Naruto vs Tirek

by sniggles

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Random, Crossover, Alternate Universe, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 1760

How will the greatest ninja face off against a power-hungry centaur?

Naruto and Tirek: Two god-like entities that can change landscapes with their techniques. A battle between the two would be disastrous, for sure. With dire consequences, but necessary: Tirek had just defeated Twilight in this alternate universe, and now it is up to Naruto to save Equestria. Hopefully, this fight will be over quickly since Naruto is the type of ninja who hates talking and having flashbacks at the most inappropriate of times, am I right?

Published 2014-11-05 04:10:08 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-05 04:10:08 UTC

A sad and sorrowful plot

Twilight was on the last leg of her power; she was going to die, then and there, with Tirek smirking down at her, his right hand open, ready to grasp Twilight's helpless body and eat her magic out. Twilight's body wasn't ready at all; her horn was flaccid and hanging, with the magic remaining at an all time low. This time would be the first she would be violated by a centaur.

"Wow... you blew all of your magical load in 2 minutes. I'm thoroughly disappointed," said Tirek, licking his lips as he eyed the tiny specimen before him. He grabbed Twilight firmly, her body as tiny as an ant to Tirek. Which was all the more exciting for him; he was going to enjoy what was going to follow thoroughly. His long, wet tongue thirstily shot towards Twilight, longing for more even after sucking on Twilight's five friends and even Discord.

Twilight's mind was racing, and was desperately looking for a way out of this. Her heart thumped wildly as she willed all of the remaining power in every cell of her body into her horn. Her horn grew erect and started spurting out hot, thick liquid rainbow juice, and all of a sudden the whole forested landscape around them flashed a bright white. Tirek was momentarily blinded and let go of Twilight, recoiling a few steps back as the blinding lights still went on.

"What..." mumbled Tirek as he saw something spectacular: the force of that blinding light was enough to flatten many of the trees. And in the centre of the blast was... a golden, humanoid form. It had black markings all around it and had a flowing, yellow cloak. It had a crown of spiky golden hair with deep blue eyes. It was... an actual human boy.

"What the hell am I doing here?" he asked, scratching his bum. Twilight and Tirek watched the mysterious boy; Tirek could sense a heavy cloud of magic hanging over him, and was immediately intrigued. He wanted to pick him up and devour his impressive size of magic in a single gulp! He strode over to him, palms outstretched to pick the boy up; apparently, he was still unaware of Tirek's presence, which delighted the centaur very much since he loved surprising his victims.

"Huh? Kurama? Centaur? Where? You stupid fox, you're just shitting me-ttebayo," said the boy, and Tirek shook his head. No way on Equestria could there be something this block-headed.

"Boy! I'm here!" cried Tirek, and the human finally noticed Tirek. By then, he was already in Tirek's grasp.

"Talking to yourself, eh?" Tirek continued, smirking, "What a lonely, crazed individual."

"Wh--what...?" said the boy, and he looked down at the ground. Tirek raised an eyebrow.

"Did I hurt your feelings?" Tirek snivelled. The boy shook his head. Tirek shrugged.

"Okay then. Now, on to busine--"

"I know what it means to be alone," said the boy. "I'm Naruto-ttebayo. This is my story."

Suddenly, the world around Tirek changed.

"Hey leave that kid alone!"

"Yeah, he's weird."

"Haha, what a loser!"

Naruto, in his youth, was hanging on a swing set, looking at the ground. He was truly alone. This loneliness led him to perform childish antics like painting all over monuments and important buildings in the Hidden Leaf Village, Konoha. But the attention that he got was largely negative, with people ignoring him and every girl he talked to friendzoning him (problem still persisted until today). But this was all before he met Iruka-sensei.

Ichiraku Ramen was where the two would meet. They'd have their ramen there, and Naruto would down several bowls of it at once, even at the tender young age of 15. Iruka would laugh at his appetite, and was the only listening ear to him in the village where everyone seemed to hate him. One day, Naruto stole a scroll which allowed him to use the shadow clone technique. In retrieving it, a creepy Konoha ninja whose name nobody seems to remember aimed a large black shuriken for Naruto, instead hitting Iruka who rushed between Naruto and the shuriken, saving Naruto's life. Naruto cried many sorrowful tears at how Iruka was such a nice guy, wondering why he was still single. Naruto then proceeded to use his shadow clone technique to beat up that shuriken guy. Naruto was then promoted to genin status in the Ninja Academy, never forgetting Iruka's smile.

"...What was that?" asked Tirek as the cinematic ended.

"It was a flashback-ttebayo," said Naruto, his eyes blazing. "I need to show my enemies a flashback-ttebayo before I beat them up-ttebayo."

"W-what?!" cried Tirek, shocked at Naruto's cockiness. His tongue escaped his mouth, proceeding to go for Naruto's magic.

"Lasengan!" cried Naruto as a ball of energy appeared in his hand. It was of a colossal size, easily about two times the size of Tirek's head. Tirek just smiled and ate the ball, absorbing its magic.

"I am Tirek, devourer of spells," the centaur said, giving a triumphant smirk. Naruto raised an eyebrow. "I will consume all of the magic Equestria has to offer!"

