You know, you never really realize how much you take things for granted until you no longer have it; for instance driers and a week’s worth of clothes. Let me tell you, it is not fun waiting in one area for hours on end, in a forest, for clothes to dry only for them to STILL be damp when you’re ready to get moving again!
Anyway I doubt you’re here to listen to a madman ramble on about damp clothes, I’m sure you want to know who the hell I am and why you should care; am I right? Well, as for who I am: I’m nobody important really, just a crazy old man with a story to tell about a world filled to the brim with creatures from mythology: Manticores, Cockatrices, Unicorns, Pegasi; you name it. That’s not all either, those Pegasi and Unicorns? They have technicolor manes and coats. Not only that but they can actually talk the English language. Imagine that: mythological, technicolor, talking Equines! I admittedly lost it when I first discovered this… world? Dimension? I’m not sure what to call it but one things for certain, we’re not in Kansas anymore.
Hhmmm… I just realized I have yet to tell you my name. Well, I never use my old name anymore, so you can just call me Relator. Now, I've brought you here to hear my crazy story of first contact, new dimensions, and much much more. As any story, good or bad, new or old, should I guess I’ll start at the beginning and go from there.
It all started with a human with the name of Vulgaris. . .
Portal Problem's and Sea Serpent Scare's
I guess it all started in a small forest in the middle of Missouri, USA; Vulgaris had gotten all of his usual camping/hiking gear together: a tent (in case it rains), sleeping bag, around 20 MRE’s, 5 sets of clothes, his Swiss Army Knife, flint ‘n steel, binoculars, his hunting knife, 2 full water bottles, a pot (to boil water), his double-headed ax, and a fishing net. Now it started like every other first day his annual camping trip for Vulgaris, which is spending the entire first day finding a good camping spot before dark. After about 2 hours of searching, with 5 hours left before dark, he found the strangest anomaly. It seemed to be something you’d see in the game Portal: a white-rimmed, oval-shaped portal; it showed a dark forest that looked more colorful than the forest he was currently in, even though the colors themselves were of the darker variety. Now, being the curious and borderline insane individual that he is, he decided to go through the mysterious portal.
What? Don’t look at me like that; it probably seemed like a good idea at the time, besides nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? Now where was I? Ah, right through the portal.
The first thing that happened once he got through was a bright flash disorienting him and a blast of air knocking him forwards into a tree knocking him out. When he awoke again it took him a minute to realize what just happened causing him to faint again. When he finally re-awoke he came to terms with what just happened in roughly five minutes. After he calmed down he took stock of his surroundings: he was in a clearing, roughly 15 ft. across. He was surrounded by those odd looking tree’s that he saw when looking through the portal, there was also a patch of odd blue flowers on the other side of the clearing.
*Beep Beep*
“Crap,” he exclaims while looking at his watch, “I must been unconscious a good 3 hours, it’s fucking 6 PM already! I’d better find a damn campsite before it gets dark, then figure out what the hell is goin’ on here.”
2 Hours Later
“Finally,” he exclaimed, entering a clearing, “It’s ‘bout time I find a suitable campsite to set up.” The clearing itself was a half-circle, the tree’s were about 10 ft. from the shore of a wide river, which was flowing lazily eastward. “Let’s get this over wi…”
What?
....
Yes, he did talk to himself, you got a problem with that?!
....
Ya, that’s what I thought, now shut up and pay attention.
30 Minutes Later
“Finally got the campsite set up. Now then, what am I forgetti-*Rumble*-ng. Oh! How could I forget about you Mister Belly? Let’s fill you up,” he says as he opens an MRE, “alright, let’s take stock of what I’ve got left: 18 MRE’s, ½ bottles of water (I’ll have to purify some more soon), hhmmm looks like I still have everything else and I’ve already lit the fire to keep the cold and any animals away.”
“Okay, the good news is it seems that the stars are relatively the same, or at least Polaris is,” he says as he gets into his sleeping bag, “the question is just how much is the same in this place?”
Now, before we go further let me get it on the board that he is a strong believer in the multi-verse theory and parallel worlds. With that said, after his initial freakout, he’ll be a bit more accepting of certain things not seen in his universe, mostly just the creatures.
The Next Morning
(First Person POV Until Further Notice)
There are many different ways to be surprised, a lot of them are good, but some of them not so much. Among them are turning around after chopping some wood for a fire and seeing a giant purple sea serpent at eye level with you watching you, how it snuck up on me I’ll never know.
“Aaaahhhh!” I released a… manly and not at all girly sounding, yelp.
“Oh dear, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you,” said the… sea… serpent… sure, why not I’m in a world of cartoon colors and purple sea serpents with hair. Absolutely nothing strange ab-”Hellooo? Are you alright?” It… he asks waving a claw in front of me.
“Er, yes?”
“Ah, so you DO talk.” He sounds like an extremely feminine guy.
“Yes I do, so uhm… do you have a name?”
“Steven Magnet at your service, and whoooo are you?”
“Nice to meet you Steven, names Vulgaris.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you too Vulgaris. I’ve never seen anything like you before, if I may ask: just what are you?”
He’s never seen anything like me before? Okay, that takes Human’s away from the list of what I’ll find around here, I hope there are Human’s on this world somewhere, maybe he just hasn’t been too far; can’t exactly see the world when you're stuck in a river.
“I’m what you’d call a Human or Homo Sapiens if you want to get technical. Hey Steven.”
“Yes?”
“Do you mind if I ask you a few questions about this… er… country?”
“Oh not at all, what do you want to know?”
Ok, time to get some answers
1 ½ Hours Later
Thank the stars above that Steven found me before I started hiking to find civilization. He left about 10 minutes ago after telling me quite a bit about this country, which I in turn told him some stuff about where I came from. I learned a lot, especially about this forest which is called the Everfree Forest, the country I’m technically in is called Equestria which is inhabited mostly by… wait for it… PONIES! As if the name wasn’t bad enough. The reason I’m technically in Equestria is because apparently long ago some magical-of course, what other kind would it have been-battle happened here between 2 sisters who ‘control the Sun and Moon’ and after the battle the area around it became uninhabitable causing the Sun Princess to remove any claim from the area that the forest ends up growing in. The most important thing that I’ve learned from Steven is information about the forest: avoid the blue flower patches of a plant called ‘Poison Joke’, he also warned me of the many creatures of the forest including the Timberwolves-Wooden Wolves! Talk about a play on words-, Manticores, and Cockatrices being the worst of them.
He’s told me if I head South I’ll find an old abandoned castle that I could stay in and if I head North I’ll find a small town called Ponyville-seriously, do they have no imagination?- though he told me they were rather skittish according to some Zebra named Zecora-what doesn’t talk around here? I am NOT giving up meat- who had some trouble with them hiding from her; good news is I at least know what their most likely response in a Fight-or-Flight situation will be.
On that note I’d better start headin’ off before it gets too late, hopefully I can get there before dark; I’ll probably set up inside the castle, hopefully there’s a room or two that’s not in total disrepair and that still have furniture in them. Welp, time a wastin’ let’s get goin’.
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