A Very Derpy Day

by PegaWriter

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Dinky Hooves, Random, Derpy Hooves, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Fleur de Lis, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2958

Twilight, you really should not give important packages to Derpy

Derpy Hooves is a simple mare living in Ponyville, a mailmare in fact. As a mailmare, her job is to deliver her packages no matter what, and under no circumstances can she overlook this rule. Today Princess Twilight herself gives Derpy a package! What could possibly go wrong?

Published 2015-02-27 04:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-27 04:10:01 UTC

Maybe That Wasn't the Best Idea...

"Dinky, be a good little filly while you're at school today!" Derpy shouted to her small filly as she began to flap her wings, lifting up above the brightly colored schoolyard. She took a small sigh as she smiled to her daughter. She then lifted a hoof to wave to the child.

"Okay, Momma! Have a good day at work!" Dinky smiled brightly back at her mother, who happily waved to her before turning and flying out of sight.

"I wonder what I have to deliver today! Hopefully somewhere nearby..." Derpy was a mailmare. She loved her job, everything was great! The customers always met her with a smile, even when she switched up their mail, or dropped the package mid-flight. Her boss, on the other hand, was somepony Derpy wished she did not have to face every morning. Everytime Derpy made a small mistake (Every mail-carrier accidentally slams into the customer’s door, right?) she was docked part of her pay. She thought of quitting this job, just to be free of her boss, but she had only really been able to get a job at the post office. Many others in Ponyville thought she was too clumsy to hire, they even told her that she was a hazard! She didn't understand why at all, of course she bumped into the occasional lamp-post or wall, but didn't everypony?

As Derpy fluttered down to the blue steps of the post office she continued to ponder this question. Her hooves clicked quietly against the hard pavement. Suddenly, Derpy walked into a large object. She jerked backwards quickly, expecting a wall to be there. She quickly realized it was in fact not a wall, but a pony. She leapt back in shock, trying with all her might to see who she had hit. As her vision cleared, she saw the build of a tall mare with shades of purple strewn throughout her body.

"Oh, I'm so so sorry! Excuse me, I need to get inside..." Derpy rambled to the pony in front of her, waving her hooves and bowing her head. As she looked up she saw a bright purple alicorn, her expression frantic and worried. She was holding a small package in her purple magic. "Oh, Princess Twilight! I'm so sorry, I wasn't looking and..."

"No need to apologize Derpy. It was an accident. Oh, and just Twilight is fine." Twilight smiled softly at the pegasus, her head tilting slightly at Derpy’s remark, though her eyes still held her panicked mood.

"Okay, just Twilight. Got it. What brings you here?" Derpy replied, her body slowly relaxing.

She sighed as her face turned back to panic, "Spike's sick. I ordered some medicine from Outer Equestria for him, but it won’t be here till next week. But as it turns out I need to send an urgent package to Princess Celestia. I can't get it there on time without Spike! I don't know what I'm going to do… I thought maybe if I went to the post office they could send this package out today, but they said that there was no way they could…" Twilight's face fell as her hair slightly flew out of it’s normal place and her wings ruffled. Derpy noticed her extreme anxiety and jumped up.

"I can deliver it!" Derpy blurted without thinking, "Really, I can get it to Canterlot by the end of today!" She confirmed it with a happy nod.

Twilight’s face turned from sadness to confusion in a split second, as her ears perked and her eyes fell upon the mailmare. "Derpy are you sure? I mean, Canterlot's an awful long way away..."

"Don't worry Twilight! I can do it!" She smiled happily and puffed her chest in pride, as her wings extended and she flapped them rapidly. She tried to hide her worry to reassure the already anxiety-stricken mare.

Twilight glanced about quickly, as she weighed her options. "Well, okay.” Twilight reluctantly agreed to the offer, “Just make sure it gets there before the end of today. Got that?" Twilight said as she handed Derpy a small, brown cardboard package.

"Yep!" Derpy smiled even brighter than before, lifting a hoof to her forehead to form a salute to the princess.

