The Darkest Corners of Our Minds

“Spike?” Twilight called from downstairs, interrupting my book. “Spike, where are you?” She called out, probably thinking I was gone for the day. There were a lot more chores for me to do since we moved, but luckily some of the more tedious workload was taken off of my shoulders by her new staff. Each time we moved, there became less to take with us. This time we had almost nothing, so when we moved, there was so much less to do around the place. “Spiiiiiiike!” Her voice rang out once more as I finished the page before folding the corner to mark my place. Twilight hated it when I did that. She said it wore down the books and made them fall apart. The only thing she hated more than that when it came to books was when somepony jammed bookmarks right in the center folds of the pages. Even I knew that if enough were stuck into the center of a book, the binding would get damaged. I still think she took the matter too far sometimes. They were just bookmarks after all. She was mostly just miffed that whoever left the bookmark didn't finish the book before returning it. If they did finish, she would never notice the slip were there until the binding fell apart. I swear, she and Dash are the only ponies I know who can clear a whole tome in just a day, and they won't move from their spot until they do. I would be willing to bet bits that they thought everypony else did the same, which would explain Rainbow's previous aversion to reading.

“Coming Twilight,” I called back before she could turn over the castle looking for me. Sometimes she seemed to forget I had a room now and I spent most of my free time there. I set my book down and walked clumsily towards her voice.

“Hey Spike,” she greeted when I came to the doorway. She was in her new office, where she spent most of her free time, a fact of which I was aware slightly more than she was. The office was right next to the library, connected to both the inside of the library by a room full of heavy cabinets I had to move, and to the hallway by the front desk. Her muzzle was buried in the books as always, so she couldn't see my current dilemma, little to my relief. She would find out soon enough, just as soon as she put her book down. It looked like a record-keeping folder more than a book, so I knew she wasn't interested in finishing any particular part. She was probably just avoiding eye-contact for as long as possible. A lot of things had changed recently, and we were both starting to notice. For one, her usual greeting, expecting me to be wherever she were on a moments notice had disappeared. “I have a favor to ask you, if that's okay.”

“Sure Twi, what is it?” Despite her change in demeanor, I didn't embrace change very well. I would have been perfectly happy keeping things just the way they were forever. Twilight would eventually stop aging and a few decades after that, I would too. She didn't know that she was immortal yet, or she was still in denial. Princess Celestia never told her what gifts and curses came with being an alicorn princess. To be fair, she never told me either. Shining was always the one to tell me things about adults and most of the time I only talked to him when Twilight wasn't around and I had to stay home. When their grandparents passed away, I was struggling to understand death. I knew that they were gone, but they were gone all the time. We always had to go visit them when we saw them and even then, we could go whenever we wanted. They lived really close in Canterlot. When Twilight buried her face in her pillow and refused to tell me what was wrong, I had to ask Shining what got to her. He explained to me that when ponies died, they wouldn't come back. We could never see them again except in pictures and memories. I cried for so long after that, and Twilight and Shining comforted me the same I would for them in later situations. Shortly afterward, I asked how Princess Celestia could have done all of those things in the legends if they were so long ago. He told me that Princess Celestia would never die, and that she still looked young because she possessed all three types of pony magic, which made her able to stay the same as long as she wanted.

She held a quill in her aura, still not looking away from her work. She continued writing for a moment without answering me. She did that even before she was a princess, and I used to think it was just to annoy me, but it usually meant she either wanted company, or was writing a letter and needed me to send it as soon as possible. Every once in a while it was both. I knew she came to terms with becoming a princess, and I also knew she was still taking time to adjust, but I couldn't help but think that she really didn't know about her fate. After all, Shining only ever told me about alicorn magic and he didn't learn it from any of Twilight's books. Princess Cadance told him when they started dating, and he said that the princesses didn't have books that covered that subject in the library because they were always trying to forget. For me though, nothing had changed aside from our outward appearances. I was happy I would have my friend for longer than I thought before, but I think she was sad because she knew she would eventually outlive me, and she never expected to have to say goodbye. Did she really have that kind of foresight? Or was I just imagining things?

