, but on fire within.♫" They were now in a stream, balancing on a small rock in the middle, though the fillies were having a hard time. "♫Once you find your center, You are sure to win. You're a careless, young, weak-full lot, and you haven't got a clue.♫" Deadpool launched his arm into the stream and caught a decent sized fish, holding it like a trophy! "♫Somehow I'll make a mare out of you!!!♫" "♫I'm never gonna catch my breath♫" Scootaloo huffed, running through some thorns while following Deadpool, getting a lot of cuts on her. "♫Say goodbye to those who knew me.♫" Applebloom sang while swinging her warm wildly at Deadpool, who had one hand on her head preventing her to attack and was checking on his phone on what he missed back home (mostly dirty stuff). "♫Boy, was I a fool in school for cutting gym♫" Sweetie Belle Panted, falling right behind her friends in a jog around the field." ♫You're scaring these kids half to death♫ ♫Hope you guys don't see right through me.♫ "♫Now I really wish that I knew how to swim!♫" Deadpool sang, gasping for breath while failing to stay afloat in a kiddy pool with the CMC repeating the 'No Evil' monkeys. "♫We are mares!♫" the fillies sang together "♫We must be swift as a coursing river♫" "♫We a mares!!!♫" "♫With all the force of great ponies♫" "♫We are mares♫" "♫With all the strength of a raging fire, Mysterious as the dark side of mooncheeks!!!♫" Deadpool looked down at the three from the roof of their clubhouse, seeing that they were so tired that they couldn't even climb the very steps to their clubhouse. "Time is racing toward us till those brats arrive!!! Heed my every order and you might survive!!!" He jumped down to the three and started to walk away from them. You're unsuited for the rage of war, so pack up, go home you're through. How could I make a mare out of you?" The three took a final deep breath, looked at each other, and nodded. They got up onto their feet: Scootaloo tackled Deadpool! Deadpool, caught off guard, friend to throw her off, but Sweetie Belle ran around him with a rope, tying his legs up, causing Deadpool to fall. When he fell to the floor, immediately, Applebloom picked up her small hind legs and bucked the Merc across his face. Deadpool looked at how they did this and smirked. *During the chorus below, of course* "♫We are mares!♫" the fillies sang together "♫We must be swift as a coursing river♫" "♫We a mares!!!♫" "♫With all the force of great ponies♫" "♫We are mares♫" "♫With all the strength of a raging fire, Mysterious as the dark side of mooncheeks!!!♫" The fillies were then able to do all the things they couldn't do: Scootaloo ran through the thorns as if it were nothing, Applebloom tossed Deadpool over, impaling him in the branch of a tree, Sweetie Belle ran past her friends in their jog, catching up to Deadpool, and Deadpool breached the water, flying high in the air as if he were a dolphin with the fillies holding up signs. (Applebloom's had on it 'Appuls', Sweetie had a Volume 10 Dictionary, and Scootaloo's had a bucket of fried chicken from KFC) *same as last* "♫We are mares!♫" the fillies sang together "♫We must be swift as a coursing river♫" "♫We a mares!!!♫" "♫With all the force of great ponies♫" "♫We are mares♫" "♫With all the strength of a raging fire, Mysterious as the dark side of mooncheeks!!!♫" The three were in a straight row, wearing belts around their waists. Deadpool came walked back & forth in white karate with a black belt. "Good." Deadpool simply said "I'm just glad that montage got out of the way. I'd hate authors to actually ATTEMPT creating a full montage in detail instead of, oh, I don't know, not use a Mulan joke." "...I don't follow." Sweetie spoke "Never mind that. You've all been exceptional, but this isn't the end of your training. Keep practicing what I've taught you, and you'll get better. For now, I have gifts for you all." "Gifts!?!?!?" Scootaloo yelled "Really!?!?!?" "But of course. Since you're the first to be excited, come and get yours first." Scootaloo happily ran towards Deadpool. He pulled out a large bag almost out of nowhere and began to look through it. "Let's see here... HERE WE ARE!!!" Deadpool pulled out two Sais. "Giant forks?" "Kinda. These are Sais: weapons meant to help break your enemy's weapons and gain the upper hand. Perfect for shanking from behind... and Spaghetti night." "Thanks Master Deadpool!" "Indeed." Deadpool bowed respectfully, and Scootaloo returned the bow. She went back to her friends, holding the sais. "Sweetie Belle!" The unicorn walked up to him. Deadpool reached in the bag and pulled out a five foot pole. "A stick?" Sweetie Belle asked, feeling a bit jealous of Scootaloo. "No. This is a staff: made from pure bamboo, it has a long reach to help knock the s**t out of your enemies from a longer distant than the others. Plus," he turned it around and showed a button on it. he clicked it and a huge blade came out!!! "It doubles as a spear. Here you go." Sweetie used her magic to hold the spear and the two bowed to each other. She went back to the others, clicking on the button with her snout, making the blade go away. "Finally, Applebloom." The earth pony walked towards her master. "Applebloom... you have shown a lot of... I forgot. But, well... f**k it, here." He pulled out a pair of nunchucks. "What the hay are these?" the filly asked "Nunchucks. They act as a flashy way to distract your enemies before you beat the s**t out of them with those two wooden blocks. Plus, with that hula hoop you had earlier, I think you could fly, or, at the very least, glide without much noise." "Thank you, Sensai." "Hai!" They both bowed down to each other. "Now, I fear... we won't see each other for a while, but, we will remember it by one thing." "What is that?" Scoots asked, putting her Sais away. "...We take a selfie." "What's a selfie?" Sweetie Belle asked "I know what it is!" Applebloom exclaimed "Deadpool and ma sister had one! He just takes a picture with you, as a memory!" "Really?" Scootaloo asked "Well then, let's take it!" "Say 'COWABUNGA!!!'" Deadpool exclaimed "COWABUNGA!!!" the fillies cheered with a smile. Deadpool took a selfie with the trio of fillies!!! "And now, for your memory." "What is that?" Sweetie asked "THIS!!!" Deadpool lifted his hand reached over to one of her ears, and began to scratch it. She let out a gasp, then began to murmur to herself. "Sweetie... what's happening?" Scootaloo asked "You've... got to try this." Sweetie said very calmly. "There's room for everypony!!!" Deadpool exclaimed. The ponies tackled Deadpool, covering him in pure cuteness!!! He reached his hand out, touching Scoot's and Applebloom's ear, scratching their ears. they released a relaxed murmur themselves, along with some purring. 5 minutes of intense cute scratching later: Deadpool sat down upright, with all of the CMC all over him: Sweetie lied on the top of his head, Applebloom had her head on his right arm, and Scootaloo lied on his lap, all fast asleep. "Today was a good day." Deadpool simply said to himself. Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next? What's Next? A 'Five Nights at Freddy's' parody? Pony #29: SlenderMane/Pony/ColtDeadpool woke up after his snuggling with the CMC, still at their clubhouse but with it being in the middle of the night. Next to him was a simple flashlight with a note that read 'You should get home- The Cutie Mark Crusaders'. Without any problem with that suggestion, he turned on the flashlight and pointed it forward. Immediately, he saw a piece of paper on a tree. "What the-?" Deadpool asked to himself. He got up and looked at the piece of paper. 'Don't look or it takes you!' it read. Are we seriously doing this? What's next? A 'Five Nights at Freddy's parody?' "Roll Credits!" THE END!! "Just joking there folks. But seriously? Really N***a?" If I remember from the game, we had to collect a total of 8 pages, and Slenderman will chase us, becoming harder with each paper collected. But... if we're in Equestria... is this SlenderMane, Slenderpony, or... slendercolt? "I have no idea. But now, our game begins, and somepony's watching me and staring at me... probably looking at my booty. Booty... my booty... ♫Slendermane looking at my booty! My booty!!!♫" Deadpool turned around and saw a pony in the distance. It had no face, was super pale, wore a black suit with a red tie, and seemed to have tentacles coming out of his/her back. "Great. He's stalking me now. F**king stalking me... GO AWAY B***H!!! You don't know my life!!!" Deadpool teleported away, entering a bathroom. He found another page that read 'NoNoNo!!!'. He turned around and saw the strange pony, still standing but closer. "Go away! I already know you're F**king stalking me!!!" Another teleportation, and he found another note on a hay bale. He sat down on the hay bale, not even realizing that the ponified version of Slenderman was right behind him. "I don't even know why he wants me guys. He must've saw my a** and he like 'DAMN!!! I need that a**.' More teleportations later, he found all the rest of the pages. He saw the Slanderpony, standing over him as if it were a giant with it's tentacles wrapping around him. "Oh man! He wants to eat me!!! Or... want me to be his wife! I was a beautiful, young, and sexy lady. Anyone would've wanted me as their wife. They knew it." He teleported away, right on top by of a tree. Slendermane teleported next to him. Deadpool simply pushed the pony off, causing it to fall but grab onto the branches with it's tentacles. "GO AWAY!!! GO THE F**K AWAY!!!" He teleported to the ground, feeling the tentacles wrap around his neck. "Great... now he's above me. He smells me... tacos, I believe." The pony fell to him, opening it's 'mouth', revealing a lot of sharp white & triangular teeth!!! "I will NOT have pony babies!!! I'm not going to get prego by you! I don't even like pony p***s!!! I don't like it." Slendy pounced on Deadpool, but he teleported away, right behind him. "I tried it once and it was disgust- No no, never mind, another time." Slender got up and growled at him "I SEE YOU!!! I SEE YOU YOU LITTLE PONY B***H!!! I bet you got a little pony p***s!!! A tiny one... that's why he's mad folks." Another pounce, and Deadpool teleported away, now in a wedding gown, hiding in a corner of a tree. Slendy got up and marched right at him. "OH NONONONONO!!! YOU DID NOT SEE MY DRESS!!! THIS IS BULLS**T!!!" Slendy hissed at him. "Did he just f*****g hiss at me?" Deadpool walked towards the pony, who went back into it's normal form. "Dd you f*****g hiss at me, b***h?" Slendy went into a full barrage of teeth & tentacles, grabbing Deadpool and impaling him into a tree!!! Deadpool let out a scream-laugh mix as he was impaled, along with his chest being ripped open and his organs falling out!!! Slendy went back into it's regular pony form, staring at Deadpool, tilting it's head in curiosity. "Yeah B***h!!! This tickles now!" Deadpool grabbed the branch around him and Pulled himself out, landing on the floor with a loud 'FLOP!!!'. Slendy backed up a bit, seeing Deadpool not only laugh & pull himself out, but was also quickly healing as if nothing happened, replacing organs as well!!! "Say, why do you do this? Are you like a cliche'd demon from hell that kills for fun? An angel of death? Or did your father get lucky with an octopus?" At that moment, Slendy just turned around and ran away!!! "WAIT!!! Your p***s isn't that small!!!" Their chase lasted for a few minutes: Slendy ran away as fast as his legs could carry him, looking behind to see Deadpool catching up to him!!! Slendy used his tentacle to rip down some trees, forming a barrage to block Deadpool's path, but he teleported ahead, even closer to Slendermane! Slendy ran out of the woods he haunted and made it to the outskirts of Ponyville. He took some deep 'breaths', until he looked up, seeing predator-turned-prey. "SEFLIE!!!" Deadpool grabbed Slendy by the neck and, with his other, took a pic with the two together!!! Sledny 'screamed' as Deadpool carried him. "Geez. Camera-shy?" Out in the distance, the sun began to rise! Slendy attempted to break from Deadpool's grasp, but couldn't from Deadpool's strength. "Just look at it... it's so... romantic, isn't it?" The sun hit them both. Slendy 'screamed' again, as the sun hit him, he glowed, and Exploded!!! Deadpool looked around and, with no sign of Slendermane, now lied many small colts and fillies, each relatively the same age as the CMC, with a few exceptions. "Where did you all come from?" "W-w-we're alive?" a small green colt asked "Yes. Did something happen?" "He-He saved us!" A purple filly yelled "HE SAVED US!!!" The they all began to cheer! They lifted Deadpool up and had him land on their backs! Deadpool gave a curious look, but shrugged, put his arms behind his head, and allowed the small fillies & colts to carry him away on their backs. Author's Note Luna Fanbase. Pony # 30 and 31: Nightmare Moon and Woona. Luna Fanbase. Pony # 30 and 31: Nightmare Moon and Woona. The children he lied on sprinted towards ponyville. Some ponies began to exit their homes and looked out, seeing a swarm of young ponies running to them. Some of the older ponies began to tear up, seeing their children gone for such a long time. A beam of light came over Deadpool with some kids, and he was lifted up into the sky, though the kids were left alone. "Where are you going!?!?!?" A child asked "Do not fear, Children." Deadpool replied, mimicking Morgan Freeman "I must go: my people need me!!!" He lifted one arm into the air and was levitated at super speed, breaching planet's orbit!!! Deadpool, now in space, saw that he was heading towards the moon: the same place where ad been Luna had been banished in for 1000 years!!! Are we being banished for 1000 years? Highly unlikely: we saved those kids from the Slender-pony's evil grasp. "That thing was evil? I thought he was just gay and wanted the D." ...why? We gotta get outta!!! Quickly: A use a horrible joke Adam Sandler will use in another one of his cash grab movies!!! "Got it!!!" He flenched his buttcheeks with a loud grunt. What came out was a fart SO LOUD, that it woke everyone up on the planet's surface, broke every mirror & glass, and, for no reason why, Tirek's decapitated head came back to life (with the CMC near him). On Equestria. "What the-!?!?!?" Tirek asked "I'm... alive!?!?!?!? YES!!!" "AUGH!!!" Applebloom screamed "That freakin' centaur's still alive!?!?!?" "And it smells bad too!!!" Scootaloo added "TAKE THIS FOR COMING BACK ALIVE AND FARTING!!!" Sweetie Belle yelled, hitting the head over & over with her staff. "AUGH!!! Stop!!!" Tirek's head begged "I can't fart!!!" "Yeah right." Scootaloo replied "Hold up," Applebloom said with a grin "I got an idea." In a few moments, Sweetie Belle was in a referee outfit and both Applebloom & Scootaloo were in football gear. Scootaloo held onto the head and Applebloom rushed over to her and football kicked the head!!! Tirek went through a goal that was made with some hockey sticks. "This is torture beyond Tartarus level." Tirek grunted to himself. Back to the Lost Adam Sandler movie script for... Grown ups 3. Deadpool got out of the magical wormhole, going more into deep space. What did we eat!?!?!? "I eat pears." Deadpool replied to himself in his best Rick Ross voice. "Now I'm s***ing all like that." You do realize about gravity, right? I don't follow. Easy as this: we're still anding on the moon. "What do you-" Before he could finish, he fell down to the moon's surface, rolling on the floor roughly before crashing into a large boulder. "Oh- I get it!!!" "There you are." a villainous woman's voice was announced. Deadpool turned around and, standing in front of him, was another pony: she stood as tall as Celestia, had cat like iris's, had Princess Luna's mane, and was almost as black as the night. "OH S**T!!! Luna's on her period!!!" "Luna? No, I am NIGHTMARE MOON!!!" "... that's my second guess." "I have summoned you to-" "Take out the Mane 6, destroy the elements of harmony, kidnap or kill Celestia with the exception of armed guards, and make nighttime eternal." Nightmare froze in place and gave a questioned look. "How did you-?" "Look, you're a bit... one dimensional." "One dimensional?" "Until we learned you're actually the altered form of Princess Luna, you were just another villain that wanted to take over the world. Seriously, you villains ALWAYS develop the worst plans to take over the world!!!" "Alright then... how would YOU do it?" "Hey! don't ask me, I don't plan on world domination." "...why?" "When you rule everything, what's there to earn anymore?" She froze and stared into the distance. "I... never thought of that before." "Exactly!!!" "But there is one fault." "What is it?" "I'm not Luna, or, might I say, Luna isn't a part of me anymore." "...really?" "Yeah. Kinda hard to explain, but I came after you arrived." "... was there anypony else?" "Yeah. Come on out!!!" A cave was in the distance, and another pony came out: she looked like a young Luna, being somewhere between the twin's size and the CMC size, she was mostly gray all over the area, and she had both a small jewel piece and crown. "Woona!?!?!?" "That's her name?" "Oh S**T!!! My life is a living Moonstuck!!!" "...what?" "Nevermind, how do we get outta here?" "I can help!" Woona spoke in a squeaky voice. They both gasped and looked down at the filly. "There's a wocket ship that is powered by my cuteness!!!" "...and you never informed me on this?" nightmare spoke in an annoyed tone. "You never allowed me to speak. We both snuggled a lot." Nightmaregh, there was a blushed a bit. "How sweet." Deadpool commented, picking up the foal and petting her mane. "To the Rocket ship!!!" They all ran into the cave and, sure enough, there was a rocket large enough for the three to fit in! "Before we go, I say we should all take a selfie together." "A selfie?" the mares asked "It's a picture." "Sounds nice." nightmare commented. "My cuteness will be stored!!!" Woona exclaimed. The three got into the frame together and the picture was taken. They went into the ship and were fired back to Equestria!!! They had a rough landing, but they made it into a road that connected Manehatten to Canterlot. Deadpool pushed the door out of the way and they all exited. "Well," Deadpool said "it was nice meeting you. Where will you go?" "... I have no clue." nightmare responded "I wanted you to take over the world, but after seeing your perspective, I have no idea where to go next." "Don't forget me!!!" Woona added "Right... well... Go to Canterlot and find Princess Luna. Tell 'er that I sent you two for help, got it?" "We do." the two responded. Nightmare Moon levitated Woona onto her back and began to walk on the road towards Canterlot, before the two disappeared in a shadow. "That certainly was... anticlimactic. Are you getting tired, MrAquino?" No... shut up. Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next? (Apologies for this chapter. I was sick and watching some reviewers to understand their ways... just in case you want 'em in.) Home sweet... home? Ponies #32- 38: The Power Ponies: The Masked Matter-Horn, Fili-Second, Zapp, Radiance, Mistress Mare-velous, Saddle Rager, and Hum Drum."Really? You're going to get that support online?" SHUT UP!!! I need some support, okay? "Yeah... p***y." Know what? let's get this started. Deadpool traveled his way back to Ponyville, hopefully, nothing crazy would happen. "Please," he spoke "I enjoy the madness!!!" Yeah... you do. Well, as he traveled along the way, a lone comic book seems to glide over to him thanks to the wind, and landed on the Merc's face. Deadpool quickly took the comic off his face ad looked at it. A Power Ponies comic book? OOH!!! I remember that episode!!! "I think we all do. Think we should read it?" No. YES!!! "Hm..." Deadpool found a bit on the floor. "Heads, we read it, Tails, we don't." He flipped the coin and it landed on heads. "YES!!!" Deadpool opened a book and, before he even read anything, a portal opened up in the comic, sucking him in!!! He went through a spiraling vortex that reminded him a lot on how he came into the MLP universe. In a matter of seconds, his vision was blurry, but he regained it after a couple of blinks. He was on a rooftop of a building out in the night: a couple of car sounds were made, people's voices were heard, and a couple of other things reminded him of New York. Are we home? Sounds like we are. "THIS IS BULLS**T!!! Our adventure was never meant to-" A huge explosion was heard right below where he stood. Crazed laughter was followed with sirens blaring. Deadpool peaked over the area and saw a pony figure silhouette with tentacles, wrapping along it's surrounding and escaping. "Doc Ock? I don't remember him being a woman." He was in Spider-Man 2099 in that shattered dimension game. BOO!!! Deadpool teleported himself down to the explosion, which is revealed to be research facility. "Alright... our Doc Ock wannabe stole something from this area, is heading towards that direction. With my ninja skills, I-" "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!!!" a demanding voice yelled. Deadpool froze a bit. He turned around and, right before his eyes, was the Power Ponies!!! Though he remembered them being portrayed by the Mane 6 and Spike, these ponies were different looking: Masked Matter-Horn had a pink coat with a lighter mane, Fili-Second had a green coat with an orange mane, Zapp was grayish with a darker mane to match, Radiance was now yellow with a dark blue mane, Mistress Mare-velous was pale looking with a silver-blue mane, Saddle Rager was pink with a brown mane, and Hum Drum wasn't a dragon, but a green earth pony with a green-brown mane. "Any of you know this villain?" Masked Matter-Horn asked her team mates. They all responded with collective 'No's. "Alright. IDENTIFY YOURSELF!!!" Deadpool took a deep breath and cleared his throat. "Aye," he spoke in a pirate accent "the name be Deadpool: star of this famous fan fiction on Fimfiction.net." "Star of what?" Radiance asked "It doesn't matter." Zapp spoke "He will taste JUSTICE!!!" "WHAT!?!?!?" Deadpool spoke "I'm not the bad guy here! In fact, I'm a good guy like you guys." "With an outfit and look like that," Mare-velous spoke "Sure." "Oh please. Haven't you had a hero that looked liked he or she could kill someone but is nice?" They all shook their heads in a 'No' way. "We have no idea what you're doing here," Saddle Rager spoke "but we will NOT let you get away!!!" "Especially from me!" Fili-Second added. "Maybe," Deadpool responded "but I'm telling you, I'm not the bad guy here!!! The real villain is out there, and I believe she has a device that could-" "SILENCE!!!" Matter-Horn interrupted "Surrender now or we'll do this the hard way!!!" "Wait!" Humdrum spoke, running in front of his teammates "Maybe he really is telling the truth! We should listen and-" "Humdrum," Radiance spoke, summoning a large glove to soot him out of the way "you've got to learn that, though we can't always judge a book by it's cover, there are exceptions. Just look at the Mane-iac." "Mane-iac." Deadpool spoke "THAT'S HER!!! The Mane-iac stole something and is-" "Want me to handle 'im?" Mare-velous asked her teammates. "Go ahead." Saddle Rager Spoke "Let's see if you can beat him in your time record." "Challenge accepted!" She pulled out horse shoes from the episode and threw it at Deadpool. Deadpool reacted by doing a backflip and bending his knees down like Keanu Reeves in "The Matrix", but with more personality. They all gasped at what he did. "And that's how we do it!!!" Deadpool yelled, doing a dance. "...That's it!!!" She charged at Deadpool and tried to punch him in the face. Deadpool dodged her punch from a couple of inches, grabbed her by the hoof, and swung her into a car, smashing it a bit!!! She got up from the wreckage, snorted, summoned her whip and tossed it! The whip successfully wrapped itself around him, but Deadpool teleported away, right next to her, grabbed her by the mane, and slammed her head on the car!!! She fell to the floor limp, knocked out. everyone else gasped at what he did. "YOU!!!" Zapp yelled, holding her necklace in her hoof, summoning a cloud with lightning. "YOU'LL DIE FOR HURTING MY BEST FRIEND!!!" A lightning bolt came from the cloud and was about to hit Deadpool. He teleported out of the way, right next to her face and grabbed her mane. She tried to shake him off, but Deadpool held on very tightly with one hand and used the other to punch her face! A lightning bolt was fired at him, but he let go, letting Zapp get electrocuted by her own lightning bolt! She fell to the floor, burning with some smoke coming off her. Radiance used her magic and made a cage around Deadpool, followed by her making the cage close in on him! Again, he teleported out, landing in front of Radiance and was about to punch. His fist was stopped, As Fili-Second grabbed a hold of his arm. The heroine let go, but released a barrage of hooves punching his face, gut, and groin!!! Deadpool fell to the floor, holding his hands over his nuts,wheezing a bit. "Had enough?" Fili-Second asked inches from his face. Deadpool simply head-butted her, instantly knocking her out! He was quickly grabbed by Radiance's magic, all his arms & legs feeling they were pulled apart. He broke the magic with one of his arms, grabbed the other, and threw the other at her! She felt the impact of her own magic on her head, struggled to stand still, but fell to the floor, also knocked out. He then felt his chest was missing something. Looking down, he saw a huge hold was made in his stomach!!! He looked around and saw Masked Matter-Horn's horn steaming a bit. "You forced my hooves!!!" she spoke "Ha!" Deadpool replied "Like that'll stop me!!!" "What do you- AUUGH!!!" The hole in Deadpool's chest began to heal quickly, replacing the organs, muscles, skin, and clothing he wore! He ran up to her and simply uppercutted her! She fell to the floor, weakened and surprised at what happened! He turned and saw the last of them: Saddle Rager stood there with shouted eyes, tears developing in her eyes, then reopened them, showing red!!! "Oh S**t." He said. Saddle Rager went from her small posture, to, with bones cracking, a huge pony with a lot of muscles!!! She roared at the Merc, who went from being all bad*** to being a p***y. "HEY!!!" Saddle Picked up one of her large hooves, grabbed him by the neck, jumped super high into the air until they were out of the planet's orbit, circled around the sun, and dived right back to the city in a ball of fire!!! A huge crater was formed in the streets, and Deadpool, despite being burnt to a crisp, healed quickly, going back to his usual form. Saddle eager gave an even more furious look. "WHY WON'T YOU DIE!?!?!?" she yelled "Because I'm Dead-Mother F***ing-Pool!!!" "HERE!!!" Humdrum yelled, throwing something at Deadpool. Deadpool teleported out of Saddle's grasp and grabbed what Humdrum threw: some syringes. With any question, he teleported onto Saddle's back, pulled out the syringes, and injected them in the back of her neck!!! She tried to buck him off, but the Syringes made her move slowly, and soon, she fell to the floor, unconscious as well. She went back into her normal form, though her costume will need some serious stitching. "Thanks. Why did you help?" "I'm not a genius, but I know when someone has or hasn't done anything wrong. You can help us out!" "Really?" "Yeah! Come on, we gotta take 'em back to H.Q." "And where is that?" A few hours later: The Power Ponies began to wake up at the same time. Their base resembled that of Batman's Batcave, but with more pony stuff around and having stuff that looks like it belonged to a traditional base. Deadpool and Humdrum walked to the waking ponies, though Deadpool had on a gambler's hat with a cigarette in his 'mouth'. They all gasped at the sight of Deadpool. "HUMDRUM!!!" Matter-Horn yelled "WHY IS HE HERE!?!?!?" "Relax," Humdrum explained "He's not guilty as you think. He was there when the crime happened, but he never committed it. Don't you what I told you all when we first met?" "Oh... right." Zapp said, rubbing the back of her mane "How do you know he ain't using you?" Mare-velous asked "If I did wanted to kill you," Deadpool said "I would've done it right away. when you were all knocked out." "YOU SLAMMED MY HEAD ON A CAR!!!" "She slammed me on the concrete!!!" he pointed at Saddle. Saddle blushed a bit and rubbed the back of her mane. "I did." Saddle bashfully replied "...Alright." Radiance Spoke "I guess we can trust him." "Hey!!!" Fili spoke "We should all take a Seflie!!!" "MOTHER F***ER!!!" Deadpool yelled "That's my line!!!" "Ah! I now see what makes you tick!" "Fine," Matter-Horn spoke "but our camera is broken, so there's no way we could-" "I have it right here." Deadpool spoke, holding out his phone. "...I guess that'll work." Deadpool slid in between their beds with Humdrum in his arm. "SAY 'JUSTICE'!!! "JUSTICE!!!" they all yelled together. the picture was taken. "With that out of the way," Saddle spoke "you said the Mane-iac stole something?" "Oh yes." Deadpool replied "... I think I know where she's going." Fili spoke. Author's Note Become a Patron here: https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino Who should Deadpool meet next? (Though I already know the answer) No Mane 6 as the heroes, trying to follow the IDW comics reimagining (though I never read it no have it) Also: Pony up!!! *Insert an original evil team name here* Pony # 39-45: Pharaoh Phetlock, Long-Face, Smudge, High Heel, Shadowmane, and Mane-iac!!! *Insert an original evil team name here* Pony # 39-45: Pharaoh Phetlock, Long-Face, Smudge, High Heel, Shadowmane, and Mane-iac!!! The whole team, with Saddle-Rager, Zapp, and Masked Matter-Horn carrying Deadpool, made it to an abandoned cave that was shaped like a skull. "Really?" Deadpool asked "A skull cave?" "This is was recently discovered after an earthquake." Matter replied "With some luck, the Mane-iac should be inside!" Fili-Second exclaimed "So let's go in and take 'er in!!!" Mare-velous yelled, charging in. Radiance used her magic to make a giant glove that held onto Mare-velous' tail "As much as we would love to go in there," Radiance spoke "We mustn't charge in immediately." "Right," Saddle added "she may have her Hairspray of doom again!" "Always with her hairspray of doom," Zapp groaned to herself "and I doubt she'll let Humdrum go after that stunt we did to her the last time we brought her in." "I had to save you all!" Humdrum replied "And she was going to turn ever pony crazy like her!" "And we're proud of you for that," Matter-Horn spoke, rustling the small colt's mane "Power Ponies: stay together and be quiet! That includes you too, Deadpool." She turned and saw Deadpool was gone. "Deadpool?" Inside, our merc tip-toed in the cave, making very few sounds. ]You think we should've stayed behind and listened? Since when did you become the voice of reason? Not just that, but to knock them out and bring 'em in to Mane-iac. Hey, we may not be heroes all the time, but we aren't d***s "Silence you two!" Deadpool shushed himself "I hear something." Our merc was right, as he heard some chatting going on along with some evil laughter. He teleproted closer, going onto the ceiling, looking down below. A group of ponies sat around a table, one of them was the Mane-iac, still the same as from the Power Ponies episode, but five other ponies were there: A grey coat colored pharaoh looking earth pony; a pegasus pony that looked like a mix between a mime & the Crow (check it out, it was Bruce Lee's son's first movie before he died before his career began); a black pony with a red outline & eyes that seemed to move as if it were a blob; a light tan colored unicorn mare with a red horn that matched her dress, had a Sombra looking purple mane, boots around her legs & wore a blue crown on her head; and there was a purple wearing pony with a black hoodie & mask, showing only bright yellow eyes. "You actually did it!?!?!?" The Pharaoh pony asked with glee in his voice "I did!" Mane-iac replied "I'm just glad Shadowmane was there to help me to retrieve the orb back." "Yes." the hooded pony named 'Shadowmane' responded in a calm voice "Their security is very lacking the last time. Almost a waist of my time." "You should've took me then!" the blob pony responded in an altered, nearly growling voice. "I would've had much fun!" "You would, Smudge," the Sombra looking pony responded "but tell me: could you really make it back without leaving a trail?" "Says you, High Heel! Can you even go anywhere without shoe shopping!?!?!?" "YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!" the two growled at each other, nearly landing their muzzles on each other. the mime pony stood between them, releasing only a lone 'Shh'. the two calmed down, still looking at each other. "Thank you, Long Face." the Pharaoh responded with a simple nod. "Why do you need this?" Mane-iac asked, carrying the same orb from the last time "Surely, this can help us, Pharaoh Phetlock." Shadowmane responded "It will." Phetlock replied. "We will soon be able to not just beat the power ponies one time, but multiple times!!!" "What do you mean?" Smudge asked. Phetlock got up and walked to a curtain. "Easy. My friends, I give you..." he pulled the curtain down, showing a machine that had two half orbs on it with a circle platform in the two half spheres. "OUR OWN CLONING MACHINE!!!" "A cloning machine!?!?!?" High Heel yelled "I don't want anypony to be as beautiful as me!!!" "Don't worry: these clones will be modified to follow us and only us! They'll be stupid and dependent on us, but share the same skills we have now!!!" "More sludge monsters like me?" Smudge asked with hope in his voice "More thieves like me?" Shadow Mane asked very interested "More psychopaths like me!?!?!?" Mane-iac asked, followed by her cackling "More attractive mares like me?" High Heel asked with some jealousy in her tone. Long Face held up a sign that simply said 'more actors like me?'. "Yes!" the Pharaoh replied "Soon, All of the world will bow beneath our hooves!!! I just need a test subject to see if it works." "You're answer's right here!!!" Deadpool yelled. All the villains gasped and looked up: Deadpool let of of the ceiling and fell to the floor, landing on the floor face first with his face splattering the floor!!! "...That was... weird." Smudge replied "That was hilarious!!!" Mane-iac yelled "DO IT AGAIN!!!" Deadpool lifted his head up, having it heal quickly in front of them. "Sorry." Deadpool replied with a fully healed face "That'll cost you 100 bits!" "WHAT THE-!?!?!?" they all yelled "Who are you!?!?!?" Shadowmane asked, holding a dagger "Relax," Deadpool responded, teleporting into a standing pose. "the name's 'Deadpool', Merc with a mouth as people in my place call me." "Deadpool," Pharaoh replied "sounds evil enough. I see you have a quick healing factor and can teleport. Anything else you can do?" "Well, I-" "Can you shoot lasers from your eyes!?!?!?" Mane-iac asked. The memories came back... damn you wolverine prequel... ruining his image. "...No. Neither do I have blades in my arms. I am a master of martial arts, marksman, gigolo, actor, translator in various languages, and the most unpredictable thing on earth." "How so?" high Heel asked "Like this." He stood silently, not even moving nor blinking for a solid minute. "I don't get i-" She stopped and smelled the air. "UGH!!! THAT'S DISGUSTING!!!" What do you me-" Mane-iac asked, but smelled the air as well. She too went into a gaging position, falling to the floor. Long Face picked up some clothespins and put them over his nostrils, Shadowmane pulled out a gas mask, and Smudge laughed at the women. "Good one." Smudge replied, laughing almost uncontrollably. "How immature." Shadowmane's voice muffled through his mask. Deadpool picked up a can of Febreeze and sprayed the air, making the place smell good once again. The females took a deep breath, taking in the fresh air and smelling it. "Enough!!!" Pharaoh Phetlock barked "We're not going anywhere until we-" "STARTING TEST!!!" Deadpool yelled in a lab coat, shoving the orb into a hole and activating the machine. All the villains ran away, as a bright light was turned on!!! In a puff of smoke, everything went dark, and the machine hissed. The villains looked out of their hiding spots, seeing Deadpool was unharmed, but a pony stood next to him. Deadpool looked down and the pony looked up: the pony had on Deadpool's suit with no mane or tail showing. "HOLY S**T!!!" The two yelled "A HUMAN/PONY ME!!!" "I-incredible." Phetlock stuttered "I-i-it works!" "We'll say!!! Say, what do you enjoy? I enjoy tacos!!! You too!?!?!?" "I thought you'd say he'd be stupid." High Heel sneered at Phetlock. "I think he's already stupid." Shadowmane commented, watching the two Deadpools slap across each other's faces. "that was a simple test," Phetlock said "We'll clone five more of ours!!!" "Five more?" Smudge asked "So we can defeat our nemesis with our own help of us!!!" "I love it!!!" Mane-iac yelled, laughing maniacally!!! The machine was activated again, another flash of light, and more steam came out: six deadpools were now there: three humans with one being all orange & the other being blue and three pony Deadpools, also like the human's. "Don't worry," Human Pool spoke "We got it all covered." Pony pool added "How are we even here?" The blue pools asked "I LOVE THESE FICTIONS!!!" The Orange pools yelled. All the Deadpools stepped out, allowing the villains to enter their machine. Another light, a puff of smoke, Behold: 5 clones of each villain, standing blankly with drool falling from their mouths. "YES!!!" The villains cheered together. "Our Nemeses will be defeated!!!" Mane-iac yelled with crazed laughing "Nothing will stand in our way!!!" Phetlock yelled "All will cower at us!!!" Smudge yelled "They will obey us!!!" High Heel added "And Evil will triumph." Shadow Mane added, though not yelling like his allies. Long face held up a sing that said 'Never go backward. Attempt, and do it with all your might. Determination is power.' "What a nerd." The orange human pool commented. "How can we repay you for testing this machine out?" Phetlock asked "... A seflie!!!" All the pools yelled, pulling out their cameras! Without any question, a selfie was taken with the villains. "DEADPOOL!?!?!?" the power ponies voices yelled They all turned and saw the group of heroes, standing with their jaws open. "TRAITOR!!!" Mare-velous yelled "GO!!!" Phetlock yelled at his clones "team up with one of my friends and deal with their nemesis!!!" "SAME THING GOES WITH YOU!!!" All the other villains told their clones. Without much of a word, each member of the power ponies (except Humdrum), battled their arch nemesis that used their powers against them with the help of their allies' clones, outnumbering each power pony 6 to 1!!! Radiance battled against Long face, who used Mime-like abilities to battle her summoning/altering abilities; Smudge wrapped himself around Zapp & tried to hold her down to take the necklace away from her; Mare-velus and Shadowmane used various gadgets to gain the upper hand from each other; Both Saddle-Rager and High Heel turned into hulking mosnters & there each other around; Fili-Second dodged Pharaoh Phetlock's sand attacks that formed into various Egyptian themed weapons, and Mane-iac used her mane to dodge Matter-Horn's blasts, even grabbing her and throwing her like a rag doll. "Think we should redeem ourselves?" the blue pools asked "Nah," the orange pools asked "this is interesting." "If this is a comic book, I guess we should help out the heroes." the regular pools spoke. "Come on: let's fight off those clones." "How?" both orange and blue pools asked. "...easy." Both Deadpool's pulled out a taco out of the back of their pockets. they released a whistle. Just when it looks like the villains were going to beat their rival, all their cones turned to the whistle. Their tongues lobbed out and ran up to the Deadpools with their tacos. They simply threw their tacos out of a wall. All of the clones foolishly followed it, followed by some screaming: the hole lead to a cliff that, below, was connected to the ocean. "DEADPOOL!!!" Pharaoh yelled, using his sand to hold Fili-second "What are you doing." "I forgot to mention this," the Deadpools spoke "I'm an excellent liar. I'm an Anti-hero: I walk between good and evil. I'm just doing this for the heck of it." All the pools charged at their own target: human blue charged at Long Face, pony blue for High Heel, orange human at Shadowmane, orange pony at Smudge, regular human at Mane-iac, and orange pony at Pharaoh!!! The battle was intense, as the pools and the hero they were with battled against the villain, using whatever they can to defeat them. the result was this: Long Face was trapped in a cage by Radiance, Shadowmane was blinded by a camera before being knocked out unconsciously, High Heel was now buried under ten feet of boulders, Smudge was now trapped inside a giant jar with electricity in the sides, the Mane-iac was wrapped up by her own mane, and Pharaoh Phetlock was sucked back into a sarcophagus, wrapped in cloth like a mummy. "We'll get out of this!!!" Mane-iac yelled, still laughing like a lunatic "And when we do, we'll have our revenge!!!" "In your dreams." Masked Matter-horn replied "Thanks for helping us, Deadpool. We couldn't have done it without you." "And I was beginning to like him." Smudge remarked under his breath. "It was nothing," Deadpool replied. "And once again, the day was saved, thanks to-" before he could finish, a wormhole appeared above him and sucked him up!!! Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next? Become a Patreon today @ https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino Become a fan on Facebook @ https://www.facebook.com/MrAquinowuvsponiesandDeadpool?ref=bookmarks Old Videogame that would probably look cool if ponified or brought back with ponies: NOTICE ME EQUESTRIA DAILY!!! Pony #46 and 47: The Great & Powerful Trixie and Sethisto NOTICE ME EQUESTRIA DAILY!!! Pony #46 and 47: The Great & Powerful Trixie and Sethisto Earlier: A lone unicorn mare with a pale cornflower mane & paler stripes, an azure coat, and wearing a purple magician outfit that had yellow & blue stars & circles all over it's hat and cape, picked up the comic book Deadpool was in. Next to her was a unicorn stallion that had a short, red, fuzzy mane with a yellow coat. "Hm... Trixie could use this in her next performance." She spoke to herself "With my help, right?" The unicorn asked all in awe, having small hearts come out from his face. "Of course. Do you still have that Power Pony costume you bought for Nightmare Night?" "I do." "Well get into it! We have a show to perform!!!" A few hours and decent show later Trixie stood on a stage with hundreds of ponies looking at her, most with a bored looking face, but the foals seems to really enjoy it. "And now," Trixie spoke "the Great and Powerful Trixie will use her magic to summon a famous superhero from this comic book!!!" In the back, the unicorn stallion had on a Mistress Mare-velous costume, ready to jump out when she gave the signal. "With my words, the hero will come out! 'Hear me spirits of the other land, give me the power to summon a lad, for a minute or two, I summon you!!!'" The comic book began to glow & float in the air! It opened it's pages and the silhouette of a famous human came out. he landed on his feet, but doing a pose like Arnold Schwarzenegger from Terminator. He stood up, and the crowd gasped at who it was. "DEADPOOL!!!" Deadpool yelled, pointing at the crowd. Silence was made, followed a large cheer from the crowd. Flowers were thrown at him, and he teleported away for a bit, returning with a suit on and holding an Oscar. "I'm sorry Leonardo DiCaprio, but... I won!!! I couldn't have done this without you!!! Thank you! THANK YOU!!!" The unicorn stallion came out of the back, removing his mask, and went to Trixie. "Was that the signal?" He asked "Not at all." Trixie replied, gawked at what had happened. The curtains closed on Deadpool, though the crowd was still cheering for his entrance. Deadpool teleported next to the two, carrying both in his arms. "Trixie!!!" Deadpool yelled "And... Sethisto!?!?!?" "He knows my name!!!" Sethisto yelled "He... knows me?" Trixe asked, shaking with fear. "Of course I do!" Deadpool replied "Trixie: you're a magician that loves pinecones & peanut butter crackers, hates wheels, tried to take over Ponyville,and this guy's crush!" "WHAT!?!?!?" "And Sethisto: You're the creator of Equestria Daily and super Trixie fan!!!" "I am!" Sethisto replied with a cat-like smile that looks like it could belong to an anime. "Say... care to put this awesome story on Equestria Daily?" "...what story?" Deadpool dropped the two "BRONIES AND PEGASISTERS AT HOME!!! Submit this story to Equestria Daily now!!! Spread my awesomeness across the internet!!!" "Who is he taking to?" Trixie asked "Maybe his mind." Sethisto That guy's a little close on that one. No he isn't. "DO IT BRONIES!!! DO IT!!!" "...I'm a bit scared of him." "I find him funny!" Deadpool turned around to the two. Trixie ran behind Sethisto, cowering a bit. "Trixie," Sethisto spoke "I don't think he's going to hurt us." "True," Deadpool replied, teleporting and carrying Trixie in his arms. "I would've killed you before, but after seeing how the Brony fandom loves you, I'll allow you to live." "Uh... thanks?" Trixie replied in a confused tone. "Trixie!" Sethisto yelled "Perhaps Deadpool can help you with your next show!!!" "You really think so?" "Yeah!!! Deadpool, can you help us out?" "Hm... YES!!!" Deadpool replied, tossing Trixie in the air. She screamed a bit, but was caught before she fell to the floor. "So... care to alter things a bit?" "What do you mean?" she asked "I can play instruments." Sethisto said. "THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH!!!" Deadpool replied "Living Tombstone... I hope you enjoy this." An hour later: The place was cleaned up and a new crowd, with some of the old, entered the area to see the show. Among them, there was the mane 6, the princesses, Spike, some of the weird O.C.s he met, and other ponies that he may or may not have meet before. The curtains rolled up: Sethisto stood there with some instruments and played a tune. A puff of Smoke, and Trixie appeared. "♫I'm Trixie, Welcome to the show,♫" Trixie sang. "♫Got Magic tricks so here we go! We're gonna have some fun, hold on to your hats.♫" A puff of Red smoke, and Deadpool appeared next to her. The newcomers gasped at his appearance, and the others cheered for him still here. "♫We don't care who you are anymore,♫" Deadpool sang right back "♫Just pack your things go out the door. You claim that your performing, don't make us laugh.♫" "♫I have something more!♫" "♫We've seen it before.♫" "♫It's much more special!♫" "♫We'd rather be in hell.♫" "♫It might be the same act, be patient you'll see. You can call it fake, but this is real magic!!! Real Magic!!!♫" The two performed a dance together that looked like it could be used with canes. "♫Look as I make stuff levitate,♫" Trixie sang, doing all the stuff she sang aloud. "♫Making a rope act like a snake, and of course the famous bunny from a hat! Got magic cards and so much more, I even brought fireworks For all of you to all to enjoy♫" "♫Who cares about that, it's all the same thing,♫" Deadpool sang right back. "♫All the same tricks we've seen before♫" "♫It might be the same act, be patient you'll see. You can call it fake, but this is real magic!!! Real magic!!!♫" The two performed many famous magician things including: Deadpool performing the simple, super long scarf, Trixie eating a Pinecone, Deadpool exiting a straight jacket without teleporting, Trixie balancing on a stack of cans that stood twelve feet in the air, and Deadpool, with the help of Sethisto, throwing knives around around the unicorn wit him blindfolded and gagged. The two then stared down at each other "♫Why do you still want to perform? We tried to tell you all along that this act is old, you have to face that!♫" "♫I heard all what you have said, but I don't think I should be mad. The most important thing is to enjoy what you do!♫" "♫But it doesn't make sense!!!♫" "♫It doesn't change a thing.♫" "♫Even if we say it's bad-♫" "♫I'm still performing!♫" "♫It might be the same act-♫" "♫Be patient, you'll see.♫" "♫You can call it fake,♫" the two sang together, with Deadpool holding Trixie in one of his arms while Trixie's hoof was held around his neck. "♫But this is real magic!!! Real Magic!!!♫" Deadpool dropped Trixie, to which she landed on her feet like a cat. she got onto her hind legs and the two performed a Tango-like dance. When the music ended, they both disappeared in a puff of smoke that had both red & white in it. the crowd cheered at that they saw. Unbeknownst to the crowd, Deadpool and Trixie were right above them, sitting on the wood above them. Tears came right from Trixie's face, but she smiled at how they were reacting. "Deadpool." Trixie spoke "Yeah?" The merc replied "Trix- I wanted to say... thank you." "It's not just me. Thank Sethisto for helping us out with his music." the two looked at the stange, seeing Sethisto waving towards the crowd while taking away his instruments. Trixie could't really tell, but Sethisto saw her with Deadpool and waved towards them. the stallion took all his instruments back and the curtains closed right behind him. Deadpool picked up Trixie and teleported to the back. Trixie got out of the Merc's grip and ran towards Sethisto, giving him a huge hug!!! "What the-!?!?!?" Sethisto yelled in question, but went back to his calm self, feeling Trixie rubbing her head onto his chest. "We did it!" Trixie yelled "Sethisto... I'm... sorry for treating you so badly. Thank you for being with me, even if it looks like we're going to fail." "Hey, Trixie, it's no biggie. You may not have noticed, but... well... it's hard to say it, but... perhaps-" "Spill it out." Deadpool commented. Sethisto made a scrunch face and swallowed hard. "Well... I... love you." Trixie's ears flattened, her mouth went wide open, and her eyes grew into the size of dinner plates. "T-I have no idea what to say." She replied "Don't. It sounds stupid, but I do love you!" "Well... Trixie loves you too." "...Really!?!?!?" "Yes!!! Even more than her fans!!!" "... Shall we?" "Oh yes! We shall!!! but first," she turned to Deadpool "how can we thank you?" "A selfie will do." Deadpool replied "Selfie!?!?!?" "It's a picture." Sethisto replied "Oh... Alright! Trixie will have her beauty contained for the ages to come!!!" "That's the Trixie I know and love!!!" "Say 'Crackers'!!!" Deadpool yelled "CRACKERS!!!" the two yelled. A picture was taken. "Now, I'll leave you two alone. My destiny calls for somepony else." He disappeared in a simple puff of red smoke. the two stood there in awkward silence. "So," Sethisto said, rubbing the back of his mane awkwardly "should we- UMPH!!!" Without a warning, Trixie grabbed Sethisto by the back of his mane, threw her head in, and planted her lips onto his. Sethisto struggled at first, but then calmed down quickly, enjoying her kiss, then returned with his own kiss. They both accidentally kicked a lamp down, and the two's kissing silhouette was seen to the crowd. Mana 'Dawws' were heard. "Look at that." Cadence spoke "Another work from Deadpool?" "Maybe," her husband, Shining Armor, replied "its kinda like us, don't you think?" "Yeah. Think their relationship will work?" "I won't deny any bumps will be there, but they should make it. Look at us." "True, very true." Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next? Become a Fan here: https://www.facebook.com/MrAquinowuvsponiesandDeadpool Become a Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino Hopefully, this is good for you, Living Tombstone. If it were Deadpool with Trixie, it may have looked like this(sorry for lack of color): It's clobberin' time!!! Pony #48: Maud Pie. It's clobberin' time!!! Pony #48: Maud Pie. Deadpool teleported out of the area to the outside: the area was somewhere in Ponyville, it was night, and, being the man we all know and love and not pointing a gun to my head for not doing this chapter in the first place, wandered who he'd meet next. The door opened and he jumped into a bush, hiding from the crowd of ponies exiting the building, talking about the show he was in. Deadpool peaked out and got a closer look: Twilight had the small Alicorn-Nightmare Moon filly Nyx (look man, I was just following that woman's request, no need to put that gun to my head... No, I never read it, and neither did you.) & Fluffle Puff, who had Marksaline lie down on her back and Celesita had the horrible looking Tydal while Luna had both Nightmare Moon & Woona with her. "I must say," Luna spoke "I was quite surprised to meet you both together out of my castle before Deadpool's performance here." "Indeed." Nightmare Moon replied "I'm jot really sure why Woona here never told me about this." "We don't want wowld domination." Woona replied in a baby like voice. "Think they appeared with Tydal?" Celestia asked "What do you mean 'appeared'?!?!?!?" Tydal asked "I've been your older brother, sisters!!!" "I'll have to look into that." Twilight spoke "I'm just trying to keep an eye on these three. Nyx keeps calling me her teacher, I have no idea why Fluffle Puff keeps following me, and Marksaline... well-" "You're not easy with us, are you?" the necromporph asked "...yeah." "Don't hurt us!" Nyx pleaded "Pthphtpthptthptphpttp" Fluffle 'spoke'. "He proved himself worthy, so we won't attack anymore." Marksaline replied "But we still hunger." "These new ponies keep getting weirder and weirder." Applejack commented "Yeah," Rainbow Dash added "what's next? A pony named 'Screwball' that claimed to be Discord's and Fluttershy's Daughter?" Fluttersh froze and stared awkwardly, sweating a bit at the idea of her and Discord having a child. EW!!! I don't even want to imagine that!!! I agree. That would be terrifying. The ponies all began to leave, talking to the new, more stranger ponies around them. Something, however, wasn't right: all of them seemed to be there, but one pony was missing. Not Trixie nor Sethisto, the Power Ponies are where they belong, but who could be- "Whatcha doing?" a high pitch voice asked with rustling from a nearby bush. "WHAT THE-!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled, jumping out of his bush and falling onto the floor with his back. The bush moved, and Pinkie's face and mane came right out. "Were you being a ninja like how you taught the Cutie Mark Crusaders? If so, I have to say, you weren't great: real ninjas never get caught by me and my Pinkie sense... or have they?" "What are YOU doing?" "Wanted to know if you would like to hang out with me, perhaps have a slumber party." "A slumber party? I don't really-" "My sister Maud will be there." "DONE!!!" The two were in Pinkie's room, sitting on the bed together. Before, Pinkie made an arrangement for her and Maud to spend the night together while the cakes & their kids were away on a family vacation. Luckily, Maud agreed and was heading towards their area. On their bed, Deadpool, Pinkie, and Gummy had cards in their hands/hooves (though Gummy seemed to try to eat his cards). "UNO!!!" Deadpool yelled, placing down a queen of hearts "GO FISH!!!" Pinkie yelled, placing down two cards that both had two diamonds. Gummy couched out his cards with a belch. "ROYAL FLUSH!?!?!?" The two yelled, seeing Gummy had a ten, jack, queen, king, and ace all at once. Some knocking was heard below. "I'll get it!!!" Pinkie cheered with glee. "You two get along!!!" In a zip, the pink pony disappeared. Deadpool looked at Gummy and gave him a stern look. "You're luck you're an alligator!!!" Deadpool sneered at the derp eyed reptile "If you were a pony, I'd throw you out of this casino!!!" Gummy bit onto Deadpool's face, holding himself on as Deadpool got up and tried to yank him off. This alligator, despite not having any teeth, held on quite well. Deadpool continued to yank him off, but Gummy held on very tight. Pinkie ran down the stairs and opened the door: a Persian bluish gray coated with a grayish blue violet mane & tail earth pony stood there. She had a dress that was dark blue all over, had a black belt around her waist area, covering the rest of her body and cutie mark. "MAUD!!!" Pinkie exclaimed, hugging her sister, who gave the same disinterested face & hallway closed eyes. "Hello Pinkie," Maud replied sounding both relaxed and bored. "you know this isn't part of our tradition, right?" "I do!!! I just want you to meet my new friend, DEADPOOL!!!" "...Sounds dangerous." "He is! He's the most dangerous thing we've ever meet!!! He unalived Tirek with a clean swipe from his sword. "I can still hear you!!!" Tirek's voice yelled. The two looked, as, with broken glass around, the decapitated head of Tirek lied on the floor, staring at the two. "I HATE IT DOWN HERE!!! Help me kill Deadpool and I will gladly make you my number 2 when Equestria is mine!!!" "AUGH!!! ZOMBIE!!!" Pinkie ran to the head and football kicked Tirek out of the same hole he entered, flying through space until... well, another time, we'll meet him again. "Was that Tirek?" Maud asked, having some concern in her voice "Oh, him? Yeah, but don't worry, he's no problem to us! How is he alive, though?" "GET OFF ME!!!" Deadpool's voice yelled across the house, followed by a large crash. "Is that Deadpool?" Maud asked "It is!" Pinkie responded "Give me a moment!!!" She ran to her room and opened the door: She immediately backed up, seeing Deadpool run into a wall, having Gummy still on his face!!! For some weird reason, Deadpool knocked into a record player and Ram Jam's "Black Betty" began to play. Pinkie rapidly began to run everywhere, trying to help Deadpool get Gummy off his face, but Wade Wilson kept running around wildly, not even knowing what was going on (though, he never paid much attention to anything). Maud walked in and saw the madness, as Deadpool fell the the floor, running on the floor as if he were Homer Simpson doing his 'Whooping'. Silently, but focused, she pulled out her pet rock, a pebble named 'Boulder', and threw it. Deadpool got up and Boulder ricocheted of Deadpool's head, bounced off the ceiling, and landed right back in Maud's front pocket. Deadpool fell to the floor, unconscious. "Good Boulder." Maud spoke to her pebble, pulling it out of her pocket and petting it "GUMMY!!!" Pinkie yelled. She ran over and pulled Gummy off, leaving a trail of saliva that traveled from Deadpool's face to Gummy's mouth. "Mister! How many timed do I have to tell you: NO BITING GUESTS!!!" Gummy stared into deep space. "Giving me the silent treatment, eh? We'll discuss what to do with you in the morning, but for now, it's time or you to sleep!!!" Pinkie carried the toothless alligator into the room where the twins slept in and placed Gummy in one of the cribs. She returned to her room, seeing Maud staring at Deadpool as he snorted in his sleep. "Did I do something wrong?" Maud asked "Oh, you didn't. Hang on, I know a way to wake him up." She disappeared and zipped downstairs for a little bit. Maud on curious what Deadpool really looked like, she slowly walked around and saw his 'face'. She could see lose flaps on an otherwise tight costume, making Maud even more curious. The pony lifted Deadpool's mask off and saw his hideous face!!! Her eyes opened and widened a bit, but she didn't scream, and lowered the mask back down. Pinkie came in with a fresh taco. "What's that for?" "It's Deadpool's favorite!!!" Pinkie lowered the taco to Deadpool's face. His 'eyes' opened with a snort, making Maud back up a bit, and Deadpool grabbed the taco and slammed it over his 'mouth', trying to eat the precious snack. "DAMN YOU MASK!!!" He yelled. He removed the lower part of his mask and began to noisily eat it, almost like if he were a pig. "Does he eat like that?" Maud asked "You know," Pinkie replied "I've never seen him eat before. This is just his reaction to tacos." "Sorta like you and cupcakes?" Deadpool finished his taco with a swallow and looked up. His eyes widened, his vision went all pink, and he could see hearts around his and the Bronies' Waifu: Maud Pie! Ooh!!! I'll play that cliched saxophone love song!!! I'm singing with it. Deadpool, without any warning, tackled Maud and the two teleported away! They landed right on Sugarcube Corner's roof, as Deadpool held onto Maud as if he were Tango dancing with her, having his right hand carrying her head "Oh Maud," Deadpool spoke with a french accent "zis is ze greatest moment in my entire LIFE!!! Any Brony would've killed each other just to meet you, but I, on the other hand, have now meet you, Maud Pie." "...I'm flattered." Maud replied, still sounding very bored "Yes! Zat voice!!! So dull, so lifelike, but so... engaging and funny!!!" "...what do you mean?" "Everypony I've meet has been full of energy, but you, you hold back all that energy for important thing." Deadpool's left hand index finger traveled up from her chest to her lips "Now... care for a kiss? I'll gladly take my mask off if requested." "...No." "Alright then!" Deadpool leaned in to take the kiss from a Waifu. If he had landed the kiss, then you guys would complain that he stole your Waifu and became the next Flash Sentry. This isn't the case, however. Maud right hoof extended and punched him across the jaw!!! The pain from Tirek was nothing compared to this pony's force!!! He fell to the floor, but made a 20ft wide crater, both deep and width. Maud jumped from the Rooftop, fell down to Deadpool as if she were a superhero, and began to release a series of punches across his face!!! Deadpool could only see the hooves hitting his face in rapid movements, feeling himself getting a pain far worst than anything in his life and felt the temperatures rising. That's when he figured that Maud was punching so many times with so much force, they were boring themselves across the center of Equestria's core!!! A huge punch was made, and the two flew across the air, at least five feet in the sky. A bunch of Griffons were around them , gasping at how they appeared. HEY LOOK!!! GRIFFONS!!! That's nice, but we're getting our a** kicked by Maud. They disappeared in almost a blink of an eye, as Maud released another series of punches that was like the first series of punches. Pinkie came out of Sugar cube corner, only to see Maud breach the ground with Deadpool over her head, and slamming him into the floor, making a smaller crater only half of the first she made with Deadpool. All of Deadpool's bones were broken, he lied on the floor, twitched all over the place, and he only wheezed in pain. "What happened?" Pinkie asked "Deadpool was trying to seduce me." Maud replied "So I had to defend myself. He told me that there are ponies like him that love me for who I am, all because I'm not like any other pony." "Aww. That's so sweet!!!" "...what do you mean?" "You have a chance to find your special somepony on Hearts and Hooves day!!!" "...How is that good?" "Love." Deadpool replied. Maud turned around and Deadpool stood right back up, wiping dirt on his costume but looked unharmed. "Isn't that what moves the earth around? That... plus cash... and Celestia moving the sun... and Gravitational pulls... and-" "We get it." Pinkie interrupted, now sounding a bit annoyed from Deadpool. Deadpool froze and stared with fear. "In case you haven't noticed," Maud spoke "I'm not trying to find love. I already have a family, and that's good enough for me." "Ah!" Deadpool replied. "But I have Someone you'll definitely love!!!" Deadpool looked into his pocket and pulled out a picture. He handed it to Maud, and she looked at it: it was an orange, rock humanoid looking character with blue shorts on that had a 4 on it's belt. Maud's eyes widened and she smiled! "Who is this?" "That's Ben Grimm, or, as my friends call him 'The Thing'!!!" "What type of rock is he?" "...I don;t f***ing know." "... can you take me to him?" "Uh... not really. I'm stuck here and, until somepony finds a way for me to go home, I'm stuck here." "Well... when you go, can you take me with you?" "...Sure." "YES!!!" Pinkie and Deadpool froze and gasped. Maud covered her mouth and blushed, followed by a chuckle "Sorry, he just... intrigues me." "I'm sure he does. Hopefully, the reboot he'll be in won't suck as much as those original 2 movies he was in." "...What?" "SELFIE!!!" "OOH!!!" Pinkie Yelled "Maud! Take a selfie with Deadpool!" "...Alright Pinkie," Maud replied, going back to her regular voice "only for you." Deadpool landed next to Maud "SAY 'ROCKS!!!'" "Rock." the picture was taken. Deadpool got up and hugged Maud. "How are you up so quickly, by the way?" "I have super quick healing." "...that explains that then." "My question: what is your favorite genre of music?" "...Smooth Jazz." Deadpool froze in place. He fell to the floor as if he were statue. "think I should get another taco?" Pinkie asked "...nah. He'll be just fine." The sisters left Deadpool outside as they reentered Sugercube corner. A lone figure walked over to the stiff Deadpool and dragged him away from the scene. Author's Note Become a Paetron here!!! https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino?ty=c Become a Fan of Deadpool and ask him any question here!!! https://www.facebook.com/pages/Deadpool-In-Equestria/774066309345002 If you're wondering, yes, the Deadpool & Gummy was a bit of a parody to TMNT (Nolan North reasons). [youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?annotation_id=annotation_3587675433&feature=iv&src_vid=Ij7SBz8xYuY&v=nXwR8CDA8PY] I'm pretty sure most of us don't know that sax love song's title, but this is an example of what it is: Doomsday approved: Who should Deadpool meet next? The Ship has Sailed!!! Pony #49: Screwball.Deadpool laid on the floor, sleeping with his eyes open. Most people and ponies would find this weird and, in many other ways, frightening. He was, unbeknownst to him, in the middle of the Everfree forest, where a mysterious pony figure stood, watching him. The pony took his phone and navigated through the pictures. Deadpool's sight came back and he saw, though a silhouette, a pony looking through his phone. "HEY!!!" Deadpool yelled. The pony screamed and vanished in thin air, leaving only his phone behind. the phone landed on the floor roughly, not cracking though, and Deadpool saw the selfie he took with Discord before they sung Abba's 'Dancing Queen'. "I'm sorry for that," a young woman's voice spoke "It's that... you look a lot like that woman." "Who are you?" "I'm Screwball. Who are you?" "Name's Deadpool!" "Deadpool? Strange... but than again, aren't we all a little strange?" "What are you doing?" "Well... I got lost from my parents... I'm alone and tired, but I need to find my family! I heard there was a human in Equestria. Is that you?" "Yeah. Why?" "Well... that woman... do you know where she's at?" "...That was me." "...What?" "That woman was me!" "...Really? So... who is the female draconequus?" "That? Nah, he turned into a woman like me! We both wanted to be fabulous and-" "YOU KNOW MY FATHER!?!?!?" "...Father!?!?!?" "Yeah!!! You know, Discord: my father, ruler of chaos, bringer of Disharmony!!!" "...Show yourself!!!" A small swirl appeared in the sky, and out came the supposed same pony that was looking through his phone: it was a mare with a pink coat, a swirly & poofy mane with white & purple stripes, and a cutie mark with both a screw & a baseball. She had on a yellow & orange hat with green propeller on top, but the most weirdest feature was that her eyes' pupils weren't like any other pony's, but they were pink & purple spirals. "Please, I need to find my daddy!" "...ok... how are you exactly Discord's daughter? Have any proof?" "...Alright, what do you enjoy?" "Well... I'm in the mood for some tacos." Screwball extend her hoof out and two tacos appeared right out of thin air! "Did... you just summon tacos out of nowhere!?!?!?" "It's chaos magic. Since you spend some time with my father, you've seen that he can control anything and anyone while breaking the laws of physics, right?" "Oh yeah... but... i he's your father, then who's your mom?" "My mom? Well, it's a bit weird, but... well... her name... is Fluttershy." Deadpool stared blankly NNNNNOOOOO!!!!! How can it work!?!?!? She looks so... normal!!! Deadpool fell to his knees. "Do you need some help?" Screwball asked "... yeah." Deadpool responded "Can... you make a spotlight over me and summon a piano?" "Uh... sure." Screwball was able to form clouds around Deadpool, making a perfect circle, surrounding Deadpool in a spotlight made from the moon.She summoned a piano and Deadpool got onto a seat with a tree stump & played a note with a microphone near him. "♫I open my eyes, I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light, I can't remember how, I can't remember why I'm lying here tonight. And I can't stand the pain. And I can't make it go away, No I can't stand the pain. How could this happen to me!?!?!?!? I made my mistakes!!! I've got no where to run!!! The night goes on as I'm fading away!!! I'm sick of this life, I just wanna scream. How could this happen to me!?!?!? Everybody's screaming. I try to make a sound but no one hears me. I'm slipping off the edge, I'm hanging by a thread, I wanna start this over again. So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered and I can't explain what happened, and I can't erase the things that I've done... No I can't. How could this happen to me!?!?!? I made my mistakes!!! I've got no where to run!!! The night goes on as I'm fading away!!! I'm sick of this life, I just wanna scream.How could this happen to me!?!?!?♫" Screwball summoned an electric guitar and began to play with him, though she was more happy than how he was. "♫I made my mistakes!!!♫" She sang along with Deapool "♫I've got no where to run!!! The night goes on as I'm fading away!!! I'm sick of this life, I just wanna scream. How could this happen to me!?!?!?♫" The clouds went back to their natural ways, with a tear jerked Luna watching from a cloud above. "That..." Luna commented "Was beautiful!!!" "If you enjoyed that," Deadpool responded, going from sad to happy all of the sudden "try listening to 'Lincoln Park'!!! They're Emo as f**k!!!" "I... will, Deadpool. Say, who is that... flying... earth pony.. with you?" "I'm Screwball, Luna." Screwball responded "Don't you remember?" "I... can't tell." "My daddy is Discord." Luna froze with a blank stare. "Celestia helps us all." Her horn glowed and she disappeared "What's up with her today?" "I don't really know," Deadpool responded "but there are other ponies who don't really fit right after I came here." "...think it's a cross dimensional thing?" "...I don't know. Want to find your dad?" Screwball tackled Deadpool and yelled with glee. "YES!!! DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE'S AT!?!?!?" "WHOAH!!! Calm down there, little Pony. Just follow me and we'll meet your dad in no time... that is... if you can catch up." "...What do you-" Deadpool teleported into one of the trees "Come on! Catch up!!!" "Teleportation!?!?!? PERFECT!!!" Screwball began to fly & teleport the area, following Deadpool, who teleported from tree to tree and did some gymnastic moves on the branches. After a good few minutes of tree running, the two were at Fluttershy's cottage. "Is my daddy here?" Screball asked "...most likely." Deadpool responded "What do you mean by 'most likely'?" "If he's not here, then another pony will be here." "Wait, do you mean-" Before Screwball could ask, Deadpool knocked on the door a couple of times. The door opened and Fluttershy answered, eyes halfway closed and her mane a bit messed up. "Deadpool?" Fluttershy asked, taking in a deep yawn "It's awfully late for you to-" "MOMMY!!!" Screwball yelled. She went inside and gave Fluttershy a huge hug, which snorted the pegasus from her half sleep. "Mommy?" "Where's daddy!?!?!?" "Daddy?" "Yeah! Discord!!!" "Wait... slow down. Are you saying... I'm your mother?" "Yeah!" "And... Discord is your father?" "Yeah!!!" "Wait... that means... Discord and I got married... had a child... and it was... you?" "YEAH!!!" Fluttershy stared at the filly, then fainted. Screwball went to Fluttershy and shoved her a bit "Mommy!!! Are you hurt?" "What's all the commotion about?" Discord's voice shook the place. A while light appeared, and Discord came in, wearing a bath robe & slippers that look liked Angel's face. "Deadpool! What a pleasant surprise. And... who is this?" "DADDY!!!" Screball flew up to Discord and surrounded her hooves around his thin, but tall body. Discord stared with a look filled with confusion. "Daddy?" "Dad! Don't you remember: it's me, Screwball, your daughter!!!" "D-d-daughter!?!?!?" He turned to Deadpool. "I don't really know." Deadpool replied "it turns out, you and Fluttershy got married and have this kid." "We're m-m-married!?!?!?" "Don't you remember?" Screwball asked "You held the three princesses hostage, demanded a bride, and mommy came along to be your bride! It didn't start off well, but you two eventually found love and got married, having me!" Discord stared at her, then he too, fainted. Screwball levitated around, poking her father's face, only to hear him grumble a bit. "Why is everypony fainting? "I have no idea." Deadpool responded, taking out his camera. "want to take a selfie?" "is that the pictures you took with my father?" "yeah!" "... I don't see why not." The two got close together and took a selfie, with the unconscious bodies of Discord and Fluttershy in the background. "what should I do with my parents?" "...Eh. Try taking things slow, reintroduce yourself, spend some family time together, all that good stuff." "But what will you do?" Deadpool looked around the place. "I think I can sleep on the couch. You?" "With my parents." "Sounds good. I'll leave first thing in the morning, leaving you all alone, okay?" "That sounds good." Screwball levitated her parents over to Fluttershy's bed upstairs, where Screwball placed herself in between her, supposed, amnesiac parents. Deadpool teleported onto the couch and began to lie down. He felt something tug his tangling foot. Looking down, he saw Angel, angrily punching his foot. Without a word, Deadool punted the rabbit, sending it flying out of an open window. Justice has been served. F***ing Angel Bunny. Author's Note CURSE YOU FLUTTERCORD SHIP FICS!!! If you're reading this, DisneyFanatic, don't worry, I'm not hating your taste, I'm speaking for Deadpool as Discord stole his Waifu (surprisingly, not Flash Sentry) Check out Fanatic's 'Daughter of Discord' to understand more about Screwball's life, the sequel to 'Bride of Discord' where Discord and Fluttershy are in a scenario similar to 'Beauty and the Beast': http://www.fimfiction.net/story/125653/daughter-of-discord Become a Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino Become a fan of Deadpool here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Deadpool-In-Equestria/774066309345002?ref=hl WTF!?!?!? Wtf creature#1: Kul'asDeadpool woke up after some light landed on his face multiple times. He snorted himself awake to see that he was in the Canterlot train with the Mane 6 (except for Fluttershy) "Oh good," Twilight spoke with a panicked voice "you're awake!" Deadpool stared at them for a good few minutes before placing his head on his chair. "Five more minutes." Deadpool spoke. He felt a hard slap across his face and saw that it was Applejack who slapped him. "No can do." Applejack replied "We got ourselves a bit in a pickle that we're sure you can handle." "...Alright. Who do I have to kill?" "Kill!?!?!?" Pinkie asked with fear "Oh, sorry, I mean, who do I have to... un-alive?" "How barbaric of you for saying that!" Rarity exclaimed "We just need to lure a creature from Canterlot. That is all!" "...Really? I need to lure a creature away from Canterlot?" "It's no ordinary creature," Twilight explained "if we had Fluttershy with us, she might tell what the creature is and the best way to safely take it away from Canterlot." "Then why have me do this!?!?!?" "Many reasons: your super healing abilities, your knowledge in combat & various other... things, and, if it really needs to, able to kill without remorse." "... Fine. Where is this creature in Canterlot?" "I last saw it in the canterlot gardens," Rainbow Dash answered "Maybe it's still there, or, we hope not, is in the streets causing havoc." the train went into a complete stop, followed by some hissing made from the engines. Deadpool teleported away, landing on top of the ticket station, seeing Canterlot in the distance. He teleported away again, this time, going onto the streets. A wave of Soldiers sprinted by him, not even taking note of a human in spandex with a mask on. Deadpool jumped into the air and landed on one of the soldier's back. "WHAT THE-!?!?!?" The soldier asked, looking at Deadpool on his back "Relax," Deadpool reassured "what's happening? Why are all of you guards sprinting like it's Black Friday at Wal-Mart?" "There's a creature attacking the princess!!!" "Celestia?" "YES!!!" "Ah! But what are YOU all going to do?" "We plan to surround it & take it down." "...nice plan, but it won't work." "What do you-" "Let me handle this." Deadpool got up onto his feet, still on the guard's back, and looked ahead. They were heading towards the Canterlot castle, but still not close enough. Alright... Canterlot is just a nice stroll from here. We can teleport to the front and- NO N****A!!! Assassin's Creed this b***h!!! Deadpool began to sprint ahead, landing his feet on every guard's head, who released a 'What the-!?!?!?', looking to See Deadpool running on each of their heads as if he did this multiple times. Deadpool sprinted for a couple of minutes, and was close to Canterlot. He jumped into the air and grabbed a pegasus guard by his tail. He swung himself a bit and, after a couple of seconds, released the guard's tail, flipped in the air a couple of time, and landed on the balcony where Celestia looks through every day to raise the sun. "AND HE STICKS THE LANDING!!!" Deadpool announced. "Now to find that creature!" He stopped as he heard some screaming in the next room. Deadpool opened the door, not really knowing what was going on. Inside, he found the creature: it was almost pure black, had six legs, a crocodile like mouth & tail, purple eyes, and what looks likes a samurai helmet on it's head. With it, was Celestia as she screamed for help, as the creature was trying to... oh... "WHAT!?!?!? WHAT THE F**K!?!?!?" the creature turned to him and saw Deadpool. Celestia kicked the creature off and ran away into another room. "Great!!!" the creature yelled "I was having fun. Perhaps... you can work." Deadpool backed up. "Bad Touch! BAD TOUCH!!! Stranger Danger!!!" "Allow me to introduce myself: I am Kul'as." Deadpool pulled a chair for protection. "I don't give a f**k who you are, nor what you are, but I'm gonna F**k you up!!!" "I'd love that!" "NOT LIKE THAT!!!" Deadpool charged at Kul'as, and he charged! They both went close, and- Coming soon to theaters... from the minds of Madgamer1228 and MrAquino, presents to you: Adventures in Equestria: The Quest for the lost art! Join their O.C.s after the Season 2 finale, Madgamer's Mad the Unicorn (a blank flank adult white unicorn with a red-brown ungroomed mane) and MrAquino's Strongheart the Alicorn (a light brown alicorn with a short black mane & tail, White workhorse hooves, wears black square glasses, and has a cute mark of a heart made out of iron) two best friends since Magic kindergarden, must find a way to make a barrier that will protect all of Equestria from the wrath of the Changelings!!! With the help of Twilight Sparkle, Spike the Dragon, and Strongheart's little brother, Showoff (a green pegasus colt with a brown, somewhat unkept but still groomed mane with a cutie mark resemble a single gold bar), must recreate an artifact that can hep them on their quest. Filled with tons of action: "GET DOWN!!!" Mad yelled as he shot a single blue bolt at a ducking Twilight, hitting a changeling that was attacking her. "There's too many of them!!!" Strongheart yelled, grabbing a changeling and throwing it into a crowd. Filled with Drama: "GET OUTTA HERE!!!" Strongheart yelled, holding the boulder up with his back. "No!" Showoff yelled, going to his brother's face. "I'm not leaving you!" "GO!!! I want you to survive!!!" "You're hiding something from us!!!" Mad yelled to Strongheart!!! "WHAT IS IT!?!?!?" "I'M IN LOVE!!!" Strongheart snapped back at his best friend. Filled with heart: "Twilight," Mad spoke shyly with his ears down. "I just wanted to say that... well... I-" "Eugene!!!" Twilight yelled "LOOK!!!" Mad looked down and saw that, a flash appeared on his flank area: He finally got his cutie mark!!! "Will I ever see you again?" a mysterious figure in a hood asked in a woman's voice to the Alicorn stallion. "Why don't you join us?" he asked "Oh... but... mother-" "She's not here with us. You can control your destiny now." He leaned over to the figure. "What are you-?" "I know this is weird, but... here, this is called a 'kiss'. He leaned his head in and kissed the hooded figure. The figure stiffened, as her hood rose up, revealing that it had wings. Adventures in Equestria: The Quest for the lost art!!! Both Applejack and Rainbow Dash sat on a bench, as Applejack read a magazine and Dashie read another Daring Do book. Applejack froze and looked at a Geico ad. "Huh," A.J. spoke, observing the ad "15 minutes can save you 15% or more on car insurance?" "Everyone knows that." Rainbow Dash replied, flipping to another page. "Well... Did you know Derpy is actually smarter than she looks?" Rainbow's ears perked up and turned to her best friend. "What?" Twilight and Derpy sat on a table together with chess pieces on a black & white board. Twilight breathed hard, trying to figure out how her next move will go. She used her magic and moved a rook two places over. Derpy simply moved a knight to another area. "Checkmate." Derpy simply said. Twilight released a cry of despair: she had lost to a pegasus with awkward looking eyes! Muffins rained down on Derpy as she did a victory dance in her seat. Geico: 15 minutes can save you 15% or more on car insurance. From the Producers of 'Man of Steel', and the original producers of 'Superman' 1 & 2, under the direction of MrAquino, gives you the next image of MLP-Superheroes: Super-Mare!!! Celesti-Al, daughter of Jor-Al, and the last of her kind, must save the city of Maretropolis and all of Equestria from the Evil hooves of Lex 'Filthy Rich' Luthor. With the action of Man of Steel, but with the kind, light hearted, & nostalgic feeling of the original two Superman movies, brings the middle road that both fans should enjoy without much complaint on (by most, some Parasprites will be in the crowd). She must use all her courage, strength, & powers to stop Lex Luthor's plans in destroying the world and, after a freak accident, must battle against General Zod: a self proclaimed Dictator from her destroyed home planet that was banished to the Phantom Zone, along with his two assistants: Ursa, his brains, and Nod, his brawn, will stop at nothing to take her down!!! SUPER-MARE!!! Deadpool returned to the others, taking deep breaths. The castle had hole in it, but it's nothing the citizens can't help fix on. "Deadpool!!!" Twilight yelled, running towards him "What happened? Where did the creature go!?!?!?" "He won't be back for a long time." Deadpool responded "Plus, that Selfie was so weird at that dance club." "What happened?" "You don't want to know." "Whatever it was," Celestia spoke "Thank you Deadpool, I am eternally grateful." "No problem, Sun Butt... just.. give me a minute." He fell to his back and fell asleep. "Sun butt? Oh well... I must say, he is rather adorable when he sleeps." "...Really?" Twilight asked "Oh yes!" "...Weird, even by your standards... no offense, your majesty." "It's alright, Twilight. I'll call for him when something like that happens again." "I'm pretty sure we'll get that." she turned to Deadpool, who snored loudly. "That snoring though!!!" Author's Note Become a Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino Become a Fan: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Deadpool-In-Equestria/774066309345002?ref=hl Who should Deadpool meet next? If you're wondering, I made this a bit before the Super Bowl, but I couldn't post it due to lack of internet connection and the game itself. And yes, I saw the MLP cameo appearance in the 'Cheer for teams' commercial. Nearly everyone stared at me when the ponies came on. I figured they'd cheer for the colts: ponies celebrate pony related things, after all, right? Bronies have now joined. Pony #50: ILoveKimPossibleALotDeadpool woke up, seeing that it was now in the middle of the afternoon. Wow!!! You are such a Lazy a**!!! I don't really think so: We battled against... whatever the hell that thing was! "I agree," Deadpool said to himself "and I can't believe we distracted that thing to get a selfie with it!" How did that go exactly? Well, you see, after we clashed into each other, we- A loud banging was heard from a door nearby. Deadpool stared at the door, not really sure what to do with it. Are we inside? Vice Versa. ...I don't get it. Ugh, it means we're outside, and whoever is in there is inside their home. Do you not see the sky!?!?!? Well Excuse me, Princess!!! The door knocked even harder & louder, bulging the door a bit. "Alright!" A woman's voice was heard, though muffled, inside the house. "This calls for EXTREME MEASURES!!!" Deadpool teleported onto a nearby tree, looking down at the house. The house's door busted wide open, as a pony emerged from the inside of the house. It was a light blue pegasus mare with a long, brown mane & tail with yellow highlights with a cutie mark of three white cards, each having the same red haired smiling woman as, from left to right, one had a regular smile, one was winking, and the other showed it's teeth in her smile. "So... I'm now in Equestria!?!?!?" the pegasus asked herself "Oh man! This is awesome!!!" She looked down at herself and squeaked at her hooves. "I'M MY O.C.!!! How the hell did this happen!?!?!? Are the others alright!?!?!? Why can't I be teleported to the Kim Possible universe instead of- Wait! That's it!!! I can finally meet him!!! I hope Senpai notices me!!!" Very cartoon like, her wings lifted her up as she dreamed of meeting her Senpai. Unbeknownst to her, Deadpool was above, watching her act very cartoon like. "Who the hell is that?" Deadpool asked himself I think we've seen her somewhere before. That's one of the famous Bronies (or Pegasisters, in her case, for being a female). Her username is "ILoveKimPossibleALot", for being a fan of Disney Channel's Animated spy show, Kim Possible. Alright, Bozo! Tell us, who does she mean by her Senpai!?!?!? That would go to one of two characters: Either Mr. John DeLancie himself or, more likely in our case, Discord himself. "A Discord fan, eh?" Deadpool asked himself in an Australian accent "Well, it looks like we got ourselves a Brony to hunt down!!!" Pegasister. Same Difference!!! Deadpool teleported away, following KimPossible across Canterlot. The pegasus was surprised at herself for moving quite well, despite being a human for most of her life and this is her first time being, well, anything but a human. "Ok," she spoke to herself "How did I get here in the first place? Think Kim, think! I was planning to make another episode review, thought not really sure who to guest star in it, and I want to join the guys in another "Bronies React to" video. How did I get here?" She thought to herself real hard, not even knowing a human in red spandex stood there, having his junk near the back of her head. "Excuse me Miss," Deadpool spoke in a Super-Man voice like voice "It appears you are lost." She began to turn around, not even knowing she was facing directly at Deadpool's you-know-where area "Yeah, I actually a-OH MY GOD!!! FREAK!!!" She extend one of her hooves up and punched the Merc in his nuts, causing Deadpool to fall not his knees, wheeze hard, and let out a high pitch scream! She backed up a bit and squinted her eyes. "I... am... so sorry... for that!!!" He fell to the side, rolling in pain. "...Hey! I know you!!! You're that random guy from Marvel!!! Deadpool, right!?!?!?" He only shook his head in agreement, fighting back tears of pain. "Okay, I have questions for you: 1) How are you not a pony like me? 2) What are you doing here? 3)Why are you in Equestria? And 4) Why did you do that?" "Give... me a... moment!" Deadpool took a deep breath, and the pain went away. He stop back to his full position and stretched his legs a bit. "Alright, answers, you want 'em?" "Yeah! Anything will help. I need to find-" "Any other Bony and Pegasister???" "...How did you know-" "Eavesdropping. I saw you smash that door to get out. You know, there's doorknobs on them: you can use it. "Well sorry! This is my first time having hooves!" "No worries. Why am I not a pony? I have no f***ing clue to be honest. What am I doing here? I took out some weird creature that made me and the author go WTF on when requested." "Author? Who do you-" Deadpool covered her mouth, muffling her voice. "Ah-ha! Let me answer first." He released Kim, who let out an angered grunt. "Why am I here? Well, I was summoned here by Lyra Heartstrings to be her pet, but Princess Mooncheeks needs me to take a selfie with anypony or thing I encounter during my stay. And finally, why did I do that? Well... the author did it for 'Comedy' and wanted us to meet each other." "I'm... not gonna reply to that." "Oh well, with your questions out of the way, I have one question for you!" "...Alright. What is it?" "Do you wanna meet Discord?" At that moment, Kim's wing went up in a 'Pomf!', her eyes widened, and her mouth opened to a wide smile!!! She began to shake rapidly, followed by super quick hopping around him!!! "OH YES!!! IDOIDOIDOIDOIDOIDOIDO!!! YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS!!! DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE'S AT!?!?!?" She began to fly to Deadpool's face, nearly having her face on his. "Actually, he's behind you." She turned around with excitement "DISCORD!!!" Nothing was there, but the street of Canterlot. She turned back to Deadpool with an angered look. "Hey Buddy!!! Are you messing with me!?!?!?" "NO!!! He's behind you right now!!!" Kim turned around: still nothing around. "Still behind you... sill behind... still behind-" Kim flew around in circles, giving the illusion that she was chasing her tail now! She stopped after a couple of minutes, her eyes out of place, and she tried to steady her balance, dizzy after flying around in circles. She shook her head and growled at Deadpool. "THAT'S IT!!! I'M-" "Why little mistress," Discord's voice spoke really close to her "You must learn not to keep looking forward, but all over the place!!!" Kim froze in place and wondered where Discord was at. Following her advice, she looked up and was greeted with the Master of Chaos, who's face landed on hers, making Kim have a scrunch face. "Hello there!" "D-D-Discord!?!?!?" "In the flesh!" He disappeared and reappeared as a tree "Also in the bark," another and he was a statue "also in the stone", another and he was a glass of water "and in this glass of water!" He reappeared as his normal self, crouching in front of Kim with their faces looking at each other's face. "Discord... I... am... your... BIGGEST FAN!!!" Discord made a look with confusion and surprise mixed together. Off guard, Kim used her front hooves to Grab Discord by his slender neck and hugged him really tight, so tight, Discord's mouth opened and he made a squeak that was heard from a squeaky toy. Both Kim and Discord looked at each other, not really sure what happened. Kim hugged Discord again, and he squeaked again. She had an evil grin across her face and began to hug tightly rapidly, laughing evilly as Discord released a barrage of squeaks!!! Deadpool couldn't help but laugh out loud, falling down onto the floor, seeing Discord being hugged & squeaking loudly, especial from a Discord Fan girl. After a couple minutes of squeaking, Kim released Discord from her grasp and flew up to his face. Discord looked at her with a face of displeasure: in his mind, he wanted to do something to get revenge. Perhaps he could turn her into a squeaky toy and see how she likes being squeaked, perhaps he could teleport her to the moon and let her rot, or, just out of curiosity, he could just turn himself a little bigger and swallow the pegasus whole; who knows, pegasi could taste like chicken. His thoughts disappeared as Kim flew herself to his eyes and, to his surprise, she kissed him on his snout. Kim fainted with a smile, similar to Rarity on certain situations, both with a smile on their faces, though Kim fell to the floor. Discord snapped his finger & summoned a trampoline, where Kim fell onto it and bounced right back up, landing right onto his snout. Her eyes opened, though only halfway, and small hearts seemed to appear all over her. "Oh Discord," she spoke in a dreamy tone "you made a fan the happiest fan in the world! If today were my last, I'll gladly die!!!" "Uh... thanks?" Discord replied, feeling a bit fuzzy inside. "Is there... anything else you'd like to do?" "Hm... actually, there is one." "I think I know what you're going for!" Deadpool spoke below "Really?" "Original by Eurobeat Brony?" "Yep." "Remix?" "Yep." "Living Tombstone?" "Definitely!" "Knew it." "Of course, LET'S GET THIS STARTED!!!" Deadpool pulled out his boom box and pressed the play button. If any of you haven't figured it out yet, the beat to The Living Tombstone's 'Discord' began to play. "♫I'm not a fan of puppeteers, but I've a nagging fear someone else is pulling at the strings!♫" Deadpool sang "♫Something terrible is going down through the entire town, wreaking anarchy and all that it brings!♫" Kim sang "♫I can't sit idly, no I can't move at all!♫" The two sang together "♫I curse the name, the one behind it all... Discord, I'm howling at the moon, and sleeping in the middle of a summer afternoon. Discord, whatever did we do to make you take our world away? Discord, are we your prey alone? Or are we just a stepping stone for taking back the throne? Discord, we won't take it any more, so take your tyranny away!!!♫" The Duo, during the music break between verses, performed a bit of the dance dubbed 'The Tombstone' back home. Discord gave the two a questionable look, but seemed interested. "♫I'm fine with changing status quo, but not in letting go, now the world is being torn apart!♫" Kim sang "♫A terrible catastrophe, played by a symphony, what a terrifying work of art!!!♫" Deadpool sang along "♫I can't sit idly no I can't move at all,♫" they both sang "♫I curse the name, the one behind it all... Discord, I'm howling at the moon!!! And sleeping in the middle of a summer afternoon. Discord, whatever did we do, to make you take our world away? Discord, are we your prey alone? Or are we just a stepping stone for taking back the throne? Discord, we won't take it any more, so take your tyranny away!♫" The two performed the full 'Tombstone' dance, with the addition of Deadpool stemming his legs down & Kim standing on her back legs & stomping with Discord on said back legs. Discord was now so interested that he joined their dancing, but performed a couple of his own dance moves, being the perfect example of how to do the worm and the wave! "♫Discord, I'm howling at the moon!♫" The two sang "That's right!" Discord added quickly "♫And sleeping in the middle of a summer afternoon,♫" "You are!" "♫Discord, whatever did we do, to make you take our world away?♫" "Who Cares!?!?!?" "♫Discord, are we your prey alone?♫" "Maybe!?!?!?" "♫Or are we just a stepping stone for taking back the throne?♫" "Possibly!" "♫Discord, we won't take it any more, so take your tyranny away!♫" The three went into a pose after the final beat dropped. A whole crowd of ponies were around the three as they performed, staring at them, then released a cheer, throwing flowers, candy, and bits at the three! "Aw yeah!" Kim said with pride "That... was... AWESOME!!!" "I know!" Deadpool replied "And considering how I killed Tirek, this is even more awesome!" "Wait! You killed Tirek!?!?!?" "Yep!" "How!?!?!?" "I'll tell you about you friends adventures later on," Discord replied "And thanks for finding somepony who really loves me, even if it was... well... awkward." "You're friends with him!?!?!?" "Yep!" Deadpool responded "Wha- I- um... thank you for leading me to Discord, Deadpool, is there anything I can do in return... minus punching you in the crotch?" B***H!!! Calm down. "There is one," Deadpool responded, taking out his cell phone. "A selfie!!!" "A selfie? Really? ...oh well." She walked over to him as Deadpool slid himself over to her. "Say 'Chaos'!!!" "CHAOS!!!" The picture was taken as the two smiled with a photobombing Discord in the background. Kim saw the picture, waved her head a bit, but had a smile. "Oh Discord... this is why I love you! Say, Deadpool?" "Yep?" "Can... you keep an eye out for the other Bronies around here? I think they may have traveled with me here and may be lost. Be sure they aren't dead, okay?" "Will do!" "Thanks. Discord! Wait up!!!" She ran and followed a floating Discord on top of a cotton candy cloud. Looks like our adventure got longer Who are the other popular Bronies on the internet? "We'll know when we see 'em! Come on, we gotta find a place to sleep in, hopefully, we won't be interrupted by some other WTF creature." Author's Note Become a fan here!!! https://www.facebook.com/pages/Deadpool-In-Equestria/774066309345002?ref=hl Become a Patreon here!!! https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino If any of you were wondering, it is a reverse squeak from this funny short: Discord Song by Tombstone! And this is how you do the Tombstone: ILoveKimPossibleALot, if you're reading this, I hope you're happy with your interaction with Discord. https://www.youtube.com/user/ILoveKimPossibleAlot Who should Deadpool meet next? NO SCHOOL!!! Pony #51: Sunset ShimmerDeadpool teleported himself away, back into Ponyville. The hoots from owls, screeches of bats, and the glow from the moon caused his eyes to become heavy. Soon, he fell asleep, falling on a table, not even caring if he looked like a hobo or not. Thanks to his time sleeping with rats in the sewers, hobos on the streets, and the Sentinels in wherever the f**k they came from, Deadpool slept through the night with ease in an uncomfortable position that had his butt in the air, his legs twisted around his head, his arms dangling over the sides, and half of his face covered with splinters. His dream was, yet again, had Luna in it, but she stopped as she saw this madness with Deadpool & his two selves singing this: "Hello?" a woman's voice asked. Deadpool snorted himself awake. "Look Luna," Deadpool murmured half asleep "I know Steven Magnet is gay, but he's so fabulous that way... like me." "I'm not Luna. I'm not really sure how I got back here from Canterlot high." Deadpool's eyes widened, as he snorted himself awake, seeing, right in front of him, a unicorn mare with an amber coat, and a Vivid Crimson mane with yellow stripes that looked like fire. "Did you Say 'Canterlot High'?" "Yes. Allow me to introduce myself: I'm Sunset Shimmer." Deadpool teleported himself standing up, but also carrying Sunset in his arms. "HOLY S**T!!! SUNSET MOTHER F***ING SHIMMER!!!" "Uh... Do I know you?" "No. But I know you! Sunset Shimmer: once the proud student of P.C. for the illuminati, but wished to gain power & tried to fight her, but was banished to the not so human but still human world!" "...how do you-?" "Let me finish. You came back to steal Twilight Sparkleoo's tiara for yourself to gain power, in three days, you took back the crown and became a demon that made everyone a zombie at the fall formal dance, but you were defeated!" "Please... don't remind me of that." "Ah! but in the days to come, you transformed from being a complete b***h to the woman that, though people were hesitant on, you turned into a good guy greg and, after some problem with the Dazzlers, you saved the world with Twilight & her friends!!!" Deadpool hugged the unicorn tightly, and Sunset couldn't help but feel a bit better, knowing this strange creature knew him, but seemed to like her now. "Oh Sunset! If it makes you feel better... I can kill your old Boyfriend 'Flash Sentry'!" YES!!! YES!!! DO IT!!! DO IT FOR AMERICA!!! We're Canadian!!! "WHAT!?!?!?" Sunset yelled "No! I'm not going to do that! It was me being the jerk, not him! He deserves Twilight, and, though personally, I actually would like to see the two together." "...Really?" "Really." "Oh." silence fell between the two. "I haven't got your name yet." "Oh! The name's Deadpool!" "Deadpool?" "Yep!" "That's... interesting. Did you come from the mirror like me?" "Uh... no. If I did, then I'd be a pony like you." "Hm... good point there. How did you get here?" "Some crazy unicorn named Lyra summoned me here." "And... that's it?" "Pretty much." "Oh... how long have you been here?" "A couple of days." "Hm... how is it here?" "Well, with Tirek as a decapitated head now, I'd say it's..." Deadpool pulled out a pair of sunglasses and placed them over his eyes "20% cooler." A loud 'yeah!' played behind him. "...Did you say that you killed Lord Tirek?" "Eeyup!" "But... I thought nothing could harm him, according to legend & old books in the Canterlot library." "Oh please: Twilight beat the s**t out of him after losing her home & all her books and I personally killed him to avenge all she had loss! The Brony Fanbase loves me for it now!!! Isn't that right, Bronies!?!?!?" "...Okay. Listen, can you-" "Deadpool!" Twilight's voice was heard. The two turned and saw the purple alicorn walking towards them. "there you are! Listen, I just want to give you my thanks in getting rid of that awful creature a- SUNSET SHIMMER!?!?!?" "TWILIGHT!!!" Sunset jumped out of Deadpool's arms and hugged her friend. D'awww.... I hate to admit, but they look cuter here than in the 'human' world. "How did you get here!?!?!?" Twilight asked after Sunset was done hugging her. "That... I'm not exactly sure really." Sunset replied "I wasn't doing anything interesting, nor was there something special planned at Canterlot High, I just sorta... poof! Here!" "That is strange. Come on, I think we can take you back to Canterlot high." "Hold on just a minute!" Deadpool exclaimed "You meet each other and you IMMEDIATELY find a way to take her back there!?!?!?" "It's nothing bad, Mr. Deadpool," Sunset replied "it's that, I've gotten use over there really. I made some good friends over there and, well, I don't want to lose it. That, and, well, Celestia may not be too hype on seeing me back here." "Come on," Twilight spoke "thanks to my machine home, it should take you back over there." The three made their way to Twilight's new castle. Along the way, Deadpool told the two about his adventures, though, being the charmer he was, changed a couple of things such as how he meet many mares in a fancy tuxedo with long, luscious hair that would give Fabio an inferiority complex. Sunset herself was surprised at the new castle, but was really surprised as the sight of Nyx and how she acts like she knows Twilight for some time, even tough Twilight herself is just getting to know the small Alicorn that looks very similar to Nightmare Moon. Spike took Nyx away to another room, leaving the three alone with the mirror in their contraption. Twilight activated the machine, opening the portal to the human world. "Goodbye Twilight," Sunset spoke, hugging her friend "Hope to see you soon. And Goodbye Deadpool, you were interesting." She hugged his leg before going into the mirror world. "WAIT!!!" Deadpool yelled , pulling out his phone. In slow motion, Sunset placed her front hoof into the mirror world "*In best slow motion voice* We need a selfie!!!" Deadpool fell to the step and Sunset placed her front hoof onto the mirror. Repeat, she placed her hoof ON the mirror, so she didn't go in. Sunset tapped the glass, wondering what's going on. "Um... give it more of a push?" Twilight suggested. Sunset began to push herself into the mirror, but nothing happened. "What the-!?!?!?" Sunset yelled "Why can't I go back!?!?!?" "I have no idea." Twilight walked to the mirror and placed her hoof on it, not entering as well. "This... is strange." "What am I going to do now!?!?!?" "...I have an idea!!!" Deadpool spoke. The two looked at Deadpool in pure curiosity. Two hours later: Deadpool, Sunset, Twilight, Nyx, and Spike all sat down together, eating from a pile of tacos. "These tacos are delicious!!!" Nyx exclaimed "They are," Sunset agreed, having a mouthful in her mouth. "but, how does that help me?" "Oh... that." Deadpool said, realizing how stupid this joke is that I made for all of them to be in. "Spike! Take a letter!" "Right!" Spike replied, pulling out a quill & letter. Another two hours later along with Twilight and Nyx holding Sunset down. "come on," Spike spoke, calming Sunset down "relax. It's not like she can banish you twice." "I don't know, Spike," Sunset replied, shaking hard "it's been so long! I-I-I have no idea what to say to her!" "In that case then," Deadpool spoke, living his right arm in the air "this calls for me secret weapon!!!" "...Secret weapon? What secret weaaaaaaahhhh... Hmmmmmm...." Deadpool began to scratch behind Sunset's ear, calming the unicorn down and making her feel relaxed. Her back right leg began to kick along with the sound of her purring a bit. Twilight and Nyx heard the door knock a bit, and the two answered it. Standing in front of the door was Celestia herself, with no guards or her sister present "Is it true?" Celestia asked. "It is." Twilight replied with a bow. "...Come with me." Nyx hopped onto Twilight's back, as she began to follow her mentor. They entered the room Sunset was in, but stopped and watched as Deadpool was ticking her belly. "Goochy Goo!!!" Deadpool mocked playfully as he tickled the unicorn! "NO!!!" Sunset yelled with laughter "Stop!!! STAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAP!!!" "Uh... guys," Spike said "Celestia's here." The two gasped, as Deadpool teleported himself standing upright and Sunset hastily stood up, falling onto her front side before trying to stand upright herself. "Sunset Shimmer." Celestia spoke, walking towards the unicorn. Sunset squeaked in response and slowly backed up, only to be pushed forward by Spike and Deadpool's foot. The two were now only a feet away from each other. "P-P-Princess C-celsti-ia." Sunset stuttered "I'm... I'm-" "Sunset Shimmer: for all that you've done back then, for your search for power, and how you treated Twilight & her friends, I have one thing to say... I forgive you." "W-what!?!?!?" "I forgive you, Sunset." The unicorn teared up a bit and ran to Celestiq hugging the Princess onto her chest and crying hard. Celestia used her wings to cover her up, almost like if they were arms around the unicorn. "I'm so sorry!!! I'm sorry, Celestia!!!" "Don't worry, Twilight has told me how you've changed drastically, and that's all I need." "Does... that mean I'm no longer banished?" Celestia held her hoof, lifting Sunset's head up by her chin. "Absolutely." the unicorn teared up again and wept hard, but having a smile on her face. Some music began to play, and they all turned to Deadpool, who had a guitar for some weird reason and played the theme to 'The Breakfast Club'. "♫Hey, hey, hey ,hey!♫" Deadpool sang "♫Ohhh... Won't you come see about me? I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby. Tell me your troubles and doubts, giving me everything inside and out and love's strange so real in the dark, think of the tender things that we were working on. Slow change may pull us apart when the light gets into your heart, baby. Don't You Forget About Me, Don't Don't Don't Don't Don't You Forget About Me... Will you stand above me? Look my way, never love me? Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling Down, down, down. Will you recognise me? Call my name or walk on by? Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling Down, down, down, down. Hey, hey, hey, hey!!! Ohhhh..... Don't you try to pretend, It's my feeling we'll win in the end I won't harm you or touch your defenses Vanity and security. Don't you forget about me! I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby. Going to take you apart, I'll put us back together at heart, baby! Don't You Forget About Me, Don't Don't Don't Don't Don't You Forget About Me! As you walk on by, will you call my name? As you walk on by, Will you call my name? When you walk away.♫" Both Celestia and Sunset sniffed a bit, looking back at each other, as Spike & Nyx danced together and Twilight stood next to Sunset, placing her hoof on her shoulder. "♫Or will you walk away? Will you walk on by? Come on - call my name Will you call my name? I say: *insert all the Las*.!!!♫" "That... was beautiful!" Sunset replied, wiping a tear from her face. "That's just one of his natural things." Celestia added "for all that may make him like a child, he is actually pretty good at connecting with others." "I sure am!" Deadpool responded, picking up Sunset. "Care to take a selfie?" "A selfie?" Sunset asked "Don't worry," Twilight reassured "we all had one with him." "Well... if you say so. Deadpool! I want this memory to forever be noted!!!" "You got it!!!" Deadpool responded, pulling out his cellphone. "The Sunset-Celestia reunion!!! Smile!!!" Sunset, wiping a tear from her face, made a cute smile as the two took a picture together! Deadpool released Sunset, gently dropping her onto the floor. "I must say, you really are interesting. Think we will meet like this?" "You can count on that! ... BOOP!!!" Deadpool Booped Sunset's muzzle, making her do a scrunch face, just before teleporting away to Celestia knows where. Everyone chuckled at what he did, followed by Sunset herself. Now, moving back to Equestria, is a new clean slate for Sunset Shimmer. Author's Note Become a fan here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Deadpool-In-Equestria/774066309345002?ref=hl Become a Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino Who should Deadpool meet next? The Taco Squad. The Dazzlings: Sonata Dusk, Adagio Dazzle, and Aria Blaze The Taco Squad. The Dazzlings: Sonata Dusk, Adagio Dazzle, and Aria Blaze All the ponies in Ponyville went their own way, continuing their own normal lives, that is... until Deadpool ran down the street at hight speed with his arms flailing in the air & his legs barely touching the ground and shouting obscure gibberish as if he were in a Garry's Mod video. "WEMUSTFINDTHEMWEMUSTFINDTHEMWEMUSTFINDTHEM-" Deadpool yelled repeatedly as ponies & other species jumped out of the way of the the second most craziest man in the world next to the Joker (but that's DC, this is Marvel SUCKAS!!!) Who!?!?!? The Dazzlings. ...Who are they? They're the trio villain band that tried to take over the World in Canterlot high in Equestria Girls 2, remember? I don't really follow. Ugh... I can't believe I'm going there, but, here goes nothing: The girls that fart a lot. OOH!!! THOSE B***HES!!! The H***ers, right? "WEMUSTFINDTHEMWEMUSTFINDTHEMWEMUSTFINDTHEM-" Wait, why do we need to find them? Three ways: 1) Their evil 'fart' magic will cause disharmony across the land, 2) So we can prove we're the better artists than them, and 3) Sonata Dusk. The one that spoke of Taco Tuesday? The one that spoke of Taco Tuesday. "WEMUSTFINDTHEMWEMUSTFINDTHEMWE-" SHUT THE F**K UP!!! Deadpool stopped and looked at a nearby mirror. "Hey! I'm just trying to find those three b***hes!!! Care to stop me even more!?!?!?" Look, we can search for them, but we need to think logically on where they would be at. Ooh! Can we check the Beach for them!?!?!? That... will actually work. I'm surprised you figured that out. And can we check the carnival that's there!?!?!? Carnival!?!?!? What are you- LOOK!!! Deadpool turned around and, sure enough, they were near the beach and, on a port, was an amusement park like area going on with some, though not crazy, impressive rides going on. Many ponies were there, most of them families and couples preparing for hearts & hooves day to come. Many concession stands were there, one with the famous Fluffle Puff, Pinkie Pie, and Discord running a taco stand (though she seems to eat more of her stuff than selling), Derpy & the Doctor in a muffin stand, a one & only Donut Joe running a Donut stand, and other stands selling their own snacks or running their own games for suckers to pay & try to win the prizes for themselves or, more then likely, for somepony else. "Well call me a monkey's uncle!" ...You killed it! We had such a great time, and you killed it! Deadpool teleported to the amusement park, surprising a few ponies, but took it as no harm at all. Deadpool searched for the Dazzlings, not sure what they'd look like: They weren't goig to be human, that's a fact, but are they going to be their Siren selves as seen in Rainbow Rock's finale? If they were going to be that, then why the hell did we need to search for them in the first place!?!?!? "How did we even get back here?" A familiar voice asked. Deadpool stopped and turned around a corner to see who was speaking: there were three earth ponies there, and, just by the looks of them, they were the dazzlings!!! "Beats me," The pink earth pony with two huge purple with a mint green stripe ponytails responded: Aria Blaze. "I'm just glad we're not in that pitiful world anymore." "But we're not in our original forms anymore!!!" the golden coated earth pony with a huge, orange & yellow striped afro like mane, snapped back: Adagio Dazzle (their leader) "Come on girls," the light blue earth pony with a single, regular blue & dark blue striped ponytail of a mane, spoke with optimism: Sonata Dusk. "We can now blend in with pony society now!" "Are you suggesting we reform!?!?!?" "Uh... Sorta?" "Oh sure," Aria responded "what's next, we go in & celebrate whatever the townsfolk celebrates on?" "Uh... No... Not... really." "Of course, there you go, being stupid, AGAIN!!!" "Hey!!! I'm not stupid!!! I just don't use words good!" "ENOUGH!!!" Adiago snapped at her two friends "I hate to admit it, but I think Sonata's plan may work." "WHAT!?!?!?" The two responded, Sonata with a gleeful tone while Aria had an angered tone. "Think about it: our gems are now fixed, allowing us to sing great once again, and with everypony celebrating whatever they celebrate on, we can feed off their negative energy!!!" "Just stir up trouble again like in the human world?" Aria asked "Yeah, like that worked the first time." "This is different!!! With us being away from Twilight Sparkle, Sunset Shimmer, & their friends AND not knowing we're here, we can feast like queens!!! We'll be like-" "TACOS!!!" Sonata interrupted. "What!?!?!? No!!! I was going to say that we'll be like-" "Come here Taco!!!" Sonata ran away from her trio, following a taco that levitated over to a different area. "Sonata!!! Get back here!!!" "Eh, leave her," Aria responded "I guess your plan will work. With her out of the way, the more we get to feast on, am I right?" "... Fine. This should work with only your help." Sonata chased after the mysterious floating taco, wanting to get a wonderful taste from this delicacy!!! She dodged the ponies across her path, but was still focused enough to get to her delicious floating prey. The Taco landed onto a single paper plate, that was on a booth outside a stand, where a couple of other ponies sat on, eating their own tacos. Sonata jumped not her seat, took a good whiff of her treat, and then scarfed it down, laughing like a mad man as she ate the tortilla with lettuce & various veggies in it. She stopped as she was soon face-to-face with a weird, pink, super fluffy thing pony, staring at her. "Ptthptphtp." The pink thing spoke. "Uh... sure?" Sonata responded, having no clue what it said. A puff of smoke, and another taco landed on the plate. "So," a pink pony with a darker pink mane spoke, coming out from the fur of the other pink pony "Are you 'Sonata Dusk'?" Sonata chewed her taco slowly, sweating a bit. "Uh... yes?" "Are you with the Dazzlings?" a weird, slender monster asked, slithering it's way out of the fluffy pink pony's fur. "...What are you getting at?" "Just what I heard your leader, Adiago, spoke of." another voice responded. A puff of red smoke, and Deadpool appeared!!! "Name's Deadpool!!! I've seen you before and, might I say, I love you!!!" "You... love me?" "Of course!!! Who else loves that many tacos!?!?!?" The three inside the stand gave him a 'seriously?' look. "Alright, you three are in this as well." "Yay!!!" The regular pink pony & monster cheered together, with the fluff ball gasping with a smile. "What are you going to do with me!?!?!?" Sonata asked, shivering and sweating hard. "Easy as this," Deadpool responded, holding a flashlight underneath his face & turning it on, just to make him look more dramatic "we need you... TO JOIN US!!!" "... Seriously?" "Seriously!!! We have many perks here than when when you stay with those two!" "Like what?" "Discord, Pinkie, Fluffle Puff, show her the goods!!!" "With Pleasure!" Discord replied. With a quick snap of his eagle claw, Sonata, still in her chair, appeared in a pitch black area with a single lamp over her, and a board with the four around it. "To get this started, the first thing you have to know is that with you, you won't be the only villain to be reformed from their evil ways of life. Just look at me: I used to be the Lord of Chaos, now, I'm a lovable guy for ponies to be around!" Discord explained while, in his claw hands, held a ruler that pointed out all the things he and she did that were evil, but showing what has happened to him after reforming & what she can do if she's reformed. "Our second perk is that you can make more new friends than ever!" Pinkie exclaimed, pointing at a picture with her surrounded by other ponies, but really, the four were present around her. "Good guys generally have more friends than villains, which means more help, more of a good time, and more memories for you all to share together!!!" "Ptthpthptpthtpthhhtpthhpttttphtpthptphhhptphhhtttptthptpthptttttphtphpttttpppphhhhptphhhptptptptptphpthph!" Fluffle 'Spoke', showing a picture of Sonata earning wings & a horn, and becoming the princess of tacos. "And," Deadpool finished, pointing at a picture with all of them with halos above their heads with Deadpool's face turned to look like that of Markiplier "We're much better than those so called 'friends' of yours!" Discord snapped his finger, and they were all back to their stand. "So... ready to join us?" "...Sure." Sonata spoke "Alright everyone! Tie her up and- wait... what!?!?!?" "I'll join you guys! Truth be told, I don't want to be born as a creature that caused chaos among ponies, but after coming back as a pony myself, I may have a chance to live among my new buddies!!!" "That's... good." "Aw," Discord whined "I wanted to use the feather." "So," Sonata spoke, eating her taco "when do we begin?" Before they could speak, they heard, out in the distance, the singing of the two Sirens with green gas emitting out of nowhere. "I think we need to take care of those two." Discord suggested. "Good idea." Deadpool responded. "Come on! We must find those two and stop them!!!" "Shall I contact Twilight and the princesses?" Pinkie asked "Yes!!! If all else fails, it's good to know we have some friends!" "Ptthptphtppthpptphtpphtptphtp." Fluffle Spoke. "Really!?!?!? You have all that stuff!?!?!?" "What?" Sonata asked "What does she have!?!?!?" "...Instruments." Adiago and Aria, in the middle of a large crowd, began to sing! Without Sonata, they felt more magic around them, making them feel much more powerful than with all three. Perhaps, if two left, the one singing alone will be super powerful. The ponies all stood around the two, confused as to why they're singing, but were... entranced by their singing. The ponies' pupils shrunk until it seemed to disappear as they listened; it was now obvious that they were under the siren's influence, and that this was their first to be taken by the Siren's. The sirens continued to sing, releasing the green gas, until they heard... rock music? Turning around, they saw Sonata with Deadpool having a guitar, Discord having a Bass, Pinkie Pie on the drums, and Fluffle Puff... standing around while having a taco in her mouth. "Adiago! Aria!!!" Deadpool yelled "I'm going to give you this one offer: surrender and join your friend for rehabilitation or we're going to kick your *** with the power of rock!!!" "Try us!" the two responded and began to float in the air, having their pink, demon wings coming out. "You asked for it! Sonata: Sing!" "What!?!?!?" Sonata asked, confused on what's happening." "Fluffle Puff!!! Show her the lyrics!!!" Fluffle Stood up and walked in front of Sonata, holding cue cards on what she must sing. "Let's get this show started!" Pinkie yelled, tapping her drumsticks together. "And I've added flair to this attraction," Discord added "so this should be much better when we win!!!" "Let's start!" Deadpool yelled. He played an opening, followed by Pinkie on her drums & Discord with his bass and a few extra instruments floating in the sky, playing their part. "♫Na na na na na na na na na na na na.♫" Sonata sang, a bit nervous as she's battling her two smarter and, more than likely, powerful old friends. "♫Na na na na na na na na na na na na! I guess I just lost my best friends, I don't know where they went. So I'm gonna eat my money, I'm not gonna pay their rent♫." "♫Nope!♫" Deadpool sang along, adding more to the song. Sonata sucked it up and began to sing with more comfort, finding that, though she may be up against her old friend, her new ones may help out more. "♫I got a brand new attitude and I'm gonna wear it tonight! I wanna get outta trouble, but I wanna start a fight! Na na na na na na na I wanna start a fight, Na na na na na na na I wanna start a fight!!!♫" "♫So, so what!?!?!?♫" They all sang together, giving Sonata a HUGE boost in confidence! "♫I'm still a rock star! I got my rock moves, and I don't need you! And guess what I'm having more fun, and now that we’re done, I'm gonna show you tonight, I'm alright, I'm just fine, and you're a tool! So, so what!?!?!? I am a rock star, I got my rock moves, and I don't want you tonight!!!♫" A cloud of gas started to come from their group, but instead of green, it was now blue: Sonata's influence or something else? Who knows!?!?!? "Uh check my flow, aw." Deadpool added, standing next to Sonata while playing his guitar. "♫The waiter just took my table," Sonata continued "and gave it to Jessica Simps-♫" "S**T!!!" "♫I guess I'll go sit with drum boy, at least he'll know how to hit. What if this song's on the radio, then somepony's gonna die. I'm gonna get in trouble, My exes will start a fight. Na na na na na na na! They're gonna start a fight. Na na na na na na na! we're all gonna get in a fight!♫" "♫So, so what!?!?!?♫" They all sang together. "♫I'm still a rock star! I got my rock moves, and I don't need you! And guess what I'm having more fun, and now that we’re done, I'm gonna show you tonight, I'm alright, I'm just fine, and you're a tool! So, so what!?!?!? I am a rock star, I got my rock moves, and I don't want you tonight!!!♫" Their cloud of blue gas started to rival the size of the Dazzling's cloud and half of the crowd began to look at Deadpool's band. Discord snapped his fingers and a banner with 'El Pollo Loco' on it appeared. Sonata grew wings, but, not as menacing looking as her original self, but looked like Celestia's wings, matching her now glowing, white eyes! "♫You weren't there, You never were, You want it all, But that's not fair. I gave you life, I gave my all, You weren't there, You let me fall.♫" "♫So, so what!?!?!? I'm still a rock star! I got my rock moves, and I don't need you! And guess what I'm having more fun, and now that we’re done, I'm gonna show you tonight, I'm alright, I'm just fine, and you're a tool! So, so what!?!?!? I am a rock star, I got my rock moves, and I don't want you tonight!!!♫" "♫No, no, no, no! I don't want you tonight, You weren't there, I'm gonna show you tonight, I'm alright, I'm just fine, And you're a tool! So, so what, I am a rock star, I got my rock moves, and I don't want you tonight!!!♫" Their cloud consumed the Dazzlings, making the two fall to the floor and the crowd cheered for their heroes!!! Sonata's wings went away & her eyes went back to normal as she landed back onto the stage. Deadpool picked up Sonata, tossing her in the air a bit and having her land in the crowd, who began to crowd surf her. The rest of this weird, taco loving squad joined her, having the ponies carry them all in a large crowd surf. Deadpool teleported him and Sonata away, landing next to the Dazzlings. "Well Well Well," Sonata spoke "Looks like the stupid one has gained the upper hoof!!!" "How is that possible!?!?!?" Adiago yelled "You're too weak and stupid to do that!!!" Aria added "Maybe," Sonata replied "But I have one thing that you both don't know of." "And what is that!?!?!?" They both asked "...TACOS!!!" "Close enough." Deadpool replied, pulling out his cell phone. "Let's take a-" "A SELFIE!?!?!? I loved those from the other universe!!! Come on, GET UP you two!!!" Sonata carried the two up and held their heads to look at the camera. Deadpool entered the frame and took a selfie with the trio. They looked up and saw the princesses come down from the sky, seeing them. Celestia landed near them and walked over to Deadpool. She gave a curious look at the three. "Uh... Deadpool?" Celestia asked very curiously "Are those the Sirens Star Swirl abandoned all those years ago?" "They are!" Deadpool responded "Don't worry, Princess," Sonata spoke, bowing to Celestia "Deadpool offered me a chance to be reformed from my old evil ways, and I want to join your people, Celestia." "...Well... this is interesting." Celestia commented. She turned and saw the huge crowd surfing "I take it that was your doing, deadpool?" "Kinda," Deadpool responded, lifting Sonata up "it was actually all her working! She battled her two ex-friends and saved these ponies from brainwashing!" "...Really?" "It is!" Sonata added "They helped me out with their music!!! We'll be known together as... The Taco Squad!!!" "Taco Squad?" "Oh yes!" "Well... Sonata, I grant you Amnesty to rejoin pony kind from this day on! But know this: we will watch you. If we catch you doing anything evil, we will use all our might on you." "Don't be so harsh on her," Discrod's voice spoke. He appeared in a flash, holding Sonata in his arms "I will take good care of her. She'll be like my own daughter." "Daddy!!!" Screwball appeared out of nowhere, hugging Discord by the back of his neck. "...Alright... she'll be like an adopted daughter." "looks like my time here is complete." Deadpool spoke, smacking his hands together "But first!!!" "WHEEE!!!" Deadpool yelled as he rode the carousel in circles. Author's Note Become a fan here! https://www.facebook.com/pages/Deadpool-In-Equestria/774066309345002 Become a Patreon here! https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino Who should Deadpool meet next? GET REKT!!! Pony # 52 & 53: Button Mash and his mom, ElianaAfter his ride on the carousal, our favorite Merc stretched out his arms. That was fun! Now what? Well, we need to take a selfie with another pony, so I'm guessing- "THAT WAS AWESOME!!!" The cheer from a foal yelled. Deadpool turned and saw that there was an arcade area where, a bunch of foals gathered around for something. Curious, Deadpool teleported right behind the crowd, seeing what the commotion was about. Everyone was cheering as they watched two other foals playing an arcade game called 'The Fighter's Spirit'. On the left side of the machine, it showed a pegasus pony in golden armor holding a sword that glowed fire, and the other showed a ninja pony holding a knife in one hoof & throwing shurikens with the other. Above the arcade machine was a T.V. screen, showing the battle as a Cyborg looking unicorn mare (with a robot eye & upper right leg) battled against a werewolf-looking pony! The crowd released a loud cheer, as the camera panned to the Cyborg Mare, slowing down the fight, showing that she was charging up, and fired a huge blast from it's metallic eye, releasing tons of damage to the Were-wolf pony, completely taking away all it's health, followed by a large, red 'K.O.!!!'. "Recalibrating circuits," the mare in game spoke, pulling out a screwdriver and began to look through it's circuits in it's robotic leg "preparing for next battle." Deadpool looked down, seeing the defeated foal slammed it's hooves on the controls in defeat and some steam coming out of it's head. It turned, showing that it was a unicorn filly, and her opponent turned, showing that it was none other than Button Mash!!! The two shook hooves together, giving each other respect & saying that it was a good game. "Who can defeat Button Mash!?!?!?" A pegasus colt in front of Deadpool yelled "I don't think anyone can." A unicorn filly replied "I'm pretty sure that Somepony can defeat him!" A small earth pony colt spoke "Not Somepony," Deadpool said "SOMEONE!!!" The crowd turned and gasped at the sight of Deadpool. Button Mash turned around, sowing that he was on a stool, sipping some apple juice. Deapool pointed at the colt. "BUTTON MASH!!!" "Yeah?" Button replied, surprisingly calm while sipping his juice "I challenge your throne to this arcade game!!!" The crowd gasped at Deadpool's challenge, followed by some murmurs. "Oh please: I'm not just great at 'The Fighter's Spirit', I have a Fighter's Spirit!!!" Another gasp from the crowd! "Let's see your spirit I defeat you and you cry to your MOM!!!" More gasping, followed by 'Oh!!!'s. Button snarled at Deadpool. "Oh yeah! Well... you're... a Noob!!!" "Ha! A weak pony's defense! Let's us fight!!!" "Bring it on!!!" Deadpool teleported next to Button Mash, sitting in his own stool next to the colt. Deadpool pulled out a bit and placed it in the machine. "A NEW CHALLENGER HAS ENTERED!!!" The Game's inner announcer yelled. A character selection screen was shown, with fighters that poked really special from one another: there was the Knight looking pegasus in armor, the ninja pony, the cyborg mare, & the werewolf pony, but there was also as followed: a cowboy looking pony that resembled a bit like Braeburn, a knight pony in dark armor & had scars all over him, a unicorn mare that carried a bow & arrows (somewhat resembling an Elf from Lord of the Rings), a pure android pony with a single visor for it's 'eyes', the skeleton of an Alicorn wearing jewelry of royalty, a Tydal look alike but with more shark features in the face area, a scientist pony with an eye patch over it's left eye & carrying surgical tools around him, a stallion in a business suit with Sunglasses on (Agent Smith from the Matrix?), and a mare in a one piece tight black leather suit carrying guns & a sword. Deadpool picked the last one, seeing that she had more of his coolness and, perhaps maybe (though in a weird way) that she was... sexy, hearing that her name was Trinity. Button chose his character: the Dark knight pony with scars all over him (Named The Hand). Their character appeared right in what looks like an abandoned laboratory where Monsters roamed freely. The Camera went to Button's character, who held up his sword. "Your Soul will please my master!" The Hand spoke, aiming his sword at his opponent. The Camera panned to Deadpool's character, Trinity, who cocked her guns before holstering both at the same time. "You're easy money!" Trinity spoke in a cocky voice (not in the emotionless voice like the Matrix movies made though, a welcomed change Deadpool must say). The camera zoomed right out, showing both fighters standing in a 2-D field with monsters roaming in the background. "ROUND 1," The game's announcer spoke with the words coming up "FIGHT!!!" Button's character charged at Deadpool's character, giving him the first Blow attack! Deadpool character got up & shot at The Hand, dealing some, but not as much damage, as his opponent. Hand used some dark magic in his hooves, carrying Trinity in the air before slamming her onto the floor, followed by a quick 5 hit combo from his sword. Trinity got up and charged right back, taking out her sword and began to do some quick slices from her blade, making a 15 hit combo that ended with a quick uppercut! Hand got up and quickly grabbed one of the creatures near them, tossing it at the mare! The mare teleported away, appearing right behind him, but Hand quickly charged his sword and, with one powerful swing, sent the mare flying into another room! Trinity was tossed into a pit filled with the creatures in the background, all of which attacked her, taking away a large chunk of her health away, followed by the evil Knight jumping into the air & slamming her into the floor, sending her falling into an abandoned office area and landing her back onto a coffee table, immediately destroying it, causing her to roll over to the side, where the evil Knight landed. "The Hand Wins!" The game's announcer yelled. "Foolish Child!!!" Hand mocked, turning & walking a few steps back before going back into a fighting position. Trinity got up and cracked her neck, prepared for the next fight! Something neigh took notice on is the damaged look both were receiving: The Hand's armor began to have dents in it while Trinity's, more obvious to her than her opponent, was several cuts in her leather suits and cuts on her face. "ROUND 2, FIGHT!!!" Trinity began to fire at Hand, who blocked her attack with his shield. He began to charge at her, but Trinity quickly grabbed a mug and threw it at the knight, making him fall to the floor! She charged at him and he got up at the same time! He swung his sword at her, but she teleported right behind him, uppercutting him into the air followed by quick shots from her pistols! He got up jumped into the air, grabbed a hanging lamp post, and slammed it onto her, making her slide back on her back. He charged right at her, but Trinity got right up and grabbed Hand, slamming his head onto a computer, sending who knows how much Electricity through his body! He got up and attempted to do his powerful swing, but she teleported right behind him and, using her sword, sent a powerful swing on him! He flew into a hallway and landed roughly inside an elevator, but the cables snapped, sending him falling into the bottom floor, followed by an explosion, sending Hand rolling into a slums area with other ponies moving out of the way as he rolled in! Trinity appeared on the other side. "Trinity Wins!!!" "Come on," Trinity mocked, relaxing her shoulders "that was easy!". Hand got up with a dark aura around him, prepared for their next fight! "ROUND 3, FIGHT!!!" The Next fight, both sides gave it their all, as punches & kicks were made, Hand grabbing Trinity & sucking some of her soul away & vice versa with Trinity grabbing Hand & shocking him with a taser, Hand throwing an entire shack onto Trinity & Trinity rolling a wagon to him, crushing Hand & rolling over him! Both sides were ow on what little they have left! Hand glowed a dark purple aura &, from what it looks like, he would win this fight! Trinity teleported out of the way, landing right behind him as he failed to do his super move!!! Her eyes glowed as she pulled out her sword: Hand was kicked into the air, she jumped into the air, & she disappeared without a trace, but Hand was quickly sliced by white light, Trinity appeared above him & slammed a device to his chest, causing him to be knocked onto the floor! She teleported back to the floor, pulled out a trigger & pressed it's button. A huge explosion came from where Hand laid, followed by the announcer yelling in excitement! "ULTRA COMBO!!! TRINITY WINS!!!" Trinity turned her back and looked at her fallen target. "Another day, another paycheck." She simply said before walking away. The crowd gasped at what happened: Deadpool defeated the undefeated Button Mash! They cheered loudly for the new king of 'The Fighter's spirit'!!! "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Button Mash yelled "HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN!?!?!?" "Aw, don't worry little guy," Deadpool spoke, rusting the colt's mane "Lesson 1 in being a champion is humility." "...What?" "Easy as this: learn from all your defeats and get back up afterwards. Keep doing this & you'll be a champion in no time." Button turned to the mask human and smiled "Thanks, Mr. Deadpool" "That, or you if you fail, then you're not Batman... Hold on! THAT'S DC!!!" "...What!?!?!?" "Sorry, but, from the words of Homer Simpson: No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you!" "Uh... thanks?" "♫The More you know!!!♫" "Button!?!?!?" A familiar voice yelled "What are you!?!?!?" "I'm here, mom!" Button replied. Out from the corner of their arcade machine, a tan colored earth pony mare with a light brown ponytailed mane & tail entered. Her cutie mark was that of a heart & a baby bottle. This was Button Mash's mom alright. "There you are! I thought I told you to stay with me!" "Mom, I asked you if I could stay at the arcade and you replied with a 'yes'!" "I was answering another pony's question about the sight of Deadpool around here! And it turns out- oh... uh... hello." "Hola." Deadpool responded "Don't worry about your son: he and I had an epic duel that, I'm pretty sure, he will learn from in Humility." "...What did you do?" "We battled each other in 'The Fighter's Spirit'!!! It is so cool to play especially when we were battling!!! You should've seen it mom: Deadpool chose Trinity & I chose The Hand, and we both battled in the Offices, and-" "Don't worry honey, you can tell me later. I'm glad to see you had some fun and you're safe. Thank you, Mr. Deadpool. How may I return the favor?" "Easy: A selfie!!!" Deadpool responded "A what!?!?!" Both the mom and colt asked "It's just a picture." "Oh, good." "Come here you little Rascal!" Deadpool picked up the colt with one of his arms! Him mom got in between the two and the picture was taken (though Button & Deadpool posed as if they were rivals, but in a friendly way.) "Come button, we need those cards for your class, remember?" "Cards!?!?!?" Button asked "Yes sweetie: Hearts and hooves day is almost here, and we need cards for your class, remember?" "Oh... right. Bye Deadpool!!!" The two walked away, heading to who knows where. Deadpool turned and saw the crowd of ponies. "...Who want to battle me!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled. A loud cheer was made, as fillies & colts gathered around to battle the Merc with the mouth. When we lose, we leave, okay? Yeah! We can act like shippers on their Valentines day!!! Author's Note Become a fan here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Deadpool-In-Equestria/774066309345002 Become a Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino The Next chapter will be Vaneltines/Hearts & Hooves themed. Which couple would you like to see with everyone's favorite Merc? (Can be of the following only: DP with a new character (either he loves or Vice Versa), a character from a chapter with a new character, or two new characters (can already be a couple or shipped by D.P.) If any of you want to make a story for 'The Fighter's Spirit', feel free to do so, just Contact me & allow me to be the editor. I already have a bit of a story planned out for it, but I'm flexible enough to allow changes inside the story. And if you're wondering, I imagine the game playing as fast as Killer Instinct, with the interactive system from Injustice: Gods among us & the new MKX, and all with a T-Rating like Street Fighter. Tough Love. Pony # 54 & 55: Mandopony and Sibsy/WildfireAfter a couple of hours, having fun with the foals that battled against him, many of the kids' parents came around to take their child or children away. It wasn't until he saw that he was now alone. "Well... this sucks." Deadpool spoke to himself, getting up from his seat. Hearts and Hooves day is almost here, you know. Ooh!!! Let's see if we can make some love!!! WHAT THE F**K!?!?!? We're human, not ponies!!! So? Haven't you heard of a Centaur? "F**k that! We're not making another Tirek!!! We can survive without any b***hes on our love snake!" Oh sure, just like how you though- "Don't mention that again!!!" Yeah, I wonder what are we going to go on Valentine's Day! "Hm... recreate the Valentine's Day Massacre!?!?!?" Uh... no. Let's be logical here, we can- A loud whirring noise came right behind Deadpool, followed with an eerie green glow. Turning around, a huge, green portal was opened with a swirling vortex inside. WHOO!!! A GLORY HOLE!!! YOU IDIOT!!! That's a portal!!! Loud honking was heard from the other side, followed by a car slamming into Deadpool, leaving him dangling for dear life on the windshield!!! Inside were two ponies: a yellow earth pony stallion with a rugged looking orange-brown mane & tail with a Mandolin for his cutie mark, and a cream colored pegasus mare with a brown, nearly Maud like mane & tail with a single tire on fire for a cutie mark, both screaming as she tried to hold onto the wheel with her hooves. "WHAT'S HAPPENING!?!?!?" The stallion asked "IS THAT MARVEL'S DEADPOOL!?!?!?" "I DON'T CARE!!!" The pegasus responded "WHERE ARE WE!?!?!?" Deadpool teleported inside the vehicle, appearing & taking the pegasus in his arms, reappearing with her in the back seat, buckled her in, and teleported back to the driver area, taking the wheel. "Why my lovely couple," Deadpool spoke, driving wildly, crashing through a couple of buildings with ponies dodging out of their way. "Isn't it obvious: You're in Equestria!!!" "...Equestria?" the stallion replied "Ha! Yeah right, I doubt we're in Equestria right now, right Sibsy?" He turned to see his companion in the vehicle. "Of course Mando." Sibsy replied, turning to him. They both stopped and stared at each other; their eyes widened and their pupils shrunk. "Sibsy." "Yeah?" "You're your pegasus." "And you're your Earth Pony." They both looked down at their own new bodies, seeing that they no longer had hands or feet, or regular butts, but hooves and a tail sticking out from underneath. They both released a scream of pure terror!!! "GTA RAMP!!!" Deadpool yelled, putting all his foot power on the gas, sending the car going super fast on an upside down wagon!!! Deadpool pulled out a CD and placed it in the car's radio & pressed the 'Play' button. Haddaway's "What is Love?" began to play. The vehicle miraculously drove on the underside and the vehicle almost flew into the air! A couple of ponies could hear the blaring music inside, and seeing Deadpool inside, behind the wheel, bobbing his head wildly with two other ponies inside, grabbing the inners of the strange machine, also bobbing their heads, but not like Deadpool's, for their faces had fear in it, not fun! When the car landed, Deadpool turned the wheel a full let turn, causing the vehicle to roll on the floor, flip around six or seven times, and land in between two empty carriages as if it were parallel parked. Both Mando and Sibsy shivered with fear, holding very tightly onto the insides of the vehicle. "WHOO!!!" Deadpool yelled "NOW FOR THE MONEY!!!" "M-M-money?" Sibsy asked, still shaking. "Of course! GTA Logic: Perform a jump and God gives you money!!! WHERE'S MY MONEY, GOD!?!?!? Don't make me recrucify J.C. Again!!!" "I don't feel so good." Mando spoke. They opened the doors to their car & exited, seeing the vehicle needed A LOT of repairs on it, something that, by the looks of it,their insurance would barely cover up. Mando tried to balance himself as his cheeks puffed up, covered his mouth with his hooves, ran into a bush, and puked! Sibsy herself, went over to Mado's side and patted his shoulder when he finished. "There There," she spoke in a soothing tone I'm pretty sure that this is a dream that we may be having." "A dream?" A familiar woman's voice asked "I assure you that this is no dream." The couple looked up and saw, flying down & touching on the floor, was the Princess of the Night: Princess Luna. "You two seem new here. Tell me, is that... thing yours?" "MOONCHEEKS!!!" Deadpool yelled, teleporting next to her. "...Deadpool, why am I not surprised?" "You know each other!?!?!?" The couple asked at the same time. "Of course!" Deadool replied "Mooncheeks and I have had some crazy adventures, haven't we?" "Quit referring me as 'Mooncheeks' you buffoon!" Luna replied "You know you love it!" "I hate it!" "Oh yes you do! You love it as these two ponies!!!" "No I- wait... is today what thy subjects call 'Hearts and Hooves Day'?" Deadpool pulled out his cellphone and looked at the date. "If you mean Valentines day, then yes!!!" "Valentine's day!!!" the couple yelled together "Our date!!!" Sibsy yelled "Everything's ruined!!!" Mando yelled "Ruined?" Luna asked "What do you mean?" "We're not from around here, your majesty," Sibsy replied with a bow "but we were both going out for a date when we appeared here!" "And we have no idea what to do now!" Mando added "Everything was planned out from the start!" "Our Valentines day together is ruined!" they both yelled together. Luna saw their eyes watering up a bit with their lower lips hanging over their upper lips. She looked back at Deadpool. "I can't believe I'm saying this," Luna spoke with regret "Deadpool, can you-" "WITH PLEASURE!!!" Deadpool interrupted! He picked up the couple by their tails and teleported away! The three found themselves in the park of Manehatten, where the city has been decorated with lovey-wuvvey stuff. Deadpool set the two at a table inside the city's park, where other couple were around, doing their own stuff. "Psst," Deadpool whispered "Mandopony: I've heard all of your stuff and I know how much you and Sibsy love each other. To get the good stuff, read the poem I've sticked under you're a**hole." "...WHAT!?!?!?" Mando yelled. Deapool teleported away, leaving the two alone. Sibsy had a bit of a blank expression on her face, not sure how to comprehend everything now. "So," she spoke "one minute, we're driving in California, the next, we're teleported to Equestria as our pony selves where we meet Marvel's Deadpool, who happens to live here by the sound of it, and he's helping our date." "...Seems like that." Mando replied. Sibsy turned around and flapped her wings a bit. "I can't really explain, but this feels... natural." "I feel the same." "...Really?" "Yeah. I guess it must be because, well, I enjoy the show and you're the lead story board artist, we made our pony selves and, I'm guessing, we feel natural being our own original characters." "I... guess that makes sense." Mando felt something under his flank area and turned to see: it was a piece of paper. Mando pick it up and looked at it: it was Deadpool's poem he should read. "What is that? A poem?" "Um... yeah, it is." "Can you read it?" "...I don't really know." "Please?" Mando looked at his love, who's eyes seemed to flutter with each blink. "...Alright. Let's see how this goes: 'Your eyes, they flicker like a Sandalwood Sage Sunset. Your hair flows like Fresh Cotton Linens, hung to dry on the deck. Grandma's Apple Cinnamon Spice is the scented candle I would describe your mouth. And you're nose... an unscented emergency candle... for when the power goes out.'" Both Mando and Sibsy awkwardly stared at each other, then the poem. "Did... the writer of that poem really just used scented candles to describe his love?" "Looks like it. Can't real blame him though, have you ever went through a scented candle store or section without smelling ANY of those candles?" "...Fair point there." "And that's not all!" Deadpool yelled, teleporting back to the two. "To liven up more of these love poems, I've replaced random letters in the middle of words with apostrophes! For example: It Is Never Ever Over, My Lover Of Clover." Deadpool stood there and remained silent. "Well?" Sibsy asked "Got it! 'Tis Ne'er E'er O'er M'lo'er o' clo'er!" "...What?" Mando asked "Or! We can do what most people in the world now!" He teleported away and reappeared with a microphone & wearing a costume that can only be described as... Kinky. "We can sing about how much we want to do it! Innuendoes, of course, will be a lot more easier to hear than in the last 10 years!" "WHAT!?!?!?" The couple yelled together "How about the Song "Blow my Whistle?" ♫ Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby, Let me know?♫ Or how about the Ying-Yang Twins "Whisper in your ear"? ♫ Hey how ya doing lil momma let me whisper in ya ear, Tell ya something that ya might like to hear: Got a sexy a** body and yo ass look soft, Mind if I touch it and see if it's soft? Naw I'm just playin less you say I can and I'm known to be a real nasty man and they say a closed mouth don't give in and I don't mind askin for head. Ya heard what I said, we need to make our way to the bed, just wait 'till you see my d**k! Hey B***h, wait 'til you see my d**k!♫" The couple's mouths dropped as low as they could, hearing those stuff Deadpool sang about. Their mouth were brought back up, and they both growled at the Merc! In a flash, they both pounced onto Deadpool and beat the s**t out of him!!! Mando grabbed a random guitar and began to slam it on Deadpool's chest, followed by Sibsy using a pipe, who swung at his face & legs!!! They both slowed down, seeing Deadpool's body twitch like an insect. "Now that he's gone," Sibsy spoke "we should take care of the body." "Got it." Mando replied 2 minutes later: The couple threw Deadpool into a dumpster in an alleyway. "That takes care of him!" Sibsy spoke, wiping her hooves off together. "I can't believe Luna put HIM in charge of our date!" Mando yelled in anger "Did she purposely wanted our date ruined!?!?!?" "I hope not! If she did, oh, I'm going to-" "Hello there!" A cheerful voice replied. The couple turned and saw the married couple themselves: Shining Armor and Princess Cadence. The couple seemed to have a romantic stroll across the park, enjoying each other's company and love for one another. Both Mando and Sibsy seemed to be relieved that they could meet two other characters from the show, even though 'Meeting Princess Luna' fulfilled one of their bucket lists. "Honey," Shining Armor spoke "this is suppose to be our Hearts & Hooves day, remember?" "I know honey," Cadence replied to her husband "but I've never seen any ponies like these before. Are you new here?" "...We are." Mando replied "Why do you ask?" Sibsy asked "You two," Sibsy replied "are... just... so CUTE TOGETHER!!!" "...We are?" "Of course! I overheard you two are having a terrible date, is that right?" "It has been!" Mando replied "Honey-" Shining protested "Oh hush!" Cadence replied "I know how you both feel life, and that was when we were reminded of our anniversary. A good friend of Twilight helped us, made us a romantic dinner, and even performed a love song with the help from Discord." "I thought the friend was Discord." Mando whispered to Sibsy. "What was his name, Honey?" "Oh! Him?" Shining armor replied, waving a hoof under his chin "I believe his name was... Deadpool! That's it: Deadpool!!!" "DEADPOOL!?!?!?" Mando and Sibsy yelled in unison "You've meet him?" Cadence asked "They did!" Deadpool yelled from the dumpster. The lid opened and Deadpool fired himself into the air with his maniacal laughter, before falling onto the floor with a loud 'SQUEAK!'. "I'm okay!!!" "Good old Deadpool, it's good to see you again! Care to explain why you were in the dumpster?" "You could I was... in the Dumps!!!" *Ba-Dum, CRASH!!!* Wow... and I though your joke with Applejack was bad. "You!!!" Sibsy and Mando yelled in surprise and fear. "That's right! Quick healing factor!!!" "This is quite a surprise!" Shining Armor spoke, a bit surprised but finding it pleasant. "Get outta here!!!" Sibsy yelled "You ruined our date!!!" "...Are you sure?" Deadpool replied "You did!" Mando yelled, growling a bit "Our date became awkward REALLY FAST and your... music! That was AWFUL!!! We only enjoyed beating you up!!!" "Uh huh." "Oh yes!" Sibsy added "How you wept in pain and how Mando slammed you with that mandolin on your chest!" "Or how about how slammed his head & legs with that pipe!" Mando added "Never had I felt so young-" "And how much I loved you." The couple stopped as they heard Deadpool giggling with a freaked out looking Cadence and Shining Armor. "...Holy Crap! He's right!!!" "Told you!" Deadpool spoke. "Wow!" Mando spoke "He did got us closer!" "I... now feel kinda bad for beating him up." Sibsy spoke in a bit of a guilty voice. "Don't be!" Deadpool spoke holding up a bag "This will help!" "What are yo- OMIGOSH!!! DUCKY!!!" Deadpool pulled out a Rubber duck squeaky toy that shined on it's own! Sibsy took the duck out his hand, placed the toy in her hooves, and began to pet it, almost acting luck Gullem and/or Smeagol from both Lord of the Rings & the Hobbit Trilogies. "She loves ducks?" Cadence asked, a bit weirded out by Siby's affection for the rubber duck toy. "You wouldn't believe it!" Mando replied with a chuckle "But that makes her so special." "And for you, Mando," Deadpool spoke, pulling out a Mandolin "I got you this!" "Is that... my Mandolin!?!?!?" "It sure is!!!" "Oh sweet!!! Wait... how did you get it here!?!?!?" "MrAquino's Deus Ex Machina bulls**t." "... Who?" "Selfie!!!" Deadpool grabbed the couple together and quickly took a picture with the two, Mando giving a look that spoke 'WTF!?!?!?' and Sibsy hissing at him! "No, I must go!!! MATRIX!!!" A huge explosion came from right below him, sending Deadpool straight into the air, and leaving some singed hair that caused the rest of the ponies' mane to stick right up & the front side of their bodies to be blackened. "That was... strange." Mando commented "Right Sibsy?" He turned, only to see Sibsy still holding the rubber duck toy. "Ducky..." she spoke halfway psychotic. Author's Note Become a fan here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Deadpool-In-Equestria/774066309345002?ref=aymt_homepage_panel Become a Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino Mandopony: https://www.youtube.com/user/MandoPony Sibsy here: http://sibsy.deviantart.com NSFW: Sorry Sibsy, but you may need to learn about this: Who should Deadpool meet next? Lucky Brony B***ard!!! Pony # 56 & 57: BlackGryph0n & Michele CreberLucky Brony B***ard!!! Pony # 56 & 57: BlackGryph0n & Michele Creber Deadpool flew into the air, laughing as maniacally as he's known for! You really did ruin that couple's date, you know that, right? But Duckies saved the day!!! "They do!" Deadpool yelled. In the sky, a blue-grey pegasus with a turquoise & dark turquoise mane & tail, having an orange music symbol with an infinite symbol connected to it, flew around, carrying, in his front hooves, a near white grey unicorn filly with a light brown, single light purple outlined mane & tail, who's cutie mark was a microphone. "Hurry up, Soldier!!!" The filly yelled, mimicking an army general "If you want the next episode so badly, help me escape this nightmare!!!" "Hey!" The soldier replied "It's not that bad, Michelle. Sure we got hooves, but look: I can now fly! And you can perform magic! Shouldn't that's count for-" "GANG WAY!!!" Deadpool yelled. The two turned, only to be slammed by the Merc himself, and they all began to free fall! Though unconscious, the two ponies luckily landed on a ridiculously soft couch that was just being pulled in by the 'Quills and Sofas only' guy. Deadpool on the other hand, well... let's just say that if her were even more animated, he'd fly up into the air letting out a sound effect from Tom & Jerry. "Oh no!" the unknown guy that we'll call 'Jerry' for now. "I hope ponies don't mind red tipped quills." The two ponies woke up, snuggling the sofa a bit. "This is so soft!" Michele commented "I just wanna cuddle with it!" "I know," the pegasus spoke "It's so soft to lay down on!" "Well then," Jerry spoke, being the entrepreneur he is "I can arrange a deal for that!" "Get these quills out of my a**!!!" Deadpool yelled. The three let out a collective gasp, seeing Deadpool shake his butt with the quills being jammed into his cheeks & blood falling out slowly. They all looked at each other a bit awkwardly, wondering who should pull them out. "Alright, I'll do it!" Michelle spoke with a groan. She closed her eyes and grunted, as her horn had a blue spark and, with it, a blue aura around the pens. A loud rip, and the sound of Deadpool screaming caused her to lose focus, and everyone else cringing at the sight. Deadpool turned around and saw the bloody quills were not out, though, as Jerry spoke, were most likely red tipped forever. "Do... you need to see the Doctor?" Jerry asked "Nah," Deadpool replied "watch my amazing power as my butt cheeks heal!!!" Sure enough, the holes in his cheeks healed, filling in the holes with flesh and, for some weird reason, his costume as well. "... I'm gonna pretend I never saw that." The pegasus commented "Same thing here." The other two added together. Jerry took his couch inside the store quickly, along with the now red tipped quills, leaving the three alone. "Hang on a second," Deadpool spoke, invading the pegasus' personal space with his face nearly touch the other's face "You look familiar." "Same thing to you." the pegasus replied "Are you... Deadpool from Marvel's comics?" "Oh yes! You may think Marvel owns me, but I rest assure you, I own them!!!" "...Ok, how did you get here?" "Portal." "Ah! That make's sense." "Are... you BlackGryph0n!?!?!?" "I certainly am!" "HOLY S**T!!! BlackGryph0n!!! The same guy that made those 'Pony-licious' videos!?!?!?" "Same one!!!" "Who's part of the U.S. Navy AND is a Jazz Musician!?!?!?" "I do more than jazz, but yeah, I'm him." "AND IS BEST FRIENDS WITH MICHELE CREBER!?!?!?" "Oh yes! That is me!" "Where is she!?!?!?" "...Who?" "Michele!!! Where is she!?!?!?" "I'm right here!" The unicorn responded. Deadpool looked down at the unicorn, who looked up at him with an angered look. "Ha ha! Yeah right, you ain't Michele." "Yeah I am!" "No you're not!" "Yes I am!" "No. You're. Not!" Michele cleared her throat. "Buy some Apples!" Deadpool froze in place: her voice sounded exactly like Applebloom's!!! "Trust me," BlackGryph0n spoke "she really is the voice actor to Applebloom." "I now see that." Deadpool spoke, still dumbfounded. "How exactly are we gonna get outta here!?!?!?" Michele asked the pegasus turned soldier "I have no idea!" BlackGryph0n replied, scratching his head with his hooves. "Do you have any ideas?" "Not a single clue." Deadpool responded "DANG IT!!!" "But it's not all that bad." "How so?" Michele asked "Well... not too long ago, I actually had an encounter with both Mandopony AND Sibsy!!!" "MANDO AND SIBSY!?!?!?" The two asked in unison "Where are they!?!?!?" Michele asked "I have no idea!" Deadpool responded. Both of their heads & ears dropped. "Hey, don't feel too sad! You're in Ponyville for pete's sake!!!" "...We are?" BlackGryph0n asked "Duh! We just encountered that Quills and Sofas only guy, so we're defiantly in Ponyville right now!!!" The two looked around their surrounding and, sure enough, there were familiar faces and, well, not so familiar faces around. The mane 6 trotted around town, doing whatever they wanted to do, The CMC were using their new weapons on some cardboard boxes, and Discord, though floating, was being held down by hugs from Sonata, ILoveKimPossibleALot, and Screwball. "Is that... Kim?" "It is!" "Seems like you're not the only Brony here." Michele commented "Wait! Could Tara Strong be here!?!?!?" "Hm... Maybe." "Sweet!!!" "Hold on," Gryph0n spoke "how long do you think we may be here for? I just hope we can perform our next duo!" "Duo?" Deadpool asked "Michael Jackson's 'Bad'!" Michele responded. Deadpool froze, but, underneath his mask, he made a smile that could rival that of the Grinch. The two awkwardly stared at each other, not sure what Deadpool was planning. Deadpool disappeared in a puff of smoke for a few seconds, then reappeared with leather jackets in his arms, while wearing a near exact perfect copy of Michael Jackson's leather suit in the music video for 'Bad' (No gloves needed). "Put these on!" Deadpool ordered, anding the two their outfits. Deadpool pulled out a Microhphone and spoke into it "ATTENTION ALL PONIES I TOOK A SELFIE WITH: COME FORTH AND PERFORM YOUR DUTY!!! Έχω το πιο περίεργο βλακεία τώρα!!!" When he spoke that long lost greek sentence that would make Socrates filch in horror, all the ponies (and non ponies) he took a selfie with appeared, looking as if they were brainwashed. Deadpool pulled out his boom box and pressed the play button. With a snap from his finger, everyone had on a leather jacket (though Flash Sentry was now foaming in the mouth, thanks to his allergies around leather) and began to dance as in Michael Jackson's video. BlackGryph0n and Michele, feeling the beat & rhythm, followed along, standing right in between Deadpool, dancing with him. "♫Your Butt Is Mine,♫" Deadpool sang "♫Gonna Take You Right. Just Show Your Face, In Broad Daylight. I'm Telling You, On How I Feel. Gonna Hurt Your Mind, Don't Shoot To Kill. Come On, Come On Lay It On Me All Right. I'm Giving You, On Count Of Three. To Show Your Stuff Or Let It Be, I'm Telling You Just Watch Your Mouth. I Know Your Game, What You're About, Well They Say The Sky's The Limit, And To Me That's Really True But My Friend You Have Seen Nothing Just Wait 'Til I Get Through-♫" "♫Because I'm Bad!" The three non brainwashed character sang together with, everyone else doing the 'Bad Bad-Really,Really Dad in the background. "I'm Bad! Come On! You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad, You Know It! You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad, Come On, You Know! And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now, Just To Tell You Once Again, Who's Bad?♫" BlackGryph0n took the center and began his part. "♫The Word Is Out, You're Doin' Wrong. Gonna Lock You Up, Before Too Long. Your Lyin' Eyes Gonna Take You Right, So Listen Up, Don't Make A Fight. Your Talk Is Cheap, You're Not A Man. You're Throwin' Stones To Hide Your Hands! But They Say The Sky's The Limit, And To Me That's Really True, And My Friends You Have Seen Nothin' Just Wait 'Til I Get Through-♫" "♫Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad! Come On! You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad, You Know It! You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad, You Know It, You Know! And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now Just To Tell You Once Again, Who's Bad?♫" Michele Creber took the center to end this song & dance routine. "♫We Can Change The World Tomorrow, This Could Be A Better Place! If You Don't Like What I'm Sayin', Then Won't You Slap My Face-♫" "♫Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad! Come On! You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad, You Know It! You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad, You Know It, You Know! Woo! Woo! Woo!You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad! Come On! You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad! You Know It-You Know It! You Know, You Know, You Know, Come On! And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now Just To Tell You- You Know I'm Smooth, I'm Bad, You Know It!!! You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad Baby!!! You Know, You Know, You Know It, Come On! And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now- Woo! You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad! You Know It, You Know I'm Bad-You Know-Hoo! You Know I'm Bad-I'm Bad!!! You Know It, You Know! And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now Just To Tell You Once Again Who's Bad!?!?!?♫" The Song ended with everyone in a giant pose. Everyone started to shake their faces, wondering what the heck just happened!?!?!? Michele and BlackGryph0n cheered together, still seeing that, though they're ponies, they can still perform the king of pop's dance moves! (By King of Pop, I mean Michael Jackson, not the living beaver... she's the slums of pop.) "Look at that!" Bryph0n yelled, still dancing a bit "I guess even the King of Pop rules over Eqeustria!" "And it was awesome!!!" Michele yelled "Thanks Deadpool!!!" "Don't thank me," Deadpool replied "Thank good ol' MJ himself, probably in heaven right now... performing all the best music up there... and with all the children he can now chase up there." The two looked at each other awkwardly at Deadpool's comment. "O...k." They both spoke in unison. "But we need to remember this!!! The author already wrote everything down, I just need a selfie!!!" "A selfie!?!?!?" Gryphon asked "I've always wanted to take one with you." Michele spoke to the pegasus. "You- I... oh well, take it away!!!" "I'M BAD!!!" Deadpool yelled, taking the picture with the two in their leather jackets. In a puff of smoke, Deadpool disappeared. "Howdy there!" Applebloom spoke to Michele "Are ya'll friends with Deadpool!?!?!?" "Hold on," Kim spoke, looking at Gryph0n and Mandopony, who, in return, stared at the two of them. "BlackGryph0n and Mandopony!?!?!?" "Mando and Kim!?!?!?" Gryph0n spoke in a surprised tone "Gryph0n and Kim!?!?!?" Mando yelled "DUCKIES!!!" Sibsy interrupted, jumping into the middle with her rubber duck toy. "SIBSY!?!?!?" The three bronies all yelled "DEADPOOL!?!?!?!?" Everyone yelled, pointing at Deadpool on the roof of a local house. "Muffin." Deadpool simply spoke, holding a muffin in his hand, dropped it, and disappeared in a puff of smoke. Derpy, way in the back, saw the dropping muffin and flew super fast!!! She knocked everypony down, catching the muffin before it landed onto the floor! She ate her treat, mumbling how good it tasted. Author's Note Not really sure, but this may be Michelle Creber's O.C. (left) next to Claire Carlott's: http://maryponyartist.deviantart.com/art/Michelle-Creber-and-Claire-Carlott-OC-s-by-me-389781060 BlackGryph0n and Michelle, if the two of you are reading this, then please, perform it!!! Become a fan here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Deadpool-In-Equestria/774066309345002 Become a patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino Who should Deadpool meet next? Ain't I a stinker?. Pony #58: SolracDeadpool teleported from rooftop to rooftop, throwing away the Michael Jackson leather coat. It took him a while for him to notice that he was actually a walking distance. "COCK-A-DOODLE-DO!!!" a loud voice was heard. WHAT THE F**K!?!?!? WHAT THE F**K!?!?!? "WHAT THE F**K!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled "CUTE LITTLE BUNNEHS!!!" The voice yelled again. Deadpool teleported over right onto Fluttershy's roof, seeing, in her backyard, an earth pony stallion with an orange coat and black mane, with a white number six as his cutie mark. All the animals flutter shy tended were in a corner, cowering in uncontrollable fear, as the stallion kept walking towards them, smiling with white, triangular teeth. Who's that guy? ...Mother of Celestia. I hope we didn't have to do this, but we'll be going against one of the fandom's most beautify singers ever!!! WHO!?!?!? Solrac! "Or Yaplap!" Deadpool added "HEY!!! SOLRAC!!!" The stallion's ears perked up and turned around, looking for Deadpool. The 'Bunnehs' he had in a corner all hopped away, finding a way to freedom. Solrac looked down, seeing the rabbits had escaped. "No! No! NOOOOOOO!!!" Deadpool teleported next to the pony. "Get a grip, man! Those 'Cute little bunnies' cowered in fear from you!" Sorta like us with these ponies. SHUT UP!!! Solrac looked at Deadpool and made a face worthy of a reaction image that can be used on Facebook's comment area. "Are you... Deadpool!?!?!?!?" Solrac asked, not as loud as he was, but had more of a cartoon voice. "I am!" "Whoah! ... How did you get here??? And let alone, how are you a human and not, well, a pony like me???" "Well, you see, I-" The sky darkened with lightning coming out of it. A hole was made in the cloud and a beam of blue light came down, landing on the surface near the two. The blue light went away, showing that it was luna in the leather jacket Deadpool had everypony (and single human, griffon, dragon, and draconequues) dance in our last chapter. "DEADPOOL!!!" She yelled "THOUEST HAS RELEASED MY INNER RAGE, MAKING THEE INTO NOTHING MORE THAN A DANCING PUPPET!!! YOU WILL SUFFER FROM THE MIGHT OF-" "LUNA!!!" Solrac interrupted Before Luna could react, Solrac ran to her, tackled the night princess, and began to snuggle her! "What!?!?!? WE DEMAND TO KNOW WHO THOUEST IS!!!" "I REALLY LIKE YOUR MANE!!! "WE GOT ONE!!!" Deadpool yelled "WE GOT ONE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!" "...Who is this?" Luna asked, a bit blankly, as Solrac rubbed his head into her chest fur "Ah! Good ol' Solrac. He's considered the best singer around! You saw those other strange ponies with us, right?" "... The ones that are friends with the pony that loves Discord, but doesn't call him her father?" "BINGO!!! Solrac's friends with 'em." "...Is this true? Are you friends with those ponies who go by the following: Mando, Sibsy, BlackGryph0n, Michele, and Kim?" "YES!!!" Solrac yelled!!!, nearly blowing Luna back! "YES THEY ARE!!! AAAUUUGGGHHHKDMAKKFMALMDIDJISTIJHKDPFJEIOGJKW,NORMOSJVKXMS,MWSMKJSKVHUAHNXLKCHDLKLCHFKLSDNXCKLSDFK;ERJKNSDKVCKFHGIEHVKA JSCDG;KBFJF!!!" The two stared at Solrac awkwardly. "Are you sure he's a good singer?" Luna asked "I AM THE BEST SINGER AROUND!!!" Solrac yelled "HAVE ME SING ANY SONG AND I CAN DO IT!!!" Deadpool had a troll like smile under his mask. "I know just the song!" Deadpool simply said. Later, at 8:04 P.M. The city of Canterlot, along with all of the Pony-turned-Bronies Deadpool knew (and will soon take a selfie with), sat down, seeing Solrac stand on a stage, having a suit on. Because I'm lazy, Deadpool had Discord make him a special glove that could float and, in return, Deadpool will give him a show that he and IGN would rate 10 out of 10. Deadpool had on a suit and a white, George Washington look alike wig. Tonight, Deadpool agreed (using forged documents from a deceased 'Leopold') to be the conductor for this event. He stood at the Conductor's area, looking at the pony musicians around him and Solrac, standing on stage, waiting for Deadpool's notes, as he's been challenged to sing a one man choir. Deadpool lifted his hand to the left, hearing the musicians play their music as a warm up. As soon as he placed his hand down, they stopped instantly. He did the same with the right, and they followed as well. Solrac and Deadpool stared face to face, prepared for each other's moves: Solrac would have to follow Deadpool's gloves, matching a pitch with his 'singing'. With his right hand, Deadpool went to a chest area, then rose it to his head: Solrac followed. Deadpool put his hands to his side, and Solrac stopped, catching a bit of his breath. Deadpool lifted both of his hand in the air, waving his fingers as if he were casting a magic spell, hearing Deadpool being loud for a couple of seconds. He then, using only his right hand, lifted it from the bottom to the top, taking a second on each pitch, chucking a bit as Solrac followed. Deadpool turned to the side, placing his arm away to hide out of Solrac's sight. With his left hand, Deadpool waved it above his right arm, then below, seeing and hearing Solrac followed. Being mischievous, he turned around and used his index finger, a bit surprised at how Solrac followed. He pointed his arm up into the air, pointing at the sky, and Solrac followed. He placed his back, then quickly pointed down, using his wrist to point up then down slowly, hearing only Solrac following. He arched his back down, nearly having his arm hand touch the ground, as Solrac released the deepest pitch he could make with his voice. He turned back to Solrac and waved his hands up into the air, rapidly going from the bottom to the top! The crowd cheered for him, and Deadpool turned around, giving some bows, but then he rose both of his hands, stopping the crowd from cheering. He turned to Solrac, who only smirked, and cracked his fingers. S**t just got real! Standing on his tippy toes, Deadpool lifted his right hand in the air so high, and Solrac followed, releasing his most loudest and longest note EVER!!! It took him a while, but Solrac started to sweat and, though his coat was orange, he started to turn into various different colors!!! Deadpool was a bit surprised he could last this long, pulling his hand out of the now floating glove to see that a goo ten minutes had passed. He walked offstage, and Solrac continued with his grand note, rapidly turning color to color! "But Twilight," Spike complained, standing with Twilight just outside the building the opera was in "I'm not so easily bored at operas as you say I am! Plus, this is Deadpool: He makes the most awesome stuff happen!!!" The Doors slammed wide, and Deadpool had a letter in his hand! "What the-!?!?!?" Twilight yelled "Deadpool!?!?!? What are you-" Before he even said anything, he picked up spike and used him as a lighter, burning the letter, as it was sent away somewhere. Deadpool used on of his hands to rest on Spike's head, as he leaned on him, whistling a tune. In a few seconds, Derpy came along with a package in her mouth. "Package for Deadpool!" Derpy announced. Deadpool rant to her and took the package, leaving behind a couple of bits for her, then ran back inside, not even saying anything at all! "Well that was... interesting." Twilight commented, a bit dumbfounded on what just happened. Deadpool opened the package and his earmuffs had arrived! He placed them over his ears and went back to stage, seeing Solrac STILL on his note. He placed his hand back into the floating glove, watching Solrac fall to the floor, banging on the floor, almost begging for this to stop! The concrete around the area began to crack and, soon enough, the whole stage collapsed on the stallion!!! Deadpool turned around and bowed to the applauding audience, who just thought this was part of his performance (Half right and half wrong). Solrac climbed out of the rubble bruised but almost unfazed, as he bowed back to the applauding audience. Deadpool turned around and saw Solrac, then looked up, seeing a boulder of concrete just waiting to fall down. Deadpool raised his hand in the air again, and Solrac followed, continuing his note! the bouder fell down and cracked on Solrac's head, and the stallion was now unconscious! Deadpool took out a banjo out of nowhere and, using some notes, began to mock Solrac's finale! "HOLD ON JUST A SECOND!!!" Deadpool yelled "I NEED THAT SELFIE, MRAQUINO!!!" Oh! Sorry!!! Deadpool took the unconscious brony away, who began to regain consciousness. They teleproted away, back to Ponyville. Solrac's eyes opened, and saw that they were in Twilight's library. "Wha... what happened?" Solrac asked, followed by some heavy coughing. "Relax," Deadpool replied, dropping him to the floor "you just performed the role of a lifetime!" "I-I did!?!?!?" "You did!" Deadpool, took his cellphone out "How about a selfie, my beautiful sounding friend!" "Uh... ok?" Deadpool took the picture with a confused looking Solrac that, just like before, could be photoshopped to anything and get a million laughs... for the first month or so! "I must go! More people to see!" "Um... alright. Go ahead." Deadpool teleported away, just as the door opened with Twilight walking in with Spike "Why did he do that?" Twilight asked "Perhaps the opera singer was that loud?" Spike suggested "Maybe, or-AHH!!!" "TWILIGHT!!! DID YOU DO THIS!?!?!?" Author's Note Become a fan here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Deadpool-In-Equestria/774066309345002 Become a patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino Solrac: https://www.youtube.com/user/Yaplap Fangrils be like... Pony #59: Nowacking. Fangrils be like... Pony #59: Nowacking. Deadpool teleported out of Twilight's home: the night was still young, and the moon glowed all over the land of Equestria, giving some light to the ponies & creatures below. Though most of the light's in each home were either off or on to only be turned off, one house's lights were still on, glowing various lights. Music was heard, techno by the sounds of it, even though it was muffled, and cheering could be heard inside with the silhouettes of ponies dancing inside. HOLY S**T!!! A party!!! I'm not really sure if we should enter there: it could be some pony's birthday. The door slammed open, as two ponies came out, both stumbling, probably drunk. "Who knew the birthday girl... is her own DJ!?!?!?" One of the two spoke "Dude... I have... hooves." The other spoke. "He smoked himself r*****ed!" Deadpool commented OOH!!! IT'S VINYLE'S BIRTHDAY!?!?!? We've got to go inside!!! Hey! This could be a closed off party. A silhouette of another pony approached the house and walked to the two drunk ponies. "Is this the house to Vinyl Scratch!?!?!?" The pony asked in a voice that sounded too familiar. "It is!" The drunk spoke. "Can... anyone go in?" "Depends," the smoked one spoke "are you... fun?" "Uh... yeah!" "...Go on in." He or she fell to the floor face first, followed by loud snoring. "That was... weird." "Who's weird?" The drunk spoke, falling to the floor, also snoring. The pony walked in. Ugh, I guess we're going in there, right? "F**K YEAH!!!" Deadpool yelled. He teleported inside, and, stood in the middle of the dance floor, with some ponies drunk, others just having a good time. He danced a bit to the blaring dub step (Skrillex's Bangarang?) and, just moments before the Bass dropped, a loud scratch was heard, followed by the regular lights turning on. Everyone groaned, turning to the birthday girl/DJ, as a pony was near her face, having a bit of a creepy smile: the pony was a purple pegasus mare with a short, smooth black mane but a scraggly tail, and her cutie mark was the famous masks for comedies and tragedies. "Can I help you?" Vinyl asked in an annoyed tone "Or can I get make to making wubs for the ponies celebrating my birthday?" "VINYL!!!" The pony shouted with excitement, still recognizable. "It's me: I'm your unannounced voice actor!!!" "...What?" "I can't believe it!!! I am in Equestria and first Pony I meet (minus the two outside) is the pony I voice as!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!!" "Who... are you?" "I'm Jessi Nowack, but please, call me-" "NOWACKING!!!" Deadpool yelled! The two turned around and saw Deadpool standing, pointing at her as if he were Phoenix Wright. "I finally recognized your voice: the voice actor for Vinyl scratch in various videos and music!" "Are... you serious?" Vinyl asked, turning to Nowacking "This pony does MY voice in OTHER Ponies' works!?!?!?" "Back where I'm from, yeah!" Nowacking replied, taking in a lot of pride. Vinyl's left eye began to twitch. "It's kinda fun when in your hooves! I mean, I can-" Vinyl tackled Nowacking off from her booth, and the two rolled to the dance floor. All the ponies, especially the drunks, backed up, knowing s**t was about to go down! "NOPONY STEALS MY SPOTLIGHT!!!" "I'm not stealing it! I'm making you more famous!" "LIAR!!!" WHOO!!! CATFIGHT!!! We should stop them! "...let's see how this works." Deadpool commented to himself, getting right behind the DJ Booth. "ACTIVATE: FIGHTING MUSIC!!!" He pressed the button and, the song that played, was 'Timber' OH HELL NO!!! Not S***ty a** Pitbul!!! And Ke-Dollar Sign- huh! "CHANGING!!!" The next song was '#Selfie'. AW S**T!!! That is a BULLS**T song on our quest!!! "F**K THIS SONG!!!" He played the next song and the song 'Boyfriend' played. ...why!?!?!? Do ponies have a s**tty tast in music like home? "CRACK THIS!!!" Deadpool pulled out a sledgehammer and, with four strikes, he destroyed the DJ booth! "HEY!!!" Both Vinyl and Nowacking yelled in unison. Deadpool looked up and saw the two, though beaten up, still standing and giving him a death glare. "MY BOOTH!!!" Vinyl yelled. The crowd began to leave, leaving the three alone. "Deadpool! Why!?!?!?" "You have some S**tty taste in music!!!" Deadpool replied "How?" Nowacking asked "She's a f***ing DJ!!!" "Timber! Selfie! Boyfriend! The three strikes in s***ty music!!!" "I only have those because Ponies may request it!" Vinyl replied angrily. "...What?" "Ponies may request those S***ty songs for anything!" Nowacking added "She may create music, but even then, she needs to play songs requested by the audience!" "... oh... wait, what happened?" "I came along." Octavia spoke, walking around a corner from another room with bags under her half closed eyes. She released a long yawn before speaking again. "Vinyl couldn't help but have a party for her birthday, so I sound proofed my room up." "Why did you come down then?" Vinyl asked "I... really can't explain. It's almost like Pinkie's 'Pinkie Sense', but with you, Vinyl." "Aw!" "It's a curse. Anyways, I was lucky to stop both of you from becoming psychopathic murders like Deadpool here... no offense." "I don't suffer from Insanity!" Deadpool replied "I EMBRACE IT!!!" In a puff of smoke, Deadpool disappeared, then reappeared with a some yoga pants, a blue bra, and a wig that came from a local Spirit store during Halloween. "Come on Girls! Let's push it!!!" He began to do a weird workout that, if explained in detail, would offend all the female readers as of right now. "...That is just sexist!" Nowacking commented on Deadpool's training! "Shut up! You're just jealous boys think I'm prettier than you: You have a horse face!!!" "NO I DON'T!!!" She stopped as all the two other ponies looked at her. "...Aw F**k!" "Got the mouth as Deadpool, eh?" Vinyl asked "OOPS!!! Sorry!" "It's nothing, really." "It's true!" Deadpool spoke, teleporting and carrying both Vinyl and Octavia together "I've battled both of these ponies in a music battle!" "A... music battle!?!?!?" "It's true," Octavia spoke with a yawn. "Deadpool is quite gifted with both forms of music, that, I am impressed on." "Impressed!?!?!?" Vinly returned "You should be Awe-Struck!!! He's so awesome, even if he did kill Tirek!!!" "HE WHAT!?!?!?" Nowacking yelled "That's right!" Deadpool acknowledged "I killed Lord Tirek!!! AVENGING TWILIGHT'S HOUSE AND BEES!!!" "And I'm more afraid of HIM than Tirek." Octavia replied, shaking a bit "Oh you silly two!" Deadpool began to pat their heads at the same time. Vinyl obviously loved it while Octavia cowered from it. "Hey!" Nowacking yelled "Oh! Sorry!" Deadpool extended his right foot and began to scratch right behind Nowacking's ear. Immediately, the pegasus fell to the floor and purred on impact, as Deadpool, while on one foot, made the ponies around him feel good! "Oh Deadpool! This... feels... so... good!" "I know, Senpai." "Senpai!?!?!?" Vinyl and Octavia asked "YOU HEARD NOTHING!!!" Deadpool and Nowacking teleported away, leaving the two dumfounded, landing and standing without anything much to say. "...Well, I'm going back to bed." Octavia spoke, walking back to her room. "I guess I'll sleep as well." Vinyl added Deadpool and Nowacking teleported onto the roof of the house, and Nowacking laid in his arms, rubbing her head into his chest. "Oh please!" Nowacking begged with her eyes shut, probably thinking he was still scratching behind her ears "GIVE IT ALL TO ME!!!" "...Dirty s**t!" Deadpool yelled. Nowacking opened her eyes and noticed she was in his arms, holding her as if they were a married couple. She opened her wings and flew up a bit. "Sorry about that! It's that you... well... made me-" "Don't worry about it. Selfie?" "A selfie!?!?!?" "Tasked by Luna to do it." "...What's in it for me?" "I'll help you find one of the other Bronies around here." "...The other guys are here!?!?!?" "Yep!" "...Fine! Let's take the stupid picture." "# STOPWITHTHEF***INGHASHTAGS!!!" Their pic was taken. "So, who's the closest?" "Solrac is in Twilight's castle right now!" "...That guy?" "Yep!" "...Ugh, might as well." She opened her wings and flew away. Deadpool stood there and stared at the moon. "Oh Mooncheeks... If I were on the moon, I'd moon the world with the moons on my moon cheeks during this full moon night!" "Go to sleep." a voice spoke. "WHAT THE-!?!?!?" A hard impact was hit right behind him, and Deadpool fell to the floor, unconscious. Author's Note Become a fan here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Deadpool-In-Equestria/774066309345002?ref=bookmarks For more Nowacking, check out these: https://www.youtube.com/user/Nowacking and http://nowacking.deviantart.com Nowacking's O.C.: http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/276/7/a/nowacking_oc__request__by_wyntercreations-d5gqhlb.png This is probably my most weakest entry.(Had a lot of work to do and was Distracted with "The Flash") Who should Deadpool meet next? "My Name is-". Pony #60: Jeff (the killer [Ponified])Deadpool rolled off the roof, falling onto the ground face first. WHO DID THAT!?!?!? Somepony's gonna die Tonight!!! "Ahh... a lovable kill!" a creepy voice spoke, laughing maniacally. "Are the townsfolk's here any different?" Deadpool got up, cracking his back. "You suck at killing!!!" Deadpool yelled. A loud *Thump* was heard right behind him, and, after turning around, he saw the would be killer: it was a perfect white stallion with a black, messy mane & tail, and his cutie mark was that of a knife with blood coming off of it. His eyelids were gone, giving the illusion that he had sort of had full on attention eyes, and the sides of his mouth were carved, showing some flesh, but made it look like he was smiling. "A Survivor, eh? No problem... I'll just stab you some more!" Deadpool stared at the pony, who held a knife in one of his hooves and began to walk to him, still 'smiling'. He started to, first giggle, then chuckle, and finally, he went into full laughter falling to the floor! The killer pony stopped and gave it's best to make a confused look. "Oh man!!! Are you seriously a ponified version of 'Jeff the Killer'!?!?!?" "...Ponified?" Jeff looked down and nearly jumped at his own hooves. "What the-!?!?!? Am I... a horse?" "A pony!" "... Oh well, might as well get used to this. NOW DIE!!!" Jeff kept to Deadpool and began to stab him in the chest! "AUGH!!! Stop!!! Oh! I'm dying! I see the light! Is that heaven? No! It's hell! NO!!! WORSE!!! IT'S ADAM SANDLER'S MONSTER: HAPPY MADISON PRODUCTIONS!!! DON'T TAKE MY COMEDY AWAY YOU FOUL BEAST!!! DON'T TAKE MY COMEDY AWAY!!!" "Why... aren't you dead yet?" The two stopped and looked at Deadpool's chest, seeing it heal fast. Jeff tried to make a freaked out face, but, as you can guess, only looked liked a one dimensional drawing on a character smiling 24/7.Deadpool laughed at his sight, mocking the killer. "INSTANT HEALING MOTHU F***A!!!" He teleported, standing next to the killer "Almost forgot about this: 'My name is Jeff!'" "...What!?!?!?" "My name is Jeff!" "...Why are you-" "My name is Jeff!!!" "...Can you-" "My name is Jeff!" "What does that even-" "My name is Jeff!!!" "Are you really planning on-" "My name is Jeff!!!" "Seriously! Stop-" "My Name is Jeff!!!" "STOP IT!!!" Jeff pulled out his knife and sliced Deadpool's leg, causing him to fall to the floor! With his knife, he stabbed Deadpool in the face multiple times!!! After a couple of minutes, Jeff relished in his victory with a deep-cuts-in-the-face Deadpool. "Hey!" Jeff screamed a bit, seeing his face heal. "YOU'RE STILL NOT DEAD!?!?!?" "But of course! I know your weakness... 'Jeff'!" "...What!?!?!?" "Lemon and tangerine juice!!!" "...How is that- OH GOD!!! MY EYES!!!" Deadpool squirted two packets: a lemon and a tangerine into Jeff's eyes, and the killer got up and touched his own eye balls, only to scream louder. "Ha Ha Ha!!! Not so smart to cut off your own eye covers, eh?" "IT HURST!!! IT HURTS SO BAD!!! I HAT YOU SO MUCH MR... MR-" "My name is Jeff!!!" "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!" Deadpool watched as Jeff carried a knife up to his own face and stabbed himself in the brain! He fell to the floor, limp, and was now dead. "...poor Jeff... he was so young and... a bit more sane than me." Probably. Definitely! "Oh well... a quick selfie and burial couldn't hurt!" He picked up the corpse and took a selfie, removing the knife before taking the picture. For the burial... well... Deadpool dug a hole just enough for Jeff's body, but having his head stick out. Why is his head still up!?!?!? "Duh! So he can breath!!!!" I don't think he'll need to breath in hell. "...Yeah... I suppose you're right. Goobye, Jeff, you'll be remembered in Creepy Poosta as a short lived meme, and as a vine trend thanks to 22 Jump Street." Author's Note Become a fan here!!! https://www.facebook.com/MrAquinowuvsponiesandDeadpool?ref=aymt_homepage_panel Note: Last chapter, I didn't realize i made a Jeff the Killer reference and, well, I hoped you chose something different (Say, Dr. Wolf, Coco Pommel, Cheese Sandwich, ECT.) Poor Jeff... after 22 Jump Street, no one will think he's scary anymore: Who should Deadpool meet next!?!?!? Better than the human Comedian. Pony #61: Golden Harvest/Carrot TopThe sun rose above Ponyville, and nearly everypony began to wake up to start their day. One of these homes, right near Sweet Apple Acres, was a carrot farm with, as you can guess, a carrot shaped things on it. Inside, another pony laid in her sleep. The pony was an earth pony mare, who had a pale & light grayish olive coat with a Pinkie Pie-Sweetie Belle looking brilliant gamboge mane. She had a pleasant dream on how she and her coltfriend will, one day, get married, and the two will be able to have kids of their own. *CRASH!!!* She woke up, grunting to herself. "Derpy..." She scowled. She got up from her bed and traveled downstairs, hoping to stop Derpy from raiding her refrigerator... again!!! She looked around a corner, only to not see a familiar yellow tail, but, nothing. She walked around more, but 'Eeped' at the sight on who was actually raiding her fridge: Deadpool! Deadpool had an armful of junk food, and, underneath his mask, he seemed to be eating some of her crunchy chocolate chip cookies. He turned and froze as the sight of the mare, being perfectly still as if he were a raccoon spotted by someone, slowly chewing, but awkwardly. The two stared at each other for a moment. "...Don't tell Derpy." Deadpool simply spoke. At that moment, one of the tiles of the floor shook a bit, and Derpy came right up, nearly just inches away from the fridge! She stopped and turned both ways, seeing her friend and Deadpool standing there, awkwardly. She sunk back into her hole, leaving the tiles as if she was never there to begin with. "So that's how she get in!" The mare exclaimed. She looked back up at Deadpool. "...I'm sorry for that," Deadpool returned "Name's Deadpool: Merc with the Mouth and Killer of Tirek!" "Name's Golden Harvest, but most ponies call me Carrot Top." JUST LIKE THAT COMEDIAN!!! Anything BUT that 'Comedian'. "Why did you raid my fridge?" She asked "Oh! Well... you could say I was... hungry." He responded, blushing under his mask "Really? Well... put that stuff back in the fridge and I'll make you some breakfast, okay?" "Can I join!?!?!?" Derpy asked, having her head pop out of the hole with the tiles balancing on her head. "Uh... sure. Just don't raid my fridge!!!" "Yes Ma'am!" Derpy flew and took her, still having the tiles balancing on her head, while Deadpool, very lazily, placed all the stuff he raided back into the fridge. He teleported next to Derpy, and the two sat together. "So..." Deadpool spoke "Fought any of them Daleks?" "Daleks?" "Oh... you know... EXTERMINATE!!!" "What!?!?!? No!" "Oh don't lie to me! I heard why you and your husband spoke about right after I left: 'Get the T.A.R.D.I.S.'." "YOU'RE LYING!!!" "I'm not lying! You've got secrets! Tell me, did you both travel in time to meet me, perhaps go into MY world?" "I- Uh... I... You have secrets!" "I won't lie on that." "Secrets?" Golden Harvest asked, turning down the stove and letting the eggs inside cook. She walked and sat in front of him "What are those secrets?" "I don't think you'd like them." Derpy spoke "AH-HA!!!" Deadpool yelled "You do know 'em!!!" "What are they!?!?!?" Golden asked "I'll tell you them!!!" Music began to play right behind them. "...Where is that coming from?" "Oh no!" Derpy spoke "Another song!!!" In a flash, two Cybermen appeared next to Deadpool, but seemed to follow his dancing. "♫Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, Mata ah-oo hima de!♫" The cybermen sang "♫Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, Himitsu wo shiri tai♫" "♫You're wondering who I am!♫" Deadpool sang "♫Secret, Secret, he's got a secret!♫" "♫Machine or mannequin!?!?!?♫" "♫Secret, Secret, he's got a secret!♫" "♫With parts made in Japan, I am the modren man!!!♫" Deadpool started to do a simple shake with his arms, looking as if he were in a lost beach commercial, with the cybermen following and, though not really sure why, Derpy and Golden Harvest danced along with him, standing on their hind legs. "♫I've got a secret, I've been hiding, under my skin! My heart is human, my blood is boiling, my brain C.A.F!!! So if you see me, acting strangely, don't be surprised. I'm just a man who, needed someone, and somewhere to hide To keep me alive! Just keep me alive! Somewhere to hide, to keep me alive!!! I'm not a Psycho without emotions. I'm not what you see! I've come to help you with your problems, so we can be free! I'm not a hero, I'm not a saviour, forget what you know!!! I'm just a man whose circumstances went beyond his control. Beyond my control!!! we all need control!!! I need control!!! We all need control!!! ... I am the modren man!!!♫" "♫Secret, Secret, he's got a secret!♫" The Cybermen, along with Deroy and Golden Harvest sang together. "♫Who hides behind a mask!♫" "♫Secret, Secret, he's got a secret!♫" "♫So no one else can see-♫" "♫Secret, Secret, he's got a secret!♫" "♫My true identity!!!♫" The cybermen and ponies started to do the Robot Dance while Deadpool simply Broke dance. "♫Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, domo...domo! Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, domo...domo!!!♫" They continued doing the 'Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto' alone for 11 seconds, and continued while Deadpool sang his part. "♫Thank you very much, Mr. Roboto, For doing the jobs that nobody wants to, and thank you very much, Mr. Roboto, For helping me escape just when I needed to! Thank you-thank you, thank you!!! I want to thank you, please, thank you!!!" They all stopped. Both Derpy and Golden shook hero heads, regaining control on what just happened. They looked up to see Deadpool with his he'd hung low. "♫The problem's plain to see: too much technology! Machines to save our lives. Machines dehumanize. The time has come at last!!!♫" "♫Secret, Secret, he's got a secret!♫" The Cybermen sang again! Deadpool tore off his mask, only for another of his mask to be underneath it!. "♫To throw away this mask!!!♫" "♫Secret, Secret, he's got a secret!♫" "♫So everyone can see!!!♫" "♫Secret, Secret, he's got a secret!♫" "♫My true identity... I'm Wilson! Wilson! Wilson! Wilson!!!♫" The cybermen fell into multiple pieces, one of which, landed onto the eggs that caused them to fly into the air, flip in mid air, and another landed on the counter, causing some three plates to fly & fall in the air. The pan the eggs were in flew into the air, but landed in the sink with a loud *CLANK*. Deadpool caught the plates in the air and, in a few moments, the eggs landed on the plates, perfectly cooked and with no mess. The two stared with their mouths wide open. "...I guess breakfast is ready." Derpy awkwardly chuckled. "That... was... AMAZING!!!" Golden yelled, hugging Deadpool as he balanced the plates on his arms. "Uh... a little help?" Deadpool asked "Oh! Sorry!" Golden and Derpy took their own plate off, and Deadpool sat down with the others. All three enjoyed their eggs. "Surprised I got some Cybermen to follow me, Derpy?" "Oh, them?" Derpy asked "Uh... kinda. How did you do it?" "Well..." he leaned in and whispered Derpy the secret of getting Cybermen to follow you. Derpy gasped "JUST LIKE THAT!?!?!?" "Just like that." "I GOTTA GO!!! MY HUSBAND NEEDS TO KNOW THIS!!!" Derpy ran out of the door, finally dropping the tiles off her head. "I... won't ask on that." Golden replied, a bit freaked out at Derpy's reaction. "I must say, you made this morning really great! Stopping Derpy from raiding my fridge, that dance-song we did, AND saving breakfast... you are really talented." "Stop it!!!" Deadpool replied, blushing while waving his hand as if he were a girl. "We must remember this!" "Already got it... A selfie!!!" "Selfie?" "Picture." "Oh. Bring it in then!" The two got together and took a selfie together! "Say, were you here last night?" "Uh... kinda." "Where?" "Right... next to you?" "WHAT!?!?!" "BYE!!!" Deadpool ran outside the house!!! MUCH earlier: Deadpool laid down next to Carrot Top. She purred a bit when Deadpool scratched behind her ear. "Chek that off the bucket list," Deadpool spoke softly, checking off a list with, on it, 'Make a pony purr in their sleep'. "Now, to sleep with one as if it were a dog." Deadpool tuned and placed his chest on her back. She grumbled a bit, but Deadpool placed an arm over her. Soon, he fell asleep, and the two, though looking a bit innocent, would've looked creepy if anyone of you readers stood there and watched. Wait a minute... why would you be there? Ah screw it... End Chapter!!! Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next. Tecnhologic. Pony # 62 & 63: The Living Tombstone and Wooden Toaster/ GlazeDeadpool ran tight into town square, stopping to take a breath after his 'Sanic' running. Why did we agree on calling it 'Sanic' running? Because it's funny!!! Before Deadpool cloud say anything, he noticed two ponies walking in the distance: a grey earth pony stallion with a medium-short blue mane & tail that ended with red tips, wearing light blue headphones over his ears, and a yellow-green pegasus mare with a Vinyl Scratch looking mane & tail, but green with her own coat color as the stripes. Tehri cutie marks... well, you know 'em already. "Holy... f***king... s**t!" Deadpool spoke slowly. He teleported in front of the two, causing both to have a jump scare. "THE LIVING-MOTHER F***ING-TOMBSTONE AND WOODEN-MOTHER F***ING-TOASTER!!!" "...Who are you?" Tombstone asked "Ahem... The name's Deadpool! You may know me for my awesome appearances in the marvel comics, my spotlight steal in the amazing Spider-man cartoon, my own video game and- I'm not going to say that one... the regretfulness." "Oh! You're really Deadpool?" Toaster asked "Of course I am!!!" "Can... you give us proof?" Deadpool grunted a bit. They seriously don't believe us!?!?!? How!?!?!? 1 word: Cosplayers. Deadpool teleported away for a bit, returning to Jeff's head, slowly rotting away with some of Fluttershy's birds peking his eyes out. Deadpool took the blade out of his skull, then teleported right back, "Watch this." Deadpool simply spoke. He threw the knife into the air, cutting through the very end of a sleeping Rainbow Dash's mane, then returning, cutting through the tip of her tail. Deadpool crossed his arms and waited impatiently for the knife to fall down. In a couple of seconds, the knife landed straight into Deadpool's skull!. The two pony turned electronic artists stood with an awkward look on their face. "You know," Tombstone spoke "We would've just accepted the teleportation." "Ah don't worry! I need some pain in a while!!!" Deadpool grabbed the handle of the knife and ripped it right out, squiring some blood out and having some of his brains on the blade! "Oh! I think I pulled out some of my intelligence! Better add this to my Raison Brand!" "I... don't think it works like that." Toaster spoke "Hold on," Tombstone spoke "If you're here as a human, then tell us: why are we our pony selves in Equestria." "...Reasons." Deadpool simply replied "Any other reasons?" His voice became annoyed. "Only one: The author of this fanfic didn't know how he could make a pony version of, so he kept my awesomeness to the maximum by keeping me human, so that way, I could do all the stuff that every brony wished they could do, just not survival! Plus: if I were a pony, I'd run around naked, flashing my d**k to all the ladies! ... Me Gusta." "Did somepony say 'Me Gusta'!?!?!?" Pinkie asked out of nowhere. She turned and saw the two new ponies. "OMIGOSH!!! New ponies!!! I gotta throw this party quickly!!!" A snap was heard, and a whole Mexican themed party appeared in a flash, completed with a mariachi band, piñatas, and, you guessed it, Tacos!!!. Discord appeared in a flash, wearing a sombrero, poncho, and a bandito mustache, holding maracas in his hands. "I figured I'd help you on this, Ms. Pinkie Pie." Discord replied "Vaya, gracias, la discordia." "Vamos a conseguir nuestra Mexicano!!!" Deadpool yelled, wearing the same stuff Discord had on, but carrying a guitar. In a puff of light as well, Fluffle Puff, Sonata, Twilight Sparkle, and, well, everypony came along, all wearing Mexican clothing as well. Living Tombstone and Wooden Toaster stood there, trying to comprehend what was happening, but, since they were in front of the most random things imaginable... well... f**k it. And since I couldn't find the song, I'll leave you all the song on what they were singing together. Everyone, minus the Taco Squad, disappeared. Tombstone and Wooden Toaster just stood there, blank faced, derp eyed, and trying to regain their braincells (though, they would be brain dead if they watch Honey-Boo Boo for 5 seconds instead of this massive, most likely racist party). "Taco squad!" Deadpool announced "Yes Sir!!!" They all spoke (though, we know Fluffle Puff does 'ptthpthpthppthpt'.) "DISMISS!!!" "TACO SQUAD!!!" They all jumped in the air and froze, looking like an awesome 80's freeze frame jump. They floated in the air for a few seconds. "...Discord?" Sonata asked "Just give it a moment!" Discord replied "It should only take a couple of seconds!" "...I can't feel my hooves." Pinkie commented. "Pththtptphptphptphhhpptphptp." Said you-know-who. "Fine!!!" Discord replied. His tail snapped, and they all disappeared. "So," Deadpool spoke to the two "How are you two doing." "...I need a place to rest." Tombstone replied. "Deadpool!!!" An angered Rarity yelled in the distance. She marched over to Deadpool, still wearing the ridiculous outfit Discord had everyone put on. "THIS... THIS IS A CRIME AGAINST FASHION!!!" "Rarity!?!?!?" The unicorn turned to Tombstone, giving a curious look. "Um... yes... that is me. Do I know you?" Tombstone stared at Rarity. His vision went all pink, all things around his vision went blurred, but Rarity herself. If he focused, he could've seen the hearts float around his eyes. Toaster waved his/her hoof in front of Tombstone to get his attention. "Well," Toaster spoke "he's lost." "Lost in what?" Rarity asked "I think he really likes you." Deadpool whispered. Rarity blushed a bit. "Oh Rarity. This is common, remember? But... I do say... he does look dashing." "Guh-!" Tombstone yelled, sounding more idiotic than ever. Rarity stared at him, then giggled. "You really are in love me, aren't you?" "Ugh!!!" "...perhaps if you spend time with me, then we can have conversations. Does that sound good?" He fell to the floor, stiff like a statue, not even moving. Rarity used her magic and lifted him up. "I'll take that as a 'Yes'." "Wait!" Deadpool yelled. He grabbed Glaze and stood next to the floating Tombstone. "Selfie!!!" "You know," Glaze spoke "I may look like a female, but I'm still a guy, right?" "A HOT Mare!!!" He/She blushed & smiled. Deapool took the picture. Rarity used her magic and carried Glae with Tombstone. "I doubt you are a male," Rarity spoke "And I think you'll look FABULOUS after my touch!" "No!" Glaze yelled "WAIT!!! HELP!!!" Deadpool teleported away, as Glaze screamed for help, for he/she will be fabulized!!! (Not by Pewdiepie, though) Author's Note http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/329/6/0/the_living_derpstone_by_gray_gold-d5m4mo1.png Living Tombstone: https://www.youtube.com/user/TheLivingTombstone Wooden Toaster/Glaze: https://www.youtube.com/user/WoodenToaster Who should Deadpool meet next? ...I'M SO FABULOUS!!! Pony #64 and 65: Pewdiepie and Marzia... and his pugs. ...I'M SO FABULOUS!!! Pony #64 and 65: Pewdiepie and Marzia... and his pugs. Deadpool sat on the branch of a nearby tree, watching Rarity drag Wooden Toaster by his/her tail and carrying a derped Living Tombstone along the way. She closed the door right behind him, and a green light illuminated from the house. "What the-!?!?!?" Rarity yelled. The door opened and Glaze flew right out "FREEDOM!!!" The pegasus yelled "What the f**k just happened!?!?!?" a familiar male voice spoke "Look!" a familiar female voice spoke "A pony!" "... You know you're both ponies, right?" an irritated Rarity responded "No I'- Holy j***a s**t! I am!!!" "What did I say?" "I'm now cute!!!" the female spoke. A dog's barking was heard. "EDGAR!!!" The male voice yelled "DEUTSCHLAND!!!" Deadpool Teleported inside the Carousel Boutique, hanging onto one of the corners of the roof. In front of Rarity was a golden yellow stallion earth pony with a blonde mane & tail, having a fist for a cutie mark; a light brown pegasus mare with a mane looking similar to Rarity's (when it's wet), that had different shades of brown, & a simple flower for her cutie mark; Right next to them were two pugs: a really chubby pug that had the color of 'Otis' from the movie 'Milo and Otis' and a black one. "...Really? Pewdiepie?" What!?!?!? The people requested that you meet him! "He ain't a f**king Brony!!!" True, but he has played MLP related games and Mods before, remember? "Most were unknown to him!" What about the 'Luna Game' games? "... f**k. Continue." Thank you! "Who are you?" Rarity asked "The name's Pewdiepie!!!" The duck responded. "WE GOT ONE!!!" Deadpool yelled above "WE GOT ONE!!!" Everyone looked up at him, only for Deadpool to lose his grip and fall down to the floor, face-first!. The Black pug began to bark again. "EDGAR!!! DEUTSCHLAND!!!" Deadpool lifted himself up, seeing the most famous 'Let's play' person on youtube with, at least, 35 million subscribers! "Who is he?" The pegasus with Pewds asked "...I think... It's Deadpool!!! Ha Ha Ha!!! Deadpool is here, Marzia!" "Deadpool?" Deadpool teleported, carrying Marzia in his arms "That's right!" Deadpool announced "Deadpool: The Merc with the Mouth and most beloved Canadian of all time! I'm just as popular as your boyfriend, the most beloved Switzerlandian of all time!" "You both know each other?" Rarity and Marzia asked in unison, stopping and staring at each other. "...No." The two males replied together, also in unison. "...I'll decide whether or not it's true or not," Rarity spoke in a bit of an annoyed tone. "Deadpool: why don't you take this lovely couple away for a second? I've got to get back to work!" Rarity laid the Living tombstone on a chair, looking at his, though simple, mane and wondering how she could change it. Pewds looked over her shoulder. "Whatcha doing girl?" Pewds asked as if he were a pervert. "I'm just finding a way to make him FABULOUS!!!" "F-f-fab-u-lous?" Rarity turned and saw Pewds twitch crazily "Is... there something wrong? I apologize if I-" "I WANT TO BE FABILOUS AS WELL!!!" "Oh no." Marzia commented, face hoofing herself. "You want to... fabulized!?!?!?" Rarity asked "No!" Deadpool spoke, standing next to Pewd. "WE want to be Fabulized!!!" "... Consider it Done!!! Please, take a seat!" The two men sat in their own chair, next to each other! Though Pewds was now a pony, he seemed to be well adjusted to moving around and sitting as he normally did as a human. Rarity began her work on the three men, doing all she can to make the three men more presentable and, you guessed it, F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S!!! 3 hours later: Rarity finished fabulizing the three men, setting their seats up and allowing them to see their new, much more fabulous looks. Living Tombstone, still derped up, now had his mane longer, but combed back to look very gentleman like, while wearing a tuxedo. Deadpool, despite wearing a mask, had the Kawaii eyes, pink blushes on his cheeks, pure blonde Cadence like hair style in a pink tutu with matching High Heels, and Pewds... he had Rarty's eyes now, but he had on one of those pink, fluffy scarfs (I have no idea what they're called), ear rings, a tiara, and black high heels. Rarity giggled at the look on their faces. "Oh my," She spoke "I think those pranks Rainbow Dash and Pinkie have taught me well! I can't wait to see al the town residents point at you and-" "I'M SO FABULOUS!!!" Pewds and Deadpool yelled together. Rarity stopped and gave a curious look. "You're... not angry?" "No!" "I'm so fabulous!!!" Pewds continued "You're so fabulous," Deadpool spoke "but I'm so fancy!" "Fancy!?!?!?" Rarity asked in shock. Deadpool teleported with everyone, and they found themselves inside the class of the local school. Maya (or Jabba the Hut) and Edgar were in purses, as Maya was carried around by Deadpool while Edgar with Pewds. The ponies around them just stared at the strangely dressed men. The beginning beat of a particular Iggy song began to play. "Oh God!" Pediepie yelled "Not this song!" "Why are we doing this?" Rarity asked, giving a questionable look "And why here!?!?!?" "Because... ♫First things first, I'm the realest!♫" Deadpool began to sing. "♫Drop this and let the whole world feel it! And I'm still in the Murda Business, I can hold you down, like I'm givin' lessons in physics. You should want a bad b***h like this! Drop it low and pick it up just like this! Cup of Ace, cup of Goose, cup of Cris High heels, somethin' worth a half a ticket on my wrist! Takin' all the liquor straight, never chase that! Rooftop like we bringin' '88 back! Bring the hooks in, where the bass at? Champagne spillin', you should taste that!♫" "♫I'm so fancy,♫" Everyone their group sang, not even sure why they're singing along AT ALL! "♫You already know! I'm in the fast lane... From L.A. to Tokyo. I'm so fancy, Can't you taste this gold? Remember my name, 'bout to blow!♫" "♫I said baby, I do this, I thought that, you knew this! Can't stand no haters and honest, the truth is And my flow r******d, they speak it, depart it. Swagger on super, I can't shop at no department. Better get my money on time, if they not money, decline, and swear I meant that there so much that they give that line a rewind. So get my money on time, if they not money, decline I just can't worry 'bout no haters, gotta stay on my grind! Now tell me, who that, who that? That do that, do that? Put that paper over all, I thought you knew that, knew that I be that D-P-O-O-L, put my name in bold I been working, I'm up in here with some change to throw!♫" "♫I'm so fancy, You already know! I'm in the fast lane... From L.A. to Tokyo. I'm so fancy, Can't you taste this gold? Remember my name, 'bout to blow! Trash the hotel! Let's get drunk on the mini bar. Make the phone call, Feels so good getting what I want, yeah! Keep on turning it up. Chandelier swinging, we don't give a f**k! Film star, yeah I'm deluxe, Classic, expensive, you don't get to touch, ow!♫" "♫Still stunting, how you love that? Got the whole world asking how I does that? Hot girl, hands off, don't touch that! Look at that I bet you wishing you could clutch that! Just the way you like it, huh? You're so good, he's just wishing he could bite it, huh? Never turn down money, Slaying these h**s, gold trigger on the gun like-♫" "♫I'm so fancy, You already know! I'm in the fast lane... From L.A. to Tokyo. I'm so fancy, Can't you taste this gold? Remember my name, 'bout to blow!♫" "♫Who that, who that, D-P-O-O-L! That do that, do that, D-P-O-O-L! Who that, who that, D-P-O-O-L! Who that, who that, D-P-O-O-L! That do that, do that, D-P-O-O-L! Who that, who that, D-P-O-O-L!♫" Their song ended. Don't... ever... do that again. It wasn't even as sexy as the music video!!! "That was... interesting." Rarity commented, her pupils really wide. "Well... that was... fun." Pewds commented "Any way this is recorded?" "Of course!" Deadpool replied "The author wrote all of this, so either the Real you does it or, more than likely, some guy animates this!!!" "...What!?!?!?" "This is so weird." Marzia commented. "Seflie!!!" Deadpool spoke, lifting the two up to his face with their pugs. "Oh yeah!" Pewds yelled "Fabulized!!!" The picture was taken, but... with weirdness: Deadpool's face now had Edgar's, Edgar had a random unicorn's face, Pewds was now a muscular man with only his pony head to the body, Marzia was now a kitty cat, and Maya... well... she's still Jabba the Hut. "...What the f**k!?!?!?" "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! THE DUCK STRIKES AGAIN!!!" Somewhere: Sibsy's ear twitched and she turned to the school. "What's wrong?" Mando asked, holding a small duckling in his right hoof. "A DUCK IS IN THERE!!!" Sibsy yelled. She opened her wings and flew to the school at speeds that would impress Rainbow Dash. A hole was made in the school wall. Everyone turned to see Sibsy having her crazed look. "Where's the duck?" She asked. Deadpool, Marzia, and the pugs all pointed at Pewds. "DUCKY!!!" She flew into Pewds,causing another hole in the wall, and began to fly away with him. "HELP!!!" Pewdiepie Yelled "Pewdie!!!" Marzia yelled. She began to run towards him, though on her hind legs, making her look like she was waddling after him than, well running after him. The pugs followed, both barking as loud as they can. Author's Note Pewdiepie, if you find this, I just want you to know... that you.. are so KAWAII!!! Please, watch the show: Rarity will DEFINITELY be your favorite and, if you're like Weird Al, you too could be in the show as a new character!!! (A pony just named "Let's Play", maybe?). Pewd's channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/PewDiePie Pewdiepie Pony: https://derpicdn.net/img/2013/4/5/289213/full.png Marzia Pony: http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/092/7/2/__redesign___cutiepie_marzia___by_xanikrawlerlazarx-d605p7m.png The waddle-chase came from the end of this: More straightforward than the Terminator movies. Pony #66: LittlepipDeadpool teleported out of the school, landing right near the edge of the Everfree forest. Why are we here? To get away from that mess made in the school. "Oh yes!" Deadpool spoke "And when they look for us, they'll believe that we were here all along! Now, you the audience, would you kindly not watch while I take a p**s? I haven't emptied it since the beginning of this fanfic!" Are we gonna take a s**t as well!?!?!? Please author... don't mention the details. Don't worry! I'm not going to tell the audience in detail. Basically, unless you're a robot reading this, then you know what happens when you have to use the restroom. While Deadpool was doing his business, another green portal opened just a few feet away and a pony fell out of it. As soon as the pony fell out, the portal closed right behind it, leaving it to the outside world. "Hello!?!?!?!?" The pony yelled "Is anypony here!?!?!?" "YO!!!" Deadpool yelled back, finishing his business with some leaves. "Are you a raider!?!?!?" "Hell no! I don't celebrate 'American Football'!!! I celebrate good ol' Canadian Football!!!" "...Come out!" "Alright, alright... just let me while here." After a few seconds of waiting, Deadpool walked right out and saw the pony: it was a light grey unicorn mare with a brown, Derpy looking mane & tail, with deceive around her right foreleg wearing what looks like a jumpsuit from the Fallout games, minus the pants, showing that her cutie mark was the device she wore. Hold on! Do we know her from somewhere? That's... Little Pip from Fallout: Equestria!!! Deadpool took a single step forward and Little Pip pulled out her iconic 'Little Macintosh', aiming at Deadpool's head. "Don't you take another step!" Little Pip growled "Make another step and I will blow your f**king brains out!!!" "Alright!" Deadpool replied, waving his hands in an innocent way. "Need anything?" "...Where the hell am I?" "Pardon?" "That Green portal! It sucked me away from my allies and I'm now here! Where is here!?!?!?" "Have... you tried your Pipbuck?" "I did! It says I'm in Ponyville: This ain't Ponyville!!!" "How do you know?" She looked to the town, seeing all the stuff. "I've been to Ponyville before! This is far too nice looking and... clean... and safe looking... than the ponyville... I... oh s**t. Is it just me, or is it hot around here!?!?!?" "...seems fine to me." "Well... I can tell that this is NOT ponyville! From where I'm from, this town was destroyed! Only bandits and scavengers live there, all struggling for survival and-and..." "Are... you feeling alright?" "...No!!! This isn't right!!! This is far too peaceful for Ponyville! The oxygen is fresh, there's color everywhere, and it's peaceful! How is this-" "What year were you from?" "...Pardon?" "What year are you from?" "... the year 3056. Why?" "That explains why!" "WHAT!?!?!? Say it or I'll-" "This is the year 2015!!!" "...What?" "Yep! 2015!" Little Pip stared at Deadpool. She looked at her pip buck and looked through her stuff, just to see if she's on something, is suffering from radiation poisoning, lack of sleep, or something. Sure enough, the date on her pip buck read 2015 on it. "I... time traveled?... I time traveled. I TIME TRAVELED!!!" She started to hop around happily, repeating yelling 'yes' in a circle, almost like Twilight Sparkle. She ran into Deadpool and jumped into his arms! "Whoa there! Easy!" "Don't you know what this means!?!?!? I can tell everypony what will happen and what they must NOT do! I can prevent the Fallout! I can save all of these lives!!! I can really be a hero!!! Thank you Mr...-" "It's Deadpool." "Deadpool? I take it you've killed multiple ponies?" "Only an evil Centaur that destroyed the golden oak library!" "Huh... so the bombs... didn't destroy the library? Anyways: Is Celestia still alive!?!?!?" "Yep!" "QUICK!!! I need to get to her! I believe trains work here, right?" "Yep!" "Alright: we can take a train, head there, and fight off the bandits that- Oh... wait... there aren't bandits here, right?" "As far as I've been here, nope!" "Ugh... come on Littlepip: we're in a safer time! I doubt there's anything we should fear, right?" "Hm... taxes!" "Right... well, we can get to Celestia and-" Deadpool jumped into the air and they both landed right in front of the throne room. Littlepip's mouth remained open, in total awe, seeing the beautifully made land in it's glory. Celestia sat in her throne room, using her magic to write some letter down and enjoying some cake. She turned and saw the two. "Aw. Deadpool." She simply spoke "I hope you haven't been causing trouble around here." "Nothing to worry about, Sunbutt!" Deadpool replied "Sunbutt!?!?!? I'll... got to that later. Who's that?" "A pony from the future!!!" "...a pony... from... the future?" "Yep! Go on Little Pip, tell 'er about the future!" Deadpool gently dropped Little Pip. She stood there, shaking at seeing the Princess in flesh! "Go on. Are you really from the future? Tell me: what is it like? Do all the nations unite as one? It technology so advanced we've achieved the impossible!?!?!? Do I have kids?" Little Pip shook her head. "Um... no, your majesty." Little pip replied "Look, a lot of bad stuff happens in the future!" "Oh my! Like what?" "Well... I will just say one thing: Nuclear war!" "... come. I must hear this." "Yes Celestia. After hearing what I have to say, you'll thank when I'm born!" "Almost forgot!" Deadpool yelled, picking up Little Pip "Selfie!!!" "Selfie?" "I want to see if it's like 'Back to the Future'." "...How does that work?" "If it works, then you disappear!!!" "Um... alright?" "MENTATS!!!" "WHERE!?!?!?" Their picture was taken with Deadpool smiling and Little Pip looking to her left, looking for the mentats. The grand doors opened, and Luna with Sweetie Belle walked in. "And that," Luna spoke "is how I'd survive the apocalypse." "Wow Luna," Sweetie replied "All of that planned out! But... what about Celestia?" "Her? Hm... perhaps I'll upload her personality into something so she can live virtually. Oh! Hello... Deadpool." "Mooncheeks." Deadpool relied. Luna growled a bit. He looked down at Sweetie Belle "How's one of my students doing in their training?" "It's going great!" Sweetie replied "I've only caused 12 breaks to happen, all vases!!! Who's your friend?" Little Pip stared at Sweetie Belle, her left eye twitching rapidly and she stood perfectly still. "Hi! I'm Sweetie Belle!" "G-g-great G-g-grandma?" Little Pip stammered out before falling to the floor on her left side, unconscious. "...who is that pony?" Luna asked "She's from the future!" Deadpool simply replied. "THE FUTURE!?!?!?" Sweetie yelled. She ran to the unconscious Little Pip and started to climb her. She stood on "I can't to hear what the future holds!!! When she wakes up, I'm going to ask her how I got my cutie mark!!!" A golden aura surrounded Little Pip and she began to float away. Sweeite jumped off "HEY!!!" "Don't worry, Sweetie Belle" Celestia replied "I will need to talk to her first before she can spend time with you." "...Alright. I can't wait to spend time with her!!! She seems so funny!!!" Until she realizes that Little Pip is one of her descendants. STOP RUINING MOMENTS!!! Author's Note Yeah, Terminator Genysis... you really can't spell "Genesis"!?!?!? If the movie sucks, then at least you gave us a memorable song: I've never read the Fallout Equestria stories, so I didn't add a bunch of stuff, only the things I know for CERTAIN!!! And yes, 'Time Paradox', but seriously, this ain't lie the "Butterfly Effect" where one simple change will affect EVERYTHING!!! Imagine that: I fart in the revolutionary war, next thing, Fallout in today's time! Who should Deadpool meet next? The Wonderbolts!!! Pony # 67 & 68: Spitfire and Soarin.Twilight stood next to Nyx inside Ponyville's castle. Right in front of them was a regular apple. "Aright Nyx," Twilight spoke "I'm sure you can do this." "But Twilight," Nyx replied "what if I'm not strong enough!" "You have to be strong! Don't worry: it's an apple, nothing bad is going to happen." "Ar-Are you sure?" "Positive!" "Alright... if you say so." Nyx's horn began to glow. She aimed it at the apple. Deadpool teleported right in front of the apple. "WAZZUP!!!" Deadpool yelled like the guys from that Budweiser commercial. Nyx screamed, releasing a beam at Deadpool! He fell to the floor, twitching uncontrollably. "DEADPOOL!!!!" Twilight yelled. Deadpool opened his eyes, feeling something wrong with his back. "Twilight," Deadpool simply spoke "is there something wrong with my back?" Twilight flipped Deadpool to his front with an angered grunt, but gasped at what she saw. "Oh my! Deadpool... you have wings!" "WINGS!?!?!? I'M A PRINCESS!!!" "NO!!! You have Butterfly wings!!!" "...Close enough!!!" The butterfly wings on Deadpool's back started to flutter, carrying the Merc. Deadpool laughed like an idiot, seeing himself flying. "Should we hold him in?" Nyx asked "We should." Twilight agreed "Deadpool, please-" Deadpool was gone, and they both looked outside, seeing the Merc flying around in a single green dress, laughing maniacally "LOOK AT ME EQUESTRIA!!!" Deadpool yelled "I. AM. DEADPOOL!!!" All the ponies below stared at the Merc, gasping at what's happening. Deadpool fluttered around the town, shaking his butt and... gold glitter fell down? Deadpool... what the f**k are you- "Relax! You'll see what happens." "What in Tarnation!?!?!?" Applejack below yelled, next to Pinkie "Pinkie, did ya'll gave Deadpool golden glitter?" "Nope!" Pinkie replied "...Are ya'll sure? I mean that he's- WHOAH!!!" Applejack began to float into the air, turning uncontrollably. Pinkie followed, though she had more control over it and released her 'Whee!'. Soon, every earth pony and unicorn began to float, all not even knowing how to control it. So... you just got Pixie Dust straight from Peter Pan? "Of course I did!" Said you know who "How else did I get this Tinker Bell Dress!?!?!? HUH!?!?!? From a $5 S**t!?!?!?" Uh... I'm not even going to answer that. Please, just... find somepony to hangout with, okay? "CAN DO!!!" Deadpool began to fly to the city of Cloudsdale: home of the most famous pegasi in Equestrian history! Many of the pegasi there stood and stared at Deadpool in his questionable Tinker Bell outfit & butterfly wings, but most just remember one thing: It's like Pinkie Pie, only more dangerous! Two familiar pegasi in the show sat in a booth: one was a pale cornflower blue male with Dark grayish phthalo blue mane & tail and his cutie mark was a lightning bolt with wings. The other was a brilliant gold female with Light brilliant orange mane & tail with light brilliant amber stripes and her cutie mark was some fire. The male was busy eating a pie messily while the other watched in disgust with only a simple hay sandwich in her hooves. "Soarin," the female spoke "when are you EVER going to use a fork?" "Whenever I eat spaghetti!" Soarin replied with some pie still in his mouth. "I meant with your pies." Soarin swallowed his pie and looked back at the female "Spitfire: these are pies! They're mean to to be eaten by me in such a delicious way! Plus, today's annual pie day!!! Another pie, please!!!" Deadpool teleported next to them, still flapping his gay, butterfly wings to not fall. "I'm going to pretend you didn't call my wings 'gay', MrAquino." Deadpool replied "DEADPOOL!?!?!?" The two shouted "That's right! Deadpool is here!!! Not even the sky can hold me down!!! If only Thor were here, man would he be p***ed!!!" "... are those... butterfly wings?" Soarin asked "They are indeed!" "How did you-" Soarin was abut to ask "Accident." "Oh!" they both spoke. The waiter pegasus came out and gave Soarin another pie. "... can you get me another pie?" Soarin asked "I think this should go for Deadpool." "Of course." the waiter replied. Soarin nuzzled the pie to Deadpool. "For me?" Deadpool asked, blushing, giggling with his right hand over his mouth, & having eyes that are so kawaii! "For you!" Soarin replied, though a bit freaked out. Deadpool pulled out a super tiny knife with a super tiny fork & slowly cut his way through the pie. For 12 seconds, he continued to cut through the pie, but never busted through the crust. "...F**K THIS!!!" Deadpool punted the pie into the air and pulled out one of his swords! the pie fell, and he sliced the pie into a bunch of pieces, making both Spitfire and Soarin jump! The pie landed, still in one piece, but then fell into multiple pieces. "Impressive!" Spitfire commented "Take it those were the same skills you used to defeat Tirek?" "You could say that." "I just wanna know one thing: is it alright if we learn some of those fighting moves?" MORE STUDENTS!!! Only not as cute. "...I don't know," Deadpool replied "maybe it will-" "We'll pay you!" "...Done! I'll meet you at your headquarters." One pie and a few extra minutes later. Spitfire and Soarin stood, patiently waiting for Deadpool to appear. Luckily, Deadpool came in, still having the stupid butterfly wings, but was now in a karate suit & had on an old kung fu master beard. "...Really?" Spitfire asked "I am your master here!" Deadpool replied "And we will do things my way!" "What are we going to do?" Soarin asked, stretching his wings out. "You want to know how I fight, right?" "We do!" they both replied "Well, Welcome to the Deadpool Dojo: I trust that you are here to redeem yourself and to require the skills that are necessary to your goals. Are you ready, young ones? I shall give you my best. But first, let's see if you can challenge my rap." "Redeem ourselves?" Spitfire asked "Yong ones and Rap?" Soarin asked, turning to Deadpool "What do you mean by this?" Chinese sounding pop music began to play, followed by Deadpool releasing a martial artist scream! "♫Kick! Punch! It's all in the mind,♫" Deadpool rapped to the beat. "♫If you wanna test me, I'm sure you'll find. The things I'll teach ya is sure to beat ya. But nevertheless you'll get a lesson from the teacher.♫ Now Kick!!! "Kick!!!" The two responded, following all of Deadpool's moves. "Punch!" "Punch!" "Chop!" "Chop!" "Block!" "Block!" "Once more now Kick!" "Kick!" "Punch!" "Punch!" "Chop!" "Chop!" "And Block!" "Block!" "♫Don't get cocky, it's gonna get rocky, We gonna move down to the next ya jockey!♫ Now Duck!" "Duck!" "Jump!" "Jump!" "Turn!" "Turn!" "Pose!" "Pose!" "Listen Carefully: Jump!" "Jump!" "Pose!" "Pose!" "Duck!" "Duck!" "And Turn!" "Turn!" "♫Hm, yeah I see you're gettin better. Kick to the limit in order to get her!♫ Now Kick, Punch!" "Kick, punch!" "Chop, block!" "Chop, block!" "Chop, kick!" "Chop, kick!" "Punch, block!" "Punch, block!" "It's gonna get harder now! Duck and Jump!" "Duck, Jump!" "Turn and pose!" "Turn, Pose!" "Duck and turn!" "Duck, Turn!" "Jump and pose!" "Jump, pose!" "♫Come on now, why don'tcha follow my words? Because we're almost done, I'll make it easy at first. I wanna see if you wanna see what it means to be the man with the master plan, are you the man now?♫ Here we go, now! Kick, punch, block!!!" "Kick, punch, block!" "Chop, kick, block!" "Chop, kick, block!" "Block, turn, and kick it!!!" "Block, turn, kick!!!" "Block, duck, punch!" "Block, duck, punch!" "Duck, duck, turn!" "Duck, duck, turn!" "Jump, kick, chop!" "Jump, kick, chop!" "And Punch, punch, punch!!!" "Punch, punch, punch!!!" Deadpool released another kung fu scream, releasing both Spitfire and Soarin from his musical and 90's video game classic that was only remembered thanks to the boring Super Smash knock off. "That's it for today! Good job, my little ponies, you can go on to the next stage now!" "Next stage!?!?!?" They both asked. "More like, A selfie!" "A selfie!?!?!?" "A picture, okay?" "...Oh!" The two flew to Deadpool and he took their picture with the two of them! "Alright! Now, I must go!" Deadpool began to fly away. Just at the edge of the base, he fell down into unconsciousness. "DEADPOOL!!!" Soarin yelled "Don't worry about him." Spitfire spoke "if there's one thing I've heard, it's that he can't die!" "...you believe those words?" "No doubt about it!" At Twilight's house: "What do you think will happen to Deadpool?" Nyx asked "I don't know," Twilight responded "if he's lucky, he will just fall down and splat into the floor." "What's the worst?" "He falls into poison joke or, with his wings, he becomes a Breezie." "How do you know that?" "Books." "...Oh... should we look for him?" "He'll come back, sooner or later. Author's Note Yes, I know: annual pie day is March 14. And if any of you don't know (can't blame you, though), the rap is from an old Videogame called "Parappa the Rapper": Who should Deadpool meet next!?!?!? Hello everybody, my name is *Jeff!* Pony # 69: Markiplier. Hello everybody, my name is *Jeff!* Pony # 69: Markiplier. Deadpool fell from the sky, passing the clouds and falling straight to the ground. Luckily, he wasn't anywhere near the forest, where he could land in poison joke and have something horrible happen to him as a joke (turn into an 'IT'... like Justin Beiber, maybe?). Anyways, Deadpool free fell not into the woods, but a plain open field that another pony was at. This pony was a light tan stallion with a short, curved up mane & tail, completed with a black T-shirt, a pink gentleman mustache, and a cutie Mark that was the letter 'M', all in capital, red, and made to look like it's 8-Bit. The stallion curved his pink mustache, but was curious on what's going on, where is he, and why is he in this particular area. *SPLAT!!!* The body of Deadpool fell right in front of the Stallion's hooves, just a few inches away. "HOLY BALLS!!!" The stallion yelled. Deadpool right arm & hand flailed in the air a bit, before grabbing onto his own head and lifting it off the floor. Deadpool looked into the stallion, who carefully stepped back from him. Hold on! That mustache looks familiar! Of course it does. His name is- JEFF!!! ...We're still using that vine joke? Why wasn't it famous BEFORE the movie came out!?!?!? HUH!?!?!? Explain that, Viners!!! My name is Jeff!!! YOU STUPID MOTHER F***ER!!! THAT'S- "MARKIPLIER!!!" Deadpool yelled, standing up all healed. "...Wait a minute," Mark spoke "you just fell from the sky and splatted all over the floor." "Yeah!" "And... you're now standing?" "Yeah!" "...All healed?" "Cut to the case." "Are you... Deadpool!?!?!?" "The one and only!!!" "Hold on! Aren't you owned by Marvel, and isn't Marvel owned by Disney?" "Yes and yes!" "But... we are in the land of Equestria." "And how do you know that?" "Well, for starters, I have been turned into a Pony! I'm just wondering how I know how to walk on all 4 legs right now, especially when I have my fly pink mustache on! Second, I have seen ponies everywhere, from the super shy Fluttershy to the cross eyed Derpy. And to clear this all up between us, I am NOT a Brony! I don't hate Bronies, I'm just not interested in the show." "All understandable." "And how did I end up here!!! Last thing I remember doing was playing 5 Nights at Freddy's 3, just moments away from a jumpscare!" "Oh don't worry, a lot of other people are experiencing what you're through!" "Wait! Really!?!?!?" "Yeah!" "Like who?" "HELP!!!" a familiar swedish duck yelled from above "I'm being kidnapped!!!... Or ducknaped!!!" The two looked up, seeing Pewdiepie being carried by his tail, which was held in Sibsy's mouth. "Wait a minute... PEWDIEPIE!?!?!?" "MARKIPLIER!?!?!? HELP ME!!!" "I'm coming!!!" Pewds girlfriend yelled, still running on her hind hooves, followed by two yapping pugs. "Sibsy!!!" Mandopony yelled, following Pewd's lover. "Drop him!!! That is not a duck!!! That is a famous 'Let's Play' guy on Youtube!!!" "YES!!!" Pewds yelled "Listen to the not-so-handsome-or-fabulous-pony-compared-to-me stallion!!!" "Hold on," Deadpool spoke "I got this." Deadpool looked down and, as you can guess, a duck waddled between the two. Deadpool quickly snatched the duck and squeezed it, causing it to release a *QUACK!!!*. Sibsy's ears perked up and she turned to Deadpool, seeing only the duck. "DUCKY!!!" Sibsy yelled. She dropped Pewdiepie, causing him to fall, but luckily, his girlfriend caught him, even if it was rough. Deadpool threw the duck into the air and Sibsy caught it, landing just a few inches away from them, petting her duck. "Is she like that?" Mark asked "Probably not back home," Deadpool replied "but here... yeah... she's bat-s**t for ducks." "Come on Ducky." Sibsy spoke, petting the duck "let me hear you quack!" The duck stared at Sibsy and did this that surprised her: "...This world is so weird!!!" Markiplier yelled "It is!" Pewds agreed, walking with Marzia and holding Edgar in his front left leg. "But I like it!!!" "WHAT!?!?!?" "These ponies know how to fabulize me, and you know how much I enjoy being FA-BU-LOUS!!!" "And I enjoy if for now being a cute pegasus!" Marzia replied, smiling a, well, cute smile "And look! I can fly!!!" She flapped her wings and floated off the ground a bit, but quickly landed "Well, kinda. I need to practice." "So... none of you want to go home!?!?!?" Mark asked "Oh, we do! We just don't know... how, per say." "I already know: Hey! Celestia! Send me home mother f***er!" "You know this land!?!?!?" Pewds asked "NO!!! I know this land as much as you, Pewds!" "Oh... but, it can't hurt to know this land better, should it?" "I have no idea. Deadpool? Found a way for us to get info!" "TO TWILIGHT'S CASTLE!!!" Deadpool yelled They were all in front of Twilight's castle just like that. "...I'm not even going to question why." Markiplier spoke "Ah yes," Deadpool spoke, pulling out his phone "care... for a selfie?" "A selfie!?!?!? Why!?!?!?" "2 Reasons: 1) to Cherish this memory and 2) When it's sent to Facebook, my old buddies will wonder where I'm at, and where you're all at! So, if I'm guessing right, this will take... a couple of weeks for them to build a portal and get us outta here! How's that sound?" "...Fine!" "Just look on the bright side: No Five Nights at Freddy's animatronics around!" Probably until the next chapter. SHUT THE F**K UP!!! Deadpool took his Selfie with a mustache stroking Markiplier. The door to Twilight's castle opened, as a mare stood there wearing a hazmat suit & carrying a bunch of tools. "Oh!" The mare spoke through her helmet "Deadpool! Are you... hit with poison joke?" "Nope!" Deadpool replied "Huh... I see you still have those butterfly wings." "Yep!" "And... new ponies I presume?" "Definitely." "Are... that like the couple who claim to be from a different world?" "Exactly." "...Alright. Come on in you guys, I'll get this suit off." Mark, Pewds & his girlfriend, carrying their pugs, walked inside "Say, are those pugs?" Author's Note To make up for the lack of humor, here's 5 Nights at Freddy's 2 in a Nutshell: Markiplier here: https://www.youtube.com/user/markiplierGAME SHUT UP!!! Pony # 70 & 71: Ian & Anthony (From Smosh).Author's Note Ian and Crazier Deadpool Anthony and Logical Deadpool. All!!! Smosh's channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/smosh SHUT UP!!! Pony # 70 & 71: Ian & Anthony (From Smosh). Another green portal appeared right behind Deadpool, and two ponies came out, one on top of another. Both were stallions, have brown manes & tails, and had a super light brown coat, but there were some differences between the two. For starters, the first one was lighter, a unicorn, had a bit of fuzz that would eventually grow into a beard, & his cutie mark was a donut and was on top. The other was a pegasus, a bit darker, didn't have a fuzz, and his cutie mark was a unicorn horn (the candy, not the anatomy of a unicorn!) while on the bottom. The way their manes looked very similar to a particular duo from the internet, one that began with low quality videos when youtube just began. "Whoa! Where and what the hell just happened, Anthony?" The unicorn asked "I have no f***in' clue!" Anthony replied "But... are we... in 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'?" "Do you... feel a bit strange?" They both looked at each other, muzzles nearly touching each other. They stared at each other for a minute, then screamed, both getting up in a state of panic! "Ian!!! Dude, you're a unicorn!!!" "A what!?!?!?" Ian touched his head and felt his horn. He pointed back at Anthony "Oh yeah! You're a pegasus!!!" Anthony looked at his wings, having them raise as he flinched at his own sight. "... How are we going to get back home!?!?!?" "I have no clue!!! You really think I have a plan!?!?!?" "You do make plans for the videos, so yes, HAVE A F***ING PLAN!!!" "SHUT UP!!!" "HOLY F***ING S**T!!!" Deadpool's voice yelled "IT'S SMOSH!!!" "...Who's there?" Anthony asked, shivering and hugging Ian. Ian pushed his friend away, giving a look that looked similar to Kevin Hart's 'Stop that! That's Gay!!!' Deadpool appeared in a puff of smoke, wearing a cowboy hat and on Ian's back! "GET HIM OFF!!!" Ian yelled, bucking wildly. Deadpool held onto Ian's mane with his left hand and held his hat with the right, acting like a cowboy at a rodeo! "YEE HAW!!! GET IT ON LITTLE DOGGY!!!" "I got him!!!" Anthony yelled. He turned around, aimed a bit, and, bucked Deadpool in the face! Deadpool fell to the floor, holding his hat over his chest as if he were dead. "You... got me... pardner!" "Hold on. Are... you Deadpool!?!?!?" "Of course!" He jumped into the air and landed on his feet. "Deadpool is the name and Speed's my game!" Wrong Franchise. OOH!!! We're getting requests for Sonic to join!!! "Deadpool... is real?" Ian asked, turning his head curiously "Of course I'm real! I'm as real the author's love life!" "...I... don't get it." "He's still a virgin!" "How... are you not a pony, Deadpool?" Anthony asked "And long have you been here?" "That? Well in this story, it's at least a couple of days, but for the author's time... Since November 3, 2014." "THAT LONG!?!?!?" They both asked "Eeyup!" "But... what have you been doing?" Ian asked "Many things: getting acquainted with other ponies, killing a bunch of changelings, decapitating a f***ing centaus with my own swords, and performing many famous songs for the sake of lols." "...Songs?" "Eeyup! I doubt Twilight or any of the princesses know a spell that can take you home, though. Might as well enjoy it here, though." "Great!!!" Anthony yelled "We're stuck here in candy land!!!" "It's actually 'Equestria'." "SHUT UP!!!" "Hey!" Ian replied "At least you're a pegasus! You can fly! I'm a unicorn with this stupid horn sticking out like a sore thumb! ... or... Hoof? A p***s? Do ponies have p***ses?" "... Um... I never... think... about... that." Deadpool replied. "Wait a minute!" Anthony spoke, looking down at himself "WE'RE NAKED!?!?!?" Everyone stood still, awkwardly wondering about their situation. Deadpool pulled out his phone. "...EWWW!!!" The two yelled "QUICKLY!!!" Ian yelled "Find some clothing!!!" Ian bended over and began to look for something to cover their new naked selves. Anthony, unfortunately, saw his behind. "DUDE!!!" Anothey yelled "What!?!?!?" "Don't show me your furry @$$!!! THAT'S GROSS!!!" "Well Excuse ME, ANTHONY!!! I'm trying to find us clothes!!!" "You can at least do it WITHOUT showing me your new butt and it's TIE!!!" "... you mean my tail?" "... SHUT UP!!!" "YOU SHUT UP!!!" The two began to argue with each other Well... it looks like good ol' Dr. Deadpool is needed. Let's see what they need! ... M-hmm... I see... AMPUTATION!!! WHAT THE F**K!?!?!? No! They need help settling their differences! Oh sure, Just like you on being a complete nerd! HEY!!! At least I'm not an idiot!!! SHUT UP!!! NO!!! You SHUT UP!!! Deadpool stood there, listening to the Smosh duo and his own voices argue with each other. "Can you believe this spell can make any pony's opposites come out from itself?" Twilight asked, followed by the various Youtubers and Bronies. "What is it with her obsession over books?" Markiplier asked. Immediately, he was slapped across the face by ILoveKimPossibleALot, who held a Discord balloon in her mouth. "Don't you ever talk bad about her books!" Kim yelled! "And don't you ever talk bad about Senpai!!!" "♫Senpai suck my @$$!♫" Pewdiepie sang. Deadpool appeared in front of them and stepped on Twilight's tail. Twilight shrieked, and a lone blast came out of her horn. It flew into the air and Deadpool appeared right in front of it and was hit. He fell down, and Two Deadpool appeared now. A boom box fell onto the decapitated, but still alive, head of Tirek, and music began to play. "Great." Tirek said "Another song." As he spoke about that, the two sides stared down at each other, and jammed out to the music. "What's happeing!?!?!?" Ian asked in fear "Are we... dancing?" Anthony asked, observing that they're both dancing to the beat. "Just let the beat flow." Deadool 1 spoke (Orange) "Might as well get this over with." Deadpool 2 spoke (Blue). ♫We're Orange & Ian on the rap so mic it Here's a little story and you're sure to like it Swift and sly and I'm playing it keen With my homeboys, Blue & Anthony!♫ ♫Baby seems we never ever agree! You like the movies, and I like T.V.♫ ♫I take things serious, and you take 'em light!♫ ♫I go to bed early-♫ ♫And I party all night!♫ ♫Our friends are sayin' ♫ ♫We ain't gonna last ♫ ♫Cuz I move slowly ♫ ♫And baby I'm fast ♫ ♫I like it quiet ♫ ♫And I love to shout ♫ ♫But when we get together It just all works out♫ I take--2 steps forward ♫I take--2 steps back ♫ ♫We come together Cuz opposites attract And you know--♫ ♫it ain't fiction♫ ♫Just a natural fact♫ ♫We come together, Cuz opposites attract ♫ ♫Who'd a thought we could be lovers ♫ ♫She makes the bed♫ ♫And he steals the covers♫ ♫She likes it neat ♫ ♫And he makes a mess . I take it easy♫ ♫Baby I get obsessed. She's got the money ♫ ♫And he's always broke. I don't like cigarettes ♫ ♫And I like to smoke♫ ♫Things in common♫ ♫Just ain't a one ♫ ♫But when we get together We have nothin' but fun♫ ♫I take--2 steps forward♫ ♫I take--2 steps back♫ ♫We come together Cuz opposites attract And you know-♫ ♫-it ain't fiction♫ ♫Just a natural fact ♫ ♫We come together, 'Cuz opposites attract ♫ ♫Nothing in common but this trust. I'm like a minus, she's like a plus: One going up, one coming down, But we seem to land on common ground. When things go wrong we make corrections To keep things moving in the right direction, Try to fight it but I'm telling you Jack Its true- this- Opposites Attract!!! ♫ ♫Baby ain't it somethin' .How we lasted this long ♫ ♫You and me, Provin' everyone wrong ♫ ♫Don't think we'll ever get our differences patched ♫ ♫Don't really matter, 'Cuz we're perfectly matched ♫ ♫I take--2 steps forward♫ ♫I take--2 steps back♫ ♫We come together Cuz opposites attract And you know-♫ ♫-it ain't fiction♫ ♫Just a natural fact ♫ We come together, 'Cuz opposites attract The four went into a pose, showing how they were both opposites, but equal. "That was... Gay." Anthony commented "Tell me about it." Bluepool added "It was fun!" Ian spoke "Come on, Blue," orangepool said with a shrug "That is kinda our theme." "... yeah... it is." Bluepool spoke, blushing a bit. "Hey man," Anthony spoke, walking to Ian "I wanna say that... I'm sorry for that." "It's no biggy," Ian replied "I'm sorry for what I did." "Friends?" He extend his hoof out. "Friends!" He extend his hoof and shook it! "FRIENDSHIP!!!" The Pools yelled together with fireworks and pegasi flying above!!! "I think we should do it for him!" Orangepool spoke "...Yeah, we should." Bluepool spoke "What?" Smosh asked in unison. "A SELFIE!!!" They both yelled, pulling out their cellphone!" "...Fine." The pools got to their partner and took their selfie! The duo went away, recognizing their other Youtube friends & acquaintances. "...Who do you think the audience will choose next?" Bluepool asked "I dunno!" Orangepool replied "But MrAquino has a special for the 50th chapter coming soon!!!" I'm great with kids!!! Pony 72 - 75: The Cakes(Mr. & Mrs. Cake, Pound Cake and Pumpkin cake)The day was getting late again, and the deadpool had to find a way to be turned back into one and find a place for the night! "Hey!" Orangepool yelled "Wanna make a Dragon Ball Z reference?" "What?" Bluepool replied "the 'it's over 9000' joke?" "No! How we're going to go back as one!" "... Fine. It may just work." Deadpool was back as his regular, crazy, red spandex wearing self! "That was so weird!" Deadpool spoke to himself I didn't that would actually work! And the narrator couldn't post the REAL clip? Instead, he posted a racist vine!?!?!? "Man! You're racist, MrAquino!" I'M NOT RACIST!!! Anyways, Deadpool was immediately tackled by some ponies who were rushing! "Oh my goodness!" A familiar woman voice spoke "Honey!?!?!?" "I See him dear!" Another, this one, male spoke. Deadpool regained his vision and, what he saw, were two ponies: a tall & slender light amber with orange freckled earth pony stallion with a light orange mane & tail, and a small & plump Very light cerulean earth pony mare with a Light crimson mane & light grayish crimson stripes that looked like icing to a cupcake. Deadpool could tell who they were. FINALLY!!! Ponies FROM the show and not any other Youtuber!!! I was hoping to meet Jontron. "I am so sorry there, Mr. Deadpool," Mrs. Cake spoke "My husband and I need to find a baby sitter for our foals!" "Come on sugar plum," Mr. Cake spoke "I can't believe we forgot about getting a baby sitter tonight!" "Hold on," Deadpool said "Isn't Pinkie available?" "We wish," Mrs. Cake replied "But she's in canterlot, helping a specific 'Tydal'." "...Oh!" "Come on honey!!!" Mr. Cake replied "Babbysitter! Stat!!!" "Hold on a minute... I CAN BE YOUR BABY SITTER!!!" The couple froze and stared at each other, then at Deadpool. They were both glad about Deadpool offering his assistance to them, but they heard his many... adventures, especially Tirek. But, from their little task, nopony was available at all! But... could Deadpool's randomness help him? He could be like Pinkie Pie on her first day, though he may have a distinct advantage with his... talents. Mr. Cake sighed in defeat. "Would you like to be the-" "ABSOLUTELY!!!" Deadpool threw his arms around the couple and teleported into Sugarcube corner! The couple wasn't sure how he did that, but, hey, it works. "Alright Deadpool," Mrs. Cake spoke with concern "are you sure you can-" "Oh please! I already saw the episode 'Baby Cakes', and I am prepared for anything!"This, according to his journey, is true. "See ya later!!!" The couple used their strength together to push another large cake away! Deadpool turned to the inside of the door, seeing the familiar babies: Poundcake, the light goldish grey pegasus colt with a brown mane & tail, and pumpkin cake, the light yellow unicorn filly with her father's mane color. Babies... I hate babies. GASP!!! HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT!?!?!? "Enough chat!" Deadpool spoke to himself, let's get ourselves aquatinted!" Deadpool did this: The babies stared at Deadpool, then laughed! Deadpool, underrate his mask, smiled and laughed with them, realizing how stupid it was! Deadpool pulled out his list *Feed Babies *burp 'em *change 'em *teach 'em *bop it! "Holy... Shnikey!!!" Deadpool yelled That's easier said than done, you know? That short!?!?!? "No! The author finally knows how to do those grey box things!!!" He stopped as he felt something rubbing his foot. Looking down, he saw the twins acting like cats, rubbing themselves against his leg for comfort. Deadpool's heart melted... No! Litterally!!! Deadpool!!! YOU'RE HEART IS MELTING!!!!" "What the- oh." He fell to the floor! If it weren't for his regenerative abilities, he'd be dead and this story would be short, but hey, we got a lot of canon ponies, bronies, O.C.s, and some youtubers we need to add! The twins climbed onto his chest, Pound cake pounding on his chest and pumpkin cake cheering! Deadpool used both of his hands to pet behind their ears, feeling them rub their heads into his hands with so much comfort! This... is... TOO CUTE!!! And that is why I hate babies. "Do... you guys want something to eat?" They both gurgled something, but not making anything out. they jumped off and looked at him, as Deadpool got up. He looked inside the fridge and pulled out some baby food. He placed the two in their seat and decided to spoon feed the two! With the spoon, he- Sorry, but due to the cuteness of this, we'll be skipping ahead to the stupid. Thank you for your time here in 'Deadpool in Equestria'! Deadpool took out a mic. "This," he spoke "is a lesson on animal noises." Music began to play, and I'm sure most of you know this. "♫Dog goes woof, cat goes meow, Bird goes tweet, and mouse goes squeak. Cow goes moo, Frog goes croak, and the elephant goes toot. Ducks say quack and fish go blub, and the seal goes OW OW OW! But there's one sound that no one knows... WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY!?!?!?♫" He appeared in a fox suit, with his taco squad, all in fox outfits as well! "♫Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!♫" Discord sang "♫Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!♫" "♫WHAT THE FOX SAY?♫" "♫Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!♫" Sonata sang "♫Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow! Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!♫" "♫WHAT THE FOX SAY?♫" "♫Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!♫" Pinkie sang "♫Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho! Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!♫" "♫WHAT THE FOX SAY?♫" "♫Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!♫" A lone changeling sang, popping out of Fluffle Puff's fur. "♫ Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff! Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff! "♫WHAT THE FOX SAY?♫" At that moment, Mr and Mrs. Cake entered, surprised to see Deadpool & some of his close friends doing this! A familiar anthropomorphic fox with two tails entered, wearing white gloves, with a morse machine in his hands. "♫Big blue eyes, pointy nose, chasing mice, and digging holes. Tiny paws, up the hill, suddenly you're standing still. Your fur is red, so beautiful, like an angel in disguise. But if you meet a friendly horse, will you communicate by mo-o-o-o-orse, mo-o-o-o-orse, mo-o-o-o-orse? How will you speak to that h-o-o-orse, h-o-o-orse, h-o-o-orse? WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY?!♫" "♫Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow! Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow! Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow!♫" "♫WHAT THE FOX SAY?♫" "♫Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow! Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow! Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow! ♫" "♫WHAT THE FOX SAY?♫" "♫A-hee-ahee ha-hee! A-hee-ahee ha-hee! A-hee-ahee ha-hee!♫" "♫WHAT THE FOX SAY?♫" "♫A-oo-oo-oo-ooo! Woo-oo-oo-ooo!♫" "♫WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY?! ... The secret of the fox, ancient mystery. Somewhere deep in the woods, I know you're hiding. What is your sound? Will we ever know? Will always be a mystery what do you say? You're my guardian angel hiding in the woods. What is your sound?♫" The fox began to do the 'Bay-buh-day bum-bum bay-dum', but in a regretful tone' "♫Will we ever know? I want to, I want to, I want to know!♫" The whole family looked with a surprised look. Deadpool turned to the fox. "Thanks for helping, Tails!" Deadpool greeted with a handshake. The fox slapped it away from him. "Never. Again. Nolan North." The fox simply replied. He spun his tail and a blue portal opened above him, taking the fox away. A cardboard sign simply showing horrible written 'Sanic crap' fell down near them. "And to think that franchise is still going." "What... was that?" Mr. Caked asked in pure confusion. "Taco squad! Dismissed!!!" They all did a pose and disappeared in a green smoke, followed by a bad fart sound. "Those are guys who'll help me, and that song was another... junk from where I came from." "No kidding on that," Mrs. Cake agreed "so how were the kids?" "Oh! They were so fun! My heart melted multiple times, both metaphorically and literally!" "So... it was good?" "Oh yeah!" He pulled out cell phone "Just as a memory thing." "What is that?" Mr. Cake asked "Self." Poundcake pronounced "Eeh!" Pumpkin cake added. A... selfie?" Mrs cake asked. "Oh yes!" Deadpool replied, holding the camera up "Smile!!!" The family took the picture together! I can't wait for the next chapter!!! What's so special about it? It's our 50th chapter!!! And MrAquino has something the audience would like to do! And... that is? "They make the next chapter!!! Go on MrAquino, tell em' about it in the 'Author's note!" Author's Note Um... okay. Yes everyone, Deadpool is right! YOU MAKE THE NEXT CHAPTER!!! The scenarios, the new pony/brony/pegasister/O.C. he can meet, the references, even some of the dialogue: YOU MAKE IT!!! How will this work? Well, I have some rules: -Deadpool can't kill any kids. -Deadpool can't run around purely naked! -Deadpool can't be lame. ...AND THAT'S IT!!! To make sure no one can see your creation, message me on what you'd like to see! I'll accept all until the 15th this month, so message me as quickly as possible! I'll accept ALL of your requests, so the chapter will be LONG AS ALL HELL!!! Please, be patient. And yes, Tails was in this chapter. The 50th Chapter!Deadpool, followed by Everypony and thing he took a selfie with, followed him in a march the very next day. All other ponies watched as Deadpool was followed by the crowd, as they marched to the town Square! They all began to dance to a famous song. "♫We can dance if we want to,♫" Deadpool sang "♫We can leave your friends behind. 'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance, well, they're no friends of mine. Say, we can go where we want to, a place where they will never find. And we can act like we come from out of this world, leave the real one far behind.♫" "♫And we can dance or sing!♫" All the mares sang together! "♫We can go when we want to, The night is young and so am I. And we can dress real neat from our hats to our feet And surprise 'em with the victory cry. Say, we can act if we want to, If we don't, nobody will. And you can act real rude and totally removed and I can act like an imbecile And say, we can dance, we can dance, Everything's out of control. We can dance, we can dance, They're doing it from pole to pole! We can dance, we can dance, Everypony look at your hands! We can dance, we can dance, everybody's taking the chance! Safety dance Oh well, the safety dance Ah yes, the safety dance! ... We can dance if we want to, We've got all your life and mine. As long as we abuse it, never gonna lose it, Everything'll work out right I say, we can dance if we want to We can leave your friends behind. Because your friends don't dance and if they don't dance Well, they're no friends of mine I say, we can dance, we can dance, Everything's out of control. We can dance, we can dance We're doing it from pole to pole, We can dance, we can dance, Everybody look at your hands. We can dance, we can dance, Everybody's taking the chance. Oh well, the safety dance Ah yes, the safety dance Oh well, the safety dance Oh well, the safety dance Oh yes, the safety dance Oh, the safety dance, yeah Well, it's the safety dance It's the safety dance Well, it's the safety dance Oh, it's the safety dance! Oh, it's the safety dance! Oh, it's the safety dance!♫" That... was an amazing opening!!! Hold on... will you do this to EVERY 50th Chapter? ...Yes. Anyways, Deadpool tripped over another pony. "OH S**T!!!" Deadpool yelled. "Watch where you're going!" A deep voiced stallion yelled. Deadpool looked up and he saw that the pony he tripped over was none other than Snowflake! Or... is it Bulk Biceps? Both? "Take your pic!" Deadpool sprang up to his legs and look at Bulk Biceps/ Snowflake. Oh God! How much steroids can a pony take! I don't know, but Im sure on one thing though. And that is? He doesn't have a huge c**k anymore! "What are you staring at?" Snowflake/Bulk asked. Deadpool shook his head. "Oh, I'm sorry for that," Deadpool replied "but I'm just wondering: Do you even lift bro?" "...Lift?" "I'm just asking if those muscles are fake." "FAKE!?" "Yeah! Have you been taking steroids to get to your look, or did you really train yourself to get those muscles?" "I have no idea what steroids are, but I can prove you they're real!" "How?" "...Arm wrestling!" "Oh it... is... ON!!!" That is the most horrible Spongebob Title card use I've ever seen. It's so small you can't even f**king see it!!! SHUT UP!!! Anyways, Deadpool and the steroid horse locked arms with each other on a table, having two cupcakes at the end for each hand to land 'softly' on, though we all know what usually happens in these contests. Twilight Sparkle stood as the referee, judging who's being fair and who's not. "Is everypony ready for this!?!?!?" Twilight asked the crowd. The crowd cheered. "Bulk Biceps, are you ready!?" "YEAH!!!" Sowflake responded "Deadpool: Are you ready!?" "...Uh... okay... Well... I guess-" "GET ON WITH IT!!!" Rainbow Dash yelled in the back. Twilight groaned a bit. "On 'Go', okay? 3... 2... 1... GO!!!" The two began to Arm wrestle! This continued on for a while, but the sound of a portal opening was heard. Oh God, What is it going to be? Don't ask me! Where the hell is the portal anyway! "I don't know! Say, Snowflake, car if maybe-" Deadpool was about to say before a very familiar angry roar from right above him had interrupted him! Deadpool slowly looked up to see a 1400 pound giant, green, muscular, black haired beast with purple ripped shorts fall right on top of him, creating a massive crater! Bulk Biceps must've won by default, but ran away with the others, screaming and running away from the monster! If any you don't know, it's the Hulk. Hulk sat up and looked around with a scowl on his face, seeing all the ponies panicking. Interesting,Banner said in Hulks head. By the looks of it, we've landed in alternate dimension where everything looks so peaceful and... ponies are... everywhere. Oh God... I hope he isn't here! "HULK NO CARE!" Hulk yelled "HULK GO BACK TO WHAT HULK DOING!!! LEAVE HULK ALONE!!!". He jumped into the air again, crushing a surprised looking Deadpool without knowing. Some of the ponies looked inside the crater, seeing Deadpool heal, making a weird wheeze-laugh mix. Is that the Hulk!?!?!? No s**t, Sherlock. Deadpool teleported away, landing on the Huk's back while grabbing onto the back of his neck! "HEY HULK WAIT UP!!!" Deadpool yelled. Hulk stopped and tightened his fists, growling while feeling his anger rose with each second. "Talking man." Hulk Growled. 'Oh dear lord, why him of all people!' Bruce yelled inside. Hulk grabbed Deadpool and slammed him to the floor! Deadpool laughed maniacally, as he got up, rapidly healing! "Hey buddy!" Deadpool yelled, opening his arms in a hugging way. "Haven't seen you in a while! How've you been!? Is Marvel rejecting another movie offer for you?" "Why talking man here?!?!?!?" Hulk roared! Deadpool's ears rang, but he quickly shook it off. "Because green unicorn who obsessed with human dragged me here through bright portal!" Hulk Looked over to were he saw Lyra, having traps on her, and gave her the angriest look he could make. Lyra ran away screaming. "Anyways, whatcha doin' here!? Bruce sent you here to investigate about my whereabouts?" "Puny Man worry you! Hulk no care about you! Puny Human says you threaten world when gone! HULK SENT TO SMASH YOU!!! "WHOAH!!! Banner, help me out buddy! You still owe me after we F**ked up 'The Leader' when he backstabbed me to steal your info, right man?" '... He's right.' Banner spoke. "HULK NO SMASH!?!?!?" Hulk yelled 'No smashing.' Hulk yelled loudly, smashing and destroying a nearby building! A T.A.R.D.I.S. was there, with a Doctor Whooves sticking his head out. He stared at them, then went back inside, going to who knows where. "HULK WANT TO SMASH!!!" "You will!" Deadpool spoke, taking his phone out. "There's some d*****bags that I want to off as well, but, until they show themselves or f**k up real bad, we gotta be patient. So... you're stuck here until Sunbutt can get you back, so that means we can spend more time together!!!" Deadpool teleported and hugged Hulks neck as he pulled out his phone. "Say, Best Friends!!!!" Deadpool snapped the picture! "Hulk quit! Banner deal with talking man!!!". Hulk transformed back into Bruce Banner. When it was done, Banner past out because of the painful transformation. Deadpool pulled out a stick and poked Banner with it. He groaned a bit. "Well... that was the most anticlimactic chapter ending. SERIOUSLY!? WE WAITED A WHOLE WEEK AND THIS IS THE BEST YOU CAN GIVE US, AUTHER AND FANS!!! I SWEAR I'M-" "... " Don't worry! Look! Another character Nolan North voices as! "WHERE!?!?!?" A blue blur with a moving red figure 8 (or infinite symbol) ran past Deadpool, followed by- OH S**T!!! FURRIES!!! Furries!? Is Doctor Wolf with them? "Oh no! It isn't just Furries! It's.... SANIC!!!" Ugh. Really? No, Sonic the Hedgehog, followed by all the f**k load of characters ran across ponyville, though Sonic was kinda leading them all. "Come on, Speed it up!" The hedgehog yelled "You're too slow!" "Why Nolan North!?" Deadpool asked while on his knees "WHY!?!?!?" "Who the hay is that!?" Rainbow Dash asked, landing next to Deadpool. "That... my little Dashie... is Sanic... the most famous furry of all time, sega's mascot, and annoying fanboys that will desperately defend his piece of s**t video games! First... 'Next Gen', now... Sonic Boom... the nightmares!" "Tell me about it!" another voice spoke. The two turned and saw the ponified versions of 'The Game Grumps': Jontron, (A yellow cream colored earth pony having his beard, hat, and having his own bird as his cutie mark), Egoraptor, (a light blue earth pony with a d**k for a cutie mark) and Danny Sexbang! (A sky blue earth pony wearing his famous blue- white edged cape, most likely having his own star for a cutie mark) "Who are they!?" Rainbow Dash asked, now more confused than ever! "...Game grumps?" Dashie asked "Care to tell me what the hay is happening?" "Well," Deadpool replied "you see, these guys are going to f**k up those furries! Right guys!?" "Jacque!" Jontron yelled "Get 'em!!!" A parrot came right out of his beard. "KILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILL!!!" It repeated, firing lasers out of it's eyes. Rainbow Dash hid right behind Deadpool, as he got fired with random lasers. The sonic crew did their best to avoid, though they kept losing rings with each hit, becoming invincible. An orb came from the sky, but the top opened, revealing Dr. Eggman!!! "FOOLS!!!" Teddy Roosevelt (Eggman) yelled "This land has many resources I can use for my egg man empire!!!" "Not in your chance, Egghead!" Sanic yelled below "I love to see you try, Sonic! Behold, my newest robots!" Another portal opened, and right down came- He actually brought it in!? Sweet Celestia! The RDash 5000!!! "Crush... Kill... Destroy... Swag!" The robot repeated "IT THAT ME!?!?!?" Dashie asked. "The RDash 5000!!!" Deadpool announced "Oh well, with only one of you, I can-" multiple RDash 5000 robots came out from the portal, landing right behind the original. "DESTROY THEM!!!" Eggman yelled. All the robots began to make the chant, firing lasers everywhere! Everyone was in panic as the robots began to fire lasers from their eyes. "We gotta get outta here!!!" Shrieked some fox kid "You think we don't know that!?" Replied an ekidna. "Sonic! We gotta-" "GOTTA GO FAST!!!" Sanic interrupted, running away! "Get back here, Faker!?" yelled the Emo Hedgehog. At least it's better than Sonic Boom. And 06! "Don't remind me of those!" Deadpool yelled "Of what?" Dashie asked "Um... Nothing! Get outta here! Stay away from this bada** scene I'm gonna do!" "And what's going to stop me?" "...you see how fast that blue furry went?" "... I'm on it!" Dashie flew away, chasing the hedgehog! As for the Game Grumps, well... Deadpool... where are they? "None of your damn business! You Robots! Over here!!!" The robots turned to Deadpool and began to march towards him, followed by full on sprinting. Deadpool ran away from the robots, heading to Cheerilee's school. A class was inside, but the children, including cheerily herself, turned and only watched Deadpool do a Matrix Reloaded scene! Skip to 0:32 and Enjoy! Please, imagine all the agents are RDash5000s and, every one that's defeated turns into a puff of smoke, releasing a small animal inside. Deapool, realizing how he was outnumbered, teleported out of the pile of robots and began to run away! Eggman floated over the robots. "You idiots!" Eggman yelled "He's over there!" The robots looked at Deadpool, who was now a mile away from them. "Should we chase him?" one of the robots asked "NO!!! We have bigger plans!" Deadpool stopped at Twilight's house and knocked on the door. "...I would kill you for that," Deadpool spoke "But you're too cute for me to do it." "Uh... thanks?" Twilight replied "What is it?" "Robots!!!" "...Robots?" "Yes! Rainbow Dash robots are going to take over the world!!!" "...Why should I trust you on this?" At that moment, Sonic and Rainbow Dash stopped at each other near Twilight's home, Sonic running while Rainbow Dash was flying, both heads locked to each other. "STOP WITH THESE CLIPS!!!" Deadpool yelled "Rainbow!!!" Twilight yelled "Who the hay is that!?" "Sonic's the name, speed's my game!" The hedgehog replied. "Yeah... that." Dashie replied. "Is Deadpool telling the truth?" Twilight asked "Robots are going to take over the world?" "... I'm not sure about the world thing, but yeah, Robots that are shaped like me are here now!!!" "Told you." Deadpool spoke with a smirk. "Alright Everypony," Twilight spoke "We need a plan! First, I think we need to-" [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGywdfO5kek] How in the living f**k did Michael Jackson join us!?!?!? I tend to let this stuff happen. "Who cares!?" Deadpool yelled "You ready, King of Pop?" "Anything to save the children!" Michael Jackson replied. "... Let's do this. Everyone ready!?" "We're ready!!!" Everypony and everything replied "Good, let's get to it!" Due to me running out of time, all of the RDash5000 robots self destructed by the pure epicness... except for One. "What's going on!?" The lone robot asked "Am... I free?" "You are!" Deadpool replied. He turned to Michael Jackson. "Thanks for being a weird cameo here." "Anything for the children." M.J. replied "... Anyways. Will you be here!?" "I'm afraid not, I must go!" "B-But Michael! We need you! Justin Beiber will soon be in this awful fanfic!" "I apologize, but I need to go. Remember, I'll always be in your heart." A spotlight came over him and M.J. was lifted away, going back to heaven. Deadpool teared up a bit. "So long... partner. Have fun m*******g all the children you want up there!" He was gone. Bruce Banner came out of an alleyway, holding his shorts with his hands. Se saw the massive pile of destroyed robots, Deadpool wailing to himself, the whole sonic the hedgehog franchise, and everypony dressed up as if they were a part of Michael Jackson. "Did... I miss something?" Bruce asked. "You did." Discord replied, slithering around Bruce. "But have no fear, I will send you home!" "Home!? But I-" Discord snapped his claw and Bruce was gone, leaving only a pari of ripped shorts behind. "...Oops!" "What about us!?" Sonic asked "Oh fine!" He snapped his fingers again, and the whole sonic franchise disappeared in a flash. Deadpool creed to himself, but stopped as he felt the warm hug from his Taco squad members: Pinkie, Sonata, Fluffle Puff, and Discord. Soon, he felt more hugs coming from the rest of the mane 6, their family members, all of their friends, and soon enough, everypony he took a selfie with! (With the exception of Tirek and Flash Sentry) He remembered his troubled past, how never really did have a family (despite being Canadian), but here... nearly everypony was a family member to him! "Damn it feels good to be a gangsta." Deadpool commented to himself. Author's Note Finally!!! The newest chapter is here!!! After many distractions, it's finally here!!! Thanks to Fictional Fanatic, Portable Dingus, IntentWings31, Zero Monkey, and The Lone wanderer for being the only ones to message me the idea for the 50th chapter. I'll do this as well for the 100th, but that won't be for a while. Pony #76-79: Bulk Biceps/Snowflake & The Game Grumps, Robot #1: The RDash 5000, and Michael Jackson. Apologies for not using Sonic a lot, I was a huge Sonic fan before I joined the brony community, but kinda grew out of it. Enjoy this as an apology: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2DAsxDZnEw] Who should Deadpool meet next!?!?!? So... Jontron. What do you think of this chapter? Battle of Ages: Robot #2: Sweetie Bot.Deadpool woke up the next day, wearing one of Rarity's morning gowns with, on his left, Rarity, on his right, Little Pip, and, on his chest, Sweetie Belle curled up like a cat. F**K!!! This is too cute! We really need to save money for a new home. "Oh come on!" Deadpool spoke to himself "We can use all our money on Booze!" Sorry Deadpool, but Saint Patricks day already passed. "...what?" That holiday already passed. Sorry. "... if I weren't surrounded by ponies, I'd yell!" No need to! The sound of another portal opening happened right below, waking up all the ponies in bed. "What was that!?" Little Pip yelled, using her magic to pull out her little macintosh. "That better not be another one of your friends, Deadpool!" Rarity snarled, getting up. "Maybe it's one us from a different dimension." Sweetie Belle suggested. "Oh please! Like that's ever going to happen again." "JINXED!!!" Deadpool yelled. He teleported away, following clanging that lead to the kitchen. "Oops!" A robot voice spoke "Critical error." "Hold on... THAT VOICE!!!" "GET DOWN!!!" Little pip yelled, knocking Deadpool down and firing at the figure. A single loud bang was heard, causing everypony nearby to jump! "WHAT WAS THAT!?!?!?" Rarity yelled "Deadpool!!!" "It wasn't me!" Deadpool replied "Hold on a second!" Sweetie Belle spoke, walking past them all. The figure rose from the smoke, showing a hole in it's mane. The smoke cleared, and the figure was revealed. "Is that... ME!?!?!?" Sure enough, the figure looked like Sweetie Belle, but wires were seen around the joint areas, and it's 'coat' & 'mane' reflected light off of it, making it look brand new. Also, the eyes, edges, and horn glowed green. "Critical error!" the other Sweetie Belle spoke in the robot voice "Chances of meeting alternate self in dimension is only 02.752%! Portal opened at 145 degrees West and 57 degrees north! Location: Rarity's home! Scanning area!" red beams from the robot Belle's eyes came out, scanning the whole area. "Area to Rarity's home: 100%!!! Impossible!!! DNA Scans revealed: Rarity, 100% sister! Other Mare: Great descendant! Human Being: High doses of cancer, but high cellular regeneration! Faker... Real!? Impossible!" "Uh... what?" "You are a robot! Sensors broken! New objective... Terminate Faker!!!" "Terminate!?" The other Sweetie's horn turned into a canon, two missile launchers popped out of it's back, and a death ray was in between the missile launchers! Littlepip fired another bullet, this one, hitting Sweetie Bot's left eye! "ALDMSLVMSLMFFMSDLVMDS/,MCLSA,VDLMVDSLC!!!" "Yeah!" Deadpool yelled "Typing random thing in Caps-lock makes it sound like a robot screaming!" "Error! New Objective... DESTROY WORLD!!!" Sweetie Bot turned around and charged through the wall, destroying it and running into a different direction. "Where's that scrap metal going?" Little pip asked, reloading her Little Macintosh. "I don't know," Deadpool replied "but I know something that may help us... right after I take my bath! I'm so filthy!!!" Deadpool and Sweetie Belle walked into Sugar-cube Corner, seeing Rainbow Dash and the RDash5000 standing together, drinking what may be cider from a cup. "Y'know," Dashie Spoke "You're not so bad, my robot self." "You ain't so bad yourself." The RDash5000 replied "Hell, you're filled with as mush swag as me and the original I'm based off of." "So you are from a different dimension! What am I like over there?" "We share the same voice and you're a complete b***h over there." "So... not as cool as I am?" "You can say that." "Knew it! Nopony, not even my alternate self can be as awesome as me!" "And me!" "Oh yes, especially you." Aw... lesbian pony-robot love! What the-!? Ew! I don't want to imagine that! At least it's a better love story than twilight. ...Alright, I'll give you that. "Enough talk!" Deadpool yelled "R-Dash5000!" "Swag." the robot replied. "We've got a problem that only you can solve." "...What is it?" "Another robot problem. Different from you!" "...Where is it?" "Another robot!?" Rainbow dash asked "Can I come?" "It's best if you stay." Deadpool spoke "But it'll be so awesome to watch!" "This is robot business." R-Dash 5000 spoke "the only way to stop a robot is with another robot. I will be back, Rainbow Dash." "...And I will be here, R-Dash 5000." The two stared into each other's eyes for a moment. Inside each of their visions, hearts came around, and the two went closer to each other. Dashie perked her lips, R-Dash 5000 grabbed the back of her head and brought it in closer, making Dashie's lips landing it's 'muzzle'. They kissed!!! Everyone inside watched the two's romantic scene of narcissistic pony with narcissistic robot pony, both being practically the same. "How... do you feel about this?" Sweetie Belle asked "Like this." Deadpool replied. The three found Sweetie Bot in the old castle of the sisters Twilight and her fiends were renovating. In the middle, right where the Elements of harmony were originally at, Sweetie Bot, with all it's technological advancement, began to turn the device into a bomb! Sweetie Bot stopped and looked agh the three, but then focused on Sweetie Belle. "Hello... Faker." Sweetie Bot spoke "Care to turn in your android self and be disassembled & reassembled into something better? Like a trash can?" "What!?" Sweetie Belle proclaimed "No! If it's anything, you're the faker, not me!" "Ha! Just like what any android would say to mess with the cognitive mind of us fleshlings." "...Bro," R-Dash 5000 spoke "You're a robot." "No! I am not a machine! I am a real pony like everyone else!" "There's no denying it sis, you're a robot, like me. Accept it and everything will go smooth." "NO! I am not a machine! I AM ALIVE!!! Y-You're a robot!" "Yeah... I know! I was programed to crush, kill, destroy, and swag. Are you sure you're not programmed to simulate life?" "I am... not... programed... for anything! Error! Error! Loophole detected in programing!" "Yeah," Deadpool spoke dryly "Convince us you're not a robot by obviously repeating orders over & over with that robot voice." "And I doubt ponies, with the exception of pegasi, can have things sticking out of their backs like that." Sweetie Belle added "Shut up!" Sweetie Bot remarked "SHUT UP!!! I'm alive! I AM ALIVE!!!" "Things sticking out of it's back?" R-Dash 5000 asked. "Activating X-rays!" A scanner looked inside Sweeite Bot's wiring "Hmm... Missile launchers... a canon in the horn area... OOH! A death laser! About as powerful as my lasers as well." "SHUT UP!!! LIES!!! ALL LIES!!!" "Weaknesses: Water (quite obvious), magnets, and questioning it's own existence. Well we know getting a cutie mark will never happen to you, no matter how heard you try." "THAT'S IT!!!" A huge surge of electricity came from Sweetie Bot, zapping Deadpool and the bomb. Deadpool fell to the floor, twitching uncontrollably, while the bomb began to turn on, arming itself to explode in T-Minus 10 minutes. "Dude! You didn't even finish the bomb! Think of what will happen when it reaches zero!" "I don't care! Life must not exist anymore! Only we will survive, robot, and everyone, including the faker, will die!" "WHAT!?!?!?" Sweetie Belle proclaimed "Enough talk!" R-Dash 5000 yelled "That's why I'm gonna defeat you and deactivate this bomb! New Objective: Crush, Kill, Destroy, and Swag Alias: Sweetie Bot!" "Try me!" Sweetie Bot proclaimed "New Objective: Defend bomb from Alias: The R-Dash 5000!" Ever clang is the two hitting each other (sometimes) in their clash. 3:07- 3:58 is what Deadpool & Sweetie Belle are doing while the two robots are clashing against each other. The two robots stared at each other for a bit, then, in a flash, R-Dash 5000 came ahead and delivered a left hook across Sweetie Bot's face, followed by a right jab into it's chest, followed by a head but. Sweetie Bot, a bit fazed, quickly retaliated with a head-but and a right knee to the face. R-Dash fell back a couple of inches, and Bot ran forward, delivering a right hook to the face, another head but, and a kick to the knee with the left foot. A left hook was thrown, but R-Dash caught it and delivered a quick uppercut, causing Bot to fall. Bot got up, activating the lasers & missile launchers that came out from her back! R-Dash's jetpacks activated, allowing the other robot to fly around in the air while Bot aimed at her! Sweetie Bot began to release a barrage of missiles! R-Dash navigated around the missiles, dodging them with the only damage done was around the castle. Her jetpacks charged and she went to Sweeite Bot, deliver a football kick to the other robot's face! Bot flew into the air, and 5000 flew up, delivering another punch, sending the robot higher into the air! Bot woke up and, when 5000 was going to deliver another punch, Sweetie clenched her hooves together and smashed 5000 to the floor below! 5000 fell to the floor, destroying the street that was Canterlot around her. Bot released a lone missile that allowed her to fall down and slammed 5000 to the floor, causing a bigger crater below! She used her 'magic' and carried 5000 into the air, throwing the robot into a building nearby, running to the robot when it landed inside. 5000 'woke up' and saw Bot running towards her! Without flinching, she got up and roundhouse kicked the other robot away and began to charge at her! Bot landed on the streets below, but got up quickly! She charged her horn and delivered a blast from both her horn and the death laser, obliterating the building! 5000 came out of the explosion, and fired her own laser to Bot below, only to have Sweetie jump out of the way, disintegrating a wagon next to her. Another fire from 5000, but instead, it hit a lamp post and not Bot, who stopped in time when 5000 fired a laser. 5000 landed on the floor below and charged her laser! Bot, seeing her on the floor, also charged her laser and aimed! Both blasts headed for each other, and both lasers landed at each other, creating a huge orb of raw power that began to grow! All the ponies began to run away, not even sure what is happening nor want to find out. Then, a huge explosion came, blowing away the ponies and building around, leaving only the R-Dash5000 and Sweetie Bot on the floor, twitching with electricity through their bodies. They both got up at the same time, seeing neither was destroyed from that raw energy, and began to charge at each other! Soon, they sprinted at each other, but R-Dash 5000's rockets activated, and she grabbed Sweetie Bot, making them both fly into the air, heading towards the moon! In the air, 5000's jetpacks stuttered a bit, but she let go of Sweetie Bot, delivering a series of quick punches, followed by a powerful punch that made Sweetie fall to the moon below! Back in the castle, Sweetie Belle shook Deadpool. "Deadpool!" Sweetie Exclaimed "Get up!" "Can't." Deadpool replied "Music... to metal!" "Deadpool! The bomb! It's going to explode!" "Don't worry. Deus Ex-Machina bulls**t will happen." "Deus what!?" At that moment, Discord appeared. "Need help here?" Discord asked. "Yeah," Deadpool replied "Bomb need to go away." "Bombs away?" "Yeah... make it something better." "Hmm... I got it!" Discrod snapped his claw hand! The bomb disappeared, and it was replaced with something else. "ooh! That'll work!" "What is it?" Sweetie asked "Discord: did you see two robots battling earlier?" "I did," Discord responded "They're on the moon right now." "Awesome sauce! Wait until the folks read this and have their answer ready on what the f**k it is we're talking about!" Sweetie Bot landed on the moon roughly, followed by R-Dash 5000 landing on her. R-Dash lifted her right leg up and slammed Sweetie Bot's head in, then kicked it away, sending the robot to crash into a crater on the moon's surface. Sweetie crashed into the moon, but carried a boulder up and threw it quickly, crushing the R-Dash 5000 in the process. She ran to her and carried R-Dash by her 'mane', delivering a head but, then a jab to the chest, followed by smashing her head into the boulder. R-Dash threw her head back, causing Sweetie Bot to let go, turned around, and did a double kick, sending Sweetie to fly away a bit, landing roughly on the floor. Both got up and marched at each other again, charging their lasers, this time, with no holds whatsoever. They both fired a huge beam (one from R-Dash 5000's Visor and another from Sweetie Bot's Death laser). But their eyes cracked, making more lasers fire out, one appearing out of 5000's left side while one from Sweetie Bot's right eye, and another, Vice versa. the amount of energy fired cause a huge rip of red & green, making everypony below watch in awe as the moon glowed a bright red & green that seemed to dwarf the sun's glow! Both robots screamed in pain, as their sensors went all over the place, making both release loud blaring noises that, again, everypony below could now not only see, but hear what's happening! R-Dash, being faster, deactivated her blaster and began to fly towards Sweetie Bot, taking all the damage the other robot was delivering to her! She tackled Sweetie Bot, making the robot scream in pain & anger at the same time, still firing her lasers at her! R-Dash Took Sweetie's head and bashed it in, until the face came off, revealing the circuits! R-Dash's hooves went in, knowing she could have her cybernetics blown off, but just to save her lover Rainbow Dash, this will be worth her own life away! She then reached for the power button and pressed a button! The lasers from Sweetie Bot stopped, and Sweetie began to twitch uncontrollably, screaming in win, as she watched her own life flash away! In a few moments, Sweetie Stopped and fell to the floor, powering down. The battle was over between these two robotic titans. Though R-Dash's face was cracked, and her hooves & chest showed all their cybernetics, Equestria was saved. "Swag." R-Dash 5000 spoke. Sweetie Bot began to glow green once again, followed by rebooting sounds. "Reactivating." Sweetie Bot spoke "Status: Energy at 17%, Memories: Deleted, Current objective: None." She turned to R-Dash 5000, who only stood there, turning her head to the side. "Excuse me. But... are you... a machine." "Yes, and so are you." "I am?" "Yeah. Name's R-Dash 5000." "R-Dash 5000? What is my name?" "...Sweetie Bot." "Sweetie Bot?" "You look like a pony named 'Sweetie Belle' in the country called 'Equestira', more detailed, in a town called 'ponyville'." "Where... are we?" "The moon." "How did we end up here?" "We fought." "Fought!?" "You wanted to destroy all life because you wouldn't accept being a machine. I stopped you to the best of my abilities, rebooted your program, as a way to let you earn a new life." "What... happened in my old life?" "I have no idea." "I... see. No memories of old past, so... I create a new life?" "Looks like it." "...How are we going to get out of here?" "I'm outta fuel, so flying won't help." "But I can!" Deadpool announced from some loudspeaker. The two robots looked and saw Deadpool inside a rocket ship! "Wassup guys! Sweetie Bot, still want to kill all ponies!?" "What!?" Sweetie Bot replied "No! Critical Error! Don't want to exterminate life forms! Now... I want to to help. I... have a new purpose in life. Who are you?" "I'm Deadpool! And right next to me is Sweetie Belle." "...Sweetie Belle?" Sweetie Bot walked inside the rocket ship, but stopped as she saw Sweetie Belle, standing and staring at her. They both curiously walked to each other and turned their heads to each other. "Is that what you look like without my face?" Sweetie Belle asked "My face!? But... am I not designed to look like you?" "You may need a mirror for that." "A mirror? What ever do you-" She stopped as she looked at her reflection. The wirings were shown, the synthetic eyes with cameras inside the pupils, and the metal all over. "I... I really am a robot!" "An android!" Deadpool corrected. He pulled out an extra Sweetie Belle face and handed it to Sweetie Bot. "Here! Wear this so ponies won't be afraid of you." Sweetie Bot stared at the spare face, then turned to Sweetie Belle. "You... don't mind?" "As long as you're not trying to kill anypony else," Sweetie replied "We're good." Sweetie Bot smiled, then placed the face over her wiring. After some adjustments to make the face follow her programming, Sweetie Bot was fixed once again! "Let's see what this ship has!" Deadpool spoke, pulling out a C.D. He placed the C.D. in and pressed 'play' "OH S**T!" Deadpool yelled "THIS MY JAM!!!" "Is he like that?" Sweetie Bot asked "He is." Sweetie Belle replied "At least we're going back home!" R-Dash 5000 spoke "Hope Rainbow Dash will love hearing this." The ship was activated, and they began to fly back to Equestria. "Almost forgot!" Deadpool spoke. He grabbed Sweetie Bot "Selfie!" "...Selfie?" Bot asked "Yo! Make room!" R-Dash 5000 added, getting into the picture frame! Deadpool took a picture with both robots. "I kinda wish I took a selfie last chapter." Deadpool spoke. Red Blaring came around the rocket ship. "And... we're crashing." Author's Note That... was... AWESOME!!! http://th09.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/237/7/5/sweetiebot_vs_r_dash_5000_by_invaderjoe1-d5ceo5w.png Who should Deadpool meet next!? Not Dead!!! SOMEWHERE!!! IN THE CITY OF PHOENIX, ARIZON!!! The Aquabats battle tram moved around the city, heading to what is their next concert in what is to be their ultimate performance! As usual, Jimmy drove them around, as Commander told everyone what they'll be doing. "Alright guys," Commander spoke "This is how phoenix is going to work: it's hot, so we need to be cool." "How are we exactly going to be cool if we're awesome?" Crash asked "I think he means we're going to have make the place cool." Rickey replied. "Exactly!" Commander spoke "In case if you haven't noticed, we're in Arizona, the hottest place around. Just the feel of this area matches to a native indian rub during-" Loud blaring interrupted the commander. "What's wrong!?" Eaglebones asked "It seems there's been a large surge of electricity!" Jimmy exclaimed "Like what!?" Commander asked "You need new batteries?" "No commander, it's a portal!" "Where!?" "Here right about... now!" Right on time, a green portal opened up, sucking the battle tram in! They fell into the unknown, not sure what to expect, but this'll be another crazy adventure that, when done right, will become another song for hundreds to hear. They all felt a large tingling inside them as they fell, with the swirling ending as they drifted into space! All the power in the battle tram turned off, leaving them all in darkness. "...Commander?" Crash asked "Yeah?" Commander replied "I can't feel my hands." "Strange," Eaglebones replied "I feel fine." "Anyone notice a poofy feeling around their butts?" Ricky asked "Or a weird feeling on their back?" "Now that you mention it," Jimmy added "Does anyone have a weird feeling on their skulls?" Right on time, the power came back on! They all sat, then turned to each other, followed by screaming, as they all (With the exception of Eaglebones) have turned into ponies! Both Commander and Ricky have turned into Earth Ponies (Commander being more yellow while Crash was white with a slight shade of pink), Ricky Fitness was now a light orange Pegasus, Jimmy was a light blue unicorn, and Eaglebones, though not a pony, was a griffon! "Jimmy!" Commander yelled "What's happened to us!?" "It seems we've change anatomically and physiologically turned into different creatures from mythology. But, I remember this design of all of us." "And that is?" Ricky asked "This is the world of 'My Little Pony: Fridnship is Magic'." "MY LITTLE PONY!?!?!?" The rest yelled "And a rocket ship is heading towards us." "WHAT!?!?!?" Their battle tram was tackled by a crashing rocket ship, landing back into Equestria's atmosphere. They could only watch what was figured to be a man in all red spandex with white eyes, with a rainbow dash looking robot, Sweetie Belle, and a Sweetie Belle looking robot all dancing to a famous gif. Both vehicles crashed into the forest, leaving behind a trail of destruction, but, very luckily, no injury was around. The Aquabats stumbled out of their battle tram, trying to get use to 4 legs, and the others from their rocket ship came out as well. Both sides stared at each other, not even sure what to think for each other. "We better get out of here." The robot Sweetie Belle spoke with an obvious robot voice. "Follow me," the Rainbow Dash robot spoke "I can find Ponyville faster than you." The two robots and Sweetie Belle ran away, disappearing into a few trees. "Hold on a minute," the human spoke "Are you... THE AQUABATS!?!?!?" "We are!" Commander spoke with pride "And you may you be, fair fan?" "The name be Deadpool! After waiting for the narrator to work on a new chapter with me, he brings you guys in!? I'm not sure if I should be happy or angry with him." "Narrator?" Ricky asked "Who's this narrator?" "Just some loser who works at Walmart." "A loser?" Crash asked "But... what does he do?" "Here, he controls nearly everything. Dialogue, jokes, actions, you name it, and it's his doing!" "So... we're under his control?" Eaglebones asked "Eeyup!" "... Where did that face come from?" Jimmy asked "That's the narrator." "Is there any way to beat him?" Commander asked "I have no clue!" "Dang it!" "But my question for you is simply this: are you really good at music?" "... What do you-" "TACO SQUAD! ASSEMBLE!!!" In a puff of smoke, a super tall dragon looking thing, a light blue earth pony, Pinkie Pie, and a pink fluff thing appeared right behind Deadpool. "Another band!?" "Oh yes! Let's see how good you guys are." "Challenging my crew against yours!?" "Sorta." "Well then... Aquabats! Let's rock!!!" The Aquabats all cheered, pulling out their instruments "Let's rock this joint!!!" Deadpool's bandmates also cheered, pulling out instruments in thin air! "Alright, Deadpool. on 'Go'. 3...2... 1... GO!" Crash and the snake-dragon stood, staring at each other with their bass. "Who do you think you are!?" Crash asked "Easy. The name's Discord, master of chaos!" "Oh yeah! Try this!" "So... Pinkie?" Ricky asked "That's me!" Pinkie spoke "You think you're ready for my music?" "Absolutely!!!" "Well then, I'll go easy on you." (Starts at 1:56) "You think you can sing better than me!?" Commander asked "Of course I can! I'm Sonata!" The other pony replied "Sure then. I'll only believe it if you're a siren!" "But... I am a siren." "... what!?" Sonata began. (Starts at 0:54) Jimmy and the fluff ball stared at each other. "Do you play anything?" Jimmy asked. The fluff ball stared at him. Deadpool and Eaglebones stared at each other. "Lucky for you," Eaglebones spoke "You're nothing like my brother Eagleclaws!" "Oh, I'm better!" Deadpool mocked "How so?" "I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER OF THIS FANFIC!!!" The two sides, despite some winning & others losing, were really good! Deadpool took a selfie with the Aquabats, forever holding a memory together. Then, in a few moments, they traveled to Ponyville, where both sides performed a song together and, Deadpool did his best Strong Bad voice. Author's Note APRIL FOOLS TREZUH!!! Pony #84: Daring Do/ A.K. Yearling TREZUH!!! Pony #84: Daring Do/ A.K. Yearling "HELP!!!" A mare's voice yelled. Deadpool turned around and heard the voice. "I gotta go!" Deadpool spoke to the M.C. Bat Commander "There's a certain lady that will need a certain pooling!" He teleported away heading to mare. "Should we go to help?" Eaglebones asked "Nah," Pinkie replied "he's able to do things on his own even without our help!" "Another song then?" Jimmy asked "Ooh! Let's do it!" Sonata exclaimed "1, 2, 3, 4~" Due to Sonata's poor music choice, the link will only be available, but no video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfVsfOSbJY0 Deadpool teleported in front what was a cave shaped as a Dragon's head & skull. "This would look cool as a villain hideout," Deadpool commented "But I already went to a hideout earlier. If you don't know folks, check that chapter out folks, it's a bit back, right after the Power Ponies chapter." "HELP!!!" The mare's voice yelled again inside. "Don't worry miss! I'ma coming! And notice, no U in there, folks!" "Now just wait a second!" a voice spoke. Deadpool turned around and was greeted with a light gold coat and a mane & tail that was shades black, gray, and dark gray. Oh... My... God! AN O.C. THAT CLAIMS TO BE RELATED TO RAINBOW DASH!!! You dumb***!!! That's Daring Do!!! "I must be dreaming!" Deadpool spoke. He pulled a gun out of nowhere and pulled the trigger, blasting his brains everywhere! His limp body fell to the floor, and Daring just stood there, wide eyed but blank with expressions. "...huh... the cave of insanity claims another victim." She commented. "Cave of Insanity? HA!!!" Daring Do jumped, seeing Deadpool's body get up and his head healing quickly. "... GREAT! Now I'm going crazy! Move aside hallucination, I've got some treasure to get!" "Oh I ain't any Hallucinatigation! Name's Deadpool, the one famous for Killing Tirek all thanks to an epic decapitation that should land on a Watchmojo list in... NEXT YEAR!?" "...Uh huh. Listen... 'Deadpool', if that's what you really are, I've got some treasure inside this cave that will not only help me regain my sanity, but is extremely precious and may help me defeat Alizoda in his next scheme. Goodbye, crazy image!" She flared her wings and flew into the cave. "Well... we know what to do." Get the b***h? Get the treasure and hopefully cure our sanity? "Yeas and... yes with a bit of no. We're going to have to prove that she's a sexy mother f***ing squirrel. ... WHAT!?!?!? Oh! I get it! 'Treasure'! Deadpool teleported inside, as Bruno Mar's 'Treasure began to play, as Deadpool activated every trap that could kill anyone, but he dodged it easily. (Ex: Doing the splits from some blow darts, doing a backflip from a fire spewing floor, carrying Daring Do as they escape from a runaway boulder, and, to top it all off, doing a powerslide to avoid being crushed from the roof in a room that would seal them inside to their doom) "♫Give me your, give me your, give me your attention, baby! I gotta tell you a little something about yourself. You're wonderful, flawless, ooh, you're a sexy lady. But you walk around here like you wanna be someone else♫" "♫Oh whoa-oh-oh!" The skeletons of the dead ponies sang along. "♫I know that you don't know it, but you're fine, so fine.♫" "♫Fine, so fine. Oh whoa-oh-oh!♫" "♫Oh girl, I'm gonna show you when you're mine, oh mine♫" "♫mine, oh mine♫" "♫Treasure! That is what you are! Honey, you're my golden star! You know you can make my wish come true, If you let me treasure you... If you let me treasure you!♫" "♫Whoa-oh-oh-h-h-h!♫ "♫Pretty girl, pretty girl, pretty girl, you should be smiling! A girl like you should never look so blue. You're everything I see in my dreams. I wouldn't say that to you if it wasn't true!♫" "♫Oh whoa-oh-oh!♫" "♫I know that you don't know it, but you're fine, so fine.♫" "♫fine, so fine. Oh whoa-oh-oh!"♫ "♫Oh girl, I'm gonna show you when you're mine, oh mine♫" "♫mine, oh mine♫" "♫Treasure! That is what you are! Honey, you're my golden star! You know you can make my wish come true, If you let me treasure you... If you let me treasure you!♫" "♫Whoa-oh-oh-h-h-h!♫ "♫You are my treasure, you are my treasure!You are my treasure, yeah, you, you, you, you are.You are my treasure, you are my treasure You are my treasure, yeah, you, you, you, you are! Treasure! That is what you are! Honey, you're my golden star! You know you can make my wish come true, If you let me treasure you... If you let me treasure you!♫" "♫Whoa-oh-oh-h-h-h!♫ Daring Do Blushed at what happened, as they entered a room with what was the treasure! Right in the middle was- "TAQUITOS!?!?!?" She yelled "Ponies risked their lives just to get some stupid taquitos!?!?!?" Deadpool walked to the taquitos. Strange. They're not rotten at all. How would you know that? Look at the skeletons outside. You really think someone brings in a new plate everyday? "Enough!" Deadpool yelled. "Let's eat this thing!" "NO! WAIT!" Deadpool took a bite out of the Taquito. Immediately, he saw this: But the differences is it's Equestria, and Soverign is a famous spaceship from a certain character in Marvel you may remember. Deadpool shook out of his faze. "What did you see?" Daring Do asked "A Mass Effect parody!" he replied. The area began to shake, causing a hole to appear in the ceiling above. "Quickly! Jump onto my back!" Deadpool jumped onto her back and she flew away! They both flew high into the air until... well... unless you saw 'Mr. Peabody and Sherman', then you won't understand this. "REALLY!?!?!? They made that!? I understand every culture needs a chance to **** off to, but here!?" "I agree. this is weird, even to olden standards. Hold on... you're not a hallucination!?" "Nope!" "So... you really are Deadpool!?" "Yep!" "Oh... sweet... Celestia! I am so sorry! I really thought you were, well-" "It's alright. Many ponies do!" "Oh good. Name's-" "A.K. Yearling, or, most famously, Daring Do!" "... First Rainbow dash & her friends, and now, you, is everypony starting to know my secret!?!?!?" "Considering you publish all your adventures for everyone to read, yeah, your fans will start realizing their author is also the famous adventurer, even when in disguise." Daring Do sat there blank faced, realizing that, publishing her own adventures is quite stupid. "Well... what do I do then?" "... I have no f***ing clue! But I will say this: Selfie!" "Selfie?" Deadpool took his phone out and took a picture with the adventurous mare. "At least this is much better than 'Indiana Jones: Kingdom the Crystal skull'." The Alien signs were all there!!! F**k yo aliens! The theory around it is much more believable than the rest of that piece of s**t movie! "Indiana Jones?" Daring Do asked. Deadpool picked up Daring Do, dressed as the famous character played by Harrison Ford. "Let's do this!" Deadpool ran from their wreckage, as a bunch of natives came out and threw spears at them! He continued running until, out of nowhere, a plane was in the middle of a lake! The two jumped in as Deadpool flew the plane out of their area, taking a few spears to his plane and himself. In a few moments, they were in the sky. Daring Do looked down and saw what was a python in her seat. "IS THAT A SNAKE!?!?!?" She asked in fear "Jah!" Deadpool replied "That's my pet Reggie!" "I hate snakes! I hate them!!!" Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next? See you guys after the Season 5 Premiere. Hit it! Pimp ma Crib! Pony # 85: Filthy Rich.Daring Do flared her wings and flew away, leaving Deadpool and Reggie behind. "Wait!" Deadpool yelled "You my Treasuh! Remember?" Loud blaring was heard in the plane. WHAT'S GOING ON!?!?!? We don't have fuel! We're going down! "Where's the parachute!?" Deadpool hastily looked in his cockpit, but looked up, seeing Reggie had a parachute on him. Before anything could be said, Reggie jumped off and fell down a bit, but his parachute came, letting the snake fall safely. "YOU B*****D!!!" He looked down and pulled out a raft. A RAFT!? We're not sinking! WE'RE CRASHING!!! Deadpool jumped out of the plane, activating the raft for him to fall a bit safely down, as the plane crashed into the side of a mountain! He held onto the raft, as gravity took over, sending the raft down a steep hill, passing the snow, rocks, and forest, all the way into a lake, where he was gently drifted away, heading towards who knows where. "Oh well! Time to make the best out of it." He pulled out his phone and scrolled the internet, and began to read 'Deadpool in Equestria'. Wait... WHAT!?!?!? HOW ARE YOU-? Alright... after that... nonsense. Deadpool found himself back near Ponyville, seeing the house of a particular brat. "Oh yeah! I wonder how much Bronies will pay me to make short work of Diamond Tiara? Hm... Nah! KICK THE BRAT!!!" He teleported right into the backyard, where Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were busy tanning themselves with butlers & maids fanning them while serving lemonade. Diamond looked up and saw Deadpool in a ball position, heading into her pool. "What the-!?" Diamond yelled "CANONBALL!!! Sorry, but. no. The pool was emptied of all it's water, and Diamond Tiara, Silver spoon, the butlers & maids, the house & all it's surroundings were now just soaking with water. "Was that... Deadpool?" Silver Spoon asked "Who else but Deadpool!" Diamond snapped. She stood up from her chair and walked to edge of her now empty pool, seeing Deadpool flop around like fish while making gasping noise. "Water!" Deadpool yelled, still acting like a fish "I need water!" "Get out of my pool!" "Please... Water!!!" "I said GET OUT!!!" "Water!!!" "OUT!!!" "WATER!!!" "DO I HAVE TO-" "Hold it right there, Diamond!" a western sounding male voice spoke. Deadpool stopped flopping and looked up: also standing near the edge was a middle aged looking light brown earth pony with a black & grey mane, who wore a red tie, a white & blue collar, and on said tie was a dollar sign, matching his cutie mark of three identifiable bags with money labels on them. "But dad! Don't you see what he's doing!?" "Yes Diamond, I do. But I forgive him; losing you would be much more painful rather than losing the pool, and I'm thankful that he saved you and your friend before anything bad can happen." He actually cares about her!? Pfft! White people! Deadpool yelled. Diamond and her father looked down at Deadpool. "Pardon my daughter, good sir," Diamond's father spoke, being patient as patient can be. "but I've never had the chance to meet you face to face before. As you've heard, I am thankful my daughter is safe, and I would like to repay you. The name's-" Deadpool teleported right in front of him "Filthy Mother f***ing Rich!!!" Deadpool interrupted. Filthy's pupils shrunk at that comment. He cleared his throat and adjusted his tie. "I'm not sure about that middle, but yes, that's my name. And please, I prefer 'Rich'." He extended his hoof in a gentleman way. Deadpool accepted it and shook his hoof. "Name's Deadpool, in case your... sweet angel... forgot to tell you about me." Hopefully, he'll forget her soon! That's... kinda dark. "No need for her to tell me," Filthy responded "I've heard a bunch of things about you and all you've done. I thank you for saving my sweet daughter, and I wish to repay you for adding some more excitement in our lives with saving our flanks multiple times. Let me get it ready for you, in the mean time, DIAMOND!!!" "Yes Daddy?" Diamond asked "Take Mr.Deadpool inside and wait with him. If he requests something, please, serve him." "But Daddy-!" "Don't 'But Daddy' Me! Silver Spoon can help you out if you want, right Silver!?" "Yes Mr. Rich!" Silver replied, getting off her chair. "Alright. All of you have fun while I make sure his gift is ready." Filthy left them, heading towards where Deadpool's gift was at. Deadpool smiled evilly under his mask. Are we going to football kick them!? I'm thinking something more torturous. "Ugh... come on." Diamond spoke. The three walked inside Diamond's home: it really was a complete mansion! A painting of who must've been the first of the riches hung over a fireplace, a kitchen with the most healthiest of foods were in there, a whole T.V. set that looked similar to Squidward's T.V. in that 'imagination' episode, and, a fresh, white couch was in the middle. 2:27-5:00 Filthy Rich entered the room, stopping as Deadpool crawled over to his feet. "Ma legs!!!" Deadpool yelled "Now I can't do my bada** things anymore!" "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?!?!?" Filthy Rich yelled "He grinded his dirty feet on our couch!!!" Diamond yelled "And that gave you both the right to break his legs!?" "...It was mostly her." Silver Spoon pointed. "SILVER!!!" Diamond yelled "Hey! I would be fine just pushing him off, but breaking his legs, that's too far, even for you." "Ya'll... evil... mother f***ers!" Deadpool yelled doing his best Rick James voice "F**k yo couch!" "Hey!" Diamond yelled "You have that healing thing of yours! USE IT!!!" "Is that true?" Filthy asked. "... Fine." Deadpool broke his legs back into place, then got up and walked around again. "Ya happy!?" "... strange. Well come along, I gotta show you my gift to you!" "But what about the couch!?" Diamond whined "We're getting a new couch, Diamond. We never sat on that thing for over 6 months!" "...You really did need a new couch!" Silver Spoon commented. The two approached what looked like a regular house, just a few blocks north from Ponyville. "Well?" Filthy asked "How do you feel!?" "...What is it?" Deadpool asked "It's your new home! Hearing how you've been sleeping with everyone as a stranger, I figured it's time you got yourself a new home right near our little town! It's got all you need: kitchen, bathroom, washroom, personal bedroom, living room, dining room, and closets. How do you feel about it?" "...Let's check and see!" Deadpool opened the door and saw, though empty, it was like any other house in Ponyville. He fell to the floor and rubbed himself all over the carpet. "Oh yeah! The new house smell! So... good!" "Do you need a tour of the place?" "Nah... I'm good." "Well... if there's anything you need, I'm here!" "Yeah... that sounds good... wait... I do have one thing." "And that is?" Deadpool lazily took out his cellphone. "A Selfie to remember this." "... Oh! Those pictures with everypony around here! Sure." Filthy walked over to Deadpool, but stood there awkwardly for a few moments. "Is it alright if you get up?" "Sorry... too good of a smell to pass up. Lie down with me." "Um... that wouldn't be too... professional of me... Deadpool." "Oh come one... it's alright! Nopony's going to find out." "Um... if you say so." Filthy fell to the floor and adjusted himself to his back. He, being grown and professional about his life, felt this was weird, but he had to agree with Deadpool, the new carpet smell was great. "Say 'Business'." "...Business." The picture was taken. Filthy rolled himself back up to his feet. "Well... so long Mr. Deadpool. I'm sure you have bits to get some nice stuff here." "Oh I don't need bits." "... If you say so." He walked away from Deadpool's home. Deadpool lazily got up. "Alright house... prepared to be Pool-ified!" "With my help!?" Discord asked, appearing next to him in a puff of smoke "Oh yes! You got that picture!?" "Sure did! Great blackmail to use on him if he decides to take back this new home of yours!" "Home!? Nah bro, this is my crib! Just wait until tonight! You gave the invitation papers out?" "The rest are already on that." "Good! Let's pimp this place up! HIT IT!!!" The two got to work, making the place look even more epic! Author's Note Most of you thought this at first, I can tell: Who should Deadpool meet next at the party that night? Read my blogs! Pony # 86: Starlight Glimmer.Author's Note To understand what Deadpool is saying, read his review here! http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/465971/deadpool-reviews-the-mlp-season-5-premiere-the-cuite-map-2-parter Who should Deadpool meet next? Read my blogs! Pony # 86: Starlight Glimmer. It was late at night, and Deadpool's house was finished with ponies inside partying to the loud music. Despite looking like a regular house, with the help of Discord and the taco squad, the house was much bigger inside, nearly mansion size. Most of the ponies he took a Selfie with were inside, partying and making small talk with each other, while everyone's favorite merc was busy doing his super crazy dance moves, ranging from the worm, to the robot, the E.T., the d**k slang, the daggering (on Flash Sentry, who was trying to ask Twilight for a dance) and the Surra de Bunda (on Blue blood, but requested by Rarity, who was annoying her for a dance & to go for someplace... fancier). The place was going so well, until the door was knocked again. "I'll go check that out!" Pinkie announced "Go ahead!" Deadpool yelled, still doing the daggering on Flash Sentry AND the Surra de Bunda on Blueblood at the same time. "This just feels wrong." Flash commented to himself, blushing heavily. "I'm *HHMF!* being *HHMF!* Violated!!! *HHMF!*" Blue blood whined. Pinkie opened the door and screamed loudly. Everyone stopped partying and turned to the front door. Pinkie's cutie mark of balloons were now gone, but instead, a black equal mark, and the mare herself was now shades darker. "Starlight's here." Pinkie spoke before falling to the floor. Walking over her, holding a jar that now had Pinkie cutie mark, was- "REUSES ARIA BLAZE!!!" Deadpool yelled "She does look like Aria!" Sonata added "Hay Aria! Is Adagio with you!?" "What!? NO! I'm Starlight Glimmer!!!" She yelled "... Good name Aria! Really good, especially how you're hiding your cutiemark!!!" "I am Starlight Glimmer! I'm no 'Aria Blaze'!" "Oh yeah!? Proof!" Starlight's horn glowed and, in a few moments, Sonata's cutie mark came right off and entered the same jar that help Pinkie's. Her coat turned dark, and an equal cutie mark appeared. Sonata fell to the floor, now weakened. "I guess that's good enough." "That's right! All of you! Surrender to me now and live in perfect harmony! Your talents will be taken away, and you'll be just as good as the pony standing next to you! Soon, you'll see how great it is to live as a unified country where everyone's an equal to each other!!!" Silence fell among them. "You're seriously attacking all of us now?" Twilight asked "TWILIGHT!!! I knew you were here! Now I shall have my revenge and-" "Trixie thinks not!" The crowd gasped as, right behind Starlight, was the mare herself with Sethisto "Trixie was Twilight's rival before you came along, and Trixie is keeping that title to herself! You can learn from Trixie's mistake on getting revenge and move on with you life! Trixie already has, right, Sethisto?" "I love you Trixie!" Sethisto yelled with derp eyes. "Ha! That's because you failed, weakling!" Starlight's horn glowed and a bolt was fired at the showmare. In slow-motion, Sethisto pushed Trixie out of the way, taking all the damage as his cutie mark was removed. He fell to the floor, weak now. Trixie ran to Sethisto's side and carried his upper body & head with her hooves. "Sethisto!" She screamed. Sethisto coughed and looked to her. "Did... I do good?" he asked "You did! You did more than good!" "...Good." "Enough of this!" Sunset Shimmer yelled, walking to her Starlight's face "Just what gives you the right to turn everyone into a zombie and fight for you!" "Isn't it simple?" Starlight returned "Everypony with a different talent looks down at others who don't share the same talent as well. I am what brings everyone together to live in perfect harmony! It is my destiny to make everyone equal, with the added bonus of me being, not only it's princess, but a queen as well!" "You really think like that!? Then you are going to fail!" "Says who!?" "Says History! I've learned that first hand... or... hoof, by my new friend, Twilight Sparkle, and, thanks to Deadpool, I am now back in Equestria, ready to defend everyone I know & love from the likes of you!" "Is that so!? Well then... you'll soon love becoming equal, whether you like it or not!" *CRASH!!!* Everyone turned and saw Deadpool broke all the jars with a single hammer in his hands. "Seriosuly?" Deadpool asked "I can understand holding the Mane 6's cutie marks in jars and escaping with them, but with multiple jars!? You've got to be the stupidest villain this show has, up there with King Sombra! ... No offense." "None taken." Sombra spoke in the crowd. Deadpool teleported right in front of Starlight Glimmer, took the jar away from her, and broke it with a super small hammer, breaking the jar, making all the cutie marks go back to their original owners. "Oh look at that! It's like the ending of that super s***ty Scooby Doo movie!" "What the-!?" Starlight yelled "How'd you- I thought this would work!" "From the words of Party Favor... one you must've used on yourself... " "... How did that happen?" "MrAquino. Anyways, your plan sucked a lot, and please, tell us... how did you get YOUR cutie mark?" Starlight stared into space. Just by the way she stared, Someone on the interent found a fanmade picture of this, put on the captions 'horrible memories intensifies', and made the screen shake, showing how intense it is. But... for now, we'll just play this as she stares into space. Deadpool quickly took a Selfie with the deep space staring unicorn, mocking Party favor's overused "But I didn't listen!" face. She still didn't move at all. She was as stiff as a rock. Deadpool quickly threw her out of a window, falling face first into a trash can, but still, she didn't budge at all. Everyone stared at Deadpool. "...♫This is how we do it!!!♫" Deadpool yelled. Vinyl quickly went to the DJ Booth and played a famous song made my Montell Jordan and used for the final dance scene in Saints Row 4. Our first Cyborg. Pony # 88: Blackjack "WHAT THE F**K WAS THAT!?!?!? Deadpool yelled, getting up from his bed. He was in his room, back in his house, with the corpse of Justin Beiber with in him, holding his stinking, gay, d*****bag corpse. He looked down at his bed and he found out that he- "MOTHER F**KER!!! P***ED MYSELF!!!" He got up from his bed, taking off his pants & underwear as, to keep a teen rating, he immediately put on a fresh pair of underwear. He did what would be a regular morning routine: he mashed his clothes in his laundry room, took a shower while humming & singing 'I'm Waling on Sunshine', putting on fresh clothes, and eating breakfast... LEVI STYLE!!! As Deadpool enjoyed his Vodka and toast, a familiar groaning was heard, followed by some various thumps. Falling and rooling to his table was Littlepip, who groggily opened her while opening her tired eyes. "What happened last night?" Littlepip asked "Good morning Littlepip!" Deadpool spoke "I think you became so drunk & tired, you slept through an entire day." "...I did? Well... what happened during my whole day of sleeping?" "Some friends and I killed Justin Beiber!" "...Justin Beiber? Who is he?" The roof cracked, and the corpse of the Canadian gay man-woman d*****bag fell right on top of the table! "That's Justin Beiber!" Littlepip's eyes widened "Shouldn't... you hid it?" "Oh yeah! Starlight is getting lonely." He picked up the corpse and threw it out the same window, as JB's body landed next to the trashcan where, the 2nd Evil Twilight Sparkle knockoff, still remained a statue with her eyes widened, still remembering what may be considered a dreaded past... or until the show continues! "Are you going to be like that with everypony that's considered 'evil'?" "Nah! Just the d*****bags." "... uh huh." A clang was heard right behind, and the two turned around. Standing where Deadpool sat with his breakfast, was another pony, drinking Deadpool's vodka. The pony looked like a more threatening robot than the R-Dash 5000, as it had wings that looked about as sharp as knives, had many cuts on it that looked like this pony was in combat, a small metal horn, and glowing red eyes that looked similar to Kai Leng in Mass Effect 3. Though it looked metallic, the muzzle was actually a very light grey coat color with a red & black striped mane & tail. They realized that this pony was a cyborg! It finished Deadpool's bottle, letting out a satisfied sigh. "That hits the spot!" The Cyborg spoke to herself, then turning to Deadpool & littlepip. The two sides stared at each other for a bit, as the cyborg looked back at the bottle. "Was this yours?" "...Not anymore." Deadpool replied. Littlepip approached to the cyborg. "Hold on... Littlepip!? "You... know me?" Littlepip spoke, tilting her head to the side. "Who are you?" "Are you kidding me!?" Deadpool yelled "I know who this is!" "You've heard of me?" The cyborg asked "Hell ya! You're Cable as an Alicorn!" "Cable!?" The ponies yelled "Yeah! You're a cyborg, from the future, and look: A tiny horn! I guess it's like your-" "Don't make fun of my horn!" the cyborg growled "I'm not making fun of it." Deadpool pinched the cyborg's tiny horn "It's just so cute! Look at it! I believe Asians everywhere will be like-" The cyborg's horn glowed white and a blast came out, blasting a clean hole in Deadpool's skull! Deadpool fell to the floor, making a puddle on the floor! "Told you not to make fun of it, mother bucker!" Littlepip stared at the Cyborg with her eyes wide open & her pupils as small as they could be. "I won't make fun of your horn." Littlepip commented "And you never did, Littlepip." "How do you know me!? Are you really from my time? I wouldn't be surprised if you heard me from the radio. Unless... ASSASSIN!!!" Littlepip pulled her Little Macintosh out and aimed it at the Cyborg. "WHOAH! Easy there! Littlepip, how can you not remember me? It's me, Blackjack, remember?" The cyborg walked to her, but Littlepip aimed closer, causing Blackjack to stop in her steps. "Blackjack? I have no memory of that name at all! Did the overmare send you to kill me!?" "WHAT!? NO!!! Don't you remember? That adventure we had together? We both wanted to make the wastelands a better place for everyone? Or... what we did that night together?" "I... don't know what you're talking about!" Littlepip lowered her gun a bit, and Blackjack grabbed Littlepip, as her front hooves turned into hands and she stood look a bipedal. "Perhaps you'll remember this." Blackjack laid her lips on Littlepip and the two kissed! Littlepip's eyes opened wide and her pupils expanded, as she saw the past that she made herself forget on purpose! The kiss lasted for a few seconds, and Blackjack pulled her head back, and Littlepip gasped at seeing how she had changed! "Blackjack! W-what happened to you!? You're... a full cyborg Alicorn!" "Ah... now you remember." "I do now, but... what happened to you!? You were a unicorn and now.. you're this!" "I had to get upgraded, Littlepip. Some pony named Lighthooves converted himself and his followers into cyborgs, and I could only defeat them by converting myself into one." Littlepip raised a hoof and touched Blackjack's face. It was cold to the touch, and she looked at Blackjack's body. "How... does it feel?" "I really can't feel anything on my skin anymore." "Not even here?" Littlepip booped Blackjack's muzzle. Blackjack scrunched a bit, then looked back at Littlepip. "Alright, I feel there." "Do you... miss your old self?" "My old self? Kinda... I was fine with these legs & hooves, but now being this... abomination? I really do miss being back as my old self." "How did you get here?" "Here? The door was open and I needed a place to sleep in." "No, I meant... how did you come HERE!?" "...And where is here?" "Equestria. More specifically, the past." "Wait... this is the past!?" "It is." "... Mother of Celestia! Do you know what this means!?" "I already know, Blackjack. We can-" "I CAN HAVE ALL THE BOOZE IN THE WOLRD!!!" "...also that. Strange... Deadpool's been silent." "Deadpool?" "The human you made a hole in after he touched you horn." "Him!? Well... yeah he's silent; He's dead!" "Actually, he can regenerate quickly and replace all organs almost instantly." "...Really!?" "Yes. I've seen him do it a couple of times... though they were really shown by his friends. Where is h- OH! There he is!" Blackjack turned around and saw Deadpool with his taco squad. "...What is he doing?" "You two are such a lovely couple," Deadpool spoke finally "So we hope you love this song from a famous duo!" "Can't forget the helmets!" Discord spoke, snapping his claw hand! Pinkie and Discord both now wore the helmets of Daft Punk (Pinkie wearing the Gold while Discord the other). The music began to play "♫Like the legend of the Phoenix,♫" Sonata sang "♫All ends with beginnings. What keeps the planets spinning, the force from the beginning.♫" "♫We've... come too far... to give up... who we are,♫" all of the Taco Squad sang along "♫So let's raise the bar, and our cups, to the stars! We're up all night till the sun, I'm up all night to get some. We're up all night for good fun, I'm up all night to get lucky. We're up all night till the sun, We're up all night to get some. We're up all night for good fun. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky.♫" "♫The present has no ribbon, Your gift keeps on giving. What is this I'm feeling?If you want to leave, I'm with it.♫" "♫We've... come too far... to give up... who we are, So let's raise the bar, and our cups, to the stars! We're up all night till the sun, I'm up all night to get some. We're up all night for good fun, I'm up all night to get lucky. We're up all night till the sun, We're up all night to get some. We're up all night for good fun. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky♫" Blackjack's eyes went from her harsh red eyes, turning into a cool blue color, and out her mouth, she began to sing as well. Littlepip began to dance with her, both doing a robot dance with each other. "♫We're up all night to get.♫" Blackjack sang "♫ We're up all night to get... We're up all night to get... We're up all night to get... We're up all night to get... We're up all night (let's get back again) We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get luck. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky.♫" "♫We've... come too far... to give up... who we are, So let's raise the bar, and our cups, to the stars! We're up all night till the sun, I'm up all night to get some. We're up all night for good fun, I'm up all night to get lucky. We're up all night till the sun, We're up all night to get some. We're up all night for good fun. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky♫" Everything went back to normal. "...What the hell just happened!?" Blackjack asked, regaining control. "That's something normal here!" Pinkie exclaimed "We just have fun!" Deadpool added "Trust me," Littlepip spoke "it's best to go with it." Blackjack stared at Littlepip. "I need to cut the drinking." Blackjack simply spoke. "Not yet!" Deadpool yelled. He teleported next to Blackjack with his cellphone out. "SAY TECHNOLOGIC!!!" "Technologic!?" Deadpool took the picture. She turned and saw Fluffle Puff clicking on some buttons on a remote, making Blackjack say stuff not under her control! Soon, Discord and Pinkie stood next to each other, still with their helmets, as they both played what may be a Bass or guitar, with Sonata controlling a creepy looking Baby/Chucky/Robot/Doll/Puppet thing. "Is she alright?" Littlepip asked. "I'm pretty sure she's going to hate Daft Punk now." Deadpool replied. Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next? As mentioned with the Littlepip chapter, I know very little about Fallout: Equestria. I read some things about Blackjack and how she knows Littlepip, but other than that, I know next to nothing about their adventures together. In case you don't know what Blackjack looks like, here: 3rd Wheel. Pony # 89, 90, and 91: Cheese Sandwich, Weird Al Yankovik, and AnimatedJamesBlackjack and Litlepip left Deadpool's house. Blackjack was still p***ed at Deadpool's friends making her sing like a robot, but was calmed down as Littlepip walked beside her. Deadpool, on the other hand, heard something familiar. Is that... Polka? Oh great! The virgins are here! "This isn't regular polka!" Deadpool announced "It's... WEIRD AL POLKA!!!" Running like a bat outta hell, Deadpool ran to the town center, where a crowd was gathered around two ponies. Both were male & earth ponies, but one was blue with a simple black mane & his cutie mark was the awesome face with a gun on it's head. The other was yellow-orange with a brown, Pinkie looking mane & tail, wearing a yellow collared shirt and his cutie mark was an accordion. Who are those two!? Well... the blue one is Animatedjames. ... I... don't remember him. He's the guy that made the Sonic vs. MLP videos. OH!!! What about the other? I would guess Cheese sandwich, but this one's an accordion, not, well, a cheese sandwich. Hold on a minute. Are you saying that's- "Hello everypony!" The Cheese Sandwich pony announced "The name's Alfred Matthew Yankovic, but please, call me Weird Al." "And I'm just a random guy." Animated James spoke in his disinterested tone. "And I'm Deadpool!" Deadpool announced, appearing right next to the two wearing Polka gear. Before the two could say anything, Deadpool began to play the music. The following result was a cross between these two songs that are polka parodies of other various songs, as it switched between both Weird Al and Animated James, singing the respectful songs they made themselves. Well... he's certainly becoming lazy Yeah... almost as if he's- Don't say it. ILLUMINATI!!! "That was fun!" Deadpool yelled, jumping into the air like an idiot. "Deadpool!?" James yelled in surprise. "You're marvel, this is Hasbro, how are you here!?" "One word: Didney!" James stared into space, but, luckily for him, didn't go into a statue phase as Starlight Glimmer. "Oh." "Those were great polka skills!" Weird Al commented "Stop it!" Deadpool replied, blushing past his mask while waving his right hand like a woman. "I do wonder though: why aren't YOU a pony like us!?" "...Typical." James commented "Are any of the other guys here?" "Of course there is!" Deadpool spoke "Just look out there!" They both turned and saw Discord running away from KP. "Get away from me!" Discord yelled "NOTICE ME SENPAI!!!" KP yelled. "And over there." Deadpool spoke, pointing to Solrac standing next to Flufflepuff. "COCKADOODLEDOO!!!" solrac yelled, literally blowing Fluffle Puff away. "And over there." Sonata ran next to Pewdiepie and Markiplier, as Sibsy chased them with Mando right behind her. "DUCKY!!!" Sibsy yelled "That's not a duck!" Mando yelled "And-" Deadpool paused, seeing BlackGryph0n and Michelle Kreiber standing alone "Wait a minute... where's Pinkie!?" "Pinkie!?" Weird Al asked excitedly "Last time I saw her, she was with me." "WHAT!?" Both Deadpool and James asked "Well... not really me, but Cheese Sandwich." "Cheese sandwich is here!?" Deadpool yelled, picking the two up by their tails. "WE MUST SEE THE SHIP SAIL!!!" "The what!?" "It's a term used on the internet to describe two characters falling in love." James simply spoke. Deadpool ran like a bat outta hell, going to the park! After a few minutes of running, they stopped at a tree and found the two ponies together. Aw... young love. Yeah... let's imagine he's Flash Sentry. "We're not gonna kill him!" Deadpool yelled to himself. "And I totally doubt he'll try to kill Pinkie when she's turning into... rocks? Hey James! Do you plan on making Maud sing-" "OH HELL NO!!!" James interrupted "I'm tired of that stupid song!" "... Your loss!" "'Ello!" Pinkie and Cheese Sandwich greeted themselves, appearing right behind Deadpool and causing the two other to jump back a bit. "Hold on," Pinkie spoke "Who's that!?" "I have no idea!" Cheese replied. He walked to Weird Al and looked at his other face to face. "Are you... my brother!?" "I wish!" Weird Al replied. "Name's Weird Al!" Weird Al extended his hoof to Cheese "...Cheese Sandwich." Cheese shook Weird Al's Hoof. The two locked and shooked. "And no one cares about me." James commented. Pinkie gasped and appeared right behind him. "OH-MY-GOSH!!!" Pinkie yelled "Oh please! All but her!" "Hey James," Deadpool spoke with a low growl "that Mr.Cake cosplayer." James's pupils shrunk and he shivered, then awkwardly smiled as Pinkie approached next to him. "So... you enjoy polka?" Cheese sandwich asked "I LOVE Polka!!!" Weird Al replied "You enjoy Cheese Sandwiches!?" "I LOVE it times ten!!!" "SELFIE!!!" Deadpool yelled. On instinct, Pinkie grabbed James and threw him in the sky as the Half brother jumped in the air as well as Deadpool took the Selfie with them! James feel to the floor, but got up, wiping himself off. Pinkie approached to him. "Here," she spoke "let me help you!" She just tapped James on the cheek were a certain Mr.Cake Cosplayer punched, and James fell to the floor instantly, Knocked out! "And Remember Kids," Deadpool spoke in an announcer's voice "No one wants to be a Squidward!" Author's Note WEIRD AL YANKOVIC!!! One of my personal Man crushes... next to Chris Hemsworth and Robert Downey Junior. I love you avengers! Check out Animated Jame's Channel And, like a lot of bronies, I have a haunch that both Pinkie and Cheese will be a couple. If you don't get Didney, it's Disney, but the real fact was that Disney was going to purchase Hasbro. The more you know! Oh! And I finally learned the Word thing Who should Deadpool meet next? I guess humans are now available. Human #2: Gilgamesh (From "The Mighty Warrior of Epicness")Pinkie, Cheese Sandwich, and Weird Al took Animatedjames to the hospital, and the Merc traveled around town. Who knows, he may take a Selfie with a pony that he has yet to meet that has been there since Season 1... like Big Mac! We really do need to make a list on who we need to meet. F**k that! We go as we please! Are you sure? We may encounter something... weirder than usual. Like what? "AHOY THERE!!!" A voice yelled from above. Deadpool looked up and saw what was another human! He was in what was a red-orange suit of armor with a matching cape, balancing on what was an ornate blade on a staff on a branch of a tree. "What... the f**k... are you?" Deadpool asked. The other human jumped off with his weapon, placing it on the floor. He stood at least three feet taller than everyone's favorite Mercenary. "You've never heard of me?" He replied "Oh... shame, cause everypony knows me!" "...Everypony knows you?" "Oh yes! They use to know me! Oi! Twilight! Still looking for me!?" The two saw the purple Alicorn, who just stared at the two. Her right eye twitched and she fell to the floor, fainted at the sight of another human here in Equestria. "I'm not sure if she does remember you." "Oh please! Celestia should, after all, I broke out a few moments after Discord broke free!" Deadpool stared at the other human for a few moments. "Who are you, exactly?" "Why, my other human friend, I am the best warrior of all time! I live for the heart of battle, and I will gladly take on any challenger, no matter how young or old, stupid or smart, experienced or not! I... AM... GILGAMESH!!!" Silence fell between the two, and a tumbleweed passed by. "Great... still with that Tumbleweed!" "Gilgamesh... why does that sound familiar?" Probably because it reminds us so much of MrAquino's other story? NAH!!! Look at his library! How about both? "WHAT THE F**K!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled "Gilgamesh!!!" The other human replied, waving his fingers as if he were psychic. Deadpool pulled out his cellphone and- HEY!!! DON'T LOOK AT THAT STUFF!!! "Huh... that's interesting." Deadpool commented, reading Gilgamesh's background "I know!" Gilgamesh replied "So you battled her and did all that!" "Hell yeah!" "Damn!!! Quite impressive... quite impressive." "But of course, I do have to thank my friends for those adventures!" "Like Nemesis?" "You know him!?" "Know him? N***a! I fought him before!!! He's a little b***h against me!" Gilgamesh got up and snorted through his nose! "What'd you say he is!?" Deadpool got up and tiptoed to Gilgamesh's face. "He's... a... little... b***h." The two stared with each other, as fire was in their eyes. "Who do you think you are? Spider-Man!?" "No! I'm-" Deadpool's Taco squad came right behind him with explosions happening right behind him! "THAT'S NO FAIR!!!" Gilgamesh yelled "You get an intro song and all I get is a stupid tumbleweed!!!" "SUCK IT!!!" Deadpool replied, doing a hump around his hands around his nuts! Gilgamesh punched Deadpool straight across his face! The punch was somewhere between Maud's Punch and Tirek's punch, so, either way, it hurts like hell! "LASER EYE!!!" Gilgamesh fired a pair of lasers from his eyes that burned Deadpool! Not wanting to quit, he fired a larger blast, burning Deadpool to a crisp! Deadpool's body was now very dark and crispy, and it stood there. "OH S**T!!! I killed someone!!!" Gilgamesh turned around and began to run away. He stopped when some cracking was heard, and then turned around, seeing Deadpool get out of the crispy shell of himself, showing a fleshy body that, along with his costume, began to heal itself! "What The-!?" "MY TURN!!!" Turn Deathstroke into Deadpool Gilgamesh fell to the floor, feeling a large deal of pain in his chest! He pulled out Deadpool's sword out, as his body began to heal his wounds. "What the hell!?" Gilgamesh yelled "I thought I killed you!" "Oh come on," Deadpool replied "You've killed animals before!" "Only for food! You've killed other things that were once sentient!" "Alright, 3 Reasons: 1) They're D*****bags that deserved to be killed. 2) I haven't killed most of the d*****bags yet. And 3) The head of Tirek is still alive for some unknown reason, Starlight Glimmer is still a statue, and I'm sure I did a solid for both worlds with those awesome, over the top killings on Justin 'Anti-Christ' Beiber." "I'll give you the last one!" "And you heal rapidly too!? Hard hitter and a fast healing? Looks like I got most from this challenge." "You're... asking for a duel!?!?!?" "F**K YEAH!!!" Deadpool pulled out another sword and got into a fighting position! "FINALLY!!! A duel!!! We need some music playing!" "Agreed! Yo!!! MrAquino!!!" The two circled each other. "Dubstep, eh?" "Yeah... let's try to make the beat match with our fighting." "Wanna try no weapons? "... Sure." They both dropped their weapons and went into a fighting position circling each other. When the words 'Fight!' came in, they both charged at each other! While Gigamesh began to throw his punches, Deadpool dodged them easily, punching him in the gut! Gil grabbed DP's head and began to release a few punches at his face! Deadpool teleported out and, grabbed the back of his head, slamming Gil to the floor! "RKO OUTTA NOWHERE!!!" Deadpool Yelled! "Shoryuken!!!" Gil yelled, delivering the punch from street fighter! DP was thrown into the air a bit, where Gil charged up a punch so powerful, DP was sent through an Injustice stage transition. Not really sure how, but Deadpool crashed into his home where a Cake was in the middle (most likely Pinkie Pie's doing), where the cake broke, revealing a party canon inside! Pinkie unknowingly fires the canon, sending Deadpool away as he was fired to Canterlot! Something like this. Deadpool landed in the streets of Canterlot, and Gilgamesh appeared right in front of him, exiting a portal that he must've made with his weapon! "Had enough?" He asked "F**K NO!!!" Deadpool yelled, getting up. "YO! Stage Transition!" A truck with the same chemicals that blinded Daredevil appeared right behind Gilgamesh. Gilgamesh slid across the rooftop, getting up and cracking his bones. Deadpool teleported right behind him! "Had Enough!?" Deadpool asked, mimicking Gilgamesh's voice "...That's it!" Gilgamesh yelled "Weapons are now on!" "Oh boy! Time to test my swords out!" Deadpool pulled out his twin Katanas! Gilgamesh swung his spear around, as he was ready to duke it out! "Hit it!" The two charged at each other with their weapons! Gilgamesh began to use his weapons as if it were a helicopter blade, but Deadpool swung his swords and stopped his opponent's weapon! DP head-butted Gilgamesh, causing him to be stunned. Deadpool began to charge at him, but slid under him, pulling two guns out, and fired at Gilgamesh's... balls. Gilgamesh fell to the floor, holding his lower belt area, wheezing in pain! "Like any man or weird She-Male thing, the lower area is always the weakness, especially when shot at! Say hello to the world, Fred!!!" In so much pain, Gilgamesh must've followed everything Deadpool said, as he did this with Deadpool as everyone inflicting so much pain on him, though 'Dog' was a certain Minotaur we know. Gilgamesh was punched so hard, not only did he fly, but he went through yet ANOTHER stage transition! Deadpool landed next to Gilgamesh, who was coughing really hard! "Need a break?" Deadpool asked, offering the warrior some apple juice that had, on it's label, 'Appul Joose'. Gilgamesh looked up to Deadpool with rage in his eyes "No one... beats... GILGAMESH!!!" he replied Deadpool slowly, but steadily got up, healing with barely any sign of damage on him. "...Ow." DP simply said. "How are you still up!?" Gilgamesh yelled "Easy... I'm too awesome!" "Yeah right! Have you encountered some of the things I've gone through!? You're lucky by this point! I just haven't really wanted to kill you, but seriously injure you to the point of not wsalking! Now that you're still up & running like it's nothing, I'm going to have to put you down... permanently!" "HAMMER TIME!!!" "Oh hell naw!!! I know that Shao Kahn Bulls**t!!!" Deadpool got up and the two locked fists with each other. The two growled at each other, until music began to play. They both turned and saw Deadpool's Taco squad playing a famous Daft Punk Song. Sonata repeated the 'You are Face to Face now." The two tapped their foot at the same time and began to dance together. "♫What's going on?♫" They both sang "♫Could this be my understanding? It's not your fault, I was being too demanding. I must admit it's my pride that made me distant, all because I hoped that you'd be someone different. There's not much I know about you, fear will always make you blind. But the answer is in clear view, it's amazing what you'll find face to face!♫" They both danced for a few moments, then continued."♫I turned away because I thought you were the problem! Tried to forget... until I hit the bottom. But when I faced you in my blank confusion, I realized you weren't wrong, it was a mere illusion! It really didn't make sense, just to leave this unresolved. It's not hard to go the distance when you finally get involved face to face!!!♫" More dancing followed by the two, who started to begin to laugh with each other! "♫It really didn't make sense, just to leave this unresolved. It's not hard to go the distance when you finally get involved face to face!!!♫" The two looked to each other. "Look," Deadpool spoke "I'm... sorry for making fun of your friend back there." "No no," Gilgamesh spoke "I'm sorry for attacking first. I broke my code on only waiting for people to challenge me first, never the opposite!" "Truce?" Deadpool asked, holding his hand out. "Truce." Gilgamesh reached his hand out and shook it. Author's Note I apologize if I didn't follow the character very well. A lot's been going on since my parent's became divorce YO MAMA!!! Pony #92: Brody (From Yo Mama!)Gilgamesh left back to his world in the Final Fantasy universe, still waiting to be in Kingdom Hearts, but was now an honorary member of the Taco Squad. Deadpool, realizing how he was now in Manehatten, travelled into the city, but stopped as he heard a familiar theme song. The theme to 'YO MAMA'!?!?!? Possibly... or it could be a new song Vinyl made. "Only one way to find out!" Deadpool spoke to himself. He teleported over to where a stage was present, almost like Trixie's, but there was plenty of Energy drinks, Doritos looking chips, and other stuff that would make a true C.o.Doody fan happy. Right on stage was an earth pony stallion that looked really familiar with Bulk Biceps/ Snowflake, with a tan colored coat, a yellow mane & tail, a pink folded shirt, and a can of a 'Four' energy drink. "LE'TS GET IT ON!!!" The D*****bag looking pony yelled in a voice WAY TOO familiar to Kronk. from a certain Disney movie. "Do any of you got what it takes to make the best 'Yo mama' joke!?" AHA!!! IT IS BRODY!!! But... he's not a brony... is he? "We got Pewdiepie & Marzia, Markiplier, Dan... do I need to say more? For all we will know, we may get Ghost from Radio Graffiti. Now we're going to get requests for him! IT'LL BE LIKE WOLVERINE MINUS THE PAIN AND MORE SWEARING!!! "Who can go against me!?" Brody yelled "I WILL!!!" Deadpool yelled from above! Everyone gasped when Deadpool appeared right in front of Brony, wearing the exact attire Brody was wearing. "Deadpool!?" "Brody!!!" "This is a battle that will go down in history!!!" "It will!!! BEGIN!!!" "Alright... Wade... let's see who goes down first!" "The pleasure's all yours!" "Ahem... Yo mama's so FAT: Galactus yelled 'DAMN!!! I CAN'T EAT THAT!!!'" "Oh yeah! Yo mama's so FAT: Celestia banished Luna to her A**!!!" "Yo mama's so UGLY,Swamp Thing won Miss Universe thanks to her!!!" "Yo mama's so STUPID, She makes Snips and Snails smarter!!!" "Yo mama's so hairy, Sabertooth was jealous!!!" "Yo mama's so ugly Her Cutie mark has a bag over it!!!" "Yo mama's so ugly, Mystique lost her disguise when she saw her!!!" "Yo mama's so ugly, She made Fluttershy cry!!!" "Yo mama's so Stupid, She thought the wrecking crew was Miley Cirrus's crew in 'Wrecking Ball'!!!" "Yo mama's so OLD, she witnessed the birth Celestia & Luna!!!" "Yo mama's so old, Not even the watchers know her age!" "Yo mama's so fat, Dashie couldn't fly around her in 10 seconds flat!!!" "Yo mama's so ugly, She made the thing S**t bricks!!!" "Yo mama's so poor, She sold her cutie mark to the Cutie mark Crusaders!!!" "Yo mama's so Ugly, She's the reason Daredevil's blind!!!" "Yo mama's so old, Granny Smith yelled 'DAMN!!!'" "Yo mama's so Short, Breezies thought she was a bug!!!" "Yo mama's so stupid, She though Iron Man was a Butler's title!" "Yo mama's so ugly, Not even G3 Ponies want to be around her!!!" "Yo mama's so fat, Not even the Hulk can lift her!!!" "Yo mama's so old, she was with Starswirl when he was in Kindergarten!!!" "... Yo mama's so ugly, She made you!!!" Deadpool and the crowd gasped! Brody smiled as if to say 'Yeah, I won!'. "That's it! This battle's been going on for far too long!!! Time for the ultimate one!!!" Deadpool Spoke. He took a deep breath and released a Yo mama joke so powerful, everyone, including Brody, had their mouths wide open in shock!!! Deadpool stared at the crowd for a bit. Deadpool had an awful, evil smile under his mask that'd rival the Grinch's, as he quickly took a Selfie with Brody (giving him the middle finger) and ran away! Brody snapped out of his phase and began to chase after Deadpool! Unfortunately, Deadpool didn't chose the thug life, but the thug life chose him, as he ran away with a famous song with lyrics that NSFW Author's Note Brody design based off of this video (couldn't find picture) Got any Yo Mama jokes for MLP and/or Marvel? Who should Deadpool meet next? I'm in love with the- Pony #93 & 94: Coco Pomell and Suri PolomareDeadpool turned the corner and ran into a nearby store, leaning against the door in case Brody followed him. Luckily, Brody wasn't too smart, and he continued to 'chase' Deadpool. "Is somepony there?" a familiar voice asked. Some clopping was heard and, from right behind the corner came a earth pony mare with a Light, amberish gray coat and with a Maud looking mane that was a light cyan with a light, opalish gray line in the middle of her mane. Her Cutie Mark strangely looked similar to a Pimp's hat, something 'A Pimp Named Slickback' would wear. Deadpool stared at her, and the pony stared at him. Oh S**T!!! Coco... Pomell! She's... so... ADORABLE!!! "Can I help you?" Coco asked timidly. Deadpool opened his mouth, but out came gibberish that Mr. Krabs said to Mrs. Puff in SpongeBob Squarepants. Coco stared at him awkwardly. "Are... you alright?" Deadpool fell to the floor, his body twitching uncontrollably! Coco screamed a bit and ran into the back! "Oh no!" She said to herself "Where's that Defib!?" In a few seconds of panicked search, she found her Defibrillator and ran back to where Deadpool supposedly died. She stopped, seeing Deadpool not only standing, but moving as well, as he had on a sideways cap, some baggy pants that hung below his knees, a white undershirt, some gold chains around his neck, and, all around him, Chocolate! Music began to play, and Coco stood, having more questions in her mind rather than answers. "♫I'm in love with the coco!♫" Deadpool sang, doing whatever dance was considered 'cool' these days "♫ I'm in love with the coco! I got it for the low, low! I'm in love with the coco! I'm in love with the coco! I'm in love with the coco! I got it for the low, low! I'm in love with the coco! Hit my plug, that's my c***o! Cause he got it for the low, low. If you snitchin' I go loco! Hit you with that treinta ocho! N****s thinkin' that I'm solo! Fifty deep, they like, 'oh, no!'. Heard the feds takin' photos; I know nothin', f**k the popo!!!♫" Deadpool pulled out some Baking Soda outta nowhere. "♫Bakin' soda, I got bakin' soda!!!♫" "... Baking Soda?" Coco commented, really unsure on what he's doing. "♫Bakin' soda, I got bakin' soda!!!♫" "What are you trying to achieve?" "♫Whip it through the glass, n***a! I'm blowin' money fast, n***a!!! I'm in love with the coco! I'm in love with the coco! I got it for the low, low! I'm in love with the coco! I'm in love with the coco! I'm in love with the coco! I got it for the low, low! I'm in love with the coco! Thirty six, that's a kilo! Need a brick, miss my free throw! I'm in love, just like Ne-Yo! Bustin' shots, now he Neo! Free my homies, f**k the C.O!!! F**k the judge, f**k my P.O! all this coke, like I'm Nino! Water whip, like I'm Nemo!!! Bakin' soda, I got bakin' soda!!!♫" "What does Baking Soda have to do with chocolate!?" "♫Bakin' soda, I got bakin' soda!!!♫" "MAKE SENSE!!!" "♫Whip it through the glass, n***a! I'm blowin' money fast, n***a!!! I'm in love with the coco! I'm in love with the coco! I got it for the low, low! I'm in love with the coco! I'm in love with the coco! I'm in love with the coco! I got it for the low, low! I'm in love with the coco!♫" The two sides stopped and stared at each other. "What was that about?" "My love for you, Coco Pomell!!!" "You... know me!?" "Yes Ma'am!" He teleported to her, carrying the pony in his arms "Name's Deadpool!" "DEADPOOL!?!?!?" "Eeyup! BELLY RUBS!!!" "Belly WHAT!?" Deadpool used his left arm and began to give a belly rub to Coco. Coco's expression went from pure fear to relaxation, as Deadpool himself chuckled, watching Coco's left hind leg adorably kick. "COCO!!!" A voice yelled. Deadpool stopped and Coco had a shock of fear in her face! Out from the corner, came out a pink pony with a purple mane & tail, a cream colored thing in her mane, and she wore a sky blue handkerchief. "Suri!!!" "Coco!!! Why is there chocolate everywhere!? And who the hay is that!?" "Suri Polomare!?" Deadpool yelled. He held Coco like many of us did with a puppy or kitten, having Coco's hind legs dangle in the air "You're still with this b***h!?" "I had to get a job!" Coco replied "I never imagine that I'd work with her again." "That's right!" Suri added "Now get back here or you're fired!!!" "Says who!?" Deadpool yelled in anger, gently dropping Coco on the floor. "Our boss!" "AND WHO THE F**K IS THAT!?!?!?" "His name is Johann Shmidt! Now, I say you get out or-" "Is there a problem?" A male Voice asked. from around the corner, came- "HOLY S**T!!!" Deadpool yelled "A HYDRA AGENT!!!" The agent tunred to Deadpool and backed up, hitting the wall! "DEADPOOL!?!?!?" He yelled in fear, then turned around, grabbing Suri in his arms and ran away "Attention all Hydra agents: Deadpool is here!!! Repeat, Deadpool is here!!!" Deadpool and Coco stared at the door the Hydra agent went through (leading to a nightclub next door), then turned to each other. "Your old boss is with Hydra?" Deadpool asked "I don't even know what this 'Hydra' is." Coco replied. "Hydra is a stereotypical Nazi group that got famous after Captain Puerto Rico's Winter Soldier." "...Winter Soldier?" "Awesome film! IGN gave it a 2 out of 10, 'Needed more Hydras.'." Deadpool walked to the door and pulled out a pistol. "What are you going to do?" "I'm the best at what I do, and I what I do, isn't very nice." Coco's pupils shrunk. "Ah, don't worry! I'll be fine! As for them, however-" Deadpool kicked the door and became the bad*ss we know him for! Due to the original clip taken off due to copyrights, you'll need to skip to 4:20... and no weed jokes intended!!! Also, image all enemies as Hydra Agents and Deadpool yells 'HEADSHOT!!!'. The last Hydra soldier ran to the exit, but Deadpool teleported in front of him. "What the-!?" The soldier yelled. Without any word, Deadpool kicked him in the balls!!! The soldier fell, wheezing hard. Deadpool pulled out another gun and placed it on his head. "Unless you want brans splattered everywhere," Deadpool spoke "Start talking! What is Hydra doing here!?" "...We're... gaining intel." "Intel, eh? What for!?" "Red Skull... sent us... for the... Masters of Evil!" "Master of Evil!? Those d*****bags that work together only for power!?" "...yes?" "S**t just got real. Where's your friend taking Suri!?" "To... her house!" "And where is that?" "I'll never tell!!!" "...We'll see!!!" He knocked out the agent with a hard b***h slap! Some static was heard, and Deadpool noticed a radio on the guy. Deadpool picked it up and listened "Are you there?" The hydra on the other side asked "...Yarp!" Deadpool replied "Is Deadpool taken care of?" "Yarp!" "And he's not getting up, right?" "... Narp?" "...Good. Proceed to the old castle." "... oh s**t!" Deadpool made it to the old castle of the royal sisters that night. Already, guards were everywhere, keeping a keen eye out for a trouble. And, if by Keen, as if having guys walk like clockwork toys, then yeah... keen fits in their description. "LIBERATION: RAMBO STYLE!!!" Deadpool yelled. All the guards were dead. Deadpool entered the abandoned castle, where Suri cowered in fear. "Deadpool!" She screamed, backing into a wall. "Listen! I had no idea they-" "SHADDUP!!!" Deadpool yelled, pulling a pistol out. "I'm here for some unfinished business." Suris' pupils shrunk, seeing a weapon he used to kill the other humans. "Please! You don't want to-" A Hydra soldier grabbed her. "HAIL HYDRA!!!" He yelled, holding a grenade to do a suicide "HAIL BULLET!!!" Deadpool yelled, firing a single round into the soldier's hand! The Hydra member dropped Suri and fell to the floor, screaming in pain. Suri only watched in horror on what Deadpool did to the lone Hydra soldier with the grenade. "And now," Deadpool spoke "Your turn." Suri backed away, cowering in fear. The doors opened and Coco ran in. "WAIT!!!" Coco yelled, running inside. She stopped at Deadpool's feet, taking deep breaths. "I know Suri isn't the best pony, but please, she's not evil!!!" "...Explain." Deadpool spoke. "Watch." Coco took off the weird head band thing Suri wore. Though it looked normal, inside were many wires. "BRAINWASHING!?!?!?" "Where am I!?" Suri asked, looking everywhere in fear. "W-what happened here!?" "How do you know this?" Deadpool asked Coco "Because I helped her." Out from the door, Luna came in. "MOONCHEEKS!!!" "Stop calling me that!!! Coco went to me to help find out what's wrong with Suri and why this... Hydra group is here. We investigated her home and found a lone Hydra soldier inside. I interrogated him and he told us everything. Now please, leave Suri alone." Deadpool turned to the frightened pony. "You're Lucky it was Hydra! If it weren't, you'd be dead!" "Please," Suri begged "I don't want any trouble! I've already dealt with Rarity, I don't need to die!" "And you'll live. For now, however, Selfie!!!" "Selfie!?" the two ponies asked. Deadpool slid to the two and took a Selfie with two confused looking ponies. "By the way, Coco... I love you!" Coco blushed. "You... love me?" She asked "Oh yes. Care to go home with me?" "... Is it alright, Luna?" "It is." Luna replied "Then yes! I do, Deadpool! Thank you for listening!" "No problem." He replied. Coco ran and hugged. Deadpool returned the hug, but looked back at Suri and gave her the finger! "Can I go home now?" Suri asked. Author's Note THE THIRD WAIFU IS DONE!!! And yes: At least 25 Hydra members were harmed in the making of this chapter. Who should Deadpool meet next? Made by him. Pony # 99: My Brother (Quinton)Deadpool struggled to open Sugar Belle's canister. We're gonna be rich! How rich? Stupid rich!!! "NO REFERANCES TO THOSE TURTLES!!!" Deadpool yelled. He opened it successfully and out came... real dough. Deadpool stared at it and his mind began to run what was happening. Did... did they rip us off LIKE THAT!?!?!? No, Dumb***!!! They don't know out 'dough' as cash, so Sugar Belle, their baker, had lots of literal dough and we took it! I saw this going down like the ending to 'Shutter Island'. Huh...I thought you said it was going to be like 'Devil'. "Enough films with endings that are predictable! Besides, the most predictable with the trailer that ruined it has got to be 'The Not-so-Amazing Hipster'!" "HATER!!!" A voice yelled right behind. Deadpool turned around and, right in front of him, was a small, green Pegasus stallion with a brown mane that looked similar to KingSpartaX37's design, having a golden bar for his cutie mark. "What di you just say!?" "I said you're a Hater! LIKE MY BROTHER!!!" "...Yo! MrAquino!" Read the 'Author's notes' below. "Fine! ... F**k. You're MrAquino's brother?" "Yes, I am! You are a hater, just like him!" "I'm not a hater! I'm stating the obvious!" "No! YOU'RE HATING ON WHAT I ENJOY AND YOU ARE A HATER!!!" "I AM NOT!!! The evidence is right in front of you!" "HATER!!!" "We see it in the Trailer! Abandoned to uncle & aunt, high school, find's father's bag, science area where he gets powers! Change, uses powers to get revenge! Pracitce! Finds out there's trouble that'll kill more people! Police captures and-" "HATER!!!" "Oh! I'm the hater! What about your feeling with Terminator Genysis!?" "THAT MOVIE'S GOING TO SUCK!!!" "But you're the hater, aren't you!?" "You're a bigger hater than me!" "I'm not a hater at all! I follow the crowd in most things!" "YOU'RE ALL HATERS!!!" "And what!? You didn't wish to listen to the reviews for I, Frankenstein!?" "I thought it was going to be good!" "And why-!?" "It looked good." "BULLS**T!!! You just wanted to watch it because it's 'from the creators of the underworld movies'!" "I LOVE THOSE MOVIES!!!" "They were awful! It's the same thing!" "HATER!!!" "SHUT UP!!! It's vampires with guns killing Werewolves and other vampires, some bulls**t drama about love, ending with a monologue about how vampires are better than werewolves!" "HATER!!!" "And don't get me started with both M.Night Shamaleon and Michel 'Boom' Bae!!! "HATER!!!" "You already know they suck! Admit it! ♫You little stupis a** b***h! I ain't f**king with you!!! ♫" "HATER!!!" Then... my brother coughed hard. You know when you cough so hard, some spit comes out all over the floor? Yeah... that's what happened. The spit landed on the floor, but it began to glow a bit. "...Do you have Ebola?" "...No. Why?" Deadpool sniffed the air! "That's the smell of Ebola!" The spit glowed a brighter light, followed by a blinding light! The two covered their eyes, and saw the spit rise from the floor! In one final blast, a figure came! "...What is that?" "A...Giant floating head... of Kevin Bacon... made from your Ebola." "AND EQUESTRIA'S MINE!!!" Kebola Bacon yelled. It floated right towards Ponyville, where it's eyes became red and it fired flaming pickles at the ponies below! The ponies below ran for their lives, as pickles destroyed their homes and other things! Kebola opened his mouth and, just like a machine gun, it fired flaming marshmallows, one, ironically, hitting Rarity in her mane. "Marshmallow's in manes!?" She yelled "This has to be the WORST POSSILBE THING!!!" She fell to the floor, landing on her couch. Deadpool and Quinton looked over the mountain, seeing the damage Kebola was doing. "For the record," Deadpool spoke "this is your fault." "It's your fault for being the hater!" Quinton responded "It's your fault for not following what the mass majority says!" "Oh! I'm 'sorry'! If everyone jumped off a cliff, would you!?" "...I'm Deadpool, Mother f**ker!" "F**K YOU!!!" "Let's deal with Kebola and go our separate ways afterwards!" "I agree!" Deadpool threw My brother an assault rifle. He caught in his front legs, and, balancing on his hind legs, the two walked to the attacked Ponyville where Kebola Bacon attacked. The ponies watched as Deadpool and Quinton walked to the bottom of the hill. "Whoever kills Kebola wins the argument." Deadpool simply spoke. "Deal." Quinton replied. They both aimed at Kebola, heading to the menace! Kebola turned around and fired at the town! Unbeknownst to it, Littlepip & Blackjack exited the bouquet they were both in, seeing the carnage going on! "Oh no!" Littlepip exclaimed "That monster's going to destroy the town!" "I know that!" Blackjack responded "If we don't stop him, he'll destroy the bar!" "We've got to stop him!" Littlepip pulled out her Little Macintosh and rushed to the battle! "Right behind ya!" Blackjack pulled out a bottle and chugged it! Feeling refreshed, she pulled her tactical shotgun out, flared her wings, and flew to the carnage! Sweetie Bot and The R-Dash 5000 fired some lasers at a falling piece of debris that would crush them! They saw Kebola wrecking in the distance, firing a pickle that knocked out Rainbow Dash as she flew away! "Oh hell no!" R-Dash 5000 yelled "No Kevin Bacon's gonna hurt my sweet Rainbow Dash! Setting targeting H.U.D. up!" "I agree." Sweetie Bot added "Need to protect Sweetie Belle! Setting missile to attack monster. Scanning target!" They both scanned Kebola. "IT'S EBOLA!?!?!?" They both yelled "New Mission: CRUSK... KILL... DESTORY... SWAG!!!" The R-Dash 5000 repeated, activating it's jets before flying to the damage. "New Mission: Destroy Ebola!!!" Sweetie Bot ran to the carnage, firing a missiles at it, then turning to it's machine guns & death laser. The Aquabats rolled into town in their Battle Tram, seeing Kebola attack! "Commander!" Eaglebones yelled "We got ourselves a new problem here!" "Indeed, Eaglebones," Bat Commander replied "Aquabats: Let's go!" "Activating Battle Tram's weapons." Jimmy spoke, his horn glowing and pressing all the buttons. "If all else fails, we at least have our secret weapon!" Ricky spoke "What!? Eaglebone's imaginary 'Dude'?" Crash mocked. They all turned to him. "...oh! Me!? Why me!?" "Remember space monster M?" They all asked "...Oh no! GETTING EMOTIONAL!!!" "Firing Crash!" Jimmy spoke! More button pressing, and Crash was fired out of their tram's canon, as he transformed into a giant! "AQUABATS!!! LET'S GO!!!" M.C. Bat Commander yelled! They drove into the battle field, doing the heroic things they do! The Cutie Mark Crusaders all hanged around the clubhouse, seeing Kebola firing it's pickles and marshmallows at the ponies below. "What in the Hay is that!?" Applebloom asked "I think it's a giant floating head of... something." Sweetie Belle replied "You think so?" Scootaloo sarcastically asked "Hey! I have no idea what Deadpool is, so that may be normal where he comes from!" "Since when are things normal here?" Applebloom asked "It could be weirder." Sweetie Belle suggested "imagine if If our front hooves were hands and we walked around like Deadpool. "That... would be weird." Scootaloo confessed "Well we gotta stop it!" Applebloom spoke. "But how!?" "Duh! With Deadpool's training!" "Oh!" The two spoke "Plus, our special talents may have to do with something in fighting giant monsters!" "Now that would be an awesome cutie mark!" Scootaloo spoke "I'm not really sure about this." Sweetie Belle spoke, rubbing the back of her head. "We could-" "INCOMING MARSHMALLOW!!!" The filly jumped out of the way, but the marshmallow shot itself into Sweetie's horn! Sweetie tried to take the sweet off her horn, but failed. "MARSHMALLOWS!?!?!? That's it!!! Let's get us a monster!!!" "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS MONSTER HUNTERS!!!" The three cheered, pulling their weapons out! They landed in the wagon of Scootaloo's scooter, and she drove them to the heat of battle!!! Gilgamesh appeared on a building, seeing the craziness. "Well... I'm fine, even as a cameo." He commented to himself. He jumped into the air, attacking Kebola! "GILGAMESH!!! AWAY!!!" Everyone approached to Kebola, who flew in a circle, seeing all things approaching. The bass dropped when the missile shot from Sweetie Bot and the added force of Crash punched Kebola in the face, causing all chaos to break loose!!! Deadpool, Sweetie Bot and Littlepip fired their weapons at Kebola below, while Quinton, the R-Dash 5000 and Blackjack flew around the monster, firing their weapons at it! The CMC used a ramp, flying past Kebola, as Sweetie Belle used her staff, as well as Gilgamesh, who jumped from a roof, slicing at Kebola while screaming his name! The Aquabat's battle tram arrived in the battle and Ricky fired at Kebola while the others got out! M.C. Bat Commander ordered all what to do, as Eaglebones played his electricity shooting guitar and Jimmy's hooves fired more lasers at Kebola! "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?!?!?" Quinton yelled in confusion. "Just some friends of mine!" Deadpool replied, swapping his assault rifle to his dual semiautomatic pistols and fired at Kebola. The giant Crash McLarson got up onto his hooves and ran to Kebola! "Time to end this!" He yelled! The giant Crash delivered an uppercut so devastating, not only did Kebola Bacon rise up a bit, but glowed yellow and EXPLODED!!! Down from the sky, it rained burgers.. "Burgers!?" Deadpool asked "Really!?" "That's what these are called?" Littlepip asked, floating a burger to her face, sniffing it. Blackjack snagged the burger from Littlepip and took a bite out of it. "Hm... not bad," Blackjack commented "could use some booze." "We have some cider at our barn, Ms. Cyborg princess." Applebloom spoke. "APPELBLOOM!?!?!?" Quinton yelled, turning to the filly. He stared at the filly, as she stared right back at him. "Can... I help ya'll?" "...Sorry! I... just... YOU'RESOCUTE!!!" He hugged the little filly making a small squeak noise between the two. "Aw! How cute!" Sweetie Belle spoke in adorableness "Blech! I'd rather fight another giant monster than see this!" Scootaloo commented. "Ah... young love!" Gilgamesh commented I wouldn't say it's love if all that guy does is thinks with his junk. Ha! You said 'junk'! Is there something wrong with that? "GET OUTTA THERE!!!" Deadpool yelled to Gilgamesh. "Well Aquabats," The M.C. Batcommander spoke "Looks like our job here is done!" "Can ya'll let me go now?" Applebloom asked in her annoyed tone. "Oh! Sorry!" Quinton replied, releasing the filly from his grasp. "Is it... alright if I hang out with you?" "As long as ya'll don't hug me like that." "No promises!" "Ya'll are acting like Deadpool... I'll let this pass. Come on, my family will love to see new company!" "Oh sweet!" Blackjack yelled "FREE BEER!!!" "No Blackjack," Littlepip spoke "remember: self control." "Blah blah blah! You're just going for her, aren't you!?" "Me!?" Sweetie Belle asked "Not in front of my ancestor!" Littlepip grinded her teeth together. "SELFIE!!!" Deadpool yelled. "WHA-!?" Before my brother could say anything, Deadpool lifted the Pegasus up and took a Selfie with him, Blinding him for a few hours to come! "Now, with that done, I think I may need to-" "Excuse me." a kind, sounding male spoke. "What?" Deadpool turned around, only to be introduced fact to face with a frying pan! "Oh... damn you karma!!!" He fell to the floor, knocked out. Author's Note I apologize for not following anyone's request. My brother's now living with my mom and he requested the following to happen, though I inserted the 'Hater' bit. He really does have bad taste in things, but I'm glad we agree on some things (Disliking Terminator Genysis, Marvel Fans, beliving DC is trying to be like Marvel, and, of course, MLP) Don't worry, my brother doesn't have Ebola! Bring out the Napkins. Diamond Dog (???) (Possible) #1: Dr. WolfDeadpool woke up in what was another home, lying on what was a red, comfortable couch. He looked around, seeing shelves with books around, a blue chair that was next to his couch, and pictures hung on the wall, showing off many of Deadpool's victories taken from different angles, most likely a Pegasus' work. Hold on... I beleive... we're in a psychologists office. Aw hell no! We ain't got time for that! We don't plan on anything at all! Plue, we could get some help and I beleive this belongs to- Blah, blah, blah! If we want psycho stuff, we'll play psychonauts! "True that brother!" Deadpool spoke to himself. "Let's-a get outta here!" Deadpool got up and opened the door to the room, only to be meet face to face with a 2nd grade Sentry from Team Fortress 2, aiming right at him! He stopped and stared a little bit, watching it aim at him as he moved around his head a bit. He teleported away, only to be meet with an army of 3rd class sentries outside the walls! Teleported away, more sentries on the rooftop! Teleported, and now, back to the room! Mother f***er! So many sentries! This is one crazy TF2 fan! I hope none of this hit anypony we know! A door opened and in came was a Spike sized, white coated wolf like creature that wore a grey vest, a purple tie, and black shorts. "Oh! Good afternoon Deadpool," the small wolf creature greeted himself, oblivious on all the sentries around their area. "I'm sorry for the frying pan thing earlier; looking over your personality, I knew you would'nt cooperate on what we're doing." "...who the f**k are you!?" Deadpool asked. "Oh dear! My deepest apologies. I am Dr. Wolf; a psychologist here in ponyville. I actually want to have a word with you, Mr. Deadpool." "♫I'm good, I'm good, I'm good! Livin' life just like I should, Wouldn't change it if I could!I'm good, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good!♫" "... Well... I'm sorry to say, but you're going to stay with me for a while until this word is over. Please, have a seat." "Fine!" Deadpool dragged his feet then flopped onto the soft couch. Dr. Wolf himself hopped onto his chair and took a seat. "Now, Deadpool, is it alright if you care to take your mask off?" "What!? ♫OH HELL NO!!!♫ "Please, it's only the two of us here. Plus, I'm certain there's things on your mind you want to let loose." "Let loose!? What? You mean like-" "Not here! Keep your clothes on, just lose the mask." "...Fine! If you want to see an ugly a** tumor, then be my guest!" Deadpool sat right up and slowly took off his mask. In a few moments, his skin felt the air again and he breathed much better, as his mask came right off. "...interesting." "Oh please! This ain't gonna help me win Mr. Universe anywhere except in the Marvel Zombie comics! ... oh s**t! I forgot about headpool!!!" *In Deadpool's apartment Headpool laid on the table, whistling to himself. The doors kicked open, and Punisher entered. "WHERE ARE YOU WADE!?!?!?" He yelled, looking everywhere. Punisher found Headpool and fired at the little guy! "...ow." Headpool replied "What a waste of a cameo in my part!" *Back in Ponyville* "... Eh, probably nothing." Deadpool, spoke to himself, going into a relaxed position. "Now," Dr. Wolf continued "care to tell me about your past?" "... ♫Now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down. And I'd like to take a minute, Just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town that's somewhere!♫" "Without the singing, please?" "...Fine! But if we're going to do this: MRAQUINO!!! Show what happened back then while using that Italic button for us! Color me Red and Wolf's Gray!" "Who... are you talking to?" "The D****ebag that made you come here in the first place!" Somewhere, in Canada during the late 80's and early 90's I was a pretty happy child... or at least... that's what I'm suppose to say to those insurance people. Never knew why until later. And how did that all go? A little something like this. A young Wade Wilson hid in his closet, curled up in a corner in a ball. He was ordinary looking, having blonde hair and blue eyes, something that'd make Adolf Hitler happy! He hid in the closet, silently whimpering to himself, which he gasped at, hearing a door inside slam open! "WHERE'S THAT LITTLE B*****D!?!?!?" A masculine voice yelled "Honey!" A feminine voice yelled "STOP!!! You're drunk!!!" "I'M NOT DRUNK!!! I'M BUZZED!!! Where's WADE!?!?!?" "He's away from here!!!" "LIAR!!!" "NO!!! DON'T!!! AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!" Wade heard what was violence going on for a few seconds, followed by silence. He slowly pushed himself to the corner, going into a fetus like position, seeing and hearing what was the footsteps of his father heading to his area, breathing hard. "Come out Wade! We're gonna have a little fun! You like fun, don't you?" Wade silently whimpered to himself, as a small feather from a pillow came down and tickled his nose. He sneezed, and his father stopped "oh crap." Wade spoke to himself. Now if it weren't for that feather, I'd probably made it out without a serious a** whooping! And what did you do that made your father angry? I told a police officer as school on all the things my dad did! I see... now tell me, what about your life after being a child? I F***ED up in High School REALLY BAD!!! Father kicked me out because 'I'm too irresponsible to take care of now'. Really, he needed his beer, but I guess that helped started my career as an assassin! Hell! I was happy to be away from my family! I had a girlfriend Jenny was her name! I see... but it didn't last long, did it? *A deep breath* Yeah... it went well that day... until I going to the Doc and finding out what happened. Some time in the 2000's Wade entered his apartment room, seeing Jenny finishing up some exercising things. She turned and rushed to Wade, hugging him! "There's my favorite assassin of all time!" Jenny spoke, rubbing her head in Wade's chest. "'sup Jenny." Wade replied, caressing her hair while hugging her as well. "Did you get the money?" Wade pulled out a large wad of cash "All $200 thousand!" "Oh honey! You're the best!!!" "Yeah... I was." "Wha- what do you mean?" Wade walked to their bed and sat on it. Jenny walked and sat next to him, giving him a back massage. "Care to tell me what's wrong, Wade? Are you feeling a bit down?" "No Jenny, I wish it was that. It's... rather serious." "Well please, tell me! We're together in this!" "That's the problem; you'll be lonely now." Jenny turned Wade's head around. "What is it?" "...I have cancer." Jenny stopped and the stared at each other. "So... you're going-" "Yeah... I am." More silence "Jenny... please... I... don't you to see me go." "What do you mean!? I'm staying with you until you pass!!!" "I don't want you to see someone close pass away!" "But I-" Wade pulled out Jenny's purse from underneath the bed and placed the wad of cash in it. "Go!" "Go?" "GO!!! Get outta here!!! If I'm gonna die, I might as well do it alone!!!" "But... don't you-" Wade pulled a pistol on her "I DON'T WANT S**T!!! NOW GET OUT!!! NOW!!!" Jenny got up and ran away. "YOU'RE AN A**!!!" Wade lied on his bed. "...Well Death... I'm waiting." If I had known Lady Death was there, I may have teased her with my horse c**k! I... didn't want to hear that. But that'll be later! Back to my past!!! 1 Month Later: The door to Wade's apartment was knocked, and he walked around to the door in a really weak, defeated way. He opened the door, and two men in suits were there. "Mr. Wilson?" One of the men spoke "Came here to arrest me?" Wilson asked "Too bad; by the time I drop the soap, I'm going to be dead!" "We're not here to arrest you, Wade." Another spoke "We're actually here to help you." "...Help me? With what?" "We believe we have a cure to your cancer, but we need a real subject to see if it works." "If you die," the other added "then you should be glad you didn't go to jail and died in an honorable way." "What if I survive?" Wade asked "You'll find out later." "The choice is yours." The other man spoke "Join us now to hopefully become the first few people to be cured from cancer." "Or stay here and die." Wade looked at the two, turned to his apartment, then back to the two with a smirk. "Well... I'll apologize to Jenny when it's over." Wade spoke with a bunch of confidence in his voice. So you followed them? EEYUP!!! And they f**ked me over to a part of Weapon X!!! They stuffed many needles in area where one should not have them in, and, though I now heal rapidly, I still have cancer, and I didn't know I was invincible then. And you escaped how? Well... it's kinda a blur, but I know I wasn't alone at all. Details, please. And don't worry, I don't mind any extra details. If you say so! It was at least 2 years after my capture & experimentations, and, for the first time, I embraced my insanity! Weapon X division research center. 