Of Doubts and Demons

I sighed. The thought brought with it a surge of energy, and I realized that I was never going to fall asleep without settling this. I could prove the shadow wrong, prove to myself that I was right. But how?

I slipped out of bed and paced about my room. How should I go about this? Possibly, I could ask around the castle for what they thought of me, but I dismissed the idea. I didn’t like ponies interrupting me when I was in the middle of something, and it seemed rude to do it with them. Besides, these were the ponies who were used to seeing me around and who already knew what I did for them each and every night. I chuckled at the sudden mental image of Little Hooves and Rose Flare, two of Celestia’s helpers, when they saw me after I returned from a particularly exciting night. I could only imagine what they thought I had been through, when clips and chunks of my mane and tail were missing, mud was splattered across my front, and I kept insisting that it “’twas only a Tuesday night.” Their horror struck faces kept me amused far longer than it should have, considering all that had happened was I got in a fight with a tree and barely won.

I could go into some of the villages and visit with my subjects; I couldn’t remember the last time I had done that, surely it was moons and moons ago. This too I dismissed easily: I just imagined how the conversation would go between us. “How doeth thou view us?” “Very highly, I must go now, your majesty.” No pony would dare say anything else to my face; the story of how I bested Princess Platinum when she was rude to Celestia and I had become quite well-known amongst the ponies.

This gave me an idea—what if it was a different face that asked them? If I posed as a traveler, than the ponies would be more willing to open up about how they viewed me than if they thought it was actually me. I was sure there was some sort of transfiguration spell in the library—despite my issues with the star moving spell, I was fairly good at other sorts of magic, having hundreds of years of practice on top of my already powerful alicorn magic. I set off at once.

A few ponies gave me strange looks as I trotted through the Hall of Hooves, heading to the library, but none stopped me or questioned why I was still up. I supposed they felt it wasn’t their place—I was royalty, after all—but I didn’t like being seen as unapproachable.

I reached the stone alicorn statues that flanked the library’s entrance and went inside. The library was Celestia’s only requirement for the castle, and I had to admit, it came out gorgeous. She described it as everything a library should be—full of books. I described it as how every library was—deathly silent. As I walked, the utter lack of noise raised the fur on my back and tightened the muscles around my legs, sensations I associated with bolting in fear and therefore disliked.

Let’s not take any longer than I need to. Celestia had labeled most of the sections, from history to science to spells. I past the section where I knew Celestia had hidden a secret reading corner you could reach, if you knew to tilt one of the chairs back. I found the magic section and quickly scanned the titles for something that would be of use. The Book of Spells seemed to be a good place to start. I read through the index for transfiguration. Seeing none, I replaced the book and repeated the process down the line, until I found the section that was literally nothing but transformation spells. I wanted to smack my head into the closest table for being so impatient to find the book and not reading through what was already here. When I resumed by search, A Guide to Advance Transfiguration had my answer. I laid the book on a table to study it.

Reading through the spell, it reminded me of star moving; much more systematic and exact, unlike other charms that allowed for creativity. I scanned through the section, trying to find partial transformation instead of full transformation, as I was only seeking to change my height, fur and mane color and therefore didn’t have to worry about bodyweight, amongst other things.

I finally found it in the Equine transfiguration section. It seemed difficult, but I had dealt with harder spells before. I decided on what I wanted this new form to look like—not wanting to make it too difficult on myself, I chose colors that weren’t too different from my own coat and mane. I decided to make this form an earth pony, and mentally changed my cutie mark from a white crescent moon to a yellow moon. I pictured this pony until it no longer looked like my imagination but a pony I had actually seen in real life. Still holding onto the image, I tapped into my magic and let it envelop me in a bright light.

It felt like I had merely lifted my head to the sun on a warm summer day, and a breeze played with my mane and tail. When I released my magic and opened my eyes, the sudden shorter stature of this new form took me by surprise. I spun in a circle to observe myself. I was now teal with a light blue mane and tail that was much cut shorter than my own, and the new lightness from it felt oddly freeing.