The quill stopped and returned to its ink pot as Twilight looked up to me. “Oh, you've grown again!” She chirped in surprise. I was afraid she would be mad at me for growing out of control again, or suspect I was secretly hoarding things again. For as long as I knew her, I still couldn't read her. From time to time, the wings would give away her attitude about something, but eventually she gained control over them and was finally less expressive than her friends again, and her wings remained glued to her sides. Maybe she knew to trust me since I wasn't taking things from her yet, but I still felt self-conscious for the changes. I was starting to feel new emotions and have thoughts I knew I shouldn't have. I still wasn't over Rarity, but I was less committed to her and more open to other mares as I grew. I was noticing things too. “I need you to send this letter to Fluttershy please,” she asked as she passed me the scroll in her aura.

“Fluttershy? But she's just across town, and weren't you going to see her today?”

“That's what this is about, Spike. I can't make it to our picnic today, and I can't tell her in pony either, so I need you to do it.”

“What's got you so busy all of the sudden?”

She blushed in response, half-hiding behind her mane, which was quite the accomplishment because she didn't have enough to hide behind. “I'm not busy,” she lowered her voice, “I'm in heat.”

“Oh.” I knew more than I needed to about heat, especially recently. Ponies weren't particularly shy about their cycles since they happened all the time. There was just no avoiding it sometimes, even though some ponies tried to. Fluttershy always locked herself away when her time came. It would have been obvious if anypony made more notice of her. Usually if she didn't show up for an important event that she promised she would make, everypony would worry until Rainbow Dash or Rarity explained why. Twilight reacted in a similar manner, only instead of just locking down the house, she would close all of the curtains and hide from the sun too. Being in a castle made that much more difficult, so she only recently kicked that habit. I read enough of Rarity's romance novels to have a working knowledge of pretty much everything about mares, which was both embarrassing and intriguing at the same time. I doubted Twilight ever knew I read those books, so she was probably blissfully ignorant of just how much I knew.

Thankfully, Rarity's books weren't explicit, which was both a blessing and a curse. Again, I chalked all of my working knowledge of mares up to those books and occasionally, Shining Armor. Of course, Shining and Twilight both held back as much as ponily possible whenever they could. The famous phrase that most foals hear, “I'll tell you when you're older,” was used quite a bit in that household. That had to be one of the grandest lies of the universe because they never really tell you anything in the end, do they? Shining was nice enough to word it differently, although with the same effect. “By the time you're old enough to understand and care, you'll know.” Shining always seemed wise beyond his years, even though he made the most childish decisions.

Twilight, on the other hand, was just as reckless as when she was a filly. She made foolish mistakes left and right without thinking twice about it. She was book smart, sure, so when estrus came for her the first time, predictably she knew everything about it. She knew everything except for how to cope with it. That was one of the few times I was thrown out of her room for asking questions. How was I supposed to know it was inappropriate?

My mind returning to the topic at hand, I broke the awkward silence, “So do you want me to ask if she wants to reschedule?”

“Actually, if you want to you can just send it now. I'm sure she'll understand.”

“But how will she respond if-”

“It's okay, Spike. You don't have to leave if you don't want to,” she hurriedly interjected. Her eyebrows lowered and a smile tugged at the side of her muzzle sheepishly. I was used to her being more demanding or irate when she got like this, but something was different. It sounded more like a request than an order, and even though she was offering to give me less work, the tone betrayed the sentiment. It almost felt like she didn't care about the letter at all and just wanted me to stay longer.

Still, it was only a suggestion and I didn't want to stick around too long to find out whether or not Twilight would choose that season to finally find a stallion. “That's okay Twi, I'll just take it there myself. I haven't seen Fluttershy in a while anyway and I should probably say hello. Besides, you probably don't want me around right now anyway,” I chuckled on my way out the door, not giving her a chance to object.

“Okay, well I'll see you later then,” she sighed and added almost inaudibly, “I guess.”

Before I even had the chance to feel guilty for leaving her alone, I hurried out of the castle towards the other edge of town. My legs made longer strides than they used to, but having to haul around the extra weight my growth spurt added kept me grounded so I would arrive at Fluttershy's the same time I would otherwise. I wasn't sure how to feel about my new height as Ponyville seemed like a completely different place from my new vantage point. Suddenly all of the ponies were eye-level with me and the tables and chairs standing outside of the open-air restaurants and cafes didn't seem tall enough anymore. On the bright side I wouldn't have to sit on any more books to be level with my food.