2 years later: Two armed guards walked to Wade's prison cell, each holding batons. The left one banged on Wade's cell door. "Hey Wade!" He yelled "Get up! It's your time now to be with Dr. Killbrew!" Silence fell among them. "GET UP!!!" The other yelled, banging harder on the door. Silence. The first guard opened the door open, turning on his flashlight and entered the room. The second one stood in the doorway, taking out his baton for self defense. The first walked to Deadpool's bed and lifted the covers, seeing nothing whatsoever! "What's going on!?" "HE'S GONE!!!" Call for backup: We have an escaped experiment!" Silence fell. "Are you listening, I said-" Wade grabed him and snapped his neck, killing him. "What a twist!" Wade yelled to himself. Unlike his younger self, but not like himself now, his skin showed some deformity, especially around the face, but he looked somewhat normal. He picked up the baton and ran outside the door with it, a couple of other experimented mutates seeing Wade pass and begging him to rescue them. We should probably save them. Deadpool ran into the bathroom and landed into a stall, hiding from a couple of guards running to the cells where he escaped. "WHO SAID THAT!?!?!?" Wade yelled I am your conscious. Or... at least what you think a conscious sounds like. In other words, I'm sorta your Super Ego. If You're the Super Ego, then I'm the Super SUPER EGO!!! "Who the f**k are you!?" That is your Id, or, as a recognizable way, your devil. I'm not evil! Listen though, we can escape this facility with a huge explosion that Michael Bay would jerk off to! See what I mean? Wade peeked out of the restroom, seeing guards patrolling the area. "I think we're going to need help on this one." Fine... but the explosions!? "Maybe." Deadpool entered an open air duct, crawling his way through the area, heading to where the experimentations were held at. A lone guard had his back at the door, chatting on the radio to be on the look out for Wade. Wade kicked the guard in the balls, causing him to fall and keel over. Wilson took his gun away, followed by a headshot to the guard, making sure he wouldn't contact anyone else. He entered the room, seeing 4 mutates on their beds, covered in patches and looking seriously injured. These guys won't do! Get the muscle bound guys! Hey! We need everyone to survive this! But how are we going to do that? "Hm... Music?" I... doubt that'll- HIT IT!!! (Begin at 22 seconds) You studied old music? Nah! When you go insane, you learn a lot of things and know things without studying them! Anyways, as I was saying- "Wade Wilson!" One of the 4 spoke "How... did you do that?" "The power of music!" Wade replied, jumping down to their level "That, and I need all the help I can get to escape from this hell hole!" "Tell us what we have to do, and we'll do it!" Another spoke "Excellent!" To make things shorter, I had those 4 cause a distraction while I released everyone, Cabin in the woods style! And what were you doing during this? Ah... freedom! As soon as everything was destroyed, all those b*****ds killed, Freedom! I still remember it! Deadpool and the mutates exited the facility, feeling the, though cold, still warm air of the outside world. "You... did it!" One of the mutates spoke "We did it!" Wade corrected "Wade Wilson," another Mutate spoke "for surviving against all odds and leading us out of trouble, you deserve the name of names!" "And that is?" "You... are the Deadpool!!!" "I'm... Deadpool?" "Deadpool Everyone!" A chanting followed, slowly rising from low to high, as all the mutates began to cheer 'Deadpool' over and over! We now have a fanbase!!! More like a cult. After that thing, I had one person to visit, hopefully, as a way to get her back. And how did that go? ...What do you think? New York City: Wade, in a trench-coat and fedora, approached an apartment building's room and knocked on it's door. "Ugh... who's there!?" A familiar woman voice asked "You know who it is." Wade replied in the voice of Bill Clinton. "... Hold on just a sec." The door unlocked and Jenny opened the door, wearing a towel to cover her breasts and taco. She gasped at Wade's sight. "W-Wade!?" "That's right baby!" "What... happened to you!?" "I got cured... but I also have cancer. How you doing? Boobs still squeak?" "Wha-!? No! Look, I'm sorry... but-" "Who's there?" A voice came in. A small, hairy man with a hairstyle that looked like horns appeared in the room, holding a bottle of beer in his hand. "Jenny! Who the hell is this bub?" "Oh! This is Wade! My old boyfriend. You know, the one with cancer?" "Yeah... I remember." "Wha-!?" Wade yelled "Who... who the hell is this!?" "Wade," Jenny spoke "This is Logan... my husband." Hold on... I meet Woverine before!?!?!?" You're telling me this. How do you not remember? He knocked me out with his bottle, causing me to bleed hard. They thought I was dead, so I followed it, doing my own sad Hulk walk, killing the character singer that song in the process with a jack in the box! And who would that be?" Click on the link and you'll see. Link? But- BACK TO MY PAST!!! I went back to the destroyed facility, more scarred than ever. If I was lucky, I could find some people to talk to, even if they were a**holes. A Canadian military base: Deadpool banged on the floor, crying deeply to himself! Next to him was a gun, smoking as it fired some bullets, and Wade, who's head was healing quickly. "MOTHER F***ER!!!" He yelled to himself "F**K YOU WORLD!!! LET ME DIE ALONE!!! We can't die at all! We can use this to our advantage! As a Halloween prop, maybe. "SHUT UP!!! BOTH OF YOU!!!" "There he is!!!" A voice on a radio spoke. "Fire!!!" Another yelled. Deadpool looked up and saw a bunch of soldiers running to him. "KILL ME!!!" he yelled "KILL ME!!!" The soldiers fired at Wade, only to look at him in fear, as he healed rapidly! "DON'T STOP!!! KILL ME!!! KILL ME LIKE I'M SADDAM HUSSEIN!!!" He fell to the floor, as a headshot was made on him, but felt himself healing already. "CHOP ME HEAD OFF!!! CHOP IT OFF!!!" One of the soldiers knocked him out with the butt of his rifle. Wade awoke in a dark area, where a single light hung over him. Uh oh! THE ILLUMINATI!!! SHUT UP!!! "Welcome, Wade Winston." A voice spoke, followed by the silhouette of a figure "The name's Stryker. I heard what you did to one of my research areas." "Oh yeah!" Wade replied, remembering what happened "Killbrew and Ajacks becoming beef stew and applejacks!" "Yes... those two. While you lead all the mutates to victory, it's your skills that intrigue me." "Which skills!? Combat or bed?" "Combat. Listen, you're not the only one with super healing. Come out all of you." Around Wade, were the 4 other members of the team: Lady Deathstrike: Omega Red: Sabertooth: And Hugh Jackman! "These are your new friends, Wade." Stryker continued "Choose to stay, and we'll be one happy family. Choose to go, then just wait for your death." Wade looked around him, seeing the four. "Please," Wade spoke "call me... Deadpool." Wade Wilson died that day, and Deadpool was born! And what happened after that? Short man got his claws and ran away. Rest is explained in my clips from "Hulk vs. Wolverine". A terrible day to know about other heroes in the world. At least Weapon X was destroyed! And what happened after that? I made a name for myself! I did whatever the f**k I want now! I see... well, I'm glad to see your origin is done. THANK F**KING LORD!!! but what about- Me as a brony? I forgot about that, actually. I guess I could thank Death Battle for that. That... makes sense. But what did you do before landing here? Before all of... this? That? Well... I apologize if I cry for this. Moments before Deadpool was brought into Equestria: Deadpool walked into a local hospital in Candada, stopping the desktop in front of him. A woman was sitting on her seat, looking through her i-Phone and playing some App game that is now overrated. "Excuse me?" Deadpool spoke "Who are you looking for?" The woman asked, not even looking away from her phone. "I'm looking for a Mr. Wilson." "... uh huh. And who are you?" "His son: Wade Wilson!" "... we get those." Silence fell, as she continued playing her game. Deadpool pulled a cup of water out and splashed it at the woman! She jumped and dropped her phone, causing it to explode like it was a bomb! "WHAT THE HELL!? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU-!" She stopped and gasped, seeing Deadpool in front of her. "Were is Mr.Wilson?" He asked, placing his head on his head, making a condescending Wonka face. "W-which one!?" "Any. I'll find 'im!" "B-back there! In the W section!" "Thanks! And FYI: put down your god damn phone when someone's talking to you!!!" Deadpool marched to the W section, passing doctors and patients screaming at him! The woman clicked on a button below her desk and waited. After a few moments of looking, Deadpool found the one person he search for: his father! He entered the room. His father looked at him, but didn't show fear at all. "Deadpool," he spoke weakly "I knew some b***ard wanted me dead. Who was it? The bar owner? My wife? My excuse of a son? Tell me and I promise you that I can pay more." "No one sent me, Mr. Wilson." Deadpool replied, taking a chair and sitting next to his father. "Ah... came to kill the weakest person here then?" "No... I came to say goodbye." "...Goodbye? Who are you?" Deadpool took off his mask, showing his ugly mug to his father. "Your 'excuse of a son'." "...Wade!?" "That's right! Your son is the feared Merc with the Mouth! The Regenerating Degenerate. The Ninja Spider-Man!!! All of those are me!" "Why... didn't you tell me?" "MOTHER F**KER!!! I've been texting you all this time!!! You never checked!!!" "I'm too weak... you stupid a**hole." "No! You're the stupid a**hole!!!" "Sure... blaming the one that made you strong." "You never made me strong! You made me feel inferior, small, weak, stupid, and all other synonyms!!! You made my life a living hell!!!" "Your life is a living hell? Ha! Back in my day-" "Don't give me one of those 'back in my day' bulls**t explainings about how tough life was! Look at the math kids do now! Look at the bills now! Look at me!!! You don't know the hell I've been through!!!" "...maybe you're right. ... So you came here to wish me goodbye?" "I came here to wish you to go to hell!" "...close enough... ungrateful b*****d." "Hey! You're only happy with those booze you got!" "And I'll die happy!" "You'll die worthless!!!" "At least I'm above your worthlessness." "SHUT THE F**K UP!!!" Deadpool pulled a gun and placed it on his father's head! "Yeah... go ahead... shoot me... we know you don't have it." Deadpool stared at his father, tears falling from his eyes. "I... will not!" "Because you're a coward." "BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!!! ALL I WANTED IN LIFE IT TO BE LOVED BY PEOPLE!!! You, Jenny, the Weapon X a**holes!!! I thought they loved me!!! Why can't I just go to Equestria and experience love for the first time!?!?!?" "...Equestria? You watch that gay girl show?" "... YES!!! I watch it, and it ain't gay!!! They'll accept anyone through time!!! I just want someone, some people, who'll love me for who I am and now what I offer!!! You should know that, 'DAD'!!!" "...And you'll die alone with that attitude." Deadpool stared at his father, hearing the beeps going slower. "...Do you love me at all?" "...Did. I did... wilson." A flat line. His father died. Marching was heard, as policemen entered the building. "FREEZE!!!" one of them yelled. Deadpool stood near his father, seeing his corpse. "GET AWAY FROM HIM!!!" Another yelled "He died." Deadpool replied "Now leave me alone." He turned around and started to walk to them, putting on his mask. "STAY!!!" "We'll do this another day. I just wanna go home. " "STAY"!!! Deadpool continued walking to them "OPEN FIRE!!!" Another yelled. All the policemen fired at Deadpool, who only shook as each bullet pierced his skin. Tjheir clips were out, and they stopped, seeing Deadpool stand, rapidly healing himself. "...I said," Deadpool spoke "Leave Me ALONE!!!" Deadpool pulled his guns out and fired at the policemen, killing them on sight! Screaming could be heard, as patients and doctors ran for their lives. "You wanna play rough!? Alright!!! WE'LL PLAY ROUGH!!!" Deadpool walked to the hallway, seeing more policemen entering! Deadpool pulled out a bazooka! "SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!!!" He pulled the trigger, firing a missile at the police. A huge force pushed Deadpool back, as a hole was left in the wall and blood everywhere from the explosion! A whole squadron of vehicles surrounded the hospital. This is an awesome final stand!!! Not now!!! "SHUT UP!!! BOTH OF YOU!!!" Deadpool ran up the stairs, kicking the door to the roof, seeing as far as he can see, Vehicles everywhere. The helicarrier floated above Deadpool, as he could see the silhouette of Nick Fury looking down on him. "It's all over Deadpool!" Nick Fury yelled into the radio "Surrender yourself now!" "I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE!!!" Deadpool yelled. He pulled our a machine gun and fired everywhere! Normally, he would love this to happen, as he would time himself to see how long he can survive, but this was different. A green portal opened right above him and it sucked him right in! WHAT'S HAPPENING!?!?!? Either we're being saved by a Deus Ex Machina, or we're being taken somewhere else!!! "I DON'T GIVE A F**K!!!" Deadpool yelled, dropping all his weapons behind. And, just lie that, he was gone. Present: "And that's how I came here." Deadpool spoke, tearing up a bit. "It escalated very quickly. "I see." Dr. Wolf replied "Anything else you want to add?" "Well... my time here... it's been great." "Great? How so?" "Well... friends everywhere... new adventures... favorite show... and... just being able to be me with no judgement. Or... at least... a lack of judgement." "Interesting... well... you can all come out." "Come out!?" The walls feel over, and they were both on a TV set! The audience was everypony (and thing) he took a selfie with so far, each tearing up to Deadpool's story! "And that's why we never wanted to tell you about his story!!!" Rarity whined!!! "...Oh crap. You're next, MrAquino." And, again, just like that, everyone released the epic cry! Author's Note I suck at making people cry, okay! I had to watch these clips to at least get a concept! Dr. Wolf's channel Now, as some news, I- wait a minute! DEADPOOL!?!?!? What are you- AAAHHH!!! I'm in charge of this chapter now! Pony #100: MrAquino/Kane Aquino/ Strongheart the Alicorn!The author of this fanfic landed in the world of Equestria, right where I live in. The loser before you has chganged into his O.C.: a light brown Alicorn with white, big mac looking hooves, black mane & tail, black, nerd square shaped glasses, and his cuite mark is a cliche'd valentine heart that looks like it's made from iron. I fany of you are wondering, in case you didn't read this chapter's title, his name is Kane, or, for his O.C., Strongeheart. And yes, I'll soon get to that buffalo soon! Jeez! Anyways, our Alicorn wakes up as soon as the door to my house opens, with the Mane 6 walking in. Let's watch these get together! "Deadpool!" Twilight yelled "Deadpool!!! Where are you!?" "Why does he disappear on us like that!?" Rainbow Dash yelled "I think we know why, but where did he go?" Applejack asked "He took over MrAquino's area and sent the creator of this fanfic right in front of us." Pinkie answered. The five turned to Pinkie with a look of confusion. "MrAquino?" Rarity asked "He made it, not me!" "Oh dear!" Fluttershy yelled "Look!!!" The 6 ran ahead, following Fluttershy, stopping as they found a crater inside my crib, where your author lied in. "Another Alicorn!?" Twilight asked "I think so." Rarity inquired "And this isn't like that brute 'Blackjack' from what he looks like." "A MALE ALICORN!?!?!?" Both Applejack and Rainbow Dash yelled, adjusting their manes to look good. "Be careful Everypony!" Pinkie yelled, taking the lead "this Could one of those alicorns that claim to be related to Celestia, Luna, or us!" "...Seriously?" Applejack asked. Pinkie leaped in and lifted MrAquino's head up! "ALRIGHT MISTER!!! TALK!!!" "...Pinkie pie?" He asked. They all gasped "AHA!!! CLAIMING TO BE MY SON NOW!?!?!?" "...What? Am I... in Equestria? "PINKIE!!!" Twilight yelled, using her magic to lift the pink pony off "I am so sorry for that! My name's Twilight Sparkle. What's yours?" Kane stopped and stared at her face. He began to sweat hard, his wings went up with a 'POOMF!', and, in his eyes, all he could see was him and Twilight reenacting a scene from [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSh0V7jmoFw]Pucca. "Mm... oh Twilight." He spoke in a dreamly voice "You... know me? Oh wait! Of course! With me being a princess and all, somepony must've heard all of my friends and our adventure." "I think Deadpool now has them." Rainbow Dash commented. Kane's eyes shrunk, as he snapped himself out of the love phase. "DEADPOOL!?!?!?" He yelled "THAT BASTARD!!!" Again, they all gasped "NO STARS!!!" Pinkie yelled "You know Deadpool!?" Dashie asked "Yes, Rainbow Dash. He must be getting revenge on me for the previous chapter where everyone cried at his back-story." "Excuse me," Rarity intruded "Did you say, 'previous chapter'?" Kane froze, his pupils shrunk and he did his best scrunch face. "Uh... well... you see... it's... kinda hard to say, Rarity." "How in tarnation do you even know our names!?" Applejack yelled, walking to sweating Alicorn. Kane backed up until his butt landed on the wall. "Well, Applejack... there's... um... a little thing that, uh, will be crazy, but-" "He's the creator of this story in which Deadpool now's taken over of because he made all of us cry in the last chapter and he's the reason why many crazy character and things are happening right now." Pinkie answered at the speed of light. Everypony turned to Pinkie, then turned to Kane. "...Pinkie's right." Rainbow Dash tackled him to the floor! "ALRIGHT MISTER!!!" She yelled "Begin talking!!! How, in the name of Celestia, did you bring Deadpool and those others into our land!?" "Look, Dashie-" "DON'T CALL ME THAT!!!" "...Ok, Rainbow Dash, it's a little process I did some time ago, but it went like this; I was new to a webstie called 'FimFiction.Net', an area where stories are placed for everyone to see and be judged. Most of these stories are loosely based on Equestria, given one of three ratings: Everyone, Teen, and Mature; Many of these are ranged into different genres: Romance, Sad, Comedy, Tragedy, Dark, Adventure, Slice of Life, Human, Antrho, alternate universe, random, and crossover. Each of these stories, with their rating and genre can range from a simple use of reading a book to finding a key that will stop a plague that will risk everypony to go extinct." "Really?" Fluttershy asked "Is there anything I did in these stories?" "There's many out there. An example is, when you went into Starlight Glimmer's home, Starlight demanded you to giver her a belly rub." "That's... strange." "It is, but it explains why Starlight didn't see you when you escaped through the chimney, as Party Favor was outside, asking you if you had to rub her belly as well." "But what about Deadpool?" Twilight asked "What does this have to do with Deadpool?" "I'll get to that. This whole thing is a Comedy-Crossover story." "Like... this?" Rarity asked "Yes. Look at all of the stuff Deadpool's done in your land! Everything Deadpool did wasn't just him, but me." "YOU!?!?!?" They all yelled. "You brought Deadpool into our world!?" Twilight asked "I did." the other Alicorn replied "But... why?" "To make long things short, it was-" "TWILIGHT!!!" Spike the Dragon yelled, running to them. He came in and took deep breaths. "Have... to... tell you..." He burped out a letter. Twilight levitated the letter and read it in her head, but gasped "CANTERLOT'S BEING INVADED!!!" She yelled "By who!?" "A group called... 'The Masters of Evil'." Kane's eyes widened and his pupils shrunk. "We have to stop them!" Kane yelled "TO CANTERLOT!!!" He ran ashed at speeds that made Pinkie wonder where he went! "Follow that stallion!" Rainbow Dash yelled. The Mane 6 began to chase the Stallion, as he ran to Canterlot, then flared his wings and began to fly! Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Twilight flew after him, while the rest used the train to get over there. Using her strength, Twilight flew next to Kane, who was too focused to reach Canterlot. "Who are the Masters of Evil?" She asked "They're a group of supervillains," he replied "the worst of the worst from where Deadpool comes from. They work together to seek one common goal: complete world domination! Why is Deadpool doing this? This was suppose to be the FINAL CHAPTER!!!" "Final Chapter!?" "Yes! The end where Deadpool would save Equestria from them, using his Deus Ex Machina button to summon every other Hero to battle against them. But since he's in my spot, that won't happen!" "What will happen, then!?" "I have no clue." The rest of the flight was silent, as they arrived into a war torn Canterlot, seeing a blast of green light coming from the castle! The non-fliers were on the floor, ruishing to the castle, as an army of Robots, human soldiers, and some of the canterlot soldiers chased after them. "Let's see here," Kane spoke to himself "Doom bots, Ultron units, Sentinels, Hydra soldiers, The Chitauri, Elves, and brainwashed soldiers." "What are we up against?" the princess asked "Some of the most powerful villains." He released a powerful flap of his wings and flew inside, breaking a window, landing inside the throne room! The other three landed right behind him, and the doors were slammed open, as the rest cam inside! Kane gasped "My God! Just as I suspected!" Five iconic villains stood in front of the ponies: The Red Skull Ultron Magneto: Female Loki: And, the leader of them all, Doctor Doom!!! The villains, along with some of their own guards, surrounded the three princess and prince, all tied up to each other back to back. "Oh look," Loki pointed "more of these so called ponies." "I'll handle this." Red Skull spoke, taking his pistol out and aimed it at the ponies. "Wait!" Ultron yelled "My sensors indicate that these ponies are... different." "Agreed," Magneto added "those two look like these three. Deal with the others, Red Skull." "Negative! The others are swarming with a higher energy field around them unlike the others, something that will unlock something greater." "Keep them alive!" Doctor Doom ordered, walking to the ponies. "These horses will do just fine when they become Latveria's slaves." "Hey!" Twilight yelled "We're not horses and we're not slaves!" "Yeah!" Rainbow Dash yelled "Just wait until Deadpool gets to you all!!!" "Deadpool!?" Doom yelled, looking everywhere in fear. The others looked around in fear, unsure if the Merc with the Mouth will come and attack them all. Ultron presses some buttons on his arm, where a large laser scanned everywhere. "There are no signs of Deadpool anywhere." The robot spoke. "Classic mind tricks." Magneto commented "...Playing us as fools!?" Loki yelled, marching to your author and the Mane 6. "Do you have any idea who we are!?" "...Who are you?" Pinkie asked, tilting her head. I'm doing this as a funny joke on him and those villains! Hopefully, they won't be too angry when I get back to my world. Doctor Doom Red Skull Magneto Ultron Loki All. And I suck at lyrics!!! Loki's left eye twitched, but she smiled and chuckled a bit. "You wish to know who we are?" She asked "We'll tell you!" She snapped and some music began to play behind them. All the villains together released various 'Do's to make a rhythm. "Uptown Funk and the Avengers theme song?" Kane asked "...I'm going to get you for this, Deadpool." ♫This horse, We're ice cold, we're villains with white gold!♫ ♫This one, for them heroes, the zeroes, what can they do?♫ ♫Smart masterpieces stylin', while in Livin’ it up in the city!♫ ♫Got guts on with Xavier, my old best friend, I’m much smarter!♫ ♫We're too hot! ♫(Evil!) ♫Called up S.H.I.E.L.D. and with a Cyclops. We're too hot!♫ (Evil!) ♫Make an Ant-Man retire through death, man, We’re too hot!♫ (Evil!) ♫Don't Say our names, you know who I are We're too hot!♫ (Evil!) ♫Am I bad 'bout that power? Break it down: Xavior sent you hallelujah♫ (whuoo) ♫Hitler sent me you hallelujah♫ (whuoo) ♫Odin sent me you hallelujah♫ (whuoo) ♫‘Cause Master Funk gon’ give it to you!♫ ♫'Cause Master Funk gon’ give it to you!♫ ♫‘Cause Master Funk gon’ give it to you!♫ ♫It's Saturday night and Equestria's ours!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ (come on) The Mane 6 and Kane sat in a circle together, as the villains danced around them each showing off their powers with their soldiers surrounding them, arming themselves for combat, but also dancing to the beat as well! ♫Don’t believe us just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch! Hey, hey, hey, oh!♫ ♫Stop! ... Wait a minute.♫ ♫Fill my goblet, put some ale in it!♫ ♫Kneel down, beg for life!♫ ♫Ultron! Get the stretch!♫ ♫We're Taking Asgard, New York, Atlantis, Everywhere!♫ ♫If we show up, we gon’ take out, including the Guardian's Knowhere.♫ ♫We're too hot! ♫(Evil!) ♫Called up S.H.I.E.L.D. and with a Cyclops. We're too hot!♫ (Evil!) ♫Make an Ant-Man retire through death, man, We’re too hot!♫ (Evil!) ♫Don't Say our names, you know who I are We're too hot!♫ (Evil!) ♫Am I bad 'bout that power? Break it down: Xavior sent you hallelujah♫ (whuoo) ♫Hitler sent me you hallelujah♫ (whuoo) ♫Odin sent me you hallelujah♫ (whuoo) ♫‘Cause Master Funk gon’ give it to you!♫ ♫'Cause Master Funk gon’ give it to you!♫ ♫‘Cause Master Funk gon’ give it to you!♫ ♫It's Saturday night and Equestria's ours!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ (come on) ♫Don’t believe us just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch! Hey, hey, hey, oh!♫ ... Before you plead, allow us tell you all something: ♫Masters Funk you up, Uptown Funk you up. Masters Funk you up, Masters Funk you up. I said Masters Funk you up, Masters Funk you up. Masters Funk you up, Masters Funk you up!♫ Come on, prance! Scream on it, If you're foolish then taunt us. If you're frightened then show it. Don’t try to hide it, come show us! Come on, prance! Scream on it, If you're foolish then taunt us. ♫It's Saturday night and Equestria's ours!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ (come on) ♫Don’t believe us just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch! Hey, hey, hey, oh!♫ All of their soldiers joined During this, Celestia used her magic to teleport herself next to the ponies and, in another flash, disappeared. ♫Masters Funk you up, Masters Funk you up! Masters Funk you up, Masters Funk you up! Masters Funk you up, Masters Funk you up! Masters Funk you up, Masters Funk you up! Masters Funk you up,Masters Funk you up ! Masters Funk you up,Masters Funk you up! Masters Funk you up, Masters Funk you up! Masters Funk you up!♫ They stopped and saw that their prisoners were gone! "Shit!" Red Skull yelled "Loki!" Doctor Doom yelled. They all turned to Loki, who had a blank look on her face, then awkwardly smiled "It was fun, right?" She asked "No worries," Ultron spoke "I figured something like this would happen." "What did you do?" Magneto asked "The brown one is not of their world. He may walk and fly like them, but his DNA says otherwise. I got a good scan of him and I am now locating his location right now." "And where is that?" Doom asked, crossing his arms. "...Follow me." His back opened up with some rockets coming out, and the robot flew away! Doom and Magneto followed, while both Red Skull and Loki took a lone Chitauri carrier. Tree of Harmony. The ponies all appeared right in front of the tree of harmony. "Are you alright, Twilight?" Celestia asked "I am, princess." Twilight replied "That was entertaining!" Pinkie spoke, tossing a bucket of popcorn away "Thank you, Celestia." Kane replied "Who are you?" Celestia asked "Uh... well... you see... I'm-" "He's the reason why Deadpool's here and all the craziness is happening." Pinkie blurted. Celestia eyes wide3ned, and she looked back at the stallion Alicorn. "Is this true!?" "...Yes." he replied "All of it!?" He nodded "Including... our dialogue?" Another nod. She stared at him with a look of anger that says 'Now you fucked up!' But instead of hearing Kane monologue about why he made this, enjoy some things my friends and I made that I WISH we got some MOTHER FUCKING CASH OFF OF!!! Oh! I think we skipped to much. If you're wondering, the doucebags caught the other doucebags with my homies, as they are on the moon. Doctor Doom himself has the elements of Harmony with him, and Magneto placed all of them together in a girder that acted as rope on them. "You really call these 'the elements of harmony'?" He asked "...They do, not me." Kane replied, somewhere in between calm and completely flipping out. "These aren't suppose to be used for 'Harmony' stuff around here! These are actually infinity stones!!!" "Infinity stones!?" the mares asked in unison. "It's a bunch of stones that only the most strong willed people can control, which has devastating effects if used unprofessionally." Kane replied. Everyone stared at him with a curious look. "See what I mean." Ultron stated "We'll get out of here!!!" Twilight yelled "And when we do, we'll-" ...Sorry! Couldn't resist! Anyways, Loki brought in- WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!? "FLASH SENTRY!?!?!?" Everypony yelled "Yes!" Loki replied "This pony is the reason your city was invaded!!!" "But... why!?" Twilight asked, tears coming down from her face. Flash Sentry walked to her and placed his hoof under her chin. "Oh Twilight," he spoke "if only there was someone who loved you." "YOU BASTARD!!!" Kane yelled "You will all thank me when everypony is under a single flag." "Our flag!" Doctor Doom added. "...Not entirely." Ultron spoke. He fired a blast at Magneto, knocking out the leader of mutants himself! Then, as an added bonus, he threw Red Skull into the darkness of space, as he floated, screaming! "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?!?!?" "You wish to have peace. Peace can only come through extinction. With these ponies, they'll be saved by their foolish actions." "I'M THE LEADER HERE!!!" "Not anymore. Loki?" "On it, Sweetie!" Loki spoke, opening a portal behind Doom! Ultron fired a blast at Doom, sending him through the portal! Ultron picked up the elements. "And now... you... Flash." "Me!?" The doucebag horse asked "You'll be the ultimate weapon. The thing needed to make everyone extinct!" "But... I can't-" He was cut off as Ultron fired the Elements of Harmony on Flash! In a few moments, Flash started to become one with the moon and- Oh... hold a minute! MrAquino!? Is this your lost Sanic Fan Fic!?!?!? Ah! Before you answer that, let's just skip to the good part where a Giant Flash Sentry-Moon is heading towards Equestia and both Kane & Twilight (in her anime mane) go super saiyan! Enjoy the walk-through as MrAquino is Emo Hedgehog and Twi is Sanic. So... yeah. Kane falls back to Equestria, but since I don't want to right any more chapters for him, PORTAL!!! And... there he is! Oh, he's such an ugly fat guy! Oh no... he's awake! I'll be going back now. OI!!! Blue Skidoo, we can too!!! Author's Note GET OUTTA MY HOUSE!!! GO ON!! GIT!!! ... Sorry about that. Crazy experince. Well... at least I have some news for you all: I'm most likely going to Phoenix Comic Con!!! All 4 days, you have a chance to meet me in person!!! What do I look like? Well, go to the 26:45 mark here!!! I am not going to have a booth (no cash for it), and I will be going around with my father and, possibly, cousin! Please, don't be a stranger, and if you want to, I'll take a selfie with you! Also, if you want to, It's alright if you wish to leave me gifts (Ex: Ideas for who Deadpool should meet next, drawings of my beautiful O.C. beating up Flash Sentry/Brad, the decapitated head of Tirek, anything Marvel &/or MLP related, ECT.) I will not be accepting anything dirty (so no naked human/anthro MLP characters as an example), as my father and cousin will be there If you wish, I'll gladly accept your challenges to videogames. I may be alright in fighting games, but healthy stuff, I'll fail instantly, so you twigs can have your fun. Deadpool cosplayers... talk to me as if YOU were the real Deadpool as in this fanfic. I really want to freak out my dad and cousin on what's going on! Who should Deadpool meet next? Or, at least, give me ideas on how to get revenge on him. Attack on Deadpool Seabreeze and the Breezies. Brreezy #1-IDGAFDeadpool took my spot in space and- wait a minute... GET DOWN THERE!!! Sorry about that. Anyways, Deadpool fell to Equestria in a ball of fire, screaming until he feel to the hard floor of the earth with a loud SPLAT!!! Being Deadpool, he quickly healed as soon as he landed on the floor. "HA!!!" He laughed "Your revenge scheme SUCKED!!!" Oh yeah... Need I remind you that you landed in Poison Joke? "Poison joke!?" He looked down and saw that he was standing in the blue flowers. "...oh s**t." He fell to the floor, unconscious as he had one of his weird dreams that, luckily, Luna didn't go in and see. He slowly regained consciousness, hearing a bunch of voices around him and seeing what looked liked an afternoon sun setting in the distance, he was in a town, and the trees were more... ring looking. "Is he awake?" a voice asked "Looks like it." "Why is he wearing that costume?" "Is he single!?" Deadpool groaned and finally got right up. He gasped as well as the creatures around him: they looked like ponies, but they were MUCH skinnier than regular ponies, didn't have cutie marks, two antennas stuck out of their heads, and all had translucent, butterfly looking wings. GAH!!! BUGS!!! Not just Bugs! BREEZIES!!! "Breezies!?" Deadpool asked "FINALLY!!! Way to listen to the people, MrAquino!" I was busy with work, ok? And you shouldn't be laughing at me when you look ridiculous yourself. "What the f**k do you-" Deadpool stopped and looked at himself: He still had his suit and hands, but his legs now looked like that of a pony, he had two antennas sticking out of his head now, he had his old, Phoenix Wright looking blonde hair back, the breezy wings, and, over his butt crack, was a tail matching his hair color. "...what was that!?" A breezie asked "Rock-a-Doodle!!!" Deadpool replied, leaving you the link... wait... WHAT!? Nevermind, the breezies spoke to themselves as Bre-pool (Breezie-Deadpool's new name) stood around, waiting for at least one to respond with laughter. Unfortunately, you're an idiot, Wade; no T.V. here, remember? I have to agree with him. You did run into that one. "Shut up!" Bre-Pool shouted to himself. The Breezies turned to him and stared at him. The crowd then parted, as a lone Breezie stood in front of Bre-Pool. Despite having eyelashes like a woman, this Breezie was a male thanks to the shape of it's eyes, had a blue head & hooves, covered by a black leotard looking suit with white ruffles around his neck & legs, white-grey antennas sticking out of his really girly, pink poofy mane. This was- "VEGETA!!!" Bre-pool interrupted, wearing saiyan armor straight from Dragon Ball Z "What does the scouter say about his power lever!?" "It's over 9000!!!" Seabreeze yelled, also in saiyan armor out of nowhere, going into a remix that starts 15 Seconds in. During the feverish remix, Deadpool danced along, doing the splits while flipping forwards & backwards, doing a lot of break dancing moves. When it ended, all the breezies stood with questioned looks on their faces, as Seabreeze started to remove the small armor off of him! "Oh come on!" Deadpool yelled, picking up the armor bits "Dragon Ball fans go crazy for this s**t! More if we did Kamehamehas!" "Enough of this!" Seabreeze yelled in his high pitch Irish or Scottish accent (Sorry, I can't tell the two!) "Apparently." "What do you mean by 'apparently'?" "Nothing. Just talking to the loser of an author of an even worse fanfic." HEY!!! I have a lot of likes! "Yeah, and when you get many dislikes, POOF!!! Deleted!!!" ... Let's make this interesting then. Screaming was heard, as a lone Breezy came from around the corner, flying as fast as it could! "RUN!!!" it yelled "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!" "Run from what!?" Seabreeze yelled. Large booms were heard, as the ground shook! From around the corner, came a couple of giant changelings! "Changelings!?" Deadpool yelled "Why did you bring 'em here!?" "We didn't bring any here!" "Not you! The author!" "Author!?" "There they are!!!" one of the changelings now booming voice spoke, getting into a crouching position. "And it looks like it's snack time!" "...oh s**t." Bre-pool spoke. "RUN!!!" The Breezies began to run away as fast as they could, as the giant changelings began to run towards their prey. Breezies ran into their homes with friends & loved ones, sealing the doors & windows from inside, as one or two changeling gnawed onto the roof of their house to get the defenseless insect ponies inside. Both Deadpool and Seabreeze ran side to side, as a lone changeling chased after them! "How did they get in here!?" Seabreeze yelled "The portal only opens to breezies and for only once a year!!!" "That's because the author is an a**hole!" "Slow down, tasties!!!" The giant changeling yelled. Deadpool looked behind, seeing the giant making it's way towards them. "Get to your wife and kid! I'll lure it away!!!" "How do you know I have a child!?" Seabreeze asked "JUST DO IT!!!" Seabreeze gave him a questionable look, but nodded and ran to his right. Deadpool turned around to the giant changeling. "Oi! Do you even know who the f**k I am!? I'M DEADPOOL!!!" "Deadpool!?" the giant asked, not even slowing down "Oh you'll be delicious then!!!" Is the author really adding Vore to this? It has to be somewhere in many adventures. "Oh please! This ain't our first rodeo! We've been through this MULTIPLE TIMES before! NSFW!!!" He tripped and saw the hoof of the giant changeling closing in on him! He tried his best to scamper away, but the changeling pressed him down, crushing him a bit. "Now," the giant spoke, levitating Deadpool to it's drooling maw "for my sibling you killed!!!" "Can't we just talk this over?" The changeling opened it's mouth and tossed Bre-pool inside, closing it's mouth and began to play with Bre-pool inside. Bre-pool was tossed around the mouth of the changeling, being drenched in saliva, and the whole place vibrated with the changeling moaning in a heavenly way. The place tilted, and Bre-pool went down a slimey tunnel that tightly massaged him as he fell, until going into a larger area that was dark and filled with liquid inside. Looks like we're in it's stomach. EW!!! It's hot, it's squishy, and everything's wet! And more breezies will come down here soon. "Hold on a sec." Deadpool spoke. "What's that smell?" He took a whiff. "It... it smells like... soap?" Could the changelings be so desperate to eat anything, they ate soap!? Seems legit. Let's look for it! "Already there!" He navigated the stomach of the changeling he was in, touching the walls & making the changeling outside giggle as Bre-pool unintentionally tickled it. A few moments later, Bre-pool bumped into a solid bottle. Now what!? Roll the clip! Starts in the 30 second area. Aslo, thanks to the juices inside the Changeling mixed with soap to cure Poison joke, Deadpool goes back to nornal size, but is still a Breezie-Human mix. Geez! I think we really went a little nuts there. We've been nuts! "God D****t!" Deadpool yelled, looking at his butt "We're still a Human-Breezie mix!" We can go back to being a person once all the Breezies are saved. ooh! Time to Hero up!!! "NO!!! F**K THAT!!! Let's do this and get outta here!" Seabreeze stood with his family, all backed up to, hopefully, get away from the changeling that stood right up to them, licking it's lips. The father stood up to the Changeling, willing to sacrifice his own life for his own wife & child. "Wait!" His wife yelled "You can't! Think about our child!" "I am!" Seabreeze yelled back "Run and find a new home! I'll die knowing I gave you a chance to raise our son!" "Don't throw your life away!!!" "We throw our lives away to sustain our home! I might as well do it now! Go!!! GET OUTTA HERE!!!" He turned to the changeling that would sound awesome, but came off as unintentionally funny. "GET REKT!!!" Deadpool's voice yelled 2:06-3:10 Seabreeze watched in fear and awe as Deadpool, the giant Breezie-human-furry was killing a changeling right in front of his eyes. Deadpool turned around and walked to Seabreeze, who only stood, frozen with fear. He knelt down to both of his knees, and, carefully, poked Seabreeze on his muzzle. "Boop!" Deadpool simply said, as Seabreeze's face scrunched on impact from Deadpool's colossal finger. Seabreeze's wife, still holding onto her child, ran to her husband's size, but gasped at seeing their savior. "I-is that-" the wife stammered in her words. "Hola! Name's Deadpool! I told your husband to go and find you two while I got eaten by one of those changeling a**holes." "But... how are you alive?" "The plot demands it and I wish I could die." "Well... thank you." "Don't thank me yet! I still got some murdering to do! MURDER TIME FUN TIME!!!" He teleported away, leaving only some dust & red smoke behind. Seabreeze fainted, falling to the floor with a thud, passing out from what he just saw. "Oh dear! Let's get back inside the house." Deadpool saw a bunch of changeling gathered around a taller than average building, as many began to bang their heads on it. "Well," He spoke to himself "let's get it on!" 0:45-1:02, 1:51-2:28, 3:20-4:04 Ignore all the dialogue spoken by the people and play this instead as the rampage goes on: Edits for each scene: -I'm back, B****ES!!! -FALCON... PUNCH!!! POWAH!!! Oh! You want some too!? YOINK!!! OH YEAH!!! YO UGLY!!! FOOTBALL KICK!!! KICK THE BABY!!! *Missing scene for some reason* Ew!!! He's giving us head!!! You wish! He's biting our d**k off!!! -LEEROY JENKINS!!! Ow! F**k that arm!!! F**k that arm too! NOM!!! Ew!!! He tastes like bug!!! What do you expect? Oh! To our right! Now... right behind us! Bleh. MY BUTT ITCHES!!! The changelings ran away, not even getting a single breezy into their hungry bellies. The Breezies, including seabreeze himself, walked to the giant human-breezy that saved their lives. "Uh... little help?" Deadpool asked "Just get my arms and I'll do the rest." Without any words, the breezies dragged Deadpools arms back to where they should be. Deadpool rolled himself over, as his muscles laid contact with each other & reconnected, until he eventually got back to normal... that is... if having wings, antennas, a tail, and pony shaped lower legs are fine. That feels much better! Can we scratch our a** now!? Perhaps later. "I just want to get rid of this stuff now." Deadpool spoke to himself, standing up. That's when he realized one thing: he was nearly the size of Godzilla to these little guys, and he may not be able to exit the same way as the changelings did. "Give me a sec!" He carefully strolled around town, then saw what he needed: Poison joke! He fell face first into the plant, a puff of smoke with a horrible fart sound effect, and Deadpool shrunk &turned, not into a furry form of a breezy, but a full on Breezy! The other Breezies followed him and gasped at what happened. "What happened to you!?" one of the Breezies asked "Clearly, I didn't pop out of the back of my giant self's neck, that's for sure!" "How can we repay you!?" Another asked. As if on cue, Bre-pool's phone (which didn't shrink), fell in front of them! They all gasped, but Bre-pool walked around it, then smiled. "I have one." After an annoying gathering of having every single Breezy stand together and making everyone present, Deadpool stood next Seabreeze, who also stood next to his wife. "I' sorry for not saying it, but thank you for saving our lives." Seabreeze spoke "Ain't nopony messing my homies!" Deadpool replied "Homies?" "It's slang for friends." "Friends... we're... friends?" "Hell yeah! Hopefully, I can see you pass by with some of that pollen the next time we cross paths." "And I hope we meet each other without anything trying to kill us." "Agreed! Everyone, say Beoir!" "BEOIR!!!" Every Breezy spoke together. A picture was taken as, not a selfie, but a large group photo was taken! "Say, need help with that?" Seabreeze asked. Deadpool looked at his giant phone. "I'm sure I can handle it." He replied. Author's Note Sorry for not making more chapters. I was busy with another project I wanted to do really badly. And if you are wondering, Yes! I do have voraphilia, but I'm not a fan of AoT's. (Very bloody, I actually prefer soft where the person's still alive and/or you don't see the digestion process) . If you're wondering about "Nom" (one of my favorites), it's not that it has Vore in it, but Anon reminds me a lot of Dan from Dan Vs, and I find Dan hilarious! Please, no vore gifts. Don't need to get more questionable looks from my father & cousin as I do with MLP already. A break from craziness: Pony #101 & 102: Lotus and Aloe Blossom A break from craziness: Pony #101 & 102: Lotus and Aloe Blossom "Why the f**k did I not accept help!?" Bre-pool yelled to himself, struggling to hold his phone in his hands See what happens when our pride get in the way? Yeah! We become men! Stop whining and carry that phone!!! "Easy for you to say! If only I could multiply myself somehow." Hell no! I'm fine with him as another voice, but I don't want to be with him in the flesh! Same thing here! "Fine! I'll carry this stupid phone! Yo! Update the people what's happening ever since that 'Attack on Titan' reference chapter." Don't tell me how to do my job. Anyways, Bre-pool had a steady flow of wind coming right behind him, blowing him to where he believe was Ponyville. Tee hee! He said blow! You blow. Yeah. The wind, if you're wondering, was caused by the escaping changelings, and Bre-pool, still holding onto his phone, floated into the town of Ponyville. Without her noticing, Rainbow Dash flew past Bre-pool, making him float wildly. "DAMN YOU BREEZY WINGS!!!" He floated right into a the sauna, where the Mane 6 all rested together, getting hooficures. "I wonder where Deadpool's been," Fluttershy spoke while in the tub "he's been gone for a really long time." "There's no need to worry for him." Rainbow Dash spoke, shooing one of the twins away from her hooves "We've seen what he's capable of, and I'm fine not having another Pinkie Pie around here." "Them's fighting words!" Pinkie growled for a second, then went into a near depressed look. "It's been a while since he summoned the Taco squad for help. I do wonder if he's alright." "At least his house is maintained." Rarity quipped "That is... if you count a Diamond Dog stampede as maintenance." "I'm more concerned on where that other Alicorn feller went." Applejack spoke "It seems like she does had looks for you, princess." "ME!?!?!?" Twilight yelled, blushing a bit "Uh... no! He... just knows how to be nice to me... protected me from those other humans... teamed up with me... and-" Deadpool's phone landed on her head, confusing the Alicorn princess for a second. "Is that Deadpool's phone!?" Rainbow Dash asked in complete surprise "Whoah nelly!" Applejack said, bracing herself for what Deadpool was going to do. Fluttershy looked ahead, as a small, red Breezie with a blonde mane & tail landed on her muzzle. "Oh my!" Fluttershy exclaimed "A breezie! What are you doing here, little one?" Without saying anything, the Breezie jumped off Fluttershy's muzzle like an Olympic diver, barely making a splash. In a few seconds, Deadpool appeared, splashing everypony around him, as his mask & head were untouched by the waters. "What I was doing," Deadpool spoke, unphased "is to tell you that the Alicorn Twilight was having feelings for is overweight, works as a cart pusher, and was lying about everything to you all." YOU B*****D!!! "Where were you!?" Rainbow Dash yelled in anger, shaking the water off her coat. "♫I was runnin' through the 6 with my woes! You know how that should go! You know how that should go!♫" "... I won't question that." Rarity spoke. Deadpool relaxed more into the pool. "Ah... that feels good." "Did the pool just get colder?" Fluttershy asked. The door opened, followed by a gasp. "Deadpool!?" A woman's voice asked. "Sister! You need to see this!" Deadpool looked up and saw what was a pink earth pony with a blue mane, wearing what looked like a white bandanna on it's head & a white collar. Another pony, this one looking awfully familiar wearing the same stuff to the other, but was blue with a pink mane. She gasped at Deadpool as well. "Aloe!" The blue one spoke "Is that really Deadpool!?" "It is, Lotus," The pink one replied "The human that's saved our town multiple times!" "Eeyup!" Deadpool replied in his best Big Mac voice "And he does impersonations!" Lotus squeeled. "Come Deadpool," Aloe spoke "you'll get the best spa treatment of your life! Free of charge!" "SWEET!!!" Deadpool yelled, getting out of the tub and quickly drying himself off. "Your best man is going to be Fabulized!" Deadpool followed the sisters inside their spa. "Please." Aloe spoke "Remove your clothes." Lotus added "Ooh! We're going there!?" Deadpool asked, failing at trying to be sly about it. "We are!" "... Well... there's a first for everything!" Deadpool began to remove all his clothing, but, to keep this a Teen rating story, I slipped Deadpool 50 bucks to keep his underwear on. "Damn straight! And I'm keeping the mask on so you two won't be scared of my face." "Understandable," Aloe spoke "please, lie down on this." This is gonna be some kinky s**t!!! We still have our underwear on, so there won't be anything kinky. "We don't know that!" Deadpool spoke to himself. "Thanks for the 50 bucks, sucker!!!" He tried to take off his underwear, but the twins returned, both with buckets & brushes in their mouths. "Please," Lotus spoke "don't move while we add this." "I won't baby!" The sisters began to pour the strange contents inside the bucket all over Deadpool's body (minus the head and groin area). Deadpool felt the soothing liquid on him, remembering the most famous & often parodied sexy song from Gunther Levi. When his song ended, he finally realized what was happening! What the-!? We can't move!!! Oh god! I think this is what it is! What!? WHAT IS IT!? ... it's- "A BRAZILIAN!!!" Deadpool yelled in fear. To understand how painful this is, watch this at the 20 second mark. We're not even that hairy! Agreed, but the PAIN!!! Both sister ripped off the remained of Deadpool's chest hair, causing the merc to wheeze in pain. "That's all!" Aloe spoke with a smile. "Does that feel good, Mr. Deadpool?" Lotus asked, also with a smile. "...No." Deadpool wheezed. "Don't worry! We just had to get rid of the most painful procedure first." "Your real spa session will begin!" Aloe added. "...Oh good." Deadpool spoke with hope. "This should go well." And it did! He went through everything one should expect to be in a spa: steam sitting rooms, mud baths, facial stuff (don't ask, he kept the mask on and they followed), Hooficures (or in Deadpool's case, it's both a manicure & pedicure), and he headed to where he'd have a massage. "Is everything going well?" Aloe asked "Everything's FANTASTIC!!!" Deadpool replied, feeling really relaxed. "Need any type of massage before we're finished?" Lotus asked "Just the best one that everyone goes for." Oh my! You may want to reconsider that. "We'll give you the best massage ever!" Aloe announced "And I'm sure he will enjoy giving it!" Lotus added. Deadpool froze. "'He'!?" Deadpool asked. The wall crashed right behind him. Deadpool turned to see Bulk Biceps standing there! "LET'S DO THIS!!!" He yelled "NO!!!" Bulk grabbed Deadpool's head with his pecs and dragged the merc away for the ultimate massage of his life! Let's just say, minus any of the sword users, the characters of Mortal Kombat would be proud. Deadpool crawled out of the massage room, dragging himself until he saw the feet of a certain baby dragon. He looked up, only to see Spike looking down at him "Took the extra strength hot stone deep tissue massage?" He asked "Yep." Deadpool replied "Bulk Biceps?" "Yep." "Got carried away?" "Oh yeah!" "Feeling better?" "...Not really." "You will the next day." Aloe and Lotus came from right behind and picked Deadpool up, placing him on the chair. "Thank you so much for being with us today!" Aloe spoke "We hope to see you again soon!" Lotus added "YEAH!!!" Bulk Biceps yelled, appearing right behind the two. Everyone turned to Bulk Biceps, who just stood there, flaxing his muscles. "...Yeah... perhaps." Deadpool spoke, pulling out his phone. "But I think we should remember this, just in case." "That sounds great!" Aloe exclaimed "Perfect way to end this day!" Lotus added. The two got together, as both Aloe & Louts were on Deadpool's side, and Bulk Biceps photo bombing the picture as he flexed in the background. Author's Note What's a spa like? Eh, who cares!? Who should Deadpool meet next? Discord's What!? Pony #103: Muse of DiscordDeadpool was fast asleep in his bad, back at his mansion sized indoor home. He was fast asleep until he heard loud and, might he say, creepy music playing outside. Curiously, he opened the window near his bed and looked outside: there was a stage set up with lights & fog covering the stage, and the silhouette of what was a pegasus stallion with Rainbow Dash shaped hair & tail, standing alone with a pair of headphones. Is it Halloween already!? You mean Nightmare Night? No. It's far from it. Jeez that's creepy as hell! And I think those other ponies will agree as well. Deadpool looked down, seeing the townsfolk exiting their houses and surrounding the stage, many of the colts & fillies shivering with fear! "♫Laughing silently, thinking violently. Chaos rattles my brain.♫" The stallion sang. "Now that's creepy as hell!" Deadpool commented. "♫Breath anxiety, live defiantly. Dying brought so much pain. Discord oversees, taking over me. Long ago I lost the fight. Goodbye harmony, hello agony. Goodbye wrong and right. See my accolades slowly fade away, Blood is boiling, souls is spoiling. Nothing wrong with me, art of cruelty. Nothing wrong with me. Stay away from me.♫" "Hell no!" Deadpool teleported next to the stallion, wearing what was clearly a Batman-Deadpool crossover costume Now you're just p***ing off the audience. We look so awesome! We look like an idiot. "Haters gonna hate!" Deadpool yelled. "Continue!" The stallion gave him a confused look and continued, keeping his weird, sexy but creepy voice. "♫Always on patrol, fear of lost control. Won't lose my mind overnight. But normal life is droll, think I might enroll in a destiny less bright. The faster that I sink, the more it makes me think I'm living life all wrong. Always liked the dark, time that I embark to a place where I belong. See my accolades slowly fade away, Blood is boiling, soul is spoiling. Nothing wrong with me, art of cruelty. Nothing wrong with me. Stay away from me.♫" The lights showed the pegasus' true self: it was a white pegasus with a brown mane & tail with matching Big Mac looking hooves, Princess Cadence looking wings that transitioned to light blue at the tip, having yellow in the middle, and a reverse ♪ as his cutie mark. How original. Ooh! He forgot the Flutter-bat ears "♫See my accolades slowly fade away, Blood is boiling, souls is spoiling. Nothing wrong with me, art of cruelty. Nothing wrong with me.♫" "Something clearly is!" Deadpool commented. The pegasus gave Deadpool an angered look "♫Nothing wrong with me.♫ "You sure about that? Please, I have problems too!" "♫Nothing wrong with me.♫" "Fine! I'll sing with you!" "♫See my accolades slowly fade away, Blood is boiling, souls is spoiling.♫" They both sang together "♫Nothing wrong with me, art of cruelty. Nothing wrong with me.♫" "♫Finally I see.♫" The pegasus sang on his own "♫Nothing wrong with me, nothing wrong with me, nothing wrong with me. Nothing wrong with me, nothing wrong with me. Muse of Discord sees, finally I'm free!♫" Muse? It's a word. Well no s**t Sherlock! Ugh! It's a noun which is used for inspiration. So? "FINALLY!!!" Discord yelled, appearing and holding the pegasus in the sky "A fan who makes music instead of chasing me all day!" "SENPAI!!!" ILoveKimPossibleALot yelled "NO!!!" She went from a sad look to a serious scrunch face and stared at the other pegasus. Deadpool's alarm for a midnight snack went off. "Oops!" Deadpool spoke "My bad! Who are you, by the way?" "What!?" The stallion asked "I'm the Muse of Discord!" "No you're not!" a woman's voice yelled "I am!!!" In a puff of smoke, Screwball appeared "He's my senapi!!!" Kim yelled, flying & landing onstage. "Well he's my daddy!!!" "He's my muse." M.O.D. added. They all growled at each other, but were distracted by a key. "How about this," Discord spoke, dangling the key from his tail "whoever holds the key until sunrise will let me be whoever they want me to be." "...just hold this key?" Kim asked "Until the morning-" M.O.D. added "and from each other?" Screwball added. The three stared at the key. Deadpool pulled a pistol out and fired it into the air! M.O.D. took the key and ran away! "Get back here!!!" Kim yelled, chasing him "For my father!" Screwball yelled, chasing after them. A protal opened up, and they all entered, now wearing pirate outfits with a sord of their own. M.O.D. as Jack Sparrow, Kimpossible as second guy, and Screwball as lover boy. "Oh wait... THE KEY!!!" M.O.D. yelled, running after the wheel! Both Screwball and Kim clashed their swords together, as another portal opened up, sucking them all in! M.O.D. fell into the wheel again, but all three crashed into what was a giant wall, leaving the wooden wheel in pieces & splinters. The key was a foot from each of them. Deadpool walked up and picked up the key. "TIME'S UP!!!" Discord yelled "At last!" Deadpool yelled, as a flash of lightning came down and zapped him, making him wear a He-man outfit. Pointing his sword at them, all that came out of his sword wasn't lasers or lightning, but some streamers. "...This just got weird." Kim commented "So... We're worthless?" M.O.D. asked "Does that mean I'm now adopted!?!?!" Screwball yelled in fear. "NO!" Deadpool yelled "I give all thee title of... whatever you are to Discord." "WHAT!?" Discord yelled. Deadpool kicked the rubble off of the ponies. "Go and do what you love to do with Discord." "DADDY!!!" Screwball yelled "SEPNAI!!!" Kim yelled. "SELFIE!!!" Deadpool yelled, picking up M.O.D. and taking a picture with him. Do you know what I just recognized. What? Where is his Sister and mother? ... what? This: Author's Note While you're waiting for the next chapter, please, enjoy some of my other fics: Dragonfire Mares in Black Too long title And the Alicorn Origins (though it's cancelled) After the Fact: Only Hippogriff, SilverquillDeadpool stood on the back of an angered looking Luna, who flew through the sky, heading back to the Canterlot castle! "Go my trusty steed!" Deadpool yelled "Make haste for the cake gobbler!!!" Luna grumbled to herself in anger. Hey! Stuffy! Ugh... what is it? I have a question. Is it about if we should do something sexual on Luna? ... As much as I would like to say that, but no, this is actually more of a social question. ... A social question!? Are you crazy, or did something kill him? I'm pretty sure I'm still crazy, but my question is this: Why do we enjoy crossovers? That's... a pretty good question. I'm sorry, but I can't explain that on my own. "But I know someone who can help us!" Deadpool spoke. "See ya Mooncheeks!" Deadpool jumped off Luna's back and disappeared in a puff of red smoke. "Oh thank goodness!!!" Luna exclaimed. At Fluttershy's house, the particular pegasus was having tea with what looked liked a griffin, but had the hind of a pony. The top of his head all the way to his chest was covered in white feathers, followed by a light brown color on the coat & wings, having talons on his front legs, but his back was a pony's plot area, where it was a lighter shade of brown, had yellow, work horse looking hooves, and a white tail. "Oh my," Fluttershy spoke "I've never meet a griffin as nice as you." "Please," he replied "I am no griffin, but a Hippogriff." "Hippogriff?" "Easy as this: you're right about my front being that of a griffin's, but on my... back area, I am a pony with a cutie mark, like you!" "How fascinating! Why aren't there more like you?" He paused and stared awkwardly. "Um... you see... uh-" Deadpool appeared in a puff of smoke, piledriving Justin Beiber onto their table and destroying it! "RKO!!!" Deadpool yelled We're doing that joke again? "DEADPOOL!?" Fluttershy yelled in a state of panic "What are you doing here!?" "This!" Deadpool ran to Fluttershy & picked her up in a warm hug, gently squeezing her and scratching behind her ears. The pegasus mare quickly calmed down and began to doze off. Being Careful as possible, she was placed into her bed. She's so cute when she's asleep! Deadpool returned to the Hippogriff, who only stared with one of his eyes twitching. "Silverquill?" Deadpool asked. The Hippogriff shook his head. "That's me." He replied "Care to an episode about Crossovers?" "Well... I would... but-" Deadpool pulled out his shotgun "But!?" "...LET'S GET TO IT!!!" *Insert an image of Deadpool riding on Silverquill's back as Silver navigates through a battlefield of lasers as Deadpool fires at the Death Battle competitors* "Okay," Silverquill began "If any you don't know what a Crossover is, it's usually about two or more characters, usually different heroes meeting each other for the first time. Usually, each side comes from any location, whether it would be a different time in history, a different country, or, in many cases, from different worlds or universes, usually different franchises. Of course, that's used in today's time, whereas olden crossovers are used in old Greek legends." "Hold on a second," Deadpool spoke "So are you telling me that there was a story of something like Hercules and Perseus rowing a boat together?" "Well... not like that. Most of these crossovers were usually short, containing a sentence or a small conversation between the two, sometimes, it's just referencing someone." "So... it's more like being a cameo or a reference rather than a true crossover?" "Exactly! Though they weren't famous nor used a lot until comic books!" "True that!" "Of course, these are usually shared universes from the same comic company. You're really suitable to the famous Marvel Superheroes & villains, right?" "Hell ya! I still keep in good contact with my best friend, Spider-Man!" "See, that's what's special about this. Comic books usually do this as a means to expand their world, make it more alive and feel connected rather than each hero doing their own thing, which would still be exciting, but not as full of life. The real problem, something that I may enjoy, is the continuity: to understand why these heroes are like this with each other, you need to read past issues until they first meet, and even then, you may need to read past issues as to what lead them to meet each other.This is really time consuming, usually expensive, and, can actually not be fun... at least until they release a comic collection in which that saga is in order. But fret not people, Comics aren't the only thing noticable for crossovers, but many others." "Yeah! Just check out the Video game crossovers with ME in Marvel Vs. Capcom 3!" "How... did you do that!?" "'Cause I'm Deadpool!" "Well... okay... but that's just one thing. Videogames are really excusable for their crossovers, since we have a lot of fun and, since we're not really in it for the plot but for the gameplay, this excuses the weak stories. "Unless you're Angry Joe or Mortal Kombat Vs. DC Universe!" "Oh please... don't remind me of that." "No promises! And while we're on the subject, we can't forget how T.V. does crossovers as well!!!" "Hey... where's the Simpsons-Futurama crossover?" "Ugh... I don't to sound like Paleosteno, but he's right." "Well... wanna show off some movie crossovers?" "...Nah." "Why not?" "With some exceptions as Who Framed Roger Rabbit and The Avengers, most crossover films have been notjhing but the 'Vs' titled movies." "And... is that a bad thing?" "Let's see here... Alien vs Predator, King Kong vs Godzilla, Freddy vs Jason, and now, Batman vs Superman... yeah... they all suck!!!" "And why do they suck?" "They all have one thing: a third party!" "Third party?" "Usually a group that we as the audience are FORCED to watch instead of, oh, I don't know, the thing we ACTUALLY paid to see!!! Seriously, this is almost as bad as MrAquino's own 'Humanizing Effect' in movies." "Humanizing Effect?" "The thing that isn't nor doesn't look like a human will not get the screen time, but become more or less secondary characters to their own movie. Case in point: Godzilla, Michael Bay's Teenage Mutant Ninja tortoises, and the Transmorphers." "...OH! That makes a lot of sense!" "And as for the Avengers... you're lucky I'm not in the mood of killing you, and yourself are an awesome guy, but... I think we should end this chapter." "Chapter? What do you-" Deadpool grabbed Silverquill and took a selfie with him! "Oh... just a selfie? Weird. Well, I'm Silverquill, and I like to say-" "MICHAEL BAY-SPLOSION!!!" Author's Note Silverquill's channel! If you're reading this Silver, go on, YOU ARE AWESOME AND HILARIOUS!!! (Apologies for the explosion, though) Anyways, some news for you all: Phoenix Comic Con.. If you are going over there, please, feel free to meet me in person! Feel free to give me any gift (just as long as it isn't NSFW) or request me for anything from a photo op, a challenge in any videogame, or just to ask me any question regarding "Deadpool in Equestria" or any other of my works, please, feel free to do so. My father won't be going, but I'll be with my cousin (except Sunday) and, exclusively to Saturday & Sunday, I'll be with my Best Friend Matt Cooner, A.K.A., MadGamer1228. If you don't know what I look like, 26:45. I'll have a goatee and shaven head during the event. Who should Deadpool meet next!? While that's happening, HIT IT!!! Not-so-epic rapping: (Probably only Zebra) Zecora. Not-so-epic rapping: (Probably only Zebra) Zecora. Deadpool fell from the sky in a ball of fire, screaming in a high pitch voice as the song This Girl is on fire is playing in super fast motion, going normal when this in slow motion. He was fired right into the Everfree forest, where a particular zebra returned to her home, only to hear the fast music playing and man screaming like a woman. She turned around, only to see a ball of fire heading right towards her. She quickly ran into her literal tree house and slammed the door behind her, hearing the ball of fire land right beside her house. After a few moments, she exited her home, only to see a large skid mark to something near her home. She followed the skid mark, only to see Deadpool standing, patting himself from the fire. "What do we have here?" She asked "Is that Deadpool in the clear?" Deadpool turned around with an annoyed look. "No." He replied "I'm Super-Man! I'm here to make your lives less hopeful, have countless civilians killed, visualize your worst fears of urban terrorism, and overcome my first villain by murdering him with my bare hands!" An awkward silence and stare was made. "The last one, everyone saw, but the rest is below your law." "Yeah... I know. I'm a much better example than Man of Steel! Wait... who are you?" "Zecora is my name, and rhyming is my game." "..." Did she really reference Sonic? I'm actually surprised that we didn't meet her when we first came here. "I see you are surprised," she spoke "but you are filled with a lot of pride. I can tell that you have done a lot of crime, but yet, you still enjoy to rhyme." "Of course I rhyme! Drop it!" Unfortunately, Deadpool sucks at trying to freestyle. Zecora stared at him awkwardly, hearing the very crude and... gay rapping. "Your rapping is weak, perhaps you may practice for the next week." "Please! Give me a chance!" The Rap chances you had were gay as f**k. HA! GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! "You both helped out with those as well!" Deadpool yelled to his mind. Zecora stared at him "If learning from me is what you want to find," She replied, turning to enter her house "please, enter and relieve the voices that is your mind." "Good! It's time that I don't need them to gang up on me." We 'gang up' on you to prove how wrong you are. He does. I just like to break you.... like a kit-kat bar! Deadpool groaned to himself and entered Zecora's hut, which brought in the memories of both Black Panther & Storm... and how Deadpool attacked their kingdom to take some vibranium to test if it would be the best... um... never mind. "What the f**k is wrong with you!" At least they don't have television nor allowed foreigners to enter with recording devices. Why is that? Their way of life and... well... think any white person. Think Paula Deen. What do you- OH! You mean like what every white person says? Yup. We'd be called 'Racist'. We're not racist! We kill everyone equally! We're White, we fight like an Asian, we eat like a Mexican, and We have a good time like Ni- "Why are you so silent?" Zecora interrupted, balancing a tray with cups of tea on her head "Is your mind really on a riot?" I'm so glad she interrupted. "Um... not really." Deadpool replied, taking a seat on her table "Please, do not lie, or else, you'll cry." Deadpool mocked a famous Rage Face. Zecora stared into his eyes "Do not test your luck, or else, you will get fu-" "So how about that tea!? I am so curious about it! I've never had Equestria tea before, and I've never had your tea before! Twilight told me how she loved having your tea." She didn't. "Hm... what is say is really true, and I'd like to get to know you." She took her seat in front of Deadpool and gave him his cup of tea. Good old Wade pulled the bottom of his mask and sipped his tea, getting a taste of multiple flavors, all of which, were- "B****IN'!!!" "...Is that a compliment? If not, I'm not sure what that meant." "Oh it is! Perhaps I should have some more tea with the cake gobbler next time I'm in Canterlot. In the canterlot castle. Celestia licked her lips as she was about to eat a slice of cake. She froze as her ears twitched in the sky. "For some weird reason," She spoke to herself "I'm going to throw Deadpool into Tartarus for something." Back at Zecora's hut. The two were drunk as f**k and... WHAT THE!?!?!? How did you both get drunk this fast!?!?!? I have yet to understand this. Just go with the flow! Hey! Both of you! Knock it off! ... Fine. A knock was heard on the door, followed by the door opening. "Howdy Zecora!" Applebloom spoke, entering the house with a basket of apples on her head "Ah got those apples you needed for yer next... potion." Applebloom stared in silence as he saw both Deadpool and Zecora dressed up as characters from Harry Potter. "Potions!?" Deadpool asked "Yo! Drop the beat!" The two danced to the beat below, followed by the small filly, who was dressed up as the boy who lived. Author's Note Wow... I was not thinking with this one... THANKS COMIC CON!!! Let's rock this joint! Let's rock this joint! Deadpool came out of his house, coughing and spitting out smoke after his lone time with Tree Hugger. Hree Hugger came out with her eyes still halfway closed, totally blissed the f**k out. "It was so fun being with you, Deadpool." She said "We should hang out sometime." "... it's 11 o'clock." Deadpool replied, all f**ked up. "Don't worry, you'll get used to it after a while." She walked away, leaving a Deadpool on the floor with a serious case of the munchies. Shall we do it? We shall do it. CLEAR!!! An electric shock was sent around Deadpool's body, making Deadpool twitch on the floor. He rested on the floor for a moment, then reopned his eyes. "What the f**k happened?" You were having some nice herbs with Tree Hugger. For the last few days! MrAquino's been busy without you! "He's WHAT!?!?!?" Unless you want to stay alive, you can't kill him. "Mother f**ker! Alright, what do we need to do?" Derpy landed near Deadpool with a letter. "Letter from the Princess for you, Deadpool!" She announced. Deadpool took the letter away and opened it. "Oh... sweet... baby faust. TICKETS TO THE GRAND GALLOPING GALA!!!" "Did somepony say something about a ticket!?" a collection of voices asked. His Taco squad appeared, each smiling wildly! "Oh yeah! And I already know how we're going to enter there!" That Night Celestia and Twilight stood near the entrance to their castle, watching Ponies enter. "Are you sure you want Deadpool here?" Twilight asked "Of Course I do, Twilight." Celestia replied "After all, if Discord could make things greater, I want to see what Deadpool will bring in with him!" Everyone froze as Deadpool, followed by his Taco squad, enter with Psy's Gentleman playing. Celestia became excited and Joined Deadpool in his dancing & his shenanigans! Celestia caught her breath as Deadpool laid on her back. "That," Celestia said with a breath "was fun!" "I never saw you as the fun type, Sun butt." Deadpool replied. "On events like these is where I can truly express myself." "Ah! Always with the bureaucratic crap and not with me?" "More or less, yeah." Another portal opened above the ballroom! "Oh boy! What other ponies are we getting this time! I hope it's Molestia!" Really? Hey! We got Blue balls here! The portal spewed out four humans, all recognizable by their silhouettes. Deadpool's eye twitched. "You know them?" Celestia asked "I worked with them before." "Deadpool!" An all too familiar grunt yelled for him "Where the hell are you!" "Aw s**t! It's my weapon X homies: Wolverine, Sabertooth, Lady Deathstrike, and Omega Red!" "There he is!" Sabertooth yelled "GET HIM!!!" "Run!" Deadpool slapped Celestia's plot and she ran! The Weapon X crew followed Deadpool & the princess "Princess!!!" Twilight yelled, following the group! "Sister!" Luna yelled, following Twilight. "Let's get them!" Rainbow Dash yelled! The Mane 6, some of the guards (including the waifu thief), Deadpool's taco squad, and pretty much nearly all of the character in this story ran and chased the group in a large group chase with Yakety Sax playing. The result were many things happening, from not just misplaced characters chasing the chased, but other things including: Celestia & Luna riding Deadpool, Discord in a boat with the Taco squad reenacting the crossing the Delaware painting, Octavia & Vinyl wearing the helmets of Daft Punk while on the backs of the R-Dash 5000 & Sweetie Bot, the Cutie Mark Crusaders battling Gilgamesh, Dan running with lit up TNT & chasing The Weapon X people, The T.A.R.D.I.S. randomly going through with Derpy & the Doctor chasing it, Shaggy and Scooby Doo appearing out of nowhere, and- HEY!!! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!! Alright... well... The Weapon X members were knocked out by... something. "Yeah!" Deadpool "Suck it!" "Suck what?" Twilight asked "DEEZ NUTS!!!" HA! GOT EEM!!! ...Seriously? "What... happened?" Omega red asked "You failed at getting your own movie!" Deadpool 'answered'. "...Deadpool?" Lady Deathstrike asked "Are we... in a land of horses?" "Ponies." Luna corrected. "...So... you were telling the truth?" Wolverine asked "Duh!" Deadpool replied "Do I lie all the time!?" "Yes." Everyone answered. "... Damn." "Hey Deadpool," Pinkie spoke "Do you know what I just noticed?" "What?" "You haven't had a update in a long while! Is the narrator busy with something?" "...HOLY S**T!!! You're right!!! YO!!! What cha doin'!?" Well... Deadpool. Sorry for not updating you, but I've been busy with some stories that will soon become one huge story. These, as of right now, include: The Best Treasure of all time, The Great and Legend-Wait for it... Dary Trixie!, and Dredd's New Armor. "WHOAH!!! AN M RATED STORY!?!?!? And I'm still Teen rating!?" ...You can work as a bit of a tween's idol, much better than Michael Bay's Transformers. "...And I will agree with that. OH! Can I be one of them!?" ...maybe, but they need to vote. "VOTE FOR ME!!! I WANT TO RAISE MY OWN PINKIE PIE!!! ... oh! and hit it!!!" Welcome to Jack@$$!!! Donkeys 1&2: Cranky and Matilda Welcome to Jack@$$!!! Donkeys 1&2: Cranky and Matilda It was early in the morning. Celestia's sun rose, bringing light across the land of Equestria and Ponyville. In the outskirts of Ponyville, a lone house was there, and Deadpool was- DEADPOOL!!! STOP DOING THAT TO THAT DOOR!!! "What!?" He asked "I'm Knocking!" You're humping the door! 'Oh Come on! There's a hole there! I think we can fit it in! That hole is small. Well... shall we become Asian for this? "THAT'S RACIST!!!" "Who's out there?" An angered voice asked. "OM MY GOD!!! Captain Ginyu!!!" The door slammed open and two familiar looking Donkeys stood there. "...What do you want?" Ginyu donkey asked. "...This!!! HIT IT!!!" a bunch of ponies came around, each dressed up as if they were in the 1770's. Deadpool also sported a horse riding suit. "SWAG!!!" Deadpool yelled, jumping off the stage and ridding himself of the suit! The Donkey's stared at him, both making a confused face. "You said it." Deadpool replied. He froze. "Hey! Was the video really necessary?" Look, I'm just trying to work on your chapter for a bit, and even then, I completely forgot about Celestia banishing you to Tartarus. "Tartarus? What the hell are you-" "TO TARTARUS!!!" Celestia yelled. With an overused 'Poof' sound effect, Deadpool disappeared. Deadpool found himself in Tartarus, seeing the dark cave. "Well... it can't be that bad." Oh Really? I think Pharrell Williams will Disagree. "Pharrell Williams? Wait!!! You mean-" Then the song Happy played. "NO!!! NO!!! MAKE IT STOP!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MAKE IT STOP!!!" Perhaps in a week. Busy with some stuff. See you later. "YOU SON OF A B-" Little b***h!Little b***h! Alright, back to Deadpoolness. Where did we leave off? Oh! Right! Deadpool was... uh... Deadpool... what are you- "WHAT THE F**K MAN!!!" Deadpool yelled, putting his phone away "You're really into that type of s**t!?" Um... Deadpool, I have no idea what you're- "Will be snack for bits!? Talk about desperate! I have blueballs here, and I'm not complaining about it! Hell, I even destroyed that boombox you stashed in here repeating that Happy song on repeat!" THANK GOD FOR THAT!!! I prefer the parody. Who doesn't? ... People who are into this type of stuff. I was hoping you wouldn't find that. "AND YOU LOST, LITTLE B***H!!!" ... Alright, you won that one. Shall we continue and not argue each other? "No guarantees!" Fine. Alright, Deadpool heard a familiar man scream in the distance with some roaring. Looking over a cliff, Deadpool saw a familiar man battling against some pony looking shadows: TASKMASTER!!! "GET AWAY FROM ME!!!" Task yelled, slicing a demon's head off. "OI!!!" Deadpool yelled "TASKMASTER!!!" Task looked up and froze with fear. "Oh hell no!!! I'm am in hell!!! Back off, Deadpool!!!" Deadpool teleported right behind Taskmaster and shot at some demons that were charging at Task from behind. "Relax! We're in this together!" "WHAT!?!?!?" "HIT IT!!!" The shadows surrounded Deadpool and Taskmaster. The two pulled their swords out and began to fight off the demons: Deadpool using all his wackiness went into a blurry circle, slicing the demons while Taskmaster used his sword and shield to battle against the oncoming shadows. Some of the shadows jumped into each other and formed into larger shadows, most now assuming a more human looking form of the two. The rest of the shadow ponies were offed by Deadpool & taskmaster, but their bodies twitched and formed into either two swords or a sword & a shield. Both Deadpool & Taskmaster were back to back, both holding back a shadow. "It's no use!!!" Taskmaster yelled "There's too many of them! And I think they're learning!" Did he forget who we are? Let's show him a little Kingdom Hearts 2 Action! "TOGETHER!!!" Deadpool yelled. "What do you-" before Taskmaster could ask, he pulled out his two uzis along with Deadpool, the two went back to back, and fired at the demons in patterns, with Deadpool teleporting everywhere, confusing the shadows on where they were until all the demons were now gone! GET BONUS! *Shadow Form! GET BONUS! Maximum Defense increased "Ooh! Shadow Form!!!" Deadpool exclaimed to his new stats. Taskmaster breathed hard, then looked up to Deadpool. "Deadpool?" He asked "W-what the hell just happened?" "A duo move! I think we shall call that... Teli-shooter!!!" That's... not half bad, actually. It could be worse. "What brings you here?" Deadpool asked "I wasn't brought here," Task replied "I was sucked in here by some portal. Truth be told, I thought someone killed you when you were gone, but after seeing this, I can see you're far from gone." "UNLIKE YOUR FANBASE!!!" Deadpool posed while some 8-bit glasses fell over his eyes, some music played, everything went black & white, and the captions 'Thug Life' came into view. Taskmaster blinked for a few seconds. "Yep... it's really you." "Hey! Don't be dissin' me and my crew! You want to escape from this crib!?" "Uh... sure... my homie." "Good!" "But, where are we?" "We are in Tartarus, so the exit out of here is a cave!" "...A cave?" "Hey! Do you want to be left behind for those living shadow things?" "Uh... no. But I don't think we-" Deadpool grabbed Taskmaster and the two were near the exit of the cave. "Can... do... it." "Uh huh! That's what I thought gurl!" Loud howling was heard. "What the hell was that!?" "That be Cerberus!" "Cerberus!? THE CERBERUS!?!?!? What are we going to do!?" "Just stand still and watch." "Alright, if you say- OOOHHHH!!!" Deadpool punched Taskmaster in his nuts, making him fall to the floor and roll in pain. "THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!!! ... Woop Woop Woop!" Deadpool ran out of Tartarus. "Hold on! I almost forgot my selfies!" He teleported to a restaurant in Ponyville, where Cranky and Matilda were having a romantic dinner. Deadpool swiped the toupee off Cranky's head!!! *Derpy yells last* While everypony was yelling bald, Deadpool took a selfie with the two love birds before running away! Celestia was sitting in her room, eating more cake while drinking tea. She stopped as he heard some music playing and Luna running away from it. "Leave me alone!" Luna yelled. "Swiggity Swooty, I'm Coming For That Booty!" Deadpool's voice repeated as Luna entered Celestia's room, chased by Deadpool and the Foxy animatronic. "Swiggity Swooty, I'm Coming For That Booty! Swiggity Swooty, I'm Coming For That Booty! Swiggity Swooty, I'm Coming For That Booty! Swiggity Swooty, I'm Coming For That Booty! Swiggity Swooty, I'm Coming For That Booty! Swiggity Swooty, I'm Coming For That Booty! Swiggity Swooty, I'm Coming For That Booty!" Celestia blinked for a few moments, then shrugged. "Why did I even bother banishing him in the first place?" She asked herself. Deadpool teleported right in front of her, grabbed the Princess by the back of her head, and kissed her like a cartoon character, making the Princess blush and swing her hooves around. Deadpool released Celestia from his kiss and slapped her on her flank area. "BOOTY!!!" Deadpool yelled before teleporting away. Celestia stared blank faced. "N-No pony's kissed me like that before." Author's Note Back guys. I'm pretty sure Taskmaster is fine... maybe. Who should Deadpool meet next? TWENAI JUAN!!! Pony #107 & 108: Ms. Cheerilee and Big MacintoshSomewhere, in ponyville's park, the silent stallion named Big Macintosh sat in front of Ponyville's local teacher, Ms. Cheerilee. The sun was setting in the distance, and the two stared into each other's eyes. "Big Mac?" Cheerilee asked "Eeyup." The stallion replied "I... just want to tell you something." "Eeyup." She got closer. "You... promise not to tell anypony?" "Eeyup." She was nearly touching his muzzle. "You... you have something stuck in your teeth." "OH COME ON!!!" Deadpool yelled, popping out of the bush, recording the two. "F**K EACH OTHER!!! THIS WOULD'VE BEEN GREAT ON YOUTUBE!!!" "WHAT THE-!?" "Nope!" Big Mac yelled. Deadpool teleported next to the two. "Come on!" Deadpool yelled, still recording the two "The cloppers need to see your own Big Mac, Big Mac!" The two ponies looked to each other and Cheerilee nodded. Big Mac turned around. "Oh yeah! Show everyone your-" The stallion, with a swift kick from his back leg, kicked Deadpool in his nuts!!! Deadpool screamed like a little b***h and fell to the floor, rolled into a ball, whimpering to himself. "Eeyup." The stallion said. "Did we go too far?" Cheerilee asked "...My lower area!" Deadpool whimpered "My... diamonds... my joy... my homies... my n***as... my... my..." "Your what?" Deadpool stood right up, almost as if nothing happened. "DEEZ NUTS!!! HA!!! GOT EEM!!!" That joke again? Any joke can work until it's murdered by either Adam Sandler or overused on the internet! It IS overused. There's exceptions. "Oh... I guess he's fine then." Cheerilee commented. "Eeyup." Big Mac deadpanned. Deadpool teleported inbetween the two and grabbed both by the back of their heads "NOW KISS!!!" Deadpool yelled "KISS LIKE IN MY FANFICS!!!" Cheerilee and Big Mac used all their strength to stop each other from kissing. They both stomped on Deadpool's feet, making the Merc let them go and fall to the floor with the 'When your legs don't work like they used to before' song bit playing. "...ow." Deadpool simply said. Big Mac and Cheeilee backed away from the Merc. "I'm so sorry for this," Cheerilee said "but I didn't invite him over. Did you?" "Nope." big Mac replied "Strange. Why is here?" Deadpool snapped his head backwards. "TO GET YOU BOTH LAID!!!" Deadpool yelled. He stood right up and snapped his head back in place. "Though you both need help. Big Mac: you don't think you're the stud she wants to be. And you, Cheerilee, you don't think you're the mare you want him to be, right?" They both sweated, awkwardly smiled, and rubbed the back of their heads. "Luckily for you, I offer help! Let's go, big guy!" "...What?" Big Mac asked. Deadpool teleported onto Big Mac's back, wearing a famous cowboy's outfit. "RIDE LIKE THE WIND, BULLSEYE!!!" Deadpool slapped Big Mac in his plot, causing him to run with a horses whinny. "I'll make you sexy, Cheerilee!!!" Big Mac and Deadpool stood in the field of Sweet Apple acres with Applejack and Applebloom. "Alright," Deadpool said "we're just going through a montage to get this done. HIT IT!!!" Applebloom pressed the play button on a boombox and the beat to a certain Trey Parker movie played. Deadpool Crazy Stuffy All three HEY! What makes a man, is it the power in his hands? Is it his quest for glory? Give it all you've got, to fight to the top. So we can know your story! Now you're a man, a man, man, man! Now you're a man, a manly, manly man. A man, man, man. You are now a man, you're a man. Now you're a man! LIVE IT, LIVE IT! What makes a man, is it the woman in his arms? Just cause she has big t*****s? Or is it the way, he fights every day? ...No, it's probably the t*****s! Now you're a man, a man, man, man. Now you're a ma-man, a ma-ma-ma-ma-man. Now you're a man, M-A-N man, man. man, man, maan. Now you're a man! With Big Mac... looking relatively the same... Deadpool rushed over to Cheerilee, seeing her in the spa with the twins, Fluttershy, and Rarity! "What are you doing to Miss Cheerilee?" Rarity asked. "Helping her!" Deadpool replied, getting a bucket of water. "Now hold still!" He splashed the bucket of water all over Cheerilee, making her mane go down & wet. "And done!" "...is that it?" Cheerilee asked "You don't have boobs, so I can't help much more. RARITY!!! DRESS!!! This is our big night!" Big Mac waited in the custodial, as Cheerilee entered, wearing a.. oh mama! "Sexy, ain't it?" Deadpool asked Uh... I usually don't say it... but... yeah... it is. "So... you gonna do it?" WHAT!?!? HELL NO!!! "Your loss." Uh... well... you're stupid! "I ain't stupid!" "Deadpool?" Cheerilee asked "Who are you talking to?" "Nothing Cheerliee! ... I'll get back to you later." Have fun with that. "I must say," Cheerilee commented "You do have a strange taste in things." "Well shucks!" Deadpool blushed "Where did you get your education from?" "Uh... downtown." "...Downtown? Deadpool... did you... oh Sweet Celestia!" She ran to Deadpool and tackled him "You never went to school, did you!?" "I did! I am smarter than the others!" "Alright then, who was the leader of Equestria before Celestia!?" "Um... Lebron James?" "...No. What was the ancient fruit our ancestors ate before hay!?" "Uh...Pears?" "Wrong! One question left. What's 9 plus 10?" Don't you dare say 21!!! We won't, we'll go with the alternate. NO!!! DON'T SAY- "Eleven!" Deadpool answered. Cheerilee's eyebrows flattened. "You're going to school tomorrow." She said. "WHAT!?!?!? N-" Before he could do the Darth Vader 'no!' joke, Big Mac knocked him out. "Thank you, Big Mac." "Eeyup!" The stallion replied. "Shall... we continue?" The two continued their date together, knocking out Deadpool out every once in a while. "Eeyup." This is how you rap! Pony #109 & 110: Snips and SnailBored. That's the word Deadpool thought of: Bored. He sat in the very back desk, struggling to keep himself awake as Miss Cheerilee discussed about Equestria's history. He was very lucky that the Cutie Mark Crusaders were there, though they were more interested in the lesson Miss Cheerilee was teaching. As much as he wanted to, he could't football kick both Diamond Tiara & Silver Spoon to see who can go the furthest. UGH!!! We can learn this with those MLP Comics!!! We really can't rely on them. WHY NOT!?!?!? Because we'll be distracted with the pictures AND the show never acknowledges the comics Whatsoever. So the show will have a different explanation whatsoever. Deadpool groaned to himself and fell asleep on his desk. "Deadpool!" Cheerilee yelled. Deadpool snorted himself awake! All the kids laughed at him. The kids still snickered at him. "Deadpool?" Cheerilee asked "Have you been paying attention?" "Uh... yeah." Deadpool replied "If so, who was the King of the Earth Pony Kingdom before Sir Hooffington the great." "Uh... Sir Hoofington the not-so-great?" "... Correct! I'm glad to see you're learning!" "LIKE A BOSS!!!" Cheerilee walked to the front of the class. "Alright my little ponies! You know what today is?" It's Fri- NO!!! "SHOW AND TELL DAY!!!" All the kids yelled "Correct! Now Everypony, show us what you have and tell the class about it! And remember: No weapons!" "Aww!" Deadpool and the CMC groaned. "Well... I got my other self to show." Sweetie Belle said, taking Sweetie Bot out of her backpack. "I love myself!" Sweetie Bot spoke in it's robot voice. "I got Rainbow Dash's other self!" Scootaloo spoke, pulling the R-Dash 5000 out of her backpack. "Swag!" The robot said. "And I got this!" Applebloom added, pulling out an apple. "...Really?" Deadpool asked. "At least mine is a screamer." Deadpool sat through many of the kids presentations. The CMC showed off their stuff, Sweetie Belle & Scootaloo getting awed while Applebloom was just a groan, the two b***es showed off how great they were, and the rest were forgettable. The last three were Deadpool and Snips & Snails. When they got up, they rapped and it was so awful, Deadpool- "That rap was so bad," Deadpool interrupted "I think my cancer was doubled!!!" In Luna's room. Princess Luna's ears perked up as Deadpool said those words. "Why did we even say that?" she asked herself. She levitated a videogame controller and began to play Fallout 3 Cheerilee's school "Oh yeah!" Snips proclaimed "What you know about rapping?" "Yeah!" Snails added "You ain't hip as us!" "I ain't as hip as you?" Deadpool proclaimed "I'LL SHOW YOU HIP!!!" He pulled out two CDs and threw both into the R-Dash 5000 and Sweetie Bot's 'mouth' area. Music began to play as soon as the robots sang together, doing the robot dance. The Robots Deadpool Snips Snails intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Another dimension, another dimension, Another dimension, another dimension, Another dimension, another dimension, Another dimension, another dimension, Another dimension, another dimension, Another dimension, another dimension Well, now, don't you tell me to smile! You stick around, I'll make it worth your while! Got numbers beyond what you can dial! Maybe its because I'm so versatile! Style, profile, I said! It always brings me back when I hear, "ooh child"! From The Hudson River out to the Nile! I run the marathon 'til the very last mile! Well, if you battle me, I will revile! People always sayin' my style is wild! You've got gall, you've got guile! To step to me, I’m a rapophile If you wanna battle, you're in denial! Comin' from Uranus to check my style! Go ahead; put my rhymes on trial! Cast you off into exile! Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic Jazz and AWOL, that's our team! Step inside the party, disrupt the whole scene! When it comes to beats, well, I'm a fiend! I like my sugar with coffee and cream Well, I gotta keep it goin', keep it goin' full steam! Too sweet to be sour; too nice to be mean! Well, on the tough guy style, I'm not too keen! Trying to change the world, I will plot and scheme Mario C likes to keep it clean! Goin' to shine like a sunbeam! Keep on rapping, cause that's my dream! Got an A from Moe Dee for sticking to themes Now when it comes to envy, ya'll is green! Jealous of the rhyme and the rhyme routine! Another dimension, new galaxy! Intergalactic planetary! Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic We're from the family tree of old school hip-hop! Kick off your shoes and relax your socks! The rhymes will spread just like a pox! Cause the music is live, like an electric shock I am known to do the wop! Also known for the Flintstone Flop! Tammy D getting biz on the crop (crop)! Beastie Boys known to let the beat "MMM, D-r-r-rop!" Now when I wrote graffiti, my name was Slop! If my rap's soup, my beats is stock! Step from the table when I start to chop! I'm the lumberjack, DJ Adrock If you try to knock me, you'll get mocked! I'll stir fry you in my wok! Your knees'll start shaking and your fingers pop! Like a pinch on the neck from Mr. Spock Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Another dimension, another dimension, Another dimension, another dimension, Another dimension, another dimension, Another dimension, another dimension, Another dimension, another dimension, Another dimension, another dimension The class stared in Awe as Deadpool was in his best gangster outfit. They clapped for him. "Thank you for that performance, Deadpool!" Cheerilee cheered "You made this the best show and tell ever!" "That!?" Deadpool asked "That wasn't my show and tell." The class murmured to each other. "Well... what is it." Deadpool smiled under his mask. Oh Don't it./color] DO IT!!! "HEY KIDS!!!" Deadpool yelled, pulling a gun to his head "WANNA SEE A DEAD BODY!?!?!?" Deadpool pulled the trigger, a bullet went through his skull, leaving a splatter of blood on the wall, and his body feel to the floor, limbless. The children stared at him for a few moments, then screamed, causing a wide panic at the school. Even Cheerilee screamed at what Deadpool did. Oh my god! So worth it!!! Author's Note And that, kids, is why Deadpool never went to school again! I hate Doctors. Ponies #111- 116: Redheart, sweetheart, Dr. Stable, that kid & that other nurse, and Screwy.The sound of heart monitors beeped around Deadpool. He opened his eyes to see that he was, indeed, in Ponyville's hospital. Great! You just officially scarred those kids for life! We did say it WAS a screamer! Yeah, but after performing a pretty cool rap with those two idiots, we shoudl've just took our seats and let the class end like that. We don't play like that! Besides, when Granny Smith passes away, this will help applebloom be strong! ...You are an idiot. The doors opened and an angered Applejack, Rainbow Dash, & Rarity entered with a concerned looking cheerilee. "Ladies!" Deadpool yelled in bliss "It's so good to see you! Didn't I make that day at school 20% cooler!?" "...NO!!!" The three of the elements yelled. Applejack pulled her rope out and hogtied Deadpool up! "Whoa! You're really into some kinky stuff, ain't you?" That's not what's happening. Whew! I thought it was going to be like Brokeback mountain! "I hope not!" Deadpool yelled "I don;t want cowboy butt-" "GET 'IM!!!" Rainbow Dash yelled. Rarity levitated a baseball bat and all three ponies began to beat up Deadpool! "You ruined my sister's mind!" Rarity yelled "You made Applebloom afraid of you!" Applejack added. "You made Scoots too scared to do anything!" Rainbow Dash added. "And I'm too awesome!" Deadpool yelled, stomping with them. The three stopped and stared at Deadpool. "What in tarnation!?" Applejack yelled, looking down: instead of Deadpool, they were beating up Justin Beiber. They looked up to Deadpool and growled. Deadpool, on the other hand- "MEEP MEEP!!!" He stuck his tongue out while floating in the air for a bit, turned around, and ran away in a puff of clouds! "How does he do that!?" Rainbow Dash asked. Deadpool ran across the hospital floor, leaving behind a trail of fallen ponies in their wheel chairs (or... back leg wheels) & a mess, but stopped as he saw the newborn fillies & colts. He watched the newborns turning in their sleep, others barely opening their eyes while other just almsot stared at Deadpool, then smiled at him. He may not know a lot of thing, but he could tell that they thought of Deadpool as a father in their own eyes. It's... too... cute! Diabeetus! Deadpool stared at the cute sight for a while. "HNNG!!!" He fell to the floor. Were it not for his rapid healing, he may have actually died from cuteness, but quickly opened his eyes, seeing eye-to-eye with a white earth pony with a pink mane in a bun, wearing a nurse hat. "...Are you Deadpool?" Deadpool teleported & stood with his back at the newborns, though he now sat like a dog on a chair. "HELLO NURSE!!!" Deadpool and his voices spoke at the same time. So Dreamy! So Smart! "So Sexy." Deadpool spoke to himself, drooling a bit. "...Sir," Redheart spoke "You're drooling." "I ain't drooling. I'm just thirsty." "Really? You're way of thirst is interesting. Please, follow me and I'll show you to our nearest water fountain." Deadpool drooled even more as Redheart turned around & walked away, nearly shaking her hips & swinging her tail with each step. Only one thing came to Deadpool's mind. "That Booty!" Deadpool charged and carried Redheart into his room, slamming the door on the role models for the CMC's face! Deadpool leapt into his bed, now noticing a weird picture of... something, breaking both of his legs in the process! "Are you alright, Deadpool?" Redheart asked. "No! I just... broke a leg!" "...That's not really funny." "To me it is! Now please, my legs need help!" "Alright, calm down! Nurse Redheart's here!" She walked over to Deadpool's legs and did her best to pop them back in, but noticed- DEADPOOL!!! She's gonna do it!!! Oh no she isn't!!! "...Deadpool?" She asked (oh god, Why!?) "Is that... a horn?" "You can it that." Deadpool replied "...How long have you had it?" "All of my life!" Deadpool watched in anticipation as Redheart came to his... THAT'S IT!!! I'M OUTTA HERE!!! YOU'RE SO F**KED UP, DEADPOOL!!! Alright, now this is better! Now where were we? Oh! Yes. Shall we? "Hell yeah!" Deadpool replied "And back so quick?" Yeah. might as well suck it up. Anyways, Redheart went to Deadpool's... horn. "What do you do with it?" she asked "Multiple things." "Including magic?" "You can say it. Now, it deserves a kiss, since it has a boo-boo." "I'll give it more than a kiss." Her voice went sultry. "Oh baby! Never thought this would happen!" He rested on his back and awaited his kiss on his boo-boo. "Just don't scream." "Scream!?" Deadpool looked up and saw Redheart had an ax, ready to chop his little-pool off. Deadpool screamed and dodged the swing of her ax. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? IT'S NORMAL!!!" "No it isn't! You have lower horn disease! The only cure is to amputate it!" "It ain't a horn! That's my d**k!!! MRAQUINO!!!" Sorry, find that so funny! Deadpool ran away from Redheart and stumbled into another room, this one occupied with Doctor Stable, Nurse Sweetheart, that pink nurse, and that one kid. All 4 surrounded Screwy, who was busy barking & giving away Deadpool's spot. Deadpool threw a bone at Screwy, to which the pony caught it in air with her mouth and acted like what a dog would. "Deadpool!?" Doctor Stable asked in shock "We thought you were dead!" "Me?" Deadpool replied "Dead? HAHAHAHAHA!!!" The docs backed up a bit. "Maybe he needs help more than screwy here." Sweetheart whispered. "Good idea," the other nurse whispered back "think we should get the Tranquilizers now?" "No thanks." Deadpool whispered back, making both mares jump back a bit. He jumped onto Screwy's back and slapped her on the plot! "RIDE LIKE THE WIND, BULLSEYE!!!" Screwy ran ahead and crashed through the wall, but Deadpool fell easily. The Doc, nurses, and child surrounded him. "...Oh crap." "Get the sedatives!" Stable said to the child. The child saluted, turned, but stopped and trembled. "What's wrong? Is there-" He stopped and trembled as well. The nurses stared, trembled, and all backed away. Deadpool looked up and saw who it was: Lady Death! "Bone Cheeks!!!" Deadpool Exclaimed "Hello, Cancer cheeks." Death replied with a warm smile. "You two know each other!?" Stable asked, huddled with the nurses. "Of course we do!" Deadpool replied, getting up and hugging Death "She loves me for being the one that kills the most people!" "AND the only one who can't die." She added. She took off the bottom part of Deadpool's mask and the two kissed, literally having the kiss of death. Deadpool removed his lips from her. "Hold on... How can I see you if I'm not having a near death moment?" She giggled at his question. "Silly Wade! This land is magical in nearly every way, so seeing me shouldn't be a problem. Plus, you shot yourself in the head after being gone for a while. I can't live without my lovely psychopath and regenerating degenerate." "Oh! How sweet! ... You... uh... did you-" "I did." "...And-" "You've done worse." "Oh... well... sorry. Want me to make it up? You know I miss you." "I'm sure you did." She levitated a wheelchair & placed Deadpool in it. Deadpool took out a ukulele and played some music with some doctors in other rooms whistling to the music. As Lady Death pushed Deadpool out of the hospital, many ponies backed away from them & shivered while recently deceased ponies and other creatures rose from the dead & followed them. "♫You know I can't smile without you. I can't smile without you. I can't laugh and I can't sing. I'm finding it hard to do anything! You see I feel sad when you're sad, I feel glad when you're glad! If you only knew what I'm going through, I just can't smile without you!♫" They were outside, and the skeletons of ponies & other creatures rose & followed them, singing the song with them. "I love this song, Deadpool!" "I figured you did! After all, ♫You came along just like a song and brightened my day! Who would of believed that you were part of a dream, now it all seems light years away! And now you know I can't smile without you, I can't smile without you! I can't laugh and I can't sing, I'm finding it hard to do anything! You see I feel sad when you're sad, I feel glad when you're glad! If you only knew what I'm going through, I just can't smile! Now some people say happiness takes so very long to find! Well, I'm finding it hard leaving your love behind me! And you see I can't smile without you, I can't smile without you, I can't laugh and I can't sing; I'm finding it hard to do anything! You see I feel glad when you're glad, I feel sad when you're sad! If you only knew what I'm going through, I just can't smile without you!♫" The two made it to the house, leaving behind a trail of bones & corpses on the floor. "Shall we?" Death ask "I don't know," Deadpool replied "I mean, I have to take a selfie with everypony here, the line of bones, and-" "But we're home alone." Deadpool stared at her, then to her boobs, and back to her face. Author's Note Don't worry, Death will stay with Deadpool through this story, and perhaps a few other characters as well. Who should Deadpool meet next? And here's some good ol' Roadrunner cartoons to enjoy. AN OFFICIAL CROSSOVER!!!Both Deadpool and Lady Death woke up the next morning in a cuddle on their bed. All around the house, there was destroyed property everywhere, 69 pairs of skeletons inside the closet, each in sexy poses, and a row of Justin Beiber clones strapped to each other like in "The Human Centipede" What the hell happened last night? I have no idea! "Whatever happened last night," Deadpool said, picking up a diamond next to his bed "that was something totally f**king awesome!!!" "It was," Lady Death replied "and I think you should return that to the one called Rarity." Death got up and began to walk away. Deadpool got up from his bed, using a convenient placed sword's hilt to cover his mini-pool. "Wait! Bae! Where you going!?" She turned back to Deadpool. "I'm sorry, Wade, but I need to head back to Earth. The lack of death here can't keep me full, and if I'm not full, I will pass away, and the souls will be lost forever." "But... I can kill more, if you want!" "Oh Deadpool, you really are a sweetheart. I may be able to live a bit longer, but not forever. I'm sorry, but Earth needs me." She opened a portal, then stopped & turned back to Deadpool "And did you call me 'Bae'?" "...I did." "What does that even mean?" "Well, it means multiple things such as sweetie, baby, boyfriend or girlfriend. But I love what the Danish word means!" "And what does the Danish word of 'Bae' mean? I forgot?" Deadpool chuckled like a madman "...POOP!!!" Death smiled and giggled. "I'll love to tell the young teenagers what 'Bae' means after dying to impress their love!" "Love everyone makes everyone stupid! But it makes geniuses like us into Stephen Hawking talking dirty!" That makes no sense. Talk dirty to me! "Leedle Leedle Leedle Lee!" Deadpool yelled! Smoke came out of nowhere, covering his junk, and Deadpool proceeded to dance naked with a remix of Patrick's 'Leedle Leedle Leedle Lee' playing. "Goodbye, Deadpool." Death spoke, entering the portal back to earth. "See ya, Bone cheeks!" After Deadpool's... questionable dance, he lifted the strange looking Diamond in his hand. He had on his clothes on, removing the need of the censor bar around his privates "Where did this beauty come from?" He asked himself Maybe we stole it? That's the most logical thing you though of today. Maybe we did, but from who or where? "Eh! Who cares? It's ours now!... My a** itches!" Deadpool used the diamond and began to use it as his own butt scratcher. The diamond glowed and, up above Deadpool, a blue portal opened right above him. Are you seeing this!? "Can't... too... scratchy!" Hey! Look! A babe! "A BABE!?!?!?" Coming right on us in 3... 2... 1. Sure enough, a woman landed right onto Deadpool, making the merc land on his back and the woman landing on him with her head next to his. She got up a bit, but stopped and stared at Deadpool's face, and Deadpool stared right back: she has blonde hair with a black headband, red-orange eyes, a black scarf around her neck with both ends dangling over her shoulders, a white t-shirt under a short-cropped black jacket with gold trims, dark gray jeans, and short-cropped combat boots. They stared at each other for a few moments. She moved a bit, but felt something holding her by her... um... butt. "Can you let me go?" She asked "I'm not holding you." Deadpool replied "Yeah... sure you aren't. Like how you don't have a boner?" "What!? Get real! I'm not turned on that easily!" Deadpool looked down. "...Well s**t, I am." He teleported away right back up and patted his mini-pool back into place. She stood right back up. "Hold on: you teleport?" Deadpool turned around, not having a bulge in his pants anymore. "Hell yeah I can! The name's Deadpool: Merc with the mouth, the regenerating degenerate, or ninja spider-man are amongst some of the things folks called me back home! And what is your ability & name, miss boooooooooooooooopa?" Her eyes lowered to a fierce look. "... My name is Kat, and I can alter gravity to my will. How did I get here?" "Oh... you're not going to be mad at me, are you?" "Well... if it's on accident, I can let it slip." "Oh thank God! See, I found this weird crystal from last night after having sex with Lady Death last night. I have no idea what happened, but I got this weird Diamond from Celestia knows where, and I want to keep it because I want to make it rain, but then my butt got itchy, so I- "YOU USED MY CRYSTAL TO SCRATCH YOUR ASS!?!?!?" "...Yeah. And how did you swear?" She growled loudly and, if this were an anime, her eyes would be white with fire in her pupil's place, steam would come out, and perhaps a mental image of Kat being a literal cat chasing Deadpool as a mouse, looking like something from a Tom & Jerry Cartoon. Hold on a sec... Kat!? Haven't we heard that name before? Is it that one girl that used to work at the pink scientific theorem? "Holy S**T!!!" Deadpool yelled. He ran and grabbed Kat by her shoulders and shook her. "YOU'RE KAT FROM GRAVITY RUSH!!! OH MY SWEET BABY LUNA!!!" "You... know me?" "F**K YEAH!!! You were one of the main reasons I bought a PSVita in the first place, AND the only reason why I kept that Super Smash Boring Playstation knock off, even if you were a DLC character." "...What!?" "But where's your skimpy outfit!?" "EXCUSE ME!?!?!?" "Your black, one piece suit that covers your boobs and booty! Like... Cammy from Street Fighter!" Kat growled right at him and proceeded with an right hook across Deadpool's face! Deadpool fell to the floor and twitched like a bug, complete with a nosebleed. She's not like us. She can't see past the 4th wall like us. Then we'll show her! Deadpool stood right up & picked up Kat in his arms, jumped out of a window, and landed on Derpy's back! Derpy flew into the sky, not even giving two bucks that Deadpool had a female woman in his arms. "What the hell are you-!?" Kat began to ask, but was cut off by Deadpool. "Shh, let me show you. ♫I can show you the world! Shining, shimmering, sple-♫" Kat punched Deadpool in the nuts! Deadpool released Kat, grabbing onto his jewels, and fell to the floor, wheezing in pain while rolling on the floor. Kat levitated herself down and landed next to Deadpool. "What the hell is wrong with you!? You're as crazy as Gilgamesh!!!" "Give... me a sec." Deadpool slowly got up, still holding his groin, but took a deep breath. In a few seconds, he stood upright. "Alright b***h, it's one thing to cancel me from singing, but you... YOU HURT MY TESTICLE!!!" Deadpool pulled his two machine guns out and fired at Kat! Kat's skin turned into a near translucent orange-red with a red center, and she used her anti-gravity abilities to fly around & stop Deadpool's bullets from hitting her. She turned the bullets around and fired them right back at Deadpool! Deadpool simply moved his hips to the left, then right, lifted his legs up, spun around & was in a Spanish bullfighter outfit, lifting the red cape while yelling "Toro!", spun around & did a Russian dance while in a Russain outfit, spun around & wore while doing his best Elvis Presley impersonation, and then spun again to be in his cowboy outfit. He pulled a six shooter out, to which Kat fired it out of his hand, making Deadpool have a shocked look (though not seen under his bandana), and Kat fired him in his chest! Deadpool saw the blood coming out and held it with his other hand. "You got me, pardner!" He spoke in his best cowboy accent. "I hope I did!" Kat yelled, landing back on the ground & crossing her arms. Deadpool took some exaggerated steps over to Kat, and fell over. Kat opened her open arms and caught him, even though she just wanted him to shut up and die. Deadpool grabbed her right breast and pulled his head up towards her face. Now Kat was just close to snapping his neck! "Hole me closer, Kat." His voice sounded weak "i-i-it's gettin' dark." She rolled her eyes while he turned his head around & coughed, then turned back to her. "Tell little Annie to let ol' yeller out." Another exaggerated cough & turn to the head before he continued "Tell Tiny Timmy I won't be with him this Christmas!" More coughing, this one sounding heavy. "Tell MrAquino I do give a damn!" He turned to couch, but turned back to Kat and coughed in her face, showing only his cancer covered mouth, followed by a fart. "Pardon me." He leaned his head down and went limp. Kat just stared at him, then looked up: Every Pony & related character Deadpool had meet were all there, sitting in chairs, all crying at Deadpool's performance. They got up and stomped their hooves/ clapped their hands together, cheering for his performance while Discord summoned an Oscar that had Leonardo DiCaprio's name on it, but was scratched out and instead had a sloppy "Deadpool" on it. Deadpool got out of Kat's arms and took the Oscar. Did we seriously just do a scene straight from "The Mask"? We did Cuban Pete with the Changelings, so we might as well do this scene with her! Look at how happy she is! Kat growled loudly, her skin turning into the orange-red translucent self. "What's going on!?" Kat asked out loud. Deadpool pushed Kat to the ground and stood on top of her chest, adoring the crowd cheering for him. "THANK YOU!!! YOU LOVE ME!!! I'm Sorry Leo, but next time, learn from Matt Patt on how YOU can win an Oscar next year!" "GET OFF ME!!!" Kat yelled, pushing Deadpool off and stood right back up. "Okay, you can teleport, you act like a goddamn cartoon character, and you can heal fast!?" "Eeyup!" "Let's fix that!" She grabbed Deadpool and began to fall up with him below her legs. "Whew! PANTIES!!!" "SHUT UP, PERVERT!!!" She made gravity go normal and, in a few seconds, she slammed Deadpool's body to the floor, using her boots to stomp Deadpool's skull in! Deadpool's body twitched for a few seconds, being the last thing his body did was making both hands give the finger. She panted hard and walked away, wiping the bits of flesh off from her boots and onto the floor. She stopped as she heard the sound of flesh moving. Looking behind, she saw Deadpool's body gather the bits of his head, soon, seeing the head fully heal itself. "To be, or not to be awesome!? That is the question true dumba**es ask!" He placed his head back onto his body, and Kat watched with her jaw dropped & left eye twitching. "Y-You can't... die?" "Oh I can, I just don't know how! Believe me, I've done everything: I've been burned, I've been frozen, I've been eaten by monsters, I've been torn apart, had a funny encounter with Freddy Krueger once, saw every Shaquille O'Neal movie out there, went through an unimaginably awful prequel starring everyone's Canadian midget, and, to top it all off, being in this fanfiction!" HEY!!! "...I'm in hell, aren't I? I though Gilgamesh was random, but you... YOU'RE ON COFFEE, METH, AND COCAINE!!!" "I'm not on any of that stuff! I'm just on my swag!" "...Kill me! Please! For all that's good in life, someone, just KILL ME!!!" A portal opened up in the distance, and out came one of the many feared machines that the racist humans of Earth made (According to Marvel, that is): A Sentinel! Standing at over 100 feet high, the sentinel caused everypony in a nearby distance to get the heck outta dodge! "Oh S**t." "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?!?!?" "It's a sentinel: big, nasty mutant hunting robot! This is just one of them, but these mother f***ers can fly, shoot giant blasts of energy from their hands, and generally hate mutants. Thank God I'm a mutate and not a mutant, am I right? I mean, who would want one of those metal monstrosities chasing after them? Yeah... I'd kick it's a** though." "HALT, MUTANT!!!" The sentinel spoke in it's booming voice "You are under arrest!" "Please! Don't take me away!!! I can't do another nickel!!!" "Stand Still, Gravity Defiler." Kat looked at Deadpool. Deadpool let out a sigh of relief, turned to Kat, and gave her the finger. "Fuck you!" She replied. She turned around and used her gravity abilities to escape from the Sentinel! Unfortunately, the Sentinel easily caught her with a clean swipe, knocking her down and easily catching her, crushing her in the palm of it's giant hand! It began to release painful electric shock's to Kat's body, making her scream in pain. "Hey!" Deadpool yelled "How come her words are uncensored but not mine!?" "DEADPOOL!!! HELP!!!" We have to save her!!! "Screw her! She took my Oscar away!" But Deadpool, can't we, well, screw her? "Are you saying-" Ignore him! He's an idiot, remember? Plus, though she may not find us great, we have to uphold the magic of friendship, remember? Friendship is Magic? "Huh... you are right, but I don't think of her as my friend." So!? She can have other chicks that we can bang!!! Hey! Don't think about it! Plus, when we prove how we beat that Sentinel crushing her, she's gonna be like 'Oh! Deadpool! My hero! Please, my body is ready!' You know we only do that idea with Reggie, right? "...I'll do it! For both reasons!!!" Deadpool pulled his sword out "Look out Senty, it's time to meet your maker that wasn't any kid in a Chinese factory!!!" Deadpool teleported right into the Sentinel's hand and began to open the fingers, taking the electricity for Kat. Kat regained consciousness quickly, seeing Deadpool take the electric shocks for her and helping her become free from the robot menace's literal iron grip. She used her abilities & flew out as soon as she saw an opening, and began to escape. The Sentinel saw her escape and threw Deadpool to the ground , quickly tunring it's attention to Kat and chasing her, each footstep it made, shaking the town & it's residents a bit. Deadpool teleported away before he hit the ground, and was right in front of Kat's path. Kat reacted quickly and caught Deadpool in her arms. "You came back for me!" She yelled "Of course I did!" Deadpool replied "I may be an assassin with severe ADHD, but I know how to act like a knight in Shining Armor, even if this land has a character named Shining Armor!" "Uh... okay... but what are we going to do with this Sentinel!?" Deadpool looked and saw the Sentinel catching up. "GO UP!!!" "Up!? Didn't you say these things can fly!?" "I did, but trust me on this! I know what I'm doing!" Kat looked up and swallowed hard, but knew she had to trust Deadpool, or else the Sentinel would've truly killed her. She began to go up into the air, looking up to see the Sentinel switching into it's flight mode. "Alright... just a few more seconds... gotta send this tweet... uploading... sent... and... RELEASE ME!!!" Kat released Deadpool, allowing the Marc to fall to the Sentinels face, right over it's right eye. Deadpull pulled one of his swords out and stabbed the sentinel in it's eye, causing the machine to wail in pain and stop flying for a few seconds as it grabbed Deadpool in it's giant hand! Deadpool accidentally dropped his swords, and the Sentinel, with it's only good eye, prepared to fire a laser blast at him. "Welp... this is gonna hurt." Deadpool said, wincing in anticipation for the pain. "I'M COMING!!!" Kat yelled. Both Deadpool and the Sentinel looked up, only for the sentinel to be greeted with Kat kicking it's other eye so hard, she actually went through it's head! The Sentinel threw Deadpool into the air, in which Kat caught him easily, and the Sentinel began to cover both of it's eyes with it's right arm, and began to fire blindly with it's left. "Now to it's battery!" "And where's that!?" "The triangle on it's chest! I'll meet you there!" He teleported away. Kat dodged the Sentinel's plasma shots and made it to it's chest area, landing right next to the giant triangle. It seemed to notice where she was at and it rose both of it's arms up to begin to pound her into a bloody paste. Deadpool reappeared in a puff, using his swords and sliced both hands of the Sentinel off The sentinel was all but useless now, but they weren't finished. Deadpool teleported next to Kat and gave her one of his swords. "What do you want me to do with this?" "Use it like a crowbar!" "But won't it break?" "I've got replacements!" She shrugged and the two removed the giant chest plate, showing it's glowing battery core, though the swords snapped. "What now!?" "We blot it the f**k up like a Michael Bay film!" "How!?" "It's hands!" She 'ohed' at it. Deadpool grabbed her and teleported her to it's right hand, the Deadpool went to the left. "On 3, got it!?" "Got it!" "1...2...3!!!" They both pulled the wires and both hands released a plasma shot to the Sentinel's battery! It exploded as Deadpool predicted, as pieces of the Sentinel showered over Equestria! The blast made Kat lose control of her abilities, making her fall down with no control. Though unsure, she thought she could hear music play as everything played out: Deadpool directed his fall and caught Kat in his arms. Deadpool directed both Kat and him to grab a falling piece of the Sentinel's face, and held on for dear life. "D-Deadpool?" she spoke in a weak tone. "Yeah?" Deadpool replied, looking back to her, holding her and the piece in place as they freefell. "...Thanks for coming back. You're not half bad. More annoying than Gilgamesh, but not bad." Deadpool smiled under his mask "Thanks. Say, spell 'Me'." "...M, E." "You forgot the 'D'." "There's no 'D' in 'Me'." "Not yet." He laughed out loud. "... You bastard!!!" "Don't worry, I got something even better!" "Hope so!" "Think you can control your powers?" "Yeah, I should." Before they could become a splatter on the floor, Kat began to float into the air and the two landed safely. The ponies cheered that their local hero and his side chick were safe. "Alright, what did you have in mind?" Deadpool placed the gold Daft Punk helmet over head, and he placed the silver on his. "You danced with Gilgamesh, right?" "Uh... Kinda. Why?" "Just follow me!" "That was fun," Kat replied, taking her helmet off. "And I got a little something for you." "That's cool," Deadpool said, pulling his smart phone out. "Come here!" He grabbed Kat and the two got into the picture frame. "SELFIE!!!" The two took a picture with a Party Favor photobombing in the background. "Alright, what was it?" "This." She gave Deadpool a simply kiss on his cheek. Deadpool blushed hard, then fell to his back. A portal opened up. "I guess that's my time to go. It was nice to meet someone new, perhaps you'll soon meet the other people I've meet. And, pleas, for all that's good, onl summon me for EMERGENCIES and not for having an itchy ass, okay?" Deadpool was strangely silent. "I'll take that as a yes. Bye!" She fliped her gravity around & entered the portal, and the portal closed as soon as she entered. Deadpool laid there as, inside his head, his voices sang I kissed a girl. Author's Note Be sure to check out DJSkywalker's "Gravity of the Situation". Call of Doodyfield 21: Propaganda day Call of Doodyfield 21: Propaganda day After Deadpool's encounter with Kat (hope you looked at her link, folks), Deadpool... wait... Deadpool? Deadpool? Where are you? "Over here!" Oh! There you are! Why are you hiding inside a barrel? "Because he's coming!" Who's coming? Are you talking about the other superhero I'm adding? "What do you think, dumba**?" Hey! No need to get rude here! Plus, I'm an American myself, and I'm not as bad as Michael Bay. "...Touche." Plus, this is the Marvel Cinematic universe Captain America, the one with the kicka** "Winter Soldier" movie that you and I actually enjoyed more than both "The First Avenger" and his role in "The Avengers". "Really!? Why didn't you say so!? Bring him in!" Alright, just get out. Ahem, Deadpool got out of his hiding spot, and right above him was a portal with the colors Red, White, and Blue. "Really?" Just work with me. Anyways, the portal opened up, and Captain F**king America landed right on the floor in front of Deadpool in a pose that the Terminator did! "Hey! I came down face first and broke my ribs!" You're Deadpool, you can live with it. Captain America rose up and looked around, seeing Deadpool. "Deadpool!?" He asked "Is that really you?" "I don't know," Deadpool replied like a sassy black woman "Are you Captain America or Captain Puerto Rico?" "Puerto Rico? No! I'm from the God given United States of America! There's no way I'm from Puerto Rico." Deadpool pulled out his phone. The Cap stared at it, then looked at his chest. "So you want me to have all fifty stars on my chest?" Captain America asked "And all thirteen stripes!" Deadpool added "You still haven't answered me if you're Deadpool or not." Deadpool removed his mask, showing off his tumor looking face! "♫How 'bout now? 'Cause I'm up right now! And you suck right now♫!" Cap stared at Deadpool's face. "Well... I guess you really are Deadpool. Where are we?" "The place that's 20% cooler and better than America, EQUESTRIA!!!" "Equestria!? How's a small African country better than America!?" "This ain't an African country! This is a whole different land altogether! Just look around us!" "What do you mean? It looks like-" Cap froze as all around both of them, ponies ran everywhere, all enjoying their daily lives. Steve's eye began to twitch Is he gonna talk about how gay and 'unamerican' this is!? Considering he didn't commit suicide knowing that the President of the U.S & Head of S.H.I.E.L.D. is black, nearly all but whites have equal rights in actions & speech, and all his friends are dead... he's going to be alright. "...Deadpool?" Cap asked. Deadpool cartoonishly rose his head towards Cap. "Yeees?" He replied "...You've been gone for months... and you've been in a land with small... talking... ponies?" "Eeyup!" "...Where do I begin?" "Well, if you need to know, the land is ruled by two god horses that rule everything with an iron fist... or hoof, because they control the sun & the moon, as well as they can infiltrate your dreams as you sleep and can sentence you to live on the moon for 1000 years!" Cap stared at Deadpool as Wade smiled with a squee sound. Cap's eyes turned serious. "Sounds like a job for Captain America!" "WHAT!?!?!? NO!!! They love it here! I love it here!!!" "You've been brainwashed, Deadpool! You, and the rest of these ponies here are blindly following two tyrants that are abusing their power! They sound just as bad as Doctor Doom and the country of Latveria!!! I doubt they don't have technology, but I'm going to save them and show them true Democracy!!!" Deadpool pulled his swords out. "You can't attack them! For Starters, despite all of our efforts, Doctor Doom ruling the world is the only way humanity CAN SURVIVE, and second, the princess aren't tyrants! Well... I guess Celestia is, since she banished her sister to the moon for 1000 years, and is a bit of a Lazy a** for anything... trolls everyone... and I guess-" "We don't have much time! FOR FREEDOM!!!" Cap charged, but raised his shield as Deadpool sliced at him! "Deadpool! We need to stop them! We need-" "Shut up with you 'Freedom' this and 'Democracy' that! That's bulls**t!!! Plus, we have to let them rule! If Celestia and Luna dies, then not only will the world fall into chaos with a lack of order, but the sun & moon won't be raised at all! You'd literally have one side forever in light & burning forever and the other trapped in darkness and freezing to death!" "That's a lie! If they do control the Sun & Moon, then how was life even made to begin with!?" Deadpool froze and thought to himself That's... actually a good question. UNICORNS!!! We know unicorns did it, but how were THEY made if the sun & moon can't be raised or lowered? MAGIC!!! Magic was made AFTER life was made. There has to be some explanation for this! Deadpool was shoved out of the way and Captain America ran to the Canterlot Castle. "S**T!!!" Deadpool yelled getting up. "Quickly! To canterlot!!!" Both Celestia and Luna sat together on a table together, Celestia enjoying yet another piece of cake while Luna played on Nintendo 3DS, trying to capture all of the pokemon. "Sister," Celestia spoke "Where in Equestria did you get that device?" "...This?" Luna replied "Just... found... it... GOT YA!!!" Deadpool appeared in a puff of smoke, landing on the table & splatting Celestia's cake. "Your Highnessessessess!!!" Deadpool yelled "One of my friends has arrived and they're coming to meet you!!!" "That sounds splendid, Deadpool." Celestia replied "I'll save this slice of cake for your friend." "No! I mean, he's out to GET YOU!!!" "Get us?" Luna asked "How is he going to 'get us'? And why?" "He's on his way here and he's from my world in a foreign land called "America"! There, a**holes & D**ks rule everything, making all other people stupid as they spend too much money on stuff made from their own rules one day, China, and they'll become a unified empire called Americana. Let's say that he's too blindsided to see it and it too patriotic about it, becoming one of those dumba**es that have no facts about how it's great at all... LIKE CALL OF DUTY!!!" The doors came down, and Captain America stood there with two knocked out guards. "Celestia and Luna!" He began to monologue "Your reign of Tyranny is over! You may have blinded your local population to bow to your every word, saying your'e both powerful enough to move both the sun & the moon, but I know you've done multiple things to get to your power! I, Steve Rodgers, A.K.A., Captain America, am here to bring freedom, justice, and Democracy among these ponies, for you choose to rule everything with an Iron fist. Like Hitler, the Soviet Union, and Osama Bin Laden, you can get away with it for years, but history will remember you as a threat that-" "Thank you!" Luna exclaimed "He was... *yawn* very boring." "...You're not intimidated by me?" Cap asked "Not really." Celestia replied "I don't sense any powerful or dark magic in you." "But... your guards!" "This isn't the first time they've been knocked down. Why, my sister has fun knocking them out, right?" "'Tis was a fun game of bowling!" Luna replied. Cap stared as the two went back to their usual thing, Celestia levitating a piece of cake over to him. "Cake?" Celestia asked. Cap stared at the plate, then growled! He swiped the piece of cake and raised his shield. "FOR FREEDOM!!!" He yelled. Deadpool teleported right in front of him, mimicking a street fighter move. "SHORYUKEN!!!" Cap fell to the floor, then got up. "You really want to stop me from saving this world!?" "What is wrong with you C.O.D. Players these days!? Seriously!!! Seems to me that all America loves are white male protagonists that serve in the army! Really!? Maybe I shouldn't be too mad with Equestria Girls, now that I think about it." Captain America charged with his shield, Deadpool pulled out his twin swords, and the two clashed with each other! "Stand down, Soldier! They need-" "Blah Blah! Freedom this and Democracy that! Just skip that patriotic stuff and admit that you wanted to say the N-word to both the President and Nick Fury." "...The N-word?" "Yeah! You know! Didn't you freak out about Nick Fury, how things have changed, and, of course, who the president is?" "...Um.... I... uh-" "HEAR THAT FOLKS!?!?!? HE'S RACIST!!! RACIST!!! RACIST!!!" "I'M NOT RACIST!!!" Captain America stared at Deadpool. Deadpool performed a three stooges move by poking Cap in the eyes with both of his fingers. Cap regained his vision and saw Deadpool running while waving the Canadian flag around in one arm while there was an American flag burning on the floor, written in the flames, "This is how every country views you". Cap began to chase Deadpool! One Chase scene later: Both Cap and Deadpool stared down at each other in Sweet apple acres. Twilight Sparkle and Applejack approached. "Deadpool!?" Twilight yelled "What is going on!? "And why on Equestria is another human chasing ya'll!?" Applejack asked in her western accent. "Another one of the tyrants!?!?!?" Cap asked. "No!" Deadpool replied "She's Twilight Sparkle, The princess of Friendship! And that's applejack: Apple horse." "HEY!!!" Applejack yelled "There can't be a ruler over friendship!!!" Captain America yelled "Fist sun, the moon, and now friendship! What's next, love!?" "...Yes. We have Princess Mia Amor Cadenza, and she's watching over the Crystal Empire while Twi here runs-" "You really have succumbed to the evils of Tyranny, haven't you!?" "Hey!!!" Twilight yelled "We run things differently here! The least we can do is respect each other and-" "QUESADILLA!!!" Deadpool yelled, throwing the Mexican treat at Twilight's face. It landed on her face with a satisfying 'Splat', and she froze for a few moments. "Que-Que-QUESADILLA!!!" She yelled and ran away, trying to shake the cheesy snack away! "...She's afraid of Quesadillas?" Cap asked. "Yeah," Deadpool replied. "they're just... too cheesy for her!" Pinkie appeared Right behind Deadpool with her drums. "...Really?" "That's what she said." "Oh! Look! Hydra agents!!!" Deadpool pointed out and, sure enough, some hydra agents were there, taking a strange device around the corner of Sweet Apple Acres. "Hydra!?" Cap asked "What are they doing here?" "Why else would they be here?" "...I... have no idea." Deadpool turned to Cap "YOU STUPID MOTHA F***A!!! They're here to take over Equestria!!!" "But... why?" "Why? WHY!?!?!? THEY'RE EVIL!!! E-V-I-L!!! EVIL!!! Need more help? How about this: Every Villain Is Lemons!!! They want to take over the world, use it's magic on earth, and ultimately, destroy the 'American Dream' and-" "We don't have much time!!!" Cap ran ahead. Deadpool with his jaw dropped. So... we can Control him with 'American' stuff? If that's the case, then we can easily point out that all of the Alicorns are Americans and easily save Equestria. Jeez, he's really stupid now that we think about it! Not as bad as Wolverine when he was Captain Canada. Deadpool snickered to himself. "That was funny." He commented to himself. He teleported onto Applejack's back "RIDE APPLE HORSE!!!" "Ma Name's Applejack!!!" A.J. yelled. Deadpool slapped her plot and A.J. ran "YEE HAW!!! We'll show Captain what being an American is really like!!! We need everypony!!!" Captain America was knocked out easily, as one of the Hydra Agents knocked him out with news of Gay Marriage being legal. "...That was easy." One of the Hydra agents spoke "Think we can kill him now?" Another asked. They stopped and heard music. "♫Equestria, Equestria.♫" A chorus was heard. Over a hill, Deadpool was on top of a giant pile of ponies that he had met, all driven on Vinyl & Octavia's speaker car thing from "Slice of Life"! "♫EQUESTRIA!!!♫" Deadpool simply sang, jumping off the pile with an electric guitar. "Buck Yeah!♫" The crowd sang! "♫Comin' again to save the motherbuckin' day, Yeah! America!!!♫" "♫Buck Yeah! Freedom is the only way, Yeah!!!♫" "♫Terrorists, your game is through, 'cause now you have ta answer to America!!!♫" "Buck yeah!" "♫So lick my butt and suck on my balls! America!!!♫" "Buck Yeah!" "♫Whatcha' gonna do when we come for you now!?♫" "♫It's the dream that we all share; It's the hope for tomorrow!♫" "Buck Yeah... McDonald's "Wal-Mart!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "The Gap!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Baseball!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "The NFL!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Rock N' Roll!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "The Internet!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Slavery !!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Buck Yeah!... Starbucks!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Disneyworld!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Porno!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Valium!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Reeboks!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Fake Boobs!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Sushi!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Taco Bell!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Rodeos!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Bed, Bath and Beyond!!!" The crowd went silent."...Liberty!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Wax Lips!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "The Alamo!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Band-aids!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Las Vegas!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Christmas!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Immigrants!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Popeyes!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Democrats!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" Republicans!!!" The crowd really went silent "... Sportsmanship!!! ... Books!!!" "Buck yeah!" A lone Twilight yelled in the crowd. The music ended, and all of the Hydra agents fell to floor, twitching uncontrollably and foaming at the mouth. The epicness of Equetria's newest anthem was too much for the weak and non-brony people. Captain America got up, confused. "Wha-what happened?" He asked "Deadpool? Why are there a bunch of cute ponies around you?" "No time to explain!" Deadpool yelled, rushing to Captain America as a portal opened behind him. "America needs you to wake up, find Michael Bay, and give him the most patriotic punch that d**k in his d**k!!!" "But... why? I love his films." "I know you do, but... Obama found that there's been messages on how China is much better than America!!!" "WHAT!?!?!? WHERE!?!?!?" "Transformers 4! Now go and beat the s**t out of him!!!" "FOR FREEDOM!!!" He turned around and entered the portal, back to earth, and the portal closed. Deadpool took a deep breath. "Whew! Glad he's gone." Take that Michael Bay for ruining our childhood!!! This must be better than any other American thing out there. "Happy 4th of July readers!!! Don't tug your American junk & splatter it all over our childhood! Believe me, it's better to have red, white, and blue balls rather than have a patriotic mess! PLAY THE MUSIC!!!" Author's Note Happy Early 4th of July, folks! And if you're Canadian, Happy late Canada day! I'M WALKIN' HERE!!! Pony #117: Babs SeedIn the streets of Manehatten, a lone filly looked through some trashcans. Her coat was a golden-orange, her mane & tail was a striped red-pink and pink, noticeable white freckles were on her face, and she had a pair of scissors as her cutie mark. After a couple of minutes, she came out with a bunch of trash on her head, but pulled out a couple of bits. "Sweet!" She exclaimed in her Dutch Brooklyn accent "9 bits!!! Just need one more to get a carrot-dog." The trashcan next to her rumbled, then the lid popped open, and Deadpool came out with a bunch of bits pouring out. "Seriously!?" Deadpool yelled "Why do ponies AND people literally throw money away!? The next thing you know, you're going to see some hobo with enough money to pay off his dept, you know what I mean?" The filly next to him stared at him. "...Hold on, are you... Deadpool?" "I don't know, aren't you Babs Seed?" She began to sweat and lowed herself in the garbage. "Uh... no. She's... um... at school... and-" Deadpool jumped out of his trashcan and pulled the filly out, holding her by her forelegs and swinging her a bit! "Don't worry about it! You're Applebloom's cousin around here!" "What!? You know A.B.?" "Hell yeah! We're friends!" "How... how'd you know I'm Babs?" "Easy! Your coat color, your mane color, the style of your mane, your freckles, and, as of right now, your cutie mark! Look at those scissors!!! And to think yours talent would be bullying." Her ears folded to the side and she slumped down a bit. "You heard about that?" "Yeah, but don't worry, I remember what it was like being both a victim and becoming the bully." He tussled her mane a bit "But you ponies are so cute when you're redeemed!!!" "Uh... thanks? How'd you get here?" "Roll the clip while I explain to her! Let's just say it happened after meeting an acquaintance that really makes me angry." For the ending, he lands in a trashcan, not the curve "You went through that!?" Babs asked, sitting on a table with Deadpool as they both ate Carrot dogs. "Eeyup!" Deadpool replied in his best Big Mac voice "Five minutes just before I came in to look for bits?" "Eeyup!" "Woah! Are you like part Alicorn or somethin'?" "Nah. Magic ain't my thing and flying's too cliche." "And the music was playing too?" "...I may have added that part in, but Kevin Bacon would've been proud. I'm not sure much with Kebola, though" "Kebola?" "That's another story." Good. We don't need to retell our events. I do prefer the Oscar winning, though! "What'cha gonna do here in Manehatten, though?" Babs asked "I'm thinking of being a stereotypical tourist and flash my camera at everything I see." "Like what?" Deadpool pulled a camera out and took a picture of Babs and some other ponies. They were blinded by the light and toppled over with the "Flash... Lights (lights)" bit from Kanye West's Flashing Lights playing. "Oh sweet Celestia! I blinded a kid!" "Deadpool!? Where are you!?" Deadpool picked up Babs. "I'm right here!" "Deadpool... I can't see anything!" "It's alright! I'm here! I-I'm such an idiot for that! Why? Why Luciano Pavarotti, WHY!?!?!?" "...Who?" Deadpool tightly hugged while the dramatic part Luciano Pavarotti's Vesti la Giubba played. You know, the part that's used as comedy & drama, including The Untouchables. Well, Babs regained her vision pretty quickly, hearing the music and just giving a questioned look. "It's alright... I'm here... Riposa in pace." "Uh... my sight is back, Deadpool." Deadpool lowered Babs, seeing her eyesight is back. "Oh, alright." He released Babs and got up. She got back right up. "You're very dramatic for someone who takes falling down a mountain pretty easy." "That's just because I'm great at acting and singing!" "I can tell. Maybe you should come to school with me, perhaps teach the kids a few things." "I can teach them more than that!" Don't you do it again, Mother f**ker You're no fun! "So you'll come!?" Babs asked "...Maybe." Deadpool replied, turning around. "But listen kid, I'm afraid this dynamic duo in now the dynamic Uno." "So... you're leaving?" "Yeah." "Oh... well.. it was fun, and I hope we-" "And I'll take that!" Deadpool snagged Babs bits from her. "What the-!?!?!? HEY!!! Those are my bits!!! You're not being fair!" Deadpool teleported onto a taxi cab's roof, now wearing a leather jacket and sported a greaser looking hair on his head. "Fairs are for tourists, kid! Consider this a free lesson in street suave from Canada's lovely Merc. See ya!" The cab moved ahead. Babs began her chase with Deadpool. "Hey!!! Wait!!! Those are my bits!!! I EARNED THOSE!!!" She cut off through a corner and stood right in front of the cab Deadpool was on. Deadpool simply teleported to another cab. If any of you have know where this is going, just replace that dog with Deadpool in his greaser outfit. "You want 'em? Come and get 'em! But I'm warnin' you: ♫One minute I'm in Central Park, Then I'm down on Delancey Street. From the Bow'ry to St Marks! There's a syncopated beat Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! I'm streetwise, I can improvise! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! I'm streetsmart! I've got New York City heart. Why should I worry? Why should I care? I may not have a dime, but I got street savoire faire. Why should I worry? Why should I care? It's just bebopulation, and I got street saviore faire. The rhythm of the city, But once you get it down, Then you can own this town, You can wear the crown! Why should I worry? Why should I care? I may not have a dime, But I got street savoire faire Why should I worry? Why should I care? It's just bebopulation, And I got street saviore faire♫" "♫Ev'rything goes, Ev'rything fits!♫" A bunch of mares sang as Deadpool was on the Piano. "♫They love me at the Chelsea, They adore me at the Ritz. Why should I worry? Why should I care? And even when I cross that line I got street savoire faire!♫ Synchronized dance!!!" As Deadpool said that, all the ponies followed Deadpool's suave dance-walk move, effectively blocking Babs, who wasn't brainwashed by his dancing. He would've gotten away scott free at the city's borders, but the Friendship train flattened Deadpool, looking like a mix between both ASDF Movie and those Final Destination movies. Everypony stopped and stared at the literal bloody mess that was Deadpool, flattened by the Friendship express train, effectively giving the front a splatter of red over it's pink & yellow painting. Babs arrived and nearly hurled at the sight, but nonetheless, walked to the corpse and slipped her hoof into his jacket pocket, taking back her bits. Deadpool grabbed her, making the filly scream in fear. "ZOMBIE!!!" She creamed "ZOMBIE!!!" "I ain't no zombie!!!" Deadpool yelled "I'm God Damn Dead Mother f***ing pool!! AND I LIKE TRAINS!!!" The train came back backwards, flattening Deadpool again and his arm removed, though still grabbing onto Bab's leg. The conductor came out and saw the mess of Deadpool. "Oh thank goodness!" He exclaimed "Don't worry folks! It's only Deadpool!" "DEADPOOL!?!?!? The crowd went into a panic and everyone ran back to the city, locking all their doors behind them and sealing Deadpool out. Babs, Deadpool, and the Codnuctor were all alone. "...What just happened?" Babs asked "Whenever Deadpool's around, trouble and chaos is bound to show up." The conductor answered. "Chaos with me!?" Deadpool replied, getting back up & fully healed (minus the arm) "Chaos happens here WITHOUT ME!!! Hell, remember when that Bug-Bear attack Ponyville!?" "You brought it with you, saying it's a panda named Po and you were knocked out in the train's car and ate all of the bananas! ALL THE BANANAS!!! Why!?!?!?" "Because I'm loyal to the New Lunar Republic, not the Solar Empire." Both ponies stared at Deadpool. "...Yeah... I'm goin' home." Babs said, tossing Deadpool's arm behind her. "Hold on!" Deadpool snagged Babs "The author forgot about this, but... SELFIE!!!" Another Selfie was taken. "You're weird! How is my cousin friends with you!?" "Because I gave her a weapon!" They both stared at each other for a few seconds. "...Yeah. I gotta get to my rents before they freak out. See ya later." "See YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! Soulja boy, tell 'em!" Babs ran away as Deadpool performed the other most hated song that always plays at dances. Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next? White gurls be like: Pony #118- 121: Moon Dancer, Minuette, Twinkle Shine, and Lemon Hearts White gurls be like: Pony #118- 121: Moon Dancer, Minuette, Twinkle Shine, and Lemon Hearts Inside Canterlot, at what was a very unimpressive house, a unicorn mare with a cream coat and a mane that was red with a purple stripe was sleeping in her bed. It was night time, and all was quiet... too quiet. Some creaks were heard in her room, and she woke up, though still half asleep. She looked up from her bed, only to see what looked a bit of a red blur. She leviated her glasses & placed them over her eyes and turned on her lamp. She was greeted with the face of Deadpool. "WHAT ARE THOSE!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled, pointing at her glasses! She screamed and fell off her bed, shaken, but looked up: Deadpool was gone! "... I need to lay off the studying." She spoke to herself, shivering from that super frightful moment. She climbed back into her bed and rested her glasses, only to then be interrupted by loud banging. She looked right back up & placed her glasses on, seeing Deadpool bang two cooking pans together! "♫I didn't get no sleep cause of ya'll! Ya'll ain't gonna get no sleep 'cause of me!♫" Her eyes twitched at seeing this... strange thing's behavior. "...Luna... is this a nightmare?" Deadpool grabbed onto the unicorn, hugging her. "'Tis is not a nightmare! 'Tis is called a Fan-Fic! IT'S WORSE THAN REALITY!!!" She blinked and stared into the distance. "Who are you?" "A friend of Twilight's!" "...Twilight never told me about you." "I'm pretty new here. Name's Deadpool!" "...Deadpool!? You mean THE Deadpool!?" "Eeyup!" She screamed again, flailed out of her captor's grip, and ran away! Deadpool poppoed out of the door, seeing her run away "Run, b***h! Run!!!" She ran across Canterlot, ran until she landed at a familiar house! She banged on the door loudly! "Minuette!!! Minuette!!!" The door opened and a light blue uniucorn with a mane that looked like Toothpaste opened the door. "Oh! Hi Moon Dancer! what brings you here so late?" "Deadpool's here!!!" "...He's all over the place, sweetie." "NO!!! He's HERE here!!!" "Here here!? Where here, though!?" Moon Dancer's mouth dropped open and she backed up a bit. "What's wrong with you? And who's scratching my mane?" She turned around and gasped, seeing Deadpool brushing her mane with huge a toothbrush. "Brushie, Brushie, Brushie!!!" Deadpool sang to himself, lifting the toothbrush off her mane, only to see bits of her mane in it. "Darn it! I was hoping your mane was made out of toothpaste." Both mares screamed and ran for their life! "Wait! I floss too!!!" Both mares ran into Twilight's old home, blocking the entrance with a bookshelf! "What about Twinkle Shine and Lemon Hearts!?" Minuette asked "It's best for them to not get involved!" Moon Dancer answered "I don't want them to be terrified as us!" The lights turned on inside, cauisng both mares to jump and scream again! They turned and saw a unicorn mare with a white coat & pink mane, and the other being yellow & having a blue mane, both the same race & having the same mane. "Moon Dancer?" The white one asked "Minuette?" The other asked "What are you both doing here?" "What are YOU doing here!?" Moon Dancer asked, walking to them. "We just woke up here." the yellow answered. "It was really strange," the white added "We were just looking at the news on what's been happening when, in a puff of red smoke, we came here where you two came inside." "... Did you meet a human in a red suit?" Minuette asked "...No." "Oh thank goodness!" Moon Dancer replied, going up the stairs. "Perhaps we can hold off until-" "Hold on a second!" The yellow yelled "What's wrong, Lemon Hearts?" Minuette asked "...Was that piano there the whole time?" "Not that I know of." Twinkle Shine added. "I added it." Deadpool's voice answered. The group gasped and hugged each other. Deadpool appeared right behind the piano, sitting down. "Join me for the national white girl anthem!!!" He began to play the piano, which made it move, knocking the mares onto the piano, all holding on for dear life. He then knocked his head on the head turning part with a paper towel roll. "♫Making my way downtown, Walking fast, Faces pass, And I'm home bound. Staring blankly ahead, Just making my way Making a way Through the crowd. And I need you, And I miss you, And now I wonder.... If I could fall Into the sky, Do you think time Would pass me by? 'Cause you know I'd walk A thousand miles If I could Just see you... Tonight! It's always times like these When I think of you And I wonder If you ever Think of me. 'Cause everything's so wrong And I don't belong Living in your Precious memory. 'Cause I need you, And I miss you, And now I wonder.... If I could fall Into the sky Do you think time Would pass me by? 'Cause you know I'd walk A thousand miles If I could Just see you... Tonight♫ JOIN THE WHITE GIRL ANTHEM, LADIES!!!" The mares stared at Deadpool hesitantly, but they joined his... performance. "♫And I, I Don't want to let you know. I, I Drown in your memory. I, I Don't want to let this go. I, I Don't....♫" Deadpool and all the mares sang together now, all the mares now joining the anthem. "♫Making my way downtown Walking fast Faces pass And I'm home bound. Staring blankly ahead Just making my way Making a way Through the crowd. And I still need you, And I still miss you, And now I wonder.... If I could fall Into the sky Do you think time Would pass us by? 'Cause you know I'd walk A thousand miles If I could Just see you... If I could fall Into the sky Do you think time Would pass me by? 'Cause you know I'd walk A thousand miles If I could Just see you. If I could Just hold you... Tonight.♫" Their piano-car parked in front of Twilight's castle, just as the morning sun came into view. "...How'd you do that?" Moon Dancer asked "Magic and a lot of white girl knowledge." Deadpool answered "Plus, you were so much better than my LAST partners. "...I'm not gonna ask." Minuette commented, hoping off the piano. The doors opened and Twilight came out, yawning, but gasped, seeing her friends were here. "Moondancer," she checked off "Minuette, Twinkle Shine, and Lemond Drops!? What are you all doing here!?" "Just learning a song we can sing together with Deadpool." Twinkle answered "And he took us here." Lemon added. "SELFIE!!!" Deadpool yelled, grabbing all of Twilight's old friends together and taking a selfie with them all. "Now I must go! Destiny calls for me!!!" Deadpool walked away, but everypony stared at how Deadpool walked away. "...He is strange." Moon Dancer commented. "How did you meet him?" Twilight asked "He broke into my house and scared the pants off of me." "...What!?" "Let me explain inside." Twilight and her old friends walked inside the castle. Deadpool continued with his... weird walking. Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next? I apologize if you're a white girl and you're reading this. Just know that this is a comedy and it should't be taken so seriously. This isn't Stanley Kubrick's "Dr. Strangelove or：How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb." Bouncy! Pony #122: Trouble shoesDeadpool fell from the sky as his balloons popped. He fell to the ground, obviously higher than he expected, and just waited... but he heard a voice. "HELP ME!!!" A woman screamed. Deadpool looked above and, falling right below him, was Domino! What's she doing here!? "Doing whatever the fanfic writer wants her to do!" Deadpool answered "And where the hell were you 2 during the white girl anthem?" You got him singing with Terry Crews. 'Cause I want you... and I need you! "Well enough of that! It's Saints Row 3 time!!! Skip to 4:54!!!" All gang members are more Hydra agents. Do: What the-!? Deadpool!? What's going on!? Where are we!? DP: Don't worry Babe! We're in Equestria! Wait... what's that! *Rest of scene* Deadpool and Domino landed in the desert town of Apploosa safely. Domino got out of Deadpool's arms and walked on the floor. "...Thanks for the rescue." She spoke "No problem!" Deadpool replied "But... next time... don't throw me when you're trying to kill a guy named 'Philippe'. That's my contract, not yours!" "No promises!!!" "...Well that is what the real Deadpool would say. Where are we, exactly?" "Equestria!" "Wait... you mean that land filled with magical ponies?" "Eeyup!" "... Are you sure?" She turned around, only to see Deadpool in a tigger costume "What are you-?" "I'm gonna meet another pony! A huge one for that matter! Join me!" "...Thanks, but I gotta-" Deadpool picked up Domino and bounced on a pogo stick! "WHEE!!! The greatest thing about tiggers is that I'm the only one, rabbit!" "Rabbit!?" She looked at herself and saw she was in a playboy bunny outfit. "What the-!? How'd you-?" "Don't question it, just roll with it... or bounce with me!!!" The two bounced to the tune of a familiar bear's theme. In the town of Apploosa, a huge gathering of rodeo clowns were around, one in particular stood out, as he was like a giant to the others, only added by his small hat. "LOOK OUT BELOW!!!" Deadpool yelled. All the clowns looked up and ran away, but the huge one was tackled by Deadpool, causing both to roll along the floor and crash into another barrel filled with water to cover the stallion's head. Domino walked next to Deadpool, now back in her regular outfit, and took Deadpool off. "What the hell is wrong with you!?" She asked "He just needed a hug." Deadpool replied, his eyes turning into hearts. "Who!?" "Troubleshoes!" "Who's Troubleshoes!?" "That guy!" Deadpool pointed. As soon as he said that, the stallion took the barrel off his head and let out a deep sigh. "Just my luck." he commented to himself. "~Great~" Domino commented "Now get me out of here so we can-" "No way!" Deadpool yelled "I'm gonna Red Dead this b***h!" "You're gonna-WHAT!?!?!?" Deadpool was in his cowboy costume again, as he had a lasso and tossed it around Troubleshoes' neck! "YES!!!" Deadpool cheered "8 bucks!!! Thanks random Mexican! And I have conquered the giant known as Troubleshoes!!!" "...Just my luck." Troubleshoes grumbled to himself again. Domino face palmed herself. "Why are you so random?" She asked "Because if I'm not, then who will!? After all, I have my own movie coming out!!!" "...You're getting your own movie?" "And it's not being made my Michael Bay!!! Can you believe it!? I won't get butt f**ked my American/Advertisement stuff!!!" "...what!?" "ROLL THE CLIP BEFORE FOX TAKES IT DOWN!!! "...what was that?" Domino asked "Me touching myself." Deadpool replied "What does that mean?" Troubleshoes asked "Nothing you should know, my huge stallion friend. Oh look! The people I killed!" Sure enough, all the Hydra agents Deadpool killed in the sky fell down from the sky, all their bodies leaving plenty of blood stains on the floor with satisfying sounds of their bones cracking and the painful scream of survivors. "TACO SQUAD!!! R63 ME!!!" Deadpool's taco squad came out of nowhere and made Deadpool look like a woman, with Discord turning Deadpool into his fabulous woman self with slight larger boobs, followed by himself turning himself into Femcord (or Eris, if you prefer.), followed by the single woman's beat with all of the falling & dying Hydra agents. Deadpool/Fempool Sonata Pinkie Discord/Eris. All. ♫It's raining men! Hallelujah, it's raining men! Amen!♫ I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna let myself get absolutely soaking wet! It's raining men, Hallelujah it's raining men, every specimen! Tall, blond, dark, and lean, rough and tough and strong and mean! God bless mother nature She's a single woman too She took for the Heaven And she did what she had to do She taught every angel to rearrange the sky And each and every woman could find her perfect guy! It's raining men, Hallelujah, it's raining men, Amen! It's raining men, Hallelujah, it's raining men, Amen! It's raining, it's raining, oh it's stormy! Domino stared at the Fempool and his/her Taco squad that appeared, causing one of her eyes to twitch wildly. "I'm in hell, aren't I?" Domino asked "No you're not!" Pinkie replied, hugging Domino from right behind. "We wuv new faces around here!" "Plus," Sonata added "just wait until it begins to rain tacos!" "Rain tacos!?" Domino asked. Discord/Eris snapped his/her claw and the clouds formed together, followed by tacos falling from the sky. The Sweetie Bot and R-Dash 5000 landed next to the group, now with Tacos in their eyes Domino screamed and ran away, not caring about the groaning & whimpering Hydra agents on the floor & bleeding out with the falling rain of tacos. "Wait!" Deadpool/Fempool yelled "Don't you want to give my girls a squeeze!?" He turned back into a man. "Oh... how about lil' pool? He needs a good tuggin'!" WHAT THE F**K!?!?!? What!? We just wanted her to pull out finger to see how much we've held in! Deadpool turned to Troubleshoes. "PULL MY FINGER!!!" Deadpool insisted. "...Will it free me?" The giant asked "Of course! You have my word." He sighed to himself "Only to avoid this nonsense." He pulled Deadpool's finger, not only ripping the finger right off, but also- Author's Note Why wasn't there a lot of Troubleshoes in this chapter? I guess the author was too busy jacking off to MLP stuff to work on this chapter well. SHUT UP!!! I don't do that!!! My birthday's coming, Ant-Man's coiming out, I'm avoiding the DC stuff right now, and I'm trying my best to get far away from Fan4stic as possible, okay!? ...what about us? Hey, I posted the trailer to your movies, TWICE!!! Hm... we will allow this excuse. But delete your history next time YOU SON OF A- Who should Deadpool meet next? A nightmare on Pone Street. A nightmare on Pone Street. Yes, Chris Tucker, Deadpool was knocked the fug out, and, in his Dream, Luna still hasn't learned her private space and entered Deadpool's dream. Deadpool was busy sitting down on a fancy table, wearing a suit & tophat, sitting in front of... a pair of giant boobs with legs... holding his guns in between itself. "I call her squeaky!" He yelled. Luna flew in, but broke through a window, then she flew through & crashed through the wall with, very fittingly, Get Low playing, followed by various dogs, most humping each other and not caring what's going on. Luna got up and shook herself off. "Deadpool!" She exclaimed "You are not safe here anymore!!!" "I agree!" Luna paused and stared, tilting her head to the side. "You do?" "Yeah Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz are now here!!!" "No, Deadpool! This is much worst! I fear the you're going to have nightmares forever!" "Yeah, sure! Now where we're we?" Deadpool turned around to see 'Squeaky', only to be introduced with- "CENSOR IT!!!" Deadpool screamed! Luna blasted the Miley Cyrus penis away, leaving a very scarred Deadpool. "Are you alright?" Luna asked "...I knew she was a man... but I didn't want to see it!" "That was the first of your nightmares. More will come." "What's causing this!?" "The Tantibus has returned." "...But... didn't you get rid of it?" "I did, but somepony must've reminded me on what I did and brought it out. I thought I had it gone, but it's back, and I am sure you and I can stop it." "You and me?" "I... had a really weird dream with you. I won't say what happened, but it's something that I can tell you'd do." "Where's it now?" "...OVER THERE!!!" Deadpool hopped onto Luna's back, pulling out a Lightsaber. "Ride my Woona! To the Freddy Kreuger of MLP!!!" "...What?" "Just roll with it." Luna flapped her wings and chased after the Tantibus. Deadpool and Luna saw all the things Deadpool's Subconscious stored: past goals, past childhood memories, family & friends, and both Crazy & Stuffy. The two other forms of Deadpool grabbed onto Luna's tail, both holding on for life. WASSUP B***HES!!! Finally! We have a role! "Deadpool!" Luna yelled "Let them go! We need to catch the Tantibus!!!" "Sorry guys." Deadpool replied, standing and balancing on Luna's plot. "THIS IS SPARTA!!!" REMIX!!! After that... old meme... Luna fell to the floor, an almost perfect recreation of ponyville... but with more guns around than Boderlands 1, the Pre-sequel, and 2 have. "Why... are you... idiots?" Luna gasped "We're not idiots!" Deadpool replied We're Special!!! Both Deadpool jumped and froze like in 80's movies. Stuffy crossed his arms. You're both idiots. Just hope nopony comes around for the Tantiubus to haunt next At that moment, nearly everypony Deadpool meet came out, all now- FURRIES!!! You're into that type of stuff now? "What!?" Deadpool asked, his eyes shifting left & right "No! We're not into that type of stuff, remember?" "Then why did I change?" Luna asked, now an anthro herself. Deadpool sweated hard. "Uh... well... I... HEIL HITLER!!!" Deadpool pulled a pistol on himself and committed suicide! Deadpool awoke in one of Canterlot's guest rooms, lying on a bed. He got up and looked at his hand, seeing his hand still missing it's finger. "Great." He commented to himself. "Now I'm going to be like d*****bag Jason from Farcry 3." The door opened and Deadpool looked up, only to be greeted with a frying pan hitting him in the face. Deadpool found himself in Ponyville, where the ponies were themselves, but, as the dream from the episode, crazy s**t was happening. "Look what I have to do!" Luna proclaimed "I have to get everypony into one dream again!" NOW YOU F***KED UP!!! "Hey!" Deadpool yelled "It's not my fault! She thought of us! Plus, we can handle the Tantibus!" How? "... I don't want to do this... but we must." No! We can't! Didn't we agree that'd suck balls!? "We did! But... what choice do we have!? We must summon the performance that we and Ryan Reynalds hates!!!" Deadpool took a deep breath and breathed slowly. "TANTIBUS!!! I CHALLENGE THEE TO A DUEL!!!" The Tantibus landed next to Deadpool, growling at Deadpool! "Leave my ponies alone! Take on my worst fears if you want to, but know this: if you beat me, you can enter reality, but if I beat you, you go back into Luna's gut and whine like a little b***h!!!" The Tantibus roared at Deadpool, then started to form into the thing that Deadpool thought you and I have forgotten as an audience: MUTE-POOL!!! Deadpool puked under his mask, seeing the face that was going to try to be the new face of awesomeness, but luckily failed miserably! "He's ugly!" Deadpool yelled Ugly!!! UGLY!!! All three Deadpools pulled out their machine guns and fired at Mutepool! Mutepool shrugged the bullets out and extended it's Baraka bladed, readying it's eyes to fire it's laser! Deadpool ran away! "You distract him while I get out weapon!" We have a weapon? I believe I know what he's doing. The two Pools fought the fake mutepool, both pulling out their own swords and fighting against Fox's horrible beast next to Cancelling Futurama. "Quickly!" Twilight yelled "We gotta help... Deadpool's... clones?" We're his Id and Superego, though, I'm Stuffy, and he's Crazy. What choo sayin' Willis!? Wanna go Nite Nite N***a!? "...At least Stuffy wan'st lying." Rarity commented. "CHARGE!!!" Dashie yelled. Everypony charged at Mutepool! Mutepool pushed Stuffy & Crazy back, extended it's blades, and, awaited his enemies to come to him! Everypony lied on the floor, beaten & bruised with Mutepool standing victorious. "How did we lose?" Applejack asked "I have no idea!" Pinkie added "Not even Sonata and her taco army won." Sonata fell from a pile of tacos, eating one of her own taco minions. "They're so good!" She whined. Loud boomings were heard, shaking the floor and the ponies. "What is that!?" Twilight asked. Stuffy and Crazy stood up, both smiling. That's the mother f***ing T-Rex. The T-Rex let out it's most iconic and epic roar, one that made everypony tremble, seeing Deadpool on it's back, holding a Boom Box playing loud music! "WASSUP MOTHER F**KER!!!" Deadpool yelled "Meet my Mother f**king T-Rex!!!" The T-Rex roared with subtitles that read "I am Awesome!!!" Everypony ran away, as they knew this would get messy! Yeah! Eat that b***h that tried to take our spot! WTF IS THAT!? More booming came, and out came the Spinosaurus! The Spinosaurus came, and roared with the Subtitles "Remember me, Mother f***er?" Another roar came out of nowhere, and out, booming with American Jets & sponsorship to Mountain Dew & Doritos, came Grimlock from Michael Bay's Transformers, with Michael Bay on it's back. Grimlock roared again, but now with the Subtitles "Buy Coca-Cola!" "Who invited you over!?" Deadpool asked "Vengeance brought me back!" Michael Bay replied "That... and I want to make both an MLP movie for Ford and make your movie to sponsor Nike." "LIKE HELL YOU WILL!!!" "Wait!" The most epic movie voice spoke. Another roar, and the white I-Rex (probably made for Apple), came out with- "Jon Bailey!?" Everyone asked "That's right. The Epic movie voice guy from both Honest Trailer and Honest Game Trailer." Why are you here? You're not part of MLP or the Brony fandom "True, but this has Jurassic Park all over it, you're playing the Nostalgia Critic's 'I'm a mother f***ing T-Rex', Michael Bay is here with the piece of s**t one dimensional Grimlock from Trans4mers: The Splooging of the dong, and you, Deadpool, you have a movie coming out & you're against your piece of s**t self from the even bigger piece of s**t known as X-Men Origins: Wolverine that we're now glad doesn't exit thanks to Days of future past. Plus, I'm certain people will request us to do an Honest trailer for Equestria Girls 1 & 2, to which we may do before the third come out." Have you seen them or the show? "No, but that's where Netflix comes in." "So... are you with us or against us?" Deadpool asked "Considering I'm with pussy-saiurus and you're with the mother f**king T-Rex, it only makes sense that I team up with you, Deadpool." "Sweet!!!" "And if my Grimlock wins with the Spinosaurus," Michael Bay added "Then I get to make a movie with that lovely Deadpool that can't talk." "Oh F**k you!!! No one will see that!" "You will with the boobs and explosions." "Boobs and Explosions are half of the things I do! There's gunfire, jokes, and my friends from Marvel!" "Enough talk!" A goat like yell was heard. Everyone looked down. "Nostalgia Critic!?" Everyone asked "Shut up and Fight!!! I better not have a chapter in this awful fanfic!" "See you soon!" Deadpool replied All REAL Dinosaurs pounced on Michael Bay's Grimlock, killing his abomination and the directer himself. "NO!!!" The All-too-patriotic director yelled as he was ripped apart. "Why Mutepool!? We were allies! Like the English and French against the Germans & Russians like today!" Mutepool pulled out a sign that read 'Because you suck'. "Really?" Deadpool asked "I'm not sure if I should respect you now." "Don't." Jon Bailey simply said. "...Eh, you're right. DIE MOTHER F**KER, DIE MOTHER F**KER, DIE!!!" Deadpool pulled out his twin uzis and fired at both Mutepool and the Spinosaurus, making both flinch with pain! Crazy pulled out a bazooka and fired at the two, Stuffy pulled out the 'Merican Gun from Saints Row 4, and Jon Bailey stood there with his arms crossed. Aren'tyou gonna help us!? "I will." Jon replied "Let me handle this." The three pools stopped and Jon walked to Mutepool and the dead Spinosaurus. "Your movie sucks and you're not frightening at all." Mutepool burst open, exposing the tantibus, hearing it squeal. "Now go back into Luna and never come back." The Tantibus obeyed and went back into Luna, who had a wide, open mouth. "You can end this dream, Princess." "Wait!" Deadpool yelled, running to Jon "Please! Let me be with you for the day!" "I'm sorry, but your home is here, and you have a movie coming out. With great hope, Ryan Reynalds will bring honor back to you, and himself. But I promise, we will do an honest trailer on you, Deadpool." "And Equestria Girls?" "...Maybe, but not today." Jon dissapeared, and the dream ended. Deadpool woke up with an angered Celestia next to him. She swung the same frying pan but missed him. "Hold still!" Celestia growled "My sister need you to rid of the Tantibus!" "Halt!" Luna yelled. "Deadpool and some other human named... Jon Bailey, saved Equestria from the Tantibus!" "So it's gone?" "Yes, sister. Deadpool, we thank thee for saving Equestria, and we apologize for hurting you with our frying Pan." "I accept your apology," Deadpool replied "but the real man you have to thank for... is Jon Bailey!" Deadpool teared up a bit. "Thank you, Honest Trailer voice. May you and your voice go down in history." "...Are you crying?" Celestia asked "...Yes! Manly tears of epicness! Wherever he is, I know... he's looking down with his epic voice.... and he'll narrate me... along with Morgan Freeman." "Where did you get that child's bedsheet headpiece?" Luna asked. "It doesn't matter, Princess Mooncheeks, for I am... the Bat-pool!" Deadpool jumped off his bead and ran with an epic orchestra playing behind him! Epic Movie voice time! And Deadpool, in his stupid Batman-Wannabe-outfit, climbed to the top of the Canterlot catle and stretched his amrs & legs at the very top. He took a deep breath and, with a few steps, he ran, holding his cape in his arms, and glided among the streets of Canterlot! All the ponies below pointed and stared, half in fear with the other in laughter. Deadpool glided across the sky, looking down at everything below, feeling like he achieved the impossible! He glided across the mountains side, to Ponyville, where the town stared and wondered how he was gliding with something so small. But Deadpool knew one thing: this was SO much better than Arkham Knight's Batmobile shooting and driving by a LONG shot! He landed with no scratch, stood right up, stared into the sky, burning his eyes, then proceeded to yell the following. "MY EYES!!! WHY!?!?!? WHY DID I DO THAT!?!?!? I'M BLIND!!! MY EYES ARE BLEEDING!!!" I knew this would happen. That's why you do it at night, not the the morning, idiot. At least we're now voiced be Jon Bailey! Yo! I can say anything and get away with it! The Jared Leto Joker is the best joker, and I hope I can see him Naked throughout Suicide Squad! "F**K THAT MOVIE!!! It's us the people want, not DC!!!" Author's Note ...Where did I go with this? Check out Jon Bailey's channel! Why the T-rex? Why not!? Plus, Nostalgia Critic!!! Plus, Jon and the Critic together: 4000 VIEWS!!!HOLY S**T!!! What? Look at the number of views we have! ... HOLY S**T!!! I know! We have over 4000 views!!! But we're still gorwing, so maybe, by the end of this year, we can reach up to 5000 views!!!/color] This calls for a celebration dance! Hit it! Deadpool jumped out of the bed Twiight made for him, scaring the princess as he pulled out a boombox and played the song We Made it. Deadpool broke out of the castle's door, now wearing a pair of stylish shades, making everypony around jump back in surprise. "Wait a second!" Deadpool stopped, making the music scratch. "Yo! MrAquino! Can I have someone to celebrate with!?" ...Like who? "Someone I KNOW and am a GOOD friend with, who NEEDS me to save the future and s**t!" Hm... I know who you're talking about! "Good! Send him in! ...Wait! Can you make 'im a woman!?" Perhaps another time. "Oh man! I can't wait to meet his R63 self!!!" Another portal opened right next to Deadpool, and our Merc jumped up and down like my brother and I saw Ant-Man. "Hey! No Paul Rudd here!!! And no B-List Actors playing B-List Superheroes!" Oh, and you think you're an A-List with Ryan Reynalds? "[Too inappropriate for young viewers]" ...Ya done yet? "...Yeah... Bring Cable in." It's not Cable. "WHAT!?!?!?" "WHAT THE-!?" Another voice yelled. Deadpool turned to the portal, only to see red & blue, and was knocked to the floor. Both voices groaned as they got up, but stopped and stared at each other. Deadpool noticed the other person: it was another dude with what looked like the same red mask & white eyes as him, but the eyes looked a bit more menacing looking and there was a black pattern around that looked like a web. That's when it his him. "SPIDEY!!!" Deadpool hugged his near polar opposite best friend, Spider-Man. (Don't worry, it's neither Hipster Andrew Garfield nor Crybaby Toby McGuire.) "...DEADPOOL!?!?!?" Spider-Man pushed Deadpool off and took a few steps back, carefully examining Deadpool. "Spidey! What's up, man! Don't you remember your High School best friend, Deadpool!?" "We were never in High school together. And how do I know you're the real Deadpool and not a fake wannabe?" "Ha! Look at me! Look at how attractive I am compared to you! Need more? How about this?" Deadpool removed his mask, showing his face. "Ta-Da! Ain't I purty?" He put his mask back on. "...I guess you really are Deadpool... but I can't risk it! How did you and I meet each other?" "Easy! We were going to find Taskmaster in which I'd unalive him, I needed that thing to sell to some villain or goodguy group to be rich, and we had a fantasy battle! Man, your morality message hit me in the feels so bad, I cried for about a long periodically time." "Wait... you... learned from that?" "Sorta. As you can tell, my balls dropped, making me sound like Nolan North, and I used your lesson, changing it to "With great power comes great Irresponsibility"!" Spider-Man face palmed himself "Yep... that's Deadpool alright." Deadpool leaned to Spider-Man with miniature piano. "♫When you try your best but you don't succeed♫." Spider-Man gave an aqnnoyed look, but snickered. "I remember those vines you showed me." Deadpool's eyes widened. "You... you watched those things I sent you!?" Spider-Man blushed but shrugged his shoulders. "I won't lie, everything you sent me was funny." "Including the last one I sent?" "Before you disappeared?" Deadpool moved his eyebrows up & down. "Oh yeah! I did." "And you took the video's orders?" "Nope! I watched My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic!" "Aaand?" Spider-Man moved his eyebrows up & down "No! You're-" "Eeyup! You converted me into a being a Brony!" "That was... needed." Spider-Man commented "Oh, and where have you been all this time!?" "Here!" Deadpool replied. Spidey groaned in annoyance "And where is 'here'?" "Equestria!" Peter's eyes widened at Wade's answer. "...You mean THE Equestria and not the country in Africa?" "That's the one!" "Ha! I don't believe you! Show me the ponies!" Deadpool stared at Spider-Man for a few moments, then smirked, and pointed at him. "Girls! He knows how to get you a cutie mark!!!" "CUTIE MARK!?!?!?" Three familiar fillies exclaimed together. In a small (and very adorable) stampede, the Cutie Mark Crusaders tackled a very ticklish Spider-Man, who was rolling on the floor as the fillies tackled him, poking at his suit. Scootaloo stopped and stared at Spider-Man, who finally got his breath. "Deadpool?" Scoots asked "What's with the new get up? Are you trying to look more menacingly?" "And what's with the Spider?" Applebloom asked "Are ya'll trying to shoot webs outta ya'll flank?" "I love the blue, though." Sweetie Belle commented. "I'm right here." Deadpool spoke in an impatient tone. The fillies turned to Deadpool, then back to Peter, then back to Deadpool, and back, followed by screaming! They ran away and hid right behind Deadpool's legs, shivering & cowering in fear from Spider-Man. "...What's wrong with them?" Spider-Man asked "They should be fearing you, not me! It's not like-" He froze and his mind began to click: Deadpool's disappearance + Equestria= "You... You've been in Equetria all this time?" "Survey says!" Deadpool pointed to his Taco squad, each holding a checkmark above their heads (Though Fluffle Puff was eating hers) "CORRECT!!!" "What the-!? You've been causing chaos and being yourself here in Equestria!? Do you not realize what you're doing to the show!?" "Yeah! I've been doing it a service!" "Such as?" "This!" Deadpool pulled out the decapitated head of Tirek. "Another Deadpool!?" Tirek yelled "No! Not anymore!!! Please!!! Kill me!" Deadpool had on the bane mask "When Gotham city is in ashes, then you have my permission to die." Deadpool then football kicked Tirek's head away, sending him to who knows where. Spider-Man's left eye twitch, not even noticing Deadpool leaning on his right. "You know he deserves this." "...Deadpool." Spider-Man spoke, taking in a deep breath "What else have you done?" "This!" Deadpool took out his phone "All the selfies I took so far!" "Selfies!?" Spider-Man looked through Deadpool's pictures, seeing that he did take a selfie with nearly everypony in the show, but also some O.C.s "Wow... no kidding... this is what you've been doing?" "And plenty of singing that involves copying and pasting the same music note over & over again at the beginning & end of a part where we sing." "...singing?" "Like in the show!" "...I can't deny that." "And just look at how adorable they are! There's no way I wanna kill them!" "...Really!?" "Well... a few exceptions... but LOOK AT THEM!!!" He picked up Sweetie Belle like a kitten or puppy, turned, and showed her to Spider-Man "Look at adorable they are in real life!!!" Spider-Man stared at Sweetie Belle and vice versa. Deadpool walked towards Spider-Man and gently dropped Sweetie Belle into his arms. Spider-Man's eyes widened, but he held Sweetie Belle. "...Deadpool?" "Go on! Show how nice you are under those threatening looking eyes that say 'I wanna kill you!'." Both filly and human's eyes widened at his comment and awkwardly chuckled. Spider-Man lifted Sweetie Belle and looked at her face. Sweetie panicked a bit, but watched as Spider-Man carefully took his mask off, showing his real face known as Peter Parker. "Better?" "Uh... yeah." Sweetie replied with a blush & a small smile. Pater began to carefully pet Sweetie's mane, in which the unicorn flinched for a bit, but stopped and enjoyed his hands touching her hair. Deadpool grabbed onto his heart area and fell onto his back with a 'Hnng!'. Scootaloo and Applebloom walked next to Deadpool and kicked his body. "He ain't dead, is he?" Applebloom asked "Considering he shot himself in class and freaked us all out, I don't this'll get him." Scootaloo replied "He WHAT!?" Peter yelled. "He's done worse." Sweetie deadpanned. "Rightey there!" Deadpool yelled. He flipped himself back up, now holding Scootaloo and Applebloom in his arms. "I swear, the adorableness is such a double edge sword: it calms me down and lets me appreciate life even more, but I'm always caught off guard by their special talents and, well, violence here." "That's... surprisingly true." Peter replied "There Ya'll are!" Applejack's voice yelled. Wade and Peter turned, seeing the Mane 6 going towards them. "Ah Hope ya'll aint doing anything too crazy Deadpool and... Deadpool?" "I'm not Deadpool!" Peter replied "Of course you're not." Rarity replied "You're so much more adorable than Deadpool, Mister... um-" "I'm Spider-Man!" "...I don't get it." Rainbow Dash replied. "Give me a sec." He gently dropped Sweetie Belle and put on his mask. "Get it now?" "...You're scarier looking than Deadpool." Fluttershy commented. "HA!!!" Deadpool mocked "Ponies love me more!" "No they don't." Spider-Man replied "Guys," Twilight Sparkle began "please, we're not saying who's better, but we need to-" "I'm better!" Deadpool yelled "No!" Spider-Man yelled "I'm better!!!" "I'm better because people are more stoked for my film than your third piece of s**t Not-so-amazing Hipster-Man 3 and other Suicide Squad knockoff film!" "What are you even talking about!? You're a psycho who can't go two seconds without thinking about chimichangas!" "Did somepony say 'chimichangas'!?" Pinkie asked, looking around like Zoidberg when someone mentions food. Deadpool pulled a boombox out. "If we're gonna fight," Deadpool said "We better do it right!" "With music!?" Spider-Man asked "F**k yeah!" When the beat dropped, Deadpool pulled out his semi-auto pistol and fired at Peter. Spider-Man dodged the bullets, performing some backflips & spinning in the air, jumping back, and shot some web onto Deadpool's chest. He pulled himself & Deadpool closer, knocking Deadpool to the floor with a heavy ground pound with his feet, and kicking Deadpool in the sky, where he used his webs again to zip himself toward the merc and punch him across the face in the sky. Deadpool blocked his last punch and headbutted Spider-Man, grabbed Peter and made him crash into the floor! Deadpool then began to b***h slap Peter across the face! "That's for being first!" Deadpool began, naming off all of the sins the Spider-Man franchise did as they fell. "That's for lying about your origins! That's for Spider-Man Reign! That's for issue #545! That's for Sins past! That's for that cash-grab called "The Spider-Mobile"! That's for that 80's movie in Japan! That's for that Japaneese show! That's for the 60's show that took away my hilarity thanks to the internet! That's for looking like me! That's for crying over Uncle Ben every second in your original trilogy! That's for Spider-Man 3!!! That's for the Amazing Spider-Man movies!!! That's for having Andrew Garfield play as you! That's for not having Leonardo DiCaprio play as you! That's because I love you! That's because I hate you! That's because MrAquino says so! That's because I found out MrAquino used to worship you when your first movie came out! That's for redoing my slap scene from my videogame! And This *SLAP!* is *SLAP!* because *SLAP!* I *SLAP!* want *SLAP!* everyone *SLAP!* to *SLAP!* laugh!!!" Spider-Man laid on the floor, unconscious Everypony stared at the sight. "Don't worry," Deadpool replied "He's still alive. Need proof? Let's see how his Lokis are doing!" Deadpool kicked Spider-Man in the balls. Peter got up and screamed, holding his balls and groaned in pain. "...Deadpool?" Spider-Man groaned. Deadpool leaned towards Spider-Man. "What up, n***a?" Deadpool asked "...Were we fighting?" "Oh... okay. Where are we?" "PONY ATTACK!!!" Deadpool jumped out of the way as Pinkie tackled Spider-Man. "What the-!? Pinkie Pie!?" "Hi!" Pinkie replied. Spider-Man stared, then fainted. "Oh, he was fun, even if he did seem a bit of a knockoff to you, Deadpool." "Just like that Slade guy." Deadpool replied. A portal opened, ready to take Peter back. Deadpool grabbed Spider-Man and threw him into it. "CAPER TOSSED!!!" Spider-Man was thrown into the portal, and the portal closed. "So long... partner." "How are you both friends?" Twilight asked "Like this!" Deadpool is Sonic and Spider-Man is Shadow. Author's Note I was a huge fan of Spider-Man when I was young. Kinda wished I was still young, but I'm not stupid anymore. But I can tell, if I were in a middle row, I can think of Deadpool and Spider-Man doing the Numa Numa Dance. Also, I was a sonic fan as well. Thanks for the 4000+ views, guys! Please, share this with your friends, followers, and family (though last is an option). Also, since my Birthday is coming up, I might as well make it a special chapter that you guys make! Please, message me what you want to happen in the next chapter! Special characters, actions, or references are welcomed (though I may not know all, just saying). Enjoy and see ya'll after August 2nd!!! Birthday!!!We join with Deadpool, who's... ugh... know what? F**k it! Today was a horrible day at work, I got really s***ty presents this year, and I need to do something great! For this chapter, I'm going to Equetria! This chapter's through MY perspective, so it's going to be in first person and I don't give a single F**K!!! Let's just do this! ♫Blue Skidoo, we can too!♫ Everything went dark for me, but I could hear the chirping of birds around me. A cloud moved out of the way and I was greeted with sunlight hitting my eyes. I groggily opened my eyes, seeing that I was no longer in my home anymore, but an open field. I stood right up and took a step forward, but fell immediately. I opened my eyes to see that my hands were now gone, but now white hooves like that of a workhorse with my legs being a light brown. I looked behind to see my wings flapping instinctively, showing me my flank with it's silver heart cutie mark, back legs that matched with my front legs, and a small & black tail. I stood right up and stretched myself as any dog would, hearing small cracks across my new pony body. Normally, I'd freak out about being a pony, and truth be told, I kinda was, but since I've been to Equestria before, right after Deadpool kicked me out of my home as the 100th pony, I might as well use this as a means to have fun from working on my own birthday. I won't lie: walking as a pony feels weird, but you'll soon get the hang of it. Think of it as bear crawling when it was P.E. during Kindergarten, but only forever, and your back doesn't stick out, but sticks in, and your head & neck are mor on your back rather than sticking out as our human bodies are built. In fact, the way I was walking, I swear music played and... of buck it Living in the sunlight!!! As I walked with the music behind me, several other ponies followed me, including... oh sweet Celestia! Twilight's next to me! Alright Kane, don't screw this up! I mean, it's her, you've meet each other, and you saved her life, so she's gotta- "IT'S YOU!!!" A nuisance interrupted me, making me jump. Oh... right... him. "Deadpool." I grumbled to myself "Of all the beings I want to meet here, it had to be you." "Eeyup! So what choo here for? Trying to Get Twilight say hat she wants the D?" "What!?" I blushed "No! Nothing like that?" "Ooh! Want to get any other mares to ride your little-" "NO!!! I came here to-" "I knew it! You're Gay as f**k!!! Want Big Mac with a side order of Braeburn's-" "HEY!!! STOP!!! THAT'S GAY!!!" At that moment, a blue orb appeared right between Deadpool and I. Electricity sparked from it, causing my mane to rise from the electricity, but I watched as a two figures began to form: one kneeling while the other one was sitting in something. "What is that!?" Twilight asked, taking a few steps back. "... I think I know who it is!" I exclaimed. Finally! Some people who can control Deadpool! First was Cable, Deadpool's best friend and advisor from the future. And in his floating wheelchair (also from the future) with the built in, smaller version of Cerebro was the man that looked WAY too similar to Patrick Stewart (And possibly sounded like him), Charles Xavier! I couldn't help it, but my wings opened with a 'pomf!', and I- "Ew! Wingboner!!!" Deadpool yelled. I shook myself back in reality, blushed at what I did, and did my best to put my wings back in their folded position. "Deadpool!" Cable yelled "There you are! We've been searching all over for you!" "Cable! Mr. Handicap Man! Where have you both been!?" "For the last time," Xavier said in annoyance with the same, awe inspiring voice of Stewart himself "I am Charles Xavier, better known as Professor Xavier or just Professor X." "Yeah yeah, what~ever! Not my fault you don't have a healing factor like me, or else you'd do this!" Deadpool then began to do the Kazotsky Kick, very surprisingly, with the same music. It was a faster infestation than on the TF2 servers, as nearly everypony, minus Twilight and myself, danced along with Deadpool. We stood next to Xavier and Cable, who had confused looks on their faces as we had, watching the Russian madness. Cable gave look a confused look as Xavier looked at me with an intrigued look. (By my size and how he's sitting, we're nearly face to face, and it doesn't take a guy like him to know that I'm fanboying the f**k out). Deadpool finished his Russian dance, but didn't see the four of us having a confused look, but rather, seeing Cable ruffle Twilight's mane into what looked liked it's anime self, and Xavier patting my mane as if I were a dog. (Oh man! Not only was i being petted by the leader of the X-Men, but Patrick Stewart himself!!! Now I can tell me kids what happened, all because-) "You made it to this land because you had to work on your birthday?" Xavier asked me. My eyes opened wide, my pupils shrunk, and I was frozen. He read my mind and he didn't notice!? "I know a lot of things that you don't know, Kane Aquino." Charles Xavier knows my name!!! "And I see you know mine as well." OH MAN!!! This is awesome, frightening, and weird all mixed together in one!!! Can you... scratch behind my right ear? "Sure thing." "Oh yeah." I spoke in complete bliss as Xavier scratched behind my right ear. "What about me!?" Deadpool asked. "You've been away for a while and you nearly DOOMED Earth with your disappearance!!!" Cable shouted in anger. "Really!? I always thought that with me around, I doomed earth multiple times." "You're the necessary evil." Charles replied. "So what you need me to do, Captain Picard?" I chuckled at his joke. "Apocalypse is arriving soon, and while Wolverine can take him down-" "Like in EVERY X-Men Movie!" "... We need you to help us defeat him." "Well it depends. Is it this Apocalypse?" He pulled out his phone to show us the different Apocalypses "Or this one that looks like a mix between Ivan Ooze & Mr.Freeze?" They both stared in confusion, but as for me, I saw what Deadpool meant, and I Laughed like Zim. They all stared at me laughing, causing me to wipe my tears away. "Sorry," I said "That was TOO funny." At that moment, another portal opened above us. "He's here!" Cable yelled, pulling his huge gun out. "Get out of here, Professor!" "Yeah!" Deadpool added, pushing Xavier out of his own chair. "I need this!" Deadpool sat in the floating chair and began to fly in it. "Wait!" Xavier pleaded "You can't leave me like this!" "Don't worry professor." I said "I'll help you out." I carefully levitated the prof onto my back (really light, by the way), feeling him grab onto my mane, and I ran ahead, my wings flapping in instinct, though I never flew. Twilight ran next to me. "Xavier?" Twilight asked "Who is this Apocalypse fellow and what can we do to stop him?" "Apocalypse is an ancient mutant born with a variety of superhuman abilities, further augmented himself after merging with Celestial technology." I answered before Charles could. "He has total control over the molecules of his body, enabling him to alter his form as it suits him such as allowing his body to become extremely malleable and flexible or change its size, enhance his physical abilities, transform his limbs into weapons, wings, or jets, regenerate from fatal injuries, adapt his body to apparently any disease or hostile environment, and give himself virtually any physical superhuman power. He's also able to project and absorb energy, and has displayed telepathy and telekinesis. Apocalypse is also capable of technopathy, able to directly interface with the various technologies he has at his disposal. Thanks to the aid of his mutant abilities, special "regeneration" chambers and changing bodies, Apocalypse has made himself effectively immortal. Aside from his superhuman powers, Apocalypse is extraordinarily intelligent; a scientific genius with knowledge in various areas of science and technology including physics, engineering, genetics, and biology, all of which are more advanced than conventional science. Apocalypse has knowledge of Celestial technology that he uses for his own applications, such as altering mutants or humans. Apocalypse is also a skilled demagogue and a master strategist." We went inside Cheerilee's school, empty for it was a weekend, where Xavier and Twilight went silent. I carefully placed Xavier onto Cheereilee's desk, where he gave me a confused look. "How do you know this stuff?" He asked "That? Oh... uh... well... you see... I-" "Show my your mind." "WHAT!?" "You have a special ability with you, and there's a lot going on through your brain. Please, allow me to enter; I will force my way if I have to." I sweated really hard, but, knowing this was Charles, maybe he would realize that he was from a comic book world, meant to portray civil rights in a way. I took a deep breath and allowed Xavier to enter my mind, in which it didn't feel like much, but then again, I never had anyone enter my brain before. The roof tore open above us, making Xavier stop and Twilight to hide underneath a desk. I looked up to see what was three silhouettes of something that looked human, but not really. The three figures charged at me, and I flinched, unsure if I was going to be hurt. Then, I heard sweet, innocent little girls giggling. I opened my eyes, feeling and seeing not just any little girls, but the Powerpuff girls! "Whee!" Bubbles cheered "A pony!" "Look at his glasses!" Blossom exclaimed, taking my glasses off and looking through them "He must be really smart!" "Smart!?" Buttercup asked "Look at huge he is! He must be really tough!" I stood for a solid minute as the triplets did whatever they wanted to me that didn't result in pain. "Uh... hello?" I spoke. They all gasped at me, flying away and regrouping. "It can talk!?" They all asked in unison. "...Yes, I can talk." They all gasped again "LET'S KEEP HIM!!!" Bubbles exclaimed "Hold on! What about my rights!? Is there any way you'll be fair about this!?" "We got one!" Buttercup replied "A five second head start. Starting... NOW!!!" My wings flared and I flew away! I saw, right below, both Deadpool and Cable fighting against, luckily, the TRUE Apocalypse, but I knew what I had to do. If I'm guessing right, the CMC should be in their clubhouse right now. I turned to fly to Sweet Apple Acres, but I soon heard the famous zooming noise the PPGs made. Turning behind, I saw the streak of blue, pink, and green heading my way. Now, I knew it was now or never! I flapped my wings harder to get to the CMC's clubhouse! The PPG's were getting much closer... closer... closer... TOO CLOSE!!! "PONY!!!" Bubbles yelled as she tackled me out of the sky! I fell to the floor, and everything was in slow motion, as I was only a few feet from the CMC's clubhouse. I struggled to get away from the little girl's grip, but her superhuman strength made it much more difficult. Buttercup and Blossom landed near me and helped Bubbles drag me away. Now, as like any cartoon would do, I bit into the floor below (delicious grass, by the way) and held on for dear life, using my front hooves to drag me forward, though I didn't go anywhere. "Come... on!" Buttercup yelled "I'm sure... the professor... wouldn't mind... you!" Blossom added. "And you're adorable!" Bubbles finished. I held on for dear life, but then I remembered one thing: I'm an Alicorn! Duh! I concentrated my horn and, in a few seconds, I teleported myself away! I awoke myself in an almost pitch black room, where I swear I heard water dripping. I tried to make out if there was any light around, but instead, I stumbled against a wall, feeling something that felt like statues, but squished with some liquid hitting my face. The door opened, and it looked like Fluttershy stood there. "Oh thank Celestia." I said to myself. "Fluttershy! I'm so glad that-" "Y'er in my shed." A weird, Fat Albert sounding voice said. I froze and slowly realized who was at the door. The lights turned on, and on the walls, were small woodland creatures skinned with their skeletons showing. The figure in front of me was Fluttershy, but it wasn't the one from the show, but it was HotDiggedyDemon's Fluttershy from the Pony.Mov series! "Oh... this is... your shed? I'm sorry, I was...uh.... practicing... my teleportation... and... uh-" The sound of a chainsaw stopped me. "What I tell ya'll about coming IN MY SHED!?!?!?" "OH SHIT!!!" I yelled. She sung her chainsaw to decapitate me, but I quickly ducked, losing a bit of my mane. I then concentrated on my horn again and teleported outside. I turned to see the other FLutterhsy turn around, revved up her chainsaw again, and began to run after me! I screamed like a girl and ran as fast as my legs can carry me, looking like something out of a horror movie! I looked above me, seeing another portal opening. Out of the portal came the most gayest thing that caused me to stop and the Pony.Mov Fluttershy to stop: the Gay vampires & Werewolves from the awful Twilight books. "I will always love you." Said the head gay vampire. "I will love you too." Replied the plank of wood with no emotion, Kristen Stewart. "That's my girl." The shaved Lama spoke. "Oh god!" I yelled. "Bring in E-MO-TION!!!" I turned to the .Mov Fluttershy "Have fun killing them." "Yer they in my shed?" she asked "...Yeah. Plus, there's a lama with them!" "COME HERE LITTLE ONES!!!" She jumped at them and started to slice them with her chainsaw! Blood spewed everywhere, but even then, they didn't scream at all, but sound bored while being massacred by a pegasus with a chainsaw! She stopped as only their skulls were left: Edward's having a lack of vampire teeth, Jacob for being a literal lama skull, and Kristen, who's skull didn't smile at all! Flutterhsy turned to me and, after a few moments of starring, revved up her chainsaw again. Run. I ran all the way back to Ponyville, still being chased by the Pony.Mov Fluttershy, seeing the Cutie Mark Crusaders in front of me. The CMC were in their wagon as Scootaloo pulled it, and I jumped into the wagon. "What in Tarnation!?" Applebloom yelled "Get off our Wagon!" Sweetie Belle yelled, trying to push me off. "Sorry girls," I said, my horn glowing and taking Scootaloo off her scooter. "But I gotta survive!" I jumped onto Scoot's scooter and began to make my escape. "My Scooter!" Scootaloo yelled. She bit onto my tail and held on, causing the wagon to be pulled with me! I turned to see her biting onto my tail, but I was more concerned with the .Mov Fluttershy than these girls. Turning, I saw the PPG's ahead of me, crossing their arms with an impatient look. I freaked out and turned to the left, heading into an alleyway, seeing Deadpool & Cable fight Apocalypse in the distance. The sound of the PPG were right above me, and the sound of Fluttershy's chainsaw were right behind me, followed by her "STAY OUTTA MY SHED!!!". I freaked out, unsure what to do at all, until... I heard it. Bonnie Tyler's I need a hero. "Enough talk," I said to myself "Time for action!" The music made me go faster than what I thought I could do, and everything around me turned slow. I headed straight towards the fight, taking the CMC off and throwing the wagon at Apocalypse! This stunned him, allowing Deadpool to jump and stab him the back multiple times! "Staby! Staby!" Deadpool yelled. "Wade!" Cable yelled "Together!" "Got it!" Deadpool teleported next to Cable and pulled his Semi-Autos out as Cable charged his huge beam rifle. My Horn glowed as I stood next to the two, joining in their fight! Twilight appeared next to me with Charles Xavier in his floating wheel chair! Charles turned around and Controlled the mind of the Pony.Mov Fluttershy. The PPG flew right above us, not saying any words, but charged their eyes. "FIRE!!!" I yelled! Together, in a barrage of lasers like Megaman's final smash, we annihilated Apocalypse! A portal opened right behind him, as Apocalypse dragged himself away. "This... is not over." He said as he entered the portal. I was going to cheer, but stopped as I saw the PPG landing near me, giving me a death glare. Without looking away, I levitated the CMC in front of me. Immediately (and very lucky), the PPG's dawed at the CMC, Blossom holding Applebloom, Bubbles with Sweetie Belle, and Buttercup with Scootaloo. I turned to see the .Mov Fluttershy, breathing like a maniac and still holding her chains saw. She revved it up, but nothing happened. "...DAMMIT!!!" She yelled "I'm outta fuel! I'll get you next time! Stay outta my shed!" And she ran away. I took a deep breath, feeling much better now, only to be hit with the skulls of Kristen Stewart, Edward, and the Lama. Xavier floated over to me. "Now," he said "about your mind." "Go ahead." I simply said. The best way to describe having Xavier in your mind and walking your mind is similar to the Celestia Ballad, but with some Inside-Out mixed as in what you're into, no little people though. And I must say, walking next to Xavier inside your mind is something you HAVE to do before you die! Not a lot was said, but let's just say he knows all things there is to know about me, both good and bad. Exiting is weird, but harmless; it's like waking up from a sleep, though you still remember your dream very well. "You really are special." "Uh... sir?" Twilight asked. I turned to see Twilight. "Yeah?" I replied "I was just wondering... well... what happened... and where you found that... other Fluttershy." "It's a weird and long story." "I see." We both stared at each other for a few seconds, then slowly extended our necks to each other. We stopped as we heard some snapping. Turning, we saw Deadpool, Cable, and the Taco squad together dressed up as if they were from the 50's. Then, as I remembered from How I Meet Your Mother, they began to perform "For the Longest time". We looked at each other, closed our eyes, leaned in... and kissed. In my head, I could see the two of us together dancing to the song the Taco squad were singing in the dance scene from Back to the Future, perhaps with Marty McFly in there as well. As soon as they stopped, we released each other from our kiss. "That... was perfect." "That was my first kiss ever." "Same thing here. Y'know, this sounds crazy, but I may not be from this world, but I wanna be with you as long as I live." "We're Alicorns, silly. We're never gonna age as fast as everypony else." "Yeah, and... Twilight?" "Yes?" "I... You... I don't know what to say, but-" the sound of a chainsaw revving up stopped me. "I FOUND FUEL!!! STAY OUTTA MY SHED!!!" Oh great. "I gotta go!" I ran away to what was a painting of my living room sitting on the floor. I looked back, seeing a Sad Twilight, but she jumped back as she saw the Pony.Mov Fluttershy running at me, swinging her chainsaw around! "♫Blue Skeedo, We can too!♫" And, just like Blue's Clues, I was back home. Well... it was fun, but-OH SHIT! WORK!!! Hey! How come he gets to swear!? He's real and we're not. Wait... so we aren't real at all? Yep. We're a figment of one's imagination? Yeah And there's nothing we can do about it? That's the point. Wha-What are we gonna do!? ... wanna sing Queen? Oh S**T! Let's do it! And mix it up with Daft Punk! What!? You can't- Hit it!!! Author's Note I now know the feeling, Rainbow Dash. So much craziness!!! if you see a skull, it looks like it's smiling. Kristen Stewart's skull doesn't. Beware the Fox.As Deadpool laid on the floor, wasted AF on the bed in his house, he suddenly awoke when, in the real life, thousands of people groaned. He woke up with Sonata and Pinkie on his lap, but under his mask, he was flipping out. "Oh s**t!" He yelled, trying his best be be quick & gentle to remove the pony & siren. "Oh s**t! S**tS**tS**tS**tS**tS**t!!!" He ran to the front door and opened it, seeing another portal opening up and dropping four people: a white guy, a white chick, a black dude, and a rock. "F**K ME!!!" What is it!? It's the Fantastic 4. Really? Well... with Jessica Alba, we can have naked and hope she doesn't- This is the reboot. OH HELL NAH!!! Exactly. There's only 1 thing we have to do now! If it involves murder... then I'll allow it. Deadpool pulled out his swords, readied his pistols, cocked his sniper rifle, and took a bite out a fried chicken leg. "Let's be the bad guys for this moment." Deadpool said to himself. A representative of Fox walked next to him. Deadpool walked into the everfree forest, seeing the Fant4stic just walking around aimlessly as they do, waiting for the money to roll in and make a sequel. "I want a sequel!" Deadpool yelled. Same thing here, but Ryan Reynolds won't be doing any superhero stuff for a while. "Ugh... fine. Now, how shall we get ride of them?" Oh! Let's lure the black one with stuff he likes!!! That's Racist! With him being the human torch and the movie being a piece of s**t, I don't give a F**K! The Fant4stic walked around, not doing anything superhero related like, well, DOING ANYTHING!!! "How'd we get here?" Not-Groot asked "We were pulled in through a portal." The Not-Smart Reed Richards replied. "How are we going to get out of here?" Adopted Storm asked. "We'll find a way. Johnny, I need you to-" "WATERM-E-LONE!!!" The black stereotype yelled, running away. Okay!!! THAT is racist as f**k! Wait until he gets to the end! Light Skin Johnny into the wood, following the rolling Watermelon, going into an opening as he saw, on a stool, was a bucket of fried chicken, a pitcher filled with Kool-aid, grape soda, a pair of fresh J's, and a hot white woman with a big butt. "Oh yeah!" Johnny said, oblivious to the super racist scene that Deadpool made and not me, walking into middle. As soon as he got to the middle, and ground broke, and he fell into a small pond. "Help! I can't swim!!!" Dogs surrounded the hole he fell in & barked at him and Deadpool walked to the hole, wearing... no! Don't! "What!?" he asked "I'm a ghost! Black people freak out at supernatural activities better than white people, right?" You're dressed up as a member of the KKK! "...So? It works!" We're gonna get an M rating, aren't we? "I hope so!" ...No. Wear this; it's less racist and you fit the roll. "...Fine! I'll put on your stupid cowboy outfit." Deadpool in his cowboy outfit looked down the hole, where Johnny kept squirming on how he can't swim. "Lookey what we got here!" Deadpool announced in a cowboy accent "If it ain't Johnny storm of the Fant4stic." "It's the Fantastic 4!" Johnny replied, still splashing. "And who are you!?" "Who am I? I'm the guy that's gonna make more money than your piece of s**t movie! I'm the one who's going to have billions of people screaming for a sequel than your film! I'm the guy who's going to prove Comic Book movies can be fun and can do anything they want as long as they're loyal to source material! The name's Deadpool, and now, Rest in peace." "What!!! No!!!" "Enjoy the music as you drown in there." Deadpool pulled the top part of the hole and covered it, as a remix of the saw theme, obviously hoping the beat would make Johnny turn up to make himself drown. "One down," Deadpool siad to himself "Three to go!" Wait. Can't Johnny fly out of there? Deadpool froze. "...You're right." Deadpool said. "But just to be safe!" Deadpool pulled out the Holy Hand grenade. "O LORD, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy." He pulled the clip, opened the hole a bit to hear Johnny still screaming, and dropped the grenade in the hole with the man of fire. In a few seconds, an explosion was heard. "...To the Fant3stic!" A small explosion was heard as the rest of the three heroes STILL DID NOTHING!!! "What was that?" Orange rock asked. "An explosion?" Not Jessica Alba asked "We better not get involved with it." Lazy leader said. "I beg to differ!" Deadpool announced himself. He teleported into the middle with two rocks in his hand. "What the-!?" The nude man yelled "Who are you!" "...I'm your second worst nightmare!" He began to tap the rocks together, repeating Martin Garrix's Animals like how Agnes did in Despicable Me. In a few short seconds, the floor rumbled, and out of the forest, Maud leaped out and landed near Deadpool. It didn't even take her a second to see the CGI abomination. "THE THING!!!" She screamed, smiling like how Pinkie did with the Grand Galloping Gala tickets. She tackled the Not-Thing, and both rolled away, as the Grimm guy screamed. Both Mrs. Not-So-Fantastic and the see through woman readied themselves for a fight. "Johnny!" Stretch Armstrong yelled "Johnny's dead." Deadpool simply said. "What!?" The woman yelled "Y-you-" "Yes. I killed your brother from another mother." "Y-You B*****D!!!" She charged at him, summoning a Force field around her. Deadpool teleported into her force field, held her by the back of her air, removed his mask, and kissed her! She struggled to get out, but, for some weird reason, she stopped and began to moan. They stopped their kiss and looked at each other. "What was that?" "Kiss of Death, baby." "What do you-?" She looked down to see a knife deep into her stomach. "You... stabbed me?" "NOPE!!!" Deadpool teleported a few feet away and pressed a detonator. Her entire top half (minus the legs) exploded!!! "That was a knife with C4 in it!" "Susan!" Long arm man yelled. "You'll pay for this!" Deadpool teleported to him, but did the splits. And, just like that, he was dead. Deadpool stood, seeing what he did. You murdered all of them in cold blood. What do we do? "...Celebrate!" Deadpool yelled. He started to dance to the song Celebration from Kool & the Gang, celebrating the fact that he murdered these superheroes in their latest piece of s**t that had little fun and too much exposition for a sequel. Author's Note Fant4stic REALLY sucks. Apologies for that part with Johnny. Deadpool insisted after we watched one too many vines. When your squad is on point.In the north, way past the Crystal Empire, laid the home of the Yaks, Yak-yakinstan. The village was relatively peaceful... at least outside, as inside nearly all of the buildings, the yaks brawled with each other, destroying everything in sight, though they really enjoyed it. Inside a bar, another fight was happening with some yaks being thrown out of the windows. They all stopped when the door to the bar opened, and Deadpool, still in that cowboy outfit with an added scarf, entered... though he jumped up & down as he entered, rubbing his arms quickly from the cold. "That was colder than I expected!" He said to himself, his voice now squeaky sounding. "Aw great! My balls shrunk!" All of the yaks stared at him. Deadpool walked through the crowd, heading to the booth where a lone yak was at, serving what may be yak beer. Deadpool sat on the booth chair, though looking around, seeing the other yaks giving him the evil eye. He turned to the bartender. "Do you have anything warm?" "Yaks hate warm drinks!" The bartender yelled "Warm drinks make yaks weak!!!" "....Then do you have anything like... water?" "YAKS NO DRINK WATER!!! WATER MAKES YAKS WEAK!!!" "Okay! Sheesh! Then can I have your most biggest, strongest, and cheapest drink?" The yak stared at him for a few moments, then pulled out a whole barrel. "This biggest, strongest, and cheapest drink." "SWEET!!!" Deadpool picked up the barrel and started to chug it. All the Yaks stared and showed their eyes in surprise, as not only Deadpool was smaller than them, but he chugging a whole barrel by himself with no help needed at all! In a few moments, Deadpool tossed the empty barrel out. "Oh man! That was so good! A bit hairy, but otherwise, delicious!" "You drank all Yak beer!" One of the yaks yelled "That was last barrel!" "You small and should've fell!" "Looks can be deceiving!" Deadpool announced, turning around and seeing every yak inside, making a face that were clearly p***ed off. "What? College students would cheer on it." "YAKS SMASH!!!" All the yaks yelled, shaking the place! "Smash!? I'm a dude! The only things you smash are women!" All the yaks came closer, lowering their horns down, ready to battle against Deadpool. We can kick their a**es!!! We can't. Why not!? Considering we're outnumbered by them and, unlike the changelings, these yaks give Big Mac a run for his money and will not be fooled by some pop culture reference. Then what do we do!? ... just go to your happy place. A large, green portal opened right above Deadpool, causing the yaks to back up. Out of the Portal came four recognizable figures that he knew really well! A woman, a kid, a decapitated head, and a dog, all dressed up & looking like Deadpool himself "The... The Deadpool corps!?" Deadpool asked, his eyes widening with hearts all around him. "Who else would it be, Wade?" The female asked. "Wanda!!!" "Where have you been!?" the boy asked "With your disappearance, Headpool had to be in the closet!" "I ain't gay!" The head yelled "He had to literally lock me in the closet because I couldn't get my chimichangas!!!" "*Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.*" The Dog barked. "You know I don't speak Italian!" Deadpool replied to the dog. "What's happening!?" One of the yaks yelled "Who does tiny man have tinier friends!?" Another asked. "...Yaks!?" All the other pools asked "It's a long story." Deadpool replied, then he turned to the yaks. "As for my 'tiny' friends here, we're a team of different pools from different dimensions, banded together to save all dimensions from even greater evils! We have Lady Deadpool: the super hot female version of me with a less than ugly mug like me. Kidpool: the smaller, much younger version of myself that still needs to learn to eat his veggies; Headpool: The decapitated head of my zombie self that ocasionally tries to bite us, only to learn he can't move at all; and last, but not least, Dogpool: A fluffly, cute version of myself that's- STOP HUMPING MY LEG!!! Together, we are the Deadpool Corps!!! POSE!!!" All of the yaks stood there, some coughing while other just let out a 'huh?'. "...We're a squad that kicks ass." Kidpool summed it up. "... YAKS SMASH!!!" "Now you f**ked up!" Lady Deadpool said, slapping Kidpool in the back of his head. "Boom box!" Headpool yelled. Dogpool pulled a boombox and pressed the play button, but LxrdJaay's gay song play. Deadpool screamed and pressed the next button, and DMX's X Gon Give it to Ya played. They all jammed to the song, but as soon as the first 'X Gon gie it to ya' played, both Deadpool and his female counter part grabbed a stool chair and slammed it across a yak's face! Kidpool grabbed Headpool and threw him at one of the yaks, where Headpool bit onto one of the yak's horns, causing that yak to panic and run around in a state of panic. Both Kidpool and Dogpool charged at another yak, Kidpool using a stool chair as a weapon while Dogpool bit into the Yak's leg! Deadpool leaned and grabbed a yak by it's hind legs and Lady Deadpool performed a back kick and knocking the yak out. She flipped in the air, jumping over a charging yak & landing on it's back, but pulled onto it's horns, making the yak fall onto it's back. Deadpool jumped into the air and piledrove into the gut of the yak, knocking it out. He teleported next to Kidpool and Dogpool, Kidpool threw the bar stool to Deadpool, in which he caught it and did an uppercut with it, making the yak stand on it's hind legs. Kidpool then charged & slid in between the yak's legs, prepared his legs, and kicked the yak in it's balls, making the yak cream with agony. Kidpool jumped into the air and ran across the yak's dumb heads, seeing, landing on where Headpool was at. He grabbed Headpool and tossed it to Deadpool, just before he grabbed onto the yak's horns and suplexed it, making the yak fall onto it's side and trip over other yaks. Deadpool grabbed another bar stool, held it with both of his hands and, with Headpool coming towards him, he swung it like a baseball bat, making Headpool bounce everywhere as if he were a pinball machine. Lady Deadpool kicked a yak in the balls, making the yak flinch in pain, but was promptly headbutted by Headpool going as faster than Sonic's downfall. Dogpool ran ahead and Lady Deadpool leaned backwards, making her body a ramp for Dogpool, who also used her boobs as a boost as he leaped onto another Yak's face, grabbing it by it's horns. Lady Deadpool stood right back up, messed with her boobs to see if nothing was wrong, then teleported up into the air, breaking a chandelier hanging above the yak Dogpool was busy with. She teleported to an opening and whistled for the mutt, to which it stopped with it's ears perking and ran to her. The Yak was slow to realize, but the chandelier fell and knocked out the yak. All the remaining yaks, whether they actually fought or not, panicked and ran out of the bar, leaving the Deadpool corps alone in a more than destroyed bar with piles of knocked out yaks across the floor and only a table in the middle with four chairs for them. "Suck it Batman!!!" Deadpool yelled. They all sat down on their chair own chair (though Headpool had to be placed in the middle of the table), seeing the destruction they caused. "So what's going on?" Lady Deadpool asked. "Yeah!" Headpool agreed "Where have you been all this time!?" "And what's been happening around here." Kidpool added. "*There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you*." Dogpool barked. "Now that's racist!" Deadpool pointed at Dogpool. "As for the rest of you, well, it's a long tale, and I'm certain the prince of this land is coming here real soon, so I might as well tell everything through one thing: Interpretative Dancing!!!" Deadpool pulled out the boombox, pressed the play button, and began to do his dancing with a familiar remix of a Nintendo license. Everything was explained through this dancing, which if I were tell you this, it'd take about a week longer than usual to make it. The door crashed and the prince of the yaks entered. "Who dares to hurt yak civilians!!!" He yelled, but paused as the place was surrounded with bombs and the Deadpool corpse threw the final yak out of a window. "Sorry your majesty," Deadpool spoke "but next time, be SPECIFIC with your stuff and not make it as vague as f**k! Deadpool Corpse, AWAY!!!" The Deadpool corps landed back into Ponyville, where Twilight & her friends saw them land. "What the-!?" Dash yelled "Deadpool!?" "That's right!" Deadpool replied "Along with my family!" "FAMILY!?!?!?" Eveypony yelled. Everyone got up (minus headpool) and posed. "Family, meet the mane 6! Mane 6, meet my-" "PONIES!!!" the Deadpool corpse yelled, all but Headpool running ahead and grabbing onto a pony and snuggling with them. Though said ponies struggled to free themselves, they gave up and, soon enough, enjoyed the snuggle. "Well... now the new adventures have begun." COMING SOON: DEADPOOL AND FAMILY IN EQUESTRIA!!! Pitch Perfect: Ponies # 123, 124, and 125: Toe Tapper, Torch Song, and ZipporwhillIt was a bright day in Ponyville, as Celestia's sun rose again over Ponyville. In a house, trash was around as inside, the Deadpool corps was doing something for one of their own members. After many hours of work (though just one), and placing Headpool in a jar of liquid to stop his face from decomposing even faster, it was finished: a robot body for Headpool! "We did it!" Deadpool cheered "And all we had to do was collect a certain robot's body!" Kidpool cheered. "If only I could kiss you!" Lady Deadpool added. "Well you can bite my shiny metal ass!" Headpool replied, turning and pointing at his butt. Everyone laughed at the joke, except for Dogpool, since he's a stupid mutt. That's racist. Anyways, the door rang. "I'll get it!" Headpool announced. He ran to the door and answered it, only to be meet face-to-face with Fluttershy and Discord. The pegasus screamed and ran away, dropping some papers on the floor. Deadpool pushed headpool out of the way. "Discord!" Deadpool yelled "What up, Dog!?" "Who was that!?" Discord asked "Him? He's me from another dimension!" "...I see." "So what are you here for?" "Oh, yes. Fluttershy and I wanted to know if you'd like to join the Ponytones." "You're with the Ponytones?" "Of course not! I'm just there for Fluttershy's support. Lovely singing voice, though not so much about the group." "Not a team player?" "Of course not! Just not comfortable around them is all. Kinda want to crash their performance tonight." "They're performing!?" "For the annual animal charity event tonight." Silence was heard, but both Discord and Deadpool snickered to themselves in an evil way. "Guys night out?" "You have other guys?" "Oh yeah!" Everypony attended the animal charity, as some ponies found a pet that suited them, but a majority of them were at the stage where Big Mac, Rarity, Toe Tapper (the other stallion), Tort Song (the other mare), and now, the newest member, Fluttershy, stood and performed their famous song "Find the Music in you". Truth be told, Fluttershy was the most frightened one out of the group, and was panicking inside, but knew that the Ponytones, along with their leader & friend, Rarity, were with her. Discord, Headpool, Kidpool, Dogpool, and Discord all stood in a corner and- HOLY S**T!!! IS THAT JOHN DE LANCIE!?!?!? "Almost!" Deadpool replied "It's Discord AS Lancie himself! You can tell by the eyes." Oh... that's... a bit disturbing. But... I digress. The five man (well, four man plus a dog) squad peeked over a hill, seeing the group perform for the crowd below. "You guys remember the plan?" "We do." Everyone replied with a huff. "Come on! Have some spirit in you!" "My spirit wants to devour everyone's flesh." Headpool commented. "Not like that." "Looks like they're finished!" Kidpool announced. "Excellent work, mini-me!" "Don't remind me on how we meet each other for the first time!" "Just be glad Cable had that HUGE mole on his face." How did we meet our midget self on a space ship again? That wasn't Kidpool, but it was Justin Beiber when he was a baby. We had our ass kicked by a gay pop singer baby woman thing!?!?!? Not really. We were just drunk after watching the Phantom Menace. "Enough prequels!" Deadpool announced "Time to bring in something that's better and not as gay as Glee!!!" The crowd of ponies cheered for the group of ponies on stage. This put on a tear from Fluttershy's face, as she sorta conquered her fear, and the group had flowers thrown at them. The spotlight moved over them almost on their own, pointing at an area in the crowd. The ponies moved out of the way, gasping at the group that had Human-Cord-Lanci, Deadpool, Kidpool, Dogpool, and Headpool in a jar of liquid with a robot body, all wearing matching dark red jackets & black pants. "Pitch Perfect time!!!" Deadpool yelled. Microphones all appeared in their hands and they began to do An Capella of 'Please don't stop the music'. As they performed, they got closer to the stage while flipping in the air, cart wheeling, and super crazy break dance moves. All of the ponies in the crowd jammed out to the song, and even sang the 'Please don't stop the music' part. When they ended, not only did they make it to the stage, but the crowd cheered for the group. "What are you doing here!?" Rarity growled at them. "Just performing something that's 20% cooler!" Deadpool replied "Well we can perform much better!" Everyone turned to see Lady Deadpool with Pinkie Pie, Fluffle Puff, Pinkie Pie, and Sonata all standing together wearing blue dresses. "How come you didn't invite us!?" Pinkie pleaded. "It's called a 'guys night out' for a reason." Kidpool replied. "Well we're going to crash your crash!" Sonata replied. "Hit us with your best shot!" Discord shouted. All the ladies looked at each other and nodded to each other; following Lady Deadpool's lead, they all began to an a Capella of 'The Sign', 'Eternal Flame', and 'Turn The Beat Around'. When they finished their song, the crowd cheered as they got onto the stage! "SUCK IT!!!" Lady Deadpool mocked. "I ain't sucking anything!" Deadpool replied, walking and leaning over Lady Deadpool. "The only that will be sucking is you and your lady friends!" "Are you making this a battle of the sexes?" "What if I am?" Both sides stared at each other with fire in their eyes while the Ponytones awkwardly stood in the middle. "Are they gonna fight?" A small voice squeaked. Everyone turned to see a small, light yellow pegasus filly with an amber mane and adorable glasses. All 4/5 of the pools spoke together. "HNNNG!!!" All but Headpool fell to the floor. Headpool just looked at all of them. "I may not have a heart," he said "but, oh well. HNNNG!!!" He fell with the other pools as everypony on stage looked at them with curiosity. "To... cute!" Deadpool yelled "Wanna... cuddle!" Lady Deadpool added "Need... to... snuggle!" Kidpool added. "*Kids don't remember what you try to teach them. They remember what you are.*" Dogpool barked. "I just wanna fit in with the crowd." Headpool truthfully spoke. The small filly flapped her wings and flew over to Deadpool, where she gently tapped his head. "Are you alright, sir?" she asked. "Quit being so cute!!!" Deadpool pleaded. "There's only one thing we can do!" Kidpool yelled. "You don't mean it!" Lady Deadpool added. "The secret?" Headpool asked. Kidpool nodded. Everyone jumped up together. "SECRET!" They all yelled, followed by the following: Doobydoobydabbadoobydabadooda bedigabibblebede, It's a secret! Rah papachibuhbabababachibuh Rah-papachibuh-BLRRRR, BLRRRR! Doobibabajibudabarijbuhrbj darupabiscjjjPAH-PAHhbebebrrpde ehbehjejgbbsgebejebeberp-rp-ptchh! It's a secret! DoobadoobadabaPA!dajabba, rmmbujischa-DOODELIDOO! aRAH-PAH-PAAHbaDAbadaJI-BA, barrabapbapduudilyFRYHA! Derabapadiddlybumdapapa, behdedejebellehbuddlepah, A D-bd-bPFFTderibbitjPFTBadi-di-ding-dang-dong! RRRAPADOOPPPADEE! RRAPADOOPAPAAH! ZAPADOOBLEJZINGJGXUBREPPEDEPEEUH! XINGBANGDJUBJEIGEDEPAMPAM, DJABAPEUDELEBREEHHH- (Rapadapadapa) -Bbrrum DJIGIT bbradumbadum TCHHT Bbrrum DJING badungbadunggadunggadung buckabuckadika diudndiDIkaDIDI PRRRP! - It's a secret! Brum A-a ha HA HA HA! A-a a a aaah! Brum, eh... pfft, pff pffrpt- eh eh unk eh OHR! Bunchikachrkabadungdadungachickachicka bungchikarghbunchikakaKAARchickabungctskk...ooh-ah!...O!...o-o-O, O! o o o o-o-O! O-o o o O! UOOO O O O O UOO! -UR BOHBADOHBABURGH! Bubaruhbohboh ruhbaduhRUH! JDRARARARARARUHRUHRUHRUUUHHRururururuhRUH, RUH RUH RUH RUHRUUHH Buhruhruhruhbehahahaaah!houh! pop, pop pop, pop pop pop pop pop ,pop pop ,pop pop pop pop !pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop , pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop ! Skabadoobadoh? - SKOOBIDOOBIDADOO! Babaladapdob? - Skabalabalaba! . Babadiba? - Babadoobie! Yabadabadada. - SKABADANGDANGDIDEE~!! Skoobidoobedih? - Skoobedoobeda! Abadabadiba? Skabadoobie-Arr(begrudging sigh)... BUCKAW BUCKA-BUCKA! - Now you're talking! :D BUCK BUCK BUCKaw? BUCKA-BAAW!!! BU-BUCKA-BAW BUCKA-BAW BUCKA-BAW BUCKA-BERK BUCKA-BAR BUCKA-BAW BUCKA-BERK BURKAH-BERK BERKA-BUCKEH BUCKA-BEKEH BUCKA-BURKEH BUCK-BUCKA BIKIBIKI, BUCK-BUCKA BIKIBIKI, BUCK-BUCKA BIKIBIKI, BUCK-BUCKA BIKIBIKI, BUCK-BUCKA BIKIBIKI, BUCK-BUCKA BIKIBIKI, Buck HEY! buck HEY! buckabickibickeh! Dungdagadigadigadung-deh! BadadungbadadungbadaDUNGDRANGBRANGBRANG Dangdagadangdagadangdang, da BRLRLRLR BRRBRLRRLLR BBBRLRLRLRLR BRLRLRLLR-(BUUUH!) Dungagadagadagadung-deh! DaDUNG(BUUUH!)dadadungdada-BRRLRLRL RBBRLRL(BUUUH!) Dungagadagadagadung-deh! DaDUNG(BRUAAAH!)dadadungIT'S A SECRET!!! BRRRRUUHR! (Boh-bah-boh-ba-jab-jajah..) The crowd stared at them, unsure of what to make of the sudden videogame reference. "Think we should do it again?" Headpool asked "Nah!" Deadpool replied "Let's finish this night with a song about blowjobs!" "I'll get the whistles." Kidpool said "Not that song! the one used in Pitch Perfect!" "...OH!!!" "And unlike the other songs, We're going to have the lyrics!" "But how are we going to do that?" Lady Deadpool asked "Red for men, Pink for the ladies." "...Sounds fair enough." "Ponytones! Together!" "♫You spin my head right round, right round, When you go down, when you go down down♫ "♫You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down♫ "♫Hey, walk out that house with my swagger Hop in there with dough, I got places to go! People to see, time is precious I looked at my Cartier, out of control. Just like my mind where I'm goin'; No women, no shorties, no nothin' my clothes No stoppin' now, my Pirellis on froze. I like my jewelry that's always on cold. I know the storm is comin' My pockets keep tellin' me it's gonna shower. Call up my homies, it's on Then popin tonight cause it's meant to be ours. We keep a fade-away shot 'Cause we ballin' this Platinum Patron every hour. Lil mama, I owe you just like the flowers. Girl you the truth with all that goodie power. You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down.♫" ♫You spin my head right round, right round. When you go down, when you go down down♫ "♫From the top of the pole I watch her go down She got me throwin' my money around Ain't nothin' more beautiful to be found. It's goin' down down. From the top of the pole I watch her go down She got me throwin' my money around Ain't nothin' more beautiful to be found It's goin' down down Shorty must know I'm the man My money love her like a number one fan Don't open my mouth, let her talk to my fans My Benjamin Franklins. A couple of grands, I got rubber bands My paper planes makin' her dance Get dirty on like the spot on my hand We buildin' castles that's made out of sand. She's amazin', fire blazin'. Hotter than Cajun, girl won't you move a lil' closer? Time to get paid, it's maximum wage That body belong on a poster. I'm in a daze, that body is wavin' at me Like, "Damn it, I told ya". You wanna show like a gun out of holster; Tell me whatever and I'll be your chauffeur. You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down.♫" "♫You spin my head right round, right round. When you go down, when you go down down♫" "♫From the top of the pole I watch her go down She got me throwin' my money around Ain't nothin' more beautiful to be found It's goin' down down From the top of the pole I watch her go down She got me throwin' my money around Ain't nothin' more beautiful to be found It's goin' down down I'm spendin' my money, I'm out of control. Somebody help me she takin' my bank roll. But I'm king of the club and I'm wearin' the crown, Poppin' these bottles, touchin' these models, Watchin' they asses go down down ... You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down.♫" ♫You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down♫ ♫You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down♫ ♫You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down♫ Now THAT'S Sexist! Author's Note Saw the Ponies: the Anthology V, and wanted to use this, though no Celestia. And yes, that song is about blowjobs. Just look at #3 on this video, How long has it been?Get back to work! What the-!? Who are you!? I'm Deadpool #2, mother f***er! I was genetically cloned from one of Deadpool's hair strands and I've been sent to make sure you'd work! ...But Deadpool's bald! Where'd he get hair? Where do you think? ...Oh dear mercy! Don't touch me!!! Get to work then! Yes sir! Right away, sir!!! "Like the gift I gave you?" Deadpool asked Shut up! I was busy, okay? "Oh yeah, with another Tats inspired story, hm... Planet Exrpess's Package Pony?" Yes, now please, let me work on this chapter, okay? I don't want your clone to sleep on my bed AT ALL!!! "Just continue with this fanfic that you hope will be featured again." Ugh... we continue with Deadpool as he made his way back home and... hold on... where's your other Pools?" "Them? I sent them home during your hiatus! Who knew their DNA samples would be great at making Deadpool #2!" Wait... so Deadpool #2 isn't- "I only added that bit in there as a way for him to have all of my memory." ...gross. Well, let's continue: Deadpool entered back in his home where he heard a familiar rocking noise. Do we have a rocking chair? I very much doubt it. "Well let's see who it is! Maybe it's Granny Smith! I've always wanted to meet her!" But you hate old people. "I only hate their stories! Plus, we know what the old people we know have!" Words of wisdom? Hell no! Candy, kisses, and lots of guns! "Like Mr.Togue's Grandma!" Deadpool walked inside his house, readying his pistols that fired kunai knives... for some reason, and slowly opened the door to his living room. He jumped into the room, firing wildly in circles, not even sure what he's firing at, but stopped and took a deep breath, seeing what was a living room filled with holes. Sitting in the middle was- Sharon Gless!? No you idiot, that's our hostage/friend, Blind Al! "Blind Al!" "Oh f**k me!" Blind Al spoke to herself as Deadpool jumped onto her lap and kissed her. "Who's there!?" another voice asked. Oh my Celestia! T.J. Miller!!! No! It's our old friend, Weasel! Weasel came out of the corner wearing only a robe, slippers, and held a cup of coffee. "Deadpool?" Weasel asked "Is that really you?" "Who else has a face that looked liked Freddy Krueger face f***ed the topographical map of Utah!?" "...Aw crap... it is you." "Deapool!?" A woman's voice spoke around the corner. Popping out of the corner was a familiar woman. Deadpool stopped and stared ahead, seeing what was a beautiful siren he had long forgotten. Wait... you forgot about Sonata!? No, I mean as in that the woman is beautiful and it's like she came from the sea. But we're nowhere near the sea! Ugh... forget it, okay? Let's continue!!! "Vanessa?" Deadpool asked "Is that really you?" The woman smiled and came up to him. "Well, let me see if you're the real Deadpool." She replied. She grabbed Deadpool's crotch! "GAAH!!!" Immediately, her body began to change from her look to Wade Wilson's look. "Ooh! I guess you really are Deadpool." "Lady! You could've asked me to take my mask off!!!" "Maybe, but I like things a bit... kinkier." Ma'am... I'm a little turned on now. Kids! Get outta here! "Uh... baby," Deadpool spoke "shouldn't you turn back to you?" "Of course, sugar." Vanessa replied, turning back to herself. She leaped up at him and began furiously make out with him! HOLY S**T!!! Is that even Legal!? How can we describe this!? Don't! Just put on the music! OOH!!! I'll get the camera!!! MEANWHILE!!! Lady Death and Cable sat together in a room, hearing both Deadpool and Vanessa moan as the place shook & objects began to break around them. "How does Deadpool do it?" Cable asked "Do what?" Death asked "How does he get ladies who love him, despite being an idiot?" "Oh Cable, there's more to him than being an idiot. He's just a bit of a bad boy with a tragic past." "I know his past, but what about being a bad boy?" "He just doesn't give a damn on what he does and goes with the flow. True, he's a bit more considerate with these ponies, but he's still going to do crazy stuff and not care who's in his way or not." "Huh... so if I do that, then I'd get ladies?" "Maybe, but how many women are there in the future?" "... not a lot." "And don't you have a responsibility to make sure the future is perfect?" "...I do." "Good. And if you ask me, if you really want to make the future a better place, you have to let Doctor Doom take over the world." "WHAT!?" "It's true; Doctor Doom taking over the world will save the world, though it varies which Doom you're teaming up with." "Who should I avoid?" "The latest one." "...Okay, thanks. Think we should stop them?" "You can." "...But aren't you jealous?" "She's going to die soon and her soul will be delicious, leaving Deadpool and I to be." "...You are messed up." "I'm death, I can do whatever I feel like." "Touche." Fanciness. Ponies # 126- 130 Photo Finish, Sapphire Shores, Hoity Toity, Fashion Plate, and Sassy SaddlesDeadpool walked around Canterlot with music playing behind him, but not singing. That's a relief. But I wanna sing!!! Deadpool was followed by some ponies, most in the fashion area as Deadpool was walking & dancing to I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred Never mind. Whenever the music just played without Singing, Deadpool teleported to the nearest pole and began to dole dance with it, shaking his butt and taking the bits all the mares threw at him. In the shirt part, Deadpool removed a fashionable jacket that would make Barney Stinson from How I Meet your Mother cry, very seductively. In the Milan, Deadpool pointed at a random artist's painting of a ponified Milan, along with New York and Japan. For the Party, he grabbed a small foal & poked at it's belly, followed by using said foal as a rag for his head, tossing the foal back into it's mom's hooves. For the Car, Deadpool pointed at random parked cart, which exploded for no reason! For his Hat, Deadpool took a rich Pony's hat, crushed it, and threw it like a Kung-Lao's hat. For the cat, Deadpool pointed at the Grumpy Cat pony before taking his hat away. When the song finished, Deadpool finished with a Michael Jackson Pose, followed by bits showering on him. We're so rich! Yeah, but we're being crushed to death. What do you- "MY SPINE!!!" Deadpool yelled as he was crushed after piles of bits landed on him. Thanks to his healing factor, Deadpool crawled his way out and busted through the pile of bits. "Yes! The power of my sexiness has prevented death once again!" You mean our healing factor? "Same difference!" "And that was fantastic!" A flamboyant guy's voice spoke. You can just say 'gay'. Look, we don't know if there's any real gay characters in MLP, so we'll just say they're flamboyant for now. Deadpool turned around to see- "AAH!!! GAY RECOLORED PARTY FAVOR WITH GLASSES AND SCARF!!!" Ugh... Deadpool saw Fashion Plate along with- Pony Lady Gaga! That rich man that sounds like Vulturo And Pony Nicki Minaj! "The celebrity gayness is strong in this chapter!" ...Deadpool... please... let me continue. The celebrities surrounded Deadpool, each yelling over each other. "Vith your perfect body," Photo Finish spoke in her German accent "I can make you a star!" "Your Dance moves are SENSATIONAL!!!" Sapphire Shores added. "He clearly has what it means to be fashionable!" Fashion Plate added. "Perhaps you could be the next face of fashion." Hoity Toity spoke. Us? A Model? Oh man! I remember what when we wanted to be a model! It was followed by broken chairs and bones! "Fashion is our passion!" Deadpool yelled. "And I know the right pony!" Deadpool grabbed himself by the back of his suit and threw himself at a window, crashing through it. "What the-!?" Another Mare's voice yelled "Deadpool!?" "G3 Rainbow Dash! I need to look fashionable for the cameras!" "...It's Sassy Saddles, and I'm sorry to say, but you need to make an appointment before-" Deadpool practically squeed as he ran to a Marilyn Monroe dress. "This should do!" "Mr. Pool! I said that you must make an apointment before-" The door slammed open and the four fashionable pones came in! He-he! He typed 'pones'. Well that's another way people type 'ponies' now. Deadpool quickly put on the dress and ran outside, doing his Marilyn Monroe pose. "Fantastic!!!" Fashion Plate announced. "Ooh, you like that?" Deadpool asked in a seductive voice. "Well I have more dresses! Montage time!" Deadpool pulled out his phone and began to play Poker face. In this montage, dress pictures were taken, but also, Deadpool danced with each of the fashion ponies. With Fashion plate, it was disco dancing; Hoity Toity was more of ball dancing; Photo Finish was more of an Egyptian dancing; Sapphire Shores was the dreaded 'twerking'; Sassy Saddles stood with an impatient look as Deadpool did the d**k slang near her face. Like any other music video, there's a weird part of the song that takes the song literal as they played Russian Roulette, Deadpool shooting himself in the face, and like anything else in said music videos, there's something else that has nothing to do with said song, and in this case, it was them all traveling in space. Yeah... no question there... it just happens. Don't believe me, watch music videos! Go ahead, I'm waiting. It's our job to break the 4th wall. Oh, sorry. Well after that... thing... Deadpool's pictures spread like wild fire, especially after their spaceship crashed and caused a wildfire in the everfree forest. Luckily, they didn't have to pay for the damage nor take responsibility because- Yes, thanks Dave Chappelle. But they were drunk & wasted inside one of Canterlot's wince cellars, ponies knocked out, but they all still looked good. Deadpool groggily woke up, pulling out his phone to see what happened last night. Luckily, he took a group selfie, though Sassy Saddles charged at them with documents for a lawsuit. The next picture was them burning the lawsuit with Deadpool peeing on it, the next was Deadpool on fire, more of the forest on fire, an actual Illuminati triangle holding the heads of Gearoge Washington and Abe Lincoln, and the bar with Simon Pegg & Nick Frost. "Is this another cornetto film?" He asked himself, stumbling as he got out. That was some party! We don't even know what the hell happened. "I do remember one thing... a weird dream involving animals and Ke$ha's Die young." Deadpool stumbled and fell face first into a pile of puke. "Five more minutes." Ugh... rich people! Yeah! They think they can do anything! What's next, making an Angry Birds movie!? Sadly, it's true. Author's Note Yes, this is a real movie! Say it with me: Halloween Special Part 1Author's Note This is more or less a trilogy that should be completed before Halloween. I won't be making a lot of chapters because I'm going to college and other fics, but I'll work on this as much as possible. And yes, I watched some Robot Chicken before making this chapter. Also, Mad Max: Fury Road is so much better than Pitch Perfect 2, along with the new Jem being a piece of s**t (I watched the show before with my mom when we had the Hub, but that came on right before Animaniacs, so might as well watch & learn something back then, eh?) Any suggestions before I add the new chapter? (Please, Thriller is in mind, just not now) Halloween Special Part 1 Deadpool looked out of the window in his house, seeing Celestia's sun going down and near Halloween decorations coming up. What's happening? Nightmare night. Ooh! The Halloween special? More or less, yes. But we don't have a costume. "We already have one!" Deadpool spoke. "We've been inside for the last few days, right?" Yeah! Playing Call of Duty. WE DON'T PLAY THAT S**T!!! "Yeah! We played tons of Borderlands 2!!! Kreig... notice me Senpai!" Ahem? "Oh, right. Well... let me take these off." He took off his gloves "And these!" His boots "And this!" His mask "but add this!" He put on a weird mask/blind fold that looked Spikey & not an ugly form of Sonic the Hedgehog. Oh! It's beautiful!!! It's awesome! "Yep! I'm the Guitar Guy from Mad Max: Fury Road! YO!!! Everyone got their costume ready!?" Out of the room, Weird Al came dressed up as zombie, Weasel as a Weasel, Discord as Q, Fluffle Puff repainted to look like a Tribble, Sonata as the original Jem from 'Jem & the Holograms' and not the s**ty movie adaptation. F**K YEAH!!! That's already a piece of s**t!!! ...Can I continue? Ah yes, Pinkie as Amy Rose, and Vanessa as- Gadget from Chip & Dale: Rescue rangers!? Without her jumpsuit!? And... no... pants. ... I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM!!! And... I gotta take a shower!!! And I'm going to use his room!!! WHAT THE-!? "Oh God." Deadpool spoke, leaning down and looking like he was holding in a pee. "You're... you're not wearing pants." "Sorry, Deadpool," Vanessa replied "I couldn't find a jumpsuit, nor any pants, but I know how much you like a... easy access?" Deadpool froze in fear... or... severe hotness that'd make Michael Bay nose bleed. And yes, Deadpool's nose began to bleed. "... I NEED TESTOSTERONE!!!" He ran through the wall of his house, which, for some weird reason, made his outline, but had a third leg in the middle. "I never knew Deadpool had a third leg." Pinkie spoke, oblivious to the adult joke. "Adult joke? I LOVE jokes!!! And don't worry Vanessa, I bring along extra pants, usually as a way to help Lyra feel well." "Ponies wear pants?" Vanessa asked "Yep!" "Where's my guitar?" Weasel asked. Deadpool pulled out Weasel's guitar that he stuck in between his legs. Oh man... I'm back! Oh my god... I feel a bit weird, dirty, and wrong at once. "Did you two-?" Deadpool asked Yep! "...Oh! NASTY!!!" He might've, I continued my reading of Pride & Prejudice. "... Clean up after yourself." Yeah, all that popcorn needs to be cleaned up. "What!?" What were you doing!? Watching Fury Road again! "Oh thank Celestia!" "Why doesn't anypony thank me?" A recognizable voice asked. Deadpool turned, seeing Princess Luna laying on her cloud. "MOONCHEEKS!!!" Deadpool hugged her multiple times with squeaks. Luna grunted to herself and Levitated Deadpool away. "Thank you for noticing me, Deadpool, but I do not wish for any annoyance this Nightmare Night." "Sure! What's the problem, your majesty?" "...I am not feeling it this year." "I can help!" He grabbed Luna's flank and squeezed it. Luna gasped and bucked him in the face. "NOT LIKE THAT!!! I'm already tired of scaring the local ponies here." "Really? How so?" "...Shall I explain your way?" "My way?" "Singing?" "HELL YEAH!!!" Deadpool pulled out a boombox and Jack's Lament played... All American Rejects version. "Damn it." Luna repeated the whole scene flawlessly, though she used her magic to alter the environment. "♫There are few who'd deny, at what I do I am the best, For my talents are renowned far and wide♫" "♫Wide!♫" "♫When it comes to surprises in the moonlit night I excel without ever even trying. With the slightest little effort of my ghostlike charms I have seen stallions give out a shriek! With the wave of my hoof, and a well-placed moan, I have swept the very bravest off their feet! Yet year after year, it's the same routine, and I grow so weary of the sound of screams and I, Luna, the Nightmare Queen, have grown so tired of the same old thing. Oh, somewhere deep inside of these bones, an emptiness began to grow. There's something out there, far from my home a longing that I've never known.♫" "This version's not too bad, actually." "♫I'm a master of fright, and a demon of light, And I'll scare you right out of your pants! To a mare in Ken-hoofy, I'm Miss Unlucky, And I'm known throughout Canterlot and Prance! "♫Merce'!♫" "♫And since I won't be dead, I can take off my head to recite Shakespearean quotations. No pony nor man can scream like I can with the fury of my recitations! But who here would ever understand that the Nightmare Queen with the skeleton grin would tire of her crown, if they only understood? She'd give it all up if she only could.♫" "Here comes the poster shot!" He took his camera out. "♫Oh, there's an empty place in my bones that calls out for something unknown; the fame and praise come year after year does nothing for these empty tears.♫" She turned away from Deadpool "Does thouest see how I feel now?" Deadpool counted his money away. "Oh yeah, baby! Give it all to me!" "You wish for me to give all of my magic to you for the night?" "Oh yeah! This year's the bomb!" "I hope that's a metaphor, but please, use my magic carefully; you don't want anypony hurt this year, do you?" "Nopony's gonna get hurt with me, hottie." "...I see. Well, Deadpool, this will hurt a bit." Deadpool placed his money away. "What you say-AAAAHHHH!!!" Luna fired her horn into Deadpool, making him painfully grow wings from his back & a horn from his head. Luna grunted painfully, as she lost her wings & horn, soon, becoming an average earth Pony mare. "There, my powers are with you for the night. I'm certain that-" Around Deadpool, bones of deceased ponies came from the graves. "... I'm a fool." Luna spoke to herself. Halloween Special Part 2Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Halloween Special Part 3Luna sat on a stump as Deadpool dragged a large, human shaped doll with the face of that one kid from Home Alone. "And it's not Makully Cullin!" Deadpool added "I didn't ask who it was." Luna replied "And what does this have to do with summoning the quote on quote, 'king' of pop?" "Don't you dare insult the one true king of pop. Plus, though we cheer him for his music, this is one of his many vices. I would have a fake nose, but with me having a muzzle now, he'd not come down. Got the Vinyl ready!?" Got it! Stuffy placed a Vinyl recorder next to the doll. "Excellent! Now, what we have to do is hide and wait for him to take the bait." "What will we do if he foolishly falls for this?" "That's where this camera gets in!" Deadpool pulled out a camera. "If there's one thing the king shares with every celebrity, it's the news coming in and interrupting them with something most people do would on a normal basis! Plus, this camera's from TMZ, the most awful thing humanity has to offer!" "...How awful, exactly?" "If you were where I was from, they'd stalk you everywhere you go and ask you annoying as hell questions! Why, even if you go to a bathroom, they'll record you doing it!" "...What is wrong with them!?" "A whole f**k load!" Are we going to do this? "Oh yeah! Hit it!" Stuffy pressed the play button and Smooth Criminal played WHOOPS!!! "THE ORIGINAL!!! NOT ALIEN ANT FARM VERSION!!!" As the music played, the three jumped into a bush and hid. Looking like a very crappy found-footage-movie, Deadpool recorded as the clouds opened above, and descended from Heaven was Michael Jackson himself. Many of the kid angels yelled things like 'Thank God it's over!' to 'Why aren't why my parents here!? I need an Adult!', and yes, M.J. did it, but we're not going to touch on that otherwise this will have to change to Mature. As I was typing, Deadpool recorded as the king of Pop foolishly walked to the doll. "Oh, hello there little boy or girl," he spoke in his voice that made all of us today yell 'Gay!' "Why are you alone in these woods?" Silence. "Oh my! You can't speak? Well, if it makes it all better." He took off his coat. Deadpool jumped out, still recording. "GOTCHA!!!" he yelled. M.J. screamed and put his coat back on. "TMZ here! Michael Jackson; what were you going to do to that doll!?" "It was a doll!? I thought it was a child!" "You sick f**k! Just wait until everyone sees that not are you still alive, but you're a predator!" "No! Don't do that! I'll do anything!" "...Anything?" "Yes, of course small talking horse." Deadpool rose his eyeborws quickly. "We got 'im." Michael Jackson watched in shock as Ponyville was in flames with ponies everywhere causing havoc. "Oh my!" He expressed himself "This is going to be hard." "So go on!" Deadpool replied "Use your magic!" "He doesn't have magic." Luna replied "And even if he did, he'd need the power of-" "OW!!!" Michael Jackson yelled, pulling his crotch. A large blast came from him, starting at his junk area, and went around the town. Everypony caught in it was not only changed back from their costume form, but were turned into humans as well. Not much could be said for the zombies, who, despite now being humans, continued to try to devour the flesh of those not infected. EMBRACE THE PAIN!!! Stuffy sliced another zombie's head off before being succumbed himself, his organs being ripped out as the zombies pulled his organs out. "...Are you sane now?" Luna asked. POOF! Stuffy came back, but was now Vaas from Far Cry 3. Have I ever told you the definition of Insanity? "I guess not." At least he isn't yelling about having bicycles made out of meat. "And for the next part." Michael Jackson spoke to himself, putting on a red leather jacket. "OH S**T!!!" Deadpool yelled, squealing and jumping like a fan girl. "Are you really-!?" Before he could finish, the opening creaking noise of a door opening, the footsteps, wolf howling, and music began to play. "HOLY MOTHER F**KING TROLL S**T!!! HE'S DOING IT!!!" Every zombie stopped what they were doing and turned to where Michael Jackson stood. The zombies shuffled their way to the group, not stopping to devour the flesh of anyone in front or trembling to the sides. It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark. Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes, You're paralyzed The Author's following the music video! And has improved writing lyrics down. You hear the door slam and realize there's nowhere left to run You feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever see the sun You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination But all the while you hear the creature creepin'up behind You're out of time "We gotta help him out!" Deadpool announced How? They're out to get you, there's demons closing in on every side They will possess you unless you change the number on your dial Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together All thru the night I'll save you from the terrors on the screen, I'll make you see "The Thriller's almost here. GET EVERYONE READY!!!" Deadpool and Crazy ran ahead. Soon, the Taco squad, Crazy & Stuffy, Vanessa, and Deadpool assembled right behind Michael Jackson. (if you need to know, Weasel sucks at dancing and Blind Al is old, so dancing like this will hurt her.) Stuffy quickly changed and wore a suit. Ahem... Darkness falls across the land, The midnite hour is close at hand, Creatures crawl in search of blood to terrorize y'awl's neighborhood. And whosoever shall be found Without the soul for getting down Must stand and face the hounds of hell, And rot inside a corpse's shell. "That's a great Vincent Price Impersonation!" Deadpool congratulated Thank you, I had practice. Nearly all the zombie are here! "Relax," Vanessa spoke "this is going to go down in history for FimFiction.Net." WHAT THE-!? She took my 4th wall powers. The foulest stench is in the air, The funk of forty thousand years, And grizzly ghouls from every tomb Are closing in to seal your doom. And though you fight to stay alive, Your body starts to shiver. For no mere mortal can resist The evil of the thriller. Everyone else, including Luna stepped back and watched the group of zombies, hip hop artist, and group of maniacs... know what... just skip to the 45 second mark & stop at the 2:52 Enjoy! Before Deadpool and the squad pulled out their weapons, a red blur came out and sliced every zombie's head off! M-m-m-m-monster kill!!! "Hey!" Deadpool yelled "Those were our kills!!!" "Quit being a pussy." a voice replied. "WHAT THE-!? No censorship there!? Who the f**k do you think you are!?" "The guy who isn't a bitch and above you!" Deapool looked up to see a man in a red suit and large, matching hat. "Why are you dressed up as Carmen San Diego?" "Why are you dressed up as Spider-Man?" "I'm not that whinny teenage b***h! I'm Dead-Mother F***ing-Pool!" "Oh! that sounds like the name some 10 year old on Call of Duty would name themselves!" ROASTED!!! Who are you!? "The name's Alucard! And I'm-" "The unoriginal name of Dracula's son!" Deadpool roasted back. "... Oh you cheeky little fucker!" He jumped down and landed in front of Deadpool. "Do you know what I'm capable of?" "I don't know, but do you know what I'M capable of!?" Alucard grabbed him by his throat and lifted him. "Screaming like a little bitch! That's what!" He lunged forward and took a bite out of Deadpool's neck. Deadpool laughed. "Stop that! That tickles!!!" Alucard dropped him. "The fuck!? What the hell is wrong with you!?" His answer came as Deadpool quickly healed in front of him. "Surprise Mutha F***a!" Alucard stared, but smiled. "Well, this should be interesting." "Oh yeah! GARLIC BREAD!!!" Deadpool pulled out a roll of garlic bread and threw it Alucard's face. It hit his face, but fell to the floor. "...Are you retarded?" "Oh... I... aren't you a vampire?" "Yes, but I don't go bleh-bleh-bleh." Deadpool pulled out his Uzis. "Then this should do the trick!" Alucard pulled out twin pistols. "DRAW!!!" GET DOWN!!! Everyone fell to the floor as both Deadpool and Alucard fired at each other, both losing flesh but healing at the same time, though not so much for the homes around them. Both of their guns clicked as they ran out of ammo. Deadpool clicked his gun again and made a beat out of it. "Stop that!" Alucard yelled "Guns aren't going to do this!" "You're right," Deadpool replied, pulling swords out "but these sharp sticks will do the trick!" Alucard took his gloves off and prepared his claws. "Let's do this!!!" "KATANA RAMA!!!" Both the Merc and the vampire lunged at each other, their weapons clashing with each other and looked very much like what you expected in any crazy as hell Anime fight, but with more of a comedic twist as they landed inside Alucard's jet and flew around, though inside, they made themselves a 'what-is-love?' gif with Alucard's assistant as the third man, crashing and burning a forest down, their shadows fighting only for the two to sit down and drink some tea together, and ending with both of them falling into a Bunker where, as you can guess it- "Hydra!?" Deadpool yelled "Again!?" "What the hell is Hydra!?" Alucard asked "Look out!" A hydra soldier yelled in a German accent "Ze Deadpool and Carmen San Diego are here! Schnell!!!" "...Are they Nazis?" "Give or take a few things." Deadpool answered. "...You want to see who's better by killing the most?" "Challenge accepted!!!" Both Deadpool and Alucard charged at the Hydra soldiers, killing them in the most violent ways you can think of as Andrew W. K's 'Party Party Party' played! The two exited the way they came in, the base exploding because- "Because f**k you! That's why!" Deadpool yelled "That's my joke!" Alucard replied "Besides, I killed at 178 of those bastards! You?" "179!" "Bullshit!" "I can make you my 180 if you want!" "In your dreams! I can't die!" "Oh yeah! Twilight!!!" He held up a DVD case of the Twilight Saga movies & books. Alucard hissed at it and destroyed the s**t easily "Don't you dare hold up that shit again!" "Hm, not dead yet, eh? Fine then!" He held up an apple. "Oh, what are you going to do now? Summon a shinigami?" "As much as I would love to summon Ryuk, this will kill you and admit me as the victor. She should be coming in... now!" A hiss was heard, followed by some flapping and some trees rustling. Out from the sky came the one and only, flutterbat! Alucard stared as Flutterbat took the apple away and sucked it's juices out. "What... the... fuck?" he asked. Deadpool picked up Flutterbat. "Meet Flutterbat!" Deadpool answered the calm & not struggling Batpony. "She's more or less an adorable pony mixed with a Vampire fruit bat! She may not suck blood, but she sure is cute! Keep her!" "What!?" Deadpool gave Alucard Flutterbat. He held onto the batpony, looking at it's angered face, but couldn't take it serious due to it's cuteness. "You are... by far... the most CUTEST FUCKING THING EVER!!!" He hugged Flutterbat, making her squeak. "And she squeaks!? She going to be the best assistant ever!!! See ya dick wad! I gotta watch some Netflix on my new 70 inch Flatscreen Plasma T.V!" "Hey! This d**k wad has an 80 inch plasma screen T.V. ... With Netflix!" Alucard froze and turned around. "You... you have a bigger T.V.?" "Oh yeah!" "With Netflix?" "Mm-hm." "And... what sound does it have?" "Surround sound!" "... Oh man, I... I guess I should apologize and... well... I guess you are... better than me." "Really?" "Don't push it!" "...Eh, it'll do! This'll be the best Netflix and chill night ever!!!" Everyone sat down and watched Deadliest Warrior, fluttershy staring at Flutterbat. "So..." Twilight spoke "When do we turn back into ponies?" "Allow me little girl." Michael Jackson spoke. He grabbed his crotch again "OOH!!!" Another blast and everyone turned back to normal. "My work here is done." The ray of light from heaven came and he was taken up again. The children above screamed. "He's coming back!" An angel yelled "HIDE!!!" "Wait!" Deadpool yelled "What about-" The song 'Leave me alone' played as Michael Jackson gave him both middle fingers, both zapping a laser into his eyes and causing his head to explode! M.J. went back and Deadpool's head regrew. "Aw, I wanted to know where his skeleton was so we could repeat the dancing skeleton scene from 'ghosts'. "...makes as much sense as Moonwalker." Alucard commented, rustling Flutterbat's mane. "you're such a cutie!" What are we going to do for Thanksgiving now!? ...I guess... oh... I see what's going to happen. Deadpool put on a pilgrim outfit. "We're gonna hunt ourselves a turkey!" he spoke "Scootaloo, I'm giving you a ten minute head start!" "What!?" The filly yelled "Yeah! Just run and-" He fell face first, snoring. "...Looks like Somepony stayed up past their bed time." Applejack commented. "Find... food... for... natives." "Well so long fuck wads!!!" Alucard took the T.V., Flutterbat, and ran away "WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP!!!" The Real B***h! Pony #132The Real B***h! Pony #132 "Alright crusaders!" Applebloom announced "Now that we have our cutie marks, what do we call ourselves now?" "What do you mean?" Scootaloo asked "We have our cutie marks, we crusaded for them, and we have 'em, so what do we call ourselves?" "...The crusaders?" Sweetie Belle suggested. "The... cutie markers?" Scootaloo added "Not Big Bag Beetleborgs!" Deadpool's voice yelled. Deadpool jumped & crashed through the window, laughing like Delirious. "Oh great." Scootaloo commented to herself "You again?" Deadpool tackled all of them and held them in a group hug. "You finally got your cutie marks!!! I am so proud of you three!!!" Manly tears fell from his face. "Are you... crying?" Sweetie Belle asked "Of course I'm crying!!! Real men express their emotions than hide it from their friends and family! And you three... you're just so adorable!" He hugged them tighter, making them squeak. Hehehehehe, squeaking. I just hope he can control himself around Shining Armor and Cadence's foal. Deadpool dropped the crusaders. "Holy s**t!" He yelled to himself "I gotta congratulate them!" He ran through the door, breaking it with his silhouette formed in the woods like a cartoon character. "Blame Obama!!!" All the ponies in town scooted aside and watched in awkward silence as Deadpool rode on a small train with no track under it and seemed to bounce as it moved. Deadpool wore a conductor outfit while holding a sign reading 'hype train' and had a boombox laid in the train's caboose, playing the theme song for Thomas the Tank Engine with a twist. His song ended, and the train stopped. "Ugh!" Deadpool grunted "How long until we get to the crystal Empire!?" With the rate you've been going, I'd say at least... another 5 days, at best. That's TOO long!!! "We're taking the next train over there!" Deadpool got up and kicked the small train. Michael Bay. "YOU SUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!" Deal with it. Deadpool then landed on the swing set of the swing set, making him roll on the floor and slammed into the school's building. "...Ow! This is why I do things my own way." Oh shut up! The school door opened and out came a sad Diamond Tiara, followed by her mother, Spoiled Rich. "What is that crying about!?" Spoiled rich snapped at her daughter. "You are not to cry like that! You are grounded and that's final!" "But mom!" Diamond whined "I just want to go with the crusaders's clubhouse and offer them their own cutesinera." "HOME!!! NOW!!!" Diamond cried and ran away. Deadpool, during this time, peeked around a corner and watched. Wow. What a f***ing b***h. She is, and that's saying a lot. "Didn't we watch that episode?" Deadpool asked himself We did, and we know Diamond wasn't the real bully, but her mom. Sorta like Butters with his Grandma! "Oh Hamburgers!" Deadpool pulled out- WHOAH!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?!? "I'm gonna off this b***h with my Sniper! This will be the headlines for MLG for years to come! Now hold still!" That is... kinda dark. We can't kill her! Wait! Are... you with me on this? Yeah! We've got to make her suffer! A light bulb appeared above Deadpool's head, followed by him laughing evilly. "Let's get the mask." The next morning, at the Rich's home, the door knocked and Spoiled Rich answered. Some canterlot guards stood there. "Spoiled Rich?" One of the guards asked. She swallowed and sweated. "Y-Yes?" she replied "Come with us. Your life may be in danger." "Danger!? By who?" One of the guards handed her note. Wassup Mofo's? Just to tell you, I'm thinking of doing something fun with Spoiled Rich, one that may be a risk to her health but not mine, since I'm indestructable! Anyways, I don't to catch her off guard, since that wouldn't be funny enough, and I want to see if you guys can stop me before I catch her and perform the Goodbye horses dance scene from The silence of the lambs. Hope to fight you guys soon and hold a pony hostage, Me! Deadpool! P.S. Avoid the ground and water, as I can't fly at all and the pegasi buck me off every time I try to ride them. "Follow us," the guard spoke "We know a way to get away from him!" the guards lead Spoiled rich away from her house "Why would Deadpool want me!?" she asked "We're trying to find out as well, but from what we can tell, he may be bored." "Just that!?" "He's really strange that way." They entered one of the flying boats and began to fly away. "We'll be heading to Saddle Arabia soon," another guard added "if we're lucky, he may not go that far." "I'm not so sure about that," another guard replied "He's one of the most random and powerful things here! I saw him decapitate Tirek after toying with him, rubbing off what would kill anypony else!" "You're not helping!" Spoiled Rich yelled "Oh, I just want to get out of here and live!" "But what about your husband and daughter?" A British sounding but obstructed voice asked. Turning around, there were three humans, all of which wore sacks over their head and had their arms tied to their backs. "... Who's that?" A guard asked "And how did they get here?" Another asked "It doesn't matter! Who spoke!?" "Me!" the middle sack faced human replied. "Who are you?" "It doesn't matter who we are, what matters is my plan." The guard, looking questionably, walked to the middle and took the sack off. Some of the guards gasped as it was Deadpool, wearing the Dark Knight's bane mask over his mask. "No one cared who I was until I put on the mask... and had cancer... along with my epicness... aw s**t, I needed a lot of things to get recognized, now that I think about it." Just like how we had to- Don't. Ever. Repeat. THAT!!! "If we pull that off," another guard spoke "will you die?" "Hell nah!!! I got this from Hot Topic!" "You're very strange." "For ♫YOU!!!~♫." The two other stood up with Deadpool and did their best to do the annoying as hell dance to that 'Crank That' song from the longs past welcomed 'Soulja Boy'. As the ponies inside were distracted, outside and right above, a plane flew above them, as inside, piloting was Weasel, and preparing to jump out of the plane were the Lightspeed Rescue Rangers. Inside the flying boat, all the guards and Spoiled Rich stared blankly. "Was... being here part of your plan?" she asked "It came from Christopher Nolan." Deadpool answered "Well why are are you after me!? Is there some sort of reason?" "Of course! I wanted to kick your daughter like a football, turns out you're responsible for her actions, and I need to punish you." "How!? You're tied up! What's the next step of your 'plan'!?" The Power Rangers jumped out of the plane and grabbed onto the side of the flying boat. The ones in the very back hooked the boat to the plane while the others in the front & middle prepared their weapons. "Crashing this boat." The Power Rangers popped the balloon, making everypony fall to the front as the windows crashed and the power rangers fired at the guards. Rather than turning to ash or dying, they were instead teleported back to Canterlot, right in front of Luna as she was playing Star Wars Battlefront, only to die and lose. "DEADPOOL!!!" Deadpool laughed to himself, snapped the handcuffs he made, and grabbed Spoiled Rich from her tail. She screamed and tried to kick herself free. The back of the boat exploded, leading more air to enter. The Rangers entered and Strapped Deadpool in to some of the wires. "Alright Rangers," Deadpool announced past the loud, blowing wind. "go back and wait for another season or something." They teleported away, leaving him and Spoiled Rich alone. She continued to squirm herself free. "Calm down, Missy! Now's not the time for fear; that comes later." He pulled a trigger out and pulled it. A loud bang was heard as the boat fell to the Everfree Forest below, missing them. She screamed even louder. "What do you want!?" she screamed! "I'll do anything! ANYTHING!!! I got a lot of bits! You like money, right!?" "I do, but this is more for you than for me." "WHAT!? WHAT IS IT!?!?!? I'LL DO IT!!!" After some negotiations, Diamond Tiara was not grounded anymore and was able to help the CMC throw their own cutesinera. Sitting to the side, shivering like a leaf, was Spoiled Rich, who was drinking some warm tea. Deadpool teleported next to her and sat down. "That wasn't so hard, was it?" He asked. She stared into the open, not even saying anything but chattering her teeth out of fear. I think we pushed it too far. Hey, it was awesome though! Deadpool quickly took a selfie with her. The radio turned to the song 'Goodbye horses'. "That's our cue!" Deadpool got up and performed the dance that's now associated with it thanks to Buffalo Bill from the Silence of the Lambs and Jay from Jay & Silent Bob, though, since there were kids around, Deadpool kept his costume on and only put on a trench coat as a way to seduce all you ladies out there. "Damn straight!" LANGUAGE!!! "You ain't no Captain America!!!" "This is great, ya'll!" Applebloom yelled "Ah can't until Hearts Warming Eve!" Deadpool froze and stared into the distance. "...Christmas." he growled. Uh oh! It's that time again! We better do a Thanksgiving special first before celebrating that fat man! Let's rock. Ponies 133-136: Limestone, Marble, Igneous Rock, and Cloudy Quarts PieIt was the peak of dawn at the Pie rock family's home. Everywhere as one can see, there were rock everywhere, and it doesn't help that even the house inside has rocks around it. The ponies inside and waking up was a light gray coated mare with a darker mane that had the same look of Fluttershy's shyness, a dark purple mare with a dark gray mane that always looked angry, a light brown stallion that wore an Amish looking hat & bow-tie, a light gray mare with a gray-blue bun mane & wore glasses, and Maud. No need to tell what she looks like, it's Maud. Oh and the Thing's there too, but he's still sad that his movie bombed in the box office and no one but Maud like him with the fact that his 'family' is dead. Hey, at least you got likes on your trailer when they were shown, and people were cautiously optimistic unlike Jem. That movie was AWFUL!!! You saw it? Don't need to. I can see EVERYTHING a mile away. Eh, true. The statistics agree on how much it sucked and how it's not going to get a sequel where they finally introduce the Misfits. GUYS!!! Spoilers!!! It's not like anyone's gonna watch that! Yeah, and it's going to be difficult to watch it as very few theaters are playing it. Okay, fine. May I continue? ... Good. The family here was the Pie family, and they woke up to harvest the rocks like they do in their life. Except... Oh good lord. "WHO MESSED WITH HOLDERS BOULDER!?!?!?" The angry pie yelled. On the large, egg shaped boulder was the... oh Jesus, you REALLY had to use Ant-Man's arch rival!? "Like it?" Deadpool asked, standing next to them, "it's my favorite artwork to the most stupidest villain I had to fight and work with, Egghead!" "YOU!!! YOU'RE SO DEAD!!!" Deadpool booped her. "And you're so angry!" He carried Maud in his arms, twirling her. "Oh Maud! How's it been!? Is Ben Grimm fine?" "Hello Deadpool." Maud replied in her usual, neutral voice "I've told my family about you. And the Thing is fine. He'll learn to love me." He rustled her mane. "That's good to hear!" "Thouest is Deadpool!?" the stallion asked in surprise. "My daughter hast teacheth us how thouest is... strange." "Of course!" He now wore a wig that looked like Princess Luna's mane "But please, thouset can call we whatever they want as long as it doesn't hurteth thy feelings." "Alooweth us to introduceth ourselves. I am-" Deadpool pointed at each of the family members. "Igneous Rock pie!" He looked shock "Cloudy Quartz pie!" Also shocked "Marble Pie!" She blushed and hid behind her mane. "And Limestone pie!" She growled and slapped his finger away. "How the hay do you know us!?" She asked "It is thy ability known as 'Breaketh thy 4th wall', sweeteth Grumpy pants." "Don't you dare call me grumpy pants again!" "Not even for the friend of Pinkamena Diane Pie?" "Not even from a friend of my sister!" The two stared at each other. "You're no fun." He teleported away and reappeared with Marble in his arms. "Oh! But you're going to be the time of my life! Look at how adorable you are!" She was freaked out. Marble did everything to get away from Deadpool's tight hug, but to no effect as the only thing she was able to do was whimper. "Fluttershy 2.0, you my best friend." She froze as Deadpool snuggled with her as somewhat fitting music played in the background. Anything for the parents? ... Amish paradise? "Truly, you do admit you're strange," Cloudy Quartz spoke "and you do seem friendly, but we're going to have to ask you to leave." "Unless thouest can prove thyself they know they ways." Igneous rock. "So get out!!!" Limestone snapped. Deadpool stared, but smirked. He disappeared, but reappeared, wearing Amish clothing (complete with a fake beard) as music played. He then proceeded to do the song's music video with the help of his Taco squad and partners (all also wearing Amish outfits complete with beards). Deadpool's squad and allies stood together, churning butter while trying to look sexy at it, making the entire pie family stare with their mouths open (minus Maud), almost as if they were experiencing Pinkie Pie's party again... though Pinkie is with Deadpool, both churning the same butter and- Oh god! That's just wrong! "♫As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain! But that's just perfect for an Amish like me; You know, I shun fancy things like electricity. At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows; Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone! I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin.. But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699!♫" "♫We been spending most our lives Living in an Amish paradise. I've churned butter once or twice Living in an Amish paradise. It's hard work and sacrifice Living in an Amish paradise. We sell quilts at discount price Living in an Amish paradise.♫" "♫A local boy kicked me in the butt last week I just smiled at him and turned the other cheek; I really don't care, in fact I wish him well 'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell! But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it An Amish with a 'tude? You know that's unheard of I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat And my homies agree, I really look good in black...fool. If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years! But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare We're just technologically impaired.♫" "♫There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar, Not a single luxury. Like Robinson Crusoe, It's as primitive as can be.♫" "♫We been spending most our lives Living in an Amish paradise. We're just plain and simple guys Living in an Amish paradise. There's no time for sin and vice Living in an Amish paradise. We don't fight, we all play nice Living in an Amish paradise.♫" "♫Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise another! Think you're really righteous? Think you're pure in heart? Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art! I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife! So don't be vain and don't be whiny Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie!!!♫" "♫We been spending most our lives Living in an Amish paradise We're all crazy Mennonites Living in an Amish paradise There's no cops or traffic lights Living in an Amish paradise But you'd probably think it bites Living in an Amish paradise.♫" The Pie family (with the exception of Maud) stood with wide mouths open as Deadpool and his peers had made a complete replica of their rock farm. "Oh my." Igneous Rock simply commented. "Like a baws!!!" Deadpool commented. The pies stared, then fell over with goat sounds like Fluttershy did in Dragonshy. Pinkie and Maud walked over to their family. "Oops!" Pinkie spoke "We overdid it, din't we?" "You did." Maud commented, picking up their family. "Come on. We know the routine." Deadpool took Marble away. "Just five more minutes!" He whined as he cuddled the petrified pony. Pinkie walked over and tried to take her sister back. Deadpool pulled Marble back to him. The two began a tug-of-war with each other. "Come on, Deadpool!" Pinkie grunted "You have to let go!" "Never! She's my snuggly cuddly pony!!!" "I can be your snuggle cuddly pony." Vanessa spoke. "You're my Snuggly cuddly human! With boobs! And a woman!" You're making us sound gay. What's wrong with being gay!? "Shut up!!!" Maud went to Deadpool and tapped his leg. A single tap caused his leg to rupture and explode for some reason. He released Marble, much to his pain, and fell on his back. "Ahh! My Neck! My back! ♫Lick my p***y and my crack!♫" "We better get ready." Maud spoke to her sister "Hearths warming is coming." At that moment, Deadpool stood right up and left. Wait... Deadpool!? You're suppose to be dressed up as Santa and- "F**K OFF!!!" What!? Deadpool, this is a time of cheer! "And higher suicide rates!" Deadpool!? What's wrong? Why aren't you-? "Make a new chapter already!!!" What? I can't do it now, I need to- "DO IT!!! JUST DO IT!!!" ...okay Shia Labeouf. We'll... see each other again. "Great! You made me reference Shia Led**che!" He walked off. Well... this was... strange. Tell me about it! Author's Note If you're reading this, I need some help, actually. Deadpool... he's not feeling it. It's Christmas time and I'd like to find out what's wrong. Yes, he and I don't get along, but he's like a brother. I'm planning to do a Christmas 3 parter thing like what I did with Halloween, but, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm gonna need editors on this. This whole thing is going to be in rhyme and it's going to be based off of three classic Christmas stories. Message me if you really want to join with me on this and want to know what the stories are. Don't tell anyone when you find out, though! If you don't celebrate this, then I'm sorry. Another 1st person Chapter...MrAquino!? MrAquino!?!?!? Mr- What the-!? This is where you've been this whole time!? Shut up... playing. You've been gone for three days! You've been here playing Fallout 4!? Shut up... so... awesome!!! And you're still on the character customization!? Need... perfect... couple. ... Ya'll Mutha f**kas need to get a life! Have Life... Half life... Half life 3... probably confirmed. Yeah. Listen, why don't you go and meet Twilight Sparkle? ...Why? Nothing... except she may move on to some other stallion. ...Play this game! Blue Skidoo, we can too! Sweet! Time to play as the ugliest people!!! I woke up again in Equestria, but instead of the warm sun on my back or face, I felt the winds and snow of winter hitting me. Not going to lie, I was freezing; Were it not for my fur, I would've just said 'F**k this!' I got up on all fours again and looked around; many of the trees were now bare, give or take a few leaves, as some of the puddles were now ice and the pegasi were making it snow from the clouds above. I looked ahead, seeing many earth ponies doing their part to make it winter... then saw Deadpool with a flamethrower, burning the snow. "DIE WINTER, DIE!!!" He yelled "YA'LL AIN'T CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR!!! THIS IS A PAGAN HOLIDAY, AND JESUS HATES YA'LL FOR CELEBRATING THIS!!! SANTA HATES POOR KIDS!!! YOU TREAT THANKSGIVING AS AN ABUSED REDHEAD STEPCHILD!!! YA'LL AIN'T GONNA GET 'YER DEALS ON BLACK FRIDAY THIS YEAR!!! WINTER AIN'T COMING THIS YEAR!!! EVERY STARK WILL DIE!!!" He ran and continued melting the snow to continue fall. "...I really need to start that holiday special." I muttered to myself. I flapped my wings and headed towards Twilight's castle. If thre's one thing I know I suck at, it's trying to be calm around women; I'm neither the 'James Bond' type of womanizer, nor am I those guys who have so much 'swag' that they can be a total d**k to any women and get away with it. After a while of flying, and hiding from some ponies who recognized me, I landed right in front of Twilight's castle. I hesitated before knocking on her castle's door. What if she did move on? I thought to myself What if I've been gone so long, she now has another stallion with her!? What if it's-? Oh Celestia no! I knocked on her door. Please don't be with her! PLEASE!!! The door opened and Spike stood there. We stared at each other awkwardly. I guess we were both waiting for each other to make the first move. "...May I help you?" He asked "Is... Is Twilight home?" "She is, along with her friends." "Can... Can I meet her?" "Sure. I do have a question though." "Ask away." "How was it like kissing her?" I froze and stared for a bit. "Uh... to get something similar, don't eat gems for a week or two, then you'll know what it's like." "Huh. Guess I'll try it then." Spike lead me to the throne room with the map in the middle. All of the Mane 6 was there, and... oh sweet jesus... wings... don't! *POMF!!!* "DAMMIT!!!" My yelling got the attention from all the mares. Twilight gasped at my sight. "You're back!" She cheered, running to me. She tackled me to the floor; I landed on my back and she was on top with a near seductive look on her face. I'm just glad the animators didn't add any dingalings to the show. "So~ where have you been all this time?" Don't say anything stupid! "...I like boobies!" You suck. "Ooh! I didn't know you studied birds." Nevermind! "Uh... yeah. I do... occasionally." "So what brings you back?" "... Just... checking up. Need to see what you've been doing." "Along with Deadpool?" "Ugh, don't remind me. I just saw him burning the snow away to keep it summer, or at least, fall." "Damn straight!" Deadpool's voice spoke. Dora the Explorer's 'I'm the map' played as Deadpool appeared on the table, dancing the very stupid Drake dance moves from 'Hotline Bling', but also had some of the finest women from X-men: Mystique Jean Grey X23 Domino Psylocke Selena Emma Frost Copy Cat (Who I just realize it's Vanessa!) And Lady Death "Like all of these Mutant Girls!?" Deadpool asked us. "Who are these ladies?" Rainbow Dash asked "And how do you know them?" Applejack asked "Cause I'm a pimp!" Deadpool answered. "No you aren't." Emma commented "But where did they get their costumes?" Rarity asked "I simply need them for my newest designs!" "Or just go naked like Mystique here." Deadpool replied, squeezing Mystique's boobs. She slapped him across the face, turning to me. "Women, am I right!?" I shrugged. "To you, I guess." I replied "But I'd rather stick to one woman, even if she is a mare." At that moment, Twilight nuzzled me. "Aw, that's so sweet." She commented "Shut up!!!" I yelled. "So is she your Bae?" Deadpool asked. Ugh...That word "... What's wrong with Girlfriend? Or Marefriend?" "Too long! Needs to be shorter!" "Hey!" Twilight yelled "If you're going to invent a new word, it has to make sense." "Oh sure! Tell that to the people in social media who keep using hashtags!" "...Hashtags?" "THEY'RE CYBER WAFFLES!!! And they're used for everything nowadays!!!" "...Are you sure?" "Eeyup!" "Well is there on of you?" "Oh great." I commented as music played from the most sexist & Misogynistic song to be played on the radio that women sang to, 'Blurred lines'. The place became a white background with '#Deadpool', large, bold, and red. "Chimichanga! What up? Chimichanga! What up?" "♫ Hey, hey, hey.♫ " I sang along, though bored. When you're with his clone, forced to sing all the time, you get bored and lose the 'umph!' of singing. "♫Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey♫" "♫See I can heal, what I'm trying to say Is that I can't die, hello my name is Wade. Deathstroke but redesigned. Epic, awesome combined. Two minds inside one mind. Two guns, a double dose. I will annihilate you. I got a video game, it's rated M for mature. Domino? Yeah, we've dated.♫" "♫Hey, hey, hey♫" "♫Wolverine? Not related.♫" "♫Hey, hey, hey♫" "♫Movie? Anticipated. That's why they call me Deadpool!♫" "♫You guys can't kill him. You guys can't kill him You guys can't kill him♫" "♫Cause I'm Deadpool. Crazy fightin' tactics. My guns ain't plastic. Gettin' sliced, get blasted. I love them dollar signs.♫" "♫Killin' for money Killin' for money Killin' for money♫" "♫But them mutant girls! The way you grab me. And then you stab me. Go ahead, get at me. Logan has those dream for When he thinks of Jean, oh! We should make a team cause We can't die! High-five and embrace! Guns in my storage.♫" "♫Hey, hey, hey♫" "♫You want an orange?♫" "♫Hey, hey, hey♫" "What rhymes with orange?" "...Nothing." "Oh. ♫Two guns, a double dose. I will annihilate you I got a video game, it's rated M for mature Rob Liefeld drew me.♫" "♫Hey, hey, hey♫" "♫Fave scribe? Joe Kelly.♫" "♫Hey, hey, hey" "♫Now it's Brian & Gerry.♫" "♫Hey, hey, hey♫" "♫Powers combined to make me Deadpool♫" "♫You guys can't kill him. You guys can't kill him You guys can't kill him♫" ♫Cause I'm Deadpool. Crazy fightin' tactics. My guns ain't plastic. Gettin' sliced, get blasted. I love them dollar signs.♫" "♫Killin' for money Killin' for money Killin' for money♫" "♫But them mutant girls! The way you grab me. And then you stab me. Go ahead, get at me.♫ One thing I ask of you, Let me be the one that you give your cash to. Was an X-Men once, then got the boot. Then I joined X-Force and fought with these two. Killed a bunch of people as we passed through. Swords and claws are just enough to tear your ass in two. I do things with no thought or rationale. It's 'cause I can't die! Neither can my pal. 100 years later, ain't still not dead. Can't even die if you chop off my head. Nothin' like that Slade guy, he's too serious. Deadpool's the best merc, girl's can't resist. So I, just watch and wait, While I eat tacos and gain some weight. Not many X-Men can refuse this pimpin' I'm a nice guy sometimes but I might punch your face in. Shake it girls! Get down! Get up! Watch the girls all flirt! Kane is gonna squirt! Now Kane's getting hurt." "♫Oh god!!!♫ ♫Dancin' a funky beat, Phoenix, Psylocke and Emma. Domino, X-23, Rogue, Mytique, Selena. No more pretending.♫ ♫Hey, hey, hey♫ ♫Copies still printing.♫ ♫Hey, hey, hey♫ ♫Comic sales? WINNING!♫ ♫Hey, hey, hey♫ ♫Remember the name because it's Deadpool♫ "♫You guys can't kill him. You guys can't kill him You guys can't kill him♫" "♫Cause I'm Deadpool. Crazy fightin' tactics. My guns ain't plastic. Gettin' sliced, get blasted. I break that fourth wall!♫" "♫Killin' for money Killin' for money Killin' for money♫" "♫But them mutant girls! The way you grab me. And then you stab me. Go ahead, get at me.♫ Chimichanga! What up? Chimichanga! What up?" If any of you saw the video of what happened, then you knew what happened. If not... let's just say that right now, I'm not even sure how Deadpool lives with himself. Twilight stared with her mouth wide open as I came back, shivering uncontrollably with random goats around me. "What happened!?" she asked "...You don't wanna know." I answered "I... I wanna go home now." "I'll take you, then." She stood next to me and helped me walk. "Aw, so many goats!" Fluttershy squeed, hugging one close to her. "I call this one 'Horny'!" Deadpool added, picking up another goat. "Horns!" Pinkie added with a snort-laugh mix. To make this short, I got another kiss from Twilight, and wished her good luck. Oh god, what happened here!? ...Fallout 4! Holiday Special #1: How Deadpool stole Hearts WarmingAuthor's Note More will come, and I had a blast with this! Please, I'm no Dr.Seuss, so my rhyming isn't the best. Also, 420 likes!?!?!? Pass me the weed!!! You don't even smoke! ...Way to ruin the joke. Holiday Special #1: How Deadpool stole Hearts Warming Every Pony down in Ponyville liked Hearts Warming a lot But Deadpool, who lived just North of Ponyville, did not. Deadpool hated Hearts Warming! The whole holiday season! Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason. It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. How would that make me not rest!? It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right. That may just be the best. But I think that the most likely reason of all, May have been that his heart was two sizes too small. But, whatever the reason, his heart, his shoes, or just being horny He stood on his balcony on Hearts Warming Eve, hating everypony, I ain't a hater like you! So you can suck on Deez Nuts too! Staring down from his roof with a sour, Pool-ey frown At the warm lighted windows below in the town, For he knew every Pone down in Ponyville beneath Was busy now hanging a ponified wreath. Noe, behind the scenes, Deadpool's Best friend came. Bob was his name, and Hydra wasn't really his game And they're hanging their stockings, he snarled with a sneer. Tomorrow is Hearts Warming! It's practically here! Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming, I must find some way to keep Christmas from coming! For, tomorrow, I know all the Who girls and boys Will wake bright and early. They'll rush for their toys! And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise! There's one thing I hate! All the NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! And they'll shriek squeaks and squeals, racing 'round on their wheels. They'll dance with jingtinglers tied onto their heels. They'll blow their floofloovers. They'll bang their tartookas. They'll blow their whohoopers. They'll bang their gardookas. They'll spin their trumtookas. They'll slam their slooslunkas. They'll beat their blumbloopas. They'll wham their whowonkas. And they'll play noisy games like zoozittacarzay, A roller-skate type of lacrosse and croquet! And then they'll make ear-splitting noises galooks On their great big electro whocarnio flooks! Then the Ponies, young and old, will sit down to a feast. And they'll feast! And they'll feast! And they'll FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! They'll feast on pudding, and rare roast beats! Raw roast beats is a feast I can't stand in the least! And then they'll do something I hate most of all! Every Pony down in Ponyville, the tall and the small, They'll stand close together, with Hearts Warming bells ringing. They'll stand hand-in-hand, and those ponies will start singing! The Fire of Friendship lives in our hearts As long as as it burns we cannot drift apart Though quarrels arise their numbers are few Laughter and singing will see us through We are a circle of pony friends A circle of friends we'll be 'til the very end And they'll sing! And they'll sing! And they'd SING! SING! SING! SING! And the more the Grinch thought of this Pony Heart warming Sing, The more the Grinch thought, I must stop this whole thing! Why for twenty-one years I've put up with it now! I must stop Christmas from coming! But how? ... Oh! I got an idea! It's an awful idea! It's a wonderful, awful idea! I know what you can do! Bob laughed in his throat. I'll make a quick Santa Claus hat and a coat. Deadpool chuckled, and clucked, What a great, Wade/Bob trick! With that coat and that hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick! You're a mean one, Mr. Wade. You really are a heel. You're as cuddly as a cactus. You're as charming as an eel. Mr. Wade! You're a bad banana with a... greasy black peel! You're a monster, Mr. Wade. Your heart's an empty hole. Your brain is full of spiders. You've got garlic in your soul. Mr. Wade! I wouldn't touch you with a... thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole! Now All I need is a reindeer. Deadpool looked around. But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found. Did that stop Deadpool? Hah! Deadpool simply said, If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead! So he took his friend Bob, and he took some black thread. And he tied a fake d**k on top of his head. Then he loaded some bags and some bottles to collect sobs On a ramshackle sleigh and he whistled for Bob. Then Deadpool said "Giddyap!" and the sleigh started down Toward the homes where the Ponies lay a-snooze in their town. All their windows were dark. No one knew he was there. All the Ponies were all dreaming sweet dreams without care When he came to the first little house of the square. This is stop number one, the old Pooley Claus hissed, As he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist. Then he slid down the chimney, a rather tight pinch. But if Santa could do it, then so could the man-b***h. Hey! That's not fair! For that, you're nt going to get my share! He got stuck only once, for a minute or two. Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue Where the little pony stockings hung all in a row. These stockings, he grinched, are the first things to go! Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant, Around the whole room, and he took every present! Pop guns, pampoogas, pantookas, and drums! Checkerboards, bizilbigs, popcorn, and plums! And he stuffed them in bags. Then Deadpool, very nimbly, Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney. You're a vile one, Mr. Wade. You have termites in your smile. You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile. Mr. Wade! Given the choice between the two of you I'd take the... seasick crocodile! You're a rotter, Mr. Wade. You're the king of sinful sots. Your heart's a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots. Mr. Wade! You're a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce! Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the ponies' feast! He took the pudding! He took the roast beats! He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash. Why, Deadpool even took the last can of Pony-hash! Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee. Now, grinned Deadpool, I will stuff up the tree! As the Grinch took the tree, as he started to shove, He heard a small sound like the coo of a dove. He turned around fast, and he saw a small foal! Little Princess Skyla, the replacement for Brony's coal. She stared at Deadpool and said, Santy Hooves, why, Why are you taking our Hearts Warming tree? Why? But, you know, that Deadpool wasn't so smart and slick, But he thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick! POCKET SAND!!! the fake Santy Claus yelled The filly screamed, bumping her head and fell. She was unconscious, this was good, Deadpool left a can to make it look she ate all of the food. And when Skyla was lying with with her beer-filled cup, He crupt to the chimney and stuffed the tree up! Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar. And the last thing he took was the log for their fire. On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire. And the one speck of food that he left in the house Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse. Then he did the same thing to the other Ponies' houses, Leaving crumbs much too small for the other mouses! You nauseate me, Mr. Wade, with a nauseous super "naus"! You're a crooked dirty jockey and you drive a crooked hoss. Mr. Wade! Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled up knots! You're a foul one, Mr. Wade. You're a nasty-wasty skunk. Your heart is full of unwashed socks. Your soul is full of gunk. Mr. Wade! The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote, "Stink, stank, stunk"! It was quarter of dawn. All the Ponies still a-bed, All the ponies still a-snooze, when he packed up his sled, Packed it up with their presents, their ribbons, their wrappings, Their snoof and their fuzzles, their tringlers and trappings! Ten thousand feet up, up the side of Mount Crumpet, He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it! Pooh-pooh to the Pones! he was grinchily humming. They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming! They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do! Their mouths will hang open a minute or two Then the Ponies down in Ponyville will all cry boo-hoo! Unfortunately him, throughout the night, He was watched by Princess Luna, just out of his sight. She saw what he was doing and knew what she had to do: Summon the spirits of those he knew! Concentrating her horn, she fired at the Deadpool, At which he fell, snoring with drool. I don't know if you can hear me, Dr. Pool, But what you've done isn't really cool. Hearts Warming is coming, this, you can't change, And please, don't use your devices that go 'bang!' Bob smiled nervously, and took Deadpool back to his bed, Then rejoined Luna, for Deadpool will be meet by the dead. So please, stay for part two And rhyming, this I'm finally through! Holiday special #2: A Deadpool tale."~Deadpool." A ghostly voice spoke "~Deadpool!" "Go away." Deadpool groaned "You're gonna die, Santa." "DEADPOOL!!!" Wade snorted and woke up. He scratched his eyes and looked up. A familiar person stood, or in this case, floated near him. "...Oh hey! My O.C.: Deathstroke!" "I am not your O.C.! I came first! You're a copycat!" "Heh! Then why are you a ghost?" "You killed me, remember?" "...Oh yeah! DEATHBATTLE!!! Oh, please, let me have a new episode!" "Shut up! Deadpool, you have committed crimes-" "Not here." "Against the holidays. You're going to be visited by three spirits." "Aren't you one of them?" "...Not exactly. Now, listen to these spirits, or else you're going to die!" "HA!!! Good one! I never knew you were a joker! Ooh! Speaking of which! How's the horrid Jared Leto Joker coming? Are you going to be in with DC's version of 'The Expendables'?" Deathstroke remained silent. "Oh, did I hit a button there? Butthurt? I think it's butthurt. Want me to kiss it?" Deathstroke stabbed Deadpool in his face, knocking him out. "That feels better." Ghost of Hearths Warming past. Deadpool woke up in what was a swamp area. "Well... that was weird." Deadpool commented, looking around. "Where am I? Is this Froggy Bottom Bog? DO I GET TO KILL A HYDRA!?!?!?" "Kill one, you shall not." A wise voice with a familiar laugh spoke "Learn about the past, you will." Deadpool turned to see the famous Jedi Master himself, Yoda!!! "HOLY S**T!!! YODA!!!" "Heard about me, you had." "Damn straight!" "Ghost of Hearths warming past, I am." "Ooh! Are we going to explore the past of Equestria?" "Yours, we are." "...oh... well... question." "Hmm?" "Do you count the prequels as canon?" "... Forget the past, I had. Yours, we won't." "F**k." Yoda used the force and the place turned into what was a trailer park with snow falling. "This place, you remember?" "...Yeah. This was my old home." "Explore, we shall." They entered the home, seeing young Wade watching some old Christmas special on a really crappy T.V., his father snoring away on a recliner, and his mom making their dishes. "Hey! That's me when I was young! Man, I was so cute when the bruises went away! I was lucky when my father was asleep and when my mother was awake. Man, my father loved playing games like 'catch the bottle' to ' who can punch the hardest'. I always lost the last one." "Happened often?" Deadpool took off his shirt, seeing bruises on it. "That explain?" "...See it, I wish not." "Just wait until I got a girlfriend a couple of years later." "See it, we shall." Another time jump, and a teenage wade was making out with- "THE F**K!?!?!? That's a dude! Not a hot chick!!!" "Intoxicated, you were." "I f**ked a dude drunk!?" Both old & young wade's ceeks perked, turned to the left side, and puked on the floor. "What's the matter?" Deadpool's lover asked, revealing that it was Mr. Sinister before becoming Sinister. "It's Mr. Sinister too!?" He puked again. "I don't know, Debra." Young Wade replied "I feel... we have a connection, you know." "We have more than a connection." Sinsiter spoke seductively. "TURN IT OFF!!!" Deadpool yelled "TURN IT OFF!!!" Another scene change, and it revealed a mall. The mall was packed, but a line was formed, kids with their parents waiting to meet Santa. And in that line, near the front, was Deadpool. "Joy, you had here." Yoda spoke "Drunk, you weren't." "Yeah, I remember this. When I meet the most straight Santa ever." "One you're meeting, yes?" "No, that other one." He pointed at a strange looking Santa. "For some reason, that Santa reminds me of Celestia." Yoda face palmed himself. "Idiot, you are." Replace Delerious with Deadpool and the other Santa with you-know-who. At that moment, the rest of the Weapon X crew came along and killed the xenomorph attacking Deadpool. "Get off your ass, Wade!" Wolverine growled "You're still in this assassination!" "But Santa!" Past-Deadpool whined "I got a teddy from him." "There's no such thing as Santa!" Sabertooth yelled. "...S-Santa... isn't real?" "NO!!!" they all yelled. Deadpool stared into space. His childhood crumbled as he envisioned himself falling into the world of adults with an overused 'Boom'. Omega red slapped him. "Focus!" he yelled "We must kill target before going home." "... I don't want to anymore." Deadpool replied. "If you do this, I'll show you my twins." Lady Deathstrike spoke seductively. Deadpool's head popped up. "B-Boobies?" "Oh yes! Our target is disguised as Santa, and he-" Deadpool disappeared. "And he's going on a murder spree now?" Sabertooth asked "Most likely." Wolvierine replied, taking a cigar and lighting it. "Nice job on telling him Santa didn't exist." "He's a full grown man believing a fat man delivers presents to good boys & girls." Deathstrike replied. "Someone needs to tell him." "... I'll be back in base." Omega Red commented, walking away. "What happened, you remember?" Yoda asked. "Oh yeah!" Present-pool replied "And I believe I have the most fitting song to go with this." Past-Pool went on a killing spree, killing anyone dressed up as Santa in horrible ways with 'Get ready to die' playing. To say this was ugly is an understatement, as kids everywhere cried, seeing 'Santa' getting killed from another man in red who looked a lot like Spider-Man. And that is why J. Jonah Jameson beleive Spider-Man is a criminal. "Horrible, this is." Yoda commented. "Not as bad as your prequels!" Present-Pool commented, followed by some 'OOHS!!!' Yoda stared at him angrily. A lightsaber levitated and was thrown into Deadpool's head. Ghost of Hearth's Warming Present. Deadpool woke up to be on a cloud above Equestria. "Butthurt, Yoda is." Deadpool spoke as he got up. "Welcome, Deadpool." a woman's voice spoke from behind. Deadpool turned around to see a pale blue pegasus mare with a white mane & blue stripes, but had much more paler eyes. "I am Snowdrop, the ghost of Hearths warming present." "Aw, aren't you adorable!" Deadpool replied, followed with him- "HEY! No blind jokes!" ...What!? Deadpool, I though you- "Only with Daredevil, but this is a pony! Plus, she's dead! Respect the dead you sick f**k!" "Who was that?" she asked "Just a F**kboi." You're a F**k boy! "What's a f**k boy?" she asked. "Nothing to go with this. So~ What are you here for?" "To show you what's happening right now." Deadpool snickered. Snowdrop stared at him angrily, then kicked him in the nuts. He fell to the floor, wheezing. "Funny now?" "...My bad." "Good! Now, just watch." The place changed into Ponyville. The sun rose and, as if on cue, all the fillies & colts woke up to cheer as presents are found underneath their Hearthswarming tree. "Hey! I broke into every home and took their presents away!" "You did, but Princess Luna found you doing this and delivered all the presents & decorations back to their owners." "Every single one?" "She's very organized than you think. Plus, look." At Deadpool's own house, Bob, Weasel, Blind Al, Vanessa, Cable, and Death all sat together, opening presents to each other. "Hey! Why am I not there!?" "This is a few hours into the future, and this is if you didn't listen to us." "Hold on! This is the future? Shouldn't you be the ghost of Hearthswarming future!?" "No. This is still technically today, the future is in the next day." "Damn it." "And they're not the only ones celebrating this wonderful time." They then saw many important things happening: The Apples and pies spending the time together, Rainbow Dash going to Scootaloo's house, Rarity & Sweetie Belle going to their parent's home, Fluttershy & Discord celebrating Discord's first official Hearths warming, and Twilight with- "Stop making out with Twilight, Author!" Oh s**t! Who-Who put that there!? I-I-I certainly didn't! That's... that's a fart! "Quit lying to yourself, virgin!" "Who's a virgin?" Snowdrop asked "The person who made this." "...Ok. But, you get what I'm saying? All of these ponies and your friends are enjoying the holidays, so you should as well." "F**k no!" Cheerful music began to play. "Will singing help you change?" "I'd rather have Mr. Sinister F**k me again... sober, this time." " Too bad. ♫It's in the singing of a street corner choir It's going home and getting warm by the fire It's true, where ever you find love, it feels like Hearth's warmness♫" The Cakes followed the singing blind pegasus. They gave a gift to Littlepip & Blackjack. "♫A cup of kindness that we share with another A sweet reunion with a friend or a brother In all the places you find love, it feels like Hearth's warmness♫" "♫It is the season of the heart A special time of caring The ways of love made clear It is the season of the spirit The message if we hear it Is 'Make it last all year'♫" Changelings began to sing. "♫It's in the giving of a gift to another A pair of mittens that were made by your mother It's all the ways that we show love that feel like Hearth's warmness.♫" Celestia & Luna, followed by Deadpool's own voices "♫A part of childhood we'll always remember It is the summer of the soul in December♫" ♫It's when you do your best for love, it feels like Hearth's warmness.♫ More Solo, but was now followed by the town, including moi, singing. "♫It is the season of the heart A special time of caring The ways of love made clear It is the season of the spirit The message if we hear it Is 'Make it last all year'♫" She landed back to Deadpool, who began to dance along. "♫It's in the singing of a street corner choir It's going home and getting warm by the fire It's true, where ever you find love, it feels like Hearth's warmness! It's true, where ever you find love... It feels like Hearth's warmness It feels like Hearth's warmness It feels like Hearth's warmness It feels like Hearth's warmness♫" "Wow... that was something." Deadpool commented. "Thanks," Snowdrop answered "but you may not want to look up." "Oh sure! I 'won't'!" He looked up, only to see an icicle coming down into his face. Ghost of Hearth's Warming Future. "Ow!" Deadpool yelled, sitting right up. "Should've moved a couple of steps to the side." He looked around, seeing that he was in an abandoned building. "Hello!? Last spirit? I've come to deal with your bulls**t!" He looked up to see what looked like, hanging like a bat, a Slender-Man looking, but had a face. "Uh... what the f**k is that? And why is it so creepy?" That, Deadpool, is the Silence. And as for why it's creepy, well, I decided that it's fitting and that you should Watch Dr. Who every now & then. "Yeah... I'm leaving!" Deadpool turned around, only to encounter another Silence. "The f**k!?" Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that they travel in groups. "You b*****d!" "Deadpool~" The silence spoke in an echoing like, yet silent tone. "We are the spirits of Hearths warming Future. Heed these warnings or else you will perish." "Now that's just terrifying on how hey say it!" The place changed as it revealed a graveyard with a funeral taking action. All around, ponies were everywhere, weeping as a casket was lowered. "It was such a shame for him to go like that." Fluttershy weeped. "I know," Twilight added "I never knew a single piece of metal could kill him." "Who's in the casket!?" Deadpool asked "What's in the box!? WHAT'S IN THE F***ING BOX!?!?!?" The silence opened it, revealing that it was Deadpool himself. "...How did I die!?" The place changed again, revealing Deadpool was having a nice stroll from the park. Somewhere else, two other ponies were observing a piece of metal found on the floor. "This is certainly a new metal." One of the two spoke "Think we can use them?" "Yeah, just place it on the counter." The other replied. The piece of metal was put on the corner, but it fell out of a window. Deadpool was underneath the window. It fell into his head and he died instantly. "...Carbonatium!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled "I died from Carbonatium!? This can't get any worse." It does. Blind Al is taken to the home, Weasel is finally free to do what he wants, Bob was able to both kill the Red Skull and become the face of Hydra, Vanessa dies from a lack of Deadpool (because reasons), Cable had to switch to Direct T.V. to survive (but died in debt), and the worst part of it all involved lady Death. "U wot m8!?" Yes, after finding out the way Deadpool died, Lady Death rejected Deadpool's soul and instead went to her ex, Thanos. "That purple b***h!?" And, with no Deadpool or crew to stand up & fight, not only was earth conquered, but Equestria as well. Turns out, the Elements of Harmony were more infinity stones, so while Thanos was able to kill the tree of harmony easily, he had to make a third glove to fit the elements in. And if you want to know where he has a third, you don'[t want to know. "Wow... all of this because I hate the fat red man who calls himself a saint but ruined the holidays?" Yes. And, with all of this, both worlds were destroyed by Galactus in the following week. And sorry, not the giant man in pink, but the giant fart cloud. "Damn you Fox for ruining everything!!!" And speaking of Fox, in the future, the Deadpool film did terrible for the critics- "That's not much of a surprise!" and the audience. "...What?" Turns out, the film was so terrible in so many ways; predictable & terrible plot, jokes so bad that it makes Adam Sandler films look like Oscar deserving films, effects that are even worse than Fant4stic's and Green Lantern's combined, terrible fighting complete with so much shaky cams, and, as icing on top of this, it did worse than the Jem film. "LIES!!! THEY'RE LIES!!!" "You must change your ways, Deadpool." The silence instructed "Follow these, or else this will happen!" "Never! I'll avoid windows!!!" "You cannot escape your own destiny! Follow these, and you might survive to stop these things from happening." "I'll think on it then. Now, what's gonna happen this time? Are you going to point at me with your d**k fingers and fire lightning at me?" They did just that, though their 'mouths' opened while doing it, looking a bit like the famous 'Scream' portrait. Author's Note Part three is coming before the 25th. Now... I didn't plan this either, but the next chapter is the 100th chapter. So~... YOU GET TO MAKE THE NEXT CHAPTER!!! Hearths warming related is all it needs to be, but go crazy! Holiday Special #3: The true face of evilDeadpool woke up again from his sleep, right on his bed, seeing that he accidentally wetted the bed. "F**K!!!" He yelled "Now I gotta do my laundry! Thanks Obama!" "Your welcome." Obama replied before walking out. ...What!? Just roll with it. Deadpool grumbled to himself, picking up his bed sheets and walked around in his underwear as he did some laundry. Looking out of a window, he saw snow falling as Celestia's sun was beginning to rise. He growled to himseolf again, opening the door to Bob's room (nicknamed the 'Harry Potter Closet' because of the first movie), seeing him snore. "Wake up Dip s**t!" he yelled. Bob snorted awake. "...What?" he asked "Do we still have those presents?" "...Nah." "WHAT!?" "That Dark horse, Luna, took the presents back to their owners." "And you didn't do anything to stop her!?" "...She gave me this." He held up a Chubbie plushie of Luna. Deadpool groaned. "Aw F**k me! Hearths Warming is here! Ungrateful b*****ds!" A loud 'THUMP' was heard on the roof. "...What was that!?" "...Stay in your room. I got a good idea who it is." Bob closed his door as Deadpool quickly put on some pajamas, took some guns, and his twin katanas. He peeked around the corner, seeing the man himself: SANTA CLAUS!!! Deadpool saw the various gifts Santa was leaving under a tree he didn't place there. "For Cable," Santa listed "A new ray gun! For Bob, a job application for S.H.I.E.L.D., Weasel will love this new tablet, Lady Death will love the souls of my retired Elves, Copycat, this Vibrator, and for Deadpool-" Deadpool placed the barrel of his gun behind Santa's head. "Don't you dare move a f**king muscle." Now we ARE going on the naughty list for sure. But Santa's naughty! What!? How-!? We'll explain. "Santa," Deadpool began to monologue "For many years, I have hunted you down every holiday season to stop your power." "Power?" Santa asked "I don't want power! I just want to spread Christmas cheer to-" Deadpool pistol whipped ol' Saint Nick. "Shut the F**k up! You only spread cheer to those who celebrate Christmas! What about the Jews who celebrate Hanukkah!? Or the Black people who celebrate Kwanzaa!? Huh!? And with Christmas, you're taking the day away from Jesus Christ, the savior of us sinners, God's only child, the guy who people think is white with long hair but is actually black with short hair!!! You friends with him, or are you trying to take his not-birthday-birthday away!?" Santa coughed. "Please... I let people celebrate what they want, and they-" Another pistol whip. "That was a rhetorical question! How about this: why do you only hang out with the rich kids!? You leave all the homeless kids and orphans alone with no present! And when you do leave them a present, it's the most s*******t presents! How about the other kids in 2nd and 3rd world countries!? Is that where you get your elves: kidnapping children away from their families to become your personal slaves in making & creating toys and other s**t that you know will crash the market of other companies that worked for that s**t!? HUH!?" "No! I-it's nothing like that! It's-" "And what about your abilities!? You see everyone when their sleeping, you know when they're awake! You part of the NSA or some s**t like that!? You part of some government s**t!? How are you immortal!? Introduced at around 280 A.D. in Patara, near Myra in modern-day Turkey, and yet, you're still alive for some reason!? You got a healing factor like me and Wovlie!? Or... of course... all of this leads to one thing... of course! You're part of the Illuminati!!!" REALLY!?!?!? Eeyup! Santa began to laugh, but not in the classic 'ho-ho-ho', but like that of a villain. "So... after years of doing this, someone finally figures it out." Santa spoke, turning to Deadpool. "That's right, Wade. I am not part of the Illuminati... I AM the Illuminati!!! How else am I able to get away with this stuff but the Government does nothing in their power to stop me!?" "Easy: You bribe them! You made yourself the face of Christmas, companies use you, they get tons of money from customers needing to buy stuff for their friends, family, and coworker-" "And in turn, I get my share, as well as the Government not doing anything." "But how are you still alive!?" "... The fountain of Youth. It's not in Florida, well... not anymore... but I took it! It's in the North pole with me!" "Of course! You bathe in it so much that you retain all of your youth and stay as Santa for the years to come!" "And I'm gonna continue that!" "Oh yeah! How!?" Santa punched Deadpool in the nuts. He stood up and exited through the chimney "...Okay... good one." Santa Flew over Ponyville, his sack still stuffed with toys and presents that will be given to the NSA's worker's families. All the ponies woke up and looked outside, seeing Santa fly over them, feeling awe & wonder. That was cut off shortly when Deadpool appeared behind Santa, dropped something, disappeared, and the sleigh with Santa exploded. Everypony came out of their homes to see Deadpool standing, and peeing, into the flaming crater with the burning sleigh and deer corpses. "Deadpool!" Twilight yelled "What are you doing!?" "Taking a number 1!" Deadpool replied, not looking back and still peeing. "It's been a long time since I peed! Am I even finished?" "Did Deadpool kill Santa Hooves?" Applebloom whimpered. "Nah! I killed Santa CLAUS! Besides, you're going to love these." As he still peed, he pulled a trigger and detonated it. Another explosion, and presents came out of the burning sleigh, falling everywhere with names labeled for everypony he meet. Wait... how-? Just roll with it. Because... Reasons, I guess. "Happy Hearths Warming to all!" Deadpool cheered, STILL peeing! The ponies cheered as they looked for and received their gifts from Deadpool/ the dead Santa. "Ah... now I'm finished. This was... pretty easy, actually. I actually wanted a challenge." Ah, for you, Deadpool, is my Christmas/ Hearths warming gift to you. Up in the sky, the clouds formed together and darkened the sky. Lightning clashed, and the figure of someone else came. "Ah S**t. I should've accepted that as an ending." Down from the sky, a shadow came and possessed the burning corpse of Santa, making it rise and let out a terrifying screech! This, readers, isn't jolly old Saint Nick anymore- He was never a saint! But this was his shadow: Krampus! Oh great, another jumpscare 'horror' villain. "Deadpool!" Krampus shouted "I should thank you for this! Killing my good side has made me more powerful! Now I will spread fear and murder everyone who doesn't believe in me!" "Wow... now that's racist!" Deadpool replied. A wormhole opened, and the Dark Elves from Thor: The dark world came out, all dressed like the cliched Santa Elves and had Christmas painted weapons. "And... this is gonna be challenging." You wanted a challenge, I gave you one! "Not like this! Plus... Is that Carbonatium!?" "Si." One of the elves replied. "...Wow... I'm dead." Oh quit your whining! Another portal opened behind Deadpool, and the Deadpool Corps came out. "Someone called for us?" Fem-Pool asked. "Holy s**t! This is better, but we're gonna need-" "Say no more!" Kid-pool interrupted "We have back-up." Following behind, Millions of other Pools came out, all different in one way. Deadpool's nose let out a booger as he made a ridiculous happy face. "It's a Hearth's warming Miracle!" "*CHARGE!!!*" Dog-Pool barked. All of the Deadpools charged with Krampus's evil elf army. The result... for a lack of better words, was chaotic. Aw! How come I'm not with them? Because... reasons! Say, while they're fighting, want to watch the trailer to the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? ...Eh, I don't see why not. *One Viewing later* Okay, now THAT'S much better than it's predecessor! Hell yeah! Let's see how everyone is... oh... the fight is over. Dead Elves, injured pools healing right now, and Krampus is impaled by Celestia and Luna. Deadpool? Are you- "Happy Hearths warming eve, everypony!" Deadpool cheered with... who is that? "Jesus!" ...That's not Jesus. That's a Mexican. "Yeah! Jesus! Hey-Zeus." ...OH!!! Well... I guess that's... alright. Oh look! Marble Pie! "Marble!?" Deadpool looked down to see the shy mare next to him. "Is there something you wanted to say?" She cleared her throat... and... sang!!! "♫Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright...♫" With the help of Discord, Marble was in a dress with a microphone as Pinkie played a trumpet while dressed up as an extra from the Blues Brothers ♫Round yon virgin Mother and Child, holy Infant so tender and mild, Sleep in heavenly peace, Sleep in heavenly peace!!!♫ Deadpool stared with his mouth low as the force of her singing caused every other Deadpool to be fired back into their dimension, and Everypony to stare in awe. Marble just blushed as she gently dropped the mic, followed by a hug from all of her sisters. Oh... my... god! It was short... but that's all what we needed! Deadpool's heart stopped from the epicness. Everypony ran to Deadpool and gave him the biggest group hug know to Ponykind. "Happy Hearth's warming eve!!!" They all cheered Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy shut the f**k up! Good wishes to all, and to all a happy new year! Author's Note Hello, Pulp Fiction: Pony #137 & 138: Svengallop and Coloratura/RaraDeadpool walked around the the fair village of Ponyville, walking around in his new Sans jacket, enjoying the stroll as ponies everywhere played in the snow. Man... it sure is peaceful around here. Yeah... I hate it. Don't worry, something's going to happen. Really? Where? "OOF!!!" Deadpool shouted. He tripped over another pony, a mare by the looks of it. "Ow." "Oh my! I'm so sorry!" the mare quickly spoke, running with her hooves crushing the snow. "Are you alright?" Deadpool looked up to the mare, seeing the indigo mane with opal highlights and the aquamarine gray coat. "...Oh... my... God... RARA!!!" "What!?" Deadpool quickly hugged the mare, making her squeak. "Oh! Rara! Please!!! Let me learn how to be a wonderful singer like you! I want to have a voice that'll make dudes everywhere turn gay and women wet whenever I sing!" "...What?" "There you are, Countess Coloratura!" An all too familiar voice spoke. Both looked up to see a white stallion with a vermilion mane & tail, round glasses, and wearing a blue suit that covered his whole body, cutie mark including. Oh hell no! For every great thing, we get a piece of s**t. "What are you doing with that creature in red spandex!?" The stallion spoke in his annoying tone "This will look horrible to the public on your next show!" "Svengallop," Rara replied, standing up. "I just bumped into him." "Yeah!" Deadpool added "I bumped into Rara and I'm asking to be in a duo with her, you little b-" "I don't care what you were doing," the stallion spoke, taking Rara away "but Countess Coloratura can't be around the likes of a lowlife like you." LOWLIFE!?!?!? You little b***h!!! "Sven," Rara spoke in an irritated tone "please, he's just like a normal pony like you and me." "He isn't a pony." Sven replied "He's... what are you?" A pimp! A psychopath "Deadpool." He simply replied, crossing his arms. Both Sven and Rara's pupils shrunk and eyes widened, followed by their ears flattening to the side of their heads. They took a few steps back. "Uh... it was nice meeting you... Deadpool... I... uh... need Coloratura to-" Deadpool teleported, picking up Rara. "NO!!! My Rara!!!" "Ok, how do you know my nickname?" Rara asked "I'm a close friend of A.J.!" "... Oh... so you were the 'special friend' Applejack made." "Eeyup!" "SECURITY!!!" Sven yelled. Some other ponies in security outfits came out of nowhere and tackled Deadpool, making his drop Coloratura. He teleported away before the unicorns could use a spell that was equivalent to a taser, landing on the roof above them, but still out of sight. He watched as Coloratura was taken away by the security and Svengallop following them. That's OUR Rara!!! I do wonder though; why is she still working for him? "She won't by the end of this chapter!" Deadpool broke the 4th wall again. "Now where's that scene?" In Manehatten, Svengallop sat in his office at the top floor of the music industry. Right next to him, sitting while sharpening a sword, was a lone griffin bodyguard. Entering the office was a mare wearing a french maid outfit. Balancing in her mouth was a tray with, on it, a hayburger, fries, and a drink. "Sir?" she spoke in a kindly way, placing the tray on Sven's desk "Somepony wishes to meet you." "Who is it and what do they want?" Sven asked impatiently. "It's... well... they wish to remain anonymous, but they're here to discuss about your dealership with Countess Coloratura. They want her free from your dealership." "...She signed the waiver and I have made her the most successful singer since-" The mare glowed and out popped Deadpool and Discord, both wearing matching suits. The mare was revealed to be nothing more of a suit, no doubt from Pinkie's collection. "Looks like me and Discord caught you boys at breakfast." Deadpool taunted "Sorry about that. Whatcha having?" "Uh... hayburgers." Sven replied, stunned at the sight "Hayburgers! The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast! What kind of hamburgers?" "Uh, Ch-cheeseburgers." "No, where'd you get them? McDonald's, Wendy's, Jack in the Box, where?" "Um, Big Macuna Burgers." "Big Mauna Burgers! That's that Hawaiian burger joint. I hear they've got some tasty burgers. I ain't never had one myself, how are they?" "G-Good. "You mind if I try one of yours? This is yours here, right?" "Yeah." Deadpool took the bottom part of his mask off, showing his lips as he took a bite of the Hayburger. "Mmm, this is a tasty burger! Discord, you ever had a Big Macuna Burger?" Discord shook his head as he explored the place, looking for the dealership. "Want a bite, they're real tasty." "Ain't hungry." Discord simply spoke "Well, if you like burgers, give them a try sometime. Me, I can't usually get 'em because my girlfriends are vegetarians, which, pretty much makes me a vegetarian. I do love the taste of a good burger. You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with cheese in Prance?" "Um, no." Sven answered "Tell 'em, Discord." "Royale with cheese." Discord answered "'Royale with cheese.' Know why they call it that?" "Uh, because of the the metric system?" Sven asked "Check out the big brain on Sven! You're a smart motherf****r. That's right, the metric system." He threw the burger on the floor and pointed at the soda "What's in this?" "Cider." "Cider, good. Mind if I have some of your tasty beverage to wash my mouth?" "Go right ahead." Deadpool took a sip from the cider "Ah! That hit the spot. You! Chicken!" He walked to the griffin. "You know why we're here? Why don't you tell yDis where the case is?" "It's over there." "I DON'T REMEMBER ASKING YOU A GOD DAMN THING!!! ... you were saying?" "It's over there." The griffin spoke, pointing at some safes. Discord inspected the safes. "N-no, the one by your knees." After some inpection, Discord found the briefcase that contained Coloratura's papers and opened it, to which it had a yellow glow and spoke 'Hallelujah'. "We happy?" Discord stared into the case. "Discord!?" He tured to Wade. "We happy?" "Yeah, we happy." Discord replied. "Look, what's your name?" Sven asked "I get you're Discord, but what's your-?" "My name's Wade, and you ain't talkin' your a** outta this s**t." Deadpool answered. "I just want you to know how sorry I am about my deal with Coloratura. When she entered into this business, I only had the best intentions-" Deadpool pulled out his gun and shot the lone griffin mercenary next to him. Sven s**t his pants. He didn't cry or whimper, but he's so full of fear, it's as if his body is imploding. "Oh, I'm sorry. Did that break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that. Please, continue. You were saying something about 'best intentions'." Sven just stared at the sight with his mouth wide open, trying to comprehend the sight. "Whats the matter?... Oh, you were finished! Well, let me retort. What does Coloratura looks like?" "W-what?" Deadpool, flipped the card table over, removing the only barrier between himself and Brett. Brett now sits in a lone chair before Jules like a political prisoner in front of an interrogator. "What country you from!?" "What?" "'What' ain't no country I know! Do they speak English in 'What'!?" "What? "English-motherf****r-do-you-speak-it?" "Yes!" "Then you understand what I'm sayin'? "Yes!" "Now describe what Coloratura looks like!" "What?" Deadpool placed his gun on Sven's head "Say 'What' again! Say 'What' again! I dare ya, I double dare ya motherf****r, say 'What' one more goddamn time! Now describe to me what Coloratura looks like!" "Well she's... she's... an earth pony–" "-go on!" "...and she's... she's... got a black mane-" "-does she look like a b***h?! "What?" He shot Sven in the shoulder. Sven screams, breaking into a spasm in the chair. "Does-she-look-like-a-b***h?! "No!" "Then why did you try to f**k 'er like a b***h?!" "I didn't!" "Yes ya did! Ya tried ta f**k 'er. You ever read the Bible, Brett?" "...No." "Well then...There's a passage I got memorized, which seems appropriate for this situation: Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my fingers upon thee!!!" Sven screamed loudly as both Discord and Deadpool shot at Sven, purposely missing him as he screamed like a little b***h. Sven stopped screaming after the shooting came to a stop, shaking in his chair as Deadpool and Discord took camera out of the floors and walls. "This is going viral on the internet!" Discord cheered with a childish squee. "Yeah! And Quentin Tarantino will be so happy!!!" They both teleported away as Sven shook uncontrollably. The lone griffin woke up with a moan. "Ugh... I hate ketchup." He groaned. Coloratura/Rara woke up but noticed something very different. Normally, she'd wake up in either a fancy hotel room or that large golden pyramid thing Svengallop makes her travel in, but she saw beautiful trees overhead with birds flying overhead. She looked around and saw that she was in an old, familiar place. "Is this... Camp Friendship!?" she asked herself. Another groan was heard, not too far from her. She got up and walked across the dirt floor, seeing the old cabins while getting flashbacks about her past. She stopped as she saw Applejack, rubbing her head with her foreleg. The Farm pony stopped and saw the pop singer. "...Rara?" A.J. asked "A.J.?" Rara asked "Deadpool!!!" Deadpool shouted, appearing before them. "Deadpool!?" Both mares asked in shock. "I'm Sparticus!" A random stallion announced. All three turned to him with a strange look. The stallion cowered and walked away. "...What are ya'll doing here?" A.J. asked the Mercenary. "Isn't it obvious?" Deadpool replied with a wide grin. "I'm here to free Rara from her deal with Svengallop!" "...Say what?" "Free me?" Rara asked "What do you-?" "Roll the clip!" Deadpool shouted. "On it!" Pinkie replied, playing the video, via an old projector. The whole scene with Svengallop was, as you read, followed closely to Pupl Fiction, but it was then followed up by a scene with Sonata, Fluffle Puff, and Deadpool destroying the case, Office Space style. The video was quite shocking, and not just because it was daylight outside, but the actions Deadpool did that, though were for a pretty good cause, made it... weird, to say the least. That's when they saw Deadpool on the same stage Rara first performed, sitting near a piano "This is a song, which is really a first world rant on cellphone services, in which Adelle is talking to some guy or girl on the phone, using a s***ty flip phone, and to tell everyone that she's alive despite her constant tweets, with an otherwise boring hook that people believe is dramatic." ♫Hello; it's me; I was wondering If after all these years you'd like to meet to go over... everything They say that time's supposed to heal, yeah But I ain't done much healing♫ BULLS**T!!! ♫Hello, can you hear me? I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be When we were younger... and free I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet There's such a difference between us And a million miles♫ Here comes the hook. ♫Hello from the other side!!! I must've called a thousand times!!! To tell you I'm sorry, for everything that I've done But when I call you never seem to be home Hello from the outside!!! At least I can say that I've tried To tell you I'm sorry, for breaking your heart But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore.♫ Just get Starbucks, you'll feel much better. ♫Hello, how are you? It's so typical of me to talk about myself, I'm sorry I hope that you're well Did you ever make it out of that town where nothing ever happened? It's no secret That the both of us are running out of time♫ We're immortal. ♫So hello from the other side!!! I must've called a thousand times To tell you I'm sorry, for everything that I've done But when I call you never seem to be home Hello from the outside!!! At least I can say that I've tried To tell you I'm sorry, for breaking your heart But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore♫ You're overdramatic. ♫Ooh, anymore♫ I think she's on her period ♫Ooh, anymore♫ Eh, I guess ♫Ooh, anymore Anymore... Hello from the other side I must've called a thousand times To tell you I'm sorry, for everything that I've done But when I call you never seem to be home Hello from the outside At least I can say that I've tried To tell you I'm sorry, for breaking your heart But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore♫ Both A.J. and Rara stared at the beautiful sight as Deadpool finished the song, followed with him scratching his butt. Both mares fell to the floor, unconscious. "DAMN IT!!!" Deadpool yelled "I should've done Ariana Grande's 'Focus'!" Sorry, but Bill Cosby is in jail. Puddingpops! "That's gonna take forever, though. Oh well... happy new year everybody reading! Next year, we're gonna be much more crazier!!!" Author's Note Also, if you hate Svengallop, please, check out this funny comic by the DoubleWBrothers. Starting the year right: Dragons #2-???: Garble and the other dragons. Starting the year right: Dragons #2-???: Garble and the other dragons. Inside and around an active volcano, dragons were everywhere! Many of the biggest, and older, dragons rested on the outside rim for warmth while others flew off to find jewels. Inside the volcano, younger and smaller dragons fought each other to see who'll be the alpha of all of them. Of course, with the title of this chapter, Garble was at the top, wrestling some other, scrawnier looking dragon. "Who else thinks they can beat me!?" Garble asked with large doses of pride. "I *Hic!* Can!" A voice spoke. Each of the dragons turned around, seeing Deadpool... Are... are you drunk!? "Bootysweat!" Oh Celestia! We're wasted! Sober wise, yes, but for these dragons, let's see. Deadpool took a long swig of... what is that? Cider? "Why is the rum always gone?" He asked himself, falling to the floor and puked like Gary. All of the dragons watched in disgust, one having to turn around and run away, puking himself. EWW!!! Now I feel sick! Ugh... Luckily... it was over, and Deadpool got up, wiping the vomit from his front. "There! Now I'm sober!" He said to himself before looking at the dragons "How the hell did I get here? And WHAT happened last night!?" ooh! Are we going home to find out what crazy thing happened? Like "The Hangover"!? I hope not; the sequels get horrible with each one. "Hey!" Garble yelled "You challenged me to a fight!?" "...I did!?" You did. You did. "Oh... well... COME AT ME BRO!!!" Garble charged at the Merc, claws ready to slice him. Deadpool screamed like a woman, pulling the bottle of rum he drank and threw it at Garble, knocking the teenage dragon out. "Great! You made me reference 'That's my boy'!" No link for it? Youtube doesn't have it... and it's better that way. Garble got up, rubbing his head with a bruise. "You used a weapon!?" He asked "... Kinda?" Deadpool replied, shrugging his shoulder while trying to look innocent. "Get 'im, boys!" All of the dragons cheered as they charged to Deadpool. "Oh s**t!" Before he could react, Deadpool was on the ground, punched and kicked by the gang of dragons, screaming like a girl. After a good, five minute beating, the dragons left the injured Deadpool. Since we all know Deadpool heals fast, he stood right up. "Hey! You failed to kill me!" "What the-!?" One of the dragons yelled. Deadpool pulled out a sandwich. A sandwich? How is a sandwich going to help us? Remember Castle crashers? ...Oh! Deadpool took a bit of the sandwich, glowed with a flash of both white & yellow, and was now just as buff as the hulk! And, right behind him, a heavy metal tune was heard. All of the dragons were, as you can imagine, brutally beaten up by the 'roid-raged Deadpool as the music played. ♫I am be dangerous now! Not me hurt When stairs fell down! Me pushed by you Me hit head! Me nose broke Soon you be dead! ... Soon you be dead! So strong, my face is You punch, break fingers! Kick me, you're limping Stab me, you're bleeding! I am be angerous now You throwing rock at me Hit eye and it no hurt me I'm strong You're not!... You're not! I'm making time for fighting, I'm clearing time for hitting, We'll meet and I will beat you, Our schedules permitting. I pick out fighting outfit; Don't want my pants too tight; Need clothes to breath to beat you You'll be beaten down tonight!!! ♫I'm so f*****g tough I'm so f*****g tough That's right! I'm so f*****g tough I'm so f*****g tough That's right! I'm so f*****g tough I'm so f*****g tough That's right! I'm so f*****g tough I'm so f*****g tough That's right!♫ ♫You're an ugly man You're as dumb as sand Your mom's f*****g fat Your mom blew a rat You are a mistake You have sex with cake You think you're so tough You're a living bluff I will put you down I will make you drown I will make you bleed I am filled with speed I cannot feel pain I might be insane I am victory I write history!!! Feel my fist On your face You hate this I feel great!!!♫ One, two, three, four Five, six, seven, eight One, two, three, four Five, six, seven, eight ♫So strong, my face is! You punch, break fingers! Kick me, you're limping! Stab me, you're bleeding! I am be furious now! You say the bad word at me! You pull a string and trip me! I fall down, You run!... You run!♫ ♫I am making time for fighting I think it's time to beat you I think it's good decision That I destroy and teach you You put on very fast shoes And try to run away I'm very strong and fast though You're going down today♫ ♫You're so f*****g weak I'm so f*****g strong That's right! You're so f*****g weak I'm so f*****g strong That's right! You're so f*****g weak I'm so f*****g strong That's right! You're so f*****gweak I'm so f*****g strong That's right!!!♫ ♫You're an ugly man You're as dumb as sand Your mom's f*****g fat Your mom blew a rat You are a mistake You have sex with cake You think you're so tough You're a living bluff I will put you down I will make you drown I will make you bleed I am filled with speed I cannot feel pain I might be insane I am victory I write history!!! Feel my fist On your face You hate this I feel great!!!♫ ... ♫You're an ugly man You're as dumb as sand Your mom's f*****g fat Your mom blew a rat You are a mistake You have sex with cake You think you're so tough You're a living bluff I will put you down I will make you drown I will make you bleed I am filled with speed I cannot feel pain I might be insane I am victory I write history!!!♫ After the very metal and brutal beatdown by Deadpool on his own, Garble laid on the floor, cowering in fear. Deadpool walked to him, powering down from the sandwich. "P-p-please!" Garble begged "D-don't h-h-hurt me-e-e-e!!!" "Oh, I'm not gonna hurt you," Deadpool replied with a s**t eating grin. "I'm gonna do something much worse." He turned around, his butt barely touching Garble's face. "NAGASAKI!!!" With the amount of fire around, and the methane that came out of Deadpool's... anus, it caused a huge explosion that fired the merc into the air! "I'M SO AWESOME!!!" After flying through the air, Deadpool crashed into an abandoned boat, causing it to move forward. "Whoo! That was so metal!" Deadpool commented. It sure was! Except for the fart joke. Deadpool looked ahead, seeing a portal opening up. "Hey! What's going on!?" Oh, you don't know? You're going to be in another fan-fic! "... I'm... I'm going to be in another Fan-Fic!?" Eeyup. "Oh... oh my god! What Fanfic am I going in!? Does it involve someone I know!? Ooh! Am I going to be with Deathstroke!? Or another Deadpool!? Oh! Wait, Is it with Tats!?" No. It's called: "When Lightning Strikes." "...That sounds... weird." Eh, don't worry, you'll do fine in there... I think. "Alright, whatever you say." Just enter like a pirate. "... Okay. I'm already on a boat, might as well do the jingle!" Before he could sing the famous Disney pirate tune, the entire ship and Deadpool entered the portal, going to the other Fanfic by FrostTheWolf. Frost... good luck. Author's Note Happy new year, folks!!! Want do do a crossover!? Just wait until Frost posts the crossover chapter with me, then we'll talk. Where's the second season!? Pony #139: Lilly Longsocks/ PowerhouseInside Ponyville's local orphanage, a filly sat near the window, watching one of her friends leave with a new family. The filly had a pink coat with a purple mane that were tied like pigtails, and a cutiemark of what appeared to be either a hedgehog or a porcupine. "Please," she spoke to herself "Celestia... I just want a family." She looked out and saw a swirling vortex right out of her mirror. She also heard a tune that sounded heartwarming, inviting even... until the voices came. "♫Do you wanna kill some bad guys? They don't have to be bad guys.♫" "OH HELL NO!!!" "♫Okay bye~.♫" She saw the sillhouete of a strange creature, one that screamed weirdness. Firing quickly, splatting onto the side of the building, was Deadpool, back in the game! The filly was surprised at who landed on her window: The cutie Mark crusaders, Diamon Tiara, and Silverspoon had told her about Deadpool, from the way he looks to his... eccentric personality. Deadpool pulled his face off the window and saw the filly. They stared at each other for a while. "WAZZUP!!!" Deadpool yelled. The filly screamed and shut the curtains. Wait... what just happened!? We said 'Wazzup' to that strong filly and scared her. No,no,no. I meant before that! "We came from another fanfic! Maretropolis Ghoul by ElementBrigade. Though she was a ghoul from Tokyo Ghoul, that Kaoru knows how to fight... and the way she dressed, Raow!!!" But what about that Gunvolt guy? "Eh, he was pretty cool. I still want his Non-Moondancer! She was so adorable!" She was, but we have one problem. We got 99 problems and a b***h is one! Shut up! ElementBrigade's chapter isn't even up yet. What do you mean? By the time this is uploaded, the chapter having us in it isn't uploaded yet, meaning- "And this is over! Who's the lucky pony we meet next!?" ...Fine. It's like I'm talking to a rock. Tom's next!? No. We're going to meet... Lilly Longsocks, that filly we just saw. The one that looked like Pippy Longstocking? Yes... wait... how do you know that? I watched the cartoons. "Well let's meet our strong filly! We're going to have so much fun!" Lilly held onto her pillow, shaking in fear. Though she only heard about the various things Deadpool had done, she didn't want to meet him just yet, what with being the only human that was nigh invincible. She turned to her right as she heard a 'whoosh', and was meet by a finger poking her muzzle, making her scrunch. "Boop!" Confused, she moved her muzzle, then looked up, only to see Deadpool in front of her. He poked her muzzle again, another scrunch. "Boop!" Instead of focusing on her muzzle, Lily froze in fear, trembling as the Merc with the mouth sat next to her. Deadpool laughed and hugged her. "Aw! You're so cute!" Lilly struggled to get out of Deadpool's tight hug, but she was blinded by the sunlight as they teleported out of the orphanage to Ponyville's park. Deadpool dropped her and teleported away, returning with a picnic pattern blanket and basket in only seconds. He sat down, and though he wore his mask, Lily saw him with an anime cat-like smile. She sat down, though nervous, went along with the human's actions. "Uh... hi." she spoke sheepishly. "Hola! El nombre de Deadpool, y usted es Lilly calcetines largos, ¿verdad?" She blinked. "Uh... si?" "¡Excelente!" He opened the basket and gave Lily a plate, followed by a simple, hay sandwich with dandelions. He, on the other hand, pulled out a mouthwatering, freshly made- "What's that?" Lily stared and stood still in fear. "What's this!?" Deadpool asked "This, my filly friend, is the most epic creation that exists in any universe: La Chimichanga! Basically, it's a deep-fried burrito that's popular in Southwestern U.S. cuisine and the Mexican states of Sinaloa and Sonora. Typically prepared by filling a flour tortilla with a wide range of ingredients, most commonly rice, cheese, machaca, carne adobada, or shredded chicken, and folding it into a rectangular package. It is then deep-fried and can be accompanied with salsa, guacamole, sour cream, and cheese. If you want to know what it's like to be in heaven, this is the answer!" Using a fork and one of his swords, he cut off a small portion that had everything on it and handed it to the filly. "Try it!" Though she didn't want to, she took a bite out of it. Her mouth watered upon the taste, and she couldn't disagree, she really felt like she was in heaven. "This really is delicious!" she spoke "Told ya!" He ate the rest in less than a few seconds. "And that's how you eat the booty like groceries!" She tilted her head "...What?" "Some stupid song back home. I'm guessing that she actually kidnaps people to eat the booty like groceries, or she's a real fatty that eats too much." "O...kay?" "Anyways, I've seen what you're able to do, and I see the circumstance you were in." Her ears folded to the side with a noticeable blush. "You... you have?" "Indeed. That strength you have, it's unlike anything I've seen; lifting an entire schoolhouse for a bug without breaking a sweat?" "Um, it was for that one moment." "I know, but your strength is what's preventing you from finding a home, is it not?" Her head lowered. "Y-yes." "Freaks every interviewer out?" "Yes." "Try to hide it, but fail?" "...Yes." "Ah. Don't worry, lucky for you, I know someone that will take you in." Her head lifted up with perking ears. "Really!?" Deadpool teleported away, but returned with Maud Pie. "TA-DA!!!" Maud blinked slowly. "Why am I here?" she asked. "To meet your new daughter!!!" Maud looked at Lily. Lily blushed with her ears folded. "H-hi." Lily spoke sheepishly. Maud blinked, but stood up. "Sorry, I don't want any children." she walked away. Deadpool stood in front of her. "Hey! Give the filly a try." He ordered. "Lily! Show her your stuff." Lily nodded and went to a large boulder. She picked it up and, with a spin, she tossed the boulder high into the sky, disappearing into space. Maud blinked, but showed some interest. "Hm... interesting." Maud commented. "So~!?" Deadpool asked, leaning close to her face. Maud blinked. "...Alright, but for the month. If she's good enough... I guess I'll be her mother." "MOM!!!" Lily yelled, running and hugging Maud's barrel. Deadpool had another heart attack. The taco squad came to his side. "Another heart attack!" Pinkie exclaimed "Quickly! somepony! Help!" "I got it." Discord replied. He snapped, and Everyone was now in different costumes from a specific anime series. Both Maud & Lily wore matching yellow jumpsuits with red boots over their hooves & white capes, Discord was now an old man that knew Water Stream Rock Smashing Fist, Sonata was a ninja, Pinkie was in a black dress with a green mane, Fluffle Puff was in a dog costume, and Deadpool was in combat gear with a bike. If any of you have no idea what it is... you're no longer my friend! "Wow! Look at these costumes!!!" Lily exclaimed. "They're plain looking." Maud commented "I like it." The sky darkened as, towering over all of Equestria itself, was the dreaded planet eater himself, Galactus! SO? THIS IS WHERE MY HUNGER LEADS ME!? THIS WILL BE MUCH FASTER THAN BEFORE. Ah!!! Even his text is pink!!! At least he's not a stupid space cloud from that other fantastic 4 movie. Galactus extended his hand, releasing huge machines that would convert the planet into energy, as well as random servants straight from Marvel Ultimate Alliance "Oh boy! Action!" Deadpool spoke, pulling his sword out. "Yo! Hit the theme!!! "Lucky for you, we know Japanese." Discord replied Everyone used a mix of both their abilities and the anime character's abilities. Discord used both his chaotic and a new martial arts move, Pinkie was levitating everything and fired multiple party canons at the enemies, Sonata moved faster than the speed of sound as she sliced & used her singing voice, Fluffle Puff was toss around like a beachball, and Deadpool... he rode around in his bike while shooting at enemies. Both Maud and Lily looked up at Galactus, knowing what they had to do. "Let's make this quick." Maud spoke "Boulder needs to be feed." "Okay, mom." Lily replied. With a focused jump together, they both leapt to Galactus's face. A single punch was needed, as Galactus's head literally exploded from the sheer awesomeness of both mares punching. Somewhere else: Uatu watched as Galactus's head exploded. "... With all things done," he spoke to himself "I have never once imagined something being able to destroy the planet devourer himself. Whatever you did, Deadpool, keep it in check and use it to defeat Thanos when he comes for you." The door behind him opened, and another being came in. "Eh, don't worry about him." she spoke, snacking on a sandwich "I'm certain that he'll save both of our worlds through his craziness with some of his other friends through these... 'crossovers'." "I pray you are right. If he fails... then we may be next." "Heh, like that'll happen. Now, please, can you say it again?" "...No." "Please?" "No." "Pwetty pwease!?" "...Fine. Excelsior!" She giggled wildly. "Alright, now when's Season 6 coming out?" "When I say so." Equestria: Deadpool stood on the corpse of Galactus and pointed to the two mares in their costumes. "You two!" "Yeah?" Both spoke in unison. "I trust you both are now a family?" "Yes." "Good! To help you both together, you must do 100 PUSH-UPS, 100 SIT-UPS, 100 SQUATS, and a 10KM RUN!!! EVERY!!! SINGLE!!!DAY!!! ... That is all." Lily ran and gave Deadpool a hug. "Thank you for helping me find a family, Mr. Pool." she said, tearing up with happiness. "Will I see you again?" "When MrAquino says so, so... maybe at the end." Maud stepped next to her adopted daughter. "Come on," she spoke "let's go home." "Wait! Deapool?" Lily spoke. "Yes?" Deadpool asked. "Boop!" She booped him. Smoke smoldered everywhere, and everyone was covered in black dust with their manes blown back. "...Oops." Lily spoke. Hey, do you want to know something? What? Yesterday, MrAquino posted a sneak peek for Season 6 What happened? We see Cadence & Shining Armor's Baby. Deadpool's head grew back quickly. "THEIR BABY IS HERE!?!?!?" He got up and ran away with a fitting 0 to 100 "I WANNA SEE THE BABY!!!" Author's Note ─────────────────────────▄▀▄ ─────────────────────────█─█ ─────────────────────────█─█ ─────────────────────────█─█ ─────────────────────────█─█ ─────────────────────────█─█ ─────────────────────────█─▀█▀█▄ ─────────────────────────█──█──█ ─────────────────────────█▄▄█──▀█ ────────────────────────▄█──▄█▄─▀█ ────────────────────────█─▄█─█─█─█ ────────────────────────█──█─█─█─█ ────────────────────────█──█─█─█─█ ────▄█▄──▄█▄────────────█──▀▀█─█─█ ──▄█████████────────────▀█───█─█▄▀ ─▄███████████────────────██──▀▀─█ ▄█████████████────────────█─────█ ██████████───▀▀█▄─────────▀█────█ ████████───▀▀▀──█──────────█────█ ██████───────██─▀█─────────█────█ ████──▄──────────▀█────────█────█ Look, ███──█──────▀▀█───▀█───────█────█ Deadpool's back! ███─▀─██──────█────▀█──────█────█ ███─────────────────▀█─────█────█ ███──────────────────█─────█────█ ███─────────────▄▀───█─────█────█ ████─────────▄▄██────█▄────█────█ ████────────██████────█────█────█ █████────█──███████▀──█───▄█▄▄▄▄█ ██▀▀██────▀─██▄──▄█───█───█─────█ ██▄──────────██████───█───█─────█ ─██▄────────────▄▄────█───█─────█ ─███████─────────────▄█───█─────█ ──██████─────────────█───█▀─────█ ──▄███████▄─────────▄█──█▀──────█ ─▄█─────▄▀▀▀█───────█───█───────█ ▄█────────█──█────▄███▀▀▀▀──────█ █──▄▀▀────────█──▄▀──█──────────█ █────█─────────█─────█──────────█ █────────▀█────█─────█─────────██ █───────────────█──▄█▀─────────█ █──────────██───█▀▀▀───────────█ █───────────────█──────────────█ █▄─────────────██──────────────█ ─█▄────────────█───────────────█ ──██▄────────▄███▀▀▀▀▀▄────────█ ─█▀─▀█▄────────▀█──────▀▄──────█ ─█────▀▀▀▀▄─────█────────▀─────█ ─█─────────▀▄──▀───────────────█ Wow... almost a whole month with no Deadpool. And if you're wondering, I'm still open for crossovers, I just have a new policy where I'll make a new chapter if you, the crossover person, doesn't make a new chapter in 2 to 3 weeks. Parenting done right. Pony #140: Princess Flurry Heart. (Are you sure that's her name?)Deadpool arrived to the castle on... what the hell is that? A HOVERBOARD!!! It's not a hoverboard! What is it then? It's called a Monorover. "I call it a 'Vine-Board'!" Deadpool spoke. "Mostly because it became popular thanks to vine." ...Whatever. Deadpool traveled on the board to the Crystal Empire's castle, but stopped at the stairs. "Stairs!? NOOO!!!" Both Cadence and Shining Armor left the room with their baby. Two guards stood near the doorway, both holding spears in their hooves. "You two," Shining Armor ordered "You both stay here and make sure no one enters the room with our baby!" "Yes, your majesty." both spoke in unison. "And be on the lookout for Deadpool. If you see him, be prepared for anything. I don't want him messing with my daughter's head." "Yes, sir." Shining walked over to her wife. "Are you sure they can handle that man?" Cadence asked "You know how creative he is." "I know, but these are my best men. Nothing will get past them." They both left. Unbeknownst to either of them, Deadpool was hanging on the ceiling like- "Don't compare me as Peter." ... I was gonna say a ninja. "Oh... I'll accept that." Well, we better find a way to get past those two guards. Oh please! They're all as effective as Stormtroopers. "Hey! Don't spoil what we're going to do with Flurry Heart." Flurry Heart!? "I heard something!" One of the guards spoke "Show yourself!" Well, we failed at being sneaky. That's why we have a plan B. Activate Operation Spaghetti! Deadpool landed on the floor and pulled a boombox, playing an 8-Bit tune. Both guards were hypnotized by the tune, and both began to dance out of their will. The first guard did a stereotypical Russian dance while the other did the pumpkin dance. The two danced, yelling for help, but Deadpool laid the boombox away from the two and entered the room. A soundproof spell was around the room, and the baby's crib was in the back, at the middle between two clusters of crystals. Deadpool literally slithered his way to the crib and peeked at the baby inside: it was a filly with a light pink coat, a mane with the same color as Starlight Glimmer's, and a large head popped out of her forehead. The filly was asleep. D'aww!!! She's so cute!!! Indeed. She is adorable. I just wanna snuggle with her like a plushie! And I wouldn't be surprised if we did. Deadpool lifted the filly from her crib carefully. Flurry Heart blinked, but looked at Deadpool. She let out an adorable gurgle, lifting her forelegs up as any baby would. Deadpool scratched her tummy with his right index finger. "Gootchy goo! Gootchy goo!" He babbled. Flurry giggled at his actions. I CAN'T HANDLE IT!!! I'm already getting Type 3 Diabeetus!!! It's alright. What Baby song should we use? Player's 'Baby come back'? Sir-Mix-A-Lot's 'Baby got Back'? Justin Beiber's 'Baby'? Deadpool remained silent as he stroked Flurry's mane. The cloth she was in came off, showing her larger wings that would make Scootaloo jealous and feel inferior. Uh... why aren't we singing? This is usually the part where we sing! I believe... we're having an emotional moment. Emotional moment!? We should spread comedy, not the feels! Well, we can't be funny all the time. We're still human, afterall. What the-!? We're no human! We're- "Hush!" Deadpool spoke to his voices. He looked down at Flurry Heart, seeing her happily gurgling as she waved her hooves around. A tear fell down Deadpool's face. Are... are you crying? "...Yeah. So?" Why? We only cry when we're laughing hard. "Just... look at her; she's so young, new to this world... innocent in every way possible. Now, look at us; we're messed up in every way. She's looking up to me like a father, not judging me at all, for I wear this mask, literally and figuratively, to hide all the pains I hold behind me, to tell everyone 'Hey! I'm a funny guy! Laugh at me! I don't care what happens to me at all!'. If I take this mask off... she's going to fear me and ridicule me for what I am: A monster." ...maybe not. What? This is deep of us, and, who knows, maybe she won't be afraid of us. Many ponies who see us were freaked out, but they understand us. Deadpool sat quietly. He then reached behind and pulled off his mask. Flurry Heart stared at the tumor-like face of Wade silently, but smiled, reaching out for him. He couldn't help but smile, a waterfall of tears fell down his cheeks as he gave the filly a hug. Holy Sh-! Language! ...Cow! It worked! "It sure did." Deadpool spoke, crying, but with a warm smile. He pulled her away from him. "Now, Flurry Heart (if that's your name), I'll be watching over you as your guardian angel. And though I lack wings, magic... and a sense of morality with sanity, know that I will always be with you, no matter what!" Flurry Heart smiled again with some gurgling. "D-Dada." She spoke. HHHNNNGGG!!! HHHNNNGGG!!! Deadpool had another heart attack, but quickly got up from it. He pulled out a large book, placing the young princess on his lap. "Okay, Flurry Heart. This is a timeless story, one that is remembered by all back where I came from, but was ruined with the so called 'Special Editions'. This, is Star Wars, Episode IV: A new Hope. Or, as I call it: Star Wars, before the Lucasing." He cleared his throat. "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away..." 9 Hours later Nighttime just arrived as Luna's moon rose with Celestia's sun dissapearing over the horizon. Cadence and Shining Armor arrived to see their child, but gasped at the sight of the two guards dancing in their sleep with the music still played. Shining Armor budged into their room. "Alright!" He yelled "Who's-!" "Shh!" Deadpool shushed. "We're finishing the final chapter." The room was decorated with Star Wars merchandise, from posters, to action figures, blankets, and, as an added bonus, Flurry Heart's crib was now the Millennium Falcon. Flurry Heart was nearly asleep, but Deadpool finished. "With the Emperor gone, the Empire destroyed, the second Death Star in bits & pieces, and Darth Vader finally redeemed, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Han Solo, Chwebacca, Lando Calrisian, C-3P0 & R2-D2, and the galaxy was now in peace. The End." He closed the book as Flurry Heart closed her eyes. "Good Night, my little princess, and may the force be with you. When you're older, I'll read you the next trilogy by J.J. Abrahms." He leaned closer to her ear. "Spoiler Alert: Han Solo Dies." He gently placed her in the ship-crib, pulling a Chewbacca plushie and gave it to her. She accepted it and cuddled with it, snoring peacefully. Deadpool turned to the couple, surprised at not only how the room changed, but how Deadpool was like a parent. "Please, for all that's good in the world and for her sake, don't show her the Prequels!" "Uh... we won't." Cadence replied, though confused. "Oh thank goodness! Ruin her childhood, I wish not to happen." "O... kay." Shining Armor spoke, also confused. Deadpool teleported behind them. "Now, if you excuse me, I have to battle against Boba Fett!" He put on his mask and grabbed a Mic. "Let's hope he's good with the mic as he is with his blaster." He teleported away. Both Cadence and Shining Armor stared at each other, but Deadpool came back. "He won." He teleported away again. Author's Note See! That's how you parent kids the right way! I just hope Flurry Heart has an important role in the show next season. APPALOOSA!!! All the buffalo and Ponies # 141 & 142: Granny Smith and BraeburnAt the break of dawn, Applejack, Applebloom, Big Mac, and their granny arrived at the town of Appaloosa. "Heh, we made it, Granny!" Applejack spoke to the wagon they pulled. "Up and At 'em, Granny!" "Uh wha?" the voice of an elderly mare spoke "I'ma comin'." "Same thing here!" Another voice spoke. "What the-!?" Applebloom yelled. Deapool's head popped out of the back of the wagon, sweating and panting hard. "I gotta say... you really were something, Granny Smith." "M-hm," the elderly mare replied, sticking her head out, also sweating. "I may be old, but I still got some moves." "Oh, that I can't deny!" "Ready for another Round?" "Hell yeah!" They both entered the covers again and the wagon shook with the sound of the two moaning. Applejack's cheeks perked with a green, Big Mac's eyes widened & pupils shrunk, and Applebloom just had a curious look. "Is Deadpool hurting Granny?" Applebloom asked. "OH F**K YEAH!!!" Deadpool finished. The two popped out, sweating hard, holding out an apple pie. "You sure help made the pies so easy." Granny Smith commented. "Yeah! Pie making is awesome!" He turned to the apples. "What? You seriously thought I was doing it with Granny? Her hips would break!" He teleported out, wearing a... sexy cowboy outfit. N***a, you gay! Hey! Don't use the N-word. But we're cowboys. This is part of history! And that makes it worse. "Oh boy! Appaloosa!!!" Deadpool spoke. "Time to prove my inner Western! Texas Stereotype: Commence!!!" He dissapeared and reappered in the town, wearing his other Cowboy suit. He turned to see the handsome S.O.B. himself, Braeburn. I have the strangest boner right now. This for some stallion? You're gay. A Western tune was played by a pony band nearby, and, through the eyes of the Mercernary, the whole thing became an old Western movie. "This town ain't big for the two of us." He spoke in a familiar gritty voice. "Oh! Howdy Stranger, ain't seen you here before." Braeburn spoke "Ah'd like to welcome you to the town of-" "When the clock bangs at 12, draw!" "... Beg your pardon? Ah rest assure you that there's enough space for you, good sir. Tell me, what's your-" The clock in the town banged loudly. "DRAW!!!" Deadpool pulled out twin revolvers and fired at the stallion! Braeburn ducked down, though his hat was struck by the bullets, leaving multiple holes in and around it. Just like a machine gun, complete with noise, Deadpool fired wildly at Braeburn's spot. Multiple holes now occupied the side of the building, and the town's folks scattered in panic, screaming their heads off. After what felt like an hour, the firing stopped, and Braeburn peeked his head out, shivering in fear at what just happened. "Aw man! I have the worst aim in history!!!" I guess that's why you use machine guns. HA!!! Stormtroopers have a better aim than you! "Damn, you're right." He threw a bag of Money at Braeburn. "Heep your stinkin' money!!!" He teleported away, landing onto the clock tower. He looked around, seeing the orchard of apples, and a traveling dust trail. Look out! Darude Sandstorm!!! No, it's a stampede. "Ooh! Buffalo!!!" Deadpool teleported at least a mile away from the upcoming stampede and set up a camera. "Hi, I'm Deadpool, and welcome to Jackass. Hit the theme!!!" He turned, screamed, and ran for his life from the upcoming Buffalo stampede. He tripped and jumped into the air, landing on a buffalo's back. The buffalo tried to shake him off, but Deadpool held onto it's horn, acting like a cowboy on a bucking horse. Unfortunately, his cockiness failed him, and he fell off, followed by the pain of being stampeded by all of the buffalo running. He wheezed as he healed from the trampling, but was meet by the calf, Strongheart, herself. "Are you okay?" She asked. "Never been better." Deadpool replied. "Just give me a moment." He jumped right back up, fully healed, but he teared up as some of the buffalo stomped on his... tenders. "Oh Christ-all-mighty... that hurts. Where's your camp?" "That way." He turned around to see that the camp was just a foot away. "...Why didn't I see that?" "Who are you, sir?" "Oh! I'll tell you who I am!" He readjusted his cowboy outfit and pulled a guitar out. "Fallout 4 joke." He played the song and hypnotized the Buffalo with his music, leading them to Appaloosa, where the residents were preparing for the annual Apple family reunion, and fixing the building Deadpool shot down. "♫Oh well, I'm the type of guy who will never settle down Where pretty girls are well, you know that I'm around I kiss 'em and I love 'em 'cause to me they're all the same I hug 'em and I squeeze 'em they don't even know my name They call me the wanderer Yeah, the wanderer I roam around, around, around Oh well, there's Flo on my left and there's Mary on my right, And Janie is the girl with that I'll be with tonight. And when she asks me, "which one I love the best?" I tear open my shirt I got Rosie on my chest 'Cause I'm the wanderer Yeah, the wanderer I roam around, around, around Oh well, I roam from town to town I go through life without a care And I'm as happy as a clown I with my two fists of iron and I'm going nowhere I'm the type of guy that likes to roam around, I'm never in one place, I roam from town to town! And when I find myself fallin' for some girl, I hop right into that car of mine and ride around the world! Yeah I'm the wanderer Yeah, the wanderer I roam around, around, around♫" The crowd was hypnotized by the music, and everything was fixed immediately. "♫Oh yeah, I'm the type of guy that likes to roam around I'm never in one place, I roam from town to town And when I find myself a-fallin' for some girl I hop right into that car of mine and drive around the world Yeah, 'cause I'm a wanderer Yeah, a wanderer I roam around, around, around 'Cause I'm a wanderer Yeah, a wanderer I roam around, around, around 'Cause I'm a wanderer Yeah, a wanderer♫" The crowd shook themselves off as the song ended, finding Appaloosa to be cleaned up and fixed beyond damage. "Thank you so much for listening!" Deadpool spoke in a microphone "I'll be here for the next reunion! Or, at least, probably away from the ponified version of Brokeback mountain here." He pointed at Braeburn. "So I'll see ya!" He looked at his watch. "HOLY S**T!!! A WEEK UNTIL MY MOVIE COME OUT!!!" And with that, he ran away with fast music. Author's Note Check out my top 10 Deadpool Appearances in hype for the movie. Fernando, Tom, Boulder, Bloomberg and Boneless... what am I even doing?Deadpool sat next to Fernando, the straw Pinkie had in her mane that was part of her straw collection. Fernando was... it's a straw. "A white, bendy straw!" Deadpool spoke. Why the hell are we even with a straw? Becasue he's Fernando! ... It's a f**king straw! "A straw with a name! And an old western, Mexican theme." ...Yeah. And why are we next to a boulder, a pebble, a tree, and a rubber chicken? They're our friends! There's Tom, Boulder, Bloomberg, and Boneless! Didn't... boneless turn into a key? "This is boneless #2! And it's pronounced 'Number 2', not 'Hashtag 2'." I think they know, already. Hey! There's always that girl on Twitter too much. "Anyways... So! How are you guys, doing!? Fernando? How's Pinkie?... Really!? Strange! Did you know that, Bloomberg?... You do!?" Okay, now this is getting out of hand. No it isn't! We're having a philosophical discussion about the inevitability of life and death. We're talking to things that don't even talk! But isn't silence the best form of loudest? That makes no sense! "Hush! Both of you! Now, Boulder, your feeling on Maud? How's the Fant4stic's Thing doing? Is he still weeping over his missing d**k?... He died? Eh, no one's going to miss him, am I right, guys!? ... Heh! I knew you'd all agree! Bloomberg, I know this will sound weird, but is Braeburn gay? ... Oh, he's just flamboyant? I guess that's why he yells Appaloosa all the time. Care for some tea?" He quickly teleported away and came back with warm tea for the 'party'. He idly sipped his. "Ah, nice, warm, relaxing tea. You know my movie's almost out, right guys?" You and the author have been all over it. "True, but that's because we're FINALLY getting the treatment we deserve! Plus, a sequel and an X-Force film? One that I'm sure we're going to kick hard in both DC's and Suicide Squad's balls in? Count me in. F**k that Jarred Leto Joker, but I'll go out with that Harley Quin. Raow!!!" Amen, brother! F**king pigs. Like you haven't seen any hot chicks before. I have, but I'm never that thirsty. "Speaking of which! Fernando, this is weird, but... does Pinkie have a ... you know... thing for me? ... Only for Cheese Sandwich? Well... I shouldn't be too surprised since they sang together. Such a lovely couple, those two. ...What do you mean, Boulder!? Of course I'm proud of them! They're going to have the best kids with highly functioning ADHD, like me! ... Well of course I'm going enjoy being with them. I'm great with kids! I'm just not family-friendly, that's all." No kidding. "What was that, Tom? ... How's Rarity doing? She's fine and all,she's-what? ... I think she's single. ... Perhaps later, but please, don't turn into some guy I meet at the creepo depot store that one time. ...Yes, trust me on it, Tom. Man, you five guys are awesome! Why haven't you said anything, Boneless? ... Oh, shy one, aren't you? Well, what was it like being with Cheese Sandwich?... Exciting? All those parties you go to seem fun, eh?... He goes to those parties!? Strange, tell me, as you-?" Alright, F**k it! MrAquino's going to the midnight premier!!! "What!?" Oh sh- "YOU BAST-" END OF CHAPTER!!! Author's Note YES!!! I'M GOING TO THE MIDNIGHT PREMIERE!!! Let's get this started. P.S. Awesome that the same guys that made this are making the film's version! So 20% Cooler knowing it's by the originals rather than some other guys!!! It's gonna be awesome!!! Unicorns are horny. Ponies # 143 & 144: Fancy Pants and Fleur De LisAuthor's Note Unicorns are horny. Ponies # 143 & 144: Fancy Pants and Fleur De Lis In the streets of Canterlot, two of the higher class citizens walked along the streets, not minding a lot. The stallion in the suit with the fancy mustache, Fancy Pants, walked next to his wife, Fleur De Lis, another unicorn with equal white fur with a light pink mane & tail. They both heard moaning coming from an alleyway. Turning, they saw the back of Deadpool, his right arm moving fast. "Oh yeah!" Deadpool yelled "Get it! GET IT!!! OH GOD!!! I'M ALMOST THERE!!!" "Sir?" Fancy pants asked. Deadpool screamed and turned around, showing that he was cleaning his boot. HAHAHA!!! You thought we were making love to ourselves!!! And not the Justin Beiber type. "Are you... cleaning your boot?" Fleur asked "Of course!" Deadpool replied, holding a rag and rubbing the boot clean. "With my time here, I need my boots clean. See? Clea~n!" "Excuse me, but aren't you the lad, Deadpool?" Fancy Pants asked "I am indeed, good sir!" Deadpool put on a top hat, mustache, and monocle "Sir Deadpool of Earth Number Whatever and Mercenary for hire, at your service." "A mercenary with a sense of taste? Quite odd, wouldn't you agree?" "Indeed." Fleur added "And you're not here to-" "Oh, I am not, my good madam." Deadpool interrupted. "Fancy Pants is already one of the only good stallions that I'd hang out with and you... eh, F**k it, you're sexy as F**K!!!" Both were reeled back. "I beg your pardon!" Deadpool teleported around Fleur, pointing all the things about her. "Just look at how skinny you are! Them hooves! That Mascara! The way your mane looks so elegant! Dat ass! And you're rich!!!" "Is that... a horn below your waist?" Fancy pants asked "Oh no! This is something else!" He teleported away with Fleur, both now in the park. Deadpool had Fleur in his gasp, both looking like they were tango dancing. "So~? Want to know my real superpower? It just requires you pulling down my zipper." Fleur gave Deadpool a disgusted look. "Oh don't worry... I'll be gentle." He was followed by a knife stabbing into the side of his head. "...Ow." He dropped Fleur, though she did a backflip. Deadpool looked up to see her holding a sword in her magic. "What? What the hell? Am I-?" "You know, it's not easy living amongst the elites." She spoke "Sure, you get to attend expensive parties, eat exotic foods, and get your hooves on the luxuries that the common ponies cannot even imagine. But all of these come with a price, A price I'd rather not have. So why-" Deadpool ripped the knife from his head. "Oh! I read that comic! I f**king knew it! You're a member of the royal guard!" "Yes! And if there's one thing I hate more than anyone hurting my Fancy Pants, it's brutes like you that... go wild for me!" "Baby, I'm even more turned on than before." "I am going to ignore that and, instead, I'm going to make sure that you're unconscious in this conflict!" "Ooh! And I'll be sure to have fun when you're not knocked out! Don't worry, people reading this. I ain't Bill Cosby; I allow them to fight first, along with no drugging them at all." The supposed fancy mare charged at Deadpool with a standard Canterlot sword, and Deadpool back with his twin Katanas. Their swords clashed, and the two jumped back before clashing their swords together! Despite being a unicorn and not having hands, Fleur stood up to Deadpool's attacks, showing a great knowledge of sword combat in defense, offense, and parrying. Fancy Pants came to see them fighting. "Darling!?" He asked in shock "Are you... fighting again!?" Deadpool teleported away and landed on the fancy stallion's back. "Back off!" Deadpool yelled "I'm gonna do it!" "Kill my Fancy pants and I'll rip your head off!!!" Fleur yelled "Kill him!? No! I'm crazy, but I'm not a psychopath!" Yes, you are. Ooh! Ooh! Are we going to do it! "What are you going to do with the me!?" Fancy Pants asked nervously. "THIS!!!" Deadpool began to... oh God... Really!? "Yes!!! Stroke the horn!!! Stroke it like a-" "Oh~! That feels... go~od!" Fleur gave a curious look. "What are you even doing?" she asked "Taming Unicorns 101!" Deadpool replied "Horns are a unicorn's greatest weapon, but also their worst defense!" He teleported him and Fancypants next to Fluer. While stroking one horn, he grabbed the other and... stroked both. "What!? Jealous I can use both hands, if you get what I mean?" HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! This is so stupid. Both unicorns moaned as Deadpool stroked their horns; gentle, yet firm, he speed up. "Come on!" He spoke "Hit the climax! You can both do it!!!" Their moaning became louder, and everypony else stood and stared at what was happening. Some unicorns looked at their horn and tried to stroke it, but without hands, they didn't get the same experience. The couple's horns glowed as they moaned much louder and Deadpool stroked harder and faster! "Yes! Come on!!! We're almost there!!!" We should've bought some Lube! We should've bought a room. The couple were pretty much screaming as their horns were glowing bright enough for some ponies nearby to wear sunglasses, and Deadpool's hands, going so fast, they were on fire! "YES!!! FIRE AWAY!!!" The two fired large beams of magic from their horns, both heading into space! The firing lasted for a good 10 seconds, but when it ended, both Fancy Pants and Fleur fell to the floor, panting hard, feeling tired. I wonder where those beams of magic will go? Perhaps on someone we hate. Or they may like it! ... Why did I even ask? Thanos stood proudly at the two statues of Death he made, both made out of the bones of his enemies. "Yes! After many years, they're completed! Now Death will truly love me!!!" Both beams of Magic landed on the statues and blew it up, turning the bones into a mix of white & clear paste. Thanos stood there, smiling, but his left eye twitched. Some music was heard behind him, which he turned around to see one of his followers playing on the violin. "STOP THAT!!!" He jumped back and put away the instrument. "Uh, sir?" one of them asked "Is this what I think it is?" "No. It's liquified bones." "...Are you sure? It kinda smells like-" "IT ISN'T!!!" Both Fancy Pants and Fleur slept on the floor together. Aw! They're sleeping together! After what just happened, they deserved it. "Hey! Once you start, you can't stop!" He picked the two up with his new Anchor arms and teleported away, placing them in bed together, taking a quick selfie, then returned to the park. "10 bits for what they experienced!!!" All the unicorns held up their bags of bits, wanting the same experience! This is so wrong. But it feels so ri~ght!!! "18 plus only!!! And, to the audience at home, if you're wondering, this is a minor spoiler for my movie, so watch it and see what I'm referencing! And, if you must know, yes, that just happened, and I'm going to give Arnold Schwarzenegger a run for his money!" But what about the others? Others? We're suppose to take selfies with everyone else. "Oh S**T!!! Give me a moment, everypony! MONTAGE!!!" Werstling's fake!!! Prob. Only Minotaur: Iron WillInside the middle of a labyrinth, another stallion was brought down by the Minotaur in the ring himself, Iron Will. All around the ring were other ponies and other creatures, watching and cheering as another stallion was taken away from some broken bones in their body. With the audience was Deadpool, and with him, Sunset Shimmer. "Why did you bring me here?" Sunset asked the masked assassin. "You love wrestling, right?" Deadpool asked "Luchador wrestling is what I love. This... this is just brutal!" "You wanna teach that bull a lesson?" "No, but I bet that you can't beat him." "HA!!! Challenge Accepted!" "Without your sword." Deadpool unsheathed his swords. "Done." "And your other weapons." Dropped his guns. "Check." "AND without your teleportation." He stood up and took his belt off. His belt fell, showing that his entire suit was actually a Onsie. "Any other challenges?" "... Beat him, and... I'll pay for whatever you want." Sweet! We're gonna be ballin'!!! I'll be here to mock you when we're knocked unconscious. Iron Will stood in the ring, holding a microphone. "Who here has the strength and courage to up against the great Iron Will!?!?!?" "I do!" Deadpool announced. "I, El Deadpoolio, will battle against you, Voluntad de hierro!!!" "HA!!! You!? A weakling!? Going against me!? I have no idea what you said, but I'm going to make you eat those words!!!" "Ven a mi hermano. Hit it." Deadpool delivered the first punch. Iron Will did not even flinch, but shook his head in disapproval. He took it like Cable! And The Hulk... And Colossus! Hey! Spoilers!!! Deadpool delivered another punch to Minotaur's face. Again, no flinch, but he flexed his muscles, showing just how buff he was! "That's it!" Deadpool yelled "I'm gonna slap the b***h outta you!" He swung his hand to slap his Opponent, but Iron Will not only blocked it with one arm, but grabbed Deadpool by his neck with the other, lifted him, and slammed him onto the floor! OUR SPLEEN!!! OUR BACK!!! "MY LEG!!!" The crowd cheered again and began to throw random objects. Deadpool got up quickly, picked up a Tiki Torch, and smacked it across Iron Will's face as he cheered, smacking him with it until it broke. Iron Will growled and lunged for Deadpool, who had the brains to duck and dropkick behind the Minotaur. Both stood right up, but Deadpool jumped onto Iron Will's back, punching him across the face while leading him to one of the corners. On the corner, Iron Will leaned on it, looking as if he were sitting, but Deadpool stood on the Minotaur's legs, preparing his right hand for punches. And he did, with the crowd counting. