Or: How Celestia Stopped the War.
Author's Note
Just an idea that got stuck in my head and had to come out. I hope you enjoy it at least a little.
Or: How Celestia Stopped the War.
Lord High Mind stared down at the table, his generals and their lieutenants arrayed around it. Complete with plastic hills, gouged out rivers and lakes filled with water, and little trees built of toothpicks and fuzz, it was a perfect map of his own fiefdom and that of his neighbor, Gold Monger.
He could not help by smile as General True Strike talked through the final revisions of their planned campaign.
It was finally happening. Up until this point everything had seemed like a fevered fantasy. Every time something went right, he was certain that he would wake up and find it all to have been an overly vivid dream. But here he was, dressed in his trappings of office, surrounded by some of the greatest military minds money could buy, and an army ready to march at his command.
Had he been twenty years younger, he might have called himself giddy with excitement.
It would be a slaughter. According to his spies—well, the mercenary spies—the Mongers couldn’t field an army even a tenth the size of his. He was half tempted to dismiss the generals and take the field himself. Just march in and take control. He’d already paid them, though, so it made far more sense to let them do their jobs.
True Strike finished his speech and turned to High Mind with an expectant expression. He took a single step back, as though to get a better view of the table-map, and nodded his head. The general had his full confidence. True, he’d never lead an actual army, but then, neither had any living pony. It had been generations since the last true conflict, but what did that matter?
Just as High Mind was about to speak, issuing the final go ahead, he felt a soft prodding at his shoulder. Annoyed, he turned and found a meek, frightened mare at his side. A scullery maids by her clothes, he glared at her, “Well, what is it?”
“I… I… It’s… she wants…”
“Come on!” He barked, in no mood for such a pony. “Out with it!”
Before she could so much as squeak, three loud knocks echoed from the door. His glare snapped toward the door. It would occur later that he should have known something was wrong from the maid’s presence alone. After all, she was not one to be privy to the war plans and had no place within his war-room. At the time, however, he was too caught up to notice much of anything. Bellowing for somepony to turn whoever was at the door away, he looked back at the maid.
“Well?” he asked.
Her whole body was trembling at that point, shaking from dock to snout. “She… she w—wants you to a—ask ‘Who’s there?’.”
He pulled back, his anger only growing more intense. “What?”
She pointed toward the door and the soldier tugging unsuccessfully at the lever, unable to open it despite it being unbarred. He glanced between the filly and the door multiple times, confusion warring with his anger. Until, finally, he roared, “Who’s there?”
From the other side of the door, in a voice nopony could mistake, was said, “Princess.”
Every pony in the war room froze, their ears and heads slowly turning from the Lord toward the still closed door. The poor corporal who’d been tugging on it lost his grip, fell onto his back, and didn’t bother trying to stand back up.
Lord High Mind blinked.
“N—now yo—you’re supposed to say—”
“Princess who?” he finished for the maid, certain that he’d been mistaken about the voice.
The door finally opened, just barely missing the still fallen soldier, to reveal the gleaming white coat and spectral mane of none other than—
“Princess Celestia,” she said with a mischievous lilt to her voice and expression.
Immediately, every pony not already on the ground, dropped, bowing toward the immortal princess, all, that is, save for the Lord High Mind, who stared at her like a deer caught in… odd, he was certain he’d heard that expression that started with that.
Princess Celestia’s expression turned to her normal, motherly smile as she strode inside the war-room at a leisurely pace. Nods and whispered words passed from her lips to the ponies she passed, never failing to cause the pony in question to veritably radiate joy.
Eventually, she made her way around the table to stand at Lord High Mind’s side. Finally coming to his senses, he made a perfunctory bow.
“It is a beautiful day, isn’t it, High Mind?”
Lord High Mind, nodded, though he had yet to step a hoof outdoors that day. “Yes, Your Highness.”
“Did you see the dawn this morning?” When he shook his head, she tsked. “It was quite beautiful, if I do say so myself. I had the weather teams set up the weather in the east to capture the light just so. I don’t normally exert so much control, you know. I like to let every morning create its own beauty. But I felt that, today at least, it would be important to get it just right.” Turning to look at the rest of the ponies, she asked, “Did any pony happen to see the sun rise?”
There was a rash of head shakes, only the scullery maid, still standing on the opposite side of the Lord nodded.
“Ah. How wonderful. Tell me, what did you think of it?”
The maid stood frozen, staring up at the smiling princess. When she finally managed to speak, her voice was barely above a whisper. “It was pretty.” When Celestia asked if there was anything she found particularly interesting, she replied, “The lack of any red.”
Celestia’s smile widened. “I’m glad you noticed, it took quite a bit of work to pull that off you know. The light was not terribly cooperative. I had to… well, the details are quite boring, I’m sure.”
