Dissonance

by Harmony Muse

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Sad, Original Character, Fluttershy, Slice of Life
Length: 8085

A young transpony bares her heart to her friends

This is the story of Harmony Muse, or simply Harmony to her friends. A young transpony, she never speaks of her past before coming to Ponyville.

Finally, she decided it was time to come clean to those who've welcomed her to her new home, and to tell them about her past.

Fair warning in advance, folks, I have positively zero clue how long this story's going to run, if i'm going to do multiple chapters, or what precisely.

Also, I apologize in advance for not having any of the fancy cover art other authors luck out on. While I consider myself a passable writer, I couldn't draw to save my life.

Published 2014-11-08 07:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-18 11:17:18 UTC

Overture

6:00pm October 11, 1006 Anno Celestii
Outskirts of Ponyville, Muse Residence

A Navy Blue coated Pegasus paces back and forth, her immaculate pink mane doing nothing to disguise the plain fear on her face. Sitting before her, all gazing at her with compassion and concern are her five closest friends.

"Thank you all for coming", she says as she stops pacing, hanging her head. "I know I've only been in Ponyville for the last few months, but they've been the happiest months of my entire life."

A green hoof is thrown into the air. "You know it, Harmony. Nobody else stays up all night watching Hippo-Equestrian Wrestling with me.."

The mare, Harmony Muse cracks a sad smile. "Thanks, Joystick, that really means a lot."

"Alright, what's so important that you asked us all over here on such short notice, and on Paddocks and Parasprites night?" The lone stallion in the room said, eliciting a giggle from the room.

"Well, Grumpy, I had a couple reasons for that. First, my place was the only one I knew we could all talk freely. Second, I needed to speak to all of you at once because, frankly, I'm so afraid of what I have to say that I'd rather get it out to all of you at once."

Each pony in the room looked around at each other, smiling warmly. One, a bespectacled tan unicorn trotted up and gave Harmony a hug. "What, you think that by telling us you like other mares we wouldn't want anything to do with you? Celestia's plot, you should know by now I'm just the same way, same as the rest of the mares in the room if I'm right. None of the stallions around here take my passion for game art seriously, so why should I take -them- seriously?"

"Thanks, but.. you don't get it." Harmony relaxed into the hug for a second, but quickly pulled away. With a sad, defeated look on her face she averts her gaze and barely manages to whisper the words she'd been dreading to say from the moment she started to make friends in Ponyville. The words that brought back images of why she fled Baltimare in the night in the first place, with only her best friend Sketch Tumble with her.

"I.. wasn't born a filly."

Harmony winced and turned her head, waiting for the first hoof to strike. But it never came. The screaming and anger she also expected, that never came as well. What did happen, however, surprised her more than anything. It started with one muzzle against her cheek, then a hoof on her shoulder. When she gathered the courage to open her eyes, she noticed every last one of her friends, save for Grumpy all surrounding her in one great group hug. She closed her eyes again, a smile creeping across her lips as the tears she had been fighting a losing battle against flowed freely down her cheeks. She didn't speak a word, not wanting to break the spell. They all stayed that way for awhile, each pony sharing comfort through touch. showing acceptance that simple words could ever hope to convey. After some time, that blissful silence was broken by Grumpy Bones..

"So... we're still on for Paddocks and Parasprites? We tracked the dragonequus to his lair and I want to try out my new spell."

It started with a snicker, followed by a giggle, one by one, each pony, in the room, even Harmony Muse, were laughing their hooves off.

Harmony was dumbstruck. She expected laughter as well as malice. Here, however, was a lighthearted laughter.

"T.thank you, but I don't understand..." She said, still emotionally and mentally overloaded.

A cream colored Pegasus walked beside her an nuzzled against her cheek. "You're not the only Transmare in the room. Cloudsdale's just as unfriendly for us as Baltimare."

"..Fluttershy?" Harmony looked at her friend in shock, touched to have this revelation shared with her.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your coming out, H-Harmony," Fluttershy said nervously, "but most of us, we knew. I've watched you when you were out in the city, looking at every face. I've seen the fear you have every moment, of being found out, of having your life ruined over a single errant whisker. I know how hard this has to be for you, because I through it daily myself."

Harmony couldn't help sob despite herself. She expected many things from tonight, but complete total acceptance wasn't one of them. She had hoped, she had prayed, but she didn't expect it. As she took a deep breath and relaxed, she looked around at all of her friends.

"I had planned on telling you about my life before I came to Ponyville before you made any judgements. Every dark little bit of it so you might understand what got me to where I am, but I see I don't have to. I would still like to, if that's okay. I mean, you all deserve to hear it all."

"Sis, take your time," Harmony turned her gaze to the speaker, her closest friend Sketch Tumble, who gave her a hoof's up. "I know I've already heard it all, being there for you for most of it, and I've got to thank you for helping me through everything just the same. You're strong, and you can do this." The purple pony gave Harmony a reassuring nod.

"She's right. Harmony. " Lizzybell gave her the same nod. "I can't say I know the rest of the ponies in the room very well, but I appreciate you trusting us with this. For what it's worth, this doesn't change anything. You've always been that excitable mare who's helped me with my design projects, and that isn't going to change."