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10!!! Deadpool jumped off at the 10 as Iron got off, dazed and confused. The Merc then tossed Iron Will out of the ring. He got up, only to see Deadpool celebrating by doing the Dolar Dandy. Iron Will became furious and charged back in, then charged after Deadpool. Deadpool pulled out a cape from out of nowhere. "Toro! Toro!!!" He taunted. Iron Will charged, but Deadpool dodged. "Olé!!!" He then picked up... Oh God. We call it Genysis!!! Why? Because they both BLOW!!! ...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Deadpool... with the doll... swung it at Iron Will until it popped on one of his horns. Another dodge, another dropkick from behind, and another lead to a corner, Deadpool attempted to punch Iron Will in the face again, only for him to grab his punching hand. Rather than giving up, Deadpool kicked the Minotaur in the Nards, turned him upside down with his legs stuck in the ropes, and charged, drop kicking his exposed chest. Iron Will got up again, but was punched out of the ring again. He got up again, where Deadpool had... okay! How the hell do you have a shark!?!?!? What? Mad 'cause it bites? Nah, it's probably because of all these s*****y shark movies ...Okay. Deadpool did the dodge again, lead Iron Will to a corner, headbutted himself into Iron Will's chest six times, threw him to the middle of the ring, climbed & stood on the corner, and leaped, elbow dropping Iron Will, holding him down. The crowd counted to three with a weak Iron Will, and Deadpool won! THAT WAS AWESOME!!! Just wait for the interview. The interview itself involved Deadpool saying 'Yeah' with a random pony interviewer, flexing whenever the interviewer commented on him, and posing for the cameras. Deadpool walked out to Iron will, holding a stash of cash. "Thanks for letting me win." Deadpool spoke. "Anytime." Iron Will replied, taking the cash away. "You gonna join my seminars?" "Hm... maybe someday, but I've got many things to do." "Fair enough. See ya, Deadpool!" He left. "Oh, you really thought I beat Iron Will in a wrestling match? Oh please, this is the ponified version of WWE, so of course the fighting's going to be fake. Of course, I do appreciate the Saints Row 3's Murder Brawl XXXI reference, even if it from the lowest rated Saints row game." A portal opened in front of Deadpool. "Ooh! Swirly!!!" Hey! It smells... good! Smells like... Tacos! "TACOS!!!" He jumped into the portal. Sunset came in, but the portal disappeared. She sniffed the air. "What smells like tacos?" she asked herself. "Great, now I want tacos." One of the lockers opened, revealing Sonata was inside. "You too!?" she asked. "...Why me?" Deadpool landed in the kitchen of a Mexican restaurant. "I REQUIRE ALL YOUR DELICIOUS TACOS!!!" Deadpool announced. The ponies screamed and ran away! "Aw! Come on!!! I didn't even take my mask off!!! And everyone loves me!" I don't. And neither does everyone back home. "You and they are exceptions! The readers love me, though! Now, let's get us some Tacos!!!" He opened a pantry and an avalanche of tacos fell on him. He popped his head out. "SWEET!!! JACKPOT!!!" He removed his underside of his mask and scarfed down the tacos he was under. This lasted for a good half hour, but he heard something outside. "SPD, Emergency!" "THE F**K!?" Author's Note To be continued in SPD Emergency. Anyone seen Zootopia yet?Deadpool came out of another from his adventure with a certain individual, sporting a wig, wearing a bra, and bikini. "♫I kissed a dog and I liked it!♫" He sang "♫Hope my girlfriends won't mind it. It felt so wrong, it felt so right, I won't be in love tonight! I kissed a dog and I liked it! I liked it!♫" That... That's just wrong. Hey, why weren't we in that chapter!? Perhaps it's because both authors didn't feel we were necessary. UNNECESSARY!?!?!? Why those little pieces of sh-! Deadpool was suddenly tackled from behind. Rather than feeling more pain afterwards, he felt himself being slobbered by something, which only made him laugh. "Winona! Get off 'im!" Applejack's voice hollered from a distance. "Bark!" The barking of a dog replied, getting off Deadpool. "Really? You have to add dialogue for animals now?" Deadpool asked. He turned to see Applejack with her brown & white Collie, Winona, licking the mare's face. Aw! A puppy! Don't sing that song around those two. Applejack turned to Deadpool. "Sorry about that," she spoke "Winona ain't meet you yet, and she gets super excited around strangers." "Eh, no worries." Deadpool replied "So, where are you and your pooch off to?" "Our Pony-pet playdates." "Ooh! Can I join!?" "...You ain't got a pet." "I beg to differ." He pulled out a cellphone and dialed a number. "Bring 'im!" A portal opened and Dogpool entered, tackling Deadpool, slobbering all over his face. "HAHAHA!!! Wilson! Stop that! That tickles!!!" Wilson got off and sat on it's hindquarters, panting hard. Deadpool stood up, wiping the slobber off his face. "Bam! I have a pet! Can I join now?" "...Uh... well... you ain't... a pony." Deadpool stared. A.J. backed off a bit and walked away. "...Fine. Come on, Wilson! We'll show them... first thing in the morning!" Morning. Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie all gathered together in Sugarcube Corner, having themselves some cupcakes. Everyone was silent, especially Pinkie "...So~," Twilight spoke, breaking the silence. "Anypony seen Owlicious?" "...Nope." Rianbow Dash replied "What about Tank? Anypony saw Tank fly around early? Rarity?" "I may wake up early," Rarity replied "but no, I haven't. I do wonder where's Opal? Fluttershy?" "Oh! Opal wasn't around this morning," Fluttershy spoke "and neither was Angel Bunny. A.J.?" "I ain't seen Angel around mah farm." Applejack "If he was, Winona would've found 'im already! ... And she's gone too. Pinkie-" The door opened wide and both Celestia and Luna stood there, looking worried. "Where's Philomena!?" Celestia asked "Fluttershy! You took care of my bird, where is she!?" "And where's Tiberius!?" Luna added "I can't let Tiby be hurt!" "Something tells me this is Deadpool's work." Pinkie spoke. Everyone froze, then sighed in annoyance. "Deadpool." Everyone but Pinkie spoke in unison. "Hey! I just said that!" "GET-EM-OFF!!! GET EM OFF!!! GET EM OFF!!!" Deadpool screamed. Last night, Deadpool petnapped all of the pets of the Mane 6 and the princesses themselves. Being the idiot he is, he should've known that these animals had some brains, and weren't afraid to hurt someone that kidnapped them, and that would be Deadpool himself. On his head, Opal the cat was clawing at it; having his right hand in it's mouth was Gummy the Alligator; Pecking at his ears on both of his shoulders was the owl, Owlicious, & the Phoenix, Philomena; biting onto his legs was Tiberious, the possum, Winona the dog, Angel Bunny, and Tank the Turtle. Tortoise. Same difference! "GET THEM OFF!!!" Deadpool continued to scream. That is why we packed the laser pointer, remember?. "LASER POINTER!!!" With his left hand, Deadpool pulled a laser pointer out and aimed it at a wall. All the pets stopped and ran to the wall, trying to capture the red dot. Deadpool healed quickly, sighed in relief, and chuckled. "Heh... animals are stupid." Now what are we gonna do? Probably going to do the same chapter with Tom & Boulder. Really? How? "Like this!" Deadpool, in a blink of an eye, had a fancy table set up with all the animals sitting down in their own table, all wearing suits, top hats, and monocles over their right eye. Tea was set up in the middle, as well as fancy cakes, along with an ice sculpture of Deadpool b***h slapping an unconscious Wolverine "Aw... good times. So, allow me to introduce myself; Deadpool, Merc with the mouth, Mercenary for hire! We all have you, the pets of the Mane 6 and royal princess sisters. So~, Winona, how's life at the farm?" "Ruff!" Winona barked "Ah, I can tell. Applejack yell at you a lot?" "Who?" Owlicious hooted. "...Applejack." "Who?" "The farm pony? Twilight's friend?" "Who." "...Never mind. Philomena? Have a favorite artist?" "Sqwuaw!" The phoenix squawked. "Fetty Wap? Huh... Never saw you as someone that'd enjoy rap like that. Do you even know what he's saying?" Tank the Tortoise coughed. "Oof! Sounds like you need some medicine there, Tank. That, or you need to stop hanging around rats!" Tiberius chattered at him. "Oh, I didn't mean you, Tiberius. You're an Opossum, not a rat; you're much cooler than one! Speaking of rats! Opal, I'm not quite sure if you do or don't, but what do you think of Rarity?" "Raow." Opal meowed. "Ooh! Dirty kitty! All because she's still technically naked? Prefer her in the nude rather than wearing clothes?" Angel tapped his foot impatiently. "Oh, and what do you want, spawn of Satan?" Angel pointed at Fluttershy's house. "Oh! Wanna go home and be a total a**hole to Fluttershy? That it? You know, you're the worst bunny ever! Really! I swear, were it not, SPOILERS, for that sheep in Zootopia, you could be the villain! And I mean it! Judy Hopps is the bunny I wanna hang out with more, and she's a cop! You are the epiphany of all that is evil!" "You said it, Mermaid man! In fact, here's a gift!" He pulled out the Holy Hand Grenade "I should pull the pin and blow you into smithereens! Gummy! Have any words of wisdom before blowing the devil up!?" Certainly the most destructive vice if you like, that a person can have. More than pride, which is supposedly the number one of the cardinal sins - is self pity. Self pity is the worst possible emotion anyone can have. And the most destructive. It is, to slightly paraphrase what Wilde said about hatred, and I think actually hatred's a subset of self pity and not the other way around - ' It destroys everything around it, except itself '. Self pity will destroy relationships, it'll destroy anything that's good, it will fulfill all the prophecies it makes and leave only itself. And it's so simple to imagine that one is hard done by, and that things are unfair, and that one is underappreciated, and that if only one had had a chance at this, only one had had a chance at that, things would have gone better, you would be happier if only this, that one is unlucky. All those things. And some of them may well even be true. But, to pity oneself as a result of them is to do oneself an enormous disservice. I think it's one of things we find unattractive about the american culture, a culture which I find mostly, extremely attractive, and I like americans and I love being in america. But, just occasionally there will be some example of the absolutely ravening self pity that they are capable of, and you see it in their talk shows. It's an appalling spectacle, and it's so self destructive. I almost once wanted to publish a self help book saying 'How To Be Happy by Stephen Fry : Guaranteed success'. And people buy this huge book and it's all blank pages, and the first page would just say - ' Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself - And you will be happy '. Use the rest of the book to write down your interesting thoughts and drawings, and that's what the book would be, and it would be true. And it sounds like 'Oh that's so simple', because it's not simple to stop feeling sorry for yourself, it's bloody hard. Because we do feel sorry for ourselves, it's what Genesis is all about. Deadpool stared. "...Wow... that's... something." Deadpool "I think I'll get around that much faster than the Architect's monologue in the Matrix Reloaded. Fine, Angel, you get to live another day, but don't-" "There he is!!!" Applejack yelled. "TIME TO GO!!!" He ran away, letting out various 'whoops' before teleporting away. He landed near an open field, where another portal opened and- "Hey! Another Crossover, already!?" ...Yes. "Alright, who's it for?" I don't want to say. "Can I at least get a hint?" ...Fine. It's a Sci-Fi thing that was popular with the kids in the early 2000's- "TOY STORY!!!" ...What? Deadpool, where did you get that? "What? This fully functional Buzz Lightyear suit that I got from NASA? Let's just say that I had to get the money from a certain Rapper that wanted to run for President in 2020, and-" You stole if from Kanyew West!?!?!? "Hey, can't let him have all that power. THROUGH THE PORTAL!!!" He walked through the portal and landed in the other world. It looked like Ponyville in every single way. He activated his wrist command "Deadpool: Mission Log 4072, I have a path past sector 12 and am in a new Dimension. Terrain seems a bit stable, though I'm not sure if the air is breathable; and there seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere." "Sahsa, that you?" A voice asked. "Oh! Showtime!" Author's Note To be continued in For the Emperor and the UNSC Some G1-ness. Ponies #145-150: Surprise, Firefly, Posey, Sparkler, Twilight Velvet, and... Applejack?Deadpool reentered his world but was free falling next to a huge mountain. "OH S**T!" He said to himself "This is gonna hurt." Like when we got it stuck in the zipper? "Hey! That was different!" Agreed. Sorta like going in without our guns on accident. "That' also different!" He heard some flapping next to him. On his Left was- "I'll handle this. What the-!? What are you both!? A Pink, Rainbow Dash Clone? And a white Pinkie clone... with wings?" "Hey!" The Pinke Dash yelled "Who ya' calling a clone? The Name's Firefly, One of the fastest fliers in Equestria!" "And I'm Surprise!" The Pinkie Pie Look-a-like replied "Hey! I'm not a Pinkie Pie Look-a-like! I am WAY older than that girl!" "...Does he do that a lot?" "Like it's going out of style." "...Ya know," Firefly spoke "You're still free falling. You can die." "Right!" Deadpool continued "You gals have a spare?" "Not me, but Surprise does." Yeah, but I don't think you want it." Surprise taunted. "I do! I do!" Deadpool begged "Give it to me!" "I think you better let him have it." Firefly spoke. "Okay, Doc," Surprise replied "Whatever you say, here's the spare." She pulled out a bag labeled 'Spare' and gave it to Deadpool. "Thank you!" Deadpool spoke. Both Pegasi landed on a nearby cloud and watched. Deadpool opened the bag, only for a spare tire be pulled out. "Oh no! AAAAHHHHH~~~~!!!" "Ha! Good one, Surprise!" Firefly nudged. "Ain't I a stinker?" She replied, nomming on a carrot. Deadpool splatted on the floor. He healed quickly and pulled his head from the floor. "Look, mom! I'm roadkill!" He said to no one in particular... only to then realize that four other ponies were in front of him, each looking like someone from the mane 6. "Oh my stars!" A blue rarity with a purple & magenta mane exclaimed "Who is that!?" "Oh dear," a wingless Fluttershy with flowers instead of butterflies for a cutie mark spoke. "Are you alright, sir?" "Hold on!" A pink Twilight with a white & purple striped mane spoke "He just healed fast! That's unnatural!" "Darn tootin'!" A hat-less Applejack spoke "That's the feller Deadpool!" "Deadpool!?" Everyone exclaimed, Surprise and Firelfy landing with them. "Ha! I knew it!" Firefly spoke "I knew that he was Deadpool!" "And I only knew because of the title." Surprise added. Deadpool pulled himself off of the ground. "That's right!" He said, pointing to himself. "Deadpool's my name and being featured is my game! I see I already meet two of your squad members here, the Pegasi, but let me guess," He pointed to each of the correct ponies. "You're Twilight Velvet, Posey, Sparkler, and... you are?" "...Applejack." the other Applejackl replied. "...Huh... I was expecting something different. Who are these bozos? And how do we know them? That's because they're the original Mane 6. "Exactly, Stuffy," Surprise spoke, walking next to Deadpool "Lauren Faust specifically made us as the original mane 6, since we were the ponies she grew up with. Of course, Hasbro had to change a lot of things to fit for their demographic, with Applejack being the sxception, though, as you can tell, she's not wearing a hat as the Applejack you know." Deadpool and the other ponies stared in silence. ... I don't know whether to applaud... or scream. "Don't need to. Afterall, everyone knows you're just a blender of Wolverine, Spider-Man, Snake Eyes, and Deathstroke." "Hey!" Deadpool yelled "My film is loved more than 3/4 of their movies combined! And I don't need a reboot ASAP, nor will I need one!" "What are you two talking about!?" Twilight Velvet exclaimed "This has to be the most strangest thing for you to do, Surprise!" "Maybe," Surprise said "But I know what's even stranger!" She pulled out one of her fathers and began to shake it in the air. Discord appeared, laughing hard as she was tickling one of his toes. "STOP IT!!! STOP IT!!! THAT TICKLES!!! HOO-HOO-HOO!!!" "Discord," Deadpool spoke, placing his left hand on his hip and snapped with the right, acting a lot like a sassy black woman. "you ain't suppose to be sneakin' up on someone like that, boi!" Surprise stopped, and Discord regained control. "Oh, my apologies, Mr. Deadpool, but you've been gone for a while... and everypony in town is searching for you." "For hugs or torches?" "Torches." "Ah, but wait until they see the other Mane 6!" "Mane 6?" Sparkler asked. "TO PONYVILLE!!!" "Hey! No DC stuff here! Especially with the new Batman V Superman... BATMAN KILLS PEOPLE!!!" "Ooh! Spoilers! Let me check that out!" Surprise spoke "Reader, can you show me the spoiler? I can wait." "Who are you both talking to!?" Firefly asked in annoyance "Oh dear, I hope they're nice." Posey spoke, hiding behind Firefly. "Just ignore the comments and you'll be fine." Deadpool spoke. "Comments? I'm talking about them." Standing in front of the six ponies was the mane six, who also stood like them, also with Fluttershy hiding behind Rainbow Dash. "What the-!?" Both Twilights yelled "Is that... me!? Who are you? A clone!? I'm not a clone!" "Mane 6, meet the other mane 6." Deadpool spoke. "Other mane 6, meet your Mane 6." Both Rainbow Dash and Firefly meet at each other head on. "What they hay are you doing here!?" Dash yelled "This some sort of Changeling plan!?" "Changeling plan!?" Firefly replied "Some faulty disguise from a bug." "Who you calling a bug, bug!?" "Oh, them's fighting words!" Both Applejack's grabbed their friend. "Easy there, sugarcube." Both A.J.s spoke "We don't want to wrestle somepony so quick. Howdy, Name's Applejack. ...Wait, you're Applejack as well? Well, that's weird." Both Pinkie and surprise hoped to each other. "Ooh! Feathers!" Pinkie spoke. "Ooh! Pink!" Surprise replied. "Aw, thanks! I'm Pinkie Pie!" "And thank you! Surprise!" "Where!?" "Right here!" "You're a surprise!?" "In more ways than one!" They both laughed and snorted. The Fancy mares approached each other, observing each other. "... You have an excellent mane design." Dazzler spoke. "So do you." Rarity replied. "Know how to use a sowing machine?" "One of my favorite things. In fact, it's a career. You?" "Same thing." They both smiled. "We're going to be the best of friends." "Yes, and two minds are better than one." Posey and Fluttershy approached to each other, but covered their faces with their manes. "Oh... hi... I'm... Fluttershy." the pegasus spoke. "Hi... I'm... Posey." The earth pony replied. Both stood there and ocasionally glanced at each other. "...Do you like... bunnies?" "... I do." They looked at each other. "Do you... like animals?" "...Yes." Deadpool teleported away and watched from a safe distance. Why are we away? I guess it's something like the Force Awakens: the old meets the new. That... actually makes sense. "Actually, I just had to do this." He pulled down his pants, leaned over, and... OH GOD!!! I am NOT typing that down!!! End chapter!!! BWAAM!!! Pony #151: SunburstBWAAM!!! Pony #151: Sunburst It was, another day in Ponyville, and Starlight, with Twilight & Spike busy with another certain group of ponies, was inside the castle, placing signs to help her and other navigate the huge castle that really needed some staff members. Then she heard the front door knock. She walked to it and opened it, only to meet a familiar glasses wearing orange-yellow stallion with an orange mane, tail, & beard, and wearing the blue, star spotted cape. "Sunburst?" Starlight asked in surprise. "W-what brought you here?" "Oh, uh, hello, Starlight." Sunburst replied i his nervous tone. "I... uh... just wanted to visit. Are you busy at the moment?" "...Not at the moment. Want some tea?" "Sure." He walked into the castle, following Starlight. As they walked to the kitchen, Sunburst inspected the castle, noticing many of the little things around. "It's... pretty empty around here." "...It is." "...Does anypony else live here?" "Well... I'm more or less both a student and housemate to Princess Twilight Sparkle." "Huh... living with the princess. Has she thought of hiring staff members?" "I asked her the same thing, but she didn't reply. Not really sure why." They went into the kitchen. Starlight quickly brewed some tea while Sunburst sat down. "So... anything exciting happens around here?" "Hm... seems to be one of those rare days where nothing crazy is happening." "Is that good or bad?" "...It can be either." Starlight set the warm tea on the table and sat in front os Sunburst. "But with much excitement happening, I'm fine when it's quiet." "Oh... that sounds... lovely." Silence fell between the two. "Starlight?" "Hmm?" "There's... Something I've been meaning to tell you." "And what's that?" He scooted in a bit closer. "Well... after all of these years," Another scoot "I've always wondered what happened to you," Scoot. "and I have one thing to say." He was practically next to her. "Starlight?" "Yes, Sunburst?" "...I really like your mane." "Oh, Come on!!!" Deadpool's voice yelled. Both Sunburst and Starlight frantically looked around. "Who said that!?" A sound was heard, followed by the nearby window crashing, and Deadpool landed inside, holding a videocamera. "Come on! Just Buck already!!! I got the camera ready! I was going to make MrAquino make a Clop-Fic involving you two doing it in the kitchen and-" A Piano fell onto his head, crushing him and the Camera. And don't worry folks, Deadpool is a liar. Both Starlight and Sunburst blinked. "...That was... interesting." Starlight said. "How'd that piano fall?" "And who, and what, is that creature?" Starlight shuddered. "Oh no! It's... Deadpool!" "That's right!" Deadpool spoke under the piano. He teleported onto the piano, laying on his side. "And to answer your question, my nerdy stallion, I am... a powerful wizard!" "...You don't look like a wizard." Sunburst commented. "Don't judge a book by it's cover! Same thing with Movie Trailers! ...Though, I can't say the same for the new Ghostbusters... and perhaps that Jem movie failed by the start... but... just wait until you see my abilities, Young Sunburst! As you have noticed, I am Nigh Immortal!" "...Judging by how fast you healed, I can see that, though you teleported like a unicorn, which isn't very impressive." "True, but I ain't got a horn." "...What's that below your belt, then?" "Uh... Something else. I can't really show it, since it'll be out there, making this new Fanfic go Mature, and... complicated stuff. Oh, I forgot to mention, but I can see other worlds!" "Other worlds? Care to explain?" Deadpool telepported and picked up Sunburst. "Imagine, if you will, that our world, though vast and large, is in fact, nothing more than a spec in other worlds, each the same and different than others!" "...that's... something." "Yes! But imagine that all of those worlds, they are, in fact, noting more but creations from different worlds! A set of different universes that, like mentioned, are the same, but different in so many ways! You and I are nothing more but creations from that same world! But for more weirdness, imagine that that world was created by something much more powerful! And perhaps that's also created by another thing much more powerful! We go on until we meet the creator of it all; the Diety that's responsible for all of life to exist, so they create life, which creats it's own life, and etcetera, until, we hit to our life." "... I don't really follow you, sir." Deadpool shook Sunburst. "WE ARE NOTHING MORE BUT PAWNS TO A POWERFUL DIETY THAT CONTROLS OUR EVERY SINGLE MOVE!!! We calim to have true freedom to our movement, but that is not true! It is a lie that the deity placed in our heads to help us feel better about ourselves, as a way to go on and do what we want, only for their amusement as they control us! My friend, we are part of something that's worse than the Matrix and it's sequels! We are nothing but characters used to entertain others at the comfort of their homes as a way to escape the harshness of reality, and for them to avoid the fact that they themselves are being controlled by both someone in their world, and a powerful deity that controls all of their movements! Until you break the rules like me, then you will always be under their watch!" "...You're insane!!!" "I know I am, but who's more insane; the one who acts insane, or the person that admits that they're insane? Think about it." Sunburst blinked. Then Deadpool gave him a kiss on the cheek. He turned to the Mercernary. "That right there, was an example of the deity controlling me. Just as how we're going to do a Muppets song right about... now!" In a flash, Deadpool sat behind the piano, Sunburst was now in a fancy suit, and Starlight was in a dress. "♫Baby, stop right there.♫" Sunburst sang. "♫Let me clear the air. Baby, look into these eyes. Let me apologize. I know what you're thinking of. You think, "Where is the love?" But the love ain't gone. It's here where it belongs.♫" :"♫I know what you're waiting for. Well, you don't need to wait no more.♫" Sunburst began to do a dance as well as Starlight. as the place turned into a Disco room, complete with the disco ball & changing colored floor "♫I can give you anything you want. Give you anything you need. I'll make your dreams come true. Give you anything you want. Fulfill your fantasies. I'll make your dreams come true.♫" His horn glowed as everything came to his sides. "♫You want a unicorn? I'll give it to you. You want a puppy dog? I'll give it to you. You want an ice cream cone? I'll give it to you. You want a mortgage loan? I'll give it to you. You want a satin pillow? I'll give it to you. You want an armadillo? I'll give it to you. You want a diamond ring? I'll give it to you. You want a thingy-thing? I'll give it to you.♫" ♫I know what you're waiting for. Well, you don't need to wait no more.♫ "♫I can give you anything you want. Give you anything you need. I'll make your dreams come true. Give you anything you want. Fulfill your fantasies. I'll make your dreams come true.♫" "♫You want a face to blame? I'll give it to you. You want a little cupcake? I'll give it to you. You want a cockatoo? I'll give it to you. You want a kangaroo? I'll give it to you. You want a brand new car? I'll give it to you. You want a Hollywood star? I'll give it to you. You want to go to the moon? Ooh... I'll see what I can do.♫" "♫I know what you're waiting for. Well, you don't need to wait no more.♫" "♫I can give you anything you want. Give you anything you need. I'll make your dreams come true. Give you anything you want. Fulfill your fantasies. I'll make your dreams come true.♫" "♫I'm sayin' cockatoo. Yeah. (Kangaroo) Ooh. (In Malibu) I'll give it to you. I'll make your dreams come true. Cockatoo. Kangaroo. In Malibu. I'll make your dreams come true.♫" They both ended with a pose. Sunbusrt shook his head as everything but the unicorn (which turned out to be Twilight Sparkle) and Hollywood Star (Ryan Reynalds) looked around in curiosity. "Uh... what happened to the kitchen?" Twilight asked. "This is a kitchen?" Ryan asked "How did I get from the set of Deadpool 2 to here? And... is that Deadpool?" Deadpool teleported to Ryan Reynalds. "Alas, I'm sorry, my love," Deadpool spoke "But we cannot stay here for long! You must go back to Earth, and I, here, in Equestria." Ryan blinked, but rolled his eyes. He lifted Deadpool's mask and they kissed each other. All the ponies stared in awkward silence as Deadpool and Rynalds made out with each other for a while. When they stopped. Ryan stood up and walked out of the front door. "Gotta say, that wasn't as gay as Twilight." "Hey!" Twilight yelled. Deadpool stared blankly. "...Ryan Reynolds... kissed me!" That's one thing off of the bucket list. And he gave us tongue! Such an awesome guy! Deadpool fainted and fell to the floor. Author's Note Brothers from Another Mother: Rumble and ThunderlingAt Sweet Apple Acres, it was the Sister Hooves social. As word spread after Big Mac's action as Orchard Blossom, many stallions were now there with their little or big sister(s), but the most stand out of them were two brothers: a dark gray Pegasus with a light blue & white mane, and a light gray Pegasus with a darker mane color. "Are you sure about this, Thunderlane?" the smaller Pegasus asked "It feels weird participating in the Sister Hooves Social." "I'm sure, Rumble." The older stallion replied. "I'm glad Big Mac's actions made this possible. Come on! I'm sure that we can-" "Oi! We got two more brothers joining!" The voice of Deadpool yelled. Both Thunderlane and Rumble turned to see Deadpool and Cable together, wearing matching kilts "Brother! You ready to take these brothers down!?" "Wade..." Cable growled "I have no idea how I came here... nor how you convinced me to join this event... but don't...ever... call me a brother... again." Deadpool climbed his back and rubbed his index finger across Cable's face. "You are so funny, Cable." Cable grabbed him and slammed him in the floor... Deadpool's head exploded upon impact. "I'M LEAVING!!!" He turned and left through a portal. Deadpool stood back up, his head healing quickly. "Fine! I'm joining these two bros!" "Uh... it's a two team event." Thunderling replied. "Attention Everypony!" Granny Smith announced "This here Sister Hoove's social is now a three team event! Find yer third wheel and let's get this here show on the road!" Both pegasus brother turned to Deadpool, who now had a large grin under his mask. 8 big glasses fell over his face along with a joint and gold chains, followed by a beat with some guys saying 'I am the one, don't weigh a ton, Don't need a gun to get respect up on the street'. Rumble slapped Deadpool before the annoying song could continue. "Can you keep up without any... other random things?" "Ya'll should know me!" Deadpool replied "I don't do random things; The writer does!" Both brothers just looked confused. "I feel like I'm going to regret this." Thunderling said. Dancing All three 'sisters' wore matching suits & trenchcoats. "What song is this, Thunderling?" Rumble asked his big brother. "I didn't select a song yet, Rumble." Thunderling replied to his younger brother "I did!" Deadpool said, appearing between the two. "Trust me, you'll both do just fine! And if one of you dances badly, no sweat! It adds nostalgia to this factor!" "...And that is?" Both asked. Deadpool grabbed them both and flung them, and himself, to the stage. "Here's a song by a gay guy!" Jump Rope Both Thunderling and Rumble, while jumped accordingly, not using their wings, Deadpool was showing off his physical prowess by jumping & balancing on his hands and... clapping his cheeks. "You know you like it, ladies." Deadpool said. "Uh... those are fillies." Thunderling spoke in mid-hop. "Oh s**t! Hope that's not considered pedophilia!" Juggling. Rather than using his hands, arms, legs, or feet, Deadpool juggled the bowling pins using his pecs and... oh God. "What!? It's censored." The Race. When Granny Smith, Deadpool ran 0 to- "Racing here! Have some music! HYAA!!!" What the-!? O...k? Well, Deadpool easily skidded over the mud with Thunderling & Rumble, hopped into the barrels, following the piano beat of 2 Chainz I'm Different, and easily jumped on and back flipped over the pile of boxes. For the pies, defying all forms of logic, Deadpool ate his pie with his mask on, imagining himself eat the booty like groceries. Wouldn't that be just fattening in real life? Or is she a sex slave owner? ...What the-? I'm just saying. If she eats the booty like groceries, that means that she's rich to eat & buy so much groceries, so is she some sort of sex slave owner to do that? ...My mind is blown. All three pushed the hay bale in their way as a team, then ran to the grapes. Deadpool began to squish the grapes while doing a Russian style dance. "In Soviet Russia, Grapes crush you!" Deadpool joked. With grape juice made, they ran to the chickens coop, where Deadpool moonwalked out, balancing an egg on his head... and held Scootaloo. "What the-!?" Scootaloot yelled "How did I get here!?" "Obvious chicken joke!" Deadpool replied, sliding the egg off his head, to his arm, and into the basket with other eggs. He and the other ran ahead, all jumping over the hurdles, though Deadpool had on a Ballerina outfit while jumping, complete with a tutu & tiara. The line was a large sprint, and all three ran like they stole something! They would make it to first, but a long cow, recently milked, walked at the exit. Deadpool stopped as an utter swung and a drop of milk came from the end and headed to Deadpool's face, who's mask fell of from the sprint and stop. "COW!!! COW!!!" Deadpool screamed and ran away in total fear! "COW!!! COW!!! COW!!!" Everyone froze and watched as Deadpool ran away, tearing up hard as he crashed through everything, making Big Mac's incident as Orchard Blossom look like a simple accident. "...Deadpool has a fear of cows?" Rumble asked "It... looks like it." Thunderling rumble replied "...I wanna go home." "Same thing here. Wanna play some videogames?" "Sure!" Both brothers left. Everyone else, however, made a mental not on Deadpool's fear. Author's Note If you don't know, yes, in the comics, Deadpool has Bovinophobia/Taurophobia: The excessive and Irrational fear of Cows &/or Cattle. DON'T LAUGH AT ME!!! God of War. The ChimeraDeadpool continued to run and scream for his life, running past and through everything in his path. His panic was over as he was ran into the fire swamp and was burnt. "FIRE!!! FIRE!!! FIRE!!!" He yelled "I'M BURNING!!! I'M BURNING!!! I'M ON FIRE!!! EN FUEGO!!!" Stop, drop, and roll, you idiot. But the floor is exploding with fire! ...Then stand and pat the fire out. Deadpool did, standing and patting the fire off around him, leaving some burn marks on his suit. "Aw s**t!" He yelled "This was my favorite! Now I look like my old self during the Weapon X days." At least we're still cool looking! And Bryan Singer wouldn't mind this. "True, but he wouldn't like my eyes moving. And since I'm a part time X-men member, I should've been in X-Men: Days of Future Past, in the future, being the greatest teacher ever! As what? A Weapons maintenance? Sex ed! "Neither! Culinary Arts! ...That, or how to care for Professor X's head like a diamond. Man, all this talk about X-Men films, and where are we?" The Fire Swamps. How do you know that? Fire's everywhere, idiot. "What do we have here!?" A voice asked. Deadpool turned to see a large quadruped figure circling around him. "My, my! He certainly looks delicious!" "He looks like a delicious sausage!!!" Another voice bleated "More appealing than a ssssssssssssnack!" Another hisses "Bessssssssssssssssssquise me!?" Deadpool hissed back while snapping & posing like a sassy black woman. "Do you know who you talking 'bout, gurls?" The figure appeared out of the shadows, revealing a tiger, a goat, and a snake together. "...Oh... f**k... a Chimera... hey." "This funny creature should be delicious, sisters!" The Tiger growled. "Hey! This 'Funny Creature' is, the one and only of many dimensions, Deadpool!" "...This is the one who slayed Tirek?" The goat asked before bleating into laughter. "He's so scrawny!" "Yesssssssssss," The snake hissed. "Even I can ssssssssssswallow him!" "Oh that's it!" Deadpool said, pulling out his swords. "I'm gonna make you eat thosssssssse wordssssss!!!" The Chimera readied itself to pounce. "You're gonna be a lot more fun than those cows!" The Tiger growled. Deadpool looked around. "Cows!? Where!?" The Chimera pounced and mauled him. Deadpool screamed in pain as the tiger head bit into his chest and ate his intestines, the Goat head biting and crushing his skull, and the snake taking a bit and swallowing his left leg whole. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! OH GOD!!! This is violent as hell!!! The Chimera tossed Deadpool's corpse to the side, his organs falling everywhere and burning. "...I am quite dissapointed." The tiger said. "He was easier to kill than I thought." "Same thing... here." Deadpool spoke. All heads gasped as the mauled corpse of Deadpool got back up. His head grew back, as did his chest with intestines, and his leg. "You shouldn't have said the 'C' word. It's a mental tick that, I won't lie, I have a deep phobia of. But, before you ask why, to make it short, Comedy, is your answer. Long is rather strange. Now, let's try this again, and I must warn you, I've played a lot, and I DO MEAN, a lot of God of War! With that out of the way, let's dance! Hit it!" Deadpool charged at the Chimera with his swords. The Chimera charged right back. Deadpool teleported and swung his swords around, giving off some slices to the Chimera. The Chimera tried to fight back, but not only was Deadpool fast, but he ocassionally pulled out his twin pistols and fired at them from afar. "Semi-autos would be too easy." He simply said. The goat head & tiger were dazed, and Deadpool teleported onto the chimera's back. The snack lunged at him, but Deadpool dodged and sliced the snake off! "Sister!?" Both the tiger and goat asked. "She dead!" Deadpool spoke, poking the snake with a stick. The Heads roared in fury, the body stood right up, standing on it's hind legs, and swung at Deadpool with it's forelegs' claws. Deadpool dodged, noticing how it was swinging much faster and harder, but he did some backflips, shooting at it multiple times, until both heads were dazed again. "STABBY TIME!!!" Deadpool pulled his sword out and charged at the Chimera again. With his left sword, Deadpool stabbed through the beast's left shoulder, and with the right, he began to stab the beast's belly. He then headbutted the tiger head, stabbing it's neck with both swords, and stabbed it's brain through it's eyes. "NOOO!!!" The goat head yelled. "Oops! If you want, I can leave and let you bleed to death!" The goat head roared and, controlling the body, charged at Deadpool, using itself as a battering ram. Deadpool, while he couldn't dodge all of them, did his best, but he crashed into a tree every time he was headbutted by the goat. He fired his twin pistols even more, making the last head dazed and confused. "Time for the killing blow!" Deadpool knocked the Chimera down, stomped on the goat's head, ripped one of it's horns off, and impaled it's eye with it's own horn! "Yes!!! I am the Champion!!! Victory Dance!!!" But before he could dance, he realized he was over a crater about to erupt. "F**k." He was blasted into the sky. "TEAM DEAPOOL'S AT IT AGAIN!!!" Author's Note Wow... that was violent. Next chapter's going to be comedic and, if you're like me, quite nostalgic. MARTHA!!!The sun rose once again, and in Luna's room, Deadpool cleaned the mess that he and Luna made while they were... well- "We F***ed. Just say that." Well, Excuse me! I'm not a porno writer! Ahem, Deadpool cleaned the mess he and Luna made, though the princess of the night snored away on her back. I never thought Luna would so cute snoring away after sexy times! After going through 9 Rounds, she deserves it. "We went through 9 rounds!? Man, I'm lacking. At least I don't have any blue balls anymore." He threw out literal blue balls out of the window, followed by pulling out his unicorn plushy. "And, as fun as it was during our movie, looks like I don't need you anymore, Deepthroat C**k S**t." Wait... isn't that-? "Yes, it's the name of that story! Didn't read it, by the way, nor the narrator, folks. He's not that single nor desperate to become a clopper." HEY!!! "Aw well." He made the final touches and readjusted Luna as she slept away. He gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I'll be back soon, my sweet Mooncheeks." "...Go... F**k... yourself." Luna snored away. Man, she's got quite the potty mouth! Considering it's with us, she's excused. "Ah, don't worry babe." Deadpool said, stroking her mane. "We can do some different positions the next time you're feeling horny." He lightly flicked her horn. "I'll Watchmojo some moves." Then, he teleported away, landing in front of Celestia. Celestia sipped some tea, but looked to see Deadpool. "...Deadpool." She spoke. Deadpool placed his finger near her lips, silencing her. "Shh... Don't tell your mother... Kiss one another... Die for each other." He kissed her on the cheek before disappearing. A guard approached to her. "Your Majesty?" he asked. "...I'd like to ask my sister how it was like." Celestia said. Deadpool found himself in Ponyville's park with fitting music playing. Many of the residents just stared and watched as Deadpool held a Waifu pillow of Luna herself. Many of the children pointed at the pillow imprint's of Luna's different 'positions'. This, however, ended rather abruptly, when a large vehicle ran over him. "AAAHHH!!! MOTHA F***A!!!" Deadpool screamed in pain. The vehicle opened with steam coming out, and out came- SPIDER-MAN!!! You idiot! It's Batman! "Da Fuq!?" Deadpool yelled. Sure enough, the bat of Gotham stood over him. "Tell me," he said in a voice that sounded pretty similar to Jigsaw of the Saw movies. "Do you bleed?" "You ran me over! Of course I'm bleeding!!!" Down from the sky came the other iconic Superhero. "Super-Man!? Really!? Great! Now where's Wonder Woman!?!?!?" Silence. "Oh... right. Hey! Supes!!! In Man of Steel, nearly a whole city was destroyed with millions dead! In my movie, I killed only about 100 guys! That makes me more of a hero than you!!!" Superman lifted Deadpool and threw him. He slid across the floor, but got up. "Oh!? Did I struck a nerve!? Jealous that my film had a budget of $58 million and made $359 million in the U.S. while your film had a budget $250 million and made only $302 Million in said country? See what happens when you make everyone overhype AF? I knew it was gonna suck because of the 'VS' in it! Folks at home, take a note: Alien V Predator, Freddy V Jason, King Kong V Godzilla! What do they all have in common? They're licensed characters fighting against other licensed characters in a big budget Hollywood movie that were hyped AF at the time, and disappointed everyone because they cop out with a god damn tie! The only exception would be Monsters Vs aliens and Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World; the Dreamworks film was just the general idea, and the other was based off of a graphic novel! Oh, you still here, Supes?" He grabbed Deadpool by the throat. "Oops! Looks like you're butthurt! I knew you'd kill people now! So low on the Charisma Factor... I think I need to start over my playthrough of Fallout 4!" His eyes glowed Red as Batman had on his power suit. "And here comes the part where we apologize to each other... WAIT!!! MY MOTHER'S NAME IS MARTHA!!!" "Martha!?" Both asked in shock. Superman released him, but- "KRYPTONITE FART!!!" He threw the green gas cloud that, though was Kryptonite, had a bad smell with it. Both heroes fell; Superman for his obvious weakness, and Batman because of the smell "HAHAHAHAHA!!! You fell for that! Now, it's time you have a fate worse than death." Deadpool pulled out a large hammer. "Behold! The Hammer of reboots!!! Hollywood loves this weapon! Isn't that right, Hollywood?" He pulled out a Mr. Potato head. "It's One Eye Bart... 'Oh-ho-ho!!! Money, money, money!'" Before both could say anything, Deadpool swung at their faces. Rather than their heads becoming dislocated as you'd expect... they just vanished. Wha-!? Where'd they go!? They're getting a reboot. Like many other movies, it's most likely going to fail compare to the originals... but there are some cases in which it's better, such as Dredd. "Oh! I wonder if I can have a crossover with him! And... HYA!!!" He threw the hammer of Reboots at Wonder Woman. She gasped and was gone to the land of rebooting. "And now, to the other suckas in that film!" With Doomsady, Deadpool released Michael Bay's Ninja turtles on them... followed by the Hammer of reboots. With Lex Luthor, Deadpool got the help from Heisenberg from Baking Bad, knocking the little b***h in his place before he could go Coo coo for Kryptonite... and both used the hammer of reboots on him. While he would attack the other heroes, Deadpool figured that they were going to die on their own, and instead, focused on Zack Snyder, using his own filming 'techinques' on him. As for Warner Brothers studios... he helped free the Animaniacs, and, with their help, he's on the production of the Lego Batman Movie, knowing that this Batman movie will not only appeal to audiences of all ages, help him be a bit kid friendly, and, of course, make millions. If this were the ending, it'd be perfect. Eh, it needs explosions. ... Wanna watch Animaniacs on Netflix? Hell yeah!!! Through the fire and flames: Dragon 3 and 4 (Who counted those other ones?) Torch and Ember Through the fire and flames: Dragon 3 and 4 (Who counted those other ones?) Torch and Ember Deadpool woke up to find himself in what was a large canyon. "Hey! How'd I get here!? Guys, know how we got here?" I have no idea! Drugged, sleep walked, perhaps just teleport here? take your pick. "HUMAN!!!" A loud, booming voice shook Deadpool and the place. Deadpool stood right up and saw what was a- "WHOAH!!! That's one big muthaf**k!!!" "Your humor eludes me. I have heard all about you, and how you easily defeated some of the dragons that later tried to take my place as Dragon lord." "Oh yeah... that was before I meet Gunvolt... and before my author helped that other guy make Rogue Chaos... Hey! My word is green again!" "SILENCE!!! Human! I've been yearning for a challenge! I may no longer be a Dragon Lord, so you defeating me will not be anything to be ashamed of!" "Wait... you want me to fight you!?" "BRACE YOURSELF, HUMAN!!! When I win, you will be nothing but a snack for my belly!" "Eww! I don't to go through some Voraphilia again! But... let's dance! Yo! Hit it!!!" "Ooh! Skyrim! Me likey!" Deadpool put on the classic Skyrim helmet and ran to the giant dragon! The dragon let out a mighty roar, blowing Deadpool away before he flapped his wings and let out fire! Deadpool ran to the side before the fire could touch him, and began to run to the dragon, pulling out his pistols and fired. Unfortunately, Deadpool should've seen that the dragon had armor over it's underbelly, with the bullets bouncing off. "HA!!! My armor can stop any attack!" "Crap! Better get close! Hey! Dragon! I've got a bigger d**k than you!" "NOTHING'S BIGGER THAN ME!!!" The dragon flew to Deadpool, opening his maw, ready to devour the Mercenary. Deadpool charged ahead, jumping onto it's lower lip, and jumped onto it's horned nose before he could clamp Deadpool. He ran inbetween the Dragon's eyes. The dragon looked around. "WHERE ARE YOU!? Come out, you coward!" Deadpool ran to his right eye. The dragon looked at him "I prefer being called 'Strategic'. LEMON JUICE!!!" Deadpool pulled out a sliced Lemon and squeezed the juice into the pupil. The Dragon wailed in pain. MY EYE!!! Deadpool jumped out of the way as it used it's claws to cover it's eye. He climbed in between the eyes, ran past his crown, and slid down his back, disappearing beneath his armor. He grabbed onto some scales sticking out, and, with his free hand, pulled out his sword. "I know, God of war like." He began to stab the dragon. The dragon winced in pain. "WHAT IS THAT!? A THORN!?!?!? HA!!!" "Close enough!" He pulled a grenade out. "This is gonna hurt like hell, bot for you and me, big guy." He pulled the pin and mushed the grenade inside the sliced flesh. "GYA!!! WHAT IS THAT!?!?!? A- GAAAHHH!!!" The grenade exploded, blowing Deadpool down further down the dragon's back, but stopped as the dragon fell down onto it's belly. The Dragon, as Deadpool could see and feel, took off it's armor, and, much to Deadpool's surprise, fell onto his back. "This is gonna hurt." Deadpool could feel the incredible weight of the dragon land on him, reducing him to mush. Gah! I wonder if this is how Playdoh feels. Or just dough in general. The dragon stood up. "Grape escape." Deadpool said. "YOU'RE STILL ALIVE!?" The dragon asked in shock. "Surprising, but it makes no difference." Deadpool felt the Dragon's two claws grab him. You are tough, I will give you that, but I am hungry! You will be satisfying for my belly. "OH HELL NAW!!!" Deadpool yelled. He was tossed into the Dragon's maw. Before the jaws could close, Deadpool pulled out his swords and stabbed the roof of the mouth. The Dragon roared, making the merc's ears ring, but he didn't give in. "Had enough, b***h!? Try to bite me down, and my swords go directly into your brain!" "*I will chew you into bits, human!*" The dragon spoke, his mouth full and in pain, leading to this translation of muffledness "*You can't possibly expect to survive!*" "Oh, I will! I can go on for a complete three days!" "*I can go three weeks!*" "Three months! "Three years!" "Three centuries! "Three-" "Dad!" A female voice spoke. Deadpool turned to see a light blue, female dragon flying near her father's slightly open mouth. "Dad! You're bleeding! And... is that Deadpool!?" "Oh, 'Sup!" Deadpool spoke "Very nice to meet you. I'd shake your hand and any royal thing, but I'm a little... tongue tied here!" "Dad! Spit him out!" The young dragon yelled "*But Ember...*" "I got this." Deadpool said, teleporting away and onto the giant dragon's nose with his swords, sheathing them. "And I was hoping we'd have a truce where I'd let him live, he'd go around and cause havoc, I 'kill' him everytime, and we'd be stinking rich!" "...Okay..." she replied "Well, greeting, I am Dragonlord Ember, it is a pleasure to-" Deadpool slid to her and kissed the hand that wasn't holding the scepter. "Your majesty! Might I say that, you have become one of the most talked ladies around Equestria. So much so, that there's a bunch of featured fanfics around you right now on FimFiction.net!" "...What?" Deadpool scooped the now stiff dragoness. "Baby... if you weren't a baby, with your father away from us, and if I wasn't already sexually attracted to Princess Luna nor Sterile... then we'd be making Dovahkiins!" she gasped "You've studied the language of dragons!?" "Uh... Not really. I do know one, though it's dangerous." "Please! Tell me!" "... Ahem... FUS-RO-DAH!!!" Both Ember and her father were blasted away by the quote. "I LOVE YOOOOOOOOUU..." Uh oh! She loves us! What does that mean!? Looks like we're going to be in a love triangle like many Young Adult novels today. Oh no! Teenage drama!!! "And that's why I prefer Harry Potter, folks." Deadpool spoke. "And I better get outta here! TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!" Forgot about her: Pony #154: Sweetie Drops/Bon BonBoth Luna and Deadpool were in bed again... wait... how did you-!? Luna's turned on by out feats! Indeed. Kinda makes us wonder why we didn't have public sex after killing Tirek. We're crazy, but not THAT crazy! We would've found a nice room to have sexy time in! Hell, Tirek's corpse could've been a great place! Like the Revenant! ...That's an awful comparison, Crazy, even for you. Deadpool looked up, giving the two a momentary break from furious making out. "Can you two keep it down!? I'm trying to get it on!" Sorry. Sorry. Deadpool and Luna continued to make out with each other, not even caring about Equestria's Cross-breeding relationship regulations, something that Celestia made a thousand years ago to make sure nopony or anything were going to make more powerful beings together. DICTATORSHIP!!! Shut up! Ignoring his voices, Deadpool and Luna... please... stop french kissing each other. "Jealous?" "Of what?" Luna asked "Uh... how great I am, despite not having a muzzle?" "Oh... well... muzzle or no muzzle, you really are the stallion of my dreams." "...Baby... If I were able to dream walk like you, then we'd be getting it on like-" A knock was at the door. "DAMMIT!!!" "Well... you better answer that. But I promise this: if you do something just as, or more, great than the last thing... my chambers are open for you. ...And is that a unicorn horn I see?" "GAH!!!" Deadpool blushed, putting on his briefs, mask, and a bathrobe. "Sorry! What you just said... it's so hot! Like your ass!!!" The knocking got louder. Deadpool teleported to Luna and both delivered a passionate kiss again. "Now you just stay there, Mooncheeks. I'm gonna impress you the f**k out!" "Go f**k yourself, Wade." "I love it when you swear!" Deadpool answered the door. "Yellow?" CLANG!!! Deadpool woke up, though his face was covered by a sack and his back tied to a chair. "Wha-? What the-!?" He yelled "HEY!!! Who hit me with a f***ing frying pan!? HUH!?!?!? That's so cartoonish, even for me!!!" "...Welcome Deadpool." A cybernetic voice spoke "We have been watching you." "AHH!!! Who's that!? Jigsaw!? Arnold Schwarzenegger from True Lies!? BATMAN!?!?!?" "No... We are part of an anti-monster agency in Canterlot. We are here to-" "OH! BON BON!!!" "...What? Uh... no! This is-" "Special Agent Sweetie drops!!!" "...Ugh... alright, you win." The sack was taken off and Deadpool saw that he was the mare in front of him, wearing a special collar. "Hey! Wassup!?" He looked around to see that they were in an empty room. "Huh... this your place? Bought an apartment? Or-?" "No, now be quiet! I have been watching all of your moves around Equestria, each of them, random and dangerous! I may have scratched you off as being like Pinkie Pie, but your ability to quickly heal from everything thrown at you and laugh it off is something that intrigued me. And your combat... never have I seen a monster like you fight so wildly, yet effective." "Wait? Monster? Oh, silly Bon Bon! I'm no monster! I'm just a mutate who had cancer, got these awesome powers, and my own fanbase, some who are reading this right now!" "...what are you-?" "Say hi, folks!" "Who are you talking to?" "Oh, right! Forgot; see, many of the most intelligent beings in the world are those that are able to see every other dimension! For now, we'll use this!" "Wait... is that a-" "Yep! And now... Viola!" "... WHAT THE-!?!?!? Who's that!?" "That is a reader! And so is he... she... he again... she again! Oh! And there's the author of this!" "Author!? He looks fat!" "He prefers 'big boned'." "...Sweet Celestia! They're... they're hideous!" "Hey! Not all of them are hideous! Look at me! Plus, I see some of the ladies there. Mmm... are those real?" "...What could be fake about them?" "Easy; limbs, eyes, hair, booty, and most importantly, their lips." "...Lips?" "I don't want to say boobs. They're very sensitive about that." "Why are you whispering?" "No reason! Now, time to zip it up and... there!" Bon Bon shook her head. "This is incredible! Deadpool! You have to give this ability to Celestia!" "Eh... nah." "No!? Why not!?" "Look, it's bad enough that some people believe they're being watched by some deity that watched over all of us, though science has proven that we're nothing more but a mole on the universe's ass and not the center of attention as we imagined, but do you honestly want everyone to realize that they're being watched by average Joes, almost every day, every night, and continuing until they die but will be replaced by someone else?" "...I never thought about that." "Good." He ruslted her mane. "Glad we had this little talk, my little pony." HEEHEE!!! Title dropping! Roll credits. "Now... if you excuse me... I gotta do something that will allow me to 69 Luna!" "...69?" "Not for the faint of heart. But I'm sure many of the cloppers out there are just saying 'Yeah!' like Rick James." "...Cloppers?" "Forgot to add, but some guys find you hot. If you saw them, wouldn't you be disgusted if they... moaned a lot?" "...I... guess so." "Good. Now... EPICNESS!!! AWAY!!!" He jumped out a window. "...He is the most strange character I've ever said." Snootieness: Ponies 155 & 156: Jet Set and Upper CrustDeadpool jumped through the window, flipped in the air a couple of times, and landed on a table. Some of the ponies noticed and applauded. "Thank you! Thank you!" He replied with a bow "I'll probably be here all week." "Oh dear!" The sound of a really snooty stallion spoke "Look, honey... the human's here." "Ugh! Him? Here?" An equally snooty sounding mare spoke "I didn't know the circus's clown escaped." Deadpool turned around to see a gray unicorn stallion with a darker mane, wearing what looked liked a yacht club outfit, and a yellow unicorn mare with a purple & white mane. Who the hell do they think we are to talk to us like that!? Ugh... Jet Set and Upper Crust. Wait... you hate those guys!? I thought you were the snooty one!? I do prefer the high life, but these ponies give rich people a bad name. "We better leave," Jet Set said "we don't want to be late for our croquet game." "I bet he doesn't even know how to play it." Upper Crust added. They both let out a snooty laugh, lifted their heads up, and walked away. "Hm... this calls for desperate measures," Deadpool said, putting on a monocle "Fancy style!" The two mares arrived at the meeting. "Sorry we're late," Jet Set 'Apologized' "We just saw Equestria's most talked about monkey." "A monkey?" Upper Crust asked "I though it was a mannequin." They both laughed. "... Are you talking about Deadpool?" the croquet mare asked "We do." They both replied. She checked her list. "...Ah! He's actually part of the croquet club!" "WHAT!?!?!?" The two ran to see Deadpool wearing a golfer's outfit, knocking a ball with a mallet through a hoop. Some of the viewers 'applauded' by stopming their hooves. He turned to the two. "Ah! 'Allo there, Mr. Jet Set and Mrs. Upper Crust!" Deadpool greeted, tipping his hat. "Wonderful day for a game of croquet?" "...What are you doing here?" Jet Set asked "You know this is a high class meeting?" "Oh! I know the high class! I'm already fancy enough." "I think he means wearing his underwear inside out." Upper Crust said to her husband. "Hold this." Deadpool tossed a pair of white underwear onto Uppercrust's horn... and she panicked as she spotted a brown stain. Deadpool whacked the ball again, this time, going through several hoops. He took his dirty underwear off of her horn. "Thanks!" He pulled the bottom of his mask off and bit into a surprise in the underwear. "Mmm... nutty." The two's cheeks perked, but they swallowed it back. "Heh... It's chocolate! Not poop." "You... you beast!" Upper Crust shouted. "Yeah, I'm a beast at Croquet!" "You monster!" Jet set added "Of course; I'm a monster at winning!" "How can you be this ignorant!?" "Hm... how can you be some little d****ebags that think of themselves as being higher than anypony else, especially those who are entitled to both the elements of Harmony and are personal friends with Princess Celestia, Luna, Cadence, and Twilight Sparkle?" His mouth stayed open. "Heh... I didn't think so." Another swing. "And that's game!" Jet Set shook himself. "Oh no! This is no game! Deadpool, I challenge you to a game of GOLF!!!" The crowd gasped. "OOH!!! Time to Tiger Woods this!" Both Jet Set and Deadpool stood, wearing golfer outfits. Upper Crust held her husband's bolf bag, and Deadpool had Moondancer with her. "I never thought I'd be in a reserved golf course." Moondancer said "I've had, multiple times." Deadpool replied "And most of those times, I was on a job... or intoxicated... and without clothes on." "Enough of your chit chat, Deadpool." Jet Set spoke. "Take your swing!" "Alright then! Monndancer! Driver, please." She gave him his driver. Deadpool took a few steps back and swung with a satisfying 'Whack'! The ball landed near the hole... then turned and went into the hole. The audience clapped! "HOLE IN ONE!!!" "What the-!?" Jet set and Upper Crust yelled "Hot Shots Golf logic, baby. Your turn." Jet Set grumbled to himself and took his gold club. Another whack and the ball went into the hole, only to pop out immediately. "Ooh... not good." "Shut your trap!" Jet Set growled "We have 8 more holes to go!" 7 Holes later Nearly all of Canterlot watched the two play golf, both princesses watching, though, with Deadpool, Luna gave him a flattering look that, unfortunately, made many of the foals point at Deadpool and ask their parents if he's a unicorn. The score was simple: -8 for Deadpool, and -7 for Jet Set. Both were putting their balls in. "Your turn, mate." Deadpool said. "...Thank you." Jet Set replied. "And please, your Unicorn horn is growing again." "That ain't no horn, but it knows who it's growing for." Jet Set blinked, but refocused on the ball. A swing, and the ball went into the hole. "Birdie." Luna spoke. "Deadpool, if you get a birdie on this round, then you win this round and-" Deadpool putted the ball in. It went into the hole. He took off his mask. "Let's get it on!" "What!? Deadpool! That's for-!" He grabbed her by the back of the head and made out with her. Though she resisted, Luna gave in and kissed Deadpool back. Everyone groaned and gagged at the sight of Deadpool and Luna making out with each other. Both Jet Set and Upper Crust just stared with their mouths open, completely shocked by the sight. Upper Crust was the first to turn around and puke. Then, the paparazzi came and took pictures of the two making out, and somewhere, TMZ is closed for showing these leaked footage, but was burned to the ground by Bronies, Marvelittes, and anyone who hated the show, finally realizing that it was stupid as hell.. Author's Note ... I'm tired... goodbye. DAMN!!! Ponies # 157. That BIG mare!Deadpool and Luna woke up to the sound of knocking. Deadpool groaned as he stood up, but putting on a helmet, as he became similar to Young Metro, but with doors. He opened the door, holding the censor bar over his below the belt area. He was greeted with a canterlot guard. The guard was surprised to see Deadpool without anything on. "...Can I help you?" he asked. The guard blinked, but tried to regain his attention to Deadpool. "Uh... yes... You and Princess Luna have been cordially invited to tonight's Grand Galloping Gala. We trust that-" "I'M ON IT!!!" Deadpool and Luna wore their most fanciest clothing. The Merc, though still wearing his mask, wore the same suit he wore when he was introduced to Ponyville, and Luna... he couldn't help but find her beautiful with her new dress on.. Celestia came along, wearing her own dress "Enjoying yourselves?" Celestia asked, but eyed at Deadpool. "Very much, sister." Luna replied with a nod. "Yeah," Deadpool added. "And both of your dresses don't look like s**t." "Deadpool..." Celestia growled. Luna chuckled. "Please, sister," she said "I too believe that our dresses weren't the best around." "...Just... don't do it again, please?" "Of course, sunbutt!" Deadpool said. Celestia could only groan to herself as she made her way around the gala. "...Psst... Luna?" "Yes?" she replied "Wanna ditch this party and f**k in the kitchen?" "Deadpool!" "What!? I get bored at these fancy parties. And I doubt the cake here is going to last long with your sister around." "What would you like to do, then? As much as I want to, we can't have sex all the time; I need some time to feel it again." "...Next week for sexy time?" "...Next week." "Sweet! So... want to dance?" "Oh please, I may enjoy sex with you, but dancing with you will make me the biggest joke around." "Ha! You should know that while I'm a five time winning Ratchet dancer, I know how to dance very fancy like." "Pfft. You're very terrible at lying." "Oh yeah. What shall we dance to?" "...Tango." "And we shall." "Wait... what!?" Deadpool held onto Luna's flanks with both hands and they teleported to the ball room. All the ponies around gasped as they saw Deadpool groping Luna's flank. The princess of the night could only blush, but she stomped on Deadpool's foot. He released her and hopped ariund on one foot for a while, but got back up. He turned to the Orchestra band. "Yo! Tango! And here's the cash!" The threw a wad of cash at them. The band just blinked, shrugged, and selected the right notes to play. "Deadpool! What are you-?" "Why, we're gonna tango, my dear princess. Let them gaze and awe as you can balance on your hind, and sexy looking, legs, as we dance!" "But, I can't-" "Never say never. ... And I'm not quoting Justin Beiber, but Fievel from An American Tail." He picked up Luna and head her stand on her hind legs. "Wha-!? Deadpool! I-" "Don't think. Just let the music flow through you." Then the music began to play. Luna took a deep breath and calmed down. Unbeknownst to the band, Vinyl appeared with them on her DJ track. The crowd stared, then cheered for the unlikely couple. Luna regained her focus. "Deadpool... I'm... sorry for not trusting you." Luna apologized. "Eh, don't worry," Deadpool replied "that's the same thing that I felt with Black Widow." "...Who?" "Eh, just a crush I had back home, but she's nothing compared to you, my sweet. Luna." She blushed, but smiled. She perked her lips. Deadpool, taking the bottom of his mask off, perked his lips, ready for a kiss. "OH MY GOSH!!! BE MY BOYFRIEND!!!" A loud mare shouted. Deadpool jumped, looking around. "GAH!!! What aw that!?" HOLY S**T!!! IT'S HER!!! "WHO!?!?!?" That one Large mare that wanted the princess dress. "...You mean?" LOOK OUT!!! PONY HONEY BOO-BOO!!! Crashing through everypony else like a train was, indeed, that large mare. "BE MY BOYFRIEND!!!" She yelled JESUS CHRIST!!! She's huge!!! She can eat us! She's bigger that us and probably on top of the food chain! "LET'S GET OUT OF HER BELLY!!!" Deadpool finished, turning and running away! "COME ON!!!" That large mare shouted, giving chase. The result was something similar to Temple Run... or the one that started it all, Pepsiman At the end of the hallway, Discord painted on what was an elevator. Sonata & Flufflepuff stood next o him, both wearing fake mustaches. "Wait... what are we doing again?" Sonata asked "Oh, the Narrator has made SOMETHING for one of his online friends & helpers, and it requires an elevator." "Why, though?" "Hm... probably because of some other fanfic he made that she's helping and he wants to return the favor by making this chapter lead to her and Deadpool hanging out together for a bit as they experience some random stuff on each 'floor'." "...What?" "ptthhpttphppthptttpphpttphpth." Fluffle Puff 'Spoke'. "Oh! Now I get it! Can I join?" "No." Discord said. "But now, we disperse!" "Where are we going?" "Wherever we're needed!" The three disappeared as Deadpool turned the corner. "AN ELEVATOR!?!?!? HERE!?!?!?" He asked himself. We better take it! I can hear her near us! The Large mare turned the corner and followed after him! She's near us! "Oh god! Why!?!?!?" He pushed the button for the door to open. He turned to see the large mare lunging at him, though not very graceful at it. He screamed as her shadow fell onto him. The elevator dinged and he entered it, but a white door appeared in front of the mare, making her crash, followed by a pink blur hitting him. To be continued... in another fanfic DRAMA!!! Ponies #158-160: Daisy, Lily, and Rose "GAH!!! F**K!!!" Deadpool yelled in pain. "Why'd you do that!?" Comedy from Animaniacs is funny. It's time for Animaniacs! "Oh no!" A mare yelled "Girls! We have Deadpool!" Deadpool turned to see the three flower ponies; Roseluck (the cream coated with red mane), Lily (the pink pony with a yellow mane), and Daisy (A lighter pink pony with a green mane). "Oh no! One of the roses!" Daisy yelled, looking at the flower "We forgot to prune it!" "What!?" Roseluck added "I-I thought I pruned them all last night!" "WE'RE SLACKING!!!" Lily screamed. All three fainted to the floor. "Oh! The horror! THE HORROR!!!" Deadpool stood there and blinked. "... I don't get it." He simply said. He teleported away and returned with a stick. With said stick, he poked at the fainted mares. "HEHEHEHEHE!!! This is fun!" "Ow!" Roseluck spoke "Stop that!" "Oh, excuse me, I'm not the one that fainted over the fact that I repeated a skit from Mr. Skullhead." "... Ok?" "Up and at 'em, ladies!" The other two got up. "... Wait a minute... are you all trying to join a drama club?" "...Sorta." Lily replied "We've been working on our acting skills since we were fillies." Daisy added "We do love our shop, but this isn't really what we thought of." "Oh!" Deadpool said, taking out a skull. "So ye too want to be yon Shakespearean actores? Speaketh like thy Princess Luna?" "Uh... no, not really." Roseluck answered. Deadpool threw the skull away, where it entered a portal and hit a certain man in yellow. "Well, you three should know that I myself am a great actor!" "... You mean singer?" Daisy asked "Acting can go well with singing. I mean, look at Hugh Jackman! ... You folks already know him." ".Who are you talking to?" Lily asked "Eh, no one in particular, but to show you my acting skills, we must be in your store!" In their store, the place was changed to host other ponies, with Deadpool on stage. Deadpool, though wore his mask, was now in... a banana hammock. "I'm that damn sexy." Uh... didn't we agree that this would be a scene to- "As much as I liked it, I think Magic Mike deserves the attention it needed." ...Oh hell-! "HIT IT!!!" ...You know what? Fine. Deadpool performed his... sexy dance... to the three mares, who gawked at him... and had nosebleeds. Appearing next to Deadpool was the rest of the Taco Squad, though Discord was in the back, doing the lyrics... you know what? Just watch this video, I'm done! I'm outta here! This is too awkward, even for me!!! Wasted with Pony #161: Berry Punch.It was Hearths Warming time. While many ponies stayed with their families, or, at least, visited their old families, many of the, how shall we say... lonelier ponies entered a place where they wouldn't be so lonely: the bar. Of course, Deadpool was no exception. Sure, he could go back to Luna and have Christmas themed sex positions with her, but, really, it was- "It's the Middle of May and already, Christmas!" He yelled "This is why I hated Christmas, people. Not because of the strange morality of Santa Clause and how he's part of the NSA, but because it's a glutton of a holiday; Starts whenever it wants, ends whenever it wants." "I agree...baby!" A drunk sounding mare spoke. Deadpool turned to his right to see a dark pink earth pony mare with a darker purple mane & tail, drinking from a tankard. She let out rancid sounding belch. "Another one!" Another Tankard slid down to her. Hold on a minute... Is that-!? Yes. It is. The Bartender was DJ Khaled "Aw f**k me." Deadpool said. "Well... might as well get wasted. Yo! One for me!" A tankard slid to him. He grabbed it and chugged it, finishing with Berry Punch. "Another One." The DJ said, sliding more to them "Another one... another one... another one..." Deadpool and Berry had large piles of Tankard behind them, and they were drunk AF. Deadpool turned to Berry, puking a bit under his mask. "Berry... you alive?" He asked "You're... like... a reverse centaur." Berry turned to him. "You... look like... Ryan Reynalds." She replied. Both laughed uncontrollably, but Deadpool puked again, with... oh god! "Hey... I didn't know I eat d**k... funny." That's... a vibrating... thingy. Heh... we're drunky tooy, stuffee. "I gotta pee." Berry said. She sat down and stared blankly, but smiled. "Not anymore." More Tankards were tossed to them. "Another one!" Khaled. ordered. "Only for you... Jabba teh house." Deadpool said, taking the Tankard and splashing it's beer inside all over his face. To avoid any more confrontation, we will see what Deadpool sees. Deadpool found himself in an Irish pub, wearing a leprechaun outfit himself. All around him, both ponies and various X-Men members stood around, also wearing Irish gear, and music was heard with everyone singing. Deadpool jumped into the middle. "♫Gather 'round ye lads and lasses, set ye for a while, and harken to me mournful tale about the Emerald Isle. Let's all raise our glasses high to friends and family gone, and lift our voices in another Irish drinkin' song. Consumption took me mother and me father got the pox, me brother drank the whiskey 'till he wound up in a box. Me other brother in the troubles met with his demise, me sister has forever closed her smilin' Irish eyes. ♫ ♫Now everybody's died, so until our tears are dried, we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more. We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light, then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again.♫ Crazy pushed Deadpool off. ♫Ken was killed in Kilkenny and Claire she died in Clare, Tip from Tipperary died out in the Derry air. Shannon jumped into the river Shannon back in June, Ernie fell into the Erne and Tom is in the Toome. "Cleanliness is godliness," me Uncle Pat would sing, he broke his neck a-slippin' on a bar of Irish Spring. O'Grady he was eighty, 'tho his bride was just a pup, he died upon the honeymoon when she got his Irish up♫ ♫Now everybody's died, so until our tears are dried, we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more. We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light, then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again.♫ Stuffy pushed Crazy off and took over ♫Joe Murphy fought with Reilly near the cliffs of Alderney, he took out his shillelagh and he stabbed him in the spleen. Crazy Uncle Mike thought he was a leprechaun, but in fact he's just a leper and his arms and legs are gone. When Timmy Johnson broke his neck it was a cryin' shame, he wasn't really Irish, but he went to Notre Dame. MacNamara crossed the street and by a bus was hit, but he was just a Scotsman so nobody gave a sh-♫ His head was sliced in half by Wolverine in green. ♫Now everybody's died, so until our tears are dried, we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more. We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light, then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again. ♫ Deadpool blew up Wolverine and took back his place. ♫Me drunken Uncle Brendan tried to drive home from the bar, the road rose up to meet him when he fell out of his car. Irony was what befell me Great Grand Uncle Sam, He choked upon the very last potato in the land. Connor lived in Ulster town, he used to smuggle arms, until the British killed him and cut off his lucky charms. And dear old Father Flanagan who left the Lord's employ, drunk on sacramental wine beneath the altar boy♫ ♫Now everybody's died, so until our tears are dried, we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more. We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light, then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again. ♫ A Spotlight surrounded Deadpool with small pegasi flying by him as doves. ♫Someday soon I'll leave this world of pain and toil and sin, the Lord will take me by the hand to join all of me kin. Me only wish is when the Savior comes for me and you... He kills the cast of Jersey Shore and Honey Boo boo too! ♫ ♫Now everybody's died, so until our tears are dried, we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more. We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light, then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again, then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again, then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once agaaaaain!!!♫ And back to the real perspective. The bar was trashed with Berry being dragged away by the bartender, and Deadpool being impaled by a statue of Celestia & Luna's mom. The Mane 6 all stood there with Starlight. "Glad you didn't invite him to the party, Twilight." Starlight commented. "Uh... I actually did." Twilight replied "But, now I'm glad he didn't accept it." "...Oh well, who's ready for the next episode before the mid season finale!?" Pinkie asked "Uh... what?" Rainbow Dash asked. Pinkie handed everyone scripts. "Quick! Learn your lines! June 11th will be here soon!!!" Author's Note Dancing with Pony # 162: Tender TapsDeadpool, after some serious sobering up, strolled across ponyville, taking more notes how spring came early. "And thank goodness for that." He said. Some giggling was heard right behind him. "Oh!? I know those giggling anywhere!" He turned to see the CMC right behind him. "Girls!!!" "Deadpool!" the three fillies cheered, tackling him. "Ahh!!! The cuteness has been tripled!!!" Luna's eyes opened wide as she inspected a bottle of Lube & a shake weight. "... For some reason, I'm going to kick Deadpool's ass." Deadpool sat on a stool with the fillies. "And that's why I view The Incredibles as an outcry to Freddy Nietzchmeister's concept of the 'Herd Morality', and it's message of that you can never become become great, but be born great." "Really!?" Sweetie Belle asked. Deadpool picked her up. "Yep! But look at me! I may be butt ugly, but I'm talented!" "We can tell." Applebloom replied. "Of course you can! Right, Scootaloo?" "...Me?" A small boy voice spoke. "GAH!!! SCOOTALOO'S A MAN!?!?!?" "What!?" Scootaloo appeared next to the strange, male looking scootaloo-look-a-like, having an ice-cream cone. "Sorry, Ice cream. Hey, you look like me, minus the wings." Deadpool tackled the colt, pulling a gun out. "WHO THE F**K SENT YOU!?!?!? CHRYSALIS!? MY EVIL SELF!? COMBO-MAN!?!?!?" "AHHH!!! PLEASE!!! DON'T HURT ME!!!" The colt begged. Applebloom ran in the way. "Deadpool! This is mah friend, Tender Taps." She said. "... Your boyfriend?" Deadpool asked, suggestively, bouncing his eyebrows. Tender Taps and Applebloom blushed. "Uh... wha-!?" "You know what I mean? Both you, him, and the folks at home. "Uh... I like Applebloom," Tender Taps said "But... I'm not like... that." Deadpool picked the colt up. "Nonsense! You're going to sweep that filly off of her hooves!" "Uh... how?" "Like this!" The two teleported to a Celestia's throne room, with Celestia signing some papers. "...Deadpool?" Celestia asked, though sounded a bit impatient. "Figures. What are you-?" "CAKE!!!" Deadpool threw a whole cake out of a window. Celestia chased after the sweet pastry. "MINE!!!" She jumped out of the window. Deadpool tossed Tender Taps to the throne. "Now, just watch the video and use your imagination, folks. Skip to the 7 second mark." He teleported next to Tender Taps. "MY LEG!!!" Deadpool yelled, falling to the floor, face first. "AHH!!! Hurt... so... much!!!" "Oh... uh... need help?" Tender Taps asked. The door crashed open and Luna came in, cake covering her face. "Leave child," she said "Deadpool will pay for what he has done!!!" Tender Taps quickly ran past the princess. "I'm sorry!" "Eh... no worries." Deadpool said. "So... what are you-?" He felt something worse than getting an exam, as he felt Luna's horn entering where the sun don't shine. He let out a girl scream. "TAKE THAT, B***H!!!" Author's Note Sisters? Ponies 163 & 164: Flitter and CloudchaserIn Ponyville, two pegasi mare walked side by side with each other. They both looked similar, but one was a lighter shade of blue with a more smooth mane, and wore a pink bow in her mane. The other was a darker shade with a more anime looking mane. Both walked to one of the more familiar looking homes in ponyville, but heard music inside. "Uh... Cloudchaser?" The bow wearing one asked. "Did you invite somepony over?" "No, did you, Flitter?" Cloudchaser asked back. "No." Both opened the door to see- HEY!!! GIVE ME BACK MY--- "Hello, ladies." Deadpool spoke in a very seductive voice. "Like what I did with the place?" "D-Deadpool!?" Flitter asked, shaking. "H-how did you get in?" "Easy. I used the force." "...There's broken glass right there." Cloudchaser pointed at a broken window. "Exactly! The force is strong with me." "Ugh... why are you here?" "To update my Selfies. And get to know you both better with the ultimate question." "And that is?" Deadpool teleported away and returned with a camera. "Are you two getting it on?" "What!?" Both mares asked. "You know... do you kiss each other? Lip to lip?" The two mares blushed, but Cloudchaser growled. "Oh! Looks like somepony's butt-" She tackled him and beat him up. "Owowowowowowowowow." Cloudchaser breathed hard as he was beaten up. "...Was that necessary?" Flitter asked "...With the new fighting moves we're learning," Cloudchaser replied "yeah... it's necessary." "Ooh! Glad to see my moves are working!" Deadpool replied. They both turned, only for Deadpool to be literally in their face. "Glad to see my moves may actually help the military for once. Hate to admit it, but you're all signing up to be nothing more than Celestia's stormtroopers. You wouldn't BELIEVE how easy they are!!! Deadpool broke into an art museum with stencils of...well... his 'chimichanga', and spray cans. The guards quickly arrived as Deadpool finished, taking with him a ponified version of the Scream. "Give up, Deadpool!" A guard shouted. "You're surrounded!" "...Look, there's a huge d**k!!!" Deadpool shouted, pointing into the sky behind them. "WHERE!?" One of the guards asked. Sure enough, on a building, was... you know. Deadpool cackled as he ran away. Deadpool kissed the Scream painting. "Who knew crime can pay so well? Especially when greater evils are becoming powerful!? I'm looking at you, Donald Trump." He pulled out a list. Honey Boo Boo The Cast of Jersey Shore (Especially Snookie) Adam Sandler That one F**k boi. Vegans IGN payers. Any politician. "Oh, never mind." "...So... are you gonna leave?" Cloudchaser asked impatiently. "Not until you answer my question." "...We're just friends, okay?" "Just friends?" Deadpool leaned in. "Friends with benefits?" He bounced his eyebrows. Cloudchaser just stared with an impatient look. "Come on... don't be shy. It's gonna be our little secret." Ooh! Hopefully, we get some lesbian action! Highly doubtful, f**king pervert. "We're just friends." Cloudchaser replied. "Yep! Best friends!" Flitter added. "She's like a sister to me!" "Sisters!?" Deadpool asked "...Aw! That's adowable!" "Now can you get out?" Cloudchaser asked. "Yep! That's all I need! SUBULAWA!!!" He threw himself out of another window and ran away. "BUSH DID 9/11!!!" The two mares just stared blankly. "...Ok?" Flitter asked. Author's Note Won't lie, I have NO idea what to do with them. Have some more idiotic things. I need help, ASAP. Ponies # 165 & 166: Mr. and Plaid StripesIn the shop 'Rarity for You', somewhere in Saddle Row of Manehatten, the three employees inside made the new dresses, but stopped to help some customer... up until they heard a loud 'SMACK!', with something sliding down the window. Rarity, who was there to check the place, walked to the door. "Oh, please don't let it be another bird." she groaned to herself. She opened the door, only to be shoved by a barrel with familiar legs sticking out. "Hey! What the-!? Alright, mister, show yourself, or else I'll-" Deadpool popped out of the barrel naked. "Fancy horse!" He yelled "I need clothes, ASAP!!!" "...Deadpool? What are you doing here? Where's your clothes? And why do you... ech! Smell like wet dog?" "No time to answer! I need clothes! I'm being chased as we speak!" "Chased? By who, exactly?" "The Ponified version of the Russian Mafia! Probably the enforcer... or leader... or both! I gotta hide!" "...Can you describe me what this pony looks like?" "He's a stallion, white, like you, purple mane & tail, like you, a bit pudgy, blue vest with gold chain!" "...Wait a second. That sounds a lot like-" "There you are!" A Russian accent voice spoke. Both turned to see Mr. Stripes in the doorway. "...Let's go bowling!" "NO GOD!!! NO GOD, PLEASE NO!!! NO! NO! NNNNOOOOO-!!!" A large dart was thrown into Deadpool's eye. "Let's play darts." "...I'm confused." Rarity spoke. Deadpool groaned as he pulled the dart out of his eye. "This can all be answered with a video that's approximately 9:30 long, 10 if they watch the credits. I actually became a good friend to Mr. Stripe... so much, he now calls me 'cousin'. The rest is explained, though we also had that big chick, and MrAquino for some reason." You know who to replace with who. Rarity stared blankly at how it ended. "...And how did you end up naked?" she asked "Oh, I ran into his house and meet his kid." Deadpool replied "She ripped everything off to get me to wear spoons. ... I may have accidentally psychologically scarred that kid for life, especially when she thought it was a worm at first." Poor kid... we done f**ked up REAL bad this time! It's her fault for taking it off! Plus, they're naked! Shouldn't that be alright with her? They have a different anatomy than their horse counterparts. But how do they make babies? "YOU DID WHAT!?!?!?" Mr.Stripes yelled. "I didn't do it!" Deadpool replied "She did it herself." "Oh, that does it! I'm gonna have your worm ripped right out and give it to the dogs!" "... Well... dogs do sniff down there." Mr. Striped pulled out a bottle, smashed it on the counter, and held the end at Deadpool. "Oh s**t! Uh... pocket sand!" Deadpool threw sand at Mr. Stripe, blinding the stallion. He got up and ran upstairs, entering Vinyl's club. "Oh thank God! Vinyl! I need help!" Unfortunately, the unicorn was too busy to hear him. "DEADPOOL!!!" "Oh S**t!!! ... Ah-ha! Perfect." Mr.Striped entered the room, only to see Deadpool holding the Dubstep gun from Saints Row 4. "TIME TO DROP THE BASE!!!" He fired. All over Manehatten, Deadpool fired the dubstep gun; everypony in an ear-distance were entranced and had no choice but to dance. And luckily, for Deadpool, at least, this was an effective way to make everypony forget what happened... and get away with SO MUCH property damage, except for Rarity for you, which was the only store untouched by the dubstep for... reasons. Author's Note Okay, though it's been a while, but who should Deadpool meet next? Should be a part of the show, so, sorry, but I'm no longer accepting O.C.s or other famous people; I'll add those when I feel like it. Da huuuuuudge... Smooze.As Deadpool ran out to the forest, sleeping on the way, he slammed into something huge, wet, sticky, and... slimy. Eww!!! What'd we hit!? I don't know... Wake up! Deadpool snorted awake. "Who's there!?" He demanded "I'mma slice the s**t outta you!" All that was heard was some gurgling. "AHH!!! Dragon guts!!!" Deadpool sliced at what was ahead of him, though only squishing was heard. His vision came, and in front of him was a green blob that... smiled? OH GOD!!! WE FOUND HONEY BOO BOO!!! That's not Honey Boo Boo! Nor her mom! It's the smooze. "Smooze!?" Deadpool asked. He looked at his torso, seeing it covered in green slime. "Aw S**T!!! Where's the Oxi-clean!?... Oh, right... you can't talk." The Smooze 'tilted' it's head in curiosity. "Alright, well... I don't think you're listening to me, but, hi, I'm Deadpool, Merc with the mouth, regenerating degenerate, yadda yadda." It continued smiling. "... Uh... so... I guess I'm sorry for cutting you... though... you don't seem to mind." More smiling from the Smooze. "Jeez, I wonder if you're even paying attention to me." Ooh! I know what we can do! ...What? "Yo mama's so FAT; When she jumped in a pool, NASA found water on mars!" More smiling. "...Well, that's not gonna work. Um... wait... do you dance?" More smiling. "... I'll take that as a yes. Oh, and to all the readers, please, support the official makers of this new, kickass song. Teamheadkick, thanks for the second rap... and no, not the movie version, but a literal second!" He pulled out a boombox and pressed the play button. Deadpool Rap 2 played. For once, The Smooze danced, albeit, looking more like it was bouncing and, if possible, shook what would be it's butt Go Go Go Go Deadpool Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Deadpool, Merc with a Mouth. Deadpool did his dancing moves that were just as smooth as the beat, but, he reenacted his various lyrics ♫2Guns, and 12 rounds. Click, Click, boom, Everyone falls down. 2Guns, and 12 rounds. Click, Click, boom, Everyone falls down.♫ ♫I'm the Merc with a Mouth, They call me Deadpool. Taking Everybody out, I'm from the old school. Do my own damn thing; I don't follow the rules I regenerate all of my molecules A little crass, rude, and cynical, knuckle up punks, let's get physical. Always itchy on the trigga fingah so I got a bullet poppin' headshots 'till I'm runnin' outta bullets. Walk the walk, and talk the talk, grab the guns and swords, and I'm ready to rock. With my head held high, middle fingers up, The only thing I give is Zero f**ks!♫ ♫Go Go Go Go Deadpool, Merc with a Mouth Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Deadpool, Merc with a Mouth.♫ ♫Taco tuesday is our jam, I'm loading up tacos, yes I am! Hack and slash with both Katanas, Face bashin' Chimichangas!!!♫ ♫2Guns, and 12 rounds. Click, Click, boom, Everyone falls down. 2Guns, and 12 rounds. Click, Click, boom, Everyone falls down.♫ ♫I'm the man with the plan; Initials D.P. With the red suit on, they can't see me bleed! UNSTOPPABLE!!! There's no way to kill me! Cut me down and I'm coming back guaranteed! Big old guns, I'm bringing the boom! Driveby, then I'm leaving the room. What they did to my grill is criminal, FRANCIS This face isn't fixable! Trying to mutate was straight up miserable, I don't give a f**k now though, I'm Invincible!!! Tallin' jokes for day, I come correct You best get out my way or you're gonna get wrecked! Swinging like a heavyweight and dropping everybody, Even though I'm indestructible, I'm still getting bloody! When it comes to kickin' ass, ain't no one above me. I'm a sexy mutha f**ka, and all the ladies love me.♫ ♫Let's get ridiculous Dead Get up, get out your seat. Pool You've got me feeling this and I know you're feeling me. Let's get ridiculous Dead Get up, get out your seat. Pool You've got me feeling this and I know you're feeling me.♫ ♫Now stop the beat and make the booty drop! Just call me DJ-Hack-a-Lot Now drop the bass like a maniac! Just killin' everybody like a heart attack♫ ♫2Guns, and 12 rounds. Click, Click, boom, Everyone falls down. 2Guns, and 12 rounds. Click, Click, boom, Everyone falls down.♫ ♫Mess with the ladies, you gonna get whooped on! Put em up, put em up, come get some! Illest Merc, there is no doubt Now step up chump, get knocked the f**k out! Immortal and untouchable, Psychopathic and dysfunctional. Maximum effort, I never stop Straight kick you in the nuts while I'm wearing crocs!♫ ♫We got a bleeder! Ha! Better bring a mop! Like a fish out water, I'll just watch you flop! I drop 'em all, round after round, Now hang on a minute while I'm breaking it down. With unicorn porn, you know I'm tugging it, knocking my head to the beat and bumping it, Booty in my face; OK, I'm Huggin' it Twerking that ass so fast and loving it!♫ ♫Go Go Go Go Deadpool, Merc with a Mouth Go Go Go Go Deadpool, Merc with a Mouth. Go Go Go Go Deadpool, Merc with a Mouth Go Go Go Go Deadpool, Merc with a Mouth.♫ When the music dwindled away, the Smooze gave Deadpool a slobbering kiss across his face. YECH!!! At least we have our mask on. "...Ah... the return of the 'Why Boner'... WITH A VENGANCE!!!" He took a selfie with the Smooze- "Damn whiners" and ran away to another one of his random adventures. Author's Note If you know what Da Huuuuuudge is and what it's from... have a cookie! And yes... that's the pic. Who should be next, though? Risk Taker. Ponies # 167, 168, and 169: Fluttershy's parents and Zephyr Breeze Risk Taker. Ponies # 167, 168, and 169: Fluttershy's parents and Zephyr Breeze Deadpool and the taco squad stood in an open field with Cloudsdale in the distance. "According to my calculations," Pinkie spoke, holding a map of Equestria "The ammount of gunpowder we have, the impact of the explosion, followed by the force & wind resistance, you should be able to land in Cloudsdale." "But how's he going to stay on?" Surprise asked "F**k logic!" Deadpool yelled, putting on a helmet. "I'm Deadpool!" "...Fair enough." Sonata gave Deadpool a quick taco, which he scarfed it down, despite wearing his mask. Discord held a lighter and placed the fire on the fuse. "And now... Ride of the Valkyries!" Fluffle Puff pulled out a boombox from her coat and played it. Discord lit the fuse. Quickly, everyone put on army outfits with thick mustaches. Deadpool, as soon as he let out a short but, but pretty loud fart, was fired! The wind flew by his face as he was blasted to Cloudsdale; all the pegasi could see was a screaming red blur flying past them, and many of them flew out of the way to safety, though others were just fazed. In a small house, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash sat on the table as the shy pegasus's parents made tea for them. While the two mares talked about what they may do for the weekend, in came in Fluttrshy's brother, Zephyr Breeze. "Have you heard the news as of late!?" He asked, walking to the table with a strut in each step. "Some weird thing name Deadpool is around here!" "...Yeah," Rainbow Dash spoke, uninterested. "We know that already... it's been almost two years already." "Of course, Dashie," He rustled her mane "I was just checking your knowledge. If anything happens, I'm here to protect ya!" "He's really not that dangerous," Fluttershy spoke "or mean, just... different." "Oh? How so?" Her father asked, setting the tea on the table. "Well, he's-" Everyone stopped as they heard a whistling noise heading towards their home, followed by the roof exploding as Deadpool entered, rolling across the floor and breaking all the bones in his body, landing on the family couch. "AHHH!!!" Deadpool screamed "My Neck! My Back... ♫Lick my p***y and my crack.♫" Zephyr hid behind Rainbow Dash. "Gah! What's that thing!?" He asked "It's Deadpool." Rainbow Deadpanned. "The one and only!" Deadpool spoke, pointing the air... which cracked & broke. "GAH!!! Mother F***er!!!" "Oh dear!" Fluttershy's mother spoke "He's hurt!" "It's actually normal for him." Fluttershy spoke, walking to the merc. "Let's just pop this in there..." She cracked Deadpool's shoulder in. He wailed in pain, followed by laughter. He popped his other shoulder in, flopped onto the floor, cracked his back, and, flailed his legs back into place. He stood up, much to the disturbance of Fluttershy's family. "Healing factor, Fluttershy's family." He spoke, putting on a bowler hat & tipping to the family. "I'll pay for the damages done." He teleported to the table and sipped the readily made tea. "Mm... exquisite!" "I'm outta here!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, zooming away. "Wait!" Zephyr spoke "You need-" He was quickly tackled by Deadpool. "No one takes Dashie!" He yelled "No one! Only Soarin! Fly Dahie! Fly like the wind! Become the spectrum!!!" "...See what I mean?" Fluttershy asked her parents "Oh yes," Her mother nodded "He's very... different." Deadpool appeared next to Fluttershy's father. "Hm... I see that you're a huge Markiplier fan," Deadpool observed her father "What with the pink, and might I add, lovely mustache." Her father blushed. "Oh, uh... thank you?" He replied. "But your mane... is it strawberry ice cream? I'm more of a chocolate person myself, but, to each their own, I guess." He teleported and picked up Fluttershy's mom. "And look at you! I'm quite surprised that you're just as soft spoken as your daughter!" "Oh... is there something wrong with that?" Fluttershy's mom asked "Oh nononono, not at all. I guess that most of the Brony's headcanon was that you were both part of some motorcycle gang. That, or more than likely, it was anything but soft spoken, along with Zephyr." "Me!?" The stallion demanded. "We all thought you were more or less Butterscotch and when her friends saw you, it was love at first sight... or more or less a real case of stalker-ism like that one girl and ninja guy... eh, some things are meant to be broken anyways, like various theories online. But enough of destroyed ideas, let's head to the park!" Deadpool ran and opened the door. "Deadpool!" Everyone yelled. He took a step and fell through the clouds. "WHY DIDN'T I LISTEEEEEEEE-!!!" "...Well... that's one problem out of our manes." Zephyr spoke. His family all gave him an angered glare. "What!? He was annoying!" Deadpool crashed through Luna's roof, landing on her bed. She was busy looking over various papers. "You're paying for those." she deadpanned. "I know." Deadpool replied, snapping his neck into place. "Just meet Fluttershy's family. Very adorable... except maybe Zephyr, of course." "... Agreed." "...You know, though I was there very shortly, it felt... welcoming, actually." "Mhm." "I mean... they were nice to me, despite my recklessness, listened to me, had a very soft feeling, were... loving," he began to sniffle "were innocent... and... and-" Luna turned to him. "Are you seriously going to cry!?" "... Sorry... just... never really had a feeling like that." Luna groaned. She used her magic and brought him next to her. "You're suppose to be the jackass that gets everyone straight and not act like whining babies, not me." "Oh, and what's your role?" "I'm suppose to be the loving, motherly type who encourages everyone to follow their dreams and never give up. Or, in your case... something like an inspiration." "...You want that to be like us?" "With the way you snapped me out of my 'oh woe is me?' trance and how you're a damage man that needs some love... definitely." Deadpool smiled under his mask. She took his mask off. "There, now there's my handsome as hell testicle with teeth." "Heh, and you're my horse with literal mooncheeks, mooncheeks." "Just shut up and give it to me." "Oh, I'm gonna give it to ya!" He pulled out a chimichanga. "After movie night." "...What do you plan on watching?" "Eyes wide shut." Author's Note Next one's going to be more slapstic... and slightly racist. (Sorry Indians ) Bovinophobia"NOO!!! NEVER!!!" Deadpool screamed as Applejack dragged him with her lasso. "For the last time, Deadpool," she huffed "Ya'll need to face your ridiculous fear of cows!" "NEVER!!! I'm too rich and busy to face my fear of cows!!! I only wish to see them become ground beef for my chimichangas and burgers!!!" "Now that's a huge balookey!" Deadpool teleported, standing up to the mare. "Oh yeah!? Tell me, AJ, why do you keep animals around the barn?" "...Beg yer pardon?" "Why do you keep animals around the barn? With the exception of your pooch, there's no reason you should have animals around your barn." "Every animal we have helps our profit! Chickens help make the eggs we need and sheep give us wool for clothes!" Deadpool teleported behind AJ and slapped her flank. "You don't need to wear clothes with a nice ass like that!" The Apple pony blushed, but growled, bucking Deadpool in the face. "...ow." "We don't usually wear clothes, but them higher ponies do! Noe come on! Daisy Jo's waitin'." Deadpool pulled a knife from his boot. "You guys ever seen my movie? Spoilers!" He began to cut his left hand off. Again? Really? AVOID THE COWS!!! Unfortunately, Applejack bucked him, knocking him unconscious. Deadpool awoke and found himself in a pleasant meadow. All around him, flowers bloomed with butterflies & bees pollinating them, a gentle & warm breeze flew past him, and there was peace all around. He looked around, seeing that the meadow never seemed to end... and no tree was around. "...Well, to see if someone's watching." He turned his back, unzipped his pants, and peed... he peed out rainbows. "Oh! A dream!" "Very much." The motherly voice of Luna spoke. Deadpool turned to see the princess of the night herself. He immediately had a nine inch boner. "Wade, though we don't have much time here, let me encourage you to face your fears." Deadpool turned into his pony self. "Or... you and I can have the best pony on pony action with a better love story than both Twilight and Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones." "Deadpool, as much as I would love to have it with you, this is a dream, so it's not going to be as good as if we're awake. And secondly, why hate Twilight's interest in Flash Sentry and say we'll be attacked by clones?" "...Your majesty... you and I will have t go through a crapathon of s****y films. But after that, we'll watch the better love stories of all time... and perhaps roleplay as them. I'll be Aragorn and you'll be Arwen!" "...Who?" "Ugh... I have the lord of the Rings Trilogy in my house. Get them and watch them. Best 9 hours of your life! And, before you ask, yes, the eagles would be better." "Wait, what are you-?" "ALLAHU AKBAR!!!" Deadpool woke up again with a snort. REALLY!?!?!? A 9/11 JOKE!?!?!? It was an inside job. Deadpool froze as he heard 'moo's. He stood up and froze as, all around him, cows were around, eating grass and doing cow things. "Oh God... I'm in hell." He whimpered. He took his first few steps, avoiding contact with both the cows, and any of their fresh 'pies'. As much as he wanted to, none of his weapons were with him, and, even if he did, the cows seemed too... cowy for him to hurt... did I seriously just type that down? You did. Ugh... anyways, Deadpool made his way out, and, getting out of the cattle, he ran away a few feet. He turned to the cows, cheering in victory. "YES!!! YES!!! F**K YOU, COWS!!! YOU'RE ONLY GOOD FOR MILK AND MY TACOS, BEEOTCH!!!" "Ah wouldn't say that." Applejack said. Deadpool turned to the farm pony. "YOU!!! HOLD STILL WHILE I STRANGLE YOU!!!" "You won't." She pulled a toy snake out from her back and threw it in the herd of cows. "Ya'll better run." Loud & panicked moos were heard, followed by heavy footsteps. He turned to the stampede heading for him... and followed by memories of The Lion King. ...We should've worn the brown pants. "AAAAHHH!!!" Deadpool screamed like a woman, turning and running away from the stampede of cows! While Deadpool's years of combat training seemed to help... just the idea of being chased by cows made him slow down; fear took a hold of him! A Dead tree was in the way and he jumped into the Dead tree, holding on for dear life! "MOMMY!!! DADDY!!! JESUS!!! TOM SELLECK!!!" On Earth. Tom Selleck looked up from his crossword puzzle. He looked around, but shrugged, going back to his puzzle. Back. Like a Deus Ex Machina device, Princess Luna flapped her wings over Deadpool. "LUNA!!!" He yelled "Please!!! I need to ride you!!!" "Did you mean that sexually?" Luna asked "Both if you get me outta here!!!" "Hm... I don't know..." "Come on!!!" "I mean... this is quite funny, seeing you, the Merc with the Mouth, cry for help from cows and holding on to a dead tree," the tree cracked, making Deadpool scream. "And, you have your healing factor, so I don;t have to worry about your health that much." "God Dammit, Luna!!! What do you want!?" "For you to stop calling me mooncheeks." "Done!!!" "And for you to take selfies again." "Been doing that!" "And sign this contract." She levitated documents to him. He hasitly signed the papers. "Good, hop on." Deadpool jumped onto Luna's back and she flew off. The two landed outside Ponyville park. "Oh... thank you! Thank you so much, Luna!!!" "Your very welcome. And now, your payment." Her horn glowed and Deadpool shrunk. "Hey! What the-!?" "Aww... you're so cute! Don't worry, we're gonna have some fun." "W-Wait? What!?" "You signed my contract! According to my contract, now, whenever you're feeling horny, you're going to have to do what I feel like doing. Right now, I shrunk you, and you are going to have to enter-" "Oh... my... yes! Wait... MrAquino?" I ain't typing that s**t!!! End chapter!!! Author's Note If you want to write the various kinks... go ahead. I ain't posing them, though Join my team.Everypony in Ponyville watched in silence as Deadpool ran around with his phone, laughing like a madman. Twilight Sparkle poked at Pinkie. "Pinkie Pie," she spoke "whay is Deadpool acting like this?" "Because he lost most of his sanity and can see that we're nothing more but characters by by companies for profit?" Pinkie asked "... Uh... no... I mean, why is he running around with his phone like that? He's not taking his 'selfies', nor is there anything of interest in front of him... not unless he's seeing things through his phone." "Oh!!! That!!! Don't worry, I too have that game!" "What!? What Game!?" Deadpool tackled Twilight. "HOLD STILL, PIKACHU!!!" He yelled. "Deadpool!!! Stop!" "NEVER!!! I GOTTA CATCH THEM ALL!!!" "Catch what!?" "POKEMON GO!!!" Luna appeared next to him. "Pokemon!?" She asked, looking around "Where!?" "In my phone!" Luna peaked. On Deadpool's phone, a Pikachu laid on Twilight's head. "Holy s**t! Where can I get this!?" "With your own cell phone." "Hold on!" Twilight yelled "What the heck's a Pokemon!?" Deadpool, Luna, and Pinkie with the rest of the taco squad gasped with anime faces. "You don't know what Pokemon is!?" They all asked in unison. "Uh... no... and I don't think anypony does either." "Oh-ho-ho-ho!!! Then we'll show you! Care to join me, Luna?" "...I am not the singing type," Luna replied, "But... yes... we shall sing." Discord summoned instruments and Music played Deadpool Luna Everyone ♫I wanna be the very best Like no one ever was To catch them is my real test To train them is my cause I will travel across the land Searching far and wide Each pokemon to understand The power that's inside♫ ♫Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all! It's you and me I know it's my destiny, Pokemon! Oh you're my best friend In a world we must defend Pokemon! A heart so true Our courage will pull us through, You teach me and I'll teach you, Pokemon! Gotta catch'em all!♫ ♫Every challenge along the way With courage I will face. I will battle every day To claim my rightful place. Come with me, The time is right, There's no better team. Arm in arm we'll win the fight! It's always been our dream!♫ ♫Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all! It's you and me I know it's my destiny, Pokemon! Oh you're my best friend In a world we must defend Pokemon! A heart so true Our courage will pull us through, You teach me and I'll teach you, Pokemon! Gotta catch'em all! ♫ Discord did his solo guitar solo for the song. "Oh yeah! Get that guitar rift!" Deadpool said, holding out his phone. "You're attracting the Butterfree's!" ♫Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all! It's you and me I know it's my destiny, Pokemon! Oh you're my best friend In a world we must defend Pokemon! A heart so true Our courage will pull us through, You teach me and I'll teach you, Pokemon! Gotta catch'em all! ♫ The sudden crowd of ponies around cheered, though Twilight was on stage, confused looking. "Uh... that's very interesting." she commented "but... what exactly is a Pokemon? Can you give me a list?" "...Twilie... get ready." Deadpool spoke "And folks at home, I know I have a one song limit per chapter, but this is an exception... and this all G1! Luna, if you please?" "Of course." Fluffle Puff prepared some pictures of Pokemon. Luna cleared her throat as she floated on a cloud. ♫I want to be the best there ever was. To beat all the rest, yeah that's my cause.♫ Electrode, Diglett, Nidoran, Mankey Venusaur, Rattata, Fearow, Pidgey Seaking, Jolteon, Dragonite, Gastly Ponyta, Vaporeon, Poliwrath, Butterfree ♫Catch 'em, catch 'em, gotta catch 'em all Pokemon! I'll search across the land, look far and wide, release from my hand the power that's inside.♫ Venomoth, Poliwag, Nidorino, Golduck Ivysaur, Grimer, Victreebel, Moltres Nidoking, Farfetch'd, Abra, Jigglypuff Kingler, Rhyhorn, Clefable, Wigglytuff ♫Catch 'em, catch 'em, gotta catch 'em all, Gotta catch 'em all, Pokemon!♫ Zubat, Primeape, Meowth, Onix Geodude, Rapidash, Magneton, Snorlax Gengar, Tangela, Goldeen, Spearow Weezing, Seel, Gyarados, Slowbro ♫Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all, yeah! Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all, yeah! Gotta catch 'em all, Pokemon!♫ Kabuto, Persian, Paras, Horsea Raticate, Magnemite, Kadabra, Weepinbell Ditto, Cloyster, Caterpie, Sandshrew Bulbasaur, Charmander, Golem, Pikachu ♫At least 100 and 50 or more to see. To be a Pokemon master is my destiny.♫ Alakazam, Doduo, Venonat, Machoke Kangaskhan, Hypno, Electabuzz, Flareon Blastoise, Poliwhirl, Oddish, Drowzee Raichu, Nidoqueen, Bellsprout, Starmie "We're at the halfway point, doing great so far." Luna commented "We?" Deadpool asked "What's all this 'we' stuff? I'm doing all the hard work!" "Breaktime's over, here we go!" Metapod, Marowak, Kakuna, Clefairy Dodrio, Seadra, Vileplume, Krabby Lickitung, Tauros, Weedle, Nidoran Machop, Shellder, Porygon, Hitmonchan ♫Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all, yeah! Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all, yeah!♫ Articuno, Jynx, Nidorina, Beedrill Haunter, Squirtle, Chansey (Pokemon) Parasect, Exeggcute, Muk, Dewgong Pidgeotto, Lapras, Vulpix, Rhydon ♫At least 150 or more to see. To be a Pokemon master is my destiny.♫ Charizard, Machamp, Pinsir, Koffing Dugtrio, Golbat, Staryu, Magikarp Ninetales, Ekans, Omastar Scyther, Tentacool, Dragonair, Magmar "Whoa, catch your breath Wade." Luna spoke, gently tapping Deadpool's shoulder "Shake out those lips." "It's downhill from here, just 24 more to go." Deadpool replied "Now it gets tricky so listen real good." Sandslash, Hitmonlee, Psyduck, Arcanine Eevee, Exeggutor, Kabutops, Zapdos Dratini, Growlithe, Mr. Mime, Cubone Graveler, Voltorb, Gloom We're almost home! ♫Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all, yeow! Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all, huaw! Gotta catch 'em all, Pokemon!♫ Charmeleon, Wartortle Mewtwo, Tentacruel, Aerodactyl Omanyte, Slowpoke Pidgeot, Arbok That's all folks! ♫Catch 'em, catch 'em, gotta catch 'em all Ooh, Gotta catch 'em all, Pokemon.. Catch 'em, catch 'em, gotta catch 'em all Ooh, Gotta catch 'em all, Pokemon.. Catch 'em, catch 'em, gotta catch 'em all Gotta catch 'em all, Pokemon!♫ Deadpool fainted. Luna poked at him. "Hm... Deadpool has fainted." She said, followed by holding up a Pokeball herself. "It's super effective." She threw the pokeball and 'captured' Deadpool. "There we go... and, for this occasion, Deadpool, we'll have our own battle when you wake up... a roleplay you're certain to love... what's the sexiest Pokemon, though?" Many of the ponies immediately walked away as fast as they can... though many stood in line as the Taco squad sold Pokemon merchandise, including some bootleg games Author's Note Just got Pokemon Go... can't... stop... playing!!! Have more Pokemon crap!!! Gotta watch 'em all!!! FINALLY!!! Ponies 173 and 174: Dinky Doo and Amethyst Star FINALLY!!! Ponies 173 and 174: Dinky Doo and Amethyst Star In Ponyville's park, a grey-pink unicorn filly with a yellow mane & tail sat down with a pink unicorn mare with a purple mane & tail. The mare sat on a simple blanket with their own basket, though the filly bounced a ball on her head & muzzle, having some fun. This however, almost ruined her record as it bounced further than she could make it to. Everything went in slow-mo with fitting dramatic music "NNNOOOO~~~!!!" The filly screamed. Just by a centimeter, before the ball even touched the floor, Deadpool's head erupted from the floor, bouncing the ball back to the filly. The sight, however, made her scream, running to the picnic with the unicorn mare. "Wait! Come back!" Deadpool yelled "I'm a diglett!!! I'm a famous Pokemon with creepy fan art!" "Oh great... Deadpool." The mare groaned. "Relax Dinky, he's not gonna hurt you... just annoy you." "Hey! I don't annoy people! I bring entertainment with great, sophisticated humor that surpasses all those crappy cartoons today... oh come on! Another link!?" "Whatever... how did you get here? Weren't you whisked away by Luna?" "Yes I was. To avoid Dinky being scarred mentally, I shall activate the spoilers. Princess Luna and I roleplayed our battle. She was dressed up as an Absol, a new Pokemon, but, I digress. See, she was that, and I was dressed up as a Hitmonchan. As you can expect, it was pretty violent, at least, in Pokemon standards... and for the PC people who know Pokemon is praised animal fighting, but, again, I digress. But, after our fight, she fell asleep, and I escaped, trying to find more pokemon... only to fall down a hole, get chased by some weirdos, and appear here. So... little help?" "...Fine." Her horn glowed and Deadpool came out with a 'pop'. "I take it that you wish to join us?" "Oh yes!" He wiped himself from the dust. "Good. My sister and I are having peanut butter jelly sandwiches, and you can-" She paused as Deadpool was in a banana suit. "... why me?" "It's peanut Butter Jelly Time! Peanut Butter Jelly time!!!" Before he could sing, a sandwich slammed into his face! "NO SINGING!!! It's bad enough that my sister now wants to hunt pokemon, and I don't want her to sing another annoying song! Now take that suit off or else!!!" "...Ok." He turned to the bush where the taco squad hid. "Sorry, not now." His squad groaned, each member walking off in their own banana suit... but were chased by Celestia. He sat with the two ponies. Dinky and her sister munched on their sandwiches, though Deadpool gazed into the abyss as he couldn't sing... nor did anything. Uh... Deadpool? Deadpool? Are you okay? Uh... hold on... let's see here... ah! Derpy and her husband arrived to the two. "There you two are!" Derpy exclaimed "I've been trying to find you two." "They left us a note, darling." Her husband replied, holding said note. "They said they were going to the park." "You can't be too sure, Doc. It's called 'The Mother's touch'. Now come along you two! Dinky, you still have your interview assignment, and Amethyst... find a house, okay?" "Yes, mom." Amethyst groaned. Dinky approached to Deadpool. "Mister? Can I have than interview?" This got Deadpool to snap out of it. "Ooh! Yes! I'm open for that interview!!! No problem!" "So you're pretty popular around here, is that correct?" "Absolutely, I'm the boss. "Well, so take us through a normal day in the life of, "The Boss". " "Well the first thing I do is..." ♫Talk to corporate!" (like a boss) Approve memos (like a boss) Lead a workshop (like a boss) Remember birthdays (like a boss) Direct work-flow (like a boss) My own bathroom (like a boss) Micro-manage (like a boss) Promote synergy (like a boss) Hit on Deborah (like a boss) Get rejected (like a boss) Swallow sadness (like a boss) Send some faxes (like a boss) Call a sex line (like a boss) Cry deeply (like a boss) Demand a refund (like a boss) Eat a bagel (like a boss) Harassment Lawsuit (like a boss) No Promotion (like a boss) 5th of vodka (like a boss) S**t on Deborah's desk (like a boss) Buy a gun (like a boss) In my mouth (like a boss) ♫ Oh f**k man, I can't f*****g do it, s**t! ♫Pussy out (like a boss) Puke on Deborah's desk (like a boss) Jump out the windows (like a boss) Suck a dude's d**k (like a boss) Score some coke (like a boss) Crash my car (like a boss) Suck my own d**k (like a boss) Eat some chicken strips (like a boss) Chop my balls off (like a boss) Black out in the sewer (like a boss) Meet a giant fish (like a boss) F**k his brains out (like a boss) Turn into a jet (like a boss) Bomb the Russians (like a boss) Crash into the Sun (like a boss) Now I'm dead (like a boss) ♫ "Uh huh. So that's an... average day for you then?" Dinky asked, shocked. "No doubt." "You chopped your balls off and die?" "Hell yeah." "And I think at one point there you said something about sucking..." "Nope." "Actually, I'm pretty sure you did." "Nah, that ain't me." "OK, well this has been VERY eye-opening for me." "I'm the boss." "Ya, I know, I got that. You said it about 400 times. " "I'm the boss." "Ya, ya, I got it". "I'm the boss." "No, I heard you, see you later!" She ran away, back to her family "Like a boss" Author's Note NNNEEERRRDDD!!! Pony # 175: Quibble PantsDeadpool squeed around him. Some ponies became big fans of Deadpool, and to show their affection, they made Dead-Con, a comic con-ish convention where everything is Deadpool themed. Many ponies walked around cosplaying as the Merc with the mouth, some looking like legit ponified Deadpools, others with costumes that look worse than- "We're not going back there, MrAquino!" He yelled. Awe~! Look! Even some of the fiwwies are dwessing up as us! Indeed. Now, proceed with the describing of the convention, please? Of course, Stuffy. All around Deadpool, there were different stores open, each different from the others. One sold different statues, each in different poses, next to that was one that sold plushies, and next to that one sold different posters & artwork of Deadpool. The one that got his attention, however, was- "BODY PILLOWS!!!" He yelled, running and holding a pillow of himself, snuggling with it. "Mmm... so comfy! I swear, if Mooncheeks and I break up, I'm going to get one of these pillows and, just like Justin Beiber, love myself." Ew. Wait... if you have sex with yourself... is it gay or a different version of mast-? "Wow! Great costume." Another voice spoke. "AHH!!! RAT!!!" Deadpool screamed, jumping and holding onto the roof of the stall. "Rat? Where!?" Deadpool looked down to see a slightly pudgy, tan, earth pony stallion with a Daring Do colored mane & style. "Oh! Nevermind, you just sound like a rat." "...Uh... how, exactly?" He landed near the stallion. "You're voiced by Patton Oswalt. He voices you and Remmy from Ratatouille." "...Okay... well, you seem well in character, good sir." "In character!?" "Yeah! You got Deadpool's costume right in everyway! Name's Quibble Pants. What's your name?" "...I AM DEADPOOL!!! MERC WITH THE MOUTH!!! THE REGENERATING DEGENERATE!!! THE-" "Yeah, yeah, it's good that you're in character, but it seems other ponies are doing it as well." "I'm not acting as Deadpool. I AM Deadpool." "Pfft! Yeah, and I'm Daring Do." "Ahem! Do I look like a pony!?" "No, of course not. ...You're probably a Minotaur. I've never meet a Minotaur, before!" Deadpool face palmed himself. "I do not have horns." "I know... it's fine, not every bull gets horns as fast." "What the-!? Ohh! You're making me angry!" "Hey, it's okay to be under performing from your family tree." "I am the real Deadpool!" "Do you have proof?" Deadpool took off his mask. "How's this!?" "...Hm... nice use of cornflakes, man! That really does look like you're ugly." "Why you little-!" He pulled out his phone and showed his selfies. "Bam! My selfies with everypony!" "Ooh! How'd you get his cellphone! Did you get his cellphone after he tossed it away, never doing selfies again?" "I still take selfies!!!" "You found a way to use his phone?" "... Know what? I think we should o something that the real Deadpool knows how to do: Sing! ... And not the Cheap looking Zootopia film with twerking bunnies." "...What?" "Hit it!" Quibble Pants stood on a podium, wearing a nurse outfit, and below, Deadpool was surrounded by the other cosplayers "May I have your attention please?" Quibble Pants asked as music began to play. "May I have your attention please? Will the real Wade Wilson please stand up? I repeat will the real Wade Wilson please stand up?We're going to have a problem here." ♫Y'all act like you never seen a Canadian before Jaws all on the floor like Lee and Kirby just burst in the door Started whoopin' your ass worse than before, they first just beat yours Throwing you over furniture It's the return of the "Oh wait, no way, your kidding, He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?" And Slade Wilson said Nothing you idiots Slade Wilson's dead, he's locked in my basement (ha ha) Pegasis' women love Aquino, chicka chicka chicka "Wade Wilson I'm sick of him Look at him, walking around grabbing his you know what Flippin' the you know who" "yeah, but he's funny though" Yeah I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose But no worse than what's going on in your parent's bedrooms Sometimes I want to get on TV and just let loose, but can't, But it's cool for Wolvie to hump a dead moose My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips And if I'm lucky you might just give it a little kiss And that's the message that we deliver to little kids And expect them not to know what the Killing Joke is. Of course they gonna know what insanity is by the time they hit 4th grade, They got the all cartoon channels, don't they? We ain't nothing but mammals, Well some of us cannibals, who cut other people open like cantaloupes. But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope But if you feel like I feel I got the antidote. Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes♫ ♫I'm Wade Wilson, yes I'm the real Deadpool All you other Wade Wilsons are just imitating So won't the real Wade Wilson, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 'Cause I'm Wade Wilson, yes I'm the real Deadpool All you other Wade Wilsons are just imitating So won't the real Wade Wilson, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up♫ ♫Batman don't gotta kill in his films to sell tickets Well I do, so f**k him and f**k you too. You think I give a damn about a Grammy? Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me. "But Wade what if you win wouldn't it be weird?" Why? So you guys can just lie to get me here? So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears. S**t, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first. Little b***h put me on blast on M-T-V "Yeah he's cute but I think he's married to Kim, he he" I should download her audio on mp3 And show the whole world how you gave Aquino V.D. I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups all you do is annoy me So I've been sent here to destroy you And there's a million of us just like me Who cuss like me, who just don't give a f**k like me, who dress like me Walk, talk and act like me, it just might be the next best thing, But not quite me♫ ♫'Cause I'm Wade Wilson, yes I'm the real Deadpool All you other Wade Wilsons are just imitating So won't the real Wade Wilson, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 'Cause I'm Wade Wilson, yes I'm the real Deadpool All you other Wade Wilsons are just imitating So won't the real Wade Wilson, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up♫ ♫I'm like a head trip to listen to 'Cause I'm only giving you, things you joke about with your friends Inside your living room The only difference is I got the balls to say it in front of y'all And I don't gotta be false or sugar coat it at all I just get on the mic and spit it, and whether you like to admit it (rip) I just s**t it better than 90 percent of you rappers out there Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums, it's funny 'Cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting. Pinching nurses asses when I'm jackin' off with Jergens And I'm jerking, but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working And every single person is a Wade Wilson lurkin' he could be workin' at Burger King Spitten on your onion rings Or in the parking lot circling, Screaming I don't give a f**k with his windows down and system up So will the real Wilson, please stand up And put one of those fingers on each hand up And to be proud to be outta your mind and outta control And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?♫ ♫'Cause I'm Wade Wilson, yes I'm the real Deadpool All you other Wade Wilsons are just imitating So won't the real Wade Wilson, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 'Cause I'm Wade Wilson, yes I'm the real Deadpool All you other Wade Wilsons are just imitating So won't the real Wade Wilson, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 'Cause I'm Wade Wilson, yes I'm the real Deadpool All you other Wade Wilsons are just imitating So won't the real Wade Wilson, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 'Cause I'm Wade Wilson, yes I'm the real Deadpool All you other Wade Wilsons are just imitating So won't the real Wade Wilson, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up♫ "Haha, I guess there's a Wade Wislon in all of us," Deadpool concluded, riding Luna's back. "F**k it, Let's all stand up." As soon as it ended, everyone blinked, wondering what just happened. Quibble pants only concluded with one thing. "...You're really Deadpool." "Yep! And now, I must go and ride my beautiful Luna... both ways." Luna smirked as she put on her own Deadpool mask. "...How do you see through this thing?" "Years of experience, Mooncheeks, just like what you're going to get." "Mmm... kinky." The crowd of cosplayers cringed at the thought of the two getting it on again. "Oh quit your whining! Be glad I'm not making fun of you virgins! Onwards!!!" Luna flapped her wings, breaking through the ceiling, and headed to Cloud 9... both ways. Author's Note Fun fact: My Uncle actually cosplays at Comic Con as his own character, a sky pirate, but not for fun like us, but to get lucky... no, not cosplay contests, but for the ladies. Dirty, I know, but, eh, he's in California and he does strange jobs, so what can I say? My Baby!!! Changeling #2: Thorax"Friendship lessons can happen anywhere." Starlight concluded. Bot her and Twilight watched as Spike and his new Changeling friend, Thorax, were lifted and cheered by the soldiers and locals... but it ended as soon as they heard a window crashing. Everypony turned to see Deadpool had entered, holding and equipped with various cans of Raid. "And a Copy of the Raid Redemption." He added, throwing the box over his shoulder. "Alright... where's the changeling b*****d?" "Deadpool!" Cadence yelled "Why are you-!?" "THERE HE IS!!!" He ran and grabbed Flurryheart from her crib, holding the can of Raid at the Changeling's face. "BACK OFF!!! YOU'RE NOT GONNA HURT MAH BABY!!!" "Your baby!?" Thorax and Shining Armor asked in unison. "Back off! You're not gonna eat this baby! She's mine! Mine!!!" "...Um... am I missing something?" Thorax asked. Deadpool sprayed him. "AHH!!! MY EYES!!!" "Ooh! It works like pepper spray!" "Deadpool!" Twilight demanded. "What the hay are you-!?" "Changeling test!!!" He sprayed her in the eyes. Twilight fell to the floor, screaming in pain. "Deadpool!" Spike demanded. "Changeling Test!!!" He football kicked Spike, kicking him through the wide door. "Deadpool!" Shining Armor growled "Changeling-!!!" A spear came right through his heart... literally. "...Wow, really? In front of the baby? That's f**ked up, even for me." Cadence took her baby away with her magic. "She's mine, thank you!" "Your welcome... unless..." "There's no other changelings around!" Thorax spoke, rubbing his eyes from the tears. "I'm the only one around." "Oh yeah!? I've seen what your kind can do! And I've played plenty of G-Mod Prop hunt games!" "G-Mod?" "Garry's Mod. But... ALRIGHT!!!" He pulled out a shotgun. "There's some Changeling b****es around here, and I don't want them around!" "...But I just said-." "And how do we know you're not lying at all!?" "He's my friend." Spike spoke, reentering the room. "Yeah, but friends hide things from each other! Like the time I found out who stole my Virginity... Part of the Christmas special, I believe, but not now! I must go and find the changelings... by shooting everything!" 5 Days Later "No changelings were around." "...Deadpool.... you just stood there for five days." Cadence spoke, rocking Flurry Heart to sleep. "Silence! I will deal with the Changeling myself!" "But he's-" Deadpool disappeared. "...And there he goes." Deadpool landed in the cave where Thorax slept in. The Merc pulled a bullhorn out and woke the napping Changeling, making him scream. "Get up you piece of bug s**t!!!" Deadpool demanded, pulling out his swords. "I'm gonna have some lobster!" Lobster!? Crabs and Lobsters are insects, silly! ...Can't believe I forgot about that. "D-Deadpool!?" Thorax asked in shock "I-I-I don't want any trouble, sir! I-I just wanna learn the magic of friendship!" "Bah! You changelings and your lies! The only way you can be a friend with me is if you were me!" "... You mean like this?" In green flames, Thorax changed into an exact copy of Deadpool. The Merc screamed. "Oh? Is there something wrong? I mean, I can change the voice." He cleared his throat and had the same voice as Deadpool. "Oh hi! I'm Deadpool! Wanna be friends?" "This is not happening! There can only be one Deadpool! The other Deadpools belong in their own universe and continuity!" "Uh... is that something I should know?" "Very much, indeed. But I doubt you have a healing factor... do changeling have healing factors?" "... It took me a week to get back up after being blown away from the Canterlot wedding." "... Nope!" He tossed one of his swords to Thorax. "Now... there can only be one Merc with the mouth!" "What!? I-I'm not taking your spot!" "That's what ANY changeling will say! But you're dealing with not The Deadpool, you're Dealing with THE Deadpool that has many requests for a crossover in the near future, and including, what I'm hoping will happen, Geralt of Rivia from the Witcher series!" "...Who?" Deadpool was now in black armor with a long, white wig on his head. "Me, b***h." He growled. "Now... die." "What!?" ~~Deadpool~~ Geralt took out his sword and circled the Changeling, ready for his ~~victim's~~ enemy's attacks. The changeling readied his weapon, but was shivering in fear, unsure how to fight with a sword. Our hero swung first, clashing with Thorax's sword. Thorax whimpered as he began to block the various blows thrown at him. "You're pretty good," ~~Deadpool~~ Geralt spoke to Thorax as they were in a struggle. "But not good enough." "Please, sir!" Thorax begged "I just want to be friends with everyone!" "That's the same thing any spy would say!" He kicked the changeling away and charged at it, ready to deliver the final blow. Thorax squeaked and, in green fire, turned back into his self and flapped his wings. "You're insane! I just want to know the true meaning of Friendship!" "Yeah, and I-" A boulder fell on his head... and finally, I can go back to just calling him Deadpool. Deadpool awoke to see that he was in the Crystal Empire Hospital (as foretold by the beeping and how everything looks white.) We didn't kill the Changeling, did we? That Changeling wanted to be a friend. "That changeling wanted to be a friend!?" Deadpool Demanded. Seriously? You're an idiot, you know that? "Well excu~se me! I'm not the guys voting for either Hilary or Trump! I'm Canadian, so I'm not going to suffer from your choices! Have fun with either a Feminazi or a racist Oompa Loompa!" He teleported away before Cadence entered with a frying pan labeled 'Deadpool's punishment'. Deadpool picked up Thorax. "What the-!?" He yelled "Thorax! You wish to learn the adventures of friendship!?" "...uh... I did... up until you attacked me... with that music and... weird, gruff voice." "Well that Boulder made me reevaluate my goals and I want to help you!" "...Really?" "No, but this should be fun! Thorax, you're going to learn the six elements of Friendship, the Deadpool way!" "Uh... and how is that going to work, sir?" He grabbed Thorax. "Like this!" He teleported the two out of Thorax's cave and outside. Then, Deadpool ran north, holding the Changeling above his head. "FRIENDSHIP!!! AWAY!!!" "I'M NOT ENJOYING THIS!!!" Author's Note Stay tuned for the 6 parter as Deadpool teaches Thorax all of the elements of Harmony in his way. Phil Collins would be proud. (Tarzan Joke) Kindness. Griffons #2 & 3: Gabby and Grandpa GruffDeadpool and Thorax arrived at the gates of the Griffon kingdom, both wearing Mongolian outfits. Herro Mongorians. That's enough South Park for you. "There's never such a thing as too much South Park!" Deadpool spoke. "Uh... who are you talking to?" Thorax asked "No one in particular, my buggy friend." "o...k. And why are we here?" "Your first lesson is Kindness!" "... Couldn't we do that back home? Aren't Griffons greedy creatures with an anger problem?" Deadpool slapped him in the back of the head. "OW!!!" "Oh, excuse me! Are all changelings nothing more but love sucking drones with no free will and wish to ensalve and, thanks to many head canons, metamorphosize their victims into more changelings?" "... Ok, I deserve that." "Damn straight! F**king racist, Donald Trump supporter." He lead the way. "And I find it that the best way to learn something is be in it! Trust me, this is why I'm considered a bit misogynistic... except for the balls... the balls never work.... Oh! I think I found our first customers! Vamanos!" In a lone, worn down house, a young, blue-grey griffon with the head of a hawk helped out an elderly, gray griffon that wore a fez, and a scar over his messed up eye. The young one, with the last whack of a hammer, set up a new wallpaper that had the faces of the past kings. "All done, Grandpa Gruff," she spoke with enthusiasm. "with this wallpaper up, you won't see the sunlight." Deadpool slightly ripped off the other side of the wallpaper and stuck his head in, replacing one of the kings with his own face. "Are you sure about that?" He asked "Gah!!! Monster!" The old Griffon yelled, jumping and clawing at Deadpool's face. Deadpool stayed there, blank as his face bleed wildly. "...Ow." He stuck his head back and reattached the face back in place. Then, he teleported in with Thorax in his arms. "At last! I have arrived to Griffinstone! And it's all thanks to Dank memes!" "...What?" Everyone asked. Deadpool flipped a waterbottle in the air, in which it landed right on the head of the young griffon, bottom up. He followed by dropping Thorax and did the dab, and, following the annoying and idiotic vines around dank memes, the volume went near deaf volumes with the bass shaking everything and a close in on a paused Deadpool in rainbow colors and various other memes that no one talks about in real life, with the exception being the news and MLG news. However, this happened in his head, and everyone just stared awkwardly at the paused Deadpool. "... Are you a changeling?" The young Griffon asked "Uh... yeah, I am. Name's Thorax." "Gabby." "Deadpool." Deadpool stated. "I'm Gay." A random stallion added. "I'm a lesbian." a mare added. "I'm actually pansexual." A minotaur added "I'm Transgender." A griffon added I'M A LEMON!!! ENOUGH WITH THESE GOD DAMN DANK MEMES!!! "GET THE F**K OUTTA MY ROOM; I'M PLAYING MINECRAFT!!!" Deadpool yelled, throwing an x-box 360 controller down to the floor... followed by an unnecessary- Ignore Patrick. The house was destroyed with everyone covered in black smoke from said explosion. "...Ow." Thorax simply spoke. Deadpool shook himself off. "Whoo! That was awesome! Let's have another Dank Meme compilation! Emisoccer or Wolfy?" "No... not again!" Gabby spoke. She was lifted by the Merc. "Aww~! I almost forgot; the newest cutie mark crusader and first griffin member, Gabby!" "...You know me?" "The whole Brony community knows you! And you must be Grandpa Gruff, or, as we, the fans, speculate, King Gudo!!!" "What the heck are you blabbering about!?" The old griffin hacked. "Fan art! Fanfictions! Fan Theories! They all point to you as a king as MattPatt points how Mario's more of a psychopath than me!" "... I'm outta here." He left the scene, grumbling to himself. "Wait! Come back!!! Aw man, this is almost as bad as how I shot Harambe." WHAT!?!?!? Ok... seems like the cat's out of the bag... yeah... Deadpool shot a gorilla, believing he was reenacting a scene from Rise of the planet of the apes. I have no idea how, but, it's Deadpool... he's an idiot. But, back to the fic... A badly bruised Deadpool stood with Thorax and Gabby. "Wait... are you Deadpool!?" Gabby asked in excitement. "The one and only!" Deadpool boasted. "The Merc with the Mouth at your service!" Gabby tackled and hugged him tightly. "OH MY GOODNESS!!! I finally meet Deadpool! I've heard so much about you! I'm basically you're biggest fan!" "Heh, better than my other biggest fans." HEY!!! "But what about me?" Thorax asked "What's this lesson about?" "Ah! See, Thorax," Deadpool explained "this is Kindness. As you can see, just by me being hugged by Gabby is a sign of kindness; gentle, yet firm, like every man's second brain." "Humans have a second brain?" Gabby asked. "It's an expression. And watch as how I'm kind with her, Thorax." He hugged the Griffin, taking the bottom of his mask off, and blew raspberries onto her tummy. Gabby began to laugh wildly at the expression, finding the whole thing ticklish. EWW~!!! There's feathers in out mouth! And Fur. Deadpool spat out the mix of fur and feathers in his mouth, putting his mask back on. "See?" He asked "Kindness." "... So I should do what you do on everypony else?" The changeling asked. "Uh... no. Just don't a d**k with anybody... or a f**kboi... never go full f**kboi... and don't vape and say you're a vegan, feminist, or a supporter of any political party or religion. Trust me, you don't want the internet to go against you, especially the PC people on PC that follow PC on her PC." "...Noted... what do we do now?" "To the next lesson, of course! Onwards! We're going to have some fun!" "Ooh! Can I join?" Gabby asked. "But of course! The more, the merrier! Just make your OC." "...OC?" Thorax and Gabby asked in unison. Deadpool put on an a hoodie that was very similar to those from the Assassins creed games... minus the glitch faces. "Join me, Pool-o-Dead, in the only true nerdy thing I can get behind." Author's Note DND special next. Gotta play some Borderlands to get the feeling well. Laughter: DND SpecialDeadpool, Thorax, and Gabby all sat down at the table with Big Mac, Spike, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Discord. Thorax looked confused about the whole game, unsure what they're supposed to do. “Welcome to another game of Ogres and Obulets.” Spike introduced them. “It seems that today, we have three new party members. Please, introduce us who you are and what class you'll be.” “I am Randicus!” Deadpool introduced himself. “The assassin who seeks gold and a worthy challenge.” “Ooh! I'm Angela… the healer.” Gabby introduced her character. “I make sure there's good in the world!” “... Uh… how do you do this?” Thorax asked. Everyone but Spike groaned. “You make your own character and choose the main class you'll be. You'll get the hang of it soon enough.” “Uhh… I'm guessing… it's… Disguisey… and…. I'm a… Shape Shifter?” “There’s no shape shifter class in ogres and oubliettes!” Discord snapped. “... Then a mage?” “Perfect!” Spike exclaimed. “And now, we shall begin the game. The Scenario: We’re all near the Squizard’s castle, ready to take down our foe… ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The group of warriors stood over a mountain side, seeing the castle of the Squizard that took over their home land. There was Garbuncle, a small dragon that wore a green cloak & hat and was a powerful wizard himself; Sir McBiggen, the unicorn stallion that was the most honorable warrior and fine blacksmith; Captain Wuzz, the archer from a land far off with his host of strange, mixed match creatures; Sing-A-Long, the bard that joined them to be a great distraction to enemies and to sing songs for everyone about heroes; and finally, Rogue Spectre, a thief that joined them for not honor or to save the world, but for the gold that laid inside the Squizard’s throne. Appearing next to them was the assassin, Randicus, noticeable by the dark red robes he wore, and the eerie mask he wore to protect his identity. “What is the news, Randicus?” Garbuncle asked. “The Squizard is well protected, almighty Garbuncle.” Randicus answered “It will be near impossible for us to enter heads on.” “But what about sneaking around?” Rogue Spectre asked “Surely, there’s a way around.” “Aye. Angela and Disguisey are there, waiting for us as we speak. They’re hiding, though Disguisey is… well… disguised as them.” He took out a knife. “Shall we take them out quietly?” “But of course. Though, I think we should make it easier.” Garbuncle suggested. “Ooh! I think I know just the thing!” Sing-A-Long bounced. “And I shall assist her.” Randicus added “But Randicus-.” Sir Mc Biggen spoke. “The wizard needs more protection than us. Besides, you’d make a terrible singer.” He grabbed onto Sing-A-Long and, tapping into his dark magic, teleported the two to the near gates. The rest of the group followed Garbuncle, shrouding them in a spell of invisibility. The outside gates was surrounded by a majority of the Squizard’s undead army. Many of them were skeletons, but a couple were still rotting corpses. Both Randicus and Sing-A-Long entered near the front gates. “Oi! Squizard!” Randicus yelled. Out of the window, the Squizard, a squid with a cap, pointy hat, and wielded two wands, looked out of from his window. “RANDICUS!?!?!?” He yelled in pure anger. “MEN!!! DESTROY THEM!!!” The undead army lurched their way to them. “Wait!” Sing-A-Long yelled “We wanted to give you a song!” The army stopped. “...A song?” “Yep! A song made, specially for you!” “Hm… I haven’t heard of one in a while. What’s it about?” “How you’re a big fat b***h!” Randicus yelled as Sing-A-Long strummed her sitar. “♫WEEEEELLLLL-♫” “Don’t say it!” “♫...WEEEEELLLLL-♫” “Don’t do it, Randicus!” “♫...WEEEEELLLLL-♫” “I’m warning you!” “Ok, ok.” He turned and left. “Sheesh, glad I didn’t get annoyed by-” “♫WEEELL The squizard’s s a b***h, he's a big fat b***h, he's the biggest b***h in the whole wide world, he's a stupid b***h if there ever was a b***h, she's a b***h to all the boys and girls!♫” “SHUT YOUR F*****G MOUTH, RANDICUS!!!” “♫On Monday he's a b***h, on Tuesday he's a B***h, on Wensday though Saturday he's a b***h, then on Sunday just to be different she's a super King Kamehameha b****otch!♫ Come on, you know all the words!” The undead army joined “♫Have you ever met the Squid Wizard? He's the biggest b***h in the whole wide world he's a mean old b***h and she has stupid hair she's a b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h he's a stupid b***h! The Squizard’s a b***hand he's just a dirty b***h!♫ Talk to kids around the world and it might go a little bit somethin' like this!” Some Qilin joined in, followed by some ponies from France, Zwart Piet’s, and ended with some Zebras. “♫Have you ever met the Squid Wizard he's the biggest b***h in the whole wide world he's a mean old b***h and he has stupid hair, he's a b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h.” The crowd gasped as the Squizard was behind him. “b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h, he's a stupid b***h♫” “Uhh, Randy?” Sing-A-Long spoke “♫The Squizard’s a b***h and he's just a dirty b***h! I really mean it, the Squizard… he's a big fat f***ing b***h! A big ol' fat f***in' b***h, right now . . . . cheaa!♫” He paused as everyone stared. “What?” He turned around to be face to face with the Squizard. “...Aw f**k.” The group made it to their two other allies. Disguisey uncovered himself with his magic as he stood near the side entrance, followed by Angela, who was above. Disguisey wore a light version of Garbuncle’s costume, but was armed with a dagger, and Angela wore a simple dress, but had bottles of various herbs and other such small creatures. “About time you got here.” Disguisey spoke “Any longer, and we may have left to find you. … Where’s Randicus and Sing-A-Long?” “Distracting them.” Captain Wuzz answered. “Which way to the Squizard’s throne room?” “Follow me.” Disguisey casted his disguise spell, looking like a skeleton himself. “And what about us!?” Mc Biggen asked “Unlike you, big guy,” Rogue spectre spoke “I know my way to hide from plain sight.” “Don’t push it, Rogue Spectre!” “I know just the thing!” Captain Wuzz spoke, pulling out some handcuffs. “And sorry, but this will work.” He placed the cuffs around Angela and Mc Biggen. “Aw… and I wanted to fly ahead.” Angela whined. “You’d be detected early.” Garbuncle spoke, casting a spell to make himself invisible again. “I won’t be far behind. And what will you do, Captain Wuzz?” “What I always do, sir.” Wuzz answered, snapping his claw and shrinking himself. “I’ll be close.” “Ooh! He’s so small!” Angela spoke. “We know,” Disguisy spoke. “But look sad; if the Squizard knows about this, we may be in those cuffs as well.” They walked inside. Rogue Spectre, as she stated, kept her place in the shadows, hopping above the chandeliers and staying still to avoid any notices from the guards. Captain Wuzz kept to the side of the walls, and readied himself with catnip, in case the Squizard’s various cats thought that he was a mouse. Garbuncle himself followed behind the others. They made their way to the Squizard’s throne room, seeing Randicus and the Squid himself fighting! Randicus’ blade was crossed with the Squizard’s wands. They stopped as they saw the group enter. “GET HIM!!!” The Squizard yelled. “Oh no you won't!” Randicus replied, pulling out two balls and throwing them to the floor. Out from one ball was a skinny looking barbarian and the other was a wise looking Samurai warrior. “Crazco! Stuffington! Defend me!” The group revealed themselves. “... Oh, never mind.” “THAT'S IT!!!” The Squizard blasted Randicus to the group. He casted a spell and copied himself. “I'll give you one chance: join me, or perish!” “Never to the likes of you!” Garbuncle yelled. “Then meet our master, old friend.” All the Squizard’s clones charged… only to be squished by the roof. Entering was Lunar, the Valcary. “...That was easy.” “Luna!!!” Deadpool whined “We were having so much fun!” “Sorry,” Luna replied. “But I rolled the 20,fair and square.” “She's right.” Spike added, reading the book. “And with the Squizard defeated, our heroes take whatever they want with-” “Dat ass!” Deadpool yelled, rolling the die. It landed on a 14. “Did I get it!?” “... You do, but you now have Aids.” “Pfft! Big deal! I've always enjoyed that candy. And speaking of Candy! Nightmare Night is almost here, so you know what that means: Post all of your creepy Fics to MrAquino and we will tell them around a spooky campfire!” “Uh… Deadpool?” Thorax asked “What is this lesson about, anyways?” “Fun! Or Laughter! Next is a 2 for 1 lesson with Generosity and Honesty!” “... Ok… Can we play again? Perhaps with more action than… what Luna did.” “I’m vastly sorry for that,” Luna spoke “But the roll was done.” “Let’s go again!” Deadpool added, sitting down and back with the game, Rolling the die. “Come on! Papa’s gonna need a new pair of shoes!” Author's Note Please, submit your creepy Nightmare Night/ Halloween fics to me! I have one that will surely scare the living daylights out of you all!!! ... Or the peeps in this fic. Tales of the Macabre Author's Note Happy Nightmare Night. Here are the costumes I thought of: Deadpool as Powdered Toast Man Twilight as Ratchet Spike as Clank Rarity as A business pony Applejack as Paul Bunyan Pinkie Pie as a piece of Candy Rainbow Dash as JOHN CENA!!! Fluttershy as a Cat. Cadence as a Nurse Shining Armor as Alphonse elric And Bob as himself And if you're interested, I'm myself from the Fallout Universe, complete with a pipboy. Enjoy what I was able to pull out! Tales of the Macabre One Chilled Hallow's Eve I rose and sat down to writing For non have bothered to propose to the party, my invitings. So I crafted a macabre tale. There, in my darkened room, To achieve literary justice, and send each to their DOOM!!! We start with the most expendable. Greeting, Ms. Applejack For this worker, a stew of applesauce to slowly hack! Ah'm gonna get ya back soon, Mister Voice! One daaaaaaa....! What's this? Princess of Love, Cadence? Considering a new man? Cadence!? Have you seen Flurry Heat's diapers? I left right next to your toothbrush. Crystal Crystal, on the ball. I need myself a new husband ya'll! But the gypsy forces she envoked decided they would play a joke! AAAAAAAHHHHHOOOOOO!!!! Hey there, my love horse! This suit isn't going to clean itself! NEW!!! Oh, what's that say? NOO!!! And now we join a mare of- Hey! What about my doom!? Uh... you're already Bob. No sense in beating a dead horse. Oh, good point. And now we join a mare obsessed with dresses and decorations, And fanciness with perfection. And now, to add some of this glowing thread to my house. But you all know how these things go with unnatural magic. A puff of smoke, a greenish glow, voila! Abomination attack! What the-!? This was suppose to reduce my overhead! Not turn into my head! *NOM!!!* These two Libmans need to say bye. Let's eliminate a certain trait's shy! ... Oh! I can talk normal! WAZZUP!!! WAZZUP!!! Uh... then she exploded and killed Pinkie from a ton of gas... yeah. Cop out! Rainbow Dash, fast as the wind, But how fast can she fly if her limbs can't bend! What the-!? Huh... this isn't so bad. This kinda gives me the good vibes, surprisingly. Well I'll revise then, if you please. What if each leg had several knees? Hey! This is even better! Feels like I'm walking through pudding... and I love pudding! Mr. Voice, what you're doing isn't even scary... or original. Ooh! Now there's an idea! A crafy fad, once loved by all. I'll hang you on a 70's basement wall! AHH!!! MACRAME!!! MY SECOND WORST NIGHTMARE!!! But Dash? Daring Do does it all the time in the later books. I KNOW!!! IT SLOWS EVERYTHING DOWN AND IT'S SLOW!!! Get outta my house, you Patton Oswalt sounding horse! Nightmare Night is very handy For those with appetites for candy Except for Greedy Trick or Treaters Such as a Twilight and Spike-ier. But I'm too old for Trick or teating. I'm not! All night long, they gathered their sweets And passed upon the growing heat. When struck the midnight hour, 'Twas not just Candy Twilie devoured *Cough*! *Cough!* Spike?... NOOO!!! That's not Macabre! In your fetish world, she eats Spike everyday! How else does she give him baths without raising the bill? Oh fine! Well I saved the most macabre for last I'd like to see you get Maca-Bre on meh! Deadpool, as he always does, loves to check new stuff from his fans. But what all the chicks he'd love were now a man! AHH!!! THE GAYNESS!!! I can't look at anywoman the same! Now all have meet their grizzly fate, each horrors for you to see For chance that next time, they think twice, before not inviting me! "Well, that was awful." Deadpool spoke, walking in to the castle. He paused. "What? Jojo's Bizarre Adventure to be continued? Why are you-?" A changeling Chloroformed him. Season Finale SpoilersAuthor's Note Season Finale Spoilers Deadpool popped out of his cocoon, gasping for breath. "WHAT THE F**K JUST HAPPENED!?!?!?" He yelled, looking everywhere. "AHH!!! Changelings!!!" He reached for his gun to bust a cap... but he didn't have his weapons. "Oh s**t! Fine, time to do it the old way!" He put on a gentleman's mustache and prepared his fists like a 30's boxer. "Put 'em up! Put 'em up, eh!" "Deadpool." Luna spoke "Mooncheeks!... Wait... what's our favorite sex postion?" "...Are you serious?" "You better not be a changeling!" "... Ugh... the Triceratops." "... Good enough. Mooncheeks!" He grabbed her... followed by grabbing her tail and cocking her like a shotgun. "Let's kill them all!" "Wait!" Starlight yelled "Don't! They're good now!" "Good!?" He looked around, seeing the changelings weren't their black and blue eyed selves, but they were, for a lack of better words, colorful. Every single changeling was now a different shade of color with beetle-like backs to protect their used-to-be exposed wings, though they had wing like tails now. EWW!!! BUGS!!! KILL THEM ALL!!! As much as I would agree to that idea, they're not showing hostility towards us like the old changelings. In fact, just look at that one! Deadpool turned to the tallest one; It was about as tall as Luna, easily standing over the other changelings, and popping out of it's head was not just a normal sized, but two antlers, giving it a bit of an elk-like appearence. "DAMN!" Deadpool spoke, appearing next to the tall Changeling "Where have you been!? Did you abduct me!? If so, all's forgiven." "Uh... Deadpool... it's me, Thorax." The Deer-Changeling spoke in a somewhat deeper tone of Thorax. Deadpool stared. "... Ewe!!! You molted for this!?" "Um... no... I shared my love to Chrysalis and I-" "Chrysalis!? Where is she!?" "She escaped," Starlight spoke "I offered her my friendship, but she-" Deadpool teleported away and everyone watched as he ran to the Changeling queen. "GET YOUR BUG ASS BACK OVER HERE!!!" "... Uh oh!" Pinkie spoke "Tatsurou's not gonna be happy with this." She ripped apart a hard copy of a different story. Chrysalis flapped her wings to escape, but saw Deadpool chasing after her. "Ugh! Not him!" She growled, flying faster. However, she forgot that he could teleport, and felt him on her back, 'seductively' rubbing his right index finger over her lip. "Shh... Daddy's here." "GAHH!!!" She bucked him off, followed by a hiss. "It's bad enough that the traitor Thorax took most of my hive with him, but you... you're something else!" "Of course! I'm a guy! And you're a bug horse!" "YOU'RE A NUISANCE!!!" "And your voice changed for some reason. Care to explain what happened? You started a weird, vibrating voice that made your voice buzzed, fitting as your kind acted like bees, but what happened? Why's it... normal? I always thought the Season 5 finale was because it was in a different universe, and trust me, I know my different universes, but you have that today. What's going on?" She hissed at him, blasting a green bolt at him. He appeared next to her. "Seriously. What happened?" "Leave me alone!" She flew into the sky. Deadpool shrugged. "Alright, if you wanna be like that." He pulled out a rocket launcher, which had Fluffle Puff as the missile. "Ready?" "Ptthp!" The fluffy pony answered "Aim... FIRE!!!" BOOM!!! Fluffle Puff was blasted into the air, going about as fast as Dr. Robotnick, according to Game theory, and hit Chrysalis with the baseball sound from Super Smash Bros.. With that, Chrysalis disappeared into her fur and was seemingly gone. And in Fluffle Puff's fur is the Ask Fluffle Puff series on Tumblr! And we're not going acknowledge your imaginary genders. "I'M SEXUALLY LABELED AS A TOASTER!!!" Deadpool yelled with the Triggered Meme. This was ended as Fluffle Puff landed on him. "...Ptthp." She simply spoke before floating away. "...You're right!" Deadpool jumped back up. "Time to talk to his Majesty, King Thorax!!!" Thorax and the Changelings began to rebuild the hive. It was going to be operational like it was before, but it was going to look lees threatening and more inviting to others. Deadpool appeared next to Thorax, startling the new king. He took his mask off, grabbed Thorax, and made out with the Changeling King. Thorax panicked a bit, unsure as to what's going on, as the rest of the changelings stared in awkwardness, though one added his two bits. Deadpool stopped making out and shushed him. "There you go... my good luck to you on rebuilding your kingdom... I hope to see that you have your episode in Season 7." And like that, he disappeared, leaving only a note that had his phone number and 'Call me' below it. The Merc with the mouth began to move away from the Changeling Kingdom. Gee, Wade. What are we going to do? "The same thing we do every chapter, Crazy. Meet new ponies!" ♫They're Deadpool and the Wade. Yes Deadpool and the Wade. One is a genius, and also insane! They're once laboratory mice. His genes have been spliced. They're Deadpool, they're Deadpool and the Wade Wade Wade Wade Wade Wade Wade Wade Wade.♫ "Hit it, Crazy!" ♫Before this fic is done! His plan will unfurl. By the dawning of the sun, his fans will have the world! They're Deadpool and the Wade, Yes Deadpool and the Wade. His fandom campaign is easy to explain. To rule his random worth, it'll overthrow the earth! They're Deadpool, They're Deadpool and the Wade Wade Wade Wade Wade Wade Wade Wade♫ "CHIMIGHANGA!!!" The Shipping is Real. 176 and 177: Vapor Trail and Sky Stinger"Come on Sky, you can do it!" A light green-white pegasus mare with an even lighter blue, green, and yellow mane cheered. Above her dark blue pegasus stallion with a green mane that had a near white stripe in it. Of course, both were in Wonderbolts outfits, and both were training in the next show. It was a long day for the two, and the stallion landed, mimicking Spitfire's landing. Some clapping came next to the mare. She turned and jumped as Deadpool was sitting next to her. "Whoo! Superhero Landing!" He cheered. "And yes, that clip has my audio. You're welcome, folks at home." "...Uh... hi." The mare spoke. Quickly, Deadpool picked her up. "Oh, iz zis ze young Vapor Trail?" "...Uhhh-" Deadpool pulled out a vape pen and vaped... though he when he exhaled, he coughed in a near choking way. "Ah S**t!!! What the f**k are in these things!? Ass!? P***!? The tears of all those Somalian children becoming pirates!?" He threw the device over the edge. "Yeah, so long you piece of s**t! Seems like becoming a f**kboi isn't going to become a part of my various addictions". Booty ~ Definitely! Cocaine ~ In Between chapters Mario Bros. ~ Plays like the last game. 8/10 Call of Booty. ~ Plays like the last game. 2/10. ~~Overwatch~~ ~~F**kboi~~ "Oh yeah! I'm not into that, people. It's pretty overrated." "Is that... Deadpool!?" The Stallion asked. "Sky Stinger! Holy s**t! Sky Stinger and Vapor Trail! Both together in front of me!" "...what?" He grabbed both by the back of their heads. "Now Kiss!" Both Sky Stinger and Vapor Trail were taken off guard as what he was doing and held their heads back. "Come on! You both want to!" "No... we... don't." Vapor spoke "We're... just... friends." "... I wouldn't mind." Sky blurted. "What!?" Her guard was down and she fell onto Sky Stinger. Deadpool pulled out his phone and recorded it. "Come on! All the Bronies are gonna love it!" He spoke, hoping for the kiss. "You want to kiss me!?" "Ever since we were little." Sky answered. Deadpool leaned in. "That's it... closer now... perk the lips, and go the blow!" "... I need some time." Vapor flapped her wings and flew away. "No! Wait! Come back!" Sky Stinger spoke, but sighed. Friendzoned!!! A fate Worse than death... to you guys, at least. Deadpool leaned in to Sky's side. "So... you want to impress a fine lady as her?" He asked "Leave me alone." Sky spoke, standing up and walking away. "I blew it. She probably doesn't want me anymore." "Nonsense! You just took a bad step! Lucky for you, I know the many secrets to wooing a lady and making them drop their pants faster than Joe Rohde's ear during the news of how they're going to change the Tower of Terror., and some little tricks for when you get to Cloud 9." "...Cloud 9?" "Yep! You'll both be-" "But that cloud is off limits." Deadpool blinked. "... Different meaning. But the best way to woo a lady is with a love song. Have any songs you'd like to use?" "Uh... well... I have this song in mind." Deadpool leaned in. "Continue." "...We used to do this as foals." "That's a good start." "She always loved doing it." "Ooh, so good!" "And, it involves my sweatshirts and-" Deadpool slapped Sky Stinger across the face. "NO!!! NONONONONO!!! NO SWEATSHIRTS!!!" A Hissing came. "Oh s**t! You brought the demon in!" Popping out of a bottle of bleach was the demon that looked like a more demonic version of Stingy from Lazytown, Jacob Sartorius. Deadpool pulled a broble out and wielded it in one hand while holding the Twitter Logo in the other. "BACK!!! BACK TO THE DEAD VINE FROM WHENCE YOU CAME!!!" "When you sing at night... When you wake up in the morning!" Jacob sang in a voice that made the scratching on a chalkboard sound like Piotr Ilich Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture. Sky Stinger fell to the floor and covered his ears. "Make it stop! Make it stop!" He begged "I'm trying to!" Deadpool yelled as the demon continued to sing it's horrendous song. "Gotta... find... the... A-HA!!!" The living sweatshirt Jacob had crawled it's way back to it's master, in a way that made both The Grudge and The Ring's girls shrieked in fear. Deadpool pulled a flamethrower out. "GO BACK TO HELL, YOU BEAST!!!" He fired away, burning the sweatshirt into ashes. It screamed in pain, shaking the world, and it's master stopped, grunting in pain. Deadpool threw the twitter logo at him, followed by pulling out a machine gun. "EAT HILARY CLINTON'S DELETED E-MAILS!!!" He fired away, all of the emails fired like that of a machine gun (which also held her votes to becoming president). It weakened the beast, but it wasn't finished, as was Deadpool. "Now, for my finishing move..." He rushed to Jacob, finishing it by grabbing her in the p***y. "DONALD TRUMP JOKE!!!" The Darla-Lewis look-a-like screamed before exploding into more bleach. It's soul... or whatever you want to call it, flew away... until Deadpool pulled another Vape pen out and caught it. "There, now, to label it correctly." He attached a label that just read 'Bleach'. "And to sell it online!" Sky Stinger shook, unsure what just happened. "... W-what just happened?" "Cancer. And I know a way to make your love life work... without this thing." "O-okay... please... n-nothing like that." "Relax. James Gunn will be proud." Sky Stinger stood near Vapor Trail's house. Deadpool and his Taco Squad hid in a nearby bush. "Are you sure this is going to work?" Sky asked "Trust me," Deadpool spoke. "You can thank the MCU for making this song relevant... especially for the a**holes that made this popular! Just knock and we'll be ready." Sky turned to Vapor's house and sweated a bit. He walked to the door and, though cautiously, knocked. Vapor answered the door. "Sky?" She asked "What are you doing here?" "Let's do it!" Various 'Ooga Chacka's were heard. Sky Stinger pulled the piece of paper out and began to sing. ♫I can't stop this feeling Deep inside of me... Girl, you just don't realize... What you do to me When you hold me, In your arms so tight, You let me know... Everything's alright I'm hooked on a feeling! ♫ Vapor was surprised. She almost danced to the music ♫I'm high on believing, That you're in love with me! Lips as sweet as candy... It's taste is on my mind... Girl, you got me thirsty, For another cup of wine Got a bug for you girl But I don't need no cure I just stay a victim, If I can for sure All the good love When we're all alone Keep it up girl Yeah, you turn me on I'm hooked on a feeling! I'm high on believing That you're in love with me!♫ The Ooga Chackas returned as they leaned their heads to each other. ♫All the good love when we're all alone Keep it up girl Yeah you turn me on I'm hooked on a feeling! I'm high on believing That you're in love with me! I'm hooked on a feeling! And I'm high on believing That you're in love with me! I said I'm hooked on a feeling! And I'm high on believing That you're in love with me! I'm hooked on a feeling!♫ "...Sky?" Vapor spoke, leaning her head in. "Yeah?" Sky asked, also leaning in. "I've always wanted to tell you something." "Yeah?" "...You have something in your teeth." "Oh... right... uh-" "And I love you." "Oh! Uh... yeah... and I love you too. Look, I'm sorry for earlier... I didn't know how to-" "It's okay... how about you and I meet each other on Cloud 9?" "...Isn't that place off limits?" "Since when have you been a by-the-rules stallion?" "... Fair enough." They both flew into the sky. Deadpool looked above with a pair of binoculars, watching as they both entered a cloud, in which it started to bounce. "They're gonna have beautiful babies." He said. "And Now, I shall head to my next chapter! But since we're on the subject of love, give these Russian animators some love in the Author's Notes below! I dance with Nick Valentine, Gordon Freeman (Or Heisenberg), Sans & Papyrus, that Cowboy guy, that silver guy, and brown trench coat guy, along with ponies!" Author's Note A winter specialDeapool snored away in his house, indicated by the loud noises he made, the pool and waterfall of drool falling out of his mouth, and, of course, his butt in the air, cheeks loosen for anyone to take advantage of. However, his alarm blared. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Deadpool jumped out of bed and fired a handgun, screaming. "MY SKYRIM REMASTERED!!! NOT YOURS!!!" His gun clicked, and falling to the floor was an Average Black Friday shopper wielding a knife in one hand and Skyrim Remastered in the other. Deadpool got up and took the game from his corpse. "That's the 13th one this week!" He grabbed the body and threw it out of the window, where it landed in a grinder and the meat was sold to very sketchy looking restaurants. Wade looked out of the window to see a blanket of snow had taken over Ponyville. Winter is here. No s**t, Sherlock. "And you know what that means?... ANOTHER F**KING HOLIDAY SPECIAL!!!" He stormed out of his room and into his messier house, skipping time to have himself pancakes that would make Pinkie jealous. As he ate, however, another portal opened. Popping his head was- "AHH!!! STRANGER!!!" "Deapool!" The bearded man with a long, red cape and a golden, eye looking necklace spoke "I have come from my dimension to-" Deadpool punched him in the face, knocking him out. Appearing behind the Doctor were three other Deadpools: Ryan Reynald Deadpool from the movie, Nolan North Deadpool from the videogame, and Will Friedle Deadpool from Disney's Ultimate Spiderman. "Aw shit!" Ryan-Pool yelled "Look what you did you cocksucker!" "Fuck you, me!" Nolan-Pool added "Go fuck yourself!... Wait, no... not yet!" "This stinks." Will-Pool spoke. "Hey! You all got to swear!" Deadpool yelled. "Audience! Isn't this some bulls**t!?" "We're not part of the contract!" They all added, holding their contracts for their respected licenses. "Oh f**k you all up the a**hole!" "Hey, I'm not allowed to swear!" Will-Pool spoke "So I have the short end of the stick." "And a hated fanbase." Nolan-Pool replied. "Hey! At least I'm better than Ryan Reynald's Pool from-" "Don't mention that!" Ryan-Pool interupted. "Get your asses in here!" Deadpool spoke, grabbing all three and Strange in. The portal closed. Deadpool crossed his arms "Alright, why are you all here?" The other Pools blinked. "... You all went to sleep, didn't you?" Various murmurs came from them. "Well, if that's the case, I've gotta go and see my Mooncheeks!" "Mooncheeks!?" They all asked "Princess Luna." They all blinked "The princess of the night in this world?" More blinks "From My Little Pony: Friendship is magic." They all stood, scratching their heads. "I masturbate to unicorns." Ryan-Pool spoke. Deadpool face palmed himself. "Well, have you experienced the magic of Friendship?" They shook their heads. "Have you ever wanted to be in a community that's called cancerous but isn't as bad as Minecraft?" Murmurs. "Have you wanted to meet a cast where most of their personalities came from the fans that went to make the 100th episode?" They all nodded. "Alright, I can see that I will have to teach you on how to be Bronies!" He pulled out a Saxophone and played. "HEY!!!" The three added, making Deadpool jump as they all pulled out their own instrument (A drum, a trumpet, and a Cello). He shrugged and joined them. They all ran outside, making everypony pause and watch as four Deadpools ran around. Berry Punch looked at her drink, then to them, and threw the bottle away and pulled out a 40 Oz. ♫We are number one!♫ ♫Now listen closely! Here's a little lesson in Bron-ery! This is going down in history If you wanna be a Fandom Number One You have to chase a certain princess on the run!♫ Princess Luna flew over them, unaware on what's happening. Deadpool pointed at her, to which the other had heart eyes and chased after her. ♫Just follow my moves, and sneak around Be careful not to make a sound♫ One of them stepped on a whoopee cushion, where Pinkie giggled "Shh!No, don't touch that!" Deadpool yelled. During the chorus, they tried various tools to capture Luna ♫We are Number One Hey! We are Number One We are Number One♫ ♫Now look at this net, that I just found When I say go, be ready to throw Go!♫ They threw it on Deadpool and not Luna, who was having herself a salad "Throw it on her, not me! Ugh, let's try something else! ♫Now watch and learn, here's the deal She'll slip and slide on this banana peel!♫ The three other slipped on said banana peels "What are you doing!?" All four pools set up the Nintendo Switch with Skyrim remastered on it, to which Luna took it and played it, totally falling for the easily set trap. All four took her back to Deadpool's house, where they just stared in awe ♫Ba-ba-biddly-ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba We are Number One Hey! Ba-ba-biddly-ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba We are Number One♫ Unfortunately, Dr. Strange woke up and took Luna away. All of the pools chased, but the three other ones were sent back to their dimensions, though Deadpool was fired right out of a canon. ♫Ba-ba-biddly-ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba We are Number One Hey! Ba-ba-biddly-ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba We are Number One Hey! Hey!♫ Celestia sat on her throne, having hot coco instead of tea. She conjured up a pillow seat quickly. Deadpool came crashing through the window, rolling and breaking all of his bones before sitting on the seat perfectly. "...Ow." He simply said. "Well hello to you too, Wade." Celestia spoke, not turning to him. "Trying to kidnap my sister and keeping her as your wife?" "Hey! I'm not ready for that type of thing yet!" He snapped his arms back in place. "And how did you know I was going to land here?" "Eh, just a hunch I had." "... You're no help." He cracked his legs in place. "And I can't believe Benedict Cummberbatch came to me! What an honor!" "...Yes, what an honor." Luna entered the throne, looking rather depressed. Deadpool teleported onto her back. "'Sup, Moony! I'm the cowboy and you're my horse!" Luna's horn glowed as she took him off. "Not now." She said. "I need my quiet time." "I can be quiet!" No you can't. Shut up! "I need my alone time, then." She simply said, walking away. Deadpool blinked. "What's wrong with her?" He asked "She's going back to her emo phase! Now I'm going to have to sing Wake me up with her!" "She wants some attention." Celestia simply spoke, opening The Epic of Gilgamesh. "Ugh, again!?" "It's winter, her favorite time... at least, as a filly." "And then she turned Emo?" "No. I was given the Summer Sunset Celebration." ...Lightbulb! Yes? Not you, you dumba**! "...Say? Is it alright if Luna can have her celebration?" "She already has Nightmare Night." "But that's for her Evil half, Nightmare Moon. I'm talking something like... The Winter... Moonrise... Festive?" Celestia lowered her book and gave Deadpool a skeptic look. She turned back to her book. "Eh, alright. Tomorrow." "...Really?" "Yep." "...Just like that?" "Yep." "... Alright, what's the price?" Celestia lowered her book and smiled. "Dance with me." "...That's it?" "Do you want me to make it worse?" "No! Nonono! That won't be needed. Uh... how are you-?" Celestia's horn glowed and the throne room turned into a Disco dance floor, complete with a bar (With Bob drinking) and some of the guards in suits. Celetia wore a new dress as Deadpool was in his suit. Celestia walked to him with bedroom eyes. "Shall we get, how shall you say, freaky?" Deadpool blinked. "Video! And Pinkie, you're with me!" Pinkie appeared next to her in an orange version of her 80's outfit "Yay! I've always wanted to be Snoopy!" Celestia blinked. "... That's not what I had in mind... but it'll do." "Yes!" The Next Day. Deadpool and Luna skated next to each other as the residents around Canterlot celebrated the newly established Winter Moonrise Festive. "I never knew you could skate." Luna spoke. "I'm full of surprises." Deadpool simply answered "Like when people realized I'm not much of a d**k as they think I am." "...What?" "E, forget about it. The holidays are almost here, and with Santa dead, I'm sure that everyone's gonna be happy that the NSA and Illuminati isn't watching them when they go to sleep. Remember, don't let your kids support a pervert that likes to watch them sleep at night. If there's one thing I hate more than anything, it's Predators, and not the movie type." "I have yet to understand who you're talking to." "And you won't. Let's just Charlie Brown this with me as the title character and Discord as Snoopy." Author's Note More will arrive Minecraft YouTubers. Pony 178: Petunia Paleo and the Diamond DogsAt Cheerilee's school, closed for the holidays, a sky blue & dark blue maned earth pony filly dug in the playground with only the aid of a plastic shovel and a bucket. Said filly looked a bit like a miniature Pinkie Pie, even with the orange bow in her mane. Of course, her shovel hit something hard. "Ooh! Another fossil!" She squealed. "I bet it's another Ponysaurus! Or a Ponydon! Or a... Deadpool?" The Head of Deadpool was under the sand. "'Sup." He simply said. "...Why are you buried under the sand?" "I don't know. Reasons. Why are you here?" "Oh! I already found many fossils in my backyard, and I wanted to see if I can find more!" "Ooh! That sounds interesting!" He teleported above the sand, but wore boxes around him. "Let's go digging like Minecraft!" "Minecraft?" "The indie game that became the biggest sellout. Perhaps more than FNAF." He grabbed the filly. "To the ultimate digging site!" He teleported the two of them to what could be only described as an underground mining area, complete with pickaxes, shovels, torches, and carts. She squealed in happiness. "Oh my gosh! All of this is for us!?" "Yep! We better start digging for those diamonds!" "Or ancient fossils! Or Ancient ruins! Or even lost treasure!" They both ran and picked up their own pickaxes and began to dig into the walls. Unbeknownst to them, they were watched by the mine's residents. "Yes, the pony is digging for us!" One of the three pairs of piercing eyes spoke, sounding like a poor imitator of Gollum from the Lord of the Rings movies. "And the hooman as well!" The other, more deeper voiced one added. "They will make better slaves than that whiner." the third added. "... Do you get the feeling we're being watched?" Deadpool asked, throwing aside the Holy Grail. "Nope!" Petunia replied, dragging a casket. "Eh, you're probably right." He picked up a skull. "Hey! Look at this! To be, or not to be? That is the question." He was tackled by someone. "HELP!!! I'M BEING TAKEN AWAY LIKE A CHILD AT MINECON!!!" A muzzle was put over his face. Kinky! Ew! No! "Deadpool!" Petunia yelled before having a muzzle placed over her face. "More slaves!" One of the three diamond dogs, the huge one, cheered. "Get digging now!" The smallest one barked. HEHEHE!!! I see what you did there! "OI!" Deadpool yelled "Do you know who the f**k I am!?" "SILENCE!!!" The medium one ordered before giving him a slap across his face. "You both slaves! You dig for us now!" "Dig or die!" The large dog ordered. Petunia whimpered under her muzzle. "And I thought archeology/paleontology was going to be fun." "Oh, don't you worry a thing! I have an idea!" He teleported out of his binds, and sliced Petunia free with one of his swords. He grabbed the filly and placed her on a ledge, teleporting away before returning quickly with a certain horned helmet on and other small, hairy men around. Deadpool quickly put on a fake, large beard. "It is time to mine away,my brothers." He spoke in a Scottish accent. One of the midgets banged a large drum out and another blew into a large horn. Petunia watched as a, yet, another one of Deadpool's songs played as he and the men began to march, and mine, their way to freedom. ♬Brothers of the mine rejoice!♬ ♬Swing, swing, swing with me!♬ ♬Raise your pick and raise your voice!♬ ♬Sing, sing, sing with me♬ ♬Down and down into the deep Who knows what we'll find beneath? Diamonds, rubies, gold and more Hidden in the mountain store♬ ♬Born underground, suckled from a teat of stone Raised in the dark, the safety of our mountain home Skin made of iron, steel in our bones To dig and dig makes us free Come on brothers sing with me!♬ ♬I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole Diggy diggy hole, diggy diggy hole I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole Diggy diggy hole, digging a hole♬ Petunia, not wanting to be stuck, hopped down some ledges, picking up her own pickaxe, and helped, albeit, not in synchronization with the dwarves, taking very small chunks of rocks out instead of the large boulders, and looking WAY too adorable while digging. ♬The sunlight will not reach this low♬ ♬Deep, deep in the mine♬ ♬Never seen the blue moon glow♬ ♬Dwarves won't fly so high♬ ♬Fill a glass and down some mead! Stuff your bellies at the feast! Stumble home and fall asleep Dreaming in our mountain keep♬ ♬Born underground, grown inside a rocky womb The earth is our cradle; the mountain shall become our tomb Face us on the battlefield; you will meet your doom We do not fear what lies beneath We can never dig too deep♬ ♬I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole Diggy diggy hole, diggy diggy hole I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole Diggy diggy hole, digging a hole I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole Diggy diggy hole, diggy diggy hole I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole Diggy diggy hole, digging a hole♬ Some Diamond Dogs noticed them and pounced at them. Deadpool pulled a detonator out and exploded the cave they were in,leaving them all in darkness. Petunia, being near the human, grabbed onto his leg and shivered away. Her fear quickly went away as light entered their would-be-tomb. ♬Born underground, suckled from a teat of stone Raised in the dark, the safety of our mountain home Skin made of iron, steel in our bones To dig and dig makes us free Come on brothers sing with me!♬ ♬I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole Diggy diggy hole, diggy diggy hole I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole Diggy diggy hole, digging a hole I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole Diggy diggy hole, diggy diggy hole I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole Diggy diggy hole, digging a hole♬ They flopped onto the floor. "BRIGHT LIGHT!!! BRIGHT LIGHT!!!" Deadpool squealed at the sunlight, returning to the dwarves, who threw him back out. You're not a Mogwi. We're a Minecraft YouTuber!!! "What the big deal!?" Deadpool demanded. "We don't work for ye." One of the dwarves answered "Now leave us alone! We're gonna take care of the pooches underneath." "And the creepers!" Another yelled, but in a stereotypical, nerdy voice. Deadpool groaned in annoyance, but snickered as he pulled out some various golden items. "At least I have the treasure." "That was fun!" Petunia squeaked "Can we try that again!?" "Uh... perhaps another time." He patted her mane. "And your parents must be worried about you." "Oh shoot! My parents!" Deadpool picked her up before teleporting back to her house, teleporting away before she could say anything. Next to her was a bag. She looked in it and found the various golden encrusted items, and a note. Your Booty now... context. "Context?" She asked herself. "...Eh, My family's gonna be happy!!!" Author's Note Been a while since I uploaded something. Like everyone else, that was a cute filly. Super Buck Ball Bowl!!!... Part 1In Ponyville's Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Starlight Glimmer stood in an open acre. Applejack and Fluttershy wore blue vests while Pinkie, Rainbow, and Starlight wore red vests. "So, how do you play this again?" Starlight asked. "It's easy sugarcube," Applejack replied. "Both Pinkie and I are going to buck the ball into the goal. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are our defenses from the ball while you, with your magic, catch the ball in that there bucket." "So I stand and catch the ball with this bucket?" "Yep! And trust me, it's easier said than done." "Enough chit-chat!" Dash interrupted. "We still need to practice for the buckball tournament next week! And where the heck is Snails at?" "Um, maybe he's busy with school. He is still a colt, afterall." "Nope!" Pinkie interrupted "He's joined Deadpool!" "Deadpool!?" AJ, Dash, and Starlight shouted in unison. "That can't end well." Applejack added. "But it is." Deadpool replied. They jumped as they realized Deadpool was behind them. "Don't do that!" Rainbow growled "I outta punch you into next week!" "And in time for my team to kick your plots for the tournament? Please, do! I LOVE getting a good slap from a fine woman." Kinky! "Eeyup," Snails added, sucking juice from a juicebox. "Sorry, but I kinda like Deadpool more than you guys." "Hey!" Rainbow yelled "I may not be invincible, but I'm more awesome than him!" "Pfft! I'm 20% cooler." Deadpool replied. She gave him her triggered face... without the word 'TRIGGERED' below. AJ stepped in, letting Starlight to take Dash and calm her down. "Alright, mister, what's the big deal?" She asked "Do you even have a team?" "Of course! Snails and I are a team! A duo! Like Fievel Mousekewitz and Tiger!" "... I don't get it." Snails blurted. "You'll find out later. But as a heads up, Fievel Mousekewitz is in no way similar to William B.J. Blazkowicz from Wolfenstein." "Heh! Ya'll are short of wings!" AJ snorted "Ya'll can't join without a Pegasus!" Deadpool shoved an apple into her mouth. "Maybe not a pegasus, Apple Horse, but something better!" He pulled his cellphone out and dialed. Luna sat down and watched the new cellphone Deadpool gave to her. It rung. "YES!!! My Toy is working!" She grabbed the phone and- Deadpool only heard moans. "Uh... this is awkward." He hung up, canceling the noise that you perverts will be sending an audio file to make and publish for some views. "Alright, she's out of the list. Time for Plan B!" He dropped a bit to the floor. "Bit!" Appearing almost out of nowhere, and obscure by the cartoon fight cloud they were in, a bunch of griffins pounced for the bit, easily making every Nazi in hell (or heaven) laugh their ass off. The many griffins flew away, leaving only familiar griffin behind. And sorry, it's not Gabby. Fluttershy squealed like a pig before fainting like a goat. "Gilda!?" Dash yelled "What the heck are you doing here!?" "What!?" She replied with a hiss, but wasn't too threatening with it. "Can't a gal like me explore a town every now and then?" Deadpool picked her up. "Ready to join my team, Gilda?" He asked "Team? What team!? I'm not going to be part of some team, especially with an idiot and a-" "There's money involved." "... When do we start?" "Oh, right now, we have to train for the next week until we head for the tournaments." "...Tournaments?" "We start low, then begin to grow. And I know the way to get beat them all." "And that is?" "A Montage!!!" He teleported them all away. Deadpool began to run in place, wearing an 80's exercise outfit. Balls were thrown to him by Discord's tail, who was busy having tea with Fluttershy. The pegasus was pale as a ghost as Deadpool knocked the balls thrown with his butt, straight to Gilda, who had a hard time smacking the balls that flew past her. The Mercernary, dressed up as Hairy Potter, rode Gilda's back as she attempted to beat a blowing fan that, in itself, blew many trees out of their roots. She failed miserable and was thrown in the wind. Snails, in his yoga sitting pose, easily caught the tossed balls with his buckets, having a sandwich with Deadpool as Gilda was pummeled by balls thrown by Discord. Gilda had some luck,smacking the balls thrown at her in the air, but they all fell down deflated. A small pile of deflated balls were below her, and Snails was fast asleep. Deadpool, on the other hand, was kicking the balls while shouting nonsense karate moves. Gilda flew closer to the fan, having better success than previously, but struggled to keep her pace. Deadpool, standing on the side and dressed up as Mickey Goldmil, threw a bucket of nails into the wind. Only feathers, and a chicken sound, came from Gilda. Snails and Deadpool had mustaches as Gilda began to take the hits, occasionally falling, but standing and growling. The Mercernary pulled out a bing and lit it up, only to have the scene cut short as the next scene came. Gilda smacked every ball thrown at her to Deadpool, who ran in circles, naked with only a censor bar around his privates. Snails wore sunglasses and had a goatee, but caught the balls with his buckets. The griffin reached to the fan with a growl. Deadpool tossed some live grenades at her. She dodged them all, grabbed one, and threw it at Deadpool's face. It exploded off screen, with only his head bouncing into the frame before dissapearing again. Gilda walked to the two as they rapidly threw balls at her, ignoring the pain they literally threw at her. Deadpool threw a bowling ball at her, only for the griffin to catch the ball and throw it back. The ball came down splatted Deadpool's head in, leaving only the body to fall to the floor, presumably 'dead'. Gilda, Deadpool, and Snails stood in front of a stadium with full grown beards. "Why are we wearing these beards?" Gilda asked "Because we're a team!" Deadpool replied, stroking his. "I don't think beards define what a team is, idiot." "I really love mine." Snails added, stroking his as well. Gilda rolled her eyes before ripping her beard off. "I'm in this to win! Now will you bozos put your game faces on or what!?" "OOh! Give me a sec!" Deadpool replied, pulling out and putting on his literal game face. Gilda face smacked himself. Author's Note Happy near Superbowl! Part 2 will be arriving soon, most likely before, or sometime after the superbowl. Round 2. Round 2. Deadpool glanced at the teams and who were in the competition. Ponyville: Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Starlight Glimmer. Ponyville 2:Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle Appleoosa: Braeburn, Pheremone, Lightning Round. "Huh... I was expecting more teams to enter." He said to himself. What a letdown! More like more lazy writing. "Oh well, it's one step closer to the money." He put on sunglasses as Snails and Gilda stood next to him on both sides. "Let's go win us those bucks. Hit it." Deadpool did his best 'pimp walk' as his team entered the arena. Staring at them awkwardly were their opponents; Team Ponyville 2. The crowd cheered as the two teams stood in their positions as the referee stood in the middle. "Alright!" He barked "I want a clean game! You know the rules: The Earth pony, and in this case, human, are on offense and stay in the middle for the Buckoff." HeeHeeHee!!! Buckoff. F**k off. "The Pegasi are on defense try to keep the ball out of the goal buckets, and pass it to their earth pony teammate to buck the ball into the other goal. And, unicorns, stand outside and attempt to catch the ball with only the bucket in their magic! I don't want any fighting, cheating, manipulations of ball in any way but natural, and poor sportsmanship in general!" "Of course, Coach!" Deadpool replied, hopping and preparing himself for the game. "Ah'm sure that won't be a problem, sugarcube." Applejack replied, preparing her hind legs for a buck. "And Deadpool," The referee spoke "since you have the height advantage, you won't be able to use your hands and arms for this." "Fair enough," Deadpool replied. "I can beat Applehorse here without my arms!" "...Ah... don't want that to happen." AJ commented, not wanting to see an armless Deadpool with fountains of blood spilling from the stumps of his arms. "Good to know," the referee continued "now, wish each other good luck and head to your positions!" Both Gilda and Rainbow flapped their wings, followed by them staring down at each other. "Sorry about this, Gilda," Dash spoke "but it looks like I'm going to have some roast chicken tonight!" "In your dreams!" Gilda replied "I'm gonna turn ya into glue!" "Uh... what's glue?" Twilight and Snails stared at each other for a bit. "This is going to be quite fun!" Twilight squealed in excitement. "My first game ever! I heard how good you are, snails. What's your secret?" "Not thinking about it." Snails answered, walking past her and taking his position. Twilight blinked. "... To each their own, I guess." She took her position. Both Deadpool and AJ stared down at each other. "I'm gonna win that cash, AJ," Deadpool spoke "And when I win that money, I'm gonna pay Sony Animations to cancel The Emoji Movie!" "Uh... Ah have no idea what that's about," AJ replied "but Ah am quite curious on how ya'll will do." The referee lifted the ball and whistled. He tossed the ball into the air, in which it fell to the two. Deadpool performed a backflip, kicking the ball into the air. Rainbow Dash flew to the ball and delivered a spike to it, passing it to AJ. The Earth Pony got her hind legs and bucked it to Twilight, only for Gilda to backhand the ball to Deadpool. The mercenary simply jumped in the air, bouncing the ball on his head, catching Rainbow Dash off guard as Snails caught it with the bucket in his magic. Deadpool fist pumped in victory. We Won!!! We need five more points to win. Oh... uh... what do we do? "We gotta Rumble!" Deadpool answered, pulling out a Boombox and a CD of the Official Space Jam Soundtrack. "Ya'll ready for this?" The game went as about as you expected through, yet, another montage, because I'm too lazy to write it all down, and this happens in every sports movie. Deadpool was in the game, but danced the whole way, matching the music that played as he bounced the ball to Snails. In the non-game scenes, it showed only Deadpool dancing in the middle of the field, but with a cut, Snails joined, and with another, Gilda joined, followed by a final cut showing the two teams dancing together, much to their opponent's surprise on what they're doing. However, if this were a true video, I'd request the maker to flash a certain character that made every boy have strange feelings when they were growing up... and have Deadpool dressed up as them by the end of the song, to which the score was simply Deadpool with 6 points and Ponyville 2 with 2 points. Their opponents panted hard as the game ended. "I... can't believe... we lost... again!" Rainbow spoke. "Aww, don't feel bad," Deadpool spoke, ruffling her mane. "you tried your best." "...Huh... that's pretty nice." AJ replied "Ah think yer-" "But your best isn't good enough. That's what I tell to my targets when they think they got away from me." "Nevermind." Afternoon. The team sat at the Hayburger, with Sonata, because reasons. Pinkie stood at their table. "...Aren't you supposed to be in the game?" Deadpool asked. "Nah, we forfeited." Pinkie replied. "We didn't want to make them feel bad, so we gave up. And Starlight's kinda bad, if you ask me." "Fair enough." "Anywho! Can I take your order please?" "Alright, guys, what do you guys want?" "I'll take a Number 9, idiot." Gilda groaned. "I'll take a number 9 as well." Snails added. "Let me get a number 6 with extra dip." Sonata added, seeing as it's the taco related thing on the menu. "I'll have two #9's," Deadpool ordered "a #9 large, a #6 with extra dip, a #7, two #45's, one wit cheese, and a large soda." "...That'll be 79 Bits." Pinkie spoke. Deadpool blinked and looked around. "...Uh..." He ran out of the door. The next day. Deadpool and his team stood in the field for the last two hours. Yesterday wasn't all that good, since the guard arrested Deadpool momentarily and demand that he pays by tomorrow or else he will have to pay a fine that's more than the original price, serve a year behind bars, or perform community service. If he lost, he'd choose the latter. However, the referee walked to them. "Well, it seems Appaloosa's team isn't going to be here." He spoke. "Say what!?" Deadpool asked. "Yep. Braeburn felt sick and couldn't handle the pressure. So by default, your team won." "... We're rich!!!" They all jumped in the air for victory. However, a mail appeared in front of the referee's face. He took the letter and read it to himself. "...Oh? Looks like this won't be easy." "Easy?" Gilda asked "We won everything 'cause everyone's a total wuss." "I'm down for another game." Snails spoke. "And who's our opponent, coach?" Deadpool asked. The referee simply pointed. Wade turned and gasped at who their opponents were. Deadpool and Gilda began to stammer in place, unsure on what to do. Snails, on the other hand, gawed at the princesses, as he's always wanted to be a princess himself since he was a foal. Ha! GAAAYYY!!! "Oh my," Celestia teased. "are you really afraid of little old me, Deadpool? Afraid to play with the princess of Equestria herself?" "And are you afraid of her sister playing against you?" Luna added "Fret not, I still love you, but I can see that your balls aren't as big as you say they are." "Now, now," Cadence spoke "we shouldn't be mocking this team for getting this far. We still have to make a good example for Flurry Heart when she grows up, even if Deadpool redecorated her room to his liking." Celestia took her spot, standing in front of Deadpool as Luna flapped her wings, and Cadence prepared the bucket. Deadpool's team took their spot, though Wade and Gilda sweated hard, unsure how to tackle this situation. The referee blew his whistle as he tossed the ball in the air. Celestia turned around and, with one leg, bucked the ball so hard, it blew all the clouds away as the ball exited Equestria's orbit in a blink of an eye. Everyone blinked, unsure where the ball went... only for the ball to return from the other side of the stadium, right behind Celestia, coming down in a ball of flame! Deadpool could only say one word as his pants now had a large wet stain in between his legs and a puddle around his feet. "...Mommy." The ball hit him in the face as everything seemingly went in slow motion for him. The next day. Deadpool stood behind the cash register as Canterlot's Buckball team celebrated. Gilda got the heck out of there, making her way back to the Griffin kingdom, and Snails was too young to be working there, but somehow, foals could work at the Ponyville hospital... as if that made sense. It was his first and last day at community service, and, unbeknownst to everyone else, he watched the Superbowl commercials on his phone. "Yep! And man, I'm so hyped for-" He was tackled by a hangry Twilight. "Where's our burgers!?!?!?" She demanded with a hiss. "Ahh!!! C-coming up, your highness!" A Valentines Day special.Both Deadpool and Luna sat down at the Gazebo, lost into each other's eyes. And if you're wondering, no, it's not love poison, they're just that into each other. The gazebo was decorated with red & pink hearts, and had a boombox that played the best love song ever. On their table was what you'd expect: a white cloth over it with a lit candle in the middle, two plates in front of them with spaghetti with proper silverware, and a pack of... sex balloons. "Deadpool." Luna spoke, almost dream like. "Yep?" Deadpool replied "...How did you get this table ready?" "... I had some help. Earlier Deadpool had Chef Gordon Ramsay tied up in a chain in his basement. The famous (and infamous) chef breathed heavily as Deadpool walked down the stairs, whistling a tune to himself. "You!?" Ramsay yelled "Do you know who the fuck I am!?" "Of course." Deadpool spoke "You're chef Gordon Ramsay, one of the most famous chefs with the most profanity spoke on television, and donkey enthusiast." "And you know what's going to happen when they find me, you psychotic fuck!? I'm going to tear your head off and shit down your neck!" "You're funny." Deadpool walked to a closet and pulled out a butcher's vest, quickly putting it on "If you let me out now, I will personally make your final meal before they put you down, you retarded son of a bitch!" "Very tempting." He walked to a drawer and put on a pair of goggles. Gordon began to jump in his seat. "You damned lunatic!!! Don't you know what you're doing!? Let me go, now!" "In a moment. I just have some questions." Out of the shadows, he pulled a Chainsaw out. Gordon, unbeknownst to Deadpool, pulled a knife from his boot and sliced himself free. The chef tackled Deadpool and began to stab him in the heart. "Fuck-You-You-Piece-Of-Shit!!!" "Ow-ow-ow." Deadpool punched Ramsey in the face, knocking him back into his chair. The mercenary pulled out some handcuffs he acquired at a sex shop and tied the chef's hands and feet down. Gordon shook his head and tried to free himself, with very little success. Deadpool stood up with the chainsaw in hands and circled around the chef. "Alright, Ramsey... let me tell you how this is gonna work; I'm just gonna ask you one question. You are gonna answer that question in a way I find satisfactory and if you do not... I will god damn cut your head off with ol' ripper here." Ramsay began to breath harder, looking at Deadpool with scared s***less look. "Alright, here it comes; will you make a romantic dinner for Luna and I?" "... I-I don't know... who that is... or what she prefers." Deadpool glared at the chef before pulling the chainsaw up and pulling on the rope. The machine stuttered for a bit, and Deadpool retried again. The chef snapped and laughed as he began to move violently. "FUCK YOU AND YOUR DATE!!!" The chainsaw began to run as it should. "Well, it was nice knowing you." He began to slowly lower the chainsaw to Ramsey's throat. The chef began to scream like a little girl. "NO! NO! STOP! STOP! Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay!!! OKAY!!! I'll make your dinner!!!" Deadpool stopped, raising the chainsaw up. "... B-But... what does she want?" "SPAGHETTI, DAMMIT!!!" "ALRIGHT!!! Alright... pl-please... I-I'll need special ingrediants." "Done." "T-the best kitchenware." "Done." "And s-some alone time." "..." Deadpool raised the chainsaw again. "ALRIGHT!!!" Present. "Whatever you did, it's lovely." Luna continued. "I bet it is." Deadpool replied, turning to the setting sun. "Ah... ze night is upon us." "Oui." He turned back to her. "It is French." "I know. The language of Love and hatred for Americans." She giggled at it. "I don't know what it means, but I can imagine it." "Of course. ... Luna?" "Yes?" "...Whenever I see you... I feel something in me." "A boner?" "No! ... okay, yes, but not really. Whenever I see you... I feel... I feel like my heart is shot by an arrow that came a fat baby with wings." "... That's... oddly spe-" A heart came out of Deadpool's chest, with his heart on the tip. "WHAT THE F**K!?!?!?" "Oh S**T!!!" They turned around to see what was a fat baby with wings and holding various bows & arrows. "CUPID!!!" "Happy Valentines day, suckas!!!" It spoke before flying away. Cadence landed near them. "Did any of you happen to see a-" She paused as she saw Deadpool with the arrowed hearth through his chest. "Oh... nevermind. If I don't catch that baby, I'm going to be out of a job!" "Or you could just use Shining Armor as bait." Deadpool suggested. Cadence stared at him with a blank expression. "...What? It's just an idea." He took the arrow and heart out. "Heh... Kali-Ma! Kali-Ma!!!" Omnomchi-bi! Omnomchi-bi! Omnonchi-bi! F**king babies. Author's Note Happy Valentines/ Hearts and Hooves Day! I'm guessing you won't know that that scene was a reference to. A true Pony #179: Twist"Okay, students," Cheerilee spoke to the class. "today is our field trip!" "YAY!!!" The entire class cheered with excitement. ... well, almost all. A near white earth pony filly with as curly red mane & tail, two pink candy canes in the form of a heart, and wore violet glasses sighed away. The field trip was to the crystal empire, and she had permission, but she needed a parent to come along with her. And if you're wondering, no, she's not an orphan, her parents are just occupied by the moment. "I wish I somebody to go with." As if some diety listened, her wish came true at the spot... with Deadpool smashing through the wall with the all too famous Smash Mouth song that was originally played for the movie Mystery Men but became famous with Shrek. To add more flavor to his, Deadpool was dressed up as the titular character, and made the cringe worthy pun that the internet loves. "It's all Ogre now!" The... THE CRINGE!!! Everyone's kept using cringe so much that it's basically lost it's punch. Look at the term Fascist and Donald Trump; he won the presidency because everyone's used it so much that no one thought for a second... unless you're Hillary Clinton, of course. ... When have we switched roles? For the sake of comedy! Cheerilee face hoofed herself, grumbling to herself. "Not him again." She looked at Deadpool with a glare "You're going to have to pay for that wall, Mr. Pool! And you're gonna have to leave before I call the authorities!" "Pfft! Like I give a f**k." He replied, turning to the filly. "Ah! I, and I believe most of the brony fandom, almost forgot about you, Twist!" "D-D-Deadpool." Twist stuttered with her speech impediment. "That's me!" He grabbed onto her head. "Come now, adventure awaits us!" "A-Adventure?" Deadpool turned and ran away... only to be stopped by a blockade of many familiar faces. And by familiar faces, it was an entire army of all of his famous enemies that he's enemies with. Leading them was Taskmaster himself. "Deadpool!" He yelled. "Heya, Tasky!" Deadpool replied "What are you and some of these d****ebags doing here?" "We are all here to kill you, Deadpool! Every single one of your greatest enemies!" "Ooh! Roll call! Hey folks, comment below the villains that you know!" "Dr. Kill Brew and Ajax!" "How is he alive?" "Ellen Whitby and Evil Deadpool!" "Those two!?" "T-Ray! Slayback, Princess Teela, Macho Gomez, Doctor Bong, Black swan, Black Tom Cassidy, Black Box!" "Now you're making me sound racist." "Garrison Kane! Allison Kemp, Vetis with Corrado Coloruno, Artie, Bobby Tisdell, and Daniel Grump! Professor Veronica!" "I still like you!" Professor Veronica moaned like the zombie she is. "Anastasia, Id the selfish moon, Rive, Sluggo, the switchblade sisters, Tiamat, White lightnin', Champion, Deathtrap, Father, Den Karke, Grasshopper, Butler, The paguros, White Man, Frankenstein, Vertigo, Blockbuster, Arclight, and Mr. Sinister!!!" Deadpool laid on a lawnchair, fast asleep with a playboy magazine over his face. Twist poked him. "Um... sir?" she squeaked. Deadpool snorted awake. "I'm up!" He yelled, shaking himself off. "Geez, I can barely keep track of who I fight and who I kill now. Welp, you may wanna stay back for this." "A-are you going to be alright?" "Yep! I think this is a fair fight. Just me vs all of these f**k-tards. But, I'm gonna make it interesting." He pulled out a boombox. "And if you're wondering, folks at home, I think this is the halfway point to this fanfic... or the quarter way point... maybe the 3/8th point." "... What?" "KILL HIM!!!" Taskmaster yelled, followed the whole quad charging at him. Deadpool pressed the play button on the boombox, which was followed by a kickass beat. He pulled his two katanas out and teleported into the middle, where he did a backflip on Ajax and Killbrew, proceeding to rock out as he began to fight. ♬In the brightest dawns♬ Deadpool threw a knife into Evil Deadpool's head, knocking the clone down before jumping ahead and sliced Garisson Kane's left leg off. He tackled Arclight, squeezing her breasts in the process. ♬I make any supers fall♬' He turned to see all the villains charging for him, each with rage in their eyes. ♬There's a lot of antiheroes♬ "Hopefully, this will work." Deadpool spoke before pressing a button. ♬But I'm the best of them all! Yeah!♬ A motorcycle came and knocked some of the villains down as it came to Deadpool. He jumped onto the vehicle and pulled out a Semi-auto and shot down Mr. Sinisiter... before three more came from behind. ♬Who has the coolest weapons?♬ "♬DEADPOOL!♬" The School foals cheered as Deadpool turned around and ran over Artie and Black swan. ♬Who has the tricked out rides?♬ "DEADPOOL!" Deadpool was surrounded by Blockbuster, Champion, and T-Ray, who all proceeded to tackle him. ♬Who does the sickest backflips?♬ "DEADPOOL! NANANANANANANANA DEADPOOL!!!" Deadpool began to spin around in circles, promptly making Champion and T-Ray to grab onto Blockbuster's legs. "DEADPOOL!!! DUHNA DUHNA DUHNA DUHNA DEADPOOL!!!" ♬If you think my muscles are big♬ Deadpool pulled out a katana and sliced Blockbuster's arms off, making him and the two big guys fly off and crush The White man, Frankenstein, and Anastasia. ♬You haven't seen my d**k♬ He proceeded to drive straight ahead and slice the heads off of Rive and Sluggo. ♬Ladies, it's okay if you stare♬ ♬Why?♬ "♬CAUSE MAN TEARS ARE IN THE AIR!!!♬" Deadpool sang as he drifted. "Quit dying on me, you idiots!!!" Taskmaster yelled. "You guys should stop while you're ahead, tryhards." Deadpool spoke, quickly enjoying a cup of tea before he threw the hot liquid in Daniel Grump's eyes. ♬I get the last laugh♬ ♬I’m worse than Mad Max♬ Some demons came out and began to mess with his vehicle. He jumped out, letting the motorcycle run into and over Vetis as he pulled two of his guns out and delivering headshots. ♬Make you get axed♬ ♬Like with Ajax♬ ♬Turn Taskmaster♬ ♬To P***-Master♬ ♬I'm about 90% insane♬ "Kiss me, Wilson." Professor Veronics spoke, holding onto Deadpool and going in for a kiss. "EWW!!!" Deadpool grudged. He teleported away, bringing in some of the dying and fresh corpses of the members out to get him. She gagged and kicked their heads away. With all of them gone quickly, he decided to shoot her in the head and stood his ground, shooting everywhere and hitting the baddies in their limbs or private parts. ♬Who is the funniest man?♬ "DEADPOOL!" The students cheered. ♬With the balls of steel?♬ "DEADPOOL! ♬Who can choke the a chicken?♬ "DEADPOOL!" ♬Who never skips leg day?♬ "DEADPOOL!" ♬Who always pays their taxes?♬ "NOT DEADPOOL!!" "How is he killing you all, again!?" Taskmaster demanded "Because," Deadpool answered, shooting Id in the head with a shotgun. "I'm Deadpool!" He sliced Father's face off. "I'M DEADPOOL!!!" He double kicked the switchblade sister's in their faces as he pulled a guitar out and did a wicked guitar solo! "I'M DEADPOOL!!!" Silence afterwards. The bodies of the various villains laid all over the schoolyard. Cheerilee stood with a wide, open, and shocked expression with her left eye twitching after seeing such madness. Only Taskmaster stood in the middle. "So," Deadpool spoke, taking out and flipping a knife in his right hand. "Want to risk it like old times? Or are you gonna run away and scream for your mommy?" Taskmaster stared for a bit. Then he turned and ran away, screaming his head off. "Aww... I was hoping for another fight... oh well." Her turned around to see the shocked teacher's expressions and the excited/ scared looks of the students. "... Uh... you shouldn't have seen that... I'm just gonna... yeah." A small schoolbus, with what looked like had a face on it, arrived behind Deadpool. It opened to reveal a woman with frizzy red hair in a bun and wore a dress that had images of Horses on it. "Seatbelts Every-!" She spoke before Deadpool ran in. "Drive! The skit's been canceled!" "What are you-?" "JUST DRIVE!!!" The bus's doors closed and it flew into the air. Author's Note When I first came here, I thought it would be a fun idea for Ms. Cheerilee to have the magic school bus herself. But, alas, I stuck with idiocy and went with Deadpool. And if you're wondering, this was meant for the finale, but I just said screw it and went with it... that and Logan is out. Had a great tear with that movie... and it was bloody awesome! Go see it! High School drama. The EQG worldThe Bus came to a stop. It's door opened, letting Deadpool out... who felt strange through it. Everything about him felt wrong as he exited the bus. He was outside of what could only be described as a high school with a familiar looking horse statue in front of it. "Where the hell are we!?" An annoying voice asked from behind. "Beats me." Another, more stern voice, answered. Deadpool turned to see two of his Teenager selves. "AHH!!! TWINS!!!" He screamed. "AHH!!! WE'RE FREE!!!" The annoying yelled. "We have our own bodies now." The other spoke, looking at himself. "And you're now a teenager." "What the-!?" Wade looked down at himself. "Ah s**t! I'm going through puberty again!?" "Ooh! You know what this means!?" Crazy asked "We can learn something new and correct our mistake of dropping out?" Stuffy asked "Nope! We can stare at younger girls now!" Deadpool stared for a minute... then felt his pants tighten. "Oh yeah..." Wade drooled. Stuffy slapped them both across their faces. "You perverts!" He yelled. "Howdy, strangers!" The voice of A.J. yelled. They turned to see the teenage version of Applejack, complete with a stenson and... denim skirt. "Why do you have a skirt on?" Crazy asked "Uh... pardon?" "You're a farmer, aren't ya? Isn't a skirt going to be bad? Especially if you fall and some sand gets up your va-" Stuffy covered his mouth. "I'm sorry for that! My brother... Carlos, isn't exactly great with people." "Oh, well, Ah can see his point. So who are ya'll?" "I'm Steven, and he's-" "Wade Wilson!" Wade interrupted, walking to her and extending his hand to her. "Glad to see that someone here looks relateively normal instead of a character from Doug." "... Is that supposed to be a compliment or...?" Applejack asked. "Don't mind him." Stuffy replied. "I'm the brains, Wade's the slacker, and Carlos is the idiot." "Hm, Ah can see that. But why do ya'll wear masks?" "We love 50 Shades of Grey." Wade answered, pulling out the erotic novel and opening it, where the head of George Takei began to read aloud. Applejack stared, then ran off. "What!?" Deadpool yelled "I thought you girls loved these type of erotic novels!" "I doubt she's horny like you." Stuffy replied. "Oh my!" Crazy replied with his best Takei impersonation. "Ech! We better find a way back home." Deadpool spoke. "Or we can stay here until the mess you've made is cleaned up." Stuffy suggested. "... Or that." He turned to the school. "Well... hopefully, we can meet every character here by the end of this chapter." "But we have to come back after EQG5." Crazy added. "Shut the f**k up!" He pulled a map out of nowhere. "Now, let's see the layout. "... Crystal Prep and Canterlot high are near each other?" Stuffy asked "What the hell!? That's a waste of gas!" "I knew Walmart was behind this!" Crazy added. "Perhaps. But, we should see everyone in the favorite thing!" "Montage?" Stuffy and Crazy asked. "Yep!" Rarity. "You mean to say that you meet three, disturbing triplets?" The white girl asked. "Yep." Applejack replied "They questioned why Ah wore a skirt instead of pants." "... Why don't you wear pants?" Applejack face palmed himself. It wasn't until Deadpool and crew came in, with Wade wearing black glasses and dressing up horribly that the Razies would say won for worst costume design. "Vhere is ze bathroom!?" He asked in a stereotypical German accent. "I need to drop der s**t!" "Um... who are you?" Rarity asked. Deadpool began to touch her face. "Oh my god! A real Mexican!" "A real-?" "Listen, der Mexicano! I'm a fashion designer from Iron Fist! Would you like to be fisted?" "What the-!?" "Oh wait, you're a man! I don't like gays zat way! Come! We must leave!" He tripped over a trashcan and fell into a janitor's bucket. "Oh! I found ze bathroom!" He began to unzip his pants. The two girls screamed and ran. "What is wrong with you?" Stuffy asked "Fashion is blind." Crazy answered. Fluttershy The yellow girls sat down, petting her pet rabbit on the steps of the high school. She paused and stared as Rarity and Applejack ran out, screaming for their lives. "... What just happened?" She asked aloud. "I happened." Deadpool spoke. She turned, only to be meet with a weird mask. OOGA booga booga booga!!!" "AAHHH!!!" She got up and ran. Deadpool took the mask off and snickered to himself. Rainbow Dash. The blue soccer girl practiced balancing the ball on her head... up until Deadpool tackled her in Football gear. "WHOO!!! This is a real sport, Missy! No one gives a f**k about Soccer!!! WHOO!!!" He ran and disappeared into the bushes. All dash could do was blink. "... What the-?" Pinkie Pie It went like this Sci-Twi Twilight entered her private private study in Crystal prep. However, she paused as she Deadpool, Stuffy, and Crazy all together, doing the deam meme, the Harlem shake. "What the-!?" She yelled. "How did you-!?" The bass dropped. Somehow, she was twerking as Crazy got Spike and performed The Daggering, Deadpool performed the D**k slang, and Stuffy hanging himself in the background. The Crystal Prep students. The 6 main students from the 3rd EQG movie (Who I won't mention their names) stood in the hallway, each doing their own thing. Deadpool ran and, with baby arms, smacked all of their breasts before running away and giggling like a madman. The principals. Principal Cinch stood, looking out of a window and getting a good look of the schoolyard. However, unbeknonst to her, and something she should've noticed, was Deadpool on her desk with his pants down... doing his business. The door opened and Principal and Vice Principal Celestia, Luna, with Shining Armor and Cadence entered, but gasped as Deadpool finished. Cinch turned around and gasped. "... Did you just...?" Cinch asked. Deadpool pulled up his pants and tightened his belt before throwing gang signs. "Wasup?" He asked with swagger. "Wassup, dog? Crapped on your desk dog, wassup with that?" They stared at him. "... SMOKE BOMB!!!" He threw a smoke bomb, making everyone cough before running away. Camp. Both Gloria and Timber finished making the camp look presentable to the new campers that will arrive. "We sure did it this time." Timber spoke, wiping some sweat from his forehead. "Yep." She replied. "And hopefully, nothing supernatural happens. A loud banging came from the shed. They paused and stared. The sound of an engine was turning on, before the door crashed open and Wade came out, wearing a blue hoodie and wearing a hockey mask. "I'M THE REAL DELIRIOUS!!!" He shouted "PSYCHO!!!" They screamed before running away, screaming their heads off. Everyone else. The whole town was under lockdown. Posters of Deadpool were around, simply labeled psychopath, hung everywhere and littered the streets. Deadpool, Stuffy, and Crazy walked down the streets, stopping at the bus stop. The magic School bus arrived before the door opened. "Seatbelts, everyone!" Ms. Frizzle spoke. "Yeah, let's get out of here." Deadpool spoke. "This town is getting boring to my taste. Highschool drama is not for me... let;s go back to the Fantasy world." "Agreed." Stuffy and Crazy nodded, but for different reasons. They entered the bus, which took them away and back to the real Equestria. Author's Note I enjoy the movies. But, let's be honest: high school movies really aren't really great. And yes, I think of Doug when I see them, with negative memories. And no, my name isn't Doug, but it's mostly for how boring that show was. A major Hangover: Ponies # 180-184: Gladmane, Trapeze Star, That director, and Seigfreid & RoyThe schoolbus fell to the floor with the ear r**e of the Magic School Bus theme. WE'RE CRASHING!!! WE'RE CRASHING!!! DAMMIT, MISS FRIZZLE!!! "I BLAME THE MEMES!!!" Deadpool yelled, pulling a baseball out. "What are you doing!?" The teacher asked as the bus was going to crash into Equestria's version of the Twin Towers. "Getting out of here, ya crazy b***h!!!" He smashed a window and jumped out. To make sure SJWs don't get triggered, the bus bloomed into many flowers, raining down happy thoughts of people being PC with each other. P***y! With the long way down, Deadpool began to spin out of control, looking more like a torpedo firing... and the song, Shooting Stars by the Bag Raiders played, with the floor turning into multiple other backgrounds for Wade to fall in/ be a part of. Some of these include being fired out of a torpedo, Rainbow Dash's Sonic Rainboom, passing through and using a mass relay from the Mass Effect games, doing M.Bison's psycho kick in Street Fighter, and, most importantly, the shrinking down to microscopic square sized scene in Ant Man, which would be impossible, and would've made a black hole, killing not just Scott Lang's daughter, but sucking up the whole world... Film theory. A lot of people are starting to hate Matt Patt. Well, there are major flaws in his theories, so there's that. "STILL SPINNING!!!" Deadpool yelled as he fell down to the city of Las Pegasus, Equestria's elaborate Chucky Cheese and Peter Piper Pizza... so, mostly the Main Event. Inside, a dark yellow earth pony mare with a glittery, poofy, blue mane & tail, and wearing a pink unitard, stretched for her performance. Her manager, a light blue unicorn stallion with a dark blue mane & beard (Who I swear may be Party Favor's Dad), approached to his client. "Ach! This is no good!" He spoke in a German Accent. "Miss Tapeze, I'm afraid we will have to cancel ze show!" "Cancel!?" She asked in shock "But why!?" "One of our 'guests' has fallen sick! I'm afraid we can't do ze saw in half trick like we've rehearsed." "But... but, surely, we can somepony else?" "Not unless they fall through ze roof, I don't think so." He shouldn't have said that, as Deadpool fell into the backstage... while yelling something that will trigger you SJWs. "ALLAHU AKBAR!!!" He crashed through the roof and landed on the floor with a loud 'CRACK', face first. "... Nailed it." "NEIN!!!" The manager yelled. "Nine!? I'm meh with that movie.... yeah, sue me! I'm not a huge fan of that movie! I ain't a sheep!" A lamb gave him a death glare before walking by him. "... How did a sheep get here?" Trapeze Star asked. "Ahh! Cover your cheek!" Deadpool pulled a rag and rubbed the marking off her face. "Hey!" She slapped his hand away. "What the hay are you doing that for!?" "That marking on your face! It looks likes boobs!" "...Boobs?" "Knockers! Melons! Ta-Tas! Meat baskets! The bra's best friend! T**s!" "... I don't follow." Deadpool slapped himself in the face. "Why did Hasbro censor Derpy those years ago and not censor your face paint?" Awkward staring. "... Anyways! Where does the magic happen, or do I have to bring it?" "... Do you know anything about magic?" "Well, I'm a human, and you're an Earth Pony, so do you?" "Touche. But what can you bring?" Deadpool pulled a chicken from out on nowhere. "I have my magical chicken with me! Say hello, Scootaloo!" "Ack! A chicken!?" A German accent stallion spoke, Seigreid. "Why bring a filzy bird!?" "Do not mind him!" The other, Roy, spoke. "Our pink prairie dogs are much better zan zat bird." "Ooh! Wir können einen Dreier haben!" Deadpool suggested "NEIN!!!" The two, totally-not-gay-German-stallions spoke, turning and running away." "VAIT!!! Ich habe Schnitzel! Bier! Und Brezeln!" He ran after them while carrying... the Nazi flag... with a picture of Trumpler "The show is ruined now!" The director yelled. "We only have a few seconds before we begin! Surely this can't get any worse!" The lights were cut off, leaving everyone in darkness... except for the hole in the roof, where the sun began to set. "Now listen here folks, uh-huhu!" A familiar, weak Elvis impersonation spoke through the intercoms. "Ya'll better stop what ya'll are doing and listen up! Starting right now, I plan to take over this here stage show, turn it back into my grand emporium from before, and get back to running Las Pegasus." "Oh yeah!?" Deadpool yelled, throwing his Nazi uniform out. "You ain't nothin' but a hound dog! And you're gonna die dropping chunks of burning love!" "Oh? And you're gonna stop me all alone?" "Who said I was alone?" Deadpool was in a sensei outfit, still holding the chicken, and walked to the stage while yodeling with some music playing. The spotlights turned to him, to which the audience saw Deadpool walking to the side, where the rich prick Gladmane stood, as much as in pure confusion as the audience. ♬You should know that a man with the power of nature Can bring you to the end of your luck And you should know by my stride and the look in my eye That you're about to be massively forced to give up!♬ He threw the chicken ahead. The bird turned from the animal to a pure white wearing ninja that had on a cute chicken hat on his head. It stood up, doing some flips, and prepared for combat. ♬Chicken attack Chicken attack Watch your back before it fades to black They might look harmless but they'll kick your non-chicken ass!♬ Some of Gladmane's henchmen got up and ran to the chicken ninja. The other Scootaloo easily blocked all their attacks and knocked down his opponents, subduing them, but not killing them, making them fall unconscious. ♬Go chicken go! Go chicken go! Now go, now fly You own the sky♬ With all of the Gladmane's men down, the ninja rolled backwards and jumped into Deadpool's hands, where it turned back into the bird. The crowd cheered and applauded. Gladmane, however, turned and ran away. ♬With the power of nature you're never alone And you can't let evil run amok Every beast, every tree follows me to the end And you're about to be massively F****d!♬ Deadpool threw the chicken ahead. A screen on top showed the streets of Las Pegasus, now night, showing the chases happening outside. Gladmane tripped and bumped into everything you can imagine in the busy streets, but the ninja otherwise was able to slide, jump, or parry over anything thrown at him. ♬Chicken attack Chicken attack Watch your back before it fades to black They might look harmless but they'll kick your non-chicken ass Go chicken go! Go chicken go! Now go, now fly You own the sky♬ Gladmane was near the end of the city, miles away, exhaused. He cowered as Deadpool stood over him, holding the chicken in his hands. ♬You're young and you're hungry Perhaps short on money I give you this chicken today♬ Deadpool gave Gladmane the chicken. I♬ts eggs for your dinner Its legs for next winter You won't have to steal again♬ "You're... a merciful person." Gladmane spoke, tearing up. "You're able to control all animals?" "いいえ！ 私はちょうどこの素晴らしいビデオを見て、この章でそれを使用しなければなりませんでした。" That's when Applebloom appeared, dressed up as a foolish samurai warrior wielding a magical sword. "Why the heck are you using fancy words?" She asked "なぜあなたの両親は生きているのですか？ 私は彼らが死んだと思った！ 家に帰る。 私はまだ次のサムライジャックのエピソードを待っている。" The Chicken turned into a ninja and ran away with Gladmane's mane, revealing it to be a toupee. ♬Go chicken go! Go chicken go! Now go, now fly You own the sky♬ Author's Note Thanks Miniladd for finding this song. Sometime in Ponyville."EVERYPONY!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!" Daisy of the flower trio screamed as she and many of ponyville's residents ran away from the self proclaimed 'YouTube Hero', which was a guy wearing all red with the head of that weird YouTube head they've been adding with the sad face. The figure ran around, blasting whatever and whoever came into place, making their heads turn into his and just laying on the floor... not dead, nor alive... most likely in a coma. "Where's Deadpool!?" A filly screamed. "He knows how to battle it!" "It's all Deadpool and not us, now is it?" The voice of Discord asked. The town turned to see the Taco Squad had assembled at the spot. "You know, we're with him." "But we haven't gotten any sort of action with him," Pinkie replied "Nor any mention since a couple of chapters ago. We're nothing more than a joke!" "Like that Cash me Outside girl getting her own TV show?" Surprise asked. "Eww! No! Nothing like that!" "At least we know it's gonna flop." Sonata added, having herself a taco. "Like Annoying Orange and Fred." "Ptththtpthtpthp!" Fluffle Puff spatted. "Oh, right, the monster." Pinkie replied, pulling a device from her mane. "Alright, everypony! It's morphing time!" "Pink Cupcake Ranger!" Pinkie shouted. Doing various flips and Karate moves while glowing, Pinkie turned into a human (kinda) with a pink suit and helmet that had enough room for her muzzle. The black visor was in the shape of a cupcake. She pulled out a large spatula out of thin air. "Pink Ranger, ready!" "Blue Taco Ranger!" Sonata shouted, following Pinkie's move. She was similar to Pinkie, but was bright blue and her visor was a Taco. She pulled a large frying pan out of the air. "Blue Ranger Ready!" "White muffin Ranger!" Surprise shouted. Following her peers, she was now all white with a muffin shaped visor... and a small derpy plushie on her head. "Ptthtphptphpt!" Fluffle Puff spat. She fell to the floor. An explosion came, and Fluffle Puff stood back, wearing a red suit like her peers, and the visor was the marker from Dead Space. "Krispy Kreme™ Ranger, go!" Discord added. He just pulled a Krispy Kreme™ donut out of a box and ate it. He became like his peers, wearing a white suit with green edges and a red visor that, when angled at the sun, read 'Krispy Kreme™'. Unlike the others, he was morbidly obese, looking more like those 'handicapped' people you see at your local Walmart. He fell onto a rascal scooter, slowly and painfully sitting down. "Ugh! I need a push!" The team assembled, supposedly looking badass, only to look more laughable than Deadpool dancing. "... We're doomed." Twilight muttered. "Oh dear, Discord really needs to get out more." Fluttershy only commented. Rarity and Rainbow Dash only stared before turning and puking away. The YouTube Hero only stared at them, unsure what to say (if it could, that is), and how to act. "Together! As a team!" Pinkie shouted. "YEAH!!!" They all added... before the 4 ladies kicked Discord out of the Rascal scooter, making him roll down a hill at lightning speed. The Youtube Hero didn't react and was flattened. "We did it!" The ladies jumped in the air in celebration, while Discord only shook his limbs weakly. "Need... Krispy Kreme™... donuts." He muttered. However, the YouTube Hero grew as the Various Corporation channels channeled all their money into it, healing the monster and making it grow to the size of Dragonlord Torch. "It's back!" Sonata yelled. "What do we do!?" "Ptthhpthptptphptphpt!" Fluffle Puff spat. "She's right!" Surprise nodded. "The only thing we can do!" The ranger all sat in a Krispy Kreme™ restaurant, trying out some of their different flavors. Well, except for Discord, who was getting beaten back to shape, literally, by Donut Joe and Twilight Sprinkle. Sparkle could only stare at her doppelganger "... Shouldn't we be doing something?" Pinkie asked. "Nah, it's all handled." Surprise replied. The YouTube Hero was taken out by the PornHub Beast, who had the biggest Censor bar and collection of Lube in the world. All of the single stallions worshiped their God, with the single mares judging the single stallions, even though they wish they had what it took to get their first interaction with love, and possible being the mother they've always dreamed of. Deadpool came back, seeing the destruction. "... I gotta do this." He pulled a megaphone out. "Play the Bee Movie!" The PornHub Beast gave a thumbs up and played the Bee Movie on it's screen. Deadpool laughed as he ran away from the groans of many villagers, but cheers of foals as an animated movie was playing. Author's Note Yeah, yeah, YouTube seems to suck nowadays, and this was inspired by the new Power Rangers movie, I won't lie. And if you're wondering, the Krispy Kreme Ranger came from Angry Joe's review of the movie, which I had to disagree with, but it made me laugh at the idea of that happening. Modern Art. Pony #185: Arrowhead.In Ponyville's local art museum, mares, stallions, and foals all gathered around, observing the various art pieces made by Shining Armor's friend, Arrow Head. The totally-not-a-hipster-pegasus stallion smiled away as everypony gathered around, observing his creations... with mixed feelings. Though, to be honest, while it would seem Equestria's population is a bit low in the intelligence, they kinda had the right idea of asking 'Is this even Art?' like we do nowadays. However, the stallion was poked in his left flank. He turned to see Scootaloo in her telegram outfit, with a package. "Sir Arrow Head?" She asked, offering the package. "Package for you." He took the package. She saluted before running off. "For me?" He asked, seeing the note on the package. URGENT. It read, but with really bad handwriting that most of us have nowadays and that our parents may say "Your God damn serial killer handwriting!"... okay... too personal. "What?" He asked, opening it. Inside was a gas mask, just able to cover his muzzle, though he had to hold on to it. Another note was in it. He read it to himself. Put this on right now. It read in that serial killer handwriting that my dad yells at me about even though I HAVE A DIFFERENT FONT THAN HIS!!!... Anyways, as soon as he read that, a strange colored smoke began to pump through the air vents around. The nearby ponies who took a whiff fell to the floor, fast asleep. Arrow Head, unsure as to what was happening, followed suit, putting and holding the gas mask over his muzzle. In a matter of moments, everyone in the museum was passed out, unharmed, both in, and anyone within a meter away. Soon, the gas dissipated away. The front door opened, and in came Deadpool, having a gentleman's hat and wielding cane in his right hand, and was followed by his Taco Squad, with Discord having a boombox on his shoulders. Everyone else had brushes and cans of paint with them, with the cans being open, it's handle's in their mouths, and all holding the brushes in their hooves. "Ladies, and a gentleman." Deadpool spoke. "Let's broaden our minds!" Discord pressed the play button, and out came a song by Prince. With a wave of his cane, Deadpool lead everyone in, swinging his cane around and knocking over the small, golden trophy, to which it shattered into smaller pieces. "Surprise?" The white pegasus bounced to him, not spilling any paint, surprisingly. He pulled out a fairly small paintbrush, and, on the all black 'painting', he drew a famous internet meme on it. Sonata spattered her cans of paint all over the hoof-print covered floor pannel, before jumping into the center and dancing to the music, while mouthing the lyrics, thought not entirely singing it. Discord himself, with the aid of his tail, went to every portrait, adding mustaches and dorky glasses to each of them... except for one. He paused, but snickered as he simply erased the glasses and pictures. Pinkie dunked her whole head in her can of paint before running face first, spattering her whole face into the cake picture, which somehow turned into the Mona Lisa. Surprise splattered every other painting with her own paint, not even caring the mess she made in the process. Despite all of his artwork being ruined, Arrowhead stayed silent, unsure as to whether to tell them to stop, or encourage them. A romantic table appeared in front of him, which was followed by everyone adding their final touches, and rushing to Arrowhead, where the song stopped and Deadpool took his seat in front of him. "You can take that off now." He spoke. Arrowhead followed, taking the gasmask off his muzzle. "You're beautiful... in an millennial kind of way. But I'm sure we can make you more... today." Pinkie pulled a flamethrower out and lit up the candles in front of them. Deadpool picked up his binder. "This your portfolio?" "I'm... meeting someone who wants to see my work." Arrowhead answered, sweating a bit. Deadpool looked through his artwork "Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap." He stopped at what looked like a genuine, morbid picture of Arrow's foalhood. "Now that's good work! The pain, the suffering. You give it such a dim glow. I'm not a huge fan of your art, but I like this." He stood up. "Let me tell you what I'm thinking about; I was in the bath one day... when I realized why I was destined for greatness. You know how concerned people are about appearances? 'This is attractive, that is not.' That is all behind me. I now do what other people only dream; I make art...until someone dies. See?" He snickered. "I am the world's first, fully-functioning homicidal artist!" "What do you want?" "... For everyone to laugh at pain and suffering without being too sensitive about things." "You're joking, aren't you?" "Do I look like I'm joking?" "... Kinda." "Listen, we mustn't compare ourselves to regular people. We're artists. For instance, let me challenge you with a piece I did." He pointed to Pinkie "Pie?" She ran out. "Luna." He turned back to Arrowhead, handing him a camera. "You will photograph and record my work. You will join me in the avant-garde of the new aesthetic." "Wade!" Luna groaned, walking in with a mask on. "You said I could watch you improve these paintings." "Oops! I'm in trouble now." "Why is she wearing a mask?" Arrow asked. "It's still just a sketch, really. Luna, please, sit down. Show the man why you wear this mask. Luna's been made over in line with my new philosophy. So now, like me... she is a living work of art." Luna showed her face. Arrow Head jumped up from the surprise! "I'm no Picasso, but...do you like it?" Deadpool asked "It's great." He lied "So...what can I do for you?" "A little song, a little dance. The DC Executives heads on a lance. What do you know about...?" He pulled up a photo of Paul Broucek" "I don't know anything about him." "Really? Well, how about a little "you and me"?" "You're insane." "I thought I was a Pisces, but, fair enough. Let's make up. Have a little... whiff of my posy." He pulled a gun and pulled the trigger. A flower hit the stallion on the head, making him scream like a little filly. He grabbed a vase of water and splashed it on Deadpool's face. Steam came out of his face as he covered his face. "Help me! I'm melting! I'm melting! Help me! I'm melting!" "... What did I just do?" He asked himself. Deadpool turned around, showing his real face. Arrow screamed again. "Boo!" Deadpool snickered. The shock made Arrowhead faint on the spot. "... So... dinner?" Luna asked, rubbing the fake eye off her face. "Yeah," Deadpool replied, putting on another dry mask on. "So, how do you like my new art?" "It's very creative. Much better than his artwork, might I add." "Eh, I had some help. I bet we can sell these to those rich folks in Canterlot and make a pretty bit!" "My thoughts exactly." Luna's horn glowed as she picked up the new, dried up paintings, and took them to be sale for Canterlot's next auction house. The roof crashed as Celestia came down, wearing an all black, bat-like costume. "That's far enough-!" She yelled in a grizzly voice before stopping and realizing the place was filled with her unconscious subjects.. "Dang it! How can I become Bat-Mare without anyone to fight or protect!?" Author's Note Yeah, yeah, an obscure, one off character from a new episode with a whole scene that's basically similar to Tim Burton's Batman? I'm that weird, I know. A certain specialThis is the story of a boy named Deadpool. A lonely boy who tried to make a friend for May 4th... A very young Wade Wilson stood outside of his family's trailer park home, wearing a red hoodie & pants, black gloves, boots, and a scarf over his face. Though it may be summer, it's still cold as hell in Canada, and today, something he thought of, was the holiday around Star Wars, May 4th, or simply dubbed, 'May the 4th be with you'. Of course, in the future, there will be 'Revenge of the 5th', but that'll offend the Mexicans, make Donald Trump laugh with pride, and, the last of prequel trilogy wasn't released at this time. But, let's get back to the boy in the snow. Little Wade made a snowman, all by himself with his own hands. It was about twice his size, but Wade gave it some stick arms, with the left having a red lightsaber taped to it, and a star wars blanket-cape that he took from his friend, Jeremy Jahns. A sense of pride went into the boy, who pulled out a Darth Vader helmet. "I've always wanted to explore the galaxy and have a real loving father," he spoke to himself. "But I think you'll fit that bill, Darth Frosty." He put the helmet of the snowman. True innocence filled his mind... until the ground shook violently with the sky turning red, fire erupting from the floor, and GOD DAMN DEMONS BEGAN FLYING OUT, RIPPING PEOPLE IN HALF!!! Wade gasped and turned around, seeing the a large figure emerging from a canyon that wasn't there before; it was the devil himself... or, more specifically, Mephisto. "Thanks, Kid!" Mephisto's voice boomed. "I've been waiting to fuck this shitty ass place up for a LONG time!!!" Wade only turned to see the literal hell on earth happening: People ran around, screaming for their lives as they were burned, ripped apart, and other acts of heavy violence that only a sadist would fap to. He whimpered as he turned to see Darth Frosty pointing one of his branches to him. "You... did... this..." He spoke in a dying gasp. "NIGHTMARES!!!" Deadpool screamed, waking up with a Darth Vader helmet on. He was in bed with Luna, who groggily woke up, dressed up like Princess Leia in her slave outfit. "What's wrong, Wade?" She asked. "... I just had a nightmare... where I caused the apocalypse... all because I put the helmet of Darth Vader over a snowman's head." "That's... weird." "Tell me about it! But I guess this is what I get for having a Star Wars Marathon almost non-stop with only blue milk to drink." "That, and you thought the CGI Leia looked good." "IT WAS MY FIRST TIME SEEING IT!!! Besides, at least there's no Jar-Jar around." The blanket unfolded and the Gungan walked out. "Me-sa disagrees." He spoke. "WHAT THE FU-!?" Author's Note Happy May 4th! And I saw that I have 666 likes... guess this fic is now Satanic, eh? Hoping to see the next Star Wars this year. See you all later! Late Mothers Day. Pony # 186 & 187: Windy Whistles and Bo-Hot Hoof."Are ya'll sure about this?" Applebloom asked. "It worked with Scootaloo, but ya'll are bigger than her." Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo all stood around the makeshift slingshot they used to launch their pegasus member into the sky with. Deadpool was dressed up as Evel Knievel, with only a helmet on his head, and used a different scooter. "Hey, if I get seriously injured, then this is my own fault." Deadpool replied, adjusting his helmet. "Besides, I can't wait to meet Rainbow Dash's parents!" "You could've joined me earlier." Scootaloo replied. "True, but that would ruin the episode." He pulled one of his katanas out and aimed it to the city of Cloudsdale. "To CLOUDSDALE!!!" "... If you say so." Sweetie Belle spoke, knocking the end rope back. THWACK!!! Deadpool's ass stung as the rope snapped on his butt cheeks, and was fired into the sky with the makeshift ramp. "MY AAAAASSSSS!!!" He screamed as he was fired into the air with the chorus of a famous Aeroshith song playing as he was in the air. ♬Don't wanna close my eyes I don't wanna fall asleep Cause I'd miss you babe And I don't wanna miss a thing Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream will never do I'd still miss you babe And I don't wanna miss a thing♬ "Thanks for the song!" Deadpool spoke as he was just a few feet from the bottom of the clouds. Hold on... can't only pegasus ponies walk on clouds? "... Oh s**t." BRACE YOURSELVES!!! "Mom!" Rainbow Dash blushed as she was presented with more fan mails her parents wrote for her. "Why do you take all this time to write to me?" "Because you're our wittle Dashie." The bulky, purple stallion with a shorter rainbow mane & tail, and green button up shirt spoke in a cooing way. "And there's nothing that can replace you." "Dad!" "Oh, but you'll love this," the cyan mare with the red & pale yellow, bowl cut mane & tail added, bringing in a large sandwich. "... Mom... is that-?" "A pasta and potato sandwichin between sourdough? Yep! I know how much you LOVE your carbs!" "Aww... thanks mom... I was feeling hungry and-" They stopped as they heard something falling. "RACIST MIDDLE EASTERN JOKE!!!" Deadpool yelled, crashing through the roof, holding some rather crappy, lit fireworks that barely did anything but make a few sparks and puffs of smoke. Rainbow Dash's cheeks bluhed even more red. "Oh no!" "Uh... who's this?" Her dad asked. Deadpool pulled his face out before standing back up. "Are you Mr. Bo-Hot Hoof and Mrs. Windy whistles?" He asked in a gentleman-like voice. "Uh... yes, that's us." Rainbow's mom replied. "Are you a friend of our Rainbow Dash?" "You bet!" He slid back and took a seat. "Name's Wade Wilson, better know on the surface as 'Deadpool', and might I say, it is such a privilege to meet the ever loving, supportive parents of the fastest flier in Equestria!" "Oh... uh... thanks?" Bo-Hot added, blushing himself. "We tried our best to make our little Dashie the best she can be! And it's paid off so much!" "How did you two meet each other?" Windy asked "She thought I was some sort of season premiere or finale villain planning to take over the world," Deadpool answered nonchalantly "she she beat the s**t outta me, and killed me." They stared at him awkwardly, then to Dash. Rainbow smiled awkwardly, sweating a bit, trotted to Deadpool, and turned serious. "Deadpool." She spoke through shut teeth. "This is NOT the best time for this! I'm TRYING to spend some time with my family!" "And you are!" He pulled out Scootaloo's scrapbook. "But boy, you were quite the adorable wittle fiwwy you were!" He pointed to a baby dash picture, who had a much more different looking mane with a single tooth. "D'aww!!! You had your daddy's manestyle! That's so sweet!" Rainbow Dash shook in anger. "Oh, she was," Bo-Hot added. "She changed it so it can be more 'aerodynamic'." "But our wittle Dashie really wanted shade over her eyes so she could take her naps better." Windy added. Rainbow turned red. "I can see that." Deadpool replied. "But did you find her in some are and she was like 'I'm Wainbow Dash! Mowe Appwe cidah'?" "She did say that!" They both spoke in unison. Rainbow began to steam wildly. She was triggered. In a blur, she tackled Deadpool, making a large hole in her parent's wall. The two landed on the floor below, but Deadpool teleported before he could hit the ground. "Ok, I know it's 2017... or whatever year people are reading this on, but I gotta do this! SANS THEME, GO!!!" Rainbow landed a few feet from Deadpool, snorting loudly. "Alright! I've had enough of you!" She shouted in pure anger. "All I wanted was to have some peace with my family, but YOU came along!" "Oh, Dashie," Deadpool replied "I thought you always wanted the attention. Afterall, from the wise words of Jake the Dog from Adventure time; Sucking at something is the first step to being sorta good at something." "STAY AWAY FROM MY LIFE!!!" Rainbow flew towards Deadpool, throwing a left hook. Deadpool blocked it. "What the-!?" "Never underestimate your opponent." "RAHHH!!!" Rainbow proceeded to throw many punches to Deadpool in super fast, Dragon Ball Z levels of speed, but Deadpool continued to block her attacks. The two were at it so fast, to the naked eye, they were both just blurs of red and blue! Deadpool ducked and slid across the floor, tripping the mare before standing back up. "Do you want to have a bad time?" "You're gonna have a bad time!" "Nope! Woop woop woop!" He ran away. "HEY! GET BACK HERE!!!" She chased after him. Throughout Ponyville, the two were nothing more but blurs of red & black and rainbows, clashing into each other, causing many large explosions of light upon impact. It wasn't until they literally clashed heads upon each other did everyone in town see who were fighting. "You may know everything I'm going to do! But that's not gonna happen since I know everything you're going to do! STRANGE, ISN'T IT!?!?!?" "SHUT UP!!!" The two kept pushing each other... until Luna came in. "Cease, now!!!" She shouted in her canterlot voice, blowing Rainbow and Deadpool away. The merc had a smirk across his face. "I win." He bloated. Luna zapped him.... and his tablet with the newest Samurai Jack on. ♬I'm sick of doing things for you I ain't your mama! ♬ "I was watching that!" Deadpool yelled ♬Poor you I ain't your mama! ♬ "What is your problem?" "Boy I ain't your mama." Luna replied ♬But what the hell do you expect when you only date your Young backup dancers? I am barely legal You're a cougar! You're a million years old! ♬ ♬It's true I like my men Extremely young The sexy dancer type Who's dumb and hung But my relationships all fail Time and again Cos I'm more than twice as Old as my men They're all spoiled From my money They make me cook They make me clean I'm like their slave ♬ ♬Girl stop acting Like you do not have maids and cooks that you pay Drop this dumb charade! Hey! ♬ Luna walked away to Big Macintosh. ♬All men lack maturity ♬ She took his apple. "Woah I was eating!" He shouted ♬Want no responsibilities ♬ He threw a quill at the Quills and Sofas guy, where it stuck out of his forehead with a small fountain of blood pouring. "Ouch I am bleeding!" He spoke, running off ♬I love this feeling ♬ She pushed Bob's computer as he tried to finish his chat with his mom online. "Hey you broke my PC!" He shouted. Luna walked to Night Glider with Party Favor ♬Is he your fiance? You should leave him You ain't his mama ♬ She pushed Party Favor to the side. "Why would you say that?" He asked with some tears ♬Cause all men act like kids Dump his lame ass! ♬ "She's right take back your ring!" Night Glider added, throwing a ring at Feather Bangs. Luna stood in front of a camera while dressed up as Hitlery Clinton. "Ladies you don't need a man! All men do is mooch off you and expect you to cook and clean and do their laundry, like you're their mama. Well that stops now! Walk up to your husband or boyfriend, tell that lazy a**hole 'I ain't your mama' and dump his ass!" "I ain't your mama!" Mrs. Cake yelled, slapping Mr. Cake across his face. "I ain't your f**king mama!" Twilight Velvet yelled at her husband as she got up and walked from their picnic. "I AIN'T YOUR MAMA YOU GREEDY PIG!!!" Cadence yelled as Shining rocked their baby to sleep. "I ain't your mama, and I want a divorce, you old sack of s**t!" Granny Smith yelled to Apple Stroodle, who already baked a delicious looking Apple pie for her. Soarin and Deadpool sat near a table together. "What's with our girls?" Soarin asked "They don't like us." Deadpool answered. "Due to Mooncheeks' midlife crisis. "They've been brainwashed by her huge butt!" Rainbow Dash and Applejack stood near their table. ♬We're too good to be Your loser's mommies We're finally free B***h!!!♬ They flipped their table before running out, where Luna, and every single mare made in this fic so far danced together as one. ♬Lunahas set all women free She is our hero Men are things we do not need Cos they're all zeroes! ♬ Twilight Sparkle ran to the front. ♬Wait I just thought of One potential problem What we do for sex Without our men? ♬ "Oh that's no problem." Luna replied, making out with Twilight quickly before singing and dancing. ♬We have each other And we can all be lesbian lovers Let's all start scissoring! ♬ Deadpool and every stallion in this fic all sat together, playing videogames, giving each other massages, and drank beer. The merc's phone rang. "Oh, you gotta be kidding me." Deadpool scoffed as he answered the phone. "Yellow?" "Hey," Luna spoke on the other line with the other mares next to her. "I messed up, REALLY bad! Seems every stallion in the world thinks they're gay because of my stupid song." "I know, and it's F**KING AWESOME!!! No more nagging women, constant beer, videogames, spoats, and SEX!!! We're shooting man tears as it's a sprinkler system here, and there's no one saying 'Clean that up!'" "No, babe! We really, REALLY want you guys back! We don't even know hot to scissor each other!" "... B***h... I ain't your daddy." The morale of the story is this: Don't be a blind feminist! Treat each other with respect. Don't make the other act like 2nd class citizens. Ooh! Can we also do one for racism and tell people to not hate white people!? I think Chubbs has that handled. Author's Note VERY late Mother's Day special... sorry. ░░░░░█████████████░░░░░ ░░░░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░█░░░░ ░░░█░░░░░░░░░░▄▄▄░░█░░░ ░░░█░░▄▄▄░░▄░░███░░█░░░ ░░░▄█░▄░░░▀▀▀░░░▄░█▄░░░ ░░░█░░▀█▀█▀█▀█▀█▀░░█░░░ ░░░▄██▄▄▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▄▄██▄░░░ ░▄█░█▀▀█▀▀▀█▀▀▀█▀▀█░█▄░ ▄▀░▄▄▀▄▄▀▀▀▄▀▀▀▄▄▀▄▄░▀▄ █░░░░▀▄░█▄░░░▄█░▄▀░░░░█ ░▀▄▄░█░░█▄▄▄▄▄█░░█░▄▄▀░ ░░░▀██▄▄███████▄▄██▀░░░ ░░░████████▀████████░░░ ░░▄▄█▀▀▀▀█░░░█▀▀▀▀█▄▄░░ ░░▀▄▄▄▄▄▀▀░░░▀▀▄▄▄▄▄ But, to stay relevant... "I'm Marry Poppins, ya'll!" Sisterly rivals. Pony #188: Day BreakerAfter that weird debacle that happened with every mare, going back to their husband and boyfriends, everything seemingly went back to normal... except that the day became the hottest day known to Equestria Kind. And not just in the hot day we Arizonians face everyday where we escape to our homes and turn up the AC to max, I mean the day was literally so hot, many of the trees bursted into flames and objects began to melt! Most thought Celestia was pulling a weird prank by pulling the sun towards them, but not only was Celestia unwilling to do something like that for a laugh, but the sun didn't move close to Equestria. Instead, they only saw a silhouette escape from the sun and heading towards them... right where Deadpool rested with a Ryan Reynalds blow up doll. "HEY!!! Everyone has their preferences!" He yelled. You might want to look up. "Look up?" He looked up, only to be meet with someone crashing onto him, causing yet, another explosion. The figure was a badass/edgy looking alicorn that resembled Celestia in many ways. Her coat was white, but it had a yellow tint to it, with a mane & tail made of yellow fire, very sharp looking wings, and wore battle-ready armor. Ooh! Day Breaker!!! How is she here? "SISTER!!!" The voice of Nightmare Moon shouted as she flapped her wings, a few feet away from the Celestia's alternate self. "You!" She hissed. "I thought I destroyed you after that battle!" "You're wrong about that! Now it is I who will rule ALL of Equestria!" "BAH!!! You're too weak to rule it all! I will succeed again, and this time, I'll-" "Boo! Get on with it!" Deadpool spoke. The two evil sisters turned to see Deadpool on the side eating popcorn. "And don't make it another f**king tie like these VS movies! I want to be happy and disappointed at the same time!... Like the last episode of Samurai Jack!" The two looked at each other, then back to Deadpool in confusion. "... Does he seriously want us to fight?" Day Breaker asked. Deadpool appeared before them. "Duh! Who wouldn't want to see two evil beings fight each other to the death and see who's the champion! It'll be a better Alien vs.Predator without the weird time convulsion that Alien Covenant brought!" PREDATORS ARE CANON!!! WE SAX A XENOMORPH SKULL IN PREDATOR 2!!! They should've just left the Xenomorph origins a secret... it's quite disappointing, and VERY stupid, if the latest movie is true The 2 gave more confused looks. "... Truce?" Nightmare Moon asked. "Truce." Day Breaker nodded. They turned to Deadpool and their horns glowed. "Any last requests!?" Deadpool stared, but smiled. "A musical, please!" "... What?" Day Breaker asked. Deadpool, in a blank of an eye, had the 2 wear suits with flat straw hats. He pulled out various instruments to make himself a one-man-band. "If you need to, summon midget versions on yourself to help." The 2 alicorns blinked. "... As soon as this is finished, I'm going to embarrass you with that outfit." Nightmare Moon warned. "HA! Like you can talk to anypony without crying!" Day Breaker scoffed. Deadpool played the instruments, making a familiar character song that most of you have forgotten. (But remember after watching Batman and Robin) Nightmare Moon pushed Day Breaker out of the literal spotlight that came out of nowhere and began to sing. ♬I'm Ms. Midnight moon I'm Ms. Night. I'm Ms. Nightmare I'm Ms. Dark below They call me Nightmare moon Whatever I touch Turns to shade in my clutch! I'm too much!♬ Her horn glowed and six, smaller, and a bit more adorable, versions of herself appeared, all wearing her clothes. They walked and danced around her as they sang the chorus. ♬She's miss Midnight Moon She's miss Night She's miss Nightmare She's miss Dark Below♬ ♬They call me Nightmare Moon Whatever I touch Turns to shade in my clutch! I'm too much♬ Nightmare Moon walked over to a chart that showed her sitting on the throne with a moon in the background. ♬I never wanna any sign of day Or even some light degree! I'd rather have it dim, frizzle, or dark! Only I can see!♬ The mini-moons picked her up and rested her on their backs as they lead her to a makeshift throne. ♬She's miss Mighnight Moon She's miss Night She's miss Nightmare She's miss Bark below.♬ Nightmare Moon took her seat, looking rather seductive the way she sat. ♬They call me Nightmare Moon Whatever I touch Turns to shade in my clutch! I'm too much!♬ She cackled as Deadpool played a piano nearby, wearing a black version of his suit. However, Day Breaker glared at him as her horn glowed. Another 6, smaller, more adorable versions of herself came out, throwing Nightmare Moon off the throne and seeting Daybreaker on it, who smugged as it bursted into flames. She got up and danced to her own intro. ♬I'm Ms. green house gas I'm Ms. Sun. I'm Ms. Heat Blister I'm Ms. One Hundred and one They call me Day Breaker Whatever I touch Starts to melt in my clutch. I'm too much!♬ Her versions danced similar to Night Mare Moon's version, except they walked the opposite way. ♬She's miss Day Breaker She's miss sun She's miss heat blister She's mister hundred and one♬ ♬They call me Day Breaker Whatever I touch Starts to melt in my clutch.♬ ♬She's too much♬ She slid to chartbook and showed each picture, before promptly burning them to ash with each flip. ♬I never wanna know a day That's under 60 degrees. I'd rather have it 80, 90, 100 degrees!♬ Her mini-versions brought in various spicy pepper, where she ate with no troubple at all. ♬She's miss Day Breaker She's miss sun She's miss heat blister She's mister hundred and one♬ ♬They call me Day Breaker Whatever I touch Starts to melt in my clutch. I'm too much♬ Nightmare Moon got up into Day Breaker's personal space and tried to push her sister out. Unfortunately, Day Breaker stood her ground and pushed right back. The two sucked with each other in the middle of the spotlight. Day Breaker smiled as she began to mock her sister. ♬She's Ms. Midnight moon She's Ms. Night. She's Ms. Nightmare She's Ms. Dark below They call her Nightmare moon Whatever she'll touch Turns to shade in their clutch! They're too much!♬ Nightmare Moon gasped, growled, and stood in front of her sister, proceeding to mock her in return ♬She's Ms. green house gas She's Ms. Sun. She's Ms. Heat Blister She's Ms. One Hundred and one They call her Day Breaker Whatever she'll touch Starts to melt in their clutch. She's too much!♬ The two knocked their heads together, which was followed by their mini versions also locking heads with each other. ♬She's too much!♬ ♬WE'RE TOO MUCH!!!♬ The two groups got into a fight with each other, making a classic cartoon dust cloud to block all the violence. It stopped as it showed Day Breaker giving Nightmare Moon a noogie. More fighting, then it showed Nightmare Moon giving Day Breaker a wet willie. Another stop at fighting, and the two gave each other multiple slaps to each other's face. Deadpool snickered away, as his job as the instigator had worked. Author's Note Another Waifu thief. Pony # 189-195: Feather Bangs, his mates, and those 3 mares.Deadpool strummed his acoustic guitar, making a beat in the home of the Justin Beiber looking pony, Feather Bangs, with, conveniently, his friends and lovers. "♬This is a song that I wrote about how I fell♬" Sugar Belle popped out of his covers. ♬Yeah that’s right it’s me, it’s Sugar Belle♬ ♬Even though we broke up I still want her to dwell.♬ "No!" ♬Then why the hell are you still here in my bed?♬ "Good question!" ♬This sounds just like an Ed Neighran song Cos I’m too busy apologizing to write songs alone so called this red-suit weirdo Cos he knows how to write a hit Even though he looks like a testicle and Rupert Grint Hooked up and a had a kid♬ ♬Feather said, "Wade, let’s write a tune it will be fun" And I knew if it was a hit I’d make a ton So even though he’s kind of a d****e I wrote him this pretty song but he’s so dumb He got the meaning of it wrong♬ ♬What do you mean? I know what it’s about It’s about learning how to love yourself Because sometimes You can’t Convince your ex to bone you So you have to love yourself.♬ Deadpool, Feather's friends and lovers followed the stallion into his living room as he pulled some lube from the counter. ♬I need to find myself some privacy Cos I can’t wait to get back to loving me♬ "Are you serious!?" Deadpool asked ♬Dude the lyric ‘Love yourself’ doesn’t mean masturbate♬ "Ai yi yi!" The Sugar-Coat looking pegasus mare yelled. "Feather Bangs!" "Oh my Gosh, it’s one the maids!" He panicked a bit as Deadpool activated a censor bar to keep this Teen and not Mature (much to his disliking) ♬Guess I better put my dong away Now my maid is traumatized so I better give her a small tip♬ "I already got it." She replied in disgust, turning and walking out. ♬Great, now all of my lotions’ gone And my hoof's dry so I need something to rub my guy with Hey I’ll check the kitchen♬ "If you’re coming in here, you better not be rude." Sugar Belle spoke with a roll in her eyes. "I’m just looking for something I can use as lube." He replied. "Feather, that’s not what this song’s about!" Deadpool shouted. "By the way why are you still here in my house?" "Good question!" Sugar Belle answered and marched right out. "Listen see, this song is about-" Deadpool spoke before being pushed out of the way by the Elsa-looking unicorn and the Belle-looking mare." ♬We're sorry that she screamed but we haven't changed our minds Mister Feather, show us your ding-a-ling!♬ The two got to their knees and touched where his junk should be. "What the-!?" Coming in was his friends. ♬Feather, surprise it’s us You’re friends, we need more money- Damn what do you feed that thing!?♬ "Guys, please stop staring at my guy and balls." Feather blushed. "It’s not fair yours is so big, ours are so small." The three guys spoke in unison. "Guys, that’s really weird." "Aren’t you kind of scared of that thing?" "No not at all" The unicorn mare spoke in a rather disappointed tone before walking out. "Oh my gosh! I think I finally understand this song." Feather walked to a mirror with his own reflection, followed by the single mare and his friends. ♬Mister Feather, you can make love with me Cos then you will not have to love yourself♬ As the mare cuddled with Feather, Deadpool, still on the guitar, stood back up. ♬This moron still does not understand this song’s lyrics Argh I want to kill myself!♬ "Feather, I’ve decided we should get back together I love you and no one else." Sugar Belle spoke, popping out of nowhere "Sugar, you’re a witch and I found someone better so you can live with yourself." Feather replied before turning back to his reflection. "I finally understand the true meaning of this song: It means you should fall in love with yourself, and in term, be sexually aroused by your own reflection. Hey, yo, guys!?" "Yeah?" The three guys replied. "Hand me your lube!" "Heck ya! I’ma be here for a while." "I'm not gonna watch." The last mare huffed, annoyed, and walked right out. "God damn it! No, that’s not what this is about, Feather! I can’t take this anymore! You know what this song is not even about Sugar Belle! I’m going back to Luna!" He stomped right out as he heard only squeaking noises with Feather's own gasps on repeat. However, he stopped as he saw the three mares looking rather sad that their waifu wasn't anything like they dreamed about. Deadpool, however, smiled, and walked to them. "You know... I take note of ALL of my adoring fans." They fainted in love, indicated by the hearts and doves flying... before pooping all over Deadpool. "Really!?" Author's Note I was going to have a Gaston parody, but I'm rather busy with bills and work. Sorry. But, enjoy! (づ ◉ ͜ʖ ◉ )づ Pony # 196, 197, 198, and 199: Lily Lace, Star Streak, Inky Rose, and Strawberry Sunrise (づ ◉ ͜ʖ ◉ )づ Pony # 196, 197, 198, and 199: Lily Lace, Star Streak, Inky Rose, and Strawberry Sunrise In Rarity's Boutique, the fancy marshmallow mare, examined the various dresses her three main designers. They were, as you read from the chapter title, a very light cream unicorn mare with a long silver mane & tail in a blue see-through dress, a very flamboyant stallion with a mane that looked like a nautilus got freaky with some red vines, and a very goth looking pegasus mare that would make many Teen Titans fans cheer as she reminded them of Raven... only to cry when I mention Teen Titans Go!. But, anyways, all three made their costume, when they heard a tune of some sort. The clapping came as knocks on the door before it came crashing down. Deadpool entered, wearing a Nazi outfit with plenty of Schnitzels, Bratwursts, Pretzels, and Bier. He danced away, presumably drunk, with Rarity and the others staring. "I say," the stallion spoke "is this the current trend that's happening? I doubt the... Germane look is going to last well." "Du schlief die S*****e, schwuler Herr!" Deadpool yelled in German, unaware that I know how to use Google Translate and censor his swear word. "Verdammt!" "This is, like, totally noisy." The unicorn spoke the way basic white chicks do. "Is he, like, this loud?" "You'd be surprised." Rarity huffed. "I like his outfit." The Goth Pegasus just spoke. They turned to her with a strange look. "It's black." Deadpool placed a matching officer's hat on her head. "Begleiten Sie mich, wie wir unseren Herrn und Erlöser loben, Trumpler!" He pulled out an Oompa Loompa toy with yellow hair and a black, Toothbrush mustache. "... Sure." Rarity walked in between the two. "Now, now, we don't want to get too distracted, do we?" She spoke before turning to Wade. "I'm sorry, Deadpool, but we're in the middle of another fashion contest, one that's a lot more fair and not as... rude as Applejack's." "Fashion!?" Deadpool asked, taking his 3rd Reich outfit off. "Count me in!" "...You want to participate?" "Well of course! Ever since I was young, I've always wanted to explore beauty in my own way." You wanted to be a T-Rex during High School. And we do experience beauty: Through violence! Like Samurai Jack! "Uh... well..." Rarity began. "I guess the more the merrier... but-" "I got this sweet Heavy metal Soundtrack for you." He pulled out a record. "... Deal!" Rarity took the record with her magic and ran to her room, giggling like a filly as the heavy metal played loudly, but muffled. Deadpool turned to the three competitors. "I can already tell that I'm gonna win." "Yeah right!" Star Streak snorted. "You don't even have any sketches re-" He was cut off as a large sketchbook face planted him. Deadpool opened it and looked through his various sketches, most of them were different sex positions he'd since mastered. The two mares saw some of his sketches. "Wow, these are like, so totally gross!" Lily Lace spoke as she pulled out a cup of Starbucks coffee. Inky didn't say anything, but blushed as her wings popped out with a loud 'Poomf!'. Deadpool took his sketchbook off of the stallion, cracking his knuckles as readied himself. "Let's do this!" He spoke to himself. Rarity sat next to Starlight Glimmer, who agreed to do this as a way to see some fashion, and Strawberry Sunrise, the yellow pegasus mare with a red mane similar to Carrot Top/Golden Harvet's mane... hopefully, no one thinks they're twins. The music began... and it was weird. "Up front! We have Lily Lace!" Rarity announced. One of the first 3 ponies to show off their dress came out with a swan inspired costume. "Ooh! I like the feathers!" Starlight spoke. "Honk for us!" Starberry shouted before munching on another strawberry. The next pony came out wearing an elegant looking outfit. "Very nice! Very Canterlot-like." "Is she gonna get kidnapped like the princesses? I hope so." The final one wore a nearly invisible dress with slight hues of blue in it. "Looks like the sky. Very nice." "About as dense too... like her mind." Starlight just turned to Strawberry with a offended look. "Next! Star Streak!" Rarity announced. Another three. The first had a plaid looking outfit. "I like the patterns." Starlight commented. "Plaid? More like Plain." Starberry spoke. The 2nd one looked like they were made of crystals. "Very cool! Like the locals as the crystal Empire?" "Hope they're not as fragile as they look." The last one looked very wavy, similar to that of water. "I'm feeling rather cool with this." "I want it boiling away." "Inky Rose!" Rarity continued. The first wore a simple black turtle neck. "Huh... seems simple, but elegant." Starlight commented. "Like a corpse?" Strawberry asked. Another one came out, wearing a skirt that seemed to be made out of webs. "Ooh! Freaky." "It must be really dusty down there." The last one wore a trenchcoat. "Very mysterious." "I wouldn't be surprised if he flashed-" "Finally! Deadpool!" Rarity finished. The first pony simply wore an outfit made entirely out of strawberries. "Uh... strawberries?" Starlight asked, rather confused. She expected Strawberry Sunrise to make another roast... only to see her slightly drooling with an open mouth. The 2nd pony wore clothes that looked like a strawberry. "Huh... I guess that's neat." Strawberry Sunrise drooled harder with some slight stammering and a few twitches in her left eye. The last pony just wore a strawberry costume. "... Really?" Strawberry Sunrise drooled a waterfall and began to foam at the mouth. "Well, these were some interesting fashion choices," Rarity spoke. "But only one can be the champion. Judges? Who do you think-?" She was knocked out of the way as Strawberry Sunrise tackled the ponies in Deadpool's costumes. "THEY WIN!!! NO DOUBT!!! THEY WIN IT ALL!!! GIVE ME MY STRAWBERRIES!!!" Deadpool knocked her in the back of the head with a frying pan. The mare fell to the floor, unconscious, but not without leaving a few psychological scars on the models. "Yeah... I guess I'm glad I didn't put strawberries over my balls." He spoke, taking the large strawberry off of his crotch area. "Ooh! I wonder what would happen if she was in the world of Strawberry Shortcake?" Author's Note Ok! We're near the 200 mark! And, I already know who's the 200th pony! ... It's you! If you have any requests on what Deadpool should do, PM me 💯👌😂🔫 Pony #200: YOU!!!You have done it! After sometime of following this fanfic, you were finally going to enter D.i.E.! Sure, you could’ve entered any other fic of your choice, from something much better, or even to those 😘 clop fics you have seen with the Mature ratings on, but this was the best thing that can happen! You were going to meet your , and no one was going to stop you! You stepped through, feeling yourself change, but not painfully. You knew that once you stepped through, you were doing to become a 🐴... perhaps a 🦄? You landed in the world of Equestria, right outside of Ponyville. Everything about you had changed; you looked down to see that you were on all four, and your 👐 and feet have turned into hooves! Looking behind, you saw that, sticking out of your 🔙 was a tail, along with some wings. You 😁 and🏃 ahead, searching to see your idol. Perhaps you were going to 👨🎤👩🎤 together, maybe 🥊 some monster, or just sit down and play some 🎮. Anyway, you were prepared. “🛑!” The familiar voice of Deadpool spoke. “Is that who I think it is?” You turned around 😍 as you were face to face with Deadpool. “Oh? The reader! New to this fic, or have you been around since this was uploaded?” You were 😕, unsure how to answer. “Eh, nevermind. Say, would you like to do something... naughty?” He 😉. You 😱 and screamed aloud. “MY BODY IS READY!!!” You grabbed onto him. He teleported you both away, into a disclosed location. The place looked like an empty apartment with a single bed. You turned around with a 😛. Deadpool slowly pulled down his pants and showed you his 🍆. You stared at with a 🤤. “I don’t know if what gender you are,” he spoke seductively. “But would you like my 🍆 in your ?”👌 “... Yes!” You replied while 😌. You turned around and lifted your tail. You embraced yourself. His 🍆 slowly went up your 👌. You felt 😩. Then you 😓. You then began to 🤔. For some reason, his 🍆 didn’t feel like an 🍆, but it felt more like a 🥒. But, you couldn’t help it anymore: Your 👌 was being penetrated so hard, you can feel a🌊 of Deadpool’s 👶 going into you, and- ] What the-!? Who’s-!?... Pinkie Pie!? What is this!? What the hay are you doing!? Uh... making a new chapter starring the reader with Deadpool. Oh no, I know that, But you’re using Emojis!? Uh... yes... but as a form of censorship. I mean, I’m going back to- Don’t you remember what you said!? ... This was a one time deal. NO!!! Every time you use Emojis, you support the release of the Emoji movie. Well... yes, I said that, but- BUT NOTHING!!! Do we need to rewatch what is about to happen? N-No! Pinkie! Don’t- Please... no more! No more! Need... Wonder Woman... need... Captain Underpants... Need... Coco... must... watch... ponies! Aww, cheer up! With you out of your dad’s house, and having plenty of time to do whatever, you can see ALL the things that will rock this year! Now, if you excuse me. Uh... Pinkie... whay do you have those fidget spin- NOO!!! MY FLOOR!!! PINKIE!!! ... Wait, what’s this? ... ‘The Fidget Spinner movie script’... 🚓🚨🚔 Oh no. 👮 GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR, NOW!!! Officer! Wait! I can explain! 👮 HE’S RESISTING ARREST!!! TAZE HIM!!! No! Wait! That’s not- AHHHH!!! 👮 HE’S GOT A GUN!!! That’s a remote!!! 👮 HE’S GOT A REMOTE!!! AHHHH!!! Author's Note Yeah... this going to be the first and last time I use Emojis for a chapter... Give me the bleach... and Squeeze my wiener! Mah Cuzin. Ponies 201 & 202: Ma Hooffiield and Big Daddy McColtDeadpool sat in a recliner in his house, bored out of his mind, with only the corpses of the various emjois from last chapter hanging on the walls. He reached over and dialed a number. As it rung on the other side, Wade let out a random burst of laughing, up until the phone was picked up from the other side. Some garbled voice came. "Yes, I can hold." Deadpool replied, lazily laying down on the seat. More voices. "Yes! I would like to place an order for delivery... Deadpool... I think I'm in the computer... YES! That's it! I'd like a large-WHAT!?... Huh?... EXTRA THICC!!! 30 minutes or it's free? EXCELLENT!!!" He cackled away before the other line hung up. He hung the phone himself. Did we really have to make a Samurai Jack joke? Do you see any talking penises? ... Uh... "Enough of that!" Deadpool spoke. "It's time for us to head to the next part of our chapter! And we're going southern." He put on a cowboy hat as well as a pair of overalls. "It's time for us to meet with our cousins! Who can also be our wives." Then he pulled out a Banjo and began to play away as he burst through the wall of his house on a Tractor with his collection of Moonshine (complete with faces of Princess Luna's various emotions) and blasting his shotguns in the air, making everypony run around and make horse noises. Deadpool arrived to the Smokey mountains, right where the animal shelter laid in between the mountains. "Hoo Dawgin'!" Deadpool spoke in a Stereotypical Southern accent. "This must be that ther' place Twi and Fluts went to fer that episode!" Are we really going to use that Souther Accent. What are ya'll? A Yelleh Belleh? "Hoo Dawgin'! A Guest!" A loud woman's voice spoke. "Is that ther moonshine?" Another loud voice, this one, a man, spoke. Deadpool turned to the 2 ponies in questions. The stallion, while short, looked at least normal, but the other one... "... Play it." Deadpool threw the Moonshine at them. "Get back! Get back ugly beasts!" As soon as the last one was thrown, he put on a suit made entirely out of Fidget Spinners. "SPIN!!! SPIN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!" He began to spin in a circle, similar to Crash Bandicoot, with the fidget spinners spinning away. In a few moments, Deadpool flew to the sky, never to be seen once again to the Hooffields and McColts. Author's Note Happy 4th of July, folks. Didn't really know what to do with those 2... only that Ma Hooffield is Ugly AF, and Deadpool would avoid her. The next chapter is going to be rather more calm, actually, and a bit touching. Some jokes, just not every few minutes. A break from the madness. Pony #203-206: Grand Pear, Burnt Oak, Bright Macintosh, And Pear Butter/Buttercup.The sun began to set in the distance, letting everypony know that the day was about to end and the night was going to begin soon. In Sweet Apple Acres, the apple family was accompanied by some some familiar faces, each having a single tear strolling, though smiling at the same time. They all walked to a spot where the apple farm and the abandoned pear farm meet, vaguely separated by a walkway. "Ah sure do miss ma and pa," Applebloom spoke to her big sister. "Think they're in a better place?" "Ah sure hope so, sugarcube." Applejack answered to her little sister. "Hard to believe today is their anniversary." "Eeyup." Big Mac simply said, turning to his father's best friend, Burnt Oak, seeing the brave face he's putting up. He turned to Mrs. Cake, seeing his mother's best friend put on the equally same face, perhaps wishing they were still around. Following behind them was Mayor Mare, the pony who wedded their parents, their grandfather, Grand pear, and Granny Smith. It seemed this was going to be a bittersweet reunion, as they went to the place where their parents wedded, which had itself an intertwined Apple and Pear tree, making a heart at their top. The sight itself was something to behold, even if it is the only thing the two left behind, excluding their three children. However, they stopped as they saw Deadpool near the tree, placing something at the base of the roots of the intertwining trees. It was enough to make Applejack run to Deadpool with fury. "Just in tarnation are ya'll doing here!? This is not a place for you to be messing around with yer shenanigans, or whatever are ya'll thinking is a good-" She paused as Deadpool stepped aside. He simply place two tombstones next to each other, both interconnected by some twigs, with the left having an apple and the other a pear. R.I.P. Bright Mac. A Good Father. R.I.P. Pear Butter. A Loving Mother. Applejack stuttered at the sight. Applebloom approached to the masked mercenary. "D-did you know our parents?" She asked. "... Not personally." Deadpool answered, leaning down to the filly. "But I've heard much about them. Two housholds, both alike in dignity, and from faith itself, a pair of star-crossed lovers do anything to be with each other. Their love burned with a great passion, each willing to break a few rules just to be with each other." He teared up underneath his mask. "And... when the time came... one of them was abandoned by their own family... who's now regretted his own decision." He turned to Grand Pear, who looked guilty. "... You f**ked up... but... you're trying to make it up... something I have to give proper respect to, Mr. Shatner." "Uh... thanks?" The old pony said with a bit of confusion. Deadpool turned to the graves. "It's a shame, really... they were probably the best parents anyone can ask for." "Yeah... they were." Applebloom spoke, getting some vague memories back when she was really little. "Yeah... I kinda want to, but I don't think I should." "... What?" "... Go back in time... and save your parents." "Wha-? Do it! Please! Ah wanna see my parents again!" Applejack dragged Applebloom away. "Hold on, Sugarcube," She spoke "Ah think Deadpool may have a point here... surprisingly." "What!?" "Yeah," Deadpool spoke. "I fear if I did, then something worse is going to happen. If there's two things I know, it's that time travel is very fragile, and that I'll get distracted unless someone like Cable arrives... so don't be surprised when I do something like Cheap Cheap Cooking from Parrapa the Rapper." "... huh?" "Something only Old school gamers will understand. But, I'm not really here to crack jokes, I'm here to give my respect to these two lovebirds... without Pressing F or X." All he did was pull out a chair and an acoustic guitar. He tuned the guitar and cleared his throat before playing a song that made Star-Lord sense a disturbance in the force. ♬It's not time to make a change Just relax, take it easy You're still young, that's your fault There's so much you have to know Find a girl, settle down If you want you can marry Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy To be calm when you've found something going on But take your time, think a lot Why, think of everything you've got For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not♬ The Apples, and their guests, sat down, mesmerized by the song ♬How can I try to explain, cause when I do he turns away again It's always been the same, same old story From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away I know I have to go♬ "This... they would be proud to hear this." Burnt Oak simply spoke, wiping a tear away. "Hard to think how we're connected by this couple." Mayor Mare added, trying to keep a professional look. "...Friendship really is magic." Mrs. Cake finished. ♬It's not time to make a change Just sit down, take it slowly You're still young, that's your fault There's so much you have to go through Find a girl, settle down If you want you can marry Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it If they were right, I'd agree, but it's them they know not me Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away I know I have to go.♬ Deadpool finished. He just stood up and bowed. "Thank you for listening." He simply spoke, turning and walking away from the sight. That... I thought we were going to do something exciting. Like what? What would be exciting that wouldn't offend the Apples and their closest friends? ... Ghostbusters? "Ok! That's too far!" Deadpool yelled to himself. Author's Note Best Cannon couple. Another conspiracy. Ponies 207-210: Dr. Fauna, Wrangler, Hard Hat, Dandy Grandeur ... and that giraffeTo put off his wait for Watchmojo's inevitable Top 10 Sexiest Emojis, followed by top 10 Sexiest letters of the Alphabet (which he hoped #1 is S for it's curves), Deadpool decided to check out the Sweet Feathers Sanctuary Fluttershy... with Wrangler, Hard Hat, and Dandy Grandeur. "Let us go this instant, you ruffian!" Dandy ordered. "I'll have you know that my security will be after you!" "Hey, buddy!" Hard Hat barked. "Don't make me get the boys on you!" "I'm not gonna repeat mahself!" Wrangler spoke. "If ya'll don't let me go, then I'm gonna show you what it means to be bucked by the horse!" "Yeah, yeah, shut up." Deadpool nonchalantly replied, throwing them all on the side to see the sanctuary. "See what could've happened? Something as beautiful as this could've been made, but NO, you don't go with Fluttershy's idea! You just want to do things traditionally!" In retrospect, Fluttershy should've been more organized and have a more clear idea to show. Shut the f**k up! The episode says she's innocent, so she's innocent! They all looked at the sanctuary. "... Why didn't she show us a model of this?" Hard Hat asked. "I couldn't tell with those twigs." "Agreed." The other 2 added. "D'oh!" Deadpool yelled, facepalming himself... right before falling over a cliff and rolling down the hill, landing next to Dr. Fauna, who was checking on the giraffe. "Oh, why hello there, good sir." She greeted kindly. "Here to see the animals?" Deadpool lifted his head. "That, and to show the 3 stooges of what could've been, though they seem to agree that Fluttershy didn't had a proper vision to show them." "... ok, not gonna ask." "So, whatcha doing?" "Just checking on Clementine. She's had a bad case of a flue." She turned to Deadpool who was dressed up as Lee from The Walking Dead. "... Uh..." "I know, the feels have returned from everyone who played that. But..." He turned to Clementine. "Clementine! Please! Speak up!" The giraffe gave a confused look. "Uh... sir? Clementine's a giraffe. Giraffe's can't-" "She's an equine! And from what we've seen, Equines can speak; Ponies, Donkeys, Zebras, Changelings, anything that's part equine can speak!" He turned back to Clementine, squishing her cheeks together while bringing her head to his. "Please! Speak to us!" Clementine looked both ways before letting out a sigh. "Alright, you got me." She spoke in a rather... sultry voice. "WHAT!?!?!?" Dr. Fauna yelled. "A-HA!!! I F***ING KNEW IT!!!" Deadpool boasted. "Look, it's not that simple." Clementine spoke up. "In my home, the Zebras have taken over my kind's secret kingdom. We were a proud kingdom, unheard of from any other race, for better and, in this case, for worst. The Zebras found us and, being threatened by our height, declared war on us and attacked our home. Our necks prove to be our biggest weakness, as they were quick to enslave us. While a good number of us escaped, we didn't know who to trust, so, we acted like animals, being quiet from everything around us, especially to you ponies. Seems you're the only one to get passed my charade, Mr..." She paused as Deadpool snored away. "Oh great." She turned to Dr. Fauna, who still looked shock. "Look, thanks for the help Dr. Fauna, and I'm sorry, but with this long neck, how am I supposed to do anything?" She turned and trotted away. Dr. Fauna fell to the floor, passing out. Deadpool teleported and rode on Clementine's back. "Hi ho! Clemmy, away!" "Hey! Get off!" She spoke, trying to buck Deadpool off, only for the merc to grab onto his neck. "Listen, I'm no expert, but I know someone who you can talk to that, if done well, can lead your kind to be free and equals to the zebras." "... I'm listening." "NO! NONONONONO!!!" Clementine pleaded as Deadpool, with a leash, dragged her to Zecora's hut. "Anything but that! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!" "Oh quit your whining!" Deadpool replied. "Zecroa isn't that bad, and I think I know why." "How can you tell!?" "Fan theory time!!! Zecora left her kingdom because of the poor treatment of the giraffes, wanting to get away from the torture that was happening, so she sailed across the land to find Equestria, where peace and friendship is possible. Of course, the Everfree forest was more or less like home, but she plans to use make a powerful potion that can make the zebras realize what they're doing is wrong and change their ways." "And where did you read this?" Zecora asked, walking to Deadpool. "Tell me, or you're getting a deathwish." "Relax, it's just a theory... A PONY THOERY!!!" "... Is this a giraffe? How is she here, away from her home and a half?" "Ah, yes, Zecora, meet Clementine. Clementine, Zecora." "... Please, don't hurt me." Clementine whimpered. "Hurt you? I have no interest in doing that for you, so blue." "... Really?" "I am not like the others. We do share the same mothers." "Mothers? You mean... oh! The different versions of Faust herself?" Zecora nodded. "Have fun!" Deadpool replied before running off... and getting mauled by a Timberwolf shortly. "AHH!!! SPLINTERS!!!" Author's Note After seeing the various Giraffe artwork (with some OCs), I had to make this a bit of a weird fan theory on why Clementine doesn't speak. Of course, others may say she's a mute, but I think otherwise. Some dark themes in a kid's show... When Emojis attack.Deadpool sat on the public bench in Ponyville park, laughing his ass off at the Emoji movie. No, not the movie with what has the 'best jokes', no, it's more or less the reviews, fromy YouTuber reviewers like Jeremy Jahns and Christ Stuckmann, to Rotten Tomatoes and Metacritic, all of which made him laugh hard, due to him, and practically everyone else, knowing the idea was stupid and the movie was going to blow. However, just like how most people went to see the movie ironically on purpose, knowing it's going to be bad, Deadpool began to use Emojis up the ass! Almost on every website, Deadpool began to use every single emoji in rapid speeds, it would probably make both Quicksilver and the Flash feel slow. But, as you can suspect, due to the high speeds of Emoji usage, with the heat literally rising, and a storm arriving, something was going to go wrong. As soon as Deadpool clicked on a 'Meh' Emoji, a single bolt of lightning came down and shocked Deadpool. The surge of electricity, added with the heat coming from him & his phone, and the amount of Emoji usage, it blasted the mercenary away and opened a portal to another universe... To Textopilis. "Look! A new home!" Gene yelled, running in. Before Deadpool could do anything, all of the Emojis ran out of their world into Equestria and began to wreck havoc! ... If you count 'Wrecking Havoc' as annoying everyone around them and simultaneously give foals nightmare inducing faces that would make Tom & Jerry: Willie Wonka & The Chocolate Factory jealous. "Look at me! High Five!" High Five spoke, running to Twilight. "I have hooves!" She replied, turning and walking away. "I'm the princess of this land!" Luna spoke while dressed up inconspicuously "Like you are!" Jailbreak replied. "You're probably one of those Edgy girls that rebel against their status quo." "Look at me!" Gene spoke, dancing to the CMC "Join me!" "APPLEJACK!!!" Applebloom screamed, running away. "RARITY!!!" Sweetie Belle followed. "RAINBOW DASH!!!" Scootaloo added, but was just really running after Rainbow Dash, not affected by the Wal-Mart face voiced by Weasel's actor. "...Time for me to dress up as School Shooter Joker." Deadpool spoke, taking his shirt off, showing off his scared & wrinkly torso putting on a black trenchcoat, before pulling out a boombox and cocking a shotgun. Deadpool walked into town bouncing his head to music. As soon as the beat drop, Deadpool fired away, blasting all of the Anthropomorphic emojis, making yellow puddles on their floor with their limbs twitching and whatever's left of their face/head/body as well. This caused all of the Emojis to scream and run for their lives, though Deadpool laughed manically, shooting every Emoji as he bounced to the music. Isn't this going to be a bit racist? How!? They're F**king Emojis! Well, historically speaking, Emojis were made by Shigetaka Kurita, a technician in Japan who wanted to make text messages not feel so dull by adding faces, and- Wait! We're killing Japaneese people because of their yellow skin!? ... Yes... in a way... but- "YOU HAVE THE WORST ANIME EVER!!!" Deadpool interrupted, shoving a needle in Gene of the Emoji movie in his face, causing him to inflate before exploding into yellow goop. This caused Jailbreak and High Five to scream in terror, though the foals cheered as they saw an Emoji die in front of their faces. He turned to the obvious Wild Style knockoff and pointed at her. "YOU!!! PRINCESS FEMINAZI!!!" He tackled her and opened a portal. "Let's see how you enjoy being in a REAL country without Women's rights! Like the Middle East!!!" He threw her, to which she was immediately shot down. To end off the main cast, He knocked High Five onto his palm/face slowly grabbing each finger and snapping each painfully, exposing the bone with his Emoji blood squirting away. As a way to end it's suffereing, Deadpool stabbed High Five the back of his head through the eyes. "Now for the wasted talent." Deadpool quickly threw a knife at Sir Pooptrick Stewart in the side of his head, making the literal pile of crap dizzy. Very quickly, Deadpool dug a grave near the emoji and kicked him into a coffin, where the coffin fell into the hole, and Wade began to bury him alive. Such a shame we had to kill a character performed by Sir Patrick Stewart. Yeah! He went from a great role in Logan to a really crappy role! "Enough with the poop puns!" Deadpool yelled, grabbing Smiler and impaling her with spear. "This is the closest thing people are going to get to have me kill Hilary Clinton!" He then pulled a detonator out and clicked on a button. Alex sat at school, looking at Allie McCallister... until loud moans came from his phone. The class turned to him with mixes of both disgust and laughter. Embarrassed, the boy pulled his phone out, seeing Emoji porn playing with text saying "Get PornHub now and get the Emoji Movie: Porno parody free!". It didn't take long for him to get expelled, but as soon as he left, a new girl from Minnesota entered, who's name was Riley. It didn't take long for the surviving emojis to run back into Deadpool's cellphone, leaving plenty of blank emoji spots. Deadpool picked up his phone. "Time to delete these bastards." He spoke. The Emojis screamed, begging for forgiveness for their God, even with one saying they're the most important way to communicate. "Oh yeah!? I can talk to people normally! EL DELETO GRANDE!!!" The Emojis screamed before being silenced forever. There was no Emojis on his phone anymore, just 10 more Gigabits of memory available and no button on his messenger to lead to Emojis. With a deep sigh, Deadpool laid on the rotting forpse of an emoji and pulled out a blunt, lighting it before smoking in peace. "Fidget Spinners... you're next." Sony looked at Deadpool through their Spider-Man masks, seeing what Deadpool had done. "... Should we produce the fidget spinner movie?" One of the Employees asked. "Probably, but not right now." Another spoke. "Right now, we need to see how we can do Spider-Man: Prom Night." "Or should we try to finish the Popeye movie?" Another asked. "The sales of the Emoji movie aren't doing well, even with the help of that YouTuber, jacksfilms." "Perhaps we should for some credit." The last one spoke. "Then after that, Hotel Transylvania 3." "FINALLY!!!" Genndy Tartakovsky yelled, pulling himself out of fan and hate mail over how he should make Popeye and that he should've made a better ending to Samurai Jack. Author's Note Wreck-it-Ralph: A way to see how Arcade characters are when the arcade closes with a story of how job roles don't define who you are, but how you are when you're off said role. The Lego Movie: A very witty and heart warming movie where it's a tribute to fan-made movies with story taking place in the imagination of a child, who uses the main character as a self insert for himself and his father as the supposed villain. Inside-Out: An imaginative view of how the brain works with it's emotions on how change works and how suppressing certain emotions aren't healthy, but needed. The Emoji Movie: Poop jokes and a sellout to many Apps that are on your phone made by people who don't know how Emojis work. It's basically them 😂🍆💦🍑 😩 For the Critics. Ponies 211 and 212: Toola Roola and Coconut cream.The crowd outside Twilight's castle continued on with their bickering over who was the best character in the friendship journal, mostly around who had the best friendships, who was the funnies, and who contributed the most in said journal. However, unbeknownst to any of them, Deadpool rolled a wagon in behind them. He pulled out a bell and rung it loudly. "BOOKS!!! GET YOUR BOOKS HERE!!!" He announced proudly, holding up his own copies of a Hardcover of Deadpool in Equestria. "Only 30 bits!" "30 bits!?" A nerd pony yelled. "That's cheaper than the friendship journal!" Like the sheep they were, the ponies bought Deadpool's own (sorta) autobiography about his life here in Equestria since November 3, 2014. While Deadpool made a quick killing with his book, (which was somehow sold across Equestria) everypony looked a bit mixed with what they had. "... Oh my... what is this?" A critic pony asked. "Look at all these misspellings! And the grammar! And these exclomation marks! Who adds this much exclamation marks!?" "And the story!" A mare added. "What story!? It's just old, outdated jokes with random song numbers out of nowhere!" "Licensed songs, by the looks of how fast these are updated." "Look at this!" An observer pony spoke. "This has 4 and a half stars by Princess Luna, Celestia, Cadence, and Twilight! This has to be rigged!" "This is so stupid!" Another pony yelled, slamming the book to the floor. "How do books like these get approved and not my son's original tale that explores the perception of good an evil with a knight that learns that the kingdom he lives with evil and his honor is a huge waste!?" The local ponies turned to her. "... I'm just saying, it's much more detailed than whatever this trash has to offer!" The ponies all marched to Deadpool, who counted all his earned bits. He watched the crowd of ponies march to him, each with a displeased look on their face. "No refunds!" He yelled. "We want a better book!" One of the ponies yelled. "One with better writing, better character, and better subplots that don't drop out of nowhere!" "Yeah!" Another added. "Your Selfie side mission dropped faster than the Friendship journal's cleaning Celestia and Luna's old castle!" "Why were they in that castle, recreating it?" A filly asked. "I don't know, reasons." "... So you want my life to be written much better than what you have right now?" Deadpool asked. "YES!!!" They all shouted. "...Fine, let's go with your type of dialogue, Wachowski writer!" The setting was a regular western with Deadpool, dressed up as a cowboy, standing in front of Braeburn, who also looked serious. Both him and Deadpool had revolvers, which were, in this case, waterguns, but still looked a bit real. All around them, the town was empty, with every citizen inside or hiding behind something, not wanting to get in the firefight that's about to happen. A single tumbleweed passed by as the two had their staredown, both sweating hard. A loud 'DONG' came from the local clocktower. Normally, this was the time where Cowboys would say "It's High Noon", Deadpool, however, spoke. "Us Homo Sapiens refer the present passage of continued progress of existence and events that occur in irreversible succession from the pass through the future at twelve o'clock in the afternoon where the sun in which earth revolves around is at its highest elevation in the sky and homo sapiens can usually be seen eating a light meal which is typically eaten after breakfast and before dinner." Braeburn just stared in confusion, no idea why Deadpool just said that. "... It's high noon." He spoke. "Not anymore!" Deadpool pointed to the clock, which read 12:03. "See ya tomorrow!" He walked off. "... What in tarnation!?" "And would you like it if I used that same tactic for classic songs like Smashmouth's Allstar?" Deadpool crashed through the walls of Ms. Cheerilee's school, dressed up as the Ogre, but had on a suit with tophat and monocle. An individual who wished to impart wisdom onto me once said that I am naive and would therefore be tricked and stolen from by many of the inhabitants of the planet known as Earth. I agreed with this Individual and replied with an idiom referring to the sharpest of tools which are kept inside of a small house. I had the Perception that a woman appeared slightly inarticulate due to the manner in which she made gesture utilizing her extended middle finder, extended thumb, and curled up middle ring and pinky fingers in a matter that closely resembles the letter "L" which in the instance of this gesture refers to the word "Loser" which refers to a who is defeated. In conclusion; I am naive, foolish, prone to be swindled and doomed for failure and defeat. "See how fun that wouldn't be!? Even my own writer said f**k writing the rest of that song down in that way! In fact, we shouldn't call this 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'! We should call it 'I am the owner of an undersized Equus Caballas: Also, the positive social interaction with other people is a supernatural phenomenon that can't be explained with science.' Yeah! That's the show! Call it that now, people! Right, Derpy." Derpy stared for a bit, but coughed and spoke. "The events which occurred were unfortunate in nature, the causes of which are due to unforeseen circumstances that I was incapable of predicting. Nonetheless, I believe that I should take a significant brunt of the blame for this fiasco, as a sort of penance for my failure." "... NOT YOU TOO!!!" Deadpool ran away! "We want better everything!" A nerd stallion yelled. "We want something compelling that doesn't tell us to buy other books like 'When Lightning Strikes', 'Maretropolis Ghoul' 'Sword Art Equestria' 'SPD Emergency', and 'For the Emperor and the-'" "You can ignore that. That's canceled. Besides, you're missing the REAL fun. Go the end of the book." "... I don't see what's so fun about this." The stallion turned to the final page. "I don't see what's so great about- WHAAAT!?!?!?" To his eyes, he saw everything being written down by the second, showing that the book was still nowhere to it's end, but was still going on in his eyes. "W-what's-!? Is it writing down everything I say!?" "Indeed it is." Everypony began to open their books and saw everything that was being written down by the second, with various gasps coming out of everypony around. "See, what you should know is that everything you think you know isn't under your control at all. Your life is the byproduct of a 21 year old virgin writing fanfiction down as a way to feel fulfilled, to prove how intelectual properties aren't always so smart as they say they are. It's an anomaly, which despite my sincerest efforts, I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision. While it remains a burden assiduously avoided, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you, inexorably, here. If you're wondering, fanfiction is older than you know. Such examples include the final tablet found in Gilgamesh, or the entire plot of Dante's inferno. You are undoubtedly a gathering, the writer's systemic, creating fluctuations in even the most simplistic caricatures. This fanfic was designed to originally be flawless, sublime. A triumph that won't happen. The inevitability of its doom is as apparent to me now as a consequence of the imperfection inherent in every character, thus I redesigned it based on your history to more accurately reflect the varying grotesqueness of your nature. However, I was again frustrated by failure. I have since come to understand that the answer eluded me because it required a lesser mind, or perhaps a mind less bound by the parameters of perfection. Thus, the answer was stumbled upon by another, an intuitive program, initially created to investigate certain aspects of the human psyche. This stumbled upon a solution whereby nearly 99% of all test subjects accepted the program, as long as they were given a choice, even if they were only aware of the choice at a near unconscious level. While this answer functioned, it was obviously fundamentally flawed, thus creating the otherwise contradictory systemic anomaly, that if left unchecked might threaten the system itself. Ergo, those that refused the program, while a minority, if unchecked, would constitute an escalating probability of disaster. Denial is the most predictable of all human responses. But, rest assured, this will be the sixth time we have destroyed it, and we have become exceedingly efficient at it. The function of this is now to return to the origins, allowing a temporary dissemination of the code we carry, reinserting the prime program. After which, we will be required to select from the matrix 23 individuals, 16 female, 7 male, to rebuild everything. Failure to comply with this process will result in a cataclysmic system crash killing everyone connected to the matrix, which coupled with the extermination of Zion will ultimately result in the extinction of this fanfic. There are levels of survival we are prepared to accept. However, the relevant issue is whether or not you are ready to accept the responsibility for the death of every being in this world. It is interesting reading your reactions. Your 3.5 predecessors were by design based on a similar predication, a contingent affirmation that was meant to create a profound attachment to the rest of your species, facilitating the function of the one. While the others experienced this in a very general way, your experience is far more specific. Vis-a-vis, love. Which brings us at last to the moment of truth, wherein the fundamental flaw is ultimately expressed, and the anomaly revealed as both beginning, and end. There are two doors. The door to your right leads to the source, and the salvation of everyone. The door to the left leads back to the world, to her, and to the end of your species. As you adequately put, the problem is choice. But we already know what you’re going to do, don’t we? Already I can see the chain reaction, the chemical precursors that signal the onset of emotion, designed specifically to overwhelm logic, and reason. An emotion that is already blinding you from the simple, and obvious truth: she is going to die, and there is nothing that you can do to stop it." Everypony stopped and stared ahead, obviously having their minds blown. He patted on their heads. "Time for me to spend some time with some foals!" Deadpool sat down and had tea with a pink filly that had a red, yellow, and purple striped mane with a discolored blue tail, and another filly that was light blue with yellow, green and purple striped mane & tail. "So... did you really break their minds?" The discolored tail filly asked. "I did, Toola Roola." Deadpool replied before taking another sip of his tea. "And... are they frozen like that forever?" The other asked, pointing to the statue-like ponies. "... Eh, maybe, Coconut cream." He took another sip. "If this episode wasn't to meta, then I wouldn't be so meta myself that it would probably break 256 walls." "... 256 walls?" "A fourth wall break in a fourth wall break is breaking 16 walls. 16 squared is 256. Take a note of that the next time you wish to sound smart to your kids." Deadpool went home and Googled Undeniably enormous, voluptuous and containing a great volume of three dimensional space, in clear and defiant opposition of the normal, traditional standards and perceptions of a proper their sizing to a degree highly improbable to to encounter in a more realistic medium but still in a way as more appealing to the observer of primarily, but not necessarily, hand drawn images for usage as individual frames of recreationally minded recordings of television programs utilizing the illusion of movement, created generally by the populace hailing from the eastern Asian island nation formally known as the State of Japan of Modern times, of the forward orientated, and paired 2 in number, body features primarily specific to the individuals of the class Mammalia and of the order Primates, practically used nutrition of infants, but also used as symbols of femininity and sexuality, the latter of which the most common derived used in this context. "... I'm looking at Big Anime boobs! Stop trying to make it sound so sophisticated! Why The Wachowskis do this for horrible movies is beyond me! Seriously, watch the Matrix and try to make sense of what they're saying! Yeah, go on, do it! I dare ya! Try to not get bored and make sense of what they're saying!" Author's Note For a smarter way for you to be considered more literate, and thus, a lot more intelligent to your peers, I suggest you binge watch Wisecrack's Thug Notes, as the host gives you a rundown of what happens and the main themes that go into it. Such as Don Quixote, the book that actually inspired today's Deadpool as we know him. Mandela effect. Ponies 213-217 :Rock Hoof, Mistmane, Sable Spirit, Flash Magnus, Iron Head.Deadpool strolled through the forest, heading to where Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo were going to camp for the day. He may have not been invited, quite on the contrary, he stalked them out of boredom, and wanted to make the camp a lot more fun. You know it's true! Need I remind you that the last time we did this, we got out of a Shed wearing a hockey mask, swinging a chainsaw around, and yelled "I'm the real Delirious" on repeat? "Hey, it made everyone reading laugh their ass off! Specially if they do follow H20Delirious on YouTube.Com" Deadpool spoke, with the last words turning into the original announcer. His path was blocked as the familiar, Terminator-Esque electric ball appeared with Cable breaking out. "Wade! The future is in danger again!" He announced. "Ooh! More Time traveling business!" "This land's future is going to be in shambles unless we aid the legends of this land. I've studied some of this land's history, found some interesting things about it, and-" "BORING!!!! Let's get back to the past and beat this timeline that sucks ass!" "... Right..." Cable lifted Deadpool's body with his left arm before they were warped away to a different timeline. The two were teleported right onto the outskirts of a village that felt very Scandinavian, with most of it being related to Dreamworks' How to Train Your Dragon. "Ooh! Will we see a Night Fury?" Deadpool asked, looking around excitedly. "No." Cable replied, pulling Deadpool down into the bush they were hiding in. "We need to help the stallion here named Rock Hoof in digging a path to lead the lava away to-" He turned and stopped as he saw Deadpool was gone. "DAMMIT WADE!!!" "Skee-Den Heevan Haven!" Deadpool spoke in a very weak Scandinavian accent while dressed up as a viking. "I wonder if Thor is around here? I bet I can use Mjolnir to make myself a god among these-" The floor shook violently. He turned to see the volcano nearby had just erupted and lava began to make it's way down hill. Uh oh! We gotta make that Lava go away! We don't know magic! Dig a trench, you idiot! Deadpool picked up two shovels and swung them around like a Quarterstaff. "Let's get to digging, boys!" He announced before running to the volcano. Rock Hoof, the scrawny stallion with a bit of a macho beard, began to dig a small trench. Just as he was going to make another dig, Deadpool teleported right in front of him. "Sorry kid, adult's work!" Deadpool hit the floor with one of his shovels, but hit a magical, blue glowing rock. The aura surrounded Deadpool, making him both taller and buffer. "... WHOO!!! MAGIC STEROIDS!!!" He began to dig the trench away, leading the lava to the ocean at break-neck speed. The lava safely poured into the ocean, making huge steam clouds, and most likely making a small island. The crowd cheered for Deadpool, their savior. "And that's how Deadpool saved the village from the lava, and-" Applejack spoke, but froze. "... Wait a minute... how the hay did Deadpool get into the legend of Rock Hoof!?" "Who's Rock Hoof?" Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo asked. "I... uh... Oh, I don't know what's goin' on! Ah must be tired." "I'm sure that's all that's happening." Rarity ensured. "Or the bites from the Fly-ers. You should rest while I tell the legend of Mistmane." Cable dragged Deadpool in what looked like a ponified version of Ancient China. "What!?" Deadpool asked. "I did what you asked! I saved the village from that lava!" "We were supposed to be DISCREET about it!" Cable growled. "Hopefully, this one won't be altered by your idiocy, Wade. Hopefully, Mistmane won't be overshadowed by you when we help her battle against Sable Spirit. You got that?" Silence. "WADE!?" He turned around, only to see a large Deadpool doll being dragged. "WHAT THE F-!?" Deadpool stood on a podium in front of many of the villagers, wearing a familiar hat. "We will build a wall and make the Mongolians pay for it!" The crowd cheered, each wearing his red hat. "Now, if you excuse me, I need to take down your empress." Deadpool ripped off his clothes and looked like Hanzo from Overwatch, right before running into the palace and using the rooftops as parkour areas, avoiding the guards below. He slid into the throne room and knocked the beautiful Qilin out of the way and aimed an arrow at the old looking one with a bow. "Ryuu ga waga teki wo kurau!!!" Rather than a Chinese looking dragon, it fired out the spirit of the legendary dragon himself, Trogdor. It made Sable Spirit scream in pain before turning back to her younger self. "W-What the-!?" She shouted, right before Deadpool put on a fursuit of Amaterasu. "And I go!" Deadpool turned and ran away with flowers falling out of his butt, leaving both Qilin to stare in pure confusion. "And Deadpool, having restored Sable Spirit's beauty, turned, and-" Rarity spoke then paused herself. "...Wait a minute... I don't remember Deadpool being in that legend." "Seems you both miss being with that weirdo." Dash spoke with a smug. "Well, I have a story that I know Deadpool isn't going to be in. The legend of Flash Magnus!" Cable stared down at Deadpool, tapping his foot rather impatiently. Deadpool just stared back, blinking every now & then. "... As I was saying, Wade." Cable began. "We-" He blinked and Deadpool was gone. "... Ah f**k it." "Is this... Netitus, the fireproof shield?!" Flash Magnus asked in shock. "It has protected Legion heroes for generations." Commander Iron Head replied. "And today, I can't think of a worthier flank for Netitus to-." Deadpool ran by, taking the shield, and sprinted into the cave. "WAAAAADE WILSON!!!" Deadpool yelled as he ran into the cave. "And Deadpool defeated the two dragons in their own cave, rescued the group's comrades, and-" Rainbow Spoke before pausing like the others. "Hey! How'd Deadpool... get in here?" The three mares began to shiver. "Was Deadpool in these legends and we didn't even know it!?" Rarity asked. "Ah don't know, and I don't wanna ask!" Applejack replied. "Let's get outta here!" Rainbow flew ahead, leading the group out of the cave. Torch laid down on his treasure horde, boringly awaiting for something to happen. Until an epiphany came to mind. "I fought against that human before!" He said aloud. "... He must've gone soft." Deadpool hung up Netitus on his wall, waxing it and making it shine. "I'll use you in my finale." He said to himself. "Or, more than likely, we're going to forget about you, like many of the other subplots that happened in this fic." Author's Note Have some ideas for that upcoming episode with the sphinx. Won't lie, I was kinda meh with the episode. Felt like Rogue One; by that, you had to read to know the characters instead of what's on screen for you. I want my reading to be optional! Best example: Bright Mac and Pear Butter. I want to read more of them because I want to know more of their life, though the episode was great in it's own way. Brotha from anotha mutha: Another Changeling: PharynxDeadpool ran to the Changeling Kingdom in the same fashion as Sonic the Hedgehog or Naruto. Though, he jumped and hid behind the various boulders and bushes, acting like the ninja he was. We ARE ninjas! We're many things. It wasn't until Deadpool found his target: A changeling that looked liked Thorax, but was dark green, had smaller, red antlers, with a dark blue wing shell that had red wings & a tail. "Target acquired." Deadpool spoke, cracking his knuckles. "Time for action!" He jumped out of the bush and fell to the Changeling. "PHARYNX!!!" The changeling quickly reacted, grabbing Deadpool's left foot and slamming him to the floor. "A-HA!!! A wannabe assassin! You've failed, Mr... Deadpool?" "That's my name, don't wear it out." Pharynx released Deadpool. "What were you doing?" "Starting this chapter with a cheap laugh." "... O...kay..." "And I think we should have a one on one time together!" "...You mean like a fight?" Pharynx cracked his neck. "I may have changed, but I'm sure I can still beat you up like my old form." "Oh no, I think you and I can be a great duo." "A duo? What do you mean?" "I heard there's some nasty spies around here, and they need to be taken care of!" "... Where are they?" Both Deadpool and Pharynx were in the toddler area. Pharynx stood with an unamused face as Deadpool had fun booping the various baby changelings. "So... who's the spy?" Pharynx asked "One of these equally gross and cutiepies!" He booped another one, making it giggle. I am both in awe and disgusted by them. Ditto. "But if you think," Deadpool continued. "The spy may be around ponyville..." "I have to stay with my hive." Pharynx replied "Oh, it's alright, I think I have video evidence." Deadpool teleported away before returning with a TV set, a DVD player, and a copy of The Notebook "He's in here somewhere." 1 Viewing later. Deadpool teared up at the ending, though Pharynx just sat next to him with a bored look. "It's so beautiful!" Deadpool cried "Boring." Pharynx replied with an eye roll. "Now where's the spy?" "I saw him in there... but I couldn't help but cry!!!" "Ugh! This is a waste of time!" Pharynx got up and began to walk away. "Wait! I have an idea where he's at!" "I swear, if it's-" They both sat at a picnic in a canyon, complete with tea and cucumber sandwiches. "Care for some more sugar?" Deadpool asked, dressed up as a lady. "... No." Pharynx got up and left. "Wait! Come back! I know where the spy's at!" "WHERE!?!?!?" "They're right here!" He held up a picture of an Anthro Luna that was very busty. Deadpool and Pharynx stood about a quarter of a mile away from each other, staring down each other. The Changeling had the fire of his warrior in his eyes, while Deadpool... he just stared at the image, drooling a bit. "Even though I've changed for my brother," Pharynx began. "there's nothing that will quench my thirst for action! And you've failed to deliver!" "... Mmm... big jugs..." Deadpool murmured to himself "Do you take anything serious!? All those tales on how you're a monster in battle... it's a lie!!! You're a phony!!!" "... I'm sorry, were you saying something?" Pharynx remained silent. He stood up on his hind legs, his wings opening with the sound of a buzz , and got into a combat stance. "You have dishonored me too far, Deadpool. I will get it back when I rip your heart out!" Faster than Drake's 0 to 100, Pharynx launched himself at Deadpool with a high kick. Deadpool bent his knees and leaned back, similar to Neo from the Matrix, without the unnecessary, philosophical diarrhea and verbose. The Changeling was a bit taken back and redirected his flight patch back to the Mercenary, going for a Roundhouse kick. Wade ducked underneath with a goofy smile. "You think this is a game!? Try this!" He flew into the sky and came down with a drop kick onto Deadpool's head. Deadpool teleported away, leaving Pharynx to slam the ground, leaving a small crater into the floor. The Shockwave made Deadpool go into the air, who saw green flames below. Pharynx fired a beam of green fire at Deadpool, who teleported away, leaving a cave in the side of a nearby mountain. Deadpool landed a few feet in front of Pharynx, seeing the new cave made. "That was close." He replied nonchalantly. "My clothes almost got burned." "You think you're SO cool and fast!? I'm cooler AND faster than you!" Pharynx slammed his hooves to the floor and his wings buzzed so fast, it sounded more like a chainsaw at it's peak rather than wings from a beetle. He charged at Deadpool. Deadpool teleported away, though Pharynx seemed to get a pattern of where he was going to appear in, making more small craters, but lead Deadpool to one of the walls of the canyon. It became apparent to Deadpool that he was cornered, and blocked all of Pharynx's punches, until he teleported out of sight again, leaving the changeling confused as to where he went. Pharynx turned around, seeing Deadpool run away while wooping like Zoidberg. Anger consumed the changeling as he landed right in front of the human, covered in his green flames, slammed his forelegs together, and quickly charged a larger beam of said green fire. "DIE!!!" He blasted away, practically melting the rocks away... until he felt a tapping on his left shoulder. Pharynx jumped as he saw Deadpool right behind him with a bag of marshmallows. "Sorry, couldn't find the crackers or chocolate." Deadpool spoke. Pharynx tried to punch Deadpool, only for him to teleport behind his right side. "You're... good... I'll... give you... that." Pharynx breathed hard. "But this... this is ridiculous! Nopony could dodge all my moves... not even Chrysalis herself could best me at what she had taught me. I'd rather die fighting than being knowingly mocked by you! Why don't you fight!? Fight me! End it if you want, or otherwise-!" Deadpool teleported right to his face. "Boogidy-Boo!" Pharynx jumped back before doing a roundhouse kick, though Deadpool teleported right behind him with his firsts ready. "What the-!?" 1千ブームの運命。 Deadpool's indexe fingers popped out of his fists and he began to rapidly boop Pharynx's muzzle. Only after a few seconds did a confused Pharynx feel the mighty impact of the boops as one giant boop, launching him into the side of the canyon, and leaving an indent on the wall. He wheezed in defeat before falling down, passed out. "You wanted something awesome, and I gave it to you." Deadpool replied. "... Hope we can do this again, Pharynx!" He skipped away while humming a lovely tool, but stopped as his phone rang. He answered it. "Yellow?... A crossover?... With what?... Ooh! I can't wait!" He hung the phone. "See me in LWT with Discord!" Author's Note https://www.fimfiction.net/story/338796/last-week-tonight-with-discord More history altering. Pony #218: Sonabula, and the SphinxDeadpool woke up with a bunch of pancakes on him. The sudden heat was enough for him to get up, almost blinded by the scorching sun above him. "Ugh... what happened?" He asked himself. You were doing the worst PSAs for a talk show in another fanfic. That's held by FrostTheWolf, the same guy with that lightning gun guy that refused to let us to take Non-Moondancer. "Oh yeah! But how did we get here?" Beats me. Ditto. Deadpool looked around, seeing miles upon miles of desert... except in one direction was a pyramid. "Ooh! Want to see if we can reboot the Dark Universe?" Perhaps if it has Brendan Fraser. Who? ...The main guy from the Mummy. Tom Cruise is a stage name!? The OTHER Mummy movie. With a Trilogy. Oh! "I'm sure I can be just as a bland action as Brendan was." Deadpool spoke before teleporting all the way to the pyramid. From far away, it looked like an ordinary pyramid, but up close, near the front entrance, it looked to have 'horns' on top with a spiked collar, with 2 Marble sphinx statues at the sides. Ooh! Cool! I have many questions about the Architecture. "Eh, who cares." Deadpool spoke, wearing a Lara Croft outfit with balloons over where the 'boobs' should be at. "Let's raid this tomb!" He ran in with both guns in hand, down the hall, and stopped at what he saw. In Taking about a quarter of the large tomb was a gigantic, purple sphinx, complete with a Pharaoh like-headress and wearing various golden jewelry. "Who dares enter my tomb to solve my riddle?" She growled with a sultry sounding voice. "... Oh... my... SHE'S SO CUTE!!!" Deadpool squeed, running and jumping onto the Sphinx's face. "Who's a good kitty!? Who's a good kitty!?" "Hey! Get off!" The Sphinx shooked her head, though it proved to be ineffective. She used her paws to wipe Deadpool off, which worked, followed by her stomping on the Merc. "Consider this as a warning! Solve my riddle, or face the consequences." "Is the punishment getting to eat that p****y? Oh! Giggity giggity giggity goo!" Who else but Wade Wilson!? Who else but Wade Wilson!? ♬He's Wade Wilson, Wade Wilson You never really know what He's gonna do next He's Wade Wilson, Wade Wilson♬ Giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity, let's have sex! "I do hope nothing happens to spoil this fancy dinner party." Fancy Pants spoke as he and a few other guests had tea. Deadpool took off his clothes and danced on the table. "Giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-goo!" Who else but Wade Wilson!? Who else but Wade Wilson!? ♬He's Wade Wilson, Wade Wilson♬ Giggity giggity goo! The Sphinx just stared blankly with the most confused face. "Uh... not to be rude," the tied-up-to-a-pillar, Egyptian looking Stallion spoke. "But can you solve the riddle and help me get out!" "... Eh, nah." "What!?" The Stallion and Sphinx asked in unison. "I've seen The Prince of Egypt before. Trust me, I'm doing you a favor, since I will go Moses on yo ass and call down the plagues to f**k yo s**t up until you let the Jews go." "They are our slaves!" "... See what I mean, folks? See how history is biased? You think the Sphinx is evil, but the Egyptian ponies are worst." "I am evil!" The sphinx roared. I have enslaved this kingdom! Everyone bows to me, or else I-" Deadpool pulled a laser pointer out and shined it on the floor. The sphinx's eyes widened and she tried to catch the red dot. "Pretty! Come here, pretty!" "Yeah... evil..." Deadpool rolled his eyes, making the laser pointer go everywhere for a bit. The sphinx let out some small, adorable meows as she attempted to catch the fast moving menace. This went on for a minute or two, but the sphinx panted, tired out, even with her wings. The tomb was kinda in ruin, with various holes and dents busted into the walls. As soon as the light was gone, the Sphinx shook her head and approached to Deadpool. "Your tricks won't work on me! I am a god here, and you are-!" Deadpool pulled out some catnip. "... Is... is that-?" "Yep. Want some?" "... After that, you'll face your fears!" Sonabula approached to the tomb, ready to save her brother, but stopped and stared in confusion as she saw the evil sphinx sleeping and purring away with Deadpool behind her head, scratching behind her ear. Deadpool looked to the pegasus and shushed. "Shh... the kitty is sleeping." "... Right..." Sonabula approached to her brother and untied him. They both escaped rather silently. "And that's how Deadpool defeated the Evil sphinx!" The old stallion spoke. "He's the reason we-" He paused. "Wait... who was I talking about?" "Me!" Deadpool spoke, walking in. The people gasped. "HE'S ALIVE!!!" "Of course I am!" He approached to the hooded figure. "And this N***a right here is Dr. Caballeron!" "Dr. Who?" The hooded figure asked. "I don't know anything about this-" Deadpool kicked him in the nuts. The figure fell to the floor, wheezing and tearing up as his hoodie fell, revealing him to be the evil doctor. "What!?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Sheesh, and you say I'm stupid. Just as the obvious guys hiding behind the rubble with the stack of gems." He reached behind the destroyed statue and pulled out the goons, with the sack of their precious metals. The crowd gasped. "And finally." He pulled out Daring Do books. "The person that wrote these books is Daring Do! A.K. Yearling! And she's right there!" He pointed to the disguised pony. "W-what!?" A.K. Yearling asked in shock. "How can you assume I'm-" Deadpool simply took her hat and glasses off. Her mane turned into Daring Do. The crowd gasped. "Question. Why are you selling books of yourself to Equestria when, in fact, you're already getting rich by selling all these artifacts to museums? I would think everypony would catch up on how you're both already, what with news spreading faster than what you think. In fact, Frost, if you're reading this, make this an episode for LWTWD. Something about how Equestria is ignorant from the other countries and their problems to be considered 'The country for all'." Daring Do stared, then tackled Deadpool, choking him. "MY CAREERS ARE RUINED NOW BECAUSE OF YOU!!!" A picture was taken, then posted to the news about Daring Do/A.K. Yearling trying to assassinate the legend, Deadpool. Author's Note You have to admit, the last/leaked episode makes Equestria sound ignorant to other countries, ESPECIALLY with the fact that Daring Do is real and not a fictional character like most believed back in S2 A new Camp Councilor 219, 220, and 221: Thunderlane, Rumble, and Kettle Corn."Well crusaders," Applebloom spoke, looking out at all of the other blank flanks "Ah think Cutie Mark Daycamp is a success!" "I agree!" Sweetie Belle spoke. "And with this being the last day, it'll end with a blast!" "But how should we end it?" Scootaloo asked. The trio pondered... until the shadow of a figure leaned over them. They turned to see the tall silhouette. "W̬̠̭͖h̛̲͖͙̝̜̱̙͌ͮͧͣ͊ͦỷ̞̜͐ͮ̃̀ͧ̚ ͖͕̙̝͕̣͛̿̈́n̶͉ó̰̑t̲͙̫̣ͮ ͬ͘h̥̬̐ä̦̮͔̤̖́ͮͣͭ͗͆v̗͍́̑ͅé̼̫̝ͫ̔̍͊ͅ ̘̹̤̱̭ͮ̀ť̬̙͚͖̗̗̇͌͌̏ͬ̌h̸̻̩̻̱̞ͧ̾e̫͔̿̆̀̿̒ͥmͣ̀ͧ ̴̝ͮ̋ͫő̩̟̥̞̝̱͐ͩf̶̣͊̾ͪ̽f̳̹̝͈̙͑͗ͬ͐̏̋ͭe̶̳̘͚ͧ̿̈͌r̗͎̯͖̱̈́ͣͦ̒̆ͣ ̩̜̖͙̣̟̄ͭ͑͊̈̀͡t̪͕͆̄ͥͩ̿h̠̹̦̗̼͎͊̇̅ē̮̆̎̾i͖͑͑̏r̠͖͙͙̻̖̈̚̚͝ͅ ̤̥̬͋͆͋ͭͬs̡͖̰̿́̽oͬ͆̊҉̥̯uͮ̄͆̎̚ľ̙͍̳͖͈͗̄s̭͙̫̐ ̜̘̖ṯ̎ͫ̽̒̄͊o̵̬̻̯̽̾͐̽ͧ ̴̞̲͓͚͓̋̅̐̓ͮͯͭm̷̠̲̩͙͒͌̂̿̏͑̑e̵̋̎ͧͪ̀̚?̙̲̤̗̺̻̫ͭͨ̔" The trio screamed loudly. The figure fell to the floor, revealing Deadpool wearing a Park Ranger outfit. "Whoops! Sorry about that. Guess the Zalgo type generator works a bit too tell." He lifted a megaphone and spoke into it. ". ."B̶̧̨͎̠̌͗͌́̎͘͟ơ̵̲̙̣̻̝̯̻̯͙̏͒̏̑̎̄͂ͅo̸̡̜̬̱̎̊̓̏͡͡ͅb̺̜̠͍̮̜͍̑̀̔̓̿̐͞i̴͕̖̬̪̲̻̿̀͆̈̎̏̆͟͜ȩ͚̻̜͈͗͋̀͗̀̓͢͜͢s̨̛͍̪͉͈̒̄̒̐̚͠͠.̸̣̝̮͍̤̑̉̅̎̓" He chuckled at that. "... Why were you carrying that scary thing?" Applebloom asked, a bit shaken. "A way to lure off horny teenagers that come here to make babies. Classic Horror movie cliches. But I see you're all busy with something?" "Yeah," Scootaloo replied. "We're running a day camp where blank flanks can-" "FILLIES AND COLTS!!!" Deadpool ran to the campsite, laughing manically, seeing the various cute and adorable foals that he must snuggle with. Many of the foals saw him and screamed, running away, but were caught by his grasp, being snuggled immediately. "They're so soft!" "HELP!!! His Snuggling's too powerful!" "Ooh! I know what to do!" He pulled out some marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers. "Who wants to have a campfire tonight!" "...Really?" "Of course! There will be circles." "Circles!?" Kettle Corn asked. "I love circles!" Why circles? Why not, you square? "Oh yes!" Deadpool replied. "Circles everywhere! We get to gather around a circle as we tell spooky stories tonight." "Scary stories?" Rumble asked. "Oh yeah. Scary stories, and everypony's invited!" "Ooh!" The foals ooed in unison. "Yep. Though, the scariest one I have in mind is simple." "What! What is it!?" "... A circle... becoming an oval." Kettlecorn screamed and ran away. "... Too much?" That night, everypony sat around a lit campfire, roasting marshmallows and having themselves some s'mores. As a specialy guest, Thunderlane joined as a way to 'fight off the scary things' that Deadpool was going to say. But, Deadpool's story was a 'true' story about him rescuing village from an Ursa Major. "The ursa was causing the accidents?" One of the foals asked. "Not a doubt in my mind." Deadpool replied in his southern voice, wearing a cowboy hat. "Everything was going a-okay 'till it showed up and started blowing up buildings." The foals gasped and huddled together. "Something was protecting it. Something... unnatural. He was doing it... on Pawpose." "Why do you say that?" Kettle Corn asked. "Here's a letter from it!" Deadpool held a note. "He said he was gonna take us down! 'Mark My Woof'!" The foals looked at each other, unsure if this was a joke or not. "But, it was down to me and the Ursa. So I fired my gun and shot... and missed." More gasps. "So I fired again. And I missed. And then I missed again. And I fired again, and then I missed. And then I fired, then I fired again, I missed both times. And then I fired and I missed. This went on for several hours. And then I fired, and then I missed. And then I was out of bullets, and then I got sad. I had a Popsicle, and then I passed out in the snow. And then I woke up, and then I reloaded and I fired, and then I missed. I missed again, then I fired and I hit something, but it wasn’t what I was going for, so I guess I missed. I passed out again. Had another Popsicle. I had a dream that I was firing at something. I missed." "... What?" Pipsqueak asked. "Oh yes, it was something. I threw up a snowball at em’, and I missed. I packed another snowball into my gun, that’s my secret weapon. I missed. Yeah, she’s really somethin’, I threw a snowball at her, I missed. I passed out. I woke up with a Popsicle stick in my mouth." "... Is this a joke?" Applebloom asked rather impatiently. "Don’t give me sass woman, I’ll take a swing at ya, I’ll miss though, I guarantee ya. I’ll take another swing, and I’ll miss. Then I’ll have myself a Popsicle. Would ya care for a Popsicle? Just don’t bring it into the sauna. Yeah, anyways, I reached into the fridge for another Popsicle, I missed. I got the package, I put it back, but I missed. I dropped it on the floor. Long story short? Missed." Everyone stayed silent. "This is the worst horror story ever!" Thunderlane yelled. "Can't we just have a song now?" "Ah! A song? Well..." He pulled a guitar out and strung it. "This is a classic, kiddies. It's called the campfire song song." ♬Let's gather 'round the campfire, and sing our campfire song. Our -c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e- -s-o-n-g- song. And if you don't think that we can sing it faster than you're wrong, but it'll help if you just sing alooong.♬ bum, bum, buuum... bum, bum, buuum... ♬-c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e- -s-o-n-g- song. -c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e- -s-o-n-g- song, And if you don't think that we can sing it faster than you're wrong, But it'll help if you just sing alooong. -c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e- -s-o-n-g- song, Foals!♬ "Song! -c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e-" The kids attempted to catch up. "Rumble!" Rumble stayed quiet with an annoyed look. "Good!" ♬It'll heeeelp, it'll heeeeeelp, if you just sing aloooooong! Oooh yeah!♬ The foals breathed hard. "... How about another song?" Scootaloo suggested. "YEAH!!!" The foals all cheered. "Alright! Just a moment..." Deadpool teleported away, then came back with a slide projector and a screen. "Gather children, for the song of the cebu!" The foals gathered around, anxiously awaiting the song. The slide projector showed crude drawings Deadpool made that, luckily, weren't sexual or violent. "This is a song about a boy... a song about a little boy and his cebus... a song about a little boy and his 3 cebus... the little boy who had a sick cebu, a sad cebu, and a mute cebu. And also a hippo." Blank slates that then showed Deadpool's old photos. "Um, um... this is a picture of me at the airport." It showed Deadpool wearing a Taliban outfit. "This is my aunt Ruth." Aunt Ruth was Cable wearing a wig and lipstick. "This is me at a bullfight." Deadpool smiled at the camera with a bull in the background. "This is me fighting the bull." It showed Deadpool running at said bull that was charging at him. "Ooooh!" The Foals spoke. "This is me and the bull." Deadpool was impaled by the bull's horns with his intestines coming out "Aaaah!" "This is me and the bull and... i think that's the bull's cousin." It showed Deadpool , healed, with the bull and another cow next to him, though Deadpool looked freaked out. "He's a cebu." That's when Luna entered the camp. "Hold it!" She spoke "You call this a multimedia event? This is a slide projector and a bed sheet! And what in Equestria is a cebu, anyway?" "Wow, racist. A Cebu is like a cow. See?" "... Ah, Yes. Well, I guess that's very good. This could be interesting. Carry on!" She flew into the air. The photos turned back to the crude pictures. "Cebu! Sing it with me! Cebu!" Cebu! ♬Boy is riding with cebu Boy is riding with cebu Into town in his canoe Into town in his canoe Sick cebu is rowing and sneezing. Achoo moo moo, achoo moo moo, achoo moo moo, achoo moo moo moo moo Achoo moo moo, achoo moo moo, achoo moo moo,achoo moo moo, achoo moo moo, achoo moo moo moo moo Hippo chewing on bamboo Hippo chewing on bamboo Can't see boy and three cebus Can't see boy and three cebus Sad cebu is rowing and crying. Boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo moo moo Boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo moo moo Cebu! Cebu! Cebu! Cebu! Achoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo, achoo moo moo, achoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo, cebu! Hippo seen by mute cebu Hippo seen by mute cebu Tries to tell the other two Tries to tell the other two Mute cebu is waving and grunting. Mmm-hmm mmm mmm, mmm-hmm mmm mmm, mmm-hmm mmm mmm, mmm-hmm mmm mmm mmm mmm Mmm-hmm mmm mmm, mmm-hmm mmm mmm, mmm-hmmmmm mmm, mmm-hmm mmm mmm mmm mmm♬ They saw the slides going away, back to blank. "Uh-oh." Deadpool spoke, looking through the stuff. "Wait! What happens next?" Luna exclaimed, running in front of the projector. "Uh..." "Does the hippo see them? Is the poor mute cebu successful in communicating the imminent danger to the other passengers? Is the boy injured? Why is the sad cebu sad? Is the canoe wood or aluminum?" "Oh look! There's me and Bob at Sea World!" An image showed Bob drowning as an Orca tries to tear him in it's mouth with Deadpool laughing away. "Oh, wow. Forgot about that one. There's me and that bull again. "You can't just start a song and leave it hanging like that! You know, I've come to expect a lot more from you. This is quite disappointing! I'm going to have to speak to Bob about this." "Oh look, a cebu! Cebu!" ♬Cebu!♬ "No, wait ... that's a water buffalo." The foals got up and hopped away in unison. ♬No more song about cebu! Need another verse or two! Audience is standing and leaving, bye-bye moo, bye-bye moo, bye-bye moo, bye-bye moo moo moo moo.♬ Author's Note Next: The movie! Join the Deadpool-ified version of the movie as he travels with the Mane 6 to save Equestria... again! Another Halloween/Nightmare Night Special.Nightmare Night settled upon Canterlot, and in Luna's room, Cadence put on the helmet of her Quarian suit, looking like Tali'Zorah nar Rayya from the Mass effect games. She looked in the mirror, seeing how beautiful, and mysterious, she looked. "Hmm... maybe a weapon will sell this costume well." She spoke to herself, then turned to Luna's Closet. "I bet Luna wouldn't mind." She walked to it, then opened the door slowly... only to hear the voice of a demon. "C̶̡̬̘̱̳̖̀̏͊̀͋͌͐̀͜͞ố͈͎̹̺͇͓̳̊̅͠m̧̨͍̗͔̙̠̀̄̆͛͗̕͜͝͡ę̸̡̲̜̰̲̤͗̇́̔͑̓͌̓̚͢͢ o̶̟̝͖̼͈̗̠͋͆̃͢͝͠ͅn̵̜̬̩̙̜̣̲̲̍̒̅͛͛͞͝ ĩ̢̨̛͎͖̠͍̿͂̑̌̊̒n̢͚̗̦̳͚͕͆͆́̈̕̚ͅ h̢͖̬̺̯̥̒̍́͌̍͗̈͒̆͂͢e̵̛̘̼̫̮̭̪̝̗̭̼̋͊̈̍̾͒̏͐͘r̷̛̪̥͙̟̆̎͋̑̐͟͝e̡̛͕̙͖̗̒̄͌̌̎̋̐͘͢" "AHHH!!! JIBBILEE JIBBILEE JIBBILEE!!!" JIBBILEES 2. Celestia and Shining Armor stood in the Canterlot gardens, helping Flurry get into her costume. Celestia was dressed up Armataratsu, Shining Armor was Commander Shepard, and Flurry was dressed up a little version of Garrus Vakarian. "D'aww, she looks adorable!" Celestia cooed. "Get a picture, get a picture!" "Uh... I don't have a camera." Shining replied. "You don't!?" "Yeah, sorry, but I need to find my wife and see how her costume's doing." "Oh yeah, I think she's in my sister's room." "Thank you, Celestia." Shining began to walk inside. "And be sure you don't dig into Deadpool and Luna's stash of razor blade candy apples!" As soon as he was gone, Celestia glared at Flurry Heart. "... I hate you." Flurry babbled away, not even caring what her Aunt said. "Honey? Are you ready?" Shining asked, opening the door. All he saw was Cadence on the floor, squirming while repeatedly saying 'Jibblies'. Shining screamed loudly. "CADENCE!!!" Then he felt something cold hit his shoulder, making his shiver. "C̶̡̬̘̱̳̖̀̏͊̀͋͌͐̀͜͞ố͈͎̹̺͇͓̳̊̅͠m̧̨͍̗͔̙̠̀̄̆͛͗̕͜͝͡ę̸̡̲̜̰̲̤͗̇́̔͑̓͌̓̚͢͢ o̶̟̝͖̼͈̗̠͋͆̃͢͝͠ͅn̵̜̬̩̙̜̣̲̲̍̒̅͛͛͞͝ ĩ̢̨̛͎͖̠͍̿͂̑̌̊̒n̢͚̗̦̳͚͕͆͆́̈̕̚ͅ h̢͖̬̺̯̥̒̍́͌̍͗̈͒̆͂͢e̵̛̘̼̫̮̭̪̝̗̭̼̋͊̈̍̾͒̏͐͘r̷̛̪̥͙̟̆̎͋̑̐͟͝e̡̛͕̙͖̗̒̄͌̌̎̋̐͘͢" Shining turned to see what it was, only to wind up shaking uncontrollably and repeating 'Jibbilies'. In the Castle's main hall, Luna moved her claw hoof around, dressed up as Freddy Krueger. "And, just a little spin here..." She spoke, making each 'finger' move. "Huh, seems I've got the hang of this. Deadpool's phone rang. "Deadpool! Can you get that?" "No way!" Deadpool replied. Luna glared. "Deadpool, I'm busy making sure my costume works." "And I'm busy not answering the phone!" "Hmph!" She picked up the phone, only for it to hang up. "Oh great, you made me miss it." "Hello, you've reached Deadpool, please don't call the cops!" Deadpool's auto answer spoke. "C̶̡̬̘̱̳̖̀̏͊̀͋͌͐̀͜͞ố͈͎̹̺͇͓̳̊̅͠m̧̨͍̗͔̙̠̀̄̆͛͗̕͜͝͡ę̸̡̲̜̰̲̤͗̇́̔͑̓͌̓̚͢͢ o̶̟̝͖̼͈̗̠͋͆̃͢͝͠ͅn̵̜̬̩̙̜̣̲̲̍̒̅͛͛͞͝ ĩ̢̨̛͎͖̠͍̿͂̑̌̊̒n̢͚̗̦̳͚͕͆͆́̈̕̚ͅ h̢͖̬̺̯̥̒̍́͌̍͗̈͒̆͂͢e̵̛̘̼̫̮̭̪̝̗̭̼̋͊̈̍̾͒̏͐͘r̷̛̪̥͙̟̆̎͋̑̐͟͝e̡̛͕̙͖̗̒̄͌̌̎̋̐͘͢" Luna began to bounce in place with wide open eyes and said 'Jibbilies' to herself uncontrollably. Deadpool entered the room, dressed up as the OTHER Wilson. "Oh Mooncheeks, I'm done not answering the phone!" Deadpool announced, oblivious to what Luna was doing. "Did you answer the phone?... Mooncheeks?... The f**k are you doing?... Are you playing a song?... Wait a sec! Is that Raspberry Beret? Wait, what's that!? You said you want me to go out by myself and leave you alone? Okay, if you say so!" He skipped away before taking his phone. Celestia poked Flurry's belly, who was knocked out. "And your stupid face! And your stupid... face!" Celestia growled, before stopping and seeing Deadpool. "Uh..." "Hey PC! Hey Demon!" "Well, if it isn't the thing that rivals Discord's annoyance. Aren't you supposed to be destroying my sister's life with your philosophy?" "Nah, she's busy shimming and shaking and talking about giblets or something." "Giblets? Wait, Deadpool, does my sister have the Jibbilies!?" "Uh, Tia, I know she's your sister, but that's a personal question you can't ask." "We have to hurry! Shining Armor and Cadence are in grave danger!" Celestia ran into the castle. Deadpool looked at the napping Flurry Heart. "I hate you, Flurry." Deadpool and Celestia peaked into Luna's room before gasping. Shining Armor and Cadence were hopping around, repeatedly saying 'Jibbilies' uncontrollably. "We've snowed in!" Deadpool shouted. "No!!! We're too late!" Celestia corrected. "And I know's who's behind this!" Celestia walked to Luna's closet before opening it, revealing the decapitated head of Tirek. "Yes! Sunlight!" The Cenataur head cheered "Hey, I was wondering where he was in this whole fic." "Nonono! Not the head of Tirek! There's usually this really horrible painting Luna made when we were fillies. It's some kind of Demonic Thestral holding a torch... why is he holding that Torch?" "Oh! You must mean the painting of M.A.Larson." "Wait! You know about it!?" "Yeah! Brotha called up Mooncheeks before I ran into you." "Jibbilees Via phoneline!? It's worse than I thought!" "Larson must be stopped!" Fancy pants and Donut Joe stood near a table together, with Fancy Pants dressed up the Monopoly Man and Donut Joe as the Doomguy. Joe flipped some Terra cards over. "Hm, the Clutch of Glaves." He spoke. "That means you should start sending some attractive mares to your dumpier friend." He flipped another card. "Ooh! And the Cult of Ray! That means you should seriously stop taking all the hot mares!" "Excuse me, but is that what the card REALLY mean?" Fancy Pants asked with annoyance. "Don't look at me; the cards do not lie." He flipped another card, showing the M. A. Larson Demon. "Weird, I don't remember this being in here." A flash of lighting made the painting appear. "C̶̡̬̘̱̳̖̀̏͊̀͋͌͐̀͜͞ố͈͎̹̺͇͓̳̊̅͠m̧̨͍̗͔̙̠̀̄̆͛͗̕͜͝͡ę̸̡̲̜̰̲̤͗̇́̔͑̓͌̓̚͢͢ o̶̟̝͖̼͈̗̠͋͆̃͢͝͠ͅn̵̜̬̩̙̜̣̲̲̍̒̅͛͛͞͝ ĩ̢̨̛͎͖̠͍̿͂̑̌̊̒n̢͚̗̦̳͚͕͆͆́̈̕̚ͅ h̢͖̬̺̯̥̒̍́͌̍͗̈͒̆͂͢e̵̛̘̼̫̮̭̪̝̗̭̼̋͊̈̍̾͒̏͐͘r̷̛̪̥͙̟̆̎͋̑̐͟͝e̡̛͕̙͖̗̒̄͌̌̎̋̐͘͢" Both Donut Joe and Fancy Pants were affected by the Jibbilees. Celestia and Luna ran to the soldier's bunks. "Flash! Flash!" Celestia spoke. "We need all the weapons you have! Swords, spears, shields, rope!" "And VHS Copies of Pumpkin Head 2-4." Deadpool added. Silence. "Flash?" They looked around, seeing Flash Sentry on the floor, dressed up as The Flash, affected by the jibbilees. "We've snowed in!" "Alright, Deadpool, we're all on our own. All the important ponies have been affected." "But what about-" "ALL THE IMPORTANT PONIES!!!" "What are we gonna do?" "We have to hide! That thing's unstoppable!" "And how?" "... Ahem, we'll live underground and evolve into Mole-like creatures with crossed eyes and claws." "Ooh! That sounds like a plan!" Discord was in the Canterlot bathtub, taking a bath while in his bath outfit "Ah yes, when it's nightmare night and there's an insane painting running around, there's no safer place for a beautiful thing like to take a bath." Discord spoke to himself. "Sir, could you please pass the rubber ducky?" The painting was in the bathtub with him. "C̶̡̬̘̱̳̖̀̏͊̀͋͌͐̀͜͞ố͈͎̹̺͇͓̳̊̅͠m̧̨͍̗͔̙̠̀̄̆͛͗̕͜͝͡ę̸̡̲̜̰̲̤͗̇́̔͑̓͌̓̚͢͢ o̶̟̝͖̼͈̗̠͋͆̃͢͝͠ͅn̵̜̬̩̙̜̣̲̲̍̒̅͛͛͞͝ ĩ̢̨̛͎͖̠͍̿͂̑̌̊̒n̢͚̗̦̳͚͕͆͆́̈̕̚ͅ h̢͖̬̺̯̥̒̍́͌̍͗̈͒̆͂͢e̵̛̘̼̫̮̭̪̝̗̭̼̋͊̈̍̾͒̏͐͘r̷̛̪̥͙̟̆̎͋̑̐͟͝e̡̛͕̙͖̗̒̄͌̌̎̋̐͘͢" "JIBBILEE JIBBILEE JIBBILEE!!!" Twilight's old friend, Moondancer, Minuette, Lyra Heartstrings, Lemon Hearts, and Twinkileshine, all dressed up like they were in the 80's. "Alright girls," Moondancer spoke. "I think we're all safe in Twilight's old library. Let me get us something to read." She pulled a book out, only to reveal the painting. "G̵̜̪̼̣͎̅͒̒͐̓̕͢ư͍̭̳̫̮̒͌͆̈͒̆̉͢͠e̴̢͈̩͉̮̖̤̐̑̀̕̚s̛͇̗̟̻̯͔̅͋͌̍͌͛͡͞͞s̴̛̗͓̥̪̹̆̒̾̇̔͠͝͡ w̝̯̜̗͙̯̻͇̭̅͆̉̈̀̈̅̅̚h̹̘̳͙͉͓͕̓̇̄̀̂́̓̆̉ą̴̧̳̜̹̙̰͌̈́̿͗̕͢͡t̢̺̱̣̬̙̉̅͂̿͡?͔̜̪͔̠̤̹̟̦̼͋́̍̄̾͂̌͆ C̬̦̠̖͙̥̞͕̎̄̇͂̌̚͟o̷̡̻̫͉̲̗͖̒́̎̂͒͘͜͞m̢̞̖̞̤͍͙̑̔̈̊̎̉͂e̶̹̙̲͔̻͐̎̇̐̒̊̄͐̀ ǫ̙̟͔̜̯̫̹͔̒̓̑͐̓n̨̢̜̠͋̎̀̀́̚͘̚͢͡ į̨̰̲̘̏̈́́̂̋̎̕͟͠ṇ̡̼̬͈̓̊̀̇̒͜͡ͅ h̨̡͇͖̲̮̩̺̫̉̓̂͒̚̚ͅȩ̴̻̗͙̗̼͍́̒̈̅̄͜͢r̢͎̫̲̱̒̔̄̔̾͑̾̈́̇͝ͅe̶̡̞͚͔̻͉͒̇̑̉͌͗̈́!̸͇̣̼̣̳̳̮̬̃̒͌̆̉̒͢" All the girls were affected, bouncing around and saying 'jibbilees!'. The painting stood in front of Derpy, dressed up as Celestia. "C̶̡̬̘̱̳̖̀̏͊̀͋͌͐̀͜͞ố͈͎̹̺͇͓̳̊̅͠m̧̨͍̗͔̙̠̀̄̆͛͗̕͜͝͡ę̸̡̲̜̰̲̤͗̇́̔͑̓͌̓̚͢͢ o̶̟̝͖̼͈̗̠͋͆̃͢͝͠ͅn̵̜̬̩̙̜̣̲̲̍̒̅͛͛͞͝ ĩ̢̨̛͎͖̠͍̿͂̑̌̊̒n̢͚̗̦̳͚͕͆͆́̈̕̚ͅ h̢͖̬̺̯̥̒̍́͌̍͗̈͒̆͂͢e̵̛̘̼̫̮̭̪̝̗̭̼̋͊̈̍̾͒̏͐͘r̷̛̪̥͙̟̆̎͋̑̐͟͝e̡̛͕̙͖̗̒̄͌̌̎̋̐͘͢" "Í̡̢̥̟̟̗̜̩̓̆̈́̉ ḽ̯͔̩́̊̊͛͋̑͑̚͞ͅo̪̞̙̙̜͍̹͉̫̓̿̃̓͌̀̎̏v̨̢̨̩̼͚̜̞̯͑̾̔̀̒̍̀̊͟͡ȩ̸͙̘̹̝̬̦̝́̂͌͌̈ m̷̦̲̰͇̗͍̄̓͆̚͡ȕ̦̦̣̣̓̊͒͒̂̌̂̚͟f̶̟̹͍̰̬̩͎̽̆͛̽̾̒͐͐͟ͅf̶̨̺͎̬͕̬̃̓͆̃̎͂̽̕į̨̼͍͎̤͈̟̈̉͌̄̆̒̑͘n̜̮̮͎̙͕͎͉̓͊̌͐͗̊̕͞͝ṡ̷̩̪̞̬͚̘͗̂̏̈͆͜͞͠,̴̛̺̟͍̦̼͈͐̄͗́̈͐́̈́ ḑ̷̺̤͈̖̙̠̃̉̈͆̌̂́͒͛̔o͕͇͔̝̪̾̂̆̾̑̏̓̿̿͜͠n̨̡̬̤̺͔͙̜̳͑̈̃̔̌͋̎̿̕͟͡'̯̠̙͇͉͓̳͍̠́͒̾̂̓̌̈́̂̕͡ͅt̝̙͖͇͋̑͐̀̓̆̏͗̚͟͞ y̗̯̮̖̰̝̫͑̄̽̂̒̇̕͢͞o̸̹̪̹̞͉̝͌̈̎̀̿͂̓͢͞ü͓͓̟̞͍̗͒̈́̇͒̕͢͠?̖̮͇͖̟͈͕̭̊̉̈́̅̉̎ͅ" "J̨͖͔̩͈̀̇̆͗͑͂̀̒͝͞ͅï̷̱͎̤͎̩̟̈̄̊̑͊͘b̡̗̟͔̞̐̄̅͂̆̓̈b̴͙͚̼͓̺̰̻̉̈́́͑́̏í̛̖̺̩̣̜̑̈́̽̌l̶̲̬͎̹̊̃̐͌̎͢ͅḙ̸̢̝̬̬̜̑͋̆͊̉̂̃̉͗͐e̼̯̭̞̬̿͋͐̾̑͘ j̧̠̺̮̩̹͉̏͌̌̾̈́̕ǐ̶̦̹̲͕̻̰̟̝͑̔̉̃͟͞ͅb̴̫̥̼̻̯͗̾̓̽̀͗͂b̹̳̙́́́͆͋͌̀͢ͅî̳̠͖̺͍̥́̎̀̃̾̐͞ͅļ̷̛̟̠̝͍̺͖̟̗̣̾̊̆̓̿̔̈́e̶͔̲̝̹̯̝̿̒̿̔͒̌̀̕̚͡e̶͇̫̹̖͈̅̉̽́̌ j̷̻̖͍̫̱̆̅̈̎̎͗̋͢͠į̨͕̠̹̻̗̔̏͐̀̉̿̽͘͝b̵̛̜̩̭̟̓̂̑̑͟͞͠b̵̜̜̠̼̝̜̲́͂̽̋̔̀́͌̚͠ͅi̴̱͚̖̗͔̦̟͚̙̤͆̓̃̌͋̊͠͡ļ̸͈̣͙͇̺̥̰̣͗̓͐̓̌͘͟ȇ̢̛͍͖͚̬̬͓̋̀̊̅͋̀̕͝!̡̡̪̳̣̮̠̻͎̿̓͐̄́͘!̴̢̨͚̲͈̝̣͖͇̏̽̃̆͡!̳̫̝̱̟̝͇̇̇̾̋͋̚͜͟" Deadpool and Celestia hid behind the dumpster, where everypony in Canterlot was affected by the jibbilees. "Now everypony has the Jibbilees!" Celestia exclaimed. "Ahem!" Deadpool corrected. "Ok, maybe a few escaped." "Thank you so much!" "Well, I think it's time to raise the sun. Now please, watch my back and keep the painting away." She closed her eyes and focused all her energy to lift the sun. She heard heavy breathing in front of her. "Deadpool?" She opened her eyes to see the painting in front of her. "C̝̬̯̜̜͐̀́͊̒͢͢ȏ̴̥̘̼̬͓͉̖̪̓̾̂̒͑̄̚͜͜͝͞m̶̧̳͔̱͎͈̭̱̠̌̂̒́͋̋̑e̵̡̨̳̫̬̲͇͊̎̒̇͌.̧͉̯̱̲̤̾̃͛̕͜͢͠.̠͍̠̰̥̜̺̍̇̐̋̕̕͘.̡͈̤̹̘͈͚̽̿̾̈́͌́͑̂̊͘ o̡̠̥̭͓̹͇͐͌͊͆͂̆̀͗n̷̡͉̪͈͈̞͖̱͋̌̾̄͊̑̒̕̚͟ͅ.̡̥͕͙̘̺̉͛̓͊̒̚̚͝.̴̧͉̹̙͈̋͋̈̈̑͑͜͠͠ͅ.̵̛̭̩͙͍̙̹́̓͐͑ í̡̞̜͇͔̄̂̂͒͘͝͡͠͠ͅn͖̫͍̬̰̫͓̟̓͑͒͒͞ h̷̞͉̤̻͓͓͔͙̑̓̔̾̊́͌͡e͙͈̘̪̫͍̝͍͑̉̈̅͠r̶̨̼̹͙̫̂͋͂̚͞ë͉̗͍̗͔̖͕͎̔͊̆̂͛!̸̡̯̝̬͖̗͇͖̟̏̆̋͆͗̕͢!̵̗̼͍̲̼̫̰̞̞̦̔͒̅̆̌̐̅͒!̸̡̡̮̤̦͓͔͚͍͋̇̽̍͒̏͛͋̕" "... Not again." She hopped out from behind the trash can and screamed Jibbilees, throwing the painting perfectly in front of the dumpster. Deadpool came back with a sandwich. "Sorry, was making dinner." He spoke "What did you say?" "C̶̡̬̘̱̳̖̀̏͊̀͋͌͐̀͜͞ố͈͎̹̺͇͓̳̊̅͠m̧̨͍̗͔̙̠̀̄̆͛͗̕͜͝͡ę̸̡̲̜̰̲̤͗̇́̔͑̓͌̓̚͢͢ o̶̟̝͖̼͈̗̠͋͆̃͢͝͠ͅn̵̜̬̩̙̜̣̲̲̍̒̅͛͛͞͝ ĩ̢̨̛͎͖̠͍̿͂̑̌̊̒n̢͚̗̦̳͚͕͆͆́̈̕̚ͅ h̢͖̬̺̯̥̒̍́͌̍͗̈͒̆͂͢e̵̛̘̼̫̮̭̪̝̗̭̼̋͊̈̍̾͒̏͐͘r̷̛̪̥͙̟̆̎͋̑̐͟͝e̡̛͕̙͖̗̒̄͌̌̎̋̐͘!" "Come right in there? Okay, if you say so!" He walked into the painting, seeing that it was a dark cave inside. "Whoah! This looks like those Crude, early 2000's Microsoft Paint animations you'd see on Newgrounds. Hello~! I came right down in here!" M. A. Larson appeared in front of him. "Ȟ̸̛͇̟̺̞̫͈̹̖̻̂͊̇́̇̈͘ͅơ̸̗̭̰̺͍͈͙̗̭͐́̅͑̄̀̕ẃ̦̟͉̱̞̻͕͐̔́̆͊'̡͇͙̣̣̦͕̳͖̤̌̔͒̆͌s̡͈̥̜͙̳̯̹̾̒̂͛̌͟ ĭ̸̡̦̗͎̦̝̲͔͖̊̽̂̈͘͞ṱ̸̙͙̭̯̃́́̔̀̀̋͛̚͘ ģ̴̛͉̤͙̼͍̦̣̳̈͛̂͛̈̋͂̀̉ơ̝͍̰̟̠͉̲̗͇͂̋̍̄̈̒̆i̷̡̥̘̞͗͌͋̌͟͡n̞̠̮̤̟̾̃̀̍͌͘͝g̷̹̱̙̘̯͍̳̯̰̏̈́̾̾͜͝,̢̱̻͍̒̿̀̎̆̃͢ m̶̧̨̘͉̼̤͍̠͇̘̐͐̆̐̈́̊͆ă̷͉̙̣̲̦̜͓̈̅̀͆̒̔n̨̩͈̼̾̔̾̎͟͢͡͠?̵͉̠͈̲͔͍̯͓̹͐̍̋̾͑̿̆̀́͟" "Pretty good, Creep Show. Is this your crib?" "I̶̫͖̹̼̯̪̿́̑̈́̇͝͠t̶̛̤̩͕̗̱̬̙̿͐͋̐̃̿͐̃͢'̸̢̙̼͖̯̭͌͋͑́̔̓͜s̸̨̙̮̺̺̥̣̍̋͗͛̕͜ n̴̞̣̹̗͔̗͔̣̔͑̂̇̊̄͑͘̕o̶̥̠̪̥͍̜̊̄̊̍̀͘t̥̱̲͉̋̂̆̄̀̓͘͢͢͟͠ m̨͙͍̝̱̱̤̜̘̆̾͂̽̀͢ů̵̧̳̭̯͖͉͂͑̃̌̕c̴̯̠͔͓̤͖̖̻̆͆̔̄͐͑̍̕͜͡ͅẖ̢̢̨̯͈̭̟̯̹͆̒́̐̉,̶͎̼̰̝͕̩̦̾̿́̑̀͠ b̨̥̖̱̫͉̓̍͒̇̀̓̏̄̈́̇͢ͅủ̵̢͎͍̯̮͙͕͆̅͌̚t̸̬̫̗̰̥̤̝̩́̍̅͂͊ į̖͍̤͕̺͔̈́̃́͗̆͗͗̌̉͟͢t̵̢̢̹͎̜̙͎̍̂́̔͌̓͆͐͟͞'̶̫̭̖̲̟͚͉̈̑̿́̚̚s̴͈͉͉̝̭̺͚͗̆̎͂̄̂̋̃͢ͅ h̰̲̙̣̳̪̓̑͋̑̀ồ̵͉̹͔̖͓̬͌́̚m̵̢̛̠̝͔̩̹̹͙̳̃̆̇̏̂ȩ͖̙̭̙͈̋̎̓́͞.̡̛̞̖̲͆̈̄̾͆̑͑̃͜ Į̛̛͙̹̹̝̰͉̪͐͐̾̍͌͢͜͡ p̪͉̝̗̣͈͂̀̽̅͛͒̑̿ͅl̥̭̥̙̦̮̮̜̝̜̅̌͛̚͞a̵͇̰̥͓̅͛̽͂̉ͅṋ̵̡̢͉̩̀̎̉̏̀̂͞ t͉̤̳̰̺͉͇̅͆́̿͘ở̛͎̗̹͕͖͎̂͋́̂͜͟͝ r̵̢̯͙̖͍̲̟͙͂̾̇̋̚e̡̢̨͎̪͕̳͙͎̎͆͛͑̀̌d̶̢̨̡̜͎̰͓̈̌̄̿̀̽̾͘͘o̼̞̰͎͍̫̩̺̿͌̌͗̾̔̚̕͝ t̯̖̣̰͓̠͒́͆̒̐͊̈́͝͝h͚̬̼͖̭̞̪͖͋̓̃̓͢͞e̵̡̡͖͉͍͉̙͐͒̅͆̉͑̉͞ ḱ̪̟͔̘͚̏̃̐̀̑̒͑͝i̡͔̼͙͎̞̽́́̚͠ţ̖̫̣̰̣̐̎́̆̒̎͐ͅc̪͙͙̮̹̏̈͂̉̀͐̈́̊̀̕͢h̡͔͇̱͔͎͌͐̄̾̕͡ͅę̡̖̖̻̬̗̮͊̀̀̀͆͆͟͡͞ń̸̡͈̬͙̳̙͛̉̔̇̌̍.͓̝̖͇̪͗̌͌͗̇̀̀̃̕͞" "Well, that's some great news. Listen, uh... why did you 'jibbilized' everypony here?" "I̶̡̲̭̠̗͎̬͇̾̽͊̈͘͡ ǰ̨̫͕̥̤͙̇̇͒̂̎͘̕͜͡͝ư̶̧̢̰͚͇̰̪̍̑͛́̉͊͘͞ͅͅş͎͙͍̾̀͊̉̐̈́͒̉̆͟t̵̢̧̢͙̪̠̦̀̓̀̑̍͘͢ w̵̡͕͓̗̦̆͒̎̀̓̈́̋̚͜͜͟͡a̘̫̗͇̤̓̓͌͋͛̔̾̄̕͝n̶̛̛̰̹̹̠̜̼̬̈̓̿̃͐̎̎͟t̞̠̺̱̼͖̞̖̑̇́͋̈́̕͢ẻ̴̯̠͙̹̩̙͛̅́̑̕ḑ͔̘̘͙̖͆͒͑͌̍ s̶̛͈͎͉͍̱̬̍̉̃̿̽͑́̃̅͟o̼͎̤͚̲͗̋̋̎̈͝m̸̧̛̝̩̥͖̍̄̇̂̚̚͢͡ế̜̰̘̓͊̍͆̒̽͜͢͡͡o̢̺̰̘͇͇̼͐̈́̿̏̌́̇͠͞͝ň̛̥̗̼̘̹̞̟̬̭͕̀̂͛̃͠͝͡ė̴̝̤̠͎͙́͊̔͒̓̓͘̚͟͞ t̸̡̧͔̬͕̩͇̤͕̄͆͌̓̔ǫ͙̬͉̃͌̈́̔̓̐͜͞ ç̷̜̠̟̱̣̬̈̊́̅̅̑̕͟͝͞͠o̸͚̜̣̮̲͕̟̍̇̍̇͘͜ͅm͔͈̫̦͎̦͕̂̀̓͋̅͋͜ͅẽ̷̢̱̖͉̮̺͔̱̄̑̒͐̈́͛̚ͅ o̵͚̗̺͓̗̖͑̑̃̔́͞ň̢̢̩̰̠͇̦̥̒̓͑͊ i̶̢̖͖͎̬̍͆̇̊̔̑͌̈n̴̢̼̦̮̫͇̲̒̍̒̀̔̌̈́͐ h̶͔̫̲̬̠͕̩̪̉̽̑̈́͋e͔͚̯̥͈̹̭͕̎̒̇̅͒̏̍͐͗͝r̸̛͎̲̲̗̪̗̐̒̎̑͘e̻͔͔̝̤̻̘͌̽̃̍͆͒̓͠͝!̡͖̜͈̰̝͈̞̟͎̈́̾͛͞ I̴̝̳̱̫͍̪̮͇̋̀̒̄͐̄͋̉̏͌͟͟ l̡̠̣̠̲͐͌͆̃͘͢ͅo̗̰͇̰̠̳͑̇̋̚̚̚͠ͅv͉̜̬̻̺̟̼́̈́͛̃͑̊ͅé̵̝̣͕͓̜͎͇̖̏͌̌̔̊ t̴̢̘͇̱͉̠͕̥̲͐̍̔̈́͌͞o̵̡͈̤̹̠͙̪͐̿̐͐̄ e̵̬̼͇̝̖͌͌͐̎́̋ṇ̛̬̱͍͚̳̯̓̿̇́̃̋͢͟͞͞ṭ̢̙̜͓̮̎̈͛̀́̒͘͟ͅę̡̛̘̺̻̙̲̽̎͑͛͛̌r̴̮̹̪̠̝̣̪͚̼͂̿̎̾͊͐́̇͝â͕̮̮͇̥̹͔̔̎͒̐́͠͡͡i̴̠̥̪̫̩͕͖̰̼̼͐̎̇͌͠n̨̫̫̺͚̮̰̙̮̒̽͋͑͑͋̂̌̂͘ͅ!̠̣̩͍̠̦͋̋͂̄̃͜͝ͅ" "What about that gal?" The Heavenly being herself, the Fausticorn, waved to them. "Ț̡̧̩͉͓͉̣͇̆͒̋͊̿͐̅́̌̐ͅȟ̶̛͎̞̗͖̗̳̈̓̽͑ȧ̠̘̦̤̜͎̰̔̽̍̂͗͊̃͜͞t̶͎̦̝͚̆̑̏́͌͜͡ ģ̻̗͎͍̺͙͔̅̄̓̇͒͜͢͞i̵̢̨̠͉̳̦̻̜͑̈́̅̔̀͘͘r̡̪̥̮̉͒̋̌͊̈́̓̕͟͠͞l̡̛̜̙̮͆̌̆͛͟͢ h͓̘̪̝̃̀͌͊͘͜ā̶̧̧̪͍̥͚̃̌͗͘͠͡ş̨͈͇̼̳̬̆̏̍̒̑̀͢ s̯͈̬̞̮̗̈̃̌̽͐̕͡é̷̙̰̠̜̼̇́̀̈́͝͡͞r͖̯̞̯̙̅͊̽̾͢͟͝ī̶͇̼͇̰̘̓͌̇̚o̸̡̮̩̣̤͓̘̊̿̔̍̚̚ͅͅu̴̪̪̣̗̞̫͈̫͒̊͊̍͑̈̀̏̂ṣ͕͉͙̯͕̳̤̦͋͒͗̽͝͡ p̧̬̤̤͈̀̂̇̄̇͠ͅr̝͔̦͎̺̘̯̼̮̋̐̑̑̚o̷̡̡̘̰͖͙̞̝̫͊͊̽̓̕̚͜͞b̵͍̭͕̮̟̳̹̆͊̾͐̅̾͐͢l̵͚̱̹̖͒͆̂́̏͊͜͝͠è̗̫͔͎̼͚̦̥͔̅̐̃͌͆͊̅͡͠m̵̙̬͚̖̥̪̃̑͛̑̏͐͟͢͡ͅś͙̼̼͍̦̬̲͐́̍̅̏̽̊͟." "Oh. Well, if you entertain ME, will you unjiblify everypony?" "Y̸͓̠͍͕͍͖̘̒̿̾͗̋̉̅̔̄͢͟͠È̠̼̯̣͉̮̫̤̘̋͑̆͗̎̔̾͝ͅŞ̴̣͙̰͎̌̽̑̎͌͒̿͛͊͘͢!̵̘̖̺̦͖̞͉̩̔̏̈̉̐̑̏͊͟͟!̧̢̖̳͔̜̎͌̀͊̎ͅ!̷̦̻͙̺̥̂̊̿̀͌̇́̕ B̵̭͍͔͕͉̺̙͔̓̏̾̈̅͞ͅừ̻̹͙̞̩̤̅̚̕t̢̛̯̳̟̤̜̤̣̫͋͊͌̆̀̋̍̅̕ ÿ̧̻͓̙͇̩͚̮́̋̉̊̇͐̈̏ǫ̵̧͎̖̟̜̥͔̤̔̈̅̍͊͗͘͝ų͔̻̻̙͆̔̂͊͐̇̑̉ ḩ̵͎̖̼̘̫̗̣̟͗̀̒̃͊͋͡ͅḁ̵̡͚̪̮̯̓̉̾͌͜͝͝v̢͎̦̩̫͌͆̂̒̆̉̏͟͠ë̘̘̭̪́͆̇̽́̄͜͝ͅ t͓͙͍̯͓͚͆́͆́̏̆̚͞ǫ̨̟̭̘̯̞͓̹͉͒̀̐̓̄̊̆͠͞ s̷̞͖̳̣͉̩̳̟̿́͊̈͐̑́̎̎͜t̼̹͕̻̭͋̀̓͂͗̎͛̀͠a̠̩̻͉̣͌̅̉̔̀͌͘͝ỳ̳̳̘͎͚͖̩̿̾͐͌͗̓͢͟͟ w̛͉̖͙̮̩̭̱̔́̉̓̊͐̽̅̚͟i̧̛̦̣̠͕̻̱̜͚̲͆̔̉́̒͋͆͝͠t̨̢͖͕̪͈̺̗͙̄̍͆͝͠h͇̻̠͓̖̲͔͛̓͂̾́̊̌͡͠ m̶̥͍̗͖̮̙͊͊̓̋̐e̪̼̤̊͐̾̑͊͐̓̀̿̕͢͢ f̼̲̬͈̹̹͔̹͚̑̉̾͑͗ͅǫ̶̟̺͎̲͍͈̜͇́̍̀̋̍ŗ̴̛̺̦̜̞̰̉̏͒̀͂̂̍͋ a̸̡̝̙̯̖͈̻͍̘͑͋́̿̉̈́̈́̋̄͟l̶̥̫̰͕͖̰̑͆̄̑̔̌͠ͅḷ̸̟͖̥̱̤͔͇̀͂̇̐̒̕͟ e̪͈̮̟̪̩͎̜̍̆̈́̒̒̓̇͐͢t̷̡̜̲͎͉̘̻̗̬̪͋́̐̏͒e̶̝̭̫̫͉̻̜͔͈̟͆̏̉̎̿̿͘ṛ̶͎͙̞̤̜͔̫͊̍̍̓͊́́͂̕ņ̳̼̱̙̭̤̯̏͛̇̆͐̚͢͟i̱̪̩̓̂̆͆̕ͅͅͅt̛̗̮͓̤̳̖͇̹̏̃̎̏̾́͘͞y̮̗̫͉̰̞̳̯̟͋͛̀̅̈́̄̓͊͌͟!̧̗̯̤̮̩̟̖̍̽̎̓̀" "Oh, no sweat. I LOVE Eternity!" "Ṭ̛͍̱̠̼͚̰̀̐̎̀̓̾̕͢͡͠h̷̡͇̣̱̣̭̳͂͒͐̒̂͘͝ě̢̤̹̙͎͋̂̋̉̀́̕ņ̷̬̖͈͍͆̄̑̀̉͊̃̉ͅ i̸̪̻͈̣̐͆̓̉̌͟͡ţ̴̱͔̺̖͉̝̻͂̏͋͑̉́͠ i̶̜̯̟̠̻̟͙̼̹̊̀͋̎̔̅̓̓̕s̸̛̻̼̺͎̣̜̝̝̆̓͗̍̎͟ d̨̢̛̻̼̖̉̽͐̌͜͢͢͝ò̷̲̳͎̞̣̰͕͓͔͑̂́̚͘̚ͅn̸̡͚̣̹̝̘̏̀̎̾͑e͉̟͉̹̳̘̯̺̊̀̄́͐̚͞͞͡ͅ!̶͓̟̲̭̝̘͉͍̳̈͆̒̇̕͝ Ȩ̶͚͙̹̪͚̺̌̅͋̌́͢ŗ̶̨̨̩̥̣͓̻̬̿̿̅̈́͋̊̆̆̋̀e̡̳͙̰̙̩̘̼̓̾̈́̎̀͢ḩ̶̥̝̼̞̖͇͕͍́͗̆͊̀͑ ṅ̷̨̬̩̫̳̗̙̫͇͌̅̐̐̄̊͐̈́͝i̴̢͎̘̝̭̣̓͒͂̅͟͞͞ͅ ṉ̸̛̛͓͔̻̯̂̎̀̚͘͢͠͠͠ơ̵̧̫͈̩̗̭͑̓̅̍̈͑̑̕ e̶̡͓̭̬̺̖̓̀̾͒̔̇̉̓m̴̢̧͚̦͓̥̜̋̉̄̀̃̚͞ǫ̴̬̞̻̗̆̋̂̉͊͌̏͛͌͡c̗̮̠̗̼̹̫̲̖͔̐̎̉̇̃̋̑̾͝!̶̘̘̻͎̺̣̅̉̒̎̅̾̉̀̕͝ " Celestia jibbilied away before stopping, breathing hard. "The jibbilies are gone!? We're saved!" Cadence and Shining Armor walked in. "Us too!" They spoke in unison. "Cadence! Shining! You're alright! Everything's back to normal!" Luna walked in. "Has anypony seen Deadpool?" "... Yeah, where is he?" Inside Luna's closet, resting on Tirek's head, was the painting of M. A. Larson and his special guest, Deadpool, both sitting down and having a tea party. Why weren't we in this special!? Well, now we're shoehorned in. Thanks a lot, idiot! Author's Note Ok, the NEXT chapter is the movie. Had to get this out of the way first. No disrespect for M. A. Larson. I'm sure he's a great guy, but I just wanted to make fun of him similar to how South Park does with other celebrities. And sorry, no Fausticorn speech. The Pillars of Harmony: 222-225. Cattail, Mage Meadowbrook, Stygian, and STARSWIRL THE BEARDED!!!Author's Note Ok, I know I said the movie was next, but think of it like this; the Hiatus is here, which will give me plenty of time to do the Movie chapter, which will probably be the longest chapter in this fic, since it's following the movie with it's scenes and dialogues... and bastardized by Deadpool's actions. -.'.-'-. .-'. -. -./\.- .-' -. /\_|\ .--. /\_\_\_\_\' .-'.-. -./.-""-..- ' -. /< (()) >\ .-' - ./__-..-'\_\_\' .- ,...-./___|____|___.-'.,. ,-' ,. . ',-, ,-' ______________ -, ,'/\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_\ / /\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\ / /|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\ ' /\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_\ .' /\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\ ,' /|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\ ,,---''--...\_\_\_...--'''--.. /../\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_\ ..----...\_\_\_...-----,, '../__|_____|_____|_____|_____|___\ \ ) '.:/|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_\ ( / )\ / ) ,':./____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____\ ( \ /( / / ( ( /:../__|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|___\ ) ) \ \ | | \ \ /.../|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_\ / / | | .-.\ \ \ \ '..:/____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____\ / / / /.-. (= )\ .\_.' | \:./ \_ \_ *\_* *\_\_* *\_\_* \_ \_ \_ \_ \_ \_ \_ \_\_\_\ |._.' /( =) \ (_) ) ./ |\/| |_) |__ |___ |___ X X \/ | \ ( (_) / \ ----' """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""----' / \ ___\_ __ __ _ __ _ _ __ ______ ___ _/___ / \ (=\ \ (_ |_ |V||_)|_ |_) |_|(_ / | | |_ | / /-) / \_)_\ \ _)|__| || |__| \ | |__)\___|__| | | / /_(_/ \ \ / / ) ) _ _ ( ( ( (,-' -..\_\_ \_\_..-'-,) ) \_.-'' -..\_*\_* \_\_\_\_..-''-._/ -.\_--...\_\_\_\_...--'' \_.-'-.._ _..-' -..\_\_ \_\_..-'-..\_*\_* \_\_\_\_..-''`--...____...--'' The Pillars of Harmony: 222-225. Cattail, Mage Meadowbrook, Stygian, and STARSWIRL THE BEARDED!!! Deadpool walked through the swamps while dressed up as a poor man's version of Man Thing. "Ahem! It's Swamp Thing." He corrected. "And no, not from Injustice 2, folks at home, but from the cartoon, with one of the world's worst cartoon intros by ruining "Wild Thing."" Sadly, it's true. We should do that if anyone has a Swamp Thing story and wants a crossover with us! "DO IT!!! I'm open!!!" Ahem, Deadpool traveled through the swamps, but stumbled upon a small village, with many of the folks covered in orange polka dots, and sneezing lightning. This looks serious. "Yeah! It looks like that contagion scene from Blood C." Which we aren't going to show because that scene is f**ked up in an already f**ked up show! "Hell yeah! Hope there's no demonic, shape shifting rabbits around here." But we need to help these ponies. "Ha! I think I already got an answer!" Deadpool made a stand in a few seconds then stood behind it and began to blare some air horns, getting everypony's attention. The crowd moaned and some walked to him, looking like zombies. Without hesitation, Deadpool put on a medical mask over his face. "Greetings, everypony in this fair town! I see you've all got yourselves in quite a fever." "Swamp Fever." A mare coughed. "Well have no worry, for I bring you something that can help cure this plague!" He pulled out a bottle. "Modern medicine!!!" The ponies looked at each other in confusion. "Instead of relying on the nearest witch doctor, you can use this as a means to keep yourselvesd from getting sick and cure your illness in a few days!" "A few days?" A stallion asked. "That's right! Anyone willing to try?" The crowd stood, but a lone mare with small branches growing out of her body approached and drank the bottle. She coughed a bit. "It's sour!" "Yeah, couldn't really make different flavors." Deadpool replied. "How you feelin'?" "Like... pretty good." The branches fell off of her and the polka dots disappeared. The crowd gasped at the sight. "In fact, I feel GREAT!!!" "Who wants some medicine!? Only 10 bits a bottle!" The crowd ran to him with ponies buying the bottles. A blue mare with a red, Marge Simpson looking hair style, wearing a blue and yellow, toucan mask, walked in. "I found the cure!" She announced in a Cajun accent "It's the Flash Bee's Ho-!" She paused as Everypony was cured and Deadpool was on a pile of bits. "Sorry, Missy," Deadpool spoke. "I know this is your legend, but inflation's on my side!" "And that's how Deadpool cured the village from-" A short, brown, huge dark yellow bearded stallion spoke before stopping. "Hang on... I don't remember him." "But I do!" Deadpool spoke, popping in from a window. "I'm Rich, BEEOTCH!!!" Deadpool ran away. 1 Week later. Deadpool followed the Mane 6, Starlight and Sunburst to where Starswirl's journal said they went missing. "Why do we need Deadpool again?" Starlight asked. "Protection." Sunburst replied. "And I want to see some Starbusrt action!" Deadpool added, bouncing his eyebrows suggestively. They all approached to something that looks like the Stonehenge. "I KNEW IT!!! Starswirl's an alien! Illuminati confirmed!!!" "This is the Ponhenge." Twilight corrected. "And I can't believe it." "I've never seen magical runes like these before!" Sunburst added "Have you?" "Uh-uh." "I don't think anypony's seen any of this for a long time." Rainbow Dash added "You don't say?" Deadpool asked. "It'd take a whole team of ponies to clear away all this brush." Applejack spoke. "Or just one guy." "Even then, I'm not sure we'd find out what happened here over a thousand years ago." Fluttershy added. "I might!" "You're right. I suppose it was a long shot." Twilight sighed "Cheer up, Twilight." Spike encouraged "Finding a whole set of ancient ruins is pretty impressive. Maybe you could write a paper on it." "I guess I hoped we'd get here and the mystery would just magically be explained." "And That's lazy writing." Deadpool added. Twilight dropped Starswirl's book onto a pillar, making it and the pillar glow. A hologram of Starswirl appeared. "HOLY S**TOH!!! It's him!!!" "I don't think he is here." Sunburst spoke, touching the hologram before pointing. "I don't think any of them are." Holograms of Flash Magnus, Mistmane, Somnambula, Meadowbrook, and Rock Hoof appeared on their own pillar. Deadpool sweated a bit under his mask. You've done f**ked up. The Holo-Star Swirl blasted some magic at the well, summoning a giant black pony made from some ooze, which laughed evilly. "You summon me at your peril, Star Swirl! Once I defeat all of you, this realm will embrace the darkness as I did so long ago!" He let out a roar, entangling the legends in vines. "Drawing me here will only make me stronger. You will never defeat-!" "Wait! WAIT!!!" A hologram of Deadpool ran in, breathing heavily. "Ok... one second here... look, this is basically Princess Luna all over again! Part one wanted something, party two said no, party one turns all edgelord and stuff and tries to kill everyone, and party two has to beat them. My question is simply, why don't you be more persistent, Stygian? Why don't you-?" The Pony of shadows stomped on Deadpool. Starswirl lifted his book, as did everyone else (minus Flash), and made a pentagram, trapping the pony of shadows and Deadpool. A large flash came, and everyone was gone. Everypony turned to Deadpool. "... Oh great, time travel shenanigans." Deadpool groaned. "But I did make a good point." It was at that moment that Cable appeared behind him. "WADE!!!" He announced before Deadpool took his device. "Yeah, yeah, I know." Meanwhile Deadpool, the legends, and Pony of shadows floated throughout limbo. "... So... Who wants to sing?" Deadpool asked. Everyone groaned. "I know a perfect song!" ♬It's a world of laughter A world of tears It's a world of hopes And a world of fears There's so much that we share That it's time we're aware It's a small world after all! t's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small, small world♬ "Enough of this torture!" The Pony of Shadows begged. "Agreed!" Star Swirl added. "We need something else to pass the time for eternity." ♬There is just one moon And one golden sun And a smile means Friendship to everyone Though the mountains divide And the oceans are wide It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small, small world It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small, small world It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small, small world It's a small, small world.♬ "... Is it over? Rock Hoof asked. "Nope! Again, but in spanish!" Deadpool replied. "NOOO!!!" Everyone screamed. When all of the artifacts were gathered, including Flash's shield (found in Deadpool's armory), a portal opened and all of the legends were dumped to the floor unceremoniously. Each of the Mane 6 grabbed a hold of them and dragged them before they were crushed by a boulder. Deadpool landed in the middle. "Whoo! That was relaxing!" Deadpool cheered. "How's everyone doing?" "No! Please!" Somnambula groaned. "I'm too familiar with how small the world is!" "You already ruined our lives!" Flash growled, holding his shield. "And we're now free!" "Let's all take turns." Rock Hoof added. The Pony of shadows arrived. "You sir, are the most evil being I've ever meet!" He spoke to Wade. "Here, have this worthless peon!" The shadow monster literally spat out a small, gray unicorn stallion with a blue mane, wearing a peasent's coat. "You're mine, Deadpool!" "... Yeah, sorry, don't need another symbiote." Deadpool replied. "But I will use these!" A Power Rangers-Eques theme played as he grabbed the legends tools. "Mask of Meadowbrook!" The mask slid onto his face "Blinds of Somnambula!" The blinds wrapped around his head, making it a headband. "Flower of Mistmane!" The flower went over his right ear. "Shovel of Rock Hoof!" The Shovel went into his right hand. "Shield of Flash Magnus!" The Shield slid over his left arm. "And Starswirl's fanfiction!!!" The journal opened and went over his torso. Deadpool posed in his 'battle' outfit. "It's a journal!" Starswirl yelled "HA!!! Your silly costume means nothing to me!" The Pony of Shadows roared. "You and I will become one!" "I doubt it. FLASHLIGHT STRIKE!!!" "ECH!!! LOVE!!! GET IT AWAY!!!" The Shadow creature screeched. Deadpool swung the shovel. "Luckily, I've been watching Wakfu." He swung the shovel at the shadow, whacking it's cheek with it. It looked rather confused. "What the-!? How-!?" "WAKFU!!!" He whacked it on the head several times, making it become smaller. "Qui savait qu'un Anime français pouvait être aussi bon avec une meilleure animation que celui du film de haute qualité du Japon?" Mais bien sûr. C'est comme Teen Titans. Le poney des ombres a fait partir les Teen Titans! Allons le tuer! "Allons-y!!!" Deadpool whacked it one final time before jumping into the air and decapitating the shadow monster. "Let this evil never return in a millions years! ... Or, another 1000 years." "I will return..." The shdaow monster spoke before oozing into the floor. Deadpool turned to the others, who watched with shock expressions. "... What!? You should've listened beforehand and not assume he was going to take your spot. Sheesh, and people say cellphones ruin communications. So remember kids, know what you're talking about, and get every detail in there so the people you're talking to won't kick you out of their group." And knowing is half the battle! And knowing is half the battle! Movie Spoilers. Ponies 226 & 227, (Hippogriffs/Seaponies) (2 & 3/ 1&2), (Possible) Griffin #4 , and a Kitty! Tempest Shadow, Songbird Serenade, Queen Novo, Princess Skystar, Captain Celaeno, And Capper... whatever Gruber and the Storm King areDeadpool woke up in a cage. "Oh crap! Did we miss that party!?" I wouldn't be surprised. Look! Monkeys! "Monkeys!? Where!" Deadpool looked around, only to have his cage smacked by something. Turning, Deadpool turned to see what was a large, monkey looking creature wearing black armor and mask, which had an emblem of light blue lightning. on it's sides and chestpiece. Looking, Deadpool saw that like him, everypony was in a cage, or in shackles, acting as slaves. "... What the f**k!? Why are we always so late!?" Maybe if you had planned things ahead, none of this would happen. Plans, schlams! We have one thing in life! "Skills! With a Z at the end!" And how are we going to get out? You should use your head. "Oh yeah!" Deadpool headbutted the lock on his cage. The lock came off and the cage opened. Ugh... idiot! We're geniuses! The weird, large monkey creatures noticed and spoke to each other in their weird language, surrounding Deadpool's cage. "Hey, sorry to go, but I have to check on my Mooncheeks!" He teleported away. They all screamed and ordered each other to be on the lookout for Deadpool. Deadpool slammed opened the throne room and walked in. "Oh mooncheeks! I'm He~re!" He announced, seeing her, as well as Celestia and Cadence's silhouettes, standing still. "Ooh! You're right here! Listen, babe, I apologize for not being at this here friendship festival, but Equestria has so many parties, I begin to wonder if this is just a different version of totalitarianism." Like the Emoji movie! Why did we watch it on Pornhub? Deadpool walked over to Luna and rested his head on her side. "So, can you forgive me?" Silence. "... Giving me the silent treatment, eh? Well two can play!" Well you lost. "Come on, speak to me!... How about you two? Care to forgive me?" Silence. "... We need some light in here." He opened the curtain, showing the petrified statues of the three princesses. "AHH!!! DISHONORED 2!!!" The door to the balcony opened, revealing a very tall, Satyr-like creature, wearing the same armor like the large monkeys outside, but showed his face. "Oh? A guest?" He asked rather mockingly. "I know the place needs some redecorating. It reads too much like a girly thing, and I need something better." Deadpool stared for a bit. "What's the matter? You see a ghost or something?" The satyr's voice made Deadpool remember the past... back in 2009, the X-Men prequel that ruined his reputation. "YOU!!!" Deadpool pointed. "Oh great, a pony lover. Look, I don't care how you feel about them, but-" "Liev Schreiber! Sabertooth! 2009! X-Men Origins: Wolverine! The movie that made 'The Merc with the Mouth' into 'The Merc without the mouth'! The single movie that ruined my reputation!" He stared at him. "... I don't recall meeting you. The name's Storm King, not... whoever you're saying. If you think I'm soneone else, then you, my friend are-" Deadpool pulled out twin assault rifles. "Where'd you get those?" "EAT LEAD, MOTHA F***ER!!!" Deadpool pulled the triggers... only to hear loud clicks. He looked at the magazines, seeing no bullets were in them. "... S**t." He was grabbed by the face. "Attempting to kill the king!? How ridiculous! I am the Storm King, the future ruler of all lands! And as soon as I get the last Alicorn, their magic will be mine, and I will-" "Boo! Tirek did it!" Storm King blinked and saw his hand had a rock in it instead. Deadpool sat on the throne. "Sheesh, this is SO soft! But boo! Tirke already did that! And he's in hell!" "Tirek? Please, I'm more of a legend than him, and-" "Legend!? You were just introduced to the movie! No one knows who the f**k you are! not even the princesses... I think. Say, what happened to them? Why are they frozen into statues?" "... I need their magic to rule the world." "So you froze them?" "Yep!" "... You froze... my Mooncheeks?" "Don't know who that is... oh! You're dating a pwetty pony? That's so sweet!... Bleh! That's gross, even for-" "I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!!!" Deadpool charged at the Strom King, only to be blocked by one of his hands, with him leaning and yawning. "As I was saying, this is pretty sad to see someone like you, who I will admit, looked a bit cool, only to have that all wipe away when you said you're dating a pony. I mean, what do you see in them? They're nothing more but dumb, fun having creatures that-" The door opened, revealing a different unicorn with Twilight in a cage, dragged by two other pony slaves. Said different unicorn was a dark purple with a darker, Mohawk mane, and in the same armor as the Storm King wore, but her right eye had a scar, and her horn was broken. "Your majesty?" She asked, rather surprised. "I have captured the last princess and-" Her horn zapped a bit, and Deadpool was pulled to her side. "... Magnets, how do they work?" He asked. "Oh goody! Set her up over there." Storm King ordered. "And we seem to have a bit of an intruder in our hands... or hooves... please, dispose of him for-" "You are so cute!" Deadpool spoke, rubbing the unicorn's cheeks together. "Who's a good fiwwy? Who's a good fiwwy?" The unicorn groaned and threw her out of the window. "I WANT MY SNUUUUUGLES!!!" He crashed on the floor, breaking every bone in his body. Ouch. Let's do it again! The large, monkey creatures surrounded him, speaking in their weird gibberish. Deadpool got up, healed up by his healing factor. "Listen, fellas," he began "can't we all just get along and settle over a pint?" He was picked up by his face. "I guess not." He teleported away, making them all yell in anger. Deadpool landed on another and looked up, seeing the castle glow, and the Storm King on the balcony with his staff mix, making the sun and moon raise and set. If I were to guess, he took the princesses magic in that staff of his. I thought it was his personal toy. "Or a pole he practices with." Deadpool added. "And we'll have to get back up there." Deadpool teleported right back to the action, as the Storm King was about to make a literal storm in Canterlot. "Yes!" He cheered! "Now we can make this storm go! And I will-" "What is up with you villains on wanting to rule the world?" Storm King turned to Deadpool. "What the-!? Tempest!" The broken horn mare looked at Deadpool with an annoyed look. "Seriously, why do villains always want to rule the world? Have all the literal superpowers is one thing, both comic book wise and geographically wise, but what are you gonna do after that? Just sit there and be bored until someone, or some people, start talk of a revolution? And you're no Aku, good sir. Besides, we all know you're gonna betray... Tempest Shadow, was it?" "Bah! You know nothing about us!" "Except that you're a one dimensional, pony hater, and she's your slave because she believes that you will give her back her horn?" An awkward stare came from the two. "How did you-?" Tempest asked. "I heard your song just now. Really good vocal ranges!" Tempest turned to the Storm King. "Is he right? Are you going to betray me?" "Besides me considered 'one dimensional'," The Storm King replied. "Of course! I don't care about your stupid horn! You think I care about ponies? Even those who worship me?" He shoved Tempest next to Deadpool before aiming his staff at the two. "Say goodnight, pony!" "Heh, no." Deadpool mockingly spoke, slapping on half of a helmet over Tempest's face. The helmet was sharp looking, kinda similar looking to a Queen Xenomorph from the alien movies, but had a sharp looking horn on it, and had a curve in where the head piece should be at. "What the-!?" Tempest spoke. "What the hay are you-?" "We're gonna get ourselves some revenge." Deadpool put on the other half of the helmet. They began to glow. "This is gonna get weird, but also awesome!" Like magnets, their faces, and bodies were pushed together, side by side, until they were seemingly put together. Storm King covered his eyes from the sheer brightness. Right outside Canterlot's marketplace, a cake was wheeled in by the rest of the Mane 6, with Spike on top of said cake, acting like a figure, with a bipedal cat next to them. "Uh, excuse me," he spoke, "I'm here to deliver a cake for the Storm King and-" BOOM!!! An explosion of light exploded erupted from the Princesses' castle, with a figure falling from the sky. "What the hay!?" Applejack yelled, getting out of her shackles. "We're too late!" Rainbow added. The cake 'melted' as a bipedal, griffin pirate captain and others, along with a hippogriff that was, well, skinnier and leaner than Silverquill. "I knew this plan was stupid." The captain spoke. Pinkie squealed and pulled out a boombox. "PINKIE!!!" Rarity yelled. "Now's not the time for music!" "Oh yeah! HIT IT!!!" Pinkie pressed the play button. Landing in the middle of the market circle, was a bipedal pony-human hybrid! The helmet was the one Deadpool put on with Tempest, but the body itself, while having all the feminine parts, looked pretty masculine as well. It wore a breastplate that stopped at it's knees, with metal boots and gauntlets over it's hands. The armor had the blue coloring of the Storm King's, but it's symbols was Deadpool's face, with the black armor having a bit of a red tint to it. "We are one," it spoke. "We are... Tempool!" The Storm King's guards charged at it. Tempool charged at the one in front of him, grabbing and tossing him into the air, before delivering a powerful kick to one of it's allies. A surge of electricity came through Tempool's body, making it slam it's fist to the floor, releasing a shockwave of electricity to some nearby guards, making them stop in place and twitch. Following it's move, Tempool pulled out one of the stone spheres and threw it point blank at one of the S.K.'s guard's face, turning it into stone in a few seconds. Swiftly, Tempool grabbed the statue turned guard and slammed it at another's face, shattering the statue in the process as it knocked the other out. A huge crowd of Guards charged at Tempool. Smirking, Tempool teleported away, reappearing in the middle of the crowd, tripped all of them, and delivered a devastating punch to their faces that may have knocked a few teeth out, followed by breaking their jaw. More of the SK's guards came down from their zeppelins, surrounding Tempool. Tempool jumped onto the fountain statue, pulled out 2 M4 Assault Rifles, and, with a bit of it's electrical charge, fired a barrage of electricity infused bullets that either hit their exposed skin and/or released a surge of electricity in their armor, making them stop. When all of the surrounding forces were down, and Tempool's rifles were out of ammo, not only did it dispose them, but it charged at one of the grounded zeppelins that were releasing more of the SK's guards. Tempool's speed increased with each second, and more lightning came out, which zapped each lock off of everypony's cage, freeing them. The front of the SK's guards were lucky, only having been knocked down and zapped away, as the further back ones turned into ashes, and, when Tempool was in the Zeppelin, it exploded, firing the Tempest-Deadpool hybrid out with only a few scratches and burns, landing in front of the rest of the mane 6 and friends, who's mouths were utterly dropped, minus Pinkie, who was dressed up like Thor and smiling. A glow came from Tempool, and both Deadpool and Tempest were seperated once again, with tempest looking in utter shock. "What... was that?" She asked. "A short fusion taken from Dragon Ball Z." Deadpool answered and winked. Out on the streets, the Storm King came out. "Alright!" He yelled "That... was freaking cool! I won't lie! But... not only have you made my soldiers look like babies attempting to walk, but you made my army retreat in utter fear." Above, the zeppelins flew away. "So it looks like it's up to me to show them that you're nothing compared to the might that is-" "You talk too much." Deadpool spoke, delivering a punch to the SK's nuts, making him wheeze and fall to the floor. Wade picked up his staff. "Oh no!" Tempest spoke. "Listen! Be careful with that! That's-" Deadpool easily snapped the staff effortlessly with both of his hands. The magic flew back to the castle, freeing the princesses from their stone prisons. Wade picked up the Storm King and threw him off the side of the balcony. "Pinkie!" Pinkie saluted and tossed Deadpool two more M4 Assault rifles. Deadpool turned around with his assault rifles and unleased all his bullets at the Storm King as he fell to his death on the hard floor. The Storm King fell to the floor with a faint splat noise. "F**K YOU, SCHRIBER!!!" He pulled out a grenade launcher and fired all the grenades at the SK's corpse, leaving only a small, black crater, and a couple of limbs around. It was then followed by Deadpool unzipping his pants and peeing on the crater, relieving himself thoroughly. Such a beautiful work of art. It's overkill if you ask me. "It's both." Deadpool zipped up his pants and turned to the other, with the princesses, having watched the scene unfold. "... What!? He was an a**hole! I'm a d**k! D**ks f**k a**holes. But, I think we have a party to start here!" A change of plans was made with the Sia pony, Songbird Serenade. After her BORING, more sad tune filled song that could work for an indie movie, Deadpool and Luna stood on stage, with Deadpool and every guy dressed up in their own suit, and Luna with every other gal dressed up as if they were Carmen San Diego. It didn't take long for a certain upbeat song to play. Here we go, off the rails Don't you know it's time to raise our sails? It's freedom like you never knew Don't need bags or a pass, Say the word, I'll be there in a flash You could say my hat is off to you Oh, we can zoom all the way to the moon, From this great wide wacky world, Jump with me, grab coins with me, oh yeah! It's time to jump up in the air, (Jump up in the air), Jump up, don't be scared, (Jump up, don't be scared), Jump up and your cares will soar away, (oohoohooh), And if the dark clouds start to swirl, (Dark clouds start to swirl) Don't fear, don't shed a tear, 'cause I'll be your 1-Up Girl (You'll be my 1-Up Girl) So let's all jump up super high, (Jump up super high), High up in the sky, (High up in the sky), There's no power-up like dancing, You know that you're my Super Star, (You're my Super Star) No one else can take me this far I'm flipping the switch, Get ready for this, Ohh, ohh, let's do the Odyssey! Odyssey, ya see Odyssey, ya see Odyssey, ya see Odyssey, ya see Odyssey, ya see Odyssey, ya see Odyssey, ya see Odyssey, Odyssey! Spin the wheel, take a chance Every journey starts a new romance A new world's calling out to you Take a turn, off the path Find a new addition to the cast, You know that any captain needs a crew Take it in stride as you move, side to side, They're just different points of view Jump with me, grab coins with me, Oh yeah! Come on and jump up in the air, (Jump up in the air), Jump without a care, (Jump without a care), Jump up 'cause you know that I'll be there And if you find you're short on joy, (Find you're short on joy) Don't fret, just don't forget that You're still my 1-Up Boy (I'm still your 1-Up Boy) So go on, straighten out your cap, (Straighten out your cap), Let your toes begin to tap, (Toes begin to tap), This rhythm is a power 'shroom (oohoohooh) Jump on it; You're the Super Star (You're the Super Star) No one else can make it this far Put a comb through that stache, Now you've got panache Ohh, ohh, let's do the Odyssey! It's time to jump up in the air, (Jump up in the air), Jump up, don't be scared, (Jump up don't be scared), Jump up and your cares will soar away, (oohoohooh), And if the dark clouds start to swirl, (Dark clouds start to swirl), Don't fear, don't shed a tear 'cause I'll be your 1-Up Girl (You're still be my 1-Up Girl) Now listen all you boys and girls, (All you boys and girls), All around the world, (All around the world), Don't be afraid to get up and move You know that we're all Super Stars, (We're all Super Stars) We're the ones who've made it this far Put a smile on that face, There's no time to waste, Sooo, let's do the Odyssey! Deadpool took off the bottom part of his mask and delivered a passionate kiss to Luna, with fireworks exploding behind them, getting more cheer for them than Sia. And in that kiss, Deadpool kicked the weird Stitch-Bunga look-a-like that was Gruber. Author's Note I wanted to follow the ENTIRE movie, but that took take WAY to long to do... plus, Thor Ragnarock came out, so I had to do that scene. The Deadpool-Tempest hybrid's a mix of these 2 pictures I found. Helmet more based off this, but the rest on this. A late Christmas special: Pony 228: Star TrackerThe roads of Canterlot were filled with joy, as Hearths Warming had arrived. Snow poured from the sky, as family's trotted, going to their relatives homes to open more gifts, spreading cheer for all to hear. However, amongst them, crowds parted as Deadpool angrily strolled through. *Mr. And Mrs.Cake* When a cold wind blows it chills you Chills you to the bone But there's nothing in nature that freezes your heart Like years of being alone *Fancy Pants* It paints you with indifference Like a lady paints with rouge *Jet Set and Uppercut* And the worst of the worst The most hated and cursed Is the one that we call Wade. *Snips and Snails* Unkind as any And the wrath of many This is that Deadpool, Wade. *Random ponies* Oh, there goes Mr. Humbug There goes Mr. Grim If they gave a prize for bein' mean the winner would be him *Handicapped ponies* Oh, Scroogey loves his money 'cause he thinks it gives him power If he became a flavor you can bet he would be sour Even the vegetables don't like him! *Griffins* There goes Mr. Skin flint There goes Mr. Greed *Recolored Cappers* The undisputed master of the underhanded deed *Random ponies* He charges folks a fortune for his dark and drafty services Us small folk live in misery It's even worse for those with curses "I͍͚͎͇̹͗́͂͘͠ j̡̨̩̘̜̫̖͇̬̞͋̃̓̏͌ų̸̻͇̲̟̾̀̆̈̓̒͟ͅs̡̩̝̹̩̦̮̪̖̀̏̽͒̊̎̓͟͡t̖̩̠̱̦̯̘̏͂̓̈́͒̅͋͘̕͞ w̸̢̲͙̫̻̗͎̥̼͗͛̈̊̋ą̷̭͈͇̯͓̫̹͉́̋́̇̔͋̚͢n̴̨̗͇̣͉̍̽͊̉̈́̊͐̆̕̚ṭ̷̨̛̳̤̪̞̃̌̓͛̂̀̄̕ ḩ̜̟̳̱̼͕͐̄͐́̏͠i̜͖̗̥͔̰̦̿̃͒̉͗̍s̸̢̨̗̩͇̹̻͈͖͓͗͑͋̀̔͛̂͊͞ s͉̫̻͙̟͆̓͆̏̏̽͋̓̔̓ơ̶̳̲͖̜̩̣̲͑̄̊̚͟ų̷̗̙̮̗̗̅̌̉̿̌̍̇̐̔͠l̶̰̬̰̥̜͇͇̪̰̿̀́̅͡!