Fluttershy wasn't surprised at all to see me. In fact, the door was opening a crack while I walked the path to her cottage. “Hello Spike,” she whispered. I had to strain my ears to hear anything at all over the racket outside and I noticed that her usual indoor pets were quarreling outside. “I'm really sorry, but I can't make it to the picnic today.” Her voice could have easily been confused for Angel's, which was a stretch considering Angel made next to no noise. I could have guessed what was going on, and as if to prove my hypothesis, Angel stood at my feet glaring daggers. “Let him in, Angel Bunny. He's a friend.” I couldn't even see Fluttershy when she said that, and Celestia only knows how she was able to see us, but nevertheless Angel walked, not hopped, away staring at me the entire time. He didn't even watch where he was going, but it seemed like he didn't need to as the other animals stepped away. It was scary how well he could command the respect, or perhaps fear, of the others so easily. Maybe it was because he was Fluttershy's favorite.

Little did the rat know that he could never compete with me. After all, Fluttershy was letting me into the house instead of him. I resisted a smirk and entered, closing the door behind me. My nostrils flared as they were assaulted with the scents of at least twenty wild animals. I always hid my mixed feelings about the critters around my friends. They would never understand that even they were appetizing to me sometimes, especially if they refused to cover their scent. Both Twilight and Celestia found out first hand just how dangerous keeping a baby dragon around could be if they were tasty. Eventually, Twilight got the idea after being gummed for the umpteenth time and started showering regularly. Once again, when I was old enough, they didn't even have to tell me that eating my friends was taboo. I just found out and they were all kind enough to keep it a secret. I wondered if Gummy would ever grow out of the habit like I did, but the longer I knew Pinkie and Gummy, the quicker I realized that he was a special pet alligator that would never grow up or get sharp teeth.

My senses were given a break by a familiar floral fragrance emitted by none other than the only other creature in the cottage. “Oh my, you've grown,” she commented to my chagrin, “Is everything alright?”

“Yes, I'm fine. I don't know why this is happening again, but I promise I'm not hoarding things again.”

“I believe you, Spike. Just remember that I'm here for you if you ever feel like you're not getting all the attention you need.” She beamed. Most others would find that over-the-top and creepy, but coming from the demure pegasus with the genuine tone of concern she carefully laced into her words, I knew not to take it the wrong way. I really liked how affectionate she could be at times. She was the only pony aside from Pinkie Pie who would nuzzle and hold me from time to time. Twilight often tried to nuzzle me when she thought I was asleep, but that stopped as soon as I got my own room.

“This is from Twilight,” I said, hoofing her the letter, “She said she can't make it either.”

“Oh, that's too bad. I guess that means it will just be Applejack and Rarity then. I hope those two don't fight.”

“I'm sure they'll be fine. Do you think I should tell them?” I asked, smelling something unusual and wanting to leave sooner.

For the second time that day, a mare rushed to keep me present. “No, that's fine. Could you stay here for a little bit please?” She placed a hoof on my shoulder, almost pulling me towards her as she stood, the scroll still resting in her hoof. The imbalance forced her to put more weight on me for a moment until she took to the air fluttering to sit by the fireplace. As we parted, she wrapped her hoof around me as if to pick me up to carry along with her, but then let it slip away, stroking my spine while she let go. I stood stalk straight from the gesture, sending shivers all over my body. I wasn't used to having my spikes touched, and she just stroked every one of them. She hovered by the couch gesturing for me to follow. Despite there being plenty of light outside, it was strangely cold near the empty hearth. I wouldn't normally notice the temperature change, but my body was on edge after being slightly violated. I wanted to leave, but nothing in the world could make anypony, or even anydragon say 'no' to Fluttershy.

We both sat and she wrapped a wing around me, nuzzling my cheek with the side of her muzzle, letting her lips brush past my own. She almost never did that unless she wanted something from me, and the last time that happened was when she asked me to watch Angel Bunny. Fearing the worst, I stood still as a stone as she unrolled the scroll with her front hooves and read. She finished rather quickly, then turned her whole body to face me while almost-kissing me the same way as before, and placing her forehooves across my lap. “Spike?” She looked up at me, seeing the nervousness in my eyes. We've done things similar to this before, but it was almost always the other way around. Why the sudden change? Why couldn't it just stop? Why did I feel so nervous? Fluttershy was my friend, so I refused to think about her the same way I did with Rarity. It was beginning to get difficult enough since I started to mature, but she was pushing the envelope.

“Fluttershy,” I answered dryly, silently thanking Celestia that I didn't have sweat glands.

“You're warm,” she cooed.

Almost instinctively, I raised a claw to her ears and stoked down her mane. She leaned into my chest in response. “Fluttershy?”