"Okay, I'll go tell your boss where you'll be then. Good luck Derpy!" Twilight walked slowly back to the door of the post office and smiled at Derpy. Derpy beamed and flew off into the bright blue sky ahead of her.

She was on the road to Canterlot.

Derpy cleared her mind and tried to remember the way to Canterlot. She had flown there only once or twice before, she very rarely made any trips this long, but she had to deliver this package.

“Canterlot… Canterlot… Uh was it west or east?” She spun around, trying to get her bearings but all she saw was trees as far as the eye could see. "Or, or maybe it was north? South?" She looked about frantically, only to be met with a sea of green trees.

“Oh dear…” She started to lower herself to the ground, to look for any roads or paths that may help her. As Derpy got closer to the ground she saw a pinkish unicorn trotting through the forest. Maybe she could help her! Derpy dove quickly, grasping the package in her hooves. The ground quickly approached her and she extended her wings to soften her landing.

She hit the ground with a thud.

“Owwwww…” Derpy moaned under her breath. She slowly lifted her eyes and looked around. She stretched her left wing, a deep aching pain erupting from the muscles. Derpy recoiled in pain as she stumbled to her hooves.

She coughed and spat grass and dirt onto the ground. Her mane and tail had clearly taken some toll as well, for they were tangled and clumped with more dirt. She lifted a hoof, only to hit something furry. She jumped back in shock and fell on her hindquarters.

“Oh, dear. Are you alright Ms. Pegasus?” The furry thing questioned.

“Huh?” Derpy realized that this was no thing, this was in fact a pony, and one she knew well in fact.

“F-Fleur de Lis?!” Derpy skidded back again, bowing apologetically to the pink mare. “I’m, I’m so so sorry for bumping into you!”

Fleur giggled slightly at this realization, “It’s alright, sweetie. No need to apologize. You are a…” Fleur glanced at Derpy’s package that lay broken on the ground. “Mailmare perhaps?”

“Y-yes! How did you know?” Derpy blushed slightly, she was really in front of the Fleur de Lis! Oh, Dinky would love to hear this story…

Fleur cut off Derpy’s thoughts, “Your package, dear.” She pointed to the mangled box.

“Oh, oh nononononono! Princess Twilight said to be extra careful, and now look what I’ve done…” Fleur realized pegasus’ dilemma and fired up her horn. The pink glow of her magic encased the package and it lifted softly to the air. She began to open the package carefully when Derpy jumped up at swatted the package away.

“N-no!” She blushed slightly and lifted the package to her back. “I’m sorry, Miss Fleur, but I can’t let you open it. I might get fired if you d-do.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t know!” Fleur bowed her head in apologies and blushed brightly, “And, dear, I never asked, what’s your name?”

“D-Derpy Hooves.” She started to ask her name, but smiled when she remembered who was in front of her, “I-I know yours, so no need t-to say it…”

Fleur smiled at her, but Derpy could tell the smile was more of a worried grin. Nothing about it seemed very jolly to her. “Um, I’m sorry I’m asking so many questions, but do you by chance know how to get to Canterlot?” Fleur questioned.

“Oh no…” Derpy whispered, she sorta knew the way, but if Fleur didn’t know then she might get lost! That wouldn’t be good. “Why? Don’t you live there?”

Fleur’s face fell. She talked very slowly and shallowly and seemed very scared. “I decided to go into the woods for a good walk to clear my mind but…” Fleur sighed “It seems I got a little bit, well, lost.”

Derpy sighed as well, “Okay, well I think I know the way… You can follow me if you want! Maybe you can recognize something and find a way out.” Derpy reasoned that of Fleur was really just taking a walk, then she couldn't have wondered too far from the path to Canterlot.

Fleur nodded happily, “Alright darling! Lead the way!”

And with that the duo headed out for Canterlot.

“Who knew that there was a swamp outside Canterlot? Well I guess you learn something new everyday.” Derpy mumbled. Fleur trotted behind her, shaking slightly and covered in water. A few pieces of moss were sticking out of her pink mane and tail, and all that came from her mouth was a groan.