"Works for me, all I was going to do tonight was play Wonderbolt Wrestling 1003 on Ponystation. You know they've got the classic version of PonyKind?" Joystick cheerfully tossed in her two bits.

"This, this is so much to process, friends." Harmony stammered. "I already had everything I own packed and even had a train ticket to Vanhoover in my saddlebag. Thank you so much. I really don't know where I'd be without you right now."

"On the train to Vanhoover, silly" Joystick replied, causing the whole group to laugh. Glad to be free of the weight of emotions bearing down on her, Harmony dabbed the tears from her eyes.

"Thanks, I think I would like to tell you everything still. I really would like to get it all out."

"I. I wouldn't mind." stammered Fluttershy

"Can it wait until tomorrow, Muse?" Grumpy interjected, looking a slight irritated. "I really want to try out Starswirl's Crushing Hoof."

The rest of the room looked towards Grumpy, who shrugged. "What? So you were born a colt. Doesn't matter for a dry horse apple, you're a mare now, who you are now is what's important. I'm glad you trust me with this, but I never saw you as anything different as who you've been every day I've known you. You've got my back , that's all that matters to me. Your bits are your own business."

Harmony Muse chuckled despite herself. "Thanks, Grumpy. Actually, a day sounds good, it'll give me time to collect my thoughts. 'Sides, without my songs to raise your Love and Tolerance checks, your spell's going to backfire.

Grumpy scowled.

The ponies went their separate ways, each agreeing to return the next day.

Author's Note

Hoo boy. sorry if it's rough. I'm really train of thought when I start writing.

So, this is my first fic. I apologize if I step on anybody's toes, and I'm NOT trying to make a Mary Sue here, even if my OC is a blatant author Insert. Fact of the matter is, looking at most of the OC fics I've been reading, making friends with the Mane Six has been a common trope.

Anywho, please feel free to leave me any comments you like, I'm open to any criticism, though I do reserve the right to ignore anything too crude or crass.

Look forward to my Chapter 2: Prelude, where Harmony speaks about her early life as Anthem March

UPDATE: Hookay, rewrote the chapter. Added a few OC's based on my dearest and closest friends. Because, quite plainly, I really didn't like how it felt with the Mane six.

Sketch Tumble: Purple coated Unicorn with a Yellow Mane, Painter's palette cutie mark. Artist, nonbinary Transpony, friend of Harmony's from her youth

Lizzybell: Tan colored Earth Pony with a dark brown mane, Cutie mark consists of a Red cube, Blue Cone, and Green Sphere. Wears glasses Computer Graphics artist, lesbian. (Ponysona is property of the friend she's based on and used with her permission, you know who you are.)

Joystick : Green coated Earth Pony with a blue mane. red arcade joystick Cutie Mark. Unrepentant gamer and wrestling fan. Transmare

Grumpy Bones: Dark brown coated Earth Pony with a black mane. Cutie mark is multple polyhedral dice. No nonsense impassioned fan of pen and Paper role playing games. Token cishet ally.

Prelude

7:30pm October 12, 1005 Anno Celestii
Outskirts of Ponyville, Muse Residence

“I’d like to thank all of you for agreeing to come back and listen.” Harmony leaned back in her chair, her gaze moving warmly over each of her friends. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

“Muse,” Sketch began. “You were there for me when I came out to my family. There when I discovered myself.”

“Exactly, and I am grateful you trusted me to be there.”

“Harmony…” Sketch facehoofed, already tired of their back and forth.

“Sorry! Sorry. Anyway, this is going to be a very long story, so make yourselves comfortable.” Harmony Muse looked up to notice her friends had already done so.

“Alright, it all begins when I was very young.”

August, 978 Anno Celestii
PS238 Elementary School, Baltimare

It was a kindergarten class much like any other. Children chatting away, laughing and playing. All waiting to see their teacher for the first time. I was there in the first row, all smiles and innocence and without a care in the world. Little did I know what awaited me that day.

An older unicorn came in and introduced herself as our teacher. She looked so gentle and nurturing.

“Hello, my little Ponies! I’m Miss Extra Credit, and we’re going to have so much fun together. But first I’d like to go down the rows and I want each of you to tell me your name and what you want to be when you grow up. How does that sound?”

“Yaaaaaay!” was the cry that game up from the class. It seemed like such a light hearted time. I watched as she went through the front row. My class mates wanting to be princesses or Royal Guard/Firemen/Applebuckers. Finally she got to me.

“I want to be a mommy!”

All of the ponies in the room cringed in sympathy as Muse told her story. Sketch even laid her sketchbook down and rested a supportive hoof on Harmony’s withers.

“Getting the mortifying embarrassment out of the way early, eh, Harmony?” Joystick commented from behind her Ponystation Portable. The humor in her words failed to mask the compassion in her voice.

“It gets better, Stick.” Harmony hung her head.

The entire class burst out laughing. I felt so mortified, so crushed. I wanted to crawl under my desk. I wanted to run away. What I did was start crying my eyes out.