Judging from the sun’s path across the main aisle, I had been down here for roughly an hour. More than enough time for the ponies to be up and moving. I trotted back to my room, passing a golden-colored pony I remembered was named Royal Ringer. He gave me an I don’t know you—are you supposed to be here? look, which I just smiled at and kept moving. Luckily, I didn’t pass anypony who knew I wasn’t supposed to be there.

Back in my room, I checked out my reflection in the mirror. My eyes had remained the same shape and color, but with everything else that had changed, I doubted anypony would notice. I sparked my magic to make sure I still could, and noticed that you could still see the glow, despite not having a visible horn.Lesson one, then: Don’t use magic on this trip. I found a spare white saddle bag and magicked it onto my back. Okay…starting now.

Now remember, Luna, I told myself as I tightened the stash on my saddle bag with my mouth. You’re in disguise because they wouldn’t ever set off your temper in front of you. You can’t get angry, no matter what they say. I stared at myself in the mirror for a second, then, realizing how stiffly I stood, I slouched. There, that looks not like Luna but the lonely traveler Sweet Dream. I picked the name off the top of my head, but it seemed to fit.

I turned to leave the room and was forced to stop in my tracks. Which village was I going to? I had been so busy getting a disguise ready that I completely forgot that part. I dug around my room for a map of Equestria, and chose an Earth Pony village solely on name: Fox Chase Hills. It was northeast of the castle, nestled behind the Foal Mountains; a several day hike on hoof. I supposed that a little bit more magic couldn’t hurt me that much more by this point, and cast a teleportation spell.

I reappeared on a road—the bright sun blinded me and it took a few seconds before I could get my bearings. The dirt path I was standing on was well-worn with wagon divots. Besides me were amber fields for miles and miles. Hills dominated the northeastern portion of the landscape, and the Foal Mountains rose to the sky in the south. I set off at an easy lope down the trail, my head on a swivel as I took everything in. I had been in this area before, whenever I was doing my flyovers, but everything looked so different in the daytime. Colors were richer, brighter, more vibrant, and contrasted with one another—it was rather like looking through kaleidoscope. Years ago, I could have looked a world twice as bright and not had to squint.

As I neared the village, I slowed to a trot, not wanting to seem too eager. There was only a smattering of well-worn buildings that were at the cusp of falling apart. The few ponies that were still in town hardly gave the buildings a look as they trotted on their way. For a moment, I wondered where everypony was, for there couldn’t be that many buildings for so few ponies, and then I remembered—as an earth pony town, most of the ponies would be out in the fields. I wondered how few remained in the town square and hoped it would be enough for my purposes here.

It struck me just how not-thought out my plan was—I was sleep deprived and starting to feel like walking death, and I had already forgotten to take into consideration the kind of village I’d be visiting in my haste to do this, probably due to the sleep deprivation. On top of that, though, was my rapidly growing apprehension. How in Tartarus was I supposed to do this? I hadn’t planned this far ahead, beyond “talk to them and get information”. Doubt crept in, asking if I was sure they would say they appreciated both of the princesses. Worse, what if they didn’t care about me? What would I do then?

I didn’t want to think about it; I couldn’t let my mind go there. The present is hard enough without worrying about what could happen. If I wasn’t the kind of pony that I am, I would have turned around right then and there. But I had to see this through—I couldn’t even let anything else be an option. If I stopped to think, I heard the shadow’s words buzzing around in my skull like a trapped bee, and I had to set it free by any means necessary.

I stumbled upon to the town’s square, unaccustomed to finding my way if I wasn’t flying. Either luckily or unluckily, there were several venders who had set up shop, so I couldn’t abandon the project on the grounds of “there was no pony there”.

Reluctantly, I approached a stand that sold bread, since it had the longest line and therefore I could put off the moment I had to do this for as long as possible. The ponies that stood in front of me were two unicorn mares and a pegasus stallion. The mare running the stand was an exhausted-looking, amber-hued pony with a grain of wheat for a cutie mark. She glanced at me as I approached, her head turned quizzically as she wrapped a loaf for one of the unicorns.

“Never seen you around these parts,” she said to me gruffly. Her voice was gravelly and hoarse, but not unkind. “I’ll get to you soon enough.”

