You move me like alligators with no teeth
Turtles and Alphabet Soup
Monotone was a socially awkward pony. Common sense always seemed to go out the window whenever he needed it the most. As a result, his path to making rational decisions and having normal behavior seemed like a long winding road. Now, when he spotted a beautiful mare sitting across from him in his creative writing class he started blushing heavily. All he knew was that he wanted to start a conversation with this mare. But, how?
He leans in her direction. “Do you think turtles should have equal rights?” There it was. The alphabet-soup like pointless analytical question that he was trying to avoid asking. Now hopefully it doesn’t scare this one off.
The mare seemed to be bouncing out of her seat as she turned back to face him. “I’m sorry what did you say? Something about tadpoles? I’m Tragic Focus by the way.”
Tragic focus was magenta colored with a short cut brown mane. Awfully short by a mare’s standards, but Monotone thought it was kind of cute.
“I’m Monotone.” He said with an expressionless face. Come on, have some emotion! Passion! He thought. “I’m the most robust pony you’ll ever meet.” He said firmly with an awkward crooked smile. Really? That’s the adjective. Robust? Might as well be a pack mule. Self-defeating thoughts like these raced through his head as he realized he might be screwing up his only chance with this mare.
Instead, the mare laughed. She thought he was kind of funny. Robust? Interesting choice of a word. This brown-gray pony with a messy blue mane and geeky glasses who was hard to distinguish from a mare was talking himself up like he was some kind of robust stallion? She liked that he had confidence. Although confidence can be misleading. “Well that’s interesting. I think the word you’re looking for is… Naïve.”
Monotone laughed nervously. “Well, maybe I’m naïve, but you’re beautiful.”
Tragic Focus blushed. “Do you really mean that?”
“Of course.” He smiled heavily at her and his anxiety about the situation seemed to leave with it.
The school bell rang and we sat quietly in our seats waiting for our teacher. Ms. Attention Deficient to start our lesson. “Okay.” She said. “Your next lesson is to write a poem about what moves you.”
Monotone was wondering, what moves him exactly? He was never before moved to say that a mare was beautiful. His internal anxiety-driven filters always stopped him from saying all that he wanted to say. But this time he was moved, compelled, to say something to this mare. He knows what moves him.
He wrote,
You move me
You move me like all of the times I failed miserably
And when I finally manage to do something right.
You move me like the Wonderbolts
You move me like perfect harmony
You move me like frosting
You move me like enchanting music
You move me like love, as far as I know
You move me like running with the leaves
You move me like the sheer beauty of spring
You move me like alligators with no teeth
You move me like the perfect ending of a good book
You move me
You move me like alligators with no teeth
The Last Thing Anypony Needs
Soon after Monotone finished his poem, Tragic Focus was still writing hers. Monotone stretched over discreetly to get a peek but Tragic Focus quickly covered her paper. "Ahem. Do you mind?" Tragic Focus said, looking back at Monotone irritated. "I'm sorry, ma'am." Monotone said quietly moving back to his seat, feeling a little self-defeated. He's not a snoop pony but curiosity seemed to get the better of him that time.
Ms. Attention Deficient seemed to be writhing in anticipation as she asked a few times if everyone was done with their poems. Everypony said yes all those times, except Tragic Focus who always screamed no. Eraser shavings seemed to fly off of her paper at the speed of light. She was breathing hard, sweating and shaking. Writing, and erasing. She felt like she could never form the right words to describe things, seemingly the same problem as Monotone. She had pictures in her head that she couldn't form the perfect words for. Insecurities like self-doubt and perfectionism were prohibiting her from finishing her poem in time.
Eventually, the teacher lost her patience and collected the assignment from everybody, looking at Tragic Focus she sighed. "You can finish at home and bring it next class if you like."
Tragic Focus looked up at the teacher a bit teary eyed and smiled. "Thank you." She said.
Monotone felt compassion as he leaned over to her again. "I'm always available if you need help, okay?" He blushed very noticeably as he brought himself to look into her eyes for a second. "Do you want to go to Cake's and discuss our thoughts after school?" Discuss our thoughts? Monotone thought. Oh, Celestia I did it again.
Tragic Focus chuckled a little bit as she cheered up. "Well, I have a little problem with sugar." She said. "And really it's the last thing anypony needs."
Monotone waved his hoof in the air nervously. "We don't have to eat then."
Tragic Focus pondered the offer for a few seconds and nodded.
Monotone smiled through the rest of class, writing in his notebook. I would walk to the ends of Equestria to get to know this pony. And in that way, she moves me.
After school ended Monotone ran to greet her and surely enough, she was there waiting for him as well. They walked and smiled and talked, occasionally stumbling along the way. Monotone proposed a philosophical discussion about sugar and it's chemical properties, while Tragic Focus listened, getting a bit lost on the terms but finding his use of big words humorous. Monotone finally got to the bottom of her strange issues with sugar by asking:
"In a hypothetical sense, what would happen if you ate some cake?"
Entering Mr. and Mrs. Cake's Tragic Focus answered. "It would make me hyper."
Monotone laughed. "Well that's the same for most ponies, but the trick with that is carrot cake. See, the beta caratine..."
And that's about when Tragic Focus stopped listening and focused on Monotone's eyes and facial features, only nodding affirmatively after he seemed to have finished a sentence. Before Monotone could finish the next, Tragic Focus pressed her lips against Monotone's as Monotone's eyes remained open in suspense. Tragic Focus blushed as she finally pulled away.
Monotone paused and said. "So, carrot cake then?"
Tragic Focus smiled "I would like that."
Monotone started to order the cake, he stuttered a little bit as he kept thinking about their lips touching again. After it was brought to a table, before Monotone or Tragic Focus could start eating it, a certain toothless alligator hopped out and splattered cake all over their faces.
"Gummy!" Pinkie Pie gasped. "Now you'll have to take a bath all over again." She turned to the frosting covered friends. "I'm so sorry guys, Gummy really likes carrot cake." They all laughed.
