Who Wants a Pizza Roll?

by Protopony350

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy, Other, Crossover
Length: 1379

A monster of unimaginable horror comes to Equestria. He has come with one question....."Who wants a Pizza Roll?"

A man comes to Ponyville. A horrifying, awful, evil man. He has come with the purpose of delivering a dark and evil object, but he has arrived at the wrong destination.

Twilight Sparkle must face the evil of Mr.Plinkett, and the horror of the PIZZA ROLLS!

Crossover with RedletterMedia. Specifically the "Mr.Plinkett" character.

Published 2014-11-05 21:30:16 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-05 21:30:16 UTC

Who Wants a Pizza Roll?

The sky was lit up by a great white flash, and a large object fell to the ground.

A few miles away Twilight Sparkle was watching the skies for falling monsters when she saw  the object falling. Being Twilight Sparkle made it so she was unable to resist investigating the object. This would be the biggest mistake of her short life.

"H....hello?" Twilight reluctantly called out, for the object had fallen into the Everfree Forest you see.

"What? Who is that? What are you doing in my house?" Asked a strange but somehow appealing voice from the shadows.

"My name is Twilight Sparkle, are you okay? Do you need any help?" Asked the Pretty Purple Princess Pony.

"What are you, some kinda talking horse? Did I slip in the shower again? Must have been all that blood....." He replied.

"Um, well if you're okay, I think I'll be on my way." Twilight reallllly wanted to get away from the approaching voice.

"WAIT, I HAVE A PACKAGE TO DELIVER! Is this Pogyville Indiana?" Asked the still unseen figure.

"Sorry, but this is PONYVILLE." Answered the frightened Twilight.

The sound of buzzing overtook all other sounds, as an electric scooter emerged from the forest.

"You gotta be kidding me! I came all the way to another dimension, and I got the wrong address?"

Twilight looked in awe at the monster. Atop the scooter rode an absurdly large, and absurdly old man. This man was missing a leg, had on a disgustingly dirty white T-shirt, and smelled of death itself.

Twilight forced a nice big smile.

The man looked at the pony in shock.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR FACE?" He asked in horror

"MY face? What are you, some kind of potato monster or something?" Twilight wasn't trying to be mean, she really thought he was a potato monster

"Well anyways my name is Mr.Plinkett, and I've got these Pizza Rolls to deliver."

Twilight was completely mortified at the beast, but her curiosity got the better of her, and she approached him. This would be the biggest mistake of her short life.

"Um, well, I'm really not sure what a Pizza Roll even is." Said Twilight.

"Oh man are you serious? You've never had a Pizza Roll? You should go on my webzone and I'll send you some Pizza Rolls!" He said excitedly.

"What's a 'webzone'? She asked.

"Oh no it's worse than i thought! Get me to a kitchen right now!"

So Twilight, against all of her better judgement, led him back to town. This would be the biggest mistake of her short life.

Twilight and Mr.Plinkett entered the tree house.

"Oh man this is just like that one time with my wife, but she was in a car when she went into the tree, and she didn't so much go inside of the tree, but more violently crashed into the tree because someone cut her breaks." Said Mr.Plinkett.

"Oh my gosh! Was she alright?" Asked Twilight.

"No she exploded, and you can't prove nothin." He said as he rolled to the kitchen with the package full of Pizza Rolls.

Twilight was confused, but figured things just worked differently in his dimension.

"So, um, Plinkett, what did you need a kitchen for anyway?"

"I've gotta warm you up some of these here Pizza Rolls! You gotta try a Pizza Roll!" He said rather forcefully.

"I still have no idea what those are!" Twilight was getting a little irritated.

"I'm gonna show ya what they are if I could just find the microwave." He said.

"What's a 'microwave'?" Asking that question would be the biggest mistake of her short life.

"OH MAN YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! YOU GOT NO MICROWAVE? THAT DOES IT!" He threw the Pizza Rolls on the ground.

"W.....what are you doing?" Twilight asked in horror as he began to slowly roll toward her.