"You're... like my friend. So ambitious, wanting to do so many things on his own... for power..." said Naruto. "...-ttebayo."

"AW COME ON!" cried Tirek as he was warped into another flashback.

"Usuratonkachi," said Sasuke Uchiha, the rival of Naruto Uzumaki. They were fighting each other at a waterfall area with two statues overlooking their fight.

"Why, Sasuke... Why?!" cried Naruto, his body cloaked in a red, liquid like cover. His hand had a ball of blue energy. "Come back to Konoha, or I'll beat you till you can't move then drag you back to Konoha!!"

"I can't. I need to kill my brother!" Sasuke cried, his normally black hair having a greyish-blue colour. His hands wielded a manifestation of lightning accumulated at a single point.

"So be it!" cried Naruto. He lunged towards Sasuke, his eyes red and his pupils slitted, filled with rage and anger.

"Narutoooo!!!" yelled Sasuke, as he lunged at Naruto as well.

"Sasuke!!!" responded Naruto, their hands meeting.

"DATTEBAYO!!!!" cried Naruto for extra measure as an explosion ensued.

Just when Tirek thought that the flashback was over, Naruto gave a great cry, warping their current world into another. Tirek groaned as a flashback within a flashback ensued.

"..."

Naruto was squatting on a tabletop, squinting at his rival Sasuke Uchiha, who was glaring back with a venomous look. Suddenly, someone in front of them leaned back, pushing Naruto and making him collide with Sasuke, lips first. Many girls in the class were mad that Naruto stole Sasuke's first kiss., and proceeded to euthanise Naruto, or at least come close to that.

At the end of the day, Naruto had to tell someone his opinions, but couldn't tell anyone. So thus, he created a shadow clone when he was at home.

"Hey, me. You know what happened today, me kissing Sasuke?"

"Yeah, it was totally weird."

"Honestly, I... kinda enjoyed it. My rival can't be this cute!"

"ALRIGHT, STOP IT!" cried Tirek, releasing a burst of energy and finally dissipating the flashback.

"Aww, come on! Flashbacks are a great way to recap my life story! I mean, aren't you even interested in all of the stuff that happened in my really interesting past?!" screamed Naruto. And just like every other person who has gone through the several flashbacks and arcs of Naruto, Tirek sighed.

"No," said Tirek. Naruto frowned.

"I'm going to have to destroy you then. And I never go back on my word-ttebayo!" cried Naruto.

"I agree," said Morpheus, from the Matrix movies. Naruto gave him a thumbs up while Tirek just sat there, slack-jawed boogie-eyed. "We should have gone deeper. A flashback within a flashback within a flashback sounds like something Neo would do."

"ENOUGH!" yelled Tirek, as his tongue reached out to suck Naruto dry. However, Naruto poofed into a cloud of smoke, confusing the colossal centaur. Then, he heard a whirring sound behind him.

"LASENSHURIKEN!!" cried Naruto as he placed a large bomb of magic in the shape of a shuriken onto Tirek's back, sending the centaur into a vortex of whirling, sharp energy. This sent Tirek and Naruto into a large cloud of dust and smoke.

Once it all cleared, Tirek was on the ground, seemingly defeated. Naruto smiled.

"You see, I had it all planned from the start. You just grabbed a shadow clone, and I was charging up a rasenshuriken behind your back. Sneaky, aren't I? I never go back on my word! That's my Ninja Way™," said Naruto.

"Sounds... like... bad manga writing..." groaned Tirek.

"Bad... writing? Reminds me of ero-sennin, or Jiraiya. Darn, I miss him so much. Want to know of our cherished memories we spent together?" said Naruto. Tirek's eyes widened in fear.

"NO!!! Here, take my magic, all of it, I'll send it back to Equestrians, JUST DON'T PUT ME INTO ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE NIGHTMARES!" cried Tirek. Naruto sighed, but with a smile.

"Talk No Jutsu, a success," said Naruto, taking out a checklist. Below the name 'Nagato' and above the name 'Zabuza Momochi' Naruto crossed out the name 'Random power-hungry being from another world'. Naruto then woke Twilight up, as her magic was slowly being restored to her.

"Hey, little pony thing. Can you send me back to my world-ttebayo?" said Naruto. Glancing at Twilight, Naruto suddenly blushed; she was pretty attractive.

"Sure, mister..."

"Naruto."

"Oh! I'm sure we'll be great friends!" said Twilight cheerfully. Naruto was thinking of staying in Equestria for a while, but upon hearing that response, he groaned deeply.

"Friendzoned again!" sobbed Naruto as he was sent back to the ninja world, in tears over how every female in his life has to go for village-leaving douchebags like Sasuke.

THE END

Author's Note

Today I learned that Naruto has a technique worse than the Tsukuyomi: The flashback no jutsu.

This piece of fiction is by no means a harsh criticism of Naruto and its plot lines. Sure, it does have its flaws but nothing's perfect. I've loved Naruto for years, ever since maybe 2009 or so. It was an integral part of my childhood, and its influence was so great that I've met several nerds in my lifetime mimicking the jutsu, even regrettably encountering an autistic guy who fucking chidori'd me by jabbing me in the stomach.

Anyway. Naruto is ending in a few days, any thoughts on that?