̶̺͚͚͚͓̣̙͖̐̔̾̀̓̽̆̕̕"" *Carolers* He must be so lonely He must be so sad He goes to extremes to convince us he's bad He's really a victim of fear and of pride Look close and there must be a sweet man inside ...Naaaah! Uh Uh *More ponies* There goes Mr. Outrage There goes Mr. Sneer *Button Mash with a puppet* He has no time for friends or fun His anger makes that clear *Workhorses* Don't ask him for a favor 'cause his nastiness increases No crust of bread for those in need *Cursed ponies* Ñ̡̧̯̼͚̰͙͚͈̹̏͋̄̏̇̑̔ȏ̷̲͓̣̳͇̯̖̝͉̋̽̊̒̕̚͡ ś̡̨̠̱͍̈́̃̏̚̕͜͝͝ő̵̳͚̠̱̠̠̟̻́̎̿̽͊͘͘̕̚͢u̧̡̟̝̱̬͋͗̎͂̋͛͂͆̔͡l̨̲̗̗̯̫̣͒̓͒̉̚͝ͅì̡̨̘̩̤̦͎̱͑͐͋͞é̶̢̡̛̛̻͇̳̖͑̓̋́s̖͚͖̝̖͂͑̑͞͠ ḟ̵͖͚͙͍́̈́̀͂̉̓͜o͕̺̝̹̺̽̔̈̈̓͟͡ŗ̜͔̤̮͇̩̩̈́̓́̅͜͞ͅ u̮͕̳̜̙͚̙̰͈͐̋͗̊͆̉̄̃͟ş̞͍̯̝̞̠̜̓̃͋́͆̔̕͢ͅ m̶̳͖̘͖̔̀̏̓͋͊̄̌͘͢ͅè͔͍͖̥͈͐̈̐͘͘͠͠e̩̪͇̦͇̪͈̠̿̄̌́̓͗͊̓͜ṣ̡̢̤͉̹͔̮̃͐̂͑͂̕͝͞͡ȩ̴̡̛̛̙̮̠͕̌͑͋̃̂̉͆̅s̥̞̺̬̪͐̒̀͟͝͞ *Everypony* There goes Mr. Heartless There goes Mr. Cruel He never gives, he only takes He lets this hunger rule If bein' mean's a way of life He'll practice and rehearse And all that work is paying off 'Cause Wade is getting worse! Every day, in every way, Wade's is getting worse "F**k ya'll just say!?" Deadpool yelled, turning to the ponies, surrounding him in front of the castle. Everypony turned and ran away. "... Humbug!" He entered the castle, shaking the snow off his body. "Yo! Mooncheeks! Ya'll here!? I came to wish you a Hearths Warming-" THWANG!!! Deadpool fell to the floor as Celestia hit the back of his head with a Frying Pan, Luna next to him. "You really think this will help out Hearth's Warming?" Celestia asked, cleaning the frying pan. "I'm sure, sister." Luna answered. "And hopefully, make somepony's dream come true." "... Think we should check?" "Oh yeah!" They both pulled a bottle out and drank it." Deadpool woke up to see that he small in a somewhat messy bedroom and- "Oh s**t! I'm in Tales from Tinies! MrAquino! Stop shoving your voraphilia agenda down my throat!" Uh... this isn't that... I was going to say that you're an action figure. "Wait, what!?" Oh my god! We're an awesome action figure! Indeed. Hope we're actually used by a child and not held on Display for some loser's room. ... Why are you all looking at me like that? But, ahem, yes, Deadpool was now an action figure, and next to him was a stallion, about a young adult, probably just have graduated from High school. His coat was light purple with an unkempt, dark yellow mane & tail, both with a bleached stripe in the middle of it. Like Deadpool, he too was a toy, but he seemed excited. The stallion approached to Deadpool with a huge smile. "Hi! I'm Star Tracker!" He spoke. Deadpool groaned and snapped his neck... but being a toy, it didn't do anything. "Is this a Hearth's Warming dream coming true!?" Deadpool leaned forwards to Star Tracker. "NO!!!" He delivered a hard punch to Star Tracker, launching him across the room. Star Tracker remained unphased "This is so cool!" Deadpool threw a car at him. "Wow, this is not as painful as I would-" A train was thrown at him. Star Tracker appeared next to Deapool, holding up a gun. "Grabbing this thing!" Deadpool groaned, picking the gun up and pulling the trigger, only for nothing to happen. "Bulls**t!" He threw the pistol at Star Tracker's face, who didn't blink. Star Tracker gave Deadpool a teddy bear. "Her you go, I got this for you!" Deadpool groaned. Luna looked around her. "Celestia?" She asked. "Are you here?" Celestia appeared right behind her, as a cat. "Nya!" "Really?" "What? It's my only time to goof off." "H̨͓̺̰̗̎̑̔͗̒̿̇̿ḛ̡̢̺̪̝̲̱̘͎̅͆̃͛̄̿̈̂y̢̛̹̫̬̗̬̪͔̺͂̊̎̏̎́͜͝ k̢̻͈͚͖͉̲̝̾̽̃̍͑͛̔̓͋͘͟͢n̨͈̪͔͔̈́͛͊̾̓̀͟u̴̙̜̜͔̝̜̞͛͒̽̐̎̈́͟͡c̸̡̼̱̩͕̼͚̜̋̇́̓̋̒͐̀̑́͟k̶͙̰̯͎̣̜͊̌͂͐̓̆͜͢͡ͅl̯̻̣͓͚͎̄̈̂̒̕e̵̙͈̞̭̟̞̘̾́̿͂͗̅̆̀͟͞ĥ̢̝̪̙̭̠̣̜̈́̌͐́͗̐ẻ̴̢̪̞̮͎̬͔̀́̓͡a̷͇͙̱̳̳̒̓̀̾̔͂̇d̷͎̘̗̞̤̂̇̀̈́́͜͢ŝ̡͖̝̱̜̩̓̐̑̄̃͐̕͠͠!̲̣̟̠̞̐́͛̅̐͝" A demon appeared with a roar, hopping to them. "Y̢͍̰̗̲̣̏̂̉͊̀͊͑̄̔ͅȯ̵̢̝̖͕̰͈͆̿̉̇̋̌͟͜u̖̭̝̩͍͎͇̠̺͒̆̍̿̕'̴̧̪̳͚͙͉͕̽̌̆͗̃̃̕͟͜͠r̡̛̼͈̹̪͖̓̾̀͛e̢̬̥̳̟͕̗̐̀͆́̈̌͋̕͢ ȧ̢̪̭̬͖̰͆̆͋̍̄́͜͢͜͢l̘̭͈̥͎̐͑̎̍̎̔̉̊́̕l̷̛̞͓̥̣̦̥̈̆̀̚ ḽ̴̳͈̥͖̤͙̎͌̆̓̇̄̕̕͝ŏ̷̡̰̼̼̗̌̀͆̈́͘͠s̸̗̱̪̹̲̬̬̤̥̿̅̓̆̓̄͊̚͜͠ḛ̡̢̭̺̇̀̉̀͑͊̆͂͐ŕ̡̯͔͙͉̮̻̰̰͗̋͊̋͗̿̿̊͝ş̸̠̖͇͕͙̅̏͋̽̌̿͆͝͡!̷̲͓̟͉̗̭̾̀͆̒̂͊̉͑̓̕ I̤͎͎̗̗̩̥̬͂̎̀́̈͠ͅͅ'̷̢̻͈̺̦̹̲͈̥̃͋̓͆͘͝m̮̭̺̳̩͓̼̘̍̓͋́͋̈̂ g̨̬̣̥͕̪̜̖̣̳͐͐̍̌̊̀͡ǫ̛̙̟͎͐́̽̇͋̀̀̕͘͟ņ͈͙͖̙̺̲͈͉͔̀̐͆͂͋̏͋͗n̨̩̯̫̤̔̿̂͗̂͋̿͑͜ą̙̜̯̼̝̩̟̿̈́͂͛̍̕͠͠ ḫ̢̭͔͇̤̘̙̻͋̄͒̇͋̔̄̚ͅę̷̛̠̻̘̥͔͖̠̄̈̉̚͟͢a̢̨̨͕̲̓̐͐̽̚͡d̢̨͙̹͔͓̱̗̆͋̅̆́͆̈̽̓͢͜͞b̶̢͕̩̗̩̬̱̱̣́̐̽̅͆̓̑̓ų̡̲̰̤̤̐͂͐̈̀̄̂̀̃͜͢ṯ̥̫̼̻͎̠̿́͂̽̈́̉̉̕̕͢͡t̸͎̯̩̠̰͓͖̝̬̏́͗̾̊ͅ y̩͍͙͚͎͓̏̆̎̍́̋̍̅͂͜ͅa̵̢͇̞̰̔͗̐̾͘͢͞͡͞!̷̧̛̺͕̖̬̩̀̏̇̓͢ͅ Ḯ̸̡̢̝̮̳̊̐̇̉̾͒̕͟'̷̨̛̫͙͖̤̝̺̠͑͑̒͆̂͐̾̀͢͞m̛̖͎̠̝̙̤̻̲̟̓͑̆͒̿̐̾ ǵ̵̺̳͍̞̬̠͐͋͋͢͠o͓̠͕̱̟͐̀̒̂̐̋͛̍̃n̞̩̫͍͉͕͌̓͋́̀ǹ̛̦̦͍̭͚̹̘̓̑͗̍́a̯͇̠͍̻̅̌̋̌̊͐̿̊͠-͉̗͍͖͇͉͉̭̑̇̆̓̾!̧͉̝͕̺͑͛̃͑̌̕" The demon stopped in front of Celestia. With a mischievous smile, she blasted Luna out of the way with her magic, right as the demon exploded. "Hey!" Luna yelled. Celestia turned with her smile. With only a pancake and a baseball bat, Luna made a machine gun. "I'm the dream master here." She blasted a barrage of bullets into Celestia, who took it all like a sponge. The machine gune ran out of bullets, in which Luna leapt to the weapon and tore it apart. She made another smile, with Luna frowning. Both Deadpool and Star Tracker stood together on a counter. "Hey! Deadpool!" Star Tracker spoke. "Watch this!" Star Tracker began to dance in front of Deadpool, though, it was Twilight dancing levels type of bad. Luckily, it ended, as he pointed at Cable, on the floor, bleeding out. "HELP!!!" Cable yelled. Star Tracker threw a bottle of pills at Cable, which exploded, throwing the mutant across the room and splattering on the wall, and a huge holler was heard. Deadpool was picked up by Rick and Morty's Bird Person, who kept saying "The bird is the word", as Star Tracker was approached by tortoises. "Aww! Aren't you all so-" The tortoise tackled Star Tracker, making him fall off the counter. "AHH!!!" He landed right on the back of a derp eyed Queen Novo Hippogriff. "... Yay! I'm saved!" His saviour lifted it's tail and farted, which bursted into flame, and made it into a rocket. Deadpool, however, was taken to Bird Person's nest, where he was surrounded by turtles. One of them tackled Deadpool. "Ah! Someone save me from the weak, defenseless turtles!" He pleaded. His answer came from Star Tracker screaming, with the Novo rocket hitting the nest, and making it explode. Both fell down from the sky and screamed their heads off, feeling like it was an hour of falling. Deadpool landed straight into the floor, with Star Tracker hitting on the handles of a desk, with the top being regular, the second having some cacti, the third being flowers, the 4th being shot by turrets, and hitting where nuts would be on the final one, falling and wheezing in pain. Celestia was dressed up as a gangsta with Luna. "Yo U Godda Daye Dose Shoos Bluu + cream SSSSSunn, Bluu + cream! Butt mayc sho yu geet paanz and a half 2 mach! Or else that s**t would look silly, yo!" Luna grabbed Celestia's face and threw her into a chest. "Why did I even bring her here?" She asked herself. Looking to her side was nothing. Below was a drug addict, and above was JPeg of some cat. She opened the chest, only to see a Storm Trooper Helmet. "Boo!" A random Biker yelled, kicking Luna, and making her neck snap at the edge of the chest. M-Ma-Ma-Monster Kill!!! The biker drove away, but gave Celestia a high five. Luna got up and slapped Celestia in her face. "HELP!!!" Star Tracker screamed. "No!" Deadpool replied. "Ok..." "Pills here!" The voice of an old man yelled. "Uh oh! A smoker!" Sure enough, an old man with a cigarette fell next to Star Tracker. "SMOKER!!!" He screamed his head off. "Goddammit!" The old man slapped Star Tracker, making his face look like Arnold Schwarzenegger. "A spy!?" Deadpool asked. "Yeah." The two had a stare down, but was interrupted by Star Tracker, who had a bottle of pills. "Ooh! Candy!" He cheered, opening the bottle and drinking it all down... only to then get ripped. Being so ripped, he punched Deadpool and the old man, with the latter getting stuck to a wall, and the former smacking into a giant computer. Star Tracker put on some sunglasses. "It's time to kick ass and kick ass... and I'm all out of kick ass!" Due to MrAquino's laziness and the need to upload a Christmas special, we will cut to the ending, as this is is just a ripoff of Kitty0706's Holiday special with the Heavy Weapons Guy. RIP, Kitty. "Faust bless us, everyone!" Star Tracker yelled, wearing a copy of Deadpool's mask. Deadpool picked up Star Tracker and place him on his lap. *Deadpool* Well, I've met someone who touched my soul And made my world brand new *Deadpool and Star Tracker* There's part of me, a place inside That now belongs to you The love we found The love we found We carry with us So we're never quite alone *Everypony* The love we found The love we found The sweetest dream that we have ever known The love we found The love we found We carry with us So we're never quite alone Author's Note Yeah. I got lazy. Sue me. I just follow a lot of Post Modernism, aka, #sorrynotsorry TF2 Analysis Anarchy replacement. Dragon #5, Ponies #228-236, and... a Frieza?. Teric Dragon, Mad Munchkin, Thespio, Eliyora, AnY, Lightning Bliss, Sweetie Bloom, Keyframe, Voice of Reason, Goldenfox, Mary Sue and... Sub-Zero.Author's Note Funny thing. Before the news with ToonKritic, I actually had a funny PWNY-Verse-ish fic where a tiny ToonKritic was going to be the new kid in South Park: The Stick of Truth, with him in the episodes following it, and the Fractured But Whole. This whole news scrapped that idea. Consider this as a fun little chapter before the Season 8 premier. And, if any of the Analysis crew is reading this... can I get a microphone to make this joke work? I can do my best Deadpool impersonation, and follow through with the changes! TF2 Analysis Anarchy replacement. Dragon #5, Ponies #228-236, and... a Frieza?. Teric Dragon, Mad Munchkin, Thespio, Eliyora, AnY, Lightning Bliss, Sweetie Bloom, Keyframe, Voice of Reason, Goldenfox, Mary Sue and... Sub-Zero. "What to do, what to do?" Dr. Wolf spoke to himself as he paced around his office in his engineer clothing. With the news of ToonKritic's illegal activity, and the blue soldier and red spy about to arrive, they needed a replacement for the blue pyro until they found someone that would work. Firebrand walked in with his Medic outfit. "Any luck, Doc?" He asked, sounding a bit concerned. "No, not yet. Seems nopony's available at the moment." "Yeah... never though ToonKritic would do that. It's a shame, really. I had a scene where-" "HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!!!" The voice of Deadpool hollared, right as he crashed through the wooden ceiling, leaving a hole and planks of wood around, some of which are sticking into his back. "AHH!!! SPLINTER!!!" He jumped, exposing his left hand's index finger with a single small splinter sticking out of it. "Oh great, him again." "Now, now," Dr.Wolf spoke in his calm demeanor "let's all calm down here. Fin, assistance, please?" A blue pony with an engineer's outfit came right in with a salute. "Right on it, Sir Mr. Dr. Wolf, sir!" The pony went to Deadpool and took the splinter out of his finger. "There we go! Need me to help get rid of those planks of wood sticking out of your back, Mr. Deadpool, sir?" "Eh, nah." Deadpool replied. "Next to the T-Rex, the dinosaurs feared the Stegosaurus." "Okie dokie, sir!" He ran as fast Pinkie and fixed the ceiling in only a few seconds. "All done! Now to make cookies for everypony!" "That will be fine, Fin." Dr. Wolf spoke right before Fin left. He turned back to Deadpool. "Now, what is it you're here for now? We don't have an appointment until much later." "I know, little pupper." Deadpool replied. "But since Season 8 isn't out until a while, and I didn't see any of the leaked episode like the c**t, MrAquino and other Bronies, I decide to be your replacement for ToonKritic as he does time for doing that f**ked up thing to that minor!" Dr. Wolf and Firebrand looked uncomfortable at the mention. "But relax, I'm not gonna hold on to that! My mini me's already doing something fun with him, something... poetic." "... Can I kill him?" Firebrand asked with annoyance in his tone. "Not now." Dr. Wolf answered. "We are short of one class for the meanwhile, and no one's available at the moment." "Yeah. And your brother, even as the Pyro, would be too OP for everyone to handle!" Deadpool added. "Seriously! That's one big Mutha F**ka! I swear, all these dragons want to eat me!" "And... why do you say that?" "Your brother looked at me like how I do with tacos." "... I will have a word with my brother about that." "Plus, who are you going to get? Sub-Zero!? That guy's TOO OP!!! He's a F**king Dragon Ball OC! That anime's all about overpowered characters beating the s**t out of each other! Only way to beat him is getting Super Man, but that already triggered a few fanboys reading this, or, by a slim chance, is actually a video right now with me being voiced by my loser writer himself." And awkward silence. "...And... how do we know that you can actually be a good pyro?" Firebrand asked. "Everyone practically knows that you're, as you put it, OP to be part of this training session." "Well, Mr. Grumpy Pants." Deadpool spoke, standing up and leaning to the flame haired unicorn. "If you need to know, just like in TF2, The pyro and I are both schizophrenic psychopaths that see and hear things with our overactive imagination, unable to decipher what is real and what is fantasy, wanting to spread our happy-go-lucky cheery nature, only to, in reality, burn and kill everyone we see." Firebrand and Deadpool had a stare off. "... Touche." "And, you need a red and black character that's not a complete edgelord. You've seen me. I am NO Edgelord. Cynical, yes, but I use it WAY better than the piece of s**t that will be Teen Titans Go To The Movies." "Yeah. I can see that. But what about your healing factor? And if you can wear blue?" "Oh, I got both of them ready. Excuse me." He jumped into the next room, making loud crashing noises, before coming out wearing a blue costume of his own costume. "Ta-Da! I'm like Eiffel 65 because I'm Blue (Da Ba Dee Da Be Die)" "Ugh! Don't you dare sing!" "Alright, chill, I just wanted to make that joke." "Yeah, and how do we kill you?" "... I think your Scottish gal can do that. Especially if someone were to... touch her hat." The door was busted in as Mad Munchkin, the Scottish pony in a soldier outfit. "Don't you dare touch the hat!!!" She growled, holding up her rocket launcher. "Or else it's lights out for ye!" "A Scotsman threatening a Canadian!? I wonder if I saw this before." "Ahem!" Firebrand spoke, getting their attention back. "As I was saying, if you feel that way, then feel free to join, but know that this is only temporary, and you're not getting paid for this." "The only payment is blood and the tears from my enemies." Deadpool spoke in his best Shadow the Hedgehog voice before disappearing. "... Can we have everyone blow him up now?" "Later," Dr. Wolf replied. "For now, we should let him do what needs to be done. Besides, it's rather fun to have someone else join us." "Don't make me regret this." Deadpool landed right in the middle where all the Blu team members were at, making them all jump. "Howdy!" Deadpool spoke, wearing a cowboy hat before putting it on Golden Fox's head. "The name's Deadpool, and I'm here as your temporary pyro until a new one is found to replace the Touching critic." REALLY!?!?!? What? You don't like touchy subjects? "Uh... yeah... thanks..." Keyframe said uncomfortably. "Can we uh... not talk about him?" "Ditto!" Lightning Bliss added. "I just want to have fun!" "That, I can, ma'am!" Deadpool spoke, picking up and giving Kim a noogie. "Been a long time since we've met, Kimmy!" "And I thought I was out of your grasp." She groaned. "Uh, Hello? Is this thing on?" The voice of Mary Sue spoke. "Uh, yeah, like, the round will begin in like, 10 seconds, so get your butts ready!" "Alas, blood will spill on ze land!" Thespio spoke in his best french accent. "Let us move and-" A familiar tune was heard. "Who posted this song in the wrong map!?" Sweetie Bloom asked. Their answer came as they saw Deadpool dancing to it. ♬Two to the one from the one to the three time for the killing... who's with me?♬ He teleported away, appearing next to Ink Rose, lighting her on fire with a flamethrower. ♬Your skill is jogging? Mine is burning! Well? Off to your dead shipping!♬ He held up a picture of her and Firebrand's ship pic befroe burning it away. ♬Three to the one from the one to the three no coffin can contain me.♬ He appeared right before AnY, lighting a fuse and exploding the stallion. ♬Merely finished what your liver started. The black German cyclops. Dominated!♬ He telported onto DrWolf's head with as he looked over the battlefield, making the wolf fall off the roof. ♬Giddy up now!... to hell. I murdered your toys as well.♬ Dr. Wolf's sentries blew up, with Deadpool landing next to Silverquill. ♬So many burns, so little time.♬ "Deadpool!?" Silverquill screamed. "Peekaboo! Now die!" He blasted fire at the hippogriff, making him run around, screaming his rooster noises. ♬Your precious devils won't save you now. Who will replace you? Anyone!♬ He popped right behind Voice of Reason in his Deadshot outfit, pushing the pony off. ♬You disgust me, Suicide squad man! Perhaps Rotten Tomatoes will help you kick the can!♬ Deadpool landed in the middle and danced with his team. ♬My mind is sharp My flames aren't bound My suit is fully retardant And I still look magnificent♬ ♬Two to the one from the snort to the FIRE! You handsome devil... Is everyone your desire?♬ ♬You know... hiding won't save you! I'm coming for you!♬ ♬Pyro to the point, and abracadabra! I will claim this point for Canada!♬ ♬Gentlemen, I make it look easy! Gentlemen, you forget about me?♬ He appeared right in front of Firebrand, showing a G3 version of the medic, causing the pony's eyes to burn and run in pain. ♬Does it hurt when I show some G3? Ahaha... go buy some bleach.♬ He threw an axe right at Eliyora's head, where she fell, and Deadpool leaned to her corpse ♬You are an embarrasment to Pyros everywhere! Just lay your weapons down and walk away.♬ Deadpool threw some haggis at Mad Munchkin, which released a foul gas, and exploded. ♬Oh, Munchkin, you die for honor! I'm going to puncture you like an old tire.♬ And when the Deadpool saw the breath of his achievement... he wept. For there were no more things to burn. All of the red team bursted in to Doctor Wolf's office. "Get rid of him!" Eliyora roared. "He's a nuisance!" "He brought up Firebrand and Our ship!" Ink Rose spoke. "He called me a German Cyclops!" AnY added. "He just HAD to bring up Suicide Squad." Voice added, throwing a DVD copy away. "Somehow, he mad Haggis a grenade." Munchkin groaned. "He burned me alive!" Silverquill added. Everyone gave him a deadpan look. "What? It hurts!" "Oh, we agree." Firebrand spoke, some rage building in his voice. "We very much agree." Dr. Wolf added in his serious voice. "We decided to call in the BIG guns for this." "Wait... you don't mean-!" Voice spoke with a stutter. "Indeed." Dr. Wolf pulled a cellphone out. "Hello... yes, it's an emergency..." The whole place was burning, with Deadpool in the middle, doing the Bruce Wayne Dance. Do we also have the song "Take on me"? by a-ha. Since we're doing the dance, why not? The floor shook, and, emerging through the flames, letting out a Godzilla roar, was Dr. Wolf's Brother, Teric Dragon. While he wasn't as big as Torch, he was still huge, easily about twice the size of Deadpool's height. "... Well, someone's overcompensating for something." Deadpool spoke. "Hey, it's not my fault I'm so huge." Teric replied. "Besides, I'm not alone." "Oh!? Who'd you bring?" A teleport sound from Dragon Ball was heard, and floating next to Teric made Deadpool s**t his pants... literally. It was Sub-Zero, and no, not the Mortal Kombat one, but Lightning Bliss's husband. "Hey, man," Sub-Zero spoke. "This the problem?" "Yep." Teric spoke. "He's been a nuisance, from what my brother told me." "I heard. Don't worry, Mr. Deadpool, since you didn't hurt my wife, I'll make it not as painless." They both realized he was was gone. They turned to see Deadpool running away as if he was in a GMod video, screaming his head off. "... Care to do the honors." "Indeed. Spirit bomb." In mere seconds, a giant ball of raw energy was made, held up by Sub-Zero's right hand. He threw the ball at Deadpool. A huge, silent explosion came from it, which was soon followed by the loud boom sound effect that made the flames go away, and some weak objects flying away. "Think that did it?" "Yeah. He's going to feel that when he regenerates." How to get remembered. Another EQG character: That one girlThe blast from Sub-Zero SOMEHOW had Deadpool teleport into the EQG world again, landing through the roof of the building and in the Yearbook computer room. Yelping in surprise was the Jolly Green Giant's and Freddy Kruger's daughter, Wallflower Blush. "Hey! I'm the only one that makes jokes like those!" Deadpool shouted with his voice cracking again. "Ah s**t! Puberty!!!" And landing besides him was Crazy and Stuffy in their own forms. "Whoo! I have a penis again!" "We've had one." "Uh... aren't you three wanted?" Wallflower asked, shaking. "Who's this again!?" "Ooh! She's a one time use antagonist/side EQG character!" "Her name is Wallflower Blush." "Wallflower Blush!?" Deadpool asked. "That sounds like a new weed I'd buy on the streets." "You... buy garden weeds?" Wallflower asked. "Oh come on! This is a high school, and you haven't seen any students here on drugs!?" "What are drugs?" Deadpool groaned. "This is based off of a Kid's show, so we can't expect too much adult content." "Oh, this is wrong, but having ponies rule over a planet for over who know how long and NEVER learning about another race's culture, but instead deems them as monsters that will kill everyone is alright!?" "... Have you gone full SJW?" "Nah! I'm just pointing out how racist everypony is... or is it sepeciesist?" "Hmm... I just got an idea!" Deadpool spoke. "But first," He turned to Wallflower. "Potflower!" "Wallflower." She corrected. "Wallmart! You want to be remembered!?" "Uh... I kinda am now, but-" "No 'buts'! We're gonna make you a star! Do you have a garden?" "Well, yeah, it's outside and-" He grabbed her. "To that garden! We're gonna make a lot of cash!" "C-cash!?" After a long month's of planting and experimenting, Wallflower's economic charts were up the chains as her gardening was turned into- "A flora shop!" Wait, what!? "We saw your obvious weed joke coming a mile away. And Wallflower isn't that type of girl. Treehugger, yes, but she's more of the Fluttershy type who spends more time with plants and raising them rather than smoke them." But... my joke... how- "I gave her shop 5 stars." Deadpool spoke. "All easy when you can bribe people away. But enough of that, take us back to the land of ponies! I hate being a human here! Humans suck!" But... you're still a human over there. "F**k you! I'm special over there!" Fine... Whoosh. Twilight sat down and, after using some dimensional spells, began to read Deadpool's comics. "Sheesh, you're really violent than I thought." She spoke to herself. The door slammed open and Deadpool entered. "You!" "Me!?" "Yes! I demand that the next season be like X-Men!" "... Meaning?" "You're progressive! But the good type of progressive! Not the progressive that Hollywood's shoving down everyone's throats and end up being even less progressive than they say they are." "... Uh... well.. I have plans to make this castle into a school. Share and teach the magic of friendship to all ponies around-" "NOT JUST PONIES!!! Let there be other creatures!" "Other creatures?" "Hippogriffs! Changelings! Yaks! Dragons! Griffons! All those creatures and more! The time of Equestria to finally open itse;f is upon us! People are already comparing Celestia to Trump! DO HEAR ME!?!?!? PEOPLE THINK CLESTIA IS TRUMP!!!" Author's Note Hello, Deadpool here to deliver you on a PSA about being progressive. See, most people think of me as the anti progressive person, and in much respect, I am, but to an extent. I'm not one to start a bunch of racial or sexual issues, not unless I'm the instigator in that situation, or the cameras are on me, but I will be the first to tell you that I do love a good message that's more subtle than forced down your throat. Like a lot of you, I'm tired on how Hollywood Execs have to announce that they're being progressive, but that's mostly because of how hard we think of a minor problem. Biggest point; the Emoji movie. Yeah, it's piece of s**t movie with a literal talking piece of crap in it, but people thought it was the end of the world, but it's really just a bland bad movie that more attention than it needed. Case in point, don't put too much effor on something you don't like. If you don't like it, then don't go see it. Be like me and watch it free on PornHub. Feel free to click on it right here... when it's back up, of course. Also, want more Deadpool in your life Feel free to join this loser's server on Discord! He's still new trying to organize everything and make everything work. https://discord.gg/EYdKQUT The New X-Force. Dragon #6, Hippogriff/Seapony #4/3, Griffin #5, Changeling # 4, Another Yak, and Ponies #229 and 230: Smolder, Silversteam,Gallus, Ocellus, Yona, Sandbar, and Neigh Say."NO!!! STOP!!! I OFFERED THE IDEA!!! I DIDN'T WANT TO GO!!!" Deadpool screamed as he was dragged by Princess Luna, who had her tired look. "For the last time," Luna spoke "You're going to attend Twilight's friendship school, learn everything, AND stop your shenanigans." "But the reader loves my shenanigans! Isn't that right?" "I don't care who your imaginary friends are, you're going to school! It's bad enough you hid the documents under the pile of filth that is your laundry and we're already a day late." "I am a full grown adult, and I don't have to take this bulls**t!" "If you do this, we'll roleplay whatever you want on the next vacation." "Deal!" Deadpool stood up and ran into Twilight's school of friendship... by crashing through the front door, leaving his silhouette in it like a cartoon character. Every student was in the main hall, who saw Deadpool walk in. He put on sunglasses. "Name's Wade Wilson, Deadpool as everyone calls me, and I'm here to f**k some classes up." "... Did we invite Deadpool here?" Starlight asked. Twilight pulled out her sheet, but had a wide eyed expression. "He's enrolled." "Hell yeah!" Deadpool yelled, leaning against one of the pillars. "Right here to show you guys how a real genius f**ks the education system in it's ass!" "Ooh! The education system's a donkey!?" A pale pink Hippogriff with a sky blue & pale sky blue mane spoke, flying to his face. "... Well, hello there. Who might you be?" "Ooh! The name's Silverstreak! I'm a Hippogriff, as you can see, but wow! You're actually Deadpool!? The hero of Equestria who defeated the Storm King!?" The crowd of ponies spoke to each other in amazement, now realizing who he was. "Ha! Defeated that guy? No, I did not... I f**king killed him in cold blood! No one, and I repeat, NO ONE, messes with my mooncheeks." Silverstreak squeezed Deadpool's cheeks. "I don't see any moons on there." How dumb is this girl? Considering the fact she's been underwater for who knows how long and had to make her own excitement with seashells... give her some slack. "I'm sure he means Princess Luna's butt, Silverstreak."A kinda nasal sounding guy spoke. Flying out of the way, and into Deadpool's face, was a blue griffin with a tan underbelly, yellow tipped feathers on his head, with same colored beak and talons. He squinted his eyes, getting a good look at Deadpool. "Hmm... you're not as scary looking as everyone says." "That's because I wear this mask." "Right... your face is that ugly?" "Oh yeah. But also sexy! And who might you be?" "Gallus." "Pool. Dead." "Make way!" A voice roared, pushing Gallus out of the way. In Deadpool's view was an orange dragon with a lighter underbelly, horns that pointed up like a bull's, but with purple fin going from her head to the back. "So, you're the same guy who beat up Garble & his friends, AND survived being eaten by Torch?" "And avoided a dropped subplot where Ember would be after me." He looked behind, seeing Ember disappear under a bush, but held up a sign that said 'I <3 U'. "You got lucky on those fights. Any other day, and you'd be burnt to a crisp." "And if MrAquino wasn't writing this, I would gut all of them and make myself a dragon scale armor like that from Skyrim." "... Heh, you're not so scary. Name's Smolder. Hope we can see if you are tough as you say." "NOOO!!! YONA FIGHT SMALL MAN!!!" A loud, but still young sounding, girly voice yelled. Stopping after a charge, and stomping her hoof, trying to look intimidating, but was adorable, was a small yak with pigtails. "Little man fought yaks with friends! Yona smash little man! Yak stronger than little man! Yona stronger!" "... Well, aren't you an adorable, little hulk?" Deadpool spoke, kneeling to get her height. "Yona not cute! Yona strong!" Deadpool simply rustled her mane. "D'aww! You're such a cutie!" Yona growled at him. A pale lime green colt with a short, unkempt aquamarine and cyan mane stood next to Yona. "Easy, Yona," He spoke with a somewhat surfer-like vibe. "We don't want another fight here, do we?" He turned to Deadpool. "Uh, s-sorry, Mr. Pool. Yona's learning how to control her anger so we won't have... well, another breakout." "Eh, I can trigger a lot of things. Guns are the easiest... they only have one trigger. Now, where's the last one!? It's a rule of 6 here in this world! Where's the last one?" "You mean Ocellus? She's behind you." Deadpool turned, only to be meet with himself. "... Oh my God! I'm gorgeous!" "Ocellus? There's no need to be afraid." Some blue flames erupted around the other Deadpool, revealing a cyan changeling with blue eyes, a transparent magenta fin & tail, and a red outer wing shell. "S-sorry." She spoke meekly, backing away a bit. "Y-you're my hero, D-deadpool." Deadpool's heart broke... literally. He had a heart attack. "HHHHNNNNNG!!!" He fell onto his back, dead. "... Great! Now I can't beat him up!" Smolder yelled. "Yona can't smash small man anymore!" Yona added. "Rainbow Dash?" Twilight asked. "I'm on it." Rainbow groaned, flying away, but returning with a baseball bat. She swung down onto Deadpool's nut, making the merc got up with a squeeze, going into a fetal position, and tearing up. "Ooh... right in the baby cannon." Twilight gave Deadpool a piece of paper. "There you go, Mr. Pool." She spoke with a smug look. "The classes you'll be attending. And I'm glad to see you're making new friends already." She walked away. Deadpool looked at his list. It was as he expected with any high school; dress making with Rarity, farming with applejack, animal care with Fluttershy, Comedy with Pinkie, and loyalty with Rainbow Dash. However, he paused as, at the very bottom, there was a class labeled 'Combat', with Deadpool being the teacher in the fields. "... Hey! What's up with the last bit?" Twilight stopped and looked back at him. "You'll find out soon enough. And you might like it more." Deadpool looked at the schedule with a confused look. Ooh! What if we're actually teaching these new students a thing or two about combat and make Equestria's own version of the X-Force!? ... I wouldn't be surprised. It was that. Deadpool went to the fields, seeing a note left for him at a shack. Dear Deadpool, It has come to my attention that... you're right. And before you start rubbing it in my face on how the canterlot guard is less than up to the task, Princess Celestia has requested me to make sure that the new students will find a class in which they will use what they learn in the field. I've seen how you are in combat, and while it's less than ideal, it gets the job done. And I've seen how, despite your violent tendencies, you're quite the gentle soul around kids, something I'm sure you saw with the students. Here's to hoping that you can train them well, and so they can train the next generation, and let Equestria have better security. Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle. Deadpool blinked, but opened the shack's doors. Inside was a pocket dimension filled with every weapon imaginable. A single tear fell down Deadpool's eye. "It's... beautiful..." The sounds of Footsteps approached behind him. He turned to see the new mane 6 behind him. Silverstreak looked excited, Gallus was too busy looking at his talons, Smolder had a claw on her hip with a disinterested look on her face, Yona looked like she was ready to fight, Sandbar looked around him, and Ocellus hid behind him. A smirk fell onto Deadpool's face. "So... seems I've become you're teacher, eh?" "Seems like that." Smolder replied. "Well... as your teacher, we'll be doing things under MY rules. There will be no whining, no surrender, and you will follow everything I say!" "Yeah, whatever." Gallus spoke. "Can we go now? Lunch is about to start." "Oh, you will. But here's my first order: Hit me." The simple line made everyone's eyes widened. "H-hit you?" Ocellus asked. "Oh... uh, I'm not so-" "YONA SMASH!!!" Yona yelled, charging at Deadpool with all her speed. Deadpool stood there, not even flinching. The Yak began to build up speed. Her horns, while blunt, looked to still deal damage. In mere seconds, before Yona could hit Deadpool, he teleported out of the way, leaving a boulder in his place. CRACK!!! The Boulder cracked in the middle before splitting into two. Yona looked around woozily, losing her footsteps. "Did Yona do good?" She asked. Deadpool returned with a simple boombox. "No." He replied bluntly. "And I said hit me!" He pulled a boombox out and pressed play. "To make this interesting... all of you attack me!" "Oh, he's so on!" Smolder replied, cracking her fists. "Let's get him!" "I'm with ya there!" Gallus added. "Me three!" Silverstreak yelled. All three flew after him. Deadpool teleported away into a tree. "Up here!" Gallus charged at him, only to be meet with the merc teleporting away, landing on the cloud in his Burt Reynalds resting pose. "Right here, birdbrain." Silverstreak flew up to him, with Deadpool telpeorting again, right near Smolder. "Come on! I said hit me!" "I've got it right here!" Smolder roared, flying to Deadpool, fire escaping out of her maw. Almost immediately, Deadpool grabbed Smolder out of the sky, slamming her to the ground, followed by grabbing her tail, spinning, and making her slam into a tree. "Faster! You were going as slow as a turtle!" He was tackled from Gallus from the behind. The griffin's talons clenched up into a fist. "Heh, I got you." He said with a snarky attitude. "あなたはすでに失ってしまった。" "What the-!?" Deadpool kicked Gallus off, jumping back up to his feet. The griffin was caught off guard, and followed by a flurry of punches from Deadpool across his face. "Muda Muda Muda Muda Muda!!!" Deadpool repeated, which ended with him jumping into the air and kicking Gallus in the face, making him role across the floor. Yona got into his view. "YONA NOT LOSE!!!" The Yak yelled, charging back at Deadpool. Clenching every muscle in his body, butt cheeks included, Deadpool stood his ground as Yona charged. He reached out and grabbed her horns, pushed back a bit, but held his ground. With both grunting, Deadpool began to push against Yona, who looked surprised by how strong he actually was. He jumped onto Yona's back, with the Yak running full speed, right into another boulder. The impact made Deadpool fly off, but he rolled across the floor, standing back up, near the pond. Silverstreak landed right in front of him. "Ha! I have the field advantage here! There's no way you can-" "Look! Something shiny!" Deadpool pointed. She looked behind. "Where!?" Deadpool took a rock and threw it in the pond. "Over there!" "Minemineminemine!!!" She flew into the water, turning into a Seapony. Sandbar ran to him, unsure as how to hit his teacher. Deadpool simply reached into his pocket. "Pocket sand!" Deadpool threw sand into Sandbar's eyes, who screamed. "My eyes!" He yelled, rubbing the sand away. Ocellus stood behind him. She turned into a goat and fainted. Smolder returned with some bark stuck to her scales, Yona, still dizzy, and Gallus with a bruised eye and some teeth. Silverstreak popped out of the water with a pirate's chest. "Look what I found!" She cheered. "Real treasure! Here! AHH!!! Can you believe it!?" She looked at everyone. "... Did I miss something?" "Oh yeah." Gallus replied. "A LOT." "Well, for your first day, you all failed." Deadpool spoke, pulling a clipboard out. "Smolder, you were too slow and relied too much on your brute strength. Yona, you need to slow down a bit and see where you're going. Gallus, you need to be more defensive than offensive. Silverstreak, you need to pay attention and not fall for old tricks. Sandbar... Ocelleus, you were too afraid." All students groaned as he pointed out their flaws... except Sandbar. "What did I do wrong, again?" He asked. "But, you all have room to grow. As a wise dog once said, suckin' at something is the first step to being sorta good at something. And I see that potential in all of you. Understand?" Various murmurs. "... Do we need a round two?" Everyone shouted their No's. "Another rule: You must be ready for what happens next, and be enthusiastic! When the time comes, not only will you be prepared, but you'll be MORE than prepared when the danger comes. You're no longer just a class of students hoping to get that good grade. You're all family; Brothers and sisters in combat, using your unique skills as a whole. Today, you will become... The X-Force! And now... let's do this montage. Cue the music." Inside a shack, all the students cocked their sniper rifle. Sandbar and Yona couldn't grasp their gun well, with Ocellus turning into Deadpool to fire away. With the exception of Silverstreak, everyone kept missing their targets. Deadpool took his measurements with each of the students, getting their correct size, and drawing concept ideas of what they'll look like, along with the class they'll be. All the students ran in, holding various assault rifles, attempting to fire at some targets. Both Yona and Sandbar kept dropping their guns, with Ocellus turning into Deadpool, but tripping constantly. Silverstreak had very little control in the recoil of her rifle, with her falling to the floor and shooting into the sky. Smolder broke hers. Only Gallus performed well, moving and shooting, with some flying around. All the students were given papers on what type of things they would like in their suit, with Deadpool drawing and throwing away some art that did not seem to their liking. An obstacle course was made for all to try to get through. Yona got stuck in one of the holes, Silverstreak and Gallus found themselves tangled in some rope, Smolder splashed around in the kiddy pool, with Ocellus constantly flying into a small bug zapper. Only Sandbar went through the obstacle course with some dirt on him. Deadpool sat in class, with Rarity teaching about the type of threads needed to make better dresses. He snored away, but was waken up as Rarity smacked him with a ruler. A stealth training was on, with the Taco squad acting as security. Yona was easily spotted, with everyone else following suit. Except for Ocellus, who appeared right before Deadpool as him, punching the merc across the face... right before turning back to normal and asking if he's alright. With the help of his Taco squad, Deadpool began to sew the new costumes, that his students would wear, but had some notes over him saying 'No Cute stuff or DC properties'. In a row, everyone pulled a heavy set of rocks as they were pelted with food. While Ocellus, Silverstreak, and Sandbar ran away, Smolder and Gallus stood their ground, but Yanna kept walking ahead, almost unfazed by the throwing food. All the students stood as Deadpool presented their costumes, all with an excited look across their faces. Everyone had grenade launchers. Sandbar and Ocellus were thrown right away after a grenade was fired. Silverstreak, Yona, and Gallus ran away after the explosions came. Only Smolder remained, who cackled away, blowing everything up around her. Various close up shots came as Silverstreak put on some goggles over her eyes, Gallus tied a bandana around his head, Yona put on a metal helmet, Smolder strapped on a mask, Ocelus simply put on a hoodie, and Sandbear put on a cap and a handkerchief. Inside the EEA headquarters, a grey coated unicorn stallion who looked a LOT like Dr. Strange, sat in his podium, looking out into the distance, seeing Twilight's friendship school. "Ugh, it's already been a month, and I can already sense the chaos that's going to happen." He spoke to himself. "When Equestria's enslaved, it will be I who told them they shouldn't have allow those... creatures to join." He was meet with Deadpool in front of his face. "Boo!" He shouted. "Gah!!!" He fell to the floor, but looked at Deadpool. "Oh, it's you. What business do you have? Shouldn't you be... oh, I don't know, try to make a genetic abomination with you and Princess Luna?" "I would, but I'm on a class field trip right now. And to present you Equestria's new, hopefully, top of the line squad that will do the dirty things you're too afraid of doing." "And what's that, exactly?" "Lights!" Small bits of glass broke as the lights above were shot, making the place dark. It was followed by an explosion above, making a hole in the roof. "What are you doing!? This is a building, not a-" The doors slammed open. Landing and walking in was Deadpool's class, similar to Mortal Kombat and Injustice 2's Character pack trailers. Gallas wore something that was similar to Rambo, with an ammo belt around his chest, holding an M4 Assault rifle in his talons. Silverstreak wore some goggles over her eyes, wearing a red, skin tight swim suit, but her claws, mane, and tail were free to move, as she had a .308 Calibre sniper rifle. Smolder wore a more asymmetric looking armor with her right arm more exposed than the other, having a more flame design to it, as she wore a gas mask and held a M32A1-MSGL. Sandbar entered, looking more normal as he had on a cap with a handkerchief, with a baseball bat strapped to his backpack. Yona walked in, shaking the floor, she was in metal armor that was spray painted red with black, which, also trapped to her back, were twin machine guns. Finally, Ocellus entered, turning into each other them, before revealing her true self, in which she was in a simple red and black hoodie. Deadpool landed in front of them. "This is the future, you god damn racist piece of s**t!" Deadpool gestured "The team that will be around to save your old ass from not just immediate dangers to Equestria, but dangers that threaten EVERYONE. We are the X-Force, and like it or not, we're here to stay!" "... Am I supposed to be impressed?" Cricket noises were heard. "Give me a second, kids. Get to your dorms." Deadpool pulled out a tattoo parlor needle. Celestia struggled to hold her laughter as Neigh Say stood in front of her with a tattoo on his forehead that, with some sloppy handwriting, read '#Racist', with some... well, naughty man parts around it. "Are you even listening!?" He shouted. "Oh, I am." Celestia replied, tearing up from her controlled laughter. "Then I demand you close the school down!" "... Sorry, it's not in my power to do so. A school can't shut another school, remember? EEA." "... I will have my revenge soon, Deadpool." "Nah, it looks nice." Deadpool spoke. Neigh Say turned to him, only to be flipped off as he disappeared. Author's Note Before any of you ask, no, this was not meant to be tied in with Deadpool 2. Before I heard news that there was going to be an X-Force, during the hiatus, I thought of the idea of the new characters in Season 8 should become Equestria's version of the X-Force. Now, I'll loosely base it around that. Catching up.... Hello? New chapter? You up? Uh... I don't mean to interrupt you, but we're being read right now. W-wha-!? Hey! Wade! Get off your lazy ass and do something funny and random! We're not actually a part of him anymore... at least not now. What? Then what's going on!? Nothing's going on. It's just us two... most likely floating in oblivion. Why though? Well, assuming the smell of marijuana from the reader and various shrines of Adolf Hitler right behind them, it's 4/20. Wait. What!? Yep. Today is 4/20, and- No, not that. Adolf Hitler was born on 4/20!? We've discussed this multiple times already! Hitler was born on April 20th! Uh... right... so... what are we going to do? I don't know... maybe put a PSA about the dangers of smoking weed? That sounds fun! Kids, smoke weed! It's good! NO!!! What the f**k!? It's not good! Right. Smoke weed after your brain is fully developed, so... when you're 25. No! We can't tell them that! Tell them the dangers of it! What dangers? Alcohol kills 88,000 people a year. Tobacco kills 480,000 people a year. But weed has never killed anyone! Not unless you count the drug dealers. And we as people have been doing it for a millennia. Excuse me!? Yeah. We grew it as a crop over 8000 years ago, in 440 B.C.E, Heraditous wrote about the ancient tradition of cannibus steam baths, and in America for many years, marijuana has been available for over the counter medication. Hell, weed was available for many years and no one cared about it. But... something must've changed, right? Easy: 1930's racism! People were afraid of Mexicans, most Mexicans smoked weed, weed was demonized. It's weird, true, and freaky. All... because of some racist a**holes? Yep! And the Government knew about it! They knew all the racist things about Marijuana was false. Scientists proved it didn't cause insanity or violence in the 40's. In fact, Nixon was supposed to cancel it, but since he was Nixon, he said no, and, as his ward quote: "We knew we couldn't make it illegal to be either against the war or black, but by getting the public to associate the hippies with marijuana and blacks with heroine, and then criminalizing both heavily, we could disrupt those communities. We could arrest their leaders, raid their homes, break up their meetings, and vilify them night after night on the evening news. Did we know we were lying about drugs? Of course we did." ... F**k... damn... wait a minute... has Wade been smoking weed!? ... Yeah. My sudden knowledge of everything, and you becoming the idiot, that must mean Wade is actually smoking weed with Tree Hugger! God damn it! That explains everything! And I thought by the title, we were going to see Mudbriar, Jackpot, Big Bucks, Apple Rose, Applesauce, and Goldie Delicious. If he were, then there would be the pound sign with the number and pony names. ... I hate it when you're right. Hey, that's 4/20 for you. Author's Note Headcannons galore! Pony #232-236: Jackpot, Big Bucks, Apple Rose, Applesauce, and Goldie Delicious.After that shoehorned in Fist of the North Star reference before Behind the Meme kills it and/or it's own popularity kills it, Deadpool healed up again, scratching out the ponies he wouldn't be able to get on his own. "How come I always lose to these ponies?" Because people hate it when we harm somepony that's innocent. Yeah. And with this writer's luck, people will downright boycott us! "All because I punch somepony in the face?" And worse. And worse. "F##k... well... what should we do?" Well, we have another day until we have to get back to teaching, so we should use today to do something- Let's go to Las Pegasus and become a male stripper! "Whoo! I can do the helicopter and impress ALL the mares!" ... Oh god... "But first... a little change to an episode." Deapool teleported away and into a blimp above... which had Granny Smith, Applerose, Applesauce, and Goldie Delicious. The merc had on a more... exposed outfit, with only a pair of underwear on him. Rainbow Dash, flying nearby, stopped and gagged at the sight of Deadpool in his stripper outfit. "So... who's the lucky mare?" He asked in a sultry voice. "Oh my, I do love a young man." Applesauce spoke with the bedroom eyes. And due to this scene being too disturbing, we will cut ahead to Las Pegasus, so... yeah. After a long, uncomfortable flight of Deadpool pole dancing to some elderly mares, they all landed in Las Pegasus. For being such a generous 'entertainer', the golden Hoseshoe gals made Deadpool one of their members with a white shirt that had the golden horsehoe, with a more open hat that had a green visor above it. He imagined what it would be like with the 4 mares when this story was over, something similar to The Golden Girls that they were based off of. But for the rest of the day, he just went with the mares on their hijinks, ignoring Dash's words in keeping them safe as he even knew they weren't babies. Though, he was surprised to see Rick and Morty here. However, his biggest surprise came in the dance club. While Apple Rose was making the danceclub her area, Deadpool spat his drink as he saw two stallion nearby. The first was a large, purple stallion with a suave looking mane & mustache, but the other looked like- "TRIXIE'S DAD!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled, tacking the magician. "What the-!?" He yelled. "Same coat, mane color, a magician... The headcannons are exploding everywhere!" He leaned closer to him. "Why did you leave her?" "Uh... who, sir?" "Trixie! Your own daughter!!!" "I... have no idea what you're-" Deadpool picked him up. "TO MAURY!!!" "In the case of this," Maury spoke, looking at papers, as Trixie sat across Jackpot, the Golden Gals and Big Bucks up front with the crowd. "Jackpot... YOU ARE THE FATHER!!!" The crowd cheered wildly as Jackpot and Trixie had a surprise look on their faces. Deadpool smiled away. "You see kids, this is where idiots go if they can't realize they can get a woman or pregnant, or a woman who keeps cheating on people to get those child support payments." Either practice safe sex, or be stable enough to handle a child. We should go and do our thing with Luna! Ain't no way she can get pregnant by us! "Heh, yeah. What's gonna happen? We have to raise an Anthro?" Author's Note Again, I didn't know what to do. Next chapter's gonna be more longer... or, at least, in the 1000 word category. Don't you forget about me. Hippogriff/Seapony # 5, 6, 7/ 4, 5, 6: Terramarr, Ocean Flow, and Sky BeakDown in the southern parts of Equestira lied the almost dormant mountain of Mt. Aris. With only a railroad that connects it to civilization, the lone mountain laid dormant, right in the ocean. Waves crashed along the beachlines, with seaponies splashing out, and Hippogriffs flying above, catching fish in their talons and beaks. Above it all, Skystreamer flew with Deadpool in her talons, who was looking down with a pair of binoculars. "I can't wait for you meet my family, Professor Deadpool!" Sky squawked. "My dad will be so proud when he hears that I'm your sniper and underwater expert!" "Yeah, yeah, that's nice." Deapool nonchalantly replied, seeing his target: a recently changed white feather/furred hippogriff with a blue 'Hair' and 'tail' "Alright, when I say the magic word, you're gonna drop me." "Why would I do that? Is there any reason for-" "Stairs." "Stairs!? Where!?" Skybeam released Deadpool as she looked around for stiars. Deadpool faced down to the floor, falling through the sky like a torpedo. Did we pack a parachute before leaving? No, why? Just as the hippogriff dried himself off, Deadpool fell into the sand with many loud cracks, his bones breaking from the impact, with his body rolling across the floor. In seconds, his limbs were all misplaced, bones bent in ways they shouldn't be, and gallons of blood pouring outwards, making a puddle on the sandy beach. The hippogriff boy gasped loudly before rushing to him. "Oh my gosh! Are you alright, sir!?" He asked, clearly in a stake of panic. "Hello!? Anyone! We need serious help here!" "Come... closer... little one." Deadpool wheezed. The Hippogriff leaned closer, sweating a bit. "Y-yes, sir?" Deadpool reached up and placed his right hand over the Hippogriff's cheek. "... You're cuter than I thought you'd look like." "... What?" "Hee ya!" Deadpool snapped his arms and legs back in place. The Hippogriff screamed and flew up, watching Deadpool snap his head back in place, with his body going back in place. Various Hippogriffs flew over, but stopped in shock as Deadpool got up, after having his body be all broken like a ragdoll. "Behold! It is I, Deadpool, the one who defeated the Storm King in a mono-e-mono battle... with a grenade launcher to his face after he broke his bones after I pushed him down over the edge." The crowd spoke to each other, some in awe, others in fear. "Though, to be fair, I don't really see why you all considered him to be the biggest threat of Equestria. Guy barely had enough screen time and died like a b***h, similar to Snoke in the Last Jedi, but without the huge fan backlash. Anywho..." He grabbed the Hippogriff child. "Aren't you the most sweetest, wittle wepwesantation of a child going through a divorce?" "Uh... what's a divorce?" Deadpool's face went Deadpan, holding up a sign that had a donkey wearing a dunce cap before throwing it to the side... with the sound of a window crash and someone yelling 'My Leg!' "Your parents are separated, aren't they?" "Well... yeah, but-" "And are they meeting some other Hippogriff or Seapony?" "Uh..." "Hi Terry!" Silverstream spoke, landing nearby. "Ooh! Professor Deadpool! Meet my brother, Terramar!" "We met." Deadpool replied. "And I must say, your sister's doing really great as the team's sniper!" "Sniper!?" Terramarr asked. The crowd parted as large, sky blue hippogriff with a silver-white mane and tail landed. "Terramar! Silverstream! Heh, what are you both doing here?" "Hi, dad!" Silver chirped happily. "Professor Deadpool wanted me to introduce you all to him." "Oh? He did?" Sky Beak turned to Deadpool, extending a claw to him. "It is such an honor to meet you, Mr. Pool." Deadpool accepted the gesture. "Glad to make your acquaintance." He answered. "I must say, your daughter's doing a great job as Equestria's X-Force's sniper." "X-Force? Sniper?" "It's such a cool team, Dad!" Silver answered. All my friends are in it!" "And trust me, I learned my lesson from the LAST X-Force I had." Deadpool replied with a wink. "Your daughter's gonna come back all fine." "... What are you getting at?" Sky Beak asked, his outgoing personality turned sour. "Just watch. Silver!" Silverstreak saluted. "Present, arms!" She took out her sniper, twirling it as she cocked it. Deadpool grabbed some shells and threw it into the sky. "Fire!" Silverstreak, without even through the scope, fired into the sky, making the shell shatter into pieces. The loud bang made the Hippogriffs fly away in fear, with only Terramarr and Sky Beak with them, staring in complete shock. "Ooh! Did I do a good job?" She asked. "Indeed." Deadpool leaned on Sky Beak's side, who was as still as a statue. "Like I said, Mr. Beak, she's a great asset to the team. Just wait in the far future; your subjects will be excellent with Sniper rifles, delivering quick headshots to all your enemies, and leading them all is Silverstreak. Waddya say?" Sky Beak stared. Terramarr shook off and noticed his still father. "Uh... I think he's stuck in shock." He spoke. "... God Dammit. Oh well, time to see your mom, Silver. And probably the only time I will turn into Aquaman." "You've never turned!?" Silver Stream and Terramar asked in unison. "Uh... not really. I turned into a Breezie, but nothing underwater related." "Ooh! Let me help!" Silverstreak jumped onto Deadpool's back. "Ugh, fine. Let's see your mother." Deapool walked into the water, the cold already making him shiver. "God damn cold water!" "Change time!" With a glow from her necklace, Silverstreak and Deadpool turned into Seaponies... well, she did, Deadpool turned into a Merman. His legs turned into a fish's tail, and his shirt was gone, exposing his cancer skin. Terramar followed, turning into a seapony, as Deadpool poked at his own skin "Hey! Where'd my shirt go!?" "Why do you ask?" Terramar asked. "It's called fashion... and I hate having my cancer ass skin be shown to public eyes, not unless it's private with some girl I know." He bounced his eyebrows suggestively. "Uh... right... if you follow me, we can-" "Race ya!" Silverstreak interrupted, swimming away "Hey!" "No fair! I win races!" Deadpool added, swimming after Silverstreak. Terramarr sighed and swam after them. The locals of Seaquestria stopped and watched as Deadpool and Silverstreak swam around. It wasn't just because their student was back, but seeing a cancer filled merman swim with only his mask on. Swimming out and seeing them swim was Ocean Flow. "Silverstream!? What are you doing here?" She asked in shock. Silverstream stopped and swam to her mom. "Hi mom!" She replied. "I was just showing professor Deadpool here and-" Deadpool swam up to Ocean Flow's face. "Who you dating now!?" He asked. Ocean Flow looked rather surprised. "Uh... hello there," she replied. "Are you Silverstream's teacher." "Indeed. Now, who are you cheating on for Sky Beak?" Terramarr swam up between the two adults. "Uh, sorry mom," Terramarr apologized. "Professor Deadpool said that you and dad are going through something called a 'divorce'" Ocean Flow gasped, delivering a quick slap to Wade's face. "How can you assume that!?" She demanded. Deadpool rubbed his cheek. "... Isn't it obvious, ma'am? You're not with your husband anymore, despite him being a successful royal guard that I'm certain is better than Celestia's Storm Troopers. Literally, you're a split family... unless you want to be like the main theme for Tarzan." He looked behind and screamed at a rock. "Get out of here, Phil Collins!!!" Phil Collins went back under his rock. Wade turned back to Ocean Flow. "Afterall, if you're not cheating on anyone... then perhaps we can... Shoo-be-doo?" Ocean Flow, Terramar, and Silverstream gasped. "... What?" "You said the ancient curse word." Terramarr spoke. "The word we must never mutter!" "... Shoo-be-doo?" They screamed. "He said it again!" Silverstream screamed. Shoo-be-doo's a swear word? They seem to really avoid G1. Deadpool smiled under his mask, swimming behind them. "Shoo-Be-Doo!" He yelled. The three swam to the entrance of Seaquestria, all with Deadpool following after them, repeating Shoo-be-doo. After a chase, all three breached the waters, Terramarr and Silverstream turning into their Hippogriff forms, though Ocean Flow and DP were still in their aquatic forms. Deadpool exaggerated his fish form, flopping on the beach water, making loud gasping noises. Ocean Flow jumped and held onto the still Sky Beak. "Help me!" She screamed. Her screaming snapped Sky Beak out of his trance. "... Oh, hello, Ocean Flow! What's the-?" He asked before being interrupted by Deadpool. "Shoo-be-doo." Sky Beak gasped, grabbing DP by his tail, and, with very powerful spins, launched Deadpool in the sky. Silverstreak followed. "Wait! I don't want a bad grade on my report card!" Both Ocean Flow and Sky Beak looked at each other. "... Should we have a house here?" Sky Beak asked. Ocean Flow only blushed. "I think that will work." Deadpool landed back in his house. Silverstreak landed nearby, turning into her seapony self, touching Wade's head, and both back to their original forms. "Are you ok?" She asked. Deadpool leaned back. "Better." He answered. "Now your parents are back together." "...What?" "Simple solution; have them see me as an enemy and beat me up. Not according to plan, but, eh, it works." "... Will this affect my grade?" "Nah. I thought it was fun." Silverstreak gave him a deadpanned look. She took her sniper out and fired into Deadpool's head, leaving a clean hole in it. "That's for saying the forbidden curse word... Shoo-be-doo." She turned and flew away. Author's Note Back at it again with the next chapter! I'll include some stuff from Deadpool 2 here, but not immediately. Attractive parents. #237 and 238: Stellar Flare and Firelight"Oh yes, this is the place!" Deadpool spoke as he walked solo, following the train tracks. Where are we going? Where do you think? Oh... why aren't we using the train? How long do you think it takes MrAquino to make a new chapter? "Ha! Not as slow like he is with Flutter-Topia." He stopped as he was at the train stop. Turning to his right was a stone wall, with, near the gates, was a sign that was written in Pony language. What does it even mean!? Sire's Hollow. How did you-!? Deadpool pushed the gate open. "Welcome to Sire's Hollow!" A cheerful mare's voice echoed through some speakers. "There's out cue!" Deadpool spoke, walking in, right before being stopped by a blue-gray mare in a purple dress. "Essence?" She asked. "Uh... sorry miss, I don't-" She sprayed in Deadpool's face. The spray was a sudden to the merc, as he fell to the floor. "AHH!!! MY EYES!!! I'M BLIND!!! I'M BLIND!!!" Ooh! Smells like Vanilla! Really? "What did we just discuss!?" The sounding mare from the gate's speakers spoke, trotting near the blinded Deadpool and the essence pony. "We don't spray in anypony's faces! Only at their chest and back of the head!" "But how will they smell it, Ms. Flare?" Another puff sound was made, followed by the other mare coughing hard. Deadpool's vision came back a bit blurry, seeing the mare that was with him looked a bit like a darker colored, older, and- "Holy crap! You're hot!" The mare rubbed her eyes, seeing Deadpool. "Oh, I am so sorry for that, sir! I've been trying to change the ways we've been offering essence towards others without-" Deadpool slid on the table, knocking all the essence bottles to the floor, in his seductive pose. "Ah, but mon petit bouton de rose, just by the sight of you alone, I know you're already a strong, independent woman who doesn't say that to brainwash the audience in believing you are, but even I know you need a man in your life." The mare stared blankly. "... Have we... met before?" "Not yet." Deadpool took a rose out. "Ze name's Deadpool, but you can call me... anytime." The mare blushed a bit. "Uh... i-it's quite flattering, really, but the name's Stellar Flare, and I need you to pay for that stuff or-" She tried to push him off, but instead, music was heard, as the world went dark with red lighting around, as Deadpool was only in his underwear, a glass of wine in his right hand with a rose in the other. Oh, you touch my tralala Mmm, my ding ding dong... It was then that Deadpool got up and did some pelvic thrusts, the bulge in his underwear on full display. Stellar Flare slowly backed up, as the mares around started to sing along, while shaking their tails in rhythm. All the mares made a straight path, with their tails in full view of Stellar and Deadpool Oh, you touch my tralala La lalala lalala... Mmm, my ding ding dong La lalala lalala... Stellar tried to run away, but bumped into Deadpool Deep in the night I'm looking for some fun She turned to run, but dumped into Deadpool again Deep in the night I'm looking for some love She backed away De-de-de-deep in the night I'm looking for some fun Deep in the night I'm looking for some- Stellar gave an angered look before clearing her throat. You tease me Oh, please me I want you to be my love toy Come near me, don't fear me I just can't get enough of you, boy Oh, you touch my tralala La lalala lalala... Mmm, my ding ding dong La lalala lalala... Oh, you touch my tralala La lalala lalala... Mmm, my ding ding dong (my ding ding dong) La lalala lalala... Soon, it was just Deadpool and Stellar surrounded by mares all in a circle, their plots in the air, waving in unison, almost asking for DP to pleasure them, but the merc was busy dancing in unison to Stellar Flare... all with Sunburst staring in the distance, right eye twitching. Deep in the night I'm looking for some fun Deep in the night I'm looking for some love You tease me Oh, please me I want you to be my love toy Come near me, don't fear me I just can't get enough of you, boy Oh, you touch my tralala La lalala lalala... Mmm, my ding ding dong La lalala lalala... Oh, you touch my tralala La lalala lalala... Mmm, my ding ding dong La lalala lalala... (My ding ding dong) Mmm, my ding ding dong La lalala lalala... Mmm, my ding ding dong La lalala lalala... Oh, you touch my tralala La lalala lalala... Mmm, my ding ding dong La lalala lalala... Oh, you touch my tralala La lalala lalala... Mmm, my ding ding dong (my ding ding dong) La lalala lalala... Oh, you touch my tralala La lalala lalala... Mmm, my ding ding dong La lalala lalala... Oh, you touch my tralala La lalala lalala... Oh, you touch my tralala Mmm, my ding ding dong... The near pornographic scene ended with all mare passing out from exhaustion, along with Stellar Flare in the process. Sunburst, too shocked for words, fell like a statue. Deadpool just blinked at the sight. "Huh... guess Günther was too much for them." Oh man! Wait until Luna hears about this! Let's NOT have Luna hear about this. "Yeah... guess I was overreacting to how the fandom sees Stellar Flare as the hottest Milf in the show." "What's going on here!?" A somewhat more cheery sounding stallion spoke, walking in. Deadpool turned to see a purple stallion unicorn with a turquoise-white striped mane in a red vest. He looked surprised. "Oh my gosh! Deadpool! You came to visit our town!?" "... I did." Deadpool replied, quickly done ordering the Moby Huge for Stellar. "Ooh! If that's Sunburst's mom, then you're Starlight's dad!" "Aww, did my wittle bunny sent you here?" "Eh, nah, I wanted to see you both in the flesh." He looked down at Stellar's unconscious body "And she's gonna get more than needed." "Ooh! That must be one of those 'slang words' you love to use. Care for some tea?" "Absolutely!" Starlight Glimmer entered her old house, Sunburst's frozen state in a wagon nearby, to get some answers. She walked in, but gasped at what she saw. "Dad! What are you doing!?" She demanded. Sitting on the couch together, Deadpool and Firelight looked through old photos together. "Just showing our guest your old baby photos, pumpkin wumpkin." Firelight answered. "Aww! Look at her in those wittle booties!" Deadpool cooed at the image of a baby Starlight Glimmer wearing small boots. "Hehehe, indeed, she's so adorable." Starlight blushed so hard, she could've turned into Twilight with a different mane. "Dad! Not in front of Deadpool!" She begged. "But look at you!" Deadpool showed Starlight her old Goth phase. "You look like every Nightmare before Christmas fan at a Hot Topic, only not as cringe worthy." "Deadpool!" "What!? It's a compliment! Besides, I've got Hot Topic fans of myself now. I hope none of these readers send money to MrAquino to help him buy more Deadpool products and/or to show how much they support him about as much as a stop-motion picture that really wasn't directed or produced by Tim Burton." An awkward silence. "... Who's Tim Burton?" Firelight asked. "Hot Topic's god." Author's Note Lucky me, since we're in the midseason hiatus, I can catch up with some more chapters... don't tell Wade we're a season and a half away until it all ends. Just like Dr. Who, he hates endings. A changing special.The moon hung over Equestria. About everypony was fast asleep, with a few exception. Deadpool had rented out Ponyville's outdoor theater and had a play that he and his students would star in, but unbeknownst to them, Wade had a special guest. And while to the us, the readers, it's a bit on the late side, Deadpool had heard about the news of Spike's puberty, and the specific change that had happened to him. In a way, it's Deadpool's praise to the little dragon for growing up, and while being the butt of many jokes, will undoubtedly grow up to be the best butler to Twilight. Deadpool snuck into Spike's room, the dragon asleep in his bed, snoring away. With a simple string, Deadpool held a single gem over Spike's face. Spike, with a few sniffs, murred a bit in his sleep. "Mmm... Sapphire..." He drooled a bit, halfway waking up and falling back asleep. His tongue wrapped around the gem, taking the bait. Deadpool yanked back, making Spike wake up with a scream. "W-wha-!? Deadpool!? What are you-!?" "You got your wings!" Deadpool interrupted before squealing like a fangirl. "AHHH!!! I didn't think it would happen, but you got your wings! You're no longer a baby! You're a teenager!!!" "Uh... thanks... but if you excuse me, I need to go back to sleep and-" Deadpool grabbed Spike and ran through the door. "Not yet! We've got a show to do!" "Show!?" Spike saw how the world became a blur as Deadpool ran with him in arms. Looking down, Spike noticed Deadpool was wearing high heels. "Uh... what's with the-?" He was interrupted as Deadpool placed a tuxedo on his body. "... Is this necessary?" "Oh, it is." "... I'm gonna regret this." Ponies and other creatures have gathered across Equestria to see the show Deadpool had, hearing it's one of the most fabulous thing they'll see... and by most fabulous, really, 'you better come here or I will do to you what I did to Tirek'. Ember, Thorax, Ruthford, Grandpa Gruff, Queen Novo & Princess Skystar, along with the alicorns, all sat alongside their subjects. On the stage, Ocellus had changed herself into Céline Dion, standing in the center of the stage, with the rest of the students behind her. Gallus was on the piano, Smolder and Yona were on the Cello, with Silverstreak and Sandbar on the violin. Practically kicked into stage and sliding, stopping next to the disguised Ocellus, was Spike. "Hit it!" Deadpool's voice yelled. "Just like we practiced!" Gallus took a deep breath before he began to press the keys. Ocellus cleared her throat before singing ♬What's left to say? These prayers ain't working anymore Every word shot down in flames What's left to do with these broken pieces on the floor? I'm losing my voice calling on♬ A camera showed Deadpool in a dramatic shot before getting up. ♬'Cause I've been shaking I've been bending backwards till I'm broke Watching all these dreams go up in smoke♬ ♬Let beauty come out of ashes Let beauty come out of ashes And when I pray to God all I ask is Can beauty come out of ashes?♬ That's when Deadpool strolled right out... wearing high heels. Everyone looked at him in confusion, ♬Can you use these tears to put out the fires in my soul? 'Cause I need you here, woah♬ Deadpool began to dance a bit, showing how flexible he was, and how fabulous he looked in high heels. ♬'Cause I've been shaking I've been bending backwards till I'm broke Watching all these dreams go up in smoke♬ It was then that Deadpool picked up the confused Spike and did a series of ballet dances, most of which looked sexual. ♬Let beauty come out of ashes Let beauty come out of ashes And when I pray to God all I ask is Can beauty come out of ashes?♬ ♬Can beauty come out of ashes?♬ There was a pause, followed by a roar of applause. To Equestria, it was one of the most beautiful performances they had seen, even if Deadpool danced around in high heels. The celebration stopped abruptly as the entire stage exploded. Right in the old castle of the sisters, a pair of binoculars watched the explosion, followed by a snicker. "And that's how the X-Force ended." A small, adorable sounding filly's voice spoke, pulling out a walkie talkie. "The job is done. Deadpool's still gonna be around, but his team is gone." Some chatter. "Of course he doesn't suspect a thing, nopony does." More chatter. "Golly! That's a lot of bits! I'll be sure to get rid of the evidence." She hung up the walkie, right before being blinded by some flashlights. Her eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness, seeing that flashing her was Deadpool and the rest of the X-Force, all fine. "Wow, she's behind this!?" Gallus asked in disbelief. "And she's only a filly!" "And you wonder why dragons don't trust ponies." Smolder spoke to Sandbar. "I have no input in this." Sandbar spoke back. "What the-!?" The filly asked, looking around. "But how-!? How did you-!? Was that-!?" "It was holograms, Cozy glow." Deadpool answered sternly. "And besides, practically everyone in the brony fandom theorizes you're much more important in this season." "What!? How!?" Cozy asked in shock. "Crying outside and needing help from the Cutie Mark crusaders AFTER they were rejected from Twilight's school of friendship, mistaking the element of magic for control, making a series of evil smiles, purposely failing your test and knowing the writers would hit Twilight with the idiot stick, and, just by your looks, you look like a mix of Darla from Cats can't Dance and Baby Doll from the Batman animated series. But the biggest one of all! Your cutie mark, a chess piece, the rook. You're not the true leader behind this, but you are the brains behind this operation. Tell me who your boss is, and don't you play stupid with me! I have ways on making you talk." Cozy Glow eyed Deadpool, but smirked. "And what will you do? You can't possibly hurt a child, not even if it's for punishment." "Like I said, I have other ways." The doors opened and two other ponies walked in. Cozy's pupils shrunk in size. "Mom!? Dad!?" "Cozy! You better not be planning on taking over the world again! Or you're grounded!" Her dad yelled. "No! Please! Don't! I'll do anything!" "Then tell us who you're working for!" Deadpool demanded. "... I'll do anything else!" "Anything else?" The X-force all sat down in the field, with Deadpool walking in. "Alright team!" He announced. "It's time to welcome our newest member of the team!" Some squeaks were heard, and Cozy glow came out, wearing a Teddiursa costume, where each stepped released a squeak. The team giggled at the sight, with Cozy having a look of contempt on her face. "My boss is going to kill you all, painful and slowly." She growled. Deadpool pulled out his phone. "Shall I call your parents again?" Cozy immediately put on a fake smile and waved. "Glad to be a member of the X-Force! This is going to be a GREAT time for all of us!" Author's Note A-ha! This is pony #239! Cozy glow has, through a bibe, join the X-force! You'll see what will happen next... assuming the show does say she's evil, but in any case, we'll just have to wait for the next half of this season. Spooky Scary Skeletons. Ponies 240 & 241, Dragon #6, and The kirin: Rolling Thunder, Short Fuse, Sludge, Autumn Blaze, and RainshineGallus approached Deadpool's house, being really concerned. His professor had been gone for a long time, and with it being Nightmare Night, he wanted to be sure that Deadpool was alright. Standing near his professor's house, Gallus knocked on the door. "Uh... Professor Deadpool?" He asked. "You alright?" There was no answer. He knocked a bit more. "Professor?" The door opened with a loud creak. Inside, Deadpool's house was dark, with only a silhouette of Deadpool at the far end of the hall. Gallus nervously entered. "Deadpool? You ok?" "... Who enters my domain?" Deadpool asked in a raspy voice. "It's me, Gallus, remember?" He walked in. "You've been gone for a long time, sir. Cozy Glow has been getting on Twilight's good side, and we're unsure if you can-" As soon as Gallus flicked on the lights, he jumped back and screamed at the sight of Deadpool. His teacher was a zombie! "What?" Deadpool asked. "D-Deadpool! You're... you're-!" Gallus stuttered. "Oh... right... I'm a zombie." "How did you-!?" "I honestly don't remember, but in case you're wondering, I'm following the Marvel Zombies logic of the only way for me to keep my sanity and not devour anyone close to me is to lock myself off from the rest of the world and wait until the hunger has worn off. And so far, it's been working. Of course, I had to keep myself entertained." He pointed up. Gallus looked up, seeing sausages, tied to strings, were on the rooftop. "Now, if you excuse me, I'm trying to be creative." Deadpool began to bang on an electric keyboard in front of him, singing about sausages.. Gallus got annoyed, slapping Deadpool across the face. His professor shook himself. "Oh god! That's the last time I watch Freddy Got Fingered At FNAF. What was I doing?" "You rambled on how you're trying not to eat people." "Oh yeah... and I was waiting for MrAquino to make a new chapter following the rest of this season. You hear me! You did this!" "Right... well... at least you're back to normal... kinda. Are you going to find a cure for this?" "Maybe. It's hard to tell. I could be a zombie like this for the rest of this fic, or, more than likely, Luna's gonna burst in, curing me of this disease, and wants me to have sex while I try to show her my collection of Bionicles." "... You lost me." The sounds of screaming was heard from outside. "Oh great! We've got commotion." Deadpool got up, before his torso fell right off his legs. "Deadpool!" "I'm alright... hold up... I think I remembered what happened during that hiatus..." Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo argued as the latter was in a black and green outfit, standing alongside Lightning Dust. However, Deadpool entered. "Hold up!" He shouted. "Scootaloo, as much as I think it would be cool for you to do this, I gotta side with Dash on this one. You're just a kid." "I'm not a kid!" Scootaloo shouted. "I can handle this!" "Oh yeah? Watch." Deadpool got on the scooter. I admire we're trying to be a role model, but this? This is totally gonna be f**king rad! "GO!!!" Deadpool was blasted away by the rocket on Scootaloo's scooter. Going at near turbo speeds, Deadpool was launched into the sky by the ramp... the rocket exploded, showering the entire crowd with Deadpool's blood, guts, and severed limbs. On the side lines, Short Fuse and Rolling Thunder only stared with a look of fear. Landing next to Ocellus was Deadpool's head, causing the changeling to scream. "What? Not a fan of Shakespeare?" He asked. Ocellus screamed loudly, flying away. "Ok... I'm outta here!" Rolling Thunder exclaimed in her Australian accent. "Wait for me!" Short Fuse yelled "Get back here you son of a-!" "... I should apologize to Ocellus." Deadpool spoke to himself. "Hello! Focus!" Gallus snapped his claws at Deadpool. The merc saw the entire town was under attack by living skeletons. Each skeleton caused havoc, running around, clanging their bones around, stealing cartons of milk and literal cows with them, and delivering awful skeleton puns. "Oh! Skeletons... granted, it's not zombies, but still, we've got some Army of Drakness vibes around here." "Yona need help!" The titular yak yelled, blasting her machine guns at the skeletons. "I know something that can help!" Ocellus spoke, turning into a lion. She roared, making some skeletons in front of her tremble and turn into a pile. "Ooh! A lion!" Deadpool spoke. "That reminds me of another small bit I had during this hiatus." In the Peaks of Peril, there laid a village of lion-dragon-pony hybrids. The Kirin, as everyone seemed to know now. All the kirin were able to talk, but in this case, they had another special guest. Rainshine, the leader of the Kirin (noted by her being the tallest out of all of them), rested away, humming away, before hearing the sound of a cart rolling along. She looked outside of her house to see that Deadpool rolled out a cart, wearing a straw hat with white robes. Autumn Blaze approached his cart first. "Oh wow! A new visitor! Hi, I'm Autumn Blaze, welcome to my village." "Hi there, young one." Deadpool spoke in a stereotypical Chinese accent. Oh, we weren't gonna be racist! Oh Herro! "I sense something from you." Deadpool continued, right before pulling a gong and banging it loudly, with the Chinese note playing afterwards "You wish to learn the ways of Kung Fu, yes? Or some fried rice, yes?" "Uh... the rice sounds nice, sir. My name is-" "Your name is Autumn Braze, yes?" "It's... blaze, but yes. And you might be?" "The hero of the rand of Equestria." For the love of us, stop that accent. You need a sense of humor. "Oh... Deadpool." Rainshine spoke, approaching to the counter. "Everyone, please, ignore him. He's just an annoying figure." "Annoying!?" Deadpool shouted. "How dare you say that, miss! And how would you know!?" "I have my sources." "Yeah right! Name something I like." "Princess Luna." "What the-!? Alright! What do I think of your kind?" "We're cute." "Son of a-! Alright, what color is my underwear?" "White, but since you never wash it, it's brown and yellow." "... Dammit! Alright, the biggest one... what is so hot it's cool, but is so cool, it's hot?" "Poptarts." "... CHEATER!!!" He pulled out his swords. "I challenge you to Mortal Kombat!" The crowd gasped. "... Eh, I win already." "Win!? How!? You didn't even-!" Rainshine turned into her Nirik self and delivered a hard uppercut to his nuts. Deadpool squealed loudly as he flew into the sky. "MY BAAAAAAALS!!!" "... And that, my subjects, is why we control our anger." "Man... I hope the Kirin return next season." Deadpool spoke. "Deadpool, we captured the guy as we said." Sandbar spoke. The merc saw that they were in a warehouse of sorts, and tied up was Sludge the Dragon. "... Holy s**t, I'm gonna enjoy this." Deadpool pulled out his set of torture tools. "Hey! What's going on here!?" Sludge yelled. "Why are these so many creatures here!?" "Can it, Sludge!" Smolder quipped. "You've got something we want!" "I don't know what you're talking about!" "You'll understand." Deadpool spoke, pulling out some pliers. "Afteralll... we need to know, how the skeletons are arriving." "I don't know! Magic? A virus!? I don't know! Let me go!" "Ah... poor choice of words." Deadpool shoved a Metal pole in Sludge's mouth, keeping his jaws opened. "Ooh! I see a loose tooth here! Lets's see if it'll come out." Deadpool used the pliers and clamped onto one of Sludge's back teeth. Sludge screamed in pain as he felt a tooth of his being ripped out from behind. With a hard yoink, Sludge's back came right out in a bloody mess! "Ooh! I can get a lot of bits from the Tooth Fairy with that!" Silverstream spoke, taking the tooth away. Sludge teared up, but not before Deadpool took the pole out. "What do you want!?" Sludge begged. "I'll tell!" "Who's raising the skeletons!?" Deadpool demanded. "I-I think it was someone in ponyville! Yeah! A pony!" "Which pony!?" "I don't know! They all look the same!" "Poor answer!" Deadpool pulled a car battery out with a pair of tongs. "Even though you're a dragon, you got a serious case of moobs. Let's give you some nipples!" Deadpool shoved the tongs onto Sludg's breast areas, making the dragon squeal in pain. After a few seconds, Deapool pulled out the prongs, revealing 2 burnt marks on Sludge's underbelly. "Whoo! A beautiful pair of nips! Care to tell us now!?" "Please! It's a filly! A pegasus filly! She goes to this school!" "Uh huh? Any more descriptions?" "That's all I know! Please!" Deadpool turned and pulled out a gas canister. He kicked Sludge to the floor, the chair's legs breaking, but Sludge was still strapped in. "Here's a little lesson I learned in Guantanamo Bay: this is the closest thing to a bath, as well as a day at the beach." Deadpool placed a wet towel over Sludge's face. The dragon attempted to use his fire breath, but Deadpool poured the containments into Sludge's face, making him drown. "Yeah! Waterboarding! AKA, the idiot's surfing guide if they've never heard it." After what seemed like a minute, Deadpool took the towel off and pushed Sludge to the ground, allowing him to breath, puking out the containments. "What was that!?" He cried. "My p***." Deadpool picked up a sledge hammer. "Now, are you going to say who it is?" "Cozy Glow! It's Cozy Glow! Please, I'll cooperate!" "Aw... good boy... so, shall we all get back to school?" "Alas, after so many months, you are finally completed!" Cozy Glow spoke in the basement of the school of Friendship. The doors were kicked open and the X-Force entered. "Cozy Glow!" Deadpool shouted. "How can you do this!? How can you let skeletons cause havoc with their skeleton puns!?" Cozy Glow only had a smile. "Oh, you're such an idiot, aren't you all?" She flew around the covered creation. "It's called a Distraction for a reason. I'm about to unveil my newest creation, one that even you cannot beat." She flew to a lever and pulled out. Huge sparks of Electricity went off, as the creation glowed with an eerie red, forming the silhouette of a centaur that towered over everyone. "No... it can't be..." Sandbar spoke. "It's a cyborg!" Silverstream and Ocellus shouted. "It's Tirek!" Gallus and Smolder yelled. "No, it's..." Yona added. "CYRIK ACTIVATED!!! EXTERMINATION IN PROCESS!!! "Holy s**t... That's awesome." Deadpool complimented. "But you forgot one thing, Cozy. We have the power of music! ... And these students are the Elements of Harmony 2.0, but f**k it, get the instruments ready." Gallus pulled out a guitar, Silverstream a drum kit, Sandbar with the bass, Smolder with a keytar, Yona with speakers on her back, and Ocellus, with her own microphone. An eagle screech escaped from Silverstream's mouth, with Gallus beginning the first riffs on his guitar. Ocellus began to sing, alongside Deadpool. ♬Deep inside the universe, in the depths of space There rises a sinister evil The people live in fear, under any tyrant’s reign of terror Who will save us now? ♬ ♬From out of the darkness and into the fight! (FIGHT!!!) X- force is coming to set things to right!♬ ♬X-Force! Kicking ass for justice and for liberty! For freedom and tons of cash! They’re the final stand The last band of heroes Who’ll fight evil with no remorse... ♬ ♬(X-force) For Freedom! (X-force!) For the cash! (X-force!) For liberty and justice for all! ♬ ♬Evil forces are amassing But they’ll never take our freedom We call on the defenders; on the youngest avengers To liberty or death ♬ ♬On wings of iron eagles, X-force brings the rain A whirlwind of blood, sweat, and bullets Villains will pay for the carnage they have shed Cos X-force is coming to fill them with lead♬ ♬X-Force! Kicking ass for justice and for liberty! For freedom and tons of cash! They’re the final stand The last band of heroes Who’ll fight evil with no remorse♬ ♬(X-force) For Freedom! (X-force!) For the cash! (X-force!) For liberty and justice for all! ♬ A Kickass guitar solo came from Gallus, who shed some manly tears, as the Cyrik began to short circuit. ♬In the darkest hour In the eye of the storm We stand together An unbreakable force of Bros! ♬ ♬X-Force! Kicking ass for justice and for liberty! For freedom and tons of cash! They’re the final stand The last band of heroes Who’ll fight evil with no remorse! X-FORCE!!!♬ With a press of a detonator by Deadpool, Cyrik's robots screams were heard, followed by the cyborg centaur exploding. "NO!!!" Cozy glowed yelled. "MASTER!!!" "And your parents are gonna hear about this." Deadpool spoke. "Wow... that was awesome! ... And lame." Silverstream commented. "Didn't we have guns for this?" "Yeah, but it's best we actually do use it in an actual emergency." "Yona want to perform next time!" Yona announced. "Oh man, I love this so much, Dad!" Gallus commented, but quickly covered his beak. "Did you... call me dad?" Deadpool asked. "Uh... a little bit." "... God dammit! You're all adorable badasses! Come here!" Deadpool grabbed everyone and got them into a huge group hug. "Ooh! That's what I need to do!" "What, sir?" Ocellus asked. "We need more X-Force members!" "Uh... aren't we good enough?" Smolder asked. "Of course you are. But we need more men. You guys are diverse enough, but we need more diversity! You hear me, Hasbro! Where's the other races you have but dropped!? Where's the Diamond Dogs, Mintotaurs, Buffalo, Furries, and the new Kirin student!? Huh!? Where!?!?!?" Luna tackled Deadpool out of nowhere and stabbed him with a syringe. In seconds, Deadpool's flesh went back to normal, now no longer a zombie anymore. I actually forgot we were a zombie. Eh, subplots always fail in fics like these. "Now you're cured!" Luna spoke. "I need you inside me, NOW!!!" "... Wow... blunt." Deadpool replied. "But before we have another session of buttsex... care to see my Bionicle collection?" Author's Note Hey guys, sorry for being away for so long. Consider this as a ketchup to all I miss, and a weird, half ass Halloween special. Father-Son Bonding. Pony #242-244 and Reindeer #1-3: Butternut, Oaknut, Pistachio, Aurora, Bori, AliceGallus groggily woke up from his sleep. His vision was blurry, as he only saw a red thing in his face. That red thing slowly turned into Deadpool's face, way too close to him. "Merry Christmas, Gallus!!!" Deadpool shouted. "Gah!!!" Gallus screamed, quickly scratching his face, causing a small waterfall of blood. Overreaction? In hindsight, we deserved it. "Professor Deadpool!? What are you doing here!?" Gallus asked before looking around, seeing the complete mess that was Deadpool's house. "Wait... did you kidnap me!?" "What!? No!" Deadpool replied. "I simply took you away as you were sleeping to help celebrate Christmas." "... So you kidnapped me. And Hearths Warming already passed." Deadpool rested next to him. "Consider it as a late Christmas special, for you, and the reader right now. After all, Christmas starts when it wants and ends when it wants, son." Gallus gave a blank stare. "Uh... l-look, what I said before, I was in the moment, ok? It just slipped out, and I want us to go back to being teacher-student." Deadpool turned to him, getting on his knees. "No, Gallus... I can't do that to you. You've got a bright future, and I want to be there with you. You're not like other griffins, and I want you to continue being like that. Besides, most of my fans already know that I am a real father, and that's excluding the sexy as hell Ryan Reynolds." "...Right... so, you mean it? This isn't a joke?" Deadpool took in Gallus in a passionate hug. "I'd never mess with the heart of a child like that. Not even with a cool kid like you." Gallus felt very tingly inside, but smiled, hugging Deadpool back. "Alright... what should we do?" "We gotta spread Christmas cheer to everyone! Wish everyone happy holidays! You know, all that crap." "Oh? So... do you have anyone in mind?" "Plenty." The heavy snow built up on Sweet Acorn Orchards. Deadpool and Gallus, approached to the door of the main house, with Deadpool knocking on the hard wooden door. After a few moments, the door was opened by a middle aged looking Stallion and mare, with the stallion wearing a run down hat & red flannel while the mare wore a green dress. "Oh, may we help you?" The stallion asked. "Why yes," Gallus spoke. "Is there a place where we can bust the biggest nut?" Deadpool did his best to hold back his laughter from obvious immature joke. "Hmm... I'm not sure." The mother replied "I think Pistachio helped my husband, Oak nut, help bust our biggest nuts yet." Deadpool wheezed. "Pistachio!" Oak Nut yelled. "What!?" The voice of a young stallion spoke. "Some folks are wondering if you helped me bust my biggest nuts?" Deadpool coughed hard from his laughter. "I'm busting some nuts right now, dad!" Deadpool fell to the floor, pounding the floor. "Who's here!? And who's laughing?" "We got a griffin out here, and a fellow that looks like Deadpool." "Wait, Deadpool!?" A stallion came down from the stairs, looking quite young, wearing a yellow-green scarf and a blue, fancy looking hat. "Sweet Celestia! It IS Deadpool! And he's laughing uncontrollably!!! Is here to help me bust these nuts?" "No! No more!!!" Deadpool spoke past his laughter. "I'm weak! And I went suffered through No-Nut-November! for this!" We failed, though. The rules never stated it was illegal or not if we can remove our bottom ribs and swallow our own nut! So, we won by default! "Deadpool asked me to say that." Gallus said with a shrug. "I really don't get what's so funny." "And bless you for that." Deadpool patted Gallus's head. "Oh, please, you've got to stay, Mr. Deadpool!" Pistachio begged. "Pleeease~?" Deadpool smiled. "Of course we will. But my question is... are you a master of disguise?" "Uh... no. I'm not." "Good. Cause that movie BLOWS!!! Even if Captain America was in it." Way in the north, a rather decent sized cottage laid dormant, surrounded by decorated pine trees, large candy canes, and lanterns with poles that resembled the candy. Inside, three reindeer wrapped various presents up. An elderly light blue with pale pink hair and glasses with huge antlers; a tan looking faun with a turquoise colored hair that had small antlers; and a pink, middle of the road reindeer with magenta hair, wearing a maid outfit. The youngest stopped and looked up. "Gang way!" She shouted, pushing the two others out of the way. Crashing through the ceiling was Deadpool, followed by Gallus, landing next to him. "Ok, even for you, that was an idiotic move." Gallus spoke, rolling his eyes. Deadpool picked his head up. "B****es love cannons." Deadpool replied. "Oh great, I feared this day would arrive." the elderly reindeer spoke, putting on earmuffs. "Let me handle this." The adult reindeer replied, prancing towards Deadpool. "Hello, Wade, seems we weren't expecting you. Allow me to introduce us, This is-" "A play on joke for Aurora Borealis." Deadpool interrupted. "I gotta say, these writers really knew how to make your names! And hey, I welcome a more friendlier version of the sisters of Fate that aren't cannibals or in a crappy Harry Potter wannabe series that is Percy Jackson." "Uh..." "He does that a lot." Gallus spoke. "But we're here to-" "Spread Holiday cheer to everyone, I know." Alice interrupted. "And hey, for a mercenary that killed Santa and hates the over saturation of the holidays, what you're going to do is nice." "What!? What was that?" Aurora asked, taking her ear muffs off. Her answer came as Deadpool took out a television and plugged in a camera. What showed was a small movie made by Deadpool and Gallus, reenacting various scenes from classic Christmas specials, all muted out by Jingle Bell Rock. Some of these scenes included: Deadpool dressed up as the Grinch, robbing some houses with Gallus as Max; Gallus running through the streets, recreating the ending to "It's a Wonderful Life"; Deadpool doing the shootout scene from Die Hard; and general fluff as both do what most people think fathers and sons should do with each other... even drink beer, in which Gallus puked after finishing his bottle. When it was all over, Deadpool grabbed Gallus and teleported away. "... Huh... he didn't stay?" Bori asked. "Yeah..." Alice replied, looking outside. "You're not thinking about joining their X-Force now, are you?" Aurora asked. "... I'm sorry, but I have to. If I don't, then there will be no future when the mad titan himself arrives." "But... surely, you're just overthinking, right?" "My visions are never wrong... and I want Deadpool to prove me wrong." She grabbed a scarf, wrapping it around her neck. "I'm sorry, but if Hearths Warming is to continue, then I need to do this." Without hesitation, her antlers glowed, picking her up, and she pranced away. In the Depths of Space Thanos sat on his throne, overlooking the galaxy, slowly, but steadily, heading to Equestria. Next to him was Mistress Death herself. "Thanos, that statue made was nice, but face it, I love Deadpool more." She spoke to him. "Bah! You only say that because he wants to die." The Mad Titan replied. "It's about time I make myself known to his world and make him pay for what he did those years ago." "Hmm... and when you do, I'll be waiting for you for your inevitable end." She dissapeared into the shadows. "Oh, it is I who will be the victor, my love. You will see how I can defeat an idiot like him." Equestria Deadpool and Gallus stood on stage, with Gallus on the Guitar and Wade behind the drums. Gallus looked a bit nervous as a crowd was in front of them, though Deadpool gestured him to go. With a nervous swallow, Gallus strummed his guitar as Deadpool pressed the play button on his phone, connected to the speakers ♬I can't do this alone Even though I am strong Need something more than me Someone to push me to victory Let's see what we can do Together, me and you Can't be afraid to try Kiss your fears goodbye♬ ♬No looking back You and I, we're on the attack Full speed ahead Running to the sunset♬ ♬Such a different feeling Both of us believing We can make it better♬ ♬Together we can show the world what we can do You are next to me and I'm next to you Push me on through until the battle's won No one’s gonna give a thing to us Into each other we put our trust Standing united, after the fight♬ ♬All alone, we will never be The two, of us, are holding the key We see, today, a world we couldn't see Before I say goodbye to you One more last fist bump...♬ ♬I know you have been afraid before But you don't have to be anymore No more emptiness to feel inside When we work together no one can break up our stride♬ ♬No looking back You and I, we're on the attack Full speed ahead Running to the sunset♬ ♬Such a different feeling Both of us believing We can make it better♬ ♬Together we can show the world what we can do You are next to me and I'm next to you Push me on through until the battle's won No one’s gonna give a thing to us Into each other we put our trust Standing united, after the fight, is done♬ Badass guitar solo that made the crowd cheer, with Alice seeing the show. "Hm... I better not tell them immediately. Gotta alter the future to give us a chance at survival." ♬We can show the world what we can do You are next to me and I'm next to you Push me on through until the battle's won No one’s gonna give a thing to us Into each other we put our trust Standing united, after the fight...♬ ♬It's a brand new day We have turned the page I never knew how much I needed Somebody to help me this way♬ ♬All alone, we will never be The two, of us, are holding the key We see, today, a world we couldn't see Before I say goodbye to you One more last fist bump...♬ The cheering went wild as the new father-son duo finished the song. *Sniff* It's so... beautiful. Indeed. I just hope we don't mess it up. Are we still gonna look for new students to join the X-Force? Knowing us, yes. Author's Note Until Season 9 shows otherwise, there will be new students joining Twilight's school of Friendship. And hey, Happy Holidays from me. Now, if you excuse me, I'll be struggling with bills and putting most of my fics on near month long hiatuses. ➡ ➡➡OMG!!! Fortnite is in this!?!?!?⬅⬅⬅Twilight sat behind her desk in her office. She had an unamused look as Deadpool sat in front of her, leaning against his chair back with his feet on her desk. Deadpool casually chewed on some gum, the bottom of his mask opened up as he blew some bubbles. The rest of the mane 6, with Starlight, stood at the side, giving various annoyed looks. "Alright, Mr. Deadpool," Twilight began. "Do you know why I summoned a teacher's conference?" "Eh, I dunno." Deadpool shrugged. "Probably ways in making Season 9 better? How I should've directed YouTube Rewind? Maybe how my students got rid of the Lovecraftian horror that was Big Chungus?" "That was a big bunny." Fluttershy commented. "Actually, we're discussing about how you've been doing these... 'field trips' with our students." Twilight answered. "Yeah, we appreciate how you've been getting along with 'em," Applejack added "But..." "For how awesome that stuff was, that's not exactly safe." Rainbow Dash finished. "Oh? What do you mean?" Deadpool asked. Rarity cleared her throat. "Remember when you decided to take the students to Canterlot, but made your entrance?" There was a fancy party in the Canterlot gardens, with fancy music playing. Aristocratic ponies gathered, wearing their best dresses to show off how rich they were, and to get more cash from their social status. However, a loud honk came, and ramming through the hedges was a blue school bus of sorts, with what appeared to be a hot air balloon attached to the roof. The side door opened, showing Deadpool inside. "Alright, students! Let's show these old geezers why they should fear the younger generation!" The students all came running out, wearing more flashy costumes that, in a way, made them look more like they're from a very uplifting anime. Deadpool ran out with a boombox and pressed play, beginning to play a Catchy Song. For a lack of better words, it became a Fortnite lobby, with the students doing popular dances, like Ocellus flossing, Smolder doing the Orange Justice, and Deadpool doing the default dance. The other ponies stared, but from the overwhelming power of the music, they soon began to join, losing the clothes to dance freely with the team. Oh God! The music! It's too catchy! I can't resist it! Damn you Lego Movie 2 and Fortnite. "Heh, that was fun." Deadpool commented. "And the time ya'll decided to take them to Klugetown?" Deadpool and the students all sat together in a plane, preparing to get out. Yona hyperventilated a bit, taking deep breaths to calm herself down, though, she was sweating a bit. "Yona no like being this high." She muttered to herself. "But Yona must do this for X-Force." "That's it, that's the spirit." Deadpool spoke, walking around. "Now, I already know, at least two-thirds out of all of you have wings, so Yona, Sandbar, and myself, we're the only one with parachutes." "Pfft! Lame." Smolder commented, putting on her gas mask. "Shut it, Scootaloo! Now, if anything goes wrong with Sandbar or Yona's parachutes, be sure to catch them before they fall. I've seen how you've worked together, and we must keep it like that." "And what about you, Mr. Pool?" Silverstream asked. "I've had worse, as you all saw." "Please don't remind me." Ocellus said with with a shiver. "So what's the plan?" Sandbar asked. "It's rather simple, Squirt," Deadpool replied. "On my command, we all land in Kludgetown, and take down all hostiles! " "Make big entrance?" Yona asked. "Indeed, my lovable yak." Deadpool patted her head. "We make big entrance." "Yaks best at entrances!!!" "That's the spirit! And you, the reader! Bare with me! Like YouTube, we're only doing this because stupid kids are playing Fortnite, and we need these views to get money for MrAquino's bank account! So kids, take your mom's credit card number and add the the numbers on front, the last 3 numbers on the back, and the expiration month/year. Send all their money to his paypall right in the description below! Do it! And MrAquino will make Fortnite porn for you all!!!" Is that a real thing!? Don't Google it. "... Does anyone know who Professor Deadpool is talking to?" Silverstream asked. "I gave up after he took me in as his son." Gallus answered. Red blaring went off. "That's the sign!" Deadpool yelled as the hangar doors opened. He stood by the entrance, turning and crossing his arms into an X, with his students standing by his sides. "Go! Dive! Dive! Dive!" Without any hesitation, Gallus and Silverstream dived down face first, turning into living missiles almost. Smolder and Ocellus dived next, with Smolder keeping her feet down, and Ocellus doing her best to not open her wings immediately. Sandbar strapped his parachute on tightly before backing up and jumping out. Yona... well, her parachutes were strapped on tightly (to compensate for her being born heftier), but she looked out, afraid. Deadpool sighed, gently pushing her off, before cracking his neck, and following his students down. All the students fell down in a group, just seeing Canterlot castle below them, and the gardens. "Operation Furry Crashers is a go! On my mark, Yona and Sandbar, deploy your parachutes!" "Yes, sir!" The two non flying creatures answered, though Yona screamed it more. Sandbar and Yona were both pulled back as their parachutes deployed, and they steadily descended to the town below. Ocellus, Gallus, Silverstream, and Smolder all landed on the floor first, drawing out their guns, striking a pose, as Yona and Sandbar landed next to them, While Yona was excited to be on solid ground, she quickly pulled out her machine guns and put on her serious face. It all ended as Deadpool came crashing to the ground, splatting across the floor with a loud- "What were you even doing in Kludgetown in the first place!?" Starlight demanded. "And why in Equestria did you make a map and placed markers all over the other kingdoms!? What are you planning!?" "... You really want to know?" Deadpool asked, getting up and sounding serious. Starlight backed up, along with the rest of the staff as Deadpool approached to them. "I know it, the readers know it, and deep inside, Pinkie knows it; we've only got one season left, and I intend for all of us to go out on a high note! I doubt the show will do it, but I'm planning to bring in MORE students from other races! You may have brought in a yak, a griffin, a hippogriff, a changeling, and a dragon, but what about the other races!? For saying you want to be 'progressive', you certainly forgot the other races that need to learn about friendship." "Oh my, he's right, Twilight." Fluttershy spoke. "We are missing more creatures." "We're talking Diamond dogs! Minotaurs! Kirin! Furries! Breezies! Buffalo! All the other sentient creatures that can and should learn about friendship, but haven't because of some bulls**t hasbro and the writers made!" He ran ahead, pushing everypony out of the way and- "Shut the f**k up! You! Reader! Comment below on the creature that the show forgot! Make a student! Give them the best description of what they'll be like! MrAquino will handle the rest! I've already got Alice the reindeer and Strong Heart the buffalo as cannon characters that will become future X-force members. The rest is up to you!" At that moment, Alice the reindeer came in. "Wait? You knew about this!?" She asked. "Of course I do! The audience knows it as well." "Know what, exactly?" Twilight asked, confused. "Well... you see-" A pinecone was shoved into Alice's mouth, silencing her. Deadpool looked down at her. "Alright, if we're gonna win this, your future seeking abilities are good enough, so I'm making you my personal assistant to be sure these future students become efficient killers like me!" "Deadpool!" Rainbow Dash yelled. "These are students! Not your personal army!" "Oh, blame me? When I make child soldiers, I'm evil, but when Charles Xavier has done it for over 60 years, he's the good guy? Yeah. Justice my ass." He cocked his gun. "Because now, it's all about survival." Author's Note https://www.paypal.me/KaneAquino Oh god, they're furries! Only real Tree: The Tree of HarmonyDeadpool found himself running from another stampede of cows, now with signs saying "MLP is Over" over the tips of their horns. The merc screamed away, going over every obstacle in his path ranging from fallen trees to fallen rates of the NFL after 2019's superbowl. All the cows kept charging at a fast pace, with Deadpool slowing down, losing his breath. On his left side, Stuffy ran by him, along with crazy on his right. Why must this happen to us!? How'd we even get here!? "I don't care! I wanna live!" Deadpool screamed. Wait a minute... this is a dream! Do something, Wade! "I wish these cows were gone!" And as he said that, the cows disappeared. Deadpool stopped to see the stampede was gone, though the signs remained. Popping out of nowhere and walking to him was Twilight Sparkle... only sparkling even more, looking like she was made out of diamonds. Ooh! Sparkly! More like glitter. "Heh, it's Twilight all over again!" Deadpool joked. "What is it, Edward?" "Greeting, Wade Wilson." The etheral looking Twilight spoke. "We have not truly introduced ourselves. What you see is just but an image I chose to speak to others with, but I am the tree of Harmony." "... que pasa?" "It is a lot to take in, but your fellow students know about me, and have promised to keep me a secret. I only show myself to them, but I see that despite your... how shall we say... violent, and reckless solutions, you have more than proven yourself a worthy protector for Equestria and all it's residents." "Aww, it's not my fault I enjoy ponies so much." "Indeed... Kinda wish you had answered the call to defeat King Sombra." "Wait, Sombra came back!?" "Yes, and-" "I thought he was back. MrAquino, 'splain that s**t back in the original part of this fic!" I wanted a Three Caballeros parody. "Ah..." "... anyways," the tree of harmony continued. "Your students helped me after Sombra destroyed my original form. Now, I have a stronger form back in the everfree forest and-" "Way ahead of you!" Deadpool pulled out a gun and shot himself in the head, forcing the Merc to wake up, next to a sleeping Luna. "Time to remodel that place!!!" "Shut up!" Luna yelled. "Sorry." School had just begun; a new year of learning for the student 6, and a new year of training to become future mercenaries from Deadpool. The students followed Wade through the Everfree forest heading to the Tree of Harmony. "So, let me get this straight?" Sandbar spoke "The tree of harmony actually came to you in your dream?" "Yep." Deadpool answered. "Wow! I didn't think it would happen." "Yeah, the tree is pretty weird." Smolder commented. "Yona like tree!" Yona spoke "Because tree helped Yona and Yona's friends get together!" "And what did you do after meeting the tree?" Silverstream asked. "I did a few adjustments." Deadpool answered. "Wait, what!?" Ocellus asked, shocked. "You altered our clubhouse!?" "Just a small bit, but you'll love it." "Oh boy, this gonna be something." Gallus commented. They all approached the new tree of harmony, seeing the outside was the same. The glowing Twilight stood outside, looking a bit annoyed. "Tree of harmony!? What happened!?" Sandbar asked. "Oh, I've made a mistake inviting Deadpool in." The tree of harmony spoke. "What did he do?" Ocellus asked. "He brought in some stuff that I feel is just... ugh." "It's awesome and you know it!" Deadpool said, walking through the etheral Twilight and opening the door. The students followed, with the Etheral Twilight teleporting in. The place now had various training equipment around, all looking quite dangerous, and at the end was a computer, with various glowing tubes. "Uh... Yona not sure what this is." Yona spoke in a confused tone. "Welcome to the new X-Force headquarters!" Deadpool spoke. "We've got all the training equipment, desks for group meeting, computer to help us know where trouble is, and, best of all, I borrowed the Transdogmaphier from Professor William F. Shepherd." "... Who?" All the students asked. "Road Rovers. Look it up. But I altered the machines to turn you all into something better than Cano-Sapiens!" "I... don't follow." Silverstream spoke. Deadpool groaned, turning and pushing all the students into a tube. "You'll understand soon. Just stay still." "Oh great." The tree of harmony groaned. Deadpool pressed a few buttons, making the tubes glow white. The silhouettes of the students changed, going from quadruped forms to growing and becoming bipedal (minus Smolder). Smoke exited from the tubes, as each of the students came out, feeling much weirder, and stumbled around. "Yes! It works!" Deadpool cheered. "What worked?" Gallus asked. He looked down at himself and screamed. He now stood at about five feet tall, wearing red armor with black highlights underneath, with a miniature Deadpool logo as his belt, which was white. He still had his talons and wings, luckily, but he changed, and the others, had changed. "Whoa! Dude!" Sandbar was a bit more swole, now, having fairly big biceps, and stood at about Gallus's height. The colt poked at his new muscles to see that they were genuine, and not fake. "Is this real?" "I think it is." Ocellus spoke. She had a slimmer body than both boys, and was the shortest, most likely 4'10. Her wings were covered by a metal back that opened naturally, allowing her to buzz her wings a bit. "Oh wow! This is so neat!" Silversteam cheered. She was both the tallest and skinniest out of everyone, with her wings being much longer now. "Eh, I feel the same." Smolder commented. She was a bit taller, covered in lean muscles. "Yona feel much stronger now!" Yona was in a special armor that looked more like she came from the Warhammer series, complete with a helmet that covered her face that made her even more menacing looking. "Ha! Told ya!" Deadpool pointed at the tree of harmony. "You literally changed them into a new species. I'm not exactly fond of it." "Uh... dad?" Gallus asked, taking his first steps to Deadpool. "Does this wear off?" "Yes and no." Deadpool answered. "When a mission is done, simply stand in a pod and I'll be sure to make you all go back to normal." "So... can we turn back now?" "Not yet, because we've got more students coming our way." "Wait, more!?" Silverstream asked. "You're bringing in the entire school here!?" "What!? No! Of course not! I invited my own personal list of new students that, like you all, are different creatures from different kingdoms. I already have Alice join." "But... why are you doing this?" Ocellus asked. "... I have a feeling Equestria is gonna need more than friendship to save the day again." Meanwhile: At the Legion of Doom! Grogar looked ahead, gazing into his crystal eye, seeing Deadpool and the genetically altered X-Force. "Oh, I couldn't agree more, Deadpool." He spoke, taking screwdriver. "You'll regret the day for not finishing the job those centuries ago. You, and Equestria, will bow to me." Tirek entered the room, looking more machine than ever, with only a portion of his face remaining. "My lord, do you require my assistance?" He asked in a now more electric voice. Grogar turned around, revealing half of his face was now a mechanical skull, with the eyeball remaining. "Unless you can kill Deadpool and the X-force immediately, then no!" Author's Note Next chapter: The new students! Deadpool 2 audition scene. And if any of you can draw these versions of the students, I would LOVE it!!! Love ya, Patton Oswalt! Ponies: 247 and 248: Clear Sky and Wind SprintThe Buckball stadium stood amongst Appleoosa, and despite the heat from being in the middle of the desert (trust me, I'm in Arizona), everypony was still excited to see the latest buckball tournaments, with the undefeated team from Ponyville standing out. Sitting in the crowd was Quibble Pants, along with a pink unicorn that had a white mane with a blue streak in it, and a purple pegasus filly with a darker colored mane that looked more like a miniature Twilight Sparkle with freckles. Said filly read a book about the stats of each of the players as Quibble and the mare snuggled each other in a loving embrace. The scene was cute, though, it came to a halt as they heard a strange sound. "Pika!" Both adults turned to see a fairly large yellow mouse with red cheeks wearing a detective hat. "Um... what is that?" The mare asked. "I have no idea." Quibble replied before waving his hoof to the mouse. "Uh... shoo. Go away." "Pika!" The mouse replied, hopping closer to them. Quibble got up, freaking out a bit. "Uh... Is this somepony's... mouse?" "Yeah, that'd be mine." The voice of Deadpool was heard, followed by the Merc appearing between the two. "Detective Pikachu! There you are you little son of a-" "Pika!" The mouse interrupted. "Well, excuse my language!" "Oh great." Quibble covered his face again. "Not you again." "Again?" The mare asked. Deadpool patted Quibble Pant's head. "Great to see you again, Mr. Oswalt!" Deadpool replied before turning to his mare. "And my, my! You've got your wife here! Meredith Salenge!" "Um... it's Clear Sky, actually." She replied with a blush. "He doesn't seem that bad, Quibble." "You're gonna regret it." Deadpool let out a loud squeal as he picked up the filly. "Oh my god! You're so f**king adorable, Alice Rigney Oswalt!" "Uh... thanks?" The filly spoke in an uncomfortable tone. "Oh! You've got a pikachu?" "Indeed! And not just any Pikachu, Detective Pikachu!" "How can a pikachu be a detective?" "Watch the movie and you'll find out. But I'm surprised you know about Pokemon." "Oh yes, I have my own Pokemon." "Wait, what?" Popping out of her bag was a brown, small, fox-like creature that had cream colored fluff around it's neck and the tip of it's tail. "An eevee!?" "Pika!" Detective Pikachu spoke, shaking his small arms around. "Wait, you know this eevee!?" Both Pikachu and Eevee had an intense staredown. "Eevee..." The eevee spoke. "HE'S VOICED BY HUGH JACKMAN!?!?!?" Deadpool and Wind Sprint stood in the middle of the field with their pokemon right in front of them, ready to battle. "Wait, are we fighting?" The filly asked. "Oh course!" Deadpool replied. "We're in a glorified animal fighting ring that people love to see." As he said that, Ingrid E. Newkirk stuck her head around the corner, breathing heavily and nasally. The merc turned around and fired a magnum, missing her by a few inches. "F**k off! I was making a joke! Get outta here, PETA!!! You ruined Steve Irwin's birthday!!!" Ingrid hissed as she got on all fours and ran away like an ape. Wade turned back to a confused Wind Sprint. "You'll understand later. Go! Pikachu! Use tackle!" "Pika!" Pikachu ran forward rapidly and, using it's head tackled the eevee. "Eevee! Use Tail Whip!" Wind Sprint ordered. The eevee got up, it's tail glowing, before spinning and knocking pikachu back. Pickachu slid across the floor, but got up, not down just yet. "Ha! Good move, but let's see if Eevee can withstand this!" Deadpool dramatically pointed ahead. "Pikcahu! Use Thunderbolt!" Pikachu's red cheeks crackled with Electricity, followed by it firing into the sky, then crashing down to earth at Eevee. Wind Sprint gasped, unsure what will happen... followed by the entire theater gasping. When the dust cleared, Eevee sat on it's own tail, unharmed. "... Ha! You missed!" Wind Sprint mocked. "Pikachu! You piece of S-!" Deadpool yelled, only to get zapped by a blast of green magic. The sky darkened, as a blimp in the shape of Grogar's head hovered over them all, and a familiar anthem was heard. Standing in the basket was Tirek, Chrysalis, and Cozy Glow, all wearing white shirts & pants, purple belts, boots, and gloves. "Prepare for trouble!" Chrysalis announced "And make it double." Tirek added, his voice more electronic and him not exactly as excited. "To protect the world from devastation!" "To unite all creatures within our nation." "To denounce the evils of truth and love!" "To extend our reach to the stars above." "Chrysalis!" "Tirek." "Team Grogar blasts off at the speed of light!" "Surrender now, or prepare to fight." "Cozy Glow, That's right!" Cozy Glow finished, standing on their heads. Everyone went silent, with Deadpool back up on his feet, smoking a bit. He pulled out a grenade launcher and fired at the ridiculous blimp. A few seconds passed, and the blimp exploded in a ball of flame, with it, and the three villains, flying back the way they came from. "Get nae-naed!" "... So... are we gonna continue?" Wind Sprint asked. "After that... nah. I'm sure they're alive, and by the looks of it, they're under Grogar's rule. S**t just got real." He pulled out his cellphone and dialed a number. "... Hey, Gallus? ... Yeah... We're gonna have to get ready... I'll be with you soon. All of you use the obstacle course I've made." Gallus hung the phone in the darkened room. He looked back to the rest of the X-Force, ready for their orders. "It's obstacle course time." He simply spoke. A collective cheer was heard as Gallus pressed a button on a computer connected to some speakers, with Man in Motion (St. Elmos Fire) playing. The room opened up, bringing in light, as a dangerous obstacle course revealed itself, ranging from sharpened pendulums, automated turrets, pools of water filled with sharks, and various pits. It was all in slow motion, but all the X-Force ran ahead, ready to push themselves to be even better, as a timer was on display with the record time being 3:23.98. Deadpool put his phone away before giving Pikachu to Wind Sprint. "There ya go. Much better. Now you've got the 2 most adorable pokemon with the most adorable filly! If you excuse me, I've got a world to save." Deadpool sprinted ahead, ready to travel back to Equestria... but was immediately hit by a train. CRIKEY!!! Ponies #249-252: Aunt Holiday & Lofty, Mane Allgood, and Snap ShutterDeadpool snuck around a house, wearing very small cargo shorts and a button up shirt. "G'day, and welcome to Pony Hunter!" He greeted with an Australian accent. "Today, we've got a LOAD of ponies to encounter, namely, Australian stereotypes, and cannon lesbians! While I know I'm late for pride month, but you should know, once you go gay, you never leave without something up yer ass. And speaking of which, I placed a tracker on a little filly named Scootaloo to find where they're all gathered in, and she's in this here house. Let's take a looksee." Deadpool peaked in through a window. Inside, Scootaloo sat between a pair of middle aged mares and a rather young looking couple. One of the mares was rather big earth pony wearing a scarf and had long red-orange mane & tail, while the other was a lean pegasus wearing a sweater and had a short blue mane & tail. The couple both looked to be from Australia, with the wife looking like Terri Irwin as a pegasus and the husband looking like Crocodile Dundee. Scootaloo wore an obvious looking tracking device strapped to her back. "Um, Scootaloo?" Her mom asked. "What are you wearing?" "I dunno." Scootaloo replied. "Deadpool told me to wear this for a show he's making." "Deadpool?" The large mare, Holiday, asked. "You've been hanging out with that violent man?" The other mare, Lofty, added. Deadpool lowered down and turned around. "Uh oh! They're talking mad s**t for someone in a bullet distance! But I've got the element of surprise right by-" "Oi! Who're you!?" The Australlian accent of Scootaloo's dad was heard. Deadpool looked up to see the gruff stallion looking down at him. "Crickey! I've been spotted! Looks like it's time for Plan B!" Deadpoool got up and lunged at the stallion, tackling him. Everyone inside watched as Snap Shutter and Deadpool rolled across the floor, wrestling for domination. "Dad!? Deadpool!?" Scootaloo yelled. "I called it!" Lofty shouted. Deadpool got onto Snap Shutter's chest and delivered a few slaps to the stallion's face. "Wassup, Snap!" Deadpool spoke. "I'm only doing this 'cause I love you!" Snap bucked Deadpool off and into the wall, breaking a shelf with expensive looking china. "Oi! You're not gonna get away from me this time, mate!" The gruff earth pony quickly threw something at Deadpool that caused him to scream in pain. Deadpool looked down to see that a sai was in his shoulder. "What the hell!? Is that one of Scootaloo's sais!?" "Yep." Deadpool pulled the sai right out, whimpering a bit as he did it before throwing it right back, only knocking off the stallion's hat. Wade charged at the stallion, causing both to crash through a wall leading to the kitchen. Snap Shutter got up and grabbed Deadpool, punching the merc in his gut. Wade returned with a hard slap across his face. Both gave each a few hard slaps to their faces, before Deapool kicked Snap to a wall and tackled through it, causing a huge hole in the side of the house into the backyard. Outside, having a cookout, was Applebloom's and Sweetie Belle's families, all shocked and surprised to see both men fighting each other. Scootaloo, her aunts, and mom walked out and watched the hassle, with Lofty enjoying herself some tea. "Um... should we do something about this?" Aunt Holiday asked. "Oh no, they're alright." Mane Allgood replied. "Kick his ass, honey!" "I'm on it!" Snap Shutter replied, picking up Deadpool and dragging him to the grill, slamming the merc's head upon said in use grill. He opened the grill and pressed Wade's left side of his face in said grill, causing the merc to scream wildly. With his arms flailing, Deadpool grabbed a brick and slammed it on Snap's face, stumbling the stallion as he got up. It didn't take long for Deadpool to tackle Snap through the backyard fence and in front of somepony's front lawn with a wagon parked in front. Wade grabbed the light headed stallion and slammed his head through the door of the cart. "Say it, Snap!" He demanded. "Say I'm a man, ya c**t!" "Never!" Snap replied. Deadpool pulled the stallion up, elbowed his face, then slammed his head on another door. "Say it!" "You're... a man." Deadpool lifted his leg higher. "Say it louder!" Snap turned to Wade. "You're a man... c**t." Deadpool pulled him up, then proceeded to do a series of hits on his chest, that caused Snap to- "Oh you've gotta be kidding me." He said as the place began to smell. Deadpool jumped in victory, with his X-Force watching and recording the entire thing. "Wow! I didn't you can make ponies crap themselves with those movements!" Smolder spoke in shock. "I gotta try that with Gar-Gar!" "Ooh! Maybe I can try it with my brother!" Silverstream added. Scootaloo entered, having a confused look. "... What just happened?" She asked. Deadpool, Scootaloo, Mane Allgood, and both aunts sat in the destroyed living room, though Snap was away, his pride broken and needed some time alone. The X-force were in the background, fixing up the destroyed house. "So... you knew him?" Scootaloo asked her mom. "That's right." Her mom answered. "And my dad was able to beat up Deadpool, meaning this is Deadpool's first victory against him?" "Yep." Deadpool answered. "I learned a thing or two from the underrated 2007 Comedy movie, Hot Rod." "And this was just to prove to Gallus that his father wasn't weak?" They looked to Gallus, who was adding the final touched to fixing some destroyed china. He turned to them all, who saw them all staring at him. "... What? I don't my dad to be weak." "Even though he killed Tirek, he couldn't beat your father." Lofty commented, sipping on her tea. "Makes sense to me." "I can never really understand you all." Holiday added. "But I'm at least glad you know to clean up after yourself." "Eh, it's just a lesson for the kiddies." Deadpool spoked. "Right class!?" "When you're finished, be sure to clean up all the evidence." The X-force spoke as one before finishing. "Excellent! And when this is all finished, we're going on vacation! I've been personally invited to a town called Hope Hollows for something called the Rainbow Festival, and would like you all to join with me!" The X-force cheered together, cleaning up faster. Author's Note Yep. Next is the Rainbow Roadtrip. But with a slight twist. ... And by slight, I mean using a calculator to ensure that 1+1 does in fact equal to 2 You made joke jokes about him in Smash Bros, and now it's true. Pony #262: Sans Author's Note That is all. This is how you cheer. Ponies 263 & 264: Lighthoof and Shimmy ShakeIt was the big game at Twilight's school of friendship. Celestia's school of Magic's buckball team was up against the School of Friendship's. Though it was after the second quarter a halftime show came in with Yona, Ocellus, Smolder, and two mares, an orange one and a blue one, all wearing purple cheerleader outfits with light blue sides & highlights. It began with Yona stomping to a beat as some music began to play. The two mares, Shimmy Shake and Lighthoof got into position, "Over, and over, and over again!" Shimmy began, rolling across Lighthoof's back. "We'll cheer for out team until the very end!" Lighthoof added The crowd began to stomp on their seats in unison, having the ultimate for of team spirit. Smolder flew over, dropping confetti over the field before spewing smoke over everyone, obscuring everyone's view. The music was cut quickly as techno lights appeared in the field, and the smoke dissolving, revealing that a stage was present on the show was three figures. Standing in the middle was Deadpool wearing his DJ/Rapper outfit. Standing to his left was Gallus, wearing the cheeleader outfits, and to the right was Silvertream, also wearing the cheerleader outfit. Gallus looked rather embarrassed. "Ok! Who brought in Deadpool!?" Rainbow shouted. Ocellus walked up to her. "Um, sorry, coach," the changeling apologized. "But when you refused to be our coach, I reached out to Deadpool and asked if he could take over." "And Silverstream and Gallus?" Fluttershy asked. "Deadpool dragged Gallus along. Silverstream... well... she was kinda angry she didn't hear that they were looking for cheerleaders." "Funny. I was curious why Silverstream wasn't with you all in the first place." Pinkie commented. Deadpool lept off the stage as music began to play from the loudspeakers, with the famous tune to the Y.M.C.A "Yeah! Come on everybody!" Deadpool cheered. "Crowd around! Sing with me!" ♬ I spent many long days with nothing to do Which way should I go I have no clue A basketball in my hand But I got no hoop Gotta find me a place So I can't shoot I got dreams of being like Michael J But a balls no good With no place to place Till this one man came Showed me the way Now I play at the Y.M.C.A♬ ♬ 5 years later the one man came So happened to be the day of the big game The score was tied on the clock Its up to me to make the last shot So I got the ball jumped sky high Released the ball Then closed my eyes Now Im a star and its ok Thank you for the Y.M.C.A♬ ♬ It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A They have everything for young men to enjoy You can hang out with all the boys It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A You can get yourself clean, you can have a good meal You can do whatever you feel♬ ♬ A little boy growin 'up Isnt hard enough A little boy blowin'up Kinda makes it rough On the streets like a bum The story is rough Crime on my mind Better call McGruff No park in my hood To enjoy my friends♬ ♬ Only streets, big cars Like caddies and benz I heard of this place Where boys can play Check out What's up with the Y.M.C.A♬ All the other cheerleaders joined, dancing with Gallus and Silverstream. ♬ My life took a wrong turn Convict criminal nikes burn Catch me minimal Running from the cops Was a way life Only way I could go my life Was trife Things changed though Every time I remember Open the door Thanksgiving November A new way to build Confidence I pray Thank you for the Y.M.C.A♬ ♬ It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A They have everything for young men to enjoy You can hang out with all the boys It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A You can get yourself clean, you can have a good meal You can do whatever you feel♬ ♬Y.M.C.A. C'mon gather round ya'll Let me show you how you do it Take the road to the Y.M.C.A Follow us C'mon♬ The whole hoofball field turned into a rave with everypony doing the Y.M.C.A dancing.... minus Twilight, Celestia, Dash, Pinkie, and Fluttershy. Deadpool appeared next to them. "You know, Dash, if you weren't such an a##hole to the cheerleading unit, then this wouldn't have happened." He spoke. Dash sputtered. "But I-! It's not-! UGH!!! This is why I say we shouldn't have had Deadpool become a professor at our school!" "Oh? And only you 6 running the school again when there's plenty of teachers out there, ready to help? And how about dropping Cheerilee off the face of the earth, along with all the other characters that were important, but now aren't anymore?" Somewhere. In a white space, Cheerilee flew across the open space, with Diamond Tiara and Silverspoon. "Um... does anypony know how we got here?" She asked. "I don't know." Diamond Tiara answered. "Last thing I remembered, I was with Deadpool in a party, and the next thing, I was here." Popping in a puff of smoke was Zecora. "What is going on here!?" She asked. "This situation is unclear!" Appearing next to her was Deadpool. "Wait, Deadpool!? You too!?" Cheerilee asked. "Close." Deadpool answered. "I'm the clone of Deadpool made by his pubic hair. MrAquino forgot about me before adding this bit in there, since he hasn't been writing all the time... but now that I'm mentioned again."He vanished in a ouff of smoke, accompanied by clown honks. "... So... what do we do?" Silverspoon asked. Author's Note You know it's true. Dropping those side characters from the first season ever like they mean nothing anymore. Anime jokes. Ponies 265 & 266: Spur & BiscuitThe Appleoosa county fair had it all; stands with food, various rides & attractions, rigged games, it was all here. And in the middle of it all, Deadpool skipped around happily with cotton candy in one hand, and in the other was an Ursa minor plushie he got from beating the rigged games using a supernova laser that he totally didn't steal from Illuminations and helped some fillies get their own plushies. You know, we could've done something that didn't destroy an entire stall. No way! Explosions are awesome!!! You're going full Michael Bay again. EXPLOSIONS!!! "Relax, fellas." Deadpool spoke. "This is supposed to be a one time deal. We haven't been to the fair for so many years! Remember the last time we went?" You kidnapped the mayor's daughter. Yeah, but she was smoking HOT! You literally set her on fire. It still counts. "Hey, she was in league with Hydra, so it was a win-win." "No! We can't let Boofy out!" A brown, lengthy, Cozy Glow-looking pegasus filly spoke spoke. "No way! Bloofy will win first place!" A red, blue maned colt replied, walking into the buckball arena with a mysterious looking box. Deadpool shook a bit as he saw the box. "My 80's senses are tingling!" He spoke. "Either this is gonna be similar to Gremlins, or some popular anime that has achieved popularity through memes." He stopped as he saw the CMC enter, now grown up. "Oh no. This is bad!" How so? Rugrats: All grown up! "WE GOTTA GET THEM BACK TO BEING FOALS AND NOT EXPERIENCE THE HORRORS OF TAX SEASON!!!" Deadpool ran into the stadium. He stopped as he saw the adult CMC as the colt opened the box, and popped a small, purple dog-looking creature. Wade quickly sprinted and tackled the CMC out of the way. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?!?" "Deadpool!?" All 3 asked in shock. "Uh, we can explain." Applebloom spoke. "Don't you know what's happening!?" Deadpool asked again. "We... made a wish to a magical flower and became adults?" Sweetie Belle asked. "No! Worse!!!" He pointed to you, the audience. "The readers who saw this episode will make porn around you! You're giving them the chance to make Loli stuff!!!" "Uh... who?" Scootaloo asked. "I thought it was because we made a bad choice as adults." As they said that, the weird pet of the foals began to squeak wildly, looking all nervous, before it's body began to spin rapidly, turning into a tornado with only it's head unmoving. "Also that. Get outta here!" Deadpool got up and got the two foals in his arms, running away. "Deadpool!?" The filly asked "You know those 3!?" "Yeah, I trained them to become ninjas WAY earlier in this fanfic, if anyone remembers." "Wait, they're ninjas!?" The colt asked. "They WERE, but SOMEONE never decided to use that!" Ok, no one like CinemaSins, Wade. But back to the chapter, Deadpool tossed both foals out of the door, and motioned everyone to get out. "Wait! What are you gonna do!?" The filly asked. "Gonna do what I do best." He cocked a gun. "NO!!! Don't hurt Bloofy!!!" "What? No! It's a tranquilizer. Bloofy will be unconscious for an hour or two. Now go! Get out! This will be over in a bit." He slammed the doors and locked the doors behind him, walking to the living tornado. "Alright, Boofy, this will be over in just quickly. Just-" He stopped in his tracks. "... Why do I hear boss music?" The spinning stopped, and towering over Deadpool was Bloofy, still having it's little head, but it's body had changed, becoming an ultra masculine body with huge pecs and fur on the waist area, covering up where its's junk should be. N-Nani!? N-Nani!? Deadpool quickly fired at Bloofy, the darts just bouncing off Bloofy's rock-hard pecs. Bloofy looked at the needles that fell to the floor at it's feet before looking to Deadpool, pointing one of it's huge fingers at Deadpool. "ウェイド・ウィルソン、死よりも悪い運命に直面する準備をしなさい。" "Damn Google Translate!" Deadpool yelled. "Alright, Bloofy, here's the way we can do it. Either you go back to your small, cute self and get into the box, or I'll have to explain to those 2 cute foals on why their pet ran away." He was answered immediately by a backhand that launched him to a nearby wall, crashing into it, making a huge dent that broke his spine. "... Ow..." He got up, his healing factor kicking in, though his body ached all over. Bloofy approached to him, each step shaking the floor. "愚かな死を免れ、私は侮れない力だと表示されないのですか？" "Ok, seriously, why does every anime villain need to monologue? You should know this by now; you beat the hero to a pulse, thinking you're victorious, and then the hero gets up, beaten, but becomes stronger." His leg was grabbed and repeatedly slammed to the floor, the force making his arms pop right out and fly across the place, blood spraying everywhere. "あなたがどれほど弱くて哀れなのか見てください！？私に反対する者は皆滅びて死ぬでしょう！" Bloody threw Deadpool across the stadium, making him roll into the middle before jumping into the sky, breaching into space, and fell down to the earth below, right onto Deadpool's body, turning him into a bloody pulse. "ははは！！！頑張りすぎて失敗しました。あなたとあなたの友人は私には何の意味もありません。私、おとなしい、今は鉄の拳で世界を支配します、そして誰も私を止めることはできません！" Bloofy turned and walked to the door, ready to attack Equestria like every villain has before. But he stopped upon hearing Deadpool gasp for breath, regenerating back to himself, albeit, his costume torn up, revealing more skin than before. "ああ？まだあきらめていませんか？あなたは私の尊敬を持っていますが、それはあなたを救うことはありません。" "私もGoogle翻訳を使用できます。そして、あなたは私の警告を弱めるべきでした、なぜなら私は私の強力なフォームの1つであなたのお尻を蹴るつもりです！" Deadpool lifted his arm into the sky and awaited. Bloofy approached to him, laughing as he cracked his knuckles, ready to beat Deadpool to a bloody pulse again. Everything stopped as something fell from the sky and landed in Deadpool's hands. In his hands was a large axe, surging with Electricity. The sky darkened as storm clouds came in, and lightning struck Deadpool, making Bloofy take a step back and cover his eyes from the blinding light. When it ended, he stared in shock as Deadpool had changed. His body surged with electricity, as he now wore Norse armor, his mask had metalic wings on the sides, and a large, red cape was on his back. "何！？" "Yes. I wield Stormbreaker, folks." Deadpool spoke. "Mjölnir isn't as cool as a huge axe wielded by a Horse headed alien." "これは何も意味しません！私はここで最も強力な存在であり、あなたは-" Deadpool threw the axe at Bloofy's head, decapitating the small, adorable head from the ultra masculine body. Surprisingly, no blood came out as the body fell... in fact, the neck was just an empty hole. Bloofy landed on the floor, unphased, yipping again. Deadpool approached with the box. "Come on, get in the box." Bloofy didn't hesitate, jumping into the box, letting the Merc seal it inside. "And alas! The day is saved! Thanks to me, Deadpool, and my mighty ax, Storm-" He was interupted as he was punched in the face as a horse headed humanoid took the axe away, getting the costume Deadpool had, minus the mask. "That's my ax, jackass." He spoke before swining it and flying into the sky. "... Right... sorry Beta Ray Bill... heh... Beta... he's a work in progress." Author's Note Next chapter, based on the MLP Series finale... I kinda don't want to do it, but, like a shot at the doctor, it's best to get it over with ASAP or else it'll be worse. 20 years later. Pony #267: Luster Dawn.Everything in Canterlot had changed in the last 20 years. Creatures from all kinds were now roaming around, not just ponies, all in peace and unification. But a familiar figure in red strolled through, causing many and all to gasp and stare in shock. He stopped and got a long look at a statue of a that showed a very familiar humanoid looking like he was taking a selfie, with the phone in it's hand, and the decapitated head of another humanoid with a very wrinkly chin in the other. He just took the phone out of the statue's hand and looked through the pictures, memories of a past long forgotten. "Damn. Everything has changed." He spoke before teleporting away. Inside Canterlot's castle, a new pony sat on the throne, looking almost like Celestia in build and height, complete with a flowing mane & tail as well. But unlike her, she was mostly purple, with a darker mane & tail that had a magenta stripe in both. Sitting next to her was a purple dragon with green scaled running down his back to tail, about as tall as her, but built with a huge top, though small legs. "Well, what's the problem?" The dragon asked, sounding a bit young, but with a deeper voice. "Ever since I took Celestia's place, I've been teaching magic." The new princess answered. "But my most Important lesson seems to not be hitting home with my student." "What do you mean?" "That I'm glad my royal ambassador and friendship ambassador is here now!" "Um... your majesty?" A voice spoke, trying to not break into tears. "There's uh... someone familiar here." "... What's wrong, Gallus?" "Well... uh..." The doors busted open with an epic choir with rock & roll music playing. Standing in the doorway was Deadpool, with his cellphone back. "I'M BACK, BITCHES!!!" He yelled. Gallus, a blue griffin in golden armor, popped his head in, tearing up. "He's back! My dad's back!!!" "WHAT!?" The huge dragon yelled. "Wait... Spike!?" Deadpool asked, appearing next to the dragon. He grabbed the dragon's face, then compared his chest to his own. "Damn! What the fuck were you doing!? You're as built as Arnold Schwarzenegger!" He looked to the princess, who had a bit of a surprised look herself. "And Twilight? You... you look like Celestia... but purple." "I get that a lot." She answered calmly. "Are you not seeing this!?" Spike asked in shock. "Deadpool is alive! He's back from the dead!" "I actually figured something like this would happen." Twilight stood up from her seat and walked out of the throne room to the right, but came back shortly. "Let me guess, you're either a Deadpool from an alternate dimension that just happens to be like ours, but your version of Equestria was destroyed?" "You'd think that." Deadpool answered, walking around and inspecting her. "But no, I'm his clone that was sent to make sure that the writer would continue writing this fic back when he lived with his dad through that messy divorce those years ago." "That was my second guess." "How would you know that?" "I went back and saw your rotting corpse." "Ooh! Is it-?" "Yes, as you wrote before your died, 'Instead of burying my body with sweet-smelling flowers and surrounded by sweat-smelling followers, preserve my body fetal pig style, in a giant mason jar filled with the tear of all the heartbroken private school girls that will miss you, so your body can re-animate and start a zombie apocalypse on March 31st, 2046 at 2:03 PM'." "Yay! Did you also-?" "Yes. We got the rock band 'Taranchula' to write and perform your funeral dirge, and played your pre-recorded eulogy on the five boomboxes you had in your disgusting house." "And my house!? What did-?" "We burned it to the ground." "... Oh... I thought you'd turn it into a museum." "No, but we did take all your weapons, researched them, and upgraded Equestria's defenses." "Um... am I going crazy, or is that Deadpool?" A new voice asked. Everyone looked to see a unicorn standing in the doorway, looking pink with a mane & tail that looked like the colors of a sun rising or setting. "Oh! Luster Dawn!" Twilight spoke. "Sorry, but yes, Deadpool, or a different but still the same version, is with us." "But... how?" "Cloning." Deadpool answered. "And Oh my god! This is adorable! Twilight is now the new Celestia, and you're the new Twilight!" "... I... think so?" Luster spoke, though was unsure what he meant. "I mean, I read the stories all about you sir, but the way how you died is all... muddied, to say the least." "Muddied!?" He looked to Twilight. "I wasn't there that much." She replied with a shrug. Deadpool took a deep breath. "Ok, you want to know how I died?" "Yes, please!" Luster answered. "Alright... well... it happened..." He took his phone out. "... 20 years ago, starting.... now!" "Let me get this straight." Deadpool spoke. "You're saying that you went around, acting like Grogar, got the villains back together as a team, and they took away your magic!?" Standing in the field, surrounded by the X-Force, putting on their gear, was Discord, standing and tapping his paw and claw together nervously. "I mean... yes?" He replied. "But it was all for a good cause." "WHAT GOOD CAUSE!?!?!? You Literally f**ked Equestria with this!!!" "And Discord allow Sombra to smash tree of harmony." Yona replied, putting on her helmet. "Yona would smash Discord for destroying tree!" "We'll handle with him later!" Light Breeze spoke before getting into his Dreadnaught, turning it on. "EQUESTRIA NEEDS THE X-FORCE NOW THAN EVER." "Agreed." Summer Flare added, sharpening her sword. "With luck, this'll be over fast." Deapool chugged some whisky from a canteen. "Just... why on earth did you think this was a good idea?" He asked. "Why!?" Discord asked. "You abandoned the Taco Squad long ago! I wanted to build a team of villains to reform them!" "I'm a team player! And we've been getting together every Tuesday, remember!?" "But I wanted some action! Proper action, not just tacos." "Blame MrAquino for that!" Deadpool cocked a pistol before holstering it. "And let me guess, Celestia sent you to ask uf just in case her army failed?" "Uh... yes." "Damn. Alright... X-Force!" Everyone stood up, all attention onto him. "We head out immediately. If I'm guessing, the new Cyrek is at full power, Chrysalis might look different, and Cozy Glow is more powerful. As we all know, we don't kill kids, so no one better kill Cozy Glow, but feel free to murder the other two. Everyone clear!?" "YES, SIR!!!" The team answered. "Alright... let's move out!" The mane 6 were defeated as young baby dragon, Spike, was dropped off to them. Cyrik, the cyborg version of Tirek, was at full power, standing over everyone and powerful. Chrysalis now adorned green armor on her body, with a yellow hue over her eyes. Cozy Glow was now an Alicorn instead of a pegasus. "Turns out the magic of friendship was your true weakness." Cyrik mocked as an energy beam built in his chest, with Chrysaliss and Cozy Glow's horns glowing. "A fitting end to your pathetic story." "No matter what, we face it together!" Rainbow Dash spoke as they all huddled together. Everything seemed to went slow as all 3 villains fired their magic at the group. And then... white... "Is it over? Can I open my eyes now?" Spike asked. The group opened their eyes to see a towering mech standing over them. "DAMAGE TAKEN. STILL FUNCTIONAL" "Wait, you can't be-" Twilight spoke before seeing Deadpool and the X-Force arrive, running to and landing in front of them. "Better look away, professor." Gallus spoke, putting a clip into an M4, "This is gonna be pretty nasty." "Oh great!" Cozy Glow spoke. "These guys!?" "Yes, Cozy Glow." Deadpool spoke. "You might be powerful now, but there's one thing you lack!" "Ugh, let me guess, 'Friendship'?" "... No. Firepower." He pulled a gun out and fired at Cozy Glow. The filly didn't have much time as something silent was fired, and she felt a prick between her eyes. She pulled out what looked like a needle with some feathers at the end. "What was that!? Did you... just... tried to..." Her vision went blurry before she fell to the floor, snoring loudly. "Heh, powerful alicorn filly can't defeat an elephant tranquilizer dart." "Bah! She means nothing to us!" Chrysalis hissed. "Cyrek?" "With pleasure." The centaur cyborg stood proudly, loud beeping everywhere as his cybernetic eye glowed red, and various weapons started to pop out, aiming at the students. "Spread out!" Selina yelled, jumping and rolling out of the way. The others followed as Cyrek fired a barrage of missiles and lasers at them all, barely hitting them, only causing some to fall to the floor from the impact of the explosion. Deadpool charged ahead, but was tackled by Chrysalis, taking on his form. The two rolled across the floor, landing next to Gallus. He picked up his M4 and aimed at them both. Both Deadpools stopped. "Don't shoot!" The one on the left spoke. "I'm the real Deadpool!" "No! I'm the real Deadpool!" The other added. "... Crap. Sorry about this." He aimed at the left Deadpool and fired everything at him. That Deadpool fell to the floor, a pool of blood forming onto the floor. "Yes!" The right Deadpool cheered. "I knew I could-" Gallus quickly turned and fired at that other Deadpool, causing him to fall down to the floor, making another puddle of blood to the floor... but this one's was green. In a burst of green flame, the Deadpool turned into Chrysalis, gurgling and bleeding with her own blood. The left Deadpool got up, coughing a bit. "What was that for!?" He asked. "Sorry, but only one of you can heal." Gallus answered, looking to Chrysalis. "Plus, I don't think Changelings have red blood, so either way, you were both gonna be shot." "Hmm... fair enough... but I don't know what Fluffle Puff is gonna feel about this." As he said that, the familiar pink fluff of pony showed up, gasping at the scene, rushing over to Chrysalis and picking her head up, tearing up. She turned to the two, fury in her eyes. Without a word, Deadpool and Gallus pointed at Cyrek, who was smacking everyone to the side. Fluffle Puff began to shake violently before rushing to Cyrek at speeds so fast, the floor was on fire. The pony let out a loud scream, that it was actually heard in locations across the multiverse. Somewhere in Maretropilis, a young man with twin lightning guns sat and patted the head of a Twilight-looking pony, before stopping and hearing the loud scream, with the pony looking up as well. "What was that?" She asked. "I have no idea." The human answered. "And don't ask us!" A pair of Ghouls from Tokyo Ghoul added, popping their heads out from the side. A blue, dog headed humanoid overlooking an underground training facility ear's started to flinch as he heard the screaming. "... Something tells me that Deadpool is behind this." An actual Warhammer 40k Space Marine and a Halo Spartan polished their weapons before stopping and heard the screaming. "What was that, brother?" The Space Marine asked. "Either we've gone mad, or that's a daemon or something similar." The Spartan answered. A trio of swordsmen from the worst anime not based on an actual video game polished their swords around a campfire before hearing the scream. "... Should we be concerned?" The woman asked. "... Nah." The other 2 guys answered. Princess Twilight, Luster Dawn, Gallus, and Deadpool stopped as they heard the scream. "Yep. That's how her scream went." Deadpool spoke. "But as I was saying..." Fluffle Puff tackled Cyrek, who didn't have any time to respond before receiving multiple punches to the face, all rapidly and with so much force, pieces began to fall off. It didn't take long before Cyrek's head was detached from the body, and for the head to become nothing more but a paste of blood, gore, and wires. The body only twitched before falling down, deactivating, and Fluffle puff stood there, snarling hard, before falling to the floor, becoming unconscious. "... So... we did it?" Roscoe asked. "Yep. We did." Strongheart answered. "All 3 villains are defeated." "You killed them all!" Applejack yelled. "Nu-uh!" Deadpool retorted. "We only killed one! Cozy Glow is just sleeping right now, and Fluffle Puff just stopped Tirek from becoming an even more powerful cyborg. And you're welcome with us saving you from Discord's dumbass plan to get all the villains together to reform them in his own unique way, completely forgetting that Tirek betrayed him, and all these baddies are just gonna backstab each other as soon as they were done. For now though... everyone! Victory dance!" Music played as the place became a disco floor, and the X-Force performed Jimmy T's Dance, the Feline Fever. "But that doesn't explain how you died." Luster Dawn spoke. "From the sounds of it, you were all successful... despite not really doing much." "Eh, it happens with a lazy writer." Deadpool replied. "And I was gonna get to that, actually. But first, folks, if you've been following me, now you've missed your chance for a crossover with me! Because in the next part of this 3 parter finale, all the displaced heroes together as one against a common enemy, one that many of you should've seen coming back in 2016." "... Who's that?" Deadpool just sighed. "Thanos." Author's Note The Deadpool is deadAuthor's Note Please don't kill me. The Deadpool is dead Deadpool drunkenly stumbled out of Twilight's castle, singing to himself. "Ya-da-da-da-da-da- It is good day to be not dead!" "POW!" Yelled the Purple guy from Fortnite, shooting Deadpool in the head with his gauntlet as a literal finger gun. "You are dead!" "I am dead!" Deadpool fell to the floor, with the purple titan chuckling to himself, but stopped as the Shadow Ranger from SPD Emergency arrived, doing the Conga. Quickly, he threw the golden gauntlet away as the muzzle crushed power ranger arrived. "Oh! The idiot is dead!" The Dog headed alien proclaimed. "Yes. I am dead!" "Why is the Idiot dead?!" "I dunno." Replied the purple guy "I think it was-" Deadpool spoke before being shushed by the two in unison "Shhh, you are dead!" "Ok." It was then that Lance arrived to the scene in a van "What's up, you wankers?!" He asked in an Australian accent. "Who’s up for a- AH! What the- bloody hell just happened?!" "Deadpool is dead!" The two living humanoids answered. A random billboard appeared below the obvious Anime protagonist. "Deadpool is dead!" "Correct!" Anubis replied, followed by an applause from the rest of Equestria's X-Force. "So, did you see the murderer?" "Nah, sorry mate." Lance and Not-Cable answered. The ranger slammed his fist on a desk. "I will find him, I will capture him, and no one will ever die again!" The two others applauded. "Ah, well that's nice." Lance replied. "I am damn proud right now." Grimmace added. "Atteeeeeeeeention!" Shouted a Warhammer 40k Space Marine before rushing to the dead mercenary. "Deadpool is dead!" "We know!" The Alien dog retorted. "Who killed him?!" "We don’t know!" I will find clues!" His buddy, a Halo Spartan, got onto all fours and sniffed the floor, stopping as he picked up a golden gauntlet. " What's that?" He grabbed the glove "A weapon?! That thing is why Deadpool is dead!" "Deadpool is dead?!" Everyone asked in shock. Both space marines broke a desk with their helmets "Yes!" The hulk of a man answered "He died!" The others gasped and huddled together. An ambulance came along, crashing into both Sci-Fi soldiers. "Incoming!" Shouted a Ghoul from Tokyo Ghoul, exiting the ambulance in a sexy nurse outfit. She leaned to Deadpool's corpse, giving him a kiss. Deadpool's corpse momentarily levitated, the merc laughing, but it was short lived as he exploded. "In my medical opinion, that Deadpool is dead!" She exclaimed "Nurse, what happened?" Asked the lightning, dual gun wielder. "My professional opinion?" She took the dead mercy's arm, taking a bite out of it. "Deadpool was killed!" Panic built up in the group. "I don’t think it’s anything to worry about." "Well, now what?" Doggy asked. It was then, entering while doing the conga, was the protagonist of Sword Art Online. "Clipidy clop mothafukka!" He shouted As he went over the corpse. "Look at this! Deadpool's fucking dead!" A pause. "What do you think of that?" Another pause "Ahm…" "Yes, yes, Sword wielder." Lance moaned "Yea?" "Go home!" SAO's mother waved in a car next to them. "Ah come on! Pffff! Freaking unbelievable seriously, you all suck." The car drove forward before crashing. "Ok, let’s get back to the point." Deadpool poked at his other corpse with a stick. "I think Deadpool is dead." He observed. "Deadpool is dead?!" The Tokyo Ghoul turned around and ran to the car wreck, before it exploded, killing her as well. "Seriously?! Who killed Deadpool!?" "It was me!" The Dovakhin from Skyrim proclaimed as he ate a bottle of wine. Everyone gasped in shock. "Yes! I did it like this" He pulled out a bow and fired at Lance, causingbthe anime protagonist to fly back from the impact. "Whoop dee doo!" Everyone looked at their dying friend. "That’s a joke, lads." Everyone laughed with a sitcom-like laugh as he ate another bottle. "It was… yo-Him!" He pointed at Marvel's Darkseid. "How did you know?!" He asked in shock. "I didn’t. That was a joke too." He chugged another bottle before falling to the floor, dying of liver failure. It was then that Josh Brolin's iconic character laughed maniacally. "That’s right! It was me! "You monster!" The Power Ranger yelled. "But whyyyyy?" Deadpool asked. "Cause you’re fat, boy!" Lady Death's Simp answered. "And another thing, you’re ugly." Both Titan and Merc began to argue as the only other humanoid just watched the two, blinking quietly. "Ah dammit Wilson! Fuck off!" Thanos yelled. "You are dead." "No u, POW!" Deadpool blasted his enemy's head right off with a shotgun blast. "You are dead! Not big surprise." "Well that was idiotic." Doggy Kruger replied, walking to a chair and setting a noose ready on a tree. "Off to hang myself! Watch and lea-!" He did a backflip off the chair and hung himself. "I am alive!... Is nice. ...Yes, this is stupid." The author of the story sat in a fetal position in the corner of his room, hoping that no one actually expected him to make an actual epic finale to this otherwise over glorified version of a shitpost story, because he isn't able to socialize with others to make said last chapter, and is trying to survive a pandemic at the time. Only thing he could promise is an ending that may actually be somewhat smart if no one saw it coming. The EndDeadpool stood proudly as his story ended. Twilight, Gallus, Spike, and Luster Dawn all started with much confused looks on their faces. "That was… interesting." Luster Dawn commented. "You left out a lot of stuff, dad." Gallus said. "Like what?" Asked Deadpool "The aliens that invaded the school that night in which you went all 'Beast mode' on." "You and your X-Force gearing up to take on Thanos and his army of aliens attacking the world." Spike added. "How the Elements of Harmony are, as he calls, more Infinity stones, and truly wants to wipe out all life in existence." Twilight herself added. "Not to mention you used some device in the tree of Harmony to summon all of those extra people to keep us safe as you dealt with Thanos and his subordinates." Gallus included. "And how Thanos did wipe out, not only the entire world, but possibly the Multiverse, leaving only you alive because you equipped something called 'plot armor', and had an emotionally charged fight to save everyone that passed because Equestria was the only place in which you did know of true peace and happiness." Twilight listed off. "And how you used something called 'The Infinity Sword' to kill Thanos, and use the last of your strength to use both Infinity Gauntlets to clap everything back into existence, proclaiming that you can truly die in peace and letting out one final 'X-Force Forever'." Spike concluded. The three looked at Deadpool, who was busy scratching behind Luster Dawn's left ear, the unicorn enjoying it a lot. "...What was that?" Deadpool asked, standing right up. "... Still hasn't changed a bit." Twilight groaned. "Oh yeah!? Well I'm gonna say the N-word! NI-" CLONK! Deadpool fell unconscious as a pair of humanoids stood behind him. Both were female, and both were anthropomorphic ponies to boot. One of them looked almost like Deadpool in costume, wearing a blue version of his costume, but with a moon crescent on both hips, as well as both the swaying hair of Princess Luna sticking out of the back of her mask, and some normal looking brown hair sticking out of said mask on the top. The other one wore more combat oriented armor, with her white fur in the open, with hair color to princess Celestia's, but was much shorter. The real thing that stuck out was that her left arm was entirely cybernetic looking, very futuristic looking to boot, and her face was covered by a faceplate that was also a part of her. "Oh, sorry, dad." The deadpool lookalike apologized. She looked up to Gallus and waved. "Hey, Gally! How've you been?" "Eh, nothing too exciting happens around here, sis." Gallus replied nonchalantly. The cyborg-celestia's arm turned into a needle, stabbing it into Deadpool's head before injecting some liquids. "Memories… blank… personality… in check… censorship… on." She listed off aloud, pulling the needle out, which turned into a hologram showing a field in Ponyville. "Now we need the right coordinates and timeline..." she stopped as a familiar mint unicorn sat in the field, reading a book and trying to cast a certain summoning spell. The Cyborg Tia opened a wormhole, revealing the Unicorn below, picking up and throwing Deadpool through it, who just woke up and screamed before the portal disappeared as soon as it came in. "Thanks, Sol!" The Deadpool pony replied, hugging her partner. "You're the best cousin anyone can ask for." Her partner kindly shoved her back. "It was only to make sure the space-time continuum didn't break." She replied. "And the one buried will be coming back in 3… 2… 1…" The sound glass shattering was heard, followed by the door opening as a wet Deadpool appeared from out of the closet. "Ha! Boom, baby!" He cheered. "Great vacation in heaven with my lovely Bone Cheeks, the Fausticorn herself, and Stan, the mutha fuckin man, Lee himself!" He stopped and stared at the two anthro ponies. "... hi dad." The blue pony replied, waving. "Uh…" "You had sex with Princess Luna, and made her pregnant when you saved the entire Multiverse from being extinct." Gallus answered. "Oh. And her?" "I'm Cable and Celestia's daughter." Sol answered herself. "Oh… uh… did he…?" "No, they mixed their genetic codes and had me grow in one of their labs. And you can't judge, since you fucked Princess Luna multiple times." "... Touche. And speaking of, where's my Mooncheeks?" As he said that, another portal opened, and Luna came right out, in the very Road Rovers-esque suits the X-Force wore, holding a machine gun in her arms with a mic set near her mouth. "Neara, are you done!?" She asked. "Come on! Ultron is about to release his army onto the Skrull Empire, and we need you to-!" She stopped as she saw Deadpool. "... So, back from the dead now?" "And you're now furry bait art." I'm so turned on right now! You and me both. "Is something wrong?" Celestia asked, her head peeking out from the portal as well. She saw Deadpool. "Oh, hello there, Mr. Wilson. Your world is the greatest retirement place, especially with your X-Force providing us company." "The rest of the X-Force are in there!?" Deadpool asked. "Gallus!? Why are you here and not-?" He stopped as Gallus was in his familiar anthro suit, cocking an alien rifle. "Waiting for you, dad." He replied. Deadpool teared up, hugging Gallus tight. "That's my boy! But I need my guns." "We've got some in here." Celestia replied, followed by a huge explosion, followed by some maniacal laughter from Smolder. "Oh, there goes a giant Ultron bot." "YOLO!!!" Deadpool yelled, running and jumping into the portal, followed by the others. Luster Dawn just blinked in confusion. "... What just happened?" She asked. "I asked that everyday." Spike replied. Somewhere in Heaven, the Fausticorn sat in a hot tub with Stan Lee, next to his wife, and Mistress Death across from her. "I'm gonna miss that bastard." The Fausticorn spoke. "But how did he come back alive after nearly 2 decades of being dead?" Mistress Death shrugged. "It's hard to say, sometimes. But I will cherish the 20 years I had with him." "EXCELSIOR!!!" Stan Lee cheered. On a beautiful day in Equestria, somewhere, right in between the town on Ponyville and the dreaded Everfree Forest, a mint colored unicorn sat in a field with some stuff… THE END/BEGINNING!!! Author's Note And thus, is the end of both my first, and longest running fic... the latter because I was lazy in the last few chapters. But I hope you enjoyed it all, and if you're new, well then, you're not late to start reading this. Arrival. Pony #1: Lyra Heartstrings. Arrival. Pony #1: Lyra Heartstrings. In a beautiful day in Equestria, somewhere, right in between the town on Ponyville and the dreaded Everfree Forest, a mint colored unicorn sat in a field with some stuff. Some of this said stuff were mostly snacks and a small water bottle, but the real object being used by the unicorn was a book labeled 'summoning 101'. she skimmed through the pages until she landed on one pacific page: Humans. "Alright then," the unicorn said to herself "today's the day: I'm gonna get myself a human!!!" she skimmed through the pages, quickly reading the words on how to summon her very own human, but trying to contain all her excitement. She closed her eyes and concentrated on making her spell. Her horn glowed a green aura, and it shot into the sky!!! A moderately sized, swirling, green vortex opened in the sky, staying there for one or two minutes. "OH S**T!!!" A voice yelled inside the vortex. A red blur came out in super speed, and the vortex disappeared as soon as it came out. The unicorn sprinted to where the red blur landed, seeing it crashed through ground a bit, at least three feet, with it's silhouette most likely being in the ground forever. The outline was definitely human, and she was breathing fast. A red hand came out of the ground, grabbed onto the 'ledge', and the figure climbed it's way out. Almost dramatically, the figure stood: it was a human!!! It was a male that wore read all over it's body (including the face area), had pure white eyes, some black around it's eyes & hand areas, and had a belt with what looks like it's own face as the center. "Oh...my...gosh!!!" the unicorn began to hyperventilate "A REAL HUMAN!!!" " OH MY GOSH!!!" the human screamed in a woman's voice "A DEMON HORSE!!!" "Demon horse? Where?" "YOU!!!" "Me?" "YES YOU!!!" "Oh no, good sir, I am not a 'demon horse', I am a unicorn." "...seriously? A... talking... unicorn?" "Yep. I'm Lyra Heartstrings. What's your name?" "Really? You don't know who I am?" "No... we just met." The human face palmed himself. "Alright... Lyra... The name is Deadpool!!!" "Deadpool?" "That's right!!! Tell me, where am I?" "You're in the land of Equestria." "Equestria? Oh s**t! I remember now!!!" "Remember what?" "This is Equestria!!! the land from my favorite show 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'!!!" "My little pony?" "That's what you are!!! You're Lyra Heartstrings!!! The bronies made jokes on how you wanted to be a human really bad!!! They even made a sex doll of you!!! "Sex doll!?!?!?" "Oh! TMI, now, say goodnight!" "But it's the morning." "I know, I've always wanted to know what rare meat tastes like, and what better way than unicorn!!! "YOU'RE GONNA EAT ME!?!?!?" "That's right! Hold still while I- hold on." His hands reached over his back to pull something, but couldn't find anything. "MY SWORDS!!! NO!!!" "So... do I live?" Deadpool fell on the floor, rolled into a ball, and sobbed hard "I... guess... so... I... won't... be... able... to... kill... here... I... guess." "Well... what's that next to you?" Deadpool opened one of his 'eyes' and saw his gun. "YES!!! My gun!!!" He opened it and looked inside "ONE BULLET!?!?!? Oh well... I guess this is a f**ked up nightmare, I might as well wake up." He placed the gun to his head and pulled the trigger. Blood came out of his head and he fell to the floor. "DEADPOOL!!!" Lyran ran next to the body of the weird human that wanted to eat her. She placed her head on one of his shoulder and began to wept. The body suddenly twitched a bit, and started to get up. Lyra backed up, completely freaked out!!! The hole in Deadpool's head was quickly healed, and he released a long yawn. "Oh man. That...was a weird dream. Now to find wolfie and- OH F**K ME!!!" He turned to Lyra. "Alright! No more fooling around! You!!! Send me home!!!" "What?" "SEND ME HOME!!!" "I'm sorry sir but... I... don't... know... how... to." Deadpool's eye twitched. He got up and marched to Lyra, muttering some things under his breath, and looked like he was going to hurt her. Lyra cowered a bit, whimpering. Nothing happened. She looked up and saw Deadpool standing next to her. He was breathing slowly, and trying to lose tension. "It's okay Deadpool, just try to remain calm. You may need a break from all those adventures anyway. Just... resist urge to kill for now. Someone... or 'somepony', may have the way back." Lyra slowly and carefully walked to Deadpool. He looked at her and she cowered a bit. He extended his hand and began to scratch behind her ear. Lyra's eyes opened on impact, then went halfway shut, as she now in a trance. "I almost forgot the feeling of petting an animal. I just hope you horses are smarter than that mutt back at home." He pulled out his cell phone "OH SWEET!!! FREE WI-FI HERE!!! AND FULL BARS!!! This is much better than I thought!!!" "What are you talking about?" Lyra moved his hand away from her ears. "Hey! Come here!!!" Lyra walked to Deadpool. Deapool reached over her shoulder with her right arm and, using his left, carried the phone over them. "What are you doing!?!?!?" "Taking a selfie!!!" "What's a selfie?" "Back where I come from, A selfie is an annoying thing women do to try to make themselves beautiful to beat their friends & enemies in many social networks. I'm only doing this to show everyone back home where I'm at!!!" "So... smile?" "SMILE!!!" They both smiled as the picture was taken. "I may actually enjoy it here. Today, is a day, where Deadpool rules Equestria!!!" Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next? Mass majority wins. YOU KILLED HIM!!! Pony #4: Rainbow DashAuthor's Note A Jock vs. A Nerdy jock!!! Is Rainbow Dash really a Lesbian? Will Deadpool's sexiness win the day? Who will he meet next? More *in epic movie voice* COMING SOON!!! YOU KILLED HIM!!! Pony #4: Rainbow Dash Deadpool stopped in his tracks. He began to turn his head frantically; something wasn't right. "Deadpool?" Fluttershy asked "SHUSH!!!" Deadpool replied "My Rockwell senses are tingling." "Rockwell senses?" Twilight asked "♫ I always feel like, somebody's watching me!!! And I have no privacy!!! ♫" In a red puff of smoke, he disappeared!!! "Deadpool!?!?!? Where'd you go!?!?!?" Deadpool teleported to one of the windows. A blur of multiple colors passed through the window." That's our target. Who is it? I need a refresh of the show. Ugh. Alright, here's a hint: Taste the What? ... PEARS!!! PEARS!?!?!? Alright, how about this: remember the colors? Yes. A Rainbow. Alright. This is the only pony with a mane of that color. Can you figure it out now? ... Pinkie Pie? WHAT!?!?!? NO!!! That's it!!! You're Stupid!!! No I'm not. What's 9 plus 10? ... 21. You're Stupid!!! "Enough with the vine references." Deadpool told his personas. "We've got to hunt ourselves a lesbian." OOH!!! It's Applejack!!! UGH!!! NO!!! IT'S RAINBOW DASH!!! Ooh!!! That was my 8th guess. Let's... just... get her. Deadpool Teleported away, landing on a nearby house's roof. He crouched behind the chimney & peeked over, seeing the champion of the young flyer's competition by a sonic Rainboom: Rainbow Dash!!! The rainbow mane & tail pegasus flew away from Twilight's castle with a scared look on her face: it's almost as if she saw a ghost or monster. This was, of course, Deadpool, that gave her the hibby jibees. She muttered to herself something in fear; most likely asking questions on What deadpool was, when did he came here, where did he came from, and why he was here. Careful now; we need to show that we aren't a threat to her nor any other colored horse around here. Nah, let's engage in fisticuffs with her!!! "How about we do both!?!?" Deadpool yelled. He hid immediately, as Dashie turned her head around to see what made that noise. I doubt that will work. Deadpool pulled out a single brick from the top of the chimney he was hiding behind. He turned around the corner & stood up, and threw the brick at Rainbow Dash. "M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN SUCKS!!!" Dash turned to the voice & red was being hurled to her face. She dodged it before it could hurt her, but the brick hit some other pony's house. "HEY!!!" Dash yelled "What's your Prob-?" She stopped in mid sentence, as Deadpool was twerking, shaking his butt to the pegasus. Work it out, man!!! WORK IT!!! Nicki Minaj will have to cancel her career thanks to us!!! But... aren't we going to fight Rainbow Dash? Fight? I don't remember anything about fighting. BUT YOU SAID- LOOK OUT!!! Deadpool jumped out of the way: Dash used one of her back legs to stomp on the human, but missed. Deadpool slid to the edge of the roof, got up, and did a ridiculous Kung-Fu pose. "Young grasshopper," Deadpool said, mimicking an old kung fu teacher "You have much to learn." "I don't care who you are," Dash said "But I'm not gonna let some... thing, control my friends and plan to take over Equeatria. And no one, NO ONE, Shakes their flank at me!!!" "...are you done yet? I got Tacos and they're getting cold. Is it alright if you could-" "AUGH!!!" She opened her wings and flew to Deadpool, tackling him!!! Deadpool saw that they were backing from Ponyville, but into an open field, almost similar to where he was first summoned. Dash began to do a series of rapid punches to his face, followed be her grabbing his legs & slamming him into the floor three times before being thrown into the air!!! Dash began to fly back to him, repeating the same series of punches to his face again. She did a powerful kick with one of her hind legs, sending him up even higher, and a really hard punch, sending him near space. She flew to his back and punched him, sending him free falling back to earth!!! He was lucky to turn to his backside, as his back became erupt in flames as he fell really hard on the ground, causing another hole with his silhouette in it, with all his bones broken in the process. "Deadpool!?" Twilight's faint voice was heard "Mr. Deadpool?" Fluttershy's faint voice was heard as well. Oh thank Celestia!!! The Tree & Nerd are here!!! Let's just hope they see us. Come on, move your muscles!!! Rapid healing, remember? "Oh yeah." Deadpool said to himself, feeling his bones cracking back in place. He lifted one of his hands up & climbed a bit slowly out. "There he is!!!" Twilight yelled "That's right. I'm here. Just give me a moment and we can-" "LOOK OUT!!!" Fluttershy yelled. A huge 'BOOM' was heard. Deadpool looked up & saw Rainbow Dash heading right towards him, as she did her signature 'Sonic Rainboom'!!! "OH S**T!!!" The last thing he said. Deadpool's body was crushed by the Super fast Pegasus, and he felt the bones in his neck were breaking apart, as well as his flesh: His head popped off his body, and, almost like a bullet, went super fast & really high into space!!! Twilight and Fluttershy stopped, both mouths dropped wide open. Dash came out of the hole, her wings flapping a bit, and she did some sort of celebration dance. "Aw yeah!!!" Dash yelled "No need to thank me, just saved your lives from our second villain WITHOUT the Elements of Harmony!!! ... Uh... guys? Is there something wrong?" "Something wrong!?!?!?" Twilight yelled "You killed Deadpool!!!" "...Deadpool? Really? Thats his name?" "YES!!! He just came here!!! He was lost, lonely, and needed help!!!" "But he attacked me!!!" "He felt something wrong and thought you were trying to hurt us!!! What were you doing anyways!?!?!? "Oh... that? Well... I was busy with one of my naps when I saw both of you carrying... that. I thought it was some sort of cool prop, most likely a prank on some other pony, until he moved. I saw him move from one of your windows, and I evacuated when he seemed to do something similar to Pinkie's 'Pinkie Sense'. I didn't know who to tell, but then he threw a brick at me and shaker his plot at me!!! Something tells me he was evil!!!" "RAINBOW DASH!!! He was confused and frightened he was being watched!!! Wouldn't you do the same?" "I- well I- you- you're right." Fluttershy walked to the twitching, crushed, and decapitated body of Deadpool. Tears came out of her eyes. "Oh Mr. Deadpool," she said to herself "I... just wanted to tell you... that... you were... actually... nice. You were... similar... to Discord... but I didn't know much about... you." Deadpool's sat right up while it was healing back to it's normal state before Rainbow Dash beat him up. The three ponies screamed a bit, backing up away from the body. The body got up from it's hole, walking past the three ponies, and stood still, holding it's arms out. "What's it doing?" Rainbow Dash asked "I have no idea." Twilight responded "Maybe it's trying to receive something." "LOOK OUT BELOW!!!" Deadpool's voice yelled from above. They looked up and saw Deadpool's head falling from the sky. Deadpool's body readied itself to catch it's own head. It missed. Deadpool's head landed right behind him and rolled to Fluttershy's hooves. "Nice going idiot." Deadpool said to his body. The body simply shrugged a 'I don't know' gesture. " Deadpool!!!" Fluttershy yelled with glee, holding his head "YOU'RE ALIVE!!!" She hugged his head into her chest while snuggling it. This would be SO MUCH BETTER if it was any other woman back home!!! What about those ugly women? Fine... any SEXY women back home!!! Especially those with HUGE BOOBIES!!! Just be glad we HAVE people that care about us!!! Even if they are... well... ponies. "How are you still alive!?" Rainbow Dash asked "I thought I-uh- well- killed you... though it was an accident." "Ah don't worry about it," Deadpool said "This happens nearly ALL the time back where I come from." "So... you're not angry?" "Angry? NO!!! I'm rather impressed at how much you kicked my... plot." Good to see you're not swearing "Do you need me to-" Fluttershy said, holding his head away from her chest & turning him to her face. "Oh! Yes, that would help. Hey Stupid!!! Hold still!!!" His body stood in place, not moving at all. Fluttershy flew to his body and gently placed his head on correctly. They were all amazed, especially Rainbow Dash, to see the body and head's flesh connect together, fully healed. "How did you-" Dash stuttered "It's one of his abilities." Fluttershy replied "He can fully heal almost instantaneously." "And he seems to teleport anywhere." Twilight added "Really?" Dash asked "Can you shoot lasers from your eyes?" "Oh please no!!!" Deadpool yelled "Don't remind me of that!!!" "Oh... sorry I asked." "It's no biggy. We should remember this moment as 'The day Dashie and Pooley met'" "uh... sure?" Deadpool slid next to Rainbow Dash and pulled out his cellphone "SELFIE!!!" "What are you-" "Just go with it." Twilight and Fluttershy said at the same time. Dash made an awkward smile as Deadpool took the picture. He spotted it to his Facebook, showing off all the other heroes & villains on what he's doing. "So," Deadpool said "what now?" ESCAPE!!! Changelings #1- 1/0 (in other words, F**K IT!!!): Queen Chrysaliss and her ugly babiesESCAPE!!! Changelings #1- 1/0 (in other words, F**K IT!!!): Queen Chrysaliss and her ugly babies In a flash of blue light, Princess Luna appeared! "Yes, Sister?" Luna asked "Do you know anything about this 'Deadpool'?" Celestia asked "I... don't recall, sister. I have not meet him yet." "Yes you did!" Deadpool yelled "No I didn't." "You did." "Didn't." "DID!!!" "DIDN'T!!!" "DID!!!" "DIDN'T!!!" "DIDN'T!!!" "DID!!!" "See!!!" Luna froze in place, realizing what she said. "Deadpool?" Fluttershy asked "Yes, sweetie?" "Are you sure you meet Luna in your dream? I read an article that says most ponies in their prime say they dreamt Luna was with them." "Hold on... are you calling me, a liar!?!?!?" "NO SIR!!! You may have hallucinated in your dream, is what I'm saying." "You did hit yer head hard on the floor." Applejack commented. "I did meet her last night!!!" Deadpool yelled "Well... do you have proof?" Twilight asked "Hmm... YES!!!" He pulled out his cell phone "MY SLEEP SELFIE WITH HER!!!" "Sleep... Selfie?" Luna asked, sweating a bit. Deadpool scrolled through his phone "Let's see... Lyra... Mane 6... Vinyle... AH HA!!! Luna!!!" Celestia levitated the phone from him and looked at it: Deadpool had his eyes 'closed', looked like he was drooling in his mask, lying on a bed with his arm around Luna, who looked like she was making an awkward smile as she was pushing herself away from his grip. "It is you!" Celestia remarkably said "Sister, why are you denying meeting him?" "Uh... well-" Luna stammered "Spit it out, Moon Cheeks!!!" Deadpool yelled as he teleported right behind Luna and slapped her plot. Luna's cheeks blushed, but she turned around and gave a MUCH ANGRIER face at him!!! Her eyes flashed green fire, followed by her eyes turning from the regular pupils to a single, cat-like iris. "IT'S THE B***H: QUEEN CHRYSALISS!!!" The fake Luna lifted her back legs and bucked Deadpool directly in the face!!! He was immediately knocked out. Luna turned around to the others. "GUARDS!!! SEIZE THEM!!!" Some of the guards around Luna, in green fire, turned from ponies into weird, pony sized & shaped insect creatures!!! "CHANGELINGS!!!" Rainbow Dash yelled before a couple of the changelings tackled her to the ground! Everyone tried to defend themselves from the changelings, but were easily defeated Fluffle Puff, instead of running away or fighting, ran up to Chrysaliss!!! She jumped and grabbed onto the queen's leg, licking it while showing love. Chyrysaliss tried to shoo her away, but felt it's love. She shrugged and ate it's love, but was still surprised to see it unaffected. She turned to Deadpool. "Changelings." "Yes your majesty!" All the changelings said together "Bring all of these into out hive... especially the one called 'Deadpool'. He... interests me." Sometime Later: Deadpool woke up in an area that DEFINITELY wasn't Canterlot. He found himself in a green cocoon, stuck in between some weird green goop that connected the cocoon from the floor to the ceiling, and he saw that he was upside down. He looked around his area: surprisingly, there weren't any other cocoons around him, only a bed that looked like he could fit in to sleep in, with some scrolls, a fireplace, and books. Whoa! Where are we? If I'm guessing right, with us in a coon, we're in the Changeling hive, and, by the looks of this room, we're in Queen Chrysaliss' room. "What makes you think that, smarty pants?" Deadpool asked himself. The Door opened, and Queen Chrysaliss came in, riding on the back of Fluffle Puff. Told you. "Good morning, Deadpool." Queen Chrysaliss said, almost in a seductive tone "Had a good night sleep? I'm sorry for how we meet. Allow me to introduce myself, my name is-" "Queen Chrysaliss!!!" Deadpool interrupted. The queen's mouth closed and eyes widened in surprise "The name's Deadpool, a.k.a., the handsome man you K.O.ed after I finished off Tirek like how I've always wanted to do with Shao Kahn in Mortal Kombat. Oh... hello Fluffle Puff." "Pfft." Fluffle responded "You know each other?" Chrysaliss asked "Well, duh!" Wade replied "That's... interesting." "What are you gonna do with me?" "...With you?" "Yeah! Please... don't r**e me!!!" "WHAT!?!?!? No!!! What is that?" "It's... famous a prison game!!!" "Really? I gotta try that out with some of my prisoners." WHOAH!!! WHOA!!! "WHOA!!! I was joking!!!" "Really? Well, I'll have to get use to that when we're together." "...Together?" "Yes! Deadpool: you single handedly killed Lord Tirek! He would've made taking over Equestria and feeding my subjects difficult!!! I ask you, Deadpool, to please, I've been alone for many years, and I want... a King!!!" "You want me... to marry you!?!?!?" "YES!!! Together, you and I will begin a new age of Changelings!!! My Brains and your... talents... will aid us in taking over Equestria!!! All will bow down to us!!! We will listen to thousands, in fear and love, praise us, yelling 'Long live the King!!! Long Live the Queen!!!'. Plus, the one named... Fluffle Puff... will help feed our army and our subject will thrive in the new land!!! Be my King, turn into a changeling yourself, and rule the land!!!" "Hmm... sounds... interesting." "'Interesting'? More like Amazing!!!" "Hey! Sounds good! Quick Selfie before we begin?" "Selfie?" "Ptfftpftpffftpft." "Oh... Lay it on me!!!" The two took a selfie, as Chrysaliis goofily placed her face into the cocoon while Deadpool leaned in towards her, taking the picture. "Hey, quick question: when I turn into a changeling king, can I still eat tacos?" "...I'm sorry, but no. You see, a changeling's diet consists of-" "F**K YOUR PROPOSAL THEN!!!" "WHAT!?!?!?" Chrysaliss saw that Deadpool was gone! "GUARDS!!!" Two changelings in armor entered her room. "Yes, your majesty?" Both changeling asked "Deadpool is on the loose! Catch him before he leaves this room and escapes with the others!!!" "♫ Too late!!!♫" Deadpool mockingly sang. They turned around and saw Deadpool was outside of their doors. The door closed quickly, but Deadpool took both of his hands out and gave them middle fingers! The door closed, and he could hear them all banging at the doors. He quickly grabbed some of the good off the wall, super wet but sticky, and threw it at the door's crack. He turned around to walk away but he stopped and saw millions of changeling around him!!! Though the Mane 6 and two princesses were held in chains there as well, all the changelings stopped and stared at him. A loud 'hiss' shook the room, as the changelings began to circle the mercenary, hissing at him! Deadpool reached for his guns, but found nothing was there. DAMMIT!!! They took out guns!!! Let's not panic! We just have to be creative. "Creative?" Deadpool asked "I prefer using references to other films that were creative! 4TH WALL POWERS, ACTIVATE!!!" In a puff of red smoke, Deadpool was now in a bandito outfit, complete with a red poncho, a stylized mustache, and a sombrero over his head! "Wow... Thanks MrAquino. Are we going to do something racist towards Mexico?" Not really... this is from a classic Jim Carrey movie!!! "Did it have an awful sequel NOT starring Jim Carrey?" ...Yes. "Well then, let's get this over with. HIT IT!!!"A single hole appeared in the ceiling of the hive, showing that it was in the afternoon, but the sun was in a spot that it acted as some spotlight where Deadpool stood. Some spanish sounding music began to play and Deadpool danced to it. Some changelings kinda danced with it, but stopped when a couple of their own kind gave him/her a stern look. "What is he doing?" Celestia asked "It's best if we just watch." Luna answered "♫They call me Cuban Pete!" Deadpool sang "♫ I'm the king of the rhumba beat. When I play the maracas I go chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicly boom!!!" Yes sir, I'm Cuban Pete. I'm the craze of my native street. When I start to dance, everything goes chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky boom!!!♫" He threw the maracas away, knocking out a lone changeling that was inches away from tackling from him! Deadpool made an 'uh-oh' expression, but kept singing his song. He began to walk to another side, towards a group of changeling holding larvae (most likely nurse changelings). Celestia, as subtly as possible, used her magic to move the sun a bit, keeping the sunspot on Deadpool. "♫The senoritas they sing and how they swing with this rumbero, It's very nice, so full of spice. And when they're dancing they bring a happy ring the maraquero, El maraquero singin' a song, all the day long!!!♫" He jumped into the air and landed next to Pinkie, taking her hooves and did a tango like dance with the pink mare, though she was really half in the air more while Deadpool did the dancing. "♫So if you like the beat, take a lesson from Cuban Pete And I'll teach you to chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky-boom.♫" "♫He's really a modest guy, although he's the hottest guy! In Havana, in Havana!♫" Pinkie sang along. "♫Si, senorita I know that you would like to chicky-boom-chick!!! It's very nice, so full of spice!♫" At this point, the changelings all danced together, joining the song! Celestia nudged her head towards the others, symbolizing that this is their window to escape. The princess flew up to the sky while Rainbow Dash carried Applejack, Fluttershy with Rarity, and Twilight with Pinkie. Deadpool kept doing his dance and song, but Queen Chrysaliss was ble to finally push open the door, only to stop with an awkward look, seeing all her changelings being distracted by Deadpool dancing AND their prisoners escaping!!! "♫I'll place my hand on your hip, and if you will just give me your hand. Then we shall try - just you and I. Aye-aye-aye! So if you like the beat, take a lesson from Cuban Pete And I'll teach you chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky-boom!!!♫" All the changelings got into a row, following Deadpool to the dance of the beat! The beat dropped, and everyone, following Deadpool went into something that would be epic as a flash mob!!! Fluffle Puff ran ahead to join the crazy dancing, but Chrissie used her magic to stop her. "Start dancing and you won't sleep with me for the night." Chyrsallis warned. Fluffle acknowledged and stood right beside her, though wanting to join really bad. Chrysaliss shot a single bolt in the air, getting some changelings to stop their mindless dancing. "STOP HIM!!! IDIOTS!!!" The changelings turned to Deadpool, snarling and getting other changelings to snap out if it! Deadpool saw they were slowly getting out of their phase and teleported out of the way! Deadpool landed next to the others, who were gasping for breath while getting away!!! "Deadpool!!!" Twilight yelled with some glee "You're here!!!" "I know, baby!" Deadpool replied "Watch this." Deadpool teleported away then returned with a pretty large frog. "A frog?" Rarity asked "What is a frog going to do?" "Fluttershy, please explain." He turned around and dropped the frog down in the hive. "OOH!!!" Fluttershy yelled "I know!!! Frogs eat bugs! Changelings have characteristics of bugs, so that means-" "FROG!!!" A booming collection of changeling voices yelled, followed by screams of panic!!! "That frog's going to eat all of them!?!?!?" Applejack asked "Of course not, silly!" Deadpool replied "I just saw the frog and threw him down there to see what would happen." "...Really?" Rainbow Dash asked "Yes! Really!" Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next? Next part will most likely be added a week after 2015 starts. ANOTHER HUMAN!?!?!? Dan (from Dan Vs.) ANOTHER HUMAN!?!?!? Dan (from Dan Vs.) We move back to Deadpool, who was... uh... Deadpool... what are you doing? "Hmm? Me? Oh, I'm just reading your lame excuse of a Transformers-MLP cross over. Seriously!?!?!? People are into the Michael Bay Transformers, not G1 stuff anymore, get with the times, man!!!" Ugh... please, give me the benefit of the doubt, I tried to keep the original spirit but still have something new. "Oh sure, just like how Universal Studios keeps doing to all of the Dr. Seuss books." Alright, Don't you DARE compare me to them!!! They're rich, I'm not!!! "But seriously, can't you do something better than that? It's fine you added Transformers to "Mares in Black", but please, don't use that as it's own series." ... Can we continue with this story? "Fine. Break time is over!!!" Alright, thankfully, that's done and over with. We move back to Deadpool after re-killing Tirek, he walked back to Ponyville, looking at the strange picture she took with the Necromorph Queen. "Jesus!" He yelled to himself "That thing is so frightening." Where are we going? Beats me, where are we going? "Where this road will led us!!! Come on, you remember this song, right?" Some music began to play behind them "♫Just shoot for the stars!!! If it feels right, and aim for my heart. If you feel like and take me away and make it OK, I swear I'll behave!!!♫" Ooh!!! ♫You wanted control, So we waited. I put on a show, Now I make it. You say I'm a kid, My ego is big, I don't give a s**t!!! Ugh... ♫and it goes like this.♫ "♫Take me by the tongue and I'll know you. Kiss me 'til you're drunk and I'll show you all the moves like Jagger♫" ♫I've got the moves like Jagger♫ ♫I've got the moves like Jagger♫ "♫I don't need to try to control you look into my eyes and I'll own you with them moves like Jagger♫" ♫I've got the moves like Jagger♫ ♫I've got the moves like Jagger♫ "Is that you, Deadpool?" Lyra's voice was heard. The music scratched. "OH S**T!!!" Deadpool teleported up into a tree. He looked around and noticed that he was back in Ponyville. "Deapool!!! I've got someone you know!!! He's in my house, waiting for you! He says you owe him some weapons." Hold on! Those weapons we used to Kill Tirek!!! Those belonged to Dan!!! "Yeah, so?" If we can save him from Lyra, think of all the weapons we can get from him!!! I don't follow. "Wait! I see what you mean. It's time to begin, Operation: Rescue Dan from a Crazy pony b***h!!!" Deadpool teleported next to Lyra's house, where the unicorn looked around. Deadpool picked up a stone and threw it into a nearby well. The unicorn foolishly went to the well, allowing Deadpool to sneak up on her. He reached his hand up to her neck and, pressed her neck. Lyra's ears perked up. "What are you doing?" Lyra asked "Uh... the... Vulcan neck pinch?" Deadpool responded "...If that's a way to make me unconscious, then that isn't it." "Oh... well... time for Plan B. LASER POINTER!!!" "Laser What!?!?!?" Deadpool pulled out a small Laser pointer and activated it. He glowed it in front of Lyra. For a weird reason, Lyra found the red dot to be... beautiful, and she began to chase it with crazed laughing. Deadpool waved the laser pointer around, laughing at how, though thee ponies acted like humans, were still gullible enough to chase after something they can't get!!! Soon, Lyra wasn't alone: random ponies from around the town saw the laser and joined in on the action, some recognizable, others, he haven't meet yet, and, for a strange reason, Celestia joined in, knocking all the other down as she chased the red dot!!! Deadpool quickly went inside the house, turned off the laser pointer, and locked the door inside. A collective groan was heard outside. Deadpool saw the short, scruffy, rowdy & messy human, wearing the familiar black T-shirt that had, in white ledge words, 'Jerk' on it with his blue pants, tied up to a chair with his mouth in a gag, muffling his screams. Deadpool teleported right behind him and started to took off his gag. "FINALLY!!!" Dan yelled "It's about time someone noticed me being kidnapped from that candy colored horse!!! How does she not remember me? She's been obsessed with my hands, but never did she KIDNAP me... or at least... failed at doing it." "Yeah," Deadpool replied "I know that feeling, Bro." "Bro? BRO!?!?!? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M-" "SHH!!! She's outside." "...what makes you think I'm your brother?" "It's just a figure of speech." "...Name's Dan." "Deadpool." "D-Deadpool!?!?!? YOU!!! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO STOLE ME WEAPONS FROM MY PERSONAL PILLOW!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!! I'LL-" The Door slammed open, and Lyra stood in the doorway. "DEADPOOL!!!" She yelled "What are you doing with my Dan!?!?!?" "SAVE ME!!! SAVE ME!!!" "Hold on!!!" The Merc replied. Lyra began to charge at them with one of her eyes being blood shot. Deadpool teleported themselves away from the crazed unicorn, barely making it!!! They found themselves on the rooftop, looking down at Ponyville. "I suppose I should be grateful. NOW UNTIE ME!!!" "Alright, calm down." "I AM CALM!!! I JUST WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE-" A flash of light, and Lyra was back, this time, levitating a taser, tranquilizer gun, and rope with a crazed smile on her face. "You're both my pets," she said wildly "And I... you're... gonna... LOVE ME!!!" "QUICKLY!!! TO MY HIDING SPOT!!!" "WHERE!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled "IT'S UNDER TWILIGHT CHRIS'S HOUSE!!! "WHICH ONE!?!?!?" "THE ONE DESTROYED BY THE RED GUY!!!" Deadpool lifted Dan, still tied to the chair, above his head and began to run away!!! "OH NO YOU DON'T!!!" Lyra yelled "GET BACK HERE!!!" The two (though really, it's just one) ran away from the crazed unicorn, who fired her tranquilizer dart wildly, hitting other ponies, causing them to immediately fall and sleep. The two stopped at the stump that was Twilight's old home. "NOW WHAT!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled "DIG IDIOT!!!" Dan replied "DIG!!!" Deapool began to use Dan as a shovel, hearing him scream as Dirt was placed over his head, being muffled of course, then with the dirt flying in Mid air, Dan continued screaming with a mix of dirt, mud, and worms in his mouth. Lyra caught up to them and released a frightening laugh that stopped Deadpool to stop, giving Dan a chance to spit out the earth in his mouth. "Now..." Lyra began to aim the taser at them "Come out, and you won't be hurt." "... Alright," Dan said, moping a bit. "you win. Come on, let's-" "ATTACK!!!" Deadpool yelled. He threw Dan at Lyra, causing the unicorn to pull the trigger and send volts into Dan, causing him to scream loudly!!! Deadpool teleported, taking her tranquilizer away, aimed it at the unicorn's face, and pulled the trigger. A dart landed in between her eyes and, almost on instant, she fell to the floor, knocked out. Dan twitched a bit, still having electricity running though him from the taser. Deadpool took off the ending cord, giving Dan a break from twitching, but saw him pass out as well. Wade finished the digging with a knocked out Dan, and jumped into a whole where the old Lab was at... but it looked more of a dungeon more than an old laboratory. He quickly took a selfie with the sleeping human, when a lightbulb turned on out of nowhere. "I just got an idea!!!" Deadpool yelled Are we going to get them? "Oh yes!!!" ALL OF THEM!?!?!? "Oh yes!!!" Including- Him? "OH YES!!! People at home: give us the list of the characters from MLP that we all agree on, WE HATE THE MOST!!! I already have Brad, you do the rest. See you next chapter!!!" Author's Note D********s Ponies # 19- 25 and Griffon #1: Nyx, Prince Blue Blood, Silver Spoon, Diamond Tiara, The Flim Flam Brothers, Gilda the Griffon, and He who must not be named.D********s Ponies # 19- 25 and Griffon #1: Nyx, Prince Blue Blood, Silver Spoon, Diamond Tiara, The Flim Flam Brothers, Gilda the Griffon, and He who must not be named. One kidnapping montage later: Deadpool sat down on a chair, where his targets are all tied together with ropes above a kiddy pool with toy sharks in it. His targets include: Nyx, Prince Blueblood, Gilda the Griffon, Silver Spoon & Diamond Tiara, the Flim Flam brothers and... him!!! "Are you talking about Powerpuff Girls 'Him', or-" DON'T SAY HIS NAME!!! "What? Do you mean-" SHHH!!!! "...Is it-" SILENCE!!! "...Brad?" NO!!! MY WAIFU!!! DAMN YOU!!! ALL OUR WAIFUS, TAKEN!!! "...You Bronies need a life. And he didn't take MY waif away. Why, she's right... where is she?" ...Who? "MY TACOS!!! DAMN YOU BRAD!!!" At the mention of Deadpool's voice, all his targets began to wake up. "What the-?" Gilda yelled "Where am I?" "Who's there?" Diamond Tiara asked "I'll have you know: My Daddy's rich and he'll arrest you!!! Take Silver Spoon, not me!!!" "HEY!!!" Silver replied "Twilight?" Nix asked with a lot of fear in it "Is this a test?" "I doubt this is a test, young filly." Flim of the brothers said "Indeed," Flam added "The one who has us may have found out our new secret ingredient to show inner beauty." "OOH! If we make it out, I'll have some of that." Prince Blue balls said, complimenting on them but still being disgusted by the ropes they were in. "Come on guys," the thief spoke "We gotta get outta here!!! I need to visit-" "Not another word." Deadpool spoke, silencing the panicked crowd tied up crowd together. They all looked up. Deadpool came in wearing a simple hood over him, keeping his 'identity' a secret. "What's going on!?!?!?" Blue Blood asked "Unhand me this instant!!!" "You mean us, right?" Gilda growled "SILENCE!!!" Deapool interrupted "You all have committed crimes that the Brony Fanbase would love to see you go through." "Like what?" Nyx asked, sobbing a bit. "Easy." Deadpool pulled out his phone and looked at many various memes on why Bronies hate these characters the most. "For you, Nyx, you are, what we call, a "Mary Sue", and perceived derailing effect you are on Twilight's personality." "WHAT!?!?!?" "SHUT THE F**K UP!!! Flim and Flam: you are both the most revolting con artists around and the main reason why we can't sleep, due to your... music." "We are not con artists!!!" Flim yelled "We just ant to make a few quick bits." Flam added "Sure." Deadpool responded, rolling his eyes "Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon: you are prejudiced against those with no cutie marks and always make fun of the three innocent, and might I add, cute trio known locally as the 'The Cutie Mark Crusaders'." "It's not my fault that they have no talent!!!" Diamond Tiara barked. "I don't want any of this!!!" Silver Spoon pleaded "I just follow her!!!" "Likely Story," our hero continued "Blueblood: you are the most self-centered creature who's up with extreme irritation that makes all of us want to beat the everlasting S**T out of you!!!" "That... is just vulgar." Blueblood replied "Gilda the Griffon: You made Fluttershy cry. That's it." "Seriously?" Gilda responded "What's so special about her?" "... you b*****d!!! And finally... you! I can't say your name, nor your 'human name', but you... you stole Twilight Sparkle! You made her fall in 'love' with you!!! YOU STOLE EVERYONE'S WAIFUS!!! YOU CAUSED DEPRESSION TO COUNTLESS LIVES!!!" "I did?" He asked "But... we just bumped into each other." "...Know what? I'll start with you first." He grabbed the pegasus out of the other and tightened the rope to make sure they wouldn't escape. Deadpool grabbed the infamous waif thief and stared into him with spiraling eyes!!! "What are you going to do to me?" "...we're going for a ride." The place went pitch black, a spotlight was over Deapool and that awful pony!!! Some music began to play after Deadpool's first two words. "It's not... ♫easy having yourself a good time. Greasing up those bets and betters, watching out they don't four-letter, F**k and kiss you both at the same time. Smells like something I've forgotten, curled up died and now it's rotten. I'm not a gangster tonight, don't want to be a bad guy, I'm just a loner baby and now you're gotten in my way. I can't decide hether you should live or die. Oh, you'll probably go to heaven, please don't hang your head and cry. No wonder why my heart feels dead inside: It's cold and hard and petrified! Lock the doors and close the blinds, we're going for a ride.♫" Deadpool dragged the pegasus by his tail, opening to another room, where Dan was sharpening an Axe with a crazed smile on his face. "♫It's a b***h convincing people to like you. If I stop now call me a quitter, If lies were cats you'd be a litter, pleasing everyone isn't like you. Dancing jigs until I'm crippled, slug ten drinks I won't get pickled! I've got to hand it to you, you've played by all the same rules. It takes the truth to fool me, and now you've made me angry!!! I can't decide whether you should live or die. Oh, you'll probably go to heaven, please don't hang your head and cry. No wonder why my heart feels dead inside: It's cold and hard and petrified! Lock the doors and close the blinds, we're going for a ride!!!♫" Deadpool teleported the two to the side of a cliff with a cake shop behind them! "♫Oh I could throw you in the lake or feed you poisoned birthday cake, I wont deny I'm gonna miss you when you're gone. Oh I could bury you alive, But you might crawl out with a knife and kill me when I'm sleeping that's why: I can't decide whether you should live or die. Oh, you'll probably go to heaven, please don't hang your head and cry. No wonder why my heart feels dead inside: It's cold and hard and petrified! Lock the doors and close the blinds We're going for a ride." He telported them back to their area spot where all of his targets were still hanging over the kiddy pool. "So... there are ponies who really hate me?" Orange pegasus asked "Oh yes! And many would LOVE to pay me millions just to kill you!!!" "What about these other ponies you kidnapped!?!?!?" "Them? Eh, perhaps a couple thousand." "HEY!!!" Diamond yelled "I'm worth BILLIONS compared to your head!!!" "Correction: I am worth 17 billion, 734 million, 99 thousand, 432 dollars and 17 cents... tax included. You're all just going to add some cash to that list. But now, we get to the good part!!!" Dan came inside and gave Deadpool the axe he was sharpening!!! "ANY LAST WORDS!?!?!?" "DEADPOOL!!!" A booming voice roared through the crowd. A flash of yellow white, and Princess Celestia stood next to them! "F**K YOU MRAQUINO!!! F**K THAT 'Deus ex machina' BULLS**T!!!" "DEADPOOL!!! What is the meaning of this!?!?!?" "Uh... we're... doing... a... jewish circumcision!!!" "...Does it involve using an axe?" "... it can. Uh... DAN!!! DISTRACTION!!!" "NO WAY!!!" Dan replied, running away "GOOD LUCK WITH THAT!!!" "COWARD!!!" Deadpool looked up to Celestia, who used her magic to take the axe out of his hands. She used the axe and chopped the rope, releasing his targets. "Deadpool," she in an angered tone "Something like can make you-" "Banished on the moon for 1000 years!?!?!?" "... no. You can be-" "Imprisoned in stone!?!?!?" "No! You can be-" "TRAPED UNDER SNOW!?!?!?" "NO! YOU CAN BE-" "LOCKED AWAY IN TARTARUS FOREVER!?!?!?" Celestia face hoofed herself "Sure... why not?" "NEVER!!!" Deadpool put on a gas mask and threw a canister on the floor. On the canister, it was written (though censored for good reasons) 'F**K YOU EX MAKINA'. Smoke began to rise, and everyone who smelt it, fell to the floor, unconscious. Well... what do we do now? WE CAN QUICKLY CUT THEIR HEADS OFF AND ADD THEM TO OUR TROPY COLLECTION NEXT TO TIREK'S!!! We don't have a collection!!! And where did his head go? "I'm pretty sure somepony has him." Somewhere: Tydal was in the middle of a forest. He pulled out his bag and quickly took out the decapitated head of Tirek. "So Tirek," he spoke to the head "how's it like being... light headed!" Silence came between them. A lone breeze flew by the horrible looking O.C. "BOO!" The breeze spoke in it's high pitch irish accent "Y'ER JOKES ARE AWEFUL!!!" Back to the story: Groaning was heard around the Merc. Celestia and all of his targets woke up. "Where are we?" Celestia spoke "Deadpool!?!?!? What's going on?" "Don't worry about it," Deadpool lied to the princess "We're just underneath the old ruins of Twilight's old home, looking for something of value. The Flim-Flam brothers are paying us to do so, you took Blueblood to get out of this house, Gilda is our protection, that guy was trying to hit on her, and those two brats followed here to make fun of this blank flank, who followed me in to find her cutie mark and thought I was pure AWESOMNESS... Which I am." "That... sounds reasonable." "Can we get out of here?" Blue blood complained "this place is SO barbaric." Gilda and the D****e looked at each other. "...So," Mr. D*****bag spoke "Doing anything tonight?" "In your dreams." Gilda replied "BLANK FLANK!!!" The two brats yelled "Stop it!!!" Nyx replied, hugging Deadpool's leg. Deadpool leaned over and picked up the small Alicorn, tempted to snap her neck. "There There," he replied, imagining what it would be like to football kick a small Alicorn. Celestia used her magic and carried Nyx over to her. "What a strange Alicorn." Celestia commented "What's your name, little one?" "My name?" the other Alicorn responded "It's Nyx. Do you know where Twilight is at?" "I sure do. Come on everypony, let's get out of here!" "What a waste of bits." Flim scolded at his brother "It wasn't MY idea." Flam replied. "Hold on!" Deadpool yelled "LET'S HAVE A SELFIE TOGETHER!!!" "Oh YES!!!" Celestia replied "With this group, I'm sure it will be great!" "ALL Together now!!!" Deadpool took out his camera and everyone stood together in a, though tight, rather colorful group! A picture was taken, though Deadpool wants to delete it. Celesita used her magic and all of them teleproted above ground! Though Celestia and Nyx were gone, most likely back in Canterlot, the rest all stood awkwardly in place. Without much to say, all the ponies and single griffon went back to their original paths. Twilight came out of a corner and stood next to Deadpool, who was taking rather deep, angered breaths along. "Hey Deadpool," Twilight greeted herself. "Say, were you... with Flash Sentry?" Deadpool took out the axe and, with the sharp tip, slammed it into his own head right in between his eyes then fell. Some music began to play, with large red text that read 'Critical Mission Failure', with three options below it: a green that read 'continue', a blue that read 'load', and a red that read 'Main Menu'. "I take it you don't like him then, right?" Author's Note Song is based on this video: I've just started playing the Mass Effect games (though I already know how #3 ends) and those who played it will know the 'Game over' screen. Who should Deadpool meet next? A celebrtiy we all hate. Pony # 87: Justin Beiber.A cream coat colored stallion with a brown mane, a mic for a cutie mark, wearing a blue hoodie, all with the looks of a mare, walked around ponyville. He looked around stupidly, only to be hit by a truck! Deadpool, Octavia, Vinyl, and the Taco squad came out of the truck! "There's that N***a that's killing music!!!" Deadpool yelled "Get him!" Both Vinyl and Octavia, using their instruments, beat the s**t out of the pony!!! The pony laid on the floor, dead from the abuse brought by two ponies. "Who was he?" Vinyl asked "Justin Beiber! For far too long, has he escaped. And now... he's dead! He can't hurt the youth anymore!" Back on Earth. "The news have reported that Justin Beiber is gone, and that he may be dead." The news reporter spoke. While the little girls and gay boys cried, every parent (with the exception of a few), did this: Back in Equestria: "I don't think he deserves that death." Discord spoke "Are you saying he should live!?" Deadpool asked with a crazed, twitching eye. "Oh no! He should have a fate worse than death!" "What do you- OH!!! I SEE!!!" Discord snapped his fingers and Justin Beiber was brought back to life. "What the-!?" The beaver yelled "What's going on!? Did I-" Deadpool grabbed onto the gay horse's jacket and brought his face to face "We're going to have so much fun with you... man... woman... thing!" "...I'm a Dude! And are you-" "Roll the death scenes!!!" And, just like that, Justin Beiber died multiple deaths, almost like Kenny from South Park, only funnier, since we know who this guy is! Since I'm too lazy to write it all down, here's some top 10 videos that speak of the many ways Deadpool & company kill Justin Beinber! Author's Note How would you kill Justin Beiber!? Who should Deadpool meet next? The Deadpool Empire!?!?!? Ponies # 95-98: Double Diamond, Party Favor, Sugar Belle, and Night Glider.The Deadpool Empire!?!?!? Ponies # 95-98: Double Diamond, Party Favor, Sugar Belle, and Night Glider. Deadpool woke up in the next morning, feeling the warm coat of Coco. Coco was still fast asleep, lightly breathing out of her nostrils, lightly humming to herself as she slept. By the way she slept, how warm she was, ad the way she made light movements with the only fast thing being her ears flicking flies that were near it, this reminded Deadpool a lot when he was home and woke up with his dog, Deadpooch. He didn't want to ruin her beauty sleep, so he turned around, but screamed when Starlight Glimmer was next to his bed! "AAAAIEEE!!!!" Deadpool yelled! Coco woke up surprised in a state of panic, whining like, well, a horse. She jumped off the bed and ran blindly, hitting a nearby wall, knocked out! Deadpool stared, seeing Starlight Glimmer was still in her statue phase. "GOTCHA!!!" Discord yelled, appearing right in front of Deadpool and next to Starlight. "Not funny!!!" Deadpool replied "It kinda is." Pinkie spoke, climbing out from under the bed with Sonata and Flufflepuff. Deadpool took an annoyed breath and looked at Starlight. "We seriously have to find a way to get her back." "Why!?" Sonata asked "Just look at her! She makes a great back scratcher!" "Sorry Sonata, but we have to find a way to get her back to her unstatue phase!" "And how will you do that?" Discord asked "By going where she once ruled!" Deadpool had Starlight strapped to his back, as he used the train... TRAIN OF HYPENESS MADE BY DISCORD!!! Deadpool in Big Mac's Spot, Fluffle in A.J's place, Pinkie where Lyra is at, Sonata at Derpy's, and Discord as the train. As soon as the Train exploded Deadpool flew into the air, followed by rolling down a hill, a couple of bumps that caused him to hit the floor harder, ending with crashing into an outside table. Deadpool reopened his eyes, seeing ponies around him. Where the hell are we!? We're in the same town from the Season 5 Premiere. Oh! ... What's it called? That... I have no F**king clue. "Are you alright?" One of the ponies asked "Yep!" Deadpool replied, cracking his right arm back in place. "Just a couple of broken bones... some broken organs, but I'll be fine! I'm not sure about her, though." "Her?" Another asked. The falling sound effect from various looney tunes cartoons were heard, and the ponies looked up, seeing the silhouette of what was another pony. She didn't scream, she didn't move, and she probably didn't notice what's going on. "That's her." Deadpool teleported away and grabbed Starlight in the air, spinning uncontrollably until they both crashed in the ground! Dust was around and the ponies whispered to each other on what has happening. The dust cleared, and they were both gone. "WHERE'D THEY GO!?!?!?" A pony screamed "Right here!" They all turned and gasped at the sight of Deadpool leaning on Starlight. "Care to help me find out what's wrong with good ol' Fake Twilight #2?" Silence fell among them. "RUN!!!" A pony screamed "STARLIGHT'S BACK WITH A VENGENCE!!!" All the ponies ran away, screaming as if they were in a B-Cheesy movie or in a Kaiju film. The ponies ran inside their homes, locking their doors and sealing windows, all except for 4 ponies. One on the ponies was a white earth pony stallion with the same colored mane, having one three blue flowers for his cutie mark, the other stallion was a turquoise colored unicorn with a darker shaded mane of the same color & had a pink balloon animal with streamers for his cutie mark, one of the two mares was an earth pony mare that had a dark pink coat, a curly but buttoned purple mane, ending with a simple cupcake with a charry on it for her cutie mark, and the last was a Pegasus mare with a grey-blue coat & a white mane with tail, ending with a crescent moon having two other crescents around it for her cutie mark. Deadpool remembered from the Season 5 premiere on who these were: Double Diamond, Party Favor, Sugar Belle, and Night Glider. Why aren't they running!? They saved the Mane 6 AND went head on against Starlight glimmer to save our heroine's cutie marks OUR HEROINE HAS A CUTIE MARK!?!?!? NO!!! We don't have drugs!!! These four ponies slowly approached Deadpool, ears down to the side of their heads, being very cautious around their old leader, who was probably really angry with them. "Hold on," Double Diamond Spoke "Is that really Starlight glimmer, or is it a statue?" "Oh believe me," Deadpool replied "this is the real Starlight!" "Then... why isn't she moving at all?" Party favor asked "Yeah. Why is she like a statue and not, well, moving?" Sugar Belle added "I asked her how she got her cutie mark." Deadpool replied "She tried to take over Ponyville with a bunch of jars, but it was failed from THE MIGHTY HAMMER OF DAWN!!!" "...okay." Night Glider simply commented, a bit freaked out by Deadpool's sudden yelling. "We remember that phase!" Diamond spoke to Party favor. "Yeah!" Party replied "How did that work again?" "Now hold on guys," Sugar spoke "do we really want Starlight to get out of this phase? You remember what she did to all of us, right!?" "We go Sugar Belle, but it'll be wrong to leave her like that." "I don't think so," Night Glider replied, walking up to the frozen Starlight "I think it's actually fun for her to stay like this!" "It is!" Deadpool spoke "Watch this!" Deadpool, with his right index finger, slowly extended it to Starlight's eye! Now, if Starlight noticed her surroundings, she may have been like Iisac from Dead Space 2, as Deadpool slowly laid his finger into Starlight's eye! In a few breathtaking seconds, Deadpool poked one of the eyeballs of Starlight... followed by her SCREAMING!!! "MY EYE!!!" Starlight yelled "MY EYE!!!" "SHE'S BACK!!!" Sugar Belle yelled, running away! "That's how we did it!" Double Diamond spoke "I now wished we stopped Deadpool." Party Favor added, backing up slowly. Starlight covered her poked eye, seeing the 4 that attacked her to save the mane 6's Cutie Marks. "YOU FOUR!!!" She yelled, her horn glowing "YOU BETRAYED ME AND ALLOWED THEIR IDEALS OF FRIENDSHIP TO SPREAD LIKE A DIEASE AND-" "Shut up." Deadpool spoke, whacking starlight with her 'Staff of Sameness'. Starlight stopped talking, but spoke in gibberish, tried her best to balance herself with a few steps, but fell onto her face with her hind & tail in the air. All the ponies exited their homes, seeing Starlight out of her phase, but knocked out by Deadpool. Deadpool gently kicked Starlight onto her back, as she groggily regained her vision, only to see Deadpool in her vision. Deadpool got up and began to dance around Starlight, many of these done by Various NFL players after doing a touchdown "Did... he just hit Starlight!?" A random pony asked "And... is he dancing?" Another asked. "This guy's awesome!!!" A pony commented. In a matter of moments, all the ponies exited their homes and surrounded Deadpool, cheering that not only did he beat Starlight Glimmer, but he did so without hesitation and how he did it so gracefully! Oh look! We have so many ponies around us. YES!!! Now we'll live like kings!!! They don't want a new leader!color] "ALL HAIL THE NEW FOUNDER!!!" the ponies yelled ...See? Shut up! "Founder!?" Deadpool yelled "Oh no! I don't want any reward for this... not really." "What do you want then?" Sugar Belle asked "Two things: Plenty of Dough and fun!" "I... should have some dough with me" "And how can we pay you in fun?" Double Diamond asked "I can think of one idea." Party Favor spoke with a sly grin. Everypony stopped and saw Deadpool dancing with music behind him. Because of him dancing, they too, felt the urge to dance as well. "♫I come home in the morning light,♫" Deadpool sang "♫My mother asks 'when you gonna live your life right?' Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones, and ponies... they want to have fun! Oh ponies just want to have fun!!! The phone rings in the middle of the night. My father yells 'what you gonna do with your life!?' Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one But ponies they want to have fun! Oh ponies just wanna have- That's all they really want! Some fun! When the working day is done. Oh ponies, they want to have fun. Oh ponies just want to have fun!♫" "♫Ponies, they want to have-♫" All of Sunset's old followers sang along. "♫Want to have fun. Ponies, want to have-♫" "♫Some colts take a beautiful mare and hide her away from the rest of the world! I want to be the one to walk in the sun! Oh ponies they want to have fun! Oh ponies just want to have- That's all they really want! Some fun! When the working day is done, Oh ponies, they want to have fun! Oh ponies just want to have fun!!!♫" "♫Ponies, they want to have-Want to have fun. Ponies, want to have-♫" "♫They just wanna! They just wanna!♫" Deadpool and all the mares sang while the stallions sang the other chorus. "♫They just wanna, they just wanna have fun! They just wanna, they just wanna! They just wanna, they just wanna! Ponies, Ponies just wanna have fun!!! When the workin'! When the workin' day is done! Oh when the workin' day is done! Oh Ponies, Ponies just wanna have fun! They just wanna, they just wanna! They just wanna, they just wanna! Oh Ponies, Ponies just wanna have fun! When the workin'! When the workin' day is done When the working day is done! Oh Ponies, Ponies just wanna have fun! Yeah, yeah, yeah!!!♫" Everypony stopped dancing, sweating hard, as Starlight sat on her haunches, seeing fun they were having. "...I guess... I'm wrong." Starlight spoke, tearing up a bit "Don't feel too bad." Party Favor spoke "This is all... uh-" "His name is Deadpool. Foiled three times by him! He... really is the best thing to happen here." She got up and began to walk away. "Wait!" Double Diamond yelled "You can stay with us! Live EQUALLY like us!" "...No! I can't!!! I've been power hungry without noticing it! I've lied to myself on how all ponies need to live equally, only to then discover that I'm just, if not, worse than the Centaur, Tirek!!! I can't stay here! Plus... you all must hate me, and... you have the right to." Night Glider landed in front of her! "Look," Night spoke "Yes you took our cutie marks away, and yes you ruled over us with an iron hoof, but you did something great!" "And what is that?" "You made this town! You helped us get together! And, your weird phase made us laugh." "...My phase?" "The one where you become a statue when we ask you of your cutie mark." Sugar Belle spoke. "Oh... that." "You wouldn't believe the fun we've had with her as a statue!" Party Favor Spoke to Deadpool "Oh... I can think of one thing." Deadpool spoke, followed by a low purr. "You... really want me to stay?" Starlight asked, turning to the crowd. "As long as you don't steal our Cutie marks and lock them in a vault." Double Diamond spoke. "That... sounds great!" "We got ourselves a new friend!!!" Deadpool yelled. The ponies cheered and ran around Starlight, apologizing for some things that went through their mind, as the 4 ponies with a name came back to Deadpool. "Think she's finally reformed?" Night Glider asked "Giver her some time, thane she should be." Party Favor replied "Thank you for that... thing earlier." Sugar Belle spoke "I'm just glad you brought Starlight here to be reformed. "It's no problem!" Deadpool replied "Though I do have one thing." "Oh... the dough!" "Hold onto that, I just need a moment to capture this!" "And that is?" Double Diamond asked "A SELFIE!!!" They all surrounded Deadpool, who took a Selfie with the 4 ponies that saved the mane 6! Starlight walked up to Deadpool, ears down, having a sad look. "I'm... sorry for what I did." Starlight spoke "You can forgive me, can you?" Her bottom lip went over her top lip, and her eyes watered a bit. She may be evil... but that's still cute. HHHNNNGGG!!! "...Of course!" Deadpool replied, smiling. Starlight ran and grabbed Deadpool's leg, giving him a hug. "Thank you!!! Thank you so much!!!" And just like that, Deadpool was gone, like an Angel's kiss! ... Sorta! "Deadpool!!!" Sugar Belle yelled "You forgot your Dough!" Sugar lifted a canister in her mouth. Deadpool reappeared and took it, disappearing for good this time! Author's Note Well... at least she's cured. Who should Deadpool meet next? And please, only 1 Pony! The next 2 chapters after that will make you laugh, make you cry, and, with luck, crazy!!! What was going on through Deadpool's head? Well... Edit our guy to look like Deadpool and edit a still shot of the Starlight Statue in front of him 300 LIKES!?!?!? Robots # 3-8 and Pony #104 & 105: The FNAF Robots and Pipsqueak with HoofbeardIt was the afternoon at Horseshoe bay, and a little colt sat on the beach, making a sand castle. He was relatively small for someone his age, and was a bit scrawny, but he has a white coat with light brown patches over his left eye, chest, around his tail, & on his left hind hoof, making him look more like a puppy than a pony, but was saved with from being called a dog thanks to his brown mane. He heard what was a boom in the distance, followed by someone laughing and heavy flapping of wings! "THOUEST WILL PAY FOR RUINING THY SLEEP!!!" A familiar royal voice yelled, shaking the breach. "But Cake gobbler thinks it's funny!!!" Another voice replied, taking deep breaths. "CELESTIA WILL FIND IT FUNNY WHEN I SERVE THOUEST HEAD ON A PLATTER!!! "So you ponies really do eat meat!?" The young foal got up and looked in the distance. Traveling & running nonstop, was Deadpool himself, persuaded by the the princess of the Night herself, with what appeared to be jelly on the right side of her face! Before he could react, Deadpool quickly grabbed the foal in his arms and turned around, and tossed him at the princess herself like if he were a football! "PIPSQUEAK!?" the princess asked, before being smacked in the face by the foal, causing the princess to lose her flight and crash into the sandy floor below. Deadpool approached to the two, seeing the small foal cling on to Luna's face for dear life, and the princess clearly knocked the f**k out! Let's hope he's not recycling the same jokes. Wait... aren't we a joke as well? ...Don't you ever make that assumption again. "Princess!" The colt yelled in a British accent "Are you alright? Say something!" "Gonna... get... you... Deadpool." Luna grumbled. "Who are you talking about?" "That'd be me, little Pipsqueak!" Deadpool announced. Pip froze in fear and turned around, seeing Deadpool stand over him like a giant! "What... did you do to her?" "What I did for a few thousand likes like these idiots!" Deadpool pulled out his phone and showed Pipsqueak why Luna has Jelly on her cheek. "...Some of these aren't even 'Smack cams'." Pip commented "Yeah... YouTube tends to do that." Deadpool replied. "What are you gonna do when she wakes up?" Deadpool picked up a shovel. "The only way I know how." "WHAT!?!?!?" "LAND HO!!!" A voice yelled. They turned to the ocean, only to see a large ship heading landing on the beach. A figure swung from the ropes, landing near them. "OH NO!!!" Deadpool yelled "Johnny Depp dressed up Captain Jack Sparrow as a pony!!!" "What in Hoofey Jones Locker are ye talking about!?" the pirate pony replied "The name be Hoofbeard; legend of the Equestrian seas!!!" "A real pirate!?" Pipsqueak asked in excitement "Aye! I have came here to Horseshoe bay to find meself a crew for an adventure!" "Adventure!? Where!?" "A portal opened above me, and I retrieved a map, revealing a place with treasure! I need a tough as nails crew to do this. Will you three be willing to embark on this adventure with me?" "WOULD I!!! What about you princess!?" Luna grumbled with her face in the sand. Deapool lifted Lunas head by her horn. "Throw you... in jail." She grumbled. Deadpool released her, making her face plop into the sand. "She means 'yes'." Deadpool replied "And I have some crew members that will help us out!" "More crew mates!?"Hoofbeard asked "Bring 'em in!" "They're already here." In a puff of smoke, the taco squad appeared! Discord, Fluffle Puff, Pinkie, and Deadpool were dressed in pirate gear, ready to sail the seas... except for Sonata. "What's wrong with you?" Discord asked "I can swim." She simply replied. "Can't forget two other things!" Deadpool announced. In a cartoonish bubble cloud, Deadpool pounced on both Pipsqueak and Luna, forcing Pipsqueak to be back in his nightmare night costume and Luna dressed up as a pirate She looks adorable! Let's hope she forgives us when she awakens. "Come on lads!" Deadpool yelled "Let's earn us some booty!" "Shouldn't I tell my mom about this." Deadpool picked up Pipsqueak and whispered in his ear. "Don't worry about that. Luna's going with us, and she's a princess, so when you return, Luna will take the blame for you being gone on our adventure. Doesn't that sound good?" "It... does... but it fells wrong." "You'll get used to it!" Deadpool's ladies picked up Luna and brought her into the ship. After a few preparations, the ship sailed into the sead, and their adventure began! While Luna woke up after they set sailed, but after seeing herself in the adorable Pirate outfit, and was with Pipsqueak, she forgave Deadpool. While they were off to a great start, everyone was under the hot sun, having only the waves of the ocean being the sound heard. "It's been two weeks since we left Canterlot." Luna complained "2 days since there was a breeze." Pinkie added. "Oh no!" Discord yelled "I've got the madness!!! I'VE GOT CABIN FEVER!!!" "I'VE GOT IT TOO!!!" Sonata yelled "Cabin fever!!!" Everyone but Hoofbeard yelled. Deadpool Luna Pipsqueak Sonata Pinkie Discord ♫I got cabin fever, It's burning in my brain! ♫ ♫I got cabin fever, It's driving me insane! ♫ ♫We've got cabin fever, We're flipping our bandanas. Been stuck at sea so long that we have simply gone bananas!!!♫ *Dancing!* ♫We've got cabin fever, we've lost what sense we had, We've got cabin fever we're all going mad!♫ ♫Grab yer partners by the ears, Lash 'em to the wheel! Dosey doe, step on his toe, Listen to him squeal! Allemande left, allemande right, It's time to sail or sink. Swing yer partner over the side and drop 'im in the drink!♫ ♫We've got cabin fever,♫ ♫No ifs, ands or buts,♫ [color=#265daf♫]We're disoriented♫ ♫And demented,♫ ♫And a little nuts!♫ ♫Ach nor beaver, Volkswagen car! Sauerbraten, wienerschnitzel! Unt is vunderbarr. ♫ ♫We were sailing, sailing, The wind was on our side, ♫ ... ♫but then it died. ♫ I've got cabin fever,I think we lost Deadpool's grip I'd like to get my hands on whoever wrote this script! ♫I was floating in a tropic moon, And dreaming of a blue lagoon, Now I'm as crazy as a loon!!! ♫ ♫Cabin fever has ravaged all aboard! This once fine vessel has become a floating psycho ward. We were sailing, sailing, Heading who knows where! And now though we're all here, We're not all there! ♫ The madness ended when they all landed on land. "...what just happened?" Luna asked, shaking herself back into reality. "I'm going to need to recruit a pegasus for water." Deadpool spoke, pulling out a notebook & pencil, writing down what he said. Who would fit in that role? Anypony BUT Flash Sentry! "This be where the map leads up!" Hoofbeard yelled, pulling out the map. "We follow the map west and head to a placed called 'azzip raebzaf ydderf'" "He's speaking fancy!" Pinkie yelled "Let me guess," Discord spoke "Another song?" "Nope!" Deadpool replied "A traveling montage! Yo! Hit the song 'The Trail we Blaze'" Everyone fell down into the misty area, landing into a large bundle with Pipsqueak being the cherry on top. "Everypony alright?" Luna asked. Everyone groaned in response "Good enough." "GET OFF ME!!!" Hoofbeard yelled. Discord snapped his finger and everyone got up. "The treasure should be right here." "You mean that building?" Sonata asked, pointing out to a building. "That may be it." He pulled out his sword "Prepare yeselves!" "Hold on just a minute." Deadpool spoke, walking ahead. He looked at the building. That sign!!! It can't be! Oh f**k that! "Hold on... that map!" Deadpool took the map away from Hoofbeard.Carefully, he turned it around and looked at it. "THAT'S FREDDY FAZBEAR PIZZA!!!" "What is that?" Luna asked "...Five Nights at Freddy's" The sound of footsteps came, each sounding heavy and robotic. "I'll handle this." Deadpool pulled out a heavy machine gun out of nowhere and walked inside. Heavy firing was made inside, a man was inside yelling "Pizza!", followed by Deadpool screaming loudly. Silence fell. The door opened and Deadpool exited, holding another human." "ANOTHER HUMAN!?!?!?" Pinkie yelled "Not just any human," Deadpool replied "Scott Cawthon!" "...who's that?" Pipsqueak. "The creator of those animatronics inside. You may not want to enter though, they'll scare the s**t out of you." "Let me go!" Scott yelled "I'm busy making Five Nights at Freddy's 5!!!" "Not anymore! Let's get outta here!!!" "What about the treasure!?" Hoofbeard yelled "Relax! This guy's worth millions online! I'll sell him on E-bay or Amazon!" The pirate squad left. Unfortunately, inside the pizzeria, the robots, even with bullets, Freddy, Chica, Bonnie, Foxy, the balloon boy, and the puppet got up. Everyone was back in the seas, as Luna, Pipsqueak, and Deadpool had a chat with each other. "So he's spread fear in your world?" Luna asked "Hell ya!" Deadpool replied "And, let's not forget, when game companies release a game that feels the same to the first, they at least give it a year. Scott, on the other hand, releases a game ever three to four months." "Maybe he's just hyper at working." Pipsqueak commented "I don't think so little one, he seems more or like a-" "ONCOMING SHIP!!!" Hoofbeard yelled. Everyone turned to see that another ship was heading towards them, and, controlling the mast, was Foxy the Pirate, and the crew was the other robots!!! "Get ready everypony! Battle stations!" "Let me handle this." Deadpool spoke. He teleported into the FNAF ship, wearing what was a mix of a Freddy head, Chika torso, Foxy arms, and Bonnies legs. He then performed the dance of the FNAF. The robots stared at him, then gave a 'Seriously?' look. The puppet reappeared with Scott in it's hands! "Finally!" Scott yelled "Freedom! Attack!!!" The robots jumped at Deadpool, but he reappeared on Hoofbeard's ship. "If it's a fight ye want, it's a fight ye will get!" Deadpool yelled in his best pirate accent. The resulting fight was this: The ship sunk, but the robots and Scott were brought onto Hoofbeard's ship! Deadpool took out his sword "Enough of this motha f***a!" Deadpool commented. He sliced Scott's face off, only to reveal that- "HE'S A ROBOT!?!?!?" Pipsqueak yelled, hiding behind Luna. "I knew it! The FNAF sequels, the reason Terminator's been going down the drain, it's all because of you! You're from the future!!! Why are you here!?" "...To make myself rich, of course." Scott replied in a more robot sounding voice "Rich!?" "Yes... the FNAF sequels will make me rich in less than two years. I can thank the internet for making me more popular. It started off as small thing, then it grew like wildfire! Plus, people will love the story! They will love the fact that they have to solve it rather than be explained!!!" "Well... what's real the lore!?" "... My rise to fame." "Not anymore!!!" Remove telekinesis The puppet exploded and balloon boy jumped into the water because HE SUCKS!!! The rest, however, shook and looked at each other, as iuf this is their first time. "What do we do with these?" Discord asked "I think they'll be helpful in their way." Deadpool replied "Set sails to Equestria!!!" Author's Note -Foxy the Pirate is now a proud member of Captain Hoofbeard's crew... if you can call himself being the crew. -Bonnie the Bunny now performs with a band called "The Horseshoes" -Chicka is living inside Fluffle Puff's fur, eating all the pizza she could want. -Freddy became a lawyer. -Luna was able to spare Pipsqueak punishment, but now she needs to make sure Pip's family never gets a nightmare for the entire year. -The Taco squad is still together. -Deadpool is still Deadpool, so... no reason to mention him here. Who should Deadpool meet next. Also, 300 LIKES!?!?!? ROLL THE OVERUSED MEME!!! Smoke weed Everyday. Pony #106: Tree Hugger ...What did you expect? Fo schizzle my nizzle! Author's Note Yeah... got busy with other stuff and was too lazy. 6000 views!!!Deadpool fell from the sky and fell into a convenient hole near Canterlot's castle. Ok, by falling into a hole, his upper body fell into the whole while his legs stuck out. He struggled to free himself, but nothing was working. "Fine! I guess I'm going to teleport myself out!" He said. Unfortunately, his belt fell off. "Oh F**k you!" But, a stallion approached to him. The stallion was red like Big Mac, had the same color mane & tail as said stallion, but he was average sized wore a black vest with a green tank top underneath, and he was a unicorn. Sounds familiar. It's Firebrand. "Uh... what's this?" He asked "First, I was going to watch the latest episode, now I'm in Equeatria as my OC, and... is that... Deadpool?" "Yo! Wassup!? That's me, Deadpool... stuck in this convenient hold with my ass in the air. Care to help me out?" "...Yeah, as awesome as it would be to help you, can't you teleport?" "Belt fell off. Can you pull me out? Just yank me out and-" "Yeah, see, I'm actually busy right now, so I gotta-" "Busy!? Too busy to help me out? Deadpool? Better give me a good explanation that isn't boring!" Unbeknownst to Deadpool, Firebrand began to do some hopping, but- "Wait? Is that... music? I'm the only one meant to sing!!!" "♫ I'm busy, busy, dreadfully busy You've no idea what I have to do. Busy, busy, shockingly busy Much, much too busy for you.♫" "Huh... Veggietales, eh? Say, if you're not that busy to sing, care to tell me what you thought of those redesigns of the characters?" Before Firebrand could speak, another voice came, this one, a woman's. "Firebrand!? What are you doing here? And... is that Deadpool?" "Ink Rose?" Firebrand asked "What are you doing here? And yes, this is Deadpool." "Yo!" Deadpool spoke "Care to help me out?" "...Sorry, but I'm busy." She replied "How busy can you both be!? Can't you help a guy out evey once in a while?" The two ponies stared at the man for a while, but they both said with a smile. "♫We're busy, busy, dreadfully busy You've no idea what we have to do. Busy, busy, shockingly busy Much, much too busy for you.♫" The two began to do a ballroom dance together. "♫'Cause we're busy, busy, frightfully busy More than a bumblebee, more than an ant. Busy, busy, horribly busy We'd love to help, but we can't!♫" "See ya!" Firebrand added. Both walked away. Deadpool fell deeper into the hole. "Oh s**t." He fell into a dark area, and landed on a large pile of snow "...ow." Deadpool looked up to see the two most famous Skeletons: Sans and Papyrus, the skeleton brothers from Undertale! "I'm telling you, Sans!" Papyrus began. "Once I find my first human, I'll be let into the royal guard for sure!" "You mean the thing standing right in front of us?" Sans asked, pointing at Deadpool. "EGAD!!! A HUMAN!!! Quickly Sans! Initiate the puzzles!!!" "That kinda looks like an adult." "Whatever!" "You do realize he's gonna fight back, right?" "Oh boy! I love this part in the game!" Deadpool spoke "Yo! Hit the theme, but with a remix!" Papyrus threw some bones at Deadpool. The Merc, however, was able to dodge them rather quickly, but was caught off guard when a sword came and stabbed right inbetween his eyes. "Ha! Got 'em!" Papyrus spoke "And not with my bones!" A NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES!!! Deadpool, after pulling the sword from his face, was introduced to... Deadpool? "What the-!?" Our Deadpool said in shock. "Who the f**k is this!?" "What does it look like, dumbass?" The other Deadpool asked "I'm Deadpool, the sexiest Motha Fucka!" "HEY!!! You're swearing and it isn't censored!?" "Yep!" "Oh, I'm gonna enjoying killing me you son of a b***h! DIE!!!" Our Deadpool (Who we'll call Deadpool 1 now) was meet with a blue blast, blowing him away with a burn, only to be impaled by a nearby tree. His vision blurred, but he saw that next to his... evil self... good self... mirror self, was the mirror Luna. "So glad to see you drop by, Lu-Lu." Mirror-Pool (yes, we're gonna call him that) said as the evil looking walked next to him. "Please, I wouldn't my Wittle Wade to be hurt, do I?" She replied. "Wait!" Deadpool 1 spoke "Lu-Lu? Wittle Wade? Are you both... you know?" "Yes." Both answered bluntly. "...Uh... how does it work, exactly? Do you... stick it in there? Is she on top? Do you do a spell that makes a-?" Mirror Pool pulled out a pistol and blasted Deadpool in his face, leaving a hole. "Thank you." Evil Luna spoke "That was making me uncomfortable." "Eh, no worries." Mirror pool replied "And he should be dead now. But, for the fun part!" "Oh, you horny human!" Deadpool 1 healed quickly and saw the two making out with each other. WHOO!!! YEAH!!! Get it on! F***ing pig. This is a different form of Bestiality. Nah! They can talk! And she wanted it! ... That's just gross. Deadpool carefully pulled himself out and ran into the forest... before tripping over this world's Luna. "Deadpool!?" She asked in shock "What are you doing here!?" "I fell." Deadpool replied "What are YOU doing here!?" "I was investigating a somewhat large cosmic shift beneath Canterlot. Who know this world existed... and somehow... it seems Familiar." "The Moon in the Dark." "...What?" "Read it! Along with you people! Go and support Tats and tell 'im Deadpool sent ya! Oh, and we got a mirror problem." "Mirror problem?" "Yeah, ourselves from the mirror-verse is here." "...Our evil selves?" "Hm... maybe to you, but I'm not so sure about myself, but we gotta find a mirror while they-" Deadpool froze as Loud moaning was heard. DAMN!!! THEY'RE GETTING IT ON!!! Now would be a good time to run before this turns into a Mature Fic. Unfortunately, they were meet by the somewhat familiar figure that no one cared about. "I am Kul'as!" He shouted "And I am here to-!" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." Deadpool said, walking by him. "...You're not serious? I'm the great-" "Yeah, see, that's the problem: You're an unknown character that claims to be great, but if any of the readers remembered, I kicked your ass offscreen while the Author made a serious of fake commercials. Do you REALLY want that to happen again?" "...YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!!!" "Not on my watch!" Luna Spoke. "Alright! Teamwork!" Deadpool spoke. Kul'as charged, but was followed by Deadpool and Luna. They both ran to each other and- Kul'as was defeated. "See?" Deadpool spoke "We did the same joke, but we have ACTUAL videos this time!" "What is... thouest... talking about?" Luna asked, breathing hard. "Oh, nothing. Now, for my reward." He took the bottom part of his mask off and perked his lips into a kissing formation. Luna stared for a moment, then walked away. "Only in thy dreams." "OKAY!!! Tonight!?" Luna groaned, but stopped as she saw her mirror self and Deadpool... who was putting his belt back on. "Sorry about that." Mirror-Pool said. "Luna and I were just making a baby." Luna stared. "You... you both-!?" "What's wrong?" Mirror Luna asked "Never thought that I'd have myself a wonderful husband?" "HUSBAND!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled. "Yeah," Mirrorpool replied, showing his right hand with a ring on the ring ring finger. "When we first meet, love sparked around us. Since then, we've been having fun as the most evil being in Equestria." "Oh great! My mirror self has become a 1 dimensional villain that wants to do evil!" "Hey! I'm not evil! I allowed Francis and the Fant4stic to live." "YOU B*****D!!!" Kul'as appeared next to the mirror selves. "Go!" He ordered "Kill your weak selves!" "Weak!? We ain't weak! We kicked your ass!" "Ooh!" Mirror pool said "They did!? You're weak as hell!" "I'm not weak!" The beast yelled "I am the great-!" "Blah-blah-blah." Both pools said in unison. "Get yourself your own movie, then we'll talk!" Both turned to each other. "Did we just say the same thing!? We did!!!" Both Lunas stared at each other. "...Do you think they're going to have gay sex?" Mirror Luna asked. "What is... sex?" Luna asked. Kul'as facepalmed himself. "Looks like it's time for Plan B." He muttered to himself. He opened a portal and went into it. "Where did he go!?" "Eh, he's going back in time to kill us all." Mirror Luna answered. "...We must stop him!" "Eh, we did." Deadpool said "If he were to kill us, then we'd be gone." "But since he's such a pussy," Mirrorpool added "it's not that hard." "But how did we go back in time?" A ball of Electicity came and blasted them all away. Out came was a full grown Flurry Heart... with the face of Arnold Schwarzenegger. "WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?" "Deadpool!" She spoke with the voice of Arnie. "I require your assistance! We need to travel back to prevent-!" "Gotcha." Deadpool spoke, hopping onto her back. "Hi-Ho! Deadpool away!" They disappeared. All froze and blinked. "...Truce?" Mirror Luna asked "Truce. ... I need a shower." Deadpool and Arnold-Heart landed in the crystal Empire. "Cool! A young sombra!" Deadpool spoke, picking up a filly Sombra. "Hey, want a crystal?" He pulled a crystal out of nowhere. "...Crystalssss..." The Sombra colt said in his adult voice. "Stop messing the time-space continuity!" His companion spoke "We need to-" "Ooh! Grogar!" Deadpool spoke, pointing at a goat. He pulled out a sniper and fired at it, leaving a bloody hole in it's skull. "DEADPOOL!!!" "UMBRA QUEEN!!!" He punched a female Sombra, knocking her out easily... who exploded and attached itself to the young Sombra. "DEADPOOL!!!" "Ooh!" He picked up a pink Crystal pony filly with a blue mane. "Hey, Radiant hope. How you doing?" "Uh... who are you?" she asked "I am your father!" "...what?" "There's the b***h!" Deadpool teleported away with Radiant Hope and stood in front of Kul'as. "You followed me here!?" He demanded "You will-!" "TYPE 3 DIABEETUS!!!" Deadpool lifted Radiant Hope to Kul'as. He stared. "...What's that gonna-?" "Daddy?" she asked. "HHNNNG!!!" He died from a heart attack. Deadpool arrived back to the Canterlot castle, holding the decapitated head of the Kul'as guy, but peeked as he saw Luna. ooh! She's naked! They're all naked. But she doesn't have her jewelry on! Fine... I guess we can call that naked. "...Hey guys?" He asked his voices "You know what's weird?" What? "All this time... I didn't love myself." We do love ourselves! He means the other one. Wait... you mean... we haven't-? Yes. "And just seeing Luna walk in... really naked... I'm... oh god!" Use your brain! We'll use both! "F**K IT!!!" Deadpool ripped his clothing off, but to keep this teen, there's a cenor bar around his lower area, though his butt was shown. "Time to rock our bodies!" Deadpool ran through the hallway, scarring all the guards and staff members mentally. Deadpool found Luna in the shower... singing? She knows the Backstreet Boys!? Crap. Now we're turned on. Deadpool literally slid in, scaring Luna. "What the-!?" she yelled "Deadpool!? You're... naked!!!" "So are you!" he replied "And I must say, your singing's wonderful!" She blushed. "Uh... it's... it's just a hobby!" She turned the shower off and threw herself and Deadpool a towel. "Please! Put on some clothes! I... I can't stop looking at..." she shuddered. "What? I'm not embarrased. 'Sides, it's not like you wear clothing yourself." "I do, but Equestria's form of clothing is much different than yours. And I prefer that you wear your suit." She walked into her room, but saw Deadpool lying on her bed with a bathrobe on. "Come on, Princess. You know you love me." "...What?" "Our Mirror selves! They're married!" "...So? If they're married, it's their choice, not ours." "Maybe. But, tell me, why aren't we in love? Didn't you fell in love before?" She froze, but let out a deep breath. "Deadpool... I am a princess, I have duties to perform, subjects to help, and this country would be lost if my sister hadn't lead it when I was banished. I can't 'find love' because I'm busy. Now leave and perform your... juvenile actions." Deadpool stared. "Juvenile? Is that what you think of me? As some kid!?" "You act like a child, Wade. Now leave." "Oh no! I'm no child, Missy! I'm a full grown adult! In fact, do you know what I am!? I'm a goddamn psychopath and mercenary!!!" Luna turned with anger in her eyes. "You think I don't know that!? You've killed some of our residents, and if not, you've psychologically damaged them with your actions!!!" "I don't damage people! I make them laugh!!!" "Does your definition of laughter involve subjects to go to the psychiatry ward for help!? You are the most annoying, destructive, and immature being I have meet! I'd rather be with Discord than with you!!!" Deadpool gasped. "...Oh yeah! Well... you're... you're just an OVER RATED PRINCESS!!!" "WHAT!?!?!?" "YOU'RE OVER RATED!!! 'Oh! People are ignoring me!!! I'm gonna use dark magic to get their attention!'" "Stop it." "'Oh no! I've been Nightmare moon for about 10 minutes! I've been banished to the moon! I'll get my revenge soon!'" "Stop it!!!" "'Oh! I feel so much guilt for causing a 2 hour stop in time! I gotta punish myself by making a Tantibus because I can't forgive myself for doing something that was small and forgotten by most ponies!'" "STOP IT!!!" "'And you're immature, Deadpool! I've ignored your backstory about how you have cancer and are hiding your face to be accepted by society! I don't think you're my type! I want to be alone so I can get to work and-'" Luna plunged herself at Wade and delivered a right hook across his face, knocking his mask off. "SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!!" She teared up. "Oh, did I do that? Did I struck a nerve, Mooncheeks?" Luna growled at him, snarling at him, and lunged at him. She grabbed him by the back of his head and delivered a passionate kiss. Deadpool grabbed her and delivered a passionate kiss himself. "I... hate you... so much!" "Well I love ya!" Deadpool stood up and both landed on her bed. Luna rested on her back. "Go on! Do it! Do it you f***ing moron!" Deadpool panted heavily as he took his robe off "That's more like it!" Deadpool lunged himself to Luna, and they both- Both Luna and Deadpool laid next to each other in bed, covered by the blanket. Sweat ran down from their foreheads, both had a smile, breathed heavily, and the room was now a mess, littered with... NSFW things... unless you work there. "...Deadpool." Luna spoke. "...Yeah?" Deadpool replied "You... made me... the happiest mare... alive!" "Heh, I'm glad I did!" "Now... I see why... they call you... a stallion." "Yeah." "...Well... think we should... make a room... for the baby?" "Pfft! Nah. I'm sterile." "Oh... thank goodness." Both laid down silently. "...Wanna go another round?" "F**k yeah!" "Awesome!" Unbeknownst to them, their moans were heard around the castle. Many of the staff members blushed as they heard their princess and Deadpool moan loudly, the guards around were tempted to look, and possibly peek, on what was happening, and Celestia... Celestia sat on the throne, blanked out. "... Sister," she said to no one "... I pity and envy you." Author's Note ... I can't believe I made this. I apologize... dearly. Not as Gay as Twilight: Steven MagnetDeadpool sailed across the Equestrian Sea on a yacht that he 'borrowed' from the chairman of the board of Warner Bros. As much as he wanted to stay with the Warner Brothers, and the Warner Sister, he had to continue his adventures in Equestria. And we want the attention! W***e. Of Course, being Deadpool, the Taco squad was with his, along with their newest member, Surprise. Deadpool and Discord wore navy uniforms, but Sonata was dressed like a biker, Pinkie was a Native American/Indian, Flufflepuff wore a Fix-it-Felix outfit, and Surprise was a cowboy. Wait a minute... is this-? It is. HIT IT!!! In the Navy by the Village people played as they repeated everything in the music video. Deadpool blew into a whistle as everyone else followed, clapping together. ♫Where can you find pleasure Search the world for treasure Learn science technology? Where can you begin to make your dreams all come true On the land or on the sea? Where can you learn to fly Play in sports and skin dive Study oceanography? Sign up for the big band Or sit in the grandstand When your team and others meet?♫ ♫In the navy! Yes, you can sail the seven seas! In the navy! Yes, you can put your mind at ease! In the navy! Come on now, people, make a stand! In the navy, in the navy! Can't you see we need a hand!? In the navy! Come on, protect the mother land! In the navy! Come on and join your fellow man! In the navy! Come on people, and make a stand! In the navy, in the navy, in the navy (in the navy)♫ ♫They want you, they want you They want you as a new recruit!♫ ♫If you like adventure Don't you wait to enter The recruiting office fast! Don't you hesitate There is no need to wait They're signing up new seamen fast! Maybe you are too young To join up today Bout don't you worry 'bout a thing! For I'm sure there will be Always a good navy Protecting the land and sea!♫ ♫In the navy! Yes, you can sail the seven seas! In the navy! Yes, you can put your mind at ease! In the navy! Come on now, people, make a stand! In the navy, in the navy! Can't you see we need a hand!? In the navy! Come on, protect the mother land! In the navy! Come on and join your fellow man! In the navy! Come on people, and make a stand! In the navy, in the navy, in the navy (in the navy)♫ ♫They want you, they want you They want you as a new recruit♫ Who me? ♫They want you, they want you They want you as a new recruit♫ But... but... but... I'm afraid of water. Hey, hey look Man, I get seasick even watchin' it on the TV! ♫They want you, they want you in the navy♫ Oh my goodness. What am I gonna do in a submarine? ♫They want you, they want you in the navy♫ ♫In the navy! Yes, you can sail the seven seas! In the navy! Yes, you can put your mind at ease! In the navy! Come on now, people, make a stand! In the navy, in the navy! Can't you see we need a hand!? In the navy! Come on, protect the mother land! In the navy! Come on and join your fellow man! In the navy! Come on people, and make a stand! In the navy, in the navy, in the navy (in the navy)♫ "...That was fun!" Surprise spoke "Is this what you guys do all day!?" "Eh, pretty much." Deadpool said. "Though I'm sure you guys do... whatever it is you do when I'm not around." "PARTIES!!!" Pinkie cheered. "Chaos!" Discord said, twiddling his claws together "Tacos!" Sonata said, her mouth stuffed with Tacos. "PTHHTHTPHTTHTHTHPP!!!" Fluffle Puff said while... dressed up as a Nazi? "Really!?" Deadpool asked "And what makes you believe that the Wolfenstiein won't appear and kill him again?" The boat shook violently. "ICEBERG!!!" Pinkie yelled "ABANDON SHIP!!!" Discord teleported away, Fluffle puff & Sonata jumped into the ocean, though Fluffle Puff turned into a raft as Sonata turned into her seahorse form, Pinkie used her balloons, and Suprise flew off. "YOU COWARDS!!!" The water erupted as a giant figure overshadowed Deadpool. Deadpool turned and dropped a brick... literally, he dropped a brick. Why were you carrying a brick near your ass, Deadpool? "For this visual gag." Deadpool turned to the monster and pulled out his sword. "Alright, monster! I've watched enough sea movies to know how to take you down! Now flee, or else-!" "Oh my gosh!" The monster spoke in an all too familiar voice "Are you Deadpool? Cranky told me about you and I have been DYING to meet you!" "...Steven Magnet?" "Oh my gosh! You know me!?" The monster lowered itself, revealing it's large, purple head with orange hair & mustache. "I'm very flattered that you know me, Mr. Deadpool! How do you know me?" "Well... Youtube's captions weren't great, so it said that your name is Steven Magnet, and it was confirmed during Cranky and Matilda's wedding. And please," He pulled out his own Fabio Lanzoni-ish wig and put it on. "I too am a man of fashion!" "Ooh! A fabulous person like me!? You must get around a lot." "I do, my fabulous Sea Serpent." Steven blushed and waved at him. "Stop it! You're just as fabulous as me!" "We're both fabulous." "How fabulous are we?" "Hm... ANOTHER SONG!!!" WHAT THE-!?!?!? Only 1 song per chapter, Dead- How's it going bros? My name is Pooliepie. Hello? Is anyone in there? Hello? Is anyone in there? Oooo! Snoop dawg! Hello? Is anyone in there? Hello? Is anyone in there? Oooo! Snoop dawg! Oh you! Oh you! Oh you! Oh you! Oh you! Oh. ♫He's so fa-fa- fabulous. ♫ Likes to dress up. ♫Fa-fa- fabulous. ♫ Wearing make up. ♫So fa-fa- fabulous. ♫ What a get up! Like a pinup. Shaking that butt. Where you going man? Where you going man? Please tell me. I am really curious. (Pooliepie, Pooliepie.) Where you going man? Where you going man. Please tell me. I am really curious. He's a wizard! ♫He's so fa-fa- fabulous. ♫ Likes to dress up. ♫Fa-fa- fabulous. ♫ Wearing make up. ♫So fa-fa- fabulous. ♫ What a get up! Like a pinup. Shaking that butt. ♫So fa-fa - fabulous. ♫ As a mermaid. ♫fa-fa - fabulous.♫ Or a hot babe. ♫fa-fa - fabulous. ♫ What a get up! Like a pinup. Shaking that butt. (Pooliepie, Pooliepie.) I think me and my Mooncheeks are perfect together. (Pooliepie, Pooliepie.) And I love her. Oh hey girl, girl. Can I sit next to you. I love benches. I love benches. Hue ha ha hue! Hue ha ha hue! Hue ha ha! Hue ha ha! Hue ha ha! I'm so fabulous! ♫He's so fa-fa- fabulous. ♫ Likes to dress up. ♫Fa-fa- fabulous. ♫ Wearing make up. ♫So fa-fa- fabulous. ♫ What a get up! Like a pinup. Shaking that butt. ♫So fa-fa - fabulous. ♫ As a mermaid. ♫fa-fa - fabulous.♫ Or a hot babe. ♫fa-fa - fabulous. ♫ What a get up! Like a pinup. Shaking that butt. After... that. Both Deadpool and Steven came out of the spa, looking as... well... you know. "I must say," Steven spoke, slithering across the floor "you have to be one of the most flamboyant things I've meet since myself!" "Ah, thank you kindly, sir." Deadpool replied "Taco?" "No thanks, I'm staying Gluten free." "...Get the F**k out of my face then." "Hmph! At least some of us are trying to be healthy." Steven slithered away to a nearbylake. "Pfft. White people." Author's Note Tunak Tunak Tun Pony # 170-172: Zesty Gourmand, Coriander Cumin, and Saffron MasalaOn a cold, frigid, summer night, a horny as hell Deadpool tried to earn enough money to buy birthday presents for the love of his life, Princess Luna, by selling chimichangas on a street corner. "Changas!" Deadpool cheered "Get your chimichangas! Fresh, red or green sauced changas!" But nopony bought any chimichangas. If only they knew they were delicious meals on the go and didn't need a three hoof rating to intreague the masses. But then again, this is Equeatria, a place where intelligence seems to either be Einstein meets Archimedes, or Michael Bay & Uwe Boll's love child. "Ch-changas... red or green sauced... changas..." Oh, this is bad! Indeed. We haven't even sold one yet. Deadpool shivered. "It's so cold... freezing!" He chattered "But we need something for Luna or else no sexy times! What are we gonna do!?" "Hurry up!" A mare shouted. "Zest'y party is about to start!" "What's the rush?" A stallion replied, following said mare "They're probably just serving the same bad food as last year." "...Lightbulb!" Deadpool proclaimed. In the canterlot ballroom, the place is decorated to the highest of standards. Mares & stallions all wore fancy dresses & suits, leizuring around, talking about the... stocks, I think? I don't know, I'm not a fancy guy! Anyways, Deadpool easily drugged the security & threw them all in a pile that was ingeniously disguised as a pyramid. He took the microphone away from the official announcer (who was tied up & gagged in the back) and stood behind the curtains. "We've got some great food for you this year, folks." Deadpool spoke. Some cheering was heard, along with the spitting of the already served food. "Chimichangas!" "CHIMICHANGAS!?!?!?" Everyone inside asked in shock. The curtain opened, and Deadpool stood in the middle, twirling two of the deep fried burritos in his hands. "That's right! Yum-Yummy Chimichangas!!!" A mare fainting was heard in the crowd. "...How... uncultured." Zesty Gourmand, the unicorn the brony fandom now seemed to hate more, spoke in the crowd. Deadpool snapped and charged at the crowd. "CHIMICHANGAS!!!" He shouted in anger. All the ponies screamed and ran away from him as he threw the chimichangas at them. "HERE!!! EAT!!! EAT A CHANGA!!!" He had Zest in a corner, holding a changa at her face. She was frightened, but he had a creepy, nearly-there evil smile across his face. "Mmmm? It's quite delicious." He snickered evily. "Who's this brute!?" Deadpool was ready to 'smite' the critic with a changa, but was tackled by Shining Armor. "Ok!!!" The stallion yelled, holding Deadpool down. "Let's see your invitation!" Deadpool threw him off. "I'M THE CATERER!!!" Deadpool yelled "And Chimichangas are on the menu! PLEASE!!! You've all got to take a chimichanga!!! Just try! A little bite... please!? I swear they're delicious! CHIMICHANGAS!!!" He fell to the floor, huddled up. "...♫Hello Darkness, my old friend... ♫" "So uncultured." Zesty interupted, walking away with a 'humph!'. Deadpool watched her go away. ...You want her address? "Do it." Shall we get the suit? "Oh yeah." Zesty suddenly woke up from... something. Last thing she remembered, she was walking to her house, followed by her falling unconscious as something hit her in the back of her head. She was tied up at the moment, and blindfolded. "Oh great, some brute has taken me hostage." She groaned to herself. "Look, if you want money, I can give you whatever you want. This isn't my first time being taken away, and this won't be my last." "...That's very unexpecting. I thought you'd be like 'Oh no! I'm kidnapped! Help me! Someone! Help!'" "You really think I'm like that? I am a critic, not a damsel in distress." "A very s****y critic, might I add." "...Who is this?" Her blindfold was taken off. "Ta-Da!!!" Deadpool spoke "It's my X-Force costume! I use it for assassinations to save the world, and, in this case, interrogations and pure torture!!!" "...Like you can do anything to torture me, welp." Zesty replied. Deadpool's face closed in to her, their eyes nearly touching each other. "Oh, I have my ways, Ms. Critic! I have my ways... Chimichanga?" "Bah!" "...CHIMICHANGA!!!" He pulled out some hair clippers, a tattoo needle, and a piercer. "And to the people at home... just imagine this b***h as Lazlow! Let's make you purty!!!" The father-daughter duo, Coriander Cumin, and Saffron Masala, worked at their restaurant, but stopped as they heard something banging outside. The two stepped outside to see some construction workers setting up a sign outside. It was a three hoof sign. "...What!?" The the two asked in shock. Deadpool appeared next to the two. "You can thank me for that." He spoke, then pulled out some photos. "And some of these!" The photos was Zest, now with multiple piercings, various man parts, and, overall, she no longer had a mane... nor any coat. She was completely naked. Deadpool teleported inside, now with a turban (though it was really a towel) and a fake beard on. He spoke with a really bad Indian accent while shaking his head like a bobble head. "I will respect your culture by speaking in an Indian accent and shaking my head like a bobble head." MrAquino just said that. And That's racist! DING!!! "Heh, will, just like Bollywood, I guess it's time for a musical! We just don't have frightening CGI characters, but we can get the music! Hit it!" Another song played The two, and the other customers, joined. ♫Gimme gimme gimme gimme♫ ♫Gimme gimme gimme gimme♫ ♫Chilli Chilli Chilli Chilli♫ ♫Chilli chilli chilli chilli♫ ♫Likcki licki licki licki♫ ♫Likcki licki licki licki♫ ♫Chick chick chick chickey♫ ♫Chick chick chick chickey♫ ♫I'm so hungry, in Bombay I need some good food from Bollywood my racha food is very good but the Indian cook miss understood♫ ♫It burns burns burns!!! Indian curry is so ho.o.ot It burns burns burns!!! burns like fire oh my go.o.od It burns burns burns!!! I drink and drink but it wont sto.o.op It burns burns burns!!! in my mouth and tomorrow in my butt.♫ ♫Gimme gimme gimme gimme♫ ♫Gimme gimme gimme gimme♫ ♫Chilli Chilli Chilli Chilli♫ ♫Chilli chilli chilli chilli♫ ♫Likcki licki licki licki♫ ♫Likcki licki licki licki♫ ♫Chick chick chick chickey♫ ♫Chick chick chick chickey♫ ♫On the next day of my holiday it was so gory on my lavatory Ca Guta food is not so good, its not made for the tourist group♫ ♫It burns burns burns!!! Indian curry is so ho.o.ot It burns burns burns!!! burns like fire oh my go.o.od It burns burns burns!!! I drink and drink but it wont sto.o.op It burns burns burns!!! in my mouth and tomorrow in my butt.♫ ♫It burns burns burns!!! (it burns burns burns) In my mouth and tomorrow in my butt It burns burns burns!!! Indian curry is so ho.o.ot It burns burns burns!!! burns like fire oh my go.o.od It burns burns burns!!! I drink and drink but it wont sto.o.op It burns burns burns!!! in my mouth and tomorrow in my butt.♫ A growl in Deadpool's stomach was heard. "...The bathroom's over there." Coriander spoke, pointing ahead. Deadpool, without speaking, ran to the bathroom. The rest is history. Author's Note A Thanksgiving SpecialAhem, An uppity Welcome, and distinguished Hello to you all. Today, I will be retelling one of MrAquino's early, and I do mean, EARLY originals stories from his childhood: The Ocelot & The Porridge maiden The f**k's a porridge maiden? Once there was a HPorridge Maiden who lived in a meadowlark Lemon's duffel bag from the 70's. I Hate MOne days, she caught Thought an ocelot for to "sup" Jim Davis' Lawyers. "RobGood Morrow to you" Said the Ocelot "You must find a husband by sunrise or doom will come to you 2 Bad Guys will come out of my ears!" She went to see the Butcher Statue of Liberty's Deadbeat cousin. "Will you Marry me?" She asked "I am married to the meats. A huddled Mass" He said Next, she went to see the Optic Blasted SmithyBot. "Will you Marry me?VOIP" she asked Voiped "I am married to the steel.Save Yourself Little Beep Boop!" He said Then, she went to seetucked in the Lum Swooper. "Will you marry me please stop sleeping with that lamp?" She asked "It's okay, I am married to the chimneys. it" He said She even went to see the knave.reepo Deepot "Will you marry me?" She asked low poly-count porridge maiden "I am married to the chichanery.onette" He said slimed When she could not find a husband, the Porridge Maiden sat on by a Punk-rock giant to watch the rising sun Wicked solos. At dawn, the ocelot found her Hdead and pmourned her passing.a drink "Now, she is married to death. One for my pah'tnuh" said the ocelot. In the underworld, she gave death a thousand children and cooked his meals refused to be defined by her famous husband and started a successful business knitting lifehacks out of recycled blogs And that is why baked ocelot is always served in weddings. The end Everypony stared at Deadpool awkwardly as he finished my totally legit original story, wearing a pilgrim outfit. "I don't really have anything about changing that one." He spoke "Except I'd make it... broached ocelot... let's eat!" He pulled out a cooked ocelot and one of his swords. "This is f**ked up!" Luna spoke, standing up and leaving. Everypony else followed, throwing away either their own pilgrim or native american hats. Deadpool blinked. We should've told them it was cake. We should have. "Another ruined Thanksgiving." Deadpool sighed... then pulled out a pistol and cocked it. "Come on! Let's go Black Friday shopping!" HYPOCRISY!!! 🅱oneless. EQG: Juniper Montage.Druh, deada** hungry right now. Are we really doing this? Deadpool pulled out his cellphone and called a special number. All around him was joints of weed everywhere, fidget spinners that became fans, and mails going to Watchmojo.Com, telling them to make the Top 10 sexiest Emojis when the Emoji movie comes out. In a pizza joint, Juniper Montage stood behind the counter, waiting for the next customer to enter or call for their order. The phone rang and she picked it up. "Hello, Pizza Bill's, what would you like?" She asked. "Lemme get uhhhhhhhhh... 🅱ONELESS PIZZA wit a two liter of coke." Deadpool answered with the sudden ear r**e. "... Um... what kind of pizza?" Juniper rubbed her ear out. "And we're sorry, but the 2 liter machine is broke, all we have is a 1 liter, if that helps." "F**k you mean, 🅱?... ight, look, lemme get that pizza 🅱ONELESS." "Uh? Pizza doesn't have bone in it." "The f**k did I just say then?" "You said 'Lemme get it 🅱oneless', like if pizza has a bone in it." "Ya'll got bones in this s**t then." "No!" "So what the problem?" "Sir, please, name one pizza that has bone on it." "Just don't put them s**ts in my pizza bruh! How many times I gotta say it?" "Sir, just explain to me how a pizza can be boneless?" "If it don't got bone in it, iss 🅱oneless." "Sir, what school did you go to?" "Dawg, I don't understand the problem. Just make my s**t 🅱ONELESS! DEADA**!!!" The phone was hung up. ... Why do we have so many 🅱s? It's the highest form of comedy that many movies they could reach but can't, because incorporating internet memes into a movie is a guaranteed way to make your movie flop with both critics and fans booing at you... just like the Emoji movie. "Alright, fine! We'll go back to waiting for Watchmojo to upload the Top 10 Sexiest Emojis... and when that happens, Watchmojo can finally die and we'll deal with the other YouTube channels that make nothing but Top 10 videos." Author's Note I actually suggested the Honest Trailer Guy to read it in this honest trailer. Speaking of Spider-Man, I saw homecoming. Much better than I thought it was going to be. The 2nd trailer really did seem to spoil most of the movie. Big Bang PTSD memories. Pony #231: MudbriarOn the weekend, Deadpool made his way across Ponyville, acting as a ninja. His target was to take out some stallion that another waifu in the pony fandom. Taking a picture out, he saw that it was a stallion with a hairstyle that's similar to Mandark from Dexter's laboratory. He was more than ready. Knives, silencers, grenades, this stallion was going down. The merc hid in the bush and saw his target with Maud, both chuckling. Deadpool took the silencer out and took a step forward. Ripple He paused as he stepped on some bubble wrap. They didn't notice. He took another step. HONK A bell horn. They were too busy. Another step. YIPE!!! Winona got up and ran away. They still didn't notice him. Another step. After you clicked on the video and endured the idiotic soundcloud rapper that's making millions for looking like an idiot, they still haven't noticed. Deadpool took a final step, ready to take out his target. SNAP!!! A twig snapped. Mudbriar turned to Deadpool with both of his eyes glowing like it's an anime. Standing on his hind legs, Mudbriar released a flurry of punches to Deadpool's chest and face, ending it with a devastating right hook. "Omae wa mou shindeiru." Mudbriar simply spoke. "NANI?!?!" Deadpool asked, right before exploding. Mudbriar picked up the stick and cuddled it with manly tears. "You're still a sweetheart through and through." Maud spoke. "Why can't anypony realize Stick abuse is a real thing?" Author's Note I couldn't think of anything for Mudbriar, to be honest. So there ya go. More will come. New X-Force Members and students. Ponies #245 and 246: Dusty Pages and First FolioDeadpool and Gallus sat inside Deadpool's house, only mildly cleaned up to make way for the new students that would be joining the X-Force. With Deadpool, he nailed down to actual communities, since he's pretty sure characters like Discord, Iron Will, and Tirek were all on their own with no real place to call home. A bit harsh, but then again, will the show actually bring in the rest of these kindgoms at the last season? Most likely not. But anyways, Deadpool had his small list of students that he wanted to join since last season, but couldn't for various reasons. That didn't stop him from finding his own students, though. Standing in front of the two, separated by their table, was a bipedal cat that was mostly grey with black striped and a white underbelly. She wore a simple blue dress over her body, and looked to be about Deadpool's size. "Alright, your name, please?" Deadpool asked. "I'm Selina." The cat answered in a rather sultry voice. "Gotcha. And care to tell a little about yourself? Like, where came from, so the readers can understand more?" "I'm from Klugetown. My uncle is Capper, the cat that helped saved Equestria from the Storm King. And I've got what you expect from a cat; able to climb higher places, can use my claws to fight, very athletic." "And are distracted by shiny objects?" "Rarely." "I doubt it." He threw a bit. "Go get it!" "Ooh! A bit!" Gallus yelled, jumping over and getting the bit." A diamond dog stood with brown fur and patches of black on his face and paws. He wore a simple blue vest and looked around, very paranoid, looking as if he was in trouble. "My name Roscoe, yes." He spoke in a skittish voice. "Diamond dog, yes. Very good, very good, yes." Gallus gave a very concerned look. "He seems awfully sketchy." The griffin commented. "Yes, but just like Selina, Rosco here is based off of the author's old dog, who was awfully skittish." Deadpool replied back before turning to Roscoe. "Oh hey, Roscoe! Do you eat s**t?" "No! Yes." Roscoe replied. "... You're in." A stool was in the room, and, with a series of magnifying glasses, a lone breezie stood on the stool, looking quite small. He had a poofy red head, though was white all over. An equally small microphone was next to him, allowing the breezie to speak into. "Is this thing on?" He asked, poking at the mic. "Yes, we can hear you." Deadpool replied. "Ah. Hi, I'm Lightbreeze, a fellow breezie. I may not be huge, but I do wanna make a big impact!" "... You sure about this?" Gallus asked. "He's awfully small. I wouldn't be surprised if some creature tried to eat him." "And how many times have I taught you to not talk about Vore around MrAquino?" Deadpool asked back. "I can hear you two!" Lightbreeze spoke. "Sorry about that. You're in." A Kirin with red fur, black mane, and white scales stood in front of the two. "Summer Flare." She stated bluntly. "I'm a kirin. If I get angry enough, I'll turn into a nirik." "... I have nothing else to say. You're in." Deadpool replied. Strongheart stood in front of the two. "Oh hey! I haven't seen you since Season 1!" Deadpool spoke. "You know this gal?" Gallus asked. "Not personally, just remember her from the episode Over a Barrel." "And I've grown up much more!" The buffalo spoke up. Deadpool looked at her. "You look the same." "You'll see soon enough. All the new X-force students lined up, having been altered now with the same machine that caused the student 6 to turn into anthropomorphic ~~nightmares~~ heroes. Selina was the tallest and slender of the group, though still shorter than Silverstream, with her outfit having an added hoodie to it. Roscoe had metalic blades on his new anthro form, and he wasn't walking around like a gorilla anymore. Lightbreeze was now the size of a standard action figure, making her the shortest out of anyone in the X-Force. Summer Flare stood with a katana strapped to her back, with her scales popping out of the armor a bit more. Finally, Stongheart was, if not for Lightbreeze, the shortest out of all of the X-Force, having a bow and quiver on her back. "Atten-hut!" Deadpool spoke, wearing his X-Force costume. "I want a stone cold, righteous attention!" He walked to each of the students in the attention as mentioned before. "Your chin is down! Your chest out! Your gut in! Your face mean! Cause you're rough, tough, fightin' machines!!!" "SHH!!!" Everyone spoke. As it turned out, they were all in Canterlot's library. "Hmph. Nobody appreciates G.I.Joe anymore." "Uh, sir?" Selina spoke in a hushed tone. "But why are we in Canterlot's library?" "Good question!" "Shh!" The various ponies inside shushed. Deadpool huffed as he sat down, holding a book up, though signaled everyone to join. His new students leaned in, though Lightbreeze was able to sit inside the huddle. "Alright, this is more or less the best way for me to see if you have what it takes to become future X-force members. You've got a mission on hand right now that needs to be done ASAP." "Ooh! Mission, yes." Roscoe spoke. "What do we do? Yes." "... Ok, for starters, stop saying 'yes' at the end of your sentences, or else I'll cut you out of this team. But for you all, we've got a situation. Dusty Pages, the old librarian that used to work here," he pulled out a photo of an elderly looking librarian pony "and, if my sources are correct, she's been targeted by this pony," he pulled out another photo mare. "First Folio." "So we gotta take her out?" Summer Flare asked. "What!? No! Investigate. See why she wants to do it. As for me, I will keep Dusty Pages occupied. Keep her safe, ya dig?" "I dig!" Roscoe panted. "Not literal dig." "That'll be easy." Strongheart said. "Oh I hope so. If it's true, report to me." "Yes, sir!" The X-Force members replied in unison, right before being shushed by everypony else. 3 Weeks Later... In a retirement home, the new X-Force kicked the door down, still as their anthro selves, frustrated looking. On stage was a group of retired ponies, very old looking, and Deadpool was with them, shredding on the guitar alongside Dusty Pages. "Deadpool!" Selina yelled "You left us for this!? Playing music with older ponies!?" "What?" Deadpool asked, still playing music. "They need someone young and strong to look after them." "You left us alone for 3 weeks!!!" Summer Flare yelled, right on the verge of turning into a Nirik. "3 Weeks wasted of our lives to watch over some pony that only charges ponies for late fees!!!" "Did you rent a book to get that late fee payment to get close to her?" "Yes!" Roscoe added. "And she had no plans to attack her?" "Who are they talking about?" Dusty Pages asked, finally setting her guitar down to listen. "Eh, it's nothing. But my plan worked." "Plan?" Lightbreeze asked. "What plan?" "Oh, I had some help to make a certain activity into a fun training session." "...What?" "Students... a Squishy food foodfight tournament!!!" All the students stared with unamused looks. "What?" "Alright, let's get him." Strongheart spoke before whistling. A lout screeching was heard, right before a falcon flew right into Deadpool's face and used it's talons to scratch his face off. "AHH!!! FALCON!!! FALCON!!!" "Get him!!!" Summer Flare yelled, turning into a nirik and charging at Deadpool, impaling him with her sword before slicing upward, slicing his chest and head. Rocoe dug underground, ripping a hold in the floor, but dragged Deadpool's legs down, but ripped them off, leaving him legless. Selina used both of her claws to scratch out Deadpool's eyes, rendering him blind. As for Lightbreeze, she simply flew into Deadpool's brain and ripped out his medulla oblongata. FATALITY!!! A lone door fell down as Gallus stood behind the door, seeing the carnage. "Yep, you're all definitely X-Force material." He wrote down on a notepad. "See you soon!" He walked right out and flew away. All the elderly ponies stood in complete shock at the brutal way they killed Deadpool... and nearly had a heart attack seeing the sack that was Deadpool regenerate rapidly, completely naked, and as hideous as ever. "Well, on the plus side, they're all old, so Mistress Death won't be waiting for long." Author's Note Saw Endgame Last Night... Go and see it. Oh, and yeah, these new students will be featured a lot along with the rest of the Student 6. And no, I haven't played the new Mortal Kombat, only saw the fatalities. So Happy Together. Ponies #253-261: Petunia Petals, Sunny Skies, Torque Wrench, Pickle & Barley Barrel, Kerfuffle, Mr & Mrs. Hoofington, and Moody Root.Deadpool, Gallus, Silverstream, Ocellus, Sandbar, Yona, Smolder, Selina, Roscoe, Lightbreeze, Summer Flare, and Strongheart all stood together in unison with a rather annoyed look. The place they arrived at, Hope Hollow, was nothing like they were promised. Just about everything in the town, even it's students, were lacking in color, looking more gray than being quite colorful. Standing in front of them was a stallion unicorn that wore a bow tie, looking quite formal and important looking, who had a nervous smile across his face. "Um... I uh... might've over exaggerated a few things." He spoke in a Minnesotan accent. "That's an understatement." Selina commented. "Less color that home, yes." Roscoe added. "This is a straight up lie!" Lightbreeze shouted. "No Breezie would collect pollen from here!" "Yona want to smash little pony!" Yona ended. The stallion backed up. "W-wait! Let me explain!" He begged. "...Students." Deadpool spoke, stopping his students in place. "Please, explain to us, Mayor Sunny Skies." "Um... well... A long time ago, when my Grandpa Skies was mayor, Hope Hollow was different. They used to call this town "The End of the Rainbow", 'cause everything you'd ever want, you could find right here. Next door neighbors chatting over-" Deadpool covered his mouth with his hand. "Ok! No need to sing! Especially since you don't have a great singing voice." Sunny Skies pulled Deadpool's hand off his mouth. "So you'll help?" "Of course! You just need some color and fun. And that's what we know what to do." He turned to the X-Force. "Gallus and Silverstream, find us some entertainment!" Both birds saluted, though Silverstream was more enthusiastic. "Sandbar, Yona, and Lightbreeze, go the handicap pony over there and help her make clothes." He pointed to a pegasus mare that wore a pho fur coat and also had a prosthetic leg at her hind left area. "Smolder, Summer Flare, Selina, Rosco, go to the baking are and prepare some sweets." All four quickly put on a baker's hat with aprons. "The rest... come with me. We've gotta get some necessary tools." "Oh boy! I bet Torque Wrench can help you with that!" Sunny Skies cheered. "I'll lead you to her." He began to walk away. Deadpool turned to his students. "Break!" Everyone ran off to do their own thing. Gallus and Silverstream looked around for anything that looked remotely entertaining. "So..." Gallus began. "We've been together for a while now, and I was thinking that we would... well..." "Ooh! I think I found something!" Silverstream interrupted, flying ahead. Gallus sighed as they landed nearby on a hill. Flying above were a pair of twin pegasi foals, a colt and the filly, with the colt wearing a jacket and the other a beanie. "Aww! Aren't they adorable!?" "... I guess. But how is this entertainment?" "They can put on a flight show with us!" "... Right..." Both foals crashed into each other and landed nearby the two. They looked angry at each other before seeing the Hippogriff and Griffin. "Uh... sis, you seeing this?" The colt asked. "I don't know. Are you seeing this?" His sister asked. Yona, Sandbar, and Lightbreeze followed the pegasus mare with the prosthetic leg. She stopped and took notice. "Oh! Hello there!" She spoke with the same Minnesotian accent. "Oh my goodness! Aren't you all a bunch of cuties?" "Cute!?" Yona asked. "Yona not cute. Yona tough!" "And I might be small, but I'm not 'cute." Lightbreezr spoke. The mare picked the breezie up. "Aww, you're even cuter when you're angwy." Lightbreeze stared before pressing a button on his wrist. There was a small 'Boom!' in the sky, followed by something huge crashing to the floor, causing a small meteor on the floor and lots of dust to fly. When the dust ended, standing tall (A bit) was a huge, Red & Black colored mech suit with white 'eyes' that was a bit hunched over, with a left, claw like hand, a right arm that was a mix between a machine gun, flame thrower, & missile launcher, and twin rockets on it's back that looked to consume a lot of fuel for maximum flight, all towering Yona. It's helmet opened, allowing Lightbreeze to fly in, which closed as soon as he was inside. The mech suit activated, standing upright as it can before looking down at the mare. "IS THIS ADORABLE NOW!?" Lightbreeze spoke through the mech, making his voice much deeper and more threatening than necessary. The mare shivered before fainting from shock. "... I don't think you should've done that." Sandbar spoke. "WHEN DEADPOOL GIVES YOU A MECH FROM SOMETHING CALLED WARHAMMER 40K AND MODIFIES IT FOR YOUR SMALL SIZE, YOU WOULD USE IT AS WELL." Smolder, Selina, Roscoe, and and Summer Flare went to the only bakery in town, seeing it was closed... but then saw the only pair of ponies strolling around a tray of pies. "Hey! Excuse me!" Smolder spoke. "You both seem to be the only pie makers around. Care to tell us what you've made?" "Oh my, a dragon in these parts?" The fancy stallion spoke. "Quite unusual." "Indeed." His wife added. "But if you're curious, my husband made Apricot pies. Want to try?" "Yes!" Roscoe spoke, taking a slice and eating it. He face went green before hacking it up. "WHAT THE F##K IS THAT!?!?!? yes." "How rude! My apricots are fresh." Selina sniffed it then gagged. "Uh... no, these aren't ripe at all." She spoke before turning to another tree. "But those ones are!" "I can get them." Summer Flare spoke, hopping over to the other side of the fence the tree was in. "Oi! What are you doing in my garden!?" A Scottish sounding stallion yelled. "Uh oh! I gotta help." Smolder spoke, flying over. "Hmm... perhaps I can help you bake some pies?" Selina spoke. "Uncle Capper did teach me a thing or two." "Ooh! Same thing here, yes." Roscoe spoke. "Watched pink pony bake! Took lessons from her, yes." Selina blinked. "... I didn't think you had the brain to learn how to bake." "Hey!" Deadpool, Ocellus, and Strongheart were in the mayor's office with another mare that looked like Rosie the Riveter..The two students looked over a device while Deadpool looked at some files and a pair of binoculars to the town. "Hmm... So far, Gallus and Silverstream are with the Pickle and Barley Barrel, Lightbreeze made Kerfuffle faint, Selina & Roscoe are helping Mr & Mrs. Hoofington bake pies, and Summer Flare and Smolder are taking Moody Root's apricots." He looked back to see that another mare entered, this one with huge, poofy curls that looked like a mix between Pinkie and Aria Dazzling's mane. She looked surprised. "Oh my! Mr. Deadpool! Y-you're here!?" She asked. "Indeed, Petunia Petals." She blushed. "Y-you know my name?" "Along with Torque Wrench over there and about all the characters from the 2nd movie." "Somepony say my name?" The other mare asked, looking a bit confused as she and Ocellius fixed the device. "But yeah. I do." "Oh dear," Petunia began. "a-and you're really going to help us?" "Yep. We'll get your color back, but not in the way you'd expect." "... Oh? What do you mean?" "Ocellus!? Is it finished?" "Yep!" The changeling spoke. "We've altered the device to make it play music as well!" "Thank goodness it's over." Torque spoke, walking out. "I hate being the only repair pony." "And me?" Strongheart asked. "... Eh, MrAquino's lazy writing struck again." Deadpool answered. Deadpool connected his phone to all of the device, which was then connected to the various speakers around town, causing some feedback to be heard. He grabbed a Microphone. "Alright, X-Force members, switch your tools to 'Paint', cause this is gonna get creative." He then pressed play as Happy Together played. All the X-Force heard this, then pulled out modified guns that shot paint instead of bullets, similar to Splatoon. Gallus and Silverstream, with Pickle and Barley barrel watching, both began to paint the town with their paint guns. The Griffin began to slowly dance with the music, making the twins confused. "What are you doing?" Barley asked. "Oh, just a little something I've been meaning to ask." Gallus spoke, turning to Silverstream with an extended arm. "Care to join me?" "YES!!!" Silverstream shouted back. They both locked their arms together and began to dance while spinning in a circle, laughing childishly. Yona, Sandbar, and Kerfuffle, waking up, caught a sight of the two dancing, but smiled seeing them so happy. "Aww, they're so cute!" Kerfuffle commented on the sight. "Sandbar want to do the same with Yona?" Yona asked. "Heh, it'll be better than the Amity Ball." Sandbar chuckled. Lightbreeze landed by them in his mech. "INITIATING PAINTING SEQUENCE." The Breezie controlled mech spoke before blasting missiles all over the place, causing huge explosions of paint to go everywhere. Yona and Sandbar didn't care, as Sandbar, with a rose in one hand, twirled Yona around before leaning her down as an explosion of paint went off behind them. They both giggled and ran ahead, jumping on and climbing Lightbreeze's mechs, blasting away their paint across Hope Hollow. LightBreeze and the two landed across Selina, and Roscoe, with both Mr and Mrs. Hoofington taken back. "Right here!" Roscoe shouted, jumping and waving towards them. "Yes, right here!" Selina added. Both cat and dog crossed their arms together and skipped in unison as they fired away, getting paint all over the couple and their freshly baked pies. In the distance, Smolder and Summer Flare planted explosions everywhere, with Moody Root not too far behind, yelling nonsense about them trespassing on his property and can't take his apricots. They both saw the carnage the rest was causing. "Firework show?" Smolder asked. "Firework Show." Summer Flare replied. Smolder tossed explosions around, with Summer Flare turning into her Nirik self and delivering a fiery punch to the ground, causing all the explosions to go up and explode in the air. Deadpool, Ocellus, and Strongheart began to ascend up a pillar with the rest of the X-Force joining quickly, holding hands around their teacher, and firing at the town below, making everything colorful again like it's a scene from De Blob. With one final explosion of paint, the town, including it's residents, were now covered in paint. Color had returned to the entire town, making everything bright once again! "And, that, my fellow students, is a confirmed success!!!" Yay! I do love how everything sparks! I for one am still curious how the rest of Season 9 will play out. "Oh right... the rest..." Deadpool spoke. He took a deep breath. "Relax, Wade... it's not the end yet..." Author's Note Yes, the ending is just a parody to this. And though it took me a while, I couldn't help myself and watched the rest of Season 9... english dubbed, of course... won't spoil anything, but know that the chapters with new characters (Or lack thereof) will be brought in with the actual airing in the US. So... yeah... I hope you'll enjoy what's about to come next. (And if you saw the leaks, don't tell anyone. Common courtesy)
My Anaconda. Pony #2: Fluttershy Author's Note Can Fluttershy tame Deadpool's Anaconda? Who will Deadpool meet next? Is Nicki Minaj just a failed attempt to cross over Mrs. Potato Head, Barbie, and a Blow up Doll? Stay tuned!!! My Anaconda. Pony #2: Fluttershy "Now to send this over to my friends." Deadpool said, saying what he was texting "Am... now... in... Equestria... so... all... of... you... can... kiss... my... a$$... SEND!!!" A ding came from his cell phone and he looked at it "Oh, why am I not surprised?" "What?" Lyra asked, trying to look at his strange device that could take pictures AND send to his friends "Spider-Man doesn't believe it! He says 'whoa Deadpool! Nice Photoshop effects! I'm still going to chase you even after you disappeared on me'." "You were chased before I summoned you!?" "Let the audience at home figure that one out. I'm not going to say s**t on what I was doing before you summoned me here." "...WHAT!?!?!? "Is Ponyville around here?" "...um... yes." "AWESOME!!! We've got to get over there!!! I plan to take a Selfie with Everypony here and all across Equestria!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!" "...okay. But I think you're going to need a disguise; I don't think any pony will take comfort of a human running around." "Oh B***h please!!! I already have a disguise." "REALLY!?!?!?" "I just need one more thing." "What is it!?!?!?" Deadpool leaned over to Lyra, staring into her eyes. Without any warning, Deadpool's hands grabbed Lyra's mane and tore it out with a large 'RIP'!!! "AAAUUUGGGHHH!!! MY MANE!!!" Deadpool put the ripped mane over his eyes and he ran away!!! "NAILED IT!!!" "GET BACK HERE!!!" She got up and tried to chase after him, but he teleported away instantly! Lyra stopped dead in her tracks awkwardly staring with her left eye twitching. "humans... can teleport... as well?" Deadpool kept running blindly, not giving a single f**k if anyone saw him in his 'effective' disguise. "YES!!!" Deadpool yelled like a madman. "IT IS THE RETURN OF YOUR KING!!! I AM YOUR GOD NOW, BRING ME YOUR VIRGINS!!!" Unbeknownst to him, he was actually in the backyard of a particular shy pony's home. A yellow pegasus with long & pink mane looked our of her window, only to see a weird, red creature running around in circles on two legs with mint colored tufts of fur over its eyes. "Oh dear!" She said to herself "What is that creature? Maybe Twilight can help?" I don't think that'll be a good idea. She may find it very dangerous. "Oh nonsense, I think it's friendly." She looked outside the window again. Deadpool sprinted towards the window, still blinded by the tufts of Lyra's mane over his eyes. The pegasus ran away, jumping behind a wall into a hallway!!! Deadpool jumped through the window, did three rolls on the floor, jumped right onto his feet, lost balance, and fell onto his back, landing on the broken glass. "WHOO!!!" He yelled "Breaking and Entering!!! 10000 points!!! GTA 6 MOTHA F***AS!!!" The pegasus looked over the corner to see Deadpool on his back, bleeding a bit. She quietly walked over to him, frightened at what he did, but still curious to see what it truly was. "Um... hello?" She asked "WHO'S THERE!?!?!? The Po-Po!?!?!? Please!!! I can't do another nickel!!! My sexiness mustn't be shown to criminals who wait for the soap to be dropped!!!" "...Po-Po? Um... are you alright?" "Of course I'm alright! What choo saying' Willis?" "Willis? Oh no, I'm Fluttershy." "...Fluttershy?" "Yes. Can I help you?" He took off the tufts of Lyra's mane off his 'eyes' and saw that it was, for real, Fluttershy!!! He sat up a bit, but crawled backwards into the wall. "DON'T HURT ME!!! I WASN'T IN YOUR SHED!!!" "My... shed?" "Where you Murder your victims!!!" "Murder? What's murder? And what victims?" "... Dammit Wade! This must be the CANON Stuff with some fan stuff involved." "Canon stuff? Fan stuff?" Deadpool looked back at Fluttershy: her innocent eyes stared right into his soul, and his heart melted like a bean burrito in a microwave. He gut up on his feet and wiped off the broken glass. "Hey, can you, uh, take the glass out of my back?" "I thought you said you were fine?" "I am! I... just need you to take the pieces out." Fluttershy opened her wings and flapped behind the mercenary's back. A couple of large pieces stood out like sore thumbs. "Are you sure about this? I can take you to the hospital and they can-" "F**K OBAMA CARE!!! RIP 'EM OUT!!!" "Okay!!! Okay, calm down! I didn't get your name yet." She started to take out the glass pieces "My *ow* name is *ouch!* a sec- *YEOUCH!*ret. But you *Oh god!* Can call *Holy S**T!!!* me *MOTHA F***A!!!* Dead-*HNNG* POOL!!!" Flutters spat out the last of the glass pieces. She stared at his back as it quickly healed in less than a few seconds. "How did that happen?" "What? How I saved 15% or more by switching to GEICO?" "No! How did you heal so quickly!?" "Oh! That! Well... long story short, I'm experimented on by a Canadian Hokey team to become the ultimate American Weapon... made in China." "I've never seen something like you before." "Yeah, I know! I just got here by Overhyped Fan girl #6969696969696969 who really wanted to meet me for my huge, black, juicy... personality." "...you remind me a lot about one of my friends." "They all say that." "Really?" "Yeah. B****es love Deadpool. After all, ♫My Anaconda don't! My Anaconda don't! My Anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun!!!♫" "You have a pet Anaconda!?!?!? WHERE!?!?!?" "... C'mon Deadpool, Remember: these are ponies; they have more self respect than those girls who twerk for attention on Vine. "Vine?" "Say! Want to take a picture to remember this!?!?" "That... would be lovely. I'll get the camera." "No need to! I have one!" "Really!? Where?" Deadpool took out his cell phone with his right arm, lifted it in the air, and put his left around Flutterhy's head. "Smile!!! Hashtag Selfie!!!" Fluttershy did a cute smile as the picture was taken. Deadpool got up and sent it to his 'friends' online. He looked up and noticed his mess. "Say... do you want me to clean this mess up? I can help pay the damage." "The clean up would be nice. I'll pay for a new window. It was barely working anyways."
You was right. Pony #3: Twilight SparkleAuthor's Note It's a nerd vs a genius!!! Who is Deadpool's 'best Pony'? And who will he meet next? Stay Tuned!!! You was right. Pony #3: Twilight Sparkle Deadpool ran into Fluttershy's closet, finding a broom and dust pan to collect all the broken glass. Whoah!!! Hold it there, What the hell are you doing? "Who's there!?!?!?" Deadpool asked "Are you a ghost!?" You really have forgotten us, have you? "Hold up. Are you both-" We Are!!! We Are!!! "Whoah! Where the f**k have you both been?" I tried to come and help you, but SOMEONE had to use the toilet. What!? You have to admit, those Tacos were AWESOME!!! "You had Tacos!?" "Yeah! "YOU B*****D!!!" "Is there something wrong?" Fluttershy asked "Uh... no. Just...finding the broom." "Oh. Well, it's in the closet right behind some other supplies. It shouldn't bee too hard." "Thanks." Ooh! Who was that? Tell me; Does she has huge knockers!?!?!? "NO!!! It's Fluttershy." Fluttershy? As in One of the Mane 6 From My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic? "That's her!" ...WHAT THE F**K HAPPENED!?!?!? ...WHAT THE F**K HAPPENED!?!?!? "Easy guys, remember Lyra Heartstrings from the show?" I think I remember. Her voice always changed, right? That's Bon Bon you idiot. Lyra is the unicorn that the Brony Fanbase made jokes of that she wanted to be a human really bad, or at least, have hands. Oh! Her!!! What about her? "I was summoned by her. Next thing I noticed, I took a selfie with her, ran away before I became her sex slave, hid here where I met Fluttershy, and took a selfie with her. Now, I'm helping clean her house." Yeah right, we may be voices you made in your dome to help you cooperate with the fact that you're losing sanity and need someone to talk to, but even I can tell that your tale, for the most part, is B.S.!!! "Damit." Deadpool heard a knocking at the door. The clopping sounds of FLuttershy's hooves hit the floor as she walked to answer it. He grabbed the broom and dust pan, but also a bucket, a sombrero, and a black maker. He quickly doodled an awful looking face of a pony with a huge bandit mustache on the bucket, put the bucket on his head, followed by the sombrero. He ran out of the closet, falling over from the lack of sight, causing him to land on a bit of the glass, but he got up & began to sweep the place. What are you doing? "I'm disguising myself as a house cleaner. I'm sure that they have Mexicans that'll work below minimum wage." ... now that... is just racist. Like Michael Bay!!! "Shush! Act natural." Fluttershy opened the door to her house; a very familiar purple alicorn stood on her door step. "Oh! Hello Twilight." Fluttershy greeted in a pleasant surprised tone "Hey Fluttershy," Twilight responded "listen, I was studying some old novels in my castle, when one of the locals, a unicorn named 'Lyra Heartstrings', came to me and begged me to help her find one of her fantasy creatures called 'humans'." "Oh! But, didn't you turned into a human to retrieve your crown and to help the alternate dimension of us?" "I did, but humans in Equestria!? Preposterous!!! Say, who's that in there?" Fluttershy looked behind her and saw Deadpool wearing a bucket that had an upside down drawing of a pony's face that had a bandito mustache and wearing a sombrero on the said bucket. "Oh, him? That's dead-" "No it's not," Deadpool interrupted, impersonating a Mexican "my name is Juan Gonzales." "...What a strange pony." Twilight commented, walking inside Fluttershy's home. "And look at the mess here!!!" "Si, I'm cleaning up the mess I accidentally made." "And how did you make this mess? It looks like something crashed through here." "Um... Twilight," Fluttershy meekly asked "what did this human look like?" "Lyra made a list of things to look out for," Twilight responded. "First off, it's a male, as Juan here, stands on two legs, like Juan, wears red, like Juan, has hands, like Juan, and has an ugly belt buckle with his ugly face-" "WHAT CHOO SAY!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled, removing the bucket & sombrero off his head and throwing it on the ground. "Ah HA!!! I found you!!!" Well you blew that one. "Deadpool," Fluttershy said "why did you try to hide? Are you shy like me?" "Hell no!!!" Deadpool replied back in his normal voice "I just didn't want to be found by that mint unicorn!!!" "You mean Lyra?" Twilight asked "♫B***H, you guessed it!!! Hwah, you was right.♫" "... He sure reminds me of Pinkie." "That's the first thing I said." Fluttershy added "Alright, Mr... Deadpool? Look, I'm not going to take you back to Lyra." "Really?" Deadpool asked "She told me she was going to keep you as a pet. Look, I see you're no different than anypony... okay, A LOT different than anypony, but you have a mind and are really special. Just come with me to my castle. I'll make sure your safe." We're gonna be in Twilight's house now? Castle. Castle? Remember the Season 4 Finale? Her house and Ponyville's library was destroyed by- "Tirek!!!" Deadpool yelled out of nowhere "TIREK!?!?!?" Twilight yelled, jumping in the air a bit "WHERE!?!?!?" Nothing happened after a few seconds. She turned around to Deadpool & marched towards him. She grabbed him by some loose clothing at his chest area. "Listen buster-" she began to monologue WE'RE DEAD!!! We can't die, remember? THEN WE'RE IN A WOLRD OF PAIN!!! We laugh at pain as a defense mechanism from all the s**t life throws at us. Well I'm Totally afraid of her!!! I'm not. WHAT!?!?!? If you weren't paying attention to your music, then you'd know that Twilight is actually my favorite character. So adorable, shares my passion of knowledge & self control, and is- NERDS!!! We prefer the term 'Egg heads'. And I think she's down talking to us. "Do I make myself clear?" Twilight finished her monologue. Deadpool raised his right hand and pushed Twilight's muzzle back. "Boop!" Deadpool simply replied. "I'll take that as a yes." "RAG DOLL PHYSICS ACTIVATE!!!" Deadpool went limp, not moving at all. "Are you... alright?" "Yes." "AUGH!!!" "Don't worry, just drag me to your castle. I'm not heavy." "...okay... this is weird. Care to help, Fluttershy?" Fluttershy walked next to the limp deadpool and, with her mouth, carried one of his hands while Twilight, also using her mouth, carried one of his feet. They were both surprised at how light he was. "Oh my," Fluttershy's muffled voice said "We're not hurting you, are we?" "Don't worry about it," Deadpool said "Rapid healing, remember?" "He has Rapid healing!?!?!?" Twilight's muffled voice asked "I'll explain later." Twilight and Fluttershy dragged the limp human, walking through town. Some of the locals stared at the two, but Deadpool surprisingly stayed silent, giving the illusion that he was merely a prop for something. It took them a while, but they made it to Twilight's castle. "NORMAL MODE ACTIVATE!!!" Deadpool yelled. In a poof, he was standing upright, but his hand & foot being ripped in the process. Some blood started to come out of the ripped areas "Oh... should've asked you to let go of me." You think? The mares screamed a bit, spitting out the popped off hand & foot out of their mouths. "Just give me a sec." Deadpool said. He lazily put on his cut off foot as if it were a shoe and he put on his hand. The flesh connected together, a fully healed. "Ah! Just like Megablocks." It's Legos!!! LEGOS!!! "How did you-" Twilight stuttered "Rapid healing AND connecting all chopped pieces together as if I'm an action Figure. I'm pretty sure your slave Spike may know. Where is he?" "He's not my slave!!! And he's helping me get new books for this Castle's library." "Ah!!! Need to fulfill your book fetish like Rainbow Dash." "Alright, tell me, how do you know us!?!?!?" "Easy: I'm gonna need two tacos for that information" Deadpool pulled out a chair & sat on it "Tacos!?!?!?" "They're delicious!!!" Twilight grunted to herself & left. Fluttershy sat on her haunches, humming a tune to herself Hell Ya!!! Now we're talking!!! She'll want us to talk anyways. Listen, be honest: tell them they're just a cartoon in our world and- LOOK OUT!!! CUTENESS!!! Fluttershy stood up and Walked to Deadpool's legs, rubbing her head on it like a cat. Deadpool stiffened. His eyes watched her, as she kept rubbing herself and seemed to be purring like a cat. The unthinkable happened: Fluttershy climbed on his lap and curled up in a ball. His hand reached out to one of her ears sticking up. Don't do it man!!! Don't!!! For your pride!!! Yeah right. Don't lie, you LOVE Fluttershy!!! No... I... Don't!!! Sure... Deadpool's hand touched the Pegasus' ear. He then proceeded to scratch it. Fluttershy's pupils went large, then shrunk back into place. Her eyes began to shut, as she began to purr. Twilight came in and saw what he was doing, brining a tray with two tacos on it. "Uh... Deadpool?" Twilight asked, chuckling to herself. Deadpool Screamed like a woman. Fluttershy yelled and Screamed with him!!! He jumped in the air, causing Fluttershy to hit the floor on her back! "What do you mean!?!?!?" Deadpool muttered out "I wasn't scratching behind my favorite pony's ear!!! Especially knowing that this land is a cartoon world in my world!!!" The two stared at him blankly. "...okay. I guess that's an answer on where you came from." She took it rather pretty well. Perhaps all those Cross over Fan-Fics really did happen!!! Highly unlikeable. "So what you're saying is that you are from a different world where my friends & ALL of Equestria are part of a cartoon program?" Twilight asked "♫...B***h, you guessed it!!! You was motherf*****g right!!!♫" Deadpool replied "Can you stop with that weird language!?!?!? It's really uncomfortable." I agree: you need to cut all the swearing. You swear too!!! Not as much as mother f***ers. "...Alright then," Deadpool said "I'll try to cut down all the swearing. Pinkie Promise. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye" Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. "Well," Twilight began "I see you already know the Pinkie Promise." "I believe he may know more about us than we think." Fluttershy added. "ALMOST FORGOT!!!" Deadpool yelled. He ran and slid across the floor, landing next to Twilight's left side. He put his right arm across from her & pulled out his cellphone with the other. "What are you doing!?!?!?" Twilight demanded, trying to Push Deadpool away. "Don't worry Twilight," Fluttershy said "It something his species call 'Selfies'." "It is!!!" Deadpool yelled "Say Cheese!!!" "uh... cheese?" Twilight awkwardly asked, making a nervous smile. A simple flash came from the phone. Deadpool got up and walked around the castle, sending his new picture to his friends on Facebook. "Now, who will I take a selfie with next?"
Appuls. Pony #5: ApplejackAuthor's Note 2 figures of business finally meet: an earth Pony who's a farmer & who's mind is on Apples 24/7 and a human who's a contract killer & mind is on... who knows what. Who'll be next? Stay Tuned!!! Appuls. Pony #5: Applejack "Well," Twilight said "we need to find a different hiding spot for you now. I believe the ponies here will ask me questions on what's happening. You all head to Sweet Apple Acres and introduce Deadpool to Applejack." APPLEJACK!!! She's the redneck of the group, right? She's a western. And to go more deeper: she's more like a cowboy. So she rides horses? THEY ARE HORSES!!! Wait, so does that mean... OH!!! She DOES NOT do that!!! You're a kill joy. "Thank Celestia for that." Deadpool said "What did you say?" Fluttershy asked "Oh... nothing. Let's head to Sweet Apple Acres!!!" He jumped and landed on Rainbow Dash's back. "RIDE MY TRUSTY STEED!!!" "EXCUSE ME!?!?!?" Rainbow Dash asked "YEE HAW!!!" Deadpool slapped Dash's flank area and she began to run!!! "WHAT THE-? How did you-" "FLY!!! JUST FLY!!!" Dash grunted to herself & flapped her wings. She was also surprised at how light Deadpool was, despite that he was taller than them. Deadpool grabbed onto the pegasus' mane, as he looked down & saw the town. It sure is beautiful, isn't it? I hate to admit it, but yeah, it is. Is it alright if we do it? Do what? You know. The famous song for Titanic? No. Please? No! Pretty Please? ... Alright. But only this one time. let me clear my voice. SWEET!!! Together now!!! ♫And IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII will always love you!!!♫ ♫And IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII will always love you!!!♫ "We're above Sweet Apple acres." Fluttershy said "Dash, could you kindly land for him?" "I'm on it." Dash replied a bit annoyed that she's being used as transportation. "Are you ready?" "F**k this." Deadpool said to himself. He let go of Dashie's mane, put his arms to the side, leaned to the left a bit, and then let gravity do the work as he fell down to the apple farm below. You know we can't die, right? "I likt to imagine we can, especially after hearing you two sing that." I told you it was a terrible idea!!! You begged for me to join you!!! "We're here!!!" Out in the distance, surrounded be trees, a familiar orange pony with a yellow ponytailed mane & tail wearing a stylish cowboy hat bucked some apples. She stopped as she heard what sounded like a male screaming. She looked up and, sure enough, something was falling from the sky & landing near a hill to her front. Deadpool landed on the hill roughly, breaking some bones, and rolled down the hill. The mare stood silently, as Deadpool rolled down the hill and... sang? "♫They see me rollin, They hatin', Patrolling they tryin to catch me ridin' dirty! Tryin to catch me ridin' dirty! Tryin to catch me ridin' dirty! Tryin to catch me ridin' dirty! Tryin to catch me ridin' dirty!♫" Deadpool gently tapped the mare's hooves, looking up at the pony's green eyes. "...Can ah help you?" The mare asked "Do you require some fancy medical attention? 'Cause ah don't have any of that fancy stuff. "Don't worry about that. I'm actually looking for Applejack." "Yer looking at 'er." Deadpool stared at the mare; It definitely was Applejack. "huh... Figures." Deadpool kicked himself right back up "Name's Deadpool: Businessman of getting rid of different characters & things!" He extended his hand to her like the gentleman he is. Applejack extend her front hoof and 'grabbed' Deadpool's hand, then shook him rather violently, shaking it like the Gentle-Mare SHE was. "Howdy! Name's Applejack!!! A'hm a buisnessmare maself as ah sell apples, zap apple jam, and mah family's special made cider across this fair town!!! Of course, if A'hm not selling anything, A'hm busy runnin' the farm with ma big brother, lill' sis, and Granny!!!" A loud 'Rip' was Heard. Deadpool and Applejack, with wide eyes, looked down: Applejack, from her violent shaking of Deadpool's hand, ripped his arm right off!!! Both stood there, looking at each other, then the arm, then back, then the arm, still with wide eyes. Deadpool began to chuckle. "What's so Funny!?!?!? Ah- Ah- Ah tore yer' arm off!!!" "I know! Can you... Lend me a hand!!!" *Ba Dum, Crash!!!* Ugh... Worst... joke... EVER!!! "There he is!!!" Rainbow Dash's voice yelled. Applejack and Deadpool looked up: The Two pegasi were above them and landed onto the floor. "Mr. Deadpool!" Fluttershy yelled a bit with both disappointment and worry "What were you thinking!?!?!? You could've been hurt!!!" "I laugh at pain!!!" Deadpool replied, trying to point at himself with his nub of an arm, bleeding. "He's kinda right," Dash replied "And I see you've meet Applejack. Applejack, how's Deadpool doing? Has he done anything to you?" "No," Applejack replied "but... ah tore his arm off." "GIMME DAT!!!" Deadpool yelled, snatching his arm away from Applejack's hoof. The arm retaliated and slapped Deadpool across the face, causing him to drop his own body piece. It hit to the floor, got up, gave Deadpool the middle finger, then it's hand & fingers acted as the arm's 'feet' and seemed to crawl away. "Does... that happen a lot?" "Not like that." Fluttershy replied, a bit freaked out at what the arm did. "He just flipped the bird!!!" Deadpool said in complete surprise. "That poor baby bird!!!" "We need to stop that little piece of s**t!!!" "Wait," Applejack said in confusion " what's a little piece of-" "What he's saying AJ," Dash interrupted, putting her hoof in the farmer's mouth, muffling her "is that we need to get that arm back!!!" "Does this happen with you back home?" Fluttershy asked Deadpool "Sometimes." Deadpool responded "The only time when they do listen & obey is on Taco Tuesday." "Oh... should we get it?" "Nah, let me see if I can catch it." Deadpool teleported away to the branches of the tree above. Without his other arm, holding on the tree & balancing was really difficult for him. He continued his teleporting to the trees, looking for his rogue arm. A.J. swiped Rainbow Dash's hoof out of her mouth. "C'mon ya'll!!!" A.J. yelled "We gotta help Deadpool find his missing arm." "But how?" Dash asked "...get ma rope." Deadpool teleported into another tree. He spotted his arm catching it's 'breath'. There's that little Son of a b***h!!! Wait: doesn't that make US a son of a b***h? "Enough talking who's a b***h to who," Deadpool said to himself "we're going to make him our b***h." You mean ourselves, right? "... SHUT THE F**K UP!!!" The arm jumped at Deadpool's yell. "Great! See what happens when I think!!! GET OVER HERE!!!" Deadpool jumped off his tree and chased after his arm. The arm 'looked' behind itself every now & then, but ended up hitting a tree. Deadpool cornered the arm on the said tree, readying himself to pounce. "Alright arm; you're going back in my socket and we're not going to have trouble after this, got it?" The arm returned with another middle finger. "THAT'S IT!!!" Deadpool leapt towards the arm. The arm also 'leapt' into the air and slapping him across the face, causing him to be knocked off course and slamming into the floor!!! The arm began to 'run' away, but a lasso came out of nowhere, catching it by the hand area and socket area. the lasso shut itself tight on it, and the arm began to struggle it's way to get free. Deadpool looked up and saw that Applejack, while using her tail, had hogtied his arm down!!! "YEE HAW!!!" She yelled "That was easier than taking down that stampede!!!" "Way to go AJ!!!" Rainbow Dash yelled "You rock!" Fluttershy cheered "woo-hoo!" Applejack steadily walked towards the struggling arm as it was tied up. In just a few inches, she stomped on the hand of the arm, making sure it wouldn't move again. "You better gat 'yer arm back in, otherwise it'll run off again." "uh... thanks." Deadpool said a bit surprised at how she did it. He fell down to his armless side, slamming the loose arm down into the ground. In a few moments, he got right back up: his arm was back in place!!! "ALRIGHT!!! Thank you so much!!!" "It was nothin'. Next time, I'll charge ya, but fer now, it's free." "Say! Want to remember this moment?" "uh... sure, I guess." Deadpool leaned over to A.J., took out his cell phone and, using his other hand hung it above them!!! "Say 'Business'!!!" "Uh... Business?" Deadpool took the picture with an awkward smiling applejack. "Hold on... WHO JUST PHOTOBOMBED MY SELFIE!?!?!?" A pair of blue eyes were only seen.
Newton cries a lot. Pony #6: Pinkamena Diane Pie (or Pinkie Pie)Author's Note Help me... More should be coming soon. Newton cries a lot. Pony #6: Pinkamena Diane Pie (or Pinkie Pie) Everyone stiffened up and froze in place. They all slowly turned around, sweating hard on who photobombed Deadpool's picture. Deadpool looked down and was now face to face with the photobomber; blue eyes and a pink body. He knew who it was. Ok... Don't make... any... sudden... movements. Just back up slowly. Deadpool took two steps back slowly. The pink mare with a small smile followed him a bit. NO way!!! We have to do the opposite!!! Right foot let's stomp!!! Deadpool stamped on his right foot. Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash all gasped a bit. The other mare made a questionable look on Deadpool's action. Left Foot let's stomp!!! Deadpool stamped his other foot to the floor "Freeze!!!" The mare yelled. Deadpool and the others froze in place. "Everypony claps your hooves!!!" Surprisingly, the ponies stood on their hind legs and clapped their front hooves together, following Deadpool as he clapped his hands that felt similar to a song back home. "Come on ya'll!!! Check it out ya'll!!! How low can you go? Can you go down low? All the way to the floor? How low can you go?" "Yeah," Rainbow Dash said, getting out of the weird dance phase "thanks, but no thanks." "Aw... you don't like DJ Casper's Cha Cha Slide?" "You know DJ Casper!?!?!?" Deadpool asked in pure surprise "Yeah!!! We all know that song, but no one bothers to look up the song AND the artist!!!" "I know, right!!!" "Especially how the radio plays the same song over & over!!!" "It's so annoying!!! I'm tired of hearing them over & over, again & again, everyday!!!" The two stared at each other a bit. The three other ponies blinked once and somehow, both the human and the mare had top hats with monocles. "The name's Pinkie Pie." "Deadpool, it's quite elegant to meet you madame." The three ponies rubbed their eyes and somehow, both sat on chairs at a fancy looking table, complete with a vase filled with flowers, napkins, and a tea set. The two were dressed in tuxedos while sipping tea. "I've never meet such a fine creature like you." Deadpool said "You are the one & only Pinkie Pie, am I right?" "Oui," Pinkie replied "That is correct, my strange but good sir." "y'know," Applejack whispered to the pegasi "for both being so random, this is quite tame for them." "TAME!?!?!?" Both Pinkie and Deadpool yelled "You wish for Craziness!?!?!?" Pinkie asked "WE'LL GIVE YOU CRAZINESS!!!" Deadpool finished. They both flipped the table together. Pinkie pulled out her party canon and fired at her friends, covering them in confetti!!! Deadpool jumped onto her back and the two ran away!!! Everyone stood with wide open eyes with small pupils. "You had to say something." Dash commented to Applejack. Twilight stood in front of her castle as a swarm of ponies stood around it, each asking what happened with Rainbow Dash's Sonic Rainboom. "Everypony," Twilight ordered "Calm down! Look, we should all know that Rainbow Dash trains a lot. She may have done a Sonic Rainboom as part of her training routine or as a way to make up a new trick." "If that's it," a lone unicorn said "Then why was there a red blur in front of her?" "Well... she may... uh... have had... a couple of... APPLES!!! Yep! She had apples in front of her!" "Why?" A small foal asked "For... a snack!" "Oh yeah," A familiar unicorn said, walking up to Twilight "or it's perhaps you meet MY HUMAN!!!" "LYRA!?!?!?" "Yeah! You meet him alright!!! You meet Deadpool!!! You took him from me!!!" "LYRA!!!" a beige coated, pigment blue mane with a rose pink streak, cerulean eyes, and a cutie mark of three wrapped up candies yelled from the crowd "Stop embarrassing yourself!!! There's no such things as humans!!!" "THEY DO EXIST!!! He wore red!!! Had a mask with white eyes in black spots!!! He even wore a belt buckle with his own face on it!!! Why I summoned him and-" Lyra monologued on how she meet Deadpool early that day. Twilight turned her eyes and saw a familiar pink pony with a familiar human: Pinkie Pie and Deadpool ran into Sugar Cube Corner, both laughing very maniacally!!! Twilight began to sweat hard, turning back to Lyra. "And he teleported out of my face!!! He is here somewhere!" "Hold on," a stallion said "I saw something that looked like what you described! Princess Twilight and her friend Fluttershy were carrying that!" "Yeah," Another stallion said. Twilight was now sweating like a water fall. "Lyra... you're crazy!!! Mistaking something like that for a real human. Princess, that's an awesome prop! Are you doing anything with it?" "Me?" Twilight asked "well... that was a gift for... Celestia!!! Yeah! She needed something to hold onto her accessories, so that was going to be her personal holding stuff." "See Lyra: you're always making stuff up just to become popular!" "But I-" Lyra stuttered a bit "C'mon guys," a pegasus mare said "let's get out of here." The whole town left to do their own thing. Lyra stood with her mouth wide open, she turned and gave Twilight a death stare. "Where is he?" Lyra asked "Him?" Twilight responded with a grin "He's in a place where you'll NEVER find him." Pinkie and Deadpool shut the door to Pinkie's room. Gummy was the only thing in there, but it stood there stupidly, not even acknowledging that a human was there. Deadpool tried to poke one of it's eyes. The alligator simply bit his finger before he could do anything. Deadpool lifted his hand back, with the alligator still biting it, and he tried to shake off the toothless alligator, but was surprised to see that it wouldn't let go. "Silly Gummy," Pinkie said, walking to the two "Don't you know Deadpool is our guest." She reached and, using her mouth, took the alligator off Deadpool's finger by it's tail, taking it away. "So," Deadpool said very seductively "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Pinkie dropped the Alligator on a nearby drawer. She turned to him, eyes halfway closed "Why yes," she returned, also seductive like "when should we begin?" "I say... right now." "Right now? But... what about-" "Shush." He placed his finger in her lips, stopping her sentence "I don't know how it'll work either... but... it'll work somehow." "Ooh... I like that." "I know... bed or floor?" "Defiantly the bed." I feel funny. I'll get the music ready. Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy ran to Twilight, right after Lyra left in a fit. "Twilight!!!" Dash yelled "We got ourselves a situation!!!" "I know!" Twilight responded "I saw the two!" "Where are they?" Fluttershy asked. "In Sugar Cube corner!!!" "Oh Celestia." Applejack said with widened eyes & shrunken pupils. "What!?!?" Everyone asked "uh... I just hope they're not doing it." "What do you mean?" Twilight asked "Trust me!!! Ye don't want to know!!!" "Whatever it is," Dash said "We'll stop them!!!" "Hopefully they haven't started." The 4 ran into Sugar Cube Corner and ran up the stairs!!! They slowly tiptoed to Pinkie's room, but stopping as they heard 2 things: the sound of bed springs going up & down and the moans of both Deadpool & Pinkie. Applejack covered her mouth with one of her front hooves as her cheeks puffed up!!! "Oh... sweet... celestia." Twilight said. "Are they... oh... Dash?" "On it." Rainbow Replied with a disgusted tone. She reached over to the for door knob slowly, not wanting to see what it's inside. She touched it and slowly turned it. All four peered inside. "AUGH!!!" Deadpool yelled "GET OUT!!!" "STOP YOU TWO!!!" Fluttershy yelled, closing her eyes "THAT'S NOT HOW CENTAURS ARE MADE!!!" "Then how are they made?" Pinkie asked. "Yeah," Deadpool added "we're not even having it." Fluttershy opened her eyes: Deadpool and Pinkie were jumping on Pinkie's bed, both performing many tricks and having a great time. Everyone entered and saw what the two were doing. "Oh Sweet Celestia!!!" Applejack yelled "Thank Goodness you two weren't doing it!!!" "What do you think I am?" Deadpool asked while doing a backflip "She's at least 15 years younger than me." "And I don't think cross species will work." Pinkie added "We were discussing on what we should do." "The only thing we came up with is revealing myself to these ponies." "And how will that work?" Dash asked "BY A PARTY!!!" The duo yelled together with confetti appearing right behind them. "That... may actually work." Twilight said. The two stopped i midair and looked down at them. "What do you mean?" Pinkie asked "A party can calm everypony down, Deadpool can be seen as a friend rather than a threat, and Lyra will see that he's in good hooves with us." Deadpool giggled. "What's so funny?" "You said 'us'." Deadpool replied. The duo's gravity defy stunt ended, causing the two to land on the bed again and landing on their feet in the process. "I think I know the pony that can help us out." Pinkie said "Oh great!!! Say, we should take a-" "A SELFIE!?!?!?" "...How'd you know-" "I read the past 5 chapters." "Oh... well... SELFIE!!!" Deadpool pulled his camera out and took a pic with Pinkie, both making a widely funny happy face as their faces hit the screen!!! Deadpool sent his pic to Facebook. "So... who is she?"
Expositions. Pony #7: RarityAuthor's Note If you don't know his backstory... then why are you reading this? Read it and play the Dead Island theme while you're at it. (Dramatic piano one) Who will Deadpool meet next? Find out next time!!! Expositions. Pony #7: Rarity "If we're going over there," Rainbow said "We need a disguise for Deadpool." "I agree." Twilight added "I told every pony that Deadpool, while Fluttershy and I were dragging him, was a gift for Celestia to hold her accessories." "Really?" Deadpool asked in an angry tone. "I'm just an accessory holder to her?" "It could be worse." Fluttershy added "You could've been a statue for her garden." "... I guess you're right. Wouldn't want the birds to be taking s**ts on me all day." "I've got the perfect disguise!!!" Pinkie yelled, digging something out of her chest." "What is it?" Applejack asked!!! "TA-DA!!!" Pinkie held something out to them. "You've got to be kidding me." Dash simply said. Deadpool walked outside with the others, wearing a larger Pinkie Pie costume with Pinkie Duck taped to the front of Deadpool's face. Everyone else walked around him, feeling very stupid about this. "Alright Pooley," Pinkie said "Just follow my direction and we should be there without everyone knowing." "This is not going to end well." Dashie murmured to herself. "Why did we even agree on this?" Twilight asked "I have no idea about all ya'll," Applejack said surprisingly optimistic like "but Pinkie's plan sure is workin'." Sure enough, not a lot of ponies focused the mysterious 2 legged Pinkie with a Pinkie duck taped to it's face area. Only a couple of ponies looked at it, but shrugged away: most likely a new friend Pinkie made, a minotaur most likely. "Alright," Pinkie said "to the left... right... back up a bit... Curl it... pull it... bop it!!!" "HIGH SCORE!!!" Deadpool yelled, carrying Twilight by her tail in a ponytail. "STOP THAT!!!" Twilight yelled "We're here!!!" Pinkie shrieked a bit. Fluttershy walked to the door and opened it, letting everyone inside. Instead of walking inside, he fell to his front, to where Pinkie flipped him over, causing him to rip out of the costume, land on his feet, and with Pinkie still duck taped to his face. "Pinkie." Dash said "You're still on his face." "We know." The two said together. Pinkie kicked herself off the human, ripping the tape off his face clean, but still on her. Pinkie noticed the tape on her chest area, closed her eyes with a grunt, and a new batch of fur came out, dropping the tape down. Everyone but Deadpool stood there with a questioned look, Deadpool was actually applauding. "I have got to learn that trick sometime." Deadpool said. "Who's there?" an elegant voice asked from the second floor. "Is that you, friends?" "It is!" Pinkie answered with a gleeful cheer "And we brought a new comer!!!" "A new customer!?!?!? Hold on, just give me a minute!!!" "I hope Rarity can help someone yer size and shape." Applejack said. Deadpool looked at the farmer. "You sayin' I'm FAT!?!?!?" Deadpool snapped "NO!!! Ah- Ah just meant- well, we never had somepony that was shaped like... you." "OH!!! I SEE!!! RACIST!!!" "Racist!?!?!?" "Or, in my case, SPECIES-IST!!!" "Species-ist!?!?!?" "Why are you being so rude?" Pinkie asked "But... I didn't-" "♫Why do you gotta be so rude?♫" Deadpool sang "♫Don't you know I'm only human too?♫" "Who's singing down there?" The same voice asked. Some clopping sounds came down, as a super light grey unicorn with a stylish moderate indigo mane & tail entered their area. Deadpool teleported out of nowhere. "Rairty!!!" Twilight yelled "We're so glad you're here!!!" "Look," Rainbow Dash said "This is going to sound weird, but we need you to NOT make a dress, but a suit." "Ooh!!!" Rarity said "A stallion!!! Tell me: is he anything BUT Blue Blood AND Trendor Hoof?" "You... can say that." Applejack replied "*Gasp* Where is he!?!?!? What's his name?" "His name is Deadpool." Fluttershy replied "And he's behind you!!!" Pinkie added. Rarity turned, only to see a weird red creature tossing itself to her front hooves! "Notice me Senpai!!!" Deadpool yelled, grabbing onto her hooves "Please... We can work this out together!" Rarity stared down at the human, going from a smile to near blankness fear, with her pupils becoming small. "Senpai?" "AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!" Rarity screamed, knocking deadpool down to his back! She ran to her kitchen, grabbed a nearby frying pan with her magic, and began to beat Deadpool's head with it very rapidly!!! "RARITY!!!" Everyone yelled. Rarity stopped a bit, seeing Deadpool's skull had finally been dented and he is on the floor, presumably dead. "That takes care of that." Rarity said with a sigh of relief. "Can any of you help me take this out to the trash?" "Rarity!!!" Twilight yelled "that WAS Deadpool!!!" "...This is the new customer?" "YES!!!" They all yelled "Oh... what do we do then?" "Just give me a minute." Deadpool's voice replied. Rarity jumped, turning around and arming herself with the same frying pan. She stopped as the dent in Deadpool's skull was join away, back to it's original shape. Deadpool stood right back up, fully healed. "Do you do this with every new customer?" Horrible service if you wanted to be stylish. Or being so FABULOUS!!! Rarity backed up from Deadpool, shivering a bit and dropping the frying pan. "Is he... dangerous?" Rarity asked "Nah," Dash said "I already beat him up already." "Only because I allowed you." Deadpool replied "YOU THREW A BRICK AT ME!!!" "YOU WERE SPYING!!!" The two locked eyes together, intensely staring at each other. Deadpool's arm reached up and his hand touched her muzzle "BOOP!!!" She made a scrunch face from it. Deadpool ran away a bit, giggling like a madman! "Truth be told," Twilight said "He acts more like Pinkie Pie rather than a threat." "So... he can be both?" Rarity asked "Maybe. We should probably avoid what makes him snap like what we did with Pinkie on accident." "That inspired the story Cupcakes!!!" Deadpool appeared right between them, carrying them up to his face level. "...cupakes!?!?!?" Rarity asked "Don't read unless you're a fan of the Saw films... or torture p**n films." "...Torture p-" "With the dresses, please!!!" "Oh... alright... why do you need something?" "Tonight," Pinkie said "I'm going to throw a HUGE party for him!!!" "And I'm going to reveal myself to the public!!!" Deadpool added "Why didn't you do that?" Rarity asked "We're not sure how Ponies would react," Applejack answered "fer all we know, they'd burn him on the stake for bein' a witch." "Nice imagery." Deadpool said. "Very well then," Rarity said "I'm going to see what I can do. Deadpool, stand still while I measure you thoroughly." Deadpool dropped Rarity onto the floor gently. Rarity pulled out her measuring tape and began to measure ever part of him: legs, arms, chest, butt & yoo-hoo area, and head. "Deadpool?" "Yes?" "Is it alright if you can... take your mask off?" "WHAT!?!?! NO!!!" "Please?" "NO!!! N. O!!!" "... Do it or else you'll look like a woman." "And miss my chance on being fabulous!?!?!?" "That's it." Dash said "Get him!!!" All the ponies, including Pinkie, tackled Deadpool hiding him onto the floor. "YOU B***HES!!! WHY DO YOU WANT TO SEE MY FACE!?!?!?" "I can't trust someone who won't show their face!!!" Rarity replied, walking towards his face. "Now, let;s see your Beautiful face!!!" Deadpool struggled ad Rarity used her magic to remove Deadpool's mask. It slowly but steadily came right off. He stopped struggling as everyone got off him and saw his face: it was burnt up really bad, showing more muscle than skin, with some teeth showing. "Whoah!" Dash said "What happened to you?" "Were you burnt up?" Applejack asked "Who did this to you?" Fluttershy asked "And why?" Twilight added "Are you a zombie?" Pinkie asked. Rarity looked down at the... hideous beast, but felt empathy for it. "I-I-I'm so sorry," Rarity said "That was... insensitive of me. I-I-I didn't think that you'd be so-" "Ugly?" Deadpool asked. They all gasped a bit, seeing the weird, ugly zombie figure talk, but still sounding normal. "Can't blame you. Many always ask what I look like behind the mask. I always tell them 'A Zombie' or 'Michael Jackson', but curiosity gets to them, then, they see... this." "Well... I, deeply apologize. Who did this?" "*Sigh* You all really want to know?" They all shook their heads up & down. "Fine. Well, it all started when-" *One Exposition scene later* "And that's how I came to Equestria." Deadpool finished. The mane 6 all sat on their haunches with tears coming down their eyes. "You... poor thing." Fluttershy started "Your past," Twilight said "So... Tragic!!!" "How could that happen!!!" Applejack yelled "How could they do that!?!?!?" "WHY!?!?!?" Rainbow Dash yelled "I just thought you were born this way!!!" Pinkie yelled "NOW I FEEL AWFUL!!!" Rarity yelled "Ladies," Deadpool said "Calm down. Yes, it's tragic, and messed up, but you sometime have to do these things to survive. I should thank them in a strange way, come to think of it." the 6 ran up to him, each giving a hug around his legs. KICK THEM!!! See how far they'll go!!! SHUT THE F**K UP!!! We're having an emotional moment thing here "I'll get that suit ready!!!" Rarity yelled "It'll be the best thing you'll wear!!!" "Thanks." "And here's your mask." Rarity levitated the mast to Deadpool. Without a word, Deadpool put his mask on, covering his near zombie looking face. "TA-DA!!! Rarity?" "Yes?" "Would you like to take a selfie?" "What is that?" "We've all done it." Fluttershy said, wiping a tear away. "It's a rather pleasant thing to do." "Oh.. alright then!" "SELFIE!!!" Deadpool slid over to Rarity with his phone, taking the picture of the 2. "That's it? Rather simple, if I must say." "Ah! But you're beauty is forever held in this!" "Oh! You're such a gentleman!!! Your suit will be ready soon."
DJ Hero Pony # 8: Vinyle Scratch/ DJ Pon-3A couple of hours passed as Rarity worked on Deadpool's new suit. The only thing Rarity had to do was to keep her sister, Sweetie Belle, from going down stairs and giving her a good night. Deadpool & Pinkie had played at least 8008 games of tic-tac-toe (all ending with a tie), Twilight & Rainbow Dash read at least 4 books of Daring Do, Fluttershy left to babysit some new bunnies, and Applejack returned to her home, mostly to keep her family from worrying where she was at. Rarity entered their room. "It is finished." She simply said. Everyone got up and went to see Deadpool's new suit: It looked like a tuxedo, but red replaced the white with the exception of the two front pockets, which were shaped to look like Deadpool's eyes, and his belt buckle was shown on both shoulders & back. "Holy s**t!!!" Deadpool said "That... is... EPIC!!!" "You like it?" "No... I LOVE IT!!!" "How Flattering!!!" "Now we can get this party started!!!" Pinkie yelled "But how?" Twilight asked "Let me handle that. Deadpool?" "Yes?" the human asked, lowering his head to the mare. "Get your suit on & wait in Suger Cube's Corner cellar. You'll know my signal." "Easy enough." "Just... don't get caught, okay?" "Got it." Deadpool quickly put on the new suit, seeing how stylish and fitting it was on him. He began to 'sneak' his way around Pontville, though there was barely anyone around with the exception of a few bats, owls, and the moon. "♫Tip-toeing in my Jordans, I done came down Tip-toeing in my Jordans-♫" "What are you going to do?" Rainbow Dash asked Pinkie "You'll see," Pinkie replied "I've got an old friend that'll DEFIANTLY help us out." Some time passed. A unicorn with the same color coat as Rarity's, but spiked up moderate cobalt blue with brilliant cyan stripes with round purple tinted glasses appeared to them with black case that had a red button on it. "I remember her!!!" Dash yelled "You're from the Canterlot wedding!!!" "That's right," the unicorn replied with a deeper but still female sounding voice with tomboy in it "Vinyl Scratch, better known as DJ Pon-3. Pinkie invited me to make some music for a friend of hers. Who is this certain somepony, Pinkie?" "Oh," Pinkie replied "You'll meet him. I'll announce his name, he'll appear onstage with you, and we'll get this party started!!!" "Sounds great!" "Need help making a stage?" Twilight asked. "Nah. Stand back folks." the 4 walked back a few feet. Vinyl pushed the red button with her muzzle; the black case opened, then out popped out a whole stage, complete with 8 feet high loudspeakers, her own stage, two disco balls, a set of records, and three smoke machines. "How'd you do that?" Rarity asked "Thanks to your show, I've gained new fans around Equestria! I'm officially the queen of music around here!!!" "But what about your best friend?" Pinkie asked. Vinyl turned around and lowered her glasses, revealing her purple eyes. "She's not hip like me." Vinyl put back her glasses and walked onstage. She turned some machinery on, activating her booth. Some music began to play, but at a rather low volume. She turned a nozzle and the music started to get louder as it turned. Some ponies opened up their windows & door and began to look outside to see what was making that noise, but were surprised to see a DJ booth up with music playing. Pinkie walked up to the stage and picked up a microphone on Vinyl's booth. "Come on Everypony!!!" Pinkie exclaimed "It's a party for a new friend and resident of Ponyville!!!" Deadpool hanged out in the bottom of the basement. He was hearing what they she was saying. I love this song!!! Do you even know what it's called? ... is it from DJ Hero? No. It's 'generic techno' #9001 "IT'S OVER 9000!!!" Deadpool yelled. "Did you hear something?" A female voice asked "I do," a male replied "I believe it's coming from that DJ booth outside." "Oh Sweetie, don't you think we should help the children sleep?" "I think so too dearie, but... I don't think there'll be a problem for the twins to stay up a few extra hours." "I hope you're right." Close call there. "Attention everypony!!!" Pinkie's amplified voice announced through the loudspeakers. OH!!! It's almost Showtime!!! "Thank you all for coming to this near last minute party! I apologize for ruining your sleep time, but I thank Vinyl, my close friends, and our newest friend AND New resident here in ponyville!!! Fillies and Gentlecolts, please, clap your hooves for someone out of this world: DEADPOOL!!! "It's showtime." Deadpool simply said. In a puff of red smoke, he disappeared from the basement and landed onstage, standing next to Pinkie and in front of Vinyl!!! The whole crowd gasped at the sight of Deadpool. Vinly stopped the music and took her glasses off, also surprised at the sight of Deadpool. A whole minute of silence stood, as Deadpool stood there. Pinkie walked next to him, still carrying the microphone. "Mr. Deadpool, care to say anything?" Deadpool swiped the Microphone from Pinkie. "Hola a todos! Mi nombre es Deadpool, y he venido aquí para salvar a poco la trama de todos los presentes de los rostros del mal en esta hermosa tierra !!!" All the ponies scratched their heads, not even sure what he said. "That was español for 'Hello, I'm Deadpool and I'm awesome, sexy, & the newest hero since Mare-Do-Well'." More silence came from the crowd. Pinkie began to stomp her hooves to the ground, flowed by Twilight, Rairty, & Rainbow Dash. Applejack and Fluttershy began to stomp theirs in the crowd, then everypony followed. "Okay then," Vinyl simply said, putting her glasses back on. "LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!" Deadpool teleported next to her, causing her to jump from her spot. "Deadpool style!!!" Deadpool added, taking her spot. He grabbed a record, put it on the track player, and began the music. Vinyl watched as Deadpool was acting very much like a DJ: He applied the right amount of pressure onto the disks to perform a scratch in the music, faded the music enough to when it went to another song, and had the enthusiasm a DJ needed with the crowd ACTUALLY Cheering and dancing to the music!!! Vinyl growled a bit and pushed him away! The crowd stopped, saw what was happening, and gasped. "What's your problem? I'm the only DJ here!!!" Deadpool got right back up "What's my problem!?!?!? I'm the guest of honor here, and I was helping the crowd get amped up while showing MY skills as a Dj." "HEY!!! I'm the Queen of Dj here!!! I'm the best in Equestria!!!" "Oh yeah! I'm the best from where I come from!!!" the two stared down at each other. "Are you challenging me to a DJ battle?" "Yes." "You think you can defeat me?" "No... I'm going to DETHRONE YOU!!!" "Oh it.. is... ON!!!" The stage activated, opening another DJ booth to Vinyl's on it's right side. The two walked to their booths: Vinyl on the left and Deadpool on the right. The two stared down at each other more. "Looks like it's a DJ BATTLE!!!" Pinkie announced on the microphone "New Comer, Deadpool, will be battling against the queen of DJs herself: DJ Pon-3!!! Who'll win? You Decide who did their job better!!!" The crowd cheered. Both Vinyl and Deadpool picked out their tracks and began their battle!!! *One vigorous DJ battle later* Both Deadpool and Vinyl panted very hard, sweating like waterfalls. The crowd cheered for their music and battle!!! The two walked to each other. "You know," Deadpool said, taking a deep breath "you weren't so bad, even without having fingers." "Thanks." Vinyl replied "I hate to admit, but you really have a great sense of beats, even for me." "Thanks. Truce?" Deadpool lifted one of his hands over to Vinyl. Vinly picked up one of her hooves and began to shake Deadpool's hand. "Truce." "The polls are in." Pinkie said, opening up a card. "And the winner is... IT'S A TIE!!!" "A TIE!?!?!?" the two yelled "Yeah! Everypony loved your music SO MUCH, that neither of you won nor lost!!! Vinyl: you can stay as the DJ queen of Equestria. Deadpool: you have now grown to be up to her level on the dot. What do you say?" The two looked at each other, lowered their eyelids and smiled. "What do you say?" Vinyl asked "Wanna go another round?" "Kinda." Deadpool replied "but not as a battle, but a duo." "My thoughts exactly." Deadpool's booth went away. they both walked to Vinyl's booth and stood next to each other. The crowd cheered for the two, as Deadpool picked up a track and Vinyl placed it inside. "Before we start, is it alight if we take a selfie together?" "Fine by me!" "SWEET!!!" Deadpool picked up his phone and took a picture of the two together with the huge background right behind them!!! "I just now wonder how everyone back home is doing?" "Think about that tomorrow. For now, we got a crowd to please." "On it!" "Let's DO THIS!!!" They both yelled, blasting another song that made the ponies cheer even louder. Author's Note Imagine the battle like this, but ending with a tie. and the duo went like this: Who will Deadpool meet next? Find out next time!!!
Wonderful Day, eh? Pony #9: Princess Luna."WAKE UP WADE!!!" A demanding male voice yelled. Deadpool woke up and looked around him: he was no longer in Ponyville, let alone the stage that he and Vinyl were on, but he was in a small cubicle with a computer on one of the walls on a desk, some pens & pencils in a holder, a coffee mug that says 'stay focused', a picture of him with the EQG Pinkie Pie in what seems to be a wedding, and pills. Deadpool looked up: it was his old buddy Cable, but he didn't have the metal parts on him nor having his huge @$$ gun anywhere, only him in a suit with glasses. "Cable?" Deadpool asked "I told you for the last time: Get those papers signed or YOU'RE FRIED!!!" Cable threw some papers right at Deadpool's face and left. Deadpool sat for a minute. He got up and ran somewhere else! Everywhere he saw, cubicles at every turn, all his friends, enemies, and acquaintances were in the cubicles, sitting on their chairs, looking on their computers, answering phones, and not wearing their spandex costumes, but instead either business suits or dresses!!! He looked ahead and saw a water cooler: perhaps some water could help clear things out a bit? Deadpool took one of the paper cups and had himself a drink. In the corner of his eyes, he saw a familiar face. "LOGAN!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled. His old 'pal' Logan was carrying some papers, as he too had the same attire as the rest of the others, but his hair style was now more trimmed rather than looking like his mask. "Oh! Why hello Wade!" Logan replied in a Canadian accent "Wonderful day we're having, eh?" "What's with the accent?" "Born with this, eh. Want to go to the hockey game after this, eh?" "What? NO!!! Where am I?" "You work in the offices of Weapon X, eh. We make $8.53 an hour, eh. You took this job to support your wife and child, eh." "I HAVE A WIFE AND CHILD!?!?!?" "WADE!!!" A familiar voice yelled. He turned and saw Pinkie from the Equestria girls universe in trashy looking clothing with a baby wrapped in a blanket. "I thought you'd said you'd take me out to dinner, not mess around with the coworkers." "Soory for that, eh." Logan apologized. "Is that... a baby?" Deadpool asked "It is!" Pinkie replied "YOU'RE SON!!!" She opened the blanket and Deadpool looked inside: the baby had the face of Justin Beiber!!! "NO! THIS CAN'T BE!!! WIFE & GAY SHE-MALE CHILD!?!?!? CRAPPY OFFICE JOB WITH LOW PAY!?!?!? RESPONSIBILITIES!?!?!?!? I'M IN HELL!!!" "And taxes, eh." Logan added "NNNNNOOOOOO!!!" "BE GONE FOUL IMAGES!!!" an even more authoritative female voice yelled. A Blue blast came and faded the whole office away. Deadpool looked up and saw what was another pony coming from a flash of white; it was female, whole body was dark blue with a mane that looked like the night shy & seemed to move on it's own, had a weird blotch on it's flank with a white crescent moon in it, and had both the wings of a pegasus & horn of a unicorn. "Oh thank f***ing lord!!! Princess Luna, right?" "Yes. We are Princess Luna; the princess of the night. Deadpool, we have came to you to-" "How'd I fall to sleep?" "... what?" "HOW... DID... I... FALL... TO... SLEEP?" "Oh... Thouest stage dived off the platform and all ponies made a hold, causing you to fall onto the floor and became unconscious." "...Really? What a load of Bulls***!!!" "Anyways, Deadpool; We have heard about your arrival and what you've done lately. Thouest quest isn't admirable, nor villainous, but we need thee to take what thouest call 'selfies' with Everypony imaginable!!!" "Wait!?!?!? I have to take a selfie with EVERYPONY!?!?!?" "Yes! And Anything that isn't necessarily a pony." "God Da**it!!!" "But, thouest can take a 'selfie' with a group to make thy joinery shorter." "...At least that's good news." "And thy took a selfie with thee unconscious body." "YOU B***H!!!" "Relax. We didn't take thou's mask off." "... alright then... I'll give you that. Say, where are my two buddies?" "Does thouest mean the different colored self with different colored words?" "YEAH!!! Those 2!!!" "Right over there." She pointed to the right with one of her front hooves. Deadpool looked over: both his sides were playing poker together. His logical self was blue in color and wore very nerdy looking glasses, while his fun self was yellow-orange in color with weird Al inspired hair sticking out of the back of his head. "GUYS!!! Where were you both at!?!?!?" Playing Poker Playing poker "Thy selves are... interesting." Luna commented "That's just them, Princess Moon cheeks." "...Moon cheeks? What does that even-" Before she could finish, the yellow Deadpool teleported right behind her and slapped her flank! Luna looked up & froze; her eyes widened while her pupils shrunk and she blushed a bit. DRUM SOLO!!! Together now!!! The yellow played the famous drum solo on Luna's flank from a certain Phil Collins song... "♫And I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord!!!♫" Deadpool sang ♫Well, I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord!!!♫ ♫I can feel it in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord!!!♫ Luna's whole face became red. She lifted her backlegs and and bucked the yellow deadpool in the face. "SHUT UP!!!" Luna yelled. All three Deadpool's huddled together out of fear. "THOUEST WILL NOT SLAP THY PLOT ANYMORE!!! THY HAS TAKEN THEE TO AN ARE TO BEGIN THY'S QUEST WHEN THEY WAKES UP!!! "And when is that?" Deadpool asked with fear "NOW!!!" The whole place began to light up!!! Author's Note For the rest of these chapters... YOU DECIDE WHO DEADPOOL WILL MEET NEXT!!!
Where are the other 2 at? Pony # 10, and 11: Doctor Whooves and Derpy HoovesAuthor's Note Deadpool is encountered by the couple themselves: Doctor and Derpy Hooves!!! Perhaps the 2 really are like how the fandom thinks of them... or not? Who will Deadpool meet next? You decide!!! Where are the other 2 at? Pony # 10, and 11: Doctor Whooves and Derpy Hooves "PRINCESS MOON CHEEKS!?!?!?" Deadpool snorted. He looked at his surroundings: he was inside what was most likely another pony's home, but not any of the Mane 6's home. He found himself on a pretty small bed, with his knees sticking out of the bed and 2 blankets trying to cover him whole. the sun hit him in the eyes, it was most likely the morning. He got up and looked through the windows: ponies walked around everywhere with a few pegasi flying by his window. Yep. He was still in Equestria. He looked at a picture next to him and picked it up: it was a family photo with a brown stallion with an even darker brown mane, a pink unicorn mare with a more purple mane holding a smaller unicorn that had a grey coat with yellow mane, and a grey pegasus with the small unicorn's features, but having more crossed eyes. HA HA!!! That one's stupid!!! HEY!!! We don't know what she's really like! She's a mother! For all we know, she's really determined to do the right thing help her children to both become model citizens and make a name for themselves!!! Oh come on, we've seen her MANY times in the show: she's really the reason why we love it! Oh!?!?! Really? We can say she's really clumsy AND, I will admit, may be the brightest of the bunch, but she's AT LEAST not a d****bag like you!!! WHY YOU LITTLE- A small creak was made. Deapool looked up and saw the same, grey coat, yellow mane, cross eyed pegasus staring at him at the doorway. "Good morning Mr. Deadpool." the pegasus announced herself in a voice that would sound similar to a dumb blonde girl back home. "My husband and I saw you sleeping on the floor, and we dragged you back to our home. When you're ready, please, come downstairs, breakfast is downstairs." She trotted away, humming herself a tune. Well... we don't want to be rude about it, do we? Breakfast actually does sound nice. We haven't anything ALL DAY YESTERDAY!!! "I'm sure we can go another day." Deadpool said to his self with confidence. A rumbling came from his stomach. "...Alright... we'll get a quick bite with this family." YAY!!! YAY!!! Deadpool exited the room. He noticed that the house he was in was a 2 story house, complete wit stairs. For what it looked like, he was probably in a guest room, while there was a room for the couple and a room for the two others in the picture, with some restrooms, of course. He quickly went down the stairs and saw the hello tail of the pegasus went into another room. Peering over the corner, Deadpool saw the Pegasus was inside a dining room area, holding a brown paper bag in her mouth and placing it on the table. Deadpool felt tapping right behind him. "Ahem." A voice said similar to David Tennant. Deadpool turned around and saw the same stallion in the photo. "May I ask why you're trying to sneak around here?" "Hubby!!!" The pegasus yelled "Did you meet Deadpool? He was the guest of honor last night AND the same character we dragged into our guest room." "Oh yes. I remember his annoying snoring." "Don't play like that. Remember YOU'RE annoying snoring?" "Honey: not in front of guests." "Still trying to defend your ego. You're so silly. Come, I made us breakfast." Deadpool and the stallion walked over to their chair and sat next to each other. Deadpool noticed that, from what it looks like, the other two ponies weren't here. "So..." he began "where are the other two at?" "What?" the stallion asked "I saw your family portrait and those two aren't here right now. Where are they?" "You mean my children?" The mare asked "Well, Dinky, the small one, is in school right now, and Amethyst star, the other one, is currently working at the jewelry shop around here." "Ah! And what are your names?" "Oh dear! We forgot to introduce ourselves, honey. My Name is Derpy hooves, and this is my husband, Time Turner." "Charmed." Time Turner replied "Strange," Deadpool commented "I thought your name would be 'Doctor Whooves'." "...why?" "Back where I come from, you look, and by the sound of it, like David Tennant from the show 'Doctor Who'. You wouldn't know anything about time travel, would you?" "..What!?!?!? No! I fix clocks and keep a tight schedule for everything." "Like?" "Breakfast is up pose to be at least 3 minutes and 12 seconds. You've GREATLY expanded that with your constant questioning." "Honey!" Derpy yelled "Please, stop with your time reminding to guests!" "Oh! I'm sorry, I'm just waiting to see if he'll comment your eyes!!!" Derpy gasped at his comment. Deadpool looked at the two. "Whoah," he said "Look, I do see that your wife's eyes are a bit crooked, but, other than that, there seems to be nothing wrong with her." "Really!?" the couple asked "Yeah. Truth be told, it actually makes her cute." "You... think I'm cute with these eyes?" Derpy asked "Yeah! And you work as a mailman, right?" "Mailmare. And how did you know-" "That takes a LOT of hard work! You have two kids and You're trying your best to support them!!!" "What abut me?" Time turner asked "You: you're the man of the house!!! Fixing clocks? F**k if I know how they work, but YOU do it!!! You both fit together!!!" "...wow... are you a psychologist?" "Nah, I just watch a lot of movies. Stay away from Happy Madison movies though, Adam Sandler runs it and he destroy's comedians comedy." "...ok." "How can we repay you?" Derpy asked "For what?" "For giving us moral support." "Only 3 things: 1) a couple of your so called 'bits'." "Done." "2) a bag of muffins to go. I don't want any of you to see my ugly jaw and feel like I'm a liar. "Understandable." Time replied "and 3) a selfie with you 2." "...What's a selfie?" Both asked "It's a picture with you two from this magical device called... 'a cellphone'." he pulled out his cellphone and showed it to the couple. "That sounds lovely." Deroy replied "Let's just make it quick." Time turner said with a bit of a paranoid voice. Deadpool teleported in between the two on his knees. "SELFIE!!!" A picture was taken with Derpy doing her cute smile while Time Turner was doing the exact opposite. "Sweet!" "Here's your bits and muffins." Derpy said in a muffled voice, holding another brown bag in her mouth, but in one of her front hooves, was a small pile of bits. "Thanks!" Deadpool walked to the front door. He stopped and gave a weird symbol with his hands. "Live long and prosper." "Tell my children you meet us!" "Will do... eventually!!!" Deadpool quickly opened the door, exited, and closed the door. Time turner stood there a bit. "Derpy." Time Turner said. "Yes dear?" Derpy asked "Get the T.A.R.D.I.S. ready."
Not so annoying here. Dragon #1: SpikeUnaware of the couple, Deadpool was still at their door with his ear on their door, listening to what they're saying. OH S**T!!! IT'S DOCTOR WHO!!! Do you know anything of that? Yeah I do!!! It's a british Bill & Ted knockoff. Ugh! Dumb***, it existed before Bill & Ted; it was made in 1963. Wait, really? Yes. Then... that means... MY GOD!!! THE ILLUMINATI IS BEHIND THIS!!! N***A!!! "Hello?" a voice asked. Deadpool screamed like a woman, causing him to trip and fall into the bushes next to the house. He looked up and saw Twilight had snuck up on him. "Oh! I'm so sorry Deadpool. How were the Hooves family?" "Splendid." He replied, trying not to be so surprised "Why were you sneaking around their house then? You know what they're like, right?" Tell her about the Illuminati!!! SHUT THE F**K UP WITH THE ILLUMINATI BULLS**T!!! "Are we done yet?" a young boyish sounding voice asked "Almost. Spike, meet Deadpool. Deadpool, Spike." Deadpool turned his head down more forward and saw the purple with green scaled baby dragon. "Hello Mr. Deadpool, I'm Spike, the-" "DRAGON!!!" Deadpool yelled. He teleported in a puff of smoke and football kicked the dragon, sending him past a napping Rainbow Dash on a cloud, and half way across Ponyville. "DEADPOOL!!!" Twilight yelled angrily "SPIKE ISN'T DANGEROUS!!!" "I know," Deadpool replied "he was annoying." "...WHAT!?!?!?" "LET'S GET HIM!!! (I need to see how far he went though)" Deadpool teleported away, following the airborne Spike. He stopped and landed on one of the roofs, seeing a black dot in the sky that was Spike. "Where will he land?" Well, by the looks of your kick and force, you kicked him up in the air at a near perfect 75 degrees with perhaps- "English, dude!" Alright. He'll land in the market area. I suggest you keep listening to- Nah!!! Let's just catch him like the football he is!!! "Great idea myself!!!" He teleported into the market, ironically, next to a football stand. The screams of Spike falling became louder and louder by the second. "Can I borrow this stuff for a sec? I gotta save a Dragon's life." "Sure." a tan colored stallion replied. Deadpool put on the torso and helmet on. Deadpool prepared himself, as Spike was falling right to him!!! He felt the force of the small dragon hitting his chest, causing him to roll in circles across the floor a bit, but landed on his feet, with an unconscious Spike in his arms. "WOO!!! YEAH!!! TOUCHDOWN!!! IGN: 10 OUT OF 10!!! SUCK IT LOGAN!!!" He stopped and saw the crowd stare at him awkwardly. "uh... hoofball." All the stallions cheered with him at the mention of Equestria's form of American Football. Spike began to groan a bit. "What happened?" the dragon asked "Spike!" Deadpool yelled, acting like a father "How many times did Twilight tell you that you can't fly!!! I know it sucks, but you gotta deal with it." "Why are you in Hoofball gear?" "I saved your life!" "Oh... Really!?!?!?" "I did indeed!!! No need to thank me!!!" "WOW!!! You're like... A Superhero!!! "That's what I am." "REALLY!?!?!? Can we... hang out?" "Aren't we doing that already?" "OH! You're right! Hey, I now a place where we can hang out at. Follow me!" "Alright, just let me return this Hoofball equipment I borrowed to save your life." "Alright, let's make it quick, come on!!!" After a quick drop off of the Hoofball equipment, the duo went to Ponyville's park. Many mares and stallions were there, some having a picnic, others on dates, and a couple just hanging out together as friends. There's no doubt that some of the ponies stared at Deadpool with Spike, who sat down at a random bench. Deadpool pulled out the bag Derpy gave him and pulled out some muffins for the two to share. Spike enjoyed his muffin (a delicious chocolate chip) but watched Deadpool lift the bottom of his mask to eat his. Spike stared at the very messed up looking jaw. Deadpool looked back and saw the dragon staring at him. "Eat your Veggies and you won't get this." Deadpool simply stated before taking his first bite (banana nut flavor). Spike didn't respond, but was mentally scarred for life; Eat his veggies or be ugly like Deadpool, now that was a bit disturbing. "So... beautiful day we're having." Spike simply said, not trying to acknowledge Deadpool's scarred bottom lips. "It is." "How long have you been here?" "This is my second day." "Oh... You meet Twilight and her friends?" "Yep." "How were they?" "Fluttershy made me 'Dawwed' a bit, Twilight was a complete nerd, Rainbow Dash kicked me a**, Applejack helped me get my finger flipping arm back, Pinkie Pie & I had a great time, and Rarity made me a bad*** suit." "Oh... meet any pony else." "Well, Lyra summoned me, which is why I'm here. There was that DJ, Vinyl Scratch, from Last night. She's pretty cool to hang out with, I guess. then I meet Princess Mooncheeks." "Mooncheeks?" "Sorry, I mean Princess Luna." "PRINCESS LUNA!?!?!?!? You meet Princess Luna in your dream!?!?!?" "Yeah. As I was saying, she-" "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! She usually appears to foals in dreams, but with you, THAT'S AN HONOR AMONG HONORS!!!" "...really?" "Yeah!!! What did she tell you? What is your mission?" "Well... she told me to-" "SPIKE!!!" Twilight's voice yelled. Deadpool jumped a bit and put his mask back on. Twilight ran and grabbed Spike, snuggling him like how Fluttershy did to Deadpool's head. She turned his attention and gave Deadpool a death stare. "Twilight!" Spike yelled "You won't believe it!" "I would. Deadpool kicking you to the town market? That's just messed up." "What? No, Luna came into his dream." "Wait... Princess Luna!?!?!?" "Yeah!" "Princess Luna, the princess of the night AND dream master, went into Deadpool's dream." "That's what he said." "It's true." Deadpool acknowledged. "Oh," Twilight said, not believing him "And what did Princess Luna told you?" "That I have to take a selfie with everypony." "...a selfie... with... everypony?" "That's what she said." "Right... I'll send in a letter to Luna and see if what you're telling is the truth." "Go ahead." "You're... serious?" "Go right ahead." The two stared at each other a bit. "Fine! I guess you're telling the truth." "SWEET!!!" "Quick question." Spike began. "yes?" "Did you really kick me?" "yes." "wow... how high did I go?" "R. Kelly would've been proud." "I... don't get it." "Doesn't matter. Let's capture this GOOD memory together, what do you say?" "Uh... sure." Deadpool picked up the dragon in one of his arms. "SELFIE!!!" a Picture was snapped. Deadpool looked up at his phone: 13% was left "AW C***!!! Where can I go to recharge my phone!?!?!? Author's Note DAMN YOU APPLE!!! Where should Deadpool go and who will he meet next?
Satan appears. Only Draconequus: Discord."Deadpool!" A more kindly voice yelled for him. Deadpool turned around and saw Fluttershy running towards him. Fluttershy stopped near his feet. "I was looking for you! "What's wrong?" Deadpool asked "Nothing's wrong. I was looking for you to introduce one of my other friends." "Let me take a guess here: Angel?" Fluttershy nodded her head in a 'no' way "Harry?" another nod "The Cutie Mark Crusaders?" "You're actually close." "... hold up... I think I got it... BABS!!!" "OH FOR GOODNESS SAKES!!!" A voice boomed. The clouds darkened the sky, lightning stuck near Deadpool's feet, and a figure rose from his shadow. It looked like Deadpool's shadow stood up in front of him, but an antler, a horn, a muzzle with a large tooth sticking out, with a tail, and growing to be about 8 feet high!!! "Oh! Discord!!!" How is he a Cutie Mark Crusader? I think the comics are canon in this world as well. oh... think other famous O.C.s like Fluffle Puff can be here? And make our quest longer? I hope not. JINXED!!! "Discord," fluttershy squeaked "was the introduction necessary?" "A lot of things with me are necessary!" Discord replied while slithering around Deadpool, nearly constricting him like a snake "First impressions count as they say." "Indeed." Deadpool replied, teleporting out of the constrictor and sitting on the bench in a relaxed position "Name's Deadpool, 'Merc with a Mouth' back where I come from, 'the guys that made the infamous Cupcakes' on the internet, and 'El Pollo Loco' in Mexico." Discord teleported next to him, also in a relaxed sitting position. "Well then, I take it my introductions aren't needed at all, am I right?" "Why yes, my fair good sir." "Oh my! You are a gentleman to a gentle man!" "Did you really have to bring Discord along?" Twilight asked "Well," Fluttershy replied "He was curious about last night. He said that he was in one of the trees, watching Deadpool and Vinyl battling each other." "wait, how come nopony saw him?" "No, he was IN the tree." "Oh!!! That makes sense." They heard Discord snap and a loud CRUNCH. Turning their heads, they saw a massive piles of tacos!!! Deadpool popped out of the pile, followed by Discord, but both were busy stuffing their faces with the tacos around them. "OH MAN!!!" Deadpool said with a mouthful in his mouth and tears coming out of his eyes "THIS IS THE MOST MAGICAL MOMENT IN MY LIFE!!!" "I know what'll be better!" Discord yelled "What!?!?!?" "GIANT TACO MONSTERS!!!" "*Gasp*!!! WITH US HAVING WEAPONS!?!?!?" "AND FLUTTERSHY & HER FRIENDS FORMING A GIANT ROBOT TOGETHER!?!?!!?" "DIRECTED BY MICHEAL BAY!?!?!?" "AND WE'RE NOW WOMEN!!!" The two yelled together. "I'm scared now." Spike commented. Discord snapper his finger: the Human and Draconequus, in a puff of smoke, were now women, as Discord, being a female Draconequus, had much lighter colors, a more delicate shaped muzzle, & long, white hair while Deadpool had a long ponytail coming out of the back of his/her mask, wasn't as muscular, but had, to make up for it, size F-G... boobs. Fluttershy, Twilight, and Spike stared at the two gender swapped people. Oh...my... God... LOOK AT OUR KNOCKERS!!! I hate to admit it, but this a dream FINALLY FULFILLED!!! "Just look at how fab we are!" Deadpool said in a much sexier voice, female voice. "I agree." the female Discord replied. "I think we've just out-fabulized Rarity!!!" "I hate to see her face with us!!!" The sky began to darken, and, while looking up, they saw UFO's in the sky with what appears to be the Taco Bell Logo on each ship. "Alright ladies," another human male enter, with a sort of leather looking face, medium sized curly hair, and in a suit. "Here's the deal: these are Alien Taco creatures I was going to use in the Ninja Turtles film earlier, but I then placed it in here: Dora the Explorer!!!" "DORA THE EXPLORER!!!" Fem-Pool yelled "B***H!!! YOU ALREADY DESTROYED TRANSFORMERS AND TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!!! IS YOUR TYRANNY NEVER GONNA END!?!?!?" "Hey, the other chick brought me here to make this film. Put these on." Michael Bay there them skin tight jumpsuits with what appears to be military looking, sponsoring Pepsi, and complete with Boobie shaped machine guns with the American Flag painted on it. "You know I joked about bringing him in, right?" "I actually didn't." Fem-Cord replied "And," the evil director said "to make this all better, I've place land mines everywhere, the taco monsters are filled with TNT while operated by some Japanese babies in Tokyo that they made about a week ago, and we'll edit this to be my favorite afternoon shot." "You're a monster!" Fem-Pool yelled "Oh, and here's what you'll battle with when not using my specially made machine guns." He handed them what looked like spears, but repainted to look like, what else, the American flag, but with a brand by Busweiser on it. "Now... ACTION!!!" The two fem fatals charged at the alien taco monsters coming down from the sponsored by Taco Bell UFO's in slow motion. Due to how terribly stupid this is, we will skip this whole segment, as it contains nothing but mindless action, racist and stupid dialogue, ECT. But, all the ponies in Equestira could see was this: A super masculine male and a super hot but dumb woman wearing military looking outfits on top of a new car, waving around their own American Flag around with, upon closer inspection, has every single mega corporation brand in it, followed by some airplanes flying right behind them, leaving behind explosions that form the pattern of Uncle Sam impaling every single country's leader with an American flag as he rides on a soaring Eagle that, in it's talons, has both an elephant and a Donkey, all happening while in an almost never ending sunset. At least... that's the best interpretation anypony could say. Deadpool and Discord, both tired out and beaten while on top of a mountain of Taco monster corpses that are slowly dissolving to Mountain Dew, take their breaths. Satan (Michael Bay if you don't know) came up to them and slowly applauded. "That was the best thing I've seen." He said "And for that, here's your check." He handed out a check for the two. Fem-Pool and Fem-Cord got up and took their check, looking at it. "WHAT!?!?!?" The two yelled "20 DOLLARS!?!?!?" "Oh come on, that's at least, I don't know, a couple hundred here. Perhaps I could make a movie off this Franchise... yeah... My Little Pony: Friendship is Manly." "THAT'S ALREADY A VIDEO!!!" Fem-Pool yelled "Shall I get rid of him?" Fem-Cord asked "Yeah... but first." Fem-Pool pulled out a stylized purse with the Canadian flag on it. "OOH! Let me join!!!" Fem-Cord pulled out her purse with what looked like it was made from Cotton Candy. The two knocked Michael Bay down to the ground and began to hit him with it, surprised to see how he cowered so easily, begging not to be hurt while the song "Whoop that Trick" played. After nearly a full two minutes, Michael was now unconscious from the purse beating. "Shall I?" Fem-Cord asked "Do it." Fem-Pool replied. Fem cord snapped her fingers, sending the evil dictator back to his homeland, but in a new area... A Palestinian Territory!!! "Oh no!" "'Oh no'? Oh no what?" "My spell won't last long. We'll soon be men again!" "Oh... it was... fun... at least." "The taco army?" "NO! Beating up the single most Evil man in all worlds!!! Look, how about... we do something that'll be much better?" "Like what?" "Oh, just wait and see!" A few minutes later: Fem-Cord made a stage for everypony to see. Fem-Cord and Fem-Pool hid behind the curtain. Fem-Pool had a red dress on with a long, yellow wig on her head while Fem-Cord had a green dress on with a, though shorter than Fem-pool's, long brown wig on her head. "You know," Fem-Cord began "after this song, we're going straight back, right?" "Yeah," Fem-Pool replied, pulling out her phone. "say... want to take a selfie while we're so fabulous!" "Oh yes!" "Yeah... this may be my last selfie... forever." "Why?" "Only have... 2% left." "Well let me do this!" Fem-Cord snapped her eagle claw. The phone glowed a bit and, in a puff of smoke, a weird device was on it's back. "Ta-Da!!! Now it's both Solar AND Lunar powered!!!" "This... is AMAZING!!!" "No need to thank me. Let's take that Selfie!!!" "Alright!!!" Both got into their picture, making a... duckface (Though Fem-Cord made their lips actually duckbills for this, before going back instantaneously.). the curtains opened, and everyone saw the two fabulous women inside. "Is that Discord and Deadpool?" Rarity asked "Sadly," Twilight replied "they are." "They're... so... FABULOUS!!!" Music began to play. "♫ You can dance!♫" the two sang "you can jive!!! Having the time of your life!!! Ohhh, See that girl! Watch that scene! Diggin' the Dancing Queen!♫" Author's Note If any of you don't know, I am born in America and, I won't lie, I am a bit prideful of where I live, but I REALLY DO find Michael Bay to be frustrating at times. Need proof? Nostalgia Critic, fill 'em in. And the song is Dancing Queen. Inspired from this: But, enough of that. Who should Deadpool meet next?