The teacher quieted the class and gave me one of her smiles. One I would later know to be one she gave to the foal who sat in the corner eating paste.

“Anthem, dear foal, you know that only fillies can grow up to be mommies, right?”

I looked up at her through eyes still blurred from tears. I hung my head and squeaked out a barely audible, “Yeah...”

My dream crushed, I tried to forget about it. Colts were colts and fillies were fillies, as Celestia made us. And that was that, or so I thought. That didn’t stop me from biting back tears every time I saw one of the fillies playing with her Carrot Patch Foals dolls.

Eventually though I grew out of it. At least that’s what I told myself. I threw myself into schoolwork and was a very studious little colt. Made the honor roll every year. My mom used to proudly display every award and trophy I made at school at our home. She’d kept fawning on me about how I was her “Perfect Little Colt.” She meant well of course, so I never had the heart to tell her how badly her words had stung.

I suppose I should talk about my family. My mother was my major source of support in my life. Her name was…Well, I can’t remember anymore. She was always just ‘Mom’ to me. She was so kind, so gentle, and so quick to praise every achievement of mine.

My father. His name I remember very well: Quicktime March. Sorry, “Captain Quicktime March, Celestia’s Royal Guard”. He was never ‘Dad’ to me, always that man whom I was never good enough for. I would bring a 98% test score home, I’d be grounded because it wasn’t 100%. I’d try out for hoofball and make the first string, he’d say any son of -his- wouldn’t settle for less than Most Valuable Pony.

As you can tell, he didn’t approve of his son not being an athlete, not being big and tough like he was. So I ended up forced to join every sports team I could when I was growing up. I played hoofball and hated it. Still I gave it my best because I wanted at least some kind of approval on my father’s part, but it was never enough.

As bad as this may sound, this was only part of it. As I grew and puberty started to take its course, I went from disliking what I saw in the mirror to active loathing. I hated what I was. I hated being different. I would cry myself to sleep every night asking Princess Celestia why this had happened to me.

My youth wasn’t all bad though. It was in my early teens that I met Sketch in the library. We quickly became best friends. We spent so much time together, leaned on each other, even came out to each other. I wouldn’t be lying if I said that if it wasn’t for you, Sketch, I’d have killed myself multiple times over.

It was also at this tender age that I discovered my true passion in life: music. I really shined in choir practice. I even got my cutie mark at a high point in a solo performance in front of the entire school! It was my conductor’s baton. I cried tears of joy over it. It demonstrated that music, what I loved more than anything in life, was my true destiny. Mom stood up and cheered. The Captain on the other hand. Well, he stood up and left without saying a word.

Mom followed after him, and afraid of what his exit meant, I thought it prudent to delay going home. I shouldn’t have, I really shouldn’t have. When I got there , he was waiting for me. Alone.

“Your mother isn’t here, colt. She doesn’t have the stomach to see what must be done.”

I bristled at such a tone. He’d always criticized me in the past, but to say a word against Mom? I knew he had to be furious. It was then I noticed the thick clippers on the table next to him, as well as the fur dye.

“Yet again you shame me with such failure.”

“But, father?”

“Be silent! I am making this simple so that even you couldn’t mess it up. You can either dye your coat and be rid of that farce, or I can shave off your entire coat.”

“But it’s my cutie mark, don’t you see? Music is my destiny!”

“NOT ANOTHER WORD!” He bellowed! “No son of mine will be some colt cuddling artist! You’re a March, and you will not humiliate me again!”

He did it, Discord damn him. He shaved off my entire coat - mane and all. The whole time he didn’t say a word. He just looked at me with...disappointment? Yes, disappointment would be the right word. A loud click and the buzzing clippers were like parasprites with metal teeth that would bite into my hide. A nip here, a nip there. Each time I winced. Each shudder made him seem even more determined. I did all that I could to keep from bucking. I bit my lip as my tail pulled firmly between my legs and my ears laid back like a frightened puppy. It was only after he was done that he finally spoke.

“Better a disgraced Blank-Flank than some colt-cuddler doing filly’s work.” His voice was cold and final. He left me there alone, bawling into my hooves, surrounded by loose tufts of blue that used to be my coat.

“Muse, hate to tell it like it is, but your old stallion’s a real plot.” Grumpy snarled. “Doing that to your own foal’s a special kind of cruel.”

Harmony slumped in her chair. “Yeah, well. For every bit of horror he committed on me that night, what I almost did to myself was worse.” She uttered sadly.

“Wait, you?” Joystick said in shock.

“Exactly. I climbed to the top of the TransEquestria Tower ironically enough. Not having feathers meant I couldn’t fly. I mentally apologized to Mother, and to Princess Celestia, and jumped off the side hoping at least my ending would have been quick.”

Author's Note

And here, we finally learn a bit about Harmony Muse from a young age. I apologize if the harsh coldness of her father triggers anypony, but living in constant fear of disappointing the people we look up to is a constant fear for those of us that are still in the closet.

I know. cliffhangers are annoying, but this is just a lead up to the next chapter.

