Dear Twilight Sparkle,

by DarthVendar

Rating: everyone
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 3813

Twilight a curious young filly decides to send a letter to the city of Salt Lick. Where It is received by a rather boring stallion, the two quickly become Pen pals, and friends.

Out of curiosity, a young Twilight Sparkle decides she wants to learn more about the city of Salt Lick and thus sends a letter to a random pony in there.
RollsRoyce is a rather boring stallion with an intellectual disability, everyday is exactly the same, and he is perfectly fine with that. One day a young filly sends him a letter that flips his world upside down. However she may very well be the best thing for him, and a beautiful friendship flourishes, all due to three words. Dear Twilight Sparkle.

Based on the movie: 'Mary and Max' which I highly recommend seeing.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-12 23:35:27 UTC

Curiosity

Twilight Sparkle a little purple unicorn filly, that was destined for greatness, sat in the waiting room of the Canterlot post office. Her parents were busy sending a bunch of letters, mainly apologies and bills for accidents she had caused. As a very bright young filly she tried to look around the waiting room and find something interesting. Unfortunately the waiting room was so dull and boring, with plain white walls, and plain old wood floors. The only thing that was interesting to think about was, why were the chairs so uncomfortable? Were they specifically designed so that ponies wouldn't sit in them all day and hurry to get their post office tasks done? But who would actually lounge about a post office and make such a need for uncomfortable chairs? It made no sense whatsoever.

Twilight became so desperate for anything to take her mind off the boring room that she walked over to a stack of address books and looked through them. A majority of the books were for Canterlot but just different editions from each year. Although it could have been interesting to compare the oldest edition to the newest one, the books were in such a sorry state that many of the older ones didn't even look like booms anymore. It saddened the little filly to see any book in such bad care, but she knew that there was probably nothing she could do. Twilight gave a moment of silent mourning for the books that could never be read again, and started looking at the cover pictures for the address books of other cities. She knew that the contents of the books would be boring and useless to her, but at least the pictures were interesting. One had the big blocky skyline of Manehatten, another showed the splendor of Las Pegus, but one just left her confused. It was a new book that thankfully hadn't been vandalized, but it also seemed to have never been opened. It was for a city called Salt Lick and on the front it had a picture of a beautiful large church, but unlike the churches she had seen this one didn't have the sun symbol of the Solestian church. Twilight was so confused by this that she walked over to the counter to talk to the mail clerk. The mail clerk in question was a tan earth pony with a black mane, who really hated his monotonous job. "Excuse me Mr. Mail pony. Can you tell me any thing about this place? Like why doesn't the church have Celestia's sun on it?"

The clerk out of boredom decided to help the little filly but the moment he saw the book, he could not hide his sneer. "That, little filly, is Salt Lick City and the reason there is no sun on it is because that city doesn't pray to Celestia. The ponies, if you can call them that, of that city pray to Nightmare Moon." Twilight gasped at such a crazy idea and nearly dropped the book. The clerk didn't notice and kept on talking. "I hear that the unicorns there have goat horns, and that they eat the foals of ponies that aren't Lunarmons. I do hope that you don't have family living there." Twilight shook her head quickly knowing that none of her family lived in such a strange and evil place. "Good. Now you best put that away." With that the clerk folded his front hooves and watched the little filly scurry back to the waiting room.

Despite the clerk's answer even more questions filled young Twilight's mind. Was everything the mail pony had said true? Was there even more odd and strange things about the Ponies of Salt Lick that he hadn't mentioned? For all Twilight knew the Lunarmons of Salt Lick sounded so strange and backwards that she wondered if the Dads got pregnant there instead of the moms. Twilight realized that she would really find out what it was like there was to ask a pony of Salt Lick. She quickly opened the book to a random page and looked for an interesting name to pick. She found a Mr. R. Royce. Who livid at apartment 328 in Mountain View Tower who seemed interesting as both parts of his name began with 'R'. She quickly wrote the name and address down on a peice of scratch paper, just in time for her parents to finish mailing letters and come get her.

Twilight spent the whole night writing on some pieces of scrap paper, until she thought her letter was perfect. In the morning when her parents weren't paying attention she stole a few stamps and an envelope. She addressed it like her parents had shown her, and hoped that four stamps would be enough. She placed her letter in her mailbox and as she wished it good luck, she wondered just how long it would take for her letter to get to Salt Lick.