“Derpy, dear, no offense but I believe your path has only lead us in circles.”

“Um… Maybe it’s over there then!”

“Maybe I should lead the way.” Fleur expressed with a grunt.

“Oh… Okay, if you want to I suppose.” Derpy’s face fell in disappointment.

Fleur grunted and started to walk ahead of Derpy, her head held high up in the air. She turned and noticed Derpy’s face. She sighed and put a hoof on her shoulder.

“Derpy, I’m very sorry. That was a bit harsh. Let’s see.” She glanced down at Derpy’s wing. “Is your wing feeling better?”

Derpy extended her wing, only to feel a sharp pain course through her spine. “N-no. Honestly, it feels worse…”

“Oh, dear-” She looked at her wing. “Derpy! We must find Canterlot soon, I fear your poor wing might be broken…”

That would explain the pain… “I sure hope not… If I can’t fly I can’t get money to support Dinky…”

“Dinky?” Fleur cocked her head to the side, a chunk of moss falling off as she did so.

“Oh, that’s my daughter. She’s 8 right now, and well, I’m kinda low on money…”

“Well… How about a deal?” Fleur smiled brightly at her.

“A deal? What kind of deal?”

“You get us out of this forest, and I help you with your money troubles. How’s that sound?”

Derpy couldn’t believe her ears. The Fleur de Lis was offering her money.

"I... R-really?"

"Most certainly dear! But I'd have to meet this daughter of yours of course. Just to make sure your telling the truth~" She added with a wink.

"Oh my Celestia! I... I don't know what to say! Thank you so much!"

Fleur giggled, "Well you'll have to find a way out first." She said while smiling, her hoof on Derpy's back.

"Of course Miss Fleur!"

"Oh just Fleur is fine, darling."

"Are, are you sure? I mean, your nobility and I just met you and-"

Fleur stopped her quickly, "I think we've been through quite a bit already, I say I can call you my friend."

Derpy smiled ear to ear, "Oh that would be wonderful, Miss- I- I mean Fleur!" She said with a nod.

The pair continued to trot about, Fleur and Derpy chatting away all the while. Their fears seemed to fade away with every conversation they had. They had a lot in common, much to Derpy's surprise.

Fleur stopped abruptly and put a hoof in front of Derpy.

"Just a second." She whispered. She looked around happily. "I- I know this place! I know how to get home!"

Derpy smiled brightly, "Really? That's great! Hurry, the suns about to go down! Let's go!"

They giggled in pure glee and galloped along the path, the lights of Canterlot shining through the forest.

A low growl hissed through the trees.

"U-uh what was that?" Fleur questioned.

"Oh no..." Derpy had heard that sound before, as she lived near the Everfree. Everypony knew what that creature was. "Um, maybe I'm mistaken! I don't smell anything-"

Derpy bit her tongue when she smelled the harsh smell she had hoped wouldn't arrive.

"W-what's wrong?!" Fleur cried, a few panicked tears rolling down her cheeks.

"T-t..." A large wolf like creature made of many sticks and logs jumped from the brush, it's fangs exposed and very close to them. "TIMBERWOLF!!!" Derpy screamed, making a beeline for anywhere but where the wood creature was.

Fleur stood in udder horror before chasing after Derpy, catching up to her quickly.

"Where should we go?!" Fleur yelled at the top of her lungs.

"Anywhere but here!" Derpy replied, panic apparent in her shaky voice.

They ran about franticly, the creature on their tails. They quickly turned in two directions, hoping to confuse the creature. It paused for a brief moment before chasing after Derpy, as she was slower then Fleur.

"OhmigoodnessOhmigoodnessOhmigoodnessOhmigoodnessOhmigoodness" She kept repeating to herself, tears streaming down her cheeks.

It moved in closer and snapped at her tail, a chunk of it being forcefully ripped off. She cried in pain before a wave of adrenaline hit her, causing her to run faster. She caught sight of Fleur, who was looking around for her new friend. Fleur looked at her and motioned her to move closer, as she began to run as well.