Good news! I've actually gotten myself an editor. Lizzybell, the mare herself has volunteered for the job, Thank you so much!

Calling Cadence

“Okay, wait up,” Grumpy paused for effect before continuing. “You’re telling me you tried to kill yourself, and then you’re setting all your dreams on bucking FIRE! And the worst hasn’t happened yet? What next, Equine Spongiform Encephalopathy?”

Joystick snickered, failing horribly to contain her laughter. “No, that’d be a certain bubblegum pink pony we all know.”

The whole room, with the exception of Fluttershy, were rolling. Fluttershy crossed her forelegs in front of herself and glowered.

“She may be silly, but she’s my friend, you know.”

Harmony Muse hung her head apologetically. “Sorry, Flutters. I know she’s good ponies, all of Ponyville does. Anyway, I was getting to where things started to go downhill for me, and badly.”

______________________________________________________________________________

“It was Graduation Day and everypony was in their cap and gown. All of our parents were there. I saw mine sitting next to Sketch’s as I climbed the podium and took my diploma. My knees were shaking as I took note of that because Sketch’s folks knew me both as Anthem and Harmony.

“I got through my speech well enough. Humorously enough I spoke about being true to yourself, and never losing sight of the real you. Sketch helped me write it, obviously,” Harmony rolled her eyes as Sketch snickered. “As much as I was dreading that moment, the speech actually went fairly well. The family meetup afterwards, well…

______________________________________________________________________________

‘Anthem’ stood next to her closest friend in the world, her face blank, almost lifeless. Staring down at her, his golden armor gleaming in the sunlight, was her father Quicktime March.

“Anthem!” The muscular pony said, heartily slapping Harmony on the withers. “You went and proved yourself the better of all these ponies. Not only that, but you managed to tame this fine piece of mare.” Quicktime didn’t see it, but both ponies stiffened thoroughly disgusted at the praise.

“Uh, th-thank you, father.” Harmony stammered.

The larger pony’s smile faded just a slight before returning in full force, “Oh come on, you’re a March Stallion! Speak your words with authority!”

Anthem bit back bile and shouted, “Yes, SIR!”
“Yes, that’s more like it! Now, I’ve been putting thought into this colt, and I finally think you’re ready. You’ve proven yourself over everypony here, but do you have the spine for a real stallion’s work?” Quicktime reached into a saddlebag and pulled out a very fancy looking scroll of parchment. A scroll he had to lift out of the reach of his suddenly furious wife.

“QUICKTIME!!”

“Peace, dear,” he said in a failed attempt to sooth the mare Harmony only knew as ‘Mom’, “We agreed that if the colt had proven himself...”

“We agreed to let it be his decision!”

Harmony stared confusedly at the pair. She had a sinking feeling her life was about to get far worse very quickly. Ultimately they came to a decision that neither of them seemed happy with.

Quicktime turned his attention back to the navy Pegasus. “Read this. You have until the end of the day to give us your decision.” He said crisply, turning on a hoof. His wife not far behind, paused only to glance at Harmony apologetically.

Harmony unrolled the fancy scroll and all color faded from her face.

__________________________________________________________________________

HERE LET IT BE KNOWN,

Under the grace of the twin Princesses the Pegasus known as Anthem March has been accepted into the Royal Guard Officers Training Corps. The Recruit, upon successful completion of his training, is to be given full Commission into the Night Princess’s Guard at the rank of Lieutenant.

Training begins on the Summer Solstice. Arrive promptly or not at all.

Signed,
Shining Armor

“Road apples.” Was all Harmony could bring herself to say.

“Oh buck up, sis.” Harmony found herself in Sketch’s hooves. “You know how easy it would be to just say no. Tell him just where to stick that letter.”

“Yeah.. yeah I know. That’d be the right thing to do, but…”
Sketch backed up. “Oh no. You are not about to say what think you are, are you?”

“Sis. I’m sorry.” Harmony’s head hung low, unwilling to meet her best friend’s gaze. “But...All my life -- over two decades now -- I’ve done everything to try and earn that stallion’s respect, and now this? I don’t feel right just turning this down. Not after what it must cost him to do this.”

“So. That’s. It. Then?“ Sketch’s face twisted itself up in anger as they punctuated each word with a loud stamp. “You’re going to give up everything? Walk away from everything we did together, to live a lie? All for what? Glory from the upper crust? Approval from an abusive bucking worthless waste of hooves?” With each pointed question she edged closer with a stomping hoof and a heated snort until the two were nose-to-nose.

“No.. No” Harmony quailed, flinching with each stamp. “That’s not it at all.”

“Then WHY?!?”

“Maybe there’s part of me that wants to try one last time to be a proper Stallion.”

Sketch’s face was emotionless, unreadable. “I just hope that when the time comes, someone else is going to be there to catch you. Even if I did approve of this, which I don’t, I can’t join you in this.”

Harmony nodded, and gave her BFF one last hug before walking off to render her answer.