Three days, two hours, eleven minutes, later. Apartment #328, Mountain View Tower, Salt Lick City, Equestria.

A tall thin white unicorn stallion, with light blue eyes, and a blonde mane, with a bushy beard, named Rolls Royce. He was sitting on his couch, and was dreading what was coming. Not only was it mail day Monday, but his fish Henry had died. This created problems in triplicate, first the lack of Henry created a hole in Rolls Royce's life that could only be filled when he went out and got Henry the fifteenth. Second he now had to decide whether to give Henry the fourteenth a proper funeral down the toilet, or to get prepared to go outside to get the mail. Finally he had lost his nose plugs, which would make going outside very difficult.

Rolls Royce rocked himself as he felt the oncoming panic attack. Rocking always helped calm him down, it worked best when he was in a corner, where he could thump his head against a wall a bit if the source of his anxiety was himself. Rolls Royce calmed himself down and decided to take care of Henry first.

He carried the small fish bowl with dead Henry and poured all of the bowl's contents down the toilet as he flushed. Suddenly he felt somthing, a twing in his chest. Like he had been pinched in the heart, but with sadness. Royce rushed to the bathroom mirror and squeezed his eyes shut, but it was to no avail. He had not cried when his parents had died days apart, he had not cried when his brother had died, he had not cried when Henry the first through the fourteenth had died, and he certainly was not going to cry today. He sighed and opened up the medicine cabinet where he grabbed his daily doses of medication in his magic. 40 mg of Adderal to help him focus, and 40 mg of a anti-anxiety medication he couldn't pronounce. He walked back to his kitchen, and poured himself a glass of chocolate milk. In a blink of an eye he placed the pills into his mouth and washed them down with the chocolate milk. RollsRoyce had no friends, no job, and rarely smiled. However despite the fact that he lived in a single room apartment, slept in a small bed, had two broken televisions, had a small fridge, and an air-conditioning unit that sounded like a creature made of hammers had been angered, he was content.

Rolls Royce sighed and grabbed a hoodie, a pair of sweat pants, and his ear plugs. As soon as he was dressed he buried his nose into his sweatshirt and walked outside his apartment. To him the world was too loud, smelled far too toxic, and was filled with crazy ponies. He stepped into his apartment's elevator and counted down from thirty two. As soon as he hit zero the elevator doors opened leading out to the lobby. And the dreaded twenty steps between the front door and the mailboxes. As soon as he opened the front door he was bombarded by the smells of smoke and toxic exhaust that every major city is filled with. He gaged and swore he felt his asthma start to affect him. He quickly walked over to his mail box, trying to not draw attention to himself, and hoped he wouldn't run into any unsightly characters while he was out. Quick as a flash he grabbed his mail and ran back to his apartment.

After a few minutes of rest to let his lungs calm down he got to work on his mail, sorting out the junk mail to be shredded, and bills. That is until he found a letter that fitted into neither category. It was a plain white envelope with a return address in Canterlot. At first he thought it was a mistake, but it was clearly marked to him. Curious as to what could possibly have been sent to him, he opened the envelope, and read the letter within.

Dear Mr. R. Royce,

My name is Twilight Sparkle, and I am a filly living in Canterlot. I found out about Salt Lick City today and I have some questions about it. I decided to ask you since your name sounded funny. Why is it so strange? Is it true that ponies in Salt lick pray to Nightmare moon, and that they have goat horns and eat foals? Where do foals come from where you live, do they come from the daddy's belly? Where I come from they come from a mommy's belly when a mom and a dad love each other very much.

Please respond as soon as possible,

Sincerely,

Twilight Sparkle

P.S do you know any spells that can keep me from catching on fire?

P.S.S Have you ever had trouble controlling your magic?

P.S.S.S Can you use magic?

He lasted a grand total of thirty seconds before he was off in his favorite corner rocking on his flank. Something new had just come into his life and disturbed the order he was used to. New things were rarely ever good, and he had learned that the hard way. He didn't know how to respond to the little filly. He didn't know if he wanted to respond to the filly. He just knew that he was going to need lots of chocolate covered cheese cubes.