“What is it?”

“Why are you doing this?”

She hesitated, debating her answer carefully. She knew that I could easily walk away if she offended me or said the wrong thing. “I...” she paused, “I want... to be...,” she paused once more, looking up into my eyes. I gazed back as she whispered the last part, “Please hold me, Spike.” I reluctantly obeyed.

Moments of silence and more petting passed, each of us feeling each other's breathing.

“So...” I interrupted. Her melancholy eyes returned to scan my face. “Why are all the animals outside?” I asked sheepishly, even though we both knew the answer.

“I don't want them getting the wrong idea.”

“Does that mean-” I stopped myself, “So why did you let me in?”

“I don't want to be alone. I hate going through this alone.”

“But why me?”

“You're such a gentledrake Spike, I know I can trust you.” Her tail unconsciously flicked, dispersing more of the unusual scent from before. I began wondering if I was smelling her arousal or if I was just imagining it. “Oh,” she gasped, realizing what she did and seeing me gritting my teeth with my fists clenched, “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-”

“It's fine,” I said, fighting my own arousal. It was times like this that made me thank all of the celestial beings above that dragons could hide their erections. Still, I shifted uncomfortably, feeling myself harden.

“Please don't leave,” she begged. I was beginning to regret delivering the letter in pony, but a small part of me was begging to latch on to her rump with my claws and throw all inhibitions to the wind. I bit down harder, and tried to transition from sitting to lying down.

“I'm not leaving, I'm just getting comfortable. Do you mind if I lay down?”

“Go ahead.” She stood, allowing me to rotate my body underneath her and wrap my claws around her neck in an embrace. She gratefully accepted, lowering herself on top of me, not noticing that her rear was right above my hips. With her head right next to mine so that we couldn't see each other's faces, she placed her forehooves over my shoulders and sunk into me the rest of the way. I could feel a moist part of the cushion with my tail, but I tried my hardest to push the thought away. I ignored everything else for as long as I could while I continued petting her. She hummed and sighed every few minutes in response to my touch. My claws made their way under her forelegs and to her back near the base of her wings. She shuddered when I placed my claws there, but did nothing to stop me. Her soft fur was irresistible and I was getting a face-full of her aromatic mane as she nearly purred into my ear.

She alternated between nuzzling me and stroking my neck and back with her hooves, holding me tighter each time I reached a particularly sensitive spot. It was all so sensual, and yet neither of us backed away. My heart raced, pumping adrenaline through my veins and slowing down time even more. I tuned out all the noises of birds, squirrels, and the other animals outside as they were no doubt watching through the window with the curtains wide open, but I didn't care. I was enjoying my little piece of heaven for as long as I could. I had never cuddled anypony like this before, and she was enjoying it so much that I nearly lost my mind to ego once more. Since the time I got there, I had noticeably grown more, now matching her sprawled length.

As I caressed her backside more, I started to explore her wings. The feathers were like nothing I've ever felt before. Pegasi had a taboo about their wings, being some of the most sensitive spots on their body, but I hoped Fluttershy wouldn't mind. Strangely, even though she was clearly aroused, her wings weren't flaring like most would. I didn't know if it was due to her self control or her lacking the proper form of excitement, but they were tucked neatly at her sides until I ran my claws down them. Her feathers ruffled slightly from my touching the base, but a second pass smoothed them over. Fluttershy was moaning by that point and muttering something that sounded like, “don't stop don't stop don't stop don't stop-” and so I didn't. Swiftly, the pegasus raised her haunches and flicked her tail underneath them to separate her damp nethers from my own before ramming them back into me and grinding hard against my still-concealed tumescence. Unfortunately for me, even with my stiffening member hidden, it wasn't prevented from bulging against its confinement, causing a lump to form in my lower region which was in the perfect position to be used as the mare's grinding post. Before I knew what was happening, she squeaked out, “I'm sorry Spike,” and every muscle and limb in her body tensed against me, pinning me between her and the couch with no escape. Her body convulsed, letting a torrent of fluids leak through her tail and onto me.

I could do nothing at that moment but wait until she finished and hate myself for letting it go too far. I hoped that she wouldn't be too upset about me crossing my boundaries with her and I prayed that she wouldn't hate me afterward.

