Nope with a side order of double nope.
Author's Note
Something I had written over a month and a half ago. I have no regrets
Nope with a side order of double nope.
The Seamstress and the Arachnid
“And… done!” Rarity said, with an elated tone.
The seamstress lowered her fabric scissors onto her work table and let out a sigh of relief, brushing a stray hair that was marring the perfection that was her magnificent coiffure as she took a step back from the mannequin and admired her handiwork.
It had taken all morning to finish it, but now it was complete. Her biggest order so far that month.
A very important noble had commissioned her for a dress to attend their sister’s wedding. Seeing an opportunity to flaunt her designs even more, she happily accepted and began work immediately the next day.
“Well, Rarity,” she said to herself, “You have most definitely outdone yourself on this one. Why, I’d fathom a guess that this is your—”
She paused mid sentence and blinked, squinting her eyes at the dress at something she didn’t notice originally.
“How queer… I don’t remember adding a brown broach. What on Equestria was I thinking? Brown on a dress? Why, that’s the most absurd—”
The unicorn let out a high pitched shriek that was so loud that Princess Luna momentarily woke up all the way over in Canterlot, blinked, and promptly went back to sleep, shrugging it off.
Rarity backpedaled at a speed that would almost impress Rainbow Dash and came to a stop as her rear bumped into the wall behind her. Her eyes were wide and she was panting rapidly, her gaze locked on the brown broach.
She had calmed giant sea serpents, fought Nightmare Moon, battled with Discord, helped repel an entire invasion of Changelings, assisted in defeating King Sombra and even played a part in the fall of Tirek. The unicorn and her friends were considered national heroes and guardians of all Equestria.
But this was a creature so fierce, so terrible and so unspeakably evil. A creature so foul it could only have been the spawn of Tartarus itself!
A disgusting, hideous and ferocious spider.
Rarity could do nothing but keep her gaze on the creature. She dared not blink, for it would give the abomination a chance to flee and hide. Eventually, the unicorn managed to calm her breathing down and began to think rationally.
“Okay, Rarity… you can do this,” she whispered, “Be brave, you’ve faced evil before…”
Out of the corner of her eye she spotted an open window near the dress. Taking a deep breath, Rarity calmed herself down. In the next instant, however, she was screaming loudly and dancing on the tips of her hooves as her horn glowed with magic the spider was thrown out of the window.
Quickly slamming the window shut, Rarity let out a sigh of relief and smoothed her mane out as best as she could. Satisfied that her home was vermin free, she decided that she would have a relaxing bubble bath as a reward for once again defeating a terrible evil.
Rarity hummed to herself softly as she used her magic to turn the taps off in the bathroom. The tub itself was nearly overflowing with the amount of bubblebath she had used, towering over her as she delicately dabbed the water beneath with a hoof.
She let out a coo and a sigh as the warmth hit her immediately and slowly slid her body into the water. She sighed in complete and utter bliss and used her magic to dim the light and ignite small candles dotted around the room.
Levitating over an inflatable pillow, she snuggled it behind her and sighed once more, closing her eyes as she turned on a small cd-player she kept in the bathroom for when she needed to have an emergency ‘de-stress’ bath. Suddenly, with an excited gasp, she remembered another part of her emergency ‘de-stress’ kit.
Opening up her bathroom cupboard above the sink, she levitated out a box of chocolates which she rested on her bath caddy. Leaning back into the inflatable pillow she closed her eyes and opened the box, levitating a chocolate into her mouth as she hummed in time with the classical music coming from her cd-player.
This is the life… she thought happily.
Her order was complete, Sweetie Belle was having a Cutie Mark Crusader sleepover at Applejack’s house, Opalescence was currently spending the night at the vets and she had vanquished evil itself.
She moaned a little as she savoured the taste of the chocolate in her mouth before she levitated another to her lips. However, upon coming into contact with her tongue, something didn’t taste right. Rarity stuck her tongue out and opened one eye which was soon followed by the other. In a flash her pupils became the size of pin pricks.
There, on her tongue, was the evil abomination, the spider. It almost grinned up at her in a taunting fashion.
There was a stagnant silence before Rarity let out a high pitched shriek, leaping out of the bathtub and sending water, the caddy, the chocolates and the spider flying into the air. In her panic to get out of the tub, she caught herself on the shower curtains that she had tucked out of the way. Letting out an unlady-like squawk, she fell to the floor with the curtains lovingly wrapped around her head, obscuring her vision as she ran for the door.
Unfortunately, she couldn’t see where she was going, so she ran into it horn first, causing her horn to burst through the door and become embedded.