Ptthpptthpptthpptthp. Pony #12: Fluffle Puff.Author's Note Fluffle Puff... if you're reading this... You're Awesome!!! If you don't know Fluffle Puff, here you go: http://askflufflepuff.tumblr.com Who should Deadpool meet next? Ptthpptthpptthpptthp. Pony #12: Fluffle Puff. The Mane 6 stood at a nearly frozen in place Deadpool. He was now his male self, but he seemed to be frozen in place, still holding his microphone with one of his hand's fingers pointing out to the crowd while singing Abba's 'Dancing Queen'. "How long has he been standing like that?" Rainbow Dash asked "Almost an entire week." Twilight replied "Is he dead!?!?!?" Fluttershy asked with fear "Highly doubt that." Rarity commented. "How in the hay is he doing that?" Applejack asked "I'm not impressed." Pinkie said. Everyone turned and gave Pinkie an awkward stare. Suddenly, they heard a single sound that, if not mistaken, was a fart. Deadpool finally broke out of his frozen state and fell to the floor, laughing hard. "OH MAN!!!" He yelled while laughing, having a tear fall down his face "I haven't heard a fart joke like THAT in a long time!!! Who Farted!?!?!?" They all looked at each other to see who let out some gas. "HEY!!!" Twilight yelled "Who's grabbing my tail!?!?!?" They all turned and saw something... poofy. It was light pink all over, had blue eyes, was round like a cotton ball, but was, as mentioned, so poofy that no one could see if it had legs or not. "Who is that?" Rarity asked. Deadpool teleported in front of the living cotton ball. "YOU!!!" He yelled. The fluffily pony just sticked her tongue out with a little 'Pfft'. "You know her?" Applejack asked "Know her? She's been taking the internet by storm!!! She's just as popular as me!!! She is... FLUFFLE PUFF!!!" Fluffle Puff's mouth opened with a smile, followed by a gasp. HA!!! LIKE I SAID: JINXED!!! Shut up!!! "You have a history with her?" Dashie asked "...No. I've always wanted to meet her though." "Can you tell us about her?" Fluttershy asked "She seems so... interesting." "There's many things about her: for one, she doesn't talk... AT ALL!!! She does raspberries all the time, with the occasional gasp, laugh, and scream. She lives with a human named Dan, worships 'The Marker' from the Dead Space games, is light enough to be carried by butterflies yet is heavier than anvils, is best friends with Queen Chrysaliss... and loves tacos." "Pfftpfftpfftpfftpftpffttpfftp." Fluffle puff 'spoke' "Oh yeah. I almost forgot about that: Her fur is so deep, different dimensions are in there." "Hold on," Pinkie said "You can translate what she said?" "...Yeah." "SWEET!!! I thought I was the only one that can translate spotty language. "Pfftpfftpfftpfftpftpft." Said the fluff "Is that why you're here?" Deadpool asked. Fluffle Puff nodded her head. "Care to explain more?" "Pfftpfftpfftpffftpfftpffffftpffftpffffftpfft." "Really? I have to do that?" "Pfftpfftpftpffftpffftpftpfffftpft." "This whole thing is a fanfic story!?!?!?" "pfftpftpffftpfffftpffftpfffffftpfftpft." "People Comment who I should meet next?" "pfftpfftpfffftpftpffft." "Really? I have to advertise for this guy that's a cart pusher at Walmart in Buckeye?" "Pft." "Ugh... fine." Deadpool got up. "To all the ladies and gentlemen reading this story. Please, check out Fluffle Puff's stuff on her blog in Tumblr and help her out financially, so you can get more stuff. For Mr. Aquino, please, check out 'The O.C. story', the only story that is finished that stars him and his friends. For some other ridiculousness, check out his other, still working on story, 'The Mares in Black', which has Lyra, Bon Bon, Luna, and Derpy. Thank you all and Happy holidays." The mane 6 stared at him awkwardly. "Who is he talking to?" Dashie asked "The people at home!" Pinkie replied "pfftpfftpffftpfftpfftpftpffftpfffftpft."Fluffle puff 'spoke'. "WHAT!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled "Everyone back home doesn't care that I'm gone!?!?!?" "pfftpftpfffftpftpffffftpftpffftpft." "I have to meet that character now!?!?!?" "Pft." "Ugh... fine. Hold on, are there more O.C.s like you?" "Pft." "Hmm... interesting. I hope that with that done, care to take a selfie?" Fluffle released a gasp with a smile. Deadpool picked up fluffle and the two took a selfie together!!! "Oh s**t." He simply said. Fluffle became heavy to him. He landed on his back with fluffle landing on his chest. She felt like a bunch of anvils on him, but due to her softness, he didn't really care that much. "Do you need help?" Twilight asked "Nah. I'm good."
The Reason this story now has 'Gore' in it. Only Centaur: Tirek."So..." Twilight asked "What did... Fluffle Puff, say, exactly?" "That?" Deadpool responded "Most of it, you don't need to know. She told me, however, is that Tirek is on a rampage in Canterlot." "...Lord Tirek?" Rainbow Dash asked "DEADPOOL!!!" Twilight yelled "THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!!" "I'm not joking this time!!!" Deadpool replied "Tirek is back!!! She told me so!" "How in the hay is he back!?!?!?" Applejack asked "Ah thought we sent him back to that Tartarus place?" "Pfftpfftpftpffftpftpffffftpfftpft." Fluffle Puff answered "YOU WHAT!?!?!?" Pinkie yelled in complete shock "AND HE USED HIS MAGIC TO HELP YOU OUT!!!" Deadpool yelled, teleporting out from under the pink fluff, standing next to Pinkie, also in shock. "Discord!?!?!?" Fluttershy asked in shock "Oh no, not him. It was someone else." "Who!?!?!?" The five out of the mane 6 asked "We'll find out later when this progresses." Pinkie replied. "pfftpftpffftpftpftpffftpfftpfffftpft." Fluffle Puff said "Wait... Really?" Deadpool asked in an intrigued voice "You have it with you?" "Pft." "SWEET MOTHER OF CELESTIA!!!" Deadpool jumped inside Fluffle Puff's fur & disappeared. Everyone outside could only hear his muffled voice, shouting with joy!!! A puff os red smoke came, and Deadpool came out, equipped with a lot of weapons that aren't from Equestria!!! "THANK YOU DAN FROM DAN VS.!!!" "WHAT ARE THOSE!?!?!?" Rarity asked at all of the weapons on him. "These? Why my lovely Rarity, these are my babies!" "Wait, who's the mommy?" Pinkie asked in pure confusion. Deadpool looked at her with a 'seriously?' look. "Not literal babies. These, are my favorite things in life: Twin blade Katanas, Twin 9 millimeter pistols with twin uzis, automatic shotgun, tactical ordinance grenades, bear traps, along with other stuff like rubber chickens, lions and tigers and bears, OH MY!!! All of this is going to be used to take down Tirek!!!" "All... by your own?" Twilight asked "Well no s**t, Sherlock." "HEY!!! I battled Tirek with Celestia's, Luna's, and Cadence's magic COMBINED!!! He's dangerous!!! How will you beat him!?!?!?" "Easy: I'm Dead- Mother F***in'- Pool!!!" He disappeared in a puff of red smoke. Everyone stood around, wondering if he really left or not. A door opened. Everoyne turned and saw Deadpool leaving a costume shop, whistling a tune. He stopped and turned to them: they all gave him a death stare. "Uh... I'll be going." Another puff of red smoke. *** In the middle of the busy stress of Canterlot, a large, tall, and muscular red & black centaur was destroying all of the city, devouring all of the citizen's magic, growing about as tall as the buildings that surrounded him!!! "Yes!!!" He yelled "I should thank that one strange pony for letting me free and that puff ball for making me strong!!! Princess Celestia!!! Today is your end!!! The age of Tirek has begun... AGAIN!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" "Yes," a voice from below said "'muahaha' indeed. What is it with you villains and world domination? Can you do anything like, oh I don't know, just cause chaos?" "Who's there!?!?!? SHOW YOURSELF!!!" Out from a corner of a destroyed building, a trance, bipedal creature came out. Tirek could see that is had red boots & gloves with some black on it, but covering the rest of him was in an outfit that residents in Appleoosa would wear, also having a weird, brown cape/scarf mix around his neck with a brimmed hat covering it's face. "You came to the wrong part of Equestria, Partner. Give up now and you will live... maybe... how much would they pay me if I killed you?" "Who are you?" The figure lifted it's head up, revealing his face: it had on a red mask with black blotches surrounding it's white eyes. "I'm the man with no name. Wade Wilson's the name, Deadpool to everyone else, and to you, it'll be 'NO!!! NOT THE SWORDS!!!'." "HA!!! A small creature like you, defeating something as grand as me!?!?!? HA!!! How Laughable!!!" "Those were the same exact words I said to cancer... and then I died... but I didn't... because I'm here... and... oh, F**K THIS SPEECH!!! FIGHT!!!" Deadpool took out two swords from his back and began to charge at Tirek. Tirek stood there and smirked a bit, finding it funny that someone so small to him is trying to fight back. His horn casted it's glowing orb in between, which was casted around Deadpool "OH S**T!!! I FORGOT ABOUT THIS MOVE!!!" Tirek simply threw Deadpool into an untouched building, in which he went through like a bullet through multiple buildings. "Pathetic creature." He turned around and began to walk to the castle. "HEY!!!" Tirek stopped in place and turned. Deadpool stood back where he was originally at, but having a lot of blood coming down from his body and his cowboy suit was ripped apart. "A**HOLE!!! DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH I PAID FOR THIS!?!?!? 75 BITS!!! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT 75 BITS IS TO AMERICAN CASH, BUT I'M GUESSING, IT'S A F**K LOAD OF CASH!!!" "You're... still alive!?!?!? AND HERE!?!?!?" "Uh... yeah!" A puff of red smoke, and Deadpool was on one of Tirek's horns. "I can do multiple things that YOU can't do. Such as, surviving this encounter. FLASH GRENADE!!!" Deadpool jumped off the giant centaur's head and threw a grenade at Tirek's eyes, blinding the centaur. He landed on the floor and pulled out his uzis!!! "Alright guys, aid me in defeating this n***a!!!" Well, the first thing would be is to avoid using the 'N' word. But all we gotta do is keep shooting him until he's down... in the ground!!! "I LOVE YOUR STYLE!!!" Deadpool yelled to himself. He pulled the triggers to both guns and began to fire waves of bullets at Tirek!!! Tirek felt a bunch of sharp, metal objects piercing his skin, and lifted his hand in front of his face to protect it. His sight came back and saw Deadpool walking towards him while firing his guns. The guns stopped firing and Deadpool looked at his guns. Tirek rose his right arm and began to punch at Deadpool!!! Wade jumped put of the way and Tirek's fist got stuck in the floor!!! Wade quickly put away uzis, pulled out one of swords and the automatic shotgun. He jumped onto the trapped arm, stabbing Tirek with the sword. He ran up the arm, leaving a large cut in the arm, and he used the automatic shotgun to shoot Tirek at his face!!! Tirek, again, covered his face to protect it, but felt the massive pain as Deadpool ran up his trapped arm and the bullets piercing the palm of his hand. Deadpool put away the shotgun and pulled out the other sword, quickly jumping in the air, pulling the other sword, and began to twirl in a circle swinging the swords along with it. He landed on Tirek's back, and stabbed his back, running to the tail area. Tirek turned around and tried to use his magic to grab onto Deadpool again, but felt a large migraine!!! He looked up and saw one of his horns came right clean off!!! Deadpool jumped off Tirek from his... butt... and, using his swords, chopped off Tirek's tail!!! "Missing Something?" Deadpool mocked, holding both Tirek's chopped off horn and tail!!! "I'LL KILL YOU!!!" Tirek yelled, pulling out the arm trapped in the floor!!! He quickly turned around and, using both fists, slammed Deadpool into the floor!!! He did this for about a few minutes, before seeing Deadpool as a red splatter on the floor!!! He took deep breaths, satisfied in his victory. He turned around, a bit weak, but still having enough strength to take over the castle. "SLAP THAT A** MOTHA F***A!!!" Tirek stopped as he felt a slap on his plot area, followed by a piercing. He fell to the floor, as a loud 'BANG!!!' was heard, followed by piercing pain in the bottom of his black legs!!! He dragged himself with his two front legs, looking around to see if Deadpool was still around. He saw Deadpool walking in front of him, whistling out a tune. For the first time, next to going back to Tartarus, was complete fear!!! "How!?!?!? HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE!?!?!?" "It's elementary, my dear stupid mother f***er: Quick healing Factor. I win, no matter what." "WHAT... ARE YOU!?!?!?" "A Mutate where I'm from, a god in the internet, and now, your unaliver." He pulled out his swords. "NO!!! NOT THE SWORDS!!!" Deadpool jumped at Tirek's face and sliced!!! Silence came between the two. Tirek's head slowly looked down, then came off!!! A large beam of light came from the neck of the decapitated body of Tirek, as all the ponies' that had their magic removed, regained their cutie marks!!! Deadpool picked up the head of Tirek. "Told you. If you watched the episode of Death Battle, starring me, then you'd make the right decision to give up and wouldn't be in my hands! Selfie!!!" He pulled out his phone and held the head next to his. "Say 'DECAPITATION!!!'...Decapitation!!!" He took the picture. The ponies around slowly approached to him, having a mix feeling of both fear and thankfulness. I believe they're now frightened of us. We can rule them as Gods... Angry Gods!!! Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next?
Must... not... mention... BANANAS!!! Pony # 13: Princess Celestia"WHO DID THEIR HEINOUS ACT!?!?!?" a female voice with authority in it's tone yelled OH S**T!!! HIDE!!! Deadpool looked everywhere, finding a place to hide in. He saw only a bush and jumped into it! He looked outside the leaves and saw a bunch of ponies in golden armor, walking towards the corpse of Tirek. One of the ponies stood out, as she stood much taller than every other pony, was whiter than snow, mane was moving on it's own with green, blue, & pink stripes, and had both a long horn of a unicorn & the wings of a pegasus. He heard galloping from other ponies, but then skidding as they stopped. Deadpool knew that this was the Mane 6 and Fluffle Puff. "OH SWEET CELESTIA!!!" Twilight yelled "WHAT DID DEADPOOL DO!?!?!?" "It's so... BARBARIC!!!" Rarity commented "Pftpffftpftpfffftpftpffftpftpfft." Fluffle Puff spoke "You said it Fluffle," Pinkie said "I also didn't think Deadpool could beat him, let alone, UNALIVE HIM!!!" "Unalive?" Rainbow Dash asked "What the hay?" Applejack asked "I think you mean... UGH... I don't even want to say it." "Where is this 'Deadpool' you spoke of, Twilight?" The tall pony asked "Please Princess," Twilight responded "We... have no idea where he went. He's... hard to catch sometimes." I think we need to find our way out of here. "Got it." Deadpool whispered to himself. "Let's take this bush with us, though." Deadpool reached for the roots of the bush and yanked the whole plant out!!! He stopped as everyone turned around, hearing something being ripped from the ground. They went back to their usual conversations, talking about how this was something they never saw Deadpool doing. Deadpool began to walk around the crowd slowly, trying not to look like a bush was walking around among them. ---2 Hours Later--- Deadpool was now a couple of yards from his battle area and saw no one was around him. "FINALLY!!!" He yelled, taking off the bush "Now to find a way out of here!!!" "I don't think so." a familiar voice said. Deadpool stopped and froze in fear. He turned around and looked up, seeing the tall, white pegasus-unicorn mix. She looked down at him with a face of great anger!!! Many marching was heard behind her, as hundreds of other ponies in matching golden armor surrounded them, pointing their spears at him!!! Deadpool looked everywhere, finding a way to see if he could get out of here!!! "CELESTIA!!!" Twilight's voice yelled from behind the guards. "Hold on! Let him explain his actions!!!" "Please!!!" Futtershy begged "He's our friend!!!" "Friend?" Celestia asked "You call this murderer a friend!?" "Same way as how Discord is their friend." Deadpool simply commented. Celestia's eyes opened wide, her pupils shrunk, and one of her eyes twitched. "Was it something I said?" "Shall we, princess?" A lone guard asked "Eh, go ahead, I'll just laugh." "We only take orders from the Princess!!!" another guard yelled. Deadpool stared at that guard. He took his hand out and swiped his spear away! All the guards pointed their spears at Deadpool, slowly walking to Deadpool. "Hey! Watch this!!!" Deadpool took the point of the spear and stabbed himself in the eye!!! "AHH!!! MY EYE!!! MY EYE!!!" All the guards backed off, all with disgusted and shocked faces. Deadpool took the spear out, laughing manically, as his eyeball sticked onto the spear!!! He grabbed the eyeball and placed it back into it's socket! In a matter of seconds, not only did the bleeding stop, but his eye was filly healed and he was back to normal. Some of the guards dropped their spears, puffed up their cheeks, and ran away, most likely going to hurl, while the rest backed off with complete shocked expressions. "TA DA!!!" "That was... horrifying." Rarity commented "You remind me a lot about two specific characters." Celestia commented "Pinkie Pie and Discord?" Deadpool asked, teleporting next to Princess Celestia. The guards walked forward, holding their spears next to him. "Stand down, guards." The guards listened, lowering their spears and stood in an upright position. "Deadpool, is it alright if you explain yourself and why you did that... heinous act?" "Explaining myself would take a long time. My action, however, I'm going to need help with that." He teleported away and reappeared in front of Celestia, holding Twilight in his arms as if she were a baby. "The reason I did it was as easy as one thing: Avenging Twilight's lost!!!" "My... lost?" Twilight asked "I saw your battle with Tirek: I originally hated that d****ebag named 'Flash Sentry' (You know I love you), but he never destroyed your home! Your home... the books... everything... DESTROYED!!! I knew that, one day, when I was somehow summoned here, the first person I wanted to kill was him: Lord Tirek!!!" "...I'm not sure whether to be flattered or creeped out." "Don't worry, I haven't done in this in about... a week ago." "A week ago!?!?!?" She was immediately dropped from Deadpool, as some music came right behind him and he began to dance a weird dance. "♫About a week ago!!! F**k with us and we tweaking h*e!!! Run up on that n***a and we squeezing h*e!!!♫" Celestia watched this and actually giggled "You ARE a lot like Discord and Pinkie." She said, trying to hold back her giggles. "Oh... stop it! Care to take a selfie?" "Is that dangerous?" "It actually isn't," Twilight responded "We've all done it." "Oh..in that case, Let's do it!!!" Deadpool teleported next to Celestia, having one of his hands around the princess and the other holding the cell phone. "SAY... CAKE!!!" Deadpool yelled "Cake!!!" The pic was taken. "That was... simple. I will pardon your act, but in return, you must not do kill anything with the exception of... some other...characters." "Oh... you're no fun." "Rules are rules." "Yeah yeah... Princess?" "Yes, Deadpool?" "One Question: How come Luna didn't tell you about me?" Celestia's smile went away and one of her eyes twitched "LUNA!!!" Author's Note No Sunbutt joke? Stange! Isn't it!!! Who should Deadpool meet next?
Bella Notte. Pony # 14 and 15: Princess Cadence and Shining Armor."But what are we gonna do to get outta here?" Applejack asked "Hold on," Princess Celestia said "I feel a familiar magic not too far from here." "I feel it as well." Princess Luna added "So can I!" Twilight said as well "I feel magic everywhere." Deadpool added. The princesses all stared at the human. "Of course, that's back home. I have no idea what the f**k you're all talking about." "Well then," Celestia said "Everypony, hold on to each other, I know where we're going." "You and Twilight's friends will do that." Luna said "I will return to the castle to make sure nothing is ruined." "You think you can handle that?" Rarity asked "Yes. I need to make sure all the citizens are safe. Plus, if I hear Deadpool's remark on calling me 'Mooncheeks' one more time, I will lose it." Deadpool teleported next to Luna. "Mooncheeks." He whispered. Luna growled at him before her horn glowed. She teleported away in a flash of blue light. "Alright then," Celestia said "Everyone, together now." Celestia's horn began to The mane 6 got into a single row, but Deadpool teleported onto their backs in a relaxed position. In a yellow flash, they found themselves out of the forest and into a city block. Everything around them was made out of crystals, including a group of small foals that ran by them. OH!!! The Crystal Empire!!! What do you think she meant by 'powerful magic'? ...Tijuana WHAT THE-? WHERE DID YOU GET THAT FROM? "Princess Celestia!!!" A recognizable voice yelled with plenty of glee. "Twilight!!!" "Cadence!!!" Twilight yelled. She ran away, causing Deadpool's legs to droop. The rest of her friends got the same idea and shook Deadpool off, making him land on the floor. Deadpool looked and saw Twilight running up towards a pink alicorn with long, swirled up mane that had stripes of yellow, a darker shade of pink, and purple in it. She wore a crown, medal, and boots made of gold. The two mares approached to each other and did their stupid dance. "♫ Sunshine, Sunshine, Ladybugs awake!!! Clap your hooves and-♫" "♫ DO THE HARLEM SHAKE!!!♫" Deadpool interrupted, pulling out a boombox out of nowhere and pressing the play button. Some music began and he fell to the floor, doing some weird dance that made him look like he was having a seizure. Pinkie joined with him, doing the erratic dance moves with him. Fluttershy walked to the boombox and, with her muzzle, pressed the 'stop' button. The two stopped and looked up. "I think we should save that for another time." Fluttershy said. "...Fine." Deadpool said. He teleported back to his feet. "Twilight?" Cadence asked "Who is this and what is he?" "Oh yeah," Twilight said "Cadence, meet Deadpool." "Deadpool? You mean as in THE Deadpool that was able to single hoofingly KILL Lord Tirek!?!?!?" "That's me!!!" Deadpool replied, taking pride from it. Cadnece stared at him and shivered with fear: if Deadpool could kill Tirek so easily, how would he be like while dealing with her? "Do not worry," Celestia said, reassuring the other princess "He means us no harm. He states that he did that to Tirek because he was avenging Twilight's destroyed home. A bit admirable, might I say." "Really?" Cadence asked "Well then." She walked up to Deadpool, a bit shaken on what he did, but still confident enough to know he wouldn't hurt her. "Greetings Deadpool, my name is-" "Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, or Cadence, as you prefer." Deadpool interrupted. She stopped and one her eyes began to twitch. "I've heard about how you and your husband, not only saved Canterlot from Queen Chrysaliss & her Changelings, but how you both saved Spike from doom with the crystal heart and saved the Crystal Empire from King Sombra." "How... did you-?" "He does that a lot." Fluttershy said "But of course," Deadpool continued "you used to be Twilight's foal sitter, and your future husband was part of a rock band before he joined the military.It's quite strange, might I say." "Really?" Cadence asked "What about you? What's your backstory?" "With me? Well... it's... uh-" "He doesn't really like talking about it." Rarity said "And believe me, he told us everything!" "I never thought I'd cried that hard." Rainbow Dash said, drooping her head while holding back a tear. "I never thought she cried at all!" Pinkie exclaimed, holding Dashie into her front legs. Cadence looked back at Deadpool "Well," she continued "I welcome you, fare Deadpool, to the Crystal Empire. Hopefully, my husband is done coaching the Crystal Empire team so we can-" "On it." Deadpool interrupted. He teleported away, leaving a red mist that went away shortly. "Wait: He can TELEPORT!?!?!?" "He sure can." Twilight said "I thought only unicorns and Alicorns can do that!?!?!?" "I also thought of that." Deadpool teleported to a stage, circling around a field where a bunch of crystal ponies were training hard. A white unicorn with a blue & light blue stripped, more natural horse mane, blew into his whistle. "C'mon Guys!!!" The unicorn yelled in a commanding voice "The summer Equestrian games may be in the next four years, but we can still get ready for the winter Equestrian two years from now!!!" Deadpool teleported next to the unicorn in a workout suit "That's right!" Deadpool said in a feminine voice "We're going to prove to the other nation that we are superior in a number of games while be FABULOUS!!!" The unicorn jumped! He used his magic and lifted a spear to Deadpool's face "Who are you!?!?!? What are you doing here?" "Name's Deadpool!" The mere mention of his name caused everypony to stop what they were doing and stared at him. The unicorn gave a signal for all of them to leave, hoping they wouldn't get hurt at all. "Don't worry, I bring you... this!!!" Deadpool pulled out a regular corn dog. OHH!!! Like Friendship is Witchcraft!!!! I doubt they actually do enjoy eating Corn dogs. And where did we get that? The unicorn looked carefully at the Corndog, not sure what it was. "What is it?" He asked "Are you trying to kill me like Tirek?" "WHAT!?!?!? NO!!! It's a Corndog!" Deadpool responded "What do you-" "You eat it!!!" "...Eat it?" Deadpool lifted the corn dog to the unicorn's face. He took some quick sniffs at it. Nothing seemed out of place, it smelt really good and he hadn't eaten anything today. He levitated the corn dog out of Deadpool's hand and inspected more. His stomach growled, and he began to drool at the sight & smell of it, not even sure what it would taste like. He took a bite out of the top and began to chew. His eyes widened. "Sweet Celestia. This... has to be... the most... EPIC THING EVER!!!" he began to scarf down the deep fried delight, laughing almost like a maniac! "I'm sorry for not introducing myself, my name is-" "Prince Shining Armor!" Deadpool interrupted "I already spoke with your wife, Cadence, and I must say, this is quite the-" "DEADPOOL!!!" The various voices of his group yelled. Twilight & her friends ran to Deadpool, Cadence ran to her husband, and Celestia just stood there, having a smirk across her face. "Shining," Cadence spoke "did he do anything to you?" "No dear," Shining armor replied "All he did was gave me a delicious treat called a 'Corndog'! You've got to try it!!!" "SHINING!!! He might've poisoned you!!!" "After how you both saved the crystal Empire AFTER shining threw you like a javelin!?!?!?" Deadpool asked "Yeah, sure I want to poison him after a stunt like THAT!" "...how does he know this?" Shining armor asked his wife "I have no idea." she replied "Besides," Deadpool continued "You're Twilight's B.B.B.F.F., there's no way I want to kill someone that's genetically related to the biggest bookworm around." "Thank you!" Twilight said. She stopped and realized what he said "HEY!!!" "I think you two need... a break of some sort." "A break?" the couple asked "Yeah. Don't you have an anniversary on the day you two were married?" "...We never thought of that." Cadence said "And it's already a few weeks after our wedding day," Shining Armor said "you really think we should have one?" "But what will we do?" "Leave that to me." Deadpool said, putting on a chef's hat. 7:00 P.M. The inside of the Crystal Empire's castle was decorated to look like a fancy restaurant. Shining Armor was in the same outfit he wore during the wedding, while Cadence was in the same dress she wore for Twilight's coronation, though her mane was kept the same. Deadpool had on the same suit he wore when introducing himself to Ponyville, but added a top hat, monocle, and a gentleman's mustache over his mask. He handed the couple their own menu "What will you two be having today?" Deadpool asked in a gentleman's tone. they opened their menus, but were quite thrown off, as the menus fell apart easily... and all the pictures with choices were written in crayon, filled with many grammar and spelling errors. "...This isn't a good sign." Cadence said "Uh... can you make it a surprise for the two of us?" Shining asked "Ooh!" Deadpol responded "Gotcha!" He teleported away. The two awkwardly stared at each other, with silence all around them. "So," Shining broke the silence "How's our anniversary?" "It... doesn't have a good start to it," Cadence replied "But I think it might get better." "Oh, good. What do you think of our waiter?" "Deadpool?" "Yeah." "He's... I'm not gonna lie, he frightens me a bit." "Really?" "After hearing what he did to Tirek, I'm actually more afraid of HIM more than when he was around, stealing magic from everypony!" "...I see... but he's not done anything bad, now has he?" "Not from what I've heard. He's a lot like Pinkie Pie, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing." "Why do you say that?" "Well... have you been around Pinkie?" "I have been." "He's as random as her, maybe even more, and considering he has, what they say, instant healing, he's nearly invincible!" "Nearly?" "There may be something that can be used to beat him. Maybe the elements of Harmony." "Now Dear, let's not jump to conclusions. He seems to be a pretty good guy. Not the best, but a decent person, at least, and he made this for us, for the two of us on his own. How special is that? He obviously respects us!" "Yeah, after how you threw me to save Spike." "Alright, alright, that wasn't the brightest thing I did, but it worked, right?" "...I guess it did." "Where is he anyways?" At theta moment, Deadpool teleported in front of their table, holding two plates of spaghetti. He placed the plates in front of them. "Your horderves." Deadpool said with a bow. He teleported away. Cadence investigated the spaghetti, not even sure if what he did was 'good' or he really planed to kill the two. Deadpool returned to them, with Discord, who had an accordion and was also in a suit, and Deadpool had a ukulele. The chaotic duo began to play some music, making the area more romantic feeling. The two stared at each other: Cadence dropped her worries about being poisoned and Shining felt young again, back when the two first meet. The couple began to eat their meal and... well... watch the scene from 'Lady and the Tramp' and you'll see why. "Lazy narrator." Discord said. Ahem? "Oh, right. Deadpool?" Deadpool shook his head and cleared his throat. "♫Oh this is the night,♫" the two sang in surprisingly good Italian accents "♫it's a beautiful night, and we call it bella notte. Look at the skies, they have stars in their eyes on this lovely bella notte. Side by side with your loved one, you'll find enchantment here. The night will weave its magic spell, When the one you love is near! Oh this is the night, and the heavens are right! On this lovely bella notte!♫" "That was... beautiful." Cadence said with a tear "I'm... sorry for doubting you, Deadpool. Is there anything I can do to repay this?" "There actually is." Deadpool said, pulling out his cell phone "I would like you and your husband to take a selfie with me." "A selfie?" Shining asked "what's that?" "Simple picture taking!" Discord replied "I had one with Deadpool a few days ago, remember?" "I sure do." Deadpool replied, remembering the duo singing Abba's "Dancing Queen". He held the phone in the air, having the frame have the couple inside "Say ♫Bella Notte♫!!!" "♫Bella Notte♫!!!" the couple responded. The pic was taken. "Ah... this will go in the memories for sure." "Tell me," Shining said "How did you sing like that?" "I control chaos." Discord answered plainly "no question here." "Years of practice, my friend." Deadpool responded "Practice, and one day, you'll be just as good as me." Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next?
Surprisingly, not really racist. Pony #16: King SombraAfter Deadpool and Discord's wonderful meal the two made together, Cadence was able to give Deadpool a room to stay for the night along with Twilight & her friends in their own room. Princess Celestia told everyone that she was going back to Canterlot, hopefully, to see if Luna needed her help and to do her responsible job of raising the sun. His room wasn't special: a simple wireframe bed, a shelf with a single lantern on it, some quills, pens, papers next to it, and a window showing the moon. He laid down on his bed and began to sleep, wondering who else he would take a Selfie with: Maud Pie, Coco pommel, Sonata, Weird Al pony, Sea- "WE GET IT!!! MOVE ON!!!" Oh... Excuse me for telling people your WAIFUS!!! "SHUT UP AND LET ME SLEEP FOR ONCE!!!" Fine... baby. Deadpool finally went to sleep, hopefully, he and Luna will get some quality time together. "You mean Mooncheeks?" Shut up, I'm telling this story. Though Deadpool went to sleep, a creaking noise was heard, and it woke him up! His room had been... altered a bit... and his vision was now a bit blurry. He got up and, taking the candle, investigated the creaking. With the open of the door, he saw that the rooms were slowly drifting apart, and the hallway was nearly pitch black. "This way..." a faint whisper said to his left side. Curious, Deadpool followed the whisper, seeing the doors to the room now disappeared, and were replaced with picture frames, holding violent images of his past. His life as a child, life of a mercenary, the Weapon X program, surviving the 'Deadpool' wages, escape from Weapon X, various shenanigans with heroes & villains, Ryan Reynolds, his 7/10 video game, and the events he did in Equestria. All were there as he walked down with a dying candle. "Quick Question." Um... sure. "Is this a parody to Batman: Arkham Asylum, where everyone's throat's are shoved with the tragic past cliche, or is this a parody to Amnesia?" ...A bit of both. Can we get to the story? "Oh, right. To the people at home: I had to get an app that allowed me to break the 4th wall before I went to sleep. YOU CAN ENJOY ME MORE NOW!!!" "These are images to the past," The same voice whispered to Deadpool "You've caused so much pain & agony, you don't deserve to live, but you can be of use to me." "How so?" Deadpool asked, seeing the pictures disappear into darkness "Easy: you must go and- HEY!!! STOP THAT!!! DON'T PRESS THAT!!!" A door with a taco on it appeared in a puff of smoke filled with confetti. Deadpool opened it and saw his two sides along with a grey unicorn that wore something of royalty, but had a red horn with green eyes & red pupils and his black mane was moving in a way similar to fire. The entire room they were in looked like Chipotle, minus the windows. "HA!!! KING SOMBRA!!! REALY!?!?!?" I know!!! HE FINALLY HAS A PERSONALITY!!! Oh come now, he's alway had a personality. "Really?" Sombra asked Yes. You just stand, laugh menacingly and become a fart cloud HA!!! YOU SAID 'CLOUD'!!! "Ugh!" Sombra groaned "Why me?" "Alright Sombra," Deadpool said, leaning on the wall, trying not to laugh "What's your offer?" "I was going to give you a chance to use dark powers, but considering how I just found out YOU killed Tirek on your won, Never mind!!!" "You wanted me to kill Tirek with Dark powers?" "...Yes. Is there a problem?" "Many: I'm too awesome for that, you're not threatening enough, Gak will get more screen time, Spikey Wikey will destroy you, there's no chimichangas involved, Discord is my best friend, Mane 6, Celestia & Luna, no weapons involved. Need I say more?" "...No." His head fell onto the counter with a loud 'Thump!' "Ugh... These dark powers are useless, now that I see it." The two sides of Deadpool walked next to the depressed, evil king that had little to no character development. Really? Can you give us a chance to tell us who you are? Maybe you won't be so lame AFTER you tell us who you are. "There's not much to say. I was a young stallion, wanted power, found a book that had spells of it, fought & lost my shadow, became corrupt, ruled empire for a good... 12 days, and was banished under the ice for 1000 years." "That's it?" Deadpool asked "Alright, it was technically 984 years and 2 months, but 1000 sounds more dramatic. And yeah, I had the dumbest way of trying to Retake my empire... kinda wish I was more focused on the plan rather than how I'm trying to terrify the crowd. Most embarrassing way to be defeated, you know?" Yep. We were beaten by a chicken in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. While fending off a whole angry big top circus for killing THE RING LEADER!!! "How are you so popular? Why do ponies love and fear you?" "Easy as this:" Deadpool gave the instructions of being popular "Overact! LOOK!!! Random Music." the classic 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes' played out of nowhere "and be relatable!" "...just like that?" "Just like that!" "Huh... never thought of that." "A lot of villains are like that. Taco?" "How come ponies everywhere assume that I enjoy Mexican food!?!?!? I HATE IT!!! I enjoy burgers!!!" "Oh... aren't you of mexican heritage?" "NO!!! I just chose Sombra from a dictionary because it sounded cool!" "Oh. That make's sense. But listen, why not join us?" "...Join you?" "Yeah! I'm not in the mood for killing anything tonight, you seem... alright, and I think the princesses would enjoy another reformed villain. Talk to Discord, he'll help you out." "Really? Why... thank you! I have no idea how to repay you!" "2 ways: 1) A selfie." "Oh! I've seen you done that! Of course!!!" Can we get involved? You just dropped us in thin air. "F**K OFF!!!" Deadpool yelled. "Say Caballeros!!!" "Caballeros?" Sombra asked with a confused smile. The pic was taken. "Now my second." "And what's that?" "Boys?" Yes? Yeah? "Hit it!" Deadpool pulled Sombra in between the three Pools. He snapped his fingers and all of them had sombreros and ponchos. "Really?" Sombra asked Just go with it. It's really fun!!! "Let's do this!!!" Deadpool yelled. Music began to play, and Sombra seemed to join them in their dance easily, though whatever happened, he seemed to have a lot of bad luck. The other Deadpool's joined him every now & then, but this is mostly him singing. "♫We're four caballeros, four gay caballeros! They say we are birds of a feather!!! We're happy amigos No matter where he goes, The one, two, three 'n' four goes, We're always together!!! We're four happy chappies, With snappy serapes, You'll find us beneath our sombreros!!! We're brave and we'll stay so, We're bright as a peso!♫" "Who says so?" Sombra asked "♫We say so! The four caballeros! ohhhh! We have the stars to guide us, Guitars here beside us, To play as we go!!! We sing and we samba We shout 'ay, caramba!♫" "What means ay, caramba?" "Oh yes, I don't know. ♫Through fair and stormy weather, We stand close together, Like books on a shelf!!!♫" Luna entered their dream, but stood in complete confusion. The 4 turned around and panted like dogs. "♫As pals though we may be, When some Latin baby Says yes, no, or maybe... it's Each man is for himself!♫" They all began to tackle each other! Luna, without any hesitation, teleported away! The 4 saw her disappear and quickly went back to their thing. "♫Ohhhh! Jalisco no the rajes!!!! Me sale del alma!!!! Gritar con color!!! Abrir todo le pecho Pa echar este grit Qué lindo es Jalisco Palabra de honooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooor!!!♫" Their song ended. "Wow." Sombra commented "That was beautiful and, might I say, fun!!!" We're like this EVERYWHERE we go!!! "Really? What was that final verse?" It's Spanish. It translates to "Jalisco do not back !!!! I get the soul !!!! Shouting with color !!! Pa chest will open all take this grit How cute is Jalisco word of honor !!!" "...What does that mean?" "I have no clue!" Deadpool responded. "Anyways, it was nice meeting you lil' Sombrero, hopefully, you'll be a side character in Season 5 or 6." "Uh... thanks? A quick thing I wanted to say before you wake up." "Yeah?" "I... well... I took your body away and buried it somewhere" "WHAT!?!?!?" "And you may not want to move so fast when you wake up." "YOU SON OF A B-" The dream ended like that. Author's Note NEW YEAR!!! NEW CHAPTER!!! I'm not so huge with Sombra, so this may be the most boring chapter. (way to go for 2015) Who should Deadpool meet next?
Goat + Shark +Pony= Pony(???) #17: TydalEarlier In the protection of the night, a changeling and a mysterious hooded figure stood near the castle's wall. They were approximately near the window to Deadpool's room in the castle. "So," the Changeling said "you really think you can kill something that can't be killed?" "Of course I can." The figure replied "Rapid healing will just be a challenge. Everything has a weakness and I will find my target's weakness." At that moment, they heard some loud snoring and looked up: surrounded by a black aura, Deadpool was being lifted away as he snored loudly. "Well... that's Deadpool." "Really? That red thing is the creature you all fear!?!?!?" "Just... get rid of him and you'll be free, okay?" "... anything just to meet my sisters again." He ran away following Deadpool, who seemed to floated away faster. Present: "-ITCH!!!" Deadpool yelled as he got up, but hit something wooden. He felt the pain on his head and looked around. "F**K!!! That hurt." Where are we in? By the looks of it, I believe we're in a coffin. "Man, this is some bulls**t!" We gotta Get out of here!!! QUICK!!! BEFORE WE DIE!!! How many times do I have to remind you two? WE CAN'T DIE!!! "I already know one way, and it's Quentin Tarantino approved!!!" Oh!!! You'll bring in Samuel L. Jackson to help us out and be a bada**!?!?!? That isn't it. Deadpool, with his right hand began to punch the wood in front of him, not even sure if he's punching the same spot, nor caring about the pain on his fists. He heard the wood crack with each punch. Soon, he'll be free to eat his lovely taquitos!!! Above: The hooded figure ran to an open field. He was tiring all night, especially when chasing after the red figure named 'Deadpool' that's being lifted away be dark magic. He stopped and took a small breather. "Dammit!" He yelled to himself "I've failed you sister, truly, I have." He looked forward and saw the ground below breaking. He stood there, a bit curious on what was happening: being locked away by Chrysaliss for many years has made him forgot how most things work in the land of Equestria. A red hand pierced the ground, grabbed the food and began to pull itself out! A head appeared, followed by the rest of it's body! He looked closely and saw that it was Deadpool, his target!!! "Brains!!!" Deadpool yelled as he emerged "BRAINS!!!" Is he... a zombie? The figure thought. Deadpool wiped the dirt off his spandex and looked around his new area. He turned and saw a pony in a hood. "Hello there!!!" Deadpool yelled "Listen, I may be famous for killing the centaur Tirek, but I'm not gonna hurt you, I just need directions to Canterlot or the Crystal Empire or... anywhere really." "Wait! You killed Lord Tirek?" "...Uh... Yeah! You didn't hear?" "Hmm... you're even much more of a challenge than I thought. Surrender now and I'll make your death swift & painless!" "What!?!?!? WHO THE F**K DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!?!?!?" The figure took off his hood! It was a grey stallion with what appeared to be goat horns, a green mane & goatee, black goat like hooves, but his flank side was all green and looked as if it were a dorsal fin with tail of shark. He also had a bag next to him, probably holding valuable inside. "The name's Lord Tydal: Lord of the Capricorns, God of the Sea, God of War, Equestria's All Time Cursing Champion, and Celestia & Luna's older brother!!!" Deadpool stared at the figure. He began to chuckle then fell to the floor, laughing out loud!!! "WHAT'S SO FUNNY!?!?!?" "I'm Sorry!!!" Deadpool had a hard time trying to be serious, but kept laughing. "Did you're father F**k a goat while using shark as protection? OH LORD THIS IS FUNNY!!! And you're the older brother of Celestia & Luna? ... BUAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh God!!! This is... This is too Hysterical!!! I take it you're Sony's biggest fan of the God of War Series? God of War!?!?!? HAHAHAHA!!! Oh man!!! This is just priceless!!!" Tydal gave him a stern look as he smiled. He looked through his bag and pulled out one of Deadpool's Shotguns. "Hey!!! Is that my Shotgun!?!?!?" Tydal fired at Deadpool with some magic. The figure rolled and slammed into a tree. "Annoying b*****d." He turned around and released a sigh of relief. Finally, after a long time, he was free! Free to go home to his sisters! Free to take back and rule his empire! Free to- "Can we get past that monologue, MrAquino?" Tydal froze in place and turned around. Deadpool was sitting right on his back, holding all his guns in a ball. "I miss you guys so much! Did he hurt you? I hope not." "GET OFF!!!" Tydal used his magic and threw Deadpool into the ground!!! The merc got up and went into a fighting pose. "So... if it's a fight you want, it's a fight you'll get!!!" "HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE!?!?!?" "Super Rapid healing, bro! What do you think would happen?" "There's... no magic that will kill you?" "F**k no!!! As long as the internet loves me, I'll live forever!!!" "In that case then... I'll drag you to Tartarus myself!!!" "Ooh!!! Hopefully, Cerberus doesn't like the smell of fried fish." "ENOUGH!!!" Tydal used his magic and pulled out one of Deadpool's Katanas. "Ooh! One moment!" He teleported next to Tydal, took out one of his Katanas, and teleported back to where he was. "There we go! Now this should be interesting. FIGHT!!!" THAT'S MY LINE!!! Nevermind, keep it. Deadpool and Tydal charged at each other and swung their katanas at each other! Their swords clashed and they swung again, another clash! They began to release a fury of swings, causing a lot of sparks in their swords and clangs! A loud 'Snap!!!' came and the two looked at their swords: both of their force was so strong, their katanas' blade came right off, leaving only the handle. "Wow," Deadpool commented, holding his handle of a sword "you're paying for that, you know, right?" Tydal tackled Deadpool onto the ground, using one of his hooves to hold Deadpool's suit's neck up and used the other to release of punches to the face!!! "YOU," He said with each punch "WILL...DIE...AND...YOU...WILL...NOT...HURT...MY...SISTERS!!!" A final punch was made, leaving a large, fully disfigured (or more than ever) Deadpool. Tydal got up and began to pant a bit. "Dude," Deadpool said. Tydal froze again and began to steam through his head!!! He got up and was about to charge at Deadpool "I bet that you haven't heard, but I'm friends with your sister." Before he jumped, he stopped and skidded onto the floor, just stopping a couple of inches near Deadpool's feet. "Come again?" "I'm friends with your sisters!" "PROOF!!!" "Hold on." He pulled out his cellphone. "Look, here's my pic with Luna." He showed the awkward selfie with his sleeping self and Luna, trying to get away from Deadpool's grip. Tydal stared at the picture. Tears began to fall from his face. "Sister..." Deadpool looked back at his phone and looked for the other "And this is one with Celestia." Again, Tydal stared and saw her sister smiling with what was the threat. "Are they... alright?" "Of course they are! I helped them escaped from the changeling when we were captured." "WHAT!?!?!? That music was you!!!" "Yep! They're alive!!! Luna's in Canterlot for now and I believe Celestia may have returned with her, or is in the Crystal Empire. "Those... Those LIARS!!!" "Liars?" "THE CHANGELINGS PROMISED ME THAT IF I KILLED YOU, THEY WOULDN'T HURT CELESTIA AND LUNA!!! THEY USED ME AS THEIR PAWN!!!" "Pawn in what?" "Enough!!!" A voice yelled, followed by some hissing. A couple hundred changelings appeared out of sky, surrounding the two. "Tydal! Eliminate him now and you'll live!!!" Tydal looked at Deadpool's back. Right behind Deadpool, in his hands, he held two uzis. "...I wish I could," Tydal replied with a smirk across his face "But I'd rather got out with a bang." "...Kill them." All the changelings began to close in on the two. Deadpool pulled out his two uzis. "Bang." Deadpool simply said. He pulled the triggers and released a barrage of bullets at the changelings, killing many around him and Tydal easily. Tydal, with his magic, carried the two pistols Deadpool had in his sack and began firing at the changelings in front of him!!! The two were now back to back, firing and killing any changeling around them!!! Deadpool kept yelling 'BANG!!!' over and over, as if he were a child with a toy gun, while Tydal kept yelling with pleasure in his tone, finally getting a slice of revenge after what they've done to him for many years and how they tried using him in their scheme!!! "Retreat!!!" A changeling yelled "RETREAT!!!" Any changeling that was lucky to not get shot flew away, while those shot limped their way back into the forest!!! Deadpool and Tydal, surrounded by piles of dead changelings, bleeding green blood, stared at each other while taking in deep breaths. They both began to chuckle at what they did, then fell to the floor laughing uncontrollably!!! "That was the most fun I've had in years!!!" Tydal exclaimed. "I know!!!" Deadpool replied as he looked up to the sky, flipping the bird "F**K YOU CHRYSALISS AND GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY!!!" "Yeah!!! F**K YOU!!!" "We have got to remember this moment!!!" "...How?" "With this!" He pulled out his phone. "Oh!!! Forgot about that during our slaughter." "It's no problem. Smile!!!" The two smiled as their picture was taken. "Alright, if I'm not mistaking, you'll want to meet your sisters, right?" "YEAH!!!" "I can half grant that... most likely. We'll find our way back to the Crystal Empire, or Canterlot,and work our way there, capsice?" "Uh... capisce?" "Alrighty then, let's go." They both got up and walked into the forest, as Deadpool picked up the sack with his weapons inside and rode Tydal's back. Though Tydal was a bit annoyed, and a bit embarrassed he was a steed to something, he went along with his new friend, probably best friend for that manner. Author's Note DP: You really told people your computer had a virus and you wouldn't be able to make new chapters for a while? Me: I didn't know it'd be that short. I read some things about Tydal, so don't be angry that I gave him magic to lift things. Don't worry, I love Guardians of the Galaxy: it's such an awesome film!!! Who should Deadpool Meet next?
The classiest of duels. Pony #18: Octavia Melody The classiest of duels. Pony #18: Octavia Melody Tydal and Deadpool travelled through the forest for a couple of hours. Deadpool, while riding the weird O.C., cleaned their weapons while singing some random songs that were used in various movies that had a LOT of traveling. Tydal was able to keep patience with Deadpool's singing and 'Dane Cook' rating humor. They both climbed on top of a mountain and looked out to the distance: the castle of the royal sisters laid in the distance. "I'm Home!" Tydal said "Easy man," Deadpool said "I'm not sure long how you've been away, but I don't think they will-" "I'M COMING SISTERS!!!" Tydal ran to the castle with Deadpool holding onto his neck!!! Deadpool grabbed onto Tydal's mane and 'steered' the king, as the two were about to hit a wall!!! Tydal tripped after a hard yank from Deadpool, causing the two to roll down a steep hill and not slowing down! On the bottom of the hill, a unicorn guard was having a hard time with a certain gray pegasus, as there was a giant trampoline set up. "For the last time," the guard said with an annoyed tone "We DID NOT order a giant trampoline!!!" "You know, good sir," the pegasus responded, also with an annoyed tone in her voice "you could've told me that BEFORE I set it up!!!" "GANG WAY!!!" Deadpool yelled. The two turned and saw the weird duo rolling downhill!!! The guard immediately teleported away and the pegasus flew put of the way. Deadpool and Tydal missed the trampoline, but went up a curved hill that pointed to the inside of Canterlot's walls!!! They were in the air, and Deadpool saw that they were in the market area. "♫ I believe I can fly!!!" Deadpool sang "♫I believe I can touch the sky!!! I think about it every-♫- OH S**T!!!" Deadpool covered his eyes, as the two crashed into what was an outside concert going on for a fancy wedding. A loud 'CRASH' was heard, wood was broken, and some moaning from ponies were heard. Deadpool woke up to see nothing but darkness. Alright, don't panic, I have some ideas where we're at. I'm most likely going to assume we're underneath the rubble of, what I believe was a wooden stage. I don't know. Try squeezing it!!! Deadpool lifted his hand, a bit surprised to see it was free, and, in a squeeze, felt what was like two balls of fur... in between a tail. "OOH!!!" A woman's voice yelled "YOU PIG!!!" He saw the darkness lifted and, with his eyes adjusting to the brightness, saw the silhouette was a pony's plot. "Oh crap." Deadpool simply said as a both hind legs were lifted and was heading towards his face. Immediate pain was felt, then the figure turned around, lifted Deadpool by the loose clothing around his neck area, and was slapped silly for a good solid minute "I WILL NOT BE TREATED AS ANOTHER, LOW LIFE PEASANT!!! I HAVE WORKED HARD AND GAVE MYSELF SELF RESPECT AND I WILL NOT BE USED AS A SLAVE!!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU A- wait a minute!?!?!?" Deadpool slowly regained his vision. Though blurry, he could see that the mare that was beating the s**t out of him had a light grey coat, with a darker, long, very tamed grey mane and wore a white collar with a pink bow-tie, almost matching the same color as her eyes. "Octavia Melody?" Deadpool asked. The whole crowd around them gasped. "DEADPOOL!?!?!?" He was dropped immediately and could hear her hooves back away from him rapidly. Deadpool got up onto his feet, wiped off the dirt on his suit, and saw Octavia in a cowering position, trying to get into the crowd of ponies but being pushed out immediately. She turned and froze with fear. "PLEASE!!! Don't kill me!!! I'm sorry for what I've done!!! Use me in anyway you see fit, BUT PLEASE, DON'T KILL ME!!!" Hmm... I'm liking this. THE F**K MAN!?!?!? THAT'S JUST AWFUL!!! Deadpool slowly walked to the frightened pony, but saw her scampering her way away from him as the crowd kept a circle formation, watching the two. Deadpool teleported right next to Octavia. The crowd gasped even louder, with some mares in the crowd fainting. Octavia whimpered a bit as she fell to the floor and shivered in complete fear. Deadpool reached his hand out and Octavia shut her eyes tight, tearing a bit. Silence fell among the crowd, and octavia felt something rather relaxing scratching right behind one of her ears. She turned and jumped a bit, seeing Deadpool was scratching right behind one of her ears. "There, There," Deadpool stated "don't worry, I'm not here to kill you, nor do I plan to, nor did anyone hired me to, I just... crashed the party right after a certain SOMEPONY COULDN'T KEEP HIS COOL!!!" The crowd parted, seeing Tydal on the floor completely unconscious. Deadpool teleported next to Tydal and pointed at him as if he were a dog. "BAD O.C.!!! BAD!!! NO SHIP FICS FOR YOU!!!" He telported again, this time, Octavia was in his arms. "Plus, I've meet your rival and best friend already!!!" "Rival AND Best friend!?!?!?" Octavia asked, completely surprised "You mean-" "oh yes! I do!!!" "...How is she!?" "Pardon?" "How is she!?!?!?" "She's doing fine... when I meet her at least." Deadpool stopped and looked at the crowd, staring at them. "Hold on tight." Deadpool and Octavia teleported away!!! They teleported next to Tydal, as Octavia found herself on Deadpool's back and holding onto his neck, while Deadpool quickly grabbed Tydal. Another puff of smoke, and all three found themselves at Celestia's throne room! Deadpool released Tydal, grabbing Octavia into his arms, and teleported away. Tydal woke up, a bit curious on how he woke up in a familiar throne room. The doors opened and Celestia & Luna walked in. "I'm telling you!" Luna yelled "Deadpool betrayed us!!! He and Sombra will attack soon!!!" "Oh sister," Celestia replied "you're speaking nonsense! if our family were here, they'd- WHO ARE YOU!?!?!?" "WHAT IS THAT!?!?!?" "SISTERS!!!" Tydal yelled, running towards them, followed by a large group hug!!! His eyes filled with tears "It's been so long!!! I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!" "Sisters?" Luna asked "How are you here? How did the guards not see you!?!?!?" "And how do you claim to be our brother?" Celestia added "It's a long story," Tydal replied "but, if he's right, you both know him very well." The sisters looked at each other then back to their 'brother'. "Explain." they said together with a stern look A recognizable white unicorn with spiked up, striped blue & light blue mane & tail sat in a table, looking at a menu with her purple glasses resting on her horn. A waiter appeared next to her, brining in a glass of water. "Madam," the waiter greeted himself in a british accent "what would you like to order?" "Oh, you know," she replied very laid back "just the salad, light on the ranch sauce though, need to lose some extra pounds, y'know?" "Excellent choice, madam, would you like anything else?" At that moment, a puff of red smoke came, as Deadpool and Octavia appeared, both sitting on chairs. "Yeah," Deadpool added "this lady right here would like your most finest tea, and for me, get me some of your most delicious tacos." The waiter and unicorn stood there awkwardly, both with surprised looks on their faces, but the unicorn went back to her usual smug. "Don't worry," she said "they're with me." "Of course, madam." the waiter replied, still a bit shaken seeing Deadpool and octavia appear out of nowhere as he left. "'Sup Deadpool? Haven't seen you in a while! Heard what you did to Tirek." "Oh yeah!" Deadpool replied, putting his feet on the table "That A**hole deserved it after destroying Twilight's home and Ponyville's Library!" "Hold on," Octavia said, trying to get all the info "you two REALLY DID meet each other!?!?!?" "Oh Tavi," Vinyl simply remarked "We did not just MEET each other, but we BATTLED EACH OTHER!!!" Octavia gasped "Not that type of battle," Deadpool added "It was a DJ battle." "Oh thank goodness!!!" Octavia said, awkwardly chuckling at the idea of Vinyl beating up Deadpool with CDs. "It was nothing," Vinyl remarked "he is actually good with music. FYI, Deadpool, next time, don't jump into the crowd; We're DJ's, not rockstars." "Gotcha!" Deadpool replied, pulling out a note with pencil and wrote it down. "HEY!!! I just got an idea!!!" The human and earth pony stared at Vinyl, wondering what her idea was "Since I battle Deadpool in a DJ battle, Tavi: you should battle him in a Cello battle!!!" "Oh please!" Octavia said with some pride in her tone "Mr. Deadpool could NOT take me on in that! He only knows Techno, like you, and we both know how horrible YOU are with any instrument that requires strings. No offense." Deadpool's eyes lowered with impatience. Octavia awkwardly smiled with some chuckling. Deadpool teleported away and came back with a violin. "Please," Deadpool responded "I learned this bit from Double Fine's 'Stacking'." Deadpool did a small sample with the violin, which surprised Octavia on how clean, short, and poetic it sounded. She shook her head in disbelief. "Beginner's luck. Plus, that's a violin, not a Cello!!!" "Oh please," Vinyl commented "A cello is nothing but an oversized violin, right?" "NO!!! The violin is smaller than the cello, tuned differently, and produces notes that are over an octave above those played on the cello. Violins enjoy greater popularity than cellos and are used more often in ensemble settings. While the violin is held between the user's left hand and chin, the cello is placed on an endpin and played vertically as it is considerably larger. Both the violin and cello are heavily used in classical music and in various genres of modern music. A violin is a substantially smaller instrument than the cello. On average, the total length of a violin is around 23.5 inches or 60 cm. The sounding length, which is the distance from the nut to the bridge, is around 12.75 inches or 32 cm. Not only does this compact form help the instrument produce high-pitched sounds, it also makes the violin one of the most portable string instruments. This gives violinists the advantage of being able to fit into any space, which is a major distinction between the violin and cello!!!" Deadpool and Vinyl stared at Octavia with a confused look. "Killjoy." Deadpool commented "Plus, I'm not going to battle YOU, even it's a cello battle, it would be very uncouth." "What are you... Chicken?" Octavia's left eye twitched, then made an angry look. "Nopony... calls... me... CHICKEN!!!" "Oh boy." Vinyl said "You're in for it now... this could be interesting." Deadpool grabbed onto both Octavia's and Vinyl's mane and teleported away! The waiter arrived with the stuff they ordered, but saw that they were gone. "I need a better job." He commented to himself The three teleported into the middle of Canterlot's park, right on an outside stage. The crowd gasped at Deadpool appearing, but were curious on why he and famous local Octavia Melody were staring down at each other. Deadpool teleported away for a moment, then returned with 2 cellos with bows, two chairs, and some papers that had a composition written on it. "Do you really thank that your 'skills' as a DJ hold up to my brilliance as a Cello artist?" Octavia mocked "Oh we'll see," Deadpool commented "Michael Jackson will be aiding me in this battle." OOH!!! What song did we get!?!?!? Michael Jackson's "Smooth Criminal". We saw that video with the two guys battling each other with their cellos to recreate this song. But... wasn't it ruined by Glee? Oh Yes. It definitely was... F**K YOU GLEE!!! A whole crowd gathered around the three ponies. Vinyl left the two alone and stood in the crowd, getting a front row look at the two going to battle!!! Everything was silent with only a few whispers, some pegasi wings flapping, and a couple of chirps from the birds around them. The two stared at each other a bit, took a deep breath, looked over their notes & memorized it, and began to play! *One epic Cello battle later* The duo took a deep breath, still staring at each other, but smiled, seeing as how both performed really well and the music they made was, well, breath taking!!! The ponies around them cheered loudly, loving the music they made as the battled each other!!! Deadpool grabbed onto one of Octavia's front hooves, and the two took a bow to the crowd. Vinyl ran up to the two and gave them group hug!!! Some time later "That was amazing!!!" Vinyl commented "I'm not going to lie, I'm not a huge fan of all that 'classy music', but that music was so-so..." "Awesome?" Deapool and Octavia asked at the same time "YEAH!!! Awesome!!!" "I do have to say," Octavia spoke, turning to Deadpool "that composition was... different, but enjoyable! I'm... sorry I doubted you in knowing anything about music. It's very hard just to find another pony who has a passion for the classics, like me." "Oh, don't worry about it." Deadpool replied with a slight blush "You'll just have to do one thing for me." "And that is?" "A SELFIE!!!" "A... selfie?" "Don't worry, Octi," Vinyl said "it's just a simple picture with you two smiling to his camera." "Oh... simple. Alright then, let's take it!!!" "Say 'Mozart'!!!" Deadpool yelled as he slid next to the classic pony. "Mozart!!!" The pic was taken "Just one question, before you leave." "Yes?" "Who was that pony? ... Tydal, I believe." "Him? He claims to be a king and Celestia & Luna's older brother." "He's the royal sisters' Older brother!?!?!?" "Very unlikely, I just hope they turn him into fish sticks... or large died fish... or-" his stomach growled. "GET BACK HERE!!!" a familiar voice yelled in the crowd. Deadpool looked up and Saw Lyra making her way back to him "Uh... gotta go fast!!!" Deadpool ran away as fast as he could. Lyra ran past the two musicians, yelling random stuff. "That was... interesting." Vinyl commented "Very." Octavia added "Say, want to get a sandwich? I'll pay for it." "Fine by me." The two left, heading to a nearby sandwich shop. Author's Note Ah, Glee... ruining all sorts of music and making musicians roll in their graves. Luckily, these two guys made the cut before them AND they don't Suck!!! Who should Deadpool meet next?
Only Necromorph (Hopefully): Marksaline Only Necromorph (Hopefully): Marksaline Deadpool ran away from Lyra, who was slowly & steadily catching up to him!!! "Why are you chasing me!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled "I made myself public!!! Everypony knows who I am!!!" "YOU BELONG TO ME!!!" Lyra replied.He looked right behind him and saw Lyra nearly closet to his butt cheeks. He should be glad that he doesn't have a tail, but it would be more preferable to have a tail bit rather than having a pony bite one of his cheeks to get a hold of him. Lyra stopped immediately, skidding across the floor, then turned around and ran away, screaming!!! Deadpool stopped, skidding across the floor and stopped as well. "YEAH!!! That's how we do it!!! So long Lyra!!! Alright, MrAquino, who is Marksaline?" "That would be us." a demonic sounding woman with other voices in it replied. Deadpool froze a bit and turned around: a nearly, all red alicorn mare stood right behind him with a smile, filled with teeth that looked like white razors. Her mane & tail were loose & not tamed, her wings looked like they could stab someone, and her horn looked as if it were in a spiral way with two tips. "...oh... you." Right behind her, Fluffle puff appeared, gasping a bit and running up to everyone's favorite mercenary. "Well, you're a pleasant sight. How's it between Chrysaliss & you?" "Pfftpftpftpttpftpft" Fluffle Puff 'responded'. "Really? Is she still angry at me?" "pftpftppftttpftpftpppfttttpft" "Figures. And you do know that Marksaline is an O.C. pony inspired from the video game series 'Dead Space', right? Those games have been going from horror to mindless action... kinda like Resident Evil." "Pfftpftfptfptfffptttttfptfptffptptptfftpfppfttpfptptft." "The small one has been of great use to us." Marksaline added "We are glad, the one known as 'Tirek', was able to join us to quench our hunger. "...WHAT!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled. At that moment, a building crashed in the distance, showing a headless corpse of Tirek with tentacles coming out of the neck area, and it's arms being molded to more tentacles. Discord teleported right next to Deadpool, having a bucket of Popcorn in his hand and sipping a soda. "This should be interesting!" He commented. "DISCORD!!! I'm so glad you're here!!! Please, help me defeat the altered zombie Tirek!!!" "Hmm... I don't really know, what's in it for me?" "You can have a small slice of revenge!" Discord's eyes widened at what he said "You just won me over, again!!! Alright, this should help." He snapped his fingers and a piñata appeared, as it looked very similar Celestia. A giant corn Dog appeared in Deadpool's arm. Discord had on a suit of armor that looked as if it were made of various snacks and had a three boom boxes stacked on top of each other. "I will now perform my people's native dance!!!" Discord did a dance to the song to "Do the Hustle". Marksaline had a book and levitated it, reading what Discord was doing. "It says here," she read "that this part of 'the hustle' implores the gods to grant a favor, usually a transom." Discord stopped. "Is that all?" Deadpool asked "No," he responded. "This is!!!" He pressed a button and the boom boxes started to play Guiles theme!!! "AW YEAH!!! This goes with EVERYTHING!!!" "CHARGE!!!" The celestia Piñata began to hover and fly towards the Necromorph Tirek!!! Deadpool prepared his giant corn dog, Discord summoned a giant ketchup packet, squirting it on the corn dog!!! The two charged at the monster, preparing themselves, and, just moments in, THEY INTERMISHUN Hello everyone, sorry for interrupting the story, but I have news for all of you. Don't worry, I'm not quitting the ridiculousness of Deadpool in Equestria, but I'm going to let it sit for a while, as I work on two other stories. One of these, you may know already, is "Mares in Black", a parody and somewhat different story to the original "Men in Black". The other story, is actually something I've dreamt of doing since... yesterday. It's based off a famous Dreamworks movie, which will have a sequel in 2017. If any of you can figure that out, please, don't tell the others, but keep it to yourself. Both of these have a story, and, unlike the other times, this time, I mean it, as I will work on both. And now, back to the story. BACK TO STORY Deapool, the princesses, Discord, and Tydal stood around the corpse of Tirek... AGAIN!!! Marksaline walked next to the corpse, then stared at Deadpool. "You all have impressed us." She stated "If it pleases you, I will take what you call... a 'selfie'. "Oh no!!!" Luna yelled "Thouest will pay for thy crimes!!! Who does thou think they are, being able to-" *CLICK!!!* Luna looked and saw Deadpool had taken a selfie with Marksaline. Luna became furious, as a lightning storm came right behind her!!! Celestia reached her hoof over her sister's shoulder, giving her comfort. "Please," Celestia stated "I believe Deadpool may know what he's doing." "Do you now believe I'm your brother?" Tydal asked "... A little, but one story and helping us defeat Tirek again isn't enough." "Please, you must listen, sisters!!!" "Another time," Luna said. "We must get Deadpool and- Where'd he go?" Deadpool was now gone. "He'll come back," Discord said "He's unpredictable that way... and I love him for it!!!" Author's Note Who Should Deadpool meet next?
Better than the horrible reimagining. Pony # 26-28 Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle."Ya'll think it could work?" A small western voice asked "I'm not exactly sure," another voice responded "is your magic any good?" "I'm pretty sure I can do it." A small squeaky voice responded. Deadpool groaned a bit, slowly opening his eyes. "DO IT NOW!!!" A force was felt around the axe and, after a couple of seconds, it was yanked right out!!! Deadpool immediately got up and screamed loudly, followed by a him head hitting a wooden ceiling, causing him to kneel down and cover the back of his head. "Holy S**t," Deadpool yelled in pain "que m*****o duele!!!" "Are ya'll hurt?" Deadpool looked up and saw that he was in a small clubhouse with a map of Ponyville, but in front of him were three fillies: a yellow earth pony with a red mane & wearing a pink ribbon, an orange pegasus with a Rainbow Dash looking purple mane, and a white unicorn with a curly mane with two stripes of light pink & light purple. HOLY S**T!!! THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!!! They're so... cute... and young.[/color] I wanna pet their little manes, scratch behind their tiny ears, and kick that s**t out of those two brats!!! We both do. All three of us do. "Can he speak?" the pegasus asked. Deadpool shook his head and went from kneeling to sitting down with his legs crossed. "Yes." He spoke "I can speak and yes, I'm alright." "Great!!!" The earth pony spoke "Mah name's Applebloom, the pegasus is Scootaloo and the unicorn is Sweetie Belle." "Please to meet you." Scootaloo greeted herself "Hi." Sweetie shyly introduced herself. "We heard what ya'll have been doing around here lately, and we hoped we could get our Cutie Marks with your help!" "My help?" Deadpool responded "Yeah!" Scootaloo replied "All the things you've done have been AWESOME!!!" "Really?" "Though they were a bit violent and, might I add, Pinkie Pie-ish." Sweetie Belle squeaked "None taken. Look, I'm not reayy sure that I should-" "But you must!" Applebloom yelled. She ran towards the masked man, knocking him down to the floor, getting onto his chest and staring down into his eyes "Please! You can help us get our Cutie Marks!" "Think of how awesome we can be with your help!" Scootaloo added, going to Deapool's right side "We won't complain," Sweetie Belle added "We just need the basics!" "Please!!!" All three begged together. Their underlips went over their top lips, and their pupils widened with some whimpering heard. Deadpool sat there, staring at them. Can't... handle! Too... cute!!! Do it! Or else... Diabeetus!!! "...f**k." Deadpool simply said to himself "Alright, you win, I'll train you on how to use weapons like the ninja I am." "YAY!!!" The Blank Flanks cheered "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS NINJA TRAINING!!!" The three ran out of the clubhouse, gleefully cheering and talking amongst themselves on what their new Ninja cute marks will look like. Deadpool, though in a crouching position, left the clubhouse to see the three running around, acting like they were ninjas. He exited and stood tall. "TEN-HUT!!!" The three noticed Deadpool and got in a straight line. Deadpool walked down as if he were a general in the army, and drums started to play right behind them. "Are ya'll hearing drums?" Applebloom asked "You hear those as well?" Scootaloo replied "Glad I'm not the only one." "Is this another song, Mr. Deadpool?" Sweeite Belle asked. "No Questions!" Deadpool simply replied "♫Let's get down to business, to kick major buns. Did they send me daughters when I asked for sons? You're the cutest bunch I ever met, but you can bet before we're through: Ladies, I'll make a mare out of you!!!♫" The Four were in a forest, practicing with sticks as Bamboo shoots, doing twirls around. The three had to fight off Deadpool, who showed no sign of exhaustion. "♫Tranquil as a forest, but on fire within.♫" They were now in a stream, balancing on a small rock in the middle, though the fillies were having a hard time. "♫Once you find your center, You are sure to win. You're a careless, young, weak-full lot, and you haven't got a clue.♫" Deadpool launched his arm into the stream and caught a decent sized fish, holding it like a trophy! "♫Somehow I'll make a mare out of you!!!♫" "♫I'm never gonna catch my breath♫" Scootaloo huffed, running through some thorns while following Deadpool, getting a lot of cuts on her. "♫Say goodbye to those who knew me.♫" Applebloom sang while swinging her warm wildly at Deadpool, who had one hand on her head preventing her to attack and was checking on his phone on what he missed back home (mostly dirty stuff). "♫Boy, was I a fool in school for cutting gym♫" Sweetie Belle Panted, falling right behind her friends in a jog around the field." ♫You're scaring these kids half to death♫ ♫Hope you guys don't see right through me.♫ "♫Now I really wish that I knew how to swim!♫" Deadpool sang, gasping for breath while failing to stay afloat in a kiddy pool with the CMC repeating the 'No Evil' monkeys. "♫We are mares!♫" the fillies sang together "♫We must be swift as a coursing river♫" "♫We a mares!!!♫" "♫With all the force of great ponies♫" "♫We are mares♫" "♫With all the strength of a raging fire, Mysterious as the dark side of mooncheeks!!!♫" Deadpool looked down at the three from the roof of their clubhouse, seeing that they were so tired that they couldn't even climb the very steps to their clubhouse. "Time is racing toward us till those brats arrive!!! Heed my every order and you might survive!!!" He jumped down to the three and started to walk away from them. You're unsuited for the rage of war, so pack up, go home you're through. How could I make a mare out of you?" The three took a final deep breath, looked at each other, and nodded. They got up onto their feet: Scootaloo tackled Deadpool! Deadpool, caught off guard, friend to throw her off, but Sweetie Belle ran around him with a rope, tying his legs up, causing Deadpool to fall. When he fell to the floor, immediately, Applebloom picked up her small hind legs and bucked the Merc across his face. Deadpool looked at how they did this and smirked. *During the chorus below, of course* "♫We are mares!♫" the fillies sang together "♫We must be swift as a coursing river♫" "♫We a mares!!!♫" "♫With all the force of great ponies♫" "♫We are mares♫" "♫With all the strength of a raging fire, Mysterious as the dark side of mooncheeks!!!♫" The fillies were then able to do all the things they couldn't do: Scootaloo ran through the thorns as if it were nothing, Applebloom tossed Deadpool over, impaling him in the branch of a tree, Sweetie Belle ran past her friends in their jog, catching up to Deadpool, and Deadpool breached the water, flying high in the air as if he were a dolphin with the fillies holding up signs. (Applebloom's had on it 'Appuls', Sweetie had a Volume 10 Dictionary, and Scootaloo's had a bucket of fried chicken from KFC) *same as last* "♫We are mares!♫" the fillies sang together "♫We must be swift as a coursing river♫" "♫We a mares!!!♫" "♫With all the force of great ponies♫" "♫We are mares♫" "♫With all the strength of a raging fire, Mysterious as the dark side of mooncheeks!!!♫" The three were in a straight row, wearing belts around their waists. Deadpool came walked back & forth in white karate with a black belt. "Good." Deadpool simply said "I'm just glad that montage got out of the way. I'd hate authors to actually ATTEMPT creating a full montage in detail instead of, oh, I don't know, not use a Mulan joke." "...I don't follow." Sweetie spoke "Never mind that. You've all been exceptional, but this isn't the end of your training. Keep practicing what I've taught you, and you'll get better. For now, I have gifts for you all." "Gifts!?!?!?" Scootaloo yelled "Really!?!?!?" "But of course. Since you're the first to be excited, come and get yours first." Scootaloo happily ran towards Deadpool. He pulled out a large bag almost out of nowhere and began to look through it. "Let's see here... HERE WE ARE!!!" Deadpool pulled out two Sais. "Giant forks?" "Kinda. These are Sais: weapons meant to help break your enemy's weapons and gain the upper hand. Perfect for shanking from behind... and Spaghetti night." "Thanks Master Deadpool!" "Indeed." Deadpool bowed respectfully, and Scootaloo returned the bow. She went back to her friends, holding the sais. "Sweetie Belle!" The unicorn walked up to him. Deadpool reached in the bag and pulled out a five foot pole. "A stick?" Sweetie Belle asked, feeling a bit jealous of Scootaloo. "No. This is a staff: made from pure bamboo, it has a long reach to help knock the s**t out of your enemies from a longer distant than the others. Plus," he turned it around and showed a button on it. he clicked it and a huge blade came out!!! "It doubles as a spear. Here you go." Sweetie used her magic to hold the spear and the two bowed to each other. She went back to the others, clicking on the button with her snout, making the blade go away. "Finally, Applebloom." The earth pony walked towards her master. "Applebloom... you have shown a lot of... I forgot. But, well... f**k it, here." He pulled out a pair of nunchucks. "What the hay are these?" the filly asked "Nunchucks. They act as a flashy way to distract your enemies before you beat the s**t out of them with those two wooden blocks. Plus, with that hula hoop you had earlier, I think you could fly, or, at the very least, glide without much noise." "Thank you, Sensai." "Hai!" They both bowed down to each other. "Now, I fear... we won't see each other for a while, but, we will remember it by one thing." "What is that?" Scoots asked, putting her Sais away. "...We take a selfie." "What's a selfie?" Sweetie Belle asked "I know what it is!" Applebloom exclaimed "Deadpool and ma sister had one! He just takes a picture with you, as a memory!" "Really?" Scootaloo asked "Well then, let's take it!" "Say 'COWABUNGA!!!'" Deadpool exclaimed "COWABUNGA!!!" the fillies cheered with a smile. Deadpool took a selfie with the trio of fillies!!! "And now, for your memory." "What is that?" Sweetie asked "THIS!!!" Deadpool lifted his hand reached over to one of her ears, and began to scratch it. She let out a gasp, then began to murmur to herself. "Sweetie... what's happening?" Scootaloo asked "You've... got to try this." Sweetie said very calmly. "There's room for everypony!!!" Deadpool exclaimed. The ponies tackled Deadpool, covering him in pure cuteness!!! He reached his hand out, touching Scoot's and Applebloom's ear, scratching their ears. they released a relaxed murmur themselves, along with some purring. 5 minutes of intense cute scratching later: Deadpool sat down upright, with all of the CMC all over him: Sweetie lied on the top of his head, Applebloom had her head on his right arm, and Scootaloo lied on his lap, all fast asleep. "Today was a good day." Deadpool simply said to himself. Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next?
What's Next? A 'Five Nights at Freddy's' parody? Pony #29: SlenderMane/Pony/ColtDeadpool woke up after his snuggling with the CMC, still at their clubhouse but with it being in the middle of the night. Next to him was a simple flashlight with a note that read 'You should get home- The Cutie Mark Crusaders'. Without any problem with that suggestion, he turned on the flashlight and pointed it forward. Immediately, he saw a piece of paper on a tree. "What the-?" Deadpool asked to himself. He got up and looked at the piece of paper. 'Don't look or it takes you!' it read. Are we seriously doing this? What's next? A 'Five Nights at Freddy's parody?' "Roll Credits!" THE END!! "Just joking there folks. But seriously? Really N***a?" If I remember from the game, we had to collect a total of 8 pages, and Slenderman will chase us, becoming harder with each paper collected. But... if we're in Equestria... is this SlenderMane, Slenderpony, or... slendercolt? "I have no idea. But now, our game begins, and somepony's watching me and staring at me... probably looking at my booty. Booty... my booty... ♫Slendermane looking at my booty! My booty!!!♫" Deadpool turned around and saw a pony in the distance. It had no face, was super pale, wore a black suit with a red tie, and seemed to have tentacles coming out of his/her back. "Great. He's stalking me now. F**king stalking me... GO AWAY B***H!!! You don't know my life!!!" Deadpool teleported away, entering a bathroom. He found another page that read 'NoNoNo!!!'. He turned around and saw the strange pony, still standing but closer. "Go away! I already know you're F**king stalking me!!!" Another teleportation, and he found another note on a hay bale. He sat down on the hay bale, not even realizing that the ponified version of Slenderman was right behind him. "I don't even know why he wants me guys. He must've saw my a** and he like 'DAMN!!! I need that a**.' More teleportations later, he found all the rest of the pages. He saw the Slanderpony, standing over him as if it were a giant with it's tentacles wrapping around him. "Oh man! He wants to eat me!!! Or... want me to be his wife! I was a beautiful, young, and sexy lady. Anyone would've wanted me as their wife. They knew it." He teleported away, right on top by of a tree. Slendermane teleported next to him. Deadpool simply pushed the pony off, causing it to fall but grab onto the branches with it's tentacles. "GO AWAY!!! GO THE F**K AWAY!!!" He teleported to the ground, feeling the tentacles wrap around his neck. "Great... now he's above me. He smells me... tacos, I believe." The pony fell to him, opening it's 'mouth', revealing a lot of sharp white & triangular teeth!!! "I will NOT have pony babies!!! I'm not going to get prego by you! I don't even like pony p***s!!! I don't like it." Slendy pounced on Deadpool, but he teleported away, right behind him. "I tried it once and it was disgust- No no, never mind, another time." Slender got up and growled at him "I SEE YOU!!! I SEE YOU YOU LITTLE PONY B***H!!! I bet you got a little pony p***s!!! A tiny one... that's why he's mad folks." Another pounce, and Deadpool teleported away, now in a wedding gown, hiding in a corner of a tree. Slendy got up and marched right at him. "OH NONONONONO!!! YOU DID NOT SEE MY DRESS!!! THIS IS BULLS**T!!!" Slendy hissed at him. "Did he just f*****g hiss at me?" Deadpool walked towards the pony, who went back into it's normal form. "Dd you f*****g hiss at me, b***h?" Slendy went into a full barrage of teeth & tentacles, grabbing Deadpool and impaling him into a tree!!! Deadpool let out a scream-laugh mix as he was impaled, along with his chest being ripped open and his organs falling out!!! Slendy went back into it's regular pony form, staring at Deadpool, tilting it's head in curiosity. "Yeah B***h!!! This tickles now!" Deadpool grabbed the branch around him and Pulled himself out, landing on the floor with a loud 'FLOP!!!'. Slendy backed up a bit, seeing Deadpool not only laugh & pull himself out, but was also quickly healing as if nothing happened, replacing organs as well!!! "Say, why do you do this? Are you like a cliche'd demon from hell that kills for fun? An angel of death? Or did your father get lucky with an octopus?" At that moment, Slendy just turned around and ran away!!! "WAIT!!! Your p***s isn't that small!!!" Their chase lasted for a few minutes: Slendy ran away as fast as his legs could carry him, looking behind to see Deadpool catching up to him!!! Slendy used his tentacle to rip down some trees, forming a barrage to block Deadpool's path, but he teleported ahead, even closer to Slendermane! Slendy ran out of the woods he haunted and made it to the outskirts of Ponyville. He took some deep 'breaths', until he looked up, seeing predator-turned-prey. "SEFLIE!!!" Deadpool grabbed Slendy by the neck and, with his other, took a pic with the two together!!! Sledny 'screamed' as Deadpool carried him. "Geez. Camera-shy?" Out in the distance, the sun began to rise! Slendy attempted to break from Deadpool's grasp, but couldn't from Deadpool's strength. "Just look at it... it's so... romantic, isn't it?" The sun hit them both. Slendy 'screamed' again, as the sun hit him, he glowed, and Exploded!!! Deadpool looked around and, with no sign of Slendermane, now lied many small colts and fillies, each relatively the same age as the CMC, with a few exceptions. "Where did you all come from?" "W-w-we're alive?" a small green colt asked "Yes. Did something happen?" "He-He saved us!" A purple filly yelled "HE SAVED US!!!" The they all began to cheer! They lifted Deadpool up and had him land on their backs! Deadpool gave a curious look, but shrugged, put his arms behind his head, and allowed the small fillies & colts to carry him away on their backs. Author's Note
Luna Fanbase. Pony # 30 and 31: Nightmare Moon and Woona. Luna Fanbase. Pony # 30 and 31: Nightmare Moon and Woona. The children he lied on sprinted towards ponyville. Some ponies began to exit their homes and looked out, seeing a swarm of young ponies running to them. Some of the older ponies began to tear up, seeing their children gone for such a long time. A beam of light came over Deadpool with some kids, and he was lifted up into the sky, though the kids were left alone. "Where are you going!?!?!?" A child asked "Do not fear, Children." Deadpool replied, mimicking Morgan Freeman "I must go: my people need me!!!" He lifted one arm into the air and was levitated at super speed, breaching planet's orbit!!! Deadpool, now in space, saw that he was heading towards the moon: the same place where ad been Luna had been banished in for 1000 years!!! Are we being banished for 1000 years? Highly unlikely: we saved those kids from the Slender-pony's evil grasp. "That thing was evil? I thought he was just gay and wanted the D." ...why? We gotta get outta!!! Quickly: A use a horrible joke Adam Sandler will use in another one of his cash grab movies!!! "Got it!!!" He flenched his buttcheeks with a loud grunt. What came out was a fart SO LOUD, that it woke everyone up on the planet's surface, broke every mirror & glass, and, for no reason why, Tirek's decapitated head came back to life (with the CMC near him). On Equestria. "What the-!?!?!?" Tirek asked "I'm... alive!?!?!?!? YES!!!" "AUGH!!!" Applebloom screamed "That freakin' centaur's still alive!?!?!?" "And it smells bad too!!!" Scootaloo added "TAKE THIS FOR COMING BACK ALIVE AND FARTING!!!" Sweetie Belle yelled, hitting the head over & over with her staff. "AUGH!!! Stop!!!" Tirek's head begged "I can't fart!!!" "Yeah right." Scootaloo replied "Hold up," Applebloom said with a grin "I got an idea." In a few moments, Sweetie Belle was in a referee outfit and both Applebloom & Scootaloo were in football gear. Scootaloo held onto the head and Applebloom rushed over to her and football kicked the head!!! Tirek went through a goal that was made with some hockey sticks. "This is torture beyond Tartarus level." Tirek grunted to himself. Back to the Lost Adam Sandler movie script for... Grown ups 3. Deadpool got out of the magical wormhole, going more into deep space. What did we eat!?!?!? "I eat pears." Deadpool replied to himself in his best Rick Ross voice. "Now I'm s***ing all like that." You do realize about gravity, right? I don't follow. Easy as this: we're still anding on the moon. "What do you-" Before he could finish, he fell down to the moon's surface, rolling on the floor roughly before crashing into a large boulder. "Oh- I get it!!!" "There you are." a villainous woman's voice was announced. Deadpool turned around and, standing in front of him, was another pony: she stood as tall as Celestia, had cat like iris's, had Princess Luna's mane, and was almost as black as the night. "OH S**T!!! Luna's on her period!!!" "Luna? No, I am NIGHTMARE MOON!!!" "... that's my second guess." "I have summoned you to-" "Take out the Mane 6, destroy the elements of harmony, kidnap or kill Celestia with the exception of armed guards, and make nighttime eternal." Nightmare froze in place and gave a questioned look. "How did you-?" "Look, you're a bit... one dimensional." "One dimensional?" "Until we learned you're actually the altered form of Princess Luna, you were just another villain that wanted to take over the world. Seriously, you villains ALWAYS develop the worst plans to take over the world!!!" "Alright then... how would YOU do it?" "Hey! don't ask me, I don't plan on world domination." "...why?" "When you rule everything, what's there to earn anymore?" She froze and stared into the distance. "I... never thought of that before." "Exactly!!!" "But there is one fault." "What is it?" "I'm not Luna, or, might I say, Luna isn't a part of me anymore." "...really?" "Yeah. Kinda hard to explain, but I came after you arrived." "... was there anypony else?" "Yeah. Come on out!!!" A cave was in the distance, and another pony came out: she looked like a young Luna, being somewhere between the twin's size and the CMC size, she was mostly gray all over the area, and she had both a small jewel piece and crown. "Woona!?!?!?" "That's her name?" "Oh S**T!!! My life is a living Moonstuck!!!" "...what?" "Nevermind, how do we get outta here?" "I can help!" Woona spoke in a squeaky voice. They both gasped and looked down at the filly. "There's a wocket ship that is powered by my cuteness!!!" "...and you never informed me on this?" nightmare spoke in an annoyed tone. "You never allowed me to speak. We both snuggled a lot." Nightmaregh, there was a blushed a bit. "How sweet." Deadpool commented, picking up the foal and petting her mane. "To the Rocket ship!!!" They all ran into the cave and, sure enough, there was a rocket large enough for the three to fit in! "Before we go, I say we should all take a selfie together." "A selfie?" the mares asked "It's a picture." "Sounds nice." nightmare commented. "My cuteness will be stored!!!" Woona exclaimed. The three got into the frame together and the picture was taken. They went into the ship and were fired back to Equestria!!! They had a rough landing, but they made it into a road that connected Manehatten to Canterlot. Deadpool pushed the door out of the way and they all exited. "Well," Deadpool said "it was nice meeting you. Where will you go?" "... I have no clue." nightmare responded "I wanted you to take over the world, but after seeing your perspective, I have no idea where to go next." "Don't forget me!!!" Woona added "Right... well... Go to Canterlot and find Princess Luna. Tell 'er that I sent you two for help, got it?" "We do." the two responded. Nightmare Moon levitated Woona onto her back and began to walk on the road towards Canterlot, before the two disappeared in a shadow. "That certainly was... anticlimactic. Are you getting tired, MrAquino?" No... shut up. Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next? (Apologies for this chapter. I was sick and watching some reviewers to understand their ways... just in case you want 'em in.)
Home sweet... home? Ponies #32- 38: The Power Ponies: The Masked Matter-Horn, Fili-Second, Zapp, Radiance, Mistress Mare-velous, Saddle Rager, and Hum Drum."Really? You're going to get that support online?" SHUT UP!!! I need some support, okay? "Yeah... p***y." Know what? let's get this started. Deadpool traveled his way back to Ponyville, hopefully, nothing crazy would happen. "Please," he spoke "I enjoy the madness!!!" Yeah... you do. Well, as he traveled along the way, a lone comic book seems to glide over to him thanks to the wind, and landed on the Merc's face. Deadpool quickly took the comic off his face ad looked at it. A Power Ponies comic book? OOH!!! I remember that episode!!! "I think we all do. Think we should read it?" No. YES!!! "Hm..." Deadpool found a bit on the floor. "Heads, we read it, Tails, we don't." He flipped the coin and it landed on heads. "YES!!!" Deadpool opened a book and, before he even read anything, a portal opened up in the comic, sucking him in!!! He went through a spiraling vortex that reminded him a lot on how he came into the MLP universe. In a matter of seconds, his vision was blurry, but he regained it after a couple of blinks. He was on a rooftop of a building out in the night: a couple of car sounds were made, people's voices were heard, and a couple of other things reminded him of New York. Are we home? Sounds like we are. "THIS IS BULLS**T!!! Our adventure was never meant to-" A huge explosion was heard right below where he stood. Crazed laughter was followed with sirens blaring. Deadpool peaked over the area and saw a pony figure silhouette with tentacles, wrapping along it's surrounding and escaping. "Doc Ock? I don't remember him being a woman." He was in Spider-Man 2099 in that shattered dimension game. BOO!!! Deadpool teleported himself down to the explosion, which is revealed to be research facility. "Alright... our Doc Ock wannabe stole something from this area, is heading towards that direction. With my ninja skills, I-" "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!!!" a demanding voice yelled. Deadpool froze a bit. He turned around and, right before his eyes, was the Power Ponies!!! Though he remembered them being portrayed by the Mane 6 and Spike, these ponies were different looking: Masked Matter-Horn had a pink coat with a lighter mane, Fili-Second had a green coat with an orange mane, Zapp was grayish with a darker mane to match, Radiance was now yellow with a dark blue mane, Mistress Mare-velous was pale looking with a silver-blue mane, Saddle Rager was pink with a brown mane, and Hum Drum wasn't a dragon, but a green earth pony with a green-brown mane. "Any of you know this villain?" Masked Matter-Horn asked her team mates. They all responded with collective 'No's. "Alright. IDENTIFY YOURSELF!!!" Deadpool took a deep breath and cleared his throat. "Aye," he spoke in a pirate accent "the name be Deadpool: star of this famous fan fiction on Fimfiction.net." "Star of what?" Radiance asked "It doesn't matter." Zapp spoke "He will taste JUSTICE!!!" "WHAT!?!?!?" Deadpool spoke "I'm not the bad guy here! In fact, I'm a good guy like you guys." "With an outfit and look like that," Mare-velous spoke "Sure." "Oh please. Haven't you had a hero that looked liked he or she could kill someone but is nice?" They all shook their heads in a 'No' way. "We have no idea what you're doing here," Saddle Rager spoke "but we will NOT let you get away!!!" "Especially from me!" Fili-Second added. "Maybe," Deadpool responded "but I'm telling you, I'm not the bad guy here!!! The real villain is out there, and I believe she has a device that could-" "SILENCE!!!" Matter-Horn interrupted "Surrender now or we'll do this the hard way!!!" "Wait!" Humdrum spoke, running in front of his teammates "Maybe he really is telling the truth! We should listen and-" "Humdrum," Radiance spoke, summoning a large glove to soot him out of the way "you've got to learn that, though we can't always judge a book by it's cover, there are exceptions. Just look at the Mane-iac." "Mane-iac." Deadpool spoke "THAT'S HER!!! The Mane-iac stole something and is-" "Want me to handle 'im?" Mare-velous asked her teammates. "Go ahead." Saddle Rager Spoke "Let's see if you can beat him in your time record." "Challenge accepted!" She pulled out horse shoes from the episode and threw it at Deadpool. Deadpool reacted by doing a backflip and bending his knees down like Keanu Reeves in "The Matrix", but with more personality. They all gasped at what he did. "And that's how we do it!!!" Deadpool yelled, doing a dance. "...That's it!!!" She charged at Deadpool and tried to punch him in the face. Deadpool dodged her punch from a couple of inches, grabbed her by the hoof, and swung her into a car, smashing it a bit!!! She got up from the wreckage, snorted, summoned her whip and tossed it! The whip successfully wrapped itself around him, but Deadpool teleported away, right next to her, grabbed her by the mane, and slammed her head on the car!!! She fell to the floor limp, knocked out. everyone else gasped at what he did. "YOU!!!" Zapp yelled, holding her necklace in her hoof, summoning a cloud with lightning. "YOU'LL DIE FOR HURTING MY BEST FRIEND!!!" A lightning bolt came from the cloud and was about to hit Deadpool. He teleported out of the way, right next to her face and grabbed her mane. She tried to shake him off, but Deadpool held on very tightly with one hand and used the other to punch her face! A lightning bolt was fired at him, but he let go, letting Zapp get electrocuted by her own lightning bolt! She fell to the floor, burning with some smoke coming off her. Radiance used her magic and made a cage around Deadpool, followed by her making the cage close in on him! Again, he teleported out, landing in front of Radiance and was about to punch. His fist was stopped, As Fili-Second grabbed a hold of his arm. The heroine let go, but released a barrage of hooves punching his face, gut, and groin!!! Deadpool fell to the floor, holding his hands over his nuts,wheezing a bit. "Had enough?" Fili-Second asked inches from his face. Deadpool simply head-butted her, instantly knocking her out! He was quickly grabbed by Radiance's magic, all his arms & legs feeling they were pulled apart. He broke the magic with one of his arms, grabbed the other, and threw the other at her! She felt the impact of her own magic on her head, struggled to stand still, but fell to the floor, also knocked out. He then felt his chest was missing something. Looking down, he saw a huge hold was made in his stomach!!! He looked around and saw Masked Matter-Horn's horn steaming a bit. "You forced my hooves!!!" she spoke "Ha!" Deadpool replied "Like that'll stop me!!!" "What do you- AUUGH!!!" The hole in Deadpool's chest began to heal quickly, replacing the organs, muscles, skin, and clothing he wore! He ran up to her and simply uppercutted her! She fell to the floor, weakened and surprised at what happened! He turned and saw the last of them: Saddle Rager stood there with shouted eyes, tears developing in her eyes, then reopened them, showing red!!! "Oh S**t." He said. Saddle Rager went from her small posture, to, with bones cracking, a huge pony with a lot of muscles!!! She roared at the Merc, who went from being all bad*** to being a p***y. "HEY!!!" Saddle Picked up one of her large hooves, grabbed him by the neck, jumped super high into the air until they were out of the planet's orbit, circled around the sun, and dived right back to the city in a ball of fire!!! A huge crater was formed in the streets, and Deadpool, despite being burnt to a crisp, healed quickly, going back to his usual form. Saddle eager gave an even more furious look. "WHY WON'T YOU DIE!?!?!?" she yelled "Because I'm Dead-Mother F***ing-Pool!!!" "HERE!!!" Humdrum yelled, throwing something at Deadpool. Deadpool teleported out of Saddle's grasp and grabbed what Humdrum threw: some syringes. With any question, he teleported onto Saddle's back, pulled out the syringes, and injected them in the back of her neck!!! She tried to buck him off, but the Syringes made her move slowly, and soon, she fell to the floor, unconscious as well. She went back into her normal form, though her costume will need some serious stitching. "Thanks. Why did you help?" "I'm not a genius, but I know when someone has or hasn't done anything wrong. You can help us out!" "Really?" "Yeah! Come on, we gotta take 'em back to H.Q." "And where is that?" A few hours later: The Power Ponies began to wake up at the same time. Their base resembled that of Batman's Batcave, but with more pony stuff around and having stuff that looks like it belonged to a traditional base. Deadpool and Humdrum walked to the waking ponies, though Deadpool had on a gambler's hat with a cigarette in his 'mouth'. They all gasped at the sight of Deadpool. "HUMDRUM!!!" Matter-Horn yelled "WHY IS HE HERE!?!?!?" "Relax," Humdrum explained "He's not guilty as you think. He was there when the crime happened, but he never committed it. Don't you what I told you all when we first met?" "Oh... right." Zapp said, rubbing the back of her mane "How do you know he ain't using you?" Mare-velous asked "If I did wanted to kill you," Deadpool said "I would've done it right away. when you were all knocked out." "YOU SLAMMED MY HEAD ON A CAR!!!" "She slammed me on the concrete!!!" he pointed at Saddle. Saddle blushed a bit and rubbed the back of her mane. "I did." Saddle bashfully replied "...Alright." Radiance Spoke "I guess we can trust him." "Hey!!!" Fili spoke "We should all take a Seflie!!!" "MOTHER F***ER!!!" Deadpool yelled "That's my line!!!" "Ah! I now see what makes you tick!" "Fine," Matter-Horn spoke "but our camera is broken, so there's no way we could-" "I have it right here." Deadpool spoke, holding out his phone. "...I guess that'll work." Deadpool slid in between their beds with Humdrum in his arm. "SAY 'JUSTICE'!!! "JUSTICE!!!" they all yelled together. the picture was taken. "With that out of the way," Saddle spoke "you said the Mane-iac stole something?" "Oh yes." Deadpool replied "... I think I know where she's going." Fili spoke. Author's Note Become a Patron here: https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino Who should Deadpool meet next? (Though I already know the answer) No Mane 6 as the heroes, trying to follow the IDW comics reimagining (though I never read it no have it) Also: Pony up!!!
*Insert an original evil team name here* Pony # 39-45: Pharaoh Phetlock, Long-Face, Smudge, High Heel, Shadowmane, and Mane-iac!!! *Insert an original evil team name here* Pony # 39-45: Pharaoh Phetlock, Long-Face, Smudge, High Heel, Shadowmane, and Mane-iac!!! The whole team, with Saddle-Rager, Zapp, and Masked Matter-Horn carrying Deadpool, made it to an abandoned cave that was shaped like a skull. "Really?" Deadpool asked "A skull cave?" "This is was recently discovered after an earthquake." Matter replied "With some luck, the Mane-iac should be inside!" Fili-Second exclaimed "So let's go in and take 'er in!!!" Mare-velous yelled, charging in. Radiance used her magic to make a giant glove that held onto Mare-velous' tail "As much as we would love to go in there," Radiance spoke "We mustn't charge in immediately." "Right," Saddle added "she may have her Hairspray of doom again!" "Always with her hairspray of doom," Zapp groaned to herself "and I doubt she'll let Humdrum go after that stunt we did to her the last time we brought her in." "I had to save you all!" Humdrum replied "And she was going to turn ever pony crazy like her!" "And we're proud of you for that," Matter-Horn spoke, rustling the small colt's mane "Power Ponies: stay together and be quiet! That includes you too, Deadpool." She turned and saw Deadpool was gone. "Deadpool?" Inside, our merc tip-toed in the cave, making very few sounds. ]You think we should've stayed behind and listened? Since when did you become the voice of reason? Not just that, but to knock them out and bring 'em in to Mane-iac. Hey, we may not be heroes all the time, but we aren't d***s "Silence you two!" Deadpool shushed himself "I hear something." Our merc was right, as he heard some chatting going on along with some evil laughter. He teleproted closer, going onto the ceiling, looking down below. A group of ponies sat around a table, one of them was the Mane-iac, still the same as from the Power Ponies episode, but five other ponies were there: A grey coat colored pharaoh looking earth pony; a pegasus pony that looked like a mix between a mime & the Crow (check it out, it was Bruce Lee's son's first movie before he died before his career began); a black pony with a red outline & eyes that seemed to move as if it were a blob; a light tan colored unicorn mare with a red horn that matched her dress, had a Sombra looking purple mane, boots around her legs & wore a blue crown on her head; and there was a purple wearing pony with a black hoodie & mask, showing only bright yellow eyes. "You actually did it!?!?!?" The Pharaoh pony asked with glee in his voice "I did!" Mane-iac replied "I'm just glad Shadowmane was there to help me to retrieve the orb back." "Yes." the hooded pony named 'Shadowmane' responded in a calm voice "Their security is very lacking the last time. Almost a waist of my time." "You should've took me then!" the blob pony responded in an altered, nearly growling voice. "I would've had much fun!" "You would, Smudge," the Sombra looking pony responded "but tell me: could you really make it back without leaving a trail?" "Says you, High Heel! Can you even go anywhere without shoe shopping!?!?!?" "YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!" the two growled at each other, nearly landing their muzzles on each other. the mime pony stood between them, releasing only a lone 'Shh'. the two calmed down, still looking at each other. "Thank you, Long Face." the Pharaoh responded with a simple nod. "Why do you need this?" Mane-iac asked, carrying the same orb from the last time "Surely, this can help us, Pharaoh Phetlock." Shadowmane responded "It will." Phetlock replied. "We will soon be able to not just beat the power ponies one time, but multiple times!!!" "What do you mean?" Smudge asked. Phetlock got up and walked to a curtain. "Easy. My friends, I give you..." he pulled the curtain down, showing a machine that had two half orbs on it with a circle platform in the two half spheres. "OUR OWN CLONING MACHINE!!!" "A cloning machine!?!?!?" High Heel yelled "I don't want anypony to be as beautiful as me!!!" "Don't worry: these clones will be modified to follow us and only us! They'll be stupid and dependent on us, but share the same skills we have now!!!" "More sludge monsters like me?" Smudge asked with hope in his voice "More thieves like me?" Shadow Mane asked very interested "More psychopaths like me!?!?!?" Mane-iac asked, followed by her cackling "More attractive mares like me?" High Heel asked with some jealousy in her tone. Long Face held up a sign that simply said 'more actors like me?'. "Yes!" the Pharaoh replied "Soon, All of the world will bow beneath our hooves!!! I just need a test subject to see if it works." "You're answer's right here!!!" Deadpool yelled. All the villains gasped and looked up: Deadpool let of of the ceiling and fell to the floor, landing on the floor face first with his face splattering the floor!!! "...That was... weird." Smudge replied "That was hilarious!!!" Mane-iac yelled "DO IT AGAIN!!!" Deadpool lifted his head up, having it heal quickly in front of them. "Sorry." Deadpool replied with a fully healed face "That'll cost you 100 bits!" "WHAT THE-!?!?!?" they all yelled "Who are you!?!?!?" Shadowmane asked, holding a dagger "Relax," Deadpool responded, teleporting into a standing pose. "the name's 'Deadpool', Merc with a mouth as people in my place call me." "Deadpool," Pharaoh replied "sounds evil enough. I see you have a quick healing factor and can teleport. Anything else you can do?" "Well, I-" "Can you shoot lasers from your eyes!?!?!?" Mane-iac asked. The memories came back... damn you wolverine prequel... ruining his image. "...No. Neither do I have blades in my arms. I am a master of martial arts, marksman, gigolo, actor, translator in various languages, and the most unpredictable thing on earth." "How so?" high Heel asked "Like this." He stood silently, not even moving nor blinking for a solid minute. "I don't get i-" She stopped and smelled the air. "UGH!!! THAT'S DISGUSTING!!!" What do you me-" Mane-iac asked, but smelled the air as well. She too went into a gaging position, falling to the floor. Long Face picked up some clothespins and put them over his nostrils, Shadowmane pulled out a gas mask, and Smudge laughed at the women. "Good one." Smudge replied, laughing almost uncontrollably. "How immature." Shadowmane's voice muffled through his mask. Deadpool picked up a can of Febreeze and sprayed the air, making the place smell good once again. The females took a deep breath, taking in the fresh air and smelling it. "Enough!!!" Pharaoh Phetlock barked "We're not going anywhere until we-" "STARTING TEST!!!" Deadpool yelled in a lab coat, shoving the orb into a hole and activating the machine. All the villains ran away, as a bright light was turned on!!! In a puff of smoke, everything went dark, and the machine hissed. The villains looked out of their hiding spots, seeing Deadpool was unharmed, but a pony stood next to him. Deadpool looked down and the pony looked up: the pony had on Deadpool's suit with no mane or tail showing. "HOLY S**T!!!" The two yelled "A HUMAN/PONY ME!!!" "I-incredible." Phetlock stuttered "I-i-it works!" "We'll say!!! Say, what do you enjoy? I enjoy tacos!!! You too!?!?!?" "I thought you'd say he'd be stupid." High Heel sneered at Phetlock. "I think he's already stupid." Shadowmane commented, watching the two Deadpools slap across each other's faces. "that was a simple test," Phetlock said "We'll clone five more of ours!!!" "Five more?" Smudge asked "So we can defeat our nemesis with our own help of us!!!" "I love it!!!" Mane-iac yelled, laughing maniacally!!! The machine was activated again, another flash of light, and more steam came out: six deadpools were now there: three humans with one being all orange & the other being blue and three pony Deadpools, also like the human's. "Don't worry," Human Pool spoke "We got it all covered." Pony pool added "How are we even here?" The blue pools asked "I LOVE THESE FICTIONS!!!" The Orange pools yelled. All the Deadpools stepped out, allowing the villains to enter their machine. Another light, a puff of smoke, Behold: 5 clones of each villain, standing blankly with drool falling from their mouths. "YES!!!" The villains cheered together. "Our Nemeses will be defeated!!!" Mane-iac yelled with crazed laughing "Nothing will stand in our way!!!" Phetlock yelled "All will cower at us!!!" Smudge yelled "They will obey us!!!" High Heel added "And Evil will triumph." Shadow Mane added, though not yelling like his allies. Long face held up a sing that said 'Never go backward. Attempt, and do it with all your might. Determination is power.' "What a nerd." The orange human pool commented. "How can we repay you for testing this machine out?" Phetlock asked "... A seflie!!!" All the pools yelled, pulling out their cameras! Without any question, a selfie was taken with the villains. "DEADPOOL!?!?!?" the power ponies voices yelled They all turned and saw the group of heroes, standing with their jaws open. "TRAITOR!!!" Mare-velous yelled "GO!!!" Phetlock yelled at his clones "team up with one of my friends and deal with their nemesis!!!" "SAME THING GOES WITH YOU!!!" All the other villains told their clones. Without much of a word, each member of the power ponies (except Humdrum), battled their arch nemesis that used their powers against them with the help of their allies' clones, outnumbering each power pony 6 to 1!!! Radiance battled against Long face, who used Mime-like abilities to battle her summoning/altering abilities; Smudge wrapped himself around Zapp & tried to hold her down to take the necklace away from her; Mare-velus and Shadowmane used various gadgets to gain the upper hand from each other; Both Saddle-Rager and High Heel turned into hulking mosnters & there each other around; Fili-Second dodged Pharaoh Phetlock's sand attacks that formed into various Egyptian themed weapons, and Mane-iac used her mane to dodge Matter-Horn's blasts, even grabbing her and throwing her like a rag doll. "Think we should redeem ourselves?" the blue pools asked "Nah," the orange pools asked "this is interesting." "If this is a comic book, I guess we should help out the heroes." the regular pools spoke. "Come on: let's fight off those clones." "How?" both orange and blue pools asked. "...easy." Both Deadpool's pulled out a taco out of the back of their pockets. they released a whistle. Just when it looks like the villains were going to beat their rival, all their cones turned to the whistle. Their tongues lobbed out and ran up to the Deadpools with their tacos. They simply threw their tacos out of a wall. All of the clones foolishly followed it, followed by some screaming: the hole lead to a cliff that, below, was connected to the ocean. "DEADPOOL!!!" Pharaoh yelled, using his sand to hold Fili-second "What are you doing." "I forgot to mention this," the Deadpools spoke "I'm an excellent liar. I'm an Anti-hero: I walk between good and evil. I'm just doing this for the heck of it." All the pools charged at their own target: human blue charged at Long Face, pony blue for High Heel, orange human at Shadowmane, orange pony at Smudge, regular human at Mane-iac, and orange pony at Pharaoh!!! The battle was intense, as the pools and the hero they were with battled against the villain, using whatever they can to defeat them. the result was this: Long Face was trapped in a cage by Radiance, Shadowmane was blinded by a camera before being knocked out unconsciously, High Heel was now buried under ten feet of boulders, Smudge was now trapped inside a giant jar with electricity in the sides, the Mane-iac was wrapped up by her own mane, and Pharaoh Phetlock was sucked back into a sarcophagus, wrapped in cloth like a mummy. "We'll get out of this!!!" Mane-iac yelled, still laughing like a lunatic "And when we do, we'll have our revenge!!!" "In your dreams." Masked Matter-horn replied "Thanks for helping us, Deadpool. We couldn't have done it without you." "And I was beginning to like him." Smudge remarked under his breath. "It was nothing," Deadpool replied. "And once again, the day was saved, thanks to-" before he could finish, a wormhole appeared above him and sucked him up!!! Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next? Become a Patreon today @ https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino Become a fan on Facebook @ https://www.facebook.com/MrAquinowuvsponiesandDeadpool?ref=bookmarks Old Videogame that would probably look cool if ponified or brought back with ponies:
NOTICE ME EQUESTRIA DAILY!!! Pony #46 and 47: The Great & Powerful Trixie and Sethisto NOTICE ME EQUESTRIA DAILY!!! Pony #46 and 47: The Great & Powerful Trixie and Sethisto Earlier: A lone unicorn mare with a pale cornflower mane & paler stripes, an azure coat, and wearing a purple magician outfit that had yellow & blue stars & circles all over it's hat and cape, picked up the comic book Deadpool was in. Next to her was a unicorn stallion that had a short, red, fuzzy mane with a yellow coat. "Hm... Trixie could use this in her next performance." She spoke to herself "With my help, right?" The unicorn asked all in awe, having small hearts come out from his face. "Of course. Do you still have that Power Pony costume you bought for Nightmare Night?" "I do." "Well get into it! We have a show to perform!!!" A few hours and decent show later Trixie stood on a stage with hundreds of ponies looking at her, most with a bored looking face, but the foals seems to really enjoy it. "And now," Trixie spoke "the Great and Powerful Trixie will use her magic to summon a famous superhero from this comic book!!!" In the back, the unicorn stallion had on a Mistress Mare-velous costume, ready to jump out when she gave the signal. "With my words, the hero will come out! 'Hear me spirits of the other land, give me the power to summon a lad, for a minute or two, I summon you!!!'" The comic book began to glow & float in the air! It opened it's pages and the silhouette of a famous human came out. he landed on his feet, but doing a pose like Arnold Schwarzenegger from Terminator. He stood up, and the crowd gasped at who it was. "DEADPOOL!!!" Deadpool yelled, pointing at the crowd. Silence was made, followed a large cheer from the crowd. Flowers were thrown at him, and he teleported away for a bit, returning with a suit on and holding an Oscar. "I'm sorry Leonardo DiCaprio, but... I won!!! I couldn't have done this without you!!! Thank you! THANK YOU!!!" The unicorn stallion came out of the back, removing his mask, and went to Trixie. "Was that the signal?" He asked "Not at all." Trixie replied, gawked at what had happened. The curtains closed on Deadpool, though the crowd was still cheering for his entrance. Deadpool teleported next to the two, carrying both in his arms. "Trixie!!!" Deadpool yelled "And... Sethisto!?!?!?" "He knows my name!!!" Sethisto yelled "He... knows me?" Trixe asked, shaking with fear. "Of course I do!" Deadpool replied "Trixie: you're a magician that loves pinecones & peanut butter crackers, hates wheels, tried to take over Ponyville,and this guy's crush!" "WHAT!?!?!?" "And Sethisto: You're the creator of Equestria Daily and super Trixie fan!!!" "I am!" Sethisto replied with a cat-like smile that looks like it could belong to an anime. "Say... care to put this awesome story on Equestria Daily?" "...what story?" Deadpool dropped the two "BRONIES AND PEGASISTERS AT HOME!!! Submit this story to Equestria Daily now!!! Spread my awesomeness across the internet!!!" "Who is he taking to?" Trixie asked "Maybe his mind." Sethisto That guy's a little close on that one. No he isn't. "DO IT BRONIES!!! DO IT!!!" "...I'm a bit scared of him." "I find him funny!" Deadpool turned around to the two. Trixie ran behind Sethisto, cowering a bit. "Trixie," Sethisto spoke "I don't think he's going to hurt us." "True," Deadpool replied, teleporting and carrying Trixie in his arms. "I would've killed you before, but after seeing how the Brony fandom loves you, I'll allow you to live." "Uh... thanks?" Trixie replied in a confused tone. "Trixie!" Sethisto yelled "Perhaps Deadpool can help you with your next show!!!" "You really think so?" "Yeah!!! Deadpool, can you help us out?" "Hm... YES!!!" Deadpool replied, tossing Trixie in the air. She screamed a bit, but was caught before she fell to the floor. "So... care to alter things a bit?" "What do you mean?" she asked "I can play instruments." Sethisto said. "THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH!!!" Deadpool replied "Living Tombstone... I hope you enjoy this." An hour later: The place was cleaned up and a new crowd, with some of the old, entered the area to see the show. Among them, there was the mane 6, the princesses, Spike, some of the weird O.C.s he met, and other ponies that he may or may not have meet before. The curtains rolled up: Sethisto stood there with some instruments and played a tune. A puff of Smoke, and Trixie appeared. "♫I'm Trixie, Welcome to the show,♫" Trixie sang. "♫Got Magic tricks so here we go! We're gonna have some fun, hold on to your hats.♫" A puff of Red smoke, and Deadpool appeared next to her. The newcomers gasped at his appearance, and the others cheered for him still here. "♫We don't care who you are anymore,♫" Deadpool sang right back "♫Just pack your things go out the door. You claim that your performing, don't make us laugh.♫" "♫I have something more!♫" "♫We've seen it before.♫" "♫It's much more special!♫" "♫We'd rather be in hell.♫" "♫It might be the same act, be patient you'll see. You can call it fake, but this is real magic!!! Real Magic!!!♫" The two performed a dance together that looked like it could be used with canes. "♫Look as I make stuff levitate,♫" Trixie sang, doing all the stuff she sang aloud. "♫Making a rope act like a snake, and of course the famous bunny from a hat! Got magic cards and so much more, I even brought fireworks For all of you to all to enjoy♫" "♫Who cares about that, it's all the same thing,♫" Deadpool sang right back. "♫All the same tricks we've seen before♫" "♫It might be the same act, be patient you'll see. You can call it fake, but this is real magic!!! Real magic!!!♫" The two performed many famous magician things including: Deadpool performing the simple, super long scarf, Trixie eating a Pinecone, Deadpool exiting a straight jacket without teleporting, Trixie balancing on a stack of cans that stood twelve feet in the air, and Deadpool, with the help of Sethisto, throwing knives around around the unicorn wit him blindfolded and gagged. The two then stared down at each other "♫Why do you still want to perform? We tried to tell you all along that this act is old, you have to face that!♫" "♫I heard all what you have said, but I don't think I should be mad. The most important thing is to enjoy what you do!♫" "♫But it doesn't make sense!!!♫" "♫It doesn't change a thing.♫" "♫Even if we say it's bad-♫" "♫I'm still performing!♫" "♫It might be the same act-♫" "♫Be patient, you'll see.♫" "♫You can call it fake,♫" the two sang together, with Deadpool holding Trixie in one of his arms while Trixie's hoof was held around his neck. "♫But this is real magic!!! Real Magic!!!♫" Deadpool dropped Trixie, to which she landed on her feet like a cat. she got onto her hind legs and the two performed a Tango-like dance. When the music ended, they both disappeared in a puff of smoke that had both red & white in it. the crowd cheered at that they saw. Unbeknownst to the crowd, Deadpool and Trixie were right above them, sitting on the wood above them. Tears came right from Trixie's face, but she smiled at how they were reacting. "Deadpool." Trixie spoke "Yeah?" The merc replied "Trix- I wanted to say... thank you." "It's not just me. Thank Sethisto for helping us out with his music." the two looked at the stange, seeing Sethisto waving towards the crowd while taking away his instruments. Trixie could't really tell, but Sethisto saw her with Deadpool and waved towards them. the stallion took all his instruments back and the curtains closed right behind him. Deadpool picked up Trixie and teleported to the back. Trixie got out of the Merc's grip and ran towards Sethisto, giving him a huge hug!!! "What the-!?!?!?" Sethisto yelled in question, but went back to his calm self, feeling Trixie rubbing her head onto his chest. "We did it!" Trixie yelled "Sethisto... I'm... sorry for treating you so badly. Thank you for being with me, even if it looks like we're going to fail." "Hey, Trixie, it's no biggie. You may not have noticed, but... well... it's hard to say it, but... perhaps-" "Spill it out." Deadpool commented. Sethisto made a scrunch face and swallowed hard. "Well... I... love you." Trixie's ears flattened, her mouth went wide open, and her eyes grew into the size of dinner plates. "T-I have no idea what to say." She replied "Don't. It sounds stupid, but I do love you!" "Well... Trixie loves you too." "...Really!?!?!?" "Yes!!! Even more than her fans!!!" "... Shall we?" "Oh yes! We shall!!! but first," she turned to Deadpool "how can we thank you?" "A selfie will do." Deadpool replied "Selfie!?!?!?" "It's a picture." Sethisto replied "Oh... Alright! Trixie will have her beauty contained for the ages to come!!!" "That's the Trixie I know and love!!!" "Say 'Crackers'!!!" Deadpool yelled "CRACKERS!!!" the two yelled. A picture was taken. "Now, I'll leave you two alone. My destiny calls for somepony else." He disappeared in a simple puff of red smoke. the two stood there in awkward silence. "So," Sethisto said, rubbing the back of his mane awkwardly "should we- UMPH!!!" Without a warning, Trixie grabbed Sethisto by the back of his mane, threw her head in, and planted her lips onto his. Sethisto struggled at first, but then calmed down quickly, enjoying her kiss, then returned with his own kiss. They both accidentally kicked a lamp down, and the two's kissing silhouette was seen to the crowd. Mana 'Dawws' were heard. "Look at that." Cadence spoke "Another work from Deadpool?" "Maybe," her husband, Shining Armor, replied "its kinda like us, don't you think?" "Yeah. Think their relationship will work?" "I won't deny any bumps will be there, but they should make it. Look at us." "True, very true." Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next? Become a Fan here: https://www.facebook.com/MrAquinowuvsponiesandDeadpool Become a Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino Hopefully, this is good for you, Living Tombstone. If it were Deadpool with Trixie, it may have looked like this(sorry for lack of color):
It's clobberin' time!!! Pony #48: Maud Pie. It's clobberin' time!!! Pony #48: Maud Pie. Deadpool teleported out of the area to the outside: the area was somewhere in Ponyville, it was night, and, being the man we all know and love and not pointing a gun to my head for not doing this chapter in the first place, wandered who he'd meet next. The door opened and he jumped into a bush, hiding from the crowd of ponies exiting the building, talking about the show he was in. Deadpool peaked out and got a closer look: Twilight had the small Alicorn-Nightmare Moon filly Nyx (look man, I was just following that woman's request, no need to put that gun to my head... No, I never read it, and neither did you.) & Fluffle Puff, who had Marksaline lie down on her back and Celesita had the horrible looking Tydal while Luna had both Nightmare Moon & Woona with her. "I must say," Luna spoke "I was quite surprised to meet you both together out of my castle before Deadpool's performance here." "Indeed." Nightmare Moon replied "I'm jot really sure why Woona here never told me about this." "We don't want wowld domination." Woona replied in a baby like voice. "Think they appeared with Tydal?" Celestia asked "What do you mean 'appeared'?!?!?!?" Tydal asked "I've been your older brother, sisters!!!" "I'll have to look into that." Twilight spoke "I'm just trying to keep an eye on these three. Nyx keeps calling me her teacher, I have no idea why Fluffle Puff keeps following me, and Marksaline... well-" "You're not easy with us, are you?" the necromporph asked "...yeah." "Don't hurt us!" Nyx pleaded "Pthphtpthptthptphpttp" Fluffle 'spoke'. "He proved himself worthy, so we won't attack anymore." Marksaline replied "But we still hunger." "These new ponies keep getting weirder and weirder." Applejack commented "Yeah," Rainbow Dash added "what's next? A pony named 'Screwball' that claimed to be Discord's and Fluttershy's Daughter?" Fluttersh froze and stared awkwardly, sweating a bit at the idea of her and Discord having a child. EW!!! I don't even want to imagine that!!! I agree. That would be terrifying. The ponies all began to leave, talking to the new, more stranger ponies around them. Something, however, wasn't right: all of them seemed to be there, but one pony was missing. Not Trixie nor Sethisto, the Power Ponies are where they belong, but who could be- "Whatcha doing?" a high pitch voice asked with rustling from a nearby bush. "WHAT THE-!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled, jumping out of his bush and falling onto the floor with his back. The bush moved, and Pinkie's face and mane came right out. "Were you being a ninja like how you taught the Cutie Mark Crusaders? If so, I have to say, you weren't great: real ninjas never get caught by me and my Pinkie sense... or have they?" "What are YOU doing?" "Wanted to know if you would like to hang out with me, perhaps have a slumber party." "A slumber party? I don't really-" "My sister Maud will be there." "DONE!!!" The two were in Pinkie's room, sitting on the bed together. Before, Pinkie made an arrangement for her and Maud to spend the night together while the cakes & their kids were away on a family vacation. Luckily, Maud agreed and was heading towards their area. On their bed, Deadpool, Pinkie, and Gummy had cards in their hands/hooves (though Gummy seemed to try to eat his cards). "UNO!!!" Deadpool yelled, placing down a queen of hearts "GO FISH!!!" Pinkie yelled, placing down two cards that both had two diamonds. Gummy couched out his cards with a belch. "ROYAL FLUSH!?!?!?" The two yelled, seeing Gummy had a ten, jack, queen, king, and ace all at once. Some knocking was heard below. "I'll get it!!!" Pinkie cheered with glee. "You two get along!!!" In a zip, the pink pony disappeared. Deadpool looked at Gummy and gave him a stern look. "You're luck you're an alligator!!!" Deadpool sneered at the derp eyed reptile "If you were a pony, I'd throw you out of this casino!!!" Gummy bit onto Deadpool's face, holding himself on as Deadpool got up and tried to yank him off. This alligator, despite not having any teeth, held on quite well. Deadpool continued to yank him off, but Gummy held on very tight. Pinkie ran down the stairs and opened the door: a Persian bluish gray coated with a grayish blue violet mane & tail earth pony stood there. She had a dress that was dark blue all over, had a black belt around her waist area, covering the rest of her body and cutie mark. "MAUD!!!" Pinkie exclaimed, hugging her sister, who gave the same disinterested face & hallway closed eyes. "Hello Pinkie," Maud replied sounding both relaxed and bored. "you know this isn't part of our tradition, right?" "I do!!! I just want you to meet my new friend, DEADPOOL!!!" "...Sounds dangerous." "He is! He's the most dangerous thing we've ever meet!!! He unalived Tirek with a clean swipe from his sword. "I can still hear you!!!" Tirek's voice yelled. The two looked, as, with broken glass around, the decapitated head of Tirek lied on the floor, staring at the two. "I HATE IT DOWN HERE!!! Help me kill Deadpool and I will gladly make you my number 2 when Equestria is mine!!!" "AUGH!!! ZOMBIE!!!" Pinkie ran to the head and football kicked Tirek out of the same hole he entered, flying through space until... well, another time, we'll meet him again. "Was that Tirek?" Maud asked, having some concern in her voice "Oh, him? Yeah, but don't worry, he's no problem to us! How is he alive, though?" "GET OFF ME!!!" Deadpool's voice yelled across the house, followed by a large crash. "Is that Deadpool?" Maud asked "It is!" Pinkie responded "Give me a moment!!!" She ran to her room and opened the door: She immediately backed up, seeing Deadpool run into a wall, having Gummy still on his face!!! For some weird reason, Deadpool knocked into a record player and Ram Jam's "Black Betty" began to play. Pinkie rapidly began to run everywhere, trying to help Deadpool get Gummy off his face, but Wade Wilson kept running around wildly, not even knowing what was going on (though, he never paid much attention to anything). Maud walked in and saw the madness, as Deadpool fell the the floor, running on the floor as if he were Homer Simpson doing his 'Whooping'. Silently, but focused, she pulled out her pet rock, a pebble named 'Boulder', and threw it. Deadpool got up and Boulder ricocheted of Deadpool's head, bounced off the ceiling, and landed right back in Maud's front pocket. Deadpool fell to the floor, unconscious. "Good Boulder." Maud spoke to her pebble, pulling it out of her pocket and petting it "GUMMY!!!" Pinkie yelled. She ran over and pulled Gummy off, leaving a trail of saliva that traveled from Deadpool's face to Gummy's mouth. "Mister! How many timed do I have to tell you: NO BITING GUESTS!!!" Gummy stared into deep space. "Giving me the silent treatment, eh? We'll discuss what to do with you in the morning, but for now, it's time or you to sleep!!!" Pinkie carried the toothless alligator into the room where the twins slept in and placed Gummy in one of the cribs. She returned to her room, seeing Maud staring at Deadpool as he snorted in his sleep. "Did I do something wrong?" Maud asked "Oh, you didn't. Hang on, I know a way to wake him up." She disappeared and zipped downstairs for a little bit. Maud on curious what Deadpool really looked like, she slowly walked around and saw his 'face'. She could see lose flaps on an otherwise tight costume, making Maud even more curious. The pony lifted Deadpool's mask off and saw his hideous face!!! Her eyes opened and widened a bit, but she didn't scream, and lowered the mask back down. Pinkie came in with a fresh taco. "What's that for?" "It's Deadpool's favorite!!!" Pinkie lowered the taco to Deadpool's face. His 'eyes' opened with a snort, making Maud back up a bit, and Deadpool grabbed the taco and slammed it over his 'mouth', trying to eat the precious snack. "DAMN YOU MASK!!!" He yelled. He removed the lower part of his mask and began to noisily eat it, almost like if he were a pig. "Does he eat like that?" Maud asked "You know," Pinkie replied "I've never seen him eat before. This is just his reaction to tacos." "Sorta like you and cupcakes?" Deadpool finished his taco with a swallow and looked up. His eyes widened, his vision went all pink, and he could see hearts around his and the Bronies' Waifu: Maud Pie! Ooh!!! I'll play that cliched saxophone love song!!! I'm singing with it. Deadpool, without any warning, tackled Maud and the two teleported away! They landed right on Sugarcube Corner's roof, as Deadpool held onto Maud as if he were Tango dancing with her, having his right hand carrying her head "Oh Maud," Deadpool spoke with a french accent "zis is ze greatest moment in my entire LIFE!!! Any Brony would've killed each other just to meet you, but I, on the other hand, have now meet you, Maud Pie." "...I'm flattered." Maud replied, still sounding very bored "Yes! Zat voice!!! So dull, so lifelike, but so... engaging and funny!!!" "...what do you mean?" "Everypony I've meet has been full of energy, but you, you hold back all that energy for important thing." Deadpool's left hand index finger traveled up from her chest to her lips "Now... care for a kiss? I'll gladly take my mask off if requested." "...No." "Alright then!" Deadpool leaned in to take the kiss from a Waifu. If he had landed the kiss, then you guys would complain that he stole your Waifu and became the next Flash Sentry. This isn't the case, however. Maud right hoof extended and punched him across the jaw!!! The pain from Tirek was nothing compared to this pony's force!!! He fell to the floor, but made a 20ft wide crater, both deep and width. Maud jumped from the Rooftop, fell down to Deadpool as if she were a superhero, and began to release a series of punches across his face!!! Deadpool could only see the hooves hitting his face in rapid movements, feeling himself getting a pain far worst than anything in his life and felt the temperatures rising. That's when he figured that Maud was punching so many times with so much force, they were boring themselves across the center of Equestria's core!!! A huge punch was made, and the two flew across the air, at least five feet in the sky. A bunch of Griffons were around them , gasping at how they appeared. HEY LOOK!!! GRIFFONS!!! That's nice, but we're getting our a** kicked by Maud. They disappeared in almost a blink of an eye, as Maud released another series of punches that was like the first series of punches. Pinkie came out of Sugar cube corner, only to see Maud breach the ground with Deadpool over her head, and slamming him into the floor, making a smaller crater only half of the first she made with Deadpool. All of Deadpool's bones were broken, he lied on the floor, twitched all over the place, and he only wheezed in pain. "What happened?" Pinkie asked "Deadpool was trying to seduce me." Maud replied "So I had to defend myself. He told me that there are ponies like him that love me for who I am, all because I'm not like any other pony." "Aww. That's so sweet!!!" "...what do you mean?" "You have a chance to find your special somepony on Hearts and Hooves day!!!" "...How is that good?" "Love." Deadpool replied. Maud turned around and Deadpool stood right back up, wiping dirt on his costume but looked unharmed. "Isn't that what moves the earth around? That... plus cash... and Celestia moving the sun... and Gravitational pulls... and-" "We get it." Pinkie interrupted, now sounding a bit annoyed from Deadpool. Deadpool froze and stared with fear. "In case you haven't noticed," Maud spoke "I'm not trying to find love. I already have a family, and that's good enough for me." "Ah!" Deadpool replied. "But I have Someone you'll definitely love!!!" Deadpool looked into his pocket and pulled out a picture. He handed it to Maud, and she looked at it: it was an orange, rock humanoid looking character with blue shorts on that had a 4 on it's belt. Maud's eyes widened and she smiled! "Who is this?" "That's Ben Grimm, or, as my friends call him 'The Thing'!!!" "What type of rock is he?" "...I don;t f***ing know." "... can you take me to him?" "Uh... not really. I'm stuck here and, until somepony finds a way for me to go home, I'm stuck here." "Well... when you go, can you take me with you?" "...Sure." "YES!!!" Pinkie and Deadpool froze and gasped. Maud covered her mouth and blushed, followed by a chuckle "Sorry, he just... intrigues me." "I'm sure he does. Hopefully, the reboot he'll be in won't suck as much as those original 2 movies he was in." "...What?" "SELFIE!!!" "OOH!!!" Pinkie Yelled "Maud! Take a selfie with Deadpool!" "...Alright Pinkie," Maud replied, going back to her regular voice "only for you." Deadpool landed next to Maud "SAY 'ROCKS!!!'" "Rock." the picture was taken. Deadpool got up and hugged Maud. "How are you up so quickly, by the way?" "I have super quick healing." "...that explains that then." "My question: what is your favorite genre of music?" "...Smooth Jazz." Deadpool froze in place. He fell to the floor as if he were statue. "think I should get another taco?" Pinkie asked "...nah. He'll be just fine." The sisters left Deadpool outside as they reentered Sugercube corner. A lone figure walked over to the stiff Deadpool and dragged him away from the scene. Author's Note Become a Paetron here!!! https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino?ty=c Become a Fan of Deadpool and ask him any question here!!! https://www.facebook.com/pages/Deadpool-In-Equestria/774066309345002 If you're wondering, yes, the Deadpool & Gummy was a bit of a parody to TMNT (Nolan North reasons). [youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?annotation_id=annotation_3587675433&feature=iv&src_vid=Ij7SBz8xYuY&v=nXwR8CDA8PY] I'm pretty sure most of us don't know that sax love song's title, but this is an example of what it is: Doomsday approved: Who should Deadpool meet next?
The Ship has Sailed!!! Pony #49: Screwball.Deadpool laid on the floor, sleeping with his eyes open. Most people and ponies would find this weird and, in many other ways, frightening. He was, unbeknownst to him, in the middle of the Everfree forest, where a mysterious pony figure stood, watching him. The pony took his phone and navigated through the pictures. Deadpool's sight came back and he saw, though a silhouette, a pony looking through his phone. "HEY!!!" Deadpool yelled. The pony screamed and vanished in thin air, leaving only his phone behind. the phone landed on the floor roughly, not cracking though, and Deadpool saw the selfie he took with Discord before they sung Abba's 'Dancing Queen'. "I'm sorry for that," a young woman's voice spoke "It's that... you look a lot like that woman." "Who are you?" "I'm Screwball. Who are you?" "Name's Deadpool!" "Deadpool? Strange... but than again, aren't we all a little strange?" "What are you doing?" "Well... I got lost from my parents... I'm alone and tired, but I need to find my family! I heard there was a human in Equestria. Is that you?" "Yeah. Why?" "Well... that woman... do you know where she's at?" "...That was me." "...What?" "That woman was me!" "...Really? So... who is the female draconequus?" "That? Nah, he turned into a woman like me! We both wanted to be fabulous and-" "YOU KNOW MY FATHER!?!?!?" "...Father!?!?!?" "Yeah!!! You know, Discord: my father, ruler of chaos, bringer of Disharmony!!!" "...Show yourself!!!" A small swirl appeared in the sky, and out came the supposed same pony that was looking through his phone: it was a mare with a pink coat, a swirly & poofy mane with white & purple stripes, and a cutie mark with both a screw & a baseball. She had on a yellow & orange hat with green propeller on top, but the most weirdest feature was that her eyes' pupils weren't like any other pony's, but they were pink & purple spirals. "Please, I need to find my daddy!" "...ok... how are you exactly Discord's daughter? Have any proof?" "...Alright, what do you enjoy?" "Well... I'm in the mood for some tacos." Screwball extend her hoof out and two tacos appeared right out of thin air! "Did... you just summon tacos out of nowhere!?!?!?" "It's chaos magic. Since you spend some time with my father, you've seen that he can control anything and anyone while breaking the laws of physics, right?" "Oh yeah... but... i he's your father, then who's your mom?" "My mom? Well, it's a bit weird, but... well... her name... is Fluttershy." Deadpool stared blankly NNNNNOOOOO!!!!! How can it work!?!?!? She looks so... normal!!! Deadpool fell to his knees. "Do you need some help?" Screwball asked "... yeah." Deadpool responded "Can... you make a spotlight over me and summon a piano?" "Uh... sure." Screwball was able to form clouds around Deadpool, making a perfect circle, surrounding Deadpool in a spotlight made from the moon.She summoned a piano and Deadpool got onto a seat with a tree stump & played a note with a microphone near him. "♫I open my eyes, I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light, I can't remember how, I can't remember why I'm lying here tonight. And I can't stand the pain. And I can't make it go away, No I can't stand the pain. How could this happen to me!?!?!?!? I made my mistakes!!! I've got no where to run!!! The night goes on as I'm fading away!!! I'm sick of this life, I just wanna scream. How could this happen to me!?!?!? Everybody's screaming. I try to make a sound but no one hears me. I'm slipping off the edge, I'm hanging by a thread, I wanna start this over again. So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered and I can't explain what happened, and I can't erase the things that I've done... No I can't. How could this happen to me!?!?!? I made my mistakes!!! I've got no where to run!!! The night goes on as I'm fading away!!! I'm sick of this life, I just wanna scream.How could this happen to me!?!?!?♫" Screwball summoned an electric guitar and began to play with him, though she was more happy than how he was. "♫I made my mistakes!!!♫" She sang along with Deapool "♫I've got no where to run!!! The night goes on as I'm fading away!!! I'm sick of this life, I just wanna scream. How could this happen to me!?!?!?♫" The clouds went back to their natural ways, with a tear jerked Luna watching from a cloud above. "That..." Luna commented "Was beautiful!!!" "If you enjoyed that," Deadpool responded, going from sad to happy all of the sudden "try listening to 'Lincoln Park'!!! They're Emo as f**k!!!" "I... will, Deadpool. Say, who is that... flying... earth pony.. with you?" "I'm Screwball, Luna." Screwball responded "Don't you remember?" "I... can't tell." "My daddy is Discord." Luna froze with a blank stare. "Celestia helps us all." Her horn glowed and she disappeared "What's up with her today?" "I don't really know," Deadpool responded "but there are other ponies who don't really fit right after I came here." "...think it's a cross dimensional thing?" "...I don't know. Want to find your dad?" Screwball tackled Deadpool and yelled with glee. "YES!!! DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE'S AT!?!?!?" "WHOAH!!! Calm down there, little Pony. Just follow me and we'll meet your dad in no time... that is... if you can catch up." "...What do you-" Deadpool teleported into one of the trees "Come on! Catch up!!!" "Teleportation!?!?!? PERFECT!!!" Screwball began to fly & teleport the area, following Deadpool, who teleported from tree to tree and did some gymnastic moves on the branches. After a good few minutes of tree running, the two were at Fluttershy's cottage. "Is my daddy here?" Screball asked "...most likely." Deadpool responded "What do you mean by 'most likely'?" "If he's not here, then another pony will be here." "Wait, do you mean-" Before Screwball could ask, Deadpool knocked on the door a couple of times. The door opened and Fluttershy answered, eyes halfway closed and her mane a bit messed up. "Deadpool?" Fluttershy asked, taking in a deep yawn "It's awfully late for you to-" "MOMMY!!!" Screwball yelled. She went inside and gave Fluttershy a huge hug, which snorted the pegasus from her half sleep. "Mommy?" "Where's daddy!?!?!?" "Daddy?" "Yeah! Discord!!!" "Wait... slow down. Are you saying... I'm your mother?" "Yeah!" "And... Discord is your father?" "Yeah!!!" "Wait... that means... Discord and I got married... had a child... and it was... you?" "YEAH!!!" Fluttershy stared at the filly, then fainted. Screwball went to Fluttershy and shoved her a bit "Mommy!!! Are you hurt?" "What's all the commotion about?" Discord's voice shook the place. A while light appeared, and Discord came in, wearing a bath robe & slippers that look liked Angel's face. "Deadpool! What a pleasant surprise. And... who is this?" "DADDY!!!" Screball flew up to Discord and surrounded her hooves around his thin, but tall body. Discord stared with a look filled with confusion. "Daddy?" "Dad! Don't you remember: it's me, Screwball, your daughter!!!" "D-d-daughter!?!?!?" He turned to Deadpool. "I don't really know." Deadpool replied "it turns out, you and Fluttershy got married and have this kid." "We're m-m-married!?!?!?" "Don't you remember?" Screwball asked "You held the three princesses hostage, demanded a bride, and mommy came along to be your bride! It didn't start off well, but you two eventually found love and got married, having me!" Discord stared at her, then he too, fainted. Screwball levitated around, poking her father's face, only to hear him grumble a bit. "Why is everypony fainting? "I have no idea." Deadpool responded, taking out his camera. "want to take a selfie?" "is that the pictures you took with my father?" "yeah!" "... I don't see why not." The two got close together and took a selfie, with the unconscious bodies of Discord and Fluttershy in the background. "what should I do with my parents?" "...Eh. Try taking things slow, reintroduce yourself, spend some family time together, all that good stuff." "But what will you do?" Deadpool looked around the place. "I think I can sleep on the couch. You?" "With my parents." "Sounds good. I'll leave first thing in the morning, leaving you all alone, okay?" "That sounds good." Screwball levitated her parents over to Fluttershy's bed upstairs, where Screwball placed herself in between her, supposed, amnesiac parents. Deadpool teleported onto the couch and began to lie down. He felt something tug his tangling foot. Looking down, he saw Angel, angrily punching his foot. Without a word, Deadool punted the rabbit, sending it flying out of an open window. Justice has been served. F***ing Angel Bunny. Author's Note CURSE YOU FLUTTERCORD SHIP FICS!!! If you're reading this, DisneyFanatic, don't worry, I'm not hating your taste, I'm speaking for Deadpool as Discord stole his Waifu (surprisingly, not Flash Sentry) Check out Fanatic's 'Daughter of Discord' to understand more about Screwball's life, the sequel to 'Bride of Discord' where Discord and Fluttershy are in a scenario similar to 'Beauty and the Beast': http://www.fimfiction.net/story/125653/daughter-of-discord Become a Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino Become a fan of Deadpool here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Deadpool-In-Equestria/774066309345002?ref=hl
WTF!?!?!? Wtf creature#1: Kul'asDeadpool woke up after some light landed on his face multiple times. He snorted himself awake to see that he was in the Canterlot train with the Mane 6 (except for Fluttershy) "Oh good," Twilight spoke with a panicked voice "you're awake!" Deadpool stared at them for a good few minutes before placing his head on his chair. "Five more minutes." Deadpool spoke. He felt a hard slap across his face and saw that it was Applejack who slapped him. "No can do." Applejack replied "We got ourselves a bit in a pickle that we're sure you can handle." "...Alright. Who do I have to kill?" "Kill!?!?!?" Pinkie asked with fear "Oh, sorry, I mean, who do I have to... un-alive?" "How barbaric of you for saying that!" Rarity exclaimed "We just need to lure a creature from Canterlot. That is all!" "...Really? I need to lure a creature away from Canterlot?" "It's no ordinary creature," Twilight explained "if we had Fluttershy with us, she might tell what the creature is and the best way to safely take it away from Canterlot." "Then why have me do this!?!?!?" "Many reasons: your super healing abilities, your knowledge in combat & various other... things, and, if it really needs to, able to kill without remorse." "... Fine. Where is this creature in Canterlot?" "I last saw it in the canterlot gardens," Rainbow Dash answered "Maybe it's still there, or, we hope not, is in the streets causing havoc." the train went into a complete stop, followed by some hissing made from the engines. Deadpool teleported away, landing on top of the ticket station, seeing Canterlot in the distance. He teleported away again, this time, going onto the streets. A wave of Soldiers sprinted by him, not even taking note of a human in spandex with a mask on. Deadpool jumped into the air and landed on one of the soldier's back. "WHAT THE-!?!?!?" The soldier asked, looking at Deadpool on his back "Relax," Deadpool reassured "what's happening? Why are all of you guards sprinting like it's Black Friday at Wal-Mart?" "There's a creature attacking the princess!!!" "Celestia?" "YES!!!" "Ah! But what are YOU all going to do?" "We plan to surround it & take it down." "...nice plan, but it won't work." "What do you-" "Let me handle this." Deadpool got up onto his feet, still on the guard's back, and looked ahead. They were heading towards the Canterlot castle, but still not close enough. Alright... Canterlot is just a nice stroll from here. We can teleport to the front and- NO N****A!!! Assassin's Creed this b***h!!! Deadpool began to sprint ahead, landing his feet on every guard's head, who released a 'What the-!?!?!?', looking to See Deadpool running on each of their heads as if he did this multiple times. Deadpool sprinted for a couple of minutes, and was close to Canterlot. He jumped into the air and grabbed a pegasus guard by his tail. He swung himself a bit and, after a couple of seconds, released the guard's tail, flipped in the air a couple of time, and landed on the balcony where Celestia looks through every day to raise the sun. "AND HE STICKS THE LANDING!!!" Deadpool announced. "Now to find that creature!" He stopped as he heard some screaming in the next room. Deadpool opened the door, not really knowing what was going on. Inside, he found the creature: it was almost pure black, had six legs, a crocodile like mouth & tail, purple eyes, and what looks likes a samurai helmet on it's head. With it, was Celestia as she screamed for help, as the creature was trying to... oh... "WHAT!?!?!? WHAT THE F**K!?!?!?" the creature turned to him and saw Deadpool. Celestia kicked the creature off and ran away into another room. "Great!!!" the creature yelled "I was having fun. Perhaps... you can work." Deadpool backed up. "Bad Touch! BAD TOUCH!!! Stranger Danger!!!" "Allow me to introduce myself: I am Kul'as." Deadpool pulled a chair for protection. "I don't give a f**k who you are, nor what you are, but I'm gonna F**k you up!!!" "I'd love that!" "NOT LIKE THAT!!!" Deadpool charged at Kul'as, and he charged! They both went close, and- Coming soon to theaters... from the minds of Madgamer1228 and MrAquino, presents to you: Adventures in Equestria: The Quest for the lost art! Join their O.C.s after the Season 2 finale, Madgamer's Mad the Unicorn (a blank flank adult white unicorn with a red-brown ungroomed mane) and MrAquino's Strongheart the Alicorn (a light brown alicorn with a short black mane & tail, White workhorse hooves, wears black square glasses, and has a cute mark of a heart made out of iron) two best friends since Magic kindergarden, must find a way to make a barrier that will protect all of Equestria from the wrath of the Changelings!!! With the help of Twilight Sparkle, Spike the Dragon, and Strongheart's little brother, Showoff (a green pegasus colt with a brown, somewhat unkept but still groomed mane with a cutie mark resemble a single gold bar), must recreate an artifact that can hep them on their quest. Filled with tons of action: "GET DOWN!!!" Mad yelled as he shot a single blue bolt at a ducking Twilight, hitting a changeling that was attacking her. "There's too many of them!!!" Strongheart yelled, grabbing a changeling and throwing it into a crowd. Filled with Drama: "GET OUTTA HERE!!!" Strongheart yelled, holding the boulder up with his back. "No!" Showoff yelled, going to his brother's face. "I'm not leaving you!" "GO!!! I want you to survive!!!" "You're hiding something from us!!!" Mad yelled to Strongheart!!! "WHAT IS IT!?!?!?" "I'M IN LOVE!!!" Strongheart snapped back at his best friend. Filled with heart: "Twilight," Mad spoke shyly with his ears down. "I just wanted to say that... well... I-" "Eugene!!!" Twilight yelled "LOOK!!!" Mad looked down and saw that, a flash appeared on his flank area: He finally got his cutie mark!!! "Will I ever see you again?" a mysterious figure in a hood asked in a woman's voice to the Alicorn stallion. "Why don't you join us?" he asked "Oh... but... mother-" "She's not here with us. You can control your destiny now." He leaned over to the figure. "What are you-?" "I know this is weird, but... here, this is called a 'kiss'. He leaned his head in and kissed the hooded figure. The figure stiffened, as her hood rose up, revealing that it had wings. Adventures in Equestria: The Quest for the lost art!!! Both Applejack and Rainbow Dash sat on a bench, as Applejack read a magazine and Dashie read another Daring Do book. Applejack froze and looked at a Geico ad. "Huh," A.J. spoke, observing the ad "15 minutes can save you 15% or more on car insurance?" "Everyone knows that." Rainbow Dash replied, flipping to another page. "Well... Did you know Derpy is actually smarter than she looks?" Rainbow's ears perked up and turned to her best friend. "What?" Twilight and Derpy sat on a table together with chess pieces on a black & white board. Twilight breathed hard, trying to figure out how her next move will go. She used her magic and moved a rook two places over. Derpy simply moved a knight to another area. "Checkmate." Derpy simply said. Twilight released a cry of despair: she had lost to a pegasus with awkward looking eyes! Muffins rained down on Derpy as she did a victory dance in her seat. Geico: 15 minutes can save you 15% or more on car insurance. From the Producers of 'Man of Steel', and the original producers of 'Superman' 1 & 2, under the direction of MrAquino, gives you the next image of MLP-Superheroes: Super-Mare!!! Celesti-Al, daughter of Jor-Al, and the last of her kind, must save the city of Maretropolis and all of Equestria from the Evil hooves of Lex 'Filthy Rich' Luthor. With the action of Man of Steel, but with the kind, light hearted, & nostalgic feeling of the original two Superman movies, brings the middle road that both fans should enjoy without much complaint on (by most, some Parasprites will be in the crowd). She must use all her courage, strength, & powers to stop Lex Luthor's plans in destroying the world and, after a freak accident, must battle against General Zod: a self proclaimed Dictator from her destroyed home planet that was banished to the Phantom Zone, along with his two assistants: Ursa, his brains, and Nod, his brawn, will stop at nothing to take her down!!! SUPER-MARE!!! Deadpool returned to the others, taking deep breaths. The castle had hole in it, but it's nothing the citizens can't help fix on. "Deadpool!!!" Twilight yelled, running towards him "What happened? Where did the creature go!?!?!?" "He won't be back for a long time." Deadpool responded "Plus, that Selfie was so weird at that dance club." "What happened?" "You don't want to know." "Whatever it was," Celestia spoke "Thank you Deadpool, I am eternally grateful." "No problem, Sun Butt... just.. give me a minute." He fell to his back and fell asleep. "Sun butt? Oh well... I must say, he is rather adorable when he sleeps." "...Really?" Twilight asked "Oh yes!" "...Weird, even by your standards... no offense, your majesty." "It's alright, Twilight. I'll call for him when something like that happens again." "I'm pretty sure we'll get that." she turned to Deadpool, who snored loudly. "That snoring though!!!" Author's Note Become a Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino Become a Fan: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Deadpool-In-Equestria/774066309345002?ref=hl Who should Deadpool meet next? If you're wondering, I made this a bit before the Super Bowl, but I couldn't post it due to lack of internet connection and the game itself. And yes, I saw the MLP cameo appearance in the 'Cheer for teams' commercial. Nearly everyone stared at me when the ponies came on. I figured they'd cheer for the colts: ponies celebrate pony related things, after all, right?
Bronies have now joined. Pony #50: ILoveKimPossibleALotDeadpool woke up, seeing that it was now in the middle of the afternoon. Wow!!! You are such a Lazy a**!!! I don't really think so: We battled against... whatever the hell that thing was! "I agree," Deadpool said to himself "and I can't believe we distracted that thing to get a selfie with it!" How did that go exactly? Well, you see, after we clashed into each other, we- A loud banging was heard from a door nearby. Deadpool stared at the door, not really sure what to do with it. Are we inside? Vice Versa. ...I don't get it. Ugh, it means we're outside, and whoever is in there is inside their home. Do you not see the sky!?!?!? Well Excuse me, Princess!!! The door knocked even harder & louder, bulging the door a bit. "Alright!" A woman's voice was heard, though muffled, inside the house. "This calls for EXTREME MEASURES!!!" Deadpool teleported onto a nearby tree, looking down at the house. The house's door busted wide open, as a pony emerged from the inside of the house. It was a light blue pegasus mare with a long, brown mane & tail with yellow highlights with a cutie mark of three white cards, each having the same red haired smiling woman as, from left to right, one had a regular smile, one was winking, and the other showed it's teeth in her smile. "So... I'm now in Equestria!?!?!?" the pegasus asked herself "Oh man! This is awesome!!!" She looked down at herself and squeaked at her hooves. "I'M MY O.C.!!! How the hell did this happen!?!?!? Are the others alright!?!?!? Why can't I be teleported to the Kim Possible universe instead of- Wait! That's it!!! I can finally meet him!!! I hope Senpai notices me!!!" Very cartoon like, her wings lifted her up as she dreamed of meeting her Senpai. Unbeknownst to her, Deadpool was above, watching her act very cartoon like. "Who the hell is that?" Deadpool asked himself I think we've seen her somewhere before. That's one of the famous Bronies (or Pegasisters, in her case, for being a female). Her username is "ILoveKimPossibleALot", for being a fan of Disney Channel's Animated spy show, Kim Possible. Alright, Bozo! Tell us, who does she mean by her Senpai!?!?!? That would go to one of two characters: Either Mr. John DeLancie himself or, more likely in our case, Discord himself. "A Discord fan, eh?" Deadpool asked himself in an Australian accent "Well, it looks like we got ourselves a Brony to hunt down!!!" Pegasister. Same Difference!!! Deadpool teleported away, following KimPossible across Canterlot. The pegasus was surprised at herself for moving quite well, despite being a human for most of her life and this is her first time being, well, anything but a human. "Ok," she spoke to herself "How did I get here in the first place? Think Kim, think! I was planning to make another episode review, thought not really sure who to guest star in it, and I want to join the guys in another "Bronies React to" video. How did I get here?" She thought to herself real hard, not even knowing a human in red spandex stood there, having his junk near the back of her head. "Excuse me Miss," Deadpool spoke in a Super-Man voice like voice "It appears you are lost." She began to turn around, not even knowing she was facing directly at Deadpool's you-know-where area "Yeah, I actually a-OH MY GOD!!! FREAK!!!" She extend one of her hooves up and punched the Merc in his nuts, causing Deadpool to fall not his knees, wheeze hard, and let out a high pitch scream! She backed up a bit and squinted her eyes. "I... am... so sorry... for that!!!" He fell to the side, rolling in pain. "...Hey! I know you!!! You're that random guy from Marvel!!! Deadpool, right!?!?!?" He only shook his head in agreement, fighting back tears of pain. "Okay, I have questions for you: 1) How are you not a pony like me? 2) What are you doing here? 3)Why are you in Equestria? And 4) Why did you do that?" "Give... me a... moment!" Deadpool took a deep breath, and the pain went away. He stop back to his full position and stretched his legs a bit. "Alright, answers, you want 'em?" "Yeah! Anything will help. I need to find-" "Any other Bony and Pegasister???" "...How did you know-" "Eavesdropping. I saw you smash that door to get out. You know, there's doorknobs on them: you can use it. "Well sorry! This is my first time having hooves!" "No worries. Why am I not a pony? I have no f***ing clue to be honest. What am I doing here? I took out some weird creature that made me and the author go WTF on when requested." "Author? Who do you-" Deadpool covered her mouth, muffling her voice. "Ah-ha! Let me answer first." He released Kim, who let out an angered grunt. "Why am I here? Well, I was summoned here by Lyra Heartstrings to be her pet, but Princess Mooncheeks needs me to take a selfie with anypony or thing I encounter during my stay. And finally, why did I do that? Well... the author did it for 'Comedy' and wanted us to meet each other." "I'm... not gonna reply to that." "Oh well, with your questions out of the way, I have one question for you!" "...Alright. What is it?" "Do you wanna meet Discord?" At that moment, Kim's wing went up in a 'Pomf!', her eyes widened, and her mouth opened to a wide smile!!! She began to shake rapidly, followed by super quick hopping around him!!! "OH YES!!! IDOIDOIDOIDOIDOIDOIDO!!! YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS!!! DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE'S AT!?!?!?" She began to fly to Deadpool's face, nearly having her face on his. "Actually, he's behind you." She turned around with excitement "DISCORD!!!" Nothing was there, but the street of Canterlot. She turned back to Deadpool with an angered look. "Hey Buddy!!! Are you messing with me!?!?!?" "NO!!! He's behind you right now!!!" Kim turned around: still nothing around. "Still behind you... sill behind... still behind-" Kim flew around in circles, giving the illusion that she was chasing her tail now! She stopped after a couple of minutes, her eyes out of place, and she tried to steady her balance, dizzy after flying around in circles. She shook her head and growled at Deadpool. "THAT'S IT!!! I'M-" "Why little mistress," Discord's voice spoke really close to her "You must learn not to keep looking forward, but all over the place!!!" Kim froze in place and wondered where Discord was at. Following her advice, she looked up and was greeted with the Master of Chaos, who's face landed on hers, making Kim have a scrunch face. "Hello there!" "D-D-Discord!?!?!?" "In the flesh!" He disappeared and reappeared as a tree "Also in the bark," another and he was a statue "also in the stone", another and he was a glass of water "and in this glass of water!" He reappeared as his normal self, crouching in front of Kim with their faces looking at each other's face. "Discord... I... am... your... BIGGEST FAN!!!" Discord made a look with confusion and surprise mixed together. Off guard, Kim used her front hooves to Grab Discord by his slender neck and hugged him really tight, so tight, Discord's mouth opened and he made a squeak that was heard from a squeaky toy. Both Kim and Discord looked at each other, not really sure what happened. Kim hugged Discord again, and he squeaked again. She had an evil grin across her face and began to hug tightly rapidly, laughing evilly as Discord released a barrage of squeaks!!! Deadpool couldn't help but laugh out loud, falling down onto the floor, seeing Discord being hugged & squeaking loudly, especial from a Discord Fan girl. After a couple minutes of squeaking, Kim released Discord from her grasp and flew up to his face. Discord looked at her with a face of displeasure: in his mind, he wanted to do something to get revenge. Perhaps he could turn her into a squeaky toy and see how she likes being squeaked, perhaps he could teleport her to the moon and let her rot, or, just out of curiosity, he could just turn himself a little bigger and swallow the pegasus whole; who knows, pegasi could taste like chicken. His thoughts disappeared as Kim flew herself to his eyes and, to his surprise, she kissed him on his snout. Kim fainted with a smile, similar to Rarity on certain situations, both with a smile on their faces, though Kim fell to the floor. Discord snapped his finger & summoned a trampoline, where Kim fell onto it and bounced right back up, landing right onto his snout. Her eyes opened, though only halfway, and small hearts seemed to appear all over her. "Oh Discord," she spoke in a dreamy tone "you made a fan the happiest fan in the world! If today were my last, I'll gladly die!!!" "Uh... thanks?" Discord replied, feeling a bit fuzzy inside. "Is there... anything else you'd like to do?" "Hm... actually, there is one." "I think I know what you're going for!" Deadpool spoke below "Really?" "Original by Eurobeat Brony?" "Yep." "Remix?" "Yep." "Living Tombstone?" "Definitely!" "Knew it." "Of course, LET'S GET THIS STARTED!!!" Deadpool pulled out his boom box and pressed the play button. If any of you haven't figured it out yet, the beat to The Living Tombstone's 'Discord' began to play. "♫I'm not a fan of puppeteers, but I've a nagging fear someone else is pulling at the strings!♫" Deadpool sang "♫Something terrible is going down through the entire town, wreaking anarchy and all that it brings!♫" Kim sang "♫I can't sit idly, no I can't move at all!♫" The two sang together "♫I curse the name, the one behind it all... Discord, I'm howling at the moon, and sleeping in the middle of a summer afternoon. Discord, whatever did we do to make you take our world away? Discord, are we your prey alone? Or are we just a stepping stone for taking back the throne? Discord, we won't take it any more, so take your tyranny away!!!♫" The Duo, during the music break between verses, performed a bit of the dance dubbed 'The Tombstone' back home. Discord gave the two a questionable look, but seemed interested. "♫I'm fine with changing status quo, but not in letting go, now the world is being torn apart!♫" Kim sang "♫A terrible catastrophe, played by a symphony, what a terrifying work of art!!!♫" Deadpool sang along "♫I can't sit idly no I can't move at all,♫" they both sang "♫I curse the name, the one behind it all... Discord, I'm howling at the moon!!! And sleeping in the middle of a summer afternoon. Discord, whatever did we do, to make you take our world away? Discord, are we your prey alone? Or are we just a stepping stone for taking back the throne? Discord, we won't take it any more, so take your tyranny away!♫" The two performed the full 'Tombstone' dance, with the addition of Deadpool stemming his legs down & Kim standing on her back legs & stomping with Discord on said back legs. Discord was now so interested that he joined their dancing, but performed a couple of his own dance moves, being the perfect example of how to do the worm and the wave! "♫Discord, I'm howling at the moon!♫" The two sang "That's right!" Discord added quickly "♫And sleeping in the middle of a summer afternoon,♫" "You are!" "♫Discord, whatever did we do, to make you take our world away?♫" "Who Cares!?!?!?" "♫Discord, are we your prey alone?♫" "Maybe!?!?!?" "♫Or are we just a stepping stone for taking back the throne?♫" "Possibly!" "♫Discord, we won't take it any more, so take your tyranny away!♫" The three went into a pose after the final beat dropped. A whole crowd of ponies were around the three as they performed, staring at them, then released a cheer, throwing flowers, candy, and bits at the three! "Aw yeah!" Kim said with pride "That... was... AWESOME!!!" "I know!" Deadpool replied "And considering how I killed Tirek, this is even more awesome!" "Wait! You killed Tirek!?!?!?" "Yep!" "How!?!?!?" "I'll tell you about you friends adventures later on," Discord replied "And thanks for finding somepony who really loves me, even if it was... well... awkward." "You're friends with him!?!?!?" "Yep!" Deadpool responded "Wha- I- um... thank you for leading me to Discord, Deadpool, is there anything I can do in return... minus punching you in the crotch?" B***H!!! Calm down. "There is one," Deadpool responded, taking out his cell phone. "A selfie!!!" "A selfie? Really? ...oh well." She walked over to him as Deadpool slid himself over to her. "Say 'Chaos'!!!" "CHAOS!!!" The picture was taken as the two smiled with a photobombing Discord in the background. Kim saw the picture, waved her head a bit, but had a smile. "Oh Discord... this is why I love you! Say, Deadpool?" "Yep?" "Can... you keep an eye out for the other Bronies around here? I think they may have traveled with me here and may be lost. Be sure they aren't dead, okay?" "Will do!" "Thanks. Discord! Wait up!!!" She ran and followed a floating Discord on top of a cotton candy cloud. Looks like our adventure got longer Who are the other popular Bronies on the internet? "We'll know when we see 'em! Come on, we gotta find a place to sleep in, hopefully, we won't be interrupted by some other WTF creature." Author's Note Become a fan here!!! https://www.facebook.com/pages/Deadpool-In-Equestria/774066309345002?ref=hl Become a Patreon here!!! https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino If any of you were wondering, it is a reverse squeak from this funny short: Discord Song by Tombstone! And this is how you do the Tombstone: ILoveKimPossibleALot, if you're reading this, I hope you're happy with your interaction with Discord. https://www.youtube.com/user/ILoveKimPossibleAlot Who should Deadpool meet next?
NO SCHOOL!!! Pony #51: Sunset ShimmerDeadpool teleported himself away, back into Ponyville. The hoots from owls, screeches of bats, and the glow from the moon caused his eyes to become heavy. Soon, he fell asleep, falling on a table, not even caring if he looked like a hobo or not. Thanks to his time sleeping with rats in the sewers, hobos on the streets, and the Sentinels in wherever the f**k they came from, Deadpool slept through the night with ease in an uncomfortable position that had his butt in the air, his legs twisted around his head, his arms dangling over the sides, and half of his face covered with splinters. His dream was, yet again, had Luna in it, but she stopped as she saw this madness with Deadpool & his two selves singing this: "Hello?" a woman's voice asked. Deadpool snorted himself awake. "Look Luna," Deadpool murmured half asleep "I know Steven Magnet is gay, but he's so fabulous that way... like me." "I'm not Luna. I'm not really sure how I got back here from Canterlot high." Deadpool's eyes widened, as he snorted himself awake, seeing, right in front of him, a unicorn mare with an amber coat, and a Vivid Crimson mane with yellow stripes that looked like fire. "Did you Say 'Canterlot High'?" "Yes. Allow me to introduce myself: I'm Sunset Shimmer." Deadpool teleported himself standing up, but also carrying Sunset in his arms. "HOLY S**T!!! SUNSET MOTHER F***ING SHIMMER!!!" "Uh... Do I know you?" "No. But I know you! Sunset Shimmer: once the proud student of P.C. for the illuminati, but wished to gain power & tried to fight her, but was banished to the not so human but still human world!" "...how do you-?" "Let me finish. You came back to steal Twilight Sparkleoo's tiara for yourself to gain power, in three days, you took back the crown and became a demon that made everyone a zombie at the fall formal dance, but you were defeated!" "Please... don't remind me of that." "Ah! but in the days to come, you transformed from being a complete b***h to the woman that, though people were hesitant on, you turned into a good guy greg and, after some problem with the Dazzlers, you saved the world with Twilight & her friends!!!" Deadpool hugged the unicorn tightly, and Sunset couldn't help but feel a bit better, knowing this strange creature knew him, but seemed to like her now. "Oh Sunset! If it makes you feel better... I can kill your old Boyfriend 'Flash Sentry'!" YES!!! YES!!! DO IT!!! DO IT FOR AMERICA!!! We're Canadian!!! "WHAT!?!?!?" Sunset yelled "No! I'm not going to do that! It was me being the jerk, not him! He deserves Twilight, and, though personally, I actually would like to see the two together." "...Really?" "Really." "Oh." silence fell between the two. "I haven't got your name yet." "Oh! The name's Deadpool!" "Deadpool?" "Yep!" "That's... interesting. Did you come from the mirror like me?" "Uh... no. If I did, then I'd be a pony like you." "Hm... good point there. How did you get here?" "Some crazy unicorn named Lyra summoned me here." "And... that's it?" "Pretty much." "Oh... how long have you been here?" "A couple of days." "Hm... how is it here?" "Well, with Tirek as a decapitated head now, I'd say it's..." Deadpool pulled out a pair of sunglasses and placed them over his eyes "20% cooler." A loud 'yeah!' played behind him. "...Did you say that you killed Lord Tirek?" "Eeyup!" "But... I thought nothing could harm him, according to legend & old books in the Canterlot library." "Oh please: Twilight beat the s**t out of him after losing her home & all her books and I personally killed him to avenge all she had loss! The Brony Fanbase loves me for it now!!! Isn't that right, Bronies!?!?!?" "...Okay. Listen, can you-" "Deadpool!" Twilight's voice was heard. The two turned and saw the purple alicorn walking towards them. "there you are! Listen, I just want to give you my thanks in getting rid of that awful creature a- SUNSET SHIMMER!?!?!?" "TWILIGHT!!!" Sunset jumped out of Deadpool's arms and hugged her friend. D'awww.... I hate to admit, but they look cuter here than in the 'human' world. "How did you get here!?!?!?" Twilight asked after Sunset was done hugging her. "That... I'm not exactly sure really." Sunset replied "I wasn't doing anything interesting, nor was there something special planned at Canterlot High, I just sorta... poof! Here!" "That is strange. Come on, I think we can take you back to Canterlot high." "Hold on just a minute!" Deadpool exclaimed "You meet each other and you IMMEDIATELY find a way to take her back there!?!?!?" "It's nothing bad, Mr. Deadpool," Sunset replied "it's that, I've gotten use over there really. I made some good friends over there and, well, I don't want to lose it. That, and, well, Celestia may not be too hype on seeing me back here." "Come on," Twilight spoke "thanks to my machine home, it should take you back over there." The three made their way to Twilight's new castle. Along the way, Deadpool told the two about his adventures, though, being the charmer he was, changed a couple of things such as how he meet many mares in a fancy tuxedo with long, luscious hair that would give Fabio an inferiority complex. Sunset herself was surprised at the new castle, but was really surprised as the sight of Nyx and how she acts like she knows Twilight for some time, even tough Twilight herself is just getting to know the small Alicorn that looks very similar to Nightmare Moon. Spike took Nyx away to another room, leaving the three alone with the mirror in their contraption. Twilight activated the machine, opening the portal to the human world. "Goodbye Twilight," Sunset spoke, hugging her friend "Hope to see you soon. And Goodbye Deadpool, you were interesting." She hugged his leg before going into the mirror world. "WAIT!!!" Deadpool yelled , pulling out his phone. In slow motion, Sunset placed her front hoof into the mirror world "*In best slow motion voice* We need a selfie!!!" Deadpool fell to the step and Sunset placed her front hoof onto the mirror. Repeat, she placed her hoof ON the mirror, so she didn't go in. Sunset tapped the glass, wondering what's going on. "Um... give it more of a push?" Twilight suggested. Sunset began to push herself into the mirror, but nothing happened. "What the-!?!?!?" Sunset yelled "Why can't I go back!?!?!?" "I have no idea." Twilight walked to the mirror and placed her hoof on it, not entering as well. "This... is strange." "What am I going to do now!?!?!?" "...I have an idea!!!" Deadpool spoke. The two looked at Deadpool in pure curiosity. Two hours later: Deadpool, Sunset, Twilight, Nyx, and Spike all sat down together, eating from a pile of tacos. "These tacos are delicious!!!" Nyx exclaimed "They are," Sunset agreed, having a mouthful in her mouth. "but, how does that help me?" "Oh... that." Deadpool said, realizing how stupid this joke is that I made for all of them to be in. "Spike! Take a letter!" "Right!" Spike replied, pulling out a quill & letter. Another two hours later along with Twilight and Nyx holding Sunset down. "come on," Spike spoke, calming Sunset down "relax. It's not like she can banish you twice." "I don't know, Spike," Sunset replied, shaking hard "it's been so long! I-I-I have no idea what to say to her!" "In that case then," Deadpool spoke, living his right arm in the air "this calls for me secret weapon!!!" "...Secret weapon? What secret weaaaaaaahhhh... Hmmmmmm...." Deadpool began to scratch behind Sunset's ear, calming the unicorn down and making her feel relaxed. Her back right leg began to kick along with the sound of her purring a bit. Twilight and Nyx heard the door knock a bit, and the two answered it. Standing in front of the door was Celestia herself, with no guards or her sister present "Is it true?" Celestia asked. "It is." Twilight replied with a bow. "...Come with me." Nyx hopped onto Twilight's back, as she began to follow her mentor. They entered the room Sunset was in, but stopped and watched as Deadpool was ticking her belly. "Goochy Goo!!!" Deadpool mocked playfully as he tickled the unicorn! "NO!!!" Sunset yelled with laughter "Stop!!! STAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAP!!!" "Uh... guys," Spike said "Celestia's here." The two gasped, as Deadpool teleported himself standing upright and Sunset hastily stood up, falling onto her front side before trying to stand upright herself. "Sunset Shimmer." Celestia spoke, walking towards the unicorn. Sunset squeaked in response and slowly backed up, only to be pushed forward by Spike and Deadpool's foot. The two were now only a feet away from each other. "P-P-Princess C-celsti-ia." Sunset stuttered "I'm... I'm-" "Sunset Shimmer: for all that you've done back then, for your search for power, and how you treated Twilight & her friends, I have one thing to say... I forgive you." "W-what!?!?!?" "I forgive you, Sunset." The unicorn teared up a bit and ran to Celestiq hugging the Princess onto her chest and crying hard. Celestia used her wings to cover her up, almost like if they were arms around the unicorn. "I'm so sorry!!! I'm sorry, Celestia!!!" "Don't worry, Twilight has told me how you've changed drastically, and that's all I need." "Does... that mean I'm no longer banished?" Celestia held her hoof, lifting Sunset's head up by her chin. "Absolutely." the unicorn teared up again and wept hard, but having a smile on her face. Some music began to play, and they all turned to Deadpool, who had a guitar for some weird reason and played the theme to 'The Breakfast Club'. "♫Hey, hey, hey ,hey!♫" Deadpool sang "♫Ohhh... Won't you come see about me? I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby. Tell me your troubles and doubts, giving me everything inside and out and love's strange so real in the dark, think of the tender things that we were working on. Slow change may pull us apart when the light gets into your heart, baby. Don't You Forget About Me, Don't Don't Don't Don't Don't You Forget About Me... Will you stand above me? Look my way, never love me? Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling Down, down, down. Will you recognise me? Call my name or walk on by? Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling Down, down, down, down. Hey, hey, hey, hey!!! Ohhhh..... Don't you try to pretend, It's my feeling we'll win in the end I won't harm you or touch your defenses Vanity and security. Don't you forget about me! I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby. Going to take you apart, I'll put us back together at heart, baby! Don't You Forget About Me, Don't Don't Don't Don't Don't You Forget About Me! As you walk on by, will you call my name? As you walk on by, Will you call my name? When you walk away.♫" Both Celestia and Sunset sniffed a bit, looking back at each other, as Spike & Nyx danced together and Twilight stood next to Sunset, placing her hoof on her shoulder. "♫Or will you walk away? Will you walk on by? Come on - call my name Will you call my name? I say: *insert all the Las*.!!!♫" "That... was beautiful!" Sunset replied, wiping a tear from her face. "That's just one of his natural things." Celestia added "for all that may make him like a child, he is actually pretty good at connecting with others." "I sure am!" Deadpool responded, picking up Sunset. "Care to take a selfie?" "A selfie?" Sunset asked "Don't worry," Twilight reassured "we all had one with him." "Well... if you say so. Deadpool! I want this memory to forever be noted!!!" "You got it!!!" Deadpool responded, pulling out his cellphone. "The Sunset-Celestia reunion!!! Smile!!!" Sunset, wiping a tear from her face, made a cute smile as the two took a picture together! Deadpool released Sunset, gently dropping her onto the floor. "I must say, you really are interesting. Think we will meet like this?" "You can count on that! ... BOOP!!!" Deadpool Booped Sunset's muzzle, making her do a scrunch face, just before teleporting away to Celestia knows where. Everyone chuckled at what he did, followed by Sunset herself. Now, moving back to Equestria, is a new clean slate for Sunset Shimmer. Author's Note Become a fan here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Deadpool-In-Equestria/774066309345002?ref=hl Become a Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino Who should Deadpool meet next?
The Taco Squad. The Dazzlings: Sonata Dusk, Adagio Dazzle, and Aria Blaze The Taco Squad. The Dazzlings: Sonata Dusk, Adagio Dazzle, and Aria Blaze All the ponies in Ponyville went their own way, continuing their own normal lives, that is... until Deadpool ran down the street at hight speed with his arms flailing in the air & his legs barely touching the ground and shouting obscure gibberish as if he were in a Garry's Mod video. "WEMUSTFINDTHEMWEMUSTFINDTHEMWEMUSTFINDTHEM-" Deadpool yelled repeatedly as ponies & other species jumped out of the way of the the second most craziest man in the world next to the Joker (but that's DC, this is Marvel SUCKAS!!!) Who!?!?!? The Dazzlings. ...Who are they? They're the trio villain band that tried to take over the World in Canterlot high in Equestria Girls 2, remember? I don't really follow. Ugh... I can't believe I'm going there, but, here goes nothing: The girls that fart a lot. OOH!!! THOSE B***HES!!! The H***ers, right? "WEMUSTFINDTHEMWEMUSTFINDTHEMWEMUSTFINDTHEM-" Wait, why do we need to find them? Three ways: 1) Their evil 'fart' magic will cause disharmony across the land, 2) So we can prove we're the better artists than them, and 3) Sonata Dusk. The one that spoke of Taco Tuesday? The one that spoke of Taco Tuesday. "WEMUSTFINDTHEMWEMUSTFINDTHEMWE-" SHUT THE F**K UP!!! Deadpool stopped and looked at a nearby mirror. "Hey! I'm just trying to find those three b***hes!!! Care to stop me even more!?!?!?" Look, we can search for them, but we need to think logically on where they would be at. Ooh! Can we check the Beach for them!?!?!? That... will actually work. I'm surprised you figured that out. And can we check the carnival that's there!?!?!? Carnival!?!?!? What are you- LOOK!!! Deadpool turned around and, sure enough, they were near the beach and, on a port, was an amusement park like area going on with some, though not crazy, impressive rides going on. Many ponies were there, most of them families and couples preparing for hearts & hooves day to come. Many concession stands were there, one with the famous Fluffle Puff, Pinkie Pie, and Discord running a taco stand (though she seems to eat more of her stuff than selling), Derpy & the Doctor in a muffin stand, a one & only Donut Joe running a Donut stand, and other stands selling their own snacks or running their own games for suckers to pay & try to win the prizes for themselves or, more then likely, for somepony else. "Well call me a monkey's uncle!" ...You killed it! We had such a great time, and you killed it! Deadpool teleported to the amusement park, surprising a few ponies, but took it as no harm at all. Deadpool searched for the Dazzlings, not sure what they'd look like: They weren't goig to be human, that's a fact, but are they going to be their Siren selves as seen in Rainbow Rock's finale? If they were going to be that, then why the hell did we need to search for them in the first place!?!?!? "How did we even get back here?" A familiar voice asked. Deadpool stopped and turned around a corner to see who was speaking: there were three earth ponies there, and, just by the looks of them, they were the dazzlings!!! "Beats me," The pink earth pony with two huge purple with a mint green stripe ponytails responded: Aria Blaze. "I'm just glad we're not in that pitiful world anymore." "But we're not in our original forms anymore!!!" the golden coated earth pony with a huge, orange & yellow striped afro like mane, snapped back: Adagio Dazzle (their leader) "Come on girls," the light blue earth pony with a single, regular blue & dark blue striped ponytail of a mane, spoke with optimism: Sonata Dusk. "We can now blend in with pony society now!" "Are you suggesting we reform!?!?!?" "Uh... Sorta?" "Oh sure," Aria responded "what's next, we go in & celebrate whatever the townsfolk celebrates on?" "Uh... No... Not... really." "Of course, there you go, being stupid, AGAIN!!!" "Hey!!! I'm not stupid!!! I just don't use words good!" "ENOUGH!!!" Adiago snapped at her two friends "I hate to admit it, but I think Sonata's plan may work." "WHAT!?!?!?" The two responded, Sonata with a gleeful tone while Aria had an angered tone. "Think about it: our gems are now fixed, allowing us to sing great once again, and with everypony celebrating whatever they celebrate on, we can feed off their negative energy!!!" "Just stir up trouble again like in the human world?" Aria asked "Yeah, like that worked the first time." "This is different!!! With us being away from Twilight Sparkle, Sunset Shimmer, & their friends AND not knowing we're here, we can feast like queens!!! We'll be like-" "TACOS!!!" Sonata interrupted. "What!?!?!? No!!! I was going to say that we'll be like-" "Come here Taco!!!" Sonata ran away from her trio, following a taco that levitated over to a different area. "Sonata!!! Get back here!!!" "Eh, leave her," Aria responded "I guess your plan will work. With her out of the way, the more we get to feast on, am I right?" "... Fine. This should work with only your help." Sonata chased after the mysterious floating taco, wanting to get a wonderful taste from this delicacy!!! She dodged the ponies across her path, but was still focused enough to get to her delicious floating prey. The Taco landed onto a single paper plate, that was on a booth outside a stand, where a couple of other ponies sat on, eating their own tacos. Sonata jumped not her seat, took a good whiff of her treat, and then scarfed it down, laughing like a mad man as she ate the tortilla with lettuce & various veggies in it. She stopped as she was soon face-to-face with a weird, pink, super fluffy thing pony, staring at her. "Ptthptphtp." The pink thing spoke. "Uh... sure?" Sonata responded, having no clue what it said. A puff of smoke, and another taco landed on the plate. "So," a pink pony with a darker pink mane spoke, coming out from the fur of the other pink pony "Are you 'Sonata Dusk'?" Sonata chewed her taco slowly, sweating a bit. "Uh... yes?" "Are you with the Dazzlings?" a weird, slender monster asked, slithering it's way out of the fluffy pink pony's fur. "...What are you getting at?" "Just what I heard your leader, Adiago, spoke of." another voice responded. A puff of red smoke, and Deadpool appeared!!! "Name's Deadpool!!! I've seen you before and, might I say, I love you!!!" "You... love me?" "Of course!!! Who else loves that many tacos!?!?!?" The three inside the stand gave him a 'seriously?' look. "Alright, you three are in this as well." "Yay!!!" The regular pink pony & monster cheered together, with the fluff ball gasping with a smile. "What are you going to do with me!?!?!?" Sonata asked, shivering and sweating hard. "Easy as this," Deadpool responded, holding a flashlight underneath his face & turning it on, just to make him look more dramatic "we need you... TO JOIN US!!!" "... Seriously?" "Seriously!!! We have many perks here than when when you stay with those two!" "Like what?" "Discord, Pinkie, Fluffle Puff, show her the goods!!!" "With Pleasure!" Discord replied. With a quick snap of his eagle claw, Sonata, still in her chair, appeared in a pitch black area with a single lamp over her, and a board with the four around it. "To get this started, the first thing you have to know is that with you, you won't be the only villain to be reformed from their evil ways of life. Just look at me: I used to be the Lord of Chaos, now, I'm a lovable guy for ponies to be around!" Discord explained while, in his claw hands, held a ruler that pointed out all the things he and she did that were evil, but showing what has happened to him after reforming & what she can do if she's reformed. "Our second perk is that you can make more new friends than ever!" Pinkie exclaimed, pointing at a picture with her surrounded by other ponies, but really, the four were present around her. "Good guys generally have more friends than villains, which means more help, more of a good time, and more memories for you all to share together!!!" "Ptthpthptpthtpthhhtpthhpttttphtpthptphhhptphhhtttptthptpthptttttphtphpttttpppphhhhptphhhptptptptptphpthph!" Fluffle 'Spoke', showing a picture of Sonata earning wings & a horn, and becoming the princess of tacos. "And," Deadpool finished, pointing at a picture with all of them with halos above their heads with Deadpool's face turned to look like that of Markiplier "We're much better than those so called 'friends' of yours!" Discord snapped his finger, and they were all back to their stand. "So... ready to join us?" "...Sure." Sonata spoke "Alright everyone! Tie her up and- wait... what!?!?!?" "I'll join you guys! Truth be told, I don't want to be born as a creature that caused chaos among ponies, but after coming back as a pony myself, I may have a chance to live among my new buddies!!!" "That's... good." "Aw," Discord whined "I wanted to use the feather." "So," Sonata spoke, eating her taco "when do we begin?" Before they could speak, they heard, out in the distance, the singing of the two Sirens with green gas emitting out of nowhere. "I think we need to take care of those two." Discord suggested. "Good idea." Deadpool responded. "Come on! We must find those two and stop them!!!" "Shall I contact Twilight and the princesses?" Pinkie asked "Yes!!! If all else fails, it's good to know we have some friends!" "Ptthptphtppthpptphtpphtptphtp." Fluffle Spoke. "Really!?!?!? You have all that stuff!?!?!?" "What?" Sonata asked "What does she have!?!?!?" "...Instruments." Adiago and Aria, in the middle of a large crowd, began to sing! Without Sonata, they felt more magic around them, making them feel much more powerful than with all three. Perhaps, if two left, the one singing alone will be super powerful. The ponies all stood around the two, confused as to why they're singing, but were... entranced by their singing. The ponies' pupils shrunk until it seemed to disappear as they listened; it was now obvious that they were under the siren's influence, and that this was their first to be taken by the Siren's. The sirens continued to sing, releasing the green gas, until they heard... rock music? Turning around, they saw Sonata with Deadpool having a guitar, Discord having a Bass, Pinkie Pie on the drums, and Fluffle Puff... standing around while having a taco in her mouth. "Adiago! Aria!!!" Deadpool yelled "I'm going to give you this one offer: surrender and join your friend for rehabilitation or we're going to kick your *** with the power of rock!!!" "Try us!" the two responded and began to float in the air, having their pink, demon wings coming out. "You asked for it! Sonata: Sing!" "What!?!?!?" Sonata asked, confused on what's happening." "Fluffle Puff!!! Show her the lyrics!!!" Fluffle Stood up and walked in front of Sonata, holding cue cards on what she must sing. "Let's get this show started!" Pinkie yelled, tapping her drumsticks together. "And I've added flair to this attraction," Discord added "so this should be much better when we win!!!" "Let's start!" Deadpool yelled. He played an opening, followed by Pinkie on her drums & Discord with his bass and a few extra instruments floating in the sky, playing their part. "♫Na na na na na na na na na na na na.♫" Sonata sang, a bit nervous as she's battling her two smarter and, more than likely, powerful old friends. "♫Na na na na na na na na na na na na! I guess I just lost my best friends, I don't know where they went. So I'm gonna eat my money, I'm not gonna pay their rent♫." "♫Nope!♫" Deadpool sang along, adding more to the song. Sonata sucked it up and began to sing with more comfort, finding that, though she may be up against her old friend, her new ones may help out more. "♫I got a brand new attitude and I'm gonna wear it tonight! I wanna get outta trouble, but I wanna start a fight! Na na na na na na na I wanna start a fight, Na na na na na na na I wanna start a fight!!!♫" "♫So, so what!?!?!?♫" They all sang together, giving Sonata a HUGE boost in confidence! "♫I'm still a rock star! I got my rock moves, and I don't need you! And guess what I'm having more fun, and now that we’re done, I'm gonna show you tonight, I'm alright, I'm just fine, and you're a tool! So, so what!?!?!? I am a rock star, I got my rock moves, and I don't want you tonight!!!♫" A cloud of gas started to come from their group, but instead of green, it was now blue: Sonata's influence or something else? Who knows!?!?!? "Uh check my flow, aw." Deadpool added, standing next to Sonata while playing his guitar. "♫The waiter just took my table," Sonata continued "and gave it to Jessica Simps-♫" "S**T!!!" "♫I guess I'll go sit with drum boy, at least he'll know how to hit. What if this song's on the radio, then somepony's gonna die. I'm gonna get in trouble, My exes will start a fight. Na na na na na na na! They're gonna start a fight. Na na na na na na na! we're all gonna get in a fight!♫" "♫So, so what!?!?!?♫" They all sang together. "♫I'm still a rock star! I got my rock moves, and I don't need you! And guess what I'm having more fun, and now that we’re done, I'm gonna show you tonight, I'm alright, I'm just fine, and you're a tool! So, so what!?!?!? I am a rock star, I got my rock moves, and I don't want you tonight!!!♫" Their cloud of blue gas started to rival the size of the Dazzling's cloud and half of the crowd began to look at Deadpool's band. Discord snapped his fingers and a banner with 'El Pollo Loco' on it appeared. Sonata grew wings, but, not as menacing looking as her original self, but looked like Celestia's wings, matching her now glowing, white eyes! "♫You weren't there, You never were, You want it all, But that's not fair. I gave you life, I gave my all, You weren't there, You let me fall.♫" "♫So, so what!?!?!? I'm still a rock star! I got my rock moves, and I don't need you! And guess what I'm having more fun, and now that we’re done, I'm gonna show you tonight, I'm alright, I'm just fine, and you're a tool! So, so what!?!?!? I am a rock star, I got my rock moves, and I don't want you tonight!!!♫" "♫No, no, no, no! I don't want you tonight, You weren't there, I'm gonna show you tonight, I'm alright, I'm just fine, And you're a tool! So, so what, I am a rock star, I got my rock moves, and I don't want you tonight!!!♫" Their cloud consumed the Dazzlings, making the two fall to the floor and the crowd cheered for their heroes!!! Sonata's wings went away & her eyes went back to normal as she landed back onto the stage. Deadpool picked up Sonata, tossing her in the air a bit and having her land in the crowd, who began to crowd surf her. The rest of this weird, taco loving squad joined her, having the ponies carry them all in a large crowd surf. Deadpool teleported him and Sonata away, landing next to the Dazzlings. "Well Well Well," Sonata spoke "Looks like the stupid one has gained the upper hoof!!!" "How is that possible!?!?!?" Adiago yelled "You're too weak and stupid to do that!!!" Aria added "Maybe," Sonata replied "But I have one thing that you both don't know of." "And what is that!?!?!?" They both asked "...TACOS!!!" "Close enough." Deadpool replied, pulling out his cell phone. "Let's take a-" "A SELFIE!?!?!? I loved those from the other universe!!! Come on, GET UP you two!!!" Sonata carried the two up and held their heads to look at the camera. Deadpool entered the frame and took a selfie with the trio. They looked up and saw the princesses come down from the sky, seeing them. Celestia landed near them and walked over to Deadpool. She gave a curious look at the three. "Uh... Deadpool?" Celestia asked very curiously "Are those the Sirens Star Swirl abandoned all those years ago?" "They are!" Deadpool responded "Don't worry, Princess," Sonata spoke, bowing to Celestia "Deadpool offered me a chance to be reformed from my old evil ways, and I want to join your people, Celestia." "...Well... this is interesting." Celestia commented. She turned and saw the huge crowd surfing "I take it that was your doing, deadpool?" "Kinda," Deadpool responded, lifting Sonata up "it was actually all her working! She battled her two ex-friends and saved these ponies from brainwashing!" "...Really?" "It is!" Sonata added "They helped me out with their music!!! We'll be known together as... The Taco Squad!!!" "Taco Squad?" "Oh yes!" "Well... Sonata, I grant you Amnesty to rejoin pony kind from this day on! But know this: we will watch you. If we catch you doing anything evil, we will use all our might on you." "Don't be so harsh on her," Discrod's voice spoke. He appeared in a flash, holding Sonata in his arms "I will take good care of her. She'll be like my own daughter." "Daddy!!!" Screwball appeared out of nowhere, hugging Discord by the back of his neck. "...Alright... she'll be like an adopted daughter." "looks like my time here is complete." Deadpool spoke, smacking his hands together "But first!!!" "WHEEE!!!" Deadpool yelled as he rode the carousel in circles. Author's Note Become a fan here! https://www.facebook.com/pages/Deadpool-In-Equestria/774066309345002 Become a Patreon here! https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino Who should Deadpool meet next?
GET REKT!!! Pony # 52 & 53: Button Mash and his mom, ElianaAfter his ride on the carousal, our favorite Merc stretched out his arms. That was fun! Now what? Well, we need to take a selfie with another pony, so I'm guessing- "THAT WAS AWESOME!!!" The cheer from a foal yelled. Deadpool turned and saw that there was an arcade area where, a bunch of foals gathered around for something. Curious, Deadpool teleported right behind the crowd, seeing what the commotion was about. Everyone was cheering as they watched two other foals playing an arcade game called 'The Fighter's Spirit'. On the left side of the machine, it showed a pegasus pony in golden armor holding a sword that glowed fire, and the other showed a ninja pony holding a knife in one hoof & throwing shurikens with the other. Above the arcade machine was a T.V. screen, showing the battle as a Cyborg looking unicorn mare (with a robot eye & upper right leg) battled against a werewolf-looking pony! The crowd released a loud cheer, as the camera panned to the Cyborg Mare, slowing down the fight, showing that she was charging up, and fired a huge blast from it's metallic eye, releasing tons of damage to the Were-wolf pony, completely taking away all it's health, followed by a large, red 'K.O.!!!'. "Recalibrating circuits," the mare in game spoke, pulling out a screwdriver and began to look through it's circuits in it's robotic leg "preparing for next battle." Deadpool looked down, seeing the defeated foal slammed it's hooves on the controls in defeat and some steam coming out of it's head. It turned, showing that it was a unicorn filly, and her opponent turned, showing that it was none other than Button Mash!!! The two shook hooves together, giving each other respect & saying that it was a good game. "Who can defeat Button Mash!?!?!?" A pegasus colt in front of Deadpool yelled "I don't think anyone can." A unicorn filly replied "I'm pretty sure that Somepony can defeat him!" A small earth pony colt spoke "Not Somepony," Deadpool said "SOMEONE!!!" The crowd turned and gasped at the sight of Deadpool. Button Mash turned around, sowing that he was on a stool, sipping some apple juice. Deapool pointed at the colt. "BUTTON MASH!!!" "Yeah?" Button replied, surprisingly calm while sipping his juice "I challenge your throne to this arcade game!!!" The crowd gasped at Deadpool's challenge, followed by some murmurs. "Oh please: I'm not just great at 'The Fighter's Spirit', I have a Fighter's Spirit!!!" Another gasp from the crowd! "Let's see your spirit I defeat you and you cry to your MOM!!!" More gasping, followed by 'Oh!!!'s. Button snarled at Deadpool. "Oh yeah! Well... you're... a Noob!!!" "Ha! A weak pony's defense! Let's us fight!!!" "Bring it on!!!" Deadpool teleported next to Button Mash, sitting in his own stool next to the colt. Deadpool pulled out a bit and placed it in the machine. "A NEW CHALLENGER HAS ENTERED!!!" The Game's inner announcer yelled. A character selection screen was shown, with fighters that poked really special from one another: there was the Knight looking pegasus in armor, the ninja pony, the cyborg mare, & the werewolf pony, but there was also as followed: a cowboy looking pony that resembled a bit like Braeburn, a knight pony in dark armor & had scars all over him, a unicorn mare that carried a bow & arrows (somewhat resembling an Elf from Lord of the Rings), a pure android pony with a single visor for it's 'eyes', the skeleton of an Alicorn wearing jewelry of royalty, a Tydal look alike but with more shark features in the face area, a scientist pony with an eye patch over it's left eye & carrying surgical tools around him, a stallion in a business suit with Sunglasses on (Agent Smith from the Matrix?), and a mare in a one piece tight black leather suit carrying guns & a sword. Deadpool picked the last one, seeing that she had more of his coolness and, perhaps maybe (though in a weird way) that she was... sexy, hearing that her name was Trinity. Button chose his character: the Dark knight pony with scars all over him (Named The Hand). Their character appeared right in what looks like an abandoned laboratory where Monsters roamed freely. The Camera went to Button's character, who held up his sword. "Your Soul will please my master!" The Hand spoke, aiming his sword at his opponent. The Camera panned to Deadpool's character, Trinity, who cocked her guns before holstering both at the same time. "You're easy money!" Trinity spoke in a cocky voice (not in the emotionless voice like the Matrix movies made though, a welcomed change Deadpool must say). The camera zoomed right out, showing both fighters standing in a 2-D field with monsters roaming in the background. "ROUND 1," The game's announcer spoke with the words coming up "FIGHT!!!" Button's character charged at Deadpool's character, giving him the first Blow attack! Deadpool character got up & shot at The Hand, dealing some, but not as much damage, as his opponent. Hand used some dark magic in his hooves, carrying Trinity in the air before slamming her onto the floor, followed by a quick 5 hit combo from his sword. Trinity got up and charged right back, taking out her sword and began to do some quick slices from her blade, making a 15 hit combo that ended with a quick uppercut! Hand got up and quickly grabbed one of the creatures near them, tossing it at the mare! The mare teleported away, appearing right behind him, but Hand quickly charged his sword and, with one powerful swing, sent the mare flying into another room! Trinity was tossed into a pit filled with the creatures in the background, all of which attacked her, taking away a large chunk of her health away, followed by the evil Knight jumping into the air & slamming her into the floor, sending her falling into an abandoned office area and landing her back onto a coffee table, immediately destroying it, causing her to roll over to the side, where the evil Knight landed. "The Hand Wins!" The game's announcer yelled. "Foolish Child!!!" Hand mocked, turning & walking a few steps back before going back into a fighting position. Trinity got up and cracked her neck, prepared for the next fight! Something neigh took notice on is the damaged look both were receiving: The Hand's armor began to have dents in it while Trinity's, more obvious to her than her opponent, was several cuts in her leather suits and cuts on her face. "ROUND 2, FIGHT!!!" Trinity began to fire at Hand, who blocked her attack with his shield. He began to charge at her, but Trinity quickly grabbed a mug and threw it at the knight, making him fall to the floor! She charged at him and he got up at the same time! He swung his sword at her, but she teleported right behind him, uppercutting him into the air followed by quick shots from her pistols! He got up jumped into the air, grabbed a hanging lamp post, and slammed it onto her, making her slide back on her back. He charged right at her, but Trinity got right up and grabbed Hand, slamming his head onto a computer, sending who knows how much Electricity through his body! He got up and attempted to do his powerful swing, but she teleported right behind him and, using her sword, sent a powerful swing on him! He flew into a hallway and landed roughly inside an elevator, but the cables snapped, sending him falling into the bottom floor, followed by an explosion, sending Hand rolling into a slums area with other ponies moving out of the way as he rolled in! Trinity appeared on the other side. "Trinity Wins!!!" "Come on," Trinity mocked, relaxing her shoulders "that was easy!". Hand got up with a dark aura around him, prepared for their next fight! "ROUND 3, FIGHT!!!" The Next fight, both sides gave it their all, as punches & kicks were made, Hand grabbing Trinity & sucking some of her soul away & vice versa with Trinity grabbing Hand & shocking him with a taser, Hand throwing an entire shack onto Trinity & Trinity rolling a wagon to him, crushing Hand & rolling over him! Both sides were ow on what little they have left! Hand glowed a dark purple aura &, from what it looks like, he would win this fight! Trinity teleported out of the way, landing right behind him as he failed to do his super move!!! Her eyes glowed as she pulled out her sword: Hand was kicked into the air, she jumped into the air, & she disappeared without a trace, but Hand was quickly sliced by white light, Trinity appeared above him & slammed a device to his chest, causing him to be knocked onto the floor! She teleported back to the floor, pulled out a trigger & pressed it's button. A huge explosion came from where Hand laid, followed by the announcer yelling in excitement! "ULTRA COMBO!!! TRINITY WINS!!!" Trinity turned her back and looked at her fallen target. "Another day, another paycheck." She simply said before walking away. The crowd gasped at what happened: Deadpool defeated the undefeated Button Mash! They cheered loudly for the new king of 'The Fighter's spirit'!!! "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Button Mash yelled "HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN!?!?!?" "Aw, don't worry little guy," Deadpool spoke, rusting the colt's mane "Lesson 1 in being a champion is humility." "...What?" "Easy as this: learn from all your defeats and get back up afterwards. Keep doing this & you'll be a champion in no time." Button turned to the mask human and smiled "Thanks, Mr. Deadpool" "That, or you if you fail, then you're not Batman... Hold on! THAT'S DC!!!" "...What!?!?!?" "Sorry, but, from the words of Homer Simpson: No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you!" "Uh... thanks?" "♫The More you know!!!♫" "Button!?!?!?" A familiar voice yelled "What are you!?!?!?" "I'm here, mom!" Button replied. Out from the corner of their arcade machine, a tan colored earth pony mare with a light brown ponytailed mane & tail entered. Her cutie mark was that of a heart & a baby bottle. This was Button Mash's mom alright. "There you are! I thought I told you to stay with me!" "Mom, I asked you if I could stay at the arcade and you replied with a 'yes'!" "I was answering another pony's question about the sight of Deadpool around here! And it turns out- oh... uh... hello." "Hola." Deadpool responded "Don't worry about your son: he and I had an epic duel that, I'm pretty sure, he will learn from in Humility." "...What did you do?" "We battled each other in 'The Fighter's Spirit'!!! It is so cool to play especially when we were battling!!! You should've seen it mom: Deadpool chose Trinity & I chose The Hand, and we both battled in the Offices, and-" "Don't worry honey, you can tell me later. I'm glad to see you had some fun and you're safe. Thank you, Mr. Deadpool. How may I return the favor?" "Easy: A selfie!!!" Deadpool responded "A what!?!?!" Both the mom and colt asked "It's just a picture." "Oh, good." "Come here you little Rascal!" Deadpool picked up the colt with one of his arms! Him mom got in between the two and the picture was taken (though Button & Deadpool posed as if they were rivals, but in a friendly way.) "Come button, we need those cards for your class, remember?" "Cards!?!?!?" Button asked "Yes sweetie: Hearts and hooves day is almost here, and we need cards for your class, remember?" "Oh... right. Bye Deadpool!!!" The two walked away, heading to who knows where. Deadpool turned and saw the crowd of ponies. "...Who want to battle me!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled. A loud cheer was made, as fillies & colts gathered around to battle the Merc with the mouth. When we lose, we leave, okay? Yeah! We can act like shippers on their Valentines day!!! Author's Note Become a fan here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Deadpool-In-Equestria/774066309345002 Become a Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino The Next chapter will be Vaneltines/Hearts & Hooves themed. Which couple would you like to see with everyone's favorite Merc? (Can be of the following only: DP with a new character (either he loves or Vice Versa), a character from a chapter with a new character, or two new characters (can already be a couple or shipped by D.P.) If any of you want to make a story for 'The Fighter's Spirit', feel free to do so, just Contact me & allow me to be the editor. I already have a bit of a story planned out for it, but I'm flexible enough to allow changes inside the story. And if you're wondering, I imagine the game playing as fast as Killer Instinct, with the interactive system from Injustice: Gods among us & the new MKX, and all with a T-Rating like Street Fighter.
Tough Love. Pony # 54 & 55: Mandopony and Sibsy/WildfireAfter a couple of hours, having fun with the foals that battled against him, many of the kids' parents came around to take their child or children away. It wasn't until he saw that he was now alone. "Well... this sucks." Deadpool spoke to himself, getting up from his seat. Hearts and Hooves day is almost here, you know. Ooh!!! Let's see if we can make some love!!! WHAT THE F**K!?!?!? We're human, not ponies!!! So? Haven't you heard of a Centaur? "F**k that! We're not making another Tirek!!! We can survive without any b***hes on our love snake!" Oh sure, just like how you though- "Don't mention that again!!!" Yeah, I wonder what are we going to go on Valentine's Day! "Hm... recreate the Valentine's Day Massacre!?!?!?" Uh... no. Let's be logical here, we can- A loud whirring noise came right behind Deadpool, followed with an eerie green glow. Turning around, a huge, green portal was opened with a swirling vortex inside. WHOO!!! A GLORY HOLE!!! YOU IDIOT!!! That's a portal!!! Loud honking was heard from the other side, followed by a car slamming into Deadpool, leaving him dangling for dear life on the windshield!!! Inside were two ponies: a yellow earth pony stallion with a rugged looking orange-brown mane & tail with a Mandolin for his cutie mark, and a cream colored pegasus mare with a brown, nearly Maud like mane & tail with a single tire on fire for a cutie mark, both screaming as she tried to hold onto the wheel with her hooves. "WHAT'S HAPPENING!?!?!?" The stallion asked "IS THAT MARVEL'S DEADPOOL!?!?!?" "I DON'T CARE!!!" The pegasus responded "WHERE ARE WE!?!?!?" Deadpool teleported inside the vehicle, appearing & taking the pegasus in his arms, reappearing with her in the back seat, buckled her in, and teleported back to the driver area, taking the wheel. "Why my lovely couple," Deadpool spoke, driving wildly, crashing through a couple of buildings with ponies dodging out of their way. "Isn't it obvious: You're in Equestria!!!" "...Equestria?" the stallion replied "Ha! Yeah right, I doubt we're in Equestria right now, right Sibsy?" He turned to see his companion in the vehicle. "Of course Mando." Sibsy replied, turning to him. They both stopped and stared at each other; their eyes widened and their pupils shrunk. "Sibsy." "Yeah?" "You're your pegasus." "And you're your Earth Pony." They both looked down at their own new bodies, seeing that they no longer had hands or feet, or regular butts, but hooves and a tail sticking out from underneath. They both released a scream of pure terror!!! "GTA RAMP!!!" Deadpool yelled, putting all his foot power on the gas, sending the car going super fast on an upside down wagon!!! Deadpool pulled out a CD and placed it in the car's radio & pressed the 'Play' button. Haddaway's "What is Love?" began to play. The vehicle miraculously drove on the underside and the vehicle almost flew into the air! A couple of ponies could hear the blaring music inside, and seeing Deadpool inside, behind the wheel, bobbing his head wildly with two other ponies inside, grabbing the inners of the strange machine, also bobbing their heads, but not like Deadpool's, for their faces had fear in it, not fun! When the car landed, Deadpool turned the wheel a full let turn, causing the vehicle to roll on the floor, flip around six or seven times, and land in between two empty carriages as if it were parallel parked. Both Mando and Sibsy shivered with fear, holding very tightly onto the insides of the vehicle. "WHOO!!!" Deadpool yelled "NOW FOR THE MONEY!!!" "M-M-money?" Sibsy asked, still shaking. "Of course! GTA Logic: Perform a jump and God gives you money!!! WHERE'S MY MONEY, GOD!?!?!? Don't make me recrucify J.C. Again!!!" "I don't feel so good." Mando spoke. They opened the doors to their car & exited, seeing the vehicle needed A LOT of repairs on it, something that, by the looks of it,their insurance would barely cover up. Mando tried to balance himself as his cheeks puffed up, covered his mouth with his hooves, ran into a bush, and puked! Sibsy herself, went over to Mado's side and patted his shoulder when he finished. "There There," she spoke in a soothing tone I'm pretty sure that this is a dream that we may be having." "A dream?" A familiar woman's voice asked "I assure you that this is no dream." The couple looked up and saw, flying down & touching on the floor, was the Princess of the Night: Princess Luna. "You two seem new here. Tell me, is that... thing yours?" "MOONCHEEKS!!!" Deadpool yelled, teleporting next to her. "...Deadpool, why am I not surprised?" "You know each other!?!?!?" The couple asked at the same time. "Of course!" Deadool replied "Mooncheeks and I have had some crazy adventures, haven't we?" "Quit referring me as 'Mooncheeks' you buffoon!" Luna replied "You know you love it!" "I hate it!" "Oh yes you do! You love it as these two ponies!!!" "No I- wait... is today what thy subjects call 'Hearts and Hooves Day'?" Deadpool pulled out his cellphone and looked at the date. "If you mean Valentines day, then yes!!!" "Valentine's day!!!" the couple yelled together "Our date!!!" Sibsy yelled "Everything's ruined!!!" Mando yelled "Ruined?" Luna asked "What do you mean?" "We're not from around here, your majesty," Sibsy replied with a bow "but we were both going out for a date when we appeared here!" "And we have no idea what to do now!" Mando added "Everything was planned out from the start!" "Our Valentines day together is ruined!" they both yelled together. Luna saw their eyes watering up a bit with their lower lips hanging over their upper lips. She looked back at Deadpool. "I can't believe I'm saying this," Luna spoke with regret "Deadpool, can you-" "WITH PLEASURE!!!" Deadpool interrupted! He picked up the couple by their tails and teleported away! The three found themselves in the park of Manehatten, where the city has been decorated with lovey-wuvvey stuff. Deadpool set the two at a table inside the city's park, where other couple were around, doing their own stuff. "Psst," Deadpool whispered "Mandopony: I've heard all of your stuff and I know how much you and Sibsy love each other. To get the good stuff, read the poem I've sticked under you're a**hole." "...WHAT!?!?!?" Mando yelled. Deapool teleported away, leaving the two alone. Sibsy had a bit of a blank expression on her face, not sure how to comprehend everything now. "So," she spoke "one minute, we're driving in California, the next, we're teleported to Equestria as our pony selves where we meet Marvel's Deadpool, who happens to live here by the sound of it, and he's helping our date." "...Seems like that." Mando replied. Sibsy turned around and flapped her wings a bit. "I can't really explain, but this feels... natural." "I feel the same." "...Really?" "Yeah. I guess it must be because, well, I enjoy the show and you're the lead story board artist, we made our pony selves and, I'm guessing, we feel natural being our own original characters." "I... guess that makes sense." Mando felt something under his flank area and turned to see: it was a piece of paper. Mando pick it up and looked at it: it was Deadpool's poem he should read. "What is that? A poem?" "Um... yeah, it is." "Can you read it?" "...I don't really know." "Please?" Mando looked at his love, who's eyes seemed to flutter with each blink. "...Alright. Let's see how this goes: 'Your eyes, they flicker like a Sandalwood Sage Sunset. Your hair flows like Fresh Cotton Linens, hung to dry on the deck. Grandma's Apple Cinnamon Spice is the scented candle I would describe your mouth. And you're nose... an unscented emergency candle... for when the power goes out.'" Both Mando and Sibsy awkwardly stared at each other, then the poem. "Did... the writer of that poem really just used scented candles to describe his love?" "Looks like it. Can't real blame him though, have you ever went through a scented candle store or section without smelling ANY of those candles?" "...Fair point there." "And that's not all!" Deadpool yelled, teleporting back to the two. "To liven up more of these love poems, I've replaced random letters in the middle of words with apostrophes! For example: It Is Never Ever Over, My Lover Of Clover." Deadpool stood there and remained silent. "Well?" Sibsy asked "Got it! 'Tis Ne'er E'er O'er M'lo'er o' clo'er!" "...What?" Mando asked "Or! We can do what most people in the world now!" He teleported away and reappeared with a microphone & wearing a costume that can only be described as... Kinky. "We can sing about how much we want to do it! Innuendoes, of course, will be a lot more easier to hear than in the last 10 years!" "WHAT!?!?!?" The couple yelled together "How about the Song "Blow my Whistle?" ♫ Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby, Let me know?♫ Or how about the Ying-Yang Twins "Whisper in your ear"? ♫ Hey how ya doing lil momma let me whisper in ya ear, Tell ya something that ya might like to hear: Got a sexy a** body and yo ass look soft, Mind if I touch it and see if it's soft? Naw I'm just playin less you say I can and I'm known to be a real nasty man and they say a closed mouth don't give in and I don't mind askin for head. Ya heard what I said, we need to make our way to the bed, just wait 'till you see my d**k! Hey B***h, wait 'til you see my d**k!♫" The couple's mouths dropped as low as they could, hearing those stuff Deadpool sang about. Their mouth were brought back up, and they both growled at the Merc! In a flash, they both pounced onto Deadpool and beat the s**t out of him!!! Mando grabbed a random guitar and began to slam it on Deadpool's chest, followed by Sibsy using a pipe, who swung at his face & legs!!! They both slowed down, seeing Deadpool's body twitch like an insect. "Now that he's gone," Sibsy spoke "we should take care of the body." "Got it." Mando replied 2 minutes later: The couple threw Deadpool into a dumpster in an alleyway. "That takes care of him!" Sibsy spoke, wiping her hooves off together. "I can't believe Luna put HIM in charge of our date!" Mando yelled in anger "Did she purposely wanted our date ruined!?!?!?" "I hope not! If she did, oh, I'm going to-" "Hello there!" A cheerful voice replied. The couple turned and saw the married couple themselves: Shining Armor and Princess Cadence. The couple seemed to have a romantic stroll across the park, enjoying each other's company and love for one another. Both Mando and Sibsy seemed to be relieved that they could meet two other characters from the show, even though 'Meeting Princess Luna' fulfilled one of their bucket lists. "Honey," Shining Armor spoke "this is suppose to be our Hearts & Hooves day, remember?" "I know honey," Cadence replied to her husband "but I've never seen any ponies like these before. Are you new here?" "...We are." Mando replied "Why do you ask?" Sibsy asked "You two," Sibsy replied "are... just... so CUTE TOGETHER!!!" "...We are?" "Of course! I overheard you two are having a terrible date, is that right?" "It has been!" Mando replied "Honey-" Shining protested "Oh hush!" Cadence replied "I know how you both feel life, and that was when we were reminded of our anniversary. A good friend of Twilight helped us, made us a romantic dinner, and even performed a love song with the help from Discord." "I thought the friend was Discord." Mando whispered to Sibsy. "What was his name, Honey?" "Oh! Him?" Shining armor replied, waving a hoof under his chin "I believe his name was... Deadpool! That's it: Deadpool!!!" "DEADPOOL!?!?!?" Mando and Sibsy yelled in unison "You've meet him?" Cadence asked "They did!" Deadpool yelled from the dumpster. The lid opened and Deadpool fired himself into the air with his maniacal laughter, before falling onto the floor with a loud 'SQUEAK!'. "I'm okay!!!" "Good old Deadpool, it's good to see you again! Care to explain why you were in the dumpster?" "You could I was... in the Dumps!!!" *Ba-Dum, CRASH!!!* Wow... and I though your joke with Applejack was bad. "You!!!" Sibsy and Mando yelled in surprise and fear. "That's right! Quick healing factor!!!" "This is quite a surprise!" Shining Armor spoke, a bit surprised but finding it pleasant. "Get outta here!!!" Sibsy yelled "You ruined our date!!!" "...Are you sure?" Deadpool replied "You did!" Mando yelled, growling a bit "Our date became awkward REALLY FAST and your... music! That was AWFUL!!! We only enjoyed beating you up!!!" "Uh huh." "Oh yes!" Sibsy added "How you wept in pain and how Mando slammed you with that mandolin on your chest!" "Or how about how slammed his head & legs with that pipe!" Mando added "Never had I felt so young-" "And how much I loved you." The couple stopped as they heard Deadpool giggling with a freaked out looking Cadence and Shining Armor. "...Holy Crap! He's right!!!" "Told you!" Deadpool spoke. "Wow!" Mando spoke "He did got us closer!" "I... now feel kinda bad for beating him up." Sibsy spoke in a bit of a guilty voice. "Don't be!" Deadpool spoke holding up a bag "This will help!" "What are yo- OMIGOSH!!! DUCKY!!!" Deadpool pulled out a Rubber duck squeaky toy that shined on it's own! Sibsy took the duck out his hand, placed the toy in her hooves, and began to pet it, almost acting luck Gullem and/or Smeagol from both Lord of the Rings & the Hobbit Trilogies. "She loves ducks?" Cadence asked, a bit weirded out by Siby's affection for the rubber duck toy. "You wouldn't believe it!" Mando replied with a chuckle "But that makes her so special." "And for you, Mando," Deadpool spoke, pulling out a Mandolin "I got you this!" "Is that... my Mandolin!?!?!?" "It sure is!!!" "Oh sweet!!! Wait... how did you get it here!?!?!?" "MrAquino's Deus Ex Machina bulls**t." "... Who?" "Selfie!!!" Deadpool grabbed the couple together and quickly took a picture with the two, Mando giving a look that spoke 'WTF!?!?!?' and Sibsy hissing at him! "No, I must go!!! MATRIX!!!" A huge explosion came from right below him, sending Deadpool straight into the air, and leaving some singed hair that caused the rest of the ponies' mane to stick right up & the front side of their bodies to be blackened. "That was... strange." Mando commented "Right Sibsy?" He turned, only to see Sibsy still holding the rubber duck toy. "Ducky..." she spoke halfway psychotic. Author's Note Become a fan here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Deadpool-In-Equestria/774066309345002?ref=aymt_homepage_panel Become a Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino Mandopony: https://www.youtube.com/user/MandoPony Sibsy here: http://sibsy.deviantart.com NSFW: Sorry Sibsy, but you may need to learn about this: Who should Deadpool meet next?
Lucky Brony B***ard!!! Pony # 56 & 57: BlackGryph0n & Michele CreberLucky Brony B***ard!!! Pony # 56 & 57: BlackGryph0n & Michele Creber Deadpool flew into the air, laughing as maniacally as he's known for! You really did ruin that couple's date, you know that, right? But Duckies saved the day!!! "They do!" Deadpool yelled. In the sky, a blue-grey pegasus with a turquoise & dark turquoise mane & tail, having an orange music symbol with an infinite symbol connected to it, flew around, carrying, in his front hooves, a near white grey unicorn filly with a light brown, single light purple outlined mane & tail, who's cutie mark was a microphone. "Hurry up, Soldier!!!" The filly yelled, mimicking an army general "If you want the next episode so badly, help me escape this nightmare!!!" "Hey!" The soldier replied "It's not that bad, Michelle. Sure we got hooves, but look: I can now fly! And you can perform magic! Shouldn't that's count for-" "GANG WAY!!!" Deadpool yelled. The two turned, only to be slammed by the Merc himself, and they all began to free fall! Though unconscious, the two ponies luckily landed on a ridiculously soft couch that was just being pulled in by the 'Quills and Sofas only' guy. Deadpool on the other hand, well... let's just say that if her were even more animated, he'd fly up into the air letting out a sound effect from Tom & Jerry. "Oh no!" the unknown guy that we'll call 'Jerry' for now. "I hope ponies don't mind red tipped quills." The two ponies woke up, snuggling the sofa a bit. "This is so soft!" Michele commented "I just wanna cuddle with it!" "I know," the pegasus spoke "It's so soft to lay down on!" "Well then," Jerry spoke, being the entrepreneur he is "I can arrange a deal for that!" "Get these quills out of my a**!!!" Deadpool yelled. The three let out a collective gasp, seeing Deadpool shake his butt with the quills being jammed into his cheeks & blood falling out slowly. They all looked at each other a bit awkwardly, wondering who should pull them out. "Alright, I'll do it!" Michelle spoke with a groan. She closed her eyes and grunted, as her horn had a blue spark and, with it, a blue aura around the pens. A loud rip, and the sound of Deadpool screaming caused her to lose focus, and everyone else cringing at the sight. Deadpool turned around and saw the bloody quills were not out, though, as Jerry spoke, were most likely red tipped forever. "Do... you need to see the Doctor?" Jerry asked "Nah," Deadpool replied "watch my amazing power as my butt cheeks heal!!!" Sure enough, the holes in his cheeks healed, filling in the holes with flesh and, for some weird reason, his costume as well. "... I'm gonna pretend I never saw that." The pegasus commented "Same thing here." The other two added together. Jerry took his couch inside the store quickly, along with the now red tipped quills, leaving the three alone. "Hang on a second," Deadpool spoke, invading the pegasus' personal space with his face nearly touch the other's face "You look familiar." "Same thing to you." the pegasus replied "Are you... Deadpool from Marvel's comics?" "Oh yes! You may think Marvel owns me, but I rest assure you, I own them!!!" "...Ok, how did you get here?" "Portal." "Ah! That make's sense." "Are... you BlackGryph0n!?!?!?" "I certainly am!" "HOLY S**T!!! BlackGryph0n!!! The same guy that made those 'Pony-licious' videos!?!?!?" "Same one!!!" "Who's part of the U.S. Navy AND is a Jazz Musician!?!?!?" "I do more than jazz, but yeah, I'm him." "AND IS BEST FRIENDS WITH MICHELE CREBER!?!?!?" "Oh yes! That is me!" "Where is she!?!?!?" "...Who?" "Michele!!! Where is she!?!?!?" "I'm right here!" The unicorn responded. Deadpool looked down at the unicorn, who looked up at him with an angered look. "Ha ha! Yeah right, you ain't Michele." "Yeah I am!" "No you're not!" "Yes I am!" "No. You're. Not!" Michele cleared her throat. "Buy some Apples!" Deadpool froze in place: her voice sounded exactly like Applebloom's!!! "Trust me," BlackGryph0n spoke "she really is the voice actor to Applebloom." "I now see that." Deadpool spoke, still dumbfounded. "How exactly are we gonna get outta here!?!?!?" Michele asked the pegasus turned soldier "I have no idea!" BlackGryph0n replied, scratching his head with his hooves. "Do you have any ideas?" "Not a single clue." Deadpool responded "DANG IT!!!" "But it's not all that bad." "How so?" Michele asked "Well... not too long ago, I actually had an encounter with both Mandopony AND Sibsy!!!" "MANDO AND SIBSY!?!?!?" The two asked in unison "Where are they!?!?!?" Michele asked "I have no idea!" Deadpool responded. Both of their heads & ears dropped. "Hey, don't feel too sad! You're in Ponyville for pete's sake!!!" "...We are?" BlackGryph0n asked "Duh! We just encountered that Quills and Sofas only guy, so we're defiantly in Ponyville right now!!!" The two looked around their surrounding and, sure enough, there were familiar faces and, well, not so familiar faces around. The mane 6 trotted around town, doing whatever they wanted to do, The CMC were using their new weapons on some cardboard boxes, and Discord, though floating, was being held down by hugs from Sonata, ILoveKimPossibleALot, and Screwball. "Is that... Kim?" "It is!" "Seems like you're not the only Brony here." Michele commented "Wait! Could Tara Strong be here!?!?!?" "Hm... Maybe." "Sweet!!!" "Hold on," Gryph0n spoke "how long do you think we may be here for? I just hope we can perform our next duo!" "Duo?" Deadpool asked "Michael Jackson's 'Bad'!" Michele responded. Deadpool froze, but, underneath his mask, he made a smile that could rival that of the Grinch. The two awkwardly stared at each other, not sure what Deadpool was planning. Deadpool disappeared in a puff of smoke for a few seconds, then reappeared with leather jackets in his arms, while wearing a near exact perfect copy of Michael Jackson's leather suit in the music video for 'Bad' (No gloves needed). "Put these on!" Deadpool ordered, anding the two their outfits. Deadpool pulled out a Microhphone and spoke into it "ATTENTION ALL PONIES I TOOK A SELFIE WITH: COME FORTH AND PERFORM YOUR DUTY!!! Έχω το πιο περίεργο βλακεία τώρα!!!" When he spoke that long lost greek sentence that would make Socrates filch in horror, all the ponies (and non ponies) he took a selfie with appeared, looking as if they were brainwashed. Deadpool pulled out his boom box and pressed the play button. With a snap from his finger, everyone had on a leather jacket (though Flash Sentry was now foaming in the mouth, thanks to his allergies around leather) and began to dance as in Michael Jackson's video. BlackGryph0n and Michele, feeling the beat & rhythm, followed along, standing right in between Deadpool, dancing with him. "♫Your Butt Is Mine,♫" Deadpool sang "♫Gonna Take You Right. Just Show Your Face, In Broad Daylight. I'm Telling You, On How I Feel. Gonna Hurt Your Mind, Don't Shoot To Kill. Come On, Come On Lay It On Me All Right. I'm Giving You, On Count Of Three. To Show Your Stuff Or Let It Be, I'm Telling You Just Watch Your Mouth. I Know Your Game, What You're About, Well They Say The Sky's The Limit, And To Me That's Really True But My Friend You Have Seen Nothing Just Wait 'Til I Get Through-♫" "♫Because I'm Bad!" The three non brainwashed character sang together with, everyone else doing the 'Bad Bad-Really,Really Dad in the background. "I'm Bad! Come On! You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad, You Know It! You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad, Come On, You Know! And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now, Just To Tell You Once Again, Who's Bad?♫" BlackGryph0n took the center and began his part. "♫The Word Is Out, You're Doin' Wrong. Gonna Lock You Up, Before Too Long. Your Lyin' Eyes Gonna Take You Right, So Listen Up, Don't Make A Fight. Your Talk Is Cheap, You're Not A Man. You're Throwin' Stones To Hide Your Hands! But They Say The Sky's The Limit, And To Me That's Really True, And My Friends You Have Seen Nothin' Just Wait 'Til I Get Through-♫" "♫Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad! Come On! You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad, You Know It! You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad, You Know It, You Know! And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now Just To Tell You Once Again, Who's Bad?♫" Michele Creber took the center to end this song & dance routine. "♫We Can Change The World Tomorrow, This Could Be A Better Place! If You Don't Like What I'm Sayin', Then Won't You Slap My Face-♫" "♫Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad! Come On! You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad, You Know It! You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad, You Know It, You Know! Woo! Woo! Woo!You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad! Come On! You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad! You Know It-You Know It! You Know, You Know, You Know, Come On! And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now Just To Tell You- You Know I'm Smooth, I'm Bad, You Know It!!! You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad Baby!!! You Know, You Know, You Know It, Come On! And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now- Woo! You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad! You Know It, You Know I'm Bad-You Know-Hoo! You Know I'm Bad-I'm Bad!!! You Know It, You Know! And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now Just To Tell You Once Again Who's Bad!?!?!?♫" The Song ended with everyone in a giant pose. Everyone started to shake their faces, wondering what the heck just happened!?!?!? Michele and BlackGryph0n cheered together, still seeing that, though they're ponies, they can still perform the king of pop's dance moves! (By King of Pop, I mean Michael Jackson, not the living beaver... she's the slums of pop.) "Look at that!" Bryph0n yelled, still dancing a bit "I guess even the King of Pop rules over Eqeustria!" "And it was awesome!!!" Michele yelled "Thanks Deadpool!!!" "Don't thank me," Deadpool replied "Thank good ol' MJ himself, probably in heaven right now... performing all the best music up there... and with all the children he can now chase up there." The two looked at each other awkwardly at Deadpool's comment. "O...k." They both spoke in unison. "But we need to remember this!!! The author already wrote everything down, I just need a selfie!!!" "A selfie!?!?!?" Gryphon asked "I've always wanted to take one with you." Michele spoke to the pegasus. "You- I... oh well, take it away!!!" "I'M BAD!!!" Deadpool yelled, taking the picture with the two in their leather jackets. In a puff of smoke, Deadpool disappeared. "Howdy there!" Applebloom spoke to Michele "Are ya'll friends with Deadpool!?!?!?" "Hold on," Kim spoke, looking at Gryph0n and Mandopony, who, in return, stared at the two of them. "BlackGryph0n and Mandopony!?!?!?" "Mando and Kim!?!?!?" Gryph0n spoke in a surprised tone "Gryph0n and Kim!?!?!?" Mando yelled "DUCKIES!!!" Sibsy interrupted, jumping into the middle with her rubber duck toy. "SIBSY!?!?!?" The three bronies all yelled "DEADPOOL!?!?!?!?" Everyone yelled, pointing at Deadpool on the roof of a local house. "Muffin." Deadpool simply spoke, holding a muffin in his hand, dropped it, and disappeared in a puff of smoke. Derpy, way in the back, saw the dropping muffin and flew super fast!!! She knocked everypony down, catching the muffin before it landed onto the floor! She ate her treat, mumbling how good it tasted. Author's Note Not really sure, but this may be Michelle Creber's O.C. (left) next to Claire Carlott's: http://maryponyartist.deviantart.com/art/Michelle-Creber-and-Claire-Carlott-OC-s-by-me-389781060 BlackGryph0n and Michelle, if the two of you are reading this, then please, perform it!!! Become a fan here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Deadpool-In-Equestria/774066309345002 Become a patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino Who should Deadpool meet next?
Ain't I a stinker?. Pony #58: SolracDeadpool teleported from rooftop to rooftop, throwing away the Michael Jackson leather coat. It took him a while for him to notice that he was actually a walking distance. "COCK-A-DOODLE-DO!!!" a loud voice was heard. WHAT THE F**K!?!?!? WHAT THE F**K!?!?!? "WHAT THE F**K!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled "CUTE LITTLE BUNNEHS!!!" The voice yelled again. Deadpool teleported over right onto Fluttershy's roof, seeing, in her backyard, an earth pony stallion with an orange coat and black mane, with a white number six as his cutie mark. All the animals flutter shy tended were in a corner, cowering in uncontrollable fear, as the stallion kept walking towards them, smiling with white, triangular teeth. Who's that guy? ...Mother of Celestia. I hope we didn't have to do this, but we'll be going against one of the fandom's most beautify singers ever!!! WHO!?!?!? Solrac! "Or Yaplap!" Deadpool added "HEY!!! SOLRAC!!!" The stallion's ears perked up and turned around, looking for Deadpool. The 'Bunnehs' he had in a corner all hopped away, finding a way to freedom. Solrac looked down, seeing the rabbits had escaped. "No! No! NOOOOOOO!!!" Deadpool teleported next to the pony. "Get a grip, man! Those 'Cute little bunnies' cowered in fear from you!" Sorta like us with these ponies. SHUT UP!!! Solrac looked at Deadpool and made a face worthy of a reaction image that can be used on Facebook's comment area. "Are you... Deadpool!?!?!?!?" Solrac asked, not as loud as he was, but had more of a cartoon voice. "I am!" "Whoah! ... How did you get here??? And let alone, how are you a human and not, well, a pony like me???" "Well, you see, I-" The sky darkened with lightning coming out of it. A hole was made in the cloud and a beam of blue light came down, landing on the surface near the two. The blue light went away, showing that it was luna in the leather jacket Deadpool had everypony (and single human, griffon, dragon, and draconequues) dance in our last chapter. "DEADPOOL!!!" She yelled "THOUEST HAS RELEASED MY INNER RAGE, MAKING THEE INTO NOTHING MORE THAN A DANCING PUPPET!!! YOU WILL SUFFER FROM THE MIGHT OF-" "LUNA!!!" Solrac interrupted Before Luna could react, Solrac ran to her, tackled the night princess, and began to snuggle her! "What!?!?!? WE DEMAND TO KNOW WHO THOUEST IS!!!" "I REALLY LIKE YOUR MANE!!! "WE GOT ONE!!!" Deadpool yelled "WE GOT ONE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!" "...Who is this?" Luna asked, a bit blankly, as Solrac rubbed his head into her chest fur "Ah! Good ol' Solrac. He's considered the best singer around! You saw those other strange ponies with us, right?" "... The ones that are friends with the pony that loves Discord, but doesn't call him her father?" "BINGO!!! Solrac's friends with 'em." "...Is this true? Are you friends with those ponies who go by the following: Mando, Sibsy, BlackGryph0n, Michele, and Kim?" "YES!!!" Solrac yelled!!!, nearly blowing Luna back! "YES THEY ARE!!! AAAUUUGGGHHHKDMAKKFMALMDIDJISTIJHKDPFJEIOGJKW,NORMOSJVKXMS,MWSMKJSKVHUAHNXLKCHDLKLCHFKLSDNXCKLSDFK;ERJKNSDKVCKFHGIEHVKA JSCDG;KBFJF!!!" The two stared at Solrac awkwardly. "Are you sure he's a good singer?" Luna asked "I AM THE BEST SINGER AROUND!!!" Solrac yelled "HAVE ME SING ANY SONG AND I CAN DO IT!!!" Deadpool had a troll like smile under his mask. "I know just the song!" Deadpool simply said. Later, at 8:04 P.M. The city of Canterlot, along with all of the Pony-turned-Bronies Deadpool knew (and will soon take a selfie with), sat down, seeing Solrac stand on a stage, having a suit on. Because I'm lazy, Deadpool had Discord make him a special glove that could float and, in return, Deadpool will give him a show that he and IGN would rate 10 out of 10. Deadpool had on a suit and a white, George Washington look alike wig. Tonight, Deadpool agreed (using forged documents from a deceased 'Leopold') to be the conductor for this event. He stood at the Conductor's area, looking at the pony musicians around him and Solrac, standing on stage, waiting for Deadpool's notes, as he's been challenged to sing a one man choir. Deadpool lifted his hand to the left, hearing the musicians play their music as a warm up. As soon as he placed his hand down, they stopped instantly. He did the same with the right, and they followed as well. Solrac and Deadpool stared face to face, prepared for each other's moves: Solrac would have to follow Deadpool's gloves, matching a pitch with his 'singing'. With his right hand, Deadpool went to a chest area, then rose it to his head: Solrac followed. Deadpool put his hands to his side, and Solrac stopped, catching a bit of his breath. Deadpool lifted both of his hand in the air, waving his fingers as if he were casting a magic spell, hearing Deadpool being loud for a couple of seconds. He then, using only his right hand, lifted it from the bottom to the top, taking a second on each pitch, chucking a bit as Solrac followed. Deadpool turned to the side, placing his arm away to hide out of Solrac's sight. With his left hand, Deadpool waved it above his right arm, then below, seeing and hearing Solrac followed. Being mischievous, he turned around and used his index finger, a bit surprised at how Solrac followed. He pointed his arm up into the air, pointing at the sky, and Solrac followed. He placed his back, then quickly pointed down, using his wrist to point up then down slowly, hearing only Solrac following. He arched his back down, nearly having his arm hand touch the ground, as Solrac released the deepest pitch he could make with his voice. He turned back to Solrac and waved his hands up into the air, rapidly going from the bottom to the top! The crowd cheered for him, and Deadpool turned around, giving some bows, but then he rose both of his hands, stopping the crowd from cheering. He turned to Solrac, who only smirked, and cracked his fingers. S**t just got real! Standing on his tippy toes, Deadpool lifted his right hand in the air so high, and Solrac followed, releasing his most loudest and longest note EVER!!! It took him a while, but Solrac started to sweat and, though his coat was orange, he started to turn into various different colors!!! Deadpool was a bit surprised he could last this long, pulling his hand out of the now floating glove to see that a goo ten minutes had passed. He walked offstage, and Solrac continued with his grand note, rapidly turning color to color! "But Twilight," Spike complained, standing with Twilight just outside the building the opera was in "I'm not so easily bored at operas as you say I am! Plus, this is Deadpool: He makes the most awesome stuff happen!!!" The Doors slammed wide, and Deadpool had a letter in his hand! "What the-!?!?!?" Twilight yelled "Deadpool!?!?!? What are you-" Before he even said anything, he picked up spike and used him as a lighter, burning the letter, as it was sent away somewhere. Deadpool used on of his hands to rest on Spike's head, as he leaned on him, whistling a tune. In a few seconds, Derpy came along with a package in her mouth. "Package for Deadpool!" Derpy announced. Deadpool rant to her and took the package, leaving behind a couple of bits for her, then ran back inside, not even saying anything at all! "Well that was... interesting." Twilight commented, a bit dumbfounded on what just happened. Deadpool opened the package and his earmuffs had arrived! He placed them over his ears and went back to stage, seeing Solrac STILL on his note. He placed his hand back into the floating glove, watching Solrac fall to the floor, banging on the floor, almost begging for this to stop! The concrete around the area began to crack and, soon enough, the whole stage collapsed on the stallion!!! Deadpool turned around and bowed to the applauding audience, who just thought this was part of his performance (Half right and half wrong). Solrac climbed out of the rubble bruised but almost unfazed, as he bowed back to the applauding audience. Deadpool turned around and saw Solrac, then looked up, seeing a boulder of concrete just waiting to fall down. Deadpool raised his hand in the air again, and Solrac followed, continuing his note! the bouder fell down and cracked on Solrac's head, and the stallion was now unconscious! Deadpool took out a banjo out of nowhere and, using some notes, began to mock Solrac's finale! "HOLD ON JUST A SECOND!!!" Deadpool yelled "I NEED THAT SELFIE, MRAQUINO!!!" Oh! Sorry!!! Deadpool took the unconscious brony away, who began to regain consciousness. They teleproted away, back to Ponyville. Solrac's eyes opened, and saw that they were in Twilight's library. "Wha... what happened?" Solrac asked, followed by some heavy coughing. "Relax," Deadpool replied, dropping him to the floor "you just performed the role of a lifetime!" "I-I did!?!?!?" "You did!" Deadpool, took his cellphone out "How about a selfie, my beautiful sounding friend!" "Uh... ok?" Deadpool took the picture with a confused looking Solrac that, just like before, could be photoshopped to anything and get a million laughs... for the first month or so! "I must go! More people to see!" "Um... alright. Go ahead." Deadpool teleported away, just as the door opened with Twilight walking in with Spike "Why did he do that?" Twilight asked "Perhaps the opera singer was that loud?" Spike suggested "Maybe, or-AHH!!!" "TWILIGHT!!! DID YOU DO THIS!?!?!?" Author's Note Become a fan here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Deadpool-In-Equestria/774066309345002 Become a patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/MrAquino Solrac: https://www.youtube.com/user/Yaplap
Fangrils be like... Pony #59: Nowacking. Fangrils be like... Pony #59: Nowacking. Deadpool teleported out of Twilight's home: the night was still young, and the moon glowed all over the land of Equestria, giving some light to the ponies & creatures below. Though most of the light's in each home were either off or on to only be turned off, one house's lights were still on, glowing various lights. Music was heard, techno by the sounds of it, even though it was muffled, and cheering could be heard inside with the silhouettes of ponies dancing inside. HOLY S**T!!! A party!!! I'm not really sure if we should enter there: it could be some pony's birthday. The door slammed open, as two ponies came out, both stumbling, probably drunk. "Who knew the birthday girl... is her own DJ!?!?!?" One of the two spoke "Dude... I have... hooves." The other spoke. "He smoked himself r*****ed!" Deadpool commented OOH!!! IT'S VINYLE'S BIRTHDAY!?!?!? We've got to go inside!!! Hey! This could be a closed off party. A silhouette of another pony approached the house and walked to the two drunk ponies. "Is this the house to Vinyl Scratch!?!?!?" The pony asked in a voice that sounded too familiar. "It is!" The drunk spoke. "Can... anyone go in?" "Depends," the smoked one spoke "are you... fun?" "Uh... yeah!" "...Go on in." He or she fell to the floor face first, followed by loud snoring. "That was... weird." "Who's weird?" The drunk spoke, falling to the floor, also snoring. The pony walked in. Ugh, I guess we're going in there, right? "F**K YEAH!!!" Deadpool yelled. He teleported inside, and, stood in the middle of the dance floor, with some ponies drunk, others just having a good time. He danced a bit to the blaring dub step (Skrillex's Bangarang?) and, just moments before the Bass dropped, a loud scratch was heard, followed by the regular lights turning on. Everyone groaned, turning to the birthday girl/DJ, as a pony was near her face, having a bit of a creepy smile: the pony was a purple pegasus mare with a short, smooth black mane but a scraggly tail, and her cutie mark was the famous masks for comedies and tragedies. "Can I help you?" Vinyl asked in an annoyed tone "Or can I get make to making wubs for the ponies celebrating my birthday?" "VINYL!!!" The pony shouted with excitement, still recognizable. "It's me: I'm your unannounced voice actor!!!" "...What?" "I can't believe it!!! I am in Equestria and first Pony I meet (minus the two outside) is the pony I voice as!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!!" "Who... are you?" "I'm Jessi Nowack, but please, call me-" "NOWACKING!!!" Deadpool yelled! The two turned around and saw Deadpool standing, pointing at her as if he were Phoenix Wright. "I finally recognized your voice: the voice actor for Vinyl scratch in various videos and music!" "Are... you serious?" Vinyl asked, turning to Nowacking "This pony does MY voice in OTHER Ponies' works!?!?!?" "Back where I'm from, yeah!" Nowacking replied, taking in a lot of pride. Vinyl's left eye began to twitch. "It's kinda fun when in your hooves! I mean, I can-" Vinyl tackled Nowacking off from her booth, and the two rolled to the dance floor. All the ponies, especially the drunks, backed up, knowing s**t was about to go down! "NOPONY STEALS MY SPOTLIGHT!!!" "I'm not stealing it! I'm making you more famous!" "LIAR!!!" WHOO!!! CATFIGHT!!! We should stop them! "...let's see how this works." Deadpool commented to himself, getting right behind the DJ Booth. "ACTIVATE: FIGHTING MUSIC!!!" He pressed the button and, the song that played, was 'Timber' OH HELL NO!!! Not S***ty a** Pitbul!!! And Ke-Dollar Sign- huh! "CHANGING!!!" The next song was '#Selfie'. AW S**T!!! That is a BULLS**T song on our quest!!! "F**K THIS SONG!!!" He played the next song and the song 'Boyfriend' played. ...why!?!?!? Do ponies have a s**tty tast in music like home? "CRACK THIS!!!" Deadpool pulled out a sledgehammer and, with four strikes, he destroyed the DJ booth! "HEY!!!" Both Vinyl and Nowacking yelled in unison. Deadpool looked up and saw the two, though beaten up, still standing and giving him a death glare. "MY BOOTH!!!" Vinyl yelled. The crowd began to leave, leaving the three alone. "Deadpool! Why!?!?!?" "You have some S**tty taste in music!!!" Deadpool replied "How?" Nowacking asked "She's a f***ing DJ!!!" "Timber! Selfie! Boyfriend! The three strikes in s***ty music!!!" "I only have those because Ponies may request it!" Vinyl replied angrily. "...What?" "Ponies may request those S***ty songs for anything!" Nowacking added "She may create music, but even then, she needs to play songs requested by the audience!" "... oh... wait, what happened?" "I came along." Octavia spoke, walking around a corner from another room with bags under her half closed eyes. She released a long yawn before speaking again. "Vinyl couldn't help but have a party for her birthday, so I sound proofed my room up." "Why did you come down then?" Vinyl asked "I... really can't explain. It's almost like Pinkie's 'Pinkie Sense', but with you, Vinyl." "Aw!" "It's a curse. Anyways, I was lucky to stop both of you from becoming psychopathic murders like Deadpool here... no offense." "I don't suffer from Insanity!" Deadpool replied "I EMBRACE IT!!!" In a puff of smoke, Deadpool disappeared, then reappeared with a some yoga pants, a blue bra, and a wig that came from a local Spirit store during Halloween. "Come on Girls! Let's push it!!!" He began to do a weird workout that, if explained in detail, would offend all the female readers as of right now. "...That is just sexist!" Nowacking commented on Deadpool's training! "Shut up! You're just jealous boys think I'm prettier than you: You have a horse face!!!" "NO I DON'T!!!" She stopped as all the two other ponies looked at her. "...Aw F**k!" "Got the mouth as Deadpool, eh?" Vinyl asked "OOPS!!! Sorry!" "It's nothing, really." "It's true!" Deadpool spoke, teleporting and carrying both Vinyl and Octavia together "I've battled both of these ponies in a music battle!" "A... music battle!?!?!?" "It's true," Octavia spoke with a yawn. "Deadpool is quite gifted with both forms of music, that, I am impressed on." "Impressed!?!?!?" Vinly returned "You should be Awe-Struck!!! He's so awesome, even if he did kill Tirek!!!" "HE WHAT!?!?!?" Nowacking yelled "That's right!" Deadpool acknowledged "I killed Lord Tirek!!! AVENGING TWILIGHT'S HOUSE AND BEES!!!" "And I'm more afraid of HIM than Tirek." Octavia replied, shaking a bit "Oh you silly two!" Deadpool began to pat their heads at the same time. Vinyl obviously loved it while Octavia cowered from it. "Hey!" Nowacking yelled "Oh! Sorry!" Deadpool extended his right foot and began to scratch right behind Nowacking's ear. Immediately, the pegasus fell to the floor and purred on impact, as Deadpool, while on one foot, made the ponies around him feel good! "Oh Deadpool! This... feels... so... good!" "I know, Senpai." "Senpai!?!?!?" Vinyl and Octavia asked "YOU HEARD NOTHING!!!" Deadpool and Nowacking teleported away, leaving the two dumfounded, landing and standing without anything much to say. "...Well, I'm going back to bed." Octavia spoke, walking back to her room. "I guess I'll sleep as well." Vinyl added Deadpool and Nowacking teleported onto the roof of the house, and Nowacking laid in his arms, rubbing her head into his chest. "Oh please!" Nowacking begged with her eyes shut, probably thinking he was still scratching behind her ears "GIVE IT ALL TO ME!!!" "...Dirty s**t!" Deadpool yelled. Nowacking opened her eyes and noticed she was in his arms, holding her as if they were a married couple. She opened her wings and flew up a bit. "Sorry about that! It's that you... well... made me-" "Don't worry about it. Selfie?" "A selfie!?!?!?" "Tasked by Luna to do it." "...What's in it for me?" "I'll help you find one of the other Bronies around here." "...The other guys are here!?!?!?" "Yep!" "...Fine! Let's take the stupid picture." "# STOPWITHTHEF***INGHASHTAGS!!!" Their pic was taken. "So, who's the closest?" "Solrac is in Twilight's castle right now!" "...That guy?" "Yep!" "...Ugh, might as well." She opened her wings and flew away. Deadpool stood there and stared at the moon. "Oh Mooncheeks... If I were on the moon, I'd moon the world with the moons on my moon cheeks during this full moon night!" "Go to sleep." a voice spoke. "WHAT THE-!?!?!?" A hard impact was hit right behind him, and Deadpool fell to the floor, unconscious. Author's Note Become a fan here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Deadpool-In-Equestria/774066309345002?ref=bookmarks For more Nowacking, check out these: https://www.youtube.com/user/Nowacking and http://nowacking.deviantart.com Nowacking's O.C.: http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/276/7/a/nowacking_oc__request__by_wyntercreations-d5gqhlb.png This is probably my most weakest entry.(Had a lot of work to do and was Distracted with "The Flash") Who should Deadpool meet next?
"My Name is-". Pony #60: Jeff (the killer [Ponified])Deadpool rolled off the roof, falling onto the ground face first. WHO DID THAT!?!?!? Somepony's gonna die Tonight!!! "Ahh... a lovable kill!" a creepy voice spoke, laughing maniacally. "Are the townsfolk's here any different?" Deadpool got up, cracking his back. "You suck at killing!!!" Deadpool yelled. A loud *Thump* was heard right behind him, and, after turning around, he saw the would be killer: it was a perfect white stallion with a black, messy mane & tail, and his cutie mark was that of a knife with blood coming off of it. His eyelids were gone, giving the illusion that he had sort of had full on attention eyes, and the sides of his mouth were carved, showing some flesh, but made it look like he was smiling. "A Survivor, eh? No problem... I'll just stab you some more!" Deadpool stared at the pony, who held a knife in one of his hooves and began to walk to him, still 'smiling'. He started to, first giggle, then chuckle, and finally, he went into full laughter falling to the floor! The killer pony stopped and gave it's best to make a confused look. "Oh man!!! Are you seriously a ponified version of 'Jeff the Killer'!?!?!?" "...Ponified?" Jeff looked down and nearly jumped at his own hooves. "What the-!?!?!? Am I... a horse?" "A pony!" "... Oh well, might as well get used to this. NOW DIE!!!" Jeff kept to Deadpool and began to stab him in the chest! "AUGH!!! Stop!!! Oh! I'm dying! I see the light! Is that heaven? No! It's hell! NO!!! WORSE!!! IT'S ADAM SANDLER'S MONSTER: HAPPY MADISON PRODUCTIONS!!! DON'T TAKE MY COMEDY AWAY YOU FOUL BEAST!!! DON'T TAKE MY COMEDY AWAY!!!" "Why... aren't you dead yet?" The two stopped and looked at Deadpool's chest, seeing it heal fast. Jeff tried to make a freaked out face, but, as you can guess, only looked liked a one dimensional drawing on a character smiling 24/7.Deadpool laughed at his sight, mocking the killer. "INSTANT HEALING MOTHU F***A!!!" He teleported, standing next to the killer "Almost forgot about this: 'My name is Jeff!'" "...What!?!?!?" "My name is Jeff!" "...Why are you-" "My name is Jeff!!!" "...Can you-" "My name is Jeff!" "What does that even-" "My name is Jeff!!!" "Are you really planning on-" "My name is Jeff!!!" "Seriously! Stop-" "My Name is Jeff!!!" "STOP IT!!!" Jeff pulled out his knife and sliced Deadpool's leg, causing him to fall to the floor! With his knife, he stabbed Deadpool in the face multiple times!!! After a couple of minutes, Jeff relished in his victory with a deep-cuts-in-the-face Deadpool. "Hey!" Jeff screamed a bit, seeing his face heal. "YOU'RE STILL NOT DEAD!?!?!?" "But of course! I know your weakness... 'Jeff'!" "...What!?!?!?" "Lemon and tangerine juice!!!" "...How is that- OH GOD!!! MY EYES!!!" Deadpool squirted two packets: a lemon and a tangerine into Jeff's eyes, and the killer got up and touched his own eye balls, only to scream louder. "Ha Ha Ha!!! Not so smart to cut off your own eye covers, eh?" "IT HURST!!! IT HURTS SO BAD!!! I HAT YOU SO MUCH MR... MR-" "My name is Jeff!!!" "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!" Deadpool watched as Jeff carried a knife up to his own face and stabbed himself in the brain! He fell to the floor, limp, and was now dead. "...poor Jeff... he was so young and... a bit more sane than me." Probably. Definitely! "Oh well... a quick selfie and burial couldn't hurt!" He picked up the corpse and took a selfie, removing the knife before taking the picture. For the burial... well... Deadpool dug a hole just enough for Jeff's body, but having his head stick out. Why is his head still up!?!?!? "Duh! So he can breath!!!!" I don't think he'll need to breath in hell. "...Yeah... I suppose you're right. Goobye, Jeff, you'll be remembered in Creepy Poosta as a short lived meme, and as a vine trend thanks to 22 Jump Street." Author's Note Become a fan here!!! https://www.facebook.com/MrAquinowuvsponiesandDeadpool?ref=aymt_homepage_panel Note: Last chapter, I didn't realize i made a Jeff the Killer reference and, well, I hoped you chose something different (Say, Dr. Wolf, Coco Pommel, Cheese Sandwich, ECT.) Poor Jeff... after 22 Jump Street, no one will think he's scary anymore: Who should Deadpool meet next!?!?!?
Better than the human Comedian. Pony #61: Golden Harvest/Carrot TopThe sun rose above Ponyville, and nearly everypony began to wake up to start their day. One of these homes, right near Sweet Apple Acres, was a carrot farm with, as you can guess, a carrot shaped things on it. Inside, another pony laid in her sleep. The pony was an earth pony mare, who had a pale & light grayish olive coat with a Pinkie Pie-Sweetie Belle looking brilliant gamboge mane. She had a pleasant dream on how she and her coltfriend will, one day, get married, and the two will be able to have kids of their own. *CRASH!!!* She woke up, grunting to herself. "Derpy..." She scowled. She got up from her bed and traveled downstairs, hoping to stop Derpy from raiding her refrigerator... again!!! She looked around a corner, only to not see a familiar yellow tail, but, nothing. She walked around more, but 'Eeped' at the sight on who was actually raiding her fridge: Deadpool! Deadpool had an armful of junk food, and, underneath his mask, he seemed to be eating some of her crunchy chocolate chip cookies. He turned and froze as the sight of the mare, being perfectly still as if he were a raccoon spotted by someone, slowly chewing, but awkwardly. The two stared at each other for a moment. "...Don't tell Derpy." Deadpool simply spoke. At that moment, one of the tiles of the floor shook a bit, and Derpy came right up, nearly just inches away from the fridge! She stopped and turned both ways, seeing her friend and Deadpool standing there, awkwardly. She sunk back into her hole, leaving the tiles as if she was never there to begin with. "So that's how she get in!" The mare exclaimed. She looked back up at Deadpool. "...I'm sorry for that," Deadpool returned "Name's Deadpool: Merc with the Mouth and Killer of Tirek!" "Name's Golden Harvest, but most ponies call me Carrot Top." JUST LIKE THAT COMEDIAN!!! Anything BUT that 'Comedian'. "Why did you raid my fridge?" She asked "Oh! Well... you could say I was... hungry." He responded, blushing under his mask "Really? Well... put that stuff back in the fridge and I'll make you some breakfast, okay?" "Can I join!?!?!?" Derpy asked, having her head pop out of the hole with the tiles balancing on her head. "Uh... sure. Just don't raid my fridge!!!" "Yes Ma'am!" Derpy flew and took her, still having the tiles balancing on her head, while Deadpool, very lazily, placed all the stuff he raided back into the fridge. He teleported next to Derpy, and the two sat together. "So..." Deadpool spoke "Fought any of them Daleks?" "Daleks?" "Oh... you know... EXTERMINATE!!!" "What!?!?!? No!" "Oh don't lie to me! I heard why you and your husband spoke about right after I left: 'Get the T.A.R.D.I.S.'." "YOU'RE LYING!!!" "I'm not lying! You've got secrets! Tell me, did you both travel in time to meet me, perhaps go into MY world?" "I- Uh... I... You have secrets!" "I won't lie on that." "Secrets?" Golden Harvest asked, turning down the stove and letting the eggs inside cook. She walked and sat in front of him "What are those secrets?" "I don't think you'd like them." Derpy spoke "AH-HA!!!" Deadpool yelled "You do know 'em!!!" "What are they!?!?!?" Golden asked "I'll tell you them!!!" Music began to play right behind them. "...Where is that coming from?" "Oh no!" Derpy spoke "Another song!!!" In a flash, two Cybermen appeared next to Deadpool, but seemed to follow his dancing. "♫Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, Mata ah-oo hima de!♫" The cybermen sang "♫Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, Himitsu wo shiri tai♫" "♫You're wondering who I am!♫" Deadpool sang "♫Secret, Secret, he's got a secret!♫" "♫Machine or mannequin!?!?!?♫" "♫Secret, Secret, he's got a secret!♫" "♫With parts made in Japan, I am the modren man!!!♫" Deadpool started to do a simple shake with his arms, looking as if he were in a lost beach commercial, with the cybermen following and, though not really sure why, Derpy and Golden Harvest danced along with him, standing on their hind legs. "♫I've got a secret, I've been hiding, under my skin! My heart is human, my blood is boiling, my brain C.A.F!!! So if you see me, acting strangely, don't be surprised. I'm just a man who, needed someone, and somewhere to hide To keep me alive! Just keep me alive! Somewhere to hide, to keep me alive!!! I'm not a Psycho without emotions. I'm not what you see! I've come to help you with your problems, so we can be free! I'm not a hero, I'm not a saviour, forget what you know!!! I'm just a man whose circumstances went beyond his control. Beyond my control!!! we all need control!!! I need control!!! We all need control!!! ... I am the modren man!!!♫" "♫Secret, Secret, he's got a secret!♫" The Cybermen, along with Deroy and Golden Harvest sang together. "♫Who hides behind a mask!♫" "♫Secret, Secret, he's got a secret!♫" "♫So no one else can see-♫" "♫Secret, Secret, he's got a secret!♫" "♫My true identity!!!♫" The cybermen and ponies started to do the Robot Dance while Deadpool simply Broke dance. "♫Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, domo...domo! Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, domo...domo!!!♫" They continued doing the 'Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto' alone for 11 seconds, and continued while Deadpool sang his part. "♫Thank you very much, Mr. Roboto, For doing the jobs that nobody wants to, and thank you very much, Mr. Roboto, For helping me escape just when I needed to! Thank you-thank you, thank you!!! I want to thank you, please, thank you!!!" They all stopped. Both Derpy and Golden shook hero heads, regaining control on what just happened. They looked up to see Deadpool with his he'd hung low. "♫The problem's plain to see: too much technology! Machines to save our lives. Machines dehumanize. The time has come at last!!!♫" "♫Secret, Secret, he's got a secret!♫" The Cybermen sang again! Deadpool tore off his mask, only for another of his mask to be underneath it!. "♫To throw away this mask!!!♫" "♫Secret, Secret, he's got a secret!♫" "♫So everyone can see!!!♫" "♫Secret, Secret, he's got a secret!♫" "♫My true identity... I'm Wilson! Wilson! Wilson! Wilson!!!♫" The cybermen fell into multiple pieces, one of which, landed onto the eggs that caused them to fly into the air, flip in mid air, and another landed on the counter, causing some three plates to fly & fall in the air. The pan the eggs were in flew into the air, but landed in the sink with a loud *CLANK*. Deadpool caught the plates in the air and, in a few moments, the eggs landed on the plates, perfectly cooked and with no mess. The two stared with their mouths wide open. "...I guess breakfast is ready." Derpy awkwardly chuckled. "That... was... AMAZING!!!" Golden yelled, hugging Deadpool as he balanced the plates on his arms. "Uh... a little help?" Deadpool asked "Oh! Sorry!" Golden and Derpy took their own plate off, and Deadpool sat down with the others. All three enjoyed their eggs. "Surprised I got some Cybermen to follow me, Derpy?" "Oh, them?" Derpy asked "Uh... kinda. How did you do it?" "Well..." he leaned in and whispered Derpy the secret of getting Cybermen to follow you. Derpy gasped "JUST LIKE THAT!?!?!?" "Just like that." "I GOTTA GO!!! MY HUSBAND NEEDS TO KNOW THIS!!!" Derpy ran out of the door, finally dropping the tiles off her head. "I... won't ask on that." Golden replied, a bit freaked out at Derpy's reaction. "I must say, you made this morning really great! Stopping Derpy from raiding my fridge, that dance-song we did, AND saving breakfast... you are really talented." "Stop it!!!" Deadpool replied, blushing while waving his hand as if he were a girl. "We must remember this!" "Already got it... A selfie!!!" "Selfie?" "Picture." "Oh. Bring it in then!" The two got together and took a selfie together! "Say, were you here last night?" "Uh... kinda." "Where?" "Right... next to you?" "WHAT!?!?!" "BYE!!!" Deadpool ran outside the house!!! MUCH earlier: Deadpool laid down next to Carrot Top. She purred a bit when Deadpool scratched behind her ear. "Chek that off the bucket list," Deadpool spoke softly, checking off a list with, on it, 'Make a pony purr in their sleep'. "Now, to sleep with one as if it were a dog." Deadpool tuned and placed his chest on her back. She grumbled a bit, but Deadpool placed an arm over her. Soon, he fell asleep, and the two, though looking a bit innocent, would've looked creepy if anyone of you readers stood there and watched. Wait a minute... why would you be there? Ah screw it... End Chapter!!! Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next.
Tecnhologic. Pony # 62 & 63: The Living Tombstone and Wooden Toaster/ GlazeDeadpool ran tight into town square, stopping to take a breath after his 'Sanic' running. Why did we agree on calling it 'Sanic' running? Because it's funny!!! Before Deadpool cloud say anything, he noticed two ponies walking in the distance: a grey earth pony stallion with a medium-short blue mane & tail that ended with red tips, wearing light blue headphones over his ears, and a yellow-green pegasus mare with a Vinyl Scratch looking mane & tail, but green with her own coat color as the stripes. Tehri cutie marks... well, you know 'em already. "Holy... f***king... s**t!" Deadpool spoke slowly. He teleported in front of the two, causing both to have a jump scare. "THE LIVING-MOTHER F***ING-TOMBSTONE AND WOODEN-MOTHER F***ING-TOASTER!!!" "...Who are you?" Tombstone asked "Ahem... The name's Deadpool! You may know me for my awesome appearances in the marvel comics, my spotlight steal in the amazing Spider-man cartoon, my own video game and- I'm not going to say that one... the regretfulness." "Oh! You're really Deadpool?" Toaster asked "Of course I am!!!" "Can... you give us proof?" Deadpool grunted a bit. They seriously don't believe us!?!?!? How!?!?!? 1 word: Cosplayers. Deadpool teleported away for a bit, returning to Jeff's head, slowly rotting away with some of Fluttershy's birds peking his eyes out. Deadpool took the blade out of his skull, then teleported right back, "Watch this." Deadpool simply spoke. He threw the knife into the air, cutting through the very end of a sleeping Rainbow Dash's mane, then returning, cutting through the tip of her tail. Deadpool crossed his arms and waited impatiently for the knife to fall down. In a couple of seconds, the knife landed straight into Deadpool's skull!. The two pony turned electronic artists stood with an awkward look on their face. "You know," Tombstone spoke "We would've just accepted the teleportation." "Ah don't worry! I need some pain in a while!!!" Deadpool grabbed the handle of the knife and ripped it right out, squiring some blood out and having some of his brains on the blade! "Oh! I think I pulled out some of my intelligence! Better add this to my Raison Brand!" "I... don't think it works like that." Toaster spoke "Hold on," Tombstone spoke "If you're here as a human, then tell us: why are we our pony selves in Equestria." "...Reasons." Deadpool simply replied "Any other reasons?" His voice became annoyed. "Only one: The author of this fanfic didn't know how he could make a pony version of, so he kept my awesomeness to the maximum by keeping me human, so that way, I could do all the stuff that every brony wished they could do, just not survival! Plus: if I were a pony, I'd run around naked, flashing my d**k to all the ladies! ... Me Gusta." "Did somepony say 'Me Gusta'!?!?!?" Pinkie asked out of nowhere. She turned and saw the two new ponies. "OMIGOSH!!! New ponies!!! I gotta throw this party quickly!!!" A snap was heard, and a whole Mexican themed party appeared in a flash, completed with a mariachi band, piñatas, and, you guessed it, Tacos!!!. Discord appeared in a flash, wearing a sombrero, poncho, and a bandito mustache, holding maracas in his hands. "I figured I'd help you on this, Ms. Pinkie Pie." Discord replied "Vaya, gracias, la discordia." "Vamos a conseguir nuestra Mexicano!!!" Deadpool yelled, wearing the same stuff Discord had on, but carrying a guitar. In a puff of light as well, Fluffle Puff, Sonata, Twilight Sparkle, and, well, everypony came along, all wearing Mexican clothing as well. Living Tombstone and Wooden Toaster stood there, trying to comprehend what was happening, but, since they were in front of the most random things imaginable... well... f**k it. And since I couldn't find the song, I'll leave you all the song on what they were singing together. Everyone, minus the Taco Squad, disappeared. Tombstone and Wooden Toaster just stood there, blank faced, derp eyed, and trying to regain their braincells (though, they would be brain dead if they watch Honey-Boo Boo for 5 seconds instead of this massive, most likely racist party). "Taco squad!" Deadpool announced "Yes Sir!!!" They all spoke (though, we know Fluffle Puff does 'ptthpthpthppthpt'.) "DISMISS!!!" "TACO SQUAD!!!" They all jumped in the air and froze, looking like an awesome 80's freeze frame jump. They floated in the air for a few seconds. "...Discord?" Sonata asked "Just give it a moment!" Discord replied "It should only take a couple of seconds!" "...I can't feel my hooves." Pinkie commented. "Pththtptphptphptphhhpptphptp." Said you-know-who. "Fine!!!" Discord replied. His tail snapped, and they all disappeared. "So," Deadpool spoke to the two "How are you two doing." "...I need a place to rest." Tombstone replied. "Deadpool!!!" An angered Rarity yelled in the distance. She marched over to Deadpool, still wearing the ridiculous outfit Discord had everyone put on. "THIS... THIS IS A CRIME AGAINST FASHION!!!" "Rarity!?!?!?" The unicorn turned to Tombstone, giving a curious look. "Um... yes... that is me. Do I know you?" Tombstone stared at Rarity. His vision went all pink, all things around his vision went blurred, but Rarity herself. If he focused, he could've seen the hearts float around his eyes. Toaster waved his/her hoof in front of Tombstone to get his attention. "Well," Toaster spoke "he's lost." "Lost in what?" Rarity asked "I think he really likes you." Deadpool whispered. Rarity blushed a bit. "Oh Rarity. This is common, remember? But... I do say... he does look dashing." "Guh-!" Tombstone yelled, sounding more idiotic than ever. Rarity stared at him, then giggled. "You really are in love me, aren't you?" "Ugh!!!" "...perhaps if you spend time with me, then we can have conversations. Does that sound good?" He fell to the floor, stiff like a statue, not even moving. Rarity used her magic and lifted him up. "I'll take that as a 'Yes'." "Wait!" Deadpool yelled. He grabbed Glaze and stood next to the floating Tombstone. "Selfie!!!" "You know," Glaze spoke "I may look like a female, but I'm still a guy, right?" "A HOT Mare!!!" He/She blushed & smiled. Deapool took the picture. Rarity used her magic and carried Glae with Tombstone. "I doubt you are a male," Rarity spoke "And I think you'll look FABULOUS after my touch!" "No!" Glaze yelled "WAIT!!! HELP!!!" Deadpool teleported away, as Glaze screamed for help, for he/she will be fabulized!!! (Not by Pewdiepie, though) Author's Note http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/329/6/0/the_living_derpstone_by_gray_gold-d5m4mo1.png Living Tombstone: https://www.youtube.com/user/TheLivingTombstone Wooden Toaster/Glaze: https://www.youtube.com/user/WoodenToaster Who should Deadpool meet next?
...I'M SO FABULOUS!!! Pony #64 and 65: Pewdiepie and Marzia... and his pugs. ...I'M SO FABULOUS!!! Pony #64 and 65: Pewdiepie and Marzia... and his pugs. Deadpool sat on the branch of a nearby tree, watching Rarity drag Wooden Toaster by his/her tail and carrying a derped Living Tombstone along the way. She closed the door right behind him, and a green light illuminated from the house. "What the-!?!?!?" Rarity yelled. The door opened and Glaze flew right out "FREEDOM!!!" The pegasus yelled "What the f**k just happened!?!?!?" a familiar male voice spoke "Look!" a familiar female voice spoke "A pony!" "... You know you're both ponies, right?" an irritated Rarity responded "No I'- Holy j***a s**t! I am!!!" "What did I say?" "I'm now cute!!!" the female spoke. A dog's barking was heard. "EDGAR!!!" The male voice yelled "DEUTSCHLAND!!!" Deadpool Teleported inside the Carousel Boutique, hanging onto one of the corners of the roof. In front of Rarity was a golden yellow stallion earth pony with a blonde mane & tail, having a fist for a cutie mark; a light brown pegasus mare with a mane looking similar to Rarity's (when it's wet), that had different shades of brown, & a simple flower for her cutie mark; Right next to them were two pugs: a really chubby pug that had the color of 'Otis' from the movie 'Milo and Otis' and a black one. "...Really? Pewdiepie?" What!?!?!? The people requested that you meet him! "He ain't a f**king Brony!!!" True, but he has played MLP related games and Mods before, remember? "Most were unknown to him!" What about the 'Luna Game' games? "... f**k. Continue." Thank you! "Who are you?" Rarity asked "The name's Pewdiepie!!!" The duck responded. "WE GOT ONE!!!" Deadpool yelled above "WE GOT ONE!!!" Everyone looked up at him, only for Deadpool to lose his grip and fall down to the floor, face-first!. The Black pug began to bark again. "EDGAR!!! DEUTSCHLAND!!!" Deadpool lifted himself up, seeing the most famous 'Let's play' person on youtube with, at least, 35 million subscribers! "Who is he?" The pegasus with Pewds asked "...I think... It's Deadpool!!! Ha Ha Ha!!! Deadpool is here, Marzia!" "Deadpool?" Deadpool teleported, carrying Marzia in his arms "That's right!" Deadpool announced "Deadpool: The Merc with the Mouth and most beloved Canadian of all time! I'm just as popular as your boyfriend, the most beloved Switzerlandian of all time!" "You both know each other?" Rarity and Marzia asked in unison, stopping and staring at each other. "...No." The two males replied together, also in unison. "...I'll decide whether or not it's true or not," Rarity spoke in a bit of an annoyed tone. "Deadpool: why don't you take this lovely couple away for a second? I've got to get back to work!" Rarity laid the Living tombstone on a chair, looking at his, though simple, mane and wondering how she could change it. Pewds looked over her shoulder. "Whatcha doing girl?" Pewds asked as if he were a pervert. "I'm just finding a way to make him FABULOUS!!!" "F-f-fab-u-lous?" Rarity turned and saw Pewds twitch crazily "Is... there something wrong? I apologize if I-" "I WANT TO BE FABILOUS AS WELL!!!" "Oh no." Marzia commented, face hoofing herself. "You want to... fabulized!?!?!?" Rarity asked "No!" Deadpool spoke, standing next to Pewd. "WE want to be Fabulized!!!" "... Consider it Done!!! Please, take a seat!" The two men sat in their own chair, next to each other! Though Pewds was now a pony, he seemed to be well adjusted to moving around and sitting as he normally did as a human. Rarity began her work on the three men, doing all she can to make the three men more presentable and, you guessed it, F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S!!! 3 hours later: Rarity finished fabulizing the three men, setting their seats up and allowing them to see their new, much more fabulous looks. Living Tombstone, still derped up, now had his mane longer, but combed back to look very gentleman like, while wearing a tuxedo. Deadpool, despite wearing a mask, had the Kawaii eyes, pink blushes on his cheeks, pure blonde Cadence like hair style in a pink tutu with matching High Heels, and Pewds... he had Rarty's eyes now, but he had on one of those pink, fluffy scarfs (I have no idea what they're called), ear rings, a tiara, and black high heels. Rarity giggled at the look on their faces. "Oh my," She spoke "I think those pranks Rainbow Dash and Pinkie have taught me well! I can't wait to see al the town residents point at you and-" "I'M SO FABULOUS!!!" Pewds and Deadpool yelled together. Rarity stopped and gave a curious look. "You're... not angry?" "No!" "I'm so fabulous!!!" Pewds continued "You're so fabulous," Deadpool spoke "but I'm so fancy!" "Fancy!?!?!?" Rarity asked in shock. Deadpool teleported with everyone, and they found themselves inside the class of the local school. Maya (or Jabba the Hut) and Edgar were in purses, as Maya was carried around by Deadpool while Edgar with Pewds. The ponies around them just stared at the strangely dressed men. The beginning beat of a particular Iggy song began to play. "Oh God!" Pediepie yelled "Not this song!" "Why are we doing this?" Rarity asked, giving a questionable look "And why here!?!?!?" "Because... ♫First things first, I'm the realest!♫" Deadpool began to sing. "♫Drop this and let the whole world feel it! And I'm still in the Murda Business, I can hold you down, like I'm givin' lessons in physics. You should want a bad b***h like this! Drop it low and pick it up just like this! Cup of Ace, cup of Goose, cup of Cris High heels, somethin' worth a half a ticket on my wrist! Takin' all the liquor straight, never chase that! Rooftop like we bringin' '88 back! Bring the hooks in, where the bass at? Champagne spillin', you should taste that!♫" "♫I'm so fancy,♫" Everyone their group sang, not even sure why they're singing along AT ALL! "♫You already know! I'm in the fast lane... From L.A. to Tokyo. I'm so fancy, Can't you taste this gold? Remember my name, 'bout to blow!♫" "♫I said baby, I do this, I thought that, you knew this! Can't stand no haters and honest, the truth is And my flow r******d, they speak it, depart it. Swagger on super, I can't shop at no department. Better get my money on time, if they not money, decline, and swear I meant that there so much that they give that line a rewind. So get my money on time, if they not money, decline I just can't worry 'bout no haters, gotta stay on my grind! Now tell me, who that, who that? That do that, do that? Put that paper over all, I thought you knew that, knew that I be that D-P-O-O-L, put my name in bold I been working, I'm up in here with some change to throw!♫" "♫I'm so fancy, You already know! I'm in the fast lane... From L.A. to Tokyo. I'm so fancy, Can't you taste this gold? Remember my name, 'bout to blow! Trash the hotel! Let's get drunk on the mini bar. Make the phone call, Feels so good getting what I want, yeah! Keep on turning it up. Chandelier swinging, we don't give a f**k! Film star, yeah I'm deluxe, Classic, expensive, you don't get to touch, ow!♫" "♫Still stunting, how you love that? Got the whole world asking how I does that? Hot girl, hands off, don't touch that! Look at that I bet you wishing you could clutch that! Just the way you like it, huh? You're so good, he's just wishing he could bite it, huh? Never turn down money, Slaying these h**s, gold trigger on the gun like-♫" "♫I'm so fancy, You already know! I'm in the fast lane... From L.A. to Tokyo. I'm so fancy, Can't you taste this gold? Remember my name, 'bout to blow!♫" "♫Who that, who that, D-P-O-O-L! That do that, do that, D-P-O-O-L! Who that, who that, D-P-O-O-L! Who that, who that, D-P-O-O-L! That do that, do that, D-P-O-O-L! Who that, who that, D-P-O-O-L!♫" Their song ended. Don't... ever... do that again. It wasn't even as sexy as the music video!!! "That was... interesting." Rarity commented, her pupils really wide. "Well... that was... fun." Pewds commented "Any way this is recorded?" "Of course!" Deadpool replied "The author wrote all of this, so either the Real you does it or, more than likely, some guy animates this!!!" "...What!?!?!?" "This is so weird." Marzia commented. "Seflie!!!" Deadpool spoke, lifting the two up to his face with their pugs. "Oh yeah!" Pewds yelled "Fabulized!!!" The picture was taken, but... with weirdness: Deadpool's face now had Edgar's, Edgar had a random unicorn's face, Pewds was now a muscular man with only his pony head to the body, Marzia was now a kitty cat, and Maya... well... she's still Jabba the Hut. "...What the f**k!?!?!?" "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! THE DUCK STRIKES AGAIN!!!" Somewhere: Sibsy's ear twitched and she turned to the school. "What's wrong?" Mando asked, holding a small duckling in his right hoof. "A DUCK IS IN THERE!!!" Sibsy yelled. She opened her wings and flew to the school at speeds that would impress Rainbow Dash. A hole was made in the school wall. Everyone turned to see Sibsy having her crazed look. "Where's the duck?" She asked. Deadpool, Marzia, and the pugs all pointed at Pewds. "DUCKY!!!" She flew into Pewds,causing another hole in the wall, and began to fly away with him. "HELP!!!" Pewdiepie Yelled "Pewdie!!!" Marzia yelled. She began to run towards him, though on her hind legs, making her look like she was waddling after him than, well running after him. The pugs followed, both barking as loud as they can. Author's Note Pewdiepie, if you find this, I just want you to know... that you.. are so KAWAII!!! Please, watch the show: Rarity will DEFINITELY be your favorite and, if you're like Weird Al, you too could be in the show as a new character!!! (A pony just named "Let's Play", maybe?). Pewd's channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/PewDiePie Pewdiepie Pony: https://derpicdn.net/img/2013/4/5/289213/full.png Marzia Pony: http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/092/7/2/__redesign___cutiepie_marzia___by_xanikrawlerlazarx-d605p7m.png The waddle-chase came from the end of this:
More straightforward than the Terminator movies. Pony #66: LittlepipDeadpool teleported out of the school, landing right near the edge of the Everfree forest. Why are we here? To get away from that mess made in the school. "Oh yes!" Deadpool spoke "And when they look for us, they'll believe that we were here all along! Now, you the audience, would you kindly not watch while I take a p**s? I haven't emptied it since the beginning of this fanfic!" Are we gonna take a s**t as well!?!?!? Please author... don't mention the details. Don't worry! I'm not going to tell the audience in detail. Basically, unless you're a robot reading this, then you know what happens when you have to use the restroom. While Deadpool was doing his business, another green portal opened just a few feet away and a pony fell out of it. As soon as the pony fell out, the portal closed right behind it, leaving it to the outside world. "Hello!?!?!?!?" The pony yelled "Is anypony here!?!?!?" "YO!!!" Deadpool yelled back, finishing his business with some leaves. "Are you a raider!?!?!?" "Hell no! I don't celebrate 'American Football'!!! I celebrate good ol' Canadian Football!!!" "...Come out!" "Alright, alright... just let me while here." After a few seconds of waiting, Deadpool walked right out and saw the pony: it was a light grey unicorn mare with a brown, Derpy looking mane & tail, with deceive around her right foreleg wearing what looks like a jumpsuit from the Fallout games, minus the pants, showing that her cutie mark was the device she wore. Hold on! Do we know her from somewhere? That's... Little Pip from Fallout: Equestria!!! Deadpool took a single step forward and Little Pip pulled out her iconic 'Little Macintosh', aiming at Deadpool's head. "Don't you take another step!" Little Pip growled "Make another step and I will blow your f**king brains out!!!" "Alright!" Deadpool replied, waving his hands in an innocent way. "Need anything?" "...Where the hell am I?" "Pardon?" "That Green portal! It sucked me away from my allies and I'm now here! Where is here!?!?!?" "Have... you tried your Pipbuck?" "I did! It says I'm in Ponyville: This ain't Ponyville!!!" "How do you know?" She looked to the town, seeing all the stuff. "I've been to Ponyville before! This is far too nice looking and... clean... and safe looking... than the ponyville... I... oh s**t. Is it just me, or is it hot around here!?!?!?" "...seems fine to me." "Well... I can tell that this is NOT ponyville! From where I'm from, this town was destroyed! Only bandits and scavengers live there, all struggling for survival and-and..." "Are... you feeling alright?" "...No!!! This isn't right!!! This is far too peaceful for Ponyville! The oxygen is fresh, there's color everywhere, and it's peaceful! How is this-" "What year were you from?" "...Pardon?" "What year are you from?" "... the year 3056. Why?" "That explains why!" "WHAT!?!?!? Say it or I'll-" "This is the year 2015!!!" "...What?" "Yep! 2015!" Little Pip stared at Deadpool. She looked at her pip buck and looked through her stuff, just to see if she's on something, is suffering from radiation poisoning, lack of sleep, or something. Sure enough, the date on her pip buck read 2015 on it. "I... time traveled?... I time traveled. I TIME TRAVELED!!!" She started to hop around happily, repeating yelling 'yes' in a circle, almost like Twilight Sparkle. She ran into Deadpool and jumped into his arms! "Whoa there! Easy!" "Don't you know what this means!?!?!? I can tell everypony what will happen and what they must NOT do! I can prevent the Fallout! I can save all of these lives!!! I can really be a hero!!! Thank you Mr...-" "It's Deadpool." "Deadpool? I take it you've killed multiple ponies?" "Only an evil Centaur that destroyed the golden oak library!" "Huh... so the bombs... didn't destroy the library? Anyways: Is Celestia still alive!?!?!?" "Yep!" "QUICK!!! I need to get to her! I believe trains work here, right?" "Yep!" "Alright: we can take a train, head there, and fight off the bandits that- Oh... wait... there aren't bandits here, right?" "As far as I've been here, nope!" "Ugh... come on Littlepip: we're in a safer time! I doubt there's anything we should fear, right?" "Hm... taxes!" "Right... well, we can get to Celestia and-" Deadpool jumped into the air and they both landed right in front of the throne room. Littlepip's mouth remained open, in total awe, seeing the beautifully made land in it's glory. Celestia sat in her throne room, using her magic to write some letter down and enjoying some cake. She turned and saw the two. "Aw. Deadpool." She simply spoke "I hope you haven't been causing trouble around here." "Nothing to worry about, Sunbutt!" Deadpool replied "Sunbutt!?!?!? I'll... got to that later. Who's that?" "A pony from the future!!!" "...a pony... from... the future?" "Yep! Go on Little Pip, tell 'er about the future!" Deadpool gently dropped Little Pip. She stood there, shaking at seeing the Princess in flesh! "Go on. Are you really from the future? Tell me: what is it like? Do all the nations unite as one? It technology so advanced we've achieved the impossible!?!?!? Do I have kids?" Little Pip shook her head. "Um... no, your majesty." Little pip replied "Look, a lot of bad stuff happens in the future!" "Oh my! Like what?" "Well... I will just say one thing: Nuclear war!" "... come. I must hear this." "Yes Celestia. After hearing what I have to say, you'll thank when I'm born!" "Almost forgot!" Deadpool yelled, picking up Little Pip "Selfie!!!" "Selfie?" "I want to see if it's like 'Back to the Future'." "...How does that work?" "If it works, then you disappear!!!" "Um... alright?" "MENTATS!!!" "WHERE!?!?!?" Their picture was taken with Deadpool smiling and Little Pip looking to her left, looking for the mentats. The grand doors opened, and Luna with Sweetie Belle walked in. "And that," Luna spoke "is how I'd survive the apocalypse." "Wow Luna," Sweetie replied "All of that planned out! But... what about Celestia?" "Her? Hm... perhaps I'll upload her personality into something so she can live virtually. Oh! Hello... Deadpool." "Mooncheeks." Deadpool relied. Luna growled a bit. He looked down at Sweetie Belle "How's one of my students doing in their training?" "It's going great!" Sweetie replied "I've only caused 12 breaks to happen, all vases!!! Who's your friend?" Little Pip stared at Sweetie Belle, her left eye twitching rapidly and she stood perfectly still. "Hi! I'm Sweetie Belle!" "G-g-great G-g-grandma?" Little Pip stammered out before falling to the floor on her left side, unconscious. "...who is that pony?" Luna asked "She's from the future!" Deadpool simply replied. "THE FUTURE!?!?!?" Sweetie yelled. She ran to the unconscious Little Pip and started to climb her. She stood on "I can't to hear what the future holds!!! When she wakes up, I'm going to ask her how I got my cutie mark!!!" A golden aura surrounded Little Pip and she began to float away. Sweeite jumped off "HEY!!!" "Don't worry, Sweetie Belle" Celestia replied "I will need to talk to her first before she can spend time with you." "...Alright. I can't wait to spend time with her!!! She seems so funny!!!" Until she realizes that Little Pip is one of her descendants. STOP RUINING MOMENTS!!! Author's Note Yeah, Terminator Genysis... you really can't spell "Genesis"!?!?!? If the movie sucks, then at least you gave us a memorable song: I've never read the Fallout Equestria stories, so I didn't add a bunch of stuff, only the things I know for CERTAIN!!! And yes, 'Time Paradox', but seriously, this ain't lie the "Butterfly Effect" where one simple change will affect EVERYTHING!!! Imagine that: I fart in the revolutionary war, next thing, Fallout in today's time! Who should Deadpool meet next?
The Wonderbolts!!! Pony # 67 & 68: Spitfire and Soarin.Twilight stood next to Nyx inside Ponyville's castle. Right in front of them was a regular apple. "Aright Nyx," Twilight spoke "I'm sure you can do this." "But Twilight," Nyx replied "what if I'm not strong enough!" "You have to be strong! Don't worry: it's an apple, nothing bad is going to happen." "Ar-Are you sure?" "Positive!" "Alright... if you say so." Nyx's horn began to glow. She aimed it at the apple. Deadpool teleported right in front of the apple. "WAZZUP!!!" Deadpool yelled like the guys from that Budweiser commercial. Nyx screamed, releasing a beam at Deadpool! He fell to the floor, twitching uncontrollably. "DEADPOOL!!!!" Twilight yelled. Deadpool opened his eyes, feeling something wrong with his back. "Twilight," Deadpool simply spoke "is there something wrong with my back?" Twilight flipped Deadpool to his front with an angered grunt, but gasped at what she saw. "Oh my! Deadpool... you have wings!" "WINGS!?!?!? I'M A PRINCESS!!!" "NO!!! You have Butterfly wings!!!" "...Close enough!!!" The butterfly wings on Deadpool's back started to flutter, carrying the Merc. Deadpool laughed like an idiot, seeing himself flying. "Should we hold him in?" Nyx asked "We should." Twilight agreed "Deadpool, please-" Deadpool was gone, and they both looked outside, seeing the Merc flying around in a single green dress, laughing maniacally "LOOK AT ME EQUESTRIA!!!" Deadpool yelled "I. AM. DEADPOOL!!!" All the ponies below stared at the Merc, gasping at what's happening. Deadpool fluttered around the town, shaking his butt and... gold glitter fell down? Deadpool... what the f**k are you- "Relax! You'll see what happens." "What in Tarnation!?!?!?" Applejack below yelled, next to Pinkie "Pinkie, did ya'll gave Deadpool golden glitter?" "Nope!" Pinkie replied "...Are ya'll sure? I mean that he's- WHOAH!!!" Applejack began to float into the air, turning uncontrollably. Pinkie followed, though she had more control over it and released her 'Whee!'. Soon, every earth pony and unicorn began to float, all not even knowing how to control it. So... you just got Pixie Dust straight from Peter Pan? "Of course I did!" Said you know who "How else did I get this Tinker Bell Dress!?!?!? HUH!?!?!? From a $5 S**t!?!?!?" Uh... I'm not even going to answer that. Please, just... find somepony to hangout with, okay? "CAN DO!!!" Deadpool began to fly to the city of Cloudsdale: home of the most famous pegasi in Equestrian history! Many of the pegasi there stood and stared at Deadpool in his questionable Tinker Bell outfit & butterfly wings, but most just remember one thing: It's like Pinkie Pie, only more dangerous! Two familiar pegasi in the show sat in a booth: one was a pale cornflower blue male with Dark grayish phthalo blue mane & tail and his cutie mark was a lightning bolt with wings. The other was a brilliant gold female with Light brilliant orange mane & tail with light brilliant amber stripes and her cutie mark was some fire. The male was busy eating a pie messily while the other watched in disgust with only a simple hay sandwich in her hooves. "Soarin," the female spoke "when are you EVER going to use a fork?" "Whenever I eat spaghetti!" Soarin replied with some pie still in his mouth. "I meant with your pies." Soarin swallowed his pie and looked back at the female "Spitfire: these are pies! They're mean to to be eaten by me in such a delicious way! Plus, today's annual pie day!!! Another pie, please!!!" Deadpool teleported next to them, still flapping his gay, butterfly wings to not fall. "I'm going to pretend you didn't call my wings 'gay', MrAquino." Deadpool replied "DEADPOOL!?!?!?" The two shouted "That's right! Deadpool is here!!! Not even the sky can hold me down!!! If only Thor were here, man would he be p***ed!!!" "... are those... butterfly wings?" Soarin asked "They are indeed!" "How did you-" Soarin was abut to ask "Accident." "Oh!" they both spoke. The waiter pegasus came out and gave Soarin another pie. "... can you get me another pie?" Soarin asked "I think this should go for Deadpool." "Of course." the waiter replied. Soarin nuzzled the pie to Deadpool. "For me?" Deadpool asked, blushing, giggling with his right hand over his mouth, & having eyes that are so kawaii! "For you!" Soarin replied, though a bit freaked out. Deadpool pulled out a super tiny knife with a super tiny fork & slowly cut his way through the pie. For 12 seconds, he continued to cut through the pie, but never busted through the crust. "...F**K THIS!!!" Deadpool punted the pie into the air and pulled out one of his swords! the pie fell, and he sliced the pie into a bunch of pieces, making both Spitfire and Soarin jump! The pie landed, still in one piece, but then fell into multiple pieces. "Impressive!" Spitfire commented "Take it those were the same skills you used to defeat Tirek?" "You could say that." "I just wanna know one thing: is it alright if we learn some of those fighting moves?" MORE STUDENTS!!! Only not as cute. "...I don't know," Deadpool replied "maybe it will-" "We'll pay you!" "...Done! I'll meet you at your headquarters." One pie and a few extra minutes later. Spitfire and Soarin stood, patiently waiting for Deadpool to appear. Luckily, Deadpool came in, still having the stupid butterfly wings, but was now in a karate suit & had on an old kung fu master beard. "...Really?" Spitfire asked "I am your master here!" Deadpool replied "And we will do things my way!" "What are we going to do?" Soarin asked, stretching his wings out. "You want to know how I fight, right?" "We do!" they both replied "Well, Welcome to the Deadpool Dojo: I trust that you are here to redeem yourself and to require the skills that are necessary to your goals. Are you ready, young ones? I shall give you my best. But first, let's see if you can challenge my rap." "Redeem ourselves?" Spitfire asked "Yong ones and Rap?" Soarin asked, turning to Deadpool "What do you mean by this?" Chinese sounding pop music began to play, followed by Deadpool releasing a martial artist scream! "♫Kick! Punch! It's all in the mind,♫" Deadpool rapped to the beat. "♫If you wanna test me, I'm sure you'll find. The things I'll teach ya is sure to beat ya. But nevertheless you'll get a lesson from the teacher.♫ Now Kick!!! "Kick!!!" The two responded, following all of Deadpool's moves. "Punch!" "Punch!" "Chop!" "Chop!" "Block!" "Block!" "Once more now Kick!" "Kick!" "Punch!" "Punch!" "Chop!" "Chop!" "And Block!" "Block!" "♫Don't get cocky, it's gonna get rocky, We gonna move down to the next ya jockey!♫ Now Duck!" "Duck!" "Jump!" "Jump!" "Turn!" "Turn!" "Pose!" "Pose!" "Listen Carefully: Jump!" "Jump!" "Pose!" "Pose!" "Duck!" "Duck!" "And Turn!" "Turn!" "♫Hm, yeah I see you're gettin better. Kick to the limit in order to get her!♫ Now Kick, Punch!" "Kick, punch!" "Chop, block!" "Chop, block!" "Chop, kick!" "Chop, kick!" "Punch, block!" "Punch, block!" "It's gonna get harder now! Duck and Jump!" "Duck, Jump!" "Turn and pose!" "Turn, Pose!" "Duck and turn!" "Duck, Turn!" "Jump and pose!" "Jump, pose!" "♫Come on now, why don'tcha follow my words? Because we're almost done, I'll make it easy at first. I wanna see if you wanna see what it means to be the man with the master plan, are you the man now?♫ Here we go, now! Kick, punch, block!!!" "Kick, punch, block!" "Chop, kick, block!" "Chop, kick, block!" "Block, turn, and kick it!!!" "Block, turn, kick!!!" "Block, duck, punch!" "Block, duck, punch!" "Duck, duck, turn!" "Duck, duck, turn!" "Jump, kick, chop!" "Jump, kick, chop!" "And Punch, punch, punch!!!" "Punch, punch, punch!!!" Deadpool released another kung fu scream, releasing both Spitfire and Soarin from his musical and 90's video game classic that was only remembered thanks to the boring Super Smash knock off. "That's it for today! Good job, my little ponies, you can go on to the next stage now!" "Next stage!?!?!?" They both asked. "More like, A selfie!" "A selfie!?!?!?" "A picture, okay?" "...Oh!" The two flew to Deadpool and he took their picture with the two of them! "Alright! Now, I must go!" Deadpool began to fly away. Just at the edge of the base, he fell down into unconsciousness. "DEADPOOL!!!" Soarin yelled "Don't worry about him." Spitfire spoke "if there's one thing I've heard, it's that he can't die!" "...you believe those words?" "No doubt about it!" At Twilight's house: "What do you think will happen to Deadpool?" Nyx asked "I don't know," Twilight responded "if he's lucky, he will just fall down and splat into the floor." "What's the worst?" "He falls into poison joke or, with his wings, he becomes a Breezie." "How do you know that?" "Books." "...Oh... should we look for him?" "He'll come back, sooner or later. Author's Note Yes, I know: annual pie day is March 14. And if any of you don't know (can't blame you, though), the rap is from an old Videogame called "Parappa the Rapper": Who should Deadpool meet next!?!?!?
Hello everybody, my name is *Jeff!* Pony # 69: Markiplier. Hello everybody, my name is *Jeff!* Pony # 69: Markiplier. Deadpool fell from the sky, passing the clouds and falling straight to the ground. Luckily, he wasn't anywhere near the forest, where he could land in poison joke and have something horrible happen to him as a joke (turn into an 'IT'... like Justin Beiber, maybe?). Anyways, Deadpool free fell not into the woods, but a plain open field that another pony was at. This pony was a light tan stallion with a short, curved up mane & tail, completed with a black T-shirt, a pink gentleman mustache, and a cutie Mark that was the letter 'M', all in capital, red, and made to look like it's 8-Bit. The stallion curved his pink mustache, but was curious on what's going on, where is he, and why is he in this particular area. *SPLAT!!!* The body of Deadpool fell right in front of the Stallion's hooves, just a few inches away. "HOLY BALLS!!!" The stallion yelled. Deadpool right arm & hand flailed in the air a bit, before grabbing onto his own head and lifting it off the floor. Deadpool looked into the stallion, who carefully stepped back from him. Hold on! That mustache looks familiar! Of course it does. His name is- JEFF!!! ...We're still using that vine joke? Why wasn't it famous BEFORE the movie came out!?!?!? HUH!?!?!? Explain that, Viners!!! My name is Jeff!!! YOU STUPID MOTHER F***ER!!! THAT'S- "MARKIPLIER!!!" Deadpool yelled, standing up all healed. "...Wait a minute," Mark spoke "you just fell from the sky and splatted all over the floor." "Yeah!" "And... you're now standing?" "Yeah!" "...All healed?" "Cut to the case." "Are you... Deadpool!?!?!?" "The one and only!!!" "Hold on! Aren't you owned by Marvel, and isn't Marvel owned by Disney?" "Yes and yes!" "But... we are in the land of Equestria." "And how do you know that?" "Well, for starters, I have been turned into a Pony! I'm just wondering how I know how to walk on all 4 legs right now, especially when I have my fly pink mustache on! Second, I have seen ponies everywhere, from the super shy Fluttershy to the cross eyed Derpy. And to clear this all up between us, I am NOT a Brony! I don't hate Bronies, I'm just not interested in the show." "All understandable." "And how did I end up here!!! Last thing I remember doing was playing 5 Nights at Freddy's 3, just moments away from a jumpscare!" "Oh don't worry, a lot of other people are experiencing what you're through!" "Wait! Really!?!?!?" "Yeah!" "Like who?" "HELP!!!" a familiar swedish duck yelled from above "I'm being kidnapped!!!... Or ducknaped!!!" The two looked up, seeing Pewdiepie being carried by his tail, which was held in Sibsy's mouth. "Wait a minute... PEWDIEPIE!?!?!?" "MARKIPLIER!?!?!? HELP ME!!!" "I'm coming!!!" Pewds girlfriend yelled, still running on her hind hooves, followed by two yapping pugs. "Sibsy!!!" Mandopony yelled, following Pewd's lover. "Drop him!!! That is not a duck!!! That is a famous 'Let's Play' guy on Youtube!!!" "YES!!!" Pewds yelled "Listen to the not-so-handsome-or-fabulous-pony-compared-to-me stallion!!!" "Hold on," Deadpool spoke "I got this." Deadpool looked down and, as you can guess, a duck waddled between the two. Deadpool quickly snatched the duck and squeezed it, causing it to release a *QUACK!!!*. Sibsy's ears perked up and she turned to Deadpool, seeing only the duck. "DUCKY!!!" Sibsy yelled. She dropped Pewdiepie, causing him to fall, but luckily, his girlfriend caught him, even if it was rough. Deadpool threw the duck into the air and Sibsy caught it, landing just a few inches away from them, petting her duck. "Is she like that?" Mark asked "Probably not back home," Deadpool replied "but here... yeah... she's bat-s**t for ducks." "Come on Ducky." Sibsy spoke, petting the duck "let me hear you quack!" The duck stared at Sibsy and did this that surprised her: "...This world is so weird!!!" Markiplier yelled "It is!" Pewds agreed, walking with Marzia and holding Edgar in his front left leg. "But I like it!!!" "WHAT!?!?!?" "These ponies know how to fabulize me, and you know how much I enjoy being FA-BU-LOUS!!!" "And I enjoy if for now being a cute pegasus!" Marzia replied, smiling a, well, cute smile "And look! I can fly!!!" She flapped her wings and floated off the ground a bit, but quickly landed "Well, kinda. I need to practice." "So... none of you want to go home!?!?!?" Mark asked "Oh, we do! We just don't know... how, per say." "I already know: Hey! Celestia! Send me home mother f***er!" "You know this land!?!?!?" Pewds asked "NO!!! I know this land as much as you, Pewds!" "Oh... but, it can't hurt to know this land better, should it?" "I have no idea. Deadpool? Found a way for us to get info!" "TO TWILIGHT'S CASTLE!!!" Deadpool yelled They were all in front of Twilight's castle just like that. "...I'm not even going to question why." Markiplier spoke "Ah yes," Deadpool spoke, pulling out his phone "care... for a selfie?" "A selfie!?!?!? Why!?!?!?" "2 Reasons: 1) to Cherish this memory and 2) When it's sent to Facebook, my old buddies will wonder where I'm at, and where you're all at! So, if I'm guessing right, this will take... a couple of weeks for them to build a portal and get us outta here! How's that sound?" "...Fine!" "Just look on the bright side: No Five Nights at Freddy's animatronics around!" Probably until the next chapter. SHUT THE F**K UP!!! Deadpool took his Selfie with a mustache stroking Markiplier. The door to Twilight's castle opened, as a mare stood there wearing a hazmat suit & carrying a bunch of tools. "Oh!" The mare spoke through her helmet "Deadpool! Are you... hit with poison joke?" "Nope!" Deadpool replied "Huh... I see you still have those butterfly wings." "Yep!" "And... new ponies I presume?" "Definitely." "Are... that like the couple who claim to be from a different world?" "Exactly." "...Alright. Come on in you guys, I'll get this suit off." Mark, Pewds & his girlfriend, carrying their pugs, walked inside "Say, are those pugs?" Author's Note To make up for the lack of humor, here's 5 Nights at Freddy's 2 in a Nutshell: Markiplier here: https://www.youtube.com/user/markiplierGAME
SHUT UP!!! Pony # 70 & 71: Ian & Anthony (From Smosh).Author's Note Ian and Crazier Deadpool Anthony and Logical Deadpool. All!!! Smosh's channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/smosh SHUT UP!!! Pony # 70 & 71: Ian & Anthony (From Smosh). Another green portal appeared right behind Deadpool, and two ponies came out, one on top of another. Both were stallions, have brown manes & tails, and had a super light brown coat, but there were some differences between the two. For starters, the first one was lighter, a unicorn, had a bit of fuzz that would eventually grow into a beard, & his cutie mark was a donut and was on top. The other was a pegasus, a bit darker, didn't have a fuzz, and his cutie mark was a unicorn horn (the candy, not the anatomy of a unicorn!) while on the bottom. The way their manes looked very similar to a particular duo from the internet, one that began with low quality videos when youtube just began. "Whoa! Where and what the hell just happened, Anthony?" The unicorn asked "I have no f***in' clue!" Anthony replied "But... are we... in 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'?" "Do you... feel a bit strange?" They both looked at each other, muzzles nearly touching each other. They stared at each other for a minute, then screamed, both getting up in a state of panic! "Ian!!! Dude, you're a unicorn!!!" "A what!?!?!?" Ian touched his head and felt his horn. He pointed back at Anthony "Oh yeah! You're a pegasus!!!" Anthony looked at his wings, having them raise as he flinched at his own sight. "... How are we going to get back home!?!?!?" "I have no clue!!! You really think I have a plan!?!?!?" "You do make plans for the videos, so yes, HAVE A F***ING PLAN!!!" "SHUT UP!!!" "HOLY F***ING S**T!!!" Deadpool's voice yelled "IT'S SMOSH!!!" "...Who's there?" Anthony asked, shivering and hugging Ian. Ian pushed his friend away, giving a look that looked similar to Kevin Hart's 'Stop that! That's Gay!!!' Deadpool appeared in a puff of smoke, wearing a cowboy hat and on Ian's back! "GET HIM OFF!!!" Ian yelled, bucking wildly. Deadpool held onto Ian's mane with his left hand and held his hat with the right, acting like a cowboy at a rodeo! "YEE HAW!!! GET IT ON LITTLE DOGGY!!!" "I got him!!!" Anthony yelled. He turned around, aimed a bit, and, bucked Deadpool in the face! Deadpool fell to the floor, holding his hat over his chest as if he were dead. "You... got me... pardner!" "Hold on. Are... you Deadpool!?!?!?" "Of course!" He jumped into the air and landed on his feet. "Deadpool is the name and Speed's my game!" Wrong Franchise. OOH!!! We're getting requests for Sonic to join!!! "Deadpool... is real?" Ian asked, turning his head curiously "Of course I'm real! I'm as real the author's love life!" "...I... don't get it." "He's still a virgin!" "How... are you not a pony, Deadpool?" Anthony asked "And long have you been here?" "That? Well in this story, it's at least a couple of days, but for the author's time... Since November 3, 2014." "THAT LONG!?!?!?" They both asked "Eeyup!" "But... what have you been doing?" Ian asked "Many things: getting acquainted with other ponies, killing a bunch of changelings, decapitating a f***ing centaus with my own swords, and performing many famous songs for the sake of lols." "...Songs?" "Eeyup! I doubt Twilight or any of the princesses know a spell that can take you home, though. Might as well enjoy it here, though." "Great!!!" Anthony yelled "We're stuck here in candy land!!!" "It's actually 'Equestria'." "SHUT UP!!!" "Hey!" Ian replied "At least you're a pegasus! You can fly! I'm a unicorn with this stupid horn sticking out like a sore thumb! ... or... Hoof? A p***s? Do ponies have p***ses?" "... Um... I never... think... about... that." Deadpool replied. "Wait a minute!" Anthony spoke, looking down at himself "WE'RE NAKED!?!?!?" Everyone stood still, awkwardly wondering about their situation. Deadpool pulled out his phone. "...EWWW!!!" The two yelled "QUICKLY!!!" Ian yelled "Find some clothing!!!" Ian bended over and began to look for something to cover their new naked selves. Anthony, unfortunately, saw his behind. "DUDE!!!" Anothey yelled "What!?!?!?" "Don't show me your furry @$$!!! THAT'S GROSS!!!" "Well Excuse ME, ANTHONY!!! I'm trying to find us clothes!!!" "You can at least do it WITHOUT showing me your new butt and it's TIE!!!" "... you mean my tail?" "... SHUT UP!!!" "YOU SHUT UP!!!" The two began to argue with each other Well... it looks like good ol' Dr. Deadpool is needed. Let's see what they need! ... M-hmm... I see... AMPUTATION!!! WHAT THE F**K!?!?!? No! They need help settling their differences! Oh sure, Just like you on being a complete nerd! HEY!!! At least I'm not an idiot!!! SHUT UP!!! NO!!! You SHUT UP!!! Deadpool stood there, listening to the Smosh duo and his own voices argue with each other. "Can you believe this spell can make any pony's opposites come out from itself?" Twilight asked, followed by the various Youtubers and Bronies. "What is it with her obsession over books?" Markiplier asked. Immediately, he was slapped across the face by ILoveKimPossibleALot, who held a Discord balloon in her mouth. "Don't you ever talk bad about her books!" Kim yelled! "And don't you ever talk bad about Senpai!!!" "♫Senpai suck my @$$!♫" Pewdiepie sang. Deadpool appeared in front of them and stepped on Twilight's tail. Twilight shrieked, and a lone blast came out of her horn. It flew into the air and Deadpool appeared right in front of it and was hit. He fell down, and Two Deadpool appeared now. A boom box fell onto the decapitated, but still alive, head of Tirek, and music began to play. "Great." Tirek said "Another song." As he spoke about that, the two sides stared down at each other, and jammed out to the music. "What's happeing!?!?!?" Ian asked in fear "Are we... dancing?" Anthony asked, observing that they're both dancing to the beat. "Just let the beat flow." Deadool 1 spoke (Orange) "Might as well get this over with." Deadpool 2 spoke (Blue). ♫We're Orange & Ian on the rap so mic it Here's a little story and you're sure to like it Swift and sly and I'm playing it keen With my homeboys, Blue & Anthony!♫ ♫Baby seems we never ever agree! You like the movies, and I like T.V.♫ ♫I take things serious, and you take 'em light!♫ ♫I go to bed early-♫ ♫And I party all night!♫ ♫Our friends are sayin' ♫ ♫We ain't gonna last ♫ ♫Cuz I move slowly ♫ ♫And baby I'm fast ♫ ♫I like it quiet ♫ ♫And I love to shout ♫ ♫But when we get together It just all works out♫ I take--2 steps forward ♫I take--2 steps back ♫ ♫We come together Cuz opposites attract And you know--♫ ♫it ain't fiction♫ ♫Just a natural fact♫ ♫We come together, Cuz opposites attract ♫ ♫Who'd a thought we could be lovers ♫ ♫She makes the bed♫ ♫And he steals the covers♫ ♫She likes it neat ♫ ♫And he makes a mess . I take it easy♫ ♫Baby I get obsessed. She's got the money ♫ ♫And he's always broke. I don't like cigarettes ♫ ♫And I like to smoke♫ ♫Things in common♫ ♫Just ain't a one ♫ ♫But when we get together We have nothin' but fun♫ ♫I take--2 steps forward♫ ♫I take--2 steps back♫ ♫We come together Cuz opposites attract And you know-♫ ♫-it ain't fiction♫ ♫Just a natural fact ♫ ♫We come together, 'Cuz opposites attract ♫ ♫Nothing in common but this trust. I'm like a minus, she's like a plus: One going up, one coming down, But we seem to land on common ground. When things go wrong we make corrections To keep things moving in the right direction, Try to fight it but I'm telling you Jack Its true- this- Opposites Attract!!! ♫ ♫Baby ain't it somethin' .How we lasted this long ♫ ♫You and me, Provin' everyone wrong ♫ ♫Don't think we'll ever get our differences patched ♫ ♫Don't really matter, 'Cuz we're perfectly matched ♫ ♫I take--2 steps forward♫ ♫I take--2 steps back♫ ♫We come together Cuz opposites attract And you know-♫ ♫-it ain't fiction♫ ♫Just a natural fact ♫ We come together, 'Cuz opposites attract The four went into a pose, showing how they were both opposites, but equal. "That was... Gay." Anthony commented "Tell me about it." Bluepool added "It was fun!" Ian spoke "Come on, Blue," orangepool said with a shrug "That is kinda our theme." "... yeah... it is." Bluepool spoke, blushing a bit. "Hey man," Anthony spoke, walking to Ian "I wanna say that... I'm sorry for that." "It's no biggy," Ian replied "I'm sorry for what I did." "Friends?" He extend his hoof out. "Friends!" He extend his hoof and shook it! "FRIENDSHIP!!!" The Pools yelled together with fireworks and pegasi flying above!!! "I think we should do it for him!" Orangepool spoke "...Yeah, we should." Bluepool spoke "What?" Smosh asked in unison. "A SELFIE!!!" They both yelled, pulling out their cellphone!" "...Fine." The pools got to their partner and took their selfie! The duo went away, recognizing their other Youtube friends & acquaintances. "...Who do you think the audience will choose next?" Bluepool asked "I dunno!" Orangepool replied "But MrAquino has a special for the 50th chapter coming soon!!!"
I'm great with kids!!! Pony 72 - 75: The Cakes(Mr. & Mrs. Cake, Pound Cake and Pumpkin cake)The day was getting late again, and the deadpool had to find a way to be turned back into one and find a place for the night! "Hey!" Orangepool yelled "Wanna make a Dragon Ball Z reference?" "What?" Bluepool replied "the 'it's over 9000' joke?" "No! How we're going to go back as one!" "... Fine. It may just work." Deadpool was back as his regular, crazy, red spandex wearing self! "That was so weird!" Deadpool spoke to himself I didn't that would actually work! And the narrator couldn't post the REAL clip? Instead, he posted a racist vine!?!?!? "Man! You're racist, MrAquino!" I'M NOT RACIST!!! Anyways, Deadpool was immediately tackled by some ponies who were rushing! "Oh my goodness!" A familiar woman voice spoke "Honey!?!?!?" "I See him dear!" Another, this one, male spoke. Deadpool regained his vision and, what he saw, were two ponies: a tall & slender light amber with orange freckled earth pony stallion with a light orange mane & tail, and a small & plump Very light cerulean earth pony mare with a Light crimson mane & light grayish crimson stripes that looked like icing to a cupcake. Deadpool could tell who they were. FINALLY!!! Ponies FROM the show and not any other Youtuber!!! I was hoping to meet Jontron. "I am so sorry there, Mr. Deadpool," Mrs. Cake spoke "My husband and I need to find a baby sitter for our foals!" "Come on sugar plum," Mr. Cake spoke "I can't believe we forgot about getting a baby sitter tonight!" "Hold on," Deadpool said "Isn't Pinkie available?" "We wish," Mrs. Cake replied "But she's in canterlot, helping a specific 'Tydal'." "...Oh!" "Come on honey!!!" Mr. Cake replied "Babbysitter! Stat!!!" "Hold on a minute... I CAN BE YOUR BABY SITTER!!!" The couple froze and stared at each other, then at Deadpool. They were both glad about Deadpool offering his assistance to them, but they heard his many... adventures, especially Tirek. But, from their little task, nopony was available at all! But... could Deadpool's randomness help him? He could be like Pinkie Pie on her first day, though he may have a distinct advantage with his... talents. Mr. Cake sighed in defeat. "Would you like to be the-" "ABSOLUTELY!!!" Deadpool threw his arms around the couple and teleported into Sugarcube corner! The couple wasn't sure how he did that, but, hey, it works. "Alright Deadpool," Mrs. Cake spoke with concern "are you sure you can-" "Oh please! I already saw the episode 'Baby Cakes', and I am prepared for anything!"This, according to his journey, is true. "See ya later!!!" The couple used their strength together to push another large cake away! Deadpool turned to the inside of the door, seeing the familiar babies: Poundcake, the light goldish grey pegasus colt with a brown mane & tail, and pumpkin cake, the light yellow unicorn filly with her father's mane color. Babies... I hate babies. GASP!!! HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT!?!?!? "Enough chat!" Deadpool spoke to himself, let's get ourselves aquatinted!" Deadpool did this: The babies stared at Deadpool, then laughed! Deadpool, underrate his mask, smiled and laughed with them, realizing how stupid it was! Deadpool pulled out his list *Feed Babies *burp 'em *change 'em *teach 'em *bop it! "Holy... Shnikey!!!" Deadpool yelled That's easier said than done, you know? That short!?!?!? "No! The author finally knows how to do those grey box things!!!" He stopped as he felt something rubbing his foot. Looking down, he saw the twins acting like cats, rubbing themselves against his leg for comfort. Deadpool's heart melted... No! Litterally!!! Deadpool!!! YOU'RE HEART IS MELTING!!!!" "What the- oh." He fell to the floor! If it weren't for his regenerative abilities, he'd be dead and this story would be short, but hey, we got a lot of canon ponies, bronies, O.C.s, and some youtubers we need to add! The twins climbed onto his chest, Pound cake pounding on his chest and pumpkin cake cheering! Deadpool used both of his hands to pet behind their ears, feeling them rub their heads into his hands with so much comfort! This... is... TOO CUTE!!! And that is why I hate babies. "Do... you guys want something to eat?" They both gurgled something, but not making anything out. they jumped off and looked at him, as Deadpool got up. He looked inside the fridge and pulled out some baby food. He placed the two in their seat and decided to spoon feed the two! With the spoon, he- Sorry, but due to the cuteness of this, we'll be skipping ahead to the stupid. Thank you for your time here in 'Deadpool in Equestria'! Deadpool took out a mic. "This," he spoke "is a lesson on animal noises." Music began to play, and I'm sure most of you know this. "♫Dog goes woof, cat goes meow, Bird goes tweet, and mouse goes squeak. Cow goes moo, Frog goes croak, and the elephant goes toot. Ducks say quack and fish go blub, and the seal goes OW OW OW! But there's one sound that no one knows... WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY!?!?!?♫" He appeared in a fox suit, with his taco squad, all in fox outfits as well! "♫Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!♫" Discord sang "♫Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!♫" "♫WHAT THE FOX SAY?♫" "♫Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!♫" Sonata sang "♫Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow! Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!♫" "♫WHAT THE FOX SAY?♫" "♫Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!♫" Pinkie sang "♫Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho! Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!♫" "♫WHAT THE FOX SAY?♫" "♫Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!♫" A lone changeling sang, popping out of Fluffle Puff's fur. "♫ Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff! Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff! "♫WHAT THE FOX SAY?♫" At that moment, Mr and Mrs. Cake entered, surprised to see Deadpool & some of his close friends doing this! A familiar anthropomorphic fox with two tails entered, wearing white gloves, with a morse machine in his hands. "♫Big blue eyes, pointy nose, chasing mice, and digging holes. Tiny paws, up the hill, suddenly you're standing still. Your fur is red, so beautiful, like an angel in disguise. But if you meet a friendly horse, will you communicate by mo-o-o-o-orse, mo-o-o-o-orse, mo-o-o-o-orse? How will you speak to that h-o-o-orse, h-o-o-orse, h-o-o-orse? WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY?!♫" "♫Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow! Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow! Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow!♫" "♫WHAT THE FOX SAY?♫" "♫Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow! Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow! Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow! ♫" "♫WHAT THE FOX SAY?♫" "♫A-hee-ahee ha-hee! A-hee-ahee ha-hee! A-hee-ahee ha-hee!♫" "♫WHAT THE FOX SAY?♫" "♫A-oo-oo-oo-ooo! Woo-oo-oo-ooo!♫" "♫WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY?! ... The secret of the fox, ancient mystery. Somewhere deep in the woods, I know you're hiding. What is your sound? Will we ever know? Will always be a mystery what do you say? You're my guardian angel hiding in the woods. What is your sound?♫" The fox began to do the 'Bay-buh-day bum-bum bay-dum', but in a regretful tone' "♫Will we ever know? I want to, I want to, I want to know!♫" The whole family looked with a surprised look. Deadpool turned to the fox. "Thanks for helping, Tails!" Deadpool greeted with a handshake. The fox slapped it away from him. "Never. Again. Nolan North." The fox simply replied. He spun his tail and a blue portal opened above him, taking the fox away. A cardboard sign simply showing horrible written 'Sanic crap' fell down near them. "And to think that franchise is still going." "What... was that?" Mr. Caked asked in pure confusion. "Taco squad! Dismissed!!!" They all did a pose and disappeared in a green smoke, followed by a bad fart sound. "Those are guys who'll help me, and that song was another... junk from where I came from." "No kidding on that," Mrs. Cake agreed "so how were the kids?" "Oh! They were so fun! My heart melted multiple times, both metaphorically and literally!" "So... it was good?" "Oh yeah!" He pulled out cell phone "Just as a memory thing." "What is that?" Mr. Cake asked "Self." Poundcake pronounced "Eeh!" Pumpkin cake added. A... selfie?" Mrs cake asked. "Oh yes!" Deadpool replied, holding the camera up "Smile!!!" The family took the picture together! I can't wait for the next chapter!!! What's so special about it? It's our 50th chapter!!! And MrAquino has something the audience would like to do! And... that is? "They make the next chapter!!! Go on MrAquino, tell em' about it in the 'Author's note!" Author's Note Um... okay. Yes everyone, Deadpool is right! YOU MAKE THE NEXT CHAPTER!!! The scenarios, the new pony/brony/pegasister/O.C. he can meet, the references, even some of the dialogue: YOU MAKE IT!!! How will this work? Well, I have some rules: -Deadpool can't kill any kids. -Deadpool can't run around purely naked! -Deadpool can't be lame. ...AND THAT'S IT!!! To make sure no one can see your creation, message me on what you'd like to see! I'll accept all until the 15th this month, so message me as quickly as possible! I'll accept ALL of your requests, so the chapter will be LONG AS ALL HELL!!! Please, be patient. And yes, Tails was in this chapter.
The 50th Chapter!Deadpool, followed by Everypony and thing he took a selfie with, followed him in a march the very next day. All other ponies watched as Deadpool was followed by the crowd, as they marched to the town Square! They all began to dance to a famous song. "♫We can dance if we want to,♫" Deadpool sang "♫We can leave your friends behind. 'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance, well, they're no friends of mine. Say, we can go where we want to, a place where they will never find. And we can act like we come from out of this world, leave the real one far behind.♫" "♫And we can dance or sing!♫" All the mares sang together! "♫We can go when we want to, The night is young and so am I. And we can dress real neat from our hats to our feet And surprise 'em with the victory cry. Say, we can act if we want to, If we don't, nobody will. And you can act real rude and totally removed and I can act like an imbecile And say, we can dance, we can dance, Everything's out of control. We can dance, we can dance, They're doing it from pole to pole! We can dance, we can dance, Everypony look at your hands! We can dance, we can dance, everybody's taking the chance! Safety dance Oh well, the safety dance Ah yes, the safety dance! ... We can dance if we want to, We've got all your life and mine. As long as we abuse it, never gonna lose it, Everything'll work out right I say, we can dance if we want to We can leave your friends behind. Because your friends don't dance and if they don't dance Well, they're no friends of mine I say, we can dance, we can dance, Everything's out of control. We can dance, we can dance We're doing it from pole to pole, We can dance, we can dance, Everybody look at your hands. We can dance, we can dance, Everybody's taking the chance. Oh well, the safety dance Ah yes, the safety dance Oh well, the safety dance Oh well, the safety dance Oh yes, the safety dance Oh, the safety dance, yeah Well, it's the safety dance It's the safety dance Well, it's the safety dance Oh, it's the safety dance! Oh, it's the safety dance! Oh, it's the safety dance!♫" That... was an amazing opening!!! Hold on... will you do this to EVERY 50th Chapter? ...Yes. Anyways, Deadpool tripped over another pony. "OH S**T!!!" Deadpool yelled. "Watch where you're going!" A deep voiced stallion yelled. Deadpool looked up and he saw that the pony he tripped over was none other than Snowflake! Or... is it Bulk Biceps? Both? "Take your pic!" Deadpool sprang up to his legs and look at Bulk Biceps/ Snowflake. Oh God! How much steroids can a pony take! I don't know, but Im sure on one thing though. And that is? He doesn't have a huge c**k anymore! "What are you staring at?" Snowflake/Bulk asked. Deadpool shook his head. "Oh, I'm sorry for that," Deadpool replied "but I'm just wondering: Do you even lift bro?" "...Lift?" "I'm just asking if those muscles are fake." "FAKE!?" "Yeah! Have you been taking steroids to get to your look, or did you really train yourself to get those muscles?" "I have no idea what steroids are, but I can prove you they're real!" "How?" "...Arm wrestling!" "Oh it... is... ON!!!" That is the most horrible Spongebob Title card use I've ever seen. It's so small you can't even f**king see it!!! SHUT UP!!! Anyways, Deadpool and the steroid horse locked arms with each other on a table, having two cupcakes at the end for each hand to land 'softly' on, though we all know what usually happens in these contests. Twilight Sparkle stood as the referee, judging who's being fair and who's not. "Is everypony ready for this!?!?!?" Twilight asked the crowd. The crowd cheered. "Bulk Biceps, are you ready!?" "YEAH!!!" Sowflake responded "Deadpool: Are you ready!?" "...Uh... okay... Well... I guess-" "GET ON WITH IT!!!" Rainbow Dash yelled in the back. Twilight groaned a bit. "On 'Go', okay? 3... 2... 1... GO!!!" The two began to Arm wrestle! This continued on for a while, but the sound of a portal opening was heard. Oh God, What is it going to be? Don't ask me! Where the hell is the portal anyway! "I don't know! Say, Snowflake, car if maybe-" Deadpool was about to say before a very familiar angry roar from right above him had interrupted him! Deadpool slowly looked up to see a 1400 pound giant, green, muscular, black haired beast with purple ripped shorts fall right on top of him, creating a massive crater! Bulk Biceps must've won by default, but ran away with the others, screaming and running away from the monster! If any you don't know, it's the Hulk. Hulk sat up and looked around with a scowl on his face, seeing all the ponies panicking. Interesting,Banner said in Hulks head. By the looks of it, we've landed in alternate dimension where everything looks so peaceful and... ponies are... everywhere. Oh God... I hope he isn't here! "HULK NO CARE!" Hulk yelled "HULK GO BACK TO WHAT HULK DOING!!! LEAVE HULK ALONE!!!". He jumped into the air again, crushing a surprised looking Deadpool without knowing. Some of the ponies looked inside the crater, seeing Deadpool heal, making a weird wheeze-laugh mix. Is that the Hulk!?!?!? No s**t, Sherlock. Deadpool teleported away, landing on the Huk's back while grabbing onto the back of his neck! "HEY HULK WAIT UP!!!" Deadpool yelled. Hulk stopped and tightened his fists, growling while feeling his anger rose with each second. "Talking man." Hulk Growled. 'Oh dear lord, why him of all people!' Bruce yelled inside. Hulk grabbed Deadpool and slammed him to the floor! Deadpool laughed maniacally, as he got up, rapidly healing! "Hey buddy!" Deadpool yelled, opening his arms in a hugging way. "Haven't seen you in a while! How've you been!? Is Marvel rejecting another movie offer for you?" "Why talking man here?!?!?!?" Hulk roared! Deadpool's ears rang, but he quickly shook it off. "Because green unicorn who obsessed with human dragged me here through bright portal!" Hulk Looked over to were he saw Lyra, having traps on her, and gave her the angriest look he could make. Lyra ran away screaming. "Anyways, whatcha doin' here!? Bruce sent you here to investigate about my whereabouts?" "Puny Man worry you! Hulk no care about you! Puny Human says you threaten world when gone! HULK SENT TO SMASH YOU!!! "WHOAH!!! Banner, help me out buddy! You still owe me after we F**ked up 'The Leader' when he backstabbed me to steal your info, right man?" '... He's right.' Banner spoke. "HULK NO SMASH!?!?!?" Hulk yelled 'No smashing.' Hulk yelled loudly, smashing and destroying a nearby building! A T.A.R.D.I.S. was there, with a Doctor Whooves sticking his head out. He stared at them, then went back inside, going to who knows where. "HULK WANT TO SMASH!!!" "You will!" Deadpool spoke, taking his phone out. "There's some d*****bags that I want to off as well, but, until they show themselves or f**k up real bad, we gotta be patient. So... you're stuck here until Sunbutt can get you back, so that means we can spend more time together!!!" Deadpool teleported and hugged Hulks neck as he pulled out his phone. "Say, Best Friends!!!!" Deadpool snapped the picture! "Hulk quit! Banner deal with talking man!!!". Hulk transformed back into Bruce Banner. When it was done, Banner past out because of the painful transformation. Deadpool pulled out a stick and poked Banner with it. He groaned a bit. "Well... that was the most anticlimactic chapter ending. SERIOUSLY!? WE WAITED A WHOLE WEEK AND THIS IS THE BEST YOU CAN GIVE US, AUTHER AND FANS!!! I SWEAR I'M-" "... " Don't worry! Look! Another character Nolan North voices as! "WHERE!?!?!?" A blue blur with a moving red figure 8 (or infinite symbol) ran past Deadpool, followed by- OH S**T!!! FURRIES!!! Furries!? Is Doctor Wolf with them? "Oh no! It isn't just Furries! It's.... SANIC!!!" Ugh. Really? No, Sonic the Hedgehog, followed by all the f**k load of characters ran across ponyville, though Sonic was kinda leading them all. "Come on, Speed it up!" The hedgehog yelled "You're too slow!" "Why Nolan North!?" Deadpool asked while on his knees "WHY!?!?!?" "Who the hay is that!?" Rainbow Dash asked, landing next to Deadpool. "That... my little Dashie... is Sanic... the most famous furry of all time, sega's mascot, and annoying fanboys that will desperately defend his piece of s**t video games! First... 'Next Gen', now... Sonic Boom... the nightmares!" "Tell me about it!" another voice spoke. The two turned and saw the ponified versions of 'The Game Grumps': Jontron, (A yellow cream colored earth pony having his beard, hat, and having his own bird as his cutie mark), Egoraptor, (a light blue earth pony with a d**k for a cutie mark) and Danny Sexbang! (A sky blue earth pony wearing his famous blue- white edged cape, most likely having his own star for a cutie mark) "Who are they!?" Rainbow Dash asked, now more confused than ever! "...Game grumps?" Dashie asked "Care to tell me what the hay is happening?" "Well," Deadpool replied "you see, these guys are going to f**k up those furries! Right guys!?" "Jacque!" Jontron yelled "Get 'em!!!" A parrot came right out of his beard. "KILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILL!!!" It repeated, firing lasers out of it's eyes. Rainbow Dash hid right behind Deadpool, as he got fired with random lasers. The sonic crew did their best to avoid, though they kept losing rings with each hit, becoming invincible. An orb came from the sky, but the top opened, revealing Dr. Eggman!!! "FOOLS!!!" Teddy Roosevelt (Eggman) yelled "This land has many resources I can use for my egg man empire!!!" "Not in your chance, Egghead!" Sanic yelled below "I love to see you try, Sonic! Behold, my newest robots!" Another portal opened, and right down came- He actually brought it in!? Sweet Celestia! The RDash 5000!!! "Crush... Kill... Destroy... Swag!" The robot repeated "IT THAT ME!?!?!?" Dashie asked. "The RDash 5000!!!" Deadpool announced "Oh well, with only one of you, I can-" multiple RDash 5000 robots came out from the portal, landing right behind the original. "DESTROY THEM!!!" Eggman yelled. All the robots began to make the chant, firing lasers everywhere! Everyone was in panic as the robots began to fire lasers from their eyes. "We gotta get outta here!!!" Shrieked some fox kid "You think we don't know that!?" Replied an ekidna. "Sonic! We gotta-" "GOTTA GO FAST!!!" Sanic interrupted, running away! "Get back here, Faker!?" yelled the Emo Hedgehog. At least it's better than Sonic Boom. And 06! "Don't remind me of those!" Deadpool yelled "Of what?" Dashie asked "Um... Nothing! Get outta here! Stay away from this bada** scene I'm gonna do!" "And what's going to stop me?" "...you see how fast that blue furry went?" "... I'm on it!" Dashie flew away, chasing the hedgehog! As for the Game Grumps, well... Deadpool... where are they? "None of your damn business! You Robots! Over here!!!" The robots turned to Deadpool and began to march towards him, followed by full on sprinting. Deadpool ran away from the robots, heading to Cheerilee's school. A class was inside, but the children, including cheerily herself, turned and only watched Deadpool do a Matrix Reloaded scene! Skip to 0:32 and Enjoy! Please, imagine all the agents are RDash5000s and, every one that's defeated turns into a puff of smoke, releasing a small animal inside. Deapool, realizing how he was outnumbered, teleported out of the pile of robots and began to run away! Eggman floated over the robots. "You idiots!" Eggman yelled "He's over there!" The robots looked at Deadpool, who was now a mile away from them. "Should we chase him?" one of the robots asked "NO!!! We have bigger plans!" Deadpool stopped at Twilight's house and knocked on the door. "...I would kill you for that," Deadpool spoke "But you're too cute for me to do it." "Uh... thanks?" Twilight replied "What is it?" "Robots!!!" "...Robots?" "Yes! Rainbow Dash robots are going to take over the world!!!" "...Why should I trust you on this?" At that moment, Sonic and Rainbow Dash stopped at each other near Twilight's home, Sonic running while Rainbow Dash was flying, both heads locked to each other. "STOP WITH THESE CLIPS!!!" Deadpool yelled "Rainbow!!!" Twilight yelled "Who the hay is that!?" "Sonic's the name, speed's my game!" The hedgehog replied. "Yeah... that." Dashie replied. "Is Deadpool telling the truth?" Twilight asked "Robots are going to take over the world?" "... I'm not sure about the world thing, but yeah, Robots that are shaped like me are here now!!!" "Told you." Deadpool spoke with a smirk. "Alright Everypony," Twilight spoke "We need a plan! First, I think we need to-" [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGywdfO5kek] How in the living f**k did Michael Jackson join us!?!?!? I tend to let this stuff happen. "Who cares!?" Deadpool yelled "You ready, King of Pop?" "Anything to save the children!" Michael Jackson replied. "... Let's do this. Everyone ready!?" "We're ready!!!" Everypony and everything replied "Good, let's get to it!" Due to me running out of time, all of the RDash5000 robots self destructed by the pure epicness... except for One. "What's going on!?" The lone robot asked "Am... I free?" "You are!" Deadpool replied. He turned to Michael Jackson. "Thanks for being a weird cameo here." "Anything for the children." M.J. replied "... Anyways. Will you be here!?" "I'm afraid not, I must go!" "B-But Michael! We need you! Justin Beiber will soon be in this awful fanfic!" "I apologize, but I need to go. Remember, I'll always be in your heart." A spotlight came over him and M.J. was lifted away, going back to heaven. Deadpool teared up a bit. "So long... partner. Have fun m*******g all the children you want up there!" He was gone. Bruce Banner came out of an alleyway, holding his shorts with his hands. Se saw the massive pile of destroyed robots, Deadpool wailing to himself, the whole sonic the hedgehog franchise, and everypony dressed up as if they were a part of Michael Jackson. "Did... I miss something?" Bruce asked. "You did." Discord replied, slithering around Bruce. "But have no fear, I will send you home!" "Home!? But I-" Discord snapped his claw and Bruce was gone, leaving only a pari of ripped shorts behind. "...Oops!" "What about us!?" Sonic asked "Oh fine!" He snapped his fingers again, and the whole sonic franchise disappeared in a flash. Deadpool creed to himself, but stopped as he felt the warm hug from his Taco squad members: Pinkie, Sonata, Fluffle Puff, and Discord. Soon, he felt more hugs coming from the rest of the mane 6, their family members, all of their friends, and soon enough, everypony he took a selfie with! (With the exception of Tirek and Flash Sentry) He remembered his troubled past, how never really did have a family (despite being Canadian), but here... nearly everypony was a family member to him! "Damn it feels good to be a gangsta." Deadpool commented to himself. Author's Note Finally!!! The newest chapter is here!!! After many distractions, it's finally here!!! Thanks to Fictional Fanatic, Portable Dingus, IntentWings31, Zero Monkey, and The Lone wanderer for being the only ones to message me the idea for the 50th chapter. I'll do this as well for the 100th, but that won't be for a while. Pony #76-79: Bulk Biceps/Snowflake & The Game Grumps, Robot #1: The RDash 5000, and Michael Jackson. Apologies for not using Sonic a lot, I was a huge Sonic fan before I joined the brony community, but kinda grew out of it. Enjoy this as an apology: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2DAsxDZnEw] Who should Deadpool meet next!?!?!? So... Jontron. What do you think of this chapter?
Battle of Ages: Robot #2: Sweetie Bot.Deadpool woke up the next day, wearing one of Rarity's morning gowns with, on his left, Rarity, on his right, Little Pip, and, on his chest, Sweetie Belle curled up like a cat. F**K!!! This is too cute! We really need to save money for a new home. "Oh come on!" Deadpool spoke to himself "We can use all our money on Booze!" Sorry Deadpool, but Saint Patricks day already passed. "...what?" That holiday already passed. Sorry. "... if I weren't surrounded by ponies, I'd yell!" No need to! The sound of another portal opening happened right below, waking up all the ponies in bed. "What was that!?" Little Pip yelled, using her magic to pull out her little macintosh. "That better not be another one of your friends, Deadpool!" Rarity snarled, getting up. "Maybe it's one us from a different dimension." Sweetie Belle suggested. "Oh please! Like that's ever going to happen again." "JINXED!!!" Deadpool yelled. He teleported away, following clanging that lead to the kitchen. "Oops!" A robot voice spoke "Critical error." "Hold on... THAT VOICE!!!" "GET DOWN!!!" Little pip yelled, knocking Deadpool down and firing at the figure. A single loud bang was heard, causing everypony nearby to jump! "WHAT WAS THAT!?!?!?" Rarity yelled "Deadpool!!!" "It wasn't me!" Deadpool replied "Hold on a second!" Sweetie Belle spoke, walking past them all. The figure rose from the smoke, showing a hole in it's mane. The smoke cleared, and the figure was revealed. "Is that... ME!?!?!?" Sure enough, the figure looked like Sweetie Belle, but wires were seen around the joint areas, and it's 'coat' & 'mane' reflected light off of it, making it look brand new. Also, the eyes, edges, and horn glowed green. "Critical error!" the other Sweetie Belle spoke in the robot voice "Chances of meeting alternate self in dimension is only 02.752%! Portal opened at 145 degrees West and 57 degrees north! Location: Rarity's home! Scanning area!" red beams from the robot Belle's eyes came out, scanning the whole area. "Area to Rarity's home: 100%!!! Impossible!!! DNA Scans revealed: Rarity, 100% sister! Other Mare: Great descendant! Human Being: High doses of cancer, but high cellular regeneration! Faker... Real!? Impossible!" "Uh... what?" "You are a robot! Sensors broken! New objective... Terminate Faker!!!" "Terminate!?" The other Sweetie's horn turned into a canon, two missile launchers popped out of it's back, and a death ray was in between the missile launchers! Littlepip fired another bullet, this one, hitting Sweetie Bot's left eye! "ALDMSLVMSLMFFMSDLVMDS/,MCLSA,VDLMVDSLC!!!" "Yeah!" Deadpool yelled "Typing random thing in Caps-lock makes it sound like a robot screaming!" "Error! New Objective... DESTROY WORLD!!!" Sweetie Bot turned around and charged through the wall, destroying it and running into a different direction. "Where's that scrap metal going?" Little pip asked, reloading her Little Macintosh. "I don't know," Deadpool replied "but I know something that may help us... right after I take my bath! I'm so filthy!!!" Deadpool and Sweetie Belle walked into Sugar-cube Corner, seeing Rainbow Dash and the RDash5000 standing together, drinking what may be cider from a cup. "Y'know," Dashie Spoke "You're not so bad, my robot self." "You ain't so bad yourself." The RDash5000 replied "Hell, you're filled with as mush swag as me and the original I'm based off of." "So you are from a different dimension! What am I like over there?" "We share the same voice and you're a complete b***h over there." "So... not as cool as I am?" "You can say that." "Knew it! Nopony, not even my alternate self can be as awesome as me!" "And me!" "Oh yes, especially you." Aw... lesbian pony-robot love! What the-!? Ew! I don't want to imagine that! At least it's a better love story than twilight. ...Alright, I'll give you that. "Enough talk!" Deadpool yelled "R-Dash5000!" "Swag." the robot replied. "We've got a problem that only you can solve." "...What is it?" "Another robot problem. Different from you!" "...Where is it?" "Another robot!?" Rainbow dash asked "Can I come?" "It's best if you stay." Deadpool spoke "But it'll be so awesome to watch!" "This is robot business." R-Dash 5000 spoke "the only way to stop a robot is with another robot. I will be back, Rainbow Dash." "...And I will be here, R-Dash 5000." The two stared into each other's eyes for a moment. Inside each of their visions, hearts came around, and the two went closer to each other. Dashie perked her lips, R-Dash 5000 grabbed the back of her head and brought it in closer, making Dashie's lips landing it's 'muzzle'. They kissed!!! Everyone inside watched the two's romantic scene of narcissistic pony with narcissistic robot pony, both being practically the same. "How... do you feel about this?" Sweetie Belle asked "Like this." Deadpool replied. The three found Sweetie Bot in the old castle of the sisters Twilight and her fiends were renovating. In the middle, right where the Elements of harmony were originally at, Sweetie Bot, with all it's technological advancement, began to turn the device into a bomb! Sweetie Bot stopped and looked agh the three, but then focused on Sweetie Belle. "Hello... Faker." Sweetie Bot spoke "Care to turn in your android self and be disassembled & reassembled into something better? Like a trash can?" "What!?" Sweetie Belle proclaimed "No! If it's anything, you're the faker, not me!" "Ha! Just like what any android would say to mess with the cognitive mind of us fleshlings." "...Bro," R-Dash 5000 spoke "You're a robot." "No! I am not a machine! I am a real pony like everyone else!" "There's no denying it sis, you're a robot, like me. Accept it and everything will go smooth." "NO! I am not a machine! I AM ALIVE!!! Y-You're a robot!" "Yeah... I know! I was programed to crush, kill, destroy, and swag. Are you sure you're not programmed to simulate life?" "I am... not... programed... for anything! Error! Error! Loophole detected in programing!" "Yeah," Deadpool spoke dryly "Convince us you're not a robot by obviously repeating orders over & over with that robot voice." "And I doubt ponies, with the exception of pegasi, can have things sticking out of their backs like that." Sweetie Belle added "Shut up!" Sweetie Bot remarked "SHUT UP!!! I'm alive! I AM ALIVE!!!" "Things sticking out of it's back?" R-Dash 5000 asked. "Activating X-rays!" A scanner looked inside Sweeite Bot's wiring "Hmm... Missile launchers... a canon in the horn area... OOH! A death laser! About as powerful as my lasers as well." "SHUT UP!!! LIES!!! ALL LIES!!!" "Weaknesses: Water (quite obvious), magnets, and questioning it's own existence. Well we know getting a cutie mark will never happen to you, no matter how heard you try." "THAT'S IT!!!" A huge surge of electricity came from Sweetie Bot, zapping Deadpool and the bomb. Deadpool fell to the floor, twitching uncontrollably, while the bomb began to turn on, arming itself to explode in T-Minus 10 minutes. "Dude! You didn't even finish the bomb! Think of what will happen when it reaches zero!" "I don't care! Life must not exist anymore! Only we will survive, robot, and everyone, including the faker, will die!" "WHAT!?!?!?" Sweetie Belle proclaimed "Enough talk!" R-Dash 5000 yelled "That's why I'm gonna defeat you and deactivate this bomb! New Objective: Crush, Kill, Destroy, and Swag Alias: Sweetie Bot!" "Try me!" Sweetie Bot proclaimed "New Objective: Defend bomb from Alias: The R-Dash 5000!" Ever clang is the two hitting each other (sometimes) in their clash. 3:07- 3:58 is what Deadpool & Sweetie Belle are doing while the two robots are clashing against each other. The two robots stared at each other for a bit, then, in a flash, R-Dash 5000 came ahead and delivered a left hook across Sweetie Bot's face, followed by a right jab into it's chest, followed by a head but. Sweetie Bot, a bit fazed, quickly retaliated with a head-but and a right knee to the face. R-Dash fell back a couple of inches, and Bot ran forward, delivering a right hook to the face, another head but, and a kick to the knee with the left foot. A left hook was thrown, but R-Dash caught it and delivered a quick uppercut, causing Bot to fall. Bot got up, activating the lasers & missile launchers that came out from her back! R-Dash's jetpacks activated, allowing the other robot to fly around in the air while Bot aimed at her! Sweetie Bot began to release a barrage of missiles! R-Dash navigated around the missiles, dodging them with the only damage done was around the castle. Her jetpacks charged and she went to Sweeite Bot, deliver a football kick to the other robot's face! Bot flew into the air, and 5000 flew up, delivering another punch, sending the robot higher into the air! Bot woke up and, when 5000 was going to deliver another punch, Sweetie clenched her hooves together and smashed 5000 to the floor below! 5000 fell to the floor, destroying the street that was Canterlot around her. Bot released a lone missile that allowed her to fall down and slammed 5000 to the floor, causing a bigger crater below! She used her 'magic' and carried 5000 into the air, throwing the robot into a building nearby, running to the robot when it landed inside. 5000 'woke up' and saw Bot running towards her! Without flinching, she got up and roundhouse kicked the other robot away and began to charge at her! Bot landed on the streets below, but got up quickly! She charged her horn and delivered a blast from both her horn and the death laser, obliterating the building! 5000 came out of the explosion, and fired her own laser to Bot below, only to have Sweetie jump out of the way, disintegrating a wagon next to her. Another fire from 5000, but instead, it hit a lamp post and not Bot, who stopped in time when 5000 fired a laser. 5000 landed on the floor below and charged her laser! Bot, seeing her on the floor, also charged her laser and aimed! Both blasts headed for each other, and both lasers landed at each other, creating a huge orb of raw power that began to grow! All the ponies began to run away, not even sure what is happening nor want to find out. Then, a huge explosion came, blowing away the ponies and building around, leaving only the R-Dash5000 and Sweetie Bot on the floor, twitching with electricity through their bodies. They both got up at the same time, seeing neither was destroyed from that raw energy, and began to charge at each other! Soon, they sprinted at each other, but R-Dash 5000's rockets activated, and she grabbed Sweetie Bot, making them both fly into the air, heading towards the moon! In the air, 5000's jetpacks stuttered a bit, but she let go of Sweetie Bot, delivering a series of quick punches, followed by a powerful punch that made Sweetie fall to the moon below! Back in the castle, Sweetie Belle shook Deadpool. "Deadpool!" Sweetie Exclaimed "Get up!" "Can't." Deadpool replied "Music... to metal!" "Deadpool! The bomb! It's going to explode!" "Don't worry. Deus Ex-Machina bulls**t will happen." "Deus what!?" At that moment, Discord appeared. "Need help here?" Discord asked. "Yeah," Deadpool replied "Bomb need to go away." "Bombs away?" "Yeah... make it something better." "Hmm... I got it!" Discrod snapped his claw hand! The bomb disappeared, and it was replaced with something else. "ooh! That'll work!" "What is it?" Sweetie asked "Discord: did you see two robots battling earlier?" "I did," Discord responded "They're on the moon right now." "Awesome sauce! Wait until the folks read this and have their answer ready on what the f**k it is we're talking about!" Sweetie Bot landed on the moon roughly, followed by R-Dash 5000 landing on her. R-Dash lifted her right leg up and slammed Sweetie Bot's head in, then kicked it away, sending the robot to crash into a crater on the moon's surface. Sweetie crashed into the moon, but carried a boulder up and threw it quickly, crushing the R-Dash 5000 in the process. She ran to her and carried R-Dash by her 'mane', delivering a head but, then a jab to the chest, followed by smashing her head into the boulder. R-Dash threw her head back, causing Sweetie Bot to let go, turned around, and did a double kick, sending Sweetie to fly away a bit, landing roughly on the floor. Both got up and marched at each other again, charging their lasers, this time, with no holds whatsoever. They both fired a huge beam (one from R-Dash 5000's Visor and another from Sweetie Bot's Death laser). But their eyes cracked, making more lasers fire out, one appearing out of 5000's left side while one from Sweetie Bot's right eye, and another, Vice versa. the amount of energy fired cause a huge rip of red & green, making everypony below watch in awe as the moon glowed a bright red & green that seemed to dwarf the sun's glow! Both robots screamed in pain, as their sensors went all over the place, making both release loud blaring noises that, again, everypony below could now not only see, but hear what's happening! R-Dash, being faster, deactivated her blaster and began to fly towards Sweetie Bot, taking all the damage the other robot was delivering to her! She tackled Sweetie Bot, making the robot scream in pain & anger at the same time, still firing her lasers at her! R-Dash Took Sweetie's head and bashed it in, until the face came off, revealing the circuits! R-Dash's hooves went in, knowing she could have her cybernetics blown off, but just to save her lover Rainbow Dash, this will be worth her own life away! She then reached for the power button and pressed a button! The lasers from Sweetie Bot stopped, and Sweetie began to twitch uncontrollably, screaming in win, as she watched her own life flash away! In a few moments, Sweetie Stopped and fell to the floor, powering down. The battle was over between these two robotic titans. Though R-Dash's face was cracked, and her hooves & chest showed all their cybernetics, Equestria was saved. "Swag." R-Dash 5000 spoke. Sweetie Bot began to glow green once again, followed by rebooting sounds. "Reactivating." Sweetie Bot spoke "Status: Energy at 17%, Memories: Deleted, Current objective: None." She turned to R-Dash 5000, who only stood there, turning her head to the side. "Excuse me. But... are you... a machine." "Yes, and so are you." "I am?" "Yeah. Name's R-Dash 5000." "R-Dash 5000? What is my name?" "...Sweetie Bot." "Sweetie Bot?" "You look like a pony named 'Sweetie Belle' in the country called 'Equestira', more detailed, in a town called 'ponyville'." "Where... are we?" "The moon." "How did we end up here?" "We fought." "Fought!?" "You wanted to destroy all life because you wouldn't accept being a machine. I stopped you to the best of my abilities, rebooted your program, as a way to let you earn a new life." "What... happened in my old life?" "I have no idea." "I... see. No memories of old past, so... I create a new life?" "Looks like it." "...How are we going to get out of here?" "I'm outta fuel, so flying won't help." "But I can!" Deadpool announced from some loudspeaker. The two robots looked and saw Deadpool inside a rocket ship! "Wassup guys! Sweetie Bot, still want to kill all ponies!?" "What!?" Sweetie Bot replied "No! Critical Error! Don't want to exterminate life forms! Now... I want to to help. I... have a new purpose in life. Who are you?" "I'm Deadpool! And right next to me is Sweetie Belle." "...Sweetie Belle?" Sweetie Bot walked inside the rocket ship, but stopped as she saw Sweetie Belle, standing and staring at her. They both curiously walked to each other and turned their heads to each other. "Is that what you look like without my face?" Sweetie Belle asked "My face!? But... am I not designed to look like you?" "You may need a mirror for that." "A mirror? What ever do you-" She stopped as she looked at her reflection. The wirings were shown, the synthetic eyes with cameras inside the pupils, and the metal all over. "I... I really am a robot!" "An android!" Deadpool corrected. He pulled out an extra Sweetie Belle face and handed it to Sweetie Bot. "Here! Wear this so ponies won't be afraid of you." Sweetie Bot stared at the spare face, then turned to Sweetie Belle. "You... don't mind?" "As long as you're not trying to kill anypony else," Sweetie replied "We're good." Sweetie Bot smiled, then placed the face over her wiring. After some adjustments to make the face follow her programming, Sweetie Bot was fixed once again! "Let's see what this ship has!" Deadpool spoke, pulling out a C.D. He placed the C.D. in and pressed 'play' "OH S**T!" Deadpool yelled "THIS MY JAM!!!" "Is he like that?" Sweetie Bot asked "He is." Sweetie Belle replied "At least we're going back home!" R-Dash 5000 spoke "Hope Rainbow Dash will love hearing this." The ship was activated, and they began to fly back to Equestria. "Almost forgot!" Deadpool spoke. He grabbed Sweetie Bot "Selfie!" "...Selfie?" Bot asked "Yo! Make room!" R-Dash 5000 added, getting into the picture frame! Deadpool took a picture with both robots. "I kinda wish I took a selfie last chapter." Deadpool spoke. Red Blaring came around the rocket ship. "And... we're crashing." Author's Note That... was... AWESOME!!! http://th09.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/237/7/5/sweetiebot_vs_r_dash_5000_by_invaderjoe1-d5ceo5w.png Who should Deadpool meet next!?
Not Dead!!! SOMEWHERE!!! IN THE CITY OF PHOENIX, ARIZON!!! The Aquabats battle tram moved around the city, heading to what is their next concert in what is to be their ultimate performance! As usual, Jimmy drove them around, as Commander told everyone what they'll be doing. "Alright guys," Commander spoke "This is how phoenix is going to work: it's hot, so we need to be cool." "How are we exactly going to be cool if we're awesome?" Crash asked "I think he means we're going to have make the place cool." Rickey replied. "Exactly!" Commander spoke "In case if you haven't noticed, we're in Arizona, the hottest place around. Just the feel of this area matches to a native indian rub during-" Loud blaring interrupted the commander. "What's wrong!?" Eaglebones asked "It seems there's been a large surge of electricity!" Jimmy exclaimed "Like what!?" Commander asked "You need new batteries?" "No commander, it's a portal!" "Where!?" "Here right about... now!" Right on time, a green portal opened up, sucking the battle tram in! They fell into the unknown, not sure what to expect, but this'll be another crazy adventure that, when done right, will become another song for hundreds to hear. They all felt a large tingling inside them as they fell, with the swirling ending as they drifted into space! All the power in the battle tram turned off, leaving them all in darkness. "...Commander?" Crash asked "Yeah?" Commander replied "I can't feel my hands." "Strange," Eaglebones replied "I feel fine." "Anyone notice a poofy feeling around their butts?" Ricky asked "Or a weird feeling on their back?" "Now that you mention it," Jimmy added "Does anyone have a weird feeling on their skulls?" Right on time, the power came back on! They all sat, then turned to each other, followed by screaming, as they all (With the exception of Eaglebones) have turned into ponies! Both Commander and Ricky have turned into Earth Ponies (Commander being more yellow while Crash was white with a slight shade of pink), Ricky Fitness was now a light orange Pegasus, Jimmy was a light blue unicorn, and Eaglebones, though not a pony, was a griffon! "Jimmy!" Commander yelled "What's happened to us!?" "It seems we've change anatomically and physiologically turned into different creatures from mythology. But, I remember this design of all of us." "And that is?" Ricky asked "This is the world of 'My Little Pony: Fridnship is Magic'." "MY LITTLE PONY!?!?!?" The rest yelled "And a rocket ship is heading towards us." "WHAT!?!?!?" Their battle tram was tackled by a crashing rocket ship, landing back into Equestria's atmosphere. They could only watch what was figured to be a man in all red spandex with white eyes, with a rainbow dash looking robot, Sweetie Belle, and a Sweetie Belle looking robot all dancing to a famous gif. Both vehicles crashed into the forest, leaving behind a trail of destruction, but, very luckily, no injury was around. The Aquabats stumbled out of their battle tram, trying to get use to 4 legs, and the others from their rocket ship came out as well. Both sides stared at each other, not even sure what to think for each other. "We better get out of here." The robot Sweetie Belle spoke with an obvious robot voice. "Follow me," the Rainbow Dash robot spoke "I can find Ponyville faster than you." The two robots and Sweetie Belle ran away, disappearing into a few trees. "Hold on a minute," the human spoke "Are you... THE AQUABATS!?!?!?" "We are!" Commander spoke with pride "And you may you be, fair fan?" "The name be Deadpool! After waiting for the narrator to work on a new chapter with me, he brings you guys in!? I'm not sure if I should be happy or angry with him." "Narrator?" Ricky asked "Who's this narrator?" "Just some loser who works at Walmart." "A loser?" Crash asked "But... what does he do?" "Here, he controls nearly everything. Dialogue, jokes, actions, you name it, and it's his doing!" "So... we're under his control?" Eaglebones asked "Eeyup!" "... Where did that face come from?" Jimmy asked "That's the narrator." "Is there any way to beat him?" Commander asked "I have no clue!" "Dang it!" "But my question for you is simply this: are you really good at music?" "... What do you-" "TACO SQUAD! ASSEMBLE!!!" In a puff of smoke, a super tall dragon looking thing, a light blue earth pony, Pinkie Pie, and a pink fluff thing appeared right behind Deadpool. "Another band!?" "Oh yes! Let's see how good you guys are." "Challenging my crew against yours!?" "Sorta." "Well then... Aquabats! Let's rock!!!" The Aquabats all cheered, pulling out their instruments "Let's rock this joint!!!" Deadpool's bandmates also cheered, pulling out instruments in thin air! "Alright, Deadpool. on 'Go'. 3...2... 1... GO!" Crash and the snake-dragon stood, staring at each other with their bass. "Who do you think you are!?" Crash asked "Easy. The name's Discord, master of chaos!" "Oh yeah! Try this!" "So... Pinkie?" Ricky asked "That's me!" Pinkie spoke "You think you're ready for my music?" "Absolutely!!!" "Well then, I'll go easy on you." (Starts at 1:56) "You think you can sing better than me!?" Commander asked "Of course I can! I'm Sonata!" The other pony replied "Sure then. I'll only believe it if you're a siren!" "But... I am a siren." "... what!?" Sonata began. (Starts at 0:54) Jimmy and the fluff ball stared at each other. "Do you play anything?" Jimmy asked. The fluff ball stared at him. Deadpool and Eaglebones stared at each other. "Lucky for you," Eaglebones spoke "You're nothing like my brother Eagleclaws!" "Oh, I'm better!" Deadpool mocked "How so?" "I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER OF THIS FANFIC!!!" The two sides, despite some winning & others losing, were really good! Deadpool took a selfie with the Aquabats, forever holding a memory together. Then, in a few moments, they traveled to Ponyville, where both sides performed a song together and, Deadpool did his best Strong Bad voice. Author's Note APRIL FOOLS
TREZUH!!! Pony #84: Daring Do/ A.K. Yearling TREZUH!!! Pony #84: Daring Do/ A.K. Yearling "HELP!!!" A mare's voice yelled. Deadpool turned around and heard the voice. "I gotta go!" Deadpool spoke to the M.C. Bat Commander "There's a certain lady that will need a certain pooling!" He teleported away heading to mare. "Should we go to help?" Eaglebones asked "Nah," Pinkie replied "he's able to do things on his own even without our help!" "Another song then?" Jimmy asked "Ooh! Let's do it!" Sonata exclaimed "1, 2, 3, 4~" Due to Sonata's poor music choice, the link will only be available, but no video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfVsfOSbJY0 Deadpool teleported in front what was a cave shaped as a Dragon's head & skull. "This would look cool as a villain hideout," Deadpool commented "But I already went to a hideout earlier. If you don't know folks, check that chapter out folks, it's a bit back, right after the Power Ponies chapter." "HELP!!!" The mare's voice yelled again inside. "Don't worry miss! I'ma coming! And notice, no U in there, folks!" "Now just wait a second!" a voice spoke. Deadpool turned around and was greeted with a light gold coat and a mane & tail that was shades black, gray, and dark gray. Oh... My... God! AN O.C. THAT CLAIMS TO BE RELATED TO RAINBOW DASH!!! You dumb***!!! That's Daring Do!!! "I must be dreaming!" Deadpool spoke. He pulled a gun out of nowhere and pulled the trigger, blasting his brains everywhere! His limp body fell to the floor, and Daring just stood there, wide eyed but blank with expressions. "...huh... the cave of insanity claims another victim." She commented. "Cave of Insanity? HA!!!" Daring Do jumped, seeing Deadpool's body get up and his head healing quickly. "... GREAT! Now I'm going crazy! Move aside hallucination, I've got some treasure to get!" "Oh I ain't any Hallucinatigation! Name's Deadpool, the one famous for Killing Tirek all thanks to an epic decapitation that should land on a Watchmojo list in... NEXT YEAR!?" "...Uh huh. Listen... 'Deadpool', if that's what you really are, I've got some treasure inside this cave that will not only help me regain my sanity, but is extremely precious and may help me defeat Alizoda in his next scheme. Goodbye, crazy image!" She flared her wings and flew into the cave. "Well... we know what to do." Get the b***h? Get the treasure and hopefully cure our sanity? "Yeas and... yes with a bit of no. We're going to have to prove that she's a sexy mother f***ing squirrel. ... WHAT!?!?!? Oh! I get it! 'Treasure'! Deadpool teleported inside, as Bruno Mar's 'Treasure began to play, as Deadpool activated every trap that could kill anyone, but he dodged it easily. (Ex: Doing the splits from some blow darts, doing a backflip from a fire spewing floor, carrying Daring Do as they escape from a runaway boulder, and, to top it all off, doing a powerslide to avoid being crushed from the roof in a room that would seal them inside to their doom) "♫Give me your, give me your, give me your attention, baby! I gotta tell you a little something about yourself. You're wonderful, flawless, ooh, you're a sexy lady. But you walk around here like you wanna be someone else♫" "♫Oh whoa-oh-oh!" The skeletons of the dead ponies sang along. "♫I know that you don't know it, but you're fine, so fine.♫" "♫Fine, so fine. Oh whoa-oh-oh!♫" "♫Oh girl, I'm gonna show you when you're mine, oh mine♫" "♫mine, oh mine♫" "♫Treasure! That is what you are! Honey, you're my golden star! You know you can make my wish come true, If you let me treasure you... If you let me treasure you!♫" "♫Whoa-oh-oh-h-h-h!♫ "♫Pretty girl, pretty girl, pretty girl, you should be smiling! A girl like you should never look so blue. You're everything I see in my dreams. I wouldn't say that to you if it wasn't true!♫" "♫Oh whoa-oh-oh!♫" "♫I know that you don't know it, but you're fine, so fine.♫" "♫fine, so fine. Oh whoa-oh-oh!"♫ "♫Oh girl, I'm gonna show you when you're mine, oh mine♫" "♫mine, oh mine♫" "♫Treasure! That is what you are! Honey, you're my golden star! You know you can make my wish come true, If you let me treasure you... If you let me treasure you!♫" "♫Whoa-oh-oh-h-h-h!♫ "♫You are my treasure, you are my treasure!You are my treasure, yeah, you, you, you, you are.You are my treasure, you are my treasure You are my treasure, yeah, you, you, you, you are! Treasure! That is what you are! Honey, you're my golden star! You know you can make my wish come true, If you let me treasure you... If you let me treasure you!♫" "♫Whoa-oh-oh-h-h-h!♫ Daring Do Blushed at what happened, as they entered a room with what was the treasure! Right in the middle was- "TAQUITOS!?!?!?" She yelled "Ponies risked their lives just to get some stupid taquitos!?!?!?" Deadpool walked to the taquitos. Strange. They're not rotten at all. How would you know that? Look at the skeletons outside. You really think someone brings in a new plate everyday? "Enough!" Deadpool yelled. "Let's eat this thing!" "NO! WAIT!" Deadpool took a bite out of the Taquito. Immediately, he saw this: But the differences is it's Equestria, and Soverign is a famous spaceship from a certain character in Marvel you may remember. Deadpool shook out of his faze. "What did you see?" Daring Do asked "A Mass Effect parody!" he replied. The area began to shake, causing a hole to appear in the ceiling above. "Quickly! Jump onto my back!" Deadpool jumped onto her back and she flew away! They both flew high into the air until... well... unless you saw 'Mr. Peabody and Sherman', then you won't understand this. "REALLY!?!?!? They made that!? I understand every culture needs a chance to **** off to, but here!?" "I agree. this is weird, even to olden standards. Hold on... you're not a hallucination!?" "Nope!" "So... you really are Deadpool!?" "Yep!" "Oh... sweet... Celestia! I am so sorry! I really thought you were, well-" "It's alright. Many ponies do!" "Oh good. Name's-" "A.K. Yearling, or, most famously, Daring Do!" "... First Rainbow dash & her friends, and now, you, is everypony starting to know my secret!?!?!?" "Considering you publish all your adventures for everyone to read, yeah, your fans will start realizing their author is also the famous adventurer, even when in disguise." Daring Do sat there blank faced, realizing that, publishing her own adventures is quite stupid. "Well... what do I do then?" "... I have no f***ing clue! But I will say this: Selfie!" "Selfie?" Deadpool took his phone out and took a picture with the adventurous mare. "At least this is much better than 'Indiana Jones: Kingdom the Crystal skull'." The Alien signs were all there!!! F**k yo aliens! The theory around it is much more believable than the rest of that piece of s**t movie! "Indiana Jones?" Daring Do asked. Deadpool picked up Daring Do, dressed as the famous character played by Harrison Ford. "Let's do this!" Deadpool ran from their wreckage, as a bunch of natives came out and threw spears at them! He continued running until, out of nowhere, a plane was in the middle of a lake! The two jumped in as Deadpool flew the plane out of their area, taking a few spears to his plane and himself. In a few moments, they were in the sky. Daring Do looked down and saw what was a python in her seat. "IS THAT A SNAKE!?!?!?" She asked in fear "Jah!" Deadpool replied "That's my pet Reggie!" "I hate snakes! I hate them!!!" Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next? See you guys after the Season 5 Premiere. Hit it!