“Mmmmmmhh,” she let out a pained moan, falling limp and disentangling herself from me. Standing on all fours above me, the mare shook, straining to stay on her hooves and still leaking fluid onto the cushion and myself. “I'm so sorry!” She cried as she looked away and hid behind her mane as best she could. “Please don't hate me, I didn't mean it I swear, I'll do anything you want, please don't tell-”

I cut her off by placing a talon to her muzzle. “It's okay Shy. I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have taken it that far when I knew you were like this. It's my fault.”

“No it's not, it's mine. I shouldn't have let you in, I could have let you go. I should have sent you away to Rarity's or Applejack's, but I didn't. And now I've... I've.... I'm so sorry,” she cried, even shedding tears to match her tone. I was stricken with a deep chill, knowing that I had just committed a sin against nature itself. Not only had I taken Fluttershy's innocence, but I had also made her cry afterward. I felt like the worst and most evil creature in the universe and I did the first thing that came to mind. I sat up slowly, watching her as punishment to myself, and then reached out just as slowly and wrapped my arms around her.

“Please, Fluttershy. Don't cry,” I pleaded, beginning to tear up myself. “It's okay Fluttershy, you couldn't control yourself.” A pause followed. “Neither can I.”

“You don't *sniff* hate me?”

“No. Never,” I assured, stroking her mane. “And as for telling anypony, this can stay between you and me. Okay?”

“Really?” She asked, brightening slightly.

“Really. Cross my heart and hope to fly.” She held me closer, now hovering to meet my height. “So uh, not to be too forward or anything but are we going to just pretend this never happened, or do you maybe want to do it again sometime?” I asked, enunciating each word and hesitating between each phrase, begging the stars that I wouldn't offend her.

She pushed me back a few hooflenths, “Maybe. I'm not sure how I feel about what just happened, and I'm still in heat. I can barely think straight now, but if you want... we can do this again sometime... that is... while I'm still like this.” Each decrescendo was almost visible as she continued, blushing more with each word, digging herself deeper.

My own thoughts were even more clustered than hers and I had no idea how to respond to that. I wanted to run and hide, but I also wanted to rut her brains out. I knew I couldn't have both, but I knew that things would only get worse if I refused to acknowledge what just happened. I was still hard as a diamond and all I could think of was relief. I figured she probably felt the same way, but the last thing I wanted to do was take advantage of her weakened state.

“Okay. I guess. Um, just let me know when you want to...?” I trailed off. There was no way to play it cool in that situation. If I tried, I would definitely come off as a total jerk and never get to see her again.

“That sounds great!” she chirped, her volume still not rising above normal. We said our awkward goodbyes, hoping that things would still be alright between us and I started walking back to the castle. It was the middle of the day and I had to walk straight through Ponyville with a hard-on. Once again, I thanked my lucky stars that it was concealable again, but I couldn't take my mind off of getting my rocks off. A small part of me regretted not boning Fluttershy properly, but there was no going back from that situation. I could have gone back, but I wondered if she really meant what she said about being okay with it all. I mean, I got her off and I didn't even expose myself. I felt like I took her innocence while keeping my own, and that felt incredibly dirty... and hot.

About halfway through town a disturbing thought barged into my head. “What would Rarity say to all this?” I thought out loud. “Oh no, she's going to hate me. I was saving myself for her and now I'm used goods!” Deep down, I knew that none of that really mattered and my negative side was just getting the best of me. It was hard overcoming all of my genetic dragonisms, and this was no exception. Unlike many other species, dragons didn't mate for life, so their standards were slightly lower. Ponies broke up sometimes too, but it was much more rare for that to happen. I always felt that because I was from such a violent species that I would have to make up for it somehow, and that all went towards saving myself for Rarity. I felt awful because I knew that even if I had a chance with Rarity, I would have to hurt Fluttershy to be with her, and if I chose Fluttershy instead, I would have given up all that I had worked for with Rarity. It was so unlike me. I never once thought about Fluttershy like that, and yet there I was, ready to give all of my feelings to her.

By the time I arrived at the castle, my arousal had faded almost completely, but that didn't mean I couldn't have a little fun to take my mind off of things. I nearly sprinted to my room to avoid a confrontation with Twilight, realizing that I probably reeked of Fluttershy's juices, and was fortunate enough to not run into her at all. She must have not left the study since I left. I crept into the room slowly, careful to take notice of anything out of place or any owls lurking in the shadows. I wanted to be alone for what I was about to do, and even more importantly, I didn't want anypony or any owl riffling through my things and finding things they shouldn't. Sure enough, all seven books I borrowed from Rarity and Rainbow Dash were just as I left them. A normal dragon of my age would probably be stealing phoenix eggs or playing some reckless sport, but I was much easier to please. I was also a quick reader since it was all I could do to relate to Twilight.