I thanked her. It occurred to me that, with the additional viewpoints of the unicorns and pegasus, now would be the best time to start questioning. Jumping right into “hey, the princesses; what do you think of them?” seemed too rude and strange, and by the time I’d figured out how to start, the first unicorn had taken her purchase and left for another vendor.

“How are your, er, livelihoods?” It seemed awkward before I had even finished, and I felt like kicking myself for not thinking more. I felt exposed.

The vender thought about it for a second. “Hard, mind, but getting better.”

The unicorn only huffed. The pegasus merely shrugged.

“You lookin’ for a spot to settle or somethin’?” The vendor said.

“Sort of…” I was momentarily distracted from the realization that this new form was a lot smaller than the stallion’s frame, and it made me feel uneasy. I was so used to looking down on everypony that being smaller and having to look up was off-setting. I remembered that I should probably expand on my answer. “My, uh, town’s from outside Equestria, just beyond the Badlands, and I’m trying to figure out…” How had she phrased it? “where’s best to settle.”

“Back where you came from,” the unicorn replied curtly.

“Now, don’t say that,” the vender admonished. “Things are getting better. Princess Celestia is workin’ her hardest to restore this kingdom.”

“Well, until she’s done, you’re best going back from where you came from.” The unicorn told me. “The princesses haven’t had the best track record. I don’t want to jinx it,” she casted a meaningful look to the vender. “But I reckon it’s just a matter of time until some other issue pops up. Big issue, one that the sisters won’t be able to handle. One that will defeat them, and then we’re back where we started with.”

“Now, now Classical, we can’t give up hope,” the vendor said. She smiled ruefully at me. “Things are a bit tense at the moment.”

“Things have been tense for the past fifty years,” Classical muttered under her breath.

I seized my chance and feigned ignorance. “The Princesses?”

“Celestia and Luna,” the vendor said. She finished wrapping Classic’s order and took the pegasus’. His takes so little time that I found myself next without a clue what to order. “Uh…I need two loaves of wheat.” I made up on the spot.

“Absolutely,” she said. “I’m Hazel Harvest, by the way, but everypony just calls me Hazel. What’s your name?”

“Sweet Dreams,” I said. Hazel readied my order by mouth, making it impossible to hold a conversation with her, and I wanted to kick myself again for picking this place. As she finished up, I took another chance. “So…who are the princesses exactly? What do you think of them?”

“Well, it’s as I said; they’re workin’ their hardest. Lot of issues that need resolved on their plate right now. But it will get better, but times are tough at the moment.”

“You mentioned one—Celestia—but what of the other?” I tried oh so hard to keep the anticipation out of my voice.

“Luna…” Hazel shrugged. “Don’t know too much about her. She brings forth the moon, and Celestia raises the sun, if you want to know about that, although I’m sure even where you’re from you’re aware of that. Celestia’s the one who does most of the work, though, in my opinion; never see Luna around or hear how she’s helping restoring peace and harmony. I shouldn’t say that though—I suppose she’s nocturnal, so a pony wouldn’t see her during the day. Can’t imagine what she gets into, though. That will be about twenty bits, dear.”

Never see me around? Of course you don’t, I do the heavy lifting in this! Celestia just signs papers and talks to ponies all day, I’m the one who actually fights to keep the dangers away! I was suddenly pulled out of my thoughts and it took a second for me to register what she asked. I automatically reached for magic to pull out the change I had brought before I remembered that I was supposed to be an earth pony. I dug out the amount with my mouth, wondering how any pony could survive having to put this metallic, nasty-tasting bit in their mouths day in and day out. I thanked Hazel and collected the bread before trotting to another pony to talk to.

My next stop was at a corn stand. Again, a mare was running the stand, this one named Cornflower. She’s a light blue pony with an orange mane, and an ear of corn for a cutie mark. There was not a line for her, so I was able to talk for a bit.

“How are things going for you?” I started out.

“Could be better, could be worse,” she said as she gathered together my order. “It’s real fragile at the moment—that scares me the most. But, if we have another harvest like this one, and another, I think things could stabilize for us around here.”

“I’m trying to find a place to settle.” The lie came easily this time. “How are things, uh, leadership-wise?”