"IF YA CAN'T EVEN TRY PIZZA ROLLS I SHOULD JUST END YOUR SUFFERING NOW!"

"WAIT.....I.......I CAN COOK THEM WITH MY MAGIC!"

"Oh, okay. Boy you're going ta love Pizza Rolls."

Twilight lifted the Pizza Rolls into the air and began to heat them because I guess she can do that I don't know.

Twilight's horn made a "DING" sound.

"What was that?" She asked.

"Oh that means the Pizza Rolls are done."

Twilight was confused, but just went with it. She sat the pizza rolls on a table.

"Go ahead, ya don't want em ta get cold!" He said with a hideous smile.

Twilight reluctantly picked up one of the Pizza Rolls. She took a bite.

"AUUUUUUGH" She yelled as she spit the Pizza Roll onto the floor. This would be the biggest mistake of her short life.

"What's wrong? Was it too hot? Oh man last time I gotta Pizza Roll burn I got so angry I cut someone's breaks who was completely unrelated to my wife!"

"No....these are DISGUSTING!"

Mr.Plinkett backed up a little, and glared at the Poor Perturbed Pretty Purple Princess Pony.

"You.....YOU DON'T like PiZZZaaAAA ROLlOLLllLLS?" His voice became loud and disturbingly distorted.

"I......I'm sorry, but-" He cut her off.

"I'M GONNA GET YOU!" He yelled and right after that he pulled a large meat cleaver out of his pocket.

Twilight ran out of her house, and Plinkett was right behind her.

Twilight made it to the dark alley district of Ponyville.

"In hindsight, maybe I should have ran to a friends house." This would be the biggest mistake of her short life.

"Hey little Pony, you seen a purple princess around here?" Asked a voice from around the corner.

"No I'm sorr-" Said a pony as his head was cut clean off. "Oh boy I'm gonna get that Pony!"

Twilight held back a scream, and she started running.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

Twilight herd the buzzing of the electric scooter, and she started going faster.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

It was getting louder. She began to panic.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

He was right behind her! She ran into the first door she could find.

Twilight was in a dark empty house. She ran to the bathroom and locked the door.

"This is just like that time with my other ex wife! She ran into the bathroom, and I had the meat cleaver, and she locked the door, and somehow she was chopped into hundreds of pieces and you can't prove nothin!" He said as he entered the dark house.

Twilight had her back to the door, and she began to breath heavily .

"HAVE YOU BEEN MESSIN WITH MY MEDICINE!?!?!?" He yelled as he rammed the door with his scooter.

"Please......please let me go! I won't tell anyone! Just please!" Twilight begged. She backed away from the door, and fell into the bathtub.

The door exploded into splinters.

"Boy, that door was easier to get into than my third wife, and about half as easy to break into pieces and hide the body!" He said cheerfully.

Twilight was preparing to attack him with horn magic, but the huge man was much faster than he looked. he brought the meat cleaver right down onto her horn. She screamed in pain.

Twilight was in a daze.

"WHO'S BEEN MESSIN WITH MY MEDICINE?" He yelled.

Twilight fainted.

Twilight awoke the next morning in the bath tub. Her horn was hurt, but still in one piece.

"What? How am I still alive?" She said out loud.

Mr.Plinkett rolled into the room.

"I'm sorry little Pony, I made a mistake. I brought generic brand Pizza Pockets instead of Pizza Rolls. I remembered right before I almost skinned you alive. Here, try a REAL Pizza Roll."

Twilight took a bite.

"WOW, this is great!" She said with a huge smile.

"No one can resist Pizza Rolls!" He said with his own huge smile.

They both started to laugh.

Twilight asked Mr.Plinkett to bring her as many Pizza Rolls as he could! This would be the biggest mistake of her short life.

Twilight was found dead 3 days later. She had overdosed on Pizza Rolls.

"Hey everyone thanks for reading! Come to my webzone if ya want a pizza roll. Send me a note to my webzone and I'll mail you a Pizza Roll." Said Mr.Plinkett as he teleported back to his dimension.

The End.