Shining Armor never let me play any of his games, but since he spent so much time on them, I knew I wouldn't have been able to sit still for them anyway. Don't get me wrong, I was patient enough to read, and I did a lot of it, but I was never like Twilight. I was nothing like Twilight. Anypony in the house could easily tell if Twilight had gotten a hold of the book because there were footnotes and corrections everywhere. The encyclopedia apparently had a frightening amount of errors. I'll never forget the first time she made a mistake in one of her corrections. Her mother told her that certain words could be spelled several different ways and the particular book she was reading was written in the old unicorn dialect where they used such spellings. She cried for hours about how her whole world was shattered.

So while Twilight would read encyclopedias and nonfiction tomes of spells, potions, and other ambiguous topics, I would read adventure and romance novels. I was the one who introduced her to Daring Do in the first place, only to find out that she got more recognition for sharing it with the next pony. I didn't let things like that bother me, just like I didn't let the pilfered phoenix eggs bother me. Creatures of all kinds stole the young of others throughout history. Adventure novels often started with the main character being out of place in a country of another race. After all, I was stolen by unicorns. At least that's what I think happened. I never found out, and I asked more than once, but nopony ever told me the same story, so I knew that it must have been bad. It was rather nice living with ponies, but I did always wonder what happened to the phoenix eggs that weren't smashed. Those teenage dragons really were bad news, and I had the feeling that if they had any direction at all, they wouldn't be half as bad. They made it sound so convincing that they wanted phoenixes to diversify their herd. I found out shortly afterward that dragons didn't have herds. Dragon parents lay their eggs and leave them to fend for themselves until their old enough to migrate to a harsher environment where they can feel more at home and be less destructive to the place they were born. Dragons had the hide to handle whatever the world threw at them, but to increase chances of survival, they were often nested in countries like Equestria where ponies ruled. The environment was much more stable, and their neighbors had less violent tendencies. I always figured that if I was stolen it meant that my parents either didn't want me, or something bad happened to them. That's where I related to the adventurous characters the most.

Then there were the romance novels. I never liked them when I lived in Canterlot, but I knew that if Rarity loved them, then I would too. The one I was reading before Twilight asked me to deliver the fateful letter was about a young unicorn mare falling in love with an alicorn prince that ruled over the wind. It reminded me of one of the later Daring Do books because the alicorn had the same name, and the unicorn in the romance book bore many similarities to the servant that the prince fell for in the Daring Do book. Naturally, I ignored the actual character traits of the unicorn and instead thought out the entire plot with her being the character she resembled. Rarity said she had a feeling I would like this one, and then she winked at me before hoofing it to me in her magic. I was too entranced to notice whatever innuendo she was trying to convey, so I took it anyway. The part where I left off was a very detailed romantic scene in the prince's bedchambers, and I was beginning to question Rarity's ethical views about giving a young dragon such a mature novel. Then again, I did have to convince her that while I was physically immature, I was actually almost as old as Twilight, who was in fact older than even Rarity herself. I never got their exact ages, but Scootaloo ran the numbers once. After hearing about how Rainbow Dash got her cutie mark, she was inspired to guess my age. She then proceeded to index all of the older ponies she knew by age and report them to me. Little did anypony else know that she was a closet math geek. I always wondered why she only confided that to me.

I picked up the book I was reading and smoothed out the page to immerse myself in an ornately detailed romantic scene describing how passionate the kiss was. It snowballed into a full-on makeout session, and proceeded even further into the heart of the book. The whole essence of the story's being. The core, the dance, the fur, flesh, and feathers of the scene. I knew exactly where it was going, and my unoccupied claw was already at work. As the scene unfolded, I replaced the characters with stallions and mares that I knew. I guiltily thought about how I sexualized so many of them, but I kept telling myself that as long as I didn't treat them unfairly in pony, and they never found out, that it couldn't do any harm. My thoughts alternated between Rarity and Rainbow Dash quite often, always imagining Big Macintosh or Thunderlane rutting them senseless. I never knew why I imagined stallions with them instead of myself, but it just seemed right, so I let it go. My devious sexual mind was not one to be questioned, much like Twilight's scholarly mind. If it got my rocks off, I didn't care.