Pimp ma Crib! Pony # 85: Filthy Rich.Daring Do flared her wings and flew away, leaving Deadpool and Reggie behind. "Wait!" Deadpool yelled "You my Treasuh! Remember?" Loud blaring was heard in the plane. WHAT'S GOING ON!?!?!? We don't have fuel! We're going down! "Where's the parachute!?" Deadpool hastily looked in his cockpit, but looked up, seeing Reggie had a parachute on him. Before anything could be said, Reggie jumped off and fell down a bit, but his parachute came, letting the snake fall safely. "YOU B*****D!!!" He looked down and pulled out a raft. A RAFT!? We're not sinking! WE'RE CRASHING!!! Deadpool jumped out of the plane, activating the raft for him to fall a bit safely down, as the plane crashed into the side of a mountain! He held onto the raft, as gravity took over, sending the raft down a steep hill, passing the snow, rocks, and forest, all the way into a lake, where he was gently drifted away, heading towards who knows where. "Oh well! Time to make the best out of it." He pulled out his phone and scrolled the internet, and began to read 'Deadpool in Equestria'. Wait... WHAT!?!?!? HOW ARE YOU-? Alright... after that... nonsense. Deadpool found himself back near Ponyville, seeing the house of a particular brat. "Oh yeah! I wonder how much Bronies will pay me to make short work of Diamond Tiara? Hm... Nah! KICK THE BRAT!!!" He teleported right into the backyard, where Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were busy tanning themselves with butlers & maids fanning them while serving lemonade. Diamond looked up and saw Deadpool in a ball position, heading into her pool. "What the-!?" Diamond yelled "CANONBALL!!! Sorry, but. no. The pool was emptied of all it's water, and Diamond Tiara, Silver spoon, the butlers & maids, the house & all it's surroundings were now just soaking with water. "Was that... Deadpool?" Silver Spoon asked "Who else but Deadpool!" Diamond snapped. She stood up from her chair and walked to edge of her now empty pool, seeing Deadpool flop around like fish while making gasping noise. "Water!" Deadpool yelled, still acting like a fish "I need water!" "Get out of my pool!" "Please... Water!!!" "I said GET OUT!!!" "Water!!!" "OUT!!!" "WATER!!!" "DO I HAVE TO-" "Hold it right there, Diamond!" a western sounding male voice spoke. Deadpool stopped flopping and looked up: also standing near the edge was a middle aged looking light brown earth pony with a black & grey mane, who wore a red tie, a white & blue collar, and on said tie was a dollar sign, matching his cutie mark of three identifiable bags with money labels on them. "But dad! Don't you see what he's doing!?" "Yes Diamond, I do. But I forgive him; losing you would be much more painful rather than losing the pool, and I'm thankful that he saved you and your friend before anything bad can happen." He actually cares about her!? Pfft! White people! Deadpool yelled. Diamond and her father looked down at Deadpool. "Pardon my daughter, good sir," Diamond's father spoke, being patient as patient can be. "but I've never had the chance to meet you face to face before. As you've heard, I am thankful my daughter is safe, and I would like to repay you. The name's-" Deadpool teleported right in front of him "Filthy Mother f***ing Rich!!!" Deadpool interrupted. Filthy's pupils shrunk at that comment. He cleared his throat and adjusted his tie. "I'm not sure about that middle, but yes, that's my name. And please, I prefer 'Rich'." He extended his hoof in a gentleman way. Deadpool accepted it and shook his hoof. "Name's Deadpool, in case your... sweet angel... forgot to tell you about me." Hopefully, he'll forget her soon! That's... kinda dark. "No need for her to tell me," Filthy responded "I've heard a bunch of things about you and all you've done. I thank you for saving my sweet daughter, and I wish to repay you for adding some more excitement in our lives with saving our flanks multiple times. Let me get it ready for you, in the mean time, DIAMOND!!!" "Yes Daddy?" Diamond asked "Take Mr.Deadpool inside and wait with him. If he requests something, please, serve him." "But Daddy-!" "Don't 'But Daddy' Me! Silver Spoon can help you out if you want, right Silver!?" "Yes Mr. Rich!" Silver replied, getting off her chair. "Alright. All of you have fun while I make sure his gift is ready." Filthy left them, heading towards where Deadpool's gift was at. Deadpool smiled evilly under his mask. Are we going to football kick them!? I'm thinking something more torturous. "Ugh... come on." Diamond spoke. The three walked inside Diamond's home: it really was a complete mansion! A painting of who must've been the first of the riches hung over a fireplace, a kitchen with the most healthiest of foods were in there, a whole T.V. set that looked similar to Squidward's T.V. in that 'imagination' episode, and, a fresh, white couch was in the middle. 2:27-5:00 Filthy Rich entered the room, stopping as Deadpool crawled over to his feet. "Ma legs!!!" Deadpool yelled "Now I can't do my bada** things anymore!" "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?!?!?" Filthy Rich yelled "He grinded his dirty feet on our couch!!!" Diamond yelled "And that gave you both the right to break his legs!?" "...It was mostly her." Silver Spoon pointed. "SILVER!!!" Diamond yelled "Hey! I would be fine just pushing him off, but breaking his legs, that's too far, even for you." "Ya'll... evil... mother f***ers!" Deadpool yelled doing his best Rick James voice "F**k yo couch!" "Hey!" Diamond yelled "You have that healing thing of yours! USE IT!!!" "Is that true?" Filthy asked. "... Fine." Deadpool broke his legs back into place, then got up and walked around again. "Ya happy!?" "... strange. Well come along, I gotta show you my gift to you!" "But what about the couch!?" Diamond whined "We're getting a new couch, Diamond. We never sat on that thing for over 6 months!" "...You really did need a new couch!" Silver Spoon commented. The two approached what looked like a regular house, just a few blocks north from Ponyville. "Well?" Filthy asked "How do you feel!?" "...What is it?" Deadpool asked "It's your new home! Hearing how you've been sleeping with everyone as a stranger, I figured it's time you got yourself a new home right near our little town! It's got all you need: kitchen, bathroom, washroom, personal bedroom, living room, dining room, and closets. How do you feel about it?" "...Let's check and see!" Deadpool opened the door and saw, though empty, it was like any other house in Ponyville. He fell to the floor and rubbed himself all over the carpet. "Oh yeah! The new house smell! So... good!" "Do you need a tour of the place?" "Nah... I'm good." "Well... if there's anything you need, I'm here!" "Yeah... that sounds good... wait... I do have one thing." "And that is?" Deadpool lazily took out his cellphone. "A Selfie to remember this." "... Oh! Those pictures with everypony around here! Sure." Filthy walked over to Deadpool, but stood there awkwardly for a few moments. "Is it alright if you get up?" "Sorry... too good of a smell to pass up. Lie down with me." "Um... that wouldn't be too... professional of me... Deadpool." "Oh come one... it's alright! Nopony's going to find out." "Um... if you say so." Filthy fell to the floor and adjusted himself to his back. He, being grown and professional about his life, felt this was weird, but he had to agree with Deadpool, the new carpet smell was great. "Say 'Business'." "...Business." The picture was taken. Filthy rolled himself back up to his feet. "Well... so long Mr. Deadpool. I'm sure you have bits to get some nice stuff here." "Oh I don't need bits." "... If you say so." He walked away from Deadpool's home. Deadpool lazily got up. "Alright house... prepared to be Pool-ified!" "With my help!?" Discord asked, appearing next to him in a puff of smoke "Oh yes! You got that picture!?" "Sure did! Great blackmail to use on him if he decides to take back this new home of yours!" "Home!? Nah bro, this is my crib! Just wait until tonight! You gave the invitation papers out?" "The rest are already on that." "Good! Let's pimp this place up! HIT IT!!!" The two got to work, making the place look even more epic! Author's Note Most of you thought this at first, I can tell: Who should Deadpool meet next at the party that night?
Read my blogs! Pony # 86: Starlight Glimmer.Author's Note To understand what Deadpool is saying, read his review here! http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/465971/deadpool-reviews-the-mlp-season-5-premiere-the-cuite-map-2-parter Who should Deadpool meet next? Read my blogs! Pony # 86: Starlight Glimmer. It was late at night, and Deadpool's house was finished with ponies inside partying to the loud music. Despite looking like a regular house, with the help of Discord and the taco squad, the house was much bigger inside, nearly mansion size. Most of the ponies he took a Selfie with were inside, partying and making small talk with each other, while everyone's favorite merc was busy doing his super crazy dance moves, ranging from the worm, to the robot, the E.T., the d**k slang, the daggering (on Flash Sentry, who was trying to ask Twilight for a dance) and the Surra de Bunda (on Blue blood, but requested by Rarity, who was annoying her for a dance & to go for someplace... fancier). The place was going so well, until the door was knocked again. "I'll go check that out!" Pinkie announced "Go ahead!" Deadpool yelled, still doing the daggering on Flash Sentry AND the Surra de Bunda on Blueblood at the same time. "This just feels wrong." Flash commented to himself, blushing heavily. "I'm *HHMF!* being *HHMF!* Violated!!! *HHMF!*" Blue blood whined. Pinkie opened the door and screamed loudly. Everyone stopped partying and turned to the front door. Pinkie's cutie mark of balloons were now gone, but instead, a black equal mark, and the mare herself was now shades darker. "Starlight's here." Pinkie spoke before falling to the floor. Walking over her, holding a jar that now had Pinkie cutie mark, was- "REUSES ARIA BLAZE!!!" Deadpool yelled "She does look like Aria!" Sonata added "Hay Aria! Is Adagio with you!?" "What!? NO! I'm Starlight Glimmer!!!" She yelled "... Good name Aria! Really good, especially how you're hiding your cutiemark!!!" "I am Starlight Glimmer! I'm no 'Aria Blaze'!" "Oh yeah!? Proof!" Starlight's horn glowed and, in a few moments, Sonata's cutie mark came right off and entered the same jar that help Pinkie's. Her coat turned dark, and an equal cutie mark appeared. Sonata fell to the floor, now weakened. "I guess that's good enough." "That's right! All of you! Surrender to me now and live in perfect harmony! Your talents will be taken away, and you'll be just as good as the pony standing next to you! Soon, you'll see how great it is to live as a unified country where everyone's an equal to each other!!!" Silence fell among them. "You're seriously attacking all of us now?" Twilight asked "TWILIGHT!!! I knew you were here! Now I shall have my revenge and-" "Trixie thinks not!" The crowd gasped as, right behind Starlight, was the mare herself with Sethisto "Trixie was Twilight's rival before you came along, and Trixie is keeping that title to herself! You can learn from Trixie's mistake on getting revenge and move on with you life! Trixie already has, right, Sethisto?" "I love you Trixie!" Sethisto yelled with derp eyes. "Ha! That's because you failed, weakling!" Starlight's horn glowed and a bolt was fired at the showmare. In slow-motion, Sethisto pushed Trixie out of the way, taking all the damage as his cutie mark was removed. He fell to the floor, weak now. Trixie ran to Sethisto's side and carried his upper body & head with her hooves. "Sethisto!" She screamed. Sethisto coughed and looked to her. "Did... I do good?" he asked "You did! You did more than good!" "...Good." "Enough of this!" Sunset Shimmer yelled, walking to her Starlight's face "Just what gives you the right to turn everyone into a zombie and fight for you!" "Isn't it simple?" Starlight returned "Everypony with a different talent looks down at others who don't share the same talent as well. I am what brings everyone together to live in perfect harmony! It is my destiny to make everyone equal, with the added bonus of me being, not only it's princess, but a queen as well!" "You really think like that!? Then you are going to fail!" "Says who!?" "Says History! I've learned that first hand... or... hoof, by my new friend, Twilight Sparkle, and, thanks to Deadpool, I am now back in Equestria, ready to defend everyone I know & love from the likes of you!" "Is that so!? Well then... you'll soon love becoming equal, whether you like it or not!" *CRASH!!!* Everyone turned and saw Deadpool broke all the jars with a single hammer in his hands. "Seriosuly?" Deadpool asked "I can understand holding the Mane 6's cutie marks in jars and escaping with them, but with multiple jars!? You've got to be the stupidest villain this show has, up there with King Sombra! ... No offense." "None taken." Sombra spoke in the crowd. Deadpool teleported right in front of Starlight Glimmer, took the jar away from her, and broke it with a super small hammer, breaking the jar, making all the cutie marks go back to their original owners. "Oh look at that! It's like the ending of that super s***ty Scooby Doo movie!" "What the-!?" Starlight yelled "How'd you- I thought this would work!" "From the words of Party Favor... one you must've used on yourself... " "... How did that happen?" "MrAquino. Anyways, your plan sucked a lot, and please, tell us... how did you get YOUR cutie mark?" Starlight stared into space. Just by the way she stared, Someone on the interent found a fanmade picture of this, put on the captions 'horrible memories intensifies', and made the screen shake, showing how intense it is. But... for now, we'll just play this as she stares into space. Deadpool quickly took a Selfie with the deep space staring unicorn, mocking Party favor's overused "But I didn't listen!" face. She still didn't move at all. She was as stiff as a rock. Deadpool quickly threw her out of a window, falling face first into a trash can, but still, she didn't budge at all. Everyone stared at Deadpool. "...♫This is how we do it!!!♫" Deadpool yelled. Vinyl quickly went to the DJ Booth and played a famous song made my Montell Jordan and used for the final dance scene in Saints Row 4.
Our first Cyborg. Pony # 88: Blackjack "WHAT THE F**K WAS THAT!?!?!? Deadpool yelled, getting up from his bed. He was in his room, back in his house, with the corpse of Justin Beiber with in him, holding his stinking, gay, d*****bag corpse. He looked down at his bed and he found out that he- "MOTHER F**KER!!! P***ED MYSELF!!!" He got up from his bed, taking off his pants & underwear as, to keep a teen rating, he immediately put on a fresh pair of underwear. He did what would be a regular morning routine: he mashed his clothes in his laundry room, took a shower while humming & singing 'I'm Waling on Sunshine', putting on fresh clothes, and eating breakfast... LEVI STYLE!!! As Deadpool enjoyed his Vodka and toast, a familiar groaning was heard, followed by some various thumps. Falling and rooling to his table was Littlepip, who groggily opened her while opening her tired eyes. "What happened last night?" Littlepip asked "Good morning Littlepip!" Deadpool spoke "I think you became so drunk & tired, you slept through an entire day." "...I did? Well... what happened during my whole day of sleeping?" "Some friends and I killed Justin Beiber!" "...Justin Beiber? Who is he?" The roof cracked, and the corpse of the Canadian gay man-woman d*****bag fell right on top of the table! "That's Justin Beiber!" Littlepip's eyes widened "Shouldn't... you hid it?" "Oh yeah! Starlight is getting lonely." He picked up the corpse and threw it out the same window, as JB's body landed next to the trashcan where, the 2nd Evil Twilight Sparkle knockoff, still remained a statue with her eyes widened, still remembering what may be considered a dreaded past... or until the show continues! "Are you going to be like that with everypony that's considered 'evil'?" "Nah! Just the d*****bags." "... uh huh." A clang was heard right behind, and the two turned around. Standing where Deadpool sat with his breakfast, was another pony, drinking Deadpool's vodka. The pony looked like a more threatening robot than the R-Dash 5000, as it had wings that looked about as sharp as knives, had many cuts on it that looked like this pony was in combat, a small metal horn, and glowing red eyes that looked similar to Kai Leng in Mass Effect 3. Though it looked metallic, the muzzle was actually a very light grey coat color with a red & black striped mane & tail. They realized that this pony was a cyborg! It finished Deadpool's bottle, letting out a satisfied sigh. "That hits the spot!" The Cyborg spoke to herself, then turning to Deadpool & littlepip. The two sides stared at each other for a bit, as the cyborg looked back at the bottle. "Was this yours?" "...Not anymore." Deadpool replied. Littlepip approached to the cyborg. "Hold on... Littlepip!? "You... know me?" Littlepip spoke, tilting her head to the side. "Who are you?" "Are you kidding me!?" Deadpool yelled "I know who this is!" "You've heard of me?" The cyborg asked "Hell ya! You're Cable as an Alicorn!" "Cable!?" The ponies yelled "Yeah! You're a cyborg, from the future, and look: A tiny horn! I guess it's like your-" "Don't make fun of my horn!" the cyborg growled "I'm not making fun of it." Deadpool pinched the cyborg's tiny horn "It's just so cute! Look at it! I believe Asians everywhere will be like-" The cyborg's horn glowed white and a blast came out, blasting a clean hole in Deadpool's skull! Deadpool fell to the floor, making a puddle on the floor! "Told you not to make fun of it, mother bucker!" Littlepip stared at the Cyborg with her eyes wide open & her pupils as small as they could be. "I won't make fun of your horn." Littlepip commented "And you never did, Littlepip." "How do you know me!? Are you really from my time? I wouldn't be surprised if you heard me from the radio. Unless... ASSASSIN!!!" Littlepip pulled her Little Macintosh out and aimed it at the Cyborg. "WHOAH! Easy there! Littlepip, how can you not remember me? It's me, Blackjack, remember?" The cyborg walked to her, but Littlepip aimed closer, causing Blackjack to stop in her steps. "Blackjack? I have no memory of that name at all! Did the overmare send you to kill me!?" "WHAT!? NO!!! Don't you remember? That adventure we had together? We both wanted to make the wastelands a better place for everyone? Or... what we did that night together?" "I... don't know what you're talking about!" Littlepip lowered her gun a bit, and Blackjack grabbed Littlepip, as her front hooves turned into hands and she stood look a bipedal. "Perhaps you'll remember this." Blackjack laid her lips on Littlepip and the two kissed! Littlepip's eyes opened wide and her pupils expanded, as she saw the past that she made herself forget on purpose! The kiss lasted for a few seconds, and Blackjack pulled her head back, and Littlepip gasped at seeing how she had changed! "Blackjack! W-what happened to you!? You're... a full cyborg Alicorn!" "Ah... now you remember." "I do now, but... what happened to you!? You were a unicorn and now.. you're this!" "I had to get upgraded, Littlepip. Some pony named Lighthooves converted himself and his followers into cyborgs, and I could only defeat them by converting myself into one." Littlepip raised a hoof and touched Blackjack's face. It was cold to the touch, and she looked at Blackjack's body. "How... does it feel?" "I really can't feel anything on my skin anymore." "Not even here?" Littlepip booped Blackjack's muzzle. Blackjack scrunched a bit, then looked back at Littlepip. "Alright, I feel there." "Do you... miss your old self?" "My old self? Kinda... I was fine with these legs & hooves, but now being this... abomination? I really do miss being back as my old self." "How did you get here?" "Here? The door was open and I needed a place to sleep in." "No, I meant... how did you come HERE!?" "...And where is here?" "Equestria. More specifically, the past." "Wait... this is the past!?" "It is." "... Mother of Celestia! Do you know what this means!?" "I already know, Blackjack. We can-" "I CAN HAVE ALL THE BOOZE IN THE WOLRD!!!" "...also that. Strange... Deadpool's been silent." "Deadpool?" "The human you made a hole in after he touched you horn." "Him!? Well... yeah he's silent; He's dead!" "Actually, he can regenerate quickly and replace all organs almost instantly." "...Really!?" "Yes. I've seen him do it a couple of times... though they were really shown by his friends. Where is h- OH! There he is!" Blackjack turned around and saw Deadpool with his taco squad. "...What is he doing?" "You two are such a lovely couple," Deadpool spoke finally "So we hope you love this song from a famous duo!" "Can't forget the helmets!" Discord spoke, snapping his claw hand! Pinkie and Discord both now wore the helmets of Daft Punk (Pinkie wearing the Gold while Discord the other). The music began to play "♫Like the legend of the Phoenix,♫" Sonata sang "♫All ends with beginnings. What keeps the planets spinning, the force from the beginning.♫" "♫We've... come too far... to give up... who we are,♫" all of the Taco Squad sang along "♫So let's raise the bar, and our cups, to the stars! We're up all night till the sun, I'm up all night to get some. We're up all night for good fun, I'm up all night to get lucky. We're up all night till the sun, We're up all night to get some. We're up all night for good fun. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky.♫" "♫The present has no ribbon, Your gift keeps on giving. What is this I'm feeling?If you want to leave, I'm with it.♫" "♫We've... come too far... to give up... who we are, So let's raise the bar, and our cups, to the stars! We're up all night till the sun, I'm up all night to get some. We're up all night for good fun, I'm up all night to get lucky. We're up all night till the sun, We're up all night to get some. We're up all night for good fun. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky♫" Blackjack's eyes went from her harsh red eyes, turning into a cool blue color, and out her mouth, she began to sing as well. Littlepip began to dance with her, both doing a robot dance with each other. "♫We're up all night to get.♫" Blackjack sang "♫ We're up all night to get... We're up all night to get... We're up all night to get... We're up all night to get... We're up all night (let's get back again) We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get luck. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky.♫" "♫We've... come too far... to give up... who we are, So let's raise the bar, and our cups, to the stars! We're up all night till the sun, I'm up all night to get some. We're up all night for good fun, I'm up all night to get lucky. We're up all night till the sun, We're up all night to get some. We're up all night for good fun. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky. We're up all night to get lucky♫" Everything went back to normal. "...What the hell just happened!?" Blackjack asked, regaining control. "That's something normal here!" Pinkie exclaimed "We just have fun!" Deadpool added "Trust me," Littlepip spoke "it's best to go with it." Blackjack stared at Littlepip. "I need to cut the drinking." Blackjack simply spoke. "Not yet!" Deadpool yelled. He teleported next to Blackjack with his cellphone out. "SAY TECHNOLOGIC!!!" "Technologic!?" Deadpool took the picture. She turned and saw Fluffle Puff clicking on some buttons on a remote, making Blackjack say stuff not under her control! Soon, Discord and Pinkie stood next to each other, still with their helmets, as they both played what may be a Bass or guitar, with Sonata controlling a creepy looking Baby/Chucky/Robot/Doll/Puppet thing. "Is she alright?" Littlepip asked. "I'm pretty sure she's going to hate Daft Punk now." Deadpool replied. Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next? As mentioned with the Littlepip chapter, I know very little about Fallout: Equestria. I read some things about Blackjack and how she knows Littlepip, but other than that, I know next to nothing about their adventures together. In case you don't know what Blackjack looks like, here:
3rd Wheel. Pony # 89, 90, and 91: Cheese Sandwich, Weird Al Yankovik, and AnimatedJamesBlackjack and Litlepip left Deadpool's house. Blackjack was still p***ed at Deadpool's friends making her sing like a robot, but was calmed down as Littlepip walked beside her. Deadpool, on the other hand, heard something familiar. Is that... Polka? Oh great! The virgins are here! "This isn't regular polka!" Deadpool announced "It's... WEIRD AL POLKA!!!" Running like a bat outta hell, Deadpool ran to the town center, where a crowd was gathered around two ponies. Both were male & earth ponies, but one was blue with a simple black mane & his cutie mark was the awesome face with a gun on it's head. The other was yellow-orange with a brown, Pinkie looking mane & tail, wearing a yellow collared shirt and his cutie mark was an accordion. Who are those two!? Well... the blue one is Animatedjames. ... I... don't remember him. He's the guy that made the Sonic vs. MLP videos. OH!!! What about the other? I would guess Cheese sandwich, but this one's an accordion, not, well, a cheese sandwich. Hold on a minute. Are you saying that's- "Hello everypony!" The Cheese Sandwich pony announced "The name's Alfred Matthew Yankovic, but please, call me Weird Al." "And I'm just a random guy." Animated James spoke in his disinterested tone. "And I'm Deadpool!" Deadpool announced, appearing right next to the two wearing Polka gear. Before the two could say anything, Deadpool began to play the music. The following result was a cross between these two songs that are polka parodies of other various songs, as it switched between both Weird Al and Animated James, singing the respectful songs they made themselves. Well... he's certainly becoming lazy Yeah... almost as if he's- Don't say it. ILLUMINATI!!! "That was fun!" Deadpool yelled, jumping into the air like an idiot. "Deadpool!?" James yelled in surprise. "You're marvel, this is Hasbro, how are you here!?" "One word: Didney!" James stared into space, but, luckily for him, didn't go into a statue phase as Starlight Glimmer. "Oh." "Those were great polka skills!" Weird Al commented "Stop it!" Deadpool replied, blushing past his mask while waving his right hand like a woman. "I do wonder though: why aren't YOU a pony like us!?" "...Typical." James commented "Are any of the other guys here?" "Of course there is!" Deadpool spoke "Just look out there!" They both turned and saw Discord running away from KP. "Get away from me!" Discord yelled "NOTICE ME SENPAI!!!" KP yelled. "And over there." Deadpool spoke, pointing to Solrac standing next to Flufflepuff. "COCKADOODLEDOO!!!" solrac yelled, literally blowing Fluffle Puff away. "And over there." Sonata ran next to Pewdiepie and Markiplier, as Sibsy chased them with Mando right behind her. "DUCKY!!!" Sibsy yelled "That's not a duck!" Mando yelled "And-" Deadpool paused, seeing BlackGryph0n and Michelle Kreiber standing alone "Wait a minute... where's Pinkie!?" "Pinkie!?" Weird Al asked excitedly "Last time I saw her, she was with me." "WHAT!?" Both Deadpool and James asked "Well... not really me, but Cheese Sandwich." "Cheese sandwich is here!?" Deadpool yelled, picking the two up by their tails. "WE MUST SEE THE SHIP SAIL!!!" "The what!?" "It's a term used on the internet to describe two characters falling in love." James simply spoke. Deadpool ran like a bat outta hell, going to the park! After a few minutes of running, they stopped at a tree and found the two ponies together. Aw... young love. Yeah... let's imagine he's Flash Sentry. "We're not gonna kill him!" Deadpool yelled to himself. "And I totally doubt he'll try to kill Pinkie when she's turning into... rocks? Hey James! Do you plan on making Maud sing-" "OH HELL NO!!!" James interrupted "I'm tired of that stupid song!" "... Your loss!" "'Ello!" Pinkie and Cheese Sandwich greeted themselves, appearing right behind Deadpool and causing the two other to jump back a bit. "Hold on," Pinkie spoke "Who's that!?" "I have no idea!" Cheese replied. He walked to Weird Al and looked at his other face to face. "Are you... my brother!?" "I wish!" Weird Al replied. "Name's Weird Al!" Weird Al extended his hoof to Cheese "...Cheese Sandwich." Cheese shook Weird Al's Hoof. The two locked and shooked. "And no one cares about me." James commented. Pinkie gasped and appeared right behind him. "OH-MY-GOSH!!!" Pinkie yelled "Oh please! All but her!" "Hey James," Deadpool spoke with a low growl "that Mr.Cake cosplayer." James's pupils shrunk and he shivered, then awkwardly smiled as Pinkie approached next to him. "So... you enjoy polka?" Cheese sandwich asked "I LOVE Polka!!!" Weird Al replied "You enjoy Cheese Sandwiches!?" "I LOVE it times ten!!!" "SELFIE!!!" Deadpool yelled. On instinct, Pinkie grabbed James and threw him in the sky as the Half brother jumped in the air as well as Deadpool took the Selfie with them! James feel to the floor, but got up, wiping himself off. Pinkie approached to him. "Here," she spoke "let me help you!" She just tapped James on the cheek were a certain Mr.Cake Cosplayer punched, and James fell to the floor instantly, Knocked out! "And Remember Kids," Deadpool spoke in an announcer's voice "No one wants to be a Squidward!" Author's Note WEIRD AL YANKOVIC!!! One of my personal Man crushes... next to Chris Hemsworth and Robert Downey Junior. I love you avengers! Check out Animated Jame's Channel And, like a lot of bronies, I have a haunch that both Pinkie and Cheese will be a couple. If you don't get Didney, it's Disney, but the real fact was that Disney was going to purchase Hasbro. The more you know! Oh! And I finally learned the Word thing Who should Deadpool meet next?
I guess humans are now available. Human #2: Gilgamesh (From "The Mighty Warrior of Epicness")Pinkie, Cheese Sandwich, and Weird Al took Animatedjames to the hospital, and the Merc traveled around town. Who knows, he may take a Selfie with a pony that he has yet to meet that has been there since Season 1... like Big Mac! We really do need to make a list on who we need to meet. F**k that! We go as we please! Are you sure? We may encounter something... weirder than usual. Like what? "AHOY THERE!!!" A voice yelled from above. Deadpool looked up and saw what was another human! He was in what was a red-orange suit of armor with a matching cape, balancing on what was an ornate blade on a staff on a branch of a tree. "What... the f**k... are you?" Deadpool asked. The other human jumped off with his weapon, placing it on the floor. He stood at least three feet taller than everyone's favorite Mercenary. "You've never heard of me?" He replied "Oh... shame, cause everypony knows me!" "...Everypony knows you?" "Oh yes! They use to know me! Oi! Twilight! Still looking for me!?" The two saw the purple Alicorn, who just stared at the two. Her right eye twitched and she fell to the floor, fainted at the sight of another human here in Equestria. "I'm not sure if she does remember you." "Oh please! Celestia should, after all, I broke out a few moments after Discord broke free!" Deadpool stared at the other human for a few moments. "Who are you, exactly?" "Why, my other human friend, I am the best warrior of all time! I live for the heart of battle, and I will gladly take on any challenger, no matter how young or old, stupid or smart, experienced or not! I... AM... GILGAMESH!!!" Silence fell between the two, and a tumbleweed passed by. "Great... still with that Tumbleweed!" "Gilgamesh... why does that sound familiar?" Probably because it reminds us so much of MrAquino's other story? NAH!!! Look at his library! How about both? "WHAT THE F**K!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled "Gilgamesh!!!" The other human replied, waving his fingers as if he were psychic. Deadpool pulled out his cellphone and- HEY!!! DON'T LOOK AT THAT STUFF!!! "Huh... that's interesting." Deadpool commented, reading Gilgamesh's background "I know!" Gilgamesh replied "So you battled her and did all that!" "Hell yeah!" "Damn!!! Quite impressive... quite impressive." "But of course, I do have to thank my friends for those adventures!" "Like Nemesis?" "You know him!?" "Know him? N***a! I fought him before!!! He's a little b***h against me!" Gilgamesh got up and snorted through his nose! "What'd you say he is!?" Deadpool got up and tiptoed to Gilgamesh's face. "He's... a... little... b***h." The two stared with each other, as fire was in their eyes. "Who do you think you are? Spider-Man!?" "No! I'm-" Deadpool's Taco squad came right behind him with explosions happening right behind him! "THAT'S NO FAIR!!!" Gilgamesh yelled "You get an intro song and all I get is a stupid tumbleweed!!!" "SUCK IT!!!" Deadpool replied, doing a hump around his hands around his nuts! Gilgamesh punched Deadpool straight across his face! The punch was somewhere between Maud's Punch and Tirek's punch, so, either way, it hurts like hell! "LASER EYE!!!" Gilgamesh fired a pair of lasers from his eyes that burned Deadpool! Not wanting to quit, he fired a larger blast, burning Deadpool to a crisp! Deadpool's body was now very dark and crispy, and it stood there. "OH S**T!!! I killed someone!!!" Gilgamesh turned around and began to run away. He stopped when some cracking was heard, and then turned around, seeing Deadpool get out of the crispy shell of himself, showing a fleshy body that, along with his costume, began to heal itself! "What The-!?" "MY TURN!!!" Turn Deathstroke into Deadpool Gilgamesh fell to the floor, feeling a large deal of pain in his chest! He pulled out Deadpool's sword out, as his body began to heal his wounds. "What the hell!?" Gilgamesh yelled "I thought I killed you!" "Oh come on," Deadpool replied "You've killed animals before!" "Only for food! You've killed other things that were once sentient!" "Alright, 3 Reasons: 1) They're D*****bags that deserved to be killed. 2) I haven't killed most of the d*****bags yet. And 3) The head of Tirek is still alive for some unknown reason, Starlight Glimmer is still a statue, and I'm sure I did a solid for both worlds with those awesome, over the top killings on Justin 'Anti-Christ' Beiber." "I'll give you the last one!" "And you heal rapidly too!? Hard hitter and a fast healing? Looks like I got most from this challenge." "You're... asking for a duel!?!?!?" "F**K YEAH!!!" Deadpool pulled out another sword and got into a fighting position! "FINALLY!!! A duel!!! We need some music playing!" "Agreed! Yo!!! MrAquino!!!" The two circled each other. "Dubstep, eh?" "Yeah... let's try to make the beat match with our fighting." "Wanna try no weapons? "... Sure." They both dropped their weapons and went into a fighting position circling each other. When the words 'Fight!' came in, they both charged at each other! While Gigamesh began to throw his punches, Deadpool dodged them easily, punching him in the gut! Gil grabbed DP's head and began to release a few punches at his face! Deadpool teleported out and, grabbed the back of his head, slamming Gil to the floor! "RKO OUTTA NOWHERE!!!" Deadpool Yelled! "Shoryuken!!!" Gil yelled, delivering the punch from street fighter! DP was thrown into the air a bit, where Gil charged up a punch so powerful, DP was sent through an Injustice stage transition. Not really sure how, but Deadpool crashed into his home where a Cake was in the middle (most likely Pinkie Pie's doing), where the cake broke, revealing a party canon inside! Pinkie unknowingly fires the canon, sending Deadpool away as he was fired to Canterlot! Something like this. Deadpool landed in the streets of Canterlot, and Gilgamesh appeared right in front of him, exiting a portal that he must've made with his weapon! "Had enough?" He asked "F**K NO!!!" Deadpool yelled, getting up. "YO! Stage Transition!" A truck with the same chemicals that blinded Daredevil appeared right behind Gilgamesh. Gilgamesh slid across the rooftop, getting up and cracking his bones. Deadpool teleported right behind him! "Had Enough!?" Deadpool asked, mimicking Gilgamesh's voice "...That's it!" Gilgamesh yelled "Weapons are now on!" "Oh boy! Time to test my swords out!" Deadpool pulled out his twin Katanas! Gilgamesh swung his spear around, as he was ready to duke it out! "Hit it!" The two charged at each other with their weapons! Gilgamesh began to use his weapons as if it were a helicopter blade, but Deadpool swung his swords and stopped his opponent's weapon! DP head-butted Gilgamesh, causing him to be stunned. Deadpool began to charge at him, but slid under him, pulling two guns out, and fired at Gilgamesh's... balls. Gilgamesh fell to the floor, holding his lower belt area, wheezing in pain! "Like any man or weird She-Male thing, the lower area is always the weakness, especially when shot at! Say hello to the world, Fred!!!" In so much pain, Gilgamesh must've followed everything Deadpool said, as he did this with Deadpool as everyone inflicting so much pain on him, though 'Dog' was a certain Minotaur we know. Gilgamesh was punched so hard, not only did he fly, but he went through yet ANOTHER stage transition! Deadpool landed next to Gilgamesh, who was coughing really hard! "Need a break?" Deadpool asked, offering the warrior some apple juice that had, on it's label, 'Appul Joose'. Gilgamesh looked up to Deadpool with rage in his eyes "No one... beats... GILGAMESH!!!" he replied Deadpool slowly, but steadily got up, healing with barely any sign of damage on him. "...Ow." DP simply said. "How are you still up!?" Gilgamesh yelled "Easy... I'm too awesome!" "Yeah right! Have you encountered some of the things I've gone through!? You're lucky by this point! I just haven't really wanted to kill you, but seriously injure you to the point of not wsalking! Now that you're still up & running like it's nothing, I'm going to have to put you down... permanently!" "HAMMER TIME!!!" "Oh hell naw!!! I know that Shao Kahn Bulls**t!!!" Deadpool got up and the two locked fists with each other. The two growled at each other, until music began to play. They both turned and saw Deadpool's Taco squad playing a famous Daft Punk Song. Sonata repeated the 'You are Face to Face now." The two tapped their foot at the same time and began to dance together. "♫What's going on?♫" They both sang "♫Could this be my understanding? It's not your fault, I was being too demanding. I must admit it's my pride that made me distant, all because I hoped that you'd be someone different. There's not much I know about you, fear will always make you blind. But the answer is in clear view, it's amazing what you'll find face to face!♫" They both danced for a few moments, then continued."♫I turned away because I thought you were the problem! Tried to forget... until I hit the bottom. But when I faced you in my blank confusion, I realized you weren't wrong, it was a mere illusion! It really didn't make sense, just to leave this unresolved. It's not hard to go the distance when you finally get involved face to face!!!♫" More dancing followed by the two, who started to begin to laugh with each other! "♫It really didn't make sense, just to leave this unresolved. It's not hard to go the distance when you finally get involved face to face!!!♫" The two looked to each other. "Look," Deadpool spoke "I'm... sorry for making fun of your friend back there." "No no," Gilgamesh spoke "I'm sorry for attacking first. I broke my code on only waiting for people to challenge me first, never the opposite!" "Truce?" Deadpool asked, holding his hand out. "Truce." Gilgamesh reached his hand out and shook it. Author's Note I apologize if I didn't follow the character very well. A lot's been going on since my parent's became divorce
YO MAMA!!! Pony #92: Brody (From Yo Mama!)Gilgamesh left back to his world in the Final Fantasy universe, still waiting to be in Kingdom Hearts, but was now an honorary member of the Taco Squad. Deadpool, realizing how he was now in Manehatten, travelled into the city, but stopped as he heard a familiar theme song. The theme to 'YO MAMA'!?!?!? Possibly... or it could be a new song Vinyl made. "Only one way to find out!" Deadpool spoke to himself. He teleported over to where a stage was present, almost like Trixie's, but there was plenty of Energy drinks, Doritos looking chips, and other stuff that would make a true C.o.Doody fan happy. Right on stage was an earth pony stallion that looked really familiar with Bulk Biceps/ Snowflake, with a tan colored coat, a yellow mane & tail, a pink folded shirt, and a can of a 'Four' energy drink. "LE'TS GET IT ON!!!" The D*****bag looking pony yelled in a voice WAY TOO familiar to Kronk. from a certain Disney movie. "Do any of you got what it takes to make the best 'Yo mama' joke!?" AHA!!! IT IS BRODY!!! But... he's not a brony... is he? "We got Pewdiepie & Marzia, Markiplier, Dan... do I need to say more? For all we will know, we may get Ghost from Radio Graffiti. Now we're going to get requests for him! IT'LL BE LIKE WOLVERINE MINUS THE PAIN AND MORE SWEARING!!! "Who can go against me!?" Brody yelled "I WILL!!!" Deadpool yelled from above! Everyone gasped when Deadpool appeared right in front of Brony, wearing the exact attire Brody was wearing. "Deadpool!?" "Brody!!!" "This is a battle that will go down in history!!!" "It will!!! BEGIN!!!" "Alright... Wade... let's see who goes down first!" "The pleasure's all yours!" "Ahem... Yo mama's so FAT: Galactus yelled 'DAMN!!! I CAN'T EAT THAT!!!'" "Oh yeah! Yo mama's so FAT: Celestia banished Luna to her A**!!!" "Yo mama's so UGLY,Swamp Thing won Miss Universe thanks to her!!!" "Yo mama's so STUPID, She makes Snips and Snails smarter!!!" "Yo mama's so hairy, Sabertooth was jealous!!!" "Yo mama's so ugly Her Cutie mark has a bag over it!!!" "Yo mama's so ugly, Mystique lost her disguise when she saw her!!!" "Yo mama's so ugly, She made Fluttershy cry!!!" "Yo mama's so Stupid, She thought the wrecking crew was Miley Cirrus's crew in 'Wrecking Ball'!!!" "Yo mama's so OLD, she witnessed the birth Celestia & Luna!!!" "Yo mama's so old, Not even the watchers know her age!" "Yo mama's so fat, Dashie couldn't fly around her in 10 seconds flat!!!" "Yo mama's so ugly, She made the thing S**t bricks!!!" "Yo mama's so poor, She sold her cutie mark to the Cutie mark Crusaders!!!" "Yo mama's so Ugly, She's the reason Daredevil's blind!!!" "Yo mama's so old, Granny Smith yelled 'DAMN!!!'" "Yo mama's so Short, Breezies thought she was a bug!!!" "Yo mama's so stupid, She though Iron Man was a Butler's title!" "Yo mama's so ugly, Not even G3 Ponies want to be around her!!!" "Yo mama's so fat, Not even the Hulk can lift her!!!" "Yo mama's so old, she was with Starswirl when he was in Kindergarten!!!" "... Yo mama's so ugly, She made you!!!" Deadpool and the crowd gasped! Brody smiled as if to say 'Yeah, I won!'. "That's it! This battle's been going on for far too long!!! Time for the ultimate one!!!" Deadpool Spoke. He took a deep breath and released a Yo mama joke so powerful, everyone, including Brody, had their mouths wide open in shock!!! Deadpool stared at the crowd for a bit. Deadpool had an awful, evil smile under his mask that'd rival the Grinch's, as he quickly took a Selfie with Brody (giving him the middle finger) and ran away! Brody snapped out of his phase and began to chase after Deadpool! Unfortunately, Deadpool didn't chose the thug life, but the thug life chose him, as he ran away with a famous song with lyrics that NSFW Author's Note Brody design based off of this video (couldn't find picture) Got any Yo Mama jokes for MLP and/or Marvel? Who should Deadpool meet next?
I'm in love with the- Pony #93 & 94: Coco Pomell and Suri PolomareDeadpool turned the corner and ran into a nearby store, leaning against the door in case Brody followed him. Luckily, Brody wasn't too smart, and he continued to 'chase' Deadpool. "Is somepony there?" a familiar voice asked. Some clopping was heard and, from right behind the corner came a earth pony mare with a Light, amberish gray coat and with a Maud looking mane that was a light cyan with a light, opalish gray line in the middle of her mane. Her Cutie Mark strangely looked similar to a Pimp's hat, something 'A Pimp Named Slickback' would wear. Deadpool stared at her, and the pony stared at him. Oh S**T!!! Coco... Pomell! She's... so... ADORABLE!!! "Can I help you?" Coco asked timidly. Deadpool opened his mouth, but out came gibberish that Mr. Krabs said to Mrs. Puff in SpongeBob Squarepants. Coco stared at him awkwardly. "Are... you alright?" Deadpool fell to the floor, his body twitching uncontrollably! Coco screamed a bit and ran into the back! "Oh no!" She said to herself "Where's that Defib!?" In a few seconds of panicked search, she found her Defibrillator and ran back to where Deadpool supposedly died. She stopped, seeing Deadpool not only standing, but moving as well, as he had on a sideways cap, some baggy pants that hung below his knees, a white undershirt, some gold chains around his neck, and, all around him, Chocolate! Music began to play, and Coco stood, having more questions in her mind rather than answers. "♫I'm in love with the coco!♫" Deadpool sang, doing whatever dance was considered 'cool' these days "♫ I'm in love with the coco! I got it for the low, low! I'm in love with the coco! I'm in love with the coco! I'm in love with the coco! I got it for the low, low! I'm in love with the coco! Hit my plug, that's my c***o! Cause he got it for the low, low. If you snitchin' I go loco! Hit you with that treinta ocho! N****s thinkin' that I'm solo! Fifty deep, they like, 'oh, no!'. Heard the feds takin' photos; I know nothin', f**k the popo!!!♫" Deadpool pulled out some Baking Soda outta nowhere. "♫Bakin' soda, I got bakin' soda!!!♫" "... Baking Soda?" Coco commented, really unsure on what he's doing. "♫Bakin' soda, I got bakin' soda!!!♫" "What are you trying to achieve?" "♫Whip it through the glass, n***a! I'm blowin' money fast, n***a!!! I'm in love with the coco! I'm in love with the coco! I got it for the low, low! I'm in love with the coco! I'm in love with the coco! I'm in love with the coco! I got it for the low, low! I'm in love with the coco! Thirty six, that's a kilo! Need a brick, miss my free throw! I'm in love, just like Ne-Yo! Bustin' shots, now he Neo! Free my homies, f**k the C.O!!! F**k the judge, f**k my P.O! all this coke, like I'm Nino! Water whip, like I'm Nemo!!! Bakin' soda, I got bakin' soda!!!♫" "What does Baking Soda have to do with chocolate!?" "♫Bakin' soda, I got bakin' soda!!!♫" "MAKE SENSE!!!" "♫Whip it through the glass, n***a! I'm blowin' money fast, n***a!!! I'm in love with the coco! I'm in love with the coco! I got it for the low, low! I'm in love with the coco! I'm in love with the coco! I'm in love with the coco! I got it for the low, low! I'm in love with the coco!♫" The two sides stopped and stared at each other. "What was that about?" "My love for you, Coco Pomell!!!" "You... know me!?" "Yes Ma'am!" He teleported to her, carrying the pony in his arms "Name's Deadpool!" "DEADPOOL!?!?!?" "Eeyup! BELLY RUBS!!!" "Belly WHAT!?" Deadpool used his left arm and began to give a belly rub to Coco. Coco's expression went from pure fear to relaxation, as Deadpool himself chuckled, watching Coco's left hind leg adorably kick. "COCO!!!" A voice yelled. Deadpool stopped and Coco had a shock of fear in her face! Out from the corner, came out a pink pony with a purple mane & tail, a cream colored thing in her mane, and she wore a sky blue handkerchief. "Suri!!!" "Coco!!! Why is there chocolate everywhere!? And who the hay is that!?" "Suri Polomare!?" Deadpool yelled. He held Coco like many of us did with a puppy or kitten, having Coco's hind legs dangle in the air "You're still with this b***h!?" "I had to get a job!" Coco replied "I never imagine that I'd work with her again." "That's right!" Suri added "Now get back here or you're fired!!!" "Says who!?" Deadpool yelled in anger, gently dropping Coco on the floor. "Our boss!" "AND WHO THE F**K IS THAT!?!?!?" "His name is Johann Shmidt! Now, I say you get out or-" "Is there a problem?" A male Voice asked. from around the corner, came- "HOLY S**T!!!" Deadpool yelled "A HYDRA AGENT!!!" The agent tunred to Deadpool and backed up, hitting the wall! "DEADPOOL!?!?!?" He yelled in fear, then turned around, grabbing Suri in his arms and ran away "Attention all Hydra agents: Deadpool is here!!! Repeat, Deadpool is here!!!" Deadpool and Coco stared at the door the Hydra agent went through (leading to a nightclub next door), then turned to each other. "Your old boss is with Hydra?" Deadpool asked "I don't even know what this 'Hydra' is." Coco replied. "Hydra is a stereotypical Nazi group that got famous after Captain Puerto Rico's Winter Soldier." "...Winter Soldier?" "Awesome film! IGN gave it a 2 out of 10, 'Needed more Hydras.'." Deadpool walked to the door and pulled out a pistol. "What are you going to do?" "I'm the best at what I do, and I what I do, isn't very nice." Coco's pupils shrunk. "Ah, don't worry! I'll be fine! As for them, however-" Deadpool kicked the door and became the bad*ss we know him for! Due to the original clip taken off due to copyrights, you'll need to skip to 4:20... and no weed jokes intended!!! Also, image all enemies as Hydra Agents and Deadpool yells 'HEADSHOT!!!'. The last Hydra soldier ran to the exit, but Deadpool teleported in front of him. "What the-!?" The soldier yelled. Without any word, Deadpool kicked him in the balls!!! The soldier fell, wheezing hard. Deadpool pulled out another gun and placed it on his head. "Unless you want brans splattered everywhere," Deadpool spoke "Start talking! What is Hydra doing here!?" "...We're... gaining intel." "Intel, eh? What for!?" "Red Skull... sent us... for the... Masters of Evil!" "Master of Evil!? Those d*****bags that work together only for power!?" "...yes?" "S**t just got real. Where's your friend taking Suri!?" "To... her house!" "And where is that?" "I'll never tell!!!" "...We'll see!!!" He knocked out the agent with a hard b***h slap! Some static was heard, and Deadpool noticed a radio on the guy. Deadpool picked it up and listened "Are you there?" The hydra on the other side asked "...Yarp!" Deadpool replied "Is Deadpool taken care of?" "Yarp!" "And he's not getting up, right?" "... Narp?" "...Good. Proceed to the old castle." "... oh s**t!" Deadpool made it to the old castle of the royal sisters that night. Already, guards were everywhere, keeping a keen eye out for a trouble. And, if by Keen, as if having guys walk like clockwork toys, then yeah... keen fits in their description. "LIBERATION: RAMBO STYLE!!!" Deadpool yelled. All the guards were dead. Deadpool entered the abandoned castle, where Suri cowered in fear. "Deadpool!" She screamed, backing into a wall. "Listen! I had no idea they-" "SHADDUP!!!" Deadpool yelled, pulling a pistol out. "I'm here for some unfinished business." Suris' pupils shrunk, seeing a weapon he used to kill the other humans. "Please! You don't want to-" A Hydra soldier grabbed her. "HAIL HYDRA!!!" He yelled, holding a grenade to do a suicide "HAIL BULLET!!!" Deadpool yelled, firing a single round into the soldier's hand! The Hydra member dropped Suri and fell to the floor, screaming in pain. Suri only watched in horror on what Deadpool did to the lone Hydra soldier with the grenade. "And now," Deadpool spoke "Your turn." Suri backed away, cowering in fear. The doors opened and Coco ran in. "WAIT!!!" Coco yelled, running inside. She stopped at Deadpool's feet, taking deep breaths. "I know Suri isn't the best pony, but please, she's not evil!!!" "...Explain." Deadpool spoke. "Watch." Coco took off the weird head band thing Suri wore. Though it looked normal, inside were many wires. "BRAINWASHING!?!?!?" "Where am I!?" Suri asked, looking everywhere in fear. "W-what happened here!?" "How do you know this?" Deadpool asked Coco "Because I helped her." Out from the door, Luna came in. "MOONCHEEKS!!!" "Stop calling me that!!! Coco went to me to help find out what's wrong with Suri and why this... Hydra group is here. We investigated her home and found a lone Hydra soldier inside. I interrogated him and he told us everything. Now please, leave Suri alone." Deadpool turned to the frightened pony. "You're Lucky it was Hydra! If it weren't, you'd be dead!" "Please," Suri begged "I don't want any trouble! I've already dealt with Rarity, I don't need to die!" "And you'll live. For now, however, Selfie!!!" "Selfie!?" the two ponies asked. Deadpool slid to the two and took a Selfie with two confused looking ponies. "By the way, Coco... I love you!" Coco blushed. "You... love me?" She asked "Oh yes. Care to go home with me?" "... Is it alright, Luna?" "It is." Luna replied "Then yes! I do, Deadpool! Thank you for listening!" "No problem." He replied. Coco ran and hugged. Deadpool returned the hug, but looked back at Suri and gave her the finger! "Can I go home now?" Suri asked. Author's Note THE THIRD WAIFU IS DONE!!! And yes: At least 25 Hydra members were harmed in the making of this chapter. Who should Deadpool meet next?
Made by him. Pony # 99: My Brother (Quinton)Deadpool struggled to open Sugar Belle's canister. We're gonna be rich! How rich? Stupid rich!!! "NO REFERANCES TO THOSE TURTLES!!!" Deadpool yelled. He opened it successfully and out came... real dough. Deadpool stared at it and his mind began to run what was happening. Did... did they rip us off LIKE THAT!?!?!? No, Dumb***!!! They don't know out 'dough' as cash, so Sugar Belle, their baker, had lots of literal dough and we took it! I saw this going down like the ending to 'Shutter Island'. Huh...I thought you said it was going to be like 'Devil'. "Enough films with endings that are predictable! Besides, the most predictable with the trailer that ruined it has got to be 'The Not-so-Amazing Hipster'!" "HATER!!!" A voice yelled right behind. Deadpool turned around and, right in front of him, was a small, green Pegasus stallion with a brown mane that looked similar to KingSpartaX37's design, having a golden bar for his cutie mark. "What di you just say!?" "I said you're a Hater! LIKE MY BROTHER!!!" "...Yo! MrAquino!" Read the 'Author's notes' below. "Fine! ... F**k. You're MrAquino's brother?" "Yes, I am! You are a hater, just like him!" "I'm not a hater! I'm stating the obvious!" "No! YOU'RE HATING ON WHAT I ENJOY AND YOU ARE A HATER!!!" "I AM NOT!!! The evidence is right in front of you!" "HATER!!!" "We see it in the Trailer! Abandoned to uncle & aunt, high school, find's father's bag, science area where he gets powers! Change, uses powers to get revenge! Pracitce! Finds out there's trouble that'll kill more people! Police captures and-" "HATER!!!" "Oh! I'm the hater! What about your feeling with Terminator Genysis!?" "THAT MOVIE'S GOING TO SUCK!!!" "But you're the hater, aren't you!?" "You're a bigger hater than me!" "I'm not a hater at all! I follow the crowd in most things!" "YOU'RE ALL HATERS!!!" "And what!? You didn't wish to listen to the reviews for I, Frankenstein!?" "I thought it was going to be good!" "And why-!?" "It looked good." "BULLS**T!!! You just wanted to watch it because it's 'from the creators of the underworld movies'!" "I LOVE THOSE MOVIES!!!" "They were awful! It's the same thing!" "HATER!!!" "SHUT UP!!! It's vampires with guns killing Werewolves and other vampires, some bulls**t drama about love, ending with a monologue about how vampires are better than werewolves!" "HATER!!!" "And don't get me started with both M.Night Shamaleon and Michel 'Boom' Bae!!! "HATER!!!" "You already know they suck! Admit it! ♫You little stupis a** b***h! I ain't f**king with you!!! ♫" "HATER!!!" Then... my brother coughed hard. You know when you cough so hard, some spit comes out all over the floor? Yeah... that's what happened. The spit landed on the floor, but it began to glow a bit. "...Do you have Ebola?" "...No. Why?" Deadpool sniffed the air! "That's the smell of Ebola!" The spit glowed a brighter light, followed by a blinding light! The two covered their eyes, and saw the spit rise from the floor! In one final blast, a figure came! "...What is that?" "A...Giant floating head... of Kevin Bacon... made from your Ebola." "AND EQUESTRIA'S MINE!!!" Kebola Bacon yelled. It floated right towards Ponyville, where it's eyes became red and it fired flaming pickles at the ponies below! The ponies below ran for their lives, as pickles destroyed their homes and other things! Kebola opened his mouth and, just like a machine gun, it fired flaming marshmallows, one, ironically, hitting Rarity in her mane. "Marshmallow's in manes!?" She yelled "This has to be the WORST POSSILBE THING!!!" She fell to the floor, landing on her couch. Deadpool and Quinton looked over the mountain, seeing the damage Kebola was doing. "For the record," Deadpool spoke "this is your fault." "It's your fault for being the hater!" Quinton responded "It's your fault for not following what the mass majority says!" "Oh! I'm 'sorry'! If everyone jumped off a cliff, would you!?" "...I'm Deadpool, Mother f**ker!" "F**K YOU!!!" "Let's deal with Kebola and go our separate ways afterwards!" "I agree!" Deadpool threw My brother an assault rifle. He caught in his front legs, and, balancing on his hind legs, the two walked to the attacked Ponyville where Kebola Bacon attacked. The ponies watched as Deadpool and Quinton walked to the bottom of the hill. "Whoever kills Kebola wins the argument." Deadpool simply spoke. "Deal." Quinton replied. They both aimed at Kebola, heading to the menace! Kebola turned around and fired at the town! Unbeknownst to it, Littlepip & Blackjack exited the bouquet they were both in, seeing the carnage going on! "Oh no!" Littlepip exclaimed "That monster's going to destroy the town!" "I know that!" Blackjack responded "If we don't stop him, he'll destroy the bar!" "We've got to stop him!" Littlepip pulled out her Little Macintosh and rushed to the battle! "Right behind ya!" Blackjack pulled out a bottle and chugged it! Feeling refreshed, she pulled her tactical shotgun out, flared her wings, and flew to the carnage! Sweetie Bot and The R-Dash 5000 fired some lasers at a falling piece of debris that would crush them! They saw Kebola wrecking in the distance, firing a pickle that knocked out Rainbow Dash as she flew away! "Oh hell no!" R-Dash 5000 yelled "No Kevin Bacon's gonna hurt my sweet Rainbow Dash! Setting targeting H.U.D. up!" "I agree." Sweetie Bot added "Need to protect Sweetie Belle! Setting missile to attack monster. Scanning target!" They both scanned Kebola. "IT'S EBOLA!?!?!?" They both yelled "New Mission: CRUSK... KILL... DESTORY... SWAG!!!" The R-Dash 5000 repeated, activating it's jets before flying to the damage. "New Mission: Destroy Ebola!!!" Sweetie Bot ran to the carnage, firing a missiles at it, then turning to it's machine guns & death laser. The Aquabats rolled into town in their Battle Tram, seeing Kebola attack! "Commander!" Eaglebones yelled "We got ourselves a new problem here!" "Indeed, Eaglebones," Bat Commander replied "Aquabats: Let's go!" "Activating Battle Tram's weapons." Jimmy spoke, his horn glowing and pressing all the buttons. "If all else fails, we at least have our secret weapon!" Ricky spoke "What!? Eaglebone's imaginary 'Dude'?" Crash mocked. They all turned to him. "...oh! Me!? Why me!?" "Remember space monster M?" They all asked "...Oh no! GETTING EMOTIONAL!!!" "Firing Crash!" Jimmy spoke! More button pressing, and Crash was fired out of their tram's canon, as he transformed into a giant! "AQUABATS!!! LET'S GO!!!" M.C. Bat Commander yelled! They drove into the battle field, doing the heroic things they do! The Cutie Mark Crusaders all hanged around the clubhouse, seeing Kebola firing it's pickles and marshmallows at the ponies below. "What in the Hay is that!?" Applebloom asked "I think it's a giant floating head of... something." Sweetie Belle replied "You think so?" Scootaloo sarcastically asked "Hey! I have no idea what Deadpool is, so that may be normal where he comes from!" "Since when are things normal here?" Applebloom asked "It could be weirder." Sweetie Belle suggested "imagine if If our front hooves were hands and we walked around like Deadpool. "That... would be weird." Scootaloo confessed "Well we gotta stop it!" Applebloom spoke. "But how!?" "Duh! With Deadpool's training!" "Oh!" The two spoke "Plus, our special talents may have to do with something in fighting giant monsters!" "Now that would be an awesome cutie mark!" Scootaloo spoke "I'm not really sure about this." Sweetie Belle spoke, rubbing the back of her head. "We could-" "INCOMING MARSHMALLOW!!!" The filly jumped out of the way, but the marshmallow shot itself into Sweetie's horn! Sweetie tried to take the sweet off her horn, but failed. "MARSHMALLOWS!?!?!? That's it!!! Let's get us a monster!!!" "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS MONSTER HUNTERS!!!" The three cheered, pulling their weapons out! They landed in the wagon of Scootaloo's scooter, and she drove them to the heat of battle!!! Gilgamesh appeared on a building, seeing the craziness. "Well... I'm fine, even as a cameo." He commented to himself. He jumped into the air, attacking Kebola! "GILGAMESH!!! AWAY!!!" Everyone approached to Kebola, who flew in a circle, seeing all things approaching. The bass dropped when the missile shot from Sweetie Bot and the added force of Crash punched Kebola in the face, causing all chaos to break loose!!! Deadpool, Sweetie Bot and Littlepip fired their weapons at Kebola below, while Quinton, the R-Dash 5000 and Blackjack flew around the monster, firing their weapons at it! The CMC used a ramp, flying past Kebola, as Sweetie Belle used her staff, as well as Gilgamesh, who jumped from a roof, slicing at Kebola while screaming his name! The Aquabat's battle tram arrived in the battle and Ricky fired at Kebola while the others got out! M.C. Bat Commander ordered all what to do, as Eaglebones played his electricity shooting guitar and Jimmy's hooves fired more lasers at Kebola! "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?!?!?" Quinton yelled in confusion. "Just some friends of mine!" Deadpool replied, swapping his assault rifle to his dual semiautomatic pistols and fired at Kebola. The giant Crash McLarson got up onto his hooves and ran to Kebola! "Time to end this!" He yelled! The giant Crash delivered an uppercut so devastating, not only did Kebola Bacon rise up a bit, but glowed yellow and EXPLODED!!! Down from the sky, it rained burgers.. "Burgers!?" Deadpool asked "Really!?" "That's what these are called?" Littlepip asked, floating a burger to her face, sniffing it. Blackjack snagged the burger from Littlepip and took a bite out of it. "Hm... not bad," Blackjack commented "could use some booze." "We have some cider at our barn, Ms. Cyborg princess." Applebloom spoke. "APPELBLOOM!?!?!?" Quinton yelled, turning to the filly. He stared at the filly, as she stared right back at him. "Can... I help ya'll?" "...Sorry! I... just... YOU'RESOCUTE!!!" He hugged the little filly making a small squeak noise between the two. "Aw! How cute!" Sweetie Belle spoke in adorableness "Blech! I'd rather fight another giant monster than see this!" Scootaloo commented. "Ah... young love!" Gilgamesh commented I wouldn't say it's love if all that guy does is thinks with his junk. Ha! You said 'junk'! Is there something wrong with that? "GET OUTTA THERE!!!" Deadpool yelled to Gilgamesh. "Well Aquabats," The M.C. Batcommander spoke "Looks like our job here is done!" "Can ya'll let me go now?" Applebloom asked in her annoyed tone. "Oh! Sorry!" Quinton replied, releasing the filly from his grasp. "Is it... alright if I hang out with you?" "As long as ya'll don't hug me like that." "No promises!" "Ya'll are acting like Deadpool... I'll let this pass. Come on, my family will love to see new company!" "Oh sweet!" Blackjack yelled "FREE BEER!!!" "No Blackjack," Littlepip spoke "remember: self control." "Blah blah blah! You're just going for her, aren't you!?" "Me!?" Sweetie Belle asked "Not in front of my ancestor!" Littlepip grinded her teeth together. "SELFIE!!!" Deadpool yelled. "WHA-!?" Before my brother could say anything, Deadpool lifted the Pegasus up and took a Selfie with him, Blinding him for a few hours to come! "Now, with that done, I think I may need to-" "Excuse me." a kind, sounding male spoke. "What?" Deadpool turned around, only to be introduced fact to face with a frying pan! "Oh... damn you karma!!!" He fell to the floor, knocked out. Author's Note I apologize for not following anyone's request. My brother's now living with my mom and he requested the following to happen, though I inserted the 'Hater' bit. He really does have bad taste in things, but I'm glad we agree on some things (Disliking Terminator Genysis, Marvel Fans, beliving DC is trying to be like Marvel, and, of course, MLP) Don't worry, my brother doesn't have Ebola!
Bring out the Napkins. Diamond Dog (???) (Possible) #1: Dr. WolfDeadpool woke up in what was another home, lying on what was a red, comfortable couch. He looked around, seeing shelves with books around, a blue chair that was next to his couch, and pictures hung on the wall, showing off many of Deadpool's victories taken from different angles, most likely a Pegasus' work. Hold on... I beleive... we're in a psychologists office. Aw hell no! We ain't got time for that! We don't plan on anything at all! Plue, we could get some help and I beleive this belongs to- Blah, blah, blah! If we want psycho stuff, we'll play psychonauts! "True that brother!" Deadpool spoke to himself. "Let's-a get outta here!" Deadpool got up and opened the door to the room, only to be meet face to face with a 2nd grade Sentry from Team Fortress 2, aiming right at him! He stopped and stared a little bit, watching it aim at him as he moved around his head a bit. He teleported away, only to be meet with an army of 3rd class sentries outside the walls! Teleported away, more sentries on the rooftop! Teleported, and now, back to the room! Mother f***er! So many sentries! This is one crazy TF2 fan! I hope none of this hit anypony we know! A door opened and in came was a Spike sized, white coated wolf like creature that wore a grey vest, a purple tie, and black shorts. "Oh! Good afternoon Deadpool," the small wolf creature greeted himself, oblivious on all the sentries around their area. "I'm sorry for the frying pan thing earlier; looking over your personality, I knew you would'nt cooperate on what we're doing." "...who the f**k are you!?" Deadpool asked. "Oh dear! My deepest apologies. I am Dr. Wolf; a psychologist here in ponyville. I actually want to have a word with you, Mr. Deadpool." "♫I'm good, I'm good, I'm good! Livin' life just like I should, Wouldn't change it if I could!I'm good, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good!♫" "... Well... I'm sorry to say, but you're going to stay with me for a while until this word is over. Please, have a seat." "Fine!" Deadpool dragged his feet then flopped onto the soft couch. Dr. Wolf himself hopped onto his chair and took a seat. "Now, Deadpool, is it alright if you care to take your mask off?" "What!? ♫OH HELL NO!!!♫ "Please, it's only the two of us here. Plus, I'm certain there's things on your mind you want to let loose." "Let loose!? What? You mean like-" "Not here! Keep your clothes on, just lose the mask." "...Fine! If you want to see an ugly a** tumor, then be my guest!" Deadpool sat right up and slowly took off his mask. In a few moments, his skin felt the air again and he breathed much better, as his mask came right off. "...interesting." "Oh please! This ain't gonna help me win Mr. Universe anywhere except in the Marvel Zombie comics! ... oh s**t! I forgot about headpool!!!" *In Deadpool's apartment Headpool laid on the table, whistling to himself. The doors kicked open, and Punisher entered. "WHERE ARE YOU WADE!?!?!?" He yelled, looking everywhere. Punisher found Headpool and fired at the little guy! "...ow." Headpool replied "What a waste of a cameo in my part!" *Back in Ponyville* "... Eh, probably nothing." Deadpool, spoke to himself, going into a relaxed position. "Now," Dr. Wolf continued "care to tell me about your past?" "... ♫Now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down. And I'd like to take a minute, Just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town that's somewhere!♫" "Without the singing, please?" "...Fine! But if we're going to do this: MRAQUINO!!! Show what happened back then while using that Italic button for us! Color me Red and Wolf's Gray!" "Who... are you talking to?" "The D****ebag that made you come here in the first place!" Somewhere, in Canada during the late 80's and early 90's I was a pretty happy child... or at least... that's what I'm suppose to say to those insurance people. Never knew why until later. And how did that all go? A little something like this. A young Wade Wilson hid in his closet, curled up in a corner in a ball. He was ordinary looking, having blonde hair and blue eyes, something that'd make Adolf Hitler happy! He hid in the closet, silently whimpering to himself, which he gasped at, hearing a door inside slam open! "WHERE'S THAT LITTLE B*****D!?!?!?" A masculine voice yelled "Honey!" A feminine voice yelled "STOP!!! You're drunk!!!" "I'M NOT DRUNK!!! I'M BUZZED!!! Where's WADE!?!?!?" "He's away from here!!!" "LIAR!!!" "NO!!! DON'T!!! AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!" Wade heard what was violence going on for a few seconds, followed by silence. He slowly pushed himself to the corner, going into a fetus like position, seeing and hearing what was the footsteps of his father heading to his area, breathing hard. "Come out Wade! We're gonna have a little fun! You like fun, don't you?" Wade silently whimpered to himself, as a small feather from a pillow came down and tickled his nose. He sneezed, and his father stopped "oh crap." Wade spoke to himself. Now if it weren't for that feather, I'd probably made it out without a serious a** whooping! And what did you do that made your father angry? I told a police officer as school on all the things my dad did! I see... now tell me, what about your life after being a child? I F***ED up in High School REALLY BAD!!! Father kicked me out because 'I'm too irresponsible to take care of now'. Really, he needed his beer, but I guess that helped started my career as an assassin! Hell! I was happy to be away from my family! I had a girlfriend Jenny was her name! I see... but it didn't last long, did it? *A deep breath* Yeah... it went well that day... until I going to the Doc and finding out what happened. Some time in the 2000's Wade entered his apartment room, seeing Jenny finishing up some exercising things. She turned and rushed to Wade, hugging him! "There's my favorite assassin of all time!" Jenny spoke, rubbing her head in Wade's chest. "'sup Jenny." Wade replied, caressing her hair while hugging her as well. "Did you get the money?" Wade pulled out a large wad of cash "All $200 thousand!" "Oh honey! You're the best!!!" "Yeah... I was." "Wha- what do you mean?" Wade walked to their bed and sat on it. Jenny walked and sat next to him, giving him a back massage. "Care to tell me what's wrong, Wade? Are you feeling a bit down?" "No Jenny, I wish it was that. It's... rather serious." "Well please, tell me! We're together in this!" "That's the problem; you'll be lonely now." Jenny turned Wade's head around. "What is it?" "...I have cancer." Jenny stopped and the stared at each other. "So... you're going-" "Yeah... I am." More silence "Jenny... please... I... don't you to see me go." "What do you mean!? I'm staying with you until you pass!!!" "I don't want you to see someone close pass away!" "But I-" Wade pulled out Jenny's purse from underneath the bed and placed the wad of cash in it. "Go!" "Go?" "GO!!! Get outta here!!! If I'm gonna die, I might as well do it alone!!!" "But... don't you-" Wade pulled a pistol on her "I DON'T WANT S**T!!! NOW GET OUT!!! NOW!!!" Jenny got up and ran away. "YOU'RE AN A**!!!" Wade lied on his bed. "...Well Death... I'm waiting." If I had known Lady Death was there, I may have teased her with my horse c**k! I... didn't want to hear that. But that'll be later! Back to my past!!! 1 Month Later: The door to Wade's apartment was knocked, and he walked around to the door in a really weak, defeated way. He opened the door, and two men in suits were there. "Mr. Wilson?" One of the men spoke "Came here to arrest me?" Wilson asked "Too bad; by the time I drop the soap, I'm going to be dead!" "We're not here to arrest you, Wade." Another spoke "We're actually here to help you." "...Help me? With what?" "We believe we have a cure to your cancer, but we need a real subject to see if it works." "If you die," the other added "then you should be glad you didn't go to jail and died in an honorable way." "What if I survive?" Wade asked "You'll find out later." "The choice is yours." The other man spoke "Join us now to hopefully become the first few people to be cured from cancer." "Or stay here and die." Wade looked at the two, turned to his apartment, then back to the two with a smirk. "Well... I'll apologize to Jenny when it's over." Wade spoke with a bunch of confidence in his voice. So you followed them? EEYUP!!! And they f**ked me over to a part of Weapon X!!! They stuffed many needles in area where one should not have them in, and, though I now heal rapidly, I still have cancer, and I didn't know I was invincible then. And you escaped how? Well... it's kinda a blur, but I know I wasn't alone at all. Details, please. And don't worry, I don't mind any extra details. If you say so! It was at least 2 years after my capture & experimentations, and, for the first time, I embraced my insanity! Weapon X division research center. 2 years later: Two armed guards walked to Wade's prison cell, each holding batons. The left one banged on Wade's cell door. "Hey Wade!" He yelled "Get up! It's your time now to be with Dr. Killbrew!" Silence fell among them. "GET UP!!!" The other yelled, banging harder on the door. Silence. The first guard opened the door open, turning on his flashlight and entered the room. The second one stood in the doorway, taking out his baton for self defense. The first walked to Deadpool's bed and lifted the covers, seeing nothing whatsoever! "What's going on!?" "HE'S GONE!!!" Call for backup: We have an escaped experiment!" Silence fell. "Are you listening, I said-" Wade grabed him and snapped his neck, killing him. "What a twist!" Wade yelled to himself. Unlike his younger self, but not like himself now, his skin showed some deformity, especially around the face, but he looked somewhat normal. He picked up the baton and ran outside the door with it, a couple of other experimented mutates seeing Wade pass and begging him to rescue them. We should probably save them. Deadpool ran into the bathroom and landed into a stall, hiding from a couple of guards running to the cells where he escaped. "WHO SAID THAT!?!?!?" Wade yelled I am your conscious. Or... at least what you think a conscious sounds like. In other words, I'm sorta your Super Ego. If You're the Super Ego, then I'm the Super SUPER EGO!!! "Who the f**k are you!?" That is your Id, or, as a recognizable way, your devil. I'm not evil! Listen though, we can escape this facility with a huge explosion that Michael Bay would jerk off to! See what I mean? Wade peeked out of the restroom, seeing guards patrolling the area. "I think we're going to need help on this one." Fine... but the explosions!? "Maybe." Deadpool entered an open air duct, crawling his way through the area, heading to where the experimentations were held at. A lone guard had his back at the door, chatting on the radio to be on the look out for Wade. Wade kicked the guard in the balls, causing him to fall and keel over. Wilson took his gun away, followed by a headshot to the guard, making sure he wouldn't contact anyone else. He entered the room, seeing 4 mutates on their beds, covered in patches and looking seriously injured. These guys won't do! Get the muscle bound guys! Hey! We need everyone to survive this! But how are we going to do that? "Hm... Music?" I... doubt that'll- HIT IT!!! (Begin at 22 seconds) You studied old music? Nah! When you go insane, you learn a lot of things and know things without studying them! Anyways, as I was saying- "Wade Wilson!" One of the 4 spoke "How... did you do that?" "The power of music!" Wade replied, jumping down to their level "That, and I need all the help I can get to escape from this hell hole!" "Tell us what we have to do, and we'll do it!" Another spoke "Excellent!" To make things shorter, I had those 4 cause a distraction while I released everyone, Cabin in the woods style! And what were you doing during this? Ah... freedom! As soon as everything was destroyed, all those b*****ds killed, Freedom! I still remember it! Deadpool and the mutates exited the facility, feeling the, though cold, still warm air of the outside world. "You... did it!" One of the mutates spoke "We did it!" Wade corrected "Wade Wilson," another Mutate spoke "for surviving against all odds and leading us out of trouble, you deserve the name of names!" "And that is?" "You... are the Deadpool!!!" "I'm... Deadpool?" "Deadpool Everyone!" A chanting followed, slowly rising from low to high, as all the mutates began to cheer 'Deadpool' over and over! We now have a fanbase!!! More like a cult. After that thing, I had one person to visit, hopefully, as a way to get her back. And how did that go? ...What do you think? New York City: Wade, in a trench-coat and fedora, approached an apartment building's room and knocked on it's door. "Ugh... who's there!?" A familiar woman voice asked "You know who it is." Wade replied in the voice of Bill Clinton. "... Hold on just a sec." The door unlocked and Jenny opened the door, wearing a towel to cover her breasts and taco. She gasped at Wade's sight. "W-Wade!?" "That's right baby!" "What... happened to you!?" "I got cured... but I also have cancer. How you doing? Boobs still squeak?" "Wha-!? No! Look, I'm sorry... but-" "Who's there?" A voice came in. A small, hairy man with a hairstyle that looked like horns appeared in the room, holding a bottle of beer in his hand. "Jenny! Who the hell is this bub?" "Oh! This is Wade! My old boyfriend. You know, the one with cancer?" "Yeah... I remember." "Wha-!?" Wade yelled "Who... who the hell is this!?" "Wade," Jenny spoke "This is Logan... my husband." Hold on... I meet Woverine before!?!?!?" You're telling me this. How do you not remember? He knocked me out with his bottle, causing me to bleed hard. They thought I was dead, so I followed it, doing my own sad Hulk walk, killing the character singer that song in the process with a jack in the box! And who would that be?" Click on the link and you'll see. Link? But- BACK TO MY PAST!!! I went back to the destroyed facility, more scarred than ever. If I was lucky, I could find some people to talk to, even if they were a**holes. A Canadian military base: Deadpool banged on the floor, crying deeply to himself! Next to him was a gun, smoking as it fired some bullets, and Wade, who's head was healing quickly. "MOTHER F***ER!!!" He yelled to himself "F**K YOU WORLD!!! LET ME DIE ALONE!!! We can't die at all! We can use this to our advantage! As a Halloween prop, maybe. "SHUT UP!!! BOTH OF YOU!!!" "There he is!!!" A voice on a radio spoke. "Fire!!!" Another yelled. Deadpool looked up and saw a bunch of soldiers running to him. "KILL ME!!!" he yelled "KILL ME!!!" The soldiers fired at Wade, only to look at him in fear, as he healed rapidly! "DON'T STOP!!! KILL ME!!! KILL ME LIKE I'M SADDAM HUSSEIN!!!" He fell to the floor, as a headshot was made on him, but felt himself healing already. "CHOP ME HEAD OFF!!! CHOP IT OFF!!!" One of the soldiers knocked him out with the butt of his rifle. Wade awoke in a dark area, where a single light hung over him. Uh oh! THE ILLUMINATI!!! SHUT UP!!! "Welcome, Wade Winston." A voice spoke, followed by the silhouette of a figure "The name's Stryker. I heard what you did to one of my research areas." "Oh yeah!" Wade replied, remembering what happened "Killbrew and Ajacks becoming beef stew and applejacks!" "Yes... those two. While you lead all the mutates to victory, it's your skills that intrigue me." "Which skills!? Combat or bed?" "Combat. Listen, you're not the only one with super healing. Come out all of you." Around Wade, were the 4 other members of the team: Lady Deathstrike: Omega Red: Sabertooth: And Hugh Jackman! "These are your new friends, Wade." Stryker continued "Choose to stay, and we'll be one happy family. Choose to go, then just wait for your death." Wade looked around him, seeing the four. "Please," Wade spoke "call me... Deadpool." Wade Wilson died that day, and Deadpool was born! And what happened after that? Short man got his claws and ran away. Rest is explained in my clips from "Hulk vs. Wolverine". A terrible day to know about other heroes in the world. At least Weapon X was destroyed! And what happened after that? I made a name for myself! I did whatever the f**k I want now! I see... well, I'm glad to see your origin is done. THANK F**KING LORD!!! but what about- Me as a brony? I forgot about that, actually. I guess I could thank Death Battle for that. That... makes sense. But what did you do before landing here? Before all of... this? That? Well... I apologize if I cry for this. Moments before Deadpool was brought into Equestria: Deadpool walked into a local hospital in Candada, stopping the desktop in front of him. A woman was sitting on her seat, looking through her i-Phone and playing some App game that is now overrated. "Excuse me?" Deadpool spoke "Who are you looking for?" The woman asked, not even looking away from her phone. "I'm looking for a Mr. Wilson." "... uh huh. And who are you?" "His son: Wade Wilson!" "... we get those." Silence fell, as she continued playing her game. Deadpool pulled a cup of water out and splashed it at the woman! She jumped and dropped her phone, causing it to explode like it was a bomb! "WHAT THE HELL!? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU-!" She stopped and gasped, seeing Deadpool in front of her. "Were is Mr.Wilson?" He asked, placing his head on his head, making a condescending Wonka face. "W-which one!?" "Any. I'll find 'im!" "B-back there! In the W section!" "Thanks! And FYI: put down your god damn phone when someone's talking to you!!!" Deadpool marched to the W section, passing doctors and patients screaming at him! The woman clicked on a button below her desk and waited. After a few moments of looking, Deadpool found the one person he search for: his father! He entered the room. His father looked at him, but didn't show fear at all. "Deadpool," he spoke weakly "I knew some b***ard wanted me dead. Who was it? The bar owner? My wife? My excuse of a son? Tell me and I promise you that I can pay more." "No one sent me, Mr. Wilson." Deadpool replied, taking a chair and sitting next to his father. "Ah... came to kill the weakest person here then?" "No... I came to say goodbye." "...Goodbye? Who are you?" Deadpool took off his mask, showing his ugly mug to his father. "Your 'excuse of a son'." "...Wade!?" "That's right! Your son is the feared Merc with the Mouth! The Regenerating Degenerate. The Ninja Spider-Man!!! All of those are me!" "Why... didn't you tell me?" "MOTHER F**KER!!! I've been texting you all this time!!! You never checked!!!" "I'm too weak... you stupid a**hole." "No! You're the stupid a**hole!!!" "Sure... blaming the one that made you strong." "You never made me strong! You made me feel inferior, small, weak, stupid, and all other synonyms!!! You made my life a living hell!!!" "Your life is a living hell? Ha! Back in my day-" "Don't give me one of those 'back in my day' bulls**t explainings about how tough life was! Look at the math kids do now! Look at the bills now! Look at me!!! You don't know the hell I've been through!!!" "...maybe you're right. ... So you came here to wish me goodbye?" "I came here to wish you to go to hell!" "...close enough... ungrateful b*****d." "Hey! You're only happy with those booze you got!" "And I'll die happy!" "You'll die worthless!!!" "At least I'm above your worthlessness." "SHUT THE F**K UP!!!" Deadpool pulled a gun and placed it on his father's head! "Yeah... go ahead... shoot me... we know you don't have it." Deadpool stared at his father, tears falling from his eyes. "I... will not!" "Because you're a coward." "BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!!! ALL I WANTED IN LIFE IT TO BE LOVED BY PEOPLE!!! You, Jenny, the Weapon X a**holes!!! I thought they loved me!!! Why can't I just go to Equestria and experience love for the first time!?!?!?" "...Equestria? You watch that gay girl show?" "... YES!!! I watch it, and it ain't gay!!! They'll accept anyone through time!!! I just want someone, some people, who'll love me for who I am and now what I offer!!! You should know that, 'DAD'!!!" "...And you'll die alone with that attitude." Deadpool stared at his father, hearing the beeps going slower. "...Do you love me at all?" "...Did. I did... wilson." A flat line. His father died. Marching was heard, as policemen entered the building. "FREEZE!!!" one of them yelled. Deadpool stood near his father, seeing his corpse. "GET AWAY FROM HIM!!!" Another yelled "He died." Deadpool replied "Now leave me alone." He turned around and started to walk to them, putting on his mask. "STAY!!!" "We'll do this another day. I just wanna go home. " "STAY"!!! Deadpool continued walking to them "OPEN FIRE!!!" Another yelled. All the policemen fired at Deadpool, who only shook as each bullet pierced his skin. Tjheir clips were out, and they stopped, seeing Deadpool stand, rapidly healing himself. "...I said," Deadpool spoke "Leave Me ALONE!!!" Deadpool pulled his guns out and fired at the policemen, killing them on sight! Screaming could be heard, as patients and doctors ran for their lives. "You wanna play rough!? Alright!!! WE'LL PLAY ROUGH!!!" Deadpool walked to the hallway, seeing more policemen entering! Deadpool pulled out a bazooka! "SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!!!" He pulled the trigger, firing a missile at the police. A huge force pushed Deadpool back, as a hole was left in the wall and blood everywhere from the explosion! A whole squadron of vehicles surrounded the hospital. This is an awesome final stand!!! Not now!!! "SHUT UP!!! BOTH OF YOU!!!" Deadpool ran up the stairs, kicking the door to the roof, seeing as far as he can see, Vehicles everywhere. The helicarrier floated above Deadpool, as he could see the silhouette of Nick Fury looking down on him. "It's all over Deadpool!" Nick Fury yelled into the radio "Surrender yourself now!" "I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE!!!" Deadpool yelled. He pulled our a machine gun and fired everywhere! Normally, he would love this to happen, as he would time himself to see how long he can survive, but this was different. A green portal opened right above him and it sucked him right in! WHAT'S HAPPENING!?!?!? Either we're being saved by a Deus Ex Machina, or we're being taken somewhere else!!! "I DON'T GIVE A F**K!!!" Deadpool yelled, dropping all his weapons behind. And, just lie that, he was gone. Present: "And that's how I came here." Deadpool spoke, tearing up a bit. "It escalated very quickly. "I see." Dr. Wolf replied "Anything else you want to add?" "Well... my time here... it's been great." "Great? How so?" "Well... friends everywhere... new adventures... favorite show... and... just being able to be me with no judgement. Or... at least... a lack of judgement." "Interesting... well... you can all come out." "Come out!?" The walls feel over, and they were both on a TV set! The audience was everypony (and thing) he took a selfie with so far, each tearing up to Deadpool's story! "And that's why we never wanted to tell you about his story!!!" Rarity whined!!! "...Oh crap. You're next, MrAquino." And, again, just like that, everyone released the epic cry! Author's Note I suck at making people cry, okay! I had to watch these clips to at least get a concept! Dr. Wolf's channel Now, as some news, I- wait a minute! DEADPOOL!?!?!? What are you- AAAHHH!!!
I'm in charge of this chapter now! Pony #100: MrAquino/Kane Aquino/ Strongheart the Alicorn!The author of this fanfic landed in the world of Equestria, right where I live in. The loser before you has chganged into his O.C.: a light brown Alicorn with white, big mac looking hooves, black mane & tail, black, nerd square shaped glasses, and his cuite mark is a cliche'd valentine heart that looks like it's made from iron. I fany of you are wondering, in case you didn't read this chapter's title, his name is Kane, or, for his O.C., Strongeheart. And yes, I'll soon get to that buffalo soon! Jeez! Anyways, our Alicorn wakes up as soon as the door to my house opens, with the Mane 6 walking in. Let's watch these get together! "Deadpool!" Twilight yelled "Deadpool!!! Where are you!?" "Why does he disappear on us like that!?" Rainbow Dash yelled "I think we know why, but where did he go?" Applejack asked "He took over MrAquino's area and sent the creator of this fanfic right in front of us." Pinkie answered. The five turned to Pinkie with a look of confusion. "MrAquino?" Rarity asked "He made it, not me!" "Oh dear!" Fluttershy yelled "Look!!!" The 6 ran ahead, following Fluttershy, stopping as they found a crater inside my crib, where your author lied in. "Another Alicorn!?" Twilight asked "I think so." Rarity inquired "And this isn't like that brute 'Blackjack' from what he looks like." "A MALE ALICORN!?!?!?" Both Applejack and Rainbow Dash yelled, adjusting their manes to look good. "Be careful Everypony!" Pinkie yelled, taking the lead "this Could one of those alicorns that claim to be related to Celestia, Luna, or us!" "...Seriously?" Applejack asked. Pinkie leaped in and lifted MrAquino's head up! "ALRIGHT MISTER!!! TALK!!!" "...Pinkie pie?" He asked. They all gasped "AHA!!! CLAIMING TO BE MY SON NOW!?!?!?" "...What? Am I... in Equestria? "PINKIE!!!" Twilight yelled, using her magic to lift the pink pony off "I am so sorry for that! My name's Twilight Sparkle. What's yours?" Kane stopped and stared at her face. He began to sweat hard, his wings went up with a 'POOMF!', and, in his eyes, all he could see was him and Twilight reenacting a scene from [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSh0V7jmoFw]Pucca. "Mm... oh Twilight." He spoke in a dreamly voice "You... know me? Oh wait! Of course! With me being a princess and all, somepony must've heard all of my friends and our adventure." "I think Deadpool now has them." Rainbow Dash commented. Kane's eyes shrunk, as he snapped himself out of the love phase. "DEADPOOL!?!?!?" He yelled "THAT BASTARD!!!" Again, they all gasped "NO STARS!!!" Pinkie yelled "You know Deadpool!?" Dashie asked "Yes, Rainbow Dash. He must be getting revenge on me for the previous chapter where everyone cried at his back-story." "Excuse me," Rarity intruded "Did you say, 'previous chapter'?" Kane froze, his pupils shrunk and he did his best scrunch face. "Uh... well... you see... it's... kinda hard to say, Rarity." "How in tarnation do you even know our names!?" Applejack yelled, walking to sweating Alicorn. Kane backed up until his butt landed on the wall. "Well, Applejack... there's... um... a little thing that, uh, will be crazy, but-" "He's the creator of this story in which Deadpool now's taken over of because he made all of us cry in the last chapter and he's the reason why many crazy character and things are happening right now." Pinkie answered at the speed of light. Everypony turned to Pinkie, then turned to Kane. "...Pinkie's right." Rainbow Dash tackled him to the floor! "ALRIGHT MISTER!!!" She yelled "Begin talking!!! How, in the name of Celestia, did you bring Deadpool and those others into our land!?" "Look, Dashie-" "DON'T CALL ME THAT!!!" "...Ok, Rainbow Dash, it's a little process I did some time ago, but it went like this; I was new to a webstie called 'FimFiction.Net', an area where stories are placed for everyone to see and be judged. Most of these stories are loosely based on Equestria, given one of three ratings: Everyone, Teen, and Mature; Many of these are ranged into different genres: Romance, Sad, Comedy, Tragedy, Dark, Adventure, Slice of Life, Human, Antrho, alternate universe, random, and crossover. Each of these stories, with their rating and genre can range from a simple use of reading a book to finding a key that will stop a plague that will risk everypony to go extinct." "Really?" Fluttershy asked "Is there anything I did in these stories?" "There's many out there. An example is, when you went into Starlight Glimmer's home, Starlight demanded you to giver her a belly rub." "That's... strange." "It is, but it explains why Starlight didn't see you when you escaped through the chimney, as Party Favor was outside, asking you if you had to rub her belly as well." "But what about Deadpool?" Twilight asked "What does this have to do with Deadpool?" "I'll get to that. This whole thing is a Comedy-Crossover story." "Like... this?" Rarity asked "Yes. Look at all of the stuff Deadpool's done in your land! Everything Deadpool did wasn't just him, but me." "YOU!?!?!?" They all yelled. "You brought Deadpool into our world!?" Twilight asked "I did." the other Alicorn replied "But... why?" "To make long things short, it was-" "TWILIGHT!!!" Spike the Dragon yelled, running to them. He came in and took deep breaths. "Have... to... tell you..." He burped out a letter. Twilight levitated the letter and read it in her head, but gasped "CANTERLOT'S BEING INVADED!!!" She yelled "By who!?" "A group called... 'The Masters of Evil'." Kane's eyes widened and his pupils shrunk. "We have to stop them!" Kane yelled "TO CANTERLOT!!!" He ran ashed at speeds that made Pinkie wonder where he went! "Follow that stallion!" Rainbow Dash yelled. The Mane 6 began to chase the Stallion, as he ran to Canterlot, then flared his wings and began to fly! Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Twilight flew after him, while the rest used the train to get over there. Using her strength, Twilight flew next to Kane, who was too focused to reach Canterlot. "Who are the Masters of Evil?" She asked "They're a group of supervillains," he replied "the worst of the worst from where Deadpool comes from. They work together to seek one common goal: complete world domination! Why is Deadpool doing this? This was suppose to be the FINAL CHAPTER!!!" "Final Chapter!?" "Yes! The end where Deadpool would save Equestria from them, using his Deus Ex Machina button to summon every other Hero to battle against them. But since he's in my spot, that won't happen!" "What will happen, then!?" "I have no clue." The rest of the flight was silent, as they arrived into a war torn Canterlot, seeing a blast of green light coming from the castle! The non-fliers were on the floor, ruishing to the castle, as an army of Robots, human soldiers, and some of the canterlot soldiers chased after them. "Let's see here," Kane spoke to himself "Doom bots, Ultron units, Sentinels, Hydra soldiers, The Chitauri, Elves, and brainwashed soldiers." "What are we up against?" the princess asked "Some of the most powerful villains." He released a powerful flap of his wings and flew inside, breaking a window, landing inside the throne room! The other three landed right behind him, and the doors were slammed open, as the rest cam inside! Kane gasped "My God! Just as I suspected!" Five iconic villains stood in front of the ponies: The Red Skull Ultron Magneto: Female Loki: And, the leader of them all, Doctor Doom!!! The villains, along with some of their own guards, surrounded the three princess and prince, all tied up to each other back to back. "Oh look," Loki pointed "more of these so called ponies." "I'll handle this." Red Skull spoke, taking his pistol out and aimed it at the ponies. "Wait!" Ultron yelled "My sensors indicate that these ponies are... different." "Agreed," Magneto added "those two look like these three. Deal with the others, Red Skull." "Negative! The others are swarming with a higher energy field around them unlike the others, something that will unlock something greater." "Keep them alive!" Doctor Doom ordered, walking to the ponies. "These horses will do just fine when they become Latveria's slaves." "Hey!" Twilight yelled "We're not horses and we're not slaves!" "Yeah!" Rainbow Dash yelled "Just wait until Deadpool gets to you all!!!" "Deadpool!?" Doom yelled, looking everywhere in fear. The others looked around in fear, unsure if the Merc with the Mouth will come and attack them all. Ultron presses some buttons on his arm, where a large laser scanned everywhere. "There are no signs of Deadpool anywhere." The robot spoke. "Classic mind tricks." Magneto commented "...Playing us as fools!?" Loki yelled, marching to your author and the Mane 6. "Do you have any idea who we are!?" "...Who are you?" Pinkie asked, tilting her head. I'm doing this as a funny joke on him and those villains! Hopefully, they won't be too angry when I get back to my world. Doctor Doom Red Skull Magneto Ultron Loki All. And I suck at lyrics!!! Loki's left eye twitched, but she smiled and chuckled a bit. "You wish to know who we are?" She asked "We'll tell you!" She snapped and some music began to play behind them. All the villains together released various 'Do's to make a rhythm. "Uptown Funk and the Avengers theme song?" Kane asked "...I'm going to get you for this, Deadpool." ♫This horse, We're ice cold, we're villains with white gold!♫ ♫This one, for them heroes, the zeroes, what can they do?♫ ♫Smart masterpieces stylin', while in Livin’ it up in the city!♫ ♫Got guts on with Xavier, my old best friend, I’m much smarter!♫ ♫We're too hot! ♫(Evil!) ♫Called up S.H.I.E.L.D. and with a Cyclops. We're too hot!♫ (Evil!) ♫Make an Ant-Man retire through death, man, We’re too hot!♫ (Evil!) ♫Don't Say our names, you know who I are We're too hot!♫ (Evil!) ♫Am I bad 'bout that power? Break it down: Xavior sent you hallelujah♫ (whuoo) ♫Hitler sent me you hallelujah♫ (whuoo) ♫Odin sent me you hallelujah♫ (whuoo) ♫‘Cause Master Funk gon’ give it to you!♫ ♫'Cause Master Funk gon’ give it to you!♫ ♫‘Cause Master Funk gon’ give it to you!♫ ♫It's Saturday night and Equestria's ours!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ (come on) The Mane 6 and Kane sat in a circle together, as the villains danced around them each showing off their powers with their soldiers surrounding them, arming themselves for combat, but also dancing to the beat as well! ♫Don’t believe us just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch! Hey, hey, hey, oh!♫ ♫Stop! ... Wait a minute.♫ ♫Fill my goblet, put some ale in it!♫ ♫Kneel down, beg for life!♫ ♫Ultron! Get the stretch!♫ ♫We're Taking Asgard, New York, Atlantis, Everywhere!♫ ♫If we show up, we gon’ take out, including the Guardian's Knowhere.♫ ♫We're too hot! ♫(Evil!) ♫Called up S.H.I.E.L.D. and with a Cyclops. We're too hot!♫ (Evil!) ♫Make an Ant-Man retire through death, man, We’re too hot!♫ (Evil!) ♫Don't Say our names, you know who I are We're too hot!♫ (Evil!) ♫Am I bad 'bout that power? Break it down: Xavior sent you hallelujah♫ (whuoo) ♫Hitler sent me you hallelujah♫ (whuoo) ♫Odin sent me you hallelujah♫ (whuoo) ♫‘Cause Master Funk gon’ give it to you!♫ ♫'Cause Master Funk gon’ give it to you!♫ ♫‘Cause Master Funk gon’ give it to you!♫ ♫It's Saturday night and Equestria's ours!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ (come on) ♫Don’t believe us just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch! Hey, hey, hey, oh!♫ ... Before you plead, allow us tell you all something: ♫Masters Funk you up, Uptown Funk you up. Masters Funk you up, Masters Funk you up. I said Masters Funk you up, Masters Funk you up. Masters Funk you up, Masters Funk you up!♫ Come on, prance! Scream on it, If you're foolish then taunt us. If you're frightened then show it. Don’t try to hide it, come show us! Come on, prance! Scream on it, If you're foolish then taunt us. ♫It's Saturday night and Equestria's ours!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ (come on) ♫Don’t believe us just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch!♫ ♫Don’t believe us, just watch! Hey, hey, hey, oh!♫ All of their soldiers joined During this, Celestia used her magic to teleport herself next to the ponies and, in another flash, disappeared. ♫Masters Funk you up, Masters Funk you up! Masters Funk you up, Masters Funk you up! Masters Funk you up, Masters Funk you up! Masters Funk you up, Masters Funk you up! Masters Funk you up,Masters Funk you up ! Masters Funk you up,Masters Funk you up! Masters Funk you up, Masters Funk you up! Masters Funk you up!♫ They stopped and saw that their prisoners were gone! "Shit!" Red Skull yelled "Loki!" Doctor Doom yelled. They all turned to Loki, who had a blank look on her face, then awkwardly smiled "It was fun, right?" She asked "No worries," Ultron spoke "I figured something like this would happen." "What did you do?" Magneto asked "The brown one is not of their world. He may walk and fly like them, but his DNA says otherwise. I got a good scan of him and I am now locating his location right now." "And where is that?" Doom asked, crossing his arms. "...Follow me." His back opened up with some rockets coming out, and the robot flew away! Doom and Magneto followed, while both Red Skull and Loki took a lone Chitauri carrier. Tree of Harmony. The ponies all appeared right in front of the tree of harmony. "Are you alright, Twilight?" Celestia asked "I am, princess." Twilight replied "That was entertaining!" Pinkie spoke, tossing a bucket of popcorn away "Thank you, Celestia." Kane replied "Who are you?" Celestia asked "Uh... well... you see... I'm-" "He's the reason why Deadpool's here and all the craziness is happening." Pinkie blurted. Celestia eyes wide3ned, and she looked back at the stallion Alicorn. "Is this true!?" "...Yes." he replied "All of it!?" He nodded "Including... our dialogue?" Another nod. She stared at him with a look of anger that says 'Now you fucked up!' But instead of hearing Kane monologue about why he made this, enjoy some things my friends and I made that I WISH we got some MOTHER FUCKING CASH OFF OF!!! Oh! I think we skipped to much. If you're wondering, the doucebags caught the other doucebags with my homies, as they are on the moon. Doctor Doom himself has the elements of Harmony with him, and Magneto placed all of them together in a girder that acted as rope on them. "You really call these 'the elements of harmony'?" He asked "...They do, not me." Kane replied, somewhere in between calm and completely flipping out. "These aren't suppose to be used for 'Harmony' stuff around here! These are actually infinity stones!!!" "Infinity stones!?" the mares asked in unison. "It's a bunch of stones that only the most strong willed people can control, which has devastating effects if used unprofessionally." Kane replied. Everyone stared at him with a curious look. "See what I mean." Ultron stated "We'll get out of here!!!" Twilight yelled "And when we do, we'll-" ...Sorry! Couldn't resist! Anyways, Loki brought in- WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!? "FLASH SENTRY!?!?!?" Everypony yelled "Yes!" Loki replied "This pony is the reason your city was invaded!!!" "But... why!?" Twilight asked, tears coming down from her face. Flash Sentry walked to her and placed his hoof under her chin. "Oh Twilight," he spoke "if only there was someone who loved you." "YOU BASTARD!!!" Kane yelled "You will all thank me when everypony is under a single flag." "Our flag!" Doctor Doom added. "...Not entirely." Ultron spoke. He fired a blast at Magneto, knocking out the leader of mutants himself! Then, as an added bonus, he threw Red Skull into the darkness of space, as he floated, screaming! "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?!?!?" "You wish to have peace. Peace can only come through extinction. With these ponies, they'll be saved by their foolish actions." "I'M THE LEADER HERE!!!" "Not anymore. Loki?" "On it, Sweetie!" Loki spoke, opening a portal behind Doom! Ultron fired a blast at Doom, sending him through the portal! Ultron picked up the elements. "And now... you... Flash." "Me!?" The doucebag horse asked "You'll be the ultimate weapon. The thing needed to make everyone extinct!" "But... I can't-" He was cut off as Ultron fired the Elements of Harmony on Flash! In a few moments, Flash started to become one with the moon and- Oh... hold a minute! MrAquino!? Is this your lost Sanic Fan Fic!?!?!? Ah! Before you answer that, let's just skip to the good part where a Giant Flash Sentry-Moon is heading towards Equestia and both Kane & Twilight (in her anime mane) go super saiyan! Enjoy the walk-through as MrAquino is Emo Hedgehog and Twi is Sanic. So... yeah. Kane falls back to Equestria, but since I don't want to right any more chapters for him, PORTAL!!! And... there he is! Oh, he's such an ugly fat guy! Oh no... he's awake! I'll be going back now. OI!!! Blue Skidoo, we can too!!! Author's Note GET OUTTA MY HOUSE!!! GO ON!! GIT!!! ... Sorry about that. Crazy experince. Well... at least I have some news for you all: I'm most likely going to Phoenix Comic Con!!! All 4 days, you have a chance to meet me in person!!! What do I look like? Well, go to the 26:45 mark here!!! I am not going to have a booth (no cash for it), and I will be going around with my father and, possibly, cousin! Please, don't be a stranger, and if you want to, I'll take a selfie with you! Also, if you want to, It's alright if you wish to leave me gifts (Ex: Ideas for who Deadpool should meet next, drawings of my beautiful O.C. beating up Flash Sentry/Brad, the decapitated head of Tirek, anything Marvel &/or MLP related, ECT.) I will not be accepting anything dirty (so no naked human/anthro MLP characters as an example), as my father and cousin will be there If you wish, I'll gladly accept your challenges to videogames. I may be alright in fighting games, but healthy stuff, I'll fail instantly, so you twigs can have your fun. Deadpool cosplayers... talk to me as if YOU were the real Deadpool as in this fanfic. I really want to freak out my dad and cousin on what's going on! Who should Deadpool meet next? Or, at least, give me ideas on how to get revenge on him.
Attack on Deadpool Seabreeze and the Breezies. Brreezy #1-IDGAFDeadpool took my spot in space and- wait a minute... GET DOWN THERE!!! Sorry about that. Anyways, Deadpool fell to Equestria in a ball of fire, screaming until he feel to the hard floor of the earth with a loud SPLAT!!! Being Deadpool, he quickly healed as soon as he landed on the floor. "HA!!!" He laughed "Your revenge scheme SUCKED!!!" Oh yeah... Need I remind you that you landed in Poison Joke? "Poison joke!?" He looked down and saw that he was standing in the blue flowers. "...oh s**t." He fell to the floor, unconscious as he had one of his weird dreams that, luckily, Luna didn't go in and see. He slowly regained consciousness, hearing a bunch of voices around him and seeing what looked liked an afternoon sun setting in the distance, he was in a town, and the trees were more... ring looking. "Is he awake?" a voice asked "Looks like it." "Why is he wearing that costume?" "Is he single!?" Deadpool groaned and finally got right up. He gasped as well as the creatures around him: they looked like ponies, but they were MUCH skinnier than regular ponies, didn't have cutie marks, two antennas stuck out of their heads, and all had translucent, butterfly looking wings. GAH!!! BUGS!!! Not just Bugs! BREEZIES!!! "Breezies!?" Deadpool asked "FINALLY!!! Way to listen to the people, MrAquino!" I was busy with work, ok? And you shouldn't be laughing at me when you look ridiculous yourself. "What the f**k do you-" Deadpool stopped and looked at himself: He still had his suit and hands, but his legs now looked like that of a pony, he had two antennas sticking out of his head now, he had his old, Phoenix Wright looking blonde hair back, the breezy wings, and, over his butt crack, was a tail matching his hair color. "...what was that!?" A breezie asked "Rock-a-Doodle!!!" Deadpool replied, leaving you the link... wait... WHAT!? Nevermind, the breezies spoke to themselves as Bre-pool (Breezie-Deadpool's new name) stood around, waiting for at least one to respond with laughter. Unfortunately, you're an idiot, Wade; no T.V. here, remember? I have to agree with him. You did run into that one. "Shut up!" Bre-Pool shouted to himself. The Breezies turned to him and stared at him. The crowd then parted, as a lone Breezie stood in front of Bre-Pool. Despite having eyelashes like a woman, this Breezie was a male thanks to the shape of it's eyes, had a blue head & hooves, covered by a black leotard looking suit with white ruffles around his neck & legs, white-grey antennas sticking out of his really girly, pink poofy mane. This was- "VEGETA!!!" Bre-pool interrupted, wearing saiyan armor straight from Dragon Ball Z "What does the scouter say about his power lever!?" "It's over 9000!!!" Seabreeze yelled, also in saiyan armor out of nowhere, going into a remix that starts 15 Seconds in. During the feverish remix, Deadpool danced along, doing the splits while flipping forwards & backwards, doing a lot of break dancing moves. When it ended, all the breezies stood with questioned looks on their faces, as Seabreeze started to remove the small armor off of him! "Oh come on!" Deadpool yelled, picking up the armor bits "Dragon Ball fans go crazy for this s**t! More if we did Kamehamehas!" "Enough of this!" Seabreeze yelled in his high pitch Irish or Scottish accent (Sorry, I can't tell the two!) "Apparently." "What do you mean by 'apparently'?" "Nothing. Just talking to the loser of an author of an even worse fanfic." HEY!!! I have a lot of likes! "Yeah, and when you get many dislikes, POOF!!! Deleted!!!" ... Let's make this interesting then. Screaming was heard, as a lone Breezy came from around the corner, flying as fast as it could! "RUN!!!" it yelled "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!" "Run from what!?" Seabreeze yelled. Large booms were heard, as the ground shook! From around the corner, came a couple of giant changelings! "Changelings!?" Deadpool yelled "Why did you bring 'em here!?" "We didn't bring any here!" "Not you! The author!" "Author!?" "There they are!!!" one of the changelings now booming voice spoke, getting into a crouching position. "And it looks like it's snack time!" "...oh s**t." Bre-pool spoke. "RUN!!!" The Breezies began to run away as fast as they could, as the giant changelings began to run towards their prey. Breezies ran into their homes with friends & loved ones, sealing the doors & windows from inside, as one or two changeling gnawed onto the roof of their house to get the defenseless insect ponies inside. Both Deadpool and Seabreeze ran side to side, as a lone changeling chased after them! "How did they get in here!?" Seabreeze yelled "The portal only opens to breezies and for only once a year!!!" "That's because the author is an a**hole!" "Slow down, tasties!!!" The giant changeling yelled. Deadpool looked behind, seeing the giant making it's way towards them. "Get to your wife and kid! I'll lure it away!!!" "How do you know I have a child!?" Seabreeze asked "JUST DO IT!!!" Seabreeze gave him a questionable look, but nodded and ran to his right. Deadpool turned around to the giant changeling. "Oi! Do you even know who the f**k I am!? I'M DEADPOOL!!!" "Deadpool!?" the giant asked, not even slowing down "Oh you'll be delicious then!!!" Is the author really adding Vore to this? It has to be somewhere in many adventures. "Oh please! This ain't our first rodeo! We've been through this MULTIPLE TIMES before! NSFW!!!" He tripped and saw the hoof of the giant changeling closing in on him! He tried his best to scamper away, but the changeling pressed him down, crushing him a bit. "Now," the giant spoke, levitating Deadpool to it's drooling maw "for my sibling you killed!!!" "Can't we just talk this over?" The changeling opened it's mouth and tossed Bre-pool inside, closing it's mouth and began to play with Bre-pool inside. Bre-pool was tossed around the mouth of the changeling, being drenched in saliva, and the whole place vibrated with the changeling moaning in a heavenly way. The place tilted, and Bre-pool went down a slimey tunnel that tightly massaged him as he fell, until going into a larger area that was dark and filled with liquid inside. Looks like we're in it's stomach. EW!!! It's hot, it's squishy, and everything's wet! And more breezies will come down here soon. "Hold on a sec." Deadpool spoke. "What's that smell?" He took a whiff. "It... it smells like... soap?" Could the changelings be so desperate to eat anything, they ate soap!? Seems legit. Let's look for it! "Already there!" He navigated the stomach of the changeling he was in, touching the walls & making the changeling outside giggle as Bre-pool unintentionally tickled it. A few moments later, Bre-pool bumped into a solid bottle. Now what!? Roll the clip! Starts in the 30 second area. Aslo, thanks to the juices inside the Changeling mixed with soap to cure Poison joke, Deadpool goes back to nornal size, but is still a Breezie-Human mix. Geez! I think we really went a little nuts there. We've been nuts! "God D****t!" Deadpool yelled, looking at his butt "We're still a Human-Breezie mix!" We can go back to being a person once all the Breezies are saved. ooh! Time to Hero up!!! "NO!!! F**K THAT!!! Let's do this and get outta here!" Seabreeze stood with his family, all backed up to, hopefully, get away from the changeling that stood right up to them, licking it's lips. The father stood up to the Changeling, willing to sacrifice his own life for his own wife & child. "Wait!" His wife yelled "You can't! Think about our child!" "I am!" Seabreeze yelled back "Run and find a new home! I'll die knowing I gave you a chance to raise our son!" "Don't throw your life away!!!" "We throw our lives away to sustain our home! I might as well do it now! Go!!! GET OUTTA HERE!!!" He turned to the changeling that would sound awesome, but came off as unintentionally funny. "GET REKT!!!" Deadpool's voice yelled 2:06-3:10 Seabreeze watched in fear and awe as Deadpool, the giant Breezie-human-furry was killing a changeling right in front of his eyes. Deadpool turned around and walked to Seabreeze, who only stood, frozen with fear. He knelt down to both of his knees, and, carefully, poked Seabreeze on his muzzle. "Boop!" Deadpool simply said, as Seabreeze's face scrunched on impact from Deadpool's colossal finger. Seabreeze's wife, still holding onto her child, ran to her husband's size, but gasped at seeing their savior. "I-is that-" the wife stammered in her words. "Hola! Name's Deadpool! I told your husband to go and find you two while I got eaten by one of those changeling a**holes." "But... how are you alive?" "The plot demands it and I wish I could die." "Well... thank you." "Don't thank me yet! I still got some murdering to do! MURDER TIME FUN TIME!!!" He teleported away, leaving only some dust & red smoke behind. Seabreeze fainted, falling to the floor with a thud, passing out from what he just saw. "Oh dear! Let's get back inside the house." Deadpool saw a bunch of changeling gathered around a taller than average building, as many began to bang their heads on it. "Well," He spoke to himself "let's get it on!" 0:45-1:02, 1:51-2:28, 3:20-4:04 Ignore all the dialogue spoken by the people and play this instead as the rampage goes on: Edits for each scene: -I'm back, B****ES!!! -FALCON... PUNCH!!! POWAH!!! Oh! You want some too!? YOINK!!! OH YEAH!!! YO UGLY!!! FOOTBALL KICK!!! KICK THE BABY!!! *Missing scene for some reason* Ew!!! He's giving us head!!! You wish! He's biting our d**k off!!! -LEEROY JENKINS!!! Ow! F**k that arm!!! F**k that arm too! NOM!!! Ew!!! He tastes like bug!!! What do you expect? Oh! To our right! Now... right behind us! Bleh. MY BUTT ITCHES!!! The changelings ran away, not even getting a single breezy into their hungry bellies. The Breezies, including seabreeze himself, walked to the giant human-breezy that saved their lives. "Uh... little help?" Deadpool asked "Just get my arms and I'll do the rest." Without any words, the breezies dragged Deadpools arms back to where they should be. Deadpool rolled himself over, as his muscles laid contact with each other & reconnected, until he eventually got back to normal... that is... if having wings, antennas, a tail, and pony shaped lower legs are fine. That feels much better! Can we scratch our a** now!? Perhaps later. "I just want to get rid of this stuff now." Deadpool spoke to himself, standing up. That's when he realized one thing: he was nearly the size of Godzilla to these little guys, and he may not be able to exit the same way as the changelings did. "Give me a sec!" He carefully strolled around town, then saw what he needed: Poison joke! He fell face first into the plant, a puff of smoke with a horrible fart sound effect, and Deadpool shrunk &turned, not into a furry form of a breezy, but a full on Breezy! The other Breezies followed him and gasped at what happened. "What happened to you!?" one of the Breezies asked "Clearly, I didn't pop out of the back of my giant self's neck, that's for sure!" "How can we repay you!?" Another asked. As if on cue, Bre-pool's phone (which didn't shrink), fell in front of them! They all gasped, but Bre-pool walked around it, then smiled. "I have one." After an annoying gathering of having every single Breezy stand together and making everyone present, Deadpool stood next Seabreeze, who also stood next to his wife. "I' sorry for not saying it, but thank you for saving our lives." Seabreeze spoke "Ain't nopony messing my homies!" Deadpool replied "Homies?" "It's slang for friends." "Friends... we're... friends?" "Hell yeah! Hopefully, I can see you pass by with some of that pollen the next time we cross paths." "And I hope we meet each other without anything trying to kill us." "Agreed! Everyone, say Beoir!" "BEOIR!!!" Every Breezy spoke together. A picture was taken as, not a selfie, but a large group photo was taken! "Say, need help with that?" Seabreeze asked. Deadpool looked at his giant phone. "I'm sure I can handle it." He replied. Author's Note Sorry for not making more chapters. I was busy with another project I wanted to do really badly. And if you are wondering, Yes! I do have voraphilia, but I'm not a fan of AoT's. (Very bloody, I actually prefer soft where the person's still alive and/or you don't see the digestion process) . If you're wondering about "Nom" (one of my favorites), it's not that it has Vore in it, but Anon reminds me a lot of Dan from Dan Vs, and I find Dan hilarious! Please, no vore gifts. Don't need to get more questionable looks from my father & cousin as I do with MLP already.
A break from craziness: Pony #101 & 102: Lotus and Aloe Blossom A break from craziness: Pony #101 & 102: Lotus and Aloe Blossom "Why the f**k did I not accept help!?" Bre-pool yelled to himself, struggling to hold his phone in his hands See what happens when our pride get in the way? Yeah! We become men! Stop whining and carry that phone!!! "Easy for you to say! If only I could multiply myself somehow." Hell no! I'm fine with him as another voice, but I don't want to be with him in the flesh! Same thing here! "Fine! I'll carry this stupid phone! Yo! Update the people what's happening ever since that 'Attack on Titan' reference chapter." Don't tell me how to do my job. Anyways, Bre-pool had a steady flow of wind coming right behind him, blowing him to where he believe was Ponyville. Tee hee! He said blow! You blow. Yeah. The wind, if you're wondering, was caused by the escaping changelings, and Bre-pool, still holding onto his phone, floated into the town of Ponyville. Without her noticing, Rainbow Dash flew past Bre-pool, making him float wildly. "DAMN YOU BREEZY WINGS!!!" He floated right into a the sauna, where the Mane 6 all rested together, getting hooficures. "I wonder where Deadpool's been," Fluttershy spoke while in the tub "he's been gone for a really long time." "There's no need to worry for him." Rainbow Dash spoke, shooing one of the twins away from her hooves "We've seen what he's capable of, and I'm fine not having another Pinkie Pie around here." "Them's fighting words!" Pinkie growled for a second, then went into a near depressed look. "It's been a while since he summoned the Taco squad for help. I do wonder if he's alright." "At least his house is maintained." Rarity quipped "That is... if you count a Diamond Dog stampede as maintenance." "I'm more concerned on where that other Alicorn feller went." Applejack spoke "It seems like she does had looks for you, princess." "ME!?!?!?" Twilight yelled, blushing a bit "Uh... no! He... just knows how to be nice to me... protected me from those other humans... teamed up with me... and-" Deadpool's phone landed on her head, confusing the Alicorn princess for a second. "Is that Deadpool's phone!?" Rainbow Dash asked in complete surprise "Whoah nelly!" Applejack said, bracing herself for what Deadpool was going to do. Fluttershy looked ahead, as a small, red Breezie with a blonde mane & tail landed on her muzzle. "Oh my!" Fluttershy exclaimed "A breezie! What are you doing here, little one?" Without saying anything, the Breezie jumped off Fluttershy's muzzle like an Olympic diver, barely making a splash. In a few seconds, Deadpool appeared, splashing everypony around him, as his mask & head were untouched by the waters. "What I was doing," Deadpool spoke, unphased "is to tell you that the Alicorn Twilight was having feelings for is overweight, works as a cart pusher, and was lying about everything to you all." YOU B*****D!!! "Where were you!?" Rainbow Dash yelled in anger, shaking the water off her coat. "♫I was runnin' through the 6 with my woes! You know how that should go! You know how that should go!♫" "... I won't question that." Rarity spoke. Deadpool relaxed more into the pool. "Ah... that feels good." "Did the pool just get colder?" Fluttershy asked. The door opened, followed by a gasp. "Deadpool!?" A woman's voice asked. "Sister! You need to see this!" Deadpool looked up and saw what was a pink earth pony with a blue mane, wearing what looked like a white bandanna on it's head & a white collar. Another pony, this one looking awfully familiar wearing the same stuff to the other, but was blue with a pink mane. She gasped at Deadpool as well. "Aloe!" The blue one spoke "Is that really Deadpool!?" "It is, Lotus," The pink one replied "The human that's saved our town multiple times!" "Eeyup!" Deadpool replied in his best Big Mac voice "And he does impersonations!" Lotus squeeled. "Come Deadpool," Aloe spoke "you'll get the best spa treatment of your life! Free of charge!" "SWEET!!!" Deadpool yelled, getting out of the tub and quickly drying himself off. "Your best man is going to be Fabulized!" Deadpool followed the sisters inside their spa. "Please." Aloe spoke "Remove your clothes." Lotus added "Ooh! We're going there!?" Deadpool asked, failing at trying to be sly about it. "We are!" "... Well... there's a first for everything!" Deadpool began to remove all his clothing, but, to keep this a Teen rating story, I slipped Deadpool 50 bucks to keep his underwear on. "Damn straight! And I'm keeping the mask on so you two won't be scared of my face." "Understandable," Aloe spoke "please, lie down on this." This is gonna be some kinky s**t!!! We still have our underwear on, so there won't be anything kinky. "We don't know that!" Deadpool spoke to himself. "Thanks for the 50 bucks, sucker!!!" He tried to take off his underwear, but the twins returned, both with buckets & brushes in their mouths. "Please," Lotus spoke "don't move while we add this." "I won't baby!" The sisters began to pour the strange contents inside the bucket all over Deadpool's body (minus the head and groin area). Deadpool felt the soothing liquid on him, remembering the most famous & often parodied sexy song from Gunther Levi. When his song ended, he finally realized what was happening! What the-!? We can't move!!! Oh god! I think this is what it is! What!? WHAT IS IT!? ... it's- "A BRAZILIAN!!!" Deadpool yelled in fear. To understand how painful this is, watch this at the 20 second mark. We're not even that hairy! Agreed, but the PAIN!!! Both sister ripped off the remained of Deadpool's chest hair, causing the merc to wheeze in pain. "That's all!" Aloe spoke with a smile. "Does that feel good, Mr. Deadpool?" Lotus asked, also with a smile. "...No." Deadpool wheezed. "Don't worry! We just had to get rid of the most painful procedure first." "Your real spa session will begin!" Aloe added. "...Oh good." Deadpool spoke with hope. "This should go well." And it did! He went through everything one should expect to be in a spa: steam sitting rooms, mud baths, facial stuff (don't ask, he kept the mask on and they followed), Hooficures (or in Deadpool's case, it's both a manicure & pedicure), and he headed to where he'd have a massage. "Is everything going well?" Aloe asked "Everything's FANTASTIC!!!" Deadpool replied, feeling really relaxed. "Need any type of massage before we're finished?" Lotus asked "Just the best one that everyone goes for." Oh my! You may want to reconsider that. "We'll give you the best massage ever!" Aloe announced "And I'm sure he will enjoy giving it!" Lotus added. Deadpool froze. "'He'!?" Deadpool asked. The wall crashed right behind him. Deadpool turned to see Bulk Biceps standing there! "LET'S DO THIS!!!" He yelled "NO!!!" Bulk grabbed Deadpool's head with his pecs and dragged the merc away for the ultimate massage of his life! Let's just say, minus any of the sword users, the characters of Mortal Kombat would be proud. Deadpool crawled out of the massage room, dragging himself until he saw the feet of a certain baby dragon. He looked up, only to see Spike looking down at him "Took the extra strength hot stone deep tissue massage?" He asked "Yep." Deadpool replied "Bulk Biceps?" "Yep." "Got carried away?" "Oh yeah!" "Feeling better?" "...Not really." "You will the next day." Aloe and Lotus came from right behind and picked Deadpool up, placing him on the chair. "Thank you so much for being with us today!" Aloe spoke "We hope to see you again soon!" Lotus added "YEAH!!!" Bulk Biceps yelled, appearing right behind the two. Everyone turned to Bulk Biceps, who just stood there, flaxing his muscles. "...Yeah... perhaps." Deadpool spoke, pulling out his phone. "But I think we should remember this, just in case." "That sounds great!" Aloe exclaimed "Perfect way to end this day!" Lotus added. The two got together, as both Aloe & Louts were on Deadpool's side, and Bulk Biceps photo bombing the picture as he flexed in the background. Author's Note What's a spa like? Eh, who cares!? Who should Deadpool meet next?
Discord's What!? Pony #103: Muse of DiscordDeadpool was fast asleep in his bad, back at his mansion sized indoor home. He was fast asleep until he heard loud and, might he say, creepy music playing outside. Curiously, he opened the window near his bed and looked outside: there was a stage set up with lights & fog covering the stage, and the silhouette of what was a pegasus stallion with Rainbow Dash shaped hair & tail, standing alone with a pair of headphones. Is it Halloween already!? You mean Nightmare Night? No. It's far from it. Jeez that's creepy as hell! And I think those other ponies will agree as well. Deadpool looked down, seeing the townsfolk exiting their houses and surrounding the stage, many of the colts & fillies shivering with fear! "♫Laughing silently, thinking violently. Chaos rattles my brain.♫" The stallion sang. "Now that's creepy as hell!" Deadpool commented. "♫Breath anxiety, live defiantly. Dying brought so much pain. Discord oversees, taking over me. Long ago I lost the fight. Goodbye harmony, hello agony. Goodbye wrong and right. See my accolades slowly fade away, Blood is boiling, souls is spoiling. Nothing wrong with me, art of cruelty. Nothing wrong with me. Stay away from me.♫" "Hell no!" Deadpool teleported next to the stallion, wearing what was clearly a Batman-Deadpool crossover costume Now you're just p***ing off the audience. We look so awesome! We look like an idiot. "Haters gonna hate!" Deadpool yelled. "Continue!" The stallion gave him a confused look and continued, keeping his weird, sexy but creepy voice. "♫Always on patrol, fear of lost control. Won't lose my mind overnight. But normal life is droll, think I might enroll in a destiny less bright. The faster that I sink, the more it makes me think I'm living life all wrong. Always liked the dark, time that I embark to a place where I belong. See my accolades slowly fade away, Blood is boiling, soul is spoiling. Nothing wrong with me, art of cruelty. Nothing wrong with me. Stay away from me.♫" The lights showed the pegasus' true self: it was a white pegasus with a brown mane & tail with matching Big Mac looking hooves, Princess Cadence looking wings that transitioned to light blue at the tip, having yellow in the middle, and a reverse ♪ as his cutie mark. How original. Ooh! He forgot the Flutter-bat ears "♫See my accolades slowly fade away, Blood is boiling, souls is spoiling. Nothing wrong with me, art of cruelty. Nothing wrong with me.♫" "Something clearly is!" Deadpool commented. The pegasus gave Deadpool an angered look "♫Nothing wrong with me.♫ "You sure about that? Please, I have problems too!" "♫Nothing wrong with me.♫" "Fine! I'll sing with you!" "♫See my accolades slowly fade away, Blood is boiling, souls is spoiling.♫" They both sang together "♫Nothing wrong with me, art of cruelty. Nothing wrong with me.♫" "♫Finally I see.♫" The pegasus sang on his own "♫Nothing wrong with me, nothing wrong with me, nothing wrong with me. Nothing wrong with me, nothing wrong with me. Muse of Discord sees, finally I'm free!♫" Muse? It's a word. Well no s**t Sherlock! Ugh! It's a noun which is used for inspiration. So? "FINALLY!!!" Discord yelled, appearing and holding the pegasus in the sky "A fan who makes music instead of chasing me all day!" "SENPAI!!!" ILoveKimPossibleALot yelled "NO!!!" She went from a sad look to a serious scrunch face and stared at the other pegasus. Deadpool's alarm for a midnight snack went off. "Oops!" Deadpool spoke "My bad! Who are you, by the way?" "What!?" The stallion asked "I'm the Muse of Discord!" "No you're not!" a woman's voice yelled "I am!!!" In a puff of smoke, Screwball appeared "He's my senapi!!!" Kim yelled, flying & landing onstage. "Well he's my daddy!!!" "He's my muse." M.O.D. added. They all growled at each other, but were distracted by a key. "How about this," Discord spoke, dangling the key from his tail "whoever holds the key until sunrise will let me be whoever they want me to be." "...just hold this key?" Kim asked "Until the morning-" M.O.D. added "and from each other?" Screwball added. The three stared at the key. Deadpool pulled a pistol out and fired it into the air! M.O.D. took the key and ran away! "Get back here!!!" Kim yelled, chasing him "For my father!" Screwball yelled, chasing after them. A protal opened up, and they all entered, now wearing pirate outfits with a sord of their own. M.O.D. as Jack Sparrow, Kimpossible as second guy, and Screwball as lover boy. "Oh wait... THE KEY!!!" M.O.D. yelled, running after the wheel! Both Screwball and Kim clashed their swords together, as another portal opened up, sucking them all in! M.O.D. fell into the wheel again, but all three crashed into what was a giant wall, leaving the wooden wheel in pieces & splinters. The key was a foot from each of them. Deadpool walked up and picked up the key. "TIME'S UP!!!" Discord yelled "At last!" Deadpool yelled, as a flash of lightning came down and zapped him, making him wear a He-man outfit. Pointing his sword at them, all that came out of his sword wasn't lasers or lightning, but some streamers. "...This just got weird." Kim commented "So... We're worthless?" M.O.D. asked "Does that mean I'm now adopted!?!?!" Screwball yelled in fear. "NO!" Deadpool yelled "I give all thee title of... whatever you are to Discord." "WHAT!?" Discord yelled. Deadpool kicked the rubble off of the ponies. "Go and do what you love to do with Discord." "DADDY!!!" Screwball yelled "SEPNAI!!!" Kim yelled. "SELFIE!!!" Deadpool yelled, picking up M.O.D. and taking a picture with him. Do you know what I just recognized. What? Where is his Sister and mother? ... what? This: Author's Note While you're waiting for the next chapter, please, enjoy some of my other fics: Dragonfire Mares in Black Too long title And the Alicorn Origins (though it's cancelled)
After the Fact: Only Hippogriff, SilverquillDeadpool stood on the back of an angered looking Luna, who flew through the sky, heading back to the Canterlot castle! "Go my trusty steed!" Deadpool yelled "Make haste for the cake gobbler!!!" Luna grumbled to herself in anger. Hey! Stuffy! Ugh... what is it? I have a question. Is it about if we should do something sexual on Luna? ... As much as I would like to say that, but no, this is actually more of a social question. ... A social question!? Are you crazy, or did something kill him? I'm pretty sure I'm still crazy, but my question is this: Why do we enjoy crossovers? That's... a pretty good question. I'm sorry, but I can't explain that on my own. "But I know someone who can help us!" Deadpool spoke. "See ya Mooncheeks!" Deadpool jumped off Luna's back and disappeared in a puff of red smoke. "Oh thank goodness!!!" Luna exclaimed. At Fluttershy's house, the particular pegasus was having tea with what looked liked a griffin, but had the hind of a pony. The top of his head all the way to his chest was covered in white feathers, followed by a light brown color on the coat & wings, having talons on his front legs, but his back was a pony's plot area, where it was a lighter shade of brown, had yellow, work horse looking hooves, and a white tail. "Oh my," Fluttershy spoke "I've never meet a griffin as nice as you." "Please," he replied "I am no griffin, but a Hippogriff." "Hippogriff?" "Easy as this: you're right about my front being that of a griffin's, but on my... back area, I am a pony with a cutie mark, like you!" "How fascinating! Why aren't there more like you?" He paused and stared awkwardly. "Um... you see... uh-" Deadpool appeared in a puff of smoke, piledriving Justin Beiber onto their table and destroying it! "RKO!!!" Deadpool yelled We're doing that joke again? "DEADPOOL!?" Fluttershy yelled in a state of panic "What are you doing here!?" "This!" Deadpool ran to Fluttershy & picked her up in a warm hug, gently squeezing her and scratching behind her ears. The pegasus mare quickly calmed down and began to doze off. Being Careful as possible, she was placed into her bed. She's so cute when she's asleep! Deadpool returned to the Hippogriff, who only stared with one of his eyes twitching. "Silverquill?" Deadpool asked. The Hippogriff shook his head. "That's me." He replied "Care to an episode about Crossovers?" "Well... I would... but-" Deadpool pulled out his shotgun "But!?" "...LET'S GET TO IT!!!" *Insert an image of Deadpool riding on Silverquill's back as Silver navigates through a battlefield of lasers as Deadpool fires at the Death Battle competitors* "Okay," Silverquill began "If any you don't know what a Crossover is, it's usually about two or more characters, usually different heroes meeting each other for the first time. Usually, each side comes from any location, whether it would be a different time in history, a different country, or, in many cases, from different worlds or universes, usually different franchises. Of course, that's used in today's time, whereas olden crossovers are used in old Greek legends." "Hold on a second," Deadpool spoke "So are you telling me that there was a story of something like Hercules and Perseus rowing a boat together?" "Well... not like that. Most of these crossovers were usually short, containing a sentence or a small conversation between the two, sometimes, it's just referencing someone." "So... it's more like being a cameo or a reference rather than a true crossover?" "Exactly! Though they weren't famous nor used a lot until comic books!" "True that!" "Of course, these are usually shared universes from the same comic company. You're really suitable to the famous Marvel Superheroes & villains, right?" "Hell ya! I still keep in good contact with my best friend, Spider-Man!" "See, that's what's special about this. Comic books usually do this as a means to expand their world, make it more alive and feel connected rather than each hero doing their own thing, which would still be exciting, but not as full of life. The real problem, something that I may enjoy, is the continuity: to understand why these heroes are like this with each other, you need to read past issues until they first meet, and even then, you may need to read past issues as to what lead them to meet each other.This is really time consuming, usually expensive, and, can actually not be fun... at least until they release a comic collection in which that saga is in order. But fret not people, Comics aren't the only thing noticable for crossovers, but many others." "Yeah! Just check out the Video game crossovers with ME in Marvel Vs. Capcom 3!" "How... did you do that!?" "'Cause I'm Deadpool!" "Well... okay... but that's just one thing. Videogames are really excusable for their crossovers, since we have a lot of fun and, since we're not really in it for the plot but for the gameplay, this excuses the weak stories. "Unless you're Angry Joe or Mortal Kombat Vs. DC Universe!" "Oh please... don't remind me of that." "No promises! And while we're on the subject, we can't forget how T.V. does crossovers as well!!!" "Hey... where's the Simpsons-Futurama crossover?" "Ugh... I don't to sound like Paleosteno, but he's right." "Well... wanna show off some movie crossovers?" "...Nah." "Why not?" "With some exceptions as Who Framed Roger Rabbit and The Avengers, most crossover films have been notjhing but the 'Vs' titled movies." "And... is that a bad thing?" "Let's see here... Alien vs Predator, King Kong vs Godzilla, Freddy vs Jason, and now, Batman vs Superman... yeah... they all suck!!!" "And why do they suck?" "They all have one thing: a third party!" "Third party?" "Usually a group that we as the audience are FORCED to watch instead of, oh, I don't know, the thing we ACTUALLY paid to see!!! Seriously, this is almost as bad as MrAquino's own 'Humanizing Effect' in movies." "Humanizing Effect?" "The thing that isn't nor doesn't look like a human will not get the screen time, but become more or less secondary characters to their own movie. Case in point: Godzilla, Michael Bay's Teenage Mutant Ninja tortoises, and the Transmorphers." "...OH! That makes a lot of sense!" "And as for the Avengers... you're lucky I'm not in the mood of killing you, and yourself are an awesome guy, but... I think we should end this chapter." "Chapter? What do you-" Deadpool grabbed Silverquill and took a selfie with him! "Oh... just a selfie? Weird. Well, I'm Silverquill, and I like to say-" "MICHAEL BAY-SPLOSION!!!" Author's Note Silverquill's channel! If you're reading this Silver, go on, YOU ARE AWESOME AND HILARIOUS!!! (Apologies for the explosion, though) Anyways, some news for you all: Phoenix Comic Con.. If you are going over there, please, feel free to meet me in person! Feel free to give me any gift (just as long as it isn't NSFW) or request me for anything from a photo op, a challenge in any videogame, or just to ask me any question regarding "Deadpool in Equestria" or any other of my works, please, feel free to do so. My father won't be going, but I'll be with my cousin (except Sunday) and, exclusively to Saturday & Sunday, I'll be with my Best Friend Matt Cooner, A.K.A., MadGamer1228. If you don't know what I look like, 26:45. I'll have a goatee and shaven head during the event. Who should Deadpool meet next!? While that's happening, HIT IT!!!
Not-so-epic rapping: (Probably only Zebra) Zecora. Not-so-epic rapping: (Probably only Zebra) Zecora. Deadpool fell from the sky in a ball of fire, screaming in a high pitch voice as the song This Girl is on fire is playing in super fast motion, going normal when this in slow motion. He was fired right into the Everfree forest, where a particular zebra returned to her home, only to hear the fast music playing and man screaming like a woman. She turned around, only to see a ball of fire heading right towards her. She quickly ran into her literal tree house and slammed the door behind her, hearing the ball of fire land right beside her house. After a few moments, she exited her home, only to see a large skid mark to something near her home. She followed the skid mark, only to see Deadpool standing, patting himself from the fire. "What do we have here?" She asked "Is that Deadpool in the clear?" Deadpool turned around with an annoyed look. "No." He replied "I'm Super-Man! I'm here to make your lives less hopeful, have countless civilians killed, visualize your worst fears of urban terrorism, and overcome my first villain by murdering him with my bare hands!" An awkward silence and stare was made. "The last one, everyone saw, but the rest is below your law." "Yeah... I know. I'm a much better example than Man of Steel! Wait... who are you?" "Zecora is my name, and rhyming is my game." "..." Did she really reference Sonic? I'm actually surprised that we didn't meet her when we first came here. "I see you are surprised," she spoke "but you are filled with a lot of pride. I can tell that you have done a lot of crime, but yet, you still enjoy to rhyme." "Of course I rhyme! Drop it!" Unfortunately, Deadpool sucks at trying to freestyle. Zecora stared at him awkwardly, hearing the very crude and... gay rapping. "Your rapping is weak, perhaps you may practice for the next week." "Please! Give me a chance!" The Rap chances you had were gay as f**k. HA! GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! "You both helped out with those as well!" Deadpool yelled to his mind. Zecora stared at him "If learning from me is what you want to find," She replied, turning to enter her house "please, enter and relieve the voices that is your mind." "Good! It's time that I don't need them to gang up on me." We 'gang up' on you to prove how wrong you are. He does. I just like to break you.... like a kit-kat bar! Deadpool groaned to himself and entered Zecora's hut, which brought in the memories of both Black Panther & Storm... and how Deadpool attacked their kingdom to take some vibranium to test if it would be the best... um... never mind. "What the f**k is wrong with you!" At least they don't have television nor allowed foreigners to enter with recording devices. Why is that? Their way of life and... well... think any white person. Think Paula Deen. What do you- OH! You mean like what every white person says? Yup. We'd be called 'Racist'. We're not racist! We kill everyone equally! We're White, we fight like an Asian, we eat like a Mexican, and We have a good time like Ni- "Why are you so silent?" Zecora interrupted, balancing a tray with cups of tea on her head "Is your mind really on a riot?" I'm so glad she interrupted. "Um... not really." Deadpool replied, taking a seat on her table "Please, do not lie, or else, you'll cry." Deadpool mocked a famous Rage Face. Zecora stared into his eyes "Do not test your luck, or else, you will get fu-" "So how about that tea!? I am so curious about it! I've never had Equestria tea before, and I've never had your tea before! Twilight told me how she loved having your tea." She didn't. "Hm... what is say is really true, and I'd like to get to know you." She took her seat in front of Deadpool and gave him his cup of tea. Good old Wade pulled the bottom of his mask and sipped his tea, getting a taste of multiple flavors, all of which, were- "B****IN'!!!" "...Is that a compliment? If not, I'm not sure what that meant." "Oh it is! Perhaps I should have some more tea with the cake gobbler next time I'm in Canterlot. In the canterlot castle. Celestia licked her lips as she was about to eat a slice of cake. She froze as her ears twitched in the sky. "For some weird reason," She spoke to herself "I'm going to throw Deadpool into Tartarus for something." Back at Zecora's hut. The two were drunk as f**k and... WHAT THE!?!?!? How did you both get drunk this fast!?!?!? I have yet to understand this. Just go with the flow! Hey! Both of you! Knock it off! ... Fine. A knock was heard on the door, followed by the door opening. "Howdy Zecora!" Applebloom spoke, entering the house with a basket of apples on her head "Ah got those apples you needed for yer next... potion." Applebloom stared in silence as he saw both Deadpool and Zecora dressed up as characters from Harry Potter. "Potions!?" Deadpool asked "Yo! Drop the beat!" The two danced to the beat below, followed by the small filly, who was dressed up as the boy who lived. Author's Note Wow... I was not thinking with this one... THANKS COMIC CON!!!
Let's rock this joint! Let's rock this joint! Deadpool came out of his house, coughing and spitting out smoke after his lone time with Tree Hugger. Hree Hugger came out with her eyes still halfway closed, totally blissed the f**k out. "It was so fun being with you, Deadpool." She said "We should hang out sometime." "... it's 11 o'clock." Deadpool replied, all f**ked up. "Don't worry, you'll get used to it after a while." She walked away, leaving a Deadpool on the floor with a serious case of the munchies. Shall we do it? We shall do it. CLEAR!!! An electric shock was sent around Deadpool's body, making Deadpool twitch on the floor. He rested on the floor for a moment, then reopned his eyes. "What the f**k happened?" You were having some nice herbs with Tree Hugger. For the last few days! MrAquino's been busy without you! "He's WHAT!?!?!?" Unless you want to stay alive, you can't kill him. "Mother f**ker! Alright, what do we need to do?" Derpy landed near Deadpool with a letter. "Letter from the Princess for you, Deadpool!" She announced. Deadpool took the letter away and opened it. "Oh... sweet... baby faust. TICKETS TO THE GRAND GALLOPING GALA!!!" "Did somepony say something about a ticket!?" a collection of voices asked. His Taco squad appeared, each smiling wildly! "Oh yeah! And I already know how we're going to enter there!" That Night Celestia and Twilight stood near the entrance to their castle, watching Ponies enter. "Are you sure you want Deadpool here?" Twilight asked "Of Course I do, Twilight." Celestia replied "After all, if Discord could make things greater, I want to see what Deadpool will bring in with him!" Everyone froze as Deadpool, followed by his Taco squad, enter with Psy's Gentleman playing. Celestia became excited and Joined Deadpool in his dancing & his shenanigans! Celestia caught her breath as Deadpool laid on her back. "That," Celestia said with a breath "was fun!" "I never saw you as the fun type, Sun butt." Deadpool replied. "On events like these is where I can truly express myself." "Ah! Always with the bureaucratic crap and not with me?" "More or less, yeah." Another portal opened above the ballroom! "Oh boy! What other ponies are we getting this time! I hope it's Molestia!" Really? Hey! We got Blue balls here! The portal spewed out four humans, all recognizable by their silhouettes. Deadpool's eye twitched. "You know them?" Celestia asked "I worked with them before." "Deadpool!" An all too familiar grunt yelled for him "Where the hell are you!" "Aw s**t! It's my weapon X homies: Wolverine, Sabertooth, Lady Deathstrike, and Omega Red!" "There he is!" Sabertooth yelled "GET HIM!!!" "Run!" Deadpool slapped Celestia's plot and she ran! The Weapon X crew followed Deadpool & the princess "Princess!!!" Twilight yelled, following the group! "Sister!" Luna yelled, following Twilight. "Let's get them!" Rainbow Dash yelled! The Mane 6, some of the guards (including the waifu thief), Deadpool's taco squad, and pretty much nearly all of the character in this story ran and chased the group in a large group chase with Yakety Sax playing. The result were many things happening, from not just misplaced characters chasing the chased, but other things including: Celestia & Luna riding Deadpool, Discord in a boat with the Taco squad reenacting the crossing the Delaware painting, Octavia & Vinyl wearing the helmets of Daft Punk while on the backs of the R-Dash 5000 & Sweetie Bot, the Cutie Mark Crusaders battling Gilgamesh, Dan running with lit up TNT & chasing The Weapon X people, The T.A.R.D.I.S. randomly going through with Derpy & the Doctor chasing it, Shaggy and Scooby Doo appearing out of nowhere, and- HEY!!! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!! Alright... well... The Weapon X members were knocked out by... something. "Yeah!" Deadpool "Suck it!" "Suck what?" Twilight asked "DEEZ NUTS!!!" HA! GOT EEM!!! ...Seriously? "What... happened?" Omega red asked "You failed at getting your own movie!" Deadpool 'answered'. "...Deadpool?" Lady Deathstrike asked "Are we... in a land of horses?" "Ponies." Luna corrected. "...So... you were telling the truth?" Wolverine asked "Duh!" Deadpool replied "Do I lie all the time!?" "Yes." Everyone answered. "... Damn." "Hey Deadpool," Pinkie spoke "Do you know what I just noticed?" "What?" "You haven't had a update in a long while! Is the narrator busy with something?" "...HOLY S**T!!! You're right!!! YO!!! What cha doin'!?" Well... Deadpool. Sorry for not updating you, but I've been busy with some stories that will soon become one huge story. These, as of right now, include: The Best Treasure of all time, The Great and Legend-Wait for it... Dary Trixie!, and Dredd's New Armor. "WHOAH!!! AN M RATED STORY!?!?!? And I'm still Teen rating!?" ...You can work as a bit of a tween's idol, much better than Michael Bay's Transformers. "...And I will agree with that. OH! Can I be one of them!?" ...maybe, but they need to vote. "VOTE FOR ME!!! I WANT TO RAISE MY OWN PINKIE PIE!!! ... oh! and hit it!!!"
Welcome to Jack@$$!!! Donkeys 1&2: Cranky and Matilda Welcome to Jack@$$!!! Donkeys 1&2: Cranky and Matilda It was early in the morning. Celestia's sun rose, bringing light across the land of Equestria and Ponyville. In the outskirts of Ponyville, a lone house was there, and Deadpool was- DEADPOOL!!! STOP DOING THAT TO THAT DOOR!!! "What!?" He asked "I'm Knocking!" You're humping the door! 'Oh Come on! There's a hole there! I think we can fit it in! That hole is small. Well... shall we become Asian for this? "THAT'S RACIST!!!" "Who's out there?" An angered voice asked. "OM MY GOD!!! Captain Ginyu!!!" The door slammed open and two familiar looking Donkeys stood there. "...What do you want?" Ginyu donkey asked. "...This!!! HIT IT!!!" a bunch of ponies came around, each dressed up as if they were in the 1770's. Deadpool also sported a horse riding suit. "SWAG!!!" Deadpool yelled, jumping off the stage and ridding himself of the suit! The Donkey's stared at him, both making a confused face. "You said it." Deadpool replied. He froze. "Hey! Was the video really necessary?" Look, I'm just trying to work on your chapter for a bit, and even then, I completely forgot about Celestia banishing you to Tartarus. "Tartarus? What the hell are you-" "TO TARTARUS!!!" Celestia yelled. With an overused 'Poof' sound effect, Deadpool disappeared. Deadpool found himself in Tartarus, seeing the dark cave. "Well... it can't be that bad." Oh Really? I think Pharrell Williams will Disagree. "Pharrell Williams? Wait!!! You mean-" Then the song Happy played. "NO!!! NO!!! MAKE IT STOP!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MAKE IT STOP!!!" Perhaps in a week. Busy with some stuff. See you later. "YOU SON OF A B-"
Little b***h!Little b***h! Alright, back to Deadpoolness. Where did we leave off? Oh! Right! Deadpool was... uh... Deadpool... what are you- "WHAT THE F**K MAN!!!" Deadpool yelled, putting his phone away "You're really into that type of s**t!?" Um... Deadpool, I have no idea what you're- "Will be snack for bits!? Talk about desperate! I have blueballs here, and I'm not complaining about it! Hell, I even destroyed that boombox you stashed in here repeating that Happy song on repeat!" THANK GOD FOR THAT!!! I prefer the parody. Who doesn't? ... People who are into this type of stuff. I was hoping you wouldn't find that. "AND YOU LOST, LITTLE B***H!!!" ... Alright, you won that one. Shall we continue and not argue each other? "No guarantees!" Fine. Alright, Deadpool heard a familiar man scream in the distance with some roaring. Looking over a cliff, Deadpool saw a familiar man battling against some pony looking shadows: TASKMASTER!!! "GET AWAY FROM ME!!!" Task yelled, slicing a demon's head off. "OI!!!" Deadpool yelled "TASKMASTER!!!" Task looked up and froze with fear. "Oh hell no!!! I'm am in hell!!! Back off, Deadpool!!!" Deadpool teleported right behind Taskmaster and shot at some demons that were charging at Task from behind. "Relax! We're in this together!" "WHAT!?!?!?" "HIT IT!!!" The shadows surrounded Deadpool and Taskmaster. The two pulled their swords out and began to fight off the demons: Deadpool using all his wackiness went into a blurry circle, slicing the demons while Taskmaster used his sword and shield to battle against the oncoming shadows. Some of the shadows jumped into each other and formed into larger shadows, most now assuming a more human looking form of the two. The rest of the shadow ponies were offed by Deadpool & taskmaster, but their bodies twitched and formed into either two swords or a sword & a shield. Both Deadpool & Taskmaster were back to back, both holding back a shadow. "It's no use!!!" Taskmaster yelled "There's too many of them! And I think they're learning!" Did he forget who we are? Let's show him a little Kingdom Hearts 2 Action! "TOGETHER!!!" Deadpool yelled. "What do you-" before Taskmaster could ask, he pulled out his two uzis along with Deadpool, the two went back to back, and fired at the demons in patterns, with Deadpool teleporting everywhere, confusing the shadows on where they were until all the demons were now gone! GET BONUS! *Shadow Form! GET BONUS! Maximum Defense increased "Ooh! Shadow Form!!!" Deadpool exclaimed to his new stats. Taskmaster breathed hard, then looked up to Deadpool. "Deadpool?" He asked "W-what the hell just happened?" "A duo move! I think we shall call that... Teli-shooter!!!" That's... not half bad, actually. It could be worse. "What brings you here?" Deadpool asked "I wasn't brought here," Task replied "I was sucked in here by some portal. Truth be told, I thought someone killed you when you were gone, but after seeing this, I can see you're far from gone." "UNLIKE YOUR FANBASE!!!" Deadpool posed while some 8-bit glasses fell over his eyes, some music played, everything went black & white, and the captions 'Thug Life' came into view. Taskmaster blinked for a few seconds. "Yep... it's really you." "Hey! Don't be dissin' me and my crew! You want to escape from this crib!?" "Uh... sure... my homie." "Good!" "But, where are we?" "We are in Tartarus, so the exit out of here is a cave!" "...A cave?" "Hey! Do you want to be left behind for those living shadow things?" "Uh... no. But I don't think we-" Deadpool grabbed Taskmaster and the two were near the exit of the cave. "Can... do... it." "Uh huh! That's what I thought gurl!" Loud howling was heard. "What the hell was that!?" "That be Cerberus!" "Cerberus!? THE CERBERUS!?!?!? What are we going to do!?" "Just stand still and watch." "Alright, if you say- OOOHHHH!!!" Deadpool punched Taskmaster in his nuts, making him fall to the floor and roll in pain. "THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!!! ... Woop Woop Woop!" Deadpool ran out of Tartarus. "Hold on! I almost forgot my selfies!" He teleported to a restaurant in Ponyville, where Cranky and Matilda were having a romantic dinner. Deadpool swiped the toupee off Cranky's head!!! *Derpy yells last* While everypony was yelling bald, Deadpool took a selfie with the two love birds before running away! Celestia was sitting in her room, eating more cake while drinking tea. She stopped as he heard some music playing and Luna running away from it. "Leave me alone!" Luna yelled. "Swiggity Swooty, I'm Coming For That Booty!" Deadpool's voice repeated as Luna entered Celestia's room, chased by Deadpool and the Foxy animatronic. "Swiggity Swooty, I'm Coming For That Booty! Swiggity Swooty, I'm Coming For That Booty! Swiggity Swooty, I'm Coming For That Booty! Swiggity Swooty, I'm Coming For That Booty! Swiggity Swooty, I'm Coming For That Booty! Swiggity Swooty, I'm Coming For That Booty! Swiggity Swooty, I'm Coming For That Booty!" Celestia blinked for a few moments, then shrugged. "Why did I even bother banishing him in the first place?" She asked herself. Deadpool teleported right in front of her, grabbed the Princess by the back of her head, and kissed her like a cartoon character, making the Princess blush and swing her hooves around. Deadpool released Celestia from his kiss and slapped her on her flank area. "BOOTY!!!" Deadpool yelled before teleporting away. Celestia stared blank faced. "N-No pony's kissed me like that before." Author's Note Back guys. I'm pretty sure Taskmaster is fine... maybe. Who should Deadpool meet next?
TWENAI JUAN!!! Pony #107 & 108: Ms. Cheerilee and Big MacintoshSomewhere, in ponyville's park, the silent stallion named Big Macintosh sat in front of Ponyville's local teacher, Ms. Cheerilee. The sun was setting in the distance, and the two stared into each other's eyes. "Big Mac?" Cheerilee asked "Eeyup." The stallion replied "I... just want to tell you something." "Eeyup." She got closer. "You... promise not to tell anypony?" "Eeyup." She was nearly touching his muzzle. "You... you have something stuck in your teeth." "OH COME ON!!!" Deadpool yelled, popping out of the bush, recording the two. "F**K EACH OTHER!!! THIS WOULD'VE BEEN GREAT ON YOUTUBE!!!" "WHAT THE-!?" "Nope!" Big Mac yelled. Deadpool teleported next to the two. "Come on!" Deadpool yelled, still recording the two "The cloppers need to see your own Big Mac, Big Mac!" The two ponies looked to each other and Cheerilee nodded. Big Mac turned around. "Oh yeah! Show everyone your-" The stallion, with a swift kick from his back leg, kicked Deadpool in his nuts!!! Deadpool screamed like a little b***h and fell to the floor, rolled into a ball, whimpering to himself. "Eeyup." The stallion said. "Did we go too far?" Cheerilee asked "...My lower area!" Deadpool whimpered "My... diamonds... my joy... my homies... my n***as... my... my..." "Your what?" Deadpool stood right up, almost as if nothing happened. "DEEZ NUTS!!! HA!!! GOT EEM!!!" That joke again? Any joke can work until it's murdered by either Adam Sandler or overused on the internet! It IS overused. There's exceptions. "Oh... I guess he's fine then." Cheerilee commented. "Eeyup." Big Mac deadpanned. Deadpool teleported inbetween the two and grabbed both by the back of their heads "NOW KISS!!!" Deadpool yelled "KISS LIKE IN MY FANFICS!!!" Cheerilee and Big Mac used all their strength to stop each other from kissing. They both stomped on Deadpool's feet, making the Merc let them go and fall to the floor with the 'When your legs don't work like they used to before' song bit playing. "...ow." Deadpool simply said. Big Mac and Cheeilee backed away from the Merc. "I'm so sorry for this," Cheerilee said "but I didn't invite him over. Did you?" "Nope." big Mac replied "Strange. Why is here?" Deadpool snapped his head backwards. "TO GET YOU BOTH LAID!!!" Deadpool yelled. He stood right up and snapped his head back in place. "Though you both need help. Big Mac: you don't think you're the stud she wants to be. And you, Cheerilee, you don't think you're the mare you want him to be, right?" They both sweated, awkwardly smiled, and rubbed the back of their heads. "Luckily for you, I offer help! Let's go, big guy!" "...What?" Big Mac asked. Deadpool teleported onto Big Mac's back, wearing a famous cowboy's outfit. "RIDE LIKE THE WIND, BULLSEYE!!!" Deadpool slapped Big Mac in his plot, causing him to run with a horses whinny. "I'll make you sexy, Cheerilee!!!" Big Mac and Deadpool stood in the field of Sweet Apple acres with Applejack and Applebloom. "Alright," Deadpool said "we're just going through a montage to get this done. HIT IT!!!" Applebloom pressed the play button on a boombox and the beat to a certain Trey Parker movie played. Deadpool Crazy Stuffy All three HEY! What makes a man, is it the power in his hands? Is it his quest for glory? Give it all you've got, to fight to the top. So we can know your story! Now you're a man, a man, man, man! Now you're a man, a manly, manly man. A man, man, man. You are now a man, you're a man. Now you're a man! LIVE IT, LIVE IT! What makes a man, is it the woman in his arms? Just cause she has big t*****s? Or is it the way, he fights every day? ...No, it's probably the t*****s! Now you're a man, a man, man, man. Now you're a ma-man, a ma-ma-ma-ma-man. Now you're a man, M-A-N man, man. man, man, maan. Now you're a man! With Big Mac... looking relatively the same... Deadpool rushed over to Cheerilee, seeing her in the spa with the twins, Fluttershy, and Rarity! "What are you doing to Miss Cheerilee?" Rarity asked. "Helping her!" Deadpool replied, getting a bucket of water. "Now hold still!" He splashed the bucket of water all over Cheerilee, making her mane go down & wet. "And done!" "...is that it?" Cheerilee asked "You don't have boobs, so I can't help much more. RARITY!!! DRESS!!! This is our big night!" Big Mac waited in the custodial, as Cheerilee entered, wearing a.. oh mama! "Sexy, ain't it?" Deadpool asked Uh... I usually don't say it... but... yeah... it is. "So... you gonna do it?" WHAT!?!? HELL NO!!! "Your loss." Uh... well... you're stupid! "I ain't stupid!" "Deadpool?" Cheerilee asked "Who are you talking to?" "Nothing Cheerliee! ... I'll get back to you later." Have fun with that. "I must say," Cheerilee commented "You do have a strange taste in things." "Well shucks!" Deadpool blushed "Where did you get your education from?" "Uh... downtown." "...Downtown? Deadpool... did you... oh Sweet Celestia!" She ran to Deadpool and tackled him "You never went to school, did you!?" "I did! I am smarter than the others!" "Alright then, who was the leader of Equestria before Celestia!?" "Um... Lebron James?" "...No. What was the ancient fruit our ancestors ate before hay!?" "Uh...Pears?" "Wrong! One question left. What's 9 plus 10?" Don't you dare say 21!!! We won't, we'll go with the alternate. NO!!! DON'T SAY- "Eleven!" Deadpool answered. Cheerilee's eyebrows flattened. "You're going to school tomorrow." She said. "WHAT!?!?!? N-" Before he could do the Darth Vader 'no!' joke, Big Mac knocked him out. "Thank you, Big Mac." "Eeyup!" The stallion replied. "Shall... we continue?" The two continued their date together, knocking out Deadpool out every once in a while. "Eeyup."
This is how you rap! Pony #109 & 110: Snips and SnailBored. That's the word Deadpool thought of: Bored. He sat in the very back desk, struggling to keep himself awake as Miss Cheerilee discussed about Equestria's history. He was very lucky that the Cutie Mark Crusaders were there, though they were more interested in the lesson Miss Cheerilee was teaching. As much as he wanted to, he could't football kick both Diamond Tiara & Silver Spoon to see who can go the furthest. UGH!!! We can learn this with those MLP Comics!!! We really can't rely on them. WHY NOT!?!?!? Because we'll be distracted with the pictures AND the show never acknowledges the comics Whatsoever. So the show will have a different explanation whatsoever. Deadpool groaned to himself and fell asleep on his desk. "Deadpool!" Cheerilee yelled. Deadpool snorted himself awake! All the kids laughed at him. The kids still snickered at him. "Deadpool?" Cheerilee asked "Have you been paying attention?" "Uh... yeah." Deadpool replied "If so, who was the King of the Earth Pony Kingdom before Sir Hooffington the great." "Uh... Sir Hoofington the not-so-great?" "... Correct! I'm glad to see you're learning!" "LIKE A BOSS!!!" Cheerilee walked to the front of the class. "Alright my little ponies! You know what today is?" It's Fri- NO!!! "SHOW AND TELL DAY!!!" All the kids yelled "Correct! Now Everypony, show us what you have and tell the class about it! And remember: No weapons!" "Aww!" Deadpool and the CMC groaned. "Well... I got my other self to show." Sweetie Belle said, taking Sweetie Bot out of her backpack. "I love myself!" Sweetie Bot spoke in it's robot voice. "I got Rainbow Dash's other self!" Scootaloo spoke, pulling the R-Dash 5000 out of her backpack. "Swag!" The robot said. "And I got this!" Applebloom added, pulling out an apple. "...Really?" Deadpool asked. "At least mine is a screamer." Deadpool sat through many of the kids presentations. The CMC showed off their stuff, Sweetie Belle & Scootaloo getting awed while Applebloom was just a groan, the two b***es showed off how great they were, and the rest were forgettable. The last three were Deadpool and Snips & Snails. When they got up, they rapped and it was so awful, Deadpool- "That rap was so bad," Deadpool interrupted "I think my cancer was doubled!!!" In Luna's room. Princess Luna's ears perked up as Deadpool said those words. "Why did we even say that?" she asked herself. She levitated a videogame controller and began to play Fallout 3 Cheerilee's school "Oh yeah!" Snips proclaimed "What you know about rapping?" "Yeah!" Snails added "You ain't hip as us!" "I ain't as hip as you?" Deadpool proclaimed "I'LL SHOW YOU HIP!!!" He pulled out two CDs and threw both into the R-Dash 5000 and Sweetie Bot's 'mouth' area. Music began to play as soon as the robots sang together, doing the robot dance. The Robots Deadpool Snips Snails intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Another dimension, another dimension, Another dimension, another dimension, Another dimension, another dimension, Another dimension, another dimension, Another dimension, another dimension, Another dimension, another dimension Well, now, don't you tell me to smile! You stick around, I'll make it worth your while! Got numbers beyond what you can dial! Maybe its because I'm so versatile! Style, profile, I said! It always brings me back when I hear, "ooh child"! From The Hudson River out to the Nile! I run the marathon 'til the very last mile! Well, if you battle me, I will revile! People always sayin' my style is wild! You've got gall, you've got guile! To step to me, I’m a rapophile If you wanna battle, you're in denial! Comin' from Uranus to check my style! Go ahead; put my rhymes on trial! Cast you off into exile! Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic Jazz and AWOL, that's our team! Step inside the party, disrupt the whole scene! When it comes to beats, well, I'm a fiend! I like my sugar with coffee and cream Well, I gotta keep it goin', keep it goin' full steam! Too sweet to be sour; too nice to be mean! Well, on the tough guy style, I'm not too keen! Trying to change the world, I will plot and scheme Mario C likes to keep it clean! Goin' to shine like a sunbeam! Keep on rapping, cause that's my dream! Got an A from Moe Dee for sticking to themes Now when it comes to envy, ya'll is green! Jealous of the rhyme and the rhyme routine! Another dimension, new galaxy! Intergalactic planetary! Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic We're from the family tree of old school hip-hop! Kick off your shoes and relax your socks! The rhymes will spread just like a pox! Cause the music is live, like an electric shock I am known to do the wop! Also known for the Flintstone Flop! Tammy D getting biz on the crop (crop)! Beastie Boys known to let the beat "MMM, D-r-r-rop!" Now when I wrote graffiti, my name was Slop! If my rap's soup, my beats is stock! Step from the table when I start to chop! I'm the lumberjack, DJ Adrock If you try to knock me, you'll get mocked! I'll stir fry you in my wok! Your knees'll start shaking and your fingers pop! Like a pinch on the neck from Mr. Spock Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic, Another dimension, another dimension, Another dimension, another dimension, Another dimension, another dimension, Another dimension, another dimension, Another dimension, another dimension, Another dimension, another dimension The class stared in Awe as Deadpool was in his best gangster outfit. They clapped for him. "Thank you for that performance, Deadpool!" Cheerilee cheered "You made this the best show and tell ever!" "That!?" Deadpool asked "That wasn't my show and tell." The class murmured to each other. "Well... what is it." Deadpool smiled under his mask. Oh Don't it./color] DO IT!!! "HEY KIDS!!!" Deadpool yelled, pulling a gun to his head "WANNA SEE A DEAD BODY!?!?!?" Deadpool pulled the trigger, a bullet went through his skull, leaving a splatter of blood on the wall, and his body feel to the floor, limbless. The children stared at him for a few moments, then screamed, causing a wide panic at the school. Even Cheerilee screamed at what Deadpool did. Oh my god! So worth it!!! Author's Note And that, kids, is why Deadpool never went to school again!
I hate Doctors. Ponies #111- 116: Redheart, sweetheart, Dr. Stable, that kid & that other nurse, and Screwy.The sound of heart monitors beeped around Deadpool. He opened his eyes to see that he was, indeed, in Ponyville's hospital. Great! You just officially scarred those kids for life! We did say it WAS a screamer! Yeah, but after performing a pretty cool rap with those two idiots, we shoudl've just took our seats and let the class end like that. We don't play like that! Besides, when Granny Smith passes away, this will help applebloom be strong! ...You are an idiot. The doors opened and an angered Applejack, Rainbow Dash, & Rarity entered with a concerned looking cheerilee. "Ladies!" Deadpool yelled in bliss "It's so good to see you! Didn't I make that day at school 20% cooler!?" "...NO!!!" The three of the elements yelled. Applejack pulled her rope out and hogtied Deadpool up! "Whoa! You're really into some kinky stuff, ain't you?" That's not what's happening. Whew! I thought it was going to be like Brokeback mountain! "I hope not!" Deadpool yelled "I don;t want cowboy butt-" "GET 'IM!!!" Rainbow Dash yelled. Rarity levitated a baseball bat and all three ponies began to beat up Deadpool! "You ruined my sister's mind!" Rarity yelled "You made Applebloom afraid of you!" Applejack added. "You made Scoots too scared to do anything!" Rainbow Dash added. "And I'm too awesome!" Deadpool yelled, stomping with them. The three stopped and stared at Deadpool. "What in tarnation!?" Applejack yelled, looking down: instead of Deadpool, they were beating up Justin Beiber. They looked up to Deadpool and growled. Deadpool, on the other hand- "MEEP MEEP!!!" He stuck his tongue out while floating in the air for a bit, turned around, and ran away in a puff of clouds! "How does he do that!?" Rainbow Dash asked. Deadpool ran across the hospital floor, leaving behind a trail of fallen ponies in their wheel chairs (or... back leg wheels) & a mess, but stopped as he saw the newborn fillies & colts. He watched the newborns turning in their sleep, others barely opening their eyes while other just almsot stared at Deadpool, then smiled at him. He may not know a lot of thing, but he could tell that they thought of Deadpool as a father in their own eyes. It's... too... cute! Diabeetus! Deadpool stared at the cute sight for a while. "HNNG!!!" He fell to the floor. Were it not for his rapid healing, he may have actually died from cuteness, but quickly opened his eyes, seeing eye-to-eye with a white earth pony with a pink mane in a bun, wearing a nurse hat. "...Are you Deadpool?" Deadpool teleported & stood with his back at the newborns, though he now sat like a dog on a chair. "HELLO NURSE!!!" Deadpool and his voices spoke at the same time. So Dreamy! So Smart! "So Sexy." Deadpool spoke to himself, drooling a bit. "...Sir," Redheart spoke "You're drooling." "I ain't drooling. I'm just thirsty." "Really? You're way of thirst is interesting. Please, follow me and I'll show you to our nearest water fountain." Deadpool drooled even more as Redheart turned around & walked away, nearly shaking her hips & swinging her tail with each step. Only one thing came to Deadpool's mind. "That Booty!" Deadpool charged and carried Redheart into his room, slamming the door on the role models for the CMC's face! Deadpool leapt into his bed, now noticing a weird picture of... something, breaking both of his legs in the process! "Are you alright, Deadpool?" Redheart asked. "No! I just... broke a leg!" "...That's not really funny." "To me it is! Now please, my legs need help!" "Alright, calm down! Nurse Redheart's here!" She walked over to Deadpool's legs and did her best to pop them back in, but noticed- DEADPOOL!!! She's gonna do it!!! Oh no she isn't!!! "...Deadpool?" She asked (oh god, Why!?) "Is that... a horn?" "You can it that." Deadpool replied "...How long have you had it?" "All of my life!" Deadpool watched in anticipation as Redheart came to his... THAT'S IT!!! I'M OUTTA HERE!!! YOU'RE SO F**KED UP, DEADPOOL!!! Alright, now this is better! Now where were we? Oh! Yes. Shall we? "Hell yeah!" Deadpool replied "And back so quick?" Yeah. might as well suck it up. Anyways, Redheart went to Deadpool's... horn. "What do you do with it?" she asked "Multiple things." "Including magic?" "You can say it. Now, it deserves a kiss, since it has a boo-boo." "I'll give it more than a kiss." Her voice went sultry. "Oh baby! Never thought this would happen!" He rested on his back and awaited his kiss on his boo-boo. "Just don't scream." "Scream!?" Deadpool looked up and saw Redheart had an ax, ready to chop his little-pool off. Deadpool screamed and dodged the swing of her ax. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? IT'S NORMAL!!!" "No it isn't! You have lower horn disease! The only cure is to amputate it!" "It ain't a horn! That's my d**k!!! MRAQUINO!!!" Sorry, find that so funny! Deadpool ran away from Redheart and stumbled into another room, this one occupied with Doctor Stable, Nurse Sweetheart, that pink nurse, and that one kid. All 4 surrounded Screwy, who was busy barking & giving away Deadpool's spot. Deadpool threw a bone at Screwy, to which the pony caught it in air with her mouth and acted like what a dog would. "Deadpool!?" Doctor Stable asked in shock "We thought you were dead!" "Me?" Deadpool replied "Dead? HAHAHAHAHA!!!" The docs backed up a bit. "Maybe he needs help more than screwy here." Sweetheart whispered. "Good idea," the other nurse whispered back "think we should get the Tranquilizers now?" "No thanks." Deadpool whispered back, making both mares jump back a bit. He jumped onto Screwy's back and slapped her on the plot! "RIDE LIKE THE WIND, BULLSEYE!!!" Screwy ran ahead and crashed through the wall, but Deadpool fell easily. The Doc, nurses, and child surrounded him. "...Oh crap." "Get the sedatives!" Stable said to the child. The child saluted, turned, but stopped and trembled. "What's wrong? Is there-" He stopped and trembled as well. The nurses stared, trembled, and all backed away. Deadpool looked up and saw who it was: Lady Death! "Bone Cheeks!!!" Deadpool Exclaimed "Hello, Cancer cheeks." Death replied with a warm smile. "You two know each other!?" Stable asked, huddled with the nurses. "Of course we do!" Deadpool replied, getting up and hugging Death "She loves me for being the one that kills the most people!" "AND the only one who can't die." She added. She took off the bottom part of Deadpool's mask and the two kissed, literally having the kiss of death. Deadpool removed his lips from her. "Hold on... How can I see you if I'm not having a near death moment?" She giggled at his question. "Silly Wade! This land is magical in nearly every way, so seeing me shouldn't be a problem. Plus, you shot yourself in the head after being gone for a while. I can't live without my lovely psychopath and regenerating degenerate." "Oh! How sweet! ... You... uh... did you-" "I did." "...And-" "You've done worse." "Oh... well... sorry. Want me to make it up? You know I miss you." "I'm sure you did." She levitated a wheelchair & placed Deadpool in it. Deadpool took out a ukulele and played some music with some doctors in other rooms whistling to the music. As Lady Death pushed Deadpool out of the hospital, many ponies backed away from them & shivered while recently deceased ponies and other creatures rose from the dead & followed them. "♫You know I can't smile without you. I can't smile without you. I can't laugh and I can't sing. I'm finding it hard to do anything! You see I feel sad when you're sad, I feel glad when you're glad! If you only knew what I'm going through, I just can't smile without you!♫" They were outside, and the skeletons of ponies & other creatures rose & followed them, singing the song with them. "I love this song, Deadpool!" "I figured you did! After all, ♫You came along just like a song and brightened my day! Who would of believed that you were part of a dream, now it all seems light years away! And now you know I can't smile without you, I can't smile without you! I can't laugh and I can't sing, I'm finding it hard to do anything! You see I feel sad when you're sad, I feel glad when you're glad! If you only knew what I'm going through, I just can't smile! Now some people say happiness takes so very long to find! Well, I'm finding it hard leaving your love behind me! And you see I can't smile without you, I can't smile without you, I can't laugh and I can't sing; I'm finding it hard to do anything! You see I feel glad when you're glad, I feel sad when you're sad! If you only knew what I'm going through, I just can't smile without you!♫" The two made it to the house, leaving behind a trail of bones & corpses on the floor. "Shall we?" Death ask "I don't know," Deadpool replied "I mean, I have to take a selfie with everypony here, the line of bones, and-" "But we're home alone." Deadpool stared at her, then to her boobs, and back to her face. Author's Note Don't worry, Death will stay with Deadpool through this story, and perhaps a few other characters as well. Who should Deadpool meet next? And here's some good ol' Roadrunner cartoons to enjoy.
AN OFFICIAL CROSSOVER!!!Both Deadpool and Lady Death woke up the next morning in a cuddle on their bed. All around the house, there was destroyed property everywhere, 69 pairs of skeletons inside the closet, each in sexy poses, and a row of Justin Beiber clones strapped to each other like in "The Human Centipede" What the hell happened last night? I have no idea! "Whatever happened last night," Deadpool said, picking up a diamond next to his bed "that was something totally f**king awesome!!!" "It was," Lady Death replied "and I think you should return that to the one called Rarity." Death got up and began to walk away. Deadpool got up from his bed, using a convenient placed sword's hilt to cover his mini-pool. "Wait! Bae! Where you going!?" She turned back to Deadpool. "I'm sorry, Wade, but I need to head back to Earth. The lack of death here can't keep me full, and if I'm not full, I will pass away, and the souls will be lost forever." "But... I can kill more, if you want!" "Oh Deadpool, you really are a sweetheart. I may be able to live a bit longer, but not forever. I'm sorry, but Earth needs me." She opened a portal, then stopped & turned back to Deadpool "And did you call me 'Bae'?" "...I did." "What does that even mean?" "Well, it means multiple things such as sweetie, baby, boyfriend or girlfriend. But I love what the Danish word means!" "And what does the Danish word of 'Bae' mean? I forgot?" Deadpool chuckled like a madman "...POOP!!!" Death smiled and giggled. "I'll love to tell the young teenagers what 'Bae' means after dying to impress their love!" "Love everyone makes everyone stupid! But it makes geniuses like us into Stephen Hawking talking dirty!" That makes no sense. Talk dirty to me! "Leedle Leedle Leedle Lee!" Deadpool yelled! Smoke came out of nowhere, covering his junk, and Deadpool proceeded to dance naked with a remix of Patrick's 'Leedle Leedle Leedle Lee' playing. "Goodbye, Deadpool." Death spoke, entering the portal back to earth. "See ya, Bone cheeks!" After Deadpool's... questionable dance, he lifted the strange looking Diamond in his hand. He had on his clothes on, removing the need of the censor bar around his privates "Where did this beauty come from?" He asked himself Maybe we stole it? That's the most logical thing you though of today. Maybe we did, but from who or where? "Eh! Who cares? It's ours now!... My a** itches!" Deadpool used the diamond and began to use it as his own butt scratcher. The diamond glowed and, up above Deadpool, a blue portal opened right above him. Are you seeing this!? "Can't... too... scratchy!" Hey! Look! A babe! "A BABE!?!?!?" Coming right on us in 3... 2... 1. Sure enough, a woman landed right onto Deadpool, making the merc land on his back and the woman landing on him with her head next to his. She got up a bit, but stopped and stared at Deadpool's face, and Deadpool stared right back: she has blonde hair with a black headband, red-orange eyes, a black scarf around her neck with both ends dangling over her shoulders, a white t-shirt under a short-cropped black jacket with gold trims, dark gray jeans, and short-cropped combat boots. They stared at each other for a few moments. She moved a bit, but felt something holding her by her... um... butt. "Can you let me go?" She asked "I'm not holding you." Deadpool replied "Yeah... sure you aren't. Like how you don't have a boner?" "What!? Get real! I'm not turned on that easily!" Deadpool looked down. "...Well s**t, I am." He teleported away right back up and patted his mini-pool back into place. She stood right back up. "Hold on: you teleport?" Deadpool turned around, not having a bulge in his pants anymore. "Hell yeah I can! The name's Deadpool: Merc with the mouth, the regenerating degenerate, or ninja spider-man are amongst some of the things folks called me back home! And what is your ability & name, miss boooooooooooooooopa?" Her eyes lowered to a fierce look. "... My name is Kat, and I can alter gravity to my will. How did I get here?" "Oh... you're not going to be mad at me, are you?" "Well... if it's on accident, I can let it slip." "Oh thank God! See, I found this weird crystal from last night after having sex with Lady Death last night. I have no idea what happened, but I got this weird Diamond from Celestia knows where, and I want to keep it because I want to make it rain, but then my butt got itchy, so I- "YOU USED MY CRYSTAL TO SCRATCH YOUR ASS!?!?!?" "...Yeah. And how did you swear?" She growled loudly and, if this were an anime, her eyes would be white with fire in her pupil's place, steam would come out, and perhaps a mental image of Kat being a literal cat chasing Deadpool as a mouse, looking like something from a Tom & Jerry Cartoon. Hold on a sec... Kat!? Haven't we heard that name before? Is it that one girl that used to work at the pink scientific theorem? "Holy S**T!!!" Deadpool yelled. He ran and grabbed Kat by her shoulders and shook her. "YOU'RE KAT FROM GRAVITY RUSH!!! OH MY SWEET BABY LUNA!!!" "You... know me?" "F**K YEAH!!! You were one of the main reasons I bought a PSVita in the first place, AND the only reason why I kept that Super Smash Boring Playstation knock off, even if you were a DLC character." "...What!?" "But where's your skimpy outfit!?" "EXCUSE ME!?!?!?" "Your black, one piece suit that covers your boobs and booty! Like... Cammy from Street Fighter!" Kat growled right at him and proceeded with an right hook across Deadpool's face! Deadpool fell to the floor and twitched like a bug, complete with a nosebleed. She's not like us. She can't see past the 4th wall like us. Then we'll show her! Deadpool stood right up & picked up Kat in his arms, jumped out of a window, and landed on Derpy's back! Derpy flew into the sky, not even giving two bucks that Deadpool had a female woman in his arms. "What the hell are you-!?" Kat began to ask, but was cut off by Deadpool. "Shh, let me show you. ♫I can show you the world! Shining, shimmering, sple-♫" Kat punched Deadpool in the nuts! Deadpool released Kat, grabbing onto his jewels, and fell to the floor, wheezing in pain while rolling on the floor. Kat levitated herself down and landed next to Deadpool. "What the hell is wrong with you!? You're as crazy as Gilgamesh!!!" "Give... me a sec." Deadpool slowly got up, still holding his groin, but took a deep breath. In a few seconds, he stood upright. "Alright b***h, it's one thing to cancel me from singing, but you... YOU HURT MY TESTICLE!!!" Deadpool pulled his two machine guns out and fired at Kat! Kat's skin turned into a near translucent orange-red with a red center, and she used her anti-gravity abilities to fly around & stop Deadpool's bullets from hitting her. She turned the bullets around and fired them right back at Deadpool! Deadpool simply moved his hips to the left, then right, lifted his legs up, spun around & was in a Spanish bullfighter outfit, lifting the red cape while yelling "Toro!", spun around & did a Russian dance while in a Russain outfit, spun around & wore while doing his best Elvis Presley impersonation, and then spun again to be in his cowboy outfit. He pulled a six shooter out, to which Kat fired it out of his hand, making Deadpool have a shocked look (though not seen under his bandana), and Kat fired him in his chest! Deadpool saw the blood coming out and held it with his other hand. "You got me, pardner!" He spoke in his best cowboy accent. "I hope I did!" Kat yelled, landing back on the ground & crossing her arms. Deadpool took some exaggerated steps over to Kat, and fell over. Kat opened her open arms and caught him, even though she just wanted him to shut up and die. Deadpool grabbed her right breast and pulled his head up towards her face. Now Kat was just close to snapping his neck! "Hole me closer, Kat." His voice sounded weak "i-i-it's gettin' dark." She rolled her eyes while he turned his head around & coughed, then turned back to her. "Tell little Annie to let ol' yeller out." Another exaggerated cough & turn to the head before he continued "Tell Tiny Timmy I won't be with him this Christmas!" More coughing, this one sounding heavy. "Tell MrAquino I do give a damn!" He turned to couch, but turned back to Kat and coughed in her face, showing only his cancer covered mouth, followed by a fart. "Pardon me." He leaned his head down and went limp. Kat just stared at him, then looked up: Every Pony & related character Deadpool had meet were all there, sitting in chairs, all crying at Deadpool's performance. They got up and stomped their hooves/ clapped their hands together, cheering for his performance while Discord summoned an Oscar that had Leonardo DiCaprio's name on it, but was scratched out and instead had a sloppy "Deadpool" on it. Deadpool got out of Kat's arms and took the Oscar. Did we seriously just do a scene straight from "The Mask"? We did Cuban Pete with the Changelings, so we might as well do this scene with her! Look at how happy she is! Kat growled loudly, her skin turning into the orange-red translucent self. "What's going on!?" Kat asked out loud. Deadpool pushed Kat to the ground and stood on top of her chest, adoring the crowd cheering for him. "THANK YOU!!! YOU LOVE ME!!! I'm Sorry Leo, but next time, learn from Matt Patt on how YOU can win an Oscar next year!" "GET OFF ME!!!" Kat yelled, pushing Deadpool off and stood right back up. "Okay, you can teleport, you act like a goddamn cartoon character, and you can heal fast!?" "Eeyup!" "Let's fix that!" She grabbed Deadpool and began to fall up with him below her legs. "Whew! PANTIES!!!" "SHUT UP, PERVERT!!!" She made gravity go normal and, in a few seconds, she slammed Deadpool's body to the floor, using her boots to stomp Deadpool's skull in! Deadpool's body twitched for a few seconds, being the last thing his body did was making both hands give the finger. She panted hard and walked away, wiping the bits of flesh off from her boots and onto the floor. She stopped as she heard the sound of flesh moving. Looking behind, she saw Deadpool's body gather the bits of his head, soon, seeing the head fully heal itself. "To be, or not to be awesome!? That is the question true dumba**es ask!" He placed his head back onto his body, and Kat watched with her jaw dropped & left eye twitching. "Y-You can't... die?" "Oh I can, I just don't know how! Believe me, I've done everything: I've been burned, I've been frozen, I've been eaten by monsters, I've been torn apart, had a funny encounter with Freddy Krueger once, saw every Shaquille O'Neal movie out there, went through an unimaginably awful prequel starring everyone's Canadian midget, and, to top it all off, being in this fanfiction!" HEY!!! "...I'm in hell, aren't I? I though Gilgamesh was random, but you... YOU'RE ON COFFEE, METH, AND COCAINE!!!" "I'm not on any of that stuff! I'm just on my swag!" "...Kill me! Please! For all that's good in life, someone, just KILL ME!!!" A portal opened up in the distance, and out came one of the many feared machines that the racist humans of Earth made (According to Marvel, that is): A Sentinel! Standing at over 100 feet high, the sentinel caused everypony in a nearby distance to get the heck outta dodge! "Oh S**t." "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?!?!?" "It's a sentinel: big, nasty mutant hunting robot! This is just one of them, but these mother f***ers can fly, shoot giant blasts of energy from their hands, and generally hate mutants. Thank God I'm a mutate and not a mutant, am I right? I mean, who would want one of those metal monstrosities chasing after them? Yeah... I'd kick it's a** though." "HALT, MUTANT!!!" The sentinel spoke in it's booming voice "You are under arrest!" "Please! Don't take me away!!! I can't do another nickel!!!" "Stand Still, Gravity Defiler." Kat looked at Deadpool. Deadpool let out a sigh of relief, turned to Kat, and gave her the finger. "Fuck you!" She replied. She turned around and used her gravity abilities to escape from the Sentinel! Unfortunately, the Sentinel easily caught her with a clean swipe, knocking her down and easily catching her, crushing her in the palm of it's giant hand! It began to release painful electric shock's to Kat's body, making her scream in pain. "Hey!" Deadpool yelled "How come her words are uncensored but not mine!?" "DEADPOOL!!! HELP!!!" We have to save her!!! "Screw her! She took my Oscar away!" But Deadpool, can't we, well, screw her? "Are you saying-" Ignore him! He's an idiot, remember? Plus, though she may not find us great, we have to uphold the magic of friendship, remember? Friendship is Magic? "Huh... you are right, but I don't think of her as my friend." So!? She can have other chicks that we can bang!!! Hey! Don't think about it! Plus, when we prove how we beat that Sentinel crushing her, she's gonna be like 'Oh! Deadpool! My hero! Please, my body is ready!' You know we only do that idea with Reggie, right? "...I'll do it! For both reasons!!!" Deadpool pulled his sword out "Look out Senty, it's time to meet your maker that wasn't any kid in a Chinese factory!!!" Deadpool teleported right into the Sentinel's hand and began to open the fingers, taking the electricity for Kat. Kat regained consciousness quickly, seeing Deadpool take the electric shocks for her and helping her become free from the robot menace's literal iron grip. She used her abilities & flew out as soon as she saw an opening, and began to escape. The Sentinel saw her escape and threw Deadpool to the ground , quickly tunring it's attention to Kat and chasing her, each footstep it made, shaking the town & it's residents a bit. Deadpool teleported away before he hit the ground, and was right in front of Kat's path. Kat reacted quickly and caught Deadpool in her arms. "You came back for me!" She yelled "Of course I did!" Deadpool replied "I may be an assassin with severe ADHD, but I know how to act like a knight in Shining Armor, even if this land has a character named Shining Armor!" "Uh... okay... but what are we going to do with this Sentinel!?" Deadpool looked and saw the Sentinel catching up. "GO UP!!!" "Up!? Didn't you say these things can fly!?" "I did, but trust me on this! I know what I'm doing!" Kat looked up and swallowed hard, but knew she had to trust Deadpool, or else the Sentinel would've truly killed her. She began to go up into the air, looking up to see the Sentinel switching into it's flight mode. "Alright... just a few more seconds... gotta send this tweet... uploading... sent... and... RELEASE ME!!!" Kat released Deadpool, allowing the Marc to fall to the Sentinels face, right over it's right eye. Deadpull pulled one of his swords out and stabbed the sentinel in it's eye, causing the machine to wail in pain and stop flying for a few seconds as it grabbed Deadpool in it's giant hand! Deadpool accidentally dropped his swords, and the Sentinel, with it's only good eye, prepared to fire a laser blast at him. "Welp... this is gonna hurt." Deadpool said, wincing in anticipation for the pain. "I'M COMING!!!" Kat yelled. Both Deadpool and the Sentinel looked up, only for the sentinel to be greeted with Kat kicking it's other eye so hard, she actually went through it's head! The Sentinel threw Deadpool into the air, in which Kat caught him easily, and the Sentinel began to cover both of it's eyes with it's right arm, and began to fire blindly with it's left. "Now to it's battery!" "And where's that!?" "The triangle on it's chest! I'll meet you there!" He teleported away. Kat dodged the Sentinel's plasma shots and made it to it's chest area, landing right next to the giant triangle. It seemed to notice where she was at and it rose both of it's arms up to begin to pound her into a bloody paste. Deadpool reappeared in a puff, using his swords and sliced both hands of the Sentinel off The sentinel was all but useless now, but they weren't finished. Deadpool teleported next to Kat and gave her one of his swords. "What do you want me to do with this?" "Use it like a crowbar!" "But won't it break?" "I've got replacements!" She shrugged and the two removed the giant chest plate, showing it's glowing battery core, though the swords snapped. "What now!?" "We blot it the f**k up like a Michael Bay film!" "How!?" "It's hands!" She 'ohed' at it. Deadpool grabbed her and teleported her to it's right hand, the Deadpool went to the left. "On 3, got it!?" "Got it!" "1...2...3!!!" They both pulled the wires and both hands released a plasma shot to the Sentinel's battery! It exploded as Deadpool predicted, as pieces of the Sentinel showered over Equestria! The blast made Kat lose control of her abilities, making her fall down with no control. Though unsure, she thought she could hear music play as everything played out: Deadpool directed his fall and caught Kat in his arms. Deadpool directed both Kat and him to grab a falling piece of the Sentinel's face, and held on for dear life. "D-Deadpool?" she spoke in a weak tone. "Yeah?" Deadpool replied, looking back to her, holding her and the piece in place as they freefell. "...Thanks for coming back. You're not half bad. More annoying than Gilgamesh, but not bad." Deadpool smiled under his mask "Thanks. Say, spell 'Me'." "...M, E." "You forgot the 'D'." "There's no 'D' in 'Me'." "Not yet." He laughed out loud. "... You bastard!!!" "Don't worry, I got something even better!" "Hope so!" "Think you can control your powers?" "Yeah, I should." Before they could become a splatter on the floor, Kat began to float into the air and the two landed safely. The ponies cheered that their local hero and his side chick were safe. "Alright, what did you have in mind?" Deadpool placed the gold Daft Punk helmet over head, and he placed the silver on his. "You danced with Gilgamesh, right?" "Uh... Kinda. Why?" "Just follow me!" "That was fun," Kat replied, taking her helmet off. "And I got a little something for you." "That's cool," Deadpool said, pulling his smart phone out. "Come here!" He grabbed Kat and the two got into the picture frame. "SELFIE!!!" The two took a picture with a Party Favor photobombing in the background. "Alright, what was it?" "This." She gave Deadpool a simply kiss on his cheek. Deadpool blushed hard, then fell to his back. A portal opened up. "I guess that's my time to go. It was nice to meet someone new, perhaps you'll soon meet the other people I've meet. And, pleas, for all that's good, onl summon me for EMERGENCIES and not for having an itchy ass, okay?" Deadpool was strangely silent. "I'll take that as a yes. Bye!" She fliped her gravity around & entered the portal, and the portal closed as soon as she entered. Deadpool laid there as, inside his head, his voices sang I kissed a girl. Author's Note Be sure to check out DJSkywalker's "Gravity of the Situation".
Call of Doodyfield 21: Propaganda day Call of Doodyfield 21: Propaganda day After Deadpool's encounter with Kat (hope you looked at her link, folks), Deadpool... wait... Deadpool? Deadpool? Where are you? "Over here!" Oh! There you are! Why are you hiding inside a barrel? "Because he's coming!" Who's coming? Are you talking about the other superhero I'm adding? "What do you think, dumba**?" Hey! No need to get rude here! Plus, I'm an American myself, and I'm not as bad as Michael Bay. "...Touche." Plus, this is the Marvel Cinematic universe Captain America, the one with the kicka** "Winter Soldier" movie that you and I actually enjoyed more than both "The First Avenger" and his role in "The Avengers". "Really!? Why didn't you say so!? Bring him in!" Alright, just get out. Ahem, Deadpool got out of his hiding spot, and right above him was a portal with the colors Red, White, and Blue. "Really?" Just work with me. Anyways, the portal opened up, and Captain F**king America landed right on the floor in front of Deadpool in a pose that the Terminator did! "Hey! I came down face first and broke my ribs!" You're Deadpool, you can live with it. Captain America rose up and looked around, seeing Deadpool. "Deadpool!?" He asked "Is that really you?" "I don't know," Deadpool replied like a sassy black woman "Are you Captain America or Captain Puerto Rico?" "Puerto Rico? No! I'm from the God given United States of America! There's no way I'm from Puerto Rico." Deadpool pulled out his phone. The Cap stared at it, then looked at his chest. "So you want me to have all fifty stars on my chest?" Captain America asked "And all thirteen stripes!" Deadpool added "You still haven't answered me if you're Deadpool or not." Deadpool removed his mask, showing off his tumor looking face! "♫How 'bout now? 'Cause I'm up right now! And you suck right now♫!" Cap stared at Deadpool's face. "Well... I guess you really are Deadpool. Where are we?" "The place that's 20% cooler and better than America, EQUESTRIA!!!" "Equestria!? How's a small African country better than America!?" "This ain't an African country! This is a whole different land altogether! Just look around us!" "What do you mean? It looks like-" Cap froze as all around both of them, ponies ran everywhere, all enjoying their daily lives. Steve's eye began to twitch Is he gonna talk about how gay and 'unamerican' this is!? Considering he didn't commit suicide knowing that the President of the U.S & Head of S.H.I.E.L.D. is black, nearly all but whites have equal rights in actions & speech, and all his friends are dead... he's going to be alright. "...Deadpool?" Cap asked. Deadpool cartoonishly rose his head towards Cap. "Yeees?" He replied "...You've been gone for months... and you've been in a land with small... talking... ponies?" "Eeyup!" "...Where do I begin?" "Well, if you need to know, the land is ruled by two god horses that rule everything with an iron fist... or hoof, because they control the sun & the moon, as well as they can infiltrate your dreams as you sleep and can sentence you to live on the moon for 1000 years!" Cap stared at Deadpool as Wade smiled with a squee sound. Cap's eyes turned serious. "Sounds like a job for Captain America!" "WHAT!?!?!? NO!!! They love it here! I love it here!!!" "You've been brainwashed, Deadpool! You, and the rest of these ponies here are blindly following two tyrants that are abusing their power! They sound just as bad as Doctor Doom and the country of Latveria!!! I doubt they don't have technology, but I'm going to save them and show them true Democracy!!!" Deadpool pulled his swords out. "You can't attack them! For Starters, despite all of our efforts, Doctor Doom ruling the world is the only way humanity CAN SURVIVE, and second, the princess aren't tyrants! Well... I guess Celestia is, since she banished her sister to the moon for 1000 years, and is a bit of a Lazy a** for anything... trolls everyone... and I guess-" "We don't have much time! FOR FREEDOM!!!" Cap charged, but raised his shield as Deadpool sliced at him! "Deadpool! We need to stop them! We need-" "Shut up with you 'Freedom' this and 'Democracy' that! That's bulls**t!!! Plus, we have to let them rule! If Celestia and Luna dies, then not only will the world fall into chaos with a lack of order, but the sun & moon won't be raised at all! You'd literally have one side forever in light & burning forever and the other trapped in darkness and freezing to death!" "That's a lie! If they do control the Sun & Moon, then how was life even made to begin with!?" Deadpool froze and thought to himself That's... actually a good question. UNICORNS!!! We know unicorns did it, but how were THEY made if the sun & moon can't be raised or lowered? MAGIC!!! Magic was made AFTER life was made. There has to be some explanation for this! Deadpool was shoved out of the way and Captain America ran to the Canterlot Castle. "S**T!!!" Deadpool yelled getting up. "Quickly! To canterlot!!!" Both Celestia and Luna sat together on a table together, Celestia enjoying yet another piece of cake while Luna played on Nintendo 3DS, trying to capture all of the pokemon. "Sister," Celestia spoke "Where in Equestria did you get that device?" "...This?" Luna replied "Just... found... it... GOT YA!!!" Deadpool appeared in a puff of smoke, landing on the table & splatting Celestia's cake. "Your Highnessessessess!!!" Deadpool yelled "One of my friends has arrived and they're coming to meet you!!!" "That sounds splendid, Deadpool." Celestia replied "I'll save this slice of cake for your friend." "No! I mean, he's out to GET YOU!!!" "Get us?" Luna asked "How is he going to 'get us'? And why?" "He's on his way here and he's from my world in a foreign land called "America"! There, a**holes & D**ks rule everything, making all other people stupid as they spend too much money on stuff made from their own rules one day, China, and they'll become a unified empire called Americana. Let's say that he's too blindsided to see it and it too patriotic about it, becoming one of those dumba**es that have no facts about how it's great at all... LIKE CALL OF DUTY!!!" The doors came down, and Captain America stood there with two knocked out guards. "Celestia and Luna!" He began to monologue "Your reign of Tyranny is over! You may have blinded your local population to bow to your every word, saying your'e both powerful enough to move both the sun & the moon, but I know you've done multiple things to get to your power! I, Steve Rodgers, A.K.A., Captain America, am here to bring freedom, justice, and Democracy among these ponies, for you choose to rule everything with an Iron fist. Like Hitler, the Soviet Union, and Osama Bin Laden, you can get away with it for years, but history will remember you as a threat that-" "Thank you!" Luna exclaimed "He was... *yawn* very boring." "...You're not intimidated by me?" Cap asked "Not really." Celestia replied "I don't sense any powerful or dark magic in you." "But... your guards!" "This isn't the first time they've been knocked down. Why, my sister has fun knocking them out, right?" "'Tis was a fun game of bowling!" Luna replied. Cap stared as the two went back to their usual thing, Celestia levitating a piece of cake over to him. "Cake?" Celestia asked. Cap stared at the plate, then growled! He swiped the piece of cake and raised his shield. "FOR FREEDOM!!!" He yelled. Deadpool teleported right in front of him, mimicking a street fighter move. "SHORYUKEN!!!" Cap fell to the floor, then got up. "You really want to stop me from saving this world!?" "What is wrong with you C.O.D. Players these days!? Seriously!!! Seems to me that all America loves are white male protagonists that serve in the army! Really!? Maybe I shouldn't be too mad with Equestria Girls, now that I think about it." Captain America charged with his shield, Deadpool pulled out his twin swords, and the two clashed with each other! "Stand down, Soldier! They need-" "Blah Blah! Freedom this and Democracy that! Just skip that patriotic stuff and admit that you wanted to say the N-word to both the President and Nick Fury." "...The N-word?" "Yeah! You know! Didn't you freak out about Nick Fury, how things have changed, and, of course, who the president is?" "...Um.... I... uh-" "HEAR THAT FOLKS!?!?!? HE'S RACIST!!! RACIST!!! RACIST!!!" "I'M NOT RACIST!!!" Captain America stared at Deadpool. Deadpool performed a three stooges move by poking Cap in the eyes with both of his fingers. Cap regained his vision and saw Deadpool running while waving the Canadian flag around in one arm while there was an American flag burning on the floor, written in the flames, "This is how every country views you". Cap began to chase Deadpool! One Chase scene later: Both Cap and Deadpool stared down at each other in Sweet apple acres. Twilight Sparkle and Applejack approached. "Deadpool!?" Twilight yelled "What is going on!? "And why on Equestria is another human chasing ya'll!?" Applejack asked in her western accent. "Another one of the tyrants!?!?!?" Cap asked. "No!" Deadpool replied "She's Twilight Sparkle, The princess of Friendship! And that's applejack: Apple horse." "HEY!!!" Applejack yelled "There can't be a ruler over friendship!!!" Captain America yelled "Fist sun, the moon, and now friendship! What's next, love!?" "...Yes. We have Princess Mia Amor Cadenza, and she's watching over the Crystal Empire while Twi here runs-" "You really have succumbed to the evils of Tyranny, haven't you!?" "Hey!!!" Twilight yelled "We run things differently here! The least we can do is respect each other and-" "QUESADILLA!!!" Deadpool yelled, throwing the Mexican treat at Twilight's face. It landed on her face with a satisfying 'Splat', and she froze for a few moments. "Que-Que-QUESADILLA!!!" She yelled and ran away, trying to shake the cheesy snack away! "...She's afraid of Quesadillas?" Cap asked. "Yeah," Deadpool replied. "they're just... too cheesy for her!" Pinkie appeared Right behind Deadpool with her drums. "...Really?" "That's what she said." "Oh! Look! Hydra agents!!!" Deadpool pointed out and, sure enough, some hydra agents were there, taking a strange device around the corner of Sweet Apple Acres. "Hydra!?" Cap asked "What are they doing here?" "Why else would they be here?" "...I... have no idea." Deadpool turned to Cap "YOU STUPID MOTHA F***A!!! They're here to take over Equestria!!!" "But... why?" "Why? WHY!?!?!? THEY'RE EVIL!!! E-V-I-L!!! EVIL!!! Need more help? How about this: Every Villain Is Lemons!!! They want to take over the world, use it's magic on earth, and ultimately, destroy the 'American Dream' and-" "We don't have much time!!!" Cap ran ahead. Deadpool with his jaw dropped. So... we can Control him with 'American' stuff? If that's the case, then we can easily point out that all of the Alicorns are Americans and easily save Equestria. Jeez, he's really stupid now that we think about it! Not as bad as Wolverine when he was Captain Canada. Deadpool snickered to himself. "That was funny." He commented to himself. He teleported onto Applejack's back "RIDE APPLE HORSE!!!" "Ma Name's Applejack!!!" A.J. yelled. Deadpool slapped her plot and A.J. ran "YEE HAW!!! We'll show Captain what being an American is really like!!! We need everypony!!!" Captain America was knocked out easily, as one of the Hydra Agents knocked him out with news of Gay Marriage being legal. "...That was easy." One of the Hydra agents spoke "Think we can kill him now?" Another asked. They stopped and heard music. "♫Equestria, Equestria.♫" A chorus was heard. Over a hill, Deadpool was on top of a giant pile of ponies that he had met, all driven on Vinyl & Octavia's speaker car thing from "Slice of Life"! "♫EQUESTRIA!!!♫" Deadpool simply sang, jumping off the pile with an electric guitar. "Buck Yeah!♫" The crowd sang! "♫Comin' again to save the motherbuckin' day, Yeah! America!!!♫" "♫Buck Yeah! Freedom is the only way, Yeah!!!♫" "♫Terrorists, your game is through, 'cause now you have ta answer to America!!!♫" "Buck yeah!" "♫So lick my butt and suck on my balls! America!!!♫" "Buck Yeah!" "♫Whatcha' gonna do when we come for you now!?♫" "♫It's the dream that we all share; It's the hope for tomorrow!♫" "Buck Yeah... McDonald's "Wal-Mart!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "The Gap!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Baseball!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "The NFL!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Rock N' Roll!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "The Internet!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Slavery !!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Buck Yeah!... Starbucks!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Disneyworld!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Porno!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Valium!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Reeboks!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Fake Boobs!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Sushi!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Taco Bell!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Rodeos!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Bed, Bath and Beyond!!!" The crowd went silent."...Liberty!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Wax Lips!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "The Alamo!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Band-aids!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Las Vegas!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Christmas!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Immigrants!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Popeyes!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" "Democrats!!!" "BUCK YEAH!!!" Republicans!!!" The crowd really went silent "... Sportsmanship!!! ... Books!!!" "Buck yeah!" A lone Twilight yelled in the crowd. The music ended, and all of the Hydra agents fell to floor, twitching uncontrollably and foaming at the mouth. The epicness of Equetria's newest anthem was too much for the weak and non-brony people. Captain America got up, confused. "Wha-what happened?" He asked "Deadpool? Why are there a bunch of cute ponies around you?" "No time to explain!" Deadpool yelled, rushing to Captain America as a portal opened behind him. "America needs you to wake up, find Michael Bay, and give him the most patriotic punch that d**k in his d**k!!!" "But... why? I love his films." "I know you do, but... Obama found that there's been messages on how China is much better than America!!!" "WHAT!?!?!? WHERE!?!?!?" "Transformers 4! Now go and beat the s**t out of him!!!" "FOR FREEDOM!!!" He turned around and entered the portal, back to earth, and the portal closed. Deadpool took a deep breath. "Whew! Glad he's gone." Take that Michael Bay for ruining our childhood!!! This must be better than any other American thing out there. "Happy 4th of July readers!!! Don't tug your American junk & splatter it all over our childhood! Believe me, it's better to have red, white, and blue balls rather than have a patriotic mess! PLAY THE MUSIC!!!" Author's Note Happy Early 4th of July, folks! And if you're Canadian, Happy late Canada day!
I'M WALKIN' HERE!!! Pony #117: Babs SeedIn the streets of Manehatten, a lone filly looked through some trashcans. Her coat was a golden-orange, her mane & tail was a striped red-pink and pink, noticeable white freckles were on her face, and she had a pair of scissors as her cutie mark. After a couple of minutes, she came out with a bunch of trash on her head, but pulled out a couple of bits. "Sweet!" She exclaimed in her Dutch Brooklyn accent "9 bits!!! Just need one more to get a carrot-dog." The trashcan next to her rumbled, then the lid popped open, and Deadpool came out with a bunch of bits pouring out. "Seriously!?" Deadpool yelled "Why do ponies AND people literally throw money away!? The next thing you know, you're going to see some hobo with enough money to pay off his dept, you know what I mean?" The filly next to him stared at him. "...Hold on, are you... Deadpool?" "I don't know, aren't you Babs Seed?" She began to sweat and lowed herself in the garbage. "Uh... no. She's... um... at school... and-" Deadpool jumped out of his trashcan and pulled the filly out, holding her by her forelegs and swinging her a bit! "Don't worry about it! You're Applebloom's cousin around here!" "What!? You know A.B.?" "Hell yeah! We're friends!" "How... how'd you know I'm Babs?" "Easy! Your coat color, your mane color, the style of your mane, your freckles, and, as of right now, your cutie mark! Look at those scissors!!! And to think yours talent would be bullying." Her ears folded to the side and she slumped down a bit. "You heard about that?" "Yeah, but don't worry, I remember what it was like being both a victim and becoming the bully." He tussled her mane a bit "But you ponies are so cute when you're redeemed!!!" "Uh... thanks? How'd you get here?" "Roll the clip while I explain to her! Let's just say it happened after meeting an acquaintance that really makes me angry." For the ending, he lands in a trashcan, not the curve "You went through that!?" Babs asked, sitting on a table with Deadpool as they both ate Carrot dogs. "Eeyup!" Deadpool replied in his best Big Mac voice "Five minutes just before I came in to look for bits?" "Eeyup!" "Woah! Are you like part Alicorn or somethin'?" "Nah. Magic ain't my thing and flying's too cliche." "And the music was playing too?" "...I may have added that part in, but Kevin Bacon would've been proud. I'm not sure much with Kebola, though" "Kebola?" "That's another story." Good. We don't need to retell our events. I do prefer the Oscar winning, though! "What'cha gonna do here in Manehatten, though?" Babs asked "I'm thinking of being a stereotypical tourist and flash my camera at everything I see." "Like what?" Deadpool pulled a camera out and took a picture of Babs and some other ponies. They were blinded by the light and toppled over with the "Flash... Lights (lights)" bit from Kanye West's Flashing Lights playing. "Oh sweet Celestia! I blinded a kid!" "Deadpool!? Where are you!?" Deadpool picked up Babs. "I'm right here!" "Deadpool... I can't see anything!" "It's alright! I'm here! I-I'm such an idiot for that! Why? Why Luciano Pavarotti, WHY!?!?!?" "...Who?" Deadpool tightly hugged while the dramatic part Luciano Pavarotti's Vesti la Giubba played. You know, the part that's used as comedy & drama, including The Untouchables. Well, Babs regained her vision pretty quickly, hearing the music and just giving a questioned look. "It's alright... I'm here... Riposa in pace." "Uh... my sight is back, Deadpool." Deadpool lowered Babs, seeing her eyesight is back. "Oh, alright." He released Babs and got up. She got back right up. "You're very dramatic for someone who takes falling down a mountain pretty easy." "That's just because I'm great at acting and singing!" "I can tell. Maybe you should come to school with me, perhaps teach the kids a few things." "I can teach them more than that!" Don't you do it again, Mother f**ker You're no fun! "So you'll come!?" Babs asked "...Maybe." Deadpool replied, turning around. "But listen kid, I'm afraid this dynamic duo in now the dynamic Uno." "So... you're leaving?" "Yeah." "Oh... well.. it was fun, and I hope we-" "And I'll take that!" Deadpool snagged Babs bits from her. "What the-!?!?!? HEY!!! Those are my bits!!! You're not being fair!" Deadpool teleported onto a taxi cab's roof, now wearing a leather jacket and sported a greaser looking hair on his head. "Fairs are for tourists, kid! Consider this a free lesson in street suave from Canada's lovely Merc. See ya!" The cab moved ahead. Babs began her chase with Deadpool. "Hey!!! Wait!!! Those are my bits!!! I EARNED THOSE!!!" She cut off through a corner and stood right in front of the cab Deadpool was on. Deadpool simply teleported to another cab. If any of you have know where this is going, just replace that dog with Deadpool in his greaser outfit. "You want 'em? Come and get 'em! But I'm warnin' you: ♫One minute I'm in Central Park, Then I'm down on Delancey Street. From the Bow'ry to St Marks! There's a syncopated beat Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! I'm streetwise, I can improvise! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! I'm streetsmart! I've got New York City heart. Why should I worry? Why should I care? I may not have a dime, but I got street savoire faire. Why should I worry? Why should I care? It's just bebopulation, and I got street saviore faire. The rhythm of the city, But once you get it down, Then you can own this town, You can wear the crown! Why should I worry? Why should I care? I may not have a dime, But I got street savoire faire Why should I worry? Why should I care? It's just bebopulation, And I got street saviore faire♫" "♫Ev'rything goes, Ev'rything fits!♫" A bunch of mares sang as Deadpool was on the Piano. "♫They love me at the Chelsea, They adore me at the Ritz. Why should I worry? Why should I care? And even when I cross that line I got street savoire faire!♫ Synchronized dance!!!" As Deadpool said that, all the ponies followed Deadpool's suave dance-walk move, effectively blocking Babs, who wasn't brainwashed by his dancing. He would've gotten away scott free at the city's borders, but the Friendship train flattened Deadpool, looking like a mix between both ASDF Movie and those Final Destination movies. Everypony stopped and stared at the literal bloody mess that was Deadpool, flattened by the Friendship express train, effectively giving the front a splatter of red over it's pink & yellow painting. Babs arrived and nearly hurled at the sight, but nonetheless, walked to the corpse and slipped her hoof into his jacket pocket, taking back her bits. Deadpool grabbed her, making the filly scream in fear. "ZOMBIE!!!" She creamed "ZOMBIE!!!" "I ain't no zombie!!!" Deadpool yelled "I'm God Damn Dead Mother f***ing pool!! AND I LIKE TRAINS!!!" The train came back backwards, flattening Deadpool again and his arm removed, though still grabbing onto Bab's leg. The conductor came out and saw the mess of Deadpool. "Oh thank goodness!" He exclaimed "Don't worry folks! It's only Deadpool!" "DEADPOOL!?!?!? The crowd went into a panic and everyone ran back to the city, locking all their doors behind them and sealing Deadpool out. Babs, Deadpool, and the Codnuctor were all alone. "...What just happened?" Babs asked "Whenever Deadpool's around, trouble and chaos is bound to show up." The conductor answered. "Chaos with me!?" Deadpool replied, getting back up & fully healed (minus the arm) "Chaos happens here WITHOUT ME!!! Hell, remember when that Bug-Bear attack Ponyville!?" "You brought it with you, saying it's a panda named Po and you were knocked out in the train's car and ate all of the bananas! ALL THE BANANAS!!! Why!?!?!?" "Because I'm loyal to the New Lunar Republic, not the Solar Empire." Both ponies stared at Deadpool. "...Yeah... I'm goin' home." Babs said, tossing Deadpool's arm behind her. "Hold on!" Deadpool snagged Babs "The author forgot about this, but... SELFIE!!!" Another Selfie was taken. "You're weird! How is my cousin friends with you!?" "Because I gave her a weapon!" They both stared at each other for a few seconds. "...Yeah. I gotta get to my rents before they freak out. See ya later." "See YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! Soulja boy, tell 'em!" Babs ran away as Deadpool performed the other most hated song that always plays at dances. Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next?
White gurls be like: Pony #118- 121: Moon Dancer, Minuette, Twinkle Shine, and Lemon Hearts White gurls be like: Pony #118- 121: Moon Dancer, Minuette, Twinkle Shine, and Lemon Hearts Inside Canterlot, at what was a very unimpressive house, a unicorn mare with a cream coat and a mane that was red with a purple stripe was sleeping in her bed. It was night time, and all was quiet... too quiet. Some creaks were heard in her room, and she woke up, though still half asleep. She looked up from her bed, only to see what looked a bit of a red blur. She leviated her glasses & placed them over her eyes and turned on her lamp. She was greeted with the face of Deadpool. "WHAT ARE THOSE!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled, pointing at her glasses! She screamed and fell off her bed, shaken, but looked up: Deadpool was gone! "... I need to lay off the studying." She spoke to herself, shivering from that super frightful moment. She climbed back into her bed and rested her glasses, only to then be interrupted by loud banging. She looked right back up & placed her glasses on, seeing Deadpool bang two cooking pans together! "♫I didn't get no sleep cause of ya'll! Ya'll ain't gonna get no sleep 'cause of me!♫" Her eyes twitched at seeing this... strange thing's behavior. "...Luna... is this a nightmare?" Deadpool grabbed onto the unicorn, hugging her. "'Tis is not a nightmare! 'Tis is called a Fan-Fic! IT'S WORSE THAN REALITY!!!" She blinked and stared into the distance. "Who are you?" "A friend of Twilight's!" "...Twilight never told me about you." "I'm pretty new here. Name's Deadpool!" "...Deadpool!? You mean THE Deadpool!?" "Eeyup!" She screamed again, flailed out of her captor's grip, and ran away! Deadpool poppoed out of the door, seeing her run away "Run, b***h! Run!!!" She ran across Canterlot, ran until she landed at a familiar house! She banged on the door loudly! "Minuette!!! Minuette!!!" The door opened and a light blue uniucorn with a mane that looked like Toothpaste opened the door. "Oh! Hi Moon Dancer! what brings you here so late?" "Deadpool's here!!!" "...He's all over the place, sweetie." "NO!!! He's HERE here!!!" "Here here!? Where here, though!?" Moon Dancer's mouth dropped open and she backed up a bit. "What's wrong with you? And who's scratching my mane?" She turned around and gasped, seeing Deadpool brushing her mane with huge a toothbrush. "Brushie, Brushie, Brushie!!!" Deadpool sang to himself, lifting the toothbrush off her mane, only to see bits of her mane in it. "Darn it! I was hoping your mane was made out of toothpaste." Both mares screamed and ran for their life! "Wait! I floss too!!!" Both mares ran into Twilight's old home, blocking the entrance with a bookshelf! "What about Twinkle Shine and Lemon Hearts!?" Minuette asked "It's best for them to not get involved!" Moon Dancer answered "I don't want them to be terrified as us!" The lights turned on inside, cauisng both mares to jump and scream again! They turned and saw a unicorn mare with a white coat & pink mane, and the other being yellow & having a blue mane, both the same race & having the same mane. "Moon Dancer?" The white one asked "Minuette?" The other asked "What are you both doing here?" "What are YOU doing here!?" Moon Dancer asked, walking to them. "We just woke up here." the yellow answered. "It was really strange," the white added "We were just looking at the news on what's been happening when, in a puff of red smoke, we came here where you two came inside." "... Did you meet a human in a red suit?" Minuette asked "...No." "Oh thank goodness!" Moon Dancer replied, going up the stairs. "Perhaps we can hold off until-" "Hold on a second!" The yellow yelled "What's wrong, Lemon Hearts?" Minuette asked "...Was that piano there the whole time?" "Not that I know of." Twinkle Shine added. "I added it." Deadpool's voice answered. The group gasped and hugged each other. Deadpool appeared right behind the piano, sitting down. "Join me for the national white girl anthem!!!" He began to play the piano, which made it move, knocking the mares onto the piano, all holding on for dear life. He then knocked his head on the head turning part with a paper towel roll. "♫Making my way downtown, Walking fast, Faces pass, And I'm home bound. Staring blankly ahead, Just making my way Making a way Through the crowd. And I need you, And I miss you, And now I wonder.... If I could fall Into the sky, Do you think time Would pass me by? 'Cause you know I'd walk A thousand miles If I could Just see you... Tonight! It's always times like these When I think of you And I wonder If you ever Think of me. 'Cause everything's so wrong And I don't belong Living in your Precious memory. 'Cause I need you, And I miss you, And now I wonder.... If I could fall Into the sky Do you think time Would pass me by? 'Cause you know I'd walk A thousand miles If I could Just see you... Tonight♫ JOIN THE WHITE GIRL ANTHEM, LADIES!!!" The mares stared at Deadpool hesitantly, but they joined his... performance. "♫And I, I Don't want to let you know. I, I Drown in your memory. I, I Don't want to let this go. I, I Don't....♫" Deadpool and all the mares sang together now, all the mares now joining the anthem. "♫Making my way downtown Walking fast Faces pass And I'm home bound. Staring blankly ahead Just making my way Making a way Through the crowd. And I still need you, And I still miss you, And now I wonder.... If I could fall Into the sky Do you think time Would pass us by? 'Cause you know I'd walk A thousand miles If I could Just see you... If I could fall Into the sky Do you think time Would pass me by? 'Cause you know I'd walk A thousand miles If I could Just see you. If I could Just hold you... Tonight.♫" Their piano-car parked in front of Twilight's castle, just as the morning sun came into view. "...How'd you do that?" Moon Dancer asked "Magic and a lot of white girl knowledge." Deadpool answered "Plus, you were so much better than my LAST partners. "...I'm not gonna ask." Minuette commented, hoping off the piano. The doors opened and Twilight came out, yawning, but gasped, seeing her friends were here. "Moondancer," she checked off "Minuette, Twinkle Shine, and Lemond Drops!? What are you all doing here!?" "Just learning a song we can sing together with Deadpool." Twinkle answered "And he took us here." Lemon added. "SELFIE!!!" Deadpool yelled, grabbing all of Twilight's old friends together and taking a selfie with them all. "Now I must go! Destiny calls for me!!!" Deadpool walked away, but everypony stared at how Deadpool walked away. "...He is strange." Moon Dancer commented. "How did you meet him?" Twilight asked "He broke into my house and scared the pants off of me." "...What!?" "Let me explain inside." Twilight and her old friends walked inside the castle. Deadpool continued with his... weird walking. Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next? I apologize if you're a white girl and you're reading this. Just know that this is a comedy and it should't be taken so seriously. This isn't Stanley Kubrick's "Dr. Strangelove or：How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb."
Bouncy! Pony #122: Trouble shoesDeadpool fell from the sky as his balloons popped. He fell to the ground, obviously higher than he expected, and just waited... but he heard a voice. "HELP ME!!!" A woman screamed. Deadpool looked above and, falling right below him, was Domino! What's she doing here!? "Doing whatever the fanfic writer wants her to do!" Deadpool answered "And where the hell were you 2 during the white girl anthem?" You got him singing with Terry Crews. 'Cause I want you... and I need you! "Well enough of that! It's Saints Row 3 time!!! Skip to 4:54!!!" All gang members are more Hydra agents. Do: What the-!? Deadpool!? What's going on!? Where are we!? DP: Don't worry Babe! We're in Equestria! Wait... what's that! *Rest of scene* Deadpool and Domino landed in the desert town of Apploosa safely. Domino got out of Deadpool's arms and walked on the floor. "...Thanks for the rescue." She spoke "No problem!" Deadpool replied "But... next time... don't throw me when you're trying to kill a guy named 'Philippe'. That's my contract, not yours!" "No promises!!!" "...Well that is what the real Deadpool would say. Where are we, exactly?" "Equestria!" "Wait... you mean that land filled with magical ponies?" "Eeyup!" "... Are you sure?" She turned around, only to see Deadpool in a tigger costume "What are you-?" "I'm gonna meet another pony! A huge one for that matter! Join me!" "...Thanks, but I gotta-" Deadpool picked up Domino and bounced on a pogo stick! "WHEE!!! The greatest thing about tiggers is that I'm the only one, rabbit!" "Rabbit!?" She looked at herself and saw she was in a playboy bunny outfit. "What the-!? How'd you-?" "Don't question it, just roll with it... or bounce with me!!!" The two bounced to the tune of a familiar bear's theme. In the town of Apploosa, a huge gathering of rodeo clowns were around, one in particular stood out, as he was like a giant to the others, only added by his small hat. "LOOK OUT BELOW!!!" Deadpool yelled. All the clowns looked up and ran away, but the huge one was tackled by Deadpool, causing both to roll along the floor and crash into another barrel filled with water to cover the stallion's head. Domino walked next to Deadpool, now back in her regular outfit, and took Deadpool off. "What the hell is wrong with you!?" She asked "He just needed a hug." Deadpool replied, his eyes turning into hearts. "Who!?" "Troubleshoes!" "Who's Troubleshoes!?" "That guy!" Deadpool pointed. As soon as he said that, the stallion took the barrel off his head and let out a deep sigh. "Just my luck." he commented to himself. "~Great~" Domino commented "Now get me out of here so we can-" "No way!" Deadpool yelled "I'm gonna Red Dead this b***h!" "You're gonna-WHAT!?!?!?" Deadpool was in his cowboy costume again, as he had a lasso and tossed it around Troubleshoes' neck! "YES!!!" Deadpool cheered "8 bucks!!! Thanks random Mexican! And I have conquered the giant known as Troubleshoes!!!" "...Just my luck." Troubleshoes grumbled to himself again. Domino face palmed herself. "Why are you so random?" She asked "Because if I'm not, then who will!? After all, I have my own movie coming out!!!" "...You're getting your own movie?" "And it's not being made my Michael Bay!!! Can you believe it!? I won't get butt f**ked my American/Advertisement stuff!!!" "...what!?" "ROLL THE CLIP BEFORE FOX TAKES IT DOWN!!! "...what was that?" Domino asked "Me touching myself." Deadpool replied "What does that mean?" Troubleshoes asked "Nothing you should know, my huge stallion friend. Oh look! The people I killed!" Sure enough, all the Hydra agents Deadpool killed in the sky fell down from the sky, all their bodies leaving plenty of blood stains on the floor with satisfying sounds of their bones cracking and the painful scream of survivors. "TACO SQUAD!!! R63 ME!!!" Deadpool's taco squad came out of nowhere and made Deadpool look like a woman, with Discord turning Deadpool into his fabulous woman self with slight larger boobs, followed by himself turning himself into Femcord (or Eris, if you prefer.), followed by the single woman's beat with all of the falling & dying Hydra agents. Deadpool/Fempool Sonata Pinkie Discord/Eris. All. ♫It's raining men! Hallelujah, it's raining men! Amen!♫ I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna let myself get absolutely soaking wet! It's raining men, Hallelujah it's raining men, every specimen! Tall, blond, dark, and lean, rough and tough and strong and mean! God bless mother nature She's a single woman too She took for the Heaven And she did what she had to do She taught every angel to rearrange the sky And each and every woman could find her perfect guy! It's raining men, Hallelujah, it's raining men, Amen! It's raining men, Hallelujah, it's raining men, Amen! It's raining, it's raining, oh it's stormy! Domino stared at the Fempool and his/her Taco squad that appeared, causing one of her eyes to twitch wildly. "I'm in hell, aren't I?" Domino asked "No you're not!" Pinkie replied, hugging Domino from right behind. "We wuv new faces around here!" "Plus," Sonata added "just wait until it begins to rain tacos!" "Rain tacos!?" Domino asked. Discord/Eris snapped his/her claw and the clouds formed together, followed by tacos falling from the sky. The Sweetie Bot and R-Dash 5000 landed next to the group, now with Tacos in their eyes Domino screamed and ran away, not caring about the groaning & whimpering Hydra agents on the floor & bleeding out with the falling rain of tacos. "Wait!" Deadpool/Fempool yelled "Don't you want to give my girls a squeeze!?" He turned back into a man. "Oh... how about lil' pool? He needs a good tuggin'!" WHAT THE F**K!?!?!? What!? We just wanted her to pull out finger to see how much we've held in! Deadpool turned to Troubleshoes. "PULL MY FINGER!!!" Deadpool insisted. "...Will it free me?" The giant asked "Of course! You have my word." He sighed to himself "Only to avoid this nonsense." He pulled Deadpool's finger, not only ripping the finger right off, but also- Author's Note Why wasn't there a lot of Troubleshoes in this chapter? I guess the author was too busy jacking off to MLP stuff to work on this chapter well. SHUT UP!!! I don't do that!!! My birthday's coming, Ant-Man's coiming out, I'm avoiding the DC stuff right now, and I'm trying my best to get far away from Fan4stic as possible, okay!? ...what about us? Hey, I posted the trailer to your movies, TWICE!!! Hm... we will allow this excuse. But delete your history next time YOU SON OF A- Who should Deadpool meet next?
A nightmare on Pone Street. A nightmare on Pone Street. Yes, Chris Tucker, Deadpool was knocked the fug out, and, in his Dream, Luna still hasn't learned her private space and entered Deadpool's dream. Deadpool was busy sitting down on a fancy table, wearing a suit & tophat, sitting in front of... a pair of giant boobs with legs... holding his guns in between itself. "I call her squeaky!" He yelled. Luna flew in, but broke through a window, then she flew through & crashed through the wall with, very fittingly, Get Low playing, followed by various dogs, most humping each other and not caring what's going on. Luna got up and shook herself off. "Deadpool!" She exclaimed "You are not safe here anymore!!!" "I agree!" Luna paused and stared, tilting her head to the side. "You do?" "Yeah Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz are now here!!!" "No, Deadpool! This is much worst! I fear the you're going to have nightmares forever!" "Yeah, sure! Now where we're we?" Deadpool turned around to see 'Squeaky', only to be introduced with- "CENSOR IT!!!" Deadpool screamed! Luna blasted the Miley Cyrus penis away, leaving a very scarred Deadpool. "Are you alright?" Luna asked "...I knew she was a man... but I didn't want to see it!" "That was the first of your nightmares. More will come." "What's causing this!?" "The Tantibus has returned." "...But... didn't you get rid of it?" "I did, but somepony must've reminded me on what I did and brought it out. I thought I had it gone, but it's back, and I am sure you and I can stop it." "You and me?" "I... had a really weird dream with you. I won't say what happened, but it's something that I can tell you'd do." "Where's it now?" "...OVER THERE!!!" Deadpool hopped onto Luna's back, pulling out a Lightsaber. "Ride my Woona! To the Freddy Kreuger of MLP!!!" "...What?" "Just roll with it." Luna flapped her wings and chased after the Tantibus. Deadpool and Luna saw all the things Deadpool's Subconscious stored: past goals, past childhood memories, family & friends, and both Crazy & Stuffy. The two other forms of Deadpool grabbed onto Luna's tail, both holding on for life. WASSUP B***HES!!! Finally! We have a role! "Deadpool!" Luna yelled "Let them go! We need to catch the Tantibus!!!" "Sorry guys." Deadpool replied, standing and balancing on Luna's plot. "THIS IS SPARTA!!!" REMIX!!! After that... old meme... Luna fell to the floor, an almost perfect recreation of ponyville... but with more guns around than Boderlands 1, the Pre-sequel, and 2 have. "Why... are you... idiots?" Luna gasped "We're not idiots!" Deadpool replied We're Special!!! Both Deadpool jumped and froze like in 80's movies. Stuffy crossed his arms. You're both idiots. Just hope nopony comes around for the Tantiubus to haunt next At that moment, nearly everypony Deadpool meet came out, all now- FURRIES!!! You're into that type of stuff now? "What!?" Deadpool asked, his eyes shifting left & right "No! We're not into that type of stuff, remember?" "Then why did I change?" Luna asked, now an anthro herself. Deadpool sweated hard. "Uh... well... I... HEIL HITLER!!!" Deadpool pulled a pistol on himself and committed suicide! Deadpool awoke in one of Canterlot's guest rooms, lying on a bed. He got up and looked at his hand, seeing his hand still missing it's finger. "Great." He commented to himself. "Now I'm going to be like d*****bag Jason from Farcry 3." The door opened and Deadpool looked up, only to be greeted with a frying pan hitting him in the face. Deadpool found himself in Ponyville, where the ponies were themselves, but, as the dream from the episode, crazy s**t was happening. "Look what I have to do!" Luna proclaimed "I have to get everypony into one dream again!" NOW YOU F***KED UP!!! "Hey!" Deadpool yelled "It's not my fault! She thought of us! Plus, we can handle the Tantibus!" How? "... I don't want to do this... but we must." No! We can't! Didn't we agree that'd suck balls!? "We did! But... what choice do we have!? We must summon the performance that we and Ryan Reynalds hates!!!" Deadpool took a deep breath and breathed slowly. "TANTIBUS!!! I CHALLENGE THEE TO A DUEL!!!" The Tantibus landed next to Deadpool, growling at Deadpool! "Leave my ponies alone! Take on my worst fears if you want to, but know this: if you beat me, you can enter reality, but if I beat you, you go back into Luna's gut and whine like a little b***h!!!" The Tantibus roared at Deadpool, then started to form into the thing that Deadpool thought you and I have forgotten as an audience: MUTE-POOL!!! Deadpool puked under his mask, seeing the face that was going to try to be the new face of awesomeness, but luckily failed miserably! "He's ugly!" Deadpool yelled Ugly!!! UGLY!!! All three Deadpools pulled out their machine guns and fired at Mutepool! Mutepool shrugged the bullets out and extended it's Baraka bladed, readying it's eyes to fire it's laser! Deadpool ran away! "You distract him while I get out weapon!" We have a weapon? I believe I know what he's doing. The two Pools fought the fake mutepool, both pulling out their own swords and fighting against Fox's horrible beast next to Cancelling Futurama. "Quickly!" Twilight yelled "We gotta help... Deadpool's... clones?" We're his Id and Superego, though, I'm Stuffy, and he's Crazy. What choo sayin' Willis!? Wanna go Nite Nite N***a!? "...At least Stuffy wan'st lying." Rarity commented. "CHARGE!!!" Dashie yelled. Everypony charged at Mutepool! Mutepool pushed Stuffy & Crazy back, extended it's blades, and, awaited his enemies to come to him! Everypony lied on the floor, beaten & bruised with Mutepool standing victorious. "How did we lose?" Applejack asked "I have no idea!" Pinkie added "Not even Sonata and her taco army won." Sonata fell from a pile of tacos, eating one of her own taco minions. "They're so good!" She whined. Loud boomings were heard, shaking the floor and the ponies. "What is that!?" Twilight asked. Stuffy and Crazy stood up, both smiling. That's the mother f***ing T-Rex. The T-Rex let out it's most iconic and epic roar, one that made everypony tremble, seeing Deadpool on it's back, holding a Boom Box playing loud music! "WASSUP MOTHER F**KER!!!" Deadpool yelled "Meet my Mother f**king T-Rex!!!" The T-Rex roared with subtitles that read "I am Awesome!!!" Everypony ran away, as they knew this would get messy! Yeah! Eat that b***h that tried to take our spot! WTF IS THAT!? More booming came, and out came the Spinosaurus! The Spinosaurus came, and roared with the Subtitles "Remember me, Mother f***er?" Another roar came out of nowhere, and out, booming with American Jets & sponsorship to Mountain Dew & Doritos, came Grimlock from Michael Bay's Transformers, with Michael Bay on it's back. Grimlock roared again, but now with the Subtitles "Buy Coca-Cola!" "Who invited you over!?" Deadpool asked "Vengeance brought me back!" Michael Bay replied "That... and I want to make both an MLP movie for Ford and make your movie to sponsor Nike." "LIKE HELL YOU WILL!!!" "Wait!" The most epic movie voice spoke. Another roar, and the white I-Rex (probably made for Apple), came out with- "Jon Bailey!?" Everyone asked "That's right. The Epic movie voice guy from both Honest Trailer and Honest Game Trailer." Why are you here? You're not part of MLP or the Brony fandom "True, but this has Jurassic Park all over it, you're playing the Nostalgia Critic's 'I'm a mother f***ing T-Rex', Michael Bay is here with the piece of s**t one dimensional Grimlock from Trans4mers: The Splooging of the dong, and you, Deadpool, you have a movie coming out & you're against your piece of s**t self from the even bigger piece of s**t known as X-Men Origins: Wolverine that we're now glad doesn't exit thanks to Days of future past. Plus, I'm certain people will request us to do an Honest trailer for Equestria Girls 1 & 2, to which we may do before the third come out." Have you seen them or the show? "No, but that's where Netflix comes in." "So... are you with us or against us?" Deadpool asked "Considering I'm with pussy-saiurus and you're with the mother f**king T-Rex, it only makes sense that I team up with you, Deadpool." "Sweet!!!" "And if my Grimlock wins with the Spinosaurus," Michael Bay added "Then I get to make a movie with that lovely Deadpool that can't talk." "Oh F**k you!!! No one will see that!" "You will with the boobs and explosions." "Boobs and Explosions are half of the things I do! There's gunfire, jokes, and my friends from Marvel!" "Enough talk!" A goat like yell was heard. Everyone looked down. "Nostalgia Critic!?" Everyone asked "Shut up and Fight!!! I better not have a chapter in this awful fanfic!" "See you soon!" Deadpool replied All REAL Dinosaurs pounced on Michael Bay's Grimlock, killing his abomination and the directer himself. "NO!!!" The All-too-patriotic director yelled as he was ripped apart. "Why Mutepool!? We were allies! Like the English and French against the Germans & Russians like today!" Mutepool pulled out a sign that read 'Because you suck'. "Really?" Deadpool asked "I'm not sure if I should respect you now." "Don't." Jon Bailey simply said. "...Eh, you're right. DIE MOTHER F**KER, DIE MOTHER F**KER, DIE!!!" Deadpool pulled out his twin uzis and fired at both Mutepool and the Spinosaurus, making both flinch with pain! Crazy pulled out a bazooka and fired at the two, Stuffy pulled out the 'Merican Gun from Saints Row 4, and Jon Bailey stood there with his arms crossed. Aren'tyou gonna help us!? "I will." Jon replied "Let me handle this." The three pools stopped and Jon walked to Mutepool and the dead Spinosaurus. "Your movie sucks and you're not frightening at all." Mutepool burst open, exposing the tantibus, hearing it squeal. "Now go back into Luna and never come back." The Tantibus obeyed and went back into Luna, who had a wide, open mouth. "You can end this dream, Princess." "Wait!" Deadpool yelled, running to Jon "Please! Let me be with you for the day!" "I'm sorry, but your home is here, and you have a movie coming out. With great hope, Ryan Reynalds will bring honor back to you, and himself. But I promise, we will do an honest trailer on you, Deadpool." "And Equestria Girls?" "...Maybe, but not today." Jon dissapeared, and the dream ended. Deadpool woke up with an angered Celestia next to him. She swung the same frying pan but missed him. "Hold still!" Celestia growled "My sister need you to rid of the Tantibus!" "Halt!" Luna yelled. "Deadpool and some other human named... Jon Bailey, saved Equestria from the Tantibus!" "So it's gone?" "Yes, sister. Deadpool, we thank thee for saving Equestria, and we apologize for hurting you with our frying Pan." "I accept your apology," Deadpool replied "but the real man you have to thank for... is Jon Bailey!" Deadpool teared up a bit. "Thank you, Honest Trailer voice. May you and your voice go down in history." "...Are you crying?" Celestia asked "...Yes! Manly tears of epicness! Wherever he is, I know... he's looking down with his epic voice.... and he'll narrate me... along with Morgan Freeman." "Where did you get that child's bedsheet headpiece?" Luna asked. "It doesn't matter, Princess Mooncheeks, for I am... the Bat-pool!" Deadpool jumped off his bead and ran with an epic orchestra playing behind him! Epic Movie voice time! And Deadpool, in his stupid Batman-Wannabe-outfit, climbed to the top of the Canterlot catle and stretched his amrs & legs at the very top. He took a deep breath and, with a few steps, he ran, holding his cape in his arms, and glided among the streets of Canterlot! All the ponies below pointed and stared, half in fear with the other in laughter. Deadpool glided across the sky, looking down at everything below, feeling like he achieved the impossible! He glided across the mountains side, to Ponyville, where the town stared and wondered how he was gliding with something so small. But Deadpool knew one thing: this was SO much better than Arkham Knight's Batmobile shooting and driving by a LONG shot! He landed with no scratch, stood right up, stared into the sky, burning his eyes, then proceeded to yell the following. "MY EYES!!! WHY!?!?!? WHY DID I DO THAT!?!?!? I'M BLIND!!! MY EYES ARE BLEEDING!!!" I knew this would happen. That's why you do it at night, not the the morning, idiot. At least we're now voiced be Jon Bailey! Yo! I can say anything and get away with it! The Jared Leto Joker is the best joker, and I hope I can see him Naked throughout Suicide Squad! "F**K THAT MOVIE!!! It's us the people want, not DC!!!" Author's Note ...Where did I go with this? Check out Jon Bailey's channel! Why the T-rex? Why not!? Plus, Nostalgia Critic!!! Plus, Jon and the Critic together:
4000 VIEWS!!!HOLY S**T!!! What? Look at the number of views we have! ... HOLY S**T!!! I know! We have over 4000 views!!! But we're still gorwing, so maybe, by the end of this year, we can reach up to 5000 views!!!/color] This calls for a celebration dance! Hit it! Deadpool jumped out of the bed Twiight made for him, scaring the princess as he pulled out a boombox and played the song We Made it. Deadpool broke out of the castle's door, now wearing a pair of stylish shades, making everypony around jump back in surprise. "Wait a second!" Deadpool stopped, making the music scratch. "Yo! MrAquino! Can I have someone to celebrate with!?" ...Like who? "Someone I KNOW and am a GOOD friend with, who NEEDS me to save the future and s**t!" Hm... I know who you're talking about! "Good! Send him in! ...Wait! Can you make 'im a woman!?" Perhaps another time. "Oh man! I can't wait to meet his R63 self!!!" Another portal opened right next to Deadpool, and our Merc jumped up and down like my brother and I saw Ant-Man. "Hey! No Paul Rudd here!!! And no B-List Actors playing B-List Superheroes!" Oh, and you think you're an A-List with Ryan Reynalds? "[Too inappropriate for young viewers]" ...Ya done yet? "...Yeah... Bring Cable in." It's not Cable. "WHAT!?!?!?" "WHAT THE-!?" Another voice yelled. Deadpool turned to the portal, only to see red & blue, and was knocked to the floor. Both voices groaned as they got up, but stopped and stared at each other. Deadpool noticed the other person: it was another dude with what looked like the same red mask & white eyes as him, but the eyes looked a bit more menacing looking and there was a black pattern around that looked like a web. That's when it his him. "SPIDEY!!!" Deadpool hugged his near polar opposite best friend, Spider-Man. (Don't worry, it's neither Hipster Andrew Garfield nor Crybaby Toby McGuire.) "...DEADPOOL!?!?!?" Spider-Man pushed Deadpool off and took a few steps back, carefully examining Deadpool. "Spidey! What's up, man! Don't you remember your High School best friend, Deadpool!?" "We were never in High school together. And how do I know you're the real Deadpool and not a fake wannabe?" "Ha! Look at me! Look at how attractive I am compared to you! Need more? How about this?" Deadpool removed his mask, showing his face. "Ta-Da! Ain't I purty?" He put his mask back on. "...I guess you really are Deadpool... but I can't risk it! How did you and I meet each other?" "Easy! We were going to find Taskmaster in which I'd unalive him, I needed that thing to sell to some villain or goodguy group to be rich, and we had a fantasy battle! Man, your morality message hit me in the feels so bad, I cried for about a long periodically time." "Wait... you... learned from that?" "Sorta. As you can tell, my balls dropped, making me sound like Nolan North, and I used your lesson, changing it to "With great power comes great Irresponsibility"!" Spider-Man face palmed himself "Yep... that's Deadpool alright." Deadpool leaned to Spider-Man with miniature piano. "♫When you try your best but you don't succeed♫." Spider-Man gave an aqnnoyed look, but snickered. "I remember those vines you showed me." Deadpool's eyes widened. "You... you watched those things I sent you!?" Spider-Man blushed but shrugged his shoulders. "I won't lie, everything you sent me was funny." "Including the last one I sent?" "Before you disappeared?" Deadpool moved his eyebrows up & down. "Oh yeah! I did." "And you took the video's orders?" "Nope! I watched My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic!" "Aaand?" Spider-Man moved his eyebrows up & down "No! You're-" "Eeyup! You converted me into a being a Brony!" "That was... needed." Spider-Man commented "Oh, and where have you been all this time!?" "Here!" Deadpool replied. Spidey groaned in annoyance "And where is 'here'?" "Equestria!" Peter's eyes widened at Wade's answer. "...You mean THE Equestria and not the country in Africa?" "That's the one!" "Ha! I don't believe you! Show me the ponies!" Deadpool stared at Spider-Man for a few moments, then smirked, and pointed at him. "Girls! He knows how to get you a cutie mark!!!" "CUTIE MARK!?!?!?" Three familiar fillies exclaimed together. In a small (and very adorable) stampede, the Cutie Mark Crusaders tackled a very ticklish Spider-Man, who was rolling on the floor as the fillies tackled him, poking at his suit. Scootaloo stopped and stared at Spider-Man, who finally got his breath. "Deadpool?" Scoots asked "What's with the new get up? Are you trying to look more menacingly?" "And what's with the Spider?" Applebloom asked "Are ya'll trying to shoot webs outta ya'll flank?" "I love the blue, though." Sweetie Belle commented. "I'm right here." Deadpool spoke in an impatient tone. The fillies turned to Deadpool, then back to Peter, then back to Deadpool, and back, followed by screaming! They ran away and hid right behind Deadpool's legs, shivering & cowering in fear from Spider-Man. "...What's wrong with them?" Spider-Man asked "They should be fearing you, not me! It's not like-" He froze and his mind began to click: Deadpool's disappearance + Equestria= "You... You've been in Equetria all this time?" "Survey says!" Deadpool pointed to his Taco squad, each holding a checkmark above their heads (Though Fluffle Puff was eating hers) "CORRECT!!!" "What the-!? You've been causing chaos and being yourself here in Equestria!? Do you not realize what you're doing to the show!?" "Yeah! I've been doing it a service!" "Such as?" "This!" Deadpool pulled out the decapitated head of Tirek. "Another Deadpool!?" Tirek yelled "No! Not anymore!!! Please!!! Kill me!" Deadpool had on the bane mask "When Gotham city is in ashes, then you have my permission to die." Deadpool then football kicked Tirek's head away, sending him to who knows where. Spider-Man's left eye twitch, not even noticing Deadpool leaning on his right. "You know he deserves this." "...Deadpool." Spider-Man spoke, taking in a deep breath "What else have you done?" "This!" Deadpool took out his phone "All the selfies I took so far!" "Selfies!?" Spider-Man looked through Deadpool's pictures, seeing that he did take a selfie with nearly everypony in the show, but also some O.C.s "Wow... no kidding... this is what you've been doing?" "And plenty of singing that involves copying and pasting the same music note over & over again at the beginning & end of a part where we sing." "...singing?" "Like in the show!" "...I can't deny that." "And just look at how adorable they are! There's no way I wanna kill them!" "...Really!?" "Well... a few exceptions... but LOOK AT THEM!!!" He picked up Sweetie Belle like a kitten or puppy, turned, and showed her to Spider-Man "Look at adorable they are in real life!!!" Spider-Man stared at Sweetie Belle and vice versa. Deadpool walked towards Spider-Man and gently dropped Sweetie Belle into his arms. Spider-Man's eyes widened, but he held Sweetie Belle. "...Deadpool?" "Go on! Show how nice you are under those threatening looking eyes that say 'I wanna kill you!'." Both filly and human's eyes widened at his comment and awkwardly chuckled. Spider-Man lifted Sweetie Belle and looked at her face. Sweetie panicked a bit, but watched as Spider-Man carefully took his mask off, showing his real face known as Peter Parker. "Better?" "Uh... yeah." Sweetie replied with a blush & a small smile. Pater began to carefully pet Sweetie's mane, in which the unicorn flinched for a bit, but stopped and enjoyed his hands touching her hair. Deadpool grabbed onto his heart area and fell onto his back with a 'Hnng!'. Scootaloo and Applebloom walked next to Deadpool and kicked his body. "He ain't dead, is he?" Applebloom asked "Considering he shot himself in class and freaked us all out, I don't this'll get him." Scootaloo replied "He WHAT!?" Peter yelled. "He's done worse." Sweetie deadpanned. "Rightey there!" Deadpool yelled. He flipped himself back up, now holding Scootaloo and Applebloom in his arms. "I swear, the adorableness is such a double edge sword: it calms me down and lets me appreciate life even more, but I'm always caught off guard by their special talents and, well, violence here." "That's... surprisingly true." Peter replied "There Ya'll are!" Applejack's voice yelled. Wade and Peter turned, seeing the Mane 6 going towards them. "Ah Hope ya'll aint doing anything too crazy Deadpool and... Deadpool?" "I'm not Deadpool!" Peter replied "Of course you're not." Rarity replied "You're so much more adorable than Deadpool, Mister... um-" "I'm Spider-Man!" "...I don't get it." Rainbow Dash replied. "Give me a sec." He gently dropped Sweetie Belle and put on his mask. "Get it now?" "...You're scarier looking than Deadpool." Fluttershy commented. "HA!!!" Deadpool mocked "Ponies love me more!" "No they don't." Spider-Man replied "Guys," Twilight Sparkle began "please, we're not saying who's better, but we need to-" "I'm better!" Deadpool yelled "No!" Spider-Man yelled "I'm better!!!" "I'm better because people are more stoked for my film than your third piece of s**t Not-so-amazing Hipster-Man 3 and other Suicide Squad knockoff film!" "What are you even talking about!? You're a psycho who can't go two seconds without thinking about chimichangas!" "Did somepony say 'chimichangas'!?" Pinkie asked, looking around like Zoidberg when someone mentions food. Deadpool pulled a boombox out. "If we're gonna fight," Deadpool said "We better do it right!" "With music!?" Spider-Man asked "F**k yeah!" When the beat dropped, Deadpool pulled out his semi-auto pistol and fired at Peter. Spider-Man dodged the bullets, performing some backflips & spinning in the air, jumping back, and shot some web onto Deadpool's chest. He pulled himself & Deadpool closer, knocking Deadpool to the floor with a heavy ground pound with his feet, and kicking Deadpool in the sky, where he used his webs again to zip himself toward the merc and punch him across the face in the sky. Deadpool blocked his last punch and headbutted Spider-Man, grabbed Peter and made him crash into the floor! Deadpool then began to b***h slap Peter across the face! "That's for being first!" Deadpool began, naming off all of the sins the Spider-Man franchise did as they fell. "That's for lying about your origins! That's for Spider-Man Reign! That's for issue #545! That's for Sins past! That's for that cash-grab called "The Spider-Mobile"! That's for that 80's movie in Japan! That's for that Japaneese show! That's for the 60's show that took away my hilarity thanks to the internet! That's for looking like me! That's for crying over Uncle Ben every second in your original trilogy! That's for Spider-Man 3!!! That's for the Amazing Spider-Man movies!!! That's for having Andrew Garfield play as you! That's for not having Leonardo DiCaprio play as you! That's because I love you! That's because I hate you! That's because MrAquino says so! That's because I found out MrAquino used to worship you when your first movie came out! That's for redoing my slap scene from my videogame! And This *SLAP!* is *SLAP!* because *SLAP!* I *SLAP!* want *SLAP!* everyone *SLAP!* to *SLAP!* laugh!!!" Spider-Man laid on the floor, unconscious Everypony stared at the sight. "Don't worry," Deadpool replied "He's still alive. Need proof? Let's see how his Lokis are doing!" Deadpool kicked Spider-Man in the balls. Peter got up and screamed, holding his balls and groaned in pain. "...Deadpool?" Spider-Man groaned. Deadpool leaned towards Spider-Man. "What up, n***a?" Deadpool asked "...Were we fighting?" "Oh... okay. Where are we?" "PONY ATTACK!!!" Deadpool jumped out of the way as Pinkie tackled Spider-Man. "What the-!? Pinkie Pie!?" "Hi!" Pinkie replied. Spider-Man stared, then fainted. "Oh, he was fun, even if he did seem a bit of a knockoff to you, Deadpool." "Just like that Slade guy." Deadpool replied. A portal opened, ready to take Peter back. Deadpool grabbed Spider-Man and threw him into it. "CAPER TOSSED!!!" Spider-Man was thrown into the portal, and the portal closed. "So long... partner." "How are you both friends?" Twilight asked "Like this!" Deadpool is Sonic and Spider-Man is Shadow. Author's Note I was a huge fan of Spider-Man when I was young. Kinda wished I was still young, but I'm not stupid anymore. But I can tell, if I were in a middle row, I can think of Deadpool and Spider-Man doing the Numa Numa Dance. Also, I was a sonic fan as well. Thanks for the 4000+ views, guys! Please, share this with your friends, followers, and family (though last is an option). Also, since my Birthday is coming up, I might as well make it a special chapter that you guys make! Please, message me what you want to happen in the next chapter! Special characters, actions, or references are welcomed (though I may not know all, just saying). Enjoy and see ya'll after August 2nd!!!
Birthday!!!We join with Deadpool, who's... ugh... know what? F**k it! Today was a horrible day at work, I got really s***ty presents this year, and I need to do something great! For this chapter, I'm going to Equetria! This chapter's through MY perspective, so it's going to be in first person and I don't give a single F**K!!! Let's just do this! ♫Blue Skidoo, we can too!♫ Everything went dark for me, but I could hear the chirping of birds around me. A cloud moved out of the way and I was greeted with sunlight hitting my eyes. I groggily opened my eyes, seeing that I was no longer in my home anymore, but an open field. I stood right up and took a step forward, but fell immediately. I opened my eyes to see that my hands were now gone, but now white hooves like that of a workhorse with my legs being a light brown. I looked behind to see my wings flapping instinctively, showing me my flank with it's silver heart cutie mark, back legs that matched with my front legs, and a small & black tail. I stood right up and stretched myself as any dog would, hearing small cracks across my new pony body. Normally, I'd freak out about being a pony, and truth be told, I kinda was, but since I've been to Equestria before, right after Deadpool kicked me out of my home as the 100th pony, I might as well use this as a means to have fun from working on my own birthday. I won't lie: walking as a pony feels weird, but you'll soon get the hang of it. Think of it as bear crawling when it was P.E. during Kindergarten, but only forever, and your back doesn't stick out, but sticks in, and your head & neck are mor on your back rather than sticking out as our human bodies are built. In fact, the way I was walking, I swear music played and... of buck it Living in the sunlight!!! As I walked with the music behind me, several other ponies followed me, including... oh sweet Celestia! Twilight's next to me! Alright Kane, don't screw this up! I mean, it's her, you've meet each other, and you saved her life, so she's gotta- "IT'S YOU!!!" A nuisance interrupted me, making me jump. Oh... right... him. "Deadpool." I grumbled to myself "Of all the beings I want to meet here, it had to be you." "Eeyup! So what choo here for? Trying to Get Twilight say hat she wants the D?" "What!?" I blushed "No! Nothing like that?" "Ooh! Want to get any other mares to ride your little-" "NO!!! I came here to-" "I knew it! You're Gay as f**k!!! Want Big Mac with a side order of Braeburn's-" "HEY!!! STOP!!! THAT'S GAY!!!" At that moment, a blue orb appeared right between Deadpool and I. Electricity sparked from it, causing my mane to rise from the electricity, but I watched as a two figures began to form: one kneeling while the other one was sitting in something. "What is that!?" Twilight asked, taking a few steps back. "... I think I know who it is!" I exclaimed. Finally! Some people who can control Deadpool! First was Cable, Deadpool's best friend and advisor from the future. And in his floating wheelchair (also from the future) with the built in, smaller version of Cerebro was the man that looked WAY too similar to Patrick Stewart (And possibly sounded like him), Charles Xavier! I couldn't help it, but my wings opened with a 'pomf!', and I- "Ew! Wingboner!!!" Deadpool yelled. I shook myself back in reality, blushed at what I did, and did my best to put my wings back in their folded position. "Deadpool!" Cable yelled "There you are! We've been searching all over for you!" "Cable! Mr. Handicap Man! Where have you both been!?" "For the last time," Xavier said in annoyance with the same, awe inspiring voice of Stewart himself "I am Charles Xavier, better known as Professor Xavier or just Professor X." "Yeah yeah, what~ever! Not my fault you don't have a healing factor like me, or else you'd do this!" Deadpool then began to do the Kazotsky Kick, very surprisingly, with the same music. It was a faster infestation than on the TF2 servers, as nearly everypony, minus Twilight and myself, danced along with Deadpool. We stood next to Xavier and Cable, who had confused looks on their faces as we had, watching the Russian madness. Cable gave look a confused look as Xavier looked at me with an intrigued look. (By my size and how he's sitting, we're nearly face to face, and it doesn't take a guy like him to know that I'm fanboying the f**k out). Deadpool finished his Russian dance, but didn't see the four of us having a confused look, but rather, seeing Cable ruffle Twilight's mane into what looked liked it's anime self, and Xavier patting my mane as if I were a dog. (Oh man! Not only was i being petted by the leader of the X-Men, but Patrick Stewart himself!!! Now I can tell me kids what happened, all because-) "You made it to this land because you had to work on your birthday?" Xavier asked me. My eyes opened wide, my pupils shrunk, and I was frozen. He read my mind and he didn't notice!? "I know a lot of things that you don't know, Kane Aquino." Charles Xavier knows my name!!! "And I see you know mine as well." OH MAN!!! This is awesome, frightening, and weird all mixed together in one!!! Can you... scratch behind my right ear? "Sure thing." "Oh yeah." I spoke in complete bliss as Xavier scratched behind my right ear. "What about me!?" Deadpool asked. "You've been away for a while and you nearly DOOMED Earth with your disappearance!!!" Cable shouted in anger. "Really!? I always thought that with me around, I doomed earth multiple times." "You're the necessary evil." Charles replied. "So what you need me to do, Captain Picard?" I chuckled at his joke. "Apocalypse is arriving soon, and while Wolverine can take him down-" "Like in EVERY X-Men Movie!" "... We need you to help us defeat him." "Well it depends. Is it this Apocalypse?" He pulled out his phone to show us the different Apocalypses "Or this one that looks like a mix between Ivan Ooze & Mr.Freeze?" They both stared in confusion, but as for me, I saw what Deadpool meant, and I Laughed like Zim. They all stared at me laughing, causing me to wipe my tears away. "Sorry," I said "That was TOO funny." At that moment, another portal opened above us. "He's here!" Cable yelled, pulling his huge gun out. "Get out of here, Professor!" "Yeah!" Deadpool added, pushing Xavier out of his own chair. "I need this!" Deadpool sat in the floating chair and began to fly in it. "Wait!" Xavier pleaded "You can't leave me like this!" "Don't worry professor." I said "I'll help you out." I carefully levitated the prof onto my back (really light, by the way), feeling him grab onto my mane, and I ran ahead, my wings flapping in instinct, though I never flew. Twilight ran next to me. "Xavier?" Twilight asked "Who is this Apocalypse fellow and what can we do to stop him?" "Apocalypse is an ancient mutant born with a variety of superhuman abilities, further augmented himself after merging with Celestial technology." I answered before Charles could. "He has total control over the molecules of his body, enabling him to alter his form as it suits him such as allowing his body to become extremely malleable and flexible or change its size, enhance his physical abilities, transform his limbs into weapons, wings, or jets, regenerate from fatal injuries, adapt his body to apparently any disease or hostile environment, and give himself virtually any physical superhuman power. He's also able to project and absorb energy, and has displayed telepathy and telekinesis. Apocalypse is also capable of technopathy, able to directly interface with the various technologies he has at his disposal. Thanks to the aid of his mutant abilities, special "regeneration" chambers and changing bodies, Apocalypse has made himself effectively immortal. Aside from his superhuman powers, Apocalypse is extraordinarily intelligent; a scientific genius with knowledge in various areas of science and technology including physics, engineering, genetics, and biology, all of which are more advanced than conventional science. Apocalypse has knowledge of Celestial technology that he uses for his own applications, such as altering mutants or humans. Apocalypse is also a skilled demagogue and a master strategist." We went inside Cheerilee's school, empty for it was a weekend, where Xavier and Twilight went silent. I carefully placed Xavier onto Cheereilee's desk, where he gave me a confused look. "How do you know this stuff?" He asked "That? Oh... uh... well... you see... I-" "Show my your mind." "WHAT!?" "You have a special ability with you, and there's a lot going on through your brain. Please, allow me to enter; I will force my way if I have to." I sweated really hard, but, knowing this was Charles, maybe he would realize that he was from a comic book world, meant to portray civil rights in a way. I took a deep breath and allowed Xavier to enter my mind, in which it didn't feel like much, but then again, I never had anyone enter my brain before. The roof tore open above us, making Xavier stop and Twilight to hide underneath a desk. I looked up to see what was three silhouettes of something that looked human, but not really. The three figures charged at me, and I flinched, unsure if I was going to be hurt. Then, I heard sweet, innocent little girls giggling. I opened my eyes, feeling and seeing not just any little girls, but the Powerpuff girls! "Whee!" Bubbles cheered "A pony!" "Look at his glasses!" Blossom exclaimed, taking my glasses off and looking through them "He must be really smart!" "Smart!?" Buttercup asked "Look at huge he is! He must be really tough!" I stood for a solid minute as the triplets did whatever they wanted to me that didn't result in pain. "Uh... hello?" I spoke. They all gasped at me, flying away and regrouping. "It can talk!?" They all asked in unison. "...Yes, I can talk." They all gasped again "LET'S KEEP HIM!!!" Bubbles exclaimed "Hold on! What about my rights!? Is there any way you'll be fair about this!?" "We got one!" Buttercup replied "A five second head start. Starting... NOW!!!" My wings flared and I flew away! I saw, right below, both Deadpool and Cable fighting against, luckily, the TRUE Apocalypse, but I knew what I had to do. If I'm guessing right, the CMC should be in their clubhouse right now. I turned to fly to Sweet Apple Acres, but I soon heard the famous zooming noise the PPGs made. Turning behind, I saw the streak of blue, pink, and green heading my way. Now, I knew it was now or never! I flapped my wings harder to get to the CMC's clubhouse! The PPG's were getting much closer... closer... closer... TOO CLOSE!!! "PONY!!!" Bubbles yelled as she tackled me out of the sky! I fell to the floor, and everything was in slow motion, as I was only a few feet from the CMC's clubhouse. I struggled to get away from the little girl's grip, but her superhuman strength made it much more difficult. Buttercup and Blossom landed near me and helped Bubbles drag me away. Now, as like any cartoon would do, I bit into the floor below (delicious grass, by the way) and held on for dear life, using my front hooves to drag me forward, though I didn't go anywhere. "Come... on!" Buttercup yelled "I'm sure... the professor... wouldn't mind... you!" Blossom added. "And you're adorable!" Bubbles finished. I held on for dear life, but then I remembered one thing: I'm an Alicorn! Duh! I concentrated my horn and, in a few seconds, I teleported myself away! I awoke myself in an almost pitch black room, where I swear I heard water dripping. I tried to make out if there was any light around, but instead, I stumbled against a wall, feeling something that felt like statues, but squished with some liquid hitting my face. The door opened, and it looked like Fluttershy stood there. "Oh thank Celestia." I said to myself. "Fluttershy! I'm so glad that-" "Y'er in my shed." A weird, Fat Albert sounding voice said. I froze and slowly realized who was at the door. The lights turned on, and on the walls, were small woodland creatures skinned with their skeletons showing. The figure in front of me was Fluttershy, but it wasn't the one from the show, but it was HotDiggedyDemon's Fluttershy from the Pony.Mov series! "Oh... this is... your shed? I'm sorry, I was...uh.... practicing... my teleportation... and... uh-" The sound of a chainsaw stopped me. "What I tell ya'll about coming IN MY SHED!?!?!?" "OH SHIT!!!" I yelled. She sung her chainsaw to decapitate me, but I quickly ducked, losing a bit of my mane. I then concentrated on my horn again and teleported outside. I turned to see the other FLutterhsy turn around, revved up her chainsaw again, and began to run after me! I screamed like a girl and ran as fast as my legs can carry me, looking like something out of a horror movie! I looked above me, seeing another portal opening. Out of the portal came the most gayest thing that caused me to stop and the Pony.Mov Fluttershy to stop: the Gay vampires & Werewolves from the awful Twilight books. "I will always love you." Said the head gay vampire. "I will love you too." Replied the plank of wood with no emotion, Kristen Stewart. "That's my girl." The shaved Lama spoke. "Oh god!" I yelled. "Bring in E-MO-TION!!!" I turned to the .Mov Fluttershy "Have fun killing them." "Yer they in my shed?" she asked "...Yeah. Plus, there's a lama with them!" "COME HERE LITTLE ONES!!!" She jumped at them and started to slice them with her chainsaw! Blood spewed everywhere, but even then, they didn't scream at all, but sound bored while being massacred by a pegasus with a chainsaw! She stopped as only their skulls were left: Edward's having a lack of vampire teeth, Jacob for being a literal lama skull, and Kristen, who's skull didn't smile at all! Flutterhsy turned to me and, after a few moments of starring, revved up her chainsaw again. Run. I ran all the way back to Ponyville, still being chased by the Pony.Mov Fluttershy, seeing the Cutie Mark Crusaders in front of me. The CMC were in their wagon as Scootaloo pulled it, and I jumped into the wagon. "What in Tarnation!?" Applebloom yelled "Get off our Wagon!" Sweetie Belle yelled, trying to push me off. "Sorry girls," I said, my horn glowing and taking Scootaloo off her scooter. "But I gotta survive!" I jumped onto Scoot's scooter and began to make my escape. "My Scooter!" Scootaloo yelled. She bit onto my tail and held on, causing the wagon to be pulled with me! I turned to see her biting onto my tail, but I was more concerned with the .Mov Fluttershy than these girls. Turning, I saw the PPG's ahead of me, crossing their arms with an impatient look. I freaked out and turned to the left, heading into an alleyway, seeing Deadpool & Cable fight Apocalypse in the distance. The sound of the PPG were right above me, and the sound of Fluttershy's chainsaw were right behind me, followed by her "STAY OUTTA MY SHED!!!". I freaked out, unsure what to do at all, until... I heard it. Bonnie Tyler's I need a hero. "Enough talk," I said to myself "Time for action!" The music made me go faster than what I thought I could do, and everything around me turned slow. I headed straight towards the fight, taking the CMC off and throwing the wagon at Apocalypse! This stunned him, allowing Deadpool to jump and stab him the back multiple times! "Staby! Staby!" Deadpool yelled. "Wade!" Cable yelled "Together!" "Got it!" Deadpool teleported next to Cable and pulled his Semi-Autos out as Cable charged his huge beam rifle. My Horn glowed as I stood next to the two, joining in their fight! Twilight appeared next to me with Charles Xavier in his floating wheel chair! Charles turned around and Controlled the mind of the Pony.Mov Fluttershy. The PPG flew right above us, not saying any words, but charged their eyes. "FIRE!!!" I yelled! Together, in a barrage of lasers like Megaman's final smash, we annihilated Apocalypse! A portal opened right behind him, as Apocalypse dragged himself away. "This... is not over." He said as he entered the portal. I was going to cheer, but stopped as I saw the PPG landing near me, giving me a death glare. Without looking away, I levitated the CMC in front of me. Immediately (and very lucky), the PPG's dawed at the CMC, Blossom holding Applebloom, Bubbles with Sweetie Belle, and Buttercup with Scootaloo. I turned to see the .Mov Fluttershy, breathing like a maniac and still holding her chains saw. She revved it up, but nothing happened. "...DAMMIT!!!" She yelled "I'm outta fuel! I'll get you next time! Stay outta my shed!" And she ran away. I took a deep breath, feeling much better now, only to be hit with the skulls of Kristen Stewart, Edward, and the Lama. Xavier floated over to me. "Now," he said "about your mind." "Go ahead." I simply said. The best way to describe having Xavier in your mind and walking your mind is similar to the Celestia Ballad, but with some Inside-Out mixed as in what you're into, no little people though. And I must say, walking next to Xavier inside your mind is something you HAVE to do before you die! Not a lot was said, but let's just say he knows all things there is to know about me, both good and bad. Exiting is weird, but harmless; it's like waking up from a sleep, though you still remember your dream very well. "You really are special." "Uh... sir?" Twilight asked. I turned to see Twilight. "Yeah?" I replied "I was just wondering... well... what happened... and where you found that... other Fluttershy." "It's a weird and long story." "I see." We both stared at each other for a few seconds, then slowly extended our necks to each other. We stopped as we heard some snapping. Turning, we saw Deadpool, Cable, and the Taco squad together dressed up as if they were from the 50's. Then, as I remembered from How I Meet Your Mother, they began to perform "For the Longest time". We looked at each other, closed our eyes, leaned in... and kissed. In my head, I could see the two of us together dancing to the song the Taco squad were singing in the dance scene from Back to the Future, perhaps with Marty McFly in there as well. As soon as they stopped, we released each other from our kiss. "That... was perfect." "That was my first kiss ever." "Same thing here. Y'know, this sounds crazy, but I may not be from this world, but I wanna be with you as long as I live." "We're Alicorns, silly. We're never gonna age as fast as everypony else." "Yeah, and... Twilight?" "Yes?" "I... You... I don't know what to say, but-" the sound of a chainsaw revving up stopped me. "I FOUND FUEL!!! STAY OUTTA MY SHED!!!" Oh great. "I gotta go!" I ran away to what was a painting of my living room sitting on the floor. I looked back, seeing a Sad Twilight, but she jumped back as she saw the Pony.Mov Fluttershy running at me, swinging her chainsaw around! "♫Blue Skeedo, We can too!♫" And, just like Blue's Clues, I was back home. Well... it was fun, but-OH SHIT! WORK!!! Hey! How come he gets to swear!? He's real and we're not. Wait... so we aren't real at all? Yep. We're a figment of one's imagination? Yeah And there's nothing we can do about it? That's the point. Wha-What are we gonna do!? ... wanna sing Queen? Oh S**T! Let's do it! And mix it up with Daft Punk! What!? You can't- Hit it!!! Author's Note I now know the feeling, Rainbow Dash. So much craziness!!! if you see a skull, it looks like it's smiling. Kristen Stewart's skull doesn't.
Beware the Fox.As Deadpool laid on the floor, wasted AF on the bed in his house, he suddenly awoke when, in the real life, thousands of people groaned. He woke up with Sonata and Pinkie on his lap, but under his mask, he was flipping out. "Oh s**t!" He yelled, trying his best be be quick & gentle to remove the pony & siren. "Oh s**t! S**tS**tS**tS**tS**tS**t!!!" He ran to the front door and opened it, seeing another portal opening up and dropping four people: a white guy, a white chick, a black dude, and a rock. "F**K ME!!!" What is it!? It's the Fantastic 4. Really? Well... with Jessica Alba, we can have naked and hope she doesn't- This is the reboot. OH HELL NAH!!! Exactly. There's only 1 thing we have to do now! If it involves murder... then I'll allow it. Deadpool pulled out his swords, readied his pistols, cocked his sniper rifle, and took a bite out a fried chicken leg. "Let's be the bad guys for this moment." Deadpool said to himself. A representative of Fox walked next to him. Deadpool walked into the everfree forest, seeing the Fant4stic just walking around aimlessly as they do, waiting for the money to roll in and make a sequel. "I want a sequel!" Deadpool yelled. Same thing here, but Ryan Reynolds won't be doing any superhero stuff for a while. "Ugh... fine. Now, how shall we get ride of them?" Oh! Let's lure the black one with stuff he likes!!! That's Racist! With him being the human torch and the movie being a piece of s**t, I don't give a F**K! The Fant4stic walked around, not doing anything superhero related like, well, DOING ANYTHING!!! "How'd we get here?" Not-Groot asked "We were pulled in through a portal." The Not-Smart Reed Richards replied. "How are we going to get out of here?" Adopted Storm asked. "We'll find a way. Johnny, I need you to-" "WATERM-E-LONE!!!" The black stereotype yelled, running away. Okay!!! THAT is racist as f**k! Wait until he gets to the end! Light Skin Johnny into the wood, following the rolling Watermelon, going into an opening as he saw, on a stool, was a bucket of fried chicken, a pitcher filled with Kool-aid, grape soda, a pair of fresh J's, and a hot white woman with a big butt. "Oh yeah!" Johnny said, oblivious to the super racist scene that Deadpool made and not me, walking into middle. As soon as he got to the middle, and ground broke, and he fell into a small pond. "Help! I can't swim!!!" Dogs surrounded the hole he fell in & barked at him and Deadpool walked to the hole, wearing... no! Don't! "What!?" he asked "I'm a ghost! Black people freak out at supernatural activities better than white people, right?" You're dressed up as a member of the KKK! "...So? It works!" We're gonna get an M rating, aren't we? "I hope so!" ...No. Wear this; it's less racist and you fit the roll. "...Fine! I'll put on your stupid cowboy outfit." Deadpool in his cowboy outfit looked down the hole, where Johnny kept squirming on how he can't swim. "Lookey what we got here!" Deadpool announced in a cowboy accent "If it ain't Johnny storm of the Fant4stic." "It's the Fantastic 4!" Johnny replied, still splashing. "And who are you!?" "Who am I? I'm the guy that's gonna make more money than your piece of s**t movie! I'm the one who's going to have billions of people screaming for a sequel than your film! I'm the guy who's going to prove Comic Book movies can be fun and can do anything they want as long as they're loyal to source material! The name's Deadpool, and now, Rest in peace." "What!!! No!!!" "Enjoy the music as you drown in there." Deadpool pulled the top part of the hole and covered it, as a remix of the saw theme, obviously hoping the beat would make Johnny turn up to make himself drown. "One down," Deadpool siad to himself "Three to go!" Wait. Can't Johnny fly out of there? Deadpool froze. "...You're right." Deadpool said. "But just to be safe!" Deadpool pulled out the Holy Hand grenade. "O LORD, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy." He pulled the clip, opened the hole a bit to hear Johnny still screaming, and dropped the grenade in the hole with the man of fire. In a few seconds, an explosion was heard. "...To the Fant3stic!" A small explosion was heard as the rest of the three heroes STILL DID NOTHING!!! "What was that?" Orange rock asked. "An explosion?" Not Jessica Alba asked "We better not get involved with it." Lazy leader said. "I beg to differ!" Deadpool announced himself. He teleported into the middle with two rocks in his hand. "What the-!?" The nude man yelled "Who are you!" "...I'm your second worst nightmare!" He began to tap the rocks together, repeating Martin Garrix's Animals like how Agnes did in Despicable Me. In a few short seconds, the floor rumbled, and out of the forest, Maud leaped out and landed near Deadpool. It didn't even take her a second to see the CGI abomination. "THE THING!!!" She screamed, smiling like how Pinkie did with the Grand Galloping Gala tickets. She tackled the Not-Thing, and both rolled away, as the Grimm guy screamed. Both Mrs. Not-So-Fantastic and the see through woman readied themselves for a fight. "Johnny!" Stretch Armstrong yelled "Johnny's dead." Deadpool simply said. "What!?" The woman yelled "Y-you-" "Yes. I killed your brother from another mother." "Y-You B*****D!!!" She charged at him, summoning a Force field around her. Deadpool teleported into her force field, held her by the back of her air, removed his mask, and kissed her! She struggled to get out, but, for some weird reason, she stopped and began to moan. They stopped their kiss and looked at each other. "What was that?" "Kiss of Death, baby." "What do you-?" She looked down to see a knife deep into her stomach. "You... stabbed me?" "NOPE!!!" Deadpool teleported a few feet away and pressed a detonator. Her entire top half (minus the legs) exploded!!! "That was a knife with C4 in it!" "Susan!" Long arm man yelled. "You'll pay for this!" Deadpool teleported to him, but did the splits. And, just like that, he was dead. Deadpool stood, seeing what he did. You murdered all of them in cold blood. What do we do? "...Celebrate!" Deadpool yelled. He started to dance to the song Celebration from Kool & the Gang, celebrating the fact that he murdered these superheroes in their latest piece of s**t that had little fun and too much exposition for a sequel. Author's Note Fant4stic REALLY sucks. Apologies for that part with Johnny. Deadpool insisted after we watched one too many vines.
When your squad is on point.In the north, way past the Crystal Empire, laid the home of the Yaks, Yak-yakinstan. The village was relatively peaceful... at least outside, as inside nearly all of the buildings, the yaks brawled with each other, destroying everything in sight, though they really enjoyed it. Inside a bar, another fight was happening with some yaks being thrown out of the windows. They all stopped when the door to the bar opened, and Deadpool, still in that cowboy outfit with an added scarf, entered... though he jumped up & down as he entered, rubbing his arms quickly from the cold. "That was colder than I expected!" He said to himself, his voice now squeaky sounding. "Aw great! My balls shrunk!" All of the yaks stared at him. Deadpool walked through the crowd, heading to the booth where a lone yak was at, serving what may be yak beer. Deadpool sat on the booth chair, though looking around, seeing the other yaks giving him the evil eye. He turned to the bartender. "Do you have anything warm?" "Yaks hate warm drinks!" The bartender yelled "Warm drinks make yaks weak!!!" "....Then do you have anything like... water?" "YAKS NO DRINK WATER!!! WATER MAKES YAKS WEAK!!!" "Okay! Sheesh! Then can I have your most biggest, strongest, and cheapest drink?" The yak stared at him for a few moments, then pulled out a whole barrel. "This biggest, strongest, and cheapest drink." "SWEET!!!" Deadpool picked up the barrel and started to chug it. All the Yaks stared and showed their eyes in surprise, as not only Deadpool was smaller than them, but he chugging a whole barrel by himself with no help needed at all! In a few moments, Deadpool tossed the empty barrel out. "Oh man! That was so good! A bit hairy, but otherwise, delicious!" "You drank all Yak beer!" One of the yaks yelled "That was last barrel!" "You small and should've fell!" "Looks can be deceiving!" Deadpool announced, turning around and seeing every yak inside, making a face that were clearly p***ed off. "What? College students would cheer on it." "YAKS SMASH!!!" All the yaks yelled, shaking the place! "Smash!? I'm a dude! The only things you smash are women!" All the yaks came closer, lowering their horns down, ready to battle against Deadpool. We can kick their a**es!!! We can't. Why not!? Considering we're outnumbered by them and, unlike the changelings, these yaks give Big Mac a run for his money and will not be fooled by some pop culture reference. Then what do we do!? ... just go to your happy place. A large, green portal opened right above Deadpool, causing the yaks to back up. Out of the Portal came four recognizable figures that he knew really well! A woman, a kid, a decapitated head, and a dog, all dressed up & looking like Deadpool himself "The... The Deadpool corps!?" Deadpool asked, his eyes widening with hearts all around him. "Who else would it be, Wade?" The female asked. "Wanda!!!" "Where have you been!?" the boy asked "With your disappearance, Headpool had to be in the closet!" "I ain't gay!" The head yelled "He had to literally lock me in the closet because I couldn't get my chimichangas!!!" "*Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.*" The Dog barked. "You know I don't speak Italian!" Deadpool replied to the dog. "What's happening!?" One of the yaks yelled "Who does tiny man have tinier friends!?" Another asked. "...Yaks!?" All the other pools asked "It's a long story." Deadpool replied, then he turned to the yaks. "As for my 'tiny' friends here, we're a team of different pools from different dimensions, banded together to save all dimensions from even greater evils! We have Lady Deadpool: the super hot female version of me with a less than ugly mug like me. Kidpool: the smaller, much younger version of myself that still needs to learn to eat his veggies; Headpool: The decapitated head of my zombie self that ocasionally tries to bite us, only to learn he can't move at all; and last, but not least, Dogpool: A fluffly, cute version of myself that's- STOP HUMPING MY LEG!!! Together, we are the Deadpool Corps!!! POSE!!!" All of the yaks stood there, some coughing while other just let out a 'huh?'. "...We're a squad that kicks ass." Kidpool summed it up. "... YAKS SMASH!!!" "Now you f**ked up!" Lady Deadpool said, slapping Kidpool in the back of his head. "Boom box!" Headpool yelled. Dogpool pulled a boombox and pressed the play button, but LxrdJaay's gay song play. Deadpool screamed and pressed the next button, and DMX's X Gon Give it to Ya played. They all jammed to the song, but as soon as the first 'X Gon gie it to ya' played, both Deadpool and his female counter part grabbed a stool chair and slammed it across a yak's face! Kidpool grabbed Headpool and threw him at one of the yaks, where Headpool bit onto one of the yak's horns, causing that yak to panic and run around in a state of panic. Both Kidpool and Dogpool charged at another yak, Kidpool using a stool chair as a weapon while Dogpool bit into the Yak's leg! Deadpool leaned and grabbed a yak by it's hind legs and Lady Deadpool performed a back kick and knocking the yak out. She flipped in the air, jumping over a charging yak & landing on it's back, but pulled onto it's horns, making the yak fall onto it's back. Deadpool jumped into the air and piledrove into the gut of the yak, knocking it out. He teleported next to Kidpool and Dogpool, Kidpool threw the bar stool to Deadpool, in which he caught it and did an uppercut with it, making the yak stand on it's hind legs. Kidpool then charged & slid in between the yak's legs, prepared his legs, and kicked the yak in it's balls, making the yak cream with agony. Kidpool jumped into the air and ran across the yak's dumb heads, seeing, landing on where Headpool was at. He grabbed Headpool and tossed it to Deadpool, just before he grabbed onto the yak's horns and suplexed it, making the yak fall onto it's side and trip over other yaks. Deadpool grabbed another bar stool, held it with both of his hands and, with Headpool coming towards him, he swung it like a baseball bat, making Headpool bounce everywhere as if he were a pinball machine. Lady Deadpool kicked a yak in the balls, making the yak flinch in pain, but was promptly headbutted by Headpool going as faster than Sonic's downfall. Dogpool ran ahead and Lady Deadpool leaned backwards, making her body a ramp for Dogpool, who also used her boobs as a boost as he leaped onto another Yak's face, grabbing it by it's horns. Lady Deadpool stood right back up, messed with her boobs to see if nothing was wrong, then teleported up into the air, breaking a chandelier hanging above the yak Dogpool was busy with. She teleported to an opening and whistled for the mutt, to which it stopped with it's ears perking and ran to her. The Yak was slow to realize, but the chandelier fell and knocked out the yak. All the remaining yaks, whether they actually fought or not, panicked and ran out of the bar, leaving the Deadpool corps alone in a more than destroyed bar with piles of knocked out yaks across the floor and only a table in the middle with four chairs for them. "Suck it Batman!!!" Deadpool yelled. They all sat down on their chair own chair (though Headpool had to be placed in the middle of the table), seeing the destruction they caused. "So what's going on?" Lady Deadpool asked. "Yeah!" Headpool agreed "Where have you been all this time!?" "And what's been happening around here." Kidpool added. "*There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you*." Dogpool barked. "Now that's racist!" Deadpool pointed at Dogpool. "As for the rest of you, well, it's a long tale, and I'm certain the prince of this land is coming here real soon, so I might as well tell everything through one thing: Interpretative Dancing!!!" Deadpool pulled out the boombox, pressed the play button, and began to do his dancing with a familiar remix of a Nintendo license. Everything was explained through this dancing, which if I were tell you this, it'd take about a week longer than usual to make it. The door crashed and the prince of the yaks entered. "Who dares to hurt yak civilians!!!" He yelled, but paused as the place was surrounded with bombs and the Deadpool corpse threw the final yak out of a window. "Sorry your majesty," Deadpool spoke "but next time, be SPECIFIC with your stuff and not make it as vague as f**k! Deadpool Corpse, AWAY!!!" The Deadpool corps landed back into Ponyville, where Twilight & her friends saw them land. "What the-!?" Dash yelled "Deadpool!?" "That's right!" Deadpool replied "Along with my family!" "FAMILY!?!?!?" Eveypony yelled. Everyone got up (minus headpool) and posed. "Family, meet the mane 6! Mane 6, meet my-" "PONIES!!!" the Deadpool corpse yelled, all but Headpool running ahead and grabbing onto a pony and snuggling with them. Though said ponies struggled to free themselves, they gave up and, soon enough, enjoyed the snuggle. "Well... now the new adventures have begun." COMING SOON: DEADPOOL AND FAMILY IN EQUESTRIA!!!
Pitch Perfect: Ponies # 123, 124, and 125: Toe Tapper, Torch Song, and ZipporwhillIt was a bright day in Ponyville, as Celestia's sun rose again over Ponyville. In a house, trash was around as inside, the Deadpool corps was doing something for one of their own members. After many hours of work (though just one), and placing Headpool in a jar of liquid to stop his face from decomposing even faster, it was finished: a robot body for Headpool! "We did it!" Deadpool cheered "And all we had to do was collect a certain robot's body!" Kidpool cheered. "If only I could kiss you!" Lady Deadpool added. "Well you can bite my shiny metal ass!" Headpool replied, turning and pointing at his butt. Everyone laughed at the joke, except for Dogpool, since he's a stupid mutt. That's racist. Anyways, the door rang. "I'll get it!" Headpool announced. He ran to the door and answered it, only to be meet face-to-face with Fluttershy and Discord. The pegasus screamed and ran away, dropping some papers on the floor. Deadpool pushed headpool out of the way. "Discord!" Deadpool yelled "What up, Dog!?" "Who was that!?" Discord asked "Him? He's me from another dimension!" "...I see." "So what are you here for?" "Oh, yes. Fluttershy and I wanted to know if you'd like to join the Ponytones." "You're with the Ponytones?" "Of course not! I'm just there for Fluttershy's support. Lovely singing voice, though not so much about the group." "Not a team player?" "Of course not! Just not comfortable around them is all. Kinda want to crash their performance tonight." "They're performing!?" "For the annual animal charity event tonight." Silence was heard, but both Discord and Deadpool snickered to themselves in an evil way. "Guys night out?" "You have other guys?" "Oh yeah!" Everypony attended the animal charity, as some ponies found a pet that suited them, but a majority of them were at the stage where Big Mac, Rarity, Toe Tapper (the other stallion), Tort Song (the other mare), and now, the newest member, Fluttershy, stood and performed their famous song "Find the Music in you". Truth be told, Fluttershy was the most frightened one out of the group, and was panicking inside, but knew that the Ponytones, along with their leader & friend, Rarity, were with her. Discord, Headpool, Kidpool, Dogpool, and Discord all stood in a corner and- HOLY S**T!!! IS THAT JOHN DE LANCIE!?!?!? "Almost!" Deadpool replied "It's Discord AS Lancie himself! You can tell by the eyes." Oh... that's... a bit disturbing. But... I digress. The five man (well, four man plus a dog) squad peeked over a hill, seeing the group perform for the crowd below. "You guys remember the plan?" "We do." Everyone replied with a huff. "Come on! Have some spirit in you!" "My spirit wants to devour everyone's flesh." Headpool commented. "Not like that." "Looks like they're finished!" Kidpool announced. "Excellent work, mini-me!" "Don't remind me on how we meet each other for the first time!" "Just be glad Cable had that HUGE mole on his face." How did we meet our midget self on a space ship again? That wasn't Kidpool, but it was Justin Beiber when he was a baby. We had our ass kicked by a gay pop singer baby woman thing!?!?!? Not really. We were just drunk after watching the Phantom Menace. "Enough prequels!" Deadpool announced "Time to bring in something that's better and not as gay as Glee!!!" The crowd of ponies cheered for the group of ponies on stage. This put on a tear from Fluttershy's face, as she sorta conquered her fear, and the group had flowers thrown at them. The spotlight moved over them almost on their own, pointing at an area in the crowd. The ponies moved out of the way, gasping at the group that had Human-Cord-Lanci, Deadpool, Kidpool, Dogpool, and Headpool in a jar of liquid with a robot body, all wearing matching dark red jackets & black pants. "Pitch Perfect time!!!" Deadpool yelled. Microphones all appeared in their hands and they began to do An Capella of 'Please don't stop the music'. As they performed, they got closer to the stage while flipping in the air, cart wheeling, and super crazy break dance moves. All of the ponies in the crowd jammed out to the song, and even sang the 'Please don't stop the music' part. When they ended, not only did they make it to the stage, but the crowd cheered for the group. "What are you doing here!?" Rarity growled at them. "Just performing something that's 20% cooler!" Deadpool replied "Well we can perform much better!" Everyone turned to see Lady Deadpool with Pinkie Pie, Fluffle Puff, Pinkie Pie, and Sonata all standing together wearing blue dresses. "How come you didn't invite us!?" Pinkie pleaded. "It's called a 'guys night out' for a reason." Kidpool replied. "Well we're going to crash your crash!" Sonata replied. "Hit us with your best shot!" Discord shouted. All the ladies looked at each other and nodded to each other; following Lady Deadpool's lead, they all began to an a Capella of 'The Sign', 'Eternal Flame', and 'Turn The Beat Around'. When they finished their song, the crowd cheered as they got onto the stage! "SUCK IT!!!" Lady Deadpool mocked. "I ain't sucking anything!" Deadpool replied, walking and leaning over Lady Deadpool. "The only that will be sucking is you and your lady friends!" "Are you making this a battle of the sexes?" "What if I am?" Both sides stared at each other with fire in their eyes while the Ponytones awkwardly stood in the middle. "Are they gonna fight?" A small voice squeaked. Everyone turned to see a small, light yellow pegasus filly with an amber mane and adorable glasses. All 4/5 of the pools spoke together. "HNNNG!!!" All but Headpool fell to the floor. Headpool just looked at all of them. "I may not have a heart," he said "but, oh well. HNNNG!!!" He fell with the other pools as everypony on stage looked at them with curiosity. "To... cute!" Deadpool yelled "Wanna... cuddle!" Lady Deadpool added "Need... to... snuggle!" Kidpool added. "*Kids don't remember what you try to teach them. They remember what you are.*" Dogpool barked. "I just wanna fit in with the crowd." Headpool truthfully spoke. The small filly flapped her wings and flew over to Deadpool, where she gently tapped his head. "Are you alright, sir?" she asked. "Quit being so cute!!!" Deadpool pleaded. "There's only one thing we can do!" Kidpool yelled. "You don't mean it!" Lady Deadpool added. "The secret?" Headpool asked. Kidpool nodded. Everyone jumped up together. "SECRET!" They all yelled, followed by the following: Doobydoobydabbadoobydabadooda bedigabibblebede, It's a secret! Rah papachibuhbabababachibuh Rah-papachibuh-BLRRRR, BLRRRR! Doobibabajibudabarijbuhrbj darupabiscjjjPAH-PAHhbebebrrpde ehbehjejgbbsgebejebeberp-rp-ptchh! It's a secret! DoobadoobadabaPA!dajabba, rmmbujischa-DOODELIDOO! aRAH-PAH-PAAHbaDAbadaJI-BA, barrabapbapduudilyFRYHA! Derabapadiddlybumdapapa, behdedejebellehbuddlepah, A D-bd-bPFFTderibbitjPFTBadi-di-ding-dang-dong! RRRAPADOOPPPADEE! RRAPADOOPAPAAH! ZAPADOOBLEJZINGJGXUBREPPEDEPEEUH! XINGBANGDJUBJEIGEDEPAMPAM, DJABAPEUDELEBREEHHH- (Rapadapadapa) -Bbrrum DJIGIT bbradumbadum TCHHT Bbrrum DJING badungbadunggadunggadung buckabuckadika diudndiDIkaDIDI PRRRP! - It's a secret! Brum A-a ha HA HA HA! A-a a a aaah! Brum, eh... pfft, pff pffrpt- eh eh unk eh OHR! Bunchikachrkabadungdadungachickachicka bungchikarghbunchikakaKAARchickabungctskk...ooh-ah!...O!...o-o-O, O! o o o o-o-O! O-o o o O! UOOO O O O O UOO! -UR BOHBADOHBABURGH! Bubaruhbohboh ruhbaduhRUH! JDRARARARARARUHRUHRUHRUUUHHRururururuhRUH, RUH RUH RUH RUHRUUHH Buhruhruhruhbehahahaaah!houh! pop, pop pop, pop pop pop pop pop ,pop pop ,pop pop pop pop !pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop , pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop ! Skabadoobadoh? - SKOOBIDOOBIDADOO! Babaladapdob? - Skabalabalaba! . Babadiba? - Babadoobie! Yabadabadada. - SKABADANGDANGDIDEE~!! Skoobidoobedih? - Skoobedoobeda! Abadabadiba? Skabadoobie-Arr(begrudging sigh)... BUCKAW BUCKA-BUCKA! - Now you're talking! :D BUCK BUCK BUCKaw? BUCKA-BAAW!!! BU-BUCKA-BAW BUCKA-BAW BUCKA-BAW BUCKA-BERK BUCKA-BAR BUCKA-BAW BUCKA-BERK BURKAH-BERK BERKA-BUCKEH BUCKA-BEKEH BUCKA-BURKEH BUCK-BUCKA BIKIBIKI, BUCK-BUCKA BIKIBIKI, BUCK-BUCKA BIKIBIKI, BUCK-BUCKA BIKIBIKI, BUCK-BUCKA BIKIBIKI, BUCK-BUCKA BIKIBIKI, Buck HEY! buck HEY! buckabickibickeh! Dungdagadigadigadung-deh! BadadungbadadungbadaDUNGDRANGBRANGBRANG Dangdagadangdagadangdang, da BRLRLRLR BRRBRLRRLLR BBBRLRLRLRLR BRLRLRLLR-(BUUUH!) Dungagadagadagadung-deh! DaDUNG(BUUUH!)dadadungdada-BRRLRLRL RBBRLRL(BUUUH!) Dungagadagadagadung-deh! DaDUNG(BRUAAAH!)dadadungIT'S A SECRET!!! BRRRRUUHR! (Boh-bah-boh-ba-jab-jajah..) The crowd stared at them, unsure of what to make of the sudden videogame reference. "Think we should do it again?" Headpool asked "Nah!" Deadpool replied "Let's finish this night with a song about blowjobs!" "I'll get the whistles." Kidpool said "Not that song! the one used in Pitch Perfect!" "...OH!!!" "And unlike the other songs, We're going to have the lyrics!" "But how are we going to do that?" Lady Deadpool asked "Red for men, Pink for the ladies." "...Sounds fair enough." "Ponytones! Together!" "♫You spin my head right round, right round, When you go down, when you go down down♫ "♫You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down♫ "♫Hey, walk out that house with my swagger Hop in there with dough, I got places to go! People to see, time is precious I looked at my Cartier, out of control. Just like my mind where I'm goin'; No women, no shorties, no nothin' my clothes No stoppin' now, my Pirellis on froze. I like my jewelry that's always on cold. I know the storm is comin' My pockets keep tellin' me it's gonna shower. Call up my homies, it's on Then popin tonight cause it's meant to be ours. We keep a fade-away shot 'Cause we ballin' this Platinum Patron every hour. Lil mama, I owe you just like the flowers. Girl you the truth with all that goodie power. You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down.♫" ♫You spin my head right round, right round. When you go down, when you go down down♫ "♫From the top of the pole I watch her go down She got me throwin' my money around Ain't nothin' more beautiful to be found. It's goin' down down. From the top of the pole I watch her go down She got me throwin' my money around Ain't nothin' more beautiful to be found It's goin' down down Shorty must know I'm the man My money love her like a number one fan Don't open my mouth, let her talk to my fans My Benjamin Franklins. A couple of grands, I got rubber bands My paper planes makin' her dance Get dirty on like the spot on my hand We buildin' castles that's made out of sand. She's amazin', fire blazin'. Hotter than Cajun, girl won't you move a lil' closer? Time to get paid, it's maximum wage That body belong on a poster. I'm in a daze, that body is wavin' at me Like, "Damn it, I told ya". You wanna show like a gun out of holster; Tell me whatever and I'll be your chauffeur. You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down.♫" "♫You spin my head right round, right round. When you go down, when you go down down♫" "♫From the top of the pole I watch her go down She got me throwin' my money around Ain't nothin' more beautiful to be found It's goin' down down From the top of the pole I watch her go down She got me throwin' my money around Ain't nothin' more beautiful to be found It's goin' down down I'm spendin' my money, I'm out of control. Somebody help me she takin' my bank roll. But I'm king of the club and I'm wearin' the crown, Poppin' these bottles, touchin' these models, Watchin' they asses go down down ... You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down.♫" ♫You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down♫ ♫You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down♫ ♫You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down♫ Now THAT'S Sexist! Author's Note Saw the Ponies: the Anthology V, and wanted to use this, though no Celestia. And yes, that song is about blowjobs. Just look at #3 on this video,
How long has it been?Get back to work! What the-!? Who are you!? I'm Deadpool #2, mother f***er! I was genetically cloned from one of Deadpool's hair strands and I've been sent to make sure you'd work! ...But Deadpool's bald! Where'd he get hair? Where do you think? ...Oh dear mercy! Don't touch me!!! Get to work then! Yes sir! Right away, sir!!! "Like the gift I gave you?" Deadpool asked Shut up! I was busy, okay? "Oh yeah, with another Tats inspired story, hm... Planet Exrpess's Package Pony?" Yes, now please, let me work on this chapter, okay? I don't want your clone to sleep on my bed AT ALL!!! "Just continue with this fanfic that you hope will be featured again." Ugh... we continue with Deadpool as he made his way back home and... hold on... where's your other Pools?" "Them? I sent them home during your hiatus! Who knew their DNA samples would be great at making Deadpool #2!" Wait... so Deadpool #2 isn't- "I only added that bit in there as a way for him to have all of my memory." ...gross. Well, let's continue: Deadpool entered back in his home where he heard a familiar rocking noise. Do we have a rocking chair? I very much doubt it. "Well let's see who it is! Maybe it's Granny Smith! I've always wanted to meet her!" But you hate old people. "I only hate their stories! Plus, we know what the old people we know have!" Words of wisdom? Hell no! Candy, kisses, and lots of guns! "Like Mr.Togue's Grandma!" Deadpool walked inside his house, readying his pistols that fired kunai knives... for some reason, and slowly opened the door to his living room. He jumped into the room, firing wildly in circles, not even sure what he's firing at, but stopped and took a deep breath, seeing what was a living room filled with holes. Sitting in the middle was- Sharon Gless!? No you idiot, that's our hostage/friend, Blind Al! "Blind Al!" "Oh f**k me!" Blind Al spoke to herself as Deadpool jumped onto her lap and kissed her. "Who's there!?" another voice asked. Oh my Celestia! T.J. Miller!!! No! It's our old friend, Weasel! Weasel came out of the corner wearing only a robe, slippers, and held a cup of coffee. "Deadpool?" Weasel asked "Is that really you?" "Who else has a face that looked liked Freddy Krueger face f***ed the topographical map of Utah!?" "...Aw crap... it is you." "Deapool!?" A woman's voice spoke around the corner. Popping out of the corner was a familiar woman. Deadpool stopped and stared ahead, seeing what was a beautiful siren he had long forgotten. Wait... you forgot about Sonata!? No, I mean as in that the woman is beautiful and it's like she came from the sea. But we're nowhere near the sea! Ugh... forget it, okay? Let's continue!!! "Vanessa?" Deadpool asked "Is that really you?" The woman smiled and came up to him. "Well, let me see if you're the real Deadpool." She replied. She grabbed Deadpool's crotch! "GAAH!!!" Immediately, her body began to change from her look to Wade Wilson's look. "Ooh! I guess you really are Deadpool." "Lady! You could've asked me to take my mask off!!!" "Maybe, but I like things a bit... kinkier." Ma'am... I'm a little turned on now. Kids! Get outta here! "Uh... baby," Deadpool spoke "shouldn't you turn back to you?" "Of course, sugar." Vanessa replied, turning back to herself. She leaped up at him and began furiously make out with him! HOLY S**T!!! Is that even Legal!? How can we describe this!? Don't! Just put on the music! OOH!!! I'll get the camera!!! MEANWHILE!!! Lady Death and Cable sat together in a room, hearing both Deadpool and Vanessa moan as the place shook & objects began to break around them. "How does Deadpool do it?" Cable asked "Do what?" Death asked "How does he get ladies who love him, despite being an idiot?" "Oh Cable, there's more to him than being an idiot. He's just a bit of a bad boy with a tragic past." "I know his past, but what about being a bad boy?" "He just doesn't give a damn on what he does and goes with the flow. True, he's a bit more considerate with these ponies, but he's still going to do crazy stuff and not care who's in his way or not." "Huh... so if I do that, then I'd get ladies?" "Maybe, but how many women are there in the future?" "... not a lot." "And don't you have a responsibility to make sure the future is perfect?" "...I do." "Good. And if you ask me, if you really want to make the future a better place, you have to let Doctor Doom take over the world." "WHAT!?" "It's true; Doctor Doom taking over the world will save the world, though it varies which Doom you're teaming up with." "Who should I avoid?" "The latest one." "...Okay, thanks. Think we should stop them?" "You can." "...But aren't you jealous?" "She's going to die soon and her soul will be delicious, leaving Deadpool and I to be." "...You are messed up." "I'm death, I can do whatever I feel like." "Touche."
Fanciness. Ponies # 126- 130 Photo Finish, Sapphire Shores, Hoity Toity, Fashion Plate, and Sassy SaddlesDeadpool walked around Canterlot with music playing behind him, but not singing. That's a relief. But I wanna sing!!! Deadpool was followed by some ponies, most in the fashion area as Deadpool was walking & dancing to I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred Never mind. Whenever the music just played without Singing, Deadpool teleported to the nearest pole and began to dole dance with it, shaking his butt and taking the bits all the mares threw at him. In the shirt part, Deadpool removed a fashionable jacket that would make Barney Stinson from How I Meet your Mother cry, very seductively. In the Milan, Deadpool pointed at a random artist's painting of a ponified Milan, along with New York and Japan. For the Party, he grabbed a small foal & poked at it's belly, followed by using said foal as a rag for his head, tossing the foal back into it's mom's hooves. For the Car, Deadpool pointed at random parked cart, which exploded for no reason! For his Hat, Deadpool took a rich Pony's hat, crushed it, and threw it like a Kung-Lao's hat. For the cat, Deadpool pointed at the Grumpy Cat pony before taking his hat away. When the song finished, Deadpool finished with a Michael Jackson Pose, followed by bits showering on him. We're so rich! Yeah, but we're being crushed to death. What do you- "MY SPINE!!!" Deadpool yelled as he was crushed after piles of bits landed on him. Thanks to his healing factor, Deadpool crawled his way out and busted through the pile of bits. "Yes! The power of my sexiness has prevented death once again!" You mean our healing factor? "Same difference!" "And that was fantastic!" A flamboyant guy's voice spoke. You can just say 'gay'. Look, we don't know if there's any real gay characters in MLP, so we'll just say they're flamboyant for now. Deadpool turned around to see- "AAH!!! GAY RECOLORED PARTY FAVOR WITH GLASSES AND SCARF!!!" Ugh... Deadpool saw Fashion Plate along with- Pony Lady Gaga! That rich man that sounds like Vulturo And Pony Nicki Minaj! "The celebrity gayness is strong in this chapter!" ...Deadpool... please... let me continue. The celebrities surrounded Deadpool, each yelling over each other. "Vith your perfect body," Photo Finish spoke in her German accent "I can make you a star!" "Your Dance moves are SENSATIONAL!!!" Sapphire Shores added. "He clearly has what it means to be fashionable!" Fashion Plate added. "Perhaps you could be the next face of fashion." Hoity Toity spoke. Us? A Model? Oh man! I remember what when we wanted to be a model! It was followed by broken chairs and bones! "Fashion is our passion!" Deadpool yelled. "And I know the right pony!" Deadpool grabbed himself by the back of his suit and threw himself at a window, crashing through it. "What the-!?" Another Mare's voice yelled "Deadpool!?" "G3 Rainbow Dash! I need to look fashionable for the cameras!" "...It's Sassy Saddles, and I'm sorry to say, but you need to make an appointment before-" Deadpool practically squeed as he ran to a Marilyn Monroe dress. "This should do!" "Mr. Pool! I said that you must make an apointment before-" The door slammed open and the four fashionable pones came in! He-he! He typed 'pones'. Well that's another way people type 'ponies' now. Deadpool quickly put on the dress and ran outside, doing his Marilyn Monroe pose. "Fantastic!!!" Fashion Plate announced. "Ooh, you like that?" Deadpool asked in a seductive voice. "Well I have more dresses! Montage time!" Deadpool pulled out his phone and began to play Poker face. In this montage, dress pictures were taken, but also, Deadpool danced with each of the fashion ponies. With Fashion plate, it was disco dancing; Hoity Toity was more of ball dancing; Photo Finish was more of an Egyptian dancing; Sapphire Shores was the dreaded 'twerking'; Sassy Saddles stood with an impatient look as Deadpool did the d**k slang near her face. Like any other music video, there's a weird part of the song that takes the song literal as they played Russian Roulette, Deadpool shooting himself in the face, and like anything else in said music videos, there's something else that has nothing to do with said song, and in this case, it was them all traveling in space. Yeah... no question there... it just happens. Don't believe me, watch music videos! Go ahead, I'm waiting. It's our job to break the 4th wall. Oh, sorry. Well after that... thing... Deadpool's pictures spread like wild fire, especially after their spaceship crashed and caused a wildfire in the everfree forest. Luckily, they didn't have to pay for the damage nor take responsibility because- Yes, thanks Dave Chappelle. But they were drunk & wasted inside one of Canterlot's wince cellars, ponies knocked out, but they all still looked good. Deadpool groggily woke up, pulling out his phone to see what happened last night. Luckily, he took a group selfie, though Sassy Saddles charged at them with documents for a lawsuit. The next picture was them burning the lawsuit with Deadpool peeing on it, the next was Deadpool on fire, more of the forest on fire, an actual Illuminati triangle holding the heads of Gearoge Washington and Abe Lincoln, and the bar with Simon Pegg & Nick Frost. "Is this another cornetto film?" He asked himself, stumbling as he got out. That was some party! We don't even know what the hell happened. "I do remember one thing... a weird dream involving animals and Ke$ha's Die young." Deadpool stumbled and fell face first into a pile of puke. "Five more minutes." Ugh... rich people! Yeah! They think they can do anything! What's next, making an Angry Birds movie!? Sadly, it's true. Author's Note Yes, this is a real movie! Say it with me:
Halloween Special Part 1Author's Note This is more or less a trilogy that should be completed before Halloween. I won't be making a lot of chapters because I'm going to college and other fics, but I'll work on this as much as possible. And yes, I watched some Robot Chicken before making this chapter. Also, Mad Max: Fury Road is so much better than Pitch Perfect 2, along with the new Jem being a piece of s**t (I watched the show before with my mom when we had the Hub, but that came on right before Animaniacs, so might as well watch & learn something back then, eh?) Any suggestions before I add the new chapter? (Please, Thriller is in mind, just not now) Halloween Special Part 1 Deadpool looked out of the window in his house, seeing Celestia's sun going down and near Halloween decorations coming up. What's happening? Nightmare night. Ooh! The Halloween special? More or less, yes. But we don't have a costume. "We already have one!" Deadpool spoke. "We've been inside for the last few days, right?" Yeah! Playing Call of Duty. WE DON'T PLAY THAT S**T!!! "Yeah! We played tons of Borderlands 2!!! Kreig... notice me Senpai!" Ahem? "Oh, right. Well... let me take these off." He took off his gloves "And these!" His boots "And this!" His mask "but add this!" He put on a weird mask/blind fold that looked Spikey & not an ugly form of Sonic the Hedgehog. Oh! It's beautiful!!! It's awesome! "Yep! I'm the Guitar Guy from Mad Max: Fury Road! YO!!! Everyone got their costume ready!?" Out of the room, Weird Al came dressed up as zombie, Weasel as a Weasel, Discord as Q, Fluffle Puff repainted to look like a Tribble, Sonata as the original Jem from 'Jem & the Holograms' and not the s**ty movie adaptation. F**K YEAH!!! That's already a piece of s**t!!! ...Can I continue? Ah yes, Pinkie as Amy Rose, and Vanessa as- Gadget from Chip & Dale: Rescue rangers!? Without her jumpsuit!? And... no... pants. ... I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM!!! And... I gotta take a shower!!! And I'm going to use his room!!! WHAT THE-!? "Oh God." Deadpool spoke, leaning down and looking like he was holding in a pee. "You're... you're not wearing pants." "Sorry, Deadpool," Vanessa replied "I couldn't find a jumpsuit, nor any pants, but I know how much you like a... easy access?" Deadpool froze in fear... or... severe hotness that'd make Michael Bay nose bleed. And yes, Deadpool's nose began to bleed. "... I NEED TESTOSTERONE!!!" He ran through the wall of his house, which, for some weird reason, made his outline, but had a third leg in the middle. "I never knew Deadpool had a third leg." Pinkie spoke, oblivious to the adult joke. "Adult joke? I LOVE jokes!!! And don't worry Vanessa, I bring along extra pants, usually as a way to help Lyra feel well." "Ponies wear pants?" Vanessa asked "Yep!" "Where's my guitar?" Weasel asked. Deadpool pulled out Weasel's guitar that he stuck in between his legs. Oh man... I'm back! Oh my god... I feel a bit weird, dirty, and wrong at once. "Did you two-?" Deadpool asked Yep! "...Oh! NASTY!!!" He might've, I continued my reading of Pride & Prejudice. "... Clean up after yourself." Yeah, all that popcorn needs to be cleaned up. "What!?" What were you doing!? Watching Fury Road again! "Oh thank Celestia!" "Why doesn't anypony thank me?" A recognizable voice asked. Deadpool turned, seeing Princess Luna laying on her cloud. "MOONCHEEKS!!!" Deadpool hugged her multiple times with squeaks. Luna grunted to herself and Levitated Deadpool away. "Thank you for noticing me, Deadpool, but I do not wish for any annoyance this Nightmare Night." "Sure! What's the problem, your majesty?" "...I am not feeling it this year." "I can help!" He grabbed Luna's flank and squeezed it. Luna gasped and bucked him in the face. "NOT LIKE THAT!!! I'm already tired of scaring the local ponies here." "Really? How so?" "...Shall I explain your way?" "My way?" "Singing?" "HELL YEAH!!!" Deadpool pulled out a boombox and Jack's Lament played... All American Rejects version. "Damn it." Luna repeated the whole scene flawlessly, though she used her magic to alter the environment. "♫There are few who'd deny, at what I do I am the best, For my talents are renowned far and wide♫" "♫Wide!♫" "♫When it comes to surprises in the moonlit night I excel without ever even trying. With the slightest little effort of my ghostlike charms I have seen stallions give out a shriek! With the wave of my hoof, and a well-placed moan, I have swept the very bravest off their feet! Yet year after year, it's the same routine, and I grow so weary of the sound of screams and I, Luna, the Nightmare Queen, have grown so tired of the same old thing. Oh, somewhere deep inside of these bones, an emptiness began to grow. There's something out there, far from my home a longing that I've never known.♫" "This version's not too bad, actually." "♫I'm a master of fright, and a demon of light, And I'll scare you right out of your pants! To a mare in Ken-hoofy, I'm Miss Unlucky, And I'm known throughout Canterlot and Prance! "♫Merce'!♫" "♫And since I won't be dead, I can take off my head to recite Shakespearean quotations. No pony nor man can scream like I can with the fury of my recitations! But who here would ever understand that the Nightmare Queen with the skeleton grin would tire of her crown, if they only understood? She'd give it all up if she only could.♫" "Here comes the poster shot!" He took his camera out. "♫Oh, there's an empty place in my bones that calls out for something unknown; the fame and praise come year after year does nothing for these empty tears.♫" She turned away from Deadpool "Does thouest see how I feel now?" Deadpool counted his money away. "Oh yeah, baby! Give it all to me!" "You wish for me to give all of my magic to you for the night?" "Oh yeah! This year's the bomb!" "I hope that's a metaphor, but please, use my magic carefully; you don't want anypony hurt this year, do you?" "Nopony's gonna get hurt with me, hottie." "...I see. Well, Deadpool, this will hurt a bit." Deadpool placed his money away. "What you say-AAAAHHHH!!!" Luna fired her horn into Deadpool, making him painfully grow wings from his back & a horn from his head. Luna grunted painfully, as she lost her wings & horn, soon, becoming an average earth Pony mare. "There, my powers are with you for the night. I'm certain that-" Around Deadpool, bones of deceased ponies came from the graves. "... I'm a fool." Luna spoke to herself.
Halloween Special Part 2Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Halloween Special Part 3Luna sat on a stump as Deadpool dragged a large, human shaped doll with the face of that one kid from Home Alone. "And it's not Makully Cullin!" Deadpool added "I didn't ask who it was." Luna replied "And what does this have to do with summoning the quote on quote, 'king' of pop?" "Don't you dare insult the one true king of pop. Plus, though we cheer him for his music, this is one of his many vices. I would have a fake nose, but with me having a muzzle now, he'd not come down. Got the Vinyl ready!?" Got it! Stuffy placed a Vinyl recorder next to the doll. "Excellent! Now, what we have to do is hide and wait for him to take the bait." "What will we do if he foolishly falls for this?" "That's where this camera gets in!" Deadpool pulled out a camera. "If there's one thing the king shares with every celebrity, it's the news coming in and interrupting them with something most people do would on a normal basis! Plus, this camera's from TMZ, the most awful thing humanity has to offer!" "...How awful, exactly?" "If you were where I was from, they'd stalk you everywhere you go and ask you annoying as hell questions! Why, even if you go to a bathroom, they'll record you doing it!" "...What is wrong with them!?" "A whole f**k load!" Are we going to do this? "Oh yeah! Hit it!" Stuffy pressed the play button and Smooth Criminal played WHOOPS!!! "THE ORIGINAL!!! NOT ALIEN ANT FARM VERSION!!!" As the music played, the three jumped into a bush and hid. Looking like a very crappy found-footage-movie, Deadpool recorded as the clouds opened above, and descended from Heaven was Michael Jackson himself. Many of the kid angels yelled things like 'Thank God it's over!' to 'Why aren't why my parents here!? I need an Adult!', and yes, M.J. did it, but we're not going to touch on that otherwise this will have to change to Mature. As I was typing, Deadpool recorded as the king of Pop foolishly walked to the doll. "Oh, hello there little boy or girl," he spoke in his voice that made all of us today yell 'Gay!' "Why are you alone in these woods?" Silence. "Oh my! You can't speak? Well, if it makes it all better." He took off his coat. Deadpool jumped out, still recording. "GOTCHA!!!" he yelled. M.J. screamed and put his coat back on. "TMZ here! Michael Jackson; what were you going to do to that doll!?" "It was a doll!? I thought it was a child!" "You sick f**k! Just wait until everyone sees that not are you still alive, but you're a predator!" "No! Don't do that! I'll do anything!" "...Anything?" "Yes, of course small talking horse." Deadpool rose his eyeborws quickly. "We got 'im." Michael Jackson watched in shock as Ponyville was in flames with ponies everywhere causing havoc. "Oh my!" He expressed himself "This is going to be hard." "So go on!" Deadpool replied "Use your magic!" "He doesn't have magic." Luna replied "And even if he did, he'd need the power of-" "OW!!!" Michael Jackson yelled, pulling his crotch. A large blast came from him, starting at his junk area, and went around the town. Everypony caught in it was not only changed back from their costume form, but were turned into humans as well. Not much could be said for the zombies, who, despite now being humans, continued to try to devour the flesh of those not infected. EMBRACE THE PAIN!!! Stuffy sliced another zombie's head off before being succumbed himself, his organs being ripped out as the zombies pulled his organs out. "...Are you sane now?" Luna asked. POOF! Stuffy came back, but was now Vaas from Far Cry 3. Have I ever told you the definition of Insanity? "I guess not." At least he isn't yelling about having bicycles made out of meat. "And for the next part." Michael Jackson spoke to himself, putting on a red leather jacket. "OH S**T!!!" Deadpool yelled, squealing and jumping like a fan girl. "Are you really-!?" Before he could finish, the opening creaking noise of a door opening, the footsteps, wolf howling, and music began to play. "HOLY MOTHER F**KING TROLL S**T!!! HE'S DOING IT!!!" Every zombie stopped what they were doing and turned to where Michael Jackson stood. The zombies shuffled their way to the group, not stopping to devour the flesh of anyone in front or trembling to the sides. It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark. Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes, You're paralyzed The Author's following the music video! And has improved writing lyrics down. You hear the door slam and realize there's nowhere left to run You feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever see the sun You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination But all the while you hear the creature creepin'up behind You're out of time "We gotta help him out!" Deadpool announced How? They're out to get you, there's demons closing in on every side They will possess you unless you change the number on your dial Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together All thru the night I'll save you from the terrors on the screen, I'll make you see "The Thriller's almost here. GET EVERYONE READY!!!" Deadpool and Crazy ran ahead. Soon, the Taco squad, Crazy & Stuffy, Vanessa, and Deadpool assembled right behind Michael Jackson. (if you need to know, Weasel sucks at dancing and Blind Al is old, so dancing like this will hurt her.) Stuffy quickly changed and wore a suit. Ahem... Darkness falls across the land, The midnite hour is close at hand, Creatures crawl in search of blood to terrorize y'awl's neighborhood. And whosoever shall be found Without the soul for getting down Must stand and face the hounds of hell, And rot inside a corpse's shell. "That's a great Vincent Price Impersonation!" Deadpool congratulated Thank you, I had practice. Nearly all the zombie are here! "Relax," Vanessa spoke "this is going to go down in history for FimFiction.Net." WHAT THE-!? She took my 4th wall powers. The foulest stench is in the air, The funk of forty thousand years, And grizzly ghouls from every tomb Are closing in to seal your doom. And though you fight to stay alive, Your body starts to shiver. For no mere mortal can resist The evil of the thriller. Everyone else, including Luna stepped back and watched the group of zombies, hip hop artist, and group of maniacs... know what... just skip to the 45 second mark & stop at the 2:52 Enjoy! Before Deadpool and the squad pulled out their weapons, a red blur came out and sliced every zombie's head off! M-m-m-m-monster kill!!! "Hey!" Deadpool yelled "Those were our kills!!!" "Quit being a pussy." a voice replied. "WHAT THE-!? No censorship there!? Who the f**k do you think you are!?" "The guy who isn't a bitch and above you!" Deapool looked up to see a man in a red suit and large, matching hat. "Why are you dressed up as Carmen San Diego?" "Why are you dressed up as Spider-Man?" "I'm not that whinny teenage b***h! I'm Dead-Mother F***ing-Pool!" "Oh! that sounds like the name some 10 year old on Call of Duty would name themselves!" ROASTED!!! Who are you!? "The name's Alucard! And I'm-" "The unoriginal name of Dracula's son!" Deadpool roasted back. "... Oh you cheeky little fucker!" He jumped down and landed in front of Deadpool. "Do you know what I'm capable of?" "I don't know, but do you know what I'M capable of!?" Alucard grabbed him by his throat and lifted him. "Screaming like a little bitch! That's what!" He lunged forward and took a bite out of Deadpool's neck. Deadpool laughed. "Stop that! That tickles!!!" Alucard dropped him. "The fuck!? What the hell is wrong with you!?" His answer came as Deadpool quickly healed in front of him. "Surprise Mutha F***a!" Alucard stared, but smiled. "Well, this should be interesting." "Oh yeah! GARLIC BREAD!!!" Deadpool pulled out a roll of garlic bread and threw it Alucard's face. It hit his face, but fell to the floor. "...Are you retarded?" "Oh... I... aren't you a vampire?" "Yes, but I don't go bleh-bleh-bleh." Deadpool pulled out his Uzis. "Then this should do the trick!" Alucard pulled out twin pistols. "DRAW!!!" GET DOWN!!! Everyone fell to the floor as both Deadpool and Alucard fired at each other, both losing flesh but healing at the same time, though not so much for the homes around them. Both of their guns clicked as they ran out of ammo. Deadpool clicked his gun again and made a beat out of it. "Stop that!" Alucard yelled "Guns aren't going to do this!" "You're right," Deadpool replied, pulling swords out "but these sharp sticks will do the trick!" Alucard took his gloves off and prepared his claws. "Let's do this!!!" "KATANA RAMA!!!" Both the Merc and the vampire lunged at each other, their weapons clashing with each other and looked very much like what you expected in any crazy as hell Anime fight, but with more of a comedic twist as they landed inside Alucard's jet and flew around, though inside, they made themselves a 'what-is-love?' gif with Alucard's assistant as the third man, crashing and burning a forest down, their shadows fighting only for the two to sit down and drink some tea together, and ending with both of them falling into a Bunker where, as you can guess it- "Hydra!?" Deadpool yelled "Again!?" "What the hell is Hydra!?" Alucard asked "Look out!" A hydra soldier yelled in a German accent "Ze Deadpool and Carmen San Diego are here! Schnell!!!" "...Are they Nazis?" "Give or take a few things." Deadpool answered. "...You want to see who's better by killing the most?" "Challenge accepted!!!" Both Deadpool and Alucard charged at the Hydra soldiers, killing them in the most violent ways you can think of as Andrew W. K's 'Party Party Party' played! The two exited the way they came in, the base exploding because- "Because f**k you! That's why!" Deadpool yelled "That's my joke!" Alucard replied "Besides, I killed at 178 of those bastards! You?" "179!" "Bullshit!" "I can make you my 180 if you want!" "In your dreams! I can't die!" "Oh yeah! Twilight!!!" He held up a DVD case of the Twilight Saga movies & books. Alucard hissed at it and destroyed the s**t easily "Don't you dare hold up that shit again!" "Hm, not dead yet, eh? Fine then!" He held up an apple. "Oh, what are you going to do now? Summon a shinigami?" "As much as I would love to summon Ryuk, this will kill you and admit me as the victor. She should be coming in... now!" A hiss was heard, followed by some flapping and some trees rustling. Out from the sky came the one and only, flutterbat! Alucard stared as Flutterbat took the apple away and sucked it's juices out. "What... the... fuck?" he asked. Deadpool picked up Flutterbat. "Meet Flutterbat!" Deadpool answered the calm & not struggling Batpony. "She's more or less an adorable pony mixed with a Vampire fruit bat! She may not suck blood, but she sure is cute! Keep her!" "What!?" Deadpool gave Alucard Flutterbat. He held onto the batpony, looking at it's angered face, but couldn't take it serious due to it's cuteness. "You are... by far... the most CUTEST FUCKING THING EVER!!!" He hugged Flutterbat, making her squeak. "And she squeaks!? She going to be the best assistant ever!!! See ya dick wad! I gotta watch some Netflix on my new 70 inch Flatscreen Plasma T.V!" "Hey! This d**k wad has an 80 inch plasma screen T.V. ... With Netflix!" Alucard froze and turned around. "You... you have a bigger T.V.?" "Oh yeah!" "With Netflix?" "Mm-hm." "And... what sound does it have?" "Surround sound!" "... Oh man, I... I guess I should apologize and... well... I guess you are... better than me." "Really?" "Don't push it!" "...Eh, it'll do! This'll be the best Netflix and chill night ever!!!" Everyone sat down and watched Deadliest Warrior, fluttershy staring at Flutterbat. "So..." Twilight spoke "When do we turn back into ponies?" "Allow me little girl." Michael Jackson spoke. He grabbed his crotch again "OOH!!!" Another blast and everyone turned back to normal. "My work here is done." The ray of light from heaven came and he was taken up again. The children above screamed. "He's coming back!" An angel yelled "HIDE!!!" "Wait!" Deadpool yelled "What about-" The song 'Leave me alone' played as Michael Jackson gave him both middle fingers, both zapping a laser into his eyes and causing his head to explode! M.J. went back and Deadpool's head regrew. "Aw, I wanted to know where his skeleton was so we could repeat the dancing skeleton scene from 'ghosts'. "...makes as much sense as Moonwalker." Alucard commented, rustling Flutterbat's mane. "you're such a cutie!" What are we going to do for Thanksgiving now!? ...I guess... oh... I see what's going to happen. Deadpool put on a pilgrim outfit. "We're gonna hunt ourselves a turkey!" he spoke "Scootaloo, I'm giving you a ten minute head start!" "What!?" The filly yelled "Yeah! Just run and-" He fell face first, snoring. "...Looks like Somepony stayed up past their bed time." Applejack commented. "Find... food... for... natives." "Well so long fuck wads!!!" Alucard took the T.V., Flutterbat, and ran away "WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP!!!"
The Real B***h! Pony #132The Real B***h! Pony #132 "Alright crusaders!" Applebloom announced "Now that we have our cutie marks, what do we call ourselves now?" "What do you mean?" Scootaloo asked "We have our cutie marks, we crusaded for them, and we have 'em, so what do we call ourselves?" "...The crusaders?" Sweetie Belle suggested. "The... cutie markers?" Scootaloo added "Not Big Bag Beetleborgs!" Deadpool's voice yelled. Deadpool jumped & crashed through the window, laughing like Delirious. "Oh great." Scootaloo commented to herself "You again?" Deadpool tackled all of them and held them in a group hug. "You finally got your cutie marks!!! I am so proud of you three!!!" Manly tears fell from his face. "Are you... crying?" Sweetie Belle asked "Of course I'm crying!!! Real men express their emotions than hide it from their friends and family! And you three... you're just so adorable!" He hugged them tighter, making them squeak. Hehehehehe, squeaking. I just hope he can control himself around Shining Armor and Cadence's foal. Deadpool dropped the crusaders. "Holy s**t!" He yelled to himself "I gotta congratulate them!" He ran through the door, breaking it with his silhouette formed in the woods like a cartoon character. "Blame Obama!!!" All the ponies in town scooted aside and watched in awkward silence as Deadpool rode on a small train with no track under it and seemed to bounce as it moved. Deadpool wore a conductor outfit while holding a sign reading 'hype train' and had a boombox laid in the train's caboose, playing the theme song for Thomas the Tank Engine with a twist. His song ended, and the train stopped. "Ugh!" Deadpool grunted "How long until we get to the crystal Empire!?" With the rate you've been going, I'd say at least... another 5 days, at best. That's TOO long!!! "We're taking the next train over there!" Deadpool got up and kicked the small train. Michael Bay. "YOU SUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!" Deal with it. Deadpool then landed on the swing set of the swing set, making him roll on the floor and slammed into the school's building. "...Ow! This is why I do things my own way." Oh shut up! The school door opened and out came a sad Diamond Tiara, followed by her mother, Spoiled Rich. "What is that crying about!?" Spoiled rich snapped at her daughter. "You are not to cry like that! You are grounded and that's final!" "But mom!" Diamond whined "I just want to go with the crusaders's clubhouse and offer them their own cutesinera." "HOME!!! NOW!!!" Diamond cried and ran away. Deadpool, during this time, peeked around a corner and watched. Wow. What a f***ing b***h. She is, and that's saying a lot. "Didn't we watch that episode?" Deadpool asked himself We did, and we know Diamond wasn't the real bully, but her mom. Sorta like Butters with his Grandma! "Oh Hamburgers!" Deadpool pulled out- WHOAH!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?!? "I'm gonna off this b***h with my Sniper! This will be the headlines for MLG for years to come! Now hold still!" That is... kinda dark. We can't kill her! Wait! Are... you with me on this? Yeah! We've got to make her suffer! A light bulb appeared above Deadpool's head, followed by him laughing evilly. "Let's get the mask." The next morning, at the Rich's home, the door knocked and Spoiled Rich answered. Some canterlot guards stood there. "Spoiled Rich?" One of the guards asked. She swallowed and sweated. "Y-Yes?" she replied "Come with us. Your life may be in danger." "Danger!? By who?" One of the guards handed her note. Wassup Mofo's? Just to tell you, I'm thinking of doing something fun with Spoiled Rich, one that may be a risk to her health but not mine, since I'm indestructable! Anyways, I don't to catch her off guard, since that wouldn't be funny enough, and I want to see if you guys can stop me before I catch her and perform the Goodbye horses dance scene from The silence of the lambs. Hope to fight you guys soon and hold a pony hostage, Me! Deadpool! P.S. Avoid the ground and water, as I can't fly at all and the pegasi buck me off every time I try to ride them. "Follow us," the guard spoke "We know a way to get away from him!" the guards lead Spoiled rich away from her house "Why would Deadpool want me!?" she asked "We're trying to find out as well, but from what we can tell, he may be bored." "Just that!?" "He's really strange that way." They entered one of the flying boats and began to fly away. "We'll be heading to Saddle Arabia soon," another guard added "if we're lucky, he may not go that far." "I'm not so sure about that," another guard replied "He's one of the most random and powerful things here! I saw him decapitate Tirek after toying with him, rubbing off what would kill anypony else!" "You're not helping!" Spoiled Rich yelled "Oh, I just want to get out of here and live!" "But what about your husband and daughter?" A British sounding but obstructed voice asked. Turning around, there were three humans, all of which wore sacks over their head and had their arms tied to their backs. "... Who's that?" A guard asked "And how did they get here?" Another asked "It doesn't matter! Who spoke!?" "Me!" the middle sack faced human replied. "Who are you?" "It doesn't matter who we are, what matters is my plan." The guard, looking questionably, walked to the middle and took the sack off. Some of the guards gasped as it was Deadpool, wearing the Dark Knight's bane mask over his mask. "No one cared who I was until I put on the mask... and had cancer... along with my epicness... aw s**t, I needed a lot of things to get recognized, now that I think about it." Just like how we had to- Don't. Ever. Repeat. THAT!!! "If we pull that off," another guard spoke "will you die?" "Hell nah!!! I got this from Hot Topic!" "You're very strange." "For ♫YOU!!!~♫." The two other stood up with Deadpool and did their best to do the annoying as hell dance to that 'Crank That' song from the longs past welcomed 'Soulja Boy'. As the ponies inside were distracted, outside and right above, a plane flew above them, as inside, piloting was Weasel, and preparing to jump out of the plane were the Lightspeed Rescue Rangers. Inside the flying boat, all the guards and Spoiled Rich stared blankly. "Was... being here part of your plan?" she asked "It came from Christopher Nolan." Deadpool answered "Well why are are you after me!? Is there some sort of reason?" "Of course! I wanted to kick your daughter like a football, turns out you're responsible for her actions, and I need to punish you." "How!? You're tied up! What's the next step of your 'plan'!?" The Power Rangers jumped out of the plane and grabbed onto the side of the flying boat. The ones in the very back hooked the boat to the plane while the others in the front & middle prepared their weapons. "Crashing this boat." The Power Rangers popped the balloon, making everypony fall to the front as the windows crashed and the power rangers fired at the guards. Rather than turning to ash or dying, they were instead teleported back to Canterlot, right in front of Luna as she was playing Star Wars Battlefront, only to die and lose. "DEADPOOL!!!" Deadpool laughed to himself, snapped the handcuffs he made, and grabbed Spoiled Rich from her tail. She screamed and tried to kick herself free. The back of the boat exploded, leading more air to enter. The Rangers entered and Strapped Deadpool in to some of the wires. "Alright Rangers," Deadpool announced past the loud, blowing wind. "go back and wait for another season or something." They teleported away, leaving him and Spoiled Rich alone. She continued to squirm herself free. "Calm down, Missy! Now's not the time for fear; that comes later." He pulled a trigger out and pulled it. A loud bang was heard as the boat fell to the Everfree Forest below, missing them. She screamed even louder. "What do you want!?" she screamed! "I'll do anything! ANYTHING!!! I got a lot of bits! You like money, right!?" "I do, but this is more for you than for me." "WHAT!? WHAT IS IT!?!?!? I'LL DO IT!!!" After some negotiations, Diamond Tiara was not grounded anymore and was able to help the CMC throw their own cutesinera. Sitting to the side, shivering like a leaf, was Spoiled Rich, who was drinking some warm tea. Deadpool teleported next to her and sat down. "That wasn't so hard, was it?" He asked. She stared into the open, not even saying anything but chattering her teeth out of fear. I think we pushed it too far. Hey, it was awesome though! Deadpool quickly took a selfie with her. The radio turned to the song 'Goodbye horses'. "That's our cue!" Deadpool got up and performed the dance that's now associated with it thanks to Buffalo Bill from the Silence of the Lambs and Jay from Jay & Silent Bob, though, since there were kids around, Deadpool kept his costume on and only put on a trench coat as a way to seduce all you ladies out there. "Damn straight!" LANGUAGE!!! "You ain't no Captain America!!!" "This is great, ya'll!" Applebloom yelled "Ah can't until Hearts Warming Eve!" Deadpool froze and stared into the distance. "...Christmas." he growled. Uh oh! It's that time again! We better do a Thanksgiving special first before celebrating that fat man!
Let's rock. Ponies 133-136: Limestone, Marble, Igneous Rock, and Cloudy Quarts PieIt was the peak of dawn at the Pie rock family's home. Everywhere as one can see, there were rock everywhere, and it doesn't help that even the house inside has rocks around it. The ponies inside and waking up was a light gray coated mare with a darker mane that had the same look of Fluttershy's shyness, a dark purple mare with a dark gray mane that always looked angry, a light brown stallion that wore an Amish looking hat & bow-tie, a light gray mare with a gray-blue bun mane & wore glasses, and Maud. No need to tell what she looks like, it's Maud. Oh and the Thing's there too, but he's still sad that his movie bombed in the box office and no one but Maud like him with the fact that his 'family' is dead. Hey, at least you got likes on your trailer when they were shown, and people were cautiously optimistic unlike Jem. That movie was AWFUL!!! You saw it? Don't need to. I can see EVERYTHING a mile away. Eh, true. The statistics agree on how much it sucked and how it's not going to get a sequel where they finally introduce the Misfits. GUYS!!! Spoilers!!! It's not like anyone's gonna watch that! Yeah, and it's going to be difficult to watch it as very few theaters are playing it. Okay, fine. May I continue? ... Good. The family here was the Pie family, and they woke up to harvest the rocks like they do in their life. Except... Oh good lord. "WHO MESSED WITH HOLDERS BOULDER!?!?!?" The angry pie yelled. On the large, egg shaped boulder was the... oh Jesus, you REALLY had to use Ant-Man's arch rival!? "Like it?" Deadpool asked, standing next to them, "it's my favorite artwork to the most stupidest villain I had to fight and work with, Egghead!" "YOU!!! YOU'RE SO DEAD!!!" Deadpool booped her. "And you're so angry!" He carried Maud in his arms, twirling her. "Oh Maud! How's it been!? Is Ben Grimm fine?" "Hello Deadpool." Maud replied in her usual, neutral voice "I've told my family about you. And the Thing is fine. He'll learn to love me." He rustled her mane. "That's good to hear!" "Thouest is Deadpool!?" the stallion asked in surprise. "My daughter hast teacheth us how thouest is... strange." "Of course!" He now wore a wig that looked like Princess Luna's mane "But please, thouset can call we whatever they want as long as it doesn't hurteth thy feelings." "Alooweth us to introduceth ourselves. I am-" Deadpool pointed at each of the family members. "Igneous Rock pie!" He looked shock "Cloudy Quartz pie!" Also shocked "Marble Pie!" She blushed and hid behind her mane. "And Limestone pie!" She growled and slapped his finger away. "How the hay do you know us!?" She asked "It is thy ability known as 'Breaketh thy 4th wall', sweeteth Grumpy pants." "Don't you dare call me grumpy pants again!" "Not even for the friend of Pinkamena Diane Pie?" "Not even from a friend of my sister!" The two stared at each other. "You're no fun." He teleported away and reappeared with Marble in his arms. "Oh! But you're going to be the time of my life! Look at how adorable you are!" She was freaked out. Marble did everything to get away from Deadpool's tight hug, but to no effect as the only thing she was able to do was whimper. "Fluttershy 2.0, you my best friend." She froze as Deadpool snuggled with her as somewhat fitting music played in the background. Anything for the parents? ... Amish paradise? "Truly, you do admit you're strange," Cloudy Quartz spoke "and you do seem friendly, but we're going to have to ask you to leave." "Unless thouest can prove thyself they know they ways." Igneous rock. "So get out!!!" Limestone snapped. Deadpool stared, but smirked. He disappeared, but reappeared, wearing Amish clothing (complete with a fake beard) as music played. He then proceeded to do the song's music video with the help of his Taco squad and partners (all also wearing Amish outfits complete with beards). Deadpool's squad and allies stood together, churning butter while trying to look sexy at it, making the entire pie family stare with their mouths open (minus Maud), almost as if they were experiencing Pinkie Pie's party again... though Pinkie is with Deadpool, both churning the same butter and- Oh god! That's just wrong! "♫As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain! But that's just perfect for an Amish like me; You know, I shun fancy things like electricity. At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows; Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone! I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin.. But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699!♫" "♫We been spending most our lives Living in an Amish paradise. I've churned butter once or twice Living in an Amish paradise. It's hard work and sacrifice Living in an Amish paradise. We sell quilts at discount price Living in an Amish paradise.♫" "♫A local boy kicked me in the butt last week I just smiled at him and turned the other cheek; I really don't care, in fact I wish him well 'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell! But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it An Amish with a 'tude? You know that's unheard of I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat And my homies agree, I really look good in black...fool. If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years! But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare We're just technologically impaired.♫" "♫There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar, Not a single luxury. Like Robinson Crusoe, It's as primitive as can be.♫" "♫We been spending most our lives Living in an Amish paradise. We're just plain and simple guys Living in an Amish paradise. There's no time for sin and vice Living in an Amish paradise. We don't fight, we all play nice Living in an Amish paradise.♫" "♫Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise another! Think you're really righteous? Think you're pure in heart? Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art! I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife! So don't be vain and don't be whiny Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie!!!♫" "♫We been spending most our lives Living in an Amish paradise We're all crazy Mennonites Living in an Amish paradise There's no cops or traffic lights Living in an Amish paradise But you'd probably think it bites Living in an Amish paradise.♫" The Pie family (with the exception of Maud) stood with wide mouths open as Deadpool and his peers had made a complete replica of their rock farm. "Oh my." Igneous Rock simply commented. "Like a baws!!!" Deadpool commented. The pies stared, then fell over with goat sounds like Fluttershy did in Dragonshy. Pinkie and Maud walked over to their family. "Oops!" Pinkie spoke "We overdid it, din't we?" "You did." Maud commented, picking up their family. "Come on. We know the routine." Deadpool took Marble away. "Just five more minutes!" He whined as he cuddled the petrified pony. Pinkie walked over and tried to take her sister back. Deadpool pulled Marble back to him. The two began a tug-of-war with each other. "Come on, Deadpool!" Pinkie grunted "You have to let go!" "Never! She's my snuggly cuddly pony!!!" "I can be your snuggle cuddly pony." Vanessa spoke. "You're my Snuggly cuddly human! With boobs! And a woman!" You're making us sound gay. What's wrong with being gay!? "Shut up!!!" Maud went to Deadpool and tapped his leg. A single tap caused his leg to rupture and explode for some reason. He released Marble, much to his pain, and fell on his back. "Ahh! My Neck! My back! ♫Lick my p***y and my crack!♫" "We better get ready." Maud spoke to her sister "Hearths warming is coming." At that moment, Deadpool stood right up and left. Wait... Deadpool!? You're suppose to be dressed up as Santa and- "F**K OFF!!!" What!? Deadpool, this is a time of cheer! "And higher suicide rates!" Deadpool!? What's wrong? Why aren't you-? "Make a new chapter already!!!" What? I can't do it now, I need to- "DO IT!!! JUST DO IT!!!" ...okay Shia Labeouf. We'll... see each other again. "Great! You made me reference Shia Led**che!" He walked off. Well... this was... strange. Tell me about it! Author's Note If you're reading this, I need some help, actually. Deadpool... he's not feeling it. It's Christmas time and I'd like to find out what's wrong. Yes, he and I don't get along, but he's like a brother. I'm planning to do a Christmas 3 parter thing like what I did with Halloween, but, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm gonna need editors on this. This whole thing is going to be in rhyme and it's going to be based off of three classic Christmas stories. Message me if you really want to join with me on this and want to know what the stories are. Don't tell anyone when you find out, though! If you don't celebrate this, then I'm sorry.
Another 1st person Chapter...MrAquino!? MrAquino!?!?!? Mr- What the-!? This is where you've been this whole time!? Shut up... playing. You've been gone for three days! You've been here playing Fallout 4!? Shut up... so... awesome!!! And you're still on the character customization!? Need... perfect... couple. ... Ya'll Mutha f**kas need to get a life! Have Life... Half life... Half life 3... probably confirmed. Yeah. Listen, why don't you go and meet Twilight Sparkle? ...Why? Nothing... except she may move on to some other stallion. ...Play this game! Blue Skidoo, we can too! Sweet! Time to play as the ugliest people!!! I woke up again in Equestria, but instead of the warm sun on my back or face, I felt the winds and snow of winter hitting me. Not going to lie, I was freezing; Were it not for my fur, I would've just said 'F**k this!' I got up on all fours again and looked around; many of the trees were now bare, give or take a few leaves, as some of the puddles were now ice and the pegasi were making it snow from the clouds above. I looked ahead, seeing many earth ponies doing their part to make it winter... then saw Deadpool with a flamethrower, burning the snow. "DIE WINTER, DIE!!!" He yelled "YA'LL AIN'T CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR!!! THIS IS A PAGAN HOLIDAY, AND JESUS HATES YA'LL FOR CELEBRATING THIS!!! SANTA HATES POOR KIDS!!! YOU TREAT THANKSGIVING AS AN ABUSED REDHEAD STEPCHILD!!! YA'LL AIN'T GONNA GET 'YER DEALS ON BLACK FRIDAY THIS YEAR!!! WINTER AIN'T COMING THIS YEAR!!! EVERY STARK WILL DIE!!!" He ran and continued melting the snow to continue fall. "...I really need to start that holiday special." I muttered to myself. I flapped my wings and headed towards Twilight's castle. If thre's one thing I know I suck at, it's trying to be calm around women; I'm neither the 'James Bond' type of womanizer, nor am I those guys who have so much 'swag' that they can be a total d**k to any women and get away with it. After a while of flying, and hiding from some ponies who recognized me, I landed right in front of Twilight's castle. I hesitated before knocking on her castle's door. What if she did move on? I thought to myself What if I've been gone so long, she now has another stallion with her!? What if it's-? Oh Celestia no! I knocked on her door. Please don't be with her! PLEASE!!! The door opened and Spike stood there. We stared at each other awkwardly. I guess we were both waiting for each other to make the first move. "...May I help you?" He asked "Is... Is Twilight home?" "She is, along with her friends." "Can... Can I meet her?" "Sure. I do have a question though." "Ask away." "How was it like kissing her?" I froze and stared for a bit. "Uh... to get something similar, don't eat gems for a week or two, then you'll know what it's like." "Huh. Guess I'll try it then." Spike lead me to the throne room with the map in the middle. All of the Mane 6 was there, and... oh sweet jesus... wings... don't! *POMF!!!* "DAMMIT!!!" My yelling got the attention from all the mares. Twilight gasped at my sight. "You're back!" She cheered, running to me. She tackled me to the floor; I landed on my back and she was on top with a near seductive look on her face. I'm just glad the animators didn't add any dingalings to the show. "So~ where have you been all this time?" Don't say anything stupid! "...I like boobies!" You suck. "Ooh! I didn't know you studied birds." Nevermind! "Uh... yeah. I do... occasionally." "So what brings you back?" "... Just... checking up. Need to see what you've been doing." "Along with Deadpool?" "Ugh, don't remind me. I just saw him burning the snow away to keep it summer, or at least, fall." "Damn straight!" Deadpool's voice spoke. Dora the Explorer's 'I'm the map' played as Deadpool appeared on the table, dancing the very stupid Drake dance moves from 'Hotline Bling', but also had some of the finest women from X-men: Mystique Jean Grey X23 Domino Psylocke Selena Emma Frost Copy Cat (Who I just realize it's Vanessa!) And Lady Death "Like all of these Mutant Girls!?" Deadpool asked us. "Who are these ladies?" Rainbow Dash asked "And how do you know them?" Applejack asked "Cause I'm a pimp!" Deadpool answered. "No you aren't." Emma commented "But where did they get their costumes?" Rarity asked "I simply need them for my newest designs!" "Or just go naked like Mystique here." Deadpool replied, squeezing Mystique's boobs. She slapped him across the face, turning to me. "Women, am I right!?" I shrugged. "To you, I guess." I replied "But I'd rather stick to one woman, even if she is a mare." At that moment, Twilight nuzzled me. "Aw, that's so sweet." She commented "Shut up!!!" I yelled. "So is she your Bae?" Deadpool asked. Ugh...That word "... What's wrong with Girlfriend? Or Marefriend?" "Too long! Needs to be shorter!" "Hey!" Twilight yelled "If you're going to invent a new word, it has to make sense." "Oh sure! Tell that to the people in social media who keep using hashtags!" "...Hashtags?" "THEY'RE CYBER WAFFLES!!! And they're used for everything nowadays!!!" "...Are you sure?" "Eeyup!" "Well is there on of you?" "Oh great." I commented as music played from the most sexist & Misogynistic song to be played on the radio that women sang to, 'Blurred lines'. The place became a white background with '#Deadpool', large, bold, and red. "Chimichanga! What up? Chimichanga! What up?" "♫ Hey, hey, hey.♫ " I sang along, though bored. When you're with his clone, forced to sing all the time, you get bored and lose the 'umph!' of singing. "♫Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey♫" "♫See I can heal, what I'm trying to say Is that I can't die, hello my name is Wade. Deathstroke but redesigned. Epic, awesome combined. Two minds inside one mind. Two guns, a double dose. I will annihilate you. I got a video game, it's rated M for mature. Domino? Yeah, we've dated.♫" "♫Hey, hey, hey♫" "♫Wolverine? Not related.♫" "♫Hey, hey, hey♫" "♫Movie? Anticipated. That's why they call me Deadpool!♫" "♫You guys can't kill him. You guys can't kill him You guys can't kill him♫" "♫Cause I'm Deadpool. Crazy fightin' tactics. My guns ain't plastic. Gettin' sliced, get blasted. I love them dollar signs.♫" "♫Killin' for money Killin' for money Killin' for money♫" "♫But them mutant girls! The way you grab me. And then you stab me. Go ahead, get at me. Logan has those dream for When he thinks of Jean, oh! We should make a team cause We can't die! High-five and embrace! Guns in my storage.♫" "♫Hey, hey, hey♫" "♫You want an orange?♫" "♫Hey, hey, hey♫" "What rhymes with orange?" "...Nothing." "Oh. ♫Two guns, a double dose. I will annihilate you I got a video game, it's rated M for mature Rob Liefeld drew me.♫" "♫Hey, hey, hey♫" "♫Fave scribe? Joe Kelly.♫" "♫Hey, hey, hey" "♫Now it's Brian & Gerry.♫" "♫Hey, hey, hey♫" "♫Powers combined to make me Deadpool♫" "♫You guys can't kill him. You guys can't kill him You guys can't kill him♫" ♫Cause I'm Deadpool. Crazy fightin' tactics. My guns ain't plastic. Gettin' sliced, get blasted. I love them dollar signs.♫" "♫Killin' for money Killin' for money Killin' for money♫" "♫But them mutant girls! The way you grab me. And then you stab me. Go ahead, get at me.♫ One thing I ask of you, Let me be the one that you give your cash to. Was an X-Men once, then got the boot. Then I joined X-Force and fought with these two. Killed a bunch of people as we passed through. Swords and claws are just enough to tear your ass in two. I do things with no thought or rationale. It's 'cause I can't die! Neither can my pal. 100 years later, ain't still not dead. Can't even die if you chop off my head. Nothin' like that Slade guy, he's too serious. Deadpool's the best merc, girl's can't resist. So I, just watch and wait, While I eat tacos and gain some weight. Not many X-Men can refuse this pimpin' I'm a nice guy sometimes but I might punch your face in. Shake it girls! Get down! Get up! Watch the girls all flirt! Kane is gonna squirt! Now Kane's getting hurt." "♫Oh god!!!♫ ♫Dancin' a funky beat, Phoenix, Psylocke and Emma. Domino, X-23, Rogue, Mytique, Selena. No more pretending.♫ ♫Hey, hey, hey♫ ♫Copies still printing.♫ ♫Hey, hey, hey♫ ♫Comic sales? WINNING!♫ ♫Hey, hey, hey♫ ♫Remember the name because it's Deadpool♫ "♫You guys can't kill him. You guys can't kill him You guys can't kill him♫" "♫Cause I'm Deadpool. Crazy fightin' tactics. My guns ain't plastic. Gettin' sliced, get blasted. I break that fourth wall!♫" "♫Killin' for money Killin' for money Killin' for money♫" "♫But them mutant girls! The way you grab me. And then you stab me. Go ahead, get at me.♫ Chimichanga! What up? Chimichanga! What up?" If any of you saw the video of what happened, then you knew what happened. If not... let's just say that right now, I'm not even sure how Deadpool lives with himself. Twilight stared with her mouth wide open as I came back, shivering uncontrollably with random goats around me. "What happened!?" she asked "...You don't wanna know." I answered "I... I wanna go home now." "I'll take you, then." She stood next to me and helped me walk. "Aw, so many goats!" Fluttershy squeed, hugging one close to her. "I call this one 'Horny'!" Deadpool added, picking up another goat. "Horns!" Pinkie added with a snort-laugh mix. To make this short, I got another kiss from Twilight, and wished her good luck. Oh god, what happened here!? ...Fallout 4!
Holiday Special #1: How Deadpool stole Hearts WarmingAuthor's Note More will come, and I had a blast with this! Please, I'm no Dr.Seuss, so my rhyming isn't the best. Also, 420 likes!?!?!? Pass me the weed!!! You don't even smoke! ...Way to ruin the joke. Holiday Special #1: How Deadpool stole Hearts Warming Every Pony down in Ponyville liked Hearts Warming a lot But Deadpool, who lived just North of Ponyville, did not. Deadpool hated Hearts Warming! The whole holiday season! Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason. It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. How would that make me not rest!? It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right. That may just be the best. But I think that the most likely reason of all, May have been that his heart was two sizes too small. But, whatever the reason, his heart, his shoes, or just being horny He stood on his balcony on Hearts Warming Eve, hating everypony, I ain't a hater like you! So you can suck on Deez Nuts too! Staring down from his roof with a sour, Pool-ey frown At the warm lighted windows below in the town, For he knew every Pone down in Ponyville beneath Was busy now hanging a ponified wreath. Noe, behind the scenes, Deadpool's Best friend came. Bob was his name, and Hydra wasn't really his game And they're hanging their stockings, he snarled with a sneer. Tomorrow is Hearts Warming! It's practically here! Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming, I must find some way to keep Christmas from coming! For, tomorrow, I know all the Who girls and boys Will wake bright and early. They'll rush for their toys! And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise! There's one thing I hate! All the NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! And they'll shriek squeaks and squeals, racing 'round on their wheels. They'll dance with jingtinglers tied onto their heels. They'll blow their floofloovers. They'll bang their tartookas. They'll blow their whohoopers. They'll bang their gardookas. They'll spin their trumtookas. They'll slam their slooslunkas. They'll beat their blumbloopas. They'll wham their whowonkas. And they'll play noisy games like zoozittacarzay, A roller-skate type of lacrosse and croquet! And then they'll make ear-splitting noises galooks On their great big electro whocarnio flooks! Then the Ponies, young and old, will sit down to a feast. And they'll feast! And they'll feast! And they'll FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! They'll feast on pudding, and rare roast beats! Raw roast beats is a feast I can't stand in the least! And then they'll do something I hate most of all! Every Pony down in Ponyville, the tall and the small, They'll stand close together, with Hearts Warming bells ringing. They'll stand hand-in-hand, and those ponies will start singing! The Fire of Friendship lives in our hearts As long as as it burns we cannot drift apart Though quarrels arise their numbers are few Laughter and singing will see us through We are a circle of pony friends A circle of friends we'll be 'til the very end And they'll sing! And they'll sing! And they'd SING! SING! SING! SING! And the more the Grinch thought of this Pony Heart warming Sing, The more the Grinch thought, I must stop this whole thing! Why for twenty-one years I've put up with it now! I must stop Christmas from coming! But how? ... Oh! I got an idea! It's an awful idea! It's a wonderful, awful idea! I know what you can do! Bob laughed in his throat. I'll make a quick Santa Claus hat and a coat. Deadpool chuckled, and clucked, What a great, Wade/Bob trick! With that coat and that hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick! You're a mean one, Mr. Wade. You really are a heel. You're as cuddly as a cactus. You're as charming as an eel. Mr. Wade! You're a bad banana with a... greasy black peel! You're a monster, Mr. Wade. Your heart's an empty hole. Your brain is full of spiders. You've got garlic in your soul. Mr. Wade! I wouldn't touch you with a... thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole! Now All I need is a reindeer. Deadpool looked around. But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found. Did that stop Deadpool? Hah! Deadpool simply said, If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead! So he took his friend Bob, and he took some black thread. And he tied a fake d**k on top of his head. Then he loaded some bags and some bottles to collect sobs On a ramshackle sleigh and he whistled for Bob. Then Deadpool said "Giddyap!" and the sleigh started down Toward the homes where the Ponies lay a-snooze in their town. All their windows were dark. No one knew he was there. All the Ponies were all dreaming sweet dreams without care When he came to the first little house of the square. This is stop number one, the old Pooley Claus hissed, As he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist. Then he slid down the chimney, a rather tight pinch. But if Santa could do it, then so could the man-b***h. Hey! That's not fair! For that, you're nt going to get my share! He got stuck only once, for a minute or two. Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue Where the little pony stockings hung all in a row. These stockings, he grinched, are the first things to go! Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant, Around the whole room, and he took every present! Pop guns, pampoogas, pantookas, and drums! Checkerboards, bizilbigs, popcorn, and plums! And he stuffed them in bags. Then Deadpool, very nimbly, Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney. You're a vile one, Mr. Wade. You have termites in your smile. You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile. Mr. Wade! Given the choice between the two of you I'd take the... seasick crocodile! You're a rotter, Mr. Wade. You're the king of sinful sots. Your heart's a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots. Mr. Wade! You're a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce! Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the ponies' feast! He took the pudding! He took the roast beats! He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash. Why, Deadpool even took the last can of Pony-hash! Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee. Now, grinned Deadpool, I will stuff up the tree! As the Grinch took the tree, as he started to shove, He heard a small sound like the coo of a dove. He turned around fast, and he saw a small foal! Little Princess Skyla, the replacement for Brony's coal. She stared at Deadpool and said, Santy Hooves, why, Why are you taking our Hearts Warming tree? Why? But, you know, that Deadpool wasn't so smart and slick, But he thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick! POCKET SAND!!! the fake Santy Claus yelled The filly screamed, bumping her head and fell. She was unconscious, this was good, Deadpool left a can to make it look she ate all of the food. And when Skyla was lying with with her beer-filled cup, He crupt to the chimney and stuffed the tree up! Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar. And the last thing he took was the log for their fire. On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire. And the one speck of food that he left in the house Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse. Then he did the same thing to the other Ponies' houses, Leaving crumbs much too small for the other mouses! You nauseate me, Mr. Wade, with a nauseous super "naus"! You're a crooked dirty jockey and you drive a crooked hoss. Mr. Wade! Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled up knots! You're a foul one, Mr. Wade. You're a nasty-wasty skunk. Your heart is full of unwashed socks. Your soul is full of gunk. Mr. Wade! The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote, "Stink, stank, stunk"! It was quarter of dawn. All the Ponies still a-bed, All the ponies still a-snooze, when he packed up his sled, Packed it up with their presents, their ribbons, their wrappings, Their snoof and their fuzzles, their tringlers and trappings! Ten thousand feet up, up the side of Mount Crumpet, He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it! Pooh-pooh to the Pones! he was grinchily humming. They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming! They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do! Their mouths will hang open a minute or two Then the Ponies down in Ponyville will all cry boo-hoo! Unfortunately him, throughout the night, He was watched by Princess Luna, just out of his sight. She saw what he was doing and knew what she had to do: Summon the spirits of those he knew! Concentrating her horn, she fired at the Deadpool, At which he fell, snoring with drool. I don't know if you can hear me, Dr. Pool, But what you've done isn't really cool. Hearts Warming is coming, this, you can't change, And please, don't use your devices that go 'bang!' Bob smiled nervously, and took Deadpool back to his bed, Then rejoined Luna, for Deadpool will be meet by the dead. So please, stay for part two And rhyming, this I'm finally through!
Holiday special #2: A Deadpool tale."~Deadpool." A ghostly voice spoke "~Deadpool!" "Go away." Deadpool groaned "You're gonna die, Santa." "DEADPOOL!!!" Wade snorted and woke up. He scratched his eyes and looked up. A familiar person stood, or in this case, floated near him. "...Oh hey! My O.C.: Deathstroke!" "I am not your O.C.! I came first! You're a copycat!" "Heh! Then why are you a ghost?" "You killed me, remember?" "...Oh yeah! DEATHBATTLE!!! Oh, please, let me have a new episode!" "Shut up! Deadpool, you have committed crimes-" "Not here." "Against the holidays. You're going to be visited by three spirits." "Aren't you one of them?" "...Not exactly. Now, listen to these spirits, or else you're going to die!" "HA!!! Good one! I never knew you were a joker! Ooh! Speaking of which! How's the horrid Jared Leto Joker coming? Are you going to be in with DC's version of 'The Expendables'?" Deathstroke remained silent. "Oh, did I hit a button there? Butthurt? I think it's butthurt. Want me to kiss it?" Deathstroke stabbed Deadpool in his face, knocking him out. "That feels better." Ghost of Hearths Warming past. Deadpool woke up in what was a swamp area. "Well... that was weird." Deadpool commented, looking around. "Where am I? Is this Froggy Bottom Bog? DO I GET TO KILL A HYDRA!?!?!?" "Kill one, you shall not." A wise voice with a familiar laugh spoke "Learn about the past, you will." Deadpool turned to see the famous Jedi Master himself, Yoda!!! "HOLY S**T!!! YODA!!!" "Heard about me, you had." "Damn straight!" "Ghost of Hearths warming past, I am." "Ooh! Are we going to explore the past of Equestria?" "Yours, we are." "...oh... well... question." "Hmm?" "Do you count the prequels as canon?" "... Forget the past, I had. Yours, we won't." "F**k." Yoda used the force and the place turned into what was a trailer park with snow falling. "This place, you remember?" "...Yeah. This was my old home." "Explore, we shall." They entered the home, seeing young Wade watching some old Christmas special on a really crappy T.V., his father snoring away on a recliner, and his mom making their dishes. "Hey! That's me when I was young! Man, I was so cute when the bruises went away! I was lucky when my father was asleep and when my mother was awake. Man, my father loved playing games like 'catch the bottle' to ' who can punch the hardest'. I always lost the last one." "Happened often?" Deadpool took off his shirt, seeing bruises on it. "That explain?" "...See it, I wish not." "Just wait until I got a girlfriend a couple of years later." "See it, we shall." Another time jump, and a teenage wade was making out with- "THE F**K!?!?!? That's a dude! Not a hot chick!!!" "Intoxicated, you were." "I f**ked a dude drunk!?" Both old & young wade's ceeks perked, turned to the left side, and puked on the floor. "What's the matter?" Deadpool's lover asked, revealing that it was Mr. Sinister before becoming Sinister. "It's Mr. Sinister too!?" He puked again. "I don't know, Debra." Young Wade replied "I feel... we have a connection, you know." "We have more than a connection." Sinsiter spoke seductively. "TURN IT OFF!!!" Deadpool yelled "TURN IT OFF!!!" Another scene change, and it revealed a mall. The mall was packed, but a line was formed, kids with their parents waiting to meet Santa. And in that line, near the front, was Deadpool. "Joy, you had here." Yoda spoke "Drunk, you weren't." "Yeah, I remember this. When I meet the most straight Santa ever." "One you're meeting, yes?" "No, that other one." He pointed at a strange looking Santa. "For some reason, that Santa reminds me of Celestia." Yoda face palmed himself. "Idiot, you are." Replace Delerious with Deadpool and the other Santa with you-know-who. At that moment, the rest of the Weapon X crew came along and killed the xenomorph attacking Deadpool. "Get off your ass, Wade!" Wolverine growled "You're still in this assassination!" "But Santa!" Past-Deadpool whined "I got a teddy from him." "There's no such thing as Santa!" Sabertooth yelled. "...S-Santa... isn't real?" "NO!!!" they all yelled. Deadpool stared into space. His childhood crumbled as he envisioned himself falling into the world of adults with an overused 'Boom'. Omega red slapped him. "Focus!" he yelled "We must kill target before going home." "... I don't want to anymore." Deadpool replied. "If you do this, I'll show you my twins." Lady Deathstrike spoke seductively. Deadpool's head popped up. "B-Boobies?" "Oh yes! Our target is disguised as Santa, and he-" Deadpool disappeared. "And he's going on a murder spree now?" Sabertooth asked "Most likely." Wolvierine replied, taking a cigar and lighting it. "Nice job on telling him Santa didn't exist." "He's a full grown man believing a fat man delivers presents to good boys & girls." Deathstrike replied. "Someone needs to tell him." "... I'll be back in base." Omega Red commented, walking away. "What happened, you remember?" Yoda asked. "Oh yeah!" Present-pool replied "And I believe I have the most fitting song to go with this." Past-Pool went on a killing spree, killing anyone dressed up as Santa in horrible ways with 'Get ready to die' playing. To say this was ugly is an understatement, as kids everywhere cried, seeing 'Santa' getting killed from another man in red who looked a lot like Spider-Man. And that is why J. Jonah Jameson beleive Spider-Man is a criminal. "Horrible, this is." Yoda commented. "Not as bad as your prequels!" Present-Pool commented, followed by some 'OOHS!!!' Yoda stared at him angrily. A lightsaber levitated and was thrown into Deadpool's head. Ghost of Hearth's Warming Present. Deadpool woke up to be on a cloud above Equestria. "Butthurt, Yoda is." Deadpool spoke as he got up. "Welcome, Deadpool." a woman's voice spoke from behind. Deadpool turned around to see a pale blue pegasus mare with a white mane & blue stripes, but had much more paler eyes. "I am Snowdrop, the ghost of Hearths warming present." "Aw, aren't you adorable!" Deadpool replied, followed with him- "HEY! No blind jokes!" ...What!? Deadpool, I though you- "Only with Daredevil, but this is a pony! Plus, she's dead! Respect the dead you sick f**k!" "Who was that?" she asked "Just a F**kboi." You're a F**k boy! "What's a f**k boy?" she asked. "Nothing to go with this. So~ What are you here for?" "To show you what's happening right now." Deadpool snickered. Snowdrop stared at him angrily, then kicked him in the nuts. He fell to the floor, wheezing. "Funny now?" "...My bad." "Good! Now, just watch." The place changed into Ponyville. The sun rose and, as if on cue, all the fillies & colts woke up to cheer as presents are found underneath their Hearthswarming tree. "Hey! I broke into every home and took their presents away!" "You did, but Princess Luna found you doing this and delivered all the presents & decorations back to their owners." "Every single one?" "She's very organized than you think. Plus, look." At Deadpool's own house, Bob, Weasel, Blind Al, Vanessa, Cable, and Death all sat together, opening presents to each other. "Hey! Why am I not there!?" "This is a few hours into the future, and this is if you didn't listen to us." "Hold on! This is the future? Shouldn't you be the ghost of Hearthswarming future!?" "No. This is still technically today, the future is in the next day." "Damn it." "And they're not the only ones celebrating this wonderful time." They then saw many important things happening: The Apples and pies spending the time together, Rainbow Dash going to Scootaloo's house, Rarity & Sweetie Belle going to their parent's home, Fluttershy & Discord celebrating Discord's first official Hearths warming, and Twilight with- "Stop making out with Twilight, Author!" Oh s**t! Who-Who put that there!? I-I-I certainly didn't! That's... that's a fart! "Quit lying to yourself, virgin!" "Who's a virgin?" Snowdrop asked "The person who made this." "...Ok. But, you get what I'm saying? All of these ponies and your friends are enjoying the holidays, so you should as well." "F**k no!" Cheerful music began to play. "Will singing help you change?" "I'd rather have Mr. Sinister F**k me again... sober, this time." " Too bad. ♫It's in the singing of a street corner choir It's going home and getting warm by the fire It's true, where ever you find love, it feels like Hearth's warmness♫" The Cakes followed the singing blind pegasus. They gave a gift to Littlepip & Blackjack. "♫A cup of kindness that we share with another A sweet reunion with a friend or a brother In all the places you find love, it feels like Hearth's warmness♫" "♫It is the season of the heart A special time of caring The ways of love made clear It is the season of the spirit The message if we hear it Is 'Make it last all year'♫" Changelings began to sing. "♫It's in the giving of a gift to another A pair of mittens that were made by your mother It's all the ways that we show love that feel like Hearth's warmness.♫" Celestia & Luna, followed by Deadpool's own voices "♫A part of childhood we'll always remember It is the summer of the soul in December♫" ♫It's when you do your best for love, it feels like Hearth's warmness.♫ More Solo, but was now followed by the town, including moi, singing. "♫It is the season of the heart A special time of caring The ways of love made clear It is the season of the spirit The message if we hear it Is 'Make it last all year'♫" She landed back to Deadpool, who began to dance along. "♫It's in the singing of a street corner choir It's going home and getting warm by the fire It's true, where ever you find love, it feels like Hearth's warmness! It's true, where ever you find love... It feels like Hearth's warmness It feels like Hearth's warmness It feels like Hearth's warmness It feels like Hearth's warmness♫" "Wow... that was something." Deadpool commented. "Thanks," Snowdrop answered "but you may not want to look up." "Oh sure! I 'won't'!" He looked up, only to see an icicle coming down into his face. Ghost of Hearth's Warming Future. "Ow!" Deadpool yelled, sitting right up. "Should've moved a couple of steps to the side." He looked around, seeing that he was in an abandoned building. "Hello!? Last spirit? I've come to deal with your bulls**t!" He looked up to see what looked like, hanging like a bat, a Slender-Man looking, but had a face. "Uh... what the f**k is that? And why is it so creepy?" That, Deadpool, is the Silence. And as for why it's creepy, well, I decided that it's fitting and that you should Watch Dr. Who every now & then. "Yeah... I'm leaving!" Deadpool turned around, only to encounter another Silence. "The f**k!?" Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that they travel in groups. "You b*****d!" "Deadpool~" The silence spoke in an echoing like, yet silent tone. "We are the spirits of Hearths warming Future. Heed these warnings or else you will perish." "Now that's just terrifying on how hey say it!" The place changed as it revealed a graveyard with a funeral taking action. All around, ponies were everywhere, weeping as a casket was lowered. "It was such a shame for him to go like that." Fluttershy weeped. "I know," Twilight added "I never knew a single piece of metal could kill him." "Who's in the casket!?" Deadpool asked "What's in the box!? WHAT'S IN THE F***ING BOX!?!?!?" The silence opened it, revealing that it was Deadpool himself. "...How did I die!?" The place changed again, revealing Deadpool was having a nice stroll from the park. Somewhere else, two other ponies were observing a piece of metal found on the floor. "This is certainly a new metal." One of the two spoke "Think we can use them?" "Yeah, just place it on the counter." The other replied. The piece of metal was put on the corner, but it fell out of a window. Deadpool was underneath the window. It fell into his head and he died instantly. "...Carbonatium!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled "I died from Carbonatium!? This can't get any worse." It does. Blind Al is taken to the home, Weasel is finally free to do what he wants, Bob was able to both kill the Red Skull and become the face of Hydra, Vanessa dies from a lack of Deadpool (because reasons), Cable had to switch to Direct T.V. to survive (but died in debt), and the worst part of it all involved lady Death. "U wot m8!?" Yes, after finding out the way Deadpool died, Lady Death rejected Deadpool's soul and instead went to her ex, Thanos. "That purple b***h!?" And, with no Deadpool or crew to stand up & fight, not only was earth conquered, but Equestria as well. Turns out, the Elements of Harmony were more infinity stones, so while Thanos was able to kill the tree of harmony easily, he had to make a third glove to fit the elements in. And if you want to know where he has a third, you don'[t want to know. "Wow... all of this because I hate the fat red man who calls himself a saint but ruined the holidays?" Yes. And, with all of this, both worlds were destroyed by Galactus in the following week. And sorry, not the giant man in pink, but the giant fart cloud. "Damn you Fox for ruining everything!!!" And speaking of Fox, in the future, the Deadpool film did terrible for the critics- "That's not much of a surprise!" and the audience. "...What?" Turns out, the film was so terrible in so many ways; predictable & terrible plot, jokes so bad that it makes Adam Sandler films look like Oscar deserving films, effects that are even worse than Fant4stic's and Green Lantern's combined, terrible fighting complete with so much shaky cams, and, as icing on top of this, it did worse than the Jem film. "LIES!!! THEY'RE LIES!!!" "You must change your ways, Deadpool." The silence instructed "Follow these, or else this will happen!" "Never! I'll avoid windows!!!" "You cannot escape your own destiny! Follow these, and you might survive to stop these things from happening." "I'll think on it then. Now, what's gonna happen this time? Are you going to point at me with your d**k fingers and fire lightning at me?" They did just that, though their 'mouths' opened while doing it, looking a bit like the famous 'Scream' portrait. Author's Note Part three is coming before the 25th. Now... I didn't plan this either, but the next chapter is the 100th chapter. So~... YOU GET TO MAKE THE NEXT CHAPTER!!! Hearths warming related is all it needs to be, but go crazy!