Rarity put her front hooves on the door and gritted her teeth as she tried to pry herself from the door’s grip. She let out another scream as she felt something crawling up her hind leg. She flailed her hind legs as hard as she could, hopefully launching the beast into what was left of the bath water.
With one last mighty tug, she managed to free her horn. At the same time, she felt the spider fly off her body followed by a splash. Rarity quickly flung the door open, making it ram the wall before running out and slamming the door shut. Using her magic, she quickly heaved over a nearby bookcase to block up the hole and panted softly.
“Infernal… monster…” she said in between breaths.
Satisfied that the demon was finally out of commision, Rarity let out a sigh as she made her way to her room, making mental note to call the exterminator later on just to be certain. With her mane soaking wet, and the shower curtain refusing to let go of her body, the mare slowly made her way to her bedroom. Water dripping with every step.
Rarity sighed softly as she slowly brushed her mane. She had sinced dried herself off and was sitting in front of her vanity, glumly staring at her reflection.
“My precious mane will turn white from stress at this rate.…” Rarity said wearily to herself.
She lowered the brush down onto her vanity as she looked back at the weary eyed reflection staring back at her. Satisfied her mane was back in order, she slowly slipped off her seat making her way for the bedroom door.
“Maybe I should have a light lunch to calm down…” she sighed.
Making her way through the hallway and down the stairs, she headed into her kitchen with a weary groan and opened the fridge. Her frown turned into a little smile as she spied a clear tupperware container that contained the remnants of last night’s meal.
Tomato and Basil pasta.
She decided it was probably best to just eat the leftovers rather than waste time making something from scratch. Levitating the container out of the fridge and closing the door, she pulled open the cutlery draw and extracted a fork before making her way over to the dining table.
Licking her lips as she popped the lid open, her jaw nearly detached itself from how quick it had dropped. Her eyes went wide and her pupils once again shrunk into pinpricks, her left eye twitching slightly. A soft squeak was all that came out of her mouth.
H-how is this possible?! she thought with a whimper.
There, sitting inside the container, looking up at her with its eight beady eyes was the devil incarnate.
The spider.
Rarity continued to stare down at it in her horror-shock state as the spider stared up at her.
‘Did you think I would let you get away so easily after the bath incident?!’ it seemed to say to her in a low, rumbling voice that shook with evil.
Rarity felt sweat form on her forehead and trickle down at her as she dared not blink, her eyes fixated on the eight, black soulless eyes staring up at her. She couldn’t see anything behind it other than anger and a lust for blood, specifically hers.
The silence was so thick, you could cut it with a butter knife.
After what seemed like an eternity had passed. Everything suddenly felt like it was going in slow motion for the unicorn.
She pushed back from the table as the spider leapt for her, narrowly missing and landing on the floor in front of her. Rarity jumped off her chair and ran to the other side of the room and turned around the corner by the fridge, only to be greeted by the spider standing in the doorway, her only path to freedom.
“I-impossible!” she squeaked.
‘I will have my revenge, horned one!’
Rarity shrieked and shook her head in fear as the spider reared a leg up. The unicorn flared her horn up, picking up every single piece of tupperware and cutlery in the kitchen and flinging it as hard as she could at the monstrosity. Crashes and clanging filled the kitchen along with her screams of utter terror. Ponies walking outside stood and watched with confusion.
Rarity dared not open her eyes as she continued to bombard the creature with whatever her magic could grab, A thunderous crash finally made her open her eyes to see she had tipped her entire fridge onto the spot where the spider once was, but at a cost.
The fridge was blocking the way.
The unicorn began to rapidly trot in place as she bit her lower lip, frantically scanning the area for a means of escape. She tried moving the fridge out of the way, but it was simply too heavy for a lady such as herself to lift it up.
Then a thought occurred to her.
Are you mad?! Th-that thing is under there! It could get out! It could have—
She paused when she felt a ice cold shiver down her spine and she stopped dead. With her heart beating so fast it was threatening to burst from her chest, she slowly looked to her right and whimpered at what she saw on the counter behind her.
She couldn’t believe it, she didn't want to believe it.
The demon spawn was on the counter, staring into her eyes with its soulless orbs.
Without even thinking, Rarity shrieked once more with such a high pitch that Tirek was forced to cover his ears in his Tartarus prison. She leapt back slightly and enveloped the fridge in her magic with newfound determination…
…and hurled it as quickly as she could at the spider.
Ponies outside jumped in alarm as a loud, ear piercing shriek forced their hooves to their ears, followed by a loud crash as a stray fridge flew out of Rarity’s window. The fading screams of Rarity being the last thing they heard.
