“I’m Agent Applejack, this is Agent Dash” An orange Earth Pony introduced herself
“Good morning Agents. Right this way please” A light brown Pegasus replied.
The three ponies stepped under a roll of yellow police tape and walked into the scene. Rainbow Dash looked around, surveying the forest area. It did not look good. A few junior agents were carrying out routine field work, looking for evidence. Traces of blood, a few sets of footprints, and the occasional cigarette bud could be seen. However, the thing that drew her attention was something which looked incredibly out of place in the clearing. It was a refrigerator. There was a horrible smell coming from it. She was about to take a closer look, but realised that the brown Pegasus was speaking to Applejack. She listened in.
“A call came in about 9 this morning”
“Who made the call?” Applejack asked sharply
“Some jogger. Said he was training for the running of the leaves, saw the refrigerator, came closer but noticed the stench”. The brown Pegasus wrinkled his nose.
“Did he open it?” Applejack asked, taking everything down in her notebook.
“We asked him that. He got very agitated. Said something like ‘You think I’m stupid huh? You think I don’t watch CSI? Of course I didn’t open it’”
“Smart fellow.” Rainbow commented.
The three ponies walked over to the fridge and inspected it.
“LG. Nice brand.” Rainbow Dash muttered. Applejack looked at her and was shocked to see that she was deep in thought. Applejack wondered where Rainbow Dash was going with this information, because she couldn’t see any significance.
“My fridge has been giving me problems lately. I should switch fridges.” Rainbow Dash said after a few moments. Applejack glanced at her again and noticed that Rainbow Dash was still in deep thought, concentrating very hard on something. She placed a hoof on her friend’s shoulder.
“Rainbow Dash? Are you ok? Why are you switching fridges?” She asked.
Rainbow Dash turned to her, her expression deadly serious. With a slight pause, she replied.
“Because I want my life to be good.”
The scene went completely silent. A few moments passed, and then Applejack’s jaw dropped at the joke. She shoved Rainbow Dash, who fell over onto the ground laughing like a maniac. The mood went back to normal and the junior agents started talking again, some grimacing at her joke while others smiled.
“Anyway… shall we open the fridge?” she asked once Rainbow was back to her feet.
“Why me?” Rainbow asked, shooting a look at the Brown Pegasus agent. He coughed and looked at Applejack, who just stared back at him.
“Fine, I’ll do it” he said.
With a quick motion, he grabbed the handle and opened it a peek. The smell instantly became much stronger. The Pegasus slammed the door shut but it was too late. All the nearby agents started to choke, while the brown Pegasus had to fly off to a nearby tree to throw up. With slightly nervous expressions, Applejack and Rainbow Dash stared at each other until…
“Forget it.” Rainbow growled, grabbed the handle and opened it fully. Every living thing in the area was instantly assaulted by the worst stench they had ever smelled. Worse, the sight of what was in the fridge nearly made the two need to throw up as well. Stuffed inside the fridge was the dead body of a giraffe. The cold had stopped the decomposition, but the body had been sliced into three pieces so that it could fit inside the fridge.
Applejack and Rainbow stepped away from the fridge, their faces frozen in horror. After a while, Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. Applejack turned to her and listened.
“Looks like his life…” Rainbow Dash began.
“Ain’t so good.”
Cue the A:CSI intro: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-s-HAfUMqSE
Later that day, back at ACSI headquarters, Forensic Expert Twilight Sparkle was examining the giraffe. It was a very interesting specimen. It had been neatly sliced into three parts, from the head to the base of the neck, then the torso and front legs, followed by part of the main body, the tail and hind legs. The lab itself was bare except for a table in the middle with the giraffe on it, a smaller table by the side with some evidence, and a stool by her side with her tools on it. Magically lifting a recording device, she began her autopsy.
“Autopsy begins, 1336 hours. Examiner, Twilight Sparkle. ACSI Forensics Team.
Victim is an even-toed ungulate (or hoofed) mammal. Facial characteristics and skull shape resemble those of a camel, while the hide consists of dark patches on a light background, similar to those of the leopard. These features point towards victim being of the family Giraffa camelopardalis – the common giraffe. Body has been neatly trisected – head to neck, front quarters, hind quarters.”
Twilight paused and thought for a moment. Something wasn’t right. How could the giraffe have been sliced into thirds AND quarters? Another thought struck her. Whoever we’re up again must have some powerful magic. She wrote a single line in her notebook, “Strong Magic” and decided to inform Rainbow Dash and Applejack when they arrived. With a start, she realised that the recorder was still recording. She hurriedly resumed her autopsy.