Pretty soon I realized that I wasn't even paying attention to the book anymore, and let it rest open on my night stand. It was mid-day, so there was no need to turn off the already extinguished light while I finished. The curtains were drawn, and while I had no door for real privacy, I could always hear anypony coming and had a talent in hiding what I was doing in a pinch. So far my record for not getting caught was untarnished, and I listened carefully for any sign that somepony was close. Hearing nothing, I continued, remembering vividly what happened with Fluttershy. It was true that I never thought about her like that before, but as I replayed the scene in my head, I couldn't help but think that I wanted it to happen. All the signs were there. I accepted the invitation inside when I knew she was in heat when even Angel wasn't inside. That could have been because he was watching for any stallions overstepping their boundaries, but it was more likely because Fluttershy didn't want anyone near her in her weakened state, even her pets.

My thoughts flashed briefly to Fluttershy presenting her goods to the rabbit and him licking it in turn, but quickly faded in favor of myself doing the same. Without much experience in the matter, all I could think of was the mystery that the situation presented. I knew what it smelled like, and thanks to the fact that everypony pranced around naked, I knew what it looked like, but I had no idea what it felt like or even what it... tasted... like.

…

I still had some marecum covering my pouch. Unlike stallions, I didn't possess a sheath, but instead hid my delicate parts with a pouch, or a sort-of cover for my loins. Smothered all over that region was the single object of my desire. The one thing that could make this fantasy perfect. With my free claw, I wiped as much of the fluid off as possible, forgetting the embarrassment of running through town shamelessly covered in the stuff, and let it pool between my cupped talons. It was a miracle that it hadn't dried already, a miracle which didn't go unnoticed as I sat up, craning my neck to let the small amount of liquid drip onto my waiting tongue. My eyes were clenched shut throughout the process to make the fantasy more real as I lived out the events as they happened first, transitioning to what I was feeling. The yellow mare turned on the spot, her hind legs straddling my chest and her arousal dripping into my mouth. The taste was not as pleasant as I expected, but for some reason I couldn't live without it. I greedily lapped up as much as I could from her luscious folds, wrapping my claws around her haunches and squeezing until she lowered her rump closer to my face where I could dive in. I opened my muzzle as wide as possible, with my new sharp teeth pointed towards the area surrounding her vulva, and lashed my forked tongue against it. I soon found a small ball of flesh which felt more solid and used both ends of my tongue to grind around its sides.

I sighed in pleasure as I teased the folds more before inserting my tongue between them, eliciting a small “eep” from the pegasus. The fantasy was so vivid, it was like I could actually hear her squeal of delight. In fact, it was a bit different from the pegasus' voice as well. I couldn't help but hear the resemblance between that voice and another more familiar one. My eyes shot open when reality finally flooded back to my brain that this was not part of the fantasy.

Standing just outside of my doorway with a horrified expression stood exactly who I expected, staring back at me, red hoofed. I had one claw caressing my engorged drakehood, and the other receiving a serious lashing from my tongue. Both of us remained frozen in shock, neither daring to move as we attempted and failed to avert our gaze. I opened my mouth to try to speak first, but Twilight beat me to it.

“I'm sorry. I'm so so so so sorry,” she murmured while bringing a hoof over her muzzle to cover her eyes. “I heard you come in and I was going to ask you how it went, and I forgot there weren't doors to the rooms...” she trailed off, turning her head but not leaving. Of all the frustrating things she did, invading my privacy was something that was pretty rare. I could have easily asked her to leave so I could finish, and she would probably agree, although it would force an awkward aura into the place that could prove impossible to remove. Each day afterward we would barely make eye-contact because we both knew what was going on behind what should be closed doors. Not once has anypony walked in on me, and my record was finally broken by the worst possible pony to break it. I had just scarred Twilight for life and I doubted talking would have rectified the situation.

She slowly and deliberately moved her hoof to peek, making sure I had enough time to cover myself before doing so, and upon seeing that I was indeed re-sheathed, she revealed her face, now red with blush. She made eye contact for a fraction of a second before turning away once more, “I... I didn't know you were.... I didn't think you were maturing that way yet. I was going to talk to you about it someday, but I didn't know you would be ready so soon.” Her timid voice held a low volume, but she stayed resolute.