Rarity ran all the way to her room screaming, before running inside and slamming the door shut. She used her magic to drag her closet, vanity, chair, bedside table, chest and a dozen extra pillows in front of the door.
Panting heavily, with sweat dripping from her head and her mane a complete mess. Rarity stared at the barricade with her right eye twitching and a victorious yet psychotic grin on her face.
“T-there… try and get me now!” she cackled.
With a wobble of her body she headed for her bed and threw herself onto it and let out a very contented sigh of relief. She closed her eyes as she slowly let her body unwind and relax, a soft smile forming on her face as she rolled over on her bed. The unicorn then made a terrible mistake.
She opened her eyes. And immediately regretted it.
On the pillow beside her, seemingly resting its head on four of its arms. Was the spider.
‘Forget about me?’ its eyes seemed to say.
Rarity simply stared at the spider with a dumbfounded expression. There was another round of stagnant silence as the two continued to stare at one another, neither making a single move. Suddenly, the unicorn began to softly laugh to herself. Before long, the room was filled with the mare’s manic laughter.
Suddenly, she let out a scream so loud Sombra heard it in the afterlife. Rarity bolted from the bed and rushed to the door shooting a beam of magic that blasted her furniture into near smithereens. The unicorn grabbed the door handle and threw the door open and ran as fast as she could down the stairs, screaming all the while.
When she came to the bottom of the stairs she came to a screeching halt, snapping her head up to look up the stairs and glared, her teeth gritted in a snarl.
“No more running, I will not be forced out of my home by vermin!” she shouted.
Making a beeline for the kitchen, she entered a dark room and pulled on a little bit of string that caused a lightbulb to flicker on. Giggling to herself in a low, maniacally way, she made her way over to a large red toolbox with the label.
‘Magnum’s Tools. Do Not Touch!’
The mare lifted the lid up with a creak and a twisted, psychotic grin formed on her face.
“It. Is. On!” Rarity cackled as she levitated something from the box.
The boutique, was silent. Not a single sound could be heard bar a single little skittering sound as the spider made its way through the shop. It came to a stop outside a door and scratched its head with a leg before a slow creaking sound caught its attention behind it. The spider took a couple of steps back as two glowing eyes suddenly appeared in the darkness of the room.
“There you are…” a soft voice whispered, locking on to its target.
The spider quickly turned heel and fled as a large sledgehammer slammed down in the spot it had been standing, the handle being held by a white unicorn with a psychotic grin on her face.
“Now, dear. It’s rude to run away from a lady~!”
Rarity took after the spider, swinging the hammer in the air with her magic and chased the arachnid into the living room. It jumped onto her infamous fainting sofa, before leaping behind it just as the hammer came crashing down on the sofa and snapping it in half. The unicorn snorted in irritation as she caught the spider running under the coffee table and just like the sofa, she brought the hammer down and smashed the table to pieces.
But again, the spider escaped her wrath and fled into the downstairs bathroom.
With a manic laugh she dashed after it, just as the door slammed and she heard the lock click into place.
“Come out, come out~,” she said with a sing song voice, “I just want to… talk,”
As expected, she got no response from the arachnid. Slowly, the mare stood on her hind legs and gripped the hammer before bringing it down with a mighty crash against the door, causing an indent to appear. With a cackle she lifted it once more and slammed it over and over into the door, each time making the indent buckle under the pressure of the blows. On the twelfth hit, a hole large enough for her head had been broken down. Giggling and grinning madly, she dropped the hammer and pressed her front hooves onto the door, poking her head through.
“Here’s Rarity!” she grinned at the arachnid sitting on the toilet lid.
As she reached for the lock, the spider lept onto her hoof causing the mare to let out a loud startled shriek and stumble back, tripping over the sledgehammer and falling onto her rump as the arachnid fled.
“Get back here!” she growled, picking up the hammer with her magic and continuing the continuing the chase.
The spider quickly dashed up the stairs followed closely behind by Rarity who repeatedly brought the sledgehammer down, narrowly missing the arachnid each time and leaving a hole in the stairs making parts of the wood jut up. As the spider reached the top of the stairs it made a beeline for the bedroom. Rarity soon followed suite and watched it dash towards her room. With a cackle and a twitch of the eye, she slammed the door to her bedroom shut.
The spider came to a screeching halt at the door and turned to see Rarity slowly approaching it, menace and malice in her eyes.
“Now I have you!”
With a animalistic shriek, the unicorn charge the spider, hammer raised high and ready to strike down on the abomination. Time seemed to once again slow down for the two.