Holiday Special #3: The true face of evilDeadpool woke up again from his sleep, right on his bed, seeing that he accidentally wetted the bed. "F**K!!!" He yelled "Now I gotta do my laundry! Thanks Obama!" "Your welcome." Obama replied before walking out. ...What!? Just roll with it. Deadpool grumbled to himself, picking up his bed sheets and walked around in his underwear as he did some laundry. Looking out of a window, he saw snow falling as Celestia's sun was beginning to rise. He growled to himseolf again, opening the door to Bob's room (nicknamed the 'Harry Potter Closet' because of the first movie), seeing him snore. "Wake up Dip s**t!" he yelled. Bob snorted awake. "...What?" he asked "Do we still have those presents?" "...Nah." "WHAT!?" "That Dark horse, Luna, took the presents back to their owners." "And you didn't do anything to stop her!?" "...She gave me this." He held up a Chubbie plushie of Luna. Deadpool groaned. "Aw F**k me! Hearths Warming is here! Ungrateful b*****ds!" A loud 'THUMP' was heard on the roof. "...What was that!?" "...Stay in your room. I got a good idea who it is." Bob closed his door as Deadpool quickly put on some pajamas, took some guns, and his twin katanas. He peeked around the corner, seeing the man himself: SANTA CLAUS!!! Deadpool saw the various gifts Santa was leaving under a tree he didn't place there. "For Cable," Santa listed "A new ray gun! For Bob, a job application for S.H.I.E.L.D., Weasel will love this new tablet, Lady Death will love the souls of my retired Elves, Copycat, this Vibrator, and for Deadpool-" Deadpool placed the barrel of his gun behind Santa's head. "Don't you dare move a f**king muscle." Now we ARE going on the naughty list for sure. But Santa's naughty! What!? How-!? We'll explain. "Santa," Deadpool began to monologue "For many years, I have hunted you down every holiday season to stop your power." "Power?" Santa asked "I don't want power! I just want to spread Christmas cheer to-" Deadpool pistol whipped ol' Saint Nick. "Shut the F**k up! You only spread cheer to those who celebrate Christmas! What about the Jews who celebrate Hanukkah!? Or the Black people who celebrate Kwanzaa!? Huh!? And with Christmas, you're taking the day away from Jesus Christ, the savior of us sinners, God's only child, the guy who people think is white with long hair but is actually black with short hair!!! You friends with him, or are you trying to take his not-birthday-birthday away!?" Santa coughed. "Please... I let people celebrate what they want, and they-" Another pistol whip. "That was a rhetorical question! How about this: why do you only hang out with the rich kids!? You leave all the homeless kids and orphans alone with no present! And when you do leave them a present, it's the most s*******t presents! How about the other kids in 2nd and 3rd world countries!? Is that where you get your elves: kidnapping children away from their families to become your personal slaves in making & creating toys and other s**t that you know will crash the market of other companies that worked for that s**t!? HUH!?" "No! I-it's nothing like that! It's-" "And what about your abilities!? You see everyone when their sleeping, you know when they're awake! You part of the NSA or some s**t like that!? You part of some government s**t!? How are you immortal!? Introduced at around 280 A.D. in Patara, near Myra in modern-day Turkey, and yet, you're still alive for some reason!? You got a healing factor like me and Wovlie!? Or... of course... all of this leads to one thing... of course! You're part of the Illuminati!!!" REALLY!?!?!? Eeyup! Santa began to laugh, but not in the classic 'ho-ho-ho', but like that of a villain. "So... after years of doing this, someone finally figures it out." Santa spoke, turning to Deadpool. "That's right, Wade. I am not part of the Illuminati... I AM the Illuminati!!! How else am I able to get away with this stuff but the Government does nothing in their power to stop me!?" "Easy: You bribe them! You made yourself the face of Christmas, companies use you, they get tons of money from customers needing to buy stuff for their friends, family, and coworker-" "And in turn, I get my share, as well as the Government not doing anything." "But how are you still alive!?" "... The fountain of Youth. It's not in Florida, well... not anymore... but I took it! It's in the North pole with me!" "Of course! You bathe in it so much that you retain all of your youth and stay as Santa for the years to come!" "And I'm gonna continue that!" "Oh yeah! How!?" Santa punched Deadpool in the nuts. He stood up and exited through the chimney "...Okay... good one." Santa Flew over Ponyville, his sack still stuffed with toys and presents that will be given to the NSA's worker's families. All the ponies woke up and looked outside, seeing Santa fly over them, feeling awe & wonder. That was cut off shortly when Deadpool appeared behind Santa, dropped something, disappeared, and the sleigh with Santa exploded. Everypony came out of their homes to see Deadpool standing, and peeing, into the flaming crater with the burning sleigh and deer corpses. "Deadpool!" Twilight yelled "What are you doing!?" "Taking a number 1!" Deadpool replied, not looking back and still peeing. "It's been a long time since I peed! Am I even finished?" "Did Deadpool kill Santa Hooves?" Applebloom whimpered. "Nah! I killed Santa CLAUS! Besides, you're going to love these." As he still peed, he pulled a trigger and detonated it. Another explosion, and presents came out of the burning sleigh, falling everywhere with names labeled for everypony he meet. Wait... how-? Just roll with it. Because... Reasons, I guess. "Happy Hearths Warming to all!" Deadpool cheered, STILL peeing! The ponies cheered as they looked for and received their gifts from Deadpool/ the dead Santa. "Ah... now I'm finished. This was... pretty easy, actually. I actually wanted a challenge." Ah, for you, Deadpool, is my Christmas/ Hearths warming gift to you. Up in the sky, the clouds formed together and darkened the sky. Lightning clashed, and the figure of someone else came. "Ah S**t. I should've accepted that as an ending." Down from the sky, a shadow came and possessed the burning corpse of Santa, making it rise and let out a terrifying screech! This, readers, isn't jolly old Saint Nick anymore- He was never a saint! But this was his shadow: Krampus! Oh great, another jumpscare 'horror' villain. "Deadpool!" Krampus shouted "I should thank you for this! Killing my good side has made me more powerful! Now I will spread fear and murder everyone who doesn't believe in me!" "Wow... now that's racist!" Deadpool replied. A wormhole opened, and the Dark Elves from Thor: The dark world came out, all dressed like the cliched Santa Elves and had Christmas painted weapons. "And... this is gonna be challenging." You wanted a challenge, I gave you one! "Not like this! Plus... Is that Carbonatium!?" "Si." One of the elves replied. "...Wow... I'm dead." Oh quit your whining! Another portal opened behind Deadpool, and the Deadpool Corps came out. "Someone called for us?" Fem-Pool asked. "Holy s**t! This is better, but we're gonna need-" "Say no more!" Kid-pool interrupted "We have back-up." Following behind, Millions of other Pools came out, all different in one way. Deadpool's nose let out a booger as he made a ridiculous happy face. "It's a Hearth's warming Miracle!" "*CHARGE!!!*" Dog-Pool barked. All of the Deadpools charged with Krampus's evil elf army. The result... for a lack of better words, was chaotic. Aw! How come I'm not with them? Because... reasons! Say, while they're fighting, want to watch the trailer to the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? ...Eh, I don't see why not. *One Viewing later* Okay, now THAT'S much better than it's predecessor! Hell yeah! Let's see how everyone is... oh... the fight is over. Dead Elves, injured pools healing right now, and Krampus is impaled by Celestia and Luna. Deadpool? Are you- "Happy Hearths warming eve, everypony!" Deadpool cheered with... who is that? "Jesus!" ...That's not Jesus. That's a Mexican. "Yeah! Jesus! Hey-Zeus." ...OH!!! Well... I guess that's... alright. Oh look! Marble Pie! "Marble!?" Deadpool looked down to see the shy mare next to him. "Is there something you wanted to say?" She cleared her throat... and... sang!!! "♫Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright...♫" With the help of Discord, Marble was in a dress with a microphone as Pinkie played a trumpet while dressed up as an extra from the Blues Brothers ♫Round yon virgin Mother and Child, holy Infant so tender and mild, Sleep in heavenly peace, Sleep in heavenly peace!!!♫ Deadpool stared with his mouth low as the force of her singing caused every other Deadpool to be fired back into their dimension, and Everypony to stare in awe. Marble just blushed as she gently dropped the mic, followed by a hug from all of her sisters. Oh... my... god! It was short... but that's all what we needed! Deadpool's heart stopped from the epicness. Everypony ran to Deadpool and gave him the biggest group hug know to Ponykind. "Happy Hearth's warming eve!!!" They all cheered Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy shut the f**k up! Good wishes to all, and to all a happy new year! Author's Note
Hello, Pulp Fiction: Pony #137 & 138: Svengallop and Coloratura/RaraDeadpool walked around the the fair village of Ponyville, walking around in his new Sans jacket, enjoying the stroll as ponies everywhere played in the snow. Man... it sure is peaceful around here. Yeah... I hate it. Don't worry, something's going to happen. Really? Where? "OOF!!!" Deadpool shouted. He tripped over another pony, a mare by the looks of it. "Ow." "Oh my! I'm so sorry!" the mare quickly spoke, running with her hooves crushing the snow. "Are you alright?" Deadpool looked up to the mare, seeing the indigo mane with opal highlights and the aquamarine gray coat. "...Oh... my... God... RARA!!!" "What!?" Deadpool quickly hugged the mare, making her squeak. "Oh! Rara! Please!!! Let me learn how to be a wonderful singer like you! I want to have a voice that'll make dudes everywhere turn gay and women wet whenever I sing!" "...What?" "There you are, Countess Coloratura!" An all too familiar voice spoke. Both looked up to see a white stallion with a vermilion mane & tail, round glasses, and wearing a blue suit that covered his whole body, cutie mark including. Oh hell no! For every great thing, we get a piece of s**t. "What are you doing with that creature in red spandex!?" The stallion spoke in his annoying tone "This will look horrible to the public on your next show!" "Svengallop," Rara replied, standing up. "I just bumped into him." "Yeah!" Deadpool added "I bumped into Rara and I'm asking to be in a duo with her, you little b-" "I don't care what you were doing," the stallion spoke, taking Rara away "but Countess Coloratura can't be around the likes of a lowlife like you." LOWLIFE!?!?!? You little b***h!!! "Sven," Rara spoke in an irritated tone "please, he's just like a normal pony like you and me." "He isn't a pony." Sven replied "He's... what are you?" A pimp! A psychopath "Deadpool." He simply replied, crossing his arms. Both Sven and Rara's pupils shrunk and eyes widened, followed by their ears flattening to the side of their heads. They took a few steps back. "Uh... it was nice meeting you... Deadpool... I... uh... need Coloratura to-" Deadpool teleported, picking up Rara. "NO!!! My Rara!!!" "Ok, how do you know my nickname?" Rara asked "I'm a close friend of A.J.!" "... Oh... so you were the 'special friend' Applejack made." "Eeyup!" "SECURITY!!!" Sven yelled. Some other ponies in security outfits came out of nowhere and tackled Deadpool, making his drop Coloratura. He teleported away before the unicorns could use a spell that was equivalent to a taser, landing on the roof above them, but still out of sight. He watched as Coloratura was taken away by the security and Svengallop following them. That's OUR Rara!!! I do wonder though; why is she still working for him? "She won't by the end of this chapter!" Deadpool broke the 4th wall again. "Now where's that scene?" In Manehatten, Svengallop sat in his office at the top floor of the music industry. Right next to him, sitting while sharpening a sword, was a lone griffin bodyguard. Entering the office was a mare wearing a french maid outfit. Balancing in her mouth was a tray with, on it, a hayburger, fries, and a drink. "Sir?" she spoke in a kindly way, placing the tray on Sven's desk "Somepony wishes to meet you." "Who is it and what do they want?" Sven asked impatiently. "It's... well... they wish to remain anonymous, but they're here to discuss about your dealership with Countess Coloratura. They want her free from your dealership." "...She signed the waiver and I have made her the most successful singer since-" The mare glowed and out popped Deadpool and Discord, both wearing matching suits. The mare was revealed to be nothing more of a suit, no doubt from Pinkie's collection. "Looks like me and Discord caught you boys at breakfast." Deadpool taunted "Sorry about that. Whatcha having?" "Uh... hayburgers." Sven replied, stunned at the sight "Hayburgers! The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast! What kind of hamburgers?" "Uh, Ch-cheeseburgers." "No, where'd you get them? McDonald's, Wendy's, Jack in the Box, where?" "Um, Big Macuna Burgers." "Big Mauna Burgers! That's that Hawaiian burger joint. I hear they've got some tasty burgers. I ain't never had one myself, how are they?" "G-Good. "You mind if I try one of yours? This is yours here, right?" "Yeah." Deadpool took the bottom part of his mask off, showing his lips as he took a bite of the Hayburger. "Mmm, this is a tasty burger! Discord, you ever had a Big Macuna Burger?" Discord shook his head as he explored the place, looking for the dealership. "Want a bite, they're real tasty." "Ain't hungry." Discord simply spoke "Well, if you like burgers, give them a try sometime. Me, I can't usually get 'em because my girlfriends are vegetarians, which, pretty much makes me a vegetarian. I do love the taste of a good burger. You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with cheese in Prance?" "Um, no." Sven answered "Tell 'em, Discord." "Royale with cheese." Discord answered "'Royale with cheese.' Know why they call it that?" "Uh, because of the the metric system?" Sven asked "Check out the big brain on Sven! You're a smart motherf****r. That's right, the metric system." He threw the burger on the floor and pointed at the soda "What's in this?" "Cider." "Cider, good. Mind if I have some of your tasty beverage to wash my mouth?" "Go right ahead." Deadpool took a sip from the cider "Ah! That hit the spot. You! Chicken!" He walked to the griffin. "You know why we're here? Why don't you tell yDis where the case is?" "It's over there." "I DON'T REMEMBER ASKING YOU A GOD DAMN THING!!! ... you were saying?" "It's over there." The griffin spoke, pointing at some safes. Discord inspected the safes. "N-no, the one by your knees." After some inpection, Discord found the briefcase that contained Coloratura's papers and opened it, to which it had a yellow glow and spoke 'Hallelujah'. "We happy?" Discord stared into the case. "Discord!?" He tured to Wade. "We happy?" "Yeah, we happy." Discord replied. "Look, what's your name?" Sven asked "I get you're Discord, but what's your-?" "My name's Wade, and you ain't talkin' your a** outta this s**t." Deadpool answered. "I just want you to know how sorry I am about my deal with Coloratura. When she entered into this business, I only had the best intentions-" Deadpool pulled out his gun and shot the lone griffin mercenary next to him. Sven s**t his pants. He didn't cry or whimper, but he's so full of fear, it's as if his body is imploding. "Oh, I'm sorry. Did that break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that. Please, continue. You were saying something about 'best intentions'." Sven just stared at the sight with his mouth wide open, trying to comprehend the sight. "Whats the matter?... Oh, you were finished! Well, let me retort. What does Coloratura looks like?" "W-what?" Deadpool, flipped the card table over, removing the only barrier between himself and Brett. Brett now sits in a lone chair before Jules like a political prisoner in front of an interrogator. "What country you from!?" "What?" "'What' ain't no country I know! Do they speak English in 'What'!?" "What? "English-motherf****r-do-you-speak-it?" "Yes!" "Then you understand what I'm sayin'? "Yes!" "Now describe what Coloratura looks like!" "What?" Deadpool placed his gun on Sven's head "Say 'What' again! Say 'What' again! I dare ya, I double dare ya motherf****r, say 'What' one more goddamn time! Now describe to me what Coloratura looks like!" "Well she's... she's... an earth pony–" "-go on!" "...and she's... she's... got a black mane-" "-does she look like a b***h?! "What?" He shot Sven in the shoulder. Sven screams, breaking into a spasm in the chair. "Does-she-look-like-a-b***h?! "No!" "Then why did you try to f**k 'er like a b***h?!" "I didn't!" "Yes ya did! Ya tried ta f**k 'er. You ever read the Bible, Brett?" "...No." "Well then...There's a passage I got memorized, which seems appropriate for this situation: Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my fingers upon thee!!!" Sven screamed loudly as both Discord and Deadpool shot at Sven, purposely missing him as he screamed like a little b***h. Sven stopped screaming after the shooting came to a stop, shaking in his chair as Deadpool and Discord took camera out of the floors and walls. "This is going viral on the internet!" Discord cheered with a childish squee. "Yeah! And Quentin Tarantino will be so happy!!!" They both teleported away as Sven shook uncontrollably. The lone griffin woke up with a moan. "Ugh... I hate ketchup." He groaned. Coloratura/Rara woke up but noticed something very different. Normally, she'd wake up in either a fancy hotel room or that large golden pyramid thing Svengallop makes her travel in, but she saw beautiful trees overhead with birds flying overhead. She looked around and saw that she was in an old, familiar place. "Is this... Camp Friendship!?" she asked herself. Another groan was heard, not too far from her. She got up and walked across the dirt floor, seeing the old cabins while getting flashbacks about her past. She stopped as she saw Applejack, rubbing her head with her foreleg. The Farm pony stopped and saw the pop singer. "...Rara?" A.J. asked "A.J.?" Rara asked "Deadpool!!!" Deadpool shouted, appearing before them. "Deadpool!?" Both mares asked in shock. "I'm Sparticus!" A random stallion announced. All three turned to him with a strange look. The stallion cowered and walked away. "...What are ya'll doing here?" A.J. asked the Mercenary. "Isn't it obvious?" Deadpool replied with a wide grin. "I'm here to free Rara from her deal with Svengallop!" "...Say what?" "Free me?" Rara asked "What do you-?" "Roll the clip!" Deadpool shouted. "On it!" Pinkie replied, playing the video, via an old projector. The whole scene with Svengallop was, as you read, followed closely to Pupl Fiction, but it was then followed up by a scene with Sonata, Fluffle Puff, and Deadpool destroying the case, Office Space style. The video was quite shocking, and not just because it was daylight outside, but the actions Deadpool did that, though were for a pretty good cause, made it... weird, to say the least. That's when they saw Deadpool on the same stage Rara first performed, sitting near a piano "This is a song, which is really a first world rant on cellphone services, in which Adelle is talking to some guy or girl on the phone, using a s***ty flip phone, and to tell everyone that she's alive despite her constant tweets, with an otherwise boring hook that people believe is dramatic." ♫Hello; it's me; I was wondering If after all these years you'd like to meet to go over... everything They say that time's supposed to heal, yeah But I ain't done much healing♫ BULLS**T!!! ♫Hello, can you hear me? I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be When we were younger... and free I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet There's such a difference between us And a million miles♫ Here comes the hook. ♫Hello from the other side!!! I must've called a thousand times!!! To tell you I'm sorry, for everything that I've done But when I call you never seem to be home Hello from the outside!!! At least I can say that I've tried To tell you I'm sorry, for breaking your heart But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore.♫ Just get Starbucks, you'll feel much better. ♫Hello, how are you? It's so typical of me to talk about myself, I'm sorry I hope that you're well Did you ever make it out of that town where nothing ever happened? It's no secret That the both of us are running out of time♫ We're immortal. ♫So hello from the other side!!! I must've called a thousand times To tell you I'm sorry, for everything that I've done But when I call you never seem to be home Hello from the outside!!! At least I can say that I've tried To tell you I'm sorry, for breaking your heart But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore♫ You're overdramatic. ♫Ooh, anymore♫ I think she's on her period ♫Ooh, anymore♫ Eh, I guess ♫Ooh, anymore Anymore... Hello from the other side I must've called a thousand times To tell you I'm sorry, for everything that I've done But when I call you never seem to be home Hello from the outside At least I can say that I've tried To tell you I'm sorry, for breaking your heart But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore♫ Both A.J. and Rara stared at the beautiful sight as Deadpool finished the song, followed with him scratching his butt. Both mares fell to the floor, unconscious. "DAMN IT!!!" Deadpool yelled "I should've done Ariana Grande's 'Focus'!" Sorry, but Bill Cosby is in jail. Puddingpops! "That's gonna take forever, though. Oh well... happy new year everybody reading! Next year, we're gonna be much more crazier!!!" Author's Note Also, if you hate Svengallop, please, check out this funny comic by the DoubleWBrothers.
Starting the year right: Dragons #2-???: Garble and the other dragons. Starting the year right: Dragons #2-???: Garble and the other dragons. Inside and around an active volcano, dragons were everywhere! Many of the biggest, and older, dragons rested on the outside rim for warmth while others flew off to find jewels. Inside the volcano, younger and smaller dragons fought each other to see who'll be the alpha of all of them. Of course, with the title of this chapter, Garble was at the top, wrestling some other, scrawnier looking dragon. "Who else thinks they can beat me!?" Garble asked with large doses of pride. "I *Hic!* Can!" A voice spoke. Each of the dragons turned around, seeing Deadpool... Are... are you drunk!? "Bootysweat!" Oh Celestia! We're wasted! Sober wise, yes, but for these dragons, let's see. Deadpool took a long swig of... what is that? Cider? "Why is the rum always gone?" He asked himself, falling to the floor and puked like Gary. All of the dragons watched in disgust, one having to turn around and run away, puking himself. EWW!!! Now I feel sick! Ugh... Luckily... it was over, and Deadpool got up, wiping the vomit from his front. "There! Now I'm sober!" He said to himself before looking at the dragons "How the hell did I get here? And WHAT happened last night!?" ooh! Are we going home to find out what crazy thing happened? Like "The Hangover"!? I hope not; the sequels get horrible with each one. "Hey!" Garble yelled "You challenged me to a fight!?" "...I did!?" You did. You did. "Oh... well... COME AT ME BRO!!!" Garble charged at the Merc, claws ready to slice him. Deadpool screamed like a woman, pulling the bottle of rum he drank and threw it at Garble, knocking the teenage dragon out. "Great! You made me reference 'That's my boy'!" No link for it? Youtube doesn't have it... and it's better that way. Garble got up, rubbing his head with a bruise. "You used a weapon!?" He asked "... Kinda?" Deadpool replied, shrugging his shoulder while trying to look innocent. "Get 'im, boys!" All of the dragons cheered as they charged to Deadpool. "Oh s**t!" Before he could react, Deadpool was on the ground, punched and kicked by the gang of dragons, screaming like a girl. After a good, five minute beating, the dragons left the injured Deadpool. Since we all know Deadpool heals fast, he stood right up. "Hey! You failed to kill me!" "What the-!?" One of the dragons yelled. Deadpool pulled out a sandwich. A sandwich? How is a sandwich going to help us? Remember Castle crashers? ...Oh! Deadpool took a bit of the sandwich, glowed with a flash of both white & yellow, and was now just as buff as the hulk! And, right behind him, a heavy metal tune was heard. All of the dragons were, as you can imagine, brutally beaten up by the 'roid-raged Deadpool as the music played. ♫I am be dangerous now! Not me hurt When stairs fell down! Me pushed by you Me hit head! Me nose broke Soon you be dead! ... Soon you be dead! So strong, my face is You punch, break fingers! Kick me, you're limping Stab me, you're bleeding! I am be angerous now You throwing rock at me Hit eye and it no hurt me I'm strong You're not!... You're not! I'm making time for fighting, I'm clearing time for hitting, We'll meet and I will beat you, Our schedules permitting. I pick out fighting outfit; Don't want my pants too tight; Need clothes to breath to beat you You'll be beaten down tonight!!! ♫I'm so f*****g tough I'm so f*****g tough That's right! I'm so f*****g tough I'm so f*****g tough That's right! I'm so f*****g tough I'm so f*****g tough That's right! I'm so f*****g tough I'm so f*****g tough That's right!♫ ♫You're an ugly man You're as dumb as sand Your mom's f*****g fat Your mom blew a rat You are a mistake You have sex with cake You think you're so tough You're a living bluff I will put you down I will make you drown I will make you bleed I am filled with speed I cannot feel pain I might be insane I am victory I write history!!! Feel my fist On your face You hate this I feel great!!!♫ One, two, three, four Five, six, seven, eight One, two, three, four Five, six, seven, eight ♫So strong, my face is! You punch, break fingers! Kick me, you're limping! Stab me, you're bleeding! I am be furious now! You say the bad word at me! You pull a string and trip me! I fall down, You run!... You run!♫ ♫I am making time for fighting I think it's time to beat you I think it's good decision That I destroy and teach you You put on very fast shoes And try to run away I'm very strong and fast though You're going down today♫ ♫You're so f*****g weak I'm so f*****g strong That's right! You're so f*****g weak I'm so f*****g strong That's right! You're so f*****g weak I'm so f*****g strong That's right! You're so f*****gweak I'm so f*****g strong That's right!!!♫ ♫You're an ugly man You're as dumb as sand Your mom's f*****g fat Your mom blew a rat You are a mistake You have sex with cake You think you're so tough You're a living bluff I will put you down I will make you drown I will make you bleed I am filled with speed I cannot feel pain I might be insane I am victory I write history!!! Feel my fist On your face You hate this I feel great!!!♫ ... ♫You're an ugly man You're as dumb as sand Your mom's f*****g fat Your mom blew a rat You are a mistake You have sex with cake You think you're so tough You're a living bluff I will put you down I will make you drown I will make you bleed I am filled with speed I cannot feel pain I might be insane I am victory I write history!!!♫ After the very metal and brutal beatdown by Deadpool on his own, Garble laid on the floor, cowering in fear. Deadpool walked to him, powering down from the sandwich. "P-p-please!" Garble begged "D-don't h-h-hurt me-e-e-e!!!" "Oh, I'm not gonna hurt you," Deadpool replied with a s**t eating grin. "I'm gonna do something much worse." He turned around, his butt barely touching Garble's face. "NAGASAKI!!!" With the amount of fire around, and the methane that came out of Deadpool's... anus, it caused a huge explosion that fired the merc into the air! "I'M SO AWESOME!!!" After flying through the air, Deadpool crashed into an abandoned boat, causing it to move forward. "Whoo! That was so metal!" Deadpool commented. It sure was! Except for the fart joke. Deadpool looked ahead, seeing a portal opening up. "Hey! What's going on!?" Oh, you don't know? You're going to be in another fan-fic! "... I'm... I'm going to be in another Fan-Fic!?" Eeyup. "Oh... oh my god! What Fanfic am I going in!? Does it involve someone I know!? Ooh! Am I going to be with Deathstroke!? Or another Deadpool!? Oh! Wait, Is it with Tats!?" No. It's called: "When Lightning Strikes." "...That sounds... weird." Eh, don't worry, you'll do fine in there... I think. "Alright, whatever you say." Just enter like a pirate. "... Okay. I'm already on a boat, might as well do the jingle!" Before he could sing the famous Disney pirate tune, the entire ship and Deadpool entered the portal, going to the other Fanfic by FrostTheWolf. Frost... good luck. Author's Note Happy new year, folks!!! Want do do a crossover!? Just wait until Frost posts the crossover chapter with me, then we'll talk.
Where's the second season!? Pony #139: Lilly Longsocks/ PowerhouseInside Ponyville's local orphanage, a filly sat near the window, watching one of her friends leave with a new family. The filly had a pink coat with a purple mane that were tied like pigtails, and a cutiemark of what appeared to be either a hedgehog or a porcupine. "Please," she spoke to herself "Celestia... I just want a family." She looked out and saw a swirling vortex right out of her mirror. She also heard a tune that sounded heartwarming, inviting even... until the voices came. "♫Do you wanna kill some bad guys? They don't have to be bad guys.♫" "OH HELL NO!!!" "♫Okay bye~.♫" She saw the sillhouete of a strange creature, one that screamed weirdness. Firing quickly, splatting onto the side of the building, was Deadpool, back in the game! The filly was surprised at who landed on her window: The cutie Mark crusaders, Diamon Tiara, and Silverspoon had told her about Deadpool, from the way he looks to his... eccentric personality. Deadpool pulled his face off the window and saw the filly. They stared at each other for a while. "WAZZUP!!!" Deadpool yelled. The filly screamed and shut the curtains. Wait... what just happened!? We said 'Wazzup' to that strong filly and scared her. No,no,no. I meant before that! "We came from another fanfic! Maretropolis Ghoul by ElementBrigade. Though she was a ghoul from Tokyo Ghoul, that Kaoru knows how to fight... and the way she dressed, Raow!!!" But what about that Gunvolt guy? "Eh, he was pretty cool. I still want his Non-Moondancer! She was so adorable!" She was, but we have one problem. We got 99 problems and a b***h is one! Shut up! ElementBrigade's chapter isn't even up yet. What do you mean? By the time this is uploaded, the chapter having us in it isn't uploaded yet, meaning- "And this is over! Who's the lucky pony we meet next!?" ...Fine. It's like I'm talking to a rock. Tom's next!? No. We're going to meet... Lilly Longsocks, that filly we just saw. The one that looked like Pippy Longstocking? Yes... wait... how do you know that? I watched the cartoons. "Well let's meet our strong filly! We're going to have so much fun!" Lilly held onto her pillow, shaking in fear. Though she only heard about the various things Deadpool had done, she didn't want to meet him just yet, what with being the only human that was nigh invincible. She turned to her right as she heard a 'whoosh', and was meet by a finger poking her muzzle, making her scrunch. "Boop!" Confused, she moved her muzzle, then looked up, only to see Deadpool in front of her. He poked her muzzle again, another scrunch. "Boop!" Instead of focusing on her muzzle, Lily froze in fear, trembling as the Merc with the mouth sat next to her. Deadpool laughed and hugged her. "Aw! You're so cute!" Lilly struggled to get out of Deadpool's tight hug, but she was blinded by the sunlight as they teleported out of the orphanage to Ponyville's park. Deadpool dropped her and teleported away, returning with a picnic pattern blanket and basket in only seconds. He sat down, and though he wore his mask, Lily saw him with an anime cat-like smile. She sat down, though nervous, went along with the human's actions. "Uh... hi." she spoke sheepishly. "Hola! El nombre de Deadpool, y usted es Lilly calcetines largos, ¿verdad?" She blinked. "Uh... si?" "¡Excelente!" He opened the basket and gave Lily a plate, followed by a simple, hay sandwich with dandelions. He, on the other hand, pulled out a mouthwatering, freshly made- "What's that?" Lily stared and stood still in fear. "What's this!?" Deadpool asked "This, my filly friend, is the most epic creation that exists in any universe: La Chimichanga! Basically, it's a deep-fried burrito that's popular in Southwestern U.S. cuisine and the Mexican states of Sinaloa and Sonora. Typically prepared by filling a flour tortilla with a wide range of ingredients, most commonly rice, cheese, machaca, carne adobada, or shredded chicken, and folding it into a rectangular package. It is then deep-fried and can be accompanied with salsa, guacamole, sour cream, and cheese. If you want to know what it's like to be in heaven, this is the answer!" Using a fork and one of his swords, he cut off a small portion that had everything on it and handed it to the filly. "Try it!" Though she didn't want to, she took a bite out of it. Her mouth watered upon the taste, and she couldn't disagree, she really felt like she was in heaven. "This really is delicious!" she spoke "Told ya!" He ate the rest in less than a few seconds. "And that's how you eat the booty like groceries!" She tilted her head "...What?" "Some stupid song back home. I'm guessing that she actually kidnaps people to eat the booty like groceries, or she's a real fatty that eats too much." "O...kay?" "Anyways, I've seen what you're able to do, and I see the circumstance you were in." Her ears folded to the side with a noticeable blush. "You... you have?" "Indeed. That strength you have, it's unlike anything I've seen; lifting an entire schoolhouse for a bug without breaking a sweat?" "Um, it was for that one moment." "I know, but your strength is what's preventing you from finding a home, is it not?" Her head lowered. "Y-yes." "Freaks every interviewer out?" "Yes." "Try to hide it, but fail?" "...Yes." "Ah. Don't worry, lucky for you, I know someone that will take you in." Her head lifted up with perking ears. "Really!?" Deadpool teleported away, but returned with Maud Pie. "TA-DA!!!" Maud blinked slowly. "Why am I here?" she asked. "To meet your new daughter!!!" Maud looked at Lily. Lily blushed with her ears folded. "H-hi." Lily spoke sheepishly. Maud blinked, but stood up. "Sorry, I don't want any children." she walked away. Deadpool stood in front of her. "Hey! Give the filly a try." He ordered. "Lily! Show her your stuff." Lily nodded and went to a large boulder. She picked it up and, with a spin, she tossed the boulder high into the sky, disappearing into space. Maud blinked, but showed some interest. "Hm... interesting." Maud commented. "So~!?" Deadpool asked, leaning close to her face. Maud blinked. "...Alright, but for the month. If she's good enough... I guess I'll be her mother." "MOM!!!" Lily yelled, running and hugging Maud's barrel. Deadpool had another heart attack. The taco squad came to his side. "Another heart attack!" Pinkie exclaimed "Quickly! somepony! Help!" "I got it." Discord replied. He snapped, and Everyone was now in different costumes from a specific anime series. Both Maud & Lily wore matching yellow jumpsuits with red boots over their hooves & white capes, Discord was now an old man that knew Water Stream Rock Smashing Fist, Sonata was a ninja, Pinkie was in a black dress with a green mane, Fluffle Puff was in a dog costume, and Deadpool was in combat gear with a bike. If any of you have no idea what it is... you're no longer my friend! "Wow! Look at these costumes!!!" Lily exclaimed. "They're plain looking." Maud commented "I like it." The sky darkened as, towering over all of Equestria itself, was the dreaded planet eater himself, Galactus! SO? THIS IS WHERE MY HUNGER LEADS ME!? THIS WILL BE MUCH FASTER THAN BEFORE. Ah!!! Even his text is pink!!! At least he's not a stupid space cloud from that other fantastic 4 movie. Galactus extended his hand, releasing huge machines that would convert the planet into energy, as well as random servants straight from Marvel Ultimate Alliance "Oh boy! Action!" Deadpool spoke, pulling his sword out. "Yo! Hit the theme!!! "Lucky for you, we know Japanese." Discord replied Everyone used a mix of both their abilities and the anime character's abilities. Discord used both his chaotic and a new martial arts move, Pinkie was levitating everything and fired multiple party canons at the enemies, Sonata moved faster than the speed of sound as she sliced & used her singing voice, Fluffle Puff was toss around like a beachball, and Deadpool... he rode around in his bike while shooting at enemies. Both Maud and Lily looked up at Galactus, knowing what they had to do. "Let's make this quick." Maud spoke "Boulder needs to be feed." "Okay, mom." Lily replied. With a focused jump together, they both leapt to Galactus's face. A single punch was needed, as Galactus's head literally exploded from the sheer awesomeness of both mares punching. Somewhere else: Uatu watched as Galactus's head exploded. "... With all things done," he spoke to himself "I have never once imagined something being able to destroy the planet devourer himself. Whatever you did, Deadpool, keep it in check and use it to defeat Thanos when he comes for you." The door behind him opened, and another being came in. "Eh, don't worry about him." she spoke, snacking on a sandwich "I'm certain that he'll save both of our worlds through his craziness with some of his other friends through these... 'crossovers'." "I pray you are right. If he fails... then we may be next." "Heh, like that'll happen. Now, please, can you say it again?" "...No." "Please?" "No." "Pwetty pwease!?" "...Fine. Excelsior!" She giggled wildly. "Alright, now when's Season 6 coming out?" "When I say so." Equestria: Deadpool stood on the corpse of Galactus and pointed to the two mares in their costumes. "You two!" "Yeah?" Both spoke in unison. "I trust you both are now a family?" "Yes." "Good! To help you both together, you must do 100 PUSH-UPS, 100 SIT-UPS, 100 SQUATS, and a 10KM RUN!!! EVERY!!! SINGLE!!!DAY!!! ... That is all." Lily ran and gave Deadpool a hug. "Thank you for helping me find a family, Mr. Pool." she said, tearing up with happiness. "Will I see you again?" "When MrAquino says so, so... maybe at the end." Maud stepped next to her adopted daughter. "Come on," she spoke "let's go home." "Wait! Deapool?" Lily spoke. "Yes?" Deadpool asked. "Boop!" She booped him. Smoke smoldered everywhere, and everyone was covered in black dust with their manes blown back. "...Oops." Lily spoke. Hey, do you want to know something? What? Yesterday, MrAquino posted a sneak peek for Season 6 What happened? We see Cadence & Shining Armor's Baby. Deadpool's head grew back quickly. "THEIR BABY IS HERE!?!?!?" He got up and ran away with a fitting 0 to 100 "I WANNA SEE THE BABY!!!" Author's Note ─────────────────────────▄▀▄ ─────────────────────────█─█ ─────────────────────────█─█ ─────────────────────────█─█ ─────────────────────────█─█ ─────────────────────────█─█ ─────────────────────────█─▀█▀█▄ ─────────────────────────█──█──█ ─────────────────────────█▄▄█──▀█ ────────────────────────▄█──▄█▄─▀█ ────────────────────────█─▄█─█─█─█ ────────────────────────█──█─█─█─█ ────────────────────────█──█─█─█─█ ────▄█▄──▄█▄────────────█──▀▀█─█─█ ──▄█████████────────────▀█───█─█▄▀ ─▄███████████────────────██──▀▀─█ ▄█████████████────────────█─────█ ██████████───▀▀█▄─────────▀█────█ ████████───▀▀▀──█──────────█────█ ██████───────██─▀█─────────█────█ ████──▄──────────▀█────────█────█ Look, ███──█──────▀▀█───▀█───────█────█ Deadpool's back! ███─▀─██──────█────▀█──────█────█ ███─────────────────▀█─────█────█ ███──────────────────█─────█────█ ███─────────────▄▀───█─────█────█ ████─────────▄▄██────█▄────█────█ ████────────██████────█────█────█ █████────█──███████▀──█───▄█▄▄▄▄█ ██▀▀██────▀─██▄──▄█───█───█─────█ ██▄──────────██████───█───█─────█ ─██▄────────────▄▄────█───█─────█ ─███████─────────────▄█───█─────█ ──██████─────────────█───█▀─────█ ──▄███████▄─────────▄█──█▀──────█ ─▄█─────▄▀▀▀█───────█───█───────█ ▄█────────█──█────▄███▀▀▀▀──────█ █──▄▀▀────────█──▄▀──█──────────█ █────█─────────█─────█──────────█ █────────▀█────█─────█─────────██ █───────────────█──▄█▀─────────█ █──────────██───█▀▀▀───────────█ █───────────────█──────────────█ █▄─────────────██──────────────█ ─█▄────────────█───────────────█ ──██▄────────▄███▀▀▀▀▀▄────────█ ─█▀─▀█▄────────▀█──────▀▄──────█ ─█────▀▀▀▀▄─────█────────▀─────█ ─█─────────▀▄──▀───────────────█ Wow... almost a whole month with no Deadpool. And if you're wondering, I'm still open for crossovers, I just have a new policy where I'll make a new chapter if you, the crossover person, doesn't make a new chapter in 2 to 3 weeks.
Parenting done right. Pony #140: Princess Flurry Heart. (Are you sure that's her name?)Deadpool arrived to the castle on... what the hell is that? A HOVERBOARD!!! It's not a hoverboard! What is it then? It's called a Monorover. "I call it a 'Vine-Board'!" Deadpool spoke. "Mostly because it became popular thanks to vine." ...Whatever. Deadpool traveled on the board to the Crystal Empire's castle, but stopped at the stairs. "Stairs!? NOOO!!!" Both Cadence and Shining Armor left the room with their baby. Two guards stood near the doorway, both holding spears in their hooves. "You two," Shining Armor ordered "You both stay here and make sure no one enters the room with our baby!" "Yes, your majesty." both spoke in unison. "And be on the lookout for Deadpool. If you see him, be prepared for anything. I don't want him messing with my daughter's head." "Yes, sir." Shining walked over to her wife. "Are you sure they can handle that man?" Cadence asked "You know how creative he is." "I know, but these are my best men. Nothing will get past them." They both left. Unbeknownst to either of them, Deadpool was hanging on the ceiling like- "Don't compare me as Peter." ... I was gonna say a ninja. "Oh... I'll accept that." Well, we better find a way to get past those two guards. Oh please! They're all as effective as Stormtroopers. "Hey! Don't spoil what we're going to do with Flurry Heart." Flurry Heart!? "I heard something!" One of the guards spoke "Show yourself!" Well, we failed at being sneaky. That's why we have a plan B. Activate Operation Spaghetti! Deadpool landed on the floor and pulled a boombox, playing an 8-Bit tune. Both guards were hypnotized by the tune, and both began to dance out of their will. The first guard did a stereotypical Russian dance while the other did the pumpkin dance. The two danced, yelling for help, but Deadpool laid the boombox away from the two and entered the room. A soundproof spell was around the room, and the baby's crib was in the back, at the middle between two clusters of crystals. Deadpool literally slithered his way to the crib and peeked at the baby inside: it was a filly with a light pink coat, a mane with the same color as Starlight Glimmer's, and a large head popped out of her forehead. The filly was asleep. D'aww!!! She's so cute!!! Indeed. She is adorable. I just wanna snuggle with her like a plushie! And I wouldn't be surprised if we did. Deadpool lifted the filly from her crib carefully. Flurry Heart blinked, but looked at Deadpool. She let out an adorable gurgle, lifting her forelegs up as any baby would. Deadpool scratched her tummy with his right index finger. "Gootchy goo! Gootchy goo!" He babbled. Flurry giggled at his actions. I CAN'T HANDLE IT!!! I'm already getting Type 3 Diabeetus!!! It's alright. What Baby song should we use? Player's 'Baby come back'? Sir-Mix-A-Lot's 'Baby got Back'? Justin Beiber's 'Baby'? Deadpool remained silent as he stroked Flurry's mane. The cloth she was in came off, showing her larger wings that would make Scootaloo jealous and feel inferior. Uh... why aren't we singing? This is usually the part where we sing! I believe... we're having an emotional moment. Emotional moment!? We should spread comedy, not the feels! Well, we can't be funny all the time. We're still human, afterall. What the-!? We're no human! We're- "Hush!" Deadpool spoke to his voices. He looked down at Flurry Heart, seeing her happily gurgling as she waved her hooves around. A tear fell down Deadpool's face. Are... are you crying? "...Yeah. So?" Why? We only cry when we're laughing hard. "Just... look at her; she's so young, new to this world... innocent in every way possible. Now, look at us; we're messed up in every way. She's looking up to me like a father, not judging me at all, for I wear this mask, literally and figuratively, to hide all the pains I hold behind me, to tell everyone 'Hey! I'm a funny guy! Laugh at me! I don't care what happens to me at all!'. If I take this mask off... she's going to fear me and ridicule me for what I am: A monster." ...maybe not. What? This is deep of us, and, who knows, maybe she won't be afraid of us. Many ponies who see us were freaked out, but they understand us. Deadpool sat quietly. He then reached behind and pulled off his mask. Flurry Heart stared at the tumor-like face of Wade silently, but smiled, reaching out for him. He couldn't help but smile, a waterfall of tears fell down his cheeks as he gave the filly a hug. Holy Sh-! Language! ...Cow! It worked! "It sure did." Deadpool spoke, crying, but with a warm smile. He pulled her away from him. "Now, Flurry Heart (if that's your name), I'll be watching over you as your guardian angel. And though I lack wings, magic... and a sense of morality with sanity, know that I will always be with you, no matter what!" Flurry Heart smiled again with some gurgling. "D-Dada." She spoke. HHHNNNGGG!!! HHHNNNGGG!!! Deadpool had another heart attack, but quickly got up from it. He pulled out a large book, placing the young princess on his lap. "Okay, Flurry Heart. This is a timeless story, one that is remembered by all back where I came from, but was ruined with the so called 'Special Editions'. This, is Star Wars, Episode IV: A new Hope. Or, as I call it: Star Wars, before the Lucasing." He cleared his throat. "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away..." 9 Hours later Nighttime just arrived as Luna's moon rose with Celestia's sun dissapearing over the horizon. Cadence and Shining Armor arrived to see their child, but gasped at the sight of the two guards dancing in their sleep with the music still played. Shining Armor budged into their room. "Alright!" He yelled "Who's-!" "Shh!" Deadpool shushed. "We're finishing the final chapter." The room was decorated with Star Wars merchandise, from posters, to action figures, blankets, and, as an added bonus, Flurry Heart's crib was now the Millennium Falcon. Flurry Heart was nearly asleep, but Deadpool finished. "With the Emperor gone, the Empire destroyed, the second Death Star in bits & pieces, and Darth Vader finally redeemed, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Han Solo, Chwebacca, Lando Calrisian, C-3P0 & R2-D2, and the galaxy was now in peace. The End." He closed the book as Flurry Heart closed her eyes. "Good Night, my little princess, and may the force be with you. When you're older, I'll read you the next trilogy by J.J. Abrahms." He leaned closer to her ear. "Spoiler Alert: Han Solo Dies." He gently placed her in the ship-crib, pulling a Chewbacca plushie and gave it to her. She accepted it and cuddled with it, snoring peacefully. Deadpool turned to the couple, surprised at not only how the room changed, but how Deadpool was like a parent. "Please, for all that's good in the world and for her sake, don't show her the Prequels!" "Uh... we won't." Cadence replied, though confused. "Oh thank goodness! Ruin her childhood, I wish not to happen." "O... kay." Shining Armor spoke, also confused. Deadpool teleported behind them. "Now, if you excuse me, I have to battle against Boba Fett!" He put on his mask and grabbed a Mic. "Let's hope he's good with the mic as he is with his blaster." He teleported away. Both Cadence and Shining Armor stared at each other, but Deadpool came back. "He won." He teleported away again. Author's Note See! That's how you parent kids the right way! I just hope Flurry Heart has an important role in the show next season.
APPALOOSA!!! All the buffalo and Ponies # 141 & 142: Granny Smith and BraeburnAt the break of dawn, Applejack, Applebloom, Big Mac, and their granny arrived at the town of Appaloosa. "Heh, we made it, Granny!" Applejack spoke to the wagon they pulled. "Up and At 'em, Granny!" "Uh wha?" the voice of an elderly mare spoke "I'ma comin'." "Same thing here!" Another voice spoke. "What the-!?" Applebloom yelled. Deapool's head popped out of the back of the wagon, sweating and panting hard. "I gotta say... you really were something, Granny Smith." "M-hm," the elderly mare replied, sticking her head out, also sweating. "I may be old, but I still got some moves." "Oh, that I can't deny!" "Ready for another Round?" "Hell yeah!" They both entered the covers again and the wagon shook with the sound of the two moaning. Applejack's cheeks perked with a green, Big Mac's eyes widened & pupils shrunk, and Applebloom just had a curious look. "Is Deadpool hurting Granny?" Applebloom asked. "OH F**K YEAH!!!" Deadpool finished. The two popped out, sweating hard, holding out an apple pie. "You sure help made the pies so easy." Granny Smith commented. "Yeah! Pie making is awesome!" He turned to the apples. "What? You seriously thought I was doing it with Granny? Her hips would break!" He teleported out, wearing a... sexy cowboy outfit. N***a, you gay! Hey! Don't use the N-word. But we're cowboys. This is part of history! And that makes it worse. "Oh boy! Appaloosa!!!" Deadpool spoke. "Time to prove my inner Western! Texas Stereotype: Commence!!!" He dissapeared and reappered in the town, wearing his other Cowboy suit. He turned to see the handsome S.O.B. himself, Braeburn. I have the strangest boner right now. This for some stallion? You're gay. A Western tune was played by a pony band nearby, and, through the eyes of the Mercernary, the whole thing became an old Western movie. "This town ain't big for the two of us." He spoke in a familiar gritty voice. "Oh! Howdy Stranger, ain't seen you here before." Braeburn spoke "Ah'd like to welcome you to the town of-" "When the clock bangs at 12, draw!" "... Beg your pardon? Ah rest assure you that there's enough space for you, good sir. Tell me, what's your-" The clock in the town banged loudly. "DRAW!!!" Deadpool pulled out twin revolvers and fired at the stallion! Braeburn ducked down, though his hat was struck by the bullets, leaving multiple holes in and around it. Just like a machine gun, complete with noise, Deadpool fired wildly at Braeburn's spot. Multiple holes now occupied the side of the building, and the town's folks scattered in panic, screaming their heads off. After what felt like an hour, the firing stopped, and Braeburn peeked his head out, shivering in fear at what just happened. "Aw man! I have the worst aim in history!!!" I guess that's why you use machine guns. HA!!! Stormtroopers have a better aim than you! "Damn, you're right." He threw a bag of Money at Braeburn. "Heep your stinkin' money!!!" He teleported away, landing onto the clock tower. He looked around, seeing the orchard of apples, and a traveling dust trail. Look out! Darude Sandstorm!!! No, it's a stampede. "Ooh! Buffalo!!!" Deadpool teleported at least a mile away from the upcoming stampede and set up a camera. "Hi, I'm Deadpool, and welcome to Jackass. Hit the theme!!!" He turned, screamed, and ran for his life from the upcoming Buffalo stampede. He tripped and jumped into the air, landing on a buffalo's back. The buffalo tried to shake him off, but Deadpool held onto it's horn, acting like a cowboy on a bucking horse. Unfortunately, his cockiness failed him, and he fell off, followed by the pain of being stampeded by all of the buffalo running. He wheezed as he healed from the trampling, but was meet by the calf, Strongheart, herself. "Are you okay?" She asked. "Never been better." Deadpool replied. "Just give me a moment." He jumped right back up, fully healed, but he teared up as some of the buffalo stomped on his... tenders. "Oh Christ-all-mighty... that hurts. Where's your camp?" "That way." He turned around to see that the camp was just a foot away. "...Why didn't I see that?" "Who are you, sir?" "Oh! I'll tell you who I am!" He readjusted his cowboy outfit and pulled a guitar out. "Fallout 4 joke." He played the song and hypnotized the Buffalo with his music, leading them to Appaloosa, where the residents were preparing for the annual Apple family reunion, and fixing the building Deadpool shot down. "♫Oh well, I'm the type of guy who will never settle down Where pretty girls are well, you know that I'm around I kiss 'em and I love 'em 'cause to me they're all the same I hug 'em and I squeeze 'em they don't even know my name They call me the wanderer Yeah, the wanderer I roam around, around, around Oh well, there's Flo on my left and there's Mary on my right, And Janie is the girl with that I'll be with tonight. And when she asks me, "which one I love the best?" I tear open my shirt I got Rosie on my chest 'Cause I'm the wanderer Yeah, the wanderer I roam around, around, around Oh well, I roam from town to town I go through life without a care And I'm as happy as a clown I with my two fists of iron and I'm going nowhere I'm the type of guy that likes to roam around, I'm never in one place, I roam from town to town! And when I find myself fallin' for some girl, I hop right into that car of mine and ride around the world! Yeah I'm the wanderer Yeah, the wanderer I roam around, around, around♫" The crowd was hypnotized by the music, and everything was fixed immediately. "♫Oh yeah, I'm the type of guy that likes to roam around I'm never in one place, I roam from town to town And when I find myself a-fallin' for some girl I hop right into that car of mine and drive around the world Yeah, 'cause I'm a wanderer Yeah, a wanderer I roam around, around, around 'Cause I'm a wanderer Yeah, a wanderer I roam around, around, around 'Cause I'm a wanderer Yeah, a wanderer♫" The crowd shook themselves off as the song ended, finding Appaloosa to be cleaned up and fixed beyond damage. "Thank you so much for listening!" Deadpool spoke in a microphone "I'll be here for the next reunion! Or, at least, probably away from the ponified version of Brokeback mountain here." He pointed at Braeburn. "So I'll see ya!" He looked at his watch. "HOLY S**T!!! A WEEK UNTIL MY MOVIE COME OUT!!!" And with that, he ran away with fast music. Author's Note Check out my top 10 Deadpool Appearances in hype for the movie.
Fernando, Tom, Boulder, Bloomberg and Boneless... what am I even doing?Deadpool sat next to Fernando, the straw Pinkie had in her mane that was part of her straw collection. Fernando was... it's a straw. "A white, bendy straw!" Deadpool spoke. Why the hell are we even with a straw? Becasue he's Fernando! ... It's a f**king straw! "A straw with a name! And an old western, Mexican theme." ...Yeah. And why are we next to a boulder, a pebble, a tree, and a rubber chicken? They're our friends! There's Tom, Boulder, Bloomberg, and Boneless! Didn't... boneless turn into a key? "This is boneless #2! And it's pronounced 'Number 2', not 'Hashtag 2'." I think they know, already. Hey! There's always that girl on Twitter too much. "Anyways... So! How are you guys, doing!? Fernando? How's Pinkie?... Really!? Strange! Did you know that, Bloomberg?... You do!?" Okay, now this is getting out of hand. No it isn't! We're having a philosophical discussion about the inevitability of life and death. We're talking to things that don't even talk! But isn't silence the best form of loudest? That makes no sense! "Hush! Both of you! Now, Boulder, your feeling on Maud? How's the Fant4stic's Thing doing? Is he still weeping over his missing d**k?... He died? Eh, no one's going to miss him, am I right, guys!? ... Heh! I knew you'd all agree! Bloomberg, I know this will sound weird, but is Braeburn gay? ... Oh, he's just flamboyant? I guess that's why he yells Appaloosa all the time. Care for some tea?" He quickly teleported away and came back with warm tea for the 'party'. He idly sipped his. "Ah, nice, warm, relaxing tea. You know my movie's almost out, right guys?" You and the author have been all over it. "True, but that's because we're FINALLY getting the treatment we deserve! Plus, a sequel and an X-Force film? One that I'm sure we're going to kick hard in both DC's and Suicide Squad's balls in? Count me in. F**k that Jarred Leto Joker, but I'll go out with that Harley Quin. Raow!!!" Amen, brother! F**king pigs. Like you haven't seen any hot chicks before. I have, but I'm never that thirsty. "Speaking of which! Fernando, this is weird, but... does Pinkie have a ... you know... thing for me? ... Only for Cheese Sandwich? Well... I shouldn't be too surprised since they sang together. Such a lovely couple, those two. ...What do you mean, Boulder!? Of course I'm proud of them! They're going to have the best kids with highly functioning ADHD, like me! ... Well of course I'm going enjoy being with them. I'm great with kids! I'm just not family-friendly, that's all." No kidding. "What was that, Tom? ... How's Rarity doing? She's fine and all,she's-what? ... I think she's single. ... Perhaps later, but please, don't turn into some guy I meet at the creepo depot store that one time. ...Yes, trust me on it, Tom. Man, you five guys are awesome! Why haven't you said anything, Boneless? ... Oh, shy one, aren't you? Well, what was it like being with Cheese Sandwich?... Exciting? All those parties you go to seem fun, eh?... He goes to those parties!? Strange, tell me, as you-?" Alright, F**k it! MrAquino's going to the midnight premier!!! "What!?" Oh sh- "YOU BAST-" END OF CHAPTER!!! Author's Note YES!!! I'M GOING TO THE MIDNIGHT PREMIERE!!! Let's get this started. P.S. Awesome that the same guys that made this are making the film's version! So 20% Cooler knowing it's by the originals rather than some other guys!!! It's gonna be awesome!!!
Unicorns are horny. Ponies # 143 & 144: Fancy Pants and Fleur De LisAuthor's Note Unicorns are horny. Ponies # 143 & 144: Fancy Pants and Fleur De Lis In the streets of Canterlot, two of the higher class citizens walked along the streets, not minding a lot. The stallion in the suit with the fancy mustache, Fancy Pants, walked next to his wife, Fleur De Lis, another unicorn with equal white fur with a light pink mane & tail. They both heard moaning coming from an alleyway. Turning, they saw the back of Deadpool, his right arm moving fast. "Oh yeah!" Deadpool yelled "Get it! GET IT!!! OH GOD!!! I'M ALMOST THERE!!!" "Sir?" Fancy pants asked. Deadpool screamed and turned around, showing that he was cleaning his boot. HAHAHA!!! You thought we were making love to ourselves!!! And not the Justin Beiber type. "Are you... cleaning your boot?" Fleur asked "Of course!" Deadpool replied, holding a rag and rubbing the boot clean. "With my time here, I need my boots clean. See? Clea~n!" "Excuse me, but aren't you the lad, Deadpool?" Fancy Pants asked "I am indeed, good sir!" Deadpool put on a top hat, mustache, and monocle "Sir Deadpool of Earth Number Whatever and Mercenary for hire, at your service." "A mercenary with a sense of taste? Quite odd, wouldn't you agree?" "Indeed." Fleur added "And you're not here to-" "Oh, I am not, my good madam." Deadpool interrupted. "Fancy Pants is already one of the only good stallions that I'd hang out with and you... eh, F**k it, you're sexy as F**K!!!" Both were reeled back. "I beg your pardon!" Deadpool teleported around Fleur, pointing all the things about her. "Just look at how skinny you are! Them hooves! That Mascara! The way your mane looks so elegant! Dat ass! And you're rich!!!" "Is that... a horn below your waist?" Fancy pants asked "Oh no! This is something else!" He teleported away with Fleur, both now in the park. Deadpool had Fleur in his gasp, both looking like they were tango dancing. "So~? Want to know my real superpower? It just requires you pulling down my zipper." Fleur gave Deadpool a disgusted look. "Oh don't worry... I'll be gentle." He was followed by a knife stabbing into the side of his head. "...Ow." He dropped Fleur, though she did a backflip. Deadpool looked up to see her holding a sword in her magic. "What? What the hell? Am I-?" "You know, it's not easy living amongst the elites." She spoke "Sure, you get to attend expensive parties, eat exotic foods, and get your hooves on the luxuries that the common ponies cannot even imagine. But all of these come with a price, A price I'd rather not have. So why-" Deadpool ripped the knife from his head. "Oh! I read that comic! I f**king knew it! You're a member of the royal guard!" "Yes! And if there's one thing I hate more than anyone hurting my Fancy Pants, it's brutes like you that... go wild for me!" "Baby, I'm even more turned on than before." "I am going to ignore that and, instead, I'm going to make sure that you're unconscious in this conflict!" "Ooh! And I'll be sure to have fun when you're not knocked out! Don't worry, people reading this. I ain't Bill Cosby; I allow them to fight first, along with no drugging them at all." The supposed fancy mare charged at Deadpool with a standard Canterlot sword, and Deadpool back with his twin Katanas. Their swords clashed, and the two jumped back before clashing their swords together! Despite being a unicorn and not having hands, Fleur stood up to Deadpool's attacks, showing a great knowledge of sword combat in defense, offense, and parrying. Fancy Pants came to see them fighting. "Darling!?" He asked in shock "Are you... fighting again!?" Deadpool teleported away and landed on the fancy stallion's back. "Back off!" Deadpool yelled "I'm gonna do it!" "Kill my Fancy pants and I'll rip your head off!!!" Fleur yelled "Kill him!? No! I'm crazy, but I'm not a psychopath!" Yes, you are. Ooh! Ooh! Are we going to do it! "What are you going to do with the me!?" Fancy Pants asked nervously. "THIS!!!" Deadpool began to... oh God... Really!? "Yes!!! Stroke the horn!!! Stroke it like a-" "Oh~! That feels... go~od!" Fleur gave a curious look. "What are you even doing?" she asked "Taming Unicorns 101!" Deadpool replied "Horns are a unicorn's greatest weapon, but also their worst defense!" He teleported him and Fancypants next to Fluer. While stroking one horn, he grabbed the other and... stroked both. "What!? Jealous I can use both hands, if you get what I mean?" HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! This is so stupid. Both unicorns moaned as Deadpool stroked their horns; gentle, yet firm, he speed up. "Come on!" He spoke "Hit the climax! You can both do it!!!" Their moaning became louder, and everypony else stood and stared at what was happening. Some unicorns looked at their horn and tried to stroke it, but without hands, they didn't get the same experience. The couple's horns glowed as they moaned much louder and Deadpool stroked harder and faster! "Yes! Come on!!! We're almost there!!!" We should've bought some Lube! We should've bought a room. The couple were pretty much screaming as their horns were glowing bright enough for some ponies nearby to wear sunglasses, and Deadpool's hands, going so fast, they were on fire! "YES!!! FIRE AWAY!!!" The two fired large beams of magic from their horns, both heading into space! The firing lasted for a good 10 seconds, but when it ended, both Fancy Pants and Fleur fell to the floor, panting hard, feeling tired. I wonder where those beams of magic will go? Perhaps on someone we hate. Or they may like it! ... Why did I even ask? Thanos stood proudly at the two statues of Death he made, both made out of the bones of his enemies. "Yes! After many years, they're completed! Now Death will truly love me!!!" Both beams of Magic landed on the statues and blew it up, turning the bones into a mix of white & clear paste. Thanos stood there, smiling, but his left eye twitched. Some music was heard behind him, which he turned around to see one of his followers playing on the violin. "STOP THAT!!!" He jumped back and put away the instrument. "Uh, sir?" one of them asked "Is this what I think it is?" "No. It's liquified bones." "...Are you sure? It kinda smells like-" "IT ISN'T!!!" Both Fancy Pants and Fleur slept on the floor together. Aw! They're sleeping together! After what just happened, they deserved it. "Hey! Once you start, you can't stop!" He picked the two up with his new Anchor arms and teleported away, placing them in bed together, taking a quick selfie, then returned to the park. "10 bits for what they experienced!!!" All the unicorns held up their bags of bits, wanting the same experience! This is so wrong. But it feels so ri~ght!!! "18 plus only!!! And, to the audience at home, if you're wondering, this is a minor spoiler for my movie, so watch it and see what I'm referencing! And, if you must know, yes, that just happened, and I'm going to give Arnold Schwarzenegger a run for his money!" But what about the others? Others? We're suppose to take selfies with everyone else. "Oh S**T!!! Give me a moment, everypony! MONTAGE!!!"
Werstling's fake!!! Prob. Only Minotaur: Iron WillInside the middle of a labyrinth, another stallion was brought down by the Minotaur in the ring himself, Iron Will. All around the ring were other ponies and other creatures, watching and cheering as another stallion was taken away from some broken bones in their body. With the audience was Deadpool, and with him, Sunset Shimmer. "Why did you bring me here?" Sunset asked the masked assassin. "You love wrestling, right?" Deadpool asked "Luchador wrestling is what I love. This... this is just brutal!" "You wanna teach that bull a lesson?" "No, but I bet that you can't beat him." "HA!!! Challenge Accepted!" "Without your sword." Deadpool unsheathed his swords. "Done." "And your other weapons." Dropped his guns. "Check." "AND without your teleportation." He stood up and took his belt off. His belt fell, showing that his entire suit was actually a Onsie. "Any other challenges?" "... Beat him, and... I'll pay for whatever you want." Sweet! We're gonna be ballin'!!! I'll be here to mock you when we're knocked unconscious. Iron Will stood in the ring, holding a microphone. "Who here has the strength and courage to up against the great Iron Will!?!?!?" "I do!" Deadpool announced. "I, El Deadpoolio, will battle against you, Voluntad de hierro!!!" "HA!!! You!? A weakling!? Going against me!? I have no idea what you said, but I'm going to make you eat those words!!!" "Ven a mi hermano. Hit it." Deadpool delivered the first punch. Iron Will did not even flinch, but shook his head in disapproval. He took it like Cable! And The Hulk... And Colossus! Hey! Spoilers!!! Deadpool delivered another punch to Minotaur's face. Again, no flinch, but he flexed his muscles, showing just how buff he was! "That's it!" Deadpool yelled "I'm gonna slap the b***h outta you!" He swung his hand to slap his Opponent, but Iron Will not only blocked it with one arm, but grabbed Deadpool by his neck with the other, lifted him, and slammed him onto the floor! OUR SPLEEN!!! OUR BACK!!! "MY LEG!!!" The crowd cheered again and began to throw random objects. Deadpool got up quickly, picked up a Tiki Torch, and smacked it across Iron Will's face as he cheered, smacking him with it until it broke. Iron Will growled and lunged for Deadpool, who had the brains to duck and dropkick behind the Minotaur. Both stood right up, but Deadpool jumped onto Iron Will's back, punching him across the face while leading him to one of the corners. On the corner, Iron Will leaned on it, looking as if he were sitting, but Deadpool stood on the Minotaur's legs, preparing his right hand for punches. And he did, with the crowd counting. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10!!! Deadpool jumped off at the 10 as Iron got off, dazed and confused. The Merc then tossed Iron Will out of the ring. He got up, only to see Deadpool celebrating by doing the Dolar Dandy. Iron Will became furious and charged back in, then charged after Deadpool. Deadpool pulled out a cape from out of nowhere. "Toro! Toro!!!" He taunted. Iron Will charged, but Deadpool dodged. "Olé!!!" He then picked up... Oh God. We call it Genysis!!! Why? Because they both BLOW!!! ...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Deadpool... with the doll... swung it at Iron Will until it popped on one of his horns. Another dodge, another dropkick from behind, and another lead to a corner, Deadpool attempted to punch Iron Will in the face again, only for him to grab his punching hand. Rather than giving up, Deadpool kicked the Minotaur in the Nards, turned him upside down with his legs stuck in the ropes, and charged, drop kicking his exposed chest. Iron Will got up again, but was punched out of the ring again. He got up again, where Deadpool had... okay! How the hell do you have a shark!?!?!? What? Mad 'cause it bites? Nah, it's probably because of all these s*****y shark movies ...Okay. Deadpool did the dodge again, lead Iron Will to a corner, headbutted himself into Iron Will's chest six times, threw him to the middle of the ring, climbed & stood on the corner, and leaped, elbow dropping Iron Will, holding him down. The crowd counted to three with a weak Iron Will, and Deadpool won! THAT WAS AWESOME!!! Just wait for the interview. The interview itself involved Deadpool saying 'Yeah' with a random pony interviewer, flexing whenever the interviewer commented on him, and posing for the cameras. Deadpool walked out to Iron will, holding a stash of cash. "Thanks for letting me win." Deadpool spoke. "Anytime." Iron Will replied, taking the cash away. "You gonna join my seminars?" "Hm... maybe someday, but I've got many things to do." "Fair enough. See ya, Deadpool!" He left. "Oh, you really thought I beat Iron Will in a wrestling match? Oh please, this is the ponified version of WWE, so of course the fighting's going to be fake. Of course, I do appreciate the Saints Row 3's Murder Brawl XXXI reference, even if it from the lowest rated Saints row game." A portal opened in front of Deadpool. "Ooh! Swirly!!!" Hey! It smells... good! Smells like... Tacos! "TACOS!!!" He jumped into the portal. Sunset came in, but the portal disappeared. She sniffed the air. "What smells like tacos?" she asked herself. "Great, now I want tacos." One of the lockers opened, revealing Sonata was inside. "You too!?" she asked. "...Why me?" Deadpool landed in the kitchen of a Mexican restaurant. "I REQUIRE ALL YOUR DELICIOUS TACOS!!!" Deadpool announced. The ponies screamed and ran away! "Aw! Come on!!! I didn't even take my mask off!!! And everyone loves me!" I don't. And neither does everyone back home. "You and they are exceptions! The readers love me, though! Now, let's get us some Tacos!!!" He opened a pantry and an avalanche of tacos fell on him. He popped his head out. "SWEET!!! JACKPOT!!!" He removed his underside of his mask and scarfed down the tacos he was under. This lasted for a good half hour, but he heard something outside. "SPD, Emergency!" "THE F**K!?" Author's Note To be continued in SPD Emergency.
Anyone seen Zootopia yet?Deadpool came out of another from his adventure with a certain individual, sporting a wig, wearing a bra, and bikini. "♫I kissed a dog and I liked it!♫" He sang "♫Hope my girlfriends won't mind it. It felt so wrong, it felt so right, I won't be in love tonight! I kissed a dog and I liked it! I liked it!♫" That... That's just wrong. Hey, why weren't we in that chapter!? Perhaps it's because both authors didn't feel we were necessary. UNNECESSARY!?!?!? Why those little pieces of sh-! Deadpool was suddenly tackled from behind. Rather than feeling more pain afterwards, he felt himself being slobbered by something, which only made him laugh. "Winona! Get off 'im!" Applejack's voice hollered from a distance. "Bark!" The barking of a dog replied, getting off Deadpool. "Really? You have to add dialogue for animals now?" Deadpool asked. He turned to see Applejack with her brown & white Collie, Winona, licking the mare's face. Aw! A puppy! Don't sing that song around those two. Applejack turned to Deadpool. "Sorry about that," she spoke "Winona ain't meet you yet, and she gets super excited around strangers." "Eh, no worries." Deadpool replied "So, where are you and your pooch off to?" "Our Pony-pet playdates." "Ooh! Can I join!?" "...You ain't got a pet." "I beg to differ." He pulled out a cellphone and dialed a number. "Bring 'im!" A portal opened and Dogpool entered, tackling Deadpool, slobbering all over his face. "HAHAHA!!! Wilson! Stop that! That tickles!!!" Wilson got off and sat on it's hindquarters, panting hard. Deadpool stood up, wiping the slobber off his face. "Bam! I have a pet! Can I join now?" "...Uh... well... you ain't... a pony." Deadpool stared. A.J. backed off a bit and walked away. "...Fine. Come on, Wilson! We'll show them... first thing in the morning!" Morning. Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie all gathered together in Sugarcube Corner, having themselves some cupcakes. Everyone was silent, especially Pinkie "...So~," Twilight spoke, breaking the silence. "Anypony seen Owlicious?" "...Nope." Rianbow Dash replied "What about Tank? Anypony saw Tank fly around early? Rarity?" "I may wake up early," Rarity replied "but no, I haven't. I do wonder where's Opal? Fluttershy?" "Oh! Opal wasn't around this morning," Fluttershy spoke "and neither was Angel Bunny. A.J.?" "I ain't seen Angel around mah farm." Applejack "If he was, Winona would've found 'im already! ... And she's gone too. Pinkie-" The door opened wide and both Celestia and Luna stood there, looking worried. "Where's Philomena!?" Celestia asked "Fluttershy! You took care of my bird, where is she!?" "And where's Tiberius!?" Luna added "I can't let Tiby be hurt!" "Something tells me this is Deadpool's work." Pinkie spoke. Everyone froze, then sighed in annoyance. "Deadpool." Everyone but Pinkie spoke in unison. "Hey! I just said that!" "GET-EM-OFF!!! GET EM OFF!!! GET EM OFF!!!" Deadpool screamed. Last night, Deadpool petnapped all of the pets of the Mane 6 and the princesses themselves. Being the idiot he is, he should've known that these animals had some brains, and weren't afraid to hurt someone that kidnapped them, and that would be Deadpool himself. On his head, Opal the cat was clawing at it; having his right hand in it's mouth was Gummy the Alligator; Pecking at his ears on both of his shoulders was the owl, Owlicious, & the Phoenix, Philomena; biting onto his legs was Tiberious, the possum, Winona the dog, Angel Bunny, and Tank the Turtle. Tortoise. Same difference! "GET THEM OFF!!!" Deadpool continued to scream. That is why we packed the laser pointer, remember?. "LASER POINTER!!!" With his left hand, Deadpool pulled a laser pointer out and aimed it at a wall. All the pets stopped and ran to the wall, trying to capture the red dot. Deadpool healed quickly, sighed in relief, and chuckled. "Heh... animals are stupid." Now what are we gonna do? Probably going to do the same chapter with Tom & Boulder. Really? How? "Like this!" Deadpool, in a blink of an eye, had a fancy table set up with all the animals sitting down in their own table, all wearing suits, top hats, and monocles over their right eye. Tea was set up in the middle, as well as fancy cakes, along with an ice sculpture of Deadpool b***h slapping an unconscious Wolverine "Aw... good times. So, allow me to introduce myself; Deadpool, Merc with the mouth, Mercenary for hire! We all have you, the pets of the Mane 6 and royal princess sisters. So~, Winona, how's life at the farm?" "Ruff!" Winona barked "Ah, I can tell. Applejack yell at you a lot?" "Who?" Owlicious hooted. "...Applejack." "Who?" "The farm pony? Twilight's friend?" "Who." "...Never mind. Philomena? Have a favorite artist?" "Sqwuaw!" The phoenix squawked. "Fetty Wap? Huh... Never saw you as someone that'd enjoy rap like that. Do you even know what he's saying?" Tank the Tortoise coughed. "Oof! Sounds like you need some medicine there, Tank. That, or you need to stop hanging around rats!" Tiberius chattered at him. "Oh, I didn't mean you, Tiberius. You're an Opossum, not a rat; you're much cooler than one! Speaking of rats! Opal, I'm not quite sure if you do or don't, but what do you think of Rarity?" "Raow." Opal meowed. "Ooh! Dirty kitty! All because she's still technically naked? Prefer her in the nude rather than wearing clothes?" Angel tapped his foot impatiently. "Oh, and what do you want, spawn of Satan?" Angel pointed at Fluttershy's house. "Oh! Wanna go home and be a total a**hole to Fluttershy? That it? You know, you're the worst bunny ever! Really! I swear, were it not, SPOILERS, for that sheep in Zootopia, you could be the villain! And I mean it! Judy Hopps is the bunny I wanna hang out with more, and she's a cop! You are the epiphany of all that is evil!" "You said it, Mermaid man! In fact, here's a gift!" He pulled out the Holy Hand Grenade "I should pull the pin and blow you into smithereens! Gummy! Have any words of wisdom before blowing the devil up!?" Certainly the most destructive vice if you like, that a person can have. More than pride, which is supposedly the number one of the cardinal sins - is self pity. Self pity is the worst possible emotion anyone can have. And the most destructive. It is, to slightly paraphrase what Wilde said about hatred, and I think actually hatred's a subset of self pity and not the other way around - ' It destroys everything around it, except itself '. Self pity will destroy relationships, it'll destroy anything that's good, it will fulfill all the prophecies it makes and leave only itself. And it's so simple to imagine that one is hard done by, and that things are unfair, and that one is underappreciated, and that if only one had had a chance at this, only one had had a chance at that, things would have gone better, you would be happier if only this, that one is unlucky. All those things. And some of them may well even be true. But, to pity oneself as a result of them is to do oneself an enormous disservice. I think it's one of things we find unattractive about the american culture, a culture which I find mostly, extremely attractive, and I like americans and I love being in america. But, just occasionally there will be some example of the absolutely ravening self pity that they are capable of, and you see it in their talk shows. It's an appalling spectacle, and it's so self destructive. I almost once wanted to publish a self help book saying 'How To Be Happy by Stephen Fry : Guaranteed success'. And people buy this huge book and it's all blank pages, and the first page would just say - ' Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself - And you will be happy '. Use the rest of the book to write down your interesting thoughts and drawings, and that's what the book would be, and it would be true. And it sounds like 'Oh that's so simple', because it's not simple to stop feeling sorry for yourself, it's bloody hard. Because we do feel sorry for ourselves, it's what Genesis is all about. Deadpool stared. "...Wow... that's... something." Deadpool "I think I'll get around that much faster than the Architect's monologue in the Matrix Reloaded. Fine, Angel, you get to live another day, but don't-" "There he is!!!" Applejack yelled. "TIME TO GO!!!" He ran away, letting out various 'whoops' before teleporting away. He landed near an open field, where another portal opened and- "Hey! Another Crossover, already!?" ...Yes. "Alright, who's it for?" I don't want to say. "Can I at least get a hint?" ...Fine. It's a Sci-Fi thing that was popular with the kids in the early 2000's- "TOY STORY!!!" ...What? Deadpool, where did you get that? "What? This fully functional Buzz Lightyear suit that I got from NASA? Let's just say that I had to get the money from a certain Rapper that wanted to run for President in 2020, and-" You stole if from Kanyew West!?!?!? "Hey, can't let him have all that power. THROUGH THE PORTAL!!!" He walked through the portal and landed in the other world. It looked like Ponyville in every single way. He activated his wrist command "Deadpool: Mission Log 4072, I have a path past sector 12 and am in a new Dimension. Terrain seems a bit stable, though I'm not sure if the air is breathable; and there seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere." "Sahsa, that you?" A voice asked. "Oh! Showtime!" Author's Note To be continued in For the Emperor and the UNSC
Some G1-ness. Ponies #145-150: Surprise, Firefly, Posey, Sparkler, Twilight Velvet, and... Applejack?Deadpool reentered his world but was free falling next to a huge mountain. "OH S**T!" He said to himself "This is gonna hurt." Like when we got it stuck in the zipper? "Hey! That was different!" Agreed. Sorta like going in without our guns on accident. "That' also different!" He heard some flapping next to him. On his Left was- "I'll handle this. What the-!? What are you both!? A Pink, Rainbow Dash Clone? And a white Pinkie clone... with wings?" "Hey!" The Pinke Dash yelled "Who ya' calling a clone? The Name's Firefly, One of the fastest fliers in Equestria!" "And I'm Surprise!" The Pinkie Pie Look-a-like replied "Hey! I'm not a Pinkie Pie Look-a-like! I am WAY older than that girl!" "...Does he do that a lot?" "Like it's going out of style." "...Ya know," Firefly spoke "You're still free falling. You can die." "Right!" Deadpool continued "You gals have a spare?" "Not me, but Surprise does." Yeah, but I don't think you want it." Surprise taunted. "I do! I do!" Deadpool begged "Give it to me!" "I think you better let him have it." Firefly spoke. "Okay, Doc," Surprise replied "Whatever you say, here's the spare." She pulled out a bag labeled 'Spare' and gave it to Deadpool. "Thank you!" Deadpool spoke. Both Pegasi landed on a nearby cloud and watched. Deadpool opened the bag, only for a spare tire be pulled out. "Oh no! AAAAHHHHH~~~~!!!" "Ha! Good one, Surprise!" Firefly nudged. "Ain't I a stinker?" She replied, nomming on a carrot. Deadpool splatted on the floor. He healed quickly and pulled his head from the floor. "Look, mom! I'm roadkill!" He said to no one in particular... only to then realize that four other ponies were in front of him, each looking like someone from the mane 6. "Oh my stars!" A blue rarity with a purple & magenta mane exclaimed "Who is that!?" "Oh dear," a wingless Fluttershy with flowers instead of butterflies for a cutie mark spoke. "Are you alright, sir?" "Hold on!" A pink Twilight with a white & purple striped mane spoke "He just healed fast! That's unnatural!" "Darn tootin'!" A hat-less Applejack spoke "That's the feller Deadpool!" "Deadpool!?" Everyone exclaimed, Surprise and Firelfy landing with them. "Ha! I knew it!" Firefly spoke "I knew that he was Deadpool!" "And I only knew because of the title." Surprise added. Deadpool pulled himself off of the ground. "That's right!" He said, pointing to himself. "Deadpool's my name and being featured is my game! I see I already meet two of your squad members here, the Pegasi, but let me guess," He pointed to each of the correct ponies. "You're Twilight Velvet, Posey, Sparkler, and... you are?" "...Applejack." the other Applejackl replied. "...Huh... I was expecting something different. Who are these bozos? And how do we know them? That's because they're the original Mane 6. "Exactly, Stuffy," Surprise spoke, walking next to Deadpool "Lauren Faust specifically made us as the original mane 6, since we were the ponies she grew up with. Of course, Hasbro had to change a lot of things to fit for their demographic, with Applejack being the sxception, though, as you can tell, she's not wearing a hat as the Applejack you know." Deadpool and the other ponies stared in silence. ... I don't know whether to applaud... or scream. "Don't need to. Afterall, everyone knows you're just a blender of Wolverine, Spider-Man, Snake Eyes, and Deathstroke." "Hey!" Deadpool yelled "My film is loved more than 3/4 of their movies combined! And I don't need a reboot ASAP, nor will I need one!" "What are you two talking about!?" Twilight Velvet exclaimed "This has to be the most strangest thing for you to do, Surprise!" "Maybe," Surprise said "But I know what's even stranger!" She pulled out one of her fathers and began to shake it in the air. Discord appeared, laughing hard as she was tickling one of his toes. "STOP IT!!! STOP IT!!! THAT TICKLES!!! HOO-HOO-HOO!!!" "Discord," Deadpool spoke, placing his left hand on his hip and snapped with the right, acting a lot like a sassy black woman. "you ain't suppose to be sneakin' up on someone like that, boi!" Surprise stopped, and Discord regained control. "Oh, my apologies, Mr. Deadpool, but you've been gone for a while... and everypony in town is searching for you." "For hugs or torches?" "Torches." "Ah, but wait until they see the other Mane 6!" "Mane 6?" Sparkler asked. "TO PONYVILLE!!!" "Hey! No DC stuff here! Especially with the new Batman V Superman... BATMAN KILLS PEOPLE!!!" "Ooh! Spoilers! Let me check that out!" Surprise spoke "Reader, can you show me the spoiler? I can wait." "Who are you both talking to!?" Firefly asked in annoyance "Oh dear, I hope they're nice." Posey spoke, hiding behind Firefly. "Just ignore the comments and you'll be fine." Deadpool spoke. "Comments? I'm talking about them." Standing in front of the six ponies was the mane six, who also stood like them, also with Fluttershy hiding behind Rainbow Dash. "What the-!?" Both Twilights yelled "Is that... me!? Who are you? A clone!? I'm not a clone!" "Mane 6, meet the other mane 6." Deadpool spoke. "Other mane 6, meet your Mane 6." Both Rainbow Dash and Firefly meet at each other head on. "What they hay are you doing here!?" Dash yelled "This some sort of Changeling plan!?" "Changeling plan!?" Firefly replied "Some faulty disguise from a bug." "Who you calling a bug, bug!?" "Oh, them's fighting words!" Both Applejack's grabbed their friend. "Easy there, sugarcube." Both A.J.s spoke "We don't want to wrestle somepony so quick. Howdy, Name's Applejack. ...Wait, you're Applejack as well? Well, that's weird." Both Pinkie and surprise hoped to each other. "Ooh! Feathers!" Pinkie spoke. "Ooh! Pink!" Surprise replied. "Aw, thanks! I'm Pinkie Pie!" "And thank you! Surprise!" "Where!?" "Right here!" "You're a surprise!?" "In more ways than one!" They both laughed and snorted. The Fancy mares approached each other, observing each other. "... You have an excellent mane design." Dazzler spoke. "So do you." Rarity replied. "Know how to use a sowing machine?" "One of my favorite things. In fact, it's a career. You?" "Same thing." They both smiled. "We're going to be the best of friends." "Yes, and two minds are better than one." Posey and Fluttershy approached to each other, but covered their faces with their manes. "Oh... hi... I'm... Fluttershy." the pegasus spoke. "Hi... I'm... Posey." The earth pony replied. Both stood there and ocasionally glanced at each other. "...Do you like... bunnies?" "... I do." They looked at each other. "Do you... like animals?" "...Yes." Deadpool teleported away and watched from a safe distance. Why are we away? I guess it's something like the Force Awakens: the old meets the new. That... actually makes sense. "Actually, I just had to do this." He pulled down his pants, leaned over, and... OH GOD!!! I am NOT typing that down!!! End chapter!!!
BWAAM!!! Pony #151: SunburstBWAAM!!! Pony #151: Sunburst It was, another day in Ponyville, and Starlight, with Twilight & Spike busy with another certain group of ponies, was inside the castle, placing signs to help her and other navigate the huge castle that really needed some staff members. Then she heard the front door knock. She walked to it and opened it, only to meet a familiar glasses wearing orange-yellow stallion with an orange mane, tail, & beard, and wearing the blue, star spotted cape. "Sunburst?" Starlight asked in surprise. "W-what brought you here?" "Oh, uh, hello, Starlight." Sunburst replied i his nervous tone. "I... uh... just wanted to visit. Are you busy at the moment?" "...Not at the moment. Want some tea?" "Sure." He walked into the castle, following Starlight. As they walked to the kitchen, Sunburst inspected the castle, noticing many of the little things around. "It's... pretty empty around here." "...It is." "...Does anypony else live here?" "Well... I'm more or less both a student and housemate to Princess Twilight Sparkle." "Huh... living with the princess. Has she thought of hiring staff members?" "I asked her the same thing, but she didn't reply. Not really sure why." They went into the kitchen. Starlight quickly brewed some tea while Sunburst sat down. "So... anything exciting happens around here?" "Hm... seems to be one of those rare days where nothing crazy is happening." "Is that good or bad?" "...It can be either." Starlight set the warm tea on the table and sat in front os Sunburst. "But with much excitement happening, I'm fine when it's quiet." "Oh... that sounds... lovely." Silence fell between the two. "Starlight?" "Hmm?" "There's... Something I've been meaning to tell you." "And what's that?" He scooted in a bit closer. "Well... after all of these years," Another scoot "I've always wondered what happened to you," Scoot. "and I have one thing to say." He was practically next to her. "Starlight?" "Yes, Sunburst?" "...I really like your mane." "Oh, Come on!!!" Deadpool's voice yelled. Both Sunburst and Starlight frantically looked around. "Who said that!?" A sound was heard, followed by the nearby window crashing, and Deadpool landed inside, holding a videocamera. "Come on! Just Buck already!!! I got the camera ready! I was going to make MrAquino make a Clop-Fic involving you two doing it in the kitchen and-" A Piano fell onto his head, crushing him and the Camera. And don't worry folks, Deadpool is a liar. Both Starlight and Sunburst blinked. "...That was... interesting." Starlight said. "How'd that piano fall?" "And who, and what, is that creature?" Starlight shuddered. "Oh no! It's... Deadpool!" "That's right!" Deadpool spoke under the piano. He teleported onto the piano, laying on his side. "And to answer your question, my nerdy stallion, I am... a powerful wizard!" "...You don't look like a wizard." Sunburst commented. "Don't judge a book by it's cover! Same thing with Movie Trailers! ...Though, I can't say the same for the new Ghostbusters... and perhaps that Jem movie failed by the start... but... just wait until you see my abilities, Young Sunburst! As you have noticed, I am Nigh Immortal!" "...Judging by how fast you healed, I can see that, though you teleported like a unicorn, which isn't very impressive." "True, but I ain't got a horn." "...What's that below your belt, then?" "Uh... Something else. I can't really show it, since it'll be out there, making this new Fanfic go Mature, and... complicated stuff. Oh, I forgot to mention, but I can see other worlds!" "Other worlds? Care to explain?" Deadpool telepported and picked up Sunburst. "Imagine, if you will, that our world, though vast and large, is in fact, nothing more than a spec in other worlds, each the same and different than others!" "...that's... something." "Yes! But imagine that all of those worlds, they are, in fact, noting more but creations from different worlds! A set of different universes that, like mentioned, are the same, but different in so many ways! You and I are nothing more but creations from that same world! But for more weirdness, imagine that that world was created by something much more powerful! And perhaps that's also created by another thing much more powerful! We go on until we meet the creator of it all; the Diety that's responsible for all of life to exist, so they create life, which creats it's own life, and etcetera, until, we hit to our life." "... I don't really follow you, sir." Deadpool shook Sunburst. "WE ARE NOTHING MORE BUT PAWNS TO A POWERFUL DIETY THAT CONTROLS OUR EVERY SINGLE MOVE!!! We calim to have true freedom to our movement, but that is not true! It is a lie that the deity placed in our heads to help us feel better about ourselves, as a way to go on and do what we want, only for their amusement as they control us! My friend, we are part of something that's worse than the Matrix and it's sequels! We are nothing but characters used to entertain others at the comfort of their homes as a way to escape the harshness of reality, and for them to avoid the fact that they themselves are being controlled by both someone in their world, and a powerful deity that controls all of their movements! Until you break the rules like me, then you will always be under their watch!" "...You're insane!!!" "I know I am, but who's more insane; the one who acts insane, or the person that admits that they're insane? Think about it." Sunburst blinked. Then Deadpool gave him a kiss on the cheek. He turned to the Mercernary. "That right there, was an example of the deity controlling me. Just as how we're going to do a Muppets song right about... now!" In a flash, Deadpool sat behind the piano, Sunburst was now in a fancy suit, and Starlight was in a dress. "♫Baby, stop right there.♫" Sunburst sang. "♫Let me clear the air. Baby, look into these eyes. Let me apologize. I know what you're thinking of. You think, "Where is the love?" But the love ain't gone. It's here where it belongs.♫" :"♫I know what you're waiting for. Well, you don't need to wait no more.♫" Sunburst began to do a dance as well as Starlight. as the place turned into a Disco room, complete with the disco ball & changing colored floor "♫I can give you anything you want. Give you anything you need. I'll make your dreams come true. Give you anything you want. Fulfill your fantasies. I'll make your dreams come true.♫" His horn glowed as everything came to his sides. "♫You want a unicorn? I'll give it to you. You want a puppy dog? I'll give it to you. You want an ice cream cone? I'll give it to you. You want a mortgage loan? I'll give it to you. You want a satin pillow? I'll give it to you. You want an armadillo? I'll give it to you. You want a diamond ring? I'll give it to you. You want a thingy-thing? I'll give it to you.♫" ♫I know what you're waiting for. Well, you don't need to wait no more.♫ "♫I can give you anything you want. Give you anything you need. I'll make your dreams come true. Give you anything you want. Fulfill your fantasies. I'll make your dreams come true.♫" "♫You want a face to blame? I'll give it to you. You want a little cupcake? I'll give it to you. You want a cockatoo? I'll give it to you. You want a kangaroo? I'll give it to you. You want a brand new car? I'll give it to you. You want a Hollywood star? I'll give it to you. You want to go to the moon? Ooh... I'll see what I can do.♫" "♫I know what you're waiting for. Well, you don't need to wait no more.♫" "♫I can give you anything you want. Give you anything you need. I'll make your dreams come true. Give you anything you want. Fulfill your fantasies. I'll make your dreams come true.♫" "♫I'm sayin' cockatoo. Yeah. (Kangaroo) Ooh. (In Malibu) I'll give it to you. I'll make your dreams come true. Cockatoo. Kangaroo. In Malibu. I'll make your dreams come true.♫" They both ended with a pose. Sunbusrt shook his head as everything but the unicorn (which turned out to be Twilight Sparkle) and Hollywood Star (Ryan Reynalds) looked around in curiosity. "Uh... what happened to the kitchen?" Twilight asked. "This is a kitchen?" Ryan asked "How did I get from the set of Deadpool 2 to here? And... is that Deadpool?" Deadpool teleported to Ryan Reynalds. "Alas, I'm sorry, my love," Deadpool spoke "But we cannot stay here for long! You must go back to Earth, and I, here, in Equestria." Ryan blinked, but rolled his eyes. He lifted Deadpool's mask and they kissed each other. All the ponies stared in awkward silence as Deadpool and Rynalds made out with each other for a while. When they stopped. Ryan stood up and walked out of the front door. "Gotta say, that wasn't as gay as Twilight." "Hey!" Twilight yelled. Deadpool stared blankly. "...Ryan Reynolds... kissed me!" That's one thing off of the bucket list. And he gave us tongue! Such an awesome guy! Deadpool fainted and fell to the floor. Author's Note
Brothers from Another Mother: Rumble and ThunderlingAt Sweet Apple Acres, it was the Sister Hooves social. As word spread after Big Mac's action as Orchard Blossom, many stallions were now there with their little or big sister(s), but the most stand out of them were two brothers: a dark gray Pegasus with a light blue & white mane, and a light gray Pegasus with a darker mane color. "Are you sure about this, Thunderlane?" the smaller Pegasus asked "It feels weird participating in the Sister Hooves Social." "I'm sure, Rumble." The older stallion replied. "I'm glad Big Mac's actions made this possible. Come on! I'm sure that we can-" "Oi! We got two more brothers joining!" The voice of Deadpool yelled. Both Thunderlane and Rumble turned to see Deadpool and Cable together, wearing matching kilts "Brother! You ready to take these brothers down!?" "Wade..." Cable growled "I have no idea how I came here... nor how you convinced me to join this event... but don't...ever... call me a brother... again." Deadpool climbed his back and rubbed his index finger across Cable's face. "You are so funny, Cable." Cable grabbed him and slammed him in the floor... Deadpool's head exploded upon impact. "I'M LEAVING!!!" He turned and left through a portal. Deadpool stood back up, his head healing quickly. "Fine! I'm joining these two bros!" "Uh... it's a two team event." Thunderling replied. "Attention Everypony!" Granny Smith announced "This here Sister Hoove's social is now a three team event! Find yer third wheel and let's get this here show on the road!" Both pegasus brother turned to Deadpool, who now had a large grin under his mask. 8 big glasses fell over his face along with a joint and gold chains, followed by a beat with some guys saying 'I am the one, don't weigh a ton, Don't need a gun to get respect up on the street'. Rumble slapped Deadpool before the annoying song could continue. "Can you keep up without any... other random things?" "Ya'll should know me!" Deadpool replied "I don't do random things; The writer does!" Both brothers just looked confused. "I feel like I'm going to regret this." Thunderling said. Dancing All three 'sisters' wore matching suits & trenchcoats. "What song is this, Thunderling?" Rumble asked his big brother. "I didn't select a song yet, Rumble." Thunderling replied to his younger brother "I did!" Deadpool said, appearing between the two. "Trust me, you'll both do just fine! And if one of you dances badly, no sweat! It adds nostalgia to this factor!" "...And that is?" Both asked. Deadpool grabbed them both and flung them, and himself, to the stage. "Here's a song by a gay guy!" Jump Rope Both Thunderling and Rumble, while jumped accordingly, not using their wings, Deadpool was showing off his physical prowess by jumping & balancing on his hands and... clapping his cheeks. "You know you like it, ladies." Deadpool said. "Uh... those are fillies." Thunderling spoke in mid-hop. "Oh s**t! Hope that's not considered pedophilia!" Juggling. Rather than using his hands, arms, legs, or feet, Deadpool juggled the bowling pins using his pecs and... oh God. "What!? It's censored." The Race. When Granny Smith, Deadpool ran 0 to- "Racing here! Have some music! HYAA!!!" What the-!? O...k? Well, Deadpool easily skidded over the mud with Thunderling & Rumble, hopped into the barrels, following the piano beat of 2 Chainz I'm Different, and easily jumped on and back flipped over the pile of boxes. For the pies, defying all forms of logic, Deadpool ate his pie with his mask on, imagining himself eat the booty like groceries. Wouldn't that be just fattening in real life? Or is she a sex slave owner? ...What the-? I'm just saying. If she eats the booty like groceries, that means that she's rich to eat & buy so much groceries, so is she some sort of sex slave owner to do that? ...My mind is blown. All three pushed the hay bale in their way as a team, then ran to the grapes. Deadpool began to squish the grapes while doing a Russian style dance. "In Soviet Russia, Grapes crush you!" Deadpool joked. With grape juice made, they ran to the chickens coop, where Deadpool moonwalked out, balancing an egg on his head... and held Scootaloo. "What the-!?" Scootaloot yelled "How did I get here!?" "Obvious chicken joke!" Deadpool replied, sliding the egg off his head, to his arm, and into the basket with other eggs. He and the other ran ahead, all jumping over the hurdles, though Deadpool had on a Ballerina outfit while jumping, complete with a tutu & tiara. The line was a large sprint, and all three ran like they stole something! They would make it to first, but a long cow, recently milked, walked at the exit. Deadpool stopped as an utter swung and a drop of milk came from the end and headed to Deadpool's face, who's mask fell of from the sprint and stop. "COW!!! COW!!!" Deadpool screamed and ran away in total fear! "COW!!! COW!!! COW!!!" Everyone froze and watched as Deadpool ran away, tearing up hard as he crashed through everything, making Big Mac's incident as Orchard Blossom look like a simple accident. "...Deadpool has a fear of cows?" Rumble asked "It... looks like it." Thunderling rumble replied "...I wanna go home." "Same thing here. Wanna play some videogames?" "Sure!" Both brothers left. Everyone else, however, made a mental not on Deadpool's fear. Author's Note If you don't know, yes, in the comics, Deadpool has Bovinophobia/Taurophobia: The excessive and Irrational fear of Cows &/or Cattle. DON'T LAUGH AT ME!!!
God of War. The ChimeraDeadpool continued to run and scream for his life, running past and through everything in his path. His panic was over as he was ran into the fire swamp and was burnt. "FIRE!!! FIRE!!! FIRE!!!" He yelled "I'M BURNING!!! I'M BURNING!!! I'M ON FIRE!!! EN FUEGO!!!" Stop, drop, and roll, you idiot. But the floor is exploding with fire! ...Then stand and pat the fire out. Deadpool did, standing and patting the fire off around him, leaving some burn marks on his suit. "Aw s**t!" He yelled "This was my favorite! Now I look like my old self during the Weapon X days." At least we're still cool looking! And Bryan Singer wouldn't mind this. "True, but he wouldn't like my eyes moving. And since I'm a part time X-men member, I should've been in X-Men: Days of Future Past, in the future, being the greatest teacher ever! As what? A Weapons maintenance? Sex ed! "Neither! Culinary Arts! ...That, or how to care for Professor X's head like a diamond. Man, all this talk about X-Men films, and where are we?" The Fire Swamps. How do you know that? Fire's everywhere, idiot. "What do we have here!?" A voice asked. Deadpool turned to see a large quadruped figure circling around him. "My, my! He certainly looks delicious!" "He looks like a delicious sausage!!!" Another voice bleated "More appealing than a ssssssssssssnack!" Another hisses "Bessssssssssssssssssquise me!?" Deadpool hissed back while snapping & posing like a sassy black woman. "Do you know who you talking 'bout, gurls?" The figure appeared out of the shadows, revealing a tiger, a goat, and a snake together. "...Oh... f**k... a Chimera... hey." "This funny creature should be delicious, sisters!" The Tiger growled. "Hey! This 'Funny Creature' is, the one and only of many dimensions, Deadpool!" "...This is the one who slayed Tirek?" The goat asked before bleating into laughter. "He's so scrawny!" "Yesssssssssss," The snake hissed. "Even I can ssssssssssswallow him!" "Oh that's it!" Deadpool said, pulling out his swords. "I'm gonna make you eat thosssssssse wordssssss!!!" The Chimera readied itself to pounce. "You're gonna be a lot more fun than those cows!" The Tiger growled. Deadpool looked around. "Cows!? Where!?" The Chimera pounced and mauled him. Deadpool screamed in pain as the tiger head bit into his chest and ate his intestines, the Goat head biting and crushing his skull, and the snake taking a bit and swallowing his left leg whole. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! OH GOD!!! This is violent as hell!!! The Chimera tossed Deadpool's corpse to the side, his organs falling everywhere and burning. "...I am quite dissapointed." The tiger said. "He was easier to kill than I thought." "Same thing... here." Deadpool spoke. All heads gasped as the mauled corpse of Deadpool got back up. His head grew back, as did his chest with intestines, and his leg. "You shouldn't have said the 'C' word. It's a mental tick that, I won't lie, I have a deep phobia of. But, before you ask why, to make it short, Comedy, is your answer. Long is rather strange. Now, let's try this again, and I must warn you, I've played a lot, and I DO MEAN, a lot of God of War! With that out of the way, let's dance! Hit it!" Deadpool charged at the Chimera with his swords. The Chimera charged right back. Deadpool teleported and swung his swords around, giving off some slices to the Chimera. The Chimera tried to fight back, but not only was Deadpool fast, but he ocassionally pulled out his twin pistols and fired at them from afar. "Semi-autos would be too easy." He simply said. The goat head & tiger were dazed, and Deadpool teleported onto the chimera's back. The snack lunged at him, but Deadpool dodged and sliced the snake off! "Sister!?" Both the tiger and goat asked. "She dead!" Deadpool spoke, poking the snake with a stick. The Heads roared in fury, the body stood right up, standing on it's hind legs, and swung at Deadpool with it's forelegs' claws. Deadpool dodged, noticing how it was swinging much faster and harder, but he did some backflips, shooting at it multiple times, until both heads were dazed again. "STABBY TIME!!!" Deadpool pulled his sword out and charged at the Chimera again. With his left sword, Deadpool stabbed through the beast's left shoulder, and with the right, he began to stab the beast's belly. He then headbutted the tiger head, stabbing it's neck with both swords, and stabbed it's brain through it's eyes. "NOOO!!!" The goat head yelled. "Oops! If you want, I can leave and let you bleed to death!" The goat head roared and, controlling the body, charged at Deadpool, using itself as a battering ram. Deadpool, while he couldn't dodge all of them, did his best, but he crashed into a tree every time he was headbutted by the goat. He fired his twin pistols even more, making the last head dazed and confused. "Time for the killing blow!" Deadpool knocked the Chimera down, stomped on the goat's head, ripped one of it's horns off, and impaled it's eye with it's own horn! "Yes!!! I am the Champion!!! Victory Dance!!!" But before he could dance, he realized he was over a crater about to erupt. "F**k." He was blasted into the sky. "TEAM DEAPOOL'S AT IT AGAIN!!!" Author's Note Wow... that was violent. Next chapter's going to be comedic and, if you're like me, quite nostalgic.
MARTHA!!!The sun rose once again, and in Luna's room, Deadpool cleaned the mess that he and Luna made while they were... well- "We F***ed. Just say that." Well, Excuse me! I'm not a porno writer! Ahem, Deadpool cleaned the mess he and Luna made, though the princess of the night snored away on her back. I never thought Luna would so cute snoring away after sexy times! After going through 9 Rounds, she deserves it. "We went through 9 rounds!? Man, I'm lacking. At least I don't have any blue balls anymore." He threw out literal blue balls out of the window, followed by pulling out his unicorn plushy. "And, as fun as it was during our movie, looks like I don't need you anymore, Deepthroat C**k S**t." Wait... isn't that-? "Yes, it's the name of that story! Didn't read it, by the way, nor the narrator, folks. He's not that single nor desperate to become a clopper." HEY!!! "Aw well." He made the final touches and readjusted Luna as she slept away. He gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I'll be back soon, my sweet Mooncheeks." "...Go... F**k... yourself." Luna snored away. Man, she's got quite the potty mouth! Considering it's with us, she's excused. "Ah, don't worry babe." Deadpool said, stroking her mane. "We can do some different positions the next time you're feeling horny." He lightly flicked her horn. "I'll Watchmojo some moves." Then, he teleported away, landing in front of Celestia. Celestia sipped some tea, but looked to see Deadpool. "...Deadpool." She spoke. Deadpool placed his finger near her lips, silencing her. "Shh... Don't tell your mother... Kiss one another... Die for each other." He kissed her on the cheek before disappearing. A guard approached to her. "Your Majesty?" he asked. "...I'd like to ask my sister how it was like." Celestia said. Deadpool found himself in Ponyville's park with fitting music playing. Many of the residents just stared and watched as Deadpool held a Waifu pillow of Luna herself. Many of the children pointed at the pillow imprint's of Luna's different 'positions'. This, however, ended rather abruptly, when a large vehicle ran over him. "AAAHHH!!! MOTHA F***A!!!" Deadpool screamed in pain. The vehicle opened with steam coming out, and out came- SPIDER-MAN!!! You idiot! It's Batman! "Da Fuq!?" Deadpool yelled. Sure enough, the bat of Gotham stood over him. "Tell me," he said in a voice that sounded pretty similar to Jigsaw of the Saw movies. "Do you bleed?" "You ran me over! Of course I'm bleeding!!!" Down from the sky came the other iconic Superhero. "Super-Man!? Really!? Great! Now where's Wonder Woman!?!?!?" Silence. "Oh... right. Hey! Supes!!! In Man of Steel, nearly a whole city was destroyed with millions dead! In my movie, I killed only about 100 guys! That makes me more of a hero than you!!!" Superman lifted Deadpool and threw him. He slid across the floor, but got up. "Oh!? Did I struck a nerve!? Jealous that my film had a budget of $58 million and made $359 million in the U.S. while your film had a budget $250 million and made only $302 Million in said country? See what happens when you make everyone overhype AF? I knew it was gonna suck because of the 'VS' in it! Folks at home, take a note: Alien V Predator, Freddy V Jason, King Kong V Godzilla! What do they all have in common? They're licensed characters fighting against other licensed characters in a big budget Hollywood movie that were hyped AF at the time, and disappointed everyone because they cop out with a god damn tie! The only exception would be Monsters Vs aliens and Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World; the Dreamworks film was just the general idea, and the other was based off of a graphic novel! Oh, you still here, Supes?" He grabbed Deadpool by the throat. "Oops! Looks like you're butthurt! I knew you'd kill people now! So low on the Charisma Factor... I think I need to start over my playthrough of Fallout 4!" His eyes glowed Red as Batman had on his power suit. "And here comes the part where we apologize to each other... WAIT!!! MY MOTHER'S NAME IS MARTHA!!!" "Martha!?" Both asked in shock. Superman released him, but- "KRYPTONITE FART!!!" He threw the green gas cloud that, though was Kryptonite, had a bad smell with it. Both heroes fell; Superman for his obvious weakness, and Batman because of the smell "HAHAHAHAHA!!! You fell for that! Now, it's time you have a fate worse than death." Deadpool pulled out a large hammer. "Behold! The Hammer of reboots!!! Hollywood loves this weapon! Isn't that right, Hollywood?" He pulled out a Mr. Potato head. "It's One Eye Bart... 'Oh-ho-ho!!! Money, money, money!'" Before both could say anything, Deadpool swung at their faces. Rather than their heads becoming dislocated as you'd expect... they just vanished. Wha-!? Where'd they go!? They're getting a reboot. Like many other movies, it's most likely going to fail compare to the originals... but there are some cases in which it's better, such as Dredd. "Oh! I wonder if I can have a crossover with him! And... HYA!!!" He threw the hammer of Reboots at Wonder Woman. She gasped and was gone to the land of rebooting. "And now, to the other suckas in that film!" With Doomsady, Deadpool released Michael Bay's Ninja turtles on them... followed by the Hammer of reboots. With Lex Luthor, Deadpool got the help from Heisenberg from Baking Bad, knocking the little b***h in his place before he could go Coo coo for Kryptonite... and both used the hammer of reboots on him. While he would attack the other heroes, Deadpool figured that they were going to die on their own, and instead, focused on Zack Snyder, using his own filming 'techinques' on him. As for Warner Brothers studios... he helped free the Animaniacs, and, with their help, he's on the production of the Lego Batman Movie, knowing that this Batman movie will not only appeal to audiences of all ages, help him be a bit kid friendly, and, of course, make millions. If this were the ending, it'd be perfect. Eh, it needs explosions. ... Wanna watch Animaniacs on Netflix? Hell yeah!!!
Through the fire and flames: Dragon 3 and 4 (Who counted those other ones?) Torch and Ember Through the fire and flames: Dragon 3 and 4 (Who counted those other ones?) Torch and Ember Deadpool woke up to find himself in what was a large canyon. "Hey! How'd I get here!? Guys, know how we got here?" I have no idea! Drugged, sleep walked, perhaps just teleport here? take your pick. "HUMAN!!!" A loud, booming voice shook Deadpool and the place. Deadpool stood right up and saw what was a- "WHOAH!!! That's one big muthaf**k!!!" "Your humor eludes me. I have heard all about you, and how you easily defeated some of the dragons that later tried to take my place as Dragon lord." "Oh yeah... that was before I meet Gunvolt... and before my author helped that other guy make Rogue Chaos... Hey! My word is green again!" "SILENCE!!! Human! I've been yearning for a challenge! I may no longer be a Dragon Lord, so you defeating me will not be anything to be ashamed of!" "Wait... you want me to fight you!?" "BRACE YOURSELF, HUMAN!!! When I win, you will be nothing but a snack for my belly!" "Eww! I don't to go through some Voraphilia again! But... let's dance! Yo! Hit it!!!" "Ooh! Skyrim! Me likey!" Deadpool put on the classic Skyrim helmet and ran to the giant dragon! The dragon let out a mighty roar, blowing Deadpool away before he flapped his wings and let out fire! Deadpool ran to the side before the fire could touch him, and began to run to the dragon, pulling out his pistols and fired. Unfortunately, Deadpool should've seen that the dragon had armor over it's underbelly, with the bullets bouncing off. "HA!!! My armor can stop any attack!" "Crap! Better get close! Hey! Dragon! I've got a bigger d**k than you!" "NOTHING'S BIGGER THAN ME!!!" The dragon flew to Deadpool, opening his maw, ready to devour the Mercenary. Deadpool charged ahead, jumping onto it's lower lip, and jumped onto it's horned nose before he could clamp Deadpool. He ran inbetween the Dragon's eyes. The dragon looked around. "WHERE ARE YOU!? Come out, you coward!" Deadpool ran to his right eye. The dragon looked at him "I prefer being called 'Strategic'. LEMON JUICE!!!" Deadpool pulled out a sliced Lemon and squeezed the juice into the pupil. The Dragon wailed in pain. MY EYE!!! Deadpool jumped out of the way as it used it's claws to cover it's eye. He climbed in between the eyes, ran past his crown, and slid down his back, disappearing beneath his armor. He grabbed onto some scales sticking out, and, with his free hand, pulled out his sword. "I know, God of war like." He began to stab the dragon. The dragon winced in pain. "WHAT IS THAT!? A THORN!?!?!? HA!!!" "Close enough!" He pulled a grenade out. "This is gonna hurt like hell, bot for you and me, big guy." He pulled the pin and mushed the grenade inside the sliced flesh. "GYA!!! WHAT IS THAT!?!?!? A- GAAAHHH!!!" The grenade exploded, blowing Deadpool down further down the dragon's back, but stopped as the dragon fell down onto it's belly. The Dragon, as Deadpool could see and feel, took off it's armor, and, much to Deadpool's surprise, fell onto his back. "This is gonna hurt." Deadpool could feel the incredible weight of the dragon land on him, reducing him to mush. Gah! I wonder if this is how Playdoh feels. Or just dough in general. The dragon stood up. "Grape escape." Deadpool said. "YOU'RE STILL ALIVE!?" The dragon asked in shock. "Surprising, but it makes no difference." Deadpool felt the Dragon's two claws grab him. You are tough, I will give you that, but I am hungry! You will be satisfying for my belly. "OH HELL NAW!!!" Deadpool yelled. He was tossed into the Dragon's maw. Before the jaws could close, Deadpool pulled out his swords and stabbed the roof of the mouth. The Dragon roared, making the merc's ears ring, but he didn't give in. "Had enough, b***h!? Try to bite me down, and my swords go directly into your brain!" "*I will chew you into bits, human!*" The dragon spoke, his mouth full and in pain, leading to this translation of muffledness "*You can't possibly expect to survive!*" "Oh, I will! I can go on for a complete three days!" "*I can go three weeks!*" "Three months! "Three years!" "Three centuries! "Three-" "Dad!" A female voice spoke. Deadpool turned to see a light blue, female dragon flying near her father's slightly open mouth. "Dad! You're bleeding! And... is that Deadpool!?" "Oh, 'Sup!" Deadpool spoke "Very nice to meet you. I'd shake your hand and any royal thing, but I'm a little... tongue tied here!" "Dad! Spit him out!" The young dragon yelled "*But Ember...*" "I got this." Deadpool said, teleporting away and onto the giant dragon's nose with his swords, sheathing them. "And I was hoping we'd have a truce where I'd let him live, he'd go around and cause havoc, I 'kill' him everytime, and we'd be stinking rich!" "...Okay..." she replied "Well, greeting, I am Dragonlord Ember, it is a pleasure to-" Deadpool slid to her and kissed the hand that wasn't holding the scepter. "Your majesty! Might I say that, you have become one of the most talked ladies around Equestria. So much so, that there's a bunch of featured fanfics around you right now on FimFiction.net!" "...What?" Deadpool scooped the now stiff dragoness. "Baby... if you weren't a baby, with your father away from us, and if I wasn't already sexually attracted to Princess Luna nor Sterile... then we'd be making Dovahkiins!" she gasped "You've studied the language of dragons!?" "Uh... Not really. I do know one, though it's dangerous." "Please! Tell me!" "... Ahem... FUS-RO-DAH!!!" Both Ember and her father were blasted away by the quote. "I LOVE YOOOOOOOOUU..." Uh oh! She loves us! What does that mean!? Looks like we're going to be in a love triangle like many Young Adult novels today. Oh no! Teenage drama!!! "And that's why I prefer Harry Potter, folks." Deadpool spoke. "And I better get outta here! TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!"
Forgot about her: Pony #154: Sweetie Drops/Bon BonBoth Luna and Deadpool were in bed again... wait... how did you-!? Luna's turned on by out feats! Indeed. Kinda makes us wonder why we didn't have public sex after killing Tirek. We're crazy, but not THAT crazy! We would've found a nice room to have sexy time in! Hell, Tirek's corpse could've been a great place! Like the Revenant! ...That's an awful comparison, Crazy, even for you. Deadpool looked up, giving the two a momentary break from furious making out. "Can you two keep it down!? I'm trying to get it on!" Sorry. Sorry. Deadpool and Luna continued to make out with each other, not even caring about Equestria's Cross-breeding relationship regulations, something that Celestia made a thousand years ago to make sure nopony or anything were going to make more powerful beings together. DICTATORSHIP!!! Shut up! Ignoring his voices, Deadpool and Luna... please... stop french kissing each other. "Jealous?" "Of what?" Luna asked "Uh... how great I am, despite not having a muzzle?" "Oh... well... muzzle or no muzzle, you really are the stallion of my dreams." "...Baby... If I were able to dream walk like you, then we'd be getting it on like-" A knock was at the door. "DAMMIT!!!" "Well... you better answer that. But I promise this: if you do something just as, or more, great than the last thing... my chambers are open for you. ...And is that a unicorn horn I see?" "GAH!!!" Deadpool blushed, putting on his briefs, mask, and a bathrobe. "Sorry! What you just said... it's so hot! Like your ass!!!" The knocking got louder. Deadpool teleported to Luna and both delivered a passionate kiss again. "Now you just stay there, Mooncheeks. I'm gonna impress you the f**k out!" "Go f**k yourself, Wade." "I love it when you swear!" Deadpool answered the door. "Yellow?" CLANG!!! Deadpool woke up, though his face was covered by a sack and his back tied to a chair. "Wha-? What the-!?" He yelled "HEY!!! Who hit me with a f***ing frying pan!? HUH!?!?!? That's so cartoonish, even for me!!!" "...Welcome Deadpool." A cybernetic voice spoke "We have been watching you." "AHH!!! Who's that!? Jigsaw!? Arnold Schwarzenegger from True Lies!? BATMAN!?!?!?" "No... We are part of an anti-monster agency in Canterlot. We are here to-" "OH! BON BON!!!" "...What? Uh... no! This is-" "Special Agent Sweetie drops!!!" "...Ugh... alright, you win." The sack was taken off and Deadpool saw that he was the mare in front of him, wearing a special collar. "Hey! Wassup!?" He looked around to see that they were in an empty room. "Huh... this your place? Bought an apartment? Or-?" "No, now be quiet! I have been watching all of your moves around Equestria, each of them, random and dangerous! I may have scratched you off as being like Pinkie Pie, but your ability to quickly heal from everything thrown at you and laugh it off is something that intrigued me. And your combat... never have I seen a monster like you fight so wildly, yet effective." "Wait? Monster? Oh, silly Bon Bon! I'm no monster! I'm just a mutate who had cancer, got these awesome powers, and my own fanbase, some who are reading this right now!" "...what are you-?" "Say hi, folks!" "Who are you talking to?" "Oh, right! Forgot; see, many of the most intelligent beings in the world are those that are able to see every other dimension! For now, we'll use this!" "Wait... is that a-" "Yep! And now... Viola!" "... WHAT THE-!?!?!? Who's that!?" "That is a reader! And so is he... she... he again... she again! Oh! And there's the author of this!" "Author!? He looks fat!" "He prefers 'big boned'." "...Sweet Celestia! They're... they're hideous!" "Hey! Not all of them are hideous! Look at me! Plus, I see some of the ladies there. Mmm... are those real?" "...What could be fake about them?" "Easy; limbs, eyes, hair, booty, and most importantly, their lips." "...Lips?" "I don't want to say boobs. They're very sensitive about that." "Why are you whispering?" "No reason! Now, time to zip it up and... there!" Bon Bon shook her head. "This is incredible! Deadpool! You have to give this ability to Celestia!" "Eh... nah." "No!? Why not!?" "Look, it's bad enough that some people believe they're being watched by some deity that watched over all of us, though science has proven that we're nothing more but a mole on the universe's ass and not the center of attention as we imagined, but do you honestly want everyone to realize that they're being watched by average Joes, almost every day, every night, and continuing until they die but will be replaced by someone else?" "...I never thought about that." "Good." He ruslted her mane. "Glad we had this little talk, my little pony." HEEHEE!!! Title dropping! Roll credits. "Now... if you excuse me... I gotta do something that will allow me to 69 Luna!" "...69?" "Not for the faint of heart. But I'm sure many of the cloppers out there are just saying 'Yeah!' like Rick James." "...Cloppers?" "Forgot to add, but some guys find you hot. If you saw them, wouldn't you be disgusted if they... moaned a lot?" "...I... guess so." "Good. Now... EPICNESS!!! AWAY!!!" He jumped out a window. "...He is the most strange character I've ever said."
Snootieness: Ponies 155 & 156: Jet Set and Upper CrustDeadpool jumped through the window, flipped in the air a couple of times, and landed on a table. Some of the ponies noticed and applauded. "Thank you! Thank you!" He replied with a bow "I'll probably be here all week." "Oh dear!" The sound of a really snooty stallion spoke "Look, honey... the human's here." "Ugh! Him? Here?" An equally snooty sounding mare spoke "I didn't know the circus's clown escaped." Deadpool turned around to see a gray unicorn stallion with a darker mane, wearing what looked liked a yacht club outfit, and a yellow unicorn mare with a purple & white mane. Who the hell do they think we are to talk to us like that!? Ugh... Jet Set and Upper Crust. Wait... you hate those guys!? I thought you were the snooty one!? I do prefer the high life, but these ponies give rich people a bad name. "We better leave," Jet Set said "we don't want to be late for our croquet game." "I bet he doesn't even know how to play it." Upper Crust added. They both let out a snooty laugh, lifted their heads up, and walked away. "Hm... this calls for desperate measures," Deadpool said, putting on a monocle "Fancy style!" The two mares arrived at the meeting. "Sorry we're late," Jet Set 'Apologized' "We just saw Equestria's most talked about monkey." "A monkey?" Upper Crust asked "I though it was a mannequin." They both laughed. "... Are you talking about Deadpool?" the croquet mare asked "We do." They both replied. She checked her list. "...Ah! He's actually part of the croquet club!" "WHAT!?!?!?" The two ran to see Deadpool wearing a golfer's outfit, knocking a ball with a mallet through a hoop. Some of the viewers 'applauded' by stopming their hooves. He turned to the two. "Ah! 'Allo there, Mr. Jet Set and Mrs. Upper Crust!" Deadpool greeted, tipping his hat. "Wonderful day for a game of croquet?" "...What are you doing here?" Jet Set asked "You know this is a high class meeting?" "Oh! I know the high class! I'm already fancy enough." "I think he means wearing his underwear inside out." Upper Crust said to her husband. "Hold this." Deadpool tossed a pair of white underwear onto Uppercrust's horn... and she panicked as she spotted a brown stain. Deadpool whacked the ball again, this time, going through several hoops. He took his dirty underwear off of her horn. "Thanks!" He pulled the bottom of his mask off and bit into a surprise in the underwear. "Mmm... nutty." The two's cheeks perked, but they swallowed it back. "Heh... It's chocolate! Not poop." "You... you beast!" Upper Crust shouted. "Yeah, I'm a beast at Croquet!" "You monster!" Jet set added "Of course; I'm a monster at winning!" "How can you be this ignorant!?" "Hm... how can you be some little d****ebags that think of themselves as being higher than anypony else, especially those who are entitled to both the elements of Harmony and are personal friends with Princess Celestia, Luna, Cadence, and Twilight Sparkle?" His mouth stayed open. "Heh... I didn't think so." Another swing. "And that's game!" Jet Set shook himself. "Oh no! This is no game! Deadpool, I challenge you to a game of GOLF!!!" The crowd gasped. "OOH!!! Time to Tiger Woods this!" Both Jet Set and Deadpool stood, wearing golfer outfits. Upper Crust held her husband's bolf bag, and Deadpool had Moondancer with her. "I never thought I'd be in a reserved golf course." Moondancer said "I've had, multiple times." Deadpool replied "And most of those times, I was on a job... or intoxicated... and without clothes on." "Enough of your chit chat, Deadpool." Jet Set spoke. "Take your swing!" "Alright then! Monndancer! Driver, please." She gave him his driver. Deadpool took a few steps back and swung with a satisfying 'Whack'! The ball landed near the hole... then turned and went into the hole. The audience clapped! "HOLE IN ONE!!!" "What the-!?" Jet set and Upper Crust yelled "Hot Shots Golf logic, baby. Your turn." Jet Set grumbled to himself and took his gold club. Another whack and the ball went into the hole, only to pop out immediately. "Ooh... not good." "Shut your trap!" Jet Set growled "We have 8 more holes to go!" 7 Holes later Nearly all of Canterlot watched the two play golf, both princesses watching, though, with Deadpool, Luna gave him a flattering look that, unfortunately, made many of the foals point at Deadpool and ask their parents if he's a unicorn. The score was simple: -8 for Deadpool, and -7 for Jet Set. Both were putting their balls in. "Your turn, mate." Deadpool said. "...Thank you." Jet Set replied. "And please, your Unicorn horn is growing again." "That ain't no horn, but it knows who it's growing for." Jet Set blinked, but refocused on the ball. A swing, and the ball went into the hole. "Birdie." Luna spoke. "Deadpool, if you get a birdie on this round, then you win this round and-" Deadpool putted the ball in. It went into the hole. He took off his mask. "Let's get it on!" "What!? Deadpool! That's for-!" He grabbed her by the back of the head and made out with her. Though she resisted, Luna gave in and kissed Deadpool back. Everyone groaned and gagged at the sight of Deadpool and Luna making out with each other. Both Jet Set and Upper Crust just stared with their mouths open, completely shocked by the sight. Upper Crust was the first to turn around and puke. Then, the paparazzi came and took pictures of the two making out, and somewhere, TMZ is closed for showing these leaked footage, but was burned to the ground by Bronies, Marvelittes, and anyone who hated the show, finally realizing that it was stupid as hell.. Author's Note ... I'm tired... goodbye.
DAMN!!! Ponies # 157. That BIG mare!Deadpool and Luna woke up to the sound of knocking. Deadpool groaned as he stood up, but putting on a helmet, as he became similar to Young Metro, but with doors. He opened the door, holding the censor bar over his below the belt area. He was greeted with a canterlot guard. The guard was surprised to see Deadpool without anything on. "...Can I help you?" he asked. The guard blinked, but tried to regain his attention to Deadpool. "Uh... yes... You and Princess Luna have been cordially invited to tonight's Grand Galloping Gala. We trust that-" "I'M ON IT!!!" Deadpool and Luna wore their most fanciest clothing. The Merc, though still wearing his mask, wore the same suit he wore when he was introduced to Ponyville, and Luna... he couldn't help but find her beautiful with her new dress on.. Celestia came along, wearing her own dress "Enjoying yourselves?" Celestia asked, but eyed at Deadpool. "Very much, sister." Luna replied with a nod. "Yeah," Deadpool added. "And both of your dresses don't look like s**t." "Deadpool..." Celestia growled. Luna chuckled. "Please, sister," she said "I too believe that our dresses weren't the best around." "...Just... don't do it again, please?" "Of course, sunbutt!" Deadpool said. Celestia could only groan to herself as she made her way around the gala. "...Psst... Luna?" "Yes?" she replied "Wanna ditch this party and f**k in the kitchen?" "Deadpool!" "What!? I get bored at these fancy parties. And I doubt the cake here is going to last long with your sister around." "What would you like to do, then? As much as I want to, we can't have sex all the time; I need some time to feel it again." "...Next week for sexy time?" "...Next week." "Sweet! So... want to dance?" "Oh please, I may enjoy sex with you, but dancing with you will make me the biggest joke around." "Ha! You should know that while I'm a five time winning Ratchet dancer, I know how to dance very fancy like." "Pfft. You're very terrible at lying." "Oh yeah. What shall we dance to?" "...Tango." "And we shall." "Wait... what!?" Deadpool held onto Luna's flanks with both hands and they teleported to the ball room. All the ponies around gasped as they saw Deadpool groping Luna's flank. The princess of the night could only blush, but she stomped on Deadpool's foot. He released her and hopped ariund on one foot for a while, but got back up. He turned to the Orchestra band. "Yo! Tango! And here's the cash!" The threw a wad of cash at them. The band just blinked, shrugged, and selected the right notes to play. "Deadpool! What are you-?" "Why, we're gonna tango, my dear princess. Let them gaze and awe as you can balance on your hind, and sexy looking, legs, as we dance!" "But, I can't-" "Never say never. ... And I'm not quoting Justin Beiber, but Fievel from An American Tail." He picked up Luna and head her stand on her hind legs. "Wha-!? Deadpool! I-" "Don't think. Just let the music flow through you." Then the music began to play. Luna took a deep breath and calmed down. Unbeknownst to the band, Vinyl appeared with them on her DJ track. The crowd stared, then cheered for the unlikely couple. Luna regained her focus. "Deadpool... I'm... sorry for not trusting you." Luna apologized. "Eh, don't worry," Deadpool replied "that's the same thing that I felt with Black Widow." "...Who?" "Eh, just a crush I had back home, but she's nothing compared to you, my sweet. Luna." She blushed, but smiled. She perked her lips. Deadpool, taking the bottom of his mask off, perked his lips, ready for a kiss. "OH MY GOSH!!! BE MY BOYFRIEND!!!" A loud mare shouted. Deadpool jumped, looking around. "GAH!!! What aw that!?" HOLY S**T!!! IT'S HER!!! "WHO!?!?!?" That one Large mare that wanted the princess dress. "...You mean?" LOOK OUT!!! PONY HONEY BOO-BOO!!! Crashing through everypony else like a train was, indeed, that large mare. "BE MY BOYFRIEND!!!" She yelled JESUS CHRIST!!! She's huge!!! She can eat us! She's bigger that us and probably on top of the food chain! "LET'S GET OUT OF HER BELLY!!!" Deadpool finished, turning and running away! "COME ON!!!" That large mare shouted, giving chase. The result was something similar to Temple Run... or the one that started it all, Pepsiman At the end of the hallway, Discord painted on what was an elevator. Sonata & Flufflepuff stood next o him, both wearing fake mustaches. "Wait... what are we doing again?" Sonata asked "Oh, the Narrator has made SOMETHING for one of his online friends & helpers, and it requires an elevator." "Why, though?" "Hm... probably because of some other fanfic he made that she's helping and he wants to return the favor by making this chapter lead to her and Deadpool hanging out together for a bit as they experience some random stuff on each 'floor'." "...What?" "ptthhpttphppthptttpphpttphpth." Fluffle Puff 'Spoke'. "Oh! Now I get it! Can I join?" "No." Discord said. "But now, we disperse!" "Where are we going?" "Wherever we're needed!" The three disappeared as Deadpool turned the corner. "AN ELEVATOR!?!?!? HERE!?!?!?" He asked himself. We better take it! I can hear her near us! The Large mare turned the corner and followed after him! She's near us! "Oh god! Why!?!?!?" He pushed the button for the door to open. He turned to see the large mare lunging at him, though not very graceful at it. He screamed as her shadow fell onto him. The elevator dinged and he entered it, but a white door appeared in front of the mare, making her crash, followed by a pink blur hitting him. To be continued... in another fanfic
DRAMA!!! Ponies #158-160: Daisy, Lily, and Rose "GAH!!! F**K!!!" Deadpool yelled in pain. "Why'd you do that!?" Comedy from Animaniacs is funny. It's time for Animaniacs! "Oh no!" A mare yelled "Girls! We have Deadpool!" Deadpool turned to see the three flower ponies; Roseluck (the cream coated with red mane), Lily (the pink pony with a yellow mane), and Daisy (A lighter pink pony with a green mane). "Oh no! One of the roses!" Daisy yelled, looking at the flower "We forgot to prune it!" "What!?" Roseluck added "I-I thought I pruned them all last night!" "WE'RE SLACKING!!!" Lily screamed. All three fainted to the floor. "Oh! The horror! THE HORROR!!!" Deadpool stood there and blinked. "... I don't get it." He simply said. He teleported away and returned with a stick. With said stick, he poked at the fainted mares. "HEHEHEHEHE!!! This is fun!" "Ow!" Roseluck spoke "Stop that!" "Oh, excuse me, I'm not the one that fainted over the fact that I repeated a skit from Mr. Skullhead." "... Ok?" "Up and at 'em, ladies!" The other two got up. "... Wait a minute... are you all trying to join a drama club?" "...Sorta." Lily replied "We've been working on our acting skills since we were fillies." Daisy added "We do love our shop, but this isn't really what we thought of." "Oh!" Deadpool said, taking out a skull. "So ye too want to be yon Shakespearean actores? Speaketh like thy Princess Luna?" "Uh... no, not really." Roseluck answered. Deadpool threw the skull away, where it entered a portal and hit a certain man in yellow. "Well, you three should know that I myself am a great actor!" "... You mean singer?" Daisy asked "Acting can go well with singing. I mean, look at Hugh Jackman! ... You folks already know him." ".Who are you talking to?" Lily asked "Eh, no one in particular, but to show you my acting skills, we must be in your store!" In their store, the place was changed to host other ponies, with Deadpool on stage. Deadpool, though wore his mask, was now in... a banana hammock. "I'm that damn sexy." Uh... didn't we agree that this would be a scene to- "As much as I liked it, I think Magic Mike deserves the attention it needed." ...Oh hell-! "HIT IT!!!" ...You know what? Fine. Deadpool performed his... sexy dance... to the three mares, who gawked at him... and had nosebleeds. Appearing next to Deadpool was the rest of the Taco Squad, though Discord was in the back, doing the lyrics... you know what? Just watch this video, I'm done! I'm outta here! This is too awkward, even for me!!!
Wasted with Pony #161: Berry Punch.It was Hearths Warming time. While many ponies stayed with their families, or, at least, visited their old families, many of the, how shall we say... lonelier ponies entered a place where they wouldn't be so lonely: the bar. Of course, Deadpool was no exception. Sure, he could go back to Luna and have Christmas themed sex positions with her, but, really, it was- "It's the Middle of May and already, Christmas!" He yelled "This is why I hated Christmas, people. Not because of the strange morality of Santa Clause and how he's part of the NSA, but because it's a glutton of a holiday; Starts whenever it wants, ends whenever it wants." "I agree...baby!" A drunk sounding mare spoke. Deadpool turned to his right to see a dark pink earth pony mare with a darker purple mane & tail, drinking from a tankard. She let out rancid sounding belch. "Another one!" Another Tankard slid down to her. Hold on a minute... Is that-!? Yes. It is. The Bartender was DJ Khaled "Aw f**k me." Deadpool said. "Well... might as well get wasted. Yo! One for me!" A tankard slid to him. He grabbed it and chugged it, finishing with Berry Punch. "Another One." The DJ said, sliding more to them "Another one... another one... another one..." Deadpool and Berry had large piles of Tankard behind them, and they were drunk AF. Deadpool turned to Berry, puking a bit under his mask. "Berry... you alive?" He asked "You're... like... a reverse centaur." Berry turned to him. "You... look like... Ryan Reynalds." She replied. Both laughed uncontrollably, but Deadpool puked again, with... oh god! "Hey... I didn't know I eat d**k... funny." That's... a vibrating... thingy. Heh... we're drunky tooy, stuffee. "I gotta pee." Berry said. She sat down and stared blankly, but smiled. "Not anymore." More Tankards were tossed to them. "Another one!" Khaled. ordered. "Only for you... Jabba teh house." Deadpool said, taking the Tankard and splashing it's beer inside all over his face. To avoid any more confrontation, we will see what Deadpool sees. Deadpool found himself in an Irish pub, wearing a leprechaun outfit himself. All around him, both ponies and various X-Men members stood around, also wearing Irish gear, and music was heard with everyone singing. Deadpool jumped into the middle. "♫Gather 'round ye lads and lasses, set ye for a while, and harken to me mournful tale about the Emerald Isle. Let's all raise our glasses high to friends and family gone, and lift our voices in another Irish drinkin' song. Consumption took me mother and me father got the pox, me brother drank the whiskey 'till he wound up in a box. Me other brother in the troubles met with his demise, me sister has forever closed her smilin' Irish eyes. ♫ ♫Now everybody's died, so until our tears are dried, we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more. We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light, then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again.♫ Crazy pushed Deadpool off. ♫Ken was killed in Kilkenny and Claire she died in Clare, Tip from Tipperary died out in the Derry air. Shannon jumped into the river Shannon back in June, Ernie fell into the Erne and Tom is in the Toome. "Cleanliness is godliness," me Uncle Pat would sing, he broke his neck a-slippin' on a bar of Irish Spring. O'Grady he was eighty, 'tho his bride was just a pup, he died upon the honeymoon when she got his Irish up♫ ♫Now everybody's died, so until our tears are dried, we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more. We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light, then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again.♫ Stuffy pushed Crazy off and took over ♫Joe Murphy fought with Reilly near the cliffs of Alderney, he took out his shillelagh and he stabbed him in the spleen. Crazy Uncle Mike thought he was a leprechaun, but in fact he's just a leper and his arms and legs are gone. When Timmy Johnson broke his neck it was a cryin' shame, he wasn't really Irish, but he went to Notre Dame. MacNamara crossed the street and by a bus was hit, but he was just a Scotsman so nobody gave a sh-♫ His head was sliced in half by Wolverine in green. ♫Now everybody's died, so until our tears are dried, we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more. We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light, then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again. ♫ Deadpool blew up Wolverine and took back his place. ♫Me drunken Uncle Brendan tried to drive home from the bar, the road rose up to meet him when he fell out of his car. Irony was what befell me Great Grand Uncle Sam, He choked upon the very last potato in the land. Connor lived in Ulster town, he used to smuggle arms, until the British killed him and cut off his lucky charms. And dear old Father Flanagan who left the Lord's employ, drunk on sacramental wine beneath the altar boy♫ ♫Now everybody's died, so until our tears are dried, we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more. We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light, then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again. ♫ A Spotlight surrounded Deadpool with small pegasi flying by him as doves. ♫Someday soon I'll leave this world of pain and toil and sin, the Lord will take me by the hand to join all of me kin. Me only wish is when the Savior comes for me and you... He kills the cast of Jersey Shore and Honey Boo boo too! ♫ ♫Now everybody's died, so until our tears are dried, we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more. We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light, then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again, then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again, then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once agaaaaain!!!♫ And back to the real perspective. The bar was trashed with Berry being dragged away by the bartender, and Deadpool being impaled by a statue of Celestia & Luna's mom. The Mane 6 all stood there with Starlight. "Glad you didn't invite him to the party, Twilight." Starlight commented. "Uh... I actually did." Twilight replied "But, now I'm glad he didn't accept it." "...Oh well, who's ready for the next episode before the mid season finale!?" Pinkie asked "Uh... what?" Rainbow Dash asked. Pinkie handed everyone scripts. "Quick! Learn your lines! June 11th will be here soon!!!" Author's Note
Dancing with Pony # 162: Tender TapsDeadpool, after some serious sobering up, strolled across ponyville, taking more notes how spring came early. "And thank goodness for that." He said. Some giggling was heard right behind him. "Oh!? I know those giggling anywhere!" He turned to see the CMC right behind him. "Girls!!!" "Deadpool!" the three fillies cheered, tackling him. "Ahh!!! The cuteness has been tripled!!!" Luna's eyes opened wide as she inspected a bottle of Lube & a shake weight. "... For some reason, I'm going to kick Deadpool's ass." Deadpool sat on a stool with the fillies. "And that's why I view The Incredibles as an outcry to Freddy Nietzchmeister's concept of the 'Herd Morality', and it's message of that you can never become become great, but be born great." "Really!?" Sweetie Belle asked. Deadpool picked her up. "Yep! But look at me! I may be butt ugly, but I'm talented!" "We can tell." Applebloom replied. "Of course you can! Right, Scootaloo?" "...Me?" A small boy voice spoke. "GAH!!! SCOOTALOO'S A MAN!?!?!?" "What!?" Scootaloo appeared next to the strange, male looking scootaloo-look-a-like, having an ice-cream cone. "Sorry, Ice cream. Hey, you look like me, minus the wings." Deadpool tackled the colt, pulling a gun out. "WHO THE F**K SENT YOU!?!?!? CHRYSALIS!? MY EVIL SELF!? COMBO-MAN!?!?!?" "AHHH!!! PLEASE!!! DON'T HURT ME!!!" The colt begged. Applebloom ran in the way. "Deadpool! This is mah friend, Tender Taps." She said. "... Your boyfriend?" Deadpool asked, suggestively, bouncing his eyebrows. Tender Taps and Applebloom blushed. "Uh... wha-!?" "You know what I mean? Both you, him, and the folks at home. "Uh... I like Applebloom," Tender Taps said "But... I'm not like... that." Deadpool picked the colt up. "Nonsense! You're going to sweep that filly off of her hooves!" "Uh... how?" "Like this!" The two teleported to a Celestia's throne room, with Celestia signing some papers. "...Deadpool?" Celestia asked, though sounded a bit impatient. "Figures. What are you-?" "CAKE!!!" Deadpool threw a whole cake out of a window. Celestia chased after the sweet pastry. "MINE!!!" She jumped out of the window. Deadpool tossed Tender Taps to the throne. "Now, just watch the video and use your imagination, folks. Skip to the 7 second mark." He teleported next to Tender Taps. "MY LEG!!!" Deadpool yelled, falling to the floor, face first. "AHH!!! Hurt... so... much!!!" "Oh... uh... need help?" Tender Taps asked. The door crashed open and Luna came in, cake covering her face. "Leave child," she said "Deadpool will pay for what he has done!!!" Tender Taps quickly ran past the princess. "I'm sorry!" "Eh... no worries." Deadpool said. "So... what are you-?" He felt something worse than getting an exam, as he felt Luna's horn entering where the sun don't shine. He let out a girl scream. "TAKE THAT, B***H!!!" Author's Note
Sisters? Ponies 163 & 164: Flitter and CloudchaserIn Ponyville, two pegasi mare walked side by side with each other. They both looked similar, but one was a lighter shade of blue with a more smooth mane, and wore a pink bow in her mane. The other was a darker shade with a more anime looking mane. Both walked to one of the more familiar looking homes in ponyville, but heard music inside. "Uh... Cloudchaser?" The bow wearing one asked. "Did you invite somepony over?" "No, did you, Flitter?" Cloudchaser asked back. "No." Both opened the door to see- HEY!!! GIVE ME BACK MY--- "Hello, ladies." Deadpool spoke in a very seductive voice. "Like what I did with the place?" "D-Deadpool!?" Flitter asked, shaking. "H-how did you get in?" "Easy. I used the force." "...There's broken glass right there." Cloudchaser pointed at a broken window. "Exactly! The force is strong with me." "Ugh... why are you here?" "To update my Selfies. And get to know you both better with the ultimate question." "And that is?" Deadpool teleported away and returned with a camera. "Are you two getting it on?" "What!?" Both mares asked. "You know... do you kiss each other? Lip to lip?" The two mares blushed, but Cloudchaser growled. "Oh! Looks like somepony's butt-" She tackled him and beat him up. "Owowowowowowowowow." Cloudchaser breathed hard as he was beaten up. "...Was that necessary?" Flitter asked "...With the new fighting moves we're learning," Cloudchaser replied "yeah... it's necessary." "Ooh! Glad to see my moves are working!" Deadpool replied. They both turned, only for Deadpool to be literally in their face. "Glad to see my moves may actually help the military for once. Hate to admit it, but you're all signing up to be nothing more than Celestia's stormtroopers. You wouldn't BELIEVE how easy they are!!! Deadpool broke into an art museum with stencils of...well... his 'chimichanga', and spray cans. The guards quickly arrived as Deadpool finished, taking with him a ponified version of the Scream. "Give up, Deadpool!" A guard shouted. "You're surrounded!" "...Look, there's a huge d**k!!!" Deadpool shouted, pointing into the sky behind them. "WHERE!?" One of the guards asked. Sure enough, on a building, was... you know. Deadpool cackled as he ran away. Deadpool kissed the Scream painting. "Who knew crime can pay so well? Especially when greater evils are becoming powerful!? I'm looking at you, Donald Trump." He pulled out a list. Honey Boo Boo The Cast of Jersey Shore (Especially Snookie) Adam Sandler That one F**k boi. Vegans IGN payers. Any politician. "Oh, never mind." "...So... are you gonna leave?" Cloudchaser asked impatiently. "Not until you answer my question." "...We're just friends, okay?" "Just friends?" Deadpool leaned in. "Friends with benefits?" He bounced his eyebrows. Cloudchaser just stared with an impatient look. "Come on... don't be shy. It's gonna be our little secret." Ooh! Hopefully, we get some lesbian action! Highly doubtful, f**king pervert. "We're just friends." Cloudchaser replied. "Yep! Best friends!" Flitter added. "She's like a sister to me!" "Sisters!?" Deadpool asked "...Aw! That's adowable!" "Now can you get out?" Cloudchaser asked. "Yep! That's all I need! SUBULAWA!!!" He threw himself out of another window and ran away. "BUSH DID 9/11!!!" The two mares just stared blankly. "...Ok?" Flitter asked. Author's Note Won't lie, I have NO idea what to do with them. Have some more idiotic things.
I need help, ASAP. Ponies # 165 & 166: Mr. and Plaid StripesIn the shop 'Rarity for You', somewhere in Saddle Row of Manehatten, the three employees inside made the new dresses, but stopped to help some customer... up until they heard a loud 'SMACK!', with something sliding down the window. Rarity, who was there to check the place, walked to the door. "Oh, please don't let it be another bird." she groaned to herself. She opened the door, only to be shoved by a barrel with familiar legs sticking out. "Hey! What the-!? Alright, mister, show yourself, or else I'll-" Deadpool popped out of the barrel naked. "Fancy horse!" He yelled "I need clothes, ASAP!!!" "...Deadpool? What are you doing here? Where's your clothes? And why do you... ech! Smell like wet dog?" "No time to answer! I need clothes! I'm being chased as we speak!" "Chased? By who, exactly?" "The Ponified version of the Russian Mafia! Probably the enforcer... or leader... or both! I gotta hide!" "...Can you describe me what this pony looks like?" "He's a stallion, white, like you, purple mane & tail, like you, a bit pudgy, blue vest with gold chain!" "...Wait a second. That sounds a lot like-" "There you are!" A Russian accent voice spoke. Both turned to see Mr. Stripes in the doorway. "...Let's go bowling!" "NO GOD!!! NO GOD, PLEASE NO!!! NO! NO! NNNNOOOOO-!!!" A large dart was thrown into Deadpool's eye. "Let's play darts." "...I'm confused." Rarity spoke. Deadpool groaned as he pulled the dart out of his eye. "This can all be answered with a video that's approximately 9:30 long, 10 if they watch the credits. I actually became a good friend to Mr. Stripe... so much, he now calls me 'cousin'. The rest is explained, though we also had that big chick, and MrAquino for some reason." You know who to replace with who. Rarity stared blankly at how it ended. "...And how did you end up naked?" she asked "Oh, I ran into his house and meet his kid." Deadpool replied "She ripped everything off to get me to wear spoons. ... I may have accidentally psychologically scarred that kid for life, especially when she thought it was a worm at first." Poor kid... we done f**ked up REAL bad this time! It's her fault for taking it off! Plus, they're naked! Shouldn't that be alright with her? They have a different anatomy than their horse counterparts. But how do they make babies? "YOU DID WHAT!?!?!?" Mr.Stripes yelled. "I didn't do it!" Deadpool replied "She did it herself." "Oh, that does it! I'm gonna have your worm ripped right out and give it to the dogs!" "... Well... dogs do sniff down there." Mr. Striped pulled out a bottle, smashed it on the counter, and held the end at Deadpool. "Oh s**t! Uh... pocket sand!" Deadpool threw sand at Mr. Stripe, blinding the stallion. He got up and ran upstairs, entering Vinyl's club. "Oh thank God! Vinyl! I need help!" Unfortunately, the unicorn was too busy to hear him. "DEADPOOL!!!" "Oh S**t!!! ... Ah-ha! Perfect." Mr.Striped entered the room, only to see Deadpool holding the Dubstep gun from Saints Row 4. "TIME TO DROP THE BASE!!!" He fired. All over Manehatten, Deadpool fired the dubstep gun; everypony in an ear-distance were entranced and had no choice but to dance. And luckily, for Deadpool, at least, this was an effective way to make everypony forget what happened... and get away with SO MUCH property damage, except for Rarity for you, which was the only store untouched by the dubstep for... reasons. Author's Note Okay, though it's been a while, but who should Deadpool meet next? Should be a part of the show, so, sorry, but I'm no longer accepting O.C.s or other famous people; I'll add those when I feel like it.
Da huuuuuudge... Smooze.As Deadpool ran out to the forest, sleeping on the way, he slammed into something huge, wet, sticky, and... slimy. Eww!!! What'd we hit!? I don't know... Wake up! Deadpool snorted awake. "Who's there!?" He demanded "I'mma slice the s**t outta you!" All that was heard was some gurgling. "AHH!!! Dragon guts!!!" Deadpool sliced at what was ahead of him, though only squishing was heard. His vision came, and in front of him was a green blob that... smiled? OH GOD!!! WE FOUND HONEY BOO BOO!!! That's not Honey Boo Boo! Nor her mom! It's the smooze. "Smooze!?" Deadpool asked. He looked at his torso, seeing it covered in green slime. "Aw S**T!!! Where's the Oxi-clean!?... Oh, right... you can't talk." The Smooze 'tilted' it's head in curiosity. "Alright, well... I don't think you're listening to me, but, hi, I'm Deadpool, Merc with the mouth, regenerating degenerate, yadda yadda." It continued smiling. "... Uh... so... I guess I'm sorry for cutting you... though... you don't seem to mind." More smiling from the Smooze. "Jeez, I wonder if you're even paying attention to me." Ooh! I know what we can do! ...What? "Yo mama's so FAT; When she jumped in a pool, NASA found water on mars!" More smiling. "...Well, that's not gonna work. Um... wait... do you dance?" More smiling. "... I'll take that as a yes. Oh, and to all the readers, please, support the official makers of this new, kickass song. Teamheadkick, thanks for the second rap... and no, not the movie version, but a literal second!" He pulled out a boombox and pressed the play button. Deadpool Rap 2 played. For once, The Smooze danced, albeit, looking more like it was bouncing and, if possible, shook what would be it's butt Go Go Go Go Deadpool Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Deadpool, Merc with a Mouth. Deadpool did his dancing moves that were just as smooth as the beat, but, he reenacted his various lyrics ♫2Guns, and 12 rounds. Click, Click, boom, Everyone falls down. 2Guns, and 12 rounds. Click, Click, boom, Everyone falls down.♫ ♫I'm the Merc with a Mouth, They call me Deadpool. Taking Everybody out, I'm from the old school. Do my own damn thing; I don't follow the rules I regenerate all of my molecules A little crass, rude, and cynical, knuckle up punks, let's get physical. Always itchy on the trigga fingah so I got a bullet poppin' headshots 'till I'm runnin' outta bullets. Walk the walk, and talk the talk, grab the guns and swords, and I'm ready to rock. With my head held high, middle fingers up, The only thing I give is Zero f**ks!♫ ♫Go Go Go Go Deadpool, Merc with a Mouth Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Deadpool, Merc with a Mouth.♫ ♫Taco tuesday is our jam, I'm loading up tacos, yes I am! Hack and slash with both Katanas, Face bashin' Chimichangas!!!♫ ♫2Guns, and 12 rounds. Click, Click, boom, Everyone falls down. 2Guns, and 12 rounds. Click, Click, boom, Everyone falls down.♫ ♫I'm the man with the plan; Initials D.P. With the red suit on, they can't see me bleed! UNSTOPPABLE!!! There's no way to kill me! Cut me down and I'm coming back guaranteed! Big old guns, I'm bringing the boom! Driveby, then I'm leaving the room. What they did to my grill is criminal, FRANCIS This face isn't fixable! Trying to mutate was straight up miserable, I don't give a f**k now though, I'm Invincible!!! Tallin' jokes for day, I come correct You best get out my way or you're gonna get wrecked! Swinging like a heavyweight and dropping everybody, Even though I'm indestructible, I'm still getting bloody! When it comes to kickin' ass, ain't no one above me. I'm a sexy mutha f**ka, and all the ladies love me.♫ ♫Let's get ridiculous Dead Get up, get out your seat. Pool You've got me feeling this and I know you're feeling me. Let's get ridiculous Dead Get up, get out your seat. Pool You've got me feeling this and I know you're feeling me.♫ ♫Now stop the beat and make the booty drop! Just call me DJ-Hack-a-Lot Now drop the bass like a maniac! Just killin' everybody like a heart attack♫ ♫2Guns, and 12 rounds. Click, Click, boom, Everyone falls down. 2Guns, and 12 rounds. Click, Click, boom, Everyone falls down.♫ ♫Mess with the ladies, you gonna get whooped on! Put em up, put em up, come get some! Illest Merc, there is no doubt Now step up chump, get knocked the f**k out! Immortal and untouchable, Psychopathic and dysfunctional. Maximum effort, I never stop Straight kick you in the nuts while I'm wearing crocs!♫ ♫We got a bleeder! Ha! Better bring a mop! Like a fish out water, I'll just watch you flop! I drop 'em all, round after round, Now hang on a minute while I'm breaking it down. With unicorn porn, you know I'm tugging it, knocking my head to the beat and bumping it, Booty in my face; OK, I'm Huggin' it Twerking that ass so fast and loving it!♫ ♫Go Go Go Go Deadpool, Merc with a Mouth Go Go Go Go Deadpool, Merc with a Mouth. Go Go Go Go Deadpool, Merc with a Mouth Go Go Go Go Deadpool, Merc with a Mouth.♫ When the music dwindled away, the Smooze gave Deadpool a slobbering kiss across his face. YECH!!! At least we have our mask on. "...Ah... the return of the 'Why Boner'... WITH A VENGANCE!!!" He took a selfie with the Smooze- "Damn whiners" and ran away to another one of his random adventures. Author's Note If you know what Da Huuuuuudge is and what it's from... have a cookie! And yes... that's the pic. Who should be next, though?
Risk Taker. Ponies # 167, 168, and 169: Fluttershy's parents and Zephyr Breeze Risk Taker. Ponies # 167, 168, and 169: Fluttershy's parents and Zephyr Breeze Deadpool and the taco squad stood in an open field with Cloudsdale in the distance. "According to my calculations," Pinkie spoke, holding a map of Equestria "The ammount of gunpowder we have, the impact of the explosion, followed by the force & wind resistance, you should be able to land in Cloudsdale." "But how's he going to stay on?" Surprise asked "F**k logic!" Deadpool yelled, putting on a helmet. "I'm Deadpool!" "...Fair enough." Sonata gave Deadpool a quick taco, which he scarfed it down, despite wearing his mask. Discord held a lighter and placed the fire on the fuse. "And now... Ride of the Valkyries!" Fluffle Puff pulled out a boombox from her coat and played it. Discord lit the fuse. Quickly, everyone put on army outfits with thick mustaches. Deadpool, as soon as he let out a short but, but pretty loud fart, was fired! The wind flew by his face as he was blasted to Cloudsdale; all the pegasi could see was a screaming red blur flying past them, and many of them flew out of the way to safety, though others were just fazed. In a small house, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash sat on the table as the shy pegasus's parents made tea for them. While the two mares talked about what they may do for the weekend, in came in Fluttrshy's brother, Zephyr Breeze. "Have you heard the news as of late!?" He asked, walking to the table with a strut in each step. "Some weird thing name Deadpool is around here!" "...Yeah," Rainbow Dash spoke, uninterested. "We know that already... it's been almost two years already." "Of course, Dashie," He rustled her mane "I was just checking your knowledge. If anything happens, I'm here to protect ya!" "He's really not that dangerous," Fluttershy spoke "or mean, just... different." "Oh? How so?" Her father asked, setting the tea on the table. "Well, he's-" Everyone stopped as they heard a whistling noise heading towards their home, followed by the roof exploding as Deadpool entered, rolling across the floor and breaking all the bones in his body, landing on the family couch. "AHHH!!!" Deadpool screamed "My Neck! My Back... ♫Lick my p***y and my crack.♫" Zephyr hid behind Rainbow Dash. "Gah! What's that thing!?" He asked "It's Deadpool." Rainbow Deadpanned. "The one and only!" Deadpool spoke, pointing the air... which cracked & broke. "GAH!!! Mother F***er!!!" "Oh dear!" Fluttershy's mother spoke "He's hurt!" "It's actually normal for him." Fluttershy spoke, walking to the merc. "Let's just pop this in there..." She cracked Deadpool's shoulder in. He wailed in pain, followed by laughter. He popped his other shoulder in, flopped onto the floor, cracked his back, and, flailed his legs back into place. He stood up, much to the disturbance of Fluttershy's family. "Healing factor, Fluttershy's family." He spoke, putting on a bowler hat & tipping to the family. "I'll pay for the damages done." He teleported to the table and sipped the readily made tea. "Mm... exquisite!" "I'm outta here!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, zooming away. "Wait!" Zephyr spoke "You need-" He was quickly tackled by Deadpool. "No one takes Dashie!" He yelled "No one! Only Soarin! Fly Dahie! Fly like the wind! Become the spectrum!!!" "...See what I mean?" Fluttershy asked her parents "Oh yes," Her mother nodded "He's very... different." Deadpool appeared next to Fluttershy's father. "Hm... I see that you're a huge Markiplier fan," Deadpool observed her father "What with the pink, and might I add, lovely mustache." Her father blushed. "Oh, uh... thank you?" He replied. "But your mane... is it strawberry ice cream? I'm more of a chocolate person myself, but, to each their own, I guess." He teleported and picked up Fluttershy's mom. "And look at you! I'm quite surprised that you're just as soft spoken as your daughter!" "Oh... is there something wrong with that?" Fluttershy's mom asked "Oh nononono, not at all. I guess that most of the Brony's headcanon was that you were both part of some motorcycle gang. That, or more than likely, it was anything but soft spoken, along with Zephyr." "Me!?" The stallion demanded. "We all thought you were more or less Butterscotch and when her friends saw you, it was love at first sight... or more or less a real case of stalker-ism like that one girl and ninja guy... eh, some things are meant to be broken anyways, like various theories online. But enough of destroyed ideas, let's head to the park!" Deadpool ran and opened the door. "Deadpool!" Everyone yelled. He took a step and fell through the clouds. "WHY DIDN'T I LISTEEEEEEEE-!!!" "...Well... that's one problem out of our manes." Zephyr spoke. His family all gave him an angered glare. "What!? He was annoying!" Deadpool crashed through Luna's roof, landing on her bed. She was busy looking over various papers. "You're paying for those." she deadpanned. "I know." Deadpool replied, snapping his neck into place. "Just meet Fluttershy's family. Very adorable... except maybe Zephyr, of course." "... Agreed." "...You know, though I was there very shortly, it felt... welcoming, actually." "Mhm." "I mean... they were nice to me, despite my recklessness, listened to me, had a very soft feeling, were... loving," he began to sniffle "were innocent... and... and-" Luna turned to him. "Are you seriously going to cry!?" "... Sorry... just... never really had a feeling like that." Luna groaned. She used her magic and brought him next to her. "You're suppose to be the jackass that gets everyone straight and not act like whining babies, not me." "Oh, and what's your role?" "I'm suppose to be the loving, motherly type who encourages everyone to follow their dreams and never give up. Or, in your case... something like an inspiration." "...You want that to be like us?" "With the way you snapped me out of my 'oh woe is me?' trance and how you're a damage man that needs some love... definitely." Deadpool smiled under his mask. She took his mask off. "There, now there's my handsome as hell testicle with teeth." "Heh, and you're my horse with literal mooncheeks, mooncheeks." "Just shut up and give it to me." "Oh, I'm gonna give it to ya!" He pulled out a chimichanga. "After movie night." "...What do you plan on watching?" "Eyes wide shut." Author's Note Next one's going to be more slapstic... and slightly racist. (Sorry Indians )
Bovinophobia"NOO!!! NEVER!!!" Deadpool screamed as Applejack dragged him with her lasso. "For the last time, Deadpool," she huffed "Ya'll need to face your ridiculous fear of cows!" "NEVER!!! I'm too rich and busy to face my fear of cows!!! I only wish to see them become ground beef for my chimichangas and burgers!!!" "Now that's a huge balookey!" Deadpool teleported, standing up to the mare. "Oh yeah!? Tell me, AJ, why do you keep animals around the barn?" "...Beg yer pardon?" "Why do you keep animals around the barn? With the exception of your pooch, there's no reason you should have animals around your barn." "Every animal we have helps our profit! Chickens help make the eggs we need and sheep give us wool for clothes!" Deadpool teleported behind AJ and slapped her flank. "You don't need to wear clothes with a nice ass like that!" The Apple pony blushed, but growled, bucking Deadpool in the face. "...ow." "We don't usually wear clothes, but them higher ponies do! Noe come on! Daisy Jo's waitin'." Deadpool pulled a knife from his boot. "You guys ever seen my movie? Spoilers!" He began to cut his left hand off. Again? Really? AVOID THE COWS!!! Unfortunately, Applejack bucked him, knocking him unconscious. Deadpool awoke and found himself in a pleasant meadow. All around him, flowers bloomed with butterflies & bees pollinating them, a gentle & warm breeze flew past him, and there was peace all around. He looked around, seeing that the meadow never seemed to end... and no tree was around. "...Well, to see if someone's watching." He turned his back, unzipped his pants, and peed... he peed out rainbows. "Oh! A dream!" "Very much." The motherly voice of Luna spoke. Deadpool turned to see the princess of the night herself. He immediately had a nine inch boner. "Wade, though we don't have much time here, let me encourage you to face your fears." Deadpool turned into his pony self. "Or... you and I can have the best pony on pony action with a better love story than both Twilight and Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones." "Deadpool, as much as I would love to have it with you, this is a dream, so it's not going to be as good as if we're awake. And secondly, why hate Twilight's interest in Flash Sentry and say we'll be attacked by clones?" "...Your majesty... you and I will have t go through a crapathon of s****y films. But after that, we'll watch the better love stories of all time... and perhaps roleplay as them. I'll be Aragorn and you'll be Arwen!" "...Who?" "Ugh... I have the lord of the Rings Trilogy in my house. Get them and watch them. Best 9 hours of your life! And, before you ask, yes, the eagles would be better." "Wait, what are you-?" "ALLAHU AKBAR!!!" Deadpool woke up again with a snort. REALLY!?!?!? A 9/11 JOKE!?!?!? It was an inside job. Deadpool froze as he heard 'moo's. He stood up and froze as, all around him, cows were around, eating grass and doing cow things. "Oh God... I'm in hell." He whimpered. He took his first few steps, avoiding contact with both the cows, and any of their fresh 'pies'. As much as he wanted to, none of his weapons were with him, and, even if he did, the cows seemed too... cowy for him to hurt... did I seriously just type that down? You did. Ugh... anyways, Deadpool made his way out, and, getting out of the cattle, he ran away a few feet. He turned to the cows, cheering in victory. "YES!!! YES!!! F**K YOU, COWS!!! YOU'RE ONLY GOOD FOR MILK AND MY TACOS, BEEOTCH!!!" "Ah wouldn't say that." Applejack said. Deadpool turned to the farm pony. "YOU!!! HOLD STILL WHILE I STRANGLE YOU!!!" "You won't." She pulled a toy snake out from her back and threw it in the herd of cows. "Ya'll better run." Loud & panicked moos were heard, followed by heavy footsteps. He turned to the stampede heading for him... and followed by memories of The Lion King. ...We should've worn the brown pants. "AAAAHHH!!!" Deadpool screamed like a woman, turning and running away from the stampede of cows! While Deadpool's years of combat training seemed to help... just the idea of being chased by cows made him slow down; fear took a hold of him! A Dead tree was in the way and he jumped into the Dead tree, holding on for dear life! "MOMMY!!! DADDY!!! JESUS!!! TOM SELLECK!!!" On Earth. Tom Selleck looked up from his crossword puzzle. He looked around, but shrugged, going back to his puzzle. Back. Like a Deus Ex Machina device, Princess Luna flapped her wings over Deadpool. "LUNA!!!" He yelled "Please!!! I need to ride you!!!" "Did you mean that sexually?" Luna asked "Both if you get me outta here!!!" "Hm... I don't know..." "Come on!!!" "I mean... this is quite funny, seeing you, the Merc with the Mouth, cry for help from cows and holding on to a dead tree," the tree cracked, making Deadpool scream. "And, you have your healing factor, so I don;t have to worry about your health that much." "God Dammit, Luna!!! What do you want!?" "For you to stop calling me mooncheeks." "Done!!!" "And for you to take selfies again." "Been doing that!" "And sign this contract." She levitated documents to him. He hasitly signed the papers. "Good, hop on." Deadpool jumped onto Luna's back and she flew off. The two landed outside Ponyville park. "Oh... thank you! Thank you so much, Luna!!!" "Your very welcome. And now, your payment." Her horn glowed and Deadpool shrunk. "Hey! What the-!?" "Aww... you're so cute! Don't worry, we're gonna have some fun." "W-Wait? What!?" "You signed my contract! According to my contract, now, whenever you're feeling horny, you're going to have to do what I feel like doing. Right now, I shrunk you, and you are going to have to enter-" "Oh... my... yes! Wait... MrAquino?" I ain't typing that s**t!!! End chapter!!! Author's Note If you want to write the various kinks... go ahead. I ain't posing them, though
Join my team.Everypony in Ponyville watched in silence as Deadpool ran around with his phone, laughing like a madman. Twilight Sparkle poked at Pinkie. "Pinkie Pie," she spoke "whay is Deadpool acting like this?" "Because he lost most of his sanity and can see that we're nothing more but characters by by companies for profit?" Pinkie asked "... Uh... no... I mean, why is he running around with his phone like that? He's not taking his 'selfies', nor is there anything of interest in front of him... not unless he's seeing things through his phone." "Oh!!! That!!! Don't worry, I too have that game!" "What!? What Game!?" Deadpool tackled Twilight. "HOLD STILL, PIKACHU!!!" He yelled. "Deadpool!!! Stop!" "NEVER!!! I GOTTA CATCH THEM ALL!!!" "Catch what!?" "POKEMON GO!!!" Luna appeared next to him. "Pokemon!?" She asked, looking around "Where!?" "In my phone!" Luna peaked. On Deadpool's phone, a Pikachu laid on Twilight's head. "Holy s**t! Where can I get this!?" "With your own cell phone." "Hold on!" Twilight yelled "What the heck's a Pokemon!?" Deadpool, Luna, and Pinkie with the rest of the taco squad gasped with anime faces. "You don't know what Pokemon is!?" They all asked in unison. "Uh... no... and I don't think anypony does either." "Oh-ho-ho-ho!!! Then we'll show you! Care to join me, Luna?" "...I am not the singing type," Luna replied, "But... yes... we shall sing." Discord summoned instruments and Music played Deadpool Luna Everyone ♫I wanna be the very best Like no one ever was To catch them is my real test To train them is my cause I will travel across the land Searching far and wide Each pokemon to understand The power that's inside♫ ♫Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all! It's you and me I know it's my destiny, Pokemon! Oh you're my best friend In a world we must defend Pokemon! A heart so true Our courage will pull us through, You teach me and I'll teach you, Pokemon! Gotta catch'em all!♫ ♫Every challenge along the way With courage I will face. I will battle every day To claim my rightful place. Come with me, The time is right, There's no better team. Arm in arm we'll win the fight! It's always been our dream!♫ ♫Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all! It's you and me I know it's my destiny, Pokemon! Oh you're my best friend In a world we must defend Pokemon! A heart so true Our courage will pull us through, You teach me and I'll teach you, Pokemon! Gotta catch'em all! ♫ Discord did his solo guitar solo for the song. "Oh yeah! Get that guitar rift!" Deadpool said, holding out his phone. "You're attracting the Butterfree's!" ♫Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all! It's you and me I know it's my destiny, Pokemon! Oh you're my best friend In a world we must defend Pokemon! A heart so true Our courage will pull us through, You teach me and I'll teach you, Pokemon! Gotta catch'em all! ♫ The sudden crowd of ponies around cheered, though Twilight was on stage, confused looking. "Uh... that's very interesting." she commented "but... what exactly is a Pokemon? Can you give me a list?" "...Twilie... get ready." Deadpool spoke "And folks at home, I know I have a one song limit per chapter, but this is an exception... and this all G1! Luna, if you please?" "Of course." Fluffle Puff prepared some pictures of Pokemon. Luna cleared her throat as she floated on a cloud. ♫I want to be the best there ever was. To beat all the rest, yeah that's my cause.♫ Electrode, Diglett, Nidoran, Mankey Venusaur, Rattata, Fearow, Pidgey Seaking, Jolteon, Dragonite, Gastly Ponyta, Vaporeon, Poliwrath, Butterfree ♫Catch 'em, catch 'em, gotta catch 'em all Pokemon! I'll search across the land, look far and wide, release from my hand the power that's inside.♫ Venomoth, Poliwag, Nidorino, Golduck Ivysaur, Grimer, Victreebel, Moltres Nidoking, Farfetch'd, Abra, Jigglypuff Kingler, Rhyhorn, Clefable, Wigglytuff ♫Catch 'em, catch 'em, gotta catch 'em all, Gotta catch 'em all, Pokemon!♫ Zubat, Primeape, Meowth, Onix Geodude, Rapidash, Magneton, Snorlax Gengar, Tangela, Goldeen, Spearow Weezing, Seel, Gyarados, Slowbro ♫Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all, yeah! Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all, yeah! Gotta catch 'em all, Pokemon!♫ Kabuto, Persian, Paras, Horsea Raticate, Magnemite, Kadabra, Weepinbell Ditto, Cloyster, Caterpie, Sandshrew Bulbasaur, Charmander, Golem, Pikachu ♫At least 100 and 50 or more to see. To be a Pokemon master is my destiny.♫ Alakazam, Doduo, Venonat, Machoke Kangaskhan, Hypno, Electabuzz, Flareon Blastoise, Poliwhirl, Oddish, Drowzee Raichu, Nidoqueen, Bellsprout, Starmie "We're at the halfway point, doing great so far." Luna commented "We?" Deadpool asked "What's all this 'we' stuff? I'm doing all the hard work!" "Breaktime's over, here we go!" Metapod, Marowak, Kakuna, Clefairy Dodrio, Seadra, Vileplume, Krabby Lickitung, Tauros, Weedle, Nidoran Machop, Shellder, Porygon, Hitmonchan ♫Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all, yeah! Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all, yeah!♫ Articuno, Jynx, Nidorina, Beedrill Haunter, Squirtle, Chansey (Pokemon) Parasect, Exeggcute, Muk, Dewgong Pidgeotto, Lapras, Vulpix, Rhydon ♫At least 150 or more to see. To be a Pokemon master is my destiny.♫ Charizard, Machamp, Pinsir, Koffing Dugtrio, Golbat, Staryu, Magikarp Ninetales, Ekans, Omastar Scyther, Tentacool, Dragonair, Magmar "Whoa, catch your breath Wade." Luna spoke, gently tapping Deadpool's shoulder "Shake out those lips." "It's downhill from here, just 24 more to go." Deadpool replied "Now it gets tricky so listen real good." Sandslash, Hitmonlee, Psyduck, Arcanine Eevee, Exeggutor, Kabutops, Zapdos Dratini, Growlithe, Mr. Mime, Cubone Graveler, Voltorb, Gloom We're almost home! ♫Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all, yeow! Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all, huaw! Gotta catch 'em all, Pokemon!♫ Charmeleon, Wartortle Mewtwo, Tentacruel, Aerodactyl Omanyte, Slowpoke Pidgeot, Arbok That's all folks! ♫Catch 'em, catch 'em, gotta catch 'em all Ooh, Gotta catch 'em all, Pokemon.. Catch 'em, catch 'em, gotta catch 'em all Ooh, Gotta catch 'em all, Pokemon.. Catch 'em, catch 'em, gotta catch 'em all Gotta catch 'em all, Pokemon!♫ Deadpool fainted. Luna poked at him. "Hm... Deadpool has fainted." She said, followed by holding up a Pokeball herself. "It's super effective." She threw the pokeball and 'captured' Deadpool. "There we go... and, for this occasion, Deadpool, we'll have our own battle when you wake up... a roleplay you're certain to love... what's the sexiest Pokemon, though?" Many of the ponies immediately walked away as fast as they can... though many stood in line as the Taco squad sold Pokemon merchandise, including some bootleg games Author's Note Just got Pokemon Go... can't... stop... playing!!! Have more Pokemon crap!!! Gotta watch 'em all!!!
FINALLY!!! Ponies 173 and 174: Dinky Doo and Amethyst Star FINALLY!!! Ponies 173 and 174: Dinky Doo and Amethyst Star In Ponyville's park, a grey-pink unicorn filly with a yellow mane & tail sat down with a pink unicorn mare with a purple mane & tail. The mare sat on a simple blanket with their own basket, though the filly bounced a ball on her head & muzzle, having some fun. This however, almost ruined her record as it bounced further than she could make it to. Everything went in slow-mo with fitting dramatic music "NNNOOOO~~~!!!" The filly screamed. Just by a centimeter, before the ball even touched the floor, Deadpool's head erupted from the floor, bouncing the ball back to the filly. The sight, however, made her scream, running to the picnic with the unicorn mare. "Wait! Come back!" Deadpool yelled "I'm a diglett!!! I'm a famous Pokemon with creepy fan art!" "Oh great... Deadpool." The mare groaned. "Relax Dinky, he's not gonna hurt you... just annoy you." "Hey! I don't annoy people! I bring entertainment with great, sophisticated humor that surpasses all those crappy cartoons today... oh come on! Another link!?" "Whatever... how did you get here? Weren't you whisked away by Luna?" "Yes I was. To avoid Dinky being scarred mentally, I shall activate the spoilers. Princess Luna and I roleplayed our battle. She was dressed up as an Absol, a new Pokemon, but, I digress. See, she was that, and I was dressed up as a Hitmonchan. As you can expect, it was pretty violent, at least, in Pokemon standards... and for the PC people who know Pokemon is praised animal fighting, but, again, I digress. But, after our fight, she fell asleep, and I escaped, trying to find more pokemon... only to fall down a hole, get chased by some weirdos, and appear here. So... little help?" "...Fine." Her horn glowed and Deadpool came out with a 'pop'. "I take it that you wish to join us?" "Oh yes!" He wiped himself from the dust. "Good. My sister and I are having peanut butter jelly sandwiches, and you can-" She paused as Deadpool was in a banana suit. "... why me?" "It's peanut Butter Jelly Time! Peanut Butter Jelly time!!!" Before he could sing, a sandwich slammed into his face! "NO SINGING!!! It's bad enough that my sister now wants to hunt pokemon, and I don't want her to sing another annoying song! Now take that suit off or else!!!" "...Ok." He turned to the bush where the taco squad hid. "Sorry, not now." His squad groaned, each member walking off in their own banana suit... but were chased by Celestia. He sat with the two ponies. Dinky and her sister munched on their sandwiches, though Deadpool gazed into the abyss as he couldn't sing... nor did anything. Uh... Deadpool? Deadpool? Are you okay? Uh... hold on... let's see here... ah! Derpy and her husband arrived to the two. "There you two are!" Derpy exclaimed "I've been trying to find you two." "They left us a note, darling." Her husband replied, holding said note. "They said they were going to the park." "You can't be too sure, Doc. It's called 'The Mother's touch'. Now come along you two! Dinky, you still have your interview assignment, and Amethyst... find a house, okay?" "Yes, mom." Amethyst groaned. Dinky approached to Deadpool. "Mister? Can I have than interview?" This got Deadpool to snap out of it. "Ooh! Yes! I'm open for that interview!!! No problem!" "So you're pretty popular around here, is that correct?" "Absolutely, I'm the boss. "Well, so take us through a normal day in the life of, "The Boss". " "Well the first thing I do is..." ♫Talk to corporate!" (like a boss) Approve memos (like a boss) Lead a workshop (like a boss) Remember birthdays (like a boss) Direct work-flow (like a boss) My own bathroom (like a boss) Micro-manage (like a boss) Promote synergy (like a boss) Hit on Deborah (like a boss) Get rejected (like a boss) Swallow sadness (like a boss) Send some faxes (like a boss) Call a sex line (like a boss) Cry deeply (like a boss) Demand a refund (like a boss) Eat a bagel (like a boss) Harassment Lawsuit (like a boss) No Promotion (like a boss) 5th of vodka (like a boss) S**t on Deborah's desk (like a boss) Buy a gun (like a boss) In my mouth (like a boss) ♫ Oh f**k man, I can't f*****g do it, s**t! ♫Pussy out (like a boss) Puke on Deborah's desk (like a boss) Jump out the windows (like a boss) Suck a dude's d**k (like a boss) Score some coke (like a boss) Crash my car (like a boss) Suck my own d**k (like a boss) Eat some chicken strips (like a boss) Chop my balls off (like a boss) Black out in the sewer (like a boss) Meet a giant fish (like a boss) F**k his brains out (like a boss) Turn into a jet (like a boss) Bomb the Russians (like a boss) Crash into the Sun (like a boss) Now I'm dead (like a boss) ♫ "Uh huh. So that's an... average day for you then?" Dinky asked, shocked. "No doubt." "You chopped your balls off and die?" "Hell yeah." "And I think at one point there you said something about sucking..." "Nope." "Actually, I'm pretty sure you did." "Nah, that ain't me." "OK, well this has been VERY eye-opening for me." "I'm the boss." "Ya, I know, I got that. You said it about 400 times. " "I'm the boss." "Ya, ya, I got it". "I'm the boss." "No, I heard you, see you later!" She ran away, back to her family "Like a boss" Author's Note
NNNEEERRRDDD!!! Pony # 175: Quibble PantsDeadpool squeed around him. Some ponies became big fans of Deadpool, and to show their affection, they made Dead-Con, a comic con-ish convention where everything is Deadpool themed. Many ponies walked around cosplaying as the Merc with the mouth, some looking like legit ponified Deadpools, others with costumes that look worse than- "We're not going back there, MrAquino!" He yelled. Awe~! Look! Even some of the fiwwies are dwessing up as us! Indeed. Now, proceed with the describing of the convention, please? Of course, Stuffy. All around Deadpool, there were different stores open, each different from the others. One sold different statues, each in different poses, next to that was one that sold plushies, and next to that one sold different posters & artwork of Deadpool. The one that got his attention, however, was- "BODY PILLOWS!!!" He yelled, running and holding a pillow of himself, snuggling with it. "Mmm... so comfy! I swear, if Mooncheeks and I break up, I'm going to get one of these pillows and, just like Justin Beiber, love myself." Ew. Wait... if you have sex with yourself... is it gay or a different version of mast-? "Wow! Great costume." Another voice spoke. "AHH!!! RAT!!!" Deadpool screamed, jumping and holding onto the roof of the stall. "Rat? Where!?" Deadpool looked down to see a slightly pudgy, tan, earth pony stallion with a Daring Do colored mane & style. "Oh! Nevermind, you just sound like a rat." "...Uh... how, exactly?" He landed near the stallion. "You're voiced by Patton Oswalt. He voices you and Remmy from Ratatouille." "...Okay... well, you seem well in character, good sir." "In character!?" "Yeah! You got Deadpool's costume right in everyway! Name's Quibble Pants. What's your name?" "...I AM DEADPOOL!!! MERC WITH THE MOUTH!!! THE REGENERATING DEGENERATE!!! THE-" "Yeah, yeah, it's good that you're in character, but it seems other ponies are doing it as well." "I'm not acting as Deadpool. I AM Deadpool." "Pfft! Yeah, and I'm Daring Do." "Ahem! Do I look like a pony!?" "No, of course not. ...You're probably a Minotaur. I've never meet a Minotaur, before!" Deadpool face palmed himself. "I do not have horns." "I know... it's fine, not every bull gets horns as fast." "What the-!? Ohh! You're making me angry!" "Hey, it's okay to be under performing from your family tree." "I am the real Deadpool!" "Do you have proof?" Deadpool took off his mask. "How's this!?" "...Hm... nice use of cornflakes, man! That really does look like you're ugly." "Why you little-!" He pulled out his phone and showed his selfies. "Bam! My selfies with everypony!" "Ooh! How'd you get his cellphone! Did you get his cellphone after he tossed it away, never doing selfies again?" "I still take selfies!!!" "You found a way to use his phone?" "... Know what? I think we should o something that the real Deadpool knows how to do: Sing! ... And not the Cheap looking Zootopia film with twerking bunnies." "...What?" "Hit it!" Quibble Pants stood on a podium, wearing a nurse outfit, and below, Deadpool was surrounded by the other cosplayers "May I have your attention please?" Quibble Pants asked as music began to play. "May I have your attention please? Will the real Wade Wilson please stand up? I repeat will the real Wade Wilson please stand up?We're going to have a problem here." ♫Y'all act like you never seen a Canadian before Jaws all on the floor like Lee and Kirby just burst in the door Started whoopin' your ass worse than before, they first just beat yours Throwing you over furniture It's the return of the "Oh wait, no way, your kidding, He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?" And Slade Wilson said Nothing you idiots Slade Wilson's dead, he's locked in my basement (ha ha) Pegasis' women love Aquino, chicka chicka chicka "Wade Wilson I'm sick of him Look at him, walking around grabbing his you know what Flippin' the you know who" "yeah, but he's funny though" Yeah I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose But no worse than what's going on in your parent's bedrooms Sometimes I want to get on TV and just let loose, but can't, But it's cool for Wolvie to hump a dead moose My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips And if I'm lucky you might just give it a little kiss And that's the message that we deliver to little kids And expect them not to know what the Killing Joke is. Of course they gonna know what insanity is by the time they hit 4th grade, They got the all cartoon channels, don't they? We ain't nothing but mammals, Well some of us cannibals, who cut other people open like cantaloupes. But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope But if you feel like I feel I got the antidote. Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes♫ ♫I'm Wade Wilson, yes I'm the real Deadpool All you other Wade Wilsons are just imitating So won't the real Wade Wilson, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 'Cause I'm Wade Wilson, yes I'm the real Deadpool All you other Wade Wilsons are just imitating So won't the real Wade Wilson, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up♫ ♫Batman don't gotta kill in his films to sell tickets Well I do, so f**k him and f**k you too. You think I give a damn about a Grammy? Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me. "But Wade what if you win wouldn't it be weird?" Why? So you guys can just lie to get me here? So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears. S**t, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first. Little b***h put me on blast on M-T-V "Yeah he's cute but I think he's married to Kim, he he" I should download her audio on mp3 And show the whole world how you gave Aquino V.D. I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups all you do is annoy me So I've been sent here to destroy you And there's a million of us just like me Who cuss like me, who just don't give a f**k like me, who dress like me Walk, talk and act like me, it just might be the next best thing, But not quite me♫ ♫'Cause I'm Wade Wilson, yes I'm the real Deadpool All you other Wade Wilsons are just imitating So won't the real Wade Wilson, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 'Cause I'm Wade Wilson, yes I'm the real Deadpool All you other Wade Wilsons are just imitating So won't the real Wade Wilson, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up♫ ♫I'm like a head trip to listen to 'Cause I'm only giving you, things you joke about with your friends Inside your living room The only difference is I got the balls to say it in front of y'all And I don't gotta be false or sugar coat it at all I just get on the mic and spit it, and whether you like to admit it (rip) I just s**t it better than 90 percent of you rappers out there Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums, it's funny 'Cause at the rate I'm going when I'm thirty I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting. Pinching nurses asses when I'm jackin' off with Jergens And I'm jerking, but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working And every single person is a Wade Wilson lurkin' he could be workin' at Burger King Spitten on your onion rings Or in the parking lot circling, Screaming I don't give a f**k with his windows down and system up So will the real Wilson, please stand up And put one of those fingers on each hand up And to be proud to be outta your mind and outta control And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?♫ ♫'Cause I'm Wade Wilson, yes I'm the real Deadpool All you other Wade Wilsons are just imitating So won't the real Wade Wilson, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 'Cause I'm Wade Wilson, yes I'm the real Deadpool All you other Wade Wilsons are just imitating So won't the real Wade Wilson, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 'Cause I'm Wade Wilson, yes I'm the real Deadpool All you other Wade Wilsons are just imitating So won't the real Wade Wilson, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up 'Cause I'm Wade Wilson, yes I'm the real Deadpool All you other Wade Wilsons are just imitating So won't the real Wade Wilson, please stand up, Please stand up, Please stand up♫ "Haha, I guess there's a Wade Wislon in all of us," Deadpool concluded, riding Luna's back. "F**k it, Let's all stand up." As soon as it ended, everyone blinked, wondering what just happened. Quibble pants only concluded with one thing. "...You're really Deadpool." "Yep! And now, I must go and ride my beautiful Luna... both ways." Luna smirked as she put on her own Deadpool mask. "...How do you see through this thing?" "Years of experience, Mooncheeks, just like what you're going to get." "Mmm... kinky." The crowd of cosplayers cringed at the thought of the two getting it on again. "Oh quit your whining! Be glad I'm not making fun of you virgins! Onwards!!!" Luna flapped her wings, breaking through the ceiling, and headed to Cloud 9... both ways. Author's Note Fun fact: My Uncle actually cosplays at Comic Con as his own character, a sky pirate, but not for fun like us, but to get lucky... no, not cosplay contests, but for the ladies. Dirty, I know, but, eh, he's in California and he does strange jobs, so what can I say?
My Baby!!! Changeling #2: Thorax"Friendship lessons can happen anywhere." Starlight concluded. Bot her and Twilight watched as Spike and his new Changeling friend, Thorax, were lifted and cheered by the soldiers and locals... but it ended as soon as they heard a window crashing. Everypony turned to see Deadpool had entered, holding and equipped with various cans of Raid. "And a Copy of the Raid Redemption." He added, throwing the box over his shoulder. "Alright... where's the changeling b*****d?" "Deadpool!" Cadence yelled "Why are you-!?" "THERE HE IS!!!" He ran and grabbed Flurryheart from her crib, holding the can of Raid at the Changeling's face. "BACK OFF!!! YOU'RE NOT GONNA HURT MAH BABY!!!" "Your baby!?" Thorax and Shining Armor asked in unison. "Back off! You're not gonna eat this baby! She's mine! Mine!!!" "...Um... am I missing something?" Thorax asked. Deadpool sprayed him. "AHH!!! MY EYES!!!" "Ooh! It works like pepper spray!" "Deadpool!" Twilight demanded. "What the hay are you-!?" "Changeling test!!!" He sprayed her in the eyes. Twilight fell to the floor, screaming in pain. "Deadpool!" Spike demanded. "Changeling Test!!!" He football kicked Spike, kicking him through the wide door. "Deadpool!" Shining Armor growled "Changeling-!!!" A spear came right through his heart... literally. "...Wow, really? In front of the baby? That's f**ked up, even for me." Cadence took her baby away with her magic. "She's mine, thank you!" "Your welcome... unless..." "There's no other changelings around!" Thorax spoke, rubbing his eyes from the tears. "I'm the only one around." "Oh yeah!? I've seen what your kind can do! And I've played plenty of G-Mod Prop hunt games!" "G-Mod?" "Garry's Mod. But... ALRIGHT!!!" He pulled out a shotgun. "There's some Changeling b****es around here, and I don't want them around!" "...But I just said-." "And how do we know you're not lying at all!?" "He's my friend." Spike spoke, reentering the room. "Yeah, but friends hide things from each other! Like the time I found out who stole my Virginity... Part of the Christmas special, I believe, but not now! I must go and find the changelings... by shooting everything!" 5 Days Later "No changelings were around." "...Deadpool.... you just stood there for five days." Cadence spoke, rocking Flurry Heart to sleep. "Silence! I will deal with the Changeling myself!" "But he's-" Deadpool disappeared. "...And there he goes." Deadpool landed in the cave where Thorax slept in. The Merc pulled a bullhorn out and woke the napping Changeling, making him scream. "Get up you piece of bug s**t!!!" Deadpool demanded, pulling out his swords. "I'm gonna have some lobster!" Lobster!? Crabs and Lobsters are insects, silly! ...Can't believe I forgot about that. "D-Deadpool!?" Thorax asked in shock "I-I-I don't want any trouble, sir! I-I just wanna learn the magic of friendship!" "Bah! You changelings and your lies! The only way you can be a friend with me is if you were me!" "... You mean like this?" In green flames, Thorax changed into an exact copy of Deadpool. The Merc screamed. "Oh? Is there something wrong? I mean, I can change the voice." He cleared his throat and had the same voice as Deadpool. "Oh hi! I'm Deadpool! Wanna be friends?" "This is not happening! There can only be one Deadpool! The other Deadpools belong in their own universe and continuity!" "Uh... is that something I should know?" "Very much, indeed. But I doubt you have a healing factor... do changeling have healing factors?" "... It took me a week to get back up after being blown away from the Canterlot wedding." "... Nope!" He tossed one of his swords to Thorax. "Now... there can only be one Merc with the mouth!" "What!? I-I'm not taking your spot!" "That's what ANY changeling will say! But you're dealing with not The Deadpool, you're Dealing with THE Deadpool that has many requests for a crossover in the near future, and including, what I'm hoping will happen, Geralt of Rivia from the Witcher series!" "...Who?" Deadpool was now in black armor with a long, white wig on his head. "Me, b***h." He growled. "Now... die." "What!?" ~~Deadpool~~ Geralt took out his sword and circled the Changeling, ready for his ~~victim's~~ enemy's attacks. The changeling readied his weapon, but was shivering in fear, unsure how to fight with a sword. Our hero swung first, clashing with Thorax's sword. Thorax whimpered as he began to block the various blows thrown at him. "You're pretty good," ~~Deadpool~~ Geralt spoke to Thorax as they were in a struggle. "But not good enough." "Please, sir!" Thorax begged "I just want to be friends with everyone!" "That's the same thing any spy would say!" He kicked the changeling away and charged at it, ready to deliver the final blow. Thorax squeaked and, in green fire, turned back into his self and flapped his wings. "You're insane! I just want to know the true meaning of Friendship!" "Yeah, and I-" A boulder fell on his head... and finally, I can go back to just calling him Deadpool. Deadpool awoke to see that he was in the Crystal Empire Hospital (as foretold by the beeping and how everything looks white.) We didn't kill the Changeling, did we? That Changeling wanted to be a friend. "That changeling wanted to be a friend!?" Deadpool Demanded. Seriously? You're an idiot, you know that? "Well excu~se me! I'm not the guys voting for either Hilary or Trump! I'm Canadian, so I'm not going to suffer from your choices! Have fun with either a Feminazi or a racist Oompa Loompa!" He teleported away before Cadence entered with a frying pan labeled 'Deadpool's punishment'. Deadpool picked up Thorax. "What the-!?" He yelled "Thorax! You wish to learn the adventures of friendship!?" "...uh... I did... up until you attacked me... with that music and... weird, gruff voice." "Well that Boulder made me reevaluate my goals and I want to help you!" "...Really?" "No, but this should be fun! Thorax, you're going to learn the six elements of Friendship, the Deadpool way!" "Uh... and how is that going to work, sir?" He grabbed Thorax. "Like this!" He teleported the two out of Thorax's cave and outside. Then, Deadpool ran north, holding the Changeling above his head. "FRIENDSHIP!!! AWAY!!!" "I'M NOT ENJOYING THIS!!!" Author's Note Stay tuned for the 6 parter as Deadpool teaches Thorax all of the elements of Harmony in his way. Phil Collins would be proud. (Tarzan Joke)
Kindness. Griffons #2 & 3: Gabby and Grandpa GruffDeadpool and Thorax arrived at the gates of the Griffon kingdom, both wearing Mongolian outfits. Herro Mongorians. That's enough South Park for you. "There's never such a thing as too much South Park!" Deadpool spoke. "Uh... who are you talking to?" Thorax asked "No one in particular, my buggy friend." "o...k. And why are we here?" "Your first lesson is Kindness!" "... Couldn't we do that back home? Aren't Griffons greedy creatures with an anger problem?" Deadpool slapped him in the back of the head. "OW!!!" "Oh, excuse me! Are all changelings nothing more but love sucking drones with no free will and wish to ensalve and, thanks to many head canons, metamorphosize their victims into more changelings?" "... Ok, I deserve that." "Damn straight! F**king racist, Donald Trump supporter." He lead the way. "And I find it that the best way to learn something is be in it! Trust me, this is why I'm considered a bit misogynistic... except for the balls... the balls never work.... Oh! I think I found our first customers! Vamanos!" In a lone, worn down house, a young, blue-grey griffon with the head of a hawk helped out an elderly, gray griffon that wore a fez, and a scar over his messed up eye. The young one, with the last whack of a hammer, set up a new wallpaper that had the faces of the past kings. "All done, Grandpa Gruff," she spoke with enthusiasm. "with this wallpaper up, you won't see the sunlight." Deadpool slightly ripped off the other side of the wallpaper and stuck his head in, replacing one of the kings with his own face. "Are you sure about that?" He asked "Gah!!! Monster!" The old Griffon yelled, jumping and clawing at Deadpool's face. Deadpool stayed there, blank as his face bleed wildly. "...Ow." He stuck his head back and reattached the face back in place. Then, he teleported in with Thorax in his arms. "At last! I have arrived to Griffinstone! And it's all thanks to Dank memes!" "...What?" Everyone asked. Deadpool flipped a waterbottle in the air, in which it landed right on the head of the young griffon, bottom up. He followed by dropping Thorax and did the dab, and, following the annoying and idiotic vines around dank memes, the volume went near deaf volumes with the bass shaking everything and a close in on a paused Deadpool in rainbow colors and various other memes that no one talks about in real life, with the exception being the news and MLG news. However, this happened in his head, and everyone just stared awkwardly at the paused Deadpool. "... Are you a changeling?" The young Griffon asked "Uh... yeah, I am. Name's Thorax." "Gabby." "Deadpool." Deadpool stated. "I'm Gay." A random stallion added. "I'm a lesbian." a mare added. "I'm actually pansexual." A minotaur added "I'm Transgender." A griffon added I'M A LEMON!!! ENOUGH WITH THESE GOD DAMN DANK MEMES!!! "GET THE F**K OUTTA MY ROOM; I'M PLAYING MINECRAFT!!!" Deadpool yelled, throwing an x-box 360 controller down to the floor... followed by an unnecessary- Ignore Patrick. The house was destroyed with everyone covered in black smoke from said explosion. "...Ow." Thorax simply spoke. Deadpool shook himself off. "Whoo! That was awesome! Let's have another Dank Meme compilation! Emisoccer or Wolfy?" "No... not again!" Gabby spoke. She was lifted by the Merc. "Aww~! I almost forgot; the newest cutie mark crusader and first griffin member, Gabby!" "...You know me?" "The whole Brony community knows you! And you must be Grandpa Gruff, or, as we, the fans, speculate, King Gudo!!!" "What the heck are you blabbering about!?" The old griffin hacked. "Fan art! Fanfictions! Fan Theories! They all point to you as a king as MattPatt points how Mario's more of a psychopath than me!" "... I'm outta here." He left the scene, grumbling to himself. "Wait! Come back!!! Aw man, this is almost as bad as how I shot Harambe." WHAT!?!?!? Ok... seems like the cat's out of the bag... yeah... Deadpool shot a gorilla, believing he was reenacting a scene from Rise of the planet of the apes. I have no idea how, but, it's Deadpool... he's an idiot. But, back to the fic... A badly bruised Deadpool stood with Thorax and Gabby. "Wait... are you Deadpool!?" Gabby asked in excitement. "The one and only!" Deadpool boasted. "The Merc with the Mouth at your service!" Gabby tackled and hugged him tightly. "OH MY GOODNESS!!! I finally meet Deadpool! I've heard so much about you! I'm basically you're biggest fan!" "Heh, better than my other biggest fans." HEY!!! "But what about me?" Thorax asked "What's this lesson about?" "Ah! See, Thorax," Deadpool explained "this is Kindness. As you can see, just by me being hugged by Gabby is a sign of kindness; gentle, yet firm, like every man's second brain." "Humans have a second brain?" Gabby asked. "It's an expression. And watch as how I'm kind with her, Thorax." He hugged the Griffin, taking the bottom of his mask off, and blew raspberries onto her tummy. Gabby began to laugh wildly at the expression, finding the whole thing ticklish. EWW~!!! There's feathers in out mouth! And Fur. Deadpool spat out the mix of fur and feathers in his mouth, putting his mask back on. "See?" He asked "Kindness." "... So I should do what you do on everypony else?" The changeling asked. "Uh... no. Just don't a d**k with anybody... or a f**kboi... never go full f**kboi... and don't vape and say you're a vegan, feminist, or a supporter of any political party or religion. Trust me, you don't want the internet to go against you, especially the PC people on PC that follow PC on her PC." "...Noted... what do we do now?" "To the next lesson, of course! Onwards! We're going to have some fun!" "Ooh! Can I join?" Gabby asked. "But of course! The more, the merrier! Just make your OC." "...OC?" Thorax and Gabby asked in unison. Deadpool put on an a hoodie that was very similar to those from the Assassins creed games... minus the glitch faces. "Join me, Pool-o-Dead, in the only true nerdy thing I can get behind." Author's Note DND special next. Gotta play some Borderlands to get the feeling well.
Laughter: DND SpecialDeadpool, Thorax, and Gabby all sat down at the table with Big Mac, Spike, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Discord. Thorax looked confused about the whole game, unsure what they're supposed to do. “Welcome to another game of Ogres and Obulets.” Spike introduced them. “It seems that today, we have three new party members. Please, introduce us who you are and what class you'll be.” “I am Randicus!” Deadpool introduced himself. “The assassin who seeks gold and a worthy challenge.” “Ooh! I'm Angela… the healer.” Gabby introduced her character. “I make sure there's good in the world!” “... Uh… how do you do this?” Thorax asked. Everyone but Spike groaned. “You make your own character and choose the main class you'll be. You'll get the hang of it soon enough.” “Uhh… I'm guessing… it's… Disguisey… and…. I'm a… Shape Shifter?” “There’s no shape shifter class in ogres and oubliettes!” Discord snapped. “... Then a mage?” “Perfect!” Spike exclaimed. “And now, we shall begin the game. The Scenario: We’re all near the Squizard’s castle, ready to take down our foe… ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The group of warriors stood over a mountain side, seeing the castle of the Squizard that took over their home land. There was Garbuncle, a small dragon that wore a green cloak & hat and was a powerful wizard himself; Sir McBiggen, the unicorn stallion that was the most honorable warrior and fine blacksmith; Captain Wuzz, the archer from a land far off with his host of strange, mixed match creatures; Sing-A-Long, the bard that joined them to be a great distraction to enemies and to sing songs for everyone about heroes; and finally, Rogue Spectre, a thief that joined them for not honor or to save the world, but for the gold that laid inside the Squizard’s throne. Appearing next to them was the assassin, Randicus, noticeable by the dark red robes he wore, and the eerie mask he wore to protect his identity. “What is the news, Randicus?” Garbuncle asked. “The Squizard is well protected, almighty Garbuncle.” Randicus answered “It will be near impossible for us to enter heads on.” “But what about sneaking around?” Rogue Spectre asked “Surely, there’s a way around.” “Aye. Angela and Disguisey are there, waiting for us as we speak. They’re hiding, though Disguisey is… well… disguised as them.” He took out a knife. “Shall we take them out quietly?” “But of course. Though, I think we should make it easier.” Garbuncle suggested. “Ooh! I think I know just the thing!” Sing-A-Long bounced. “And I shall assist her.” Randicus added “But Randicus-.” Sir Mc Biggen spoke. “The wizard needs more protection than us. Besides, you’d make a terrible singer.” He grabbed onto Sing-A-Long and, tapping into his dark magic, teleported the two to the near gates. The rest of the group followed Garbuncle, shrouding them in a spell of invisibility. The outside gates was surrounded by a majority of the Squizard’s undead army. Many of them were skeletons, but a couple were still rotting corpses. Both Randicus and Sing-A-Long entered near the front gates. “Oi! Squizard!” Randicus yelled. Out of the window, the Squizard, a squid with a cap, pointy hat, and wielded two wands, looked out of from his window. “RANDICUS!?!?!?” He yelled in pure anger. “MEN!!! DESTROY THEM!!!” The undead army lurched their way to them. “Wait!” Sing-A-Long yelled “We wanted to give you a song!” The army stopped. “...A song?” “Yep! A song made, specially for you!” “Hm… I haven’t heard of one in a while. What’s it about?” “How you’re a big fat b***h!” Randicus yelled as Sing-A-Long strummed her sitar. “♫WEEEEELLLLL-♫” “Don’t say it!” “♫...WEEEEELLLLL-♫” “Don’t do it, Randicus!” “♫...WEEEEELLLLL-♫” “I’m warning you!” “Ok, ok.” He turned and left. “Sheesh, glad I didn’t get annoyed by-” “♫WEEELL The squizard’s s a b***h, he's a big fat b***h, he's the biggest b***h in the whole wide world, he's a stupid b***h if there ever was a b***h, she's a b***h to all the boys and girls!♫” “SHUT YOUR F*****G MOUTH, RANDICUS!!!” “♫On Monday he's a b***h, on Tuesday he's a B***h, on Wensday though Saturday he's a b***h, then on Sunday just to be different she's a super King Kamehameha b****otch!♫ Come on, you know all the words!” The undead army joined “♫Have you ever met the Squid Wizard? He's the biggest b***h in the whole wide world he's a mean old b***h and she has stupid hair she's a b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h he's a stupid b***h! The Squizard’s a b***hand he's just a dirty b***h!♫ Talk to kids around the world and it might go a little bit somethin' like this!” Some Qilin joined in, followed by some ponies from France, Zwart Piet’s, and ended with some Zebras. “♫Have you ever met the Squid Wizard he's the biggest b***h in the whole wide world he's a mean old b***h and he has stupid hair, he's a b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h.” The crowd gasped as the Squizard was behind him. “b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h b***h, he's a stupid b***h♫” “Uhh, Randy?” Sing-A-Long spoke “♫The Squizard’s a b***h and he's just a dirty b***h! I really mean it, the Squizard… he's a big fat f***ing b***h! A big ol' fat f***in' b***h, right now . . . . cheaa!♫” He paused as everyone stared. “What?” He turned around to be face to face with the Squizard. “...Aw f**k.” The group made it to their two other allies. Disguisey uncovered himself with his magic as he stood near the side entrance, followed by Angela, who was above. Disguisey wore a light version of Garbuncle’s costume, but was armed with a dagger, and Angela wore a simple dress, but had bottles of various herbs and other such small creatures. “About time you got here.” Disguisey spoke “Any longer, and we may have left to find you. … Where’s Randicus and Sing-A-Long?” “Distracting them.” Captain Wuzz answered. “Which way to the Squizard’s throne room?” “Follow me.” Disguisey casted his disguise spell, looking like a skeleton himself. “And what about us!?” Mc Biggen asked “Unlike you, big guy,” Rogue spectre spoke “I know my way to hide from plain sight.” “Don’t push it, Rogue Spectre!” “I know just the thing!” Captain Wuzz spoke, pulling out some handcuffs. “And sorry, but this will work.” He placed the cuffs around Angela and Mc Biggen. “Aw… and I wanted to fly ahead.” Angela whined. “You’d be detected early.” Garbuncle spoke, casting a spell to make himself invisible again. “I won’t be far behind. And what will you do, Captain Wuzz?” “What I always do, sir.” Wuzz answered, snapping his claw and shrinking himself. “I’ll be close.” “Ooh! He’s so small!” Angela spoke. “We know,” Disguisy spoke. “But look sad; if the Squizard knows about this, we may be in those cuffs as well.” They walked inside. Rogue Spectre, as she stated, kept her place in the shadows, hopping above the chandeliers and staying still to avoid any notices from the guards. Captain Wuzz kept to the side of the walls, and readied himself with catnip, in case the Squizard’s various cats thought that he was a mouse. Garbuncle himself followed behind the others. They made their way to the Squizard’s throne room, seeing Randicus and the Squid himself fighting! Randicus’ blade was crossed with the Squizard’s wands. They stopped as they saw the group enter. “GET HIM!!!” The Squizard yelled. “Oh no you won't!” Randicus replied, pulling out two balls and throwing them to the floor. Out from one ball was a skinny looking barbarian and the other was a wise looking Samurai warrior. “Crazco! Stuffington! Defend me!” The group revealed themselves. “... Oh, never mind.” “THAT'S IT!!!” The Squizard blasted Randicus to the group. He casted a spell and copied himself. “I'll give you one chance: join me, or perish!” “Never to the likes of you!” Garbuncle yelled. “Then meet our master, old friend.” All the Squizard’s clones charged… only to be squished by the roof. Entering was Lunar, the Valcary. “...That was easy.” “Luna!!!” Deadpool whined “We were having so much fun!” “Sorry,” Luna replied. “But I rolled the 20,fair and square.” “She's right.” Spike added, reading the book. “And with the Squizard defeated, our heroes take whatever they want with-” “Dat ass!” Deadpool yelled, rolling the die. It landed on a 14. “Did I get it!?” “... You do, but you now have Aids.” “Pfft! Big deal! I've always enjoyed that candy. And speaking of Candy! Nightmare Night is almost here, so you know what that means: Post all of your creepy Fics to MrAquino and we will tell them around a spooky campfire!” “Uh… Deadpool?” Thorax asked “What is this lesson about, anyways?” “Fun! Or Laughter! Next is a 2 for 1 lesson with Generosity and Honesty!” “... Ok… Can we play again? Perhaps with more action than… what Luna did.” “I’m vastly sorry for that,” Luna spoke “But the roll was done.” “Let’s go again!” Deadpool added, sitting down and back with the game, Rolling the die. “Come on! Papa’s gonna need a new pair of shoes!” Author's Note Please, submit your creepy Nightmare Night/ Halloween fics to me! I have one that will surely scare the living daylights out of you all!!! ... Or the peeps in this fic.
Tales of the Macabre Author's Note Happy Nightmare Night. Here are the costumes I thought of: Deadpool as Powdered Toast Man Twilight as Ratchet Spike as Clank Rarity as A business pony Applejack as Paul Bunyan Pinkie Pie as a piece of Candy Rainbow Dash as JOHN CENA!!! Fluttershy as a Cat. Cadence as a Nurse Shining Armor as Alphonse elric And Bob as himself And if you're interested, I'm myself from the Fallout Universe, complete with a pipboy. Enjoy what I was able to pull out! Tales of the Macabre One Chilled Hallow's Eve I rose and sat down to writing For non have bothered to propose to the party, my invitings. So I crafted a macabre tale. There, in my darkened room, To achieve literary justice, and send each to their DOOM!!! We start with the most expendable. Greeting, Ms. Applejack For this worker, a stew of applesauce to slowly hack! Ah'm gonna get ya back soon, Mister Voice! One daaaaaaa....! What's this? Princess of Love, Cadence? Considering a new man? Cadence!? Have you seen Flurry Heat's diapers? I left right next to your toothbrush. Crystal Crystal, on the ball. I need myself a new husband ya'll! But the gypsy forces she envoked decided they would play a joke! AAAAAAAHHHHHOOOOOO!!!! Hey there, my love horse! This suit isn't going to clean itself! NEW!!! Oh, what's that say? NOO!!! And now we join a mare of- Hey! What about my doom!? Uh... you're already Bob. No sense in beating a dead horse. Oh, good point. And now we join a mare obsessed with dresses and decorations, And fanciness with perfection. And now, to add some of this glowing thread to my house. But you all know how these things go with unnatural magic. A puff of smoke, a greenish glow, voila! Abomination attack! What the-!? This was suppose to reduce my overhead! Not turn into my head! *NOM!!!* These two Libmans need to say bye. Let's eliminate a certain trait's shy! ... Oh! I can talk normal! WAZZUP!!! WAZZUP!!! Uh... then she exploded and killed Pinkie from a ton of gas... yeah. Cop out! Rainbow Dash, fast as the wind, But how fast can she fly if her limbs can't bend! What the-!? Huh... this isn't so bad. This kinda gives me the good vibes, surprisingly. Well I'll revise then, if you please. What if each leg had several knees? Hey! This is even better! Feels like I'm walking through pudding... and I love pudding! Mr. Voice, what you're doing isn't even scary... or original. Ooh! Now there's an idea! A crafy fad, once loved by all. I'll hang you on a 70's basement wall! AHH!!! MACRAME!!! MY SECOND WORST NIGHTMARE!!! But Dash? Daring Do does it all the time in the later books. I KNOW!!! IT SLOWS EVERYTHING DOWN AND IT'S SLOW!!! Get outta my house, you Patton Oswalt sounding horse! Nightmare Night is very handy For those with appetites for candy Except for Greedy Trick or Treaters Such as a Twilight and Spike-ier. But I'm too old for Trick or teating. I'm not! All night long, they gathered their sweets And passed upon the growing heat. When struck the midnight hour, 'Twas not just Candy Twilie devoured *Cough*! *Cough!* Spike?... NOOO!!! That's not Macabre! In your fetish world, she eats Spike everyday! How else does she give him baths without raising the bill? Oh fine! Well I saved the most macabre for last I'd like to see you get Maca-Bre on meh! Deadpool, as he always does, loves to check new stuff from his fans. But what all the chicks he'd love were now a man! AHH!!! THE GAYNESS!!! I can't look at anywoman the same! Now all have meet their grizzly fate, each horrors for you to see For chance that next time, they think twice, before not inviting me! "Well, that was awful." Deadpool spoke, walking in to the castle. He paused. "What? Jojo's Bizarre Adventure to be continued? Why are you-?" A changeling Chloroformed him.
Season Finale SpoilersAuthor's Note Season Finale Spoilers Deadpool popped out of his cocoon, gasping for breath. "WHAT THE F**K JUST HAPPENED!?!?!?" He yelled, looking everywhere. "AHH!!! Changelings!!!" He reached for his gun to bust a cap... but he didn't have his weapons. "Oh s**t! Fine, time to do it the old way!" He put on a gentleman's mustache and prepared his fists like a 30's boxer. "Put 'em up! Put 'em up, eh!" "Deadpool." Luna spoke "Mooncheeks!... Wait... what's our favorite sex postion?" "...Are you serious?" "You better not be a changeling!" "... Ugh... the Triceratops." "... Good enough. Mooncheeks!" He grabbed her... followed by grabbing her tail and cocking her like a shotgun. "Let's kill them all!" "Wait!" Starlight yelled "Don't! They're good now!" "Good!?" He looked around, seeing the changelings weren't their black and blue eyed selves, but they were, for a lack of better words, colorful. Every single changeling was now a different shade of color with beetle-like backs to protect their used-to-be exposed wings, though they had wing like tails now. EWW!!! BUGS!!! KILL THEM ALL!!! As much as I would agree to that idea, they're not showing hostility towards us like the old changelings. In fact, just look at that one! Deadpool turned to the tallest one; It was about as tall as Luna, easily standing over the other changelings, and popping out of it's head was not just a normal sized, but two antlers, giving it a bit of an elk-like appearence. "DAMN!" Deadpool spoke, appearing next to the tall Changeling "Where have you been!? Did you abduct me!? If so, all's forgiven." "Uh... Deadpool... it's me, Thorax." The Deer-Changeling spoke in a somewhat deeper tone of Thorax. Deadpool stared. "... Ewe!!! You molted for this!?" "Um... no... I shared my love to Chrysalis and I-" "Chrysalis!? Where is she!?" "She escaped," Starlight spoke "I offered her my friendship, but she-" Deadpool teleported away and everyone watched as he ran to the Changeling queen. "GET YOUR BUG ASS BACK OVER HERE!!!" "... Uh oh!" Pinkie spoke "Tatsurou's not gonna be happy with this." She ripped apart a hard copy of a different story. Chrysalis flapped her wings to escape, but saw Deadpool chasing after her. "Ugh! Not him!" She growled, flying faster. However, she forgot that he could teleport, and felt him on her back, 'seductively' rubbing his right index finger over her lip. "Shh... Daddy's here." "GAHH!!!" She bucked him off, followed by a hiss. "It's bad enough that the traitor Thorax took most of my hive with him, but you... you're something else!" "Of course! I'm a guy! And you're a bug horse!" "YOU'RE A NUISANCE!!!" "And your voice changed for some reason. Care to explain what happened? You started a weird, vibrating voice that made your voice buzzed, fitting as your kind acted like bees, but what happened? Why's it... normal? I always thought the Season 5 finale was because it was in a different universe, and trust me, I know my different universes, but you have that today. What's going on?" She hissed at him, blasting a green bolt at him. He appeared next to her. "Seriously. What happened?" "Leave me alone!" She flew into the sky. Deadpool shrugged. "Alright, if you wanna be like that." He pulled out a rocket launcher, which had Fluffle Puff as the missile. "Ready?" "Ptthp!" The fluffy pony answered "Aim... FIRE!!!" BOOM!!! Fluffle Puff was blasted into the air, going about as fast as Dr. Robotnick, according to Game theory, and hit Chrysalis with the baseball sound from Super Smash Bros.. With that, Chrysalis disappeared into her fur and was seemingly gone. And in Fluffle Puff's fur is the Ask Fluffle Puff series on Tumblr! And we're not going acknowledge your imaginary genders. "I'M SEXUALLY LABELED AS A TOASTER!!!" Deadpool yelled with the Triggered Meme. This was ended as Fluffle Puff landed on him. "...Ptthp." She simply spoke before floating away. "...You're right!" Deadpool jumped back up. "Time to talk to his Majesty, King Thorax!!!" Thorax and the Changelings began to rebuild the hive. It was going to be operational like it was before, but it was going to look lees threatening and more inviting to others. Deadpool appeared next to Thorax, startling the new king. He took his mask off, grabbed Thorax, and made out with the Changeling King. Thorax panicked a bit, unsure as to what's going on, as the rest of the changelings stared in awkwardness, though one added his two bits. Deadpool stopped making out and shushed him. "There you go... my good luck to you on rebuilding your kingdom... I hope to see that you have your episode in Season 7." And like that, he disappeared, leaving only a note that had his phone number and 'Call me' below it. The Merc with the mouth began to move away from the Changeling Kingdom. Gee, Wade. What are we going to do? "The same thing we do every chapter, Crazy. Meet new ponies!" ♫They're Deadpool and the Wade. Yes Deadpool and the Wade. One is a genius, and also insane! They're once laboratory mice. His genes have been spliced. They're Deadpool, they're Deadpool and the Wade Wade Wade Wade Wade Wade Wade Wade Wade.♫ "Hit it, Crazy!" ♫Before this fic is done! His plan will unfurl. By the dawning of the sun, his fans will have the world! They're Deadpool and the Wade, Yes Deadpool and the Wade. His fandom campaign is easy to explain. To rule his random worth, it'll overthrow the earth! They're Deadpool, They're Deadpool and the Wade Wade Wade Wade Wade Wade Wade Wade♫ "CHIMIGHANGA!!!"
The Shipping is Real. 176 and 177: Vapor Trail and Sky Stinger"Come on Sky, you can do it!" A light green-white pegasus mare with an even lighter blue, green, and yellow mane cheered. Above her dark blue pegasus stallion with a green mane that had a near white stripe in it. Of course, both were in Wonderbolts outfits, and both were training in the next show. It was a long day for the two, and the stallion landed, mimicking Spitfire's landing. Some clapping came next to the mare. She turned and jumped as Deadpool was sitting next to her. "Whoo! Superhero Landing!" He cheered. "And yes, that clip has my audio. You're welcome, folks at home." "...Uh... hi." The mare spoke. Quickly, Deadpool picked her up. "Oh, iz zis ze young Vapor Trail?" "...Uhhh-" Deadpool pulled out a vape pen and vaped... though he when he exhaled, he coughed in a near choking way. "Ah S**t!!! What the f**k are in these things!? Ass!? P***!? The tears of all those Somalian children becoming pirates!?" He threw the device over the edge. "Yeah, so long you piece of s**t! Seems like becoming a f**kboi isn't going to become a part of my various addictions". Booty ~ Definitely! Cocaine ~ In Between chapters Mario Bros. ~ Plays like the last game. 8/10 Call of Booty. ~ Plays like the last game. 2/10. ~~Overwatch~~ ~~F**kboi~~ "Oh yeah! I'm not into that, people. It's pretty overrated." "Is that... Deadpool!?" The Stallion asked. "Sky Stinger! Holy s**t! Sky Stinger and Vapor Trail! Both together in front of me!" "...what?" He grabbed both by the back of their heads. "Now Kiss!" Both Sky Stinger and Vapor Trail were taken off guard as what he was doing and held their heads back. "Come on! You both want to!" "No... we... don't." Vapor spoke "We're... just... friends." "... I wouldn't mind." Sky blurted. "What!?" Her guard was down and she fell onto Sky Stinger. Deadpool pulled out his phone and recorded it. "Come on! All the Bronies are gonna love it!" He spoke, hoping for the kiss. "You want to kiss me!?" "Ever since we were little." Sky answered. Deadpool leaned in. "That's it... closer now... perk the lips, and go the blow!" "... I need some time." Vapor flapped her wings and flew away. "No! Wait! Come back!" Sky Stinger spoke, but sighed. Friendzoned!!! A fate Worse than death... to you guys, at least. Deadpool leaned in to Sky's side. "So... you want to impress a fine lady as her?" He asked "Leave me alone." Sky spoke, standing up and walking away. "I blew it. She probably doesn't want me anymore." "Nonsense! You just took a bad step! Lucky for you, I know the many secrets to wooing a lady and making them drop their pants faster than Joe Rohde's ear during the news of how they're going to change the Tower of Terror., and some little tricks for when you get to Cloud 9." "...Cloud 9?" "Yep! You'll both be-" "But that cloud is off limits." Deadpool blinked. "... Different meaning. But the best way to woo a lady is with a love song. Have any songs you'd like to use?" "Uh... well... I have this song in mind." Deadpool leaned in. "Continue." "...We used to do this as foals." "That's a good start." "She always loved doing it." "Ooh, so good!" "And, it involves my sweatshirts and-" Deadpool slapped Sky Stinger across the face. "NO!!! NONONONONO!!! NO SWEATSHIRTS!!!" A Hissing came. "Oh s**t! You brought the demon in!" Popping out of a bottle of bleach was the demon that looked like a more demonic version of Stingy from Lazytown, Jacob Sartorius. Deadpool pulled a broble out and wielded it in one hand while holding the Twitter Logo in the other. "BACK!!! BACK TO THE DEAD VINE FROM WHENCE YOU CAME!!!" "When you sing at night... When you wake up in the morning!" Jacob sang in a voice that made the scratching on a chalkboard sound like Piotr Ilich Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture. Sky Stinger fell to the floor and covered his ears. "Make it stop! Make it stop!" He begged "I'm trying to!" Deadpool yelled as the demon continued to sing it's horrendous song. "Gotta... find... the... A-HA!!!" The living sweatshirt Jacob had crawled it's way back to it's master, in a way that made both The Grudge and The Ring's girls shrieked in fear. Deadpool pulled a flamethrower out. "GO BACK TO HELL, YOU BEAST!!!" He fired away, burning the sweatshirt into ashes. It screamed in pain, shaking the world, and it's master stopped, grunting in pain. Deadpool threw the twitter logo at him, followed by pulling out a machine gun. "EAT HILARY CLINTON'S DELETED E-MAILS!!!" He fired away, all of the emails fired like that of a machine gun (which also held her votes to becoming president). It weakened the beast, but it wasn't finished, as was Deadpool. "Now, for my finishing move..." He rushed to Jacob, finishing it by grabbing her in the p***y. "DONALD TRUMP JOKE!!!" The Darla-Lewis look-a-like screamed before exploding into more bleach. It's soul... or whatever you want to call it, flew away... until Deadpool pulled another Vape pen out and caught it. "There, now, to label it correctly." He attached a label that just read 'Bleach'. "And to sell it online!" Sky Stinger shook, unsure what just happened. "... W-what just happened?" "Cancer. And I know a way to make your love life work... without this thing." "O-okay... please... n-nothing like that." "Relax. James Gunn will be proud." Sky Stinger stood near Vapor Trail's house. Deadpool and his Taco Squad hid in a nearby bush. "Are you sure this is going to work?" Sky asked "Trust me," Deadpool spoke. "You can thank the MCU for making this song relevant... especially for the a**holes that made this popular! Just knock and we'll be ready." Sky turned to Vapor's house and sweated a bit. He walked to the door and, though cautiously, knocked. Vapor answered the door. "Sky?" She asked "What are you doing here?" "Let's do it!" Various 'Ooga Chacka's were heard. Sky Stinger pulled the piece of paper out and began to sing. ♫I can't stop this feeling Deep inside of me... Girl, you just don't realize... What you do to me When you hold me, In your arms so tight, You let me know... Everything's alright I'm hooked on a feeling! ♫ Vapor was surprised. She almost danced to the music ♫I'm high on believing, That you're in love with me! Lips as sweet as candy... It's taste is on my mind... Girl, you got me thirsty, For another cup of wine Got a bug for you girl But I don't need no cure I just stay a victim, If I can for sure All the good love When we're all alone Keep it up girl Yeah, you turn me on I'm hooked on a feeling! I'm high on believing That you're in love with me!♫ The Ooga Chackas returned as they leaned their heads to each other. ♫All the good love when we're all alone Keep it up girl Yeah you turn me on I'm hooked on a feeling! I'm high on believing That you're in love with me! I'm hooked on a feeling! And I'm high on believing That you're in love with me! I said I'm hooked on a feeling! And I'm high on believing That you're in love with me! I'm hooked on a feeling!♫ "...Sky?" Vapor spoke, leaning her head in. "Yeah?" Sky asked, also leaning in. "I've always wanted to tell you something." "Yeah?" "...You have something in your teeth." "Oh... right... uh-" "And I love you." "Oh! Uh... yeah... and I love you too. Look, I'm sorry for earlier... I didn't know how to-" "It's okay... how about you and I meet each other on Cloud 9?" "...Isn't that place off limits?" "Since when have you been a by-the-rules stallion?" "... Fair enough." They both flew into the sky. Deadpool looked above with a pair of binoculars, watching as they both entered a cloud, in which it started to bounce. "They're gonna have beautiful babies." He said. "And Now, I shall head to my next chapter! But since we're on the subject of love, give these Russian animators some love in the Author's Notes below! I dance with Nick Valentine, Gordon Freeman (Or Heisenberg), Sans & Papyrus, that Cowboy guy, that silver guy, and brown trench coat guy, along with ponies!" Author's Note
A winter specialDeapool snored away in his house, indicated by the loud noises he made, the pool and waterfall of drool falling out of his mouth, and, of course, his butt in the air, cheeks loosen for anyone to take advantage of. However, his alarm blared. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Deadpool jumped out of bed and fired a handgun, screaming. "MY SKYRIM REMASTERED!!! NOT YOURS!!!" His gun clicked, and falling to the floor was an Average Black Friday shopper wielding a knife in one hand and Skyrim Remastered in the other. Deadpool got up and took the game from his corpse. "That's the 13th one this week!" He grabbed the body and threw it out of the window, where it landed in a grinder and the meat was sold to very sketchy looking restaurants. Wade looked out of the window to see a blanket of snow had taken over Ponyville. Winter is here. No s**t, Sherlock. "And you know what that means?... ANOTHER F**KING HOLIDAY SPECIAL!!!" He stormed out of his room and into his messier house, skipping time to have himself pancakes that would make Pinkie jealous. As he ate, however, another portal opened. Popping his head was- "AHH!!! STRANGER!!!" "Deapool!" The bearded man with a long, red cape and a golden, eye looking necklace spoke "I have come from my dimension to-" Deadpool punched him in the face, knocking him out. Appearing behind the Doctor were three other Deadpools: Ryan Reynald Deadpool from the movie, Nolan North Deadpool from the videogame, and Will Friedle Deadpool from Disney's Ultimate Spiderman. "Aw shit!" Ryan-Pool yelled "Look what you did you cocksucker!" "Fuck you, me!" Nolan-Pool added "Go fuck yourself!... Wait, no... not yet!" "This stinks." Will-Pool spoke. "Hey! You all got to swear!" Deadpool yelled. "Audience! Isn't this some bulls**t!?" "We're not part of the contract!" They all added, holding their contracts for their respected licenses. "Oh f**k you all up the a**hole!" "Hey, I'm not allowed to swear!" Will-Pool spoke "So I have the short end of the stick." "And a hated fanbase." Nolan-Pool replied. "Hey! At least I'm better than Ryan Reynald's Pool from-" "Don't mention that!" Ryan-Pool interupted. "Get your asses in here!" Deadpool spoke, grabbing all three and Strange in. The portal closed. Deadpool crossed his arms "Alright, why are you all here?" The other Pools blinked. "... You all went to sleep, didn't you?" Various murmurs came from them. "Well, if that's the case, I've gotta go and see my Mooncheeks!" "Mooncheeks!?" They all asked "Princess Luna." They all blinked "The princess of the night in this world?" More blinks "From My Little Pony: Friendship is magic." They all stood, scratching their heads. "I masturbate to unicorns." Ryan-Pool spoke. Deadpool face palmed himself. "Well, have you experienced the magic of Friendship?" They shook their heads. "Have you ever wanted to be in a community that's called cancerous but isn't as bad as Minecraft?" Murmurs. "Have you wanted to meet a cast where most of their personalities came from the fans that went to make the 100th episode?" They all nodded. "Alright, I can see that I will have to teach you on how to be Bronies!" He pulled out a Saxophone and played. "HEY!!!" The three added, making Deadpool jump as they all pulled out their own instrument (A drum, a trumpet, and a Cello). He shrugged and joined them. They all ran outside, making everypony pause and watch as four Deadpools ran around. Berry Punch looked at her drink, then to them, and threw the bottle away and pulled out a 40 Oz. ♫We are number one!♫ ♫Now listen closely! Here's a little lesson in Bron-ery! This is going down in history If you wanna be a Fandom Number One You have to chase a certain princess on the run!♫ Princess Luna flew over them, unaware on what's happening. Deadpool pointed at her, to which the other had heart eyes and chased after her. ♫Just follow my moves, and sneak around Be careful not to make a sound♫ One of them stepped on a whoopee cushion, where Pinkie giggled "Shh!No, don't touch that!" Deadpool yelled. During the chorus, they tried various tools to capture Luna ♫We are Number One Hey! We are Number One We are Number One♫ ♫Now look at this net, that I just found When I say go, be ready to throw Go!♫ They threw it on Deadpool and not Luna, who was having herself a salad "Throw it on her, not me! Ugh, let's try something else! ♫Now watch and learn, here's the deal She'll slip and slide on this banana peel!♫ The three other slipped on said banana peels "What are you doing!?" All four pools set up the Nintendo Switch with Skyrim remastered on it, to which Luna took it and played it, totally falling for the easily set trap. All four took her back to Deadpool's house, where they just stared in awe ♫Ba-ba-biddly-ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba We are Number One Hey! Ba-ba-biddly-ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba We are Number One♫ Unfortunately, Dr. Strange woke up and took Luna away. All of the pools chased, but the three other ones were sent back to their dimensions, though Deadpool was fired right out of a canon. ♫Ba-ba-biddly-ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba We are Number One Hey! Ba-ba-biddly-ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba We are Number One Hey! Hey!♫ Celestia sat on her throne, having hot coco instead of tea. She conjured up a pillow seat quickly. Deadpool came crashing through the window, rolling and breaking all of his bones before sitting on the seat perfectly. "...Ow." He simply said. "Well hello to you too, Wade." Celestia spoke, not turning to him. "Trying to kidnap my sister and keeping her as your wife?" "Hey! I'm not ready for that type of thing yet!" He snapped his arms back in place. "And how did you know I was going to land here?" "Eh, just a hunch I had." "... You're no help." He cracked his legs in place. "And I can't believe Benedict Cummberbatch came to me! What an honor!" "...Yes, what an honor." Luna entered the throne, looking rather depressed. Deadpool teleported onto her back. "'Sup, Moony! I'm the cowboy and you're my horse!" Luna's horn glowed as she took him off. "Not now." She said. "I need my quiet time." "I can be quiet!" No you can't. Shut up! "I need my alone time, then." She simply said, walking away. Deadpool blinked. "What's wrong with her?" He asked "She's going back to her emo phase! Now I'm going to have to sing Wake me up with her!" "She wants some attention." Celestia simply spoke, opening The Epic of Gilgamesh. "Ugh, again!?" "It's winter, her favorite time... at least, as a filly." "And then she turned Emo?" "No. I was given the Summer Sunset Celebration." ...Lightbulb! Yes? Not you, you dumba**! "...Say? Is it alright if Luna can have her celebration?" "She already has Nightmare Night." "But that's for her Evil half, Nightmare Moon. I'm talking something like... The Winter... Moonrise... Festive?" Celestia lowered her book and gave Deadpool a skeptic look. She turned back to her book. "Eh, alright. Tomorrow." "...Really?" "Yep." "...Just like that?" "Yep." "... Alright, what's the price?" Celestia lowered her book and smiled. "Dance with me." "...That's it?" "Do you want me to make it worse?" "No! Nonono! That won't be needed. Uh... how are you-?" Celestia's horn glowed and the throne room turned into a Disco dance floor, complete with a bar (With Bob drinking) and some of the guards in suits. Celetia wore a new dress as Deadpool was in his suit. Celestia walked to him with bedroom eyes. "Shall we get, how shall you say, freaky?" Deadpool blinked. "Video! And Pinkie, you're with me!" Pinkie appeared next to her in an orange version of her 80's outfit "Yay! I've always wanted to be Snoopy!" Celestia blinked. "... That's not what I had in mind... but it'll do." "Yes!" The Next Day. Deadpool and Luna skated next to each other as the residents around Canterlot celebrated the newly established Winter Moonrise Festive. "I never knew you could skate." Luna spoke. "I'm full of surprises." Deadpool simply answered "Like when people realized I'm not much of a d**k as they think I am." "...What?" "E, forget about it. The holidays are almost here, and with Santa dead, I'm sure that everyone's gonna be happy that the NSA and Illuminati isn't watching them when they go to sleep. Remember, don't let your kids support a pervert that likes to watch them sleep at night. If there's one thing I hate more than anything, it's Predators, and not the movie type." "I have yet to understand who you're talking to." "And you won't. Let's just Charlie Brown this with me as the title character and Discord as Snoopy." Author's Note More will arrive
Minecraft YouTubers. Pony 178: Petunia Paleo and the Diamond DogsAt Cheerilee's school, closed for the holidays, a sky blue & dark blue maned earth pony filly dug in the playground with only the aid of a plastic shovel and a bucket. Said filly looked a bit like a miniature Pinkie Pie, even with the orange bow in her mane. Of course, her shovel hit something hard. "Ooh! Another fossil!" She squealed. "I bet it's another Ponysaurus! Or a Ponydon! Or a... Deadpool?" The Head of Deadpool was under the sand. "'Sup." He simply said. "...Why are you buried under the sand?" "I don't know. Reasons. Why are you here?" "Oh! I already found many fossils in my backyard, and I wanted to see if I can find more!" "Ooh! That sounds interesting!" He teleported above the sand, but wore boxes around him. "Let's go digging like Minecraft!" "Minecraft?" "The indie game that became the biggest sellout. Perhaps more than FNAF." He grabbed the filly. "To the ultimate digging site!" He teleported the two of them to what could be only described as an underground mining area, complete with pickaxes, shovels, torches, and carts. She squealed in happiness. "Oh my gosh! All of this is for us!?" "Yep! We better start digging for those diamonds!" "Or ancient fossils! Or Ancient ruins! Or even lost treasure!" They both ran and picked up their own pickaxes and began to dig into the walls. Unbeknownst to them, they were watched by the mine's residents. "Yes, the pony is digging for us!" One of the three pairs of piercing eyes spoke, sounding like a poor imitator of Gollum from the Lord of the Rings movies. "And the hooman as well!" The other, more deeper voiced one added. "They will make better slaves than that whiner." the third added. "... Do you get the feeling we're being watched?" Deadpool asked, throwing aside the Holy Grail. "Nope!" Petunia replied, dragging a casket. "Eh, you're probably right." He picked up a skull. "Hey! Look at this! To be, or not to be? That is the question." He was tackled by someone. "HELP!!! I'M BEING TAKEN AWAY LIKE A CHILD AT MINECON!!!" A muzzle was put over his face. Kinky! Ew! No! "Deadpool!" Petunia yelled before having a muzzle placed over her face. "More slaves!" One of the three diamond dogs, the huge one, cheered. "Get digging now!" The smallest one barked. HEHEHE!!! I see what you did there! "OI!" Deadpool yelled "Do you know who the f**k I am!?" "SILENCE!!!" The medium one ordered before giving him a slap across his face. "You both slaves! You dig for us now!" "Dig or die!" The large dog ordered. Petunia whimpered under her muzzle. "And I thought archeology/paleontology was going to be fun." "Oh, don't you worry a thing! I have an idea!" He teleported out of his binds, and sliced Petunia free with one of his swords. He grabbed the filly and placed her on a ledge, teleporting away before returning quickly with a certain horned helmet on and other small, hairy men around. Deadpool quickly put on a fake, large beard. "It is time to mine away,my brothers." He spoke in a Scottish accent. One of the midgets banged a large drum out and another blew into a large horn. Petunia watched as a, yet, another one of Deadpool's songs played as he and the men began to march, and mine, their way to freedom. ♬Brothers of the mine rejoice!♬ ♬Swing, swing, swing with me!♬ ♬Raise your pick and raise your voice!♬ ♬Sing, sing, sing with me♬ ♬Down and down into the deep Who knows what we'll find beneath? Diamonds, rubies, gold and more Hidden in the mountain store♬ ♬Born underground, suckled from a teat of stone Raised in the dark, the safety of our mountain home Skin made of iron, steel in our bones To dig and dig makes us free Come on brothers sing with me!♬ ♬I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole Diggy diggy hole, diggy diggy hole I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole Diggy diggy hole, digging a hole♬ Petunia, not wanting to be stuck, hopped down some ledges, picking up her own pickaxe, and helped, albeit, not in synchronization with the dwarves, taking very small chunks of rocks out instead of the large boulders, and looking WAY too adorable while digging. ♬The sunlight will not reach this low♬ ♬Deep, deep in the mine♬ ♬Never seen the blue moon glow♬ ♬Dwarves won't fly so high♬ ♬Fill a glass and down some mead! Stuff your bellies at the feast! Stumble home and fall asleep Dreaming in our mountain keep♬ ♬Born underground, grown inside a rocky womb The earth is our cradle; the mountain shall become our tomb Face us on the battlefield; you will meet your doom We do not fear what lies beneath We can never dig too deep♬ ♬I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole Diggy diggy hole, diggy diggy hole I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole Diggy diggy hole, digging a hole I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole Diggy diggy hole, diggy diggy hole I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole Diggy diggy hole, digging a hole♬ Some Diamond Dogs noticed them and pounced at them. Deadpool pulled a detonator out and exploded the cave they were in,leaving them all in darkness. Petunia, being near the human, grabbed onto his leg and shivered away. Her fear quickly went away as light entered their would-be-tomb. ♬Born underground, suckled from a teat of stone Raised in the dark, the safety of our mountain home Skin made of iron, steel in our bones To dig and dig makes us free Come on brothers sing with me!♬ ♬I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole Diggy diggy hole, diggy diggy hole I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole Diggy diggy hole, digging a hole I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole Diggy diggy hole, diggy diggy hole I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole Diggy diggy hole, digging a hole♬ They flopped onto the floor. "BRIGHT LIGHT!!! BRIGHT LIGHT!!!" Deadpool squealed at the sunlight, returning to the dwarves, who threw him back out. You're not a Mogwi. We're a Minecraft YouTuber!!! "What the big deal!?" Deadpool demanded. "We don't work for ye." One of the dwarves answered "Now leave us alone! We're gonna take care of the pooches underneath." "And the creepers!" Another yelled, but in a stereotypical, nerdy voice. Deadpool groaned in annoyance, but snickered as he pulled out some various golden items. "At least I have the treasure." "That was fun!" Petunia squeaked "Can we try that again!?" "Uh... perhaps another time." He patted her mane. "And your parents must be worried about you." "Oh shoot! My parents!" Deadpool picked her up before teleporting back to her house, teleporting away before she could say anything. Next to her was a bag. She looked in it and found the various golden encrusted items, and a note. Your Booty now... context. "Context?" She asked herself. "...Eh, My family's gonna be happy!!!" Author's Note Been a while since I uploaded something. Like everyone else, that was a cute filly.
Super Buck Ball Bowl!!!... Part 1In Ponyville's Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Starlight Glimmer stood in an open acre. Applejack and Fluttershy wore blue vests while Pinkie, Rainbow, and Starlight wore red vests. "So, how do you play this again?" Starlight asked. "It's easy sugarcube," Applejack replied. "Both Pinkie and I are going to buck the ball into the goal. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are our defenses from the ball while you, with your magic, catch the ball in that there bucket." "So I stand and catch the ball with this bucket?" "Yep! And trust me, it's easier said than done." "Enough chit-chat!" Dash interrupted. "We still need to practice for the buckball tournament next week! And where the heck is Snails at?" "Um, maybe he's busy with school. He is still a colt, afterall." "Nope!" Pinkie interrupted "He's joined Deadpool!" "Deadpool!?" AJ, Dash, and Starlight shouted in unison. "That can't end well." Applejack added. "But it is." Deadpool replied. They jumped as they realized Deadpool was behind them. "Don't do that!" Rainbow growled "I outta punch you into next week!" "And in time for my team to kick your plots for the tournament? Please, do! I LOVE getting a good slap from a fine woman." Kinky! "Eeyup," Snails added, sucking juice from a juicebox. "Sorry, but I kinda like Deadpool more than you guys." "Hey!" Rainbow yelled "I may not be invincible, but I'm more awesome than him!" "Pfft! I'm 20% cooler." Deadpool replied. She gave him her triggered face... without the word 'TRIGGERED' below. AJ stepped in, letting Starlight to take Dash and calm her down. "Alright, mister, what's the big deal?" She asked "Do you even have a team?" "Of course! Snails and I are a team! A duo! Like Fievel Mousekewitz and Tiger!" "... I don't get it." Snails blurted. "You'll find out later. But as a heads up, Fievel Mousekewitz is in no way similar to William B.J. Blazkowicz from Wolfenstein." "Heh! Ya'll are short of wings!" AJ snorted "Ya'll can't join without a Pegasus!" Deadpool shoved an apple into her mouth. "Maybe not a pegasus, Apple Horse, but something better!" He pulled his cellphone out and dialed. Luna sat down and watched the new cellphone Deadpool gave to her. It rung. "YES!!! My Toy is working!" She grabbed the phone and- Deadpool only heard moans. "Uh... this is awkward." He hung up, canceling the noise that you perverts will be sending an audio file to make and publish for some views. "Alright, she's out of the list. Time for Plan B!" He dropped a bit to the floor. "Bit!" Appearing almost out of nowhere, and obscure by the cartoon fight cloud they were in, a bunch of griffins pounced for the bit, easily making every Nazi in hell (or heaven) laugh their ass off. The many griffins flew away, leaving only familiar griffin behind. And sorry, it's not Gabby. Fluttershy squealed like a pig before fainting like a goat. "Gilda!?" Dash yelled "What the heck are you doing here!?" "What!?" She replied with a hiss, but wasn't too threatening with it. "Can't a gal like me explore a town every now and then?" Deadpool picked her up. "Ready to join my team, Gilda?" He asked "Team? What team!? I'm not going to be part of some team, especially with an idiot and a-" "There's money involved." "... When do we start?" "Oh, right now, we have to train for the next week until we head for the tournaments." "...Tournaments?" "We start low, then begin to grow. And I know the way to get beat them all." "And that is?" "A Montage!!!" He teleported them all away. Deadpool began to run in place, wearing an 80's exercise outfit. Balls were thrown to him by Discord's tail, who was busy having tea with Fluttershy. The pegasus was pale as a ghost as Deadpool knocked the balls thrown with his butt, straight to Gilda, who had a hard time smacking the balls that flew past her. The Mercernary, dressed up as Hairy Potter, rode Gilda's back as she attempted to beat a blowing fan that, in itself, blew many trees out of their roots. She failed miserable and was thrown in the wind. Snails, in his yoga sitting pose, easily caught the tossed balls with his buckets, having a sandwich with Deadpool as Gilda was pummeled by balls thrown by Discord. Gilda had some luck,smacking the balls thrown at her in the air, but they all fell down deflated. A small pile of deflated balls were below her, and Snails was fast asleep. Deadpool, on the other hand, was kicking the balls while shouting nonsense karate moves. Gilda flew closer to the fan, having better success than previously, but struggled to keep her pace. Deadpool, standing on the side and dressed up as Mickey Goldmil, threw a bucket of nails into the wind. Only feathers, and a chicken sound, came from Gilda. Snails and Deadpool had mustaches as Gilda began to take the hits, occasionally falling, but standing and growling. The Mercernary pulled out a bing and lit it up, only to have the scene cut short as the next scene came. Gilda smacked every ball thrown at her to Deadpool, who ran in circles, naked with only a censor bar around his privates. Snails wore sunglasses and had a goatee, but caught the balls with his buckets. The griffin reached to the fan with a growl. Deadpool tossed some live grenades at her. She dodged them all, grabbed one, and threw it at Deadpool's face. It exploded off screen, with only his head bouncing into the frame before dissapearing again. Gilda walked to the two as they rapidly threw balls at her, ignoring the pain they literally threw at her. Deadpool threw a bowling ball at her, only for the griffin to catch the ball and throw it back. The ball came down splatted Deadpool's head in, leaving only the body to fall to the floor, presumably 'dead'. Gilda, Deadpool, and Snails stood in front of a stadium with full grown beards. "Why are we wearing these beards?" Gilda asked "Because we're a team!" Deadpool replied, stroking his. "I don't think beards define what a team is, idiot." "I really love mine." Snails added, stroking his as well. Gilda rolled her eyes before ripping her beard off. "I'm in this to win! Now will you bozos put your game faces on or what!?" "OOh! Give me a sec!" Deadpool replied, pulling out and putting on his literal game face. Gilda face smacked himself. Author's Note Happy near Superbowl! Part 2 will be arriving soon, most likely before, or sometime after the superbowl.
Round 2. Round 2. Deadpool glanced at the teams and who were in the competition. Ponyville: Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Starlight Glimmer. Ponyville 2:Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle Appleoosa: Braeburn, Pheremone, Lightning Round. "Huh... I was expecting more teams to enter." He said to himself. What a letdown! More like more lazy writing. "Oh well, it's one step closer to the money." He put on sunglasses as Snails and Gilda stood next to him on both sides. "Let's go win us those bucks. Hit it." Deadpool did his best 'pimp walk' as his team entered the arena. Staring at them awkwardly were their opponents; Team Ponyville 2. The crowd cheered as the two teams stood in their positions as the referee stood in the middle. "Alright!" He barked "I want a clean game! You know the rules: The Earth pony, and in this case, human, are on offense and stay in the middle for the Buckoff." HeeHeeHee!!! Buckoff. F**k off. "The Pegasi are on defense try to keep the ball out of the goal buckets, and pass it to their earth pony teammate to buck the ball into the other goal. And, unicorns, stand outside and attempt to catch the ball with only the bucket in their magic! I don't want any fighting, cheating, manipulations of ball in any way but natural, and poor sportsmanship in general!" "Of course, Coach!" Deadpool replied, hopping and preparing himself for the game. "Ah'm sure that won't be a problem, sugarcube." Applejack replied, preparing her hind legs for a buck. "And Deadpool," The referee spoke "since you have the height advantage, you won't be able to use your hands and arms for this." "Fair enough," Deadpool replied. "I can beat Applehorse here without my arms!" "...Ah... don't want that to happen." AJ commented, not wanting to see an armless Deadpool with fountains of blood spilling from the stumps of his arms. "Good to know," the referee continued "now, wish each other good luck and head to your positions!" Both Gilda and Rainbow flapped their wings, followed by them staring down at each other. "Sorry about this, Gilda," Dash spoke "but it looks like I'm going to have some roast chicken tonight!" "In your dreams!" Gilda replied "I'm gonna turn ya into glue!" "Uh... what's glue?" Twilight and Snails stared at each other for a bit. "This is going to be quite fun!" Twilight squealed in excitement. "My first game ever! I heard how good you are, snails. What's your secret?" "Not thinking about it." Snails answered, walking past her and taking his position. Twilight blinked. "... To each their own, I guess." She took her position. Both Deadpool and AJ stared down at each other. "I'm gonna win that cash, AJ," Deadpool spoke "And when I win that money, I'm gonna pay Sony Animations to cancel The Emoji Movie!" "Uh... Ah have no idea what that's about," AJ replied "but Ah am quite curious on how ya'll will do." The referee lifted the ball and whistled. He tossed the ball into the air, in which it fell to the two. Deadpool performed a backflip, kicking the ball into the air. Rainbow Dash flew to the ball and delivered a spike to it, passing it to AJ. The Earth Pony got her hind legs and bucked it to Twilight, only for Gilda to backhand the ball to Deadpool. The mercenary simply jumped in the air, bouncing the ball on his head, catching Rainbow Dash off guard as Snails caught it with the bucket in his magic. Deadpool fist pumped in victory. We Won!!! We need five more points to win. Oh... uh... what do we do? "We gotta Rumble!" Deadpool answered, pulling out a Boombox and a CD of the Official Space Jam Soundtrack. "Ya'll ready for this?" The game went as about as you expected through, yet, another montage, because I'm too lazy to write it all down, and this happens in every sports movie. Deadpool was in the game, but danced the whole way, matching the music that played as he bounced the ball to Snails. In the non-game scenes, it showed only Deadpool dancing in the middle of the field, but with a cut, Snails joined, and with another, Gilda joined, followed by a final cut showing the two teams dancing together, much to their opponent's surprise on what they're doing. However, if this were a true video, I'd request the maker to flash a certain character that made every boy have strange feelings when they were growing up... and have Deadpool dressed up as them by the end of the song, to which the score was simply Deadpool with 6 points and Ponyville 2 with 2 points. Their opponents panted hard as the game ended. "I... can't believe... we lost... again!" Rainbow spoke. "Aww, don't feel bad," Deadpool spoke, ruffling her mane. "you tried your best." "...Huh... that's pretty nice." AJ replied "Ah think yer-" "But your best isn't good enough. That's what I tell to my targets when they think they got away from me." "Nevermind." Afternoon. The team sat at the Hayburger, with Sonata, because reasons. Pinkie stood at their table. "...Aren't you supposed to be in the game?" Deadpool asked. "Nah, we forfeited." Pinkie replied. "We didn't want to make them feel bad, so we gave up. And Starlight's kinda bad, if you ask me." "Fair enough." "Anywho! Can I take your order please?" "Alright, guys, what do you guys want?" "I'll take a Number 9, idiot." Gilda groaned. "I'll take a number 9 as well." Snails added. "Let me get a number 6 with extra dip." Sonata added, seeing as it's the taco related thing on the menu. "I'll have two #9's," Deadpool ordered "a #9 large, a #6 with extra dip, a #7, two #45's, one wit cheese, and a large soda." "...That'll be 79 Bits." Pinkie spoke. Deadpool blinked and looked around. "...Uh..." He ran out of the door. The next day. Deadpool and his team stood in the field for the last two hours. Yesterday wasn't all that good, since the guard arrested Deadpool momentarily and demand that he pays by tomorrow or else he will have to pay a fine that's more than the original price, serve a year behind bars, or perform community service. If he lost, he'd choose the latter. However, the referee walked to them. "Well, it seems Appaloosa's team isn't going to be here." He spoke. "Say what!?" Deadpool asked. "Yep. Braeburn felt sick and couldn't handle the pressure. So by default, your team won." "... We're rich!!!" They all jumped in the air for victory. However, a mail appeared in front of the referee's face. He took the letter and read it to himself. "...Oh? Looks like this won't be easy." "Easy?" Gilda asked "We won everything 'cause everyone's a total wuss." "I'm down for another game." Snails spoke. "And who's our opponent, coach?" Deadpool asked. The referee simply pointed. Wade turned and gasped at who their opponents were. Deadpool and Gilda began to stammer in place, unsure on what to do. Snails, on the other hand, gawed at the princesses, as he's always wanted to be a princess himself since he was a foal. Ha! GAAAYYY!!! "Oh my," Celestia teased. "are you really afraid of little old me, Deadpool? Afraid to play with the princess of Equestria herself?" "And are you afraid of her sister playing against you?" Luna added "Fret not, I still love you, but I can see that your balls aren't as big as you say they are." "Now, now," Cadence spoke "we shouldn't be mocking this team for getting this far. We still have to make a good example for Flurry Heart when she grows up, even if Deadpool redecorated her room to his liking." Celestia took her spot, standing in front of Deadpool as Luna flapped her wings, and Cadence prepared the bucket. Deadpool's team took their spot, though Wade and Gilda sweated hard, unsure how to tackle this situation. The referee blew his whistle as he tossed the ball in the air. Celestia turned around and, with one leg, bucked the ball so hard, it blew all the clouds away as the ball exited Equestria's orbit in a blink of an eye. Everyone blinked, unsure where the ball went... only for the ball to return from the other side of the stadium, right behind Celestia, coming down in a ball of flame! Deadpool could only say one word as his pants now had a large wet stain in between his legs and a puddle around his feet. "...Mommy." The ball hit him in the face as everything seemingly went in slow motion for him. The next day. Deadpool stood behind the cash register as Canterlot's Buckball team celebrated. Gilda got the heck out of there, making her way back to the Griffin kingdom, and Snails was too young to be working there, but somehow, foals could work at the Ponyville hospital... as if that made sense. It was his first and last day at community service, and, unbeknownst to everyone else, he watched the Superbowl commercials on his phone. "Yep! And man, I'm so hyped for-" He was tackled by a hangry Twilight. "Where's our burgers!?!?!?" She demanded with a hiss. "Ahh!!! C-coming up, your highness!"
A Valentines Day special.Both Deadpool and Luna sat down at the Gazebo, lost into each other's eyes. And if you're wondering, no, it's not love poison, they're just that into each other. The gazebo was decorated with red & pink hearts, and had a boombox that played the best love song ever. On their table was what you'd expect: a white cloth over it with a lit candle in the middle, two plates in front of them with spaghetti with proper silverware, and a pack of... sex balloons. "Deadpool." Luna spoke, almost dream like. "Yep?" Deadpool replied "...How did you get this table ready?" "... I had some help. Earlier Deadpool had Chef Gordon Ramsay tied up in a chain in his basement. The famous (and infamous) chef breathed heavily as Deadpool walked down the stairs, whistling a tune to himself. "You!?" Ramsay yelled "Do you know who the fuck I am!?" "Of course." Deadpool spoke "You're chef Gordon Ramsay, one of the most famous chefs with the most profanity spoke on television, and donkey enthusiast." "And you know what's going to happen when they find me, you psychotic fuck!? I'm going to tear your head off and shit down your neck!" "You're funny." Deadpool walked to a closet and pulled out a butcher's vest, quickly putting it on "If you let me out now, I will personally make your final meal before they put you down, you retarded son of a bitch!" "Very tempting." He walked to a drawer and put on a pair of goggles. Gordon began to jump in his seat. "You damned lunatic!!! Don't you know what you're doing!? Let me go, now!" "In a moment. I just have some questions." Out of the shadows, he pulled a Chainsaw out. Gordon, unbeknownst to Deadpool, pulled a knife from his boot and sliced himself free. The chef tackled Deadpool and began to stab him in the heart. "Fuck-You-You-Piece-Of-Shit!!!" "Ow-ow-ow." Deadpool punched Ramsey in the face, knocking him back into his chair. The mercenary pulled out some handcuffs he acquired at a sex shop and tied the chef's hands and feet down. Gordon shook his head and tried to free himself, with very little success. Deadpool stood up with the chainsaw in hands and circled around the chef. "Alright, Ramsey... let me tell you how this is gonna work; I'm just gonna ask you one question. You are gonna answer that question in a way I find satisfactory and if you do not... I will god damn cut your head off with ol' ripper here." Ramsay began to breath harder, looking at Deadpool with scared s***less look. "Alright, here it comes; will you make a romantic dinner for Luna and I?" "... I-I don't know... who that is... or what she prefers." Deadpool glared at the chef before pulling the chainsaw up and pulling on the rope. The machine stuttered for a bit, and Deadpool retried again. The chef snapped and laughed as he began to move violently. "FUCK YOU AND YOUR DATE!!!" The chainsaw began to run as it should. "Well, it was nice knowing you." He began to slowly lower the chainsaw to Ramsey's throat. The chef began to scream like a little girl. "NO! NO! STOP! STOP! Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay!!! OKAY!!! I'll make your dinner!!!" Deadpool stopped, raising the chainsaw up. "... B-But... what does she want?" "SPAGHETTI, DAMMIT!!!" "ALRIGHT!!! Alright... pl-please... I-I'll need special ingrediants." "Done." "T-the best kitchenware." "Done." "And s-some alone time." "..." Deadpool raised the chainsaw again. "ALRIGHT!!!" Present. "Whatever you did, it's lovely." Luna continued. "I bet it is." Deadpool replied, turning to the setting sun. "Ah... ze night is upon us." "Oui." He turned back to her. "It is French." "I know. The language of Love and hatred for Americans." She giggled at it. "I don't know what it means, but I can imagine it." "Of course. ... Luna?" "Yes?" "...Whenever I see you... I feel something in me." "A boner?" "No! ... okay, yes, but not really. Whenever I see you... I feel... I feel like my heart is shot by an arrow that came a fat baby with wings." "... That's... oddly spe-" A heart came out of Deadpool's chest, with his heart on the tip. "WHAT THE F**K!?!?!?" "Oh S**T!!!" They turned around to see what was a fat baby with wings and holding various bows & arrows. "CUPID!!!" "Happy Valentines day, suckas!!!" It spoke before flying away. Cadence landed near them. "Did any of you happen to see a-" She paused as she saw Deadpool with the arrowed hearth through his chest. "Oh... nevermind. If I don't catch that baby, I'm going to be out of a job!" "Or you could just use Shining Armor as bait." Deadpool suggested. Cadence stared at him with a blank expression. "...What? It's just an idea." He took the arrow and heart out. "Heh... Kali-Ma! Kali-Ma!!!" Omnomchi-bi! Omnomchi-bi! Omnonchi-bi! F**king babies. Author's Note Happy Valentines/ Hearts and Hooves Day! I'm guessing you won't know that that scene was a reference to.
A true Pony #179: Twist"Okay, students," Cheerilee spoke to the class. "today is our field trip!" "YAY!!!" The entire class cheered with excitement. ... well, almost all. A near white earth pony filly with as curly red mane & tail, two pink candy canes in the form of a heart, and wore violet glasses sighed away. The field trip was to the crystal empire, and she had permission, but she needed a parent to come along with her. And if you're wondering, no, she's not an orphan, her parents are just occupied by the moment. "I wish I somebody to go with." As if some diety listened, her wish came true at the spot... with Deadpool smashing through the wall with the all too famous Smash Mouth song that was originally played for the movie Mystery Men but became famous with Shrek. To add more flavor to his, Deadpool was dressed up as the titular character, and made the cringe worthy pun that the internet loves. "It's all Ogre now!" The... THE CRINGE!!! Everyone's kept using cringe so much that it's basically lost it's punch. Look at the term Fascist and Donald Trump; he won the presidency because everyone's used it so much that no one thought for a second... unless you're Hillary Clinton, of course. ... When have we switched roles? For the sake of comedy! Cheerilee face hoofed herself, grumbling to herself. "Not him again." She looked at Deadpool with a glare "You're going to have to pay for that wall, Mr. Pool! And you're gonna have to leave before I call the authorities!" "Pfft! Like I give a f**k." He replied, turning to the filly. "Ah! I, and I believe most of the brony fandom, almost forgot about you, Twist!" "D-D-Deadpool." Twist stuttered with her speech impediment. "That's me!" He grabbed onto her head. "Come now, adventure awaits us!" "A-Adventure?" Deadpool turned and ran away... only to be stopped by a blockade of many familiar faces. And by familiar faces, it was an entire army of all of his famous enemies that he's enemies with. Leading them was Taskmaster himself. "Deadpool!" He yelled. "Heya, Tasky!" Deadpool replied "What are you and some of these d****ebags doing here?" "We are all here to kill you, Deadpool! Every single one of your greatest enemies!" "Ooh! Roll call! Hey folks, comment below the villains that you know!" "Dr. Kill Brew and Ajax!" "How is he alive?" "Ellen Whitby and Evil Deadpool!" "Those two!?" "T-Ray! Slayback, Princess Teela, Macho Gomez, Doctor Bong, Black swan, Black Tom Cassidy, Black Box!" "Now you're making me sound racist." "Garrison Kane! Allison Kemp, Vetis with Corrado Coloruno, Artie, Bobby Tisdell, and Daniel Grump! Professor Veronica!" "I still like you!" Professor Veronica moaned like the zombie she is. "Anastasia, Id the selfish moon, Rive, Sluggo, the switchblade sisters, Tiamat, White lightnin', Champion, Deathtrap, Father, Den Karke, Grasshopper, Butler, The paguros, White Man, Frankenstein, Vertigo, Blockbuster, Arclight, and Mr. Sinister!!!" Deadpool laid on a lawnchair, fast asleep with a playboy magazine over his face. Twist poked him. "Um... sir?" she squeaked. Deadpool snorted awake. "I'm up!" He yelled, shaking himself off. "Geez, I can barely keep track of who I fight and who I kill now. Welp, you may wanna stay back for this." "A-are you going to be alright?" "Yep! I think this is a fair fight. Just me vs all of these f**k-tards. But, I'm gonna make it interesting." He pulled out a boombox. "And if you're wondering, folks at home, I think this is the halfway point to this fanfic... or the quarter way point... maybe the 3/8th point." "... What?" "KILL HIM!!!" Taskmaster yelled, followed the whole quad charging at him. Deadpool pressed the play button on the boombox, which was followed by a kickass beat. He pulled his two katanas out and teleported into the middle, where he did a backflip on Ajax and Killbrew, proceeding to rock out as he began to fight. ♬In the brightest dawns♬ Deadpool threw a knife into Evil Deadpool's head, knocking the clone down before jumping ahead and sliced Garisson Kane's left leg off. He tackled Arclight, squeezing her breasts in the process. ♬I make any supers fall♬' He turned to see all the villains charging for him, each with rage in their eyes. ♬There's a lot of antiheroes♬ "Hopefully, this will work." Deadpool spoke before pressing a button. ♬But I'm the best of them all! Yeah!♬ A motorcycle came and knocked some of the villains down as it came to Deadpool. He jumped onto the vehicle and pulled out a Semi-auto and shot down Mr. Sinisiter... before three more came from behind. ♬Who has the coolest weapons?♬ "♬DEADPOOL!♬" The School foals cheered as Deadpool turned around and ran over Artie and Black swan. ♬Who has the tricked out rides?♬ "DEADPOOL!" Deadpool was surrounded by Blockbuster, Champion, and T-Ray, who all proceeded to tackle him. ♬Who does the sickest backflips?♬ "DEADPOOL! NANANANANANANANA DEADPOOL!!!" Deadpool began to spin around in circles, promptly making Champion and T-Ray to grab onto Blockbuster's legs. "DEADPOOL!!! DUHNA DUHNA DUHNA DUHNA DEADPOOL!!!" ♬If you think my muscles are big♬ Deadpool pulled out a katana and sliced Blockbuster's arms off, making him and the two big guys fly off and crush The White man, Frankenstein, and Anastasia. ♬You haven't seen my d**k♬ He proceeded to drive straight ahead and slice the heads off of Rive and Sluggo. ♬Ladies, it's okay if you stare♬ ♬Why?♬ "♬CAUSE MAN TEARS ARE IN THE AIR!!!♬" Deadpool sang as he drifted. "Quit dying on me, you idiots!!!" Taskmaster yelled. "You guys should stop while you're ahead, tryhards." Deadpool spoke, quickly enjoying a cup of tea before he threw the hot liquid in Daniel Grump's eyes. ♬I get the last laugh♬ ♬I’m worse than Mad Max♬ Some demons came out and began to mess with his vehicle. He jumped out, letting the motorcycle run into and over Vetis as he pulled two of his guns out and delivering headshots. ♬Make you get axed♬ ♬Like with Ajax♬ ♬Turn Taskmaster♬ ♬To P***-Master♬ ♬I'm about 90% insane♬ "Kiss me, Wilson." Professor Veronics spoke, holding onto Deadpool and going in for a kiss. "EWW!!!" Deadpool grudged. He teleported away, bringing in some of the dying and fresh corpses of the members out to get him. She gagged and kicked their heads away. With all of them gone quickly, he decided to shoot her in the head and stood his ground, shooting everywhere and hitting the baddies in their limbs or private parts. ♬Who is the funniest man?♬ "DEADPOOL!" The students cheered. ♬With the balls of steel?♬ "DEADPOOL! ♬Who can choke the a chicken?♬ "DEADPOOL!" ♬Who never skips leg day?♬ "DEADPOOL!" ♬Who always pays their taxes?♬ "NOT DEADPOOL!!" "How is he killing you all, again!?" Taskmaster demanded "Because," Deadpool answered, shooting Id in the head with a shotgun. "I'm Deadpool!" He sliced Father's face off. "I'M DEADPOOL!!!" He double kicked the switchblade sister's in their faces as he pulled a guitar out and did a wicked guitar solo! "I'M DEADPOOL!!!" Silence afterwards. The bodies of the various villains laid all over the schoolyard. Cheerilee stood with a wide, open, and shocked expression with her left eye twitching after seeing such madness. Only Taskmaster stood in the middle. "So," Deadpool spoke, taking out and flipping a knife in his right hand. "Want to risk it like old times? Or are you gonna run away and scream for your mommy?" Taskmaster stared for a bit. Then he turned and ran away, screaming his head off. "Aww... I was hoping for another fight... oh well." Her turned around to see the shocked teacher's expressions and the excited/ scared looks of the students. "... Uh... you shouldn't have seen that... I'm just gonna... yeah." A small schoolbus, with what looked like had a face on it, arrived behind Deadpool. It opened to reveal a woman with frizzy red hair in a bun and wore a dress that had images of Horses on it. "Seatbelts Every-!" She spoke before Deadpool ran in. "Drive! The skit's been canceled!" "What are you-?" "JUST DRIVE!!!" The bus's doors closed and it flew into the air. Author's Note When I first came here, I thought it would be a fun idea for Ms. Cheerilee to have the magic school bus herself. But, alas, I stuck with idiocy and went with Deadpool. And if you're wondering, this was meant for the finale, but I just said screw it and went with it... that and Logan is out. Had a great tear with that movie... and it was bloody awesome! Go see it!
High School drama. The EQG worldThe Bus came to a stop. It's door opened, letting Deadpool out... who felt strange through it. Everything about him felt wrong as he exited the bus. He was outside of what could only be described as a high school with a familiar looking horse statue in front of it. "Where the hell are we!?" An annoying voice asked from behind. "Beats me." Another, more stern voice, answered. Deadpool turned to see two of his Teenager selves. "AHH!!! TWINS!!!" He screamed. "AHH!!! WE'RE FREE!!!" The annoying yelled. "We have our own bodies now." The other spoke, looking at himself. "And you're now a teenager." "What the-!?" Wade looked down at himself. "Ah s**t! I'm going through puberty again!?" "Ooh! You know what this means!?" Crazy asked "We can learn something new and correct our mistake of dropping out?" Stuffy asked "Nope! We can stare at younger girls now!" Deadpool stared for a minute... then felt his pants tighten. "Oh yeah..." Wade drooled. Stuffy slapped them both across their faces. "You perverts!" He yelled. "Howdy, strangers!" The voice of A.J. yelled. They turned to see the teenage version of Applejack, complete with a stenson and... denim skirt. "Why do you have a skirt on?" Crazy asked "Uh... pardon?" "You're a farmer, aren't ya? Isn't a skirt going to be bad? Especially if you fall and some sand gets up your va-" Stuffy covered his mouth. "I'm sorry for that! My brother... Carlos, isn't exactly great with people." "Oh, well, Ah can see his point. So who are ya'll?" "I'm Steven, and he's-" "Wade Wilson!" Wade interrupted, walking to her and extending his hand to her. "Glad to see that someone here looks relateively normal instead of a character from Doug." "... Is that supposed to be a compliment or...?" Applejack asked. "Don't mind him." Stuffy replied. "I'm the brains, Wade's the slacker, and Carlos is the idiot." "Hm, Ah can see that. But why do ya'll wear masks?" "We love 50 Shades of Grey." Wade answered, pulling out the erotic novel and opening it, where the head of George Takei began to read aloud. Applejack stared, then ran off. "What!?" Deadpool yelled "I thought you girls loved these type of erotic novels!" "I doubt she's horny like you." Stuffy replied. "Oh my!" Crazy replied with his best Takei impersonation. "Ech! We better find a way back home." Deadpool spoke. "Or we can stay here until the mess you've made is cleaned up." Stuffy suggested. "... Or that." He turned to the school. "Well... hopefully, we can meet every character here by the end of this chapter." "But we have to come back after EQG5." Crazy added. "Shut the f**k up!" He pulled a map out of nowhere. "Now, let's see the layout. "... Crystal Prep and Canterlot high are near each other?" Stuffy asked "What the hell!? That's a waste of gas!" "I knew Walmart was behind this!" Crazy added. "Perhaps. But, we should see everyone in the favorite thing!" "Montage?" Stuffy and Crazy asked. "Yep!" Rarity. "You mean to say that you meet three, disturbing triplets?" The white girl asked. "Yep." Applejack replied "They questioned why Ah wore a skirt instead of pants." "... Why don't you wear pants?" Applejack face palmed himself. It wasn't until Deadpool and crew came in, with Wade wearing black glasses and dressing up horribly that the Razies would say won for worst costume design. "Vhere is ze bathroom!?" He asked in a stereotypical German accent. "I need to drop der s**t!" "Um... who are you?" Rarity asked. Deadpool began to touch her face. "Oh my god! A real Mexican!" "A real-?" "Listen, der Mexicano! I'm a fashion designer from Iron Fist! Would you like to be fisted?" "What the-!?" "Oh wait, you're a man! I don't like gays zat way! Come! We must leave!" He tripped over a trashcan and fell into a janitor's bucket. "Oh! I found ze bathroom!" He began to unzip his pants. The two girls screamed and ran. "What is wrong with you?" Stuffy asked "Fashion is blind." Crazy answered. Fluttershy The yellow girls sat down, petting her pet rabbit on the steps of the high school. She paused and stared as Rarity and Applejack ran out, screaming for their lives. "... What just happened?" She asked aloud. "I happened." Deadpool spoke. She turned, only to be meet with a weird mask. OOGA booga booga booga!!!" "AAHHH!!!" She got up and ran. Deadpool took the mask off and snickered to himself. Rainbow Dash. The blue soccer girl practiced balancing the ball on her head... up until Deadpool tackled her in Football gear. "WHOO!!! This is a real sport, Missy! No one gives a f**k about Soccer!!! WHOO!!!" He ran and disappeared into the bushes. All dash could do was blink. "... What the-?" Pinkie Pie It went like this Sci-Twi Twilight entered her private private study in Crystal prep. However, she paused as she Deadpool, Stuffy, and Crazy all together, doing the deam meme, the Harlem shake. "What the-!?" She yelled. "How did you-!?" The bass dropped. Somehow, she was twerking as Crazy got Spike and performed The Daggering, Deadpool performed the D**k slang, and Stuffy hanging himself in the background. The Crystal Prep students. The 6 main students from the 3rd EQG movie (Who I won't mention their names) stood in the hallway, each doing their own thing. Deadpool ran and, with baby arms, smacked all of their breasts before running away and giggling like a madman. The principals. Principal Cinch stood, looking out of a window and getting a good look of the schoolyard. However, unbeknonst to her, and something she should've noticed, was Deadpool on her desk with his pants down... doing his business. The door opened and Principal and Vice Principal Celestia, Luna, with Shining Armor and Cadence entered, but gasped as Deadpool finished. Cinch turned around and gasped. "... Did you just...?" Cinch asked. Deadpool pulled up his pants and tightened his belt before throwing gang signs. "Wasup?" He asked with swagger. "Wassup, dog? Crapped on your desk dog, wassup with that?" They stared at him. "... SMOKE BOMB!!!" He threw a smoke bomb, making everyone cough before running away. Camp. Both Gloria and Timber finished making the camp look presentable to the new campers that will arrive. "We sure did it this time." Timber spoke, wiping some sweat from his forehead. "Yep." She replied. "And hopefully, nothing supernatural happens. A loud banging came from the shed. They paused and stared. The sound of an engine was turning on, before the door crashed open and Wade came out, wearing a blue hoodie and wearing a hockey mask. "I'M THE REAL DELIRIOUS!!!" He shouted "PSYCHO!!!" They screamed before running away, screaming their heads off. Everyone else. The whole town was under lockdown. Posters of Deadpool were around, simply labeled psychopath, hung everywhere and littered the streets. Deadpool, Stuffy, and Crazy walked down the streets, stopping at the bus stop. The magic School bus arrived before the door opened. "Seatbelts, everyone!" Ms. Frizzle spoke. "Yeah, let's get out of here." Deadpool spoke. "This town is getting boring to my taste. Highschool drama is not for me... let;s go back to the Fantasy world." "Agreed." Stuffy and Crazy nodded, but for different reasons. They entered the bus, which took them away and back to the real Equestria. Author's Note I enjoy the movies. But, let's be honest: high school movies really aren't really great. And yes, I think of Doug when I see them, with negative memories. And no, my name isn't Doug, but it's mostly for how boring that show was.
A major Hangover: Ponies # 180-184: Gladmane, Trapeze Star, That director, and Seigfreid & RoyThe schoolbus fell to the floor with the ear r**e of the Magic School Bus theme. WE'RE CRASHING!!! WE'RE CRASHING!!! DAMMIT, MISS FRIZZLE!!! "I BLAME THE MEMES!!!" Deadpool yelled, pulling a baseball out. "What are you doing!?" The teacher asked as the bus was going to crash into Equestria's version of the Twin Towers. "Getting out of here, ya crazy b***h!!!" He smashed a window and jumped out. To make sure SJWs don't get triggered, the bus bloomed into many flowers, raining down happy thoughts of people being PC with each other. P***y! With the long way down, Deadpool began to spin out of control, looking more like a torpedo firing... and the song, Shooting Stars by the Bag Raiders played, with the floor turning into multiple other backgrounds for Wade to fall in/ be a part of. Some of these include being fired out of a torpedo, Rainbow Dash's Sonic Rainboom, passing through and using a mass relay from the Mass Effect games, doing M.Bison's psycho kick in Street Fighter, and, most importantly, the shrinking down to microscopic square sized scene in Ant Man, which would be impossible, and would've made a black hole, killing not just Scott Lang's daughter, but sucking up the whole world... Film theory. A lot of people are starting to hate Matt Patt. Well, there are major flaws in his theories, so there's that. "STILL SPINNING!!!" Deadpool yelled as he fell down to the city of Las Pegasus, Equestria's elaborate Chucky Cheese and Peter Piper Pizza... so, mostly the Main Event. Inside, a dark yellow earth pony mare with a glittery, poofy, blue mane & tail, and wearing a pink unitard, stretched for her performance. Her manager, a light blue unicorn stallion with a dark blue mane & beard (Who I swear may be Party Favor's Dad), approached to his client. "Ach! This is no good!" He spoke in a German Accent. "Miss Tapeze, I'm afraid we will have to cancel ze show!" "Cancel!?" She asked in shock "But why!?" "One of our 'guests' has fallen sick! I'm afraid we can't do ze saw in half trick like we've rehearsed." "But... but, surely, we can somepony else?" "Not unless they fall through ze roof, I don't think so." He shouldn't have said that, as Deadpool fell into the backstage... while yelling something that will trigger you SJWs. "ALLAHU AKBAR!!!" He crashed through the roof and landed on the floor with a loud 'CRACK', face first. "... Nailed it." "NEIN!!!" The manager yelled. "Nine!? I'm meh with that movie.... yeah, sue me! I'm not a huge fan of that movie! I ain't a sheep!" A lamb gave him a death glare before walking by him. "... How did a sheep get here?" Trapeze Star asked. "Ahh! Cover your cheek!" Deadpool pulled a rag and rubbed the marking off her face. "Hey!" She slapped his hand away. "What the hay are you doing that for!?" "That marking on your face! It looks likes boobs!" "...Boobs?" "Knockers! Melons! Ta-Tas! Meat baskets! The bra's best friend! T**s!" "... I don't follow." Deadpool slapped himself in the face. "Why did Hasbro censor Derpy those years ago and not censor your face paint?" Awkward staring. "... Anyways! Where does the magic happen, or do I have to bring it?" "... Do you know anything about magic?" "Well, I'm a human, and you're an Earth Pony, so do you?" "Touche. But what can you bring?" Deadpool pulled a chicken from out on nowhere. "I have my magical chicken with me! Say hello, Scootaloo!" "Ack! A chicken!?" A German accent stallion spoke, Seigreid. "Why bring a filzy bird!?" "Do not mind him!" The other, Roy, spoke. "Our pink prairie dogs are much better zan zat bird." "Ooh! Wir können einen Dreier haben!" Deadpool suggested "NEIN!!!" The two, totally-not-gay-German-stallions spoke, turning and running away." "VAIT!!! Ich habe Schnitzel! Bier! Und Brezeln!" He ran after them while carrying... the Nazi flag... with a picture of Trumpler "The show is ruined now!" The director yelled. "We only have a few seconds before we begin! Surely this can't get any worse!" The lights were cut off, leaving everyone in darkness... except for the hole in the roof, where the sun began to set. "Now listen here folks, uh-huhu!" A familiar, weak Elvis impersonation spoke through the intercoms. "Ya'll better stop what ya'll are doing and listen up! Starting right now, I plan to take over this here stage show, turn it back into my grand emporium from before, and get back to running Las Pegasus." "Oh yeah!?" Deadpool yelled, throwing his Nazi uniform out. "You ain't nothin' but a hound dog! And you're gonna die dropping chunks of burning love!" "Oh? And you're gonna stop me all alone?" "Who said I was alone?" Deadpool was in a sensei outfit, still holding the chicken, and walked to the stage while yodeling with some music playing. The spotlights turned to him, to which the audience saw Deadpool walking to the side, where the rich prick Gladmane stood, as much as in pure confusion as the audience. ♬You should know that a man with the power of nature Can bring you to the end of your luck And you should know by my stride and the look in my eye That you're about to be massively forced to give up!♬ He threw the chicken ahead. The bird turned from the animal to a pure white wearing ninja that had on a cute chicken hat on his head. It stood up, doing some flips, and prepared for combat. ♬Chicken attack Chicken attack Watch your back before it fades to black They might look harmless but they'll kick your non-chicken ass!♬ Some of Gladmane's henchmen got up and ran to the chicken ninja. The other Scootaloo easily blocked all their attacks and knocked down his opponents, subduing them, but not killing them, making them fall unconscious. ♬Go chicken go! Go chicken go! Now go, now fly You own the sky♬ With all of the Gladmane's men down, the ninja rolled backwards and jumped into Deadpool's hands, where it turned back into the bird. The crowd cheered and applauded. Gladmane, however, turned and ran away. ♬With the power of nature you're never alone And you can't let evil run amok Every beast, every tree follows me to the end And you're about to be massively F****d!♬ Deadpool threw the chicken ahead. A screen on top showed the streets of Las Pegasus, now night, showing the chases happening outside. Gladmane tripped and bumped into everything you can imagine in the busy streets, but the ninja otherwise was able to slide, jump, or parry over anything thrown at him. ♬Chicken attack Chicken attack Watch your back before it fades to black They might look harmless but they'll kick your non-chicken ass Go chicken go! Go chicken go! Now go, now fly You own the sky♬ Gladmane was near the end of the city, miles away, exhaused. He cowered as Deadpool stood over him, holding the chicken in his hands. ♬You're young and you're hungry Perhaps short on money I give you this chicken today♬ Deadpool gave Gladmane the chicken. I♬ts eggs for your dinner Its legs for next winter You won't have to steal again♬ "You're... a merciful person." Gladmane spoke, tearing up. "You're able to control all animals?" "いいえ！ 私はちょうどこの素晴らしいビデオを見て、この章でそれを使用しなければなりませんでした。" That's when Applebloom appeared, dressed up as a foolish samurai warrior wielding a magical sword. "Why the heck are you using fancy words?" She asked "なぜあなたの両親は生きているのですか？ 私は彼らが死んだと思った！ 家に帰る。 私はまだ次のサムライジャックのエピソードを待っている。" The Chicken turned into a ninja and ran away with Gladmane's mane, revealing it to be a toupee. ♬Go chicken go! Go chicken go! Now go, now fly You own the sky♬ Author's Note Thanks Miniladd for finding this song.
Sometime in Ponyville."EVERYPONY!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!" Daisy of the flower trio screamed as she and many of ponyville's residents ran away from the self proclaimed 'YouTube Hero', which was a guy wearing all red with the head of that weird YouTube head they've been adding with the sad face. The figure ran around, blasting whatever and whoever came into place, making their heads turn into his and just laying on the floor... not dead, nor alive... most likely in a coma. "Where's Deadpool!?" A filly screamed. "He knows how to battle it!" "It's all Deadpool and not us, now is it?" The voice of Discord asked. The town turned to see the Taco Squad had assembled at the spot. "You know, we're with him." "But we haven't gotten any sort of action with him," Pinkie replied "Nor any mention since a couple of chapters ago. We're nothing more than a joke!" "Like that Cash me Outside girl getting her own TV show?" Surprise asked. "Eww! No! Nothing like that!" "At least we know it's gonna flop." Sonata added, having herself a taco. "Like Annoying Orange and Fred." "Ptththtpthtpthp!" Fluffle Puff spatted. "Oh, right, the monster." Pinkie replied, pulling a device from her mane. "Alright, everypony! It's morphing time!" "Pink Cupcake Ranger!" Pinkie shouted. Doing various flips and Karate moves while glowing, Pinkie turned into a human (kinda) with a pink suit and helmet that had enough room for her muzzle. The black visor was in the shape of a cupcake. She pulled out a large spatula out of thin air. "Pink Ranger, ready!" "Blue Taco Ranger!" Sonata shouted, following Pinkie's move. She was similar to Pinkie, but was bright blue and her visor was a Taco. She pulled a large frying pan out of the air. "Blue Ranger Ready!" "White muffin Ranger!" Surprise shouted. Following her peers, she was now all white with a muffin shaped visor... and a small derpy plushie on her head. "Ptthtphptphpt!" Fluffle Puff spat. She fell to the floor. An explosion came, and Fluffle Puff stood back, wearing a red suit like her peers, and the visor was the marker from Dead Space. "Krispy Kreme™ Ranger, go!" Discord added. He just pulled a Krispy Kreme™ donut out of a box and ate it. He became like his peers, wearing a white suit with green edges and a red visor that, when angled at the sun, read 'Krispy Kreme™'. Unlike the others, he was morbidly obese, looking more like those 'handicapped' people you see at your local Walmart. He fell onto a rascal scooter, slowly and painfully sitting down. "Ugh! I need a push!" The team assembled, supposedly looking badass, only to look more laughable than Deadpool dancing. "... We're doomed." Twilight muttered. "Oh dear, Discord really needs to get out more." Fluttershy only commented. Rarity and Rainbow Dash only stared before turning and puking away. The YouTube Hero only stared at them, unsure what to say (if it could, that is), and how to act. "Together! As a team!" Pinkie shouted. "YEAH!!!" They all added... before the 4 ladies kicked Discord out of the Rascal scooter, making him roll down a hill at lightning speed. The Youtube Hero didn't react and was flattened. "We did it!" The ladies jumped in the air in celebration, while Discord only shook his limbs weakly. "Need... Krispy Kreme™... donuts." He muttered. However, the YouTube Hero grew as the Various Corporation channels channeled all their money into it, healing the monster and making it grow to the size of Dragonlord Torch. "It's back!" Sonata yelled. "What do we do!?" "Ptthhpthptptphptphpt!" Fluffle Puff spat. "She's right!" Surprise nodded. "The only thing we can do!" The ranger all sat in a Krispy Kreme™ restaurant, trying out some of their different flavors. Well, except for Discord, who was getting beaten back to shape, literally, by Donut Joe and Twilight Sprinkle. Sparkle could only stare at her doppelganger "... Shouldn't we be doing something?" Pinkie asked. "Nah, it's all handled." Surprise replied. The YouTube Hero was taken out by the PornHub Beast, who had the biggest Censor bar and collection of Lube in the world. All of the single stallions worshiped their God, with the single mares judging the single stallions, even though they wish they had what it took to get their first interaction with love, and possible being the mother they've always dreamed of. Deadpool came back, seeing the destruction. "... I gotta do this." He pulled a megaphone out. "Play the Bee Movie!" The PornHub Beast gave a thumbs up and played the Bee Movie on it's screen. Deadpool laughed as he ran away from the groans of many villagers, but cheers of foals as an animated movie was playing. Author's Note Yeah, yeah, YouTube seems to suck nowadays, and this was inspired by the new Power Rangers movie, I won't lie. And if you're wondering, the Krispy Kreme Ranger came from Angry Joe's review of the movie, which I had to disagree with, but it made me laugh at the idea of that happening.
Modern Art. Pony #185: Arrowhead.In Ponyville's local art museum, mares, stallions, and foals all gathered around, observing the various art pieces made by Shining Armor's friend, Arrow Head. The totally-not-a-hipster-pegasus stallion smiled away as everypony gathered around, observing his creations... with mixed feelings. Though, to be honest, while it would seem Equestria's population is a bit low in the intelligence, they kinda had the right idea of asking 'Is this even Art?' like we do nowadays. However, the stallion was poked in his left flank. He turned to see Scootaloo in her telegram outfit, with a package. "Sir Arrow Head?" She asked, offering the package. "Package for you." He took the package. She saluted before running off. "For me?" He asked, seeing the note on the package. URGENT. It read, but with really bad handwriting that most of us have nowadays and that our parents may say "Your God damn serial killer handwriting!"... okay... too personal. "What?" He asked, opening it. Inside was a gas mask, just able to cover his muzzle, though he had to hold on to it. Another note was in it. He read it to himself. Put this on right now. It read in that serial killer handwriting that my dad yells at me about even though I HAVE A DIFFERENT FONT THAN HIS!!!... Anyways, as soon as he read that, a strange colored smoke began to pump through the air vents around. The nearby ponies who took a whiff fell to the floor, fast asleep. Arrow Head, unsure as to what was happening, followed suit, putting and holding the gas mask over his muzzle. In a matter of moments, everyone in the museum was passed out, unharmed, both in, and anyone within a meter away. Soon, the gas dissipated away. The front door opened, and in came Deadpool, having a gentleman's hat and wielding cane in his right hand, and was followed by his Taco Squad, with Discord having a boombox on his shoulders. Everyone else had brushes and cans of paint with them, with the cans being open, it's handle's in their mouths, and all holding the brushes in their hooves. "Ladies, and a gentleman." Deadpool spoke. "Let's broaden our minds!" Discord pressed the play button, and out came a song by Prince. With a wave of his cane, Deadpool lead everyone in, swinging his cane around and knocking over the small, golden trophy, to which it shattered into smaller pieces. "Surprise?" The white pegasus bounced to him, not spilling any paint, surprisingly. He pulled out a fairly small paintbrush, and, on the all black 'painting', he drew a famous internet meme on it. Sonata spattered her cans of paint all over the hoof-print covered floor pannel, before jumping into the center and dancing to the music, while mouthing the lyrics, thought not entirely singing it. Discord himself, with the aid of his tail, went to every portrait, adding mustaches and dorky glasses to each of them... except for one. He paused, but snickered as he simply erased the glasses and pictures. Pinkie dunked her whole head in her can of paint before running face first, spattering her whole face into the cake picture, which somehow turned into the Mona Lisa. Surprise splattered every other painting with her own paint, not even caring the mess she made in the process. Despite all of his artwork being ruined, Arrowhead stayed silent, unsure as to whether to tell them to stop, or encourage them. A romantic table appeared in front of him, which was followed by everyone adding their final touches, and rushing to Arrowhead, where the song stopped and Deadpool took his seat in front of him. "You can take that off now." He spoke. Arrowhead followed, taking the gasmask off his muzzle. "You're beautiful... in an millennial kind of way. But I'm sure we can make you more... today." Pinkie pulled a flamethrower out and lit up the candles in front of them. Deadpool picked up his binder. "This your portfolio?" "I'm... meeting someone who wants to see my work." Arrowhead answered, sweating a bit. Deadpool looked through his artwork "Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap." He stopped at what looked like a genuine, morbid picture of Arrow's foalhood. "Now that's good work! The pain, the suffering. You give it such a dim glow. I'm not a huge fan of your art, but I like this." He stood up. "Let me tell you what I'm thinking about; I was in the bath one day... when I realized why I was destined for greatness. You know how concerned people are about appearances? 'This is attractive, that is not.' That is all behind me. I now do what other people only dream; I make art...until someone dies. See?" He snickered. "I am the world's first, fully-functioning homicidal artist!" "What do you want?" "... For everyone to laugh at pain and suffering without being too sensitive about things." "You're joking, aren't you?" "Do I look like I'm joking?" "... Kinda." "Listen, we mustn't compare ourselves to regular people. We're artists. For instance, let me challenge you with a piece I did." He pointed to Pinkie "Pie?" She ran out. "Luna." He turned back to Arrowhead, handing him a camera. "You will photograph and record my work. You will join me in the avant-garde of the new aesthetic." "Wade!" Luna groaned, walking in with a mask on. "You said I could watch you improve these paintings." "Oops! I'm in trouble now." "Why is she wearing a mask?" Arrow asked. "It's still just a sketch, really. Luna, please, sit down. Show the man why you wear this mask. Luna's been made over in line with my new philosophy. So now, like me... she is a living work of art." Luna showed her face. Arrow Head jumped up from the surprise! "I'm no Picasso, but...do you like it?" Deadpool asked "It's great." He lied "So...what can I do for you?" "A little song, a little dance. The DC Executives heads on a lance. What do you know about...?" He pulled up a photo of Paul Broucek" "I don't know anything about him." "Really? Well, how about a little "you and me"?" "You're insane." "I thought I was a Pisces, but, fair enough. Let's make up. Have a little... whiff of my posy." He pulled a gun and pulled the trigger. A flower hit the stallion on the head, making him scream like a little filly. He grabbed a vase of water and splashed it on Deadpool's face. Steam came out of his face as he covered his face. "Help me! I'm melting! I'm melting! Help me! I'm melting!" "... What did I just do?" He asked himself. Deadpool turned around, showing his real face. Arrow screamed again. "Boo!" Deadpool snickered. The shock made Arrowhead faint on the spot. "... So... dinner?" Luna asked, rubbing the fake eye off her face. "Yeah," Deadpool replied, putting on another dry mask on. "So, how do you like my new art?" "It's very creative. Much better than his artwork, might I add." "Eh, I had some help. I bet we can sell these to those rich folks in Canterlot and make a pretty bit!" "My thoughts exactly." Luna's horn glowed as she picked up the new, dried up paintings, and took them to be sale for Canterlot's next auction house. The roof crashed as Celestia came down, wearing an all black, bat-like costume. "That's far enough-!" She yelled in a grizzly voice before stopping and realizing the place was filled with her unconscious subjects.. "Dang it! How can I become Bat-Mare without anyone to fight or protect!?" Author's Note Yeah, yeah, an obscure, one off character from a new episode with a whole scene that's basically similar to Tim Burton's Batman? I'm that weird, I know.
A certain specialThis is the story of a boy named Deadpool. A lonely boy who tried to make a friend for May 4th... A very young Wade Wilson stood outside of his family's trailer park home, wearing a red hoodie & pants, black gloves, boots, and a scarf over his face. Though it may be summer, it's still cold as hell in Canada, and today, something he thought of, was the holiday around Star Wars, May 4th, or simply dubbed, 'May the 4th be with you'. Of course, in the future, there will be 'Revenge of the 5th', but that'll offend the Mexicans, make Donald Trump laugh with pride, and, the last of prequel trilogy wasn't released at this time. But, let's get back to the boy in the snow. Little Wade made a snowman, all by himself with his own hands. It was about twice his size, but Wade gave it some stick arms, with the left having a red lightsaber taped to it, and a star wars blanket-cape that he took from his friend, Jeremy Jahns. A sense of pride went into the boy, who pulled out a Darth Vader helmet. "I've always wanted to explore the galaxy and have a real loving father," he spoke to himself. "But I think you'll fit that bill, Darth Frosty." He put the helmet of the snowman. True innocence filled his mind... until the ground shook violently with the sky turning red, fire erupting from the floor, and GOD DAMN DEMONS BEGAN FLYING OUT, RIPPING PEOPLE IN HALF!!! Wade gasped and turned around, seeing the a large figure emerging from a canyon that wasn't there before; it was the devil himself... or, more specifically, Mephisto. "Thanks, Kid!" Mephisto's voice boomed. "I've been waiting to fuck this shitty ass place up for a LONG time!!!" Wade only turned to see the literal hell on earth happening: People ran around, screaming for their lives as they were burned, ripped apart, and other acts of heavy violence that only a sadist would fap to. He whimpered as he turned to see Darth Frosty pointing one of his branches to him. "You... did... this..." He spoke in a dying gasp. "NIGHTMARES!!!" Deadpool screamed, waking up with a Darth Vader helmet on. He was in bed with Luna, who groggily woke up, dressed up like Princess Leia in her slave outfit. "What's wrong, Wade?" She asked. "... I just had a nightmare... where I caused the apocalypse... all because I put the helmet of Darth Vader over a snowman's head." "That's... weird." "Tell me about it! But I guess this is what I get for having a Star Wars Marathon almost non-stop with only blue milk to drink." "That, and you thought the CGI Leia looked good." "IT WAS MY FIRST TIME SEEING IT!!! Besides, at least there's no Jar-Jar around." The blanket unfolded and the Gungan walked out. "Me-sa disagrees." He spoke. "WHAT THE FU-!?" Author's Note Happy May 4th! And I saw that I have 666 likes... guess this fic is now Satanic, eh? Hoping to see the next Star Wars this year. See you all later!
Late Mothers Day. Pony # 186 & 187: Windy Whistles and Bo-Hot Hoof."Are ya'll sure about this?" Applebloom asked. "It worked with Scootaloo, but ya'll are bigger than her." Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo all stood around the makeshift slingshot they used to launch their pegasus member into the sky with. Deadpool was dressed up as Evel Knievel, with only a helmet on his head, and used a different scooter. "Hey, if I get seriously injured, then this is my own fault." Deadpool replied, adjusting his helmet. "Besides, I can't wait to meet Rainbow Dash's parents!" "You could've joined me earlier." Scootaloo replied. "True, but that would ruin the episode." He pulled one of his katanas out and aimed it to the city of Cloudsdale. "To CLOUDSDALE!!!" "... If you say so." Sweetie Belle spoke, knocking the end rope back. THWACK!!! Deadpool's ass stung as the rope snapped on his butt cheeks, and was fired into the sky with the makeshift ramp. "MY AAAAASSSSS!!!" He screamed as he was fired into the air with the chorus of a famous Aeroshith song playing as he was in the air. ♬Don't wanna close my eyes I don't wanna fall asleep Cause I'd miss you babe And I don't wanna miss a thing Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream will never do I'd still miss you babe And I don't wanna miss a thing♬ "Thanks for the song!" Deadpool spoke as he was just a few feet from the bottom of the clouds. Hold on... can't only pegasus ponies walk on clouds? "... Oh s**t." BRACE YOURSELVES!!! "Mom!" Rainbow Dash blushed as she was presented with more fan mails her parents wrote for her. "Why do you take all this time to write to me?" "Because you're our wittle Dashie." The bulky, purple stallion with a shorter rainbow mane & tail, and green button up shirt spoke in a cooing way. "And there's nothing that can replace you." "Dad!" "Oh, but you'll love this," the cyan mare with the red & pale yellow, bowl cut mane & tail added, bringing in a large sandwich. "... Mom... is that-?" "A pasta and potato sandwichin between sourdough? Yep! I know how much you LOVE your carbs!" "Aww... thanks mom... I was feeling hungry and-" They stopped as they heard something falling. "RACIST MIDDLE EASTERN JOKE!!!" Deadpool yelled, crashing through the roof, holding some rather crappy, lit fireworks that barely did anything but make a few sparks and puffs of smoke. Rainbow Dash's cheeks bluhed even more red. "Oh no!" "Uh... who's this?" Her dad asked. Deadpool pulled his face out before standing back up. "Are you Mr. Bo-Hot Hoof and Mrs. Windy whistles?" He asked in a gentleman-like voice. "Uh... yes, that's us." Rainbow's mom replied. "Are you a friend of our Rainbow Dash?" "You bet!" He slid back and took a seat. "Name's Wade Wilson, better know on the surface as 'Deadpool', and might I say, it is such a privilege to meet the ever loving, supportive parents of the fastest flier in Equestria!" "Oh... uh... thanks?" Bo-Hot added, blushing himself. "We tried our best to make our little Dashie the best she can be! And it's paid off so much!" "How did you two meet each other?" Windy asked "She thought I was some sort of season premiere or finale villain planning to take over the world," Deadpool answered nonchalantly "she she beat the s**t outta me, and killed me." They stared at him awkwardly, then to Dash. Rainbow smiled awkwardly, sweating a bit, trotted to Deadpool, and turned serious. "Deadpool." She spoke through shut teeth. "This is NOT the best time for this! I'm TRYING to spend some time with my family!" "And you are!" He pulled out Scootaloo's scrapbook. "But boy, you were quite the adorable wittle fiwwy you were!" He pointed to a baby dash picture, who had a much more different looking mane with a single tooth. "D'aww!!! You had your daddy's manestyle! That's so sweet!" Rainbow Dash shook in anger. "Oh, she was," Bo-Hot added. "She changed it so it can be more 'aerodynamic'." "But our wittle Dashie really wanted shade over her eyes so she could take her naps better." Windy added. Rainbow turned red. "I can see that." Deadpool replied. "But did you find her in some are and she was like 'I'm Wainbow Dash! Mowe Appwe cidah'?" "She did say that!" They both spoke in unison. Rainbow began to steam wildly. She was triggered. In a blur, she tackled Deadpool, making a large hole in her parent's wall. The two landed on the floor below, but Deadpool teleported before he could hit the ground. "Ok, I know it's 2017... or whatever year people are reading this on, but I gotta do this! SANS THEME, GO!!!" Rainbow landed a few feet from Deadpool, snorting loudly. "Alright! I've had enough of you!" She shouted in pure anger. "All I wanted was to have some peace with my family, but YOU came along!" "Oh, Dashie," Deadpool replied "I thought you always wanted the attention. Afterall, from the wise words of Jake the Dog from Adventure time; Sucking at something is the first step to being sorta good at something." "STAY AWAY FROM MY LIFE!!!" Rainbow flew towards Deadpool, throwing a left hook. Deadpool blocked it. "What the-!?" "Never underestimate your opponent." "RAHHH!!!" Rainbow proceeded to throw many punches to Deadpool in super fast, Dragon Ball Z levels of speed, but Deadpool continued to block her attacks. The two were at it so fast, to the naked eye, they were both just blurs of red and blue! Deadpool ducked and slid across the floor, tripping the mare before standing back up. "Do you want to have a bad time?" "You're gonna have a bad time!" "Nope! Woop woop woop!" He ran away. "HEY! GET BACK HERE!!!" She chased after him. Throughout Ponyville, the two were nothing more but blurs of red & black and rainbows, clashing into each other, causing many large explosions of light upon impact. It wasn't until they literally clashed heads upon each other did everyone in town see who were fighting. "You may know everything I'm going to do! But that's not gonna happen since I know everything you're going to do! STRANGE, ISN'T IT!?!?!?" "SHUT UP!!!" The two kept pushing each other... until Luna came in. "Cease, now!!!" She shouted in her canterlot voice, blowing Rainbow and Deadpool away. The merc had a smirk across his face. "I win." He bloated. Luna zapped him.... and his tablet with the newest Samurai Jack on. ♬I'm sick of doing things for you I ain't your mama! ♬ "I was watching that!" Deadpool yelled ♬Poor you I ain't your mama! ♬ "What is your problem?" "Boy I ain't your mama." Luna replied ♬But what the hell do you expect when you only date your Young backup dancers? I am barely legal You're a cougar! You're a million years old! ♬ ♬It's true I like my men Extremely young The sexy dancer type Who's dumb and hung But my relationships all fail Time and again Cos I'm more than twice as Old as my men They're all spoiled From my money They make me cook They make me clean I'm like their slave ♬ ♬Girl stop acting Like you do not have maids and cooks that you pay Drop this dumb charade! Hey! ♬ Luna walked away to Big Macintosh. ♬All men lack maturity ♬ She took his apple. "Woah I was eating!" He shouted ♬Want no responsibilities ♬ He threw a quill at the Quills and Sofas guy, where it stuck out of his forehead with a small fountain of blood pouring. "Ouch I am bleeding!" He spoke, running off ♬I love this feeling ♬ She pushed Bob's computer as he tried to finish his chat with his mom online. "Hey you broke my PC!" He shouted. Luna walked to Night Glider with Party Favor ♬Is he your fiance? You should leave him You ain't his mama ♬ She pushed Party Favor to the side. "Why would you say that?" He asked with some tears ♬Cause all men act like kids Dump his lame ass! ♬ "She's right take back your ring!" Night Glider added, throwing a ring at Feather Bangs. Luna stood in front of a camera while dressed up as Hitlery Clinton. "Ladies you don't need a man! All men do is mooch off you and expect you to cook and clean and do their laundry, like you're their mama. Well that stops now! Walk up to your husband or boyfriend, tell that lazy a**hole 'I ain't your mama' and dump his ass!" "I ain't your mama!" Mrs. Cake yelled, slapping Mr. Cake across his face. "I ain't your f**king mama!" Twilight Velvet yelled at her husband as she got up and walked from their picnic. "I AIN'T YOUR MAMA YOU GREEDY PIG!!!" Cadence yelled as Shining rocked their baby to sleep. "I ain't your mama, and I want a divorce, you old sack of s**t!" Granny Smith yelled to Apple Stroodle, who already baked a delicious looking Apple pie for her. Soarin and Deadpool sat near a table together. "What's with our girls?" Soarin asked "They don't like us." Deadpool answered. "Due to Mooncheeks' midlife crisis. "They've been brainwashed by her huge butt!" Rainbow Dash and Applejack stood near their table. ♬We're too good to be Your loser's mommies We're finally free B***h!!!♬ They flipped their table before running out, where Luna, and every single mare made in this fic so far danced together as one. ♬Lunahas set all women free She is our hero Men are things we do not need Cos they're all zeroes! ♬ Twilight Sparkle ran to the front. ♬Wait I just thought of One potential problem What we do for sex Without our men? ♬ "Oh that's no problem." Luna replied, making out with Twilight quickly before singing and dancing. ♬We have each other And we can all be lesbian lovers Let's all start scissoring! ♬ Deadpool and every stallion in this fic all sat together, playing videogames, giving each other massages, and drank beer. The merc's phone rang. "Oh, you gotta be kidding me." Deadpool scoffed as he answered the phone. "Yellow?" "Hey," Luna spoke on the other line with the other mares next to her. "I messed up, REALLY bad! Seems every stallion in the world thinks they're gay because of my stupid song." "I know, and it's F**KING AWESOME!!! No more nagging women, constant beer, videogames, spoats, and SEX!!! We're shooting man tears as it's a sprinkler system here, and there's no one saying 'Clean that up!'" "No, babe! We really, REALLY want you guys back! We don't even know hot to scissor each other!" "... B***h... I ain't your daddy." The morale of the story is this: Don't be a blind feminist! Treat each other with respect. Don't make the other act like 2nd class citizens. Ooh! Can we also do one for racism and tell people to not hate white people!? I think Chubbs has that handled. Author's Note VERY late Mother's Day special... sorry. ░░░░░█████████████░░░░░ ░░░░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░█░░░░ ░░░█░░░░░░░░░░▄▄▄░░█░░░ ░░░█░░▄▄▄░░▄░░███░░█░░░ ░░░▄█░▄░░░▀▀▀░░░▄░█▄░░░ ░░░█░░▀█▀█▀█▀█▀█▀░░█░░░ ░░░▄██▄▄▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▄▄██▄░░░ ░▄█░█▀▀█▀▀▀█▀▀▀█▀▀█░█▄░ ▄▀░▄▄▀▄▄▀▀▀▄▀▀▀▄▄▀▄▄░▀▄ █░░░░▀▄░█▄░░░▄█░▄▀░░░░█ ░▀▄▄░█░░█▄▄▄▄▄█░░█░▄▄▀░ ░░░▀██▄▄███████▄▄██▀░░░ ░░░████████▀████████░░░ ░░▄▄█▀▀▀▀█░░░█▀▀▀▀█▄▄░░ ░░▀▄▄▄▄▄▀▀░░░▀▀▄▄▄▄▄ But, to stay relevant... "I'm Marry Poppins, ya'll!"
Sisterly rivals. Pony #188: Day BreakerAfter that weird debacle that happened with every mare, going back to their husband and boyfriends, everything seemingly went back to normal... except that the day became the hottest day known to Equestria Kind. And not just in the hot day we Arizonians face everyday where we escape to our homes and turn up the AC to max, I mean the day was literally so hot, many of the trees bursted into flames and objects began to melt! Most thought Celestia was pulling a weird prank by pulling the sun towards them, but not only was Celestia unwilling to do something like that for a laugh, but the sun didn't move close to Equestria. Instead, they only saw a silhouette escape from the sun and heading towards them... right where Deadpool rested with a Ryan Reynalds blow up doll. "HEY!!! Everyone has their preferences!" He yelled. You might want to look up. "Look up?" He looked up, only to be meet with someone crashing onto him, causing yet, another explosion. The figure was a badass/edgy looking alicorn that resembled Celestia in many ways. Her coat was white, but it had a yellow tint to it, with a mane & tail made of yellow fire, very sharp looking wings, and wore battle-ready armor. Ooh! Day Breaker!!! How is she here? "SISTER!!!" The voice of Nightmare Moon shouted as she flapped her wings, a few feet away from the Celestia's alternate self. "You!" She hissed. "I thought I destroyed you after that battle!" "You're wrong about that! Now it is I who will rule ALL of Equestria!" "BAH!!! You're too weak to rule it all! I will succeed again, and this time, I'll-" "Boo! Get on with it!" Deadpool spoke. The two evil sisters turned to see Deadpool on the side eating popcorn. "And don't make it another f**king tie like these VS movies! I want to be happy and disappointed at the same time!... Like the last episode of Samurai Jack!" The two looked at each other, then back to Deadpool in confusion. "... Does he seriously want us to fight?" Day Breaker asked. Deadpool appeared before them. "Duh! Who wouldn't want to see two evil beings fight each other to the death and see who's the champion! It'll be a better Alien vs.Predator without the weird time convulsion that Alien Covenant brought!" PREDATORS ARE CANON!!! WE SAX A XENOMORPH SKULL IN PREDATOR 2!!! They should've just left the Xenomorph origins a secret... it's quite disappointing, and VERY stupid, if the latest movie is true The 2 gave more confused looks. "... Truce?" Nightmare Moon asked. "Truce." Day Breaker nodded. They turned to Deadpool and their horns glowed. "Any last requests!?" Deadpool stared, but smiled. "A musical, please!" "... What?" Day Breaker asked. Deadpool, in a blank of an eye, had the 2 wear suits with flat straw hats. He pulled out various instruments to make himself a one-man-band. "If you need to, summon midget versions on yourself to help." The 2 alicorns blinked. "... As soon as this is finished, I'm going to embarrass you with that outfit." Nightmare Moon warned. "HA! Like you can talk to anypony without crying!" Day Breaker scoffed. Deadpool played the instruments, making a familiar character song that most of you have forgotten. (But remember after watching Batman and Robin) Nightmare Moon pushed Day Breaker out of the literal spotlight that came out of nowhere and began to sing. ♬I'm Ms. Midnight moon I'm Ms. Night. I'm Ms. Nightmare I'm Ms. Dark below They call me Nightmare moon Whatever I touch Turns to shade in my clutch! I'm too much!♬ Her horn glowed and six, smaller, and a bit more adorable, versions of herself appeared, all wearing her clothes. They walked and danced around her as they sang the chorus. ♬She's miss Midnight Moon She's miss Night She's miss Nightmare She's miss Dark Below♬ ♬They call me Nightmare Moon Whatever I touch Turns to shade in my clutch! I'm too much♬ Nightmare Moon walked over to a chart that showed her sitting on the throne with a moon in the background. ♬I never wanna any sign of day Or even some light degree! I'd rather have it dim, frizzle, or dark! Only I can see!♬ The mini-moons picked her up and rested her on their backs as they lead her to a makeshift throne. ♬She's miss Mighnight Moon She's miss Night She's miss Nightmare She's miss Bark below.♬ Nightmare Moon took her seat, looking rather seductive the way she sat. ♬They call me Nightmare Moon Whatever I touch Turns to shade in my clutch! I'm too much!♬ She cackled as Deadpool played a piano nearby, wearing a black version of his suit. However, Day Breaker glared at him as her horn glowed. Another 6, smaller, more adorable versions of herself came out, throwing Nightmare Moon off the throne and seeting Daybreaker on it, who smugged as it bursted into flames. She got up and danced to her own intro. ♬I'm Ms. green house gas I'm Ms. Sun. I'm Ms. Heat Blister I'm Ms. One Hundred and one They call me Day Breaker Whatever I touch Starts to melt in my clutch. I'm too much!♬ Her versions danced similar to Night Mare Moon's version, except they walked the opposite way. ♬She's miss Day Breaker She's miss sun She's miss heat blister She's mister hundred and one♬ ♬They call me Day Breaker Whatever I touch Starts to melt in my clutch.♬ ♬She's too much♬ She slid to chartbook and showed each picture, before promptly burning them to ash with each flip. ♬I never wanna know a day That's under 60 degrees. I'd rather have it 80, 90, 100 degrees!♬ Her mini-versions brought in various spicy pepper, where she ate with no troubple at all. ♬She's miss Day Breaker She's miss sun She's miss heat blister She's mister hundred and one♬ ♬They call me Day Breaker Whatever I touch Starts to melt in my clutch. I'm too much♬ Nightmare Moon got up into Day Breaker's personal space and tried to push her sister out. Unfortunately, Day Breaker stood her ground and pushed right back. The two sucked with each other in the middle of the spotlight. Day Breaker smiled as she began to mock her sister. ♬She's Ms. Midnight moon She's Ms. Night. She's Ms. Nightmare She's Ms. Dark below They call her Nightmare moon Whatever she'll touch Turns to shade in their clutch! They're too much!♬ Nightmare Moon gasped, growled, and stood in front of her sister, proceeding to mock her in return ♬She's Ms. green house gas She's Ms. Sun. She's Ms. Heat Blister She's Ms. One Hundred and one They call her Day Breaker Whatever she'll touch Starts to melt in their clutch. She's too much!♬ The two knocked their heads together, which was followed by their mini versions also locking heads with each other. ♬She's too much!♬ ♬WE'RE TOO MUCH!!!♬ The two groups got into a fight with each other, making a classic cartoon dust cloud to block all the violence. It stopped as it showed Day Breaker giving Nightmare Moon a noogie. More fighting, then it showed Nightmare Moon giving Day Breaker a wet willie. Another stop at fighting, and the two gave each other multiple slaps to each other's face. Deadpool snickered away, as his job as the instigator had worked. Author's Note
Another Waifu thief. Pony # 189-195: Feather Bangs, his mates, and those 3 mares.Deadpool strummed his acoustic guitar, making a beat in the home of the Justin Beiber looking pony, Feather Bangs, with, conveniently, his friends and lovers. "♬This is a song that I wrote about how I fell♬" Sugar Belle popped out of his covers. ♬Yeah that’s right it’s me, it’s Sugar Belle♬ ♬Even though we broke up I still want her to dwell.♬ "No!" ♬Then why the hell are you still here in my bed?♬ "Good question!" ♬This sounds just like an Ed Neighran song Cos I’m too busy apologizing to write songs alone so called this red-suit weirdo Cos he knows how to write a hit Even though he looks like a testicle and Rupert Grint Hooked up and a had a kid♬ ♬Feather said, "Wade, let’s write a tune it will be fun" And I knew if it was a hit I’d make a ton So even though he’s kind of a d****e I wrote him this pretty song but he’s so dumb He got the meaning of it wrong♬ ♬What do you mean? I know what it’s about It’s about learning how to love yourself Because sometimes You can’t Convince your ex to bone you So you have to love yourself.♬ Deadpool, Feather's friends and lovers followed the stallion into his living room as he pulled some lube from the counter. ♬I need to find myself some privacy Cos I can’t wait to get back to loving me♬ "Are you serious!?" Deadpool asked ♬Dude the lyric ‘Love yourself’ doesn’t mean masturbate♬ "Ai yi yi!" The Sugar-Coat looking pegasus mare yelled. "Feather Bangs!" "Oh my Gosh, it’s one the maids!" He panicked a bit as Deadpool activated a censor bar to keep this Teen and not Mature (much to his disliking) ♬Guess I better put my dong away Now my maid is traumatized so I better give her a small tip♬ "I already got it." She replied in disgust, turning and walking out. ♬Great, now all of my lotions’ gone And my hoof's dry so I need something to rub my guy with Hey I’ll check the kitchen♬ "If you’re coming in here, you better not be rude." Sugar Belle spoke with a roll in her eyes. "I’m just looking for something I can use as lube." He replied. "Feather, that’s not what this song’s about!" Deadpool shouted. "By the way why are you still here in my house?" "Good question!" Sugar Belle answered and marched right out. "Listen see, this song is about-" Deadpool spoke before being pushed out of the way by the Elsa-looking unicorn and the Belle-looking mare." ♬We're sorry that she screamed but we haven't changed our minds Mister Feather, show us your ding-a-ling!♬ The two got to their knees and touched where his junk should be. "What the-!?" Coming in was his friends. ♬Feather, surprise it’s us You’re friends, we need more money- Damn what do you feed that thing!?♬ "Guys, please stop staring at my guy and balls." Feather blushed. "It’s not fair yours is so big, ours are so small." The three guys spoke in unison. "Guys, that’s really weird." "Aren’t you kind of scared of that thing?" "No not at all" The unicorn mare spoke in a rather disappointed tone before walking out. "Oh my gosh! I think I finally understand this song." Feather walked to a mirror with his own reflection, followed by the single mare and his friends. ♬Mister Feather, you can make love with me Cos then you will not have to love yourself♬ As the mare cuddled with Feather, Deadpool, still on the guitar, stood back up. ♬This moron still does not understand this song’s lyrics Argh I want to kill myself!♬ "Feather, I’ve decided we should get back together I love you and no one else." Sugar Belle spoke, popping out of nowhere "Sugar, you’re a witch and I found someone better so you can live with yourself." Feather replied before turning back to his reflection. "I finally understand the true meaning of this song: It means you should fall in love with yourself, and in term, be sexually aroused by your own reflection. Hey, yo, guys!?" "Yeah?" The three guys replied. "Hand me your lube!" "Heck ya! I’ma be here for a while." "I'm not gonna watch." The last mare huffed, annoyed, and walked right out. "God damn it! No, that’s not what this is about, Feather! I can’t take this anymore! You know what this song is not even about Sugar Belle! I’m going back to Luna!" He stomped right out as he heard only squeaking noises with Feather's own gasps on repeat. However, he stopped as he saw the three mares looking rather sad that their waifu wasn't anything like they dreamed about. Deadpool, however, smiled, and walked to them. "You know... I take note of ALL of my adoring fans." They fainted in love, indicated by the hearts and doves flying... before pooping all over Deadpool. "Really!?" Author's Note I was going to have a Gaston parody, but I'm rather busy with bills and work. Sorry. But, enjoy!
(づ ◉ ͜ʖ ◉ )づ Pony # 196, 197, 198, and 199: Lily Lace, Star Streak, Inky Rose, and Strawberry Sunrise (づ ◉ ͜ʖ ◉ )づ Pony # 196, 197, 198, and 199: Lily Lace, Star Streak, Inky Rose, and Strawberry Sunrise In Rarity's Boutique, the fancy marshmallow mare, examined the various dresses her three main designers. They were, as you read from the chapter title, a very light cream unicorn mare with a long silver mane & tail in a blue see-through dress, a very flamboyant stallion with a mane that looked like a nautilus got freaky with some red vines, and a very goth looking pegasus mare that would make many Teen Titans fans cheer as she reminded them of Raven... only to cry when I mention Teen Titans Go!. But, anyways, all three made their costume, when they heard a tune of some sort. The clapping came as knocks on the door before it came crashing down. Deadpool entered, wearing a Nazi outfit with plenty of Schnitzels, Bratwursts, Pretzels, and Bier. He danced away, presumably drunk, with Rarity and the others staring. "I say," the stallion spoke "is this the current trend that's happening? I doubt the... Germane look is going to last well." "Du schlief die S*****e, schwuler Herr!" Deadpool yelled in German, unaware that I know how to use Google Translate and censor his swear word. "Verdammt!" "This is, like, totally noisy." The unicorn spoke the way basic white chicks do. "Is he, like, this loud?" "You'd be surprised." Rarity huffed. "I like his outfit." The Goth Pegasus just spoke. They turned to her with a strange look. "It's black." Deadpool placed a matching officer's hat on her head. "Begleiten Sie mich, wie wir unseren Herrn und Erlöser loben, Trumpler!" He pulled out an Oompa Loompa toy with yellow hair and a black, Toothbrush mustache. "... Sure." Rarity walked in between the two. "Now, now, we don't want to get too distracted, do we?" She spoke before turning to Wade. "I'm sorry, Deadpool, but we're in the middle of another fashion contest, one that's a lot more fair and not as... rude as Applejack's." "Fashion!?" Deadpool asked, taking his 3rd Reich outfit off. "Count me in!" "...You want to participate?" "Well of course! Ever since I was young, I've always wanted to explore beauty in my own way." You wanted to be a T-Rex during High School. And we do experience beauty: Through violence! Like Samurai Jack! "Uh... well..." Rarity began. "I guess the more the merrier... but-" "I got this sweet Heavy metal Soundtrack for you." He pulled out a record. "... Deal!" Rarity took the record with her magic and ran to her room, giggling like a filly as the heavy metal played loudly, but muffled. Deadpool turned to the three competitors. "I can already tell that I'm gonna win." "Yeah right!" Star Streak snorted. "You don't even have any sketches re-" He was cut off as a large sketchbook face planted him. Deadpool opened it and looked through his various sketches, most of them were different sex positions he'd since mastered. The two mares saw some of his sketches. "Wow, these are like, so totally gross!" Lily Lace spoke as she pulled out a cup of Starbucks coffee. Inky didn't say anything, but blushed as her wings popped out with a loud 'Poomf!'. Deadpool took his sketchbook off of the stallion, cracking his knuckles as readied himself. "Let's do this!" He spoke to himself. Rarity sat next to Starlight Glimmer, who agreed to do this as a way to see some fashion, and Strawberry Sunrise, the yellow pegasus mare with a red mane similar to Carrot Top/Golden Harvet's mane... hopefully, no one thinks they're twins. The music began... and it was weird. "Up front! We have Lily Lace!" Rarity announced. One of the first 3 ponies to show off their dress came out with a swan inspired costume. "Ooh! I like the feathers!" Starlight spoke. "Honk for us!" Starberry shouted before munching on another strawberry. The next pony came out wearing an elegant looking outfit. "Very nice! Very Canterlot-like." "Is she gonna get kidnapped like the princesses? I hope so." The final one wore a nearly invisible dress with slight hues of blue in it. "Looks like the sky. Very nice." "About as dense too... like her mind." Starlight just turned to Strawberry with a offended look. "Next! Star Streak!" Rarity announced. Another three. The first had a plaid looking outfit. "I like the patterns." Starlight commented. "Plaid? More like Plain." Starberry spoke. The 2nd one looked like they were made of crystals. "Very cool! Like the locals as the crystal Empire?" "Hope they're not as fragile as they look." The last one looked very wavy, similar to that of water. "I'm feeling rather cool with this." "I want it boiling away." "Inky Rose!" Rarity continued. The first wore a simple black turtle neck. "Huh... seems simple, but elegant." Starlight commented. "Like a corpse?" Strawberry asked. Another one came out, wearing a skirt that seemed to be made out of webs. "Ooh! Freaky." "It must be really dusty down there." The last one wore a trenchcoat. "Very mysterious." "I wouldn't be surprised if he flashed-" "Finally! Deadpool!" Rarity finished. The first pony simply wore an outfit made entirely out of strawberries. "Uh... strawberries?" Starlight asked, rather confused. She expected Strawberry Sunrise to make another roast... only to see her slightly drooling with an open mouth. The 2nd pony wore clothes that looked like a strawberry. "Huh... I guess that's neat." Strawberry Sunrise drooled harder with some slight stammering and a few twitches in her left eye. The last pony just wore a strawberry costume. "... Really?" Strawberry Sunrise drooled a waterfall and began to foam at the mouth. "Well, these were some interesting fashion choices," Rarity spoke. "But only one can be the champion. Judges? Who do you think-?" She was knocked out of the way as Strawberry Sunrise tackled the ponies in Deadpool's costumes. "THEY WIN!!! NO DOUBT!!! THEY WIN IT ALL!!! GIVE ME MY STRAWBERRIES!!!" Deadpool knocked her in the back of the head with a frying pan. The mare fell to the floor, unconscious, but not without leaving a few psychological scars on the models. "Yeah... I guess I'm glad I didn't put strawberries over my balls." He spoke, taking the large strawberry off of his crotch area. "Ooh! I wonder what would happen if she was in the world of Strawberry Shortcake?" Author's Note Ok! We're near the 200 mark! And, I already know who's the 200th pony! ... It's you! If you have any requests on what Deadpool should do, PM me
💯👌😂🔫 Pony #200: YOU!!!You have done it! After sometime of following this fanfic, you were finally going to enter D.i.E.! Sure, you could’ve entered any other fic of your choice, from something much better, or even to those 😘 clop fics you have seen with the Mature ratings on, but this was the best thing that can happen! You were going to meet your , and no one was going to stop you! You stepped through, feeling yourself change, but not painfully. You knew that once you stepped through, you were doing to become a 🐴... perhaps a 🦄? You landed in the world of Equestria, right outside of Ponyville. Everything about you had changed; you looked down to see that you were on all four, and your 👐 and feet have turned into hooves! Looking behind, you saw that, sticking out of your 🔙 was a tail, along with some wings. You 😁 and🏃 ahead, searching to see your idol. Perhaps you were going to 👨🎤👩🎤 together, maybe 🥊 some monster, or just sit down and play some 🎮. Anyway, you were prepared. “🛑!” The familiar voice of Deadpool spoke. “Is that who I think it is?” You turned around 😍 as you were face to face with Deadpool. “Oh? The reader! New to this fic, or have you been around since this was uploaded?” You were 😕, unsure how to answer. “Eh, nevermind. Say, would you like to do something... naughty?” He 😉. You 😱 and screamed aloud. “MY BODY IS READY!!!” You grabbed onto him. He teleported you both away, into a disclosed location. The place looked like an empty apartment with a single bed. You turned around with a 😛. Deadpool slowly pulled down his pants and showed you his 🍆. You stared at with a 🤤. “I don’t know if what gender you are,” he spoke seductively. “But would you like my 🍆 in your ?”👌 “... Yes!” You replied while 😌. You turned around and lifted your tail. You embraced yourself. His 🍆 slowly went up your 👌. You felt 😩. Then you 😓. You then began to 🤔. For some reason, his 🍆 didn’t feel like an 🍆, but it felt more like a 🥒. But, you couldn’t help it anymore: Your 👌 was being penetrated so hard, you can feel a🌊 of Deadpool’s 👶 going into you, and- ] What the-!? Who’s-!?... Pinkie Pie!? What is this!? What the hay are you doing!? Uh... making a new chapter starring the reader with Deadpool. Oh no, I know that, But you’re using Emojis!? Uh... yes... but as a form of censorship. I mean, I’m going back to- Don’t you remember what you said!? ... This was a one time deal. NO!!! Every time you use Emojis, you support the release of the Emoji movie. Well... yes, I said that, but- BUT NOTHING!!! Do we need to rewatch what is about to happen? N-No! Pinkie! Don’t- Please... no more! No more! Need... Wonder Woman... need... Captain Underpants... Need... Coco... must... watch... ponies! Aww, cheer up! With you out of your dad’s house, and having plenty of time to do whatever, you can see ALL the things that will rock this year! Now, if you excuse me. Uh... Pinkie... whay do you have those fidget spin- NOO!!! MY FLOOR!!! PINKIE!!! ... Wait, what’s this? ... ‘The Fidget Spinner movie script’... 🚓🚨🚔 Oh no. 👮 GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR, NOW!!! Officer! Wait! I can explain! 👮 HE’S RESISTING ARREST!!! TAZE HIM!!! No! Wait! That’s not- AHHHH!!! 👮 HE’S GOT A GUN!!! That’s a remote!!! 👮 HE’S GOT A REMOTE!!! AHHHH!!! Author's Note Yeah... this going to be the first and last time I use Emojis for a chapter... Give me the bleach... and Squeeze my wiener!
Mah Cuzin. Ponies 201 & 202: Ma Hooffiield and Big Daddy McColtDeadpool sat in a recliner in his house, bored out of his mind, with only the corpses of the various emjois from last chapter hanging on the walls. He reached over and dialed a number. As it rung on the other side, Wade let out a random burst of laughing, up until the phone was picked up from the other side. Some garbled voice came. "Yes, I can hold." Deadpool replied, lazily laying down on the seat. More voices. "Yes! I would like to place an order for delivery... Deadpool... I think I'm in the computer... YES! That's it! I'd like a large-WHAT!?... Huh?... EXTRA THICC!!! 30 minutes or it's free? EXCELLENT!!!" He cackled away before the other line hung up. He hung the phone himself. Did we really have to make a Samurai Jack joke? Do you see any talking penises? ... Uh... "Enough of that!" Deadpool spoke. "It's time for us to head to the next part of our chapter! And we're going southern." He put on a cowboy hat as well as a pair of overalls. "It's time for us to meet with our cousins! Who can also be our wives." Then he pulled out a Banjo and began to play away as he burst through the wall of his house on a Tractor with his collection of Moonshine (complete with faces of Princess Luna's various emotions) and blasting his shotguns in the air, making everypony run around and make horse noises. Deadpool arrived to the Smokey mountains, right where the animal shelter laid in between the mountains. "Hoo Dawgin'!" Deadpool spoke in a Stereotypical Southern accent. "This must be that ther' place Twi and Fluts went to fer that episode!" Are we really going to use that Souther Accent. What are ya'll? A Yelleh Belleh? "Hoo Dawgin'! A Guest!" A loud woman's voice spoke. "Is that ther moonshine?" Another loud voice, this one, a man, spoke. Deadpool turned to the 2 ponies in questions. The stallion, while short, looked at least normal, but the other one... "... Play it." Deadpool threw the Moonshine at them. "Get back! Get back ugly beasts!" As soon as the last one was thrown, he put on a suit made entirely out of Fidget Spinners. "SPIN!!! SPIN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!" He began to spin in a circle, similar to Crash Bandicoot, with the fidget spinners spinning away. In a few moments, Deadpool flew to the sky, never to be seen once again to the Hooffields and McColts. Author's Note Happy 4th of July, folks. Didn't really know what to do with those 2... only that Ma Hooffield is Ugly AF, and Deadpool would avoid her. The next chapter is going to be rather more calm, actually, and a bit touching. Some jokes, just not every few minutes.
A break from the madness. Pony #203-206: Grand Pear, Burnt Oak, Bright Macintosh, And Pear Butter/Buttercup.The sun began to set in the distance, letting everypony know that the day was about to end and the night was going to begin soon. In Sweet Apple Acres, the apple family was accompanied by some some familiar faces, each having a single tear strolling, though smiling at the same time. They all walked to a spot where the apple farm and the abandoned pear farm meet, vaguely separated by a walkway. "Ah sure do miss ma and pa," Applebloom spoke to her big sister. "Think they're in a better place?" "Ah sure hope so, sugarcube." Applejack answered to her little sister. "Hard to believe today is their anniversary." "Eeyup." Big Mac simply said, turning to his father's best friend, Burnt Oak, seeing the brave face he's putting up. He turned to Mrs. Cake, seeing his mother's best friend put on the equally same face, perhaps wishing they were still around. Following behind them was Mayor Mare, the pony who wedded their parents, their grandfather, Grand pear, and Granny Smith. It seemed this was going to be a bittersweet reunion, as they went to the place where their parents wedded, which had itself an intertwined Apple and Pear tree, making a heart at their top. The sight itself was something to behold, even if it is the only thing the two left behind, excluding their three children. However, they stopped as they saw Deadpool near the tree, placing something at the base of the roots of the intertwining trees. It was enough to make Applejack run to Deadpool with fury. "Just in tarnation are ya'll doing here!? This is not a place for you to be messing around with yer shenanigans, or whatever are ya'll thinking is a good-" She paused as Deadpool stepped aside. He simply place two tombstones next to each other, both interconnected by some twigs, with the left having an apple and the other a pear. R.I.P. Bright Mac. A Good Father. R.I.P. Pear Butter. A Loving Mother. Applejack stuttered at the sight. Applebloom approached to the masked mercenary. "D-did you know our parents?" She asked. "... Not personally." Deadpool answered, leaning down to the filly. "But I've heard much about them. Two housholds, both alike in dignity, and from faith itself, a pair of star-crossed lovers do anything to be with each other. Their love burned with a great passion, each willing to break a few rules just to be with each other." He teared up underneath his mask. "And... when the time came... one of them was abandoned by their own family... who's now regretted his own decision." He turned to Grand Pear, who looked guilty. "... You f**ked up... but... you're trying to make it up... something I have to give proper respect to, Mr. Shatner." "Uh... thanks?" The old pony said with a bit of confusion. Deadpool turned to the graves. "It's a shame, really... they were probably the best parents anyone can ask for." "Yeah... they were." Applebloom spoke, getting some vague memories back when she was really little. "Yeah... I kinda want to, but I don't think I should." "... What?" "... Go back in time... and save your parents." "Wha-? Do it! Please! Ah wanna see my parents again!" Applejack dragged Applebloom away. "Hold on, Sugarcube," She spoke "Ah think Deadpool may have a point here... surprisingly." "What!?" "Yeah," Deadpool spoke. "I fear if I did, then something worse is going to happen. If there's two things I know, it's that time travel is very fragile, and that I'll get distracted unless someone like Cable arrives... so don't be surprised when I do something like Cheap Cheap Cooking from Parrapa the Rapper." "... huh?" "Something only Old school gamers will understand. But, I'm not really here to crack jokes, I'm here to give my respect to these two lovebirds... without Pressing F or X." All he did was pull out a chair and an acoustic guitar. He tuned the guitar and cleared his throat before playing a song that made Star-Lord sense a disturbance in the force. ♬It's not time to make a change Just relax, take it easy You're still young, that's your fault There's so much you have to know Find a girl, settle down If you want you can marry Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy To be calm when you've found something going on But take your time, think a lot Why, think of everything you've got For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not♬ The Apples, and their guests, sat down, mesmerized by the song ♬How can I try to explain, cause when I do he turns away again It's always been the same, same old story From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away I know I have to go♬ "This... they would be proud to hear this." Burnt Oak simply spoke, wiping a tear away. "Hard to think how we're connected by this couple." Mayor Mare added, trying to keep a professional look. "...Friendship really is magic." Mrs. Cake finished. ♬It's not time to make a change Just sit down, take it slowly You're still young, that's your fault There's so much you have to go through Find a girl, settle down If you want you can marry Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it If they were right, I'd agree, but it's them they know not me Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away I know I have to go.♬ Deadpool finished. He just stood up and bowed. "Thank you for listening." He simply spoke, turning and walking away from the sight. That... I thought we were going to do something exciting. Like what? What would be exciting that wouldn't offend the Apples and their closest friends? ... Ghostbusters? "Ok! That's too far!" Deadpool yelled to himself. Author's Note Best Cannon couple.
Another conspiracy. Ponies 207-210: Dr. Fauna, Wrangler, Hard Hat, Dandy Grandeur ... and that giraffeTo put off his wait for Watchmojo's inevitable Top 10 Sexiest Emojis, followed by top 10 Sexiest letters of the Alphabet (which he hoped #1 is S for it's curves), Deadpool decided to check out the Sweet Feathers Sanctuary Fluttershy... with Wrangler, Hard Hat, and Dandy Grandeur. "Let us go this instant, you ruffian!" Dandy ordered. "I'll have you know that my security will be after you!" "Hey, buddy!" Hard Hat barked. "Don't make me get the boys on you!" "I'm not gonna repeat mahself!" Wrangler spoke. "If ya'll don't let me go, then I'm gonna show you what it means to be bucked by the horse!" "Yeah, yeah, shut up." Deadpool nonchalantly replied, throwing them all on the side to see the sanctuary. "See what could've happened? Something as beautiful as this could've been made, but NO, you don't go with Fluttershy's idea! You just want to do things traditionally!" In retrospect, Fluttershy should've been more organized and have a more clear idea to show. Shut the f**k up! The episode says she's innocent, so she's innocent! They all looked at the sanctuary. "... Why didn't she show us a model of this?" Hard Hat asked. "I couldn't tell with those twigs." "Agreed." The other 2 added. "D'oh!" Deadpool yelled, facepalming himself... right before falling over a cliff and rolling down the hill, landing next to Dr. Fauna, who was checking on the giraffe. "Oh, why hello there, good sir." She greeted kindly. "Here to see the animals?" Deadpool lifted his head. "That, and to show the 3 stooges of what could've been, though they seem to agree that Fluttershy didn't had a proper vision to show them." "... ok, not gonna ask." "So, whatcha doing?" "Just checking on Clementine. She's had a bad case of a flue." She turned to Deadpool who was dressed up as Lee from The Walking Dead. "... Uh..." "I know, the feels have returned from everyone who played that. But..." He turned to Clementine. "Clementine! Please! Speak up!" The giraffe gave a confused look. "Uh... sir? Clementine's a giraffe. Giraffe's can't-" "She's an equine! And from what we've seen, Equines can speak; Ponies, Donkeys, Zebras, Changelings, anything that's part equine can speak!" He turned back to Clementine, squishing her cheeks together while bringing her head to his. "Please! Speak to us!" Clementine looked both ways before letting out a sigh. "Alright, you got me." She spoke in a rather... sultry voice. "WHAT!?!?!?" Dr. Fauna yelled. "A-HA!!! I F***ING KNEW IT!!!" Deadpool boasted. "Look, it's not that simple." Clementine spoke up. "In my home, the Zebras have taken over my kind's secret kingdom. We were a proud kingdom, unheard of from any other race, for better and, in this case, for worst. The Zebras found us and, being threatened by our height, declared war on us and attacked our home. Our necks prove to be our biggest weakness, as they were quick to enslave us. While a good number of us escaped, we didn't know who to trust, so, we acted like animals, being quiet from everything around us, especially to you ponies. Seems you're the only one to get passed my charade, Mr..." She paused as Deadpool snored away. "Oh great." She turned to Dr. Fauna, who still looked shock. "Look, thanks for the help Dr. Fauna, and I'm sorry, but with this long neck, how am I supposed to do anything?" She turned and trotted away. Dr. Fauna fell to the floor, passing out. Deadpool teleported and rode on Clementine's back. "Hi ho! Clemmy, away!" "Hey! Get off!" She spoke, trying to buck Deadpool off, only for the merc to grab onto his neck. "Listen, I'm no expert, but I know someone who you can talk to that, if done well, can lead your kind to be free and equals to the zebras." "... I'm listening." "NO! NONONONONO!!!" Clementine pleaded as Deadpool, with a leash, dragged her to Zecora's hut. "Anything but that! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!" "Oh quit your whining!" Deadpool replied. "Zecroa isn't that bad, and I think I know why." "How can you tell!?" "Fan theory time!!! Zecora left her kingdom because of the poor treatment of the giraffes, wanting to get away from the torture that was happening, so she sailed across the land to find Equestria, where peace and friendship is possible. Of course, the Everfree forest was more or less like home, but she plans to use make a powerful potion that can make the zebras realize what they're doing is wrong and change their ways." "And where did you read this?" Zecora asked, walking to Deadpool. "Tell me, or you're getting a deathwish." "Relax, it's just a theory... A PONY THOERY!!!" "... Is this a giraffe? How is she here, away from her home and a half?" "Ah, yes, Zecora, meet Clementine. Clementine, Zecora." "... Please, don't hurt me." Clementine whimpered. "Hurt you? I have no interest in doing that for you, so blue." "... Really?" "I am not like the others. We do share the same mothers." "Mothers? You mean... oh! The different versions of Faust herself?" Zecora nodded. "Have fun!" Deadpool replied before running off... and getting mauled by a Timberwolf shortly. "AHH!!! SPLINTERS!!!" Author's Note After seeing the various Giraffe artwork (with some OCs), I had to make this a bit of a weird fan theory on why Clementine doesn't speak. Of course, others may say she's a mute, but I think otherwise. Some dark themes in a kid's show...
When Emojis attack.Deadpool sat on the public bench in Ponyville park, laughing his ass off at the Emoji movie. No, not the movie with what has the 'best jokes', no, it's more or less the reviews, fromy YouTuber reviewers like Jeremy Jahns and Christ Stuckmann, to Rotten Tomatoes and Metacritic, all of which made him laugh hard, due to him, and practically everyone else, knowing the idea was stupid and the movie was going to blow. However, just like how most people went to see the movie ironically on purpose, knowing it's going to be bad, Deadpool began to use Emojis up the ass! Almost on every website, Deadpool began to use every single emoji in rapid speeds, it would probably make both Quicksilver and the Flash feel slow. But, as you can suspect, due to the high speeds of Emoji usage, with the heat literally rising, and a storm arriving, something was going to go wrong. As soon as Deadpool clicked on a 'Meh' Emoji, a single bolt of lightning came down and shocked Deadpool. The surge of electricity, added with the heat coming from him & his phone, and the amount of Emoji usage, it blasted the mercenary away and opened a portal to another universe... To Textopilis. "Look! A new home!" Gene yelled, running in. Before Deadpool could do anything, all of the Emojis ran out of their world into Equestria and began to wreck havoc! ... If you count 'Wrecking Havoc' as annoying everyone around them and simultaneously give foals nightmare inducing faces that would make Tom & Jerry: Willie Wonka & The Chocolate Factory jealous. "Look at me! High Five!" High Five spoke, running to Twilight. "I have hooves!" She replied, turning and walking away. "I'm the princess of this land!" Luna spoke while dressed up inconspicuously "Like you are!" Jailbreak replied. "You're probably one of those Edgy girls that rebel against their status quo." "Look at me!" Gene spoke, dancing to the CMC "Join me!" "APPLEJACK!!!" Applebloom screamed, running away. "RARITY!!!" Sweetie Belle followed. "RAINBOW DASH!!!" Scootaloo added, but was just really running after Rainbow Dash, not affected by the Wal-Mart face voiced by Weasel's actor. "...Time for me to dress up as School Shooter Joker." Deadpool spoke, taking his shirt off, showing off his scared & wrinkly torso putting on a black trenchcoat, before pulling out a boombox and cocking a shotgun. Deadpool walked into town bouncing his head to music. As soon as the beat drop, Deadpool fired away, blasting all of the Anthropomorphic emojis, making yellow puddles on their floor with their limbs twitching and whatever's left of their face/head/body as well. This caused all of the Emojis to scream and run for their lives, though Deadpool laughed manically, shooting every Emoji as he bounced to the music. Isn't this going to be a bit racist? How!? They're F**king Emojis! Well, historically speaking, Emojis were made by Shigetaka Kurita, a technician in Japan who wanted to make text messages not feel so dull by adding faces, and- Wait! We're killing Japaneese people because of their yellow skin!? ... Yes... in a way... but- "YOU HAVE THE WORST ANIME EVER!!!" Deadpool interrupted, shoving a needle in Gene of the Emoji movie in his face, causing him to inflate before exploding into yellow goop. This caused Jailbreak and High Five to scream in terror, though the foals cheered as they saw an Emoji die in front of their faces. He turned to the obvious Wild Style knockoff and pointed at her. "YOU!!! PRINCESS FEMINAZI!!!" He tackled her and opened a portal. "Let's see how you enjoy being in a REAL country without Women's rights! Like the Middle East!!!" He threw her, to which she was immediately shot down. To end off the main cast, He knocked High Five onto his palm/face slowly grabbing each finger and snapping each painfully, exposing the bone with his Emoji blood squirting away. As a way to end it's suffereing, Deadpool stabbed High Five the back of his head through the eyes. "Now for the wasted talent." Deadpool quickly threw a knife at Sir Pooptrick Stewart in the side of his head, making the literal pile of crap dizzy. Very quickly, Deadpool dug a grave near the emoji and kicked him into a coffin, where the coffin fell into the hole, and Wade began to bury him alive. Such a shame we had to kill a character performed by Sir Patrick Stewart. Yeah! He went from a great role in Logan to a really crappy role! "Enough with the poop puns!" Deadpool yelled, grabbing Smiler and impaling her with spear. "This is the closest thing people are going to get to have me kill Hilary Clinton!" He then pulled a detonator out and clicked on a button. Alex sat at school, looking at Allie McCallister... until loud moans came from his phone. The class turned to him with mixes of both disgust and laughter. Embarrassed, the boy pulled his phone out, seeing Emoji porn playing with text saying "Get PornHub now and get the Emoji Movie: Porno parody free!". It didn't take long for him to get expelled, but as soon as he left, a new girl from Minnesota entered, who's name was Riley. It didn't take long for the surviving emojis to run back into Deadpool's cellphone, leaving plenty of blank emoji spots. Deadpool picked up his phone. "Time to delete these bastards." He spoke. The Emojis screamed, begging for forgiveness for their God, even with one saying they're the most important way to communicate. "Oh yeah!? I can talk to people normally! EL DELETO GRANDE!!!" The Emojis screamed before being silenced forever. There was no Emojis on his phone anymore, just 10 more Gigabits of memory available and no button on his messenger to lead to Emojis. With a deep sigh, Deadpool laid on the rotting forpse of an emoji and pulled out a blunt, lighting it before smoking in peace. "Fidget Spinners... you're next." Sony looked at Deadpool through their Spider-Man masks, seeing what Deadpool had done. "... Should we produce the fidget spinner movie?" One of the Employees asked. "Probably, but not right now." Another spoke. "Right now, we need to see how we can do Spider-Man: Prom Night." "Or should we try to finish the Popeye movie?" Another asked. "The sales of the Emoji movie aren't doing well, even with the help of that YouTuber, jacksfilms." "Perhaps we should for some credit." The last one spoke. "Then after that, Hotel Transylvania 3." "FINALLY!!!" Genndy Tartakovsky yelled, pulling himself out of fan and hate mail over how he should make Popeye and that he should've made a better ending to Samurai Jack. Author's Note Wreck-it-Ralph: A way to see how Arcade characters are when the arcade closes with a story of how job roles don't define who you are, but how you are when you're off said role. The Lego Movie: A very witty and heart warming movie where it's a tribute to fan-made movies with story taking place in the imagination of a child, who uses the main character as a self insert for himself and his father as the supposed villain. Inside-Out: An imaginative view of how the brain works with it's emotions on how change works and how suppressing certain emotions aren't healthy, but needed. The Emoji Movie: Poop jokes and a sellout to many Apps that are on your phone made by people who don't know how Emojis work. It's basically them 😂🍆💦🍑 😩
For the Critics. Ponies 211 and 212: Toola Roola and Coconut cream.The crowd outside Twilight's castle continued on with their bickering over who was the best character in the friendship journal, mostly around who had the best friendships, who was the funnies, and who contributed the most in said journal. However, unbeknownst to any of them, Deadpool rolled a wagon in behind them. He pulled out a bell and rung it loudly. "BOOKS!!! GET YOUR BOOKS HERE!!!" He announced proudly, holding up his own copies of a Hardcover of Deadpool in Equestria. "Only 30 bits!" "30 bits!?" A nerd pony yelled. "That's cheaper than the friendship journal!" Like the sheep they were, the ponies bought Deadpool's own (sorta) autobiography about his life here in Equestria since November 3, 2014. While Deadpool made a quick killing with his book, (which was somehow sold across Equestria) everypony looked a bit mixed with what they had. "... Oh my... what is this?" A critic pony asked. "Look at all these misspellings! And the grammar! And these exclomation marks! Who adds this much exclamation marks!?" "And the story!" A mare added. "What story!? It's just old, outdated jokes with random song numbers out of nowhere!" "Licensed songs, by the looks of how fast these are updated." "Look at this!" An observer pony spoke. "This has 4 and a half stars by Princess Luna, Celestia, Cadence, and Twilight! This has to be rigged!" "This is so stupid!" Another pony yelled, slamming the book to the floor. "How do books like these get approved and not my son's original tale that explores the perception of good an evil with a knight that learns that the kingdom he lives with evil and his honor is a huge waste!?" The local ponies turned to her. "... I'm just saying, it's much more detailed than whatever this trash has to offer!" The ponies all marched to Deadpool, who counted all his earned bits. He watched the crowd of ponies march to him, each with a displeased look on their face. "No refunds!" He yelled. "We want a better book!" One of the ponies yelled. "One with better writing, better character, and better subplots that don't drop out of nowhere!" "Yeah!" Another added. "Your Selfie side mission dropped faster than the Friendship journal's cleaning Celestia and Luna's old castle!" "Why were they in that castle, recreating it?" A filly asked. "I don't know, reasons." "... So you want my life to be written much better than what you have right now?" Deadpool asked. "YES!!!" They all shouted. "...Fine, let's go with your type of dialogue, Wachowski writer!" The setting was a regular western with Deadpool, dressed up as a cowboy, standing in front of Braeburn, who also looked serious. Both him and Deadpool had revolvers, which were, in this case, waterguns, but still looked a bit real. All around them, the town was empty, with every citizen inside or hiding behind something, not wanting to get in the firefight that's about to happen. A single tumbleweed passed by as the two had their staredown, both sweating hard. A loud 'DONG' came from the local clocktower. Normally, this was the time where Cowboys would say "It's High Noon", Deadpool, however, spoke. "Us Homo Sapiens refer the present passage of continued progress of existence and events that occur in irreversible succession from the pass through the future at twelve o'clock in the afternoon where the sun in which earth revolves around is at its highest elevation in the sky and homo sapiens can usually be seen eating a light meal which is typically eaten after breakfast and before dinner." Braeburn just stared in confusion, no idea why Deadpool just said that. "... It's high noon." He spoke. "Not anymore!" Deadpool pointed to the clock, which read 12:03. "See ya tomorrow!" He walked off. "... What in tarnation!?" "And would you like it if I used that same tactic for classic songs like Smashmouth's Allstar?" Deadpool crashed through the walls of Ms. Cheerilee's school, dressed up as the Ogre, but had on a suit with tophat and monocle. An individual who wished to impart wisdom onto me once said that I am naive and would therefore be tricked and stolen from by many of the inhabitants of the planet known as Earth. I agreed with this Individual and replied with an idiom referring to the sharpest of tools which are kept inside of a small house. I had the Perception that a woman appeared slightly inarticulate due to the manner in which she made gesture utilizing her extended middle finder, extended thumb, and curled up middle ring and pinky fingers in a matter that closely resembles the letter "L" which in the instance of this gesture refers to the word "Loser" which refers to a who is defeated. In conclusion; I am naive, foolish, prone to be swindled and doomed for failure and defeat. "See how fun that wouldn't be!? Even my own writer said f**k writing the rest of that song down in that way! In fact, we shouldn't call this 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'! We should call it 'I am the owner of an undersized Equus Caballas: Also, the positive social interaction with other people is a supernatural phenomenon that can't be explained with science.' Yeah! That's the show! Call it that now, people! Right, Derpy." Derpy stared for a bit, but coughed and spoke. "The events which occurred were unfortunate in nature, the causes of which are due to unforeseen circumstances that I was incapable of predicting. Nonetheless, I believe that I should take a significant brunt of the blame for this fiasco, as a sort of penance for my failure." "... NOT YOU TOO!!!" Deadpool ran away! "We want better everything!" A nerd stallion yelled. "We want something compelling that doesn't tell us to buy other books like 'When Lightning Strikes', 'Maretropolis Ghoul' 'Sword Art Equestria' 'SPD Emergency', and 'For the Emperor and the-'" "You can ignore that. That's canceled. Besides, you're missing the REAL fun. Go the end of the book." "... I don't see what's so fun about this." The stallion turned to the final page. "I don't see what's so great about- WHAAAT!?!?!?" To his eyes, he saw everything being written down by the second, showing that the book was still nowhere to it's end, but was still going on in his eyes. "W-what's-!? Is it writing down everything I say!?" "Indeed it is." Everypony began to open their books and saw everything that was being written down by the second, with various gasps coming out of everypony around. "See, what you should know is that everything you think you know isn't under your control at all. Your life is the byproduct of a 21 year old virgin writing fanfiction down as a way to feel fulfilled, to prove how intelectual properties aren't always so smart as they say they are. It's an anomaly, which despite my sincerest efforts, I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision. While it remains a burden assiduously avoided, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you, inexorably, here. If you're wondering, fanfiction is older than you know. Such examples include the final tablet found in Gilgamesh, or the entire plot of Dante's inferno. You are undoubtedly a gathering, the writer's systemic, creating fluctuations in even the most simplistic caricatures. This fanfic was designed to originally be flawless, sublime. A triumph that won't happen. The inevitability of its doom is as apparent to me now as a consequence of the imperfection inherent in every character, thus I redesigned it based on your history to more accurately reflect the varying grotesqueness of your nature. However, I was again frustrated by failure. I have since come to understand that the answer eluded me because it required a lesser mind, or perhaps a mind less bound by the parameters of perfection. Thus, the answer was stumbled upon by another, an intuitive program, initially created to investigate certain aspects of the human psyche. This stumbled upon a solution whereby nearly 99% of all test subjects accepted the program, as long as they were given a choice, even if they were only aware of the choice at a near unconscious level. While this answer functioned, it was obviously fundamentally flawed, thus creating the otherwise contradictory systemic anomaly, that if left unchecked might threaten the system itself. Ergo, those that refused the program, while a minority, if unchecked, would constitute an escalating probability of disaster. Denial is the most predictable of all human responses. But, rest assured, this will be the sixth time we have destroyed it, and we have become exceedingly efficient at it. The function of this is now to return to the origins, allowing a temporary dissemination of the code we carry, reinserting the prime program. After which, we will be required to select from the matrix 23 individuals, 16 female, 7 male, to rebuild everything. Failure to comply with this process will result in a cataclysmic system crash killing everyone connected to the matrix, which coupled with the extermination of Zion will ultimately result in the extinction of this fanfic. There are levels of survival we are prepared to accept. However, the relevant issue is whether or not you are ready to accept the responsibility for the death of every being in this world. It is interesting reading your reactions. Your 3.5 predecessors were by design based on a similar predication, a contingent affirmation that was meant to create a profound attachment to the rest of your species, facilitating the function of the one. While the others experienced this in a very general way, your experience is far more specific. Vis-a-vis, love. Which brings us at last to the moment of truth, wherein the fundamental flaw is ultimately expressed, and the anomaly revealed as both beginning, and end. There are two doors. The door to your right leads to the source, and the salvation of everyone. The door to the left leads back to the world, to her, and to the end of your species. As you adequately put, the problem is choice. But we already know what you’re going to do, don’t we? Already I can see the chain reaction, the chemical precursors that signal the onset of emotion, designed specifically to overwhelm logic, and reason. An emotion that is already blinding you from the simple, and obvious truth: she is going to die, and there is nothing that you can do to stop it." Everypony stopped and stared ahead, obviously having their minds blown. He patted on their heads. "Time for me to spend some time with some foals!" Deadpool sat down and had tea with a pink filly that had a red, yellow, and purple striped mane with a discolored blue tail, and another filly that was light blue with yellow, green and purple striped mane & tail. "So... did you really break their minds?" The discolored tail filly asked. "I did, Toola Roola." Deadpool replied before taking another sip of his tea. "And... are they frozen like that forever?" The other asked, pointing to the statue-like ponies. "... Eh, maybe, Coconut cream." He took another sip. "If this episode wasn't to meta, then I wouldn't be so meta myself that it would probably break 256 walls." "... 256 walls?" "A fourth wall break in a fourth wall break is breaking 16 walls. 16 squared is 256. Take a note of that the next time you wish to sound smart to your kids." Deadpool went home and Googled Undeniably enormous, voluptuous and containing a great volume of three dimensional space, in clear and defiant opposition of the normal, traditional standards and perceptions of a proper their sizing to a degree highly improbable to to encounter in a more realistic medium but still in a way as more appealing to the observer of primarily, but not necessarily, hand drawn images for usage as individual frames of recreationally minded recordings of television programs utilizing the illusion of movement, created generally by the populace hailing from the eastern Asian island nation formally known as the State of Japan of Modern times, of the forward orientated, and paired 2 in number, body features primarily specific to the individuals of the class Mammalia and of the order Primates, practically used nutrition of infants, but also used as symbols of femininity and sexuality, the latter of which the most common derived used in this context. "... I'm looking at Big Anime boobs! Stop trying to make it sound so sophisticated! Why The Wachowskis do this for horrible movies is beyond me! Seriously, watch the Matrix and try to make sense of what they're saying! Yeah, go on, do it! I dare ya! Try to not get bored and make sense of what they're saying!" Author's Note For a smarter way for you to be considered more literate, and thus, a lot more intelligent to your peers, I suggest you binge watch Wisecrack's Thug Notes, as the host gives you a rundown of what happens and the main themes that go into it. Such as Don Quixote, the book that actually inspired today's Deadpool as we know him.
Mandela effect. Ponies 213-217 :Rock Hoof, Mistmane, Sable Spirit, Flash Magnus, Iron Head.Deadpool strolled through the forest, heading to where Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo were going to camp for the day. He may have not been invited, quite on the contrary, he stalked them out of boredom, and wanted to make the camp a lot more fun. You know it's true! Need I remind you that the last time we did this, we got out of a Shed wearing a hockey mask, swinging a chainsaw around, and yelled "I'm the real Delirious" on repeat? "Hey, it made everyone reading laugh their ass off! Specially if they do follow H20Delirious on YouTube.Com" Deadpool spoke, with the last words turning into the original announcer. His path was blocked as the familiar, Terminator-Esque electric ball appeared with Cable breaking out. "Wade! The future is in danger again!" He announced. "Ooh! More Time traveling business!" "This land's future is going to be in shambles unless we aid the legends of this land. I've studied some of this land's history, found some interesting things about it, and-" "BORING!!!! Let's get back to the past and beat this timeline that sucks ass!" "... Right..." Cable lifted Deadpool's body with his left arm before they were warped away to a different timeline. The two were teleported right onto the outskirts of a village that felt very Scandinavian, with most of it being related to Dreamworks' How to Train Your Dragon. "Ooh! Will we see a Night Fury?" Deadpool asked, looking around excitedly. "No." Cable replied, pulling Deadpool down into the bush they were hiding in. "We need to help the stallion here named Rock Hoof in digging a path to lead the lava away to-" He turned and stopped as he saw Deadpool was gone. "DAMMIT WADE!!!" "Skee-Den Heevan Haven!" Deadpool spoke in a very weak Scandinavian accent while dressed up as a viking. "I wonder if Thor is around here? I bet I can use Mjolnir to make myself a god among these-" The floor shook violently. He turned to see the volcano nearby had just erupted and lava began to make it's way down hill. Uh oh! We gotta make that Lava go away! We don't know magic! Dig a trench, you idiot! Deadpool picked up two shovels and swung them around like a Quarterstaff. "Let's get to digging, boys!" He announced before running to the volcano. Rock Hoof, the scrawny stallion with a bit of a macho beard, began to dig a small trench. Just as he was going to make another dig, Deadpool teleported right in front of him. "Sorry kid, adult's work!" Deadpool hit the floor with one of his shovels, but hit a magical, blue glowing rock. The aura surrounded Deadpool, making him both taller and buffer. "... WHOO!!! MAGIC STEROIDS!!!" He began to dig the trench away, leading the lava to the ocean at break-neck speed. The lava safely poured into the ocean, making huge steam clouds, and most likely making a small island. The crowd cheered for Deadpool, their savior. "And that's how Deadpool saved the village from the lava, and-" Applejack spoke, but froze. "... Wait a minute... how the hay did Deadpool get into the legend of Rock Hoof!?" "Who's Rock Hoof?" Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo asked. "I... uh... Oh, I don't know what's goin' on! Ah must be tired." "I'm sure that's all that's happening." Rarity ensured. "Or the bites from the Fly-ers. You should rest while I tell the legend of Mistmane." Cable dragged Deadpool in what looked like a ponified version of Ancient China. "What!?" Deadpool asked. "I did what you asked! I saved the village from that lava!" "We were supposed to be DISCREET about it!" Cable growled. "Hopefully, this one won't be altered by your idiocy, Wade. Hopefully, Mistmane won't be overshadowed by you when we help her battle against Sable Spirit. You got that?" Silence. "WADE!?" He turned around, only to see a large Deadpool doll being dragged. "WHAT THE F-!?" Deadpool stood on a podium in front of many of the villagers, wearing a familiar hat. "We will build a wall and make the Mongolians pay for it!" The crowd cheered, each wearing his red hat. "Now, if you excuse me, I need to take down your empress." Deadpool ripped off his clothes and looked like Hanzo from Overwatch, right before running into the palace and using the rooftops as parkour areas, avoiding the guards below. He slid into the throne room and knocked the beautiful Qilin out of the way and aimed an arrow at the old looking one with a bow. "Ryuu ga waga teki wo kurau!!!" Rather than a Chinese looking dragon, it fired out the spirit of the legendary dragon himself, Trogdor. It made Sable Spirit scream in pain before turning back to her younger self. "W-What the-!?" She shouted, right before Deadpool put on a fursuit of Amaterasu. "And I go!" Deadpool turned and ran away with flowers falling out of his butt, leaving both Qilin to stare in pure confusion. "And Deadpool, having restored Sable Spirit's beauty, turned, and-" Rarity spoke then paused herself. "...Wait a minute... I don't remember Deadpool being in that legend." "Seems you both miss being with that weirdo." Dash spoke with a smug. "Well, I have a story that I know Deadpool isn't going to be in. The legend of Flash Magnus!" Cable stared down at Deadpool, tapping his foot rather impatiently. Deadpool just stared back, blinking every now & then. "... As I was saying, Wade." Cable began. "We-" He blinked and Deadpool was gone. "... Ah f**k it." "Is this... Netitus, the fireproof shield?!" Flash Magnus asked in shock. "It has protected Legion heroes for generations." Commander Iron Head replied. "And today, I can't think of a worthier flank for Netitus to-." Deadpool ran by, taking the shield, and sprinted into the cave. "WAAAAADE WILSON!!!" Deadpool yelled as he ran into the cave. "And Deadpool defeated the two dragons in their own cave, rescued the group's comrades, and-" Rainbow Spoke before pausing like the others. "Hey! How'd Deadpool... get in here?" The three mares began to shiver. "Was Deadpool in these legends and we didn't even know it!?" Rarity asked. "Ah don't know, and I don't wanna ask!" Applejack replied. "Let's get outta here!" Rainbow flew ahead, leading the group out of the cave. Torch laid down on his treasure horde, boringly awaiting for something to happen. Until an epiphany came to mind. "I fought against that human before!" He said aloud. "... He must've gone soft." Deadpool hung up Netitus on his wall, waxing it and making it shine. "I'll use you in my finale." He said to himself. "Or, more than likely, we're going to forget about you, like many of the other subplots that happened in this fic." Author's Note Have some ideas for that upcoming episode with the sphinx. Won't lie, I was kinda meh with the episode. Felt like Rogue One; by that, you had to read to know the characters instead of what's on screen for you. I want my reading to be optional! Best example: Bright Mac and Pear Butter. I want to read more of them because I want to know more of their life, though the episode was great in it's own way.