______________________________________________________________________________

“I won’t lie. That time at the Academy was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Most of the other hopefuls had been training from foalhood for this chance. There was many times where I wanted to just drop out, give up, and go home. My father and his reputation only set the bar even higher.

“Everybody expected ‘great things’ from the hero’s son. And every time I didn’t quite finish a chin-up, or didn’t have my bunk spotless drew jeers from the rest of the training cadre. More than once I found myself on the wrong end of a blanket party.” Lizzybell winced. “Sure it hurt, but early on I had an epiphany.”

“Nothing these ponies did to me affected who I was. They could wound my pride, injure my body, but they couldn’t break my spirit.” Muse had a determined glint in her eye. “On the contrary. Every jeer, every taunt, every pile of manure left in my boot made me angry. I wanted to succeed just to shove it in these jerks’ faces.

“And I did. I used that anger as a focus and poured myself into martial training. This may sound silly.” Harmony grinned. “But there’s a certain beauty in hoof-to-hoof combat. Think of it like a dance, admittedly a potentially lethal one. Er...Well there were the dance lessons, too. Palace guard and decorum and all that.”

“I guess the beauty I found on the sparring ground ruined it for me. More than once while humbling one of my former bullies with hoof and sword, I imagined myself like a knight from the old days. A knight named Harmony Muse..” Harmony buried her face in her hooves for a few moments.
___________________________________________________________________________

It was the night of graduation. Lieutenant “Anthem March” stared into the mirror of their new private quarters; clad in deep purple armor; rank prominent on their helm. They looked every bit the proud Royal guard. Unobservant eyes, however, would not have seen the carefully applied makeup on the pony’s face.

Deep down Harmony knew that living as a stallion was a lie. Even if the whole world saw her as the gallant Anthem March, under that armor beat the heart of a mare. Still, she feared what her family would think. What the Princesses would do if she were discovered. ‘NO. This is how it has to be.’ Harmony thought to herself. Only in these precious moments, locked away from everybody, could she truly be herself.

She moved away from the mirror to start removing her makeup when she felt a metal-shod hoof strike her swear in the jaw, knocking her to the the ground. Looking up, she saw the very epitome of white hot rage.

“Worthless!” A hoof struck Harmony across the face. “Traitor!” Followed by another. “Ingrate!” Two powerful hind legs bucked Harmony across the room. “I raised you! Fed you! Welcomed you into this calling of HONOR, and this is how you repay me!?”

“F-father...” Harmony’s hoof shot up to her cracked muzzle. The pain was like lightning bolts arcing through her jaw. Still she forced herself to speak.

“No colt-cuddling weakling has the right to call himself my son!” Quicktime kicked his child in the ribs. Harmony could hear her father’s voice reverberating in the fine marble of the Officer’s Quarters wing of the castle. The sound made Harmony’s heart sink.

“But that’s the point, isn’t it?” She said, grinning up at her father defiantly, “I’m not your son, and you were never my father!” She had to steel herself against the pain of speaking, but it didn’t matter now. If this was going to be the end for her, she would face the end defiantly.

“Why you disrespectful little worm! “ The gold-armored pony drew his sword with a wild gleam in his eye. “I’m going to do what I should have done the moment you were born!” He raised the blade to strike, but the blow never fell.

At that very moment, a tan mare wearing a black “Security Pony” foreleg-band galloped into the room. With a swift movement, she had the larger pegasus on the ground with his foreleg pulled roughly behind him. “Alright, we’ve heard quite enough of that.”

Other ponies quickly came into the room behind the tan mare. Making quick work of putting Harmony’s father into chains they escorted the enraged warrior pony away. The tan mare waited until the others left and helped Harmony to her feet.

“Get yourself cleaned up. Commander Armor wants to see you in his office.”
_____________________________________________________________________________

“Oh, yeah.” Lizzybell mused from behind her notebook. “I remember that night.”

Harmony gaped at Lizzybell, “That was YOU?”

“It’s only natural you didn’t remember me, after all. At the time it was just another call. Someone makes a lot of noise and we’re sent in. Our first proper meeting was at the Equestria Battle Games. I seem to remember a certain somepony was very forward. Mare to mare, as it were.”

Harmony’s only response was to blush.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Harmony splashed water on her face, trying to clean it up as best she could. Her muzzle was pretty beat up and her jaw was swollen, but there was no helping that. Dread and determination warred within her as she came to a stop in front of Commander Shining Armor’s office.

“Lieutenant Harmony Muse.” A white Unicorn, whose bearing was that of both great strength of will and gentleness of spirit rose from his seat. Harmony instinctively saluted. “Please enter.” Shining returned the salute.

‘Wait. Did he say HARMONY? ohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrap’ Harmony’s thoughts were a litany of panic as she entered the room. Still, she did her best to maintain composure. “Sir?”

To his benefit, Shining Armor gave a gentle smile. “Relax, miss. Didn’t you think we’d do a thorough background check on any pony potentially being allowed to safeguard the Princesses’ lives? I knew about your double life before I even signed that scroll.”

“But Sir, why?” The revelation hit Harmony like a jackhammer. She’d expected to be ceremonially stripped of rank, thrown in the dungeons, or worse, banished to the Moon.