The Reply

After four hours and nearly a brick of cheddar and chocolate had disappeared down his mouth, Rolls Royce finally calmed down enough to think. After an additional eight hours spent staring out a window he finally decided what to do. He took a deep breath, and with his magic he began to type. Royce had terrible penmanship and was not afraid to admit, so instead of writing he typed on a typewriter. He had to use his magic to actually write anything in a decent amount of time, but once he got going there was no stopping him. He actually found the process therapeutic and relaxing, maybe he should write a story one day. He stopped for a moment in thought before he shook his head and brought himself out of his tangent.

Clicktyclickityclickclikclack. Ding! Clicktyclickityclickclickclik. Ding!

After an hour of typing he finally pulled his letter out. He skimmed over what he had typed to make sure he hadn't made any significant spelling mistakes, addressed the letter, and found his nose plugs. He then ran out to the postal box and sent his reply, hoping that he would never have to deal with a little filly named Twilight again.

Twilight stared out the front window of her house. In three hours she was going to take the biggest test of her life. The entrance exam to Celestia's school, and Twilight had swapped between excitement and terror many, many times currently she was on terror. There was no doubt in her mind that she would fail, sure she had an amazing magical ability, but what use was that when she would set herself on fire, or turn whatever she was levitating into a potted plant. She pressed her muzzle against the window, closed her eyes, and sighed. Suddenly there was an unmistakable sound that brought Twilight's ears to attention and her eyes wide open. The mail box had just been opened. The Mail mare froze mid delivery and stared back at Twilight startled by the filly's rapid motion. The made gave an awkward wave and left as fast as she could. By the time the mail mare's dust cloud had dissipated Twilight was at her mailbox staring at the formal looking letter addressed to her. She ran to her room, and ripped the envelope apart. Slowly she unfolded the envelope's precious cargo, and read.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

My name is Rolls Royce. Although I have never been to Canterlot I do have a cousin who lives there. I am glad that you have taken an interest in the city that I live in, although I am sorry that you have heard such terrible rumors. I hope I can clear everything up as I answer your questions.

I do not know why my name sounds so funny. It sounds perfectly fine to me.

It is not true that all ponies in Salt Lick City pray to Nightmare Moon. This is a big misunderstanding between the Lunarmons and the Celestians. I should know as I was a former Lunarmon but I am now an atheist. The big misunderstanding comes from the fact that the Lunarmons pray to both Celestia and Luna, but they do not pray to Nightmare Moon. The Lunarmons formed as a religion from before Nightmare Moon's banishment, and just didn't stop praying to Luna after. They believe that there is still some good left in Nightmare and that she can be saved.

Ponies in Salt Lick do not have goat horns. I have a perfectly straight horn on my head as proof.

Some ponies do eat foals, but they are few and are sent to jail for a very long time.

Foals come from the same place here as they do there but with a few more details your parents will tell you about later.

Now the best solution for preventing yourself from catching on fire, is a bucket of water. Unless of course the reason for your fire is because you have trouble controling your magic. The best thing I can suggest if that is the case is that you stop focusing on everything going on around you. Instead focus on what you are trying to do. When I had to clean my room as a foal, after my brother messed it up, I would feel like it would be impossible. However my mother would have me focus on one peice at a time, and suddenly before I knew it my room would be clean. So all you have to do is focus on each part of the spell you are doing and it should become much easier. But above all else Twilight remember that you will mess up. Nopony expects you to be perfect, and it is alright to fail, just remember to give everything you got.

I hope this helps.

Sincerely

Rolls Royce.

Friendship?

Several months passed since Rolls received the letter from Twilight and his life had returned to normal stability. If he had listened to the news, or read the newspaper, he would have learned about recent repairs to a particular tower in Canterlot, and that a few zealous groups had popped up in Salt Lick City. Those zealots in particular where causing all sorts of trouble claiming that the "True Goddess" would return in eight years time. However, RollsRoyce did not read the newspaper or listen to the news as he found it completely useless. Many of the stories written in the paper, or talked on the news claimed that terrible things were going to happen, like new laws, but in the end nothing really changed. His day went about exactly the same, the nobles passed the same laws that didn't really do anything, and his therapist, Dr. Rorschach, told him that he needed to exercise.

