I look fresh to death with my new dress and purse!
Twilight Sparkle sat alone in her room, enjoying a nice, dry, boring book on the breeding cycle of the common earthworm.
She couldn’t have asked for a better way to spend her night in.
Spike had been invited over to spend the night with the crusaders at Applejack’s, something Twilight was thankful for. The little dragon could do with more friends his age.
“Get your lumps off me!”
Twilight could hear a commotion outside her door. It was strange, there wasn’t supposed to be anyone else in the castle tonight, aside from the regular compliment of palace guards.
Whoever it was, they were getting closer by the minute.
“Where is she? Where’s that pretty skank?”
Twilight placed a bookmark in her book, closing it and laying it on her bed.
“What on Equus is going on out there?” she asked herself, as she cantered towards her chamber doors. She opened wide the doors. “Hello, what’s going—”
“Princess!” one of the guards shouted. “Please, return to your room! There’s an intruder on the grounds. The guards have yet to stop it.”
“What kind of castle is this, anyway?” the voice echoed from down the hall. The sound of metal scraping against marble could only indicate the intruder was dragging the guards behind them. “It's like a poor peoples' castle! With no lumpin' waffles for my dump truck!!”
Twilight could barely make hide-nor-hair of what the intruder was saying, but the sounds were certainly getting closer. The princess readied herself… she was no pushover when it came to a fight!
“Oh my glob!” the creature screamed, as she looked at Twilight. “Pony Princess! I always wanted to beat down a trashy lady!”
The creature swung her hand at one of the guards holding on to her. “Back off me, Rickie!”
Twilight beheld the strange creature before her. The creature, presumably female from her voice, was some kind of purple, amorphous, floating blob monster, with black beady eyes and a yellow star-shaped cutie mark in the middle of her forehead. She also seemed to be wearing a shopping bag as a dress.
“Ummm, hello?” Twilight said. “I’m not sure what’s going on, but I think we can—”
“You!” the blob creature cried, pointing her hand towards Twilight. “You stole something from me, something I can’t live without!”
“What are you—”
“Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar!”
The strange creature lunged at Twilight, grabbing at her mane and pulling hard.
“How could you take him from me, Melissa?”
“Melissa?” Twilight gasped as several strands of her mane were pulled from her neck. She fired up her horn, ready to blast the intruder. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, who is Mel—”
“Nuh-uh!” The strange creature swung Twilight by the hair, launching the alicorn princess through the open window.
Twilight screamed as she plummeted towards the ground. Then she remembered her wings. Always with the forgetting of the wings!
Twilight alighted the soft grass in front of her palace.
“Would somepony please explain to me what is goin—”
“Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh.”
Thump!
The strange creature landed face(?) first on the grass next to Twilight.
“Oh my gosh! Are you okay?” Twilight asked. Her innate care for her fellow creatures overpowering her sense of self preservation, and she lent a hoof to the creature to help it up again.
“Don’t touch me!” the creature screamed, batting away the hoof. “He tried to kiss me, on the mouth, and I was all like ‘blah blah’.”
“I’m just trying to—” Twilight said.
“What does that even mean?” The purple blob creature screamed, before swiping her nails across Twilight’s face.
The princess held a hoof up against the scratch, a small amount of blood dripping from the wound. She turned to the intruder with a determined grimace. “Give it up, Blob Creature, you’re only making my face look cooler!”
The purple blob creature once again lunged towards the alicorn… screaming, kicking and biting.
“That’s it!” Twilight yelled at the top of her lungs. She pulled her strength into her core, just like Applejack had taught her, and extended her legs out in a mighty buck, sending the purple creature flying.
Twilight’s horn flashed with power and Fluttershy appeared next to her.
“Ummm, Twilight—” Fluttershy asked.
“I’ve tried being nice,” Twilight shouted, ignoring the cringing pegasus next to her.
Another flash of her horn, and Rainbow Dash appeared, asleep on a small chunk of teleported cloud.
“I’ve tried to ask you what is wrong.”
Another flash, and Pinkie Pie was next to Rainbow, jumping on the sleeping mare and waking her with a start.
“I’ve tried to… where is she… I’ve tried to be hospitable.”
Another flash and both Rarity and Applejack appeared.
“I won’t ask why you were at Appleja—”
“It was going to rain!” Rarity yelped.
“A-An’ Ah couldn’t rightly send Rares home in th’ rain.”
Rainbow Dash looked up at the cloudless night. Pinkie Pie offered Rarity a wet nap.
“What ever is this for?” Rarity asked, looking at the wet nap in her hoof.
“You’ve got a little ‘rain’ matted in your muzzle,” Pinkie Pie giggled, Rainbow guffawing loudly behind them.
Twilight stood over the prone, bruised and battered purple blob monster thingy.
“I am done talking! If you won’t accept my friendship… Girls?”
The five new-arrivals gasped as they were all lifted up in the Rainbow Power’s magic. The magic of friendship swirled around them, filling them to the brim. Twilight hovered in the center of the five, feeling the powerful magics now at her command.
A burst of rainbow light beamed forth from Twilight, hitting the purple blob monster directly in the face.
“Nooooo!” the monster screamed, as it was launched into the air, flung towards the Badlands. “Skaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank!”
Twilight panted as they six landed back on the ground. Maybe now she could get some reading done.
“Uh, what just happened?” Fluttershy asked.
Twilight sighed. Alright, reading would have to wait.
“Come inside, girls, I’ll tell you what I know.”
As they trotted towards the castle, Rainbow whispered to Twilight, “That cut makes you look pretty bad-flanked.”
Twilight nodded to Rainbow.
“I know.”
Flash Sentry plodded through the harsh red sand, kicking a rock every few steps.
He had no idea what he might have done to have pissed off so many ponies. He was just a regular guard, doing his regular duties, when Shining Armor had called him to his office.
“You’re being reassigned to the Badlands Patrol,” Shining Armor had said, barely even looking at him. “Look for changelings, or something… no one cares.”
So now he was stuck on this solo route, patrolling for Celestia knows what.
Something shot over top of him at high velocity, making the strangest of noises.
“—Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank!” it sounded, until it hit the ground.
Then came the loudest boom Flash Sentry had ever heard. Dust kicked up everywhere from the impact site, and Flash had to make his way cautiously towards the—
He tumbled as he hit the edge of the crater, rolling over and over himself until he finally stopped, crashing into something soft, warm and purple.
The creature, whatever it was, looked up into Flash Sentry’s eyes.
“I’m ready now, Brad. Isn’t it obvi? I’m so ready!”