“It’s simple. You’ve demonstrated great loyalty to your friends and those you care about. You needed this chance to prove your loyalty to yourself. Now, I know you need to be seen at the infirmary, but I have a very important order to give you first.”

“Name it, Sir,” Harmony said with all the dignity she could muster.

“I realize that there’s a lot going on with you right now. You’re to immediately go on leave. Take as much time as you need. If you decide to come back then the Guard always has a place for you, Lieutenant.” The armored pony moved closer. “You need to straighten out what’s going on in here…” He placed a hoof over Harmony’s chest plate. “And in here,” signaled with a quick tap on her helmet.

“Y-yes, Sir!” Harmony said, grinning despite herself.

_____________________________________________________________________________

“I went home as soon as went on leave. I needed to know that Mom was alright. Before you ask, I went as myself. The Commander’s statements made it clear that this wasn’t simply the right thing to do, but the only thing.

“I got home to find Sketch waiting on my doorstep. She looked up at me and did a fist pump, grinning as she leapt up to give me the biggest hug.”

“I've taken to checking on your mom ever since you went off to play soldier. We both feared the worst for you, seeing as you never were that rough-and-tumble. Wouldn’t you know, that day she showed me a letter saying you were coming home some badass kinda hero.” Sketch gave a joking salute.

“ ‘I missed you.’ She said, and I could tell they’d been crying recently. ‘SHE missed you.’ “

“I relaxed into my friend’s arms, glad for the comfort. ‘I decided I’m going to come clean, sis. Anthem March is no more, never was. First thing’s first, is to break the news to mom.’ ”

“Fair’s fair.” Sketch said to me, a fierce grin on her face. “You’re not doing it alone. I hope you know that.”

“I went inside. From what I could tell, the house had only recently been clean from roof to cellar. It was downright spotless” Harmony stopped, scratching her chin. “I didn’t realize it, but something felt missing at the time. Turns out any picture with my father in it had been taken down.

“Mom was there, waiting for me as she always was in her favorite chair. She gave me a smile that could melt a Windigo’s heart.”

“ ‘Welcome home I’ve missed you so much. You’ve grown up so big and Mom’s so proud of you.’ She said, her eyes misting. I looked at her, and then looked down ‘Thanks mom, but there’s something I need to tell you.’ ”

“She just waved her hoof dismissively, ‘If this is about my ex-husband getting arrest for assault of an officer, I’d already heard.’ I had to give it to Mom, only she could be that understanding while completely missing the point.”

“ ‘No, mom. It’s about why. You see, when he attacked me, it’s because I was wearing makeup at the time.’ I looked away. ‘Mom, I…’ ”

“Mom quickly stood up. ‘Now that’s no way for a mare to act, all scared of everything like one of those starlets in the scary movies.’ I looked at her in shock. ‘Really, you didn’t think your mother would know? I’ve been washing little blue bits of fur out of my dresses for years.’ “

“Nothing more needed to be said at that point. Mom and I just held each other and wept. Bitter tears for all the pain, and tears of joy as well. I moved back in with Mom and weeks turned into a few months as we worked through lifetimes of baggage. Mom was extremely supportive. She even helped pay for…”

_____________________________________________________________________________

“Now wait a minute, you never told us if you went back to the guard.” Joystick humphed in a mock pout.

Harmony sauntered over to a chest she kept in her living room and hoofed the latch. Everybody, with the exception of Lizzybell gasped to see a set of Night Guard armor polished to a parade finish.

“I ended up going back, and I’m glad to say I did.” Harmony smirked. “Even if Quicktime’s influence got me in, I earned it! And it was something I could be truly proud of. It was decided though, by the Princess, that with Sparkebutt’s ascension that some of the guard should be stationed here just in case.” Harmony looked apologetically at Fluttershy. “I know she’s got you and the other Elements to protect her, but you know how the twins can be when it comes to her safety.”

Fluttershy nodded. “Wait, why did you call her Sparklebutt?”

Lizzybell facehoofed. “It’s like this: Every Princess has a codename in our official reports. Celestia is ‘Shinybritches.’, Cadence is ‘Lovebird.’ Twilight Sparkle is ‘Sparklebutt.’

Joystick laughed so hard it was like the braying of a donkey. “Oh man, that’s hilarious. What about Luna?”

Harmony’s response was a deadpan ‘Green Cheese.’

Author's Note

And here is the ending to my first fic on fimfiction.

First off. I'd like to thank my good friend Lizzybell for even existing. You've been a rock for me, life was at its lowest.

I haven't decided if I plan to write a sequel or not. at this point I'm just happy I got this entire story out in the open. :

Binge and Purge

“Well, you’re alive now, so I’m guessing you slowed your descent on the way down?.” Lizzybell queried.

“You betcha she did. Hey Harm, you mind if I pick up the story from here, sis?” - was the reply that came from Sketch Tumble

“Have at it, you were there for most of the rest.” Harmony bumped her head against Sketch’s mane as a sign of affection.