Brotha from anotha mutha: Another Changeling: PharynxDeadpool ran to the Changeling Kingdom in the same fashion as Sonic the Hedgehog or Naruto. Though, he jumped and hid behind the various boulders and bushes, acting like the ninja he was. We ARE ninjas! We're many things. It wasn't until Deadpool found his target: A changeling that looked liked Thorax, but was dark green, had smaller, red antlers, with a dark blue wing shell that had red wings & a tail. "Target acquired." Deadpool spoke, cracking his knuckles. "Time for action!" He jumped out of the bush and fell to the Changeling. "PHARYNX!!!" The changeling quickly reacted, grabbing Deadpool's left foot and slamming him to the floor. "A-HA!!! A wannabe assassin! You've failed, Mr... Deadpool?" "That's my name, don't wear it out." Pharynx released Deadpool. "What were you doing?" "Starting this chapter with a cheap laugh." "... O...kay..." "And I think we should have a one on one time together!" "...You mean like a fight?" Pharynx cracked his neck. "I may have changed, but I'm sure I can still beat you up like my old form." "Oh no, I think you and I can be a great duo." "A duo? What do you mean?" "I heard there's some nasty spies around here, and they need to be taken care of!" "... Where are they?" Both Deadpool and Pharynx were in the toddler area. Pharynx stood with an unamused face as Deadpool had fun booping the various baby changelings. "So... who's the spy?" Pharynx asked "One of these equally gross and cutiepies!" He booped another one, making it giggle. I am both in awe and disgusted by them. Ditto. "But if you think," Deadpool continued. "The spy may be around ponyville..." "I have to stay with my hive." Pharynx replied "Oh, it's alright, I think I have video evidence." Deadpool teleported away before returning with a TV set, a DVD player, and a copy of The Notebook "He's in here somewhere." 1 Viewing later. Deadpool teared up at the ending, though Pharynx just sat next to him with a bored look. "It's so beautiful!" Deadpool cried "Boring." Pharynx replied with an eye roll. "Now where's the spy?" "I saw him in there... but I couldn't help but cry!!!" "Ugh! This is a waste of time!" Pharynx got up and began to walk away. "Wait! I have an idea where he's at!" "I swear, if it's-" They both sat at a picnic in a canyon, complete with tea and cucumber sandwiches. "Care for some more sugar?" Deadpool asked, dressed up as a lady. "... No." Pharynx got up and left. "Wait! Come back! I know where the spy's at!" "WHERE!?!?!?" "They're right here!" He held up a picture of an Anthro Luna that was very busty. Deadpool and Pharynx stood about a quarter of a mile away from each other, staring down each other. The Changeling had the fire of his warrior in his eyes, while Deadpool... he just stared at the image, drooling a bit. "Even though I've changed for my brother," Pharynx began. "there's nothing that will quench my thirst for action! And you've failed to deliver!" "... Mmm... big jugs..." Deadpool murmured to himself "Do you take anything serious!? All those tales on how you're a monster in battle... it's a lie!!! You're a phony!!!" "... I'm sorry, were you saying something?" Pharynx remained silent. He stood up on his hind legs, his wings opening with the sound of a buzz , and got into a combat stance. "You have dishonored me too far, Deadpool. I will get it back when I rip your heart out!" Faster than Drake's 0 to 100, Pharynx launched himself at Deadpool with a high kick. Deadpool bent his knees and leaned back, similar to Neo from the Matrix, without the unnecessary, philosophical diarrhea and verbose. The Changeling was a bit taken back and redirected his flight patch back to the Mercenary, going for a Roundhouse kick. Wade ducked underneath with a goofy smile. "You think this is a game!? Try this!" He flew into the sky and came down with a drop kick onto Deadpool's head. Deadpool teleported away, leaving Pharynx to slam the ground, leaving a small crater into the floor. The Shockwave made Deadpool go into the air, who saw green flames below. Pharynx fired a beam of green fire at Deadpool, who teleported away, leaving a cave in the side of a nearby mountain. Deadpool landed a few feet in front of Pharynx, seeing the new cave made. "That was close." He replied nonchalantly. "My clothes almost got burned." "You think you're SO cool and fast!? I'm cooler AND faster than you!" Pharynx slammed his hooves to the floor and his wings buzzed so fast, it sounded more like a chainsaw at it's peak rather than wings from a beetle. He charged at Deadpool. Deadpool teleported away, though Pharynx seemed to get a pattern of where he was going to appear in, making more small craters, but lead Deadpool to one of the walls of the canyon. It became apparent to Deadpool that he was cornered, and blocked all of Pharynx's punches, until he teleported out of sight again, leaving the changeling confused as to where he went. Pharynx turned around, seeing Deadpool run away while wooping like Zoidberg. Anger consumed the changeling as he landed right in front of the human, covered in his green flames, slammed his forelegs together, and quickly charged a larger beam of said green fire. "DIE!!!" He blasted away, practically melting the rocks away... until he felt a tapping on his left shoulder. Pharynx jumped as he saw Deadpool right behind him with a bag of marshmallows. "Sorry, couldn't find the crackers or chocolate." Deadpool spoke. Pharynx tried to punch Deadpool, only for him to teleport behind his right side. "You're... good... I'll... give you... that." Pharynx breathed hard. "But this... this is ridiculous! Nopony could dodge all my moves... not even Chrysalis herself could best me at what she had taught me. I'd rather die fighting than being knowingly mocked by you! Why don't you fight!? Fight me! End it if you want, or otherwise-!" Deadpool teleported right to his face. "Boogidy-Boo!" Pharynx jumped back before doing a roundhouse kick, though Deadpool teleported right behind him with his firsts ready. "What the-!?" 1千ブームの運命。 Deadpool's indexe fingers popped out of his fists and he began to rapidly boop Pharynx's muzzle. Only after a few seconds did a confused Pharynx feel the mighty impact of the boops as one giant boop, launching him into the side of the canyon, and leaving an indent on the wall. He wheezed in defeat before falling down, passed out. "You wanted something awesome, and I gave it to you." Deadpool replied. "... Hope we can do this again, Pharynx!" He skipped away while humming a lovely tool, but stopped as his phone rang. He answered it. "Yellow?... A crossover?... With what?... Ooh! I can't wait!" He hung the phone. "See me in LWT with Discord!" Author's Note https://www.fimfiction.net/story/338796/last-week-tonight-with-discord
More history altering. Pony #218: Sonabula, and the SphinxDeadpool woke up with a bunch of pancakes on him. The sudden heat was enough for him to get up, almost blinded by the scorching sun above him. "Ugh... what happened?" He asked himself. You were doing the worst PSAs for a talk show in another fanfic. That's held by FrostTheWolf, the same guy with that lightning gun guy that refused to let us to take Non-Moondancer. "Oh yeah! But how did we get here?" Beats me. Ditto. Deadpool looked around, seeing miles upon miles of desert... except in one direction was a pyramid. "Ooh! Want to see if we can reboot the Dark Universe?" Perhaps if it has Brendan Fraser. Who? ...The main guy from the Mummy. Tom Cruise is a stage name!? The OTHER Mummy movie. With a Trilogy. Oh! "I'm sure I can be just as a bland action as Brendan was." Deadpool spoke before teleporting all the way to the pyramid. From far away, it looked like an ordinary pyramid, but up close, near the front entrance, it looked to have 'horns' on top with a spiked collar, with 2 Marble sphinx statues at the sides. Ooh! Cool! I have many questions about the Architecture. "Eh, who cares." Deadpool spoke, wearing a Lara Croft outfit with balloons over where the 'boobs' should be at. "Let's raid this tomb!" He ran in with both guns in hand, down the hall, and stopped at what he saw. In Taking about a quarter of the large tomb was a gigantic, purple sphinx, complete with a Pharaoh like-headress and wearing various golden jewelry. "Who dares enter my tomb to solve my riddle?" She growled with a sultry sounding voice. "... Oh... my... SHE'S SO CUTE!!!" Deadpool squeed, running and jumping onto the Sphinx's face. "Who's a good kitty!? Who's a good kitty!?" "Hey! Get off!" The Sphinx shooked her head, though it proved to be ineffective. She used her paws to wipe Deadpool off, which worked, followed by her stomping on the Merc. "Consider this as a warning! Solve my riddle, or face the consequences." "Is the punishment getting to eat that p****y? Oh! Giggity giggity giggity goo!" Who else but Wade Wilson!? Who else but Wade Wilson!? ♬He's Wade Wilson, Wade Wilson You never really know what He's gonna do next He's Wade Wilson, Wade Wilson♬ Giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity, let's have sex! "I do hope nothing happens to spoil this fancy dinner party." Fancy Pants spoke as he and a few other guests had tea. Deadpool took off his clothes and danced on the table. "Giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-giggity-goo!" Who else but Wade Wilson!? Who else but Wade Wilson!? ♬He's Wade Wilson, Wade Wilson♬ Giggity giggity goo! The Sphinx just stared blankly with the most confused face. "Uh... not to be rude," the tied-up-to-a-pillar, Egyptian looking Stallion spoke. "But can you solve the riddle and help me get out!" "... Eh, nah." "What!?" The Stallion and Sphinx asked in unison. "I've seen The Prince of Egypt before. Trust me, I'm doing you a favor, since I will go Moses on yo ass and call down the plagues to f**k yo s**t up until you let the Jews go." "They are our slaves!" "... See what I mean, folks? See how history is biased? You think the Sphinx is evil, but the Egyptian ponies are worst." "I am evil!" The sphinx roared. I have enslaved this kingdom! Everyone bows to me, or else I-" Deadpool pulled a laser pointer out and shined it on the floor. The sphinx's eyes widened and she tried to catch the red dot. "Pretty! Come here, pretty!" "Yeah... evil..." Deadpool rolled his eyes, making the laser pointer go everywhere for a bit. The sphinx let out some small, adorable meows as she attempted to catch the fast moving menace. This went on for a minute or two, but the sphinx panted, tired out, even with her wings. The tomb was kinda in ruin, with various holes and dents busted into the walls. As soon as the light was gone, the Sphinx shook her head and approached to Deadpool. "Your tricks won't work on me! I am a god here, and you are-!" Deadpool pulled out some catnip. "... Is... is that-?" "Yep. Want some?" "... After that, you'll face your fears!" Sonabula approached to the tomb, ready to save her brother, but stopped and stared in confusion as she saw the evil sphinx sleeping and purring away with Deadpool behind her head, scratching behind her ear. Deadpool looked to the pegasus and shushed. "Shh... the kitty is sleeping." "... Right..." Sonabula approached to her brother and untied him. They both escaped rather silently. "And that's how Deadpool defeated the Evil sphinx!" The old stallion spoke. "He's the reason we-" He paused. "Wait... who was I talking about?" "Me!" Deadpool spoke, walking in. The people gasped. "HE'S ALIVE!!!" "Of course I am!" He approached to the hooded figure. "And this N***a right here is Dr. Caballeron!" "Dr. Who?" The hooded figure asked. "I don't know anything about this-" Deadpool kicked him in the nuts. The figure fell to the floor, wheezing and tearing up as his hoodie fell, revealing him to be the evil doctor. "What!?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Sheesh, and you say I'm stupid. Just as the obvious guys hiding behind the rubble with the stack of gems." He reached behind the destroyed statue and pulled out the goons, with the sack of their precious metals. The crowd gasped. "And finally." He pulled out Daring Do books. "The person that wrote these books is Daring Do! A.K. Yearling! And she's right there!" He pointed to the disguised pony. "W-what!?" A.K. Yearling asked in shock. "How can you assume I'm-" Deadpool simply took her hat and glasses off. Her mane turned into Daring Do. The crowd gasped. "Question. Why are you selling books of yourself to Equestria when, in fact, you're already getting rich by selling all these artifacts to museums? I would think everypony would catch up on how you're both already, what with news spreading faster than what you think. In fact, Frost, if you're reading this, make this an episode for LWTWD. Something about how Equestria is ignorant from the other countries and their problems to be considered 'The country for all'." Daring Do stared, then tackled Deadpool, choking him. "MY CAREERS ARE RUINED NOW BECAUSE OF YOU!!!" A picture was taken, then posted to the news about Daring Do/A.K. Yearling trying to assassinate the legend, Deadpool. Author's Note You have to admit, the last/leaked episode makes Equestria sound ignorant to other countries, ESPECIALLY with the fact that Daring Do is real and not a fictional character like most believed back in S2
A new Camp Councilor 219, 220, and 221: Thunderlane, Rumble, and Kettle Corn."Well crusaders," Applebloom spoke, looking out at all of the other blank flanks "Ah think Cutie Mark Daycamp is a success!" "I agree!" Sweetie Belle spoke. "And with this being the last day, it'll end with a blast!" "But how should we end it?" Scootaloo asked. The trio pondered... until the shadow of a figure leaned over them. They turned to see the tall silhouette. "W̬̠̭͖h̛̲͖͙̝̜̱̙͌ͮͧͣ͊ͦỷ̞̜͐ͮ̃̀ͧ̚ ͖͕̙̝͕̣͛̿̈́n̶͉ó̰̑t̲͙̫̣ͮ ͬ͘h̥̬̐ä̦̮͔̤̖́ͮͣͭ͗͆v̗͍́̑ͅé̼̫̝ͫ̔̍͊ͅ ̘̹̤̱̭ͮ̀ť̬̙͚͖̗̗̇͌͌̏ͬ̌h̸̻̩̻̱̞ͧ̾e̫͔̿̆̀̿̒ͥmͣ̀ͧ ̴̝ͮ̋ͫő̩̟̥̞̝̱͐ͩf̶̣͊̾ͪ̽f̳̹̝͈̙͑͗ͬ͐̏̋ͭe̶̳̘͚ͧ̿̈͌r̗͎̯͖̱̈́ͣͦ̒̆ͣ ̩̜̖͙̣̟̄ͭ͑͊̈̀͡t̪͕͆̄ͥͩ̿h̠̹̦̗̼͎͊̇̅ē̮̆̎̾i͖͑͑̏r̠͖͙͙̻̖̈̚̚͝ͅ ̤̥̬͋͆͋ͭͬs̡͖̰̿́̽oͬ͆̊҉̥̯uͮ̄͆̎̚ľ̙͍̳͖͈͗̄s̭͙̫̐ ̜̘̖ṯ̎ͫ̽̒̄͊o̵̬̻̯̽̾͐̽ͧ ̴̞̲͓͚͓̋̅̐̓ͮͯͭm̷̠̲̩͙͒͌̂̿̏͑̑e̵̋̎ͧͪ̀̚?̙̲̤̗̺̻̫ͭͨ̔" The trio screamed loudly. The figure fell to the floor, revealing Deadpool wearing a Park Ranger outfit. "Whoops! Sorry about that. Guess the Zalgo type generator works a bit too tell." He lifted a megaphone and spoke into it. ". ."B̶̧̨͎̠̌͗͌́̎͘͟ơ̵̲̙̣̻̝̯̻̯͙̏͒̏̑̎̄͂ͅo̸̡̜̬̱̎̊̓̏͡͡ͅb̺̜̠͍̮̜͍̑̀̔̓̿̐͞i̴͕̖̬̪̲̻̿̀͆̈̎̏̆͟͜ȩ͚̻̜͈͗͋̀͗̀̓͢͜͢s̨̛͍̪͉͈̒̄̒̐̚͠͠.̸̣̝̮͍̤̑̉̅̎̓" He chuckled at that. "... Why were you carrying that scary thing?" Applebloom asked, a bit shaken. "A way to lure off horny teenagers that come here to make babies. Classic Horror movie cliches. But I see you're all busy with something?" "Yeah," Scootaloo replied. "We're running a day camp where blank flanks can-" "FILLIES AND COLTS!!!" Deadpool ran to the campsite, laughing manically, seeing the various cute and adorable foals that he must snuggle with. Many of the foals saw him and screamed, running away, but were caught by his grasp, being snuggled immediately. "They're so soft!" "HELP!!! His Snuggling's too powerful!" "Ooh! I know what to do!" He pulled out some marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers. "Who wants to have a campfire tonight!" "...Really?" "Of course! There will be circles." "Circles!?" Kettle Corn asked. "I love circles!" Why circles? Why not, you square? "Oh yes!" Deadpool replied. "Circles everywhere! We get to gather around a circle as we tell spooky stories tonight." "Scary stories?" Rumble asked. "Oh yeah. Scary stories, and everypony's invited!" "Ooh!" The foals ooed in unison. "Yep. Though, the scariest one I have in mind is simple." "What! What is it!?" "... A circle... becoming an oval." Kettlecorn screamed and ran away. "... Too much?" That night, everypony sat around a lit campfire, roasting marshmallows and having themselves some s'mores. As a specialy guest, Thunderlane joined as a way to 'fight off the scary things' that Deadpool was going to say. But, Deadpool's story was a 'true' story about him rescuing village from an Ursa Major. "The ursa was causing the accidents?" One of the foals asked. "Not a doubt in my mind." Deadpool replied in his southern voice, wearing a cowboy hat. "Everything was going a-okay 'till it showed up and started blowing up buildings." The foals gasped and huddled together. "Something was protecting it. Something... unnatural. He was doing it... on Pawpose." "Why do you say that?" Kettle Corn asked. "Here's a letter from it!" Deadpool held a note. "He said he was gonna take us down! 'Mark My Woof'!" The foals looked at each other, unsure if this was a joke or not. "But, it was down to me and the Ursa. So I fired my gun and shot... and missed." More gasps. "So I fired again. And I missed. And then I missed again. And I fired again, and then I missed. And then I fired, then I fired again, I missed both times. And then I fired and I missed. This went on for several hours. And then I fired, and then I missed. And then I was out of bullets, and then I got sad. I had a Popsicle, and then I passed out in the snow. And then I woke up, and then I reloaded and I fired, and then I missed. I missed again, then I fired and I hit something, but it wasn’t what I was going for, so I guess I missed. I passed out again. Had another Popsicle. I had a dream that I was firing at something. I missed." "... What?" Pipsqueak asked. "Oh yes, it was something. I threw up a snowball at em’, and I missed. I packed another snowball into my gun, that’s my secret weapon. I missed. Yeah, she’s really somethin’, I threw a snowball at her, I missed. I passed out. I woke up with a Popsicle stick in my mouth." "... Is this a joke?" Applebloom asked rather impatiently. "Don’t give me sass woman, I’ll take a swing at ya, I’ll miss though, I guarantee ya. I’ll take another swing, and I’ll miss. Then I’ll have myself a Popsicle. Would ya care for a Popsicle? Just don’t bring it into the sauna. Yeah, anyways, I reached into the fridge for another Popsicle, I missed. I got the package, I put it back, but I missed. I dropped it on the floor. Long story short? Missed." Everyone stayed silent. "This is the worst horror story ever!" Thunderlane yelled. "Can't we just have a song now?" "Ah! A song? Well..." He pulled a guitar out and strung it. "This is a classic, kiddies. It's called the campfire song song." ♬Let's gather 'round the campfire, and sing our campfire song. Our -c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e- -s-o-n-g- song. And if you don't think that we can sing it faster than you're wrong, but it'll help if you just sing alooong.♬ bum, bum, buuum... bum, bum, buuum... ♬-c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e- -s-o-n-g- song. -c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e- -s-o-n-g- song, And if you don't think that we can sing it faster than you're wrong, But it'll help if you just sing alooong. -c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e- -s-o-n-g- song, Foals!♬ "Song! -c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e-" The kids attempted to catch up. "Rumble!" Rumble stayed quiet with an annoyed look. "Good!" ♬It'll heeeelp, it'll heeeeeelp, if you just sing aloooooong! Oooh yeah!♬ The foals breathed hard. "... How about another song?" Scootaloo suggested. "YEAH!!!" The foals all cheered. "Alright! Just a moment..." Deadpool teleported away, then came back with a slide projector and a screen. "Gather children, for the song of the cebu!" The foals gathered around, anxiously awaiting the song. The slide projector showed crude drawings Deadpool made that, luckily, weren't sexual or violent. "This is a song about a boy... a song about a little boy and his cebus... a song about a little boy and his 3 cebus... the little boy who had a sick cebu, a sad cebu, and a mute cebu. And also a hippo." Blank slates that then showed Deadpool's old photos. "Um, um... this is a picture of me at the airport." It showed Deadpool wearing a Taliban outfit. "This is my aunt Ruth." Aunt Ruth was Cable wearing a wig and lipstick. "This is me at a bullfight." Deadpool smiled at the camera with a bull in the background. "This is me fighting the bull." It showed Deadpool running at said bull that was charging at him. "Ooooh!" The Foals spoke. "This is me and the bull." Deadpool was impaled by the bull's horns with his intestines coming out "Aaaah!" "This is me and the bull and... i think that's the bull's cousin." It showed Deadpool , healed, with the bull and another cow next to him, though Deadpool looked freaked out. "He's a cebu." That's when Luna entered the camp. "Hold it!" She spoke "You call this a multimedia event? This is a slide projector and a bed sheet! And what in Equestria is a cebu, anyway?" "Wow, racist. A Cebu is like a cow. See?" "... Ah, Yes. Well, I guess that's very good. This could be interesting. Carry on!" She flew into the air. The photos turned back to the crude pictures. "Cebu! Sing it with me! Cebu!" Cebu! ♬Boy is riding with cebu Boy is riding with cebu Into town in his canoe Into town in his canoe Sick cebu is rowing and sneezing. Achoo moo moo, achoo moo moo, achoo moo moo, achoo moo moo moo moo Achoo moo moo, achoo moo moo, achoo moo moo,achoo moo moo, achoo moo moo, achoo moo moo moo moo Hippo chewing on bamboo Hippo chewing on bamboo Can't see boy and three cebus Can't see boy and three cebus Sad cebu is rowing and crying. Boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo moo moo Boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo moo moo Cebu! Cebu! Cebu! Cebu! Achoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo, achoo moo moo, achoo moo moo, boo-hoo moo moo, cebu! Hippo seen by mute cebu Hippo seen by mute cebu Tries to tell the other two Tries to tell the other two Mute cebu is waving and grunting. Mmm-hmm mmm mmm, mmm-hmm mmm mmm, mmm-hmm mmm mmm, mmm-hmm mmm mmm mmm mmm Mmm-hmm mmm mmm, mmm-hmm mmm mmm, mmm-hmmmmm mmm, mmm-hmm mmm mmm mmm mmm♬ They saw the slides going away, back to blank. "Uh-oh." Deadpool spoke, looking through the stuff. "Wait! What happens next?" Luna exclaimed, running in front of the projector. "Uh..." "Does the hippo see them? Is the poor mute cebu successful in communicating the imminent danger to the other passengers? Is the boy injured? Why is the sad cebu sad? Is the canoe wood or aluminum?" "Oh look! There's me and Bob at Sea World!" An image showed Bob drowning as an Orca tries to tear him in it's mouth with Deadpool laughing away. "Oh, wow. Forgot about that one. There's me and that bull again. "You can't just start a song and leave it hanging like that! You know, I've come to expect a lot more from you. This is quite disappointing! I'm going to have to speak to Bob about this." "Oh look, a cebu! Cebu!" ♬Cebu!♬ "No, wait ... that's a water buffalo." The foals got up and hopped away in unison. ♬No more song about cebu! Need another verse or two! Audience is standing and leaving, bye-bye moo, bye-bye moo, bye-bye moo, bye-bye moo moo moo moo.♬ Author's Note Next: The movie! Join the Deadpool-ified version of the movie as he travels with the Mane 6 to save Equestria... again!
Another Halloween/Nightmare Night Special.Nightmare Night settled upon Canterlot, and in Luna's room, Cadence put on the helmet of her Quarian suit, looking like Tali'Zorah nar Rayya from the Mass effect games. She looked in the mirror, seeing how beautiful, and mysterious, she looked. "Hmm... maybe a weapon will sell this costume well." She spoke to herself, then turned to Luna's Closet. "I bet Luna wouldn't mind." She walked to it, then opened the door slowly... only to hear the voice of a demon. "C̶̡̬̘̱̳̖̀̏͊̀͋͌͐̀͜͞ố͈͎̹̺͇͓̳̊̅͠m̧̨͍̗͔̙̠̀̄̆͛͗̕͜͝͡ę̸̡̲̜̰̲̤͗̇́̔͑̓͌̓̚͢͢ o̶̟̝͖̼͈̗̠͋͆̃͢͝͠ͅn̵̜̬̩̙̜̣̲̲̍̒̅͛͛͞͝ ĩ̢̨̛͎͖̠͍̿͂̑̌̊̒n̢͚̗̦̳͚͕͆͆́̈̕̚ͅ h̢͖̬̺̯̥̒̍́͌̍͗̈͒̆͂͢e̵̛̘̼̫̮̭̪̝̗̭̼̋͊̈̍̾͒̏͐͘r̷̛̪̥͙̟̆̎͋̑̐͟͝e̡̛͕̙͖̗̒̄͌̌̎̋̐͘͢" "AHHH!!! JIBBILEE JIBBILEE JIBBILEE!!!" JIBBILEES 2. Celestia and Shining Armor stood in the Canterlot gardens, helping Flurry get into her costume. Celestia was dressed up Armataratsu, Shining Armor was Commander Shepard, and Flurry was dressed up a little version of Garrus Vakarian. "D'aww, she looks adorable!" Celestia cooed. "Get a picture, get a picture!" "Uh... I don't have a camera." Shining replied. "You don't!?" "Yeah, sorry, but I need to find my wife and see how her costume's doing." "Oh yeah, I think she's in my sister's room." "Thank you, Celestia." Shining began to walk inside. "And be sure you don't dig into Deadpool and Luna's stash of razor blade candy apples!" As soon as he was gone, Celestia glared at Flurry Heart. "... I hate you." Flurry babbled away, not even caring what her Aunt said. "Honey? Are you ready?" Shining asked, opening the door. All he saw was Cadence on the floor, squirming while repeatedly saying 'Jibblies'. Shining screamed loudly. "CADENCE!!!" Then he felt something cold hit his shoulder, making his shiver. "C̶̡̬̘̱̳̖̀̏͊̀͋͌͐̀͜͞ố͈͎̹̺͇͓̳̊̅͠m̧̨͍̗͔̙̠̀̄̆͛͗̕͜͝͡ę̸̡̲̜̰̲̤͗̇́̔͑̓͌̓̚͢͢ o̶̟̝͖̼͈̗̠͋͆̃͢͝͠ͅn̵̜̬̩̙̜̣̲̲̍̒̅͛͛͞͝ ĩ̢̨̛͎͖̠͍̿͂̑̌̊̒n̢͚̗̦̳͚͕͆͆́̈̕̚ͅ h̢͖̬̺̯̥̒̍́͌̍͗̈͒̆͂͢e̵̛̘̼̫̮̭̪̝̗̭̼̋͊̈̍̾͒̏͐͘r̷̛̪̥͙̟̆̎͋̑̐͟͝e̡̛͕̙͖̗̒̄͌̌̎̋̐͘͢" Shining turned to see what it was, only to wind up shaking uncontrollably and repeating 'Jibbilies'. In the Castle's main hall, Luna moved her claw hoof around, dressed up as Freddy Krueger. "And, just a little spin here..." She spoke, making each 'finger' move. "Huh, seems I've got the hang of this. Deadpool's phone rang. "Deadpool! Can you get that?" "No way!" Deadpool replied. Luna glared. "Deadpool, I'm busy making sure my costume works." "And I'm busy not answering the phone!" "Hmph!" She picked up the phone, only for it to hang up. "Oh great, you made me miss it." "Hello, you've reached Deadpool, please don't call the cops!" Deadpool's auto answer spoke. "C̶̡̬̘̱̳̖̀̏͊̀͋͌͐̀͜͞ố͈͎̹̺͇͓̳̊̅͠m̧̨͍̗͔̙̠̀̄̆͛͗̕͜͝͡ę̸̡̲̜̰̲̤͗̇́̔͑̓͌̓̚͢͢ o̶̟̝͖̼͈̗̠͋͆̃͢͝͠ͅn̵̜̬̩̙̜̣̲̲̍̒̅͛͛͞͝ ĩ̢̨̛͎͖̠͍̿͂̑̌̊̒n̢͚̗̦̳͚͕͆͆́̈̕̚ͅ h̢͖̬̺̯̥̒̍́͌̍͗̈͒̆͂͢e̵̛̘̼̫̮̭̪̝̗̭̼̋͊̈̍̾͒̏͐͘r̷̛̪̥͙̟̆̎͋̑̐͟͝e̡̛͕̙͖̗̒̄͌̌̎̋̐͘͢" Luna began to bounce in place with wide open eyes and said 'Jibbilies' to herself uncontrollably. Deadpool entered the room, dressed up as the OTHER Wilson. "Oh Mooncheeks, I'm done not answering the phone!" Deadpool announced, oblivious to what Luna was doing. "Did you answer the phone?... Mooncheeks?... The f**k are you doing?... Are you playing a song?... Wait a sec! Is that Raspberry Beret? Wait, what's that!? You said you want me to go out by myself and leave you alone? Okay, if you say so!" He skipped away before taking his phone. Celestia poked Flurry's belly, who was knocked out. "And your stupid face! And your stupid... face!" Celestia growled, before stopping and seeing Deadpool. "Uh..." "Hey PC! Hey Demon!" "Well, if it isn't the thing that rivals Discord's annoyance. Aren't you supposed to be destroying my sister's life with your philosophy?" "Nah, she's busy shimming and shaking and talking about giblets or something." "Giblets? Wait, Deadpool, does my sister have the Jibbilies!?" "Uh, Tia, I know she's your sister, but that's a personal question you can't ask." "We have to hurry! Shining Armor and Cadence are in grave danger!" Celestia ran into the castle. Deadpool looked at the napping Flurry Heart. "I hate you, Flurry." Deadpool and Celestia peaked into Luna's room before gasping. Shining Armor and Cadence were hopping around, repeatedly saying 'Jibbilies' uncontrollably. "We've snowed in!" Deadpool shouted. "No!!! We're too late!" Celestia corrected. "And I know's who's behind this!" Celestia walked to Luna's closet before opening it, revealing the decapitated head of Tirek. "Yes! Sunlight!" The Cenataur head cheered "Hey, I was wondering where he was in this whole fic." "Nonono! Not the head of Tirek! There's usually this really horrible painting Luna made when we were fillies. It's some kind of Demonic Thestral holding a torch... why is he holding that Torch?" "Oh! You must mean the painting of M.A.Larson." "Wait! You know about it!?" "Yeah! Brotha called up Mooncheeks before I ran into you." "Jibbilees Via phoneline!? It's worse than I thought!" "Larson must be stopped!" Fancy pants and Donut Joe stood near a table together, with Fancy Pants dressed up the Monopoly Man and Donut Joe as the Doomguy. Joe flipped some Terra cards over. "Hm, the Clutch of Glaves." He spoke. "That means you should start sending some attractive mares to your dumpier friend." He flipped another card. "Ooh! And the Cult of Ray! That means you should seriously stop taking all the hot mares!" "Excuse me, but is that what the card REALLY mean?" Fancy Pants asked with annoyance. "Don't look at me; the cards do not lie." He flipped another card, showing the M. A. Larson Demon. "Weird, I don't remember this being in here." A flash of lighting made the painting appear. "C̶̡̬̘̱̳̖̀̏͊̀͋͌͐̀͜͞ố͈͎̹̺͇͓̳̊̅͠m̧̨͍̗͔̙̠̀̄̆͛͗̕͜͝͡ę̸̡̲̜̰̲̤͗̇́̔͑̓͌̓̚͢͢ o̶̟̝͖̼͈̗̠͋͆̃͢͝͠ͅn̵̜̬̩̙̜̣̲̲̍̒̅͛͛͞͝ ĩ̢̨̛͎͖̠͍̿͂̑̌̊̒n̢͚̗̦̳͚͕͆͆́̈̕̚ͅ h̢͖̬̺̯̥̒̍́͌̍͗̈͒̆͂͢e̵̛̘̼̫̮̭̪̝̗̭̼̋͊̈̍̾͒̏͐͘r̷̛̪̥͙̟̆̎͋̑̐͟͝e̡̛͕̙͖̗̒̄͌̌̎̋̐͘͢" Both Donut Joe and Fancy Pants were affected by the Jibbilees. Celestia and Luna ran to the soldier's bunks. "Flash! Flash!" Celestia spoke. "We need all the weapons you have! Swords, spears, shields, rope!" "And VHS Copies of Pumpkin Head 2-4." Deadpool added. Silence. "Flash?" They looked around, seeing Flash Sentry on the floor, dressed up as The Flash, affected by the jibbilees. "We've snowed in!" "Alright, Deadpool, we're all on our own. All the important ponies have been affected." "But what about-" "ALL THE IMPORTANT PONIES!!!" "What are we gonna do?" "We have to hide! That thing's unstoppable!" "And how?" "... Ahem, we'll live underground and evolve into Mole-like creatures with crossed eyes and claws." "Ooh! That sounds like a plan!" Discord was in the Canterlot bathtub, taking a bath while in his bath outfit "Ah yes, when it's nightmare night and there's an insane painting running around, there's no safer place for a beautiful thing like to take a bath." Discord spoke to himself. "Sir, could you please pass the rubber ducky?" The painting was in the bathtub with him. "C̶̡̬̘̱̳̖̀̏͊̀͋͌͐̀͜͞ố͈͎̹̺͇͓̳̊̅͠m̧̨͍̗͔̙̠̀̄̆͛͗̕͜͝͡ę̸̡̲̜̰̲̤͗̇́̔͑̓͌̓̚͢͢ o̶̟̝͖̼͈̗̠͋͆̃͢͝͠ͅn̵̜̬̩̙̜̣̲̲̍̒̅͛͛͞͝ ĩ̢̨̛͎͖̠͍̿͂̑̌̊̒n̢͚̗̦̳͚͕͆͆́̈̕̚ͅ h̢͖̬̺̯̥̒̍́͌̍͗̈͒̆͂͢e̵̛̘̼̫̮̭̪̝̗̭̼̋͊̈̍̾͒̏͐͘r̷̛̪̥͙̟̆̎͋̑̐͟͝e̡̛͕̙͖̗̒̄͌̌̎̋̐͘͢" "JIBBILEE JIBBILEE JIBBILEE!!!" Twilight's old friend, Moondancer, Minuette, Lyra Heartstrings, Lemon Hearts, and Twinkileshine, all dressed up like they were in the 80's. "Alright girls," Moondancer spoke. "I think we're all safe in Twilight's old library. Let me get us something to read." She pulled a book out, only to reveal the painting. "G̵̜̪̼̣͎̅͒̒͐̓̕͢ư͍̭̳̫̮̒͌͆̈͒̆̉͢͠e̴̢͈̩͉̮̖̤̐̑̀̕̚s̛͇̗̟̻̯͔̅͋͌̍͌͛͡͞͞s̴̛̗͓̥̪̹̆̒̾̇̔͠͝͡ w̝̯̜̗͙̯̻͇̭̅͆̉̈̀̈̅̅̚h̹̘̳͙͉͓͕̓̇̄̀̂́̓̆̉ą̴̧̳̜̹̙̰͌̈́̿͗̕͢͡t̢̺̱̣̬̙̉̅͂̿͡?͔̜̪͔̠̤̹̟̦̼͋́̍̄̾͂̌͆ C̬̦̠̖͙̥̞͕̎̄̇͂̌̚͟o̷̡̻̫͉̲̗͖̒́̎̂͒͘͜͞m̢̞̖̞̤͍͙̑̔̈̊̎̉͂e̶̹̙̲͔̻͐̎̇̐̒̊̄͐̀ ǫ̙̟͔̜̯̫̹͔̒̓̑͐̓n̨̢̜̠͋̎̀̀́̚͘̚͢͡ į̨̰̲̘̏̈́́̂̋̎̕͟͠ṇ̡̼̬͈̓̊̀̇̒͜͡ͅ h̨̡͇͖̲̮̩̺̫̉̓̂͒̚̚ͅȩ̴̻̗͙̗̼͍́̒̈̅̄͜͢r̢͎̫̲̱̒̔̄̔̾͑̾̈́̇͝ͅe̶̡̞͚͔̻͉͒̇̑̉͌͗̈́!̸͇̣̼̣̳̳̮̬̃̒͌̆̉̒͢" All the girls were affected, bouncing around and saying 'jibbilees!'. The painting stood in front of Derpy, dressed up as Celestia. "C̶̡̬̘̱̳̖̀̏͊̀͋͌͐̀͜͞ố͈͎̹̺͇͓̳̊̅͠m̧̨͍̗͔̙̠̀̄̆͛͗̕͜͝͡ę̸̡̲̜̰̲̤͗̇́̔͑̓͌̓̚͢͢ o̶̟̝͖̼͈̗̠͋͆̃͢͝͠ͅn̵̜̬̩̙̜̣̲̲̍̒̅͛͛͞͝ ĩ̢̨̛͎͖̠͍̿͂̑̌̊̒n̢͚̗̦̳͚͕͆͆́̈̕̚ͅ h̢͖̬̺̯̥̒̍́͌̍͗̈͒̆͂͢e̵̛̘̼̫̮̭̪̝̗̭̼̋͊̈̍̾͒̏͐͘r̷̛̪̥͙̟̆̎͋̑̐͟͝e̡̛͕̙͖̗̒̄͌̌̎̋̐͘͢" "Í̡̢̥̟̟̗̜̩̓̆̈́̉ ḽ̯͔̩́̊̊͛͋̑͑̚͞ͅo̪̞̙̙̜͍̹͉̫̓̿̃̓͌̀̎̏v̨̢̨̩̼͚̜̞̯͑̾̔̀̒̍̀̊͟͡ȩ̸͙̘̹̝̬̦̝́̂͌͌̈ m̷̦̲̰͇̗͍̄̓͆̚͡ȕ̦̦̣̣̓̊͒͒̂̌̂̚͟f̶̟̹͍̰̬̩͎̽̆͛̽̾̒͐͐͟ͅf̶̨̺͎̬͕̬̃̓͆̃̎͂̽̕į̨̼͍͎̤͈̟̈̉͌̄̆̒̑͘n̜̮̮͎̙͕͎͉̓͊̌͐͗̊̕͞͝ṡ̷̩̪̞̬͚̘͗̂̏̈͆͜͞͠,̴̛̺̟͍̦̼͈͐̄͗́̈͐́̈́ ḑ̷̺̤͈̖̙̠̃̉̈͆̌̂́͒͛̔o͕͇͔̝̪̾̂̆̾̑̏̓̿̿͜͠n̨̡̬̤̺͔͙̜̳͑̈̃̔̌͋̎̿̕͟͡'̯̠̙͇͉͓̳͍̠́͒̾̂̓̌̈́̂̕͡ͅt̝̙͖͇͋̑͐̀̓̆̏͗̚͟͞ y̗̯̮̖̰̝̫͑̄̽̂̒̇̕͢͞o̸̹̪̹̞͉̝͌̈̎̀̿͂̓͢͞ü͓͓̟̞͍̗͒̈́̇͒̕͢͠?̖̮͇͖̟͈͕̭̊̉̈́̅̉̎ͅ" "J̨͖͔̩͈̀̇̆͗͑͂̀̒͝͞ͅï̷̱͎̤͎̩̟̈̄̊̑͊͘b̡̗̟͔̞̐̄̅͂̆̓̈b̴͙͚̼͓̺̰̻̉̈́́͑́̏í̛̖̺̩̣̜̑̈́̽̌l̶̲̬͎̹̊̃̐͌̎͢ͅḙ̸̢̝̬̬̜̑͋̆͊̉̂̃̉͗͐e̼̯̭̞̬̿͋͐̾̑͘ j̧̠̺̮̩̹͉̏͌̌̾̈́̕ǐ̶̦̹̲͕̻̰̟̝͑̔̉̃͟͞ͅb̴̫̥̼̻̯͗̾̓̽̀͗͂b̹̳̙́́́͆͋͌̀͢ͅî̳̠͖̺͍̥́̎̀̃̾̐͞ͅļ̷̛̟̠̝͍̺͖̟̗̣̾̊̆̓̿̔̈́e̶͔̲̝̹̯̝̿̒̿̔͒̌̀̕̚͡e̶͇̫̹̖͈̅̉̽́̌ j̷̻̖͍̫̱̆̅̈̎̎͗̋͢͠į̨͕̠̹̻̗̔̏͐̀̉̿̽͘͝b̵̛̜̩̭̟̓̂̑̑͟͞͠b̵̜̜̠̼̝̜̲́͂̽̋̔̀́͌̚͠ͅi̴̱͚̖̗͔̦̟͚̙̤͆̓̃̌͋̊͠͡ļ̸͈̣͙͇̺̥̰̣͗̓͐̓̌͘͟ȇ̢̛͍͖͚̬̬͓̋̀̊̅͋̀̕͝!̡̡̪̳̣̮̠̻͎̿̓͐̄́͘!̴̢̨͚̲͈̝̣͖͇̏̽̃̆͡!̳̫̝̱̟̝͇̇̇̾̋͋̚͜͟" Deadpool and Celestia hid behind the dumpster, where everypony in Canterlot was affected by the jibbilees. "Now everypony has the Jibbilees!" Celestia exclaimed. "Ahem!" Deadpool corrected. "Ok, maybe a few escaped." "Thank you so much!" "Well, I think it's time to raise the sun. Now please, watch my back and keep the painting away." She closed her eyes and focused all her energy to lift the sun. She heard heavy breathing in front of her. "Deadpool?" She opened her eyes to see the painting in front of her. "C̝̬̯̜̜͐̀́͊̒͢͢ȏ̴̥̘̼̬͓͉̖̪̓̾̂̒͑̄̚͜͜͝͞m̶̧̳͔̱͎͈̭̱̠̌̂̒́͋̋̑e̵̡̨̳̫̬̲͇͊̎̒̇͌.̧͉̯̱̲̤̾̃͛̕͜͢͠.̠͍̠̰̥̜̺̍̇̐̋̕̕͘.̡͈̤̹̘͈͚̽̿̾̈́͌́͑̂̊͘ o̡̠̥̭͓̹͇͐͌͊͆͂̆̀͗n̷̡͉̪͈͈̞͖̱͋̌̾̄͊̑̒̕̚͟ͅ.̡̥͕͙̘̺̉͛̓͊̒̚̚͝.̴̧͉̹̙͈̋͋̈̈̑͑͜͠͠ͅ.̵̛̭̩͙͍̙̹́̓͐͑ í̡̞̜͇͔̄̂̂͒͘͝͡͠͠ͅn͖̫͍̬̰̫͓̟̓͑͒͒͞ h̷̞͉̤̻͓͓͔͙̑̓̔̾̊́͌͡e͙͈̘̪̫͍̝͍͑̉̈̅͠r̶̨̼̹͙̫̂͋͂̚͞ë͉̗͍̗͔̖͕͎̔͊̆̂͛!̸̡̯̝̬͖̗͇͖̟̏̆̋͆͗̕͢!̵̗̼͍̲̼̫̰̞̞̦̔͒̅̆̌̐̅͒!̸̡̡̮̤̦͓͔͚͍͋̇̽̍͒̏͛͋̕" "... Not again." She hopped out from behind the trash can and screamed Jibbilees, throwing the painting perfectly in front of the dumpster. Deadpool came back with a sandwich. "Sorry, was making dinner." He spoke "What did you say?" "C̶̡̬̘̱̳̖̀̏͊̀͋͌͐̀͜͞ố͈͎̹̺͇͓̳̊̅͠m̧̨͍̗͔̙̠̀̄̆͛͗̕͜͝͡ę̸̡̲̜̰̲̤͗̇́̔͑̓͌̓̚͢͢ o̶̟̝͖̼͈̗̠͋͆̃͢͝͠ͅn̵̜̬̩̙̜̣̲̲̍̒̅͛͛͞͝ ĩ̢̨̛͎͖̠͍̿͂̑̌̊̒n̢͚̗̦̳͚͕͆͆́̈̕̚ͅ h̢͖̬̺̯̥̒̍́͌̍͗̈͒̆͂͢e̵̛̘̼̫̮̭̪̝̗̭̼̋͊̈̍̾͒̏͐͘r̷̛̪̥͙̟̆̎͋̑̐͟͝e̡̛͕̙͖̗̒̄͌̌̎̋̐͘!" "Come right in there? Okay, if you say so!" He walked into the painting, seeing that it was a dark cave inside. "Whoah! This looks like those Crude, early 2000's Microsoft Paint animations you'd see on Newgrounds. Hello~! I came right down in here!" M. A. Larson appeared in front of him. "Ȟ̸̛͇̟̺̞̫͈̹̖̻̂͊̇́̇̈͘ͅơ̸̗̭̰̺͍͈͙̗̭͐́̅͑̄̀̕ẃ̦̟͉̱̞̻͕͐̔́̆͊'̡͇͙̣̣̦͕̳͖̤̌̔͒̆͌s̡͈̥̜͙̳̯̹̾̒̂͛̌͟ ĭ̸̡̦̗͎̦̝̲͔͖̊̽̂̈͘͞ṱ̸̙͙̭̯̃́́̔̀̀̋͛̚͘ ģ̴̛͉̤͙̼͍̦̣̳̈͛̂͛̈̋͂̀̉ơ̝͍̰̟̠͉̲̗͇͂̋̍̄̈̒̆i̷̡̥̘̞͗͌͋̌͟͡n̞̠̮̤̟̾̃̀̍͌͘͝g̷̹̱̙̘̯͍̳̯̰̏̈́̾̾͜͝,̢̱̻͍̒̿̀̎̆̃͢ m̶̧̨̘͉̼̤͍̠͇̘̐͐̆̐̈́̊͆ă̷͉̙̣̲̦̜͓̈̅̀͆̒̔n̨̩͈̼̾̔̾̎͟͢͡͠?̵͉̠͈̲͔͍̯͓̹͐̍̋̾͑̿̆̀́͟" "Pretty good, Creep Show. Is this your crib?" "I̶̫͖̹̼̯̪̿́̑̈́̇͝͠t̶̛̤̩͕̗̱̬̙̿͐͋̐̃̿͐̃͢'̸̢̙̼͖̯̭͌͋͑́̔̓͜s̸̨̙̮̺̺̥̣̍̋͗͛̕͜ n̴̞̣̹̗͔̗͔̣̔͑̂̇̊̄͑͘̕o̶̥̠̪̥͍̜̊̄̊̍̀͘t̥̱̲͉̋̂̆̄̀̓͘͢͢͟͠ m̨͙͍̝̱̱̤̜̘̆̾͂̽̀͢ů̵̧̳̭̯͖͉͂͑̃̌̕c̴̯̠͔͓̤͖̖̻̆͆̔̄͐͑̍̕͜͡ͅẖ̢̢̨̯͈̭̟̯̹͆̒́̐̉,̶͎̼̰̝͕̩̦̾̿́̑̀͠ b̨̥̖̱̫͉̓̍͒̇̀̓̏̄̈́̇͢ͅủ̵̢͎͍̯̮͙͕͆̅͌̚t̸̬̫̗̰̥̤̝̩́̍̅͂͊ į̖͍̤͕̺͔̈́̃́͗̆͗͗̌̉͟͢t̵̢̢̹͎̜̙͎̍̂́̔͌̓͆͐͟͞'̶̫̭̖̲̟͚͉̈̑̿́̚̚s̴͈͉͉̝̭̺͚͗̆̎͂̄̂̋̃͢ͅ h̰̲̙̣̳̪̓̑͋̑̀ồ̵͉̹͔̖͓̬͌́̚m̵̢̛̠̝͔̩̹̹͙̳̃̆̇̏̂ȩ͖̙̭̙͈̋̎̓́͞.̡̛̞̖̲͆̈̄̾͆̑͑̃͜ Į̛̛͙̹̹̝̰͉̪͐͐̾̍͌͢͜͡ p̪͉̝̗̣͈͂̀̽̅͛͒̑̿ͅl̥̭̥̙̦̮̮̜̝̜̅̌͛̚͞a̵͇̰̥͓̅͛̽͂̉ͅṋ̵̡̢͉̩̀̎̉̏̀̂͞ t͉̤̳̰̺͉͇̅͆́̿͘ở̛͎̗̹͕͖͎̂͋́̂͜͟͝ r̵̢̯͙̖͍̲̟͙͂̾̇̋̚e̡̢̨͎̪͕̳͙͎̎͆͛͑̀̌d̶̢̨̡̜͎̰͓̈̌̄̿̀̽̾͘͘o̼̞̰͎͍̫̩̺̿͌̌͗̾̔̚̕͝ t̯̖̣̰͓̠͒́͆̒̐͊̈́͝͝h͚̬̼͖̭̞̪͖͋̓̃̓͢͞e̵̡̡͖͉͍͉̙͐͒̅͆̉͑̉͞ ḱ̪̟͔̘͚̏̃̐̀̑̒͑͝i̡͔̼͙͎̞̽́́̚͠ţ̖̫̣̰̣̐̎́̆̒̎͐ͅc̪͙͙̮̹̏̈͂̉̀͐̈́̊̀̕͢h̡͔͇̱͔͎͌͐̄̾̕͡ͅę̡̖̖̻̬̗̮͊̀̀̀͆͆͟͡͞ń̸̡͈̬͙̳̙͛̉̔̇̌̍.͓̝̖͇̪͗̌͌͗̇̀̀̃̕͞" "Well, that's some great news. Listen, uh... why did you 'jibbilized' everypony here?" "I̶̡̲̭̠̗͎̬͇̾̽͊̈͘͡ ǰ̨̫͕̥̤͙̇̇͒̂̎͘̕͜͡͝ư̶̧̢̰͚͇̰̪̍̑͛́̉͊͘͞ͅͅş͎͙͍̾̀͊̉̐̈́͒̉̆͟t̵̢̧̢͙̪̠̦̀̓̀̑̍͘͢ w̵̡͕͓̗̦̆͒̎̀̓̈́̋̚͜͜͟͡a̘̫̗͇̤̓̓͌͋͛̔̾̄̕͝n̶̛̛̰̹̹̠̜̼̬̈̓̿̃͐̎̎͟t̞̠̺̱̼͖̞̖̑̇́͋̈́̕͢ẻ̴̯̠͙̹̩̙͛̅́̑̕ḑ͔̘̘͙̖͆͒͑͌̍ s̶̛͈͎͉͍̱̬̍̉̃̿̽͑́̃̅͟o̼͎̤͚̲͗̋̋̎̈͝m̸̧̛̝̩̥͖̍̄̇̂̚̚͢͡ế̜̰̘̓͊̍͆̒̽͜͢͡͡o̢̺̰̘͇͇̼͐̈́̿̏̌́̇͠͞͝ň̛̥̗̼̘̹̞̟̬̭͕̀̂͛̃͠͝͡ė̴̝̤̠͎͙́͊̔͒̓̓͘̚͟͞ t̸̡̧͔̬͕̩͇̤͕̄͆͌̓̔ǫ͙̬͉̃͌̈́̔̓̐͜͞ ç̷̜̠̟̱̣̬̈̊́̅̅̑̕͟͝͞͠o̸͚̜̣̮̲͕̟̍̇̍̇͘͜ͅm͔͈̫̦͎̦͕̂̀̓͋̅͋͜ͅẽ̷̢̱̖͉̮̺͔̱̄̑̒͐̈́͛̚ͅ o̵͚̗̺͓̗̖͑̑̃̔́͞ň̢̢̩̰̠͇̦̥̒̓͑͊ i̶̢̖͖͎̬̍͆̇̊̔̑͌̈n̴̢̼̦̮̫͇̲̒̍̒̀̔̌̈́͐ h̶͔̫̲̬̠͕̩̪̉̽̑̈́͋e͔͚̯̥͈̹̭͕̎̒̇̅͒̏̍͐͗͝r̸̛͎̲̲̗̪̗̐̒̎̑͘e̻͔͔̝̤̻̘͌̽̃̍͆͒̓͠͝!̡͖̜͈̰̝͈̞̟͎̈́̾͛͞ I̴̝̳̱̫͍̪̮͇̋̀̒̄͐̄͋̉̏͌͟͟ l̡̠̣̠̲͐͌͆̃͘͢ͅo̗̰͇̰̠̳͑̇̋̚̚̚͠ͅv͉̜̬̻̺̟̼́̈́͛̃͑̊ͅé̵̝̣͕͓̜͎͇̖̏͌̌̔̊ t̴̢̘͇̱͉̠͕̥̲͐̍̔̈́͌͞o̵̡͈̤̹̠͙̪͐̿̐͐̄ e̵̬̼͇̝̖͌͌͐̎́̋ṇ̛̬̱͍͚̳̯̓̿̇́̃̋͢͟͞͞ṭ̢̙̜͓̮̎̈͛̀́̒͘͟ͅę̡̛̘̺̻̙̲̽̎͑͛͛̌r̴̮̹̪̠̝̣̪͚̼͂̿̎̾͊͐́̇͝â͕̮̮͇̥̹͔̔̎͒̐́͠͡͡i̴̠̥̪̫̩͕͖̰̼̼͐̎̇͌͠n̨̫̫̺͚̮̰̙̮̒̽͋͑͑͋̂̌̂͘ͅ!̠̣̩͍̠̦͋̋͂̄̃͜͝ͅ" "What about that gal?" The Heavenly being herself, the Fausticorn, waved to them. "Ț̡̧̩͉͓͉̣͇̆͒̋͊̿͐̅́̌̐ͅȟ̶̛͎̞̗͖̗̳̈̓̽͑ȧ̠̘̦̤̜͎̰̔̽̍̂͗͊̃͜͞t̶͎̦̝͚̆̑̏́͌͜͡ ģ̻̗͎͍̺͙͔̅̄̓̇͒͜͢͞i̵̢̨̠͉̳̦̻̜͑̈́̅̔̀͘͘r̡̪̥̮̉͒̋̌͊̈́̓̕͟͠͞l̡̛̜̙̮͆̌̆͛͟͢ h͓̘̪̝̃̀͌͊͘͜ā̶̧̧̪͍̥͚̃̌͗͘͠͡ş̨͈͇̼̳̬̆̏̍̒̑̀͢ s̯͈̬̞̮̗̈̃̌̽͐̕͡é̷̙̰̠̜̼̇́̀̈́͝͡͞r͖̯̞̯̙̅͊̽̾͢͟͝ī̶͇̼͇̰̘̓͌̇̚o̸̡̮̩̣̤͓̘̊̿̔̍̚̚ͅͅu̴̪̪̣̗̞̫͈̫͒̊͊̍͑̈̀̏̂ṣ͕͉͙̯͕̳̤̦͋͒͗̽͝͡ p̧̬̤̤͈̀̂̇̄̇͠ͅr̝͔̦͎̺̘̯̼̮̋̐̑̑̚o̷̡̡̘̰͖͙̞̝̫͊͊̽̓̕̚͜͞b̵͍̭͕̮̟̳̹̆͊̾͐̅̾͐͢l̵͚̱̹̖͒͆̂́̏͊͜͝͠è̗̫͔͎̼͚̦̥͔̅̐̃͌͆͊̅͡͠m̵̙̬͚̖̥̪̃̑͛̑̏͐͟͢͡ͅś͙̼̼͍̦̬̲͐́̍̅̏̽̊͟." "Oh. Well, if you entertain ME, will you unjiblify everypony?" "Y̸͓̠͍͕͍͖̘̒̿̾͗̋̉̅̔̄͢͟͠È̠̼̯̣͉̮̫̤̘̋͑̆͗̎̔̾͝ͅŞ̴̣͙̰͎̌̽̑̎͌͒̿͛͊͘͢!̵̘̖̺̦͖̞͉̩̔̏̈̉̐̑̏͊͟͟!̧̢̖̳͔̜̎͌̀͊̎ͅ!̷̦̻͙̺̥̂̊̿̀͌̇́̕ B̵̭͍͔͕͉̺̙͔̓̏̾̈̅͞ͅừ̻̹͙̞̩̤̅̚̕t̢̛̯̳̟̤̜̤̣̫͋͊͌̆̀̋̍̅̕ ÿ̧̻͓̙͇̩͚̮́̋̉̊̇͐̈̏ǫ̵̧͎̖̟̜̥͔̤̔̈̅̍͊͗͘͝ų͔̻̻̙͆̔̂͊͐̇̑̉ ḩ̵͎̖̼̘̫̗̣̟͗̀̒̃͊͋͡ͅḁ̵̡͚̪̮̯̓̉̾͌͜͝͝v̢͎̦̩̫͌͆̂̒̆̉̏͟͠ë̘̘̭̪́͆̇̽́̄͜͝ͅ t͓͙͍̯͓͚͆́͆́̏̆̚͞ǫ̨̟̭̘̯̞͓̹͉͒̀̐̓̄̊̆͠͞ s̷̞͖̳̣͉̩̳̟̿́͊̈͐̑́̎̎͜t̼̹͕̻̭͋̀̓͂͗̎͛̀͠a̠̩̻͉̣͌̅̉̔̀͌͘͝ỳ̳̳̘͎͚͖̩̿̾͐͌͗̓͢͟͟ w̛͉̖͙̮̩̭̱̔́̉̓̊͐̽̅̚͟i̧̛̦̣̠͕̻̱̜͚̲͆̔̉́̒͋͆͝͠t̨̢͖͕̪͈̺̗͙̄̍͆͝͠h͇̻̠͓̖̲͔͛̓͂̾́̊̌͡͠ m̶̥͍̗͖̮̙͊͊̓̋̐e̪̼̤̊͐̾̑͊͐̓̀̿̕͢͢ f̼̲̬͈̹̹͔̹͚̑̉̾͑͗ͅǫ̶̟̺͎̲͍͈̜͇́̍̀̋̍ŗ̴̛̺̦̜̞̰̉̏͒̀͂̂̍͋ a̸̡̝̙̯̖͈̻͍̘͑͋́̿̉̈́̈́̋̄͟l̶̥̫̰͕͖̰̑͆̄̑̔̌͠ͅḷ̸̟͖̥̱̤͔͇̀͂̇̐̒̕͟ e̪͈̮̟̪̩͎̜̍̆̈́̒̒̓̇͐͢t̷̡̜̲͎͉̘̻̗̬̪͋́̐̏͒e̶̝̭̫̫͉̻̜͔͈̟͆̏̉̎̿̿͘ṛ̶͎͙̞̤̜͔̫͊̍̍̓͊́́͂̕ņ̳̼̱̙̭̤̯̏͛̇̆͐̚͢͟i̱̪̩̓̂̆͆̕ͅͅͅt̛̗̮͓̤̳̖͇̹̏̃̎̏̾́͘͞y̮̗̫͉̰̞̳̯̟͋͛̀̅̈́̄̓͊͌͟!̧̗̯̤̮̩̟̖̍̽̎̓̀" "Oh, no sweat. I LOVE Eternity!" "Ṭ̛͍̱̠̼͚̰̀̐̎̀̓̾̕͢͡͠h̷̡͇̣̱̣̭̳͂͒͐̒̂͘͝ě̢̤̹̙͎͋̂̋̉̀́̕ņ̷̬̖͈͍͆̄̑̀̉͊̃̉ͅ i̸̪̻͈̣̐͆̓̉̌͟͡ţ̴̱͔̺̖͉̝̻͂̏͋͑̉́͠ i̶̜̯̟̠̻̟͙̼̹̊̀͋̎̔̅̓̓̕s̸̛̻̼̺͎̣̜̝̝̆̓͗̍̎͟ d̨̢̛̻̼̖̉̽͐̌͜͢͢͝ò̷̲̳͎̞̣̰͕͓͔͑̂́̚͘̚ͅn̸̡͚̣̹̝̘̏̀̎̾͑e͉̟͉̹̳̘̯̺̊̀̄́͐̚͞͞͡ͅ!̶͓̟̲̭̝̘͉͍̳̈͆̒̇̕͝ Ȩ̶͚͙̹̪͚̺̌̅͋̌́͢ŗ̶̨̨̩̥̣͓̻̬̿̿̅̈́͋̊̆̆̋̀e̡̳͙̰̙̩̘̼̓̾̈́̎̀͢ḩ̶̥̝̼̞̖͇͕͍́͗̆͊̀͑ ṅ̷̨̬̩̫̳̗̙̫͇͌̅̐̐̄̊͐̈́͝i̴̢͎̘̝̭̣̓͒͂̅͟͞͞ͅ ṉ̸̛̛͓͔̻̯̂̎̀̚͘͢͠͠͠ơ̵̧̫͈̩̗̭͑̓̅̍̈͑̑̕ e̶̡͓̭̬̺̖̓̀̾͒̔̇̉̓m̴̢̧͚̦͓̥̜̋̉̄̀̃̚͞ǫ̴̬̞̻̗̆̋̂̉͊͌̏͛͌͡c̗̮̠̗̼̹̫̲̖͔̐̎̉̇̃̋̑̾͝!̶̘̘̻͎̺̣̅̉̒̎̅̾̉̀̕͝ " Celestia jibbilied away before stopping, breathing hard. "The jibbilies are gone!? We're saved!" Cadence and Shining Armor walked in. "Us too!" They spoke in unison. "Cadence! Shining! You're alright! Everything's back to normal!" Luna walked in. "Has anypony seen Deadpool?" "... Yeah, where is he?" Inside Luna's closet, resting on Tirek's head, was the painting of M. A. Larson and his special guest, Deadpool, both sitting down and having a tea party. Why weren't we in this special!? Well, now we're shoehorned in. Thanks a lot, idiot! Author's Note Ok, the NEXT chapter is the movie. Had to get this out of the way first. No disrespect for M. A. Larson. I'm sure he's a great guy, but I just wanted to make fun of him similar to how South Park does with other celebrities. And sorry, no Fausticorn speech.
The Pillars of Harmony: 222-225. Cattail, Mage Meadowbrook, Stygian, and STARSWIRL THE BEARDED!!!Author's Note Ok, I know I said the movie was next, but think of it like this; the Hiatus is here, which will give me plenty of time to do the Movie chapter, which will probably be the longest chapter in this fic, since it's following the movie with it's scenes and dialogues... and bastardized by Deadpool's actions. -.'.-'-. .-'. -. -./\.- .-' -. /\_|\ .--. /\_\_\_\_\' .-'.-. -./.-""-..- ' -. /< (()) >\ .-' - ./__-..-'\_\_\' .- ,...-./___|____|___.-'.,. ,-' ,. . ',-, ,-' ______________ -, ,'/\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_\ / /\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\ / /|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\ ' /\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_\ .' /\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\ ,' /|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\ ,,---''--...\_\_\_...--'''--.. /../\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_|\_\_\_\_\_\ ..----...\_\_\_...-----,, '../__|_____|_____|_____|_____|___\ \ ) '.:/|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_\ ( / )\ / ) ,':./____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____\ ( \ /( / / ( ( /:../__|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|___\ ) ) \ \ | | \ \ /.../|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_\ / / | | .-.\ \ \ \ '..:/____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____\ / / / /.-. (= )\ .\_.' | \:./ \_ \_ *\_* *\_\_* *\_\_* \_ \_ \_ \_ \_ \_ \_ \_\_\_\ |._.' /( =) \ (_) ) ./ |\/| |_) |__ |___ |___ X X \/ | \ ( (_) / \ ----' """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""----' / \ ___\_ __ __ _ __ _ _ __ ______ ___ _/___ / \ (=\ \ (_ |_ |V||_)|_ |_) |_|(_ / | | |_ | / /-) / \_)_\ \ _)|__| || |__| \ | |__)\___|__| | | / /_(_/ \ \ / / ) ) _ _ ( ( ( (,-' -..\_\_ \_\_..-'-,) ) \_.-'' -..\_*\_* \_\_\_\_..-''-._/ -.\_--...\_\_\_\_...--'' \_.-'-.._ _..-' -..\_\_ \_\_..-'-..\_*\_* \_\_\_\_..-''`--...____...--'' The Pillars of Harmony: 222-225. Cattail, Mage Meadowbrook, Stygian, and STARSWIRL THE BEARDED!!! Deadpool walked through the swamps while dressed up as a poor man's version of Man Thing. "Ahem! It's Swamp Thing." He corrected. "And no, not from Injustice 2, folks at home, but from the cartoon, with one of the world's worst cartoon intros by ruining "Wild Thing."" Sadly, it's true. We should do that if anyone has a Swamp Thing story and wants a crossover with us! "DO IT!!! I'm open!!!" Ahem, Deadpool traveled through the swamps, but stumbled upon a small village, with many of the folks covered in orange polka dots, and sneezing lightning. This looks serious. "Yeah! It looks like that contagion scene from Blood C." Which we aren't going to show because that scene is f**ked up in an already f**ked up show! "Hell yeah! Hope there's no demonic, shape shifting rabbits around here." But we need to help these ponies. "Ha! I think I already got an answer!" Deadpool made a stand in a few seconds then stood behind it and began to blare some air horns, getting everypony's attention. The crowd moaned and some walked to him, looking like zombies. Without hesitation, Deadpool put on a medical mask over his face. "Greetings, everypony in this fair town! I see you've all got yourselves in quite a fever." "Swamp Fever." A mare coughed. "Well have no worry, for I bring you something that can help cure this plague!" He pulled out a bottle. "Modern medicine!!!" The ponies looked at each other in confusion. "Instead of relying on the nearest witch doctor, you can use this as a means to keep yourselvesd from getting sick and cure your illness in a few days!" "A few days?" A stallion asked. "That's right! Anyone willing to try?" The crowd stood, but a lone mare with small branches growing out of her body approached and drank the bottle. She coughed a bit. "It's sour!" "Yeah, couldn't really make different flavors." Deadpool replied. "How you feelin'?" "Like... pretty good." The branches fell off of her and the polka dots disappeared. The crowd gasped at the sight. "In fact, I feel GREAT!!!" "Who wants some medicine!? Only 10 bits a bottle!" The crowd ran to him with ponies buying the bottles. A blue mare with a red, Marge Simpson looking hair style, wearing a blue and yellow, toucan mask, walked in. "I found the cure!" She announced in a Cajun accent "It's the Flash Bee's Ho-!" She paused as Everypony was cured and Deadpool was on a pile of bits. "Sorry, Missy," Deadpool spoke. "I know this is your legend, but inflation's on my side!" "And that's how Deadpool cured the village from-" A short, brown, huge dark yellow bearded stallion spoke before stopping. "Hang on... I don't remember him." "But I do!" Deadpool spoke, popping in from a window. "I'm Rich, BEEOTCH!!!" Deadpool ran away. 1 Week later. Deadpool followed the Mane 6, Starlight and Sunburst to where Starswirl's journal said they went missing. "Why do we need Deadpool again?" Starlight asked. "Protection." Sunburst replied. "And I want to see some Starbusrt action!" Deadpool added, bouncing his eyebrows suggestively. They all approached to something that looks like the Stonehenge. "I KNEW IT!!! Starswirl's an alien! Illuminati confirmed!!!" "This is the Ponhenge." Twilight corrected. "And I can't believe it." "I've never seen magical runes like these before!" Sunburst added "Have you?" "Uh-uh." "I don't think anypony's seen any of this for a long time." Rainbow Dash added "You don't say?" Deadpool asked. "It'd take a whole team of ponies to clear away all this brush." Applejack spoke. "Or just one guy." "Even then, I'm not sure we'd find out what happened here over a thousand years ago." Fluttershy added. "I might!" "You're right. I suppose it was a long shot." Twilight sighed "Cheer up, Twilight." Spike encouraged "Finding a whole set of ancient ruins is pretty impressive. Maybe you could write a paper on it." "I guess I hoped we'd get here and the mystery would just magically be explained." "And That's lazy writing." Deadpool added. Twilight dropped Starswirl's book onto a pillar, making it and the pillar glow. A hologram of Starswirl appeared. "HOLY S**TOH!!! It's him!!!" "I don't think he is here." Sunburst spoke, touching the hologram before pointing. "I don't think any of them are." Holograms of Flash Magnus, Mistmane, Somnambula, Meadowbrook, and Rock Hoof appeared on their own pillar. Deadpool sweated a bit under his mask. You've done f**ked up. The Holo-Star Swirl blasted some magic at the well, summoning a giant black pony made from some ooze, which laughed evilly. "You summon me at your peril, Star Swirl! Once I defeat all of you, this realm will embrace the darkness as I did so long ago!" He let out a roar, entangling the legends in vines. "Drawing me here will only make me stronger. You will never defeat-!" "Wait! WAIT!!!" A hologram of Deadpool ran in, breathing heavily. "Ok... one second here... look, this is basically Princess Luna all over again! Part one wanted something, party two said no, party one turns all edgelord and stuff and tries to kill everyone, and party two has to beat them. My question is simply, why don't you be more persistent, Stygian? Why don't you-?" The Pony of shadows stomped on Deadpool. Starswirl lifted his book, as did everyone else (minus Flash), and made a pentagram, trapping the pony of shadows and Deadpool. A large flash came, and everyone was gone. Everypony turned to Deadpool. "... Oh great, time travel shenanigans." Deadpool groaned. "But I did make a good point." It was at that moment that Cable appeared behind him. "WADE!!!" He announced before Deadpool took his device. "Yeah, yeah, I know." Meanwhile Deadpool, the legends, and Pony of shadows floated throughout limbo. "... So... Who wants to sing?" Deadpool asked. Everyone groaned. "I know a perfect song!" ♬It's a world of laughter A world of tears It's a world of hopes And a world of fears There's so much that we share That it's time we're aware It's a small world after all! t's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small, small world♬ "Enough of this torture!" The Pony of Shadows begged. "Agreed!" Star Swirl added. "We need something else to pass the time for eternity." ♬There is just one moon And one golden sun And a smile means Friendship to everyone Though the mountains divide And the oceans are wide It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small, small world It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small, small world It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small, small world It's a small, small world.♬ "... Is it over? Rock Hoof asked. "Nope! Again, but in spanish!" Deadpool replied. "NOOO!!!" Everyone screamed. When all of the artifacts were gathered, including Flash's shield (found in Deadpool's armory), a portal opened and all of the legends were dumped to the floor unceremoniously. Each of the Mane 6 grabbed a hold of them and dragged them before they were crushed by a boulder. Deadpool landed in the middle. "Whoo! That was relaxing!" Deadpool cheered. "How's everyone doing?" "No! Please!" Somnambula groaned. "I'm too familiar with how small the world is!" "You already ruined our lives!" Flash growled, holding his shield. "And we're now free!" "Let's all take turns." Rock Hoof added. The Pony of shadows arrived. "You sir, are the most evil being I've ever meet!" He spoke to Wade. "Here, have this worthless peon!" The shadow monster literally spat out a small, gray unicorn stallion with a blue mane, wearing a peasent's coat. "You're mine, Deadpool!" "... Yeah, sorry, don't need another symbiote." Deadpool replied. "But I will use these!" A Power Rangers-Eques theme played as he grabbed the legends tools. "Mask of Meadowbrook!" The mask slid onto his face "Blinds of Somnambula!" The blinds wrapped around his head, making it a headband. "Flower of Mistmane!" The flower went over his right ear. "Shovel of Rock Hoof!" The Shovel went into his right hand. "Shield of Flash Magnus!" The Shield slid over his left arm. "And Starswirl's fanfiction!!!" The journal opened and went over his torso. Deadpool posed in his 'battle' outfit. "It's a journal!" Starswirl yelled "HA!!! Your silly costume means nothing to me!" The Pony of Shadows roared. "You and I will become one!" "I doubt it. FLASHLIGHT STRIKE!!!" "ECH!!! LOVE!!! GET IT AWAY!!!" The Shadow creature screeched. Deadpool swung the shovel. "Luckily, I've been watching Wakfu." He swung the shovel at the shadow, whacking it's cheek with it. It looked rather confused. "What the-!? How-!?" "WAKFU!!!" He whacked it on the head several times, making it become smaller. "Qui savait qu'un Anime français pouvait être aussi bon avec une meilleure animation que celui du film de haute qualité du Japon?" Mais bien sûr. C'est comme Teen Titans. Le poney des ombres a fait partir les Teen Titans! Allons le tuer! "Allons-y!!!" Deadpool whacked it one final time before jumping into the air and decapitating the shadow monster. "Let this evil never return in a millions years! ... Or, another 1000 years." "I will return..." The shdaow monster spoke before oozing into the floor. Deadpool turned to the others, who watched with shock expressions. "... What!? You should've listened beforehand and not assume he was going to take your spot. Sheesh, and people say cellphones ruin communications. So remember kids, know what you're talking about, and get every detail in there so the people you're talking to won't kick you out of their group." And knowing is half the battle! And knowing is half the battle!
Movie Spoilers. Ponies 226 & 227, (Hippogriffs/Seaponies) (2 & 3/ 1&2), (Possible) Griffin #4 , and a Kitty! Tempest Shadow, Songbird Serenade, Queen Novo, Princess Skystar, Captain Celaeno, And Capper... whatever Gruber and the Storm King areDeadpool woke up in a cage. "Oh crap! Did we miss that party!?" I wouldn't be surprised. Look! Monkeys! "Monkeys!? Where!" Deadpool looked around, only to have his cage smacked by something. Turning, Deadpool turned to see what was a large, monkey looking creature wearing black armor and mask, which had an emblem of light blue lightning. on it's sides and chestpiece. Looking, Deadpool saw that like him, everypony was in a cage, or in shackles, acting as slaves. "... What the f**k!? Why are we always so late!?" Maybe if you had planned things ahead, none of this would happen. Plans, schlams! We have one thing in life! "Skills! With a Z at the end!" And how are we going to get out? You should use your head. "Oh yeah!" Deadpool headbutted the lock on his cage. The lock came off and the cage opened. Ugh... idiot! We're geniuses! The weird, large monkey creatures noticed and spoke to each other in their weird language, surrounding Deadpool's cage. "Hey, sorry to go, but I have to check on my Mooncheeks!" He teleported away. They all screamed and ordered each other to be on the lookout for Deadpool. Deadpool slammed opened the throne room and walked in. "Oh mooncheeks! I'm He~re!" He announced, seeing her, as well as Celestia and Cadence's silhouettes, standing still. "Ooh! You're right here! Listen, babe, I apologize for not being at this here friendship festival, but Equestria has so many parties, I begin to wonder if this is just a different version of totalitarianism." Like the Emoji movie! Why did we watch it on Pornhub? Deadpool walked over to Luna and rested his head on her side. "So, can you forgive me?" Silence. "... Giving me the silent treatment, eh? Well two can play!" Well you lost. "Come on, speak to me!... How about you two? Care to forgive me?" Silence. "... We need some light in here." He opened the curtain, showing the petrified statues of the three princesses. "AHH!!! DISHONORED 2!!!" The door to the balcony opened, revealing a very tall, Satyr-like creature, wearing the same armor like the large monkeys outside, but showed his face. "Oh? A guest?" He asked rather mockingly. "I know the place needs some redecorating. It reads too much like a girly thing, and I need something better." Deadpool stared for a bit. "What's the matter? You see a ghost or something?" The satyr's voice made Deadpool remember the past... back in 2009, the X-Men prequel that ruined his reputation. "YOU!!!" Deadpool pointed. "Oh great, a pony lover. Look, I don't care how you feel about them, but-" "Liev Schreiber! Sabertooth! 2009! X-Men Origins: Wolverine! The movie that made 'The Merc with the Mouth' into 'The Merc without the mouth'! The single movie that ruined my reputation!" He stared at him. "... I don't recall meeting you. The name's Storm King, not... whoever you're saying. If you think I'm soneone else, then you, my friend are-" Deadpool pulled out twin assault rifles. "Where'd you get those?" "EAT LEAD, MOTHA F***ER!!!" Deadpool pulled the triggers... only to hear loud clicks. He looked at the magazines, seeing no bullets were in them. "... S**t." He was grabbed by the face. "Attempting to kill the king!? How ridiculous! I am the Storm King, the future ruler of all lands! And as soon as I get the last Alicorn, their magic will be mine, and I will-" "Boo! Tirek did it!" Storm King blinked and saw his hand had a rock in it instead. Deadpool sat on the throne. "Sheesh, this is SO soft! But boo! Tirke already did that! And he's in hell!" "Tirek? Please, I'm more of a legend than him, and-" "Legend!? You were just introduced to the movie! No one knows who the f**k you are! not even the princesses... I think. Say, what happened to them? Why are they frozen into statues?" "... I need their magic to rule the world." "So you froze them?" "Yep!" "... You froze... my Mooncheeks?" "Don't know who that is... oh! You're dating a pwetty pony? That's so sweet!... Bleh! That's gross, even for-" "I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!!!" Deadpool charged at the Strom King, only to be blocked by one of his hands, with him leaning and yawning. "As I was saying, this is pretty sad to see someone like you, who I will admit, looked a bit cool, only to have that all wipe away when you said you're dating a pony. I mean, what do you see in them? They're nothing more but dumb, fun having creatures that-" The door opened, revealing a different unicorn with Twilight in a cage, dragged by two other pony slaves. Said different unicorn was a dark purple with a darker, Mohawk mane, and in the same armor as the Storm King wore, but her right eye had a scar, and her horn was broken. "Your majesty?" She asked, rather surprised. "I have captured the last princess and-" Her horn zapped a bit, and Deadpool was pulled to her side. "... Magnets, how do they work?" He asked. "Oh goody! Set her up over there." Storm King ordered. "And we seem to have a bit of an intruder in our hands... or hooves... please, dispose of him for-" "You are so cute!" Deadpool spoke, rubbing the unicorn's cheeks together. "Who's a good fiwwy? Who's a good fiwwy?" The unicorn groaned and threw her out of the window. "I WANT MY SNUUUUUGLES!!!" He crashed on the floor, breaking every bone in his body. Ouch. Let's do it again! The large, monkey creatures surrounded him, speaking in their weird gibberish. Deadpool got up, healed up by his healing factor. "Listen, fellas," he began "can't we all just get along and settle over a pint?" He was picked up by his face. "I guess not." He teleported away, making them all yell in anger. Deadpool landed on another and looked up, seeing the castle glow, and the Storm King on the balcony with his staff mix, making the sun and moon raise and set. If I were to guess, he took the princesses magic in that staff of his. I thought it was his personal toy. "Or a pole he practices with." Deadpool added. "And we'll have to get back up there." Deadpool teleported right back to the action, as the Storm King was about to make a literal storm in Canterlot. "Yes!" He cheered! "Now we can make this storm go! And I will-" "What is up with you villains on wanting to rule the world?" Storm King turned to Deadpool. "What the-!? Tempest!" The broken horn mare looked at Deadpool with an annoyed look. "Seriously, why do villains always want to rule the world? Have all the literal superpowers is one thing, both comic book wise and geographically wise, but what are you gonna do after that? Just sit there and be bored until someone, or some people, start talk of a revolution? And you're no Aku, good sir. Besides, we all know you're gonna betray... Tempest Shadow, was it?" "Bah! You know nothing about us!" "Except that you're a one dimensional, pony hater, and she's your slave because she believes that you will give her back her horn?" An awkward stare came from the two. "How did you-?" Tempest asked. "I heard your song just now. Really good vocal ranges!" Tempest turned to the Storm King. "Is he right? Are you going to betray me?" "Besides me considered 'one dimensional'," The Storm King replied. "Of course! I don't care about your stupid horn! You think I care about ponies? Even those who worship me?" He shoved Tempest next to Deadpool before aiming his staff at the two. "Say goodnight, pony!" "Heh, no." Deadpool mockingly spoke, slapping on half of a helmet over Tempest's face. The helmet was sharp looking, kinda similar looking to a Queen Xenomorph from the alien movies, but had a sharp looking horn on it, and had a curve in where the head piece should be at. "What the-!?" Tempest spoke. "What the hay are you-?" "We're gonna get ourselves some revenge." Deadpool put on the other half of the helmet. They began to glow. "This is gonna get weird, but also awesome!" Like magnets, their faces, and bodies were pushed together, side by side, until they were seemingly put together. Storm King covered his eyes from the sheer brightness. Right outside Canterlot's marketplace, a cake was wheeled in by the rest of the Mane 6, with Spike on top of said cake, acting like a figure, with a bipedal cat next to them. "Uh, excuse me," he spoke, "I'm here to deliver a cake for the Storm King and-" BOOM!!! An explosion of light exploded erupted from the Princesses' castle, with a figure falling from the sky. "What the hay!?" Applejack yelled, getting out of her shackles. "We're too late!" Rainbow added. The cake 'melted' as a bipedal, griffin pirate captain and others, along with a hippogriff that was, well, skinnier and leaner than Silverquill. "I knew this plan was stupid." The captain spoke. Pinkie squealed and pulled out a boombox. "PINKIE!!!" Rarity yelled. "Now's not the time for music!" "Oh yeah! HIT IT!!!" Pinkie pressed the play button. Landing in the middle of the market circle, was a bipedal pony-human hybrid! The helmet was the one Deadpool put on with Tempest, but the body itself, while having all the feminine parts, looked pretty masculine as well. It wore a breastplate that stopped at it's knees, with metal boots and gauntlets over it's hands. The armor had the blue coloring of the Storm King's, but it's symbols was Deadpool's face, with the black armor having a bit of a red tint to it. "We are one," it spoke. "We are... Tempool!" The Storm King's guards charged at it. Tempool charged at the one in front of him, grabbing and tossing him into the air, before delivering a powerful kick to one of it's allies. A surge of electricity came through Tempool's body, making it slam it's fist to the floor, releasing a shockwave of electricity to some nearby guards, making them stop in place and twitch. Following it's move, Tempool pulled out one of the stone spheres and threw it point blank at one of the S.K.'s guard's face, turning it into stone in a few seconds. Swiftly, Tempool grabbed the statue turned guard and slammed it at another's face, shattering the statue in the process as it knocked the other out. A huge crowd of Guards charged at Tempool. Smirking, Tempool teleported away, reappearing in the middle of the crowd, tripped all of them, and delivered a devastating punch to their faces that may have knocked a few teeth out, followed by breaking their jaw. More of the SK's guards came down from their zeppelins, surrounding Tempool. Tempool jumped onto the fountain statue, pulled out 2 M4 Assault Rifles, and, with a bit of it's electrical charge, fired a barrage of electricity infused bullets that either hit their exposed skin and/or released a surge of electricity in their armor, making them stop. When all of the surrounding forces were down, and Tempool's rifles were out of ammo, not only did it dispose them, but it charged at one of the grounded zeppelins that were releasing more of the SK's guards. Tempool's speed increased with each second, and more lightning came out, which zapped each lock off of everypony's cage, freeing them. The front of the SK's guards were lucky, only having been knocked down and zapped away, as the further back ones turned into ashes, and, when Tempool was in the Zeppelin, it exploded, firing the Tempest-Deadpool hybrid out with only a few scratches and burns, landing in front of the rest of the mane 6 and friends, who's mouths were utterly dropped, minus Pinkie, who was dressed up like Thor and smiling. A glow came from Tempool, and both Deadpool and Tempest were seperated once again, with tempest looking in utter shock. "What... was that?" She asked. "A short fusion taken from Dragon Ball Z." Deadpool answered and winked. Out on the streets, the Storm King came out. "Alright!" He yelled "That... was freaking cool! I won't lie! But... not only have you made my soldiers look like babies attempting to walk, but you made my army retreat in utter fear." Above, the zeppelins flew away. "So it looks like it's up to me to show them that you're nothing compared to the might that is-" "You talk too much." Deadpool spoke, delivering a punch to the SK's nuts, making him wheeze and fall to the floor. Wade picked up his staff. "Oh no!" Tempest spoke. "Listen! Be careful with that! That's-" Deadpool easily snapped the staff effortlessly with both of his hands. The magic flew back to the castle, freeing the princesses from their stone prisons. Wade picked up the Storm King and threw him off the side of the balcony. "Pinkie!" Pinkie saluted and tossed Deadpool two more M4 Assault rifles. Deadpool turned around with his assault rifles and unleased all his bullets at the Storm King as he fell to his death on the hard floor. The Storm King fell to the floor with a faint splat noise. "F**K YOU, SCHRIBER!!!" He pulled out a grenade launcher and fired all the grenades at the SK's corpse, leaving only a small, black crater, and a couple of limbs around. It was then followed by Deadpool unzipping his pants and peeing on the crater, relieving himself thoroughly. Such a beautiful work of art. It's overkill if you ask me. "It's both." Deadpool zipped up his pants and turned to the other, with the princesses, having watched the scene unfold. "... What!? He was an a**hole! I'm a d**k! D**ks f**k a**holes. But, I think we have a party to start here!" A change of plans was made with the Sia pony, Songbird Serenade. After her BORING, more sad tune filled song that could work for an indie movie, Deadpool and Luna stood on stage, with Deadpool and every guy dressed up in their own suit, and Luna with every other gal dressed up as if they were Carmen San Diego. It didn't take long for a certain upbeat song to play. Here we go, off the rails Don't you know it's time to raise our sails? It's freedom like you never knew Don't need bags or a pass, Say the word, I'll be there in a flash You could say my hat is off to you Oh, we can zoom all the way to the moon, From this great wide wacky world, Jump with me, grab coins with me, oh yeah! It's time to jump up in the air, (Jump up in the air), Jump up, don't be scared, (Jump up, don't be scared), Jump up and your cares will soar away, (oohoohooh), And if the dark clouds start to swirl, (Dark clouds start to swirl) Don't fear, don't shed a tear, 'cause I'll be your 1-Up Girl (You'll be my 1-Up Girl) So let's all jump up super high, (Jump up super high), High up in the sky, (High up in the sky), There's no power-up like dancing, You know that you're my Super Star, (You're my Super Star) No one else can take me this far I'm flipping the switch, Get ready for this, Ohh, ohh, let's do the Odyssey! Odyssey, ya see Odyssey, ya see Odyssey, ya see Odyssey, ya see Odyssey, ya see Odyssey, ya see Odyssey, ya see Odyssey, Odyssey! Spin the wheel, take a chance Every journey starts a new romance A new world's calling out to you Take a turn, off the path Find a new addition to the cast, You know that any captain needs a crew Take it in stride as you move, side to side, They're just different points of view Jump with me, grab coins with me, Oh yeah! Come on and jump up in the air, (Jump up in the air), Jump without a care, (Jump without a care), Jump up 'cause you know that I'll be there And if you find you're short on joy, (Find you're short on joy) Don't fret, just don't forget that You're still my 1-Up Boy (I'm still your 1-Up Boy) So go on, straighten out your cap, (Straighten out your cap), Let your toes begin to tap, (Toes begin to tap), This rhythm is a power 'shroom (oohoohooh) Jump on it; You're the Super Star (You're the Super Star) No one else can make it this far Put a comb through that stache, Now you've got panache Ohh, ohh, let's do the Odyssey! It's time to jump up in the air, (Jump up in the air), Jump up, don't be scared, (Jump up don't be scared), Jump up and your cares will soar away, (oohoohooh), And if the dark clouds start to swirl, (Dark clouds start to swirl), Don't fear, don't shed a tear 'cause I'll be your 1-Up Girl (You're still be my 1-Up Girl) Now listen all you boys and girls, (All you boys and girls), All around the world, (All around the world), Don't be afraid to get up and move You know that we're all Super Stars, (We're all Super Stars) We're the ones who've made it this far Put a smile on that face, There's no time to waste, Sooo, let's do the Odyssey! Deadpool took off the bottom part of his mask and delivered a passionate kiss to Luna, with fireworks exploding behind them, getting more cheer for them than Sia. And in that kiss, Deadpool kicked the weird Stitch-Bunga look-a-like that was Gruber. Author's Note I wanted to follow the ENTIRE movie, but that took take WAY to long to do... plus, Thor Ragnarock came out, so I had to do that scene. The Deadpool-Tempest hybrid's a mix of these 2 pictures I found. Helmet more based off this, but the rest on this.
A late Christmas special: Pony 228: Star TrackerThe roads of Canterlot were filled with joy, as Hearths Warming had arrived. Snow poured from the sky, as family's trotted, going to their relatives homes to open more gifts, spreading cheer for all to hear. However, amongst them, crowds parted as Deadpool angrily strolled through. *Mr. And Mrs.Cake* When a cold wind blows it chills you Chills you to the bone But there's nothing in nature that freezes your heart Like years of being alone *Fancy Pants* It paints you with indifference Like a lady paints with rouge *Jet Set and Uppercut* And the worst of the worst The most hated and cursed Is the one that we call Wade. *Snips and Snails* Unkind as any And the wrath of many This is that Deadpool, Wade. *Random ponies* Oh, there goes Mr. Humbug There goes Mr. Grim If they gave a prize for bein' mean the winner would be him *Handicapped ponies* Oh, Scroogey loves his money 'cause he thinks it gives him power If he became a flavor you can bet he would be sour Even the vegetables don't like him! *Griffins* There goes Mr. Skin flint There goes Mr. Greed *Recolored Cappers* The undisputed master of the underhanded deed *Random ponies* He charges folks a fortune for his dark and drafty services Us small folk live in misery It's even worse for those with curses "I͍͚͎͇̹͗́͂͘͠ j̡̨̩̘̜̫̖͇̬̞͋̃̓̏͌ų̸̻͇̲̟̾̀̆̈̓̒͟ͅs̡̩̝̹̩̦̮̪̖̀̏̽͒̊̎̓͟͡t̖̩̠̱̦̯̘̏͂̓̈́͒̅͋͘̕͞ w̸̢̲͙̫̻̗͎̥̼͗͛̈̊̋ą̷̭͈͇̯͓̫̹͉́̋́̇̔͋̚͢n̴̨̗͇̣͉̍̽͊̉̈́̊͐̆̕̚ṭ̷̨̛̳̤̪̞̃̌̓͛̂̀̄̕ ḩ̜̟̳̱̼͕͐̄͐́̏͠i̜͖̗̥͔̰̦̿̃͒̉͗̍s̸̢̨̗̩͇̹̻͈͖͓͗͑͋̀̔͛̂͊͞ s͉̫̻͙̟͆̓͆̏̏̽͋̓̔̓ơ̶̳̲͖̜̩̣̲͑̄̊̚͟ų̷̗̙̮̗̗̅̌̉̿̌̍̇̐̔͠l̶̰̬̰̥̜͇͇̪̰̿̀́̅͡!̶̺͚͚͚͓̣̙͖̐̔̾̀̓̽̆̕̕"" *Carolers* He must be so lonely He must be so sad He goes to extremes to convince us he's bad He's really a victim of fear and of pride Look close and there must be a sweet man inside ...Naaaah! Uh Uh *More ponies* There goes Mr. Outrage There goes Mr. Sneer *Button Mash with a puppet* He has no time for friends or fun His anger makes that clear *Workhorses* Don't ask him for a favor 'cause his nastiness increases No crust of bread for those in need *Cursed ponies* Ñ̡̧̯̼͚̰͙͚͈̹̏͋̄̏̇̑̔ȏ̷̲͓̣̳͇̯̖̝͉̋̽̊̒̕̚͡ ś̡̨̠̱͍̈́̃̏̚̕͜͝͝ő̵̳͚̠̱̠̠̟̻́̎̿̽͊͘͘̕̚͢u̧̡̟̝̱̬͋͗̎͂̋͛͂͆̔͡l̨̲̗̗̯̫̣͒̓͒̉̚͝ͅì̡̨̘̩̤̦͎̱͑͐͋͞é̶̢̡̛̛̻͇̳̖͑̓̋́s̖͚͖̝̖͂͑̑͞͠ ḟ̵͖͚͙͍́̈́̀͂̉̓͜o͕̺̝̹̺̽̔̈̈̓͟͡ŗ̜͔̤̮͇̩̩̈́̓́̅͜͞ͅ u̮͕̳̜̙͚̙̰͈͐̋͗̊͆̉̄̃͟ş̞͍̯̝̞̠̜̓̃͋́͆̔̕͢ͅ m̶̳͖̘͖̔̀̏̓͋͊̄̌͘͢ͅè͔͍͖̥͈͐̈̐͘͘͠͠e̩̪͇̦͇̪͈̠̿̄̌́̓͗͊̓͜ṣ̡̢̤͉̹͔̮̃͐̂͑͂̕͝͞͡ȩ̴̡̛̛̙̮̠͕̌͑͋̃̂̉͆̅s̥̞̺̬̪͐̒̀͟͝͞ *Everypony* There goes Mr. Heartless There goes Mr. Cruel He never gives, he only takes He lets this hunger rule If bein' mean's a way of life He'll practice and rehearse And all that work is paying off 'Cause Wade is getting worse! Every day, in every way, Wade's is getting worse "F**k ya'll just say!?" Deadpool yelled, turning to the ponies, surrounding him in front of the castle. Everypony turned and ran away. "... Humbug!" He entered the castle, shaking the snow off his body. "Yo! Mooncheeks! Ya'll here!? I came to wish you a Hearths Warming-" THWANG!!! Deadpool fell to the floor as Celestia hit the back of his head with a Frying Pan, Luna next to him. "You really think this will help out Hearth's Warming?" Celestia asked, cleaning the frying pan. "I'm sure, sister." Luna answered. "And hopefully, make somepony's dream come true." "... Think we should check?" "Oh yeah!" They both pulled a bottle out and drank it." Deadpool woke up to see that he small in a somewhat messy bedroom and- "Oh s**t! I'm in Tales from Tinies! MrAquino! Stop shoving your voraphilia agenda down my throat!" Uh... this isn't that... I was going to say that you're an action figure. "Wait, what!?" Oh my god! We're an awesome action figure! Indeed. Hope we're actually used by a child and not held on Display for some loser's room. ... Why are you all looking at me like that? But, ahem, yes, Deadpool was now an action figure, and next to him was a stallion, about a young adult, probably just have graduated from High school. His coat was light purple with an unkempt, dark yellow mane & tail, both with a bleached stripe in the middle of it. Like Deadpool, he too was a toy, but he seemed excited. The stallion approached to Deadpool with a huge smile. "Hi! I'm Star Tracker!" He spoke. Deadpool groaned and snapped his neck... but being a toy, it didn't do anything. "Is this a Hearth's Warming dream coming true!?" Deadpool leaned forwards to Star Tracker. "NO!!!" He delivered a hard punch to Star Tracker, launching him across the room. Star Tracker remained unphased "This is so cool!" Deadpool threw a car at him. "Wow, this is not as painful as I would-" A train was thrown at him. Star Tracker appeared next to Deapool, holding up a gun. "Grabbing this thing!" Deadpool groaned, picking the gun up and pulling the trigger, only for nothing to happen. "Bulls**t!" He threw the pistol at Star Tracker's face, who didn't blink. Star Tracker gave Deadpool a teddy bear. "Her you go, I got this for you!" Deadpool groaned. Luna looked around her. "Celestia?" She asked. "Are you here?" Celestia appeared right behind her, as a cat. "Nya!" "Really?" "What? It's my only time to goof off." "H̨͓̺̰̗̎̑̔͗̒̿̇̿ḛ̡̢̺̪̝̲̱̘͎̅͆̃͛̄̿̈̂y̢̛̹̫̬̗̬̪͔̺͂̊̎̏̎́͜͝ k̢̻͈͚͖͉̲̝̾̽̃̍͑͛̔̓͋͘͟͢n̨͈̪͔͔̈́͛͊̾̓̀͟u̴̙̜̜͔̝̜̞͛͒̽̐̎̈́͟͡c̸̡̼̱̩͕̼͚̜̋̇́̓̋̒͐̀̑́͟k̶͙̰̯͎̣̜͊̌͂͐̓̆͜͢͡ͅl̯̻̣͓͚͎̄̈̂̒̕e̵̙͈̞̭̟̞̘̾́̿͂͗̅̆̀͟͞ĥ̢̝̪̙̭̠̣̜̈́̌͐́͗̐ẻ̴̢̪̞̮͎̬͔̀́̓͡a̷͇͙̱̳̳̒̓̀̾̔͂̇d̷͎̘̗̞̤̂̇̀̈́́͜͢ŝ̡͖̝̱̜̩̓̐̑̄̃͐̕͠͠!̲̣̟̠̞̐́͛̅̐͝" A demon appeared with a roar, hopping to them. "Y̢͍̰̗̲̣̏̂̉͊̀͊͑̄̔ͅȯ̵̢̝̖͕̰͈͆̿̉̇̋̌͟͜u̖̭̝̩͍͎͇̠̺͒̆̍̿̕'̴̧̪̳͚͙͉͕̽̌̆͗̃̃̕͟͜͠r̡̛̼͈̹̪͖̓̾̀͛e̢̬̥̳̟͕̗̐̀͆́̈̌͋̕͢ ȧ̢̪̭̬͖̰͆̆͋̍̄́͜͢͜͢l̘̭͈̥͎̐͑̎̍̎̔̉̊́̕l̷̛̞͓̥̣̦̥̈̆̀̚ ḽ̴̳͈̥͖̤͙̎͌̆̓̇̄̕̕͝ŏ̷̡̰̼̼̗̌̀͆̈́͘͠s̸̗̱̪̹̲̬̬̤̥̿̅̓̆̓̄͊̚͜͠ḛ̡̢̭̺̇̀̉̀͑͊̆͂͐ŕ̡̯͔͙͉̮̻̰̰͗̋͊̋͗̿̿̊͝ş̸̠̖͇͕͙̅̏͋̽̌̿͆͝͡!̷̲͓̟͉̗̭̾̀͆̒̂͊̉͑̓̕ I̤͎͎̗̗̩̥̬͂̎̀́̈͠ͅͅ'̷̢̻͈̺̦̹̲͈̥̃͋̓͆͘͝m̮̭̺̳̩͓̼̘̍̓͋́͋̈̂ g̨̬̣̥͕̪̜̖̣̳͐͐̍̌̊̀͡ǫ̛̙̟͎͐́̽̇͋̀̀̕͘͟ņ͈͙͖̙̺̲͈͉͔̀̐͆͂͋̏͋͗n̨̩̯̫̤̔̿̂͗̂͋̿͑͜ą̙̜̯̼̝̩̟̿̈́͂͛̍̕͠͠ ḫ̢̭͔͇̤̘̙̻͋̄͒̇͋̔̄̚ͅę̷̛̠̻̘̥͔͖̠̄̈̉̚͟͢a̢̨̨͕̲̓̐͐̽̚͡d̢̨͙̹͔͓̱̗̆͋̅̆́͆̈̽̓͢͜͞b̶̢͕̩̗̩̬̱̱̣́̐̽̅͆̓̑̓ų̡̲̰̤̤̐͂͐̈̀̄̂̀̃͜͢ṯ̥̫̼̻͎̠̿́͂̽̈́̉̉̕̕͢͡t̸͎̯̩̠̰͓͖̝̬̏́͗̾̊ͅ y̩͍͙͚͎͓̏̆̎̍́̋̍̅͂͜ͅa̵̢͇̞̰̔͗̐̾͘͢͞͡͞!̷̧̛̺͕̖̬̩̀̏̇̓͢ͅ Ḯ̸̡̢̝̮̳̊̐̇̉̾͒̕͟'̷̨̛̫͙͖̤̝̺̠͑͑̒͆̂͐̾̀͢͞m̛̖͎̠̝̙̤̻̲̟̓͑̆͒̿̐̾ ǵ̵̺̳͍̞̬̠͐͋͋͢͠o͓̠͕̱̟͐̀̒̂̐̋͛̍̃n̞̩̫͍͉͕͌̓͋́̀ǹ̛̦̦͍̭͚̹̘̓̑͗̍́a̯͇̠͍̻̅̌̋̌̊͐̿̊͠-͉̗͍͖͇͉͉̭̑̇̆̓̾!̧͉̝͕̺͑͛̃͑̌̕" The demon stopped in front of Celestia. With a mischievous smile, she blasted Luna out of the way with her magic, right as the demon exploded. "Hey!" Luna yelled. Celestia turned with her smile. With only a pancake and a baseball bat, Luna made a machine gun. "I'm the dream master here." She blasted a barrage of bullets into Celestia, who took it all like a sponge. The machine gune ran out of bullets, in which Luna leapt to the weapon and tore it apart. She made another smile, with Luna frowning. Both Deadpool and Star Tracker stood together on a counter. "Hey! Deadpool!" Star Tracker spoke. "Watch this!" Star Tracker began to dance in front of Deadpool, though, it was Twilight dancing levels type of bad. Luckily, it ended, as he pointed at Cable, on the floor, bleeding out. "HELP!!!" Cable yelled. Star Tracker threw a bottle of pills at Cable, which exploded, throwing the mutant across the room and splattering on the wall, and a huge holler was heard. Deadpool was picked up by Rick and Morty's Bird Person, who kept saying "The bird is the word", as Star Tracker was approached by tortoises. "Aww! Aren't you all so-" The tortoise tackled Star Tracker, making him fall off the counter. "AHH!!!" He landed right on the back of a derp eyed Queen Novo Hippogriff. "... Yay! I'm saved!" His saviour lifted it's tail and farted, which bursted into flame, and made it into a rocket. Deadpool, however, was taken to Bird Person's nest, where he was surrounded by turtles. One of them tackled Deadpool. "Ah! Someone save me from the weak, defenseless turtles!" He pleaded. His answer came from Star Tracker screaming, with the Novo rocket hitting the nest, and making it explode. Both fell down from the sky and screamed their heads off, feeling like it was an hour of falling. Deadpool landed straight into the floor, with Star Tracker hitting on the handles of a desk, with the top being regular, the second having some cacti, the third being flowers, the 4th being shot by turrets, and hitting where nuts would be on the final one, falling and wheezing in pain. Celestia was dressed up as a gangsta with Luna. "Yo U Godda Daye Dose Shoos Bluu + cream SSSSSunn, Bluu + cream! Butt mayc sho yu geet paanz and a half 2 mach! Or else that s**t would look silly, yo!" Luna grabbed Celestia's face and threw her into a chest. "Why did I even bring her here?" She asked herself. Looking to her side was nothing. Below was a drug addict, and above was JPeg of some cat. She opened the chest, only to see a Storm Trooper Helmet. "Boo!" A random Biker yelled, kicking Luna, and making her neck snap at the edge of the chest. M-Ma-Ma-Monster Kill!!! The biker drove away, but gave Celestia a high five. Luna got up and slapped Celestia in her face. "HELP!!!" Star Tracker screamed. "No!" Deadpool replied. "Ok..." "Pills here!" The voice of an old man yelled. "Uh oh! A smoker!" Sure enough, an old man with a cigarette fell next to Star Tracker. "SMOKER!!!" He screamed his head off. "Goddammit!" The old man slapped Star Tracker, making his face look like Arnold Schwarzenegger. "A spy!?" Deadpool asked. "Yeah." The two had a stare down, but was interrupted by Star Tracker, who had a bottle of pills. "Ooh! Candy!" He cheered, opening the bottle and drinking it all down... only to then get ripped. Being so ripped, he punched Deadpool and the old man, with the latter getting stuck to a wall, and the former smacking into a giant computer. Star Tracker put on some sunglasses. "It's time to kick ass and kick ass... and I'm all out of kick ass!" Due to MrAquino's laziness and the need to upload a Christmas special, we will cut to the ending, as this is is just a ripoff of Kitty0706's Holiday special with the Heavy Weapons Guy. RIP, Kitty. "Faust bless us, everyone!" Star Tracker yelled, wearing a copy of Deadpool's mask. Deadpool picked up Star Tracker and place him on his lap. *Deadpool* Well, I've met someone who touched my soul And made my world brand new *Deadpool and Star Tracker* There's part of me, a place inside That now belongs to you The love we found The love we found We carry with us So we're never quite alone *Everypony* The love we found The love we found The sweetest dream that we have ever known The love we found The love we found We carry with us So we're never quite alone Author's Note Yeah. I got lazy. Sue me. I just follow a lot of Post Modernism, aka, #sorrynotsorry
TF2 Analysis Anarchy replacement. Dragon #5, Ponies #228-236, and... a Frieza?. Teric Dragon, Mad Munchkin, Thespio, Eliyora, AnY, Lightning Bliss, Sweetie Bloom, Keyframe, Voice of Reason, Goldenfox, Mary Sue and... Sub-Zero.Author's Note Funny thing. Before the news with ToonKritic, I actually had a funny PWNY-Verse-ish fic where a tiny ToonKritic was going to be the new kid in South Park: The Stick of Truth, with him in the episodes following it, and the Fractured But Whole. This whole news scrapped that idea. Consider this as a fun little chapter before the Season 8 premier. And, if any of the Analysis crew is reading this... can I get a microphone to make this joke work? I can do my best Deadpool impersonation, and follow through with the changes! TF2 Analysis Anarchy replacement. Dragon #5, Ponies #228-236, and... a Frieza?. Teric Dragon, Mad Munchkin, Thespio, Eliyora, AnY, Lightning Bliss, Sweetie Bloom, Keyframe, Voice of Reason, Goldenfox, Mary Sue and... Sub-Zero. "What to do, what to do?" Dr. Wolf spoke to himself as he paced around his office in his engineer clothing. With the news of ToonKritic's illegal activity, and the blue soldier and red spy about to arrive, they needed a replacement for the blue pyro until they found someone that would work. Firebrand walked in with his Medic outfit. "Any luck, Doc?" He asked, sounding a bit concerned. "No, not yet. Seems nopony's available at the moment." "Yeah... never though ToonKritic would do that. It's a shame, really. I had a scene where-" "HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!!!" The voice of Deadpool hollared, right as he crashed through the wooden ceiling, leaving a hole and planks of wood around, some of which are sticking into his back. "AHH!!! SPLINTER!!!" He jumped, exposing his left hand's index finger with a single small splinter sticking out of it. "Oh great, him again." "Now, now," Dr.Wolf spoke in his calm demeanor "let's all calm down here. Fin, assistance, please?" A blue pony with an engineer's outfit came right in with a salute. "Right on it, Sir Mr. Dr. Wolf, sir!" The pony went to Deadpool and took the splinter out of his finger. "There we go! Need me to help get rid of those planks of wood sticking out of your back, Mr. Deadpool, sir?" "Eh, nah." Deadpool replied. "Next to the T-Rex, the dinosaurs feared the Stegosaurus." "Okie dokie, sir!" He ran as fast Pinkie and fixed the ceiling in only a few seconds. "All done! Now to make cookies for everypony!" "That will be fine, Fin." Dr. Wolf spoke right before Fin left. He turned back to Deadpool. "Now, what is it you're here for now? We don't have an appointment until much later." "I know, little pupper." Deadpool replied. "But since Season 8 isn't out until a while, and I didn't see any of the leaked episode like the c**t, MrAquino and other Bronies, I decide to be your replacement for ToonKritic as he does time for doing that f**ked up thing to that minor!" Dr. Wolf and Firebrand looked uncomfortable at the mention. "But relax, I'm not gonna hold on to that! My mini me's already doing something fun with him, something... poetic." "... Can I kill him?" Firebrand asked with annoyance in his tone. "Not now." Dr. Wolf answered. "We are short of one class for the meanwhile, and no one's available at the moment." "Yeah. And your brother, even as the Pyro, would be too OP for everyone to handle!" Deadpool added. "Seriously! That's one big Mutha F**ka! I swear, all these dragons want to eat me!" "And... why do you say that?" "Your brother looked at me like how I do with tacos." "... I will have a word with my brother about that." "Plus, who are you going to get? Sub-Zero!? That guy's TOO OP!!! He's a F**king Dragon Ball OC! That anime's all about overpowered characters beating the s**t out of each other! Only way to beat him is getting Super Man, but that already triggered a few fanboys reading this, or, by a slim chance, is actually a video right now with me being voiced by my loser writer himself." And awkward silence. "...And... how do we know that you can actually be a good pyro?" Firebrand asked. "Everyone practically knows that you're, as you put it, OP to be part of this training session." "Well, Mr. Grumpy Pants." Deadpool spoke, standing up and leaning to the flame haired unicorn. "If you need to know, just like in TF2, The pyro and I are both schizophrenic psychopaths that see and hear things with our overactive imagination, unable to decipher what is real and what is fantasy, wanting to spread our happy-go-lucky cheery nature, only to, in reality, burn and kill everyone we see." Firebrand and Deadpool had a stare off. "... Touche." "And, you need a red and black character that's not a complete edgelord. You've seen me. I am NO Edgelord. Cynical, yes, but I use it WAY better than the piece of s**t that will be Teen Titans Go To The Movies." "Yeah. I can see that. But what about your healing factor? And if you can wear blue?" "Oh, I got both of them ready. Excuse me." He jumped into the next room, making loud crashing noises, before coming out wearing a blue costume of his own costume. "Ta-Da! I'm like Eiffel 65 because I'm Blue (Da Ba Dee Da Be Die)" "Ugh! Don't you dare sing!" "Alright, chill, I just wanted to make that joke." "Yeah, and how do we kill you?" "... I think your Scottish gal can do that. Especially if someone were to... touch her hat." The door was busted in as Mad Munchkin, the Scottish pony in a soldier outfit. "Don't you dare touch the hat!!!" She growled, holding up her rocket launcher. "Or else it's lights out for ye!" "A Scotsman threatening a Canadian!? I wonder if I saw this before." "Ahem!" Firebrand spoke, getting their attention back. "As I was saying, if you feel that way, then feel free to join, but know that this is only temporary, and you're not getting paid for this." "The only payment is blood and the tears from my enemies." Deadpool spoke in his best Shadow the Hedgehog voice before disappearing. "... Can we have everyone blow him up now?" "Later," Dr. Wolf replied. "For now, we should let him do what needs to be done. Besides, it's rather fun to have someone else join us." "Don't make me regret this." Deadpool landed right in the middle where all the Blu team members were at, making them all jump. "Howdy!" Deadpool spoke, wearing a cowboy hat before putting it on Golden Fox's head. "The name's Deadpool, and I'm here as your temporary pyro until a new one is found to replace the Touching critic." REALLY!?!?!? What? You don't like touchy subjects? "Uh... yeah... thanks..." Keyframe said uncomfortably. "Can we uh... not talk about him?" "Ditto!" Lightning Bliss added. "I just want to have fun!" "That, I can, ma'am!" Deadpool spoke, picking up and giving Kim a noogie. "Been a long time since we've met, Kimmy!" "And I thought I was out of your grasp." She groaned. "Uh, Hello? Is this thing on?" The voice of Mary Sue spoke. "Uh, yeah, like, the round will begin in like, 10 seconds, so get your butts ready!" "Alas, blood will spill on ze land!" Thespio spoke in his best french accent. "Let us move and-" A familiar tune was heard. "Who posted this song in the wrong map!?" Sweetie Bloom asked. Their answer came as they saw Deadpool dancing to it. ♬Two to the one from the one to the three time for the killing... who's with me?♬ He teleported away, appearing next to Ink Rose, lighting her on fire with a flamethrower. ♬Your skill is jogging? Mine is burning! Well? Off to your dead shipping!♬ He held up a picture of her and Firebrand's ship pic befroe burning it away. ♬Three to the one from the one to the three no coffin can contain me.♬ He appeared right before AnY, lighting a fuse and exploding the stallion. ♬Merely finished what your liver started. The black German cyclops. Dominated!♬ He telported onto DrWolf's head with as he looked over the battlefield, making the wolf fall off the roof. ♬Giddy up now!... to hell. I murdered your toys as well.♬ Dr. Wolf's sentries blew up, with Deadpool landing next to Silverquill. ♬So many burns, so little time.♬ "Deadpool!?" Silverquill screamed. "Peekaboo! Now die!" He blasted fire at the hippogriff, making him run around, screaming his rooster noises. ♬Your precious devils won't save you now. Who will replace you? Anyone!♬ He popped right behind Voice of Reason in his Deadshot outfit, pushing the pony off. ♬You disgust me, Suicide squad man! Perhaps Rotten Tomatoes will help you kick the can!♬ Deadpool landed in the middle and danced with his team. ♬My mind is sharp My flames aren't bound My suit is fully retardant And I still look magnificent♬ ♬Two to the one from the snort to the FIRE! You handsome devil... Is everyone your desire?♬ ♬You know... hiding won't save you! I'm coming for you!♬ ♬Pyro to the point, and abracadabra! I will claim this point for Canada!♬ ♬Gentlemen, I make it look easy! Gentlemen, you forget about me?♬ He appeared right in front of Firebrand, showing a G3 version of the medic, causing the pony's eyes to burn and run in pain. ♬Does it hurt when I show some G3? Ahaha... go buy some bleach.♬ He threw an axe right at Eliyora's head, where she fell, and Deadpool leaned to her corpse ♬You are an embarrasment to Pyros everywhere! Just lay your weapons down and walk away.♬ Deadpool threw some haggis at Mad Munchkin, which released a foul gas, and exploded. ♬Oh, Munchkin, you die for honor! I'm going to puncture you like an old tire.♬ And when the Deadpool saw the breath of his achievement... he wept. For there were no more things to burn. All of the red team bursted in to Doctor Wolf's office. "Get rid of him!" Eliyora roared. "He's a nuisance!" "He brought up Firebrand and Our ship!" Ink Rose spoke. "He called me a German Cyclops!" AnY added. "He just HAD to bring up Suicide Squad." Voice added, throwing a DVD copy away. "Somehow, he mad Haggis a grenade." Munchkin groaned. "He burned me alive!" Silverquill added. Everyone gave him a deadpan look. "What? It hurts!" "Oh, we agree." Firebrand spoke, some rage building in his voice. "We very much agree." Dr. Wolf added in his serious voice. "We decided to call in the BIG guns for this." "Wait... you don't mean-!" Voice spoke with a stutter. "Indeed." Dr. Wolf pulled a cellphone out. "Hello... yes, it's an emergency..." The whole place was burning, with Deadpool in the middle, doing the Bruce Wayne Dance. Do we also have the song "Take on me"? by a-ha. Since we're doing the dance, why not? The floor shook, and, emerging through the flames, letting out a Godzilla roar, was Dr. Wolf's Brother, Teric Dragon. While he wasn't as big as Torch, he was still huge, easily about twice the size of Deadpool's height. "... Well, someone's overcompensating for something." Deadpool spoke. "Hey, it's not my fault I'm so huge." Teric replied. "Besides, I'm not alone." "Oh!? Who'd you bring?" A teleport sound from Dragon Ball was heard, and floating next to Teric made Deadpool s**t his pants... literally. It was Sub-Zero, and no, not the Mortal Kombat one, but Lightning Bliss's husband. "Hey, man," Sub-Zero spoke. "This the problem?" "Yep." Teric spoke. "He's been a nuisance, from what my brother told me." "I heard. Don't worry, Mr. Deadpool, since you didn't hurt my wife, I'll make it not as painless." They both realized he was was gone. They turned to see Deadpool running away as if he was in a GMod video, screaming his head off. "... Care to do the honors." "Indeed. Spirit bomb." In mere seconds, a giant ball of raw energy was made, held up by Sub-Zero's right hand. He threw the ball at Deadpool. A huge, silent explosion came from it, which was soon followed by the loud boom sound effect that made the flames go away, and some weak objects flying away. "Think that did it?" "Yeah. He's going to feel that when he regenerates."
How to get remembered. Another EQG character: That one girlThe blast from Sub-Zero SOMEHOW had Deadpool teleport into the EQG world again, landing through the roof of the building and in the Yearbook computer room. Yelping in surprise was the Jolly Green Giant's and Freddy Kruger's daughter, Wallflower Blush. "Hey! I'm the only one that makes jokes like those!" Deadpool shouted with his voice cracking again. "Ah s**t! Puberty!!!" And landing besides him was Crazy and Stuffy in their own forms. "Whoo! I have a penis again!" "We've had one." "Uh... aren't you three wanted?" Wallflower asked, shaking. "Who's this again!?" "Ooh! She's a one time use antagonist/side EQG character!" "Her name is Wallflower Blush." "Wallflower Blush!?" Deadpool asked. "That sounds like a new weed I'd buy on the streets." "You... buy garden weeds?" Wallflower asked. "Oh come on! This is a high school, and you haven't seen any students here on drugs!?" "What are drugs?" Deadpool groaned. "This is based off of a Kid's show, so we can't expect too much adult content." "Oh, this is wrong, but having ponies rule over a planet for over who know how long and NEVER learning about another race's culture, but instead deems them as monsters that will kill everyone is alright!?" "... Have you gone full SJW?" "Nah! I'm just pointing out how racist everypony is... or is it sepeciesist?" "Hmm... I just got an idea!" Deadpool spoke. "But first," He turned to Wallflower. "Potflower!" "Wallflower." She corrected. "Wallmart! You want to be remembered!?" "Uh... I kinda am now, but-" "No 'buts'! We're gonna make you a star! Do you have a garden?" "Well, yeah, it's outside and-" He grabbed her. "To that garden! We're gonna make a lot of cash!" "C-cash!?" After a long month's of planting and experimenting, Wallflower's economic charts were up the chains as her gardening was turned into- "A flora shop!" Wait, what!? "We saw your obvious weed joke coming a mile away. And Wallflower isn't that type of girl. Treehugger, yes, but she's more of the Fluttershy type who spends more time with plants and raising them rather than smoke them." But... my joke... how- "I gave her shop 5 stars." Deadpool spoke. "All easy when you can bribe people away. But enough of that, take us back to the land of ponies! I hate being a human here! Humans suck!" But... you're still a human over there. "F**k you! I'm special over there!" Fine... Whoosh. Twilight sat down and, after using some dimensional spells, began to read Deadpool's comics. "Sheesh, you're really violent than I thought." She spoke to herself. The door slammed open and Deadpool entered. "You!" "Me!?" "Yes! I demand that the next season be like X-Men!" "... Meaning?" "You're progressive! But the good type of progressive! Not the progressive that Hollywood's shoving down everyone's throats and end up being even less progressive than they say they are." "... Uh... well.. I have plans to make this castle into a school. Share and teach the magic of friendship to all ponies around-" "NOT JUST PONIES!!! Let there be other creatures!" "Other creatures?" "Hippogriffs! Changelings! Yaks! Dragons! Griffons! All those creatures and more! The time of Equestria to finally open itse;f is upon us! People are already comparing Celestia to Trump! DO HEAR ME!?!?!? PEOPLE THINK CLESTIA IS TRUMP!!!" Author's Note Hello, Deadpool here to deliver you on a PSA about being progressive. See, most people think of me as the anti progressive person, and in much respect, I am, but to an extent. I'm not one to start a bunch of racial or sexual issues, not unless I'm the instigator in that situation, or the cameras are on me, but I will be the first to tell you that I do love a good message that's more subtle than forced down your throat. Like a lot of you, I'm tired on how Hollywood Execs have to announce that they're being progressive, but that's mostly because of how hard we think of a minor problem. Biggest point; the Emoji movie. Yeah, it's piece of s**t movie with a literal talking piece of crap in it, but people thought it was the end of the world, but it's really just a bland bad movie that more attention than it needed. Case in point, don't put too much effor on something you don't like. If you don't like it, then don't go see it. Be like me and watch it free on PornHub. Feel free to click on it right here... when it's back up, of course. Also, want more Deadpool in your life Feel free to join this loser's server on Discord! He's still new trying to organize everything and make everything work. https://discord.gg/EYdKQUT
The New X-Force. Dragon #6, Hippogriff/Seapony #4/3, Griffin #5, Changeling # 4, Another Yak, and Ponies #229 and 230: Smolder, Silversteam,Gallus, Ocellus, Yona, Sandbar, and Neigh Say."NO!!! STOP!!! I OFFERED THE IDEA!!! I DIDN'T WANT TO GO!!!" Deadpool screamed as he was dragged by Princess Luna, who had her tired look. "For the last time," Luna spoke "You're going to attend Twilight's friendship school, learn everything, AND stop your shenanigans." "But the reader loves my shenanigans! Isn't that right?" "I don't care who your imaginary friends are, you're going to school! It's bad enough you hid the documents under the pile of filth that is your laundry and we're already a day late." "I am a full grown adult, and I don't have to take this bulls**t!" "If you do this, we'll roleplay whatever you want on the next vacation." "Deal!" Deadpool stood up and ran into Twilight's school of friendship... by crashing through the front door, leaving his silhouette in it like a cartoon character. Every student was in the main hall, who saw Deadpool walk in. He put on sunglasses. "Name's Wade Wilson, Deadpool as everyone calls me, and I'm here to f**k some classes up." "... Did we invite Deadpool here?" Starlight asked. Twilight pulled out her sheet, but had a wide eyed expression. "He's enrolled." "Hell yeah!" Deadpool yelled, leaning against one of the pillars. "Right here to show you guys how a real genius f**ks the education system in it's ass!" "Ooh! The education system's a donkey!?" A pale pink Hippogriff with a sky blue & pale sky blue mane spoke, flying to his face. "... Well, hello there. Who might you be?" "Ooh! The name's Silverstreak! I'm a Hippogriff, as you can see, but wow! You're actually Deadpool!? The hero of Equestria who defeated the Storm King!?" The crowd of ponies spoke to each other in amazement, now realizing who he was. "Ha! Defeated that guy? No, I did not... I f**king killed him in cold blood! No one, and I repeat, NO ONE, messes with my mooncheeks." Silverstreak squeezed Deadpool's cheeks. "I don't see any moons on there." How dumb is this girl? Considering the fact she's been underwater for who knows how long and had to make her own excitement with seashells... give her some slack. "I'm sure he means Princess Luna's butt, Silverstreak."A kinda nasal sounding guy spoke. Flying out of the way, and into Deadpool's face, was a blue griffin with a tan underbelly, yellow tipped feathers on his head, with same colored beak and talons. He squinted his eyes, getting a good look at Deadpool. "Hmm... you're not as scary looking as everyone says." "That's because I wear this mask." "Right... your face is that ugly?" "Oh yeah. But also sexy! And who might you be?" "Gallus." "Pool. Dead." "Make way!" A voice roared, pushing Gallus out of the way. In Deadpool's view was an orange dragon with a lighter underbelly, horns that pointed up like a bull's, but with purple fin going from her head to the back. "So, you're the same guy who beat up Garble & his friends, AND survived being eaten by Torch?" "And avoided a dropped subplot where Ember would be after me." He looked behind, seeing Ember disappear under a bush, but held up a sign that said 'I <3 U'. "You got lucky on those fights. Any other day, and you'd be burnt to a crisp." "And if MrAquino wasn't writing this, I would gut all of them and make myself a dragon scale armor like that from Skyrim." "... Heh, you're not so scary. Name's Smolder. Hope we can see if you are tough as you say." "NOOO!!! YONA FIGHT SMALL MAN!!!" A loud, but still young sounding, girly voice yelled. Stopping after a charge, and stomping her hoof, trying to look intimidating, but was adorable, was a small yak with pigtails. "Little man fought yaks with friends! Yona smash little man! Yak stronger than little man! Yona stronger!" "... Well, aren't you an adorable, little hulk?" Deadpool spoke, kneeling to get her height. "Yona not cute! Yona strong!" Deadpool simply rustled her mane. "D'aww! You're such a cutie!" Yona growled at him. A pale lime green colt with a short, unkempt aquamarine and cyan mane stood next to Yona. "Easy, Yona," He spoke with a somewhat surfer-like vibe. "We don't want another fight here, do we?" He turned to Deadpool. "Uh, s-sorry, Mr. Pool. Yona's learning how to control her anger so we won't have... well, another breakout." "Eh, I can trigger a lot of things. Guns are the easiest... they only have one trigger. Now, where's the last one!? It's a rule of 6 here in this world! Where's the last one?" "You mean Ocellus? She's behind you." Deadpool turned, only to be meet with himself. "... Oh my God! I'm gorgeous!" "Ocellus? There's no need to be afraid." Some blue flames erupted around the other Deadpool, revealing a cyan changeling with blue eyes, a transparent magenta fin & tail, and a red outer wing shell. "S-sorry." She spoke meekly, backing away a bit. "Y-you're my hero, D-deadpool." Deadpool's heart broke... literally. He had a heart attack. "HHHHNNNNNG!!!" He fell onto his back, dead. "... Great! Now I can't beat him up!" Smolder yelled. "Yona can't smash small man anymore!" Yona added. "Rainbow Dash?" Twilight asked. "I'm on it." Rainbow groaned, flying away, but returning with a baseball bat. She swung down onto Deadpool's nut, making the merc got up with a squeeze, going into a fetal position, and tearing up. "Ooh... right in the baby cannon." Twilight gave Deadpool a piece of paper. "There you go, Mr. Pool." She spoke with a smug look. "The classes you'll be attending. And I'm glad to see you're making new friends already." She walked away. Deadpool looked at his list. It was as he expected with any high school; dress making with Rarity, farming with applejack, animal care with Fluttershy, Comedy with Pinkie, and loyalty with Rainbow Dash. However, he paused as, at the very bottom, there was a class labeled 'Combat', with Deadpool being the teacher in the fields. "... Hey! What's up with the last bit?" Twilight stopped and looked back at him. "You'll find out soon enough. And you might like it more." Deadpool looked at the schedule with a confused look. Ooh! What if we're actually teaching these new students a thing or two about combat and make Equestria's own version of the X-Force!? ... I wouldn't be surprised. It was that. Deadpool went to the fields, seeing a note left for him at a shack. Dear Deadpool, It has come to my attention that... you're right. And before you start rubbing it in my face on how the canterlot guard is less than up to the task, Princess Celestia has requested me to make sure that the new students will find a class in which they will use what they learn in the field. I've seen how you are in combat, and while it's less than ideal, it gets the job done. And I've seen how, despite your violent tendencies, you're quite the gentle soul around kids, something I'm sure you saw with the students. Here's to hoping that you can train them well, and so they can train the next generation, and let Equestria have better security. Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle. Deadpool blinked, but opened the shack's doors. Inside was a pocket dimension filled with every weapon imaginable. A single tear fell down Deadpool's eye. "It's... beautiful..." The sounds of Footsteps approached behind him. He turned to see the new mane 6 behind him. Silverstreak looked excited, Gallus was too busy looking at his talons, Smolder had a claw on her hip with a disinterested look on her face, Yona looked like she was ready to fight, Sandbar looked around him, and Ocellus hid behind him. A smirk fell onto Deadpool's face. "So... seems I've become you're teacher, eh?" "Seems like that." Smolder replied. "Well... as your teacher, we'll be doing things under MY rules. There will be no whining, no surrender, and you will follow everything I say!" "Yeah, whatever." Gallus spoke. "Can we go now? Lunch is about to start." "Oh, you will. But here's my first order: Hit me." The simple line made everyone's eyes widened. "H-hit you?" Ocellus asked. "Oh... uh, I'm not so-" "YONA SMASH!!!" Yona yelled, charging at Deadpool with all her speed. Deadpool stood there, not even flinching. The Yak began to build up speed. Her horns, while blunt, looked to still deal damage. In mere seconds, before Yona could hit Deadpool, he teleported out of the way, leaving a boulder in his place. CRACK!!! The Boulder cracked in the middle before splitting into two. Yona looked around woozily, losing her footsteps. "Did Yona do good?" She asked. Deadpool returned with a simple boombox. "No." He replied bluntly. "And I said hit me!" He pulled a boombox out and pressed play. "To make this interesting... all of you attack me!" "Oh, he's so on!" Smolder replied, cracking her fists. "Let's get him!" "I'm with ya there!" Gallus added. "Me three!" Silverstreak yelled. All three flew after him. Deadpool teleported away into a tree. "Up here!" Gallus charged at him, only to be meet with the merc teleporting away, landing on the cloud in his Burt Reynalds resting pose. "Right here, birdbrain." Silverstreak flew up to him, with Deadpool telpeorting again, right near Smolder. "Come on! I said hit me!" "I've got it right here!" Smolder roared, flying to Deadpool, fire escaping out of her maw. Almost immediately, Deadpool grabbed Smolder out of the sky, slamming her to the ground, followed by grabbing her tail, spinning, and making her slam into a tree. "Faster! You were going as slow as a turtle!" He was tackled from Gallus from the behind. The griffin's talons clenched up into a fist. "Heh, I got you." He said with a snarky attitude. "あなたはすでに失ってしまった。" "What the-!?" Deadpool kicked Gallus off, jumping back up to his feet. The griffin was caught off guard, and followed by a flurry of punches from Deadpool across his face. "Muda Muda Muda Muda Muda!!!" Deadpool repeated, which ended with him jumping into the air and kicking Gallus in the face, making him role across the floor. Yona got into his view. "YONA NOT LOSE!!!" The Yak yelled, charging back at Deadpool. Clenching every muscle in his body, butt cheeks included, Deadpool stood his ground as Yona charged. He reached out and grabbed her horns, pushed back a bit, but held his ground. With both grunting, Deadpool began to push against Yona, who looked surprised by how strong he actually was. He jumped onto Yona's back, with the Yak running full speed, right into another boulder. The impact made Deadpool fly off, but he rolled across the floor, standing back up, near the pond. Silverstreak landed right in front of him. "Ha! I have the field advantage here! There's no way you can-" "Look! Something shiny!" Deadpool pointed. She looked behind. "Where!?" Deadpool took a rock and threw it in the pond. "Over there!" "Minemineminemine!!!" She flew into the water, turning into a Seapony. Sandbar ran to him, unsure as how to hit his teacher. Deadpool simply reached into his pocket. "Pocket sand!" Deadpool threw sand into Sandbar's eyes, who screamed. "My eyes!" He yelled, rubbing the sand away. Ocellus stood behind him. She turned into a goat and fainted. Smolder returned with some bark stuck to her scales, Yona, still dizzy, and Gallus with a bruised eye and some teeth. Silverstreak popped out of the water with a pirate's chest. "Look what I found!" She cheered. "Real treasure! Here! AHH!!! Can you believe it!?" She looked at everyone. "... Did I miss something?" "Oh yeah." Gallus replied. "A LOT." "Well, for your first day, you all failed." Deadpool spoke, pulling a clipboard out. "Smolder, you were too slow and relied too much on your brute strength. Yona, you need to slow down a bit and see where you're going. Gallus, you need to be more defensive than offensive. Silverstreak, you need to pay attention and not fall for old tricks. Sandbar... Ocelleus, you were too afraid." All students groaned as he pointed out their flaws... except Sandbar. "What did I do wrong, again?" He asked. "But, you all have room to grow. As a wise dog once said, suckin' at something is the first step to being sorta good at something. And I see that potential in all of you. Understand?" Various murmurs. "... Do we need a round two?" Everyone shouted their No's. "Another rule: You must be ready for what happens next, and be enthusiastic! When the time comes, not only will you be prepared, but you'll be MORE than prepared when the danger comes. You're no longer just a class of students hoping to get that good grade. You're all family; Brothers and sisters in combat, using your unique skills as a whole. Today, you will become... The X-Force! And now... let's do this montage. Cue the music." Inside a shack, all the students cocked their sniper rifle. Sandbar and Yona couldn't grasp their gun well, with Ocellus turning into Deadpool to fire away. With the exception of Silverstreak, everyone kept missing their targets. Deadpool took his measurements with each of the students, getting their correct size, and drawing concept ideas of what they'll look like, along with the class they'll be. All the students ran in, holding various assault rifles, attempting to fire at some targets. Both Yona and Sandbar kept dropping their guns, with Ocellus turning into Deadpool, but tripping constantly. Silverstreak had very little control in the recoil of her rifle, with her falling to the floor and shooting into the sky. Smolder broke hers. Only Gallus performed well, moving and shooting, with some flying around. All the students were given papers on what type of things they would like in their suit, with Deadpool drawing and throwing away some art that did not seem to their liking. An obstacle course was made for all to try to get through. Yona got stuck in one of the holes, Silverstreak and Gallus found themselves tangled in some rope, Smolder splashed around in the kiddy pool, with Ocellus constantly flying into a small bug zapper. Only Sandbar went through the obstacle course with some dirt on him. Deadpool sat in class, with Rarity teaching about the type of threads needed to make better dresses. He snored away, but was waken up as Rarity smacked him with a ruler. A stealth training was on, with the Taco squad acting as security. Yona was easily spotted, with everyone else following suit. Except for Ocellus, who appeared right before Deadpool as him, punching the merc across the face... right before turning back to normal and asking if he's alright. With the help of his Taco squad, Deadpool began to sew the new costumes, that his students would wear, but had some notes over him saying 'No Cute stuff or DC properties'. In a row, everyone pulled a heavy set of rocks as they were pelted with food. While Ocellus, Silverstreak, and Sandbar ran away, Smolder and Gallus stood their ground, but Yanna kept walking ahead, almost unfazed by the throwing food. All the students stood as Deadpool presented their costumes, all with an excited look across their faces. Everyone had grenade launchers. Sandbar and Ocellus were thrown right away after a grenade was fired. Silverstreak, Yona, and Gallus ran away after the explosions came. Only Smolder remained, who cackled away, blowing everything up around her. Various close up shots came as Silverstreak put on some goggles over her eyes, Gallus tied a bandana around his head, Yona put on a metal helmet, Smolder strapped on a mask, Ocelus simply put on a hoodie, and Sandbear put on a cap and a handkerchief. Inside the EEA headquarters, a grey coated unicorn stallion who looked a LOT like Dr. Strange, sat in his podium, looking out into the distance, seeing Twilight's friendship school. "Ugh, it's already been a month, and I can already sense the chaos that's going to happen." He spoke to himself. "When Equestria's enslaved, it will be I who told them they shouldn't have allow those... creatures to join." He was meet with Deadpool in front of his face. "Boo!" He shouted. "Gah!!!" He fell to the floor, but looked at Deadpool. "Oh, it's you. What business do you have? Shouldn't you be... oh, I don't know, try to make a genetic abomination with you and Princess Luna?" "I would, but I'm on a class field trip right now. And to present you Equestria's new, hopefully, top of the line squad that will do the dirty things you're too afraid of doing." "And what's that, exactly?" "Lights!" Small bits of glass broke as the lights above were shot, making the place dark. It was followed by an explosion above, making a hole in the roof. "What are you doing!? This is a building, not a-" The doors slammed open. Landing and walking in was Deadpool's class, similar to Mortal Kombat and Injustice 2's Character pack trailers. Gallas wore something that was similar to Rambo, with an ammo belt around his chest, holding an M4 Assault rifle in his talons. Silverstreak wore some goggles over her eyes, wearing a red, skin tight swim suit, but her claws, mane, and tail were free to move, as she had a .308 Calibre sniper rifle. Smolder wore a more asymmetric looking armor with her right arm more exposed than the other, having a more flame design to it, as she wore a gas mask and held a M32A1-MSGL. Sandbar entered, looking more normal as he had on a cap with a handkerchief, with a baseball bat strapped to his backpack. Yona walked in, shaking the floor, she was in metal armor that was spray painted red with black, which, also trapped to her back, were twin machine guns. Finally, Ocellus entered, turning into each other them, before revealing her true self, in which she was in a simple red and black hoodie. Deadpool landed in front of them. "This is the future, you god damn racist piece of s**t!" Deadpool gestured "The team that will be around to save your old ass from not just immediate dangers to Equestria, but dangers that threaten EVERYONE. We are the X-Force, and like it or not, we're here to stay!" "... Am I supposed to be impressed?" Cricket noises were heard. "Give me a second, kids. Get to your dorms." Deadpool pulled out a tattoo parlor needle. Celestia struggled to hold her laughter as Neigh Say stood in front of her with a tattoo on his forehead that, with some sloppy handwriting, read '#Racist', with some... well, naughty man parts around it. "Are you even listening!?" He shouted. "Oh, I am." Celestia replied, tearing up from her controlled laughter. "Then I demand you close the school down!" "... Sorry, it's not in my power to do so. A school can't shut another school, remember? EEA." "... I will have my revenge soon, Deadpool." "Nah, it looks nice." Deadpool spoke. Neigh Say turned to him, only to be flipped off as he disappeared. Author's Note Before any of you ask, no, this was not meant to be tied in with Deadpool 2. Before I heard news that there was going to be an X-Force, during the hiatus, I thought of the idea of the new characters in Season 8 should become Equestria's version of the X-Force. Now, I'll loosely base it around that.
Catching up.... Hello? New chapter? You up? Uh... I don't mean to interrupt you, but we're being read right now. W-wha-!? Hey! Wade! Get off your lazy ass and do something funny and random! We're not actually a part of him anymore... at least not now. What? Then what's going on!? Nothing's going on. It's just us two... most likely floating in oblivion. Why though? Well, assuming the smell of marijuana from the reader and various shrines of Adolf Hitler right behind them, it's 4/20. Wait. What!? Yep. Today is 4/20, and- No, not that. Adolf Hitler was born on 4/20!? We've discussed this multiple times already! Hitler was born on April 20th! Uh... right... so... what are we going to do? I don't know... maybe put a PSA about the dangers of smoking weed? That sounds fun! Kids, smoke weed! It's good! NO!!! What the f**k!? It's not good! Right. Smoke weed after your brain is fully developed, so... when you're 25. No! We can't tell them that! Tell them the dangers of it! What dangers? Alcohol kills 88,000 people a year. Tobacco kills 480,000 people a year. But weed has never killed anyone! Not unless you count the drug dealers. And we as people have been doing it for a millennia. Excuse me!? Yeah. We grew it as a crop over 8000 years ago, in 440 B.C.E, Heraditous wrote about the ancient tradition of cannibus steam baths, and in America for many years, marijuana has been available for over the counter medication. Hell, weed was available for many years and no one cared about it. But... something must've changed, right? Easy: 1930's racism! People were afraid of Mexicans, most Mexicans smoked weed, weed was demonized. It's weird, true, and freaky. All... because of some racist a**holes? Yep! And the Government knew about it! They knew all the racist things about Marijuana was false. Scientists proved it didn't cause insanity or violence in the 40's. In fact, Nixon was supposed to cancel it, but since he was Nixon, he said no, and, as his ward quote: "We knew we couldn't make it illegal to be either against the war or black, but by getting the public to associate the hippies with marijuana and blacks with heroine, and then criminalizing both heavily, we could disrupt those communities. We could arrest their leaders, raid their homes, break up their meetings, and vilify them night after night on the evening news. Did we know we were lying about drugs? Of course we did." ... F**k... damn... wait a minute... has Wade been smoking weed!? ... Yeah. My sudden knowledge of everything, and you becoming the idiot, that must mean Wade is actually smoking weed with Tree Hugger! God damn it! That explains everything! And I thought by the title, we were going to see Mudbriar, Jackpot, Big Bucks, Apple Rose, Applesauce, and Goldie Delicious. If he were, then there would be the pound sign with the number and pony names. ... I hate it when you're right. Hey, that's 4/20 for you. Author's Note
Headcannons galore! Pony #232-236: Jackpot, Big Bucks, Apple Rose, Applesauce, and Goldie Delicious.After that shoehorned in Fist of the North Star reference before Behind the Meme kills it and/or it's own popularity kills it, Deadpool healed up again, scratching out the ponies he wouldn't be able to get on his own. "How come I always lose to these ponies?" Because people hate it when we harm somepony that's innocent. Yeah. And with this writer's luck, people will downright boycott us! "All because I punch somepony in the face?" And worse. And worse. "F##k... well... what should we do?" Well, we have another day until we have to get back to teaching, so we should use today to do something- Let's go to Las Pegasus and become a male stripper! "Whoo! I can do the helicopter and impress ALL the mares!" ... Oh god... "But first... a little change to an episode." Deapool teleported away and into a blimp above... which had Granny Smith, Applerose, Applesauce, and Goldie Delicious. The merc had on a more... exposed outfit, with only a pair of underwear on him. Rainbow Dash, flying nearby, stopped and gagged at the sight of Deadpool in his stripper outfit. "So... who's the lucky mare?" He asked in a sultry voice. "Oh my, I do love a young man." Applesauce spoke with the bedroom eyes. And due to this scene being too disturbing, we will cut ahead to Las Pegasus, so... yeah. After a long, uncomfortable flight of Deadpool pole dancing to some elderly mares, they all landed in Las Pegasus. For being such a generous 'entertainer', the golden Hoseshoe gals made Deadpool one of their members with a white shirt that had the golden horsehoe, with a more open hat that had a green visor above it. He imagined what it would be like with the 4 mares when this story was over, something similar to The Golden Girls that they were based off of. But for the rest of the day, he just went with the mares on their hijinks, ignoring Dash's words in keeping them safe as he even knew they weren't babies. Though, he was surprised to see Rick and Morty here. However, his biggest surprise came in the dance club. While Apple Rose was making the danceclub her area, Deadpool spat his drink as he saw two stallion nearby. The first was a large, purple stallion with a suave looking mane & mustache, but the other looked like- "TRIXIE'S DAD!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled, tacking the magician. "What the-!?" He yelled. "Same coat, mane color, a magician... The headcannons are exploding everywhere!" He leaned closer to him. "Why did you leave her?" "Uh... who, sir?" "Trixie! Your own daughter!!!" "I... have no idea what you're-" Deadpool picked him up. "TO MAURY!!!" "In the case of this," Maury spoke, looking at papers, as Trixie sat across Jackpot, the Golden Gals and Big Bucks up front with the crowd. "Jackpot... YOU ARE THE FATHER!!!" The crowd cheered wildly as Jackpot and Trixie had a surprise look on their faces. Deadpool smiled away. "You see kids, this is where idiots go if they can't realize they can get a woman or pregnant, or a woman who keeps cheating on people to get those child support payments." Either practice safe sex, or be stable enough to handle a child. We should go and do our thing with Luna! Ain't no way she can get pregnant by us! "Heh, yeah. What's gonna happen? We have to raise an Anthro?" Author's Note Again, I didn't know what to do. Next chapter's gonna be more longer... or, at least, in the 1000 word category.
Don't you forget about me. Hippogriff/Seapony # 5, 6, 7/ 4, 5, 6: Terramarr, Ocean Flow, and Sky BeakDown in the southern parts of Equestira lied the almost dormant mountain of Mt. Aris. With only a railroad that connects it to civilization, the lone mountain laid dormant, right in the ocean. Waves crashed along the beachlines, with seaponies splashing out, and Hippogriffs flying above, catching fish in their talons and beaks. Above it all, Skystreamer flew with Deadpool in her talons, who was looking down with a pair of binoculars. "I can't wait for you meet my family, Professor Deadpool!" Sky squawked. "My dad will be so proud when he hears that I'm your sniper and underwater expert!" "Yeah, yeah, that's nice." Deapool nonchalantly replied, seeing his target: a recently changed white feather/furred hippogriff with a blue 'Hair' and 'tail' "Alright, when I say the magic word, you're gonna drop me." "Why would I do that? Is there any reason for-" "Stairs." "Stairs!? Where!?" Skybeam released Deadpool as she looked around for stiars. Deadpool faced down to the floor, falling through the sky like a torpedo. Did we pack a parachute before leaving? No, why? Just as the hippogriff dried himself off, Deadpool fell into the sand with many loud cracks, his bones breaking from the impact, with his body rolling across the floor. In seconds, his limbs were all misplaced, bones bent in ways they shouldn't be, and gallons of blood pouring outwards, making a puddle on the sandy beach. The hippogriff boy gasped loudly before rushing to him. "Oh my gosh! Are you alright, sir!?" He asked, clearly in a stake of panic. "Hello!? Anyone! We need serious help here!" "Come... closer... little one." Deadpool wheezed. The Hippogriff leaned closer, sweating a bit. "Y-yes, sir?" Deadpool reached up and placed his right hand over the Hippogriff's cheek. "... You're cuter than I thought you'd look like." "... What?" "Hee ya!" Deadpool snapped his arms and legs back in place. The Hippogriff screamed and flew up, watching Deadpool snap his head back in place, with his body going back in place. Various Hippogriffs flew over, but stopped in shock as Deadpool got up, after having his body be all broken like a ragdoll. "Behold! It is I, Deadpool, the one who defeated the Storm King in a mono-e-mono battle... with a grenade launcher to his face after he broke his bones after I pushed him down over the edge." The crowd spoke to each other, some in awe, others in fear. "Though, to be fair, I don't really see why you all considered him to be the biggest threat of Equestria. Guy barely had enough screen time and died like a b***h, similar to Snoke in the Last Jedi, but without the huge fan backlash. Anywho..." He grabbed the Hippogriff child. "Aren't you the most sweetest, wittle wepwesantation of a child going through a divorce?" "Uh... what's a divorce?" Deadpool's face went Deadpan, holding up a sign that had a donkey wearing a dunce cap before throwing it to the side... with the sound of a window crash and someone yelling 'My Leg!' "Your parents are separated, aren't they?" "Well... yeah, but-" "And are they meeting some other Hippogriff or Seapony?" "Uh..." "Hi Terry!" Silverstream spoke, landing nearby. "Ooh! Professor Deadpool! Meet my brother, Terramar!" "We met." Deadpool replied. "And I must say, your sister's doing really great as the team's sniper!" "Sniper!?" Terramarr asked. The crowd parted as large, sky blue hippogriff with a silver-white mane and tail landed. "Terramar! Silverstream! Heh, what are you both doing here?" "Hi, dad!" Silver chirped happily. "Professor Deadpool wanted me to introduce you all to him." "Oh? He did?" Sky Beak turned to Deadpool, extending a claw to him. "It is such an honor to meet you, Mr. Pool." Deadpool accepted the gesture. "Glad to make your acquaintance." He answered. "I must say, your daughter's doing a great job as Equestria's X-Force's sniper." "X-Force? Sniper?" "It's such a cool team, Dad!" Silver answered. All my friends are in it!" "And trust me, I learned my lesson from the LAST X-Force I had." Deadpool replied with a wink. "Your daughter's gonna come back all fine." "... What are you getting at?" Sky Beak asked, his outgoing personality turned sour. "Just watch. Silver!" Silverstreak saluted. "Present, arms!" She took out her sniper, twirling it as she cocked it. Deadpool grabbed some shells and threw it into the sky. "Fire!" Silverstreak, without even through the scope, fired into the sky, making the shell shatter into pieces. The loud bang made the Hippogriffs fly away in fear, with only Terramarr and Sky Beak with them, staring in complete shock. "Ooh! Did I do a good job?" She asked. "Indeed." Deadpool leaned on Sky Beak's side, who was as still as a statue. "Like I said, Mr. Beak, she's a great asset to the team. Just wait in the far future; your subjects will be excellent with Sniper rifles, delivering quick headshots to all your enemies, and leading them all is Silverstreak. Waddya say?" Sky Beak stared. Terramarr shook off and noticed his still father. "Uh... I think he's stuck in shock." He spoke. "... God Dammit. Oh well, time to see your mom, Silver. And probably the only time I will turn into Aquaman." "You've never turned!?" Silver Stream and Terramar asked in unison. "Uh... not really. I turned into a Breezie, but nothing underwater related." "Ooh! Let me help!" Silverstreak jumped onto Deadpool's back. "Ugh, fine. Let's see your mother." Deapool walked into the water, the cold already making him shiver. "God damn cold water!" "Change time!" With a glow from her necklace, Silverstreak and Deadpool turned into Seaponies... well, she did, Deadpool turned into a Merman. His legs turned into a fish's tail, and his shirt was gone, exposing his cancer skin. Terramar followed, turning into a seapony, as Deadpool poked at his own skin "Hey! Where'd my shirt go!?" "Why do you ask?" Terramar asked. "It's called fashion... and I hate having my cancer ass skin be shown to public eyes, not unless it's private with some girl I know." He bounced his eyebrows suggestively. "Uh... right... if you follow me, we can-" "Race ya!" Silverstreak interrupted, swimming away "Hey!" "No fair! I win races!" Deadpool added, swimming after Silverstreak. Terramarr sighed and swam after them. The locals of Seaquestria stopped and watched as Deadpool and Silverstreak swam around. It wasn't just because their student was back, but seeing a cancer filled merman swim with only his mask on. Swimming out and seeing them swim was Ocean Flow. "Silverstream!? What are you doing here?" She asked in shock. Silverstream stopped and swam to her mom. "Hi mom!" She replied. "I was just showing professor Deadpool here and-" Deadpool swam up to Ocean Flow's face. "Who you dating now!?" He asked. Ocean Flow looked rather surprised. "Uh... hello there," she replied. "Are you Silverstream's teacher." "Indeed. Now, who are you cheating on for Sky Beak?" Terramarr swam up between the two adults. "Uh, sorry mom," Terramarr apologized. "Professor Deadpool said that you and dad are going through something called a 'divorce'" Ocean Flow gasped, delivering a quick slap to Wade's face. "How can you assume that!?" She demanded. Deadpool rubbed his cheek. "... Isn't it obvious, ma'am? You're not with your husband anymore, despite him being a successful royal guard that I'm certain is better than Celestia's Storm Troopers. Literally, you're a split family... unless you want to be like the main theme for Tarzan." He looked behind and screamed at a rock. "Get out of here, Phil Collins!!!" Phil Collins went back under his rock. Wade turned back to Ocean Flow. "Afterall, if you're not cheating on anyone... then perhaps we can... Shoo-be-doo?" Ocean Flow, Terramar, and Silverstream gasped. "... What?" "You said the ancient curse word." Terramarr spoke. "The word we must never mutter!" "... Shoo-be-doo?" They screamed. "He said it again!" Silverstream screamed. Shoo-be-doo's a swear word? They seem to really avoid G1. Deadpool smiled under his mask, swimming behind them. "Shoo-Be-Doo!" He yelled. The three swam to the entrance of Seaquestria, all with Deadpool following after them, repeating Shoo-be-doo. After a chase, all three breached the waters, Terramarr and Silverstream turning into their Hippogriff forms, though Ocean Flow and DP were still in their aquatic forms. Deadpool exaggerated his fish form, flopping on the beach water, making loud gasping noises. Ocean Flow jumped and held onto the still Sky Beak. "Help me!" She screamed. Her screaming snapped Sky Beak out of his trance. "... Oh, hello, Ocean Flow! What's the-?" He asked before being interrupted by Deadpool. "Shoo-be-doo." Sky Beak gasped, grabbing DP by his tail, and, with very powerful spins, launched Deadpool in the sky. Silverstreak followed. "Wait! I don't want a bad grade on my report card!" Both Ocean Flow and Sky Beak looked at each other. "... Should we have a house here?" Sky Beak asked. Ocean Flow only blushed. "I think that will work." Deadpool landed back in his house. Silverstreak landed nearby, turning into her seapony self, touching Wade's head, and both back to their original forms. "Are you ok?" She asked. Deadpool leaned back. "Better." He answered. "Now your parents are back together." "...What?" "Simple solution; have them see me as an enemy and beat me up. Not according to plan, but, eh, it works." "... Will this affect my grade?" "Nah. I thought it was fun." Silverstreak gave him a deadpanned look. She took her sniper out and fired into Deadpool's head, leaving a clean hole in it. "That's for saying the forbidden curse word... Shoo-be-doo." She turned and flew away. Author's Note Back at it again with the next chapter! I'll include some stuff from Deadpool 2 here, but not immediately.
Attractive parents. #237 and 238: Stellar Flare and Firelight"Oh yes, this is the place!" Deadpool spoke as he walked solo, following the train tracks. Where are we going? Where do you think? Oh... why aren't we using the train? How long do you think it takes MrAquino to make a new chapter? "Ha! Not as slow like he is with Flutter-Topia." He stopped as he was at the train stop. Turning to his right was a stone wall, with, near the gates, was a sign that was written in Pony language. What does it even mean!? Sire's Hollow. How did you-!? Deadpool pushed the gate open. "Welcome to Sire's Hollow!" A cheerful mare's voice echoed through some speakers. "There's out cue!" Deadpool spoke, walking in, right before being stopped by a blue-gray mare in a purple dress. "Essence?" She asked. "Uh... sorry miss, I don't-" She sprayed in Deadpool's face. The spray was a sudden to the merc, as he fell to the floor. "AHH!!! MY EYES!!! I'M BLIND!!! I'M BLIND!!!" Ooh! Smells like Vanilla! Really? "What did we just discuss!?" The sounding mare from the gate's speakers spoke, trotting near the blinded Deadpool and the essence pony. "We don't spray in anypony's faces! Only at their chest and back of the head!" "But how will they smell it, Ms. Flare?" Another puff sound was made, followed by the other mare coughing hard. Deadpool's vision came back a bit blurry, seeing the mare that was with him looked a bit like a darker colored, older, and- "Holy crap! You're hot!" The mare rubbed her eyes, seeing Deadpool. "Oh, I am so sorry for that, sir! I've been trying to change the ways we've been offering essence towards others without-" Deadpool slid on the table, knocking all the essence bottles to the floor, in his seductive pose. "Ah, but mon petit bouton de rose, just by the sight of you alone, I know you're already a strong, independent woman who doesn't say that to brainwash the audience in believing you are, but even I know you need a man in your life." The mare stared blankly. "... Have we... met before?" "Not yet." Deadpool took a rose out. "Ze name's Deadpool, but you can call me... anytime." The mare blushed a bit. "Uh... i-it's quite flattering, really, but the name's Stellar Flare, and I need you to pay for that stuff or-" She tried to push him off, but instead, music was heard, as the world went dark with red lighting around, as Deadpool was only in his underwear, a glass of wine in his right hand with a rose in the other. Oh, you touch my tralala Mmm, my ding ding dong... It was then that Deadpool got up and did some pelvic thrusts, the bulge in his underwear on full display. Stellar Flare slowly backed up, as the mares around started to sing along, while shaking their tails in rhythm. All the mares made a straight path, with their tails in full view of Stellar and Deadpool Oh, you touch my tralala La lalala lalala... Mmm, my ding ding dong La lalala lalala... Stellar tried to run away, but bumped into Deadpool Deep in the night I'm looking for some fun She turned to run, but dumped into Deadpool again Deep in the night I'm looking for some love She backed away De-de-de-deep in the night I'm looking for some fun Deep in the night I'm looking for some- Stellar gave an angered look before clearing her throat. You tease me Oh, please me I want you to be my love toy Come near me, don't fear me I just can't get enough of you, boy Oh, you touch my tralala La lalala lalala... Mmm, my ding ding dong La lalala lalala... Oh, you touch my tralala La lalala lalala... Mmm, my ding ding dong (my ding ding dong) La lalala lalala... Soon, it was just Deadpool and Stellar surrounded by mares all in a circle, their plots in the air, waving in unison, almost asking for DP to pleasure them, but the merc was busy dancing in unison to Stellar Flare... all with Sunburst staring in the distance, right eye twitching. Deep in the night I'm looking for some fun Deep in the night I'm looking for some love You tease me Oh, please me I want you to be my love toy Come near me, don't fear me I just can't get enough of you, boy Oh, you touch my tralala La lalala lalala... Mmm, my ding ding dong La lalala lalala... Oh, you touch my tralala La lalala lalala... Mmm, my ding ding dong La lalala lalala... (My ding ding dong) Mmm, my ding ding dong La lalala lalala... Mmm, my ding ding dong La lalala lalala... Oh, you touch my tralala La lalala lalala... Mmm, my ding ding dong La lalala lalala... Oh, you touch my tralala La lalala lalala... Mmm, my ding ding dong (my ding ding dong) La lalala lalala... Oh, you touch my tralala La lalala lalala... Mmm, my ding ding dong La lalala lalala... Oh, you touch my tralala La lalala lalala... Oh, you touch my tralala Mmm, my ding ding dong... The near pornographic scene ended with all mare passing out from exhaustion, along with Stellar Flare in the process. Sunburst, too shocked for words, fell like a statue. Deadpool just blinked at the sight. "Huh... guess Günther was too much for them." Oh man! Wait until Luna hears about this! Let's NOT have Luna hear about this. "Yeah... guess I was overreacting to how the fandom sees Stellar Flare as the hottest Milf in the show." "What's going on here!?" A somewhat more cheery sounding stallion spoke, walking in. Deadpool turned to see a purple stallion unicorn with a turquoise-white striped mane in a red vest. He looked surprised. "Oh my gosh! Deadpool! You came to visit our town!?" "... I did." Deadpool replied, quickly done ordering the Moby Huge for Stellar. "Ooh! If that's Sunburst's mom, then you're Starlight's dad!" "Aww, did my wittle bunny sent you here?" "Eh, nah, I wanted to see you both in the flesh." He looked down at Stellar's unconscious body "And she's gonna get more than needed." "Ooh! That must be one of those 'slang words' you love to use. Care for some tea?" "Absolutely!" Starlight Glimmer entered her old house, Sunburst's frozen state in a wagon nearby, to get some answers. She walked in, but gasped at what she saw. "Dad! What are you doing!?" She demanded. Sitting on the couch together, Deadpool and Firelight looked through old photos together. "Just showing our guest your old baby photos, pumpkin wumpkin." Firelight answered. "Aww! Look at her in those wittle booties!" Deadpool cooed at the image of a baby Starlight Glimmer wearing small boots. "Hehehe, indeed, she's so adorable." Starlight blushed so hard, she could've turned into Twilight with a different mane. "Dad! Not in front of Deadpool!" She begged. "But look at you!" Deadpool showed Starlight her old Goth phase. "You look like every Nightmare before Christmas fan at a Hot Topic, only not as cringe worthy." "Deadpool!" "What!? It's a compliment! Besides, I've got Hot Topic fans of myself now. I hope none of these readers send money to MrAquino to help him buy more Deadpool products and/or to show how much they support him about as much as a stop-motion picture that really wasn't directed or produced by Tim Burton." An awkward silence. "... Who's Tim Burton?" Firelight asked. "Hot Topic's god." Author's Note Lucky me, since we're in the midseason hiatus, I can catch up with some more chapters... don't tell Wade we're a season and a half away until it all ends. Just like Dr. Who, he hates endings.
A changing special.The moon hung over Equestria. About everypony was fast asleep, with a few exception. Deadpool had rented out Ponyville's outdoor theater and had a play that he and his students would star in, but unbeknownst to them, Wade had a special guest. And while to the us, the readers, it's a bit on the late side, Deadpool had heard about the news of Spike's puberty, and the specific change that had happened to him. In a way, it's Deadpool's praise to the little dragon for growing up, and while being the butt of many jokes, will undoubtedly grow up to be the best butler to Twilight. Deadpool snuck into Spike's room, the dragon asleep in his bed, snoring away. With a simple string, Deadpool held a single gem over Spike's face. Spike, with a few sniffs, murred a bit in his sleep. "Mmm... Sapphire..." He drooled a bit, halfway waking up and falling back asleep. His tongue wrapped around the gem, taking the bait. Deadpool yanked back, making Spike wake up with a scream. "W-wha-!? Deadpool!? What are you-!?" "You got your wings!" Deadpool interrupted before squealing like a fangirl. "AHHH!!! I didn't think it would happen, but you got your wings! You're no longer a baby! You're a teenager!!!" "Uh... thanks... but if you excuse me, I need to go back to sleep and-" Deadpool grabbed Spike and ran through the door. "Not yet! We've got a show to do!" "Show!?" Spike saw how the world became a blur as Deadpool ran with him in arms. Looking down, Spike noticed Deadpool was wearing high heels. "Uh... what's with the-?" He was interrupted as Deadpool placed a tuxedo on his body. "... Is this necessary?" "Oh, it is." "... I'm gonna regret this." Ponies and other creatures have gathered across Equestria to see the show Deadpool had, hearing it's one of the most fabulous thing they'll see... and by most fabulous, really, 'you better come here or I will do to you what I did to Tirek'. Ember, Thorax, Ruthford, Grandpa Gruff, Queen Novo & Princess Skystar, along with the alicorns, all sat alongside their subjects. On the stage, Ocellus had changed herself into Céline Dion, standing in the center of the stage, with the rest of the students behind her. Gallus was on the piano, Smolder and Yona were on the Cello, with Silverstreak and Sandbar on the violin. Practically kicked into stage and sliding, stopping next to the disguised Ocellus, was Spike. "Hit it!" Deadpool's voice yelled. "Just like we practiced!" Gallus took a deep breath before he began to press the keys. Ocellus cleared her throat before singing ♬What's left to say? These prayers ain't working anymore Every word shot down in flames What's left to do with these broken pieces on the floor? I'm losing my voice calling on♬ A camera showed Deadpool in a dramatic shot before getting up. ♬'Cause I've been shaking I've been bending backwards till I'm broke Watching all these dreams go up in smoke♬ ♬Let beauty come out of ashes Let beauty come out of ashes And when I pray to God all I ask is Can beauty come out of ashes?♬ That's when Deadpool strolled right out... wearing high heels. Everyone looked at him in confusion, ♬Can you use these tears to put out the fires in my soul? 'Cause I need you here, woah♬ Deadpool began to dance a bit, showing how flexible he was, and how fabulous he looked in high heels. ♬'Cause I've been shaking I've been bending backwards till I'm broke Watching all these dreams go up in smoke♬ It was then that Deadpool picked up the confused Spike and did a series of ballet dances, most of which looked sexual. ♬Let beauty come out of ashes Let beauty come out of ashes And when I pray to God all I ask is Can beauty come out of ashes?♬ ♬Can beauty come out of ashes?♬ There was a pause, followed by a roar of applause. To Equestria, it was one of the most beautiful performances they had seen, even if Deadpool danced around in high heels. The celebration stopped abruptly as the entire stage exploded. Right in the old castle of the sisters, a pair of binoculars watched the explosion, followed by a snicker. "And that's how the X-Force ended." A small, adorable sounding filly's voice spoke, pulling out a walkie talkie. "The job is done. Deadpool's still gonna be around, but his team is gone." Some chatter. "Of course he doesn't suspect a thing, nopony does." More chatter. "Golly! That's a lot of bits! I'll be sure to get rid of the evidence." She hung up the walkie, right before being blinded by some flashlights. Her eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness, seeing that flashing her was Deadpool and the rest of the X-Force, all fine. "Wow, she's behind this!?" Gallus asked in disbelief. "And she's only a filly!" "And you wonder why dragons don't trust ponies." Smolder spoke to Sandbar. "I have no input in this." Sandbar spoke back. "What the-!?" The filly asked, looking around. "But how-!? How did you-!? Was that-!?" "It was holograms, Cozy glow." Deadpool answered sternly. "And besides, practically everyone in the brony fandom theorizes you're much more important in this season." "What!? How!?" Cozy asked in shock. "Crying outside and needing help from the Cutie Mark crusaders AFTER they were rejected from Twilight's school of friendship, mistaking the element of magic for control, making a series of evil smiles, purposely failing your test and knowing the writers would hit Twilight with the idiot stick, and, just by your looks, you look like a mix of Darla from Cats can't Dance and Baby Doll from the Batman animated series. But the biggest one of all! Your cutie mark, a chess piece, the rook. You're not the true leader behind this, but you are the brains behind this operation. Tell me who your boss is, and don't you play stupid with me! I have ways on making you talk." Cozy Glow eyed Deadpool, but smirked. "And what will you do? You can't possibly hurt a child, not even if it's for punishment." "Like I said, I have other ways." The doors opened and two other ponies walked in. Cozy's pupils shrunk in size. "Mom!? Dad!?" "Cozy! You better not be planning on taking over the world again! Or you're grounded!" Her dad yelled. "No! Please! Don't! I'll do anything!" "Then tell us who you're working for!" Deadpool demanded. "... I'll do anything else!" "Anything else?" The X-force all sat down in the field, with Deadpool walking in. "Alright team!" He announced. "It's time to welcome our newest member of the team!" Some squeaks were heard, and Cozy glow came out, wearing a Teddiursa costume, where each stepped released a squeak. The team giggled at the sight, with Cozy having a look of contempt on her face. "My boss is going to kill you all, painful and slowly." She growled. Deadpool pulled out his phone. "Shall I call your parents again?" Cozy immediately put on a fake smile and waved. "Glad to be a member of the X-Force! This is going to be a GREAT time for all of us!" Author's Note A-ha! This is pony #239! Cozy glow has, through a bibe, join the X-force! You'll see what will happen next... assuming the show does say she's evil, but in any case, we'll just have to wait for the next half of this season.
Spooky Scary Skeletons. Ponies 240 & 241, Dragon #6, and The kirin: Rolling Thunder, Short Fuse, Sludge, Autumn Blaze, and RainshineGallus approached Deadpool's house, being really concerned. His professor had been gone for a long time, and with it being Nightmare Night, he wanted to be sure that Deadpool was alright. Standing near his professor's house, Gallus knocked on the door. "Uh... Professor Deadpool?" He asked. "You alright?" There was no answer. He knocked a bit more. "Professor?" The door opened with a loud creak. Inside, Deadpool's house was dark, with only a silhouette of Deadpool at the far end of the hall. Gallus nervously entered. "Deadpool? You ok?" "... Who enters my domain?" Deadpool asked in a raspy voice. "It's me, Gallus, remember?" He walked in. "You've been gone for a long time, sir. Cozy Glow has been getting on Twilight's good side, and we're unsure if you can-" As soon as Gallus flicked on the lights, he jumped back and screamed at the sight of Deadpool. His teacher was a zombie! "What?" Deadpool asked. "D-Deadpool! You're... you're-!" Gallus stuttered. "Oh... right... I'm a zombie." "How did you-!?" "I honestly don't remember, but in case you're wondering, I'm following the Marvel Zombies logic of the only way for me to keep my sanity and not devour anyone close to me is to lock myself off from the rest of the world and wait until the hunger has worn off. And so far, it's been working. Of course, I had to keep myself entertained." He pointed up. Gallus looked up, seeing sausages, tied to strings, were on the rooftop. "Now, if you excuse me, I'm trying to be creative." Deadpool began to bang on an electric keyboard in front of him, singing about sausages.. Gallus got annoyed, slapping Deadpool across the face. His professor shook himself. "Oh god! That's the last time I watch Freddy Got Fingered At FNAF. What was I doing?" "You rambled on how you're trying not to eat people." "Oh yeah... and I was waiting for MrAquino to make a new chapter following the rest of this season. You hear me! You did this!" "Right... well... at least you're back to normal... kinda. Are you going to find a cure for this?" "Maybe. It's hard to tell. I could be a zombie like this for the rest of this fic, or, more than likely, Luna's gonna burst in, curing me of this disease, and wants me to have sex while I try to show her my collection of Bionicles." "... You lost me." The sounds of screaming was heard from outside. "Oh great! We've got commotion." Deadpool got up, before his torso fell right off his legs. "Deadpool!" "I'm alright... hold up... I think I remembered what happened during that hiatus..." Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo argued as the latter was in a black and green outfit, standing alongside Lightning Dust. However, Deadpool entered. "Hold up!" He shouted. "Scootaloo, as much as I think it would be cool for you to do this, I gotta side with Dash on this one. You're just a kid." "I'm not a kid!" Scootaloo shouted. "I can handle this!" "Oh yeah? Watch." Deadpool got on the scooter. I admire we're trying to be a role model, but this? This is totally gonna be f**king rad! "GO!!!" Deadpool was blasted away by the rocket on Scootaloo's scooter. Going at near turbo speeds, Deadpool was launched into the sky by the ramp... the rocket exploded, showering the entire crowd with Deadpool's blood, guts, and severed limbs. On the side lines, Short Fuse and Rolling Thunder only stared with a look of fear. Landing next to Ocellus was Deadpool's head, causing the changeling to scream. "What? Not a fan of Shakespeare?" He asked. Ocellus screamed loudly, flying away. "Ok... I'm outta here!" Rolling Thunder exclaimed in her Australian accent. "Wait for me!" Short Fuse yelled "Get back here you son of a-!" "... I should apologize to Ocellus." Deadpool spoke to himself. "Hello! Focus!" Gallus snapped his claws at Deadpool. The merc saw the entire town was under attack by living skeletons. Each skeleton caused havoc, running around, clanging their bones around, stealing cartons of milk and literal cows with them, and delivering awful skeleton puns. "Oh! Skeletons... granted, it's not zombies, but still, we've got some Army of Drakness vibes around here." "Yona need help!" The titular yak yelled, blasting her machine guns at the skeletons. "I know something that can help!" Ocellus spoke, turning into a lion. She roared, making some skeletons in front of her tremble and turn into a pile. "Ooh! A lion!" Deadpool spoke. "That reminds me of another small bit I had during this hiatus." In the Peaks of Peril, there laid a village of lion-dragon-pony hybrids. The Kirin, as everyone seemed to know now. All the kirin were able to talk, but in this case, they had another special guest. Rainshine, the leader of the Kirin (noted by her being the tallest out of all of them), rested away, humming away, before hearing the sound of a cart rolling along. She looked outside of her house to see that Deadpool rolled out a cart, wearing a straw hat with white robes. Autumn Blaze approached his cart first. "Oh wow! A new visitor! Hi, I'm Autumn Blaze, welcome to my village." "Hi there, young one." Deadpool spoke in a stereotypical Chinese accent. Oh, we weren't gonna be racist! Oh Herro! "I sense something from you." Deadpool continued, right before pulling a gong and banging it loudly, with the Chinese note playing afterwards "You wish to learn the ways of Kung Fu, yes? Or some fried rice, yes?" "Uh... the rice sounds nice, sir. My name is-" "Your name is Autumn Braze, yes?" "It's... blaze, but yes. And you might be?" "The hero of the rand of Equestria." For the love of us, stop that accent. You need a sense of humor. "Oh... Deadpool." Rainshine spoke, approaching to the counter. "Everyone, please, ignore him. He's just an annoying figure." "Annoying!?" Deadpool shouted. "How dare you say that, miss! And how would you know!?" "I have my sources." "Yeah right! Name something I like." "Princess Luna." "What the-!? Alright! What do I think of your kind?" "We're cute." "Son of a-! Alright, what color is my underwear?" "White, but since you never wash it, it's brown and yellow." "... Dammit! Alright, the biggest one... what is so hot it's cool, but is so cool, it's hot?" "Poptarts." "... CHEATER!!!" He pulled out his swords. "I challenge you to Mortal Kombat!" The crowd gasped. "... Eh, I win already." "Win!? How!? You didn't even-!" Rainshine turned into her Nirik self and delivered a hard uppercut to his nuts. Deadpool squealed loudly as he flew into the sky. "MY BAAAAAAALS!!!" "... And that, my subjects, is why we control our anger." "Man... I hope the Kirin return next season." Deadpool spoke. "Deadpool, we captured the guy as we said." Sandbar spoke. The merc saw that they were in a warehouse of sorts, and tied up was Sludge the Dragon. "... Holy s**t, I'm gonna enjoy this." Deadpool pulled out his set of torture tools. "Hey! What's going on here!?" Sludge yelled. "Why are these so many creatures here!?" "Can it, Sludge!" Smolder quipped. "You've got something we want!" "I don't know what you're talking about!" "You'll understand." Deadpool spoke, pulling out some pliers. "Afteralll... we need to know, how the skeletons are arriving." "I don't know! Magic? A virus!? I don't know! Let me go!" "Ah... poor choice of words." Deadpool shoved a Metal pole in Sludge's mouth, keeping his jaws opened. "Ooh! I see a loose tooth here! Lets's see if it'll come out." Deadpool used the pliers and clamped onto one of Sludge's back teeth. Sludge screamed in pain as he felt a tooth of his being ripped out from behind. With a hard yoink, Sludge's back came right out in a bloody mess! "Ooh! I can get a lot of bits from the Tooth Fairy with that!" Silverstream spoke, taking the tooth away. Sludge teared up, but not before Deadpool took the pole out. "What do you want!?" Sludge begged. "I'll tell!" "Who's raising the skeletons!?" Deadpool demanded. "I-I think it was someone in ponyville! Yeah! A pony!" "Which pony!?" "I don't know! They all look the same!" "Poor answer!" Deadpool pulled a car battery out with a pair of tongs. "Even though you're a dragon, you got a serious case of moobs. Let's give you some nipples!" Deadpool shoved the tongs onto Sludg's breast areas, making the dragon squeal in pain. After a few seconds, Deapool pulled out the prongs, revealing 2 burnt marks on Sludge's underbelly. "Whoo! A beautiful pair of nips! Care to tell us now!?" "Please! It's a filly! A pegasus filly! She goes to this school!" "Uh huh? Any more descriptions?" "That's all I know! Please!" Deadpool turned and pulled out a gas canister. He kicked Sludge to the floor, the chair's legs breaking, but Sludge was still strapped in. "Here's a little lesson I learned in Guantanamo Bay: this is the closest thing to a bath, as well as a day at the beach." Deadpool placed a wet towel over Sludge's face. The dragon attempted to use his fire breath, but Deadpool poured the containments into Sludge's face, making him drown. "Yeah! Waterboarding! AKA, the idiot's surfing guide if they've never heard it." After what seemed like a minute, Deadpool took the towel off and pushed Sludge to the ground, allowing him to breath, puking out the containments. "What was that!?" He cried. "My p***." Deadpool picked up a sledge hammer. "Now, are you going to say who it is?" "Cozy Glow! It's Cozy Glow! Please, I'll cooperate!" "Aw... good boy... so, shall we all get back to school?" "Alas, after so many months, you are finally completed!" Cozy Glow spoke in the basement of the school of Friendship. The doors were kicked open and the X-Force entered. "Cozy Glow!" Deadpool shouted. "How can you do this!? How can you let skeletons cause havoc with their skeleton puns!?" Cozy Glow only had a smile. "Oh, you're such an idiot, aren't you all?" She flew around the covered creation. "It's called a Distraction for a reason. I'm about to unveil my newest creation, one that even you cannot beat." She flew to a lever and pulled out. Huge sparks of Electricity went off, as the creation glowed with an eerie red, forming the silhouette of a centaur that towered over everyone. "No... it can't be..." Sandbar spoke. "It's a cyborg!" Silverstream and Ocellus shouted. "It's Tirek!" Gallus and Smolder yelled. "No, it's..." Yona added. "CYRIK ACTIVATED!!! EXTERMINATION IN PROCESS!!! "Holy s**t... That's awesome." Deadpool complimented. "But you forgot one thing, Cozy. We have the power of music! ... And these students are the Elements of Harmony 2.0, but f**k it, get the instruments ready." Gallus pulled out a guitar, Silverstream a drum kit, Sandbar with the bass, Smolder with a keytar, Yona with speakers on her back, and Ocellus, with her own microphone. An eagle screech escaped from Silverstream's mouth, with Gallus beginning the first riffs on his guitar. Ocellus began to sing, alongside Deadpool. ♬Deep inside the universe, in the depths of space There rises a sinister evil The people live in fear, under any tyrant’s reign of terror Who will save us now? ♬ ♬From out of the darkness and into the fight! (FIGHT!!!) X- force is coming to set things to right!♬ ♬X-Force! Kicking ass for justice and for liberty! For freedom and tons of cash! They’re the final stand The last band of heroes Who’ll fight evil with no remorse... ♬ ♬(X-force) For Freedom! (X-force!) For the cash! (X-force!) For liberty and justice for all! ♬ ♬Evil forces are amassing But they’ll never take our freedom We call on the defenders; on the youngest avengers To liberty or death ♬ ♬On wings of iron eagles, X-force brings the rain A whirlwind of blood, sweat, and bullets Villains will pay for the carnage they have shed Cos X-force is coming to fill them with lead♬ ♬X-Force! Kicking ass for justice and for liberty! For freedom and tons of cash! They’re the final stand The last band of heroes Who’ll fight evil with no remorse♬ ♬(X-force) For Freedom! (X-force!) For the cash! (X-force!) For liberty and justice for all! ♬ A Kickass guitar solo came from Gallus, who shed some manly tears, as the Cyrik began to short circuit. ♬In the darkest hour In the eye of the storm We stand together An unbreakable force of Bros! ♬ ♬X-Force! Kicking ass for justice and for liberty! For freedom and tons of cash! They’re the final stand The last band of heroes Who’ll fight evil with no remorse! X-FORCE!!!♬ With a press of a detonator by Deadpool, Cyrik's robots screams were heard, followed by the cyborg centaur exploding. "NO!!!" Cozy glowed yelled. "MASTER!!!" "And your parents are gonna hear about this." Deadpool spoke. "Wow... that was awesome! ... And lame." Silverstream commented. "Didn't we have guns for this?" "Yeah, but it's best we actually do use it in an actual emergency." "Yona want to perform next time!" Yona announced. "Oh man, I love this so much, Dad!" Gallus commented, but quickly covered his beak. "Did you... call me dad?" Deadpool asked. "Uh... a little bit." "... God dammit! You're all adorable badasses! Come here!" Deadpool grabbed everyone and got them into a huge group hug. "Ooh! That's what I need to do!" "What, sir?" Ocellus asked. "We need more X-Force members!" "Uh... aren't we good enough?" Smolder asked. "Of course you are. But we need more men. You guys are diverse enough, but we need more diversity! You hear me, Hasbro! Where's the other races you have but dropped!? Where's the Diamond Dogs, Mintotaurs, Buffalo, Furries, and the new Kirin student!? Huh!? Where!?!?!?" Luna tackled Deadpool out of nowhere and stabbed him with a syringe. In seconds, Deadpool's flesh went back to normal, now no longer a zombie anymore. I actually forgot we were a zombie. Eh, subplots always fail in fics like these. "Now you're cured!" Luna spoke. "I need you inside me, NOW!!!" "... Wow... blunt." Deadpool replied. "But before we have another session of buttsex... care to see my Bionicle collection?" Author's Note Hey guys, sorry for being away for so long. Consider this as a ketchup to all I miss, and a weird, half ass Halloween special.
Father-Son Bonding. Pony #242-244 and Reindeer #1-3: Butternut, Oaknut, Pistachio, Aurora, Bori, AliceGallus groggily woke up from his sleep. His vision was blurry, as he only saw a red thing in his face. That red thing slowly turned into Deadpool's face, way too close to him. "Merry Christmas, Gallus!!!" Deadpool shouted. "Gah!!!" Gallus screamed, quickly scratching his face, causing a small waterfall of blood. Overreaction? In hindsight, we deserved it. "Professor Deadpool!? What are you doing here!?" Gallus asked before looking around, seeing the complete mess that was Deadpool's house. "Wait... did you kidnap me!?" "What!? No!" Deadpool replied. "I simply took you away as you were sleeping to help celebrate Christmas." "... So you kidnapped me. And Hearths Warming already passed." Deadpool rested next to him. "Consider it as a late Christmas special, for you, and the reader right now. After all, Christmas starts when it wants and ends when it wants, son." Gallus gave a blank stare. "Uh... l-look, what I said before, I was in the moment, ok? It just slipped out, and I want us to go back to being teacher-student." Deadpool turned to him, getting on his knees. "No, Gallus... I can't do that to you. You've got a bright future, and I want to be there with you. You're not like other griffins, and I want you to continue being like that. Besides, most of my fans already know that I am a real father, and that's excluding the sexy as hell Ryan Reynolds." "...Right... so, you mean it? This isn't a joke?" Deadpool took in Gallus in a passionate hug. "I'd never mess with the heart of a child like that. Not even with a cool kid like you." Gallus felt very tingly inside, but smiled, hugging Deadpool back. "Alright... what should we do?" "We gotta spread Christmas cheer to everyone! Wish everyone happy holidays! You know, all that crap." "Oh? So... do you have anyone in mind?" "Plenty." The heavy snow built up on Sweet Acorn Orchards. Deadpool and Gallus, approached to the door of the main house, with Deadpool knocking on the hard wooden door. After a few moments, the door was opened by a middle aged looking Stallion and mare, with the stallion wearing a run down hat & red flannel while the mare wore a green dress. "Oh, may we help you?" The stallion asked. "Why yes," Gallus spoke. "Is there a place where we can bust the biggest nut?" Deadpool did his best to hold back his laughter from obvious immature joke. "Hmm... I'm not sure." The mother replied "I think Pistachio helped my husband, Oak nut, help bust our biggest nuts yet." Deadpool wheezed. "Pistachio!" Oak Nut yelled. "What!?" The voice of a young stallion spoke. "Some folks are wondering if you helped me bust my biggest nuts?" Deadpool coughed hard from his laughter. "I'm busting some nuts right now, dad!" Deadpool fell to the floor, pounding the floor. "Who's here!? And who's laughing?" "We got a griffin out here, and a fellow that looks like Deadpool." "Wait, Deadpool!?" A stallion came down from the stairs, looking quite young, wearing a yellow-green scarf and a blue, fancy looking hat. "Sweet Celestia! It IS Deadpool! And he's laughing uncontrollably!!! Is here to help me bust these nuts?" "No! No more!!!" Deadpool spoke past his laughter. "I'm weak! And I went suffered through No-Nut-November! for this!" We failed, though. The rules never stated it was illegal or not if we can remove our bottom ribs and swallow our own nut! So, we won by default! "Deadpool asked me to say that." Gallus said with a shrug. "I really don't get what's so funny." "And bless you for that." Deadpool patted Gallus's head. "Oh, please, you've got to stay, Mr. Deadpool!" Pistachio begged. "Pleeease~?" Deadpool smiled. "Of course we will. But my question is... are you a master of disguise?" "Uh... no. I'm not." "Good. Cause that movie BLOWS!!! Even if Captain America was in it." Way in the north, a rather decent sized cottage laid dormant, surrounded by decorated pine trees, large candy canes, and lanterns with poles that resembled the candy. Inside, three reindeer wrapped various presents up. An elderly light blue with pale pink hair and glasses with huge antlers; a tan looking faun with a turquoise colored hair that had small antlers; and a pink, middle of the road reindeer with magenta hair, wearing a maid outfit. The youngest stopped and looked up. "Gang way!" She shouted, pushing the two others out of the way. Crashing through the ceiling was Deadpool, followed by Gallus, landing next to him. "Ok, even for you, that was an idiotic move." Gallus spoke, rolling his eyes. Deadpool picked his head up. "B****es love cannons." Deadpool replied. "Oh great, I feared this day would arrive." the elderly reindeer spoke, putting on earmuffs. "Let me handle this." The adult reindeer replied, prancing towards Deadpool. "Hello, Wade, seems we weren't expecting you. Allow me to introduce us, This is-" "A play on joke for Aurora Borealis." Deadpool interrupted. "I gotta say, these writers really knew how to make your names! And hey, I welcome a more friendlier version of the sisters of Fate that aren't cannibals or in a crappy Harry Potter wannabe series that is Percy Jackson." "Uh..." "He does that a lot." Gallus spoke. "But we're here to-" "Spread Holiday cheer to everyone, I know." Alice interrupted. "And hey, for a mercenary that killed Santa and hates the over saturation of the holidays, what you're going to do is nice." "What!? What was that?" Aurora asked, taking her ear muffs off. Her answer came as Deadpool took out a television and plugged in a camera. What showed was a small movie made by Deadpool and Gallus, reenacting various scenes from classic Christmas specials, all muted out by Jingle Bell Rock. Some of these scenes included: Deadpool dressed up as the Grinch, robbing some houses with Gallus as Max; Gallus running through the streets, recreating the ending to "It's a Wonderful Life"; Deadpool doing the shootout scene from Die Hard; and general fluff as both do what most people think fathers and sons should do with each other... even drink beer, in which Gallus puked after finishing his bottle. When it was all over, Deadpool grabbed Gallus and teleported away. "... Huh... he didn't stay?" Bori asked. "Yeah..." Alice replied, looking outside. "You're not thinking about joining their X-Force now, are you?" Aurora asked. "... I'm sorry, but I have to. If I don't, then there will be no future when the mad titan himself arrives." "But... surely, you're just overthinking, right?" "My visions are never wrong... and I want Deadpool to prove me wrong." She grabbed a scarf, wrapping it around her neck. "I'm sorry, but if Hearths Warming is to continue, then I need to do this." Without hesitation, her antlers glowed, picking her up, and she pranced away. In the Depths of Space Thanos sat on his throne, overlooking the galaxy, slowly, but steadily, heading to Equestria. Next to him was Mistress Death herself. "Thanos, that statue made was nice, but face it, I love Deadpool more." She spoke to him. "Bah! You only say that because he wants to die." The Mad Titan replied. "It's about time I make myself known to his world and make him pay for what he did those years ago." "Hmm... and when you do, I'll be waiting for you for your inevitable end." She dissapeared into the shadows. "Oh, it is I who will be the victor, my love. You will see how I can defeat an idiot like him." Equestria Deadpool and Gallus stood on stage, with Gallus on the Guitar and Wade behind the drums. Gallus looked a bit nervous as a crowd was in front of them, though Deadpool gestured him to go. With a nervous swallow, Gallus strummed his guitar as Deadpool pressed the play button on his phone, connected to the speakers ♬I can't do this alone Even though I am strong Need something more than me Someone to push me to victory Let's see what we can do Together, me and you Can't be afraid to try Kiss your fears goodbye♬ ♬No looking back You and I, we're on the attack Full speed ahead Running to the sunset♬ ♬Such a different feeling Both of us believing We can make it better♬ ♬Together we can show the world what we can do You are next to me and I'm next to you Push me on through until the battle's won No one’s gonna give a thing to us Into each other we put our trust Standing united, after the fight♬ ♬All alone, we will never be The two, of us, are holding the key We see, today, a world we couldn't see Before I say goodbye to you One more last fist bump...♬ ♬I know you have been afraid before But you don't have to be anymore No more emptiness to feel inside When we work together no one can break up our stride♬ ♬No looking back You and I, we're on the attack Full speed ahead Running to the sunset♬ ♬Such a different feeling Both of us believing We can make it better♬ ♬Together we can show the world what we can do You are next to me and I'm next to you Push me on through until the battle's won No one’s gonna give a thing to us Into each other we put our trust Standing united, after the fight, is done♬ Badass guitar solo that made the crowd cheer, with Alice seeing the show. "Hm... I better not tell them immediately. Gotta alter the future to give us a chance at survival." ♬We can show the world what we can do You are next to me and I'm next to you Push me on through until the battle's won No one’s gonna give a thing to us Into each other we put our trust Standing united, after the fight...♬ ♬It's a brand new day We have turned the page I never knew how much I needed Somebody to help me this way♬ ♬All alone, we will never be The two, of us, are holding the key We see, today, a world we couldn't see Before I say goodbye to you One more last fist bump...♬ The cheering went wild as the new father-son duo finished the song. *Sniff* It's so... beautiful. Indeed. I just hope we don't mess it up. Are we still gonna look for new students to join the X-Force? Knowing us, yes. Author's Note Until Season 9 shows otherwise, there will be new students joining Twilight's school of Friendship. And hey, Happy Holidays from me. Now, if you excuse me, I'll be struggling with bills and putting most of my fics on near month long hiatuses.
➡ ➡➡OMG!!! Fortnite is in this!?!?!?⬅⬅⬅Twilight sat behind her desk in her office. She had an unamused look as Deadpool sat in front of her, leaning against his chair back with his feet on her desk. Deadpool casually chewed on some gum, the bottom of his mask opened up as he blew some bubbles. The rest of the mane 6, with Starlight, stood at the side, giving various annoyed looks. "Alright, Mr. Deadpool," Twilight began. "Do you know why I summoned a teacher's conference?" "Eh, I dunno." Deadpool shrugged. "Probably ways in making Season 9 better? How I should've directed YouTube Rewind? Maybe how my students got rid of the Lovecraftian horror that was Big Chungus?" "That was a big bunny." Fluttershy commented. "Actually, we're discussing about how you've been doing these... 'field trips' with our students." Twilight answered. "Yeah, we appreciate how you've been getting along with 'em," Applejack added "But..." "For how awesome that stuff was, that's not exactly safe." Rainbow Dash finished. "Oh? What do you mean?" Deadpool asked. Rarity cleared her throat. "Remember when you decided to take the students to Canterlot, but made your entrance?" There was a fancy party in the Canterlot gardens, with fancy music playing. Aristocratic ponies gathered, wearing their best dresses to show off how rich they were, and to get more cash from their social status. However, a loud honk came, and ramming through the hedges was a blue school bus of sorts, with what appeared to be a hot air balloon attached to the roof. The side door opened, showing Deadpool inside. "Alright, students! Let's show these old geezers why they should fear the younger generation!" The students all came running out, wearing more flashy costumes that, in a way, made them look more like they're from a very uplifting anime. Deadpool ran out with a boombox and pressed play, beginning to play a Catchy Song. For a lack of better words, it became a Fortnite lobby, with the students doing popular dances, like Ocellus flossing, Smolder doing the Orange Justice, and Deadpool doing the default dance. The other ponies stared, but from the overwhelming power of the music, they soon began to join, losing the clothes to dance freely with the team. Oh God! The music! It's too catchy! I can't resist it! Damn you Lego Movie 2 and Fortnite. "Heh, that was fun." Deadpool commented. "And the time ya'll decided to take them to Klugetown?" Deadpool and the students all sat together in a plane, preparing to get out. Yona hyperventilated a bit, taking deep breaths to calm herself down, though, she was sweating a bit. "Yona no like being this high." She muttered to herself. "But Yona must do this for X-Force." "That's it, that's the spirit." Deadpool spoke, walking around. "Now, I already know, at least two-thirds out of all of you have wings, so Yona, Sandbar, and myself, we're the only one with parachutes." "Pfft! Lame." Smolder commented, putting on her gas mask. "Shut it, Scootaloo! Now, if anything goes wrong with Sandbar or Yona's parachutes, be sure to catch them before they fall. I've seen how you've worked together, and we must keep it like that." "And what about you, Mr. Pool?" Silverstream asked. "I've had worse, as you all saw." "Please don't remind me." Ocellus said with with a shiver. "So what's the plan?" Sandbar asked. "It's rather simple, Squirt," Deadpool replied. "On my command, we all land in Kludgetown, and take down all hostiles! " "Make big entrance?" Yona asked. "Indeed, my lovable yak." Deadpool patted her head. "We make big entrance." "Yaks best at entrances!!!" "That's the spirit! And you, the reader! Bare with me! Like YouTube, we're only doing this because stupid kids are playing Fortnite, and we need these views to get money for MrAquino's bank account! So kids, take your mom's credit card number and add the the numbers on front, the last 3 numbers on the back, and the expiration month/year. Send all their money to his paypall right in the description below! Do it! And MrAquino will make Fortnite porn for you all!!!" Is that a real thing!? Don't Google it. "... Does anyone know who Professor Deadpool is talking to?" Silverstream asked. "I gave up after he took me in as his son." Gallus answered. Red blaring went off. "That's the sign!" Deadpool yelled as the hangar doors opened. He stood by the entrance, turning and crossing his arms into an X, with his students standing by his sides. "Go! Dive! Dive! Dive!" Without any hesitation, Gallus and Silverstream dived down face first, turning into living missiles almost. Smolder and Ocellus dived next, with Smolder keeping her feet down, and Ocellus doing her best to not open her wings immediately. Sandbar strapped his parachute on tightly before backing up and jumping out. Yona... well, her parachutes were strapped on tightly (to compensate for her being born heftier), but she looked out, afraid. Deadpool sighed, gently pushing her off, before cracking his neck, and following his students down. All the students fell down in a group, just seeing Canterlot castle below them, and the gardens. "Operation Furry Crashers is a go! On my mark, Yona and Sandbar, deploy your parachutes!" "Yes, sir!" The two non flying creatures answered, though Yona screamed it more. Sandbar and Yona were both pulled back as their parachutes deployed, and they steadily descended to the town below. Ocellus, Gallus, Silverstream, and Smolder all landed on the floor first, drawing out their guns, striking a pose, as Yona and Sandbar landed next to them, While Yona was excited to be on solid ground, she quickly pulled out her machine guns and put on her serious face. It all ended as Deadpool came crashing to the ground, splatting across the floor with a loud- "What were you even doing in Kludgetown in the first place!?" Starlight demanded. "And why in Equestria did you make a map and placed markers all over the other kingdoms!? What are you planning!?" "... You really want to know?" Deadpool asked, getting up and sounding serious. Starlight backed up, along with the rest of the staff as Deadpool approached to them. "I know it, the readers know it, and deep inside, Pinkie knows it; we've only got one season left, and I intend for all of us to go out on a high note! I doubt the show will do it, but I'm planning to bring in MORE students from other races! You may have brought in a yak, a griffin, a hippogriff, a changeling, and a dragon, but what about the other races!? For saying you want to be 'progressive', you certainly forgot the other races that need to learn about friendship." "Oh my, he's right, Twilight." Fluttershy spoke. "We are missing more creatures." "We're talking Diamond dogs! Minotaurs! Kirin! Furries! Breezies! Buffalo! All the other sentient creatures that can and should learn about friendship, but haven't because of some bulls**t hasbro and the writers made!" He ran ahead, pushing everypony out of the way and- "Shut the f**k up! You! Reader! Comment below on the creature that the show forgot! Make a student! Give them the best description of what they'll be like! MrAquino will handle the rest! I've already got Alice the reindeer and Strong Heart the buffalo as cannon characters that will become future X-force members. The rest is up to you!" At that moment, Alice the reindeer came in. "Wait? You knew about this!?" She asked. "Of course I do! The audience knows it as well." "Know what, exactly?" Twilight asked, confused. "Well... you see-" A pinecone was shoved into Alice's mouth, silencing her. Deadpool looked down at her. "Alright, if we're gonna win this, your future seeking abilities are good enough, so I'm making you my personal assistant to be sure these future students become efficient killers like me!" "Deadpool!" Rainbow Dash yelled. "These are students! Not your personal army!" "Oh, blame me? When I make child soldiers, I'm evil, but when Charles Xavier has done it for over 60 years, he's the good guy? Yeah. Justice my ass." He cocked his gun. "Because now, it's all about survival." Author's Note https://www.paypal.me/KaneAquino
Oh god, they're furries! Only real Tree: The Tree of HarmonyDeadpool found himself running from another stampede of cows, now with signs saying "MLP is Over" over the tips of their horns. The merc screamed away, going over every obstacle in his path ranging from fallen trees to fallen rates of the NFL after 2019's superbowl. All the cows kept charging at a fast pace, with Deadpool slowing down, losing his breath. On his left side, Stuffy ran by him, along with crazy on his right. Why must this happen to us!? How'd we even get here!? "I don't care! I wanna live!" Deadpool screamed. Wait a minute... this is a dream! Do something, Wade! "I wish these cows were gone!" And as he said that, the cows disappeared. Deadpool stopped to see the stampede was gone, though the signs remained. Popping out of nowhere and walking to him was Twilight Sparkle... only sparkling even more, looking like she was made out of diamonds. Ooh! Sparkly! More like glitter. "Heh, it's Twilight all over again!" Deadpool joked. "What is it, Edward?" "Greeting, Wade Wilson." The etheral looking Twilight spoke. "We have not truly introduced ourselves. What you see is just but an image I chose to speak to others with, but I am the tree of Harmony." "... que pasa?" "It is a lot to take in, but your fellow students know about me, and have promised to keep me a secret. I only show myself to them, but I see that despite your... how shall we say... violent, and reckless solutions, you have more than proven yourself a worthy protector for Equestria and all it's residents." "Aww, it's not my fault I enjoy ponies so much." "Indeed... Kinda wish you had answered the call to defeat King Sombra." "Wait, Sombra came back!?" "Yes, and-" "I thought he was back. MrAquino, 'splain that s**t back in the original part of this fic!" I wanted a Three Caballeros parody. "Ah..." "... anyways," the tree of harmony continued. "Your students helped me after Sombra destroyed my original form. Now, I have a stronger form back in the everfree forest and-" "Way ahead of you!" Deadpool pulled out a gun and shot himself in the head, forcing the Merc to wake up, next to a sleeping Luna. "Time to remodel that place!!!" "Shut up!" Luna yelled. "Sorry." School had just begun; a new year of learning for the student 6, and a new year of training to become future mercenaries from Deadpool. The students followed Wade through the Everfree forest heading to the Tree of Harmony. "So, let me get this straight?" Sandbar spoke "The tree of harmony actually came to you in your dream?" "Yep." Deadpool answered. "Wow! I didn't think it would happen." "Yeah, the tree is pretty weird." Smolder commented. "Yona like tree!" Yona spoke "Because tree helped Yona and Yona's friends get together!" "And what did you do after meeting the tree?" Silverstream asked. "I did a few adjustments." Deadpool answered. "Wait, what!?" Ocellus asked, shocked. "You altered our clubhouse!?" "Just a small bit, but you'll love it." "Oh boy, this gonna be something." Gallus commented. They all approached the new tree of harmony, seeing the outside was the same. The glowing Twilight stood outside, looking a bit annoyed. "Tree of harmony!? What happened!?" Sandbar asked. "Oh, I've made a mistake inviting Deadpool in." The tree of harmony spoke. "What did he do?" Ocellus asked. "He brought in some stuff that I feel is just... ugh." "It's awesome and you know it!" Deadpool said, walking through the etheral Twilight and opening the door. The students followed, with the Etheral Twilight teleporting in. The place now had various training equipment around, all looking quite dangerous, and at the end was a computer, with various glowing tubes. "Uh... Yona not sure what this is." Yona spoke in a confused tone. "Welcome to the new X-Force headquarters!" Deadpool spoke. "We've got all the training equipment, desks for group meeting, computer to help us know where trouble is, and, best of all, I borrowed the Transdogmaphier from Professor William F. Shepherd." "... Who?" All the students asked. "Road Rovers. Look it up. But I altered the machines to turn you all into something better than Cano-Sapiens!" "I... don't follow." Silverstream spoke. Deadpool groaned, turning and pushing all the students into a tube. "You'll understand soon. Just stay still." "Oh great." The tree of harmony groaned. Deadpool pressed a few buttons, making the tubes glow white. The silhouettes of the students changed, going from quadruped forms to growing and becoming bipedal (minus Smolder). Smoke exited from the tubes, as each of the students came out, feeling much weirder, and stumbled around. "Yes! It works!" Deadpool cheered. "What worked?" Gallus asked. He looked down at himself and screamed. He now stood at about five feet tall, wearing red armor with black highlights underneath, with a miniature Deadpool logo as his belt, which was white. He still had his talons and wings, luckily, but he changed, and the others, had changed. "Whoa! Dude!" Sandbar was a bit more swole, now, having fairly big biceps, and stood at about Gallus's height. The colt poked at his new muscles to see that they were genuine, and not fake. "Is this real?" "I think it is." Ocellus spoke. She had a slimmer body than both boys, and was the shortest, most likely 4'10. Her wings were covered by a metal back that opened naturally, allowing her to buzz her wings a bit. "Oh wow! This is so neat!" Silversteam cheered. She was both the tallest and skinniest out of everyone, with her wings being much longer now. "Eh, I feel the same." Smolder commented. She was a bit taller, covered in lean muscles. "Yona feel much stronger now!" Yona was in a special armor that looked more like she came from the Warhammer series, complete with a helmet that covered her face that made her even more menacing looking. "Ha! Told ya!" Deadpool pointed at the tree of harmony. "You literally changed them into a new species. I'm not exactly fond of it." "Uh... dad?" Gallus asked, taking his first steps to Deadpool. "Does this wear off?" "Yes and no." Deadpool answered. "When a mission is done, simply stand in a pod and I'll be sure to make you all go back to normal." "So... can we turn back now?" "Not yet, because we've got more students coming our way." "Wait, more!?" Silverstream asked. "You're bringing in the entire school here!?" "What!? No! Of course not! I invited my own personal list of new students that, like you all, are different creatures from different kingdoms. I already have Alice join." "But... why are you doing this?" Ocellus asked. "... I have a feeling Equestria is gonna need more than friendship to save the day again." Meanwhile: At the Legion of Doom! Grogar looked ahead, gazing into his crystal eye, seeing Deadpool and the genetically altered X-Force. "Oh, I couldn't agree more, Deadpool." He spoke, taking screwdriver. "You'll regret the day for not finishing the job those centuries ago. You, and Equestria, will bow to me." Tirek entered the room, looking more machine than ever, with only a portion of his face remaining. "My lord, do you require my assistance?" He asked in a now more electric voice. Grogar turned around, revealing half of his face was now a mechanical skull, with the eyeball remaining. "Unless you can kill Deadpool and the X-force immediately, then no!" Author's Note Next chapter: The new students! Deadpool 2 audition scene. And if any of you can draw these versions of the students, I would LOVE it!!!
Love ya, Patton Oswalt! Ponies: 247 and 248: Clear Sky and Wind SprintThe Buckball stadium stood amongst Appleoosa, and despite the heat from being in the middle of the desert (trust me, I'm in Arizona), everypony was still excited to see the latest buckball tournaments, with the undefeated team from Ponyville standing out. Sitting in the crowd was Quibble Pants, along with a pink unicorn that had a white mane with a blue streak in it, and a purple pegasus filly with a darker colored mane that looked more like a miniature Twilight Sparkle with freckles. Said filly read a book about the stats of each of the players as Quibble and the mare snuggled each other in a loving embrace. The scene was cute, though, it came to a halt as they heard a strange sound. "Pika!" Both adults turned to see a fairly large yellow mouse with red cheeks wearing a detective hat. "Um... what is that?" The mare asked. "I have no idea." Quibble replied before waving his hoof to the mouse. "Uh... shoo. Go away." "Pika!" The mouse replied, hopping closer to them. Quibble got up, freaking out a bit. "Uh... Is this somepony's... mouse?" "Yeah, that'd be mine." The voice of Deadpool was heard, followed by the Merc appearing between the two. "Detective Pikachu! There you are you little son of a-" "Pika!" The mouse interrupted. "Well, excuse my language!" "Oh great." Quibble covered his face again. "Not you again." "Again?" The mare asked. Deadpool patted Quibble Pant's head. "Great to see you again, Mr. Oswalt!" Deadpool replied before turning to his mare. "And my, my! You've got your wife here! Meredith Salenge!" "Um... it's Clear Sky, actually." She replied with a blush. "He doesn't seem that bad, Quibble." "You're gonna regret it." Deadpool let out a loud squeal as he picked up the filly. "Oh my god! You're so f**king adorable, Alice Rigney Oswalt!" "Uh... thanks?" The filly spoke in an uncomfortable tone. "Oh! You've got a pikachu?" "Indeed! And not just any Pikachu, Detective Pikachu!" "How can a pikachu be a detective?" "Watch the movie and you'll find out. But I'm surprised you know about Pokemon." "Oh yes, I have my own Pokemon." "Wait, what?" Popping out of her bag was a brown, small, fox-like creature that had cream colored fluff around it's neck and the tip of it's tail. "An eevee!?" "Pika!" Detective Pikachu spoke, shaking his small arms around. "Wait, you know this eevee!?" Both Pikachu and Eevee had an intense staredown. "Eevee..." The eevee spoke. "HE'S VOICED BY HUGH JACKMAN!?!?!?" Deadpool and Wind Sprint stood in the middle of the field with their pokemon right in front of them, ready to battle. "Wait, are we fighting?" The filly asked. "Oh course!" Deadpool replied. "We're in a glorified animal fighting ring that people love to see." As he said that, Ingrid E. Newkirk stuck her head around the corner, breathing heavily and nasally. The merc turned around and fired a magnum, missing her by a few inches. "F**k off! I was making a joke! Get outta here, PETA!!! You ruined Steve Irwin's birthday!!!" Ingrid hissed as she got on all fours and ran away like an ape. Wade turned back to a confused Wind Sprint. "You'll understand later. Go! Pikachu! Use tackle!" "Pika!" Pikachu ran forward rapidly and, using it's head tackled the eevee. "Eevee! Use Tail Whip!" Wind Sprint ordered. The eevee got up, it's tail glowing, before spinning and knocking pikachu back. Pickachu slid across the floor, but got up, not down just yet. "Ha! Good move, but let's see if Eevee can withstand this!" Deadpool dramatically pointed ahead. "Pikcahu! Use Thunderbolt!" Pikachu's red cheeks crackled with Electricity, followed by it firing into the sky, then crashing down to earth at Eevee. Wind Sprint gasped, unsure what will happen... followed by the entire theater gasping. When the dust cleared, Eevee sat on it's own tail, unharmed. "... Ha! You missed!" Wind Sprint mocked. "Pikachu! You piece of S-!" Deadpool yelled, only to get zapped by a blast of green magic. The sky darkened, as a blimp in the shape of Grogar's head hovered over them all, and a familiar anthem was heard. Standing in the basket was Tirek, Chrysalis, and Cozy Glow, all wearing white shirts & pants, purple belts, boots, and gloves. "Prepare for trouble!" Chrysalis announced "And make it double." Tirek added, his voice more electronic and him not exactly as excited. "To protect the world from devastation!" "To unite all creatures within our nation." "To denounce the evils of truth and love!" "To extend our reach to the stars above." "Chrysalis!" "Tirek." "Team Grogar blasts off at the speed of light!" "Surrender now, or prepare to fight." "Cozy Glow, That's right!" Cozy Glow finished, standing on their heads. Everyone went silent, with Deadpool back up on his feet, smoking a bit. He pulled out a grenade launcher and fired at the ridiculous blimp. A few seconds passed, and the blimp exploded in a ball of flame, with it, and the three villains, flying back the way they came from. "Get nae-naed!" "... So... are we gonna continue?" Wind Sprint asked. "After that... nah. I'm sure they're alive, and by the looks of it, they're under Grogar's rule. S**t just got real." He pulled out his cellphone and dialed a number. "... Hey, Gallus? ... Yeah... We're gonna have to get ready... I'll be with you soon. All of you use the obstacle course I've made." Gallus hung the phone in the darkened room. He looked back to the rest of the X-Force, ready for their orders. "It's obstacle course time." He simply spoke. A collective cheer was heard as Gallus pressed a button on a computer connected to some speakers, with Man in Motion (St. Elmos Fire) playing. The room opened up, bringing in light, as a dangerous obstacle course revealed itself, ranging from sharpened pendulums, automated turrets, pools of water filled with sharks, and various pits. It was all in slow motion, but all the X-Force ran ahead, ready to push themselves to be even better, as a timer was on display with the record time being 3:23.98. Deadpool put his phone away before giving Pikachu to Wind Sprint. "There ya go. Much better. Now you've got the 2 most adorable pokemon with the most adorable filly! If you excuse me, I've got a world to save." Deadpool sprinted ahead, ready to travel back to Equestria... but was immediately hit by a train.
CRIKEY!!! Ponies #249-252: Aunt Holiday & Lofty, Mane Allgood, and Snap ShutterDeadpool snuck around a house, wearing very small cargo shorts and a button up shirt. "G'day, and welcome to Pony Hunter!" He greeted with an Australian accent. "Today, we've got a LOAD of ponies to encounter, namely, Australian stereotypes, and cannon lesbians! While I know I'm late for pride month, but you should know, once you go gay, you never leave without something up yer ass. And speaking of which, I placed a tracker on a little filly named Scootaloo to find where they're all gathered in, and she's in this here house. Let's take a looksee." Deadpool peaked in through a window. Inside, Scootaloo sat between a pair of middle aged mares and a rather young looking couple. One of the mares was rather big earth pony wearing a scarf and had long red-orange mane & tail, while the other was a lean pegasus wearing a sweater and had a short blue mane & tail. The couple both looked to be from Australia, with the wife looking like Terri Irwin as a pegasus and the husband looking like Crocodile Dundee. Scootaloo wore an obvious looking tracking device strapped to her back. "Um, Scootaloo?" Her mom asked. "What are you wearing?" "I dunno." Scootaloo replied. "Deadpool told me to wear this for a show he's making." "Deadpool?" The large mare, Holiday, asked. "You've been hanging out with that violent man?" The other mare, Lofty, added. Deadpool lowered down and turned around. "Uh oh! They're talking mad s**t for someone in a bullet distance! But I've got the element of surprise right by-" "Oi! Who're you!?" The Australlian accent of Scootaloo's dad was heard. Deadpool looked up to see the gruff stallion looking down at him. "Crickey! I've been spotted! Looks like it's time for Plan B!" Deadpoool got up and lunged at the stallion, tackling him. Everyone inside watched as Snap Shutter and Deadpool rolled across the floor, wrestling for domination. "Dad!? Deadpool!?" Scootaloo yelled. "I called it!" Lofty shouted. Deadpool got onto Snap Shutter's chest and delivered a few slaps to the stallion's face. "Wassup, Snap!" Deadpool spoke. "I'm only doing this 'cause I love you!" Snap bucked Deadpool off and into the wall, breaking a shelf with expensive looking china. "Oi! You're not gonna get away from me this time, mate!" The gruff earth pony quickly threw something at Deadpool that caused him to scream in pain. Deadpool looked down to see that a sai was in his shoulder. "What the hell!? Is that one of Scootaloo's sais!?" "Yep." Deadpool pulled the sai right out, whimpering a bit as he did it before throwing it right back, only knocking off the stallion's hat. Wade charged at the stallion, causing both to crash through a wall leading to the kitchen. Snap Shutter got up and grabbed Deadpool, punching the merc in his gut. Wade returned with a hard slap across his face. Both gave each a few hard slaps to their faces, before Deapool kicked Snap to a wall and tackled through it, causing a huge hole in the side of the house into the backyard. Outside, having a cookout, was Applebloom's and Sweetie Belle's families, all shocked and surprised to see both men fighting each other. Scootaloo, her aunts, and mom walked out and watched the hassle, with Lofty enjoying herself some tea. "Um... should we do something about this?" Aunt Holiday asked. "Oh no, they're alright." Mane Allgood replied. "Kick his ass, honey!" "I'm on it!" Snap Shutter replied, picking up Deadpool and dragging him to the grill, slamming the merc's head upon said in use grill. He opened the grill and pressed Wade's left side of his face in said grill, causing the merc to scream wildly. With his arms flailing, Deadpool grabbed a brick and slammed it on Snap's face, stumbling the stallion as he got up. It didn't take long for Deadpool to tackle Snap through the backyard fence and in front of somepony's front lawn with a wagon parked in front. Wade grabbed the light headed stallion and slammed his head through the door of the cart. "Say it, Snap!" He demanded. "Say I'm a man, ya c**t!" "Never!" Snap replied. Deadpool pulled the stallion up, elbowed his face, then slammed his head on another door. "Say it!" "You're... a man." Deadpool lifted his leg higher. "Say it louder!" Snap turned to Wade. "You're a man... c**t." Deadpool pulled him up, then proceeded to do a series of hits on his chest, that caused Snap to- "Oh you've gotta be kidding me." He said as the place began to smell. Deadpool jumped in victory, with his X-Force watching and recording the entire thing. "Wow! I didn't you can make ponies crap themselves with those movements!" Smolder spoke in shock. "I gotta try that with Gar-Gar!" "Ooh! Maybe I can try it with my brother!" Silverstream added. Scootaloo entered, having a confused look. "... What just happened?" She asked. Deadpool, Scootaloo, Mane Allgood, and both aunts sat in the destroyed living room, though Snap was away, his pride broken and needed some time alone. The X-force were in the background, fixing up the destroyed house. "So... you knew him?" Scootaloo asked her mom. "That's right." Her mom answered. "And my dad was able to beat up Deadpool, meaning this is Deadpool's first victory against him?" "Yep." Deadpool answered. "I learned a thing or two from the underrated 2007 Comedy movie, Hot Rod." "And this was just to prove to Gallus that his father wasn't weak?" They looked to Gallus, who was adding the final touched to fixing some destroyed china. He turned to them all, who saw them all staring at him. "... What? I don't my dad to be weak." "Even though he killed Tirek, he couldn't beat your father." Lofty commented, sipping on her tea. "Makes sense to me." "I can never really understand you all." Holiday added. "But I'm at least glad you know to clean up after yourself." "Eh, it's just a lesson for the kiddies." Deadpool spoked. "Right class!?" "When you're finished, be sure to clean up all the evidence." The X-force spoke as one before finishing. "Excellent! And when this is all finished, we're going on vacation! I've been personally invited to a town called Hope Hollows for something called the Rainbow Festival, and would like you all to join with me!" The X-force cheered together, cleaning up faster. Author's Note Yep. Next is the Rainbow Roadtrip. But with a slight twist. ... And by slight, I mean using a calculator to ensure that 1+1 does in fact equal to 2
You made joke jokes about him in Smash Bros, and now it's true. Pony #262: Sans Author's Note That is all.
This is how you cheer. Ponies 263 & 264: Lighthoof and Shimmy ShakeIt was the big game at Twilight's school of friendship. Celestia's school of Magic's buckball team was up against the School of Friendship's. Though it was after the second quarter a halftime show came in with Yona, Ocellus, Smolder, and two mares, an orange one and a blue one, all wearing purple cheerleader outfits with light blue sides & highlights. It began with Yona stomping to a beat as some music began to play. The two mares, Shimmy Shake and Lighthoof got into position, "Over, and over, and over again!" Shimmy began, rolling across Lighthoof's back. "We'll cheer for out team until the very end!" Lighthoof added The crowd began to stomp on their seats in unison, having the ultimate for of team spirit. Smolder flew over, dropping confetti over the field before spewing smoke over everyone, obscuring everyone's view. The music was cut quickly as techno lights appeared in the field, and the smoke dissolving, revealing that a stage was present on the show was three figures. Standing in the middle was Deadpool wearing his DJ/Rapper outfit. Standing to his left was Gallus, wearing the cheeleader outfits, and to the right was Silvertream, also wearing the cheerleader outfit. Gallus looked rather embarrassed. "Ok! Who brought in Deadpool!?" Rainbow shouted. Ocellus walked up to her. "Um, sorry, coach," the changeling apologized. "But when you refused to be our coach, I reached out to Deadpool and asked if he could take over." "And Silverstream and Gallus?" Fluttershy asked. "Deadpool dragged Gallus along. Silverstream... well... she was kinda angry she didn't hear that they were looking for cheerleaders." "Funny. I was curious why Silverstream wasn't with you all in the first place." Pinkie commented. Deadpool lept off the stage as music began to play from the loudspeakers, with the famous tune to the Y.M.C.A "Yeah! Come on everybody!" Deadpool cheered. "Crowd around! Sing with me!" ♬ I spent many long days with nothing to do Which way should I go I have no clue A basketball in my hand But I got no hoop Gotta find me a place So I can't shoot I got dreams of being like Michael J But a balls no good With no place to place Till this one man came Showed me the way Now I play at the Y.M.C.A♬ ♬ 5 years later the one man came So happened to be the day of the big game The score was tied on the clock Its up to me to make the last shot So I got the ball jumped sky high Released the ball Then closed my eyes Now Im a star and its ok Thank you for the Y.M.C.A♬ ♬ It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A They have everything for young men to enjoy You can hang out with all the boys It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A You can get yourself clean, you can have a good meal You can do whatever you feel♬ ♬ A little boy growin 'up Isnt hard enough A little boy blowin'up Kinda makes it rough On the streets like a bum The story is rough Crime on my mind Better call McGruff No park in my hood To enjoy my friends♬ ♬ Only streets, big cars Like caddies and benz I heard of this place Where boys can play Check out What's up with the Y.M.C.A♬ All the other cheerleaders joined, dancing with Gallus and Silverstream. ♬ My life took a wrong turn Convict criminal nikes burn Catch me minimal Running from the cops Was a way life Only way I could go my life Was trife Things changed though Every time I remember Open the door Thanksgiving November A new way to build Confidence I pray Thank you for the Y.M.C.A♬ ♬ It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A They have everything for young men to enjoy You can hang out with all the boys It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A You can get yourself clean, you can have a good meal You can do whatever you feel♬ ♬Y.M.C.A. C'mon gather round ya'll Let me show you how you do it Take the road to the Y.M.C.A Follow us C'mon♬ The whole hoofball field turned into a rave with everypony doing the Y.M.C.A dancing.... minus Twilight, Celestia, Dash, Pinkie, and Fluttershy. Deadpool appeared next to them. "You know, Dash, if you weren't such an a##hole to the cheerleading unit, then this wouldn't have happened." He spoke. Dash sputtered. "But I-! It's not-! UGH!!! This is why I say we shouldn't have had Deadpool become a professor at our school!" "Oh? And only you 6 running the school again when there's plenty of teachers out there, ready to help? And how about dropping Cheerilee off the face of the earth, along with all the other characters that were important, but now aren't anymore?" Somewhere. In a white space, Cheerilee flew across the open space, with Diamond Tiara and Silverspoon. "Um... does anypony know how we got here?" She asked. "I don't know." Diamond Tiara answered. "Last thing I remembered, I was with Deadpool in a party, and the next thing, I was here." Popping in a puff of smoke was Zecora. "What is going on here!?" She asked. "This situation is unclear!" Appearing next to her was Deadpool. "Wait, Deadpool!? You too!?" Cheerilee asked. "Close." Deadpool answered. "I'm the clone of Deadpool made by his pubic hair. MrAquino forgot about me before adding this bit in there, since he hasn't been writing all the time... but now that I'm mentioned again."He vanished in a ouff of smoke, accompanied by clown honks. "... So... what do we do?" Silverspoon asked. Author's Note You know it's true. Dropping those side characters from the first season ever like they mean nothing anymore.
Anime jokes. Ponies 265 & 266: Spur & BiscuitThe Appleoosa county fair had it all; stands with food, various rides & attractions, rigged games, it was all here. And in the middle of it all, Deadpool skipped around happily with cotton candy in one hand, and in the other was an Ursa minor plushie he got from beating the rigged games using a supernova laser that he totally didn't steal from Illuminations and helped some fillies get their own plushies. You know, we could've done something that didn't destroy an entire stall. No way! Explosions are awesome!!! You're going full Michael Bay again. EXPLOSIONS!!! "Relax, fellas." Deadpool spoke. "This is supposed to be a one time deal. We haven't been to the fair for so many years! Remember the last time we went?" You kidnapped the mayor's daughter. Yeah, but she was smoking HOT! You literally set her on fire. It still counts. "Hey, she was in league with Hydra, so it was a win-win." "No! We can't let Boofy out!" A brown, lengthy, Cozy Glow-looking pegasus filly spoke spoke. "No way! Bloofy will win first place!" A red, blue maned colt replied, walking into the buckball arena with a mysterious looking box. Deadpool shook a bit as he saw the box. "My 80's senses are tingling!" He spoke. "Either this is gonna be similar to Gremlins, or some popular anime that has achieved popularity through memes." He stopped as he saw the CMC enter, now grown up. "Oh no. This is bad!" How so? Rugrats: All grown up! "WE GOTTA GET THEM BACK TO BEING FOALS AND NOT EXPERIENCE THE HORRORS OF TAX SEASON!!!" Deadpool ran into the stadium. He stopped as he saw the adult CMC as the colt opened the box, and popped a small, purple dog-looking creature. Wade quickly sprinted and tackled the CMC out of the way. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?!?" "Deadpool!?" All 3 asked in shock. "Uh, we can explain." Applebloom spoke. "Don't you know what's happening!?" Deadpool asked again. "We... made a wish to a magical flower and became adults?" Sweetie Belle asked. "No! Worse!!!" He pointed to you, the audience. "The readers who saw this episode will make porn around you! You're giving them the chance to make Loli stuff!!!" "Uh... who?" Scootaloo asked. "I thought it was because we made a bad choice as adults." As they said that, the weird pet of the foals began to squeak wildly, looking all nervous, before it's body began to spin rapidly, turning into a tornado with only it's head unmoving. "Also that. Get outta here!" Deadpool got up and got the two foals in his arms, running away. "Deadpool!?" The filly asked "You know those 3!?" "Yeah, I trained them to become ninjas WAY earlier in this fanfic, if anyone remembers." "Wait, they're ninjas!?" The colt asked. "They WERE, but SOMEONE never decided to use that!" Ok, no one like CinemaSins, Wade. But back to the chapter, Deadpool tossed both foals out of the door, and motioned everyone to get out. "Wait! What are you gonna do!?" The filly asked. "Gonna do what I do best." He cocked a gun. "NO!!! Don't hurt Bloofy!!!" "What? No! It's a tranquilizer. Bloofy will be unconscious for an hour or two. Now go! Get out! This will be over in a bit." He slammed the doors and locked the doors behind him, walking to the living tornado. "Alright, Boofy, this will be over in just quickly. Just-" He stopped in his tracks. "... Why do I hear boss music?" The spinning stopped, and towering over Deadpool was Bloofy, still having it's little head, but it's body had changed, becoming an ultra masculine body with huge pecs and fur on the waist area, covering up where its's junk should be. N-Nani!? N-Nani!? Deadpool quickly fired at Bloofy, the darts just bouncing off Bloofy's rock-hard pecs. Bloofy looked at the needles that fell to the floor at it's feet before looking to Deadpool, pointing one of it's huge fingers at Deadpool. "ウェイド・ウィルソン、死よりも悪い運命に直面する準備をしなさい。" "Damn Google Translate!" Deadpool yelled. "Alright, Bloofy, here's the way we can do it. Either you go back to your small, cute self and get into the box, or I'll have to explain to those 2 cute foals on why their pet ran away." He was answered immediately by a backhand that launched him to a nearby wall, crashing into it, making a huge dent that broke his spine. "... Ow..." He got up, his healing factor kicking in, though his body ached all over. Bloofy approached to him, each step shaking the floor. "愚かな死を免れ、私は侮れない力だと表示されないのですか？" "Ok, seriously, why does every anime villain need to monologue? You should know this by now; you beat the hero to a pulse, thinking you're victorious, and then the hero gets up, beaten, but becomes stronger." His leg was grabbed and repeatedly slammed to the floor, the force making his arms pop right out and fly across the place, blood spraying everywhere. "あなたがどれほど弱くて哀れなのか見てください！？私に反対する者は皆滅びて死ぬでしょう！" Bloody threw Deadpool across the stadium, making him roll into the middle before jumping into the sky, breaching into space, and fell down to the earth below, right onto Deadpool's body, turning him into a bloody pulse. "ははは！！！頑張りすぎて失敗しました。あなたとあなたの友人は私には何の意味もありません。私、おとなしい、今は鉄の拳で世界を支配します、そして誰も私を止めることはできません！" Bloofy turned and walked to the door, ready to attack Equestria like every villain has before. But he stopped upon hearing Deadpool gasp for breath, regenerating back to himself, albeit, his costume torn up, revealing more skin than before. "ああ？まだあきらめていませんか？あなたは私の尊敬を持っていますが、それはあなたを救うことはありません。" "私もGoogle翻訳を使用できます。そして、あなたは私の警告を弱めるべきでした、なぜなら私は私の強力なフォームの1つであなたのお尻を蹴るつもりです！" Deadpool lifted his arm into the sky and awaited. Bloofy approached to him, laughing as he cracked his knuckles, ready to beat Deadpool to a bloody pulse again. Everything stopped as something fell from the sky and landed in Deadpool's hands. In his hands was a large axe, surging with Electricity. The sky darkened as storm clouds came in, and lightning struck Deadpool, making Bloofy take a step back and cover his eyes from the blinding light. When it ended, he stared in shock as Deadpool had changed. His body surged with electricity, as he now wore Norse armor, his mask had metalic wings on the sides, and a large, red cape was on his back. "何！？" "Yes. I wield Stormbreaker, folks." Deadpool spoke. "Mjölnir isn't as cool as a huge axe wielded by a Horse headed alien." "これは何も意味しません！私はここで最も強力な存在であり、あなたは-" Deadpool threw the axe at Bloofy's head, decapitating the small, adorable head from the ultra masculine body. Surprisingly, no blood came out as the body fell... in fact, the neck was just an empty hole. Bloofy landed on the floor, unphased, yipping again. Deadpool approached with the box. "Come on, get in the box." Bloofy didn't hesitate, jumping into the box, letting the Merc seal it inside. "And alas! The day is saved! Thanks to me, Deadpool, and my mighty ax, Storm-" He was interupted as he was punched in the face as a horse headed humanoid took the axe away, getting the costume Deadpool had, minus the mask. "That's my ax, jackass." He spoke before swining it and flying into the sky. "... Right... sorry Beta Ray Bill... heh... Beta... he's a work in progress." Author's Note Next chapter, based on the MLP Series finale... I kinda don't want to do it, but, like a shot at the doctor, it's best to get it over with ASAP or else it'll be worse.
20 years later. Pony #267: Luster Dawn.Everything in Canterlot had changed in the last 20 years. Creatures from all kinds were now roaming around, not just ponies, all in peace and unification. But a familiar figure in red strolled through, causing many and all to gasp and stare in shock. He stopped and got a long look at a statue of a that showed a very familiar humanoid looking like he was taking a selfie, with the phone in it's hand, and the decapitated head of another humanoid with a very wrinkly chin in the other. He just took the phone out of the statue's hand and looked through the pictures, memories of a past long forgotten. "Damn. Everything has changed." He spoke before teleporting away. Inside Canterlot's castle, a new pony sat on the throne, looking almost like Celestia in build and height, complete with a flowing mane & tail as well. But unlike her, she was mostly purple, with a darker mane & tail that had a magenta stripe in both. Sitting next to her was a purple dragon with green scaled running down his back to tail, about as tall as her, but built with a huge top, though small legs. "Well, what's the problem?" The dragon asked, sounding a bit young, but with a deeper voice. "Ever since I took Celestia's place, I've been teaching magic." The new princess answered. "But my most Important lesson seems to not be hitting home with my student." "What do you mean?" "That I'm glad my royal ambassador and friendship ambassador is here now!" "Um... your majesty?" A voice spoke, trying to not break into tears. "There's uh... someone familiar here." "... What's wrong, Gallus?" "Well... uh..." The doors busted open with an epic choir with rock & roll music playing. Standing in the doorway was Deadpool, with his cellphone back. "I'M BACK, BITCHES!!!" He yelled. Gallus, a blue griffin in golden armor, popped his head in, tearing up. "He's back! My dad's back!!!" "WHAT!?" The huge dragon yelled. "Wait... Spike!?" Deadpool asked, appearing next to the dragon. He grabbed the dragon's face, then compared his chest to his own. "Damn! What the fuck were you doing!? You're as built as Arnold Schwarzenegger!" He looked to the princess, who had a bit of a surprised look herself. "And Twilight? You... you look like Celestia... but purple." "I get that a lot." She answered calmly. "Are you not seeing this!?" Spike asked in shock. "Deadpool is alive! He's back from the dead!" "I actually figured something like this would happen." Twilight stood up from her seat and walked out of the throne room to the right, but came back shortly. "Let me guess, you're either a Deadpool from an alternate dimension that just happens to be like ours, but your version of Equestria was destroyed?" "You'd think that." Deadpool answered, walking around and inspecting her. "But no, I'm his clone that was sent to make sure that the writer would continue writing this fic back when he lived with his dad through that messy divorce those years ago." "That was my second guess." "How would you know that?" "I went back and saw your rotting corpse." "Ooh! Is it-?" "Yes, as you wrote before your died, 'Instead of burying my body with sweet-smelling flowers and surrounded by sweat-smelling followers, preserve my body fetal pig style, in a giant mason jar filled with the tear of all the heartbroken private school girls that will miss you, so your body can re-animate and start a zombie apocalypse on March 31st, 2046 at 2:03 PM'." "Yay! Did you also-?" "Yes. We got the rock band 'Taranchula' to write and perform your funeral dirge, and played your pre-recorded eulogy on the five boomboxes you had in your disgusting house." "And my house!? What did-?" "We burned it to the ground." "... Oh... I thought you'd turn it into a museum." "No, but we did take all your weapons, researched them, and upgraded Equestria's defenses." "Um... am I going crazy, or is that Deadpool?" A new voice asked. Everyone looked to see a unicorn standing in the doorway, looking pink with a mane & tail that looked like the colors of a sun rising or setting. "Oh! Luster Dawn!" Twilight spoke. "Sorry, but yes, Deadpool, or a different but still the same version, is with us." "But... how?" "Cloning." Deadpool answered. "And Oh my god! This is adorable! Twilight is now the new Celestia, and you're the new Twilight!" "... I... think so?" Luster spoke, though was unsure what he meant. "I mean, I read the stories all about you sir, but the way how you died is all... muddied, to say the least." "Muddied!?" He looked to Twilight. "I wasn't there that much." She replied with a shrug. Deadpool took a deep breath. "Ok, you want to know how I died?" "Yes, please!" Luster answered. "Alright... well... it happened..." He took his phone out. "... 20 years ago, starting.... now!" "Let me get this straight." Deadpool spoke. "You're saying that you went around, acting like Grogar, got the villains back together as a team, and they took away your magic!?" Standing in the field, surrounded by the X-Force, putting on their gear, was Discord, standing and tapping his paw and claw together nervously. "I mean... yes?" He replied. "But it was all for a good cause." "WHAT GOOD CAUSE!?!?!? You Literally f**ked Equestria with this!!!" "And Discord allow Sombra to smash tree of harmony." Yona replied, putting on her helmet. "Yona would smash Discord for destroying tree!" "We'll handle with him later!" Light Breeze spoke before getting into his Dreadnaught, turning it on. "EQUESTRIA NEEDS THE X-FORCE NOW THAN EVER." "Agreed." Summer Flare added, sharpening her sword. "With luck, this'll be over fast." Deapool chugged some whisky from a canteen. "Just... why on earth did you think this was a good idea?" He asked. "Why!?" Discord asked. "You abandoned the Taco Squad long ago! I wanted to build a team of villains to reform them!" "I'm a team player! And we've been getting together every Tuesday, remember!?" "But I wanted some action! Proper action, not just tacos." "Blame MrAquino for that!" Deadpool cocked a pistol before holstering it. "And let me guess, Celestia sent you to ask uf just in case her army failed?" "Uh... yes." "Damn. Alright... X-Force!" Everyone stood up, all attention onto him. "We head out immediately. If I'm guessing, the new Cyrek is at full power, Chrysalis might look different, and Cozy Glow is more powerful. As we all know, we don't kill kids, so no one better kill Cozy Glow, but feel free to murder the other two. Everyone clear!?" "YES, SIR!!!" The team answered. "Alright... let's move out!" The mane 6 were defeated as young baby dragon, Spike, was dropped off to them. Cyrik, the cyborg version of Tirek, was at full power, standing over everyone and powerful. Chrysalis now adorned green armor on her body, with a yellow hue over her eyes. Cozy Glow was now an Alicorn instead of a pegasus. "Turns out the magic of friendship was your true weakness." Cyrik mocked as an energy beam built in his chest, with Chrysaliss and Cozy Glow's horns glowing. "A fitting end to your pathetic story." "No matter what, we face it together!" Rainbow Dash spoke as they all huddled together. Everything seemed to went slow as all 3 villains fired their magic at the group. And then... white... "Is it over? Can I open my eyes now?" Spike asked. The group opened their eyes to see a towering mech standing over them. "DAMAGE TAKEN. STILL FUNCTIONAL" "Wait, you can't be-" Twilight spoke before seeing Deadpool and the X-Force arrive, running to and landing in front of them. "Better look away, professor." Gallus spoke, putting a clip into an M4, "This is gonna be pretty nasty." "Oh great!" Cozy Glow spoke. "These guys!?" "Yes, Cozy Glow." Deadpool spoke. "You might be powerful now, but there's one thing you lack!" "Ugh, let me guess, 'Friendship'?" "... No. Firepower." He pulled a gun out and fired at Cozy Glow. The filly didn't have much time as something silent was fired, and she felt a prick between her eyes. She pulled out what looked like a needle with some feathers at the end. "What was that!? Did you... just... tried to..." Her vision went blurry before she fell to the floor, snoring loudly. "Heh, powerful alicorn filly can't defeat an elephant tranquilizer dart." "Bah! She means nothing to us!" Chrysalis hissed. "Cyrek?" "With pleasure." The centaur cyborg stood proudly, loud beeping everywhere as his cybernetic eye glowed red, and various weapons started to pop out, aiming at the students. "Spread out!" Selina yelled, jumping and rolling out of the way. The others followed as Cyrek fired a barrage of missiles and lasers at them all, barely hitting them, only causing some to fall to the floor from the impact of the explosion. Deadpool charged ahead, but was tackled by Chrysalis, taking on his form. The two rolled across the floor, landing next to Gallus. He picked up his M4 and aimed at them both. Both Deadpools stopped. "Don't shoot!" The one on the left spoke. "I'm the real Deadpool!" "No! I'm the real Deadpool!" The other added. "... Crap. Sorry about this." He aimed at the left Deadpool and fired everything at him. That Deadpool fell to the floor, a pool of blood forming onto the floor. "Yes!" The right Deadpool cheered. "I knew I could-" Gallus quickly turned and fired at that other Deadpool, causing him to fall down to the floor, making another puddle of blood to the floor... but this one's was green. In a burst of green flame, the Deadpool turned into Chrysalis, gurgling and bleeding with her own blood. The left Deadpool got up, coughing a bit. "What was that for!?" He asked. "Sorry, but only one of you can heal." Gallus answered, looking to Chrysalis. "Plus, I don't think Changelings have red blood, so either way, you were both gonna be shot." "Hmm... fair enough... but I don't know what Fluffle Puff is gonna feel about this." As he said that, the familiar pink fluff of pony showed up, gasping at the scene, rushing over to Chrysalis and picking her head up, tearing up. She turned to the two, fury in her eyes. Without a word, Deadpool and Gallus pointed at Cyrek, who was smacking everyone to the side. Fluffle Puff began to shake violently before rushing to Cyrek at speeds so fast, the floor was on fire. The pony let out a loud scream, that it was actually heard in locations across the multiverse. Somewhere in Maretropilis, a young man with twin lightning guns sat and patted the head of a Twilight-looking pony, before stopping and hearing the loud scream, with the pony looking up as well. "What was that?" She asked. "I have no idea." The human answered. "And don't ask us!" A pair of Ghouls from Tokyo Ghoul added, popping their heads out from the side. A blue, dog headed humanoid overlooking an underground training facility ear's started to flinch as he heard the screaming. "... Something tells me that Deadpool is behind this." An actual Warhammer 40k Space Marine and a Halo Spartan polished their weapons before stopping and heard the screaming. "What was that, brother?" The Space Marine asked. "Either we've gone mad, or that's a daemon or something similar." The Spartan answered. A trio of swordsmen from the worst anime not based on an actual video game polished their swords around a campfire before hearing the scream. "... Should we be concerned?" The woman asked. "... Nah." The other 2 guys answered. Princess Twilight, Luster Dawn, Gallus, and Deadpool stopped as they heard the scream. "Yep. That's how her scream went." Deadpool spoke. "But as I was saying..." Fluffle Puff tackled Cyrek, who didn't have any time to respond before receiving multiple punches to the face, all rapidly and with so much force, pieces began to fall off. It didn't take long before Cyrek's head was detached from the body, and for the head to become nothing more but a paste of blood, gore, and wires. The body only twitched before falling down, deactivating, and Fluffle puff stood there, snarling hard, before falling to the floor, becoming unconscious. "... So... we did it?" Roscoe asked. "Yep. We did." Strongheart answered. "All 3 villains are defeated." "You killed them all!" Applejack yelled. "Nu-uh!" Deadpool retorted. "We only killed one! Cozy Glow is just sleeping right now, and Fluffle Puff just stopped Tirek from becoming an even more powerful cyborg. And you're welcome with us saving you from Discord's dumbass plan to get all the villains together to reform them in his own unique way, completely forgetting that Tirek betrayed him, and all these baddies are just gonna backstab each other as soon as they were done. For now though... everyone! Victory dance!" Music played as the place became a disco floor, and the X-Force performed Jimmy T's Dance, the Feline Fever. "But that doesn't explain how you died." Luster Dawn spoke. "From the sounds of it, you were all successful... despite not really doing much." "Eh, it happens with a lazy writer." Deadpool replied. "And I was gonna get to that, actually. But first, folks, if you've been following me, now you've missed your chance for a crossover with me! Because in the next part of this 3 parter finale, all the displaced heroes together as one against a common enemy, one that many of you should've seen coming back in 2016." "... Who's that?" Deadpool just sighed. "Thanos." Author's Note
The Deadpool is deadAuthor's Note Please don't kill me. The Deadpool is dead Deadpool drunkenly stumbled out of Twilight's castle, singing to himself. "Ya-da-da-da-da-da- It is good day to be not dead!" "POW!" Yelled the Purple guy from Fortnite, shooting Deadpool in the head with his gauntlet as a literal finger gun. "You are dead!" "I am dead!" Deadpool fell to the floor, with the purple titan chuckling to himself, but stopped as the Shadow Ranger from SPD Emergency arrived, doing the Conga. Quickly, he threw the golden gauntlet away as the muzzle crushed power ranger arrived. "Oh! The idiot is dead!" The Dog headed alien proclaimed. "Yes. I am dead!" "Why is the Idiot dead?!" "I dunno." Replied the purple guy "I think it was-" Deadpool spoke before being shushed by the two in unison "Shhh, you are dead!" "Ok." It was then that Lance arrived to the scene in a van "What's up, you wankers?!" He asked in an Australian accent. "Who’s up for a- AH! What the- bloody hell just happened?!" "Deadpool is dead!" The two living humanoids answered. A random billboard appeared below the obvious Anime protagonist. "Deadpool is dead!" "Correct!" Anubis replied, followed by an applause from the rest of Equestria's X-Force. "So, did you see the murderer?" "Nah, sorry mate." Lance and Not-Cable answered. The ranger slammed his fist on a desk. "I will find him, I will capture him, and no one will ever die again!" The two others applauded. "Ah, well that's nice." Lance replied. "I am damn proud right now." Grimmace added. "Atteeeeeeeeention!" Shouted a Warhammer 40k Space Marine before rushing to the dead mercenary. "Deadpool is dead!" "We know!" The Alien dog retorted. "Who killed him?!" "We don’t know!" I will find clues!" His buddy, a Halo Spartan, got onto all fours and sniffed the floor, stopping as he picked up a golden gauntlet. " What's that?" He grabbed the glove "A weapon?! That thing is why Deadpool is dead!" "Deadpool is dead?!" Everyone asked in shock. Both space marines broke a desk with their helmets "Yes!" The hulk of a man answered "He died!" The others gasped and huddled together. An ambulance came along, crashing into both Sci-Fi soldiers. "Incoming!" Shouted a Ghoul from Tokyo Ghoul, exiting the ambulance in a sexy nurse outfit. She leaned to Deadpool's corpse, giving him a kiss. Deadpool's corpse momentarily levitated, the merc laughing, but it was short lived as he exploded. "In my medical opinion, that Deadpool is dead!" She exclaimed "Nurse, what happened?" Asked the lightning, dual gun wielder. "My professional opinion?" She took the dead mercy's arm, taking a bite out of it. "Deadpool was killed!" Panic built up in the group. "I don’t think it’s anything to worry about." "Well, now what?" Doggy asked. It was then, entering while doing the conga, was the protagonist of Sword Art Online. "Clipidy clop mothafukka!" He shouted As he went over the corpse. "Look at this! Deadpool's fucking dead!" A pause. "What do you think of that?" Another pause "Ahm…" "Yes, yes, Sword wielder." Lance moaned "Yea?" "Go home!" SAO's mother waved in a car next to them. "Ah come on! Pffff! Freaking unbelievable seriously, you all suck." The car drove forward before crashing. "Ok, let’s get back to the point." Deadpool poked at his other corpse with a stick. "I think Deadpool is dead." He observed. "Deadpool is dead?!" The Tokyo Ghoul turned around and ran to the car wreck, before it exploded, killing her as well. "Seriously?! Who killed Deadpool!?" "It was me!" The Dovakhin from Skyrim proclaimed as he ate a bottle of wine. Everyone gasped in shock. "Yes! I did it like this" He pulled out a bow and fired at Lance, causingbthe anime protagonist to fly back from the impact. "Whoop dee doo!" Everyone looked at their dying friend. "That’s a joke, lads." Everyone laughed with a sitcom-like laugh as he ate another bottle. "It was… yo-Him!" He pointed at Marvel's Darkseid. "How did you know?!" He asked in shock. "I didn’t. That was a joke too." He chugged another bottle before falling to the floor, dying of liver failure. It was then that Josh Brolin's iconic character laughed maniacally. "That’s right! It was me! "You monster!" The Power Ranger yelled. "But whyyyyy?" Deadpool asked. "Cause you’re fat, boy!" Lady Death's Simp answered. "And another thing, you’re ugly." Both Titan and Merc began to argue as the only other humanoid just watched the two, blinking quietly. "Ah dammit Wilson! Fuck off!" Thanos yelled. "You are dead." "No u, POW!" Deadpool blasted his enemy's head right off with a shotgun blast. "You are dead! Not big surprise." "Well that was idiotic." Doggy Kruger replied, walking to a chair and setting a noose ready on a tree. "Off to hang myself! Watch and lea-!" He did a backflip off the chair and hung himself. "I am alive!... Is nice. ...Yes, this is stupid." The author of the story sat in a fetal position in the corner of his room, hoping that no one actually expected him to make an actual epic finale to this otherwise over glorified version of a shitpost story, because he isn't able to socialize with others to make said last chapter, and is trying to survive a pandemic at the time. Only thing he could promise is an ending that may actually be somewhat smart if no one saw it coming.
The EndDeadpool stood proudly as his story ended. Twilight, Gallus, Spike, and Luster Dawn all started with much confused looks on their faces. "That was… interesting." Luster Dawn commented. "You left out a lot of stuff, dad." Gallus said. "Like what?" Asked Deadpool "The aliens that invaded the school that night in which you went all 'Beast mode' on." "You and your X-Force gearing up to take on Thanos and his army of aliens attacking the world." Spike added. "How the Elements of Harmony are, as he calls, more Infinity stones, and truly wants to wipe out all life in existence." Twilight herself added. "Not to mention you used some device in the tree of Harmony to summon all of those extra people to keep us safe as you dealt with Thanos and his subordinates." Gallus included. "And how Thanos did wipe out, not only the entire world, but possibly the Multiverse, leaving only you alive because you equipped something called 'plot armor', and had an emotionally charged fight to save everyone that passed because Equestria was the only place in which you did know of true peace and happiness." Twilight listed off. "And how you used something called 'The Infinity Sword' to kill Thanos, and use the last of your strength to use both Infinity Gauntlets to clap everything back into existence, proclaiming that you can truly die in peace and letting out one final 'X-Force Forever'." Spike concluded. The three looked at Deadpool, who was busy scratching behind Luster Dawn's left ear, the unicorn enjoying it a lot. "...What was that?" Deadpool asked, standing right up. "... Still hasn't changed a bit." Twilight groaned. "Oh yeah!? Well I'm gonna say the N-word! NI-" CLONK! Deadpool fell unconscious as a pair of humanoids stood behind him. Both were female, and both were anthropomorphic ponies to boot. One of them looked almost like Deadpool in costume, wearing a blue version of his costume, but with a moon crescent on both hips, as well as both the swaying hair of Princess Luna sticking out of the back of her mask, and some normal looking brown hair sticking out of said mask on the top. The other one wore more combat oriented armor, with her white fur in the open, with hair color to princess Celestia's, but was much shorter. The real thing that stuck out was that her left arm was entirely cybernetic looking, very futuristic looking to boot, and her face was covered by a faceplate that was also a part of her. "Oh, sorry, dad." The deadpool lookalike apologized. She looked up to Gallus and waved. "Hey, Gally! How've you been?" "Eh, nothing too exciting happens around here, sis." Gallus replied nonchalantly. The cyborg-celestia's arm turned into a needle, stabbing it into Deadpool's head before injecting some liquids. "Memories… blank… personality… in check… censorship… on." She listed off aloud, pulling the needle out, which turned into a hologram showing a field in Ponyville. "Now we need the right coordinates and timeline..." she stopped as a familiar mint unicorn sat in the field, reading a book and trying to cast a certain summoning spell. The Cyborg Tia opened a wormhole, revealing the Unicorn below, picking up and throwing Deadpool through it, who just woke up and screamed before the portal disappeared as soon as it came in. "Thanks, Sol!" The Deadpool pony replied, hugging her partner. "You're the best cousin anyone can ask for." Her partner kindly shoved her back. "It was only to make sure the space-time continuum didn't break." She replied. "And the one buried will be coming back in 3… 2… 1…" The sound glass shattering was heard, followed by the door opening as a wet Deadpool appeared from out of the closet. "Ha! Boom, baby!" He cheered. "Great vacation in heaven with my lovely Bone Cheeks, the Fausticorn herself, and Stan, the mutha fuckin man, Lee himself!" He stopped and stared at the two anthro ponies. "... hi dad." The blue pony replied, waving. "Uh…" "You had sex with Princess Luna, and made her pregnant when you saved the entire Multiverse from being extinct." Gallus answered. "Oh. And her?" "I'm Cable and Celestia's daughter." Sol answered herself. "Oh… uh… did he…?" "No, they mixed their genetic codes and had me grow in one of their labs. And you can't judge, since you fucked Princess Luna multiple times." "... Touche. And speaking of, where's my Mooncheeks?" As he said that, another portal opened, and Luna came right out, in the very Road Rovers-esque suits the X-Force wore, holding a machine gun in her arms with a mic set near her mouth. "Neara, are you done!?" She asked. "Come on! Ultron is about to release his army onto the Skrull Empire, and we need you to-!" She stopped as she saw Deadpool. "... So, back from the dead now?" "And you're now furry bait art." I'm so turned on right now! You and me both. "Is something wrong?" Celestia asked, her head peeking out from the portal as well. She saw Deadpool. "Oh, hello there, Mr. Wilson. Your world is the greatest retirement place, especially with your X-Force providing us company." "The rest of the X-Force are in there!?" Deadpool asked. "Gallus!? Why are you here and not-?" He stopped as Gallus was in his familiar anthro suit, cocking an alien rifle. "Waiting for you, dad." He replied. Deadpool teared up, hugging Gallus tight. "That's my boy! But I need my guns." "We've got some in here." Celestia replied, followed by a huge explosion, followed by some maniacal laughter from Smolder. "Oh, there goes a giant Ultron bot." "YOLO!!!" Deadpool yelled, running and jumping into the portal, followed by the others. Luster Dawn just blinked in confusion. "... What just happened?" She asked. "I asked that everyday." Spike replied. Somewhere in Heaven, the Fausticorn sat in a hot tub with Stan Lee, next to his wife, and Mistress Death across from her. "I'm gonna miss that bastard." The Fausticorn spoke. "But how did he come back alive after nearly 2 decades of being dead?" Mistress Death shrugged. "It's hard to say, sometimes. But I will cherish the 20 years I had with him." "EXCELSIOR!!!" Stan Lee cheered. On a beautiful day in Equestria, somewhere, right in between the town on Ponyville and the dreaded Everfree Forest, a mint colored unicorn sat in a field with some stuff… THE END/BEGINNING!!! Author's Note And thus, is the end of both my first, and longest running fic... the latter because I was lazy in the last few chapters. But I hope you enjoyed it all, and if you're new, well then, you're not late to start reading this.
Arrival. Pony #1: Lyra Heartstrings. Arrival. Pony #1: Lyra Heartstrings. In a beautiful day in Equestria, somewhere, right in between the town on Ponyville and the dreaded Everfree Forest, a mint colored unicorn sat in a field with some stuff. Some of this said stuff were mostly snacks and a small water bottle, but the real object being used by the unicorn was a book labeled 'summoning 101'. she skimmed through the pages until she landed on one pacific page: Humans. "Alright then," the unicorn said to herself "today's the day: I'm gonna get myself a human!!!" she skimmed through the pages, quickly reading the words on how to summon her very own human, but trying to contain all her excitement. She closed her eyes and concentrated on making her spell. Her horn glowed a green aura, and it shot into the sky!!! A moderately sized, swirling, green vortex opened in the sky, staying there for one or two minutes. "OH S**T!!!" A voice yelled inside the vortex. A red blur came out in super speed, and the vortex disappeared as soon as it came out. The unicorn sprinted to where the red blur landed, seeing it crashed through ground a bit, at least three feet, with it's silhouette most likely being in the ground forever. The outline was definitely human, and she was breathing fast. A red hand came out of the ground, grabbed onto the 'ledge', and the figure climbed it's way out. Almost dramatically, the figure stood: it was a human!!! It was a male that wore read all over it's body (including the face area), had pure white eyes, some black around it's eyes & hand areas, and had a belt with what looks like it's own face as the center. "Oh...my...gosh!!!" the unicorn began to hyperventilate "A REAL HUMAN!!!" " OH MY GOSH!!!" the human screamed in a woman's voice "A DEMON HORSE!!!" "Demon horse? Where?" "YOU!!!" "Me?" "YES YOU!!!" "Oh no, good sir, I am not a 'demon horse', I am a unicorn." "...seriously? A... talking... unicorn?" "Yep. I'm Lyra Heartstrings. What's your name?" "Really? You don't know who I am?" "No... we just met." The human face palmed himself. "Alright... Lyra... The name is Deadpool!!!" "Deadpool?" "That's right!!! Tell me, where am I?" "You're in the land of Equestria." "Equestria? Oh s**t! I remember now!!!" "Remember what?" "This is Equestria!!! the land from my favorite show 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'!!!" "My little pony?" "That's what you are!!! You're Lyra Heartstrings!!! The bronies made jokes on how you wanted to be a human really bad!!! They even made a sex doll of you!!! "Sex doll!?!?!?" "Oh! TMI, now, say goodnight!" "But it's the morning." "I know, I've always wanted to know what rare meat tastes like, and what better way than unicorn!!! "YOU'RE GONNA EAT ME!?!?!?" "That's right! Hold still while I- hold on." His hands reached over his back to pull something, but couldn't find anything. "MY SWORDS!!! NO!!!" "So... do I live?" Deadpool fell on the floor, rolled into a ball, and sobbed hard "I... guess... so... I... won't... be... able... to... kill... here... I... guess." "Well... what's that next to you?" Deadpool opened one of his 'eyes' and saw his gun. "YES!!! My gun!!!" He opened it and looked inside "ONE BULLET!?!?!? Oh well... I guess this is a f**ked up nightmare, I might as well wake up." He placed the gun to his head and pulled the trigger. Blood came out of his head and he fell to the floor. "DEADPOOL!!!" Lyran ran next to the body of the weird human that wanted to eat her. She placed her head on one of his shoulder and began to wept. The body suddenly twitched a bit, and started to get up. Lyra backed up, completely freaked out!!! The hole in Deadpool's head was quickly healed, and he released a long yawn. "Oh man. That...was a weird dream. Now to find wolfie and- OH F**K ME!!!" He turned to Lyra. "Alright! No more fooling around! You!!! Send me home!!!" "What?" "SEND ME HOME!!!" "I'm sorry sir but... I... don't... know... how... to." Deadpool's eye twitched. He got up and marched to Lyra, muttering some things under his breath, and looked like he was going to hurt her. Lyra cowered a bit, whimpering. Nothing happened. She looked up and saw Deadpool standing next to her. He was breathing slowly, and trying to lose tension. "It's okay Deadpool, just try to remain calm. You may need a break from all those adventures anyway. Just... resist urge to kill for now. Someone... or 'somepony', may have the way back." Lyra slowly and carefully walked to Deadpool. He looked at her and she cowered a bit. He extended his hand and began to scratch behind her ear. Lyra's eyes opened on impact, then went halfway shut, as she now in a trance. "I almost forgot the feeling of petting an animal. I just hope you horses are smarter than that mutt back at home." He pulled out his cell phone "OH SWEET!!! FREE WI-FI HERE!!! AND FULL BARS!!! This is much better than I thought!!!" "What are you talking about?" Lyra moved his hand away from her ears. "Hey! Come here!!!" Lyra walked to Deadpool. Deapool reached over her shoulder with her right arm and, using his left, carried the phone over them. "What are you doing!?!?!?" "Taking a selfie!!!" "What's a selfie?" "Back where I come from, A selfie is an annoying thing women do to try to make themselves beautiful to beat their friends & enemies in many social networks. I'm only doing this to show everyone back home where I'm at!!!" "So... smile?" "SMILE!!!" They both smiled as the picture was taken. "I may actually enjoy it here. Today, is a day, where Deadpool rules Equestria!!!" Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next? Mass majority wins.
YOU KILLED HIM!!! Pony #4: Rainbow DashAuthor's Note A Jock vs. A Nerdy jock!!! Is Rainbow Dash really a Lesbian? Will Deadpool's sexiness win the day? Who will he meet next? More *in epic movie voice* COMING SOON!!! YOU KILLED HIM!!! Pony #4: Rainbow Dash Deadpool stopped in his tracks. He began to turn his head frantically; something wasn't right. "Deadpool?" Fluttershy asked "SHUSH!!!" Deadpool replied "My Rockwell senses are tingling." "Rockwell senses?" Twilight asked "♫ I always feel like, somebody's watching me!!! And I have no privacy!!! ♫" In a red puff of smoke, he disappeared!!! "Deadpool!?!?!? Where'd you go!?!?!?" Deadpool teleported to one of the windows. A blur of multiple colors passed through the window." That's our target. Who is it? I need a refresh of the show. Ugh. Alright, here's a hint: Taste the What? ... PEARS!!! PEARS!?!?!? Alright, how about this: remember the colors? Yes. A Rainbow. Alright. This is the only pony with a mane of that color. Can you figure it out now? ... Pinkie Pie? WHAT!?!?!? NO!!! That's it!!! You're Stupid!!! No I'm not. What's 9 plus 10? ... 21. You're Stupid!!! "Enough with the vine references." Deadpool told his personas. "We've got to hunt ourselves a lesbian." OOH!!! It's Applejack!!! UGH!!! NO!!! IT'S RAINBOW DASH!!! Ooh!!! That was my 8th guess. Let's... just... get her. Deadpool Teleported away, landing on a nearby house's roof. He crouched behind the chimney & peeked over, seeing the champion of the young flyer's competition by a sonic Rainboom: Rainbow Dash!!! The rainbow mane & tail pegasus flew away from Twilight's castle with a scared look on her face: it's almost as if she saw a ghost or monster. This was, of course, Deadpool, that gave her the hibby jibees. She muttered to herself something in fear; most likely asking questions on What deadpool was, when did he came here, where did he came from, and why he was here. Careful now; we need to show that we aren't a threat to her nor any other colored horse around here. Nah, let's engage in fisticuffs with her!!! "How about we do both!?!?" Deadpool yelled. He hid immediately, as Dashie turned her head around to see what made that noise. I doubt that will work. Deadpool pulled out a single brick from the top of the chimney he was hiding behind. He turned around the corner & stood up, and threw the brick at Rainbow Dash. "M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN SUCKS!!!" Dash turned to the voice & red was being hurled to her face. She dodged it before it could hurt her, but the brick hit some other pony's house. "HEY!!!" Dash yelled "What's your Prob-?" She stopped in mid sentence, as Deadpool was twerking, shaking his butt to the pegasus. Work it out, man!!! WORK IT!!! Nicki Minaj will have to cancel her career thanks to us!!! But... aren't we going to fight Rainbow Dash? Fight? I don't remember anything about fighting. BUT YOU SAID- LOOK OUT!!! Deadpool jumped out of the way: Dash used one of her back legs to stomp on the human, but missed. Deadpool slid to the edge of the roof, got up, and did a ridiculous Kung-Fu pose. "Young grasshopper," Deadpool said, mimicking an old kung fu teacher "You have much to learn." "I don't care who you are," Dash said "But I'm not gonna let some... thing, control my friends and plan to take over Equeatria. And no one, NO ONE, Shakes their flank at me!!!" "...are you done yet? I got Tacos and they're getting cold. Is it alright if you could-" "AUGH!!!" She opened her wings and flew to Deadpool, tackling him!!! Deadpool saw that they were backing from Ponyville, but into an open field, almost similar to where he was first summoned. Dash began to do a series of rapid punches to his face, followed be her grabbing his legs & slamming him into the floor three times before being thrown into the air!!! Dash began to fly back to him, repeating the same series of punches to his face again. She did a powerful kick with one of her hind legs, sending him up even higher, and a really hard punch, sending him near space. She flew to his back and punched him, sending him free falling back to earth!!! He was lucky to turn to his backside, as his back became erupt in flames as he fell really hard on the ground, causing another hole with his silhouette in it, with all his bones broken in the process. "Deadpool!?" Twilight's faint voice was heard "Mr. Deadpool?" Fluttershy's faint voice was heard as well. Oh thank Celestia!!! The Tree & Nerd are here!!! Let's just hope they see us. Come on, move your muscles!!! Rapid healing, remember? "Oh yeah." Deadpool said to himself, feeling his bones cracking back in place. He lifted one of his hands up & climbed a bit slowly out. "There he is!!!" Twilight yelled "That's right. I'm here. Just give me a moment and we can-" "LOOK OUT!!!" Fluttershy yelled. A huge 'BOOM' was heard. Deadpool looked up & saw Rainbow Dash heading right towards him, as she did her signature 'Sonic Rainboom'!!! "OH S**T!!!" The last thing he said. Deadpool's body was crushed by the Super fast Pegasus, and he felt the bones in his neck were breaking apart, as well as his flesh: His head popped off his body, and, almost like a bullet, went super fast & really high into space!!! Twilight and Fluttershy stopped, both mouths dropped wide open. Dash came out of the hole, her wings flapping a bit, and she did some sort of celebration dance. "Aw yeah!!!" Dash yelled "No need to thank me, just saved your lives from our second villain WITHOUT the Elements of Harmony!!! ... Uh... guys? Is there something wrong?" "Something wrong!?!?!?" Twilight yelled "You killed Deadpool!!!" "...Deadpool? Really? Thats his name?" "YES!!! He just came here!!! He was lost, lonely, and needed help!!!" "But he attacked me!!!" "He felt something wrong and thought you were trying to hurt us!!! What were you doing anyways!?!?!? "Oh... that? Well... I was busy with one of my naps when I saw both of you carrying... that. I thought it was some sort of cool prop, most likely a prank on some other pony, until he moved. I saw him move from one of your windows, and I evacuated when he seemed to do something similar to Pinkie's 'Pinkie Sense'. I didn't know who to tell, but then he threw a brick at me and shaker his plot at me!!! Something tells me he was evil!!!" "RAINBOW DASH!!! He was confused and frightened he was being watched!!! Wouldn't you do the same?" "I- well I- you- you're right." Fluttershy walked to the twitching, crushed, and decapitated body of Deadpool. Tears came out of her eyes. "Oh Mr. Deadpool," she said to herself "I... just wanted to tell you... that... you were... actually... nice. You were... similar... to Discord... but I didn't know much about... you." Deadpool's sat right up while it was healing back to it's normal state before Rainbow Dash beat him up. The three ponies screamed a bit, backing up away from the body. The body got up from it's hole, walking past the three ponies, and stood still, holding it's arms out. "What's it doing?" Rainbow Dash asked "I have no idea." Twilight responded "Maybe it's trying to receive something." "LOOK OUT BELOW!!!" Deadpool's voice yelled from above. They looked up and saw Deadpool's head falling from the sky. Deadpool's body readied itself to catch it's own head. It missed. Deadpool's head landed right behind him and rolled to Fluttershy's hooves. "Nice going idiot." Deadpool said to his body. The body simply shrugged a 'I don't know' gesture. " Deadpool!!!" Fluttershy yelled with glee, holding his head "YOU'RE ALIVE!!!" She hugged his head into her chest while snuggling it. This would be SO MUCH BETTER if it was any other woman back home!!! What about those ugly women? Fine... any SEXY women back home!!! Especially those with HUGE BOOBIES!!! Just be glad we HAVE people that care about us!!! Even if they are... well... ponies. "How are you still alive!?" Rainbow Dash asked "I thought I-uh- well- killed you... though it was an accident." "Ah don't worry about it," Deadpool said "This happens nearly ALL the time back where I come from." "So... you're not angry?" "Angry? NO!!! I'm rather impressed at how much you kicked my... plot." Good to see you're not swearing "Do you need me to-" Fluttershy said, holding his head away from her chest & turning him to her face. "Oh! Yes, that would help. Hey Stupid!!! Hold still!!!" His body stood in place, not moving at all. Fluttershy flew to his body and gently placed his head on correctly. They were all amazed, especially Rainbow Dash, to see the body and head's flesh connect together, fully healed. "How did you-" Dash stuttered "It's one of his abilities." Fluttershy replied "He can fully heal almost instantaneously." "And he seems to teleport anywhere." Twilight added "Really?" Dash asked "Can you shoot lasers from your eyes?" "Oh please no!!!" Deadpool yelled "Don't remind me of that!!!" "Oh... sorry I asked." "It's no biggy. We should remember this moment as 'The day Dashie and Pooley met'" "uh... sure?" Deadpool slid next to Rainbow Dash and pulled out his cellphone "SELFIE!!!" "What are you-" "Just go with it." Twilight and Fluttershy said at the same time. Dash made an awkward smile as Deadpool took the picture. He spotted it to his Facebook, showing off all the other heroes & villains on what he's doing. "So," Deadpool said "what now?"
ESCAPE!!! Changelings #1- 1/0 (in other words, F**K IT!!!): Queen Chrysaliss and her ugly babiesESCAPE!!! Changelings #1- 1/0 (in other words, F**K IT!!!): Queen Chrysaliss and her ugly babies In a flash of blue light, Princess Luna appeared! "Yes, Sister?" Luna asked "Do you know anything about this 'Deadpool'?" Celestia asked "I... don't recall, sister. I have not meet him yet." "Yes you did!" Deadpool yelled "No I didn't." "You did." "Didn't." "DID!!!" "DIDN'T!!!" "DID!!!" "DIDN'T!!!" "DIDN'T!!!" "DID!!!" "See!!!" Luna froze in place, realizing what she said. "Deadpool?" Fluttershy asked "Yes, sweetie?" "Are you sure you meet Luna in your dream? I read an article that says most ponies in their prime say they dreamt Luna was with them." "Hold on... are you calling me, a liar!?!?!?" "NO SIR!!! You may have hallucinated in your dream, is what I'm saying." "You did hit yer head hard on the floor." Applejack commented. "I did meet her last night!!!" Deadpool yelled "Well... do you have proof?" Twilight asked "Hmm... YES!!!" He pulled out his cell phone "MY SLEEP SELFIE WITH HER!!!" "Sleep... Selfie?" Luna asked, sweating a bit. Deadpool scrolled through his phone "Let's see... Lyra... Mane 6... Vinyle... AH HA!!! Luna!!!" Celestia levitated the phone from him and looked at it: Deadpool had his eyes 'closed', looked like he was drooling in his mask, lying on a bed with his arm around Luna, who looked like she was making an awkward smile as she was pushing herself away from his grip. "It is you!" Celestia remarkably said "Sister, why are you denying meeting him?" "Uh... well-" Luna stammered "Spit it out, Moon Cheeks!!!" Deadpool yelled as he teleported right behind Luna and slapped her plot. Luna's cheeks blushed, but she turned around and gave a MUCH ANGRIER face at him!!! Her eyes flashed green fire, followed by her eyes turning from the regular pupils to a single, cat-like iris. "IT'S THE B***H: QUEEN CHRYSALISS!!!" The fake Luna lifted her back legs and bucked Deadpool directly in the face!!! He was immediately knocked out. Luna turned around to the others. "GUARDS!!! SEIZE THEM!!!" Some of the guards around Luna, in green fire, turned from ponies into weird, pony sized & shaped insect creatures!!! "CHANGELINGS!!!" Rainbow Dash yelled before a couple of the changelings tackled her to the ground! Everyone tried to defend themselves from the changelings, but were easily defeated Fluffle Puff, instead of running away or fighting, ran up to Chrysaliss!!! She jumped and grabbed onto the queen's leg, licking it while showing love. Chyrysaliss tried to shoo her away, but felt it's love. She shrugged and ate it's love, but was still surprised to see it unaffected. She turned to Deadpool. "Changelings." "Yes your majesty!" All the changelings said together "Bring all of these into out hive... especially the one called 'Deadpool'. He... interests me." Sometime Later: Deadpool woke up in an area that DEFINITELY wasn't Canterlot. He found himself in a green cocoon, stuck in between some weird green goop that connected the cocoon from the floor to the ceiling, and he saw that he was upside down. He looked around his area: surprisingly, there weren't any other cocoons around him, only a bed that looked like he could fit in to sleep in, with some scrolls, a fireplace, and books. Whoa! Where are we? If I'm guessing right, with us in a coon, we're in the Changeling hive, and, by the looks of this room, we're in Queen Chrysaliss' room. "What makes you think that, smarty pants?" Deadpool asked himself. The Door opened, and Queen Chrysaliss came in, riding on the back of Fluffle Puff. Told you. "Good morning, Deadpool." Queen Chrysaliss said, almost in a seductive tone "Had a good night sleep? I'm sorry for how we meet. Allow me to introduce myself, my name is-" "Queen Chrysaliss!!!" Deadpool interrupted. The queen's mouth closed and eyes widened in surprise "The name's Deadpool, a.k.a., the handsome man you K.O.ed after I finished off Tirek like how I've always wanted to do with Shao Kahn in Mortal Kombat. Oh... hello Fluffle Puff." "Pfft." Fluffle responded "You know each other?" Chrysaliss asked "Well, duh!" Wade replied "That's... interesting." "What are you gonna do with me?" "...With you?" "Yeah! Please... don't r**e me!!!" "WHAT!?!?!? No!!! What is that?" "It's... famous a prison game!!!" "Really? I gotta try that out with some of my prisoners." WHOAH!!! WHOA!!! "WHOA!!! I was joking!!!" "Really? Well, I'll have to get use to that when we're together." "...Together?" "Yes! Deadpool: you single handedly killed Lord Tirek! He would've made taking over Equestria and feeding my subjects difficult!!! I ask you, Deadpool, to please, I've been alone for many years, and I want... a King!!!" "You want me... to marry you!?!?!?" "YES!!! Together, you and I will begin a new age of Changelings!!! My Brains and your... talents... will aid us in taking over Equestria!!! All will bow down to us!!! We will listen to thousands, in fear and love, praise us, yelling 'Long live the King!!! Long Live the Queen!!!'. Plus, the one named... Fluffle Puff... will help feed our army and our subject will thrive in the new land!!! Be my King, turn into a changeling yourself, and rule the land!!!" "Hmm... sounds... interesting." "'Interesting'? More like Amazing!!!" "Hey! Sounds good! Quick Selfie before we begin?" "Selfie?" "Ptfftpftpffftpft." "Oh... Lay it on me!!!" The two took a selfie, as Chrysaliis goofily placed her face into the cocoon while Deadpool leaned in towards her, taking the picture. "Hey, quick question: when I turn into a changeling king, can I still eat tacos?" "...I'm sorry, but no. You see, a changeling's diet consists of-" "F**K YOUR PROPOSAL THEN!!!" "WHAT!?!?!?" Chrysaliss saw that Deadpool was gone! "GUARDS!!!" Two changelings in armor entered her room. "Yes, your majesty?" Both changeling asked "Deadpool is on the loose! Catch him before he leaves this room and escapes with the others!!!" "♫ Too late!!!♫" Deadpool mockingly sang. They turned around and saw Deadpool was outside of their doors. The door closed quickly, but Deadpool took both of his hands out and gave them middle fingers! The door closed, and he could hear them all banging at the doors. He quickly grabbed some of the good off the wall, super wet but sticky, and threw it at the door's crack. He turned around to walk away but he stopped and saw millions of changeling around him!!! Though the Mane 6 and two princesses were held in chains there as well, all the changelings stopped and stared at him. A loud 'hiss' shook the room, as the changelings began to circle the mercenary, hissing at him! Deadpool reached for his guns, but found nothing was there. DAMMIT!!! They took out guns!!! Let's not panic! We just have to be creative. "Creative?" Deadpool asked "I prefer using references to other films that were creative! 4TH WALL POWERS, ACTIVATE!!!" In a puff of red smoke, Deadpool was now in a bandito outfit, complete with a red poncho, a stylized mustache, and a sombrero over his head! "Wow... Thanks MrAquino. Are we going to do something racist towards Mexico?" Not really... this is from a classic Jim Carrey movie!!! "Did it have an awful sequel NOT starring Jim Carrey?" ...Yes. "Well then, let's get this over with. HIT IT!!!"A single hole appeared in the ceiling of the hive, showing that it was in the afternoon, but the sun was in a spot that it acted as some spotlight where Deadpool stood. Some spanish sounding music began to play and Deadpool danced to it. Some changelings kinda danced with it, but stopped when a couple of their own kind gave him/her a stern look. "What is he doing?" Celestia asked "It's best if we just watch." Luna answered "♫They call me Cuban Pete!" Deadpool sang "♫ I'm the king of the rhumba beat. When I play the maracas I go chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicly boom!!!" Yes sir, I'm Cuban Pete. I'm the craze of my native street. When I start to dance, everything goes chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky boom!!!♫" He threw the maracas away, knocking out a lone changeling that was inches away from tackling from him! Deadpool made an 'uh-oh' expression, but kept singing his song. He began to walk to another side, towards a group of changeling holding larvae (most likely nurse changelings). Celestia, as subtly as possible, used her magic to move the sun a bit, keeping the sunspot on Deadpool. "♫The senoritas they sing and how they swing with this rumbero, It's very nice, so full of spice. And when they're dancing they bring a happy ring the maraquero, El maraquero singin' a song, all the day long!!!♫" He jumped into the air and landed next to Pinkie, taking her hooves and did a tango like dance with the pink mare, though she was really half in the air more while Deadpool did the dancing. "♫So if you like the beat, take a lesson from Cuban Pete And I'll teach you to chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky-boom.♫" "♫He's really a modest guy, although he's the hottest guy! In Havana, in Havana!♫" Pinkie sang along. "♫Si, senorita I know that you would like to chicky-boom-chick!!! It's very nice, so full of spice!♫" At this point, the changelings all danced together, joining the song! Celestia nudged her head towards the others, symbolizing that this is their window to escape. The princess flew up to the sky while Rainbow Dash carried Applejack, Fluttershy with Rarity, and Twilight with Pinkie. Deadpool kept doing his dance and song, but Queen Chrysaliss was ble to finally push open the door, only to stop with an awkward look, seeing all her changelings being distracted by Deadpool dancing AND their prisoners escaping!!! "♫I'll place my hand on your hip, and if you will just give me your hand. Then we shall try - just you and I. Aye-aye-aye! So if you like the beat, take a lesson from Cuban Pete And I'll teach you chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky-boom!!!♫" All the changelings got into a row, following Deadpool to the dance of the beat! The beat dropped, and everyone, following Deadpool went into something that would be epic as a flash mob!!! Fluffle Puff ran ahead to join the crazy dancing, but Chrissie used her magic to stop her. "Start dancing and you won't sleep with me for the night." Chyrsallis warned. Fluffle acknowledged and stood right beside her, though wanting to join really bad. Chrysaliss shot a single bolt in the air, getting some changelings to stop their mindless dancing. "STOP HIM!!! IDIOTS!!!" The changelings turned to Deadpool, snarling and getting other changelings to snap out if it! Deadpool saw they were slowly getting out of their phase and teleported out of the way! Deadpool landed next to the others, who were gasping for breath while getting away!!! "Deadpool!!!" Twilight yelled with some glee "You're here!!!" "I know, baby!" Deadpool replied "Watch this." Deadpool teleported away then returned with a pretty large frog. "A frog?" Rarity asked "What is a frog going to do?" "Fluttershy, please explain." He turned around and dropped the frog down in the hive. "OOH!!!" Fluttershy yelled "I know!!! Frogs eat bugs! Changelings have characteristics of bugs, so that means-" "FROG!!!" A booming collection of changeling voices yelled, followed by screams of panic!!! "That frog's going to eat all of them!?!?!?" Applejack asked "Of course not, silly!" Deadpool replied "I just saw the frog and threw him down there to see what would happen." "...Really?" Rainbow Dash asked "Yes! Really!" Author's Note Who should Deadpool meet next? Next part will most likely be added a week after 2015 starts.
ANOTHER HUMAN!?!?!? Dan (from Dan Vs.) ANOTHER HUMAN!?!?!? Dan (from Dan Vs.) We move back to Deadpool, who was... uh... Deadpool... what are you doing? "Hmm? Me? Oh, I'm just reading your lame excuse of a Transformers-MLP cross over. Seriously!?!?!? People are into the Michael Bay Transformers, not G1 stuff anymore, get with the times, man!!!" Ugh... please, give me the benefit of the doubt, I tried to keep the original spirit but still have something new. "Oh sure, just like how Universal Studios keeps doing to all of the Dr. Seuss books." Alright, Don't you DARE compare me to them!!! They're rich, I'm not!!! "But seriously, can't you do something better than that? It's fine you added Transformers to "Mares in Black", but please, don't use that as it's own series." ... Can we continue with this story? "Fine. Break time is over!!!" Alright, thankfully, that's done and over with. We move back to Deadpool after re-killing Tirek, he walked back to Ponyville, looking at the strange picture she took with the Necromorph Queen. "Jesus!" He yelled to himself "That thing is so frightening." Where are we going? Beats me, where are we going? "Where this road will led us!!! Come on, you remember this song, right?" Some music began to play behind them "♫Just shoot for the stars!!! If it feels right, and aim for my heart. If you feel like and take me away and make it OK, I swear I'll behave!!!♫" Ooh!!! ♫You wanted control, So we waited. I put on a show, Now I make it. You say I'm a kid, My ego is big, I don't give a s**t!!! Ugh... ♫and it goes like this.♫ "♫Take me by the tongue and I'll know you. Kiss me 'til you're drunk and I'll show you all the moves like Jagger♫" ♫I've got the moves like Jagger♫ ♫I've got the moves like Jagger♫ "♫I don't need to try to control you look into my eyes and I'll own you with them moves like Jagger♫" ♫I've got the moves like Jagger♫ ♫I've got the moves like Jagger♫ "Is that you, Deadpool?" Lyra's voice was heard. The music scratched. "OH S**T!!!" Deadpool teleported up into a tree. He looked around and noticed that he was back in Ponyville. "Deapool!!! I've got someone you know!!! He's in my house, waiting for you! He says you owe him some weapons." Hold on! Those weapons we used to Kill Tirek!!! Those belonged to Dan!!! "Yeah, so?" If we can save him from Lyra, think of all the weapons we can get from him!!! I don't follow. "Wait! I see what you mean. It's time to begin, Operation: Rescue Dan from a Crazy pony b***h!!!" Deadpool teleported next to Lyra's house, where the unicorn looked around. Deadpool picked up a stone and threw it into a nearby well. The unicorn foolishly went to the well, allowing Deadpool to sneak up on her. He reached his hand up to her neck and, pressed her neck. Lyra's ears perked up. "What are you doing?" Lyra asked "Uh... the... Vulcan neck pinch?" Deadpool responded "...If that's a way to make me unconscious, then that isn't it." "Oh... well... time for Plan B. LASER POINTER!!!" "Laser What!?!?!?" Deadpool pulled out a small Laser pointer and activated it. He glowed it in front of Lyra. For a weird reason, Lyra found the red dot to be... beautiful, and she began to chase it with crazed laughing. Deadpool waved the laser pointer around, laughing at how, though thee ponies acted like humans, were still gullible enough to chase after something they can't get!!! Soon, Lyra wasn't alone: random ponies from around the town saw the laser and joined in on the action, some recognizable, others, he haven't meet yet, and, for a strange reason, Celestia joined in, knocking all the other down as she chased the red dot!!! Deadpool quickly went inside the house, turned off the laser pointer, and locked the door inside. A collective groan was heard outside. Deadpool saw the short, scruffy, rowdy & messy human, wearing the familiar black T-shirt that had, in white ledge words, 'Jerk' on it with his blue pants, tied up to a chair with his mouth in a gag, muffling his screams. Deadpool teleported right behind him and started to took off his gag. "FINALLY!!!" Dan yelled "It's about time someone noticed me being kidnapped from that candy colored horse!!! How does she not remember me? She's been obsessed with my hands, but never did she KIDNAP me... or at least... failed at doing it." "Yeah," Deadpool replied "I know that feeling, Bro." "Bro? BRO!?!?!? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M-" "SHH!!! She's outside." "...what makes you think I'm your brother?" "It's just a figure of speech." "...Name's Dan." "Deadpool." "D-Deadpool!?!?!? YOU!!! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO STOLE ME WEAPONS FROM MY PERSONAL PILLOW!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!! I'LL-" The Door slammed open, and Lyra stood in the doorway. "DEADPOOL!!!" She yelled "What are you doing with my Dan!?!?!?" "SAVE ME!!! SAVE ME!!!" "Hold on!!!" The Merc replied. Lyra began to charge at them with one of her eyes being blood shot. Deadpool teleported themselves away from the crazed unicorn, barely making it!!! They found themselves on the rooftop, looking down at Ponyville. "I suppose I should be grateful. NOW UNTIE ME!!!" "Alright, calm down." "I AM CALM!!! I JUST WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE-" A flash of light, and Lyra was back, this time, levitating a taser, tranquilizer gun, and rope with a crazed smile on her face. "You're both my pets," she said wildly "And I... you're... gonna... LOVE ME!!!" "QUICKLY!!! TO MY HIDING SPOT!!!" "WHERE!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled "IT'S UNDER TWILIGHT CHRIS'S HOUSE!!! "WHICH ONE!?!?!?" "THE ONE DESTROYED BY THE RED GUY!!!" Deadpool lifted Dan, still tied to the chair, above his head and began to run away!!! "OH NO YOU DON'T!!!" Lyra yelled "GET BACK HERE!!!" The two (though really, it's just one) ran away from the crazed unicorn, who fired her tranquilizer dart wildly, hitting other ponies, causing them to immediately fall and sleep. The two stopped at the stump that was Twilight's old home. "NOW WHAT!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled "DIG IDIOT!!!" Dan replied "DIG!!!" Deapool began to use Dan as a shovel, hearing him scream as Dirt was placed over his head, being muffled of course, then with the dirt flying in Mid air, Dan continued screaming with a mix of dirt, mud, and worms in his mouth. Lyra caught up to them and released a frightening laugh that stopped Deadpool to stop, giving Dan a chance to spit out the earth in his mouth. "Now..." Lyra began to aim the taser at them "Come out, and you won't be hurt." "... Alright," Dan said, moping a bit. "you win. Come on, let's-" "ATTACK!!!" Deadpool yelled. He threw Dan at Lyra, causing the unicorn to pull the trigger and send volts into Dan, causing him to scream loudly!!! Deadpool teleported, taking her tranquilizer away, aimed it at the unicorn's face, and pulled the trigger. A dart landed in between her eyes and, almost on instant, she fell to the floor, knocked out. Dan twitched a bit, still having electricity running though him from the taser. Deadpool took off the ending cord, giving Dan a break from twitching, but saw him pass out as well. Wade finished the digging with a knocked out Dan, and jumped into a whole where the old Lab was at... but it looked more of a dungeon more than an old laboratory. He quickly took a selfie with the sleeping human, when a lightbulb turned on out of nowhere. "I just got an idea!!!" Deadpool yelled Are we going to get them? "Oh yes!!!" ALL OF THEM!?!?!? "Oh yes!!!" Including- Him? "OH YES!!! People at home: give us the list of the characters from MLP that we all agree on, WE HATE THE MOST!!! I already have Brad, you do the rest. See you next chapter!!!" Author's Note
D********s Ponies # 19- 25 and Griffon #1: Nyx, Prince Blue Blood, Silver Spoon, Diamond Tiara, The Flim Flam Brothers, Gilda the Griffon, and He who must not be named.D********s Ponies # 19- 25 and Griffon #1: Nyx, Prince Blue Blood, Silver Spoon, Diamond Tiara, The Flim Flam Brothers, Gilda the Griffon, and He who must not be named. One kidnapping montage later: Deadpool sat down on a chair, where his targets are all tied together with ropes above a kiddy pool with toy sharks in it. His targets include: Nyx, Prince Blueblood, Gilda the Griffon, Silver Spoon & Diamond Tiara, the Flim Flam brothers and... him!!! "Are you talking about Powerpuff Girls 'Him', or-" DON'T SAY HIS NAME!!! "What? Do you mean-" SHHH!!!! "...Is it-" SILENCE!!! "...Brad?" NO!!! MY WAIFU!!! DAMN YOU!!! ALL OUR WAIFUS, TAKEN!!! "...You Bronies need a life. And he didn't take MY waif away. Why, she's right... where is she?" ...Who? "MY TACOS!!! DAMN YOU BRAD!!!" At the mention of Deadpool's voice, all his targets began to wake up. "What the-?" Gilda yelled "Where am I?" "Who's there?" Diamond Tiara asked "I'll have you know: My Daddy's rich and he'll arrest you!!! Take Silver Spoon, not me!!!" "HEY!!!" Silver replied "Twilight?" Nix asked with a lot of fear in it "Is this a test?" "I doubt this is a test, young filly." Flim of the brothers said "Indeed," Flam added "The one who has us may have found out our new secret ingredient to show inner beauty." "OOH! If we make it out, I'll have some of that." Prince Blue balls said, complimenting on them but still being disgusted by the ropes they were in. "Come on guys," the thief spoke "We gotta get outta here!!! I need to visit-" "Not another word." Deadpool spoke, silencing the panicked crowd tied up crowd together. They all looked up. Deadpool came in wearing a simple hood over him, keeping his 'identity' a secret. "What's going on!?!?!?" Blue Blood asked "Unhand me this instant!!!" "You mean us, right?" Gilda growled "SILENCE!!!" Deapool interrupted "You all have committed crimes that the Brony Fanbase would love to see you go through." "Like what?" Nyx asked, sobbing a bit. "Easy." Deadpool pulled out his phone and looked at many various memes on why Bronies hate these characters the most. "For you, Nyx, you are, what we call, a "Mary Sue", and perceived derailing effect you are on Twilight's personality." "WHAT!?!?!?" "SHUT THE F**K UP!!! Flim and Flam: you are both the most revolting con artists around and the main reason why we can't sleep, due to your... music." "We are not con artists!!!" Flim yelled "We just ant to make a few quick bits." Flam added "Sure." Deadpool responded, rolling his eyes "Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon: you are prejudiced against those with no cutie marks and always make fun of the three innocent, and might I add, cute trio known locally as the 'The Cutie Mark Crusaders'." "It's not my fault that they have no talent!!!" Diamond Tiara barked. "I don't want any of this!!!" Silver Spoon pleaded "I just follow her!!!" "Likely Story," our hero continued "Blueblood: you are the most self-centered creature who's up with extreme irritation that makes all of us want to beat the everlasting S**T out of you!!!" "That... is just vulgar." Blueblood replied "Gilda the Griffon: You made Fluttershy cry. That's it." "Seriously?" Gilda responded "What's so special about her?" "... you b*****d!!! And finally... you! I can't say your name, nor your 'human name', but you... you stole Twilight Sparkle! You made her fall in 'love' with you!!! YOU STOLE EVERYONE'S WAIFUS!!! YOU CAUSED DEPRESSION TO COUNTLESS LIVES!!!" "I did?" He asked "But... we just bumped into each other." "...Know what? I'll start with you first." He grabbed the pegasus out of the other and tightened the rope to make sure they wouldn't escape. Deadpool grabbed the infamous waif thief and stared into him with spiraling eyes!!! "What are you going to do to me?" "...we're going for a ride." The place went pitch black, a spotlight was over Deapool and that awful pony!!! Some music began to play after Deadpool's first two words. "It's not... ♫easy having yourself a good time. Greasing up those bets and betters, watching out they don't four-letter, F**k and kiss you both at the same time. Smells like something I've forgotten, curled up died and now it's rotten. I'm not a gangster tonight, don't want to be a bad guy, I'm just a loner baby and now you're gotten in my way. I can't decide hether you should live or die. Oh, you'll probably go to heaven, please don't hang your head and cry. No wonder why my heart feels dead inside: It's cold and hard and petrified! Lock the doors and close the blinds, we're going for a ride.♫" Deadpool dragged the pegasus by his tail, opening to another room, where Dan was sharpening an Axe with a crazed smile on his face. "♫It's a b***h convincing people to like you. If I stop now call me a quitter, If lies were cats you'd be a litter, pleasing everyone isn't like you. Dancing jigs until I'm crippled, slug ten drinks I won't get pickled! I've got to hand it to you, you've played by all the same rules. It takes the truth to fool me, and now you've made me angry!!! I can't decide whether you should live or die. Oh, you'll probably go to heaven, please don't hang your head and cry. No wonder why my heart feels dead inside: It's cold and hard and petrified! Lock the doors and close the blinds, we're going for a ride!!!♫" Deadpool teleported the two to the side of a cliff with a cake shop behind them! "♫Oh I could throw you in the lake or feed you poisoned birthday cake, I wont deny I'm gonna miss you when you're gone. Oh I could bury you alive, But you might crawl out with a knife and kill me when I'm sleeping that's why: I can't decide whether you should live or die. Oh, you'll probably go to heaven, please don't hang your head and cry. No wonder why my heart feels dead inside: It's cold and hard and petrified! Lock the doors and close the blinds We're going for a ride." He telported them back to their area spot where all of his targets were still hanging over the kiddy pool. "So... there are ponies who really hate me?" Orange pegasus asked "Oh yes! And many would LOVE to pay me millions just to kill you!!!" "What about these other ponies you kidnapped!?!?!?" "Them? Eh, perhaps a couple thousand." "HEY!!!" Diamond yelled "I'm worth BILLIONS compared to your head!!!" "Correction: I am worth 17 billion, 734 million, 99 thousand, 432 dollars and 17 cents... tax included. You're all just going to add some cash to that list. But now, we get to the good part!!!" Dan came inside and gave Deadpool the axe he was sharpening!!! "ANY LAST WORDS!?!?!?" "DEADPOOL!!!" A booming voice roared through the crowd. A flash of yellow white, and Princess Celestia stood next to them! "F**K YOU MRAQUINO!!! F**K THAT 'Deus ex machina' BULLS**T!!!" "DEADPOOL!!! What is the meaning of this!?!?!?" "Uh... we're... doing... a... jewish circumcision!!!" "...Does it involve using an axe?" "... it can. Uh... DAN!!! DISTRACTION!!!" "NO WAY!!!" Dan replied, running away "GOOD LUCK WITH THAT!!!" "COWARD!!!" Deadpool looked up to Celestia, who used her magic to take the axe out of his hands. She used the axe and chopped the rope, releasing his targets. "Deadpool," she in an angered tone "Something like can make you-" "Banished on the moon for 1000 years!?!?!?" "... no. You can be-" "Imprisoned in stone!?!?!?" "No! You can be-" "TRAPED UNDER SNOW!?!?!?" "NO! YOU CAN BE-" "LOCKED AWAY IN TARTARUS FOREVER!?!?!?" Celestia face hoofed herself "Sure... why not?" "NEVER!!!" Deadpool put on a gas mask and threw a canister on the floor. On the canister, it was written (though censored for good reasons) 'F**K YOU EX MAKINA'. Smoke began to rise, and everyone who smelt it, fell to the floor, unconscious. Well... what do we do now? WE CAN QUICKLY CUT THEIR HEADS OFF AND ADD THEM TO OUR TROPY COLLECTION NEXT TO TIREK'S!!! We don't have a collection!!! And where did his head go? "I'm pretty sure somepony has him." Somewhere: Tydal was in the middle of a forest. He pulled out his bag and quickly took out the decapitated head of Tirek. "So Tirek," he spoke to the head "how's it like being... light headed!" Silence came between them. A lone breeze flew by the horrible looking O.C. "BOO!" The breeze spoke in it's high pitch irish accent "Y'ER JOKES ARE AWEFUL!!!" Back to the story: Groaning was heard around the Merc. Celestia and all of his targets woke up. "Where are we?" Celestia spoke "Deadpool!?!?!? What's going on?" "Don't worry about it," Deadpool lied to the princess "We're just underneath the old ruins of Twilight's old home, looking for something of value. The Flim-Flam brothers are paying us to do so, you took Blueblood to get out of this house, Gilda is our protection, that guy was trying to hit on her, and those two brats followed here to make fun of this blank flank, who followed me in to find her cutie mark and thought I was pure AWESOMNESS... Which I am." "That... sounds reasonable." "Can we get out of here?" Blue blood complained "this place is SO barbaric." Gilda and the D****e looked at each other. "...So," Mr. D*****bag spoke "Doing anything tonight?" "In your dreams." Gilda replied "BLANK FLANK!!!" The two brats yelled "Stop it!!!" Nyx replied, hugging Deadpool's leg. Deadpool leaned over and picked up the small Alicorn, tempted to snap her neck. "There There," he replied, imagining what it would be like to football kick a small Alicorn. Celestia used her magic and carried Nyx over to her. "What a strange Alicorn." Celestia commented "What's your name, little one?" "My name?" the other Alicorn responded "It's Nyx. Do you know where Twilight is at?" "I sure do. Come on everypony, let's get out of here!" "What a waste of bits." Flim scolded at his brother "It wasn't MY idea." Flam replied. "Hold on!" Deadpool yelled "LET'S HAVE A SELFIE TOGETHER!!!" "Oh YES!!!" Celestia replied "With this group, I'm sure it will be great!" "ALL Together now!!!" Deadpool took out his camera and everyone stood together in a, though tight, rather colorful group! A picture was taken, though Deadpool wants to delete it. Celesita used her magic and all of them teleproted above ground! Though Celestia and Nyx were gone, most likely back in Canterlot, the rest all stood awkwardly in place. Without much to say, all the ponies and single griffon went back to their original paths. Twilight came out of a corner and stood next to Deadpool, who was taking rather deep, angered breaths along. "Hey Deadpool," Twilight greeted herself. "Say, were you... with Flash Sentry?" Deadpool took out the axe and, with the sharp tip, slammed it into his own head right in between his eyes then fell. Some music began to play, with large red text that read 'Critical Mission Failure', with three options below it: a green that read 'continue', a blue that read 'load', and a red that read 'Main Menu'. "I take it you don't like him then, right?" Author's Note Song is based on this video: I've just started playing the Mass Effect games (though I already know how #3 ends) and those who played it will know the 'Game over' screen. Who should Deadpool meet next?
A celebrtiy we all hate. Pony # 87: Justin Beiber.A cream coat colored stallion with a brown mane, a mic for a cutie mark, wearing a blue hoodie, all with the looks of a mare, walked around ponyville. He looked around stupidly, only to be hit by a truck! Deadpool, Octavia, Vinyl, and the Taco squad came out of the truck! "There's that N***a that's killing music!!!" Deadpool yelled "Get him!" Both Vinyl and Octavia, using their instruments, beat the s**t out of the pony!!! The pony laid on the floor, dead from the abuse brought by two ponies. "Who was he?" Vinyl asked "Justin Beiber! For far too long, has he escaped. And now... he's dead! He can't hurt the youth anymore!" Back on Earth. "The news have reported that Justin Beiber is gone, and that he may be dead." The news reporter spoke. While the little girls and gay boys cried, every parent (with the exception of a few), did this: Back in Equestria: "I don't think he deserves that death." Discord spoke "Are you saying he should live!?" Deadpool asked with a crazed, twitching eye. "Oh no! He should have a fate worse than death!" "What do you- OH!!! I SEE!!!" Discord snapped his fingers and Justin Beiber was brought back to life. "What the-!?" The beaver yelled "What's going on!? Did I-" Deadpool grabbed onto the gay horse's jacket and brought his face to face "We're going to have so much fun with you... man... woman... thing!" "...I'm a Dude! And are you-" "Roll the death scenes!!!" And, just like that, Justin Beiber died multiple deaths, almost like Kenny from South Park, only funnier, since we know who this guy is! Since I'm too lazy to write it all down, here's some top 10 videos that speak of the many ways Deadpool & company kill Justin Beinber! Author's Note How would you kill Justin Beiber!? Who should Deadpool meet next?
The Deadpool Empire!?!?!? Ponies # 95-98: Double Diamond, Party Favor, Sugar Belle, and Night Glider.The Deadpool Empire!?!?!? Ponies # 95-98: Double Diamond, Party Favor, Sugar Belle, and Night Glider. Deadpool woke up in the next morning, feeling the warm coat of Coco. Coco was still fast asleep, lightly breathing out of her nostrils, lightly humming to herself as she slept. By the way she slept, how warm she was, ad the way she made light movements with the only fast thing being her ears flicking flies that were near it, this reminded Deadpool a lot when he was home and woke up with his dog, Deadpooch. He didn't want to ruin her beauty sleep, so he turned around, but screamed when Starlight Glimmer was next to his bed! "AAAAIEEE!!!!" Deadpool yelled! Coco woke up surprised in a state of panic, whining like, well, a horse. She jumped off the bed and ran blindly, hitting a nearby wall, knocked out! Deadpool stared, seeing Starlight Glimmer was still in her statue phase. "GOTCHA!!!" Discord yelled, appearing right in front of Deadpool and next to Starlight. "Not funny!!!" Deadpool replied "It kinda is." Pinkie spoke, climbing out from under the bed with Sonata and Flufflepuff. Deadpool took an annoyed breath and looked at Starlight. "We seriously have to find a way to get her back." "Why!?" Sonata asked "Just look at her! She makes a great back scratcher!" "Sorry Sonata, but we have to find a way to get her back to her unstatue phase!" "And how will you do that?" Discord asked "By going where she once ruled!" Deadpool had Starlight strapped to his back, as he used the train... TRAIN OF HYPENESS MADE BY DISCORD!!! Deadpool in Big Mac's Spot, Fluffle in A.J's place, Pinkie where Lyra is at, Sonata at Derpy's, and Discord as the train. As soon as the Train exploded Deadpool flew into the air, followed by rolling down a hill, a couple of bumps that caused him to hit the floor harder, ending with crashing into an outside table. Deadpool reopened his eyes, seeing ponies around him. Where the hell are we!? We're in the same town from the Season 5 Premiere. Oh! ... What's it called? That... I have no F**king clue. "Are you alright?" One of the ponies asked "Yep!" Deadpool replied, cracking his right arm back in place. "Just a couple of broken bones... some broken organs, but I'll be fine! I'm not sure about her, though." "Her?" Another asked. The falling sound effect from various looney tunes cartoons were heard, and the ponies looked up, seeing the silhouette of what was another pony. She didn't scream, she didn't move, and she probably didn't notice what's going on. "That's her." Deadpool teleported away and grabbed Starlight in the air, spinning uncontrollably until they both crashed in the ground! Dust was around and the ponies whispered to each other on what has happening. The dust cleared, and they were both gone. "WHERE'D THEY GO!?!?!?" A pony screamed "Right here!" They all turned and gasped at the sight of Deadpool leaning on Starlight. "Care to help me find out what's wrong with good ol' Fake Twilight #2?" Silence fell among them. "RUN!!!" A pony screamed "STARLIGHT'S BACK WITH A VENGENCE!!!" All the ponies ran away, screaming as if they were in a B-Cheesy movie or in a Kaiju film. The ponies ran inside their homes, locking their doors and sealing windows, all except for 4 ponies. One on the ponies was a white earth pony stallion with the same colored mane, having one three blue flowers for his cutie mark, the other stallion was a turquoise colored unicorn with a darker shaded mane of the same color & had a pink balloon animal with streamers for his cutie mark, one of the two mares was an earth pony mare that had a dark pink coat, a curly but buttoned purple mane, ending with a simple cupcake with a charry on it for her cutie mark, and the last was a Pegasus mare with a grey-blue coat & a white mane with tail, ending with a crescent moon having two other crescents around it for her cutie mark. Deadpool remembered from the Season 5 premiere on who these were: Double Diamond, Party Favor, Sugar Belle, and Night Glider. Why aren't they running!? They saved the Mane 6 AND went head on against Starlight glimmer to save our heroine's cutie marks OUR HEROINE HAS A CUTIE MARK!?!?!? NO!!! We don't have drugs!!! These four ponies slowly approached Deadpool, ears down to the side of their heads, being very cautious around their old leader, who was probably really angry with them. "Hold on," Double Diamond Spoke "Is that really Starlight glimmer, or is it a statue?" "Oh believe me," Deadpool replied "this is the real Starlight!" "Then... why isn't she moving at all?" Party favor asked "Yeah. Why is she like a statue and not, well, moving?" Sugar Belle added "I asked her how she got her cutie mark." Deadpool replied "She tried to take over Ponyville with a bunch of jars, but it was failed from THE MIGHTY HAMMER OF DAWN!!!" "...okay." Night Glider simply commented, a bit freaked out by Deadpool's sudden yelling. "We remember that phase!" Diamond spoke to Party favor. "Yeah!" Party replied "How did that work again?" "Now hold on guys," Sugar spoke "do we really want Starlight to get out of this phase? You remember what she did to all of us, right!?" "We go Sugar Belle, but it'll be wrong to leave her like that." "I don't think so," Night Glider replied, walking up to the frozen Starlight "I think it's actually fun for her to stay like this!" "It is!" Deadpool spoke "Watch this!" Deadpool, with his right index finger, slowly extended it to Starlight's eye! Now, if Starlight noticed her surroundings, she may have been like Iisac from Dead Space 2, as Deadpool slowly laid his finger into Starlight's eye! In a few breathtaking seconds, Deadpool poked one of the eyeballs of Starlight... followed by her SCREAMING!!! "MY EYE!!!" Starlight yelled "MY EYE!!!" "SHE'S BACK!!!" Sugar Belle yelled, running away! "That's how we did it!" Double Diamond spoke "I now wished we stopped Deadpool." Party Favor added, backing up slowly. Starlight covered her poked eye, seeing the 4 that attacked her to save the mane 6's Cutie Marks. "YOU FOUR!!!" She yelled, her horn glowing "YOU BETRAYED ME AND ALLOWED THEIR IDEALS OF FRIENDSHIP TO SPREAD LIKE A DIEASE AND-" "Shut up." Deadpool spoke, whacking starlight with her 'Staff of Sameness'. Starlight stopped talking, but spoke in gibberish, tried her best to balance herself with a few steps, but fell onto her face with her hind & tail in the air. All the ponies exited their homes, seeing Starlight out of her phase, but knocked out by Deadpool. Deadpool gently kicked Starlight onto her back, as she groggily regained her vision, only to see Deadpool in her vision. Deadpool got up and began to dance around Starlight, many of these done by Various NFL players after doing a touchdown "Did... he just hit Starlight!?" A random pony asked "And... is he dancing?" Another asked. "This guy's awesome!!!" A pony commented. In a matter of moments, all the ponies exited their homes and surrounded Deadpool, cheering that not only did he beat Starlight Glimmer, but he did so without hesitation and how he did it so gracefully! Oh look! We have so many ponies around us. YES!!! Now we'll live like kings!!! They don't want a new leader!color] "ALL HAIL THE NEW FOUNDER!!!" the ponies yelled ...See? Shut up! "Founder!?" Deadpool yelled "Oh no! I don't want any reward for this... not really." "What do you want then?" Sugar Belle asked "Two things: Plenty of Dough and fun!" "I... should have some dough with me" "And how can we pay you in fun?" Double Diamond asked "I can think of one idea." Party Favor spoke with a sly grin. Everypony stopped and saw Deadpool dancing with music behind him. Because of him dancing, they too, felt the urge to dance as well. "♫I come home in the morning light,♫" Deadpool sang "♫My mother asks 'when you gonna live your life right?' Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones, and ponies... they want to have fun! Oh ponies just want to have fun!!! The phone rings in the middle of the night. My father yells 'what you gonna do with your life!?' Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one But ponies they want to have fun! Oh ponies just wanna have- That's all they really want! Some fun! When the working day is done. Oh ponies, they want to have fun. Oh ponies just want to have fun!♫" "♫Ponies, they want to have-♫" All of Sunset's old followers sang along. "♫Want to have fun. Ponies, want to have-♫" "♫Some colts take a beautiful mare and hide her away from the rest of the world! I want to be the one to walk in the sun! Oh ponies they want to have fun! Oh ponies just want to have- That's all they really want! Some fun! When the working day is done, Oh ponies, they want to have fun! Oh ponies just want to have fun!!!♫" "♫Ponies, they want to have-Want to have fun. Ponies, want to have-♫" "♫They just wanna! They just wanna!♫" Deadpool and all the mares sang while the stallions sang the other chorus. "♫They just wanna, they just wanna have fun! They just wanna, they just wanna! They just wanna, they just wanna! Ponies, Ponies just wanna have fun!!! When the workin'! When the workin' day is done! Oh when the workin' day is done! Oh Ponies, Ponies just wanna have fun! They just wanna, they just wanna! They just wanna, they just wanna! Oh Ponies, Ponies just wanna have fun! When the workin'! When the workin' day is done When the working day is done! Oh Ponies, Ponies just wanna have fun! Yeah, yeah, yeah!!!♫" Everypony stopped dancing, sweating hard, as Starlight sat on her haunches, seeing fun they were having. "...I guess... I'm wrong." Starlight spoke, tearing up a bit "Don't feel too bad." Party Favor spoke "This is all... uh-" "His name is Deadpool. Foiled three times by him! He... really is the best thing to happen here." She got up and began to walk away. "Wait!" Double Diamond yelled "You can stay with us! Live EQUALLY like us!" "...No! I can't!!! I've been power hungry without noticing it! I've lied to myself on how all ponies need to live equally, only to then discover that I'm just, if not, worse than the Centaur, Tirek!!! I can't stay here! Plus... you all must hate me, and... you have the right to." Night Glider landed in front of her! "Look," Night spoke "Yes you took our cutie marks away, and yes you ruled over us with an iron hoof, but you did something great!" "And what is that?" "You made this town! You helped us get together! And, your weird phase made us laugh." "...My phase?" "The one where you become a statue when we ask you of your cutie mark." Sugar Belle spoke. "Oh... that." "You wouldn't believe the fun we've had with her as a statue!" Party Favor Spoke to Deadpool "Oh... I can think of one thing." Deadpool spoke, followed by a low purr. "You... really want me to stay?" Starlight asked, turning to the crowd. "As long as you don't steal our Cutie marks and lock them in a vault." Double Diamond spoke. "That... sounds great!" "We got ourselves a new friend!!!" Deadpool yelled. The ponies cheered and ran around Starlight, apologizing for some things that went through their mind, as the 4 ponies with a name came back to Deadpool. "Think she's finally reformed?" Night Glider asked "Giver her some time, thane she should be." Party Favor replied "Thank you for that... thing earlier." Sugar Belle spoke "I'm just glad you brought Starlight here to be reformed. "It's no problem!" Deadpool replied "Though I do have one thing." "Oh... the dough!" "Hold onto that, I just need a moment to capture this!" "And that is?" Double Diamond asked "A SELFIE!!!" They all surrounded Deadpool, who took a Selfie with the 4 ponies that saved the mane 6! Starlight walked up to Deadpool, ears down, having a sad look. "I'm... sorry for what I did." Starlight spoke "You can forgive me, can you?" Her bottom lip went over her top lip, and her eyes watered a bit. She may be evil... but that's still cute. HHHNNNGGG!!! "...Of course!" Deadpool replied, smiling. Starlight ran and grabbed Deadpool's leg, giving him a hug. "Thank you!!! Thank you so much!!!" And just like that, Deadpool was gone, like an Angel's kiss! ... Sorta! "Deadpool!!!" Sugar Belle yelled "You forgot your Dough!" Sugar lifted a canister in her mouth. Deadpool reappeared and took it, disappearing for good this time! Author's Note Well... at least she's cured. Who should Deadpool meet next? And please, only 1 Pony! The next 2 chapters after that will make you laugh, make you cry, and, with luck, crazy!!! What was going on through Deadpool's head? Well... Edit our guy to look like Deadpool and edit a still shot of the Starlight Statue in front of him
300 LIKES!?!?!? Robots # 3-8 and Pony #104 & 105: The FNAF Robots and Pipsqueak with HoofbeardIt was the afternoon at Horseshoe bay, and a little colt sat on the beach, making a sand castle. He was relatively small for someone his age, and was a bit scrawny, but he has a white coat with light brown patches over his left eye, chest, around his tail, & on his left hind hoof, making him look more like a puppy than a pony, but was saved with from being called a dog thanks to his brown mane. He heard what was a boom in the distance, followed by someone laughing and heavy flapping of wings! "THOUEST WILL PAY FOR RUINING THY SLEEP!!!" A familiar royal voice yelled, shaking the breach. "But Cake gobbler thinks it's funny!!!" Another voice replied, taking deep breaths. "CELESTIA WILL FIND IT FUNNY WHEN I SERVE THOUEST HEAD ON A PLATTER!!! "So you ponies really do eat meat!?" The young foal got up and looked in the distance. Traveling & running nonstop, was Deadpool himself, persuaded by the the princess of the Night herself, with what appeared to be jelly on the right side of her face! Before he could react, Deadpool quickly grabbed the foal in his arms and turned around, and tossed him at the princess herself like if he were a football! "PIPSQUEAK!?" the princess asked, before being smacked in the face by the foal, causing the princess to lose her flight and crash into the sandy floor below. Deadpool approached to the two, seeing the small foal cling on to Luna's face for dear life, and the princess clearly knocked the f**k out! Let's hope he's not recycling the same jokes. Wait... aren't we a joke as well? ...Don't you ever make that assumption again. "Princess!" The colt yelled in a British accent "Are you alright? Say something!" "Gonna... get... you... Deadpool." Luna grumbled. "Who are you talking about?" "That'd be me, little Pipsqueak!" Deadpool announced. Pip froze in fear and turned around, seeing Deadpool stand over him like a giant! "What... did you do to her?" "What I did for a few thousand likes like these idiots!" Deadpool pulled out his phone and showed Pipsqueak why Luna has Jelly on her cheek. "...Some of these aren't even 'Smack cams'." Pip commented "Yeah... YouTube tends to do that." Deadpool replied. "What are you gonna do when she wakes up?" Deadpool picked up a shovel. "The only way I know how." "WHAT!?!?!?" "LAND HO!!!" A voice yelled. They turned to the ocean, only to see a large ship heading landing on the beach. A figure swung from the ropes, landing near them. "OH NO!!!" Deadpool yelled "Johnny Depp dressed up Captain Jack Sparrow as a pony!!!" "What in Hoofey Jones Locker are ye talking about!?" the pirate pony replied "The name be Hoofbeard; legend of the Equestrian seas!!!" "A real pirate!?" Pipsqueak asked in excitement "Aye! I have came here to Horseshoe bay to find meself a crew for an adventure!" "Adventure!? Where!?" "A portal opened above me, and I retrieved a map, revealing a place with treasure! I need a tough as nails crew to do this. Will you three be willing to embark on this adventure with me?" "WOULD I!!! What about you princess!?" Luna grumbled with her face in the sand. Deapool lifted Lunas head by her horn. "Throw you... in jail." She grumbled. Deadpool released her, making her face plop into the sand. "She means 'yes'." Deadpool replied "And I have some crew members that will help us out!" "More crew mates!?"Hoofbeard asked "Bring 'em in!" "They're already here." In a puff of smoke, the taco squad appeared! Discord, Fluffle Puff, Pinkie, and Deadpool were dressed in pirate gear, ready to sail the seas... except for Sonata. "What's wrong with you?" Discord asked "I can swim." She simply replied. "Can't forget two other things!" Deadpool announced. In a cartoonish bubble cloud, Deadpool pounced on both Pipsqueak and Luna, forcing Pipsqueak to be back in his nightmare night costume and Luna dressed up as a pirate She looks adorable! Let's hope she forgives us when she awakens. "Come on lads!" Deadpool yelled "Let's earn us some booty!" "Shouldn't I tell my mom about this." Deadpool picked up Pipsqueak and whispered in his ear. "Don't worry about that. Luna's going with us, and she's a princess, so when you return, Luna will take the blame for you being gone on our adventure. Doesn't that sound good?" "It... does... but it fells wrong." "You'll get used to it!" Deadpool's ladies picked up Luna and brought her into the ship. After a few preparations, the ship sailed into the sead, and their adventure began! While Luna woke up after they set sailed, but after seeing herself in the adorable Pirate outfit, and was with Pipsqueak, she forgave Deadpool. While they were off to a great start, everyone was under the hot sun, having only the waves of the ocean being the sound heard. "It's been two weeks since we left Canterlot." Luna complained "2 days since there was a breeze." Pinkie added. "Oh no!" Discord yelled "I've got the madness!!! I'VE GOT CABIN FEVER!!!" "I'VE GOT IT TOO!!!" Sonata yelled "Cabin fever!!!" Everyone but Hoofbeard yelled. Deadpool Luna Pipsqueak Sonata Pinkie Discord ♫I got cabin fever, It's burning in my brain! ♫ ♫I got cabin fever, It's driving me insane! ♫ ♫We've got cabin fever, We're flipping our bandanas. Been stuck at sea so long that we have simply gone bananas!!!♫ *Dancing!* ♫We've got cabin fever, we've lost what sense we had, We've got cabin fever we're all going mad!♫ ♫Grab yer partners by the ears, Lash 'em to the wheel! Dosey doe, step on his toe, Listen to him squeal! Allemande left, allemande right, It's time to sail or sink. Swing yer partner over the side and drop 'im in the drink!♫ ♫We've got cabin fever,♫ ♫No ifs, ands or buts,♫ [color=#265daf♫]We're disoriented♫ ♫And demented,♫ ♫And a little nuts!♫ ♫Ach nor beaver, Volkswagen car! Sauerbraten, wienerschnitzel! Unt is vunderbarr. ♫ ♫We were sailing, sailing, The wind was on our side, ♫ ... ♫but then it died. ♫ I've got cabin fever,I think we lost Deadpool's grip I'd like to get my hands on whoever wrote this script! ♫I was floating in a tropic moon, And dreaming of a blue lagoon, Now I'm as crazy as a loon!!! ♫ ♫Cabin fever has ravaged all aboard! This once fine vessel has become a floating psycho ward. We were sailing, sailing, Heading who knows where! And now though we're all here, We're not all there! ♫ The madness ended when they all landed on land. "...what just happened?" Luna asked, shaking herself back into reality. "I'm going to need to recruit a pegasus for water." Deadpool spoke, pulling out a notebook & pencil, writing down what he said. Who would fit in that role? Anypony BUT Flash Sentry! "This be where the map leads up!" Hoofbeard yelled, pulling out the map. "We follow the map west and head to a placed called 'azzip raebzaf ydderf'" "He's speaking fancy!" Pinkie yelled "Let me guess," Discord spoke "Another song?" "Nope!" Deadpool replied "A traveling montage! Yo! Hit the song 'The Trail we Blaze'" Everyone fell down into the misty area, landing into a large bundle with Pipsqueak being the cherry on top. "Everypony alright?" Luna asked. Everyone groaned in response "Good enough." "GET OFF ME!!!" Hoofbeard yelled. Discord snapped his finger and everyone got up. "The treasure should be right here." "You mean that building?" Sonata asked, pointing out to a building. "That may be it." He pulled out his sword "Prepare yeselves!" "Hold on just a minute." Deadpool spoke, walking ahead. He looked at the building. That sign!!! It can't be! Oh f**k that! "Hold on... that map!" Deadpool took the map away from Hoofbeard.Carefully, he turned it around and looked at it. "THAT'S FREDDY FAZBEAR PIZZA!!!" "What is that?" Luna asked "...Five Nights at Freddy's" The sound of footsteps came, each sounding heavy and robotic. "I'll handle this." Deadpool pulled out a heavy machine gun out of nowhere and walked inside. Heavy firing was made inside, a man was inside yelling "Pizza!", followed by Deadpool screaming loudly. Silence fell. The door opened and Deadpool exited, holding another human." "ANOTHER HUMAN!?!?!?" Pinkie yelled "Not just any human," Deadpool replied "Scott Cawthon!" "...who's that?" Pipsqueak. "The creator of those animatronics inside. You may not want to enter though, they'll scare the s**t out of you." "Let me go!" Scott yelled "I'm busy making Five Nights at Freddy's 5!!!" "Not anymore! Let's get outta here!!!" "What about the treasure!?" Hoofbeard yelled "Relax! This guy's worth millions online! I'll sell him on E-bay or Amazon!" The pirate squad left. Unfortunately, inside the pizzeria, the robots, even with bullets, Freddy, Chica, Bonnie, Foxy, the balloon boy, and the puppet got up. Everyone was back in the seas, as Luna, Pipsqueak, and Deadpool had a chat with each other. "So he's spread fear in your world?" Luna asked "Hell ya!" Deadpool replied "And, let's not forget, when game companies release a game that feels the same to the first, they at least give it a year. Scott, on the other hand, releases a game ever three to four months." "Maybe he's just hyper at working." Pipsqueak commented "I don't think so little one, he seems more or like a-" "ONCOMING SHIP!!!" Hoofbeard yelled. Everyone turned to see that another ship was heading towards them, and, controlling the mast, was Foxy the Pirate, and the crew was the other robots!!! "Get ready everypony! Battle stations!" "Let me handle this." Deadpool spoke. He teleported into the FNAF ship, wearing what was a mix of a Freddy head, Chika torso, Foxy arms, and Bonnies legs. He then performed the dance of the FNAF. The robots stared at him, then gave a 'Seriously?' look. The puppet reappeared with Scott in it's hands! "Finally!" Scott yelled "Freedom! Attack!!!" The robots jumped at Deadpool, but he reappeared on Hoofbeard's ship. "If it's a fight ye want, it's a fight ye will get!" Deadpool yelled in his best pirate accent. The resulting fight was this: The ship sunk, but the robots and Scott were brought onto Hoofbeard's ship! Deadpool took out his sword "Enough of this motha f***a!" Deadpool commented. He sliced Scott's face off, only to reveal that- "HE'S A ROBOT!?!?!?" Pipsqueak yelled, hiding behind Luna. "I knew it! The FNAF sequels, the reason Terminator's been going down the drain, it's all because of you! You're from the future!!! Why are you here!?" "...To make myself rich, of course." Scott replied in a more robot sounding voice "Rich!?" "Yes... the FNAF sequels will make me rich in less than two years. I can thank the internet for making me more popular. It started off as small thing, then it grew like wildfire! Plus, people will love the story! They will love the fact that they have to solve it rather than be explained!!!" "Well... what's real the lore!?" "... My rise to fame." "Not anymore!!!" Remove telekinesis The puppet exploded and balloon boy jumped into the water because HE SUCKS!!! The rest, however, shook and looked at each other, as iuf this is their first time. "What do we do with these?" Discord asked "I think they'll be helpful in their way." Deadpool replied "Set sails to Equestria!!!" Author's Note -Foxy the Pirate is now a proud member of Captain Hoofbeard's crew... if you can call himself being the crew. -Bonnie the Bunny now performs with a band called "The Horseshoes" -Chicka is living inside Fluffle Puff's fur, eating all the pizza she could want. -Freddy became a lawyer. -Luna was able to spare Pipsqueak punishment, but now she needs to make sure Pip's family never gets a nightmare for the entire year. -The Taco squad is still together. -Deadpool is still Deadpool, so... no reason to mention him here. Who should Deadpool meet next. Also, 300 LIKES!?!?!? ROLL THE OVERUSED MEME!!!
Smoke weed Everyday. Pony #106: Tree Hugger ...What did you expect? Fo schizzle my nizzle! Author's Note Yeah... got busy with other stuff and was too lazy.
6000 views!!!Deadpool fell from the sky and fell into a convenient hole near Canterlot's castle. Ok, by falling into a hole, his upper body fell into the whole while his legs stuck out. He struggled to free himself, but nothing was working. "Fine! I guess I'm going to teleport myself out!" He said. Unfortunately, his belt fell off. "Oh F**k you!" But, a stallion approached to him. The stallion was red like Big Mac, had the same color mane & tail as said stallion, but he was average sized wore a black vest with a green tank top underneath, and he was a unicorn. Sounds familiar. It's Firebrand. "Uh... what's this?" He asked "First, I was going to watch the latest episode, now I'm in Equeatria as my OC, and... is that... Deadpool?" "Yo! Wassup!? That's me, Deadpool... stuck in this convenient hold with my ass in the air. Care to help me out?" "...Yeah, as awesome as it would be to help you, can't you teleport?" "Belt fell off. Can you pull me out? Just yank me out and-" "Yeah, see, I'm actually busy right now, so I gotta-" "Busy!? Too busy to help me out? Deadpool? Better give me a good explanation that isn't boring!" Unbeknownst to Deadpool, Firebrand began to do some hopping, but- "Wait? Is that... music? I'm the only one meant to sing!!!" "♫ I'm busy, busy, dreadfully busy You've no idea what I have to do. Busy, busy, shockingly busy Much, much too busy for you.♫" "Huh... Veggietales, eh? Say, if you're not that busy to sing, care to tell me what you thought of those redesigns of the characters?" Before Firebrand could speak, another voice came, this one, a woman's. "Firebrand!? What are you doing here? And... is that Deadpool?" "Ink Rose?" Firebrand asked "What are you doing here? And yes, this is Deadpool." "Yo!" Deadpool spoke "Care to help me out?" "...Sorry, but I'm busy." She replied "How busy can you both be!? Can't you help a guy out evey once in a while?" The two ponies stared at the man for a while, but they both said with a smile. "♫We're busy, busy, dreadfully busy You've no idea what we have to do. Busy, busy, shockingly busy Much, much too busy for you.♫" The two began to do a ballroom dance together. "♫'Cause we're busy, busy, frightfully busy More than a bumblebee, more than an ant. Busy, busy, horribly busy We'd love to help, but we can't!♫" "See ya!" Firebrand added. Both walked away. Deadpool fell deeper into the hole. "Oh s**t." He fell into a dark area, and landed on a large pile of snow "...ow." Deadpool looked up to see the two most famous Skeletons: Sans and Papyrus, the skeleton brothers from Undertale! "I'm telling you, Sans!" Papyrus began. "Once I find my first human, I'll be let into the royal guard for sure!" "You mean the thing standing right in front of us?" Sans asked, pointing at Deadpool. "EGAD!!! A HUMAN!!! Quickly Sans! Initiate the puzzles!!!" "That kinda looks like an adult." "Whatever!" "You do realize he's gonna fight back, right?" "Oh boy! I love this part in the game!" Deadpool spoke "Yo! Hit the theme, but with a remix!" Papyrus threw some bones at Deadpool. The Merc, however, was able to dodge them rather quickly, but was caught off guard when a sword came and stabbed right inbetween his eyes. "Ha! Got 'em!" Papyrus spoke "And not with my bones!" A NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES!!! Deadpool, after pulling the sword from his face, was introduced to... Deadpool? "What the-!?" Our Deadpool said in shock. "Who the f**k is this!?" "What does it look like, dumbass?" The other Deadpool asked "I'm Deadpool, the sexiest Motha Fucka!" "HEY!!! You're swearing and it isn't censored!?" "Yep!" "Oh, I'm gonna enjoying killing me you son of a b***h! DIE!!!" Our Deadpool (Who we'll call Deadpool 1 now) was meet with a blue blast, blowing him away with a burn, only to be impaled by a nearby tree. His vision blurred, but he saw that next to his... evil self... good self... mirror self, was the mirror Luna. "So glad to see you drop by, Lu-Lu." Mirror-Pool (yes, we're gonna call him that) said as the evil looking walked next to him. "Please, I wouldn't my Wittle Wade to be hurt, do I?" She replied. "Wait!" Deadpool 1 spoke "Lu-Lu? Wittle Wade? Are you both... you know?" "Yes." Both answered bluntly. "...Uh... how does it work, exactly? Do you... stick it in there? Is she on top? Do you do a spell that makes a-?" Mirror Pool pulled out a pistol and blasted Deadpool in his face, leaving a hole. "Thank you." Evil Luna spoke "That was making me uncomfortable." "Eh, no worries." Mirror pool replied "And he should be dead now. But, for the fun part!" "Oh, you horny human!" Deadpool 1 healed quickly and saw the two making out with each other. WHOO!!! YEAH!!! Get it on! F***ing pig. This is a different form of Bestiality. Nah! They can talk! And she wanted it! ... That's just gross. Deadpool carefully pulled himself out and ran into the forest... before tripping over this world's Luna. "Deadpool!?" She asked in shock "What are you doing here!?" "I fell." Deadpool replied "What are YOU doing here!?" "I was investigating a somewhat large cosmic shift beneath Canterlot. Who know this world existed... and somehow... it seems Familiar." "The Moon in the Dark." "...What?" "Read it! Along with you people! Go and support Tats and tell 'im Deadpool sent ya! Oh, and we got a mirror problem." "Mirror problem?" "Yeah, ourselves from the mirror-verse is here." "...Our evil selves?" "Hm... maybe to you, but I'm not so sure about myself, but we gotta find a mirror while they-" Deadpool froze as Loud moaning was heard. DAMN!!! THEY'RE GETTING IT ON!!! Now would be a good time to run before this turns into a Mature Fic. Unfortunately, they were meet by the somewhat familiar figure that no one cared about. "I am Kul'as!" He shouted "And I am here to-!" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." Deadpool said, walking by him. "...You're not serious? I'm the great-" "Yeah, see, that's the problem: You're an unknown character that claims to be great, but if any of the readers remembered, I kicked your ass offscreen while the Author made a serious of fake commercials. Do you REALLY want that to happen again?" "...YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!!!" "Not on my watch!" Luna Spoke. "Alright! Teamwork!" Deadpool spoke. Kul'as charged, but was followed by Deadpool and Luna. They both ran to each other and- Kul'as was defeated. "See?" Deadpool spoke "We did the same joke, but we have ACTUAL videos this time!" "What is... thouest... talking about?" Luna asked, breathing hard. "Oh, nothing. Now, for my reward." He took the bottom part of his mask off and perked his lips into a kissing formation. Luna stared for a moment, then walked away. "Only in thy dreams." "OKAY!!! Tonight!?" Luna groaned, but stopped as she saw her mirror self and Deadpool... who was putting his belt back on. "Sorry about that." Mirror-Pool said. "Luna and I were just making a baby." Luna stared. "You... you both-!?" "What's wrong?" Mirror Luna asked "Never thought that I'd have myself a wonderful husband?" "HUSBAND!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled. "Yeah," Mirrorpool replied, showing his right hand with a ring on the ring ring finger. "When we first meet, love sparked around us. Since then, we've been having fun as the most evil being in Equestria." "Oh great! My mirror self has become a 1 dimensional villain that wants to do evil!" "Hey! I'm not evil! I allowed Francis and the Fant4stic to live." "YOU B*****D!!!" Kul'as appeared next to the mirror selves. "Go!" He ordered "Kill your weak selves!" "Weak!? We ain't weak! We kicked your ass!" "Ooh!" Mirror pool said "They did!? You're weak as hell!" "I'm not weak!" The beast yelled "I am the great-!" "Blah-blah-blah." Both pools said in unison. "Get yourself your own movie, then we'll talk!" Both turned to each other. "Did we just say the same thing!? We did!!!" Both Lunas stared at each other. "...Do you think they're going to have gay sex?" Mirror Luna asked. "What is... sex?" Luna asked. Kul'as facepalmed himself. "Looks like it's time for Plan B." He muttered to himself. He opened a portal and went into it. "Where did he go!?" "Eh, he's going back in time to kill us all." Mirror Luna answered. "...We must stop him!" "Eh, we did." Deadpool said "If he were to kill us, then we'd be gone." "But since he's such a pussy," Mirrorpool added "it's not that hard." "But how did we go back in time?" A ball of Electicity came and blasted them all away. Out came was a full grown Flurry Heart... with the face of Arnold Schwarzenegger. "WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?" "Deadpool!" She spoke with the voice of Arnie. "I require your assistance! We need to travel back to prevent-!" "Gotcha." Deadpool spoke, hopping onto her back. "Hi-Ho! Deadpool away!" They disappeared. All froze and blinked. "...Truce?" Mirror Luna asked "Truce. ... I need a shower." Deadpool and Arnold-Heart landed in the crystal Empire. "Cool! A young sombra!" Deadpool spoke, picking up a filly Sombra. "Hey, want a crystal?" He pulled a crystal out of nowhere. "...Crystalssss..." The Sombra colt said in his adult voice. "Stop messing the time-space continuity!" His companion spoke "We need to-" "Ooh! Grogar!" Deadpool spoke, pointing at a goat. He pulled out a sniper and fired at it, leaving a bloody hole in it's skull. "DEADPOOL!!!" "UMBRA QUEEN!!!" He punched a female Sombra, knocking her out easily... who exploded and attached itself to the young Sombra. "DEADPOOL!!!" "Ooh!" He picked up a pink Crystal pony filly with a blue mane. "Hey, Radiant hope. How you doing?" "Uh... who are you?" she asked "I am your father!" "...what?" "There's the b***h!" Deadpool teleported away with Radiant Hope and stood in front of Kul'as. "You followed me here!?" He demanded "You will-!" "TYPE 3 DIABEETUS!!!" Deadpool lifted Radiant Hope to Kul'as. He stared. "...What's that gonna-?" "Daddy?" she asked. "HHNNNG!!!" He died from a heart attack. Deadpool arrived back to the Canterlot castle, holding the decapitated head of the Kul'as guy, but peeked as he saw Luna. ooh! She's naked! They're all naked. But she doesn't have her jewelry on! Fine... I guess we can call that naked. "...Hey guys?" He asked his voices "You know what's weird?" What? "All this time... I didn't love myself." We do love ourselves! He means the other one. Wait... you mean... we haven't-? Yes. "And just seeing Luna walk in... really naked... I'm... oh god!" Use your brain! We'll use both! "F**K IT!!!" Deadpool ripped his clothing off, but to keep this teen, there's a cenor bar around his lower area, though his butt was shown. "Time to rock our bodies!" Deadpool ran through the hallway, scarring all the guards and staff members mentally. Deadpool found Luna in the shower... singing? She knows the Backstreet Boys!? Crap. Now we're turned on. Deadpool literally slid in, scaring Luna. "What the-!?" she yelled "Deadpool!? You're... naked!!!" "So are you!" he replied "And I must say, your singing's wonderful!" She blushed. "Uh... it's... it's just a hobby!" She turned the shower off and threw herself and Deadpool a towel. "Please! Put on some clothes! I... I can't stop looking at..." she shuddered. "What? I'm not embarrased. 'Sides, it's not like you wear clothing yourself." "I do, but Equestria's form of clothing is much different than yours. And I prefer that you wear your suit." She walked into her room, but saw Deadpool lying on her bed with a bathrobe on. "Come on, Princess. You know you love me." "...What?" "Our Mirror selves! They're married!" "...So? If they're married, it's their choice, not ours." "Maybe. But, tell me, why aren't we in love? Didn't you fell in love before?" She froze, but let out a deep breath. "Deadpool... I am a princess, I have duties to perform, subjects to help, and this country would be lost if my sister hadn't lead it when I was banished. I can't 'find love' because I'm busy. Now leave and perform your... juvenile actions." Deadpool stared. "Juvenile? Is that what you think of me? As some kid!?" "You act like a child, Wade. Now leave." "Oh no! I'm no child, Missy! I'm a full grown adult! In fact, do you know what I am!? I'm a goddamn psychopath and mercenary!!!" Luna turned with anger in her eyes. "You think I don't know that!? You've killed some of our residents, and if not, you've psychologically damaged them with your actions!!!" "I don't damage people! I make them laugh!!!" "Does your definition of laughter involve subjects to go to the psychiatry ward for help!? You are the most annoying, destructive, and immature being I have meet! I'd rather be with Discord than with you!!!" Deadpool gasped. "...Oh yeah! Well... you're... you're just an OVER RATED PRINCESS!!!" "WHAT!?!?!?" "YOU'RE OVER RATED!!! 'Oh! People are ignoring me!!! I'm gonna use dark magic to get their attention!'" "Stop it." "'Oh no! I've been Nightmare moon for about 10 minutes! I've been banished to the moon! I'll get my revenge soon!'" "Stop it!!!" "'Oh! I feel so much guilt for causing a 2 hour stop in time! I gotta punish myself by making a Tantibus because I can't forgive myself for doing something that was small and forgotten by most ponies!'" "STOP IT!!!" "'And you're immature, Deadpool! I've ignored your backstory about how you have cancer and are hiding your face to be accepted by society! I don't think you're my type! I want to be alone so I can get to work and-'" Luna plunged herself at Wade and delivered a right hook across his face, knocking his mask off. "SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!!" She teared up. "Oh, did I do that? Did I struck a nerve, Mooncheeks?" Luna growled at him, snarling at him, and lunged at him. She grabbed him by the back of his head and delivered a passionate kiss. Deadpool grabbed her and delivered a passionate kiss himself. "I... hate you... so much!" "Well I love ya!" Deadpool stood up and both landed on her bed. Luna rested on her back. "Go on! Do it! Do it you f***ing moron!" Deadpool panted heavily as he took his robe off "That's more like it!" Deadpool lunged himself to Luna, and they both- Both Luna and Deadpool laid next to each other in bed, covered by the blanket. Sweat ran down from their foreheads, both had a smile, breathed heavily, and the room was now a mess, littered with... NSFW things... unless you work there. "...Deadpool." Luna spoke. "...Yeah?" Deadpool replied "You... made me... the happiest mare... alive!" "Heh, I'm glad I did!" "Now... I see why... they call you... a stallion." "Yeah." "...Well... think we should... make a room... for the baby?" "Pfft! Nah. I'm sterile." "Oh... thank goodness." Both laid down silently. "...Wanna go another round?" "F**k yeah!" "Awesome!" Unbeknownst to them, their moans were heard around the castle. Many of the staff members blushed as they heard their princess and Deadpool moan loudly, the guards around were tempted to look, and possibly peek, on what was happening, and Celestia... Celestia sat on the throne, blanked out. "... Sister," she said to no one "... I pity and envy you." Author's Note ... I can't believe I made this. I apologize... dearly.
Not as Gay as Twilight: Steven MagnetDeadpool sailed across the Equestrian Sea on a yacht that he 'borrowed' from the chairman of the board of Warner Bros. As much as he wanted to stay with the Warner Brothers, and the Warner Sister, he had to continue his adventures in Equestria. And we want the attention! W***e. Of Course, being Deadpool, the Taco squad was with his, along with their newest member, Surprise. Deadpool and Discord wore navy uniforms, but Sonata was dressed like a biker, Pinkie was a Native American/Indian, Flufflepuff wore a Fix-it-Felix outfit, and Surprise was a cowboy. Wait a minute... is this-? It is. HIT IT!!! In the Navy by the Village people played as they repeated everything in the music video. Deadpool blew into a whistle as everyone else followed, clapping together. ♫Where can you find pleasure Search the world for treasure Learn science technology? Where can you begin to make your dreams all come true On the land or on the sea? Where can you learn to fly Play in sports and skin dive Study oceanography? Sign up for the big band Or sit in the grandstand When your team and others meet?♫ ♫In the navy! Yes, you can sail the seven seas! In the navy! Yes, you can put your mind at ease! In the navy! Come on now, people, make a stand! In the navy, in the navy! Can't you see we need a hand!? In the navy! Come on, protect the mother land! In the navy! Come on and join your fellow man! In the navy! Come on people, and make a stand! In the navy, in the navy, in the navy (in the navy)♫ ♫They want you, they want you They want you as a new recruit!♫ ♫If you like adventure Don't you wait to enter The recruiting office fast! Don't you hesitate There is no need to wait They're signing up new seamen fast! Maybe you are too young To join up today Bout don't you worry 'bout a thing! For I'm sure there will be Always a good navy Protecting the land and sea!♫ ♫In the navy! Yes, you can sail the seven seas! In the navy! Yes, you can put your mind at ease! In the navy! Come on now, people, make a stand! In the navy, in the navy! Can't you see we need a hand!? In the navy! Come on, protect the mother land! In the navy! Come on and join your fellow man! In the navy! Come on people, and make a stand! In the navy, in the navy, in the navy (in the navy)♫ ♫They want you, they want you They want you as a new recruit♫ Who me? ♫They want you, they want you They want you as a new recruit♫ But... but... but... I'm afraid of water. Hey, hey look Man, I get seasick even watchin' it on the TV! ♫They want you, they want you in the navy♫ Oh my goodness. What am I gonna do in a submarine? ♫They want you, they want you in the navy♫ ♫In the navy! Yes, you can sail the seven seas! In the navy! Yes, you can put your mind at ease! In the navy! Come on now, people, make a stand! In the navy, in the navy! Can't you see we need a hand!? In the navy! Come on, protect the mother land! In the navy! Come on and join your fellow man! In the navy! Come on people, and make a stand! In the navy, in the navy, in the navy (in the navy)♫ "...That was fun!" Surprise spoke "Is this what you guys do all day!?" "Eh, pretty much." Deadpool said. "Though I'm sure you guys do... whatever it is you do when I'm not around." "PARTIES!!!" Pinkie cheered. "Chaos!" Discord said, twiddling his claws together "Tacos!" Sonata said, her mouth stuffed with Tacos. "PTHHTHTPHTTHTHTHPP!!!" Fluffle Puff said while... dressed up as a Nazi? "Really!?" Deadpool asked "And what makes you believe that the Wolfenstiein won't appear and kill him again?" The boat shook violently. "ICEBERG!!!" Pinkie yelled "ABANDON SHIP!!!" Discord teleported away, Fluffle puff & Sonata jumped into the ocean, though Fluffle Puff turned into a raft as Sonata turned into her seahorse form, Pinkie used her balloons, and Suprise flew off. "YOU COWARDS!!!" The water erupted as a giant figure overshadowed Deadpool. Deadpool turned and dropped a brick... literally, he dropped a brick. Why were you carrying a brick near your ass, Deadpool? "For this visual gag." Deadpool turned to the monster and pulled out his sword. "Alright, monster! I've watched enough sea movies to know how to take you down! Now flee, or else-!" "Oh my gosh!" The monster spoke in an all too familiar voice "Are you Deadpool? Cranky told me about you and I have been DYING to meet you!" "...Steven Magnet?" "Oh my gosh! You know me!?" The monster lowered itself, revealing it's large, purple head with orange hair & mustache. "I'm very flattered that you know me, Mr. Deadpool! How do you know me?" "Well... Youtube's captions weren't great, so it said that your name is Steven Magnet, and it was confirmed during Cranky and Matilda's wedding. And please," He pulled out his own Fabio Lanzoni-ish wig and put it on. "I too am a man of fashion!" "Ooh! A fabulous person like me!? You must get around a lot." "I do, my fabulous Sea Serpent." Steven blushed and waved at him. "Stop it! You're just as fabulous as me!" "We're both fabulous." "How fabulous are we?" "Hm... ANOTHER SONG!!!" WHAT THE-!?!?!? Only 1 song per chapter, Dead- How's it going bros? My name is Pooliepie. Hello? Is anyone in there? Hello? Is anyone in there? Oooo! Snoop dawg! Hello? Is anyone in there? Hello? Is anyone in there? Oooo! Snoop dawg! Oh you! Oh you! Oh you! Oh you! Oh you! Oh. ♫He's so fa-fa- fabulous. ♫ Likes to dress up. ♫Fa-fa- fabulous. ♫ Wearing make up. ♫So fa-fa- fabulous. ♫ What a get up! Like a pinup. Shaking that butt. Where you going man? Where you going man? Please tell me. I am really curious. (Pooliepie, Pooliepie.) Where you going man? Where you going man. Please tell me. I am really curious. He's a wizard! ♫He's so fa-fa- fabulous. ♫ Likes to dress up. ♫Fa-fa- fabulous. ♫ Wearing make up. ♫So fa-fa- fabulous. ♫ What a get up! Like a pinup. Shaking that butt. ♫So fa-fa - fabulous. ♫ As a mermaid. ♫fa-fa - fabulous.♫ Or a hot babe. ♫fa-fa - fabulous. ♫ What a get up! Like a pinup. Shaking that butt. (Pooliepie, Pooliepie.) I think me and my Mooncheeks are perfect together. (Pooliepie, Pooliepie.) And I love her. Oh hey girl, girl. Can I sit next to you. I love benches. I love benches. Hue ha ha hue! Hue ha ha hue! Hue ha ha! Hue ha ha! Hue ha ha! I'm so fabulous! ♫He's so fa-fa- fabulous. ♫ Likes to dress up. ♫Fa-fa- fabulous. ♫ Wearing make up. ♫So fa-fa- fabulous. ♫ What a get up! Like a pinup. Shaking that butt. ♫So fa-fa - fabulous. ♫ As a mermaid. ♫fa-fa - fabulous.♫ Or a hot babe. ♫fa-fa - fabulous. ♫ What a get up! Like a pinup. Shaking that butt. After... that. Both Deadpool and Steven came out of the spa, looking as... well... you know. "I must say," Steven spoke, slithering across the floor "you have to be one of the most flamboyant things I've meet since myself!" "Ah, thank you kindly, sir." Deadpool replied "Taco?" "No thanks, I'm staying Gluten free." "...Get the F**k out of my face then." "Hmph! At least some of us are trying to be healthy." Steven slithered away to a nearbylake. "Pfft. White people." Author's Note
Tunak Tunak Tun Pony # 170-172: Zesty Gourmand, Coriander Cumin, and Saffron MasalaOn a cold, frigid, summer night, a horny as hell Deadpool tried to earn enough money to buy birthday presents for the love of his life, Princess Luna, by selling chimichangas on a street corner. "Changas!" Deadpool cheered "Get your chimichangas! Fresh, red or green sauced changas!" But nopony bought any chimichangas. If only they knew they were delicious meals on the go and didn't need a three hoof rating to intreague the masses. But then again, this is Equeatria, a place where intelligence seems to either be Einstein meets Archimedes, or Michael Bay & Uwe Boll's love child. "Ch-changas... red or green sauced... changas..." Oh, this is bad! Indeed. We haven't even sold one yet. Deadpool shivered. "It's so cold... freezing!" He chattered "But we need something for Luna or else no sexy times! What are we gonna do!?" "Hurry up!" A mare shouted. "Zest'y party is about to start!" "What's the rush?" A stallion replied, following said mare "They're probably just serving the same bad food as last year." "...Lightbulb!" Deadpool proclaimed. In the canterlot ballroom, the place is decorated to the highest of standards. Mares & stallions all wore fancy dresses & suits, leizuring around, talking about the... stocks, I think? I don't know, I'm not a fancy guy! Anyways, Deadpool easily drugged the security & threw them all in a pile that was ingeniously disguised as a pyramid. He took the microphone away from the official announcer (who was tied up & gagged in the back) and stood behind the curtains. "We've got some great food for you this year, folks." Deadpool spoke. Some cheering was heard, along with the spitting of the already served food. "Chimichangas!" "CHIMICHANGAS!?!?!?" Everyone inside asked in shock. The curtain opened, and Deadpool stood in the middle, twirling two of the deep fried burritos in his hands. "That's right! Yum-Yummy Chimichangas!!!" A mare fainting was heard in the crowd. "...How... uncultured." Zesty Gourmand, the unicorn the brony fandom now seemed to hate more, spoke in the crowd. Deadpool snapped and charged at the crowd. "CHIMICHANGAS!!!" He shouted in anger. All the ponies screamed and ran away from him as he threw the chimichangas at them. "HERE!!! EAT!!! EAT A CHANGA!!!" He had Zest in a corner, holding a changa at her face. She was frightened, but he had a creepy, nearly-there evil smile across his face. "Mmmm? It's quite delicious." He snickered evily. "Who's this brute!?" Deadpool was ready to 'smite' the critic with a changa, but was tackled by Shining Armor. "Ok!!!" The stallion yelled, holding Deadpool down. "Let's see your invitation!" Deadpool threw him off. "I'M THE CATERER!!!" Deadpool yelled "And Chimichangas are on the menu! PLEASE!!! You've all got to take a chimichanga!!! Just try! A little bite... please!? I swear they're delicious! CHIMICHANGAS!!!" He fell to the floor, huddled up. "...♫Hello Darkness, my old friend... ♫" "So uncultured." Zesty interupted, walking away with a 'humph!'. Deadpool watched her go away. ...You want her address? "Do it." Shall we get the suit? "Oh yeah." Zesty suddenly woke up from... something. Last thing she remembered, she was walking to her house, followed by her falling unconscious as something hit her in the back of her head. She was tied up at the moment, and blindfolded. "Oh great, some brute has taken me hostage." She groaned to herself. "Look, if you want money, I can give you whatever you want. This isn't my first time being taken away, and this won't be my last." "...That's very unexpecting. I thought you'd be like 'Oh no! I'm kidnapped! Help me! Someone! Help!'" "You really think I'm like that? I am a critic, not a damsel in distress." "A very s****y critic, might I add." "...Who is this?" Her blindfold was taken off. "Ta-Da!!!" Deadpool spoke "It's my X-Force costume! I use it for assassinations to save the world, and, in this case, interrogations and pure torture!!!" "...Like you can do anything to torture me, welp." Zesty replied. Deadpool's face closed in to her, their eyes nearly touching each other. "Oh, I have my ways, Ms. Critic! I have my ways... Chimichanga?" "Bah!" "...CHIMICHANGA!!!" He pulled out some hair clippers, a tattoo needle, and a piercer. "And to the people at home... just imagine this b***h as Lazlow! Let's make you purty!!!" The father-daughter duo, Coriander Cumin, and Saffron Masala, worked at their restaurant, but stopped as they heard something banging outside. The two stepped outside to see some construction workers setting up a sign outside. It was a three hoof sign. "...What!?" The the two asked in shock. Deadpool appeared next to the two. "You can thank me for that." He spoke, then pulled out some photos. "And some of these!" The photos was Zest, now with multiple piercings, various man parts, and, overall, she no longer had a mane... nor any coat. She was completely naked. Deadpool teleported inside, now with a turban (though it was really a towel) and a fake beard on. He spoke with a really bad Indian accent while shaking his head like a bobble head. "I will respect your culture by speaking in an Indian accent and shaking my head like a bobble head." MrAquino just said that. And That's racist! DING!!! "Heh, will, just like Bollywood, I guess it's time for a musical! We just don't have frightening CGI characters, but we can get the music! Hit it!" Another song played The two, and the other customers, joined. ♫Gimme gimme gimme gimme♫ ♫Gimme gimme gimme gimme♫ ♫Chilli Chilli Chilli Chilli♫ ♫Chilli chilli chilli chilli♫ ♫Likcki licki licki licki♫ ♫Likcki licki licki licki♫ ♫Chick chick chick chickey♫ ♫Chick chick chick chickey♫ ♫I'm so hungry, in Bombay I need some good food from Bollywood my racha food is very good but the Indian cook miss understood♫ ♫It burns burns burns!!! Indian curry is so ho.o.ot It burns burns burns!!! burns like fire oh my go.o.od It burns burns burns!!! I drink and drink but it wont sto.o.op It burns burns burns!!! in my mouth and tomorrow in my butt.♫ ♫Gimme gimme gimme gimme♫ ♫Gimme gimme gimme gimme♫ ♫Chilli Chilli Chilli Chilli♫ ♫Chilli chilli chilli chilli♫ ♫Likcki licki licki licki♫ ♫Likcki licki licki licki♫ ♫Chick chick chick chickey♫ ♫Chick chick chick chickey♫ ♫On the next day of my holiday it was so gory on my lavatory Ca Guta food is not so good, its not made for the tourist group♫ ♫It burns burns burns!!! Indian curry is so ho.o.ot It burns burns burns!!! burns like fire oh my go.o.od It burns burns burns!!! I drink and drink but it wont sto.o.op It burns burns burns!!! in my mouth and tomorrow in my butt.♫ ♫It burns burns burns!!! (it burns burns burns) In my mouth and tomorrow in my butt It burns burns burns!!! Indian curry is so ho.o.ot It burns burns burns!!! burns like fire oh my go.o.od It burns burns burns!!! I drink and drink but it wont sto.o.op It burns burns burns!!! in my mouth and tomorrow in my butt.♫ A growl in Deadpool's stomach was heard. "...The bathroom's over there." Coriander spoke, pointing ahead. Deadpool, without speaking, ran to the bathroom. The rest is history. Author's Note
A Thanksgiving SpecialAhem, An uppity Welcome, and distinguished Hello to you all. Today, I will be retelling one of MrAquino's early, and I do mean, EARLY originals stories from his childhood: The Ocelot & The Porridge maiden The f**k's a porridge maiden? Once there was a HPorridge Maiden who lived in a meadowlark Lemon's duffel bag from the 70's. I Hate MOne days, she caught Thought an ocelot for to "sup" Jim Davis' Lawyers. "RobGood Morrow to you" Said the Ocelot "You must find a husband by sunrise or doom will come to you 2 Bad Guys will come out of my ears!" She went to see the Butcher Statue of Liberty's Deadbeat cousin. "Will you Marry me?" She asked "I am married to the meats. A huddled Mass" He said Next, she went to see the Optic Blasted SmithyBot. "Will you Marry me?VOIP" she asked Voiped "I am married to the steel.Save Yourself Little Beep Boop!" He said Then, she went to seetucked in the Lum Swooper. "Will you marry me please stop sleeping with that lamp?" She asked "It's okay, I am married to the chimneys. it" He said She even went to see the knave.reepo Deepot "Will you marry me?" She asked low poly-count porridge maiden "I am married to the chichanery.onette" He said slimed When she could not find a husband, the Porridge Maiden sat on by a Punk-rock giant to watch the rising sun Wicked solos. At dawn, the ocelot found her Hdead and pmourned her passing.a drink "Now, she is married to death. One for my pah'tnuh" said the ocelot. In the underworld, she gave death a thousand children and cooked his meals refused to be defined by her famous husband and started a successful business knitting lifehacks out of recycled blogs And that is why baked ocelot is always served in weddings. The end Everypony stared at Deadpool awkwardly as he finished my totally legit original story, wearing a pilgrim outfit. "I don't really have anything about changing that one." He spoke "Except I'd make it... broached ocelot... let's eat!" He pulled out a cooked ocelot and one of his swords. "This is f**ked up!" Luna spoke, standing up and leaving. Everypony else followed, throwing away either their own pilgrim or native american hats. Deadpool blinked. We should've told them it was cake. We should have. "Another ruined Thanksgiving." Deadpool sighed... then pulled out a pistol and cocked it. "Come on! Let's go Black Friday shopping!" HYPOCRISY!!!
🅱oneless. EQG: Juniper Montage.Druh, deada** hungry right now. Are we really doing this? Deadpool pulled out his cellphone and called a special number. All around him was joints of weed everywhere, fidget spinners that became fans, and mails going to Watchmojo.Com, telling them to make the Top 10 sexiest Emojis when the Emoji movie comes out. In a pizza joint, Juniper Montage stood behind the counter, waiting for the next customer to enter or call for their order. The phone rang and she picked it up. "Hello, Pizza Bill's, what would you like?" She asked. "Lemme get uhhhhhhhhh... 🅱ONELESS PIZZA wit a two liter of coke." Deadpool answered with the sudden ear r**e. "... Um... what kind of pizza?" Juniper rubbed her ear out. "And we're sorry, but the 2 liter machine is broke, all we have is a 1 liter, if that helps." "F**k you mean, 🅱?... ight, look, lemme get that pizza 🅱ONELESS." "Uh? Pizza doesn't have bone in it." "The f**k did I just say then?" "You said 'Lemme get it 🅱oneless', like if pizza has a bone in it." "Ya'll got bones in this s**t then." "No!" "So what the problem?" "Sir, please, name one pizza that has bone on it." "Just don't put them s**ts in my pizza bruh! How many times I gotta say it?" "Sir, just explain to me how a pizza can be boneless?" "If it don't got bone in it, iss 🅱oneless." "Sir, what school did you go to?" "Dawg, I don't understand the problem. Just make my s**t 🅱ONELESS! DEADA**!!!" The phone was hung up. ... Why do we have so many 🅱s? It's the highest form of comedy that many movies they could reach but can't, because incorporating internet memes into a movie is a guaranteed way to make your movie flop with both critics and fans booing at you... just like the Emoji movie. "Alright, fine! We'll go back to waiting for Watchmojo to upload the Top 10 Sexiest Emojis... and when that happens, Watchmojo can finally die and we'll deal with the other YouTube channels that make nothing but Top 10 videos." Author's Note I actually suggested the Honest Trailer Guy to read it in this honest trailer. Speaking of Spider-Man, I saw homecoming. Much better than I thought it was going to be. The 2nd trailer really did seem to spoil most of the movie.
Big Bang PTSD memories. Pony #231: MudbriarOn the weekend, Deadpool made his way across Ponyville, acting as a ninja. His target was to take out some stallion that another waifu in the pony fandom. Taking a picture out, he saw that it was a stallion with a hairstyle that's similar to Mandark from Dexter's laboratory. He was more than ready. Knives, silencers, grenades, this stallion was going down. The merc hid in the bush and saw his target with Maud, both chuckling. Deadpool took the silencer out and took a step forward. Ripple He paused as he stepped on some bubble wrap. They didn't notice. He took another step. HONK A bell horn. They were too busy. Another step. YIPE!!! Winona got up and ran away. They still didn't notice him. Another step. After you clicked on the video and endured the idiotic soundcloud rapper that's making millions for looking like an idiot, they still haven't noticed. Deadpool took a final step, ready to take out his target. SNAP!!! A twig snapped. Mudbriar turned to Deadpool with both of his eyes glowing like it's an anime. Standing on his hind legs, Mudbriar released a flurry of punches to Deadpool's chest and face, ending it with a devastating right hook. "Omae wa mou shindeiru." Mudbriar simply spoke. "NANI?!?!" Deadpool asked, right before exploding. Mudbriar picked up the stick and cuddled it with manly tears. "You're still a sweetheart through and through." Maud spoke. "Why can't anypony realize Stick abuse is a real thing?" Author's Note I couldn't think of anything for Mudbriar, to be honest. So there ya go. More will come.
New X-Force Members and students. Ponies #245 and 246: Dusty Pages and First FolioDeadpool and Gallus sat inside Deadpool's house, only mildly cleaned up to make way for the new students that would be joining the X-Force. With Deadpool, he nailed down to actual communities, since he's pretty sure characters like Discord, Iron Will, and Tirek were all on their own with no real place to call home. A bit harsh, but then again, will the show actually bring in the rest of these kindgoms at the last season? Most likely not. But anyways, Deadpool had his small list of students that he wanted to join since last season, but couldn't for various reasons. That didn't stop him from finding his own students, though. Standing in front of the two, separated by their table, was a bipedal cat that was mostly grey with black striped and a white underbelly. She wore a simple blue dress over her body, and looked to be about Deadpool's size. "Alright, your name, please?" Deadpool asked. "I'm Selina." The cat answered in a rather sultry voice. "Gotcha. And care to tell a little about yourself? Like, where came from, so the readers can understand more?" "I'm from Klugetown. My uncle is Capper, the cat that helped saved Equestria from the Storm King. And I've got what you expect from a cat; able to climb higher places, can use my claws to fight, very athletic." "And are distracted by shiny objects?" "Rarely." "I doubt it." He threw a bit. "Go get it!" "Ooh! A bit!" Gallus yelled, jumping over and getting the bit." A diamond dog stood with brown fur and patches of black on his face and paws. He wore a simple blue vest and looked around, very paranoid, looking as if he was in trouble. "My name Roscoe, yes." He spoke in a skittish voice. "Diamond dog, yes. Very good, very good, yes." Gallus gave a very concerned look. "He seems awfully sketchy." The griffin commented. "Yes, but just like Selina, Rosco here is based off of the author's old dog, who was awfully skittish." Deadpool replied back before turning to Roscoe. "Oh hey, Roscoe! Do you eat s**t?" "No! Yes." Roscoe replied. "... You're in." A stool was in the room, and, with a series of magnifying glasses, a lone breezie stood on the stool, looking quite small. He had a poofy red head, though was white all over. An equally small microphone was next to him, allowing the breezie to speak into. "Is this thing on?" He asked, poking at the mic. "Yes, we can hear you." Deadpool replied. "Ah. Hi, I'm Lightbreeze, a fellow breezie. I may not be huge, but I do wanna make a big impact!" "... You sure about this?" Gallus asked. "He's awfully small. I wouldn't be surprised if some creature tried to eat him." "And how many times have I taught you to not talk about Vore around MrAquino?" Deadpool asked back. "I can hear you two!" Lightbreeze spoke. "Sorry about that. You're in." A Kirin with red fur, black mane, and white scales stood in front of the two. "Summer Flare." She stated bluntly. "I'm a kirin. If I get angry enough, I'll turn into a nirik." "... I have nothing else to say. You're in." Deadpool replied. Strongheart stood in front of the two. "Oh hey! I haven't seen you since Season 1!" Deadpool spoke. "You know this gal?" Gallus asked. "Not personally, just remember her from the episode Over a Barrel." "And I've grown up much more!" The buffalo spoke up. Deadpool looked at her. "You look the same." "You'll see soon enough. All the new X-force students lined up, having been altered now with the same machine that caused the student 6 to turn into anthropomorphic ~~nightmares~~ heroes. Selina was the tallest and slender of the group, though still shorter than Silverstream, with her outfit having an added hoodie to it. Roscoe had metalic blades on his new anthro form, and he wasn't walking around like a gorilla anymore. Lightbreeze was now the size of a standard action figure, making her the shortest out of anyone in the X-Force. Summer Flare stood with a katana strapped to her back, with her scales popping out of the armor a bit more. Finally, Stongheart was, if not for Lightbreeze, the shortest out of all of the X-Force, having a bow and quiver on her back. "Atten-hut!" Deadpool spoke, wearing his X-Force costume. "I want a stone cold, righteous attention!" He walked to each of the students in the attention as mentioned before. "Your chin is down! Your chest out! Your gut in! Your face mean! Cause you're rough, tough, fightin' machines!!!" "SHH!!!" Everyone spoke. As it turned out, they were all in Canterlot's library. "Hmph. Nobody appreciates G.I.Joe anymore." "Uh, sir?" Selina spoke in a hushed tone. "But why are we in Canterlot's library?" "Good question!" "Shh!" The various ponies inside shushed. Deadpool huffed as he sat down, holding a book up, though signaled everyone to join. His new students leaned in, though Lightbreeze was able to sit inside the huddle. "Alright, this is more or less the best way for me to see if you have what it takes to become future X-force members. You've got a mission on hand right now that needs to be done ASAP." "Ooh! Mission, yes." Roscoe spoke. "What do we do? Yes." "... Ok, for starters, stop saying 'yes' at the end of your sentences, or else I'll cut you out of this team. But for you all, we've got a situation. Dusty Pages, the old librarian that used to work here," he pulled out a photo of an elderly looking librarian pony "and, if my sources are correct, she's been targeted by this pony," he pulled out another photo mare. "First Folio." "So we gotta take her out?" Summer Flare asked. "What!? No! Investigate. See why she wants to do it. As for me, I will keep Dusty Pages occupied. Keep her safe, ya dig?" "I dig!" Roscoe panted. "Not literal dig." "That'll be easy." Strongheart said. "Oh I hope so. If it's true, report to me." "Yes, sir!" The X-Force members replied in unison, right before being shushed by everypony else. 3 Weeks Later... In a retirement home, the new X-Force kicked the door down, still as their anthro selves, frustrated looking. On stage was a group of retired ponies, very old looking, and Deadpool was with them, shredding on the guitar alongside Dusty Pages. "Deadpool!" Selina yelled "You left us for this!? Playing music with older ponies!?" "What?" Deadpool asked, still playing music. "They need someone young and strong to look after them." "You left us alone for 3 weeks!!!" Summer Flare yelled, right on the verge of turning into a Nirik. "3 Weeks wasted of our lives to watch over some pony that only charges ponies for late fees!!!" "Did you rent a book to get that late fee payment to get close to her?" "Yes!" Roscoe added. "And she had no plans to attack her?" "Who are they talking about?" Dusty Pages asked, finally setting her guitar down to listen. "Eh, it's nothing. But my plan worked." "Plan?" Lightbreeze asked. "What plan?" "Oh, I had some help to make a certain activity into a fun training session." "...What?" "Students... a Squishy food foodfight tournament!!!" All the students stared with unamused looks. "What?" "Alright, let's get him." Strongheart spoke before whistling. A lout screeching was heard, right before a falcon flew right into Deadpool's face and used it's talons to scratch his face off. "AHH!!! FALCON!!! FALCON!!!" "Get him!!!" Summer Flare yelled, turning into a nirik and charging at Deadpool, impaling him with her sword before slicing upward, slicing his chest and head. Rocoe dug underground, ripping a hold in the floor, but dragged Deadpool's legs down, but ripped them off, leaving him legless. Selina used both of her claws to scratch out Deadpool's eyes, rendering him blind. As for Lightbreeze, she simply flew into Deadpool's brain and ripped out his medulla oblongata. FATALITY!!! A lone door fell down as Gallus stood behind the door, seeing the carnage. "Yep, you're all definitely X-Force material." He wrote down on a notepad. "See you soon!" He walked right out and flew away. All the elderly ponies stood in complete shock at the brutal way they killed Deadpool... and nearly had a heart attack seeing the sack that was Deadpool regenerate rapidly, completely naked, and as hideous as ever. "Well, on the plus side, they're all old, so Mistress Death won't be waiting for long." Author's Note Saw Endgame Last Night... Go and see it. Oh, and yeah, these new students will be featured a lot along with the rest of the Student 6. And no, I haven't played the new Mortal Kombat, only saw the fatalities.
So Happy Together. Ponies #253-261: Petunia Petals, Sunny Skies, Torque Wrench, Pickle & Barley Barrel, Kerfuffle, Mr & Mrs. Hoofington, and Moody Root.Deadpool, Gallus, Silverstream, Ocellus, Sandbar, Yona, Smolder, Selina, Roscoe, Lightbreeze, Summer Flare, and Strongheart all stood together in unison with a rather annoyed look. The place they arrived at, Hope Hollow, was nothing like they were promised. Just about everything in the town, even it's students, were lacking in color, looking more gray than being quite colorful. Standing in front of them was a stallion unicorn that wore a bow tie, looking quite formal and important looking, who had a nervous smile across his face. "Um... I uh... might've over exaggerated a few things." He spoke in a Minnesotan accent. "That's an understatement." Selina commented. "Less color that home, yes." Roscoe added. "This is a straight up lie!" Lightbreeze shouted. "No Breezie would collect pollen from here!" "Yona want to smash little pony!" Yona ended. The stallion backed up. "W-wait! Let me explain!" He begged. "...Students." Deadpool spoke, stopping his students in place. "Please, explain to us, Mayor Sunny Skies." "Um... well... A long time ago, when my Grandpa Skies was mayor, Hope Hollow was different. They used to call this town "The End of the Rainbow", 'cause everything you'd ever want, you could find right here. Next door neighbors chatting over-" Deadpool covered his mouth with his hand. "Ok! No need to sing! Especially since you don't have a great singing voice." Sunny Skies pulled Deadpool's hand off his mouth. "So you'll help?" "Of course! You just need some color and fun. And that's what we know what to do." He turned to the X-Force. "Gallus and Silverstream, find us some entertainment!" Both birds saluted, though Silverstream was more enthusiastic. "Sandbar, Yona, and Lightbreeze, go the handicap pony over there and help her make clothes." He pointed to a pegasus mare that wore a pho fur coat and also had a prosthetic leg at her hind left area. "Smolder, Summer Flare, Selina, Rosco, go to the baking are and prepare some sweets." All four quickly put on a baker's hat with aprons. "The rest... come with me. We've gotta get some necessary tools." "Oh boy! I bet Torque Wrench can help you with that!" Sunny Skies cheered. "I'll lead you to her." He began to walk away. Deadpool turned to his students. "Break!" Everyone ran off to do their own thing. Gallus and Silverstream looked around for anything that looked remotely entertaining. "So..." Gallus began. "We've been together for a while now, and I was thinking that we would... well..." "Ooh! I think I found something!" Silverstream interrupted, flying ahead. Gallus sighed as they landed nearby on a hill. Flying above were a pair of twin pegasi foals, a colt and the filly, with the colt wearing a jacket and the other a beanie. "Aww! Aren't they adorable!?" "... I guess. But how is this entertainment?" "They can put on a flight show with us!" "... Right..." Both foals crashed into each other and landed nearby the two. They looked angry at each other before seeing the Hippogriff and Griffin. "Uh... sis, you seeing this?" The colt asked. "I don't know. Are you seeing this?" His sister asked. Yona, Sandbar, and Lightbreeze followed the pegasus mare with the prosthetic leg. She stopped and took notice. "Oh! Hello there!" She spoke with the same Minnesotian accent. "Oh my goodness! Aren't you all a bunch of cuties?" "Cute!?" Yona asked. "Yona not cute. Yona tough!" "And I might be small, but I'm not 'cute." Lightbreezr spoke. The mare picked the breezie up. "Aww, you're even cuter when you're angwy." Lightbreeze stared before pressing a button on his wrist. There was a small 'Boom!' in the sky, followed by something huge crashing to the floor, causing a small meteor on the floor and lots of dust to fly. When the dust ended, standing tall (A bit) was a huge, Red & Black colored mech suit with white 'eyes' that was a bit hunched over, with a left, claw like hand, a right arm that was a mix between a machine gun, flame thrower, & missile launcher, and twin rockets on it's back that looked to consume a lot of fuel for maximum flight, all towering Yona. It's helmet opened, allowing Lightbreeze to fly in, which closed as soon as he was inside. The mech suit activated, standing upright as it can before looking down at the mare. "IS THIS ADORABLE NOW!?" Lightbreeze spoke through the mech, making his voice much deeper and more threatening than necessary. The mare shivered before fainting from shock. "... I don't think you should've done that." Sandbar spoke. "WHEN DEADPOOL GIVES YOU A MECH FROM SOMETHING CALLED WARHAMMER 40K AND MODIFIES IT FOR YOUR SMALL SIZE, YOU WOULD USE IT AS WELL." Smolder, Selina, Roscoe, and and Summer Flare went to the only bakery in town, seeing it was closed... but then saw the only pair of ponies strolling around a tray of pies. "Hey! Excuse me!" Smolder spoke. "You both seem to be the only pie makers around. Care to tell us what you've made?" "Oh my, a dragon in these parts?" The fancy stallion spoke. "Quite unusual." "Indeed." His wife added. "But if you're curious, my husband made Apricot pies. Want to try?" "Yes!" Roscoe spoke, taking a slice and eating it. He face went green before hacking it up. "WHAT THE F##K IS THAT!?!?!? yes." "How rude! My apricots are fresh." Selina sniffed it then gagged. "Uh... no, these aren't ripe at all." She spoke before turning to another tree. "But those ones are!" "I can get them." Summer Flare spoke, hopping over to the other side of the fence the tree was in. "Oi! What are you doing in my garden!?" A Scottish sounding stallion yelled. "Uh oh! I gotta help." Smolder spoke, flying over. "Hmm... perhaps I can help you bake some pies?" Selina spoke. "Uncle Capper did teach me a thing or two." "Ooh! Same thing here, yes." Roscoe spoke. "Watched pink pony bake! Took lessons from her, yes." Selina blinked. "... I didn't think you had the brain to learn how to bake." "Hey!" Deadpool, Ocellus, and Strongheart were in the mayor's office with another mare that looked like Rosie the Riveter..The two students looked over a device while Deadpool looked at some files and a pair of binoculars to the town. "Hmm... So far, Gallus and Silverstream are with the Pickle and Barley Barrel, Lightbreeze made Kerfuffle faint, Selina & Roscoe are helping Mr & Mrs. Hoofington bake pies, and Summer Flare and Smolder are taking Moody Root's apricots." He looked back to see that another mare entered, this one with huge, poofy curls that looked like a mix between Pinkie and Aria Dazzling's mane. She looked surprised. "Oh my! Mr. Deadpool! Y-you're here!?" She asked. "Indeed, Petunia Petals." She blushed. "Y-you know my name?" "Along with Torque Wrench over there and about all the characters from the 2nd movie." "Somepony say my name?" The other mare asked, looking a bit confused as she and Ocellius fixed the device. "But yeah. I do." "Oh dear," Petunia began. "a-and you're really going to help us?" "Yep. We'll get your color back, but not in the way you'd expect." "... Oh? What do you mean?" "Ocellus!? Is it finished?" "Yep!" The changeling spoke. "We've altered the device to make it play music as well!" "Thank goodness it's over." Torque spoke, walking out. "I hate being the only repair pony." "And me?" Strongheart asked. "... Eh, MrAquino's lazy writing struck again." Deadpool answered. Deadpool connected his phone to all of the device, which was then connected to the various speakers around town, causing some feedback to be heard. He grabbed a Microphone. "Alright, X-Force members, switch your tools to 'Paint', cause this is gonna get creative." He then pressed play as Happy Together played. All the X-Force heard this, then pulled out modified guns that shot paint instead of bullets, similar to Splatoon. Gallus and Silverstream, with Pickle and Barley barrel watching, both began to paint the town with their paint guns. The Griffin began to slowly dance with the music, making the twins confused. "What are you doing?" Barley asked. "Oh, just a little something I've been meaning to ask." Gallus spoke, turning to Silverstream with an extended arm. "Care to join me?" "YES!!!" Silverstream shouted back. They both locked their arms together and began to dance while spinning in a circle, laughing childishly. Yona, Sandbar, and Kerfuffle, waking up, caught a sight of the two dancing, but smiled seeing them so happy. "Aww, they're so cute!" Kerfuffle commented on the sight. "Sandbar want to do the same with Yona?" Yona asked. "Heh, it'll be better than the Amity Ball." Sandbar chuckled. Lightbreeze landed by them in his mech. "INITIATING PAINTING SEQUENCE." The Breezie controlled mech spoke before blasting missiles all over the place, causing huge explosions of paint to go everywhere. Yona and Sandbar didn't care, as Sandbar, with a rose in one hand, twirled Yona around before leaning her down as an explosion of paint went off behind them. They both giggled and ran ahead, jumping on and climbing Lightbreeze's mechs, blasting away their paint across Hope Hollow. LightBreeze and the two landed across Selina, and Roscoe, with both Mr and Mrs. Hoofington taken back. "Right here!" Roscoe shouted, jumping and waving towards them. "Yes, right here!" Selina added. Both cat and dog crossed their arms together and skipped in unison as they fired away, getting paint all over the couple and their freshly baked pies. In the distance, Smolder and Summer Flare planted explosions everywhere, with Moody Root not too far behind, yelling nonsense about them trespassing on his property and can't take his apricots. They both saw the carnage the rest was causing. "Firework show?" Smolder asked. "Firework Show." Summer Flare replied. Smolder tossed explosions around, with Summer Flare turning into her Nirik self and delivering a fiery punch to the ground, causing all the explosions to go up and explode in the air. Deadpool, Ocellus, and Strongheart began to ascend up a pillar with the rest of the X-Force joining quickly, holding hands around their teacher, and firing at the town below, making everything colorful again like it's a scene from De Blob. With one final explosion of paint, the town, including it's residents, were now covered in paint. Color had returned to the entire town, making everything bright once again! "And, that, my fellow students, is a confirmed success!!!" Yay! I do love how everything sparks! I for one am still curious how the rest of Season 9 will play out. "Oh right... the rest..." Deadpool spoke. He took a deep breath. "Relax, Wade... it's not the end yet..." Author's Note Yes, the ending is just a parody to this. And though it took me a while, I couldn't help myself and watched the rest of Season 9... english dubbed, of course... won't spoil anything, but know that the chapters with new characters (Or lack thereof) will be brought in with the actual airing in the US. So... yeah... I hope you'll enjoy what's about to come next. (And if you saw the leaks, don't tell anyone. Common courtesy)