An uncomfortable silence descended as Celestia’s gaze turned back to High Mind without another word. Ponies all over the room began to fidget with much rubbing of hoofs against cannons, shifting of weights from side to side, and twitching of tails.
Finally caving to the pressure, High Mind spoke, “To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit, Your Highness?”
“Nothing important, Lord High Mind. I simply wished to ask you a few minor questions.”
“Ah,” he said, a little uncertain. “Perhaps you would like to discuss things in a more private setting?”
“Oh, heavens, no.”
High Mind waited a moment, expecting Celestia to add more. When she didn’t, he was at a complete loss for words. “Oh. Okay. Would you like some wine, or tea? I have a very nice vintage—”
“No, that won’t be necessary. I’m afraid I shall not be staying long.”
More silence followed. “You said you had some questions, Your Highness?”
Celestia hummed thoughtfully, turning away from the lord toward the table map. Her eyes traced over the whole of it, up the mountains and down the rivers, across the woods and rivers. Whatever her thoughts, they were hidden behind the same expression she’d wore since arriving.
After a few painfully long seconds, she picked up one of the tin soldiers to examine more closely. It was a pegasus, representing a flight of twenty for the purposes of the map, painted up to look like Captain Spitfire. The models had actually been his son’s.
“I am simply curious Lord High Mind,” she began, holding up the well crafted pony model, “did you think I wouldn’t notice, or did you truly believe I would approve?” She turned, all comfort and warmth gone from her expression, replaced by scolding and disappointment.
Lord High Mind swallowed.
“Ms. Potts,” Celestia said to the scullery maid, her voice and expression once again filled with sunshine and rainbows, “would you please remove Mr. High Mind’s vestments of office?”
Ms. Potts stared at Celestia, quite in a state of shock. Slowly, she turned her head toward Lord High Mind, only to face Celestia once more. “B—but he’s my liege. I can’t…”
“Oh!” Celestia tapped her forehead with a hoof. “I must be getting on in years.” Turning to the gathered ponies, she pronounced, “I, Princess Celestia, do hereby declare that Lord High Mind, for his actions taken under his own will, is formally and officially stripped of all titles and holdings, and all rights and privileges pertaining to such, etcetera etcetera.” With a flash of fire, a clutch of scrolls spilled over the table, with one bouncing off High Mind’s head to roll across the ground. “Copies have already been sent out and are being posted in the in proper places.”
“You—You can’t do this!” High Mind shouted, his face turning a violent shade of red.
“Oh?” Celestia glanced at her flank, touched the tiara with a hoof, and then looked out over the gathering of ponies. “I could have sworn I could. Well, in that case, what are you going to do to stop me?”
“W—what?”
“I asked how you intend to stop me? That is how this works, is it not? I admit that it has been some time, so I may have things wrong. It’s all about power and authority, and who has the most. I believe I do, but you are welcome to test yours. Go on.”
“I… Guards! Stallions! Remove her!”
No pony moved.
“What are you doing?” he screamed. “I’m paying you to follow my orders and I order you to remove her from these premises!”
No pony moved.
“Would you like to try removing me by your own magic?”
Ignoring her, High Mind began to shake, his anger turning into a boiling rage. He stormed about the room, ranting and raving at the soldiers to do something. Celestia watched for a moment and just tsked, shaking her head.
“My turn.” Turning once again to Ms. Potts, she asked, “How would you like to be the new Lady of Greensfjord?”
“I… I wouldn’t know what to do!” Potts protested. “I’m just a scullery maid. I don’t know the first thing about being a Lady!”
“Wonderful! You’ll do just fine, I’m sure. And, of course, if you have any questions, I’m only a letter away.”
Potts just stared at her for a minute, before nodding because she think of no other action to take.
“Thank you, my little pony.” Turning to face the gathered ponies once more, she intoned, “I, Princess Celestia, do hereby declare Ms. Potts to be the new Lady and Mistress of Greensfjord, etcetera etcetera.” Then she turned back to Lady Potts. “Now, I do not wish to step on your toes, but if I might make a suggestion as your first act as a Lady?”
“Of course, Princess!” Lady Potts said, her smile growing as it dawned on her that this might not actually be just a dream.
“Mr. High Mind seems to be creating quite a disturbance. I believe there are a few pertinent laws that might be useful.”
It took a few seconds, but Lady Potts was quick on the uptake, all things considered. “Guards,” she said, almost giggling when every pony snapped to attention, “arrest that stallion on charges of… of…”
“Public nuisance,” Celestia whispered in her ear.
“... of creating a public nuisance.”
A cry of ‘Yes, M’lady.’ filled the room, followed by the sound of stomping boots and a sharp pitch change of High Mind’s shouts. Soon enough, the room was quiet once more.
“Now,” Celestia said, drawing Lady Potts off to the side, “since this is your first day, and your predecessor left quite a mess, I do have a few more suggestions, if you would like to hear them.”