____________________________________________________________________________

“Okay, so it was like this. I was at Muse’s concert, front row even. She’s my bestie, and it was her night, ya know? Well, she left after Captain Plothole had his little breakdown and I went after ‘em. Took my time because I didn’t want to break in on any family crap, Harmony still being very shy at the time and all.

“Anyway, when I showed up at their place, I found the door standing open, and the inside of the house smelled of hard cider. I went right in, fearing the worst. Then I found the clippers and fur all over the floor. Even a bit of blood where the walking road apple got a bit too overzealous with the clippers.

“So yeah, I was pissed off. I’d probably be in jail for trying to hurt someone had he stayed around. It took me a while to notice though, that not only wasn’t her father there, but Musey wasn’t there either. I tossed her room, but she wasn’t there either, house was totally deserted. I was in a panic, sure, but I noticed when I came down stairs that there was a trail of loose fur leading out the front door.

“In a way, you’re damn lucky he was as sloppy with those clippers as he was, Harm. Were it not for the tufts of navy blue you were leavin behind you, I’d have had no way to track your dumb plot. Anywho, I followed the trail as fast as I could, and had a damn good idea what you were aiming to do when I saw the TransEquestria Tower in the distance.“ Sketch paused for dramatic effect, grinning internally as she saw all eyes in the room were on her.

“Thinking fast, I teleported to the top of the Tower, just in time to see you leap off. I screamed for you to stop, but you didn’t hear me, either that or you didn’t want to. This pissed me off more than what your dad pulled. I mean, here you were about to kill my only friend in the world? Screw that!

“Now, I’ve never really been that great at magic, even for bein’ a unicorn, but this was life or death. So I took a deep breath and cast what is, to date, the strongest spell I ever cast. I got a hold of you as you were taking that plunge, and teeked you back up on the roof, slapping you across the muzzle as soon as the spell wore off.” Sketch rubbed the back of her head as she mentioned the violence she perpetrated on her friend, embarrassed that she had to resort to it in the first place.

____________________________________________________________________________

“Buh, Sketch?” Anthem said, lookin’ all sorts of delirious. Sketch slapped the Pegasus again to try and bring back some sense.

“What in bucking Tartarus do you think you were DOING, Anthem!” Sketch’s hooves stamped in anger. She raised her hoof to slap Anthem again until she looked down at the broken pony. Then she realized she was used to seeing the same bucked up thousand yard stare in the mirror every morning.

“I…” Anthem sighed in resignation. “I’m sorry. I’m just a failure. I just wanted to make it so I didn’t disappoint anybody anymore. I thought he’d be proud of me but even in getting my cutie mark, but it’s not good enough.” The shorn pony blurted between heaving sobs. Sketch felt like complete smooze, seeing their best friend that miserable and just pulled Anthem close. She then let Anthem cry on her shoulder, secretly hoping her own tears weren’t seen.

“Anthem, little muse, it’s going to be okay. Bastards like him aren’t worth killing yourself over. You’ve got to learn to live for yourself! Be your own pony! And please...don’t try this again. If I couldn’t have rescued ya, I...” Sketch trailed off, afraid of what response her words would bring.

Anthem looked up at the purple Unicorn, forgetting about his own sadness for a moment. “You’d what?”

Sketch met his gaze with as much seriousness as they could muster. “I’d have leapt after you. I don’t have any friends, Anthem. There’s nobody I trust as completely as you.” The ponies’ resolve wavered, and they broke eye contact, “I’ve thought of doing just what you’ve done so many times I’ve lost count. Just you being there helps me forget about it sometimes.” Sketch looked down, afraid of how Anthem would react.

“I - I thank you, Sketch. That means a lot.” Anthem relaxed a bit. The danger was over for now. After a few minutes the young Pegasus opened his eyes. A creeping blush washed over their face. “Uhh, should two colts like us be cuddling out in the open like this?”

Sketch had a cathartic belly laugh. “Ha! there’s a couple of things wrong with that statement, Anthem. First: we’re not cuddling, just comforting each other. Second. I’m, uh, I’m not precisely a colt.” The unicorn didn’t miss it when Anthem simply shrugged.

“Sooo… mare?” Anthem cocked her head to the side.

“Nope. I dont’ know really. I know in my heart i’m not male, and callin’ myself a mare, while closer, just don’t seem right. I guess this sounds kinda weird, but maybe I’m something else?” Sketch breathed a sigh of relief. The pony had wanted to get that out for years.

“Oh. That makes sense. It makes no difference to me, you’re still my BFF.” With a brohoof, everything was cool.

____________________________________________________________________________

“Anywho, to fast forward a bit; your mom found the mess he’d left and gave him the chewing out of a lifetime. He wasn’t happy about it, but your pa gave in, and let you grow out that wicked coat of yours as well. Surprised the scat right out of me when I’d found out she even managed get him to pay for you to go to the Baltimare Academy of the Arts. That’s where I was going to go for my art studies.