“Bones are cleanly sliced through, suggesting a powered cutting instrument rather than manual hacking. Analysis of cutting patterns should help identify the type of blade used.”
She paused again. With such powerful magic, why did the killer decide to chop the giraffe instead of using magic to kill it? She pushed the thought aside and resumed.
“Victim was found inside a domestic refrigeration unit. This is congruent with the abnormally high level of rigor mortis. Closer examination of the epidermis reveals imprints of the egg-tray, the glass surface on top of the vegetable drawer, the dial that controls cooling levels. This suggests body was tightly packed into the refrigerator and left there for a considerable length of time.”
Twilight paused again
Considerable… length? She thought to herself, looking at the giraffe’s neck. That’s a good one if I may say so myself. Twilight began to laugh to herself. All of a sudden she remembered that she was in the middle of an autopsy. She slapped herself in the face, rubbed her eyes, and resumed. This workload is getting to me; I should finish this before something else happens.
“Anyway… decomposition processes have been delayed by the insulation and relative coolness of the refrigerator interior, and very little post-mortem insect activity has taken place. While the body is cool to the touch, there is no evidence of frost, desiccation or brittleness that comes from extended refrigeration. This is congruent with the refrigerator not having been operating when or since the body was inserted.”
A noise caused her to look up. Rainbow Dash and Applejack had entered the lab to learn about her findings. She decided to wrap it up.
“Surface of body reveals no puncture wounds.”
Rainbow Dash noticed some snacks on the smaller table. She motioned to Applejack, and the two began to eat them. Twilight didn’t notice them and concluded her autopsy.
“Anyway, cause of death undetermined. Unless it was being sliced in three. I guess that would kill anyone. Autopsy paused at 1342 hours. To be resumed after lunch.”
She turned to the two ponies and greeted them. The two responded and they began discussing the case. After a few minutes, Rainbow Dash asked a question which had been bugging her since they had begun the conversation.
“These snacks are good, Twilight. Where are they from?”
For the first time, Twilight noticed the snacks in Rainbow Dash’s hooves.
“Oh, those are samples extracted from the fridge” she said nonchalantly.
Rainbow and Applejack froze, slowly put the snacks down, and proceeded to spit out whatever was in their mouths. Twilight looked at them disapprovingly, her lab coat now stained with snacks and saliva. Eager to escape Twilight’s stare, Applejackcarried on the conversation.
“So… how’s it going Twi?” She asked.
“Pretty cool” Twilight smiled, nodding at the fridge
“Was that a joke?” Rainbow Dash accused
“Was it funny?” Twilight asked hopefully.
“No”
“Then it wasn’t” Twilight decided.
Applejack sighed.
“Just sum it up for us Twi.”
“As you wish Applejack, but there’s a lot of body to cover. It’s a pretty tall order” She tried again
“Was THAT a joke!?” Rainbow exclaimed.
“Was it funny!?” Twilight challenged.
“…A bit” She admitted.
“Then yes, yes it was.”
At this point Applejack had to restrain Rainbow Dash, who had lunged for Twilight and was reaching for her throat. After a few struggles, she finally managed to calm down the angry Pegasus. She turned to Twilight and glared at her. Even she was getting annoyed. Luckily, Twilight got the hint and continued her description of her findings, taking care to avoid Rainbow Dash’s eyes.
“In short, time and cause of death… your guess is as good as mine. Actually, that’s not true. Your guess is completely useless, while mine is intellectual and most likely to be correct.”
Twilight danced out of Rainbow Dash’s way, but it turned out to be unnecessary. Rainbow Dash was staring at her, jaw dropped and eyes open in shock, well beyond the point of anger. Applejack took the chance to thank Twilight and grab Rainbow Dash. She began to push the Pegasus towards the exit when Twilight called out to her.
“Wait! One of the juniors discovered this at the crime scene.”
She handed a zip-lock bag to Applejack with a post it inside.
“A post it?” She asked.
“What does it say?” Rainbow asked. Twilight and Applejack turned to her in shock, but the Pegasus was keeping calm.
“Step three” murmured Applejack.
“What could it mean?” wondered Rainbow. She turned to Twilight.
“Hoofwriting analysis?”
“Nothing to compare to”
“Ink Analysis?”
“Black felt marker, medium thickness, Zebra brand”
Rainbow’s ears perked up.
“Wait a minute… Strong magic, lives in the forest where the body was found… ZECORA!” She yelled.
She was about to dash off to arrest the zebra when Applejack bit her tail and stopped her.
“What!?” She cried
“Rainbow” began Applejack
“Do you really think this case is so black-and-white?”