"Can't you teleport us out?!" Derpy yelled.

"No! I'm not that good at magic, and it takes a lot of concentration for me to do that! I can't concentrate while running!"

The Timberwolf closed in on them, and Fleur resorted to her last plea.

"SOMEPONY PLEASE HELP US!!!" She cried, a large beam of energy firing from her horn. It created a bright beacon, which temporarily blinded the wolf.

They pulled ahead as the timberwolf tried to regain his sight. They soon came to a dead end.

The wolf crawled slowly up to them as they pressed their backs to the stone wall that blocked their way. They closed their eyes and prepared for the worst.

Their eyes shot open when a bright blue light shone throughout the area. A large figure stood in front of the wolf and belted loudly.

"THOU SHALT NOT HURT OUR SUBJECTS! BE GONE FOUL BEAST!" The figure crouched and fired a beam of energy at it, causing it to whimper loudly and run away.

The light faded and the figure became clear. She had a dark blue coat and a flowing starry mane. Her head bore a large horn and she had two large wings resting at her sides. Her flank was spotted with black and had the small picture of a crescent moon.

"Princess Luna?!" The pair exclaimed.

"Why hello, Fleur de Lis and Derpy Hooves. Why dost thou wander these woods at such a dangerous time of night?" She replied with a concerned look.

"Well we..." Fleur began, blushing from embarrassment.

"We got lost..." Derpy finished.

Luna smiled softly. She lifted a small package in her blue magic and floated it over to Derpy. "We assume this is yours?"

Derpy jumped back, "O-oh my package! Thank you thank you!" She smiled and grasped the package tightly, her wings trying to flap from excitement, only for her wing to ache again. "Owwwwww..." She groaned.

"Hm..." Luna's smile fell. "Ist thou hurt?"

Fleur rubbed the back of her head with a hoof, "Well... She crashed and-"

Luna nodded sympathetically. "Say no more. We shall take thy to the castle and heal your wounds."

She motioned for them to follow her, and after a moment of uncertainty, they followed the night princess out of the forest.

Derpy let out a relived sigh. Her wing was now bandaged up, and she had some bandages on her more severe cuts. Fleur sat next to her, a blanket wrapped around her body. They sat in silence.

Fleur spoke up first, "So about our deal-" She began.

"It's okay, Fleur, you don't need to pay me. I didn't get us out of the forest, Luna did." Derpy cut her off.

"No no! You didn't let me finish. I would still love to help you, and meet your daughter."

"You don't have to really!"

"No no I insist."

Fleur smiled and patted Derpy lightly. There silence was broken by the sound of a door creaking open.

The regal form of Princess Celestia glided into the room, her wings expanded, making her seem more regal and large.

The two ponies jumped up and bowed instinctually.

Celestia giggled, "Such formalities are not needed now, my little ponies." She smiled and folded her wings. "I was told Twilight had sent you to deliver a package to me during Spikes absence?"

Derpy perked up and nodded, she ran across the room and grabbed the small brown package that she had swore to protect. "Here Princess!" She said with a small bow.

Celestia curiously opened the package and grabbed the contents. She chuckled at the objects inside and closed the box. She carefully picked up the package in her golden magic before setting it down on a small table.

"Oh Twilight..." She said with a laugh.

"Wh-what's wrong?"

"How important did she say this package was?" Celestia replied, still grinning ear to ear and stifling a laugh.

Derpy frowned, "Very VERY important! She said it was impara- Impara- Important to get it to you!"

Celestia couldn't hold back her laughter, she put a hoof over her mouth and laughed hysterically.

"It seems Twilight was exaggerating the importance of this delivery..." Celestia said through her laughter.

"Oh? What was in it?" Derpy replied, confused.

Celestia chuckled again and wiped away some tears.

"Her over-due library books."

Derpy collapsed.

Author's Note

Please only put CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Just hate will be deleted.