“You mean for Chancellor Redwood or the Royal Sisters?”

“The Sisters.”

“Well…” Cornflower tapped her chin with her hoof. “Princess Celestia has her work for cut out for her, no doubt about that. We’ve suffered a lot lately, and it’s going to get a whole lot worse unless she can pull things together. I’m not sure if she can; of course, I hope she does, for all our sake’s.”

“But what about the other sister?”

“Luna…I know she protects the night, but as to what else she does…keeps us safe, I suppose. Don’t know how well that’s been working out for her, considering Discord a few decades ago. Ah, don’t look like that, I’m sure she’s important, an excellent pony, even if I don’t know exactly what she does. I don’t think anypony does.”

“All you see is Celestia’s work,” I said. If she heard the note of anger and annoyance in my voice, she ignored it.

“Well, it’s the most visible, darling.”

Silently fuming, I paid for the order without another word.

I wasn’t sure where else to go next—I wanted to find the pony that would assure me that yes, I was important and knew that without having to wonder about it, and I wanted to find that pony next. I didn’t get a choice, however; the two unicorns I had met at the bread stand spotted me and trotted over.

“Hello,” the one said. “Classical Debut and I were talking, and I fear she was rude to you. I just wanted to welcome to Equestria. I’m Wynne Chime.”

I stared at her, unsure of what to say. The two contrasted each other so well that I thought they might be sisters, now that I was looking at them properly. Classical was white with a dark brown mane and tail, while Chime was dark brown with a white mane and tail.

“Oh, well, thank you,” I said when I found my voice. “I’m Sweet Dream.”

“I still stand by what I said,” Classical said, and Chime shot her a look.

“It was rude,” Chime responded.

“Doesn’t change the truth of it,” Classical said. “You’ve come at a bad time, Sweet Dream. Yes, things haven’t fallen into full out war, nor have the Princesses been overthrown and we’re now slaves, but that’s the thing—it could still become a reality very, very soon. It’s dangerous riding the edge of civil unrest and prosperity like this.”

Chime was forced to agree. “Instability is risky and scary, but they’re working at it. I have faith in them.”

“What do you think of Princess Luna?” I asked Chime. I didn’t care that my question was up front; she might be just the pony to save my faith in my subjects.

She thinks about it for a second. “I’m sure she works hard, like Celestia. I’m sure both of them will pull us out of this.”

“Doing what?” Classical huffed. I felt anger rising in me and wished that I could have silenced her before she could continue. “Did she prevent Discord from overtaking the throne? She’s supposed to be the action one, the fighter of the two, but she just stood there and let Discord take charge. And Celestia was the one who discovered the Elements of Harmony to turn him to stone, not Luna.”

“Maybe there’s a lot of other threats that we don’t even know about, and she stops those,” Chime played advocate for me, and I felt a swell of affection for her. “After all, our nights are peaceful. Have you heard of anything since Discord? We sleep soundly enough in our beds.”

“It’s only a matter of a time,” Classical shook her head. “I’m sure those ponies before Discord came felt the same way.”

My mouth was opened to speak on my defense before I remembered I couldn’t. My forelegs desperately wanted to strike out at Classical, make her pay for what she said, and it took a lot of effort to keep them reined in. Discord’s uprising was my fault? I wanted to squash that lie with my hoof and bury it deep. I couldn’t take any more of this.

Forcing a teeth-clinched smile, I said “Thank you. I need to go now.” And I trotted away before they could follow me.

So this is what they think of you,I thought fervently. I glared at every pony I saw on my way out, their looks of surprise and concern only fueling my anger. No pony knew the extent of my work, understood just how much effort it took to stop the creatures that called for their blood. The sacrifice I gave, how nightly I risked my neck to give them a night of sleep.

Princess Celestia was the public face of the Royal Sisters and, as such, was far more memorable and important in my subject’s eyes. All they saw was Celestia’s struggle, her valiant efforts, to bring back peace and harmony, and how it was getting better, things were improving, all because of her and only her. I was just the other Princess.

The message was loud and clear: Celestia was the special one.

I was the afterthought.