“You were there for me the whole time, being supportive while I transitioned. You stuck up for me when creeps tried to get fresh or start trouble, and I’m all the more grateful for it. You were even there when I came out to my parents. They still think we’re dating, you know.” Lizzybell snickered, drawing a blushing half-glare from Harmony. “I’m beyond grateful you were there for me, because I just didn’t have the strength to do it myself. I don’t like admitting I’m not strong enough to stand up for myself, but that’s what friends are for, isn’t it?” Sketch shrugged.

“Speaking of strength, do you remember one of the times you were helping me get into an altogether too tight corset?” Muse nodded. “It was Nightmare Night and you told me that you secretly wondered what it would have been like to be born a mare. In that instant, I was struck with inspiration. I had you put on one of my looser dresses, even cutting wingholes in it for you. Then I went to work on your face. A little blush here, some mascara there, some lipstick, and I was gazing at a beautiful filly. I was proud of you. You had the strength to take that first step.”

“Once everything was done, you looked up at me with pained uncertainty,” Sketch gave a warm smile.

“You asked me, ‘How do I look?’ almost hopefully. With a big grin I floated my mirror in front of your face. You should have seen yourself! That was the first time in my life I ever saw you really smile, not one of those pained smiles you did when you felt dead inside, but a real happy smile.

“It didn’t last long though. After a few seconds you started bawling. I sighed to see the makeup I’d spent all that time on getting smeared, but those few seconds of joy on your face we worth it.
‘I can’t believe it...I’m pretty. I’m really pretty.’ At least I think that’s what you were saying.” Muse blushed furiously while the other ponies giggled. Grumpy on the other hand just rolled his eyes.

“I’m only really good at deciphering my own sobspeak. I sat there holding you while you cried. Happy I could be strong for you for once. Once you finally got all the tears out, you gave me another smile. Sad yes, but still a real smile. I knew at that moment I didn’t really have a brony, but a pegasister.”

“Of course, you were still afraid to go full time with it. Given your plothole of a dad, I can’t blame ya. Still, I helped you build up a nice stash of things. You know, makeup, girly clothing, accessories, that kind of thing. I really felt like a big sibling, helping you come out of your shell like that.” She nuzzled Muse’s neck for a moment and leaned against her close friend.

“For 4 years it was like that. During the day, “Anthem” and I would do the study and schoolwork thing, and during the night, it was Sketch and ‘Harmony’ partying our flanks off. It was real fun, wasn’t it?” Harmony could only nod. “All good things end. Hardest thing about it though, was when it all came to a screechin’ halt.

“News came down that you were going to be named Valedictorian of our graduating class, can you imagine that?” Sketch looked up to the degree on Harmony’s wall. “Heh, guess so. I even heard you tell me your old man said he was proud of you. I damn near dropped a chocolate muffin when you’d told me that.”

“I’d have been happy for you, but when I’d come to congratulate you about it, you were tearing your dorm room apart. Every last thing we’d bought for you, every last hint of the real you, of my sis Harmony, you were tossing into a trash can. Last time I saw you that frantic was from the top of the TransEquestria Tower.” Harmony flinched as the memories of that horrible day came back to her.
_________________________________________________________________________

“Whoa!! Hold on, Harm.” Sketch said, holding their hooves up in surrender. “What’s got into you?”

Harmony openly wept as she surveyed the sum collection of everything that made her a mare, everything that made her feel good about herself. She’d just spent the last three hours tossing every last bottle of lip gloss, every earring, everything into the trash can. Completely oblivious to everything else, she stood there holding a lit match in her mouth.

Sketch was aghast. Without thinking she telekinetically yanked the can away. “Don’t do this, pegasister! I don’t know what’s possessed you, but we can talk about this. It’s gonna be alright.”

The Pegasus whirled into a crouch, primal fear on her face “No it’s not, Sketch! Don’t stop me, please. I need to do this.”

“Like hay you do!” Sketch quickly placed themself between the precious cargo and her friend “This is who you are! You’re Harmony Muse!”

Harmony kept frantically trying to get around her best friend. “You don’t get it, do you? I’m Valedictorian! I’m supposed to give a speech in front of the whole graduating class, and all of our parents!”

Sketch’s eyes widened in realization. “You don’t mean?”

“He’s coming.”

_________________________________________________________________________

“I’m so sorry. That sounds like it must have been horrible” Fluttershy said, cringing from her curled up position on the couch. “I’m sorry, this hits a little close to home for me..”

“Flutters” Harmony said, putting a shaky hoof on the yellow mare’s withers. “I lived through it, and believe me, the worst’s yet to come.

Author's Note

It's that time again folks, now before some of you get upset at potential misgenderings here, I feel the need for some explanation.

Much of this story is in flashback mode, at a time when the important players both operated under the belief Harmony was male. hence the 'he' and 'him'. Do notice that once Harmony starts using that name, and in the asides, "she" is used. For Sketch? She and They are used interchangeably because of the nature of the character, and at the request of the person the character is based on (Keep being awesome, sis.)

I'm finding, the more I write, the more skilled I feel at it. However, in the writing I also catch more of my mistakes and sloppy writing. As always, I have Lizzybell to thank for being an amazing editor

Hope you all enjoy this chapter, next one should be written in under a week.