“I didn't hear you coming,” I finally admitted with the temperature in my body already rising. My voice was as concerned and timid as hers, but I kept my eyes locked onto her. I knew it probably wasn't the best idea to be staring like I was, but I couldn't tear my eyes away. Her tail began to twitch up and down, and I was immediately filled with fear and adrenaline at the idea of a repeat of what happened with Fluttershy. Only this time was different. This time I knew what was coming, and as scared as I was, I didn't want to stop it.

“Um,” she started. Hesitation and uncertainty were triggers in the Sparkle household. If somepony didn't know what to do or say, you immediately knew they were in trouble. “Spike,” she started quietly, “do you remember when I told you that I would explain heat to you when you were older? I mean, you probably already found out on your own, but do you have any questions? Do I need to give you 'the talk'?” Her eyes met mine again, but stayed locked to them.

I didn't know what my expression looked like, but she seemed to get whatever message it was conveying and turned slightly, “I can leave if you want. I'm sorry I interrupted.” Her usual tone was beginning to return slightly as the red shade to her face deepened.

She started to walk away and time slowed to a crawl. I didn't consider my options, and I didn't weigh the possibilities. There was no time for thought, only action. “Wait!”

The alicorn's ears and tail perked up while her wings twitched in excitement as she jumped at my voice. “Yes?” she asked, almost eager in her response.

There was a pause.

“Could you...,” I looked around before hopping off the bed to get closer so I could lower my voice. I now stood taller than she, and I could feel my spine groaning at the act of standing upright. I could tell I would soon lose much of my mobility in exchange for my size, and I was finally beginning to feel my years catching up to me. I knew nopony was around to hear our conversation, but I still didn't want to risk raising my voice. As I got closer, her feathers began to ruffle and I knew she was getting nervous. I kept the distance necessary to avoid accidental contact from either side, but I could smell that same sweet scent that Fluttershy covered me with. I knew she couldn't help it, but my devious mind wondered if maybe I was doing something to exacerbate it. “Do mares act... strangely when they're in heat? Do they sometimes do things they wouldn't consider any other time?”

A bead of sweat fell from her brow, previously hidden behind her straight-cut bangs. She lowered herself to her haunches, facing the floor as she thought of an answer, before looking directly into my eyes once more. “Yes.” Her answers were usually that simple, but I knew she probably smelled Fluttershy's essence on me and wanted to ask. “Why? Did somepony do something weird?”

I nodded slowly, carefully considering how to explain to Twilight my first sexual experience. “It was Fluttershy, she tried to seduce me.”

Upon hearing this, Twilight's eyes went wide and her jaw dropped. She opened and closed her muzzle a few times, probably trying to form coherent words, and obviously failing. Her tail twitched again, too. “What did she do? Are you okay? She didn't force herself on you, did she?” Twilight's voiced was laced with sincerity and genuine concern. As if to emphasize the seriousness of the situation, she put her hooves on my shoulders. At my height, I wasn't towering above her, but I was still tall enough to make her stand on her hind hooves to reach. As she stood, I felt myself twitch. Her touching me and standing to meet my height somehow turned me on, and I was losing the ability to think as time sluggishly inched forward.

“No, she didn't force herself on me exactly. I kind of just let her,” I paused to think, “I don't know the word for it.”

“Did she make you do something you didn't want to?”

“No!” I almost shouted. “No,” I repeated quietly, “I actually liked it....”

Twilight's speechlessness returned before she could press further. “Spike, have you ever done something like that before?”

“No, but I've thought about it. Is that bad?”

“I don't think so. I haven't done anything either, but I think about it all the time. This heat drives me crazy and I can't control anything anymore.” She seemed reserved to the fact that Fluttershy didn't violate me and she moved to my side to sit again. “I almost want to-” she stopped herself by drawing a hoof to her mouth before jumping back to the doorway. “No. I'm sorry, Spike, I didn't mean anything by that.”

“By what?”

“I... just... No, it's wrong. Just forget it.”

My primal instincts were taken over. I'd learned my lessons in the past not to push a mare past her limits with inquiries, but I knew she was close to breaking and the dark part of me took over as I pressed on. “Twilight, you can tell me. I won't be mad, I promise.” Now I was acting like the mature one.

“No Spike, you'll hate me.”

I let a moment pass and then I moved forward, gently taking her muzzle in my claw to turn her to face me. “I could never hate you.”

She bit her lip and looked away as best she could, but her eyes kept returning to mine. “I want,” she started, taking in a deep breath and letting it out, “I want you.”