RollsRoyce's body on the other hoof, had a different opinion as he wheezed with each breath into his asthmatic lungs. The elevator had broken that day and even though his apartment was only on the third floor he still was out of breath as he walked the final steps to bring his mail back home. He had never been very athletic, he could walk 10 miles, do well over a hundred push ups and carry well over his own weight on his back. However he would be coughing and wheezing if he ran more then twenty yards. It didn't make much sense to him either.

RollsRoyce entered a sort of auto pilot, as he entered his apartment, placed his mail on the kitchen table, shut and locked his door and poured himself another glass of chocolate milk without thinking. In fact he realized mid pour that he wasn't actually thirsty.

Anyways, he chugged down the chocolate milk quickly, and sorted out his mail. Today he had received a flier that advertised a party in a few days with the main attractions, being free pizza, and  somepony named DJ-P0N3. He also received a Hospital bill for his dead brother, a formal letter with the royal seal on it, and his monthly dividends from investing his inheritance. He quickly pulled out the dividend check of a thousand bits , shredded the bill for a pony that couldn't pay, and placed the flier on his fridge. (If he was quick he could have a free meal and get home before things got chaotic.) He started to plan a trip to the bank when he realized there was a letter that he had not dealt with yet. He slowly aproached the royal letter not sure of what was going on. Had his cousin written to him, and if he had then why? He carefully broke the seal and read the letter's contents.

Dear Rolls Royce,

I'm sorry I haven't written to you for a while, but so much has happened recently that I forgot to write. Firstly thank you so much for your suggestion for dealing with my magic. It helped so much when I was taking an entrance exam to get into Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. I had to use my magic to make a dragon egg hatch. At first nothing happened, but then i did exactly what you told me to do and the egg hatched and the dragon grew so huge he broke the ceiling. I also may have turned my parents into petunias. Anyways, Celestia changed my parents back, shrunk the dragon back down to size, gave the baby dragon to me to be my best assistant, and made me her apprentice. Now I live up at the palace and it's amazing. And I w want to thank you for helping me get here.

So... Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!!!! !!!

Anyways I know you only answered my questions about Salt Lick, but I would like to be your friend. I'm going to tell more about myself now, and if you want to be friends as well you can write me back and tell me about yourself. After all friends should know a lot about each other, even if they are far away from each other.

Well as I told you before my name is Twilight Sparkle. I am ten years old, I am a unicorn filly, I have a light purple coat, a dark purple mane and tale with except for a couple locks of hair that are light purple and pink. I have included in this letter a picture I drew of myself, I'm not very good with legs, but I'm great with drawing hair. I have a mom, a dad, and a best big brother. My mom has a white coat and light purple mane, she used to be a librarian bit now she is a writer, but doesn't actually write much. My dad has a blue coat and a dark blue mane. He used to be part of the royal guard but now he is retired. My best big brother is has a white coat, and a blue and white mane. I used to see him all the time, but ever since he joined the guard I barely get to see him. I have included a drawing of my family in the letter as well. I also have a best assistant baby dragon as well, named spike. He has green spines on his head, back and tail, purple scales that cover his body, and a tan belly.

My favorite thing to do is to read. I love books, all books and every book. Whenever I have free time from studying and my lessons with Celestia I like to sit in the royal archive, and read. Do you have a favorite book?

Mine is a storybook Celestia reads to me about the Elements of Harmony.

That's all I can think of about myself right now. I hope that we can be friends.

Sincerely,

Twilight Sparkle.

P.S Do you have any favorite foods. Mine are flower salads, and chocolate.

P.S.S from now on you should send the letters to the palace

P.S.S.S Do you have a brother?

RollsRoyce let the letter fall to the floor. He slowly walked over to his corner and rocked himself feeling overwhelmed with questions and emotions. The main question that bothered him the most was whether or not he actually wanted a friend. He was so confused and devided that after twenty two hours, a gallon of chocolate milk and three blocks of cheese he decided to go see his therapist.

He got dressed, as he always felt to exposed whenever he went outside without anything, and walked into the building's elevator. Royce new what he was going to dodo and pictured it in his head. Wait 30 seconds for the elevator's slow descent, turn right after exiting the building, walk three blocks, and then take a left and walk an additional 7 blocks to DR. Rorschach's office. However the elevator had decided to do things differently that day as the elevator cable snapped and sent the whole thing plummeting to the ground.