Short Stories Are Piss

by Shmiam

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Romance, Comedy, Crossover, Random, Dark
Length: 1032

It's a series of short stories revolving around jack shit.

Applejack gets a sword and all goes wrong. Ponies die, make love, and party.
It's a series of short stories revolving around jack shit.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-26 04:34:02 UTC

I Got Stabbed In The Hoof

Once upon a time, the end. Just kidding. That isn't actually the end! I bet you thought it was! Applejack opened her wardrobe in her attic and went to Narnia. Then she met Aslan the lion and she ate him. Mmmm, sounds yummy!

She walked out of Narnia and picked up her sword. She cut an apple in half and shoved it down Applebloom's throat. Then, she choked Applebloom. She picked up Applebloom's body and fed her to Granny Bacon.

Rainbow Dash flew in, grabbed Granny Bacon, flew her to a cliff, and threw he off. She landed in a pool of water and when she came up she saw she was in Minecraft. Granny cut down some trees and built a shelter to survive the night. She was starving but had no porkchops so she ate her leg. It was so bloody. So so bloody. I mean, like, really bloody. You know, cause this is a grimdark and all. Then, Granny went outside and used her bone as a fishing rod. She caught 4 fishies, wow! I wish I was that pro! She ate the tails of all the fish and then was ambushed by zombies and eaten. As is the cycle of life. And that's how Equestria was made bitches!

Then, a wild Pikachu appeared! Pinkie had to act quickly because the Pikachu was going to eat her Arcanine! How would he? He was soooo hungry! Pinkie commanded Arcanine to attack using cut! It was super effective at ripping Pikachu's stomach open! Arcanine began to eat Pikachu's intestines. Then, she ate his heart. Mmm, so good! Then, Pinkie Pie stuffed her pokemon into it's teeny tiny pokeball. She wanted to evolve Ninetails but she couldn't because she didn't have one! Oh Pinkie! You silly filly! So, she hate her damned Arcanine because it sucked. It was a very healthy choice snack. She felt full so she went to the little filly's room. She sat down and died. But, because of Obama Care, she didn't. The morale of this story is: pineapples will make trees grow out of your ass.

Twilight Sparkle was standing in the library being super derp when Rainbow Dash flew in. She jumped on Twilight and they had sex. Now it's a clopfic! Time to fap- er, nevermind. Then, Spike came downstairs and watched. Rarity walked in and sat next to Spike. Spike stuck his tail in Rarity's hoo-ha if ya know what I mean. They all made great love because those are the only ships I will tolerate. Then, they did a four-way. They really made Spike work extra hard. Hard. HARD. You know, Spike had something hard that night. His pet rock he found earlier that day. They finished having sex on the floor. Spike made them all so wet because he spilled his bucket of water on them. Then Rarity died. There, it's a grimdark again.

Then, Fluttershy gutted a squirrel and fed it's entrails to Angel because that's all Angel ever eats. Fluttershy then found Pinkie's body which had been stabbed 27 times by Donut Joe. She knew it was him because she watched him do it. Pinkie had blown his secret spy cover and had to be killed. Fluttershy died. Just kidding! Fluttershy fed Pinkie's body to Angel. Angel became a demonic bunny from hell. It hopped outside, burning Fluttershy's house as it went. It tracked down the two remaining Cutie Mark Crusaders and ate them. Then, Angel had sex with Big Mac. Not Big Macintosh, it had sex with a McDonalds Big mac Sandwich. Why? I don't really give a flying feather (Another way to say FUCK) why. Fluttershy walked into McDonalds and ordered the dollar menu value fries. Then, they made her into the fries. That fanfiction is called "Fries" (Fuck Cupcakes). The idea is, they sliced Fluttershy up, fried her, put her in the cute little box with the smile on it, said their food was healthy, dealed some drugs, and some kid ate her in their Happy Meal. She was sad that she ran out of condoms but that's life, ya know?

All of a sudden Sweetie Bell comes back to life! She goes around Ponyville singing about the biggest poop in the world or some shit. Then, she sees a random pedestrian walking. She goes up to him and they make love. Then she stabs him. The blood ran down the street and through the cracks. Then, it turned into a giant blood monster! Sweetie had to kill this thing because it was really dangerous! She didn't know how so she killed herself. Just kidding! She charges at the monster, stabbing every fleeing pedestrian in her way and when the blood from the strangers seeps towards the monster, he gets bigger! Then, she finally made it to the monster when she (Pause for dramatic effect...)

Had sex with it! It entered her and she felt like she was going to explode when she had the biggest period EVER! The blood shot out of her like a bullet, killing twelve. Story at eleven. (PS: She died)

At Rarity's funeral, everypony was so sad that the Wonderbolt's died. Rainbow Dash fucked them too hard. Nopony realized that Rarity began rising from her grave as a zombie! Oh emm gee! Climax! Then, Rarity moans a lot and starts dancing to Thriller (Micheal Jackson approves). Then, Spike makes love to undead Rarity. Isn't this supposed to be a grimdark? All of a sudden, every background character at the party (It's supposed to be a funeral) got sliced in half! Blood began to seep out of their bodies. The ground began to turn red there was so much fucking blood! Spike died. As you read that last part, he contracted aids from undead Rarity and he died. All of a sudden, Applejack comes in with her sword and cuts off Rarity's head. She feeds it to Rainbow Dash. Wait, she's dead. Well, now she's alive. She eats it. She dies. That sucks. Then, Applejack stabs Twilight in the hoof and then Twilight says "Ouch. I got stabbed in the hoof."

End The End Again Time