As Rarity brought the hammer, the spider launched itself and landed just below the hammer and ran along the handle as it slammed into the floorboards, becoming embedded into the ground. The spider then jumped onto the unicorn’s face, making her shriek and rapidly stumble backwards and tripping over her own back hooves as the spider jumped off her and scuttled back down the stairs.
“Get back here!” Rarity shouted as she grunted, pulling the hammer out of the ground and gave chase.
“Where… did… you… go…?” the mare hissed in between pants
She stood in her hallway by the front door, her mane completely askew and sweat drenching her entire frame. Her eyes were wide and fixed with a manic glare as the right continued to involuntarily twitch every few seconds. Rarity carefully scanned around where she was standing, ignoring the destruction around her.
The hallway and walls were riddled with holes where her sledgehammer had come into contact with it, wood stuck out at jaunty angles around the impact zones on the wooden floors and bits of rubble littered the once clean carpets. The stairs, or what was left of them, were riddled with holes, and the railings had all but been destroyed.
The kitchen, along with the debris of the remnants of glasses, dishes and other breakables was littered with holes. The floor was cracked, the cupboards smashed inwards and the furniture destroyed to near non-recognition. But the worst was the workshop.
Mannequins lay scattered as if they had been in the middle of a warzone. Materials were strewn about, wrapping around broken tables, chairs and mannequins. Her prize treasure chest that contained her many gems had been smashed into kindling, the precious jewels littering the broken chest in a circle as if they were its blood.
Even poor Opalescence’s bed wasn’t spared the carnage, as it dangled from the ceiling where it was now embedded.
As she lowered her ragged breathing, she took note of the eerie silence and a thought crept into her mind.
Is… is it gone? she thought to herself
She cautiously looked around and slowly took a couple of steps forwards, holding her breath and keeping her eyes peeled for any kind of movement.
Nothing.
She couldn’t hear or see anything.
“I… I’ve done it! I’ve slain the beast!” Rarity declared as she began to laugh hysterically, “That’ll teach vermin to mess with—”
Her victory was short-lived, however, as the spider slowly scuttled out from the cupboard under the stairs and dashed into the living room. With a heavy ‘thunk’, the unicorn dropped the sledgehammer onto the ground.
Rarity started to giggle to herself softly as her eye twitched.
She giggled as she walked into the ruins of the kitchen.
She giggled as she opened a drawer that had managed to avoid the carnage.
She giggled as she pulled out a little box.
She giggled as she levitated a bottle of brandy from the only cupboard that was spared and stuffed a cloth into the neck.
She giggled as she walked to the stove and turned the gas on.
She giggled as she left the kitchen and made her way to the front door.
She giggled as she walked out, ignoring the looks of confused of ponies.
She giggled as she turned to face her home and sat on her rump.
She then stopped giggling and sat in silence. Eerily calm.
Waiting.
As the onlookers watched with a hint of concern of the distraught looking mare, one was about to approach her when the unicorn suddenly reared onto her back legs and let out an ear piercing screech that could terrify a hydra.
With a move so quick even Rainbow Dash would have to blink twice, the unicorn struck a match and lit the cloth on the brandy bottle before hurling it at the nearest window as she screamed.
“Burn you son of a—!”
Ponies screamed as the windows of the boutique were destroyed as a loud explosion rocked the building and interrupted the unicorn.
Within seconds, there was an inferno raging inside of the boutique, glass could still be heard shattering as the unicorn began to suddenly laugh loudly and psychotically, dancing in a circle as she giggled with glee.
Soon, fire ponies rushed to the scene and began to tackle the blaze. Rarity continued to dance before falling to her knees and laughing into the sky.
“I’ve won! Rarity always gets what she wants!” she shouted. “No abomination will ever get the best of—”
Rarity suddenly stopped, staring at the building in a pure look of horror. As the fire ponies went about tackling the blaze, a small albeit slightly charred brown blob scuttled out of one of the windows and stood in front of her.
It was impossible.
It was inconceivable!
Yet… there it was. The spider.
The two continued to stare at each other as Rarity’s frame shook slightly, a few whimpers escaping her lips.
‘Did you miss me?’
Rarity’s lower lip wobbled as she suddenly screamed and fell onto her back, flailing her legs and hooves as she cried in anger and frustration. The spider, looked up at her before it scuttled towards a nearby bush, followed by several others that emerged from the building unscathed. Behind the bush were two ponies watching the hysterical unicorn and the blazing inferno that was the remains of Rarity’s boutique.
Pinkie blinked as the spiders all clambered up her body before disappearing into her mane one after the other, “Do you think we overdid the prank, Dashie?” she asked.
As smoke rose in front of them into the sky, Rainbow rubbed her chin with a hoof for a moment before shrugging, “Nah.”
The End.
