How I Fucked Barack Obama
Hi there, my name is Ayn Null. I am writing this in a journal which I will later post on the Internet. I'm 23 years young. I am an anarcho-capitalist and I LOVE to play Xbox games such as Call of Duty. I have a mild addiction to 4Chan and Mountain Dew. Oh, and I have a fetish for fucking Liberals in the ass.
So... Yeah, there's that.
I am currently laying in a bed in the White House, sprawled on my back, while my shit-covered horse dick is sucked by President Barack Obama of the United States of America. Oh, and I'm a fucking pony.
Maybe I should explain what lead up to this encounter. You'll probably enjoy the story if you like ponies, gay people, semen, or gay buttsecks. So read it. Or, you know, don't. I don't really care, it's your choice. Hell, if this gets past the Mods, I'll be amazed.
So, anyways, where was I? Oh yes, what lead up to this encounter... Well, you see...
*Sudden flashback to my house 3 or 4 days ago.*
"Mom, bring me some more Mountain Dew!" I yelled to her from the couch in her basement, as she announced she was heading to the store. "Buy your own fucking Mountain Dew, Ayn!" She screeched at me. You bitch! I thought to myself as I prepared to fish a few dollars out of my pocket. "I have fucking money, I can pay you back! Just bring me a fucking 12 pack and I'll pay you later!"
"Whatever, you creepy assfag virgin." I heard her slam the front door and pull out in her shitty ass little Mustang. Heh. Pull out.
"That fucking bitch." I muttered to myself, struggling to stand up from the couch. "How dare she call me an assfag?! I fucking HATE those fucking gay faggots. Fuck those dicks! Dicks is only meant to fill pussies!" Finally, with all of my strength, I pushed off from the couch, stumbling a bit before I found my balance. I walked over to the mini fridge that sat a few feet away and slung open its door, revealing my prize. "They're so... Beautiful..." I whispered sensually, staring at my frozen buffalo wings. I pulled a few dozen from the bag, barely able to control myself. I quickly went upstairs to prepare the delicious snack.
"You sexy beasts. I want you inside of me." I continued to swoon over the delicious little morsels as I went about the preparation ritual. I pulled out a cooking sheet and laid out a fine piece of Reynold's Wrap upon it. I poured a small amount of cooking oil upon it and covered it with various spices. Salt, Garlic, Pepper... Delicious. Finally, after preheating the oven to 425 degrees Fahrenheit. I placed the wings on the sheet and put them into the oven.
As the cooking process' end drew closer, I heard the news going on the T.V., talking about the president... That fucking Liberal douche Barack Obama.
"THAT FUCKING MONKEY!" I threw everything on the counters to the ground, breaking several glasses and bending several eating utensils. I raged for a good five minutes, breaking everything I could. Suddenly, I heard the beep of the oven, alerting me that it was done cooking the buffalo wings.
"Oh boy! My sexies!" I cheered, grabbing an oven mitt.
Minutes later, I was munching upon the delicious meat of the wings, trying not to be angry at the news on. It was talking some shit about all sorts of fucking Liberals. "Damn motherfuckers... Wanting to 'protect' the 'Environment'. Bullshit! They just want to waste MY tax dollars on making it illegal to eat what I want to or get what I want to from wherever the Hell want!" Just then, as Obama's face flashed onto the screen, I got a genius idea. My dick grew hard. I was sick of fuckers like him. I decided, then and there, to satisfy my urges.
"I'm gonna fuck that Commie in the ass!" I exclaimed, choking down another wing. I washed the delicious, spicy meat down with a gulp of my last Mountain Dew. "He loves fags and food-haters so much? Let's see what happens when I shove my meat up his mudhole!"
I suddenly felt a chicken bone slip into my throat, and I began to choke. I coughed and coughed, trying to free the bone, but nothing worked. It was beginning to be dug into my throat by the movement. I tasted the coppery flavor of blood, and began to panic. Suddenly, I noticed a tube of my mom's anal lube. I grabbed it, and squirted it into my throat, hoping it would help loosen up the bone. Finally, the bone was dislodged from my throat, and I spit it out. "Fuck," I shouted. "Finally! I need to learn to keep calm better. That shit could have killed me. Now where was I?"
I scratched my head, contemplating what I had decided upon before I started choking. Suddenly, I could remember. "I'm gonna fuck that Muslim idiot Obama in the ass!" I shouted as my mom opened the door, carrying bananas, sausages, and my Mountain Dew. "Oh, thanks mom. Here's the cash." I walked by and grabbed the box while slipping a five dollar bill into her cleavage.
"I thought you hated Liberals?" She shouted after me.
"Yes, but I fucking love RAPING THEIR ASSHOLES, YOU CUNT!" I slammed the basement door and ran down to continue my time on my beloved Xbox.
.....
That night, as I slept, I felt a warm presence engulf me, from my penis up. I ejaculated at least three times as I began to dream of a true paradise.
The Commies, men, women, and children, were all being forced to give genetically engineered pigmen blowjobs. Gays were getting the shit whipped out of them by Murray Rothbard. The Rainforests were all being cut down to make room for agricultural lands and to make furniture from the exotic woods. There were a thousand fracking sites within a mile of you, every direction you looked - It was good. But suddenly, it was all torn apart.
Half-human, half-horse creatures came in and destroyed the equipment used in every action you could see there. They freed the Gays AND the Commies, and even the Gay Commies! Those beautiful pigmens' throats were slit, Mr. Rothbard was shot in the temple, and every copy of Atlas Shrugged to be found in every privately-owned library was burned.
The next morning, when I woke up, I was crying. All night I had been tortured by visions of these monstrosities, and a society they formed... It actually succeeded. I was scared.
I was so concerned that I almost didn't notice what had happened. Everything seemed... Brighter. Everything was coloured like it was a cartoon for little girls. I looked at my hands, and realized that I was covered in a thin layer of yellow fur. I couldn't feel my toes. I looked down, only to see cloven hooves. I dashed quickly to the bathroom. Looking into the mirror, I realized what had happened. My night mare had come true.
I had become one of those half horse creatures.
I realize only now what had happened - I was such an asshole, always treating everyone who's actually decent like garbage. I realize now that I had gotten bitchslapped by Karma. I can hear it screaming in my ear, "SUHPRAIYZ, MUDDAFUKA!"
